#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

metukika · 1 year

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ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

#this post is an investment #kazuichi souda #character analysis #also this is not proofread so expect a bunch of typos haha

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ibolyafagyi · 7 months

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social pressures eating my ass up.......... i freak out about making new irl contacts online, as in adding someone i met in real life ; and im also insecure trying to measure up with my few instagram numbers on my private account. because my numbers are low, its like im elevating the ppl that i do have contact with, like those 20 ppl are my bffs, which is not at all true. its a couple past dating app matches, a really few legit friends, a few of their friends, loose university contacts.

i want everyone to see me quietly, unknowingly, and know that im interesting.

i dont want to make new contacts.

i dont want to be "someone who cares about this".

so many ppl from my major have hundreds of followers, insta baddies, strangely preoccupied with a niche aesthetic, that at the end still feels alien to me. i wanna be like that, but also i havent been collecting contacts since years ago, and i feel like i still dont do it "right" currently, i dont wanna add new contacts... i dont want to look at and care for other people, i want people to care for me, reinforce me!

i feel like i need a token friend in my learnt language (my major). it feels, seems easy for others to do, n i feel like im late again, just like in all my teens about making friends and making steps in socialization. i am at the same time literally running from the exchange student i ended up in contact with. and it makes me feel small that i dont wanna meet her. and if i think about my therapist picking at this and asking why, i get soooo annoyed. ik its telling something, it may be regressive to not engage, but i wont cuz i have a lot on my plate rn, even if i miss this specific opportunity. might be bc of the selfishness of give me x, but i dont wanna give you anything.

reading back, all this seems so juvenile. its not like people have more authentic connections cuz they have instagram contacts.

i hate my therapist for making these problems so everyday in their nature, like what steps can we do to do that simple thing that im insecure about. in my brain i know it, i have the voice telling me it, that its not glorious and not dramatic and not huge, but i dont internalize ngl!!! cuz i hate the ungloriousness of it!! i preemptively feel stupid about them. i take them seriously, but it feels like this sentiment wants to cancel that, emotionally. they are huge things for me, and it feels so dissatisfying that others are incapable of seeing me/it that way, that its just another small thing for them, my big step a dust in their universe..... is that self-centeredness and immaturity? i mean yea. is it also perhaps a wound? i mean it could be?

i have other friends i havent written back to in a year. i have my high school classmates i was never comfortable with. ik its mostly about getting over it. no ones even forcing my hand to be besties with anyone, to go back and befriend my high school class at a reunion. it just comes back exactly because im stressed and insecure ----------

this loneliness sucks so fucking bad!

i hate overindulgent introverts bc this is that side of me! wallowing in own sadness. i wanted to believe i just have to believe in connection with other people, but it doesnt necessarily work just like that. i cant know. i cant decide. i cant just go in and feel fine and connected always. the answer to this particular step isnt "just suck it up and extrovert more". its not "introvert and find yourself cool by yourself" either.

i dont want it to be "stop thinking about yourself so much" either. cuz come on >:( i have to be between people all day everyday, changing situations, how could i stop perceiving my percepted perception! instagram is that perception hyperrealized. its an imitation and caricaturization of that same reality, but also it *is* a part of reality, its not like its not. ugh

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rouninren · 11 months

Text

hghghghhg. looking into social media addiction because i clearly have it (isn't it ironic that i'm writing about it on, well, social media? lmao), and trying to see what exactly i'm struggling with

so far i think my "symptoms" are:

i get afraid of missing out, be it content (this is why i love classic internet where updates were popping up like idk weekly or monthly or idk just paced differently), or... imma be honest, real life events made me addicted to news as well, but i think i'm managing this relatively well these days. or even people: i feel like if i won't "appear" enough times online, i will be forgotten, which is kind of dumb because my friends clearly remember and care about me, they don't need to get bombarded with messages or activity.

i'm oversaturated with the content, which makes me, as a content creator an artist, to feel defeated by the overcompetitive market and utterly unlovable. yeah, i know, i shouldn't value myself based on my skills, but it's an old maladaptive behavior stemming from childhood that i can't get rid of; "first i should grab people's attention so they'd explicitly care about me, then, and only then, i have a permission to have a right to talk to them". art became one of those things.

i do waste my time mindlessly scrolling and procrastinating, and while mindless scrolling is clearly a light physical habit (sometimes i don't even read what i scroll and i hate it, but it's not something i struggle with dropping the moment i notice i'm doing this), procrastination also stems from the previous point cuz like. who cares if i feel joy when i draw, or play games, or read books. it's not worth any attention = i'm not worth attention = no potential and actual new friends = i'm going to die alone (when i'm literally not alone). lmao. how fucking weird it is, that i have piles upon piles of games and books, but i don't touch them because nobody cares about them anymore? same goes to "old" trends less people care about these days. i feel outdated. like, my whole life, whole essence feels outdated.

ok idek what to do with these atm. the addiction itself is clearly not the standalone issue, but a symptom of something else entirely. so it all makes it harder to work on.

i also want to note that researching the topic, i found some statements either neurotypical, or, uh, "generally privileged" for lack of better word. like for example, the idea that preferring to talk to friends online is a sign of addiction. i do enjoy socializing irl, but it's so much easier and less sensory overwhelming to chat online. i also absolutely hate this "just log off and go look for friends irl" yeah, tell me you're socially conforming cishet neurotypical with convenient lifestyle and opinions without telling me you're socially conforming cishet neurotypical with convenient lifestyle and opinions.

i also do believe that people, being people, tend to overdramatize and demonize internet in general lmao as i was researching the thing, i was thinking, damn, these same people probably would say we're addicted to electricity 100 years ago.

either way though, addiction as a whole is deeply tied to the relief, rather than existing in vacuum, which is also, i think, the issue with people who demonize the internet. i know what kind of relief i'm seeking for, i listed it above. but i don't know what to replace my maladaptive behavior with, at least, at this moment.

