#i guess the real lesson here is to be wary

[dreadfutures]

wrote this up in a flurry after this post today

This is noncanonical but based on vibes and certain things from the DA4 stuff + Tevinter Nights, so if you’re wary of that, stay out! :)

For @dadrunkwriting

AU: #shadows in the sun: first lifetime!Ixchel Lavellan survives her poison and continues to fight.

- Ixchel has been incredibly depressed since Corypheus’s defeat. Few people, if any, have seen her smile in the past several years. Ixchel was trained as a two-handed Champion in DAI. - unnamed Crow Rook for this one is she/her I guess. - shameless Princess Bride reference.

It had been Rook’s idea when they first all got together: each member of the team had unique strengths, unique skills, and they needed to share. Emmrich and Bellara shared a day, but Neve, Harding, Taash, Lucanis, Davrin, and Rook had their own time to hold the team captive and impart their skills one way or another. Emmrich and Bellara’s lessons skewed to the academic—or esoteric, at least—in regards to the challenges the Veilguard faced across Thedas and in battle, while the others tended to focus on combat.

Rook supposed she had done a good job of instilling discipline in the team, because despite the Inquisitor’s surprise arrival the night before, everyone had gathered in the dining hall bright and early for Lucanis’s hour of instruction. The table and chairs had been cleared to give them space to spar, presumably, and he had scrounged up a bunch of practice swords from… somewhere. Perhaps their last trip to Minrathous? Or maybe he’d had Davrin whittle them to shape.

Either way, Lucanis had set aside the knives for this week’s lesson and was going to put them through their paces in dueling. It wasn’t really Rook’s cup of tea; her role as a Crow usually saw her in protection details, or infiltrating marks’ inner circles in far less flashy ways. But like any good Crow, a rapier felt at home in her hand and she was not about to let Lucanis Dellamorte accuse her of growing rusty.

One thing Rook had offered to get her team on board with the potentially embarrassing and exhausting training schedule was that Rook would always go first. Break the ice, make a fool of herself, serve as an example, whatever it might be for the day.

Today’s session began with a surprisingly polite duel. Lucanis went slow, using her as an example and pausing frequently to explain things to the rest of the crew. Every time he gave her that look, she dutifully froze, and tried not to let it show how her heart swelled with pride and something else when he pointed out aspects of her stance or how she had struck her blows.

By the end she was quite ready for a real duel, but Lucanis simply gave her a cordial bow and beckoned Neve up for her turn.

Disappointed, Rook went to go get some water from the pitcher someone had brought, and as she straightened up again she was surprised to find the Inquisitor watching their lesson from the doorway. No one had noticed her, apparently, but she was not making any particular effort to be hidden. After a moment of debate, Rook went over to greet her.

“They’ve taken to calling him a mage killer,” Ixchel Lavellan mused in her raspy voice, not looking away from the training session even once. “They give you a fun name?”

Rook scoffed. “They don’t do such things for someone from the cuchillos.”

Ixchel’s eyebrows raised by just a hair, lashes flickering only slightly. She still kept her milky eyes—the eyes of a dead woman, Rook was still unnerved by them—on the lesson. “But you’re not just someone from the cuchillos,” she said. “Not if you’re here.”

Rook shrugged at that. “You were at one point just someone,” she said. “So they say.”

“So they say,” Ixchel echoed and fell silent. Rook understood the conversation was over, but she stayed there at the Inquisitor’s side for the remainder of the training session. It felt… wrong, to leave the Herald of Andraste to stand by herself in the back of a room with no pomp or circumstance.

Rook’s presence at the door did draw the eyes of the others after a while, and it was amusing to see how their spines straightened when they realized just who was watching.

The only person who didn’t immediately start to sweat was Harding, who by rights should have been the most nervous, going last. Rook didn’t know Harding’s full history with the Inquisitor, but she had heard the Inquisitor threaten Harding were she to ever talk about “the elfroot thing,” so Rook assumed the two young women knew each other at a level far beyond the facade of Herald.

Harding performed excellently with Lucanis, who had truly put everyone through their paces. Lucanis even gave her a rare compliment: “Quick study!” that made Harding snicker.

She wiped sweat from her eyes and shot a breathless grin over at Lavellan. “Gotta be quick to keep up with her,” she said good-naturedly.

“See, that’s why I slowed down,” Lavellan quipped in return. She shifted her weight coolly from one side to the other, raising her short left arm with a teasing air. “Got to give everyone a fighting chance.”

“Oh really?” Harding asked, putting one hand on her hip. “I don’t believe that for a second, ‘Chel. C’mon.”

Before anyone could react, she had tossed the practice sword across the room—and Ixchel Lavellan caught it in her right hand.

“Good luck, buddy,” Harding said cheerfully to Lucanis, who frowned in confusion.

Ixchel’s first step had a note of hesitance in it, but it seemed that one step was enough to convince her not to back down. She shouldered past Harding without a trace of hard feelings, making Harding grin, and squared off with Lucanis.

Harding took her place by Rook. “Don’t go easy on her, Dellamorte,” Harding called. “And I know he’s pretty, Lavellan, but don’t go easy on him either.”

Lucanis put a hand on his chest and gave Harding a sweeping bow. “I accept the compliment. I think.”

“In guardia?” Ixchel asked, the tip of her wooden sword hanging supernaturally still in the air. Even Taash’s had floated, uncertain of what mark to take; Lavellan had chosen hers and would not waver. Her arm was strong, Rook noted.

Rook also noted that Ixchel was practiced in Antivan.

“Never leave a lady waiting, Dellamorte,” Rook called. “What would your grandmother say?”

Lucanis gave her a dirty look but quickly turned his attention back to Ixchel.

“In guardia,” Rook said loudly, and Lucanis took up his position. “Pronti?” The duelists nodded each. “A voi.”

The Inquisition’s money had not gone to waste, Rook thought as the duel began; they had afforded some of the best combat instructors—and language teachers, and etiquette lessons, and probably everything—to make the Inquisitor into a force to be reckoned with on any stage or field. Even in skirts as she wore now, she moved with confidence and sure feet and never became entangled. Her reflexes were lightning quick, responding with both precision and grace to every salvo and overture Lucanis pitched.

“Lucky that she didn’t lose her dominant hand,” Rook said quietly, and Harding made a surprised sound.

“Oh, no,” she said. “Inquisitor Lavellan was left handed.” She gave Rook a laughing smile. “I’ll be sure to let her know you couldn’t tell. She’ll be stoked.”

Rook stared at the fight with new appreciation, nay, admiration. Lucanis and Ixchel had each scored a point, and both had fixed expressions of deadly concentration on their faces as they sought the upper hand. It was hard to track the movement of Ixchel’s eyes, clouded over from what Rook had been told was some illness, but apparently it made no difference to her ability to see; in contrast, Lucanis’s eyes darted all over the place, imagining where blows could begin and end, ready for any inevitability. He flitted about like a bird, but Ixchel moved like the breeze that carried him and blocked every move.

It took a few more trades for Rook to realize Lucanis had indeed stopped holding back. His thrusts were more decisive, carried more weight behind them, but it made no difference. Ixchel’s footwork was solid, and her parries exacting.

Someone had trained her very well indeed.

Ixchel batted aside Lucanis’s next blow and then stepped closer, foot hooking behind his ankle to tug him briefly off-balance. He landed flat-footed with his arm outstretched and Ixchel tucked neatly against his chest, her rapier choked beneath his chin.

By all rights, the match was won, but Ixchel simply blew a stray lock of his hair out of his face, then spun away under his arm and took up her position just a sword’s length away, ready for another round.

Lucanis was starting to breathe heavily, and when he sank into a stance now, it was not the formal academic dueling stance he had been practicing with before.

Ixchel adjusted her grip with a smirk that twisted her scarred face gruesomely, tossing her hair.

“A voi,” she said herself, and Lucanis launched at her like a hawk whistling toward its prey.

“Oh-ho, there she is!” Harding crowed, and the rest of the Veilguard turned to gawk at her for a moment before gluing themselves back to the match. But Rook knew what Harding meant, and why the shock of it all had overcome her to the point of shouting. This wasn’t the practice duel it had started as—it wasn’t even an exhibition. This was a no-holds-barred sparring match.

A legend against a legend.

“You must expect me to attack with Capoferro,” Lucanis teased, lunging forward with his arm extended.

“Naturally,” Ixchel replied quickly, stepping off the line of his strike, “but I find that Thibault cancels out Capoferro.”

She gave Lucanis’s free hand, extended for balance, a whap on the knuckles for good measure, and he swiftly drew his arm behind his back. Ixchel grinned now that they were matched, arm for arm, and went on a swift offensive. She drove Lucanis back several steps before he caught a second wind, ducking under her arm to drive his sword toward her undefended rib.

Both of Ixchel’s feet left the floor as she threw herself around his side, staying firmly out of reach of his blade and never once giving him her back even as she placed herself at his.

She could not get far behind him, and he twisted lithely on the spot to thrust up again at her from his almost-kneeling position. She stepped closer, narrowly dodging the tip of his blade, and brought her elbow down on the soft spot between his shoulder and neck.

He grunted in pain but did not buckle, executing instead an elegant backward roll to put more space between them.

“You have a lot of tricks, for a Chevalier,” he said, the strain in his voice perhaps evident only to Rook.

Ixchel threw her head back and laughed. It was a surprisingly girlish sound and reminded Rook that the Herald was young, younger than Harding. The suspicious jab from Lucanis hit Ixchel like the height of flattery, and as her laughter eased, the smile on her face was genuine.

“You’re not the first Crow who’s tried to take down the Inquisitor,” she said, wiping her temple on her the sleeve of her lost arm. “And I am no Chevalier.” Her smile turned fierce as she squared off again. “I am a Champion.”

A subtle motion at Rook’s side drew her gaze, and she found Harding covering her mouth. Her eyes were shining with tears, but she was trying to hide a smile.

She caught Rook looking and blinked rapidly. “No one’s heard her laugh in years,” she whispered. “I haven’t seen her smile in… In…”

She glanced back at Ixchel, who was utterly focused on wearing Lucanis’s stamina down with unrelenting, precise, and forceful advances.

“Since the Exalted Council?” Rook guessed quietly.

“Since Corypheus,” Harding admitted.

Rook’s blood went cold at the thought of so many mirthless years—a thought made even heavier by the grief in Harding’s own voice. “We did our best,” Harding said. “We’re really friends, but… No matter what friends you add, they never replace the ones you lose, do they? And she… lost more than most. Every friend she’d ever had.”

Pieces of the puzzle named Ixchel Lavellan, the Dalish Herald of Andraste, leader of a Chantry Inquisition, were slotting into place in Rook’s mind, and she did not like the picture. “That was ten years ago,” Rook murmured. “She was just a kid.”

“We both were,” Harding admitted. “But I had a family to write home to, a place to return to if I wanted after everything was over, and she— she…”

“Had nothing.”

Rook clenched her fists.

At one point in her life, she would have considered the Crows her family. No matter what personal grief might befall her out in the field, as long as she did her job, she had open arms to return to.

That time in her life was over. The Crows viewed her as nothing more than a tool to be discarded when her usefulness ran out, and she was glad to be out from under any contracts or expectations from her House. The Veilguard looked to her as a leader, yes, but as a friend too—a friend whose affection and support wasn’t contingent on continued usefulness.

When this was all over, Rook had started to have fond thoughts of the life she’d lead. Maybe she’d go dragon hunting with Taash. Or check out that whole cheese farming situation Harding had joked about.

She had options. Comfortable options. Confident options.

But Rook knew what had happened to the Inquisitor after the Inquisition. How she had arrived to the Exalted Council unaccompanied. How one by one her former allies had departed for parts unknown, or to take up positions of influence across Thedas.

How she had left the Council robbed of her arm and her power and returned to a Skyhold soon to be emptied.

Lucanis and Ixchel tumbled to the ground with a pair of surprised and delighted shouts. Rook had been so lost in thought that she hadn’t seen who’d won, but they were helping each other up now, dusting off—Lucanis caught Rook staring, and sent a smile her way over the top of the Inquisitor’s head.

The Inquisitor had slowed to a stop, her shoulders hunched mid-way as she froze just before straightening. She had only just realized how everyone in the Veilguard was gaping at her.

Her eyes swept across their upturned faces, to Rook, and then to Lace. An inscrutable emotion clouded her torn face, and she swiftly turned, gave Lucanis a bow, and handed him her practice sword—before sweeping out of the room.

“I’ll go talk to her,” Harding said, and rushed out after her.

“Alright, team,” Rook said without pause. “Good work today. Go clean up, we’ll take lunch, and then put our heads together about that intel we got about the Qun’s research.”

With such a no-nonsense tone, it was no surprise the Veilguard heeded her immediately. They scrambled, leaving Lucanis to pick up the practice swords and reset the dining room by himself.

Rook considered leaving, given how their last private encounter had gone, but… It would be rude, and she still couldn’t bring herself to be outright rude to Lucanis Dellamorte. She allowed herself a small sigh before she re-affixed her teasing smile and sauntered over to Lucanis to ask him who the real winner had been.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LUNATIC PARADE ;; Care for Vampire ー Tsukinami Shin

Source: Diabolik Lovers Lunatic Parade

Seiyuu: Morikubo Shoutaro

Audio: Here

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

“Phew...Having you guys huddled up around me really helps me relax.”

His Familiars whine.

“All you guys need to do is keep me warm with that soft fur of yours. By lying down like this, it’ll help my injuries heal quicker as well.”

The Familiars seem worried.

“I get why you guys are worried about your Master but...Oh.”

*Rustle rustle*

“Right. I forgot the biggest worrywart of all is sitting over here. ...Oi, why do you look as if you’re going to burst out into tears any second now?”

You deny it.

“You’ve been pacing back and forth the room this whole time. Relax a little, will you?”

*Rustle*

“Well. You’re the only woman who has the right to be worried about me like that though.”

You ask about his injuries.

“Eh? These injuries? You could say I was simply overpowered. I was going to just head straight home when I ran into this pesky group of Vampires. They got on my nerves so I figured I’d show them a lesson real quick, but there some of them wouldn’t give in so easily. 

Although I’ll admit that I might have underestimated them a little because they’re an inferior race. I got scratched up pretty bad around my collarbone, and look at me now. This hurts quite a bit, you know?”

Che! I can’t believe some shitty Vampires had the nerve to bare their fangs at me. It seriously pisses me off.”

You tell him not to be so reckless.

“This has nothing to do with being reckless. Besides, those guys are to blame. How dare they be there when I’m just trying to head back. Besides, aren’t you happier when I come home early as well?”

You nod.

“See? Hence why I needed to chase them away sooner rather than later.”

You offer to tend to his wounds.

“Disinfect...? Don’t tell me, you’re thinking of putting some kind of medicine on me?”

You nod.

“I’m a Founder, so I don’t need any of that.”

You insist.

“Disfinectant, huh? I honestly don’t need that sort of stuff but well...if you’re gonna make that face, then go ahead and do as you please, I guess?”

*Rustle rustle*

You grab the disinfectant.

“Ah-ahー Look at that huge smile on your face. Are you really that happy you get to treat my wounds? ...Well, not that I’m complaining.

You return to his side.

*Thud*

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I just gotta sit still, right?”

*Psh psh*

“Ugh...H-Hey!”

*Groooowl*

“That stuff smells really strong, you know?”

You tell him it can’t be helped.

“But you know...The Wolves are wary of it as well. They don’t like the stench of that medicine. 

ーー You guys can go now. I’ll be fine.”

The Familiars protest.

“Come on, off you go.”

The Wolves run away.

“Wolves have a sensitive sense of smell. I’d feel bad for having them stick around any longer. When they get injured, they’ll tend to each other’s wounds by licking them, so they’re obviously not used to the concept of mediciーー Ah.

...You should do that as well.”

You seem surprised.

“You know, instead of using the medicine, you should disinfect my wounds by licking them.”

You protest.

“Oh come on, why are you freaking out like that? You want to tend to my wounds, right? In that case, come on...Right here.”

*Rustle*

“You have to disinfect it with your tongue. Understood?”

You shake your head.

“And why can’t you, huh? You’d rather have me stay injured then? I mean, I won’t deny that they’d heal even without any treament. But until they do, I’d have to endure the pain the whoooole time, you know? So you don’t mind prolonging my suffering, huh?”

*Rustle*

“For one, are the kind of girl who would just turn a blind eye to a person in need? ...Right, Yui?”

You grow flustered.

“...Embarrassing, huh? Haah...Right when I was starting to warm up to the idea of having you tend to my wounds. You’ve disappointed me. Are your feelings for me really that shallow?”

You insist that you do care for him. 

“...Then you can do it, right? Come on, scoot closer. Make sure to show it through your actions. So it becomes clear to me.”

*Rustle rustle*

“Yeah, just like that. Seems like you’ve finally made up your resolve. ...Hehe. Your cheeks are become more and more flushed. Nice, I’m really digging that expression. Seeing your tongue peek out from between your lips really does something to me...”

*Rustle rustle*

“There you go, you did it.”

You sigh in relief.

“Eh? You weren’t going to stop there, were you? Come on, you have to lick all the way along the cuts, okay?”

You protest again.

“I mean, you’re in charge of their treatment, so you have to disinfect them all, right? I’m asking you for help. ーー I can count on you, right? Yui.”

You nod.

“Exactly. Now you’re talking. I actually like it quite a bit when you’re obedient like that.”

*Rustle rustle*

“There we go...You can go nice and slow.”

*Rustle*

“Exactly. Nice going, nn...”

*Rustle*

“Heh, you actually managed to do it, see? ...Well, it was a little sloppy at times. ーー Well then, should I give this good girl a reward now?”

*Rustle*

“...There. Who’s a good girl?”

He pats your head.

*Rustle rustle*

“Eh? You don’t like it when I stroke your head?”

You shake your head.

“Haha. I know. You always get all flustered when I praise you, don’t you?”

You avert your gaze.

“Bull’s eye? You’re so easy to figure out, heh.”

*Rustle*

“...But you know, I don’t dislike how you’re so transparant.”

You close your eyes.

“That’s why I’ll spoil you even more today. Nn...”

*Smooch*

“Nn...Nnh...”

*Rustle*

“Come on, don’t try to get away...You like it when I kiss you, don’t you?”

You reluctantly nod.

“Hehehe, right? ...To prove my point, I can feel how you’re gradually relaxing in my embrace...”

*Rustle*

“Nn...Phew...It feels good, right? It’s written all over your face...”

You try to get away again.

“Oh come on, look at you trying to escape again...I’m showing my love for you here, so why won’t you just accept it...? Nn...”

*Smooch*

*Thud*

“...Woah. That was close. Seems like you’re too much into the kiss, your legs have given in.”

*Rustle rustle*

“It’s fine. Just keep sitting on top of me like that, it works perfectly anyway. I was just feeling a little cold because I sent the Wolves away. ...So why don’t we warm up each other with our bodies?”

*Rustle*

“Oh? You still want to struggle in vain? ーー But you know. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice that you’re totally in the mood as well?”

*Rustle rustle*

“Here. You should get rid of these unnecessary layers of clothing as well. Come on, start by unbuttoning your shirt. ...Are your hands shaking because you’re nervous perhaps? ーー Aah, geez. Guess I have no other choice. I’ll take them off for you instead.”

You close your eyes.

“Nn...All while kissing you like this, okay? Hehe...I wonder what your face will look like once all your clothes have come off? Right, Yui?”

*Smooch*

ーー THE END ーー

[helpimhyperfixating]

A Writer’s Trouble - Jotaro x Reader

Word Count: 3353

You were a writer. Quietly in class just writing whatever scenes came to your head when the material being taught was too complicated for you to understand or too boring. And at home, you busied yourself with fanfiction every now and then. When you enjoy shows, why not write some fan content for them right?

"Miss Y/N!"

The sound of your name being called made you shoot up in your seat, eyes wide.

All eyes of the class were on you, the teacher holding a stern expression. "That better be notes that you are taking." She crossed her arms and your cheeks started to burn slightly while you frantically nodded, not finding your voice to verbally answer. Clearly the teacher was not convinced by the look she gave you, but she just let it slide and continued on with the lesson.

After what felt like forever, the bell rung for lunch and as you were starting to pack up, suddenly two people surrounded your little table. Looking up, you saw two girls who were notoriously popular standing next to you. One sat down in the seat next to you while the other dragged a chair in front of your table and sat down right in front of you, a sweet smile on her face.

"Hi!" The one in front started and you leaned back a little.

"H-Hi?"

"We noticed you were writing something in class and we were just curious what."

This made you blink a few times in surprise. Why would they be interested in what a random girl is writing? "Why?"

This time, the one sitting next to you spoke up. "Well you see, I've been having trouble finding books I like recently. The ones in the school library are not really what I want but I snuck a peek of what you were doing in class just now and your writing seemed really good!" This caused a small blush to erupt on your cheeks. Not only because of the random compliment that came out of nowhere, but more so because of the fact she read what you had been writing. During class you were bored and your mind had drifted so you had written a random romantic scenario, and now she had read that?

"O-Oh?" You squeaked. She gave you a grin and you swallowed. "Uhm, thanks I guess."

"Could I read more?"

The question caught you off guard and to be honest, you just wanted to have lunch. But it seemed like you were going to have to eat it here with these two cause they didn't seem to have any intent to go away.

"Sure..." You weren't too comfortable with sharing most of your writing but there were a few random scenes and scenarios you thought these two would enjoy that you didn't mind sharing. You saw them every morning in the gaggle hanging around Kujo so you figured they'd like some cheesy romantic stuff. Bending down to sift through your bag, you got out your map/folder filled with pages that held the scenes and sifted through them, pulling out a few. "Here but do-" they were snatched from your hands before you could finish your sentence. "...be careful with them."

"Of course, of course." They both just dismissively waved and started reading them. At least they didn't run off with them, that was a plus.

You still had no idea what they were up to and you figured it wasn't to suddenly make friends with you. But you always had a hard time turning people down and they were acting nice to you, so why shouldn't you act nice back?

While they read you just got your lunch out of your bag and started eating it. You had nothing better to do anyways.

Lunch was slowly coming to a close and both girls finished reading.

"Ohhh, that was so romantic~" The one in front of you wistfully mused out, holding her chin in her hand as she dreamily stared at the ceiling.

"Yes, it was so good!" The one next to you said. Maybe you should learn their names instead of referring to them as 'girl' and 'girl but sitting next to you'. "It almost makes me wish for more."

Raising a sceptical eyebrow, you looked at her, urging her to continue because you figured this was the whole reason they were here. "Well, since you write this I was wondering, do you take requests?~"

You hummed a bit, looking between the two. They shared a look and there was a glint in their eye that you recognised but couldn't recall where you had seen them look like that before. "I've never done so before but maybe. What would you want?"

"Could you write me in such a scene with Jojo!?" The one next to you blurted out all of a sudden, making you visibly flinch back from the sudden burst of noise.

"No no! Please write it with me! My personality fits perfectly with the one in this story already!"

You were now being barraged with requests of romantic scenarios and begging to write them, all the while you just sat, blinking.

Of course. Of course. They were Kujo fan girls #1 and #2 so of course they would want this. You never understood why they kept trying to win his affection when he oh so clearly showed he was not interested.

I mean, you could see the appeal. He was tall dark and handsome, and the thought of a stoic man who loves no one making an exception for you was prime romantic material. But even you - who was as dense as an oakwood plank - even you knew when something was hopeless. You had never pursued the man. You respected his privacy and wishes. To you, he was just another classmate who just so happened to be hounded by half the female population.

"Ehh..." You started, trying to stop the girls from losing their mind and drooling over the delinquent - who wasn't even present - right then and there.

It took a second but both girls stopped and expectantly turned to you. The pure stars in their eyes made it very hard for you to say what you were about to say but you had to.

"I don't mind writing something for you. But I can't write something with Kujo in it. It just makes me very uncomfortable to write real people into a romantic scenario without them knowing of it. It just feels wrong." You put your hand up in a surrendering and calming gesture, hoping that would help defuse the bomb that was surely being built judging from their expressions. "If you had his permission and you both wanted it then it is a different story, but-"

"I have his permission! Jojo loves me, so of course he would want this!" The girl in front burst out, only for her 'friend' to turn to her.

"That's not true, he loves me!"

"No, me!"

"Me!"

"Me!"

This continued on and you slowly slunk back in your seat. You would have sunken under the table and made your escape that way, but one of the girls was sitting right in your path of exit. You were literally caged in between two fighting tigers, getting more and more ready to bite each other's heads off.

Just then, the door slammed open and both girls instantly shut up. In stepped the precise person of discussion and you only sunk further down into your seat, just wanting to disappear and be left alone.

"Oh! Jojo!~"

"Jojo! Why don't you come sit with us! I missed you!"

Jotaro viewed the class, seeing just you three in it, only for him to stride over to his desk, grab something he had left behind, and walk back out. He only spared you all a single glance and dread settled in your stomach. You were sitting with the two girls he probably hated most since they pestered him day in day out. What if he thought you were part of them now as well? What if he started to hate you too? Would he beat you up if you happened to run into each other outside of school?

Just then, the bell rung and to your surprise, both girls just sighed and stood up, starting to walk back to their own spots and leaving you without any further begging or questions. It left you a bit confused and wary of why they so suddenly seemed to forget you turned down writing about their dreamboat but just shrugged it off, hoping that was that.

- - - -

Three weeks had passed just like that. The girls had left you alone after that weird lunch and thankfully enough, Kujo seemed no more aware of your existence than before. Life continued on as normal and you just stayed your happy, quiet self.

"Hey, Y/N!"

You smiled at your best friend who was sitting at a table in the cafeteria, obnoxiously waving at you.

Quickly hurrying over, you grabbed her hand and yanked it down, sending apologetic glances to the people who had turned their heads to see the commotion. "Do you have to be so loud every time, B/F?"

"Of course." She grinned before pulling you down to sit with her. The unexpected action caused you to yelp and lose your balance. Instead of sitting down as intended, you were now splayed over B/F's lap who was cackling loudly at you.

"Oi, this is your fault! Shut it!" You laughed back and playfully hit her shoulder, making her let out an obnoxious 'oww' and rub it as you sat up.

"Y/N, you're always so mean to me." She pouted and you rolled your eyes. If there is one thing you certainly weren't it was mean.

"Well how can I make it up to you then, my dearest?" You played along, clasping your hands in front of you in a begging manner.

"Let me read your latest brain creations." She grinned and you drew your lips into a thin line. She knew you preferred to keep most writing to yourself because by god, sometimes you would create some abominations you wouldn't want anyone in the world to see. These of course, were the ones B/F loved most, cause she could make fun of you for them. You didn't seem to have another choice for now though, since B/F would most likely do something way worse if you didn't comply.

"Alright, alright." You sighed and hoisted your bag up, pulling your map with writings out and starting to thumb through them. "Huh." You remarked, a bit surprised.

"What?"

"It's not there. I could have sworn I put it in here." You hummed, grabbing your history notebook. You had written this piece in history class and thus it should be in there. But when you reached the most recent page, it was torn out, an indication that you should have already put it in your folder. "Oh god. I must have dropped it somewhere..." You went absolutely pale and B/F burst out laughing.

"Sucks to be you I guess!"

You only groaned and let your head fall to the table. Now there was a cheesy romance scene lost in the school! You just hoped someone would pick up the random page and throw it in the trash.

- - - -

~One week later~

You were the first one sitting in the cafeteria for once. Just patiently waiting for B/F, you twiddled your thumbs as you were mindlessly tracing the grooves in the table in front of you.

A hand suddenly slammed down right in your vision and you jumped in your seat. Quickly tracing the arm up to be met with an angrily glaring pair of aqua blue eyes.

"Get up." Jotaro said in a deep and demanding tone but you were frozen in your seat, just staring at him in slight fear.

"Do I have to repeat myself, bitch?" He harshly stated and you quickly stood up, going to grab your bag so you could let him have this table and find a new one for you and your friend, but instead, his hand clamped down on your shoulder, bunching the fabric there and dragging you off with him, leaving your bag behind.

By now, all the people in the cafeteria were staring and you were just scared shitless. What the hell did you do for him to want to beat you up?! He dragged you with him out of the cafeteria, through the halls and out the doors, moving to the back of the school before throwing you in front of him.

You stumbled a bit but luckily stayed on your feet, quickly turning back to look at him, taking a few steps back until your back hit the wall behind you.

"What-"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" His voice cut you off and you shut your mouth. He seemed absolutely seething, towering over your tiny form as he glared from beneath his hat. It was quiet for a second, you just staring at him with wide eyes. "Well? Do I have to beat the shit out of you to get you to stop?" He threateningly raised his fist and you finally snapped out of your scared state, going defensive.

"No wait! I have no idea what you're talking about!" You frantically blurted out, waving your hands in front of yourself.

Jotaro, no less annoyed than before pulled something out of his jacket before slamming it right next to your head, holding it there. You squeaked at the action, now fully trapped with no escape.

"This is what I'm talking about." He was leaning down to be eye to eye with you now, caging you in with his arm right next to your head. His free hand was pointing to where he held his other hand and you turned your head to see what he meant.

Beneath his fingers lay a piece of paper, clearly crumpled up and unrolled several times. Unsure of what it was, you lifted your hand and took hold of the corner, making sure not to touch Jotaro's hand in fear that that would make him deck you.

Thankfully, he removed his hand from the wall and took a step back, giving you some personal space again and allowing you to grab the paper and read it.

Smoothening it out, you started reading.

Jotaro kept a close eye on your reactions, a little wary of how clueless you were appearing to be. As you started skimming the page, your eyes widened, almost immediately followed by a furrowing of your brows. You looked confused, but as your eyes got further and further down the page, it turned to angry.

Jotaro squinted his eyes at you, only to be surprised when you suddenly crumpled up the paper, pure hate radiating off of you. "Those goddamn bitches..." Of course, he never showed any surprise, keeping his stoic facade but to say Jotaro was intrigued was an understatement.

Turning to look at him, all fear you previously had was gone, replaced by anger. "This wasn't me." You held up the paper. Hitting it once, you ground your teeth. "Those girls stole my work and put your name in it."

Sceptical, Jotaro raised an eyebrow, still glaring down at you. But his stance was now more aloof than it was threatening and you took it as a sign to explain what you were talking about.

"Your fangirl number 1 and 2 asked me a while ago to write about you, I refused and it seems they took matters into their own hands." You turned around as you said that, looking at the school and glaring at it, as if that would do any good.

"So you didn't write it?" Crossing his arms, Jotaro was still looking down on you and you turned back to face him.

"Oh no, I did." You said and un-crumpled the paper, holding it up for him and pointing to a very specific point. "That's supposed to say 'B' though, not 'Jotaro'. I never write character names, just A and B cause honestly? fuck coming up with names."

Jotaro scoffed a little in amusement and then let out a heavy sigh. "It seemed too competent to come from them indeed."

You couldn't help but laugh loudly at his statement, accidentally causing you to drop the paper. "Woops." You said through laughs and picked it up, calming down as you stood up straight again. "Sorry this happened by the way." You then said and Jotaro sent you a questioning look. "I don't write about real people for a reason and this is exactly why. It's just wrong to do without permission."

Jotaro hummed and you suddenly realised who exactly you were talking to.

