#i hate planning anything with them so much

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!femreader, social media au, (11/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

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yourusername: guess who's back home!!! Liked by albaps9, begovargas, janafernandez3 and 1,309 others

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username1 what happened to home is wherever you are? 👀 ↳ username2 Exactly what I was thinking lol

bff1 she's baaaaaaack 👯‍♀️

albaps9 🤗🤩😭

salmaparalluelo ❤️

ingridengen Stay a little longer this time! We've missed you 💘 ↳ yourusername i'm planning on it!! 🥺

claudiaapina 👏

fridolinarolfo Missing us already? 😌

marialeonn16 You two should come over for dinner! ↳ yourusername it's just me, but i hope the offer still stands 🤭

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↳ 6h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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albaps9: don't mind me hogging up all her time now that she's here 😛 Liked by alexiaputellas, marialeonn16, marisabel_rguez and 891 others

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yourusername yea uuf it's been unbearable ↳ albaps9 don't pretend you didn't miss sleepovers in my bed ↳ yourusername 🤏 ↳ albaps9 that's what i thought ↳ bff1 excuse me, i do mind?? ↳ bff2 Yeah, what's up with that? 😝 ↳ bff1 wait, i see what this is. she's trying to weasel her way into our group ↳ albaps9 gasp i would never ↳ bff1 🖕

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↳ 15min ago: yourusername added to their story

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marisabel_rguez: 🧡🤙 Liked by ona.battle, bff3, carolinemoller_ and 16,529 others

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username1 wait this is so sad, is she alone there? ↳ username2 obv not alone-alone bc someone took the photos 🤣 ↳ username3 Who's she doing all this with if YN is still in Spain? ↳ username2 ever heard of friends and family?!?!?

jennihermoso 😍 ↳ jennihermoso (to the sunset) ↳ marisabel_rguez Get out of here 😂

carolineweir95 enjoy!!

bff1 *jaws theme starts playing* ↳ yourusername that's not funny 😫

sofie.svava Have a good time back home 😘

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yourusername: 🌼 Liked by alexiaputellas, claudiaapina, judebellingham and 1,938 others

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alexiaputellas Chiquita 🤩

begovargas next time i'm taking you to the ones in el raval 😌 ↳ yourusername more clothes? yes please (i say while trying to get my suitcase to zip shut)

friend1 Missy!! 😍

username1 why's jude still lurking 🤣

albaps9 yea, you're right, nala did rock those sunnies better 🤭 ↳ yourusername but i still rock them better than you ever will 🙋‍♀️

bff1 i want to be that icecream ↳ yourusername ew get out, weirdo

username2 why are you not with misa liked by 12 others

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↳ 12h ago: yourusername added to their story

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Text Messages

17:39 mami 🌷(ICE) Mija, text me when you are home. We just went through customs. I love you.

17:40 mami 🌷(ICE) Make sure you lock all the doors and windows when you go back to Madrid. Your tio knows you'll bring the keys to him. Tell him we said hello.

17:43 mami 🌷(ICE) And don't forget to clear out the refrigerator. You can take anything else that will expire soon with you.

17:45 mami 🌷(ICE) Be careful when you drive back to Madrid. Take some breaks and text me whenever you can. I know we will have a big time difference but you can always call and text me, laelia.

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18:01 albaquerque 🌼you've got this! and you've got your girls, so you won't be alone! i really loved having you around again. we'll see each other again soon. don't miss me too much 😉

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20:05 ale 🐻About to get onto the plane. Thinking of you. You've been through worse than a month alone, remember? And you'll have Nala to keep you company. I love you. 😘

20:05 ale 🐻 Give Nala a kiss, btw.

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yourusername: i could cry. Liked by bff3, bff1, alexiaputellas and 872 others

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bff1 uh yeah and you did. multiple times this week. ↳ yourusername stop exposing me 😭 ↳ bff1 as long as they were happy tears ↳ yourusername they were 🥺

bff3 My favourite girls! ☺️

username1 WHY AREN'T YOU WITH MISA AT THE WC?? liked by 42 others

alexiaputellas Looking beautiful you two 😍👶

bff2 I love you all so much!! 🥺🥺🥺 ↳ yourusername we've come a long way 🥺 ↳ bff3 We have ❤️ ↳ bff1 i can't believe we're getting old ↳ yourusername get used to it ↳ bff2 At least we're getting older each year! ↳ yourusername can't wait until we're grey and pruning and wreaking havoc in the nursing home ↳ bff2 And then our kids come to visit us and get second hand embarrassment 🤣 ↳ bff3 I can't wait ☺️ ↳ bff1 jesus guys, let me find a hubby first ↳ yourusername are you implying you need a hubby to have kids bc i will fight you on that one ↳ bff1 NO. be gay do crime ✌️ ↳ yourusername 😚

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↳ 45min ago: yourusername added to their story

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↳ 16h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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↳ 12min ago: yourusername added to their story

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↳ 2h ago: yourusername added to their story

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yourusername: friends and food. Liked by bff3, bff1, alexiaputellas and 872 others

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bff2 😍😋

marialeonn16 Pasta again? ↳ yourusername yea... i'm constantly carrying a carb infused food baby around 😭

bff3 Always the best cook ❤️ ↳ bff1 you're only saying that because she kept indulging your cravings ↳ yourusername i was just being a great friend xxx

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↳ 1h ago: yourusername added to their story

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yourusername: madrid madrid madrid 🌼 Liked by bff2, friend1, janafernandez3 and 1,290 others

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username1 girl what are you doing, the semifinal is in two days 😭 ↳ username2 At least she's back in Madrid? 🤞

friend1 Better luck next time! 🎾🖤

bff3 Loved our double date... + YN 😂 ↳ bff2 It was such a lovely day with our men... oh and YN 🙊 ↳ yourusername rub it in, won't you <3 ↳ bff1 next time you'll have me there again to save you from the thirdwheeling!!!!!

username3 get your ass down under asap for wag duties 😡 ↳ username4 fr why isn't she supporting misa at the wc? ↳ username5 Some people have jobs and responsibilities, ever heard of those? ↳ username3 and you don't think supporting your significant other at one of the biggest moments in their life is important?

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Text Messages

10:31 Misa Hey, what's up, are you free?

10:41 Alexia Sure!

10:41 Misa Can you come to the cafe on the corner of the street? I'm at a table outside.

10:41 Alexia Right now?

10:43 Misa If you can? 😅

10:43 Alexia Is everything okay?

10:44 Misa More than! Don't worry.

10:44 Alexia Are you sure?

10:44 Misa Positive. I just need to talk to you about something.

10:44 Alexia Okay. I'm coming down!

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marisabel_rguez: Hello Sydney, hello final! 🇪🇸😎 Liked by bff3, albaps9, haleyraso and 18,389 others

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sofie.svava If you don't bring me one of those hats, we're going to have a problem. ↳ carolineweir95 I can't tell if this is sarcastic or not 😂

haleyraso Welcome, welcome 😌

username1 ok misa i see those flowers 👀

username2 I miss YN in the comments 😕 ↳ username3 but she hasn't really posted anything, so what is there to comment on?

albaps9 HELLO 👋

alexiaputellas 😎

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↳ 23h ago: yourusername added to their story

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username1: YN IS IN SYDNEY, I REPEAT, SHE IS DOWN UNDER! (pic cred to username19 from twitter) Liked by 323 others

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username2 what hotel is this?

username3 Now we just have to cross our fingers she's not only there for Alexia because this sudden radio silence is creeping me out

username4 was she with misa?? ↳ username5 she's not staying at the players hotel and i doubt the players can go see family right now. they're always pretty isolated during big tournaments, especially now that the final is tomorrow. and i heavily doubt that vilda will let family come over to keep morale high

username6 it kind of worries me that they're no longer so loveydovey online, but i'm holding out hope for a YSN pic soon ↳ username7 they're probably fine. they don't have to salivate on each other's post week in week out to be going strong. ↳ username8 It lowkey looks like the initial hype died down a little after their hard launch, but hey, that's fine. It's their life, as long as they're happy 💘 ↳ username9 but they better go back to being loveydovey again soon tho 😭

username10 🕯praying everything is fine between them 🕯

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a/n: hope you've all had a sweet week 🌻

[cheenapri]

Yandere Illumi Analysis

AN: I wrote this on a whim so I didn't really proofread or check for plotholes lmao but enjoy anyway

Illumi didn’t think much of you the first time he saw you, it was as if you weren’t even there. Strangely enough, he’s caught several more sightings of you over the course of two months, each time he still didn’t think much of you. That was until he realized he didn’t really have any business in that area to begin with as his mission had already been completed and he’d already been paid. He seemed to unknowingly home you out from time to time, his slight glances turning into full-on stares as he watched you from the shadows. 

You had piqued his interest. After a few days of watching you, Illumi questioned himself. He was confused as to why he was focusing so much of his attention on someone so insignificant.

He thought that maybe you were a nen user using your powers on him and made plans to quickly dispose of you. Fortunately for you, he failed to do so. For the first time in his life, Illumi had hesitated to kill someone. A singular gold needle lay ready in his hand yet he was unable to bring himself to launch it at your skull. 

Multiple attempts were made, all with you being completely oblivious, before he discovered that you weren’t even a nen user and that he was hesitant on his own unconscious volition.

Illumi had an inner crisis before he would accept his ineffable feelings towards you. He saw something in you he couldn’t describe but knew he liked, and wanted to figure out what it was. 

He spent whatever free time he had just observing you — from afar, of course, he’s a little shy. Sometimes he would invite himself into your house to snoop through your things while you’re gone. If you have a loudmouth pet, he’ll be sure to temporarily subdue it. Killing it would be the more convenient option but it would alarm you to see your beloved pet lying in a pool of blood upon returning home. 

On the night he chooses to bring you to the estate for further inspection, he attempts to lure you using taxis. He may or may not have destroyed your car’s engine to force you to walk to work. When his attempts to lure you fail, he gets fed up with your constant defiance and police calls and opts to physically bring you back himself, there’s only so many times he can deal with the police without causing chaos. 

You look so beautiful when you sleep.

He’s unsure how to go about dealing with you once you’re locked away in the estate, he just throws your unconscious body on the bed and stares at you until you wake up. He keeps staring once you wake up too, only saying something when you start screaming and freaking out. His words aren’t very comforting, though.

He had to teach you manners since you’re being very rude. Once you’re quiet, he’ll proceed to not explain anything to you but rather stand over you and ask if you’re hungry. You say no and he leaves you alone and without food for a couple of days.

He’s a very busy man so expect him to be gone for days or even weeks at a time. This doesn’t mean you’re free to do whatever you want, however, as Illumi has assigned a skilled butler to watch over you while he’s gone. They are his eyes and ears so make sure you don’t do anything foolish less they tattle on you. Though you have a somewhat neutral relationship with your assigned butler, you can’t bring yourself to fully trust or confide in them.

Though you hate it here, you’d prefer your time alone over your captor’s company as Illumi was awful to be around. Whether he was staring at you from across the room or correcting your behavior, it was all awful. All time spent “hanging out” with him consists of him sitting away from you, sometimes sitting closer depending on his mood, and silently staring. Sometimes an attempt at a conversation was made on your end as you wanted to know exactly what was going on and why he’d brought you here. You were asking too many questions about the same thing; it was pissing him off.

He rarely talks about himself if it isn’t assassin-related and you don’t like him enough to ask. He does have a habit of talking about the things he’s learned about you before bringing you to the estate rather unprompted. He has zero self awareness. You got him talking one time and had to figure out through context clues and your own ideas that he had a “romantic” interest in you. 

Illumi is not the talkative type but if he wants to hear your voice, he’ll start conversations. The conversations usually consist of him asking you really pointless questions and encouraging you to explain your answer in great detail no matter how dry it is. 

If you’re good while he’s gone, he may bring you back a gift. If you accept with enthusiasm, feigned or not, he’ll be internally delighted. If you decline the gift or refuse to open it, Illumi will take it as an act of defiance.

May the punishment fit the crime. Illumi will not hesitate to nip any unsavory behaviors right in the bud in the hopes of molding you faster. If you were to act out physically, expect a dislocated or broken limb. Kicking equals a broken leg, and punching equals a broken arm whereas pushing him away, no matter how gently, equals a dislocated wrist or two. Verbal crimes like talking about your past life or swearing at him are punishable by strangulation. Illumi will not tolerate such disrespect. He doesn’t let go after a few seconds either, his grip is tight until you pass out. The more severe it is, the less likely you are to become a repeat offender, right…? You definitely won’t be able to curse at him now or talk at all really. All other acts of defiance are punishable by whatever he sees fit.

He never comforts you after a punishment. It’s your fault anyway, you shouldn’t have tried to hit him or cursed at him. Honestly, what did you expect? He tends to forget the punishment had even occurred during his next visit with you and expects you to do the same.

Though your newer assigned butler has a healing ability, Illumi rarely allows its use. 

Illumi can sometimes be strangely passionate. Even through his sheer brutality and emptiness, there are times when you can sense the slightest sliver of humanity within him. Mainly on days when he’s particularly needy for your attention. 

He sometimes visits at odd hours of the night, waking you so he can talk about his day. He doesn’t know it, but he’s using you as an emotional outlet. You’re expected to listen to every single word that comes out of his mouth and engage with him. You feel a bit intimidated since he’s sitting so close to you on the edge of the bed. 

He doesn’t really touch you unless to punish you so you tend to flinch when he moves too fast. He doesn’t mind this at first.

Despite holding you captive for months now, Illumi still hadn’t figured out what about you was attractive to him. Eventually, he’d accept that he’d never figure it out and you’d always be a mystery. He begins seeing you as his spouse from this point forward.

Though he wanted to take the relationship slowly to ease you into your new life, you didn’t wish to accept your untold role as his spouse, causing everything to sit at a standstill. As more time passes, he becomes impatient for your cooperation. He doesn't directly say it but it’s made VERY clear that he demands your affections. He’s giving you more attention than usual, how else can he make it clearer?

One day while returning home from a mission, he noticed a couple on an outing. They looked so happy together. Illumi didn’t think much of it at the time but as days turned into weeks, his mind began replaying the scene over and over, replacing the couple with you and him. He concludes that you’re probably being spiteful because he isn’t spending enough time with you. If you wanted more attention from him, why didn’t you just ask?

So it’s been decided, he’ll take you with him on a mission so you can watch him kill people. You would be a liability, sure, but you’d see it as a sign that he loves you, right? His dad disagreed with the idea when Illumi brought it up to him, telling him that something like that would be too intense for someone like you. Queue Silva’s and Illumi’s first (?) father and son chat. Illumi was surprisingly receptive to Silva’s ideas and dropped his original plan.

Queue intensive date planning for a few months. Of course, he made sure not to let you hear anything about it as it’ll be a super special surprise that’s going to blow your mind and make you accept your place at his side.

He really showed just how much he knew about you, making sure nothing you wouldn’t enjoy found its way into his intricate plans. 

Of course, it couldn’t be a normal date out in public, what if someone tried to hurt you? He would kill them, yes, but the mood would’ve already been ruined at that point so he thought it best to rent out a few places and completely isolate you.

Now that preparations were complete, all that was left was to pick you up — Illumi was rather eager to get this date started.

[sirianasims]

Chapter 43.6

My mother taught me that sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours, and you’re soaked through and miserable and it feels like it may never stop. But no matter how heavily the rain falls, no matter how drenched you get, you are not the rain.

Some day you will be dry again.

Things have been easier since I blocked Paul, the pain slowly fading to a dull ache, barely noticeable as long as I don’t dig too deep. I try to keep myself distracted, reading Lucky Girl for what must be the fifth time. It’s my comfort read, Evie reminds me a little of myself. I think we could have been friends, hanging out and agreeing that being in love is the absolute worst, actually, while we yearn for our respective idiots.

The memory of Paul is not the only thing I’m trying to escape. With all my channels inactive, even the haters have gone quiet and my views are dropping every week. I’ve toyed with the idea of simply abandoning everything and starting a new brand, but I don’t want to rebuild my follower count from scratch. I don’t have time for it. My bills are starting to pile up, and while I can still pay them for now, it won’t be long before I have to either crawl back to mom and dad and ask for help, or get one of those real jobs people keep talking about. I’m not even sure which option I would hate the most, so I hide in my book for now.

A sharp knock on the door jerks me away from Evie admiring Jude in an art gallery and back to reality.

I hesitate for a moment. I have no idea who it could be, and I don’t want to see anyone, especially not some smarmy salesperson – or worse, my landlord. With a sigh, I put my book face down on the armrest and shuffle to the door.

Miranda is leaning casually against the doorway, her high heels making her look almost as tall as Samara. At their feet, a couple of large shopping bags are threatening to fall over and spill their contents on my doormat.

“See, Samara? I told you she was still alive.”

“So you did. Then I sure hope she has a very good excuse for refusing to see her best friends for almost two months!“

I feel my cheeks get hot. “Uh, hi. I’m sorry I disappeared, I’ve just had a rough time since, you know. But I promise to call you, maybe we can make plans soon?”

“No need, we’re here now, so you won’t have to worry about that.” Samara’s smile is cheerful, but her tone is resolute. Even so, I try to object.

“Seriously, it’s not a good time, I haven’t even showered for like three days, and the place is a mess.”

“Girl, since when do we care about mess? We’re here because we love you – stinky or not.” She wrinkles her nose, making the freckles on her face dance.

“What is this, some sort of intervention?”

Miranda smirks. “Pretty much. Sorry, but someone’s gotta save you from yourself, and we’re not letting you waste any more time moping over a man who didn’t deserve you. We’ve got snacks and a box of rosé with your name on it, so you might as well get out of the way.”

“Fiiine, but no judging the absolute state of the place.” I roll my eyes and invite them in with a dramatic flourish of my arm, but I can’t help but smile. Samara bounces through the door despite the heavy shopping bags, and Miranda goes straight for my laptop.

“What’s your login?”

“It’s just my birthday, and before you come for me, yes, I know that’s bad.”

Miranda shakes her head as the laptop plays a jaunty tune and lets her in.

“You’ll get the full security lecture another day, right now it’s time to declare inbox bankruptcy. We’re getting rid of all this bullshit so you can get back to business.”

“Miranda, there are literally thousands of messages. It’ll take days to go through, maybe weeks.”

She doesn’t even look up, her perfectly manicured fingers a blur over the keyboard.

“Give me an hour. I’m going to delete anything that contains profanity, and then I’ll sort the rest into folders, so don’t worry, you won’t be losing anything permanently. But I’m going to mark everything as read and archive it so you can get a fresh start. If anyone wants something important from you, they’ll reach out again, trust me.”

I stop myself from protesting further. Miranda knows what she’s doing, and it really would be a relief not to worry about everything.

Behind me, Samara has stopped unpacking the groceries.

“Just let Miranda work her magic and get your smelly butt into a bath. And make it a nice one, soak for a bit and pretend you’re a mermaid or something. We’ll get everything set up in here while you scrub off the sadness.”

I feel a slight pang of embarrassment as I walk into the bathroom. The sunlight is creating little islands of warmth on the black tiles, but it also mercilessly illuminates the limescale in the shower and a couple of cotton swabs that missed the bin. The sink is decorated with a few dried clumps of toothpaste, each of them outlined in red from last time I dyed my hair.

How did I let it get this bad?

I turn on the taps and leave them running while I undress. Then, I lower myself awkwardly into the tub and let the water cascade through my fingers. It would be nice if it was this easy, washing away the sadness and frustration, the longing and the hurt.

