#i hate the konmari method

[burymeinmelodies]

The KonMari method for cleaning is very useful and I don't want to discredit that, however there are some items in my life (drain snake, fingernail brush, one obligatory pair of Nice Pants that I hate wearing) that, despite decidedly not sparking joy, I would not get rid of.

So I would like to propose an alternative. Pick up an item, and instead of asking yourself if it sparks joy, say "If someone grabbed this from my hands and ran, would I chase them?"

[lemonsharks]

I do not like the konmari method and I never pass up the opportunity to remind the konmari cult that it is imperfect. Nothing personal, OP.

The konmari method falls down HARD on the poverty axis (and tbh it is not great on the ability axis/requires a huge expenditure of emotional and physical energy all at once to execute as written).

The ability to not have to keep half broken shit around because it still half works and you can't afford to replace it?

The assumption that someone can get rid of a thing they hate that still works, or that can be fixed, for so frivolous a reason as 'does not spark joy' is classist as frick.

As is the non-engagement with the shame of not having the skill to fully fix the thing, or the money to buy the supplies to fully fix the thing, and so having to use the half-broken thing.

The thigh holes aren't visible on the pants and you *should* patch them right now but you don't have thread or an appropriate material to patch with, let alone the knowledge of how to do it?

You hate them but they're not unwearable so you wear them and hate it.

All the pants have thigh holes.

New pants cost $27 and used pants cost $5+, IF the thrift store has them in your size. When you've budgeted down to the cent and pants aren't in the budget, you wear the hole pants and hope they last for another month or two until you can retire the worst of them and wear their non-hole replacement until they too wear out completely.

Your roommate ruined both your chefs knives, to the point of taking big ol chunks of metal out of the blades? You hate them but you can't drop any money on a new knife when you're half an inch from straight up stealing groceries instead of just entering their codes as a cheap produce item.

Those knives were my knives, and I used them for two years in their broken state, when I was in college. I got a 3 day pay rent or quit notice every month for three years, couldn't find a job because I didn't have work experience, and--HA, there's a kick in the teeth--I didn't have the money to move home.

(Financial aid--barely-covered tuition, so I stayed and I hated it.)

The hole pants were my pants, which I kept because new pants are $27 dollars and used pants are $5 but I had a needle and could get enough fabric offcuts and a spool of shitty thread for $2.50 if the holes grew enough to show while walking and I had no choice BUT to patch them.

Because this is what you do when you're 'dont have bus fare to get to the food pantry' poor.

You make do and you make things last past their lifespan and you hate it and you try to calculate how many calories you own in your pantry once and not over and over again trying to eke another day or two out of the math.

The dented can of green beans does not spark joy but you're going to eat them anyway.

And you hate it.

Keeping only things which spark joy is for people with disposable income.

And yes she was originally writing for a Japanese audience and yes she was a shinto shrine maiden but I do not believe for one second that Japan doesn't also have poor people who deal with the ugly reality of poverty and making do.

And you know what? The survival skills you pick up on that kind of poverty stay with you. Ask people who've been in it this:

"You know that anxiety spike you get when you throw out a pair of pants with holes in the thighs? Because you can't see the holes unless you're right up in there and they could be repaired if you end up needing them later?"

They'll have an answer somewhere in the neighborhood of: "Mood."

me, reaching into my dresser drawer for black pants: I hope this isn’t the pair with big holes worn in the inner thighs

Marie Kondo, gently over my shoulder: why is a pair of pants you find unwearable still in your dresser drawer

me: oh shit that’s right!! The dresser is for clothes that under some circumstance I might conceivably wear!!

Marie Kondo, beaming proudly: Yes, that’s correct!! These pants must have been your favorites. How wonderful that they were so comfortable and practical that you wore them out. But now since they no longer function as pants, you should move them from the drawer where you keep your functioning pants!

me: Yes thanks I got it they’re in the fabric basket now

Marie Kondo, fading back into the darkness: I love what you’ve done with the kitchen!!

[sunfoxfic]

I do think that after seeing a fandom infested with people who make content about the story but hate the story itself, my view on healthy relationships to fandom has shifted a lot. The chances of finding a story that you have no criticisms over and would like to create fan content for are slim to none, but if you're actively fostering a relationship with a piece of media that you fundamentally disagree with, especially when the creators of the media are alive and the story is ongoing, maybe you just need to find something else to enjoy.

There's a difference between KonMari method of canon as in "fanon sparks more joy than canon" and "canon is something I actively feel hostility toward." You will be less miserable making fan content for something you actively enjoy - and if you can't find something you actively enjoy, maybe that says something less about the media you're interacting with and more about how you're interacting with media.

[ballsballsbowls]

I sorta wanted to separate this from the main reblog chain, because I’d rather it not escape containment, but my opinion on Professional Home Organizers is not great.

Professional Home Organizing is a job made up mostly of women, mostly married with kids. It’s a job that attracts people who are creative and who get a lot of satisfaction out of Beholding a good solution. Some of them SEEM to put a lot of time and effort into the storage space, some of them even building from scratch.

But the job always sort of....rubbed me the wrong way, I guess? Even back in the 90s when it first became popular, Professional Home Organizers always seemed to be a band-aid sorta solution. You call the PHO, the PHO takes your mess and puts it in see-through boxes with labels on a shelf, and they disappear.

Especially pre-KonMari, there was zero emphasis on decluttering or downsizing the mess to be organized other than a very basic “get rid of blatantly broken or outdated things” which like....if the client was able to decide what needed thrown out, they would have done it already.

