#i have a lot lf feelings about those three

[muckety-mucks-i-s-goin-delux]

There is a reason why Jack and Crutchie are newsies leaders with Race as the second in command, the holy trio of Lower Manhattan

Jack is a natural born leader, he's charismatic, he's been around and seen how the world works but he's also idealistic. This boy is a DREAMER. He's the loverboy. It's easy to get swept into the fantasy when Jack talks about it. A strike? Sure, sounds great, we can take them no doubt.

He's also mighty protective of his kids. He'd give up his dreams, his ideals just to keep his kids safe. He'd do anything for them, he's the person you go to when you have a problem and he might not be able to solve it (or have an idea how to for that matter) but he will listen and advise best he can.

He also definitely puts away some of the money he earns for whenever some of the newsies can't pay for food or lodging or whenever they need bandages or medicine.

He also loves the newsies so much, he definitely mother hens them.

Crutchie is not an obvious leader, not with Jack around but the kids flock to him anyway. He's got easy, playful (gremlin like) personality, he's great problem solver and best at advise. He's the VOICE OF REASON. A strike? Yeah, we should probably swallow the bitter pill and get the papes or well starve cos noone cares about us.

He's been around, being an orphan and having a bum leg, long enough to know that the world is a cruel place and he's wise beyond his years in a day to day matters. He's the one that thinks of basic, yet crucial for survival things like will they have enough food? Is everyone in the lodging and do they have a place to sleep? He sees a kid on a street and offers help. He's the one to keep the guys (or not if it's particularly funny) in check. Jack, for the love of everything holy no. This is the stupidities things I've heard. No, Race you can't do that and I don't care you think you can take them. You will die. He sees Les and immediately wants to keep him safe but the he remembers right they got folks

Racetrack is the second in command because he's younger than the other two, a kid enough to still mess around with his friend and be the smartass funny guy of the group but when things get serious he does a 180 and he does not fuck around. Strike? Fuck ye, we won't let them walk all over us! It will be a pleasure to tell Weasel meself! But at the same time when he sees there are no reinforcement coming he wants to back down, he looks around at the kids and thinks fuck we can't take them, this is a bad idea.

He's the tough love kind of guy, he loves the newsies, they are the only family he had, being at the lodging house the longest/a newsie for forever so if you fuck with one of them get ready cos he's coming for you. But at the same time he'd leave them to resolve their problems themselves or does not interfere unless things get real. You spend all the money already? Suck to be you. Haha, get a load of that guy, what a loser. Jack you still thinking? Sure he is can't ya smell the smoke?

He's most independent of the newsies. He goes to Brooklyn everyday, sells his papers, bet on the ponies (usually wins because he's wicked at maths and probability) and at the end of the day comes back to joke around and tell funny stories. But when Denaceys are picking on someone he's first one to start a fight. He's the first person you go get when shit goes down on the streets because he will not lecture you like Crutchie would or would not fuss too much like Jack would. He would call you an idiot and move on. But he's loyal to a fault just has a lot of anger building underneath and does not know how to process that so he either ignores it or just blows, but not on the newsies, no, he'd just pick a fight with someone or say something a little meaner than he intended but they know he doesn't mean it.

He's the second cos he doesn't know yet how he would lead the newsies. He keeps his feet on the ground hard and sucks at all that mothering Jack does. He's also used to doing his own thing and what's he supposed to do when people start looking up to him for guidance?

He also definitely puts away some money just not as obvious like Jack to help out the ones that are down on their luck at the moment. He would be the official secretary if newsies had one. No, Jack, we absolutely do not have money for that. No, Henry, don't take 100 papes. Why? One cos yous not Jack, you're shit at selling, two the headline sucks and chances are you'll be eating 20% of what's it worth and you can't afford that

[fromtheseventhhell]

I think Catelyn is dead. She was dead for three days. Her body is decaying and crumbling into pieces. She can’t barely talk. Her throat is cut open. She is literally a vengeful ghost who rose from the river with dark magic to punish those who broke the sacred law of hospitality. She’s the archetype of wrathful mother who lost her children to war. Real Catelyn wanted to rest with Ned. Arya putting her down is not bloodshed, it’s the gift of mercy. There is nothing to be saved. Her role is to terrorise the Lannisters/Freys and be a foil to Arya, because Arya wants justice while LSH is all about blind revenge. Besides, Littlefinger is Sansa’s villain, she’s the one who needs to get rid of him. She’s the one who knows the things he did. It’s her role to overcome him. It’s Arya’s role to overcome LSH who’s willing to murder every single person who gets in her way. She will finally have peace if Arya puts an end to her suffering. She will know at least one of her children survived and Arya will take the role she needs as one of the protagonists and lead the Brotherhood North with Robb’s crown and then crown Jon. That’s a form of healing too.

My thing is that all of this gets presented as fact when it's actually things that fandom has decided on and considers canon, rather than coming from the book. Until we get the actual story we can't really just say "this is what's going to happen" because we just don't know and there's a lot of story left to tell. I understand if you think all of this is more likely but it's not written in stone.

Being brought back to life 100% changes and affects the person but it doesn't mean they're entirely gone. LSH might be a shadow of who Catelyn was but she is still very much Catelyn at the core, as seen by her motivations. She already knows that Arya is alive and is actively searching for her. George rarely plays his archetypes or tropes straight so her embodying that role doesn't mean that's all she is. And again, it would be a waste of her being brought back. George could've easily explored revenge with any other character or have had her not die at the red wedding and continue on a similar path. If he wanted to explore the impact of being brought back to life then that was already there with Beric. I don't see why it's unbelievable that he would bring her back for a reason other than to have her be murdered again.

I've already said what I think about Arya and LSH. As for LF, he is very much connected to Catelyn. His introduction was through her POV, his actions are heavily influenced by the relationship they had, she thinks about him often and gives us insight into his character, he contributes to Ned's death and a lot of the trouble the Stark's have, and even his interest in Sansa is rooted in his feeling for Catelyn. He is far more than just "Sansa's villain" and with the likelihood of him traveling to the Riverlands, there is a chance that they have a confrontation. His relationship with Catelyn has been built up far more than his relationship with Sansa so her helping to defeat him makes a lot of sense.

All in all, I don't think it's impossible that Arya gives her "mercy" but I dislike it for all of the reasons I listed and I think there's a lot more that could be done with her character. I think this theory about her only became so popular because it was a "simple" ending for her and fandom tends to default to the easiest solution. It fits but loosely, and only really because people reduce these characters to the most basic archetypes. Her getting a reunion with her daughters, learning that her sons are alive, and getting revenge on the man who caused her and her family so much grief is a lot more satisfying AND has basis in the story.

[esther-dot]

That was interesting post about Jonsa similarities being prophecied to take down the evil queens. One thing can be added about Sansa being prophecied to slay the giant in the 'snow castle'. So the Jonsa are prophecied to take down their evil uncle(LF) and aunt(Dany) and are connected to ice(Wall) and snow(WF). Thoughts?

I love @thewindsofwolves parallel series and that one in particular really caught my attention!

Connecting the slaying the giant prophecy with the YMBQ prophecy is a fun reading because Sansa’s role in Joffrey’s death (taking what Cersei holds dear) is slapped up against the idea of her killing LF:

"I dreamt a wolf howling in the rain, but no one heard his grief," the dwarf woman was saying. "I dreamt such a clangor I thought my head might burst, drums and horns and pipes and screams, but the saddest sound was the little bells. I dreamt of a maid at a feast with purple serpents in her hair, venom dripping from their fangs. And later I dreamt that maid again, slaying a savage giant in a castle built of snow." (ASOS, Arya VIII)

The reading of Sansa being the YMBQ is compelling to me, especially since LF and Cersei occupy evil father/evil stepmother roles for Sansa. Cersei had those quintessential mother/daughter moments with her (instead of Sansa’s own mother getting to talk to her about her first period, having children, talking to her just before her wedding…), and Littlefinger poses as her father/has her pretend to be his daughter, so both prophecies being about their psuedo daughter is fun. In fact, Ned made serious miscalculations with LF and with Cersei, leading to disaster for his family, Sansa in particular who has been a captive of both, so it’s particularly rewarding for her to be the one these prophecies are about.