Awkwardly clearing your throat, you just put the paper in your pocket. "I'll make sure they won't be able to steal any more of my writing so if it works, you won't have to worry about seeing terribly written cheesy romantic scenes anymore. Apart from maybe their own attempts at it." You chuckled at that last bit and looked up to cross eyes with Jotaro.

There seemed to be a somewhat amused glint in them, putting you at ease.

Just then, you remembered a thing and you opened your mouth before abruptly closing it. Following it up with a deep breath. "Okay maybe you will still see some come by for the next few days. I left my bag in the cafeteria, unmanned and unsupervised. Prime chance for some grubby hands to go through it."

"Let's go make sure they fuck off before they plunder the entire thing then."

Jotaro simply turned around while you blinked, pleasantly surprised before you sprinted to catch up with him.

You both walked around the school in quiet, moving to the front doors so you could re-enter again and make your way to the cafeteria.

"I don't mean to pry," You started after a little bit and saw Jotaro glance at you from the corner of his eye, a somewhat wary look in his eye but you just continued. "But how do you keep yourself from punching that entire gaggle of screeching sheep? Honestly I already feel like punching them when I hear them next to me for more than two minutes. And you have to deal with it every day for way longer."

Jotaro visibly relaxed and you heard him let out an amused exhale. "Wouldn't have guessed I have better patience than you." He said back.

You let out an offended gasp at that. "Excuse me my patience is amazing. And let's be fair, I can hear you across the school every day when you yell at them."

He sent you a small side glare, quickly returning to stoically looking forward. "Yes but I haven't ever punched them."

"Neither have I." You smirked. "See? Good patience."

"How about you practice some of that good patience and shut up." His tone of voice was harsh but you could tell there was no anger behind it, so you just let a small smile of victory take over your features as you both walked into the cafeteria.

To say heads turned in surprise when you walked in side by side with Jotaro, unharmed, would be an understatement.

Walking up to the table you had been sitting at, you were relieved to see your friend sitting there, looking at you in disbelief with your bag next to her.

Waving, you walked up and turned to the tall delinquent next to you. "Thanks for not beating me up. I'll see you around." You gave him a weird mock solute before giggling slightly at your stupidity.

Jotaro just hummed and gave you a nod, stuffing his hands in his pocket and turning around, walking out of the cafeteria without a word.

That went way better than you ever could have thought.

[softomi]

Catfish

prompt: mother says to be wary of people you meet on the internet, especially since you never know who’s on the other side of the screen. 

pairing: atsumu x reader

the unpaid extras: osamu, suna

general taglist: @graykageyama

Osamu liked to mess with his brother and lately he’s been planning the largest prank. It originally wasn’t supposed become a huge thing, but then Suna just kept edging him on; adding more things one by one and it just spiraled. Osamu was catfishing Atsumu with your pictures.

Now, Osamu knows that it sounds bad but technically you were in on the prank. You had never met nor even knew Atsumu, heck, you didn’t even know who Osamu was. You had been part of the prank merely through text messages and the occasional meet up with Suna.

To put it simply, Suna met you through one of his teammates; coincidentally you ended up in one of his classes and the two of you built a tiny friendship. Which was why, when Suna was thinking of the perfect person to catfish Atsumu with; your face lit up in his head.

You were the perfect candidate, exactly Atsumu’s type literally to a tee. When Suna pulled up your contact, the first thing he did was offer to pay you. Every picture you sent used for the prank, he’ll send you cash through an app and as a broke college student who needed cash fast, you agreed as long as the photos weren’t used for anything weird or sexual. He made sure to send you proof of each photo in use.

This brings it all back to dear Osamu catfishing his brother. He had created an entirely new Instagram for you, complete using your name and a cute description that him and Suna had spent two hours thinking of. They decided to even spend a few days perfecting it, posting pictures a few days apart with captions, following random groups, liking posts, essentially creating a whole new personality using your photos. Osamu had even developed a fake occupation for you; a foodie blogger to which some posts were dedicated to food reviews for restaurants Osamu deemed worthy of a post.

And when Osamu says that the prank spiraled; it fucking spiraled. Originally it started with Suna and Osamu following the account, suddenly Suna’s teammates began following the account. Osamu made the mistake of tagging Onigirl Miya in one of your photos, ultimately adding a few random people to follow the account. Suddenly after two weeks of having the account, you gained over two thousand follows.

It was no worries though, because Osamu can quickly catfish Atsumu, take down the account, and call it all good.

Safe to say, Atsumu accepted the friend request rather quickly. Osamu and Suna snicker to themselves, it took Atsumu less than five minutes to accept and he was already liking all of your photos. Not even ten minutes pass and he’s sliding into the DM’s.

The two men looking at the phone and burst into laughter. They spend five minutes cackling at Atsumu’s random ‘hey’ message that followed with a smiling emoji.

Osamu was absolutely entertained, it was hilarious that his own brother had fallen for his catfish and honestly, Osamu was ready to give up the act after three days but then Atsumu said something that just really pissed him off. He doesn’t remember what it was, he just suddenly ended up two more weeks later still having the fake Instagram account and still having Atsumu believe that he was falling in love with some girl.

Somehow the account ended up with over five thousand followers, Atsumu messages the account religiously, and Osamu for some godly reason is still managing the account three months later. It’s spiraled.

“I have a girlfriend!” Atsumu doesn’t know why his friend and brother are laughing. He’s scrolling through your Instagram, the catfish Instagram.

Osamu almost chokes on his food, “So what, have you guys gone on a date? Have you even seen her in real life?” Suna snorts into his drink, he coughs when he accidentally inhales the water sharply.

Atsumu slumps in his seat, his voice small, “No, but we talk every day and she likes me!”

Suna is coughing even harder now, tears threatening to leave his eyes to the point that he excuses himself to the bathroom. Osamu has a shit eating grin on his face, “How do you know she’s actually not some old dude catfishing you?”

“She’s not!” Atsumu stutters, “She’s real!”

“Prove it.”

Osamu was about to learn a harsh lesson about the world; the world loves to bite you in the ass when you least expect it.

Atsumu leans forward, an eerie grin on his lips, “Happily.” Atsumu whips out his phone, quickly presses a number and holds the phone to his ear. He holds a finger up to his brother, even gesturing for the returning Suna to remain quiet. The phone picks up, “Hey babe, you wanna meet me here at Onigiri Miya?” Atsumu looks at the watch on his wrist, “Twenty minutes? Perfect.”

Osamu’s believing his brother is bluffing. There was no way in hell he’d be able to somehow magically bring the catfish to life, heck, Atsumu would be a god if suddenly he could. Thirty minutes pass, Osamu is exchanging looks with Suna. It’s absolutely silent between the three.

Osamu is suddenly feeling guilty, Suna is uncomfortable to the point that he’s even texting you to make sure you weren’t actually coming, and you confirmed with him that you weren’t.

“Should we tell him?” Osamu whispers when another five minutes pass.

Suna is deadpanned, “I don’t know, we’re kind of reaching a sad territory now. Let’s just break up with him and ghost him.”

Osamu groans, “But do we want to deal with a sad Atsumu, I’ll take getting my ass kicked over him crying in my apartment.”

The door chimes and their jaws smack the floor. You walked through the door, eyes roaming the place before landing on the three huddled into the corner. Is he a fucking god? Atsumu stands from his seat, he meets you halfway, pulling you into a heartfelt kiss that has you swooning.

The closer you approach with Atsumu’s arm around your shoulder, the more they truly begin to believe that Atsumu is a god.

“Guys, this is my girlfriend.” This time it’s Atsumu who has a shit-eating grin, “Ain’t she a beauty, the pictures don’t do her justice.”

It takes everything in Osamu to not scream, “But, you said you’d never even met her before.”

Atsumu gazes into your eyes, hearts practically floating above his head, “I mean I guess technically this is our first-time meeting, right?”

You nod, a puppy like expression on your face, “I’m sorry, I haven’t introduced myself yet. You must be Osamu.” You point to him then your fingers drag to the other male, “Suna.”

“Oh.” Suna sits straight up, “Oh!” He catches the glint in your eyes, the conniving little minx of a look. Suna was no longer calm, “We’ve been double crossed!”

There’s screaming, fingers are being pointed at each other, Atsumu is gripping Osamu by the neck of his shirt, Suna is literally calling your phone to make sure that it’s actually you, Osamu is pulling his brother’s hair. The customers of the restaurant stare with their jaws dropped at the scene.

Everyone is squished into Osamu’s small office. Suna is sitting on the desktop, Osamu in his chair, Atsumu in the spare seat, and you lean on the arm of Atsumu’s chair. His arm dangles around your waist, pulling you to lean on him with a cheery grin.

Atsumu leans forward, taking in the expressions of the two bewildered boys, “I guess let’s start at the beginning.”

While the story technically began three months ago with Suna asking for your cooperation, the story of you and Atsumu began two months ago.

The extra cash from all the pictures you sent Suna was giving you enough to be able to go out and live a little on the weekends. Originally the bar was dead, you and your friends were tucked into the corner in a booth when a rowdy bunch of men came in. Your friends gasped having recognize them as members of a sports team and with their excitement, they must have won a game.

It didn’t affect your group that much until it came to split ways; being in your last year of university, you excused yourself, insisting that you needed to go home to finish a project. As you stood at the register, card tapping against the counter, that was when he showed up.

At this point, Atsumu had spent the past hour believing the gods were on his side. He practically walked by your table ten times just to make sure the face matched the one in his instagram’s DM. After forty minutes of the constant back and forth, your quick gazes at him walking by the table seem to do nothing. Were you unable to recognize him?

He took his shot watching you stand alone at the counter. He finishes off his drink and smoothly strides to you.

“Hey!” Atsumu leans on the counter, flashing a smile despite alcohol dripping from the side of his mouth, “Wouldn’t you consider this fate?” He gestures between the both of you.

You’re confused, shooting him a puzzled gaze, “Sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else.” You hand the card to the worker, anxiously eyeing the male who’s increasingly invading your space.

Atsumu places a hand on the small of your back, it was something Instagram you had mentioned you liked, instead it triggered a fight or flight. Your hand makes harsh contact with his cheek, he retracts his hand immediately.

“Don’t touch me!” You bark at him, “Perv.” You’re aggressively signing the receipt, storming out of the door while other men seem to ooh at Atsumu’s situation.

“Hey!” Atsumu catches your figure outside of the bar, you’re waving a hand to catch a cab, “I think we got off on the wrong foot there.”

You don’t give him a second glance, “Look, I don’t know who you think you are.”

“Atsumu.” He stands right in front of you, blocking your sights for a cab. He’s got the widest smile on his face as he holds out a hand, “Miya Atsumu. Volleyball player. Setter for the Black Jackals.”

“Okay.” You run a hand through your hair, oddly taking his hand into a shake while eyeing him, “Miya Atsumu, volleyball player, setter for the Black Jackals.”

You step to the side, arm out still trying to catch a taxi but he blocks your way once more and he looks at you with such wonder. His eyes practically having stars coming out and his smile warm and inviting. He was wondering if you were a twin, maybe he had actually gotten the wrong person.

“You are?”

The wind is causing your hair to blow in your face, he wants to so bad to brush the strands behind your ears but the way you gave him a slap earlier makes him think that’s a bad idea. Your fingers pull your hair back, “Y/n. I don’t have a fancy title like yours but, I guess I don’t know, senior to be graduating at the university.” You sidestep him once more, “I’m just trying to catch a cab home.”

Once more he blocks your way and you look at him with defeat. He was persistent. He laughs, “Sorry, last time, but do you not know me?”

You’re still as confused as ever, “Look if you’re going to pull some cheesy line about seeing me before, it’s not going to work.”

“Wait, just hold on a second.” Atsumu pulls out his phone, his fingers are shaking as he presses onto the app. He pulls up your profile, handing you his cell phone, “This is you isn’t it?!”

Your eyes scan the social media page, your mouth falling open, there’s a hidden laugh itching in your throat. These were all the picture you had taken for Suna and somehow, you’re being shown by a stranger your fake profile.

“We’ve been messaging for like a month, I can’t believe you don’t recognize me.”

I don’t recognize you because I’m not the one talking to you.

You’re perplexed, you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do, if you told him he’s being catfished you’d lose the flow of side cash you’ve developed but if you didn’t, isn’t that just wrong. And the more you look at him from under the stars, he’s rather cute; you suddenly feel bad for slapping his face earlier.

“Do you want to get some coffee?”

Your offer sends him over the moon, he’s walking alongside you to the nearest convenience; Atsumu is rather talkative, bringing up topics of everything and anything that comes to his mind. As the two of you look over drink options in the cooler, his hands pull two cans of black coffee.

“You’re favorite right?” He holds one out to you.

Your actively smiling, biting your lower lip and wondering if you needed to play along with the role but as he stares at you with such adoring eyes, it makes your heart skip a beat just taking in the fact that he would remember something trivial over text.

“Actually.” You place the drink back, opting for a sweeter caramel macchiato, “I would say that this is my favorite.”

Atsumu quirks a brow, “Are you saying you were lying to me?” He places a hand over his heart, “And here I thought we were soulmates.”

Your hand smacks against his arm, “Shut up.”

“So what are you studying for?” Atsumu sips his drink, the two of you leaning against the windows of the convenience store. There’s a slight sway in his body and you’ve unknowingly followed his movements.

“Literature. Once I graduate, an internship is probably where I’ll start but I’m hoping I can get hired into a publishing company.” He’s comfortable to be with and you aren’t sure if it’s because he thinks he knows you or because his presence is just like that; comfortable.

Atsumu finishes off his canned beverage, “And you do that, all on top of running a foodie Instagram.”

From what you gathered on a quick skim of the account; they have your occupation as a lower level food blog; it’s rather funny. You can only nod to him, “It’s just a side hobby really.”

“Well maybe I could join you on one of your little adventures.”

You try to suppress the immense grin that wants to grow on your lips, there’s an internal battle happening of whether you should tell him or not but once again, the way he looks at you, the cute doe eyed look; it puts butterflies in your stomach.

“How about tomorrow?” He lets out a small gasp, your hands pull out your cell phone and offer it to him, “Your number?”

“I’m free for lunch, just text me when and where.”

You press the number he’s inserted into his contact; in a second his cell rings and he’s showing off his screen, “Don’t message me on Instagram though, I’m detoxing from social media for a bit. Just, text my number.”

He walks you to the curb, helping you flag down a cab, and you give him one last gleeful glance before getting into the car. As you sit, you’re quick to dial Suna’s number. You know he’s probably sleeping but the light feeling in your heart overrides his sleep schedule.

“What?” He’s groaning.

“Suna listen to me carefully. The prank that you guys are doing.” You hear a small snore, “Suna!” He jolts awake and you groan, “You know what, go back to sleep.”

“Thanks.” He hangs up immediately.

Your phone dings, Atsumu’s name pops up. Can’t wait for our date. You bite on your thumb, a smile on you before you respond.

Although having just seen him forty minutes ago, you two text back and forth. First he wondered if you arrived home safe, next he sent pictures of himself insisting it’s for you to choose for his icon, then he proceeds to narrate his way home. You wonder if you’re responding like catfish you but the more he brings up random topics, the more you forget about that stupid prank.

Wait let me call you.

Your heart beats faster, your phone lighting up with his name. You press the answer button slowly, “Hello?” You giggle.

“You’re telling me that you like spikers more than setters.” His voice is nearly screaming and you lean back on your chair laughing into the phone.

The quick research you did on his team had you watching short videos, and while you had to admit it was amazing to watch, your eyes drifted more to one of his teammates than him, “What’s his name?” You lean to look at your computer screen, “Bokuto Koutarou?”

“No!” He’s whining out into the air, “If I had known you were a spiker girl I would have changed positions.”

Your eyes catch the time on your laptop, “Woah. It’s three in the morning.” That meant you had spent over four hours total texting him and now you were on the phone with him, “What are you doing awake?”

He blows out a breath of air, “I could ask you the same thing.”

“Well.” You draw out the word, dragging your self to your bed, “I’m going to go to sleep now.” There’s a pause on the line, “Atsumu?” He hums tiredly, “Good night.”

There’s a small snore from him before he shifts around, “Good night.”

The morning light urges you awake, for a second you peak at your phone’s time and it nears ten in the morning. You’re about to throw your phone back onto the bedside table until Atsumu’s name catches your eye. For having gone to bed at three a.m. he shot you a text at seven.

Morning beautiful.

It was sweet, simple, and it made you smile; giving you the extra push to get out of bed. You stalked your own catfish page, there hadn’t seemed to be any updates so there was still time. A quick search of the internet has you picking out a random restaurant nearby and you send off a text to Atsumu about a meeting time.

You were late, pushing through the doors of the restaurant, your eyes scan the place to see him raise a hand for you. He’s dashingly handsome despite being in casual wear, you wonder if he spent time like you did just trying to pick out an outfit or if he spent forever gelling his hair as long as you tried to get your strands into the perfect waves.

“Sorry, did you wait long?” You pull into the seat in front of him.

He’s smiling and you hope to god that when you break the news to him, he’ll still smile for you, “I just got here not too long ago too.” He looks over the menu quickly, “What do you think you’ll get?”

You inspect each dish, a light hum on you as you dance around the option, “The spaghetti sounds nice.”

Atsumu tilts his head, “It has red meat in it.” You stare blankly at him, “Aren’t you allergic to red meat?”

“Oh.” You set the menu down, “Actually.” He follows your actions, you’ve become nervous at what you’re suddenly about to do, “There’s something you should know.”

“Fuck this!” Atsumu throws the napkin on the table, you jump as he harshly stands, throwing the chair back.

“Atsumu.” You stand.

“No! Don’t. Were you just messing with me then? Did Osamu tell you I was going to be at the bar last night?” Atsumu’s fist ball, “You know what, whatever.”

“Wait.” You follow him behind, “Atsumu. I’m sorry.”

He harshly turns to you, god, even in sunlight you were beautiful to him. He wants to laugh, the month he spent talking to the fake you; yeah that was all bullshit to him but honestly when he saw you last night, when he spent over four hours actually talking to you; he actually felt that maybe this could be something deeper.

“I’m really sorry, I know I should have said something right away.” You have a soft pout on you and it makes him outwardly groan.

He runs a hand through his hair, “Okay, it’s fine. I probably deserved this prank too anyways; must have pissed him off somehow.” He waves a hand, “You can just go back to doing whatever.”

Your hand pulls on his wrist, “I owe you a meal.” You bat your eyes with a cheeky grin, “If you take pictures of me, we can send them to Suna and use the money for our food.”

“Oh.” He begins to smile, “I like that idea.”

Back into Osamu’s office, Atsumu has now pulled you onto his lap, your head resting on his shoulder with arms hanging around his shoulders. The two bachelors stare at the sickly loving sight.

A lightbulb goes off in Suna’s head, “Wait! My money!”

You snort a laugh into Atsumu’s shoulder, “Hey, I earned that fair and square. You paid for goods.”

Osamu is having a staring contest with his brother, “So you two have been actually dating for two months? Why would you still message the catfish account then, why not just kick my ass when you found out?”

Atsumu taps a finger on his chin, “Well, I was just originally going to ghost you guys but then babe here and I discovered that we could fund all of our dates with Suna’s money. We even started setting aside leftover cash from our dates to plan a trip.”

You giggle, “We’re going to Disney next weekend.”

“All the pictures.” Suna whispers.

There’s an amused hum in your throat, “Honestly I’m surprised you guys didn’t figure it out. We were dropping hints in the photos.”

Indeed, the two males looked at the pictures you sent them. If they backtracked to two months ago, there wouldn’t be any hints but the closer they get to the present; it was painfully obvious. They were just too caught up in their excitement to even notice. In one photo, part of Atsumu’s shoulder and hair was just barely in the picture; another had his reflection vividly displayed in the window of the restaurant, and somehow Osamu and Suna missed the obvious Black Jackals jacket sitting on the back of the chair next to you.

The two boys were having a mental breakdown.

You shifted on Atsumu’s lap, leaning forward to tap against the top of Osamu’s phone, “Now, if you’d please deactivate the account since this whole charade is over.”

Osamu ended up not deleting the account. He set the account to private because seeing how his brother was so deeply entranced by you, Osamu had a feeling this one was going to last and he was right; on Atsumu’s wedding day, his little best-man speech had him whipping out the catfish Instagram to display on the monitor for everyone to see.

[spasmsofthought]

fractures. (zuko x reader)

This is totally a free for all because I haven’t read any of the comics or watched Legend of Korra at all. Part 2 maybe, if you all think it’s worth it?? 

Kinda angsty, and mostly political - but y’all, I think Zuko learned how to be a politican as Fire Lord. This is me trying to explore that a little bit. 

Like, comment, reblog! Thank you for your support, as always! xo 

+ + + 

The first time you see him, he is touring the Earth kingdom as the Fire Lord. 

It’s been at least two years since he’s been crowned. It’s been two years since a Fire Nation flag last hung over the arches of every town entrance in the Earth kingdom. It’s been two years since a lot of things. 

Peace is a hard custom to keep when all you have known is war. Peace is a foreign language when all people know how to communicate is its opposite. 

The Fire Nation colonies are no longer known as such. Instead, villages and previous colonies outside of the former Earth Kingdom walls have formed into clans of their own. With the Earth King travelling during the latter part of the war, leadership has been thrown up in the air. There was no one to trust; especially after the Fire Nation invasion of Ba Sing Se. In all the chaos of the war, though, the de facto mantle of leadership among the small number of people in your village fell onto your family. You aren’t aware of the reason why, but being raised in a Fire Nation colony by a mother from the Northern Water Tribe and a father from the edges of the Earth Kingdom makes people feel something like safety in a land subjugated by an unrelenting and ever-growing superpower.

When the crowning of Zuko the Fire Lord happens, with Avatar Aang right by his side, the news spreads rapidly, even across the broken networks of communication established among the clan leaders. But even in the middle of developing a new world, there is still brokenness. There is still pain. There is still suffering. 

The world does not seem to heal the way people want it to: very slowly, in pieces rather than in a whole. There is still prejudice and hatred. Very little is still solved with words. 

It is the first time a foreigner has walked the land your people call home in two years.

It is the first time people see the color red on someone in two years; before, during the Invasion, red was what everyone saw on every passerby. Travel was severely limited and people mostly kept to their homes in fear of what Fire Nation guards would do to them on top of the restrictions and heavily imposed taxes. 

When he is directed to your doorstep by everyone in the village, the only one out of your family able to host him is you. Your father died in a skirmish near Ba Sing Se’s walls on his yearly pilgrimage to trade in a way that would have helped support your village during a time of scarcity two and a half years ago, right before the conquering of Ba Sing Se. Your mother is a figure made up only of stories. A figure who passed soon after your entrance into the world. 

For such an imposing figure, he wears very little ceremonial garb. It seems that he understands there is little need for formal ceremonial clothing in this community of people simply trying to survive in a world clawing back from the brink of total destruction. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” He begins with, bowing with hands formed in a traditional Fire Nation greeting. 

You bow back similarly, using a specific form of ceremonial bow used by formal authority figures here in the Earth Kingdom. Your hands move in a sweeping motion, directing the Fire Lord to a low table in the middle of the small living room your house has. The table settings are sparse and there is no fancy silverware, but there seems to be something in his countenance that relaxes slightly for some reason. 

“Please make yourself at home,” You try to make yourself seem soft. Yielding. Compliant. “Would you like any tea?” 

He nods, holding the simple cup up off the wooden structure slightly as you lift the tea pot and fill it halfway with the steaming liquid. You set it back down and it is then that Zuko surprises you for the first time. He nods his head towards your own cup. There is a pause, your mind trying to process the simple action, before you are moving your cup up off the table as well, watching the jasmine tea slowly fill up space that was previously empty. 

He gestures a toast to you, holding his cup close to yours while nodding, before he takes a sip. Out of respect, you take a swallow as well before you set your cup back down on the small coaster you were told your mother knit while pregnant with you. Blue and green repeat each other in a circular pattern, reminding you of how beautiful the two colors look together. Reminding you of your own roots face-to-face with someone who carries a vast and rich legacy of his own.

“If it’s alright, I would like to skip the formality of small talk and get to the real conversation. What is the purpose of your visit here?” For such an abrupt change in tone, he doesn’t seem surprised. He sets his cup down, too. 

“We would like to begin discussions with your clan about officially coming under the government of the Earth kingdom again.” 

You have to take a deep breath in. 

When you were little, your father always told you tales of his land’s history; of its vastness and proud strength. As you grew older, however, the tales turned into lessons of caution. He taught you to not trust the central government of the Earth kingdom for a reason. A reason you had soon found out had little to do with his own faith in the people he belonged to and more to do with the fact that the governing body had been crumbling for a long time. There had been a reason there was local autonomy among so many cities and villages, especially during the War. Despite the belief shared among many that the Earth kingdom remained a single political entity, the vastness of land kept that belief more of an idea than something that was practically applied. 

“I would love to see the Earth kingdom become the nation it was before the War, but there is a reason my people remain wary of allying ourselves under a central government again. We know about the details of the Coup of Ba Sing Se; we know the corruption that spread vast and wide among politicians, generals, and other administrators.” 

“I have been working with the Earth king very closely these past two years. It is our plan to host a gathering at the palace in Ba Sing Se with all local clan and tribe leaders to truly take your input into account while we finalize the development of the Earth kingdom’s government after this long period of strife. That is why I am here, to formally invite you...” 

You stop him before he can go any further, “Thank you, but my place is with my people.” 

“The Earth king desires that his nation once again be strong and united and at peace once again.” You want to know if he has always been an apt politican, or if this has something he has had to learn in these past two years. You wonder how he mediates both the needs of his own people and those of the world without faltering. 

“My experiences have taught me many lessons, as I am sure yours have taught you specific lessons as well. I have very little trust in a central government that before has previously become so easily fractured by whispers of greed and silent grabs for power, and can become so again.” 

“There are specific checks and balances in place so that never happens again. I have personally seen to these assurances in the formal writing of the government documents that have been extensively drawn up.” 

“How can I even trust you?” 

“I-” His mouth opens but more words from your mouth stop him before he can even begin. So much for being compliant. 

“I know the legacy of your family. I have witnessed the destruction your family has caused on this land; on the entire world. I do not know you personally. I only know that you have come to ask me to join a government I have little interest in letting rule my people once more when I am right here to make sure they are provided for and kept safe. There is very little about the world I can trust right now.” 

You begin to wonder, in the seconds of silence that linger afterward, if you have officially screwed up any chance at the peace people have been so longing for: here and abroad. You want to seem strong, but there always seems to be the chance to second-guess yourself. To back-up and take a new route. 

“I only know what it is like to be a new leader. I cannot offer you trust you are unwilling to take, but I can offer you the assurance that the Earth king, the Avatar and I will do whatever it takes to make sure the world is whole again.” 

You know he means it. Despite the solemnness of his face and his scar as a reminder to you of the stories of his own life that have yet to be told, there is a fire in his amber eyes that contains no violence, only the longing for the same thing you want: peace.

“My uncle would praise your tea-making skills,” A small corner of his mouth lifts up. Your eyes track the movement for a small second before you are staring down at his cup, too. 

“I could give you a bag to take to him to give the next time you see him,” An olive branch, maybe, in light of your previous words. 

War has its own effects on everyone, including yourself. Trusting others has not been a virtue of yours for quite some time. 

“I’m sure he would love that.” It is a brief glimpse into something about himself, you are sure, that he smiles slightly. A genuine smile. Despite the title he holds, there is nothing but humility. You tuck that observation into you heart to ponder on later.

How can the Fire Lord be so at home in this run-down mill of a home? How can he be so comfortable in the presence of a stranger; a stranger who opposes him in his objective to make peace in a way that he seeks but you do not want? 

You find yourself reaching for a stored bag of tea leaves before you can think about it.

As you hold the bag out in the palm of your right hand, your left resting in your lap, his fingers brush yours. He takes the bag and tucks it into what you assume is a pocket on the inside of his simple cloak. The warmth fades as quickly as it came, and for a moment you want to reach out for more of it. 

You stop yourself before you actually do such a ridiculous thing as reach out for the hand of the Fire Lord. 

But the feeling stays with you long after you tentatively promise to keep in touch with him as he graciously exits for the day. It stays with you for a long, long time. 

[craomy]

A Serendipitous Encounter Genshin Impact: Xiao x Reader (Fluff/Agnst)

Genshin Impact: Xiao x Reader (Fluff/Agnst)

AN: Xiao is one of my favorite characters and I’m really excited for him to appear in the 1.3 update. This is one of the ideas I’ve had in my head for a while, and after writing it all, I realized that this story is pretty lengthy, so please bear with me haha. 

Please enjoy :)

Word count: 15,894

Trigger warning: There’s very descriptive writing of gore and mentions abuse.

-=+=-

Xiao wasn’t always known for being the Adeptus of Liyue. There was a time when the Yaksha wasn’t fulfilling orders from the oldest archon of Teyvat. A time where Morax had never appeared before him was when Xiao was suffering the hardships of endlessly slaughtering innocents, commanded by an evil archon. Although Xiao is around two thousand years old, he too had faced naivety and had blindly served as a puppet to perform cruel acts. With this, he had no solid foundation of what it truly takes to feel mortal emotion. Just what exactly did it mean to him? What could it all do to him?

✦

Red.

Xiao gazed upon the blood-soaked battlefield. The crimson colors of those he massacred was something he was very familiar with. Having felt no remorse nor any guilt of these deaths caused, everything felt nothing but natural to him. 

“You are an evil being. With that being said, you must continue to slay all of them to demonstrate your power until you reach your full potential.” The archon would remind the young warrior constantly. Although Xiao had obediently listened to his archon, he couldn’t help but feel curious when brought to the question of what it meant to be... free.

Mindlessly killing another town, Xiao’s piercing gaze had shot daggers through a woman who had clung to the feet of the demon. With begging eyes, the elderly woman had desperately reached her hand to grab his robes, “Y-You poor soul.” as she then dropped to the floor. Xiao was continued to stare down the now lifeless corpse as he repeated the woman’s last words.

“Poor soul?” Xiao uttered slowly. Confused, he took a step back for himself and looked back up to the burning houses. Realizing that he was no longer in his demonic form, his gaze lowered from the destruction he had caused. 

Did he really do all of this?

Since when has he been holding all of this adeptal power to himself?

“That’s right. You caused all of this.” A voice from behind stated.

Xiao turned around and had immediately knelt on one knee to bow to his puppeteer. The archon that stood before him had smirked, “Good. You’ve been so compliant with my requests, I just had to give you a lovely reward. More power.” he laughed as he awed at the marvelous sight in front of him. The disarray in the city along with the screams of innocents had brought nothing but music to the evil archon’s ears.

“Well done here. This is exactly what Teyvat needs. Soon, the other archons will have nothing against me. Having brought turmoil upon thousands really must be one of your specialties.” The archon turned his back on the young man. Xiao listened carefully to his archon’s next orders. “You know... I’ve been wondering about what your thoughts of these mortals are. With you killing them on my behalf, I ponder if you know what it means to understand their pain.” The archon went on, carefully eyeing how the demon would react to his words.

“They’re lowly beings of Teyvat. With no real intentions of their futures, they continue to slowly eat up everything they can get their hands on. They’re selfish humans that step on others to get what they want.” Xiao dutifully answered.

