#i fully understand the depth and complexity of it all

[nina-ya]

A/N: Zoro version lets goooooooooo i have some other characters planned for this as well so yeah!! Pairing: Zoro x reader CW: none WC: ~600 Other Versions: Luffy Zoro Sanji (more to come) • masterlist • ko-fi • discord server •

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Loving Zoro is loving someone who is a warrior and a dreamer. His ambitions burn brightly, and he is always chasing that final goal of becoming the world's greatest swordsman, and yet he never forgets about you. He’s that one person who you can count on to stay by your side and protect you throughout the night. His sleeping body is always ready to jump into action, at least more than usual, all so you can sleep soundly. He’s always there, watching over you even when you don’t fully realize it, ensuring you’re safe in a world that’s anything but. 

Loving Zoro is loving someone who is not afraid to be himself. He can be rough around the edges and sometimes abrasive, but there’s something nice about his honesty. He will never pretend to be something that he is not, and he will never expect you to either. He is simple, and straightforward, someone that you can lean on when everything in the complex world feels uncertain. 

Loving Zoro is enjoying the comfortable silence that always falls between you. No words are needed to feel close to him. You can sit beside him for hours simply watching him sharpen his swords, and feel more connected to him in that moment than anyone else. There’s always a peacefulness in his presence and you can’t help but cherish it. 

But Loving Zoro is also learning how to navigate those tall and tough walls he puts up. He’s not one to easily express his feelings, especially when it comes to love, and he’s much less likely to admit when he is hurting. His pride is very strong and sometimes loving him means giving him the space to figure things out independently. However, don’t confuse this with meaning he doesn’t need you. He won’t always say it, but you know he needs you when he leans onto you after a long tough day, or when he opts to have you tend to his wounds rather than Chopper. It’s his way of saying ‘i need you’ without having to utter a single word.

It’s understanding that he doesn't often declare his love for you through words, but he shows it in the way that he is always there. It shows in the way that he will train until his body refuses to continue, but he still takes the time to check on you. It is in the way that he will offer you the last of his water, even when he is thirsty himself. It is in the way that he is always by your side, promising protection in his presence alone.

Loving Zoro is knowing that he will fight for you with every fiber of his being, but he also expects you to be able to fight for yourself, not just on the battlefield. He respects strength, both physically and in character. He admires you when you stand your ground, even if he may disagree with the topic at hand. And no matter what, he will push you to be the best version of yourself because he believes in you, even when you don’t believe in yourself. 

Loving Zoro is loving a man whose passions mirror the intensity of his discipline. It’s watching him train for countless hours on end in the birds' nest, sweat dripping down his body as he pushes himself to his limits and beyond, and just feeling in awe at the sheer determination that drives him. But it’s also those moments where he lets his guard down for you, when he leans in close, forehead resting against yours, and you can feel the depths of his emotions.

[catboygirljoker]

Free Pass Ask to talk about In Depth Luxu Analysis in case of no one sending in the right question to go off with

ok! here's my ~1600 word post about That One Scene At The End Of Dark Road. grins smilingly.

You know the one. Right after we see Baldr easily kill most of the cast of the game, right after a boss fight against him, right after we witness firsthand how powerful he is, we see a flashback of him confronting Bragi with the intention of killing him. And Bragi just...casually flicks his keyblade out of his hand. Bragi fully knows what Baldr's actual deal is, knows that Baldr has killed people, and is completely unthreatened by him. For good reason, it would seem!

So, Luxu's a badass, obviously. He made the big villain of the game into a jobber. And I think that's certainly one of the purposes of the scene. Luxu is about to be one of the primary antagonists of the franchise, and this sets him up to be very powerful!

...But I don't think it's the purpose of the scene. That is, I don't think that's the entire story. Because there are a couple questions left by this scene.

What happens at the end, there, when Baldr runs up to him and attacks him? And why doesn't Bragi reappear until long after Baldr is already dead?

I think we can piece together at least part of an answer.

In the earlier montage where Baldr says he killed everyone, we see a brief scene of Baldr slamming Bragi down onto an island in the Underworld. I assumed that this was a visual representation of Baldr lying and claiming he had killed Bragi when he didn't. But Bragi is the only character in this montage who we don't see die on screen. I believe we're meant to understand that this scene actually happened, and that this is what immediately follows the Luxu reveal cutscene.

Which seems contradictory with Bragi being such a badass, right? Was Bragi disarming Baldr a fluke? The thing is, when Baldr attacks Bragi at the end of the cutscene, Bragi is completely off guard and unprepared for the attack. We already know that Luxu can misjudge people/situations, to his own downfall.

Consider in Dream Drop when he seems to fully believe Sora will join the Real Organization XIII, or Days when he's unthreatened by Xion right up until she knocks him out and leaves, or Re:Mind when he finds out Luxord decided not to simply obey orders without question this time. So him being defeated by Baldr doesn't necessarily mean Luxu is weak if Bragi was defeated due to hubris.

(As a side note—I do think that this would be part of the reason the cutscene cuts off when it does. Luxu still needs to be a threatening villain in the upcoming games, so the audience has to have a strong impression of how threatening he is. We get the full cutscene of Luxu being cool and powerful, and only little glimpses of the fate he meets directly afterwards.)

I think what happened is Bragi sauntered off all cocky and smug, not believing Baldr would attack him. Then Baldr attacked him, and Bragi, realizing what a threat Baldr actually was, pulled a trick we've already seen Luxu pull before. (Seemingly so well that Hades himself is fooled.)

Baldr believed he killed Bragi and saw no reason to be like, "yeah, and also Bragi said some weird mysterious stuff I didn't understand, but the point is that he's dead, too."

Now for the question of why Bragi didn't reappear until long after everybody else was dead. If he's such a badass, surely he could have helped stop Baldr and saved lives. Why didn't he?

From here, I can really only speculate. In my view, there are a few options:

Luxu didn't care about his classmates and left them to die as soon as he realized what a threat Baldr was.

This is...possible, but not very interesting to me. It's the option that results in the least emotional complexity. I think it's most interesting to read Bragi in Dark Road as the second-to-last step on Luxu's downward spiral, rather than just another point on a straight line—that his personality as we see him in the current-day games is informed by the trauma of him losing all of his friends to an opponent he could have stopped but didn't.

Also, maybe this isn't very convincing as evidence, but in his appearance in the graveyard, Bragi's attitude isn't smug or mischievous, it's somber, possibly remorseful. If we were meant to understand that he didn't care about his dead classmates, we'd get, like, a smug grin or something.

So the other options assume that he did care about his classmates:

Luxu sincerely cared about his classmates, and wanted to help them, but was injured so badly in his fight with Baldr that he was physically unable to come to their rescue.

Like I said, I think this is more probable and more compelling than if he didn't care at all. And there's potential tragedy in him trying his best and still failing, or having the best intentions and being unable to follow through on them, for sure. However, in general, I'm more interested in characters failing because of the mistakes they make and the flaws they have, rather than failing due to chance or unavoidable circumstance.

Also...we already know Luxu is the kind of person to stand by and allow terrible things to happen without doing anything to stop it. We know he has been specifically instructed to do so. I think it's more interesting and more consistent with his character if he could have saved his classmates and stopped Baldr, but didn't.

This last option, then, is my favorite, and in my own writing would be the interpretation I go with:

Luxu sincerely cared about his classmates and had the power and strength to protect them from Baldr but, through his own decisions or inaction, still let them die.

Luxu's classmates were all children or barely adults, younger than him by perhaps centuries. But he hung out with them. Actively participated in conversation with them, asked them questions, joked around with them. He seemed to like them. They were his friends. And he let them die.

There's variety in the potential specifics. Maybe Bragi fled and hid until everything was over just to save himself. Maybe he grit his teeth and made the conscious decision to do so; maybe he was motivated by pure animal fear for his life. In either case, he still had a role to carry out, after all. A role that, as I mentioned, has already required him to stand by and allow people to die. If he could swallow the keyblade war, he could swallow the events of Dark Road.

Maybe he believed he had an excuse to run away. In his confrontation with Baldr, Bragi says Xehanort is onto Baldr, and seems to believe Xehanort would be able to stop him. This is before Baldr attacks and seemingly defeats Bragi, but maybe even after that, Bragi still really believed in Xehanort, and believed he could let Xehanort do the rest—misjudging Xehanort's ability to stop Baldr before any more death could occur.

If you wanna get really angsty with it, maybe Bragi did try to save his friends. Maybe he rushed to the scene of Baldr's next murder and saw children with keyblades fighting for their lives, heard the clash of metal on metal, and was suddenly immobilized by the voice of his Master telling him to watch. And by the time he was able to overcome this trauma response, it was already too late.

Whatever the specifics would be of why he left his friends to die, I'm aware that this is the option that casts him in the worst light. If he didn't help them because he didn't care about them, then he's just a coldhearted villain and we can't expect much better from him. If he cared about his classmates and tried his best to help them but failed, then he's a sweet goodboy and uncomplicatedly sympathetic. If he, for any reason, decided not to try to save his friends from a powerful entity that has killed and will kill again, then he's pathetic, morally repugnant, a weakling or a fool or a coward or a combination of the three.

But I like when characters are flawed and stories are messy! I like that, even before you get to the events of Dark Road, Luxu is a messy, complicated, but still sympathetic character! Many of my other favorite Kingdom Hearts characters are messy and complicated in ways that I feel get frustratingly flattened by the fandom. I'm Team Messy and Complicated forever. I hope the games keep making Luxu even worse and more sympathetic and more tragic.

anyway thats my post i hope you liked it haha whee! i once again had to keep deleting detours and tangents about like. redemption arc flags, riku/terra/luxu parallels, luxu/MoM and luxu/xehanort parallels. but the were just that, tangents, and quite a lot of them were more headcanony/watsonian/speculative than i usually like to go with my Analysis. in any case thankyou for coming with me on this journey

[vogelmeister]

I was always under the impression that you are Dutch.... Succesful dutchification

ah huh! i have fooled another one (jk jk).

i am not, i am very much still a humble australian, last time i checked. and unless this ancestry dna test on my desk proves anything otherwise, i remain very much Not Dutch.

[slytherinslut0]

MATHEO RIDDLE- Beg For Me

Chapter Thirty--info:-You and Mattheo have been butting heads for months, since you were assigned as his tutor, and one day during a session full of tense bickering, he has enough.

Tags: 18+, SMUT, PIV, Oral Sex (f rec), Dirty Talk, Unprotected Sex, Praise Kink, Degradation, Morning Sex, Love-Making, ANGST! FLUFF FLUFF FLUFF.

Find the rest of the chapters HERE.

In the depths of the night, your dreams unfurled a complex tapestry of fears and uncertainties. The lucid scenes played out like a haunting ballet, shadows weaving intricate patterns on the canvas of your subconscious.

In the dream, Dumbledore's venerable voice resonated with a gravity that bespoke both wisdom and disappointment.

"You must confront your challenges…your fears, young witch," he intoned, his eyes reflecting not just understanding but a palpable disappointment, a profound sorrow in his gaze as the conversation switched, growing more grave. "I regret to inform you that there are no positions available for you. Not after your unprofessional behaviour.”

Flashes of disappointment intensified, drowning your lungs in its depth, Dumbledore's scrutiny cutting through the facades you had worked so hard to carefully construct for all those bloody months. Before you could process it, the dream seamlessly transitioned to a poignant future, your long-anticipated graduation day, where joy was now eclipsed by an unspoken sorrow.

Mattheo, a figure of proud accomplishment tainted by the weight of disappointment, stood before you. In this dream, your fingers intertwined for a final embrace, the unspoken acknowledgment of paths diverging echoing with heartbreak. The whispered goodbye carried the burden of reality, the truth of life pulling you apart, and a palpable pain radiated from Mattheo, his eyes mirroring the depth of his hurt.

And despite all of these emotions, in the dream, you struggled to admit the true extent of your pain. The reluctance to acknowledge the wounds, the fear that this love might crumble under the weight of your mistakes, lingered in the subtext. The dream became a harrowing journey through the corridors of vulnerability, where the echoes of disappointment and heartbreak were met with an internal struggle to confront and heal.

You found yourself standing at a crossroads, torn between the desire to fully embrace your love for this man, and the paralyzing fear of the inevitable heartbreak that loomed on the horizon, a shadow you knew was yet to follow.

As you jolted awake, the tendrils of the dream still lingering, you found yourself face to face with a peacefully sleeping Mattheo. The room unfolded around you with hushed tranquility--the black lake just beyond the window mirrored the early morning light, its rippling reflections casting intricate soft shadows across Mattheo's peaceful face. The dim lighting in the room whispered of the approaching dawn, a delicate glow that hinted at the promise of a new day.