As for connecting it to Jon potentially taking out Dany, lots of people have pointed out Cersei and Dany parallels, I think I have a post about that lost in drafts somewhere, and Martin even mentioned intentionally creating parallels there, so the fact that they each have a prophecy about their downfall and for it to be about a Stark (Sansa and Jon)...I like it!

A blue flower grew from a chink in a wall of ice, and filled the air with sweetness. . . .(ACOK, Daenerys IV)

Everyone knows this is an allusion to Jon, some take it as a positive/romance thing, we take it as part of her three treasons, but it could very easily be both. Dany, like LF, could take a sexual interest in the child of a person they say they could have married. Obviously, LF's obsession with Cat transferring to Sansa takes up a lot of space, Dany's mention of marrying Rhaegar is only done in passing, but it was an odd thing to include and it does feel a little matchy-matchy. 👀

You need to open your inbox, you have a talent for finding these connections, and I should be the one sending asks about them to you!

[aftoonfamily]

Okay im sorry if im being too insisted on your au, i just love it so much i cant get enough of it, so you mentioned in your tumblr description lf the fics that you would change some stuff in the wui1983 fic.

Since you don't have time to write it, what would those be? Im awfully curious, sorry

Also, if you feel like it, would you like to ramble about whatever character you cant give more screen time to, for whatever reason?

Hmm.

I know I want to change up Henry a little bit. I always wanted him to be the “problematic” one out of William and Henry. Like, in the Mormon era of Hurricane Utah, Henry is a divorced alcoholic that was basically kicked out of his own family and wasn’t the most charismatic man while William was a widow caring for three kids and so charming to everyone who met him. I don’t think I showed that off well in WU83. There were a couple parts I feel like it worked, but I honestly made Henry too nice and forgiving. That’s not entirely how I want him.

I would also probably give more screen time (I think it’s funny you called it that lmao) to the bullies. I didn’t feel like Gordon was a bigger threat then he was supposed to be. Tyler was pretty accurate to what I wanted him to be and Sophia was always supposed to be just an extra body, but Gordon I didn’t think translated well. I feel like I should have made another chapter with the four of them to build more on relationships.

Also wasn’t that big of a fan of how quickly Mike dropped them. Felt like he probably should have rebelled that more considering he was having a lot of trouble with all the good change in his life, but he was already going through a lot. I think I just wanted him to get a little break.

That’s about it tho. I did write most of that when I was 18 and I’m 20 now so my style has changed so there would be little writing things I would change, but that’s about it.

[mejomonster]

I do wonder whos idea andrea was. Because i do kind of like that now the honeybee in caters to ppl of all tastes, has men and women working there, the teacher from aeriths area was proud to get a job dancing there (which is just kind of a nice not negative depiction of wanting to work at a night club/burlesque whatever the honeybee inn is going for). And andreas like im all for expression and gender shouldnt limit that, always do what you want. Which is a nice lil message off the cuff. And hes treated just as nice and ridiculous Mini Boss as the other of the Big Three. Theres old people and young ppl who saved up to go to the honeybee in, a young man talking about hoping the honeyboy remebered him, another guy mentioning a honeygirl and the flowers he sent, no real gender or sexuality or ageist bias in the honeybee inn! Theres also just like. A generally supportive atmosphere of xustomers lf all walks unashamed to be there, which is a bit different then the All Guys clientel drooling over women and swarming aerith outside in the original

(however its missing the bath scene, the reference to an orgy and to more overt sexual acts - where the original leaned into lewd, the remake kind of downplays the honeybee inn to Dancers who do Entertainment in Private rooms but... its not risking full on indicating theyre having sex the way the original did. Which is. A loss in its own way, as theres definitely things the reality of a brothel in the slums under the plate adds to worldbuilding, to how Aerith grew up, to why Don Corneos area of the slums feels more like the risque and wild part compared to Tifas sector thats just a rather tame small town)

So like. Mm. The changes definitely Change the flavor of worldbuilding in some ways. This area feels a bit different (as in don corneos area of the slums), and the collesium also adds that different flavor. (Ive been playing tol much Yakuza lately and it like gives a more Kamurocho as Kiryu vibe now... kiryu treats host clubs of men and hostess clubs of women pretty equally, theyre for Entertainment but not brothels, kiyru and majima both do those kind of quests thatd feel equivalent to dancing or putting on a show, so like... remakes version of the honeybee in feels more like a modern host club maybe, with a city customer clientel that doesnt judge each other and sees it as The Best club. Versus original honeybee inn that felt a lot more like mainly a brothel catering to rich men, then men who could get in, with special services for customers with more niche needs like the bath or like Palmer and other particular requests. This new one, Aerith could go in and book a room with a honeyboy or honeygirl or both and ? I assume get entertained and a flirty date sort of ordeal. Yes im reading too much into this lol. Just fascinating to me the differences they made. I think Andrea was overall a positive addition, himself personally, but the changes he entailed alsl change the entire atmosphere of wallmarket into something CLASSY when the original game kind of used honeybee inn to show how Dangerous and Adult wallmarket was, how there were less rules there, and so when you get to don corneo and a sex dungeon and an Actual Dungeon and hear hes kidnapped and imprisoned girls youre less surprised cause the place has felt like and area all kinds of people could get kidnapped, sold shoddy deals, and laws arent maintaining anything only money is. With ALL of the new Big Three in wallmarket, in the remake it feels more classy more organized and more like a visit to Vegas or Kamurocho rather than a lawless Don controlled area).

[bewitchingivy]

Hihi! May i participate in your game? 🦄

My initials are ABM

The three topics i would like reading on are;

How would they show their love to you

Signs you see about them

And a message from them

For your reading, it's intuituion (i am a novice, so i hope this goes well 😅)

How woud they show their love to you:

"Showering you with love" but it's more leaning towards physical affection, so i think your person's love language could be physical touch. Getting a lots of hugs, you know the ones where the person hugs from behind, those! Also i am getting lots of smiles and laughs, so making you smile is also one lf the ways they show their love. Absolutely adore you

Signs you see about them: dark brownish hair, getting earthy and firey energy, maybe they wear glasses? A cocky smile, more like smirks a lot. They may look nerdy and introverted but they're very much extroverted and tend to be carried away very easily, also very loud when excited.

Message from them:

They think you are very adorable. Also they love watching you do your work.

"Gosh! Why do you have to be so adorable!"

(I think they are taller than you)

Thank you! I hope you liked this!

❛ love again ; entry #004

Hello! Thank you so much for joining my game and for following the rules <3 As promised, here's your reading! I hope you'll enjoy it :)  Remember to take what resonates and leave what doesn't!

his first impression:

Ours by Taylor Swift boy...all the first impressions reading I did on this game are like almost love at first sight LMAO. But for your case, I strongly feel like at first meeting, he will want to be friends with you first. I'm strongly getting friends to lovers vibes from the both of you :) Of course, we can't deny that he might be crushing on you too, OOH, I just heard that he finds you sooooo frickin adorable 😩

your first date together:

nobody else by LANY Omggg, this song is soooo fricking cute and agh it just hurts my heart. please give it a listen </3 So on your first date together, I'm getting visions in my mind of you both just strolling around outdoors during sunset, the both of you could've already gone through somewhere (like eating out or wherever you want to go) and the both of you are just talking (I see one of you is still eating their ice cream while the other is already finished lmfao.) This conversation you will have is not going to be casual, I feel like the both of you will be sharing something deep about yourselves during this conversation which will grow your bond together :)

what you should know about him:

What The Hell by Avril Lavigne Mkay, I relate to this person. Kidding. Not. Ahem! Anyways, this person loves to have fun, and I don't mean by fun like getting into parties and whatnot. But this person strives to live his life fun, in his own way. I hope that makes sense. Quite active and energetic, and I just heard that he doesn't want to be tied down, whatever that means. 

what he loves about you:

I Believe in Us by LÉON Your resilience, positivity, and how you never give up on anything. Especially your relationship with him. He really appreciates this side of you and he would be so thankful for having you in his life, for never giving up on him, on both of you, no matter what life throws your way. 

how he shows his love to you:

Nobody by Hozier damn you got my favorite song. SJDHFJGAH and i wanted to gatekeep this so bad lmfao. Okay first thing that I'm getting is that they show his love and care for you by asking you simple things like, "have you eaten yet? did you have a good sleep last night?" and all that jazz. He's making it show that he's been thinking about you a lot, and even worrying if you're doing well or that you're taking good care of yourself. I also heard that they show their love to you by reassuring you through their words whenever you're worried about something :)

signs you'll see about him:

Come Home To Me by LÉON Omg another song by Léon. You will know that it's him since you will just feel so at home with each other. Like you could be holding some part of yourselves with other people, but when it comes to the two of you? You will not worry about that, and you're just going to be just yourself with him. Oh, and 333 could be a sign that you'll see about him. I saw that while I was reading on what he loves about you. 

a message from him:

Somebody Else by Katelyn Tarver "If I have to be honest, I am not in my best state at the moment. I'm feeling somehow lost about myself. I've always had a plan for everything in my life, but now I just don't have any and I don't know what to do. I feel like I need a break, but that's something I can't afford at the moment. Somehow I feel like I want to cry out for help and wish that somebody could be here for me, I wish it could be you. But we'll see each other again. And I hope that you're doing alright." I can't help but to write "see each other again" So let me just tell you that while I was doing the first part of your reading, I get this feeling that you might have met him already...? But if it's not the case, then I also felt this strongly that your souls have been together for past lifetimes (that is, if you believe in past lives.)

my feedback:

Gurl. Omg. I can't help but blush and gush over the reading you gave me. 'cos like YOU'RE LITERALLY DESCRIBING SOMEONE IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW (and i've been getting intense signs, confirmations, and synchronicities about him these past 3 months lmfao) YOU'RE SCARING ME. Well, in a good way, anyway, heh. Someone taller than me (obviously 'cause i'm a shortass), dark hair, earth and fire energy, GLASSES??? Don't get me started on that. Cocky smile. I hate him. A big hugger. And he fuckin looks like an introverted nerd, but he's actually just a loud, extroverted, nerd. AKSDFHJSDHJSDH. And you're saying you're a novice??? GHORL. Well, we really don't know what the future has in store for me and him, but fook, you just described him in this reading. Isn't that saying something? 👀😳 Now if you'll excuse me, let me just go and scream in my pillow. Thank you so much for the reading!

Please don't forget to leave a feedback, tell me what resonates and what doesn't, and whatever you want to add! :)

[toomanyacronyms]

I would love to get a formal Autism diagnosis.

I've ruled out BPD, Bipolar 1 and 2, and NPD. I was told repeatedly over the years that I must have one of those three, but I've taken tests, found anecdotes of people who do have those, and found the DMS-5 for all of them. I didn't fit any lf them. I was however diagnosed with ADHD back in 2020 and when I started meds for it, I knew they weren't helping everything. I was told by a sibling that they had thought I might be Autistic and I went from there; looking up the DSM-5, taking tests, and listening to others. Something in me clicked and the more I unmasked and started healing from my childhood trauma, the more my Autistic traits came back to the surface after a whole lifetime of unconscious (and unsuccessful) suppression and feeling off and different and broken.

Now onto why I would love to get a diagnosis but probably won't end up getting one. I am low supports needs/high masking. I'm the person who you would just think I'm quirky, weird, and/or rude at any given time. I'm in my 20s, I no longer get the benefits of insurance paying for an Autism assessment and I have other disabilities that make it hard to work a lot during the week. Also, I'm not going to pay a couple thousand dollars to be told I can't be Autistic because I was a good student in high school, I'm planning to go to college this fall, I have a job, I have more than one friend, etc, instead of looking at plenty of evidence to the contrary.

For my ADHD diagnosis, I had to go behind a previous doctor's back because they insisted I couldn't have it because I had been a good student in high school despite not wanting to hear about the struggles behind those good grades. If that's how it was for an ADHD diagnosis, I can just imagine how hard it is to get an Autism assessment done correctly as an adult. That being said, I don't go around demanding accommodations for something I'm not formally diagnosed with. The only people I told are my Dad (who I live with), my sister (who hangs out here frequently), one of my two friends (so they can understand me better), my therapist (for reasons), and obviously here on Tumblr (I need some form of support group).

I'm self-diagnosed because I was literally falling apart and self-diagnosing has kept me from literally killing myself because i think I'm broken beyond repair.

[c1tyhaunts]

𝐅𝐑𝐔𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒  

@lotuskissed && @kxllerblond ;; 🍑 : how meticulously does my muse look after their physical appearance? do they spend a lot of time on their hair, makeup, grooming, and clothing? is there a particular reason why they do or don’t? ( for the girlies )

AVIAN // Avian is incredibly HIGH MAINTENANCE when it comes to her appearance, more out of insecurity than vanity. Avian actively takes 1-2 hours to prepare for her day, and she has to have a morning routine and evening routine that is orderly and concise. Her hair & makeup take priority in the morning, and her skincare takes priority in the evening, where she also chooses an outfit for the next day in her evening routine. She wants to feel pretty and define her own femininity to combat her past trauma of bullying. So, she goes hard for her own comfort.

TERRAH // Terrah's grooming habits can be described as "SIMPLE & STRAIGHT-FORWARD;" Terrah takes pride in her skin & hair care, often prioritizing those first prior to how she dresses and what makeup she's putting on for the day if she even does her makeup for the day. This results in her natural beauty being more of a highlight, but her clothing & appearance being an afterthought. The only times when Terrah does more in terms of makeup & clothing would be for work events, like benefit galas, trips, special meetings, etc. Terrah doesn't see the point of calling attention to herself at all times unless it is necessary, so she will continue to streamline her process for her own comfort.

ELVIRA // Elvira's habits are rather INCONSISTENT day-to-day; they don't really worry about their hair given that she has had locs since she was a child, washing her hair on a biweekly basis and retwisting every couple of months. If Elvira is given a good day, I can consider her habits to be more meticulous, given that they live and breathe Gothic Aesthetic; if they have a day where they aren't worried about work, they dress up, do their dark & showy makeup, the whole nine, but it's not practical in the main scheme of things. It's very likely for Elvira to roll out of bed and throw on something simple before getting through a long day.

LILAH // Lilah would prefer for her self-care and grooming to be as minimal as possible, but she somehow finds a way to make her physical appearance a PRIORITY and self-care as a way of s*lf-harm. (See: Cassie in E*phoria Getting Ready @ 4am). Lilah is getting ready for the public, not for herself, so she agonizes for up to three hours in the morning, setting herself up as the image others want her to play. A treat for the eyes, a body without a soul. She knows inherently her routine is for others and not herself, she knows it's damaging. But the ritual excites her, motivates her; it was her path to success, and so she has to show the world she is there.

[mydissociativediaries]

6/2/2023: Timeline pt. 2

I'm trying to figure out a serious timeline for the events in my life, so here we go:

8/7/1999: Date my sister was born.

2001: I heavily associate the song "Blood" by Abandoned Pools with my repressed memories, whatever those are. I haven't thought about that as much lately because I've been focusing on my inner child selves, but...it's still in there, and something definitely happened. I don't think it happened in 2001--seems like it happened when I was a toddler? Who knows. I don't: it's a repressed memory!

2001/2002 (maybe): My mom told me that I started doing "it" two years ago.

2002: I could not BELIEVE this happened so early. When I was in elementary school, a classmate asked me which songs I relate to. I said "I'm Just a Kid" by Simple Plan and even started singing "I'm just a kid, and life is a nightmare..." I'm sure my classmate didn't believe me because my life looked happy from the outside, but in any case, I can't believe that my childhood depression started that early. I was only, what--maybe 9 or 10? I remember hearing Simple Plan on the radio, so it wasn't long after that album came out. MAYBE I listened to it a year or two later after listening to Simple Plan's more recent (at the time) music? The abuse did start when I was around 8 years old, so it's possible that I could've been showing signs of depression at that age. I wish I could remember what grade I was in.

2003 (maybe): Bad memory associated with "Hey Ya" by Outkast. I'm pretty sure I was listening to that song not long after it came out.

8/7/2003: Mom telling me that she won't let me play any games if I don't stop [action] at Chuck E. Cheese, which is where we were holding my asshole sister's 4th birthday party.

