#i hate that it is technically a well-acted and mostly well written movie but IT'S SO GROSS

[circusgoth-dotcom]

telling people where sinclair's from gives me psychic damage every time

[flamingo-writes]

I’m enjoying your break down on Hobie’s character and your dedication to making sure he’s understood as being an incredible black character. He’s something so different to media and he deserves to have the depth of his character respected and acknowledged. That being said what’s your take on the way people are attributing AAVE to his character in fics? To me it’s just laziness, personally

Oh it’s definitely laziness. But I could also contribute this to ignorance.

I’m from Mexico so, English is not my first language. At school I learned American English all of elementary school and from middle school to high school I was taught British English.

I mostly consumed American media, but I was also obsessed with Harry Potter and Doctor Who. So I’ve always been exposed to both English variations and sometimes mix them when I’m either talking or writing up without even realising it (with my accent leaning more towards American).

But I’m not going to lie to you. I love languages, I like linguistics, and spend an awful lot of time noticing little details in the way people talk. And because I love accents I dedicate time to analysing accents as well as vernacular.

I think the turning point to me, personally, was when I noticed how between white Americans and African Americans there’s a difference in accent, whether is not the case between white and black people in England —or at least not that I am able to pick up through my Hispanic ears—. I think it’s curious, and there probably is an explanation as to why, that you can hear Americans talk and immediately know the color of their skin.

One time rewatching Doctor Who as background noise while doing chores around my house I noticed Mickey and Martha (both black characters) sounded exactly the same as the white characters. I knew it was Mickey and Martha because I know their voices but this is when I noticed there’s no difference in accent between them (other than regional accent). Whereas in America you have regional accent AND white and black accents (not talking about other accents here bcs it’s not the point).

Now focused on Hobie…Comic Hobie is American, hes black and he’s from New York. Granted. But let’s be real, the vast majority of the Hobie fanfics out there are written with Movie Hobie in mind. ATSV Hobie is British, specifically from London (I mean technically he’s from the city Old York, but judging by Daniel Kaluuya’s voice acting, he has cockney accent (London). And i think in ATSV’s Hobie this is particularly important because of the way he showcases being a punk. Not that Comic Hobie is less of a punk, but Movie Punk was clearly inspired by the movements origin in England. And the fact that hes black (and also from the late 70’s) only gives more punch to his ideology. Repression looks different depending on your ethnicity.

I think by stripping Movie Hobie from his original vernacular is stripping a big part of Hobie’s identity. He’s British. He hates the monarchy and the government but he likes being British, as shown in the watch he makes for Gwen. Both the watch and the box have the Union Flag on it.

He likes being British. Plus I think, a lot of the charisma in the character is shown through the way he talks. What he says and HOW he says it, and he uses a lot of English and rhyme slang. And the fact that Miles (being the viewer’s surrogate through the story) doesn’t understand what Hobie says most of the time, is yet another layer to the mystery that is Hobie. That same mystery that draws you in to the character and makes you think: “I want to know more about this guy”

I could attribute giving Hobie AAVE could be a case of lazy writing, but I can also attribute that to ignorance. I would expect the latter to be less of a case in native English speakers. But to non-English speakers it would be either laziness or a lack of proper knowledge. Also because people have proved time and time again to be ignorant in things that would seem insanely obvious to all someone else.

And maybe it’s a me thing. I take my writing seriously, and like to deeply research before writing. I do admit I barely proof read fanfics, is a bad habit I have, and sometimes typos or American spelling escape me. But I try to really stick to the character’s personality. And a big part of personality is expressed in the way we talk. So I’d say it’s important to know who you’re writing about, to properly portray they speech patterns since through talking is one of the main ways in which we show who we are to the world.

[juniperhillpatient]

Okay BEARING in mind please that I have a lot of thought out ATLA opinions (most of them can be found in the tag for my first rewatch) & also that i do not analyze smartly on first watches / read throughs of ANYTHING (examples include that on my first watch of Buffy I shipped Buffy/Xander & hated Dawn, on my first watch of ATLA I disliked Azula for a long time & didn’t care about Jet, on my first watch of Scream I wanted Dewey to be the killer because of Scary Movie. I could go on probably)

—- here are my initial reactions to ATLA LA as someone who’s been having fun watching (usually tipsy) & enjoying my faves in live action even if it’s badly written 😃

Pros:

Jet is hot

Uh… um. Uh… umm. That was my big one okay..

….

….

Oh! Oh! Suki is also hot.

….

…

I think Katara’s live action actress did a really nice job even if I don’t always love how she was written I could tell this girl put her heart into it

Same with Azula’s actress tbh. And Aang. Zuko & Iroh also. It took me a second to get used to this Iroh but acting wise ignoring the script Zuko & Iroh did good. (Sokka & Yue were only okay but they didn’t do bad by any means once I got used to them.)

Azula’s intro was super fun. I thought for a second they were even gonna do something fun with her & this whole ratting out the rebellion plot. Also the actress did good & there were a few parts that were well written like her early displays of insecurity & her beating the shit out of that trainer & shooting Zuko’s letter. There was promise until there wasn’t.

They didn’t do a bad job of combining some of the plots. “Masks” was the strongest for me. It did a nice job showcasing several plots & I really enjoyed the significance placed on Zuko valuing the lives of inexperienced soldiers. Everything just came together super well in that episode with the Koh plot & everything. Now that certain criticisms of the Omashu episodes (like Jet’s mischaracterization in hurting his own people) have been brought up to me I dislike those episodes more than on my first watch through but I still think the Freedom Fighters were fun to see. And if you don’t analyze it too hard the plot combinations are fun. Anyway why would you analyze this adaptation too hard?

Cons:

Why isn’t Azula scared of Ozai? I get it he’s forged her into the perfect weapon & she did what he technically wanted but she disrespected him publicly & he was fine? Okay.

Above mentioned explanation of why Jet wasn’t done right ^^ He shouldn’t be willing to hurt Earth Kingdom citizens. Even if it was fun to see his logic & the Jetara moments & I do think the actor did a good job (no I’m not just saying that ‘cause he’s hot. That helps though).

Katara didn’t have to struggle at all she’s just a #girlboss! Isn’t that great? #feminism!

Who’s this super serious kid who always puts the mission first & where’s my silly goofy guy who wants to go on endless side quests? The actor does decent but that’s just not Aang.

Discount Zhao 😭😂

I just -

Discount Zhao lmaoooo 😭

Overall: I had fun. I will repeat myself - this is like the Harry Potter movies or the Series of Unfortunate Events tv show or any other adaptation of something I loved in its original form that’s never going to get it quite right to me. I hated some things. I had fun with other parts. Mostly? It was just fun to see my faves in a new format. It’ll never ever live up to the original but I never in a million years wanted nor expected that. Quite frankly? I didn’t want this to be made at all. But since it is whether I wanted it or not? I’m glad it was at least entertaining & enjoyable to have fun with.

This was ALWAYS going to be an example of what I call the “Marvelification” of television. Nothing is nuanced everything is quippy everyone’s edges are dulled. I never expected anything else so I’m not even listing that as a con it’s just a given to me. Binge culture whole season releases & the endless remakes & reboots of streaming sites are the death of television. This is again just a given to me I don’t have much more to say about it right now (though I’m sure I do just not now).

The original ATLA will always mean everything to me & this was just a fun little adaptation. Like a fanfic. If it gets renewed? Sure I’ll have fun watching more. But if it doesn’t I truly don’t care. Anyway I’m sure I’ll have more thoughts eventually these are INITIAL reactions please don’t treat them like I signed this post in blood I’m just thinking out loud having just finished this show! That’s all for now lol

[ryansjane]

Women in general don’t get enough love and respect. Can you please list your favorite female-driven shows or name some of your favorite actresses so I can look them up and watch some of their shows or movies? Thank you <3

yes yes YES I absolutely can!!!

FEMALE-DRIVEN SHOWS:

p.s. I hate you: so this show hasn’t ended yet but I absolutely love it. not only is the writing, acting & cinematography on point, but it’s an amazing female-led show. in fact it might be my favorite female-led show ever?? it allows its female characters to all be messy & deeply flawed, yet the audience still roots for them bc they’re all humanized as well. their interpersonal relationships are also super well developed & this show is just a pleasure to watch, especially since it’s very much pro-women and deals with topics like sa & mental health extremely well compared to other shows. couldn’t recommend it more!

wake up chanee: more focused on comedy, wake up chanee is a great show to portray female friendship. it’s one of the funniest thai comedies & has very interesting and fully fleshed out characters. it’s not the best show ever but it will always stay to me one of the most iconic earlier thai dramas & I love it very much :) (do not watch the sequel though!)

sleepless society insomnia: despite having multiple characters it focuses on, this is definitely a female-led show since its main character is a woman & the other female main characters are imo much more explored & complex than the male characters. this is also one of my favorite underrated thai dramas & I couldn’t recommend it more in general!

the debut: so the debut is one of the most underrated thai dramas out there despite being one of my absolute favorites. with a mostly female cast, it’s an investigation into a t-pop girl group with lots of plot twists & gritty stuff. it’s a really, really well done show, and what’s interesting is that you don’t even really root for the main character by the end of the show. it’s just one of the most innovative thai dramas out there imo & everyone should watch it!

who are you: even though this is a kdrama remake so technically it’s not really a thai story, this show is a really good female-led story. there are male characters in the show but they definitely take a backseat for the female characters to shine, particularly those played by namtan & jan. also most people who have seen the original kdrama prefer the thai version so like... I’d definitely recommend!

girl next room: a romantic series centering female characters. it’s super cute, really light & the romances work really well, while also dealing with different deeper topics like depression, anxiety, inferiority complex & oversexualization.

daughters: this show sadly disappointed me with its few last episodes, but it’s still definitely one of the best female-led shows. it deals with many incredibly interesting topics around young women like oversexualization, and has very well written characters. it could’ve been one of my all time favorite shows if it didn’t fumble the bag with the ending, but it’s still a good show and extremely well excuted otherwise.

the comments: mini-series that mostly focuses around female characters who are multi-dimensional and very well acted. it’s not the most revolutionary series out there but it’s still really good imo!

46 days: while 46 days is a romance, for me the show mostly focuses on the two main characters, yingying & noina, and their friendship as well as their quest for love. it’s a really good example of female bond & friendship in a romcom and this show is in general very good :)

the underclass: this show is 99% women so it really fits the definition of female-led haha. it’s the female equivalent of blacklist, but definitely better. I especially loved the friendships in it, and while it is a pretty childish show at times & far from one of my favorites, it’s still very enjoyable.

secret seven: a woman with 7 suitors, so in terms of ratio there is definitely more male characters than female in this show, yet the female characters are definitely more developed and focused on, and there’s also a focus on friendship as well. it’s a really cute show despite me not liking who she ends up with lol!

the judgement: this isn’t really a show I would recommend bc it’s pretty fucked up & not necessarily greatly executed, but this is definitely a show that focuses on its 2 out of 3 main female characters a lot, and it also deals with a topic that women especially have learned to fear since basically birth. so if you can stomach it, give it a try. but I wouldn’t really recommend it, though I still wanted to include it in this list.

girl from nowhere: while nanno is more of a supernatural entity than a human girl, this show is still deeply feminine in both the issues it tackles and its focus on female characters. it’s also a must watch if you’re a thai drama fan in general!

shows with non female characters that still center women: 3 will be free, angel beside me, bad genius (both the movie & series), I hate you I love you, friend zone, mama gogo, remember 15

MY FAVORITE THAI ACTRESSES:

mild lapassalan: not only is she definitely one of the best actresses out there & insanely pretty, but I love how she chooses a variety of different roles, from a sex worker on the run in 3 will be free, an sa victim in the judgement, a literal fucking ghost in happy birthday to crazy fun romantic girls in girl next room & 46 days. she has the best range imo <3

pat chayanit: so I'm a simp for pat bc not only is she absolutely gorgeous on top of being a great actress, but she's been in my favorite show of all time, project s: sos, that has literally changed my entire life. I also think her acting style is quite different from pretty much everyone else & feels very natural, and I LOVE her ig page where she creates memes out of her every day life.

namtan tipnaree: once again, she’s beautiful & an incredible actress, but also I love her personality! she just seems so down to earth & sassy and I just feel like she’d be the best friend ever :)

jan ployshompoo: I’ve loved jan for a long, long while. like all of the other girlies in this list, she is gorgeous & has great acting skills, but she’s also literally the thai actress I’ve seen in the most shows. hell, she was in sotus, my first thai show ever, playing a lesbian icon! so yeah, not only does she often take on queer roles which I love, this woman is just good vibes, she’s so down to earth, so fun & so lovely, and seeing her literally always puts a smile on my face :)

jennie panhan: though jennie hasn’t had many opportunities to show off her acting, her role in 3 will be free was absolutely great & I still hope we can get more roles in this vein from her! she’s also ALWAYS slaying like... the outfits, makeup & hair are always on point <3 and she’s just so lovely & funny, idk how you couldn’t love jennie!!!

aye sarunchana: I LOVE aye so much!!! not only is she a great actress & an amazing singer, she seems like just SUCH a sweet person <3 I love her lives on ig too, and I hope she gets more famous soon bc she truly deserves it!

ciize apichaya: ciize is SUCH a cutie!!! not only do I love her style & outfits and find her super beautiful, but I honestly think she’s great actress who hasn’t gotten enough opportunities to show off her acting yet. I want to see more from her bc I just KNOW the material is there!!!

gigie sarocha: ugh, gigie is just my crush, I’m sorry. this woman is so beautiful & random af but I love how she speaks thai as a non thai-woman, I find her cadence when speaking thai so cute!!! I also think she’s a good actress but I wanna see her in more serious roles & would love to see her in a very intense, emotional scene soon!

film rachanun: film has captured my attention since her role in the debut. she clearly is a great actress & has been since she entered the industry, but I also love that she chooses very challenging & different roles every time. she has clearly wanted to push her acting further since the very beginning and I love that for her. from all the newbies I’ve seen, she’s honestly the actress I have the most expectations for :)

other actresses I love: ployphat phatchatorn, lookjun bhasidi, preen ravisrarat, mook worranit, jane ramida, kapook phatchara, neen suwanamas, puimek napasorn

xxx

[ultfreakme]

"Sure. So for Geto it's mostly that I don't like villains with a bigoted ideology and he's too incompetent to even fall in the "love to hate" category. Really, the worst thing a villain can be is incompetent and Geto in Vol 0 is barely better than your average disney villain. Doesn't help that he never gets pushback on his ideals. Gojo tells him in Premature Death that killing people is bad, but that's it. He spouts his bullshit about how genocide is totally necessary and Yuuta stands there like "idk you might be right, but you want to kill people I care about and that's the real crime here". Nobody really engages with his ideology except Yuki I guess, but that was before he became an antagonist. I could forgive that to a degree if he was at least a real threat, but he isn't. You don't get any of that with Geto, he's not even fun to hate because he barely provides any pushback. He's a bad villain and I dislike him as a person as well. His descent into embracing the superiority of sorcerers and resolving to kill all non-sorcerers was well written, but I don't feel for him at all. Good riddance to the guy, I'm glad he's now dead both in body and mind."

I was so sad, when reading this, what do you think?

Hm, I think whomever said this obviously has their own reasons for disliking Geto and I'm cool with that. I really don't want to like, argue this specifically and try to come up with something that's like "um actually, you're wrong" because this is how they view the story and Geto's character. I personally am partial to evil characters as long as I think they're fun. But I do want to engage with this, and I'm thinking that's what you want too Anon?

To break it down:

Geto's incompetent and acts like a Disney villain I understand why it can come off like that. Disney villains usually have simple, straightforward motives, the older 2-D ones acted flamboyant and show-y, in which case Geto fits into it all. I think the OP meant his reasons are shallow but I think Hidden Inventory gives you a perfect, deep insight into his spiral and how he ends up being so extreme. Geto seems incompetent but to put into perspective, he's been working on this cult for 10 years(and is rather successful), when he was fighting Yuuta, he was also technically simultaneously fighting literally every sorcerer in Tokyo and Kyoto. There's been hints throughout the movie and especially in the light novel, that Geto wasn't exactly fighting to win. He's not in his right mind like you can see it in the way he is towards the end of the fight. Gojo says Geto doesn't want to be saved. I think Geto could have survived after fighting Yuuta, he had just lost an arm and yeah that's a devastating blow but JJK characters have moved pretty well for a good while after worse injuries(Nanami was half burned and was fighting, Toji was literally speaking with his guts blown out, Todo had his hand chopped off, there's probably more I'm forgetting). Geto COULD have gotten out but as we established from Hidden Inventory, he would allow Gojo to kill him, that part stands above his own ideologies. It's subtext, but it's like Geto was giving up. He wasn't intending on winning, he even made escape plans for all his cult family members but not for himself? That's not something a man who's sure of victory does.

Geto doesn't get pushback Oh he absolutely does. No one's engaging with him on his ideologies on-screen, sure, but Geto atp is not someone you could reason with. Shoko engages with him, calls him out on how childish he is but Geto doesn't engage he straight up ignores her and just politely chuckles, he doesn't want to. It's a dead-end and that's what extremism does to you. On top of that, it's been explicitly stated that the sorcerers agree with him on some level. Nanami still respects him, Shoko worries about him, Gojo too. Because they know where he's coming from. His end goals are stupid but the starting- getting tired of being exploited and being forced to watch everyone you know and love die for ZERO credit or help, is exhausting. No one pushes back because no one can wholeheartedly oppose the root of his problems and they don't WANT to. If Geto isn't listening, and a good chunk of the adult sorcerers who can speak with him don't want to, what's the point of forcing an engagement? We as the audience know why he's wrong, it doesn't need to be spelled out in a conversation with Geto specifically. There are other parts of the story that engage with the argument itself, but Geto isn't present. Ultimately, the ideology is refuted very thoroughly by Kenjaku, Yuki and Gojo! In the anime episode where Yuuji got his heart-ripped out and is in Shoko's office about to be examined, Gojo tells Ijichi "hey, I could just kill everyone and do what I want but that's inefficient. what I can do instead is build a good, strong community of sorcerers who use trust and teamwork to change the system from within" or smthg like that. That's Gojo refuting Geto's way of working. Yuuta does say "hey back off stop hurting my friends" but like, it's obvious he's also talking about every other non-sorcerer, he's just using his friends as a launch-point. The movie shows Maki specifically because we've built an emotional connection to her, so the idea of a character we and the MC knows personally dying puts into perspective the devastation of Geto's plans. It's hard to understand the effects of killing every non-sorcerer- the scale is too big(it's why kids shows can say "we're ending the universe!" but not "I'm going to rip your mother apart limb from limb", one feels worse), so we concentrate it on one person and now we can imagine the horror every other person will feel.

Geto doesn't give pushback It's because he doesn't give a shit what others think. If you wanna join, go ahead, if you don't, well he doesn't care to convert you. Even with Yuuta, on the surface it looks like recruitment but his final plan is killing Yuuta to get Rika. He didn't even seem serious in his talk with Yuuta. Geto doesn't argue being like "hey MY way is the high way" because sorcerers aren't his final enemy. They can believe whatever they want, as long as they don't get in his way. He lets his cult members and his daughters engage with non-sorcerers and doesn't push his ideologies on them. He doesn't engage with non-sorcerers because their opinions mean nothing to him. Geto's oddly lax about his ideologies(hence the split in his cult family on whether they should respect Geto's body as Kenjaku or follow his ideals, if Geto was stricter this wouldn't even be in question). There's also the fact that Geto's self-aware enough to know that his goals are fucking ridiculous. It's why he doesn't ask Gojo to join him, or even Shoko. Isn't it odd that he points out that Gojo's very capable of following through Geto's plans, but Geto doesn't ask his bff4ever to even consider this? Gojo ASKS him "hey explain yourself" but Geto chooses not to. He's thinking of himself as this martyr who's gonna go on this dangerous, impossible path to create a world where the people he loves, the sorcerers, are safe. His cult, his ideologies, it didn't make him happy. He thought this is the sacrifice that needed to be made and he was willing to bear the burden. His ideologies are like his power; they put him above others by destroying him.

The rest is OP expressing they dislike his character and that's cool, that's their choice and me liking him or contesting this is not to change their minds, just to....idk engage with this because I think it's fun.

I like Geto because of these things. I'm reasoning all this but I know he's evil, irredeemable, but I think he's a prime example of how selflessness can go horribly wrong when you don't engage and communicate. We see how lonely he is, how isolated the JJK society makes their sorcerers. Perhaps this lack of communication and engagement with his ideologies with Geto himself in-story is intentional- I think it is because the manga's all about love and loneliness when it comes to the special grades, the distance power creates.

Thanks for the ask Anon, I think it's best to ignore people who dislike characters we like, it's always going to drive us around in circles trying to discredit or disprove them XDXD(I did this with Jiang Cheng from Mo Dao Zu Shi, and it was really draining after a while).

Geto my belove pookie princess criminal!

[whatyourusherthinks]

The Watchers Review

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

So, fun fact, M. Night Shyamalan is probably my least favorite filmmaker. Ever. I've only seen four of his movies, but I only like one of them and I know enough about the others to know I wouldn't enjoy them if I did watch them.

Um excuse me Roan, the director is this movie isn't M. Night Shyamalan. It's directed by Ishana Night Shyamalan. Oh right, I got confused because the Watchers looks exactly like a M. Night movie from the trailers and Ishana is his daughter. Seems like she learned all she knows from dear old dad. But you know what Buggnutz, I'm actually glad you brought her up. This is the first movie by a new director, so I want to make something crystal clear. Despite everything negative I am about to say about this work,

I do not think Ishana Night Shyamalan should stop making movies.

I will never be the one to squash a first-time creative's project. Unless it is hate speech or something deliberately offensive, which the Watchers is not. I just think Ishana would do well to learn from other directors as well as M. Night.

Final order of business, I've got an axe to grind with the Shyamalans, and it has to do with the most infamous parts of their movies. Yeah, I'm going to try to prove that every single Shyamalan twist doesn't work. It will be it's own section of the review, so skip that if you don't want every Shyamalan movie twist spoiled, including Devil. Because Devil sucks.

What's The Movie About?

A woman wanders into an Irish forest and get kept as pet by the Watchers, a mysterious group and they are exactly what you think they are from this description. (What? I technically haven't spoiled the movie yet.) Anyway all the captured humans try to escape captivity. Then the last 45 minutes is the sequel to this movie completely rushed.

What I Like.

The cinematography I thought was pretty cool. When Shyamalan nails a shot he nails a shot, and Ishana certainly caught on to any lessons in that regard. There's a couple emotional moments that I felt like were better than 90% of all other Shyamalan movies. And the acting is... uh... mostly better than M. Night movies. (Honestly it dips in and out of quality but M. Night has pulled a good performance like twice in his whole career so I'm letting Ishana have this one.) The character writing is definitely better than M. Night movies. No one is written to be "quirky". I guess the lead keeps talking to a bird but that made me laugh so whatever. There is also some pretty interesting imagery from time to time too. The forest they shoot in for most of the movie is very pretty.

What I Didn't Like.

