#i gave into the temptation because i thought i didn't have to work tomorrow

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I will go up to a year at a time without cheating and eating pork, so it gets easy for me to wonder if maybe I got over it and can have it again. Surely it can't be as bad as I remember it being. I'm probably just being dramatic. And bacon is just so good.

This post, right here, is a reminder for future me to learn from my current self's mistakes and stand strong against the siren song of pepperoni pizza.

[gabechevarriaaa]

NOVEMBER 9, 2017

TESTIMONIAL DINNER SPEECH

Let me start from the beginning.

​Entering UP, I never really wanted to be a CPA. I didn’t even know exactly what “accounting” was. I pursued it because it has been my family’s dream for me for the longest time I could remember, and because at that time, I didn’t know what to do with my life anyway.

​By 3rd year college, I was miserable. I hated it. I was failing quizzes and exams. And it was new to me, having been an achiever all throughout elementary and high school. The more I felt frustrated by my grades and couldn’t tell my family about it because they have such expectations from me, the more I turned to debate because at least it was something I felt that I was good at.

​This went on over my last years in college. Failing exams, taking removals, failing removals – it goes on and on. It’s not like I didn’t study because I knew I did. I didn’t know what I kept doing wrong. I didn’t know why I still couldn’t understand. I didn’t know where to get the same determination that my classmates had. Sometimes at 3AM before a 9AM exam, you just find yourself crying.

​I didn’t blame anyone for my frustrations, and I never faulted my family for letting me take up Accountancy. At a certain point I accepted I was a mediocre student and all I could do was survive, sem after sem, and aspire to graduate on time.

​I did. But that isn’t the real goal isn’t it? Not the reason why you’re still all here fighting? Because deep inside, amidst the temptations to just give up, we don’t just want that sablay. We want that title.

​Around a month before leaving for review, it was like a truck hit me. It all suddenly became real to me – that I was leaving home in the pursuit of a title that is the key to my future. Honestly, I was scared because I knew I didn’t know enough at that point, and I couldn’t fathom how 5 months could be enough to relearn everything. But instead of letting my fear get the best of me, this time I was resolved to claim it. No more playing around. No matter how hard, I was going home a CPA.

​Just when I thought I couldn't get any more pressured and stressed at this crucial point in my life, I lost a treasured long-term relationship. It's no secret. And no words could describe the magnitude of how devastated I was. I didn't want to eat. I couldn't find the focus to study. I couldn't think through the pain and the anger. In every way, I felt lost.

​But then, in seemingly a flashing moment, I realized my dreams were independent of temporary people. I am Gabriela Echevarria, and I was going to be a CPA before the year ends, with or without a boyfriend. So I got my shit together.

​But it wasn't easy. You can't be strong by tomorrow and without any help. Moving on from someone, and moving towards a goal required time, prayer, and a lot of work. And on my part, a lot of drinks. I needed to constantly remind myself that no heartbreak, no temporary person, is worth losing the CPA dream for. I wasn’t going to be a CPA for a future I envisioned with someone else… I was going to be a CPA for myself. And of course my family.

​I lost so much in Iloilo but it gave me back so much more. I was at my lowest point. I lost a love I thought would stay but it was also there that I learned to love even better. Myself. My family. Old and new friends. One unexpected special person…from Davao. Sa Iloilo ako nasaktan, pero sa Iloilo din ako natututong magmahal ulit. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

​The girl who boarded the plane to Iloilo is not the same girl who boarded the plane back home. Because the girl that the island met carried with her a mountain of self-doubt, whether or not she could do enough to pass the boards that October. But the girl who went back home, is someone I could say, is a girl that I actually like – stronger; knows what she deserves and will not simply settle; believes in her capability to achieve what she puts her mind into; understands that the probability of failure is always on the horizon; trusts that God has His own perfect timing; and knows that everything happens for a reason and a purpose, at the time they are supposed to happen.

​If I was sitting there now with you, listening to my speech, this is what I would tell my undergrad self:

​First. You are not your INCs, or your failed exams. Your future self is not defined by who you are or the level you are at right now. It is never too late for you.

​Second. You have your own path, you have your own journey, and you have your own struggles. Stop comparing yourself to your classmates and stop underestimating yourself. You are stronger than this.

​And, third. No matter what you're going through, no matter how insurmountable it seems, and no matter how small you feel in the circumstances you are facing...find comfort in people who would support you unconditionally.

​The silver lining of my journey is that success tastes sweeter now after everything I've been through. Through it all -- the cluelessness with which I entered UP, the failures in undergrad, heartbreak, homesickness, unwanted plot twists in life, but as well as all the happiness and the blessings -- CPA 2017 is real for me. I claimed it.