2004 (maybe): Mom telling me "When Daddy asked me if you [action], I said 'no'" while trying to guilt-trip me. Might've been a year or two earlier, but I feel like it was around the sentence-writing period.

2004: I remember writing sentences as a punishment, so I was well into the abuse by then. I would've been around 10 or 11. I know this year because I recall the (at the time) new episode of The Simpsons that my parents were watching. I didn't remember the title, but I looked up one of the lines that I recalled and found that date. I actually remember my dad giving me shit because he thought that I was watching the episode instead of writing sentences.

2004: One of my worst days also took place in that year. I can place it because we went to see the movie Starsky and Hutch (apparently, my mom enjoyed the original show), and...yeah, a lot of shit happened in that theater. I looked up the movie and found that date.

2004/2005 (maybe): Dad giving me shit in a restaurant--possibly Culver's--while I was trying to read H-rry P-tter and the Order of the Ph-enix (censored to keep this out of the HP tags.) The book came out in 2003, but I don't think I was reading it immediately afterward. In fact, I'm 99% sure I'd read it several times before. Likely, I was reading it at least a couple of years after it came out.

2004/2005 (maybe): Parents yelling at me in a restaurant at the mall. I was trying to read one of the books in The Clique series, and I think it was Best Friends for Never, which came out in 2004. I don't think I was reading it right after it came out, though. Could've been two or three years later for all I know.

2005: I have a memory of my mom threatening to punish me by not letting me watch "Star Trek: Enterprise." I think that was during the final season.

2005: I think my dad yelled at me on/around Christmas while I was reading H-rry P-tter and the H-lf-blood Pr-nce. This memory's a little shaky, though.

2005: Listening to "Different" by Acceptance on the radio and thinking that I wanted this song to play at my funeral if I killed myself.

2005/2006 (maybe): Dad flicked the headphones off my head to yell at me. I remember seeing autumn leaves around the truck. I'm uncertain about the date because a comic that I drew triggered this memory (a character flicked another character's hat off his head), which was recent at the time, and I think I was 12 or 13 when I was drawing those comics? Maybe 14? Incidentally, another comic that I drew had a triggering scene: a character saying "He's still doing that? I thought we were DONE with that!", something that my mom had said. Was I subconsciously trying to trigger myself?

2005/2006 (maybe): Thinking about it now, that triggering event that I just mentioned must've happened around the same time. (My dad followed up my mom's comment with "We are. That was the last one," directed at me.)

2005/2006 (maybe): Me telling an online friend "I've been through more than you know" during an argument. Hmm, what do you think I was referring to?

2006: I bought a Michael Crichton book called "Next" that came out that year. A couple of lines in that book about an artificial ear (it's the word "ear" that got to me--yeah, I know, it's weird) triggered severe flashbacks. I still remember those events vividly, but the memories were REALLY vivid at the time, suggesting that they'd happened recently. Still, it might not have been in the same year. The incident could've happened a year or two previously, and I'd probably still have vivid recollections.

5/24/2006: My parents, sister, grandmother and I went to see a blown glass exhibit. The trip itself was fun, but my dad gave me shit in front of my grandma (which I didn't like) before we left.

2006/2007 (maybe): This is the last time I went camping. It was just me, my parents and my POS sister, and I think I was 13? Might've been a couple of years earlier. This was in the "writing sentences" phase, so it's possible.

2006/2007 (maybe): Mom yelling at me after a parent-teacher conference (I'm pretty sure we spoke to my seventh- or eight-grade teacher, who was the same person) and saying "I wish your teachers could see what you're really like!"

Later in life:

2007: Probably the worst day happened in that year. I remember it so intensely that I recall an art piece that I saw on Deviantart. I looked it up and found the date that an admin featured it as a Daily Deviation, which is how I saw the piece (not when the artist originally posted it.) March 9, 2007. A song that came out that year--"I Still Remember" by Bloc Party--was also playing in my head at the time. Yep, I remember it that clearly.

2007: Miiight have happened a year earlier? But I think I was about to graduate from elementary school. Memory of my mom yelling at me before a Quiz Bowl tournament.

2007: During an incident while I was in my parents' truck, I started dissociating and thinking about how I wished I were back in one of the high schools that my class toured in elementary school when we were on the verge of graduating. I don't remember the exact incident, but it was obviously bad if I have a vivid memory like that attached to it. I believe it took place in autumn--in my memory, I see autumn trees outside the vehicle.

2007: Telling an online friend what my dad had told me: "You used to be a sweet little girl, and now you're turning into a brat." 99% sure I was a high school freshman at the time. I also mentioned the abuse to her without giving specifics sometime around that period.

2007: Sitting miserably in the theater with my mom and POS sister after watching "Shrek the Third," not realizing that I have major depression. I don't think I even considered that until college, which is crazy.

2007 (maybe): Dad screaming even louder than usual and scaring the shit out of me. I'm pretty sure I had just started high school.

2007/2008 (maybe): Mom telling me I didn't do "it" at all while I was on Prozac during my freshman year, which my doctor gave me to help me deal with my high school anxiety. Should've stayed on that shit, huh?

2008/2009 (maybe): Mom yelling at me in the car and unsympathetically saying "You look like you're about to cry!" right as my POS sister was triggering me. When we went inside the house, Mom turned on the movie "Fred Claus," which came out in 2007. However, this incident happened after the film was released--maybe or year or two later? I can't verify that, but that's what it feels like.

Post-high school:

2010: Last photo of me that my parents have in their house.

2011: Memory of my dad yelling at me on (probably) the same day that I posted a picture of a cupcake that my parents bought me on Facebook. November 6, 2011.

2012: Wow, this was super late. Feels like it happened earlier. My dad yelled at me during Madonna's Super Bowl performance. I would've been 18 or 19. February 5, 2012.

2012: Maaaybe the year my sister graduated from elementary school, but it could've been a year or so earlier. I remember her saying "Ew, no" when my mom suggested adding pictures of me to her memory board (God, I hate that worthless piece of shit.) Or that COULD have been when she was about to graduate high school? Not totally sure about that one.

Some I don't have dates for:

I showed signs of depression maaaybe in adolescence? I don't think I was in high school yet. For a few days after school, I told my mom I wanted to be alone in my room for a while because I felt like crying (didn't tell her that part.) My sister was pretty young but going to school and out of her toddler phase.

My parents yelling at me in a Ferris wheel. Cool! Could've been anywhere from childhood to early adolescence.

Parents giving me shit at Christmas but trying not to get angry since it was the holidays. I'm pretty sure I was on the younger end of the scale. Might have been anywhere from 8 to 11.

Parents yelling at me while watching an episode of Celebrity Deathmatch. That series aired from 1998 to 2002, but I vaguely recall my parents watching it as a rerun, maybe as a "Hey, we used to watch this show, let's watch it again!" moment. That could've been in any year. I was young, though.

Dad staring at me as a punishment while we were in a fast-casual restaurant. 99% sure I was in adolescence. I went into the bathroom and winked and smiled in the mirror, trying to keep it together. Trying not to show emotion in front of them.

Overhearing my dad telling my mom that he was about to strangle me. I was younger (don't remember how young), but I actually did the same thing. Smiled and winked to myself like everything was fine. Like it was a joke. That was the only way I could cope.

Parents yelling at me at The Cheesecake Factory in the mall. Who the hell knows when that happened.

My parents giving me a bunch of shit during mini-golf. I think that was two separate incidents.

This was definitely during adolescence, but I can't remember how old I was. My parents, sister and I were leaving a grocery store (might've been Walmart) and overhead a bratty teenager mouthing off to her parents. My dad said "Even [name]'s not THAT bad!" I felt like crying, but I didn't. I thought to myself "Wow, you sure know how to make a girl feel good." (OK, I'll admit that was cheesy. I probably picked that up from a book.)

Me crying alone in my room--I think I was anywhere from 8 to 11--and thinking to myself "I'll probably have problems with depression when I'm older." Boy, was I right!

My dad coldly mocking me in front of my sister, and me telling a friend about it the next day. Probably somewhere from 8 to 11.

Dad saying "Now I'm sounding like [name]" as an insult. Likely around the same age.

