#i had the worst morning ever and couldn’t stop crying for hours and wanted to call out of work but i didn’t

[steviescrystals]

somebody has to be playing a prank on me today like this is not real!

[hyunebunx]

⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 ⏖ ’ skz and the reason you aren't together !

⁺ 𖹭 . genre: angst

⁺ 𖹭 . a/n: i loveee me some angst so i hope you'll enjoy! <3 seungmin's part is slightly longer because i wrote it for my beloved keisy @starlostseungmin <3

𝜗୧ chan 𝜗୧ - he chose work over pursuing his feelings for you.

He knows how you feel about him, and you know how he feels about you. Things couldn’t be simpler.

But in reality, things were more complicated than ever. Yes, Chan did in fact confess, but with the same breath he also told you this could never go any further.

You were devastated, confused and sad, not understanding what was going on through that bright mind of his.

You liked each other, you both wanted this – so, what was the issue?

It wasn’t you, it could never be. It was him, as always.

He was too busy, his job too demanding to leave any room for you and the precious feelings you’ve developed for him.

Chan felt like he didn’t deserve your love, because he could never be there for you in the way you needed a boyfriend to be.

He could never be there every morning when you woke up, kiss you goodbye each time you left the house or greet you with a big hug when you returned. He just couldn’t, too caught up in work to even notice the hours tick by.

You didn’t deserve an absent lover, one that could not put you first.

No matter how much he cared, how much his whole being longed for you, his job would always be his main priority. Then, his seven brothers. While you, would end up being third on his list.

It pained him to admit it, and even more so admit it to you but since he respected you so much, you deserved nothing but the truth.

This information crushed you, every word that left his mouth a stone that contributed to the mountain you were quickly getting buried under.

“But I love you.”

He shook his head, brown curls getting into glossy eyes. “I love you too, but we – I, can’t.”

At the end, just as you were preparing to depart his studio, he stood up. Without thinking, you hugged tightly, aware this would be the last time before things would change forever.

“Please don’t be sad because of me.”

How could you not? How did he expect you to not mourn the beautiful relationship you could have had, if only he wasn’t so against it?

If only he would have chosen you.

𝜗୧ minho 𝜗୧ - because he broke up with you.

Yeah, pro idol Minho ended your relationship on a random Thursday night, taking everyone but most importantly you, by complete surprise.

“Let’s break up.”

You can’t believe your ears, especially since you’re in his house, eating the food he just prepared for the both of you, in his kitchen while wearing one of his shirts.

Nothing was amiss, nothing even prompted it. Things have been going great in your relationship – there was no recent argument or disagreement that could explain his sudden decision.

Blames it on his work and his hectic schedule, trying to appear as detached and unaffected as he possibly could. But you know better; you see it all.

The way his fist clenches over the dish rag, how his eyes won’t meet yours even for a split second. This isn’t something he wants to do, not in the slightest. Yet, here he is, breaking both of your hearts for a reason he doesn’t even bother revealing.

It stings in the worst way possible, even more so when you stand up to hug him and he just puts a hand up, stopping you in your tracks.

“Please, Y/n. Don’t make this harder for me.”

Tears well up in your eyes and that’s when he looks away, slumping against the counter as a sniff reaches his ears. He’s gripping the wood with such force you’re afraid it might actually snap.

“Why are you doing this? What’s going on?”

But Minho doesn’t respond, not even as you start crying and begging him to talk to you, to tear down the wall he suddenly plopped right between you two in your relationship.

He’s so close, mere inches away, but his heart that belonged to you, that always responded to yours, is suddenly grabbed harshly out of your hands and shipped away to an unknown destination.

“Minho.” You sniff, not hiding your tears or the pain that’s slowly ripping your heart to pieces and letting them fall all the way down to your stomach, trying to escape from the torture. Because even the idea of not having him in your life was pure torture.

“I think you should go.”

He walks past you, head hung low as he throws the dish rag on the table without saying anything else, putting an end to the conversation. An end to your relationship. Throwing it all away like the time spent together meant absolutely nothing to him.

Like it was the easiest thing in the world.

But it wasn’t, not like he’d ever let see you the way he broke down as you slammed the front door shut, walking out of his life for good. Even if you didn’t agree, it was better this way.

Your life was better, and happier, without him in it. That’s what he kept murmuring to himself as he slid to the ground, against his bedroom door, crying while clutching his chest, afraid his heart might stop beating.

It was all for the better.

𝜗୧ changbin 𝜗୧ - is already in a relationship.

The most stupid thing you can ever do in this lifetime is fall in love with someone who’s already in love with another.

Not only is he in love, he’s also in relationship that’s been going on for three beautiful years.

The thing is, you haven’t always had feelings for Changbin.

It was weird, really. For the longest time now, he was just your bubbly co-worker who laughed so loud the whole department could hear him. The mood maker of the company.

It happened on the annual Christmas party, where you drunk a little too much as you were nursing a broken heart after your ex dumped you out of the blue.

The whole world was spinning but you were happy – happier than you’ve been in months.

Noticing you could barely stand, Changbin ever the gentleman, offered to drive you home.

You complained and complained but after some more convincing from him, Changbin managed to coax you onto the passenger seat of his sports car.

You were silent the whole ride but as he parked on your driveway, he gasped, worriedly grasping your hands and exclaiming about the tears on your cheeks. You didn’t even notice you were crying.

But that’s when the dam broke and it all came to the surface, tears flowing freely down your face and neck as you sobbed, telling Changbin everything from beginning to end.

And he listened, holding your hands and nodding when appropriate, offering you the occasional sip of water or a tissue to wipe your face, not interrupting once.

His heart broke for you, unaware his mere presence was already working on mending yours.

The next morning, you almost didn’t show up to work as you remembered everything, how you made a fool out of yourself in front of everyone but especially Changbin. But something pushed you to do so.

As you arrived, a care basket was on your desk, accompanied by a little note with a crooked smiley face and then, he appeared, doing the exact same expression.

And you laughed, wholeheartedly. And you continued to do so as you began taking your lunch breaks together, working side by side and even taking turns on driving the other home.

Falling for him was inevitable, but you didn’t mind, all warm and fuzzy on the inside as the heart your ex broke was anew.

That is, until you met her. You and Changbin became so close that he couldn’t help but want to introduce you to his other half, the woman who loved him unconditionally that knew a little too much about you.

And just like that, your heart shattered once again, the pieces so tiny they were easily blown away in the wind, leaving behind a big whole were all of your love once resided. How could you be so stupid to believe someone could ever love you again?

𝜗୧ hyunjin 𝜗୧ - you found out he was in love with someone else.

Plain and simple, as heartbreaking as it sounds.

Let me paint this picture: you two are best friends, each other’s safe places. You always talk about everything and anything with one another, feeling comfortable to share even your darkest secrets.

Because of that, you genuinely thought he might even reciprocate your feelings at some point.

But one day, as you’re both hanging out at your house, watching a movie, all of the hope and daydreams you held in your heart for a happy ending with him just get crushed.

He suddenly dumps this new information on you while he’s casually munching on some popcorn, watching the couple on the screen confess their love for each other like your heart didn’t just stop beating.

You’re so taken aback that you stop breathing for a moment, looking at him with wide eyes.

For some strange reason, Hyunjin doesn’t meet your gaze even as it goes silent between you two and your eyes keep burning holes into the side of his head.

Only when you finally tear your gaze away, eyes glossy as you try to murmur encouraging words does he finally turn to you.

His breath hitches in his throat at the sight but other than that, he doesn’t comment on it.

The whole ordeal feels like a slap in the face, hurting more than any physical injury you’ve ever sustained but, it’s not like you could blame anyone but yourself for it. You’ve missed your chance and now, Hyunjin was going to be in a happy relationship with someone else.

So, as expected from any best friend put in that situation, you say through gritted teeth.

“You should confess.”

Hyunjin searches your face for any sign of discomfort and finds many – but, as expected, doesn’t say anything, just looks away and nods slowly. Like he just can’t maintain eye contact for more than five seconds at a time.

And that’s the end of it. The whole vibe changes, now uncomfortable and cold and it’s clear that neither of you is paying any attention to the movie anymore.

But he still remains till the end, and when the credits start rolling, you stand up first and bid him goodnight without your usual warm smile or departing embrace before sprinting up the stairs to your room.

His heart squeezes painfully in his chest as your door slams shut, the tears in your eyes bringing him unexplainable sorrow.

And as he leaves your apartment that night, down in the dumps, you know things between you have changed forever.

Because that’s the last time you and Hyunjin talk.

𝜗୧ jisung 𝜗୧ - he hasn’t confessed yet.

Jisung has liked you for a while now but for some reason, every time he wanted to take that leap of faith and finally confess, something always came up.

You were interrupted, plans had to be cancelled or you were simply too busy to even talk to each other.

It was driving him insane, especially when he’d spot you at an event surrounded by people he felt he couldn’t push through, missing his chance at your attention every time.

He felt forced to watch you from the sidelines, a background character in your life that would never get his moment to shine.

You were friends, but he often felt he cared about you more than you cared about him and it was tearing him apart.

Each time you smiled or laughed at one of his jokes, everything around him disappeared as time seemed to come to a stop, making you look even more beautiful. Which was a hard thing to do since you were already perfect in his eyes.

His insecurities and crippling fear of rejection were literally ruining his life, preventing him from experiencing the love story he’s been yearning for.

Jisung was good at hiding his feelings from you, but sometimes, he slipped up.

Like that time, he held your waist for a little too long, or guided your hands over the piano keys like it was the most natural thing in the world. Those moments when he wasn’t overly conscious, when he got lost in the moment, were your favorite.

You see, in his mission to prevent you from discovering how insanely in love he was with you, Jisung managed to make you believe the opposite. That he hated you. Okay, maybe not hate, just strongly dislike.

Always avoiding being left alone with you, barely meeting your eyes or pulling away when you got a little too close. He seemed repulsed, and it hurt you.

Where you really that unpleasant in his eyes?

He was nice and bubbly around everyone else, no matter the gender. Why couldn’t he be the same Jisung whose smile made your heart skip several beats around you, too?

This went on for a long while, which solidified the idea he hated you in your head, until you couldn’t take it anymore.

One day, Jisung almost walked in on you and Felix…hugging on the practice room floor? His heart dropped, brows furrowing in confusion. Felix knew how he felt about you, he would never disregard that, right?

Everything clicked when he heard your muffled sobs and pained voice.

“I give up, Felix.” You said, hiding your face in his chest as a loud sob escaped you. “Jisung hates me, it’s official! I tried so, so hard but it was no use.” Felix murmured something back, deep voice uncharacteristically soft as he comforted you, caressing your back.

Jisung couldn’t hear what he said though, eyes filling with tears as the only thing resonating in his ears was the pounding of his own heart. You thought…he hated you?

𝜗୧ felix 𝜗୧ - because your relationship is too…complicated at the moment.

Complicated didn’t even begin to describe your relationship with the ray of sunshine.

He was your ex that somehow slithered his way back into your life again, only this time, as a friend. Not even, just an acquaintance that knew too many of your secrets and biggest aspirations.

There was no denying the feelings you still harbored for him, the flame flickering in your heart each time he was around; each time he spoke, he smiled, he laughed or even as much as looked at you, your heart thumped so loudly in your chest you were afraid he was able to hear it.

It was embarrassing, especially since he didn’t seem as affected.

Your relationship ended on a sour note – arguing, screaming, crying, the whole package.

Yet a few months later, when you happened to be at the same party, Felix accompanied by a friend walked up to you like nothing even happened, greeting you brightly.

It was horrible, and you almost cried right there and then, missing the way his doe eyes took in all of the little details that changed about you ever since you broke up, desperately committing them to memory.

Like he never wanted to forget, because he didn’t. Felix never wanted to forget about you, even if you didn’t love him anymore.

And so, this happened a few more times until the inevitable took place.

You kissed. And never spoke about it.

And then you kissed again, and again, until he was coming over to your house in the middle of the night to do more than kiss.

It messed with your head, the way he was looking at you – like you hung the stars on the night sky for him and him alone. Like he loved you and wasn’t breaking your heart each time those plush lips kissed every inch of your skin, worshipping every part of your body.

“Why do you keep coming back?” You’d whisper one night, resting your head on his naked chest as the moon bare witness to your unspoken feelings.

“You keep calling.”

“And when I’ll stop,” you move to look at him, face mere inches away from his, hands supporting your weight on his chest, “will you still come?”

He hesitates, staring straight into your eyes. “Most likely, yeah.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

Yeah…complicated.

𝜗୧ seungmin 𝜗୧ - because he is your best friend.

For most, the transition from best friends to lovers was as natural as breathing, something inevitable that was bound to happen one way or the other. Not for Seungmin.

He didn’t even allow his mind to go down that road, to think about being more than friends with you, one of the people he held the closest to his heart.

Not because he didn’t have romantic feelings for you, but because he was afraid.

Yes, he was afraid that once that line was crossed, the one that kept you firmly in place in the beautiful friendship that only blossomed and became very special over the years, it would all disappear.

Things would change and shift, which would bring forth your downfall.

In his eyes, the risk of fighting and breaking up was too big for him to even consider taking your relationship to the next level. He didn’t want to lose you, never.

But what he failed to take into account was that you would not stay single forever.

That’s why, the moment you skipped over to him and squealed about having a date, his heart almost stopped beating.

His world was spinning, like an earthquake started in his head which was quickly crumbling down every single wall and boundary, and rational decision he ever made over the years.

“You…have a date?” He gulped, ignoring the alarms going off in his head that were deafening him. “With who?”

“This guy from work.” You shrugged, excitement dimming as your gaze met his, serious. “He isn’t the one I like, but I guess it will have to do for now.”

Seungmin wasn’t stupid but his heart understood your allusion before his mind did, thumping loudly and stealing his breath away.

You were talking about him. You were going out with another guy but were thinking about him – he was the one you liked!

Still, he didn’t vocalize a response, choosing to nod and pat you on the back gently, staring at anything else other than the disappointment that overwhelmed your whole frame, making you appear oh so small.

The day of your date arrived sooner than he’d like, and Seungmin was miserable, especially since you texted him the location ‘just in case’.

Usually, he was more than happy to know where you were, safe and sound, but this time he would have preferred you didn’t let him know you were with another guy at the restaurant you frequented together.

Hours passed, and night was making its presence known, but still no sign from you. Was he worried? No. Because for once, you staying out meant the date was a success and you were having the time of your life with this guy that wasn’t him.

That’s until, a mere half an hour later, loud knocking had him off the couch in a second, opening the door to find you frowning, and with tears in your eyes. Opening his mouth to speak, shocked, thinking something had happened on the date, your finger hitting his chest stopped him.

“Why didn’t you come?” You sniffed. “I thought going out with someone else would finally prompt you to admit that what we have is more than a simple friendship! Do you hate me that much?”

He was speechless, grabbing you by the elbows as you barged in, tears streaming down your face.

“Answer me, Kim Seungmin!” Well, he was fucked.

𝜗୧ jeongin 𝜗୧ - isn’t sure what he feels for you yet.

Or better yet, his commitment issues prevented him from admitting to any feelings he might have.

See, you weren’t just friends. You were a little more than that, spending most of your free time together going to cute cafes and what would be considered dates, acting all lovey dovey.

That is, when you weren’t spending the weekend bound to his bed. That wasn’t fair, sometimes he was the one tied up. A very mutual arrangement.

Jeongin managed to drag you into a situationship you were now too deep into to break off, having developed actual feelings.

But each time you tried to speak to him about said feelings, he’d close off quicker than a frightened snail, impossible to reach.

After each one of these occasions, he wouldn’t contact you for days on end, sometimes even weeks, leaving you wondering if he’d ever come back.

He always did, he couldn’t stay away from you no matter how much he tried.

Even if he messed with other people in that time, he’d still make his way back to you, smiling like nothing even happened and ready to give you all of his attention and affection again.

It was exhausting, and very, very painful.

But you still welcomed him back with open arms, too happy to see him to even care that each time he appeared in your life again, you were not the same.

Every time he disappeared and you didn’t say anything, a piece of your heart was ripped off harshly, stomped on and then thrown in the trash, devoid of any color or life. Like an old toy, forgotten in favor of a new, shiny one.

But Jeongin didn’t care. It’s not like he could be bothered to pick up your scattered pieces – they didn’t interest him, you did.

Not like he ever noticed the light in your eyes dimming each time he stormed back into your life after pretending you didn’t exist for weeks.

To be honest, you don’t think you’ll ever be together.

Not now, or in the future.

No matter how much you hated to admit it, the facts were neatly laid out before you – Jeonging didn’t care about you at all, no matter how sweet, loving or good you were to him.

He thought you couldn’t notice, that your love for him was too blinding for you to see anything else other than him.

But you did. And he also did when one day, for the first time since he met you, as he stumbled out of a bar, giddy and tipsy with his phone to his ear ready to hear your sweet voice, his call didn’t go through.

[beastszai]

✦ Dazai and Chuuya childhood headcanons (2/2) ✦

part 1

!!! THIS POST CONTAINS STORMBRINGER SPOILERS !!!

♫ Orchard - OMORI

✧ warnings : STORMBRINGER SPOILERS・mentions of s*icide, death, hospitalization, alcoholism, etc.・angst・pure angst…・ooc (???)

✧ a/n : got way too long im sorr… but I love chuuya so much and all these headcanons have been eating dust in the back of my head and im so happy (lie) to finally post them

w/c : 950

!!! these are just personal headcanons and are not accurate to the canon story !!!

✦ Chuuya :

Chuuya’s parents weren’t blessed with a child even after years of marriage…

…So when he was born, they were so happy that they celebrated 3 days and nights (like the real Chuuya Nakahara !!)

Such a sweet boy… very polite and a tiny bit shy

He actually had an amazing bond with both his parents

And they loved him a lot, too!

How mini Chuuya would help his mom around the house, how he would randomly tell her that he loves her :,^)

Chuuya was probably interested in his father’s work (military doctor, like the real Chuuya’s father!!)

AUGHH he would peek at his dad working with those big blue curious eyes

Also, unlike Dazai, I headcanon that Chuuya has siblings!

2 little sisters!!

When his first little sister was born, he was probably around 3 or 4

Was quick to grow attached to his sister

And when his second sister came around, he was around 7

Was very overprotective of his sisters, and had a big soft spot for them

Would piggyback carry their younger sister every morning to school while holding his other sisters hand

Brilliant kid

Adored by absolutely everyone and everything

Chuuya and the family dinners with the rest of the Nakahara family SIGHHH

His mom always worried about him not eating enough (even though he did.)

His dad developed this hobby and habit of checking Chuuya and his sisters’ heights and mark them on the wall

Chuuya wasn’t the happiest when he figured that his younger sister was nearly the same height as him…

And regarding Stormbringer and how he was put in a lab…

Ohhh how his mom was losing her mind over Chuuya’s father allowing such a thing

His family kind of… grew distant and fell apart from then on

Constant arguing between his parents while he was in the lab… how his sister would cover their younger sister’s ears each time they’d argue

She’d ask where Chuuya had gone every now and then, but it was like a forbidden topic in the house

His mom would either tear up or just lash out on his sister

And his dad would yell and cuss her out, saying things like “Goddammit stop asking stupid questions! He’s fine for god’s sake!!! Be patient and he’ll be back sooner than you think!!!”

Chuuya’s dad wasn’t very happy with the decision he made either

Regretting it like crazy and losing sleep, losing focus…

And once the news broke that their one and only son was dead (aka his clone… fuck stormbringer bro…)

His family was worse than ever before.

Chuuya’s dad cried… a lot. Fell into being an alcoholic for a long time

His sisters? Despite their young age and how they couldn’t wrap their heads around the idea of death…

They were devastated. Completely had their hearts and souls shattered

But his mom… she was the worst out of them all

It broke her so much that she couldn’t even cry over her son’s death

She was left in a daze, unaware of her surroundings and just… in her own world

Though, once it registered in her mind? How she would scream and cry at odd hours of the night, begging for Chuuya…

She would push away anyone who would try to comfort her, hit them and curse them out, only wanting Chuuya

Even though Chuuya’s ‘death’ had sunk in and she understood it, she’d scream at everyone to get away from her and that ‘only Chuuya can come close to her’

S*icide attempts became a regular thing

…the amount of times Chuuya’s dad was called during work hours and just rushed home to stop his wife from taking her life…

His sister lost sleep and stopped being the top student at school because of how difficult everything had become

Their younger sister was a bit better, considering she was small

But it still hurt, she’d call Chuuya out of habit, just to remember that he was never gonna answer her calling out to him

His mom’s situation got so bad that she was hospitalized for years

And even now that the entire Nakahara family has accepted Chuuya’s ‘death’

His mom hasn’t. She’s doing a lot better than before getting hospitalized but…

She always seems to be spaced out. She doesn’t smile or laugh, and even when she does… it seems forced and it’s only for a brief moment

His mom doesn’t talk much, not to anyone

She often spends her time talking to framed pictures of Chuuya. She still cries every now and then, but tries to hide it…

And honestly? I think that Chuuya has considered going back to his family

He’s coincidentally seen his sisters and made sure they got home safely from school/work while watching from afar… then return to his own work

It scares him to go back, not only because of him putting their lives on the line for being a mafia executive

But also because he’s supposed to be ‘dead’. That’s what his family believed and has learned to live with…

So if he were to show up at his childhood home, he’d make them confused

And he can’t even imagine how they would react if he were to go back

So Chuuya just watches over them from a distance…

But maybe, just maybe one day he’ll gather up the courage and listen to the voice in his head telling him to go back

That day won’t be anytime soon, not now. He can’t go back until he’s sure the time is right for him to do so.

Until then, Chuuya just prays that they’ll stay safe and alive…

That’s when he can return to his family, his home…

[aryaqua-reh2o]

The Full Moon ending is perfect!

A day in Stolas and Blitzø’s lives that summarises what’s happened so far. 

Blitzø and Stolas are perfectly disastrous in their way and of course, they were going to collide at some point. After brewing for one and a half seasons, the miscommunication between these adorable idiots peaked. Who’s fault is that? Both! And in equal part! I can’t stand reading how many people blamed Blitzø alone. The truth is, they both acted incredibly wrong and also incredibly well for who they are. 

Let’s start with Stolas: he ran out of his happy pills on the most important day of his life (probably). Now, I can’t talk from experience because I never used antidepressants (at least I assume they are antidepressants), but I doubt that skipping one dose turns you into an emotional wreck. But the thing is, Stolas is autistic and I can relate to this and the way he behaved. The pills were something he could rely on to stay afloat probably during his whole sad life, so running out of it first thing in the morning in the middle of an emotional Dinsey princess moment was truly bad timing. Stolas found himself stripped of this little safety blanket. During his song, he gets happy, dramatic, desperate and hopeful. He most likely spent the day in a mood swing, and let’s remember that he wakes up at 7 AM and meets Blitzø at 11:56 PM, plenty of time to panic [Side note, the breakup happens 4 minutes later so at midnight on the dot, I love these little details]. Stolas knows how he feels about Blitzø, he has known for some time, and he’s ready to tell him. If I know a little bit about how a brain on the spectrum works, he most likely had been rehearsing any possible scenarios in his head for hours (or days, or months) and that’s why when Blitzø arrives, Stolas doesn’t say anything to interrupt the other displaying of sex toys, until he decides it’s time to stop Blitzø (that it’s clearly freaking out already at that point) and opens the conversation in the worst possible way ever: “I need it [the Grimoire] back. Permanently”. It seems unnecessarily cruel to just take the book from Blitzø, letting him tear up and beg. But then Stolas pulls out the box with the crystal and we have the Stolitz music playing and… but why make Blitzø cry and not just give him the crystal straight away? Because Stolas was too stuck in his mind already. He played out this scene so many times in his head, that he couldn’t act any different without losing his cool. Don’t get this wrong: from here on I absolutely LOVE how Stolas handled the situation, how he spoke, what he did and said, from kneeling in front of Blitzø, gently holding his hand to calm him down when he was about to panic, and then he gave him the crystal while confessing his feelings for him. Stolas at this point had been in touch and honest with his feelings for months (at least since Ozzie’s from what we can see on screen), but the main problem is that Stolas has no idea of what is going on with Blitzø, so when obviously Blitzø feels cornered and doesn’t want to face his feelings so abruptly and hides behind sex and roleplaying, Stolas loses his control over the situation and closes up for good. Anything that happens between “Do you…Do you have my book Blitzø?” and “That’s enough to know what this is” is a monologue. When Blitzø doesn’t follow the idea Stolas has in his mind, Stolas just walks away. 