The archon was amused. He truly does learn well from what he had taught him.

“Well if that’s the case, there’s one last thing I’d like for you to do for me.” The evil archon turned back around to Xiao, grabbing Xiao’s chin to make direct eye contact with the demon’s amber orbs.

“I want you to learn what it means to love.” He ordered, making Xiao’s eyes widen slightly. “What? You mean the pathetic things those mortals do?” Xiao became befuddled. All this time, the evil archon he followed after instructed him to be wary of human emotions and to avoid them at all costs. Just exactly what made him think of such an absurd idea?

The crackles of the flames burned in the midst of the battlefield they stood in. The stench of blood was something Xiao was used to. Hearing the voices of humans pleading and begging for mercy was mundane. Looking at the mortals in the eye with his jade spear as they face death was what he was best at. To think that his last lesson is to... love?

“That’s right. I want you to find out what it’s like to love. There’s something great I must witness once you’ve achieved that, and it will all be a new experience for you to accomplish for me. Can you do that?” The evil archon let go of the young man’s face and stood tall before him.

Xiao must not question his archon’s intentions. With wincing eyes, he looked at the blood smeared grass with a pinch of doubt. This was nothing he wanted to take a part in, but if it means that this would be the last time to commit acts like this, then so be it.

“Your wish is my command.” He submissively answered.

✦

Some time had passed since the command of the evil archon. Xiao had been ruminating the words he’s been told and continued to think about what his true intentions might be. There was only one place where he can get his head out of the clouds and it was none other than the foundation of Plaustrite, the shrine that resided in the sky above Qingyun’s highest point.

Up there was the only place where he could feel...

What was the word?

The word “nothing” doesn’t quite fit what he was looking for.

Nevermind that. It won’t matter anyway.

As Xiao made his way up to his secret sanctuary, he made eye contact with dull (E/C) colored orbs. Liquid crept out of the young girl’s eyes as it dripped down her rosy cheeks. The way her (H/C) hair had been disheveled yet still perfectly framing her face was more than beautiful as it swayed in the gentle gusts of wind from above. The clothing she wore looked partially torn and shredded at the ends while remaining to compliment her beauty.

White.

She was wearing a pure white dress. A wedding dress, if Xiao could remember correctly. With the way she gazed back at the young adepti, Xiao recognized it as fear.

As expected. Many mortals would cower from his presence. But this time was different. His objective wasn’t to kill anymore.

“Worry not mortal. I’m not here to hurt you.” He stated with no ulterior motives behind his words.

The young girl that stood before him had felt tense but then sighed in relief.

“Thank goodness. You don’t look like one of the people he had sent.” The (H/C) haired girl had said out loud. Xiao had raised an eyebrow as he observed the mortal’s surprisingly calm features. What had she meant by that? Was she being chased?

The girl had taken another step back.

“I guess I can finally be free now.” She said with a solemn smile.

The young adepti didn’t understand her words.

Free?

The (H/C) haired girl had taken a decorative hair ornament out of her well-done braids and tossed it on the stone floors of the floating shrine. Xiao’s attention was still stuck on the alluring human in front of him. With the sun setting right behind her, Xiao’s eyes had suddenly darkened. His amber eyes widened at the realization of what this human was trying to do.

The young girl had taken a final step backward, feeling no more room for her to step on. Her graceful figure was something Xiao really couldn’t take his eyes off of now.

She...

She fell.

Xiao’s body had a its mind of its own now. Without even thinking, he leaped off of the edges of the Foundation of Plaustrite. His mind was racing as he took his plunge into the sky.

What the hell was that girl thinking?

At this height, she’s going to end up killing herself!

The adepti was in a race against time itself. It’ll only take mere seconds until the girl will face her inevitable death. White flowers that were woven in the girl’s dress had been falling out of place, but she paid no attention to it. In the midst of seeking out for her answer of freedom, she couldn’t help but think how peaceful it was to fall. The breeze had begun to feel harsh against her skin. The force around her began to pick up as she saw her teardrops flying past her. 

At least now she’ll be free.

She shut her eyes, thinking that she could finally accept death.

...Or so she thought.

As the girl plummeted through the clouds, her eyes had widened when she saw the young man diving after her. Time felt like it had slowed down for both of them.

Xiao’s head must be playing with him. He really is risking his life right now for a mere mortal. Yet, something in his chest felt like if he didn’t do this, he would regret it. Perhaps it was because he’s never seen something colored so brightly. The color of white, that is.

What was the word that could describe it?

The young adepti had made his transformation in mid-air, his mask giving him enough power to increase his descending speed to match with the falling angel. That dark aura of his had been able to surround him into what many people of Liyue would think of as a monster. An indescribable beast that’s comparable to a demon itself, at that. Xiao had tightly grasped the girl’s waist with one arm, pulling her close to his chest.

The girl had blinked in astonishment. She was completely stunned. She examined the man that wore the intimidating mask that concealed his true facial expressions behind it.

“Hold on tight!” He commanded, his voice slightly corrupted as he could feel his demonic form consuming him. The girl had nodded, holding on tighter to the young demon. In Xiao’s other hand, he swiftly summoned his jade spear and his eyes darted to his surroundings.

By the time he scoped the environment, he couldn’t find any other way to make a soft landing for the human. They were both about to meet the ground if he doesn’t come up with an idea to stop their fall.

Xiao clicked his tongue, finding the situation to be quite irritating.

All because of this foolish mortal.

With his jade spear, he quickly began to make a straight plunge into the earth. His grasp around the girl’s waist became tighter. He had a slight twinge of concern in his body. Seeing the way she reacted to him wasn’t what he had expected. Will he be strong enough to absorb the impact? Will this even contribute to his mission? Seeing that she’s wearing a wedding dress, perhaps she has an idea of what “love” is.

Yes. This mortal will do.

Xiao was focusing his energy when all of a sudden he directed his attention towards the girl and had became confused once more.

She’s... crying?

A loud crash could be heard from a far distance. The young demon’s weapon had cracked deeply in the crust of Liyue’s grounds. The collateral damage of the both of them with the field could easily be mistaken for an earthquake. The sounds of crumbling dirt had rumbled around Xiao as he tightly held onto the young girl, holding her bridal style in his arms. He huffed, feeling a little bit dizzy from using his demonic form. It was almost like his health was slowly deteriorating. 

Xiao stared intently at the remains of their fall. He couldn’t shake the thought that he had gone through so much trouble to save this suicidal girl.

The girl, on the other hand, couldn’t stop staring at the man who saved her. 

She’s never felt such gentle hands until now. She’s never seen such a mysterious being before either. Surely no one could have saved her from that height, so what was he exactly? Instead of fearing this new type of unknown, she couldn’t help but feel comforted by it. Xiao’s aura began to diminish on its own. As Xiao’s huffing slowed down, his mask had crumbled away into the air.

The girl couldn’t break eye contact with the handsome demon. She couldn’t help but notice the splatters of blood on his cheek. Was it his own blood?

Slowly, yet hesitantly, she brought her warm hand to Xiao’s cheek. With her thumb, she gently removed the small streak of blood on his face.

This confused Xiao once more. With the young adepti’s pride, he turned away from the pitiful human’s soft hands. “Why aren’t you scared of me?” He asked in a harsh yet bewildered tone.

The girl hadn’t shown fear around him at all, which was something new to Xiao. Usually, they would run away or cry for mercy, but this human was different than the others.

After all of the hardships that the girl had gone through, she was able to catch a glimpse of familiarity in his eyes.

“You looked like you were hurting.” She answered honestly.

The man was taken aback once more.

Xiao dropped the girl in his arms. She landed on the ground with a thud, no longer stuck in a trance. Xiao turned his back on the girl, trying to think of what she had said.

Hurting?

He doesn’t have any external injuries. Right?

The (H/C) haired girl turned her head and saw the jade spear pierced through the ground. Her eyes darkened, remembering why she had wanted to end her life again. “I can use this instead,” she muttered, grabbing ahold of Xiao’s weapon, trying to pull it out on her own with her own strength. The black haired man with teal undertones put his hand over the girl’s smaller ones, his gaze hovering over the suicidal girl.

“Just what are you planning to do with that?” He looked down on the girl with a serious atmosphere. She made eye contact with the man who had saved her without flinching. “You mortals are more than fragile. Why in the world would you jump off of the highest point in Qingyun Peak?” He scoffed, wanting to find out her reasoning behind all of this.

Ignoring his question, she glared at the man in the eyes, “I want you to kill me. Put me to rest.” in which he clicked his tongue again in annoyance.

“Why do you constantly wish death upon yourself?” He inquired, attempting to put up with this stubborn girl.

“Because I want to be free.” She said so confidently.

What did she just say?

Xiao was more than curious now with this human. A young girl who wants to kill herself for freedom? Impossible.

He let out a sigh, picking up his jade spear with little to no effort. “Fine. I’ll kill you myself.” Xiao flipped his weapon from the ground and around his arms to point it straight back at the girl he had just rescued. The girl had stared straight towards the man as he pointed the sharp weapon towards her neck. She had not feared him at all whatsoever, which irked the demon a little bit. If anything, she was more than delighted to have an opportunity to be liberated from this terrible world.

She was ready to face death head-on.

This bothered Xiao.

“But before I kill you, tell me what they call you.” He said, referring to her name.

She closed her eyes, “They call me (Y/N). At least, that’s what I want to be referred as.” she complied, awaiting her eternal slumber. Xiao shook his head, withdrawing his spear and casting it in the air to disperse. No longer in his possession, he had other plans with this human.

“Well then, lowly (Y/N). I order you to teach me what it means to be human. You don’t seem to be having much to do, so to make the most use out of you, you will explain your human ways. Only then, I will grant your wish.” Xiao finalized his train of thoughts with those words. Standing his ground, he continued to watch this human’s reactions towards his demanding request.

(Y/N) had no other choice but to comply with him. At least she’s in a better position now if she can somehow be protected by this powerful deity. Maybe she did want to do one final thing before she goes off into the other side.

“Since you stopped my death from occurring, I suppose I have no other options... but there’s one thing I would like to do first.” (Y/N) said with certainty. She wiped her tear stained cheeks as she wore a strong front. As she slowly rose on her own, she couldn’t help but notice the man in front of him wore a very elegant attire. The man wore a white sleeveless shirt with a black collar, dark purple pants, and dark purple boots. He wore black and dark turquoise gloves with gold decals and a necklace that looked ancient. Around his left arm, he bears a white and gold sleeve with red linings. The man had worn an Anemo vision on his left glove. As for his physical features, he was quite good looking. His tattoos had no longer glowed brightly as it did before, and all that was left was his amber eyes piercing through (Y/N)’s entirety.

The young adepti will find this girl to be beneficial to his mission.

(Y/N) turned around and was about to lead the way until she spoke.

“Also... Thank you... for catching me.” She said loud and clear for Xiao to hear. Without a sound, he nodded, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to see his gesture as he slowly followed her from behind.

✦

The two of them didn’t make much conversation along the way. It seems that the adepti preferred to keep his distance from the young girl. (Y/N) has seen that look on his face before. It was the look of someone who has been strong enough to endure such sufferings. She wasn’t quite sure if she should be getting to know him, but as of now, she was able to make peace with his presence.

“We’re here.” She noted out loud.

Xiao had glanced around his surroundings. It was nothing but burnt down houses and crumbled ruins. Completely deserted and sullen, it had somehow brought peace to (Y/N). Curious as to why they’ve arrived to this wasteland of a town, he continued to put up his guard.

(Y/N) took a deep breath, “Everyone! I’m back home!” she hollered, a shout that could be echoed far off in the distance. Xiao raised his eyebrows once more as he crossed his arms, “Are you even hearing yourself? There’s no one here.” the man bluntly commented based on his observations.

The girl shook her head, “I’m sure there’s someone here. I have faith in my family.” she said with a hopeful look. He slowly nodded, letting her believe in what she wanted to.

Suddenly, a tiny head had popped up out of nowhere. One of the kids climbed out of the debris of a fallen house and had gasped out loud. The young child had quickly jumped out of her hiding spot and had begun tearing up. (Y/N) quickly bent down as she opened her arms out for the child to run into.

“(Y/N)! You came back!” The little girl cried out in disbelief as she tightly hugged the older girl. (Y/N) had embraced the child, holding her close to her chest while stroking the child’s hair. Her strong demeanor seemed to twinge a little bit as she felt a wave of relief wash over her. After she pulled back from the hug, she smiled back at the little girl, “Oh come on. You think I would leave you that easily? I wouldn’t do that to you.” she cooed, a lump in her throat building up.

The little girl stopped sniffing and had beamed brightly, “Everyone! It’s safe to come out now!” she exclaimed, loud and clear for everyone in the ruins to listen to.

All of a sudden, many kids began to pop out of their hiding spots. From each angle and corner from the collapsed houses, children ranging from many ages had leaped out of their spots to come and tackle (Y/N) with loving hugs. 

“(Y/N)! Where have you been this entire time?!”

“You’re finally here..! We thought we would never see you again...”

“What about those bad guys that took you away? Where are they?! I’ll roughen them up if I have to!”

“Who cares about them? I’m just glad that our (Y/N) is back home!”

Xiao examined them all carefully. If he could remember, his puppeteer told him of something like this before.

That’s right.

This is what a heartfelt reunion is supposed to look like.

Xiao had stood on the side quietly as he watched unfamiliar facial expressions on the children. There were around twenty kids that had surrounded the (H/C) haired girl, happily welcoming her back home. What did (Y/N) possibly go through to find herself here? The adepti wondered what would have happened to these children if he hadn’t caught the falling angel. What would their reaction be?

Feeling a little tug on his sleeve, Xiao peered down at a little girl, no older than four, to be looking up at him. Not knowing what to do, he just stood there, staring back at the child playing around with his robe.

“(Y/N), who is that man standing right next to you?” One of the kids asked while pointing at the young demon. (Y/N) stood up with a child in her arms, “That man is... erm... His name is Xiao! He’s the one who rescued me from those bad guys.” The girl had quickly made up as the rest of the kids had gasped in wonder.

“What? Foolish human, I bear no title such as that. I am only a weapon of destruction and-”

“H-His name is Xiao! He was only pretending because you all like to play as pirates.” (Y/N) had laughed nervously as she walked up to the young man, “Please play along, they’re very innocent with no knowledge of what you’re talking about.” she had whispered, which made Xiao groan in annoyance.

How irritable.

“Fine. If that’s the case, then so be it. It is I, Xiao, the Mighty and Illuminated Adepti.” the man played along with a serious tone. To his surprise, all of the kids had gasped in amazement from what he had said. All of the children began to jump around him and ask him questions.

At first, (Y/N) thought of him to be a very cold-hearted person, but after seeing him interacting with the kids, maybe he wasn’t so bad.

“Wow your dress is very elegant! You look like you’re about to get married!” A little girl pointed out, amazed by how splendid (Y/N) had looked. “Who are you marrying? If it’s that mean looking guy over there, I’ll beat him up!” A little boy screamed as he ran over to Xiao and softly punched his leg.

This disgusted Xiao. Oh how much he wanted to kill this child right here and right now for thinking he had the right to insult him with such an act. His dark aura began to surround him until he looked back at the (H/C) haired girl. The kids must be very important to (Y/N) if the last thing she wanted to do was to see them.

Putting his pride to the side, he took a deep breath and looked down on the young boy that punched his leg. Instead of brutally injuring the boy in front of him, he walked and stood next to the young bride that took care of all of the kids.

“That is correct. She’s marrying me.” He said with seriousness laced in his voice.

(Y/N) had blushed, becoming flustered. “W-What are you saying?? Xiao, I am not-”

“She is. I brought her back here safe and sound. You mere mortals should be thanking me for sparing her.” Xiao stated, wrapping one arm around the girl’s waist.

(Y/N) flushed red, shocked at what this man was saying. He has to be out of his mind.

The boy that initiated the punch towards Xiao had his mouth dropped wide. Xiao sent a smug look at the child, claiming victory in his head. If he couldn’t win against him by making him succumb to death, then he will win by claiming (Y/N) as his own.

All in all, the kids had a lot of fun messing around with the young adepti, and (Y/N) was glad to be back.

✦

After tucking all of the kids into their ragged sleeping bags, (Y/N) was able to loosen up from her stress bit by bit. Xiao continued to watch her as she went to tend to her things. The young girl would get up and hum the children to sleep, while some she had talked to them and reassured that she was fine. The boy that had punched Xiao earlier came up to (Y/N) and tugged on her dress a little bit to gain her attention.

“Yes, what is it, Caihong?” the (H/C) haired girl smiled ever so gently towards the young boy. “Could you fix up my arm for me? The wound started to open up again.” he quietly murmured. (Y/N)’s (E/C) eyes widened slightly as she saw the size of the cut on his arm. This looked like a cut of a sword.

“Who did this to you?” she asked in concern.

“One of the bad guys,” Caihong quietly said. “but I didn’t lose! I scared them off so that they wouldn’t come to our hideout.”

Xiao watched intently as he leaned against the stone wall. Without any comment, he continued to stare and observe what mortals do in their conversations. 

(Y/N) sat the boy down on a chair and had plucked a translucent white flower from her ragged wedding dress. The scent it radiated was... pleasant to Xiao’s senses.

“What flower is that?” Xiao had inquired, aweing how it bloomed on its own. (Y/N) looked up at his direction and down to the lovely flower in her hands. “Ah, this is the Qingxin flower. It grows on only the highest peaks of Liyue and can serve as a remedy for some injuries.” the girl answered, giving Xiao one for himself to keep.

He took the offering and twiddled it by the stem. Curious, he brought it up to his nose to take a sniff of it. Its fragrance was nothing like the stench of blood. This scent was certainly heavenly.

After (Y/N) had finished taking care of Caihong, she tucked him in one of the only sleeping bags they had and sat down next to Xiao. The distance between them was enough for him to be comfortable. (Y/N) stretched her arms and had leaned her back against the stone wall with the adepti right by her side.

“Sorry for all of the commotion earlier. These kids aren’t in the best condition, but seeing them smile is enough for me to get by.” (Y/N) apologized with a peaceful smile.

“Where are their parents?” He inquired, wanting to know the bits and information to this mortal’s story.

(Y/N) turned away from Xiao, looking up to the sky above them. “They’ve fought and died bravely in the wars they partake in. Some of the children have been abandoned or found injured when I walk around the ruins. Kids of war need a happier childhood, so I decided to be the one to look after them. As the oldest orphan, I felt like I had a duty to fulfill.” She shifted her head to look back at the young adepti.

“I’m sure you must have a duty to fulfill, right?” She grinned warmly towards the young man. He stopped making eye contact with her and looked at his hands, reimagining if it was him on a battlefield. He thought about the mission his evil archon ordered him to go on about and thought about how he had always served as his god’s weapon.

Knowing that (Y/N) might be frightened if he told her what he did in the past, he answered her question with a nod. It felt a little bit conflicting for him to be around these abandoned kids when it’s most likely Xiao to be the one that annihilated those children’s parents. All of the orders he had received during war-- he had to fulfill them all. Even if it meant bloodshed among innocents.

(Y/N) could only admire how the night sky had glistened above them. “The sky looks better here when I’m at home,” she commented, resting her head against the wall.

Xiao looked around and could only see what meets the eye. “This place is a dump. This is not a proper place to call a home.” He bluntly stated. (Y/N) could see what he was getting at, but shook her head.

“Sure, this place looks terrible, but it’s those who reside in the place that can make it a home. Home could mean a peaceful and quiet place where you can happily live in. It’s somewhere that you know you can come back to, feeling cared for, respected, and loved.” She passionately spoke with fire in her eyes. That strong determination that shined in her (E/C) eyes was nothing like before. The time that he had rescued her from falling to her death, her eyes looked like they were filled with anguish.

Xiao tried to remember if there was ever a time if he felt what a “home” was. 

“I’ve never had a home before. Someone like me doesn’t deserve a place like that.” Xiao had closed his eyes while folding his arms. (Y/N) looked back at the young adepti with serious eyes, “That’s nonsense! Of course, you deserve a place like that. Everyone deserves to be loved.” she retorted, unconsciously holding onto both of Xiao’s hands.

A part of him had made him defensive, a bit startled from the sudden contact. Nothing fails to surprise him, at this point. This (Y/N) girl was full of surprises.

“Exactly what is that word? What is ‘love’?” Xiao thought out loud for her to hear. 

She looked a bit confused. Does this man really not know what love is?

“Well... love is when you cherish something so dearly. It’s when you have a special connection between you and another person. When you become so used to that, it’s like something you feel like you have to protect no matter the cost.” (Y/N) answered without a doubt.

That concept was nothing but foreign to the young demon.

“I don’t recognize it as a need.” He said straightforwardly.

She tightened her grip on his hands slightly, “One day,” she started. Xiao looked up to meet his eyes with the bold girl in front of him, “you’ll suddenly realize it. I’m sure of it. Everyone gets to feel it in some way. Once you do, I’m sure you’ll realize that it’s a very powerful feeling.” (Y/N) brought his hands to her head. It almost looks like she was trying to pray for him to find this peculiar light that he couldn’t see.

Xiao slowly nodded, still trying to get used to the human emotions that she constantly radiates. Maybe from now on, he’ll really try to understand her. Xiao looked back down, his hands enveloped in an unfamiliar warmth. He slowly pulled away from her hands and given her one of the blankets, putting it over her shoulders.

(Y/N) blinked in confusion, watching him walk away. “Where are you going?” she asked.

“I’m going to keep a lookout for you. Get some rest so you can continue looking after the children in the morning.” Xiao stated, summoning his spear out of thin air and piercing it in the floor. He stood his ground as he looked beyond the fields. (Y/N) smiled, wrapping the blanket around her even more.

How considerate...

“Thank you, Xiao.” she quietly whispered, finding herself to fall asleep in no time.

The young man’s ear twitched, hearing the name that she had given him. Not even the evil archon of his had given him a name. He looked back up at the night sky, holding onto the Qingxin flower that (Y/N) had given to him.

“Xiao, huh?” he repeated the name out loud.

That (Y/N) girl had been nothing but trouble to him and yet, a part of him wanted to thank her for giving him something that no one had ever done before.

✦

A couple of weeks went on as Xiao continued to stay by (Y/N)’s side. When he wasn’t around her, he would practice fighting with his spear outside. Some of the kids would watch him as he perfected his fighting stances and his attacks. In the beginning, Xiao could only feel stiff around the little kids running around him. He knew that he was a very powerful entity and a part of him didn’t really want to hurt this group of young mortals.

Sure, he was definitely cold towards the children in the beginning, but after hearing what (Y/N) had to say about them, he tried to understand them more. (Y/N) couldn’t help but feel grateful for him to be around her. Something about him made him much different than the other men who had tried to interact with the young beauty. Then at night times, Xiao would spend his time listening to the lonely girl and would ask her questions about what it meant to live as a human.

Xiao concentrated on his attacks while he continued to think about the past conversations he’s had with (Y/N).

“Happiness is vital to everyone. It’s something you can obtain in various ways, but in the end, it’s like a feeling you have when you sit back at the end of the day and remember those fond memories.”

“Sadness is when you feel a part of your heart missing something. Usually, it’s a reaction to something, for instance, a painful event. Eventually, that something fades away and becomes a memory. When that happens, you can’t help but miss that something that’s now unobtainable. It’s natural for everyone to go through it.”

“Loss? Well... Loss is when you realize that something you loved is no longer with you. It’s something irreplaceable and you’ll find yourself grieving over it for a long while.”

“Marriage? Well... I think it’s supposed to be something that brings you joy. You make a special connection with someone in a way that no one else can, and they can always be the one to be there for you. It’s where unconditional love begins to sprout and you realize you’d want to spend the rest of your life with that person.”

Xiao paused, stopping his spear in mid-air to remember something (Y/N) had said last night.

“It was horrible. A group of bandits were threatening my family. At first, I didn’t know what to do, but then I remembered something very important.” She spoke while walking alongside Xiao by the shore. Xiao stopped walking as he continued listening to the (H/C) haired girl.

“I remembered that I had a home. It wasn’t the best home that other people could think of, but I knew deep down that all of those kids needed me. They’re the ones that I love and I... I wanted to keep that. I wanted to protect them all from the dangerous world. So with that... I... I let the bandits kidnap me and sell me as a slave.” She smiled, but it was a different type of smile. It was a very somber smile.

Xiao was trying to register the emotions that he was feeling. He watched as she continued to keep up a brave front and as she continued to tell her story. “One of the noblemen in Liyue had passed by the slave carriage and had purchased me with his filthy mora. I was sold as a slave and this group of men began to... hurt me... in different ways. One day, one of the men had ridiculed my family and I became... very furious. There was no other way to escape but I continued to throw the rest of my words at him. It was all I had left to fight with. That’s when he decided to...” the girl had found it difficult to continue talking.

In the middle of her words, she couldn’t help but cry.

It was a very natural thing for humans to do.

Right there, she cried in front of Xiao, slowly losing the energy to stand up and just sat down with her knees to her chest. 

“I can’t forget the pain they’ve caused me. I’ve gone through so much abuse that I’ve forgotten what all of the other emotions felt like. It’s been so long since I had seen daylight, and by the time I was able to see the sky, it was on my wedding day...” She wept softly, her voice cracking. Xiao bent down, not knowing what to do. 

“I did what I had to do to escape. I had to poison him. Then in that very moment, I fled the ceremony. I ran as fast as I could to escape and I climbed further than I thought was humanly possible. In the end, I was able to reach the highest point of all of Liyue in the floating shrine above Qingyun Peak and right there... I found only peace. The world felt still at that moment. I couldn’t hear anything and couldn’t find the energy to think about the hardships I had overcome. If I had died then and there, it would have granted my selfish wish.” (Y/N) sniffed, burying her tears against her sleeves.

So this was the freedom she was talking about on the first day that they met.

Again, Xiao’s body begun to move on its own. He had slowly wrapped his arms around the shaking girl. She looked like she could shatter so easily. Someone so frail, yet someone so strong. A mortal that could continue fighting on, managing to survive after all of that. Xiao felt his heart beating a little bit faster once he made contact with the crying girl. If he could look in his reflection, what kind of face would he be making right now?

“Everything... will be alright. I’m right here for you.” He quietly murmured, digging his face into her neck as he embraced her completely. (Y/N) had been strong enough. She slowly brought her arms up to Xiao and hugged back.

Her (E/C) colored eyes shimmered as she tightened her hold. Her mouth quivered, then she felt her breath draw disoriented.

She bawled. Almost like a newborn baby. She shed many tears, it would be enough to fill a river. She clung to Xiao like it was the last thing she could ever hold. Xiao was enveloped in her warmth. This was different than him holding onto her when she was falling in the air. Now the time they’ve spent together had felt more special than before. He was a man of very few words, but his actions can tell a whole story. The young adepti comforted the (H/C) haired girl, not knowing what this emotion was in his chest.

“I’ll protect you, (Y/N). I won’t let those bastards lay a hand on you anymore.” Xiao promised, his heart tightening when hearing the girl weep. Hearing that some awful humans could do this to an angelic person had made him swear vengeance. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to wipe away her tears and hold her in his arms. He wanted to cherish her and make her smile.

He wanted to love her.

He wanted to be the one to make sure that she received all of the love she deserved. Xiao pulled away, missing the Qingxin fragrance she radiated. He looked at her with determined eyes, kneeling on one knee and one Qingxin flower on the other.

“(Y/N)... I swear that I’ll protect you. I’ll curse anyone who dares to stand in your way.” He spoke with conviction. Xiao has never knelt down to a mortal before. He knew exactly what the repercussions would be if he betrays his loyalty for his archon.

Xiao didn’t care anymore.

He wanted to be with (Y/N).

“(Y/N)... I--”

“Xiaooo? Are you there?” Caihong hollered, standing in front of Xiao. The young man had snapped his head out of the clouds. He looked down to see the little handful of a child looking at him ever so daringly. Out of all of the kids, he was the only one that was brave enough to mess with him.

“What is it, boy?” Xiao questioned as he stabbed his spear to the side, causing it to disappear in thin air. Caihong still awed in amazement from a very strange sight, but then shook his head. “(Y/N) wanted me to tell you that she needed some more Qingxin flowers to treat the injured kids she found. Since she has a lot of things to do, she was wondering if you could collect some for her.” Caihong told the young adepti his orders from (Y/N).

His eyes softened when he mentioned her name. 

(Y/N)...

He looked into the distance where he could see (Y/N) taking care of the young ones. She grinned cheerfully towards the children, then making eye contact with Xiao. To think that she was the same girl that had broken down in his arms that very night...

(Y/N) is stronger than she looks.

Xiao smiled.

Caihong couldn’t believe his eyes. The stern and serious man was able to smile??

“Xiao! You’re smiling!” Caihong shouted in disbelief. Were his eyes deceiving him? The young demon had stopped staring at (Y/N) and ruffled the boy’s hair. “I’m not smiling. Your eyes are deceiving you.” He spoke, denying that he was able to make such a facial expression.

“Oi! Don’t ignore me and pretend that I’m not here! Let go of my hair!” He cried out, shooing the adepti’s hands away from his head. The boy has never seen Xiao like this before. Perhaps a grumpy guy like Xiao really did need someone as bright as (Y/N). Caihong’s eyes lit up, remembering something important. “Oh yeah! (Y/N) said that she has something important to tell you tonight! I think she’s going to prepare her special almond tofu dish for you!” He happily exclaimed.

Xiao nodded, wondering what that would taste like. Well, if it’s anything that (Y/N) prepares, he’ll have no choice but to like it.

Maybe this is what happiness felt like.

In the past, Xiao wasn’t allowed to imagine things. The evil archon forbade it. Pondering and creating scenarios in his head wasn’t something he couldn’t do often, but he couldn’t help but think of her. 

He thought about what the girl had said about marriage. Would she be happy if he said he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with her?

As he made his way to get prepared to collect Qingxin flowers, he couldn’t help smiling to himself the entire way.

✦

Qingxin flowers can be found at any high point in the lands of Liyue. Xiao had no trouble leaping towards high spots in the air. For once, he had enabled his demonic form for something that wouldn’t cause bloodshed. He allowed his demonic form to make him lighter as he continued to collect the translucent white flowers that blossomed at his touch. Although he had felt a little bit of pain from maintaining this form, he knew that (Y/N) would be back at home to take care of him again.

With (Y/N)’s contrasting approach to life, the world seemed to become a bit... brighter. Xiao no longer drowned out all of the sounds to his ears as he did on the battlefield. For once, he allowed himself to hear the chirps of the birds and watch cranes fly above peacefully. 

Yes, yes! That was the word!

Peace.

He was able to find peace.

It was all because of (Y/N). He was able to allow more room for growth. She let him realize that maybe a part of him really was human. Xiao had held the Qingxin flowers tighter, thinking about the very significant mortal he looked after every day. Maybe he should get something special for her today.

He couldn’t get the thought of her out of her head. Especially after last night.

How could he tell her how he felt?

The way she makes him feel warm was different than any ordinary blaze.

The way she tells him with determined eyes that even he deserves a home.

The way that she somehow got the children to enjoy his company and make him feel like there are more things in life worth protecting.

The way she smiles so fearlessly in the face of danger.

He wanted to protect it all.

He wanted to protect her.

“Enjoying yourself?” a voice came from behind.