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Deuce Spade New Year's Attire Voice Lines

Summon Line: This is my first big job of the new year. I'll make sure to get right down to it and start this year out right!

Groooovy!!: Yeah! I'll make sure to shout out with enthusiasm. Happy New Year! Please, come on in!

Home: These clothes really give me the determination to do my best.

Home Idle 1: I'm using up a lot more of my energy than I thought working part-time at the shop. This morning, I ended up sleeping all the way up until the time my job was supposed to start...

Home Idle 2: I didn't expect Epel to be that great at snowball fights... Must be because he comes from a snowy country. I have to practice so I can throw these snowballs faster!

Home Idle 3: Before the holidays, Rosehearts-ryōchō gave me a crossword puzzle book. Of course I was able to solve them! ... 6 out of 50 puzzles...

Home Idle - Login: Happy New Year. I look forward to our continued association this year as well. ...How's that? Wasn't that a super mature greeting!?

Home Idle - Groovy: Looks like it'll be a pain to shovel the snow at Ramshackle in the wintertime. If you need an extra pair of hands, I'll help, so let me know.

Home Tap 1: This job has so many temptations, it's definitely dangerous. While stocking the shelves, I end up finding so many things I want that I almost end up using my paycheck to buy them.

Home Tap 2: You know how on cold days, the windows frost over? When I was little, I used to love doodling on them.

Home Tap 3: Before I started work today, Jack and I raced our first 100 meter dash of the new year, but... it was a tie. I'll definitely win tomorrow!

Home Tap 4: Whenever I celebrate back home, my mom and I would have a huge cleaning frenzy before the new year. Because if the house is clean, then we'll feel renewed too.

Home Tap 5: Apparently the sleeves on this outfit also are used as pockets. Me? I get hungry when I work, so I put some snacks in there.

Home Tap - Groovy: In the Queendom of Roses, fireworks are set off around the country right as the new year begins. It's so colorful and totally amazing to watch! You should come check it out someday.

[harryfreakinstyles2]

Torn (Part 2) H.S.

I've been standing here for what seems like forever trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going with this handsome stranger known as Harry. I don't want the conversation to end yet and lucky for me he breaks the silence so I don't have to.

"I really am sorry. Lucky for you but not so much for me I missed your white shirt." He says with a cheeky smile. I wanna be offend by his inappropriate comment but I can only laugh and shake my head in return when I see his smirk appear.

"Can I buy you a drink to make up for it?" He asks still staring right at me and I can't seem to look away.

"That's okay, I've already had a few and I was actually planning on leaving soon," I respond forcing myself to look away from his intense stare.

"Leaving!? Already!? It's still early, I just got here!" He responds dramatically like it's the craziest thing he's heard. I can't help but laugh at his response.

"Well I've been here for a bit already and as much fun as it is to watch drunk girls trip on the dance floor. I think it's time for me to go," I say back sarcastically smiling like an idiot when I hear him chuckle.

"Come on, I'm meeting some people you can hang with us!" He offers. His determination to have me stay makes my insides melt. His tall figure has moved closer to me as we continue to talk over the loud noise in the crowded club and I can smell his cologne on his black T-shirt and it's intoxicating me more than the three drinks I have had.

"Actually I'm here with some friends who are probably wondering where I am so I better..." I trail off as I start to walk away from his intoxicating aroma secretly hoping he'll stop me.

"Wait!" Harry responds gently wrapping his large hand around my arm and I turn to face him again.

"Yea?" I smile to myself while turning to face him satisfied that my plan worked.

"Could I get your number then if you really are leaving," He says his giant grin returning but his voice sounds more unsure than I expected. He is still making direct eye contact his gaze so tense I feel like I can't breath for a minute.

"Harry!!!!" I hear a familiar voice yell from behind me ending whatever moment was just happening.

I turn to see Julie running up as she collides into Harry wrapping her arms around his neck tightly. His smile fades for a minute but returns quickly as he hugs her back.

"Where have you been? I've been waiting for you to show up!" Julie says in a joking way, but I know she is actually serious. Just as Harry goes to respond Julie notices me before I can sneak away.

"Allie! I was just coming to look for you! Have you already met Harry?" She asks looking between the two of us genuinely curious.

"Umm yeah. Sort of. We kind of ran into each other when I was leaving the bathrooms." I tell her. I decide to leave out the part about his drink spilling all over me and everything else that happened. It felt personal and there definitely seems to be something going on between her and Harry. He looks at me a little surprised. I am assuming because I didn't say anything about him asking for my number two seconds ago but he doesn't say a word.