And this is VALID because Stolas has never been in a real relationship, he has no friends or family aside from Via, and he doesn’t know how to deal with people with complex emotions like Blitzø. It is quite common for people on the spectrum to assume that everyone else is alike, thinks alike, and responds similarly to certain patterns, so when Stolas doesn’t get the response he was expecting, he immediately reads it as rejection. He turns away from Blitzø and leaves without giving the other any chance other than yelling in anger and despair. 

On Blitzø's side things are more linear. He was and still is in constant… ignorance. Meaning he actively ignores his and Stolas’ feelings. I don’t think he is in denial, because he knows fully well he has feelings for Stolas at least since S1E6 Truth Seekers, he knows he fears intimacy and also craves it. And he most likely knows, at least in part, that Stolas has feelings for him as shown during the exchange with Fizz in Oops (that part was denial, yes). Blitzø knows this night is important and different. They haven’t seen each other for months. He was the one who decided to skip a few rounds when Stolas gave him the opportunity, and if we go with the text exchange in Western Energy, it’s safe to assume they haven’t seen each other since Seeing Stars and probably haven’t slept together since before Ozzie’s. Blitzø’s strategy to deal with his fears and feelings is to let things linger doing nothing in the hope they settle back to where they were when the deal was still new and comfortable. Because Blitzø doesn’t want to admit he has feelings for Stolas, but most of all he doesn’t want to accept that Stolas has feelings for him, because who can love him? Certainly not a prince of all people. Blitzø goes shopping to impress Stolas because he wants to keep staying in that deal, no commitment, no need to reveal his feelings, he could keep going forever, transactional sex is convenient and non-commmittal. (Inadvertently showing, while doing sex shopping, how much he cares for Stolas and how deeply he knows him and what he likes, he wants to make Stolas happy). He wants to go back to sex and show Stolas a “good time” so he doesn’t have to think about how he felt when he realised Stolas could get hurt. He doesn’t want to think about anything, but then, when Stolas takes control of the narrative, Blitzø can only be there and follow it until it gets too overwhelming. He tries so desperately to stick to the habits, to the point he has this massive slip when he tries to give back the crystal to Stolas and says he can always do better. He doesn’t want a way out. He doesn’t want to choose. He loves being in chains because it’s easy. He wants things to stay the way they are, for Stolas to use him as a sex toy, and to be used by him because admitting that he has feelings and that he sees that Stolas has feelings for him is too much. But Stolas clearly states how he feels and what he wants. Blitzø understands perfectly, but he can’t accept it, so he tries in a desperate attempt to get back to where they were, to pretend one more time. Blitzø runs away from the feelings Stolas is showing him in a way that triggers Stolas in the worst possible way. Stolas runs away from Blitzø when he can’t deal with his heartbreak anymore, triggering Blitzø’s fear that translates into an angry outburst. Stolas doesn’t stop for a second and doesn’t listen to Blitzø who is yelling at him to, basically, stop and listen to him. Blitzø says hurtful things to Stolas because he is desperate and he feels rejected and abandoned by him. After avoiding any type of confrontation for months, Blitzø finally gives in, but he’s hurt, angry and terrified so he does the only thing he’s comfortable with: he yells. He doesn’t know of Stolas’ past of being abused by his wife. Stolas just wants out, out of the feeling of being rejected (even if he obviously jumped to the wrong conclusions too fast) and away from yet another person screaming at him. Blitzø only manages to stop Stolas by yelling at him hurtful things he doesn’t fully believe. Unfortunately, Stolas listens to that. And for the first time in his life, he cries in front of someone. Blitzø finally realises how much his words hurt Stolas, but it’s too late to apologise and he finds himself teleported outside mid-apology.

Honestly, I don’t think they could have screwed up any worse than that even if they tried. But this needed to happen and I’m glad it did. Blitzø needed to see Stolas heartbroken to understand Stolas was in love with him. Stolas did the best he could for who he is, he made the first move, and now the ball is in Blitzø’s court. 

I owe Blitz an apology. When speculating on The Full Moon I assumed it was going to end badly and I blamed Blitzø for it. Now that the episode is out I can see that mostly it’s Stolas’ fault. Yes, I said it, it’s predominantly Stolas’ fault if The Full Moon ended in tragedy, but this is important: Blitzø knows Stolas treated him wrong (not only in the last episode, many many times before that) but now he also knows that Stolas can get hurt physically and emotionally, and yes, he proved himself to be a pompous rich asshole that happens to also be deeply in love with him. Is then Stolas worth fighting for? I think we all know the answer. What I hope to see in Apology Tour is the both of them apologizing to each other AND to themselves. Neither Stolas nor Blitzø know what love is. They are trying and failing but in the end, they are both desperate for one another and if Stolas can get his head out of his ass and Blitzø finally drops the act for a minute, they could just… talk and start to figure things out. And maybe in Apology Tour we will know more about what happened with Verosika and why that relationship went South so badly, I bet it’s going to play a huge part in Blitzø’s future development.

[malarign]

told you so

(when you go on a date with your enemy, and he advises you against it)

synopsis: Being a target of taunting from your enemy was your daily struggle, and when you seemed to get used to it, all of your worries disappeared when you met your new friend. but what if old feelings still didn’t pass?

contains: bff!Heeseung x fem!reader | genre: angst with a fluffy ending (requested), high school au, college au, friends to lovers | tw! mentions of food, bullying, swearing, arguing, crying, kissing and touching without consent, mentions and attempt of assault, please read at your own discretion! y/n being oblivious and delusional, basically he fell first and harder 🤩 | wc: 7,4k

author’s note: while writing this i didn’t have any specific Jisung in mind, this name just popped into my head 😬 also this was originally written to be a mini series but it didn't get much attention so i’m reposting it as a one shot :)) enjoy!

reblogs, likes and comments are highly appreciated!!!

original taglist: @nicholasluvbot, @simpforsunwoo, @sweetjaemss

Morning, Wednesday, 9th January 2019

You watched as Jisung and his friends emptied your school bag and all your books, notebooks, documents and other personal stuff fall on the wooden floor. All of them laughed while exchanging mean looks. Jisung came up to you, lowered his head to the level of your eyes, and smiled viciously.

“You better hurry, Y/n. I don’t think you want to be late for math class, right?” he asked sarcastically and ruffled your hair.

Trying to keep calm you watched as he wandered off to the class with the rest of the boys he hangs out with. You looked at all the things he threw on the floor and sighed. He never seemed to let you breathe peacefully and lavished you with his nasty comments. Both of you used to be great friends back in middle school, but then he got into a pretty bad environment and became your worst nightmare. Every class you had with him was hours of suffering. You often thought about old times, wondering if there was a way to prevent this.

Crouching down to pick your stuff up you heard how the sound of steps behind you echoed in an empty hallway. You turned your head around to see who was coming. You tried really hard to recognize his face, but you didn’t think you had ever seen him.

“Hi,” he said. His lips slightly parted as he watched your belongings on the floor. “Let me help you.”

He crouched next to you and helped you gather your books and notebooks as you collected smaller items. He neatly put them into your bag and helped you stand up from a not-really-comfortable position.

“Thank you, I really appreciate your help.” You smiled and once more scanned his face to be sure you’d ever seen him.

“I’m Heeseung by the way. I’m new here,” he spoke as he offered his hand to greet you.

“Oh, I was wondering why I couldn’t recognize you.” You smiled sheepishly. “My name’s Y/n.”

Noon, Friday, 17th May 2019

You and Heeseung clicked almost immediately. Both of you had similar hobbies and musical tastes. Since your favorite subjects were his problem and vice versa you helped each other with homework and exam preparations, usually in the calm setting of your local library. He didn’t have problems settling into a new environment. Quite quickly he made a group of friends, bugging you to tag along every time they went out somewhere. His talent for basketball also didn’t slip by the team's coach, who didn’t waste time to make him join training.

Heeseung never failed to bring a smile to your face with his quick-witted jokes and interesting stories about his life before he moved to your city. Being with him healed you in every possible way, making thoughts of Jisung almost completely forgotten. After seeing you spend your breaks with Heeseung made him stop approaching you for some reason. Sometimes when you were alone, because he had to get something done or had different classes made you anxious. You knew that whenever he was next to you, Jisung wouldn’t do anything bad.

The bell rang announcing a long-awaited lunch break. You packed your stuff and looked at Heeseung. You opened your mouth to ask the usual question about your table, but he spoke faster.

“Coach said he needs me for a second, I’m pretty sure it won’t take long. I’ll join you as soon as I’m done, okay?” He didn’t let you say anything and just dashed away after gently patting your shoulder.

You stood there watching as he disappeared behind a corner and let out a shaky sigh. That was the first time you were going to eat lunch alone ever since you met him in March. You even considered waiting for him, just to not have to sit there alone. Then a sudden wave of confidence rushed through your body, thinking “What can go wrong? He said it’s not gonna take long.”

You made your way to the school cafeteria, looking at every student that passed by, praying none of them would belong to Jisung.

After you took your tray with a full meal you sat down at your usual table and watched the entry, nervously waiting for a familiar, friendly silhouette. What you saw was far away from that. You saw Jisung and his friend enter the cafeteria. He noticed you right away. His face showed anger, eyes sharp and fierce. His look made you quiver slightly, unable to look anywhere else. He took his tray and sat at the table behind you. You could hear every bite he took on his apple, loud cracks piercing your ears. You started to count second, wishing Heeseung would come back quickly.

Time passed and you still were sitting alone at the table. Some students finished eating while your tray was still full of food. As much as you tried eating you couldn’t muster up the energy to raise a fork to your mouth.

“Where the hell is he? What is taking him so long? He said he’ll join me.” Your thoughts were disrupted by a fine figure of a man hovering over your form. He leaned into you, his breath brushing your ear.

“Long time no see, Y/n.” His malicious tone sent shivers down your spine, and you could feel tears ready to spill out of fear. “You thought I was done with you just because you started hanging out with that asshole?” He said as he brushed away the strand of your hair. He leaned even closer to you and whispered straight to your ear: “You know I will never back off.”

“Well, maybe you should.”

You noticed Heeseung standing in front of your table.

Jisung came up to Heeseung and asked: “Or what, asshole? What you’re gonna do?” He suddenly collared him and shook his form. His actions were stopped when a loud voice echoed in the cafeteria.

“Choi Jisung!” Heeseung’s coach screamed, his voice in a humbling manner. Jisung let go of Heeseung still maintaining eye contact with him.

“I guess I don’t have to do anything in particular.” Heeseung smiled at him snidely and watched as he made his way out of the cafeteria. He then shifted his look at you who was still slightly trembling at an unexpected and not really pleasant encounter with one of your classmates.

His eyes softened looking at your form, his heart breaking from the regret of not coming to you sooner. He hesitated whether what he should do and finally rubbed your back with his palm in a comforting move. He felt as if you loosened up under his touch. Seeing you calm down he sat down next to you and tried to shift your attention from a bad experience with Jisung.

“You should eat, Y/n. I’m sure it’ll help.” He took a glance at your tray. “I know how you love that pudding,” he spoke and placed the box right in front of you making you smile.

Afternoon, Friday, 17th May 2019

“Y/n can we talk about today?” Heeseung asked. You were laying in his bed, surrounded by notes from your biology class.

You looked at him. His eyes were serious but soft at the same time. You felt bad that you didn’t tell him about your bumpy relationship with Jisung, mostly because you thought the problem solved itself when you met him. But today’s events successfully proved you wrong.

“About what?” You played for time.

“About Jisung and what happened in the cafeteria.” He got straight to the point. He moved his chair to be right in front of you. “Why didn’t you tell me he bullies you?”

“Because he doesn’t,” you simply stated shifting your gaze back to your notes. Somehow word ‘bully’ made your ego ache. You weren’t bullied, at least that’s what you said to yourself.

“Well his action said something else,” he firmly said making you snap.

“What do you know, Heeseung? You don’t know him at all, yet you’re accusing him of bullying.”

Your response took him aback. “Y/n you were literally trembling at his touch and the sound of his voice. Fuck it, you were almost crying!”

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Y/n don’t act like I’m blind. Besides, I know you well.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” you said and rapidly got up, gathering your notes into your bag and storming out of his room. Heeseung watched your irrational actions in utter shock. Why were you so offended? Even you didn’t know why you overreacted like that. Maybe it was because of your past friendship with Jisung? Maybe you still believed he would change for the better, and you would happily be friends like you used to be? Or maybe you would be more than friends like you always dreamt?

You walked downstairs and hurriedly started to put on your shoes. Just when you were about to go out you heard your friend’s mom.

“Y/n? You’re leaving so early?” She asked. “I’m preparing your favorite, kimchi fried rice.” She smiled warmly.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Lee, but I need to go early today.” You felt bad lying to her, she always treated you like a daughter making sure you were never hungry whenever you hung with Heeseung. “Have a great evening!” You quickly said closing the front door behind you.

Even though it was the middle of May, the weather was rather chilly. You still had your school uniform on, your short skirt not warming you up enough.

“Y/n!” You heard Heeseung’s voice behind you. Hesitating if you should stop or run straight to your house you finally stopped your tracks. Even if you ran he would easily catch up.

You turned around and soon, Heeseung stopped in front of you, breathing heavily from his jog. You let him catch a breath and didn’t say anything.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you mad.”

You thought for a while, you really wanted to stay mad at him for a while, but as hard as you tried, you just couldn’t. You lowered your gaze and replied: “It’s okay. I know you meant well. But you don’t need to worry about me.” You assured.

Your answer didn’t seem to satisfy him, but he remained silent. He opened his arms, offering a conciliatory hug, which you gladly accepted.

“I should go home now,” you announced, still in his embrace.

“Can I walk you home?” he asked, knowing your answer.

“I think I would rather go by myself today. Thanks though.” You slowly pulled out from his arms and waved your hand in goodbye.

Heeseung watched you walk for a while. He couldn’t stop thinking about everything you said. Your words clenched his heart, almost making him tear up. He knew one thing: he definitely will worry about you, and won’t let this happen ever again.

Evening, Saturday, 1st June 2019

“Y/n! Heeseung is already here!” Your mom shouted from downstairs as you did the final touches to your hairstyle.

“I’m coming!” you shouted and hurriedly took your purse. Skipping your way to the hallway you saw Heeseung with a small bouquet in his hands as he talked with your mom with a warm smile. She noticed your presence first.

“Y/n come here quickly.” She gestured for you to stand next to Heeseung. “Let’s take a photo. Make a pose.”

Both of you tried different poses for the photo, from the normal ones to your usual, funny ones. After a short photo shoot, you made your way to Heeseung’s car and drove to have fun at prom.

You arrived at school quite late, as other students were already dancing in the hall. You were about to get out of his car when he stopped you with a soft hand motion. You were slightly confused but all the concern disappeared when you saw his jog around the car to your side. He opened the door gallantly and offered his hand.

“Wow, so chivalry is really not dead, huh?” you remarked and smiled at him while getting out.

“Y/n, I’m afraid you forgot who I am.” He placed his hand on his heart with an injured look on his face.

“Lee Heeseung, I envy your future girlfriend, whoever she is,” you said and made your way toward the other students.

Heeseung watched as you go with dreamy eyes and a moony smile. He couldn’t stop thinking about how gorgeous you looked tonight ever since he laid his eyes on you at your house. And not only today, the day he met you he never thought you’ll get so close and make him fall not only for your looks but charming personality, versatile knowledge, and full of empathy heart. “Hopefully you won’t have to envy her,” he thought to himself planning on confessing his feelings for you today.

When you entered the hall, your ears were pierced by loud music and the stumping of hundreds of feet. Parties like those weren’t your cup of tea, but it being prom convinced you to try having fun along with your classmates. Besides, being aware that you’re not going to be there by yourself helped you harness your train of thought. It wasn’t the first party you attended with Heeseung, but it was definitely the biggest of them all, and most importantly it wasn’t just a house party.

“Shall we?” You heard your friend’s voice and smiled. You danced all night next to each other, jumping and showing off your moves with occasional breaks to drink something or just take a breath.

Both of you sat down on a bench and watched as your classmates were also getting pretty tired. You looked at the clock which showed 10 pm. Four hours of dancing with Heeseung passed in a blink of an eye. You were about to ask him when they plan on leaving when the DJ announced a slow song. Just when you were about to stand up and freshen up in the bathroom none other than Heeseung showed in front of you, his figure towering over yours.

“May I have this dance?” He smiled but his tone wasn’t playful, but serious. Almost too serious.

You simply nodded your head in response and let him guide you to the middle of the dance floor. He took one of your hands into his and placed the other one on your waist, pulling you a little bit closer to him, to the point you felt how his breath fell on your nose. You never were in that close proximity to him, apart from that one hug after your quarrel, but none of you felt awkward at all. The feeling of his hands on your body made you feel safe and at ease, contrary to what you experienced throughout the past few years of high school.

Heeseung looked at you with full adoration in his eyes as you struggled to dance with him, occasionally stepping on his foot.

“Sorry, I had never danced like this,” you confessed sheepishly.

“Don’t worry. Just follow my lead, Y/n,” he murmured in a low voice, sending shivers down your spine. You did as he said, focusing on making the correct steps. Heeseung pulled you even closer, making you both sway in an intimate hug. Hug too intimate for friends. You noticed how his face slowly came closer to yours, and when your foreheads almost touched suddenly both of you landed on a cold, wooden floor. You took a look around and noticed how the other pair fell on the ground, the boy frantically apologizing to you and Heeseung for pushing you. You saw how his jaw clenched and eyes sharpened.

“Well, you should be more careful,” he snapped.

“Heeseung, it’s okay.” Your voice made his face soften and shift his now calm gaze to you. He helped you get up and fix hair that loosened because of the impact. While he was busy fixing your hairclips you noticed a pair of eyes watching you like a hawk. His gaze wasn’t sharp and aggressive like in the cafeteria two weeks ago. It was rather interested and invested. He watched you calmly but your heart started its usual race at the sight of his eyes on your form.

“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked worriedly, noticing your distant gaze.

“Yes,” you answered shortly and quickly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Do you want to dance some more or sit down? It must’ve hurt,” he spoke, referring to your fall.

“Actually, can you drive me home?” you asked hurriedly. You didn’t want the situation in the cafeteria to happen again. And knowing Heeseung you knew it was very probable.

His expression dropped at your words, pursing his lips he nodded and lead your way to his car.

Contrary to the ride to the prom, this way was way quieter. None of you dared to speak. One because of regret and the other because of anxiousness. You looked at the trees that you passed by and how almost all windows were dark. You recognized your neighborhood and prepared to get out of his car when his voice stopped you.

“Y/n?”

You looked at him, your face painting a question, asking him to continue.

He debated for a while. “It’s this moment. Now or never,” he thought to himself.

“I had so much fun with you today, Y/n,” he simply stated, hesitation winning over his will to finally confess.

“Thank you, I also had so much fun.” You smiled and bid your goodbyes, leaving him in his car alone with his thoughts.

“Will you ever realize?”

Afternoon, Tuesday, 18th October 2022

The faint sound of keyboards’ clicking and soft whispers between students, accompanied by rustling scribbling on paper always helped you study. The whole atmosphere helped you compose yourself after long days of school and now college. Getting onto the major of your dreams wasn’t easy, but thanks to your investment in finals preparations and the help of your friends, you succeeded. Not only you studied what you’d always wanted, but you also weren’t as lonely as you were in high school. Because of similar interests, you quickly got in with them, spending breaks in each other’s company and having occasional sleepovers and other friendly hangouts. Thanks to them, accustoming to college life wasn’t as harsh and hard as you expected it to be.

Many things changed since you graduated from high school, apart from one thing - your usual friendly study dates with Heeseung were still a tradition none of you dared nor wanted to break. One would think that studying different subjects would break your friendship, but it only tightened the bond you had.

Heeseung reached for his backpack and took out a small box filled with white and red grapes. He placed it between you two so that you also could grab some. Seeing that you also took out your lunch box with walnuts and cashew nuts. You poured them into his box, knowing how he liked mixed flavors of grapes and nuts. He noticed that and immediately smiled in your direction, whispering a faint but still audible “Thank you”. You returned the smile and focused on your notes once again.

On the other hand, as much as he tried to, Heeseung couldn’t. His mind was flooded and confused about his own feelings for you, which only grew stronger as time passed. Ever since he tried confessing and getting closer to you during prom he didn’t dare to try again. The panic he saw in your eyes spoke for themselves. Fear of losing you overwhelmed his heart, he knew he wouldn’t be able to endure that. That’s why he tried ignoring all the love he had for you, usually failing miserably.

“What are your plans for the weekend?” you asked quietly, trying not to disturb other people around you.

Heeseung got back to his senses and thought for a second. “I have a basketball match at 6 on Saturday,” he replied, raising his one eyebrow. “You forgot?” he asked but it sounded more like a statement, not a question.

You pursed your lips together and smiled sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“No worries. Are you still planning to come?” He closed his book and turned around to face you directly.

“Of course!” you exclaimed in a whisper. “I never missed any of your matches and I’m not planning to change that. I like seeing you win,” you added, not knowing you caused his heart to flutter and a swarm of butterflies to fill his stomach.

“What if I don’t win?” he asked, unable to control a bright smile.

“I think we both don’t believe it will ever happen,” you remarked and a few people shushed you, annoyed by your too loud for a library conversation. Heeseung and you mumbled quiet apologies and returned to your books, trying to keep yourselves from laughing.

You called the study session off a little bit an hour later.

“You sure you don’t need a walk home?” he asked for a millionth time today.

“Hee, I’m sure. Besides don’t you have a training today? You better not be late again,” you scolded him and he raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

“Okay, but text me as soon as you get home.” He pointed at you and squinted a bit.

“I will, bye!” you assured him and waved at him.

Deciding to take advantage of the last warm days, you took a longer route home. You passed by many places you used to go to while you were still a high school student. Cafes you used to study in with Heeseung whenever there were too many people in the library, a park where both of you ate lunches during hot summer days, a basketball court where he taught you how to play and gave you tips on how to make a score. It made you realize that apart from memories with Heeseung you can’t reminisce about other ones, as if you knew him your whole life. You stopped by the cafe you studied in together for the first time, and remembered how awkward you were with each other back then. You smiled at the memory of the very much begging of your friendship. Now that same cafe was filled with couples, taking photos together or of each other and sharing sweet desserts. The sight of love made you question if your future partner is going to like Heeseung. But the thought of anybody not liking him seemed impossible for you.

You continued walking when you saw a familiar figure approaching you. A figure you didn’t expect to meet.

“Hi Y/n! It’s me, Jisung!”

Evening, Tuesday, 18th October 2022

“It’s been a while, I almost didn’t recognize you,” Jisung said in a friendly tone. You also almost didn’t recognize him. He wore the complete opposite attire to his usual pair of jeans and collection of plain T-shirts, now wearing a suit with elegant shoes.

“Yeah, me too,” you spoke and a sheepish smile with a hint of disbelief crept on your face.

“How have you been? I haven’t seen you in like ages!” Jisung kept on smiling and tilting his head to the right, an old habit of his.

“Jisung what do you want?” you asked quickly, scared of his reaction.

Seeing your expression he sighed and spoke: “Y/n, listen. I’m really sorry. For everything I’ve done. I treated you badly, and I regret it with my whole heart.” He placed his hand on the left side of his chest. “What I did was wrong and I want to sincerely apologize to you. I’m so sorry.” His words seemed to be genuine and truthful to you.