If you’re someone who can keep a mess to a fixed container, and go “okay, my plastic box full of green beads for crafting is full, so I can’t buy any more green beads” then it probably works great! It’s why SUPER rich people do so much of this home organizing stuff, because they have a lot of space for the accumulated debris AND probably kept a semi-clean place even before. They hired a PHO because they wanted a place that was stunning to behold, not because they had a basement rammed full of their kid’s clothes that nobody would ever wear again.

It always felt like the emphasis was on the storage method, because you need a storage method, because you keep 90% of the stuff it’s just in boxes now. And none of it ever made sense to me. When KonMari mentioned other methods are mostly just pushing stuff around, a light blub went off in my head.

I cannot stress enough that PHOs pretty much universally hate the KonMari method, probably because if you do it right, you never need to pay them or for $400 of plastic bins for stuff you should have thrown out a decade ago.

I can see how a PHO might be useful for some people, but I DON’T think putting a lazy susan on your makeup vanity will fix that you won’t actually throw out your old makeup or use what you have.

[sophocused]

mindset update | first week into 2021

recently I've been bullet journaling again, but mostly spread of the self-help tips I've compiled from different podcasts and media.

seven beliefs of an emotionally healthy person from savvy psychologist on Spotify helped a lot to write down

especially, "I can do things I don't feel like doing," which taught me about a skill I can practice called mood-independent behaviour. it's a practice where you do the thing even if you don't feel like it, and observe yourself as your mood catches up. Your mood picks up because you start getting into the rhythm and thinking "oh hey I'm doing it! and I'm liking it, because I like feeling like I'm getting things done, therefore I will keep doing it now, and follow through."

It also helped to know that even if the mood doesn't pick up everytime, at least the thing that needed to be done got done.

This has been me for my room, I used the konmari/marie kondo method before the year ended as usual, for my dresser (makeup, lotions, perfumes, jewellry, skincare, etc), my closet (as someone who hates folding laundry oh my goodness have I shifted things for myself and my mood lately by finally getting that done), my desk (notebooks, stationery, washi tape which I gave a lot up to my sister), and finally under my bed.

I have had a CLEAN room for a whole week, the cleanest it has been in almost a year.

There is finally not a basket waiting in the corner to be folded that I would pick my work clothes out of as the weekdays go by.

There is less junk under my bed of old sentimental who-knows in shoe boxes.

The bookshelf has all my new books so I can finally reach for them instead of them kinda just being there.

The dresser has so much clear space now 😭 just the 5 daily things I use for skin care and makeup are out and closest to me.

My desk has my huion kamvas 16 pro tablet, a laptop stand/2019 dell XPS 15, and all the wires sorted and held together, complete with usb dock.

My desk shelves only have what I need in reach daily, the pilot juice pens, some brush pens, Crayola markers, sketchbooks and bujos.

I can finally just see my carpet floor and not be bumping into it, or seeing some clothing item I shed like a snake.

Overall, while I was mindful not the let the new year stress get to me (like the feeling down on myself for not accomplishing much in 2020) and also to not just set unrealistic new year's resolutions, I have still taken the opportunity to begin new habits with the sole goal of wanting to make my mind a softer place to exist in.

A practice as simple as pressing my tongue to the roof of my mouth actively to make sure I don't zone out and subconsciously clench my teeth or jaw has helped me ease my daily anxiety and stresses too.

I'm focused on living and existing purposefully, actively being more present, no more spacing out, but being aware of what I am doing and taking note of the positive things about it.

For example, I could hate riding the bus as it gives me anxiety being in an enclosed space in the pandemic, I dissipate it by saying "I'm calmed that everyone is wearing a mask and the bus never gets too full, and also I have my music to keep me from getting a headache from the bus noise."

Another time from the past week since going back to work, "The students I supervise can be terrible listeners and I feel most of my day is spent saying the same things over and over, and I'm wasting energy and getting cranky." Once again, my after thought is, "yeah they make me cranky but talking to them and making jokes helps lighten the mood and builds their rapport with me, and thus they can listen to my instruction better. Their laughter makes me happy because it makes me feel that I'm doing something right. I like being called by my last name, it makes me feel like my future career as a teacher is closer than I think."

Just today, I had to go to the extended term in-person lab, and it was my first time being in a lab since February 2020. I was anxious and nervous, and I had to bus for 1.5 hours to get to campus. The TA was being incredibly snarky and condescending when we were just starting, and at first I kept thinking of my criqitue in his poor job as a TA to be talking to us like we were idiots. I took a mental step back, realized that I have never done anything personally to offend him, so he was just having a day. With that, I could release myself from the burden of taking his crankiness to heart. I said thank you with every instruction even if he was being rude about it, and just laughed when he tried to be mean. Within the first 20 min of that three hour lab, he became much nicer towards me, and made personal small talk about work and how we dealt with the pandemic, and he helped me do three things at once. He was still being ruthless but I think he recognized that I was not going to let it ruin my day and I'm still going to perform this lab to the best of my ability and have fun.

I started off this week with a lot of dread, but I find myself actively trying to make things happen for myself, doing things with the thought of "I need to be able to name at least one thing that made me smile today and that will be enough". And I find myself being able to lift my mood up with less resistance.

My sleep cycle is next up, I have woken up at 11:30am, then 10:30am, then today 9:30am, I am almost to my back of my mind goal, to just start waking up early again, to have ample time for a routine before my winter term of uni whisks me away. When I am whisked away I want to be sturdy, I want to ride the wave. I don't want to feel like I'm fighting the current or spiraling down the rapids. I want to make myself sane and that's about it. That's the crucks of it all.