Mom threatening to "throw me out there with the skunk," although she actually regretted that one and told my sister "Don't laugh at that!", implying embarrassment.

Mom saying "You're not a puppy dog," then telling my sister "Maybe she is." Then my sister started talking to me like I were a dog. Thanks for that, Mom!

Mom calling me "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." That might've been somewhere from 2006 to 2007. Maybe a little younger? I feel like I was in adolescence, though.

Dad spanking me when I was way too old for that to humiliate me--so, early adolescence.

Mom screaming in my ear and yelling that I'm making her crazy. Goddamn. I'm going to say that was probably anywhere from 8 to 10 years old.

My POS sister mocking and humiliating me in my adulthood. Happened multiple times, don't have exact years or dates.

A day off from school when my mom told me "You can do whatever you want." As soon as she said that, I knew that I would not, in fact, do whatever I wanted. Sure enough, my dad ended up grounding me.

Sitting in a restaurant and trying not to cry while my parents half-assedly tried to get my POS sister to stop triggering me (they didn't try that hard, and she didn't stop) in a rare moment of sympathy.

Dad telling me "Either stop, or get the hell away from me." I did get the hell away from him, but not by choice--he sent me to my room.

Dad telling me "Go to your room" when "it" happened as we played checkers. I didn't even really want to play checkers.

Mom yelling "Oh, [name], I could hit you!"

Dad giving me shit and nudging my arm with his finger (it was pretty clear that he wanted to get way more physical than that.)

My dad saying "Now I'm starting to sound like [name]" when he was frustrated. Comparing someone to me is always an insult!

"If you want quiet, go to your room and shut the door. It'll be plenty quiet." Another gem from my dad.

Dad stopping to stare at me, then shaking his head coldly.

I swear to God, it's like he actively thought of new ways to give me shit: stopping and saying "Do I even have to say it?" Lmao what even was that? It was like a nasty joke.

Dad saying "Restrain yourself" after some other shit that I can't remember right now. But I remember the "vibe."

"I'm getting really tired of your shit!" from my dad in a parking lot.

"I'm going to fucking win" at the end of one of my dad's tirades. Him dropping the F-bomb like that really freaked me out.

There are plenty of others, most that I'm sure I forgot a long time ago. But I recall a lot of them.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 13/05/2023 (”Scrap the Monarchy”, Ed Sheeran, Bring Me the Horizon)

Content warning: Self-harm/depression, noncery, UK politics

For a fifth week, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding reigns on top of the UK Singles Chart, and it’s yet another standard episode so welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with the notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 – the region I cover – after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. We actually have some pretty dramatic exits with long-term hits. Sure, “Bad Habits” and “Shivers” are only out due to the three-song rule – more on Ed later – but we also say farewell to “Twust” by HStikkytokky and General G (good riddance), Luke Combs’ cover of “Fast Car”, “All of the Girls You Loved Before” by Taylor Swift, “Pretty Boys” by Caity Baser, “Red Flags” by Mimi Webb, “Until I Found You” by Stephen Sanchez, “10:35” by Tiesto and Tate McRae and finally, “B.O.T.A. (Baddest of Them All)” by Eliza Rose and Interplanetary Criminal, most of which all had fairly good runs, though we can’t say with certainty they’re permanently gone.

As for what’s filling in the gaps, we have a larger-than-usual batch of returns, those being “Rhyme Dust” by MK and Dom Dolla at #75, “Afraid to Feel” by LF SYSTEM at #73, “I Wrote a Song” by Mae Muller taking Eurovision hype to #45 (it peaked at #30 earlier this year) and finally, “Dog Days are Over” by Florence + the Machine taking advantage of a TikTok resurgence assisted by consistent streaming and its inclusion in the most recent Guardians of the Galaxy soundtrack. Florence’s best-known track, the song was originally released in 2008, eventually peaking at #23 in 2010. 13 years later, it could potentially reach an even higher peak – I’m not a big fan of the song, really, or Florence + the Machine in general, but this seems to be the most recent respected catalogue hit to have its perceivably deserved chart run come years after release. In addition, we have the release of Ed’s new album allowing for “Boat” to re-enter at a new peak of #15, even if it may just be for this week.

In terms of gains, they’re a bit less interesting but we do see boosts for even more old songs like “Maria Maria” by Santana featuring The Product G&B at #43 and “See You Again” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Kali Uchis at #21. As for the rest, there’s only two worth noting: “Giving Me” by Jazzy at #38 and “Dancing is Healing” by Rudimental, Vibe Chemistry and Charlotte Plank at #33, both EDM songs I’m not particularly happy to see gain traction.

The top five should be no surprise: “Calm Down” by Rema is at #5, “People” by Libianca is at #4, “Eyes Closed” by Ed Sheeran gets the album boost to #3, “Daylight” by David Kushner is at #2 and of course we have “Miracle” at #1, which means we now have to look into our mixed bag of new entries.

NEW ARRIVALS

#67 – “Soweto” – Victony, Don Toliver, Rema and Tempoe

Produced by Tempoe

For once, the Official Charts Company is crediting the remix version of a track, though this Don Toliver remix is actually one of many versions of “Soweto” released by Nigerian singer Victony and his producer Tempoe. Lyrically, it seems to mostly be about picking up a girl and dancing with her, and Tempoe definitely keeps with a lot of what you’d hear in Afrobeats: the tropical guitars and the bustling rhythms are here, though with a bit of a confusion to what the groove wants to be. The percussion here is doing like five things at once, and the whistling that is a bit too close to the front of the mix and sometimes just interrupts the song’s momentum doesn’t exactly help things. Victony’s vocals are completely fine, with some unique and infectious cadences, and the harmonies are sometimes a pretty sweet vibe, but the slightly muddy mix and liberal use of reverb and echo makes this just feel a bit formless, especially with the extended instrumental outro. Hearing Victony did remind me of Don Toliver, though, so it makes complete sense that he found himself on this remix... so it’s a shame that he doesn’t do much of interest. In fact, he fits in so perfectly that I almost didn’t notice that he stripped the song’s content of any subtlety or wholesomeness, not that it matters since the only singer who doesn’t blend into the instrumental here is Rema, who despite sounding slightly off-beat actually delivers a pretty impassioned verse furthered by the addition of some solid strings. Rema is probably my favourite part of the track, but not exactly enough to make me a fan, though I can definitely see the appeal. Oh, and the Omah Lay remix just adds an annoying, nasal verse from Lay that is practically embarrassing considering how much Auto-Tune he’s drizzled in, so in terms of version, I’ll definitely pick the other two over that one.

#63 – “MATHEMATICAL DISRESPECT” – Lil Mabu

Produced by Hemz

That is a... weirdly verbose title for a rap song, and this guy is somehow both the NF and Lil Dicky of New York drill. The beat isn’t bad, even if there’s very little build-up to the overly loud 808 slides that sound straight out of a NY drill how-to guide, so it’s not dead on arrival until this douchebag starts rapping. I wouldn’t insult him straight out of the gate if he didn’t come off so unlikeable, seemingly on purpose, with his irritating inflections and aggressive white-boy yelling sounding like a complete mockery of the genre, including an interlude where he explains his bars, dog barking ad-libs, an outro where he sounds like how XXXTENTACION used to sing, and Wordle references to date this even further. There’s zero charm to this, since it acts as what is essentially a guy with no respect for much in music but himself reminding the audience why they shouldn’t listen to him. Even if I assumed sincerity, he’d just be some tryhard edgy rapper hopping on the drill train, with the first verse saying the blowjob has him dead so she calls her Virgil, punctuated with him laughing at his own joke. Regardless of your opinions on Abloh, it’s just cheap and gross, and deserves no respect in hip hop or on the charts. Screw you, let’s move on.

