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#i hate my family i’m so fucking sick of this
sga-owns-my-soul · 1 year
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ignore my rant but it’s fucking HILARIOUS to me that i spent me ENTIRE childhood being blame for all the issues in the family bc i’m ‘too sensitive and over emotional’ and when i said we should get family therapy bc we didn’t know how to talk to each other i was attacked for it and now my family barely talks to each other and when we do it’s a huge fight and every interaction is like pulling teeth bc they all have decades of unresolved issues with each other than everyone refuses to talk about and now i’m the one who gets to try to keep things together when i tried to fucking deal with this all 12 FUCKING YEARS AHO
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pitrsattabhaadmeinjaa · 8 months
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i’m so sick of all the percabeth posting about the show like i was also as excited in the start but now i’m so tired of every post being about the romance
im so tired of only a small minority of posts being not about percabeth like THEYRE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTICALLY LINKED THIS EARLY. IS NO ONE ELSE BOTHERED BY THAT. and also fuck us allos bro i get the aromantics now why is everything about romantic love
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stardust-sunset · 29 days
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(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)
sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.
#tw sui ideation#its honestly just been going through my head for a while#the past two weeks my parents haven’t talked about anything besides my brother#i kinda just feel like i’ve been forgotten in a way#i just feel lonely i guess#and i hate it#it’s just one of those days where i feel lethargic and just numb frankly#and i’m tying to keep posting because it’s not fair that others who don’t give a shit have to read my vents#but i just can’t do this anymore#i’m going through a lot rn#between yesterday and my dog being sick and school starting and my grandma getting surgery and having to move in with my family#it’s all just a lot rn#and sometimes i just think about it and i just hate it#i hate having dark thoughts like this#i’ve been my only therapist because i can’t talk to my parents#i can’t talk to them about this stuff or they’ll just give me the “you can be sad but you can’t pack up and live there” bullshit#I DIDNT FUCKING ASK FOR THIS#that pisses me off so bad#i didn’t fucking ask to have suicidal thoughts?#sometimes i’ll just choke myself with my dog’s leash as a form of punishment because it just makes me feel good#atp i don’t care if i go too far because it’s not worth it anymore#it just doesn’t feel like life’s worth living#there’s nothing to enjoy or look forward to atp#i just need a friend#i’m so tired of being there for people and then having to turn back to myself when i have an issue because im too cowardly to open up#i’m scared#i don’t have it bad like i don’t know why i feel like this#i have a good life#i’m just being a brat#i dunno
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no27-autonation-honda · 4 months
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Idk how much longer I can keep telling myself the reason my more recent years keep feeling so bad is because it’s been so long since the actual worst years of my life tbh
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skillzissuez · 8 months
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Depression is all fun and games until your skipping school even though you’re weeks behind because you quite literally can’t get out of bed
#god I hate it here#not to mention you mother and father#SEEING this#simply decides to ignore you like your Alr dead#like damn okay 💀💀 fuck you too ig 💀💀#I don’t know how to fix this#I’m literally gonna be held back or taken to court bc I’ve missed so many days#but oh well the sillies r keeping me alive#Also I told myself I wouldn’t vent online anymore but I honestly don’t care anymore 😭#it’s so bad though#I tried to do some of my homework last night and ended up throwing up from the stress#and it’s not like my friends just forgot about me they are GOOD friends I’ve just been pushing them away; telling them I’m just sick etc.#it’s my fault so I’m not mad at them for not knowing what to do. The closest ones try to call me#sometimes I answer and we talk. sometimes I don’t and they leave me a message abt how their a good listener and they KNOW something’s wrong.#Truly I love my friends but at this point I just need to be medicated or in a mental institution ong#but again; it’s not like my parents actually care. they canceled my therapy that was court appointed to me#My support system otherwise is gone; my older siblings have moved out and I’m supposed to protect my younger ones from my parents#but deadass my entire family is well aware that I’m useless in that department#I shake scream and sob everytime my parents yell at us so I’m no help; really#I mean recently I’ve been able to keep my emotions under control but the only reason why is because I’m dead inside 💪#As I’m typing this out I’m realizing that I should be telling the world this especially not in my mental state but like. I dunno 🤷‍♂️#I know most of you don’t care or if you do your just concerned or feel bad bc you know what it’s like and I thank you.#seriously; I thank you for being human and reminding me the world can be kind#if anything im just distracting myself from whatever this is. whether it be playing a silly game or drawing about said silly game it helps#but it also makes me feel guilty bc I RLLY should be focused on trying to pass this year. but I’m pretty sure it’s too late now.#anyways; that’s why I’ve been inactive lately so I apologize#it’s funny bc I’m typing this out but I rlly don’t feel anything while explaining this to you guys#I’ll tag this properly; I don’t know why I’m posting this and I might delete it later I dunno#tw vent#tw mention of abuse
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starlooove · 13 days