#ronin.txt #social media addiction

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just-jusko · 1 year

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i fucking hate when people ask me about my opinion about [insert pretty much enything] (i mean irl, cuz my online presence is almost non existent)

can't i just don't give a shit anymore?! them: what do you think about [insert any part of lgbtq+]? me: they sure are them: are what? me: they are, that's it them: *visibly angry* me: ???

them: what do you think about [insert anything related to politics in my country]? me: they definetely do something them: and are you okay with that? me: do you really think any politician whants good for you? it's always like being forcefully fucked in the ass, but every time it's someone different so it doesnt matter them: *visibly angry, again*

and many more like that

like, i know many people will say "ughh being indifferent is even worse than having your own word" but guess fucking what? i still don't care. i was born without my consent, i dont plan to end my life any time soon, and im going to make it everyone elses problem

#shitpost #shitposting

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opaljm · 3 years

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not gonna lie, but i liked you better when you were just doing your own little thing on tumblr. youre hybrid stories were so good and your hades!taehyung story was so promising. but now instead of writing and posting fics- literally where is eye of the tiger it's been more than a year since you teased it and where is turbulent part three?! your becoming a shooter for people that dont even like you as much as you like them. why do you hype up hantaev and chateautae when they never hype you up naia. i dont think they've ever read a single thing by you either. naia their never gonna become your bsfs and its pathetic to see you keep trying 💀 you should just write and post your fics (you know the ones that we ACTUALLY WANT) why did you even release yours truly. just give us eott youve had more than a year to work on it i dont get it. the more you draw it out the less people will care when you finally post it.

Um wow. Okay so, my readers know I have a policy of not answering hate asks and in general the treatment I get from my readers is so good and so pure and I'm always grateful for it but it seems like this motherfucker wants to ruin that relationship, but you know what? I have thick skin and I don't even know if you're actually one of my readers or you're one of those toxic anons that @hantaev and @chateautae have, that decided to come over here and bother me now.

The reasons why I'm suspicious whether or not you're even one of my followers or just fine combed my blog to find ways to hurt me is because I have actually explicitly stated why there is no Turbulent part 3 yet (It's a drabble series that I work on when I have inspiration for it or when I am not working on other works. But I literally have so many WIPs right now. All my readers know that Turbulent is the least of my priorities and they're so respectful of that).

And when it comes to Eye of the Tiger, I've literally stated that I've lost over 20k words of the fic when the file got corrupted and that actually put me into a slump and not want to write that fic anymore. Since then I've decided to completely rework the plot into something that I would want to write again. I had made it into a chaptered form before changing it back to a one-shot. It's even on my list of WIPs for this year. But let's assume for a second that you actually have read my stories and you're not a random anon from the depths of hell. Congratulations! You have delayed Eye of the Tiger for everyone. I was going to work on it next month but now it looks like everyone is going to have to wait until August at earliest. I also don't care if you think that Eye of the Tiger's anticipation is going to die down and no one ends up reading it when I finally do post it. It's not like you have clairvoyance and can see the future.

Now moving onto you insulting Yours, Truly and saying no one wants it. Anon, just because you love Taehyung to the alarming degree that you keep harassing creators for their Taehyung fics just cuz it's not set to your specification or whatever the fuck does not mean that everyone else is such a rabid crazy Taehyung stan. It literally makes no sense for me to put more importance onto your opinion of Yours, Truly over the hundreds of people who have reblogged and hearted it and even asked to be on the tag list. Not to toot my own horn but I really like Yours, Truly and I wish you would open your eyes so you could enjoy it like everyone else. Except I don't know that I want someone like you on my page so 🤷🏻‍♀️ maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you don't like Yours, Truly and won't be able to bother me about it in the future.

I left this for last because it's literally so stupid that I even have to address this. Anon, I don't think you realize this but Hads and Sammy are friends in real life, they are the type of friends that talk every day, facetime and text, and send each other presents. Not only that but they are also the same age. IN contrast, I am... get this... their online friend. I am not as deeply involved in their lives as they are in each others lives. And you know what that's perfectly fine and I'm okay with it, maybe one day it'll turn into something IRL maybe not, it's cool we're chilling either way. Also, I can't believe I even have to say this but anon do you realize that Sammy and Hads are both 19 and I am 23? I'm actually rubbing my forehead right now because there is literally no situation where it's normal or acceptable for a 23 year old to be jealous of a relationship that two 19 year olds have with each other. I just treat them like my little babies that I'm so so proud of.