His arms were securely wrapped around you, one hugging your waist, the other under your head--creating a cocoon of protective solace. His long lashes rested gently against his cheeks, and a cascade of messy curls adorned his forehead, adding a touch of vulnerability to his slumbering form.

Feeling the sting of your dream still lingering, you wiggled in his embrace, snuggling in closer to him.

The air held a serene stillness, interrupted only by the rhythmic cadence of Mattheo's breathing. The juxtaposition of the dream's emotional turbulence and the peaceful reality of the waking world blurred briefly as you took in the details--the soft hues of the room, the play of shadows on Mattheo's features, and the subtle acknowledgment of the early morning hour--all of them calming your anxiety within seconds.

Mattheo's lids fluttered open softly at your movements, his eyes dazed as he blinked away the remnants of sleep. His chocolate pools, catching the morning light, held a timeless warmth as they met yours. A gentle hum escaped his lips, and he inhaled a sharp breath as he instinctively pulled you closer.

"What's the matter, Raven?" Mattheo murmured, his lids fluttering back closed in a languid motion.

The deep rasp of his voice, raw with the remnants of sleep, sparked a warmth within you, like a comforting ember glowing softly. His words, spoken with a blend of curiosity and a touch of husky vulnerability, lingered in the quiet morning air, igniting tingles on your skin.

One of his hands, calloused and tender, glided lower to rest on your hip, the connection between you deepening as your legs became entangled in the quiet intimacy of the morning.

"Sorry for waking you," you whispered, nuzzling your face into the crook of his neck. His hand, seemingly on a mindless journey, slithered around to rest gently on your lower back now. "It was just a bad dream."

"Who hurt you?" Mattheo mumbled in a groggy, raspy tone, his lids still resting closed. A completely serious expression adorned his face as he added, "give me a name and I'll strip the skin from their bones."

"Someone's definitely not a morning person," you quipped, a groggy chuckle seeping into his neck. A comforting warmth enveloped you as you teased, "Waking up ready for a battle, huh?"

He shifted, molding himself against you, and it was in that moment that you became aware of him, entirely--the firm press of his desire throbbing against your torso.

"Mm...I've certainly woken up with a fight in mind," Mattheo groggily purred, a trace of arrogance lingering in his tone. "But maybe not the one you're thinking about."

"Shit..." your thighs quivered, seeking friction, and with a sleepy smirk, you added, "no fight necessary, Matty...I was disarmed the second I heard that sexy morning voice of yours."

Mattheo's hand slipped lower, finding your ass and giving it a playful squeeze, his grip growing firmer with each passing moment. A husky groan escaped him as he throbbed against you, plush lips pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head.

"Not like you to surrender so easily," he teased, a shiver of anticipation dancing along your spine as he demanded, "tell me about the dream first."

You shifted, your hand tracing a deliberate path along the strong contours of his arm. With a tender yet purposeful motion, your fingers wove into his hair, entangling themselves in his tousled curls. His lashes responded like delicate butterflies, fluttering in rhythm with the shallow bursts of his chest as you tugged gently.

"It was nothing," your voice, a soft murmur, attempted to dismiss the weight of the dream. Coaxingly, your lips pressed kisses against his neck, their warmth acting as a soothing balm against his skin. "Just a stupid thing."

Your gentle murmur aimed to dissolve the tension, encouraging him to release the probing question that lingered in the tranquil, dawn-lit room, but of course, your efforts would prove futile.

"Clearly, it wasn't nothing." Mattheo's nails dug into the skin of your backside, his grip tightening with a fervor that bespoke an intense need. His body turned relentless, an urgency in his touch as if he needed you more than the very air he breathed. "If you don't tell me in five seconds, I'll deny you orgasms until you're in fucking tears, understand?"

Torn between a desire not to sound vulnerable and a plea for mercy, you instinctively tightened your grip on his hair. Your body flooded with warmth as you burrowed your head further against his neck, hiding your face from his view.

"It was about the future...about us," your voice was low, nearly inaudible. There was a long, silent pause before you spoke again. "I just...what do you want out of life after grad, Matty?"

In a sudden, swift movement, he flipped you onto your back. His strong fingers wrapped around both your wrists, holding them captive as he climbed over you. The weight of his body pressed against yours overwhelmed you with a clamouring lust, an undeniable force that spoke of desire and possession.

"What do I want?" he whispered, his dark eyes boring into yours with an intensity that left little room for evasion. "Hm..."

Seemingly lost in thought, Mattheo leaned in, pressing slow, deliberate kisses against your cheek, a trail of warmth that heightened the tension between your bodies. His grip on your wrists tightened, a subtle yet commanding restraint as the proof of his desire pressed against your pelvis, fuelling flames that danced between your naked bodies.

"You know what I want, Raven?" As Mattheo mumbled against your neck, his curls gently tickling your cheek, your heart leapt with each syllable, your lids fluttering shut as you drowned beneath his warmth. "I want you to stop worrying so fucking much..."

Mattheo released your wrists, one hand finding purchase next to your head as the other threaded through your hair, softly soothing your scalp. Heat blossomed, blazing between your bodies as skin skimmed skin, and you writhed, wrapping your arms around him.

"I want you to stop doubting us....doubting me..." he mouthed wet, warm kisses at your throat. "But what I want...most of all...is just to be with you."

"But," you blushed, thighs buzzing with need. "What if we can't?"

Nipping your ear, he moved lower, hand leaving your hair to skate over your side, painting pleasure with his calloused palm as he went. He suckled at your clavicle, tracing a line to your sternum with his tongue--you whimpered.

"Then we'll find a way." He murmured, his breath washing warm over your skin. "Because I'm not going anywhere."

Gripping your backside, he burned kisses between your breasts, briefly acknowledging them with a nuzzle before continuing--his mouth was tender and deliberate, as if you were parchment, as if you would tear under his touch. Amidst the caresses, a realization echoed within you--this man, once seemingly distant, had transformed before your eyes. The disbelief lingered, weaving through your internal thoughts as you grappled with the profound shift. His unwavering commitment, the assurance that he wasn't going anywhere, left you in uncharted emotional territory.

The conflicting currents of vulnerability and safety created a storm within. You still found yourself marvelling at how this man who was hardly a mere acquaintance at the beginning of the year, had now become a source of comfort, a haven within the unpredictable sea of emotions. It was a sensation wholly unfamiliar, yet undeniably welcomed--a delicate dance between disbelief and the profound realization that, in Mattheo's embrace, you had found a sanctuary, a place to be unapologetically yourself.

Tears brimmed, bliss buzzing. "Mattheo..."

Abruptly, he pulled back, his hand shifting from your backside and darting up to grip your jaw, his touch commanding yet tender. He met your eyes with an intensity that held a hint of vulnerability, his thumb brushing softly over your cheek.

"Do you understand me?" he asked, his voice a low, raspy murmur. His grip sought assurance, and he implored, "tell me you understand."

Your heart thundered. "It's just...we've said goodbye so many times before-"

Mattheo cut you off with a fervent shake of his head, his thumb continuing its gentle caress on your cheek.

"No more goodbyes, Raven," he declared, his voice resolute yet carrying a touch of tenderness. "We're not playing that game anymore--you think I could ever do this again? You think I could ever find another as maddeningly perfect as you are?..."

he paused, searching your eyes for a moment, before he finally whispered; "You have me...you're safe."

Your heart melted, and with that, he dipped low, his lips capturing yours in an instant. Out of pure joy, you sighed, surrendering to the warmth of the kiss, your eyelids fluttering closed, fingers delving deep into his hair.

A soft grunt escaped him, the kiss deepening, and he shifted his hand to cradle your head, pulling you closer. A contented whine escaped you, ecstasy radiating in your chest. In his embrace, you let go of tension, allowing the remnants of fear to disintegrate. You found solace in the trust that he would keep you safe, that you two would undoubtedly find a way to make things work.

"Nothing can change that," he mumbled against your lips, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks before he broke away again, kissing a steady path back down your neck. "I need you to get that through this beautiful, stubborn little head of yours."

A soft, breathy chuckle escaped you, your fingers slipping from his hair to gently trace mindless patterns on his back.

"Alright, alright," you teased, a playful glint in your eyes. "I'll work on getting that through my 'beautiful, stubborn little head’...but only if you promise to keep reminding me."

Mattheo's lips continued their journey, a purposeful exploration down your chest. Each kiss marked a steady descent, and as he ventured lower, the subtle tensing of his muscles hinted at the strength restrained beneath his touch. His messy curls framed his face like an untamed halo, and he pressed further with a playful smirk, an amused huff escaping him against your skin.

"Reminding you is the minimum," he replied, his voice carrying a promise wrapped in a husky tone. "I'll fucking drill it into your bones, princess--you're mine, I'm yours. Say it."

Your breath caught at the intensity in his words, and a shiver ran down your spine. Meeting his eyes, a mix of desire and vulnerability, you whispered, "I'm yours, Mattheo. And you're mine."

With a gentle hum, he trailed kisses over the curve of your belly, descending to the intimate swell between your thighs. Settling between your legs, his lips tenderly caressed your thighs, eliciting delightful squirms as waves of pleasure surged through your nerves.

"That's right, baby..." he cooed, kissing inward toward the crease of your thigh. "You will always be my first, last, and only love."

With a deliberate touch, he pressed his lips to your pussy, tentative at first, grazing once, twice, before lavishing it with a deep, voracious kiss. Your cry echoed in the room as his strong tongue slid through your slit, exploring your tender folds, a soft groan resonating in his chest. Mattheo maintained eye contact, locking his gaze with yours while he lavished your sex with his mouth. Blinking, you struggled to clear the foggy haze of nearly-untamed emotions that threatened to spill out, his words echoing in your mind like a tempest.

Your fingers curled in his hair. "Oh, fuck..."

You gasped for air, feeling the oxygen drain from the room. Tightening your grip on his head, your hips involuntarily twitched beneath him, the intensity of the moment leaving you breathless. Dizziness washed over you--the heady blend of infatuation and the surging pleasure left you gasping, bucking in the throes of desire. Cravings surged within, a hunger for more, a yearning for him that still caught you by surprise, even after all of this time.

"What else worries you," he murmured into your cunt, his warm breath turning the blood in your veins to pure magma. "What else are you afraid of."

A muted cry escaped your lips, and you swallowed against a tightening throat--Mattheo's kisses delicately navigated your slit, as though tending to the intangible wounds forged in the ebb and flow of your complex, on-and-off sexual intimacy over the past few months. Surprisingly, words flowed with ease, a spontaneous revelation of your soul, unshackled by the torrent of bliss coursing through your senses.

"I...I'm afraid..." you gasped, your eyes squeezing shut, your breath hitching as his murmurs sent shudders through your limbs. "Afraid of losing myself in this, in you," another gasp escaped, "and of not being able to find my way back."

Mattheo purred in praise, urging you to keep going, delving his tongue in between your folds, his tongue wet and strong as it slipped through your slit. There was a deliberate avoidance of your clit--which twitched and stiffened in ways it would only do for him--his mouth marking you in memory as he kissed you not only in desire, but in apology. In servitude.

"And the fear of...of needing you more than I should," you admitted through gasps, your vulnerability laid bare. "Of loving you so much that...that I might lose sight of my own path."

Licking lines through you, Mattheo purred again when he reached the top of your cunt, circling your clit with lavish, lingering kisses. You groaned, fingers coiling around his curls, your hips bucking, begging for him, for his release. But he was torturous--drawing his tongue between your slit until his nose grazed your clit, sparking pleasure, a moan catching deep in your throat. Humming with satisfaction, he rolled around it, and air fled you in wanton breaths while you tried in vain to grind onto his face, fighting his hold on you.

"And...ah," you stammered through gasps, your admission laden with a heavy truth, tears brimming in your eyes, promoting you to squeeze them shut. "Most of all...I'm...I'm afraid of losing you."

Finally, finally--he rewarded your patience and flicked your clit with his tongue, swirling it in saliva before taking it between his plush lips. You sobbed, tears spilling free, body thrashed with waves of ecstasy, and Mattheo moaned into you, his mouth hot and soft and working your clit as it throbbed and ached against him.

Laving at you, he sucked, hands stroking up your sides until he reached your breasts, palming at them, thumbs brushing your nipples. Your back arched in bliss, and you jerked his head into you--in response, he battered your nub with his tongue, suckling you faster, chasing your wriggling frame as you gyrated in rhythm, your chin dropping to your chest, body plunged in pleasure.

"Let go for me," Mattheo murmured, his hold on your hips tightening, his shoulders tensing. "I promise I'll catch you."