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Im saving up for a laptop and it’s mainly for school but also I want to be able to play games with mods and have a good dvd player any recs let me know please
#dvd player#tbh that’s like. my stupidity#i have a portable one on hold u just plug in#and i think that’s enough#i just added that in case I’m missing smth 🧍🏾‍♀️#the main games I wanna play are sims bg3 and cyberpunk tbh#maybe Minecraft but. sorry guys#i was a Minecraft kid who never got into playing Minecraft SORRY#Im mission orientated and the blocks gave me headaches sorryyy#like i DID play Minecraft but after a farm some animals and iron tools#I couldn’t give less of a fuck anymore#my problem is I thought Minecraft was gonna be aphmau mcd and Stacyplays off rip#Im lazy#anyways#if I play my cards right I can get my family to give me their dvds#i have a jem one on hold rn#i want Nick and boomerang shows tho#dexters laboratory Johnny bravo etc.#and 321 penguins#i don’t want kids but idk I keep thinking of my family’s kids growing up with what I grew up with#FOR ME PERSONALLY I want danny phantom and Ben 10#Bc I watched like. 3 episodes of DP and my 5 yr old laptop quit#and i never watched Ben 10 but it was good apparently?!#POWER RANGERS SAMURAI IS A MUST#maybe It’s the sickness making me nostalgic#but It’s more like I want physicals of these#i know I come off as a hater but I only really hate on things I love and Can improve#and as much as I hate online that’s bc irl I’m having a blast#so yes. i do want su dvd. ✊🏾 AND VOLTRON SORRYYYY#IK but hear my out those I’d like HAVE to buy secondhand I’m not spending more than $25 per two seasons
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rosesradio · 1 month
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i think my university fucking bit me wtf
#it started last semester or maybe even last year but they infected me with an anxiety that completely rewired my brain#i have general anxiety disorder & i’ve had the occasional ‘something bad is gonna happen’ day where im anxious the whole day for no reason#but then it changed to this like. academic anxiety that got so bad i was like. nauseous all the time throwing up i had to go to a counselor#and now i’m straight up paranoid. like idk maybe i’m not using the word right but i’m convinced every day all my worst fears are gonna—#just happen one after the other. my tumblr will be revealed to my family. my toxic ex will come back into my life—#my money for school is revoked things like that.#because adult life is just so confusing and convoluted and works against people#and my anxiety just goes through this loop of ‘everyone dislikes you/hates you/thinks you’re annoying’ so -> ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’#so -> ‘your life will be irreparably damaged and/or you will die’#the ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ bit especially gets me because it’s like bitch how!! i follow laws!! i cheat a bit less than the average—#student! any time someone has a concern with like my work performance or something they politely tell me#why do i have the anxiety of a fucking hunted animal over these things!!#i wanna be numb actually i miss that time. it still sucks but at least i don’t make myself sick#things would be so much easier if i was a house spouse who cooked & cleaned (with no kids) & didn’t have a job or go to school#ofc managing a house has its own challenges and i don’t wanna undermine that but ykwim#i want this fuckin eye of sauron off my ass already 🧍#and don’t even get me started on the ‘you have to do this little task in this specific way or else everyone you love will die’ thoughts#that’s a whole other mess#tw vent#rose.txt
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nosleep83 · 1 year
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‼️REALLY LONG VENT IN THE TAGS PLS SCROLL PAST IF YOU DONT WANNA SEE THAT OR ANYTHING IM OK JUST FRUSTRATED (Ik I also say this in the tags but just in case)‼️
Maybe I do need to see a therapist 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
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k20spock · 4 months
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how am I going to survive living here for three months I hate it
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tyrianlynch · 1 year
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I’ve been improving a lot mentally lately and today my wife (best friend who I’ve lived with for 7 years) told me she’s divorcing me (moving to a city we both swore we’d never live in) and she’s taking the kids (our dog) and this is just further proof that god will never allow me to be happy or hopeful
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sanchoyo · 5 months
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our landlady sent someone to fix our kitchen floor (good, it was literally caving in and needed to be fixed for almost a year. Was legit afraid I’d fall thru it) but they are taking sooo long and I haven’t been able to cook for a full week bc our kitchen has to stay empty for them to work so the stove and fridge are just in the corner of another room. So. I’ve been eating chip meals for a full week and I am so sick of them. I need to cook I need VEGEBAL SO BAD I am going crazy
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pissfizz · 6 months
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I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf
#NOT MINE BTW I MISSED MY CHANCE LMAO#but Jesus Christ family I’ve never met before flying in from Panama…. god I’m so scared#I’ve already been dealing with some wack ass imposter syndrome ass shit cuz of how I was raised this is gonna make it SO MUCH worse#I DIDNT EVEN KNOW PANAMANIANS GOT QUINCES#i was raised with almost zero influence from any culture whatsoever I wasn’t even raised close to that side of the family#and like I’m mixed with white but I can’t even use that as an excuse cuz the cousin who’s quince it is is also mixed#and that side of the family is super tied to the culture and they speak Spanish and shit#i don’t even speak Spanish even if the family from Panama doesn’t think ima. total embarrassment what if most of them don’t speak english#when I’m surrounded by white people 24/7 I feel like a total outlier but the second I’m around anyone else latine I feel like that but WORSE#i don’t speak Spanish I don’t know anything about the culture I’m from the fucking pacific northwest and do digital art and watch anime#i am so far completely removed from everything I’m gonna be sick#my grandma is already so judgy about stuff my uncle was even WORSE and made fun of the stuff that was too white or too American about me#my cousins throwing the party are the least of my worries cuz at least their mixed and second/third Gen too#but oh my god the family I’ve never met before I’m so scared I’m so scared#i was already thinking like. can I even call myself latine bc of how I was raised and how far removed I am from everything. I’m mixed so -#-should I just associate myself more with the white side of my family. am I being fraudulent by identifying with that term just bc I have -#-the blood is that even enough maybe that kid had a point when he said I shouldn’t count as hispanic if I don’t know spanish#and thinking about showing up to my cousins quince as. me. it’s terrifying it’s awful I want to go I want to meet these people I want to -#-celebrate my cousin and be happy for her but GOD what if everyone hates us and just tolerates us cuz we’re related to them#i would say we’re the black sheep of the family but I feel like white is more fitting cuz I feel like we’re just slightly brown white people#god god god I’m so stresssd out by this#is this a weird thing to be worried about is this stupid is this selfish#and to make matters worse I DONT KNOW WHAT TO GET HER FOR A GIRT#vent
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museenkuss · 1 year
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Spn blogs in my recs and they WILL NOT LEAVE.
#they’re even on my main blog now#at least for me#and like yeah I get it blood and rot and family and whatever#I think I’m getting my period soon because it usually doesn’t annoy me like this but GOD#I don’t WANT these here.#but tbh I just don’t like the fandom. it’s all very clique-y and I am so so lonely#like genuinely I haven’t felt good about a single thing I posted for that in way too long#I like WRITING but posting?? in that fandom? it’s terrible. I hate it#& I’ve taken to writing out all my frustration and anger and grief in a separate doc to be deleted before posting the main work#which is fucking. just. it’s bad. I’ve never had to do that for ANY fandom I wrote for.#and I geeeeeet that it’s because it’s such a big fandom so people know each other and it’s not like my small communities where you#parallel play in peace. but I don’t like it. it’s deeply uncomfortable and isolating and I’m so sick of it#but I also like the writing I do so I try to just stay in my niche and not look at anyone else#I think I unfollowed every fandom blog save for two? three? so I could be alone instead of lonely#but it still washes over me whenever I post something.#oh an! sometimes I’m tempted to just do something super mass appealing so they’ll like me but that just makes me feel worse#I’ve been tempted to delete my blog so many times because I lost my friends from the old fandoms and this one is the poorest substitute#but I also feel like that won’t make me happier either. I wish I’d just never started engaging w that show tbh#okay done. just. I’m going through it
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goldkirk · 2 years
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Here’s what I know.
1. I am not dead
2. I don’t need to suffer to justify being alive
3. I can’t save other people
4. I will always want to try
5. That’s not stupid of me
6. I have a responsibility to save myself
#I hate all of it#this is bullshit and I’m sick of being a human and life SUCKS when things are good and everything in my head is FUCKED#I’m preparing for battles that don’t happen and leave me feeling stupid#and never see the ones that DO come until they hit me#I’m not going back to Missouri for the holidays#it’s going to be a miserable round of guilt tripping for the next two months#UNLESS IT ISN’T#I tell people things for once#and then my family DOESN’T do what I JUST told someone they’ll do#and then I feel SO stupid. I hate this stage#I don’t know what to expect from may of them#they treat me like an outsider now but still are sweet and kind and include me and stuff#but they’re engaged in criticism and spiritual warfare and an anti-Katie’s-fallen-ways campaign behind my back with all the kids#because that’s what they did with me in regards to other relatives#UNLESS THEY AREN’T#I want nothing more than for them to change but if they change what the FUCK was all my suffering for?#if they change after all this time then why wasn’t I enough for them to change for when I was begging#and if they don’t change then my suffering and fears will be valid but we’ll also probably have two dead kids or at minimum estrangement#this is a mess but I also overcatastrophize EVERYTHING#which is leading to the 10 month journey of “Katie becoming the girl who cried wolf#…again#anyway whatever this is a weird week I’m kind of fucked up and need to go walk and think#I can’t feel anything but I feel /weird/#you know??#shh katie
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spacelesscowboy · 2 years
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sorry but i still think it is so so crazy and insane to look at a child—ANY child, any teenager, ANYONE, but especially CHILDREN—and hit them. as a punishment or warning or whatever. that is so crazy to me. how could you ever look at a child and bring yourself to hurt them in any way shape or form??????????? that’s insane to me.
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mxliv-oftheendless · 1 year
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I think it says something when the only time today where I haven’t been stewing in anger is when I was looking at apartments for rent and how to get a credit card.
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