#i hate fake stickers in books!!!!!!!

[celticwoman]

beloveds is anyone currently reading anything?

[manonamora-if]

What are your main criteria to judge if a book is worth reading or for you to recommend it to others?

I tend to pick books based:

on authors I've read before

on recommendations from others (thank you, my local librarian, I love you)

the book cover (I do the same with wine)

I do still check the blurb before taking a book.

And for recommendation:

Did I legit had fun reading it or was it super interesting?

Does it match with the person I'm recommending it to? (I'm not recommending a thriller to someone who's not into it)

[caffeinated-bibliophile]

I wish Book of the Month didn't ruin book covers ☹️

[infernalcrypt]

yeah!!!

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

Yandere Brother Pt 3

Tw: suffocating unbearable love, violence, general yandere, female reader shenanigans, infantilization, and of course incest. also christmas

minors and ageless blogs dni please <3

click here for part 1 and part 2

Click here for my new oc Yves (PLEASE READ IT I LOVE YVES)

plotholes and emglish errors everywhere and i could not be bothered :100emoji: please dont point it out thanks xoxo

Caught the Covid fuk now i cant leave my bed im so damn sick and pukey all the time, i dont fuckin know where my roommate is but at least they're not here to get infected, feeling like a busted up rustbucket rn

So this was originally written last year, couldnt find what else to write but this christmas time is perfect, so like dont mind the shoehorning of Christmas somewhere in this fic

You're having your summer break and you plan to pick up on a new hobby. Crocheting, perhaps.

Fuck, your brother picked up your search history from his spyware. Now you're left to deal with $1000 worth of wonderful quality crocheting materials and your big brother being your personal crocheting mentor.

This is where it gets frustrating. Yes, if you have the resources, you would enjoy your hobbies more. But, just like... What if you didn't like crocheting in the end? You're stuck with all these.

It happens to every single potential hobby. Stamp collecting? Your big brother will bid to the death for an extremely rare stamp from the 1900. You're not even fucking collecting the stamps, the stamp book already comes arranged with all the stamps ever produced. A collection that would only give a hardcore stamp collector an instant orgasm upon sniffing it.

Nail art? Where the hell should you keep all the acrylic powders, fake nails, drills and drill bits? Not to mention the dizzying numbers of nail polishes, nail brushes, nail stickers and cuticle sticks. Of course, your big brother is going to hire a professional nail artist to make sure you're practicing your hobby safely while he's learning how to do it himself, so he could replace your mentor too. He would become so skilled that he could qualify to open up a 5 star nail salon. But he's not interested unless you are.

Painting? you absolutely do NOT need all of those tubes of paint. The difference in shades for some of them are so small that you mistook it for the same colour. You would have a headache choosing the right type of paper, right type of primer and right type of fixative to use.

Are you having troubles on painting? Let big brother teach you. You would sit on his lap as he guide your hands across the canvas. Don't you think his warm hand enveloping yours feel nice? Doesn't his free hand feels nice sensually rubbing your thigh? Don't you just feel protected in his hold?

Makeup? Same situation with your nail hobby. You're essentially being babied by him and experienced celebrity makeup artists, you would drown in a mountain of eyeshadow palettes, primers, setting sprays, skin care products, anything and everything related to makeup.

Every instrument ever? Big brother would insist lovingly providing all the music lessons you need. He is a musical prodigy after all. If it's something ridiculously obscure like a Glass Armonica or the Theremin, big brother would master it in a couple of weeks, earn a fucking pHD in it and THEN teach you. No instrument is too expensive or hard for him. Your big brother is crossing his fingers HARD for you to have this hobby.

Chess? Oh, he is also a prodigy in it. He could teach you. Your chess pieces would be custom made to your liking, by the way. It would be the perfect density, perfect size, perfect texture for you. He knows what you like and you hate that.

Sports? Take a look at his "achievement room". It's filled to the brim with golden medals and trophies of every sport competition ever. He's not leaving you alone for this one.

Pottery? Welcome to your very own personal pottery studio, furnished with all types of drying racks, ovens, kilns, turntables and equipments you have never heard of. Big brother is always there to supervise you, making sure there won't be any accidents.

Cooking and baking? You get to have an industrial sized kitchen all for yourself. Everything is decorated such that it looks like you would be on television, starring in a cooking show. You don't need to clean anything, or prep anything, or actually do anything, really. There's a team of professional chefs and assistants to do everything for you. They're paid to cheer and clap and celebrate when you pour cake batter into a pan.

Gardening? Well, there's a massive plot of fertile land for you to garden to your heart's content at the house he bought as your 18th birthday gift. If you want a big project, it will be done overnight. You wouldn't hear the gigantic machineries and vehicles tumbling about due to the soundproof walls he installed. No one would be able to hear you both either, doing god-knows-what inside.

Video games? Your big brother personally do not encourage you to pursue this. But... Nonetheless, he would spoil you rotten with all the latest gaming consoles, limited edition merchandises, pre release copies of your favorite game franchises and whatever your gamer heart desires. All at a hefty price of... Daily cuddles and kisses. And you also have to move in with him. And he gets to decide what game you're playing, if he deems it a "bad influence"? It is not staying in his house.

You rather not.

Nothing is fun because the fun parts are already done for you. You don't get to experience the highs and lows of picking up a hobby, you don't get to explore and experiment. You're literally cursed with luxury.

So imagine your boredom, stress and paranoia during summer break. All your friends are spies for your brother, your hobbies aren't even "yours", leaving your house would inevitably lead you to your brother and all digital footprints are heavily scrutinized by him too. No privacy, no autonomy, all monotony.

You juggled three smartphones at once. Throwing one up in the air, catching the other one with your dominant hand, throwing the last to your other hand. Who gives a damn if one, or all of them breaks? It's riddled with spyware and your big brother would buy you every time a new model is released anyways. Which is... A new phone, a month?

You stopped caring where he gets the money. Obviously he has an assload and can afford to wipe his ass with thousand dollar bills regularly.

It's summer break. One last resort to try and spend your time like a regular ol teenager is taking up a part time summer job. There is a wide variety of jobs to choose from with your qualification. Granted, it's minimum wage and mostly customer service.

If you work as a barista, the cafe or juice bar you'll be working at will LOVE the crap out of you.

Your older brother will visit daily and increase their sales tenfold. Of course, he would pick the drinks that you like doing. It's okay if you fucked up, its only your beloved big brother's order, you can add as much sugar, salt, pepper, cyanide as you want. He will never yell at you, never tell you that you made anything wrong or never even die.

The management will suddenly see a surge in daily customer count. Thanks to big brother's networking. And like him, they also will accept anything you make with no complaint... As per his instructions. You could go full on ridiculous and give them a cup of ice drizzled with strawberry scented dish soap and call it Tutti Frutti, they would still pay for it and take it with them. Though, you're not sure if they ever consumed anything from you.

Without fail, your brother would visit you during every break and hand you your meal along with a kiss on the forehead or the cheek. He would bring you out to eat but you would refuse everytime. You also didn't want his company, which made him pout and whine without fail. But it's nice that he would actually back off after the sixth "no".

However, you know that fucker is watching you from a hidden camera somewhere in the nooks and crannies of whatever breakroom you're resting in.

He would engulf you in a big hug when you get off work, telling you how proud he is of you for getting through another workday like a champ. Praising you for all the hard work and excellent performance, making sure to soothe and comfort you if you happen to come across a rude customer earlier in the day.

You try not to think too much about their fate.

You will be fed, bathed and loved after every shift.

Hell, he would even build up a company from scratch just to hire you. Any position you want, barista, manager, cashier, back office work, janitor- you name it, you get the "job" and get paid a pretty penny. All your other coworkers and customers are probably paid actors and actresses to simulate a "real life working experience" safely. He controls it all, making sure you have just the right amount of drama, the right amount of diplomacy and the right amount of gossiping. You're rarely pushed out of your comfort zone, though. Big brother always has your safety and best interests at heart.

Of course, he will never tell you all of this, to keep the immersion going. You're going to feel sad that you're not exactly experiencing reality. But a bastardization of it. Might as well star in a trashy reality TV show instead, at least, it's much more authentic than whatever your big brother has going on for you.

He doesn't need to even tell you though. You would pick it up easily and quickly especially if you already watched the Truman Show. Don't tell him you did, god help you if he ever gets an inkling that you knew about the existence of the Truman Show. He deemed that movie as demonic propaganda and he needs to lecture some sense into you. If you want out, just say that you're 'bored' and want to do something else. Your big brother will gladly drop everything and do anything in his power to help you "achieve" what you want.

But for the sake of "plot" in this latest installment, you agreed to work in a quaint little bubble tea stall. Where you're the only employee, making drinks for whoever is ordering in front of the shop's decorated window.

Of course, your big brother miraculously happens to work in a nearby skyscraper as one does. It's not that you didn't do your research, you were a hundred percent certain he didn't work in that building, because that fucker never goes to work... At least, physically. Perhaps he does his job, whatever that may be, through online means.

You were planning to use your bicycle to get there that you got yourself with "your" money. He never bought you a car or a bike or anything that would get you around, he saw it as something unnecessary. Why would you need it when big brother is available 24/7 to bring you anywhere?

Actually, you could have gotten yourself a car with the allowance he gives you every day for being cute and adorable, and being patient with his incessant kisses and hugs and cuddles and love and touches and his fucking insanity in general.

But you know that he's going to kick up a massive fuss about driving alone. It was hell to even get your license with him actively trying to sabotage you at every exam- which includes him stooping so low to bribe the examiner to fail you. However, you persevered, and you got that stupid license. All the while, he was lamenting about how you're going to leave him all alone, how you don't need big brother anymore, how society pressured you to grow up too fast and recklessly drive off wherever.

You knew better than to fall for that. Or even entertain it either. Eventually, he gave up trying to guilt trip you into crying, apologizing to him and sobbing in his arms, promising that you won't leave him.

It's not like he DIDN'T kick up a fuss when you said you're using a bicycle either. He began freaking out about your safety, fearing that you might get run over.

Well. You admitted defeat. He's driving you to fucking work and back. It's not worth it to fight this battle.

So you began working in the stall. You had someone train you for your first 2 weeks. Then you were on your own.

The owner, who is also the person who showed you the ropes around there, said business isn't good, but it isn't bad either. So you didn't need to worry about rush hour where hoards of thirsty, sleep deprived office workers trample over each other to get their daily boba fix. It's pretty peaceful working there.

But what you do need to worry about, is your fucking big brother.

He would come and buy a drink, whichever you like to make. It can be the most expensive one, or the cheapest one, the most elaborate one or the simplest one. It's up to you, he will pay for it and happily drink what you made.

You could make him pay for the most expensive drink there is but serve him a cup of lukewarm water, and he would still drink it with glee and fork over his money, telling you to keep the change (which is usually a hundred bucks extra).