The gentle sound of flowing water is mesmerising, and before I know it, the tub is full. I add a small handful of bath salts and swirl it around. A soothing scent of lavender rises with the steam.

When I lie down, the hot water envelops me like a hug. It feels like it’s thawing something in me that I didn’t even know was frozen. I close my eyes and listen to Samara and Miranda laughing about something. It’s almost like being home and hearing my parents talk softly in the other room. It always made me feel safe. Less alone.

As the water begins to cool, I scrub down, slowly, methodically, running soapy hands along every inch of my body. It feels good, like I’m massaging life back into my limbs. Tonight will be fun, I decide. We’re going to stuff our faces with junk food, get absolutely smashed on cheap wine, and pretend that my heart was never broken by some has-been actor from Tartosa.

I watch as the tub empties, imagining that all my sadness is flowing down the drain with the water and the tiny undissolved purple specks from the bath salt. Finally, I move to the shower to wash my hair and rinse off.

When I get out, I stop and examine myself in the mirror. I look a little tired and worn, like I’ve been sick. In a way, I guess I have. But the black tiles are radiating warmth under my feet and there are birds singing outside my window and I’m beginning to feel like everything is going to be fine.

Samara’s blue face glitters in the candlelight. The packaging from the masks we’ve applied is littered with adjectives like “rejuvenating” and “revitalising”, bold statements, but they do actually feel pretty good.

“Sorry, Julia, I know you love this crap, but I just can’t get over the cake tongue. Who decided cake would be the best bait for people? Are we really that obsessed with desserts?”

I look over my nails one last time and put down the file. “I’m actually more disturbed by the whole chin udder situation. I mean, who came up with that?”

Samara makes a disgusted face, but she’s not ready to change the subject. “Seriously though, even if you were absolutely starving and cake was your favourite thing in the whole world, would you really approach a plant shaped like a giant cow head with huge teeth? Really? And then try to grab what is obviously its tongue?”

Miranda giggles tipsily. “No, but can we talk about how Ned’s relationship with the cow plant is super toxic, though? I mean, it always starts out slow, right? Oh, so it eats meat, little bit of a red flag there, but it’s probably fine. And before you know it, you find yourself luring your neighbours to their deaths just to keep it happy.”

“Yeah, it’s classic, the way he keeps making excuses for her? She didn’t mean it, she’s just misunderstood! She only bites me because she loves me! I’m like, Ned, your girlfriend is eating people, you need professional help.”

Samara laughs. “I guess some men would literally rather feed their neighbours to a plant than go to therapy.”

My phone vibrates on the armrest behind me.

“Sorry, it’s Marten again, I better let him know I’ve got company. He’s been super busy with his exams so we haven’t had much time to play lately.”

Miranda raises an eyebrow.

“And he’s still fine just being your friend, is he?”

“Why wouldn’t he be? I mean, he was fine being my friend even though I was dating Paul. Besides, I haven’t even seen him in person since GeekCon, it’s been almost a year…”

I stop. Almost a year since I met Paul. It feels like a lifetime ago. I wonder what would have happened if I’d cosplayed as someone else, or if Paul hadn’t been there that day. Maybe I could have been dating Marten instead of having my heart trampled by some fickle celebrity. Nice, normal Marten with his mousy hair and his robot facts. I smile.

“Anyway, there’s nothing between me and Marten. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

Miranda sends me a mischievous grin. “That reminds me, you know that hot bartender from The Rooftop? Super flirty, cheekbones that could cut glass?”

“The one who gave us free refills on Samara’s birthday? Shane or something?”

“Yeah, him! He asked about you last time, wondered why you hadn’t come with us for like three weeks in a row.”

“How does he even know my name?”

“He didn’t, he just asked about our red-haired friend but you’ve clearly made an impression.” Miranda winks. “Maybe he’d be willing to help you get over Paul.”

I shake my head. “No thanks, I’m pretty sure he’s slept with like half the regulars. And I’m not looking for hook-ups, not now. I need to get my so-called career back on track, but I want to do something… different.”

I think of Paul, of late nights in hotel rooms, laughing at the most ridiculous b-movies before having amazing sex and falling asleep with his arms around me. “I don’t want to do cosplay again, absolutely nothing with movies or comics or superheroes.”

Miranda looks thoughtful. “What about just fashion stuff? I started out with just my shoe reviews and now it’s more general style advice and outfits to match your heels, but you have an eye for it and you know a lot about cuts and materials and design.”

“I guess? I don’t really know a lot about classic fashion, though, like couture and such. And it’s a really tough business to get into, plus I’d kinda like to keep the expenses down for now.”

“You could always just jump on one of the big trends. I bet you’d make bank as one of those clean girl aesthetic influencers or something.”

“That’s actually a good idea. I mean, I can probably get pretty far with just the makeup and clothes I already have. And I could move my sewing machine and rearrange the room, set up my camera and the lights…”

Miranda laughs. “We can start right now as long as it means we don’t have to watch any more terrible movies tonight.”

I reach for the remote. “Not a chance.”

beginning / previous / next

[kiddbegins]

College Days - A. H.

Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader Word count: 10.7k Summary: when you met Aaron back in college, he was not the serious bureaucrat he is in modern days. also kinda sunshine x grumpy but not in the expected way :) A/n: this was going to be one whole thing but... I think i'm going to do two parts so... enjoy !

You didn’t go to college to mess around. You were there to get your points. Get your degree. Get the job of your dreams. Well… your family's dreams but that was besides the point. 

Not a day went by where your family wasn’t talking about you becoming a lawyer. It became such a usual conversation topic you nearly forgot it wasn’t your idea. 

But you pretended it was. Besides, going down the coast for your law degree couldn’t be that horrible. George Washington University was far enough from family that you wouldn’t feel pressured into doing anything you didn’t truly want. 

Which included the fact your parents wanted you to live on campus. Which you wouldn’t mind if you didn’t see that another first year was looking for a roommate about five minutes off grounds. 

All your life you’d shared a room with your siblings. Literally from the day they were born up until graduation. Your sister and you shared a room, sometimes forced to share with your brother. So of course you leaped at a chance for your own space, own area. 

And your now roommate, Louise Davis, was just the entry you needed. She was a biology major, you were there for political science and a minor for criminal justice. 

A good duo. 

There were rarely any classes together. You planned to take the necessary art class together though, a chance to have some time together where you’re not just mutually studying. 

And you’d now been roommates for two, going on three years. Like sisters practically. Told each other everything, and really… everything. You knew WAY too much about her love and sex life with her boyfriend, Jared. 

They’d been a whole ‘will they/won't they’ since freshman year but apparently sometimes over the summer he asked her out and they’d been together since. 

Which was swell and all but you were… not a fan of his roommate. Aaron Hotchner. You were there for the same major but he was always acting like he had all the time in the world for everything. 

You weren’t entirely sure you saw a time where he wasn’t grinning like a goof or laughing at something either he or Jared had said. 

In classes you shared, sure, he took notes. But at the same time he was drawing stupid little figures into the margins of his lined paper. 

Not that you took notice of them that much. Just those days he sat close enough that you caught a glimpse. You hated those days. 

The way he seemed to care less and less made you so… mad? Like he shouldn’t even be in these classes. This school even. Why you cared about his studies or lack thereof was completely questionable to you. 

But regardless, the nights where Louise begged you to go out with her and Jared were hard. You wanted to study, she told you there was still two weeks until the paper was due and practically dragged you out of the apartment. 

And each time it of course wasn’t just you two. Nope. Aaron was there. And sure, you should have been less stiff. Been able to let go, drink a few drinks, dance even. But all you could think of was that you weren’t home studying. 

Which was apparently noticeable by everyone around you. “Seriously, y/n, you need to take a break. I don’t think I have ever seen you just… be.” Louise had a large smile on her face, cheeks tinted red from the warmth and alcohol in her system. And her words were lighthearted. 

She wanted you to have a good time. To not be bound down because of your studies. Louise knew you were only this hard on yourself because you were the oldest of three, an oldest daughter at that and you knew you had to succeed. 

She knew. 

But she also knew that you needed to breathe. Find a way to be yourself in ways you wouldn’t let yourself. Which was evident with the shake of your head, “Lou, really, it’s bad enough I’m out right now instead of starting my essay for Korofsky’s class. The last thing I need is to get distracted.”

He was your harshest teacher and you were constantly terrified he’d write off your work and down play what you got. 

It wouldn’t surprise you. He always half offed the girls grades in class. How the hell did Aaron fucking Hotchner get a near perfect score on his probably half assed paper but you got a near ten points less?

You slept a total of five hours in the three nights it took you to write that. But he got a better score. Maybe that’s what ticked you off about the boy. 

He didn’t try. And apparently didn’t have to try like you did. And it got right up under your skin. Especially now, you needed to be home, writing and you knew that’s where you’d rather be. 

But he was out in the middle of the dance floor, probably three beers deep with Jared who was half dancing, half waiting for his girlfriend to join him. 

“Oh come on y/n/n. It’s one night.”

“A lot of stuff happens in one night. Seriously, you go dance. I’m good right here.” You said glancing around for any chance you could get to run off. Any chance. 

There didn’t seem to be one for a while after Louise ran off, her eyes going over to you too much to make a smooth getaway. 

And that dwindled when the Bain of your existence came up next to you, “why aren’t you out there?” Aaron questioned, out of breath with bright red cheeks. He leaned on the table, hoping it would give enough leverage that he could catch his breath. 

You gave him the cold shoulder, not responding. Not unusual. He noted the way you ignored his existence quickly. Did he have any idea why you hated him? Nope. Not a clue. But he wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t make him want to bother you more. 

He liked annoying you, hoping at some point you’d crack and decide that he wasn’t a horrible person. Because he wasn’t. He was just following his fathers footsteps. Which you didn’t know but that didn’t matter to either of you. 

“Oh come on, you’re gonna ignore me now too? This isn’t karofsky’s class where I’m asking for your notes.” He sighed, looking over at you, giving you an expectant smile when you looked back. 

Slightly you sighed, sipping the virgin Shirley temple you had in front of you, “I don’t want to be out there.” You gave in a monotone voice. Clearly wanting both him to go away and not talk to you. 

Ever. 

“Why not? They have some pretty good music-“

“I just don’t.” Your voice came out snappier than intended but the constant harassment of why you didn’t want to be out was just added to the annoyance of said instance. 

Somehow Aaron seemed to understand that, nodding, “Alright. If you want help sneaking out, I can help.” His offer genuinely surprised you. 

You looked him over, he was a college boy so you felt like you should be weary, but he was also friends with Jared who was nice enough for you to trust who he kept company with. 

Even with the slight hesitation you nodded, “Would you?” He nodded instantly. Unbeknownst to you he was all for secrets and assisting in them. 

“Course, come on. I’ll tell them you felt sick, walked you home.” He held his arm out to you which you took, shockingly, before walking out with him. 

Whether Louise and/or Jared noticed didn’t even matter, you seemed perfectly okay walking out of the small bar with the kid you swore up and down you hated and it wasn’t that horrible. 

That’s when things shifted. You had formed some sort of alliance with him. He acted like he wanted nothing to do with you so Jared would have a reason to tell Louise not to invite you out more. Which she hated and did anyway but when you said the same thing back to her she bit her cheek and dropped it. 

It was like a magical form of detestment. Except now you wanted to be around him. You didn’t put those thoughts over your work. Never ever. But when you went to class you didn’t mind if you ‘had’ to sit next to him. 

He didn’t seem to mind either. Especially not when you were the quiet one that had all your note taking stuff ready in front of you before class started and he got to just go off about some stupid shit Jared did that morning. 

A lot of the time you wanted to tell him to shut up, but truthfully you did happen to half smile at his words sometimes. And it was like he was chasing that. Like he wanted to see it. 

And maybe he did. 

But he’d never admit that. Not even on his death bed. Because he was nearly sure you were still indifferent to him. Which you weren’t. 

Lots of miscommunication and misunderstanding going on but neither of you were brave enough to confront it and set things straight. 

It wasn’t like you had given up on school, that was still your focus and 9/10 you were truly nose deep in your work or a text book for whatever class it was that kept you away from everyone. 

Near the end of the year it was worse. The last couple of months were hell. Your eyes burned more easily. Words blurred together on the paper and the library was practically your first home. Not even second. First. 

You’d leave there later than anyone, which was admittedly creepy (you were convinced it was haunted), but you still did it anyway. Getting there after your last class of the day and just pouring every remaining brain cell into the papers and homework that were due. 

It was tiring. Exhausting. The amount of times your hand cramped up from the fast paced cursive you wrote out couldn’t be counted on your fingers and your knee bounced with every second you had to reread a line. 

Because that didn’t say that did it? Oh it did… no it didn’t. 

You really couldn’t make out this last chapter for the semester, none of the words making any goddamn sense and it was making you so frustrated you wanted to cry. 

There was a throbbing in your temple that was working its way across your forehead and it really felt like your brain was going to explode. Could that happen? Who cares, that’s what it felt like. 

Honestly, your presence at the library was very noticed. If not by the librarians then the other students that also frequented. Can you guess who one of those students would be?

Aaron. He noticed because everyday he’d sit at least an hour to catch up on notes he’d missed in class thanks to whoever was kind enough to give him the in between stuff and each time he managed to find you. 

It helped that you had a designated spot. Honorary of course. You liked being in the corner, against the far wall. Sure you used one of the bigger tables but it was never clear. Always covered with something. A text book. Notebooks. Loose papers. Everything or a mix of it. 

Regardless it made it rather easy to spot you. The highlighter colored jacket you wore quite often brought his eyes over to you easily, plenty of times. 

A part of him thought he should stay where he was at but he just couldn’t ignore you. “Do you ever go home?” He asked as he sat across from you. 

No wait for an invitation, just… sat. You looked up at him without lifting your head. 

“Do you ever study?” Your voice tight. “Yes, now leave me alone.” You sighed, stressed enough as is, that you couldn’t focus on the words on the paper. Of course he didn’t listen, because why would he?

Instead he just stayed across, crossing his arms on the table and looking over at what exactly you were reading. “What class is that for?” He tried to question, a groan of annoyance leaving your mouth. 

“Do you know what leave me alone means?” You asked, finally looking at him. He scrunched his nose up, his eye doing the same as he hummed. 

“Mmm, not entirely. Come on, you never take a break… that’s gotta get tiring,” He continued, eyes on you fully.

It slightly burned that he was just staring, trying to ignore the way it made you slightly self conscious. “I don’t want to take a break. Can you just-“

“Leave you alone, yeah yeah, heard that before.” He said, “How about instead of interrogating you, I ask how your studying is going?” He shifted, you biting your cheek. 

“Admittedly not great.” You confessed for some reason, subconsciously craving some sort of buffer before returning to work as you sighed, “I’m trying to focus and it isn’t happening. You’re really not helping either.”

Aaron smiled, “Well if it already wasn’t going great then how much worse would I be making it?” He offered with a chuckle, tilting his head. 

You wanted to argue his words but, he sadly had somewhat of a point. “Oh shut up. I’m serious.” You ended up spilling how and why you had truthfully hit a block that was practically killing you. 

“Would it help if someone read it to you? Take notes from that?” He asked and for a second you thought it was a stupid question. But honestly, it could help. 

You shrugged, “Maybe? But it’s not like there’s an audio version of this just laying around.” You muttered, trying to focus on again as Aaron laughed lightly. 

“Well I was going to offer to read it myself but you seem to be very well off on your own so I’ll leave you to it.”

“Wait.” You cut him off, grabbing his hand as he went to stand and leave. “It’s worth a try. I really need to go over this tonight.” You felt crazy asking, even crazier for the fact that you’re hand stayed where it was the entirety of the time you spoke and as he sat back down in the chair. 

Quickly you pulled it back, turning the text book to him. “I’m here but honestly, I don’t know what the hell the first couple pages were so…”

You trailed off but he nodded, flipping to the opening page. “No worries, I’ll start from the beginning.” He replied casually, like he genuinely didn’t mind that he was here, helping. 

His voice was all you focused on as he read word for word, line by line through every last page. It truthfully was helping immensely that you could tell him to stop and he would, elaborating when needed. 

It was nice. 

But you’d never admit that. You kept the straight line of your lips on your face and no other emotion behind your eyes. You were in school for a serious degree that you were serious about getting. 

There was no need to mess around and get comfortable with a boy. At all. (But you wanted to.)

Instead of acting on anything you just let him read, unaware of how his eyes went over every once in a while, adoring the way your hair slipped over your shoulder. A chuckle leaving his lips when you told him to pause so you could tie back said hair. 

By the end you had a pretty solid few pages of notes and a satisfied Aaron. 

“Honestly, I think I understood more by reading that out loud than I ever have by reading it to myself.” He admitted, closing the book and slipping it over to your pile that was admittedly messy. 

You started putting away everything, glancing at him, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Maybe we can make this a thing. I read, you write, I… copy the notes you take so I have a more digestible version?” He offered and you wanted to say no. 

Being with him as is was enough. But it helped a lot. And it helped him. God why did you care that it helped him too? You sighed, tightening the ponytail that had been made an hour ago, nodding. 

“How do you do it?” You asked, his look of confusion making you take in a breath. “You’re always laughing. Or goofing off. I hardly ever even see you take notes in class. This is a serious job we’re going into and you’re just… not. How do you do it?”

Aaron hesitated before shrugging faintly, “I don’t know, it’s just how I am I guess..” He trailed off, watching for your reaction and for an inevitable answer to his offer.

“Alright, we can do this again.” Your voice tight. Hiding… something behind it that he took note of, too tired to try and go into it today, well, tonight. It was technically tomorrow now since it was 1am. 

Aaron smiled, standing, “I’ll walk you to your apartment.”

“Your apartment is on the opposite side of campus. I’ll be fine.” You brushed off his statement, his dark brown eyes immediately darkening. 

“Y/n, it’s almost 1:30 in the morning and from here your apartment is on the opposite side of campus and then some. I’m walking you.” His words left no room for disagreement and truthfully you’d never seen him sound as serious as he just did. 

There was always some sort of goofiness or joke behind his tone. But this? You simply nodded at him, deciding to not argue and just go with it. He’d be the one walking back and forth. Not your problem. 

“Fine.” You muttered, finally zipping the backpack you brought with you up and lugging it onto your back. The weight of it did nothing but make your body ache but you had to carry it all so you learned to ignore it. 

Aaron glanced at you, “you want me to carry that?” His voice back to being lighthearted as he gestured to the bag. 

“I got it.” You said with a shake of your head, immediately feeling a bit guilty at how harsh that had come out so you glanced back at him, “thank you though.” A shift in your tone. 

Maybe you were starting to not hate him as much as you thought you did. 

—

“Y/n, are you listening to me?” Louise looked over at you, your nose in a book that was shockingly, not actually school related. It instead was just a pleasure read and you were trying to be content with that.

She wasn’t of course, “Oh come on. That’s not even for school and you’re still focused more on that than the fact I’m trying to plan you a birthday party?” Her weight was next to you in your bed in seconds, no sense of personal space known to her.

You sighed, tucking the small bookmark into the book and putting it on the bedside table. “Lou, I have told you like, a million and one times. I don’t want a birthday party. It’s not like it’s a milestone-”

“25 most definitely is a milestone. You have one year left at this school before you’re officially off, being whatever lawyer you’re going to be. This is my last year here. So therefore. Milestone. Now. I’m thinking we just do something at that bar we went to across town.” Louise rambled off, her legs crossing.

