#i genuinely believe we were meant for each other tbh.

[zeephyre]

CRITICAL ROLE CAMPAIGN 3 EP 95 SPOILERS

jesus christ these nerds are going to kill me.

before i get into my think piece abt... everything that transpired at the end of this episode, i would like to say this is one of the best c3 episodes.... one of my favourite episodes of all time. idk idk.

essek? smut? astrid? poly bells hells allegations?? i was already fucking sold dawg. i cannot goddamn believe that this four hour episode was... mostly... a shopping episode. i cant wait for the new art, regardless of the batshitery that happened that kinda throws my vibes off. i digress.

oh ashton greymoore i love you so much. i have been so worried abt them but honestly they're probably the lat person im concerned for currently. the grief was so compelling to watch and taliesin is a master of roleplaying as minus charisma but genuinely charismatic in his dorky awkward gruff and fumbling way. his rizz is actually just blindsiding us with earnest acts of service and comfort for his friends and i think thats so neat. im happy that they're all going to aeor with fcg intertwined throughout their outfits. its poetic and also maddeningly sweet.

(love the little callowmoore moments sprinkled through this episode... they're so real to me)

pumat was fun and i am so damn glad they got all the items matt offered cause they were all so fucking cool.

also??? sugar daddy dorian storm??? yeah i see you gay boy. dorym is so real guys we need to prepare for a confession and soon. idk i get the vibe liam is gonna drop it in the most heartbreaking way. or robbie. they're both sick in the head tbh.

loved the little queer inn that essek dragged them to and the calm before the storm was genuinely the cutest shit ever and im glad they were having fun despite everything. we got the essek and ashton dunamancy scene that i have been begging for but i cant even talk abt that right now.

before i address orym and laudna...

delilah briarwood. im gonna fucking kill you. best believe that.

theres been so much discourse on twitter abt who was right or wrong or this or that, but ultimately the point is: neither of them is RIGHT. they're both stricken with trauma and grief, and motivated by the love they have for a) the ones orym has lost and b) the one laudna is fighting not to lose. laudna WAS worried abt orym before delilah twisted that into paranoia, and orym didnt wield that fuckass blade bc he DOESNT feel sick touching it.

he says its not abt revenge but... god. orym. you want revenge. call it whatever you like but you've been angry for a while.

laudna says she KNEW the sword was cursed, but she was lying or in denial abt the fact that delilah is the one who coerced her to hold the blade in her hand.

if either of them had decided to talk to each other or the group as a whole then this could have -- most likely -- been avoided. orym decided to take the blade and shoulder the burden of what it meant and what it represented so they didnt have. laudna felt betrayed and hurt but instead of trusting orym she was manipulated back into that cunt's clutches.

i dont prescribe to trauma olympics, especially when laudna and orym never actually denied each others' trauma with otohan and that blade so i think its slightly irrelevant when discussing them both.

(i will say this... otohans blade is what killed laudna but delilah is the one who had her in a cage when she was dead. otohan murdered oryms family and there was absolutely nothing that could save them. i firmly believe THAT is what chetney meant, not that laudna hasnt suffered so we can all just... unclench a little idk)

in all the discourse, lets not forget who the real villains are -- evil milfs (delilah and otohan). delilah chose this moment to sew distrust in laudna towards orym for a reason. its like the spider queen and opal. she NEEDS laudna isolated and dependent, and she cant sink her teeth in completely if laudna has someone to fall back on.

imodna... jesus imodna breaks me every time. that entire scene on the roof while laudna looks so much like her abuser -- the woman who MURDERED her -- and having that visage fade as laudna proclaims her love for imogen. peak romance and tragedy.

it was still so upsetting hearing the echoes of delilah as laudna spoke tho. knowing her hold on laudna is getting stronger and laudna has no real faith that she will be able to fight against her. hearing her ask imogen if shes still fun scary and knowing that imogen cant tell the truth. this isnt fun anymore. laudna is in danger and imogen doesnt know how to fix it.

"I'll always love you, Laudna. I just don't know what to do with it."

its uh its not looking good for our sapphics fellas.

anyway, i do think that ashton was the emotional mvp of this episode, especially while shit was escalating. putting themself between orym and laudna, PROTECTING laudna despite knowing she attacked him, TRUSTING that she was actually telling the truth and guiding her to see the forest for the trees and apologize for an irrational choice made through a mixture of trauma, delusion and paranoia.

im... excited? for the next episode? not sure why we keep having really horrible inter-party conflict the day before going on a suicide mission but the hells are my problem babies and i have to accept that they're just little fucked up guys.

god. is it thursday yet??

(AND WHERE THE HELL IS SAM)

[galaxysgal]

𝐢 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 || 𝐥𝐢𝐩 𝐠𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐫

pairing: lip gallagher x fem!reader

summary: just lip being a cute bf + debbie and ian being little shits

warnings: lowercase on purpose. poorly written tbh. swearing but y’all know how it is. heavily unedited. gen said yolo so i’m posting

A/N: i’ve been on hiatus for god knows how long but my roommate and i started watching shameless and i can’t get this mfer out of my head. things w school and life are hard rn so i just wrote this comfy cozy little thing in my notes app. yolo asf.

wordcount: probably like 500 or less idk i wrote it in my notes app at 1am

— — — — — — — — — — —

you’re nestled in lip’s arms, high up on his rickety top bunk. somewhere between finishing your nails and kissing until you could barely breathe, you had fallen asleep right against his chest.

you stirred now, your cozy world interrupted a squeaky little voice. “are you in love with her?” debbie questions.

lip shushes his sister, “be quiet, she’s sleeping.”

you were wide awake now, but much too comfortable to move and make that little fact known. plus, you wanted to hear his answer.

“i asked you a question dummy. are you in love with her?”

lip stutters, “i-i dunno. i really like her, okay?”

you’re satisfied with that answer. “in love” was a little too much too quick. but “really like” was something that made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“what d’ya like about her?” ian presses.

you can practically hear the gears turning in lip’s head as his siblings impatiently await a response.

“she’s- i dunno, she’s pretty?” lip replies. you hold back a scowl, annoyed at him for not having a better answer.

“yeah, great rack,” debbie comments.

“jesus, deb!” lip’s head falls back in frustration, one hand coming to cradle your head as not to wake you with the sudden motion.

“cut the shit lip,” ian interrupts. “tell us what you really think.”

you hold your breath as you wait for his response. his lips brush your hairline before he sighs. “she’s sweet, yeah? real kind.”

“a real woman of the people,” ian snorts, “princess diana type.” then “ow!” as you hear debbie shove him.

“and- and she’s real smart, too,” lip continues. “really, really fuckin’ smart. an’ she works hard. she just tires herself out sometimes.”

he strokes your hair gently, pressing a few more fleeting kisses to your forehead.

“you’re so whipped.”

you hear debbie shove her brother again, and this time ian fights back, the two making a ruckus as they push each other back and forth.

“come on guys, out. now.” lip orders his siblings around with that same stern voice you’ve heard plenty of times before.

debbie pouts. “but-“

“no buts. go on, she’s fuckin’ sleepin’ in here an’ you’re gonna wake her up. fuck off.”

“we were just-“

“fuck. off.”

“jesus,” you can practically hear ian roll his eyes. “alright, alright. we’re going.”

debbie yells for fiona as the two shuffle out of the room, not bothering to close the door behind them.

you smirk to yourself as lip groans above you, showing your cards. “you’re awake?”

you peer up at him through your lashes, a smirk planted on your lips that he’s just dying to kiss off. “can’t believe your little sister said i have a great rack,” you whisper.

lip laughs, loud and genuine. “yeah, she’s been stuffing fi’s old training bras. growin’ up an’ shit. i don’t like it.”

you’re quiet for a moment, admiring him. you know how important those kids are to him. he’d do just about anything for them, including the minor crimes you find him tangled up in on a weekly basis. he loves them like they’re his own kids, which honestly they kind of are. they may shove each other around, curse each other out, yell and scream at the top of their lungs, but at the end of the day lip has been more of a father to his siblings than frank ever was.

“you really meant all that?” you ask.

lip looks down at you, his blue eyes soft in the dim light. “yeah. yeah, i did. meant every word.”

you smile, leaning up to place a solid kiss on his lips. “for what it’s worth,” you murmur, “i really like you too.”

[sharkorok]

all eyes on you (enhypen)

or the moments that make everyone think you’re dating

cw/genre: idol!reader, reader doesnt have specified gender but implied to be a female, fluff, so cute bye, secret relationships, humor, u have delulu fans

requested: naurrr

a/n: ehe thx for 100 followers :) I hope my writing makes u happy because knowing people read my works makes me super duper happy! luv uuuu

•-•-•-•-•-•

heeseung

-at an awards show your outfits were matching, like very obviously matching

-matching bracelets, you had one on your left wrist and he had one on the right, the colors matched each other, same style and aesthetic…

-he gets v nervous but also you were in some dating rumors with another idol so…he wouldn’t be mad if he was next tbh….BUT THEN UR GROUP WAS ASSIGNED NEXT TO HIM??