He drove his face into your cunt, sucking your clit past his teeth, beating it faster, groaning, bathing in your slick. You whined, twitched, moaned, and euphoria exploded over your skin--within seconds, you were erupting, cumming hard onto his tongue, clit pulsing in his lips, walls spasming at his chin. Mattheo sucked in a breath through his nose, swallowing your orgasm, laving you into oversensitivity as he sucked until you twitched in discomfort. When he finally released you; you collapsed, spent, sweat sticking to the sheets, still shivering with tears.

"Such a good girl for me..." Mattheo massaged your thighs, strong, warm grip kneading your buzzing skin--the tenderness in his gaze flushed you with heat, and you began to tremble. "Shh..."

You swallowed, lungs still finding their rhythm. Mattheo's hands moved with a gentle reassurance, caressing up your thighs and over your hips in a rhythmic dance. Simultaneously, his mouth began a wet trail of soft kisses, ascending with each delicate touch up your stomach.

"Your vulnerability is a fucking honour, my pretty girl," his warm breath interweaving with the intimate cadence of his movements. "Don't keep any of that inside, anymore...you can trust me with your fears...your worries..." the comforting strokes continued, a tactile promise as he whispered, "I'm more than willing to take the weight off your shoulders."

His lips found your skin in a tender embrace, and he hummed against your tingling flesh as he added, "I'm with you...I'll help you find your way, just as you helped me find mine..."

Your chest heaved with a mixture of pleasure and vulnerability. As Mattheo's words echoed in the air, you managed to rasp out, "I trust you," each syllable tinged with the raw honesty of your emotions. "I fucking love you."

His touch, both commanding and comforting, sent shivers through your trembling form, and the weight of your fears began to lift, replaced by the reassuring warmth of his presence. Mattheo's gaze held a depth of emotion as he absorbed your words. His hands, still moving with a gentle reassurance, tightened ever so slightly on your skin.

And then, he shifted, collapsing down on the sheets and slipping up beside you, guiding you to turn onto your side, facing away from him, his arms wrapping around your waist, his mouth teasingly ghosting against your ear.

In a husky whisper, he murmured, "I love you too, Raven, but you already knew that...didn't you?"

He was all-encompassing, warm and solid and strong, enfolding you in something you almost believed was invincibility.

You hummed, lids fluttering softly. "Of course I did, Matty.."

"That's right, baby," Mattheo tucked his knees behind yours, shifting your ass so it rested against his hips--like this, you felt his cock flatted between you, throbbing as you tweaked your position. "My beautiful little angel...all I want from life is to wake up like this every fucking morning...with you...wet and needy for me..."

As you whined, squirming against him, Mattheo leaned in, brushing his lips against the skin behind your ear. He trailed kisses and nibbles down your neck, making you dizzy with pleasure, his hands moving to cup your breasts, rubbing his thumbs against your already hard nipples. You let out a soft moan, eyes rolling as you arched your back into his touch.

"You're fucking perfect." The low thunder of his voice melted in your ears, and he murmured your name. "You want me to fuck that pretty pussy, hm?"

Your throat was tight, and instantly, you nodded. "Yes, Matty...please..."

"Mm." He hummed. "That's my good girl."

You shifted your head to the side until Mattheo's lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss, one of his hands moving to guide his throbbing length toward your core, groaning into your mouth as he entered you with an unhurried, deliberate thrust of his hips. The sensation of him filling you slowly, inch by tantalizing inch, elicited a chorus of whimpering and moaning, each one bringing forth a new wave of exquisite pleasure. As the kiss deepened and he skillfully rolled his hips, your body responded instinctively, arching into him, welcoming his intimate touch.

One arm held you securely against his chest, and the other shifted to your hair, the grip of his hand against your head both comforting and soothing, tracing calming strokes along your scalp. A fusion of bodies unfolded, your essence intertwining with his. The synchronized rhythm of your racing hearts echoed the now-openly spoken connection coursing through your veins.

Mattheo broke the kiss, pressing his forehead into yours. "You are the only one for me." He was seated inside of you, offering soft, gentle thrusts. "I knew it the second you saw the darkest parts of me...the fucking hell in my eyes and didn't even blink...when you told me it mirrored your own."

You whimpered, head spinning in a whirlwind of emotion, and he kissed your nose. "You've always been the woman whose words hang in my mind..." another kiss to your jaw. " ...the woman whose face I see before I sleep..." he confessed, snuffing a moan in his throat. " ...the woman who plagues me every moment I'm awake..."

Every single syllable from Mattheo's lips left you in utter disbelief, grappling with the unfathomable reality that had transpired within your life. Once entirely convinced that love was an unattainable concept, a realm you adamantly avoided, you now stood fully-drenched in the depth of a connection with a partner who defied every single living expectation. Mattheo Riddle, a man who should have been everything you steered clear of, turned out to be precisely what your heart craved--a revelation that shook the foundations of your entire understanding.

In the whirlwind of emotions, you found yourself astounded by the depth of this unexpected bond. He saw facets of your being that had remained veiled to others, unraveling layers of your soul with an understanding that transcended imagination. It was then that you realized, some hearts just understood each other, even in silence.

"You're relentless," his lips hovered mere millimetres from your ear as he intensified his pace, his fingers finding your clit. "You're maddeningly fucking beautiful." A forceful jolt from his hips, and you shattered, the pleasure overwhelming. "And you're the most insatiable, fierce little creature I've ever come across. You stirred me up without effort.”

Your voice was a whimper. "Mattheo..."

His embrace tightened around you, anchoring you as he thrust deeply, filling you completely. "Fuck-you're my good fucking slut...all fucking mine..." he groaned your name, sucking at your shoulder, tongue leaving hot lines on your neck. "This tight little cunt only stretches for me...those pretty lips only moan my fucking name..." his fingers whirled your clit. "I'll be dead before I allow that to change."

"Gods-" you choked, eyes squeezed shut, wetness damping your cheeks as you clutched onto his arm, revelling in every single inch that he was giving you, the pleasure from his fingers intoxicating your conscious. "Matt-fuck-oh...."

"Fuck--" a feral kiss bruised your lips, his cock splitting you with deep thrusts. "Such a good fucking slut...my good little cockslut, hm?"

"Yes-" you gasped, his fingers moving quicker. "Yes-yes!"

"That's it..." He muttered your name against your mouth. "Cum for me...let me feel how much you love this cock..." "

"Fuck-" one more breath, one more gasp, blink, moan, and you were there. "Fuck! Mattheo! Oh, Gods..."

Euphoria swept through you like a tempest, unraveling the seams of your sanity, and you shattered, convulsing with the overwhelming intensity of your climax. Your walls spasmed around his dick, milking him hard, and Mattheo held you, groaning and grunting into your mouth as he held off his peak for as long as he could, until it was too much and he surrendered--his lips working over yours as he came deep inside your heat, hips hitting your ass with every rush of rapture.

After what felt like minutes, he stalled, the aftershocks of bliss rippling through your bodies at once while you remained there catching breath, still connected.

Languid and sated, the two of you paused in a state of post-ecstasy bliss, your senses heightened in a way that defied fatigue. Mattheo, positioned behind you, had seemingly recuperated--his withdrawal from your cunt accompanied by a slow, deep guttural groan that reverberated through the aftermath. A sigh of relief escaped him, and you grinned, nestling against the contours of his body, not ready to leave the solace of his warmth.

The press of his lips against your temple held a silent reassurance, a whispered promise of care and comfort in the aftermath of shared passion.

Finally finding your voice, you could hardly articulate your thoughts, but one question lingered on the forefront, slipping past your teeth. "Where the fuck have you been, all this time..."

Mattheo hummed, placing a gentle kiss to your shoulder, nestling his face into your neck. "On my way here, Raven."

[beannoss]

Something I think about a lot and wonder if maybe gets overlooked in Twilight’s story and as vitally indicative of his character is actually in the very first chapter:

Anya isn’t needed for Strix. Twilight decides to adopt her anyway.

[Spoiler warning: Mostly this post deals with early chapters already in the anime but there is reference to chapter 62, which has not yet been animated and will be in season 3]

Twilight decides it — “I’m going to rework the mission so it doesn’t involve a child because that’s too dangerous” and he’s 100% right! Donovan Desmond is canonically a far right warmonger with fascistic authoritarian aims. His government made liberal use of the SSS — a group to mirror the Stasi — who continue to operate in morally dubious ways (much more likely they’re actively morally reprehensible, though we’ve mostly only had rumours of that so far). From what we can tell, Desmond is at best an absent father and likely actually worse than that: if that's how he treats his own children, imagine how he might treat others. And the timeline seems to indicate that the experimentation performed on Anya was done under Desmond's government — even if Twilight isn't aware of experimentation on children, he is aware of both human and animal experimentation under Desmond's government. Taking all that and also the complexity of Strix's aims, undoubtedly there were other things that could be done, more straightforward if not necessarily easier.

So. Why? Why entertain the change at all? And then, having entertained it, why go back when the reasoning is indisputable?

On the Doylist level, I think Endo wanted to ensure that Anya had some agency within the set up — Endo also does this with Yor. It would be much harder to be on Twilight’s side fully, or to trust him on an ethical level/take him as any sort of moral authority, if he were just straightforwardly using these two people. To have them be active and consenting participants (arguably to actually be affirming the arrangement: Twilight sets it up, but Anya and Yor actually make it happen) even if the audience only knows the depth of their knowledge/motivations/etc currently, shifts the power dynamic in important ways.

But it also the set up tells us important things about Twilight. He is largely impatient, cold, detached in chapter one. His overarching feelings towards Anya are, I think, real annoyance, real confusion, and real impatience. He just doesn’t understand this damn kid and it turns out she’s a person which is frankly unacceptable — he’d needed and anticipated an automaton, ideally of himself in miniature form. (Though I think one could ponder whether Twilight was, in many ways, an automaton himself at this point, but that's maybe for another meta 🙃)

He’s not entirely unmoved of course — we're given to understand he’s affected when Franky tells him how many times Anya’s been adopted and returned, and isn't amused by Franky's joke about names. Franky's comment — "Just don't get attached" — reinforces this. The prospect of “the future” perturbs Twilight when he’s reading the parenting books. His initial reaction to Anya’s kidnap is horror. All these are true too.

Then there’s also this, from earlier in the chapter:

It’s exposition, yeah, and it’s also exposing. "Hopes" and "joys" are very specific words to describe those events. It could simply have been "A marriage? An ordinary life?" but describing them as such — hope for marriage; joy in ordinary life — expose something of what Twilight feels about those two experiences and, on the flipside, they expose what he deems he's lacking. No hopes of intimacy; no joy in (an ordinary) life. There's an argument as well, of course, that he's being ironic but I don't think that actually invalidates the above analysis. Drawing attention to 'hope' and 'joy' at all are revealing, regardless of Twilight's tone in thinking of them. I think it's also interesting this panel, taken in conjunction with a pair of panels in chapter 62, Twilight's backstory. The above is almost a pulled out version of this below panel of Twilight's recollection of his childhood, and of course the returning image of not just a rubbish bin but a rubbish bin on fire when it comes to disposing of his identity:

Back to Strix. Both his final interaction with Karen and the whole everything of the framing of Strix is making Twilight think (and feel, ahem) things that he hasn't for some time. Twilight decides, I’m reworking this. It can’t proceed this way. Not because Anya is a pain in his ass, not because she’s not as (apparently) intellectually advanced as he’d originally thought, not even because he thinks he can find another child who would better be exactly what mission parameters called for. No:

And what changes his mind is Anya asking to come home.

One of the important parts of this to me is this:

He seeks consent.

This moment is a keystone, I think, to understanding Twilight. It’s also more telling than he maybe realises. Twilight is decisive — we all laugh because he spirals at the drop of a hat when his daughter or wife look even mildly upset but outside those (also very telling) scenarios, he makes decisions and he pursues them. Often he makes decisions quickly. He’s a dab hand at it; it’s a large part of why he’s as good a spy as he is.

He’d decided to change Strix.

Anya asks him, in essence, not to.

So, he doesn't.

But it's wild that he entertains keeping her request at all — why? Why even entertain it? It’s dangerous; it’s impractical; there are too many moving parts outside his direct control; Anya isn’t the sort of child he’d wanted for the mission if he’d spent any time thinking about what a child might actually be like; Strix is in many ways an extremely long shot anyway, Desmond could just stop attending for reasons unknown and unrelated; etc.

So, yeah, why? Maybe because of this —

In conjunction, I often think of this moment in the cruise arc:

Twilight first naming the feeling as lonesome, and secondly tacitly conceding that he perceives Yor as a companion and that that relationship is important to him, something to be missed. What makes this for me though is that Anya calls this out "Papa's you're so sappy" and Twilight's reaction is that of someone caught-out. He doesn’t say “nuh-uh!” but he may as well have. Essentially, something landed a bit close to home, hm? Maybe some of that hope for marriage? A soupçon of joy of an ordinary life?