"Oh well, Harry this is Allie my best friend, Allie this is Harry!" Julie says slightly slurred and a little too loud.

"Nice to meet you," We say at the same time in an awkward exchange this time avoiding eye contact. Julie doesn't seem to notice the weird tension between us.

The three of us start walking back to the table Julie walking between Harry and I. I try not to stare when Julie slips her hand into Harry's. My mind is racing trying to remember if Julie ever mentioned a new guy but she never said a word about Harry to me which is very unlike her. She never even mentioned a guy and she still hasn't hinted at filling me in later. I feel a hint of jealousy arise and push it down. What the hell is wrong with me. I don't even know him. But if he asks for my number while he obviously has a thing with Julie it is probably better that I don't.

When we return to the table I purposely sit on the opposite side as far away from Julie and Harry as I can get. Which happens to be right next to Sam who is less awkward now that he is intoxicated. I try my best to focus on whatever story Sam is currently talking about but I can't help myself from looking over the table at Harry every few minutes. I look up and catch his green eyes for the millionth time tonight. I curse under my breath at myself. I can't do this all night, whatever this is.

"Hey I'm going to the bathroom if anyone asks." I whisper to Sam as I leave the table trying to sneak away while everyone else is distracted with conversation.

Deciding the rest of the night will be better spent in bed I grab an Uber instead of returning to the table and text Julie from the car telling her I headed home and I will see her in the morning. Of course she doesn't respond, but I didn't expect her to anyway.

When I get home I shower, and put on my favorite giant T-shirt to sleep in. I'm climbing into bed with my glass of ice water and popcorn ready to binge watch a new show until I fall asleep when my phone goes off on my nightstand. I groan reaching for my phone because I don't feel like talking to Julie tonight. But instead of Julie I find an unknown number on the screen followed by a text.

Unknown: Are you okay? Did you go home? Why did you just leave and not say anything!

At first I assume it's Sam because I lied and said I was going to the bathroom but Sam has never been much for calling people out and I remember that I have his number saved in my phone already. I get a weird feeling like I know who's number it is and a smile forms subconsciously on my face at the thought. But I remind myself he obviously has something going on with Julie and it probably is not him. And I shouldn't want it to be him.

Me: Who's this?

I text back.

Harry: It's Harry obviously!

His first message comes through and I laugh at his assumption that I should already know it is him.

Harry: And you didn't answer my questions!

He texts right after making me roll my eyes at this strange situation.

Harry: Are you okay? Are you back home already?

The texts flow in one after another my heart starts pounding as my stomach drops.

The first thing that comes to mind is how does he have my number because we never had the chance to exchange them at the club and more importantly why does he have it. I've been staring at the texts for a few minutes trying to decide if I should just not respond all together even though all I really want to do is respond immediately with a snarky sarcastic and flirty comment. I can't help but wonder if he is still with Julie. Are they dating? Is it serious? They are definitely more than friends because I watched her lace her fingers with his while they were walking. Why hasn't she told me about him. My curiosity gets the best of me and next thing I know I am texting him back.

Me: How do you have my number?

I type out and I have a feeling he won't stop asking so I throw in,

Me: Also I'm fine, already home.

And I send it.

Harry: I got it off Julie's phone. Okay good! Why didn't you say anything? You just left!

He responds almost immediately. I read the text and read it again. He got my number from Julie's phone!? My mind is racing. There is no way she just gave it to him I know her too well, she would automatically be on the fence. Which means he stole it. But the question I keep asking myself tonight is why? He is with Julie why does he even care that I left. I had one conversation with him. AND he is with Julie!

Me: I told you earlier I was planning on leaving. I was tired and just ready to go home. I texted Julie and told her.

Short and to the point I read it again and hit send. The truth is I couldn't stand to watch Julie put her hands all over him for another second so I bolted before anyone could ask why I was leaving. But there is no way in hell I was going to say that.

A few minutes past with no response so I am hoping my simple answer and mentioning Julie again was enough to stop the conversation, but I am out of luck when my phone dings again.

Harry: You should have said something. Everyone was worried.

He texts back to my surprise.

Me: They were worried? Please they were all too drunk to notice I even left the table.

I send back annoyed without thinking and almost immediately regret it. That makes me sound like a bitch and really I am not annoyed with them I am just annoyed with him. Even though he didn't do anything really.

Harry: Okay, I was worried.

My heart feels like it might burst from my chest and I can't get the stupid smile off my face as I read the message. I don't even know him, why is he having this effect on me. Why the hell did he say that. My head feels foggy from the whole night and confused by Harry. And Harry and Julie. And the three drinks I had.