-dawg was sweating the whole time trying not to admire you and how cute you two looked

-but no every one of those “enhypen mma reaction” or “heeseung reaction focus” showed him very clearly staring at you 😭, twt had a field day with you two

-he can’t help it, you looked so good and how can he keep his eyes off his lovely s/o when they’re all dressed up + matching?? seriously his management was insane for putting him so close to you

-and when all groups were leaving he was seen literally sprinting to be closer to you

-ya dispatch didn’t even need to confirm anything after that awards show

the others r below!

jay

-during a live he got his guitar out and started playing all your favorite songs

-and this was literally a day after you named your favorite songs

-then to make it worse he was like “yeah these are y/n’s favorite songs don’t they have good music taste?” and then he kept talking about you and staff was sweating while watching istg

-the way he talked about you tho,,he either had a massive crush on you or you two were dating

-the ship edits the next day were insane honestly some of your fans need to get into the editing business because you genuinely believed a photo of him holding your waist was taken at inkigayo

-he doesn’t even try to hide how much he likes you istg, he goes out of his way to talk to you at awards shows and always films challenges with you, he gives the shippers so much content

-then another time jay cooked your favorite food in a vlog and specifically said it was your favorite food, name dropping and everything

-literally no one is surprised that you two are confirmed dating after a while.

jake

-accidentally went on live while talking about you

-he fully believed he closed out of the app when he was talking to jay and saying stuff like, “I’m really excited to see her at the performance, I hope we have time to hang out…” and then he hears notifications and sees that he was streaming and he nearly faints

-plays it off like he fully intended for everyone to hear that and continues like he planned on going live

-he’s also trying to hide the way his eyes flickered up to your rapid texts being like, “JAKE WHY ARE WE TRENDING ON TWITTER??”

-jay is behind the camera just trying not to laugh becuz how do you even recover from this one, literally all the comments are talking about you and him

-“y/n…? yeah ahahah I know her uh huh mhm anyways moving on” and his horrible deflecting skills are making it even more obvious

-and when you go on live?? oh u bet the comments are “did you see jake’s recent live?? are u cheating on us y/n?”

-u desperately distract by spoiling your comeback but there’s already 14k Tik toks analyzing every interaction you had with Jake and why you two are cosmically intertwined

sunghoon

-describes you to a T when asked about his ideal type

-he meant to just mention the broad details but he gets excited talking about u ok :(

-“yeah a good heart and around (your exact height), with (the hex code of your eye color) eyes, born on (your birthday), hobbies include (every single one of your hobbies) and also…(literally all the information under your kprofiles page)”

-ur fans catch on and are like “isn’t this literally y/n” and he’s like “omg nooo coincidence”

-it is NOT a coincidence bro he was fully thinking of you and only you during that interview

-anyways you don’t help the situation by describing him too when asked about your ideal type, but ur at least a tad less obvious 😭

-“yea I love guys who ice skate and stuff”

-u two definitely get scolded by management

sunoo

-sometimes he forgets to care about keeping things secret (like that lipton tea thing he did)

-so he’s showing fans his camera roll and he shows selfies you never posted before…in his camera roll…never before seen by anyone but him and you to the camera and is like

-“y/n’s visual is so perfect, right?”

-and yeah duh ur stunning and gorgeous but fans are distracted by your beauty for a second before being like “hm…how did he get those selfies and why r they in his camera roll”

-ur fans r thankful for the content tho so he kinda did everyone a favor

-but it’s a LITTLE suspicious…but neither of you address anything so it just festers a little

-until you two do a tik tok challenge together and he captions it with a heart emoji like oh my god 😭

-you’re not innocent either when you said “sunoo’s visual is so amazing” like both of you get some media training I beg

-everyone loves how obviously whipped you two are for each other tho :,)

jungwon

-accidentally exposes your polaroid in his phone case

-thankfully he has photos of his members and maeum but why were you there??

-he completely ignores it tbh he shows the photos to the camera and is like “these r the polaroids in my phone case. anyways.” n he’s playing it cool but internally he’s PANICKING

-“hopefully they didn’t see the heart I drew on the Polaroid,” he thinks foolishly

-we did.

-so you try to do some damage control on your own live when asked about why he has ur photo in his phone and ur like “oh we’re really close friends!!”

-n honestly that’s a good and healthy response because everyone has the right to their platonic relationships

-but jungwon’s heart he drew on your Polaroid was just a little bit tooooo suspicious…anyways this leads to fans over-analyzing every single interaction to the point you two weren’t allowed to be seen in a ten foot proximity at events for a while

-but at least it reminded jungwon to be more careful lolol

niki

-accidentally rizzes you up on live television

-you’re an mc for smth and you’re interviewing enhypen and you’re like, “oooh, some burning questions, what is your ideal type?”

-and Niki, with no hesitation fully goes, “you lol” and you see ur career flash before your eyes

-ur co mc is nervously laughing and niki realizes like oh wait we’re being broadcasted so he’s like “oh just kidding haha!!!” even though you two are making awkward eye contact while you’re mentally scolding him

-he’s so used to teasing and flirting with you in private so it’s a little hard to shake off in public

-anyways fans notice he’s looking at you a little too lovingly and being a little too genuine when he responded so it’s not long before you see ship edits on Twitter and tik tok

-doesn’t help when you answer the ideal type question with “someone who is playful and funny” thinking it was broad enough but ‘twas not <3

-he doesn’t really care too much but thought it was funny, even if he had to take a media training class again afterwards >:T

[ithinkabouttzu]

I know it's a bit silly though. enha reaction to have moles same places (ik its sound silly bu i have moles same with enha)

♡ Enhypen Reaction: sharing a mole/birthmark with their s/o

genre! Romance; fluff

warnings! None

description! Enhypen members reaction to you having moles/ birthmarks in the same spot as theirs!

Heeseung

- When you bring it up that you guys have the same moles, he thinks it’s the cutest thing ever

- The most adorable thing about it to him was that you noticed something little like that about him :( like it’s so romantic and sweet

- There will be a moment where you guys are just checking all over each others body to see you if have any other matching moles or birthmarks really anything like that

- When he finally finds all the moles that resemble his, he gets a little marker and draws hearts all around them (except for your face) but it’s so cute 😭

- “Do you want to mark all of mine now?”

Jay

- “Wait, is that mole on your arm real?!“

- He honestly notices it way before you do, maybe even when he first met you.

- Jay is very meticulous when it comes to you, so he notices all those little things about you almost immediately

- When he does realize that you guys have the same place of moles, he kisses yours softly and reminds you he loves you so much :(

- Talks about the future with you and wonders if maybe your guys’ future kids will have a mole in the same place as you and him do.

Jake

- He strongly believes that it’s fate that you guys are together

- When he first saw your moles, he knew they looked familiar, until he realized that he had the same ones

- that’s when he really freaked out, asking to see your arm again where the moles were

- From now on just expect to be annoyed by him going on and on about how cool it is that you guys have the same moles.

- “We’re practically meant to be, it’s a match made in heaven”

Sunghoon

- “Wait, we do?” He immediately puts your arm up to his when you tell him that you guys have moles in the exact same spot.

- he starts laughing and he thinks it’s the funniest, random thing he’s ever seen

- “Well, I guess that makes sense why we’re together then” LOL

- He loves seeing you get so excited over something as silly as that, he can’t help but wrap you in a big hug and kiss you over and over again

- He probably wonders to himself if you guys have any other matching moles or birthmarks for the rest of the day

Sunoo

- Freaks out when you point it out to him

-“really?! That’s so so cool”

- Has to take a million photos of your mole and his side by side so that he can keep it in his memories to look at over and over again

- then he has to go tell everyone when he gets a chance to “Did you know me and y/n have a mole in the same exact spot?!”

- He’s very enthusiastic about it and he genuinely finds it so interesting

Jungwon

- He notices before you tbh

- “Hey, have you always had that mark on your shoulder?” When you say yes he puts your and his shoulder side by side

- “We’re matching, babe” He thinks it’s the coolest and cutest thing ever tbh

- Has to mark yours and his with a little star around it so that you both know it’s your guys special little mark

- and everytime you have a bad day or really just anytime he feels like showing affection he always kisses your shoulder where that mole is 😭😭

Niki

- He gets so giddy and cute when he sees that you guys have moles in the same exact spot

- He kisses that spot where your mole is a million times, reminding you over and over again how much he loves you 😭

- he’s also like jake, thinking that now it’s fate you guys are together

- He’ll just look at it over and over again, still so shocked that you guys have the exact same marks

-“So babe do you have any other moles on your body that are like mine?” He’s so cute about it oml

Thank you for your request! It was honestly so cute. If you enjoyed, make sure to like or reblog! 🤍

[kazutora-lover]

Not A Dream It's Love — Feel It

Itoshi Rin x gn!reader

Genre: fluff, angst, best friends to lovers

Summary: You lose who you love the most — or, how you turn your biggest nightmare into your biggest blessing

Warnings: nothing too dramatic I suppose? Slightly ooc!rin?

Notes: Ugh, I don't even know what this is tbh skskskw. This is the first time that I've written something on the angstier side. I genuinely feel self-conscious about this one but oh well, hope someone enjoys ~

"We need to break up."

You couldn't believe your ears. Did Rin, your boyfriend of many years, your fiancé really just tell you that he is breaking up with you? Yes, you had bickered here and there like a normal and healthy couple would, but nothing serious ever occurred and you always made up immediately after. The both of you were way too attached to each other.

You didn't understand. What happened to Rin to want to break up with you all of a sudden? Did Rin fall out of love with you? Did you say or do something so utterly stupid that Rin couldn't take it anymore? But that couldn't be, you would know if you did such thing. For sure.

"Huh? Rin wait, what are yo—"

You wanted to grab him, take your lover's hand into your own and talk it out but Rin didn't budge. His facial expression was unreadable and even if you tried hard enough to look past his facade, you couldn't see anything but determination. He really meant those horrible words you never wanted to hear. Especially not from him. The love of your life.

"I'm breaking up with you, y/n."

You really didn't know how to react. Your lips started to wobble involuntarily and your body began to shake like the loose leafs that hung on for dear life on a windy autumn day.

The way your full name left the lips of your lover in question, hurt you more than you could've ever imagined. Not even a knife to your heart could've caused you such tremendous pain. You're sure it couldn't. All that would be left, was a wound so deep it could never heal and yet it still would've healed better than your soul that came crushing down on you.