Twilight’s loneliness underpins many of his decisions with his family — probably without him being fully conscious of it. I think he is at least somewhat conscious of it, but also if he looks too closely... Well, best not to. I could fill this post, I think, with images that demonstrate his loneliness throughout the series; that sorrowful/pensive close-up of his eye(s) is one of the abiding motifs for Twilight throughout. I'd probably start with this one from Twilight's backstory arc:

Anya's request plays directly off his loneliness. Still though, he doesn’t immediately capitulate — he emphasises Anya’s choice. Is she sure? The last day has been scary for a child (and for him, but he's ignoring that part) and Twilight, in his increasing recognition that Anya is a person, is probably aware in the back of his mind that he hasn’t exactly been warm or welcoming or at all patient with her. Things that people respond to — he's otherwise excellent at manipulating people, so of course he understands this. So. Given she'd just had this scary experience, given he hasn't exactly been great with her: Is she sure? She wants to come home — with him?

I think the moment may get a little lost because Anya says something riffing off his own earlier thoughts and self-revelation (featuring that shadowed, lonely eye motif again!)

Were this a post about Anya, I’d talk about how it’s an important character moment for her as well by way both of demonstrating her agency/choice and also that she isn’t nearly as dumb as Twilight thinks (and the audience, maybe, also thinks).

But in my view, she didn’t actually need to say anything about it making her cry. I think she could simply have said yes in that moment and Twilight would have agreed.

Twilight’s an unreliable narrator; he’s disconnected from his heart and that shrouds his own motivations from himself — something he actually also concedes in this chapter!

And it shrouds from us just how much he actually understands himself. He’s also a master of deflection. Easy to assume or say that bringing Anya home is just to align with Strix. Nothing more to see here; nothing else going on. But also that ripping off of the mask in the panel above — and the literal 'riiip' sound effects — also indicate to us that this is an unveiling to himself.

In my view, Twilight agreeing to Anya's request, deciding to go back to original mission parameters, actually shifts his motivations, subtly. Now he’s committed not only to the original mission goals, but also to Anya. He needs Anya to succeed at Strix, not only for Strix's sake, but also because otherwise the mission will end and she’ll have to go back to the orphanage, and he’s just agreed with her not to do that (not right away, in any case). I don’t think at this point he’s thinking it’s forever — his thoughts throughout the manga indicate he still expects the Forgers to be temporary. I don't think the shift in motivation is necessarily even conscious, but given the set up, I think something inside Twilight recognises that agreeing to bring Anya home is a compact, jointly engaged. Mostly all this has become subsumed into Strix: he makes decisions. He pursues them. He deflects, even from himself. Of course it's just for the mission; this saved him the trouble of reworking it, of figuring out something else. Nothing more to see; no need to think any more on it. And to be fair to him, Strix is very high stakes, resting pretty solely on his shoulders, so of course that is, objectively, motivation enough. Why even consider beyond that?

But I personally think that to the extent he's aware of it at all, there is something else going on, that he wants to have Anya for as long as it takes him to work something else out for her. If that's the case, then of course, we have Occam’s razor: the simplest solution may be the best one.

Maybe Twilight should just keep Anya himself, eh?

[Image description: gif from Spy x Family season 1, episode 1. Twilight and Anya have just found out Anya passed her entrance exam and are overjoyed. Celebratory, Twilight picks Anya up and swoops her into the air as they smile at one another. End image description]

[tarotwithavi]

You from the eyes of your future lover/future spouse

Read part 1 here

How to choose a pile?

Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Kindly ask your spirit guides to show you the right pile for yourself and then open your eyes. Whichever pile catches your attention is the right pile for you.

For my female audience , I'll be using she/her pronouns in this post.

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Pile 1

When I'm with her, I feel an overwhelming sense of strength and confidence, as if I could conquer any challenge that comes my way. She embodies everything that brings me joy and fulfillment. Being in her presence makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world because I have her by my side. Her mere existence has the power to make my wildest dreams a reality. Not only does she inspire me to reach for the stars, but she also motivates me to become a better version of myself. Her influence pushes me to strive for greatness in all aspects of life. Just knowing that she is there for me, supporting me, and believing in me, helps me heal wounds that were never caused by her. Her presence alone has a transformative effect on my well-being, bringing me solace and restoration. If her love were poison, I would willingly drink it without hesitation or remorse. Such is the depth of my devotion and the extent to which I value her affection. I yearn to be of assistance to her, to be a reliable pillar she can lean on. I aspire to be her rock, her unwavering support, providing comfort and strength whenever she needs it. Being with her fills me with an indescribable sense of empowerment and joy. She is my beacon of happiness, encouraging me to strive for greatness and inspiring me to become the best version of myself. Her love and presence heal me in ways I never thought possible, and I am eager to reciprocate by being her steadfast support and ally.

Pile 2

Describing her is a challenging task, for she possesses a depth that transcends the confines of ordinary words. She carries an aura that attracts wealth and prosperity wherever she ventures, as if they were faithful companions by her side. From a distance, she appears strong and bold, yet I sense a vulnerable little girl hiding within her, fearful of the harshness this world can wield. She has distanced herself from those around her, for nobody has truly comprehended her essence. No one has made an earnest effort to unravel the intricate puzzle of her being. My deepest desire is to be the one who unravels that enigma, the person who embraces the challenge of understanding her complexities. I yearn to discover every missing piece and gently place it in its rightful position, completing the beautiful picture that is her. I want to penetrate the walls she has built, to listen to her unspoken fears and insecurities, and to offer solace and understanding. By becoming the person who comprehends her deepest self, I hope to bridge the gap between her and the world that often fails to perceive her true nature. I want to be the companion who supports her unconditionally, providing comfort and encouragement as she navigates through life's labyrinth. It is my aspiration to create an environment where she can fully express herself, knowing that she is truly seen, heard, and appreciated.

Pile 3

The moment our eyes met, I was immediately captivated by her essence, as if an invisible force had bound my heart to hers. Prior to meeting her, I had been skeptical of love at first sight, dismissing it as a mere romantic notion. However, in her presence, all doubts were washed away by the sheer brilliance of her beauty. She has bewitched me completely, leaving no room for retreat. Even if her allure leads to my demise, I would embrace it willingly, for the privilege of experiencing her presence outweighs any consequences. Her presence has an intoxicating effect on me, causing me to lose my composure in the most enchanting way. It is as if she holds the power to unravel the layers of my soul, igniting a fire within me that I cannot control. My hands yearn to touch her, to explore every corner of her body, as if searching for an uncharted territory that only she possesses. Every flaw she may perceive within herself, I view as perfect imperfections, enhancing her unique beauty and making her all the more irresistible. Words fail to fully express the depth of my admiration for her. She is a work of art, a masterpiece without blemish in my eyes. I am eager to shower her with praise, to extol every facet of her being, and to make her feel cherished beyond measure. In her presence, I find myself stripped of pretenses and laid bare, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. It is an indescribable sensation, this all-consuming affection, where reason and logic are overshadowed by an overwhelming desire to be closer to her. She has become the center of my universe, a gravitational force pulling me toward her. To love her is to lose myself willingly, surrendering to the magnetic power she holds over me.

[buddieism]

tommy's character, bucktommy's inherent flaws, tommy & eddie as mirrors and buddie endgame; a (lengthy) meta analysis

honestly, what's really confirmed my feelings about tommy (and the imminent bucktommy bones -> buddie pipeline) is that there have now been multiple opportunities for the writers to actually make tommy a likeable/serious love interest for buck and they just…haven’t. because while fans are naturally going to overanalyse every little thing, the vast majority of the show's audience are regular viewers who consume the show at face value and don't think twice about it -- so if tommy was intended to be buck's endgame or anything remotely close to it, they'd absolutely want to make the most of his (very limited) screen time to present him in the best light they could. think about karen, the only non-main LI, and how she was introduced to us -- despite hen's cheating, we can see how dedicated karen and hen are to each other and how karen is a complex character in her own right who is immediately easy to root for and love.

comparatively, when we look at tommy's s7 appearances and specifically his interactions with buck, it becomes abundantly clear that there isn't really much depth to their relationship at all. which is fine! it's just... you know. fine. let's get into it.

following the cruise arc, we watch tommy through buck's eyes in 7x04 where he's basically wining and dining eddie -- flying him to vegas, getting them front row tickets to a fight, sparring with him in muay thai, playing pick up basketball with him -- tommy and eddie are so similar (which we'll come back to later), and we even get that line from eddie about how well they "click." as the audience, we are being subconsciously told to align tommy and eddie together -- and furthermore, we are told that tommy can easily make grand gestures when he wants to. now let's compare that to the bucktommy moments of the season.

bucktommy's first date: tommy makes a shady comment that would have outed buck if eddie or marisol caught onto it and then proceeds to abandon him on the sidewalk because he thinks buck isn't "ready" for a relationship with a man

i'll be objective here -- i understand in a show like 911 there's always going to be "unnecessary" relationship conflict for the sake of drama and i can also see how buck trying to play off their date as platonic to eddie might have put a bad taste in tommy's mouth. but we hear from tommy himself that he struggled with being open about his sexuality when he was at the 118 so he could have absolutely extended some sympathy towards buck for not wanting to come out on the spot to his best friend -- especially when tommy fully knows how important of a role eddie plays in buck's life. at the very least, he didn't have to leave buck alone on the curb. this isn't me trying to woobify buck because yeah, he's a grown man, he's fine -- but that doesn't mean it still isn't a bit of an asshole move.

the bachelor party: tommy doesn't dress up for the theme and dismisses buck when he's clearly disappointed about him doing so

tommy showing zero interest for the bachelor party buck planned is practically the writers waving a massive red flag in front of the camera -- him having to leave because he's on call is an understandable 'conflict' plot point but why not have him show up in an 80s themed outfit? it wouldn't have changed anything except that he and buck would have had a positive interaction; buck would have been happy that tommy cared enough to make that small gesture and it could have been a cute way to establish their relationship as one built on mutual effort. (btw, the bucktommy hospital kiss could be seen as a big gesture, sure -- but from a more practical viewpoint knowing how rushed this season had to be, it was also just an easy way for buck to "come out" to the rest of the 118 without having to spend too much episode airtime on it.)

the medal ceremony: tommy says 'enjoy it while it lasts' (which, LOL) and also is not shown reacting to buck receiving his medal. he also has a conversation with henren in a deleted scene.

again, i'm going to try to give tommy the benefit of the doubt -- i'm not saying he has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time and i have no issue with a character having a snarky/sarcastic side. but when his screentime is so minimal, every line of dialogue matters. and it's pretty damning that the writers aren't taking those few chances to give us something to appreciate about him. with buck, tommy makes a dismissive comment for literally zero reason, and with hen and karen, who are rightfully looking out for their friend, tommy refuses to take them seriously at all.

bucktommy's dinner in the finale: buck displays some vulnerability about losing bobby, and tommy... really doesn't seem to care.

honestly i refuse to rewatch this part of the ep because it really icks me out on another level but iirc: buck says he's glad bobby's okay because bobby is like the father he never had -> tommy says "your father's alive" -> something something joke about daddy issues. ignoring #that joke entirely, it's really insane to me that they have tommy even acknowledge the nuclear bomb that is buck's relationship with his parents. yes, we had a bit of a ham-fisted 'redemption arc' in s6 but that doesn't negate the buckley parents being absolutely heinous and the fact that buck verbalises how bobby played the role of the father figure because philip didn't -- all for tommy to basically deny that to his face -- is absurd. tommy has expressed on multiple occasions that he's jealous of the 118 family bond, so this line is just... very interesting to me.

now, let's recap all these events and bring eddie back into the mix!

post-bucktommy's first date, buck is more torn up about the fact that he lied to eddie than the actual date to the point that he has to vent to maddie about it. he then comes out to eddie, who is incredibly supportive (and oliver and ryan make some very curious acting choices indeed). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

pre-bachelor party, eddie is the one to suggest he and buck dress in matching (queer-coded) costumes. he then stays by buck's side at the party when everyone else leaves and although we'll never get to see it (tim minear i'm inside your walls👹), they sing an absurdly romantic karaoke song together. eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

during the medal ceremony, when the camera pans to each member of the 118's love interest/family, it is eddie we are shown smiling at buck, not tommy. this is especially interesting considering we get buck reacting to tommy. i honestly can't get over how a reciprocated tommy reaction would have been an easy yet significant moment to cement bucktommy as a relationship, but they gave us eddie's instead (with chris in the background and marisol conveniently obscured, mind you). eddie is reiterated as one of buck's most significant relationships.

in the final episode, when eddie is experiencing his personal worst nightmare, buck is the one at eddie's side every step of the way. buck talks to christopher, buck reassures eddie (without judgement), and it's made clear that buck will be there for eddie, whatever he needs.