You pursed your lips, deciding to just give into her vision. “Okay, okay. So are you like, wanting ideas? Or?” You questioned, leaning back on your bed a bit to finally stretch some from where you were.

“Yes! Yes please. I know you like The Addams family and Halloween and it’s very out of season to do but would you want to do a costume party?” Her question made your eyebrows raise. How she even knew that you had no idea. 

It wasn’t like you were loud and proud about your likeness of the spooky season or the movie, aside from the fact you went and saw it three times when it came out. “That… would actually be really, really, cool.” You admitted,

“And before you ask, you can be Morticia, I know you’ve been dying to be her for halloween.” You didn’t even have to think as you spoke, you did love the movie but if you were going to dress up as anything it was going to be something completely different than what she would be thinking.

Louise’s eyes widened, “Oh I love you so much, okay, I’m gonna start planning everything, don’t worry.” She leaned forward to hug you tightly, practically snapping your back before she hopped up, already having a thousand ideas in her mind about the party.

On the same hand, you were thinking over what to be. There were two main options, pull out the Dorothy from the wizard of Oz dress from a couple years ago or look for a Princess Leia outfit. Considering you were recently back into Star Wars the latter won and you were hoping to god you could find something to wear.

—

The weekend of the party got here quickly. Quicker than you’d like but truthfully it didn’t matter much since you had already gotten all the pieces necessary for your costume, now just sitting in front of your mirror attempting to perfect the hairstyle Leia wore with it.

Different than the usual side buns since you opted for the more conservative outfit from Return of the Jedi. Meaning a nice braided crown was all you needed and was majorly simple in comparison to keeping the two buns even or stopping them from drooping. All would’ve been roadblockers. 

“Are you ready?” Louise’s voice called out, poking her head through the door. “Oh god, you are such a dork.” A small smile on her face. She’d already seen both Jared and Aaron’s costumes and was ready to leave.

You stood, turning, “Yeah, yeah, but does it look okay?” You questioned, worryful that it would look weird on you. Louise had seen the movies but she wasn’t as into them as you were. She came in, stepping around you.

“Amazing, come on. The boys are waiting.” She pulled your arm, taking you from the room and the two boys were in the living room. 

Jared of course was matching with Louise, a nice suit that looked like Gomez’ and his hair slicked back. It was fitting. Very nice.

You froze as you looked at Aaron, “Oh you’re kidding..” You muttered, looking over his brown pants, beige long sleeved shirt and dark blue vest down to the leg harness and fake gun that mirrored yours in it. “Han Solo?”

“Princess Leia.” He copied your questionable tone as you sighed, your eyes closing momentarily before you nodded. “Nice.” He didn’t mind (accidentally) matching the birthday girl, but the other two took note of the way your face went pink.

People would think it was on purpose. Everyone around was aware of that and apparently you were the only one that cared. “I’m going to change, I still have my Dorothy costume-”

“No! Y/n/n we are already late for your own party. You look amazing, who cares if you match Aaron? It’s cute. Now let's go.” She didn’t even give you time to head back into your room before she gripped your wrist and pulled you out the door.

The boys were right behind you and you couldn’t deny that you were aware of Aaron’s eyes on you. Because of course they were. The costumes were making his confidence grow, aside from the same degree, he wasn’t sure you had anything in common really aside from the friends you both kept.

But now? You liked Star Wars, he loved Star Wars. You knew enough of the movies to pick the least popular outfit from the trilogy and it honestly made his heart race. Just the thought of bringing the conversation up. 

He never knew what to talk about around you. All he could muster was laws and some criminology he learned from the criminal justice class he took. By the time you made it to the bar together, he had about three different topics he wanted to go on and on about.

A small chorus of cheers, mainly from Louise’s friends rather than people you actually knew greeted you and the party was on. You allowed yourself two drinks. Two. That was it. Alcohol wise anyway.

“Hey,” Aaron’s voice should have caught you off guard but considering he was one of maybe four people you actually knew here, two of which were already off sucking face somewhere, it didn’t. And you could tell at some point he’d show up.

How could he not? “Hi.” You were used to being around him now, the coldness you usually put off to him had dwindled to just a slight breeze if anything at all. Especially since he’d become your official book reader.

A smile was already on his lips but it grew when he realized you were past the ‘hating his guts’ phase, “Nice costume,” He of course started, your eyes lifting to his. There was a layer of teasing to his words. Aaron was well aware that you didn’t like the implications that an accidental matching costume had. Especially not a stereotypical couples costume.

“Right.”

“Maybe we should have discussed what we were going to wear more, huh,” He chuckled, sipping the beer he’d already gotten. You couldn’t judge that choice, you already had a dirty shirley in front of you as well.

A small hint of a smile attempting to grace your face but you pushed it away as you nodded, “Yeah, maybe.” You muttered, picking a cherry from your drink and eating it. Absent-mindedly you put the stem in your mouth, twisting it with your tongue into a knot and putting it on the napkin in front of you.

Aaron gaped at you, his eyes glancing from your face down to the stem before he nodded, “Next time…” He trailed off before clearing his throat and forcing himself to walk away from you. That was unusual. He never was the first one to stop the conversation, he always bothered you until you told him to go away.

Your eyes traveled to the stem, eyes widening. Oh. That… that made sense. The whole bar trick thing. You hadn’t even thought about that when you did it but now your face was probably the color of said cherry and you wanted to hide in the corner.

Eventually though, the instance fell to the back of your mind as you let yourself have a good time. The two drink rule also fell off, now having had about four, only the first had actually been picked by you, the others from various guests that were there.

And being the people pleaser that you were, you drank them.

Louise had found her way back out to the dance floor, happy to be singing along to the songs on the speakers with you, everything was going perfect. The night was perfect. As it hit midnight, the actual day you were born, you decided to start sobering up, you didn’t want to be a mess the next morning, day off or not.

Your friend of course gave you a pout, her own self completely wasted, Jared less so, meaning he had a good eye on her as they moved throughout the place. Your only other friend was a girl from your art class, Kendall, that was as introverted as you were.

Granted her was from anxiety, yours was from needing to be good in school, which… could be labeled as anxiety as well but you refused to see it as that. “Hey, y/n! Happy birthday!” She immediately perked up at seeing you, in her Orange Blossom costume from strawberry shortcake.

“Hey! Thanks, Kendall, I love this costume. Did you hand stitch this?” Your eyes widening at the level of detail that was in the yellow and orange dress that hung on her body. Sheepishly she nodded, a tad bit embarrassed.

“I did..”

“It looks amazing, I’m truthfully jealous of your talent. I can barely fold my clothes correctly, nevermind customize them. This is insane.” You complimented thoroughly, once again taking a look at the stitched in white flowers.

Kendall grinned, “Thank you, I honestly made this a couple years ago for a party that never ended up happening so I’m very glad that you and Louise ended up making this a costume party.” She smiled, looking over your costume. “I hope I don’t sound silly but, what’s your costume meant to be?”

She’d never seen Star Wars so the question was expected. “Princess Leia, in one of the other movies.” Kendall made an ‘oh’ face as she nodded, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Wait, isn’t there someone here as Han Solo? Was that planned?” Kendall asked the cursed question, making you sigh heavily.

You shook your head, “No, that’s Lou’s boyfriend’s roommate, a pain in my ass but no, not planned. Just… small coincidence.” You slightly trailed off as you spoke. Kendall nodded, noting the way you shifted on your feet.

“Well, I’m probably going to head out. I have to be up early tomorrow. Have a good birthday y/n.” She smiled before leaving you standing there as a slow song came over the speakers. You of course moved out of everyone’s way as they split into couples, swaying to the song on the dancefloor.

Your heart practically dropped when you saw Aaron coming in your direction. Was he going to do what you thought he was going to do? God you hoped not… sort of. Part of you wanted him to, your thoughts about this man were everywhere and then some. 

All of you wanted to still dislike him but he’d weaseled in and now you had to fake your distaste to hide the fact you actually liked having him around. Liked that he was smiling as he came up to you and held his hand out.

You liked that he gently clasped his hand around yours when you took his and pulled you out with him. You liked all of it and you hated that you did. Hated that you were melting at the smell of his cologne and aftershave.

Absolutely hated that his hands just resting on your hips and your arms over his shoulders was making your head dizzy even though you were just barely swaying. The worst part? It didn’t feel awkward. Not for you at least.

No, it felt like you were supposed to be doing exactly what you were doing, no words needed. It was natural. Absentmindedly you slid your fingers through the hair just at the base of his neck, the hair framing his face a bit messy but still attractive. 

Did you just think he was attractive? God this was getting bad, even for you. To tear your eyes away from him you leaned your head against his shoulder, whether that made things better or worse was undetermined but you stayed like that the rest of the song, his thumb slightly rubbing circles into your hip as he stayed near you.

The song switched to a more upbeat one and you almost didn’t want to pull away. Almost. Instead you did, letting out a tight breath as you looked up at him. “That was nice.” You mumbled, still standing in front of him, trying to keep your eyes on his eyes, or hair, or anything that wasn’t his lips.

Something had festered in between the two of you in that moment and you felt suffocated. Like you should do something but you weren’t sure what. “It was.” He said in return, his tone the same as he tried to keep his eyes up too.

To solve both of your problems you turned heel and walked away, no goodbye just a rushed, near jog towards the door. You were panicking. Boys were not supposed to be on the table. This was one of the most important years of your life. You couldn’t waste it on a boy. Waste any time on something that wasn’t your work.

Aaron seemed to notice how tense you seemed, following behind you. If you had just disappeared into the crowd he would have left you. But running outside? Alone? He was protective, always had been. Even when you hated him.

So he jogged after you, “Y/n! Hey wait,” He caught up with you quickly. Curse his long legs and your short ones. “Please,” He gripped your elbow, stopping you in your place as you turned to him.

Correction, turned into him, your body hit his chest gently, his other hand lightly holding your side as he stabilized you, his eyes darting across yours. “Are you okay?” He asked, his voice low, soft even as he spoke.

You felt like he could hear the sound of your heart picking up in your chest. You were. But you weren’t. You’d be better if you weren’t fighting every urge known to man to not lift up and kiss him. To not look at him with your y/e/c eyes until he kisses you.

And you sure as hell didn’t trust your voice right now. It could waver, stutter, multitudes of other things. So you just nodded, clearing your throat to let out a quiet, “Yeah.” In response that he didn’t believe. 

“People that are okay don’t run out of their own birthday parties.” He countered, your eyes falling shut in defeat. He wasn’t wrong. But you wished he was. You stepped back, his hands hesitantly sliding off of you, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth. 

Aaron watched you, waiting for a sign that you were going to continue or that he should make some sort of first move. “I can’t do this.”

“What exactly is ‘this’?”

“This. I can see how you’re looking at me. I can feel how much I want to do what we’re both thinking but I can’t. Not now. I need- I need to focus on school. My parents are expecting me to graduate next year. I can’t… be distracted-”

Aaron had to comment, “So you are distracted by me.” He spoke, the glare you sent him making him shut up. “Why can’t you have both? Am I really that distracting to you?” This time his voice was more genuine.

As if he couldn’t fathom that you could really think about him more than you thought about your school work. Which you didn’t and wouldn’t but in the last three-ish months he was on your mind a tad bit more than you’d like to admit.

“Yes. Yes you are and god Aaron I hate it. I hate this, you, what I’m feeling. They… they weren’t supposed to happen. They can’t.” It was like you were trying to convince yourself more than him. Every part of you wanted to try, to see if you could do it.

The way he stepped forward, cupping your cheeks in both of his hands didn’t help. Neither did the way he lifted your face to meet his. “We can try.” He said softly, trying to get you on board as his thumb slid over the smooth skin of your cheek.

You slightly shook your head, his nodding in return as he leaned down, putting his forehead against yours. “If Han and Leia can have a thing amidst a war, we can in college.” He offered, a lopsided grin growing on his face.

“You know we’re not actually Han and Leia, right?” You said, an actual tone of a joke in your voice that Aaron was still getting used to hearing from you. He nodded, of course he knew. But he also knew that he wanted to kiss you anyway.

So he did. Slowly he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Because at least if you shoved him off and decided you never wanted to see him again, at least he’d know what it felt like. What you felt like. Except that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

You immediately relaxed into his touch, your hands coming up to rest over his as your lips moved with one another's. It was like a ball of energy was forming between you that was stealing every bit of space left. 

His chest pressed against yours, his hands still on your face as your hands slid up his arms and over his shoulders. 

You stepped back with him, leaning against the brick wall of whatever building was behind you, arms locking over his shoulders. If you’d been at one or the other’s place, you were sure it would have gone further but since you were practically ten feet from a bar of all your friends, you pulled back, eyes darting across his face.

“We can’t.” You forced out, knowing it was tearing you apart to say that, knowing the way his shoulders and hands fell that you’d just tore him apart. And you hated it, but it had to be done. You couldn’t do this.

You wouldn’t.

—

Summer was supposed to be downtime. Your family loved going out to Newport and being out on the beach everyday. out on the beach everyday. Swimming. All that cool New England fun. 

You were never the type. You hated the ocean. Ironic considering the fact that Rhode Island is the ocean state but you just never had fun. 

Sand got into every small crevice of your body, the waves literally tried to drown you. Not to mention the way no matter how much sunscreen you put on, your cheeks and shoulders burnt. 

It wasn’t fun. 

But you went for your siblings. Because they liked it and you liked that they did. Your parents wouldn’t go into the water with them. Half the time they wouldn’t even acknowledge that the three of you existed. 

So you took that spot. Watching your younger sister (now 21) do her backflips while your brother (now 19) held his breath until he couldn’t. It was your own type of fun. 

Fun because you were with your family, not fun because you were at the beach. 

Your favorite part wasn’t being out. It was the aftermath. After you showered and ate and were just sitting in your living room with whatever movie was picked that day on the VCR. 

Your sister chose Casablanca and you didn’t put up any argument, knowing you’d be passed out and unconscious not even twenty minutes into the film.

Which is exactly what happened. You tucked yourself into the corner of the couch and were passed out before the clock even hit 10. There was always a sense of calm and comfort when it was the three of you.

Something that you rarely ever got when you were away. It made you kind of guilty that sometimes you thought of not coming back. Of staying down in DC and focusing on yourself rather than the lingering words and expectations of your parents.

But you couldn’t do that to them. Leave them with the lingering and watchful eyes of your mom and dad. It wouldn’t be fair. Not when you were walking in your parent’s dreams so they didn’t have to. So your sister could go off and be an author. So your brother could become a mechanic. So they didn’t have to bear the weight.

So you visited on holidays, on vacations, birthdays if you could. All of it, so your parents would have something, someone to be so overly proud of that they didn’t have to force their views anywhere else.

They had it all right there.

Even if the drive back down to the campus was 50% tears, it was worth it. Everything you did for them was worth it.

The three and a half months off of school had distracted you from everything of the last months on campus. From Aaron in general but also the way he’d kissed you. Nevermind the fact that the second you walked away from him you wanted to go back and kiss him again.

But no. This was your last year. You were focused. Or at least you planned to be. And it went well. Louise still lived in the apartment you two shared, even if she wasn’t in school anymore but she worked… a lot so she was never there. Which meant the place was yours to study and hermit in.

It made hitting the books way easier, and the fact that so far you hadn’t even caught a glimpse of Aaron Hotchner was another sign that maybe this year was going to be better. Way better. No seriously, the first four months of being back were perfect, you got near perfect scores and grades, no distractions, nothing.

Until you did see him. And everything came back. Seeing him walking across campus made you nearly drop the book in your hands. It didn’t help that your eyes followed his arm down to his hand that was clasped into that of another girl.

It shouldn’t bother you. There was nothing there. You made sure of that. That was your doing so you couldn’t be mad. Or jealous. Or anything. So you went the other way, as always avoiding any problems you might possibly end up having.

Unbeknownst to you, he saw you too, instantly feeling guilt build in his stomach at the feeling of the red head’s hand in his when he didn’t want it to be her. He wanted it to be you. But he respected you too much to push you.

Aaron was aware that he was your last priority and that he was going to have to get over it and step back. Nothing but respect for you. He also decided that he would try and stick to his own guns. 

Your words last year had stuck with him. He was passing sure but he wanted to do better. To be better so he did what you would do. Locked in, focused, but he of course wouldn’t go without talking to girls.

He couldn’t do that, to the girl he walked with that day, whose name had slipped his mind the second he saw you was his emotional distraction. Which should be good for the both of you. Hopefully.

—

It was late. Like, later than late and you couldn’t sleep. Whether it was stress. It being a Friday night meaning you were alone or what. You could not fall asleep. So you got up, pulled shoes and a sweater on before heading out.

There was practically nobody around, most students either in for the night, or downtown getting sloshed. Louise and Jared were the latter, probably with Aaron. You sighed, of course there would be a way for him to come up in your mind. And like he could read your thoughts, he practically appeared next to you.

In reality he came out of the library, his eyes immediately finding you and jogging to catch up with you. “Y/n? Why are you out so late? It’s a Friday, shouldn't you be sacrificing an animal to the law degree gods or something?”

Even with his ‘I’m going to be more serious’ mentality, he couldn’t help but relax when it came to you, the admittedly half assed joke making him grin. In turn a small one formed on your face, something you still weren’t used to.

How could he bring that look to your face when nobody else could? Louise tried but it took a lot. But with Aaron just him being him did it. “Couldn’t sleep.” You shrugged, continuing on. You knew telling him to go home was no use, if it was dark and you were alone, he’d find a way to stay with you.

“Right, so, going for a walk around campus was your idea of what? Getting tired?” He questioned, chuckling when you gently elbowed him.

“Don’t make fun of my ideas, I think they’re very swell.” You countered, him humming in response. The way you two bounced off of one another was so disgustingly natural you hated it. All you had to do was look at him to feel your cheeks burn, he was already watching you.

The slight and quick eye contact made your stomach flip as Aaron nudged you, “Not poking fun, just trying to understand.” He corrected. “If you’re going to walk around, at least be somewhere cool. C’mon.” 

He held his hand out and you wanted to ignore it. Wanted to laugh in his face at the thought of walking with him hand in hand but you took it instead. His hand enveloping yours in difference as you silently walked off campus and down one of the roads that led from it.

“Where are you taking me?” Your voice soft, no malice or accusatory tone to it.

“You’ll see.” Aaron replied, lightly squeezing your hand. And for a minute you forgot this isn’t what this was supposed to be. Forgot that you had sworn yourself off of him, of boys in general. That you weren’t meant to be holding his hand and walking the streets of DC.

But he just made it so easy, he was so welcoming. So casual. Like he had no ulterior motive to anything but he was savoring the moments you’d let him have. The fact that you let him walk next to you. You let him grab your hand. You let him feel what he felt even if he knew that you weren’t going to give in.

Aaron held out hope that you would. Eventually.

The park just down the road came up only fifteen minutes later. The longest fifteen minutes of your life, trying to keep your breathing even, both from the close proximity and the walking itself.

“You alright?” He asked quietly, the two of you entering the park and walking along one of the paths that lead to the water. 

You nodded, glancing over at him, “Yeah, I’m alright,” you replied in the same tone, lingering on him before you forced your eyes away. 

There honestly should have been something in you that reminded you that he was just with that other girl a few weeks ago, but his presence now was just so strong that it didn’t even cross your mind. 