Your voice sounded hoarse. It's like you've been crying for hours already and yet it's only been mere minutes. Minutes of trying to figure out what had caused this.

"Why? Please tell me what it is? Did I make you uncomfortable? Did I not give you enough space? Or did someone else do something to make you say this?"

You couldn't help the thoughts rushing through your head. You felt like you were in a rush, one second being left unspoken and Rin would slip away and out of your hands like everything was a mere fever dream.

"Y/n, please don't make it harder than it already is. I don't love you anymore and to be honest, I've stopped loving you months ago."

The dark haired man let out a groan, really not being in the mood for any discussions. He just wanted to get it over with. No disruptions whatsoever.

"While I was with you, I realized that we were never meant to be and to be honest, we probably never have been to begin with. You were just never the person I ought to have. And you can't give me what I need. Needless to say that you've been damn clingy too. Thanks to that because it made me realize things before we were able to get married."

By now your face was drenched by your salty tears. You didn't even realize when exactly they started to fall but your emotions equaled an ocean right now — and oceans are big. Your broken heart in exchange? It got shattered into millions of small pieces.

You were sure no one would ever be able to pick up the pieces ever again. And if someone ever managed to pick up a few, there would be a lot of them missing, still. No one could love you like Itoshi Rin. You couldn't love anyone like you love Itoshi Rin.

"You'll get over it, Y/n. Don't worry about the apartment. I'll get my clothes and the other stuff by next week and then you're free to do whatever you want with the rest. Don't worry about sleeping on the sofa either. I'm sleeping at someone else's place."

It felt unbelievable how Rin didn't show the slightest tinge of emotion. He said those things with a tone so normal, you would think he was about to congratulate you on whatever happy ending you just achieved.

Rin began to disappear out of your vision but you couldn't move your body. You felt trapped, paralyzed and helpless. Screams of Rin's name left your lips but it was to no avail. The man you loved slipped right through your fingertips.

You must've been gone for a little bit because when you opened your eyes, you were greeted by a rather worried pair of eyes that stared right back at you.

There they were again, those teal eyes you loved so much but wait — what was Rin doing, sitting next to you?

With a voice as raspy as it was before, you called out for the very man by your side. "Rin?"

Rin sighed in relief at the sound of your voice and placed one of his slightly cold hands on your forehead. "Y/n for fucks sake, you need to stop doing that. Stop pushing yourself when you're sick. You've got me worried shitless."

You on the other hand couldn't quite grip what was happening. Rin was calling you by your nickname. The name only he used for you. Then you took a look around and slowly came to notice that you were in your room, resting on your bed with Rin right by your side.

Before you could stop yourself you blurted out, "Say my name again. Please?"

Your best friend took a good look at you at first but obliged nonetheless, though a little hesitantly, ".... Y/n?"

That's it. You were having a fever dream. None of that shit you dreamt about was real. You know it because you and Rin aren't even a thing. You aren't engaged nor are you dating. You're just .... friends. You're STILL friends.

Before you even understood what was happening to you, hot tears began to roll down your cheeks and not even a few seconds later, two soft hands engulfed your warm cheeks to wipe the salty droplets away.

That was all it took — all it took for you to shoot up and draw Rin in for a hug. A hug you desperately needed. Because even though you were aware of the fact that none of the events you just went through were real, you needed to feel Rin's warmth, his body, his heartbeat and the fact that he wouldn't slip away again.

The latter was at a loss for words as he stumbled forwards messily and right into his best friend's arms, yours. He immediately felt that something was wrong. Something felt different and it was a first for Rin to feel disheartened.

While the dark haired man opted to tighten his arms around you, he couldn't help himself to ask, in the softest voice he could muster, "Y/n? You wanna talk about it?"

It took Rin a few seconds, seconds way too long for his liking until he received a response. It was quiet and muffled and accompanied by occasional sniffles but he understood it nonetheless. "No need, it was just a stupid nightmare."

A low sigh escaped Rin's lips as he spoke, his voice dangerously close to your ear. "You know you can tell me everything, right?"

A shiver ran down your spine at the way Rin talked to you, cared for you. After realizing that you've been spacing out again, Rin squeezed your torso in assurance.

"I know. Thank's Rin."

But deep in your mind, you had a different answer.

"No. Not about this one."

A few days have gone by and you were good to go again. All thanks to your friends who stopped by multiple times a day to make sure you took care of yourself. Or more like, for them to take care of you because they knew how whiny you could get at times of their absence.

In the moments you were alone, you had enough time to think about what happened in that hellish nightmare of yours. You were almost convinced that your dream wanted to tell you something.

Would it be better to keep your feelings to yourself? All bottled up? Should you just move on and forget about Rin? You still have him as your best friend, right? Maybe that's as close as you'll get but at least you won't lose him, ever.

You felt the uneasiness creep up again because you actually planned to confess your feelings soon. Now? You weren't so sure anymore....

This time you were at home at Rin's place. You guys originally planned a movie night with some of your shared friends, or more like only your friends, as Rin only endured their presence because of you. Turns out the other's had different plans all of a sudden. So you went to Rin's alone. At least you could watch whatever you wanted, as the two of you weren't as picky as the others were.

While Rin sat on his sofa and got comfortable already, you sat on the floor in front of the tv, ready to choose whatever movie you would watch. "Rin, wanna watch a horror movie?"

You wriggled with your eyebrows and Rin couldn't help but laugh at you. "Yeah? Let's watch one Y/n, bet you'll end up crying like a baby."

You loved to hear Rin laugh, it's so beautiful and melodic. Melodic it was indeed because it stopped before you got to enjoy more of it, "And come sit on the sofa, are you trying to go blind down there so close to the tv?"

Turning your head to look at him, you threw him a little smirk, "You're one to talk, aren't you?"

A scoff and an eye roll later and he told you to finally sit down with him or else he wouldn't allow you to ever sit down on his sofa again.

When you asked him why, he had told you that the floor was dirty. Jokes on him though because.. did that mean that his place was dirty to begin with?

He didn't take it well when you told him that.

More than an hour later and you guys were fully engulfed in the movie. Well, you were. Somehow.

Rin didn't understand what exactly it was that captured your interest, as he thought the movie was way too boring and predictable. His interest though, laid upon you and you alone.

He watched as your eyes flickered from one corner of the tv to another, analyzing the actors movements with caution and reminding yourself under your breath that whatever you were seeing wasn't real.

Rin found it amusing how you always claimed to like horror movies but still got scared of them by the end anyways. And suddenly he felt like being mischievous as his arm found its way around your form to give you a surprising squeeze.

A big jump and one loud shriek of yours later and you found Rin next to you, chuckling. And even though you would've enjoyed the sight of him enjoying himself, you almost emptied your bladder right then and there.

A soft but exaggeratedly shaken sigh left your lips as you spoke, almost breathlessly, "Rin for fucks sake, you scared me."

The man in question shot you a deadpan look and raised a brow, "Yeah? Wasn't me though, your imagination must be playing tricks on you. How scary."

Another sigh left your parted lips and almost involuntary, your secret got spilled, in a voice as quiet as a whisper.

"Not as scary as my feelings for you."

And Rin heard. If the background noise of the tv was loud seconds ago, it was as quiet as a pin dropping to the floor when you spoke. And his eyes followed every single movement of your lips as to make sure that he's not the one imagining things now.

For him, the movie and everything else around him has been long forgotten. It's you he's interested in and he's going to make sure that this time, he will make his next step your new reality.

You don't have to be scared of your feelings if they're reciprocated, right?

At least that's what Rin believed, as his heart had found its place in your palms long ago.

[oodlyenough]

apollo justice: ace attorney thoughts

over the weekend I finished playing AA4 so I wanted to try to put my thoughts in order. much to think about etc

spoilers for the whole game obv, but i haven't played AA5 or AA6 yet so any mention of those are speculation lol

I had heard some pretty mixed reactions to AA4 and I had a lot of reservations going in. It's also probably the AA game I've played that I've been the most spoiled for, which is a shame but probably an unavoidable consequence of waiting for the port while engaging with the fandom. I don't usually like being spoiled but I think knowing the broad strokes of what to expect actually helped here. I can imagine an AU where I blitzed through the first trilogy and onto 4 with no idea of what was coming and being... very upset and disappointed by the direction it took. Having several months to brace for things like Phoenix's disbarment, the 7 year gap, Trucy, etc definitely softened those blows and made me more amenable to them than I would've been otherwise.

Cases

For the most part I thought the puzzle solving was good and the pacing was solid. The puzzles were mostly challenging enough to be satisfying to solve but not so challenging as to be infuriating, and I don't think I needed a walkthrough at all. 4-1 is one of the best tutorial cases in the franchise so far (though I'd give the edge to 3-1) and 4-4 was a really cool finale. The middle two cases tbh I also found fairly charming, and there's usually a least one case in the middle that seems to drag forever, so that was a pleasant surprise. I played Investigations 1 right before this, and I thought both the puzzles and pacing in that game were frankly horrible, so AA4 won a lot of points just with that.

I did think Turnabout Corner and Serenade would be more relevant in the grand scheme of things. The half-spoilers I knew had me expecting a much bigger web of conspriacy than we ended up with -- I expected it to be more than coincidence that Phoenix got hit by a car, more than coincidence that the Borginian egg coccoons are related to poison etc ... like... I fully assumed this was going to tie into the atroquinine plot. But I guess not ... ? Lol

Characters

The new main cast are all very likable, despite my initial reluctance to have a new main cast to begin with. Klavier was an interesting change of pace as prosecutor, in that he wasn't particularly antagonistic outside of the court, nor was he particularly preoccupied with winning, but he was still fun and challenging enough to face off against. Trucy was fun and delightfully bonkers as all assistants should be. Apollo's longsuffering exasperation was hilarious. Ema is the BEST I loved having her as the detective I wish she was there all the time.