Holy shit, where to even begin with this one. It is amazing to me that a movie can be, simultaneously, so bad it is funny, so drawn out I was begging for the movie end, and only two hours long. Pretty much every aspect of this movie is inconsistent in some way. The acting is fine sometimes, and sometimes it's the ol' wooden Shyamalan special. The characters aren't quirky, but they do act stupid sometimes for no reason. I'm getting really tired of writers taking the Lovecraft shortcut for their monsters. Y'know, all they have to do is say "Looking upon them will destroy your mind!" or "Erode your sanity!" or some other bullshit that means they don't have to design a monster. The Watchers are shown in some capacity but, uh, well... While some of the imagery in the movie was interesting, but the effects wildly range in quality. Not even on the lines of the type of effect. Some CGI effects look good and others terrible. Some of the practical effects are cool and others are so bad you can almost see the tape and wires. They fake a computer screen (for some reason I couldn't fathom) and it literally looks like a cartoon layered on top of a real computer. The worst part about the movie, however, is the script. The script is almost TRAGIC in how bad it is. You thought I was joking when I said the sequel to this movie is jammed into the last 45 minutes of this one, but I wasn't. The characters escape the forest, with the twist about what the Watchers are revealed, and then it goes on about another layer to the Watchers' agenda and there's a SECOND TWIST and it's all just so completely unnecessary! All Shyamalan twists are unnecessary, but to talk about it we need to move on to the part of the review where I tear apart every M. Night Shyamalan movies' twists.

The Part Of The Review Where I Tear Apart Every M. Night Shyamalan Movies' Twists.

There is a channel on YouTube called Overly Sarcastic Productions, or OSP. They make really good content, and my favorite is a show of theirs called Trope Talk. In the Trope Talk about plot twists, the host, Red, broke down the four ways a plot twist can fail. I'm going to steal that categorization to explain why all Shyamalan twists don't work. Here's the break down: The twist contradicts canon or generally makes no sense when considered, the twist is more boring than the non-twist option, and the the twist has no meaningful impact on the plot. There is fourth failure where the twist isn't as clever as the writer thinks it is, but that is literally every Shyamalan twist, so I'm instead replacing it with the twist is super obvious. If you want a more detailed run down I highly recommend watching the OSP video. Then the rest of the Trope Talk series. Then all of OSP's other videos. They make really cool and interesting content.

Anyway, I'm now going to go over every movie directed by a Shyamalan since the Sixth Sense, plus Devil because that movie is fucking stupid and is basically an M. Night movie that he just didn't direct.

The Sixth Sense: Roan, you are not about to shit talk the Sixth Sense. That movie is a classic! The twist is iconic and the best M. Night Twist there is! ...Yeah, everyone told me that before I saw the movie. Honestly, the only great thing about Sixth Sense is Haley Joel Osment's performance. The problem with the twist of the Sixth Sense is that the movie has to make up a bunch of bullshit to justify it. Ghosts perceive reality in the way they want to, so they can't see other ghosts and Bruce Willis makes himself think his marriage is failing and it's just a big load of nonsense! Yeah! I said it!

Unbreakable: Okay, time for me to fess up. I keep saying every Shyamalan twist is terrible, but there are actually 2 that I think work. And Unbreakable is one of them. This is the only M. Night movie where thinking about it doesn't completely unravel the film. So I won't spoil, since this the only Shyamalan movie I have seen that I like.

Signs: Why the fuck do people like this movie? I don't think that the twist of the Aliens being highly allergic to water ruins the movie. It's completely stupid and is a lame Deus Ex Machina to wrap up the movie, but the movie was bad before that point. Wait, Roan, haven't you heard the theory that the Aliens in Signs are actually Demons? First of all, that doesn't change the movie pulled a boring solution to the plot out of its ass. Second, this just makes allegory of the movie more obvious and stupid. Third, again, the movie was bad before the twist ending. Do you remember how M. Night wrote and directed those kids?

The Village: We're now moving on to movies I haven't seen. The twist of the Village is, infamously, the first this your mind thinks of when you hear the premise. The setting is a medieval village in the middle of nowhere and you're correct it's actually modern day. Not only does this not connect to the movie at all (you find this out at pretty much the end of the movie and all the characters decide to just ignore the fact that they know the twist) but I would argue a movie about an isolated medieval village having to deal with wood monsters is way more interesting whatever the fuck the ending of this movie was supposed to be.

Lady in the Water: Okay this one was difficult to parse out from just reading the Wikipedia plot synopsis but basically the plot of this movie seems to a massive prophecy and the twist is the people who thought they were one role in the prophecy were actually another. I mean... This just seems pointless. Most people who have seen the movie say that this twist is just in the movie so that there is a twist in the movie, but I'm also going to say it is nonsensical because reading the plot summery gave me a migraine.

The Happening: The Happening is a special kind of twist in which the twist is there is no twist. That could be interesting if it was in literally any other movie. But the explanation of the Happening is that the trees just decided to release a gas that makes humans suicidal. Really dumb, really boring, really obvious.

The Last Airbender: You may not remember, but the twist of the Last Airbender is that the Avatar isn't supposed to kill people. He's just supposed to be a icon, or something? Like every aspect of that movie, it's incredibly poorly done, so a lot of people don't even realize there is a twist in this movie. But there is. The fascinating case for this movie is that the exact opposite scenario plays on in the cartoon, so we know how boring and dumb this twist is. Also, the hero of the movie has a rule not to kill anyone? I don't know about you guys, but I assume that in every movie I go into until I'm proven wrong.

Devil: The last Shyamalan movie I've seen before the Watchers, Devil is dumb as hell! It seems like every other idea M. Night has would be better if there wasn't a twist in it, and Devil is an exemplar example. A thriller about a bunch of random people being killed one by one while stuck in a faulty elevator? Awesome idea! The culprit being the devil ruins it. Also the twist is that the old lady who dies early in the movie is the Devil and this movie has the same bullshit that the Sixth Sense has where they just make up a bunch of shit to justify the twist.

After Earth: My favorite part of the obvious twists is that they almost always are given away by the title of the movie. The twist of After Earth is it was Earth all along. This has like nothing to do with the plot either. It makes no different whether Jaiden Smith is running around on a future Earth or an alien planet.

The Visit: This is the other twist I think works. Probably. I haven't seen the Visit, and frankly, I won't ever watch it. But the twist seems to make sense, it has bearing on the plot, and isn't obvious or boring.

Split: Split being a secret sequel to Unbreakable doesn't really change the plot of the actual movie at all. I haven't seen it, maybe the rest of the movie is good, but I feel like audiences might have tapered their enjoyment of the rest of the movie since Glass sucks by most accounts. But even if it didn't would it matter? It's not until M. Night puts those characters into that next movie does it play into anything.

Glass: By most accounts, Glass sucks. Again, haven't seen it but the twist of it was the Illuminati all along is really stupid. It is also an incredibly lazy way to avoid characterizing your villains. Seriously, faceless organizations that can just do whatever they want because "they control everything" are so tiresome as a concept. I get that some people are stupid enough to think that's a real thing, but maybe we'd have less of them if movies would stop making all their bad guys shadowy masters of everything. I'm also tempted to put this twist in the obvious category, since the character who is trying to convince a guy who can crawl on walls that he doesn't have superpowers is trying to suppress public knowledge of superpowers, but I'll cut Glass a break since that seems to be dependent on how they explain it in the movie.

Old: The twist in Old is that the beach that makes you old is controlled by the pharmaceutical industry so they can run trial tests on humans really fast. This yet another villain that has all the power and can just do whatever they want because they cover up anything they want, but with the additional problem that the mechanics of the beach itself are completely contradictory and inconsistent. Plus it just exists to give a convenient wrap up for the plot. I'd say sticking to the graphic novel's ambiguity would have saved this movie, but from what I heard happens in the movie, I don't think that's possible.

Knock at the Cabin: Dave Batista was right all along and one of the gay couple should've killed themselves, their partner, or their kid. I hate this twist because it feels weirdly manipulative and kinda homophobic. I'm sure it's unintentional in the actual movie, but like, dude. The world is gonna end unless we kill one of you? That is literally an insane belief. The fact that killing a minority is the answer is pretty gross. But Roan, it's because their love was just so pure. You realize how patronizing that is to real queer people, right? Plus, again, why is just having a thriller about these characters being chased around by a cult in a cabin not good enough? YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT A TWIST IN EVERY MOVIE M. NIGHT!

And finally, we get to the Watchers. Both of its twists are bad for different reasons, so let's start with the obvious one. The Watchers are fairies. Changelings to be specific, and they are observing humans so that they can learn from them to eventually become them. This doesn't really have any significant change to the plot, it just makes the monster something we recognize. It makes it extra annoying that the movie goes for the humans can't comprehend them gambit when humans have literally been doing that for thousands of years EVEN IN THE STORY ITSELF, but then we brush up against the second twist. After the humans escape the fairy forest they have to go destroy this professor's fairy research, and it turns out that the old lady who knew all the rules about the fairies was a fairy herself! Gasp, what a- Wait does this mean she was lying about how the changelings work the whole time? And the literal hour of exposition that we got from her was entirely POINTLESS? The bigger problem with this twist is that it is pretty much the reason the ending of this movie is dragged out as long as it does.

Final Summation.

I'm honestly split here. The Watchers is an awful movie. But not only is about half of it so bad it's hilarious, but I don't really want this movie to do badly. My honest recommendation is to get kinda drunk, watch this movie to the part where they leave the forest, then stop watching. But does that mean I recommend or reject the movie? Perhaps this calls for an addition to my categorization. I am please to declare that The Watchers is the first Recojected Movie! This is basically gonna be any movie where you should see part of the movie, but definitely not the entire thing. Or a bad movie that I still think should have financial support. I'm narrowly defining it because I don't want to use this categorization too often.

Well, if there is one bright side to this whole debacle, it's that there won't be another Shyamalan project this year. The man takes his time with his ideas, he only releases once a year usu- Wait what that?

OH GOD DAMN IT.

[thebatfamfanatic]

Six Times He Met Her

Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, guy taking advantage of a minor in first chap, mention of underage smut in fourth chap, making out?, violence, mentions of blood/injury, main character death, adult language, angst

A/N: First thing I’ve written on Tumblr!! Tell me if anybody likes it, or if I broke your heart. And yes, I know I’m evil.

1-

The first time he saw you was around 2:30 in the morning. Jason was squatting on the edge of a rooftop in Gotham, surveying the dark scenery below him.

Somehow, there was still plenty of traffic on the dirty streets, plenty of cars honking and driving around. Jason always wondered who the fuck needed to be somewhere at 2 am.

He fiddled with a loose seam on the Robin uniform he sported each night, hunting down the assholes of Gotham (pretty much 70% of the city) and putting them in jail, where they belonged.

At 16, Jason Todd technically should have been in bed, maintaining a healthy sleep schedule and doing some rich kid shit during the day. Of course, his adoptive (long story) father, Bruce Wayne, richest playboy in Gotham, employed him to be his little tweety bird sidekick at night, so here he was, at the rendezvous watching the streets. yay. A scream came from an alley nearby. Jason stood, stretched his legs, and leaped down from the roof onto the ground. He pinpointed the alleyway where the noise was coming from and raced into it. A girl, about his age, had been cornered by some bitch dude who thought he could take advantage of this girl. Not on Robin’s watch.

Before the girl could scream again, the guy was on the ground and Jason was helping her up. She shakily took the hand he offered her and looked him in the eye. Shit, she had gorgeous eyes. Jason froze for a second, lost in her beauty, before clearing in his throat.

“Hi. I’m Robin, uh, you probably knew that. Are you okay, ma’am?”

He hated the squeak that came out of his mouth. He sounded like a fucking 5 year old. The girl raised her eyebrow. She had recovered rather quickly. “You don’t have to call me ma’am. I’m not some rich-ass royal whatever from Britain.” Jason liked this one. Sassy, but just so. He inquired where she lived, and she gave him the address. With his grappling hook at the ready, Jason pulled her closer to him. She jumped at the sudden closeness, but seemed to enjoy it. Maybe? He didn’t know shit about girls.

Jason shot the hook, propelling them up in the air, and landed on a rooftop. They continued this routine until he got in front of her house. It was still several seconds before he released her waist.

She started to walk towards her door, before stopping.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Sorry, what?” Jason blinked.

“I thought you were smart, Robin. Its my name, dumb ass.”

Then Y/N disappeared into her house. Jason stood there foolishly outside on her front lawn for a while, thinking about the girl he had just met. She was unlike anyone he had ever met, and he realized 10 minutes later that he had forgotten to ask about where her family was and everything.

Oh well. Bruce would be expecting him anyways. Jason shot his grappling hook and started home, still dazed from the encounter.

2-

The second time you guys met was two weeks later. Jason was just Jason Todd, a normal 10th grader living in the shadow of his (adopted) older brother Dick Grayson. Nobody paid much attention to him, and he didn’t really mind. Mostly Jason focused on getting A’s in class and then retreating into the library until Golden Boy’s after school clubs were over.

That is, until you walked in. It sounded as if you had just moved here, and for a minute, Jason felt a little sorry for you. I mean, Gotham wasn’t the greatest place to spend high school, or any grade, in his opinion.

You looked at your schedule from across the hall and then up at the locker next to him. For a second, your eyes met his and Jason was content. Lost in those brilliant colors. And then you looked away and started walking towards him. He realized just in time maybe he should stop leaning over your locker as you stopped next to him.

“Hi. Y/N. Just moved here. Looks like we’re locker neighbors.”

Jason was about to reply with “I know” but restrained himself. “Jason. Nice to meet you. Congrats on moving to this shitshow.”

He managed to not grin like an idiot as you laughed. The sound was music to his ears, like beautiful bells. God, he was being sappy.

“It’s not much of a shitshow when you’re here.” Ooh, she flirts too. Jason smirked as you opened your locker and dumped your stuff inside, pulling out the things you needed for your first class.

The first bell shrieked just as you closed your locker. “See you around, Jason.”

The small smile you gave him made his day, and he almost forgot to get to class. Yes, you were certainly one of a kind, and yes, Jason wanted you. The question was how to get to that point.

3-

You guys had a couple classes together, and frequently sat at the same table during lunch, so it wasn’t long before you were quick friends with Jason. However, the next notable time you met was a little while after he got your number.

Jason was laying on his bed, scrolling mindlessly through Tumblr as he thought about ways to ask you out.

Y/N, would you grant me the honor of going out with me? No, too Romeo and Juliet.

Hey, want to grab ice cream? He had to make it clear what his intentions were. Then it wouldn’t be weird if he kissed you, right?

Oh, god, if he fucking kissed you….what would that be like? Before Jason could start fantasizing, his fingers were flying across the keyboard and he had sent a text to you. What did he do, what did he-

Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to see that new movie this weekend. It seems like something you would enjoy.

Hm. That was actually pretty good. Where did he come up with that?

Jason had just started inspecting his fingers for some kind of sign of being possessed by smooth-with-girls-syndrome when you responded. He looked up and read it quickly.

Sure, I’d love that! Thanks for thinking of me ❤️

A heart. You had put a heart at the end of it. Did that mean you knew it was a date?

Jason sighed. He certainly hoped so.

4-

The weekend date went good. By the end of it, Jason was sure you knew it was a date. The second one passed, and then the third. The third one was when you hesitantly pecked him on the cheek. The fourth was when he kissed you actually. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was just enough for him to take you on a fourth date. An actual “will you go out with me on a date” kind of thing.

He took you to a restaurant in the fancy part of things. You two ate food that two broke 16 year olds technically shouldn’t have been able to afford, but Bruce helped Jason out.

Jason drove you home afterwards and discussed the topic of the upcoming summer during the car ride. What you were doing, where he was going. The entire time, Jason had butterflies in his stomach. He wasn’t sure how to act. Was he messing it all up, or were you actually into him?

Once he parked in front of your house and walked you up to the stoop, you looked at him. He noticed you were biting your lip nervously, and god, why did he think that was so hot? “My parents aren’t home.” It was the softest Jason had ever heard you speak, but he knew what you meant. He smiled gently, and kissed you again. This one was destined to last longer, and before either of you realized it, you had opened your door and you were leading him to your bedroom.

That night was one neither of you would forget, and by the end of it, Jason had officially asked out successfully.

5-

You and Jason spent a lot of time together after that. You met his older brother, Dick (who was very happy for Jason, too happy in his opinion) and his dad, Bruce Wayne. Bruce was cool, but very busy all the time.

By two months, Jason still hadn’t told you his identity as Robin, and he was running out of excuses. One day, you confronted him, assuming he was cheating on you. He tried everything, but he had to go out on patrol.

Jason left that night assuming you were broken up. The entire patrol, he wasn’t himself. Truth was, he loved you so much he was afraid of losing you. That had become his greatest fear. It was that night everything went wrong.

6-

You were out taking a late night walk. Down by the pier, a cold wind was blowing, and as you walked past warehouse after warehouse, you pulled your coat tighter.

You were affected as well, and confused about where you and your boyfriend stood. Did you guys just breakup? Did he love you? Did–

A scream echoed from one of the warehouses. You turned, afraid of stepping closer but afraid of leaving the person. Eventually, your curiosity won over and you climbed up several crates to peer into the window.

What you saw inside almost made you scream yourself. Robin, the hero everybody talked about, lay defenseless and bloody on the ground as a tall man-the Joker- whacked him over and over again with a crowbar.

You gasped, wanting to help, but you knew that would be foolish. You would just get in the way for a minute. Tears started to form in your eyes as Robin weakly cried out from the pain. He looked so…helpless.

Joker relentlessly beat him with the crowbar, and Robin’s mask began to come off. You rubbed the tears from your eyes just as the mask fell to the ground.

“No.” was the only thing that you could muster. Jason lay on the ground in the bloody Robin suit. Jason fucking Todd. There was your boyfriend, being beaten to death by the asshole of all assholes. That was why he kept disappearing at night, because he fucking protected the city!

You were mad at yourself for being so cruel to Jason without knowing what was really going on. You barely paid attention as Batman and Nightwing suddenly burst through the windows.

Joker laughed, and said something you couldn’t hear from the outside. Probably taunting Batman as he watched his apprentice get beat to death.

A fight broke out, Batman lunging at Joker as Nightwing rushed to Jason, laying broken on the ground. You had just enough time to duck as a Batarang came swooping out of the hands of the Caped Crusader and straight through the window you were looking through.

It was then you realized how close Jason was to death, and what you needed to do. The window pricked your jacket as you jumped through it, but you didn’t care. Gymnastics back in 6th grade helped when you landed awkwardly. Nightwing spun around, and it wasn’t hard to figure out that was Dick, which meant Bruce was Batman.

However, none of that mattered when Jason was half dead in front of you. Nightwing- Dick- made no effort to stop you as you knelt in front of Jason. “No, no, no.” You cradled his head in your hands, trying hard not to recognize how limp his body was, and how his chest barely moved as he struggled to breathe.

Jason’s eyes were closed, tears running down his face silently. You were crying as well, mumbling curses and things that made no sense.

“Please, don’t be dead. Please, I-I love you.”

You watched Jason make no acknowledgement he could hear you, watched him breathe once more. His chest rose and never fell.

You screamed and buried your head in his costume, not caring about getting blood on your face. Dick pulled you away wordlessly, out of the warehouse. You barely registered that the warehouse exploded behind you a few seconds later.

Dick let you sob into his shoulder for what seemed like hours. Him and Bruce exchanged a short conversation, both riddled with grief.

Six times you and Jason had met, and that was the last.

[sugar-petals]

can you give us more thoughts about domestic yoongles? the taemin's one (wich I love) just made me miss the cat boy so much ;o;

i have a phd in househusband yoongi so let me fire out some ideas for ya.

myg at home headcanon

🐱 word count. 1.9k | fluff, slice of life, slight nsfw mentions, x reader, bullet points

The doorbell sound is a recording of Yoongi imitating a doorbell. He’s such a meme. Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

Seemingly, he teaches himself a new recipe every week. To perfection. Yoongi is very particular about sticking to the recipe and wielding his kitchen tools in the right way. He collects knives, olive oil, and still hates cutting onions.

He separates sleep time, work time, and couple time as the holy trinity. For each, he switches his mood.

Blushes easily no matter for how long you’ve been together.

Establishes his own radio show where he DJs at one point.

Yoongi keeps an extreme track on the garbage schedule. He knows exactly what is due when. Separating the trash is a must. That includes sorting out fake friends trying to get between your relationship. Your social circle as a couple is extremely deliberate.

Yoongi deems himself a terrible host for guests. Unless Hoseok is there to drag him out, it's true he rather stays in the kitchen or at the barbecue preparing the menu courses rather than making small talk. He leaves the hospitality bits to you, however you want to go about it.

What he lacks in conversing with guests, he makes up in bed, God is absolutely fair.

He sings and hums pretty often and has his own vernacular of extraterrestrial uwu noises. It's an alphabet that you have to yet decipher but it's incredibly cute.

Self-made paintings everywhere around his house. 

Yoongi hasn't gone clubbing since grammar school. The most he does is going to a restaurant at lunch with very close friends. And always in a work context. His private life is so secluded from everything else and paparazzi just don't spot him anywhere, Dispatch thinks he must live abroad.

Very well, he does consider his big ole house a separate country. It's a living organism with a studio, gym, trophy room, small-size basketball court, and vastly equipped kitchen. A home theater as well, he likes American movies (like Inception) and Korean action genres, and you can stream whatever you fancy in there whenever you like. 

Yes, he has underwear with cute little bears on.

There's even a little pond in the backyard. Yoongi, Pisces he is, likes fishes after all. Sometimes he sits at the edge of the 'Little Ole Min Lake (LOML)' and stares into the water for literal hours with his chin parked on his palm.

His fridge is so high-tech and futuristic, even Yoongi is rendered clueless by its AI sometimes. The washing machine, too.

Yoongi watches RuPaul’s drag race. What did you expect? He finds it so humorous.

Owns lord knows how many comic collections.

Favorite holiday destination: New York.

Christmas is basically 50% you unveiling new music equipment to him in the garage and Yoongi almost fainting at the sexiness of it. The other 50% is spent holding hands and orgasm after orgasm until the new year since you loose track of time.

Goes on long rants why he’d marry you again every weekend.

Making you presents is his specialty. Always accompanied with a hand-written note. He writes a lot of things by hand for you in general. Texting, basically never. Always on paper.

No sex without a blanket and socks on. Yoongi gets cold very very easily and just doesn’t like showing skin. You buy him a heated blanket for his birthday, he even uses it in his studio chair.

Chronically addicted to making out.

Matching black outfits and glasses.

Laughs at even your worst jokes or phrases you didn’t expect you even uttered.

Yoongi owns the phoniest, most secretive-looking black car ever and nobody knows about it. Even he forgets he owns it, in fact he genuinely acts like it just doesn’t exist. Hilarious. And that guy has a level 1 Korean driver's license. Which allows him to drive trailers and busses and fucking trucks, and construction machines, let that sink in.

It's really a genius curse. Yoongi being put to the test will always deliver but he won't choose to execute his full skillset if he doesn't have to. Well, pragmatic. He's not as phony as he thinks he is, which is even more hilarious.

He uses that behemoth of a car so scarcely because he'd rather have things delivered to his doorstep and he's stingy with gas. Also, he doesn't like traffic and driving because of the traumatic shoulder accident and his tendency to space out. Translation: You drive that thing... that monster... it really is an impressive, fast, and scary machine. 