(I am aware what is happening in the US, and as someone extremely sensitive to others' misfortune with the susceptibility to fall into a rage about how the world feels like it'll keep taking steps back into our demise, I am being careful not to consume too much of the news, as I need to keep the momentum first of keeping myself in the right mindset)

[narumi-gens]

500 Event—

I’d like to know how you get inspired for your fics. Like Triptych or Kintsugi or Weary Hearts. Mainly, are you inspired more by love or intrigue? Like Nanamin 🥺 you clearly love, but is there any character you just found neat (in any series), explored their character and THEN came to love? Or maybe they are just hot asf and you’d like to write about them? Do you get a vision, and then just have to bring it into existence? What are your secrets 👁 👁

Here’s my big secret: inspiration always starts with me thirsting over a character first.  

But then once I’ve started thirsting and decided that I want to show a character some love, it usually goes one of two ways:

1. I write a one-shot and those are pretty much situationally based where I love a character and want to see them in a certain situation. So for the Atsumu one-shot I have, I instantly thought a hate-fucking fic would be perfect for his character because he’s so infuriating. Or for my Aizawa fic, I wanted to write about his SO ending up at his hospital bedside and how that would go. All of the JJK “Top 5″ asks that I do really fall in this category because they’re situational. All these fics are kind of like hcs that I want to dedicate time to fully fleshing out. Like with the Akaashi Marie Kondo fic, I watched her show and was like “Akaashi is definitely a zealot for the KonMari method” and decided to write out the hc as a proper fic. 

2. For multi-chapter fics (á la the ones you mentioned or like the Ukai fic), that’s where wanting to really take some time and explore a character comes into play. And these always involve a lot of world-building on my part of trying to figure out how the MC in these fics really fit into what’s already canon. So, for Kintsugi, I really wanted to write about Nanami and the softer, more emotional side of him that we only get glimpses of in the manga/anime. But I had to think a lot about a situation where I could actually explore this side of Nanami and once I had the idea (and it took a couple of weeks to properly think of!), I had to spend a lot of time thinking about how MC would fit into everything with her own backstory. And then not only what’s her relationship with Nanami, but what about Gojo? How would she interact with Yuuji? What about the rest of the jujutsu world? What about her relationships with characters I haven’t even written her interacting yet? And then once I have all of this and the plot idea thrown into a brainstorming doc, that’s when I can start writing. For any of my longer fics, you could basically ask me any question about backstory or character motivations or whatever, and I would probably have at least a general idea and be able to answer. 

The reason I don’t think I’ll ever take the time to write about a character that I’m not super thirsty over, even if I think they’re interesting is because I just wouldn’t have the motivation to write something for them. Instead, I try and find ways to work those characters into fics about characters that I am super thirsty over. Triptych is probably a good example of this. I wanted to write about Chisaki, but then there’s a lot of me working in other characters because I want to see how they fit into the story and how MC interacts with them. Like, I’m not thirsting over Nemoto but I find his devotion to Chisaki and his Quirk so interesting that I found a way to work him in and I wanted to write the second chapter from his POV. And I’m not thirsting over Kurono but I can’t wait to write him interacting with MC. 

The only thing I don’t like writing, even when I’m super thirsty and even if the idea for a fic does comes to me, is non-established relationships. So if you go through my fics, you’ll see that 99% of them are all established relationships because I hate having to write people meeting for the first time and chemistry beginning to build and showing why the characters are attracted to each other rather than jumping straight to the good stuff. I could have written Triptych chronologically and began with Chisaki and MC meeting for the first time, but then I would have been so bored and just wanting to get to certain other scenes that I’m more motivated to write. 

So, these are my secrets. They’re not that exciting but now you know my entire thought process around why I choose to write something. Do what that information what you will, but please use it for good. Great power, great responsibility, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.

500 Followers Event

[likeawildthing]

just read life changing magic of tidying up and also rewatched the Netflix series again. People hate but she reiterates time and again that the process is about setting intentions on the vibe you want with your space, touching EVERY item to reconnect with your stuff and reset that intention going forward. She doesn’t make anyone feel bad for the stuff they keep! It’s more about joyfully setting intentions for yourself going forward. It’s also about showing gratitude for what you have, even if that thing was “this isn’t my style after all” or “thanks, book, for showing me that author is Not for me.” There’s always a positive takeaway when we’re looking for it. Anyway I am without kids for a week every Christmas and spend the week doing this process almost every year. Have for almost a decade now, before I knew who konmarie was. I’ve already reset my clothes and books this week and the literal vibe of my bedroom has changed. It feels light and I feel freer, and that’s with one box of books and two bags of clothes gone. It’s not about getting rid of stuff, but taking care of and appreciating what you CHOOSE to place in your life going forward. Anyway I love her and the mindfulness practices this method encourages!

[lolita-tips]

Where have I been?

I originally wrote this up as a script intended for a youtube video explaining where I’ve been and why I haven’t been keeping up with things very well but I haven’t been able to bring myself to get in front of a camera. I thought I would at least make it into a post to sort of give you all an idea of what’s going on. I’ll put it all under a read-more though since it turned out pretty long.

Hi, I’m Averie. I’m 26 years old and I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about my life lately. I’ve been running Lolita Tips for eight years now but in the last year or so I’ve been a bit removed from it, definitely more than I’d like to be and I sort of feel guilty about it. I keep trying to tell myself that I shouldn’t feel bad, but it’s important to me and there are a lot of people I feel like I’m letting down by not posting more regularly. I guess I just want to talk a bit about where I’ve been and what I’ve been going through. 