I loved Beanix, for the most part. I can see why he rubs some people the wrong way, and tbh I'm glad his last canon outing isn't ... this. But I didn't find him wildly out of character, or at least, when he was feeling "out of character" vs the trilogy it made sense given the intervening events. I also thought it was fun to see him from the outside and see what a galaxybrain 5d chess master he is. I do wish we'd gotten to see more genuine moments of him with Trucy.

Kristoph was fun as a villain, though I have to say fandom led me to believe he was much more of a mastermind puppeteer than he seemed to be in reality. I was expecting a whole decade worth of conspiracies! Instead he fucked up once and struggled to fix it for seven years, lol. I also found the Kristoph/Phoenix relationship a) very fascinating, b) not really what I'd been led to believe by fandom (shocker). I like the canon more though -- I like that instead of being a retread of the Dollie betrayal-from-someone-you-love it was two guys who hate each other being forced to play nice as part of their own schemes.

Criticism

I think it's fairly obvious AA4 was meant to be a soft reboot of the series, to pivot away from the trilogy cast and set up our new heroes in Apollo, Trucy, and I guess Klavier. I think this is probably the entire explanation behind Maya and Edgeworth (and others but lbr those are the big two)'s conspicuous absence... but that doesn't make their absence any less conspicuous. I can squint and forgive neither of them being there when Phoenix is accused of murder, even though I find that insane. I can squint around Maya maybe being off in Kurain during the Enigmar trial, even though I think they could've used a line of dialogue to explain it. But then we started playing past-Phoenix for huge portions of investigation and that started to fall apart for me. Sure, maybe he's pushing his friends away because he's depressed, or maybe he wants to keep Maya out of things because he thinks it's dangerous, or whatever -- you could at least throw in a line or two saying as much. Not mentioning them at all and setting AA4 so closely after AA3, where Phoenix fell through a bridge to save Maya and Edgeworth chartered a private jet, just feels ridiculous.

I also think, at the end of the day, the story here was focused on and pivoting around Phoenix. The core question of the game is "what the hell happened to/is up with Phoenix Wright?" I love Phoenix, so that alone isn't a negative -- except that I think it meant Apollo, Klavier and even Trucy felt underwritten. Trucy and Klavier have such personal stakes in the unfolding events with the Gramaryes and Kristoph, but we only spend a little time and hints on how that might influence Trucy, who mostly falls into the AA weird girl pattern of brushing off major trauma instantly. (Maya got this a lot too in the original trilogy.)

Klavier ... I like Klavier, but they did not do much with him. How did he feel about Kristoph going to jail? He doesn't seem to hold it against Apollo, which is uh, noble, but perhaps not believable. He says he values honesty and truth but do we know why?

Apollo, likable as he was, felt like a passenger in his "own" game, rather than a major character. He doesn't even solve much of the stuff happening in the big overarching mystery -- he is Phoenix's avatar in court, presenting evidence and clues Phoenix left for him. Unlike Trucy and Klavier, who I am pretty sure take a back seat from now on, I guess Apollo still has two more games to try and flesh himself out ... lol but I also know fan reception of those two is not great, so my expectations there are minimal.

Overall

A really solid game that I enjoyed playing, though I can see why it's controversial and not some people's favourite, if they really loved the trilogy. I think it's debatable whether this was the best/only way to continue the series after AA3. And I am excited to read and write a billion 7 year gap fics now.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

i ssee you've readded stray... JBHABSHBJ I genuinely miss this game tbh i need to rewatch it

But! Mind if i request headcanons about a post game stray where the reader was a human in a cryo chamber for all these years and gets found by momo, through following the cat? Maybe they were put in cryo with some others and they happened to have lifeless bots like the up above ones that were managing things and keeping them in cryo until stuff was proven to be fine or smthn

I know its prob not accurrate to the ingame lore but i just find the idea neat </3 BJSHJBSHJB but aye, hope you have a good day!! Stay sfae hydrate

-salt anon

It took a while for Momo to find the cat who freed the Companions from their dark and desolate world.

As he ventured above the surface with the other Outsiders, he saw all sorts of stray cats of different breeds and colors..

But none looked anything like the ginger feline with the vest.

He had worried something terrible happened to it...

Until he spotted it running into a facility with a cryo chamber inside.

He learns it was built for the humans who chose to remain outside the walled city--meant to put them in stasis for hundreds of years.

Apparently robots did exist here, too..although Momo quickly noticed they were all orange and were lacking in both life and personality.

They were the Helpers: simple machines following simple directives until they shutdown, giving him generic statements about the facility.

He's disappointed they never got the chance to "evolve", although he noticed they were guarding several pods lit up with green lights, indicating they were occupied.

The Helpers mentioned them being hibernation chambers that wouldn't be open for another 10 years...

But of course, Momo couldn't wait that long to see a Soft One who's potentially still alive.

Haven't they all waited long enough?

He gets to work reviving one occupant (with help from Doc and a certain cat who distracts the Helpers).

Before long, you're wide awake, coming face-to-face with a Companion who has a unique rainbow screen and a flamingo shirt...and this random kitty rubbing against your legs.

You and Momo just sorta....stare at each other for a while.

And the first thing you ask him is:

"Did you learn to adopt pets like we do?"

After the initial shock and hesitancy to speak to someone Companions considered idols/ancestors/gods..he leads you back to his group and explains how the cat you were currently cradling like a baby did the impossible and opened the city with the help of a drone.

You don't believe it, at first...until security footage Doc and Clementine recovered from the Control Room proved otherwise.

You see that B-12 made a huge sacrifice, which saddened them all, but his consciousness was still very much active in the city network. So he was okay.

In the end, until your fellow humans awakened, you, Momo, and the cat decide to stay together somewhere.

And yes, you both officially adopted the feline as your own--along with any other strays who came along.

[good-to-drive]

thoughts on the Harrison-Boyd-Clapton live triangle???

Oh god I have SO many thoughts lol. I was actually just talking to my best friend about this, but to put it simply I see the whole situation as an example of two people who truly love each other not belonging together because the particular ways in which they're broken go together too well.

But, to put it less simply:

I tend to think about it from Pattie's perspective, and I've always thought of her as having pretty severe eldest daughter syndrome, i.e. she was taught to value her worth by what she could provide to others. Her parents weren't super involved and she took on a lot more responsibility than most kids her age, especially when it came to her younger siblings. This quote in particular stood out to me when I was obsessing over Pattie a few months ago:

(Not sure where that's originally from btw, I've had the screenshot forever but based on formatting I think it might be brainy quote).

It's often a red flag when people say they felt older than their years, and doubly so when they were in some way parentified. We often reenact the role we played in our childhood family system in our adult relationships, and in Pattie I think this lead her to be extremely giving and self sacrificing. To the point where I'm not sure she was even aware that she HAD emotional needs, much less knew how to assert them.

To that end, although I obviously like George quite a bit, there's no denying that -- especially as a young man -- he was an incredibly needy person. (I actually think all the beatles were sort of black holes of emotional need tbh, at least in their youth. Partly because of childhood trauma but also because they were living a life that's larger and more extreme than any human being was meant to live.)

Pattie's tendency to sacrifice excessively dovetailed perfectly with George's tendency to need excessively, and as a result he totally eclipsed her entire self, until she felt utterly lost. That's neither of their fault, btw. Neither of them was emotionally mature or self aware enough to realize what was happening.

(Not to mention George was cheating like a dog and Pattie was taking it on the chin even though she knew deep down she deserved better. But former parentified children often put up with a lot of shit as adults because they believe it's their responsibility to do so.)

Then Eric comes along and literally tells her it's her fault he's addicted to heroin and if she doesn't leave George he'll die and it'll be all her fault. Aside from the fact that this is literally emotional abuse, it's also an even darker and more powerful black hole of neediness than George. And as someone whose sense of self has been eclipsed and who only knows she matters when she's of service to others, it was basically impossible not to fall into that black hole.

For his part, I think Eric was far more concerned with taking something from George than being with Pattie. I don't know enough about him to know why he'd feel the need to do that and I also really dislike him so I doubt I'll ever find out. Pattie said he got bored of her pretty much as soon as he "had" her, and tbh that doesn't surprise me.

It was honestly such a tragic thing for Pattie to be driven/dragged away from George -- personally I believe they always loved each other (she referred to him as her soulmate in her autobiography, and George made sure she knew as long as he was alive she'd have a financial parachute) -- but I also genuinely think they had to lose each other in order to find themselves.

Pattie couldn't stay in a relationship where she was fulfilling the same self sacrificing role she played as a child, and although it was a long and painful road she seems to have really found herself and found peace. She's never explicitly said this, but often people without a strong sense of self need to be on their own in order to learn how to value themselves, and she did spend a long time unmarried after Eric.

And, although George was gutted by the breakup, he was no more capable of expressing love in a healthy way than Pattie was. If they had stayed together I doubt he'd have grown into the wise and self possessed person that he ultimately became, because he simply wouldn't have had to. (Plus he never would have found Liv and I love her just as much as I love Pattie.)

In the end their relationship is fascinating and tragic to me because the things that drew them to one another so deeply were also what ultimately doomed them, and yet in the shadow of that loss they became the people they were meant to be and found their happy endings.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry for the novel 😁

[horsetailcurlers2]

YET ANOTHER long and obnoxious stream of my thoughts while watching greys anatomy for the first time (season 12 because i’m back, babey)

-bailey i love you but you are in way over ur head

-the music this season is insane tbh. soft piano covers of megan trainor and iggy azalea?? is this a choral cover of “shake it off”????