Let's say you want to be decent and make him drink that you know he would actually like. Which is anything that tastes generally fruity. And insist that you like making it even though it actually sucks.

He knows. He can tell that you're specially making his favourite drink. And that makes him happy and more obsessed with you if that's even possible at this point.

He would leave a massive tip and a kiss on your forehead.

Although your brother is fucking gross and weird like that, you still love him. Probably a bad idea but you're working so hard, trying your best to earn money honestly just to get him a Christmas gift.

Despite the restraining order between your parents and him, your brother is still invited back home each year to be jolly together. Preparations start a few days before Christmas, where you would see an unusual sight.

All of your immediate family members in the same room, or at least in the same house together without fighting to the death. Your dad's bones are intact, your mom didn't have her insecurities jabbed on for once. They're not exactly on speaking terms, per se.

You woke up one morning to see an... appropriate sized tree for your parent's house, erected in the middle of the living room. Adorned with beautiful ornaments and... are those pictures of you on the ornaments?

Wrapped presents were patiently sitting under the tree. There was a small box with your father's name on its tag, another small one with your mother's name on it. A decent sized box was addressed to your brother, must be a combined present from your parents.

Your shoulders sagged in defeat when you saw your presents took up the perimeter of the tree and even conquered the couch, the back of the couch and under the coffee table. You lost count after gift box #27.

Since everyone is in the kitchen, you quickly place the presents you got for your parents... and your brother.

You panned to the fireplace. Your Christmas stocking is filled so much to the brim that your brother must have added 5 more next to your original one. Your parents' and your brother's stockings are relatively empty. You stuffed them with candies and nuts to make them look less embarrassing.

You straightened your back, that should do it. Your ears perked up when you heard some clamoring in the kitchen. It must be your brother.

You let out a surprised yelp when you're yanked back by a pair of arms that snuck around your waist. "Merry Christmas, my little wittle precious baby!" You squeezed your eyes shut and scrunched your face as he attacked you with a barrage of kisses.

He giggled and squealed as he held you in his arms and twirled you around in glee. You let out a scream of horror as your feet dangle off the ground. He does this every Christmas morning when you were a child to wake you up further and get you excited for the holiday. But you're not a kid anymore, and this is horrifying.

Finally, he stopped and put you down. Your hair is frazzled and the world around you is gyrating. He squeezed you in another hug and gently rocked you side to side.

He immediately unlatched when you said you're hungry. Your big brother gleefully lead you to the dining table, where he fixes up a napkin around your neck like a bib. You asked him why is he tying a ribbon on your hair, he said that you are his Christmas present and he is spoiling himself this year.

Before you could respond, he gave you a brief peck on the head before frolicking away into the kitchen.

Your parents came out of the kitchen, greeting you. They're holding a tray full of steaming hot breakfast foods, no doubt your brother forced them to make it for you. Every Christmas generated a metric ton of leftovers. It's because your brother wanted you to try all of the foods from all over the world. But don't worry though, the leftovers could be so intact that it was given out to neighbors and friends and extended families. Some didn't even need to cook after that, the sheer amount of leftovers was enough to fuel ten more Christmas gatherings.

Croissants, quiches, various types of bread, eggs, ham, bacon even panettone made from scratch. Looking at the spread in front of you is dizzying, your big brother sets down the last plate right between your hands. It's a breakfast plate your brother customized to fit your usual preference, everything is shaped into a heart. He patted your head as he took a seat next to you.

Everyone ate in silence. Everyone was focusing on their own meal except... your brother. Who else would rather stare at you adoringly instead?

He asked if you wanted to go make snowmen outside. Not without proper winter protection, that is. You shrugged, it's not like you could escape your family anyway. Your friends are all busy with their own families, and you don't even have friends. Everything is closed and if you lock yourself in your room, your brother will just pick the fucking lock and force his way in.

Your parents tried making small talk, this earned a feral glare from your brother because it interrupted the connection between the both of you. They paid him no mind and began asking about your life. You tiredly replied to their questions and asked some back yourself, to try to find any sense of normalcy. Your brother would be disengaged with the words coming out of your parents mouth, but highly interested in what you had to say.

The rest of the morning went by uneventfully. You offered to help clear the table and do the dishes. Your brother just 'aww'd at you and gave you an appreciative kiss on your forehead. That wasn't an explicit yes, he appreciated the gesture, but he wouldn't allow you to dirty your hands doing chores.

He told you to wait for him to clean up. In the mean time, he gave you permission to open some of the gifts he got you. Frankly, you don't even want to deal with it at all, it's just too much crap. You decided to go through the stockings instead and grab some snacks for yourself.

As expected, he filled it with the most expensive treats and the freshest oranges. These types of foods are usually served in a formal setting, like eating gold crusted caviar at a 10 star restaurant, all dressed up in fancy clothes. But he just... shoved it in a Christmas stocking as if they're mundane chocolates.

Whatever, you shoved some into your pockets.

You turned around to see your brother smiling lovingly at you. He wrapped a puffer jacket around you, his scarf with his cologne on it, a pair of thick mittens on your hands , a winter hat snuggly fitted to your head, and a pair of thick pants he made you wear in front of him.

He picked one of your numerous christmas presents and handed it to you. He clasped his hands together expectedly as he watches you.

Your brother urged you to open it, go wild. Rip the wrapping to shreds. You felt so bad seeing how well wrapped it is and the quality of the wrapping paper is... indescribably good. It doesn't even feel like paper, it feels like silk.

So your carefully dismantled it, trying not to tear anything. You look up to see that your brother is pointing his camera at you, capturing this very precious moment. He encouraged you to go on.

You managed to remove the packaging and revealed a box of expensive winter boots. These are high quality and you would have been the source of envy even though most of your "friends" are also from wealthy families. Not everyone gets to have these.

You appreciate it but... You already had a pair of winter boots, the ones from last year, and the year before that. And the year before that, and a week ago where your brother is freaking out about you potentially having frostbite on your toes.

"It's the latest model! It was released as a part of a Christmas special, it will keep you warm and protect your feet too. It was selling out fast, I'm so glad I managed to get a pair for you, I can't have my sweetiepie sad on Christmas day!" Gushed your brother. You slipped them on.

You can't tell the difference between the one you had last year and the one on your feet now. Maybe some minor difference in it's stylistic design but... they're equally as comfortable.

You thanked your brother and finally gave him what he actually wanted from all this: a hug. He put away his phone and returned the embrace, sinking so deep into your jacket that neither of you can move without stumbling. You know he expected you to show gratitude for all his gifts through his main love language; touch.

It is exhausting.

After that, he brought you out to his private plot of land which he made into a park, complete with swingsets, monkey bars and slides. But these aren't for the public, it's for you. All the equipment are well maintained and look brand new even though you know it's been there for years.

He's not fond of throwing snowballs because it could hurt you. But he allows you to throw as much as you want at him. Even after the stunt you pulled last year.

You packed snow around a rock and hurled at him with all your might, it went straight to his head and his right eye was busted for months. Your brother didn't see that as something wrong, though. Even if you tried to apologize, he said that it was an accident and it was alright, he still loves you dearly and you did 'nothing wrong'. The first thing he did after recovering from his injuries at the hospital is to take you out for hot chocolate and then give you a backrub back home because winter could make your muscles stiff; and hence you must feel strained and sore.

He was still mildly bleeding from his gauze at the time, it was covering at least 70% of his upper head. Your brother was clueless when you asked if he needs any painkiller for his recent injury. He claimed to not feel the pain, but his wincing tells you otherwise. He rewarded you for your concern nonetheless with hugs and kisses and another massage.

You laid yourself on the snowy ground and started making snow angels. Your brother had his camera out and began capturing every moment he has with you.

You felt uncomfortable. And the cold is nipping at your bones even though you're thoroughly insulated by the sophisticated winter gear your brother made you wear. You're ready to go home now.

It shocked your brother and made him a bit desperate. He stammered and stumbled over his words, asking you if you wanted to play on the swing, build a snow man, play on the slides, the merry go around and... throw snowballs at him. Are you cold? He was in the middle of removing his own jacket to layer it onto you, but you stopped him.

You said you're tired. You don't find this fun and you're too old for this.

Maybe you're thirsty? He packed a flask filed with steaming hot chocolate for you- no? You're not thirsty or hungry? Maybe you wanted to use the bathroom-- no? You don't have to go?

He tried listing out all the possible reasons you wanted to go home and all its' solutions. Desperately wanting you to stop growing up so fast.

You got sick and tired of this, you yelled at him at the top of your lungs that you wanted to go home. You then stormed away towards the car, leaving your brother to stand there in silence, his camera capturing your explosive outburst.

Your brother saw you slamming the door angrily as you got in.

He sighed, gulping and hovering his finger over the delete button. But he ultimately decided against erasing the footage, it's still a video of you after all. Your brother assured that he's coming to the car, he wipes a stray tear away as he heads to his vehicle.

The both of you stayed silent as he drove you home.

Once you arrived, you bolted out of the car and ran back in. Locking yourself in the bedroom and barricading the door with random furniture. Hugging your knees close to your chest as you pray that your brother does not go after you by climbing into your windows.

And... he didn't. He left you alone for once. For a few hours too. It gave you the much needed relief, you felt like you could breathe now.

You're starting to feel a bit hungry. And you're hungry enough to be willing to face your older brother. So you began unbarricading, placing your dressers to it's original place.

You carefully unlocked the door, fully expecting him to be waiting outside for you. To your surprise, no one was in the hallway. You could hear some noises downstairs, in the kitchen.

You cautiously went down, the tree is still intact. Nothing is broken and there doesn't seem to be signs of a fight. You released a breath that you didn't know that you were holding, happy to know that you don't need to spend another Christmas at the hospital visiting your badly battered parents.

You whipped your head to the sound of your brother calling your name softly. He's holding a baking tray and a bowl, you can't tell what is in there because he's too tall. He smiled at you as he set it down on the dining table. The tray contained freshly baked parts of a gingerbread house and the bowl contained vanilla frosting.

You scanned the rest of the table. There are numerous small glass bowls containing different types of candy and snacks; from pretzel sticks to colourful chocolate rocks, to real gold leaves. Piping bags with metal tips are present too next to a box of plastic gloves.

Your brother pulled your chair out and invited you to sit there. You did, and he called you a good girl. His good girl. As you put on a pair of plastic gloves, he kissed you on the temple.

You asked where your parents are. He said that they're preparing the food for dinner, which includes ham and a roast turkey. And 15 other dishes.

You quizzed on, asking if there will be more people coming in. He shook his head: no. It's only the four of you. In the meantime, you should enjoy yourself building this gingerbread house. He puts on his own pair of plastic gloves too and began filling the piping bag with icing.

