#i hate all of this im going to kill myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

motherfucker-somewhat-limited · 9 months

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trying to set up the wireless noise canceling headphones my dad got me for christmas and im so fucking angry and frustrated I am going to throw up. I hate the digital age and everyone who contributed to it

#I SHOULDN'T NEED AN APP AND AN EMAIL ACCOUNT AND MY PHONES LOCATION ON #MY SHITASS $25 BLUETOOTH SPEAKER DOESNT NEED IT #JUST LET ME TURN ON BLUETOOTH AND CONNECT TO MY PHONE #I WILL SLAUGHTER YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY #CANT EVEN USE THE WIRED CONNECTION FUNCTION BECAUSE THE ELECTRONIC VOICE IN THE HEADPHONES KEEPS TELLING ME TO GET THE APP #THE APP THAT DOESNT WORK #i hate all of this im going to kill myself

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ickypuppi3 · 2 years

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thinking about the way billy smiled when he saw that it was steve outside the byers and how quickly it all changed when he realised steve was lying to his face

#billy hargrove #billy: :)#steve: were you dropped too much as a child #dislike steve for a lot of things but that’s at the top of my list #all the times billy’s been lied to im going to kill myself #his mom neil max #and now steve #ripping my hair out i genuinely hate it here so much #i just wanted him to be happy for once #to be able to have a genuine connection with someone

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uglygirlpretendingtobepretty · 6 months

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Me every morning when I wake up

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rapidhighway · 2 months

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stressed

I have to fight family again

#everybody hates meeeee #tomorrow is going to be so fucked #aunt literally said i tried to kill her???????? bro idk what to do with a person like that #im really really stressed #like it never got to physical violence or anything but im always scared it will cause it's just #getting more and more heated and i know she literally hates me right now #like usually she does the whole spiel about loving me sooo much but now she's convinced that #I'm against her #well i am #fuck that bitch #but well she's acting like a freaking cartoon villain #oh wel #well #but goddamn im really stressed rn #ok whatever i just needed to vent it's probably going to be fine #but like #i do feel like I'm planning a grand escape rn #and it SUCKS ASS #i really want to cut that woman out of my life or actually out of all of our lives cause she's just #traumatizing one person after the other #god i cant wait to be away from her so i can freaking relaxxx ToT #i can't believe i let myself fall for her tricks every single time and just believe shes good now AURGG #ok ok i just needed to vent this is so unreal for me rn I've been so stressed for days this is so frantic #whatever goodbye lmaooooooo #vent

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bibleofficial · 4 months

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bath is such a tourist trap 😭😭 the roman baths were neat but that’s literally all there is

#stream #skip sally lunn’s house unless u want to sit around for 15 minutes waiting to have ur drink order taken only to sit around for an hour to #have to go out and FIND THE WAITER bc we been sittin for an HOUR waitin for the damn FOOD TO SHOW UP #man didn’t show up once 🙄#literally i’m still so annoyed that im going to leave a review like bro what the fuck we were the ONLY people in the entire ROOM & we were #just ??? looking around ???? like what the fuck #i hate all non american restaurants unless they’re like #UPPITY UPPITY restaurants or like a PUB #anything in between is trash & i would rather kill myself than go to them #either give me bugs in my drink or a Real Server that’s IT !!!!!#😭😭😭😭😭#i wouldn’t have been dramatic if i wasn’t just drinking fucking BLACK TEA on an EMPTY STOMACH like BRO i was going to VOMIT #i got so annoyed i was like i’m just going into the kitchen bc what the fuck is this like guess i gotta cook this trash myself ?#then they just comped the drinks like … lol #omar covered bc i was going to argue bc the ORHER SERVER SAID SHES COMPING EVERUTHING BC AN HOUR IS BULLSHIT #THATS AN H O U R #FOR FUCKING 2 SLICES OF HAM W MUSTARD ON A BUN #I’m soooooo ANNOYED #like what pisses me off the most is slow service #be RUDE just don’t be fuckin SLOW #IF UR TABLE IS BORED UR DOING A BAD JOB

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lunarmoves · 17 days

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wait im reading all of sebastian's dialogue in pressure and icb he actually says womp womp if u die in the ridge LMFAOOO