-i love maggie actually

-wait, maggie, bestie. i thought we ALL mutually decided as a group that none of us were gonna kiss interns anymore. stop it

-i love that ellen pompeo is just using her natural voice/accent now. i feel like she definitely put on a “meredith voice” in the early seasons

-okay, i’ve seen clips of this whole edwards-wilson-amelia conflict on tiktok. with context, jo and amelia don’t come off as AS bad but it’s still wild that jo just assumes edwards is lying AND that amelia believes it too. like, i get that edwards has been known to lie and finagle things to work the system, but still a crazy leap to make. not the first time jo has just ran with an assumption. tbh i think amelia is the most in the wrong in this scenario.

-i really like the way this dinner party episode is filmed!

-also: the only social scenario i can imagine more nightmarish than a new partner straight up abandoning you at a dinner party full of strangers is if the dinner party happens to be hosted by the woman you helped make a widow

-“skanks, PERHAPS?” i love maggie

-i love meredith so much but sometimes it feels like she doesn’t get that amelia is grieving too. i get it. and i know that amelia can be brash and childish and also that mer is used to dealing with her pain in a very solitary way, but i think it would’ve been better if they’d grieved together.

-i guess the writers decided the beating meredith takes every season was gonna stop being figurative

-i like meredith and amelia’s relationship a lot more than i thought i would. they are very very different people and i like seeing them sort of not knowing how to navigate each other or their relationship with each other.

-obsessed with arizona and richard’s friendship

-i think my brain just skips over anything about april and jackson

-i am so deeply confused about this single leg surgery thing. is this guy just supposed to hop around like the pixar lamp?

-lowkey i hate jackson

-i am genuinely confused about why catherine thinks it’s necessary to sue april???

-ben is going a little cuckoo bananas.

-why is he shocked and flabbergasted that he’s suspended????? what the fuck did he think was gonna happen???

-what is callie on about??? has everyone lost their damn minds???!!

-one thing about meredith grey is that she loves a pair of belted loose pants and some sensible loafers

-i don’t feel as bad for callie as i probably should. like… this is kind of your fault.

-edwards needs to CHILL

-owen and amelia are both way too impulsive to be with each other. they both need to be with people less impulsive to balance them out

-i know it’s just a real life logistics issue but i genuinely cannot fathom a universe in which addison doesn’t come to amelia’s wedding

-i do think she’s being unreasonable but part of me loves grouchy mean meredith

-“nothings wrong with owen” “well, he could use some sun” meredith PLEASE

-i always thought that april had DIY mom energy but this IS NOT what i meant

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Any real relationship seems completely impossible in the situation those 7 are in. I do find it hard to believe those needs are not being meant somehow, at least hopefully. I do think the idea of two people finding love in that situation is adorable.

I have two ships ... Jikook and Yoonmin.

I see relationship changes and its almost like no one else sees it. It seems like Yoonmin was particularly close in the early years, then Jikook became super close up until about Yet To Come and Yoonmin seemed distant during the same period and now Jikook seems more distant but Yoonmin seem close again.

Am I crazy? Please tell me you see this as well...

***

Hi Anon,

Jikook have always been close. In their early years Jimin was very close with Jungkook and Yoongi, but in very different ways and even back then, he was still closer to Jungkook.

For Jikook, practicing late together, sleeping in the practice room together, speaking in their local dialect together, Jimin providing key emotional support to Jungkook at that time, even being one of the key reasons Jungkook decided to debut in BTS and not abandon the group to become a dancer… jikook were very close.

During that time Jimin was also close to Yoongi, being the first member to visit Yoongi’s home, Jimin being one of the only members Yoongi could initiate skinship with comfortably, something important to developing the sort of trust necessary for the group, Yoongi providing crucial emotional support to Jimin during their debut years… the sort of bond yoonmin developed during those early years cannot be overstated. For Jimin to mention it in his Festa notes almost a decade later, in filmed content years later, it will always be a defining factor of their relationship.

Over the years, Yoongi focused on other things while Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship appeared to only deepen. All that’s happened now is that all three of them are spending less time with each other on camera, and possibly in general. Yoonmin might seem closer to you recently because of the uptick in interactions we’ve seen between them in Run BTS episodes and shows like SOOP in the last three years, the Feel the Rhythm of Korea ad campaigns in 2022, the similarity their music production choices recently, and their joint promotion schedules earlier this year.

Also, I don’t think jikook look distant. Like, at all. I mean, we all saw that man shaking ass on a boat with Jungkook. Was that even three weeks ago? Jikook are always jikooking. That’s kinda their thing. It’s one of the only reasons I’m here tbh, because I can rely on those two men to jikook sooner or later.

Jungkook really likes Jimin as a person. Think about that. As a human being, Jimin is someone Jungkook respects and genuinely likes. Likes him so much he carries Jimin bridal style when they’re drunk, refuses Jimin’s cries to be put back down because Jimin is laughing too hard while he’s pounding on Jungkook’s chest with those perfect hands, and then finally, Jimin bites him. Bites him in the neck, right in the jugular. Bites him hard enough to leave a bruise they both show off to their bandmates the next day. Do you understand what you just read? And this was during a time people were swearing up and down the internet that they were distant.

Listen, I have no doubts, ever, that jikook are jikooking.

And so Anon, while I appreciate your point of view as someone who loves yoonmin and jikook, I disagree on that summary timeline. I agree with you though that pursuing a relationship for them must have its own set of challenges, making it almost impossible sometimes. But I trust they’re okay. Thanks for the fun ask.

[compacflt]

hey! seeing your post about iceman and hamilton reminded me of the 1812 au that you had posted about previously - do you mind sharing any of your thoughts on that, specifically Ice & Mav's reactions to the politics of war back then, before the US military and Navy were such huge institutions (in today's standards)? EDTS Ice & Mav are decidedly anti-war (more Ice than Mav I think), but would that same sentiment be true for them back then & how would Ice feel about war hawks like Calhoun & Clay? there's obviously a pretty big role that war plays in forming national identity, especially in early US history, and with external forces like impressment & embargoes & all of the international relations nightmares that came w/ early state building, I'm really interested in how that may have an impact on how Ice and Mav view military service and duty. I would love to read this fic if you're still planning on writing it (really I love to read everything that you write tbh) - also hope you are doing well!! 😊😊

hiya!! i hope you are also doing well!! I am not sure if im ever going to post the 1812 au to be honest—i would really love to but i think it would be so long it would have to be my first priority for a few months, and I’m not sure when I’d have time to do that. but i have it all planned out at least, so maybe we can compare notes.

So here are my notes.

IF i were to complete my 1812 AU… It would not be about Ice at all. Which is how I’d be able to stomach writing about Ice’s death. AND the characters would be very very different from the characters i wrote about in EDTS (i.e. confessed their love for each other way back in the 1770s). And what I want to tackle in this AU is exactly what your ask is about—duty to your fledgling country! Im interested in a version of TGM maverick who had to be away from the love of his life, on his deathbed, to serve the national interests of his country. *questionable* national interests, in TGM’s case, or *forgettable* national interests in the War of 1812’s case. The War of 1812 is sort of America’s forgotten war—its causes were nebulous & hard to rally around/understand today, and there were no real heroes until the end, unless if you count Andrew Jackson as a hero (i really try not to). So this would be a direct attack on the heroism we are presented with in TGM: what is mavericks mission really accomplishing in the grand scheme of things? Using the 1812 war, itself forgotten and largely irrelevant, as a meta backdrop for that question of heroism.

So—this version of Ice & Mav are: actual factual war heroes. Revolutionary war heroes who were genuinely educated & truly believed in the American experiment of representation & freedom from tyranny. Fighting the British 36 years apart. (Something i really really like & will take advantage of… the 36 years between 1776 and 1812 exactly equaling the 36 years between 1986 and 2022… it was meant to be.) They’ve spent their whole lives together in the romantic sense, in a world where they couldn’t live openly together but at a time when sexuality was also understood completely differently. But they have to be apart when Ice is dying because Maverick has been handed a mission, a duty, by the USG that he has to take care of. (Part of the reason I’m stalling on this project is because I don’t really know what that mission would be… something something naval warfare, something something Captain of the “USS Dagger…” but im a better romance writer than an action writer… idk how to come up with those plots at all. And I’m not super well-versed in EARLY naval warfare [I prefer wwii navy stuff] so idk how ships like sailed clippers & schooners etc actually work. That’s a completely different wheelhouse for me & is integral to a story like this, and fundamentally im kind of a lazy person who doesn’t put a lot of effort into research if I don’t have to)

the AU would be written in two parts—the warm summer of youth vs cold winter of old age. Confronting my own fear as an author of getting old & dying, tbh. What does it mean to be a hero and die of old age? Shouldn’t you want to die WHILE being a hero? Part one: 1776-1782 is… ice & maverick falling in love and dealing with goose’s death together and cementing their hero status in American naval history (like they do in the original top gun). Then part 2; 1812/1813… ice is retired from being the first USN commodore/secretary, but he’s dying and maverick has to choose between being with his de facto husband in his last days VERSUS being out at sea, serving his country, but for a war that he (a bit metaphysically, to serve my metaphorical aims) knows will be forgotten. He can be a hero or he can be there for the love of his life but he can’t do both. Duty & sacrifice. Ice persuades him it’s time to let go, maverick goes out to sea, and then ice dies while he’s at sea. & the 1812 war was kind of forgotten, and their love will never be known by history because they were two men, so what was that sacrifice really for? Shouldn’t he have been home with ice?