#51 – “Back 2 Back” – Tunde featuring Potter Payper

Produced by Chucks, Emz Beats and ProdbyElite

Tunde is a rapper from Manchester whose album First Lap debuted at #4 on this week’s albums chart, so naturally, the feature-led track with a music video ends up in a decent position on the chart. I’m not familiar with Tunde at all so I was wondering how he’d fit with the pretty dull Potter Payper and I... was not expecting this at all. It’s got reversed eerie melodies creeping in and out with a groovy Detroit trap bassline and the scrunkling drums that come with that genre – it’s a great, exciting beat, dodgy bass mastering included honestly. So how do our rappers fare? Honestly, pretty damn well. Potter and Tunde are trading verses here, mostly posturing about gang violence with enough words being censored so that you can tell there’s some truth to the bars, not that I wouldn’t believe them. Tunde has a lot of energy, and Potter Payper comes with a rasp that adds a lot of grit, and the song’s signature flow goes really hard over this heavily percussive instrumental. Sure, it’s embarrassing to admit you’re investing in crypto, but the dynamic the two have is pretty great: Tunde is building tension up with its slightly more relaxed tone of voice, but the strings come in fully for most of Potter Payper’s verses, which intensifies his already incredibly passionate delivery that much more. Tunde coming into Potter’s verses through ad-libs that foreshadow his verses whilst also acting as a bridge into the different styles of delivery is a slick way of adding more chemistry, which they already have by flipping each other’s rhyme schemes. Honestly, for any UK rapper – or rapper from anywhere for that matter – trying to do a song where a duo trades bars, this is a great example of how to create a dynamic that excites the listener. I’m surprised by how much I like this, but everyone pretty much kills it here, especially Potter Payper, so I can definitely endorse this heavy, intense banger. Speaking of UK hip hop...

#35 – “Healing” – Tion Wayne

Produced by Crumz and GA

We have the return of Tion Wayne, a rapper who I’ve always really liked, considering his deep, richer tones, great beat selection and tendency to play with beats in a really jerky way that makes them really enriching to keep up with. Now don’t get me wrong – a lot of that appeal is here, and the dominating bass squeals coating the choir sample in fear is a great loop idea... yet, it’s not working for me too well. The chorus isn’t as immediately recognisable as I want it to be, and whilst it may work as a comeback that goes decently hard, the shaking percussion  never feels like it’s tough and metallic enough for how domineering the rest of the beat is. This is also some of Tion’s most aggressive and staccato delivery, which would work if he weren’t compensating for a lack of actually interesting or funny lines this time around, which is a shame because Tion can be really memorable when he wants to be. There are some good references, and the flows allow him to shift rhyme schemes and cadences constantly, but he doesn’t really stick around on any one idea to master it. This is far from bad, but it does feel like a lesser version of “Wow” which is a song I still come back to for many of the same reasons I’d come back to “Healing”, whilst being a lot catchier, funnier and honestly just harder. There’s still a lot more effort and energy put into this than some of the drill that charts, though, so I’m still looking forward to whatever Tion has cooking after this.

#29 – “LosT” – Bring Me the Horizon

Produced by Zakk Cervini and Evil Twin

I’m predisposed to like Bring Me the Horizon, so I was interested in this new single, which seemingly acts as the lead for whatever’s next for the band. Frontman Oli Sykes says that it’s a very personal song the band spent years on making, so there was some hope and... wow, this really sounds like underscores could have made it. The indecipherable vocal manipulating and synthssprinkling some hyperpop hijinx on this otherwise pop punk instrumental instantly reminded me of “Spoiled little brat”, and the similarities furthered with Sykes’ uncharacteristically deadpan delivery of the honest, detailed lyrics wherein he struggles with understanding himself or how to fix any of his problems. For a song with such explicit and sad detail in the verses, it doesn’t come to many interesting conclusions and spends a lot of its time whining... which is completely fine and actually helps the song wallow in its own emptiness a lot. His yelling has always been situational for me, so for him to bring the rasp in the pre-chorus seems really awkward, when I would have preferred more vocal layers to really code this into the hyperpop formula. There are some other grievances I have, like how the breakbeat interlude does not translate to the organic drums at all, and “serotonin’s proper on its arse” is a terrible lyric, but ultimately it’s a serviceable, pop-friendly version of a sound I quite like, with an on-the-nose breakdown completing the song. It wouldn’t feel like Bring Me the Horizon without one, I suppose... but there are better fusions of electropop and hyperpop with alternative rock below the mainstream that feel a lot more primal and cathartic than this, so I think I’ll stick with funeral to fill this similar niche in a much more atmospheric and thoughtful way. Good effort though, guys.

#16 – “Curtains” – Ed Sheeran

Produced by Aaron Dessner

The three-song rule really does water down the impact of an album sometimes. Of course, Ed’s newest – (Substract) debuted at #1 on the albums chart, but only having three songs spread across the top 20, this being the lowest, seems like it’s an under-performance... but the man would have 16 songs in the top 75 this week – without the rule, it would definitely at least visually appear more impressive. Regardless, Ed’s latest has its release-day single being pushed, and I haven’t been particularly impressed with these new singles even if I’ve wanted to like them, so I had some of my hopes set on this one... and yeah, this one resonates. Much of the song is from the perspective of someone who was very introverted and insecure finally feeling well enough to take on the world again, even if it’s one step at a time, with the chorus and title referring to a friend or significant other convincing them to pull away the curtains so they can just see the sun again... and man, I don’t want to explain why that hits hard particularly with me. Hell, I think the narrator would say the same: the pre-chorus has these fleeting recollections of trauma that are pushed to the side for the sake of looking to the future, with a reference to self-harm dressed in a seemingly innocuous tendency to wear long sleeves. I can definitely see how this could be patronising – it’s not self-empowerment but rather a surface-level motivational song coming from Ed himself talking to the person in hard times, but from someone who’s been in a very specific version of this place before – sometimes it’s good to hear someone else confirming that it isn’t all over. I also think that Ed can’t ever write an insincere song, with the Aaron Dessner production taking this into indie rock territory, a natural fit for Sheeran’s honest delivery. The rhythmic delivery of the verses against the drums reflects a self-deflection and facade I don’t think I’ve ever heard Ed Sheeran pull off like this before, and whilst I don’t particularly like all the reverb on his voice, once the sunshine creeps in for the chorus, full of falsetto harmonies and soaring strings and guitar lines, it’s a lot easier to ignore. It’s in this mode of constant subtle build-up led by the increasingly rackety drums that I think give a needed sense of adventure to finally getting yourself out of a rut. It’s not my favourite song from Ed, but I think it might be a necessary one. Great stuff.

#9 – “Scrap the Monarchy” – The Krown Jewels

Produced by ???

Finally, a song and artist name by this group that I can say on this vaguely family-friendly show. Wayne Clements is known for his Boris Johnson protest tracks but he’s gotten more detailed with his verses over time, making it feel more genuine and less of a populist novelty... okay, well, it’s not gotten less populist. Clements goes for a mix of electronics and his typical brand of 70s glam rock for a comically sweet-sounding song about how we should abolish the monarchy because... well, I mean, why not? The song gives many cases for it, from King Charles having fat fingers to the genuine distaste I think we all should have that our taxes are being used to chauffer this elitist around for his coronation when people are starving elsewhere in the country. Oh, and it’s a damn good song too! Clements clearly has a higher budget as the drums and guitar riffs are clearer and harder-hitting than they’ve ever been,  and each refrain is insanely infectious. The second verse and chorus take aim at the BBC as well as the pedophile connections the Royal Family has, with the biting line that covering up for nonces is their lasting legacy. The third verse leads you in with a couple guys questioning if Prince William has really done anything all that wrong... but of course, “there’s proof: when he does his good deeds, there’s always cameras there”. If I wasn’t already an anti-royalist, I think I’d be radicalised by the last line where he sarcastically says we should send them to Rwanda – if you know the current UK political climate, you know. There aren’t as many alternate versions this time... is what I thought until I saw there were SIXTY-TWO REMIXES. I usually go through them all but... this is utter madness, oh my God. I appreciate the dedication, and the remix quantity definitely helped it debut this high, but at this point, the songs kind of stand on their own, and I’m not sure if he needs to really use the same old anti-LadBaby tactics. This is a damn great protest song in its own right and whilst it maybe wouldn’t have charted as high without them, I think it represents what a lot of people are thinking right now.