#shut up shay!!#he is soo sarcastic plsss #im having the time of my life reading these #some of my personal faves:#“IDIOTS!! BEHIND YOU AGSHDHHDFGRRHGHR”#“OOOOOH IS THERE FIRE DAMAGE? IS THERE FIRE DAMAGE? OOOOOH”#“ill just pretend u did that on purpose”#“*holding back laughter*”#“seems like ur gonna be sleepin with da fishes”#“i didnt exactly have the highest expectations for you but this? you died to THIS?”#“if i wasnt forced to work with you id have killed all of you myself yesterday”#<- made me go o_o #“at least you're safe in here with me. im joking. youre not”#oh my gofd he hates being touched #i knew it #LMAO WAIT ONE MORE #“YOU ARE SOOOO LAAAZYYYYY”#i actually lovehim #why didnt i look this up before

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jrueships · 26 days

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Bought one of my lil nephew giannis shoes for his birthday bcs he loves giannis and these are some of the ugliest fucking things I have ever laid my eyes on in my life. anyways it's his bday today so i gave them to him. but they are so ugly. he loves them

#i am not a sneakerhead #i wish i could be . finacially i can be. but mentally i cannot #i am not a car guy either. i could. but i cant mentally #bcs the only time id get smthing pretty is to look at it. and keep it safe #and then id want to km$ for not using smthing thats intended to be used bcs i hate wasted potential #once i got these rlly nice shoes #ive worn them once when i was trying them on #and i hate myself every day for doing that but also i just cant get them dirty #BUT I HATE THAT #some ppl can do that. they get a million things and only use it once and yea i COULD but psychologically i just CANT #im friends with a lot of sneakerheads and chain wearers and while i cant mentally make myself one #i can understand why they can #like ppl always wanna excuse not helping ppl by pointing at the stuff they already have #like oh u can buy urself a chain but cant buy ur momma and u a nicer place to live #like ok so credit scores are not existent then. especially when ppl use that phrase against ppl growing into crime like #yes they are making money now but is it good clean money? no. thats not gonna go into smthing long term n hefty like a house #chains are a rlly big thing bcs sometimes some jewelers just dont ask questions. hence bmf's jeweler getting roped into their crime schemes #any business can be like that btw. like michael jacksons doctor getting paid to kill him. the difficulty lvl just changes #and also. random ppl make fun of the stuff they can see or hear right in front of them #random ppl can and will make u feel bad abt any little thing they know or see the best bcs theyre assholes like that #u wear shoes all the time everywhere. thats more and more eyes noticing how old/dirty ur shoes are #or ur cars old n busted or ur phones a fucking android like it doesnt matter. the more ppl can see. the more theyll know #the more sensitive u get abt whats actually small to u at the start but big 2 them n then it gets big 2 u #anyways yea so like. i get it. i dont do it but i can see why others do #anyways yea these shoes are so ugly lol like i dont buy merch of my favs unless the style matches mine personally #he just liked them bcs they were giannis tbh n then i pointed out they were modeled after 1 of the jerseys #which made he rlly want them a while back so i surprised him today #but yea these things are ugly lol im glad he likes them but ew LMFAO

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bunnihearted · 30 days

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꒰୨୧꒱

#the thing is that even if i always long for a relastionship...#i've never even been in one and idk how they work & im so scared of many things #i have sm troubles and issues with touch. i've gotten to a place where i cant even stand my own sisters or mom bumping into me #and outside i cant stand when someone accidentally walks into me or touching someone's legs on the bus #i hate it. it's not only feeling uncomfortable i feel distressed and scared and sick #smth that seems very normal in like all couples is that youre 'allowed' to touch eo all thge time whenever #that scares me a lot. like touch is so scary for me. and when youre in a relationship theres just this silent agreement that you can touch #eo all the time and thats like... how it's supposed to be.... ://#thats so scary to me. that theres this expectation and demand that if im someones gf they should be allowed to touch me whnever #and like i've never been in love and been in a relationship and been touched by that person so idk #maybe it wouldnt be an issue. but just thinking that.. i dont belong completely to myself and therefore give up #the right to not be touched if and when i feel distressed or uneasy is too scary for me #maybe i could learn to feel safe with them and want their touch but rn it scares me skskks #what if they kiss me when im feeling extremely sex reoulsed and wanna kill myself bc of my inner agony #and they get hurt when i try to pull away?#bc regardless of what ppl say... it is a truth that in a relationship youre exoected to want physical touch at all times #and it is seen as an insult to your partner if there are other forces within u (like trauma etc) that makes u sometimes uncomfortable w it #but yeah idk... the problem is that... in humanity and society #consent is one of the least important and prioritized things. as a humanbeing living u will have your consent disregarded countless times #and for me personally consent is one of the most important things. & thats one of the reasons why its so hard for me to live in this society #like yes i do want to have a partner and touch and be touched #but what if we're in the store and im feeling particularly bad that day and feel like #i need to turn myself inside out and peel my skin off and feel anxious and scared #and they just casually grab my ass?? then i will go home and kill myself :) or have a breakdown in the store lol #i dont want to go thru this but i also dont wanna put someone else thru it #and like it would be different if they asked first if i was ok being touched and i said yes #and if i said no theyd respect me and not get hurt #but like be for real.... almost nobody does that. and almost everyone thinks thats lame #in most relationships nobody asks eo. youre expected to just always be ok with it. if u want to be asked youre silly and demanding #nobody asks their partner abt that. that just dont happen lmao. so idk. :((( i wish i was normal