Which leads me to: I am also slightly interested in an interpretation of the TGM mission as a possible su*cide attempt on mav’s part, post-ice’s death. Trying to die a hero. So, there’s that. That would be in it as well.

Some issues: that’s pretty simple & i submitted a 4k short story with this exact premise (1776 war hero has to choose between one last shot at heroism in 1812 vs staying with his male lover at the end of his life) to one of my writing workshops last semester and they loved it. But, by god, does it get 10x more complicated once you add Bradley to the mix. It’s ALWAYS made it more complicated & it’s why I’ve had so much pain trying to edit EDTS over the last 8 months (as you know). Because LETS PLEASE BE REAL TGM did NOT give me much to go on there. Like the emotional turn that is I think SUPPOSED to happen in the scene where ice and mav talk in TGM—I don’t understand it & I think that scene was only written for fanservice because it serves no purpose in the story and I’m not sure what emotion we’re supposed to take away from it. Maverick says “please send me ice, don’t ask me to send someone else to die,” (is he asking ice’s permission??) and ice DOESNT actually answer that request, doesn’t even acknowledge it; he says, in a COMPLETE AND UTTER NON SEQUITUR, “It’s time to let go.” Maverick says, “yeah I know,” so what does that actually mean? Who is he letting go??? Bradley??? Goose??? ice himself??? Is ice giving mav permission to go or not???? It’s so vague it means absolutely nothing, and i have no idea what ice’s emotional/story purpose in TGM is except to bail mav out of sticky situations and nostalgia purposes, and don’t even get me STARTED on how out-of-character it was for MAVERICK (guy who hates having his papers pulled from the Academy) to pull Bradley’s papers from the Academy in TGM, both of which are why ive struggled so much trying to fit Ice into the mav/Bradley narrative of betrayal & loss etc. And in a two-shot piece where all those years in between are kind of skipped over… idk. I feel like I would sort of have to sacrifice the Bradley storyline for the overarching icemav duty-sacrifice-heroism theme. With WWGATTAI, i was KIND of able to do both, but only after MULTIPLE rounds of very very intense editing & like 50k words of rewrites and even then it’s kind of awkward so… idk. For a quick two-shot like this I’d have to pick. I don’t have the energy to write another 50-100k reinterpreting that story all over again lol

So to answer your question it would be way less about the actual weird politics of the 1812 war and more about providing a place for me to get into mav’s emotions dealing with ice’s death and the historical implications of a mission like that, kind of glossed over in the movie … though this ice & mav are veterans of the XYZ affair / battles with the Tripoli pirates, so that probably affects how they see things… but mostly, duty is still duty & orders are still orders, but sometimes following orders means sacrificing what little time left you have with your family… following the TGM timeline where ice only has about 2 weeks left to live from Mach 9.

So, pros of the 1812 au: lots of the purple prose poetic writing i shamefully really like. Icemav open and honest with each other from the very start ❤️. Dealing with the themes and emotional consequences of ice’s death finally. Focusing only on mav instead of only on ice. Penny & sarah in a lesbian relationship. Some discussion of the cyclical nature of queer history (i.e. we’ve always been here making history and we always will be). Mav finding reasons to live after ice is gone.

Cons of the 1812 au and why I’m hesitant to really get invested in writing it: don’t know much about pre-diesel naval warfare so can’t come up with the technical action elements of the plot & too lazy to do that much research. I have a sailing license, so I know like… knots and rigging and mainsail vs jib/genoa/spinnaker and sloop vs schooner etc, but i do NOT know anything about THAT kind of sailing. Warship sailing, tactics, “dogfighting” equivalents, etc. Also: would probably have to sacrifice the whole “getting Bradley kicked out of the academy-equivalent” storyline, just to make the story less complicated. Not sure how much of the original ice and maverick the story would retain as a result. Also: i know wayyy more about the early national period (1776-1800) than anything after about 1808, but even then the last time i was really into this period of history was my freshman year of high school, so i can’t necessarily claim to know what im talking about when it comes to the intricacies of the early American state (as i think is pretty obvious here). Also too lazy to do that much research.

But, here are some notes/snippets etc if you would like. they’re solidly 6 months old now & unedited & largely unresearched, just throwing words on the wall in writing phase one, but whatever

[firstkanaphans]

I have some thoughts on your post of aye being out-of-character. Tbh, while it was airing, i thought the same. OS2 Aye didn't feel like eclipse Aye. Where's the understanding, where's the "putting akk before himself", where is the aye that gave akk enough space to come to terms with his sexuality and loved him and held him throughout that journey? I was quite dissapointed when the first ep aired because eclipse was such a dear show to me. But then, a while later, I remember reading someone's take on ourskyy2!Aye. They said that aye didn't really change. He has always been a gremline to akk since the eclipse. And he still is. And akk has always been pouty and sensitive, just hid it well. Akk and aye have always had communication issues and that was one of their biggest and most prominent differences. They still do have similar communications issues in ourskyy2. We see a difference in the eclipse and ourskyy2 because (my take) during the course of events in the eclipse, aye had some kind of understanding of akk's situation thus it was easier to be so understanding and give him the space he needed. Boyfriends is new territory for the both of them and obviously they're going take some time to adjust and understand eo through the change. But because they are akkayan, because they care about each other enough to put the other before themselves, because they love each other, they will find their way out of this; as they always have. They are still the same akk and aye. Just the grounds of their relationship has changed. That's all.

I've not been as articulate as I would like to be so a lost might've gotten missed. This is not to say your thoughts were wrong. I truly have not seen a single person who's understood these characters more. I love reading your work because it genuinely feels like something the character would actually do. I just hope to provide a different perspective and would love to hear your thoughts 😙

Oh, I totally agree that Aye has always been a gremlin and will always be a gremlin. That’s his personality. He’s annoying—god bless him for it. The issue is that we know for a fact this wasn’t just a communication break-down because Akk is very upfront about how Aye’s actions are making him feel. He explicitly admits his concerns to Aye—what you’re doing makes me feel like you don’t love me—and Aye chooses to ignore him, which is not something canon Aye would ever do. Aye has always been pushy and annoying, but he has never been cruel.

I do agree, though, that it will take them some time to figure out how to be boyfriends outside of the oppressive walls of Suppalo and that could certainly lead to arguments and misunderstandings. I just don’t think that was the case in Our Skyy. Aye knew what he was doing was hurting Akk and yet he did it anyway and I just can’t believe that canon Aye, who cried every single time Akk did, would continue such a ruse when it was causing his partner pain.

I think the reason this whole plot irks me so much is that it was such an easy fix. Instead of making Aye pretend that he forgot Akk’s birthday entirely, simply make him pretend that he had other plans and couldn’t spend the day with him. Then Akk would be sad and disappointed, but he wouldn’t be distraught.

I just…imagine the person you love most in the world and then imagine them forgetting your birthday. I personally don’t think the surprise makes up for the pain and I think that years later, what I would remember most would be the disappointment. But maybe Akk is different.

Regardless, I appreciate your input! Like I said in my last ask, people are meant to interpret media in different ways and I’m a firm believer that everyone is entitled to their own opinion as long as they aren’t being mean to others about it. Our Skyy 2 just didn’t hit right for me, but I still enjoyed seeing Akk and Aye together again. I’m certainly not complaining about what we got because there were some absolutely fantastic moments that I think about still. I just personally prefer to look at it as The Eclipse fanfiction rather than something that is a part of canon.

[maya-matlin]

hi ashton!!! <333 I'm asking you this on anon because I don't wanna get hate I do ship all three ships lol I watched a barchie video and on it a barchie was like "I love how planned they were" and etc and maybe I'm blind asf but planned??? other than a few looks, throwaway comments and etc to cause drama for bughead and varchie it wasn't planned at all imo?? they barely interacted in s2b, S3 and s4a (I'm only talking about those seasons because this video was after 417 lol) and yeah they kissed in 415 but it was to catch donna and the preppies and to protect jughead, they fake dated for like one episode and the barchies are like "they love each other they've wanted each other all along" like what??? and dgms on comments about how they were with jughead and veronica so they wouldn't ruin their friendship and as a rebound, you don't date people for 4+ years to protect your friendship or as a rebound I'm sorry lol 417&418 were done very badly imo, if they wanted us to think they had these feelings for a long time they did a terrible job of showing it!! imo betty thought she had those feelings for him because she loved the idea of him and the 1x01 fantasy quote is very true imo lol I'm sorry but if they were planned from the start they did a terrible job at writing it and showing it!! what cheryl says is so true in 418 bughead (and varchie) were so beautifully developed and they showed how endgame they were which is more than I can say for barchie and I do ship them I'm just saying lol also them saying how it makes no sense for archie to have feelings for veronica in s5 after he was gonna leave her for betty even though he's loved veronica since s1 and always goes back to her and it's him having feelings for betty after everything that makes no sense tbh (talking about S4 ofc lol) it was written very poorly which is the rvd way but lol people saying betty didn't truly love jughead and archie didn't truly love veronica are literally stupid because they were both so endgame coded!!! anyway my question is what are your thoughts on this? that they were planned and how they were written and anything else you wanna add lol I know you hate riverdale and barchie so sorry if I'm bringing up old wounds <3

I'm genuinely sorry you feel as though you can't be honest all because some people on this site don't know how to act. That's ridiculous and completely inexcusable.