If you think I'm trying too hard to be their friends, I feel like you genuinely have never seen people act kindly towards others without expecting anything in return. It literally costs me nothing to interact with them and brighten up their days. Also maybe it's my age but I'm not insecure about whether or not my mutuals read my fics or constantly reblog and promote it. We are all so busy I'm never going to ever demand that from someone. Sammy and Hads don't demand anything from me either. How can you say Hads as never read anything by me when she's listed as the beta reader of Yours, Truly (yet another reason why I think you have never read it but are just insulting it because you can)? Sammy has given me private updates of how much she's enjoyed my work. Just because she or Hads never posted a review for YOU to see on multiple works doesn't mean that they don't read and support my stuff. And it's so weird that you're claiming that about them but you're not holding me to the same standard? The last time I reviewed one of Sammy's Maybe I Do chapters was probably for chapter 4 but I've privately been keeping her updated on my progress with reading her fic. I haven't even read Hads' Before Dawn yet. But you know what? It's fine. We're all okay with it and we don't have insecurities like that, we understand that we will all read and support each other's fics when we can and when we're free. I feel like as you get older you realize that friendship is not just what you can physically show off to others its more so all the ways you can be there for someone. I thank Allah that Sammy, Hads, and I are all so much more understanding than you are and that there is not even an ounce of toxicity in our relationship.

Lastly, maybe I'm not jealous of Sammy and Hadiyah being best friends because I have my own best friends? @vivian146 is literally the light of my life and we're going on strong for almost 7 years 😭😭😭

#chatty!naia #asks #anon #naia rant #toxic anon

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cozymochi · 3 years

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Hey, i just want to say you are one of the coolest people ever-seriously. I love your art, even if you dont think so yourself. So many people here enjoy the content you make. Fanom will always be pretty…. y'know. It's always okay to not engage with it. Just do things that make you happy; thats really all that matters in the end. (1/2)

I dunno if I’ll make it worse but not just answering this with “🥺🥺😭💕💕💕💕”, but I really feel like I should dive a bit deeper (not too deep, im not comfy enough for that), but dive just for a second.

I understand the intent behind this, I promise it’s really nice and I appreciate it.

But external validation online isn’t the problem I have. I’m aware other people outside myself like it. I didn’t say they didn’t. I’m aware enough. I’m not as extreme popularity levels where I’m actively spoken about or have influence to an obnoxious-name-dropping degree, but it’s a comfy enough spot I can recognize to some extent. I only know my bubble, though.

I just do not like my work. I feel like whenever I say anything close to that, people are quick to assure how much others like it- so that must mean something, and mean enough for me to take a second-thought if only for a minute.

My issues stem from personal stuff and enviromental things IRL outside of my control that have been building for years. But when I wanna (in theory) get away from thinking about that, or make a teeny tiny vent that doesn’t so much as scratch the surface, I come here. Which, yeah, it’s tumblr. No social media is a good spot to go. I don’t even care if people just scroll by them, nobody is obligated to say anything in my book. They’re not comfortable and look really bad- tho that comes with being emotionally charged.

However, this place reminds me how much (and this expands to IRL) how much I’m just not satisfied with my work. It doesn’t stem from a perceived lack of external validation.

I just don’t like it.

I don’t know why.

But just to curb this before anybody wants to try: I’m not looking for others to analyze or theorize “why” either, that’s not anybody’s place to do that (frankly i’d be insulted if anybody tried to). I probably won’t figure out “why” for a while. If not for a long time.

And sometimes, it feels like I’m not allowed to be dissatisfied with it. And if I don’t have a sufficient enough answer as to “why” it’s perceived as irrational and not warranted. And while I know it is at least the former in some capacity, I’m not given enough respect to just let me feel the way I do. This expands IRL with my other work, where I can’t even change my mind about something without being interrogated for it. I can take breaks all I want to (I do it a lot), but it wouldn’t really adjust my mindset.

But this has been an ongoing problem for years, and not a new thing. I just don’t actively bring it up much. I don’t bring up a ton of stuff here, cuz frankly, much of my personal life isn’t anybody’s business. I can’t even count how often I stop myself from hitting that post button to make two sentence remarks. I just bother somebody else with paragraphs. But sometimes it will leak out in these awkward posts that happen in spurts. So, to that end, all this would seemingly look “new” to everybody else and purely recent- when it isn’t.

I swear external validation isn’t the problem. I’m aware.

This will be more confusing. But, this whole “not liking my art and not finding it worth showing” isn’t even the problem either. This isn’t even what sets me off.

But, it is an issue that exists— but it’s at the bottom. It’s not something I “worry” about or fret over, so much as it’s just a very minor thing that’s present. This place mostly just reminds me of that bottom tier issue when this place is supposed to be, and I hate using this, “an escape” from all the other more damning and ongoing more serious issues that actually make me break down and lose my composure and want everything to stop.

It’s mostly just the equivalent of being beaten up in an ally, getting mugged, getting fired, ur pet dying, then when you’re trying to finally go home to unwind you trip and fall into a puddle and skid your knee.

I don’t lose composure from that. But it doesn’t help when u wanna get your mind off everything else.

P.S this wasn’t “saying the wrong thing” or inciting worse feelings!!! I don’t feel much, I just felt like I should clarify— tho I have enough sense to know my own response like this was likely presumptuous and unwarranted too. I dunno. Seemed like a decent springboard to jump from to talk a very vague concept.