“It was a long time ago, it’s okay, Jisung.” You shrugged and smiled softly.

“It’s not really okay, unless you let me redeem myself. let me take you out,” he said nonchalantly.

“Oh?”

“Do you have plans on Saturday? There’s a new restaurant that opened a while ago, what do you think?”

Thinking for a while you slowly nodded. Your movement made a strand of your hair fall from behind your ear and he was quick to fix it, making you blush.

“Great. It’s a date then. I’ll come and pick you up at 7,” he announced and said his goodbye, leaving you dumbfounded.

You felt like your chest gets tighter and your stomach fills with butterflies. You turned around to look at him once more but he was already gone. Just when you thought you finally forgot about him and your feelings for him, that somehow buried themselves in the depth of your heart, all you could think about was him once again. The way he looked at you, the way he smiled at you, the way the slightest touch of his fingers brushing fragile skin on your cheek, it all made you feel like on shaky ground.

Then it hit you. You’re going on a date. Your first ever date. You almost let a squeal leave your lips, but stopped it on time by covering them with the palm of your hand. Excitement rushed through your body and you hurriedly headed home.

When you arrived home and were done letting out all excitement and thrill of your body by jumping all over your place, you took the phone out of your bag. You noticed a few missed calls, all from Heeseung. You remembered how you promised to text him when you arrive home, and now he must’ve finished his practice.

You dialed his number and didn’t have to wait for too long for him to answer.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?” he asked worriedly.

“Yes, oh my god, Hee! Everything is great!” you couldn’t contain your happiness and wanted to share the news with him.

“Woah, woah, what’s that excitement about?” he asked and laughed at your crazy behavior.

“Hee, I’m going on a date!”

For a while your painful silence submerged the call, the only sound was soft breathing on the other side of the line.

“Heeseung? Are you okay?” you asked.

“Yes, yes, uhm, I’m okay,” he choked out.

“Well, then aren’t you gonna congratulate me?”

“Y/n, I’m very happy for you, but do I know this guy? You‘ve never told me about him.” His voice was rather cold in contrary to his words.

“You know him! It’s Jisung, from our high school.”

“What?” Heeseung couldn’t believe his ears. “Choi Jisung? The one who bullied you?”

“You’re at it again? He didn’t bully me Heeseung! He used to be my friend. Besides, why would you know what type of relationship we had?” You were mad. He never had an opportunity to truly get to know him, yet he was talking badly about him. This made your blood boil, because you knew him, and he certainly wasn’t as bad as Heeseung painted him.

You thought you truly knew Jisung. And you did to some point in your lives, now living on the deluded picture of him made by your imagination.

“Y/n, he treated you horribly! You were scared of him, don’t tell me otherwise, 'cause your reaction said otherwise.” His voice was harsh, sounding like he was scolding you.

“He changed! He apologized to me. He knows what he did was wrong!” you exclaimed, now even more mad than before.

“Y/n people like him don’t change. And even if he did, he shouldn’t be forgiven and given any more chances. Especially by you.”

“Let me decide on that. Fuck you, Heeseung,” you said and ended the call. You threw it on your bed and went to the bathroom to take a long shower, in hopes it would help you calm down.

Your words rang in Heeseung’s head for a long time. He froze, the phone still near his ear as if he was hoping you would say you didn’t mean that. But as minutes passed he realized you certainly did mean your words, and that they were meant to hurt him. He sat on the ground and slumped against a wall. Feeling his eyes sting as they brimmed with hot tears, Heeseung quickly wiped them off before completely breaking down. He stood up after a while and reached into a drawer for his car keys, ready for a night drive.

Afternoon, Saturday, 22nd October 2022

You stood in front of your wardrobe wondering how you should dress for your date with Jisung. You tried hard to think of anything that would suit the vibe and atmosphere of a fancy restaurant you’re going to, but your mind was flooded with thoughts of Heeseung. It was the longest you went without contacting each other, but your ego didn’t let you reach out to him. He should be happy for you, for his friend. After you would be happy for him if he told you he was going to have a date. Right?

After what seemed like ages of wondering about your outfit you contacted one of your classmates, Jennifer.

“Jen, do you have a second you could spare me? you asked as soon as your friend picked up the phone.

“Y/nie, my love, for you I always have time. What’s wrong?” she spoke and brought a long-lost smile to your face.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you but I remember how stressed you were with your presentation, but…” you started, feeling guilty for not telling her sooner.

“Oh my god, what is it? You’re scaring me!” she raised her voice dramatically.

“Well, I’m going on a date and I don’t know what to wear. I still have lots of time left but I’m getting a little bit nervous,” you confessed.

“Oh my! Finally, I’m so happy for you, bestie!” You heard her clapping her hands excitedly. “How about me coming over and rummaging through your clothes?”

“That would be great, but Jen you don’t have to!”

On the other side of the line, you heard the jingling sound of her car keys.

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages, plus you need to tell me how that happened, so don’t try to stop me now!” she said, and soon after you hung up.

While you were waiting you sat on your bed, thinking of possible scenarios of today’s date. Will it look like it does in movies? Will it end up only on this one date or will there be more?

Suddenly, the silence of your room got disturbed by the sound of a notification. You took your phone and read a reminder: “♡ Heeseung’s match 6pm ♡”. This made you bite your lips, guilty of not keeping your promise. Sure, you were mad at him, but he is still your best friend. “I never missed any of your matches and I’m not planning to change that,” you remembered your words from a few days ago. You placed your elbows on your thighs and hid your face in your hands. Just when you were about to let out your emotions you heard knocking on your front door. You opened them and they revealed a smiling Jennifer.

“Let’s get to the work, shall we?”

Thanks to Jennifer, picking your outfit was filled with laughter and her anecdotes. This helped you deal with the anxiety caused by your upcoming date, but also, more importantly, stop yourself from thinking about Heeseung. Before you knew it, the outfit was ready, along with a bag, some accessories, and shoes. You still had some time before 7 PM, so you sat in your room and chatted for a while, enjoying each other’s presence after days of different schedules.

“Okay, but most importantly, how did he ask you out?” She waited for your answer with anticipation and excitement.

“I mean we met when I was having a walk in the neighborhood and he just asked me.” You shrugged but your cheeks filled with red tint.

“Oh my god!” Jennifer exclaimed, emphasizing the last word. “I thought he will never ask you out, at this rate. But finally, my prayers were listened to!” She raised her hands in the air, while you were, to say the least, confused and dumbfounded.

“What do you mean? Who are you talking about?” you asked.

Your friend’s smile faded and she lowered her hands. “About your friend, that Heeseung guy. Is he not the one that asked you out?”

“No, why would you think that?”

“So it’s not Heeseung you’re going out with?” You shook your head and noticed how disappointment filled her eyes.

“Oh come on, Jen. You’re not happy for me anymore?”

“I am!” she defended herself. “It’s just… Both of you already seemed like a couple or like you at least like each other. You always say he’s like an angel, that you can’t imagine your life without him, so I kinda just assumed you liked him. Plus the way he looks at you speaks for itself better than your constant love confessions.”

Love?

Evening, Saturday 22nd October 2023

The gymnasium hall was filled with loud cheers coming from both bleachers. Players were practicing shots and warming up before the first match of the season. Heeseung was one of them, yet the ace known for excellent aim failed to score almost anything. He kept on looking for you in your usual place where you cheered for him along with your friends. But that one spot was empty, soon to be occupied by some unknown to him student. He tried to push the thoughts of you away, but as much as he tried the more he failed. None of the players or the coach had ever seen this part of him.

The match barely started, yet your university’s team was failing like never. Mainly because something apparently preoccupied the mind of the captain of the team. This made a coach come to a decision of seating him on a bench, for the first time during his player days.

You waited patiently on the couch, ready to go out. The clock showed half past seven, which made you worried, if he will even come. What if he got into an accident? What if something bad happened to him. You anxiously were looking at your phone, waiting for some message from Jisung. You were about to call him when your phone screen lightens up, showing his caller ID. You answered almost immediately.

“Hello?”

“Y/n! I’m so sorry for being late, but I’m already near your place so you can already come out,” he said and you could hear the sound of the engine’s drone.

“No worries, take your time,” you reassured him but noticed that the call already ended.

You locked the door behind you and made your way to the elevator.

You spotted his car from afar and waved at him. Your heart almost sprung out of your chest and felt how your throat tightens at every breath you took. You got in and greeted him shyly.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he said, and before you could realize he left a quick and harsh kiss on your lips, leaving you shocked. Jisung on the other side smiled to himself and started the car.

“I thought we could go somewhere where we could be alone before eating, what do you say?” he asked placing his hand on your inner thigh, making you, to say at least, extremely uncomfortable.

You tried taking his hand off your body, but he only gripped your wrist tightly making you hiss. “Oh, Y/n. Don’t act so innocent.” He stopped at the side of the road. Looking around you couldn’t spot a single living soul around you nor any car passing by. “But I can assure you I’ll fuck you better than him,” he said bluntly and started unbuckling his belt.

Not really knowing what to do you slapped him across his face and hurriedly got out o his car. You ran as fast as you can, with stamina better than usual, due to a high level of adrenaline in your body. You thought of the place you should go to. He knew where you lived so your place wouldn’t work. Jennifer’s apartment on the other hand was far away from where you were. The only place that was near enough was Heeseung’s apartment. Looking at the time you thought he must already be home. You turned around once more to see if he was following you. Not thinking twice you continued running, still shocked not knowing what exactly happened.

The first thing Heeseung did after arriving home from his first-ever lost match was take a cold shower. He let the icy water cascade down his body while still thinking about you. What if he did something bad to you during your date? He knew Jisung was up to no good, yet he let you go out with him. He stepped out of the cabin and hurriedly dressed himself into comfortable clothes.

Where should he search for you? he should’ve at least asked you where you were going and now he had an entire city to rummage. Not bothering to dry his hair he grabbed his keys and opened the door only to see you, completely breathless, on the edge of crying at his sight.

Night, Saturday, 22nd October 2023

You stared at your reflection in a mirror, under the bright light of Heeseung’s bathroom. None of you dared to speak, both allowing you to catch your breath, collect thoughts and speak whenever you’re ready. He just let you in and gave you his T-shirt and pair of shorts you always wore whenever you paid him an unexpected visit and wanted to get changed into something more comfortable.

Heeseung decided to prepare a quick meal for you and took your favorite snacks he stored in his kitchen, just in case. Your state worried him to the point he didn’t know what to do. He knew one thing though. Jisung wanted to hurt you, and either he succeeded or his attempt stayed as an attempt. He waited patiently for you, giving you all the time you needed, and thought of all the possible scenarios and how he could comfort you.

You finally decided to leave the bathroom and took a seat next to him on the couch. For a while, the silence filled the room with hesitation and uncertainty.

“Do you wanna talk or eat first?” he asked, trying to sound as gentle as he could.

“Eat,” you simply whispered, voice cracking on the way.

Heeseung looked up at you. You hugged your knees, eyes mentally checked out. He raised his hand to rub your shoulder but stopped himself midway, instead he just nodded and stood up to hand you your bowl. You quietly thanked him and took a bite of still hot noodles he had prepared. Silence once again submerged the room, the only audible sound was an occasional noodle slurp.

Once you finished and placed a bowl on the table sudden realisation hit you. You were assaulted. Jisung wanted to hurt you and he certainly didn’t change. And that Heeseung was right. Your eyes brimmed with tears.

Your expression told him everything he needed to know. Guilt crept over him and all h could think was if it could be prevented. If only his pride and ego didn’t blind him if only he wouldn’t let his emotions stop him. But now it was too late. You, the person he loved dearly was hurt, making him feel helpless.

Before he could think how can he comfort you, you were already in his arms. You cried your heart out on his shoulder as he just closed you in his warm and secure embrace, wanting to bring home to you, in such a crisis you were in.

“Hee, you were right!” you cried, choking on each word. “I should’ve listened to you, it’s all my fault!”

Heeseung pulled out t your words and cupped your cheeks in his palms. His eyes were full of compassion and regret, accentuated by tears that threatened to fall down his face. “No Y/n. It’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. I am here to listen and help you.”

His words felt like a soft Sunbeams that hit your skin after days of constant rain. You felt like your tensed body slowly relaxes at his touch and words as he spoke. Realizing how lucky you got, to have a friend like him you smiled as tears still blurred your vision. Nonetheless, you still noticed how he also smiled at you, eyes expressing nothing but pure love and will to protect you from everything.

“Plus the way he looks at you speaks for itself better than your constant love confessions,” you recalled Jennifer’s words now replaying all the memories you made with him during those almost 4 years of friendship.

How he never hesitated to help you whenever he saw you struggling.

How he never let you skip meals during exam season, sacrificing his own study time.

How he always managed to make time for you.

How he helped you live to the fullest during your high school days.

How he was the only person to truly know how to calm you down and help you relax.

How he was the only person to know your true self.

How he just stayed by your side, even though you were wrong, and hurt him with your insensitive words.

He truly does love you. How could you not see this?

What bugged you, even more, was how you didn’t realize you loved him too, maybe even more than he loves you. His compassion, passion, and kindness made him an angel you did not deserve.

“Hee, I’m so sorry.” You shook your head from disbelief at your own obliviousness and stupidity. “I’m so sorry for hurting you, for what I said a few days ago. I regret it and never intended to hurt you.”

He didn’t reply. Instead, he just smiled and invited you into his embrace once again. You gladly fell into his arms and melted in the comforting touch that helped you feel at ease. Your oasis. Your home.

Evening, Friday, 28th April 2023

The spectators were going crazy at the fierce match between the two teams. Your university’s players were currently losing by a few points but still were hoping to win regionals. While teams were discussing tactics with their coaches during a short break you were shouting words of encouragement along with other fans.

After the floor got cleaned players once again stepped on the court and started the last quarter. The ball relocated quickly between the hands of opponents when because of a small mistake of one of them it landed in your team’s captain, Heeseung’s hands. Your side of the bleachers screamed out of joy as he scored 3 points.

For a few minutes, none of the teams scored, raising the stress and emotions to the maximum. Now Heeseung’s team needed a final word to win the game and knock current front-runners off their pedestal. The tension in the air suffocated everyone, they were equally close and far from winning, because of the exhaustion of the other team.

The clock showed one minute till the end and a sudden rush of adrenaline overpowered Heeseung’s body. He had to lead his team to victory and he knew he could do it. He waited for the right moment and took the ball away from another player. He rushed to the hoop making an impressive buzzer beater leaving one side of the hall in tears of regret and the other one of joy.

The team surrounded him in a group hug, celebrating the victory and making it to the nationals, for the first time in your university’s history.

Seeing him so happy and smiley because of victory made your heart fill with glee and pride.

You saw how his teammates’ girlfriends rushed to congratulate them. That’s when Heeseung and your eyes met. He made a confused expression and you saw him say, barely audible because of the noise: “What are you waiting for?” and opened his arms.

You laughed and rushed his way to engulf him in a hug, not caring about the layer of sweat that covered his body and clothes. You pulled out, arms still wrapped around his neck, and kissed him, feeling salty drops on your lips. He melted in your touch and lifted your body while spinning around. You giggled against his lips and pulled away saying: “I’m so proud of you, love” making his cheeks and tips of ears turn bright pink. “I love you so much,” you confessed and looked deeply into his beautiful dark eyes.

“I love you more,” he said leaving a sweet kiss on your temple.

thank you for reading! back to the masterlist

[kitthepurplepotato]

Week 9 - Awkward.

Summary: Izuku and you try to act normal. It’s not working. Then Melissa Shield appears out of nowhere and everything escalates - for the best of for the worst? See it for yourself.

Warnings: Swear words, a bit of angst at the beginning.

First Chapter Master List

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

“You’re overworking yourself.” Your voice is loud in the silence of the night, even though you are half asleep on the sofa; you are dead tired and your hands hurt so much from all the commissions you’ve had to do this week, but you couldn’t take the silent treatment anymore. You stayed up until he came home; it’s 3AM. 3 fucking AM in the fucking morning.

“I…” Deku stills in the hallway, his costume full of blood, his face full of small, untreated scratches. You don’t let him finish the sentence.

“You haven’t eaten at all at home. For a week. If you don’t like my cooking, just tell me.”

“You know that’s not true…” he tries again, but no, you are not finished.

“You left without seeing your recovery team. Again.” Izuku is far away but you can see he’s shaking; he’s in pain, he’s tired, everything is just wrong and you have no idea how to fix this; you know it’s your fault, it’s your stupid feelings that makes him keep the distance, but you can’t fucking fix that, can you? You can’t just tell yourself to stop feeling this way and go back to being nothing but roommates, like you haven’t kissed for an hour on the sofa, content and happy until the realization hit afterwards and things went to shit. “Do you want me to leave? I can. I understand…” You say, but your whole body shakes from the sudden wave of tears pooling in your eyes. Izuku doesn’t say anything, just stares at you with pure horror and you can hear the restraint snapping as he runs through the living room, right into your arms.

He doesn’t say a word, just shakes quietly, small sniffles leaving his mouth as he smears blood all over your pajamas, but you don’t care; not right now, not ever when it comes to Midoriya Izuku.

You stay like this for several minutes, shaking and crying for no reason at all, all the suppressed emotions bubbling up all together. The sky starts to rumble dramatically in the background as the first drops of rain hit the window, spattering aggressively on the glass in a soothing pattern. The sudden wind clears the strong metallic smell of the blood and you should probably close that one open window, but the sound is too nice to muffle it; small droplets of rain fall onto the floor, the soft sound of pattering comforting your troubled soul, just enough to be able to make a sentence.

“Early breakfast or late dinner?” You ask while your fingers untangle the frizzy curls on Izuku’s head.

“Both.” Izuku smiles for the first time this week; you can’t see it but you can feel it on your chest, the tiny movement as his lips quirk up, happy and content in your arms.

“Have a shower then.”

“Yes, boss.” Izuku salutes and he’s gone; the flat is silent again but it’s not the same as it was before; the stuffiness is gone, the air is fresh, and eventually, everything will be alright.

~•🥦•~

Things are weird, but it’s okay.

Being with Izuku feels like a game, a challenge to see who can keep the poker face on for longer, who’s better at ignoring the elephant in the room. It’s the opposite of how things have been; back before the whole kissing thing, it was all about honesty and being yourself around the the other, about the way you two pulled towards each other like two opposite sides of the magnet and you just let it happen, because that’s what felt right, but right now it’s all about staying away, keeping a safe distance, pushing down every single thought of a fleeting touch, about small stolen kisses, faking a weird “normalcy”, even if it feels like the betrayal towards your own selves.

Izuku comes home around 10 every day now. He eats, he smiles, he says “thank you” and goes to sleep then he’s gone the next morning. He goes to see his mom on his next free day then comes back in the evening. He watches a movie with you but he doesn’t cuddle; he just puts his head on the arm rest and lies on the sofa, his legs in your laps, his eyes forced on the movie the whole time; his legs move up and down absently in a desperate attempt to soothe his urge for intimate contact. Izuku made sure there is no romantic plot to the movie either, it’s plain and boring but none of you comment on it; it doesn’t really matter as you are way too focused on the uncomfortable feeling in your chest; it feels like there is a massive gawking hole inside, a missing piece and you have no idea what to do about it.

It’s around 9PM on Izuku’s day off when there’s a knock on the door; it’s light and elegant so it’s definitely not Bakugou; Izuku looks up at you with confused eyes and you shrug; you’re not expecting visitors and by the look of it, neither is Deku. There is a hint of worry in his eyes as he ushers you to stay seated but he schools his face into a neutral one as he makes his way to the door.

He looks at the screen next to the door and perks up; there is a pang of jealousy in you by the sight of his smile but you try to push it down as far as you can.

“Melissa!” Izuku smiles at the “intruder”; a beautiful, blonde lady, around Izuku’s age, maybe a bit older. She doesn’t wait around for long and jumps into the hero’s arms and Deku sways with her for a few moments before he puts the girl down.

Your stomach churns and every single part of you screams; you want to stand up and put your hands on your roommate’s back, stand next to him, let the girl know you and Izuku come as a package deal now, but you push is down. You are so fucking done with pushing shit down. One day, you’ll explode, but for now, you just take it. The blade in your heart stings and there’s blood leaking from the wound but you take it like a champ. Deku looks at you for a second and he sees something in your eyes; his own eyes change into that dark color they always do when he sees you with a stranger and fuck, the world stopped moving again; it’s just you and him, trying to convey everything with a fleeting look; his eyes scream “I want this to be you” as Melissa cuddles into his side, giggling and chatting away about her long journey while you two to do something that could be called “eye fucking” if this stupid fanfiction wouldn’t be so PG. Melissa senses the weird vibe and looks towards you; he jumps away from her green friend and starts rambling about bad timing but Izuku puts his hands on her shoulders to calm her down.

“Mel, this is Y/N.” Izuku smiles and ushers you to come over. You are terrified of this pretty lady. She’s too cute to be true.

“Oh my god, so nice to meet you! Izuku can’t shut up about you, it feels like I already know you! How’s your hand?”

Oh my God, she’s adorable. And sweet. And nice. And kind. And… she has nice boobies. They bounce in between you two as she hugs you tight. Wow. Just wow.

“What? My hand?” You mumble awkwardly; you have no idea what she’s talking about.

“Izuku said you draw a lot and that sometimes you start touching your wrist subconsciously, when you overwork yourself, that’s all!” Melissa smiles and Izuku blushes immediately.

“Yeah, it hurts a bit, but it’s fine. I just need to let it rest for a few days before I start working on commissions again.” You smile awkwardly, your hands automatically caressing your own wrists, but it’s more like an anxious tick right now than a way to soothe the pain. Deku senses your awkwardness and decides to speak up.

“Melissa is from I-Island, she’s the daughter of All Might’s best friend and ex-colleague. His father made All Might’s first proper costume. Melissa is also an amazing gear designer, she’s the one who made my full gauntlet. She’s also quirkless.” Deku smiles, patting the girl’s shoulders proudly. You give the girl a sad smile.

“Wow, you’ve achieved so much even though you are quirkless, I respect that.”

It’s true; to be quirkless and achieve anything in the hero field is almost impossible; even the support course if full of people with suitable quirks for their career, and the same goes for the business and general classes; fuck, even art classes are full with people with artistic quirks or quirks that can create. When you are quirkless there is always someone better than you; most people just give up on their dreams, go with the flow and hope there is a stupid convenience store or an office that still allows quirkless applicants.

“With my father being in the business I don’t really feel like I achieved as much as it looks like, Y/N. I’m just lucky.” She smiles shyly, somehow sensing your discomfort.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Mel. Your works are amazing, you have so much talent and I can’t wait to see your collab with Hatsume Mei! You two will definitely make something amazing!”

Ahh. That hurts.

“Izuku-kun, shush…”

“Uhm, I think I’m gonna hit the bed, you two have fun.” You try your best to smile, feeling unimportant and worthless. Fuck, what were you even thinking when you fell in love with Japan’s number one hero? You don’t have a job, you leech off him to save on rent and draw stupid comics for pocket money.

“Y/N, it’s half past nine.”

Back to normal names now? Great. Peachy.

“Uhm, actually…” Melissa speaks up and you can feel how awkward she feels right now; you start to feel really bad for her, this is a terrible timing to visit this flat. “I don’t really have a place to stay tonight. Can I crash on your sofa? Mei and I rented an apartment together in the city, but it’s on Mei’s name and her flight was canceled…”

“Oh, I’ll sleep on the sofa, you can sleep… uhm… fuck…?” Deku mumbles and you can’t help but laugh at that.