Xiao immediately dropped everything he was holding and withdrawn his jade spear in an instant. He pointed his weapon at the voice, only to realize that it was the evil archon himself. The young demon took a step back, “What are you doing here?” he spoke with a contentious tone.

This archon right here... Xiao never noticed this before, but he could feel the heinous aura that filled the atmosphere. Something about this random encounter with his puppeteer felt sinister.

“I’m just here to observe your journey. I’ve watched you from afar and seen you acting abnormally. Have you perhaps fallen in love yet?” The archon inquired, leaning in to detect if the young demon would react in any way. At the moment, Xiao was a bit hesitant to answer his question. If anything, he began to question why he continued to obey this archon’s evildoings. What if something he said would bring danger to (Y/N)?

If he says yes, the archon might be able to let him go and free him of his duties. No. That’s just him trying to be optimistic. There’s a high chance that the archon could use that as leverage against him as well.

“No. I have not.” Xiao answered, glaring with threatening eyes.

The evil archon chuckled, “Is that so?” as he began to burst out in laughter.

Xiao was a bit unnerved from hearing the evil archon laughing hysterically. Looking for a way out, he grabbed the flowers that he had been collecting when all of a sudden he felt a stinging pain in his abdomen. Xiao choked out blood, feeling his body being pushed against the grass.  His jade spear was summoned without his permission and had been pierced through his body. 

“Liar.”

The black haired man remembered this pain as he winced at the sharp object that’s causing his crimson blood to spill out of his stomach. He hissed at the discomfort the wound is giving him and he raised his head, daring to look at the archon in the eyes.

“Oh my. I knew this was a good idea from the start but I didn’t think it would turn out this good.” The archon brought his hand to pull up Xiao’s chin. 

“You love that girl, don’t you?”

Xiao’s amber eyes widened in realization. He knew where this was going.

“Don’t you fucking dare!” He shouted with anger seething out of his attitude.

The evil archon smirked at his puppet. “Don’t worry. I won’t lay a hand on her,” he chuckled, looking down at the young demon that was beneath his feet. “but I know they will.”

Xiao writhed under the pressure of his spear that pierced him. He needed to escape. He needed to get out. He needed to go to her.

“My my! What has gotten into you, my puppet? Since when did you start to think about the lives of mortals that you’ve been slaying this entire time? What makes her different from the rest, hmm?”

“She shows no mortal arrogation! She’s not selfish nor filthy like the others!” He retorted with conviction in his voice.

“Who gave you the right to feel this way? Think about it. After all of the times you’ve slaughtered those innocent people, you’re nothing but a murderer.”

“You ordered me to do it! I had no other choice but to obey!”

“You had free will, did you not? At any time, you could have easily stopped your killings and put an end to everything yourself. It’s all your fault. You did this to yourself.”

“You’re wrong!”

“So are you saying that you’re right?”

Xiao paused, refusing to show his face to his archon. 

“I’m saying that you’re quite adept at manipulating people. It doesn’t matter what you think of me. I know that (Y/N) will still be by my side.”

“How can you be so sure? Have you even told her what you’ve done to the parents of the children she’s taking care of? Do you think that she’ll just accept you because in the end, you found a way to hide your past instead of confronting her about it? Of course not. She’s a human, and you’re a demon. You two are nothing alike, and because of that, you’ll never find a way to truly be close to her. You’re an atrocious monstrosity.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re delusional, boy. There’s nowhere else for you to go where anyone can accept you. Once that girl, (Y/N), catches the wind of the truth, it’s over for you.” 

The evil archon stepped off of the adepti, causing Xiao to gasp for air. He was slowly weakening. His fingertips touched the liquid that protruded out of his stomach.

Damn it. His weapon was laced with poison.

Xiao felt helpless as he laid on the grass on top of the mountain. All ounces of energy he had was now depleting at a fast rate. Out of frustration, he took a handful of Qingxin flowers and clenched it to his stomach.

“Ah, this is the Qingxin flower. It grows on only the highest peaks of Liyue and can serve as a remedy for some injuries.”

Xiao could remember her words as if it was yesterday.

(Y/N)...

Black dots danced around his vision as the last thing he saw in his sight was the smirk of the evil archon. After his final attempt to fight against the poison, his body had refused to keep up with him, causing him to lose consciousness.

✦

Bit by bit, Xiao’s eyes opened up. For once in his lifetime, he had dreamt a dream. He squinted, trying to see if he was seeing correctly. The gaping hole in his stomach was no longer there. Bloodstains remained in his clothing as proof of his encounter with the evil archon.

Xiao urgently got up from his fallen state and could see the sun fall setting in its place. His fists clenched the Qingxin flower that had once prospered greatly on its own. Its white color was tainted, no longer pure. Crimson smeared the edges of the petals as it slowly wilted.

Was he regenerating faster because he had more power?

Nevermind that. Xiao couldn’t afford to lose another second. Who knows what could have happened to (Y/N) during the time that the young demon had been passed out. He was quick with his feet, leaping off of the summit of the mountain with the thoughts of the (H/C) haired girl filling his thoughts.

He clenched his teeth.

He should have known that the evil archon was merely using him.

If it weren’t for (Y/N) to guide him to his morals, he definitely would not be where he was right now.

Xiao felt his stomach twisting. This time, he was able to distinguish it as an emotion. It wasn’t a physical pain caused on the outside, but the unsettling feeling that lets him know that something is wrong.

His instinct was more than correct.

In the distance, he could already see smoke releasing into the air. Combustions and explosions can be heard, along with very familiar cries that he has heard before.

“Kids of war need a happier childhood, so I decided to be the one to look after them. As the oldest orphan, I felt like I had a duty to fulfill.”

No.

Xiao used his lemniscatic wind cycling to lunge forward in mid-air, then proceeding to dive down and make an impact with the ground. He shifted his eyes hastily, many bodies of children to be mercilessly killed. The kids that he had surrounded himself with during his time with (Y/N) were all slaughtered. She cared for them. She put her time and energy spending it all on the young ones rather than looking after her health. Xiao’s grip tightened around his polearm.

“Loss? Well... Loss is when you realize that something you loved is no longer with you.”

He clenched onto the hem of his robe.

 “It’s something irreplaceable and you’ll find yourself grieving over it for a long while.”

Xiao had quickly sifted through the debris of the broken down house. The blazes had raged, mocking the young demon in a taunting way. Bits of ash had already flaked through the air. The pyre had devoured his line of sight.

“Well... love is when you cherish something so dearly. It’s when you have a special connection between you and another person.”

His breathing had stopped. This can’t be. 

“When you become so used to that, it’s like something you feel like you have to protect it no matter the cost.”

His blood ran cold. He felt asphyxiated.

(Y/N) was dead.

(Y/N) was dead.

(Y/N) was dead.

(Y/N) WAS DEAD.

A nobleman had walked into view, smirking as he saw a leftover orphan who he assumed was the last one they were looking for. “Hey, boys! We missed one right here.” The man with blood splattered across his rich attire spoke with arrogance. “That bitch should’ve realized who she was messing with when she poisoned me during the ceremony. I guess that’s just what happens when you buy a cheap slut in the market. Let’s finish this last one up and then drinks are on me.” The man had blurted with cockiness. The nobleman pulled his sword out of a lifeless boy’s body, kicking it towards Xiao like a ragdoll. It was... Caihong.

The young man’s breathing had hitched. 

He felt his ears ringing.

His hair covered his glowing amber eyes as he stared at (Y/N)’s lifeless body.

Xiao went numb. 

His heartbeat was the only thing he could hear and it was hammering against his ribcage like it was about to burst.

“What’s death? Well... death is what makes life worth living. It tells us that we have a certain timeframe to do everything we ever wanted to accomplish. It’s inevitable, and in some cases, different forms of life end sooner than expected. Most often, we lose someone we love so much during the process, making us feel all sorts of emotions. That’s just what makes us human.” (Y/N) had beamed, looking at the vast sky. She turned to lean her head on Xiao’s shoulder.

“Especially you, Xiao. You might not know yourself very well, but I can just tell.” She hummed in delight.

Xiao cocked his eyebrow, “What does that mean?” he asked with a puzzled look.

(Y/N) smiled into his shoulder, catching him off guard once more.

“You’re human. Just like me.”

A monstrous gust of wind had discharged where the adepti once stood. Xiao’s demonic form had materialized in a blink of an eye. The men that had terrorized his home had been knocked off their feet, meeting an intense force that propelled their bodies against the dirt of Teyvat. With their confusion, they tried to see where the assault came from and had realized that the young man that stood before him was a force that should not be reckoned with.

Xiao had flashed past the group of men, rapidly puncturing his spear between all of their hamstring muscles behind their knees, ensuring that none of them could ever walk again. Many of them writhed in agony from the jade spear that had still been laced with poison.

“What the hell was that?!”

“My legs! I can’t get up!”

The young demon had swiftly teleported behind the largest guy in the group and had grabbed a hold of his entire face with his gloved hands. Xiao then proceeded to bring his spear to pierce the center of his neck. Crimson liquid had spewed and sprayed from the bandit’s neck as he gargled on his own blood. Still seeing that he was alive and conscious, Xiao demonstrated his inhuman strength by lifting the man’s body and tossing it up in the sky. Violence plagued his mind as he lacerated the man with thousands of cuts in a single second, the demon maneuvering perfectly in the air before dismembering the man entirely. As the body parts separated, the large clots of blood had sprinkled the atmosphere like rain. 

Finally, Xiao teleports right above the mutilated masterpiece as he spiraled down towards the ground, erupting a treacherous impact that would inflict true agony. Not only was the man pierced by Xiao’s jaded spear, but he was also spiked by the shadow fragments of all of the times he’s ruthlessly murdered other polearm users. 

This was no force to be going up against.

This is true fear.

With this mask, Xiao remembered just why he had detested mortals so much.

“No! Stop! It hurts!” One of the men begged for mercy as Xiao had just begun. He dashed towards the bandit and coiled into a form of wind, opening up his stomach with a clean cut. The black haired man with teal undertones teleported behind the man, bending his arm in an unnatural way until it snapped. The audible crunch could be heard by everyone there, allowing them to freely imagine what their doom would be like. The man coughed in his own blood, but that didn’t stop Xiao from holding his arms from behind his back and kicking the back of the bandit’s torso. Choking in blood, the bandit couldn’t scream for help as his organs helplessly collapsed out of his body. Dumping the body to the side, he heavily breathed in and out.

This was a different type of hatred that resided within his entirety.

The animosity that radiated through the adepti’s mask was evident as it glowed darkly. One by one, Xiao had performed cruel acts towards the sinners that wreaked havoc on his home. Whether it was plucking their eyes out or bashing all of their bones, Xiao couldn’t find a resolution to his resentment.

All that was left was the nobleman that had forced (Y/N) into an arranged marriage. The thought of such filth laying even a finger on his (Y/N) was more than enough to greet the tip of his spear. Xiao looked down at the mortal that cowered beneath him. Emotions are fickle in the face of danger.

“Stop don’t do this! I can pay you ten times the price I paid for that slave! I can give all of the mora you ever want! Please just spare me!” The prideless man begged as he couldn’t feel his legs at all. Xiao stepped on the man’s torso, his piercing amber gaze had been strong enough alone to silence the sinner. The demon’s dark aura increased as Xiao collected his distributed rage into his jade spear. 

“Your mora can’t even compare to (Y/N). Not even in the slightest.” Xiao’s spear was enchanting as it collected stacks of power from the built up anger. The adepti stomped on one of the nobleman’s kneecaps, an audible crunch filling the air. He screamed at the top of his lungs, feeling the excruciating pain throughout his entire body. Xiao wanted to make his death as long as possible. Even if the man were to pass out, the demon could slip some of his corrupted aura into his bloodstream to ensure he stays awake.

The young man grabbed a hold of the nobleman’s wrist, shattering the bones in his arm completely. Another defenseless howl erupted from the shameless man. Xiao remembered (Y/N) saying that they had hurt her in various ways, even those that she couldn’t bring herself to say. The thought of the group of bandits exploiting the pure girl had driven him to the brink of no return.

“You won’t be needing these anymore.” The man wailed in agony as Xiao dislocated the joints in the nobleman’s fingers. With his spear, he had begun cutting off each and every finger of his at an antagonizing pace. His screams weren’t enough to satisfy him.

Xiao ripped off the man’s arm in one effortless pull.

Another scream.

The demon looked down at the human in disgust. Why were so many mortals so repulsive? The jade spear he had was stabbed in the man’s chest, but not all the way. He made an incision that was thin enough for Xiao to open up the skin of the man’s torso. Without any hesitation, the adepti bent open the nobleman’s ribcage in the most unnatural way.

“Please... s..stop.” The bandit pleaded.

“You didn’t stop when she told you to. Hypocrites like you must rot.”

The polearm user gutted out the rest of the organs that were left in the man’s body.

“You deserve this.”

He punctured one of the man’s eyes with one of his thumbs.

“You don’t have the right to live.”

Xiao clenched his teeth, going back to think about (Y/N).

Seeing her lifeless body near one of the burning houses. It... It evoked true calamity from the young adepti.

“You took her away from me.”

Xiao summoned his charged spear from thin air. The nobleman was disfigured already. His body was beyond recognition after what Xiao had done to him. Yet, it still wasn’t enough.

The young adepti clenched onto his jade spear, “N̶̻̽ő̸̘̠w̸̗̖͗ ̴̲̓I̴̝̓’̸̗̭̾̽m̵̩̤͠ ̸̺͒͜g̷̛̳͍̈́o̵̮͒i̴͉̕͘n̶͎͗g̸̦̺̀̂ ̶͔̫͛t̷̯̓͊o̵̻̽̓ ̷̹͖͌̕t̴͍̚a̸͙͝k̵̯͝ẹ̶̒ ̷͕̈̏ė̸̜͜͝v̸͕̲̆ế̶͚̪ŕ̸̢͕ỳ̷̺t̸̥̆h̴̹̠͌̇ḯ̵̫̙n̶̜̉g̵͙̮̋̏ ̴̧͈́̂ȧ̸̬̗w̵̤͇̄á̵̺̣ŷ̵̢͘ ̴̞̂͌ͅf̷͎͐r̶͉͕̈́o̸͙͠m̷̖͚̿ ̴̯͓̈̉ỳ̶͖̂o̴̬̾u̴̖̔͝,̸̢̐͘ ̶̹̏s̷̜̑̀ţ̷̌a̸̯̽̂r̸̗̄͝ṭ̷̈́͠ḭ̴͆n̸̘̈́g̶̭͂ ̵̦̱͋̚w̷̺̉į̷̻̾̅t̴̜̿̇h̶̞͖̍ ̴̜͇͐̚ỵ̶̓o̴̥̗̿͐ụ̴́r̶̖͂͂ ̸̬͊̊d̶̙̬͌̕r̴̮̒̕e̸͜͝ͅa̷̲̓m̴̻͆s̶̲̐” he growled with bitterness. The polearm user slowly hunched over the mangled human, preparing to remove his mask to begin devouring the man’s dreams when all of a sudden he heard something in the distance.

All movement stopped.

Xiao heard someone calling out his name.

Snapped out of his bloodthirsty trance, he pulled his head up.

“(Y/N)?”

He paused, stalling the death of (Y/N)’s capturer. He couldn’t tell if he was hallucinating or not. 

“Xiao!”

The young man dropped everything he was doing. That filth is going to die anyway. The most important thing right now is trying to look for (Y/N). He stood up from the bloodied body and had staggered towards the direction the (H/C) haired girl was.

He felt his rage settling down as he began to search for that gentle voice. The soothing hums of (Y/N) could be heard from behind one of the stone pillars that had collapsed next to the body of the young girl.

Xiao rushed towards (Y/N)’s body. He pulled her into his embrace, trying to see if he could get any reaction. Something. Anything that could tell him that she was alive. A part of him wished that he could feel her arms rise up and hug him back.

He pulled away and slowly checked her heart by lowering his ear against her chest. The anticipation for the young adepti was torture. Time moved slowly as he sharpened his hearing.

One second passed.

Xiao’s grip on the girl grew tighter.

Two seconds passed.

He felt the world crumbling beneath his feet.

Three seconds passed.

“Please...”

Four seconds passed.

Xiao lifted his head from her chest and stared at her soft features. She still looked gorgeous. It was like he was seeing the girl again for the first time. On the day that he fell for her, he didn’t realize he would fall this hard.

He froze in place.

There was a subtle movement in her fingertips. Xiao’s amber eyes had shone light in itself once more. The (H/C) haired girl let out a cough, slowly shifting out of place. “X...Xi..ao..?” she weakly whispered with wincing eyes. The gash on her head was a very dangerous cut. The adepti felt alleviated. Relief washed over him as he held the girl tightly while burying his face into her soft (H/C) hair. The girl couldn’t see very well, but she could never mistake Xiao for anyone else. Slowly her frail arms wrapped themselves around Xiao’s body.

“Welcome home.” She whispered shakily with little strength behind her voice.

Xiao didn’t know how to express how grateful he was to see her still alive. He had thought that he had lost all hope. “I’m home, (Y/N). I’m back at home...” He sniffed, not realizing that he had been tearing up this entire time. (Y/N)’s eyes couldn’t properly see it, but she could feel that his heart was aching.

She brought her thumb to his cheek, wiping the tear that threatened to spill on his face. Something in his chest had felt like it was suffocating him as he saw (Y/N) in this current state. 

Xiao’s heart... hurt. She did the same exact motion on his cheek when they first met.

Hurt?

How many times has he finally discovered the words behind the meaningful things he couldn’t describe today?

So this is what she meant by he was hurting. All of a sudden, Xiao was able to understand everything now. He was able to feel his emotions. Him of all people. The demon slayer that slaughtered innocents. All of the burdens he didn’t realize he had on his back had suddenly begun to tumble onto him.

This was very painful to watch.

(Y/N) was dying in front of him.

He knew exactly what was going to happen. On the battlefield, it was all the same thing. Death by killing, death by injuries, and to those who are caught up in the middle of it all. Xiao knew this all too well and he was holding onto his significant mortal. He scoped around the burnt down place they had called home and had hissed at himself for failing to save the little ones. Their lifeless facial expressions were frozen in fear and anguish. Xiao protected (Y/N) from witnessing the horrible sight behind him by draping his long robe to block her vision.

He needed to find another way to protect her.

She was going to end up like one of them too if he didn’t.

She was going to wind up in the same inevitable fate that all humans face when they meet their end.

“Remember when I said I... I was going to tell you something, Xiao?” The fragile girl voiced out, hands trying to navigate where the young adepti’s hands were. “I have a surprise for you... but we have to go to the Foundation of Plaustrite” she muttered, closing her eyes, a bit exhausted than she thought she would be.

The blood that dripped down the side of her head had most likely resulted from a severe concussion. Not only that, but the large cut in her abdomen was alarmingly frightening to the young adepti.

The demon was trembling, “But you’re extremely injured. You need treatment.” he twinged at the thought of (Y/N) leaving him again. A part of him felt like if he didn’t do anything now, (Y/N) would die easily to her injuries. Of course, the young demon would see it like that. He had forgotten that he had stronger regenerative abilities than the average human.

“Please. It’s my final wish.” (Y/N) prayed quietly. She attempted to open her eyes but stopped when Xiao covered her eyes with his own hands. “Don’t open your eyes.” He advised.

Xiao hesitated, afraid that he might accidentally hurt her if he picked her up wrong. There’s no way that he could reject her request. Haltingly, he bent down to carry the girl in his arms in one full sweep. He no longer felt tired. He felt as if he was granted all of the strength he needed in all of the lands of Teyvat.

“Is this comfortable?” 

“...In your arms? Always.”

The black haired man with teal undertones carried the girl with ease. Before parting ways with their home, he looked back at those who had wronged (Y/N). Their bodies are now beyond recognition. As a man who’ll do anything to protect what was his, he had decided to leave the dead men behind like it was nothing.

Seeing (Y/N) breathing again was enough for him to calm down.

“...What happened to the children?” The (H/C) haired girl asked. A gruesome image flashed into Xiao’s head when mentioned. “They’re in a better place. I made sure that they’re comfortable in their new home.” He lied through his teeth. He wanted to spare her feelings.

“...What about the... bandits?” (Y/N) showed a hint of worry. The only thing he could think of was the way he had eliminated every last one of them. “They were also taken care of. I decided to go easy on them.” Xiao lied once more.

(Y/N) appreciated the thought of the young man attempting to keep her hopes protected from what just happened. The smell of iron was already enough to tell her what happened at their home.

Slowly, he began to walk towards their destination. Along the way, he couldn’t help but notice the girl continuing to hum as she was on death’s door. Xiao’s eyes never left the sight of (Y/N). If he didn’t, then it would feel like she could vanish without a trace.

“Xiao?”

“Yes, (Y/N)?”

“...Have I ever told you how much color you’ve brought into my world?” She wistfully breathed.

The man ascended a trail that made its way up. Paying attention to (Y/N) at the same time, he wore a composed face.

“No, you haven’t,” he replied with a gentle voice. He had to stay strong. Strong for (Y/N).

“Really? I thought I told you before... but maybe it was all a dream.” (Y/N) shut her eyes. The moment between both of them had felt so serene. “I remember telling you all about the new recipe I had prepared. There was also a time where I gave you a Qingxin flower crown... Did you like it?” She asked as her thoughts were jumping everywhere. She was barely conscious, but she still managed to voice out all of her silly concerns.

Xiao didn’t have a clue about what she was talking about. When imagining those random scenarios in his head, he could only pretend like he had experienced that all with her.

“Yes. I liked it a lot.” He went along with what she was saying.

“I see. That makes me very happy.”

Xiao hoisted her in his arms bridal style again, making sure that he doesn’t harm her. Even now, (Y/N) looked so angelic in his arms. The blood that dried up around her body smelled like iron.

“You know... sometimes I feel like meeting you was too good to be true. A dream, even.” (Y/N) rambled freely, pushing her head against Xiao’s chest.

His grip on the girl grew tighter, “I could say the same thing for you too. You don’t understand how much you’ve taught me how colorful the world was.” he pressed her head as close as he could to his neck as he made his way up the mountain.

“Hey... Do you know what the difference between ‘I like you’ and ‘I love you’?” (Y/N) weakly inquired.

Xiao didn’t know how to reply.

“It’s like flowers... When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily.” The girl told the adepti. He grabbed one of (Y/N)’s hands to hold, keeping his warmth closer to him.

“...If you were a Qingxin flower... I would gladly water you every day.” (Y/N) confessed as she began to lose her train of thought.

Xiao’s heart skipped a beat. No one has ever expressed their concern to him before.

She was able to genuinely say that to Xiao with confidence. Her devotion stayed true to him until the end. Her tender touch was enough to tell him that everything was going to be okay, even when he knew damn well that it wasn’t going to be. Xiao wanted to surpass this new and unknown obstacle. He wanted to continue watching over (Y/N) and make sure that she gets all of the love that she deserved.

Xiao leaped onto the floating platforms that lead up to the floating shrine.

This was where he had first met (Y/N).

The setting stayed the same, along with the way the sky was painted similarly as before. This time, it was all different.

Xiao was able to comprehend his mortal emotions.

(Y/N) wanted to live.

Their pasts would contrast with their present now.

“We’re here...” Xiao whispered to his beloved.

The adepti carefully set the frail girl to lean against the stone seat. The warm hues reached her eyelids as she could feel the rays of light shine on her. Xiao had sat down beside her, no longer keeping a distance from her like back then. He couldn’t find the heart to act coldly towards her. Steadily, he stared off into the sunset. It was the same as before.

“It’s so warm here.” (Y/N) noted out loud, resting her head against Xiao’s shoulder. A part of him wanted time to freeze at this moment so he could spend the rest of his life with (Y/N). He felt his heart finding the moment to find momentary peace. If there was a god out there that could stop the entire universe, Xiao would trade anything he had to spend all of the time he could with the girl he held dear to.

“Do you want to know where your surprise is?” (Y/N) softly spoke, her strength dissipating.

The young demon grabbed a hold of one of (Y/N)’s hands. “Where is it?” He asked with a lump in his throat. He could tell in her tone of voice that she was already departing to the other side.

“My little surprise is in that book on the stone slab of this place. There’s a Qingxin flower as a bookmarker so it won’t be that difficult to find. You can go read it now if you want.”

“No.” Xiao clutched her hand.

“I wish to spend the rest of your time with you.” He declared quietly, not wanting to think of anything else. The intrusion of dark thoughts could no longer reach him up here. There was only peace.

(Y/N) hummed, “I see.” as she twiddled with Xiao’s bigger hand. Without thinking, the girl had slid her fingers between his palm, entwining fingers.

“Xiao... I think meeting you was...a serendipitous encounter... We both weren’t anticipating to end up like this. When we both met, we were both looking for something. There’s never been a time where I regretted being with you.” (Y/N) smiled with tranquility as her truth.

The adepti’s heart stung by her sweet yet bitter words.

“You don’t regret being with a demon like me?” He slipped out, throwing out a side of him that he never showed to (Y/N). He was afraid of rejection. What if she really despised him because of what he’s done?

(Y/N) let out a gracious laugh, “You’re not a demon, silly... You’re just as human like me. That’s all there is to it. You’re just like me, Xiao.” she indulged him by embracing him with one last hug.

“I don’t know who told you that but I know for a fact that you’re not a demon. If anything, you’ve acted like a guardian towards me. I value you very much and I wouldn’t want to hear you say otherwise.”

Xiao was amazed at what lengths (Y/N) would go for him. He was never used to her close contact, but for these last moments, he couldn’t help but wanting to savor it all. No one has ever told him that he was someone worth being cared for. They all only looked at him like a weapon of war. With the hands of his, (Y/N) saw it as inviting rather than dangerous.

(Y/N) was definitely different from the rest.

Xiao’s amber eyes had already started to tear up. This was an unfamiliar mental state that he was in. Never had he ever thought that he would make it this far to understand human emotions. Xiao was always a well guarded person who would always distance himself from anyone getting near him and yet...

(Y/N) was always there.

The sentimental words have reached the young adepti. He no longer felt ashamed for expressing how he felt. A slip of a tear fell from his cheek, “(Y/N)..?” he called out again to make sure she was still there.

“...Yes... Xiao?” She replied slowly.

Xiao tugged her closer to him. No one in the world could make him resort to these human senses of him. He only wanted to stay by her side and her side only. 

“I love you.”

(Y/N) pulled away from his hug and saw his somber yet grateful facial expressions. Now that she could see his entire face, she realized she couldn’t put up her strong front anymore.

She began to cry, realizing the weight of their situation.

“I... love you too.”

Xiao felt something that he had forgotten he had in his pocket. Curious as to what it was, he pulled it out and realized it was the flower crown that (Y/N) was talking about.

Had he always have this in his pocket? Where did this come from?

He went back in his thoughts to try to remember where he got this from. All he could remember was that he had felt this object in his pocket after his dream earlier that day.

The black haired young man with teal undertones had carefully knelt down in front of her. With one hand, he grabbed (Y/N)’s other ones as he placed a soft kiss on top. It almost felt like he was a knight preparing to give his vows.

“(Y/N). There’s been a question I’ve always pondered to ask of you. I’m not very sure if we can make do with what little time we have remaining, but I’d appreciated it if you allowed me to have the opportunity.” Xiao started, feeling the girl’s tender gaze upon him. “From the day we’ve met, I had only thought about how foolish mortals were. There was a part of me that refused to take a part in opening up to a newer side of the world. I was more than afraid if you were going to shut me out entirely. I’m just a shell of a sinner... It almost feels morally wrong to even stand near you. But that all had shifted once you sat down next to me under the starry night sky. You were the only one who could change my perspective, and I am eternally grateful for how you’ve healed me.”

He swallowed. What was he saying? He was a bit doubtful if he worded his sentences correctly but he had no choice but to continue.

“...I can’t imagine growing old with anyone else, nor do I want to. When I think about you, I know that no one will hold my heart the same way you do. With you by my side, I feel at peace, and when you’re gone, I’m constantly looking for a way to get closer to you. I’m sure that you’ve had bad memories of this, but I’d like to overwrite those memories with something genuine... (Y/N)... Will you marry me?” Xiao confessed with sincere, heartfelt words. His heartbeat seemed to synchronize at the same time as (Y/N)’s. The atmosphere never felt so enchanting than now. Time was running out for both of them. 

The weakened girl in front of him had no words to say other than yes. Instead of accepting the flower crown that he had held in his grasp, she had caressed the adepti with both of her hands on each side of Xiao’s face. They both met each other’s eyes. His amber ones looking into her (E/C) orbs, perhaps asking for permission before he could continue. (Y/N) slowly nodded, blushing when Xiao had finally leaned forward and had pressed a gentle kiss against the girl’s soft lips.

It was all but peaceful.

Finally.

Xiao was able to get these feelings off of his chest. He gazed at the sunset once more before he picked up (Y/N) again and sat her against the stone bench where he held her by the waist.

“I’m... feeling... tired...” The girl had said with complete honesty.

Xiao couldn’t help but feel pity when he saw his lover. She was deteriorating faster than he would’ve imagined. It was like he was watching another Qingxin flower lose its petals. She slowly hummed again, a harmonious tune that would ingrain into Xiao’s memories.

“Are you... afraid of death?” The adepti watched with attentive eyes. As someone who inflicted death among others, it would certainly be a different experience if he had asked someone who was about to go through it.

(Y/N) shook her head. “...When I’m with you...? Never. I’m not... afraid.” She wheezed a little bit, leaning her head on Xiao’s shoulder once more. Although time was running out, she kept wearing her brave smile as she fell drowsier.

“...Smile... for... me?” (Y/N)’s voice ran out as she was clinging onto life for as long as she could. Her final wish.

Xiao’s most difficult task to do. During this time as he watched everything he had developed with this girl slowly bloom throughout his heart. From all the times they’ve stayed up watching after the kids and talked until the dead of the night. Through the harsh rains and cold days, Xiao would continue to stand by her side. It was something worth protecting. He was given a reason to continue on with a more fulfilling purpose. She had given it all to him with open arms.

He trembled, but continued to wipe his tears. Taking a deep breath, he blocked out all of the worst thoughts that could flow into his head. He had to do it for her now. He has to answer her prayers.

There he was. The man that had worn his composed and calm features had been able to send (Y/N) one last smile. His lips quivered as he attempted to hold a brave front. He has to commend (Y/N) for having that special ability. The (H/C) haired girl shut her eyes. Yes... This was all she ever wanted.

She never felt so free until now. The freedom that she had always wanted was now granted to her.

The adepti had endured the last bits of time he could spend with her. With the way that (Y/N) grinned with no regrets, he felt the seconds going by like hours.  This was all he could do for her now.

...So this was love.

What a strong emotion. No wonder why mortals fight for what they believe in. Before he met her, he was just an empty husk with no concept of what it takes to be human. Now that (Y/N) showed him the ways of how life could be spent, it would be the end of her journey.

It was just two companions that were dreaming alongside each other. Two contrasting people that come from two different backgrounds. No matter how far he came with her, he couldn’t help but notice what solitude truly was when something he cherished was now gone.

Xiao just wanted to remain with her until her final moments.