The two of you worked in peace, you opting to decorate the house while he pipes the details on the gingerbread men.

There is only two, a large one and a smaller one. You can guess which represents who.

You noticed the odd choice of attaching the small one to the large one's torso. With strategic use of the candies and frosting, he made it look like the larger gingerbread man is carrying the smaller one on its hip. He piped your defining features onto the baby gingerbread, and piped his features on the larger one.

He noticed you staring, your brother asked if you had a hard time connecting the pieces with frosting and if you needed his help. You said no, you just need a spatula from the kitchen. He tried to get up from his seat, but you pushed him back down, saying that you can get it yourself. He pouted, telling you to be careful and not touch the knives or stoves. Your brother went back to obsessing over the details on his gingerbread men.

You went inside the kitchen and greeted your parents who are busy cooking. You go through the drawers to find a silicone spatula and decided to help pick up some stray food scraps on the floor, throwing them into the bin. But as soon as you step on the pedal and have the lid swing open, you saw two crushed, but perfectly edible, gingerbread men in the garbage bin.

You returned to the dining table to see that your big brother is proudly presenting his work. He said this represents you and him... as if you already haven't figured it out. He said he dreams of having you live with him in a perfect fantasy house, fantasy world where you never have to grow up. And he will always be there by your side, taking care of you till the end of time. You will be pampered and spoiled rotten, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to lift a finger. Your big brother will do everything for you. He would even breathe for you if he could.

You nodded in acknowledgement, too tired to engage with him. You sat back down, continued with the gingerbread house. You failed to notice the flicker of sadness in his eyes, your brother felt so neglected and unwanted these few years. He wished that you were a kid again so the both of you could play together and be happy. The more he tries to win your favour, the more distant you get from him. He is endlessly chasing and you are running non-stop.

The rest of the afternoon went by uneventfully, other than the fact that your big brother rests his head on your shoulder the whole time.

Now, it's time for dinner. You tried helping them bring out the dishes, your brother praised you for being a darling as usual. He lets you have the first bite of the turkey, tearing a small inconspicuous piece of flesh from the bird and hand feeding it to you. It's still warm, juicy and delicious. Maybe it's the feeling of being special that makes it even tastier.

You chew as you brought out the casserole, setting it down on the table.

You looked at the spread. It looks like a buffet at a high end hotel. So many varieties and extremely nutritious.

Your brother fixed your napkin bib for you again and took food for you. Slumping in your seat, you were thinking of protesting but you knew it's easier to just wait for him to carve the best parts of the turkey for you and let the food pile up neatly on your plate first. He returned it to you, all your favourite dishes are on it within sensible portions. But these are still a lot of food for a person.

He didn't care about praying. Your brother wanted you to eat as soon as possible because you must be hungry. And it is absolute sacrilege to let you go hungry.

You insisted that you join your parents in saying grace and you're not that hungry. Your brother looks uncomfortable, still believing in his sick mind that you're starving to the point of emaciation. But since you are adamant in doing such 'pointless' things In his mind, he agrees, only if he leads it.

Everyone bowed their head down and held each others' hands.

Your brother said the shortest, most insincere, laziest grace ever. Once he fulfilled your requirement, he urged you to eat.

You're upset, you felt really angry and you thought he was mocking you instead. So you opted to eat alone in your room, you made it clear that you didn't want anyone in. Especially not your big brother.

He cried out a desperate plea to get you to stay with him. You ignored him and took a couple more of your favourite finger foods. Predicting a fight between your brother and your parents.

You wrenched your arm away from his powerful grip and fled the scene, hurrying up the flight of stairs. Only slowing down when you're out of sight.

As you thought, sounds of verbal fighting started resonating throughout the house. You heard your brother screaming his head off at your parents for being bad influences and poisoning you to hate him. Your parents defended themselves and this only fuelled the fire. You didn't want to be around when your brother started hurling chairs, so you slammed the door as hard as you could. The sudden loud noise did stop the commotion downstairs briefly. But it continued soon after.

You ate alone, in your barricaded room. Wishing that you're born into a 'normal' family, with 'normal' trauma. To a lot of people, you are complaining about a blessing. But you are always feeling alone, the only person facing a problem which everyone sees as a solution.

You scraped the last bits of food with your spoon. Waiting for the sounds of the ambulance or at least for the fighting to quiet down.

You looked at the clock. It's 1 AM. It's been relatively quiet for a while now, they should be finishing up their fight or cleaning up. Time for you to return your plate.

You grunted as you pushed the furniture away from your door which felt like the umpteenth time. You left your room and head downstairs.

Hearing soft sobs from one person, your brother. He's sitting in front of the tree, hugging the present you left for him earlier. The presents addressed to your parents are both missing, presumably being taken back to their room. A blanket is loosely draped around his shoulders.

You took slow steps, unsure if you should comfort him or not. But before you can even decide to chicken out, he spotted you. However, to your surprise, he didn't approach you or tell you to come forward. He gave you a soft assuring smile, before returning his attention to the tree.

You set your plate aside and went by his side. Your brother watched you with puffy eyes full of love, yet it tells you that he has been irreparably hurt by something... or an accumulation of things.

"Thank you..." He whispered, refering to the gift you gave him. It isn't something particularly valuable to you. It's a picture of the entire family in a photo frame. Your brother is going to cherish it, because it is a gift from the person he loves most in the world. But deep down, he secretly wishes that it was a photo of you and him alone.

He still looks extremely upset and distraught. Almost like he is at the brink of a breakdown. Your brother usually verbalizes what he wanted, but he couldn't this time.

You wonder what your parents got for him. You peeked over his shoulder to see that an unopened box containing a plain T-shirt and a pair of socks is carelessly discarded to the corner of the room.

Then, it clicked. Just like you, he felt alone. Maybe you will never understand why he holds you so dear in his heart. Just like how no one will understand him either, his struggles are unique to him with no one to relate.

He destroyed the relationship between himself and your parents. His friends are all superficial. You're grown up and constantly rejecting his love.

Not a single one of you paid attention to him. Yes, it is hard to think of a present for someone who has everything. But they could have put in a bit more effort, the colour of the shirt and socks aren't even in his favourite colour or in the correct size. You could have removed your parents from the photo, your brother will never remove it himself. Because that would mean defacing your gift for him.

And growing up, your parents never saw him as... a person. As someone with feelings and a personality. They only saw his value as a trophy piece to show off to their friends and family. Same goes to his friends now, if it wasn't for his skills and possessions, he would be nothing to anyone.

He had to beg to be loved. Even that isn't reliable, he could give it his all and everyone around him will expect more. Your brother could never dream of being the receiving end of his own affection. It seems like an impossibility to him.

Perhaps he is doing all of these despite getting nothing but disgust and disdain from you is all to protect your innocence, to not put you through what he had to face. It's just that he went about it the wrong way. Or maybe he is just... wrong in the head. Or maybe he was hoping by loving you so much, you would give him the intense type of love he was yearning for his entire life.

Either way, he is alone.

The both of you are now seated in front of the fireplace. You didn't want to open presents, your brother is okay with that. He did not nag you to do it for once. Snuggling closer, the both of you shared a blanket. He still looks unhappy and crestfallen.

You remember you still had the ribbon bow on your head.

He hovered his arms around you as you squirm in his grip. You managed to crawl into his lap and rest your head on his chest. He lets out a chuckle and some sniffles, clamping his arms back down around you.

You reminded him of one last gift. Your brother is confused until he saw your ribbon.

From that moment on, he burst into tears of joy. He found you so unbearably adorable, so unbearably cute that his heart couldn't take it. An excited squeak escaped his lips as he held you even tighter. Peppering kisses all over your face, neck and head.

He started blabbering in baby talk, calling you every pet name and listing out everything he loved about his 'gift'. Repeating that this is the best gift he ever received and this is all he ever wanted. You are all he ever wanted. Praising that you remembered what he loves.

You hope that he could feel a little less lonely tonight. You can't peer into his head and know exactly what is going on inside. But you knew, he was happy.

Your breathing calmed him down and he closed his eyes, nuzzling against your neck. The collar of your shirt wet from his tears and your arms are secure around him. Your brother mumbled "I love you." as he adjusted you on his lap. Pressing your form against his, enjoying the heat that the both of you shared. Wishing that this moment will never end and you will never part from him.

You realized another thing too as he strokes your hair.

Your older brother is the only person in the world who harbors true, undying, unconditional love for you.

Even though he has his flaws, there will be no one else like him. Ever.

So you closed your eyes and melt into him. Just like before, you felt safe.

The both of you fell alseep in front of the hearth, surrounded by gifts, mostly unopened ones. Snowflakes floating down from the skies and landing delicately at the edge of the roof. Feeling unburdened and content in the living room.

Merry Christmas.

[journalsouppe]

APOLLO JUSTICE!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! What i would literally give to have a true AA4 sequel. I wholeheartedly believe if Yamazaki's team could ignore aa4 canon to make 5 & 6 then Shu Takumi should absolutely be allowed to ignore any 5&6 canon to make an aa4 sequel. I'm dying out here pleaseeeeee

The Phoenix sticker is from Peachcott. The Klavier sticker is from Ayabit from the Turnabout Cinema zine. The Apollo and Trucy stickers are from astarsor.

Writing typed below!

rating: 9.8 played: Fa 2023 port: 3DS favorite? Y replayable: Y recommend? Y series: Ace Attorney

Comments

THE JUDGE PAINTING

apollo's such a dork <3

ooo i like the perceive function

i love the music

DONT SAY THAT TRUCY T_T

there's so much going on in this investigation

wow i love how uneasy i feel even after the trial ended

LMAO I FORGOT ABOUT THE PHOENIX SEX PHOTO

i dont think y'all want your panties back...

klav's a bill and ted fan i see lol

LOVE mr eldoon's design 10/10

klapollo meet cute moment LMAO

oops ^^; i accidentally wrote a 600 word essay about the first case

i like how apollo cried over trucy

IT'S JUSTICE TIME??? T^T

i like klavier's hands a normal amount

alita must have some dirty fucking feet

the animations are so smooth

apollo being jealous of klavier at the concert and thinking he's cool LMAO

apollo is WHIPPED

trucy is KILLING it in court, she really is nick's daughter

klavier's shoe print *skull emoji*

out of pocket shiny forehead comment LMAO

lamiroir has similar vocal tones as malon!

THE PENIS FIRE AND KLAV PUTTING IT OUT IN THE BKGD

the smile and hair twirl klavier LMAO

why am i doing this music recording thing T^T

i dont like looking at daryan T_T

letouse kazuma moment lmao

capcom loves the face down death with writing on the ground huh LMAO

wtf is the judge talking about

i love all these scientific tests with ema! :)

i love the snackoos SFX

klav does not miss an opportunity to take a short at apollo's big forehead LMAO

APOLLO YOU DUMBASS

faking blindness is crazy

I KNEW IT WOULD BE DARYAN'S VOICE

klav's office is so much more normal than edgeworth's

WAIT IS IT GRAMARYE AND NOT GRAYMAYRE??