Sigh. First of all, it's Riverdale. That show seemed much more committed to the week to week ridiculous, over the top moments meant to garner attention and the instant gratification (for better or worse, in the case of a ship like Bughead who hooked up extremely early on but managed to be a mostly lovable cornerstone of the series for most of its run) than they ever were interested in doing anything long term. So the idea that Betty and Archie's eventual relationship was anything resembling a "slow burn" or well thought out with years-long development is just.. no. Fans are allowed to enjoy what they did get and relish in the smaller moments, intentionally or otherwise, that came before what they believe to be an epic hookup. But in my opinion, it wasn't that deep. The Betty/Archie arc was one of the sorriest excuses for a so-called "inevitable" relationship that I've ever seen. Again, we all interpret things like ships and story lines in different ways. But again, I have to disagree completely. It's as though you're only ever allowed to have loved or cared for one person to the extent that relationships that lasted for the majority of the series are written off as rebounds. For fans who are so committed to recognizing and celebrating tropes, it's interesting to see how often stuff like this gets misinterpreted and how there's a severe misunderstanding for how teen dramas in general work? To be fair, there are other shows where I feel the writing was so terrible that I simply have to call bullshit on it and can't look past my own, personal viewpoint. That being said, ideally if you want to make a compelling, rational argument you need to come away with actual evidence and not just resort to "she liked this guy first, therefore she only ever liked him and we're prepared to write off 77 episodes of content that suggests otherwise."

There were plenty of chances for Riverdale to have properly teased the idea of mutual feelings between Betty and Archie brimming under the surface. Every single opportunity the show had prior to the cheating, they seemed to shut the idea down and instead stuck with the Bughead and Varchie pairings. The biggest one being, of course, the kiss in season 2. A better show (if they truly wanted to explore Betty/Archie) would have either paired them up while both were single or quickly put them back with their original partners, which they did, but demonstrated that in spite of this they couldn't forget the kiss and found themselves drawn to each other. Obviously, this didn't happen. Nothing notable happened again until season 4 where, of all things, they fake dated, and yet none of the intimate moments between the two characters were ever SHOWN to the audience. Just one awkward scene where they texted followed by a contrived musical number featuring flashbacks to their three episodes. Fan fic writers make a gourmet meal with themes like this on a regular basis. How did they fuck it up so badly??

Speaking of that, THIS is what Riverdale should have done in this context and failed to do:

I hate Lucas and Peyton together. They're easily one of my least favorite ships of all time. But the writers of One Tree Hill at least understood how to execute these moments well. Even though I wasn't a fan of everything done to push Lucas and Peyton back together, the actual moment where everything clicks for Peyton and we see through flashbacks how much Lucas has meant to her was very effective. The Origin of Love wasn't on this level because there wasn't anything to call back to outside of three episodes (101, 102, 209).

As for the time jump years, it honestly felt like the friends with benefits "arc" was supposed to be the beginning and end of the exploration between Betty and Archie. It had a clear beginning with them (literally) coming together out of loneliness and because they were trying to bury their respective traumas by losing themselves in each other. The whole thing ends with Betty realizing and vocalizing to Archie why they don't work together. Archie realizes independently of Betty that he's still in love with Veronica and doesn't want to be the guy Betty turns to for emotional stuff. That alone has pretty awful implications considering they're supposed to be former childhood best friends. But whatever. 509-518 did absolutely nothing to set up Betty or Archie missing each other or changing their perspectives and needs in such a way where their hookup at the end of the season made any damn sense. Season 6 felt as though Betty was given a lobotomy and was forced to be Archie's ideal woman at all costs as he did nothing but be his wonderful self because he only deserves the best. But even that's not really good enough considering the show made Archie the savior of Riverdale and Betty the Harlot of Babylon. Not even Betty, the so-called flawless girl next door, can possibly live up to the paragon of virtue that should be the future Mrs. Archie Andrews. In Archie's defense (even though he bugs me and I don't like defending him), he doesn't seem to put this pressure on Betty maliciously or even knowingly. But the narrative will not stop punishing Betty during the time jump years for her "sins" all the while never holding Archie accountable for doing the same or similar things. So as a result, somehow the relationship became even worse for me. Betty is constantly and consistently misunderstood with Archie barely scratching the surface of who Betty is as a person. It's so painful to see knowing how Betty and Jughead clicked on all levels and could clearly see into each other's souls. Even though they came from different worlds, they found love and acceptance in each other with their endgame basically already written until bad writing tore it apart.

ANYWAYS. I'll never know exactly what the show thought it was doing. It genuinely felt as though there was a plan in place as late as season 5 to put Betty back together with Jughead while keeping Archie and Veronica together. But then some genius got the idea for a 5 episode event that seemed to tease the idea that the ships they hooked up at the end of season 5 were the wrong ones. Then somehow, said ships were basically kept together for the entirety of season 6 even after the characters were back in "normal" Riverdale. Or you know, Lili and Cole went through a messy breakup considering Cole overshared on that podcast and so Bughead was potentially Chophia'd outside of a handful of episodes. But then, the series finale featured a lot of interaction between those two to the point where it feels strongly implied their characters end up together in the "sweet hereafter", so who even knows? All I know is that Riverdale was a terrible show and should never get any credit for good writing.

[femme-malewife]

The Beauty of Parallels and Storytelling

I talked about in this post why Aizou and Yujiro are each other’s most important people, why their non-idol songs (or, rather at least just Yume Fanfare) is theirs and how they help each other overcome each other’s trauma, and I mentioned that I wholeheartedly support Nagisa/Hiyori.

Well I wanna go into deeper detail on that right now.

The Red Herring

Hiyori has 2 novels that were written and released that made people ship the ship for Yujiro/Hiyori- being Nonfantasy and Heroine Development Plan. But I, however, think that it was a red herring. Especially since most of Hiyori’s second novel, which I have translated here, is about her falling in love with the (discontinued) character Kaido Asuka. However, after she writes him a letter and goes to confess (which goes horribly wrong), she is rejected (albeit kindly) and, despite being obviously heartbroken, she moves on.

Though, since Nagisa was still in development since 2020, he was not included in the novel, leaving many to assume that Yujiro would be her love interest. After all, it was after Hiyori was rejected that Yujiro genuinely comforted her, walked her home, and helped her stop crying, and it was Hiyori who saved Yujiro from being seriously injured by a thief at a LIPxLIP event.

Not to mention, she and Aizou both went to pick him up from his home to go with him to a New Years shrine.

While I do not believe that Yujiro was meant to be the love interest for her, it is understandable that many people leaped to the conclusion.

I fully believe, especially thanks to the lack of actual thoughts of romance with them and there was a lack of romantic chemistry between the two, that we were supposed to be shown that Hiyori didn’t need a boyfriend to feel like a heroine- rather, she has her friends who she can rely on, and who rely on her.

The Love Series has a certain way of writing characters who fall in love- even characters who are similar to Yujiro and Hiyori- like Natsuki and Yuu or even Arisa, who is arguably the direct parallel character of Yujiro. (See that post here). They have a couple good moments together, but it’s not nearly enough to conclude that they’ll be endgame.

The Parallels

When Nagisa’s intro song Gamushara released, it was revealed that they- Nagisa and Hiyori, are childhood friends, and they were both in track together in middle school.

If you notice something about Nagisa and Hiyori, and the other canon couple Kotaro and Hina, you’ll recognize that there are strikingly similar parallels.

For one, both Hina and Hiyori fell in love with a light haired and blue eyed male who is out of their reach (for Koyuki being because he was in love with someone else, and Asuka because he was aiming to become an idol with Kanata). They both wrote their crushes a letter. They both got rejected. They’re both sporty and in track, and they both have songs that sing of their love for their failed first love. (Senpai and Heroine Dev)

While Kotaro and Nagisa have both loved the girls since childhood, both talk about how they grew much taller (Nagisa sang a line about it in his song Suki na Ko ni Uso Tsuita) and how they want to be the ones that their crushes can rely on, and both always defend their crushes when one seems to be put down or is insecure. Hell, they even both tell the girls something that leads to them blushing.

“To me, you’re the cutest in the world.” - Kotaro (Hanipre)

“You are a heroine, Hiyori. To me, ya always are.” - Nagisa (Herotaru)

The Anime

“But Lisian! You hate the anime! You say that we shouldn’t consider it canon! Isn’t it hypocritical to use that to say Nagihiyo is canon when you say such things?”

You’re 100% right. I did say not to count the anime as canon. And tbh, I still think that we shouldn’t use it as the baseline for the story. And if Nagisa was an anime-only character, I would continue saying that.

HOWEVER!

I feel like the Asuka events happen early on in the story, and then the Nagisa events happen later on, given that they’re both different and both supposedly canon.

Since Nagisa and Hiyori both have songs in the Koishiteru album (released in summer of 2022) that refer to the episode (Ep 7) that Nagisa makes his full appearance in, I have to begrudgingly admit there are some things in the anime that happened or were just expanded on from the MVs. Not everything- like the Yappa Saikyou/Yume Fanfare concerts, since they already all have context and the anime changed that.

If Nagisa and Hiyori did not have songs addressing what happened from the anime, then I would say that they have a lack of foundation, just another character obstacle for Hiyori to overcome.

Endgame?

However, there’s something interesting about the songs.

Back to the whole “parallels with kotahina/nagihiyo” thing.

Both Hina and Hiyori have songs that sing of their (growing) feelings for their childhood friends. For Hina, it’s Daikiraina Hazudatta (which is also a duet with Kotaro tbf) and for Hiyori, it’s A Below Average Heroine (which doesn’t have an MV yet and it doesn’t appear to be translated yet, but the song is, essentially, her wondering how someone can like her like that, being insecure, and wondering of her own feelings about her childhood friend)

Also, it is revealed in the novels that Kotaro and Hina are hinted to get together in their university days. And here, in the Erande MV, they are obviously adults, in uni, and Hina confirms that they’re dating to her friend.

Now, as of right now, there is no other MV or anything else for Nagisa and Hiyori, HOWEVER! This does not mean that there won’t be.