P.P.S: my digs at fandom stuff was just me being salty and unrelated tacked on remark and not so much personal nor related to any of the above, i promise i dont care about the cringe

but thank u for calling me cool

i wish i did more to really warrant that, though. It’s hard to feel good about what others say when you yourself don’t feel it

#cozy ask #personal/

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metaldragoon · 3 years

Photo

@justsuha filled this out, and I felt like doing the same. Kinda felt they didn’t have the best categories so maybe I shouldn’t have bothered, also tried not being too repetitive with my picks. Favourite Game - Final Fantasy VI, this was an easy one for me. One of the first games I ever played, then I came back to it around like 12-14 years old and it was the first game I ever played on an emulator, then it was one of the first games I ever watched an LP on, one of the first game I ever started playing with mods, and yeah, I’ve just played this game a lot in my life. Best Story - Mass Effect (1), could’ve gone with FFVI again but eh, and maybe Hollow Knight but I feel like the world building in ME1 is crazy-deep and unparalleled. Maybe that’s not story in like a “plot” sense, but it’s what I settled on. Favourite Art Style - Killer7, was a comfortable pick but Persona 5 is also a really crisp game. Also thought about other things that are more atmospheric like Metroid Prime, Hollow Knight, or Bloodborne. Favourite Soundtrack - Final Fantasy VI, like I said, didn’t want to be repetitive, so there was games that had like a banger of a track like Papers, Please, or something like Super Meat Boy, but I couldn’t really justify anything being equal to FFVI. Hardest Game - Dragon Age: Origins, Felt like a Soulsborne game was the “gimme” answer so I wanted to swerve a bit. DA:O is hard as fuck, if you’re not optimizing your build you’re not beating that game. Even on “easy” I’m like chill man Funniest Game - Paper Mario: Thousand Year Door, was tempted to go Undertale but since that’s kind of just a parody game I feel like it had a lot more liberties it could take to still be funny. TTYD is super funny while still being like it’s own game. Game I like that everyone hates - Gears of War 2, some kid in Gr. 11 said I should get a 360 and play that, and so I did. I played the online mode so much, but it never really felt like a popular competitive game. I liked being so beefy, it’s basically just one-shotting people with shotguns is the meta and so the whole stalking someone to close the gap to be in range was super fun to me. Campaign kinda trash and my friend wanted to get an achievement for co-op beating it on the hardest difficult that was miserable for me, but I think it’s a really fun game to play with some great audio too, the SFX are top notch. Game I hate that everyone likes - Borderlands, hate is a strong word but man I don’t really care about this game at all and people have been hyping it up for a decade. Underrated Game - Catherine, all my irl friends I tell about this game don’t know what it is, until I remind them and they go “oh yeah, that game looked weird/was too hard.” don’t know anyone who’s actually played more than an hour of it. It’s one of my all-time faves, though. Overrated Game - Breath of the Wild, my wife says I didn’t give it a “fair shake” but I played like 20 hours and zzz... was tempted to go with a Pokemon game too, but it’s more a franchise in general than a specific game. Best Voice Acting - Yakuza Kiwami, I didn’t really have any real opinions on a game having good voice acting; generally they don’t. Yakuza is all VA’d in Japanese so that’s probably why, but it felt pretty cool and was the only thing that I could think of actively enhanding a VG experience. Maybe shoulda gone GTA (3 or San Andreas), both are really dated and definitely don’t sound that good anymore but one of my favourite games to listen to dialogue from. Worst Voice Acting - Metroid: Other M, not bad in terms of the actual talent of the VA’s but damn if it doesn’t ruin everything about Samus as a character. “REMEMBA ME?!” Favourite Male - Kazuma Kiryu, was tempted to go General Leo from FFVI, but couldn’t find an image big enough before I resized this, which I could have easily worked around, but I also really like the Dragon of Dojima! It’s weird because he seems like such a simple design but he’s just badass in the right way, and I don’t know why more games can’t get it right. Favourite Female - Franziska von Karma, from the 2nd Ace Attorney game. For some reason had a huge crush on her, when I was younger I even drew some fanart of her which I ain’t done for nobody but her and Broly. Favourite Protagonist - Samus Aran, wanted to go with a “franchise” character and Samus is always super cool (except in Other M), I’ll always be excited to play her in some new game. Favourite Village - Kakariko Village, felt like kind of a weird question, ‘cuz like if it was favourite area or something, I could have put some other stuff (Greenpath in Hollow Knight for example), and being a village I feel like basically limits you to medieval games but not the main hub either as that’s “a city.” But Ocarina of Time’s Kakariko Village is always really fun to roll in to, also thought of the Goron Village, or just any village in Secret of Mana because that village theme is soo good. Most Hated Character - Nathan Drake, have barely even played Uncharted, but I just always hate any character with his personality, and he’s the biggest and most well-known. Maybe he’s fine but meh. First Game You Played - Super Mario World, can’t say for 100%, but this and Super Mario Kart were games I was playing a lot since at like 4 or 5 my older brother owned them and they’re the most baby friendly. Also remember playing a lot of PC games that my dad had, Timon and Pumba pinball, Chip’s Challenge, Ski Free, and stuff like that. Skunny Kart Racing for DOS but I never understood how to get to DOS. Favourite Company - Bioware, I don’t really care about gaming companies in general, but Mass Effect and DA:O are some of my favourite games. I might say Square as well but they do a lot of stuff. Hated Company - Ubisoft, don’t hate them all but I just feel like they only make games I have zero interest in. Depressing Game - Doki Doki Literature Club, this and creepy are kinda really similar I feel, but I went DDLC but I kinda forget how it even ends. I just remember feeling bummed about the purple and pink haired girl, and then the Monika scene just being uncomfortable (in a good way). Creepy Game - Doom3, don’t really play creepy games, Doom3 was suspenseful so I don’t know if that counts. I had it for like 2 years, played it once for like 10 hours straight, and never played it again. Still lives in my head. Happy Game - Super Meat Boy, is this a happy game? I don’t know, I feel like it’s got a pumped up energy which I equate to happiness. It’s fun and the music makes it really addictive. Favourite Ending - Metal Gear Solid, don’t really have a great answer to this. I really like Meryl and Snake riding off on their snowmobile though.