Okay, here’s something you’ve never talked about; Midoriya Izuku doesn’t let anyone into his room. At all. You’ve been living here for more than two months now and you haven’t even been inside yet; his door is closed when he’s not around, and he’s never asked you if you want to come in. He doesn’t have anything creepy in there; sometimes, when he’s at home he leaves the door open and it really looks like a normal room but somehow, you still feel like there is something about his room he wants to keep for himself and now that he’s stopped in the middle of his sentence, eyes wide as saucers you are certainly sure he thinks about his room as a safe place; his own, untouched wonderland waiting for him after a hard day of work, something that’s his and only his and he wants to keep it that way even if it makes the whole situation awkward as hell right now.

“Just use my room, Melissa. I’ll go and finish a commission in the garden. Tell me when you guys are ready to sleep and I’ll take the sofa. I kinda feel like drawing.”

Well, that’s a big fat lie, but drawing might help getting over your sudden anxiety and to be honest, you really don’t feel like you would get a wink of sleep anyway so you might as well just do an all-nighter and finish a bunch of projects. Izuku doesn’t like this option at all, so he barely lets you finish your sentence before he interrupts .

“But you just said your wrist hurts…” Melissa mumbles but Izuku jumps into her sentence.

“Y-you can sleep in my room, Sweet Pea. You… can. Just don’t touch the bookshelf in the middle. Please. I beg you.”

“That sounds hella sus, mate.” Melissa giggles.

“It’s n-nothing creepy I swear!” Izuku stutters again, his arms flying around his body in the funniest way possible.

“I know, Mr. Walking Green Flag. Someone has a secret Tumblr full of gay fanfictions, someone has a secret room full of creepy nerd shit. We all have secrets.” Melissa winks at you and bro, she couldn’t be more right. You feel personally attacked.

“Who said anything about a secret room?!” Izuku makes a really high pitched noise that makes All Meowth so agitated he starts running back and forth on the hallway. You both start laughing at Izuku’s startled face and all the tension is gone from the room; even though you still feel a pang of jealousy towards the beautiful blonde girl, she sounds like a really cool gal you really want to be friends with. You might even be able to exchange your fanfiction links by the end of tonight.

“Anyone up to play Mario Kart?” You grin at the two, all your worries long forgotten in the heat of the moment. It was stupid anyway. Melissa is great.

“You’re staying?” Izuku looks at you with a hopeful glint in his eyes. You love this man. So much.

“Yeah, I’m staying.” You smile, your cheeks rocking a tiny blush from the knowing look Melissa gives you.

“I’ll destroy you two. I hope you are ready to get your asses kicked.” Melissa yells and…

You do get your ass kicked a few minutes after that.

~•🥦•~

Mario Kart is fun; Izuku doesn’t sit too far away this time, he sits right in the middle and you both sit down on the two sides; you try to sit a bit further away out of habit; sadly, it did become a habit in this week and you hate it so much; but Izuku scoots closer to you, just as the first game starts. Your heart flutters and you feel like it’s the first time he’s ever been this close to you; it’s really silly to feel this way after knowing how his mouth tastes, but you can’t help it.

Melissa wins the first round and the second and the third, Izu makes a soft whine and begs for mercy but Mel wins again and again. There is one point when you are so close to winning, you race with her side by side while Izuku’s car falls out of the screen; you almost win but then Izuku puts his hands on your thighs to cheer you on, and the warmth of his palm is so distracting you slip on a silly little banana peel right by the finish line. Izuku makes a defeated whine and throws himself back on the sofa, his head leaning on your shoulders as he laughs. The world has stopped again, the only thing audible is the adorable giggling from the red faced hero. His eyes shine with pure happiness and for a second, everything is back to normal, just you and Izuku filling up the space in the living room with fondness and adoration, pinks, greens and reds swirling around the room like little strings, tangled and happy to be able to dance again, to turn the grey world into one full of colors. The feelings doesn’t last very long; Izuku gives you one last smile and slowly moves away; Melissa stands up awkwardly and leaves to your room, leaving you two alone in the darkness, the only light in the room coming from the TV, swirls of rainbow colored roads filling up the screen but it’s nothing compared the colors which swirled around just a seconds ago; instead of the earlier swarm of butterflies it fills you with the sense of reality, dark and dreadful and you now you need to leave before it all spills out, together with all the tears you’ve been suppressing for days now.

“You sure you don’t want to stay in your room? You are working tomorrow, I’m just… here. Doing nothing. I can do that with a bit of back pain.” You smile sadly. Izuku’s face contorts into a frown and a hit of anger sips through his cool facade.

“Don’t say that about yourself.” Izuku retorts angrily. “You are an artist. You make art. You take care of this flat. You take care of me even when I’m being an ungrateful little prick. You tend my wounds and force me to eat.”

“Okay, I get it, I’m sorry…”

“Don’t.” Izuku jumps into your words. “My nightmares used to be about me and my friends being beaten up to pulp. Now my nightmares are about an empty flat where you don’t wait for me to come home. And fuck, I would do anything to have nightmares about battles, blood and villains, because they are so much better than a world without you.”

The suppressed tears roll down your face all at once; even the thought of loosing him makes you want to claw your own heart out and throw it in a ditch and you start to understand why is Izuku acting this way; a life full of suffering is so much better than a life without him by your side.

Romance is a fickle thing and can go wrong any time; a small mistake, the wrong words at the wrong time can break the fragile glass wall around you but nothing can break a bond of companionship; Izuku’s not pushing you away, he’s just trying to save your relationship while breaking his own fucking heart together with your own and somehow, it makes sense now.

“Good night, Izu-Izu.” You smile through the tears and make your way towards Izuku’s room. The door clicks softly after you and you turn on the lights. Everything in this room screams of Izuku; the All Might posters framed on the wall, all signed with small motivational quotes on every single one them, the beautiful shelves full of figurines; two for All Might and three for all his friends; the whole class A is there, even Mineta.

The walls are a beautiful dark green color except the one brick wall behind the head of the bed. There are bunch of Polaroids hanging from the brick wall, all attached to a beautiful string of fairly lights, just like in the living room, but the pictures are much more personal; there is a picture of Izuku in the hospital, smiling, even though all his limbs are in casts, then another one of Katsuki, who’s covered in bandages like a mummy; he’s not even able to breath without a tube; and there is Izuku by his side, his hands grasping the other’s in his sleep. Izuku’s head is resting on their entwined fingers while he sits in the little plastic chair in the most uncomfortable position possible. There is a scribble underneath the picture;

“If we’ve made it this far, there is nothing we can’t achieve.”

There is an old picture of the squad, sitting around the fire, smiling.

“Together, we are stronger.”

And then there’s All Might, skinny and fragile, with a happy smile on his face as he looks at the teen version of Izuku by his side.

The note says:

“I thought I’ll never know how does it feel like to have a dad, but then I realized I’ve always had one.”

Tears fall down on your cheeks as you go through the memories and for your surprise, there is a picture of you, sleeping on the sofa with All Meowth. The note says:

“Home.”

You had no idea he took this picture of you; you didn’t even know he actually owns that camera himself; you thought the pictures in the living room were made by one of his friends; but there is a green polaroid camera sitting on his bookshelf, cute and bright, small little stickers all over the case.

On Izuku’s bedside table there is a beautiful golden statue of All Might with a little tag hanging from his neck; you flip the little tag and there is a message on it.

“To the son I never had. From Toshi.”

You are not surprised he’s never let anyone step into this room except Katsuki; one step into this place and you are inside Izuku’s brain, his whole life story written all over the walls and shelves. This room is another level of personal and you can’t believe you are allowed in here. After a few minutes of crying you move towards the bookshelf; you don’t touch the one in middle as per Izuku’s instructions but you can’t help but move towards the little pile of mess on the side; there is a picture frame turned to the other side and a bunch of little notes scattered all over the place; you take one in your hands and your heart soars; all of the notes are from you.

“No one cares about All Might’s back muscle, stop judging my work so harshly, Midoriya! ><“

Ahh, you can’t help but laugh at the note; it feels like it was ten years ago when Izuku left silly notes on every single one of your drawings. It was fun for the first few days but then it just made you angry. You also giggle at the fact, that you called him Midoriya; you don’t remember the last time you did that.

“Stop changing the settings on All Meowth’s feeder! He’s on a diet!!!! Silly Deku >.<“ !!!”

Yeah, you gave up on that for now. Apparently, Izuku likes his animals “fluffy.”

“I found a blonde hair on your costume, are you cheating on me, Izu-Izu?”

Spoiler: it was Kacchan’s.

“Pizza in the oven! Just press the left button and leave it on for 5 mins to re-heat it. I miss u.”

“Bloody costume goes into the black bin, Izuku! It’s not rocket science!”

Oh my god, you are crying and laughing all at once right now. He kept every single one of your notes, even the mean ones. They are all here, scattered all over the shelf, like it’s not even worth it to put them into a neat pile because he goes through them so frequently; the edges are frazzled and they all look old and wrinkled, like he’s been reading them every day for at least a month. You put the last note down and move towards the picture frame to face it towards you; on the back, there is a sticky note attached to it.

“If love is a picture, it’s this one. Just let it bloom, will ya? - Eijirou”.

You are terrified to turn the frame over but you take a deep breath and do it; it’s a picture of you in Deku’s old costume, snuggled into his side in the backstage area of the convention. Izuku looks at you with teary eyes, a small smile decorating his blushed face as he looks down at you. His arm is around your shoulders and his fingers are playing with the green fake hair attached your scalp.

And that’s when it hits you…

You can’t fucking force this to go away. It will never work. Not for you and not for him.

The love that blooms between you two is indestructible; even if you make a mistake, even if you fall apart, you two are bonded by a bond stronger than any fucking villain, shit, it’s stronger than death itself and it won’t ever change, romantic feelings or not. Even if it ends bad, even if it tears you apart on the long run, you know you’ll stay by his side and he’ll welcome you with open arms, as a friend as a lover, or as a long-lost ex, it doesn’t fucking matter.

“Fuck it.” You yell into the emptiness right as the time changes to 0:00. You stomp out of Izuku’s room to grab that stupid motherfucker by the collar and drag him into his motherfucking bed.

… Next Chapter!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Potato ramble:

- I’m so sorry to do this to you guys! I’m a mean little potato; but trust me, it will worth the wait! The next chapter is so bloody cute I can’t 😂

- The first season ends next week! I want to cry 😭😭😭 After the first season is finished there will be a one week break so I can get my shit together and then we are back with Deku’s silly shenanigans!

- A more personal note: this week was hell for me, guys. I haven’t written anything except a Midoriya POV of this story which will be the first chapter of season one. First I had Covid then I had a really shitty time getting out of it; I have a really bad immune system + heart issues and bro, I genuinely thought I’m not gonna make it. It gave me terrible anxiety as well because I lost my father a year ago thanks to heart issues, so man… I need a fucking break so much right now. It took me a week and a half to not sleep through the whole day and I had to go to work after a few days so I ended up working 7-4 and sleep for the rest of the day. I can’t believe I managed to keep my fanfiction timetable to stay on time 😂 Priorities, man 😂😂😂

- On a more positive note: I started playing this My Hero Academia mobile game and I’m obsessed. That’s the other reason I’m behind with my writing 😂😂 not even gonna lie, man. It’s called MHA Strongest hero! If you play the game, my name is PurplePotato and I suck balls. 😂

Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! Send me your thoughts, they keep me motivated! 🩷

TL:

@porusuniverse @stickygumchewer @sixxze @mily-moo @aei-sedai-moiraine @aymasakusa @kastuari @kenzie-deadly @shiviwrites07 @lukerycyja-reblogs @cloroxisadelectabletreat @coffeent @kisskissshutmydoor @bobcar1 @yazminetrahan @cringefan @thekookiecorner @dangerousluv1 @emperatris-rinaka @shotos-angelic-whore @angelsdemonsmonsters @ronimacaroni77

[dreamyelectronicmusic]

Break Me + wilmon :)

Thank you so much for the prompt and sorry it took so late! (don't ask me why I asked for prompts the day before leaving on vacation...) Also sorry about the content, but you asked for angst 😭

-----------------------

He shouldn’t have run after the car.

It was a thought that had been nagging at the back of Wille’s mind for months, just a little twinge at first, easy to ignore, but growing stronger and more undeniable with every passing week. Now, as he watched Simon’s beloved, beautiful face, smoothed out and relaxed in his sleep but still puffy and blotchy from crying, he finally had to face the truth.

He should have let Simon go that day. He should have let him be free of the misery that was Wille’s life, but instead he had dragged him back down, too wrapped up in his own feelings, too self-involved to fully consider the only thing that really mattered: Simon’s wellbeing. Of course Simon had taken him back, of course he had given him another chance; it was what he did. But Wille shouldn’t have asked it of him. He shouldn’t have been so naive as not to realise that his decision to renounce the crown wasn’t a magic spell that would miraculously fix everything.

It had been good for a while. Their summer had been bright and hopeful and full of love, but reality had crept back in eventually. The never-ending media scrutiny that made it necessary for Simon’s family to move, and the resulting distance between them. The pressure the court, and to a lesser extent his mother, put on Wille to change his mind, or at least “do the responsible thing” and wait a couple of years before taking any irreversible steps to give up his place in the line of succession, just to be sure it really was what he wanted. Wille had stood his ground, determined not to wait a single day beyond his eighteenth birthday, but the pressure got to him, and it got to Simon. Wille didn’t know how to shield him from it without keeping important things from him, how to confide in him without stressing him out even more and making him doubt that Wille was all in.

Then, the looming succession crisis that had so far been kept carefully under wraps got leaked to the press. No one was sure how; Wille suspected the girl August was seeing, even though August swore that he had never discussed confidential royal matters with her. In the end, the source didn’t matter. What mattered was that the attention on them – on Simon – had increased tenfold. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on how the Crown Prince’s socialist, son-of-an-immigrant boyfriend was trying to take down the monarchy from within. Simon put on a brave face, but Wille could see what it was doing to him, how he’d shrunk into himself, become quiet and withdrawn and less Simon. Wille never heard him singing to himself anymore.

And the worst part was that Wille realised now it wasn’t going to end anytime soon. Even after he officially gave up his right to the throne, it would take years before he could fade into relative obscurity, if it ever happened. If he wanted something approaching normalcy, he’d probably have to move abroad, at least for a couple of years.

He couldn’t ask Simon to go through all that just to be with him. It wasn’t fair. And he couldn’t wait for Simon to reach his breaking point again. It would have to be him this time. He would be the one to do the right thing and put Simon first. Let him go, the way he should have done that last day at Hillerska. Hoping that it wasn’t too late, that the damage he’d caused wasn’t irreparable yet. That Simon would hurt for a while but then he’d be able to be happy. That was the only thing that mattered. That Simon could be happy. Wille owed him the chance.

He swallowed the sob forcing its way up his throat but couldn’t stop the tears from spilling. He just had to be quiet and not wake Simon. He needed rest. And in the morning… Wille would do it. He would end it. 

He had a couple of hours left until then. He would watch over Simon as he slept, trying to commit every line of his face to memory. It would be the last chance he’d ever get.

[hoe4sports]

Your love lifts me up like helium

Ruesha Littlejohn x reader

A/N: Just wanted to do a little something with this song. Listen to it if you’d like, it was the inspo for this piece of art.

Trigger warning: Depression like feelings, mentions of feeling like there is no hope. Mentions of ending life. Panic attacks. Fluff end.

“Help me out of this hell. Your love lifts me up like helium”

Two days prior to this moment, the Republic of Ireland had touched down in Australia. The squad had a week before the actual fifa program would start. It was great as it gave you time to explore Australia and it let you adapt to the warm climate. The practices had been going great, and you were trying to fit in as much touristy things as you possibly could. You wanted to make the most of this trip. Ruesha on the other hand, had seen Katie and Caitlin Foord walk out of Katie’s hotelroom together at 5 in the morning leaving the gorgeous blonde once again crushed to pieces. And how was you doing in this? Well, you and Ruesha were sharing a room. You weren’t getting much sleep, and for all the wrong reasons.

“Yeah, I wanted to play tough. Thought I could do all just on my own. But even Superwoman. Sometimes needed Superman's soul.”

You got woken up just after midnight by Ruesha’s crying. “It was 6 years of my life” Ruesha sulked as you tried to comfort her again. She was leaning against you while you were both camping out on her bed. “6 years I’ll never get back..” she kept going. “Nobody is ever gonna love me like her, I’m too old now” she said as she sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeves. “Ruesh, you’ll find someone” you said as you yawned. “What if she also cheats? I’m pathetic. I’m never gonna be enough for a lifetime” she sulked as i wanted to rolled my eyes. “Okay, maybe little Rushie needs to go to sleep, yeh? Here, I’ll help you.” You mumbled as you forced her to lay down on the soft mattress. “Sometimes feelings get bigger at nighttime. That’s why you should be gettin’ some sleep” you said as a stroked her hair softly. You tried to stand up slowly as she closed her eyes and her muscles relaxed, only to make it to the end of your bed before she started sobbing again. She hadn’t slept alone for 6 years, and for the last week she had been sleeping next to you. “Okay, pretty girl, how about we sleep next to eachother?” you said as you scooted in and held her as her sobs quietly stopped. She was fast asleep, even snoring as you kissed the top of her head. “I’m gonna get you through this Rushie”

“I'm trying but I keep falling down. I cry out but nothing comes now”

The next nights were followed by the same crying, only it was escalating every night. Sobbing turned into crying turned into hysterically crying. The worst night was night 7, and the following day you were playing against Australia and Katie’s new girlfriend. Ruesha had skipped breakfast, lunch and dinner today, and you felt extra worried. Her normally bright eyes were tired and heavy. Her clothes fitting visibly looser now than just 7 days ago. “I’m never gonna be happy again” . That was the first sign of her nightly crying. “Nobody will ever love me again, I’m unloveable.” she continued. “I don’t have a house, a job or even a girlfriend anymore” you sighted as you could hear her starting to rumble. You cut her off. Ruesh, I think you need to see a psychologist.” Oops, that came out harder than what you wanted. She looked at me with fear in her eyes and she snapped immediately. “I don’t need no psychiatrist or whatever!”. She crossed her arms, and looked like you had just offered her drugs. “LEAVE ME ALONE!” She shouted as she threw a pillow at you. You couldn’t stand it anymore seeing as you were getting 3-4 hours sleep every night because of McBastard and her new toy. You turned your back towards Ruesha as you fell asleep covering your ear with a pillow to dim her cries while the guilt was eating you alive.

“But when the fear comes and I drift towards the ground, I am lucky that you're around.”

You were woken up violently two hours later by Ruesha being out of breath. She was hyperventilating, ugly crying and was hysterical. She was screaming and wheezing at the same time shaking as if her last day had arrived. You assessed her for a few seconds to figure out what the hell was going on. “Rushie?” You asked carefully as she looked desperately at me. Oh my, she was having a full blown panic attack. You hopped out of bed and sprinted across the room to get to her as quickly as you could. You sat myself behind her and held her tight while trying to decompress her. “Breathe Rushie, take a deep breath.” You encouraged as she shook her head. You had panic attacks as a young teen, and you used to drink something to get it to stop. The feeling of liquid and flavor distracting you. You desperately looked around you and grabbed the closest bottle you could find. You flicked the cap off causing it to fly into the room. “Here, drink Ruesha. It will help, I promise!” You said as she shook her head once again. “N-no!’ I’m n-not! I-I-I don’t deserv-“ she cried as the panic continued and took over her breathing. Jesus, Katie had really ruined her making her believe that she didn’t deserve fucking oxygen. “Hey, hey, you, come here Rue rue” you said as you sat yourself infront of her. “Touch my hands please” you said as I you reached out your hands. She grabbed my hands quickly as she panicked. “Squeeze my hands, as hard as you can” you commanded and she squeezed. “Now, put your hands on your head” you said as you demonstrated the movement hoping it would open her lungs up like when you push too hard at the gym. She moved her hands and placed them on her head while still desperately trying to catch her breath. You scooted closer to her, so your noses touched. “Ruesha, it’s okay. It’s just a panic attack. We are gonna get through this.” You said as you stared into her tired yet stunning eyes. You couldn’t even grasp how her eyes were so beautiful even at her worst. I you reached out and pulled her into your lap, as you squeezed her moving the attention away from the breathing. You stroke her back with decent pressure and kept forcing her to breathe in a square. After a few mins of breathing together, she calmed down and flopped toward you. Her body starved of energy. You sat there in silence while you held her tight.

“Rue?”

“Mm?”

“We are gonna get through this together. I’m not leaving you, ever.” You said as you kissed the top of her head. “But tomorrow morning, we are going to talk to the coaches about this, okay?” You said as she nodded and laid down.

She turned herself towards you laying in your warm embrace with her face close to mine as she fell asleep. You waited a good 30 minutes before you dared to fall asleep fearing that she might start panicking again. You spent the time admiring her features. You could tell if even one freckle had moved a centimetre. She was just so beautiful. When she slept soundly, you allowed yourself some rest. But before i you fell asleep you touched her peaceful face. You leaned in towards her ear and whispered;

“When you hit the ground, I’ll be all you need Rue. I’ll love you,everyday. At your worst and at your best. I pinky promise..”

“When I've hit the ground. You're all I need. Cause your love lifts me up like helium.”

*Ruesha pov*

I woke up at 7.30 confused. What had happened last night? I was confused as it hit me as a train. Panic attacks. Crying. Feeling like I didn’t deserve air. I turned around in the single bed finding Y/N holding me as she slept soundly. She had been my bestfriend forever, even before I met Katie. I admired her before touching her face. It was first now that I noticed how beautiful her face was. Tan skin. Light pink full lips, all natural. Not like Katie, Katie had injections in her lips and she would make fun of Y/N for not getting the same fillers. Y/N didn’t need them thought. Her light blue eyes shut as she slept. I decided to hold her as she turned around in her sleep. I realised that she had slept less than me as she was trying to fix what Katie had broken. I leaned in towards her ear and whispered; “Your love lifts me up like helium. I love you forever”

Perhaps if I practiced while she slept, then I might work up the courage to tell her one day..

[kmomof4]

A Scoundrel... Or a Gentleman? Ch. 7

We're back and full speed ahead with more smut and angst! Sorry? Kinda? If smut is not your thing, stop reading at the double scene change line.

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*~*~*

Thank you to all the folks who helped get this fic published in the first place! @jrob64 for her beta expertise, encouragement, and listening to me whine and doubt myself. A lot. @snowbellewells and @motherkatereloyshipper for the artwork they made to accompany the fic. And finally to all of you readers. I cannot express to you how much each and every comment, flail, and message y'all have sent mean to me. Thank you all so very VERY MUCH!!!

Words: Just over 5400 of approx 59,5K

Rating: M (smut)

Tags: Regency Romance, Inspired by Francesca Bridgerton's Story, Smut

On ao3 From Beginning / Current Ch

On Tumblr Prologue Ch2 Ch3 Ch4 Ch5 Ch6

Tagging the usuals. Please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed.

@jrob64 @winterbaby89 @hollyethecurious @the-darkdragonfly @jennjenn615 @donteattheappleshook @undercaffinatednightmare @pirateherokillian @cocohook38 @qualitycoffeethings @booksteaandtoomuchtv @superchocovian @motherkatereloyshipper @snowbellewells @pirateprincessofpizza @djlbg @lfh1226-linda @xarandomdreamx @tiganasummertree @bluewildcatfanatic @anmylica @laianely @resident-of-storybrooke @exhaustedpirate @gingerchangeling @caught-in-the-filter @ultraluckycatnd @stahlop @darkshadow7 @fleurdepetite @captainswan-kellie @soniccat @beckettj @teamhook @whimsicallyenchantedrose @thisonesatellite @jonesfandomfanatic @elfiola @zaharadessert @ilovemesomekillianjones @mie779 @kymbersmith-90 @suwya

Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

The following morning was quite the worst morning in Emma’s recent memory. Only the morning following Liam’s death came close.

She wanted to cry. She wanted to rail. But, oh no, crying was for the innocent, and she certainly wasn’t that. And damn him, but he’d made sure that he had her consent at every step, so she couldn’t rail against him either.