Last year I officially moved out of my parents’ place and into my boyfriend’s house. Really it was his parents’ house and for the first few months we actually lived here with them which was a bit of a nightmare for a while, but as of April we’ve officially taken on the mortgage and they moved to Florida. When I moved in I started my first ever full-time job and it has really tested me. It’s nowhere near what I’d like to be doing with my life but as they say, it puts food on the table. I’m a claims adjuster for an auto insurance company which means my job consists of sitting in a cubical making phone calls all day and paying people to fix their cars after accidents. This job has really been putting me under a lot of stress. First of all, I’ve always had pretty bad anxiety when it comes to making phone calls, and after over a year at this job, that still hasn’t changed. Having to spend most of my day doing something that makes me so anxious leaves me really drained by the end of it. Add to it the facts that a lot of the people I have to talk to are in a bad mood, often times I’m calling to give them bad news (“You’re at fault for this accident”, “Your car is a total loss,” etc.), and I’m handling over 100 claims at any given time. So most of the time all I want to do when I get home is lay on the couch and do nothing. I wish I was in a position right now to quit this job but I’ve searched up and down for something else and there’s just nothing close to me that would make any sort of financial sense.

When I do have days where I feel like I can actually get something done, a lot of my time is spent working on the house. As I said before, we bought this house from my boyfriend’s parents and it was pretty dated. I’m someone who likes old things, I collect antiques and often dress in vintage styles, but dingy carpet from the 80s and floral wallpaper that’s probably even older aren’t exactly our taste. So we’ve been taking on a lot of home improvement projects and a lot of the time we sort of feel like we’ve bitten off more than we can chew, particularly when it comes to our budget and stamina. As artsy as I may be, I’ve learned that I hate painting walls so even though we started in December, our living room is only about a third of the way painted. I’m also learning that one of the biggest struggles of being a homeowner is just keeping up with the mess, especially with a dog and two cats, all of whom shed like crazy. And it would be easier if we could do all of this together, but my boyfriend and I have such different work schedules that it’s rare for us to have a same day off to work together. It also just seems like this house has one problem after another. A few months ago we had a leak and had to replace the roof. Now our basement is flooding and we have to tear out the walls of what is supposed to become our craft room. It’s hard to make the house beautiful when you keep having to spend all your resources making it functional.

Everything that has been going on in my life has left me feeling very overwhelmed. It may not seem like a lot from the outside, but when your head is constantly full of “Paint this, sweep this, scrub this, shit I forgot to send that check, how many boxes do I still have to unpack? Is this ours or his parents? Did I schedule an appraiser to look at that car? Holy shit the garden is overgrown where did all these weeds come from I swear we just pulled them out a week ago!” It’s daunting. And it has really had a negative impact on my mental health. I thought my life was going to be grand when I moved out of my parents’ house! I was going to be close to a big city, living with the person I love, and finally feeling like a real adult. But this really is more than I bargained for. It feels like all I really did was trade in the stress and anxiety of a long-distance relationship for the stress of a terrible job and a house that still doesn’t feel like my own. People keep telling me things like “That’s life!” and “Welcome to adulthood!” but I know adulthood isn’t all suffering! I know plenty of adults who have jobs they love and free time to  do stuff that makes them happy, but I feel like I’m stuck in an endless cycle of five-day work weeks, evenings where I’m too depressed and tired to leave the couch, and weekends where I try to cram in as many chores as possible. And thinking about it makes me more depressed! I studied theatre in college, I wanted to be a playwright, I STILL want to be a playwright. I also want to own an antique store, make and sell clothes, travel the country working renaissance faires, any number of things would make me happy; but it feels like any time I have some time to work toward one of my dreams there’s always something more important. 

A few months ago I went to a convention in Pittsburgh. It was the first time I’ve worn Lolita in a long time and it was exciting because there were going to be some big Lolita guests. I told myself I was going to face my fears. I was going to introduce myself to members of my new local Lolita community for the first time since moving here, but I came to the con by myself and the longer it went on, the more alone I felt. I thought it would be great going to all the panels I wanted to see and not basing my schedule on anyone else, but seeing everyone with their friends having a good time brought all these ugly thoughts into my head. I thought, “I’ll never be able to have close Lolita friends like that”, “I’ll never be able to make a living doing the things I love like these designers and Youtubers”, “What kind of Lolita blogger am I if I can’t even go up to other lolitas and introduce myself?” At one point after a panel I went to the bathroom and I heard a group of lolitas whos voices and names I recognized come in. All at once my brain was flooded with “Not good enough”s. I’m not pretty enough, my coord isn’t cute enough, I can’t possibly go out there and interact with these queens. So I locked myself in the stall and waited until everyone left while I cried quietly.

A few hours later there was another lolita panel that was a lot of fun and I had a good laugh and actually sort of felt like I was part of something for a moment. But after that was the J-fashion social. I spent all day trying to convince myself to be brave and not let my anxiety get the better of me, but that was a battle that I quickly lost. I went out onto one of the balconies of the convention center, pacing back and forth while I tried to gather my courage, but the “not good enough”s just came flooding back and I cried harder than I had cried in a long time. The meetup came and went in a panel room behind me as I stared into the night sky of the city that didn’t know I existed. No friends to comfort me, boyfriend at another convention working a booth, and family hours away. I felt completely and utterly alone. But that night I told myself that I was going to make a change. Something, anything, to make my life better.

I know that I can’t cure my depression, or my anxiety. I know that there’s something wrong with my brain and that I’m always going to have bad days and good days, but I also know that I at least owe it to myself to try and turn things around. I may be depressed, but I’d rather be depressed and do things that I love than allow things to continue on the way they have been. After all, I’m the most important person in my life. Nobody will ever be more fundamental to my own happiness than myself.  