THE ANIMALS??

i love apollo and lamiroir goofing on klav

similar tech opening to brc

WTF WAS THAT KRISTOPH JUMPSCARE T-T

LORD DADDY???

oh he's insufferable

HOLY SHIT THAT'S WHY VERA IS STARING AT KLAV??

"rip off" phoenix is so real for that

are they injecting magnifi with piss??

im curious why kristoph would do this to phoenix

he just left his daughter???

tf is going on

T^T THE KRISTOPH ZOOM IN

why does klav have that egg from dragon tales

apollo understands me with mascots

this is so gay omfg

daryan not liking trucy means he goes even more into the shit book than before

apollo the journaling king

the x-ray function is a really fun addition

BABY TRUCY

omg phoenix with out the ugly hd redraw

GUMSHOE

he said it!!! he said 'ace attorney' lmao

i love and hate that i have to present the journal page

why does the screen shake when mr misham speaks T_T

THAT SCAR IS FREAKY

siblings omgggg

Summary:

I love this game so much. I love it so much that I am heartbroken knowing that AA 5 & 6 butchers the story it setup and I'm considering not even playing them unless AA7 is announced. I love all the main characters so much, the whole story was so well built and I can def see the influence the story had on DGS. Apollo is such a good protagonist, he's relatable but also so unique. I love seeing his character progression in the game: a new attorney who is easily manipulated to a confident and determined attorney who trusts in his own judgement. I LOVED Klavier oh my god. I love how much he respects Apollo and although he doesn't hesitate to tease him, he doesn't bully or abuse Apollo in any way. They both have a mutual admiration and rivalry where they try to play as fairly as possible. Klav doesn't maliciously withhold or change evidence, but he does spend hours reviewing his arsenal and thinks of all the counter arguments the defense could bring up. I really like Apollo's ability, it continues the mystery and mysticism from the original trilogy but with new mechanics. I adore Trucy so much. She honestly might be my favorite AA character. She's determined, strong willed, and above all -- extremely silly. I couldn't of asked for a better character to be Phoenix's daughter. I also LOVE the sibling reveal at the end but gdi if only they actually figure it out T^T T^T. I think Apollo and Trucy's dynamic is probably my favorite Defense and assistant dynamic. This who game was so fun, I know 4-3 is not everyone's favorite and it is a little all over the place but I also enjoyed it and loved the premise. There's so much to say, I haven't even talked about Nick and Kris - what an incredible feud, what a genius development for Nick. I cannot recommend this game enough, I am so obsessed with it and cannot wait to make art <3 <3.

[alexsshittyworld]

Jenna Ortega mentioned that Wednesday and Xavier should just be best friends and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it so here are my head canons:

- Enid finishes class an hour later than them on Tuesdays and usually comes back to the dorms to find them napping on Wednesdays bed in the matching skeleton onesies she bought them (they always tell her they hate them but she knows the truth) but one time she came back and they were sitting on the floor in the middle of the dorm room in dead silence just drawing dead bodies, to this day they still haven’t told her if those dead people were visions or just them being weird. To be honest she doesn’t really want an answer anyway because both options sound terrible.

- Wednesday sucks at understanding her emotions so when she’s not sure how she feels about someone she just takes notes about how she feels and acts around those people and then sits Xavier down for as long as it takes to go through her notes and understand how she feels (it’s how they realised their relationship was more of a sibling thing then a romantic thing, it’s also how they find out Wednesday was hopelessly in love with Enid)

- Xavier once asked Wednesday to be his fake girlfriend in front of his dad and she answered that she would rather rewatch « Legally blonde » then have people think she is straight. (she still did it)

- The first time Xavier is invited at the Addams house, he cries when Morticia hands him a sandwich cut in the form of a human skull because « Fuck, my mommy issues are strong. »

- He once told Wednesday that he wouldn’t be able to hang out for a week because he had an English test while she was on call with Gomez and the older man made sure to call back after the test to ask how it went.

- Wednesday drags him in a bookstore at least once every week and he always stands right behind her while she looks at the shelfs so that no one can accidentally touch her while going through the isle they’re in. Sometimes when she is tired she leans back against him (the same way someone would lean against a wall) while she looks at the books.

- Pugly gave Xavier a sticker that says « family’s favorite white boy » and he put it in his sketchbook next to the sticker Enid gave him that says « favorite himbo <3 »

- They once swapped parfum and body wash to mess with Enid’s wolf and regretted the next day when the whole school started calling them « Nevermore’s emo twins » (« If you don’t take this off your blog I will be taking you off the surface of this planet. » « Aww i love you too, babe. »)

- He uses Wednesdays shoulder as an armrest and gets punched in the ribs for it most of the times.

- Enid and Ajax have to basically feed them because they always forget.

[footballffbarbiex]

Blank Space. Chapter One

player: antoine griezmann words: 1214 summary: being a single mom isn’t easy, more so when it’s plus one season and invites are through your door on a monthly basis but with no-one to take. Tired of the pitying glances and coming up with excuses, you decide that a plus one is just for the night, and that can be bought. But what if that hourly booking isn’t enough, but the boyfriend experience comes at too much of a cost? series warnings: sex work (male escort), single mom client, swearing bc it's me, unrequited love (OR IS IT?), angst (bc apparently i like to put Anto through the fucking wringer.) probably more but i can't think straight rn.

I can’t remember if I shared this here, but I’m really excited for this series. Lemme know what you think. 

-

The door has barely had time to close when you’re already dropping your bag to the floor and shrugging out of your coat. You toe your shoes off, knowing that you’ll hate yourself a little tomorrow when you see the creases in the back of them but you’re too tired from work to care right now. You scoop your bag back up and drape it over a coat hook before scooping up today’s post from the doormat and heading down the hallway and flicking on the heating without missing a step.

James won’t be home for a while, the childminder isn’t due for another two hours, giving you the chance to finish off dinner and get a bath ready for him. Stepping into the kitchen, you breathe in the scent of the contents of the slow cooker and the rumbling in your stomach reminds you of the lunch that you skipped earlier. Skipped or forgot because you were so rushed off your feet? No matter the reason, the result is still the same and this has you reaching for a snack while you check over the envelopes and leaflets that have come.

Trash. Trash. Trash. Trash.

They fall to the counter top one by one as you look over them. Some are promising guaranteed credit card acceptance with an extortionately high APR, some are designed to look like letters but are concealing house buying promises from estate agents. A few are small booklets with the latest deals from stores begging for you to spend money. And one, in a carefully tied envelope that can only mean one thing.

You pause chewing as you turn it over, the edges perfectly sealed but the bottom of the envelope flap has been secured anyway with a small return address sticker. You knew because of the handwriting on the front and your stomach drops at the thought of attending another event alone. It’s opened within seconds, a careful slice to the top with a knife, even though you have a letter opener somewhere that your neighbour gave you after she saw you do exactly this.

You scan the information, take in the intricate details and know that these were professionally made. Not that you expected anything different, the bride-to-be had always been anal about details and making sure everything was just so, the wedding would be no different. The wedding invite falls on top of the pile and you push away from the counter as you debate what to do.

Of course stepping through the doors is easy. Mixing with others, especially those that you know, is simple. But summoning the energy, putting on a fake smile when people ask “so, bring a plus one?” and you can see the hope in their eyes that you’re bringing someone who isn’t a friend? That takes some doing. Having to explain why you haven’t yet found that “special someone” is draining. It’s not that you’re not happy for those whose weddings or baby showers you’re invited to, it’s the constant justification of why you’re surviving without a man.

You’re too hungry to think about this on an empty stomach and the need to get out today’s clothes is strong.

-

With dinner consumed and your favourite glass of wine in hand, you’re browsing every streaming site you subscribe to. James is sleeping soundly upstairs, his heavy breathing borderlining a gentle snore. He’d come home, boisterous, loud and chaotic in all the ways a little boy can be. He’d returned home with tales from nursery, little things that had made him laugh and stories he’d wanted to remember tell you. He’d gobbled up his food, his feet swinging in the gap between the seat and the floor. He’d barely left anything on his plate, slurped up his juice before playing a little before it was time for bed.

After kisses, cuddles and with a nighttime story read, James had fallen asleep before you’d reached the last page. You’d brushed his hair aside and given him a kiss on his forehead before ensuring he was fully tucked up and asleep before making your way back downstairs and getting comfortable on the sofa.

Selecting something as more background noise than anything, your mind drifts back to the invite. You weigh up the pros and cons of both attending and refusing to go. Both have their own perks, but very different outcomes. One would leave you feeling almost less than a person, again, and the other would leave you happy to be at home but judged and most likely shunned from any events in the future - even if you had someone to accompany you.

Humour, almost sarcastically really, has you reaching for your phone and loading up the web browser and typing “where to loan a plus one”.

You didn’t believe for a second that you’d get an actual hit. Of course, almost everything has a result, but more often than not it’s not what you want. But instead, you find yourself with several pages of results and all of a similar nature. You weren’t a prude or at the thought of being behind by several decades, but you hadn’t expected to see the options for this kind of question being from escort agencies.

Intrigue had you clicking and reading over the information there. Some of it was new. You’d genuinely believed that booking an escort was mostly for one thing. Here it details many different options and prices, ranging from hourly rates, 6 hour blocks, overnight stays which can include “the relationship package”, or dates.

You found yourself clicking on what counted as a date and found that many bookings, for all their escorts, were for work events, weddings and anything else that required a plus one. You’d never considered this as a possibility. Didn’t know if you were considering this as an option now. Wouldn’t it be easier to just not go than pay for someone to pretend they’re interested in you?

You’re already here so there’s no harm in clicking on a few profiles as you hypothetically pick out a date. You can see why people would pay for these men, they were beautiful. On their profiles, they have sections which state their expertise. Some are given glowing reviews for their boyfriend experiences, for their ability to put their clients at ease. Some are incredible with their hands or mouth, some exceed in oral. Some are listed as “above average” and some have preference for plus size. There was truly something for everyone. In a way, there was too much choice.

You’re about to click off when a picture gets your attention. Blue eyes under beautiful lashes. Soft dark blonde hair that begs to be touched. A kind and handsome face which, as you flick through the available pictures for him, turns into far more gorgeous when he smiles. His reviews were good. Better than good. He was the perfect choice for a boyfriend experience, would always be on time for event plus ones and took the time to do his research for them - not wanting to leave anything to chance and reveal that this was a very different situation to what you’d claimed you would imagine.

You weren’t considering it before, but this man, this profile, it made you question everything.