at every possible opportunity, we the audience are being implicitly told that eddie is buck's person. he is his place of support (buck having his more vulnerable coming out scene with eddie rather than his sister); he has buck's back (the bachelor party); he is his family (medal ceremony reaction), and ultimately, this goes both ways (finale).

some other things worth noting: when buck has his coming out scene with maddie, she tells him he's confused about his feelings in a way that seems to indicate she's talking about his feelings towards eddie ("if you there's something you need to tell eddie, you will"). in bobby's conversation with buck in the firehouse, he's verbally supportive of tommy and even asks if buck is going to see him, but buck goes to eddie's house instead. these were deliberate choices made by the writers; eddie has been consistently intertwined in bucktommy's relationship both overtly and subtextually throughout the entirety of s7. and let's not even get into the whole 'evan' thing, because that could be a whole other post in itself.

from the first moment we start to learn about tommy's character (beyond his... coloured past), we find out that he and eddie are practically mirrors. why not make tommy and buck share similar interests? why not give them something to bond over? why present tommy and eddie as almost identical in every way? because tommy is a placeholder for eddie. buck's initial bisexuality journey can't happen with eddie when eddie still hasn't come to terms with his own feelings. so, in the meantime, tommy is the "safe" choice in buck's mind because buck has nothing to lose with tommy whereas he's got everything to lose with eddie. buck can't confront what he truly wants yet because the risk factor is far greater and it's been repeatedly asserted that buck has an issue with people in his life leaving -- he would never do anything to jeopardise his relationship with eddie.

but ultimately (and in my opinion, fairly soon), we are going to get that moment where it "clicks" for buck and he realises that it is eddie he has feelings for. and when that happens, there's basically only one way it can go. we know buck can't keep secrets from eddie; we know eddie is going into s8 feeling "isolated"; we know tim loves making his characters suffer before they can be happy. in my mind, the narrative is going to go something like this: buck feelings realisation -> pining buck era -> eddie healing journey and a reevaluation of what buck means to him -> some insane life-threatening situation that really doubles down on how buck and eddie care more about each other than anyone else because it is 9-1-1 at the end of the day -> love confession induced by their dramatic near-death experience -> #BUDDIE_CANON !

when we factor in how there was a possibility of eddie having the sexuality arc this season instead, how tim has said buddie is one of his favourite dynamics of the show, and how supportive both oliver and ryan are of the ship, i really can't see how everything isn't building to buddie endgame. every other main pairing of the show has had seasons of development, of conflict, of bonding moments. buck and eddie have gone through that with each other time and time over (tsunami/lawsuit/shooting arc etc), which is why every other random love interest that's introduced for either of them falls flat in comparison. they quite literally are exactly what the other person needs; buck wants the stability of a home, a family, and unconditional love; eddie wants someone he can trust, a caretaker for his son but also a partner. buddie is the ship the audience wants to root for, because we know they work! now that we have canonically bisexual buck and eddie finally having to face his complicated feelings about losing shannon, buddie isn't just the logical conclusion -- it's the inevitable one.

[cosmicdream222]

The void explained in an old Reiki book

The other day @gorgeouslypink posted about Reiki and the Void on her challenge account here. Usui Reiki is the type of reiki I learned back around 2018, although I kinda half-assed the training and never fully read the book 💀 So I found one of my old Reiki books (it’s from 1995!) and flipped to the back to see if there was an index. There wasn’t, so I proceeded to open it to a random page and what is it about? The Void.

It’s kind of flowery Buddhist language but it’s the void y’all:

Here is the text for easier reading:

Reality is created by the action of Mind from the Void. The Void is the depths of fathomless peace, purity, perfection, mystery and joy. In Wiccan terms it is Spirit, Ether or Goddess. All Be-ing comes from the Void, and it is the essence of all existence. All Be-ing (everyone) is already in a state of perfection, a part of the Buddha Nature (or Goddess Within). Reality is also the Non-Void, which is all potential, and a vast complex of worlds and shifting universes.

Mind emerging from the Void is the first Buddha source, but this source is obscured to most people by the illusion of the senses, the Non-Void. The reality created by this obscuring of Pure Mind is like the reality created in a mirror. People in incarnation do not awaken to their intrinsic purity (the Void) which exists beyond the senses. Their understanding is based upon the Non-Void's illusion. A distorted mind on Earth acts to creates a distorted reality, resulting in suffering.

"Mind, which manifests itself as wisdom, is intrinsically Void; yet everything proceeds from it and is therefore mind's creation." Everything real is created from the perfection of the Void. Yet, because of distortion and illusion, we perceive the world as imperfect and remain attached to delusion.

Wisdom=energy=creation is the Void, and participates in Nirvana. Human perception of reality is Non-Void, based upon potential, and participates in the Mind's creation of suffering in the world.

Enlightenment is understanding the joy of the Void, one's perfect Buddha Nature, and leaving the attachments and delusions of the Non-Void and the senses. Once true reality is perceived, attachments and cravings no longer have meaning, and Nirvana is attained. This understanding is Enlightenment, which leads to the release of the soul from karma and incarnation. It happens by the freeing of the Mind from delusion.

- Essential Reiki by Diane Stein, 1995

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・。.。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

My tl;dr summary:

Our reality is created by the Mind, which comes from the Void. Everything comes from the Void, and its limitless potential. The 3D world (the non-void) we see is an illusion created by the senses. Unenlightened people suffer because they are stuck in the 3D’s illusion, thinking what they perceive with their senses is real.

True understanding, or Enlightenment, comes when we grasp the joy and perfection of the Void, realizing we already have it all, and can release attachments and delusions of the senses.

[zapreportsblog]

❝the witch hybrid and her companion 2❞

✭ pairing : father Carlisle Cullen x reader x imprint Seth Clearwater

✭ fandom : twilight

✭ summary : (y/n) is a young witch who Carlisle had saved from the Salem witch trials, she had been been on the verge of being fully brunt to death when he had grabbed and rescued her, she was fifteen when he had turnt her thus making her the first hybrid of both witch and vampire species.

✭ authors note : this is part 2 to this request and I’m resuming from where I left off at

✭ twilight masterlist

In the days following the revelation of Seth's imprint on (Y/N), Carlisle's overprotectiveness had reached new heights. He wanted to know her whereabouts at all times, even when he was at work. While his intentions were rooted in concern, (Y/N) found his constant vigilance suffocating.

One afternoon, feeling frustrated and in need of some space, (Y/N) decided to return to the Quileute pack's house. She was aware that her presence might not be welcomed by everyone, but she couldn't bear the overbearing atmosphere at home any longer.

As she arrived at the pack's house, Paul's abrasive greeting didn't surprise her. "Oh great, the freak's back."

Seth, sitting nearby, growled in response, his protective instincts kicking in. He shot Paul a warning glare before getting up and rushing to (Y/N)'s side. His face lit up with a lovesick smile as he hugged her tightly. "I've missed you," he murmured.

(Y/N) blushed and fidgeted under Seth's warm embrace, feeling a mixture of flattery and embarrassment.

Sam, observing the scene, approached with a curious expression. "Why are you here, (Y/N)?"

Unable to meet Sam's gaze, (Y/N) buried her head in Seth's chest and mumbled, "Just wanted to talk with Seth for a bit."

Seth tightened his hold on her, as if silently claiming her presence. He responded with a determined nod, his expression reflecting his unwavering affection for her.

Sam exchanged a knowing glance with the other pack members, recognizing the depth of Seth's imprint bond with (Y/N). While some tensions still lingered, they understood that this connection was beyond their control and something that needed to be respected.

(Y/N) and Seth, in that moment, found solace in each other's presence, away from the complexities and expectations of their respective worlds.

“Here follow me, I know where we can hang out at.”

Seth gently led (Y/N) toward the beach, their footsteps leaving imprints in the soft sand. The sound of the crashing waves filled the air, and the moon cast a shimmering silver glow over the ocean. It was a tranquil scene, the perfect backdrop for their conversation.

They found a quiet spot on the shore, sitting side by side, their toes sinking into the cool sand. They watched the waves roll in and out, the rhythm of the ocean providing a sense of calm.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Seth turned to (Y/N), his eyes searching her face. "Something's been bothering you, hasn't it?"

(Y/N) sighed, her gaze fixed on the horizon. "Yeah, it's my father, Carlisle. He's been so overprotective lately, and it's suffocating."

Seth chuckled softly, understanding her frustration. "I get it. My big sister, Leah, can be the same way. They care deeply for us, (Y/N). They don't want to see us hurt."

(Y/N) nodded, appreciating Seth's perspective. "I know, and I love him for it, but I also need some space, you know? I want to have my own experiences and make my own decisions."

Seth grinned, his expression warm and supportive. "You're strong, (Y/N), and you've got a good head on your shoulders. You can handle it. Just be patient with him. He's learning too."

They turned their attention back to the waves, their conversation bringing a sense of understanding and reassurance. In that moment, (Y/N) felt grateful for the bond she shared with Seth, one that allowed them to share their concerns and find solace in each other's company.

As they watched the moonlight dance on the water, they knew that the challenges of their supernatural existence were vast, but with each other's support, they could navigate the complexities of their worlds and the relationships they held dear.

Seth's curiosity lingered in the tranquil night air as he turned to (Y/N) and asked, "If it isn't too much trouble to ask, what was it like back then for you?"

(Y/N) contemplated the question for a moment, the memories of those dark times resurfacing. "During the Salem witch trials?"

Seth nodded, his eyes reflecting genuine interest.

(Y/N) took a deep breath, her gaze distant as she began to recount her past. "My mother and I lived in fear, but there was a strange kind of harmony to it. We were both witches, you see. We learned magic from the grand witch, the first to be burnt alive in those trials."

Seth listened intently, captivated by her story.

(Y/N) continued, "The grand witch had been an outcast, feared and shunned by the townsfolk. But she wasn't wicked; she was just misunderstood. My mother and I were the only ones kind to her, and in return, she taught us her magic."

Seth's eyes widened with understanding. "So, you and your mother were accused because of your magic?"

(Y/N) nodded sadly. "Yes. They found my mother using her magic to make the crops grow during a particularly harsh season. The townsfolk believed it was witchcraft, so they killed her. A few months later, they came for me, fearing I was a witch like her."

Seth's expression turned sympathetic as he listened to the harrowing tale. He couldn't imagine the pain and fear (Y/N) must have endured during those dark times.

(Y/N) sighed, her gaze returning to the moonlit waves. "It was a time of persecution and ignorance, Seth. I'm just grateful that I found a family who accepts me for who I am now."

Seth reached out and gently squeezed (Y/N)'s hand, offering silent comfort and understanding. He had glimpsed a piece of her past, and it only deepened his admiration for her strength and resilience.

Seth's curiosity continued to drive his questions as he turned to (Y/N) once more. "Can you tell me what it was like when you were turned into a vampire?"

(Y/N) hesitated for a moment, her memories of the transformation still vivid and painful. "It was... excruciating. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. The venom burned like a thousand fires, coursing through my veins."

She shivered as she recalled the sensation, her voice quivering with the memories. "It was like reliving the flames from the stake all over again. But there was something else, something deeper. My own blood fought against the venom, resisting the change."

Seth's expression turned sympathetic as he listened to her describe the agonizing process. "That sounds awful. How did you make it through?"

(Y/N) took a deep breath, finding strength in the presence of her friend. "I had Carlisle with me. He saved me from the pain of the stake, and he was there to help me through the transformation as well. He's been my savior in more ways than one."

Seth nodded, his respect for Carlisle growing even stronger. He couldn't imagine the strength and resilience it took for (Y/N) to endure such a traumatic experience and emerge from it as the person she was today.

As they continued their conversation under the moonlit sky, (Y/N) and Seth found solace in sharing their pasts and the challenges they had faced.

As (Y/N) and Seth continued to share their stories and experiences, it became clear that their bond was growing stronger with each passing moment. (Y/N) had learned about Seth's curiosity, and now it was her turn to ask about his life.

"I'd like to hear more about your life, Seth," she said, her eyes filled with genuine interest. "Tell me about your family."

Seth smiled, appreciating her curiosity. "Sure, (Y/N). Well, it's just my mom and my sister, Leah, now. Our dad, Harry, passed away when I was pretty young."

(Y/N) nodded in understanding, a sympathetic expression on her face.

Seth continued, "After Dad's death, it was just the three of us. Leah took on a lot of responsibility, helping our mom, Sue, raise me. She's always been strong and protective."

(Y/N) listened intently, gaining a deeper understanding of Seth's family dynamics.