I decide the best thing to do is not respond no matter how bad I want to. So I set an alarm for tomorrow so I don't sleep all day and place my phone on the nightstand to keep the temptation away. I roll over shoving my pillow over my head and keep repeating "he has a thing with Julie" over and over again to try and get the image of his green eyes out of my head.

[teamdrake27]

Home "Open Heart" "Choices Fanfic".

Pairing: Ethan x MC.

Author's note: It's been a while since the last time I wrote a fanfiction. I hope I did okay. English is not my mother's language so forgive me if there's some mistakes. 😇💜

- Kate leans closer to him, so close that their lips are almost touching but then she suddenly stops, leaving only an inch between their lips. Ethan breathes in sharply. Every wall he built falling as he aches to taste those lips again.

"How long are you going to resist, Ethan?" He feels a burn inside his chest as he hears his name on her lips for the first time since Miami. He was burning with desire. 

"Come on...kiss me!" She said seductively. 

He was struggling, so much struggling. He wanted this and he knew that he doesn't have that much self control around her to stop himself. 

Just when he leaned to kiss her-

"You're drooling on the documents, Ethan!". 

"Huh?!" 

He jolts awake to find Harper standing infront of him, hands on her hips as she watched him sleep and drool over the documents. He wipes his lips with the back of his hand then rubs his tired eyes in exhaustion. 

"How many times do I have to tell you that you shouldn't work that long?! Look at you! You'll die alone on that chair of yours!". The mention of death reminds him of the condition of his only family, Naveen. He frowns. 

"Thank you for waking me up, Harper" He says putting on his sweater. Even though you interrupted such an amazing dream. 

"Seriously?! That's all you have to say?" She says clearly annoyed. 

"I'm not in the mood for your life facts and lectures, Harper. I'm happy with how I'm living. I'll see you tomorrow" He says as he walks past her outside the office. She sighs frustrated as she walks out of the office to allow him to lock it. 

"Keep telling yourself that, Ethan" She said before leaving him to lock the door. He knew that it was a lie, though he never shows his true feelings and emotions to anyone in this world except two people. Dr. Banerji and Kate. It's probably the hardest days of his entire life. He lost his friend a few weeks ago and now he is losing his only family, Naveen. Not to mention his strong feelings for the new intern that are torturing him day and night, even when he is sleeping. He can't rest at all. He hasn't felt that exhausted in his entire life. But despite all the exhaustion he decided to check on Dr. Banerji before he leaves. Not that exhaustion stopped him before.

Just when he reached the room. He realized that Naveen isn't alone. She was there covering him with the blanket. Tears falling down her cheeks as she stared at the old man lying on his death bed. 

He never saw her crying before. It pained his heart. He knew that she cared deeply for people even when she didn't know them for that long, but her crying was a whole new level. But then he remembered. This is the first time she may lose a patient. Though deep down he hoped not. I won't lose him! 

As soon as she realized someone's watching her, she wiped her tears quickly, swallowing the lump that formed in her throat before she walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind her. 

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned. 

"Yeah, it's just...he is a really good man, he doesn't deserve this..." she broke down at the end of the sentence as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

"We'll find a way, Kate. Don't give up!" he couldn't help but wrap her in his arms. She needs this, he needs this. Seeing her reacting like that makes him feel weak. She was his rock since the beginning of this. She was the only one who let him believe that this isn't the end. That there's hope. But now he felt like the end is near. She clinched his shirt tightly as she rubbed her face in his chest. He tightens his arms around her as he smells her perfume aroma. This smell. He hadn't smelled it that close and deep since that night in Miami. It sent chills down his spine. He didn't want to ever let go...but he has to...

After a while, they pull away at the same time. He clears his throat adjusting his coat. 

"I know that there's still hope but I just couldn't help it when I saw him...now that I got to know him..." She said avoiding eye contact with him. She felt embarrassed, she doesn't like to cry infront of anyone. No matter what happens to her, she always waited till she was alone to let it all out. Crying always always made her feel like she is so vulnerable infront of people. But then Ethan isn't just any people. She always felt comfortable around him despite his sarcastic remarks. He seemed to understand her more than anyone. And she needed him. 

"It's quite alright, Rookie. We're all human and have our moments of weakness. It's pretty normal" And with that she no longer felt embarrassed. He understands her and knows what to say exactly. 

He felt really happy that she felt comfortable enough to let it all out infront of him. It means a lot to him considering the fact that she always smiles infront of people even when she is hurting from inside. He was good at reading people and that always came in handy for him. He gave her a tired smile before squeezing her shoulder gently. 

