#i got mine around christmas time in 2021 so

[naviculariis]

Okay so. Serious post time. I'm gonna put this entire thing under a cut, but I'm also gonna post some TWs here: medical malpractice, uncertain diagnoses, family trauma / drama, grief, anxiety rambles???

But I am gonna take like. A semi-hiatus, just so I can catch up on what I owe.

I haven't talked about this over here, or on Tumblr in general. Only one person who follows me here knows about this bc we're friends on another platform.

So.

Y'all have noticed, my days don't follow a set schedule. I've been unemployed since my campus suddenly closed with very little warning back in '22. Immediately after that closing, we took a small trip to MS to be with family for Christmas, and that trip was... Bad. And on the 1st of last year, I had an accident- i was taking down Christmas lights and fell and busted open my head. I had an untreated, late diagnosed concussion thar no one really... followed up on, and have had slight memory loss even now from it.

So I couldn't work until my head healed up from that.

But that's not the medical thing. That is my mother. In October 2021, my mother went in for a routine stint placement that resulted in loss of almost total blood flow to her left leg for 36 hours. They almost had to amputate, she almost died on the table twice, she was hospitalized for a year. ( we've tried the legal route, but because the doctor never admitted fault on paper, he cannot be held liable & suing hospitals is... Difficult. Even though she has permanent damage, can no longer feel anything below the knee, and has to wear a brace to walk. ) My mother already had a weak heart to begin with due to years of smoking + cardiac disease. This was the first nail, essentially. This damaged her heart... a lot.

Back to the concussion. 4 days after my concussion, she had a massive heart attack that nearly killed her. She flatlined twice on the table. It was after this that we got confirmation that she is in congestive heart failure. My grandfather died from it. It's

... It's hard. We don't know which stage she's in because her cardiologist won't tell us, but we think she's in stage 2, or maybe 3. We don't know. But because of this, I am the one who takes care of 95% of everything around the house & outside. I do lawncare, I do the planting, I do the garden. She can do a lot, still, but when her heart gets going- it's painful. So I've been her caretaker since 2021 when the initial accident happened.

My grandmother is nearly 90 and has... Many health problems but somehow is also doing better than most folks I know. She's a mystery. And my aunt had a double knee surgery but somethings wrong with her knees, and they think the surgeries rejected, so she can't get around well or drive longer than an hour away. My grandmother no longer drives & isn't renewing her license. My mother can drive, but we don't want her to unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

So I'm the only one who can drive them around.

I have my own medical issues [ anxiety, depression, type 1 diabetes, cracked tailbone that never got treatment & is giving me hell for that- ]

So. Basically. A lot of my time isn't my time. And when I do have free time, I do try to write and chat as much as I can. At night, after I get mom to bed, I call my partner warner and we get a few hours together and then we have to go to sleep bc we're in a ldr & their timezone is an hour ahead of mine.

... I'm rambling.

It's just. It's hard sometimes. And a lot of the time I sort of sit on my back porch and cry because I'm doing this- physically- alone. Literally everyone else is 4+ hours away across the state. Or 9 hours south on the Gulf Coast, or 7 hours south in Louisiana.

I do try to stay on top of things the best I can, I really really do, but things slip through my fingers. I'm gonna try my best to get all caught up over this coming week, I think. But if my responses are delayed for threads, for discord messages- chances are, I'm busy with one of my lil ol' ladies.

On top of all of this, I live in a town of less than 900, the nearest city is 45 minutes in any direction, and the nearest BIG city is 2+ hours in any direction. Finding a job that isn't in Healthcare is impossible. And I have nothing against those who are in healthcare- I applaud you. But all of my trauma can be tied back to hospital ERs and any time I step foot into a hospital, I immediately have anxiety & can only hear the night we learned about my dad. So I physically cannot force myself to go into that field.

Which is... a whole other thing, this is getting too long. But I've been searching for a job for the past year and a half, have had 5 interviews, each one ended with "thanks for interviewing! However,". It's hard.

So I just.

My plate is a lil bit full. But I love writing. I love the rpc. It'sa comfort and a joy and I love meeting new friends and making new connections and I want to do this as long as I can but sometimes things get a little slow. That's all.

... anyways yeah. Semi hiatus. Cool.

[onyx-got-clowned]

I think the funniest thing to me, is how all the girls in gorilla tag, are so much more common, anytime i say “I’m a girl actually!” (But only cause it’s funny, or one of female presenting alters is currently fronting) someone else goes, “‘me too!” And it’s so funny hearing all the other boys in the lobby go ballistic, either being cool about it, or downright misogynistic😨

I’m one of the very few people on gorilla tag who I’m pretty sure are neurodivergent💀 I’ve had mild tic attacks on gorilla tag, forgetting to mute myself, and no one notices (thank god, cause the amount of questionable things i say is- interesting)

generally, the community is very 50/50 on how your gonna be treated, either you’ll make good friends and memories, and get off crying (happened one too many times)

I’ve gone onto gorilla tag, my username “music monkey” and would play my ukulele, I’ve gained crowds before, half the lobby vibing with me on that ledge in mountains, or playing my kazoo!

I’ve been playing gorilla tag since around February 2021, so I’ve seen the game go from the chillest vr game I’ve ever played, to not playing as much because some group of kids got an oculus for Christmas and choose to be toxic pissbabies.

there was this time, when i found this YouTuber, turbo alligator, he was a smaller YouTuber, i joined his discord, hopped in a code with him for a video, and got recognized TWICE! i was kazooy, in the second lobby, the YouTube Video was something along the lines of “gorilla tag is weird/strange” and we were playing sharks and minnows, i did not understand it what so ever, so i got tagged a bunch… but it’s such a good memory of mine :)

congrats on reading this entire post! I really love playing gorilla tag, it’s honestly one of my favorite escapes of reality, and tbh, the most memorable, i always try and make gorilla tag fun for everybody, always being kind and you should do the same <3 spread the kindness gorilla tag used to be ❤️

[cartooncreaturelover]

Hello it's me again!

So I have some more asks, some relating to art, some just random stuff I think of XD

1. Favorite character of yours that you like drawing?

2. What's your favorite show/movie? (If you don't have a favorite, just name ones you like)

3. Oldest oc you have? How did they change throughout the time you had em?

Thanks in advance!

✨ Hi! Thank you so much for asking more questions! (You're literally the first person to send in more than one ask before! Thank you for bringing some life to my ask box, lol!)

Question 1. I don't know if I have a favorite character of mine to draw, but the first character that popped into my head was Darragh, probably since I used to draw him A LOT & know how to draw him pretty well from all the times I've drawn him before! (I'm hoping to get a light board this holiday season so I can actually finish an updated version of his reference sheet soon!)

Question 2. I like a lot of shows & movies, so I'll just list the many that I like instead!

Some Of The Movies I Like Include... Back To The Future (trilogy) Little Shop of Horrors (1986) Ferris Bueller's Day Off Gremlins Gremlins 2: The New Batch How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004) Wolfwalkers Shrek 2 Puss in Boots: The Last Wish The "Spider-Man: Spider-Verse" series The "Kung Fu Panda" series The "Sing" series The "Trolls" series

Some Of The TV Shows I Like Include... Bluey The Owl House Infinity Train Ducktales (2017) Gravity Falls Steven Universe My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005) Our Flag Means Death Bob's Burgers Central Park SpongeBob SquarePants (Seasons 1-3)

(You know, writing this list out has made me realize how much I like musicals... & DreamWorks Animation???)

Question 3. The oldest OC that I have is my first OC! I haven't drawn her in a long time, but her name is Magic & she initially was one of those classic "character a child likes, so they barely recolor the character & call it their own;" the actual character was Spyro from the Skylanders series! (Yes, I love "Pug Spyro!") Initially, the only difference was that she had white accent colors instead of gold/bronze. As I got better at drawing & designing characters, I began to actually make her more original & less like Skylanders' Spyro (pictured below!)

The first drawing (which is actually the first drawing I ever made of her!) is from 2014, I think in April; I believe we were going on a school field-trip that day to a trampoline park as a reward for the good students? I drew her with no reference in class with my pencil & colored pencils on a piece of notebook paper! Whenever that day was, it was the day I decided to take art seriously & was the start of my journey to getting as good at drawing as I am today!

The second drawing is (I think) from around 2018 when I really started to try & make her legally distinct from Skylanders' Spyro; different shaped horns, fin-like ears, furred belly & (not pictured) tail tip (kinda like Banjo's)! I made that drawing with my old & cheap watercolor set on what (I think) is sketchbook watercolor paper; & yes, that tiny little portrait is in a tiny little picture frame!

The third drawing is a concept doodle for a 4.0 design for Magic from around 2021 or 2022? I never finalized the design, but the idea was to really change her body type into being more chubby & pear-shaped like some stuffed animals I have, as well as adding stars to her design since I think of her as my "spark of inspiration" for where I am now! Since I've been working on redesigning another dragon-like character of mine recently, perhaps I'll finally get around to finalizing Magic 4.0, who knows!