But she could hate herself. She could hate herself for betraying her heart and every last principle she had, all for a bit of passion. She hated that she felt passion for any man besides her husband, and the fact that she felt that passion for Killian? Her husband’s brother? It was unconscionable. Her marriage bed had been one of delight and passion, but nothing could have prepared her for the surge of desire and rapture Killian had awoken within her. Desire and rapture that had gone far beyond anything she’d ever experienced with Liam.

But now, the morning after, she could no longer differentiate between coward and fool. At least when those words applied to herself. For they both surely did. Perhaps with an immature thrown in for good measure.

She could have stayed and faced him, but instead, just like last time, she ran. 

She couldn’t really leave Kilmartin, not unless she was planning on visiting Norway for some reason, but it was a large estate, and she could definitely leave the house. If she could just avoid him for one day, she’d be better. Maybe then she could face him and her tumultuous thoughts and feelings. 

Courage, she was quite sure, was a vastly overrated virtue.

So, as dawn streaked the skies, she left the house. She wasn’t sure exactly where she was going. As long as her chances of running into Killian were slim to non-existent, it didn’t really matter.

But about an hour into her hike - because she was quite convinced no benevolent higher power would look at her with favor ever again - it began to rain. It started as just a light mist, before quickly becoming a ferocious downpour. She took shelter under the low hanging limbs of a silver birch in a small grove, resigned to waiting out the rain. But when it wasn’t letting up after a half hour, she sat, finally deciding since she was already soaked to the skin and freezing, there was no reason to try and stay clear of the mud on the ground.

And of course, that was how Killian found her, some two hours later.

Good God, it figures he’d look for her. Why couldn’t he be relied on to act like a cad when it truly mattered?

“Is there room for me under there?” he hollered over the still pouring rain.

“Not for you and your horse,” she grumbled.

“What was that?”

“No!” she yelled.

He didn’t listen to her, of course, and led his mount under the branches.

“Emma,” he scolded. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

“Good morning to you, too,” she muttered.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been out looking for you?”

“Probably about as long as I’ve been huddled under this tree, I imagine,” she retorted, hotly. She supposed she should be thankful for his appearance, but she was still in a fiendishly foul mood and was quite willing to be contrary just for the sake of, well, being contrary.

Nothing could put a woman in worse spirits than a heaping dose of self-loathing.

Although, she thought rather peevishly, he was most certainly not blameless about last night, and if he thought that her panicked litany of I’m sorrys after the fact absolved him, he was quite mistaken.

“Well, let’s go,” he said, motioning to his mount with his chin.

She kept her gaze on the field beyond their scant shelter. “The rain is letting up.”

He followed her gaze and snorted. “In China, perhaps.”

“I’m quite fine,” she lied.

“Oh, for God’s sake, Emma,” he snapped. “Hate me all you want, but don’t be an idiot.”

“Too late for that,” she grumbled, under her breath.

“Maybe so,” he agreed, demonstrating annoyingly good hearing, “but I’m freezing and want to go home. Believe it or not, right now I have a far greater desire for a cup of tea than I do for you.”

His words should have reassured her, but all she wanted to do was hurl a rock at his head. Then suddenly, the rain did let up. Not completely, but enough.

“The sun will be out in no time,” she said, motioning to the drizzle. “I’m fine.”

“And do you plan to lay here for six hours or more to wait for your dress to dry?” he asked sarcastically. “Or do you just prefer a slow, lingering case of lung fever?”

She glared at him. “You are a horrible man.”

He laughed. “Now that is the first honest thing you’ve said all morning.”

“Is it possible you don’t realize I wish to be alone?” she shot back.

The humor disappeared from his face as quickly as it had appeared. “Is it possible you don’t realize that I don’t wish for you to die from pneumonia? Get on the horse, Emma,” he ordered, in much the same tone he probably used on his sailors in the Navy. “When we are home, you are welcome to lock yourself in your room - for a month if it pleases you - but for now, can we please get out of the blasted rain?”

He was right, of course. But the last thing she wanted was for him to be right about anything. Especially since she was coming to realize she was going to need more than a day - or a week, or a month - to get over last night.

She was going to need a lifetime.

“Killian,” she whispered, hoping to appeal to that part of him that would take pity on cold and wet females, “I can’t be with you right now.”

“For a twenty minute ride?” he snapped again. He suddenly surged forward, grabbed her about the waist, causing her to yelp, and sat her on the back of his horse.

“Killian!” she shrieked.

“Sadly,” he said drily, “not uttered in the same tones as last night.” 

She smacked him.

“I deserved that,” he said, mounting behind her, “but not so much as you deserve to be horsewhipped for your foolishness this morning.”

She gasped.

“If you wanted me to kneel at your feet and beg your forgiveness,” he whispered, his lips brushing the shell of her ear, “you shouldn’t have behaved like an idiot and run off in the rain, like you did.”

She huffed. “It wasn’t raining when I left.”

Once they were moving, she wished she had something besides his thighs to grasp for balance, and that he didn’t have to wrap his arm so tightly about her or so high on her ribcage. Gracious, her breasts were practically resting on his forearm.

Nevermind the fact that she was seated right in between his legs, her backside rubbing up against… Well, at least the rain was good for something. He’d be cold and shriveled, and that picture was going a long way toward keeping her own traitorous body in check.

But she had seen him. Seen him as she never thought she would. In all his splendid male glory. Which should have made her laugh, the very words sounding like a joke, but for Killian, they fit. They fit perfectly.

They rode on in silence through the rain. Or if not exactly silence, at least they rode without speaking. But his breath was loud and warm against the side of her face and neck, and she was sure she could feel his heart beating against her back.

Lightning split the sky suddenly, causing the horse to rear. Killian kept him under control, but Emma had been too caught up in the cadence of their mount and Killian’s nearness to notice the way the sky had turned an ugly green that preceded a storm of exquisite violence. 

“We’ll have to make for the gardener’s cottage,” Killian shouted. “It’s too dangerous to stay out here the rest of the way to the house.”

Emma’s heart raced. Whether from the fright of the lightning and then the loud clap of thunder or the thought of being alone with Killian in the one-room gardener’s cottage, she wasn’t sure. She knew the cottage was empty as the gardener’s wife had recently delivered twins and the family had moved to a larger dwelling on the other side of the estate.

Killian urged the horse to a canter and it was only a few minutes later that she could see the cottage through the curtain of rain. Killian helped her down when they arrived and bid her go inside and start a fire, while he stabled Rodrick in the small barn nearby.

She hadn’t gotten one started when he entered the cottage about ten minutes later.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t have much experience in that area, I’m afraid. I did find some dry wood in the corner, though.”

He nodded and knelt down in front of the hearth and set to work igniting a flame. It took a few minutes, but he got it started and stood to face her.

“Did you get it going?” she asked, stretching to peek around him.

“Yes, it will be going strong quite soon,” he assured her.

“Good,” she said, taking a step backward until she was stopped by the edge of the bed. “I’ll just be right here.”

He couldn’t help a wry smile at her words. In a one room cabin, where else did she think she would go? He studied her for a moment, until she began to fidget under his scrutiny. 

She wouldn’t meet his eyes and the slope of her shoulders was tight, her arms crossed underneath her breasts. 

She was angry.

He should have expected it, really. Well, he did expect it. What he didn’t expect was the sting it gave his pride, and his heart as well. He had known, obviously, that she wouldn’t declare her love and undying devotion to him after one passionate encounter, but he’d been just enough of a fool that a tiny corner of him had hoped for just such an outcome.

Who would have thought, after all the years of bad behavior, that he’d emerge a hopeless romantic?

But she would come around. She had to. She’d been very thoroughly compromised. And while, of course she wasn’t a virgin, that still meant something to a woman as principled as Emma.

That left him with a decision to make. Did he wait out her anger? Or did he needle and push her until she was forced to surrender to the inevitability of the situation? The latter seemed preferable and more likely to bring success. If he left her alone, she’d think the problem into oblivion, and perhaps find a way to pretend nothing had ever happened.

“You,” she continued, breaking into his musings, “can remain over there.”

He raised his eyebrow as he followed the line of her pointed finger to the opposite corner of the cottage. “Really?” he drawled.

“I- I think it’s best,” she stammered.

He shrugged indifferently. “Fine.”

“Fine?” The note of surprise in her voice surprised him. He turned to look at her. Did she really think he wouldn’t accede to her wishes?

“Fine.” And then he stood and began to strip.

“What are you doing?” Her voice rose an octave and Killian glanced at her over his shoulder, a small smile on his face.

“Keeping to my corner,” he replied easily. “Like you told me to.”

“You are taking your clothes off,” she informed him, somehow managing to sound shocked and haughty at the same time.

“Yes,” he agreed. “They’re drenched. As are yours. I suggest you do the same.”

“I most certainly will not.”

A small sound passed her lips as he took his shirt off. He glanced over his shoulder again and was pleased to find her still staring at him, her mouth slightly open.

“Put your shirt back on,” she demanded.

“And catch a chill?” he asked. “I don’t think so, Emma. Besides, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before.” He shrugged, but then a thought occurred to him. “I beg your pardon, no, it isn’t, actually. I didn’t remove anything but my breeches last night, did I?”

“Get out.” Her voice was low and furious.

He glanced out the window at the sheets of rain still coming down. “I think not,” he chuckled. To emphasize his point, a boom of thunder rattled the cottage to its very foundation. “I am afraid, my dear Emma, that you are stuck with me for the duration. You might want to turn around. I’m about to remove my trousers.”

She let out a small squeak - of surprise or outrage, he couldn’t tell - but she turned away from him.

“Oh, you need to get off the blanket. You’re soaking it.”

For a moment, he thought she’d plant her bottom even more firmly against it, just to defy him, but her good sense obviously won out, because she rose and shook off the droplets she’d left behind.

He walked over and grabbed the other blanket for himself. It wasn’t as large as the one she held, but it would do.

“I’m covered,” he informed her once he was back in his corner.

She turned around. Slowly. And with one eye closed.

Killian was sorely tempted to roll his eyes at her. This all seemed rather pointless after what had transpired last night, but if it made her feel better to hold onto the shreds of her maidenly virtue in this way, then so be it.

“You’re shivering.”

“I’m cold.”

“Of course, you are,” he said, thoroughly exasperated. “Your dress is soaked.”

She glared at him.

“Fine. Do what you will, but at least come sit near the fire,” he requested.

She shot him a look of hesitation and this time he did not resist the urge to roll his eyes.

“For heaven’s sake, Emma. I hereby vow not to ravish you. Not this morning and not without your permission.”

She blushed furiously, but she did come closer.

“Warmer?” he asked.

“Quite.”

He stoked the fire in silence for a few moments. When he glanced at her, he saw the lines around her lips had smoothed and her shoulders had also relaxed. Figuring now was as good a time as any, he decided to push her. 

“You never answered my question last night,” he said softly, not looking at her.

“What question was that?”

“I believe I asked you to marry me.”

“No, you didn’t,” she replied, staring at the fire, her voice quite calm. “You informed me that you believed we should be married, and then proceeded to list the reasons why.”

“Is that so?” he mused. “I do believe you’re right, now that I think about it. How remiss of me.”

“Do not take that as an invitation to propose,” she said sharply.

“You would have me waste this fabulously romantic moment?” he asked innocently, or as innocently as he could in his state of undress. He cut his eyes towards her and could just see the twitch of humor at the corner of her mouth.

“Very well,” he acquiesced, “I will not ask you to marry me. No matter that a gentleman would insist upon it after what happened…”

“If you were a gentleman,” she snapped, “it wouldn’t have happened at all.”

“There were two of us involved, Emma,” he reminded her softly.

“I know.” The bitterness of her tone had him biting his tongue and regretting his provocation.

But now that he’d decided to stop needling her, he was left with nothing to say. They stayed there in front of the fire, he surreptitiously watching her, trying to determine if she was chilled. He might hold his tongue to spare her feelings, but if she was endangering her health, well, she knew him better than that. He would never allow it.

Every once in a while she looked like she was going to speak. She’d cut her eyes toward him and open her mouth, but then close it again, a small sigh escaping her. He waited to see if she’d summon the courage to say whatever it was she clearly wanted to say.

Finally she spoke, not looking at him. “I’ll consider it.”

He raised his eyebrow in question, inviting her to elaborate.

“Marrying you,” she clarified, keeping her eyes on the fire before them. “I’ll consider it. But I won’t give you an answer now.”

“You might be carrying my child, even now,” he said softly.

“I’m very much aware of that.” She wrapped her arms around her bent knees as if she was trying to present herself as small a target as she could. “When I have that answer, you’ll have yours.”

Killian swallowed hard. He hadn’t made love to her in an effort to get her pregnant. He sought to make her his through the desire he knew she had for him. And now she was basically telling him that she wouldn’t marry him unless she was pregnant.

“I see.” He was proud of how calm his voice was given the anger surging through his veins. Anger he likely had no right to feel, but it was there anyway and he couldn’t ignore it.

“It’s too bad I promised not to ravish you this morning,” he said, a predatory smile spreading over his lips. Her head whipped around to face him. “We could - how do you say it? - seal the deal.”

“Killian…”

“But would you look at the time?” he cut in, reaching for his coat that contained his pocket watch. “It’s only seven minutes before noon.”

“Why?” she asked. He wasn’t exactly sure what she was asking, but he answered her anyway, with the small bit of truth he couldn’t escape.

“Because I want you to marry me.” He leaned toward her as her eyes widened. “Will you kiss me, Emma?”

She shook her head. They were only five feet away from each other, sitting on the floor, so he crawled over to her.

“Will you allow me to kiss you, Emma?”

She didn’t move. She hardly breathed. He leaned toward her.

“I swore to you I wouldn’t ravish you without your permission,” he reminded her, his words a whisper against her lips. Still she didn’t move. “Will you kiss me, Emma?”

She swayed toward him, and he knew she was his.

As his lips touched hers, Emma was once again wondering about the loss of her sanity. Once again he had asked her permission. Once again, he’d given her ample opportunity to scoot away, reject him, and keep herself at a safe distance.

But once again, she couldn’t deny the warm surge of anticipation and desire within her and how it completely took over her good sense. She wasn’t strong enough to deny the physical desire pulling her to him. Enslaving her to his spell.

He cradled her head in his hands, his lips and teeth nibbling and teasing her own, before his hands brushed down her sides - strong, large hands - inching ever closer to the fire he’d kindled within her with his touch.

“Killian,” she breathed. But it wasn’t a plea for him to stop and they both knew it. It was a plea for him to continue. A plea for him to remind her of what it meant to be a woman, of how it felt to be desired, to feel beautiful.

“Mmmmmm,” he hummed against her neck. His fingers worked down the buttons on the back of her dress, and even with as soaked as it was, he removed it in record time, leaving her in only a thin chemise, made nearly transparent by the rain.

“You are so beautiful,” he whispered, his gaze sweeping up and down her nearly naked body. “I can’t… I don’t…”

He trailed away and Emma looked at his face. The expression was something she’d never seen on his all too familiar face. His throat worked - as if the words he wanted to say were simply too large for him to utter - and she could see the glistening of tears in his eyes. These weren’t just words to him, she realized. He was completely overcome, and the power she felt at that realization nearly overcame her.

He lifted her in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He lowered her back to the floor to remove her chemise and she placed her hand on his naked chest.

“No,” she said, quietly. He froze, his eyes darting back and forth between hers. She spoke again before he could react to her simple statement. “I’ll do it.” Her voice was only a whisper and the panic mixed with displeasure that swirled in his eyes melted into what could only be described as awe.

She couldn’t help herself. She wanted this. Needed this. Wanted and needed him. She knew it was wrong, but she was too wicked to stop. He’d made her wicked and she wanted to revel in it. If she was going to do this, she was going all in. She would take what she needed and hope that when it was over, she would come back to her senses.

*~*~*

*~*~*

She pushed him back onto the bed as he stared at her with eyes of blue fire, his breath stuttered over his parted lips. She stepped back and grabbed the hem of her chemise before she met his hungry gaze.

“Do you want me to take it off?” she whispered.

He nodded. 

“Say it,” she demanded, softly. She wanted to know if he was beyond speech. If she could push him as far as he pushed her. If she could enslave him to his needs as he had her.

“Yes.” His voice came out as a whispered groan, somewhere between desire and desperation and Emma felt the thrill of power wielded race down her spine.

Slowly, deliberately, she edged the hem up, from her knees, over her thighs, to nearly her hips.

“Enough?” she asked coyly, licking her lips.

“More,” he demanded.

Demanded? No, she didn’t like that. She’d be making the demands this time. 

“Beg me,” she whispered.

“More… please, Emma.”

“Now, that’s more like it,” she said in approval. Before raising the chemise over her hips and baring herself to him, she turned around, lifted it over her bottom, up her back, and then over her head.

She could hear his breath, broken and gasping. Could feel it against her skin. But she didn’t turn around. She let out a moan of her own and ran her fingers over her derriere, up her sides, until she cupped her breasts in each hand. He couldn’t see her, but he’d know what she was doing and it would drive him to the brink.

She heard rustling on the bed, the squeak of the bedframe alerting her to his movement.

“Uh, uh, uh,” she admonished him. “Don’t move.”

“Emmmmmaaaaaaa,” he groaned. His voice was closer now. He must have sat up and been just about to reach for her.

“Lie down.”

“Emma. Emma, please,” he begged.

Emma smiled to herself. “Lie down,” she repeated.

He still didn’t move, obviously trying to decide whether to obey her or not. 

“Lie down, if you want me. I won’t tell you again.”

She smiled again as she heard him lay back on the bed. His breath was ragged, and she decided to have mercy on him. She turned, a sultry smile on her lips to see him laid spread out on the bed, his covered cock straining against the fabric.

“That looks uncomfortable,” she said blithely.  “You might want to take them off.”

He hadn’t completely undressed earlier, and now with a grunt, he all but tore his undergarments off.

“Oh, my,” she breathed. She’d meant to infuse her words with playful seduction, but she was too amazed to do so. She hadn’t really seen him the night before, and now, here he was before her - strong, lean, and powerful. He was, quite simply, magnificent.

“Very nice,” she purred. She knew she was playing a dangerous game, pushing him to his limit, but she reveled in her power over him and wasn’t ready to let it go just yet.

“Emma… enough.”

“You answer to me, Killian Jones,” she demanded, finally meeting his tortured gaze. “If you want me, you can have me. But I am in charge.”

“Emma, please…”

“I do love it when you beg,” she said. “Those are my terms. What say you?”

She stood before him just out of reach and watched the emotions parade over his face. He finally lay back, still mostly upright, leaned against the wall of the cottage, his eyes twin pools of desire. 

“Much better,” she said. “Now what should I do first?” She raised her finger to her chin as if pondering the mysteries of the universe.

“Come here,” he answered gruffly.

“Not quite yet,” she replied. She smiled when his gaze settled on her breasts. He inhaled harshly, his hands clenching and opening again in his agitation. Her nipples hardened even more under his admiration. She cupped herself, offering them up as choicest offerings. “Is this what you want?”

“You know what I want,” he growled. His pupils were completely blown and he clenched at the blanket underneath him.

“Mmm, yes,” she agreed. “But what about in the meantime? Good things come to those who wait, after all.” He groaned in frustration and Emma smiled again. “I wonder what would happen if I did this…” She rolled her nipples between her fingers, shots of pleasure going down her spine at the motion. “I like it,” she said, surprised. She’d never touched herself like this before. Never considered touching herself this way before. And with Killian as her captive audience.

“Oh, my God,” he moaned, throwing his head back, the muscle in his jaw twitching like mad.

“I had no idea I could do this,” she said, arching her back.

“I can do it better,” he groaned.

“Oh, I have no doubt,” she agreed. “Can you promise me something?” She gave her nipples one final roll between her fingers and then stopped and looked at him.

“Anything.”

She moved toward the bed and swatted his hand away when he reached for her.

“Ah, ah, ah,” she chided him. “Nothing more. You may do what I say - exactly what I say - and nothing more.” She climbed up on the bed and crawled on all fours, Killian beneath her, until their faces were only inches apart. He nodded with a jerk. “One hand,” she said. “You may touch me with one hand.”

With a groan that sounded like it was ripped from the depths of his soul, he reached for her. His single hand was enough to hold her entire breast. “Oh, my God,” he moaned as he squeezed her. “Both hands, please, Emma,” he begged.

She couldn’t resist him. Just that single touch was enough to kindle an inferno within her. She nodded, not able to speak, and then he was there, both hands caressing, kneading, squeezing, whipping her into a frenzy.

“Do what I did,” she breathed. A slow smile curled his lips and she realized that she might not be as in command as she thought she was. But he did as she said and rolled her nipples between his fingers. As promised, he was better at it.

Her body bucked and she almost collapsed on top of him. “Take me in your mouth,” she ordered. But her voice no longer held any authority. She was begging and they both knew it.

“Come lower, so I can reach you,” he whispered as he slid down the wall until he was laid out on the mattress. She did, and his lips just barely touched her. His hands grabbed her ribcage and brought her further down so he could have his leisurely way with her. He licked, and laved, and nipped, and suckled, until she was nothing but a bundle of sensation. 

She was going to climax just from this, she was sure. But before the knot inside her could burst in exquisite release, he lightly kissed both nipples and spoke. “What would you like now, milady?” he asked politely. “More of this?” He kissed both breasts, swirling his tongue around both nipples wickedly. “Or something else?”

“Something else,” she gasped. She wasn’t ready to fall yet, wanting to draw out the sublime pleasure for a while longer.

“I am yours to command,” he said, just a hint of mocking in his words. “What do you want me to do to you?”

“I want… I want…” She was gasping for breath and couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Shall I offer you some options?”

She nodded.

He trailed a single finger down her torso until he nearly reached the center of her, where the fire blazed the hottest. “I could touch you here,” he said in a whisper, “Or, if you prefer, I could kiss you.”

Emma caught her breath. 

“But that presents new questions,” he continued. “Do you lie down and allow me to kneel between your legs, or do you lower yourself down to my mouth? Decisions, decisions,” he mused.

She didn’t know. His fingers probed her and Emma threw her head back in ecstasy, a keening cry ripping from her mouth.

“So, those are our options,” he said, never halting his sure and firm touch. “Or, we could proceed on to the main course.” His other hand guided her down to where he was hard and waiting for her. “You could ride me. Have you ever done that?”

She shook her head.

“Would you like to?”

She nodded.

He grasped her hips and lowered her down until she hovered over his red and weeping cock. “Are you ready for me?” he asked.

She nodded again. “Killian, please.”

“Oh, you beg so nicely, my sweet Emma,” he crooned, lining himself up with her opening. She tried to move her body to take him inside, but he grasped her hips tightly, stopping her progress. “Not too fast,” he said. “Let me move you.” He exerted gentle pressure, edging her down until she felt the stretch of him inside her, so much more than the night before. He felt huge.

“Good?” he asked. 

She nodded. 

“More?” 

She nodded again.

He continued the torturous movement, sliding her onto him, stealing her breath, her voice, her very sanity.

“Slide up and down,” he commanded her softly. Her eyes flew to his. “You can do it, Emma,” he said. “I promise.”

She did as he bade, testing the motion, moaning at the pleasure. She looked down and was surprised to see that he wasn’t completely within her.

“Take all of me,” he urged her.

“I can’t.” And she couldn’t. She was so full right now as they were, he couldn’t possibly fit. 

He tightened his grip on her hips and arched his own only slightly, until with astonishing quickness, he embedded himself completely within her. Emma could barely breathe.

“Oh, my God,” he groaned. She sat atop him, not knowing exactly what to do, simply rocking back and forth. His breath came in fits and starts and he began to writhe beneath her. She grasped his shoulders to hold on, to keep her seat, and as she did, she began to move up and down, to take control, to seek pleasure for herself.

“Killian! Oh, Killian!” she cried. He thrust into her at a maddening pace when her strength failed. Every muscle within her tightened. She released his shoulders as her body straightened, and then she screamed as her world quite simply ripped apart.