Shito himself teased that there will be a university arc between Nagisa and Hiyori. When and where?!

In a twitter post, of course!

And who else got together in their uni days? Their parallels, Kotaro and Hina.

This way, Hiyori won’t be so focused on track, but she’ll be doing her own thing and have time for dating, while Nagisa attends a university in Tokyo as promised in his episode, so that he can be with Hiyori.

Will they be endgame? It definitely appears that way, since they’re following the Kotahina story almost to a tea.

The Childhood Friends Trope

In Honeyworks, the childhood friends trope always ends up reigning supreme- with the only exception being for Fuuma/Kazuki, but for Fuuma, he doesn’t end up with anyone. The only Dolce member who is canonically confirmed to be dating anyone is Sara with Uru. (Fuuma’s novel I have translated here and Sara’s novel I have translated here, if you wanna know more!)

There’s Yuu and Natsuki, Kotaro and Hina, and now, Nagisa and Hiyori.

(Bonus: here’s a really cute Fan MV for the three couples!)

So...why the childhood friend trope??

Well, aside from the trope being one of the most popular tropes in Japan, it is, simply put, because when you have a childhood friend, they know absolutely everything about you- your personality, your flaws, your insecurities, your home life, everything.

In the case of Nagisa and Hiyori, the two of them know each other’s goals- Hiyori knows and truly believes that Nagisa will be able to inherit his father’s restaurant, while Nagisa supports Hiyori in everything she does.

Hell, part of the reason why he came to Tokyo to visit her was because he was concerned about her after she failed the track prelims in the anime.

The two have absolute faith in each other and speak as though it’s simply a matter of “when” they meet their goals, never “if”.

While we don’t know Hiyori’s plans for what she’ll be doing after high school, we know that Nagisa is fully ready to support her- otherwise, he wouldn’t be so keen on coming to Tokyo come when he arrives for university.

While Hiyori has talked about Nagisa inheriting his father’s restaurant even when they were little kids, with her defending Nagisa from bullies.

While it’s true that Nagisa is very well-liked and popular at his high school and Hiyori has LIPxLIP who do support her and her dreams, it’s not quite the same as simply and genuinely standing by one’s side, unwavering support, even when you know all of your partner’s life problems and struggles.

There’s a level of intimacy that Nagisa and Hiyori share- to the point where Hiyori is desperate for Nagisa’s approval on even the most minor of things- such as looking cute, and Nagisa is so desperate to show his appreciation for Hiyori that he traveled god-knows-how-far to get to her and cook her at least one meal, something he’s wanted to do since they were little kids.

The two of them make each other happy in ways that others cannot, and stand by each other with complete trust and support- and growing feelings of love, just like Kotaro and Hina’s love story did. It’s a love story that has been unfolding ever since their childhood.

Conclusion

I wholly believe that Nagisa and Hiyori’s story, like Aizou and Yujiro’s story is with Ken and Arisa, are meant to mirror Kotaro and Hina’s.

Even if we do have to wait a while on that promised University Arc, meaning we’ll have to wait for more content for Nagisa and Hiyori, we will eventually have a beautiful closing arc that can only end with another generation opening for the supporting viewers to have and appreciate.

[brookheimer]

Dfunk anon (off anon now bc who givea a fuck) from earlier love uuu thank you for validating my takes <3

Yeah obviously i dont mean the if you love roman dni shit seriosuly lol. Thags gow it is with this show today we hate em tomorrow we love em again, they contain multitudes. Its the awful people show, we were doomed from the start what else did we expect et cetera

One thing that did shock me was shiv's pregnancy reveal to tom, do you have any thoughts on what the fate of tomshiv might be? Ifl at this point shes too far gone sges gonna do everyhing in ger power to "win" and if she doesnt at least shell bring everyone down with her.. ita gonna get ugly methinks. Anyway i understand if you gotta go to sleep i should too its been real gn

YOOO DRUNK ANON REVEAL !! hello and thank u for the asks they were a joy truly. no bad takes in sight!

and yeaaaah the tomshiv moment this ep really really Got me — personally found it like 10000x more affecting than the screaming match last episode. one of my fav tomshiv convos ever maybe? like just so devastating bc they just fundamentally do not understand each other the way they want to be understood. but as for ur question yeah i can’t really see them ending up in a happy marriage to say the least! i do think there will be attempts at reconciliation probably from tom’s end — once it really sinks in that she wasn’t lying about the baby, i think he’ll try to talk to her. i mean, from his perspective, shiv came up to him to try to sweettalk her way back into his life after their blowup last night not bc she actually meant her apology but bc she wanted an in at ATN on election night, and she used the one thing tom has explicitly wanted more than anything else in their relationship — a baby — against him as a manipulation tactic to try and reel him in. like, his response to her was genuine and hurt; it wasn’t an attack so much as a deeply sad “you’re…. seriously going to do this to me? this is what we’re doing?” and of course shiv is horrified and furious he doesn’t believe her (understandably so, i know i would be too), and everything goes downhill from there. i think yeah, it’ll probably get ugly, but just in general i’d be a little surprised if the ending were like insanely bleak. the show cares too much about its characters for that, which is a good thing — they won’t receive unrealistically horrible endings to hammer in The Satire, because yes succession is a satire, but it’s also a character and relationship study. they’ve never sacrificed that for satire before (except for greg but who gives a fuck its greg) so i don’t think they will now. i don’t think there will be a happy ending but i do think it’ll be open ended enough that some form of reconciliation or at least like peace (as in even if they’re not together i think there will be a sense of self-assurance, in a way, that there isn’t right now) will be visible somewhere off in the distance. whether or not the characters will actually ever reach it is anyone’s guess, but i don’t think succession will revel in their misery in a Boom Haha Satire Fuck Em way. i don’t think it’ll be a hopeful ending by any means, but i do think it’ll be an ending that holds room for some distant hope, rather than snuffing it out entirely (cough veep cough cough)

sorry that was much more of a general / thematic answer than specifically tomshiv related but tbh as of rn i have no fucking clue how the show is going to end — it just feels like there’s too much left, like there’s so much more i want to see. i’ve gotten a lot of asks along the lines of like “you’re so good at predicting things! any predictions for the ending?” (which, first of all, thank u <3) but my ‘predictions’ are really more about following the latest narrative threads than anything else. like, ask me again next week LMAO bc it’ll all depend on what happens in the coming ep. i have a broader sense thematically on the tone i think the show will try to strike but as for details im totally lost — it feels too far away! how can it end so soon there’s so much left! but ya know. we shall see >:)

[farcillesbian]

im so. god I had such a yuri night I have so much to tell you all yuri nation:

- went to the skate park and we ended up hanging out for 5 whole hours

- I got comfier with skateboarding!! woohoo!!

- we were listening to music and then she was like omg I'm gonna get my guitar from my car, is it ok if I play a couple of my songs. so she fucking played and sang two of her original songs to me and it was such a privilege to get to hear it. and she's so talented. and in fact she asked to record herself on my phone so I could play it back on the speaker and she could play along to the recording and so now I have a recording of her singing and playing guitar saved on my phone and the clip ends with her giggling and I am so fucking gay about it I definitely fell a little bit in love in that moment

- I decided to try skating down a ramp and she had offered to help me by letting me hold onto her. so I HELD BOTH OF HER HANDS WHILE I WENT DOWN AND SHE RAN WITH ME TIL I STOPPED. this happened twice btw.

- we went and had a bite to eat at the tim Hortons across the street. and we were def stoned lol and just chatting and eating and I swear at one point while I was talking I caught her looking at me. but also she was excitedly telling her about this sports bra she got that was comfy and made her feel so cute and happy about it AND SHE SHOWED ME A PIC OF HER WEARING IT. like it *was* just a sports bra but I was so gay in that moment it was like. uhm. yes that's wonderful Sidney. 😳 she has no idea how that was for me lol.

- then we spent time chilling in the grass watching the stars come out and listening quietly to music and it was so pleasant. our shoulders were touching at one point and I was like god I am so fucking gay.

- while doing that I had to run away for a sec to go pee across the street lol and when she came back she told me she'd been practicing her voice training a bit while I was gone and she actually like was trying out her higher voice around me and she told me that she rarely uses that around anyone because she's shy and nervous about it. but she shyly spoke to me like that 😭 it was really fucking sweet and I felt so privileged that she felt comfortable enough around me to do that. and her voice is genuinely sooooo beautiful (both her upper and lower registers) I love listening to her speak

- she also talked about how sometimes people who see her at the cafe will say she's pretty or people will say that someone saw her and called her pretty and she has trouble believing that they're being genuine and not just like. thinking they're Being Nice™ because they notice she's trans. and I was like well I mean i genuinely had this "who's that pretty girl and why does she know my name" moment when we ran into each other last week. and she then asked me if I was nervous when I went back up to say hi the next time I was in and I was like MAYBE A LITTLE... and she said she noticed my hands shaking 😭😭😭 but she also was really happy I said hi to her 😭😭😭😭

- after she had played her music for me she also talked about how it meant a lot that when I heard her play at the festival in the fall I told her it sounded very midwest emo to me. and that to connect on a music level like that is something really important and special to her. and I'm like SAME.

- she also told me she really likes how I'm always paying attention to positive art. like I'm always noticing little trans graffiti and stuff and showing it to her.

- when it got cold she lent me an extra hoodie from her car and told me yellow suited me 😭

basically like if she didn't have a gf I would probably think she's into me and tbh I still am kinda wondering that because she said she had questioned in the past whether she's polyam and decided that she's probably not but I can't help but wonder. idk this could mean anything and either way this is such a beautiful deep friendship. it feels so real like we can both be fully ourselves with each other