If someone devious ever even remotely manages to invade his privacy and get past the doubly-installed security system, he has enough money to deal with it no matter what.

If it concerns your privacy, he's a red belt. And owns Jin's number if a taekwondo master is required. Jimin's if it needs someone with kendo skills.

If Yoongi needs someone to go on a complete rampage, Jungkook lives just down the block. He can sprint to Yoongi's bunker I mean mansion within 45 seconds. 30 if it's very urgent. 20 if the reward is an instant ramen splurge with Yoongi's black card.

He has a sexy, glamorous sword collection hanging on the living room wall anyways, so. Who the hell is dumb enough to mess with him and his expensive lawyer in the first place.

But just in case, who knows... Yoongi settles matters shruggingly, anonymously, and with cash and he's too exhausted for violence, but don't underestimate his deter-min-ation and network for emergencies. Also, he is Agust D after all.

He will bonk a naughty burglar or kidnapper across the head with a wooden cooking spoon or take him down by throwing a basketball if the situation requires it. Damn, his reflexes are so fast, a feral cat in motion. So, lean back and sip on your drink of choice. Things are cared for.

If Yoongi is the one being kidnapped or a highly skilled stalker invades the property at night when he's fast asleep (nothing can wake this man during certain hours, strong REM right here): Don't forget that honeyboy is a Dodgers fan. There are signed baseball bats everywhere in this damn house.

In that sense, your parents visiting you here for the first time thought you were an undercover thug couple. Not to worry mom and dad, you both just like sports very much okay.

Yoongi walks around in all black clothes and the rooms are all seemingly dark. Even if you live together, you don't know his skin care routine. It's clear to you he's some sort of vampire.

Since Yoongi always forgets to remove his makeup, you made it a habit to wipe it down when he's about to pass out. He won't lie, he enjoys that kind of affection.

Holly is your resident child. You're essentially a family.

He insists to tackle this by himself, Yoongi sees his therapist monthly. Not shifting responsibility is something he's stubborn about and he pours his emotions into writing. You will do conversation about deeper stuff, but he says it's mostly up to him and his own mind. He dislikes burdening you or opening up too much and it's something to respect rather than force him about. If he wants to share a thought, he will. It doesn’t mean he can’t trust you or sucks at communicating (we know that he’s direct). Yoongi simply can’t put that much pain in such few words nor should you alleviate it for him.

Calls from the manager faze Yoongi as much as Jimin is bothered by gravity. If he’s busy kissing your body slow mo, who the hell dares to disturb his worship. 

This man had so many let-downs and interpersonal catastrophes in his life, he's super discerning with people. Because he rolls that way, during their first meeting Yoongi uses his psychology certificate on your friends. You see him squint at them, he listens very closely. After they pass the vibe check aka meow radar, he befriends them, too.

Yoongi doodles Grammy trophies everywhere to manifest them.

Yoongi shaves his legs.

All the sex toys he’s ever bought are black. Gotta vibe in style.

He spends ridiculous amounts of time in the studio but he's yours for the remainder of the night, breakfast, and he makes a lavish lunch and dinner.

Um, consider his head parked between your legs. The Hongkong line was not a joke.

Doesn’t mind you squishing his cheeks whenever and for how long you like. 

Every other weekend he gets flowers, vouchers, and gifts — not because of fans, they don’t know where his house is, but because he donates so much.

Namjoon often drops by and cleanses the area with his crystals.

Yoongi is a photography major so you can ask him to take professional, ceiling-high black and white shots of you.

Feeding each other food lovingly. Man, this guy got lips.

He set up a library just for you, in the exact historical aesthetic you like the most. Send him the link to any book you want, it's basically in the online shopping cart already. As I said, he wants to make you presents like every week.

Sometimes he sits on the other end studying English videos and vocab while you read. And yes, he's already 95% fluent but pretends being merely intermediate. He knows technical terms even native speakers have never heard of.

He collects pajamas and earrings.

Swears on the phone.

Namjoon being the horniest member is a cover-up story. Yoongi masturbates almost unreasonable amounts of times, by himself and in your arms when going to bed. Not gonna lie, it’s a sight to see his hands at work. He’s almost equally obsessed with fingering you once you ask him.

Yoongi was the one asking you to move in and almost had a nervous meltdown before meeting up with you to tell you just that. 

He’s the little spoon and of course a sleeping burrito to hold tight.

Finds you equally attractive in any state or styling. Yoongi practices what he preaches, he always reacts the same and says the same. 

Jams out to outrageous beats Namjoon sends him by dancing in the studio. You walk in on him every time. Was embarrassed at first, now you dance along.

Has bought you a life-sized Yoongi pillow and customized you a giant Shooky to hug when he’s not at home over night.

Owned a wine cellar until he quit drinking. Turned it into a piano room instead.

Only you know Yoongi has a serpent and dagger tattoo.

Scrubs the bathroom religiously.

The house smells like restaurant food and his extravagant perfumes half of the time.

Sometimes he has to remind himself he’s married to you and not his coffee machine. He shall be forgiven. You can’t complain that he doesn’t love you enough, nor is he ever not adorable when drinking his latte.

Never wears short sleeves. It can be scorching and he’ll wear a jacket. 

Tell him and the cap stays on during sex.

He grows his hair out and puts it in a low bun. The bangs remain.

Yoongi has installed the most fire-proof building in the entire city it seems. That he wanted to be a firefighter when he was young definitely shows. Figures the house has to be protected from heat: His blasting studio music and Yoongi himself are just way too sizzling.

Still melts into a puddle when you kiss his nose.

Couple sunrise watching. 

© submissive-bangtan 2017-2021. all rights reserved. do not repost or translate. all depictions fictional.

[companionjones]

Twilight Rewrite Companion Jones Style

Fandom: Twilight (Movies)

Pairings: Edward Cullen x Reader, Rosalie Hale x Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen x Jasper Hale, Esme Cullen x Carlisle Cullen

Warnings: Abuse, Cursing, Extreme violence toward the Reader, Edward’s still centuries old and Reader’s still a teenager, This is so fucking long

Author’s Note: I have a weird relationship with Twilight. When the movies were first coming out, I was in middle school. I went to a very small middle school, and the group of girls that I was stuck being “friends” with since I was 4 years old were not very nice to me. I didn’t know they were straight up bullying me at the time, but I still took it upon myself to quietly hate everything that they liked. Twilight was their obsession. Their love grew to the point where this group of 11-12 year olds intensely pretended to be vampires themselves for 2 years (which honestly is nothing out of the normal for girls that age). Because they loved Twilight so much, I absolutely hated it. It didn’t help that I once had bruises on my wrist because one of them bit me there.

    Fast forward to 8th grade. The girls I was still sort of friends with had mostly fallen out of their old obsession. Yet, Twilight found it’s way back into my life. Up until that point, I had only read Babysitter’s Club, Magic Treehouse, and Dork Diaries. The first YA books I ever read were Twilight. This was because of my mother. She’s an avid reader. Somehow, Twilight is one of her favorite book series. She’s read all 4 books 4 times. Upon realizing that I was getting into reading myself, she practically (lovingly) forced me to read them. I read them the second half of my 8th grade year, and the first half of my freshman year (I didn’t usually read during the summer). I guess I liked reading them because, after all, they were still my first heavy reading books I’ve ever read. But even while I was reading them I still didn’t like Bella. I still found her annoying. Not as annoying as the movies, but still annoying.

    As I got older, I became more and more aware that I wasn’t the only person who didn’t like Twilight. They were actually objectively bad movies. Because I was into Tumblr and Fandom in general, I was vaguely aware of how they Twilight fandom thought and acted. Most of them hated Twilight just as much as I did. But they still got so much love out of it. I liked that.

    I decided to watch the first movie again a few months ago. I had been fighting the urge for a while. The bottom line was that I went through a small Robert Pattinson phase, and how can you go through a Robert Pattinson phase without rewatching Twilight? While rewatching it, a scene popped into my head that you will read in this rewrite. I won’t give it away because it’s technically a spoiler. From that scene, the whole rewrite started to develop in my head, and it wouldn’t leave me alone until I started writing it down. So, here we are.

    As of right now, this rewrite will only be the first movie. Because of that, I will not be including Jacob or any of the wolves. They don’t play that big of a role in the first movie, and it’s less for me to write. I really hope I won’t rewrite the other movies as well. Rewrites are a lot of work.

    This has been the longest Author’s Note I’ve ever written. Let’s get into the story.

*******

    Man, the internet wasn’t kidding when it said that it was almost always cloudy in the state of Washington.

    My dad decided to move us to a small town called Forks of all places. I remember him mumbling something about his cousin giving him a house here for cheap.

    His room is on the first floor of the house while mine is on the second, and they’re on totally opposite sides of the house. So, that’s nice. And it’s not like I’ going to argue against him about moving, anyway.

    Everyone’s staring at me on my first day of school. I must be their only source of entertainment, being the one new kid in a small town. I’m not a fan of their stares.

    With enough death glares, I manage to get most people’s eyes off me by lunch. That is, until I feel yet another gaze burning a hole into the side of my head. This one is more intense than the others. That doesn’t stop me from whipping my head in its direction.

    The source takes me off guard, though I try not to show it. He is unbelievably handsome, and he is sitting at a table filled with equally attractive individuals. His stare is unflinching. He’s staring at me like I’m an enigma. Like I don’t belong.

    First of all, what the fuck. How rude do you need to be?

    I send him back a look that obviously says, ‘What are you looking at, asshole?’ and that gets him to focus back on his food.

    The next time I see him is Biology. I didn’t think it was possible to happen so fast, but my opinion of him drops even more.

    I catch his name from the teacher when he asks me to sit next to him. Edward. It’s nice to put a name to the gorgeous, yet completely inconsiderate boy.

    Throughout the whole class, it looks like he is going to throw up. He makes it obvious enough that it’s apparently my fault. Does he have a sensory problem or something? Literally no one has ever reacted to me this way.

    He’s so anxious to get away from me that he takes off a second before the bell rings. Asshole.

    I run into him again at the guidance office. He’s trying to get out of Biology, the class he has with me. They deny him, and he rushes past me, mumbling he’ll “just have to endure it.” Asshole!

    Late that night, I’m crying in bed when I hear a sound at the window. It scares me. I go check it out. It scares me even more when I a m reminded that my windows don’t have locks. At least my door has a lock and I’m on the second floor. Who would climb to the second floor of a house just to get to me? Who even could? To able to sleep, I tell myself that the sound was just something random made by a house I’m not used to. Unexpectedly, I dream of Edward.

    He’s absent for the next week of school. When he does show, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

    He tries talking to me. “Hello.” Awkward start. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to introduce myself last week. I’m Edward Cullen. You’re Y/n L/n?”

    I can’t believe my ears. “You’re talking to me now?”

    Edward doesn’t get a chance to respond. The teacher starts talking. He instructs us to identify some stages of mitosis. Edward offers me the microscope.

    “I’m glad I’m smelling better today.” I passive-aggressively remark, peering into the scope. “Prophase.”

    As he scribbles my answer onto the worksheet, he scrambles for an excuse. “Oh, you thought that was about you? No. I had a bad lunch that day.”

    “One bad lunch has you out of school for a week?” I sarcastically wonder. “Anaphase.”

    He responds, “I had...food poisoning.”

    “Right. And what I saw in guidance?” Admit you fine me repulsive. “Metaphase.”

    Worst rationalization yet. “I just don’t like this class.”

    That marks the end to the little back-and-forth we had going. The thought crosses my mind that maybe I shouldn’t have grilled him, but he was behaving like an asshole, so I returned the favor.

    Though, again, he is acting very different today. A lot more positive. In an attempt to change the subject, he even asks me, “So, are you enjoying the rain?”

    “You’re asking me about the weather?”

    “Yeah. I guess I am.” He seems almost as surprised by his actions as I am.

    I decide to play nice. “It’s definitely something to get used to. Do you like it?”

    He chuckles. It must be some kind of inside joke with himself. “I have no choice.”

    “Who were those people you were sitting with at lunch? Your friends?” I keep the conversation going.

    Edward smiles. “They’re my siblings,” he explains, “Well, adoptive brothers and sisters, but we’ve been together so long that it feels no different. Y’know?” He clearly loves them very much. He also has a smirk on his face that tells me we’ve run into another one of his inside jokes. I wonder if his family understands them.

    “That’s really nice that you’ve found each other.”

    He continues, “None of it would’ve been possible without Carlisle, my adoptive father. He brought all of us together.”

    For the first time, I smile at Edward. Maybe I was too hard on him. Maybe he was just having a bad day when I met him. I know all about those. He doesn’t seem too bad, now that he’s opening up.

    The way that his faces, I can tell he’s not used to sharing this much this fast about himself. It’s sweet. He focuses more on the project we’re working on.

    When class ends, Edward follows me out into the hallway, and I manage to get him talking about his family again. “So your sisters are Rosalie and Alice, and they are respectively together with your brothers Emmett and Jasper?”

    He shrugs, “I know it sounds weird, but--”

    “No, it’s fine,” I reassure, “I mean, yeah, this is a bit of a gray area, but you all weren’t raised together. So I think that makes it alright.”

    He smiles. I think people at this school look at them like outsiders. Having someone listen and understand must be refreshing to him. He clears his throat, and tries to steer the conversation off of himself. “So, why did you move here? Your parents couldn’t have made you move and change schools for no reason.”

    We arrive at my locker. “Well, it’s just me and my dad. My mom died in child birth.” I’m okay with sharing this bit about myself because he’s spent the last 45 minutes giving me his life story.

    Unsurprisingly, he is shocked and empathetic. “Oh, my god. I am so sorry.”

    “It’s okay,” I brush off. I can’t help but smile at his heightened concern. “It’s not like you could have known...Hey,” my smile fades, “What’s with your eyes?”

    It’s like he knows the answer, but wants me to say something different. “What do you mean?”

    “I thought they were, like, dark brown or something, but now they’re light ember--”

    He’s quick to cover. “It’s...the fluorescents.” And just like that, he’s turning away from me and walking towards the exit.

    Okay, looks like we’ve wandered back into rude Edward territory. Did I say something wrong?

    Outside of the school, I see him again. He’s with his siblings. They’re on the other side of the parking lot. They’re all staring at me. I stare right back. I so hard, in fact, that I don’t notice an out of control van coming right for me until it’s honking its horn and it’s too late.

    Or, it should’ve been. Edward’s suddenly next to me. I can swear on my life he pushed that van back with his hand.

    I ask him the first thing that comes to mind, “Are you okay?”

    He’s incredulous, “Of course I’m alright, are you--?” He’s been looking at the van this whole time. When he turns to me, he flinches back because we are so close.

    “How did you do that?” Finally, I ask a smart question.

    He doesn’t answer, pulls away from me, and leaves just as the swarm of people starts to gather. I can still feel his hand on the small of my back.

    Let me tell you something. Never have I ever liked hospitals. All they remind me of is my mother and pain. I want to get out of here as soon as humanly possible.

    I’m sitting in an examination room when an important looking doctor comes through the door. The second he lays eyes on me, he looks confused and concerned. It makes me uneasy. When he comes closer, I read his name tag. “Carlisle--Mr--Dr. Cullen.” I inwardly cringe at how many corrections I make.

    He smiles. He seems to find my slip-ups endearing (I only find them embarrassing). “It’s nice to meet you too, Mx. L/n, though I wish it was under better circumstances. Edward goes on and on about you at home.”

    “All good things, I hope.” Edward talks about me to his family? “Does my dad know I’m here?” I ask while Dr. Cullen is examining my eyes.

    He finishes that, then checks my chart. “No, it doesn’t appear he’s been called yet. My apologies. We’re quite busy today. I could call him right now, if you’d like--”

    “No, that’s okay. I don’t want to worry him. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with me, right?”

    He studies me for a moment. “Well, you might experience some post-traumatic stress or disorientation, but your vitals look good. No signs of any head trauma.”

    “Good. So, I don’t see any reason to call my dad,” I shrug. “I’ll catch the bus, or something, and won’t drive home, okay?”

    He still seems hesitant.

    “Look, I’m just embarrassed. I had plenty of time to see the van coming, but I didn’t react,” I explain. I skip past the ‘I have no idea how’ part, and go right to “Your son probably saved my life. I just don’t want my dad making a big deal out of nothing.”

    Surprisingly, it’s bringing up his son that gets Dr. Cullen to leave me alone.

    On my way out, I see Dr. Cullen again. He’s talking with Edward and one of the other siblings, Rosalie, in a hallway. They catch me eavesdropping. 

    I ask, “Edward? Can I talk to you for a minute?”

    Rosalie and Dr. Cullen disperse, and Edward makes his way over to me. “What?”

    “What?” I repeat, expectantly. I decide to take the calm route. “How did you do that?”

    “Do what?”

    I don’t like Edward playing dumb. “Move across the parking lot so fast,” I clarify.

    Now, he’s obviously feigning light-heartedness. “What are you talking about? I was standing right next to you.”

    “No, you weren’t.” My words hold no malice. “I know that because I was having a staring contest with you and your family. I blinked, and suddenly you were holding me.”

    He looks away from me, trying to come up with something else. “Listen, you hit your head. You’re confused.”

    “Don’t pull that with me.” I’m not having it. “I saw you stop the van, too. You pushed it away.”

    “Well, nobody’s going to believe you, so...” He tries to play it off here, like this conversation doesn’t mean anything to him, but I can see it in his eyes. He’s scared. Scared I’m going to tell everyone I know about this secret he has.

    I’ve been leaving against the wall this whole time, but I straighten myself when I see how serious this is for him. “I’m not going to tell anyone,” I say, looking straight into his eyes. “I just want to know.”

    That’s when I see it. He starts to scowl. “Can’t you just thank me, and get over it?” He’s being rude to me again. But I see that now, and every other time he’s been like this, he only acts this way because he’s scared to let anyone get close. He’s scared to let me get close.

    “I’ll thank you, but I’m not getting over it.” My tone is teasing, but there’s so much truth behind it.

    Edward storms off, and I watch him go.

    I get a couple days off due to the hospital visit, so the next time I see Edward we’re going on this biology field trip.

    I’m about to go up to him, but this random kid comes out of no where and. It scares the hell out of me. Edward’s scowling at the boy, and I soon find out why because the boy asks me to Prom. Edward isn’t scowling because of that, no. I don’t know how Edward notices it before I do, but the kid’s asking me out on a dare. He and his friends probably thought it’d be funny for him to ask the loner to Prom. A couple of boys by the bus start laughing as soon as this kid gets out the question, and even he looks like he’s holding back a smile.

    Edward looks like he’s about to kill every cruel participant of this equation, but I speak up before Edward gets the chance.

    “I’m sorry, I won’t be able to make it.” No, I’m not done. “Also, if I went to Prom with you, I’m afraid I’d be smelling like wet dog for the rest of the year.” I leave him there to find a seat on the bus.

    Because no one else would sit with me anyway, and Edward got on the other bus with Alice and Jasper, I end up sitting alone. I try not to mind.

    “I’m sorry that kid was such a jackass,” Edward suddenly apologizes at a greenhouse, the destination of the field trip.

    Deciding not to bring up him avoiding me by getting on a different bus, I brush off, “It’s fine. I wasn’t planning on going to Prom, anyway.”

    His gaze grows inquisitive, but I ask a question before he can.

    “You going to tell me how you stopped that van yet?”

    “Yeah. I had an adrenaline rush. It’s very common. You can Google it.”

    I stop and peer at him. “That was the most rehearsed statement I’ve ever heard.”

    Edward rolls his eyes. “Whatever.”

    I scoff and try to walk away from him.

    Outside of the greenhouse, he’s next to me again. “Look, I’m...I’m sorry that I’m being rude all the time, I just think it is the best way...Y/n, we-we shouldn’t be friends.”

    “You’re the one who keeps walking up to me!” I yell, “Oh my god, just say you regret saving me, and leave it!”

    For what I think is the first time, something I say causes him to freeze completely. “You think I regret saving you?”

    “You make it obvious enough that it’s apparently caused you so much trouble.”

    He clenches his jaw. “You don’t know anything.”

    Cutting through the tension, Alice suddenly appears between us. “Hi! Um, are you going to be riding with us?”

    Edward backs away from me and bangs on the bus door to get the driver to open it up. “No, our bus is full.”

    He approaches me again at lunch the next day.

    I try to keep my head down and ignore him, and I curse myself when I drop an apple.

    He kicks it up with his foot and catches it. “Hey, Y/n.”

    “Alright, that was really fucking cool,” I admit, trying to hide a smile. “But that doesn’t mean you and I are buddy-buddy now. I’m still mad at you. And anyway, what are you even doing, talking to me? I thought you didn’t want to be friends.”

    Edward sighs, “I only said it’d be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be. If you were smart, you’d stay away from me.”

    “Okay, two things.” I put down my lunch tray, and turn to him. “Like I said yesterday: you’re the one that keeps coming up to me. I’m not complaining. I want to be friends with you, too. But then we come to the second thing: Stop saying belittling comments like that to me. ‘If you were smart?’ ‘You don’t know anything?’ Stop saying things like that to me.”

    He reels back. “I’m...sorry.”

    “It’s okay. I know why you do it.” I go on to explain how I’ve picked up that he’s only rude to me because he wants to push me away. “Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask once I’m done.

    He thinks for a moment, then responds, “You can read me so much easier than I can read you. You know that?”

    “No, but it’s nice to know,” I smile.

    The rest of the day passes just fine, the only real problem happens after school. I miss the bus, and I’m walking home when the same kid who jokingly asked me out to Prom approaches me. His buddies are with him.

    I’m alone, so the looks in their eyes scare me.

    “Wet dog, huh?” the main kid sniggers. “You don’t wanna get to close to me ‘cause you don’t wanna smell like wet dog?”

    “Listen,” I take a few steps back, “I only said that because you and your asshole friends thought it’d be funny to--”

    “Oh, so you think we’re assholes?” another one of the guys growls.

    One of them reaches out, but I catch his arm and knee his groin. “Don’t touch me!” I scream. I don’t think I’m going to get out of this.

    Suddenly, a car comes screeching in out of no where. Edward hops out of the driver’s seat. “Get in the car,” he orders, and I am just so relieved to see him.

    Once inside, I’m a witness to the still unfolding scene. Edward must be having words with my attackers because they all back away in fear.

    “What did you say to them?” I ask as soon as he gets in the car, but he’s too angry to respond.

    A minute or so of extremely reckless driving later, Edward has us back on a street. He gets out, “I should go back there, and rip those guys’ heads off.”

    “No, you shouldn’t.” I have no choice but to reason.

    He’s shaking with rage. “You don’t know the vile and repulsive things they were thinking.”

    “What? And you do?”

    He pulls back. “It’s not hard to guess.” After a moment of lapse, his hand starts tightening around the steering wheel again.

    “I’m fine,” I reassure. “Look at me, I’m okay.”

    Edward glances at me to confirm my words. He breathes a little easier then. “Let’s just talk about something else...”

    I keep the conversation up until Edward pulls up to some restaurant. “What are we doing here?” We had been talking about how bad the school lunch was today.