You (or anybody else who may see this!) can totally ask me more questions about my interests or old/new characters of mine if you’d like! Thank you so much for taking the time to ask me fun questions to answer! ✨

[materialogy]

It’s December 31, 2021. I’m sitting in the parking lot of the only business that will be open until midnight in a tiny ghost town outside of Big Bend National park. I saw a balloon trellis with “2022” decorating it earlier so I figured I might find some people to Hollar in the new year with here.

My service is full bars, 3G – much better than I thought it would be! So no data transfer. I have tried video chatting, posting, and sending people pictures but alas, the service only works for text and phone calls. I figured I would sit here and think about my year, where has it gone? We say that every year, as if we blink and memories of the past revolution around the sun flash before our eyes. I feel compelled to share how my year has gone. Call it loneliness? The lack of human beings I have seen that I care about, that care about me? That’s not to discredit the 100s of strangers I’ve had lovely (and not so lovely lol) interactions with in the past month and a half.

I started my year in Massachusetts, my home town, in my childhood yard with my oldest friend and my family, burning Christmas trees as is tradition on New Year’s Eve – but at a much smaller scale due to a certain pandemic. I got some ski runs in at the slopes of Loon mountain the next day, in another state that I absolutely adore (♥️New Hampshire♥️)

I drove back to my actual home of 5 years, Lima Ohio, to go back to work and begin construction of the $5,000 PC my employer trusted me to build (how did I get here lol, if you asked me what I thought my future career would be before college, I would have said “as far away from the IT field as possible”)

I took and passed a test to become a certified drone pilot by the FAA. Since passing, I have flown my drone over various scenery and cities in 14 states and counting.

I spun fire for the first time in a rock garden that is like nothing you’ve ever seen before with a dear friend. What a wonderful, powerful experience! This garden is in the back yard of a sweet, eccentric man in the hometown of Neil Armstrong, Wapakoneta. My Ohio people know 😏 I went on to spend every Thursday evening this summer jamming out vocally and on my mandolin with a group of 10-20 older musicians who I might categorize as the original hippies? Lol

I danced with great friends in the back room of a vape shop that I met from a video gig I had at the beginning of the pandemic. I picked up the bass guitar, an instrument that literally makes me feel like the most badass lady on the planet even though I am at a below beginner level haha.

I took pictures with my first film camera, and had a friend come over and teach me how to develop it myself in my dark bathroom. Definitely gave me an admiration for the blind! The film strip hung to dry on my shower curtain rod until I was able to invert the negative and see my extreme inexperience with the original medium of photography LOL.

I flew to Florida in March with two people, I now consider family after years of friendship in Ohio. We had a great time sitting by the pool and laying on the beach until we got back to the car to see the $120 ticket because we were so excited to run to the beach that we forgot to pay for parking! That was fun. NOT

Later in the year, I went on to participate in the marriage of these too amazing people shortly after buying their first home in the poppin’ town of Columbus, Ohio. Love you guys big time.

I got inked for the first time since I was 18! One cute and impulsive tattoo of a little bee, and one tattoo I’ve been talking about getting since I was 17 with my non blood sister ♥️. I’m blessed by the people in my life! And guess who the artist was? Another stunning soul I have gotten to know in the past two years, who has just finished building her schoolie to live and travel in!

That same artist friend of mine went on to give me the honor of tattooing her! A little brasil philodendron now resides on her shin by my hand. Love you Caroline ♥️

This year I bought new rollerblades and have traveled the country putting 100s of miles on them in various cities: San Francisco, Boston, Charlotte, Savannah, Tampa, New Orleans etc etc.

I took an exhilarating pre-travel flight to San Francisco with my covid raincheck ticket and visited with my aunt and uncle for nearly 2 weeks. Exploring the city, hiking the Bay Area elevation, singing in karaoke bars in Japantown, painting in an iconic art studio, flying the drone over their neighborhood. The memories are warm in my heart.

This year I parted ways with my partner of 5 years.

This year I packed up my entire life and the home I had spent 4 years in. (That’s a long time for a 23 year old!) I sold many earthly possessions, I packed my cats, I packed my piano, I packed my memories.

I moved my things to my parents house. &&& let me just take a moment to thank them for how wonderful and understanding they’ve been.

When I told them, hey, I know this sounds crazy, but I NEED to blow my savings traveling the country living in my car, they were not totally on board lol. But they ultimately understood that this was what I needed before the next job, and there’s no words that I could say to thank them enough for supporting me and for watching my cats and my greenhouse volume of plants while I go through my existential crisis that has lead me over 5,000 miles around the American continent.

I have been on the road for nearly a month and a half. I have hiked mountains, danced with strangers, kayaked with manatees, flown in a 2-person plane that is triple my age, explored museums and walked through historical locations. I have been sun kissed and sunburnt. I have spent all night changing the alternator in my car in the Walmart parking lot of a small Louisiana town. I have made coffee under many skies and on many beaches. I have superglued homemade window covers to the glass of my car because I’m tired of them falling on me in my sleep. I have cooked Mac and cheese in the top level of a parking garage at 2am cause what else am I gonna do when I’m hungry on bourbon street?

And now here I am, in a rural (understatement) town about a rocks throw from the Mexico border. I’m about halfway through my trip and if I was looking for answers to what I should do next or what my purpose is, I don’t think I’m gonna find that on the road.

What I have found is one hell of a life changing experience.

Reader, if you’re still there, here are a few excerpts from my travel journal entries:

“Slept in my first Walmart parking lot last night among a fleet of RVs, felt safer that way. Minutes from Folly Beach, SC, but I will drive inland soon to see an old friend. I’ll come back here tonight”

“Skated 4 miles on the Tampa riverwalk today and got a nice shower.”

“I am drawing some mutant palms among the yellow umbrellas & blue chairs on Treasure island. The Cabana boy told me yesterday that if I came back today, I could have a free cabana for the day.

& so I sit on the blue chairs under the yellow cabana, wondering how I found myself in such a beautiful moment.

Another day at the beach on Treasure island.”

“My skin is burnt from Florida’s hot rays. I thought it was kissed but my northern complexion was unprepared for the beating sun.

My eyes are crusted from dried tears.

A vagabond life I live.”

“Parked on the wharf, 2:00am, my eyes open to the sound of cooing owls. I decide to head out

To the beach I go, away from the little key that has a population of 700.

Tires screech to a stop on the bridge over the water leaving the town. The sky is stunning.

I have lost track of the amount of shooting stars my eyes have absorbed. It’s 3:20 am.”

“Overcast commanded the sky when I arrived in Panama City this morning. It seemed to swallow the high that was brought on by the clear night sky. I had a frustrating time with my stove as I lugged it through the sand. Complete with coffee supplies and complications, but I was determined to make my morning cup of Joe by the water.”

“Shards from massive sand dollars cover the white sand that is clustered into drifts like that of snow. It’s funny how I’m down where the weather is temperate, yet my mind goes to the cruel and icy landscape that is New England.”

“Skated around and fell with my coffee. I smell like coffee”

“I stayed in a parking garage and it was terrible. People were honking at every corner of the windy, multilevel structure. The sounds bounced off the concrete walls all night.”

“Hah my Friday night did not go as planned. I ended up staying up all night replacing the alternator in my car in a town I drove to to DoorDash. I woke up in that town and now I hit the road. Houston here I come.”

“Fire twirls before my eyes on the rooftop of a warehouse littered by art and junk at every level. Who knew this could be found on Houston’s Main Street.”

“Today I left the ground.

Today I soared the skies.

Today I coasted above the land that I have spent most of my life walking, driving, skating, swimming, climbing on.

It took me sideways.

It took my breath away.”

“The crumbly trail twists and turns as I follow it. I twist and turn like the water once did.”