[pbandjesse]

I was not as miserable today as I worried I would be but I also wasn't having a great time. I just really wanted to be home. I am struggling a bit but I am trying my best. And I did try very hard to be positive today.

I didn't sleep amazing. My wrist hurts very very bad and I ended up sleeping with a wrist brace which helped in the moment but my wrist still really bothered me when I woke up.

So I wasn't in an amazing headspace but I got up and got cleaned up. I felt very cute. I liked my earrings and I liked my hair and that made me feel better about stuff.

James helped me carry some stuff to the car and gave me extra hugs before I left to go to camp. And the drive wasn't horrible but it wasn't the best. People honking and being loud and I was just getting really overstimulated. Once I got away from the city it would calm down. The real issue was that my phone was struggling to stay connected to the car screen and I was just really frustrated with that.

I got to camp at 8 and went up to the art building to drop off the materials I had borrowed. And then went to the office to answer emails.

I had to make a logo for the festival I have coming up. And I would use one of my stickers as the main image. The person I sent it to said it's perfect and that is good. And I would just work on some computer tasks for a bit.

Eventually I would measure out all my yarn for my knitting. Got all caught up. Sarah would come in while I was doing that and we would discuss camp food and the menus I worked on. It was nice to talk through stuff.

I would do some small projects for Heather. And I just appreciated having something to do. I would do my own thing. Then a small task. Just back and forth all day.

I was still struggling though and I very much felt like I was bothering people when I would also for direction. It was not great. But I tried and since I was getting nothing I would start reading my book and play a game on my tablet and just did what I could.

At 1230 I had my call with Parker. I couldn't get my laptop to run the zoom so we just talked on the phone but we have a good idea for a workshop series and I now have one workshop a month with them starting on May! I'm very excited and I hope it works out.

We did have big laughs when we finally found something I can't do. Origami. I just cannot do it. I have tired. My mom even got me a good this year but for some reason I just can't figure it out. I can't get the folds right. But I have many other talents and skills so I don't feel to bad.

The afternoon would go pretty quick. I would take a walk to nature to spray down Sadie the snake's tank and look for some fake aquarium rock pieces of decor I had left there two summers ago. And I was able to find them so I was pretty excited about that.

I would take my time getting back and when I did I would not have much to do. Once Heather was back I chatted with her and she had me answer some emails and it was nice to have something to do. I also checked in with Elizabeth about the field trip tomorrow. I am running low ropes and I hate setting that up but it's all good. I brought the key home with me so I can do it right away in the morning.

I would finish up and left right before 4. I wanted to go right home and do some stuff before I headed to target while James was recording their podcast. And this would be a nice way to spend the evening.

When I got home I was really happy to see James. And we would hug on the couch and talk. I had to send a quick email. And then vacuumed the frog tank and added in the rock decor. We chatted and hung out for a little longer. But around 5 I would head out again.

I drove to target. I went to five below first but it was messy in there so I didn't stay long.

Target was better. I got the three things I was there for. I smelled all of the body wash. I looked at the makeup. I people watched. I listened to my podcast. It was fun.

Next I went to the pet store. I did not have luck there. But I enjoyed looking at the fish and the rodents. I wandered around there for a bit. But I was hungry and would head out quick.

I went to Wawa. But I did not enjoy my sandwich and that was really disappointing. I ate in the parking lot. But then for really really upset on the drive home because my phone would not connect and the sun was in my face and I was just having a terrible time. But I would get home and would calm down and everything would be okay. It was not fun for a bit there though.

James didn't know I had gotten home. But at 730 they came downstairs and were all excited to see me and I was excited to see them. It was a nice way to reset.

James would make themselves dinner and get me some ice cream. And we would finish watching the Quiet on Set documentary. Which was really good. And sad. I had to play a game on my phone for a little because it was so sad and I couldn't totally focus on it. But it was a really good doc and I would recommend it.

Now though we are all just chilling. I am ready to go shower and hopefully sleep better tonight.

I am really hoping the field trip tomorrow is fun and the kids are chill. We have two field trips this week and I'm honestly really looking forward to it. I am really hoping it's like a reset and I can be happy and focused on work again.

I hope it's nice tomorrow. And I hope you all have a great night. Sleep well. Be safe. Until next time

[wench-and-jezebel]

Red, White, and Royal Blue Reaction:

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) and Wench (@scripted-downfall) react

J: Whooooop whooooop!

W: And now we begin the film that has had my react partner cheating on me for a week I mean what

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ No, no, is true.  This has been my whole personality

W: Believe me, I'm aware

– – – 

J: Not Alex “yucking her yum” over this wedding

W: Translation: "I'm smitten, Nora, dear, and utterly annoyed about it"

J: Bea!!

J: Alex buddy just say you have a crush

W: To be fair, his criticisms aren't like they were in the book.  They're not ugh he's too perfect and gently chivalrous and I must poke anymore :(

J: Buddy #2 just say you have a crush

W: Bruh, what was that greeting, Alex?

J: Oh, boy.  Oh, this will go well!

W: I'm preemptively cringing over this cake and what is about to happen

J: Right?

J: Men and their obsession with height

W: Henry looks so shell-shocked

J: Yes Alex that’s helping.  Let’s just keep smearing it around 🤣🤣

W: Bruh, I hate Philip already

J: Right!?!

W: What would my family say if they knew I was watching this rn

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: That is also on the topic of bad reputations... as mine would be shot

J: Zahraaa

W: SARAH SHAHI, MY BELOVED

J: I have been trying to not think of it being connected to the book ☠️☠️ cause I know they’re gonna change stuff

W: lkasjdf not gallons of tea

J: I love Uma Thurman

W: White House pillow fights, hell yeah!

J: I LOVE ZAHRA

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ ZAHRA you’ll regret saying sending Alex over soon, ma’am

W: Alex is gonna change his mind about David the dog real fast

J: “He is super cute”  Ahh I love him

W: SHAAN! alksjdf;lkasjfd I love him

J: Oh god ☠️☠️ Henry: let me show him how cool I am!  Zoom zoom

W: Brings out the good ol' Aston Martin

J: That smirk when he says "your wearing lifts"

W: You know.  When I envisioned that scene, I assumed they were.  actually competent at faking affection

W: … Once again.  Once again.  I thought they were supposed to be good at this.

J: ☠️☠️☠️  Whaaaat? You can’t tell they are so totally frien-

W: This poor man dealing with Alex's b.s.

J: "White blonde and British"?? What?!

W: BARBARA STREISAND?  NOT BABS!!!

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: Henry looks so scandalized

J: Oooop!

W: THE CLOSET SCENE

W: Bruh, they're starting the complimenting already

J: Ahhh I keep typing then getting distracted

W: I adore Henry, just btw.  He's my chosen character in this

J: 😂😂😂

W: Despite the aesthetics, he's the burnt marshmallow, actually

J: Amyyyyy

W: It’s sad that they cut the Star Wars conversation

J: I knowww

W: "People kill to get into my New Year's party!"  "That's perfect: they can kill me so I don't have to go!"  I love it

J: Oooop!

J: Well he’s already gone for Alex

W: HEY, WAIT, I LOVE HIM!  Clifton Collins, Jr.

J: Ooop 👀👀

W: My dude is flirting

J: Ooooop x2

W: Is this Liam, you think?

J: He said Miguel

W: I know.  But there was no Miguel in the book.  I'm saying, do you think he's standing in for Liam

J: Oh you mean just like supposed to be- yeah seems like it

J: Buddy using emoticons

W: alskdjf;laskjdflaksjdflkajdsf Those aren't emoticons; they're like.  stickers, or whatever

J: Or no it’s Bitmojis! ☠️

W: I still love the "But we were ever so careful, dear" line. One of my favourites

J: I knowww lol

W: DORIAN GRAY IS SO GOOD

J: ☠️☠️☠️

W: NO, NOT HIM DISSOLVING INTO BUTTERFLIES!  I'm going to cry in Hua-Cheng-coding

J: You mean the scene changing?

W: The butterflies

J: Oh!!

W: You'll figure it out when you finish the books.

J: Soooooon!!

J: Not the Turkey ☠️

(begin flashback to Wench's Discord conversation/reaction to RWaRB, the book!)

– – – 

W: The turkeys ☠️ wtf are they being pardoned for??? I'm so confused

J: You didn’t know about this!?!?

W: No??

J: It’s a stupid af tradition the president pardons a Turkey on thanksgiving

W: ... wot. Why?

J: I have no idea

W: I'm looking this up *pulls up Wikipedia* *reads for five minutes* OH MY GOD THERE WAS A WHOLE RIVALRY

J: lol

W: This is actually really funny... not so much the pardoning bits, but what started it all. Basically, this dude Horace Vose started presenting dressed turkeys to the president , until some other dude decided that his turkey tasted better than Vose's and presented his own turkey instead. The prez then started receiving turkeys from literally EVERYONE, and this escalated to the point that Coolidge banned the practice... And then, the second he lifted it again, was flooded by turkeys, as well as an array of other animals, including a live racoon named Rebecca. Coolidge refused to eat her and named her a White House pet)

W: Okay, back to reading

Present-day W: (or, rather, watching!)

– – – 

J: This scene is cute

W: Hey look, it's our dynamic! "What's x"  "Look it up"

J: ☠️☠️☠️ ANYWAY.  THIS IS CUTEEE

W: Man is a liar

J: that was the yesest nope ever

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: “They wouldn’t [like him better] if they knew him”  Liar x2

J: Right?! 😂

W: Henry is about to gay panic for three hours straight

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ poor buddy!’

W: Fellas, is it gay to stare at your best-bro-pal-buddy's lips wrapped around a bottle?

J: I knowwwww

W: I love that the tie isn’t grey

J: PEZ

W: HELL YEAH

J: Ohhhhhhoooopp

W: Poor Henry looks so awkward when she sits on Alex

J: Oh god the flashbacks of school dances

W: I never went to any, so I am immune

J: OH GOD NOW THISSSS IS A FLASHBACK TO HS!  THIS DAMN SOMG

W: This poor man

J: ☠️☠️☠️ hennnryyyyy

W: Poor Henry

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: Henry is legit me idk what you mean. Pop culture? Never heard of her? Dancing? Does English country dancing suffice? Non-80s-era pop music? What's that?

J: Here, yes, that's true... I still maintain Alex reminds me of you, though! Not to a T.  Just qualities

W: You've still yet to point out... where. Or how. I still don't see it; you need to hurry up and explain

J: Like the over working himself

W: That's not exactly unique to him tho

J: I’ll explain after

W: Ugh, fineeee. Probably best; I’m getting behind on the transcript

J: Same!  My brains can only do so much at once lol

J: Oh god Henry’s little smileee and then oooop 🥺  (And by little I mean it WAS covering his whole damn face)

W: I knowwwww

J: OPPPOPPPOOOPP

W: wtf was that, Jezebel?