    He shrugs, “Well, I know you didn’t eat much at lunch today. You must be hungry.”

    “Yeah, I guess...”

    “Come on, my treat.”

    “Wow, the servers are very friendly here,” I comment, making a joke about how our waitress was practically drooling over Edward.

    He seems embarrassed by how she acts around him.

    “Are you sure you don’t want to eat? You must’ve had just as much food today as I’ve had,” I point out, already digging in.

    His lips twitch up. “Trust me, I’m good. I’m on a um, special diet.”

    Another one of his inside jokes. It’s been a while since we’ve run into one of those.

    Things are quiet between us for a bit, and he’s just watching me eat, so I decide to inquire, “So, how often do you talk to your family about me?” I’m only teasing a little bit.

    Edward almost looks alarmed. “How do you know that?”

    “Relax.” I don’t know why he’s so worked up. “Your dad knew who I was when I went to the hospital after the almost-accident.” I see him flinch at the reference to it. “I was just wondering if you’ve told your whole family about me.”

    “Of course I have,” he assures matter-of-factly.

    Sometimes, he can be so cryptic. “Okay,” I break, “You have to start giving me some answers.”

    He looks annoyed. Then, he chuckles, “Yes, no, to get to the other side, uh, 1.77245--”

    “I don’t want to know what the square root of pi is.” I’m starting to get impatient.

    He furrowed his brow. “You know that--?”

    “Eddie!” I push, “That’s not the point of this conversation.”

    Another smirk takes root on his lips. “Eddie?” he repeats.

    I give him a look that makes him apologize for continually changing the subject. Then, I patiently ask, “Did you follow me today?”

    “No,” he lies.

    I get up from my seat.

    “Wait.” Edward catches my arm. “Don’t leave...I feel...very protective of you.”

    I sit back down.

    Edward continues. “I was trying to keep my distance unless you needed my help. Then I heard what those low-lives were thinking--”

    “You can read minds?”

    His mouth shut. He wasn’t supposed to say that.

    It would explain a lot. How he figured out those assholes were tricking me before I did, how he knew I was about to be attacked.

    Edward decidedly goes on, “I can read every mind in this room...apart from yours.” He lists some thoughts he’s hearing from around the room, then his eyes come back to me. “And with you, there’s nothing. It’s very frustrating.”

    “So that’s why you were giving me the death glare my first day of school,” I realize, “You were trying to read my mind.”

    He cringes, “I was staring at you kind of weird, wasn’t I? Sorry.”

    “It’s okay,” I assure and lay a hand on his arm. “I got used to your weird.”

    A real smile prods at his cheeks.

    “So, why do you think you can’t read my mind?” I continue, “You think there’s something wrong with me?”

    Edward starts to laugh. “I tell you I can read minds, and you think there’s something wrong with you.”

    I start to laugh, too. It feels nice to finally be a part of one of his inside jokes. I drop my head, and when I look back up at him, his smile’s faded.

    “What is it?” I coax out of him.

    He is tortured. “I don’t have the strength to stay away from you anymore.”

    “Well, that’s okay, because you weren’t doing a very good job of it in the first place, Eddie.” If he can derail the conversation, then I can break whatever intense mood he’s got going.

    I get him to smile again. He asks, “So, that’s what you’re calling me now? Eddie?”

    “What? I like it.”

    The ride to my place is quiet, but still comfortable. Eddie’s cranked the heat up because I shivered once. I’m almost sweating now.

    “Okay, that’s enough of the heat.” I reach to turn it off, and Edward touches the dial at the same time I do.

    He’s freezing.

    “How are you still cold?” I inquire in a reaction.

    Eddie doesn’t answer me. He keeps his eyes glued on the road. He’s clearly uncomfortable by the question.

    I take a deep breath. No time like the present. “How about you just tell me now? It’s not like I won’t believe you. You’ve told me you can read minds tonight.”

    He’s anxious. His eyes dash from the road, to me, and back to the road. “What are you talking about?”

    “Eddie, I’ve known something was up since the almost-accident.”

    His head snaps to me. “Would you stop referring to it so passively? You could’ve died!”

    “But I didn’t because you were there,” I softly remembered, “You ran across that parking lot within a second and stopped that van with your hand. Your eyes change color. You’re still freezing, even though the heat’s been going since we got in the car. Do you want me to go on?”

    Edward tries to say something, but he stops himself.

    “Okay.” I take it as an invitation. “You don’t eat or drink, you don’t go out in sunlight, you drive like a lunatic, like you know you won’t get hurt--”

    “I get it!” Edward snaps. His eyes are on me now, not the road.

    I get the feeling that we have no chance of crashing.

    “Say it, then,” he angrily urged, “If you’re so sure, say it!”

    I didn’t back down from his glare. “You’re a vampire, aren’t you?”

    I could practically see the shiver run down his spine. It was all out in the open now. There was no going back.

    Edward asks me, “Are you afraid?”

    “No, I’m not,” I answer matter-of-factly.

    He scowls, and pulls over. We’re at my house. “Then ask me the most basic question. What do we eat?”

    “I know you’re not gonna hurt me, Eddie,” I shrug off.

    “You think that because you believe the lie,” Eddie laments, “It’s camouflage. I’m the world’s most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in: my voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that.” He opens the car door, and takes off. I see him briefly appear at the end of the street, then he’s back at my side, all within a second. “As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off.” He runs away again, this time into the forest. It’s dark, but in the moonlight, I can see an entire tree be ripped out of the ground and thrown farther into the woods. “I’m designed to kill,” he tells me a moment later when he’s in the driver’s seat again.

    I stay silent.

    He whispers, “I’ve killed people before.”

    I see what he’s trying to do. He’s trying to scare me away from him. I still don’t respond.

    He ups the ante, “I wanted to kill you. I’ve never wanted a human’s blood so much in my life.” I don’t know if he’s consciously doing it or not, but he’s leaning closer to me. His hand is almost on my cheek.

    “Don’t run away from me,” I quietly urge, as he flinches back when I reach for his other hand. I interlace our fingers, but it costs me his hand on the side of my face. I softly repeat, “I know you’re not gonna hurt me, Eddie.”

    Finally, he stops trying to scare me. “My family, we’re different from others of our kind. We’ve learned to control our thirst. But...your scent...it’s like a drug to me. Y/n, you’re like my own personal brand of heroine...I still don’t know if I can control myself...”

    I brought my gaze down to our connected hands. This is the most intimate we’ve ever been.

    He murmurs, “I wish I could read your mind...What are you thinking? Are you afraid?”

    “Eddie, the only thing I’m scared of is you leaving me,” I admit. “Just don’t do that. We can figure everything else out.”

    He doesn’t promise me he won’t go, but he does express, “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.” Edward takes his free hand, and wraps it around our connected ones. His gaze lingers there for a moment before moving up to meet my eyes. “And so, the lion falls in love with the lamb.”

    At least for now, I think we’re okay. I smile at his statement. “What a stupid lamb.”

    Edward smiles, too. “What a sick, masochistic lion.”

    Soon after, he convinces me to get out of the car, to leave him for the night.

    He’s back the next morning to drive me to school.

    When we pull up to the building, he opens my door for me. We’re laughing about some joke we had going in the car. My smile fades and I shrink into his side when I notice everyone’s eyes on us.

    “This is what it’s like to be you, huh?” I haven’t gotten this treatment since my first day of school. “Everyone’s staring.”

    Edward jokes, “Not that guy. No, he just looked. I’m breaking all the rules, anyway.” That last part seemed to be aimed to his brothers and sisters, whose car we just passed.

    I’m guessing they don’t want him attracting too much attention, since they’re all vampires. Then again, they already have the attention of the whole town, looking as beautiful as they do.

    Eddie doesn’t seem to mind their scowls. He puts his arm around my shoulder. “Since I’m going to hell.” He says that part a little louder. His siblings can obviously hear.

    Throughout the day, we hear whispers that there’s been another animal killing in town. Edward quietly informs me that it’s not an animal. There’s another vampire in town. Eddie’s scared that I might be in danger, but I remind him that I’m safest by his side, where he can protect me.

    He doesn’t like talking about vampire stuff during class, so he takes me to a clearing in the woods after school where we can be alone.

    “So, does a person need to be dying in order to become a vampire?”

    We’re laying next to each other in the grass as I ask any question that comes to mind.

    He’s laying on his side, always watching me. “No, that’s just Carlisle. He’d never do this to someone who had another choice.”

    “How long have you been like this?” Just how old is my vampire boyfriend?

    “Since 1918. That’s when Carlisle found me dying of the Spanish Influenza.”

    “What was it like?”

    “The venom was excruciating, but what Carlisle did was much harder. Not many of us have the restraint to do that.”

    “How bad it it?”

    He knows to what I’m referring. “When we taste human blood, a sort of frenzy begins. It’s almost impossible to stop.”

    I can tell his mind is on his nightmare of possibly doing that to me one day, so I bring the discussion back to his father. “But Carlisle was able to stop.”

    “Yes. First with me, then with Esme.”

    “So, is Carlisle the reason you don’t kill people?”

    Eddie shakes his head. “No. Well, he’s not the only reason...I don’t...want to be a monster.”

    “Well, you’re not, so that’s nice.” I remind him, only half-joking.

    A smile crosses his face, but he glances down. He doesn’t reply to my statement. “My family, we think of ourselves as vegetarians because we only survive on the blood of animals. But it’s like a human only living on tofu, you know? It keeps you strong, but you’re never fully satisfied.” Edward starts laughing. “It wouldn’t be like drinking your blood, for instance.”

    Seeing his smile lights up my face too. “It’s good to know I wouldn’t taste like tofu.” I think for a second, and another question pops into my head. “Can the rest of your family read minds like you can?”

    He smiles, and lays back down on his back. “No, that’s just me. But Alice can see the future.”

    A grin breaks out across my lips. I realize, “Did she see me coming?” I turn over to my side and tuck my arm under my head.

    Eddie shakes his head. “No, she can’t see your future, just like I can’t read your mind. You’re an enigma to all of us. She can get some snippets of you from...my future, though. But, you have to remember: Alice’s visions are highly subjective. The future can always change.”

    I sigh. His mood has soured again. I wish something would come along to lighten him up.

    Fortunately, my wish comes true. It comes true so much more literally than I thought it would. The sun peaks though the clouds, and I see Edward for the first time in the sunlight. He’s sparkling.

    I immediately start laughing. “Hooolyyy shiiit. Whaaat???”

    His eyes were scared at first. Like he actually thought I’d be intimidated by his reflective skin. But when he sees that I’m laughing, a smile forms on his lips, too. “Uh, there’s something else I haven’t told you about being a vampire.”

    “Are you kidding me? You didn’t tell me that you fucking sparkle.” I can’t calm down. I’m still laughing. “Oh my god, this is why you and your siblings don’t come to school on sunny days! Eddie, I’m sorry, but this is so fucking funny.” I’m sitting criss-cross now.

    He joins me. “I...I never thought someone would react to my skin like this.”

    “Well, that baffles me. But, here I am. And I’m having a great time.” I walk up to him, take one of his hands in mine, and examine it closer. “Jesus, I love this.”

    Eddie smiles even wider, and shakes his head. “You know what? I’m going to take you to meet my family tomorrow.”

    “But what if they don’t like me?” I pull my gaze away from his hand to meet his eyes.

    “So, you’re worried, not because you’ll be in a house full of vampires, but because you’re afraid they won’t approve of you?” He apparently finds this very amusing.

    “Shut up.” I roll my eyes.

    Eddie stands and pulls me up using the hand that I’m holding. He’s still smiling. “Come on. I should take you home.”

    The thought of being away from him and being in that house again makes my smile falter.

    Eddie tells me he’ll pick me up tomorrow.

    When I enter the Cullen home the next day, I immediately notice that their living space is open and beautiful. I give Eddie my compliments, and he just makes comments about how I must’ve expected a crypt or something. I give him a look, and he just keeps chuckling.

    As we’re heading up the stairs, he tells me, “This is the one place where we don’t have to hide.”

    That’s really sweet. I take his hand, and we continue up the stairs.

    Edward suddenly gets flustered. “I told them not to do this...”

    We get to the kitchen, and some of his family are making dinner.

    A woman comes up to me. “Y/n, we’re making Italiano for you.”

    I hear what she’s saying, but my eyes drift to Carlisle. It’s that same look he gave me when he first saw me in the hospital.

    Edward introduces me to the woman. “Y/n, this is Esme. My mother, for all intensive purposes.”

    “Y/n, could I see you in my study for a moment?” Carlisle inquires in the friendliest voice I’ve ever heard.

    He and Edward share a look, and I follow the eldest vampire into the other room.

    We’re only gone for about five minutes, and when Carlisle and I return to the kitchen, he brings the conversation back to the meal. “You’re giving us a reason to use the kitchen for the first time.”

    Edward looks like he’s been scolding his family for making dinner. He and Carlisle share another look. Nothing happens. I breathe.

    Esme brings my attention back to her with her calming voice. “I hope you’re hungry.”

    Before I can say anything, Edward gives away, “They already ate.”

    Rosalie, Edward’s sister, breaks a glass bowl she was holding. “Perfect.”

    Overdramatic, much? “Well, yeah.” I keep my feelings to myself. “I figured, since you guys don’t eat...”

    Esme smiles, “Of course. That’s very considerate of you.” She turns to her adoptive daughter to emphasize her point.

    Edward suggests, “Just ignore Rosalie, I do.” He puts a hand on the small of my back.

    Rosalie holds her ground. “Yeah, let’s just keep pretending that this isn’t dangerous for all of us.”

    I step forward to face Edward’s sister head-on. “Rosalie, you gotta understand, I would never, ever tell anybody anything.”

    As soon as I left his grasp, Edward was by my side again.

    Carlisle says, referring to Rosalie, “She knows you’re on our side.”

    Emmett clears up, “Yeah well, the problem is, you two have gone public now--”

    Edward tenses a little.

    Esme quickly scolds Emmett.

    Rosalie continues, “No, they should know. The entire family will be implicated if this ends badly.”

    “Well, I’ll try my best to make sure that it won’t,” I assure.

    The blonde vampire seems thrown off by my resoluteness.

    Just then, Alice and Jasper come in...from a tree branch outside a window.

    “I’m Alice. It’s so nice to meet you!” She hugs me, but quickly jumps back. “Oh. You do smell good.”

    “Alice...”

    I find it cute how embarrassed Edward is getting around his family.

    Alice smiles, “It’s okay. I can’t see their future exactly, but I have a feeling we’re going to be great friends.”

    The rest of the family seems to be set in a state of unease at the reference to Alice’s power, but I just beam back at her. I think we’re going to be great friends, too.

    Jasper and I make eye contact.

    Carlisle speaks up, “Sorry, Jaspers our newest vegetarian. It’s a little difficult for him.”

    “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Jasper struggles to relate.

    Alice reassures her significant other, “It’s okay, Jasper. You won’t hurt them.”

    Edward cannot believe our morbid reality. “Alright, I’m going to take you on a tour of the rest of the house. Everyone just stay here.”

    I just laugh when he tries to lead me away. “Eddie, come on.”

   Most of his family are amused at my nickname for him. Rosalie remains pissed off.

    “It’s nice meeting you too, Jasper,” I return Jasper’s sentiment. “It’s nice meeting all of you.”

    Esme smiles, “It’s wonderful to meet you, too, Y/n. Especially after Edward has talked about you so much.”

    Eddie grits, “Esme...”

    “He has?” I ignore him.

    Emmett cuts in, “Yeah. Dude never shuts up about you.”

    I’m still giggling as Edward drags me up towards the second floor.

    He apologizes, “I’m sorry about them.”

    “They’re fine, Eddie.” I’m still smiling. “Sure, Rosalie’s not my biggest fan, and Jasper literally wants to kill me, but I love your family.”

    Edward assures, “You don’t have to say that just because they can still hear us.”

    I honestly forgot they could. “I promise you, I’m not...Graduation caps.” I notice what much be a hundred of them on one of the walls.

    He looks at the display. “It’s a, uh, private joke. We matriculate a lot.”

    I smile, and look to him. “I like being in on your inside jokes.”

    He takes me to a room at the end of a hallway. “This is...my room.”

    A full grin breaks out on my face as I wander inside. “It’s beautiful, Eddie.” I notice, “No bed...because you don’t sleep, do you?”

    He shakes his head.

    I lay down on a couch he has. “Comfy,” I tease.

    I sit up. “Jesus, you have so many books! And look at all this music...” I wander to his shelves of CDs, and click play on his radio. A classical song plays. I smile as the melody drifts into the room.

    Edward walks over to me. He looks like he’s preparing himself, then he takes my hand and pulls me to him by the waist. He’s clearly scared, having me this close to him.

    “Breathe,” I quietly urge to comfort him, and jokingly add, “through the mouth,” so he won’t have to smell me as much. Slowly, I lay my head on his shoulder.

    He tenses, but eventually calms down.

    We sway for a moment or two, then I lift my head to smirk, “You know, I’ve never been much of a dancer.”

    Eddie smirks too, and teases, “I could always make you.”

    “I’m still not afraid of you,” I remind.

    His smile widens. “You shouldn’t have said that.”

    Suddenly, I’m being thrown over his shoulder, and he jumps out these open doors he has in his room. We land on the trunk of a tree.

    “Jesus Christ! Eddie! Not fair!”

    He laughs.

    “Warn me the next time you do something like that!”

    He shrugs, “Okay. Here’s your warning.” Eddie takes off at an alarming speed and climbs up the tree. It’s like this is taking no effort at all for him. He stops for a second at the top of the tree. “Do you trust me?”

    God, I hope I don’t regret this. “You know I do.”

    “Hang on.”

    Edward jumps, and we’re flying through the trees. Climbing, jumping from one tree to the next--I can hear my laughter over the wind whipping in my ears.

    He takes me to the top of what is probably the tallest tree in the forest and we stay there and talk for what must be hours. We don’t get back to the Cullen house until dark.

    The rest of the evening is lovely. Rosalie is as cold as ever, and Jasper is hard to read, but I get along with the rest of the family just fine. Esme and Carlisle seem to adore me, thank God, and Emmett is very warm and welcoming. Alice is the most enthusiastic. She gives me her phone number, and calls me a few hours after I’m back at my house and my father has fallen asleep.

    “Yes, I did have a lot of fun tonight.” I answer her eager question, endeared. “I can’t wait to see you again, t--OH my god! Sorry Alice, your brother just broke into my home.”

    She giggles, “I knew that was going to happen. I just wanted to get as much time with you as I could. I’ll let you go. Goodnight!”

    “Goodnight, Alice.” I smile as I hang up the phone.

    “Sorry about her,” Edward apologized, “Alice can be overbearing.”

    “I think she’s sweet.” I move closer to Edward, and sit cross-legged. “How did you get in here?”

    He’s smiling. “Through the window.”

    “Do you do that often?” I ask expectantly, a smirk playing at my lips.

    Edward replies, “Just the past couple months.”

    Probably ever since he saved me from that van. “I thought I saw you in here! Jesus, I thought I was dreaming.”

    He smirks, “You dream about me?”

    “Very funny.”

    “What? You’re the one who said it.”

    I roll my eyes.

    Edward divulges, “I like watching you sleep. It fascinates me...That sounded creepy, didn’t it?”

    “A little bit,” I agree. “Maybe try wording it different.”

    He quirks his eyebrows. “How do I word that different?”

    We laugh.

    “I don’t know!...Just, let me know next time you do it, okay?”

    He smiles, “As you wish.” Edward grows serious then. “I came here to try something.”

    Sensing his unease, I frown. “What is it?”

    “...Stay very still for me, okay?”

    Understanding washing over me, I nod.

    Then, I see Edward move the slowest I’ve ever seen him move. He inches closer. Our noses meet, and he stops, debating with himself again.

    I want to say something, reassure him that this is okay. He can do this. I stop myself. I don’t want to scare him away.

    It takes him so, so long, but he reaches my lips, and I breathe for the first time in my life. He told me not to move, I know, but I lean forward on instinct. I need to be as close as I am to this boy.

    Eddie pulls back, and I immediately regret moving. I peek, expecting to see the ever-present fear in his eyes, but his eyes are closed. He’s smiling. His lips are shaking, but he’s smiling because he’s so proud of himself, and my heart swells. He kisses me again, and I nearly cry. He’s really doing this. He’s not pulling away from me. Our foreheads, noses, our faces are together, and I could not be more filled with bliss. We’ve never been this close. I wish to always be this close to him. This is perfect. In this moment, we are perfect.

    I know that I love him. I’ve known for a while, but right now, I can finally touch that feeling.

    I kiss him again. And again. One more time. My hands are in his hair. My heart isn’t even beating anymore. It’s going too fast for that. Everything is going fast now. I sit on his lap. I kiss him again. Then I kiss him deeper yet.

    That pushes him past control. He takes my hips and moves so he’s on top of me. Edward kisses me with an overwhelming passion that is so great I feel I am drowning in it.

    At some point, I think I groan out in pain. It’s not Eddie’s fault, but he accidentally presses on some bruises I have and his reaction is so fast--

    “STOP!”

    I sit up in my empty bed. I thought Edward would leave, but he’s still in my room. He’s got himself pressed against the farthest wall from me, but Edward’s still here with me. That has to count for something.

    I wonder briefly if the sound of Edward hitting the wall woke my dad up. “Sorry,” I tell Edward.

    He’s holding his breath. “I’m stronger than I thought.”

    Yes, you’re so much stronger than you know. “I wish I could say the same for myself.”

    He shuts his eyes, and turns his head away from me.

    I can’t stand even that. “Look at me.”

    Eddie’s eyes lock eyes with mine. “I can never lose control with you.”

    “I know...Come here.” Please, don’t leave.

    Slowly, he gets closer to me again. When he sits on the edge of my bed, I move to sit all the way onto my pillows to make him more comfortable.

    My bones ache a little the farther away I get from him, but I ask, “Is this more comfortable for you?”

    He doesn’t respond, but he starts breathing again.

    Edward and I talk for the rest of the night, and I wake up the next morning laying on his chest. I’m surprised he let me this close again.

    As my eyes open, he’s looking out my window. He’s got one arm tucked behind his head, and the other one is curled under me, holding me close. Eddie informs me, “There’s going to be a storm today.”

    “Good to know.”

    A smile forms on his lips and and he inquires, “Do you want to play baseball with my family and I?”

    “I’m sorry, what?” I sit up to get a better look at the smirk playing at his lips.

    He explains, “Well, we like to play, and we can only play during thunderstorms. You’ll find out why if you come.”

    “So, I guess I’m going,” I giggle.

    He smiles like he wasn’t just a world full of cryptic. “Great.” Eddie sits up, too. We’re sitting criss-cross, facing each other. He asks me a more serious question. A very serious question. “Can I meet your dad?”

    “Well...it’s already eight-thirty,” I notify after glancing at my clock. “I think he left for work already. Didn’t you hear his truck start up?”

    He contraries, “Actually, I heard him get out of bed, get ready, then leave and start his truck. That was about an hour ago. But I didn’t mean I meet him right now. Later today, maybe?”

    “My...father...has always been weird about me dating,” I explain. “Can we...hold off on that...for a bit?”

    Eddie blinks. “Okay...”