Beneath her, Killian exploded. His face contorted, his body lifted them both from the bed, and she could feel the throbbing inside that told her he was pouring himself into her. Her name was on his lips, over and over again, like a prayer, decreasing in volume until it was only a whisper into her temple.

“Lie with me.”

She did. And she slept. 

For the first time in days, she slept deeply and truly. And the entire time, Killian held her in his arms, his lips at her temple, his hand in her hair. 

Whispering her name. And other words as well.

*~*~*

Thank you for reading and sharing! Next ch will be up Friday night before I go to bed.

[aurora-babydoll]

𝕿𝖎𝖙𝖑𝖊: 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕮𝖆𝖌𝖊 𝖂𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝕮𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 𝟔.𝟑𝖐 𝕿𝖂: 𝖆𝖑𝖈𝖔𝖍𝖔𝖑 𝖚𝖘𝖊, 𝖋𝖊𝖒!𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗, 𝖔𝖗𝖆𝖑 (𝖒), 𝖋𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖓���� (𝖋), 𝖕𝖓𝖛, 𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖌, 𝖉𝖊𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 (𝖎𝖋 𝕴 𝖒𝖎𝖘𝖘𝖊𝖉 𝖆𝖓𝖞𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖑𝖒𝖐) 𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗: 𝕸𝖆𝖒𝖒𝖔𝖓

Anybody who knew Simeon loved him. Yes, he wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box but gods, was the man sweet. Chivalrous. Simeon was the type of man to open the door for any woman who passed him, lay his jacket down over a puddle for a stranger, give the clothes off his back, and protect anybody who needed it. He fit the angel title. And everyone you meet cannot seem to shut up about how lucky you must be to have him as a big brother; how grateful you must be for his protection. That, however, couldn’t be further from your feelings on the situation.

To everyone else, Simeon was perfect. To you, he was an annoying thorn in your side. He was messy. He always left his dirty socks wherever he felt like taking them off, he never cleaned up after himself when he made a mess eating. He was rude. He would flick your ear or smack you on the back of the head whenever he passed you to watch the smoke blow out of your ears. But worst of all, Simeon was far too overprotective of you.

Having one of the celestial realm's most powerful angels as an older brother was unfortunate. Anytime you brought a boy home, they’d run away with piss running down their leg within the hour. Sometimes there’d be one tougher than the others that he couldn’t scare off. For those, he’d just tell all of the embarrassing stories he had of you until they broke up with you. 

“Why do you have to chase them all off?”, you’d cry, beating your older brother's chest with your fists. And he’d just smile and put a hand on your head. 

“If they’re scared off that easily, they aren’t worthy of you. It’s my job to protect you. I’m not passing on that responsibility to some idiot who runs away at a couple of glares and embarrassing stories. You’ll find it someday.”

Overprotective, messy, annoying, yes. But he was still your older brother. And you loved him despite those unfortunate qualities, so you did your best to listen, regardless of your feelings on whatever disagreement was this week's topic. This one in particular included something you had been envious of since you realized where he was disappearing to. Parties. A topic that you just couldn’t stop yourself from arguing with him about.

You didn’t know what happened at these parties, your brother would always keep that a secret. But you were grown up too now. You wanted the experience, you’d never been to a real party before- unless you counted the birthday parties he used to throw for you as a young angel- which you didn’t. You just knew your brother would always be home the morning after, nursing a hangover and talking to a friend on the phone about some kind of “cage”. You had no idea what that meant, but you were curious. So who could blame you for begging Simeon to go?

“Hell no, you’re not going to that party”, he laughed, the idea so absurd to him that it was almost funny. “It isn’t safe at all. Plus, you’re new to visiting the devildom, you’d have a hard time getting in anyway.”

“I’m sure I could get in if I was with you! You’re there constantly, the people who run whatever it is have to know you by now right?”, you argue, a small pout lining your lips.

“No way, I’m not taking you. It’s too dangerous, it won’t be good for you. And you need to be studying, not drinking your little head off at a party.”, he shook his head, continuing to unkemptly stuff clothes into a duffle bag. 

You roll your eyes. “What could be so dangerous about a stupid little party?”

Your brother laughed and gave you a look that said “you just said the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”, before zipping up the duffle bag and slinging it over his left shoulder.

“I have to go now, Micheal wants me back in the celestial realm for a meeting. Stay safe. And if I find out anything about you going to any type of party you won’t hear the end of it. You’re gonna stay home all weekend and study. End of story. And I’ll have Solomon and Thirteen checking on you too.” You rolled your eyes once more and crossed your arms, letting a huff escape from your lips. 

“Fine”, you muttered, before looking at him with your best fake “I’m sorry” face. “Have a safe trip, please.”

He smiled and pulled you into a hug. “You got it, hun. I’ll be fine”. He pulled away and opened the front door. “Stay safe, okay? I love you.”

You smiled back, “I love you too”.

But as the door closed behind him, the smile turned to a smirk. “Y’know what? I'll end the story”, you muttered, pulling out your phone and dialing a number you knew all too well.

“Hey, girl! What’s up? I was gonna call you later tonight, Simeon asked me to check on you”, the bubbly voice of the reaper, Thirteen, filled your ears. You smiled as you responded.

“Hey! I just wanted to ask you for a favor, Simeon is being so unreasonable today…”

“That’s odd, usually he gives you whatever you want— what’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you knew anything about those parties he goes to. He’s so secretive about them and when I asked to go along with him he was talking to me like I was stupid.”

Thirteen’s laugh rang through your ears over the phone. “Oh, honey, I promise, you do not want to go to those parties. They’re dangerous- and it always smells awful.”

“What could be so dangerous about a stupid party? I didn’t think you’d be as boring as Simeon”, you groaned, flopping down on the couch in a huff as you continued your phone conversation.

Thirteen gasped in offense. “Okay, rude. I am not boring, I just don’t think it’s a good idea. They’re not just parties, honey. You have no idea what it is?”, she questioned in disbelief.

“No, he’s always so secretive. I just know that he smells like booze when he gets home and talks on the phone to some guy about a cage.”

“Yeah honey, I’m surprised you haven’t put it together. They’re death cage parties. Simeon goes to them to relieve stress from having to watch over you and the chihuahua.”

Your mouth fell open in disbelief. You knew that in private your brother wasn’t exactly a model citizen, but illegal parties? No, there was no way. He was an angel, how could he be caught dead in a place like that?

“Really? I didn’t think he was cool– when’s the next one? I want to go!”

“No, absolutely not”, Thirteen declined through the phone. “If I told you the address, Simeon would kill me. You’re his baby sister, I’m supposed to be checking up on you, not sending you to illegal death parties.”

You sighed in response. “Come on, Thirteen, please! He doesn’t have to know. And I’ve always thought of you like a cool older sister, don’t get all boring on me now.”

Thirteen paused in thought for a moment. “Ugh, okay fine. But only because I love you. And Simeon cannot find out about this. I’ll send you the address now, the next party’s on Saturday night. But I’m not going to be there so you have to promise me you’ll stay safe, okay?”

You squealed in happiness.”Thank you, Thirteen, you’re the best! I’ll keep myself out of trouble, I know how to be cool…one more thing though, what is a death cage?”

Thirteen laughed. “You’ll figure it out once you get there.”

Though you were puzzled, you smiled and hung up the phone, an address in your messages moments later. You’d show your brother. You’re an adult, you can go to whatever party you want, dangerous or not. Gone were the days of being lonely in your brothers’ shadow, you could do this.

Saturday rolled around and you had more than prepared yourself. You dressed in a little pink party dress, and minimal makeup with the hopes of blending into the crowd. It wasn’t so scary, after all, you knew the devildom well at this point. And if there was an emergency, you were sure you could call one of the demon brothers, they’d grown quite fond of you, and you couldn’t imagine them allowing you to get hurt. You stuffed your phone, lipgloss, and a condom (just in case) into your bag before heading out into the streets of the devildom, alone for the first time since your arrival.

When you first arrived, an angel in a strange land, you were scared of the big, dark open sky, and the alleys where demons lurked. On your first walk to the house of lamentation, you were practically shaking, gripping your brother's hand like a frightened little girl. But as you roamed the streets in the direction of the party, the fear that you used to have for the devildom was completely absent. The place that you had such a strong fear of soon became like a second home to you. If you were honest, you felt like you belonged there more than in the devildom. 

The deep black skies that used to frighten you, you could only view them as beautiful now. Any time you’d look up at them, memories of stargazing with Belphie would swirl in your mind. Once terrifying alleyways were now fond thoughts of the time you and Mammon ran through the streets away from Lucifer after you had scammed him out of his wallet. Beautiful lights swirled around in the streets as you walked down them, feeling secure even though you were all by yourself for the first time.

However, as you approached the address of the party, the feelings of familiarity and safety began to fade. A faint smell of gasoline filled your nose as you approached a large, metal gate. There was a haze of purplish-gray fog that expanded over your white heels. You could hear faint devildom rock music coming from somewhere within the gate. Nervously, you stepped into line.

You pulled your fake devildom ID out of your purse. Asmodeus gave it to you on your first week here. “Just in case you wanna have some fun”, he had said with a wink. It really was a perfect fake. The bouncer looked at it as you handed it to him and gave you a once-over.

“I don’t recognize ya. Never been here before?”, he asked, handing the ID back to you.

“No, some of my friends invited me. They’re waiting for me inside, said it’ll be fun.” 

He chuckled at your reply. “I’m sure it will, little lady”, he said, opening the gate to let you in. “Have fun.”

Once he was out of sight, you did a silent victory dance, glad that your scheme had worked. You’d have to thank Asmo at a later date. You slipped the ID back into your purse as you took in your surroundings. An open patch of grass with a large tent near the front that appeared to be selling alcohol and food, the area dimly lit with purple and blue stage lights on the floor every couple of feet. You did your best to ignore all of the obvious safety hazards that they posed and continued into the venue. There was a DJ booth where some demons that you didn’t recognize danced. Okay, you could handle this. It just seems like a bar in a less formal setting, you can handle— oh. 

Up until this moment, you had completely forgotten what the party was about. But there was no way of forgetting now as a large circular cage in the center of the grass overtook your vision. It had its own set of stage lights, these ones yellow and white. A large dirt path stretched up to a platform which led into the cage. You noticed tire tracks in the dirt but you couldn’t tell where they came from. You hadn’t bothered to look up exactly what a ‘death cage’ entailed, but you were sure that whatever it was couldn’t lead to actual death. And if it did seem scary, nobody was there to force you to participate in it. You told yourself you’d be alright as you made your way over to the bar to order a drink.

“I’ll have a trashcan, please?”, you requested. The bartender nodded at you and you moved to wait in line. As you took your spot, a large hand grabbed your shoulder.

Fear shrouded your nerves as you turned around to face the man behind you. A black motorcycle helmet hid his face from you. He was head to toe in black leather, yellow lines adorning the cuffs of his sleeves and the top of his bike helmet. The gloved hand gripped your shoulder tighter, you felt it sting with pain.

“What in the fuck are you doing here?”, a familiar voice spoke from behind the helmet. You let out a sigh of relief at the sound. 

“Don’t fucking scare me like that, Mammon, you gave me a heart attack”, you scolded, pushing his hand off your shoulder.

“Good. That is the least scary thing about this place, you shouldn’t be here. If Simeon knew you were here he’d have my head on a spike”, Mammon chided. “Come on, I’ll call you a cab, you’re goin’ home.”

You shook your head. “No way, I’m an adult, I can be here if I want. Simeon’s not my keeper, I’d actually argue that I’m stronger than him. I can handle it, I’m staying.”

Mammon snarled and lifted up the visor on his helmet. “I’m not gonna tell you again, doll, you gotta go. Look at me”, he ordered, roughly grabbing your chin. “I’m dead serious, you can’t handle it here.” He leaned in towards you and whispered. “These are some of the devildom’s harshest demons, if they found out you were an angel they’d eat you for breakfast. They only tolerate Simeon. You need to leave.”

You huffed and dug the toe of your heel into the dirt. “For the last time, Mammon, I’m not going anywhere. I’m sick of everyone coddling me like I’m in the same ranks as the chihuahua. I’m grown.” You turned to grab your drink, taking a sip. “Now I’m gonna go dance”, you smiled and began walking away.

Mammon growled and grabbed your hand, pulling you back towards him. “Fine. You can stay”, he agreed.

You laughed and gave him a fake smile. “Aww that’s good, see how easy-”, you tried to speak but he quickly cut you off. 

“I didn’t finish. You can stay if you get in the cage.”

Your face twisted in shock. He couldn’t be serious. You didn’t even have a clue what the cage was and now you were just supposed to walk into it blindly? Hell no.

“No, I’m staying, but I’m not doing all that”, you laughed nervously, taking another sip of your drink.

Mammon smirked. “Oh, but if you don’t I’ll have to make sure your brother and Lucifer find out about our little runnin’ into each 0ther. We wouldn’t want that now, huh? I’ve seen Simeon when he’s angry, lemme tell ya, not a pretty sight.”

You looked down. He was right. The last time your brother got mad at you he went straight to Micheal. If he found out about this he’d more than likely clip your wings. You going with Simeon to the devildom was meant to be strictly for educational purposes. A fact that Mammon was now dangling over your head.

However, you felt this need to prove yourself to the demon in front of you. You were a big girl, you could handle a party. And what could possibly be so bad about a cage? You knew Mammon, he would never force you into anything that could result in you getting injured. What’s the worst that could happen?

“Y’know what? Fine. I’ll get in the cage”, you agreed. 

Mammon laughed. “Oh doll, you’re gonna regret sayin’ yes to this. Go get in the cage, if you don’t cry too hard, I’ll let ya stay.”

Well, it was now or never, and you had no choice. If your brother found out you were at this party, you were sure he’d get so angry he’d turn into a demon who’s power could rival even Lucifer. You shuddered at the thought of being subjected to Simeon’s wrath. No stupid cage at a stupid demon party could possibly be scarier than that. So, with a lump in your throat ever growing, you stepped into the cage. “Now wha-”, you turned around to talk to Mammon, but he had disappeared. You were alone in a cage in the center of the party. Curious demons gathered around, looking in to see you, murmuring something about how crazy you were to get in there. You noticed they were leaving space for the dirt path that lead up to the cage. You had no clue what was waiting to come down that path towards you, mind searching for a worst case scenario, but you truly had no idea what you were about to come into contact with.

The whir of a motorcycle engine pulled you out of your thoughts. You whipped around to see a large black motorcycle at the end of the path. You couldn’t see who was on it, headlights that stared you down like prey blocking your vision, but regardless, you knew. Mammon.

You could hear his laugh as he revved the engine once more. “No”, you thought. Surely, he wasn’t going to drive into the cage. That could put both of you in danger, what the hell was he-

Before you could finish your thought, he was speeding towards you faster than anything you’d ever seen. You gasped and covered your face and head, bracing for impact. But the impact never came. He sped into the cage, driving the motorcycle up the side and across the ceiling. If you weren’t busy being so terrified, you would take the time to be in awe of how he controlled the bike, his power on it more than impressive. 

You shivered and trembled in fear as he drove around you at criminally fast speeds. The way Mammon was laughing as he did tricks felt so taunting, tears of embarrassment and fear threatened to spill from your eyes, no matter how hard you tried to keep your cool.

Soon, he began to slow down. You breathed a sigh of relief, it’d be over soon. Oh how wrong you were. After about a minute of slow riding in a circle around you, the bike sped to life once more. You could hear Mammon cackle at the panicked squeaky gasp that escaped your throat, a few tears beginning to slide down your cheeks.

“Hey princess, watch this!”, Mammon shouted through his helmet as he drove circles around the sides of the cage. He slowed down by a margine and suddenly, one of his hands was on your waist, circling your body as he went around the cage.

You felt like everything was going in slow motion as you watched him, his gloved hand tracing your body with such care despite the fast pace of the bike. The fears that swelled in your stomach was slowly dulled, his hand on you in such away forcing them to be with another emotion. 

An overwhelming desire engulfed your body as his hand slid up your side. You had never been touched in such a way. It was only now that, despite the situation, you realized just how attractive Mammon looked in his biker gear. Your mind travelled to sinful places as you imagined what it would look like coming off. Feelings of lust quelled your mind as the thick air from the bike exhaust filled your nostrils. And just as all of the fear in your body, dissipated did everything stop. 

Mammon's bike slowed next to you and he kicked down the brake. He flipped up the visor on his helmet, a smirk gracing his features as the gloved hand that was just touching your body reached up to swipe a tear from your cheek. 

“You okay, angelface?”, he asked, making a point to stare you down as he licked your tears from his finger. 

Normally, you’d scold him and call him gross, but right now you were only focused on the sinful feeling in your gut. You could’ve sworn you had hearts in your eyes as you spoke. 

“Take me home, Mammon”, you said. He interpreted your words as you being afraid. But that was far from what you meant. You wanted him to take you home and then you wanted him to take you.

He laughed and patted the back of the bike, taking the helmet off of his head and securing it onto yours. You got onto the motorcycle behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist.

“Am I doing this right? I’ve only seen things like this in movies.”

He snorted in response. “You’re fine, princess”, he said, lifting the brake as you bit your lip at the nickname. “Hold on tight.”

And you were off, speeding away from the party as the wind blew against you. You held tight onto Mammon’s waist and rested your head on the back of his shoulder. You felt exhilarated as the wind blew against you at such a high speed. You knew you’d look deshelved once you arrived home but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. In fact, you hoped you’d look more of a wreck later that night.

He parked the bike in front of purgatory hall and turned the key, the bikes engine thrumming to a stop. He got off of the bike and helped you down, taking his helmet off your head. He expected to see a look of exasperated fear on your face, but that wasn’t what he got at all. He knew what plenty of your faces meant. Furrowed brow and a pout, angry. Wobbly lip and downward eyes, sad. Bright eyes that seemed to sparkle and a smile, happy. But this face was new.

“Thank you, Mammon…I should’ve listened to you”, you admitted. Your voice seemed to quiver with fear as you squeezed his hand but your face said something else. 

“Do you want to come in?”, you asked, lip between your teeth.

Oh? Oh.

Now Mammon understood what that look meant. He knew that if he went inside, Mammon would kill him. He knew that if he went inside, your relationship could change. He knew that if he went inside, he’d have to explain where he was to Lucifer tomorrow morning. But as you moved in closer towards him, he couldn’t bring himself to care about that. The only thing he cared about anymore was getting that tiny dress off of you and on your bedroom floor.

He smiled at you, sharp fangs glistening as he pulled you in. “Thought you’d never ask, doll”, he smirked, tossing you over his shoulder and walking you into the house.

“Mammon!”, you exclaimed, trying to pull your dress back down. “What if Solomon sees?”

Mammon snorted. “Let him watch for all I care. You have no idea how long I’ve been waitin’ for this.”

Mammon unlocked the front door and walked in, you still in tow over his shoulder. Purgatory Hall was usually rather quiet at such a late hour, but of course, there Solomon was. 

“Mammon, what’re you doing with my apprentice?”, he asked, sipping on his cup of tea.

“Well- ya see- …don’t tell Simeon-”, was about all Mammon could say, before carrying you to your room and locking the door behind him. You laughed as he set you down.

“What happened to ‘let him watch’?”, you asked, still giggling as Mammon blushed.

“Oh shut up. I should be the only one getting to see you like that. I’m your first”, Mammon reminded you.

“...Was it that obvious that I haven’t done this before?”, you questioned, looking down at the floor in embarrassment.

“Wha- hey, no-”, he gently gripped your chin, forcing you to look him in the eyes. “I had no idea, princess. I was talking about our pact. But now that you say that, are you sure that you wanna do this? Not to sound sappy, but I care ‘bout ya. I know purity is a big thing for you angels, don’t wanna take that from you if you ain’t ready.”

You smiled and turned your head slightly to kiss his palm. “Yes, Mammon, I’m sure. And the fact that you even bothered to ask that makes me even more sure of my decision. I want you, I always have.”

He growled playfully, grinning at you before pulling you into a kiss. You had been kissed before, sure, but this was different. You felt safe as he pulled you into it, lips locking together so perfectly. It felt like you belonged with him, belonged to him. Like your soul was made for his and as if he was gently sucking it from your body with every swipe of his tongue across your bottom lip.

He gently pushed you down onto your bed as he began kissing along the apex of your neck. You let out a sigh, hands grabbing at his white locks, a gasp escaping your lips as he bit at your collarbone.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to hear that sound all night”, he groaned, one of his knees sliding up between your legs.

“Gonna make ya feel real good, pretty girl”, he promised, gently beginning to move his knee in a circle as it pressed against your panties before biting your neck again.

The moan that escaped your lips was positively whorish. “Fuck, Mammon-.”

He smirked. “Can already feel how wet you are, pretty, y’gonna make a big mess? Seem like such a saint, but you're just a sloppy lil girl, huh?”

You nodded, grinding your hips down against him. “Mammon please- I need you.”

He laughed, pulling back slightly to pull his jacket off, discarding it on your bedroom floor. “Bet ya do, pretty girl. Need big bad demon cock to be satisfied, huh? Don’t care about angel purity as long as you got your man?”

You shook your head, tugging at the hem of his shirt. “Don’t need nothin’, just you, Mammon.”

“Fuck, doll, you don’t know whatcha do to me”, he bit his lip, before stripping down to his boxers. “I’m so hard for ya, baby.”

You sat up, admiring the length in his pants before looking up at him. “Can I make it better for you, Mammon?”

He groaned, palming himself while looking down at you as if you were his next meal. “Can’t take it when you say my name like that, doll- ya wanna make it better? How bout you show me what that pretty lil mouth can do?”

“Please- I don’t care how I get it, I just want you”, you begged, looking at him with hearts in your eyes. You felt like you were intoxicated, drunk on the man in front of you. “Mammon, Mammon, Mammon, wanna make him feel good”, was about all you could think. You wanted to feel him everywhere.

“I know ya want it, baby, but we gotta go slow. Don’t wanna hurt my pretty doll too bad…not yet anyways”, he smiled, pulling you closer as he took his cock out from his boxers.

You had seen porn before, sure, but nothing you had ever seen before could compare to this. Mammon’s dick was large, thick, and had a jacobs ladder piercing going down it. You salivated at the sight, taking your lip between your teeth at the thought of having him inside you.

“Come on, baby, take it…just be careful of those teeth, ‘kay?”, he encouraged, stroking his cock. You bent down, looking up at him as if he were a god, before taking the tip into your mouth. The taste of precum on your tongue was tart, but not unpleasant, as you fought to take him further down your throat, slowly making your way down his shaft. You left little lip gloss rings on his cock as you took it down your throat, gagging as his cock hit the back of your throat. 

He gently gripped your hair. “Careful, baby, take it slow”, he reminded, using the hair he gripped to guide your movement. “Bob your head baby, that's it”, he instructed, groaning as you got your bearings.

You moaned around his length, slowly beginning to enjoy the fluid motion of his hips rocking into your mouth as you took as much of him as you could, breathing through your nose. You felt dizzy, like the world was spinning, but you still focused on Mammon. He looked beautiful like this. You had always had a crush on him, sure, but this new sight had you feeling your heartbeat in your clit. White and gold hair was now a mess on his head, little beads of sweat blossomed from his brow, face flushed from pleasure. He had one hand in your hair and the other over his mouth but you could still hear every moan and groan of praise and pleads for more.

“Fuck, doll- I’m gonna cum, y’think you can swallow it all f’me?”, Mammon asked, words coming out in breathless whimpers as he tried to keep his hips still. You nodded, trying your best to keep from gagging as he jutted into your throat. He tugged your hair, cumming down your throat and sending a shiver down your spine. The taste wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it was tolerable, so you let the hot liquid travel down your throat as you swallowed before pulling off, breathing in fully for the first time in 6 minutes. “Fuck baby, so good, did such a good job”, he praised, hands coming down from your hair to stroke your cheek. “Such a good girl for me.”