They made their way together to the exit as they walked side by side. 

"So...why did you stay that long? It's 2 am!" He asked concerned. 

"I could ask you the same question" She said side glancing at him.

"I was working and I fell asleep!" He admitted blushing slightly. 

"Oh! So you do sleep!" She said amused. 

He rolled his eyes "Yes, Rookie. I'm human not a machine". 

They exited the hospital.

She chuckled "I know, it's just...whenever I come to the hospital, I find you working. No matter what time it is".

"Yeah, I have been overworking myself for the last few months and you know why more than anyone..." He said the last sentence almost as a whisper. 

"I do. But 'you can't save people if you don't take care of yourself'" she said using his words against him. 

He chuckles "You're impossible, Rookie!" He said smiling to himself. No matter in which state he is, she always manages to make him smile and feel better. He never understood how she did it, though that was a part of who she is, and he loved every part of her. 

"I think it's better if I drive today" She said walking to the driver's seat of his car.

"And why is that? What makes you think I'll allow you to drive my car?" He said raising an eyebrow at her.

"You're tired that you may fall asleep while driving so yeah and I'm not asking by the way, Dr. Ramsey!" She said opening the door and getting in the car. 

He shook his head at her as a smirk made its way to his lips. 

"I'm tired, not drunk, Rookie!" He exclaimed but got in the passenger's seat anyway. He knew arguing with her is useless, she is so stubborn. Not to mention, he doesn't have enough power to protest.

He loves this bossy side of her. Everyone who came to Edenbrook always was afraid of him. But she seemed to see everyone for who they really are and he was glad that she did because if she didn't, he wouldn't have gotten the chance to know this amazing woman and spend time with her. She was never afraid of him. He felt like a normal human being around her, which made him feel really comfortable to open up to someone other than Naveen. It was unusual and refreshing. He smiled at the thought. 

The whole ride they sat in silence. Electrified silence that is. Them being alone in a small space always worked them up. Just like when they hid in the supply closet.

When she finally reached his home. Just two minutes walk away from hers, she turned to find him already asleep. He looked so peaceful. Vulnerable. Like a little baby. She got to stare at his face and recognize his features this close for the first time and it was like she is seeing him for the first time. He is so beautiful. She thought to herself. He looked so peaceful that it ached her knowing that she has to wake him up. She reached up and brushed the hair off his forehead gently. She wanted to touch his face so badly and she couldn't help herself as she stroked his cheek gently.

"Ethan?" She said softly. He hummed before he half opened his beautiful deep blue eyes tiredly.

"Wha- what happened?" He said jolted awake when he realized she saw him sleeping. At least I'm not drooling again. He thought to himself.

"You fell asleep" She said softly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Perhaps you driving was a thoughtful idea" He said smirking slightly. 

She laughed causing the sides of his lips to quiver farther "You might be my boss in the hospital, Dr. Ramsey. But I'm your boss outside of it" she stopped smiling when she realized what she just said. 

"Damn right, you are..." he said in a whisper. They locked eyes and his eyes looked so intense. It was like it takes every single bit of his power not to reach out and touch her. 

She couldn't breath as her heart started beating fast.

"Ethan..." She said softly, leaning a little forward.

He knew in that moment if he allowed himself to give in to temptation, he will not be able to stop himself this time. So he had to hurt her. He clears his throat causing her to look down as her cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

He got out of the car and she followed suit. Their eyes met again as they stood infront of his door awkwardly. She would be mad at him if she didn't see how much he is struggling with pain through his eyes. He is hurting as much as she is.

She smiled sadly at him "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then".

She stepped closer to him, dangerously close that it made his heart beat so fast. Is his dream in the office is becoming reality?

She leaned forward slowly and pecked him softly on the cheek, causing his face to move slightly in her direction.

"Good night, Ethan..." She said softly before she started making her way down the street to her home. Though it didn't feel like she is going home, it felt like leaving it. 

[apogrcpha-blog]

loving leaving [ p. jimin ]

words // 3.3K

pairings // park jimin x male!reader

warnings // mild self-hatred

summary // Jimin was perfect in every way imaginable and you didn’t want to taint pure white

Jimin was a kind of china, special, a bit fragile sometimes yet it often made him strong, he was beautiful and only meant for special occasions and special things, extraordinary things. China could be easily ruined, porcelain was quite fragile, the simple act of gravity was able to completely destroy it, Jimin was a lot stronger than that though there was something that was pulling him downward, it was you.