J: Shut up

J: 👀👀👀👀👀 Henryyy 🥺🥺

W: Alex -> “Who would you be, if you were an anonymous person in the world" Henry-> "Gay"

J: ☠️

W: Sorry, I had to

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ You should be sorry, I ficking almsot choked

J: ahhhhhhh

W: Man's boutta bolt so quickly

J: AGHHHHHH

W: Oof, or not, actually.  That was decidedly not bolting.  Alex had all the opportunity

J: 😂😂

W: And now Alex shall ghost him for a month while they're both gay panicking

W: OH THAT'S NOT FAIR!  HE DOESN'T GET TO TEXT "ARE YOU ALIVE?" AFTER I JUST SAID HE WASN'T ME 

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ Hahahahahaha! Thank you movie Alex

W: Shut up

J: 😂😂 oh shut up Nora you did not

W: She is exquisite

J: She is!!

W: What.  tf.  was that football vs. rugby thing

J: ☠️☠️☠️ Wot? Does that even mean??

J: Buddy you really ARE as thick as it gets

W: Yeahhhhh

J: Oooop

W: Okay, guess Liam and Miguel are different

W: lasdjflksajdf I love you, Nora

J: ☠️☠️☠️

J: Oh.  Boy.  👀  Guess we will see how spicy these two are gonna get

W: Shush shush

J: Cause I ain’t heard a single f bomb yet ☠️

W: alksjdflkajsf that's very true

J: Buddy is zoned out Miguel you’re talking to a wall

W: I love Amy

J: 😂😂😂 Amy!

W: Buddy.  Calm tf down.  aksdjflkasjdflksajf You posing is not that significant

J: “I don’t know what to do with my hand”

W: "How can I look most James Bond?"

J: 👀

W: THE GENTLENESS OF HIS ARM GESTURE TO BREAK ALEX'S HOLD!!!  DID YOU SEE THAT

J: I ddddidddd

W: Poor Amy

W: HENRY WHAT ARE YOU DOING

J: HENRY WHAT ARE YOU DOINF

W: alskdjf;lkasdjf

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: Poor Henry

J: Actually, they may be on the floor again… eventually

W: alksjdflkajfds

J: Oh god ☠️☠️☠️

W: Poor Henry aldskjflaksjfd

W: I wish they hadn't cut out the God Save the Queen thing

J: I knowww

W: Oop, hello Henry

J: I feel like I being a damn peeping Tom rn

W: Henry heard "love at first sight" and went BET

J: 👀👀👀

W: That.  was not that explicit

J: Fair

W: That was addressing the rating thing, not you 🙄

J: Im starting to lose my optimism

J: “I’m bisexual” Oh.  Oh really?  You are?  You don’t say ☠️

W: I love Henry.  And his maypole comment

J: Henry should have been like well I’m straight and sat back while Alex imploded

W: alksjdflkasjf yeahhhh!  "Best bro besties do this all the time"

J: Mhmmm yep for sure

W: Which, tbf, Alex full-on thought, so

J: ☠️☠️

J: THAT LOOK ☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: I'm finally caught up on the transcript 😭

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ Oh noooo

W: See, I told you they'd be montages!

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ "How many names do you have?"

W: Oh, not many... Just five

W: I take it back… Make that six

W: SIR

J: ☠️☠️☠️

W: HENRY!  THAT!  LAKSJDF;LKASJDF

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️ And the smug smirk after

W: Damn, homophobic grandfather instead of homophobic grandmother

W: Ooh, Alex, buddy, dealing with having a family like Henry's ain't that easy ngl

J: Yeahhhhh, that was very you-coded (Henry I mean)

W: Haha, let's go, expert-chameleons-in-a-homophobic-family squad

J: Budd- Ooop

J: Back to what I was saying... buddies that windows open

W: This is as bad as those spy/assassination movies where the target stands in front of the window

J: Right!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

W: Also, in the book, we did know they got a fuzzy photo at some point.  With a long-range camera.  Maybe that's this

J: Trueee

W: Okay, ig this is the true measure of the rating

J: Welp

W: The key 😭

J: With the key on!?

W: Oi, shush shush

J: 👀

J: 👀👀👀👀👀

J: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

W: You good?

J: *no answer*

W: NOW!?!?!  YOU'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION NOW?!!?!?

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: Y'all this.  This ain't that explicit. Definitely not worth an R-rating

J: 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Tis true!

W: Cas-coded

J: ☠️☠️ Spn can be found anywhere

W: I'm getting cereal, but don't pause; I'm bringing it with me

J: Ok lol

W: You and your fucking lols

J: L

J: I

W: lkj;lkja;lskfj;lsakdfjasdf THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY

J: I quit

W: You really thought you were doing something

J: My phone is just against me

W: alskdjfalksdjf

J: ☠️☠️☠️

W: Does June not exist?  I'm starting to think she doesn't.  She wasn't in the photo session earlier either

J: I knowwww

W: Luna's not shown up either. Unless that's who Miguel's supposed to be

J: And his parents are together

W: They're also not div- yeah

W: He will love it... until he gets fired ☠️

J: Eww rude

W: Ugh, I cannot believe I'm saying this about a Jane Austen story*, but that — “It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do.” —  is a good quote

(*For those not Jezebel, despite being grudgingly somewhat fond of Jane Austen, I also was made to read her stories too many times and now also have a quiet grudge against her/her stories. And I loathe the 2005 Pride & Prejudice story, just on its own merit. Colin Firth/Jennifer Ehle miniseries forever <3)

J: 🤣🤣🤣

W: This poor dude

W: OOP 

J: Uh oh.  I think Miguel IS gonna BE Luna or be the leak

W: Skullduggery ❤️ (Kinda gives vibes of the Doctor Who conversation about, what was it... "With a little bit of jiggery-pokery." "Is that a technical term, jiggery-pokery?" "Yeah, I came first in jiggery-pokery. What about you?" "No, I failed hullabaloo.")

J: This’ll be interesting

J: Oh poor buddy 😂 “once, unsuccessfully”

W: Was that about the cooking comment or the Grindr comment?

J: Yes. Also, call me uncultured I haven’t seen that film either

J: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

W: Oh no

J: Uh oh 🤣🤣🤣

W: NO!  NO ONE IN THIS HERE HOTEL ROOM AT ALL

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: Zahra!  Don't make assumptions!  Tsk tsk! The "she" is a he, and also hiding in the closet! (I meant that literally, as they do have a habit of that happening, but it also turns out to be figurative too)

J: "It’s all chill"

W: Technically.  They each already had an NDA

J: And now Zahra shall pass the fuck away ☠️

W: laskdf;lkajsdf Henry did not fucking pose ☠️

J: Poor thing!  Does not get paid enough

W: alksdjflaksdjflaksdjf

J: “Oh god”

W: I love them 😭  Mid-tense-conversation and they're gabbing! "And I told my sister!"  "Oh?!  I didn't know that!" "Yeah, she was really happy for us!"

J: IT WAS SO ADORABLE

W: "Technically, I'm the spare"  😭 😭

W: ZAHRA MA'AM

J: WHAT!? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Not "fuckleroy"

J: I said the same Zahra! 🤣🤣

J: Nooooo 🤣🤣

W: This poor woman did not know what she was getting into when she had this kid

J: I love herrr ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

W: WHERE'S THE POWERPOINT :(

W: NEVER MIND AT LEAST SHE MENTIONED IT

J: Oh god.  Oh no.  OH NO ☠️☠️☠️

W: MA'AM PLEASE STOP GOING INTO THAT MUCH DETAIL

J: As a mom I get the concern but still ☠️☠️☠️

W: That's fair

J: I love his dad!

W: Yesss

W: Oh no

W: Is Henry wearing Alex's hat?

J: Yes

W: alsdkfja;lkdsfja;lksfdj

J: Oh my 😂😂😂😂😂

W: HEY, THAT'S NOT THAT BAD SINGING?!?!

J: Right?

W: I thought they said he butchered the karaoke

J: Right!?!

J: Oooop that was the damn I’ve done caught the feelings look

W: Yes it was

W: His dad again alsdkjfalksdjf

W: Ooh, supportive father moments!  Couldn’t be me

J: 🥺🥺🥺

W: You know what's coming btw right

J: Yeah.  Yeah I do.  Shut up

J: And oh no that was cute

W: I KNOW

J: AND OH NO THAT WAS CUTE TOO

W: asldkfjalskfdj

J: Oh my gif he’s a vampire

J: *God

W: Gifs are your gods, to be fair

J: That is- Lol

J: That’s true tho

J: Anyway, he’s sparkling ☠️☠️☠️

W: That's called water

J: I know 😂 but he looked like twilight

W: I know, dumbass, 'twas a joke

J: And that’s Henry’s oh no he’s caught the feelings look

W: Yeppp, poor buddy

J: Oh nooooo!  Buddy

J: Welp imma just go drown myself now

W: Oof, not even a pretense of it being bugs

J: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

W: hahahha- I'm fine

J: He’s not

W: Nor am I, really

J: 😭😭😭😭😭 Same

W: DAVID

J: Davidddd

J: 😭😭😭😭😭

W: This poor man

J: Pooor budddyyy

J: Nora ☠️☠️☠️  I’m sorry but that look, I died

W: Alex really is fucking thick, I'm sorry

J: ☠️☠️☠️

W: I say this affectionately, but dumbo… wtf

J: Oooo!  OH THE FEELINGNIN THAY

W: What

J: OH THE FEELING IN THAT

W: Oh alskdjf

J: The acting I mean. But also oooop an f bomb!  One more and there’s the R rating ☠️☠️☠️

W: Neither of us commented during that scene because all we'd say is: ouch

J: ! :) That.  Was.  Anyway

J: Hey! You know what

W: ?

J: You know what song would fit this?  Or them?

W: If you say.  That fucking song again.

J: 😂😂😂 And good omens honestly

W: Wait, was it the one I meant?

J: 🙂

W: "Unchained Melody"?

J: Unchained Melody

W: Yeha

W: *yeah

W: No, actually, embrace the cowboy.  Yeehaw

J: I was about to say that (but oh my god my phone is pissssssing me offfff)

J: Oh mah god! I love this song

W: alskdjf I don't like this version tho

J: Sameee

J: What’s that statue doing in the background

W: About what Crowley's does, probably.

J: This is so soft thooooo ☠️☠️☠️

J: AWWWWWWWW

W: aksdjflsakfdj His history would include him and be like "this man was Henry's best friend and they lived together and snogged at times and weren't they such good friends!?!?!"

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

J: Buddy has a death grip on him

W: Okay, not to bring in GOmens but the signet ring is giving me Azi vibes

J: LOL!  BUT THAAAAA RING

W: WHAT?!!?  THE KEY IS JUST-  WHAT

J: Ngl I like the exchange better than just him adding the ring

W: I don’t!!!  I liked the "two homes, side-by-side" thing 😭

J: Yeah that’s true!