You smiled tiredly as you leaned into his hand, basking in the praise, head still spinning. “Don’t think we’re done, princess. I still gotta get that sinful lil dress off’a ya”, he smirked, putting his dick away before pulling you up towards him and unceremoniously ripping off your dress. You gasped, hands instinctively coming up to cover your tits. He clicked his teeth.

“Dontcha be hidin’ from me now, doll. Wanna see it all, c’mere”, he instructed, taking your hands away from your chest and flipping you down onto your back. He pinned your wrists above your head, looking up and down your body, admiring every curve and edge.

“Just when I thought you couldn’t get more beautiful…fuck”, he praised, gripping both your wrists in one of his hands as his other traveled down to your breasts. You moaned as he cupped your tit, gently playing with your nipple as he watched your face contort in pleasure.

“Mammon- stop teasing- want you in me”, you begged, a pout on your lips as you spread your legs under him.

He chuckled. “Oh my sinful little doll, dontcha worry ‘bout that. I’m gonna fuck you so good you forget your own name”, he promised, his hand traveling down between your legs, two calloused fingers circling your clit. You moaned at the touch, hips coming off the bed in search of more. You’d never felt anything like this before, it felt so different from your own fingers, so much better.

“So wet for me down here, huh, babe? Haven’t even taken your panties off and my fingers are soaked”, he teased, applying more pressure to your clit as you whined for his touch.

“Please- wan’ ‘em off- need you”, you begged, nails digging into his hand as he held yours down.

“Don’t gotta tell me twice, pretty girl”, he chuckled, pulling your panties off and tossing them to the floor, making a mental note to pocket them later.

“Fuck baby, got the most pretty pussy I’ve ever seen. You’re just perfect everywhere, huh?”, he exalted as he slipped two fingers in. How wet you were made the stretch easy but the foreign feeling had you near climax before he had even really done anything, the wind knocked out of you.

“Feels so good- please Mammon”, you begged as he began moving his fingers, pressing into the spongy spot inside you.

“What baby, tell me whatcha want. Wanna hear you say it”, he ordered, curling his fingers in just the right way that had you seeing stars.

“Need you to fuck me, Mammon, please-”, you begged, nails scratching down his back, making him groan.

“Fuck baby, course ya do. I’m gonna make you feel so fucking good, gonna never want another cock”, he promised, taking off his boxers and spreading your legs. 

“‘M gonna go slow, ‘kay baby? Wanna make sure you’re feelin’ good, tell me if I hurt ya, yeah?”

You nod, pulling him closer. “Please, Mammon, I don’t care if it hurts- I just want you in me-”, you beg.

He chuckled, tugging you up by your hair to whisper in your ear. “I’m gonna make you regret sayin’ that, angelface.”

And with no other warning, he was sliding into you. The stretch was only mildly uncomfortable, the pleasure that filled your body and mind distracting you. You could see that Mammon was huge but he felt even bigger inside of you, he was all you could feel. And when you looked up, he was all you could see. He completely enveloped your senses in the best way possible. It felt like he turned your brain off with a single thrust.

Despite his prior statement, he did give you a moment to adjust to his size, checking every aspect of you for even a slight discomfort. As much as he wanted to mess you up, make you cry, ruin you for every other man, he loved you. If you could manage to focus, the hearts in his eyes would be clear as day. He wanted to break you apart and piece you back together.

“There we fuckin’ go, princess. Knew you could take it. Such a pretty lil’ angel slut”, he praised, thrusts growing more rapid as you left nail marks in his shoulders and down his back.

Your mind was dizzy with the pleasure and you had never heard such whorish sounds before, let alone from out of your mouth. Just minutes ago you thought his fingers inside of you felt big but this was another level and controlling yourself in any capacity was impossible. Suddenly, the angelic oath, everything you’d learned about saving yourself, anything your brother had told you were disappeared from your mind. All that mattered now was that you were Mammon’s. 

“Fuck Mammon, please-”, you begged without fully understanding what you were asking for. But Mammon knew.

“Fuck yeah, princess, I know what you need”, he assured, one hand moving down to rub your clit and the other wrapping around your neck, pressing into the sides to gently cut off blood flow, making your head spin. 

All of the added pleasure had your climax approaching faster than it ever had, completely overtaking your thoughts. Mammon smirked down at you, knowing what was about to come next before you had ever realized.

“There we go, baby, never seen such a pretty face on ya- can feel you squeezin’ on me, baby, feels so fuckin’ good. Come on, angel, cum on this cock”, he ordered, voice slurring as he was completely drunk on the feeling of your walls around him, yet still trying to appear cocky; that’s just who Mammon is. 

A wave of pleasure crashed into you like a freight train. Your legs wrapped around Mammon’s waist, pulling him in deeper as you came around his cock, walls pulsating. Mammon had fucked other people, sure, but nothing had ever felt like this. You squeezed his cock like a warm wet vice, and he swore that he’d never want for anything else.

“Gonna cum in ya, princess, gonna fill you up so good”, he swore before pumping his release into you, painting your gummy walls white before pulling out to admire his work.

“Damn, angel. You look beautiful no matter which hole I cum in”, he laughed before laying down next to you and pulling you into his arms. He brushed the hair stuck to your forehead with sweat out of your face and pressed a kiss to your temple.

“Did you have a good first time, angel? I didn’t mean all that shit ‘bout you bein’ a slut, promise”, he assured, holding you tight.

You were too tuckered out to respond, the past hour still making your head spin. You simply nodded and laid your head on his chest. Mammon swore he couldn’t feel more in love than he did right now.

“Get some sleep angel, I’ll clean us up”, he promised. And that was about all it took for you to pass out on his chest. 

Once Mammon had you both cleaned up, he laid back down with you, holding you and admiring your beauty as you slept. His afterglow was quickly interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Simeon’s gonna kill you”, Solomon spoke through the door. But Mammon didn’t care. You were his now. And he’d get murdered by a powerful angel a thousand times over to keep you.

[jungle-angel]

Take it Easy (Rhett Abbott x Reader)

Summary: Stress is really getting to you, but luckily, your husband knows what to do

You were stressed out beyond words, the ache in your neck and the side of your head practically throbbing. Your eyes burned with the onset of tears and felt as though they were going to pop right out of your head. 

It has started at the hippie school you taught at, your eighth graders on edge from the onset of spring fever, the stress of having to plan main lesson blocks for the next three months and meetings with the other teachers and staff. You were so dead set on getting everything in on time that you had forgotten to eat lunch and during the last hour of the day, you had mixed up the dismissal time and nearly sent everyone home too early. 

Everything just kept piling up, the stress from school, you and Rhett trying to keep up with the ranch work and everything else in between. You wanted nothing more than to run across the street to the church, hide in the confessional and just cry. 

On the way home, you had gotten a text from Royal stating that Diesel had wound up on the wrong side of a porcupine encounter. You had begun to wonder how that loveable ding-dong of a Rottweiler managed to get himself into shit like that and only have to spend one night at the vet’s. 

You pulled the truck to a stop and parked it in front of the garage, practically stumbling up to the door and hanging your bag up in the mudroom. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. The tears started to flow, your body aching horribly and your eyes and throat burning with emotion. 

You parked it at the kitchen table, burying your face in hour arms as a shuddering sob broke you from all around. You didn’t even notice the sound of wheels on the driveway gravel, the shutting of another truck door or the door in the mudroom opening and shutting. 

“Darlin?” Rhett called. “Sweetheart? (Y/n) you in here?” 

You wearily lifted your head, your lips reddened along with your eyes and your neck sorer than ever. You couldn’t even croak out a response, not even when he saw the sorry look on your face. Rhett dropped his backpack near the island counter and made his way over to the table, taking your hand in his, waiting for you to say something. But when you didn’t, Rhett knew something was wrong. 

“You wanna talk about it?” he asked. 

You nodded a little. 

“Alright darlin,” he said, inching a little closer. “You go first.” 

You told him everything, how exhausted you felt, the worry that was on your mind and everything else that had been eating you since early that morning. Rhett took you right into his arms and held you as your tears stained his shirt. 

“Baby I’m sorry,” he murmured. 

“I’m just so stressed,” you croaked. 

“I know,” Rhett replied, pressing his lips against your forehead. “I know. I had a rough day too.” 

You listened as Rhett told you about a little fiasco that had happened earlier in the afternoon when he had been helping Father O’Keefe down at St. Mike’s. The youth pastor had called out sick and Rhett had offered to fill in even though Rhett didn’t usually help until Sunday after services. Well, sure enough, the group was all boys from the high schools who had all but hit the worst throes of puberty imaginable and were picking out the verses from the bible that made them giggle. 

“It took everything in my power not to take the bible in my hands and smack one of’em on the back of the head with it,” Rhett chuckled. 

You laughed a little with him and soon the stress had begun to fall away. “Here,” Rhett said. “Come with me, I’ll get ya’ll settled.” 

You and him went upstairs and into the bathroom where Rhett turned on the water and began to run you a hot bath. He searched the cabinet until he found a mason jar full of dried lilac sprigs you had picked over the summer, taking a handful and spreading them into the water. 

You stripped off your clothes and stepped in, the water melting the stress away from your body as you let out an obscene moan. “Thank you Rhett,” you groaned. 

“Darlin it’s all good,” he assured you, kissing your shoulders, neck and cheek. “I’d do this for you any day of the week.” 

You relaxed but Rhett never once left your side, just talking with you and laughing about all the embarrassing parts of your day. It was timed like this that you were grateful to have Rhett as your husband. 

[bratshaws]

through the hourglass 62. brb x oc

a/n: no ROOSTER in this chapter ;-; but there will be ON THE NEXT EHE

pairing: plus size!oc x rooster

warnings: mentions of eric. OHB OY

goodness gracious (pls read this one to know more what this fic is about!!)

chapter

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-

The first few hours without Rooster were fine, Nicole was quiet, she was used to not having her dad during the mornings after all. Beatrice was thankful that their daughter was such a calm baby most of the time, either too busy looking around with interest or trying to grab the mobile above her head as it moved in circles.

But as the day went by, Nicole got fussy, the closer it got to Rooster’s return time the eager she got, kicking and waving her arms and legs, letting out happy squeals because she somehow knew that Rooster would walk past the front door and kiss her cheeks over and over before picking her up. Beatrice just frowned as she watched from the sink, seeing her little daughter just wriggling out of pure excitement about having her father back soon.

Beatrice looked up at the clock on the wall seeing that indeed he’d be home soon if he was still in California. Maybe Nicole wouldn’t mind it too much, maybe she’d act just like when they both go to the Hard Deck…she hoped so at least. 

But alas, that wasn’t what happened.

When the clock’s hands moved to the specific time that Rooster got home,Nicole stopped moving - as if she wanted to hear his steps as he got into the house - and waited. Beatrice felt so bad, chewing her lower lip at the expectative look on her daughter’s face, “Nikki,daddy isn’t home, he’s going to be away for three months.” she knew her daughter couldn’t understand but she couldn’t not tell her about it.

Nicole just moved her light green eyes to Beatrice, then back to where she knew the door was even though she couldn’t see it. “Nikki, I–” how does someone explain that to an infant? There was no way she’d understand, but Nikki’s face slowly scrunched and soft hiccups broke out of her throat when she didn’t see her father, “Oh no,no,no, no,Nikki.” Beatrice rushes to the bouncer just as Nicole’s hiccups got longer and high pitched into gentle crying.

She picks the baby up, holding Nicole against her chest,bouncing and shushing her the best she could but it wasn’t working. Especially when Beatrice turns around and Nicole’s eyes meet the front door and only the front door. 

It was the very first time that Nicole cried so loud.

And it pained Beatrice immensely, “No,no, it’s okay, it’s okay,” her eyes stung as her daughter cried loud and she felt the hot tears touching her neck, Nicole’s tiny fists clenching her mother’s shirt, “Sssh,sshh,it’s okay, it’s okay baby,I know.” her voice cracked and she wiped her own eye with her sleeve covered shoulder, “It’s okay, it’s okay, I know,I know you miss him. I miss him too.”

More crying, she could feel how hot her daughter’s cheeks were because of the blood flow rising to her face. Nicole was heartbroken just by her crying, it was the worst thing she had ever heard, “Nikki,ssshhh,it’s okay.” she kept bouncing the infant, walking around the kitchen with the dogs following her since they heard the crying as well, “It’s okay, sshhh,it’s okay…”

Nicole’s crying slowly faltered to gentle whimpers, tears clung to those long lashes and her tiny chest convulsed with hiccups, only being able to let out a quiet whine after a while. Beatrice cautiously turned her head to check on her daughter, seeing that there were tears still in her eyes but she stopped crying completely, “...oh,birdie,” she whispers, kissing her daughter’s head, ‘It’s okay.” she knew deep inside it wasn’t, she knew that Nicole couldn’t understand why her father who stayed close from the second she was born wasn’t there by her side.

Her mother just bounced her in her arms for a few more minutes,kissing that fluffy hair that was now leaning more to a dark sandy brown color much like her father. And the comparison only made Bea frown a bit more, “I’ll have to talk to him and check when we’ll be able to chat, so you can see him too, you know?” Nicole whined again, earning another kiss to her head, “It’s okay, birdie, it’s okay.”

Nicole’s cries dissipated into nothing, her tiny hands holding onto Beatrice’s shirt still and her soft cheek squished on Beatrice’s shoulder. Her mother rubbed her back soothingly, heart still hurting from seeing her cry so much. 

When she went to put her back on her bouncer,Nicole cried out in complaint and Beatrice pulled her back up so she could be close to her chest, “Okay, you don’t want to be there, that’s fine.” she murmured, “But mommy has to clean some stuff,birdie.” she explains, “I think I can…um…well…” she could wrap Nicole against her body as she cleaned the house, she had learned a few wrap carries from youtube videos that she wore whenever they had to go out.

Beatrice sighed, adjusting her baby in her arms as she walked up the staircase to Nicole’s nursery, turning on the lights and gently placing her on the changing table. She stays close in case she cries out but she doesn’t, she just keeps her mother in her sights all the time.

Soon enough Beatrice hears the sound of her phone, the same one she kept downstairs, “Ugh, fuck.” she groans, flexing her hands and then picking Nicole back up, “Sorry,sweetie, mommy is all over the place. We just need to…ugh, okay, maybe– Ellie!”

Eleanor scrambles up the staircase and almost hits her ribs on the threshold, stopping with her ears perked up and pink nose turned to where Beatrice was, “I know this is a bit weird, but you love grabbing things…can you get me my phone? It’s in my bag,” she moves her hand on her chest as if to show the position the bag usually is when she’s holding, “My bag, you know it,right? You know what it is.”

The white pup blinks up at her, wags her tail for a bit then bolts downstairs. Her hurried paws echo all around the house and Beatrice could hear her sniffing about trying to find the one thing her owner asked her to get.

Beatrice just waited, while looking down at Nicole, frowning at the tear tracks on her soft and small face and the gentle sniffling she still had going on. Beatrice refused to tell Rooster about this because she knew if she did he’d blame himself immediately and that’s not what she wanted especially when he’s so far away.

She didn’t know when they’d be able to talk, he left early this morning after all, but she hoped it’d be soon because of Nicole’s reaction of his absence. She knew Nicole didn’t like when they weren’t home, but thy managed to work through it by sending her to Bea’s parents, she was now used to her mother’s absence during that specific period of time.

But Rooster’s situation was a bit different.

Nicole didn’t understand because she’s just a baby who just turned a month old, she’s used on having both of her parents close by at all times and not to mention, she has a strong connection with both. In her little baby mind it made no sense why her father wouldn’t be home by the time he should be.

Beatrice’s worried thoughts stopped when she heard the tinkling of her xenomorph keychain swinging and Eleanor’s clipped nails clicking on the floor. The white dog stood by the door with the strap of Beatrice’s bag held tightly between her large maws, curved tail wagging “Ellie!You got it!” Beatrice’s tone only makes the dog’s tail wags harder and she wiggles her way inside, dropping the bag on the brunette’s feet and then rolling on the floor to show her pink tummy, “You are such a good girl, thank you! Thank you!”

Beatrice gives her some belly rubs before Eleanor rolls back to stand on her paws, watching with curiosity as Beatrice opens the bag to pull out her phone, “Thank you Ellie,I’ll give you treats downstairs, okay?” Eleanor’s tail stops wagging and she barks out a complaint, “Ellie! Later, I promise okay? Don’t worry,you’ll get it.”

She could swear the pup’s eyes were narrowed in disbelief but she turned around and left the room with a trot. Beatrice sighs, tossing her back to the rocking chair as she checks her phone with her free hand still on top of Nicole’s chest.

Her daughter’s small palm touched the back of her finger, holding the digit close and tight as her mother checked what set her phone off.

Beatrice couldn’t see much yet, checking all her messages and seeing that four of them were from the girls’ group chat,two were from Hangman who took on the mantle of ‘worried uncle and honorary older brother’ asking if she was okay and the last one from her mother who let her know that she was coming over later to bring her dinner.

She smiles in thanks, typing out messages for everyone until Shells’ name popped on the screen, interrupting her typing.

Shells (16:34)

Babes!! Are you home?

Bea (16:34)

Yeah,I am…why?

Shells (16:35)

I’m coming over. We need to talk about something and I’m bringing Ev with me!

Cue to Shells sending a picture of herself and Evelyn inside Shells’ buick, their taller friend holding several bubble teas on her lap while giving the blonde an ugly look

Bea (16:36)

Wait,what? Why? Is everything okay?

Shells (16:36)

You’ll see! Love you!

Beatrice just stared down at the phone in silence,blinking quietly and then furrowing her brows, only looking away when she heard Nicole’s soft noises from her changing table. “Sorry,birdie.” she says sweetly, pocketing her phone into her jeans, “Your aunt Shells is coming over with your aune Evelyn.” Maybe that would help her cheer up, she liked Shells and Evelyn a lot more now that she was used to them.

She was confused as to why Shells was coming over considering they’ve seen each other earlier that day while cleaning the bar…and why she was coming with Evelyn. But Beatrice didn’t have much time to think about it because the doorbell rang and Eleanor started barking like crazy, “They are already here?!” she pulls out her phone to check the camera app and in fact, it was Shells and Evelyn, with Shells waving at the camera with a huge smile.

Beatrice opens the mic to talk through her phone, “I thought you guys would arrive much later.”

“She stepped on the gas to get here.” Evelyn explains as Beatrice walks down the stairs with Nicole against her chest, “She really wanted to get here soon.”

“With good reason! Come on,Bea!Come on, we gotta celebrate!”

What the hell was going on?

Beatrice slides her phone back inside her pocket after gently pushing Eleanor away and opening the front door. “Ah!Bumblebea!” Shells is grinning so wide it’s like her face will split in half, “Hi,Nikki! Hi! It’s me your favorite auntie!” Nicole just blinked at the blonde but did hold onto her finger as she wagged it in front of her face, “Ah,she’s so cute, here Ev, let me grab it.”

She takes the bubble teas from Evelyn’s hands and marches past Beatrice inside her house. The brunette looks back to where her friend was humming and then looks back at Evelyn,  “...what is happening?”

“I have no idea.” Evelyn says as she walks in so Beatrice could close the door, “She showed up at my place and ordered me to come down, didn’t say why, just said we were going to see you and that it was going to be great.”

“...that’s worrisome.”

“No kidding.” Evelyn mutters, the two of them walking along to the kitchen where they could hear Shells’ happy humming, “Anyway,how are you? I know Rooster left this morning.”

Beatrice smiles weakly, giving her friend a shrug, “...well it’s…I’m used to it.”

“But Nicole isn’t.”

“No.” comes out as a groan as she looks down at her daughter, “Cried so much when she didn’t see Rooster walk through the door, broke my heart,Ev.”

Evelyn stays silent for a bit, but Beatrice sees her friend’s jaw move and her lips curl into her mouth. She had a feeling that hearing brought back memories from her own childhood when her father was gone for a long time and since Rooster told her that Cyclone first held Evelyn when she was already one year old it probably made her a bit uncomfortable to think about it again, “...It’ll be fine.” she finally says, breaking the silence between them, “She’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.”

“You and Rooster are raising her well when it comes to that topic,” there’s a hidden bitterness in her words, undoubtedly from the time when she was younger, “She’ll understand. Plus, when he calls,she’ll be able to see him.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“Do you plan on telling him about her reaction?”

“No, absolutely not.” Beatrice shakes her head while changing Nicole’s position to her other shoulder, “He’ll just feel guilty and I don’t want that.”

“Are you two coming or what?” Shells’ voice interrupts them,”Come on!”

Both women looked at each other then stepped a bit faster to the kitchen where Shells had somehow found a bag of spicy chips that she poured into a bowl, “What’s the celebration for?” Beatrice asks, grabbing a chip herself and sitting down when Shells flaps her hand as if telling her to do so.

“Yeah,I want to know why I was yanked out of my house as well,” Evelyn comments with her arms folded on top of the table,”Considering you said absolutely nothing.”

Shells had that little smile on her face, the one that she often had that reminded them of ‘Dennis the Menace’ for some odd reason. She crunched her chip with the same smile, grabbing the bubble teas she left in the fridge and placing them in front of her friends, “Mango for Bea and Ube for Evelyn.” she ignored her friends’ confused stares, sipping her own strawberry one and popping the bubbles in her mouth.

The blonde waits for a little bit, then she waits until both of them were sipping the cold treat to finally say “So, do you guys remember Beatrice’s ex? The one who ruined her life and still tried to act like he had a chance? Well he messaged me and asked me about you.”

Beatrice stopped drinking, glad she didn’t choke on the bubble at the sudden mention of her ex-boyfriend, “W-What?”

“Yeah,he messaged me on insta. Asked me about you,all that shit.”

Evelyn’s eyes narrowed, “Are you serious?”

“Dead serious,babes.”

There’s silence because they never expected to hear about Eric again, nor knowing that he messaged Shells. Shells. The one person he is scared of from the second he met her years ago. Beatrice just looks at the white bubbles in her cup, seeing the red and yellow liquids mix inside as she takes in what Shells said, “...what did he want?”

“He wanted to know about you, wanted to know how you were.” Shells looked so happy, “I told him you were probably busy giving Rooster attention,wink-wink, and he got pissed about it. Said I was in the whole scheme, it was crazy.”

“Scheme?”

“I think he still believes you are just,” she shrugs, “Not…really married to Rooster. I think he thinks it’s all a great joke being played on him.”

“That’s insane.” Evelyn says, giving Beatrice a worried look, “Why the fuck would he do that?”

“Because Eric thinks he’s better than everyone, there’s no one who could best him and he likes to feel superior to others.” she explains while running her fingers on Nicole’s hair, “...but it’s…why would he do that? Why would he message you?”

“Beats the hell outta me,babes.” Shells shrugs, “I just cussed him out and told him if he ever did this again I’d kick his balls so hard he’d cough pubic hair.” and she says that with a smile, extremely pleased with herself, slurping her tea with the same grin.

Beatrice didn’t like how he showed up again. She thought that after she broke his nose, after he ran away from her at the reunion, he wouldn’t consider on asking about her or trying to see how she was again. “I don’t get it.” she mutters with a gentle shake of her head, “Why would he do this? It makes no sense.’

“I agree,”Evelyn says while supporting her chin on the back of her hand, “Why would he try to reach out to you now? Especially after everything.”

“Maybe it’s the universe aligning so Rooster can beat the shit out of him.” Shells suggests, “Wouldn’t that be fun?”

It would.

But Beatrice just chewed her lower lip, “It’s been…what, two years since I last saw him? It’s so odd to me, guys. It’s like he can’t believe I am married,it’s like he doesn’t get it.”

“Maybe he’s just stupid.” 

Shells and her colorful commentary never ceased to amuse them but Beatrice looked…annoyed and worried at the same time. Why the hell is he still trying to get information out of her? That makes absolutely no sense. And she didn’t want to worry about that when there were other things like the baby in her arms that was curiously looking at the bubble tea right now, “Maybe he is.” Beatrice whispered, “I…I just don’t like it.”