[suenitos]

its rlly interesting hearing everyones canon events for what got them here the diversity in peoples reactions to dream or dnf or dteam and parasocialism etc is actually breathtaking. anyway here's mine (with most of the journey as a bonus) that no one asked for. WARNING IT'S LONG:

i was more of a slow burn in that i first became aware of who the hell dream (i think george too?) was during summer 2020 when the maia thing was happening (i think it was trending or something and EVERYONE knew her from prom dress so i was like hey i know her!), though i dont remember all of the details i just remember thinking "ok!" then closing the twitter app. didn't pay it any mind.

later i started to get dteam content on my tiktok fyp from compilations and thought why the hell not and started to watch them on youtube. i found the mc tag video and was HOOKED with the solo dnf challenge videos. fell out of it for a while because online school then came back officially on november 16 when unus annus ended and lmanberg exploded and i needed something else to obsess over to cope with isolation. i dont quite remember when quackity came into the equation but he was THE reason i got into cdnf (and lore too i guess) because he gave us the only pov of the dethronement and that was the first lore stream i watched live. i remember recognizing him from the raids and discords got talent videos and got more into him and dteam at the same time especially as 5/5 became a thing (so you can see why i was hurt really bad when april happened lol)

another part of it was heat waves.. i was pretty opposed to it at first because after dan howell's coming out i thought rpf was inherently invasive to content creators. and to be fair there was a lot of freaknasty shit written about phan that made them uncomfortable! but since i have no morals i caved and read it anyway under the justification that everyone kept saying this is really good characterization and writing so why not! (up until chapter 3 was released at this time) i finally decided to register for an ao3 account along with thousands of other people (before the waiting list got really long lol) and read it and well. here we are

the parasocial drontroversy was happening around this time too and i sort of talked about it but that indirectly caused me to lurk for the entirety of 2021 mostly on tiktok and twitter and twitch (i knowwww. it was pretty bad). part of that too was because of the drontoversies so i avoided engaging directly until i knew for sure that dream wasn't the evilest man ever. i was really cautious about him because i had this assumption of his character (white cis het (lol) man raised republican) but after seeing his growth and learning a bit about him i grew out of my initial timidity and embraced the stan label (in secret). i was also a big youtube viewer too i loved the animations people made and still do! a xanyleaves manhunt animation also convinced me to watch manhunt and dteam (any object show fans here lol?) i got sick of doing that and not dumping everything in my brain somewhere my irls wouldn't see so i lurked here for a while and officially joined in january 2022. it was pretty fun! but then after a while you could tell the wheels were falling off the wagon!

i left for probably a month following the drituation drop (still lurking for updates etc) but then decided to come back with a different account because 1. i decided for myself that it was ultimately a nothing burger after seeking out evidence when i was ready 2. i was sick of using that blog as a sideblog and this is all i blog about anyway 3. i was lonely :( i missed the few mutuals i had and seeing life on the dash. i also just wanted to help build something healthier from before. i think the christmas streams were the first time i felt READY and sure to actively come back and my time here here has been really wonderful for the most part. this is MY toxic radioactive echo chamber dumpster and i love being a bacteria living in it.

[mrultra100]

Ultra's End-of-Year Recap: Electric Boogaloo

Given how little I think of just how much more insane things can get with each passing year, I really wasn’t expecting how my blog was gonna go in 2022, but after joining an ask blog (Kudos to @another-silly-mixels-blog ), now having little more than 80 followers on here, being a major player in spreading the good word on what’s basically the biggest event in paleomedia in the last few years, and my writing and art skills getting significantly better this year…

I should really give these things more thought, huh? Regardless, I should still celebrate all of the good that came tumbling towards this silly blog of mine. Just like last year, I’m capping off ‘22 with a special ‘lil recap of the biggest events to happen to the Ultra Barrier Reef (And that’s a far better name than what this blog was named originally). Seriously, alot has happened this year, and I really couldn’t be more thankful for all of the support I’ve gotten over the years, both from fans and close friends of mine. You are all amazing! I know I said something like it last time (Maybe?), but consider this my early Christmas present, from me to you.

I posted 1,622 times in 2022

209 posts created (13%)

1,413 posts reblogged (87%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mrultra100 (That's me!)

@bogleech

@master-of-gaburincho

@marinebiologyfacts

@thesketchyside

I tagged 1,027 of my posts in 2022

Only 37% of my posts had no tags

#ultra ramblings - 243 posts (Again, I had alot of stupid things to say this year)

#pokemon - 234 posts (Since TWO mainline games came out in the same year, this tag was bound to increase, more than usual)

#prehistoric planet - 140 posts (Anyone remember Alien Worlds? I don't, so watch PHP instead. Make Hank proud)

#pokemon scarlet and violet - 119 posts (Are these games fairly buggy? Yes, yes they are. That still isn't gonna stop me from enjoying what's basically Sun and Moon, but ramped up to 11)

#halloween - 119 posts (Still 2Spooky4U)

#ultra-ween - 116 posts (This was the first time since 2019 that I partook in a monthly drawing challenge. One hell of a trip, lemme tell ya)

#bugsnax - 89 posts (While not as big as all of the Pokemon stuff, the Bigsnax DLC sure did help this one grow a bit)

#my artz - 88 posts (Probably my biggest achievement this year; My art has gotten BETTER)

#johnny test - 60 posts (I'm pretty sure that the 2021 revival is now dead in the water, no thanks to Netflix's legal fucknuttery. Sure as hell ain't gonna stop me from getting ideas for my own hypothetical reboot. Also, there sure were alot of V-Marys tossed around)

#mixels - 56 posts (Part of it involved me joining an ask blog dedicated to this show. It's as fun as it sounds)

Longest Tag: 101 characters

#give me a cinderella stuffing her face with food and a feral fairy godmother who contemplated murder!

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

When people are making so much fanart and memes of your show, it gets slingshotted into the spotlight, you know you’ve made it as a spiritual successor to one of the biggest cornerstones of paleomedia.

Also, Ken Ham can cry me a river.

177 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

It still boggles my mind that, of all things to happen this year, we got femboy pterosaurs. I'm all here for it, especially if it makes out-of-touch creationists drown in their own tears. Ken Ham must've made a whole ocean of them at this point.

#4

Managed to snag one of the 15 second teasers!

211 notes - Posted May 19, 2022

I understand that this was posted during the PHP hype train, but how did this blew up? Not that I'm complaining or anything, I'm just curious.

#3

"It is a lovely morning in Late Cretaceous Mongolia, and you are a horrible Deinocheirus"

240 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

Of all the many pieces that I made over the course of the year, this might just be my crowning jewel.

#2

CHINCHOU (Unovan Form)

Angler Pokemon

Electric/Ghost

Ability: Shadow Tag/Lightning Rod- Prankster (HA)

“First found within the Unovan abyss, this variant of Chinchou has evolved more bioluminescent lures to attract prey. Not only can these lights attract prey, they leave them in a daze, as if they’re under a trance. When its prey gets close enough, Unovan Chinchou delivers a powerful discharge that stuns them. It’s said that the main source of Unovan Chinchou’s bioluminescence is souls, preferably, the souls of its prey.”

STOMIGHTURN

Abyssal Lure Pokemon

Electric/Ghost

Ability: Shadow Tag/Lightning Rod- Prankster (HA)

“Due to the extreme circumstances of the deep sea, along with competition from other Pokemon, the Chinchou of the Unova region evolve into Stomighturn. Having grown in size, Stomighturn uses the same hunting techniques as its previously-evolved form, only with much more bioluminescent lures. Along with a long barbel that hangs from its lower jaw, parts of Stomighturn’s own skeleton now appear on the creature’s hide, being charged with 1.21 gigawatts of ghastly electricity. This strange beast now requires living prey, as it’s been known to swallow them whole, both their body and soul, with its elastic stomach being capable of trapping prey. This species was first discovered when scientists came across one while testing a bathysphere”

Unovan Chinchou evolves into Stomighturn when at level 27

After seeing @bogleech talking about how Chinchou was a better design than Lanturn, I decided to make a regional form for the lil’ guy, along with adding a new evolution that does both the it and the creatures that it’s based on justice.

258 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

How can you screw up making a deep-sea fish? Some chump at GameFreak somehow messed it up when they made Lanturn a thing, so I just had to do my own take on it.

My #1 post of 2022

ALL ABOARD THE PP HYPE TRAIN!

513 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

If I can be honest with myself, this whole was my Prehistoric Planet Arc. It basically was for alot of people, let's not kid ourselves.

At the end of the day, this was one of the biggest years for the Ultra Barrier Reef. Given that the blog is turning 5 next year, who knows what's gonna happen next? Well, that's the fun part. Down in these shitpost-infested waters, you never know what surprises could bubble up to the surface.

Speaking of surprises, I got an extra-special piece coming up to cap the year off. While you should expect to see that in the next few days, things are gonna be a bit slower for the rest of the year (Mainly due to me taking some time off.).

With all of that said, thank you all so much for the continued support, and I'll be rising back up from the depths next year. Happy Holidays, folks!