Something about the purity of Jimin made you very aware of how easy it was to taint, he was a strong person and you knew that very well but anyone could be influenced, anyone could be manipulated and innocence could be stripped from anyone, all that was needed was a hard push, something stronger than usual. Something so dark it could cover the sun and remove all brightness, it seemed like you were that person. Jimin hadn’t changed the slightest since you two had started dating, but he had become a lot closer and far more touchy, still you couldn’t help like feel you were doing something to him, a slow poison corrupting him.

“Can you come to practice tomorrow?” The question was asked out of nowhere and you stopped stroking Jimin’s hair for a second as you pondered your answer. His hair was extremely soft, another beautiful thing about Jimin.

“I’m sorry Jiminie, I’ve got work.” It was a lie and the truth at once, you did genuinely have to work but it wasn’t all day, you could come to their practice a few hours late but you didn’t really want to. You knew the rest of his members and they were very welcoming, a little protective but it had faded as you and Jimin had been dating for over half a year now, things were going stable and there was no real reason for them to be suspicious, still you felt uncomfortable with them. It was the feeling like they knew what was happening, they knew what kind of poison rested in your fingertips and they knew that Jimin would change as white went to a slight grey to a pitch black.

“You always have to work when I practice.” Jimin said with a pout and you felt a tinge of guilt though it was quickly replaced with a kind of right feeling, it wasn’t solid, it was shaky and wavy but you felt a little better, you were doing this for him. He would be better off but you were just too weak to pull through with a breakup, everyone indulged in their selfish desire sometimes, it was human nature and human weakness.

You shook your head with a small smile. “It’s because it’s the middle of the day, it’s normal work hours really.” Because it was true, sure you started earlier so you finished earlier which meant you could see them but most of the time their practice and your work overlapped perfectly so you couldn’t be there, it wasn’t something you wanted yet at the same time did, everything about it was conflicting but you decided not to think about it too much.

“Can’t you come after work?” You pondered your answer for a second, technically yes. Did you want that? You didn’t know. It was this constant fight between what was the right thing to do for yourself and what the right thing was to do for Jimin, both of them polar opposites whilst you were walking on a tightrope, balancing the two out no matter how impossible it was. Yet now you were close to falling as the rope thinned even further and your balance took more than a few harsh blows.

“Maybe, I’ll see okay?” You said with a small smile.

“Please do Y/N.”

“Anything for you, Jiminie.”

-8-

In the end you decided to come, you couldn't help yourself as you said a nice goodbye to your co-workers and were headed to your own apartment. Really it was more or less your and Jimin’s apartment, considering he slept there around every night and whenever he had some free time he either spent it with you or at your apartment so it was more a shared place than really your own. At first you didn’t mind, the literal opposite, you welcomed and loved it but with time your vision had changed, at first you hadn’t realised your tainting of Jimin, something you didn’t know about yet but now you did and weren’t as happy about the sharing. Jimin was better off if he stayed with his members, they would always be able to take care better wouldn’t darken him.

“Y/N!” Jimin’s enthusiasm made you realise he really hadn’t expected you, it was both a good thing and a bad thing. The distance was a little better, you wanted to keep a bit of distance from now on, make him realise and recognise your own darkness and remove himself from it instead of getting involved deeper. Yet at the same time you felt bad for being a bad boyfriend, he shouldn’t be so surprised that you decided to come watch him practice because it was basic things you were supposed to be, being together. Because of this you had gotten him a small bouquet along with a plushie you had spotted on your way, something to make it up even though you knew you couldn’t really.

“Jiminie, I finished early so I could both come and I got you something.” You said with a smile. In response the smile that was already on his face only grew as he took both gifts and gave you a kiss.

“You didn’t have to.” He said after the kiss.

You merely shrugged. “Probably should’ve, I mean the last time was more than a month ago.” It was longer, seven weeks and three days if you remembered correctly, seven weeks until you gave into the temptation and human desire. It made you feel weak yet at the same time it was something so human to do.

“You’re busy though.” Jimin responded and you shook your head, he was busy too but somehow still was always able to make time, sometimes it wasn’t much or it was rushed and hurried but he always managed to make some time for you or left sweet notes, small gifts, anything to make you feel loved. You forgot about it sometimes, you always tried and ended up arguing about it with yourself because you should do it and wanted to do it but didn’t want to draw Jimin any closer than he already was, yet it seemed that didn’t matter much because he would do it himself.

“You’re busier, I mean you’ve got a comeback coming and you work a lot harder for everything than I do.” Your job was just an office thing, sitting behind a computer, doing mindless tasks for most of the time whilst you just waited for the day to end. Whenever you and Jimin met up he always came from practice or was heading to practice, sometimes with teachers and sometimes it was just him who wanted to get better at something and would pour endless hours into it so he could get to the level where he wanted to be, you admired him deeply for that.