    His family’s in a big clearing in the woods outside of town. Everybody is dressed completely for baseball. Wow, they must really like the sport.

    What follows is the weirdest ten minutes of my fucking life so far. They ask me to be umpire. Here are some highlights: Emmett warming up like he’s fighting literal air, Rosalie giving me murder eyes when I call that she’s out, Eddie and Emmett crashing into each other mid-air while they’re both going after the ball, and, no joke, Rosalie calling Emmett her ‘monkey man’ after Emmett climbs a tree to get the ball.

    It’s nice to see Edward so at ease here. The whole family is free to be themselves. Even Jasper has loosened up a bit.

    But then, Alice freezes. “Stop!” she warns.

    I’m suddenly reminded of last night when Edward flew across my room and away from me.

    The Cullens seem to hear someone approaching, and they all rush toward me.

    Alice informs, “They were leaving, then they heard us.”

    It occurs to me that the strangers must be the vampires responsible for the deaths in town. That must also be why the Cullens are gathering in front of me: to hide my human scent.

    The only thing that’s scaring me is the fear in Edward’s eyes. “I shouldn’t have brought you here. I’m so sorry,” he laments.

    “It’s okay. Hey.” I’m holding his hand, and I grasp his upper arm in my free hand because I know me touching his cheek would be too much for him. “Let’s just focus on getting out of this, okay?”

    He bits his lip as he nods. “Just, stay behind me.”

    Three vampires walk out from the woods. Edward’s grip on my hand tightens the closer they get. I can feel that he’s preparing take me and run if things go sour.

    Carlisle takes the lead for us. The leader of the other group, Laurent, is polite. This would be a friendly conversation between two groups if it wasn’t for everyone else on both sides giving their opposites the death stare.

    Me? I’m not ashamed to say I’m too scared to move. I just hold onto Edward and hope that this will be over soon.

    Laurent somehow convinces Carlisle to let him and his friends play baseball with the Cullens. Edward gets the chance to start leading me away, but then bad luck strikes. Wind blows my scent in the new vampires’ direction.

    Then, Esme’s at my side. Edward’s at the front of the Cullens, being held back by Carlisle. Laurent reels his own people back. He doesn’t want violence.

    One of Laurent’s people, James, is the opposite. He’s out for my blood. I can’t read minds, but I can tell that much. I can also guess that James’ girlfriend, Victoria, isn’t opposed to draining me as well.

    As soon as they are gone, Edward speeds me to the car he brought me in. Now he’s in the driver’s seat, driving us away from the almost-battlefield.

    “Fuck, I am an imbecile!” Edward curses himself out. “James is a tracker. The hunt is his obsession. I read his mind. My reaction on the field set him off. I just made this his most exciting game. He’s never going to stop.”

    I need him to calm down. “Okay. So what can we do?”

    He answers immediately, “We have to kill him. Rip him apart, and burn the pieces.”

    I’m taken out of the moment by how violent his words were. I know that vampires are nearly indestructible. I guess I should have also put together that the way to kill them would be extremely brutal.

    “I’m getting you away from Forks.”

    My head snaps up. No. No, no, no, no, no.

    Edward keeps planning, “We’ll get a ferry to Vancouver.”

    “No.” I finally get words out of my mouth. “I-I can’t. I have to go home.”

    He disagrees too fast. “You can’t go home. ‘Cause he’s gonna trace your scent there, it’s the first place he’s going to look.”

    “I don’t care. I have to go back home.” I know it’s irrational. I know my best bet is to go with Edward and not look back. But I can’t leave town.

    He doesn’t understand. “If it’s your dad you’re worried about, just let me get you out of here first. Then, I’ll come back and tell him--”

    “Edward, take me home now!” I can’t remember ever raising my voice at him.

    His eyes snap to meet my own. He starts searching them.

    I know what he’s looking for. I don’t let him find it. “Drop me off at home. Stay in the car. I’ll...I’ll come up with something about leaving. Then, we can go, alright?” I don’t break our gaze.

    Edward doesn’t either. “...I’ll give you ten minutes.”

    “That’s all I need.”

    When the car is two houses away from mine, Edward stops it completely. I prefer the car here, but then I noticed why Edward breaked. He senses one of the hunter vampires nearby.

    Edward tells me, “I’m going to run into the woods. Count to five, then get out of the car and run to your house. Don’t stop no matter what you hear.”

    “But Ed--”

    “Please.”

    He agreed to come to my house despite the danger, now I should agree to do this. Swallowing my fears, I nod.

    Edward leaves the car. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. I follow his instructions.

    Once inside, I take on a whole different posture. I am now more ‘presentable’ for my father. I am without Edward. I may not be facing a human-hunting vampire, but I am facing a monster all my own.

    “Who’s your boyfriend?” he asks lowly.

    My blood runs cold. “...Who are you talking about?”

    “Don’t act like I’m stupid,” he almost cuts me off. “A loud sound woke me up last night. I could hear you talking him. Who is he, and how long have you been seeing him?”

    All I can do is shudder. “A couple of weeks...I met him at school--”

    “THIS IS WHY!” He stands up straight out of his seat, and I flinch so hard I nearly fall to my knees. “THIS IS WHY I DON’T LET YOU DATE! BECAUSE YOU’RE SO MUCH OF A WHORE THAT YOU’LL LET ANY DOG OFF THE STREET INTO YOUR ROOM!

    “You probably already gave it to him, didn’t you? But I’m surprised he’d even want you, given how used up I’m sure you are--”

    “Stop it--”

    “DO NOT TALK BACK TO YOUR FATHER! You little--” He hits me.

    He’s backed me almost into a corner at this point, and I fall in front of the fireplace. There’s a red mark on my check now. It’s in the shape of his hand. I move to get up. I get kicked in the stomach.

    “Stay down, you useless piece of shit.” He spits on my arm. “I had one rule. Keep to yourself, and don’t let anyone know what trash you really are. You couldn’t even do that.” He picks up a fire poker.

    A realization washes over me. There’s no way around it. He’s going to try to kill me.

    He’s always hit me, for as long as I can remember. And now he’s going to end it.

    I beg. “Please! Please, don’t.”

    “Will you shut up?” He raises the poker over his head. “For once?!” He brings it down.

    I kick his knee in.

    Out of shock at the sudden movement and the blinding pain, my father dropped his weapon and clutched his leg as he fell to the ground.

    I stand on the foot that kicked his knee in, and pick up the fire poker myself.

    “You better do this right if you’re gonna do it,” he snarls. “I’ll fucking kill you if you don’t. You understand? If you’re off by a goddamn centimeter, I’ll take that thing and run it though your skull, you selfish, little brat.”

    Just for a second, things go quiet. I hear two full breaths pass my lips as I look down on him. Then, I hear his struggle as he reaches for my pant leg. Before I can completely lose my balance, I swing. The blood makes a splattering sound. I open my eyes. I see his disfigured face staring up at me. He’s still alive. He moves to grab me again. I hit him again. I’m scared he might still try to hurt me, so I hit him again, and again, and again. Somehow, he’s still twitching when I collapse next to him.

    My body turns to the door as Edward enters. I see it all on his face.

    Eddie comes in determined. I think he bought us some time with the fight he had with James outside. He wants to get me out of my house and out of town as soon as possible. But then he hears my dad’s memories.

    Up until this point, I’ve been using the radius of Edward’s powers to my advantage. It seemed my father was never close enough for Edward to read his thoughts. That isn’t true now.

    I know Edward can see it all. Me beating the shit out of my father, my father almost beating the shit out of me first, and my father beating me all my life because my mother died in childbirth.

    It’s the last one that does Edward in, I can tell. In his eyes, I can see his heart break when he looks to me.

    My father finally dies from his injuries. I can hear my father stop breathing, but I don’t look away from Eddie.

    “Come on, we gotta go.” Edward holds his hand out for me to take.

    I take it.

    He rushes me to the car. He starts driving. Silence.

    A whole minute passes. Edward finally speaks. “All this time...you’ve been using the fact that I can’t read your mind against me.”

    Yes, I know. That’s not the most sympathetic statement to say after you find out someone is being abused, but he’s so used to knowing everything that’s going on. To go from that to finding out that someone you care about has been staying quiet about getting hurt, it must be a lot to take in.

    “I’m sorry.” I’m used to being the first to apologize. I’m usually the only one to apologize.

    Edward shakes his head. “No,” he nearly growled, “No. You shouldn’t apologize. You-you don’t need to apologize. Just...I could’ve helped you, Y/n. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

    Suddenly, a loud bang sound at the roof of the car.

    I flinch. My first thought is that it’s James. The rising tension between Edward and me didn’t help.

    “It’s okay.” Edward takes my hand in his. I can’t tell if it’s a conscious effort or not. I can tell that he’s only annoyed by whoever is on top of the Jeep. Eddie soothes, “It’s just Emmett. Alice is in the car behind us.”

    He pulls us up to the Cullen estate, and we go inside. Laurent scares the hell out of me when I see him.

    Edward and I originally think otherwise, but it turns out that Laurent is here to help. He tells us what he had just told Carlisle: James is the best hunter that Laurent has seen in his 300 years, we should also not underestimate Victoria, and Laurent wants no part in this fight.

    Laurent leaves, and I thank god that there is one less vampire to hide from. I am quickly removed from my thoughts, however, because Edward’s just lunged at Carlisle.

    “Edward!” I yell out in alarm. “What are you doing?!”

    Rosalie and Esme pull them apart before Edward can do any damage. I’m sure Edward would never truly hurt his father, but I don’t know why he is suddenly so angry.

    “You knew!” Edward snarls out, fighting against Rosalie’s gasp. “You knew, and you didn’t do anything to save them!”

    Oh.

    I think back to when Edward first brought me to this house, the same day he took me flying thought the woods.

    “Y/n, could I see you in my study for a moment?” The question made me shudder.

    “He can’t know, right?” I silently thought to myself as I followed him into the other room.

    Closing the door behind me, I stayed close to it as Carlisle wandered over to his desk. “When you live with six vampires, it can be hard to find privacy. That’s why I had this room built. It is completely sound proof. No one one the other side of that door can hear us speak.”

    I was impressed. “That’s possible?”

    Carlisle nodded, “Trust me, it is. We’re also too far away from Edward at the moment for him to hear my thoughts.”

    “So, why’d you bring me in here?” I decided to be brave.

    He just looked at me, sympathy clear in his eyes. “It’s your father, isn’t it?”

    “How do you know?” I asked, trying not to cry.

    “To put it simply, I can smell the bruises on you, Y/n,” he revealed, “At the hospital, I thought I smelt other patients’ blood, but I realized I was wrong as soon as you walked into my home.”

    My heart broke. If Carlisle knew, that meant every vampire in the house knew. That meant that Edward knew.

    Carlisle went on, “Bruises happen when small veins and capillaries break and red blood cells leak out of those blood vessels. Vampires can smell any difference in blood, Y/n.”

    “Why are you the only one who’s saying anything?” I wondered. Had everyone but me been in on this private joke of helping me keep up my act?

    Carlisle explained, “I believe I am the only one who realizes what your scent truly means. Edward told us when he first met you that your scent was unlike anything he had ever come across. I assume the rest of my children think they are experiencing the same whenever they smell you. But they aren’t. They are smelling what I just described.”

    “Then, what about Edward?” It was a solid question.

    Carlisle got a wistful look in his eye. “The scent of your bruises gets overpowered by the effect the overall scent of your blood has on Edward. I believe I am familiar with what he is experiencing as well. Esme had the same effect on me before I turned her.”

    Thoughts came to mind that what Eddie and I have might be as great as Esme and Carlisle, but they were outnumbered by worries. “So, Eddie’s going to know. If you know, and he can read your mind, then he’s going to know as well.”

    “...Not necessarily.” Carlisle was clearly concerned for me, but he gave me another option. “I’ve known Edward for a century. I am very familiar with his abilities. I know that if I focus enough on other thoughts, and don’t explicitly think about this, he shouldn’t be able to see it. At least, not if he doesn’t know specifically what he’s looking for. It’s how I kept him from getting too suspicious from when you entered the house to when we entered my study. I could keep that up...That’s if you would like me to.”

    “You promise that if you do this, he won’t know?” My voice was shaking, but it held at least a little strength to it.

    Carlisle nodded, “As long as he doesn’t know what he’s looking for, this should work. I promise.”

    “Do it.”

    He was hesitant. “Are you sure? Edward can help you. We can all help--”

    “I’m sure,” I cut him off. I sighed, “Thank you, really. But I...I just can’t. And Eddie...Please, I just don’t want him to know.”

    Carlisle was still unsure, but luckily, he agreed. “As you wish.”

    The whole conversation took about five minutes. Remembering it only took a single moment.

    “Eddie, it wasn’t Carlisle’s fault,” I admit, “I told him not to say anything.”

    He stops fighting against Rosalie, and turns back to me. Understandably, Edward’s confused. “What?”

    Rosalie lets him go.

    Edward approaches me. He takes my hands in his. “But...but he hurt you,” he says, referring to my father.

    “He hurt me my whole life, Eddie,” I sniffle, “I was used to it. I guess, in some sick way, I was trying to protect him when Carlisle found out. But then, when he had that fire poker in his hand, I saw that look in his eye. He was going to kill me. I realized that I...I couldn’t leave you, Eddie. So, I fought back. And...and I’m glad he’s dead. I’m glad I killed him. But before, I couldn’t let you know. I just couldn’t. You reacted exactly how I knew you would, and I can’t bare the thought of causing you pain. You’re my safe haven. When we met, and we really started being together, you helped me forget how shit my life really was. You showed me what it was like to truly be cared for by someone.”

    He’s slouched over, and won’t meet my eyes. “Yeah, once I stopped treating you so cruelly.”

    I leaned down to make eye contact with him. “You pushed through all that, and I couldn’t be happier that you did.”

    “Guys, we gotta go,” Emmett announced, in a rush as he entered.

    Jasper and Alice are behind him.

    Edward takes me to the garage with the rest of the Cullens.

    “I’ve had to fight our kind before,” Jasper announces, “We’re not easy to kill.”

    Emmett argues, “But not impossible. We’ll tear them apart, and burn the pieces.”

    Oh. So that’s just the patented way of how to kill vampires, I guess.

    Carlisle speaks his mind. “I don’t relish the thought of killing another creature, even one as sadistic as James.”

    “It helps if you think of all the things he’s done, in James’ case, the things he’ll do if he’s not stopped,” I offer, thinking about my now dead father.

    “Rosalie, Esme.”

    I flinch when Edward lets go of my hand.

    “Could you put these on so the tracker will pick up Y/n’s scent?” He throws a couple of my jackets to his mother and his sister.

    Rosalie catches my jacket, but argues, “Why? What are they to me?”

    Eddie is giving her a look that is just begging her to help.

    “I’m nothing to you,” I suddenly attest. “You and your family have been together for decades, and I just got here. I understand that. But what I feel for Edward? That connection goes deeper than anything I’ve ever experienced, read, or seen. I know I am here to stay. You’re my family now, Rosalie. Please, help me.”

    I can feel Edward getting closer to me in case Rosalie makes any move against me. I know she won’t.

    She locks me in her steely gaze. A few seconds tick by. Wordlessly, she leaves. She took my jacket with her.

    “I’m gonna run Y/n south,” says Edward, “Can you lead the tracker away from here?” He can’t say James’ name.

    Esme disagrees, “Edward, no. James knows you would never leave Y/n. He’ll follow you.”

    Alice offers, “I’ll go with Y/n. Jasper and I will drive them south.” She adds, “I’ll keep them safe, Edward.”

    “Can you keep your thoughts to yourself?” Eddie asks.

    Alice answers like it’s obvious. “Yes.”

    What are they talking about? Was it something Alice saw in her visions?

    Once I’m in the backseat, Edward’s at the window. I take a moment to memorize his face the best I can. “Okay...I’m going to need you to kiss me.”

    He’s understandably taken off guard. “What?”

    “Baby, I know you still don’t trust yourself, but this might be the last time I see you.” Saying it out loud physically hurt. “I’m just so scared--”

    One of my hands is resting on the car door, and he puts his hand on mine. “Nothing’s going to happen to me. There’s seven of us, and there’s two of them. Once everything’s done, I’ll come back to you, and we’ll be together again, okay?”

    I nod. I have to look down because if I keep looking at him, I’ll start crying. Tears spring to my eyes when he puts his free hand on my cheek and brings my lips to meet his.

    The kiss has the opposite effect I was hoping for. I thought it would calm me down being this close to him, but it just makes my heart race as fast as it did the first time Edward kissed me. Only now, instead of the rush of dopamine, I’m reminded that I could likely never experience it again.

    I know Eddie feels the same once he breaks the kiss and I see his eyes.

    We lean our foreheads against each other, and I just take a second to breathe and be with him.

    Eddie separates us, and the fear is even clearer in his eyes. “Y/n, you are my life now,” he relays like it’s the most important message of his immortal life. He dries my tears.

    I do the same for him.

    Jasper pulls the car out of the garage two seconds later.

    I watch as Edward takes off into the woods with Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie.

    “Everything’s going to be fine, Y/n. I promise,” Alice comforts in her usual, light-hearted tone. “I see you all over the place in all of our futures, so that’s gotta count for something, right?”

    Yes, I guess it does. “So you really know that this is going to turn out alright?”

    Alice hesitates. “Well...not exactly...”

    Jasper explains for her. “She sees the course people are on while they’re on it. If they change their minds, the vision changes. Her visions started to change when James decided to start hunting you.”

    Alice puts her hand in Jasper’s. It reminds me of Edward and me.

    She soothes, “But I have every faith in our family. It’s still extremely likely that everything will turn out the way it’s supposed to turn out.”

    “Y/n...I’m sorry about your father,” Jasper says. “I’m sorry for the way he treated you, and I’m sorry for what you had to do.” His words are still coming out as forced, but it’s not as bad as before. It’s good to know he’s getting used to me.

    I catch Alice looking at me sympathetically through the rearview mirror. I’m glad she didn’t have to see what I did to my father in a vision.

    Speaking of visions, she receives one. She tenses up, and squeezes Jasper’s hand.

    Jasper inquires. “What is it? What do you see?”

    She’s silent only a moment longer before--

    “No!”

    Something with the force of a car rams into the side of ours. While our car is spinning from the crash, my car door gets ripped off and thrown into the woods somewhere. I’m only awake long enough to notice that I am being taken. I hit my head in the first impact. I pass out from a concussion a few seconds later.

    I wake up in a room full of mirrors. A ballet studio? I vaguely remember seeing one in town, but I never thought much of it.

    I guess this is where I’m going to die.

    “Hey! You’re awake!” James is standing a few yards away from me. “Sorry, but it would’ve been too easy to kill you while you were sleeping.”

    I’m sitting up straight and leaning against one of the pillars of the studio. Once I notice the danger I’m in, I get to my feet. My head is aching from where I hit it earlier.

    “Aw, little birdie’s scared.” He speeds up close to me and sniffs up the side of my face. “That’s adorable.”

    Fuck it. I know I’m pretty much doomed, but I’m not giving up just yet. I put my hands on the sides of his face, and use my thumbs to try to stab out his eyes. I have no idea how, but it works. It only buys me about two seconds, but it works.

    He yells, and I use his very, very temporary blindness to duck behind him and run.

    I’m barely on my forth step from him when I’m thrown into one of the mirrors. My hands are suddenly bleeding, and my head and hip hurt a lot too, so they’re probably bleeding as well.

    James crouches down in front of me. “I can’t wait for Edward to see what I am going to do to you. It’ll break his little heart.”

    “Leave him out of this!” I seethe. “He has nothing to do with--AAHHH!!!” My vision blurs for a moment when James breaks my leg clean in half with just a flick of his wrist.

    He smiles at my agony. “Oh, but Edward Cullen has everything to do with this! Usually, once my prey is dead, all the fun’s over. But his rage after you’ve gone will give me months of excitement.” He takes my bloody hand in his and inhales. “God, you must be delicious. I don’t know how Edward has held himself back from draining you entirely...” James bares his teeth, and I know he’s about to take a bite.

    I scream.

    Then, James is gone. He’s thrown across the room, and Edward’s in his place.

    Edward’s panicking. “Are you okay?” A lot of adrenaline must be running through him, because he only just notices my open wounds. Edward freezes.

    I want to say anything to calm him down, but there’s no time.

    James takes Edward by the neck and pins him against the mirrors on the opposite wall.

    “You’re alone ‘cause you’re faster than the others,” observed James, “But you’re not stronger.”

    Edward bit back, “I’m strong enough to kill you.” He turns out of James’ grasp and throws him across the room. Suddenly, he’s holding me again. “I’m sorry.” He sounds like he’s going to cry. “I’m so sorry.” Edward picks me up and jumps up toward the balcony on the second floor of the dance studio.

    At this point, I’m bleeding from my head pretty bad, so my words sound as woozy as the rest of me feels when I try to tell Edward, “It’s not your faul--AH!”

    He’s pulled back down, and I go sliding across the glass on the floor. A large piece cuts up my broken leg.

    Edward’s thrown at the windows up by the ceiling, and James is at my side again. James takes my wrist in his hand, and looks Edward straight in the eyes as he bits into me.

    The scream that I let out burns my throat, but it fades from my ears. I can’t think of anything else but the pain. The feeling of fire spreads from the bite on my wrist to the rest of my body too fast. I can’t stop it. I need somebody to stop it.

    Eddie. Where’s Eddie? I need him. I need him so badly I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. Somebody stop this! Somebody please, please stop this! Eddie! Eddie, please help me! It hurts too much! Eddie!

    “Eddie!” His name finally slips past my lips, and in the same moment I am finally able to take a breath. Just one breath, then it’s gone again. I can’t breathe again.

    Alice is kneeling at my side. When did I fall to the floor? When did the rest of the Cullens get here? She’s telling me, “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay!”

    I still think I am going to die.

    But that’s fine. I don’t care, really. I just want Edward to be at my side when I go.

    I think Alice went away, at some point. Now she’s back. Carlisle and Edward are here, too.

    Eddie!

    I take his hand.

    He looks down at the bite on my wrist. He looks terrified, like his worst nightmare is coming true.

    “Shhh.”

    ‘It’s okay, Eddie,’ I try to say, but it doesn’t get out. I grip his hand tighter, trying to comfort him. It doesn’t help with my pain, but it reminds me that he’s here. He’s with me. I try to think about only that.

    Carlisle has his hands on the open wound on my broken leg. He informs Edward, “Their femoral artery’s been severed. They’re losing losing too much blood.” He turns his head to his daughter. “Alice, your belt. Make me a tourniquet. Tie it above my hands...Go.” He orders Alice away because she’s getting distracted too much by my blood. Carlisle refers back to his son. “You could make a choice. You could let the change happen.”

    Do I want to become a vampire?

    “No,” Edward answers immediately. “No, no, no, no, no.”

    I know it’s killing him, seeing me like this.

    He turns away from me a little, and squeezes his eyes shut. I know that’s him stopping himself from drinking my blood. He looks like he’s going to cry again. He’s so disgusted with himself.

    I can feel the pain of not being able to properly talk to him under the pain of the bite. The agony of all my other of all my other injuries is insignificant. I hate myself as a scream of suffering tears from my lungs. I know what this is doing to Edward. I wish I could stop. A tear slips down my cheek because of this.