#me #looking for a sugar daddy

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joyful-soul-collector · 3 years

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Questions about me

Thank you to @nazezdha321 for “tagging” me (more of a “if you see this and wanna play you should situation but shshshssssshhhhh it looked fun ok)

1. what is the color of your hairbrush?

Blue, like my hair

2. name a food you never eat

Brussel sprouts and tomatoes. Just, no.

3. are you typical too warm or too cold?

Too cold, always and all the time, I need like 3 blankts on me at all times to make it through winter and two the rest of the year. All of this is while wearing pants and a sweater.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Talking to a friend online, still doing that haha

5. what’s your favorite candy bar?

I love chocolate tbh, probably something like kit kats? Plain chocolate is great too though

6. have you ever been to professional sports event?

Nope

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?

“Ok I’m gonna head to my room, have fun guys!” My sister’s boyfriend is here, they’re watching a movie together in the livingroom.

8. what is your favorite ice cream?

Hmmm, I really love chocolate. There’s a place in my town that has a kind with brownie bits and fudge swirled in, it’s amazing, I love that one

9. what was the last thing you had to drink?

Some water, it’s in a cup next to me haha

10. do you like your wallet?

Eh it’s alright, I mean it works. It’s a bit too big, I gotta get a smaller one, but it’s alright!

11. what is the last thing you ate?

Some tortilla soup for dinner

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope, I haven’t bought new clothes since summer, and even then it was like two shirts.

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched?

I don’t even remember, I haven’t watched sports in years. I don’t care for them and neither does my family, so we don’t watch them

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

I love super buttery popcorn. And this isn’t really a flavor, but I love it with chocolate drizzled on top

15. who is the last person you send text message to?

Uhhh I sent a message to @baloobird on discord? But I haven’t texted using like, my phone number in a looong time

16. ever been camping?

Nope, unless you count out in the backyard

17. do you take vitamins?

No, I haven’t for a while, we haven’t bought any since like YEARS ago

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship?

Nope

19. do you have a tan?

Not anymore, haven’t been outside very often at all.

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza?

Pizzaaaaaaa

21. do you drink your soda through a straw?

Yeah but just because we only buy it when we go out to eat, and they always give you soda in a cup with a straw. I haven’t drank from a can in forever, we never buy them.

22. what color socks you usually wear?

Black. I have some fluffy socks that are red and white, but I only wear them in Christmas time

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit?

Yeah but only by a few miles at most

24. what terrifies you?

The idea of old bullies coming back somehow, the idea of my family being hurt somehow, and never being able to make and keep good friends for longer than a couple years. Those are a few that I know off the top of my head.

25. look to your left, what do you see?

My teddy bear I keep on my bed for my bad anxiety days. He’s very huggable

26. what chore do you hate the most?

Hmm. I don’t like doing the dishes for sure, I have to do that every day, or sometimes every other day if there’s not many to do. Don’t like laundry or shoveling the driveway when it snows either

27. what do you think when you hear australian accent?

The movie Rescuers Down Under

28. what’s your favorite soda?

Sprite. I don’t drink soda very much, i can’t remember the last time I had something OTHER than Sprite

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit drive through?

Usually drive thru, we don’t like eating in places, even before the pandemic haha

30. what’s your favorite number?

24. No idea why, I’ve just been attached ever since I was little. When I was like 3-4 I would answer all math questions, mainly grown-ups asking me “what’s 2+2?” with 24. No clue why.

31. who’s the last person you talked to?

Online would be @baloobird, irl would be my family at dinner a little while ago

32. favorite meal?

Fettucine Alfredo... god my stomach’s rumbling just thinking about it haha, I haven’t eaten in a couple hours

33. last song you listed to?

Crumbs by Belaganas. It’s the only song by them I have on my playlist because @tracle0 recommended it to me. It reminds us of my OC Tatum.

34. last book you read?

Reread a bit of my favorite comic called Saga

35. favorite day of the week?

Saturdays, i usually get some time to myself then. I didn’t get that this Saturday though, too much work it spilled out into the weekend, but I did get a little today.

36. can you say alphabet backwards?

Nope haha

37. how do you like your coffee?

So sweet it barely even tastes like coffee.

38. favorite pair of shoes?

My mismatching red and blue converse with black laces.

39. time you normally get up?

7:30am

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise. Everything is quiet and you’re still a little sleepy and it’s probably a bit cold if you’re on the beach, and that’s perfect.

41. how many blankets on your bed?

Three because I’m a touch-starved bag of twigs that’s constantly cold.

42. describe your kitchen plates.

Some are blue and are made of plastic, some are white and made of ceramic or glass or whatever cheap plates are made of.

43. describe your kitchen at the moment.