All that mattered now was his hand in yours and how he was walking perfectly in step with you regardless of the height difference. The way he had a faint smile on his face without even looking at you. 

That was all you focused on. 

“Wanna sit here?” His voice cut into your thoughts, gesturing next to a tree right on the edge of the water. There was a perfect patch of flat ground where you two could sit so you nodded, following him right into the dirt. 

Both of you faced the river, backs hunched in terrible posture but neither of you really cared. “I’m sorry I ran off.” You spoke up after a few minutes, Aaron glancing over at you. “It was… childish. You didn’t deserve that.”

His hand was still in yours, his thumb beginning to stroke over the top of yours. “It’s okay. Hurt. But it’s okay.” Aaron replied, giving you the softest brown eyed gaze you’d ever seen. 

If you weren’t already head over heels for him, this would have made all of those feelings show up magically. “I still don’t know what I want.”

“That’s okay too.”

The quickness in his response, the sense of security it gave you, it made you sigh softly, “Is it?” You muttered, pulling your hand from his in fear he’d do it first. 

Aaron went to speak but you shook your head, “I don’t like feeling like this. I don’t like… you waiting around for me to finally be ‘ready’. What if I never am?” Slight panic layering into your voice. 

“Y/n, listen to me.” He leaned forward to catch your eyes, giving a small smile, “I’ll wait for you. Always. I want to.” And that should have been enough. 

That should have made you feel better but it didn’t. Though in an attempt to avoid the rest of the conversation, you laid back in the dirt, looking up into the leaves above you. 

He mimicked you, lying just to your left in silence. It also didn’t feel weird, forced even. Still it just felt natural. His hand going back to yours felt natural. All of it did. Because why wouldn’t it…

“Why’d you choose law?” Aaron asked after a bit of silence, turning his head to you. 

A light scoff at the way it was worded was what he got in response, “Choose is a bit of a stretch.” You murmured, rolling your tongue across your cheek. “That would equate to there being a second option.” You added. 

His eyebrows furrowed as he turned his head more, “You didn’t want to come here?”

“Well, I did. But not at the same time?” Your words confusing not only him but you yourself. “I knew it’s what my parents wanted. So it became what I wanted. You know?”

Aaron nodded slightly, “In a way. I mean I’m here because it’s a family thing. But I know it’s what’s right. I wanted it.”

“A family thing?”

“Yeah, my dad was a lawyer. And my grandfather. My little brother is probably going to be too… family thing.” He sighed, looking back up. 

You slightly lifted onto your elbow, “Is that why you weren’t as serious the last couple years?” You asked, Aaron shrugging in response. 

There wasn’t really a solid reason that he was so lighthearted. It was just how he was. “I guess. But, I’m past that.”

“Yeah I can tell,” you said sarcastically, gesturing to where you two were right now. Aaron laughed fully, nodding. 

“Okay, point taken. But I’m serious, I’m focusing on school more this year, my last year and I want to just… get it done.” He explained, watching as you lifted onto your elbow to look at him. 

His eyes traveled across your face, his lips pursing as you looked down at him, “don’t look at me like that.” He muttered, eyes on yours. 

“Like what?” Your eyebrows pulled together, there wasn’t anything specific about how you were looking at him. You just … were looking. 

Aaron slightly shook his head, “Like that,” he gestured at you, “like you understand and that you get it because, it’s making it really hard to respect the fact you don’t want to kiss me again.” He sighed out softly. 

You immediately bit back a smile, laying back down, “apologies.” You said softly, inching your hand closer to his, your pinky outstretched. 

His looped around yours in response and you allowed yourself to smile this time, shivering slightly. “Are you cold?” He immediately asked, already taking the hoodie he had on, off and putting it around you before you even replied. 

“I didn’t even answer you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

You looked over at him, shifting slightly closer to rest your head against his shoulder, “what if you get cold?” You muttered, hand officially slipping into his. 

“I’ll be just fine.” He replied, his head leaning against yours and you just about melted. Feeling the slight vibration of his voice as he spoke made your brain all foggy and you started to wonder if ignoring these feelings would be more distracting than just giving into them. 

But you tucked that back away for the night, the two of you ending up falling asleep right there, his hoodie the only source of warmth until he pulled you to him, your bodies making up for the lack of heat around you. 

That morning you were gone before he even woke up, the sun rising having stirred you from your sleep and shining directly on what was wrong with what you were doing out there. 

His hoodie was still over your shoulders as you practically ran back to your apartment. Truthfully you didn’t even notice until you caught sight of it in the mirror by the entrance and it made your heart pound. Now you had to see him again. 

Not that you didn’t want to. He was literally eating away at your brain. If you weren’t thinking about school, it was about him. 

If he wasn’t thinking about school, he was thinking about you. It was a very balanced experience. And you could live with it.

Until you failed a test because you were sitting two seats away from him and the smell of his cologne was wafting right to your nose. 

That was when you decided you had to do something about this. Anything. 

—

Which apparently meant actively avoiding him at every turn and step. He came out of a building, you took the long way around to go in. 

He was sitting in the back of class, suddenly you were okay with sitting in the front row. You stopped asking him to meet up at the library, not wanting to hear his voice any more than you already did. 

It worked tremendously. Eventually you could find yourself actually focusing on classes again. Your grade sailing. 

It was short lived though. 

“Y/n, someone’s here for youuu,” Louise sing-songed as she passed your bedroom door, trotting into her own to change for the night out she had ahead of her. 

You furrowed your brows, heading out to the living room and seeing Aaron standing there. You wanted to tell him to go away but something in his eyes made you stay. He didn’t look great. 

“Aaron?” You asked softly, looking over his face. As soon as you said his name his lip began to quiver, fighting off a frown. 

Immediately you stepped up to him, pulling him down into a tight hug, “hey… hey… it’s okay… I got you…” you said softly, arms over his shoulder as you kept him to you, his face burying into your neck. 

“I’m sorry for coming here I just- I didn’t know where else to go and Jared’s going out-“

“Aaron, breathe. It’s okay… what happened?” You pulled back slightly, cupping his face in your hand, the other rubbing across his shoulder with your thumb. 

He sucked in a breath, shaking faintly as he did, “My dad..” he muttered, unable to even phrase the truth, your heart dropping. 

“Oh Aaron…” you whispered, pulling him into another tight hug as Louise came out of her room, her eyes widening slightly at the sight in front of her. 

She silently gave you a faint smile, not interrupting as she left, her own date taking precedence over all of this. 

Your fingers laced through his hair as he let a soft sob out, tears now freely streaming down his face. All you could do was stand there, being someone that could comfort him. 

“Why don’t you come sit down?” You offered, hesitantly pulling back in case he wasn’t ready to move. 

He nodded faintly, you just now able to take in the disheveled look of him. His pajamas were wrinkled and his shirt was inside out as if he had pulled it on in a hurry to get over to you. 

And maybe he had. You didn’t mind. “I’m gonna make you some tea, okay?” You offered quietly as he sat on the couch, your hand still on his arm as you spoke. 

“You don’t have to-“

“I know exactly what you’re going through. I’m making you a damn tea.” You said more firmly, no room for argument as you turned to the kitchen. 

The fact he came here over any of his friends made little sense to you but if it made him feel better the least you could do was help him. 

In five minutes you’d made two cups of tea and brought them out. “I made a green and a chamomile. I don’t know which you want so you can choose.” You offered as you sat next to him, both mugs placed on coasters. 

Aaron grabbed the chamomile, immediately sipping it. “Thank you.” His voice stuffy from the crying he’d done, a weight pulling at your chest. 

“Of course.” You gave him a reassuring smile, knowing there wasn’t really much else you could do for him. 

He was silent and you followed suit, letting him manage how he wanted this all to go. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod. 

“You said you know what I’m going through,” he started, seeing you nod, “but Jared said you go up to your parents house in Rhode Island for vacation?” 

You sipped the other tea, “Yeah, they’re uh, my adoptive parents. They adopted me when I was 15.” You clarified, Aaron nodding faintly in response. 

“Oh.” He paused, “Sorry if that was-“

“Don’t you dare apologize right now, really,” your voice gentle. “I get it.” He faintly shifted, putting the mug back down as he looked at you. 

“Sorry, I mean- okay..” he stuttered slightly, a chuckle coming from you. 

“You should stay.” You suddenly said, the thought coming to your mind and immediately being said, no filter between the instances. 

Aaron looked over quickly, “I couldn’t ask you to do that.” He sighed out, his eyes red around the brim, your heart aching at the sight.

“You didn’t ask. I offered. And I mean it. Stay. Plus I’m pretty sure Louise and Jared are going to go back to your place so really, you’re better off here anyway.” The small smile you gave him was all it took for him to agree, glancing around at the couch.

It wasn’t that outlandish of an offer, your parents had raised you to be caring and empathetic, meaning you instantly turned down the fact he thought you’d make him sleep out on the couch. “You can take my bed, I probably won’t sleep anyway. Studying and all that.” You shrugged as if the offer came as second nature.

Not that that was that far off of a statement.

“I’m not taking your bed.” Aaron muttered, you looking up at him. It felt like you were suffocating, the way your eyes met and all the feelings, emotions tight between you two.

“Fine. We’ll share then.” Knowing you weren’t kicking him out at all. Not when your instinct right now was to pull him into a tight hug and hold him there forever. Not when you wanted to card your fingers through his hair and whisper that things would be okay.

That it would hurt for a while but eventually you’d feel better. All the things you wanted to do to help the man next to you, took precedence over everything in that moment. And that was scary. But you ignored the fear and took his hand in yours.

Aaron smiled weakly, locking his fingers into yours as you stood, “Come on.” You spoke so softly, like some sort of angel singing down to him. He’d follow anything you said to him then. Anything at all. Which was a bit terrifying but you simply led him to your room, motioning to the bed.

“Get comfortable, I’m gonna put some pajamas on.” You gave him a light smile before grabbing said clothes and heading into the bathroom to change and coming out not even ten minutes later to Aaron still sitting at the end of your bed.

You slightly raised your eyebrows, looking at him, “I couldn’t lay down. Don’t make fun of me.” He said quietly, you taking the spot just to his right, one leg tucked up under you as you reached your hand out.

“Can you now?” You asked softly.

“Yes.” Aaron looked over you, in shock still that you were this open to him, that you had offered not only your apartment but your bed to him. 

You nodded faintly, shifting to the top of the bed, pushing the blanket down and officially inviting him to the comfort of your mattress. It smelled like you, the entire room did. Strawberries and vanilla, the scent you’ve favored since middle school lingered on every surface and Aaron loved it.

He laid next to you, keeping space, still not knowing exactly what was allowed and what wasn’t. Was this a sign you guys were in the clear? Was it just a formality? He had no idea, so for the first time he let you lead things.

As if you could tell that was what he was waiting for, you rolled to face him, thinking over your next actions. Without much extra thought, you grabbed his hand, pulling his arm up and around your shoulder to keep him closer, your other arm slinking over his waist.

“Is this okay?” You asked quietly, Aaron nodding almost instantly, “Cause if you want to lay differently…” You trailed off as he looked down at you, only shifting to lean his forehead against the top of your head.

“This, is perfect.” He let out a sigh, his mind racing. Everything from the news of his father’s death to the way you’d finally let him in. It was a double edged sword that this is what it took. That the loss was what got him here.

The next morning was completely different to the last time you’d woken next to him. Last time you took off before the sun even cleared the sky, this time, you shifted slightly to look up at the man next to you. 

The window in your room let a decent amount of sunlight in, the curtain covering it parting in just a way that a streak of sunlight hit right over his face. 

He was gorgeous. If that was even a word you’d like to use for him. Regardless it’s exactly what you thought of him. Aaron Hotchner was beautiful and you were tired of acting like he wasn’t. 

As if he could feel your stare, he stirred, stretching his legs as he blinked himself awake. There was still a layer of sleep in his eyes as he glanced down at you, no attempt to look away being made by you. 

“Morning…” you said softly, twisting a small bit of his shirt between your thumb and index finger. 

“Morning,” his voice even more attractive as he woke up, immediately making your face heat up at the thoughts that darted across your mind. 

You lifted onto your elbow, looking down at him, “How’d you sleep?” You asked softly, moving your hand off of him as you did. 

Aaron hummed, letting out a breath, “Better than I expected.” He said, grabbing your hand in his, wanting some form of physical connection between the two of you. 

“Good, that’s good.” You said quietly, eyes trailing down your arm to where your hands were connected. “We should probably get up?”

“I’m not ready to.” Aaron said so freely, the fact he didn’t even try to hide how he was feeling made you almost giddy. 

A smile came to your face, one you didn’t bother smothering. “That’s okay, right here is good too.” You replied, pulling your lip between your teeth sheepishly. 

Being near him made your brain go haywire and you hated it so damn much. 

But you were okay with getting used to it. 

“Aaron?” You asked softly, still leaning up, over him slightly. He practically read your mind, using the clasped hands to pull you down, lifting his chin to catch your lips on his.

You couldn’t even be surprised, the look on his face before gave his intentions away as you let him pull you close, his other hand cupping the side of your face. 

His finger slid into your hair, holding you closer than you ever had before. 

Maybe it wasn’t the right time to do this. But he would rather be kissing you than thinking about his home life, so he acted on it. 

Moving his lips with yours until you wanted to stop. Which you didn’t. So he shifted up, rolling the two of you over so he was hovering over you, pulling away slightly. 

You blinked a couple times, letting out a slightly shaky breath, “is this really a good time to do all of… this?” You asked, wanting to do nothing less than all of it. 

“The perfect time actually,” he murmured before kissing you again, deeper than before.

JOIN HOTCH'S TAGLIST HERE!

TAGS: nobody yet technically but these people whoop whooped so.. @pastelpinkflowerlife @p0pscenealright and @thestarrynightslover for saying they'd read it... thank you for your service

[deerlino]

Hello I'd like to make a request hehehehehehe

I've been desperately trying to read anything about readers with ADHD, so can you do something about a girl hating herself bc of ADHD and the fact that she can't have kids (this is self indulgent 😅) and Felix just holds her and says he ain't going anywhere and reveal he was going to propose soon anyway so he just goes for it? Thank you!

MENDED BY LOVE ( LFX. )

Lee Felix | Fem!Reader

Sypnosis: You’re sitting on the couch, feeling overwhelmed, when Felix comes over with snacks, sensing something’s up. Through tears, you open up about your struggles with ADHD and the heartache of not being able to have children. Felix listens with love and empathy, comforting you. Then, to your surprise, he pops the question. (713 words)

Content: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Supportive Felix 🥺, Marriage Proposal, Love Confessions, Happy Ending, ADHD Representation (Reader), Pet Name

Warnings: Emotional Distress (reader experiencing negative thoughts and crying), Mental health struggles (ADHD mentioned, feelings of self-hate and inadequacy), Infertility (reader grappling with the inability to have children)

Author’s notes: Writing this even got me emotional, it's just so cute. @minluvly, consider this a love letter from me to you because you deserve all the love in the world, and I'm sending it your way! 🩶 Hope you enjoy this fic (and apologies if I missed the mark on ADHD—I'm definitely not an expert, so forgive any stereotypes!).

You’re sitting on the couch, legs pulled up to your chest, staring blankly at the TV that’s playing some show you can’t even begin to focus on. Your mind is a whirlwind of thoughts, all negative, and you can’t seem to catch a break. Felix is in the kitchen, probably making some midnight snacks. He always knows when you need them.

The ADHD makes everything harder. You hate it—how it makes you forget things, how it makes you feel scattered and unreliable. And then there’s the fact that you can’t have kids. It’s like this dark cloud that follows you around, reminding you of what you can’t give, of what you lack.

The tears come without warning, hot and heavy. You bury your face in your knees, hoping to stifle the sobs, but Felix hears. He always does.

He’s by your side in an instant, dropping down on his knees beside you. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong, love?” His voice is soft, filled with concern. You shake your head, unable to put it into words. How do you even begin to explain the storm inside your head?

Felix doesn’t push. He never does. Instead, he scoots closer, wrapping his arms around you. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “You’re okay.” He strokes your hair, his touch gentle and comforting. You let yourself lean into him, feeling his warmth, his steadiness.

“I just... I hate myself sometimes,” you manage to choke out. “The ADHD, and... and the fact that I can’t have kids. It’s all just... too much.”

Felix pulls back a bit, just enough to look you in the eyes. His brow furrows with worry, but there’s so much love in his gaze. “Don’t say that,” he murmurs. “You’re amazing, you know that? And ADHD? It’s just a part of you. It doesn’t define you.”

“But it feels like it does,” you whisper, tears streaming down your face. “And not having kids... it’s like I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken,” Felix says firmly. “You’re perfect just the way you are. And I’m not going anywhere, okay? I’m here. Always.”

His words are a balm to your aching heart. You sniffle, trying to smile through the tears. “You say that now, but what if you change your mind?”

Felix’s expression softens even more, if that’s even possible. He reaches into his pocket, and your breath catches when you see what he’s holding. It’s a small, velvet box. 

“I wasn’t going to do this like... this,” he says with a chuckle, a bit of nervousness in his voice. “I had this whole plan, but... maybe this is the right moment after all.” He opens the box, revealing a simple, yet stunning ring.

Your heart stops. “Felix...”

“I was going to propose soon anyway,” he says, eyes never leaving yours. “But I think now is as good a time as any. I love you, with all my heart, ADHD and everything. And the kid thing... we’ll figure it out. There are other ways to have a family if that’s what we want. But right now, all I want is you. Forever. Will you marry me?”

The tears start up again, but this time they’re happy ones. You nod, unable to speak, and throw your arms around him. “Yes,” you finally manage to whisper against his neck. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Felix slips the ring onto your finger, and it fits perfectly. He pulls you close, holding you like he never wants to let go. “I love you,” he murmurs into your hair. “So much.”

“I love you too,” you reply, feeling a warmth spread through your chest, pushing away the darkness. 

You stay like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other, hearts beating in sync. The world outside fades away, and all that matters is this moment, this love that you share. Felix’s love is like a shield, protecting you from the harshness of your own thoughts. With him by your side, you feel like you can face anything.

It’s not a perfect fairy tale. There will be hard days, days when the ADHD feels like too much, when the reality of not having kids stings a little more. But with Felix, you know you’ll get through it. Together, you can handle anything.

And that’s more than enough.

© deerlino (est. 160624) ༯ heyo, did you enjoy this piece? if you did, maybe you could reblog, drop a comment, or shoot me an ask to let me know your thoughts. also, feel free to check out my other stuff! thanks a bunch for the support! <3

[the5thcellar]

I actually think Luke is serious about A. That age gap is typically what men marry these days. I think he's crazy about her and was taking it slow after a long term break up before going official. That shows intention, planning, and wanting her. I wouldn't be surprised the official IG couple post is coming soon.