    Edward uses his free hand to wipe it away. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’m going to fix this. Carlisle, what’s my other option?”

    ‘No, baby. It’s not your fault,’ I wanted to say, but I can’t, and it’s too late.

    Carlisle responds to his son, “You could try to suck the venom out.”

    “No. No, I won’t be able stop. Y-You do it!” He’s so scared.

    “You find the will to stop!” For a second, Carlisle loses his practiced patience while being this close to human blood. He quickly regains it. “I don’t have the same connection to them as you do. You have the best chance out of all of us at stopping yourself.”

    Edward keeps glancing between the bite on my wrist, and the cut on my leg. He’s sure he won’t be able to stop. He wants to save me so bad, but he has no faith in himself to do it.

    So, I force air into my lungs. That bubbles up another scream, but after I push that down, I grit out, “Eddie?”

    His eyes snap to mine.

    I can tell that Carlisle is baffled at how I have the strength to speak right now. I’m surprised too, but that doesn’t matter right now. What matters is I can finally see Edward’s eyes again.

    “Hey.” More tears spring to my eyes, but I smile. “I want you...ta’ listen to me...okay?” I want to scream again so badly, but not right now. “You can do this...I know...you can do this...”

    He starts shaking his head.

    I nod and respond, “Yes...you...can...” It hurts so much. But I know I would go through it for weeks if it meant I could be with him for an eternity. But he doesn’t want that. I don’t think about why. I just focus on what needs to be done. “Listen to me...Eddie...Eddie, I know you can do this.”

    Edward looks like he’s shaking as he brings my wrist to his lips. For a few seconds, he keeps eye contact with me to remind himself to keep his sanity. But then, his eyes slide shut, and everything starts going blurry for me.

    Carlisle warns Edward, “Stop. Their blood is clean. You’re killing them.”

    Edward’s eyes remain closed, and his lips stay on my wrist.

    I know I’m the only one who can bring him out of this. My free arm doesn’t even feel like it’s there anymore as I move it. I make contact with the side of his face. It’s weird. I can’t feel most of my arm, but I can feel his hair on my fingertips. It’s soft. I’ve never touched his face before. I’ve always tried my best to keep my pressure points away from his nose in an effort to make him more comfortable. I figure all that’s out the window now with my blood on his tongue.

    Over Carlisle’s intense voice, my words come out softer than a whisper. That’s all I have the strength for for now. “I’m okay, Edward...”

    His eyes snap open as my own slide closed.

    I dream about the nights that Edward snuck in through my window to hold me. I find that odd, because last time I checked, all of my dreams are nightmares of my father. But the more I think about it, I put together that I haven’t had a single bad dream since Edward gave up on trying to stay away from me.

    I hope I did enough to be able to see him again.

    “Did you hear that?” I recognize Edward’s voice right away. “Their breathing changed!”

    Esme sounds like she’s next to him. They’re both on the right side of my bed. “Edward, Carlisle said that Y/n probably won’t be awake for the next few days.”

    “But just listen. Come on, don’t you guys hear that?” Edward’s not giving up.

    I’m not surprised he’s the only one to hear my slight change in breathing. He probably memorized how I breathe a long time ago.

    “Edward, this is the fifth time you’ve gotten you’re hopes up about them waking up.” Emmett’s not convinced either.

    “Well, he’s right this time,” I defend. My voice is weak as shit, but I know they can all hear me.

    Alice immediately hugs me. “Y/n!” Obviously, she’s not using her real strength, but her arms are still bone-crushing.

    “Hey...” I gasp.

    Jasper comes to my rescue. “Alice, ease up on Y/n. They just woke up.”

    She realized her mistake. “Sorry!”

    “Look at you, Jasper,” I tease, “Being able to be around me, without looking like you wanna kill yourself, and in a hospital no less.”

    He smirks, “Well, it isn’t so bad now, with your leg stitched up.”

    “Oh, yeah. My leg,” I realize. “How is it?”

    Carlisle enters. “Y/n.” He explains his convenient appearance. “I was a few rooms away when I heard you talking. It’s a relief to have you back with us.” He informs, “As for your leg, you have a clean break on your fibula and tibia. You’re going to be recovering from that for about the next six months. You also have a few broken ribs, and a cracked skull. James certainly did a number on you.”

    Edward tenses up at the sound of my attacker’s name. His hand is in my own, and he hasn’t said a word since I opened my eyes.

    I ask, “And what happened to James?”

    “We ripped up and set that douchebag on fire!” Emmett excitedly boasted. He’s standing at the foot of my bed. “And we did a number on that dance studio too, pun definitely intend--”

    Carlisle, I think a little embarrassed of his son’s glorifying of violence, cuts in, “We took care of all of that. All you need to do now, is rest.”

    “Thank you guys so much. I would be dead ten times over if it weren’t for you...all of you.” I’m almost overwhelmed with emotion. I turn to Rosalie with my last words to emphasize that I truly mean all of the Cullens. I know she’s done a lot for me, too.

    At first, I just get her usual cold stare. But then, she gives me a short nod.

    I take that as us having a sort-of understanding now. I don’t question her further.

    “Um, I hate to cut this gathering short,” I turn back to everyone else, “but could I have a few minutes alone with Edward?” I know that privacy is going to be nonexistent now with this family, but it’s about the decorum, you know? And I’m also hoping that they at least don’t intentionally eavesdrop while they’re gone.

    The rest of the Cullens file out of the room, and Edward and I are alone.

    “Hey,” I sigh in relief as I finally get a good look at him.

    In his eyes, I see all his emotions. He’s partly relieved to be alone with me again, that also shows in his sigh once his family is gone. Mostly, however, he’s scared. I can tell that Edward is terrified.

    “Oh, Eddie,” I breathe, tears springing to my eyes. “Come here.”

    If he goes any faster, Edward would be using his vampire speed as he climbs into bed with me. Never has he reminded me so much of an actual seventeen year old boy. He tries to hug me close by pulling me in by my side, but we are both reminded of my broken ribs.

    A hiss of pain automatically leaves my lips.

    The only reason why he doesn’t go flying across the room like he did when we first kissed, I’m sure, is because he’s afraid of further hurting me. He does, however, pull away from me entirely. I see the panic in his eyes.

    “It’s okay! I’m okay,” I immediately comfort. “Look at me, I’m okay.”

    There’s so much self-hatred in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...I’m the reason you’re here.”

    “You’re the reason I’m alive, yes,” I clarify.

    He scowls. “You know what I meant.”

    “Please, don’t blame this on yourself,” I beg, “You protected me the best you could at every turn.”

    “And it still wasn’t good enough!” he shouts.

    Suddenly, my worst fear pops back into my mind. “Hey.” I take Edward by the sides of his face. “Hey. Look at me.”

    He does.

    “You better not think, for even a second, about leaving me,” I declare.

    He’s taking deep breaths, like he’s trying to will himself to do something. “You’d be better off.”

    “No, I wouldn’t be,” I argue. “I would never, ever get over you leaving me. I would never move on. I would be miserable for the rest of my life, you hear me? You leaving me would be worse than any physical pain I could ever experience, and I should know because I’m pretty sure I just lived through the worst of it.” I should not have said that part.

    Edward squeezes his eyes shut. So much pain and conflict must be raging in his head.

    I gently stroke his cheek with my thumb.

    He leans into my hand. When he opens his eyes, I know the worst of it is over. Eddie’s no longer planning on leaving me. He still looks guilty as hell, though. “I’m so sorry,” he repeats.

    “I’m okay, baby. I promise,” I affirm, cuddling into him.

    Eddie surprises me. He pulls me closer to him. Not by my side, of course. His hand’s on my hip.

    “This is new,” I joke. He’s never let himself this close to me.

    He smirks. “I’m trying something new.”

    In the next month and a half, the Cullens welcome me into their home. I barely ever leave.

    Emmett keeps me updated on current events. I had no idea how much reality TV he watches. Most of the time, I have no idea what he’s talking about, but I would rather him give me the latest on Supernanny than have him describe how he killed his latest bear.

    Jasper doesn’t exactly sit next to me, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t talk to me. We’ve had many in-depth conversations while situated across the room from each other. He reads almost as much as Edward. I don’t read as much as either of them, but they’ve both gotten me to pick up some novels. My favorite book that Jasper has recommended to me so far has to be Pride and Prejudice. The best part was Jasper’s face when I told him I had never read it before.

    Alice, of course, never lets me get bored. She’s got tons of magazines for me, whether I like or not. She also stays up-to-date with all of the drama at school, for some reason. The subjects on her mind that take most of my interest are people’s futures. Because she talks so much, she regularly runs into talking about her abilities. I find it so interesting how easily she processes all the possible futures that run through her head. Also, I’ve noticed that she (not-so-subtly) skids around Edward’s future. I wonder how much of my future she sees in his.

    Eddie barely leaves my side, by the way. The only times he’s not within my immediate eyesight are the extremely fast hunting trips he goes on. It’s like all his guilt about what happened to me got replaced by overprotectiveness. Well, more protectiveness than before (and somehow that’s possible).

    Esme is the only one keeping Edward from completely smothering me, I think. So many times, I’ve heard her pleasant voice drift across the room. “Edward? It’s okay, you can give Y/n some space. They’ll be safe. And you gotta remember, they’re still human, so they still need to breathe.” The joke made me smile. It even got Edward to bashfully back off a little, too. I think she’s the only person capable of doing that. Except for, maybe, myself.

    Carlisle is the exact opposite of my father. Eddie’s father is so unbelievably smart, and just so kind. He checks on my injuries all the time, you know, because he’s a doctor. At first, I wasn’t completely okay with him touching me, because of how my father treated me. Edward had to be right there next to me, holding my hand. Carlisle was entirely understanding of all of that. He made sure I was comfortable every step of the way. It just amazes me that Carlisle can be this good when I’ve had to deal with my father my whole life. I wonder if all other fathers are as good as him.

    Rosalie still gives me the cold shoulder most days. I don’t mind. I know she knows we’re family now. There’s no way around that. I know she doesn’t hate me, at least not as much as she did.

    The first time I leave the Cullen residence since everything is to go to Prom. Oddly, it’s Eddie who convinces me to go. Up until this point, he’s been hesitant to bring me out into the public while I heal. On top of my fragility, he still feels horribly guilty for what happened, no matter how much I tell him that I don’t blame him at all. Then, Prom rolls around, and suddenly our roles are reversed.

    My whole life, my father was not one for letting me out for anything but school. He was furious every time I came up with an excuse so I could go see Edward. School dances and other formal events were especially forbidden. I guess I’m still a little scared of the man even though he’s gone. But then Edward made this case that he wanted me to live a normal life (or at least as normal a life as we can manage). He also told me that he wouldn’t let my father come near me again, even if he was alive. I don’t know how. Eddie manages to make me feel so safe. So, here we are.

    Prom is objectively beautiful. I think I remember hearing something a while back about the theme being Monte Carlo. Alice was the one who made sure Edward and my outfits fit the theme to a T. The whole family looks amazing, and it’s fantastic to be included in that.

    Edward and I only stay in the main area for barely a half hour. We both get annoyed at the loudness of the party pretty fast.

    Outside, there’s this pretty gazebo that’s covered in fairy lights. That’s where Edward takes me. He pulls me close to him, and we start swaying to the slow music that’s playing.

    “Look at us. Dancing at Prom.” I smile at him. “And you said we didn’t have a normal life.”

    His lips up as well. “I didn’t say we didn’t have a normal life. I said I didn’t have a normal life, and I wanted the difference for you.”

    “Too late to turn back now,” I joke and lean into him. Silence floats between us, and I just listen to the music and think for a bit. I figure now is as good time as ever to bring it up. “I could’ve taken it, you know.”

    Eddie stays quiet.

    “It was hell,” I continue, “The worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but I can do it again.” I don’t need to name what I’m talking about.

    Edward knew. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want this.”

    “Yeah, I do,” I reply gently. I made my mind up while I was still in the hospital. “I never, ever want to let you go, Eddie. I want this.”

    Obviously, he doesn’t like what we’re talking about. The emotions I see cross his face are a little bit of anger, annoyance, and sadness, but mostly, it’s fear. He laments, “I’m not going to end your life for you.”

    “You really think you’d be ending my life?” I wonder, my eyes flicking between his. “Baby, my life so far has only been pain, guilt, and fear. But...eternity...with you? That’s more than life. That’s everything.”

    “But your life doesn’t have to be painful anymore,” Eddie answers so fast that he almost interrupts me. “I said that I wouldn’t change you, not that I was leaving you. You’ve made it clear enough that that isn’t an option,” he tries at a joke, but I can’t acknowledge it now. “I’m going to be with you the rest of your life. I’m going to protect you. You can finally live a normal life.”

    “A normal life is nothing compared to you.” Flashes of Edward as he is now with an elderly me light up my head. I hate it. I move away from those thoughts immediately. “Alice said that she saw me like you. I heard her.”

    He attempts to remind me. “Her visions change.”

    “They do. They’re based on what people decide. I’ve made my decision.”

    Edward pulls back from me a little. “So this is what you dream about? Becoming a monster?”

    I take his shoulders in my hands. “How many times do I have to tell you? You are not a monster. Your family are not monsters. Controlling the blood lust is something that can be taught. I’m willing to learn, no matter how hard it is. I want to be with you for the rest of your life, Edward. I want to be with you forever.”

    Right there, Edward gets a bittersweet look in his eye. “Forever?” he repeats. Slowly, he starts dipping me down, and leaning in towards my neck. “And you’re ready right now?”

    “Yes.” It’s the truth, but I know that it’s definite he won’t do anything now. He’s only trying to scare me away. I thought we were past this, but it’s clear to me now how much of a feat this next goal of mine will be to pull off.

    Edward doesn’t bite me, of course, but he does kiss my neck. He pulls away fast. He’s still upset. “Is it not enough just to have a long and happy life with me?” He straightens us up.

    “Not even a little,” I reiterate.

    Agitated, he turns away from me.

    Gently, I put my hand on his neck to encourage him to look at me again.

    He does.

    “But it is enough for now,” I clarify, hoping to put an end to this argument for the time being.

    Eddie understands.

    We rest our foreheads together, and just breathe.

    “I am proud of you, though, for kissing my neck.” A few months ago, I know he would have thought that impossible.

    My statement breaks the ice. He’s smiling again. Well, at least he is for a moment. Then, his face grows serious again, as Eddie’s face always does. He leans in again, and kisses my lips.

    We haven’t kissed since we went our separate ways before I got captured by James. Even after Eddie was able to stop himself from drinking my blood, Edward’s still cautious with me as ever. I still revel in kissing him as much as I always have.

    When we part, Edward whispers to me, “I am in love with you.”

    Those words bring tears to my eyes, even though I already know. “I haven’t said that yet, even after all this, haven’t I?”

    Eddie swipes the tears from my cheeks, but seeing it makes him cry as well. He shakes his head, because I don’t think he can form words at the moment.

    “Edward Cullen, I am in love with you,” I solidify. “I think I always have been.”

*******

Author’s Note: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING. I can’t believe I actually wrote this, but fuck it, I’m proud of how it turned out. Fill up that heart and reblog if you liked it as well. I would also really appreciate a comment if you left one. If you would like to read more, I have more fics over on my page. You should check it out. Have a nice day, night, or whatever time it is for you!!! <3 <3 <3

[dukeofonions]

So I thought I’d try something a little different (and slightly more fun than my usual saltiness) and do my own little personal ranking of Sanders Sides episodes! 

Now I actually haven’t watched anything from the series for awhile so these rankings are going to be based purely on my own memories of each episode and how much I remember enjoying them. I’ll also be splitting the rankings up so I’ll do season one today and season two later on.

Eventually I want to go back and actually rewatch everything but I’ll probably wait until the season two finale comes out (whenever the heck that will be) but until then I think this will cover it.

Also important to note is that I will not be counting Asides in this since 

1. I’m salty

 2. It’s not supposed to be Sanders Sides anyway so why include it?

and 3. I’m very salty.

Alright, let the ranking begin!

Dang, can you believe season one has seventeen episodes? Starting with My True Identity on October 19th, 2016 and ending with Accepting Anxiety on July 15th, 2017. 

These episodes were a lot shorter too. The longest one, Growing Up, is only about 15 minutes long (14:39 to be exact because I already have the playlist pulled up to get all these references so I might as well use the info I have) and the shortest episode was Way Too Adult that barely makes it to the four minute mark. (Okay it’s 4:18 but that’s still closer to four) 

It’s really interesting to see how much the series changed just throughout season one alone, especially once it shifts from just being a silly series of one shots to a series with more fleshed out characters and beginning to scratch the surface of dealing with heavier topics. 

How did it do for me personally? Well if you made it this far I assume you actually want to know my opinion so I’ll go ahead and tell you...

For real now, let the ranking begin!

*cue drum roll*

#17 I'm in a Disney Show

Yeah this one is pretty forgettable, and it really sticks out like a sore thumb among the other episodes in this series since it’s based on something that happened in real Thomas’s life and later on they try to establish that Sanders Sides isn’t about real Thomas. Not only that there wasn’t much in this episode that stuck out as funny to me. The only bit I actually remember laughing at was when the Sides were throwing around click bait titles. 

So yeah, boring episode, feels out of place, moving on.

#16 Becoming a Cartoon

Like with the last one this one is just very forgettable to me. It also features someone who turned out to be a pretty shitty person so I can’t even watch it without feeling uncomfortable.

The only thing I remember laughing at was Patton holding a potato. 

#15 My True Identity

Okay I know it’s harsh putting the first episode so low on the list, especially when most of my problems with it stem from it being made before there were any intentions to make it a series, but like the first two it’s also kinda boring. I mean on it’s own it does a good job of introducing people to the basic idea of the series and gives an idea of what the characters are like, but they all basically act like the same person (yes I’m aware of the irony) with just one or two minor things to set them apart. 

Can’t really hate this one like the other two since, again, this was made with no intention of plot or character development, so it’s only this low because it doesn’t really stick out to me. But hey, it did its job at getting people interested in the characters so in that aspect it did its job perfectly.

#14 Taking On Anxiety

Oh the second hand embarrassment in this episode is too much to bear. Honestly any episode that has Thomas interacting with someone from real life just feels so weird to me and takes me out of the episode. However, I do actually have a bit more positive things to say about this one. The advice they give is actually helpful, and my gosh I love pre-AA Virgil. 

The snark, the sass, it’s easy to see why he became a fan favorite so fast. And fortunately for me, there’s plenty of episodes for me to love him in before I start to hate him. 

#13 Way Too Adult

This is gonna sound repetitive but again, forgettable. Doesn’t give me second hand embarrassment or make me feel negative in any way so that’s why it’s higher than the others. And hey, 13 is one of my favorite numbers so that’s gotta count for something right?

The best part of this episode is Patton, I really miss the earlier version of him where he actually took on more of a fatherly figure and had more of a serious side. Not that I don’t like him now and I still think he’s one of the better written in the series (more on that in another post) but it’s kinda nice to see him being portrayed in a way that doesn’t feel like he’s being dumbed down for laughs or is just sad and confused.

#12 The Mind vs The Heart

Or as I like to call it “Selfishness vs Selflessness in Five Minutes.” This episode is way too relatable which is both fun but also I don’t need the reminder that I can’t say “no” to people, but that’s a me problem not the episode’s. I like the format of using cutaways to show examples of how Logan and Patton clash in Thomas’s day to day life and honestly I wish they’d use it more since I think they only do it in this episode and in Growing Up but I could be wrong and I’m too lazy to check.

All in all this a cute little episode (and not cute for the reason you might think) and I enjoy it. 

#11 Accepting Anxiety Part One

Honestly not much to say about this one? It’s funny watching Thomas’s antics while the Sides have to try and figure out what’s going on. Which is a nice change of pace from the usual “The Sides are being goofy and zany and Thomas has to try and get them on track” that I kinda notice throughout season one and that starts to change to become the norm in season two, but I’ll get to that later. 

Reason this one isn’t as high as others is just because besides that one gimmick of Thomas saying and doing silly stuff is that there isn’t much beyond that, and of course that’s just because this is the first part of a two part episode so I’ll give it grace for that. Still a great set up though and is funny on its own. 

#10 The Dark Side of Disney

Alright, we’ve made it to the top 10! Here’s where things start to get interesting.

Personally, I find this episode hilarious because I do this kind of stuff to “kid’s films” all the time. Never to actual kids but to adults, it’s fun to see just how dark I’ll go. 

Of course this isn’t really what the episode does, it talks more about the messages in these movies as opposed to talking about how “dark” they are. Which, now that I look back I clicked on this episode thinking that it was going to be a part of the latter and had no idea it was a Sanders Sides episode. Maybe that’s how I found the series? I always forget which episode was my first...

Back to the episode, it also establishes Virgil and Roman’s little dynamic of being rivals and I love it. They have some of the best exchanges in the series and it’s fun watching them go head to head here, and even bonding a little as well. All in all, fun episode that provides some good character moments and some laughs. 

#9 A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!

Just the song, man. It slaps. 

But am I the only one miffed that Virgil technically got a villain song (about lying no less) and Janus didn’t? Not even an evil reprise? Yeah that’s some bull spit right there.

#8 Growing Up

Aw, the first name reveal episode on this list! This episode is a lot of fun, mostly because of the scenarios they come up with and the little cutaways they add in. Seriously. Just use these more instead of going to these great lengths to show us something that can be accomplished in six seconds of footage. 

It also has one of my favorite moments with Logan quietly asking Patton what they’re doing wrong after Thomas tries to force himself into the “serious adult role.” I really got a soft spot for this episode and honestly talking about it makes me wanna watch it again, but I’ll hold off for now. 

And I think Patton has one of the best name reveals. Like Thomas really thought his name was Pattoncake, and Patton’s reaction is priceless. I still want to know what “Pattoncake” actually is and how it’s played, but part of me also accepts that it’s probably better if we never know. 

#7 Making Some Changes

Why are Thomas’s friends so good at acting as Thomas acting as his characters? Seriously half the time when I watch this episode my brain doesn’t acknowledge that the Sides are now being played by different people until halfway through. 

This episode is one of the funniest in my opinion, and one I remember coming back to a lot. Do I still want an episode where the Sides pretend to be each other? Yes. Do I know it’ll probably never happen and if it did they’d find some way to just make it full of angst? Yes, yes I do.

#6 Alone on Valentine's Day

The first episode to be officially cowritten by Joan, and it’s great. It’s hilarious, and just seeing all the varying ways each Side tries to portray their idea of romance is the cherry on top. What more can I say about this episode other than I’m curious as to what Janus and Remus would have contributed to a conversation like this, maybe they’ll do another episode like this in the future with their inclusion, but who knows what the heck they’re doing at this point.

#5 Sanders Sides Q&A

Top 5 here we go!!! This is when ranking started to get difficult because I love all of these episodes so much. Especially this one. I think I’ve watched this one more than any of them and why not? It’s just pure goofball shenanigans and seriously, Thomas, why haven’t you done another one yet? Especially with Janus and Remus?! I mean I get if you’re waiting for “all the characters” but come on man! I need more of the energy this episode gives off.