[gaywriting]

🎉Happy New Years!! 🎉

it is the end of this year, which ended up becoming a very productive year for me reading wise (and life wise as well) so i thought i would post what ive gotten around to finishing from january - december of 2022. 🥳

concidering i had a massive reading block in 2021 and didn't end up finishing a single book, i'd say ive managed to pick myself up quite nicely! ive read 9 books and 7 comics (and a heck of a lot of manga as well). Its been a year of reading almost only lgbt books and i think that's helped me out of the slump i was in last year. for some odd reason reading about something im passionate about and can see myself in is really motivating! if anything it inspired me (as well as my friend in uni who runs a bookstagram) to do something with this writing blog of mine. i've not posted here in a while, but now that my exams are over with i hopefully have time to finish some reviews ive been planning 👀

🌸 The books I've finished in 2022 🌸

Circe by Madeline Miller ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin A. Saenz ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Aristotle and Dante Dive Into the Waters of the World by Benjamin A. Saenz ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Heartstopper by Alice Oseman ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzie Lee ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Lost Adventures and Team Avatar Tales by Gene Luen Yang and others ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Bloom by Kevin Panetta & Savanna Ganucheau ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Mermaid, the Witch and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Alex in Wonderland by Simon James Green ⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

The Heartstopper Yearbook by Alice Oseman ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jenette McCurdy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I got like 8 books for christmas as well so i think im set up for a while at least haha📖📚

here's to 2023, that i maybe will top this year and read more things of literature (and if not, that's cool too) and many happy readings! 💖

[mbrainspaz]

I posted 3,907 times in 2022

That's 1,137 more posts than 2021!

565 posts created (14%)

3,342 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mbrainspaz (I feel called out.)

@b1y7h3shifter

@dkpsyhog

@geeneelee

@curlsabroad

I tagged 2,865 of my posts in 2022

Only 27% of my posts had no tags

#tiktok - 154 posts

#funny video - 131 posts

#personal problems - 112 posts

#life of a texan peasant - 91 posts

#funny story - 78 posts

#funny post - 77 posts

#us politics - 75 posts

#gifs - 68 posts

#writer problems - 63 posts

#lmao - 62 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i will continue to enjoy my trash entertainment where everybody comes back to life and nothing makes sense and villains are inexplicably ho

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Can people change?

Yes

Can you change them?

Nope!

85 notes - Posted June 27, 2022

#4

I keep coming back lately to how f*cked up it was that my dad never let me mess anything up. Oh no, don’t climb out the window and sit on the roof--you’ll damage the shingles. So I put out beach towels and was extra careful, and he still got mad. Some of my best childhood memories were sitting out on that roof with my brother or my friends. Man f*ck the shingles. We sold that house a year later anyway. I waited years for him to fix the toilet paper roll holder in an upstairs bathroom--then one day just broke down and fixed it myself. It took me 5 minutes. And he was mad because I didn’t use the right kind of screws. F*ck the right screws. It looked perfect and it worked just fine, at least until I moved out. Now I’ve been out here living with a bunch of rogue ranchers and old engineers and it’s given me a whole new perspective on life. The first day I moved onto this ranch the owner got out an electric saw and cut a hole straight through a sewer pipe. I nearly panicked! Like--YOU CAN JUST DO THAT?!?! Just break something?! It was a horrible job! But BAM--it was done! And that sh*t changed my whole worldview. Last week I helped remodel a bridge with some spare logs and a pickaxe. I’ve sawed open the roof of my house and glued it back together. I’ve torn wall fixtures off and burned them in a bonfire. 

GO AHEAD! BREAK IT. Wear down the shingles. Cut holes through the wall. Get mud on the sofa. Put stickers on your car. Break the world around you just a little instead of living in fear of losing resale value you rarely get back anyway. It’ll be fine. 

198 notes - Posted April 7, 2022

#3

How much did I want a horse?

A totally sane amount. 🫣

406 notes - Posted September 1, 2022

#2

have I mentioned how hilarious it is to me when people ask me about my gender and I tell them I'm non-binary and they go "well I don't believe in all that." Cool beans pal. And I don't give a f*ck about your beliefs. Have a nice day. 😂

448 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

mom: It’s so crazy it’s like everyone around me is getting covid.

me: that’s why it’s spiking, mom.

mom: no like your dad was saying I’m the carrier, haha. 

me: Well you might be. You were sick over christmas and everyone else had it after. [and I begged you to wear a mask but you went around kissing everybody instead]

mom: But my symptoms were really mild and allergy meds made mine go away.

me: allergy meds can treat symptoms. My regular ones have helped with covid too.

mom: huh. But your dad’s symptoms are totally different. He’s got a fever and he’s been throwing up. It’s really bad. Same with our friend from church. 

me: Were they vaccinated?

mom: no. 

me: THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU’RE NOT VACCINATED.

mom: But your dad already had covid before the pandemic. 

me: IT’S A DIFFERENT STRAIN MOM. PEOPLE CAN GET COVID MULTIPLE TIMES MOM. THAT’S WHAT THE VACCINE IS FOR MOM. THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TELLING Y’ALL FOR TWO YEARS MOM.

mom: Well...

675 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nytehavyn-circle]

I posted 4,811 times in 2022

That's 4,444 more posts than 2021!

921 posts created (19%)

3,890 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wilwheaton

@akindplace

@liberalsarecool

@walkerofclouds

@naughtynecromancer

I tagged 1,915 of my posts in 2022

#ooc - 714 posts

#naughtynecromancer - 177 posts

#tolaas x mori - 168 posts

#the cowboy vampire and his fae queen - 112 posts

#meme - 105 posts

#elektranon - 93 posts

#lilahemorgan - 81 posts

#spike - 61 posts

#politics - 54 posts

#visage - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 117 characters

#and when i run out of food stamps i use our bishop's warehouse. the selection of food isn't great but it's still food

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

‘i licked you so you’re mine now’

Tolaas glanced at her, then looked down at his arm, then looked up at her and started laughing. "Really? That's how yer gonna try ta claim me? Yer the first one that's ever licked me ta try ta stake a claim."

@elemental-surprise

62 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

#4

Eve grinned seeing Terran reading in front of her, slipping off her shoes, she did her best to sneak up on him, vanishing in violet flames and reappearing in his lap with no flames this time. Wriggling playfully in his lap to get comfortable, she smiled. "Hi." She greeted him.

Terran's book was basically knocked out of his hands and onto the floor when Eve "poofed" into his lap. He glanced forlorn at the book on the floor, pouting, but smiled warmly at Eve and wrapped his arms around her. "Hi, Pet," he said, then kissed her softly. "What are you up to today, my dear?"

@bxrningambitions

77 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#3

Tolaas was walking down the street, handin the pockets of his duster, just minding his own business and thinking about things. HE was currently in an alternate New York, where he had followed a ShadowDemon and finally disposed of it.

Now that that was overwith, here he was just wandering.

In the short distance, Tolaas recognized somebody. "Harley!" he exclaimed, forgetting for the moment that this wasn't his Harley, this wasn't the Harley he knew.

He hadn't seen her ina year and had recently been thinking about her. HEnce the excitement when he saw "her".

"Harley!" he exclaimed again and rushed up to her. Quicly, he picked her up in his arms and kissed her deep. Finally, he broke the kiss and stood her down... and it finally dawned on him after a quick look at her aura.

"Oh shit," he muttered. ":My gods, I'm so sorry..."

@thejestersiren

101 notes - Posted February 3, 2022

#2

"Did I mention you missed my birthday, and Christmas and Valentines day? We have a lot of time to make up for, a lot of celebrating." She asked him with a small smile, she had gifts for him and a nice steak dinner planned. "Can I steal you?" She asked him, looking up at him sweetly.

Tolaas smirked at stared at her. "Yeah, yeah," he chuckled. "Well, the last year... I missed a lotta stuff fer a lotta people..." He nodded. "Sure, I ain't got nothing planned taday. Where ya takin' me?" he asked.

@naughtynecromancer

103 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

(Open)

(Open to new interactions)

Tolaas was at the venue that night, for amateur night. Throughout his life, Tolaas had mastered any type of song that could be sung, mastered the guitar. Though he wasn't an amateur, he always played amateur nights so he wouldn't really be recognized or anything as such. He preferred to stay out of the public eye where his talents were concerned.

He was in the public eye enough when he was out Hunting or doing jobs. Luckily Terran managed to keep his hidden afterward and out of the eyes and thoughts of the local police.

But tonight was for fun. The stage was nice and had a full band, so Tolaas would be able to showcase his strumming and his voice with full accompaniment.

He applauded and whistled for the woman who had come before him. She sang a rendition of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful". And it matched the woman's voice. It was amazing. It really moved Tolaas.

Now, it was his turn. He stepped onto the stage and swung his guitar around. He introduced himself and strummed a few chords. He said he was going to sing "Little Black Dress" by Jace Everett.

In front of the mic, Tolaas began the song, with the band backing him the whole time.