I'm just upset that they took it this far with promo. Tom and Z were meeting each other's family outside of work early on, so to say you are officially brining him to meet the fame was a bit much. Closing your eyes when she touches your face? Grade A acting. I hate that it makes me believe he was never attracted to an amazing woman like Nicola. I feel dumb for falling for it all. I hope Nicola finds a handsome guy who will love her proudly.

that's a really interesting take tbh! ive actually never considered he was serious about her in the sense of marrying - but of course this is purely based off the vibes I get and is entirely my own view.

one of the reasons i say this is because luke doesn't seem too inclined to keep a completely friendly distance between himself and nic - i heard that the QC leads india and corey were shipped really hard by fans as well and he had a gf during the whole press run - and towards the end india and corey started posing separately on carpets (i.e. no touching, no friendly hand around shoulder even during photos etc) because they wanted to emphasise that they were really just friends.

luke in contrast seems to have no qualms about blurring lines - and one of the reasons the more rabid fans kept insulting Antonia was a direct result of the fact that he kept stating his "single" status to press. I think he could have helped Antonia avoid a lot of the flak she drew by just stating that he's seeing someone. but maybe he felt it would draw even more attention to his private life and her? idk. i don't want to puzzle over his motivations because I don't believe they are too complex - I've said this many times before and I'll keep saying it - no matter how good a man seems (and I do believe Luke is very good and sweet), trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment.

more importantly: please don't feel dumb for falling for the hope that nic and luke could be together! i really don't think they were being deliberately disingenuous - i actually think the opposite - i think they themselves are often confused about what they really are and it's just easier to define it as being great friends. it's strange but i get the feeling that they see each other as a source of potential - it's simultaneously impossible and also the easiest thing in the world for them to envision a reality where they're together - there just seems to be many barriers to it happening for real. they're comfortable living in the liminal space between great friendship and great romantic love - it definitely explains why nic said she doesn't have a relationship in her life that's anything close to what she has with luke. I think there just needs to be a decisive push for them to ever move out of this grey area. it'll have to be something massive for it to ever happen... and it's not something I hold out hope for (again, just to avoid disappointment!)

this got really long; I wish nic and luke all the best and I think they have something very special with each other. I think life has many many stops along the way and I don't think luke has found a final stop in his romantic journey with antonia - they are both very young and they don't have the vibe of "together forever" couples - if they did (since luke is such a big believer in love at first sight) - he'd have laid down a commitment a lot sooner.

again I want to emphasise that this is all MY POV - it's the vibe I get. I'm WELL AWARE I don't know these people irl. There's always criticism of how parasocial fandom and stan behaviour are but I think most fans - myself included - are very conscious of the fact that the way we perceive and interact with celebs is completely one sided. I'm also not a psychic or clairvoyant or anything of the sort. i just strangely feel a lot of things all the time and ive never been chill a day in my life 😂

sending you lots of good feelings and healing - I feel your hurt and unease and disappointment because I feel the same, but it gets easier to accept with each day that passes.

[diejager]

I HAVE A (kinda) stepdad!König+DBF!Horangi

so it was a while ago but I reealllyyyy liked the one u did where reader’s sort of hooking up w/ soap and ghost on the side?? If u remember that

I was wondering if you could do a story where they’re sort of just hooking up occasionally (as often as reader can get away) but clearly both the boy like them and want to further it but she’s worried about König and Horangi finding out.

pretty much they notice her exhibiting really weird behaviors in and out of bed towards them?? She’ll freak out if they approach her a specific way (not knowing König and Horangi take advantage of her that way) or sort of doesn’t rly care about her own pleasure cuz she’s sacrificing it for theirs…just sort of stuff that makes Soap and Ghost go “uhhh 🧍🧍‍♂️that’s kinda weird innit” (they’re presenting traits of being groomed/manipulated/raped/etc)

anyways somehow Soap and Ghost find out ab what’s going on at home and….yeah they’re not happy 😬😬

Thank you for your consideration!!!

— 🌘 !

Cw: DARKFIC, STEPCEST, DUB-CON/NON-CON, implied smut, abuse, implied kidnapping, possessive behaviour, implied one night stand, implied crush, kinda poly, tell if I missed any.

They weren’t saints. If anything, they were the farthest thing possible from good-natured men, with kind hearts and sound morals. Ghost and Soap were sick men, soaked in bloodshed and tragedy, gunpowder and tears, they weren’t good men, they were simply men doing another’s dirty work to keep the world safer. They’d seen their fair share of filth on this earth, the most depraved and savage monsters that found pleasure in plundering and killing, covert crimes done under the nose of most civilians, and hushed exchanges for prizes. They, themselves, have committed unforgettable and unforgivable acts, torture, murders, arson, and so, so much regrettable things that would forever scar their victims.

But this- your situation was gut-wrenching, in a way that twisted their guts and made their throats tight, deathly silent in the brewing rage. From Simon, who had an abusive up-bringing and torturous life, morals and ethics twisted beyond normalcy and comprehension; to Johnny, who’s busybody life turned darker and darker with every life he’s taken, bodies piling over bodies, a permanent reminder that he wasn’t the same bright-eyed and goodwilling saint he was when he first enlisted. 

They were mad: Simon enraptured in wrath, burning hotter than hell’s fire, whose rage rivaled one of God; and Johnny bubbled with rage, running through his veins like rivers of magma, scorching everything on his path to ash and rock. They were enraged to see the way you were used and forced into a new purpose by older men —much, much older men that they knew. Whereas Simon seethed silently, Johnny screeched loudly, words stumbling in a crazed frenzy.

It just- it simply wasn’t a good-natured frenzy. Ghost and Soap were not good men. It stemmed from jealousy and emotional possession. The many dates that you’d suddenly canceled, calling in a rain check that they had listened, were because you’d been fucked numb, legs too weak to walk or support you, tied to your bed or filled with another man’s cum. How rarely they met you outside of simple bar nights with your girlfriends before you’d hookup with them for the night until you had to leave. Or your reoccurring bruises, hidden under the clear lie of being clumsy, a white lie, truly, but a lie nonetheless and they hated liars. 

And the worse thing, the one that hits the most, was that you were being fucked, and abused, and taken advantage of by men they constantly butted heads with. Once enemies, always enemies. They didn’t forgive or forget in their business, and their rivalry would continue until one or the other had died. Ghost would plan, scheme your taking and Soap would take care of you, a man much softer than his rough hide. Soap would gently introduce you into your new life, and if it does work, then Ghost would have to step in, eyes dark and heart frozen over. 

You’d eventually like living with them. At least you liked them.

Taglist: @sae1kie @yeoldedumbslut @bvxygriimes @distracteddragoness @konigsblog @daisychainsinknots @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @danielle143 @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @notspiders @brokenpieces-72 @petwifed @randominstake @haven-1307 @shironasumi @lucienbarkbark @sparky--bunny @bloobewy @223princess @maylovesyousomuch @cod-z @sweetnanah @aldis-nuts @evolutionarry @kaoyamamegami

[moongothic]

(Frankenstein'd two asks together for the sake of previty)

I've been pretty torn between answering this ask and just doing a deep dive re-analysis post about Marineford as a whole (from Crocodile's perspective) because I feel like rereading it now as a Crocodad Truther, I could probably make a whole lot of new observations and/or read into things differently than I did last time I read it (when I was rereading for the purpose of studying the viability of Crocodad) Like there's so much to say about the whole arc and I'd include this line of thought in there anyways... But also, do I really feel like writing a giant essay like that........

I am going to start this by refering to this mini-essay I wrote like a month ago, about how Crocodile seems to have this attitude of "no crying over spilt milk". What's happened has happened, what's done is done, it's your own fault things turned out the way they did, there's no undoing any of it and you just have to continue on. And I do think that attitude would be key here to understanding Crocodile's actions in Marineford re:Crocodad

(Sidenote because this is not relevant to the rest of the post, but the reason this is about Crocodad and not CrocoUncle etc is because if Crocodile was only loosely related to Luffy it would not have the same kind of impact emotionally (for Crocodile; like there is a difference between a nephew and a son). Additionally a part of Crocodad is that it ties into Crocodile's connection with Ivankov in a really important way. If Crocodile was only loosely related to Luffy, him also being trans would kind of be like a random sidenote without being relevant to the two being family, but suddenly if Crocodile is Luffy's other biological parent, him being trans matters a lot more. Also if he's not Luffy's other dad then we'd be still stuck asking who the fuck birthed Luffy to begin with)

While Sengoku's announcement here would make for a horrific revelation to Crocodile in this situation (a revelation we never see his immidiate reaction to, which continues to be deeply sus), what would it change, really?

The little idiot child who Crocodile had attempted to murder multiple times was his own son. Sure, he might've insantly lost whatever grudge he might've held against Luffy, then what? That feeling would be one-sided, because at this point in the story Luffy hated Crocodile's guts and he knew that too. Luffy has no idea about them being related, and even if Crocodile literally walked up the kid right that second and told him the truth, what would it change? He'd still be the man who nearly nuked a million people off the face of the earth, took over a country and killed Luffy and his friends while laughing about it. Being Luffy's other dad wouldn't make him any less of a horrible asshole (if anything it might make it slightly worse 'cause you get to add shit like "child abandonment" onto his list of crimes).

Luffy came to Marineford to save Ace. Crocodile came to Marineford to kill Whitebeard. He had no reason to interfere with Luffy's quest, and with the help Luffy already was recieving from the prison escapees, the Newkama and the Whitebeard Pirates, what would Crocodile's assistance add to the mix? Would Luffy even welcome him in helping save his brother?

Luffy had his own life, a life Crocodile had not been a part of. He had no right to try to insert himself into it at this point, after all he had done to Luffy. There's no crying over spilled milk. What's done is done, you just have to move on. He should just focus on what he came to do; get his revenge and take Whitebeard's head, as planned.

Deep breaths

...Only to realize that Whitebeard is a dying old man and not worth even killing anymore, because he's not the same Primebeard whom once beat Crocodile and crushed all his dreams. Defeating Whitebeard would not give him the catharsis he came for.

And at that point, the fuck was Crocodile going to do? The revenge he wants isn't there anymore 'cause it went bad a few decades ago. And between the raging war and Doflamingo on his ass it's not like he could just sneak out without anybody noticing. He doesn't have allies (aside from Daz under him) to worry about. He only has his hatred to the World Government.

At that point, he might as well be a nuisance to the Government and assist Luffy. Even if the help wasn't welcomed, even if Luffy hated him and regardless if he knew the truth or not, helping Luffy right then and there would still be better than letting the Government have their way and kill his son right in front of him

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog: Wakfu Season 1 (episode 20, The Tree of Life)

I like to think he was looking for any sign of Armand being a sussy baka, or, alternatively, Armand being actually worried about the things he's been told.

Sadly, Joris finds neither.

I like to think that Joris and Amalia&Eva have a good pre-established relationship for the following reason: it's shown to be good enough for him to get onto the balcony and for them to be immediately happy about it, instead of going "what the hell are you doing here?" or "were you spying on us? (he was. even if it is for the good of the world.)"

Maybe that's another reason Armand hates him — besides Joris insisting on the instructions that were given to him and not bowing down to Armand's ~power~ — Joris may be a yet another person who likes his sister more.

Btw Joris is doing batshit insane tower climbing again, just like in the Ush comic.

Never change, king.

Get ready for my deep, deep, insightful commentary into what the fact that Joris believes that no issue is insolvable implies within the context of his "has seen countless human deaths" life:

I think I hauve covid.

Do you think one of the solutions that he has for issues is to wait it out and watch, as the walls of the prison that are "circumstances of life", start to decay?

Translation from politespeak: "I am going to cause a political incident with your cringe brother to help you tell your father about Nox's plans."

I love how ready he is to beat people up. And to cause a political incident.

Joris after getting down from the balcony railing, now suddenly very much below everyone in the room, in a matter of fact voice: After I slam the tree stump on the floor to create a loud sound, — and probably damage said floor, sorry, — you are going to scream that the iop returned. I will keep hitting random things until they run in. When the guards do run in, I beat them to unconsciousness with my magic wand. You can also hit them if you want, — yes, yes, you can use the candelabra, or any other metal object in the room, — but do not hit them on the head without me! It's very easy to accidentally kill a person, when you're not used to beating them to unconscious on a relatively regular basis.

Bugs when you lift a rock.

God knows, Joris is extremely aware of how bad the thing he just did is, and how much trouble he'll be in afterwards. God also knows that Joris probably doesn't give a shit.

The little slam... The commanding voice... He's everything.

When Joris is this polite, he is either angry as fuck and can't do anything about it, or angry as fuck and about to beat you to death.

This little "I insist" is so uncalled-for. He's just mocking them at this point, considering what he is about to do.

Something I really noticed this time around, is that Joris really likes kicking things. He kicked Pinpin, he kicked these guys... This is a trait he gets from Kerubim, sure, but he takes kickmaxxing to another level by, very cockily, doing half this battle with his hands behind his back on a simple whim.

He is the same exact type of an insane, prideful asshole as Kerubim. It maddens me when people think he's actually humble and normal just because of his introversion and more low-key facade.

He may not scream "I'm smarter and better and stronger than every loser in this room" outwardly like his father, but exudes the same exact noxious aura nonetheless.

You know why I also think Joris thinks of Amalia and Eva well?

He put this little show on, — fighting two simple guards with pirouettes, hands behind his back, and a little touch of magic, — just for them. We know what he actually fights like when he means it. And it has none of this insanity.

You see, he points out his ability to fight off an army of simple, normal people, all alone. And on one hand it's just reassuring Eva and Amalia that they have nothing to fear...

...and on the other hand, it makes me think he likes it when random teenagers think he's cool and awesome.

Even though this blog is crepinjurgen-focused, I want to say that this is one of my favorite wakfu episodes. This scene always makes me tear up.

Anyway do you think Joris just carries with him ropes to tie enemies with whenever he goes — or did he take a rope from somewhere within the castle? How often does this happen? Does he do this as a torture method too? Does he—- [I am removed by the secret police by being way too insane today]

Still using vous, despite hating his ass.

[guy who made a blog that's 33% dedicated to talking about doomed siblings] Yeah it's so sad that even Tot doesn't understand Clephee's potential, and how insane her relationship with Eva is. Imagine loving your sibling, but they never feel good enough, and they keep leaving you. They turn everything into competition, never celebrate your wins because they feel like their losses. Imagine speaking so little — being so distant, that when you have a happy dream of that sibling, it's them as a child, way back before. And imagine that this sibling wants to turn you into a fur coat— [I am electrocuted]FHDSJHDFJKsdhfsdhfERR-

There are so many people unconscious and Joris is actually freaking the fuck out, which makes me think that, for the past 10-20 minutes in-universe, he and Armand have been doing the Joris whack-a-mole thing.

Like, Joris is actually alarmed/bewildered by the fact that Armand will literally not listen to a single fucking word and just keeps mindlessly punching the floor.

Is he insane? Is he for real?

At this point, he's worried for the guy's health. This has been happening for a while. He sounds scared.

Like Armand keeps hurting himself in his attempts to beat Joris up and it's scaring Joris shitless because it's actually starting to get a little bit weird and off-putting.

Yet he turns around so nonchalantly.

[backsideattackkkk]

john ladue's journal entry from 7/24/13 (first journal entry). translating as much phrases as I can:

"how shameful I was. it wasn't even shameful goddamn it, it was FUCKING PATHETIC!! how I used to live on this hellhole. that was before I realized the truth. life has no meaning. it's this game we play. the only thing that separates me from them is that I know that. I don't care who you are, if you disagree with me on that then you are a damn fool. nobody exists to do anything. I wish life were never created. I wish me and everything was fucking dead. all we do is cause problems, and even if there were problems without life nobody would care about them. death is the best way to go. everyone sees death as scary. i see it as bliss. a place where no one worries, no one is sad, no fucking problems...death is nothing. just something about it makes me want to kill myself now. but not yet, I must do something before I go. I have been planning it for a while and I have started buying items for it, i'm gonna kill and kill and kill. not for fame. I don't give a shit if I get in the news or not. I am doing it out of HATE. hate for all the fucking assholes everywhere. fucking living monstrosities are what they are. I shudder to think that I am the same species of them. but I am a step higher than them. I know I am gonna die when I do this, but I [illegible] that. I will not give up to the SWAT or cops. they will kill me or I will kill myself. it will be the best day of my life. my plan is to kill my family, generate a huge fire in a field for distraction, drive [illegible], put [illegible] shit top of bombs in the cafeteria during lunch, and then go to the library. if I am still alive when I am done with the [illegible], I will go back to the cafeteria and finish off [everyone? surveillance? overall: illegible]. I'm gonna get a job to buy a 12 gauge and a rifle/handgun from one of my friends(?). I'm gonna [illegible] off the gauge and [illegible] back. if I get a rifle I DO NOT want something like an AR-15 or WASR-10. I wanna show that you.."

note: ladue made the mention in his interrogation that he did not want to use any semi-automatic guns to show that you could "still get the job done" (referring to his attack) without them.

entry from his journal without known date, translation:

"if I would want to live in it. because, honestly, I just want to GTFO of this place. I guess I just don't care for being alive. and my situation isn't too bad. I have a good school, a good town, I don't think I have ever been actually bullied even though I said I was in that one entry, yet I really wasn't, and I don't have abusive parents. yet, my motives are for fun, because you guys are fucking annoying, and because my idol, reb did this. seriously that guy was so fucking awesome. sucks ass that he's dead. oh by the way, my school was not on alert at all. it was talked for about 5 mins and that was the end of it. no extra cops or anything. which makes me glad. so, my to do list consists new of - *steal shotgun + saw off + add pump & grip and new pump. *buy 2 pcs and make the devices with them. *if needed, buy some more nails for shrapnel *buy pipe, same size as the others with end caps *buy lantern fuel, also sight in SKS sight *get storage locker *kill everybody. <- not a skrillex(?) reference (i'm not writing the last part out. he quotes harris from hitmen from hire. why? i don't know.)"

notes:

ladue said he had an 180 page notebook, in his bedroom, detailing his plans for explosives, firearms and ammunition. he journaled his thoughts, to-do lists, supply lists, successes and failures with experimentation with different explosives and learned through trial and error. he listed what changes to make to the bombs, he had labels regarding the school's security and sprinkle system at the school. his first journal entry was in july 24, 2013 and his last one at april 27, 2014.

taken from court file:

in his journal, he made references to other school shootings, such as columbine, virginia tech, and sandy hook. ladue idolized harris and made several references to both harris and klebold, the perpetrators involved in the columbine school shooting. he critiqued what harris and klebold did right and wrong during the columbine school shooting. over the nine month time span in the journal, ladue never changed his plan of first killing his family members, starting a fire in rural waseca county to lure away and occupy first responders, detonating bombs, near the cafeteria during second lunch hour, to injure/kill students that would lure school liaison officer chrz, kill chrz, then kill as many students as he could. ladue did make changes to his plans as to the exact components and chemicals to use to manufacture the explosive devices he planned to use...

a grand majority of his journal is about the bombs, taken from court file:

excerpts from journal according to the free press:

"I don't care if you are my best friend or my family. I'm not gonna hesitate to pull the trigger on your dumbass. Well, I might taunt you a bit before I shoot you but I'm definitely not letting you off the hook" "I just fucking hate everyone." - he wrote frequently "A.B.K." - in his journal, which stands for "always be killing."

around august of 2014 ladue's journal itself was sealed after a 10 minute hearing and has not yet been unsealed. the full 180 pages will probably never be released to the public.

[aziraphales-library]

Hiii! First of all I wanted to thank you all for the amazing work that you do. Your suggestions are always on point. Now, for the question, I was wondering if you know any fics that are similar to secondhand smoke. Maybe about Catholic guilt and/or coming out? Thank you :))

Hello! We have a #religious guilt tag you might be interest in. Here are some religious conflict/coming out fics...

Cappucchino Readings - A "Good Omens" Univeristy AU by Jelly_Jenkins (T)

When Aziraphale took the job at the campus library, he didn't think anything of it. Of course he was excited to make some extra money and such, but he never expected to get out so much more.