#4 My Negative Thinking

This episode made me realize just how underrated Logan and Virgil’s relationship is. It’s also the second entry in the “Logan Fights Everyone” saga. I do love how this episode has actually helped me with my own negative thinking and I just freaking love Virgil’s sass in this. 

Did I mention I also love Logan and Virgil’s friendship? Ah, good times when they all more or less liked each other. 

#3 Losing My Motivation

The set up of this episode is just brilliant. Having it be a “mystery” for Logan to solve with Patton as his sidekick provided a lot of laughs and one of my favorite Logan moments with his little bit he does after realizing he was the “culprit” in all of this. Ugh, I really wanna watch some of these episodes now but I’m gonna hold out. 

One thing is that I feel like Logan got the short end of the stick with his name reveal. Like Patton just casually calls him by his name like it’s no big deal, yet pretty much all of the other names are revealed after some kind of emotional moment and are treated as a big deal. If Patton was comfortable enough to just call Logan by his actual name and Logan himself was fine with it then why didn’t any of them introduce themselves before? There’s not really an explanation within the series itself as to why this is or why the Sides even have names in the first place, like it makes sense why Virgil or Janus would hide their names but Logan, Roman, and Patton have been there since day one so what gives?

My personal headcanon is that the three of them had a bet going on to see how long they could go without calling each other by their names in front of Thomas and Patton lost because he forgot. 

#2 Am I Original?

Look, Roman is my favorite so of course he’s up here! Not only that but this episode resonates with me a lot as a creative person, and I just love watching the Sides trying all the ideas Roman comes up with.

And his name reveal is also great, probably my favorite one, and of course it’s followed by the now infamous, “You’re my hero” line. But I’m just gonna ignore what became of that and focus on the fact that Roman was actually happy at the end of this episode.

#1 Accepting Anxiety Part Two

What can I say other than this was the perfect way to end this season? Virgil has been the outsider of the group since day one, and seeing him go from this snarky antagonist to gradually being tired with the role until he decides that it would be better if he just wasn’t around at all. This episode has some funny moments too, but what sticks out to me are the more emotional ones. 

Roman’s entire speech to Virgil is just *cheff’s kiss* perfection. Their relationship has finally come full circle and when Virgil smiles at him? Ah it’s so good!!! Like the music, the acting, all of it comes together so perfectly and it makes my heart happy. 

Virgil’s name reveal is also great, after being teased about it over and over again we finally get the real thing and it’s executed perfectly. Although my favorite thing about this episode is probably the end card, it’s so sweet and makes me all sentimental. Why? I dunno, I’m supposed to be heartless but I somehow find my heart melting when Patton gives Virgil the card anyway. Ah, I love Virgil’s relationships with the others by the end of this season, and honestly I would have been satisfied if this had been the end of it.

Just a neat little way to wrap up this neat little series. 

Of course we all know that wasn’t the case and oh boy things certainly took a turn, but that is for another post! 

And that was the first part of my ranking! Like I said this list might change once I go back and watch the series again, but I’m pretty sure things won’t change much then. 

I’m actually surprised at how many happy memories I have with the season, like I seriously want to just go back and watch my favorite episodes again because I’m all up in the nostalgia but again, I’ll hold off for now. 

I hope y’all enjoyed this and I’d be curious to see other people’s rankings of season one. I’m glad I was able to have fun with this and just gush about the series for awhile because oh boy I know things are gonna be very different once I get to season two...

[willddheartt]

30 Days | Wilbur Soot

30 days to fall in love with someone? Sounds easy right?

It would be if that person wasn’t so unbelievably annoying in almost every sense. 

You’re not sure how you found yourself in this situation, but you were positive there was no backing out now…

Series Warnings: Mostly fluff and angst, and a very poorly constructed enemies to lovers plot. 

Word Count: 1892

Masterlist Series Masterlist 30 Days The beginning

You sighed, staring at the black screen of your PC waiting for it to light up. After last night, you didn’t even want to log on, but you knew if you avoided it now, it would just cause more hassle in the long run.

The monitors light up with your bright coloured backgrounds and the PC itself emitted many colours of the rainbow.  Opening Discord, you started a message with Wilbur.

Did you hear? You type, clicking through a few channels as you awaited his response. 

Yeah, how’d this come about? his message read 

Your head shook as you typed and you ran a hand through your hair, pushing it back and out of your face, I don’t know. Hop in a VC and we can discuss better? 

You pulled on your headset, waiting for the call to come through, what you weren’t expecting was for Wilbur to video call you. You had just got out of bed before logging on and didn’t even have any makeup on and you were still in your cropped top and sleep bottoms. Quickly pulling the fuzzy blanket you kept on the back of your chair around your shoulders you answered the call. 

“Hey,” You answered with a sigh, setting your head in your hand.  “Hi,” He said, monotone.  “What’s he got on you?” You asked  “My home address and credit card information, stuff like that. And you?”  You sighed, knowing if you told the truth he might think even lower of you than he already did. “Same thing and like some stupid stuff I did in high school,”  Wilburs expression changed from annoyed to something you couldn’t read, “What did you do?”  “Relax,” You sighed, “It’s nothing like terrible, terrible.” “Do you not want to tell me?” He sat back in his chair  “I’d rather not,” You mumbled, “I don’t need you thinking lower of me than you already do.”  “Fine,” Wilbur sighed, “Do you want to talk about how we’re going to do this or not?” You nodded 

“What do you think the best approach would be?” You asked, sitting up and pulling your leg up.  “Well obviously, I think we should outline what the rules are.”  “Okay,” You nodded pulling up a note, “So we’re supposed to be dating right?” You asked, Wilbur, nodded. “So we should act like a couple,” You said as you typed out  “What about how we act on and off camera?” Wil asked  “What about it?” You asked, “On camera, we act so madly in love the fans won’t even question it, off-camera we can not speak or whatever we do now.”  Wil shook his head, “I think to get the best performance we’d have to truly play into this and act on and off camera.”  You threw your head back, “Really?” You asked  “Do you truly hate me that much, Y/N?” 

“Well no, it’s just I’d rather not.”  “Too bad, it’s already written.”  You sighed, “Fine.”  “Do you think we should tell our friends about the whole situation or just leave it as we’re a couple?” You asked  “Leave them out of the blackmail part, they could slip up.” You nod agreeing. 

After twenty minutes of back and forth, you devised a list of rules doe the month. 

They were as follows:

Must act like a couple on and off camera 

Must act like a couple at all times 

Every week doing things that couples would do (i.e. dates, movie nights, going out to dinner) 

Must post announcing you’re together, on Twitter Instagram or in a stream. 

Can only tell friends about you being together 

And you must see each other regularly. 

If either of you failed to do one of these things you immediately owe the other person $50

Wilbur was still on call with you after the list was created, you ended up talking about how you think the blackmailer got your information. Both of you were in the dark. 

Your roommate came in, interrupting your conversation, “Hey, Y/N, Wanna come with me to pick up food?” She asked stopping dead in her tracks when she saw Wilbur on your monitor.  You nodded, “Just give me a second here,” She waved as she exited the room.  “Sorry about that, Wil,” You said turning back to the camera. “Seems I’ve got to go, but we can talk more about this when I get back if you’d like.”  Wilbur nodded, “It was nice talking to you, love.” 

The pet name caught you off guard, you looked at Wilbur, who had the most shit-eating grin on his face you’d ever seen. “What?” He asked, tilting his head, “We have to start somewhere, thought now would be a good time.”  You sighed, “ill talk to you later Wilbur.” 

You ended the call and let your head fall into your hands. 

Man, this was going to be a long month. 

“Sorry about earlier.” Your roommate said once you walked out of your room  You shook your head, “Don’t worry about it, it was only Wilbur,”  “Wilbur?” She asked, “Don’t you, like, hate him?” “Hate is a strong word,” You sighed. “I think I’ve had a change of heart about him.” 

-

You got home to messages from Wilbur asking if you wanted to stream with him tonight to make your announcement, you grabbed a drink and something to eat and got ready to stream. This time you were able to get ready to be on camera. You did your makeup, simple winged eyeliner nothing too extravagant, and you put on a cute top, but kept on your pyjama bottoms. 

Are you setting up stream? You messaged Wilbur 

Yeah, are you ready? He replied within seconds

Ready as I’ll ever be. 

This time you called Wilbur, he picked up within seconds.  “I know this is only fake but im nervous,” You blurted out.  Wilbur nodded, “Me too,”  “How do you think the fans will react?” You asked  “Honestly?” You nodded, “I think the overall reaction will be good.”  “What about the ones that aren’t?” You were picking at your fingers, a nervous habit, “I don’t want to get death threats and that kind of thing,” You frowned.  “I’ll take care of it,” Wil said, his words brought you a sense of peace, and you waited for him to start streaming. 

As he welcomed everyone to the stream, you weren’t on screen yet. You had a few moments to take in his appearance. He was wearing a nice white button-down, and it looked like he tried to do something with his hard but failed and just let it slump in its natural half curly-half wavy state on his forehead. You smiled at him as he kept trying to shake the hair out of his eyes but it refused to move. 

“Well, chat,” He started, “There is someone very important to me that I’d like to introduce you to.” As he spoke you could feel the knots in your stomach, nervous for him to finally show your face cam on stream. “Now, you probably already know them but,” He paused, working things out to be able to show your cam on stream, “Y/N and I would like to tell you something,” He said, and your face popped up on his stream, you waved to the chat.  “Y/N, would you like to do the honours?” He asked with a smirk “I guess so,” You put on the biggest smile you could muster before it looked fake and forced, “Chat,” You said. “Wil and I are dating!” You announced and he cheered.  The chat exploded with hearts and Pogs, of course, there were the normal hate comments, but those were almost drowned out by all the emotes. 

“Okay now, I don’t want to see anybody hating on Y/N, Okay?” Wilbur said in a stern voice, looking directly at the camera, “Mods if you can, keep it out of the chat. And chat, keep it off the social media, Okay?” He waited for responses in the chat to roll through before continuing, “If you haven't got anything nice to say, let’s not say it alright?”  You nodded along with him, secretly admiring how adamant he was about keeping the hate away, you knew Wilbur was the type of gut to do that but you didn't think he'd do it for you, especially where the two of you weren't even truly together.

“Okay, so Y/N and I here, didn’t really talk about what we were going to do on here, we just wanted to announce the news, but I guess we’ll stick around and answer a few questions for about an hour, hows that sound?”  You nodded, “That sounds good to me. Chat if you have any questions to ask us, about our relationship or just personally send them in the chat or whatever you’d like to do. 

You and Wilbur sat on stream for close to an hour talking to the chat and receiving many donations asking questions and answering the chat, they seemed to love that the two of you were ‘together’. You read a few things saying “Enemies to lovers? POG” in the chat that made you laugh to yourself, telling Wil you’d tell him later when he asked what was so funny. 

Truthfully, you didn’t hate Wilbur as much as you’ve convinced yourself you have. Sometimes the acting and just messing around on the SMP got blurry in your mind, a lot of the things you found revolting about him were things his character had done for the sake of plot development. 

Wilbur finally ended the stream, you both said bye to chat and he went off.  “That went well, don't you think?” He asked, sighing as soon as the stream was over. “I think it was good, their reaction seemed to be positive.” You sat back in your chair.  “What did you find so funny in the chat?” He asked, throwing an arm behind his head as he leaned back in his chair. You giggled as you thought about it again, “I saw some people saying ‘enemies to lovers? Pog’ in the chat and I thought it was really funny.” “I mean, they're technically not wrong.” You rolled your eyes, looking down at the time in the corner of your monitor. 

It was late. Almost three am. 

“Hey, I’ll talk to you tomorrow Wil, alright? I should go to bed soon.”  Wil nodded, “Talk to you tomorrow, Y/N, sleep well.” He smiled as he hit the end call button. 

You sat in your dimly lit room in complete silence, other than the noise of the fans in your PC. You couldn’t believe you had to do this for a month. You truly wondered how you could do this, it was only day one and you wanted to crawl out of your skin and wash off the feeling that he gave you. In your act you could see how you might be able to fall for him, but once the call ended and you were snapped back to reality, you wished to take the hottest and longest shower in the word and wash the feeling of him away, watch the dirt slide down the drain and out of your mind. 

“You can do this. It's only a month,” You whispered to yourself.

[dastardlydandelion]

I wish you would write a fic where Susan got to keep her baby for once.

well. hm. what would this look like in my hands. okay, okay, so in this particular scenario, i actually imagine neil was putting 2 + 2 together and finding out susan's preggo right after the move. like, even before susan does. and she's all kinds of alarmed but neil is?? oddly excited?

he's all like, "isn't this great? we get to have a new baby in this new town. what a perfect way to cement our brand new life, huh?"

and susan doesn't want to be hopeful but with neil's positive reaction, she tentatively feels hope anyway. maybe things rly will be different, right?

continues under the cut bc this got fucking long.

yeah, well, neil's good mood lasts until it's actually born and responsibilities ensue. he never had to deal with billy as a baby rly, bc billy's mom took care of that part and also, like. in this 'verse at least, billy was a low-maintenance baby. didn't cry much. maybe he did at first but like, after being dropped on the head a couple times, he just went quiet and didn't rly bother anybody after that. wouldn't get loud again until elementary age. and max didn't come into neil's life until she was even elementary age, so defo past all the baby stuff.

the new infant tho screams like a mofo. everybody in the house is on edge. sleep is hard to come by for the whole household. the care and keeping responsibilities mostly fall on susan but neil holds it against her every. single. time. he has to change a diaper or hold a bottle, as if it's some major failing on susan's part that he should ever have to do anything like this at all.

max tries to help but she can't even hold the baby tbh. it makes her v uncomfortable, she never gets it right and doesn't know what to do when it squirms!! what if she drops it!? plus she thinks baby smells weird even when it's got a clean diaper, an unappealing mashed food and powder combo with a lingering whiff of wet rubber. and billy. is billy. he has to watch it sometimes, naturally. if it's just him and baby at home, he'll blast his stereo to cover up the crying, as long as he knows its other needs have been tended to. like, yk, the "it'll cry itself to sleep eventually," approach. which works actually. metallica becomes the go-to baby lullaby.

but lo and behold, when it's like, let's say 6 months or smth, baby gets an ear infection. like babies do. won't stop wailing. just. will NOT stop. v much in pain and has no other means of communication. neil and max are home. billy is on a date. susan's stuck in a long line at the grocery store. neil had a shitty day at work and he's already aggravated. pacifier isn't working, lil thing just keeps hollering, so. in a burst of frustration, he starts throttling baby. max is in her own room but hears it the second the noises change and hurries to help, blood ice cold.

she stops neil from killing baby sibling but gets a black eye and a bloody nose for her troubles. this is what susan comes home to. i've written a lot of susan kills neil scenarios but i think this is the first one that comes to mind where in this round, it really is out of anger and not fear. both are present, ofc. but the actual act on her part is one of anger. bc she feels stupid that he ever had her the slightest bit convinced a new baby would make anything better. that neil ever made her feel like he'd be better and instead, he chose to be even worse. susan ties him to the bedposts under the guise of a sex thing, convincing neil she wants to treat him to smth special bc he's been oh so stressed out lately. bashes his brains in with a hammer at least 20 times, a la sally challen style.

alas, reality commences and susan goes to prison. ig a long time ago there was this made for tv movie abt this lady killing her abusive husband by setting the bed aflame that gave the public the misconception that women who kill their abusers are typically acquitted, but uh, that's not true. yeah, it was true for the lady whom the movie was based off of, but usually they're convicted and serve unduly harsh sentences for their "crimes." but if i get on that soap box, we gonna be here the whole fucking day, so, moving on now. susan's off to the big house. albeit both baby and max's injuries are documented and considered mitigating circumstances so her charges are reduced from first degree murder to voluntary manslaughter with the potential for early release.

billy's close to 19 so he's an adult, if only technically speaking. has custody of baby and max. i've decided baby in this 'verse is amab but will eventually come out as trans when she's abt ten yrs old. billy tries his best. max tries her best too. baby's nickname is ducky bc the rubber duck?? by far the favorite toy!! baby p much lives in the bathtub, playing with the rubber duck. billy, who would move them back to cali in a heartbeat if it wasn't so far from susan's prison, defo relates. he's also aquatic by nature.

okay, so the move back to cali does happen. over the months of her kids coming to visit her in prison susan can see how exhausted the teenagers are and she's p much just like, 'u guys gotta go. get outta this rural heckhole u hate, stop bringing urselves n my bby to this dismal place.' and they don't think she's serious but the next time they come to visit, she doesn't meet them, so. yup. serious it is. billy, max, n baby take neil's life insurance money and head off to cali.

this is a modern au, okay, inmates sneaking smartphones into the prison n all that. so susan makes deals and friends and does favors, and gets some help from the ones who are good at bitcoin and scams and counterfeiting and what have you. this enables her to do discreet online "shopping." so she gets ducky all kinds of rubber ducks, at least a handful of times a year. the ducks get more unique and less childish as ducky grows. susan apologizes almost every time she talks to the older kids on the phone for like, five yrs. max isn't rly angry with how things ended with neil tho, more so has that residual anger that susan ever got together with neil in the first place. billy doesn't rly know what to feel tbh, accepts the apologies p numbly bc he's too damn exhausted with being the primary caregiver in over his head to even think abt how he feels at the end of the day.

susan gets released on good behavior around the same time ducky comes out, announcing she's a girl. it's an adjustment for billy and max to get used to bc they never rly suspected, but they're 100% supportive. susan is...oddly excited? not for selfless reasons (tho she is earnestly supportive) but bc it's like. not only does that mean trashing the masculine deadname neil had adamantly declared for ducky, but it means all in all, she got out at the perfect time bc she gets to be introduced to the authentic version of her child along w errbody else. makes her feel less left behind, like she didn't miss out on errything despite being put away for a decade. susan moves in with all of them, obvi, in a small house by the seaside filled to the brim with rubber ducks (billy and max also contributed to ducky's collection on birthdays and holidays, the first duck billy ever got has skulls, and the first max ever got is a frankenstein monster duck). home is cluttered, awkward, and tentative but free of fear and ripe with *genuine* new beginnings.

believe me, anonymoose, i am just as surprised as u are at how fuckin long this got.

[army-of-mai-lovers]

I’m not sure if you’ve answered this question before so apologies if you have! What’s the best movie you’ve seen?

anon this is such a nice ask thank you so much! the way I categorize movies is weird because there’s “best movie I’ve ever seen” like it’s the best technically and it’s written really well and it talks about important subjects and all that jazz, and then there’s “best movie I’ve ever seen” like it makes me feel good and I can look past any flaws because I just love it so much. So technically the best movie I’ve ever seen is Sorry to Bother You or Moonlight or Malcolm X or Get Out, which actually I’m planning to rewatch all of those soon bc Black History Month. StBY this really excellent allegorical critique of racial capitalism, and the layers of it are super interesting and weird and cool and the camera work and lighting and writing and acting are *amazing* and TESSA THOMPSON’S IN IT. And then I’m sure you’ve at least heard of Moonlight, but I know so many people who have *heard* of Moonlight and celebrated it winning the Oscar for best picture but haven’t actually watched it, or don’t think about it anymore, and honestly I really hate that. So, if you haven’t seen it, it’s a wonderful film, the acting and direction and writing is absolutely spectacular, and I’m honestly crying just thinking about it. Also, JANELLE MONAE’S IN IT. And then there’s Malcolm X, which honestly, all biopics should aspire to be that good. Spike Lee definitely has a style and sometimes that style gets to be a lot, but in this movie it actually works really well and draws you in. I’ll be honest about halfway through I just forgot I was watching a movie at all, and when the credits started rolling I couldn’t even process that Angela Bassett had been playing Betty Shabazz and that I hadn’t just been watching Betty Shabazz. If you’ve never seen Angela Bassett in anything but Black Panther, do yourself a favor, and watch Malcolm X. 

Speaking of, honorable mentions to Black Panther, Waves, and Frida. I remember seeing Black Panther in theaters with my white cishet dude nerd friend and feeling like I had just been transported to another plane, and I looked over at him and asked him what he thought and he was like “yeah it was good.” And then we saw Infinity War a month later and he was like HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AMAZING. I and every other Black person I know except for my little sister saw Black Panther when it came out (even my mom, who hates movies) and it was just so affirming to see a cool big budget film from a franchise that I’ve been following since I was a kid release a movie that went beyond being a “race film” while still talking about issues that affect Black folks everywhere in a meaningful way. My brother made me watch Waves a few months ago (but I didn’t mind bc I will watch literally everything Sterling K. Brown is in) and it was technically beautiful and I loved it a lot, but also it was so violent and terrifying and I actually cannot watch it again for my own health so. Watch it at least once, if you’re the type of person who can rewatch Parasite then you’re the type of person who can watch this movie and be fine, I just can’t deal with violence like that. And Frida I had been meaning to watch and I finally sat down and did it like two months ago and it was absolutely fabulous. The director did a really good job blending the surrealistic elements with the more realistic ones, the acting was stellar, the story was told in such a moving way, cannot recommend enough. 

As for movies that bring me enough comfort and joy that I overlook their flaws--Birds of Prey, 27 Dresses, Mamma Mia, The Devil Wears Prada, Legally Blonde, Brooklyn, What a Girl Wants, and Sydney White. This is not to say that any of these movies are bad (although the Amanda Bynes ones are bad, that’s just a fact). What I’m saying is this is what I watch for fun, when I want to turn my brain off. And that might seem weird if you know anything about Brooklyn bc it’s very much an Oscar bait prestige picture, but I’ve seen it like ten times at this point, I get the point, honestly I can’t even tell you why I like that movie so much but it’s the only movie I’ve ever watched twice in the same day, like I literally finished the movie and started it over in that moment, and I don’t understand why. What a Girl Wants, Sydney White, Legally Blonde, and most recently Birds of Prey are my breakup/romantic disappointment movies, as in I put them in the rotation when I get dumped or stood up or rejected. Birds of Prey and Legally Blonde are of course actually good movies that make me feel more confident and better about myself, hence why I like them and put them in the rotation when I’m at my lowest, and the Amanda Bynes movies are there because they remind me of happier times in my childhood (and in the case of What A Girl Wants, Colin Firth is there). Mamma Mia and The Devil Wears Prada are there mostly because I love Meryl Streep and Amanda Seyfried and Anne Hathaway (but mostly Meryl) and they are just excellent feel good films (also the cerulean scene? I die every time). And 27 Dresses is my favorite rom com of all time, because I relate to Jane and yes that does concern me, and it falls in the Brooklyn category of frequent rewatches (though not *quite* as frequently)

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of sex, Kind Ransom, I don’t thing there’s any others but if there is let me know!

A/N: I’m really proud of this and it isn’t really something I’ve ever done before so I’m quite nervous but excited to show you, I got this idea off of @stargazingfangirl18 and thanks to @canadianhufflepuffavenger for helping me with this and plenty other of my works, hope you enjoy!

Thrombey AU headcanon

It was hard being a Thrombey

Especially since you were the younger sister of Ransom Drysdale, Andy Thrombey and Steve Thrombey

They were easily your favourite relatives, all at number 1 because of the simple fact they were triplets

You were an angel to your parents, but when it came to your brothers, it was a battle on who could insult each other the most

Ransom would never hold back

Andy was always doing it secretly: whether that be writing stupid insults on a napkin at dinner or whispering it to you when your parents weren’t looking

Stevie just didn’t want to hurt his younger sister's feelings: although he had no problem being the one that started the biggest fist fights between his triplets.