124 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[koinvyokan]

what technoblade means to me

this still feels so surreal. its so strange to know that one of the most impactful content creators, and people in general to me has passed away.

i only joined the dream smp/mcyt fandom a year a ago. lore was really daunting to get into, and one of the only reasons i kept up watching old lore was definitely technoblade. watching his doomsday streams and daring escapes from the butcher army made me feel like i was truly watching something cinematic and dramatic in a way that no other lore did. he's the reason i stuck around at first. he's the reason i have this blog and have been able to meet so many great people.

he became the most interesting character and cc to me quickly, his sense of humour just perfectly fit with mine. i binged all his skywars, skyblock, and potato war videos. like i got home from school and only watched techno videos till i went to sleep it was actually a problem to my schoolwork at a point. i watched his old smp earth vods and minecraft monday tournaments. i was so consumed that a non mcyt irl knew enough about techno to buy me a pig plushie for christmas (of course named techno). here's some techno plush content to hopefully make you smile

my mental health took a big dive from it's already kinda shit starting point around november 2021 and up until recently. one day, the one year anniversary of my friend's suicide, the only thing that made me smile a little bit and took my mind off of things was rewatching techno's potato war videos. i will always remember that. i suffered from a lot of insomnia in that period, and for a very long time the only way i could reliably go to sleep was putting on a long techno stream and waiting. it always worked. he was my healthy coping mechanism. it sounds like a joke or something, saying 'i watched technoblade just to feel something' but yeah, i did and i still do. i know that his videos or streams will make me laugh, or put me in awe and appreciation of his skill and dedication, or that i will be transported to a story where this decked out giant pig guy singlehandedly takes on the world and always wins. his content has served as such an important escape for me, i would have been so much more miserable without him. im so so thankful. i hope he understood even a fraction of the impact he had. techno accompanied me through my darkest times, he was joy for me.

the passion that this man had for everything he did was immense, his dedication inspires me to this day. his skill was unmatched because of that, and i will always consider him the greatest of all time at the craft. he displayed such kindness towards his friends and fans alike, i try to treat my friends how he treated his. his wit and humour brought life to everything he did. he managed to make hundreds of bedwars and skywars rounds each be interesting and memorable thanks to the strength of his personality. also he murdered orphans. an all around great guy.

god when i saw that notification. i saw 'so long nerds' and immediately my mind was jumping to conclusions. oh, so he was taking a break from youtube. maybe he had to go through with the amputation after all and couldn't continue with minecraft. i didnt even consider the reality as an option. when his dad started to speak my heart dropped to the floor. my love is going out to his family and his friends, what theyre going through is just horrible and it must be exacerbated by having to go through it so publicly. techno deserved a long and happy life, but it gives me comfort and i hope it does for everyone that he said he would choose to be technoblade all over again.

i really dont know if there is anything after this life, but i believe that the people we love stay with us and it is our duty to keep them alive in our memory. i also know that it is necessary for a while, but unhealthy to wallow in the grief. this is sad. this is terrible. but techno brought so much joy, and i just want to remember that. its gonna be a challenge to get to that point, but he deserves to be remembered like that. for you the world, techno.

[familyofpebbles]

France/Birthniversarymasyear 2021

Turns out, I had already written about Rothenburg and our whole December and forgotten that I had done that. So, here it is:

-

We made it!  A new year. We’ve managed to dodge the plague while also having an adventurous year together. It flew by, really. And of course, most importantly, BirthNiversaryMasYear was a resounding success.

We begin on your birthday, as always. You had to work, unfortunately. But I took the day off so I could work on one of your presents- an attempt to replicate your favorite meal at Chopstix, one of our regular take-out spots in North Carolina. This process turned out to take the entire afternoon and evening, but it was WORTH it. I made you angel food cake and strawberry sauce first, both of which were successes. Then I started on the largest challenge- homemade tapioca boba. I knew it would be hard, but I was not prepared for just HOW hard. The temperature and timing turned out to be VERY specific and 2 out of 3 tries I SOMEHOW made a non-Newtonian fluid out of the dough. Thankfully, despite my initial confidence, I had thought to buy some premade boba as backup. I ended up using that and now that I know how easy THAT is to get… I think it may just become a staple in our house.

Next came the Thai tea- beautiful loose leaf rich smelling goodness. And then finally, the spicy lo mien! (I forgot I was going to try to make crispy tofu too until we were done eating. Oh well.) After the boba defeat this was a much needed morale booster. And it all turned out amazing!! So satisfying to have those familiar flavors again. After dinner I gave you your slippers (multiple pairs to prevent you from stealing mine), and we played the rest of Detroit: Become Human. Not a bad birthday for having to work, I think!

Then my birthday- unfortunately you had to work this day too. But I had a nice one! Enjoyed my slowed down morning routine, did my yearly tarot reading (this year will be largely introspective and refining, and I should focus on relaxing a bit basically), and then took my yearly little portrait session. Then you got home, we did a quick outfit change, and off to Carlos and Jordan’s for a Christmas party AND little surprise birthday party for me!! Jordan got a cake and I was sung to and Carlos gave me a Yankee candle to blow out and it was all very sweet. I have such good friends.

The next morning we were off on a birthniversary surprise trip you planned for me! We went to Rothenburg Ob Der Tauber, a beautiful, romantic, walled German town all ready for Christmas. It was so cozy- we walked around and drank Gluhwein and checked out this massive Christmas village store where we got two new little ornaments for our tree (Obder the gnome and Tauber the owl, naturally). You got yourself the hat you’ve been wanting and therefore completed your transformation to a dapper older man. We walked the walls of the city- one of only a few still completely standing in Germany. We had tea and rum with cake at the coziest café, resolved to come back to get the cutest teddy bears at a certain shop, tried some schneeballs, and you even scored an actual Gutman glass! Dinner was at a fancy restaurant where we had INCREDIBLE meals (pumpkin soup, ravioli, fresh bread and cheese) and wine. We left without room for dessert (we‘ll go back just for the chocolate cake sometime). Seeing places we’ve always admired in pictures will never stop being the most thrilling experience. I still can’t believe we get to do it so often. It was a beautiful weekend my love. Thank you, thank you for putting it together.

I had to work on our actual anniversary, but it was a short shift! We went to dinner at one of our favorite Indian restaurants and went through our 36 questions. I love that tradition. I love the ease in which we answer each other and how there are changes in answers over time. I love growing together.

My gift to you was a scrapbook documenting all of our treasures- where and when we got them and their stories. We had been wanting to do that for a while so we don’t forget, and I finally did!

You got me a beautiful ivy ear cuff, a necklace with a bust of a living Medusa on the pendant which I LOVE, and on top of that you made a video for me, of our relationship through the years. I don’t want to describe it too much because I feel like that takes away from it. Maybe you can post it here. It made me cry, and still makes me cry every time I watch it. I love you so MUCH. We really made it.

My Christmas gift to you was tickets to a 20th anniversary concert of the Lord of the Rings, with Billy Boyd there and everything. It was canceled. That was a swift kick to the gut. Such a disappointment.

Since we weren’t revolving around that anymore, you planned a whole new trip for us while I was at work. You took us to France!!

And what an experience it was. We arrived in Strasbourg on Christmas Eve and headed straight to the Christmas market at the base of the giant cathedral. It’s the oldest Christmas market in France apparently, and it was beautiful. We got some Vin Chaud and the best waffles of our lives (truly), and gazed up  at the spires and marveled at where we were at. We kept on asking each other “Where are we???” as constant little ‘Pinch me’ moments.

We explored more of the town and were amazed at how every single street was fully decorated, lights shining everywhere. At one courtyard there was a massive Christmas tree, and on the hour there was a light show set to The Grand Finale (from Edward Scissorhands) that was so magical I cried a little bit. The whole night was so overwhelmingly beautiful. It was the most magical Christmas to date.

Christmas morning I opened my presents in the hotel- you got me a beautiful wildflower scarf and an adorable pin of a mouse drifting on a leaf umbrella- and we had a delicious breakfast of croissants and cheese and fruit and coffee. We also got a little history lesson from the girl at the front desk. Over the whole trip we found the stereotype of rude French people to be very untrue. Everyone was kind and some even went out of their way to be friendly! Maybe the Christmas spirit helped a bit, but we had no bad experiences with anyone.

Some stereotypes that we DID find to be delightfully true were, 1) Many people of all ages do indeed wear berets, 2) We saw quite a few people carrying around baguettes, including a small child eating one whole, 3) I heard “Ooh la la” TWICE, 4) The bread and sweets are AMAZING. I will forever crave the lemon tarts.

We went to go check out the cathedral and ended up being there as the line for Christmas mass was forming. And well, why not? If I'm gonna experience catholic anything this is probably going to be the thing to see. It was very visually impressive, and the choir was beautiful to hear. What the most interesting thing to me was how ritualistic everything was. All the chanting and specific robes and hats and the staff plus the whole body & blood of Christ thing. Made me think about how humans take comfort in patterns. What struck me most was when the whole congregation chanted together. I didn't know it was coming so it surprised me, and that many people created such a deep rumble that went right to the chest. I used to feel the same way at JW conventions when thousands of people sang together- it's the most moved I ever was. I don't know about a god but people! People unified in a belief have such power. People make things happen. -

We continued on to Mulhouse, which was to be our home base for the next few days. The windows of our Airbnb looked directly to it’s towering church, lit up purple for Christmas. We had brought with us some bread, wine, and regional specialty cheese with us from Strasbourg. The cheese turned out to smell (and kind of taste) like a fart. We are decidedly not fans of Munster.