The Day You Eat of It by K1ngB (E)

It all started as it will end... at a summer camp (with strangely religious undertones). In Aziraphale's mind, the best part of summer was those two weeks spent with the children. Just as eager to absorb new information and experiences as he was to teach the next generation same as he was at this same camp nearly ten years ago. A lot has changed since then, namely the amount of blatant proselytizing but some things always stay the same. In Crowley's mind, he gets to see the apple of his eye for two weeks every year, and he'll be damned if he doesn't make the most of it. He sustains himself on the discreet glances, the creeping blushes, and the inevitable banter of his favorite camp counselor. He is prepared for the long game and was nailing it if he was being honest... And then he got caught wanking in the showers and it's all downhill from there. or Summer Camp Counselor AU. Crowley is a sappy pining fool and Aziraphale has no idea what's going on.

search terms by Vagabond (M)

Aziraphale expects it to be a quiet night working in the university library when a flashy red haired, foul mouthed, panicking student needs to find credible sources for his paper and can't figure out how to use the search. Little does Aziraphale know that meeting Crowley will lead him on a path to self-discovery, and give him the family he didn't realize he needed. From a prompt on tumblr: College AU - You’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline.

Opposites Attract by Pal456 (M)

The Eastgate family hated the Crowley family. Hated them so much, that their children were not to spend any time together. That never stopped Aziraphale and Crowley being drawn to one another time and time again even though their families would pull them apart. As years go by, Aziraphale tries to do right by his parents in order to take over the family business one day, but it seems like the Almighty might have a different, ineffable, plan that brings the two together every chance they get.

Out of Suffering Into Love by Slow_Burn_Sally (E)

Aziraphale is a sexually repressed man who grew up in a religious household. Crowley is an artist with a sordid past. Both of them are afraid to love and be loved.

One and the Same Fall by ElliottRook (E)

Aziraphale Fell is a UK student attending an American Catholic school on exchange, an escape from a strict, conservative family. Anthony Crowley is a juvenile delinquent on his last chance, sent to live with his uncle and attend a school that promises to shape him up. When they cross paths at St. Bernadette's, they nearly instantly become friends, and nobody likes it--not the teachers, not the old-money students, not Aziraphale's family--but it's the best thing that's ever happened to either of them. Hanging over their heads, though, is Crowley's plan to flee the moment he comes of age, and what will happen after they're no longer trapped in the same gilded cage.

And the one you mentioned...

secondhand smoke by PaintedVanilla (T)

you're second hand smoke, second hand smoke i breathe you in, but, honey, i don't know what you're doing to me mon chéri the year is 1990, and anthony crowley is looking for a church in london that might be tolerable. the one he winds up attending isn't exactly such, but he decides to stick around for one reason. said reason happens to own a bookshop that crowley begins to frequent, much to the surprise and delight of anathema device and newton pulsifer, who seem quite convinced that crowley could use something else to focus on besides gardening, their campaigns, and visits to tadfield.

- Mod D

[canellescandles]

☆Baby,the stars shine bright☆ pt5

pt1,pt2,pt3,pt4

inspired by the 'kamikaze girls',♡ always had unconditional love for lolita fashion and nothing else but when she met ellie,an auburn haired girl whos part of a gang with a dad's fashion sense ,her love for clothes begins to compete with her growing feelings for ellie

strangers to friends to lovers,love-hate friendship,opposite aesthetics,early 2000s

wlw,extra fluff in this chapter

wc:8k

The sun was setting as Ellie was driving you to her house.

Beforehand, you had time to stop by a shop. Every time you got money, you couldn’t help but use it right away, so you and Ellie bought bracelets.

They weren’t just any kind of bracelets.

You and Ellie bought bracelets shaped like the moon on the day of your birthday.

It turned out your moons completed each other when you put your wrists next to each other!

Ellie's lips turned into a loving smile, as bright as the moonlight. "I really wonder what this means," Ellie said, playing dumb. She wondered if you thought about the same thing.

You quickly bought the bracelets. "You watch too many movies," you replied, leaving things ambiguous even though you did think it was a sign.

Ellie's waning crescent moon and your waning gibbous moon formed one full moon.

Maybe it was the fact that you and Ellie were so different that made you and her get along.

"I knew you'd say that." The poor girl wished you fell for her as fast as she fell for you.

Ellie was driving less fast and less dangerously since you were already hurt.

You told her you were fine, but she didn't believe you. She wanted to get your face cleaned up since your forehead was bleeding a bit after falling on the ground.

You wrapped your arms around her waist like she showed you before and laid your head on her shoulder. The woody and earthy scent with a subtle sweetness didn't leave her body. At first, you didn't bother being close to her, but now, you started to like this.

Sure, here's a corrected version:

The road to her home was long.

Ellie felt excited to bring you over to her house. She didn't want to leave you like last time. She usually hated 'goodbyes,' but with you, she started to despise them. Spending more time with you made her happy, and she thought it wasn't too soon to introduce you to Joel.

It had been a while since she last had someone over. She never dared to invite any of her gang members, even though they were her friends. If they ever turned their backs on her and did something to Joel, she would never forgive herself.

However, you earned Ellie's respect since the day you got your revenge on the thief.

You never dared to unfairly blame her for anything, and that was enough for you to gain her trust.

Remarkable and so beautiful, you were also starting to gain her love.

It felt as if the sun was following you as Ellie drove into a small village, lost in the middle of nowhere, isolated from the big buildings.

Ellie was focused on the road, trying to ignore her heart speeding up when she noticed your bodies touching.

She was already planning excuses in her head for you to sleep over.

You took this opportunity to slip the money you wanted to give her into her pocket.

"Do you often go to the casino?" you asked as the road grew bumpier, interrupting the silence.

"Like 2 or 3 times a month, depending on how much money I need."

You nodded as both of you entered the woods. It was a good thing that she wasn't gambling every day like your dad. She was intelligent and knew her limits.

"How much did you need today?"

"Not so much, I got enough to travel around the country to find someone," Ellie explained. She further mentioned that she had to meet Himeko, an old woman who was the founder of the gang she joined.

You were surprised to hear this name again because your mother had the same name.

If it wasn't for her, Ellie wouldn't be in her gang, which was like a shelter in a hostile place, a second home to her.

She owed it all to Himeko, as well as Dina: being able to fight, making justice right, and making good friends and memories along the way.

It was only when she'd go out driving with her gang members that she'd feel free and forget about everything. "Nobody ever found her, but rumors say she's still alive. I have to find a designer or something to sew my gang's name on the jacket's sleeve and then give it to her."

Ellie parked her motorcycle in front of a lovely wooden house in the middle of the woods.

Both of you arrived at your destination; this time you didn't feel nauseous.

"How do you even know if those rumors are true?" you asked as you got off her motorcycle. Though you had already given her part of what she needed for her trip, you felt like offering more. You wanted to offer her more.

Ellie took back her keys and glanced at you as a smirk formed on her lips. "I guess I'll find out." She didn't care if Himeko was dead or alive, but if the rumors were true, Ellie wanted to be the first person to find Himeko.

She then motioned for you to follow her. "Do you underestimate me or something?"

You walked beside her and climbed the two stairs leading to the porch. "Would you rather I overestimate you?"

"Still better than being underestimated," Ellie smirked at you before knocking on the wooden door. No matter what you say,ellie always had an answer for everything.

The door opened with a creaky sound, revealing a 5'10" man in his forties. He had black hair and hazel eyes and was wearing a simple green button-up shirt and blue denim jeans.

Joel didn't expect to see Ellie bring a girl home. He squinted his eyes at her curiously before telling both of you to come in.

You couldn't tell what the house's usual smell was like since the pizza's aroma was perfuming the whole place. Your stomach growled, and you made sure to keep your mouth shut to avoid drooling.

Ellie introduced you to Joel, who reached out his hand. You shook hands with him and smiled as he said it was nice to meet you.

"You're the one who sells clothes to her? She told me about you. How's your little business going?"

You recognized the same deep voice talking to Ellie on her phone. Joel looked at you curiously; he's always wondered where his money went when he'd give it to Ellie, especially since she spends most of her days outside.

"Ellie’s my only customer, but she's loyal, so it's doing good," you carefully chose your words, remembering you’re known for doing something you're not supposed to. But the fact that Ellie talked about you to a family member warmed your heart; it felt nice to be appreciated by her. "She does think my clothes are underpriced."

Joel glanced at Ellie and sighed like a tired father. It wasn't the first time he had talked about it with Ellie. "I know, she's really bad with the concept of money. I guess she wants to be nice." The way he scratched the back of his neck reminded you of how Ellie would act when nervous. The way they were so similar was so cute!

"Yeah, she got so upset I thought she was going to—" you were about to complain, but guess who cut you off by covering your mouth with her hand.

"Whoa, let's get you cleaned up before you pass out from blood loss," Ellie exaggerated before she took your hand.

Joel's eyes followed Ellie leading you to the bathroom. He smiled to himself; he definitely would not have let you in if it wasn't for the way Ellie was looking at you. It was enough to make his day, knowing someone was able to make her genuinely smile. He hadn't seen it in forever...

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Your cut on your forehead was barely visible and already starting to heal, but that wasn't an excuse for Ellie not to apply a band-aid after cleaning your wound with some alcohol.

Ellie made you sit on the cold edge of her bathtub. But with Ellie so close to you and her fingers touching your face, your body felt warm.

Ellie turned around to grab the band-aid package and started to open it. "sit still and don't move."

"I'm telling you, there's no need to do all that," you said, looking up at her walking in front of you with the band-aid in hand. She didn't listen to you anyway. It was her chance to take care of you, and she wasn't going to let it slip. "you know, you'd be like the kind of doctor that asks if they can remove unnecessary organs during surgery and then removes a whole kidney."

"you can survive with one," Ellie shrugged her shoulders.

"but there's no such thing as an unnecessary organ."

Ellie saw your point and nodded so you would stop making fun of her so she could start putting on the band-aid.

"alright, now shut up 'cause your forehead moves when you talk. I don't want to mess this up," Ellie ordered. She looked down at you, meeting your eyes—her biggest distraction. "close your eyes."

"I can't see if you're doing it right with my eyes closed," you said, instead of admitting you liked looking at her focused face. You were enjoying this as much as she was.

"I'm not going to draw a dick on your face, chill," Ellie's chuckle made you roll your eyes before you closed them. You made a mental note to sleep with at least one eye open if you stayed over.

Ellie removed the strips and carefully applied the band-aid on your small cut. Her fingers, usually clenched into fists to throw punches, touched your face as if it were made of porcelain.

Her lips curved into a smile when she saw no sign of pain and instead, your lips forming a smile as well. They were a bit chapped, and she wondered how many kisses it would take to make them soft again.

You were making it hard for her to be a lesbian. You were just sitting in front of her, looking pretty so effortlessly, listening to her, and letting her take care of you.

She wanted to punch herself and knock some sense into her for falling for you so easily and so fast. Her heart was so big,with so much room for love but it could hardly handle any rejection.

The only thing she could do was give love.

Give and hope that you would take it.

She didn't want to stop removing her fingers yet. She applied a bit of pressure on the band-aid to help it stick and finally removed them so as not to seem clingy.

You finally opened your eyes and stood up to look in the large mirror in front of you. You thanked Ellie, who smiled at you.

"if you know that much about medicine, I have to ask you something," Ellie said, maintaining eye contact. "are you a surgeon?"

You didn't know what was happening inside her mind, but her flirtiness was back. "obviously,why?" you said, playing along.

Ellie liked that you played along.Even though you were good at talking back when flirting, she hoped to see your demeanor change to a more shy and flustered attitude." She walked closer to you and swiftly took your hand, placing it on her chest while maintaining eye contact, hoping to capture your flustered face. "because I think you stole my heart."

She rolled her eyes when she caught you laughing instead. "I can feel something beating, though."

You were making her weak. "I meant because my heart skips a beat every time I see you," Ellie spoke quickly, struggling to keep her eyes on yours.

She noticed her little mistake and felt embarrassed. You thought it was cute the way she tried to keep flirting despite completely losing her composure.

You tilted your head. "did you practice saying this to me or something?" you asked with a curious tone, but you knew the answer anyway. You smiled at her, making her face feel hot. You counted, and it took three seconds for her whole face to turn red.

Once again, despite her efforts, she struggled to make you lose your composure while you effortlessly made her flustered. "alright, fuck, can I redo it?"

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The pizza was a little cold, so Ellie decided to heat it up in the oven. You were beside her in the kitchen when you were surprised by a little friend.

" 'sup, mars? you're hungry too?" Ellie crouched down to gently pat the white cat's head, who purred in response.

Her fur looked so soft. She was looking at Ellie with her beautiful eyes. Even though you and Ellie had opposite tastes, you could understand why she fell for this cute cat.

Noticing how you were standing still, admiring her beautiful pet, Ellie stopped petting her and removed her hand. "you can pet her," she smiled reassuringly before taking your hand again.

You crouched down and patted Mars's head gently. The cat purred, seeming to enjoy it as much as you did.

"careful, she bites a lot," Ellie warned. The look of fear on your face as you quickly removed your hand made her laugh so hard. "man, I was just playing with you. look at her, she's so cute. she wouldn't even hurt a fly, unlike...some people."

"don't be surprised if I stop trusting you," you retorted.

Ellie felt like melting, seeing how adorable the entire reaction was. The sight of someone she loves bonding with her pet made her even more in love.

You played with Mars's face and couldn't stop giggling at the sounds she was making. Ellie grimaced in jealousy

You asked Ellie if you could hold Mars, but got her refusal in response. "you're stealing her from me already?" Ellie smirked. She didn’t expect Mars to love you after just a few pats.

"she looks like she doesn’t mind," you said, continuing to pat her head. You wanted to hold her like a baby.

"well, let's ask her then," Ellie became serious again.

You just met her cat, and you wanted to make Mars yours already? She wasn’t going to let that happen just like she let you steal her heart. She took Mars carefully and walked towards the back of the room before putting her down.

Mars was now sitting four meters away from both you and Ellie, cleaning herself and not paying any attention to either of you.

You laughed as you looked at Ellie. Her plan didn’t seem to work like she wanted since the cat wasn’t even budging. "Look at her doing her toilet after you touched her."

Ellie nudged your arm playfully. "I washed my hands before putting the pizza in the oven, shut up." Ellie turned her attention back to her cat while you kept laughing.

Satisfied and feeling clean, Mars stopped grooming herself. Her eyes lingered on both of you, but sadly, neither of you got to mâle her crawl in your direction since Joel called out Mars to go eat. He poured the kibble in her dish, instantly attracting Mars to him.

Both you and Ellie looked at each other disappointedly, but Ellie wasn’t done competing with you yet.☆°☆°•☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

"If there was an eating pizza contest instead of the spicy one..." Ellie said after taking a big bite of her pizza slice.

Both you and Ellie sat across from each other, around the kitchen table, with the smell of the pizza perfuming the entire room.

"oh my god, you're still talking about this?" your tone dripping with exasperation.

"yeah, it was rigged. I don't know what kind of spice they put in, but that stuff got my tongue numb. I couldn't even feel it after eating," Ellie complained to you.

"just admit it's the first time you ate something spicy."

Ellie took another big bite of her pizza before quickly swallowing it.

She stood up and quickly went to the kitchen, returning with two big plates of pizza. Her eyes were burning with competition as she handed you one plate and sat next to you with hers in hand. "I want a rematch."

Now that she thought about it, every single time she wanted to impress you, it always resulted in you impressing her instead. Whether it was eating spicy food or playing pachinko, you'd always win so effortlessly. If you lived back in the 18th century, she would have definitely accused you of being a witch. "first one who finishes their pizza slice wins."

You raised your eyebrow at Ellie. "wins what? I'm not putting my heart and soul into this just for another ride on your motorcycle." The pizza you had looked really tasty, and you wondered if you could eat all of it or if your appetite would give out.

"then you'll get that if you lose," Ellie smirked maliciously. She wasn't playing anymore. Her eyes showed no mercy; she wasn't just looking at you like a friend but like one of her gang's opponents.

After counting down from three, both you and Ellie tried to eat as fast as possible. Ellie gathered all the determination she had since the first time she competed against you. She ate her pizza like there was no tomorrow.

Your eyes lingered on Ellie and then on your pizza slice. The look of determination in her eyes made you want to win too, but something in you wanted to let her seize this chance to impress you.

Three minutes were enough for Ellie to finish her entire pizza. The sight of you still eating made her smile proudly.

She finally achieved something she had been desperately trying to do for days.

It didn't seem impossible to beat you at something anymore; you weren't as invincible as she used to think. However, there was still something she wanted to win from you.

You gave Ellie a disappointed face, but deep down, you couldn't care less that you lost. It was a win-win for you.

In fact ,you dont mind losing to her once again, just to see her happy smile.

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Ellie wasn't that stupid; she could read you like an open book now. You'd effortlessly win against her in most games, but she saw how you purposely let her win.

Though she wished you'd make it harder for her to win, she didn't feel insulted. It was rather the opposite. "how about you just do whatever I want for the rest of the night?" Ellie's tone was suggestive, but you truly didn't have a choice.

Was it too soon for her to make a move?

She tried flirting, but even when you wouldn't exactly flirt back, you'd still get her flustered.

She tried to impress you again but wasn't that satisfied.

The night was still long. There was no sign of boredom or tiredness on your face, which was already a good sign.

"depends on what you have in mind," you said, pushing back your plate, too full to eat any more. You sighed as you leaned back on the couch, giving Ellie time to think about what she wanted.

But Ellie's mind was freezing. There were so many things she wanted to do, to say, to show... her mind could hardly slow down.Taking things slow would surely get her what she wanted fast.

"it wasn't a suggestion," Ellie smirked at your sass, reminding you that she had won against you. "How about you carry me bridal style to my room?"

It was since that moment, when you did anything Ellie asked, that Ellie's delusions were fed. The map was written, and it didn't take long for you to find what she thought she'd perfectly kept secret: her heart.

The way you didn't hesitate to occasionally massage her shoulders when she'd complain about them being sore. Her eyes practically begging for you to take care of her like she did for you earlier. You asking if you were doing it right was enough to drive her crazy. She'd nod and tell you to keep going while pretending to focus on the TV.

Or when you'd paint her nails black carefully, her hand on your thigh as you held one finger, making sure the polish wouldn't get on her skin. Her hand was so cold to the touch, but it had warmed up when you applied another 'coat.' Ellie's heart was filled with so much warmth she swore it could make the whole Atlantic melt.

"you like it?" you asked, interrupting Ellie's thoughts. She realized she'd been looking at you the whole time when you faced her.

She wondered if you liked doing this as much as she did. The way you took care of her so lovingly made her forget she was the one who ordered you to do this in the first place. But even if you were just following her orders, no sign of unhappiness was shown on your face. That was enough to give Ellie hope.

Her nails looked beautifully painted with no polish outside the lines.

"it's not so bad," Ellie said, not wanting to admit she loved it. She put her hands on her thighs, letting her nails dry.

The wind, bringing in coldness as it came through the window, made you look outside, noticing the brilliant full moon above the trees.

With no city lights chasing away the darkness, all the stars in the sky could shine brightly. Ellie knew the perfect spot to spend time looking at them. She'd start to stargaze every time insomnia hit her, staying because she liked how small it made her feel.

After asking if you were tired, her eyes dropped from your face to your shivering body; you easily feared the cold. But you stopped shivering once you felt Ellie's jacket over your shoulders. You wanted to tell her you didn't need it, but her lovely smile shut you up.