I can’t exactly say that I have a plan, but I can say that I’ve been trying. I’ve actually spent a lot of time lately rediscovering things that once brought me joy that I fell out of for one reason or another. For example, I’ve recently started listening to My Chemical Romance again. I remember listening to them as a moody teen who just wanted to seem dark and edgy but going back and listening to the same songs as an adult hits me in a different way. They’re so full of emotion and passion and words that my mind likes to cling to like “I am not afraid to keep on living.” I also recently started watching the Vlog Brothers again. Their channel and pretty much everything they were part of were huge influences on me in high school and early in college so I was really happy to see that they’re still doing stuff. They always help me to remember that even though the world may be a big dumpster fire right now, there are still good people doing good things and there are still a lot of things worth living for. I’ve been working a lot on bettering my life in a lot of ways; I’ve been trying to embrace the Konmari method while working on our house and I’ve been watching a lot of youtube channels about being better with money and spending a lot of time watching ASMR to just try and relax. 

I still have a long way to go, and I know I’m still going to struggle, but I’m thankful to those of you who have stuck with me and will continue to be with me on this journey. Whenever I get on tumblr and see that I still get messages in my inbox it helps me to remember that I am not entirely alone. I know this was sort of a lot, I’m not someone who normally pours my heart out like this, to be honest talking about my mental health makes me worry that I’ll come off as whiney and it makes me pretty nervous, but I felt that I owed it to all of you to explain what’s been going on and I felt that I owed it to myself to get it all out there. Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through it all. I hope to start making changes in my life get back to making this blog something worth sticking around for.

[karama9]

Konmari backlash

I was just reading an article on how much backlash Marie Kondo has been getting from some white westerners (especially women it seems).

And I’m just baffled. I expected dismissal from a lot of people, if only because of the animism and how some of the techniques are much more intensive than the average person’s... folding underwear, for instance, will strike most people as excessive when they first hear of it.

But there’s dismissal and there’s hatred, and it seems like the hints and bits I’ve personally seen are just the tip of the iceberg. 

I’ve seen people blogging or vlogging about “doing konmari!” and then proceeding to... not. “Oh, she says do it all at once but I’m just doing my closet”, “I’m not thanking stuff I’m throwing out because that’s just kooky”, “I don’t have time to pile EVERYTHING so I’m just doing a drawer at a time”... that kind of stuff. Doesn’t seem so bad. I mean, they’re trying to cash in on the method by drawing in people who want to see it in action without actually fully doing it, but it’s not hateful as such - they’re adapting it and for many of them, it’s probably not malicious click bait, they honestly think they’re making it work for them and sharing that. It’s dismissive at times (they actually do use the word kooky, I’ve seen it a few times), and I’m quite convinced some of them only even bother calling it by name for hits, but it’s nothing compared to what’s apparently going on if you dig deeper than I did.

Some people have called her a monster. Some people have literally stated they could have come up with what she did and stripping her of any credit. More generally, people have just been pushing back with actual anger because, for example, they feel her values are totally foreign and weird and she’s trying to force them on them. Well, for one thing, she’s not forcing anything on anyone - obviously. The real issue, when you compare the reactions she gets to the reactions white male minimalists get, is that she’s a woman of color and she’s offering advice. It gets turned to “weird non white/non christian lady is imposing her views on me and she wants to burn my books OMG”.

And it makes the click bait people seem part of a larger, uglier movement, now.

And it’s maddening to me because... I am SO happy she exists. This is a woman who has a passion for tidying because of how happy tidy and clean places make her and has made it her job to share that. That is literally what she’s doing: she’s making a living out of helping people get the happiness she’s achieved for herself. Realistically, her method cannot possibly help everyone, but she really believes they can help some people so she’s going for it.

Yes, she makes money. Good for her, she’s making things better for people and that should enable her to make a living of it, and if a lot of people are buying, more power to her. She’s not deceiving anybody, she’s selling books about tidying that plainly state they’re about tidying. 

Success is not evil just because it’s achieved by a woman of color instead of a white man. 

[redsamuraiii]

Marie Kondo & Minimalism

Pic : Pinterest

We have lost the art of simple living. We have too many material possessions, too many choices and too much to eat, that we waste and destroy so much. Minimalism is not about living in poverty and sleeping on the floor of an empty room, it’s about possessing little or just necessities and simple decorations that is enough to make your home clean and comfortable.

For many of us, material wealth is an expression of selfhood, proof of our existence or success to show to the world that we’ve made it. So we tend to associate our identities and self-image with the things we possess, the car we drive, the job we have, the house we live in, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the phone we use, the degree certificate we take and so much more.

How often do we asked ourselves, do we buy things because we really need or love them or because you think it might impress others who will see them? Do we post social gathering photos on social media to show our appreciation of our friendship or to show others what kind of friends we have and to portray the type of person we are? Do we buy a particular car model because it’s economical, practical or pleasing to the eyes? Or do we buy them to show others that we could afford such a brand? 

In the end, we became unhappy with our own excessive and repulsive purchases because we buy them not for ourselves but for others, or buy them simply because we were too stressed at the time that we went on a shopping therapy. And you start asking yourself all this now as you get older, when your list of bills start to get longer and your store starts to get crowded with items you don’t even remember why you bought it or when was the last time you actually used it. 

It’s no wonder we get so stressed easily working at home now during the pandemic and no wonder minimalist guru such as Marie Kondo have been gaining popularity, because people not only need help in sorting out their stuffs but sorting out their cluttered heart and life as well, to achieve the inner peace with just the minimum.

Source : The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: A Magical Story

We all know who she is by now and one thing I do not understand is the hate she’s been getting since she became known to the world. Interesting fact about her is that her videos have already been circulating YouTube about five years ago but she only became famous now after her shows came on Netflix. 

From what I understand from these haters or skeptics is that they have a misconception about her, thinking it’s just a tidying up method that anybody can do or has been doing for ages, so they do not see the logic that people need to read her books and watch her shows to know how to clean up your own house. 