Another day, we ventured to Colmar, which was my favorite city of the trip. If we thought Strasbourg had every street decorated, Colmar took it up a notch. Mini Christmas markets and stalls on almost every storybook street. Every narrow road was beautiful, the old houses leaning over the street and shining with decorations. We had such a good time exploring, everything picturesque and so many fun stalls and shops to look around. Eventually we stumbled upon a small café and stepped inside. It was exactly what you would picture a French café to be… small tables packed in, very busy, an old woman behind the counter bustling around making tea and coffee, art all over the walls. I had a delicious coffee, you had a limited edition French Christmas beer that was so good you made distressed noises every time you took as sip because you likely wouldn’t be able to find it again. We also had our best meal of the whole trip. Two chocolate éclairs and two incredible three cheese tarts later we blissfully floated back out the door. It’s called Au Croissant Dore. Go find it if you can!

Another score from Colmar was a gorgeous leather satchel bought from a Christmas market stall. It was heavily discounted because of a tiny spot in the leather, so now I have a new bag that will last me ages! I love it. It has lots of pockets and I feel like I’m ready for adventure with it on.

The next day was our castle day, cut short to one castle due to the rain. But it was a great one castle! After listening to so much Harry Potter in the car, it fit the Hogwarts picture in our head perfectly.

Instead of more castles, we drove through a few more lovely small French towns, just wandering (and searching for a good place to eat). We ultimately landed in Riquewihr, the most charming little one yet. We had dinner with some local wine in a small hotel next to a rather stern family, and then walked along the lantern lit streets. It felt like being transported back in time, or like walking through one of our D&D settings. You got a small square tapestry to hang on our wall. As we were leaving we ducked into a small bakery to take some macarons back to our Airbnb with us (they were delicious, except for the hazelnut, which tasted strangely like sandalwood cologne).

The next day was our last, and with a long drive ahead of us we stopped in Colmar one more time to eat at the café again, and pick up some fancy gold flake éclairs and lemon tarts for the way home. Both were, of course, the best of each we’ve ever had.

New years eve we spent with our good friends, playing a small and chaotic game of D&D, and then having a fire and counting down the seconds to the new year. We kissed as the fireworks went off and the church bells rang.

This was the most magical Christmas we’ve ever had. I cannot believe we got to spend it in France, I cannot believe how we get to do these things together. I love that we’re best friends. It’s so EASY to do these things with you. We have such good memories together, big and small. We can go on big trips together completely harmoniously, always on the same page, each others company only elevating the experience. Neither of us like to experience anything new without the other because it’s just not right! You are my partner in everything. Down to the small everyday bits.

I love when we get home after work and I’m sitting on the counter stirring whatever is on the stove, and you pour a beer and do some dishes while we catch up. I love that sometimes at bedtime we are talking and goofing around so much that we have to intentionally go back to back for us to get any sleep. I love that every night is a slumber party. I love that when I finished the video game I’d been playing for over a year we threw a Morrowind themed dinner party for ourselves to retire my character. I love that we have a record player that we can play our song on and dance in our living room together to it. I love cuddling with you and Livvy and even Margo, when she allows it. I love this life. I love you.

These years are flying. I’m trying really hard to savor every single day. It freaks me out how quickly things are going now that there’s so much joy in my life. I want to sink into every moment with you, feel it fully. As long as we’re speeding through the years together, it’s going to be alright. Look at all the stories we already have to tell!

Merry BirthNiversaryMasYear my love. As always, it was a good one.

[kierancampire]

I got Kayden a Gengar Oodie and showed mum just to make her aware of what I bought him in case anyone else gets it, she told me off as expected, but then she told me not spend money on her! The whole time we've been talking I am thinking "You have no idea I also got you one a few months ago" also looking at it, mine (I got in 2021) and Kaydens were £59, mums was £74 (really annoyingly it is also £59 now so I shoulda waited!) so the most expensive :') She's gonna be so mad on Christmas :')

Also honestly the one thing I look forward to around Christmas is either showing people their gifts without them knowing it to gauge their reaction on it, that's a classic. But I also love things like this, as I didn't lie! I still need to get other bits, and the other bits I want to get won't cost much, just some bath bits, I am planning to give mum an R&R kit essentially, so technically I told her the truth, the other bits I want to buy are cheap. I just intentionally worded it to avoid disclosing I already spent a lot on her XD I love working around clever wording on Christmas, it brings me such joy!

By the way, twice with mum now I have bought things for her, directly in front of her, then gave them to her without her realising, and she has had no idea how I have done it each time :') First time it was a set of three candles, second time it was this cute winter tea light holder set! I think these are the closest I get to pranks, so it just brings me so much joy to deceive people haha

[mycardinaltruth]

• Mom 2021 •

The older I got the more I realized how complex my relationship was with my Mother. Every Easter she woke us up with stuffed animals, candies and kisses. Every Christmas, she gave her all to get us what we wanted, even when that meant being on the Angel Tree, because gifts couldn't be afforded when we didn't even have a home or a car to call our own. Every birthday was celebrated with cake and candles. She even made time as a single mom to spend with us kids individually. There is no denying she loves me and my siblings. I know that she tried her version of her best for us. The issue was in that though, her best was distorted because she was hurt. The saying goes that hurt people, hurt people. She had experienced her own trauma in life and she had never healed from it. In turn she never saw her worth. So the cycle repeated. She left my Dad for better love and I watched my Dad's twisted resentment grow. In having to leave my Mother he left us too. Every attack he plotted against my mom devastated us also. My mom didn't find better love, instead she accepted the "love" she thought she deserved from men who would spit in her face and beat her mercilessly. I was forced to watch the abuse she endured and it killed me to see it and to not be able to do anything about it. I felt utterly helpless. She was my protector, or atleast she was supposed to be, but she couldn't even protect herself. I had to go where she went, and unfortunately she went right into the lion's den time and time again. Sometimes the lion bore a different mane, but the claw marks were just as brutal.

She never acknowledges those years or the effect it had on us kids. Only repeats to herself how amazing of a mother she was because we all survived.

As I got older I realized I was haunted by the memories of glasses being thrown across the kitchen and shattering to pieces around my mom. The image of bruises and scars ingrained into my adolescent brain. I was traumatized by the fear I lived in constantly. My sister and I both have nightmares where we feverishly pack to escape the end of the world, because once that was our reality. One night we had to pack and hide all of our belongings after he had beat my Mother to a blonde, bloody, bruised up mess and go stay in a motel. We quickly ripped the TV my mom was renting to own, from Rent-A-Center, from the wall and wrapped it in blankets to hide under my bed. I shoved all of my stuffed animals under my bunk with it worried that he'd tear them to shreds to spite me. We missed school. We were exhausted. Every beating she endured was a battle we had to fight also. My mother leaned on me. She called me her "rock" which I took to be a term of endearment as a child. Now I see it as abuse. I was too young to carry the burden of her issues and my own. I wasn't allowed to talk about mine either. I wasn't allowed to talk about how the abuse was affecting us.

When I was a teenager the urge to flee grew stronger. I was still using escapism to run from my issues and so it was no surprise that when grown men I met online wanted to throw me into their sexual fantasies, I was a willing participant. One man called me everyday after school, and he would tell me to do things to myself to get him off. I would pretend, but wouldn't actually do it most of the time. He had fantasies of brutalizing me, and my deranged perspective on life made me think this was normal, infact I saw this as special. He made me call him after I lost my virginity at 15 years old to recount to him every detail, so he could pretend it was him who had been inside of me. He still messages me from burner accounts over 10 years later, and it took me that long to realize this man was a predator, and I wasn't "worthy" of his "gracious adornment."

Being desired sexually was the first time I felt seen. So I gave my body away freely. I didn't even like the boys I let into me. I just thought they would make me like me.

I was wrong.

I stacked trauma on top of trauma.

Still I kept it all to myself. My issues were a burden to my mom and I felt as though I couldn't tell her. Her reaction to any issue I had was like adding another stressful situation to her pile that she already couldn't climb. Everything was overwhelming to her, so I was left alone with it all. Even though I was shown love, I couldn't imagine compassion for me when it came to the big things. I was never shown healthy ways of coping, so I dealt with my depression with a combination of self-loathing, sex, and writing. Most of the time, my journaling made me see myself as a sinner and drove my guilty conscience spirling into the interning doom I thought I was deserving of. I couldn't see past the guilt, so I kept repeating the same mistake. I slept with over a dozen guys before leaving high school. You would never have suspected it, though. I was a good kid. I made good grades and didn't get into trouble. My mom had enough stress and she vented to me about that stress, so I knew I couldn't add to it, and I would have felt even more guilty if I did.