Seth's smile grew as he recounted more of their story. "Leah shifted first, a few weeks before I did. It was a tough time for us, but she managed to navigate the challenges of being a wolf. When I eventually shifted too, it was a relief to have her by my side, guiding me through it."

(Y/N) was struck by the strength and resilience of the Clearwater family, especially Leah and Seth, who had faced significant challenges at a young age. Their bond as siblings had undoubtedly played a crucial role in helping them weather the storms of their supernatural existence.

As the conversation with Seth stretched into the late hours of the night, the moon hanging high in the sky, he eventually noticed the time. With a concerned expression, he spoke up, "It's getting pretty late. I could ask my mom if you can stay over if you want."

(Y/N) smiled warmly at his offer, appreciating his thoughtfulness. "That's really sweet, Seth, but I should head back home. My family's been worried about me enough as it is, especially my dad."

Seth nodded in understanding, realizing the importance of (Y/N)'s family. "I get it. Family comes first."

As they began to make their way back to the pack's house, Seth walked alongside (Y/N), the night air filled with a sense of companionship and understanding. When they finally reached their destination, Seth turned to (Y/N) with a soft smile.

"Well, (Y/N), thanks for coming to visit and sharing all those stories with me."

(Y/N) returned his smile, feeling a sense of connection she hadn't expected when she first ventured out to the pack's house. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Seth's cheek. "Thank you for being such a good friend, Seth. I'll see you soon."

Seth's cheeks flushed bright red at the unexpected kiss. He stammered a grateful but slightly flustered reply, "Yeah, definitely. See you soon, (Y/N)."

As (Y/N) turned to head back home, she couldn't help but smile, feeling a warmth in her heart. The supernatural world was filled with complexities and challenges, but it was also where unexpected friendships and connections could bloom, leaving a lasting impact on those who dared to embrace them.

As (Y/N) returned home, the familiar embrace of her family awaited her. Carlisle, who had been anxiously waiting for her, enveloped her in a tight hug the moment she stepped through the door.

"I'm so sorry for my behavior, (Y/N)," Carlisle whispered, his voice filled with regret. "I just worry about you, and I love you deeply."

(Y/N) returned the hug, her heart warmed by her father's concern. "I love you too, Carlisle. I'm grateful to have you as my father, even if I'm adopted."

Carlisle smiled, a mixture of relief and affection in his eyes. "You will always be my daughter, no matter what."

Feeling reassured, (Y/N) couldn't help but yawn. The long evening and heartfelt conversations with Seth had taken their toll on her.

Seeing her exhaustion, Carlisle gently said, "It's getting late, (Y/N). You should go to bed."

(Y/N) hesitated for a moment before making a request. "Can you stay with me until I fall asleep? Sing me the lullaby you used to sing when I was younger?"

Carlisle nodded, his heart swelling with love for his daughter. He followed her to her room, and as she settled into bed, he sat beside her. He began to softly sing the familiar lullaby that had always brought her comfort.

"The monsters gone, and it's on the run,

And your daddy's here.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful girl."

As the soothing words filled the room, (Y/N) felt her eyelids grow heavy. She closed her eyes, listening to the familiar melody, and soon, the embrace of sleep overcame her.

Carlisle watched over her for a while longer, a wistful smile on his face. His little girl was growing up, and with each passing day, she was embracing her own unique journey in the supernatural world. He knew that their family's bond would remain unbreakable, no matter how much she changed and grew.

With a final loving glance at (Y/N), he left her room, closing the door gently behind him. The night settled over the Cullens' home, and Carlisle couldn't help but feel grateful for the love and connections that bound their family together, even in the face of the challenges that their extraordinary existence presented.

[system-of-a-feather]

DID and Recovery

Honestly, I think something that I don't think I've seen talked about that I've only now really reflected upon and put into words myself, is just how much living DID - or at least DID with heavily elaborated parts and just a general complex / polyfragmented structure - is just how much of your life is Actually Just Internal and its not really something I've noticed until I've begun to operate in a fused manner and more grounded manner

Because growing up, I didn't really exist in the real world. I - in my many different parts and forms - occasionally existed in the real world, engaging in it like it's a job, a video game, a challenge, a maintence task, or what not. Even as a fused whole, I never really lived in this world. Every part of myself only "visited" and "checked in" whether they explicitly were aware that's what they were doing. I was just bouncing between 400 Visas and names. Living in this world never meant anything to me much more than either a place of pain, a place of work, a fun game, a challenge, a hobby, a task, etc.

My childhood was internal. Almost all of my parts, our childhood was internal. Our memories of our childhood relates to how it was internalized internally. Our traumatic memories of childhood relates to how it was recorded internally and the narrative we attributed to it. Our internal experience was more important than our external experience. Our family was not our family as much as our situational family that we existed around - our real family were the parts we were aware of during that time. Riku's siblings weren't their siblings. They were "our" siblings to which "our" didn't really exist. Lucille was Riku's adoptive sibling.

So much of our past and our history is so hard to understand if you try to talk about it in a manner that is grounded only to what was happening externally, because the experiences we had externally mean much much much less to us and how we were shaped than the internal experience. The external facts inform what was happening internally, but if I were to talk about my oldest sister's psychological abuse, it would mean a lot less than if I talked about the internal ramifications and depiction and understanding of it.

And so even now, as we've healed massively, we've really got at least 10 fully elaborated different versions and understandings of our lives. We've lived entirely different narratives and at the same time they are all me, but none of them were really here, in the real world, existing or caring about anything other than either our specific hobbies / interests and our "duties"

The past 8 years was all about us learning to really live and engage in our internal world more intentionally and mindfully and productively, learning one another and learning our overall history; the past 3-4 years has been largely us learning to figure out how to exist in a world we have never genuinely existed in. And I think our fiance played a large rule in helping us with the "culture shock" and keeping faith that we could one day kind of find our place in "this world" that doesn't feel like a fraudulent lie or a forced face.

I think its only been this past year or so since we've been in functional multiplicity, final fusion, and/or living as a fully fused multiple have we ever actually **LIVED** in this world.

And I find that it's kind of hard to explain my own life story to those that don't understand and/or can't fathom what it means to very much not live in "this world" but you know, that's okay. People don't necessarily need to fully understand it, because these days that depth of understanding isn't even really necessary. I think its just important that space is held, respected, and understood as I learn to navigate my life in the real present real world because honestly, I want to live here. I want to be here. I want to be present and exist in the world I HAVE to exist and learn to love it. I've spent most of my life visiting this world and doing maintenance so I could sustain my internal space, but honestly, I really would love to live in both. Find joy in both. Make the maintenance not "maintenance" but just part of living.

That's all just to say that living and existing in the world when your entire understanding of self and history is based on your internal world and experiences that you had in relation to that internal world that no one can really see or even properly fathom, it's all just an interesting, unique, and challenge experience that I don't see talked about much.

[mel-addams]

Get Started Drawing...

...even as a complete beginner!

In my efforts to help some friends who are only just starting to learn to draw (as adults! glorious!! <3), I kept digging around for resources that cover things I remember learning in the various art classes I've taken...but that does a better job than I can of laying it all out in a comprehensive, but not overwhelming, manner. (I am far too prone to rambling as you can see from this post, and bounce around topics as I remember them, rather than in a sensible order.) I've found a few guides here and there that cover one thing or another decently well...but I've finally found a free site I'm really keen on as an overall source if you're just starting out with learning to draw!

It's incredibly clear and concise, whereas many of the other sites and books I found could sometimes be overwhelmingly detailed. It's arranged in a way that reminds me of the flow of art classes, starting at the very first steps--how to approach art if you've never done it before, and the fact that you only need basic tools to begin with. If you go in approximate order, it then establishes that you should start sorting out a solid foundation by practicing simple lines and shapes--the same way you learned to write letters so you could ultimately make words, sentences, stories... This includes some neat little practice exercises with questions to consider while you do them, so you also learn to see and observe things like angles and proportions, which are critical for being able to accurately draw more complex things.

It evolves from there into how to take those basic shapes and turn them into simplified human bodies--and from there, how to consider more complex 3D versions of the shapes to give those bodies a sense of dimension and physicality. It even touches on things like composition, silhouette, negative space, and line of action--all in a quick, straightforward manner. It plants the seed of understanding for these more complex illustration concepts, which you can then research further, armed with relevant terminology to dig up more in-depth resources as they catch your interest!

The style itself is usually simple, but even if your aim is to draw with a more detailed style, this one can serve as a base sketch to add that detail to. (Combine learning this base with photo studies, plus more detailed style guides for wherever you want to take your art, and you could use this as a base for comics, cartoons, anime, realism...the core concepts and skills remain the same!) There's also examples of how to adjust for varied body shapes, so it provides more flexibility than some drawing guides do, which often only focus on one "ideal" body type. (This style can also be used for that, if it's what you want--you just adjust the proportions of the basic shapes as you need! But this provides examples of how to handle variety, which will give you a better foundation for drawing people and characters so they don't all look the same, instead of having to figure out how to adjust for it later on.) The Shape Dolls for reference are also incredibly delightful, and a great cheap way to have a little pose reference mannequin of sorts!

There's also links to sources if you want to dig into concepts more deeply--available both as a general source page, as well as some specific topics including relevant sources at the bottom of their respective pages. There's also a patreon with some extra thoughts that is fully accessible for free, but has a paid option if you want to support Tan for providing such a lovely resource! (Also they have a legit vegetable farm?? How cool is that.)

So yes! If you have any interest in learning to draw--whether you've ever tried before or not, and no matter your age--try looking through this site, and let it guide you through the process!

[hueningsloverr]

౨ৎ 60 months !

pairing: taehyun x reader summary: a close-knit relationship with taehyun is something to be earned, and you seemed to have done just that. word count: 1.1k extra: have we all gotten over txt world tour? I HAVENT !! go terry fuck it up!! apart of my anniversary series that i accidentally never finished!

taehyun was unlike anyone you had ever met before - and that was saying something considering you knew many people. he was more reserved than others, yet at the same time he was so outgoing.

his duality was what drew you to him initially - how could one person have so many different personalities? then you found out he was an idol, and it made a decent amount of sense. it was apart of his job to act one way on camera and another for the different concepts. when he was off camera he was able to be himself.

what drew taehyun to you was the fact that you studied his behavior; every time he did something that seemed out of line for how he acted that day, you payed great attention to it. it was almost as if you took mental notes on how he acted so you could draw out a map of behavior.

but you’d never fully be able to uncover every last detail about the boy, and he’d never fully know everything about you either.

it was a fact that both of you had come to terms with early on in your friendship, and though at times you seemed displeased by it, you largely accepted the fact.

still, there were moments when you felt an unspoken understanding between the two of you, like you could read each other's thoughts without needing words. taehyun had a way of looking at you, his eyes soft yet probing, as if he were trying to see the depths of your soul. in those moments, the walls he built around himself seemed to crumble, even if just for a second.

as your friendship grew, so did your curiosity. you found yourself wanting to know more about the person behind the stage persona, the real taehyun who laughed at silly jokes and pondered over the mysteries of life.

and he, in turn, seemed equally intrigued by you. your quiet confidence, the way you seemed to observe the world with a discerning eye, fascinated him.

there were late-night conversations that spanned hours, where you shared your dreams, fears, and everything in between. it was during these times that you felt the closest to him, and you cherished these moments more than anything. yet, despite the bond you shared, there was always a part of him that remained elusive, just out of reach.

one evening, after a particularly grueling day of rehearsals, taehyun invited you to the rooftop of the building. the city lights sparkled below, and the night air was cool against your skin. he leaned against the railing, gazing out into the distance.

"you know," he began, his voice barely above a whisper, "sometimes i wonder if anyone truly knows me. not the idol, but the real me."

you turned to him, searching his face for any hint of emotion. "i think people see different parts of you," you said gently. "and maybe that's enough. maybe we're not meant to be fully understood by anyone."

he nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "maybe you're right. but hey, i'm glad i at least have you. you seem to see me in ways others don't."

your heart swelled at his words. it wasn't a grand declaration, but it was enough.

in that moment, you knew that the connection you shared with him was special, even if there were parts of him that remained a mystery.

as the night wore on, you stood there together, comfortable in the silence, knowing that some things were better left unsaid. and that was okay. because sometimes, the beauty of a relationship lies in its complexities, and the unspoken understanding that comes with it.

days turned into weeks, and weeks into months. your bond with taehyun only deepened. you became his confidant, the person he turned to when the pressures of fame became too much. you listened without judgment, offering him a safe space to express his worries and fears.

one evening, after a long day of interviews and photoshoots, taehyun showed up at your door, looking more exhausted than you had ever seen him. without a word, you let him in and led him to the couch. he collapsed onto it, letting out a deep sigh.