Lots of cabinets, an old toaster oven and a stand up mixer in the corner, window over a deep sink, next to that a dishwasher. Counters are a brown marbley kind that make it impossible to tell if it’s dirty or not.

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

Not old enough to drink, nope

45. do you play cards?

Eh? My family likes 3-13 and Egyptian war, but board games are our favorite.

46. what color is your car?

We have two, both every very old. One is a red little one, the other is a tan minivan.

47. can you change a tire?

Nope, should probably learn to do that at some point

48. your favorite state or province?

I... don’t know. I’ve moved around quite a bit, live in different parts of CA, lived up in WA, now I live in PA. I’d say WA because it feels like I can relate to a lot of people there, like WA people are my kinda people ya know? And it’s so beautiful and has just so many things I love in it... But that’s also where most of my bullies were. So every time I think about it it always has that shadow because I was miserable half the time. But PA isn’t my favorite because the people here are so different from me, and CA isn’t my favorite because my extended family lives there and they’re Very Not Cool. I’ve had bullies in both those places as well too, but not as bad as WA. So uh... I don’t know, I suppose.

49. favorite job you’ve had?

Never had a job unfortunately, my parents said I couldn’t get one till after High School cuz they wanted me to focus on school, and then, halfway through my senior year, a pandemic happened. Yay Class Of 2020! Anyway, I haven’t gotten a job because if I don’t need it, I don’t want to get one and potentially but myself, my family, and other people at risk, even though having the extra money would be nice.

Tagging: @tracle0 @baloobird @jelly-pies @silver-bubbles @mysterycheerio @shadedrose01 and everyone else who wants to do it! Feel free to tag me and say I tagged you haha

#about me #tag game

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waterparksdrama · 3 years

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it doesn’t sit right with me about how you guys think you’re entitled to criticise who awsten chooses to hang out with. it’s really none of your business in the end of the day, he isn’t going to stop hanging out with his friends because people dislike them, you don’t know what happens outside of the internet so stop acting like you do. you can’t make a devine judgement on someone based off how they act online because everyone acts different online compared to how they act irl. you think you know everything about awsten and the people purely because you’ve seen how they act online but you really don’t. in the end of the day, nobody knows, so stop acting like you do. i know everyone is entitled to their own opinions but your opinions are so negative that it’s borderline toxic. did you even listen to wwhn? ‘if you really loved me you should want the best for me’ maybe you should note down those lyrics cuz if you really loved awsten then you would want the best for him, blogs like this blog are literally who motivated awsten to write the song. i don’t care if i get anon hate for this, because it’s not going to change how i feel. this blog is so plagued with negativity towards awsten that it’s borderline toxic, especially when half of your posts are about awsten’s personal life (eg; who he hangs out with) and it’s honestly none of your fucking business. and on that note, the fact that you’re criticising awsten for behaviour patterns that are usually caused by ADHD, which he has been diagnosed with, it’s low-key ableist. and before you hit me with the ‘do you have ADHD?’ yes i do, and it really doesn’t sit right with me how you criticise him for showing symptoms of it. overall, it makes me super angry how you criticise parx twitter for being toxic when this blog in general really isn’t much better.

You know what you’re right and Im sorry. I know I had been shitting on him a lot and now that Im not in the fandom as much I have seen how toxic my words have been. No I don’t agree with some of the things Awsten does and I do voice my concerns but I know it can come off as rude especially since he has already expressed how much he hate it. From now on I will be keeping my opinions to myself and I hope the best for him. I hope you understand and again I am sorry.

-blue

#i hope this makes sense I really am being sincere #and if anything I say from now on seems off and contridicts what i said here let me know #asks #lowkey-as-hell

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lady-caden · 3 years

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hi!!! 2,20,38 for the trans ask game if you’re willing 🥰🥰🥰

Yes I’m willing! Thank your for the ask!! <3

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

My figure, voice,,height,,,body,,,everything,,,,,,,,,,

But yeah i have a very hourglass figure and along with the fact I’m very short and have a higher voice I just. so many ppl confuse me as a girl. I hate it man. Some days r ofc better than others but gahhh. Physical apperences r wack.

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

To just. calm down and to not rush. When I was way younger I just. didn’t know how to feel and everything so werid and i felt disconnected from who I felt I was. As soon as I figured out what trans was I flipped and started to present masculine and tried to denounce all feminine things so quickly and intensely and it made me miserable. Wish I would’ve let myself enjoy things whether or not they were feminine or not and try to figure my identy at my own pace.

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I mainly ID as queer cuz,,,,,hard question and it’s a good word to describe how I feel. But I’m biromantic and bisexual though I’m pretty sure i’m also somewhere on the ace spectrum. Idk exactly where yet but prolly demi-are/ace or more likely abroromantic/abrosexual.(edit: i think i like the term greysexual/aceflux better still looking this stuff up and figuring that out) I feel werid using like.....micro labels but i’m trying to get used to that rn. I’d actually love to chat with some aro&ace ppl about this. Figuring this stuff out is wild! But yeah bi leaning wayyy more towards nb ppl and women, but guys r nice too lol.

And my thoughts? Idk what this exactly means but I guess i’ll give it a go. Realizing i’m bi took quite a bit of time, I used to ID as lesbian, then butch lesbian then realized that’s wasnt right and used gay instead, and even though I kinda figured i might be into guys i just,,,was scared to id as bi i guess? I knew very little lgbt ppl at that time irl and one of the lesbians i knew online at the time didn’t rlly like bi ppl, which scared me a lot to change my identity, But hey i’m glad i did!