I moved out with a guy I thought I loved when I was 19. Turned out I really just loved the way he took me away from home and told me I was pretty. It didn't take long for me to see that I deserved better, and so did he. So I packed my stuff and left. I moved into my own place, and that's when I immediately fell back into my self-loathing pattern and started sleeping with a coworker. I thought things would remain casual, but he was hungry for love and affection and would have taken it from any willing woman. This man became my husband, and once again, I mistook limerence for love. Like my mother before me, just 21 years old and married to a man from the same small private airport as my father had been working when my parents had met just over twenty years prior. He didn't know me and I didn't know him. Daily, he begged for handjobs while in the shower and saw me as little more than a means to climax and woman who could keep the house clean. His mother bargain hunted for baby furniture and clothing for a child I was neither ready nor willing to conceive. How could I have a child in the same position that my mother was once in and expect a different outcome? This time, I chose escapism in a different way, by dreaming up the best version of me I could be. So I left. By leaving behind a husband, a home, a career, i became someone else entirely. Someone that none of the men before would recognize. I spent over two years alone in order to heal these broken parts of me. I thought meditation and mindfulness would battle the demons for me, but it was much harder and much darker than that. It's something I am still working out. Healing, I have come to realize, is not linear. Forgiveness is the truest companion of peace. So, with great love, I learned how to forgive myself and my mother for the "mother wound" that had bound her to me. To accept that just as I had been so naive and so starved for affection, my mother had been also. The cord that joined her to me held the memory of generations of women who were begging me to fly. I heard their calls asking me to rise and to become, and it is with the voices of a hundred ancestors I speak my words today.

[has-bg-ended-yet]

Since we’re sharing theories I wanted to share mine. I think this might be an unpopular opinion but I think Eleanor and bbg are linked in some aspects - since the news about Louis being a dad came out Eleanor was was repeatedly brought up despite her and Louis being broken up and there was that article saying how Louis met up with her in person to tell the news and her being devastated (lmaoo) because she always thought her and Louis would be have kids together. I know Eleanor has not been involved in bbg at all, like at all. No pictures of her with Freddie and Louis unlike with Danielle, in fact when it was known Louis was travelling to LA to be with Freddie Eleanor would make sure to post to show she’s in London or literally anywhere else just not LA. Since she came back in 2017 we have no content of her with Freddie and with the way Louis has talked in interviews it sounded like he split time between Eleanor and Freddie and he didn’t spend time with them together. Also I think bbg was involved in the end of Elounor 🫣 during ltwt whenever Louis had a break from tour he would fly to LA and the only time he went to the uk it was for Glastonbury not for Eleanor lmao. And even though she was at Glastonbury as well from the pictures and videos we got it seemed like he was already checked out lmao she was trying to talk to him (guessing she was trying to “save” their relationship???) there was no evidence of a ‘relationship’ between them and in the bua they said the split was because of tour (same excuse as 2015 🥱) and then said “other things went down between them” and that made me go 👁️👁️ when I first read it and idk why but my mind immediately went to bbg and the way she was during LA night one when Freddie was there… she did not interact with him at all despite him being in the same section as her she stayed with her friend and didn’t even smile and wave at her boyfriend of 5 years kid… 💀also Christmas 2021 Eleanor didn’t spend it in Doncaster as she usually does and the only thing that was different was the fact that Freddie was there… she posted herself in Louis’ house to show she was still in London and then wished him happy birthday and called him baby and mentioned him which she hasn’t done before but still didn’t go down to Doncaster. Once again publicly showing she wants nothing to do with Freddie and has no interest at all being around him. So that and then her behaviour during LA night one plus the footage from the documentary showing Louis being only focused on Freddie backstage leads me to believe Freddie was a massive reason for the end of Elounor. I have no proof of this and nothing to back this up but I think Eleanor doesn’t think Freddie is Louis’ biological son 🧘🏽‍♀️ and I think that might be brought up once bbg ends but I don’t think Eleanor will be directly mentioned. So to summarise I think Elounor ending means bbg is ending sooner rather than later. Alsoo when Freddie came to Doncaster for Christmas in 2021 I told my friend within the next 2 years Elounor is going to be done and I was right lmao so I think with bbg it will end within the next two years as well

Hello!

Despite all of the proofs about the kid not being his, one of the thing that would make me go ‘maybe??’ if I believed in it it’s the fact that Eleanor, his girlfriend for so many years, didn’t care for his son at all.

There was a moment I thought they were ending both things months apart. An article would appear about Elounor break up with some rumours of ‘Louis is heartbroken since his girlfriend didn’t accept his child and has been telling him to take a pat test, which caused them to break up’ and them the article about bg ending. (I mention articles a lot because famous people use them to announce something/say something without saying it, so a close source is mentioned.)

And I don’t know if they’ll mention people telling him to take a dna the past years or they’ll end it without giving context, but it’s an option! But yes, I agree with you ending it in the next 2 years!

[heartbrake-hotel]

I posted 2,911 times in 2022

That's 2,911 more posts than 2021! 😳

10 posts created (0%)

2,901 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@presleyonfilm

@star-shard

@karamelcoveredolicity

@troubleinapinksuit

I tagged 1,938 of my posts in 2022

Only 33% of my posts had no tags

#fave - 193 posts

#art - 85 posts

#laugh tag - 77 posts

#🌺 - 16 posts

#long ref - 15 posts

#🔒 - 14 posts

#mine - 10 posts

#👉👉 - 9 posts

#🦇 - 7 posts

#things to never lose - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#right on the heels of a very beautiful reminder that even deeply flawed personas deserve respect if not love given to telling their stories

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Lol I read your tags on the Las Vegas text post and I’m thinking no longer than half an hour realistically 😅 but I googled it and it would actually be longer for a 30+ man but for him being a sex symbol and horny af I’m thinking it could be even be 20 minutes 😂

BHAHAHAHHA GOOD im glad someone saw that 😅😅 cmon elvis the people need ANSWERS,, this is for SCIENCE

but yes exactly like i read the research ik what the most probable answer would be from a human bio standpoint but im afraid the typical male anatomy does not account for ep's specific brand of Massively Horny 😔

so good good im glad to hear you agree.! ideally i was thinking three over the course of maybe a couple hours so that seems reasonable💫 and also post-show which uhh. historically seems to have.. dare i say Increased his libido😳

of course if that had been too frequent it wouldn't have been a hassle to incorporate some edging instead oop

5 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

#4

for the first question of the elvis ask game bc i am incapable of Shutting Up;

"When and what was your first exposure to Elvis Presley?"

like literally i could Not in good conscience let this extend my original answer post ohhhh my god 😅😅 but also i quite like the story and want it recorded for selfish purposes so if you are for Some Reason interested...... here she is

my mom really loves elvis (some of you might know this already). she's from alabama, and growing up her dad (who died p young) really liked him (though my gramma still insists "he always did a little too much of that... jigglin' for my taste"). she remembers her father let her stay home from school on august 17th, 1977, because she was so distraught after hearing about elvis the afternoon before. that day after was a wednesday and she was 10 years old. she says it was practically a public day of mourning in the south.

on the other hand my mom is also deeply catholic and experienced a great moral terror surrounding media consumption upon having me, her oldest, bc she was afraid that if my first word had been "margaritaville" she would have had to answer to god for the depravation of my immortal soul :/ and no that's not a joke she literally thought that about jimmy buffet. so we didn't, uh. have music in my house as a kid. my mom had one (1) bruce springsteen cd i wasn't allowed to listen to, and my dad had one (1) johnny cash cassette that i WAS. other than that the only music we had around was the soundtracks in movies and a lot of gregorian chant. and the one copy of the high school musical deluxe edition soundtrack that i got for christmas in 2006 and my sister and i literally wore the ribbon out of bc we were so starved for Tunes dfghs so i actually. had no idea my mom liked elvis she never listened to his music around me or brought him up.

aaaand then in.. 2009 or 2010 (i had to look up the release date of justin bieber's baby to verify this Holy Shit), i went away to sleepaway camp for the first time. it was an art, science, and technology camp at my dad's alma mater (and eventually mine❤) in my parent's hometown, a couple hours away. i stayed with my dad's parents instead of on campus, but it was still A Big Deal growing-up-wise. and my mom sent me a care package while i was there, with a postcard to read for every day of the week i was gone.

they were all pictures of elvis and i had No Idea Why.

i thought maybe she was just being, like. fun and kitschy.?? idk i was a weird kid who had a weird mom, it was easy to rationalize. and she didn't address it at all until the third postcard, when she said she had thought about finding stationary i would like to write these on but instead she decided to give me something precious to her, these elvis postcards she'd had lying around since she was a girl. because of how, you know, she loved elvis so much.