Before Xiao could completely doze off, he planted the well-crafted Qingxin crown on (Y/N)’s head, gently planting a kiss on her forehead, bidding his reluctant farewell.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).” He whispered to her for the last time, fulfilling her first request he hadn’t answered in the beginning. The lump in his throat was building up his regret, remembering how he promised to kill her so she would be put to rest and be free. He didn’t know how badly he wanted to go back in time and convince her to fight and live on.

He shut his eyes, not recognizing how hard it is to let go. He couldn’t envision the idea of her leaving him behind until now. After she had held onto his hand for so long, it seems that the last chapters of (Y/N)’s life has come to an end. The adepti pressed his forehead against (Y/N)’s, hoping that his words could somehow reach her. It was thanks to her, he was able to live like he was alive. He shut his eyes tightly, praying that somehow he could reach out to her again. 

“...I’ll miss you dearly, my love.”

✦

-=+=-

Epilogue | Adeptus’ Retirement

(Y/N) had always known.

She knew that Xiao was a weapon of war.

When searching around remnants of fallen towns to take care of more children, some wandering travelers would tell rumors of the demon that would ruthlessly kill thousands. (Y/N) never paid any attention to it until she heard a tale of an evil archon utilizing him for his own selfish needs. 

She thought to herself, “I will find a way to save him.” as she continued to roam and travel by on her own to find a way to free him. The week before (Y/N) had broken down in front of Xiao, she had already climbed up to the Foundation of Plaustrite once more, hearing that an archon of contracts would appear one fateful night.

When she did encounter that archon, she had first spoken to him like she was talking to an ordinary human. The archon, Morax, had listened in on her story as she explained how Xiao was forced to commit these heinous acts of violence.

“He had helped me realize that I wanted to continue living. I came up here in hopes that I could find this God of Contracts and tell him my wish.” She said with a brave heart.

Rex Lapis listened intently in his human form. This would benefit all of Liyue if he could save the young demon from the evil archon. 

“I wish that he could be as free as a crane. I wish for him to find something worthy to protect. I wish for him to be proud of a name that he can tell others.” (Y/N) prayed while looking at the moon with the archon next to her.

“What name did you give him?” The god inquired.

She smiled, “Xiao.” while looking down at her feet. She knew that it had a few different meanings like “demon”, but she could only see the name to be fitting for someone heavenly.

The archon crossed his arms, knowing that this human girl was going to be the one to change history.

“It’s a deal.”

✦

She was sent into a dream realm. Her body seemed to feel lighter than ever, and she could only see a field of pure white flowers that blossomed on its own. In the distance, she could see the young adepti, laying peacefully in the field. (Y/N) had laid down on the grass right next to the dreaming demon.

Her time was about to come.

In order for her contract to be fulfilled, she must give up her life.

(Y/N) held Xiao’s hand tightly.

It was a wish she knew was worth protecting.

“I want you to be free. I want you to feel human. I want you to feel loved.”

The girl didn’t know death could be so alleviating. The other side was now beyond her reach, and she could slowly feel herself falling asleep. Even so, she continued to talk to Xiao like he was awake. A part of her hoped that she was somehow connected to Xiao in her dream.

She talked about the special almond tofu that she was supposed to be preparing and she had crafted a Qingxin crown while she rambled on. To her surprise, she felt a hand grab her arm. Turning around, she made eye contact with the young man who she thought was resting.

“Please...” He muttered in his sleep, turning over to come closer to the girl.

(Y/N) was taken aback, but then had smiled wistfully. Maybe she did have one more thing to do before she left this world to meet death. Without thinking, she had carefully tucked her Qingxin crown into the side of Xiao’s pocket.

“As proof that I was here... I’ll give this to you.”

She hovered over the resting man and had laid on top of him with a gentle hug.

If she could go back in time and relive every moment with him, she would.

...

She woke up.

That’s when she saw Xiao in front of her at the raid of her home. Well, what was left of their home. She knew that there was an attack launched when she was unconscious in the dream realm. Morax had informed her that the evil archon would order the bandits to come to kill the rest of her family at the ruins they lived in. It was also a consequence that the contract came with.

But it doesn’t matter anymore.

(Y/N) wanted to be selfish again.

“Welcome home.”

✦

When Xiao woke up, he no longer felt a presence next to him. Wondering what could have happened, he knew that he shouldn’t ask any more questions. Instead, he opened up the notebook that (Y/N) had left behind for him. With the Qingxin bookmarker, he had flipped open the book to read what (Y/N) left behind for him.

At that moment, he could no longer hold back the flow of tears.

After reading the truth.

After reading the contract.

After reading her sacrifice.

Xiao let out a blood-curdling scream. 

Never in his life had he ever heard his voice come out of his throat like that. Never had he ever thought that (Y/N) would be so important to him. He couldn’t help kneeling down on the floor of the shrine and curling up while holding the notebook to his chest.

After everything she’s done for him, he couldn’t let it all go in vain.

“I’ll fight. I’ll fight again. I’ll fight and make sure I grant your wish, (Y/N). I’ll do anything if it means that you can see me from wherever you are!”

Xiao missed her.

He missed her so much.

He missed (Y/N).

✦ 

Xiao fought. He no longer served under the evil archon and had pledged his allegiance to Rex Lapis. There was a long period of time, peace for Liyue, the type of peace that (Y/N) had wished for.

The guardian yaksha had sat on the Foundation of Plaustrite once again as he looked off and into the sunset. A thousand years had passed since (Y/N)’s passing. War never ended fast like how he hoped it would, but he continued to hold onto the feelings he had for (Y/N) until the very end.

The yaksha was now around two thousand years old. Although he distanced himself from the mortals he swore to protect, his memories were far from faded from the day he had serendipitously encountered the ethereal angel, (Y/N).

Between adepti and humans, he knew that relations between them were very possible. He couldn’t forget (Y/N)’s scent. As he sat on the stone slab, he could almost feel (Y/N)’s soul. It was almost like she was leaning her head on his shoulder again.

He placed the Qingxin flowers he had collected from the highest points of Liyue and rested them beside him. The atmosphere felt a little bit nostalgic as he watched the sun go down.

Xiao had peered at the little desk of books that were piled on each other over the years that had passed. With careful eyes, he picked up the worn out notebook that (Y/N) had left behind for him. Every time he felt like he was losing himself, he would flee to this floating sanctuary that he once met (Y/N) at.

He felt the cover of the book, not realizing how much time had passed as he continued to live on as a proud yaksha.

Slowly, he turned the book cover open and began reading the pages again.

“Dear Xiao...

Did you like the gift I gave you? I wasn’t sure what to do when I first heard that you were being enslaved by a cruel archon. I did everything in my power to make sure that I could somehow make my wish for you a reality.

Rex Lapis was a compassionate archon I never thought I would meet. He listened to my tale and had decided to make a contract with me so you could be set free. At that moment, I knew that it was going to cost the lives of our entire family and I.

I’m sorry.

I knew that if I had told you my plans, you would do everything within your power to stop it.

It’s funny how I wanted to die so badly.

The day that we both met was a very fortunate day.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

You were my reason.

So with that, I hope that you’ll feel as free as a crane. I hope that you’re living to protect something important again. I hope that you’re opening up to humans more and face them with no hostility. Even when you’re around children, I find it adorable that you had somehow kept a soft spot for them. I hope that you’re doing well and living the rest of your days with peace.

Maybe one day we can meet again.

And if we do meet again...

I hope you’ll fall for me one more time.

Love, (Y/N).”

The man had sighed to himself, closing the book and resting it in his lap. A part of him wanted to thank the evil archon for telling him to love. He knew that the archon wanted to use Xiao’s resentment to multiply his power during the war, but it didn’t turn out how he thought it would.

The moon began to rise in the night sky. Out far in the distance, he could see all of the floating lanterns from where he rested. Xiao knew that the beginning of the lantern festival had begun. The guardian yaksha was grateful to be the only one to know why the festival was hosted on this very day.

It was in memory of (Y/N).

The floating lanterns glowed from afar, making Xiao slowly smile to himself. If what (Y/N) said in her writings were true, then he would gladly await the day he would meet her again.

With a new age of Liyue and with no calamity threatening Teyvat, Xiao was able to sit back and relax as he watched the lanterns float in the sky.

This was the beginning of an Adeptus’ retirement.

-=+=-

AN: My god. This took about three full days for me to write. I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading this. I spent so much time thinking, writing, and crying over this idea for Xiao for the longest time. I’m so glad that I was able to tell myself to post this, ignoring the fear that no one would like it at all. With the new year that’s about to come, I can’t wait to see experience and see the next chapter of my life could be. Thank you for reading this. I wish you to stay safe and hope that you’ve enjoyed this piece of writing I have left to give. You don’t have to like or reblog the post, but if you really feel like this had resonated in you, I would deeply appreciate it if you could like or reblog it. I want other people who love Xiao to read this if they could. It would mean a lot to me. Again, thank you for reading up to this point, and I wish you a happy new year.

[the-expose-on-girls]

Deceived by the New Girl Trope

We've all seen it in movies and in real life more times than we can count: new girl in a new town, feeling nervous and a little shy about making friends as she enters a new school or a new church. The movies always depict her newness as making her vulnerable, since she knows nothing of the social groups/hierarchy or the backgrounds of people in the new environment. Often, the mean girls take advantage of her vulnerability to bully and/or manipulate her.

My own experience in middle school when my family moved to a new town was much the same. The older mean girls all took one look at me and blocked me out of their cliques. During group activities, they would talk amongst themselves, blatantly ignoring me as if I wasn't there. They made it clear I was not welcome. It was a long time before I made any friends, whom were fellow outcasts and misfits like myself, for our "lame" clothes and frizzy hair.

Flash forward a few years to when I finally got my social footing in this new town. I knew everyone and everyone knew me. Then, in walked a new girl. She had the same "lame" fashion, the same frizzy hair, and was wearing the most "uncool" glasses ever made. The way the mean girl cliques had treated me still stung like it had happened yesterday. With that in mind, I went out of my way to befriend the new girl, take her into my circle, and make her feel welcome like no one had done for me. I didn't want her to go through the same loneliness I did.

The possibility that my efforts could backfire in my face never occurred to me. Prior to moving to this town, I had never been bullied, so I was pitifully naive. The new girl and I emailed back and forth for many months. It was all pretty normal at first. But as time went on, she became increasingly "judgy" about everything I liked. I would tell her that I liked a certain singer and she would counter with, "Oh, I would never listen to music like that." I would say that I liked a certain dessert and she would write back something along the lines of, "That's okay for you, I guess. I don't eat things with that much sugar." Looking back at those e-mails, now, her tone was dripping with condescension, but at the time I was just so happy to have a friend to talk to that I didn't notice.

One day, she stopped replying to my messages. She stopped sitting with me at church. She started hanging out with the cool girls. From that point on, in all of her interactions with me, she treated me with a haughty, superior attitude. This sudden change coincided with her becoming "fashionable", though she now posts old photos from those days and laughs at how dorky she looked even after her "glow up". I learned years later that she also formed a clique at her school and excluded other girls so she could feel superior to them. Exactly the way I had been treated when I moved here. I felt so defeated. I tried to welcome her, to help her adjust to this new place, and she just used me as an in-road to form her own cliques.

Jump ahead a few years to early high school. Another new girl crossed my path. Still shockingly naive and forgetting what happened last time, I did the very same thing: I took her under my wing and tried to help her settle in. Wouldn't you know she did almost the exact same thing as the first girl? Except this one manipulated me and tried to come between me and my best friend, as she formed her own toxic little clique. That's a whole big story of its own and it doesn't end well.

You would think I would have learned my lesson by then. But it took once more to traumatize me enough that I would have a healthy wariness towards newcomers. Same thing: new girl, I befriend her, and she uses that position to backstab me before forming a clique that excludes me.

Third time's the charm. I've been backstabbed by enough newcomers that now I give them distance and a cold attitude until they prove to me they are safe to be around. It's sad that it has to be that way.

Don't let movies lie to you. The new girl isn't a damsel in distress or a helpless sitting duck for bullies. More often than not, in my experience, she is a wrecking ball with the destructive capacity of a hurricane.

[ikeromantic]

An Uncertain Alliance

A Mitsuhide Akechi fanfic- this scene occurs at the start of Ch. 11 (romantic route- picking one was hard!). Approx 3000 words of fluff and stuff. 

First: Mitsuhide and the Maiden

Previous: Fox Hunt

Mitsuhide took a few more days in Kyoto to wrap up his business. He could have managed most with letters, but he wanted to be here for any reply from Mouri. The madman’s participation wasn’t a requirement to move forward, but his access to men and weapons would make life so much simpler. And it was an excuse to pamper his little mouse.

Not that he let her know that was his objective. To her it was just happenstance that their trip to visit an informant passed by a beautiful garden or a talented street performer. Or that the tea shop they stopped in surprisingly carried her favorite snacks. Her joy was Mitsuhide’s pleasure. He stored every memory of her delighted smiles and happy sighs. The look in her eyes when something took her breath away. 

And so he was almost disappointed the day the letter came, informing him Mouri would meet him at an upcoming festival in Kyoto. Mitsuhide didn’t want to discuss Mouri with his little one. Besides, he wasn’t sure what he could say that would do justice to the man and his reputation. So all he told her was that they’d be going to the festival together. 

It was a good location for a contact. Any city guards would be busy keeping order and no one there would likely know either of them on sight. Plus, the crowds would make it hard to get away with any violent double-cross. Still, it made him uneasy.

Meeting Mouri in a place he chose meant trusting there was no trap. And trusting Mouri was like expecting a rabid dog not to bite. Or, not to bite you anyway. 

“Are you worried about our mission,” she asked him as they walked through the crowded festival avenues. 

Mitsuhide glanced down at her and smiled. “No - not about our mission.” His little mouse looked as if she might squeak up again, so he added, “Let’s not think about it and just enjoy the festival together, hm?”

She frowned. “How can I not think about it? I mean, the sho-ah, shark-eyes, is planning our destruction as we speak!” 

“As we are planning his.” He stopped and faced her. “Right now, I am more interested in plotting a pleasant evening with you.” The half-truth stung, but he needed her to relax. To smile. To be his light. Because he knew he would do terrible, dark things still and without that balance, he would lose this sliver of peace they’d made together.

His little one blinked, surprised by the intensity of his response. “Oh. Well, that does sound nice . . .”

“Look,” Mitsuhide pointed toward a nearby food stall. “Candy sculptures.” The distraction worked as intended. Her gaze lit on the delicate confections, twisted around sticks into all kinds of shapes. 

She clapped her hands together in excitement. “They are so pretty! Can we get one?”

“We can get as many as you like,” he chuckled, letting her lead him to the stall. While she was ogling the display, he asked for two crane candies. Cranes were life-mates. Bonded from the moment they touched. He wasn’t sure she would understand the symbolism, but that was alright. 

Then they walked on, hand in hand, enjoying the sugary treat. 

“I’m glad you decided to bring me here,” she said after a moment.

“Well, it was you that reminded me humans - and kitsune - cannot go on without rest.” Mitsuhide watched her from the corner of his eye. She was finally smiling. Her small, pink tongue darted out to taste the candied crane. It made him want to kiss her. To taste the sugar on her lips, which would be far sweeter than the confection in his hand. He quite suddenly wished they were back in their room at the inn.

“Good.” She grinned over at him and bumped her hip against his leg. “So, why cranes? There were horses and dragons. Those colorful fish ones.”

A slight blush stained his cheeks as he realized she might have caught on to his choice. He cleared his throat. “Did you know that cranes mate for life?” He used the candy to ‘kiss’ her cheek. 

Her eyes went wide and her smile was soft and full of affection. She raised her candy up to give him a kiss on the lips. 

Mitsuhide took advantage of the moment to ‘kiss’ the crane back, which brought a rosy color to her cheeks too. The moment ended all too soon though. He saw the man they were here to meet approaching. Tall, and limned in red-lantern light that stained him blood-red. Motonari Mouri.

“Look,” he gestured toward the figure. “That is one of our potential allies. What lucky -”

“So this is the real reason we came to the festival. I knew it had to be more than a fun night out!” She looked up at him, eyes dancing. “You can’t fool me, kitsune.”

Mitsuhide smiled fondly. “I suppose not. But a nice evening with you is also part of the plan. This is just the part I didn’t mention earlier.”

Her gaze went back to Mouri. “Who is he? What does he do?”

“Hmm. I suppose you could call him an artisan of violence. A creatively murderous fighter. I almost shudder to think of the horrors awaiting anyone that crosses him.” Mitsuhide’s tone was playful, but he was deadly serious about Mouri. He wanted her to understand this was not a kind soul they were allying with, but a killer.

His little one nodded once, squaring her shoulders. She might have asked more, but Mouri was too close now for further conversation.

“I gotta say, Kyoto knows how to have a festival.” Motonari greeted them with his usual swagger. “Nice as it is, this place is gonna be yer funeral if I don’t like what ya got to say. Savvy?” He took in Mitsuhide with a wary glance and then looked to the chatelaine. Where his eyes lingered longer than necessary.

Mitsuhide felt his jaw twitch and did his best to restrain the reaction. 

His little one took a step back, her face going pale. This only encouraged Mouri. 

“Who’s yer little friend here, eh?” Motonari took a step closer to her, raising a hand as if he was going to touch her.

Mitsuhide stepped between them smoothly. “This is my fiancee.”

Motonari grinned wider. “You brought your little lady to parley. With me.” He laughed, a sound edged with madness. “I like a man that doesn’t respect the rules.”

The chatelaine poked her head around to look at Mouri. 

“My love, this is Motonari Mouri. I’m sure you’ve heard of him.” Which he was because he’d given her that lesson himself. 

“Of course.” She came out to stand beside him, putting her brave face on. “You conquered the whole south but . . . I thought you died?”

Mouri laughed again. “I gotta say, the best part o’ that introduction is the bit where yer eyes went wide with horror.” 

Mitsuhide did not appreciate the way Mouri’s gaze swept up and down his little mouse, or the rise of his brows as he tried - in his crude way - to flirt. “Yes, she is a delight isn’t she? Touch her and you’ll leave this meeting with one less hand.” A crude threat for a crude man . . . or so he rationalized.

“That so? Guess it depends on how many parts you plan ta leave behind.” Motonari threw back his head, laughing so hard he shook. 

The chatelaine interrupted with a polite cough. “If - if I may ask - how did you two meet?”

“Until recently, we were both in the service of Shogun Ashikaga Yoshiaki,” Mitsuhide replied. He didn’t want to give Mouri the opportunity to characterize their relationship, such as it was.

Motonari got control of himself in time to nod, adding. “I slipped out before Mitsuhide here. But I promised him a good bloodbath before I left.” He wiped a fleck of spittle from his lip. “So, out with it. Why’d you invite me to meet?” 

Mitsuhide watched Mouri slide his gloved hands into his jacket. He took out a pistol and spun it lazily, waiting for an answer. “Motonari, there’s no need to play coy. You know why I contacted you. You watched my little drama play out at Honnoji, from start to unsatisfying finish.” He pointedly did not look directly at the gun and kept his expression one of thin-lipped indifference.

“Mind-reader. No wonder people get so twitchy around you.” Mouri shrugged one shoulder, his eyes narrowing. “You want help killing the shogun.”

“Very much so.”

Mouri pointed the pistol at Mitsuhide. “Does it get drafty in that big empty space o’ yer head? I didn’t come here tonight to get disappointed!”

The chatelaine bit her lip and looked for a moment as if she might run. Mitsuhide could feel the way her body tensed, but she held still. 

All he did was raise an eyebrow. “Oh? What part of this disappoints?”

Motonari scoffed. “How ‘bout the whole damn thing? Tell ya what - I got one goal. Just one. And that’s ta get you and Kenshin. Shingen. Nobunaga. Hell, anyone worth a damn, into one big, bloody melee.” His lips twitched into a half smile. “If everyone’s not trying to kill each other, then it’s not much of a party!” 

He gestured at Mitsuhide with his gun. “Ya think I’m gonna waste my time with some small fry like the shogun? I should shoot you right here, right now, in place o’ asking fer an apology. In fact.” He stroked the unlit fuse.. “I think I will.” Mouri pressed the barrel against Mitsuhide’s head, digging the iron into his skin.

Mitsuhide knew his little one was contemplating some mad attempt to ‘rescue’ him and rather than reply to Motonari, he first looked at her. Waiting to see a slight nod that meant she understood she was to stay still. He had this handled. In fact, it was going better than he’d expected. Mouri was playing right into his hands.

“I see. You plan to leave the shogun free to roam, ensuring that your long dreamed of bloodbath remains only a fantasy.” Mitsuhide sighed. “I expected better from you.”

Mouri raised an eyebrow. His pistol didn’t so much as twitch.

“Surely you see it.” Mitsuhide waited a beat, then continued. “The shogun will never engage with Nobunaga - or any of his enemies - in open combat. If he did, he might lose. Instead he will seek to assassinate them, one at a time. Subtly. An accident here, a mysterious illness there. Until there are none left to take the field. No celebration. No battle. Only quiet, pathetic deaths. One enemy after another. Who knows, perhaps he would even target you.”

“I’m not afraid of him.” Motonari’s defiant reply was somewhat spoiled by the nervous way he licked his lips.

Mitsuhide smiled. “Of course not. But your bloodbath will be severely lacking when there is no one there to bleed. A good party requires . . . guests - does it not?”

Mouri chuckled. “Ya got a silver tongue. But it’ll be so much viscera on the paving stones when I pull this trigger.”

“Mhmm. I imagine parts of me would travel quite far. Perhaps spattering the food stall there, or some of those festival-goers.”

“They told me you were tricky, kitsune. But no one mentioned you were mad.” Motonari closed the distance between them until he was close enough to kiss. 

Mitsuhide stared into the depths of his red glare, imitating the madman’s own body language. Gold on scarlet glinted in the light of the festival lanterns in this space of tense silence.

Then Motonari started laughing. His breath smelled of sake and tobacco. “Alright. Ya got me. I’m in, just this once.” And he lowered his pistol.

Mitsuhide watched as the madman carefully wiped down the barrel and placed it back in the holster. His hand found the chatelaine’s icy fingers. He gripped her hand tightly. She was alright and so was he. The gambit had paid off.

“The only place I’ll let Nobunaga and the rest die is in a sea of blood and gunpowder. By my hand.” Motonari sounded certain as he said this. As sure as he would be telling them the sun would rise in the east.

“Then I believe we have a deal.” Mitsuhide knew the bargain would only last so long as Mouri saw the necessity of it. And stayed entertained. Hopefully they could locate the shogun quickly and be done with this.

Motonari gave a snort that might be agreement, then gestured to the candy Mitsuhide still held. “Say, why don’t ya treat yer new ally to some o’ that fancy candy, huh?”

“You . . . want candy?” Mitsuhide couldn’t help the ways his eyebrows rose. 

“Yeah. So run along and get some fer me. The lady an’ I will wait fer ya right here.” Mouri took a step toward the chatelaine. 

Mitsuhide didn’t need to be psychic to know what ran through his little mouse’s head. It was written in her face in large, panicked script. ‘Don’t leave me alone with this maniac!’ The kitsune thought fast. “I am sure I could deliver a better token of friendship to you at a later da-”

“I ain’t asking fer a better token o’ whatever.” His voice rasped and his hand moved toward the holster of his gun again. 

That was the problem with unstable allies. They couldn’t be relied on. Even the simplest things could set them off. Any situation could become a violent one at the drop of a pin. But what bothered Mitsuhide the most was this. There was only one reason for this particular request. Mouri wanted to be alone with the chatelaine. Why?

“Yer girl will still be here when ya get back.” Motonari smiled like a shark. A hungry one.

“Go ahead, Mitsu. Get him some candy. I’ll be fine.” She gave Mitsuhide an uneasy smile.

“I’ll be right back.” It made him feel ill to say it but Mitshide knew it would be better to go along with the madman than to fight him on such a small request. And besides, if he tried anything, the chatelaine would scream. Then, Mouri would lose more than his life. So it was reasonably safe to leave them for a few minutes.

Mitsuhide glanced back at them as he hurried away. Mouri was sitting beside the chatelaine now, almost close enough for his hip to touch hers. Bile surged in his belly. No one should be so close to his little mouse. No one but him. Just hurry up, he told himself. Hurry and get back.

He found a closer stall with the same kinds of candy and picked out a fish for Motonari. Then hurried back. His little one was smiling at the madman and Mouri looked . . . confused. Jealousy burned through his veins in a wave, and he almost ran the last few steps, shoving the stick of candy between the two of them. “There. Your candy. Now get away from her.”

The last sentence was almost a growl, and Mitsuhide couldn’t help the way he reached for his little one. Pulled her close. She was his, her smile and her laugh. Her kind eyes. Mouri deserved to be close to none of it. 

Even as the jealousy burned through him, a colder, more logical part of Mitsuhide scolded him for his rash behavior. This was not like him at all. This display. What did it hurt, even if Motonari was flirting with the chatelaine? Nothing, really. Except . . . except Mitsuhide didn’t want her to be anywhere near that madman. She could get hurt. Not just physically - but her heart and her sweet spirit. He had to protect her.

Motonari seemed unaffected as he took the stick of candy and popped it in his mouth. “There’s somethin’ wrong with yer lady friend. She’s crazier’n I am,” he said around the stick.

“There is nothing wrong with her. She is perfect.” The words were out before he’d even had time to consider his response. This was . . . odd. He never spoke without thinking. Never.

“That so? Cause from here it looks like her madness is contagious. Gettin’ worse from person to person.” He chomped down on the candy, crushing the spun sugar figure between his teeth.

Mitshide’s first instinct was to slap the sweet out of his mouth and break his teeth with a well-placed elbow. But he held himself still, rigid. His heart was beating fast and he felt hot - shaky. Acting now would be . . . ill-advised.

Motonari shook his head and stood up. He addressed the chatelaine. “Better hope yer man doesn’t get tripped up by his love-addled brain. If he does,” he took the candy out of his mouth and pointed toward her with the jagged, chewed end. “I’ll fall on you.”

This threat was more than Mitsuhide could stand still for. He pushed his little one behind him and grabbed the hilt of his sword. “You will stay away from her! If you take a step closer to her - now or ever - I will remove your head from your neck.” The words were a barely audible snarl.

If Mouri was worried about this, it didn’t show. He only smiled his shark-like grin. “Where’d your disguise go, kitsune? Your real face is showing now. Barking like a fox in a trap.”

Mitsuhide tried to get control of his breath. To push the murderous rage in his chest back down. To slide his mask back into place. 

From behind him, his little one hugged his back. “There’s nothing to worry about. My Mitsuhide won’t trip up.”

Motonari shrugged. “We’ll see.” Then he was walking away, swagger firmly in place.

Mitsuhide watched him go, and when he was out of sight, finally let go of his sword hilt. He was shaking. He turned to wrap his arms around his little one. Feeling her warm body pressed tight, the steady rhythm of heartbeat and breath, calmed him. She was here and safe and his. 

“Are you alright,” she asked, her voice muffled against him.

“Yes. I . . . I’m fine.” But he wasn’t. This was only the first of several dangerous meetings they would need to undergo in this quest to see the shogun taken down. There would be more meetings with Mouri and others. He had to find a way to control this - this response of his. Otherwise Motonari was right.

Next: Future-Speak

[justice4harwin]

Light’s Corruption-Chapter IX

Summary: With few friends at the Little Palace, Alina must work to win the favour of her fellow grisha and their commander, who makes her feel light headed every time she sees him.

After training in Os Alta for two years, the king grows tired of waiting and demands the Sun Summoner joins a western post near the Fjerdan border along with the rest of The Second Army to test her abilities.

Something happens. Suddenly, Alina wants blood to run down the rivers and those who stand in her and The Darkling’s way will be blinded by her light and swallowed by his shadows.

It won’t be pretty.

Pairing: The DarklingxAlina

Rating: 18+

As usual, the tags are in the comments; if you no longer want to be in the list or wanna be added, please don’t hesitate to let me know :)

Click here for chapter VIII if you missed it

Chapter 9: Dancers

Aleksander

When Alina met with him at the entrance to the Little Palace just before dawn, she looked slightly green.

He suppressed a small smile. A still half-drunk Genya had reported to him of his summoner's activities, and while it was technically not allowed to hold celebrations, he'd make no comment nor punish Alina for it. Did it really count if it was just the two of them anyways? They had already developed the custom of eating and drinking the afternoon away together. Besides, he needed her on his side.

"How are you feeling, Alina?" he asked, starting to walk towards the gates, where two Oprichniki were posted.

She followed slowly, her feet dragging across the floor.

"Great. Cold and tired, but I'm peachy." she said in the most monotonous voice he had heard from her so far.

She was truly amusing sometimes, more so than Ivan, maybe.

"Let us go." he offered her his arm, and she eyed it like she suspected it to be a disguised rifle before gladly taking it.

They strode out of the Little Palace into the biting cold of the ravkan winter on their own. There was no need guards when Alina was with him.

They walked far down south, nearing the woods that formed part of the Palaces grounds.

"Why do we have to do it so early?" Alina complained, taking a fist to her mouth.

If he did not know any better, he would think she was about to vomit.

"So nobody else gets to see you." he explained as they came to a stop at the edge of the woods. She dropped her hand and he immediately missed the warmth of her body. "Most people enjoy sleeping in late, especially during this season."

"You mean the king is a lazy bastard?"

He smiled, briefly.

"You learn faster than I thought."

"I'm insulted." Alina said, brows frowned, looking sicker by the second. "Everyone keeps saying that."

He felt tempted to tease her further, but he caught himself before he did such nonsense and cleared his head.

"Call the light."

It was still dark enough that they would not need to summon his shadows during the first few lessons.

She gulped, cheeks puffing for a second, and then did as asked. A big orb of light appeared from her pretty…from her hands, warming up the space they occupied.

"Now what?"

"Do it again but try to control the size."

Alina obeyed, the light fading before she made it re-appear again, smaller. She did it again and again without need to be told, making the orb of light smaller and smaller until it was nothing but a candle's flame.

"Good. Now make it bigger."

He watched as she did it, the orb growing, taking over her arms, then taking over her entire body, then taking over his as well, and then grew a little more, maybe a meter or two, before it began to flicker.

"You are afraid." he said plainly.

"I'm not!" of course she would have it in herself to argue with him, even in such a state.

"You will not loose control, Alina." he told her calmly, sure of his words as he was sure of his name. "You are far stronger than you give yourself credit for."

She looked at him, her dark eyes full of hope, and something deeper he did not accomplish to decipher. Saints, he hated when she did that.

Alina closed her eyes then, and with a deep breath, she bought her hands in towards her sides and expanded again. The orb grew and kept growing, melting the snow in its way, leaving everything drenched and in various shapes of green and browns, as if autumn had not abandoned them.

He watched her in fascination as she dropped her hands and still, the light remained.

She truly was stronger than she realised.

She looked at him.

"Now what?" she asked, her voice, so soft and lovely, anyone else would not guess her to wield such a great power.

"Now the real work begins." he breathed out, his hands itching for something. He was not sure what. Her? or her power?

In the blink of an eye, the light disappeared, and she hunched over, heavily throwing up on the damp, green grass.

He sighed, walking over and around her to hold her hair back.

The real work would begin after she was feeling better.

Alina liked it when mommy made water dance. It made her giggle, and she loved chasing the flow, even though she knew she'd never catch it.