And for being ace hhhh that’s also scary cuz for whatever reason people are trying to divide the lgbt community and exclude asexuals which. is just so so wrong, we should all be supporting eachother regardless of the individual challenges each of us get because of our identity. Its also been a very long journey to actually openingly say i’m ace cuz i just, rlly didn’t want to be. It scared me that i might never rlly feel romantic or sexual attraction and i’m still trying to process and figure that out but platonic love is just as good and i’m so happy I get to experience that. My life is filled with so much love and i’m glad for it, regardless of what type it is.

It’s also that like...idk i’m autistic and it’s kinda a big stereotype that we are too “childlike” and “pure” for sex and all that and i rlly didn’t wanna feed into that but. u know what so what if ur a sterotype, that’s not a bad thing. It’s not a persons fault for acting how they want, it’s the sterotyper that should feel bad. i know i “act childish” and have childish interests but who cares? i should be allowed to have fun and identify how i want. it’s not hurting anybody sooo

#ask #thanks for the ask!#sorry this took a while to do asdfghjkl #it took me a while to type and i was really trying to fix typos #hopefully i got most of them #i always mix up letters and words so theres a few if anythings unreadable just ask if #ig*#but yeah!#i rlly enjoyed answering these!#talonontop

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hamsterrivals · 3 years

Text

ok, so.

I made a youtube video, of me narrating Ashita no Joe episode 4.

I was wondering for awhile if it would be ok to upload a video that’s just directly an anime episode of Ashita no Joe.

I thought partly, maybe it would be ok, since that anime came out like before 1970 or something so maybe it’s free domain,

but nah. It is blocked. I can’t find the video at all.

but, that isn’t going to stop me..

I will do the impossible, (even though I am depressed, about someone I know. irl)

and narrate Ashita no Joe episode 4.

I made a whole video of me narrating it with my voice. but it’s blocked aaaa. I refuse to let it go, though.

giga..drill...breakeriswhat I’d say but I am too depressed about someone I know irl.

Ok so anyways, this was gonna be a YouTube video, especially cuz-- [had to delete the explanation] anyways here:

[deleted stuff.....] ...

anyways here:

oh shizzat its 4am I’m fluffin’ tired. so I’m just gonna skim the episode and post screenshots argh my foot is pulsating as I type that as if my entire body is thinking “wow I know you re-watched Ashita no Joe episodes again yesterday but you should watch the whole episode again its godly” I’m sorry ewotjwte its just almost 4am and I had to wake up at 10am yesterday.

the opening plays. and then:

that one guy that is like my dad reads about my stuff

Jebus freakin’ RICE I’m tired. But I need to do something productive today cuz after I woke up at 10am for my social worker I was tired and drained all day from hearing the voices of the people upstairs and the noise in the wall.

my dad I mean Danpai keeps reading the newspaper (like how in -- gah nevermind [deleted cuz I’m paranoid about what [NEVERMIND deleted the explanation]] and

my freakin’ dad I mean Danpai gets mad at Joe just like

I DELETED [can’t say] like 8 years ago cuz of that time when I [=/ Can’t say the details]

GOSH DARN IT this is just like something irl and I can’t even say what it is because I’m too paranoid about people [deleted explanation here]

ok so basically Joe is super successful and doing good things in this world but no one believes him cuz his stupid azz danpai adopted dad figure is a dumb bummie, and then

and then I wanna explain 99 lines but we’re not even 2 minutes into the episode, so I guess I have to skip some parts; I mean it is 4am after all

and then

ok so there’s this snobby lady (at the time ? perhaps she changes at the very very very very end but I won’t give any spoilers about how the very final episode goes itjewiot btw I literally watched this anime starting from the very last episode cuz someone said this series has best ending in anime/manga of all time, and then I started back at early episodes after that, when I first watched this however years ago,)

and then

yes we printed this article cuz .. you’re trustworthy and popular but Joe is just an unpopular guy who helps out orphans and gives his money away to help out orphans

ya know how when I watched the first 11 episode with [won’t say but the guy that begins with Sau and ends with ce that I was friends with for 15 years and he kept making fun of it multiple times in the chat saying “More like a shit a joe.”] well these guys are like wow Joe is a delinquent cuz he is helping out orphans

wow Yabuki Joe used an alt account or some shiz and made a complete lie to try to help society for the better like making a peaceful game and then I mean boxing I mean waterver and then

no one believes ni the main character Joe who is LITERALLY helping out local orphans; and they’re basically like just jealous of him and twisting the truth to make him look bad is what these snobby popular people are doing t hat actually have friends unlike the wondering loner Joe Yabuki,

this very popular snobby lady who actually has friends unlike ab- Yabuki Joe doesn’t care that Joe is actually being helpful and wants to make projects that will bring peace to this world, she will not give him a chance because she cares more about appearances and keeping up her reputation.

....She takes on the full pressure and responsibilty. But can she handle it?

they’re basically like “uhhh do you have [deleted in case it comes off as offensive, since I know some others that make fun of that stuff >=\ which I don’t like either cuz I get made fun of [the deleted thing] too . It shouldn’t even have to be deleted >=\ but I was in a [DELETED] and they made fun of [the deleted thing] so I guess it has to be [deleted] which is so sad for this world ??] and so

the really cool person who *doesn’t reveal spoilers of the end of the series aa* says please leave Train- Yabuki Joe to me !!

i have faith in him he totally will not somehow break this faith that I vaguely have in him and am kinda too shy to publicly admit..