With no words exchanged besides glances, Ellie softly took your hand again before leading you out of her room, your fingers interlocked as you walked up the staircase leading to the roof.

After a few minutes of Ellie going back and forth to the house, you were finally settled, both of you sitting on a thin blanket, unbothered by the cold night breeze. Even at the sight of the two bowls of snacks, you didn't get hungry, too focused on the stars and the peace you felt.

It's true that you never truly paid attention to the stars at night because you'd mostly spend that time sleeping, listening to leaves dancing with the wind and the owls continuously hooting. Tonight was different; the beautiful stars did a good job of taking your breath away.

Ellie felt it again, the warmth enveloping her heart, contrasting with the cold breeze. Her eyes noticed your amazed ones gazing up at the stars; you were experiencing the same feeling she'd get when stargazing alone. No words were needed for her to understand that you enjoyed this moment. She smiled to herself, realizing how easy it was to put sparkles in your eyes.

Did you naturally enjoy the same things as her, or was it the fact that you were spending time with her that made you start to like the same things she did?

Either way, it made Ellie fall for you even more, and she hoped that this special moment made you feel the same way. But if her hope turned out to be useless, she would take action and make you fall for her.

You laid down more comfortably while keeping your eyes on the stars. Ellie followed you and scooted next to you. Her eyes were also fixated on the stars, but you could tell she was lost in her thoughts when you looked at her.

After a few minutes of silence, Ellie broke it. "did you know that when you look at the stars, you're actually looking back in time?" She turned her head to face you, the moonlight illuminating your face just right.

"isn't it because of the time it takes for the light to reach us or something?"

Ellie smiled. You were the only person who would let her ramble about the things she was passionate about. "yeah, the light from the closest star takes over four years to reach us, and light from more distant stars can take thousands or even millions of years to get here."

Never in your life would you have thought your knowledge would be expanded by a gangster, but with Ellie, you learned to expect anything from her. Maybe it was also why you were always curious about her.

"I guess time machines have competition," you said, making Ellie laugh shortly. You couldn't deny it: it was pleasing to hear her softly laughing at your jokes, even when you weren't purposely funny. Something about it made you want to hear more.

Ellie looked at you, still lying down next to her. She wanted to tell you something, but every time she opened her mouth, only uncontrollable laughs came out. You smiled, trying to contain your own laugh, but the sight of her struggling to tell her joke was too hilarious. You put your hand on her shoulder to shake her a little. "come on, what's so funny?"

Ellie tried to calm herself down. She inhaled deeply while closing her eyes. "nothing, I was just... thinking about something stupid."

You sat up, still keeping your eyes on hers. You were used to her stupid jokes. "just tell me man," your voice desperate to hear her joke. It was her chance to make you laugh too.

"you're picking up my phrases," Ellie noted. She smiled proudly, still teasing you by not saying what was making her laugh earlier. You pushed her shoulder slightly, inviting her to let it out.

"ok,fine,it's the story of an elephant and a camel..." Ellie tried her best to control her shaky voice, but you already laughing didn't help. "you're not even letting me start"

You covered your mouth and bit your lip not to let out another laugh and listened to her.

Ellie took another breath before continuing, keeping her eyes on you. "so the elephant asks the camel, 'Why do you have boobs on your back?' The camel replies, 'I don't know; at least I don't have a dick on my face.'" Ellie's voice progressively pitched up before she exploded with laughter, making you laugh even harder.

You wondered how she came up with something so out of pocket.

The tears streaming down your face as you held your stomach made her smile in victory. She made sure to capture this moment in her memory and hoped that moments like these would never stop.

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Though Ellie found herself not admiring the stars in the sky as much as usual, she still considered looking at you as "stargazing."

Why would she drift her eyes away from you when you were the most beautiful star she had ever seen? All she needed was your word, and she'd create a whole new universe for you.

Your arms were touching as both of you lay down, neither of you moving away. You finally understood why Ellie liked physical touch. Her forearm stole your attention from the stars for a moment. You had never seen her tattoo until now. Ellie always wore her jacket, but now that it was on your shoulders, it was the first time you saw it.

A large moth alongside some plants adorned her arm. You couldn’t help but trace the plants down with your fingers, feeling Ellie's warm skin. You wondered how she was not shivering in the cold outside when you were literally freezing inside.

She hoped you didn't hear her heart pounding so loudly in her chest.

"it's's ferns," Ellie said, looking at you, then at her own tattoo before lifting her forearm up so you could see it better under the moonlight. She pointed at the plants she was talking about.

"is there a meaning behind this?" Your fingers traced lower, around the moth, unforgivingly making Ellie's heart beat faster. Ellie swore it could explode if you kept touching her so softly.

When you asked the meaning of her tattoo, it brought her back to how her relationship with Joel was before she ran away. Until this day, she wished she could go back in time and change the past to make the present better. It was still hard for her to turn the page, to get to the next chapter.

"not much, just something cheesy. You're going to find it cringe."

like it's new? just tell me; I promise I won't judge." You removed your hand, and Ellie lowered her forearm.

Ellie rolled her eyes at your smirk. "fine, it means being drawn to the light. Like when you're in the darkness and totally hopeless... instead of giving up, you should look for the light... some stupid stuff that makes me think of Joel."

You smiled at her thoughtful words. Your eyes finally left her tattoo to look at her embarrassed face. You realized how much this tattoo meant to her. "that's cute... a little bit cheesy, but I like it."

Feeling your persistent gaze on her, she suddenly found the stars more interesting to look at. Her heart was beating happily, no regrets surfacing from telling you something personal.

You were seriously starting to like her flustered reactions, her pupils dilating in the moonlight making her green eyes ten times more mesmerizing, her nervousness making her cheeks turn red and her breath unsteady.

A part of you hoped you were the only person in the world able to make her feel like this.

"Is there something you're bad at?" Ellie cleared her throat. She sat up, trying to take back control of her body, hoping it would make the effects on her go away.

"why do you want to know?"

"just curious." Ellie's eyes gazed at the stars, then at her thighs, not really knowing where to look but still avoiding looking back at you. "I mean, you play pachinko like a pro. Does your dad secretly own a casino or something?"

"If he did, we wouldn't be kicked out. Also, he used to be in a gang. he couldn't even properly hold a gun, so I can't imagine him owning a casino." The idea of your dad owning a casino or just being the head of some big business was too unbelievable; it'd belong in fictional stories.

"your dad? holding guns? what for?"

And so it was your turn to rant, exchanging roles with Ellie. She was carefully listening while you were focsued on talking, casually oversharing to a girl you met this week like she was your best friend. Your trust issues always made you keep quiet, but something told you that trusting Ellie wasn't a mistake.

Everything was told, from your dad's past job as a gangster to your mom who selfishly cheated on him to you selling clothes to sustain your own primary needs (fulfilling your closet of Lolita clothes). It was normal for Ellie to be on your dad's side. She also grew empathy over your grandma, who also played a role in raising you.

She finally understood the real reasons why you refused to join her gang.

You also revealed your successful lying tactics to get money from your dad, which she disagreed with. It was hilarious how a gangster like her thought your tactics crossed the line.

"that's kinda evil."

"he's not at the age when an emotional shock instantly gives you a heart attack... but I stopped lying anyway," you justified. You considered lying okay, but directly stealing your dad's money was beyond your morals.

Ellie raised her eyebrows at you, the moonlight making her green orbs clearly visible. "trust me, if you keep doing this, you're going to be the reason he'll age as fast as the speed of light." Her sarcastic tone still made you think of your actions.

"also, did you know that if he was, by pure luck, thrown in space and stayed one year there away from you, 7071 years would have passed on Earth?" Ellie added. "It's like the ultimate long-distance relationship." A light chuckle escaped from her as she casually switched the conversation to drop a joke about the theory of relativity, making you wonder how she even had so much knowledge.

You were the only person she liked telling stupid jokes to.

Ellie laughed even more at your confused face. "I'm not making this up; it's true. To be able to make a time machine, it has to go as fast as the speed of light... Einstein said it." Ellie's eyes pierced through yours to make you believe her words.

"nerd."

"got a problem with nerds?" Ellie retorted, faking being offended.

"why'd you take it as an insult?" you clapped back as your eyes met hers.

Ellie turned her eyes from your lips forming a smile to the sky again. "because you said it like it was an insult."

"I have nothing against nerds," you reassured Ellie, stealing a last glance at her before copying her and looking at the sky as well. The dark blue hues coloring the sky enhanced the shining stars beautifully, like Ellie entering your boring life out of nowhere even though you didn't ask. You'd be lying if you said she wasn't making you feel things.

Your heart beating a little bit faster, being unable to retain your smile, and your eyes getting lost in admiration. These were familiar feelings you'd get from buying Lolita clothes, but unfamiliar feelings towards people. You didn't know what words to put on this feeling. Yes, it was love, but it was only platonic, right?

But you certainly knew that you enjoyed whatever was going on between you two a little too much.

If there was a shooting star, you'd wish for this night to be eternal.

"you better," ellie muttered because she was not done ranting to you about space. Not only for this night but hopefully forever,she hoped youll always stick by her side no matter what.

Unfortunately,no matter how much time and effort Ellie would put into learn about the universe, a lot of mysteries remained unfolded. "you still didn't answer my question, though."

You didn't even realize you dodged Ellie's question as you talked. There were many things you were bad at, gave up trying to learn, and never tried before.

After answering her,you caught Ellie smirking mischievously before she put M&M's in her mouth, munching as she went back to her room. You stayed on the roof as she told you to.

Hearing a loud 'bump' followed by a 'shit', you turned your head. Ellie walked back to you, holding a guitar with one hand and soothing her head with the other.

"you know we can just go back—" you looked up at her as she put her guitar down.

"no, it's fine, there's no one else around," Ellie said, sitting down next to you before softly strumming her guitar.

"just us." Ellie smiled at you while tuning her guitar to standard.

You didn’t know why, but you looked away from her eyes as your lips curved into a smile too. Feeling like you would explode if you kept looking at her, instead, your eyes drifted to the moth on her guitar.

The same moth on her tattoo was drawn next to the soundhole. Ellie told you Joel made it for her for her latest birthday. You didn't know much about Joel, but you knew enough to assume he truly cared about Ellie.

Ellie tried to calm herself down; her palms were sweating, and her hands slightly shaking. Even though she wasn’t showing off to a big public, she was still nervous playing in front of you.

"do you want me to play something?" was all Ellie managed to say. She realized she should have been careful with what she asked. "vesides classical music, I'm not into that choir and orchestral stuff as you can see."

"I don't only listen to that," you rolled your eyes at her statement. Classical music was certainly your favorite genre, but with indie and jazz, your music taste was hardly limited to one genre. "do you know Lamp?" You weren't surprised to see her nodding in refusal. It was your turn to make her discover your interest.

After making her listen to 'For Lovers' by the band with your MP3 player, Ellie picked up her guitar and started to learn how to play the song.

Her finding the right chords just from listening to the song over and over again easily impressed you.

You didn't pick any random song; it was one of your favorites, and listening to it felt like opening a love letter from someone you love.

Ellie kept practicing, determined to put more stars in your eyes than there were in the sky.

Your eyes drifted from her beautifully focused face to her calloused hands and fingers fingerpicking the strings. You wondered if you were the only one who ever got to see her like this, playing for you. For the first time in your existence, someone made you feel special.

Not clothes but an actual person.

It was so easy for Ellie to hit the right spots in your heart, whether it was from smiling, telling you stupid jokes, or playing this lovely melody.

To make this moment even more magical, a star stole both of your attention; it was brighter than the other ones as it quickly flew across the sky.

Ellie put her guitar aside, taking time to appreciate the uncommon scenery in her eyes.

It was in this moment that things like grabbing your hand and squeezing it made you melt in love.

There was clearly nothing platonic about this moment, you thought.

Ellie’s eyes didn't leave the star until it was out of sight, still holding your hand.

"did you make a wish?" Ellie whispered as she turned to look at you, feeling all giddy inside.

She wasn't nervous to look into your eyes; she wanted to see every single reaction, she wanted to see if she had an effect on you.

Her eyes bore into yours, trying to read your mind, trying to act as if she wasn't desperate to kiss your lips at this moment.

"as if I'll tell you."

Like treasures locked inside chests, both of you kept what turned out to be the same secret.

°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆☆°☆°☆

You didn't want the sun to rise too soon, making the stars disappear, outshined by the moon.

You didn't want this night to end too soon.

A storm suddenly struck, and rain poured heavily outside, so you and Ellie got back into her room before your clothes could soak. Ellie suggested you stay overnight, to which you agreed.

With the sound of rain hitting the windows in vain, you changed into Ellie’s clothes for sleeping after she brought you to the bathroom.

You could hear Ellie practicing the song you recommended from her room, and you couldn't help but feel touched.

She was getting better and would soon perform just for you.

You smiled as you finished putting on her black sweatpants, her dialogue replaying in your mind.

"what's wrong, scared you won't look cute in those?" Ellie had teased, holding out her large black tee and black sweatpants, which looked so comfy to sleep in.

"no," you rolled your eyes at her teasing, "I was just wondering if you were okay with me wearing your stuff."

Ellie loved your reaction. She was convinced you’d look cute in her clothes. It wasn’t hard convincing you, but if she was you,she knew she wouldn't be able to pull off your frilly dresses as well as you. Ellie found you so mesmerizing that she was persuaded you'd look good in anything. "as long as you don’t have fleas on you, it’s fine."

Your lips curved into a smile as you looked at yourself in the mirror, but Ellie’s smile was bigger when she saw you walking back to her room.

She was so happy just matching clothes with you.

After Joel shouted for Ellie to stop playing the guitar at 1 a.m., both of you slipped under the warm covers, giggling and talking until you fell asleep.

In just one day, you had already made so many memories, each too precious to forget.

And in just a few days, you bonded with someone you never thought you’d like in your life.

Ellie lay still on her back beside you, looking at the ceiling, trying her best not to seem awkward. With you so close, her heart was flooding with love, a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a long time. S

he didn’t want a single second to go to waste; otherwise, she’d feel miserable. So instead of sleeping, she stayed up with you.

You were lying on your side, admiring her profile while Ellie kept her eyes averted. Suddenly, you thought about the first day you met her and how you had successfully scammed her. Ellie was really smart, and it was surprising she hadn’t seen through your scam. Something told you she might have heard of your father getting caught for selling fake luxury clothes.

"what would you do if I told you the clothes I sold you were fake?" you asked, already anticipating all the ways she could respond. The worst she could do was end your friendship.

Ellie huffed and turned to look at you in the eyes, "I’d probably drag you with me and lock you in my basement, leaving you there until you die of hunger and boredom."

You scanned for any sign of playfulness, but to your surprise, Ellie actually looked serious. Even though both of you became friends afterward, it would still count as a betrayal for lying to her. When Ellie leaned into you with a serious look on her face, you instantly regretted saying this, not even knowing what pushed you to reveal it in the first place.

She tilted her head to the side. "don’t tell me you’re actually being for real?" Her voice was low with a hint of curiosity, slightly threatening you to tell the truth.

You felt her warm breath hitting your face. You tried to keep eye contact, but something drew your attention to her lips.

A small red crumb of M&M's was on the corner of her lips.

Ellie noticed where your eyes were lingering, and her cheeks instantly turned as red as the M&M.

"um, you have something here," you said, pointing at your own lips so she could mirror you and take it off.

The sight of the crumb staying there despite how many times she wiped her lips made you laugh softly.

"don’t change the subject," Ellie said, keeping her eyes on yours as she kept wiping her lips, still missing the crumb.

"it's still there," you sighed at her struggle, wondering if she was doing it on purpose. You reached your hand towards her lips to help her.

Ellie caught your wrist to stop you, her eyes boring into yours, still waiting for you to explain yourself.

You unconsciously licked your lips, and with her strong grip and lingering gaze, you were slightly scared at first, but the smirk forming on her face was enough to make your stomach flip uncontrollably.

Even if she tried to seem serious, it turned you on more than anything.

Your eyes drifted from the crumb to her kissable lips, and your heartbeat quickened as your imagination went wild.

How would it feel to be pinned by her?

How would her lips feel against yours?

You also wondered.

How would Ellie kiss you?

All of those unusual questions occupied your mind without answers, driving you crazy. Ellie was driving you crazy.

As much as you wanted her to pin you down and release the tension, the urge to finally tell her you scammed her and not keep any more secrets made you speak up. "okay, fine, it’s true."

You apologized sincerely, hoping Ellie would forgive your dishonest act. If you were her, you'd definitely feel betrayed and question your friendship, but to your surprise, Ellie’s face curved into a goofy smile before she laughed out loud.

It was a lighthearted laugh.

Her unexpected reaction absolutely flabbergasted you.

She was just playing with you all this time.

Ellie never knew she could seem that scary, and it secretly filled her with pride.

Ellie gently released your grip.

"I knew it," Ellie laughed, still keeping her eyes on you. She knew about you and your father's doings from the beginning.

Though your intuition was right, it didn't stop the feeling of shock from washing over you.

"why’d you buy my clothes then?" your voice was filled with curiosity and incomprehension.

"you know, I was actually surprised you’d let me walk into your house just like that," Ellie's lips formed a smirk, a malicious one. "uou made everything a lot easier for me, and you had no idea what I was planning to do." Ellie looked at you, trying to make you guess by yourself.

It is only now that you realized how naive you were. The more you talked with Ellie, the more stupid you felt.

With the malicious tone in her voice, it was evident Ellie did have bad intentions, stalking your dad to your house.

"just say it. I’m too tired for this."

"don't like guessing games, hm?"

"you wanted to bomb my entire house?"

"what? no, come on, you're a smart girl."

Your mind replayed the first day you met Ellie. She was just another stupid gangster to you, someone who’d get into useless fights and an outlaw who would do anything they wanted just for money. "I guess stealing my clothes so you could resell them to people who’ve never heard of my dad's scandal? I dont think reselling them in Tokyo is a g--"

Ellie shot you a proud smile. "yeah, I know, but it's not the reason why I gave up. With your grandma acting like a literal control tower, I couldn’t try anything."

She still bought the black jacket because she needed it and couldn’t find any other shops that would satisfy her demands.

At this very moment, you’ve never felt so grateful to have your grandma guarding your house. "thank God. I hope you fail miserably again at your next try."

Ellie nodded. "stealing is not fun. I stopped after helping find your bag. I’m sorry."

Her eyes showed pure honesty. You finally admitted lying to her, and Ellie stopped being troublesome.

In the end, everything turned out fine.

"It's okay... can you also say how much of a good influence I am?" You smiled at her, and she smiled back.

"you're into praises?"

"I'm not giving you the answer to that. you're a smart girl."

"you—oh my God, you could have told me earlier, and here I thought I only had to play guitar to make you all shy and flustered." Ellie looked at you with exaggeratedly unbelievable eyes.

You rolled your eyes at her, okay with admitting your lies but not with admitting you have a soft spot for her. "you played horribly."

"don't act like I didn't see you drooling over me." Ellie didn’t miss your adorable gaze on her when she was playing; that's when she knew she already had you wrapped around her finger.

"don't act like I didn't catch you staring at me all night." You also didn’t miss how persistent Ellie’s loving glances were. You were used to getting stares while walking in public, and at first, it would bother you. But you surely knew that you grew fond of having Ellie’s eyes on you, filled with admiration.