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verved · 10 months

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I was gonna wait to share my full thoughts on Iguazu until I finish ng++ but so far I just... empathize w him??? I really don't see why people hate him or think his anger is irrational, especially after getting through ng+. I mean yeah, you're a mercenary, he's a corporate pawn, and you both know that in your line of work you can't take things personally and the concept of honor is absolute stupidity.

Still, how do you not have beef with someone who turns on you mid mission, kicks your shit in, wrecks your ac, and the utter loss results in your commander and one friend insulting you after the fact? especially if your life is already as shit as his is.

and then later on when he comes across you by chance and wants a rematch, you can do him so dirty there too. he tells you to stop fighting and fend off the other enemies so you can get back to beating the shit out of each other but you literally can just. ignore that. and attack him while he's doing his best to fend off the others. that's so rude.

like yeah no point in playing nice when you're a merc and he should know that. but he isn't there by choice. he didn't go into this line of work willfully so I can't blame him for not having the same emotional detachment some other characters do. Most others see it all as just business, or have personal motives that drive them to keep going. But Iguazu? He's just some guy who made bad life choices and now he's sent to die on the front lines every day to pay off a debt.

Not to mention that Volta just fucking died too and I'm sure he's processing the death of his singular friend real well.

Tbh he has every right to be a little unhinged.

#armored core #armored core 6 #g5 iguazu #honestly why aren't they all more unhinged is what i'm asking #maybe they are and i just haven't seen it all yet #im learning some (getting spoiled) stuff about pater that has me hmming #what's his deal? i'll find out #i need to study these freaks #lineko.txt #if i were him i'd have killed myself sdfsdagadf bro is going thu it #anyway sucking on him #literally just some guy w insane trauma going on reacting in a less than ideal way why do ppl hate him

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cowardlycowboys · 2 months

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“Slut your wrists! Kill yourself! then you post a selfie saying “Don’t want to smile feel weird about it” as a desperate attempt to get compliments. You’re in your mid twenties doing all this😭 Grow up you’re not a teenager anymore. 30 is closer than ever and you’re breaking down because someone asked if you cry a lot? Someone mentions your jowls and you freak out. You tell them to kill themselves. People your age are Mothers. You might not have any but act your age. Geez.

my dick must taste fantastic for how far you're throating it

#I'm not doing it for attention <3 i literally am just talking and expressing myself <3 my therapist said i can say kill yourself <3 #and if you could read which clearly you can't you would know that they didn't say it to be nice or anything they wanted to hurt my feelings #sorry I'm human and get hurt because i don't like how i look sometimes that's 100% okay dumbass #and you must think I'm stupid to live in utah and not know people are mothers do you think Im oblivious and don't already feel awful #what have you gained from this cause i don't really care what you think i don't care what anyone really thinks I'm not doing anything for #attention i am just using this as my diary and i post a silly lil selfie when i go to therapy but clearly you don't know that #i literally am around children all day i know what is like to be a mom what do you know tho?#i actually REALLY hate when people compliment me when I'm just saying i don't like something is really annoying I'm just being polite #but you think you know everything and love to ride my dick so #anyway have a great day even tho you're really pathetic and i should know cause I'm also really pathetic #also can't spell 🫵 think you said something important 🫵