“Stil, you’ve got a life too.” You laughed and shook your head.

“It’s fine. I’m here to watch you dance though so it’s about time you started.” He grinned.

-8-

Jimin made you happy, Jimin had made you happy in ways you thought were impossible and so many times it was hard to count, he was your sun in every way, even the negatives. It was blinding and sometimes harmful, though you were quite sure it wasn’t as harmful to you as it was to the sun. Jimin was so bright whereas you felt like some kind of darkness that took over the sun, like an eclipse, all light sucked out from such a bright fiery source, it was something that should never happen but you were human.

It was hard to deny yourself all of these things even if you knew it was bad for Jimin, even if you knew you didn't’ deserve all the love and pleasure he was delivering to you for free, it was still hard. Human temptation and desire were able to easily override whatever logic you tried to add to your irrational yet rational decisions.

It didn’t help that you felt like JImin was starting to notice too, he seemed a bit more distant but the frown on his face made you realise he was thinking it was him, like he was doing something wrong as if he could ever do something wrong like that, it made your heart ache even more and your mind felt even more frustrated because you were just too weak to break up, to remove what you didn’t deserve and to make sure he wouldn’t end up with a dark shroud around him either, it was better, for both of you.

The better decision was clear for you but there was some part of yourself that just didn’t allow you to pull through with it, even if you were able to convince yourself it was better for you and Jimin because Jimin deserved so much better and you didn’t deserve a shred of it, it was hard to really do it, to break up with someone you’ve grown so close to because being friends would be all too big of a temptation, it was all or nothing and the latter was extremely hard, it would be like diving headfirst into a black hole, you could expect misery but you could never be too sure.

Frustration only grew as you were unable to do anything and kept staring at your phone until you came up with a ludicrous decision, something so stupid you really shouldn’t do it but it made no sense, and that was why it was the logical thing to do. Convincing yourself fully would be impossible, bets wouldn’t happen and there was nothing else really but to leave it up to chance, it was fair, equal and there was no logic about it that could make you convince yourself otherwise, this was it.

It didn’t take too long to find a coin nor to flip it.

Tails.

-8-

Jimin had been trying to reach Y/N for at least ten times, it was probably more but he fell asleep in the middle of it and ever since waking up it had been ten times. There was a part of him that ached, his heart pounding worse than it had ever done before.

Y/N: I can’t do this

Y/N: I love you Jimin

Y/N: That’s why this is the right thing to do

Y/N: I love you and I’m saying goodbye

Y/N: I’m breaking up with you

Y/N: Take care x

That was yesterday near midnight and ever since Jimin had been trying to reach Y/N but nothing had worked, calls were never responded to, the billions of texts he had send were unread and ignored. Jimin went as far as emails, nothing. Absolutely nothing, he knew Y/N couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t have because he worked behind a screen and had to have opened his email just once and seen the billions that had flooded in from Jimin, was Y/N ignoring him?

It made him angry and frustrated at both himself and Y/N, there was this conflict of who was to blame. Jimin had always tried his best to manage dating him and everything surrounding his work, it had worked, it always did. They had lasted through a small tour when they hadn’t seen each other for two months, it could work and it had worked so Jimin couldn’t remotely grasp why Y/N said he was doing the right thing because it certainly wasn’t breaking up and never responding to him again. It made his heart break, it made him broken and angry at himself that he never thought about this but Y/N too because this was just stupid, plain stupid.

Jimin didn’t know if it was his fault, partially perhaps but never fully. He had always asked Y/N if him being away so much was okay with him and without a doubt he’d always accepted it because he loved seeing Jimin happy and doing what he loved. Jimin had always opened conversations for him to admit if there was something wrong, they were never forced, always open and kind but Y/N never complained, it was so unclear to him. Sure, recently he had been busier but that was all ready, the only thing he felt frustrated at was that he hadn’t noticed before, hadn’t noticed that there was something wrong and hadn’t been able to try and fix it. Jimin didn’t even fully see that as his fault, he tried to but couldn’t, because there was nothing to notice about Y/N, his behaviour was the same as always and nothing had changed. Jimin really tried to blame himself because it was easier than be left with unanswered phone calls and texts but there wasn’t much he could blame himself for when Y/N had always been so accepting of everything that was happening.