It did take a long time for both of you to finally fall asleep. Conversing this much for this long was unusual for you and took a bit of your energy, but it didn't mean you didn't like talking with Ellie.

You fell asleep first, laying on your side as you used your hands as a pillow. Your soft hums and breaths were like a melodic lullaby to Ellie’s ears.

Despite rambling about everything and anything all night, there was still a lot she didn't say.

Like telling you she wished you’d called her that day she hadn’t seen you at all. That even if she was busy, she'd spare some time exclusively for you.

That day passed like a month to her, and she really missed you.

Ellie let herself fall asleep facing you, hopeful to wake up to your adorable face.

She fell into a restless sleep, dreaming about you and all the wholesome things she wished she could have done with you this night.

[nvuy]

How do you write so well? I'm trying to get into writing because I YEARN to create, but it is very difficult. Do you have any tips? I try and create, but it feels like there is a brick wall in my brain 😫 I also struggle to come up with ideas 😭😭

oh worm thank you so much im so honoured… i don’t want to just say ‘practise,’ even though that is half of quite literally improving in anything.

i am going to long post now. you’re welcome. this is my little guide to writing. in no way am i saying my writing is perfect and world class five stars, but this is just some things i learned along the way that helped me get better!!!

now this is all assuming considering you read my works that you also want to write reader inserts, but even if that’s not the case, i think all this stuff applies to normal writing as well.

what i do like to think is that ‘good writing’ is very very subjective. for example, i prefer much more philosophical pieces, ambiguous endings, extensive world building, and things like that, and i like to put it in my writing.

however, what you may like about my writing could be what someone else absolutely hates. not everyone can be bothered to read 4 pages on a heavy description of a quiet deserted street in the rain, or a dusty old library , or the bustling atmosphere of a cafe. some writers like to do scenarios without fully developed plots. some do.

WRITING IN A NUT SHELL

what really helps is to find where you lie on this spectrum. do you prefer overtly poetic descriptive writing, or straight to the point, no beating around the bush? or does it depend?

i know it’s sounds taxing to write heavy descriptions and worldbuilding and this and that, but if you like to read it, chances are you may also like to write it yourself.

this is a tip i lowkey thought was common sense, but i’ve spoken to moots on discord and other platforms about it, and a lot of writers just… don’t know about it?

basically it’s that A First Draft is a First Draft. this has been said time and time again. j.r. tolkein didn’t write LOTR in a day, rowling did not write the entire harry potter series in one shot. nobody did that.

as well as this, my first drafts never start out as fully fledged stories. most of them look like this:

notice the obnoxiously large gap in between? yep! two entirely different scenes, but under the same concept. you don’t need cohesion in your drafts. that comes with time. get all your ideas down first.

my first drafts are awful. they’re absolute dogshit. most of the time, i abandon a lot of my works altogether. but i never delete anything, because sometimes i may come back and suddenly get inspiration again.

most of my first drafts look like this:

notice how it lacks with everything. there’s no flavour here. it’s incredibly dialogue heavy, and it’s clearly supposed to have some sort of surreal feeling to it.

come back to it later only when i feel like it and rewrite it only when you feel like it:

same concept, same exact scene, but now it has more emotion. because i’ve written it a second time, or maybe even a third, or fourth (anymore than that, and im sorry, but drop it. it’s doing you more harm than good). so many people hit this writers block because they want their first draft to be perfect and it won’t ever be.

don’t focus on the itty bitty details. get the idea down first. you can always come back later. it really really helps to get out of ruts and stuff.

another thing: You Don’t Need To Start With Writing Fanfics Right Away. and i wouldn’t recommend it. not doubting you, or any other young bright-eyed writers, but fanfics are gruelling work that require lots and lots of planning.

i would honestly recommend getting started and finding comfort with one shots and/or headcanons, or drabbles, or whatever else short fics are called, because they require a lot less dedication, and it’s a lot more fun, because you can spring from one idea to another. majority of my works are short fics for a reason. it’s a lot easier to write, and i personally find it more enjoyable :) try it out!

IDEAS: WORLDBUILDING

(this next segment is assuming your fic wants to take place in a different area than canon) (otherwise, check out descriptions/images/videos of the place your world is supposed to be set in!! same idea!!)

if you’re unsure about worldbuilding and what exactly this place you’re creating is supposed to look like or how it might function, browse pinterest! there’s so many real and/or fake & rendered places on that site. is your area really cold and constantly snowing? search up some art with those key words. it could help you gain a clearer image!

let’s use an example: say the world im building my fic is based in a very cold, always snowing, always icy town. we go on pinterest, have a bit of a look around, and then we go Ooh this looks interesting!!

this is a painting by alexander andriyanov.

who are these people? where are they? what’re they doing? is horseback and carriage their primary mode of transport? do these people have access to vehicles like cars? do cars exist in my world at all? what are the surrounding buildings? etc etc.

TLDR: what im trying to say is if it helps you, look at something, listen to music, watch a movie, and then ask the question How Do I Make This About Me?

this speedpaint by darek zabrocki helped me get an idea of what snezhnaya in my multi chapter fic on ao3 was supposed to look like. obviously snezhnaya isn’t released in genshin just yet, so it allows me a lot of creative freedom in that regard.

you can always always use other people’s works as inspiration. why do you think so many songs these days use samples from older tracks? it’s basically the same thing. obviously, don’t downright copy, that’s plagiarism, but seriously. if you’re struggling to create this world in your head, pinterest is your best friend.

IDEAS: PLOTS & THE CENTRAL CONFLICT

in terms of coming up with actually plot ideas, i said it before and i’ll say it again. movies, shows, games, other people’s stories, other fanfics/books, paintings and other forms of artwork, history, etc.

if you’re writing a fanfic, most writers like to take the canon route, and you’re welcome to do that.

if you’re worried about your own ideas being lacklustre or you can’t think of anything, but the canon storyline is good for your fic, canon divergence is always fun!

for example! i haven’t posted it here, but i always did have this idea of a neuvillette centric fic based on the love letter he received in one of the world quests. so you take something that happened in the game, and then you ask AGAIN: How Do I Make This About Me?

in terms of thinking up an entirely different idea or concept or prompt or whatever you want to call it, there’s honestly no right or wrong way of doing it. it’s really, really difficult though. i have so many ideas that are more suitable for one shots that fully fledged fanfictions.

again, read books you like. read other people’s works. read lore of the fandom you’re writing about, or better yet, sometimes i go off of a fleeting thought that a random NPC said at some point in the storyline that had little to no effect on the story.

what constitutes as a good plot and a bad plot is a matter of opinion. as long as there’s evident improvement (or the opposite, if that’s your fancy) of your characters in your story, whether that be their personality, relationship with others, or whatever, then you’ve successfully written a cohesive narrative.

how most of my works start is actually because i randomly come up with one scene in my head that haunts me. i call them Brain Rots™.

for example, in my scaramouche fic on ao3, the scene that started the entire thing was of some sort of solider that presented a ring to the doctor in a very cold and barren wasteland.

and then i asked, what is the significance of this ring? is the solider injured? should the doctor care? why are they there in the first place? where is this place? where do they go after this?

hopefully you get the picture.

TLDR: figure out what makes your Brain Rot™ about the particular scene that’s playing on repeat in your head, find your inspiration through any sort of media you enjoy consuming that you find directly links to your ideas (because most likely if you enjoy something, you’ll be inspired by it more than you would with something you actively don’t like) (and this ‘media’ ranges from pictures, real life anecdotes/stories, video games, other fics, music, art, etc.), ask questions (How Do I Make This About Me), and then answer them yourself!!!!

and also just practise and practise and practise!!! you will subconsciously develop new skills by consuming media and reading other people’s works that you really like. it all comes with time :) !!!!!

[malwaredykes]

honestly tbh leigh's relationship with the ncr is REALLY funny because. she hates them. she has 0 allegiance to them. she doesnt help THEM she resolves matters in ways that often happen to benefit them in some way or simply prevents needless loss of life, but it never is about them and aside from that shes always stealing, sabotaging, disrespecting them, turning people against them, encouraging members to desert, putting their legitimacy into question, especially the legitimacy of them being in the mojave in the first place, and exposing their ineffectiveness. she has 0 intention of venerating The Republic that she comes from. she thinks its hilarious that anyone should take that stuff seriously.

but she ends up being a celebrity to them. because crocker likes her despite everything, and hsu likes her, and because shes from new cali but important in the mojave, and because shes done stuff like calm things down in the freeside and help at refugee camps and retake nelson. which makes her even more of a problem in a way. if she were Only a nuisance thatd be one thing, theyd just put a bounty on her. but shes a celebrity. she has a status in new vegas and in the ncr. shes kind of untouchable. and her crimes and sabotage can never quite be proven. of course to the higher ups theres having proof and theres Knowing. shit only gets worse when she and her buddies storm the legion fort and kill caesar and free a bunch of slaves because like. this strengthens her vip status AND is absolute humiliation to the ncr. like they cant take the credit and instead they have to live with the fact that what a lot of them dismissed as some upstart with a bunch of clueless locals backing her did something they never couldve achieved. "oh this was pretty much an angry mob of townies and misfits" yeah and they got caesar in his own fortress. shes out there making the ncr look like shit and pointing people to seeing the ncr as the problem and yet she never does it in a way that she could be prosecuted for. by the time the ncr realizes shes a lot of trouble they also know they would lose a TREMENDOUS amount of support if they did something to her

like shes never openly hostile. she never provokes open hostility. shes not Openly Antagonistic to the ncr but its not exactly a secret shes got something planned and would like them to leave. young ncr recruits seeing her are like Omggg ma'am its an honor!!!! ^_^. there are officers and rangers whod be REALLY appalled if you said anything bad about her because Well she sure has done a lot more for us here on site than any of you government people. and that was her goal. that is the game shes playing. folks youll eventually realize its not the ncr that has done good in the mojave despite its flaws, but yours were the hands doing the work, and all the reasons one might consider ncr good or necessary are within you, Are you, the people who joined hoping theyd make a difference. folks youll realize that the ncr has to lie and obfuscate and make bullshit orders and directives to maintain claim over that good work and whitewash its own crimes. folks, i have this ex-ncr friend here. do you know what the ncr got him? complicity in atrocities (lyrical miracle), ptsd, apocalyptic thinking, countless biases to unpack, hopelessness, enemies where he shouldve made friends. and so on. and do you know what he got from *me*? a chance to actually do good. a chance to question those false beliefs of his. a friend. new opportunities. 40 rolls of duct tape. new rifle. lots and lots of soda. TWO toy trucks. and an apple. just ask him

[armando-triplepapito]

Dang crazy how Roberto left part of his acciones to Betty! (not 100% sure but it’s pretty obvious)

Ngl if I were Marcela I’d be pissed but mostly betrayed especially since she viewed him as a second father. In her defense it would’ve been normal to expect she’d get some of Roberto’s share. He knew how much Marcela loved Ecomoda. Tho it’s too early to assume anything.

What I’m guessing is that Doña Margarita died before Roberto so who knows maybe she gave Marcela some of her shares and Marcela then felt entitled to Roberto’s as well? Or maybe Roberto did leave something for Marcela which he thought would’ve been more valuable than his acciones but Marcela didn’t viewed it as such?🤔 idk but I can already sense Marcela is going to blame Betty for not inheriting anything…

Okay prediction time!:

I think Marcela’s overall goal was to win the presidency for her son (or who ever that guy is, he’s definitely a Valencia).

I’m assuming Betty was president before she left for two years. Something happened which Marcela was able to ask for Betty’s head.

While voting for the presidency she probably lost due to majority rule and Armando took over as president. She was fine with it cause she probably knew he wasn’t going to last long. With Betty out of the picture and with Roberto’s death she was certain her son will take the presidency because she assumed she will inherit some of Roberto’s acciones. She probably wouldn’t have won majority vote but she could’ve won cause her vote would’ve had more weight with Roberto’s acciones.

Obviously Betty got the acciones and became president again and which ruined Marcela’s plan…

Obviously Marcela’s pissed and will now go above and beyond for her son to become president.

And that’s where another prediction come in!

What if she convinces her son to seduce Camila?👀 it’s history repeating itself! Camilla will go through what Betty did! A man seducing her for Ecomoda…

^but yea idk about this prediction tho💀 i can already guess that Hugo’s assistant (im assuming) will try to seduce Camila. But I don’t think it’s for Ecomoda but for another sick intention. That will be the difference between Marcela’s kid and Hugo’s assistant.

Also I wouldn’t be surprised if Marcela’s kid actually falls in love with Camila (again history repeating itself) and that’s how Marcela will get her redemption. Having to watch her son fall in love with a Mendoza just like her , watching them end up together just how she wished for herself. She will then understand that the hate she carried is a waste and will finally get along with Betty finally restoring the strong bond between the Mendoza & Valencia’s.

So yea that’s what I’m expecting as subplots for this sequel…

[slytherinshua]

GAMBIT

genre. assassin/spy au. implied exes to lovers. lots of tension. warnings. illegal activity (robbery, heist, etc). kissing. open ending. pairing. jihoon x fem!reader. wc. 1.4k. request. no. a/n. finally a jihoon fic based off of gambit which i've wanted to write for so long istg. for hannie, i love you so much and happy birthday!!

Years of training and months of planning had finally led up to this moment. There you were, standing 2 feet away from the diamond you had been after for quite some time. The work you had put in to get to this moment had tested not only your physical skills, but your mental resilience. You had been forced to ignore distractions and keep your mind and eyes on your original prize throughout your mission. It all would have been a walk in the park— if only he hadn’t been teasing you this entire time.

Jihoon; your top rival, and possibly the only thing you wanted more than the diamond you finally beheld with your own eyes. He knew it just as well as you did, that you’d give almost anything to get another taste of his lips. He was the only thing with the power to distract you, to cloud your brain with thoughts of only him, to make you forget what your end goal was in the first place.

Even getting to the room where the jewel was stored had taken an extreme amount of effort. You disarmed and knocked out the gallery guards, hacked the security system to shut down the video surveillance, and figured out the many codes to get into the locked room. Now that you were finally face-to-face with something so precious— a gemstone that would secure your future, you foolishly let your guard down, entirely bewitched by its beauty for no more than 15 seconds.

And that was when you heard his voice.

“Taking out the guards was just a piece of cake for you, wasn’t it? Too bad they weren’t conscious long enough to remember your pretty face.” 

You sucked in a breath, goosebumps rising on your skin as you sorted through your options in your head. Either you could engage in the conversation with him, possibly risking getting caught due to time being wasted, or him stealing your precious diamond. Or you could try to knock him out and make a run for it. You didn’t like your chances on either option, nor did you trust yourself to be able to resist whatever Jihoon would offer you.

“That’s a pretty stone. Is this what you’ve been after all this time? No wonder you never accepted my invites.” 

You heard his footsteps creeping closer to you, the scent of leather and musk enveloping your senses, his sultry voice ringing in your ears. Don’t get distracted by him now. You turned around, flashing him a fake smile while your eyes threw daggers at him.

“Fancy seeing you here. Did you follow me in?” Your mouth felt dry as your eyes took in his appearance again. How long had it been? A year since you had seen his face? You had heard his voice many times in the past months. Little voice messages or notes left to you, making you ever-aware that he was still following you, probably watching your every move.

He smiled. You hated how trustworthy his smile was, how it made you want to believe every word he said. You knew firsthand that he was far from honest. He had a dozen tricks up his sleeve, and you didn’t have a second to spare to waste on any of them.

“The trail of unconscious bodies was hard to miss.”

“What do you want, Jihoon?” You asked harshly, getting impatient and on edge from the situation. He seemed eager to waste time, while you were quickly running out of it. You needed to get the diamond and get out, otherwise the entire mission would be for nothing.

He cooed, sympathy dripping from his mouth. Fake sympathy.

“Why so tense, darling? I thought we trusted each other more than this.” He continued to tease. With each word you became more and more distracted from your task. You didn’t even flinch as he moved closer and closer to the jewel, sitting atop its velvet cushion. He picked it up, leather gloves preventing any fingerprints that would otherwise be left behind on the precious stone. You could only watch in silence, a wave of admiration for the man washing over you, though you did not want to acknowledge it.

“It is a marvelous gem, isn’t it? Just like you.” He muttered, tracing each cut of the diamond, studying its smooth surface and sharp edges, the way it gleamed in the light, its worth in the billions.

Your breath caught in your throat as he stepped closer to you, gemstone still in his gloved hand. He held it out in front of your face, watching in amusement as your eyes, filled with want, fixed on the diamond. They flickered back to his face, the same look still present in them, and the right side of his lips lifted. 

To you, the gem and him were almost interchangeable. Both were too valuable for any amount of money anyone could possess, both were objects of your desire, and both were just slightly out of reach. You could never have both, but maybe you could get your hands on one of them.

Your fingers wrapped around his wrist, pulling his hand down slowly, keeping eye contact. He watched you like a cat watches its prey, waiting for a slip-up, waiting until you made your next move. His face never failed to provoke you, asking you silently why you weren’t just giving in. 

You know you want it. I’m within reach. Choose; me or the gemstone.

Maybe it was a moment of weakness, or maybe you had finally decided what truly was more valuable to you. All thoughts of the diamond fled your mind, replaced with only the man who stood before you. Maybe this was just another one of his tricks, another ploy to get you under his control. Or maybe he truly cared.

Finding out the consequences was a problem for your future self, though. Without another moment of hesitation, you clasped his jacket, and pulled him forward until you had what you wanted— his lips on yours.

Years later, the taste was still just as you remembered. Sweet alcohol and cherry dripping from the skin, soft and inviting. The cold leather of his glove against your cheek only encouraged you to push for more, to melt into him and let your guard down completely.

“You must be the cruelest woman I’ve ever known, leaving me without this for 2 years.” He whispered, lips still mere centimetres from yours.

You wished you could boast that you didn’t feel the same way, that there had been a day where you hadn’t thought of his lips as well, but it would be an obvious lie. So, instead, you didn’t say anything, trusting that he could deduce what you felt from your eyes, as always.

You wanted more than anything to get another taste, to make the kiss last for just a bit longer, but the distant sound of sirens alerted both of you. 

“I hope you included an escape route in this mission plan.” Jihoon commented, still clutching the diamond carefully in the palm of his hand. You grabbed his wrist, dashing towards the fire escape which you had previously located as the safest way out of the building. You had made sure to install an additional ladder on the side of the building, much more hidden than the built-in escape stairs.

You ushered Jihoon down first, following closely behind him until you both reached the ground. Pulling your black mask up to cover your face, you gave a quick nod back to Jihoon, both of you making your way back to the getaway vehicle.

At ease had never been words you could attribute to yourself, but it was exactly what you felt when you took your seat beside Jihoon as he ordered one of his partners to drive back to his base. With the diamond grasped in one hand and Jihoon’s thigh under the other, you finally had the two things you had desired most, if only for a temporary moment.

You had underestimated Jihoon’s skills. His gambit had worked flawlessly on you, and now he had you exactly where he wanted. You did not know what to expect once you reached his quarters.

Could you really believe that he had forgotten all past betrayals and was going to be hospitable to you? Welcoming you into his home again as if you hadn’t been the very person to stab him in the back years ago? You could only assume that whatever was waiting for you probably resembled a cold prison cell more than a warm bed for you to rest.

But, strangely, you were at peace with the decision you had made. Whatever awaited you behind those extravagant doors to his mansion, you had chosen it willingly over the jewel. There was no one to blame but your own foolish mind.

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