Daddy liked it when the water danced too. One time, when Alina asked him if he could make something dance too, he had pulled her up into his arm and grabbed mommy with his other free arm and made them all twirl until the world spun and their humble, temporary home was full of childish joy.

They didn't have much, but love, that was something that overflowed the small hut they lived in.

When she was maybe four, or at least that was the amount of fingers Alina showed the people of the village when they asked her age with a little smile, her parents decided to go live in another village near Caryeva.

Little Alina was used to that. They never stayed too long in one place. It did make her a little sad though, for she always had to say goodbye to her little friends, and Alina hated saying goodbye.

"Why don't we live in one place, pappa?" she asked, her tiny hand clasped in his.

He looked down as they advanced, his hair almost shining in a colour that was very close to black when the sun hit it right.

"Because exploring is fun!" he had said, although his smile didn't quite reach his blue eyes.

"I know you like exploring." she said, rolling her eyes. She knew that already, why was he so dummy and didn't answer her question? Watching as her mommy walked a few paces ahead, she smiled. "That is how you met mamma isn't it?"

"Exactly!" he said, pinching her nose affectionately. "And we get to make lots, lots of friends!"

"But then we never see them again." the child complained.

Her father frowned slightly.

"The memories are what count, Alinochka."

The child felt sad anyways. She wanted to stay in one place for more than a season. Besides, she didn't like being lied to, and as small as she was, she could tell there were things her parents didn't tell her.

"Tell me again how you and mommy met!" she asked, taking a small leap. If he didn't want to listen to her, then he could talk.

He sighed dramatically, but smiled and placed her in his shoulders before he began the tale.

Her pappa had always liked to travel. He wanted to know the entire world. When his parents died when he was fifteen -Alina struggled to count with her fingers, but he showed her how much with his own hand-, he set off to see all of Ravka, even making it through The Fold. He wandered up north, where the fjerdans lived in their eternal winters -or so he said-, and quickly got bored, so he decided to go back to Ravka and continue south.

He found himself in Shu Han, where he stayed longer. He headed northeast, where he discovered a small village of people who could make things dance, just like mommy. And Mommy was there!

He was allowed to stay there, so long as he kept quiet about their dancing abilities. He learned the language, and he went on pursuit of mommy. Daddy always said that she just couldn't resist his 'charms' -whatever those were, they sounded gross-, to which mommy would raise an eyebrow and question him. Alina loved that part, for mommy and daddy would start teasing each other about who loved who first. She always giggled like mad as mommy playfully splashed water on daddy's face.

The part of the story Alina didn't like was the one that took place a long time after pappa had settled with the dancing people. He told her, with a small, almost scared voice, that one day, mean people showed up uninvited at the village, and he and mommy ran into the mountains, for the mean people didn't know how to dance and wanted to learn how to.

"They didn't ask nicely?"

"No, Alina, they didn't. They didn't think it was normal for people to make things dance."

"Oh; …but it's so pretty!" she would say, not understanding why those mean people couldn't ask nicely to be taught.

They realized Alina was in mommy's tummy halfway through their journey back to Ravka through the mountains.

They both told her of how she was born at sunrise, in the middle of a field surrounded by nothing but two old stone columns.

That was where they were headed to again.

Alina couldn't wait to see the place.

They stayed in a village nearby first, during a few weeks, much to the child's frustration. She wanted to see the place with the columns! But her parents had to work.

They stayed in a muddy inn Alina didn't like, where neither she nor her mother would walk around by themselves. The people there stared at them funny, they didn't wave their hands back when Alina did it with a big grin; but they were nice enough to pappa.

Alina asked why.

"We don't look like them, my love." her mother had told her one night as she undid what was left of the braid she had sported during the day. "That makes some people wary."

"What's wary?"

"It means that things and people that are different or look different make them uncomfortable."

"But pappa isn't uncomf-con-comf-uncomfy-"

"Uncomfortable." she laughed serenely, tucking her into the bed they all had to share.

"That! And look!" she said, turning and taking her hair in her tiny hands, expanding it to both sides. "I have ugly hair like him." her mother laughed again, her own, silky black hair falling down her back in a mesmerizing way. Alina sat on the bed, hands pinching the thin sheets. "He likes to be around us."

"He does." her mother agreed.

"Will you take me to see the place with the columns tomorrow?"

Her mother placed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"We can't go yet, my love." she answered softly.

"When?"

"When we find a small place to live in while we stay here, your father will take you."

Alina rolled her eyes. She knew they'd probably be long gone before that. It had something to do with her mother not wanting to join an army of dancers like her. Her parents wouldn't tell her, even though she now needed a second hand to show people how old she was!

She said nothing though, and let her mother lean down and place a kiss atop her forehead.

"I love you." her mamma whispered.

"Me too. And pappa." she yawned, turning on her side. The bed was big, and they had to share, but even at the tender age of six, Alina was so small she could get lost in it. "Tell him when he gets back from work."

"I will."

The little girl fell asleep.

The little girl woke up only a few hours later, to the smell of smoke, gunshots, yelling, fire everywhere and startled.

It had been years since she had dreamt about her parents, and those dreams were not usually pleasant. They were filled with blood and fear and cold, and it would make her sneak out of the girls' room to go snuggle with Mal, her face buried into his thin pillow as she cried.

This dream though…she didn't exactly remember all those things, yet she knew, deep inside, that they had occurred.

She laid in bed, blankets up to her chin, staring up.

Saints: she couldn't even remember their names.

She was supposed to head down for breakfast, but instead she buried herself further into the clear sheets of her bed, a few stray tears falling down her eyes.

Despite the warmth of the blankets, she couldn't stop shivering.

She was still in bed when Genya found her later, right after lunch. She hadn't been happy about it and had all but dragged and untangled Alina out of her bed like one might rudely bring down a scared cat from a tree.

Once she was laying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling and her friend's unimpressed face, she deigned herself to speak.

"What?"

" 'What', she asks?" She extended a hand and Alina took it, noticing the maids tending to the fire and the ones preparing her a bath. "It's just the Winter Fete and you're expected to perform in front of all the nobles of Ravka, but go ahead and lay in bed all day looking like that." Genya went on as she pointed in the general direction of her face and then grabbed her kit and opened it. " 'What?' she asks" the Tailor snorted. "Go wash yourself, lazy."

"Crazy."

"I'll make you look like a toad."

"…I'll roast your hair."

It was hard for Alina to focus while Genya worked on her hair and face. She kept on thinking about her parents but, as much as she tried, she could scarcely recall their faces.

Pappa was a good dancer. That she remembered.

Mamma made water dance. That she remembered now.

Alina could almost not believe that she had forgotten them, and that fateful night, and the days that followed after.

A chill settled deep in her bones as she looked at herself, clad in her blue and gold kefta -The General had sent a black one,  along with a strange pair of gloves, but she rejected them-, and she couldn't shake the background noises of people yelling and the heavy smell of smoke.

Then nothing.

A strange nothingness that made her eyes fill with tears.

"Hey, you will be fine." Genya, standing behind her as she added the finishing touches, said demurely, placing a kind hand on her shoulder. "There's nothing to worry about. You show some light and then it's over. I promise."

Alina nodded absentmindedly, but the words glossed over her just like droplets of rain against glass.

"You know," her friend continued, leaning against the vanity and intertwining her fingers together. "You never told me when your birthday is."

At this, Alina looked up from her hands at her friend's waiting gaze.

She cleared her throat, her thoughts, and tried to form an answer.

"Uh, um…back in Keramzin, I was one of the kids celebrated in March."

"Celebrated in March?" Genya asked, her brows coming almost together.

"Uh, I was very young when I was placed there; I don't remember my exact birth date." she looked down at her hands again, feeling somewhat amazed that she was still here and feeling a great deal of nothingness at the same time. "I believe it was sometime during the summer." she murmured, mostly to herself.

She had a vague memory, of two faceless people with flower crowns on their heads, water dancing, and Alina, with a flower crown of her own, chasing it all day long.

It had to be summer, when the rivers weren't frozen, and everybody danced.

She didn't really recall walking out of her rooms, nor the path towards the halls of the Little Palace, where the Winter Fete was being held.

She didn't register the looks she got from the nobles, the members of the royal family, and her fellow Grisha. She didn't remember when Genya had left her side and The General had taken over.

All she could think about was dancing water.

As she was guided up into a dais, she pictured fingers moving at the tempo of a song, and a thin strip of water doing the same thing.

As she was placed upon the dais, and The General's touch abandoned her just like the dancers had, she thought of a faceless man twirling her around until she felt dizzy.

And as the lights receded and shadows took over the space, surrounding everyone in the same nothingness she was feeling, Alina felt the yells of ravkan men and foreign ones, taking the strongest dancers they could find away from them and ending those who dared to resist them.

So she lifted her hands, called upon her light -a thin stream of gold- and made it dance. Orbs and strings shot out of her hands, waltzing about the room, slowly bringing the light back to it, dancing over everyone's heads, tantalizing them, teasing them.

The room was clear now, and Alina could see all the nobles gazing up in amazement, awestruck with her performance.

"Run!" her mother had shouted, so she did. Away from the people who wanted to learn how to dance by ugly means.

Her gaze shifted towards the two golden seats at her left, where the Tsar and the Tsaritsa sat and watched the spectacle. The woman was smiling up at the lights, while the man ran his greasy fingers through his chin, like a child trying to solve a puzzle far above their age capacity.

Alina looked at The General, taking him in for the first time. There was nothing on his face, just like there was almost nothing in her heart.

She nodded towards him once, and he made his shadows recede just as Alina abruptly called her light back to her, leaving everyone in uneasy darkness for a few moments before the natural lights of the candles and lanterns returned.

There was a round of applause, and some of the nobles even knelt before her, calling her 'Sankta'.

Alina wanted to laugh. Sankta? For what? Making light dance? Then every Grisha should be a Saint as well, in her eyes.

She stepped down with the help of Kirigan's offered hand, and was soon swarmed by an avalanche of nobles who wanted to talk to her, touch her face, her hands, her hair, or ask for a blessing.

"The only blessing I could offer is the lost of sight, but they haven't had that in a while."

She was rescued by Genya and Nina, each of them taking one of her arms and nudging their way out of the crowd and into a more darkened corner.

Alina looked at the Tsar, who spoke quietly with The Apparat, that strange, unnerving man who had given her a book shortly after her arrival at the Little Palace. Alina tried to avoid him.

The Apparat kept on looking at her, and she didn't like what she saw in those dark eyes of his.

"I need a favour." she said to the two women at her sides.

Shortly after, Genya was guiding The Apparat towards a most pious noblewoman and her husband as Alina made her way to the king.

"Moi Tsar." she bowed respectfully, although on her insides, she felt such a rage upon his sight she wanted to claw him open with her bare hands. A man who forced a young servant into his bed was deserving of nothing but endless pain. "I hope the demonstration lived up to your expectations."

"It was quite enchanting, my dear. Very, very lovely." the queen offered, seeming to be in a good mood. This time, her voice did almost sound ethereal. Maybe she was getting better, maybe she was just half drunk.

"Thank you, Moya Tsaritsa." Alina bowed to her as well, and it took all her willpower not to spit on her golden shoes.

If she had been feeling nothing before, she felt everything now.

"Yes, I suppose it was acceptable." the king said, regarding his audience. "I was expecting something more, dramatic, more…"

"Grand, perhaps?" she offered, her voice quaint and her smile soft. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nina subtly moving her hands, her green eyes trained on the king.

"Yes, I think so, yes." he nodded eagerly.

"Well, with all due respect, Moi Tsar, I have only discovered my abilities barely two seasons ago, and I wouldn't want to cause any accident, you understand?"

The king looked at her, almost indulgent, and smiled in what he must've thought was a lovingly way. She wanted to wrap her hands around his neck and choke him.

"Yes, that is very smart of you, Miss Starkov. I do remember the incident by the lake." he giggled, like it was the funniest thing in the world. The queen did as well, although hers was noticeably forced.

"But I assure you, with more training under General Kirigan's command, I should progress just fine." her smiled sweetened, and she all but battled her eyelashes at him. "Just have a little more patience, please."

"Of course, dear, of course." the king agreed whole-heartedly. "I trust Kirigan is training you well."

"Only the best for the Sun Summoner, Moi Tsar." Kirigan showed up next to her, bowing as she had done, although at a lesser angle.

"Good, good. Good job, you two!" the man congratulated them. "Keep it up, and we might be taking care of The Fold-"

"Soon." The General said, a glint to his grey eyes.

The king nodded, and as his gaze caught that of a young, pretty noblewoman, he dismissed them.

Alina took the arm Kirigan was offering her, slowly guiding her out of the main hall.

"What was that about?" he asked quietly.

Alina could tell he was not exactly pleased, but neither angry or disappointed.

The Summoner remembered everything he and Genya had said about the king, and she turned towards Nina to give her a nod of gratitude, but she was nowhere to be seen.

"The king is an impatient child." she said, her voice as low as his. "I just bought us some time."

"You should leave that to me and worry only about increasing your power."

"I was trying to help you." she said, turning to look him in the eye. It hadn't been just about her, just about giving them enough to love and not fear her, to admire and not haunt her; it had also been -to her embarrassment for some reason- to help him. "You once said there was no one else like us, so it only seems right that we should help each other." she looked around, and saw Lady Anastasia, the young woman from the queen's tea party, waving at her. She was accompanied by two other women. "Besides, compared to all of what you've done for me, this was nothing."

She left, again, before he could reply, putting on a happy face.

"Lady Anastasia. It's been a while."

"Oh! You remember me. Good!" the girl smiled, taking her arm and leading her to the two women who awaited patiently. She pointed at a tall, blonde woman; her hair only slightly lighter than Lady Anastasia's. "This is my sister Zasha, and her wife Galina." she pointed at a redhaired woman clad in a lovely green dress, who smiled softly at Alina. "Sisters, this is Miss Alina Starkov. We had the pleasure of making our acquaintance at one of the queen's tea parties."

At that, both women snorted, looking, for the briefest of moments, unpoised.

"I never heard of pleasure at those torture sessions." Zasha laughed softly, her voice like velvet, while her sister's was sweet as sugar.

"I can only imagine." Lady Galina said, rolling her eyes. "Did she mention at least one black sheep of each member at the table and then-"

"Finished with an 'oh, well' and moved on to the next victim." Alina did a small gesture with her hand, her voice raising to imitate the high-pitched tone of the queen.

All four women laughed quietly.

Alina stayed by Lady Anastasia's side for a few minutes, making idle conversation. It could do her good to have a friend on the court of the Grand Palace. Her sister, Zasha was very polite and elegant, always seeming to know what to say, causing her younger sister to shrink sometimes, although this was not malicious. Her wife Galina, on the other hand, was slightly more outspoken; she was like a rose: pretty, but full of thorns that could pinch anyone, and Saints did she like to pinch at some of the people at the Fete. Alina decided that the redhaired woman was alright, so long as she didn't get on her bad side.

"I must be going now," Alina said, disentangling her arm from Lady Anastasia's grip. "I mean no offense, but I'd like to spend some time with-"

"Your friends?" Lady Galina asked, taking a sip from her drink. She waved her hand off, smiling kindly. "We understand. Go, have fun, if its possible at this kind of circus."

Lady Zasha turned on a charming smile on her, and Alina's cheeks threatened to turn pink.

"It was very lovely to meet you, Miss Starkov. I know you will do great things for the good of Ravka." she bowed her head slightly. "Thank you for that scintillating demonstration earlier."

Alina awkwardly bid her farewell, turning to her right so she could whisper into Lady Anastasia's ear:

"I heard Nadia and some other Etherealki were headed for the banya, if you're interested."

The blonde woman's eyes sparkled, and she nodded subtly, a great grin giving her away.

Alina walked around the Palace grounds aimlessly. She had no destination in mind, and she didn't really care whether she got lost or not. She knew she was being followed anyways; The Darkling had said so to her weeks prior but still, she failed to see the Oprichniki in charge of her safety.

She rounded the lake slowly, seeing some Tidemakers trying to turn the ice back into liquid water so they could fool around. Smiling without feeling much, Alina lifted a hand and threw an arch of light over the surface of the lake, not being so afraid to burn anything.

By the time she finished her round around the lake, there was not a sign of ice in it. The Tidemakers whistled at her and asked her to join them, but she politely declined.

Reclining against a tree, she watched them play around with the water and the snow, making beautiful shapes and playfully fighting off each other.

They made the waters dance.

"Just like mamma." the thought came to her like a monotonous occurrence, yet as soon as it entered her head, she headed towards the stables, kicking that thought out of her head.

"Alina!"

She turned to see Nina running towards her, her breath visible due to the cold.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself, sun bean." the Heartrender linked their arms together. "You're hard to find, you know."

"I was just walking around."

"What a walk it must've been," she said, slightly panting. "I've been looking for you for over an hour. I only knew where you were when you did that thing on the lake."

"Oh, that."

"Yes, oh, that. If you want to go unnoticed by the Tsar, melting the ice of a lake is not a good way of doing it."

"How did you-?"

"Please," Nina rolled her eyes. "If I were in your shoes, I'd want to stall as much as possible too. king's an idiot and he knows nothing about Grisha."

That was true, and everyone except the Tsar himself seemed to know it.

"Why are you out here anyways?" Alina asked, allowing Nina to lead her back inside. "Wouldn't you rather be at the Fete?"

"If it was a real party, maybe." she turned her green gaze on the Sun Summoner, questioning. "Do you know what it takes to make a real party, Alina?"

She was afraid to answer, so she shook her head. Nina leaned in until their breaths mingled, and Alina could clearly see every freckle on her pretty face.

"Waffles."

"What are those?" she asked innocently.

Nina leaned back with such a force she almost took Alina down and gasped loudly, placing a hand to her chest.

"You've never had waffles before?"

"I-I don't even know what those are." Whatever they were, the kitchen staff back in Keramzin hadn't cared to make those for the orphans.

"It's only my one true love. C'mon!" she said, leading her around the Little Palace towards the Grand Palace. "The cooks love me and they'll make some for us."

"We'll get in trouble."

Nina barely gave her a glance.

"Please. They will barely notice. The party is still in full swing."

She turned to look at the Little Palace, filled with figures moving about and muffled music making its way out, harder to hear with every step she took in the direction of the ugliest building ever built.

Nina ushered her through a back entrance for servants and, true to her word, the few people still at work were more than happy to make them some waffles before heading out for the night.

The Sun Summoner watched them and realized that such a thing was simply not doable in Keramzin.

Alina then sat at a small, wooden table in front of Nina, staring down at a plate with a weird, circle cut into four with small squares inside of it.

"It won't bite you, you know; it’s the other way around."

That got a little laugh out of her and for a moment, she let herself relax in Nina's presence.

They took a small piece and Alina bit into it, feeling its crisp texture filling her mouth.

"Is it supposed to be sweet or savoury?"

"Both!" Nina exclaimed, taking another big bite, eyes alight. "That's why they're so amazing."

Alina tried a second and third bite before deciding she didn't like the dish. The brunette sitting across from her watched her in horror as she gulped down a glass of water to be rid of the taste.

"I can't believe it! I knew you couldn't be perfect …but I never imagined you could be this monstrous." Nina said, gesturing at her. "I'm sorry," she said, as Alina stood up and walked over to the kitchen counter, laughing to herself, feeling good for the first time that day. "But I can't be with someone who doesn't like waffles."

"That's a deal breaker for you?" she asked, not turning around, staring out the closed window, to the grand view of a blank wall. "Not, I don't know, creating The Fold or being a Drüskelle maybe?"

"Damn right!" She felt how Nina's hand came down to knock on the hard wood of the table. "Those I can forgive, but not liking waffles is just too horrendous."

"See it this way: more for you." she offered, looking down at her hands, wishing their conversation would never end. It was silly, meaningless almost, but in the best way and she wished she could have more of those types of talks.

"But I didn't want it all for myself;" she heard Nina say softly, and a few seconds later Alina saw the shadow of her figure over hers. She turned. "I wanted to share with you."

The Sun Summoner looked away for a moment, taken off guard. Was Nina saying what she thought she was saying?

She tried to think of it coldly: Nina grew up at the Little Palace and she was very popular around; she'd make a great ally.

But Alina couldn't just see it that way without feeling sick. Nina was pretty, smart, funny, nice, and she had been giving her straight signs since the moment they met, unlike some other people.

She looked her in the eyes: green against brown. Like a tree

"We could share something else." she whispered, too caught up taking up in her pretty features to think straight.

Nina closed the gap, taking her face in her hands. Alina closed her eyes as their lips met and danced together, soft against soft.

The Summoner's hand travelled to Nina's waist and she pulled her closer, clutching at the material of her kefta.

Their faces twisted to a side, their tongues danced with each other, and even though Alina couldn't forget about a pair of grey eyes, she clutched her eyes shut tighter and held onto Nina. For she was so lonely, and Nina was here. She had felt nothingness, and Nina made her laugh.

Alina began to pepper her jawline with kisses.

"You really are warm, sun bean." Nina gasped, holding her even closer still.

"You're warmer." she answered between kisses.

She didn't know if she'd regret it in the morning, but after years of pining and awkward, unreciprocated little affections; after months of uncertainty, and a day filled with a dreaded void, Alina let herself get a fill of Nina. This was something that felt good.

It wasn't perfect. It wasn't powerful or all-consuming and it didn't feel righteous, but it was finally something good and nice after so much peril, and she was glad to try and get lost in it.

 The Darkling

 He watched quietly, from the safety of his shadows, as Miss Zenik easily lifted Alina into the kitchen counter.

The Grand Palace kitchens.

"Truly. So uncouth." he thought.

Alina deserved better than a quick hand here and there on a kitchen; she deserved to be worshipped.

Or maybe she could be worshipped on a kitchen counter, just not by Nina Zenik.

He turned and left them to their activities, none of them aware of his presence.

The tether that bound them together had bought him there to talk to her, to find her…in someone else's arms.

There was no doubt that Alina felt a pull towards him as well, and although he was still struggling to maintain his control around her, that didn't mean he was willing to share in the meantime.

And Miss Zenik had been on leave for too long. Maybe it was time for a new assignment.

Click here for chapter X

[olivinesea]

A Mixed Blessing

Chapter List

chapter six: are we fixed or free?

a/n: Sorry for the extended wait, that road trip really did me in. Here’s the next bit. Getting deeper into Aaron & Cole’s dynamic. Again, I’m so sorry? Warning for substances & abuse, as ever. ~4.5k

The summer arrived quickly for Aaron who now had a new secret he didn’t understand. He was uncertain what to make of the events of that afternoon. There was no blueprint for him to follow here. The only intimacy he’d observed with was in the context of his parents’ relationship and that didn’t seem like the best example. The only mentions he’d ever heard of two men being together were lessons about eternal damnation. It made sense that he would belong to such a path. He was already lost in so many ways, he doubted this, or anything, could make it worse. But it still puzzled him, unsure what his feelings were, what they should be.

He reviewed his memories of that afternoon repeatedly, examining the dimensions of the place where his life had taken this unexpected turn. He’d had no way to anticipate any of it but still he tried to gather clues, combing the moments surrounding that first kiss for signs of what would come next. He remembered the way their desperate collision had only broken apart when Cole pressed too hard on his ribs and he had involuntarily cried out in pain. The way Cole had scrambled back, standing up and watching Aaron from a safe distance while the color drained from their flushed cheeks, a mindless passion replaced by apprehension. The way Cole had run his hands through his hair repeatedly, the nervous habit making the blond strands stand on end. Aaron couldn’t remember another time he’d looked so uneasy, before or since.

Aaron had considered him through his dazed high, the drugs mixing with the unexpected surge of hormones to overtake any coherent thought. He had been confused but it was a warm sort of confusion, still feeling the echo of Cole’s hands, his lips, racing across his skin. He’d tried to understand the emotion he was seeing on Cole’s face. He was always trying to understand the minute changes there, searching for a hint at the other boy’s motivations that he kept locked away.

“You’re not stupid are you?”

Aaron frowned, not able to follow this thought. He’d become distracted by the pain in his side, his ribs reminding him of the insult they had endured. He’d lifted his shirt to poke at them gingerly, as if this would make any difference at all.

“Hey!” Cole was impatient.

Aaron’s attention snapped back, wary of the irritation but not sure how to fix it. He wanted to ask what was wrong but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate, his thoughts barely a trickle. He was only live nerve endings and a creeping nausea as the painkillers left his system.

Cole stared at him hard, trying to make him understand without spelling it out. When he didn’t see any sign of recognition he sighed in disgust. “This,” he waved his hand. “All of this. You’re not going to say anything, right?”

Surprised, Aaron shook his head slightly. He didn’t have anyone to tell even if he was foolish enough to want to. He used the tree trunk to help pull himself up so he was standing, doing his best to meet Cole’s gaze. “I—“ he began but his thoughts wouldn’t move in a straight line. It had felt so much like a dream. He could hardly believe it was real if it wasn’t for the blood and grit in his mouth.

Cole watched him, not offering to help as he swayed, finding his balance. He kept one hand on the tree, its solidness soothing. This point of connection to the world was the only thing keeping him in place. Overwhelmed by the whiplash of attentions, anger and affection and desire melting into an unrecognizable mess, he felt like one wrong move could send his cells spiraling out, forming new constellations he’d never return from.

“I won’t tell,” he managed.

Cole nodded, satisfied for now. “You should go home, you look like shit.”

Aaron was having a hard time keeping up. “Home?”

“Damn, are you really that high?”

Aaron wanted to laugh but his throat was too dry. He coughed instead. He still felt Cole’s fingers wrapped behind his neck, was still captivated by the smell his skin, smoke and something sweet, like decay.

“I’ll walk with you but you’ve gotta stand on your own. It’s way too early for me to be carrying you around.”

Aaron followed, a few steps behind, annoyed at the suggestion he’d ever needed to be carried. He watched Cole’s back, following the pattern of his footsteps, retracing their way to his backyard.

Cole looked at him doubtfully. “You better take a shower and clean up. Your parents are going to know something’s up.”

Aaron shrugged pulling a twig from his hair. “I doubt it.” What he meant was that he doubted they would care enough to notice.

“It’s your life I guess.”

They stood awkwardly for a moment, stiff and deliberately distant. Aaron opened his mouth to say something he would want to take back later.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cole cut him off, turning away before he’d finished speaking. Aaron started up the back steps, his hand reaching the doorknob before he remembered something. He turned and called, “Hey Cole!”

The other boy paused, looking back with a blank expression, closed off and wary.

“Where’d my…”he stumbled on the words, embarrassed to have to ask. “Do you have my medication?”

Cole smiled, patronizing. “Oh I’ve got that, don’t worry. I don’t think it’s smart for you to have that around, do you? We don’t want you doing anything you’ll regret.”

Aaron blushed, mumbling a response about how it was his, how it was none of his business what he did with them but Cole was already walking away.

*

He had never consciously considered his affections before that day. Passing moments had caught his attention but he’d never stopped to think about who or how that would play out in the real world. He couldn’t help feeling like he had committed some offense. If the sermons or the sentiment of the town were to be believed he was making a terrible mistake, an evil choice. And yet it didn’t feel wrong. It felt like the most logical thing in the world.

He battled with himself about it. Telling himself to stop thinking about how good it had felt to be close to someone. That it would be better to forget and move on, pretend the moment hadn’t happened. It was only weakness, he argued against his softer self. A weakness to need validation that he was a creature worthy of that kind of attention. He knew plenty about weakness, knew better than to let it show.

So, despite his excitement, despite the fire that raced through his veins at the memory of that afternoon, he didn’t push for anything more to happen. He simply waited, hoping that time would resolve his uncertainties.

The next time he saw Cole, the older boy ignored him at first. Aaron hung back, watching, trying to get an idea of what he was expected to do. He sat on a tree stump, off to the side of the group, playing with the fraying cuffs of his shirt. It was getting too warm for the long sleeved shirts that he wore most of the year. He shifted uncomfortably as a bead of sweat slipped down between his shoulder blades. He wasn’t sure yet what he was going to do about that problem. He’d always been on his own in the summers, no one to notice the changing landscape of his skin, the dark blue-greys that faded into algae green, traveling up and down his arms, his legs, as the stars moved across the night sky, dependent upon the balance of forces beyond his control. Yet here he was, surrounded by people. They might not notice him, not pay attention to the quietly angry boy who had been absorbed into their group over the past year but he wasn’t sure he could stay so invisible with those kinds of secrets on display.

While he was lost in his thoughts, Cole appeared beside him, offering him a cigarette. He accepted, catching the flame of the lighter, gratefully pulling the smoke into his lungs. He let the sensation distract him from his nerves prickling at the nearness of the other boy. He darted his eyes to Cole, to see if he could read instructions in his expression. Cole’s eyes were fixed on the side of his face, the deep purple bruises he’d left there. No one had asked about these new bruises on his face, but when had anyone ever asked about such things before?

Aaron became uncomfortable with the attention, his knee bouncing rapidly. Cole reached over, touching the swelling on his jaw. Aaron did his best not to flinch, keeping his eyes steady on Cole’s face. He stayed still even as Cole pressed his fingertips harder against the darkened skin, his touch quickly becoming painful. He held his breath, willing himself not to react. The expression in Cole’s eyes was distant, seeing something other than Aaron’s fearful acceptance. The pain became too much and Aaron shifted away slightly, unable to tolerate it any longer. Cole dropped his hand, seeming to snap out of the trance he’d fallen into. Aaron avoided his eyes, looking away and taking a drag on his cigarette.

They didn’t discuss it.

Nothing seemed to change after that, neither of them daring to vocalize their thoughts, so the moment passed and faded. Instead, they fell back into their routine. Somehow Aaron’s pills had become “their” pills and they disappeared quickly. He found that he didn’t care, he was too focused on understanding his newly complicated feelings. He hovered close to Cole, hoping that the nearness might act as a magnet, drawing them back together again. He was afraid to ask for it, afraid of what it meant to want something like that. But maybe if he could just manufacture the right conditions, he thought, maybe then. He still wasn’t sure if he really wanted Cole or if he just wanted to be touched but he was certain the only way to find out would be to try it again.

A couple weeks later they were drunk, stumbling home, laughing at something neither one would remember. As the entered the garage, Cole decided abruptly that he was making too much noise. He pressed his hand over Aaron’s mouth, hissing at him, half playful, half tense. They listened for the sound of footsteps, any indication that they had disturbed his grandmother. Aaron had only seen her once and she seemed nice enough but he could understand the instinct to stay hidden, to move through the world unnoticed. He fell silent and focused on the heat of Cole’s hand, the slight nicotine scent of his fingers held firmly against his lips.

Satisfied no one was coming, he released his grip. When he looked at Aaron, saw the mix of anticipation and desire in his eyes, he stepped back. He wiped his hand roughly against his thigh, as if there were some particularly unpleasant residue imparted. As Aaron struggled to mask his disappointment, Cole’s expression darkened.

“Go home Aaron,” he said roughly.

“What? Why?” He was flustered, scrambling to understand what he had done wrong.

“Get out.” Cole turned away, stalking to his desk where he sat with his back to Aaron.

Aaron stared, wide-eyed, too tipsy to grasp what was going on. “But I thought—“

The words were out of his mouth before he thought better of it. He knew by now not to argue with Cole, knew that pushing against that finality in his voice never got him anywhere. Still, he had let himself hope and he wasn’t ready to let the moment pass.