W: Uh oh

J: Oh no

W: The emails went out on fucking REDDIT!?!?  Awkward

J: Ack!  But also the slow panic on his face

J: Oooop buddy got angry

W: OOF

J: His "CONTACTS"

W: 'snort'  Sure.  Is that what we're calling fiancées these days

J: 😂😂😂😂

W: BRUH, MIGUEL YOU ASSHOLE

J: LE GASP!  ugh and his little smug look

W: Miguel can fuck off

J: Right!?

J: Buddyyyyyy 🥺🥺🥺🥺

W: Wait, they didn't even get to talk before the speech?! That sucks

W: Ooh, fuck yeah!  ALEX USED HENRY'S PROPER TITLE AND FULL NAME AND SHIT

J: 😭😭😭😭😭

W: I love Zahra btw  

J: ZAHGGHHTAAAA

W: Wtf was that?! Also, this is basically her character in Person of Interest and Life, btw

J: 😂😂😂 

J: Her face 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

W: Poor woman

J: 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Im dying

W: Having to sit here like Black Water and listen to rants about Xie Lian, but RWRB universe

J: OOP!  

W: She just spilled so much

J: The wheels are turning for Alex

W: Holy shit, he's so thick

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ BABBYYYYY

W: OH SHIT THE LOOK

J: AHHH

J: OOOOP HES WEARING THE RING

W: On the fucking stairs alkdsfj

J: that looook!  We haven’t got enough time with them.  We’ve been robbed

J: Ah yes.  This is something I guess you do when you are in an American/British relationship

W: asldkfjalskdjfasdflkj What's the this?

J: I swear I thought he was playing heart and soul but I meant playing together in general

W: … no.  The subtitles even outright said "My Country, 'Tis of Thee"

J: I don’t have subtitles on ☠️

W: That sounds like a you problem

J: Ack! Fuck offf Philip

W: Can I slap him?

J: Please do

W: I miss Bea's rebellion tho

J: SAMEEEE

W: Oof

J: SHUT UP PHILIP

W: I KNOW!  I think he might have a heart attack if he read them though

J: ☠️☠️☠️☠️

W: OOF

J: Oh sir ewwww you read them??? he's your grandsonnnnn

J: Ew x2

W: OOF x2

J: Bbabandbecause!  I said so

W: Man can't even make a complete sentence

J: I have given up trying to type on this phone

W: To be fair, that was basically how he said it

W: WHAT WAS THAT PRONUNCIATION

J: "TAKE THE AMERICAN WITH YOU"

W: alsdkjf

J: Bby you are supported 😭😭😭

W: Oop, damn

J: Suck on that Philip

W: Hey, grandfather dude, you lost the right to call him "my boy" a while ago, btw

J: Ahhhhh 🙂 😁 

W: "Crikey, that's a lot of red"  I love him

J: 😂😂😂😂

W: Henry's kidnapping him

J: 😂😂😂

W: Henry!??! This mannnnn!  I love him

J: AHHH! Love him!!

W: Henry looks so awkward on stage🙄  I love him, but like.  He did

J: 😂😂😂 Poor budddy

W: Are you going to say anything other than cry-laugh emojis in the next half of the react?

J: Probably not 😂😂😂😂😂

W: Bruh, Alex didn't even have to ask… I guarantee Henry has been wearing that key religiously

J: 😂😂😂😂😂

W: Not speaking from experience or anything but-

J: Mhhmmm 🙂 so you-coded!

W: ... That's still me-as-Henry???  I'm missing the Alex parallels

J: I know!

W: You're infuriating

W: HENRY

J: YOU HAVE TO READ HENRYS CHAPTERRRRR! It’s like a what happens next

W: I liked Luna better than Miguel, tbh.  I know they probably couldn't fit it, but still

J: Yeah!  Im so easy to please I just loved it sm idec about what was changed! BUT I do wish it had been a mini series

W: Weirdo.  Imagine being easy to please

W: There's an end-credit scene… Fast-forward to it

J: “Do you think anyone noticed” ☠️☠️☠️

J: I hadn’t reread the book yet but I’m going to now ☠️☠️☠️

[peachyteabuck]

I think the best part of seeing my best friend is even though we're older now (and don't have to buy alcohol with a fake) I see every age of us flattened into one view when I see her. We met when I was in 6th grade and she was in 7th, and now I'm entering the last year of college and she's graduating in May. When we met, I was a deeply repressed (assumed) pansexual who spent most of their time hating everyone and everything. Now I'm (a surefire lesbian) slowly but surely building a home with my loving butch girlfriend and our three cats. I have books by my bedside I haven't read but want to stay alive long enough to read. I have cowprint sheets, a cowprint laundry basket, a cowprint headband, a cowprint skirt, and a cowprint backpack. I've got a pink electric kettle and ADHD medication and an air fryer and a crockpot. I've got a TV in my bedroom and disposable water bottles and string lights. I could go to law school, or grad school, or work after I graduate. I've got a hydro flask covered in stickers and a laptop with a sticker of my pronouns. I've got baby yoga luggage meant for a child and a Nexplanon in my arm. No one but my family calls me by my birthname. I have measly paychecks but real employment. Life is tough. But life also used to be a lot tougher.

[slimschance]

Thursday - 20/05/24

7:11am

erm? so basically my whole day, today, has changed with no influence from me. mum knows i'm bad with change and my teacher told her a lack of control over my situation is one of my biggest stressors, so why would she do that??

i was meant to be visiting my nan in hospital today as she was in the ICU last night, but mums just changed it to me going to our local town with my other nan, my cousin and my aunt. i'm honestly trying my best to stay calm, i do think it's working, i don't feel any of the common effects i get when anxious but that's not the point. it's still on my mind. why would she do that? i spent all night thinking how the day would go, the car journey, the music, how the hospital looks (thankfully i know the ward as i visited my uncle there just days before; he should be leaving today!), what to say, how to act and preparing myself for anything she could say since shes on the steroids.

i just want to see that she's doing well

5:29pm

well that were a long day ermm 😅 my family were moody but we all got on well. we ate at cream, my first and what was meant to be my only meal of the day, i had avocado + poached egg on sourdough, i can't lie it were fucking lush and i think i needed it. we then went poundland, i got some supplements, a levi roots carribean crush drink, sauce dipping dishes for my veg, gum, stickers and fake nails, i bought a lot of them bc i'm gonna take them round my cousins, she's wanting to get some so i just bought an array for her, i'll keep the ones she doesn't like.

my other cousin we met in town, drove back to nans and we made a lego bonzai tree my uncle didn't want. she was meant to take it with her but forgot ahaha. oh well, it looked great!

nans safe after her operation but needs to be guarded at all times, she's trying to get up and leave and really hasn't a clue on what's going on. keeps chatting shit that means a whole lot of nothing, she's obviously impacted mentally by the surgery and steroids, speaking gobbledygook.

don't know if my uncles out hospital or no, worrying but i'll find out soon enough

i had a huge dinner... regretting it but again, tasted fucking amazing

i had fried egg, noodles and chicken gyozas. 5 to be exact, must write it so i can log in a sec.

at my nans house still and we just watching antiques roadshow, we were watching all the quiz shows before, standard stuff lol

9:18pm

just spent an hour peeling pomegranate then making a salad! it was actually fun peeling the pomegranate and i'll def do it again, i just hate preparing other fruit and veg, my fingers get weird and soggy and eughh. i'm lowk proud of myself for not rage quitting nor crying, i cannot cope with that shit. anyway, all that time on my feet must count for something. i made loads for me and mum tomorrow, am gonna try do omad tmrw, the salad i prepared with a small amount of baguette.

the salad had:

- pomegranate

- yellow pepper

- red grapes

- spinach

- co-op salad mix (lettuce, grated carrot, red cabbage)

- chickpeas

- feta cheese

- chia seeds

10:22pm

(the urge to put 22:22)

what da helllll ! !

safe to say i'm never living this down. worst bit is, i don't even feel that full, it's just as filling as my <650 days.

anyway, our cars buggered after like 8 years of being reliable. this year was meant to be the year we went on holiday after all the covid bullshit yk, but i think most money we may have will go for a car. i do genuinely think the car is a better use of the money but it's a shame... good job nothing was booked yet x

shame as well since we've sacrificed quite a few things to save for holiday and now it feels like for nothing. a notable thing being i'm still sleeping on a janky spring mattress despite it giving me major pain in my body.

still have no clue how we'll see nan with the car in a state as we're meant to be going hospital tomorrow but whatever... another unexpected day, yip fucken pee !

[blessedchaosgod]

Goodbye Goodbye Goodbye

Goodbye spring rolls and breaks and rains in the middle of the class that distracted us from anything at all. Goodbye lunch breaks and dhoop days and laughter with friends and drama with the popular people and walking and talking like kids while eating and sharing lunches made by my mother which not a person did not love in my 15 years of school life. Goodbye trying to get the attention of certain people and avoiding the gaze of the people you hate and stalking your crush. Goodbye writing notes to each other in class and playing zero-kaanta with your friends and trying to laugh as silently as possible so ma'am doesn't give you the look Goodbye fake proposals and paper rings and little businesses that sold things from paper cards to fevicol stickers Goodbye secret smiles and daydreaming about that one thing you'll do when you reach 12th and exchanging books we love Goodbye throwing a mini party in school on birthdays or decorating lockers chhup chhupke and toffee distributions where you deliberately left out the one person jo bilkul deserve nahi karta Goodbye beautiful bus rides where we pretended to be news reporters and telling scary stories to children and looking up to the older kids because they are so so cool Goodbye looking for your best friend in breaks because you have to bear to be apart for the rest of the day and talk endlessly about anything and everything in the span of 30 minutes Goodbye emotional talks and trauma dumps and hugs and crying with each other and cracking the lamest jokes ever and loudly singing songs in an empty classroom that passersby can hear you anyway Goodbye making temples for celebrities and invitations for birthday parties that were fake and unknowingly distributed Goodbye first crushes and tiramisu's and competitions and houses and school family dinners of joined tables Goodbye slam books and letters that say 'we miss you' and emotional, forgotten goodbyes that hurt hurt hurt I don't want it to go on but how can I be happy that it's going to end?

[h-pelessly]

December 2, 2023.