“I mean, no one does.” Evelyn adds, furrowing her brows, “Do you think he really believes you are making your whole relationship with Rooster?”

“Honestly I wouldn’t be surprised.” she mutters, “A lot of people seem to doubt that…ugh,I can’t think about it right now,I need to focus on Nikki and how we are going to do everything here without Roos. Jake and Bob said they’ll show up later this week and-”

“Oh! So will we then,right Ev? A big sleepover party!”

“No one said anything about sleeping over,Shells.”

“I know but wouldn’t it be fun?”

Evelyn flicks her eyes from Shells to Beatrice and Nicole, gesturing twice to the still awake baby in their friend’s arms. Shells finally remembers that the reasons for a sleepover, especially when there’s a one month old baby involved, shouldn’t even exist, “...oh.”

 Evelyn sighs with annoyance before turning towards Beatrice “We’ll stop by, you won’t be alone.”

“I know.’ Beatrice grins, “And I appreciate you guys a lot because of it…it’s just,you know, it’s strange. She feels it too and…I don’t know,I don’t want to do a bad job.” Nicole’s light green eyes meet her mother’s and her tiny hand comes up to touch her mother’s lips. Beatrice couldn’t help but kiss the little palm and keep it close to her face, “I felt so bad seeing her cry.”

Evelyn parted her lips to speak, closed them, then opened them again, “Do you have something that Rooster used before he left?” 

“Oh,uh, there’s one of his shirts.”

“You can hang it by Nikki’s crib when she’s asleep…it’s what my mother did to me with one of my dad’s shirts…It helped a little, at least until you can talk to him.”

Beatrice thinks about it but agrees, mentally glad to be done on the Eric subject and focusing on Rooster instead. As always, he was a much better thought than her ex ever was. “I’ll do that, thanks Ev.”

“You are welcome.” a pause, “Wait, did you just bring me over because you wanted to talk about how you dealt with Eric?”

Shells smiles, slurping what was left of her bubble tea, “Yeah! I thought it’d be fun!”

Which then evolved into a back and forth of questions and amused answers that Beatrice couldn’t really add in, choosing to sip her tea in peace while relaxing from what happened earlier. Even if Eric was brought in conversation and even if she worried why he was still so…latched onto her, thinking of Rooster helped a whole lot.

…God, she hopes these three months go by fast.

[lcvesjj]

“I didn’t know where else to go…” - Erin Lindsay x Fem!Reader

Prompt : “I didn’t know where else to go…” 

Pairing : Erin Lindsay x Fem!Reader

Summary : After a really long and eventful day Y/ n doesn’t know where else to go when her anxiety is overwhelming. (Fluff)

Warnings : anxiety/being overwhelmed, mentions of losing a close friend, crying, mentions of drinking?

A/n : If there is anything else I should add to the warnings please let me know and I'll add it ! Feedback would be really appreciated :)

The day started out horrible, first the hot water in your apartment stopped working for some odd reason when you tried to take a quick morning shower, then you were late to work due to traffic and Voight wasn’t that pleased with you. 

Could this day get any worse? Apparently the universe was against you today, since your paperwork was also magically missing which meant you had to rewrite everything. Every. Single. File. 

Seeing everyone’s pitiful eyes on you made you slightly cringe. You hated people when people pitied you. It made you think of how after losing one of your closest friends, you felt like everyone was treating you like some glass object which in your opinion was the worst feeling ever. It was so annoying when people felt like they had to treat you so carefully, you knew they meant well and it was supposed to be a nice gesture but still. 

It all got worse when it was lunchtime, since you discovered your wallet was missing. After asking Voight if you could quickly get something from your apartment since you had completely forgotten about it. You ran down the stairs of the bullpen towards your car, nearly tripping down the flight of stairs. The desk sergeant gave you a weird look but after sending her an awkward smile you were gone. 

You had somehow managed to get to your apartment and back to the district without any more bad things happening. Luckily for the rest of the day you didn’t get any new cases, which was kind of nice and calm since for once you could catch up on all of your paperwork. 

At the end of the day you were so overwhelmed, you just wanted to curl up in bed and stay there forever. Today was really tough, you thought to yourself. Soon hours passed and you still couldn’t sleep, and your anxiety was getting worse and worse and you were starting to feel more restless and overwhelmed. 

Not knowing what else to do or where else to go, you quickly put on your shoes and coat and grabbed your car keys and locked the door to your apartment. There was only one place that felt safe enough for you - Erin’s place. When you first joined intelligence, she was the first one to welcome you. While the rest took their time to warm up to you. She always made you feel so safe and protected. As silly as it might sound she had became your safe place in such a small amount of time.  

Driving the short distance from your apartment to hers, you started to feel even more anxious and overwhelmed. It was all too much for you. You quickly parked under her apartment building and got out of the car running up to her door. You rang the bell a few times until you heard footsteps coming to the door. The brunette opened the door not expecting to see you there with such a panicked expression. 

“Y/n are you okay? What happened?” She asked stepping out of the door towards you. 

“I’m really sorry to bother you. I just can’t calm down and I’m so anxious and I just- I-I didn’t know where else to go…I’m so sorry” You replied, starting to cry. “Oh Y/n sweetheart, come in please. It’s okay and you're never bothering me. I love spending time with you. Why don’t we sit down on the couch and just sit there and talk until you feel a bit better, okay?” You simply nodded and took off your shoes and coat, heading towards Erin’s couch with her guiding you, while gently rubbing your back to comfort you. 

She sat down next to you and wrapped her arms around you. You quickly hid your face into her shoulder not wanting Erin to see your tears. She continued to gently rub your back while whispering into your hair that it’s okay and to let it all out.

After a bit you started to calm down and you felt like you could finally take a deep breath. Slowly pulling away from her warm embrace, you looked at Erin. Her worried expression broke your heart, since you weren’t the best with intimacy and feelings due to the way you were raised. She gently wiped away your tears from your cheeks. You let out a half sob half chuckle. “Are you feeling better now?” She asked you in a worried tone. “Yea, a little bit. I’m really sorry for ruining your evening.” You said finally finding the courage to look her in the eyes. 

“C’mere. You're not ruining my evening. I love spending time with you Y/n” She gently pulled you into a big hug. You hugged her back so tightly, Erin’s hugs were the best and most comforting hugs ever in your opinion. And that’s when you knew it would all be okay. 

As hard as this day was, at least it ended well. Since it ended with you and Erin curled up on her couch drinking wine and laughing at silly romcoms. That was one of the best ways to end such a bad day. With someone like Erin by your side you knew you would be alright, even in the hardest and toughest moments. As you both laid really close to each other you started to fall asleep with a small smile on your face. Knowing that you were finally safe.

[mistralxsoul]

"Don't deflect. You always deflect."

“I’m not–”

Flynn’s voice edged on the brink of annoyance when he finally looked up from the letter that stole most of his attention. He was tired. He had been awake for hours, writing letter after letter. His hand was beginning to cramp and his handwriting began to show signs of becoming messier as time passed on. He was tired, irritable and he was sure that much was obvious to Yuri when Flynn’s head whipped up, ready to deny the man’s accusations.

There was something hidden behind Yuri’s eyes that made Flynn fall silent. It was a silent look of sorrow. Of understanding. A look that offered comfort. Yuri watched his movements carefully, watching as Flynn’s hand clenched tightly around the quill, threatening to snap the writing utensil in two with his own grip.

“Flynn, come to bed.” Yuri had said a few moments ago, to which Flynn quietly denied, absorbed in this task that he set for himself that night.

“You can write the rest of those in the morning. You’re going to make yourself sick.” Yuri tried again a few minutes later, tone a bit more concerned than before.

Flynn insisted that he was fine. That he wasn’t going to get sick. That he had to get this done tonight. He knew Yuri understood where he was coming from. And Flynn understood where Yuri was coming from. But this was something that Flynn couldn’t back down from. No, he had to finish this tonight. But, upon hearing the accusation of deflecting, Flynn… could at least admit that he wasn’t being truthful.

“...You’re right. I’m deflecting… But I can’t stop until I’m finished, Yuri.”

Flynn’s eyes trailed down to the paper on the desk, eyes tired from more than just lack of sleep. This had been the sixteenth letter that he had written that night. The sixteenth condolence letter that he had written out that night. The sixteenth notice of death. The sixteenth reminder that Flynn’s orders had led to some of his best knights being killed in the line of duty.

Ever since the loss of the Barrier Blastia, monsters had been trying their damndest to try and get into the cities and Flynn had been doing his best to supply his best knights to the towns in need of the most defense. They were, hypothetically, prepared for the worst. Something had caused a rather sizable group of monsters to try and invade Capua Nor. Since the port town was right by the ocean, and ships that ran without blastia were still being built, there simply wasn’t enough space to evacuate the citizens. However, thanks to the squad he had left stationed there, not a single citizen was hurt by the time reinforcements arrived.

His knights, however, did not make it. Those who survived the battle would later succumb to their injuries soon after. Flynn tried, he tried, to get them the best healers they could find, outside of Estellise who was simply too far away but it was just too late.

To the townsfolk, those knights were heroes and would likely be celebrated for years to come. Judging from personal experience, Flynn wasn’t certain that the families of the departed would feel the same.

“Those knights fought bravely, down to their dying breaths. They pushed themselves beyond their limits just to protect the people in need. I need– I want to finish writing these letters to their families tonight so that I can set out first thing tomorrow and deliver them personally.” Flynn explained quietly, voice hoarse as he looked back up to Yuri. “They gave up everything for the people. The least I can do in return is sacrifice a few hours of sleep so I can honor their memory and inform their families as fast as possible.”

Flynn had to be the one to deliver the news. He was likely going to be away from Zaphias for a few days, knowing that some of the families lived in other cities. But for something as big as this, their family deserved more than just an lone letter and a package of the knight’s belongings.

Flynn knew the next few days were going to be rough and heavy. People would cry. Some would probably curse him. Maybe even lash out, try to hit him. Flynn was prepared to accept any reaction from the families affected. That was, unfortunately, his role as The Commandant. He had given the order. He knew the risks and he knew what could come of it. And he was fully prepared to face the results, good and bad.

“...I’ll come to bed once I’m finished. I just have a couple more to write.” Flynn gave Yuri a weak smile, which was all he could manage. “I want you to get enough sleep for the both of us, alright…? Thank you for staying up with me this long, my love. I… I really do appreciate it. Truly.”

[dragonsarecool]

Febwhump Day 3- Bite Down on This

A/N: Kidnapped by Tannen’s mob in the Old West, Marty was about to get a taste of this era in history…literally. An alternate version of Marty’s arrival in to 1885.

Of course he would get kidnapped on his first night in 1885.

He hadn’t been able to shake the uneasy feeling that plagued him when he first retired for the night. Despite his body crying with exhaustion, he remained awake until the early hours of the morning, staring at the ceiling of Doc’s workshop. When he’d been staying at Doc’s house in 1955 he hadn’t noticed it as much, but the unfamiliar and strange scent of his current pillow made him feel incredibly homesick. The fabric also possessed a few suspicious stains that Marty didn’t want to think about too much.

He rolled onto his side, scratching his arms out of habit. Despite having a thorough wash once he’d arrived at the workshop, he still felt like dirt particles had embedded themselves in his skin. He was sure part of it had to be a psychological thing, as everything in this time period seemed to have a layer of dirt on it somewhere. God, I miss our electric hoover.

Part of his brain couldn’t stop replaying Buford’s threat and the sheer fury that had been etched across his face. Marty had never been afraid of Biff in his entire life, but there was something about Buford that made him feel noticeably uncomfortable.

Maybe it was because Buford represented a version of Biff that could be genuinely dangerous?

Or it was due to the fact that Buford nearly murdered him seventy-something years before he was due to be born?

Whatever the reason was, he didn’t know it and was too tired to care.

The existential deliberation had finally tired his brain out. He was beginning to feel himself drifting closer to the edge of sleep when he quickly became aware of two things.

Firstly, he could register the sickeningly-familiar smell of a very intoxicated person.

And secondly, that person’s hand was currently clamping his mouth shut.

Part of him wanted to laugh.

I sure have the worst luck in the universe. Dammit, I just wanna go to sleep!

It seemed the universe was listening, for a sudden thump to the back of the head accelerated that process, and Marty fell into a dreamless state of blackness.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he finally found himself coming to, but the amount of light that his retinas were immediately assaulted with proved it had been a few hours.

When he was able to tolerate the daylight, he discovered he was in the depths of a dense and lush forest, with the tips of the trees towering far above his head.

He went to step forward to investigate, only to realise when he couldn’t move more than a couple of centimetres that he’d been tied to a very uncomfortable tree. He could feel pieces of sharp bark poking into his skin despite the thickness of his night shirt, and the involuntary itchiness began to crawl over his body. God, I hope there’s no ant nests in this tree…

A loud burp startled the young man. He strained his neck to the right, revealing a couple of Buford’s sidekicks to be standing guard. One was asleep next to a smouldering campfire, while the other was performing the disgusting ritual of picking dirt from his teeth. “Geez, is this kid ever gon’ wake up?” He grumbled, spitting next to his partner. “I was hopin’ to be in bed before supper tonight for once.”

The other gang member stirred before sighing in irritation. “Quit your grumblin’! You’ve gon’ interrupted my nap now!”

“And you assholes interrupted mine!” Marty snapped. “Let me go!”

“Well it’s about time, young man,” The spitting man commented. “We was startin’ to think we’d killed ya!”

It’s a good thing you didn’t, ‘cause Doc would’ve killed you by now. “What the hell do you guys want me for?

“Buford’s got a special plan for you, boy,” The sleepy gang member muttered, adjusting his hat to cover his face. “You better hope it goes his way.”

“Alright, boys, we gotta move!” A familiar voice floated from behind Marty, sending chills down his spine. Tannen swaggered towards Marty’s line of sight, smirking proudly. “We gotta go meet this ‘Mister Brown’ and get some money!”

“Tannen,” Marty hissed, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Who else would be stupid enough to go and kidnap a guy you threatened in front of the whole town?“

“Don’t you be insultin’ me, dude!” Tannen interrupted with a growl, leaning close enough that Marty received a fresh whiff of his alcoholic breath. “Knew I shoulda killed you when I had the chance! But instead I decided I might as well get some money outta ya.”

Marty frowned in confusion. “I haven’t got any money on me, you dumbass!”

“Not from you, pipsqueak!” Tannen and his goons laughed mockingly. “From that blacksmith friend of yours! Figured it a good way to get that eighty dollars he owes me back-“

“Doc doesn’t owe you shit!” Marty snapped, straining forward against the ropes. “Plus he’s gonna have the police on your asses faster than your horses can run, so if you don’t wanna go to jail today, you might as well let me go!”

“HE OWES ME THAT MONEY!” Tannen roared, leaning into Marty’s face.

Marty drew his head back and collected all the saliva he could muster before launching it directly at Tannen. He smirked as it landed directly in the criminal’s eye. Take that, you bastard!

Buford growled with rage, pressing his hand to his eye. “Son of a bitch!”

One of the other criminals appeared in Marty’s peripheral vision. “‘ere, you runt, have a bite of this!”

The teenager had no time to recoil as a visibly-soiled rag was suddenly shoved into his mouth, a second being tied around his head before he could spit it out. He involuntarily dug his teeth into the gag, with the foul taste instantly making him retch, and he had to fight the nausea rapidly bubbling in his throat. Man, I’m really missing modern laundry right now…

“You better start hopin’ that blacksmith of yours comes up with my money!” Tannen wiped the spit from his face. “Or else you’re the one that’s gonna get a bullet in the back!”

Marty could only blink as he watched the gang pack up the rest of their belongings, disappearing into the foliage.

******

Geez, Doc, can you hurry up with the rescue mission? I really need to pee…

Marty wearily leaned his head back against the tree. He’d long since abandoned trying to get the gag off - Tannen’s goons had secured it too tightly - and the ropes had been expertly secured, with the knots far out of his reach. Although he’d never been a boy scout, he was still cross he couldn’t attempt to release himself.

It had only taken a few attempts at screaming for help before he concluded it was a useless act, as despite his silent surroundings, he could barely hear himself through two layers of thick fabric. His mouth and throat were drier than the bark that continually irritated him. He couldn’t swallow any saliva with the rag in place, and had resigned to simply trying to ignore the painful sensation of dehydration.

Being outdoors in thick pyjamas was also negatively contributing to the situation, as he felt like a big bag of sweat tied to a tree. Despite summer being technically over, the mid-morning sun was beating down harshly through the roof of the forest. At least the kidnappings in Westerns were usually quick…

He was quietly grateful that they’d secured his legs to the tree as well, as by this point he was sure they’d be collapsing. They had gone numb a while ago, despite his shuffles within the ropes to keep the blood flowing.

Surely he’s noticed I’m gone by now. Surely. It’s definitely been long enough.

He’d been in an almost constant state of worry since Tannen and his gang had ditched him. They’d given nothing away in terms of their plan or where they were going to wait for Doc. Having nothing else to do, Marty’s mind had given him the sick pleasure of presenting all sorts of possible scenarios. I wonder if Doc’s gonna show up with the police and they’ll have a shoot out or something? What if they go over to the workshop? What if they’re waiting for him to find me?! What if they’re-

“…Marty?”

Doc!! The scientist’s voice cut through the silence, and it instantly rejuvenated him. His head shot up like a startled cat as he scanned the surrounding bushes, looking for any sign of movement in the leaves. “Hhhk!” Doc!!

“Marty?” Doc’s voice was slightly louder. The white strands of his hair could now be seen through the tree leaves, though Marty panicked when Doc started moving away and back into the foliage. “Marty?”

“HHHK!” Marty screamed as loud as he could. He thrashed in his restraints, desperately trying to kick the tree behind him. Dammit Doc, I’m here!!

Doc seemed to pause for a moment. Interpreting it as a sign that he was listening, Marty screamed again. “Hmm hmmk!” I’m here Doc!!

The scientist’s coat was now visible as he parted numerous branches to the side. “Marty?”

Geez, this is insane! “Hhhk!!”

Doc’s face finally emerged from the trees, letting out a joyful yell as he finally made eye contact with Marty. The older man was visibly dirty, with leaves sticking out of his hair and beads of sweat dripping down the sides of his face.. “Oh, Marty! Thank God…”

“Hhhk!” Marty realised he felt close to tears. You never see the hostages cry on those Westerns either…

Doc quickly scouted the area before he sprinted through the small clearing. He took a second to assess his friend’s condition, realising that Marty was still dressed in the pyjamas he’d given him the night before. “My God, so they got you during the night?”

Marty nodded, leaning his head forward to allow Doc room to undo the rag around his mouth. Hurry up, Doc! This thing’s really starting to hurt.

“Oh! Of course! I’m so sorry, Marty,” Doc silently berated himself as he began to untie the gag. How could you? Poor kid’s probably had it on for hours. “Are you hurt at all?”

“Mmm-mnn.”

“Good, good. Hang on a little longer, Marty, this knot is quite tight. I can’t believe these idiots were so good with their ropework,” Doc reassured his friend as he fought with the knot of the gag, sighing with relief as it finally fell away. He tossed it aside with disgust, and assisted Marty with removing the second rag. “My God, that looks disgusting.”

It certainly tasted that way. Marty tried to thank his rescuer, only for a weak croak to escape his vocal cords. He swallowed hard for a few seconds, attempting to restore some moisture to the lining of his throat, and was able to get out an audible whisper. “Doc…”

“Don’t worry, Marty, it’s all over,” Doc spoke kindly. “The sheriff was able to catch one of the gang members as they were leaving my workshop with the ransom money. He talked pretty quickly once we told him that he could be the one in the noose next.”

Marty let out a strangled laugh. “Good one!” He mouthed at Doc, still not trusting his voice.

“I don’t have any water with me, I’m sorry,” Doc apologised. “Everything happened so fast…my main priority was finding you-“

The teenager shook his head and smiled. I can wait a little longer. I’m glad he found me and not the sheriff - that would’ve been ‘great’ for the space time continuum.

Doc felt his guilt slowly dripping away as he hacked at the restraints with his pocket knife. He tried not to look at the obvious rope burns that now decorated his friend’s wrists, nor the suspicious blood stains on his pyjamas. A dirt-stained handprint was obvious across Marty’s mouth and jaw, and a small collection of leaves had formed in his hair. He noticed a small gash ran across Marty’s temple and into his hairline, and he felt his blood boil. Tannen is lucky I didn’t catch him…The kid probably has a concussion as well. I bet these idiots weren’t kind enough to use chloroform to knock him out.

Marty couldn’t help the croaky groan that escaped his lips as the blood flow to his limbs was slowly restored. He brought his arms around from behind the tree, sighing gratefully as he was cracking his knuckles. God, that has never felt so good.

“You shouldn’t do that, you know. The latest research suggests it causes arthritis.” Doc commented cheerfully as he sliced at the bonds around Marty’s legs.

The young man snorted. Feels like I’ve got arthritis right now. He instantly went to bend his knees once they were free of the ropes, only to find himself rapidly hurtling towards the ground. Damn gravity-

Quick to react, Doc was able to grab Marty before he slammed headfirst into the dirt. “Take it easy, Marty. There’s no rush. I’m not surprised your coordination is a bit off at the moment. You’ve been out here with no water and little blood circulation for hours-“

The scientist was interrupted by Marty tapping his left wrist, the message taking a second to be interpreted. “It’s just after two in the afternoon,” Doc raised an eyebrow. “What time did you think it was?”

With no voice to answer, Marty could only shrug. He let out a sigh as he felt his legs giving away again, grateful that Doc still had a grip on his elbows.

“Better add low blood sugar to that combination as well,” Doc quipped. “Come on. Let’s get you back to the shop and get some food into you.”

“The sheriff?” Marty mouthed. I can imagine they’ll want to spend a few hours interrogating me for info about Tannen.

Doc took a moment to read his friend’s lips before smirking. “Maybe you can eat first. Depends on how generous he’s feeling.”

Marty quirked an eyebrow at his friend’s humour before nodding. You’re the doc, Doc.

Doc wrapped an arm around Marty’s waist, supporting the younger man as the two men began to make their way through the foliage towards Doc’s horse, each grateful that the other was still alive. The future was still in motion, and they were determined to keep it that way.

[stillthe1]

TW: sexual harassment, kind of? n being drugged without consent

This saturday I went out with my friends, everything was fine and dandy until the end of the night; one of my friends started puking out of nowhere, and went from her previously happy–drunk to an alarming sleepiness, she couldn’t even stand, and she ended on the floor for an hour and a half just to regain full–consciousness.

In my case, I started to feel really, really fucking cold when my friend started puking (it was 34°C, fyi) but I was so focused on my friend to really notice. By the time we got picked up by our family, I couldn’t see well, everything was blurry, and my entire body hurt so fucking much that I wanted to cry.

As soon as we were in the car, I puked on a bag and apparently passed out. The thing is: I was out with 6 friends, we all drank the same, and just 2 of us ended up like that.

This morning, after passing through yesterday like a ghost, I talked with my friend to compare symptoms, as we both realized one of our arms hurt. A LOT. Full–on one of the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt.

We called a doctor, and they confirmed to us that we most likely had been drugged. In the middle of a club. Surrounded by people, security and everything. Someone had fucking injected something in our arms.

It’s so scary to think that had our friends not been there, or had we not been close together, the night could’ve ended so differently. I feel dirty, so deeply sad that a night that we needed before starting classes for real this next week, ended up being a reminder of why being a woman is scary as fuck.

I don’t remember a big part of the night, two hours of it scrubbed from my mind, and as someone who remembers every party, every moment, everything of everything, that’s the worst part.

Anyhow. I’m feeling better. A little. The doctor told us to please call him if anything feels weird, and I just want to forget this. But I needed to vent, to take it out my chest and see if it stops biting at my brain.

If you read this, please go drink something warm and take care of yourself. And protect yourself and your friends.