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fennecfiree · 2 months

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Tw vent in tags uh ed

Sobbing to this uh

#vent tw uwu #i haye myself so much lalala #i cant even fucking just starve myself cuz my parents have to give me food and now they want me ro eat onfront of them so i cant just throw #it out #im tryinf to eat 500 cals a daybut it keeps being 800 #im literally fucking discusting bro #its so hard to hide my eating disorder when i had this SAME ed when i was 7 ans now if i dont eat one meal my parents are concerned #ive just been feelinf like shit the past like #4 fucking months #im going to school in September and im tryinf to starve myself as much as possible before then so i dont look like a ugly shit #but im just fuckinf failing #im suposed to be eating 300 or500 #but instead im eatinf like800 to 1000 on some days #some days i atleast get to 600 #ive bren doinf tgis shit for a month and.ive only lost.like 4 pounds #sometimes i just feel likr laying in my room all day and fuckinf rotting #eating only fucking gum and drinking monster or smth #i hate this and i know its stupid and i know i dont want to die but i KNOW this kills #i almost died when j was 7 from it #and i dont want to die #but i dont want to get better #anyway the main person keeping me alive in this shit is my poopir #egg 🐻#Spotify

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mistninja · 5 months

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Almost done watching alabasta. It's even better than I remember

#PEAK #maria watches one piece #things netflix is likely going to cut from the last episodes:#1. thos dumb guards that tried to take croc by using a suicide drug #2. water luffy. i love it but its too goofy for live action #3. the bomb timer will probably be longer maybe an hour. no way all this is happening in less than 30 minutes #4. not a cut but im 100% sure they will make a vivi/koza romance i mean it kinda is implied already and it has that star crossed lovers vibe #i hate to think of straight vivi but if they were pushing for zoro and nami they will push for vivi and koza #5. i hope they dont cut that usopp was the one to give nami the clima tact I WILL KILL MYSELF if they take even more from me #they cant keep erasing the nami and usopp bond #6. shaka might not make it folks i can see them merging shaka and pell into one another to save time

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butnotbubblegum · 2 months

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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rapidhighway · 1 month

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Hnngg

#im so stressed ughhhhh #this divorce is gonna end me man though im probably stressing out over nothing AGAIN #like tomorrow my dad's bringing some expert to the house to put a price on the house #and i literally have no idea whatever that's gonna be how we are gonna pay that shit lmaoo #also i just really don't wanna be there or be with them in the same house god i hate it when they're near each other #i am..... going through it more than i probably should since I'm an adult now n stuff but whatever #it's not like i can just stop feeling all this distress and grief n shit especially since he's already found a girlfriend #with kids and stuff and they've already been going to my grandparents ughhh i feel thrown away you know #it hasn't even been a year it's pissing me off so badly #i feel like killing myself every time i think about tomorrow and then I feel even worse when i think about later ughhh #i shouldn't be so distressed i really shouldn't #especially since I've been living my life on an incredible streak of luck so.#whateverrrrr #uhh like comment and subscribe #vent #i just gotta. cause there isn't anyone here i can really talk to since #everyone sees this so much more differently and sis is just always telling me im making it into something bigger than it is #but it's really stressing me out #idk i fear this is not gonna end nicely I don't even see him anymore #and it literally hasn't even been a year but he's not really talking to me but at the same time i don't really #feel like talking to him either so who knows uhh..

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unicornsaures · 6 months

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i have. so much hw to do. but. i NEED to draw. and write. so many ideas swirling in my brain. need to draw the pretty boys..need to write modern laurens..need to turn the concept in my mind that is lams into a physical form i can see with my own eyes..

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suncaptor · 7 months

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Maybe I need adderall with adjunct meds. Only probably is I can't tolerate anything and the fact adderall hasn't triggered a bunch of neurological issues is so good I don't want to press my luck by being stupid with an ssri.

#like it doesnt help my executive dysfunction :/ if it did itd be..miracle drug.#it helps me be more present in a dazed way i used to hate but i am thanking for now because i dont care about being dazed anymore lol #i think it might be something i just used short term though idk while i stabilise :/ but i will take what i can get now.#if all my energy is not solely going towards not killing myself im happy even if my energy instead is going on many useless trains #incoherents

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