In an instant Cole was back, standing right in front of him, so close that Aaron lost all his words.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he growled. Something clicked and Aaron placed the emotion he’d been seeing bursts of, slipping into Cole’s words, his actions. He was afraid. Aaron smiled at the realization, just the corner of his mouth twitching up.

“The fuck is wrong with you?” Cole tried to push him away, both hands against his chest, but Aaron grabbed him, almost laughing now. Fear was simple, he knew fear. Fear could be overcome if they just kept moving. He couldn’t count all the times he’d been afraid but here he was, still breathing, still wanting something from the world. He pulled Cole closer until their foreheads touched.

“Don’t be stupid,” Cole breathed.

“Too late,” Aaron answered, alcohol obliterating any lingering reservations. Nothing else mattered here. His only thought was that he needed this, to see if it would feel the same as before. That feeling he was forever chasing, where every thought disappeared from his mind and he became only impulse and reaction.

He found what he was looking for.

*

It continued haltingly, never sober, never around other people. Half the time it was followed by icy silences, Cole avoiding Aaron for several days while he sorted out his emotions, searching for a way to rationalize their connection. It hurt his feelings but he could understand this reaction. What they were doing went against everything he’d ever been taught. Cole was caught up in a cycling belief that this behavior was a defect, at best a sign of mental illness, at worst an irrefutable testament to his inferiority. Aaron couldn’t blame him for these thoughts, it was what everyone else believed as well.

It was different for Aaron. His sexuality was not as much of an issue to him. He had thought about it obsessively, trying to decide what it meant that he could want the touch of another man, that he could so easily disregard the taboo placed on such an act. His conclusion was that it didn’t matter, it couldn’t matter when there was so little that was good in his life. The idea that anyone would want to be close to him, would see him as anything other than worthless was too intoxicating to let go.

But he wasn’t completely ready to accept what they were doing either. Sometimes he even hated himself for it, but for different reasons. The thing that gave Aaron pause were the other parts of their relationship, the moments where Cole’s mood shifted, his anger flashed. Sometimes, if circumstances lined up against Aaron— if someone had made a comment to Cole that he didn’t like and he repeated to himself over and over, picking apart the ways they were not only wrong but intentionally stupid, to the point where Aaron rolled his eyes and told him to get over it already, they’d only been high after all; if they had run out of dope and the dealer wasn’t answering; if the wind was too cold or the sun was too bright, sometimes for no reason Aaron could see at all—Cole would snap and strike out at the nearest target. That target was more and more frequently Aaron.

That first time he’d been so shocked, so betrayed he thought it would be the end of him. But that hadn’t happened. Had instead lead to the breakdown of the barrier between them, a positive development in Aaron’s book. The second time he was just as surprised, although looking back maybe he shouldn’t have been. The apology was quick and profuse, Aaron accepted it through a stunned haze. After that, it became nothing more remarkable than any other pattern in his life. It made sense to him that care and pain would be so tied up. In fact, the idea that he could have the first without the second was unimaginable. But in the moments when it happened, the split second before the impact, when he knew it was coming and there was nowhere to run, the expression he saw on Cole’s face was too similar to the one he’d grown up fearing. In those moments he felt sick to his stomach, that he would put himself in this position, that he would seek out the company of a man just like his father. Shouldn’t he be smarter than that? He’d find himself knocked to the ground, his ears ringing as he curled himself into that familiar defensive shape, waiting out the storm so that he could have another chance at feeling the warmth of affection.

At the end of the day, what was one more bruise, really? At least these bruises were accompanied by concern. An awareness of his existence, the kind he’d never gotten at home. Cole noticed when he wasn’t around, noticed when he was slipping too far into his own head. He felt it could almost be considered a fair trade. The good moments at least balanced the bad, if not outweighing them outright. Plus, there were always the drugs to smooth over the rough patches if all else failed. He couldn’t feel a thing as he floated away on the high. Whatever mistakes he’d made over the week, however many times he’d been wrong or in the way, it all disappeared as he accepted the straw handed to him, kneeling over the smoke, as reverent as any penitent seeking absolution.

* In the summer they found themselves with unlimited time to spend together. No classes, no family to interrupt their search for the perfect high. There was no reason to be sober, so he never was, accepting anything that came his way without a second thought. It all melded together in a sleepy numbness, losing track of the days. Time only mattered if he was waiting on his next high, its irritating existence forgotten as soon as he sank back under. When he’d found himself locked out of his home, again (his mother’s new way of expressing her disapproval) he didn’t bother trying to beg her to let him in. He just walked away. He had other places to be now. Places where he could convince himself he was wanted.

Cole took the opportunity of the unstructured days to try something different. At first Aaron was confused when he saw him unwrap the new materials, light reflecting off solid metal rather than the now familiar bits and pieces they had been using to smoke. However, he quickly understood as Cole began to roll up his sleeves.

“You’re not serious.” As lost as he was, Aaron wasn’t sure this was a line he wanted to cross.

Cole barely lifted a shoulder to acknowledge he’d heard anything, too focused on examining his arm for a vein.

“Cole,” his voice tightened, eyes locked on the other boy’s movements. “I don’t know…”

“It’s going to work better,” Cole snapped, irritated that Aaron would question him. He’d thought it out, they were wasting money, his money, and worse, wasting their potential high. This was the obvious next step. “Here,” he tossed a belt at Aaron, “that should help you find one.”

Aaron didn’t move, frozen by conflicting impulses. He was having trouble understanding how he’d gotten here, still disbelieving he could sink so low despite the very real evidence in front of him. But beneath all the anxiety, there was a part of him whispering that Cole was right, that he absolutely wanted this. The prospect of a better high was enticing.

“Hurry up, or I’m doing this without you.”

Aaron chewed on his lip, watching the flame. Cole’s hands were steady, no trace of the tremor Aaron felt in his own. The soft hiss as the dark matter melted was all that he needed to push him to action. He was afraid but that had never mattered, he wasn’t going to miss this.

*

Occasionally, Aaron would surface from his fog, would wonder what Sean was doing, wonder if his mom was okay. He had no idea when he’d last seen them. As much as he resented her for how little she’d done to protect him, he couldn’t be completely unsympathetic when he knew too well what she was up against. If he ever had a passing thought about his father it was only to curse him and wish for his demise to come sooner than later.

Any semblance of a schedule had long since gone out the window. Every day that they could score was a good day to get high. Any day that they couldn’t was a bad day for Aaron. Cole had been right, the high was better with a direct application, but it also meant the lows were meaner. What before had been intermittent bouts of anger, flares of possessiveness when Aaron was out of sight for too long, became all consuming.

His world got smaller.

Aaron stopped going to the places where the rest of the group would hang out. He found it wasn’t worth it to find out what new infraction Cole would imagine, what the consequences might be for accepting a drink or a smoke from the wrong person. It was easier to just stay in the garage, or, if Cole’s mood was too volatile, too many days since their last score, he would wander by himself, back to his old hiding places. When he could think clearly enough he wondered if time was just a circle and he would always find himself back here, hiding from the hands of someone who was supposed to care for him.

Most of the time he didn’t think of anything at all.

* Cole’s birthday arrived in the height of summer, when the days were so long it was hard to believe night would ever fall and the heat so heavy that movement felt like treason. They’d had a stretch of good days, which Aaron tried not to think about too much. He believed that maybe if he didn’t acknowledge it, didn’t look directly at it, they might continue in this peace. He wasn’t aware that it was Cole’s birthday, only that whatever good mood had settled over them was thankfully continuing.

As they made their slow way back from the liquor store, hauling their supplies of beer and cigarettes and a bag of chips that no one would touch, Cole muttered something under his breath. Aaron, fumbling with a cigarette, finding it annoyingly difficult to coordinate the movements of walking and lighting the end, stopped to manage that and missed the exact words.

“Hmm?” he hummed, unconcerned. He’d woken up to gentle fingers combing his hair that morning and managed to avoid saying the wrong thing. On days like this he could almost imagine he led a normal life.

“It’s my birthday,” he sounded sullen, like he regretted bringing it up in the first place.

Aaron stopped trying to light his cigarette and looked at Cole, fighting the urge to wrap his arms around him. That would not go over well in the middle of the sidewalk. Instead he smiled, unreasonably pleased with this information.

“I guess we have to celebrate then,” he said, starting to walk again, just barely brushing his shoulder against the other boy. It was a little reckless—he could never be sure what kind of reaction he would get when initiating contact. It was usually smarter to let Cole come to him, like a dog with an uncertain temper. Cole drew back a little, but relaxed when Aaron didn’t linger. Instead he stepped to the side and scrupulously put a respectable distance between them.

“What do you want to do?” Aaron asked once he was sure he hadn’t crossed any of the wrong lines.

Cole shrugged, “What do we ever do?”

This unenthusiastic response put a slight damper on Aaron’s good mood but no matter. He knew they still had some of their stash leftover, they wouldn’t have to spend the day chasing a dealer. And he would never be disappointed by the prospect of getting high. “Whatever you’d like,” he said simply.

They spent the afternoon lazily drinking beers and smoking in a couple of ancient lawn chairs. Cole’s grandmother had taken a bus to Atlantic City for several days of gambling and inhaling stale cigarette smoke. Aaron liked things best when she went out of town. It almost felt like he and Cole were living together, like adults in their own house. He let his mind run with the fantasy as they sat sweating in the shade. He’d never considered what he might be like as an adult, never thought he’d make it that far. But this, this could be nice. A quiet companionship. Someone to pass him another drink when his ran out. Sure, there were negatives—a persistent risk that he’d say or do the wrong thing and find himself on the shadowed side of a fist but, as far as Aaron could tell, that was just part of life. It couldn’t always be good, but if he could have moments like this, it would be worth it.

Finally, endlessly, the sun set, making only the slightest difference in the temperature. They didn’t move as the color drained from the world around them. Tiny sparks lit up the air, first in ones and twos, until they were surrounded by flashes of life. Aaron tried to spot them all, making wishes like they were shooting stars. Every time it was the same wish: please, let this last.

“I guess it’s time for me to light my candle,” Cole said softly, equally mesmerized by the way the newly visible stars seemed to extend down to them, flickering around their heads. Aaron didn’t reply, just nodded, afraid he might somehow break the spell with his voice. Cole stood and offered him a hand up. He didn’t let go as they walked inside.

An expert now, Cole made short work of setting up their hits. The needle slid seamlessly into a vein, the rush of relief, of tension he hadn’t even realized he was holding melted away. They lay back on the bed side by side, just like the first time, motionless as the world spun away from them. Unlike the first time there was no confusion, no concern for what came next, only a feeling that his heart was so full it hurt. He twitched his fingers, trying to find Cole’s hand beside him. He managed to hook his fingers through Cole’s, his skin cool and dry. Eyes closed, Aaron tried to catch his breath, to catch the words that were vibrating through his bones with every pulse of his heart.

“I love you.”

His voice was so thin and he was so high he wasn’t entirely sure he’d said it out loud. Cole didn’t move, didn’t react at all, already deeply lost to the drug. Aaron knew it was better that way. The words felt strange, so foreign. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d said them, wasn’t sure he ever had. His consciousness filtered away, trailing the words behind him. He wouldn’t remember saying them in the morning.

chapter seven

[pizzaboat]

So I've seen alot of people give their theory's and opinions on what's going to happen to Lilith in season 2 of the owl house, whether or not she's forgiven, where she's going to stay and how she'll act I guess, and the major thing being if she's redeemed or how redeemed she is.

I'm just going to throw my own thoughts out there and say that obviously there's still alot to do with her character. I also have no intention of bashing her character, I actually enjoy when she's on screen. I do like her but she's still problematic. So buckle up this is a long one.

To get my thoughts straight I'll break what I have to say down into parts, cause I get distracted easily.

First up im going to say I think she is far from redeemed. My impression of her is that she regrets cursing her sister, but she also finds some sort of sick pride in it too, as shown in agony of a witch when she screams " then why were you so easy to curse!?".

She also has no problem hurting literal children to get what she wants either, but that's another issue I'll discuse.

Lilith seems to resent her younger sister to an extreme, unhealthy degree. I could sit here and theorise about her child-hood and teen years wondering what could have created such insecurities in her, but im not going to. That is irrelevant to the point im trying to make. What's important to keep in mind though is that she was "perfect prissy Lilith"- the covention growing up, Eda was good at almost everything, and that Lilith cursed Eda to secure a spot in the emperors coven when Lilith was 18-19 and Eda was 16-17.

Is she redeemed ?

No i don't think she is even half way there. She cursed Eda in her sleep to win a fight. Lied for over thirty years to Eda about that curse. Mocked Eda for the symptoms of a curse she put on her "Why don't you go home and rest wouldn't want you breaking hip"- sense and insensitivity . she kidnapped Luz to use her against her sister, used Luz as a human meat shield in her and Eda's battle during agony of a witch, was generally quite rude to Luz when she wasn't dangling her over a pit of spikes, and also SPIKES.

Taking on half of a curse she put on her sister in the first place doesn't begin to cover the trauma and pain she's caused in the name of healing her sister, enforcing the emperors laws and joining said emperors coven.

I would also like to point out that she had a way to elevate her sisters pain all this time but she didn't. I've seen arguments like she trusted the emperor to heal her sister but I can already point out so many things wrong with that.

even if she did trust him, no normal person could sit by and watch any family member they claim to care about suffer, if she trusted the emperor so much she would have split the curse sooner, (providing Eda would have let her of course) and had him heal her or Eda both.

But she didn't do that she lied to her sister for years, partly because she was scared of losing Eda and also Eda's reaction which was, and would always be unbridalled rage. but also to an extent it suited her, it suited her to be the successful sibling, the sibling doing things "right" Lilith seems to be as I said before extremely insecure, and I think that just going off the episodes she was in and the impression the show puts forward.

If what I've noticed is correct, Lilith has spent her life in her sisters shadow, bullied in school as revealed in the end of something ventured something framed, nobody took her seriously due to her appearance and probably being a late bloomer in a lot of ways. She would have jumped at the chance to be given the same respect that Eda and other talented witches or well off, higher up witches recieved.

In other words the emperors coven fed Liliths' battered ego, telling her what she wanted to hear.

It makes sense that she wouldn't want to let that go, but in the context of what has happened and the fact she seemed to still try and stick with the emperors coven before Belos sent her to be executed along with eda and king.

She isn't redeemed, she probably doesn't see much wrong with how she's behaved up until now(besides cursing Eda) and there's still alot of work for her to do. She only split half the curse because her expulsion from the coven forced her to address a mistake she made for once.

Season 2 and maybe more seasons looks like where she'll be earning her redemption. Hopefully she'll be forced to face more of her flaws and short comings and work on them.

Will she be forgiven?

Lilith from what has been shown has hurt;

Eda Luz, King, Amity, Willow and Gus. They all have different reasons to be hostile towards her.

Eda

She cursed Eda and almost subjected her to a faith worse than death, lied to her, mocked her. Kidnapped her apprentice and almost got Luz killed a number of times,using her as a sheild. She dragged Luz into the whole messed up rivalry. I don't think Eda will forgive her emediatly, after all, even if she can forgive Lilith for what she did to her, she would also have to forgive her for what she did to Luz.

She essentially kidnapped Edas' surrogate daughter, Eda was much angrier about Luz's suffering than her own "you hurt luz, you cursed me. before anything turns me to stone I'm going to tear you apart!" - young blood, old souls

Yeah Eda was fit to murder her sister, taking some of the curse probably only got rid of her homicidal desire towards Lilith, thats it.

Luz

I've seen some people make fan content in which Luz immediately forgives Lilith or comes round eventually to her when Lilith acts nice around the house.

That seems super out of character for Luz, sure Luz is characterised to be kind and sweet but if the final proves anything its that she has a ruthless streak that comes out when she tries to protect the people she loves, her family. Lilith has threatened the people she cares about. I don't see Luz letting that slide, and she would probably still be on guard. Luz may have accepted her help in young blood old souls, but that was only because she wanted to save Eda she told Lilith she didn't like her "whole deal" and she meant it.

Lilith would have to prove she's really changed for the better for luz to begin to for give her.

King

I like the idea of King and Lilith becoming friends simply for comedy perposes, if King were to forgive her and I think he'd be one of the closest to it out of the main characters.

They'd be a force of sheer stupidity and ego they'd be bad and good for each other, King weirdly enough would be more emotionally mature since he's learned things like you can't be posesive over people in really small problems it's a lesson Lilith needs to learn since she seems to resent Luz to an extent, thinking Luz was taking her sister from her "Edalyn is with her family, her real family. Go back to your world human this one is ours" - agony of a witch

Of course before this she needs to also earn his forgiveness, he wasn't there for agony of a witch but he did experience the fear and worry of losing eda in young blood, old souls the only person he had up until then was Eda " King and I, we don't have much in this world. we only have each other"- A lying witch and a Warden. Lilith helping rescue Eda might have helped improve his opinion of her, but Lilith would have to get over herself first to begin her redemption.

Hooty

I don't think Hooty would hold a grudge, mostly because he's comic relief and weird. Since I personally think no one in the owl house would be bothering with her, and I see her being forced to live In the shed. I think Hooty would be her only company and I think it would be unexpected and really funny if he's the first person/bird thing to open her eyes to her awful behaviour. You gotta start somewhere and Hooty is it.

Amity, Gus and Willow

I think Gus and Willow will be stand-offish until Luz and King forgive Lilith.

Once Lilith has developed more as a person she owes Amity an apology for how she behaved as a teacher. Amity would be mad after the covention episode, but almost killing her crush would make her protective of Luz, and wary of her in general.

Conclusion

Lilith hasn't been redeemed in my opinion, there's still alot of growth she needs to go through, she's made alot of terrible mistakes and decisions, its what makes her so interesting. I like her but she's a sh*t person, but she can learn to be less of a sh*t person.

I'm aware this is a kids show and she probably won't get all this development or she could get different character development and that would be awesome, its just my thoughts and opinions and I'm really excited for season 2.

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

About Assassination Classroom Characters- Akabane Karma

Oh look it’s finally time for demon boy

Look I’ve honestly done so many previous rants about how this fandom really messes up with Karma as a character, I’m going to TRY and keep it brief. 

So the first major character point we have for Karma is his genius. Though he’s naturally very intuitive, as well as at least to an extent book smart without effort, he has to (and does!) put serious effort into studying to actually refine himself and get those top results. 

His intuition is somewhat what separates him and Gakushuu, as we see in the final math problem. He has slightly more ‘natural’ intelligence, where Shuu has more booksmarts.  

He can learn just by watching, such as Karasuma’s defensive techniques. 

The next major thing is Karma has a tendency to lash out when angry, sometimes without really thinking. It’s even worse when he actually thinks about it. Though he starts to develop from this, this gets him into trouble and him losing it is ultimately why he ended up in 3E. 

Karma’s also for the most part a very lazy person. He doesn’t want to do their assassination lessons, or even show up to class, if he thinks there’s nothing in it for him. Again, we do see him develop from this. 

This also leads to a bit of arrogance. 

He’s actually kind of... nerdy? Like he really likes movies and video games for example. He even fanboys over his favourite director. I guess this isn’t the most obvious side of him though. 

The boy is also high key sadistic like the things he comes up with, enjoying torture with both physical and verbal actions. 

Look for the sake of fandom peace I’m only going to bring up the cross dressing/gender jokes briefly in that he’s a 14 year old boy and doesn’t deserve a cancelling hate campaign for a series of (admittedly terrible) jokes that don’t really impact the series as a whole that much. It’s my personal opinion that they largely were toned down after the whole Hiromi arc as it was, and Nagisa himself said he could cope with it coming from him. 

Karma lives mostly alone, since he has weird India obsessed parents who are constantly travelling. Matsui states that this makes him generally more mature. Karma never expresses being upset with his parents, but I imagine it gets a little lonely for him. 

Actually, he’s a really great leader. Though he doesn’t show this side of himself for a while, he really steps up and is at least somewhat on par with Isogai by the end of the series. 

Though it takes him some time since people are kind of wary of him, he does make some friends. Notably would be Sugino, who eventually he started to hang out with due to Nagisa, though I don’t personally see them spending time one on one. 

He also spends some time with Itona, when he properly transfers into class. 

I wouldn’t call Terasaka a friend at all... more of a lacky. 

Karma’s a little put out when Isogai interacts with him in a friendly way. Unfortunately, he’s not used to it (poor Karma honestly). 

He and Nakamura are to be feared when they work together on something. Since they’re both very intelligent, their conversations can be a real mixed bag. He really does trust her, though, enough to make her second in command. 

It should be mentioned that Karma absolutely has trust issues. I could write like... a whole meta about just this, but in summary it means that he rarely opens up to people, and when he does he needs to really trust them. 

This is why I think, along with her science capabilities, he finds it easiest to talk to Okuda out of the girls. Because she really is genuinely so honest, Karma can be relaxed around her. Whatever your ship, their friendship is a very great concept (even though Matsui like... never went into it). 

Now, Nagisa. Well, from Karma’s POV I think the angst was definitely a lot heavier. Originally, Nagisa was harmless and a person Karma could easily trust. But when he first saw Nagisa’s bloodlust, he freaked out. He was scared that something so dangerous could slip through his defences, so he put up every guard and forced distance between them. Even though Nagisa is his closest friend when they reunite, they still keep those walls up with each other until civil war. It’s kind of this awkward contradiction that was going to boil over no matter what. Though they do eventually get over it when Karma admits defeat, and we see them both drop those roles so they can be the good friends they really are. It’s a big moment for him. 

Again, I’m not trying to write a whole karmagisa essay here, however his feelings with regards to Nagisa are a very interesting part of his characterisation. 

In summary, yeah I went on a bit. Whilst I wouldn’t say Karma’s my favourite character, he’s definitely the most interesting for me, and absolutely has the most complete character arc in the series. I could talk for pages and pages, but I’m trying my best to keep this down to a reasonable length. As such, I don’t have any development notes, aside from continued maturity. 

What I will repeat: KARMA IS NOT YOUR EDGY BAD BOY SUAVE EMO OTOME GAME PROTAG BOYFRIEND. Honestly, just make your Maehara/Chiba/Hazama hybrid oc at that point. I’m all for interpretation, and I admit he’s quite hard to write and I don’t claim to do it perfect, but it almost feels... so off it’s kind of insulting to his character? I get that a lot of people stan his vibe, but at least stan real Karma and not some distorted fanon of him. He’s also not like, evil. He’s 14. 

I appreciate that sounds like a Karma stan going off, but it’s really because I see him being taken VERY ooc the most out of any character, aside from the people who genuinely think Nagisa is a submissive maid girl. 

MASTERLIST

[skullsandwineglasses]

Hi! There is a show: ZYW and some other guy travel for 3 days. From what I've seen, it's his morning routine to warm up his vocal cords Also ZYW is hugging trees and basically most of the time they eat lol Also they talk a lot, so I guess it should be cool to understand. When you have two minutes, could you tell us what this show is about in general? The name on youtube: 《仅三天可见》[第六期] 姜思达 周一围｜一个冠军给我带来了无妄之灾 Perhaps they're visiting some place important to ZYW? Thank you so much for all your help!)

Yeah, so in brief, the show is about the host, Jiang Sida (JSD), who spends 3 days with a celebrity in each episode to try to understand them better. 

ZYW in particular is a celebrity who really interested Jiang Sida because of how quickly ZYW gained popularity after Birth of an Actor, and also because of all of the negative rumours swirling around his personal life. ZYW is often insulted by the media for being 油腻, which means greasy. Greasy is an insult used to describe older, middle-aged men who are sleazy, self-absorbed, and on the heavier or chubbier side, although sometimes this insult can be leveled at younger, in-shape male celebrities too who come off as kind of douchey. 

It’s sad because even though ZYW doesn’t often express it, you can tell that the rumours do get to him. For instance, during the first meal in the show, he wanted to use a toothpick, but he was wary about using it in front of the cameras so he pocketed it away. The host noticed this and sympathized and playfully said, “Ah, too protective of your image. Stop the camera. Let’s go upstairs to the third floor, I understand you.”

The vocal cord warm up (that occurred during the hike before that meal) happened because ZYW asked JSD “you studied production right, not broadcast? If you studied broadcast, this would be a good place to practice your sound”, to which JSD replied, “show me” (or, “give one”). ZYW proceeded to demonstrate a dantian qi exercise. 

In the voiceover during the hike, JSD  said that even though they were friendly, things were still a little awkward and distant between them since they hadn’t gotten to know each other yet. 

On the third floor rooftop, JSD opened up to ZYW about a film he wanted to write about. JSD shared his ideas to ZYW, saying that the film would tell the story of his father who spends a year away at sea fishing. ZYW then shares his feedback, saying that it’s a really meaningful story because it’s about the loneliness of a man out at sea. Basically, this conversation is what finally allowed JSD to connect to ZYW because they were finally talking about deep and thoughtful topics like the art of storytelling and life lessons. ZYW said to JSD, you need to think about what kind of perspective you want to show. Is the story about the son’s feelings about his father’s return, or is the story the father’s story at sea, and the son is just an observer meant as a stand-in for the audience? ZYW then said that he was pleasantly surprised to learn about this side of JSD because he now knows that JSD is able to understand him. He also encourages JSD to keep pursuing his dream of wanting to make this movie. It doesn’t matter whether the end result is good or not, but it’s a joy to be able wake up everyday and pursue your goal. JSD says that he spends everyday thinking about this story he’s creating, because he wants to get to know the story better since it’s still so unfamiliar and foreign to him. 

During the tea segment, JSD asked ZYW if he was bothered by the things the media says about him and he kind of just shrugs it off and says that it grounds him. They talk about how he used to love karaoke (KTV) when he was younger, JSD asked him what his wife likes about him, and ZYW said that you have to ask his wife why. ZYW mentioned how people would call him PUA, or “pick up artist”, and then JSD if those things bothered him. ZYW said that he learned to ignore those things, but they do bother his wife. The tea segment ends with them noting that it looks like it’s about to rain soon, and ZYW says, when it rains, you can choose to stand in the rain, or avoid it and go indoors. 

During the evening meal, ZYW is asked again about how he feels about what people say about him and why he doesn’t address the rumours. ZYW says that it’s pointless because his voice alone isn’t going to make all the rumours stop. JSD says that it could be cathartic to be able to yell back at people, and ZYW laughs and says it’ll only be for a moment’s satisfaction but it won’t change anything. When asked if he is a person who likes to win, ZYW said that he likes to finish things, but does that make him someone who likes to win? He doesn’t compare himself to others, but he just wants to do what’s expected of him. JSD then tells ZYW that the director of the show asked him if he was worried that netizens would accuse him of trying to use this show to try to rescue ZYW’s image (洗白, which means to “wash white”, or clear someone’s name). JSD tells ZYW that his goal is to present celebrities in an honest and genuine manner, and if it just so happens that the celebrity is actually a better person than what netizens thought, then that’s the truth and he’s not fabricating anything. 

The following evening, they have a conversation about happiness. ZYW says that he doesn’t compare between the years in his life or classify certain years or decades as being bad years or good years. He doesn’t wish to forget the bad years. He says, why would you need to forget the bad years?

By the river, ZYW asks JSD if he ever thought about what kind of animal he wanted to be. JSD says that it doesn’t really matter what animal, but if you asked him if he would rather become someone else, he’d say no. ZYW says that not wanting to be another person is a pretty good answer. 

During the final sit-down interview, JSD starts off the conversation by saying that ZYW looks relaxed most of the time, but he’s actually 绷 (”beng”) on the inside, meaning stretched-tight. ZYW asks how so. JSD says that ZYW is constantly noticing things around him, and avoiding things and people and cameras. ZYW says that it’s part of his job to notice more details more than the average person. In terms of avoiding cameras, he’s constantly being scrutinized, there are always cameras around him. Even during this interview, they have to put on a show of being relaxed in casual conversation, even though there’s a whole sea of cameras and people with mics and earpieces around them. So it’s only natural to want to try to find a balance between reel and real life by being a little aversive towards cameras and people’s scrutiny.  

JSD then says that ZYW seems like he has a lot of thoughts that he keeps to himself. JSD says ZYW is 拧巴 (”ning ba”) , which kind of means uncomfortable, awkward, restless, wanting to do something but not doing it, like for example, being uncomfortable with rumours but not addressing them. ZYW says that what’s the point of explaining? How is it meaningful? Will explaining something change you as a person? You are still you whether you choose to explain something you not. Likewise, you are still you despite the rumours. The rumours (no matter how bad they are) don’t change who you are. Only you know who you are.

This really reminds me of what Xiao Qi said in episode 64 of TRP: “If there’s anything that needs to be explained, then no matter how much you try to explain it, it’s never going to be explained away. Let them spread the rumours.”

ZYW explains that there is no way that a single word or statement from him can possibly fend off the tens of thousands of words from netizens, so there is no point. In addition, rumours are only momentary and they ebb and flow. The netizens are always going to look for a new rumour or scandal to talk about anyway, so the uproar about him is only temporary. 

ZYW also says that there will always be rumours. There’s no truth. He will never expect that a single interview can change people’s minds. First of all, the viewers can’t experience the conversation in the same way the he and JSD are currently experiencing the conversation now in this moment. The audience will be watching it through a screen. The audience will only seeing an edited recording of the conversation, but they will never be able to know or understand the “true” nature of the conversation that he and JSD are having right now because the audience isn’t here with them. This is actually some really deep and philosophical insight from ZYW lol. What is real? What is the truth? 

JSD asks ZYW is this means that he’s disappointed and lost faith with the audience. ZYW says no, this is just reality. We can only hope to influence people who are able to influence, like people in our immediate circle, but when it comes to noise or mass opinions, you don’t have control over that. 

JSD then asks about fatherhood. JSD says that most men would talk about how fatherhood has changed them. ZYW says that most of his friends talk about this, but he doesn’t. But if he doesn’t talk about it, does he think about it? ZYW pauses to reflect. In another interview, ZYW noted that all kids have their own life “scripts” that they act out and deal with (this was in response to how he doesn’t seem to be home often to be with his kid). In that interview, he said that that was the way in which he had to grow up, figuring out his own script (and essentially not relying on anyone), so he doesn’t expect it to be any different for his own child. This once again result in the media backlash against him and questioning his role as a father. Which is why when faced with this question from JSD now, ZYW has to pause to think carefully about how to answer. 

JSD asks why can’t ZYW give a straightforward answer for the audience. The audience doesn’t want to hear an answer buried in layers of meaning, but they just want a simple answer to things. ZYW says that sometimes he isn’t completely sure of what the answer to something is, and so he can’t give a straight answer. It would be easy to give the answer that the audience wants, but he needs to be able to give answer that is genuine and resonates with him. 

JSD asks how ZYW would respond if the audience calls him self-absorbed. ZYW turns the question back to JSD and asks him to provide a response for him because he doesn’t know how to. ZYW said that he would just not respond and let it pass. On top of that, ZYW says that he doesn’t think of himself as being self-absorbed at all. He’s actually dissatisfied with himself in a lot of ways, and all he wants is for the audience to not pay attention to him so that he can be peacefully left alone. 

JSD asks if ZYW is he is more afraid of being criticized or being forgotten. ZYW says that being forgotten would mean that there is a problem with his acting skills. In terms of being criticized, it would depend on the criticism. He would mind criticism towards his acting because he would want to improve any problems in craft. However, if it’s personal criticism, then he doesn’t care. 