Today was Nectar's M&G and party. The M&G was at Ralph's for a release of a new Nectar pack, and we arrived at around 1:20 ish. The cast of Under the Influence podcast were going to show up at 1:30, and the first 100 people would get something. I didn't have high hopes, honestly, but then again, I'm like how big is the podcast, honestly. And people over 21 are chill. Anyway, we got there and were chilling in line. We talked to some Nectar crew because they were forced to talk to us and keep us in shape, but one of the Nectar guys said that he really likes Nectar (like duh but ok) and he recommended us the new flavor that he really likes. I don't know why he singled us out but it is what it is. I was like HEHHEOHOH. But anyways, waiting in line made me nervi tbh. The cast came out and they kept making videos and I'm like I feel DEAD. Can we also talk about Viet being fake as fuck when meeting us outside? Mans was DEAD when he first ran past us. Then, the cast came out to high five us, and Wootak missed my hand completely, and Viet stopped like 2 people before us. Whatever, at least I shook Mr. Jeremy and babygirl Esther's. So the meetup was actually super chill like the cast came out and talked to people and so did the workers. We got stickers, which these guys came out and stared hard at. I was like wtf like mind yo business???? I thot they went to UCLA and I was like no this ain't it, chief. Turns out they were friends with the cast LMAO makes sense. Also, we got gifts. They had cups or banners, but they literally ran out of cups like 2 people in front of us so we had to get banners. And we were like one of the last ones. One girl behind us got the last one. I really had to pee, but I had the worst anxiety so I couldn't go alone. Then, I asked the girl in front of me. SUPER weird I know, but she agreed and we became friends. She came alone so it made it all better :)

Books I read this month;

Offside Hearts by Nikki Lawson (4/10) This honestly has to be one of my least rated books that I've read so far. I started this book out in May, and had to stop because of an unrealistic, weird ass situation that happened between two strangers in the very beginning. Well, I somehow got to around 75% before putting it away for good. I only picked this book up so I can finally mark it as finished for the year. I feel so bad for being such a hater for this sports romance, but both the characters were so unlikable it was insane. Noah's, the MMC, only personality traits are having money and being obsessed with his girl. He had no depth to him. And Margo, the FMC, was scared of Noah's playboy antics, but still let him hit like she also became obsessed with him quickly with no regards to her heart. This was written like a fanfic and I absolutely hated it-- it wasn't realistic at all.

The Fake Out by Stephanie Archer (100/10) I was lucky enough to receive an ARC copy. I expected it to be a physical copy, but I'm just glad I got to read it at all. I absolutely fell in love with both characters. Hazel was such a sassy yet fun character. She was actually the one who initiated it which I thought was shocking yet I loved it. We love bold, powerful women. And Rory? Do not get me STARTED on Rory, my new hockey bf. Blonde guys aren't usually my go-tos like Garrett Anderson from Play with Me, but oh my god, this man had me on an absolute chokehold. He's so flirty with only HER and he has eyes (literal heart eyes) only for her. She thinks it's fake bc of the fake dating trope, but it's so real for him. The nickname he has for her had me giggling and kicking my feet. Who am I kidding? This whole book, their interaction had me giggling and kicking my feet. Crying at some parts, but that's what good books do. Chef's kiss.

Love Redesigned by Lauren Asher (7.5/10) I feel like a 7.5 is actually very kind. I started this book in November and forgot about it because I didn't have time to read the physical copy, but I picked it up in December because I wanted to read all the books in my reading pile. I read it on Apple books bc it was that much easier to read and bring everywhere and honestly bc I am fucking blind. I was kind of disappointed ngl like it took place in Lake Wisteria, which is Cal and Lana's place so maybe I had very high expectations going in. Maybe it had the billionaire trope or it's written by THE Lauren Asher so I was like it can't miss. Sadly it did. The characters were childish, the problems were rushed, and I had no connection to the characters. The MMC, Julian, most of all, missed the mark. He's grumpy and rich, which is up my aisle, but the way he interacted with Dahlia (pre-hookup) gave me the annoying boy next door. Also, Julian was fucking MEAN to cal like cal's a baby-- my baby. Back the fuck AWF. I literally had to return my physical copy bc I wasn't in love with it.

That Summer by Jillian Dodd (6.5/10) It wasn't terrible compared to other audiobooks, but I put this off for so long. See all of the books I've been putting off and finishing for the year lol. But I get that Dani (Davaney) the FMC was a high-schooler, but miss maam couldn't make up her damn mind, leaving poor Chase, the MMC, wounded. Like she likes him enough when they're forced together for the summer, but not proud enough when back to reality? And there were SO many characters. I get it's a family trip and all, but I was like why are these names relevant. And not only were they mentioned at the beginning, they had a bigger part at the end. I'm like WHO TF IS THIS AGAIN. So yeah, maybe reading it would've been better. But also, where was Chase's POV??????

Reconsidering the Facts by Emily Tudor (7.6/10) I was so excited for Oliver and Paige's story. Oliver had me from the very beginning because he was such a complicated character, and no one really saw him for him. I loved Paige as we got to know her, and the only thing that set me off was the friend group. They seem very well behaved like they all go to therapy, but they don't give each other room, and the author KEEPS talking about them like honestly, I don't really care about their stories at all can we focus back on Ollie and Paige?! But there was a murder mystery tied into it which was very unexpected yet fun, and I liked it. Maybe I need to go to therapy because I absolutely DESPISED the friend group, but they make a lot more sense in this book than in the first one.

Better than the Movies by Lynn Painter (8/10) Lynn Painter doesn't miss. Tara recommended me this book and I saw that it was short so I was like why the f not. The beginning was like a movie, and I was like ehhhh, but then, when Liz started recognizing her feelings for Wes, I was screaming and pumping my fist in the air. Like I get that Liz is a rom-com fanatic so like she daydreams about the perfect everything, but like she tries planning out everything, and it was so cute when she came to the realization that she LIKES wes. I was sobbing and crying ugly the whole time. What threw me off was the end like what the actual fuck and the miscommunication trope like COME THE FUCK ONNNNNN. Anyways, it wasn't spicy at all. So I know if a story is good, spice is not needed.

Better than the Prom by Lynn Painter (9/10) This is a continuation or extra from Better than the Movies in Wes's POV, and I've been needing that shit from the very beginning. Too fucking bad we only get one little part, but it was ahmazing and much needed. Wes is such a sweetheart and like ugh, chef's kiss.

Personal Foul by Maggie Rawdon (7.95/10) I was looking to Wren and Easton's story since the very beginning, but the book was honestly not up to my expectations. I expected more banter between the two and the hate. However, Easton definitely topped my expectations-- how would anyone guess that this guy is an absolute marshmallow? Wren's worries about the friend group not accepting is valid, but also, I was like as a friend, they SHOULD be supportive and if it doesn't work, all they can do is help out. So I'm glad they do end up supporting the two. I want to give the author a standing ovation for the proposal at the end-- that made me tear up and I just want the best for these two.

The Mistake by Elle Kennedy (7/10) I mean it was a solid story, but it was so basic and simple. I probably should have binged the whole Off Campus series in the beginning, but I didn't and I put myself in a weird position. Because I bought the blue sprayed edges, I'm going to read all of them now. Honestly, the way (John) Logan looked at Hannah in The Deal was kind of giving me the ick. And that's exactly how the book starts out. It gives me Twisted Hate vibes because I liked the FMC, Grace, sm more than the MMC. Grace was so innocently charming and then became baddass when she realized her worth. I absolutely loved that for her, but I did like them together. I just think them coming together was rushed and random. Like their meet cute was super random and forced-- it wasn't even cute. But they are cute, I will say that.

[little-mirror-thoughts]

I fucking hate when a book gets a movie adaptation and then the publishers have to go and ruin the cover of said book forever. Like I have a copy of The Hobbit with incredible artwork, like I genuinely love it. But it has this fake fucking sticker I can't even remove that's telling me about the now 11 year old motion picture! And I can't seem to find a copy with that art and no 'sticker' it sucks.

[sansajonquil]

might talk to Dean Winchester more ;; can relate to his mark of cain && general personality.

it is quite interesting with the prejudice I was met with during my life. Yesterday, I had an antigen test where I self isolated at home upstairs in my room && was talking to myself on tumblr. I put the kettle on the floor of my room. It was pretty nice & strange to be back in the rpc, although I tentatively stepped in the water with water washing around my ankles ;; sansa talking to cesare w a visual accompaniment at westeros cafe + athelstan talking to lagertha & ragnar. Some people also followed me first :o which was nice they were interested in me / my blog && messaging/roleplaying with me. I had also gotten used to talking to myself ooc as especially differentiated from the older times of rp when I felt very choked and judged ;; noted when I said at the time to ariel that I didn’t feel like she judged me. Yet some seemed to judge quickly at the marshmallow squishy comforting / thumping Julian’s back like wechat sticker ;; tavvy’s toy && my pinned post talking about my own rules I keep edit adding to find ways to adapt happily into rpc/life in general. ( drinking water/fresh air walking ) && in perpetual building frustration, I also wrote how I didn’t stand by callout posts && how damaging they could be in pushing one to the edge to write endless goals ( this stemmed from my worry in talking to ariel again as I spoke to her a lot about my anxiety during university as it was really horrifying yet strangely fulfilling ( as noted on my wordpress in which I now breathed life in the mundaneity) & I knew from clues/hints she talked behind my back to other rp friends when I was drowning. I also talked to myself how bad it was to live out my entire life on the rpc / site & to just immerse myself into happy && it was great fun to ascend to heaven and valhalla without caring what others think.

my relationship with orion is interesting. She, with ariel saying some context of my experience in rpc & how it seemed to affect my life/thoughts, said something about study of oneself in dialectical behavioural therapy ( pulling books from the city of weep ) as she had brain fog too. this was in a october day.

my relationship with johnnie is a bit more disjointed. I watched many YouTube videos of his, and felt he was with me during my library study ;; when I felt I needed to be completely alone && walking along the road like boulevard of broken dreams && on my own mahogany ship sailing. When i watched poison, I thought his red colour lips was like beautiful red paint 🎨 ;; I think YouTube && doing art was part of my experience when writing athelstan park drabble — colour within chaos. I could also relate to past & present selves ;; when he is singing always looking for ways to improve himself && getting frustrated && throwing up blood into the desert outback from his eternal sitting in barn. I felt he was speaking to me when he talked about growing up and that everyone was worried about me and that I didn’t deserve hate. && then other direct messages he said like I was a bad person and what I did now didn’t really matter and doesn’t excuse my not trying to understand properly to the level of fogginess that I nearly died in my sleep/didn’t sleep to near dying, yet he could appreciate people who bettered themselves contrasted in confusion.

when people spam calling me, or anyone in general, I do not think they understand how unsafe individuals feel. When people spam call me yesterday, I watch unbroken by melovin ;; yet thought this was very irritating out to get me within me trying to live life from the complete mess that life gave me. I also rightfully think in secret of vengeance, which help me sleep :)

I thought it very creepy when brandon said I was a fake-ass wannabe while wearing ryuk make-up ;; yet knew it was a weird ironic short visual of black comedy — of people trying to find their own voice && visual style of presentation && the ulzzang emo MySpace days.