"rough day?" you asked softly, sitting down beside him.

he nodded, closing his eyes. "you have no idea. sometimes it feels like i'm being pulled in a thousand different directions, and i can't keep up."

you placed a hand on his shoulder, offering him a comforting squeeze. "you're doing amazing, tyun. it's okay to feel overwhelmed. just remember to take care of yourself too."

he opened his eyes and looked at you, a hint of gratitude in his gaze. "thank you. i seriously don't know what I'd do without you."

you smiled, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "i'm always here for you."

in that moment, you realized just how much taehyun meant to you. he wasn't just a friend; he was someone you cared about deeply, someone you wanted to see happy and thriving. and you knew he felt the same about you.

as time went on, your relationship with him continued to evolve. you attended his concerts, cheering him on from the crowd. you celebrated his successes and comforted him during his lows. and through it all, your bond only grew stronger.

one rainy afternoon, taehyun invited you to his favorite café, a cozy little place tucked away from the bustling city streets. the sound of raindrops tapping against the window created a soothing backdrop as you sipped your coffee.

"i've been thinking a lot lately," taehyun said, breaking the comfortable silence. "about life, about us."

you looked up from your cup, curiosity piqued. "what about us?"

he took a deep breath, his expression serious. "i know we've always said that we can't fully know everything about each other, and i've come to terms with that. but i also think… maybe that's what makes our relationship so special. we keep discovering new things about each other, and it keeps things interesting."

you nodded, understanding where he was coming from. "i know what you mean - it's like we're on this journey, together, and there's always something new."

a small smile played on his lips. "exactly. and i wouldn't want it any other way. "i've been at this for sixty months, you know?" he added, pausing slightly while he tried to formulate the proper words. "and until you i've never met someone who wasn't one of the boys that could even somewhat understand me."

in that moment, you felt a profound sense of contentment. you realized it didn't matter if you knew every last thing about taehyun, simply knowing him in the slightest was enough.

"well, here's to me making sixty months of progress in just a few months." you grinned, raising your coffee cup in a joking manner.

"here's to you - to us."

a/n: finally returning to this series after like 4 months whoopsies

©2024 - all rights reserved to hueningsloverr, please do not plagiarise or translate any of my work

[shakingparadigm]

may i ask your opinions on what ivan is truly like ?

( without pretending to be someone or something else entirely ? )

Okay !! Finally back to answering asks !! Once again, please be mindful of the fact that these are mostly my own personal thoughts. Always take them with a grain of salt.

The thing is, Ivan is an incredibly difficult character. He was written to be complex and multi-faceted, literally having more than just one "face". His actions almost always have another layer of depth to them and he tends to contradict himself, further complicating people's perception of him. It's not easy to pin him down, and that was exactly the intent. They made sure that the viewers wouldn't be able to fully grasp his emotions.

( I find this fact rather funny, because in one of the behind posts QMENG herself says that sometimes Ivan does things she cannot understand. The creators just allow Ivan to be complicated. He is what he is, and while there are undoubtedly reasons for it, the full truth remains unknown to us. )

Regardless, this is what I personally think.

Ivan seems to define himself by his imperfection, so much so that his actions and perspectives are influenced by his deep self-hatred. It's established that Ivan is "lacking" something, he is fundamentally different from others. Ivan builds himself around this since he literally has nothing else. He defines himself by his lack of definition. The fact that he is different and needs to be "cured". Ivan grows attached to the qualities that he "lacks", drawn to the biggest personality in the garden like a moth to a flame. He is fascinated, not envious, and I think that says a lot about him. He places those qualities on a pedestal, believing them to be so much better than himself. He feels that it's something he will never achieve or deserve, something he can't have.

It's interesting that the only time we can pin Ivan as "envious" is not when he's faced with his opposite, but with his parallel. Someone he believed to be just like him.

One thing about Ivan is that he is (unsurprisingly) lonely. Since his entire life is defined by this feeling of separation from others (either literally through the segyein's selection or more intangibly through his mental and emotional difference from others), Ivan feels constantly isolated. Nobody has been able to properly understand him, which further worsens the feeling that something is wrong with him.

When he finally finds someone that he can relate with, it brings him a sense of relief. Note that when Ivan refers to (what he perceives as) their similarity, he uses derogatory language. Twisted. This is how he views himself.

( translation is by @sorrowcure ! )

Compared to his interactions with others, his confrontation with Sua is uncomfortably honest. Ivan is most critical with the person he relates to, further emphasizing how deeply critical he is of himself. Ivan is not envious of Till or Mizi, who are so fundamentally different from him, he's envious of Sua because she is just like him yet has something that he doesn't.

It may feel unfair for the one person you saw yourself in to accomplish something so out of your reach. Her love was reciprocated in full, adored and revered by the person she loved most. They weren't the same, after all. It reinforces what he always believed to be true: he was alone.

( translation by @/oreganocactus on Twitter! )

There are many other instances of Ivan's self-deprecation and low sense of self-worth that leak into his behavior, such as down-playing himself in his interview, referring to his own feelings as "shallow", convincing himself that he was never truly cared about, etc. His deep dissatisfaction of himself rises to the surface quite often, shown in the way that he takes pride in his achievements (his work), yet cannot view himself as a person in a positive light.

INTERVIEWER: What do you think is your charm?

IVAN: I can't really think of any, because I think I have more flaws (haha),

To me, a lot of the "actual" Ivan can be seen in his younger self. It's not a complete display of what Ivan is truly like, obviously. He was a child and hadn't yet developed in certain areas. Still, it's a period in Ivan's life where he didn't mask or play up a different image. The quiet, stoic, and blunt Ivan seems to be a more genuine side of him, at least compared to his more charming persona. QMENG considered Ivan with his hair down to be "most like himself", and I think it's no coincidence that the most memorable version of Ivan with his hair down is his child self. The infamous Bowl Cut Ivan.

With this fact in mind, I also find it no coincidence that in ROUND 6, where Ivan is presented as a "perfect actor" in costume, he starts off with his hair slicked back.

And when he finally drops the mask, when he acts out of his own volition, his hair falls onto his face. Hair down, most like himself.

Another notable instance of Ivan's hair being down is the casino/karaoke room scene, which was quoted as an example for Ivan's emotional immaturity, his supposed "childishness".

There's so much to be said about Ivan, including the neurodivergent/autistic traits that have been discussed by other people in more depth (notably his difficulty in understanding/expressing certain emotions, his masking, his often misconstrued actions, etc). There's also many of Ivan's more conflicting aspects (which seem mostly confined to the patreon? so I'm not sure if they're still planning to incorporate it into the publicly official content or if it was overhauled), but I'm going to stop here because I feel like this post is already pretty random and disconnected.

The gist of it is that I don't think I can give a solid answer on what Ivan is truly like. I'm not even sure if he can answer that, as he seems to be at war with himself quite frequently. Ivan, under his charming and cheery facade, is unable to feel or express emotion in the same way other people do, which causes difficulty and struggle in many other aspects of his life. Not like the one he has is completely his anyway, but, you know.

[savagewildnerness]

Sam Reid: such a master at, with a flicker of emotion spelling a world of words unsaid.

When we get books from Lestat’s perspective, we discover the eloquence & complexity of Lestat’s thinking & we understand the depth of his emotions. And sometimes Lestat explains how these very eloquently articulated feelings & thoughts on the page; he never actually said them aloud to someone. I think it likely that many of us here, expressing our lives & loves in written words in online spaces may relate to a difficulty doing that verbally? Well, I relate, anyway.

But for Lestat it is very different than for me. I find verbal words much harder than written ones. But Lestat has been told & shown over & over again that he is “too much” and so when he has his big thoughts & feelings, in the moment, he doesn’t know how to contain them enough when they’re important enough to actually tell them to people without the recipient finding him “too much” too.

But it’s not an easy thing, with just a look to convey fully what’s going on in Lestat’s brain when Lestat doesn’t speak the words he feels to the person he feels them to.

Here, Claudia has left; Lestat: literally “The Light” of a creature: one of the most positive beings (at least in what he puts out into the world, if not always in what he feels inside) that exists is drawn into Louis’ gloom. But he can exist in Louis’ gloom & feel increasingly hopeless & depressed himself. Lestat can carry that & wait & be there as long as Louis needs him to, because he loves Louis. But he can’t carry that Louis doesn’t seem to care about him at all.

Louis so focussed on Claudia even when she’s absent… it’s so close to yet another soul Lestat loves abandoning him; neglecting him… as everyone has in the end: from parents to lovers to Mentors to people who told him they loved him or found him extraordinary once…. And does Louis care? Lestat is here anyway, but the pain flickers as Sam shows us, even while to Louis, seeming as though he’s perhaps annoying or being flippant or superior; superficial and unconcerned about Claudia when he actually turns In Louis’ direction…

But we, the audience can see & feel the full story. Thank you Sam!

[keimunnn]

past love

KUVIRA + F!READER

warnings: nsfw (18+) — wlw, use of you/your, dom!kuvira and sub!reader, straddling, poosay to poosay (as it should), hurt and comfort (?)

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"I've always pictured a future with you." You confessed, looking down at the intertwined hands. "Marriage... I've always thought you were the one." Your voice turns itself into a whisper, the tone a bit broken as the words escaped your lips.

Kuvira's eyes widened slightly at your confession, her heart skipping a beat as her gaze flickered between your joined hands and your face. A mix of surprise and emotion washed over her, her heart swelling with a longing she had tried to bury deep within her.

"I..." she began slowly, her voice tinged with a mix of disbelief and hope as she carefully chose her words. "I never stopped loving you. I know it wasn't right for me to leave as I did, but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

"I've already forgiven you. I just can't do anything now that you're engaged to Bataar." You looked up at her, smiling softly. "I am honestly in no way to act on your decisions. It's your choice."

Kuvira's heart sank at your words, a mixture of guilt and sadness filling her eyes. She understood the complexities of the situation, but the longing in her heart refused to fade. She gently tugged her hand back, creating a small distance between you, her expression filled with a complex mix of emotions.

"I understand." she whispered softly, her voice tinged with a hint of resignation. "Maybe it's best... if we keep our distance for now."

"But before that..." You looked up at her with hopeful eyes.

"May I atleast express my love for you... one last time? Business engagement or not, I've always wanted to show my love to you once I see you in front of me again after three long years." You clasped your hands in front of your chin like a silent plea. "If I may?"

Kuvira's heart leapt at your plea, her resolve faltering at the earnestness in your gaze and the raw emotion in your voice. She could sense your sincerity and understand the depth of your feelings. Her initial hesitation melted away, her nod gentle and reluctant.

"Okay." she whispered slowly, her voice tinged with the weight of her emotions. "You may."

You looked at her with a soft, yet, apologetic smile, leaning closer to her. You admired how she had easily allowed you to do anything in exchange for the last three years of leaving you alone in Zaofu out of nowhere. That time where she had left you without a single word or letter to fulfill her dream of uniting the Earth Kingdom.

"I apologize to you both in advanced." You cupped her cheek softly before pressing your lips against hers, leaning ever so closely as to kiss her passionately with all your love and desire that has been kept inside for three whole years.

Kuvira's heart fluttered wildly at the touch of your lips against hers, a wave of emotion and longing crashing over her like a storm. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes fluttered shut, time seeming to stand still as she allowed herself to fully immerse in this moment, in the gentle touch of your kiss.

This was a stolen moment, a brief moment of raw vulnerability and love shared between two people who had longed for each other beyond measure. In that moment, nothing else mattered but the connection they shared.

You leaned even closer, your legs finding themselves on either side of her lap as you straddled her. Your hands rest comfortably atop of her shoulders with a gentle grip.

Kuvira's breath hitched as her arms instinctively wrapped around your waist, pulling you close against her as your passionate kiss deepened. Her lips moved against yours with a hunger that matched your own, their connection filled with a years-long longing that had built and festered into a roaring flame.

This moment, this stolen intimacy, was a culmination of their unspoken emotions and desire, their hearts and bodies intertwining in a dance of unspoken promises.

A tear slipped out of your eye as you closed them shut, focusing on giving her all your love and affection you have always wanted to give her before she left Zaofu and left no signs of coming back. Well, not after two days ago.

You pulled away slowly, looking down at her hazily with a loving gaze. "Kuvira, I love you." you whispered quietly, caressing her cheek with a hand.

Kuvira's breath caught in her throat as your words washed over her, her heart swelling with a mixture of joy and bittersweet sadness. A gentle smile tugged at the corner of her lips, her eyes misting with emotion as she cupped your cheek in return.

"I love you, too." she whispered softly, her voice trembling slightly with the weight of her emotions. "That hasn't changed, even after all these years. My heart has always been yours."

You giggled softly, resting my forehead against hers affectionately. "I... I want to express how much I've missed you all these years... But I'm afraid Bataar wouldn't like that." you whispered once more, now rubbing your cheek against hers.