“Brat” was always Ransoms go to

But technically he had a point

Whenever you didn’t get your way all you had to do was pull out the puppy dog eyes and no one could ever say no

How could they?

Since you were the youngest in the family it was an expectation to be adorable

So, you used that to your advantage

One day at the Thrombey mansion a visitor arrived

It was safe to say they were a stuck up rich couple

Your parents had invited the family to a dinner with them and their son.

Older than you, but he acted like a two year old with the way he started crying when he got told he couldn’t get his 6th TV

When the couple asked about you and whether you would be able to visit their mansion to have a “play date ” with their son, all you had to do was act innocent

Slipping your hand into your brother Andys, who was sat next to you, both eyes started to tear up

Inside your head was just providing commentary

“I would rather chew off my own foot”

It was a surprise that those acting lessons that your grandfather bought you a couple years ago started to pay off

Everyone instantly started worrying

“Oh what’s wrong?!”

“Are you okay?”

“What happened?”

Including your brother Andy who held you, basically on his lap and rubbed your back

Even in the midst of all the questioning you kept a straight face

But in the corner of your eye you could have sworn you saw Ransom smirk at you

Eventually Steve figured out what was “wrong” from his spot across the table

“Do you not want to go?”

The triplets were horrors with each other, it didn’t even matter if your parents were around

Hair pulling was common

So was tackling

But most of all, it was arguing over who you loved best

“I’m her favourite!”

“No way Andy, I’m the obvious answer”

“Shut up Ransom, she likes me best!”

“No way Steve!”

But you always said to each of them you loved them the most

Separately of course

Even at the dinner table they argued

It didn’t matter where it was, or what it was about

Just as long as the three of them had different opinions it was always gonna escalate to yelling and more often than not, punching

They all each had special things that you’d do together

It was normal for you to hang out in Steve’s room most often since it was the calmest, although sometimes you left the room so he could talk to his boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, in private

Both Andy and you had movie binges, mostly horror and you hid in his arms but he wasn’t complaining

Ransom would say this was a lie anytime he got confronted but, you and him listened to audiobooks while he cuddled you. (Fun fact: Ransom is a big hugger whether or not he admits it)

As you all got older and the got into their late 20’s and still lived in the house, you moved into the end of primary school things started to change

They decided that they no longer wanted to live in the wreck they called their home and moved out and on with their separate lives

No longer were you in a house full of noise where your brothers were yelling about stupid stuff and running into your rooms at random moments and chatting with you for no reason

It was as though they had disappeared off of the face of the earth

And you were alone

For the longest time you wondered whether they had forgotten about you

Until one day your brother Ransom, pulled up outside the mansion in his beemer and sunglasses equipt

It was easily one of the biggest hugs you’ve ever given him

And you were pretty sure you saw him tear up after it but he just denied it immediately

So he took you to his house and broke the news to you that you now were living with him permanently not that you were complaining

You also found out Andy had got himself a job as an assistant district attorney

Which you had no idea what that meant, and Ransom didn’t either

And Steve has got himself a Job at Stark Industries where, coincidentally his childhood “friend” worked there as head

You were pretty sure he’d shagged him to get the job but…

And so then immediately Andy and Steve said they wanted to see you

Which you accepted, even though you were still a little salty they hadn’t been in contact with you for like 4 years

Steve may or may not have started crying to which your other two brothers rolled their eyes

Probably thinking “how am I related to this?”

The food was good at the takeout

Andy apologised for not coming to get you long before Ransom did

And you also found out he had a new born kid called Jacob

But you refused to be called aunt. It just sounded weird.

“So you're staying with Ransom?”

“Yep, if he’ll shut his gob”

He just rolled his eyes at you

“I forgot how fucking annoying you were”

After that Ransom picked up a new iPhone for you with one of his “many stacks of cash” as he put it, so you could keep in touch with your other brothers

And to call sos on them when you heard “sounds” coming from across the hall where his bedroom was

When you were in the middle of high school you went to live with Andy for awhile to give Ransom a breather from having a teenager in his house 24/7

You became quite good friends with the toddler despite the prominent age gap and you were even the person he came to when Jacob had nightmares

Something Andy took a photo of when he went to wake you up one morning when he found the two of you curled up on your bed

It was blackmail, so whenever you stole one of his T-shirt’s and added it to the pile of Ransoms sweaters you’d stole from him, sometimes you’d have to give it back so he didn’t send the picture to his brother

Only sometimes though

The boy still had pity in him

So then on a Friday night when you were watching a movie you suddenly got a text from your other brother, Steve

Apparently he was getting married?!

And guess to who?

Bucky fucking Barnes

Who would’ve thought.

Talk about childhood sweethearts

Andy was very proud of his brother for getting married and gave him advice for what to do and not what not to do

But Ransom though, he was pissed

Now he was gonna have to go to a wedding. A wedding.

You honestly couldn’t care less though, quite happy for my brother

Ransom was also surprised he was gay but we’ll just egnore him

The food was very nice there

You were even a bridesmaid, which you had objected to at first but Steve said you had to do it or else he wouldn’t even get married at all

Peer pressure that was.

Ransom hated everyone there

Apart from you of course

His own words, not yours

Everything went surprisingly well, your brother and Bucky both got their speech perfect and no one forgot any thing

After the ceremony and meal Steve decided he wanted to go out for takeout before the honeymoon with the four of you (that being his boyfriend husband, you, Ransom & Andy)

You sat across from the newly wedded couple and you and your brothers on the other side

Steve asked you where you’re gonna stay now

Ransom was quick to offer up his place

“It’s no big deal, she can stay me”

Andy just smirked

“What’re you bloody smirking about An’?”

he just denied it

“It’s really a pleasure to meet you (Y/N)”

Bucky told you, now directing his attention to you since you’d both not talked nearly the whole day

“Aren’t you like… my brother in law now?”

“Yeah, I am, only if you’d be willing to be my sister in law”

He was really quite nice

Ransom wasn’t so accepting though

Andy and Steve just told him to shut the fuck up

And that led to the three of them bickering the whole way home and occasionally a few hits, while you and Bucky just walked behind them shaking your heads

Brothers really never change

You would know

Written by me. Wattpad; @Lozzypoz321 Tumblr side acc; @padfootbuckster Pinterest; @lozzypoz321

PLEASE DON’T COPY MY WORK 💖

@marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @stargazingfangirl18 @rae-is-typing @canadianhufflepuffavenger @an-adventureland (if you would like to be added to the tag list, please don’t be afraid to ask!)

[sodalitefully]

Enter freely and of your own will [GNR, Sluff AU]

I know, I know, I've written vampire AUs before… Several times.  But I had to write something about what a nerd Slash is for vampire fiction!  Mostly inspired by interviews Slash gave after gnr covered Sympathy For The Devil for Interview With A Vampire (so any digs at the movie adaptation are based on Slash’s opinion, not mine – I’ve never seen it!).  Occasional mentions of blood and stuff, but not particularly graphic.  This fic is expanding on an AU I originally drew here.

~~~~

In my mind, it all played out like the plot of a paranormal romance novel.  I’ve gotten familiar with those lately, thanks to the collection hidden in the bottom shelves of Slash’s library, buried below the gothic horror classics, the crime thrillers, and about a mountain of nonfiction.  Hell, I could probably write my own!  “Tall blonde unexpectedly falls for rock and roll bad boy with a dark secret,” yeah, the readers would eat that up.  Of course, our love story didn’t really start when the unsuspecting protagonist moved to a new city, or when the leather-clad love interest showed off his supernatural shredding skills.  No, I’d say it started a couple years later, when I found out Slash’s other deep, dark, embarrassing secret.   

It wasn’t a dark and stormy night… but it was a movie night at my place, a tradition for Slash and I.  Whenever we needed a break from the so-called rockstar lifestyle, we’d get together for a night in, smoke some pot and put on a movie. Slash laid back on my couch while I dug through a cabinet packed with VHS tapes and listed off a few options: 

“Let’s see, we have Jurassic Park, Alien, Interview With a Vampire – Uh, sorry, I guess that would be weird huh?”  Slash made a sour face. 

“Ugh.  I hate that movie, it’s such a bad adaptation. Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt, seriously?” 

“Wait,” I dropped The Empire Strikes Back and Blazing Saddles onto the growing heap of tapes and sat back on my heels to look at Slash in surprise. "You’ve seen it before?” 

“Uh…” Vampires may not be able to blush but I'd known Slash long enough to tell when he’s flustered.   

“And you’ve read the book?” 

“… Yes?”  I laughed, Slash ducked and hid his face, obviously feeling self-conscious, but I didn’t mean to laugh at him.  It was just… 

I’d assumed that a real-life vampire would roll their eyes at the cliche, over-romanticized movie interpretations of their kind.  Instead, I learned of Slash’s (nearly) indiscriminate love for all things vampire, anything from Carmilla to Buffy The Vampire Slayer.  He was a sucker (hah, get it?) for dripping fangs, swishing capes, even those crazy accents, ever since he was a kid.  And I can’t lie, it was pretty endearing.  I wasn’t in love with him yet, but the more he told me about his obsession, the more warm and tingly I felt, charmed by how genuine he was – Hell, I barely even teased him about it!  Somehow, that conversation felt even more personal than finding out he was a damn vampire.  I was really touched that he felt comfortable sharing his interests with me, that he trusted me with his softer, nerdier, more romantic side.   

I resisted the temptation to press for more details that night, but a month or so later, I caught him in the act!  I remember waking up in the afternoon after crashing at his place so late it was early the night before.  I wandered around his big, spooky house until I found Slash curled up in one of his fancy antique armchairs, his legs dangling over the armrest and a paperback book cradled in his lap.  I couldn’t make out the curlicued script on the cover, but from the captivated look on his face it was a favorite – his eyes were bright as they darted across the page, and his lips curled into a warm, gentle smile. 

I couldn’t stand to disturb him, so I snuck off before he noticed me in the doorway, and headed down the hall to the room he’d transformed into a tiny library – The man had a library in his house; between that and the subtly gothic decor it was hard to believe I never noticed that Slash was playing up the vampire aesthetic, consciously or not!  Anyway, I poked around until I found where he hid his collection of vampire lit, and snatched a few that were, shall we say, not quite as acclaimed as Dracula or even The Vampire Chronicles.  I don’t remember the titles, but there were a couple paperback romances and a horror novel with a badass-looking dude on the cover. 

I had to see what all the fuss was about, you know?  Yeah, this kind of thing wasn’t exactly up my alley, but Slash usually had good taste, so I figured it couldn’t hurt to check it out.  Plus, if it was important to Slash, I wanted to know about it!  And not just the well-known classics either; I wanted the guilty pleasures, I wanted to see what it was that could make Slash smile like that when no one was watching. 

I’ll be honest, it wasn’t bad.  I wasn’t a big reader at the time, but I raced through the horror novel in just two days, and trust me, I barely slept the night in between!  The trashy romance was more enjoyable than I would ever admit; even with all the cliches and melodrama there was something compelling about unraveling the tangled web of forbidden love in a world full of the supernatural. 

At this point, I was very cautiously beginning to entertain the idea that I might see Slash as more than just a buddy and a bandmate.  As friends, were were closer than ever, hardly spent a day apart, and I was beginning to notice things that I hadn’t noticed before.  Things like the way he always smiled at my lame jokes, the way he leaned on my shoulder when he was pretending to be drunk, the way he tossed his hair on stage… And I couldn’t help wondering whether Slash identified more with the heroine or the love interest.  Did he want to be the cool, mysterious vampire lover, or the unsuspecting protagonist who gets drawn into an alluring new world? 

I got my answer a couple months later, in town again after a leg on the road. It was a steaming hot summer day back in L.A., and Slash was dozing on his couch. This wasn’t unusual in and of itself, Slash’s sleep schedule had been fucked for as long as I'd known him. No, what made this instance significant was that I was also on the couch, reclined with my feet over the armrest and Slash draped across my chest. Tales From The Crypt played at a murmur on a brand-new TV set, but I wasn’t paying any attention. 

See, at this point I’d recently learned that, when Slash focused hard enough, he could hear a living person’s blood pulsing in their veins and detect changes in body temperature.  And that had me wondering: Could he tell that my heart beat faster when he leaned against me on stage?  Could he tell that my ears got warm every time he turned a smile my way? 

Could he tell how much I was affected by his weight on top of me?   

He was like a huge cat in my lap, relaxed from head to toe.  If you paid attention, you could tell that he was breathing more slowly that an ordinary human should be and his bare skin was slightly cool.  Other than that he looked completely normal… Except for his teeth.  His mouth was slightly open, allowing his pointed, knife-sharp teeth to scrape against his lower lip. 

To Slash’s chagrin, they weren't gleaming white, perfectly straight fangs; instead they more closely resembled a shark’s jaw, crowded with small flesh-tearing blades.  It was rare to see them exposed, Slash was careful to limit himself to tight-lipped smiles and mumbled dialogue whenever his secret was at risk. Even in private he was self-conscious about it, and I considered myself lucky when he grinned openly in my presence. 

“Hey, Slash?”   

“…Hmm?” Languidly, he shifted until he was looking up at me.  Midafternoon sun leaked through the blinds brightly enough for me to make out a hint of red in his eyes, the other (un)dead giveaway that was usually obscured by his sedately lidded gaze.   

"You know how you said the other day that you have really strong senses? Well... I was wondering what other, uh, non-human traits you have. How true are the myths about vampires, really?” 

“Well… Hm.  My eyes are pretty sensitive to daylight.  And technically I’m nocturnal.  But I don’t have fangs, I don’t really look like a vampire and I don’t have superpowers.” I swear to god, he pouted a little.  "All things considered I didn’t really get any of the cool stuff." 

“No super-strength?  Or mind reading? Can you shapeshift into a bat?” 

“Don’t you think I’d tell you if I could turn into a bat?  At least I don’t have any of those stupid weaknesses, I can be in the sun and eat garlic and whatever.” He paused ponderously. “…You know, I might be immortal, I was around a long time before Tony and Ola took me in.  Guess I’ll find out in a few decades.” 

“That would be pretty cool.” 

“Yeah, maybe." 

“So... do you enthrall your victims?” I prodded, in a spooky, menacing voice belied by my goofy grin. 

Slash snorted a laugh and shook his head at my antics. “No, I can’t do that either.  Well, I don’t know, do you feel enthralled?” 

I laughed awkwardly and counted my blessings when Slash didn't notice that my unspoken answer was an empathetic Yes. 

Slash chuckled with me, then sighed.  “Fuck, I wish vampires like that were real, though…” he confessed softly. 

“Like what?” 

“You know, badass, seductive, awesome powers…” He waved a hand toward a pinup poster on the wall with a corset and fangs, then let his head fall back to my chest.  He mumbled into my shirt, “Is it really so much to ask for a sexy vampire to come and sweep me off my feet?” 

“Slash, I hate to tell you this, but…” I couldn’t make it through the sentence with a straight face. 

He swatted my bicep – pretty hard too, was he sure he didn’t have super-strength? “Fuck you, Duff, you know what I mean." 

And, yeah, dreaming of being wooed by a beautiful, badass, intelligent and darkly mysterious vampire?  Who appeared in my life and changed it forever, who blew me away with his capability and his passion?  Who could captivate me with just a look? 

Yeah. Believe me, I could relate.

~~~~

Happy Halloween! 

[deliciousscaloppine]

Hot Takes Galore: A brief overview of fandom backlashes that influenced fanfiction writing traditions as I have personally experienced them:

In today’s segment I am going to talk about copyright infringement.

First let me preface this by saying I have only ever been in 3 fandoms, starting from 2008 and I have never been terribly active - like this blog has been the most active I’ve ever been in any fandom ever. I am not going to talk about particular fandom dramas because I am pretty clueless about that. What I am going to talk about is that friction between “reality” and online spaces that brought about changes that are still in effect today in the way fanfiction is written and perceived.

In 2008 as I was entering, nearly every piece of fanfiction had a disclaimer about the author not owning the characters, which were the property of Corporate Entity X, or Author Y, and also not profiting from the work in any shape or form. At the time getting money from writing fanfiction was a gigantic taboo, and almost no one did it, or advertised that they did. 

But as I understand through convention culture printed writing did circulate in exchange for money (zines), and at least in Japan one could sell doujinshis (self-published stories and comics, often within the framework of another work) in certain events. Although this was largely considered “illegal” under copyright laws, and artists could be persecuted or blacklisted from entering the industry if discovered. That’s also why fanartists often to this day may screen where and when their work is viewed, and move to take down reposts, or call others to protest if artworks are circulated without permission outside of the artist’s page.

Older fandom people also hated authors that moved against fanfiction, a big case being Anne Rice, the vampire lady everyone - including me - copies when writing about vampires. And now I am going to talk a little about that.

Usually, writers, just sit somewhere cosy and write, and often they have no idea, absolutely no idea, on how to manage their writing properties - usually a lawyer does that, and lawyers want A Lot Of Money (A brief brush with justice and lawyers over a civil dispute I won, cost me 1000 euros out of nowhere, in a single day, and no I couldn’t avoid it because I was the accused one, so I had to appear with some representation). 

So sometimes, quite often, it’s a lawyer that activates a writer or other artist to move against “smaller” copyright infringements, in order to make bank. And if one suffers such a case, they should make it as apparent as possible to the other party that they have no money, and the pressure will go away immediately. But even MORE OFTEN a small copyright infringement, may lead to a sequence of bigger ones, and ultimately the de facto loss of rights from one’s writing properties, and of course revenue. 

And for a lot of published authors, they just don’t know for how long they can publish things - publishing houses that have them signed can close, book sales can drop, tastes change, personal problems, and anything else may mean that they could find themselves without a source of income at any point in the future, while they are aging and becoming more and more irrelevant. 

A very famous case currently, is that of Alan Dean Foster, the writer who has done some novelizations for movies like Star Wars and Alien, and is no longer receiving revenue from that - while his wife is hospitalized and their family needs the income - because Disney absorbed the company that had signed the contract with him, and chose to not honor the previous contract. To make them pay he will have to go into a huge legal battle with a corporate giant, which he cannot afford. But they still absorb income from these novelizations.

But how does fanfiction tie into that, and Anne Rice’s case (which if memory serves right, also went through a series of personal problems, including her husband’s death during that time). 

So for a lot of writers, fanfiction may be that tiny breach that may threaten their rights in the future from tresspases of distribution networks. Meaning, people write vampire fanfiction based on Anne Rice’s work? What if another publishing house used the template of her works (historical settings, bleeding orifices, religious themes, homosexuality and sexual trauma etc) and produced a royalty free series of such works with a team of professional writers that do not own the work - who often have less rights, like not owning the characters, or the storylines, participating in a very small scale, so their payment goes down etc)

And in this way EVERYONE SUFFERS. Big Name Published Author fades into obscurity and goes into poverty and payroll writers are horrifically abused.  

A lot of hobbyists, and hobbyist writers whose sole dream is to be published in some shape or form, do not really care, and do not concern themselves with the legal aspect of creation, or the technical skill that it takes to produce writing on a consistent basis, which can only happen if you’ve got your basic needs covered. So they might see this type of backlash as inherently privileged. 

But it’s not really a privilege, there has been a global recession in basic working rights for everyone, and lovers of fiction don’t have to condone, of course, attacks against them, but they need to put that kind of backlash in perspective. Someone did write the content you enjoy, THEY ARE NOT DEAD YET, and may have opinions on how it should be managed, especially when it pertains to their livelihood. 

It’s a delicate balance that we all must keep in order to keep corporate regulations out of it.

For instance with the recent danmei explosion The Untamed brought forth, Ao3 was banned in China. Now a lot of you might know that this was caused by some real person fic involving the actor Xiao Zhan, which led to a whole other level of drama. But make no mistake this was a political act to protect the interests of the domestic publishing industry as it prepares to do an international opening that will bring in several billions from foreign markets.

Because Ao3 has been expanding as a platform globally it brings about changes, and in many cases steals readers away from traditional publishing, so it becomes unacceptable economically for a bunch of hobbyists to influence tastes, market mores, and create sensationalism around certain properties out of literally the blue. This is not a good thing for a lot of corporate thinking, they set the product and we are supposed to buy it. We are not supposed to go, it would look greater with a bunch of anal, and then put forth a million words altering the character of the intellectual property.

Why you ask? Again, because another publishing industry might choose to imitate the style of danmei fanfics and produce works that hijack readership, or lead to breach of contracts, making an unsafe environment for workers in this industry (Xiao Zhan’s case.)

Nowadays I see more and more fanfic authors coming out of their shell to ask money for writing in the form of donations, patronage and commissions, as fandom involvement is also becoming vastly monetized. The market of conventions coming into social media platforms. A strange more exists still in which while “legally wrong”, as long as money is not asked on the publishing platform (Ao3), it may not count as copyright infringement. But fanfic authors, may still be treated with hostility for this, for not “deserving” to profit from someone else’s properties, or even worse for “stealing” readership. 

For instance a recent argument I have seen from lgbtq authors, is that they remain unsupported by fandom spaces, who often proclaim themselves as lgbtq or lgbtq friendly (something that is not true), but at the same time they are not looking for published lgbtq stories, or authors, or even treat these with open hostility, or a lot of bias.

Fandom is not comprised from “readers” in the traditional sense, definitely not friends of literature, and it’s free, no one really has to pay anything to read a published fanfic.  So it’s a pretty loose demographic with no set characteristics, and no interest in investing time and money in something for long. It’s an online social activity and not a readers’ movement, highly influenced by peer pressure and branding. It’s basically a gigantic group of people who don’t really do anything for no one, and may develop a parasitic connection to intellectual properties (I am sorry peers, it’s the truth). 

And it’s perhaps the biggest counterculture scene at the moment in the developed world. To this day it treats even its own authors with tremendous suspicion, disregard and dismissal, meaning that even if someone can get some money and recognition locally through writing fanfic they are on thin fucking ice at all times for all the reasons but mostly attracting unnecessary attention to themselves and subsequently the scene.  A pattern that we will see is endemic to all forms of fandom backlashes.

So to this day in contrast with fanart, fan writers may not be compensated for their troubles, but may also be ousted from their domestic professional spaces for writing fanfic that may infringe on their intellectual property. 

The thing is, for me, that fandom culture can become incredibly supportive of corporate practices that harm actual people (writers, they are people too) but when they realize that the same corporate practices may be used against them, it’s too late to realize that it’s not a lottery of who wins by crying more, and by the time that happens, a corporation or industry who has used them to do its dark bidding, can stop catering to them  because ultimately they have become again irrelevant once a well defined demographic of  readers and viewers has been secured.

So if you are going to do counterculture, at least do it right. Be respectful of the writers/authors of the content you consume and mindful of their troubles, do not generate public strife that brings in political regulation in favor of corporate interests. Become interested in writing culture, support your fanfic authors with lasting engagement in their work, even if it escapes the narrow confines of a certain fandom. It’s simple. Eat, live, pray, fuck, or something.