WELL, NO. NO MOM, I DID NOT "KNOW."

up until this point the only defining knowledge i had of elvis could be summarized by the epic rap battle of history vs michael jackson, which contains such lyrical marvels as "here's a tip - don't swallow a bucket of drugs so you won't die on the toilet dropping hunks of burning love," and "well, i may have died on the shitter but i don't give a crap, you ain't got half the badass battle raps that i have." yes i Did type those out from memory. i'm sure i'd heard elvis' music before (i had seen lilo and stitch at least once, after all) but if you had asked me to name even one of his songs at that time i don't think i could've done it. i simply hadn't conceptualized him beyond the vague image of a white jumpsuit and the words "thank ya, thank ya very much." but my mother expressing ANY sort of interest in a celebrity or pop culture at large was Absolutely Shocking, and i was determined to take advantage of this moment by seeing what the hype was all about.

so i went downstairs to my grandparent's basement pc and typed "elvis" into the google search bar. that was it. just "elvis." not "elvis presley," not "elvis songs," not "who the hell was elvis and does an interest in him make my mother lame or cool?" just "elvis." :)

and then he opened his mouth and heaven started pouring out.

and the first video that came up was the rapid city unchained melody performance. i watched the video, and i almost immediately had this absolutely overwhelming outpouring of love for this man on the screen. he slurred out "unchained melody. from an album called unchained melody. makes a lot of sense. ok" and i remember thinking that that "ok" had sounded so SMALL. he sounded like a lost little boy. and then that maternal instinct immediately fled my 12-year-old body and i scoffed like a tweenybopping little bitch and thought from how tiny he sounded he couldn't possibly have had a voice worth listening to.

i had never heard the song before (though i was immediately struck by its.. well, melody). i didn't know he was struggling with a drug habit, and i didn't know it had been filmed shortly before his death and would eventually come to be seen as the crowning final jewel in the midst of years of muddy decline. all i knew was that this man looked like he should've been in a hospital instead of on a stage, pouring sweat, minutes away from toppling backwards off the piano bench, and despite all of that... he was making the most devastatingly beautiful music i had ever heard. his voice was so strong, so clear, and i was once again baffled that a voice like that could be coming out of his visibly ailing body. i thought about how beautiful it was that he was giving so much of himself to perform this song when he looked like he didn't even have it in him to make it another couple of days. and i thought he was the most beautiful man i had ever seen in my life for doing it. it was like i had the word "beautiful" running on loop in my head. the only thought i had was "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful," over and over again until the song finished.

i didn't even realize i was crying until my gramma (who was just about deaf and had been two floors above me and on the other side of the house) came down to check on me. i remember her coming to stand at the foot of the basement steps and looking at me really carefully, asking if i was ok. and i had never heard her sound worried before ever so i took my headphones off and opened my mouth to ask her what she meant, and i realized i couldn't talk because i was so violently sobbing. apparently i had been shaking, hugging myself, and rocking back and forth for the duration of the video and was so insularly focused on elvis i hadn't even known it. dramatic ass bitch

eventually i calmed down enough to tell my gramma i didn't know who elvis was but i was having a breakdown about him anyway, and it felt really weird because a man i wasn't even invested in had just changed my life maybe bc that's about how big what i was feeling was. she just said "ok. do you want to feel that more or less?" so she sat there with me and i watched the video three or four more times and thought he was just angelic. not in the cheesy "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" way but like there was literally something of the divine about him. and i sat there at the computer desk and cried myself out and eventually about forty minutes later said "ok now i would like to feel less" so she told me on the news that morning had been a performance by a boy about my age and did i know who justin bieber was. this was probably a leading question because it was statistically likely i was wearing a my world 2.0 t-shirt at this time, but it gave me an opportunity to show a 70-year-old the baby music video and also to explain what a youtuber was and my emotional range normalized again.

and then that depth of emotion was so uncomfortably strong and i was so unequipped to deal with it as a kid that i shoved it down and learned hound dog and blue suede shoes and can't help falling in love and then totally disavowed myself of Anything elvis for a decade. or at least that's what i thought i was doing but also i loved dion and the belmonts on one end of the relevant temporal spectrum and frankie valli and the four seasons on the other and my favorite movie was bye bye birdie (the 1995 tv one with jason alexander tho not the '63 version sorry ammo) and i spent a Lot of time reading about buddy holly's life story so uh. MAYHAPS I WAS ALWAYS PRIMED FOR THIS.

and then baz luhrmann bashed me on the head with a sledgehammer and it hit my reset button and now here i am✨

6 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#3

If I had a nickel for every time they made a movie where the plot was "Elvis is in love with his brother's girlfriend, and eventually his brotherly love tops the homicidal sibling instinct but a lot of violence happens first, and also the brother is left traumatized because Elvis eats it at the end" .. I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

9 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#2

have just been informed by my grandma that my mom's bridal shower was elvis-themed.!

extremely bold of her to be engaged to another man yet publicly dedicate her party to known sex symbol elvis presley.. im incredibly into it honestly

something something baby seasons change😌

21 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

if you're looking to have a calm and emotionally stable day i have a very important tip for you - i recommend you do NOT listen to the wild in the country soundtrack and recontextualize it in your head.

do NOT listen to this song that's clearly meant to be about a breakup but imagine the lyrics as a love letter from elvis to his fans from beyond the grave DONT DO IT,

If I should go, forget me never

Please say that you'll remember me

I pray the dreams we share together

Will shine on in your memory

Each time a star falls out of heaven

It leaves the sky a deeper blue

So if we part, forget me never

And don't forget my love for you

And don't forget my love for you

⚠️ this has been a psa

50 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thelongdrawnoutstory]

Peace After A Narcissist...

I guess to say I found peace is an understatement, I found myself. In December 2020,I met a guy who we will call T. In the beginning everything was great, he moved in to my place in April 2021, looking back now that shouldve been my first red flag, he was all the sudden homeless, but right before that he had told me he wanted to marry me and have a good life with me. So after some conversation he moved in. Things were great, outside of him not having a job, after 1 month of not having one he got a new job, that was close to the house- he was telling me he was excited he could have his lunch breaks with me as we both worked close by. Then he started staying at his cousins house 4 nights a week and stopped talking to me as much. We argued over the changes that were happening, around this time I found out I may have ovarian cancer. The drs were running the tests. I told him I couldnt handle the stress of the bs fights he was starting anymore. Then he came home. At the end of June he was arrested riding a bike to some girls house after I had went to bed, I didnt know at the time that was where he was headed, he said then that he was going to work on music with his cousins. I believed it at stupidly bailed him out of jail on 5 year old warrants. Things were good for a while, but i caught him cheating. He told me he would never do it again and it was a mistake. I believed him. In November we moved to a different place, started planning for what was next. I had a surgery scheduled for January to remove the ovaries. Christmas was when things escalated, I went to christmas with my family and he didnt want to go. I came home to him drunk, the next 2 days he stayed drunk started physically abusing me, claiming that instead of going to my grandparents I was with another man. Once again, I fell for the im sorry i wont do it again routine that i had grown to know well. Then my surgery, I was supposed to be off work for 2 weeks, he wasnt working again so he was saying he would help me while i heal. His version of helping me heal was to have his cousin and 2 females at my house while i was asleep from all the medications. At this point I was so in love with him I didnt see what was happening and I was scared to question things as he had hit my before. Then things were quiet for about 5 weeks, then it was my birthday, he beat me that day, most peoples 30th birthday is spent with friends, mine was trying to figure out how to cover the inevitable bruises coming up. I called the cops that day, running out of my house with no shoes on and going down the street to meet the cops. They didnt arrest him, the original officer said it couldve been worse. He got a ticket. In April, I had another surgery, this time it was a hysterectomy, I would be down for almost 6 weeks. 5 days post op he grabbed me by my hair and pushed me into the car because he had to go to court and didnt want to go alone. During the next 5 weeks, it became a regular thing of this happening. I had begun sleeping on the couch as I didnt want to sleep with him and he had already shown me he wasnt going to listen to the drs orders of no s*x. I went to sit up while he was yelling at me for sleeping on the couch and pulled a stitch I said ow, and he told me i deserved the pain i was in. and I still didnt leave... until May, He got my car stolen, while i was at home waiting for the guy he had sold me to for an hour. At this point I hit my rock bottom, I had a good job, made decent money yet here I was broke because all my money went to him, I hadnt seen my friends or family in months because they didnt like him, and he told me i couldnt go without him. On May 27th, 2022, I got fed up and went to a friends house, she had stuck by me despite me being a bad friend, We had fun, just talked and played a video game, what she didnt know was, I was finally listening to her, I had told him to leave, the house was mine and in my name, the utilities, everything. He sent me a message saying he was gone, and around 11pm I went home, ready to sleep in my own bed without having to worry.