Despite this frustration he couldn’t find it in himself to blame Y/N because he had always been hopelessly in love with him, even if he never admitted it himself like that. Since meeting him something was just so appealing, attractive and charming that Jimin wasn’t able to accurately describe it with words so he didn’t and rather showed this through physical love, cuddling, kissing and sex. To Jimin it was the best way to show clear love, it was passionate and transparent compared to words, there was no interpretation especially with the words that accompanied his deeds of love. Jimin had fallen so deep the surface had disappeared, part of him was angry but it wouldn’t have gone any other way even if Jimin knew about what would eventually happen, he was smitten.

It was just disappointing in the end, it saddened him deeply and he was already missing Y/N desperately even though not even twenty-four hours had passed yet, it was strange to fall in love with one human so deeply but Jimin had always liked it, well, up until now.

-8-

Yoongi needed to do something, Jimin had changed after the break-up. He was a lot more timid, sader and often more silent. Whenever they had any kind of appearance it was easy for him to keep up an act that was identical to whom he used to be but Yoongi noticed it was quite draining for the younger to keep going as he napped a lot more than he had ever done really, it made Yoongi angry and sad at once. Sad because Jimin didn’t deserve that misery and angry because he had no idea why Y/N had just left, why he had left because they were so extremely happy together. Jimin cared too much to take any kind of very aggressive action like confrontation but Yoongi was a lot less timid about this issue.

It had genuinely taken him some time to track Y/N down who had seemingly disappeared from the face of the earth, in the end he found a workplace. Y/N had moved across the country to Gwangju for work apparently, that was probably the reason why they hadn’t seen him in the two months it had been since his and Jimin’s breakup, he moved to an entirely different city, it was quite easy to miss and Yoongi still considered it quite a miracle he had been able to find Y/N’s new workplace, even if it was a bit stalker like due to his methods, he needed answers for himself but mostly for Jimin.

Finding Y/N once he had a city turned out to be surprisingly easy as he somehow ended up finding a friend of him and talking to that friend who gave him an adres, Yoongi was happy that the two of them had similar opinions, their breakup had no reason and whilst Y/N friend just wanted an explanation as to why he would stop being with someone he loved, Yoongi needed answers and something better than some weak ass excuse.

And now came the moment everything had been leading up to, Yoongi felt quite confident as he knocked on the apartment door and waited. He heard muffled footsteps and he also knew Y/N lived alone, he would get his answers no matter what.

“Y/N.” Yoongi said, his voice was calm and a little drawn out. He looked surprised, very surprised and it was the response Yoongi was hoping to get.

“Your concept of loving includes leaving someone who needs you? Care to explain that.” Without a doubt he was getting a bit more angry, he wasn’t too emotional but it just made him angry, everything about it. Gritting his teeth as he waited for a response, for a moment he wondered what Jimin would’ve done were their roles in reverse or were Jimin here in general.

Y/N stared at Yoongi for a while as he waited, that was when Yoongi noticed tears were threatening to spill.

“Jimin was the best thing that ever happened to me, literally,” He started to choke up and Yoongi for once decided to remain silent instead of angerly spew, which had been his original idea. “Do you think I like this or something? Do you genuinely believe that?”

“Why did you do it then? If both of you are miserable there’s no reason for you to have broken up with him.” Yoongi said, he had a few ideas as to why but he wasn’t too sure and none of it made too much sense. He knew things weren’t as simple as Yoongi hoped they would be, a happy couple didn’t separate because they were happy.

“Because it’s better, it’s better for Jimin and please, just hear me out. I don’t care if you’re going to shout at me afterwards or really don’t care whatever you do but I just need you to listen now.” Yoongi frowned but nodded.

“I know we were happy, I know he was happy and I was happy but just, do you ever see yourself in a certain way but others don’t? You know like you think you’re annoying but others say you’re not and no matter how many times they say that you can’t process it because how can you not be annoying? With your voice, appearance and whatnot. It’s the same in our relationship, or well, it was the same. I never felt good enough, never felt like I deserved Jimin because he’s perfect, he’s special, he is an utter sweetheart and the best person I have known which is why he needs someone better, someone who is equally as good instead of me.”

Yoongi understood the feeling and whilst the burning fiery rage hadn’t disappeared completely, it had certainly faded from a raging flame to a small ember because it was a feeling he understood too well, something he didn’t like to think about too much, something from his past that he had let go but something that had haunted him for a longer time than he had considered as at the mere mention he felt shivers due to familiarity.

“My idea of loving someone is leaving them, yes. It’s not good, it’s not enjoyable but it’s the best I can do.”

authors’ note // so this was mostly written out of experience with how I have felt, mostly with friends, so it could not make complete sense. also my photoshop is still acting up so maybe sometimes soon i can make good ‘graphic’s to go along with the fics. Also, really this is just all going to be male!readers, mlm or wlw fics.