What they fail to understand is that it’s more than just cleaning up your room, it’s about recognizing your attachments to your belongings and identifying yourself. It’s not just about cluttering up your cupboards but your life as well. Not letting objects define your self worth. You do not need things that you do not need, just to impress others on social media for likes or make yourself feel better.

When you dig out your stuffs, you can tell which are the ones that you bought simply because you really want it, because you like the color or design or its comfortable or it makes you look great? And the ones that you bought simply because of the brand or trend because you want to show off to others to give them an impression that you are this or that kind of person? This is what she’s trying to imply, separating things that you really love “spark joy” and those that you don’t even remember or know why you bought it in the first place now that you look at it again. It could be you bought it ten years ago when you were younger because you wanted to make a fashion statement but now you’re more mature and realize what a waste of money that was.

Unfortunately, we live in a capitalist world that is constantly shoving consumerism down our throats daily with advertisements and social influencers telling you to get this and that just so you could be in trend with everyone else and do not want to be left out. And when you can’t afford to get those things like everyone else you become unhappy, depressed and angry. 

You wanted to dress like them, you wanted to look like them, you wanted to live in a big house like them, you wanted to drive a branded car like them, you wanted to have the perfect lover like them, you want everything about them from their lifestyle to their personality that you lost yourself and your identity of who you really are as a person and what really makes you happy. Despite all the things that you already have that you need, you’re still unhappy because you’re obsessed in getting things that you want simply because others have it too! So we put in extra hours at work for that extra cash sacrificing things that really matter such as spending time with friends and family. We lost the human connection to objects that’s supposed to make us feel happy. 

She also stress out about the dangers of nostalgia because if you are too entrenched in the past, you’ll never be able to get rid of the old things and you’ll only accumulate more stuffs that you don’t need. You’ll feel more constrained and stressed out living in a “storeroom” you call home. Most importantly, you won’t be able to move on in the present because you’re still living in the past. 

I have only started learning more about her recently as I have never been the sort that gets on stuffs while its trending and the only reason I start to learn more about her now is purely out of curiosity and interest as I believe there is more to her than meets the eye. I find her “anti-consumerism” refreshing because I think extreme consumerism is what making people very unhappy today.

Also because I believe that no matter how many years of experiences that we have or all the knowledge that we acquired thus far, no matter how smart we think we are, there is always something new that we do not know about. Life is a continuous learning process, it’s all about learning, discovering new things and taking a step back to re-look at things from a different perspective.

Learning doesn’t stop, which is why I find it amusing when the haters, critics and skeptics say they don’t need to know about Konmari when they’ve been cleaning up their entire life. To me that’s like saying, “This has always been the way we do things around here, we don’t need improvisation or innovation, thank you.”

Be it as it may, what I’m trying to say here is to just be respectful to others and their beliefs no matter how weird or ridiculous that may seem to you. If you think it’s not something meant for you or interests you then by all means, you’re free to walk away from this. No one’s forcing you to stay put. 

I just don’t get why they choose to stay and make fun of something they do not understand that works for the fans. 

At the end of the day, it is who you are as a person that defines you. Not your material possessions, not your career credentials, not your academic qualifications. Strip them all away, and ask yourself who you are beneath it all?

I end my thoughts with a quote by Sen no Rikyu, a historical figure considered to have had the most profound influence on the Japanese tea ceremony.

“How much does he lack himself who must have many things.”

[grief-blogging]

My Mother The Hoarder

I am not a fan of euphemisms. I try to confront things directly and I think mincing words is a means of avoidance. When it comes up in conversation, I tell people my mom died 3 years ago. She didn’t pass away, she didn’t depart this world, she certainly didn’t go home to be with the Lord. She died. Sometimes people flinch at the word and I’ve had some people question me about it—one woman wanted to know how I got to be okay with saying that, because it had been decades since her own mother died and she still couldn’t say the words. “My mother is dead.”

Over the years I’ve occasionally couched my language about some of her more difficult to comprehend behaviors. She was a pack rat, she was sentimental about things, she was disorganized.

My mother was a hoarder, if I’m being honest. Yes, like you’re picturing. Yes, like someone on an A&E show. Yes, like that—that’s how I grew up.

If she’d ever been on an episode of Hoarders, she would have been one of those people at the end of the episode who refused to let the crew remove anything from the house. She might have been more receptive to the konmari method, but it would have been very slow progress.

I can’t explain why it’s happening right now, at this specific juncture in my life, but a lot of things are coming to a head for me lately. Childhood traumas I’d pushed way down, my mental health that I’d been pretending was fine for a long time but really isn’t... I’m in a painful and fragile point in my life. I’m hoping that right now I’m mid-ripping-the-bandaid-off. I’m hoping this feeling of being completely out of control and sick and broken is temporary.

One of the things I’m realizing has affected me more deeply than I’ve previously accepted is my mother’s hoarding. My home is a huge source of anxiety for me and all the feelings that come along with it—worthlessness, fear, self-loathing. I think back to the abject panic I felt as a child when anticipating visitors. “How come we never have sleepovers at Julianna’s house?” Great, now I have to host a perfunctory sleepover so my friends don’t think I’m a freak. Don’t mind the mess everywhere—we just moved in. We haven’t finished unpacking yet! The lies I made up on the spot to explain away the piles of Stuff everywhere. The Stuff. Why can’t my mom get rid of Stuff? Why is our house like this?

I’m no Elsie de Wolfe, but my house probably looks nicer than average on the inside. Nonetheless, the familiar feelings of shame and fear arise whenever I’m about to host visitors. If they notice dust on the fan blades, they’re going to think I’m disgusting. If they think I’m disgusting, they won’t want to be my friend anymore. I’ll die alone and hated in a disgusting house that even the paramedics who remove my body will judge and remember for years to come. I cannot relax unless my house is clean and tidy and because it’s never as clean and tidy as I need it to be, I’m never fully relaxed.