I wonder what Joe is feeling like right now and doing:

s o anyways Joe keeps laughing 99 times in this episode, and, cuz he knows he’s right and just helping out orphans and people that aren’t popular and too afraid to join the b- never mind.

some of his followers don’t respond to his long rants and are like maybe he is going too far and should back down fro mthe very popular snobby lady

Yabuki Joe laughs again

he says What’s the matter with you!? Stop siding with the very popular lady that actually has friends and a good reputation who is a stuck up and like do what is right instead of what . will make people think better of you even if you know in your hear that maybe it might be wrong.

The snobby lady posted on Twit- I mean irl the anime known as Ashita no Joe the they posted a screenshot of me saying “I have family.....” and they mocked him saying “Um.... I have family too....?” as her followers mocked Yabuki Joe on twitter in the 1970s anime or something,

but family isn’t what matters, everyone has family,

what matters is that you all still have a poor reputation because you have no friends which I think is 100% ok but the stuck-up lady who hates Joe for some reason atm just cares about how they’re rich in [deleted snarky remarks] reputation.

stop caring about the dislikes and haters and appreciate the supporters that you do have;;.

yabuki Joe says F THE HATERS THIS IS Just the beginning of [would say but I wanna here but X_X; [deleted the reason why I won’t] because of [deleted] because of [deleted]]

,y gpa; s 1 million followers cuz then they at least know what is right

in this world.

and then joe is like

and then;

then he’s like yea in my heart I know its good to have that many followers cuz I know the true true truth about Yabuki Joe the anime and manga character from Ashita no Joe, he just wants that many followers to program an indie game about- I mean anyways

they say

[OK WHAT THEH ECK I SERIOUSLY DID RECORD A VIDEO OF ME JUST NARRATING THIS ENTIRE EPISODE AND I uploaded it yesterday on a video sharing site but it is blocked cuz of copyrighted content aaa even though this was from before 1970 aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa now I gotta explain in text instead of voice like I already did last night AAAAAAAAAAaa]

they say But what would you do with that much power, that many internet I mean irl followers in 197o in Ashita no Joe the anime/manga series?

and then Yabuki Joe says teh

then he’s like What the gosh darn shiz in yoshville mans,

and then

and they’re like Look Yabuki Joe lives in a Terrible place with Terrible living conditions wher e brick dust keeps falling down and then

and like Joe has no problems like getting kawaii innocent ppl to follow him, but the others are a bit suspicious.. of Joe and his behavior..

Joe is like i’m gonna build a huge online hamster game soon.

and then someone tells Abu in tumblr messages I mean they tell

Someone tells Yabuki Joe as you can see if you flippin’ watch the episode yourself (I don’t blame you. I hope someone will check this series out, though. It’s my favorite anime series, to be honest.) anyways and then someone from his fandom of - anyways someone says

He’s so full of himself.

I guess you suffer from delusions of grandeur?

the bully who is even in the same exact fandom as ab- Yabuki Joe of being an orphan says that, and because they’re so big inside, people blindly listen to them.

the true actual innocent follower that knows trainerab- Yabuki Joe is actually honest and truthful is like, wow shut the fak up brah, and then:

Then the “Are you sure you don’t suffer from delusions of grandeur?” doubtful follower who is keeping an eye on Ab-Yabuki Joe I mean and watching over him to try to keep the orphanage safe falsely then says “This is a clown. See this clown? Abu is hiring th I mean Yabuki Joe had this younger person defend him” Wow and then

one of the only innocent ppl in this show besides Yabuki Joe and a bunch of later characters in this series in later episodes that happen soon, know Joe really is telling the truth and that he really is honest and she’s pizzed awf at that hater troll person trying to Provoke joe and such on [deleted] anime & manga series Ashita no Joe the anime/manga series, and then

then they’re like, uh oh maybe Joe does have some loyal followers who know the real truth and we should hold our distance and see what he does and what he is truly like, first, and then

so, then

so then Yabuki Joe shows them their steam profile and the gam I mean the BY- I mean

Joe is like ok I played retro games my whole life and watched cool cartoons like the Rugrats and I play cool games and twisted trolls like the snobby girl try to make it look like I “change my interests to appease others” but come into my YouTube channel office and c the truth that I really DID play a lot of SNES games and then

I mean Yabuki Joe says this is my office and this is where I live,

I live in a factory that rains brick dust,

and then,

AND THEN I WANNA NARRATE THIS ENTIRE EPISODE BUT IT IS FREAKIN’ 4:35am and I gotta get up soon

I mean I flippin’ already narrated this entire episode and commented on it etc. and made a cool video of it but YouTube blocked it AAAAAAAA even tho it was an anime made in

1970 I thought it would be free domain by now and o.k. to upload a video of it to YouTube with audio commentary GOSH AAAaaaa GOSH I WANNA NARRATE THE WHOLE EPISODE

AS I SAID IN THE youtube video that is blocked on YouTube I think it is a requirement cuz like it really pejeroyjoirjyorejijioe

ok have a nice night.

#Ashita no Joe #anime #manga #Megalo Box #screencap #screengrab #screencaps #screen caps #boxing #series #1970 #best #relatable #The best series ever #imo

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