ZYW says that someone he admires once said, it’s a complicated world out there, so find a comfortable position, change positions, and learn to live with it.

JSD’s second last question to ZYW is whether he’d rather choose a comfortable position/posture or a beautiful position/posture. ZYW said that he would choose a comfortable position. JSD asks if ZYW thinks his current “posture” looks good (i.e., if his current standing and image is favourable). ZYW asks that you’ll have to ask someone else in order to know. 

The last question asked whether ZYW can predict how this interview will be received by audience. ZYW says that they touched upon many deep topics, but it’s hard to say what kind of effect it will have on the audience, or how the audience would choose to interpret it. He’ll welcome thoughtful discussion, but it would regretful if the audience took away very superficial things from the discussion. 

JSD asks if ZYW is happy with the discussion today. ZYW says that if it weren’t for the cameras, they could have gone deeper into some topics, but because there are cameras, he has to have impose boundaries on the things he’s willing to reveal. But he says that he would be interested in having more private conversations with JSD.  

JSD ends the episode saying that ZYW is an old soul who knows himself, knows what he wants, and already has his own “world” (meaning he already has what he needs). 

lol I was at first only going to summarize the first few minutes of the episode, but I ended up watching the whole thing because I was so memorized by ZYW’s insights, so here you go, a scene by scene summary of the episode. 

For those curious, you can watch it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzt31O7imS4

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

Can we get angsty fic of Yvette and Vuz-ass make a deal for curse removal? Yvette isn’t aware of the catch. Vuz took MC’s humanity away at the same time as Yvette’s curse removal. Mc joins Vuz and make deal with demons for powers.

Written by @an-awkward-ghost

“It is always a pleasure to see you, my child.” The greeting was raspy, amusement coating it like honey. Vuzgamad never felt truly threatened by Yvette, no matter what she did or what she said. It was all a game to her, like an owner who didn’t expect their dog to bite them, and only watched fondly as it growled and whimpered and barked.

But Yvette did know how to bite, and she would draw blood when she did. It was only a matter of time.

“You said you wanted to make a deal.”

Years of experiences had taught Yvette everything she needed to know about deals. It was similar to a battlefield, where each party needed to plan their movements and proposals to the full extent. They couldn’t allow their opponent to have an unfair advantage. Quite ironically, however, they were willing to go to any lengths to cheat the other party to gain said unfair advantage – so long as they weren’t caught, anyway. Yvette wasn’t planning on letting anything slip past her, because there was no doubt Vuzgamad wanted to cheat her.

The day the demon did one thing even the slightest bit truthfully, would be the day hell froze over.

“Straight to the point,” She hummed, making a small tsk sound right afterwards. “That impatience will do you no good, girl. Don’t you want to chat a little?”

Yvette gave her a fulminating glare, blue eyes glinting dangerously. “If it doesn’t regard whatever deal it is that you want to make, I have nothing to say to you.”

“So ferocious. So brash. Well, it is to be expected, I suppose…” Vuzgamad finally, finally turned to look at her, a small smirk playing at the edge of her lips. She got the gesture and movement right; if Yvette hadn’t known she was a demon, if she hadn’t been able to see marks and the hollow eyes, she would have thought it was just another human, if a little awkward.

Vuzgamad had learnt too much about human behavior recently. It set Yvette on edge.

“Simply put, your curse has reached its peak. It’s about time to remove it.”

“…Excuse me?”

She must have heard the demon wrong. She fought to keep her breathing steady, to avoid giving Vuzgamad the reaction she wanted, but she could feel excitement bubbling inside her all the same. She schooled her expression – no, no, she couldn’t dare to hope. She couldn’t dare to believe her, not when she had been the one to curse her in the first place.

She couldn’t let her emotions override her logic. She needed to keep her yearning in check. She needed to. She needed to. The disappointment would crush her otherwise.

For a second, Vuzgamad’s eyes flickered from her expression to her hands, scanning for the slightest twitch. Her smirk stretched.

Then the demon feigned disinterest, turning to whatever she was writing. Yvette felt eerily like a child that had stumbled into their parent’s office and interrupted their work. The sensation made her shudder with disgust.

This demon was not her mother. She would never be, because Yvette had left her real mother – and any chance she had at a normal life – behind when she had decided to run away from home.

“The power your curse provides can be harvested, so that’s what I will do. Take it away.”

Her heart leaped. Yvette worried for a second that Vuzgamad could hear it. She cleared her throat, trying to crush her rising hope. Focus. She had to focus. “There must be a catch of some sort.”

“Isn’t there always, dear?” Then, silence. She was enjoying this – perhaps she wanted to see Yvette fidget? She wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. She wouldn’t – couldn’t – play right into her hands.

“I do not trust you, Vuzgamad. I will not accept your deal.” She intended to say this with conviction, but her voice wavered. Vuzgamad huffed, rolling her eyes.

“I have not finished speaking, child.”

“Could have fooled me…”

“Oh please, it was a dramatic pause. You know all about those, don’t you?”

“You were doing an excellent job at getting straight to the point.”

“Ah, so you are the only one who can have a dramatic flair?”

Yvette’s scowl deepened. “Stop. Wasting. My. Time.”

“So brash! Where did your manners go, child?” Another tsk sound. Vuzgamad turned the paper over so she could continue writing. “Yes, yes, there is a catch. The energy I harvest from you – your curse with it – will be used to bring about the end of the world. You must have known that already.”

“I hardly doubt you could destroy the world with-”

“Do you honestly think I’d have wasted years for a plan I wasn’t quite sure would work?”

Yvette bristled. With a quick movement of her hand, her cane snapped into existence. She twirled it artfully, a warning. “I do not accept.”

“Really.” The demon’s voice drips with sarcasm. “Do keep in mind there is no other way for you to get rid of that curse, save for that girl’s ability to love. We both know you won’t choose that option,” another brief, amused look, “or you could kill me, but I hardly doubt you’ll have much luck this time.”

There it was, that overwhelming desire. To be free. To be normal. To have the one thing she’d wanted almost all of her life. And it was locked behind a word and a sense of duty to her Assassin Title. If Yvette accepted, then…

Then… what?

Vuzgamad was sure her plan would work. Yvette knew it would fail.

Whatever it was that Vuzgamad believed, her curse didn’t feel powerful enough for the feat she was suggesting. Yvette was quite used to keeping the energy in check, after all. She would know better than anyone if her curse was truly at its peak.

Now this was the perfect opportunity to cheat her opponent. Yvette put on an act, refusing at first, to keep Vuzgamad from realizing what she was trying to do, before she finally agreed.

She could shoot two birds with one stone.

…

“Sounds like quite the big catch, though. Are you sure about this, Yvette?”

“I’m aware of the danger. Vuzgamad doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

Vinca gives her a sidelong glance, wary. “Is it tonight?”

“It is.”

“And I probably won’t be able to talk you out of this.”

“Mm-hm.”

“Does the pipsqueak have a better chance?”

The corners of Yvette’s lips quirk upwards at the mention. “Not any better that yours.”

Vinca moves to touch her gloved hand again, giving the interaction with Vuzgamad a few days ago another look. “I guess it’s worth a try. If she does anything, we can just gut her.”

“Assuming we’ll manage this time,” Lazareth mumbles, looking just as uneasy as Vinca is. Yvette ignores them both, fiddling with her phone to get in contact with MC. She can’t wait to share the news.

…

“You brought company,” Vuzgamad notes, drily.

“What is it that you always tell me…? The more the merrier, was it?”

Vuzgamad laughs. It’s an awful sound, like a claw scrapping metal, inhumane and atrocious. Yvette winces. Vinca glares daggers at the demon, hands twitching towards the tiny knives on her dress, though she grits her teeth and makes no other movement. Lazareth casts the room a quizzical look, obviously on the hunt for a hint regarding whatever ritual Vuzgamad was going to use.

MC stood beside them, the very definition of calm. Yvette smiled to herself, knowing MC had taken her lessons about how to school her expression to heart. Having everyone by her side meant the world to her, emboldening her, giving her the strength she needs to face Vuzgamad and emerge victorious.

The thing is… nothing went as planned.

The curse removal was less painful than she expected it to be. Energy swirled out of her and into a device Vuzgamad had prepared, a small gray stone which quickly turned into a bright, pulsing orange. It was an odd sensation, not having to subconsciously keep the curse in check. Yvette felt almost hollow, but she quickly shrugged the feeling away.

She felt cold. For the first time in ages, she felt cold.

The chill of the wind bit into her skin like tiny knives laced with a numbing substance. Vinca moved to her side, watching her worriedly, her hand hovering over Yvette’s elbow and sending a shock of warmth through her system.

The curse had been blindingly hot, never warm. Yvette half-expected it to be scalding, but this warmth was soothing. Yvette found herself unconsciously leaning into it.

Smiling, Yvette looked up to meet MC’s eyes. And her whole world shattered when she saw none of the loving support MC had always given her, just stony indifference.

MC then walked towards Vuzgamad, who gave her the stone without a word.

Lazareth bristled at the sight. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

They glare at each other, the tension skyrocketing by the second. Yvette blinks. Blinks again. Blinks once more, trying to comprehend what’s happening, trying to understand why MC is standing beside Vuzgamad and not her. It doesn’t make sense. It is unexpected, and for a second Yvette feels a different kind of cold – it descends on her with a rush of panic

Vinca steps in front of her like some sort of human shield. Yvette can’t see the blonde’s expression but she can easily imagine it, all furrowed eyebrows and stormy blue eyes.

"You have one minute to explain before I gut you out. Both of you."

Vuzgamad chuckles. She turns in MC's direction with a maniac grin. "Yes MC, do explain to my child and her friends your decision." The glint in her eye reminds Yvette of the day she has first meet the demon, when she had ruined her life with the curse. She looks at it now and immediately understands her life will be ruined yet again.

MC shrugs. "Helping you was kind of pathetic. I decided to join the winning side."

"Pathetic?" Vinca repeats, her voice like acid. "I don't know if you hit your head or something, pipsqueak, but the only pathetic thing around here is your existence. Are you trying to shy await from that fact? Or are you just too delusional to-"

"MC." Her voice wavers, but it still rings sharply through the room. Vinca stops talking, choosing to seethe in anger while Lazareth gives them both one long, worried look. Yvette ignores everything - Vuzgamad's amused stare, MC's own disgusted one - and focuses on the woman she remembers MC to be. The woman she fell in love. The bike mechanic in front of her is a stranger, an illusion. "It's a lie. S-some sort of joke in very poor sense. It must be."

MC smiles. "The only joke around here is you."

Everything she is feeling is replaced by anger. Anger at Vuzgamad, anger at herself, anger at the world. The thing she desires the most slips through her fingers once more, as it seems destined to do.

The person she trusted above everything else. The person she can't believe is turning her back on her like this. The person she had given everything for, standing before her, letting all those precious, precious memories rot at the edge of her consciousness, not showing any remorse at all.

Yvette's first thought is that she is possessed. One look into her eyes confirms she is not.

The cold is but a distant memory, her pure being enveloped by the heat of her frustration.

Vinca gasps, taking a few steps back. "Yvette, your eyes!" Her eyes open wide, "your curse!"

Lazareth brandishes his weapon, bewildered. "The ritual was a hoax."

Vuzgamad bats his words away with a hand, still chuckling. "Hardly. I merely gathered enough energy for the curse to weaken, not to break. Yvette's conflicting feelings have strengthened it beyond comprehension." She pauses to bark a small laugh when Yvette's eyes snap towards her, blazing. "Child! What did you take me for? Did you think I didn't know your curse wasn't ready for harvest yet? It would have taken another decade, probably, but this little event speed the process up. Isn't it glorious?"

Yvette took a deep, calming breath. She could feel the curse's energy replenishing, fueled by her anger. It wasn't close to its usual amount, but Yvette could feel it nonetheless. The curse was stronger. One slip and everything would burn.

 "Where are the tears, Yvette?" MC asked. "I was expecting some serious waterworks from you! Too bad."

“Oh, that is it!”

Vinca’s knives flash. The realization MC has turned into an enemy – an enemy she will have to fight – locks Yvette in place. She can only watch as the knives soar through the air, directly towards MC’s shoulder. Ah, Vinca wants to paralyze her. Maybe so they can focus on Vuzgamad first. Yvette can get behind that plan, she wants to interrogate MC further.

But her thoughts quickly dissipate when the knives stop in mid-air. MC smirks, tapping the side of her head with a lazy, confident motion.

Lazareth grunts. “Telekinesis?”

“Isn’t it cool?” She asks. A flicker of her wrist, and the knives turn.

Yvette summons her sword with a trembling hand. Its weight offers some semblance of comfort, of control, but a quick look around reveals they are at a disadvantage. Eyeless demons are pouring out of the shadows in one big, crazed mass of bodies. They could probably take them on with little to no problem, but Yvette doesn’t think she’s in a good emotional place to endure the fight.

Her concentration spills into reality, turning it into a distraction that won’t last more than a couple of seconds.

It’s enough time to escape.

And so, she meets Vinca and Lazareth’s questioning gaze and orders a retreat, gritting her teeth, wondering how and why everything turned out the way it did.

She should have never assumed she could cheat Vuzgamad.

[life-rewritten]

Symbolism and Foreshadowing in My Gear and Gown

Watching this show has been a pleasure and also at times, frustrating. And I like to always rant about the negatives because it's important to criticise something so next time these mistakes aren't recreated. It's just the sad result of the potential lost from this show to make it one of the best of 2020. But instead of focusing on the negatives, I've decided to bring in the positives, the reason for why I enjoy mostly the character arcs and the use of subtext, symbolism and foreshadowing to bring depth to the story and characters as they grow and change throughout the show. So here's an analysis of My Gear and Your Gown episode 1-7.

Manipulation, Deceit and Miscommunication

Itts hate for the class system (rich vs poor)

As much as I hate how Irrational Itt was during episode 7. I will admit that it's been hinted to the audience that this is how he will react, and this would be the reason for why he and Pai have relationship dynamic in the university arc. He's like a fuse ready to light up whenever he thinks he's been used or manipulated by the system/world. Itt shows hate and disdain for the rich, and we see this with Pai actually in episode 1 when he thinks he gets away with life quickly because he's rich and he judges him as to be someone who gets things quickly with manipulation and bribery. And he tells Pure straight away he hates that, he hates how the rich can get away with everything because they can play the system.

Next, the one thing he showed some care towards, and the reason for their fight was the club room no matter how stupid it was to fight over. We see how defensive he is of the space for people like him to come and enjoy things. Seeing as it's not easy for him to have the things he wants like dreams and hopes. From the beginning, it makes sense he's possessive of the things that matter to him and that he cares about. He's also lost a version of his moral compass; his mum plus I think his dad had also made him wary of adults and people in general with scheming, backstabbing or lack of loyalty (that he feels happened to his mother before she died of cancer).

Itts oversensitive and prideful personality

So it's like all the stuff he said to Pure in episode 1-2 about hating being manipulated comes back to slap him and us in the face when he realises that Pai took a bribe to tutor him and take care of him and help him achieve his dream to become an engineer. It's not because of him just doing it willingly, but he had other motives. So Pai sending him tutoring lessons still without communicating to Itt that he could care less about the club room makes it even iffier and frustrating to Itt which is why he goes to his house and throws the notes in his face. He's like you're really going that far to get the stupid club room and you won't let it go but what about me and our friendship we've built.

He doesn't see that Pai cares more about him than anything else. All he sees is the first impression he had of Pai which is rich, likes to show off that he's successful and better than Itt and gets away with things through manipulation and bribery that Itt won't be able to get away with. And Pai doesn't try after trying once to tell him that, that's not it,  he resigns himself to Itt hating him and refuses to communicate or show that it's not the club room he cares about which is just dumb from both of them.

It's more painful for Pai because we know he had an unrequited love for Itt and he's slowly giving up on the hassle and pain that brings, he's decided he's doomed to keep being alone as his one, and the only hero he cares about hates him and also sees him as a menace. He embodies that, decides to focus on what his parents want from him and the path he was meant to take from the beginning; medicine and give up on things that don't pertain to that.

The consequences of Miscommunication

This is why Itt not returning the earring is sad because it's foreshadowing that the one thing Pai held onto for a representation of rebelling from his predestined path and suffocating future is now lost by the person he trusted the most. (analysed about in this post)

Furthermore, Itt is bad at miscommunication, and it's an annoying thing. He doesn't know how to apologise, and so he hides and proceeds to keep acting like he's still holding a grudge; this is why episode 6 was important it was showing how he works and why it will doom his relationship with Pai. Because Pai is someone who gives up easily and lets Itt stay mad. He doesn't try again to talk to Itt after the small smile scene (where you see the hope leave him to try) and the notes to get Itt to understand his feelings. He just resigns himself to being hated by Itt. And Itt even if he comes to a conclusion he's not as mad, he won't apologise or return because he's prideful and he doesn't know how to do that.

It was Waan and Pure who helped him make up with Pai in episode 6, and they seem okay with their own friendship and not willing to help bring the two together again to discuss. Which is sad and frustrating, but it's their business. Itt's over sensitive and prideful ego is what causes him to hurt Pai without truly knowing what it did to him. I'm guessing in University he'll get to see and understand, but I haven't read the book to see if it's just as angsty or if it's fluffy and he manages to reunite with Pai. Also, he seemed to slowly be getting close to recognising his feelings for Pai in episode 6, and I wonder if when we start university arc in episode 8 if he already has come to terms with it or if he still doesn't know he has them. Hopefully, he puts two and two together, and that's why he's chasing after Pai and helping him secretly in the trailer.

The loss of the earring: Foreshadowing and Symbolism

The use of earrings in My Gear and Gown

Don't think I have to spell this out too much, but the earring to Pai represents two things for him. In the rooftop scene in episode 7, he's so determined to hold onto these two things so he can be happy. Still, upon Itt refusing to give it to him and losing it forever, he resigns to the fact that these two things weren't meant to be his. Hence he becomes more robotic and following life rules ordained for him and accepting his loneliness as a norm. The earring represents:

1. Itt to Pai

 Itt manages to because of love and feelings pierce through Pai's walls and make him actually want to hope for something more for himself. He's so in awe of how great Itt is when it comes to strength; caring for his mum and being an all-star athlete. He's so grateful that despite disliking him, Itt still came to his rescue. And his feelings are uncontrollable, but he enjoys being with Itt because it makes him feel like he's doing something for himself. The earring is also not perfect when he first sees it, it's missing shades of colour and looks from afar like a rock/brick (which is what Itts name is in English).

The imperfections of the earring point to Itt and the way he's imperfect but Pai can't help but love that about him. It's like his life as a rich heir to his family's hospital is ordained to be on this perfect pathway, he must be smart, reasonable and on top always of everything. He must keep the reputation and dreams of his parents and family, and Itt shows up and shows him that it's okay to have little imperfections here and there it's okay to actually skew of that path, he gives Pai a reason to want to act out and discover what he truly wants for himself. And to break away from that lonely monotonous cycle he's found himself in from when he was born.

2. The hope for freedom and free will. 

Again the conversation when Itt convinces Pai to get the earring is another sign of what the earring means to Pai. Instead of being selfless and just thinking of others, he can do what he wants to do, can find his own voice and opinions because he's human not a robot he doesn't have to stagnantly follow all the traditions and rules set before him. He can act out and learn what he truly wants in life.

Pai clings unto the earring because he holds onto that message, helping Itt and Tutoring Itt is the first time he does something he wants to, piercing his ears is the first time he does something rebellious and freeing. He's happy and feels less suffocated by all that is around him. Being with Itt and wearing the earring reminds him of what Itt told him he's free to make choices and to decide for himself what he wants.

The loss of free will and hope of love

It's why the rooftop scene is painful, Itt holding back the earring, acting like he threw it away is a representation of Itt throwing away Pai's idea of free will and self-agency. Almost like the hope and glimpse at what it would be like to do things for himself and skew of the path is now closed because he realises it hurts him. It results in him ending up being hated,  pushed to the side and taken for granted.

Just like with love the earring being lost represents love being removed from Pai's life because he decides to not rebel or find what he wants; there's no point when in doing what is ordained for him he'll be successful and protected from hurt and pain. He decides as Itt walks away and his mission is done to throw away all those thoughts and forget about Itt and love. And it sucks.

Losing the earring in episode 6 foreshadowed that Itt was going to lose Pai, or Pai was going to lose Itt in this case, and it immediately coincided with Itt over hearing about the bribe. That's why it hurts because the title my gear and your gown focused on the two earrings of these two, we've only seen the gown side of things with Pai, and so it's time to see Itts own link to the gear earing he finds later on.

The loss of Pai’s Glasses

I also want to mention Pai's glasses. They are also a symbolic tool of his real self and clarity. Itt fixing them for him in episode 1 with a bandage shows what Itt is to him a healing influence for when his life seemed suffocating.  But it also represents Pai's actual self and his need for clarity. For him, it's like losing his glasses is like losing a part of himself and also losing the ability to see makes him vulnerable, scared, hurt and weak.

Itt shows up and protects him, and helps fix it. In University Clarity has been lost, Pai's real self has been hidden and pushed down, and he's just a shell, the only thing I'm guessing making him interested in life again,  is the introduction to someone known as Mr 950 who seems to keep an eye out for him and help him. Pai no longer wears his glasses as he mentioned in episode 1 and that shows that he's lost the most prominent symbol important to him something he actually did connect with, and a part of himself. He's become entirely the person he wanted to not be, the robotic stoic, monotone person who has to do what's right and be successful. He's also given up on clarity when it comes to love, he's lost any need for it, and he's shoved down those parts of himself that cared. This is why his glasses are heavily talked about at the beginning of the show. They represent him just as much as the earring represents Itt to him.

So yeah we're about to get into University, and it's going to be fun and nice to see Itt finally have to do something to win Pai back. Cannot wait to see who Mr 950 is and how Pai will return back to his hopeful romantic self again. And how Itt will make up for what he's done. Hopefully, the show picks up its pace and actually comes through with a good university arc to make up for the issues we've had so far with it.

MORE ANALYSIS ABOUT THE THEMES OF THE POSTS HERE

[gamelpar]

A Second Chance

Red Team origin story.

Jerome never stopped fighting; he just chose to fight for something else.

Characters: Douglas-042, Jerome-092, Alice-130, unnamed Spartan-II trainees, Dr. Haley (mentioned), Chief Mendez (mentioned)

Warnings: a little angsty i guess, death (minor unnamed characters), guilt, sorrow, suffering, my writing at its finest

a fanfic for my lovely Red Team babies and anyone else in the Halo fandom who adores them as much as me. they truly do not have the amount of content they deserve.

edit: read it on ao3

______

A few years had gone since Jerome woke up in an unfamiliar bed in an unknown facility on a planet called Reach, and a woman---Dr. Halsey---had gathered him and a big bunch of other kids his age in a room and told them that they were to become the protectors of humanity and Earth and all her colonies. Him and 74 other candidates  were to be trained to become soldiers of the UNSC.

He’d resisted. Others had as well. Some tried to escape. Jerome tried to escape many times despite knowing Mendez and the other DIs would always be waiting for him, always using more physical force and different tactics to throw him off from attempting again each time. He refused to be intimidated, though, and there were recurring instances where his violence towards the DIs that tried to stop him exceeded way past the limits that other trainees generally didn’t dare attempt to reach. He’d managed to even send a few to the infirmary with injuries that required immediate medical attention. He swore to himself that he would never stop fighting.

However, he eventually came to accept this new life, this new responsibility that was put on him. There were people---Dr. Halsey foremost---who held faith in him. Who believed he was capable of so much more, and what if he was? He didn’t stop fighting, no---he just chose to fight for something else, and in the last months he’d risen quickly among the top candidates.

In the absence of his real family back on Minister, he’d become close and forged a friendship with some of the other trainees, and eventually they became a team---something like family---most of them no longer remembered the family they’d originally come from. They became Red Team, with Jerome as team leader.

------

During a game of Capture the Flag, Jerome and his team faced off against another team in which a certain trainee, Douglas-042, was a member of.

During one of the rounds he’d advanced for Jerome but Jerome had evaded his blows and moves and beaten him, and advancing further Red Team ultimately won the game. The anger that he’d seen blazing in 042’s eyes was something he would never forget. The anger was familiar. He’d felt that same anger himself. It is still there, seething around inside him but he has control over it. Something that 042 yet had seemed to master.

Jerome had watched him sometime afterwards, and it quickly came clear that it was a serious issue of 042 that he struggled to fix and control, and was often berated by Mendez and the other DIs for it.

You have to learn how to control it, Jerome told him once during lunch, after Douglas’ and his team lost another game. It was the first words he said to him. You need to adapt sooner or later. Like I did.

-------

Jerome-092 remembered pain---unexplainable pain, and crying and screaming as his limbs thrashed around and he tried to move, tried to escape. And then nothing.

He woke up high on painkillers; mind fuzzy, body throbbing with pain, skin dry and cold, insides burning like a blazing fire. He couldn’t breathe. Soon there were doctors and nurses all around him.

Washout. That was what they had called him. You have been washed out of the program.

You failed.

They told him his body had rejected the augmentation procedures but that he was lucky. He survived.

Many others didn’t. Jerome was the only member of his team who’d survived. His friends---people he’d known as family---were dead. Their deaths, slow and painful.

Gone.

A knife twisted its way into his heart and he felt broken.

They told him the procedures had crippled him but that he was lucky.

There were others who’d been crippled in worse ways than he had. Those who barely looked human anymore. The knife twisted deeper and waves of guilt, sorrow, anger---emotions Jerome couldn’t distinguish---hit him on and on.

33 survivors fit for duty. 30 dead. 12 crippled, Jerome included, and it all left him with a great sense of failure, guilt of a survivor, a soul and body shattered and wasted.

He’d accepted the new turn of events of being raised and trained as a soldier. He never imagined that something inevitable would happen to render him unfit for that purpose after fully committing his life to it.

He went into rehabilitation and a few weeks went by which were spent performing different types of exercises, scheduled for several medical appointments, undergoing therapy sessions and more, all as part of a scheme created to help him recover from the failed augmentations.

One day Chief Mendez had come to speak to him, curious of how he was holding up. Jerome had told the Chief the truth but didn’t express the sense of guilt and failure he was constantly tortured by. The Chief had nodded in response and told him his rehabilitation was going well. So well, he told him that he would be given a second chance.

A second chance.

A second chance to become a soldier, a second chance to become a Spartan. Become what he had spent his life since he was six training for. Jerome could hardly believe it, mostly because he feared it was false hope. Mendez explained to him that his failed augmentations hadn’t crippled him as severely as it had for others, and that the progress of his rehabilitation had been shown promising enough for a second attempt.

A second chance; he’d do anything for that. If it meant that he had to be re-trained and suffer through re-augmentations, then so be it. He’d dishonor his dead and crippled comrades if he didn’t take it.

Mendez had also told him that he wouldn’t be the only one. There were others like him who would be given a second chance. Jerome felt a bit uneasy by that. It still felt like only days had gone since he’d lost his friends---his whole team, and their deaths were still fresh in his mind. But perhaps building up a new team would give him something else to occupy his mind with.

------

It was during his first day of the retraining in one of the facilities that he had been joined by another trainee. One like him, who’d failed the augmentations but been given a second chance.

Jerome immediately recognized Douglas-042.

His gait was still a little stiff from the failed procedures despite having been through rehabilitation like Jerome, and his skin was paler than ever. His jaw was clenched and Jerome suspected he was still in some pain; Jerome’s own bones still ached and his mind was a little dizzy sometimes.

“Hey,” he greeted him.

“Hey,” Douglas greeted back, his gruff voice carrying a sense of wariness of the current situation. 

“Jerome-Zero-Nine-Two,” Jerome introduced himself. He didn’t know if Douglas recognized him; it had been a long time since their first interaction when Jerome had offered his advice. And the air was tense with uncertainty and uneasiness. Just something small and simple to tone it down, maybe.

“Douglas-Zero-Four-Two,” he replied curtly, scratching his neck. Jerome scratched his arms, the silence pressuring in on them.

They remained quiet for just a few minutes when another trainee joined them. Alice-130.

Jerome recognized her as one of the most capable and determined trainees he’d ever faced off against in training. 130 had quickly become known among the 75 of them as being one of the few who didn’t seem as traumatized by the sudden change in their lives like many others were.

Rather, she seemed to thrive on it. The hard and difficult training had been a series of seemingly impossible challenges for all of them, but 130 had been as determined as always to succeed, seemingly taking each lesson she was taught to the heart. Jerome held no doubt that out of the three of them, she’d been first to embrace the new path presented in her life while Jerome had whole-heartedly refused to accept it and Douglas had struggled with the grave differences his new life presented in contrast to his earlier.

She was driven by her yearning for action and lived for the combat and challenges she faced. Never one to be driven and blinded by anger.

He admired her for that.

They introduced themselves to her and she did the same, before things went quiet again. The air was still as tense as before.

“So…” Douglas tried but quickly trailed off. None of them really knew what to say or do. It was scary to believe that they’d been given a second chance when the program had labeled them as washouts.

But they had that in common. They were washouts, who failed the augmentations, who were given a second chance while wondering what had gone wrong, why they failed the first time, why they survived when so many others of them didn't. It wasn’t fair.

Life hardly ever was.

Jerome fiddled with his fingers on his arm. The three of them would supposedly become the new composition of Red Team, and he would again serve as team leader. He better get comfortable leading a team consisting of members he hardly knew.

“They gave us a second chance,” he began carefully, eyeing Alice and Douglas, attempting to draw out a response from either of them to better understand their take on the situation.

“Neither of us wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t the case,” Alice replied hesitantly, her strained voice betraying the hopeful excitement glimmering in her green eyes.

Jerome took a deep breath; at least he wasn’t alone in this.

This had to be a second chance.

He’d lost people he’d considered family and he missed them every day dearly. The knife was there again and twisted into his heart. There was pain and guilt. Douglas and Alice probably felt the same. They’d lost something as well. The three of them had been through the same events with similar losses. The three of them were the same.

It was a second chance.

“Yeah,” Douglas said warily after a moment, then quickly cleared his throat and spoke again, this time with more confidence and optimism. “It has to be.”

“Despite everything,” Alice continued, her voice a little stronger.

Jerome nodded. They hardly knew each other; they were still in pain but despite everything they have a second chance here. They should take it.

“A second chance,” Alice voiced his thoughts. “I’d take it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Douglas said in agreement and Jerome nodded his. A second chance.

Alice let out a breath and when she spoke next her voice didn’t sound as strained as before, her tone more that of confidence and determination. “Then let’s make sure we make it count.”

Make it count. A second chance to create something for what each of them had lost.

Don’t waste it.

Jerome no longer felt as wasted as he did before.

“Agreed,” Douglas replied, eyes shining now with the same determination and he rolled his shoulders a bit to loosen them up. “I’d say we better get started then, eh?”

Alice nodded at his proposal, challenge burning in her eyes.

Jerome looked at them. Each of them had suffered and lost much but it didn’t mean it was the end of things. They didn’t know each other well, but that would change.

It was a new beginning, maybe.

“Yes,” he said, loud and clear with confidence. A second chance for something new. “Let’s get started.”