My mother was a hoarder. Many times, as I’ve shared this with new people, I’ve mitigated the truth. “Just like, Stuff. Not jars of piss or fast food trash or dead cats. Just Stuff.”

But truth in language is important to me and the truth is she was a hoarder, and a bad enough one that her house wouldn’t have been out of place on reality television. I didn’t grow up in a normal environment, I knew it was abnormal from a young age, and the house was in part responsible for the anxiety that plagues me even today, at almost 30 years old. I hope that by being honest about this, it will help me put my fear into perspective and release it to an extent. I’m hoping it will help me let go of my obsession with perfection so that I can just have a normal relationship to my own home.

[robinsversion]

I found out something about myself through the Konmari process

I just finished up socks and underwear, and socks were a big challenge for me. I have tons of socks that my mom bought for me, those athletic socks that come in multipacks mostly, and none of them sparked joy, and I figured it would be the same for the rest of my socks. In fact, I’ve always considered myself someone who hates socks.

However, when I was going through the short ones, I was oohing and awwing over the different patterns and accents of each pair, and realizing that things that I’ve never thought much about actually spark lots of joy.

Confused, since I didn’t expect to find joy at all, let alone this much, I used Marie’s method of asking myself “why?” until I got to a solid answer, and realized something: I’ve got some sort of sensory issue when it comes to long socks. If they reach the bottom of my ankle they’re okay, but anything longer than that just leaves me miserable. It feels claustrophobic in a way, my ankles stuck in a cotton prison, the sensation of the fabric tight against my legs weighing me down both physically and emotionally. For the past few years I’ve wondered if I have ADD or ADHD, but I always got hung up on a symptom that I thought I didn’t have—sensory issues. Turns out I do, after all. Now I’m wondering if there’s anything else that I’ve considered “eh, not my cup of tea” that actually just physically irritates me and puts me on edge like long socks, and that’s why I don’t like it.

It sounds silly, I know, to have such a dramatic Epiphany over freaking socks, but this has been the very thing that’s pushed me to finally want to get tested for ADD/ADHD, so I’m gonna start researching good doctors and places around here. Wish me luck :)

[meitantei-lavi]

nobody:

me: marie kondo really is a fantastic woman and her methods of tidying up are worth trying out for people (like me) who have a hard time letting go. her methods of thanking the house and the items for what they do for you seems very heavily based in shinto and can help those who feel guilty about throwing something away or donating it. people shouldn’t hate on her methods just because she’s japanese and has a different way of viewing things than westerners do. frankly it’s racist to completely dismiss the konmari method while listening to white people say essentially the same thing about tidying up. in this essay i will

[gncrevan]

i fucking love marie kondo.

when i watched "tidying up", it immediately struck a nerve with me. not because i share the exact same sense of aesthetics or because everything in the show is applicable to me. but because marie treats all the houses and people and objects with such respect and kindness.

see, my family has a background of poverty. i myself grew up as lower middle class, but with the idea at the back of everyone's mind that we could always end up poor again, that we needed to be prepared for that. i'm not particularly well-off right now and i have huge problems getting rid of stuff due to economic anxiety. what if i need this again? and: i or someone else paid money for this, i can't throw it away. of course i do throw away actual trash, but i always feel morally and ethically bad. i did keep a lot of technically broken stuff that is now buried somewhere in my cupboards.

i also imbue objects with a lot of meaning. even if i don't need/want them anymore, i often feel like giving them away would "hurt their feelings" (i know this makes no sense, i'm autistic ok) or be disrespectful to those who gave them to me.

a lot of tidying/cleaning/"unfucking your house" advice doesn't acknowledge this kind of anxiety. (it also doesn't acknowledge that some people are physically disabled and can't do certain things, but i digress.) i was wary if "tidying up" would only make me feel bad - but it did the opposite. marie is very understanding of people's emotional hangups and the connections we can have to things. i love that she asks us to evaluate each thing and prod our mind for how it makes us feel, cause we can learn to differentiate between "i want to keep it because i like it" and "i want to keep it because giving it away scares me". i love that she proposes to thank the object if we give it away, cause that acknowledges the value it played in our lives and helps to alleviate feelings of guilt we might have for not keeping it. i love that she has advice for how to store things in a way that we can immediately see and access what is there, cause i am disabled and it is hard for me to sort through the clutter, so this method would make my life a whole lot easier. i love that she talks about arranging things in a way that is practical but also sparks joy, cause our living space influences how we feel, it's not just surroundings, it affects and often reflects the state of our psyche.

i know that the konmari method has its roots in shinto, and i don't pretend to really know anything about that, but i don't think you have to know about it to appreciate her method. it clearly works for a lot of people and every client seemed very happy. i think the only thing you need is some open-mindedness and appreciation for others. but clearly, many viewers don't have that, and they claim absolutely ridiculous things about marie that make her look like some kind of dictator. where do they get that from? have they even listened to what she says? she doesn't want you to throw out things you like, literally the exact opposite! what kind of a racist asshole do you have to be to so thoroughly contort her message?

marie kondo helps people, on a perfectly voluntary basis. if her method isn't for you, fine, find something else. but don't act like she's forcing you to do anything, last time i checked you are not required to do everything you see on television, and she literally isn't judging anyone or spreading any hateful, judgemental messages. grow a fucking spine.

i am so excited to try some of her methods when i can. i was happy to see other people have the same problems and clutter as me. i liked to see her talk about her own imperfection in tidying. i loved to see her "love the mess". the whole show was so incredibly warming and reassuring and wholesome. marie normalises being messy, she appreciates the emotional meaning of objects, and she approaches the progress with love, support and openness. it was truly a breath of fresh air to see that.

i really fucking love marie kondo.