Kuvira's eyes widened slightly at the mention of Bataar, a pang in her heart as she tried to push the thought of her engagement aside for the moment. She gently placed a hand on your cheek, rubbing her thumb over your skin delicately as she spoke quietly.

"Let's... not dwell on that right now." she whispered softly, her tone tinged with a blend of affection and resignation. "Just let us... be together in this moment, without the complications of the world outside."

"Then, may I..." You leaned away, eyes widened slightly at her words. "May I express how much I've missed you right now? Right here?"

Kuvira's heart fluttered at your question, a mixture of vulnerability and desire swirling within her gaze. She took a moment to compose herself.

"Yes... yes, you may." she whispered softly, her voice tinged with a mix of longing and anticipation. "Express yourself... let your feelings flow freely. I'm right here, and I'm all yours."

You smiled happily, leaning down to kiss her once more, but deeper this time. Your hands snaked around her neck as you kissed into her passionately, pressing your chest against her.

Kuvira's breath hitched as she returned your kiss passionately, the depth of her feelings rising to the surface as their lips met in a searing embrace. Her body pressed against yours, a rush of desire coursing through her veins as she reciprocated your passion, her hands gently tracing over your waist with a mixture of longing and devotion. This connection, this unfiltered expression of love and need, was a lifeline Kuvira had craved since their paths diverged.

Soft moans were sent onto the kiss, feeling her fingers unbuttoning your top eagerly as your hips grinded your core against her lap, pulling away as you looked down at her with hazy eyes.

"Kuvira..." You whimpered out, watching as she finished unbuttoning your top, sliding it down your shoulders, revealing the bra that was resting underneath.

Kuvira's breath hitched as your top slipped off, her gaze flickering over your exposed flesh as a rush of desire surged through her. Her body flushed with heat, her eyes darkening as she traced her fingers along your bra reverently, relishing in the touch of your skin against hers.

Her lips parted in a soft gasp as she met your hazy gaze, her voice a whisper filled with need and desire. "You're beautiful..."

You blushed down at her, slowly reaching behind your back to unclasp the undergarment, letting it fall and slide onto the living room floor. You sat on her lap, the top half of your body fully exposed to her now.

"Are you sure... about this...?" I asked once more, wanting to confirm anything before taking any step further with her, even with the feeling of guilt for even doing this with her in the first place. "I... I just want to make sure."

Kuvira's breath caught in her throat as her eyes hungrily roved over your exposed body, her heart racing with a mixture of desire and hesitation. Her eyes searched yours, her voice husky and laced with a hint of vulnerability.

"I... I am sure." she whispered softly, her words tinged with a quiet decisiveness. "As long as you are. I want this... I need this. I need you."

You took that as a hint and leaned down to kiss her once more, letting her hand delve and squeeze onto your soft mounds, your hand leading one of her gloved ones onto them as you kissed onto her lips, both of your mouths parted as your tongues made contact.

Kuvira moaned softly into the kiss, the feel of your tongue against hers sending a shiver down her spine and a wave of pleasure rippling through her body. Her hand eagerly seized the opportunity, her thumb gently grazing over your perked up nipple as she hungrily returned the kiss, her body heating as their passion ignited.

As your hands wandered down the plains of her stomach, leaving goosebumps in their wake, Kuvira's breath hitched as she leaned into your touch, her body arching ever so slightly as your fingers trailed lower. Her heart raced with desire and a hint of anticipation, her breath coming in shallow gasps as her senses flared.

You breathed into the kiss, feeling your fingers trail down onto her toned body and place a hand through her pants, moving it underneath as you pulled away to send her a hypnotized-like look into her eyes. "I missed you..." You whispered, hips grinding against her lap as you explored your hand inside her uniform pants.

Kuvira gasped softly as your hand slipped into her pants, her breath catching in her throat as her body arched into your touch. "You have... no idea how much I've missed you..." she whispered, her voice husky with desire and longing as she returned the gesture, her hand gently tracing over your hip.

Your hand squeezed through her underwear, trailing a line in between her wet slick, feeling the wetness under the pads of your fingers. Her hips rocked gently against your hand, her body responding almost instinctively to your touch.

You pulled your hand out shortly afterwards. Your gaze lands down at her as you licked it off the wetness on your finger. Kuvira's breath hitched at the sight of you licking her slick off your finger, a wave of desire and need coursing through her at the gesture. You leaned back towards her, snaking your hands to rest on her chest, stabilizing yourself.

"Are you certain you would want to do this with me, Great Uniter?"

"More than certain..." she whispered in reply, her voice husky with desire as she met your gaze, her body burning with anticipation and longing.

"Then..." You stood up from her lap, standing in front of her as you reached both of your hands under your skirt, pulling at the bands of your underwear before sliding them down, bending over a bit and let them slide down to your ankles. You stepped out of the holes before looking down at her, pointing at her uniform.

"Take them off too." You softly leaned over and tugged at her pants, looking down at her with a desperate glint in your eyes.

Kuvira's breath hitched as her eyes raked over your body, tracing every curve and contour with a heated gaze. She stood up with a swiftness that betrayed her eagerness, her eyes never leaving yours as she began to unfasten the clips and straps of her uniform.

The sounds of her metal rods falling fown to the floor echoed around the room as well. With each piece that fell to the floor, her body was unveiled, the soft curves and hard lines of her toned physique bared before you.

Once she had finished taking everything off, leaving her toned body exposed in front of you, your body had practically jumped on her to give her a small kiss, making the both of you stumble a bit as you laughed softly once you pulled away.

"Come on. It's much more appropriate if we were in a bedroom right?" Right as you said that, Kuvira lifted your body up, having to hold the back of your knees to her sides as you wrapped your arms around her shoulders, giggling as she carried you along the small hallway. You told her the directions before arriving inside whilst you placed kisses onto her neck, Kuvira's hand locking the door up immediately.

"I suppose it is more appropriate." she whispered softly, a smile playing at the corner of her lips. "Much more intimate, don't you think?"

Kuvira carried you with relative ease, her strong arms cradling you against her as she strode towards the bedroom. Once inside, she gently set you down on the bed, her body pressing against yours as she moved to hover above you. Her breathing was deep and even, her eyes tracing over your face with a mixture of desire and affection.

"I finally get to be like this with you." You whispered softly, tracing a finger onto her cheek. "After three years... my love for you never ceased, Kuvira." Your gaze held a longing desire in them, staring up into her own.

Kuvira's gaze softened, her expression a mixture of affection and contentment. For a breathless moment, she simply allowed this feeling of love to wash over her, her heart full to bursting with the depth of her emotions. She tilted her head into your touch, her eyelids fluttering as her breath caught softly.

"Mine as well..." she whispered, her voice tinged with a blend of sincerity and longing. "More than you could ever know."

Your hands pulled her down, kissing up at her. Your legs spread outwards as she squeezed in between to lean her body close to yours as she hovered above your own. Instinctively, you bucked your hips up to her, already feeling the tension and arousal building up inside.

Kuvira groaned softly as your hips bucked against hers, a rush of desire coursing through her at the contact. Her breathing hitched as she deepened the kiss, her tongue flicking out to trace over your bottom lip as she ground her hips down in slow, purposeful motions.

"Mmmh..." You moaned out into the kiss, pulling back to look down at her hips grinding onto yours with a soft whimper from your lips. "Please..." You looked back at her, your figure underneath her was eagerly wanting to go further.

Kuvira's breath caught at the sound of your soft, needy whimper, her own body responding eagerly to the way you writhed beneath her. Her hips rolled with increasing fervor, each movement drawing a low moan of pleasure from her. She leaned in close, her breath hot against your ear as she whispered softly.

"Tell me what you want, love. I'll give you anything you desire."

"Please, just... love me, baby?" I whimpered, letting out gasps at her hip movements. "Press yourself onto me?" My eyes glanced up at her, half-lidded from my pleas.

Kuvira's breath hitched at your words, a rush of desire surging through her at the plea for intimate connection. With an intoxicating mix of reverence and desire, she repositioned herself, pressing her body down onto yours. Her lips found yours in a fiery kiss as her hips rolled against yours with a smooth, sensuous rhythm, her body melding perfectly with your own.

You softly grumbled as she lifts a leg over her own, angled down her hips on yours to get both of your cores to press against eachother. You bit your lip softly, moaning at the intimate contact that she started grinding against your core.

"Oh, spirits above." You let out, gasping as you felt her movement growing sensually fast.

Kuvira moaned softly in response, her body flushed with heat as she ground against your core, her own need and desire growing more intense with each movement. Her heart pounded in her chest, a rapid staccato beat echoing in her ears as the world around them seemed to melt away, leaving only the heady rush of pleasure.

"Spirits" she panted softly, her breath coming in shallow gasps as she moved against you. "You feel so good..."

You moaned out loudly as she slipped two fingers in addition to her grinding, sticking both inside as it hit a wave of euphoria spreading all over my body, making me grip onto the pillows beside my head.

"Oh, Kuvira."

Kuvira gasped softly at the sound of her name on your lips, her body shuddering at the sheer pleasure that surged through her at the sound. Her fingers worked in time with her hips, exploring you with a tender, yet firm touch as she sought to draw out wave upon wave of pleasure.

"Ah..." she whispered, her breath coming in ragged gasps as her fingers curled inside you, a gasp leaving her lips at the sensation. "You feel incredible. So perfect..."

"Oh, yes, yes, yes...!" I felt myself nearing my release, feeling every movement from her as I threw my head back into the pillow, my head almost bumping onto the headboard at her movements.

The sound of your moans sent a shudder through Kuvira, the desperate, needy whines that left your lips driving her to continue, her fingers pressing deeper to coax out as much pleasure as possible. She could feel the way your body rocked against hers, the desperate movements of your hips a clear indication of the ecstasy that was building inside you. She leaned down, her lips trailing over your neck as she whispered softly.

"Come for me, love..."

And at that, you chased your high and reached it completely, letting out a loud moan as to let her know how good it felt. You panted heavily, feeling her remove her fingers and grind slowly to ride out your releases before she lets go of your leg and plop down beside you.

"Kuvira..." You murmured out, turning your head towards her as your eyes filled with ecstasy. "Thank you... for having this moment with me."

Kuvira smiled softly at your words, her own breath coming in shallow pants as she came down from her own high. Her heart swelled at the depth of the connection they had just shared, her gaze tender and adoring as she rolled onto her side to face you.

"There's no need to thank me, my love," she whispered softly, her voice filled with sincere affection. "We are in this together, always. And moments like these, where we can fully express our love and commitment to one another, only strengthen the bond between us."

"I wish we would be..." You mumbled in response, remembering her engagement once more, sending a sting straight onto your heart.

"Oh, how I wish I would be getting married to you instead..." You whispered, hugging into her own bare body as you snuggled against her shoulder. Kuvira's heart ached at the wistful ache in your voice, her hand coming to gently stroke your hair in a gesture of comfort and reassurance as you fell into slumber.

"I know, love," she whispered softly, her thumb gently tracing soothing circles on your shoulder.

"I'm sorry."

[day-dreamsinthedark]

"Lucerys cut Aemonds eye and had no punishment!"

Aemond was carrying a rock, ready to bash Jace's HEAD IN. Baela and Rhaena witnessed the entire thing. WHY would you punish your son for that? Literal witnesses. At. The. Scene. We get that you're obsessed with Aemond, but don't pretend that he wasn't a rotten little boy too.

"Jace and Luke ARE bastards!" No, they aren't. Bastards are only bastards until they have been legitimized by the King, which they have been since birth. The Kings word is law. ALSO, they are just as Targaryen as Aegon lol so genuinely who gives a flying fuck? At least they aren't awful rapists or attempted+actual kinslayers.

Anyway, when Laenor loves his boys wholly, when Corlys loves his boys wholly, and when the King himself loves his boys wholly and recognizes them all as fully blooded heirs to the throne, all of those ridiculous "but they're bastards!" arguments fly out the window ♡ unless the true politics of the show... suddenly don't matter?

++ adding context:

When I say Viserys loved his boys I literally am only speaking of Jace and Luke 😭 Or Rhaenyras children in general. He was a very kind father and king until he had children with Alicent. His general nonchalance about their existence + Alicent's lack of care is absolutely why they are so awful, but I am too tired for in-depth character analysis. I understand the complexities of these characters, but I just hate the way people act like Luke stabbed Aemond for no reason 😭 Have none of you ever hurt someone in self defense/defense of others? It doesn't matter how much you hurt them-- when you genuinely believe you've stopped a catastrophic event, there is no mercy and there is no regret.

Also, I have not read the books, nor do I have any interest in reading them (aka I read like 50 pages as a 14 y/o and was so horrified I gave the set to my brother ♡)