[simlicious]

new year, new projects

I tend to be more ready to tackle new challenges at the beginning of a new year. When “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo” hit Netflix, I gobbled it up within a few days. I have read both of her books on tidying and sparking joy a few years ago and back then, I started tidying according to her KonMari method and had a perfectly clean closet. It felt wonderful and I realized that I might not be such a hopeless case after all. My parents like to hoard stuff and I adopted a lot of their habits but came to realize that this is not what I really needed to feel good. Sadly, due to my mental health, I wasn’t able to pull through and had to abandon the project. Watching Marie Kondo work her “magic”, however, has sparked a fresh desire to get rid of my clutter and to achieve a state where every item I own is giving me some form of joy and/or satisfaction. I actually have a strong desire already to surround myself with items that bring me joy. This is why I said “no thanks” when asked if I wanted to get my grandma’s dishes for free, or why I bought a very specific vacuum cleaner, that I researched beforehand, and that had to fulfill specific criteria to bring me joy. I used to hate cleaning back when living in my parents' house. And it took me a while to figure out that actually, I did like the feeling of cleaning, because it gives an immediate result, but I hated the vacuum cleaner I had to use. Too heavy, too inefficient. I did not enjoy using it at all and used to be angry and get worked up about it (I even had arguments with my parents, but they refused to buy another model). So, for my home, I decided to only buy stuff that I really liked, cleaning utensils that would bring me joy. I also bought colorful microfiber cloths that are efficient and fun to look at, and a good pair of gloves, because I just hate the feeling of having wet, wrinkly hands. And don’t get me started at what water does to one’s nails! ;) Seriously though, I have managed to grow my natural nails to a stunning length by avoiding to soak them in water. Actually, I like to wash my hair over the sink while donning rubber gloves. They really foam up the shampoo nicely and exfoliate the scalp. Am I weird? Absolutely! :D There are other projects I need to tackle which are of a more serious matter, my health problems and solving the fate of my university studies (will I ever finish my B.A. or should I quit?) things that give me lots of anxiety but need to be resolved for me to move forward. So I hope I will find the strength for it soon! Many people who successfully tidied their homes were able to tackle other projects in their life with more ease. I hope this will be the case for me as well. I hope you can tackle your new projects with lots of Energy too! Love you all!

[morlock-holmes]

I read Mari Kondo’s “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” and I would definitely recommend it.

The basic premise is that you get rid of anything that doesn’t “spark joy”. The way this is extended out to book length is that she has an extremely specific and esoteric method for deciding what sparks joy.

The first step is: Get all of your clothes, every single piece of clothing that you own, and make a huge pile of them in the middle of a room. Then take each piece in hand and think, “Does this object bring me joy?” If the answer is no, then donate or throw it out.

And she’s very clear that you have to start with clothes. The logic is that clothing is very replaceable. If you’re on the fence about those blue jeans, well... it’s really not that hard to find more blue jeans if you need some later. And if you’re going “But I love all the really specific details of this pair of blue jeans and they make me really happy and I’d hate to get rid of them!” then, of course, they are bringing you joy and you just keep them.

Then after that you move onto books, because those are a little bit harder to get rid of even if they don’t spark joy. “Well, I don’t know if that book sparks joy, because I haven’t gotten around to reading it, yet.” Her advice here is to ditch it, because, well, if you find yourself desperately wondering what that book was about, you can get it again and actually freaking read it this time.

I forget what the next category you go to after books is, but the purpose of going through things by category is that you start with categories where nothing is very likely to make you say, “Well, this doesn’t make me happy, but I probably ought to hang onto it, anyway.”

Minimalism is kind of in the background of the book, and Kondo herself clearly likes living a very pared down lifestyle, but it’s not really the point of the book. How many books should you own? As many as you have room for in your heart. And only you can know what you love. But the ones that make you go “Meh, it’s okay I guess” or “I’ll get to that someday” you should ditch.

Basically, the two major weaknesses I found with the KonMari program are that you have to modify it if you are either extremely poor, or extremely messy. There’s a very middle class assumption running through the book that if you get rid of something, and then find yourself pining after it, you can just buy it again. If you’re very, very poor this might not be a realistic assumption. You might be in a position where you say, for example, “These steel toed boots don’t bring me joy, I don’t really like the way they look or fit, but I can’t afford to buy another pair right now and I need to have a pair of steel toed boots.” Kondo doesn’t really address this kind of situation.

The other is that if your house is enough of a disaster you might not even know where all your books are. Kondo’s logic for going through objects by category is actually very sound, but what if there’s a big pile of papers on your desk that also has books and video games and errant socks, and what if instead of covering just your desk it covers most of your floor and/or entire house? You are going to have to do some major sorting before you can focus on one category of things.

If I’ve been a bit vague on specifics it’s because, in a fit of terrible irony, I put her book down on top of a big pile of clutter, put more stuff on top of the pile, and now I can’t find the book anymore.

So, uh, it’s not a magic bullet.

That said, I have gone through the process on my clothes, and it has resulted in measurable improvement, and a happier relationship with my clothing. It genuinely is much more fun to get dressed in the morning than it used to be. Rather than a sort of arbitrary neutral task, I enjoy getting up every morning and looking at all the articles of clothing I’m excited to be able to put on. I don’t even think I pared my wardrobe down that much; it’s possible that I’ll end up with more clothes than I had before. But my relationship with them has changed, and they are a source of happiness in a way that they weren’t before.