Conclusion

That was a really mixed selection but I think Best of the Week is clear: it’s going to Ed Sheeran for “Curtains”. That’s the clearest it gets, though, because there’s honestly a lot of quality, so I’m tying the Honourable Mention: “Back 2 Back” by Tunde featuring Potter Payper as well as of course, “Scrap the Monarchy” by the Krown Jewelz, both get the title. The Worst of the Week is the most obvious I think it’s ever been – Lil Mabu takes it for “MATHEMATICAL DISRESPECT” – I understand the viral moment, but it doesn’t deserve attention beyond that. As for what’s coming on the horizon... there’s a little local contest going on in Liverpool that may debut some songs. It’s not confirmed because it’s still a bit of a small competition with just a few participants but it could still happen. For now, thanks for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

[gffa]

OKAY, IF I’M GONNA DO THIS, I’M GONNA DO IT PROPERLY.  WHICH MEANS YEAH IT’S GONNA GET REALLY LONG. A couple of things to say ahead of time:  Lucasfilm’s Story Group has always said CANON > WORD OF GOD when it comes to these matters, so when I quote canon examples from supplementary materials that contradict what he says, that’s LF’s official position, but that doesn’t mean that an influential person like Dave’s views couldn’t affect how things will be shaped in the future, like Deborah Chow listening to this may be influenced by it on the Obi-Wan show, despite that Master & Apprentice contradicts him.  It’s an incredibly murky area!  Mileages are going to vary.   Another thing to keep in mind is that Dave Filoni never worked on The Phantom Menace, that was long, long before his time at Lucasfilm (which I think he joined sometime around 2007? and TPM was released in 1999), that he has worked with George more than probably anyone else, but we cannot and should not treat him as infallible or the True Authority on things, because even Dave himself has said things like: “I mean, I know why I did that and what it means, but I don't like to explain too much. I love for the viewers to watch stuff and come up with their own theories -- and they frankly come up with better things that I intended.”  --Dave Filoni, Entertainment Tonight 2020 interview Or, in the same episode as the above Qui-Gon interpretation:

So, when I dig into this, I’m not doing this out of a sense of malice or even that I suddenly hate Dave or don’t appreciate all the incredible things he’s brought to SW, but in that I disagree with his take, Dave understands that he doesn’t always get it right, that he enjoys that fans come up with different things than he does and sometimes he likes those even more.  There’s room for both of us and, for all that Dave mentions George a lot (and, hey, fair enough, the guy worked with George and I’m just quoting what George Lucas has said) doesn’t mean that this is straight from George, especially because I have never seen George Lucas utter so much as a peep about how the Jedi were responsible for Anakin’s fall.  He has explicitly and frequently talked about how Anakin’s fall was his own choice, as well as I’ve never seen him say anything Jedi-critical beyond “they were kind of arrogant about themselves”.  I have read and watched every George Lucas interview I could get my hands on and maybe I’m still missing something, but that’s literally the extent of him criticizing the Jedi I have EVER seen. (It’s from the commentary on AOTC where he put in the scene with Jocasta to show they were full of themselves, but I also think it’s fair to point out that Obi-Wan immediately contradicts this by going to Dex for help, showing that it’s not necessarily a Jedi-wide thing.) Before I go further, I want to say:  this is not a post meant to tear down Qui-Gon, he is a character I actually really do love, but the focus is on showing why the above interpretation of him is wrong, which means focusing on Qui-Gon’s flaws. He has many wonderful qualities, he is someone who cared deeply and was a good person, I think things would have been better had he lived!  But Anakin’s choices did not hinge on him, because Anakin’s choices were Anakin’s, that has always been the consistent theme of how George talks about him, the way he talks about the story is always in terms of “Anakin did this” or “Anakin chose that”, and the Jedi are very consistently shown as caring, they believed very much in love and Dave’s own show (well, I say “his own show”, but honestly TCW was George’s baby primarily and he had a lot of direct, hands-on say in crafting it, through at least the first five seasons) is plenty of evidence of that. I’m not going to quote the full thing because this is already a monster post, I’m just going to focus on the Jedi stuff, because I like the other points a lot, but if you want the full text, it’s here.  The relevant part is: “In Phantom Menace, you’re watching these two Jedi in their prime fight this evil villain. Maul couldn’t be more obviously the villain. He’s designed to look evil, and he is evil, and he just expresses that from his face all the way out to the type of lightsaber he fights with. What’s at stake is really how Anakin is going to turn out. Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. But Qui-Gon is ahead of them all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” “So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family. So that moment in that movie which a lot of people I think diminish, “oh there’s a cool lightsaber fight”, but it’s everything that the entire three films of the prequels hangs on, is that one particular fight. And Maul serves his purpose and at that point died before George made me bring him back, but he died.“  --Dave Filoni  I’m going to take this a piece at a time to show why I really disagree with the content of both the movies and The Clone Wars supporting what Dave says and, instead, contradicts it a lot. The rest of the Jedi are so detached and they become so political that they’ve really lost their way and Yoda starts to see that in the second film. He doesn’t explain what this means, but I’m pretty sure that he’s referring to this conversation: OBI-WAN: “I am concerned for my Padawan. He is not ready to be given this assignment on his own yet.” YODA: “The Council is confident in its decision, Obi-Wan.” MACE WINDU: “The boy has exceptional skills.” OBI-WAN: “But he still has much to learn, Master. His abilities have made him... well.... arrogant.” YODA: “Yes, yes. A flaw more and more common among Jedi. Hmm... too sure of themselves they are. Even the older, more experienced ones.” MACE WINDU: “Remember, Obi-Wan, if the prophecy is true, your apprentice is the only one who can bring the Force back into balance.” OBI-WAN: "If he follows the right path.” None of that has anything to do with being “detached” and, further, I think this is something that’s come up with Dave’s view of Luminara a lot, because he’s described her (re: the Geonosis arc):  “We were trying to illustrate the difference between the way Anakin is raising his Padawan, and how much he cares about her, and the way Luminara raises her Padawan. Not that Luminara is indifferent, but that Luminara is detached. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but she’s not attached to her emotionally.” Here, he says that the Jedi care, in the above, he says that the Jedi don’t care, which makes me think there’s a lot of characterization drift as time goes on, especially when fandom bombards everyone with the idea that the Jedi were cold, emotionless, and didn’t care.  However, look at Luminara’s face in that arc, when she’s talking with Anakin:

That is not the face of someone who doesn’t care.  She even smiles brightly in relief when Barriss is shown to be okay, that this really doesn’t convey “detached” in an unloving or uncaring way.  (We’ll get to attachment later, that’s definitely coming.) (I’m also mostly skipping the political thing, because I think that’s just a fundamental disagreement of whether Jedi should or should not lean into politics.  My view basically boils down to that I think ALL OF US should be leaning more into politics because we are citizens who live in the world and are responsible for it, and the Jedi are no different.  This is evidenced by:  - M&A’s storyline has Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan saving the day specifically because they play politics, that’s how they manage to free the slaves, through playing politics and being part of the Republic/having Senate backing. - The Clone Wars has shown that the Jedi believe “lasting change can only come from within” and “it’s every citizen’s duty to hold their leaders accountable” when Ahsoka teaches the cadets on Mandalore, as well as that politics are not inherently bad, given that Padme and Bail are working to make the system better or “create lasting change from within [the system]” - "Trying to serve the greater good does not always make you popular” says Padme Amidala in a very caring speech - Star Wars Propaganda makes the case that the Jedi might have won the war had they leaned more into politics. - Sometimes the Jedi get unfairly accused of playing politics when there’s just no good choice and they still have to choose one or the other.) But Qui-Gon is ahead of them [re: caring and loving] all and that’s why he’s not part of the council. This is flat-out wrong in regards to canon.  Mileages are going to vary, of course, on how much one takes a novel into consideration, but Dave Filoni is not a fan with the luxury of deciding what is or isn’t canon, he works on Star Wars where canon is canon.  Now, does that mean canon will never contradict itself, especially if Dave gets to write something for Qui-Gon?  Of course not, SW isn’t immune to continuity errors and they themselves have never said otherwise, even when fans want to hold them to that standard. However, this is still pretty much a big “that’s not what happened” instance.  In Master & Apprentice, the Jedi Council offer a seat to Qui-Gon on the Council, specifically BECAUSE he has different opinions from them and they welcome that.  (Excerpt here.)      “We hope it will also be our gain,” Mace replied. “Qui-Gon Jinn, we hereby offer you a seat on the Jedi Council.”      Had he misheard? No, he hadn’t. Qui-Gon slowly gazed around the circle, taking in the expressions of each Council member in turn. Some of them looked amused, others pleased. A few of them, Yoda included, appeared more rueful than not. But they were serious.      “I admit—you’ve surprised me,” Qui-Gon finally said.“I imagine so,” Mace said drily. “A few years ago, we would’ve been astonished to learn we would ever consider this. But in the time since, we’ve all changed. We’ve grown. Which means the possibilities have changed as well.”      Qui-Gon took a moment to collect himself. Without any warning, one of the turning points of his life had arrived. Everything he said and did in the next days would be of great consequence. “You’ve argued with my methods often as not, or perhaps you’d say I’ve argued with yours.”      “Truth, this is,” Yoda said.      Depa Billaba gave Yoda a look Qui-Gon couldn’t interpret. “It’s also true that the Jedi Council needs more perspectives.” Ultimately, Qui-Gon is the who turns them down and gives up a chance to shape the Jedi Council because he doesn’t like the shape they’re taking.  That he does become less political, but this is after he’s argued that the Jedi should be working to push the Senate harder, so when he has a chance to help with that, he turns it down.  It has nothing to do with caring and loving, it’s about Qui-Gon’s desire to not have to deal with the work himself, when he wants to be more of a hippie Jedi.  (I’ve written a lot about Qui-Gon in M&A, why I actually think it’s really spot-on to someone who can be both really kind and really kind of a dick, but it’s not the most flattering portrayal, even if narrative intention likely didn’t mean what came across to me.  I think this post and this post are probably the most salient ones, but if you want something of an index of the web that’s being woven with all the various media, this one is good, too.) So he’s fighting for Anakin and that’s why it’s the ‘Duel of the Fates’ – it’s the fate of this child. And depending on how this fight goes, Anakin, his life is going to be dramatically different. I have only ever seen George Lucas talk about Anakin’s fate in one instance and it’s this:  “It’s fear of losing somebody he loves, which is the flipside of greed. Greed, in terms of the Emperor, it’s the greed for power, absolute power, over everything. With Anakin, really it’s the power to save the one he loves, but it’s basically going against the Fates and what is natural.“ –George Lucas, Revenge of the Sith commentary I’ve made my case about why I think Anakin’s fate is about that moment in Palpatine’s office, and so I’m not fundamentally opposed that “Duel of the Fates” is about Anakin’s fate, but here’s what George has provably said about the “Duel of the Fates” part of the story: - In the commentary for The Phantom Menace during “Duel of the Fates” and none of Dave’s speculation is even hinted at, there’s more focus on the technical side of things and the most George talks about is that it’s Obi-Wan who parallels Luke in going over the edge during the fight, except that instead of a Sith cutting off a Jedi’s hand, it’s a Jedi cutting a Sith in half, drawing the parallels between them. - He does say of the funeral scene that this is where Obi-Wan commits to training Anakin and how everything is going to go (though, in canon we see that Obi-Wan still struggles with this a bit, but Yoda is there to support him and nudge him into committing even more to Anakin, because the Jedi are a supportive community to each other).  This is some solid evidence for that Obi-Wan is already caring about Anakin beyond just Qui-Gon. - Then here’s what he says about the “Duel of the Fates” fights and themes of them in "All Films Are Personal": George Lucas: “I wanted to come up with an apprentice for the Emperor who was striking and tough. We hadn’t seen a Sith Lord before, except for Vader, of course. I wanted to convey the idea that Jedi are all very powerful, but they’re also vulnerable — which is why I wanted to kill Qui-Gon. That is to say, “Hey, these guys aren’t Superman.” These guys are people who are vulnerable, just like every other person. “We needed to establish that, but at the same time, we wanted the ultimate sword fight, because they were all very good. It sort of predisposes the sword fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan later on. There’s real purpose to it. You have to establish the rules and then stick with them. The scene illustrates just how Jedi and Sith fight and use lightsabers.” “So Qui-Gon loses, of course. So the father figure, he knew what it meant to take this kid away from his mother when he had an attachment, and he’s left with Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan trains Anakin at first out of a promise he makes to Qui-Gon, not because he cares about him.  We’ll get to the “attachment to his mother” thing in a bit--but, for now, let’s just say, George Lucas’ words on this are not that attachment to her was a good thing. Fair enough that “not because he cares about him” is up to personal interpretation, but canon has also addressed the topic of Obi-Wan’s treatment of Anakin and Obi-Wan stepped up to the plate on this.  In addition to how we see Obi-Wan REPEATEDLY being there for Anakin and being concerned and caring about him, they specifically talk about Qui-Gon and overcome this hurdle.

No, Obi-Wan is not Anakin’s father figure, on that we definitely agree.  Anakin never really even treats Obi-Wan like a father--he says “you’re the closest thing I have to a father” in Attack of the Clones, as well as he says Obi-Wan practically raised him in The Clone Wars “Crystal Crisis” story reels, but Anakin has never actually acted like Obi-Wan is his father--”then why don’t you listen to me?” Obi-Wan points out in AOTC--as well as Obi-Wan glides past those remarks, which I’ve always taken that he doesn’t want to reject Anakin’s feelings, knowing that Anakin can be sensitive about them, but neither does he want to confirm them. This does not mean Obi-Wan was not supportive, caring, and loving.  He says, “I loved you!” to Anakin in Revenge of the Sith, he asks after him and if he’s sleeping well in Attack of the Clones, and even George Lucas himself said that the elevator scene was set up TO SHOW OBI-WAN AND ANAKIN CARE FOR EACH OTHER:

PUTTING THE REST UNDER A READ MORE FOR A BETTER LENGTH REBLOGGABLE VERSION, IF  YOU WANT.

This is further evidenced by how the Jedi do see themselves as family, they just don’t need to put it into strict nuclear family dynamics:     - “You were my brother, Anakin!  I loved you!”  [–Obi-Wan Kenobi, Revenge of the Sith]      - “We are brothers, Master Dibs.” [–Mace Windu, Jedi of the Republic - Mace Windu]      - “Did your parents bicker?” she asked. “The adoptive ones, I mean.”         A slow smile broke across Ashla’s face, curling first one side of her mouth and then the other. Whatever she was remembering, Kaeden could tell it was good.         "All the time,“ Ashla said, almost as if she were talking to herself. [–Kaeden Larte, Ahsoka Tano, Ahsoka]      -  Vos, brought to the Temple even younger than most, felt that he had hundreds of brothers and sisters, and it seemed that whenever he went into the dining hall he ran into at least half of them. [Dark Disciple]       - “It was not his birthplace, exactly, but the Jedi Temple was where Quinlan Vos had grown up. He’d raced through its corridors, hidden behind its massive pillars, found peace in its meditation hall, ended-and started-fights in rooms intended for striking blows and some that weren’t, and sneaked naps in its library. All Jedi came here, at some point in their lives; for Quinlan, it always felt like coming home when he ran lightly up the stairs and entered the massive building as he did now.” [Dark Disciple] Brothers, sisters, and other more non-traditional kinds of family are not lesser and Obi-Wan and Anakin absolutely were family, just as the Jedi are all family to each other, so, no, there was no “failing” Anakin, except in Anakin’s mind, perhaps.  (In that, I can agree.  But not on a narratively approved level, canon too thoroughly refutes that for me.) Rebels as well pretty thoroughly shows that non-traditional families are meaningful and just as important--we may joke that Hera is “space mom”, but she’s not actually Ezra or Sabine’s mother, Kanan is not actually their father, and even if they sometimes stray into aspects of those roles (as the Jedi do as well in the movies and TCW), that they don’t need that traditional nuclear family structure.  Mentor figures--and Kanan is Ezra’s mentor--are just as meaningful and needful as a “dad”.  And I’m kind of :/ at the implication that anyone without a dad/father figure or mom/mother figure is being “failed”. When they get Anakin, they find him on Tatooine, he says “Why do I feel like we’ve found another useless lifeform?” He’s comparing Anakin to Jar Jar and he’s saying “this is a waste of our time, why are we doing this, why do you see importance in these creatures like Jar Jar Binks and this ten-year-old boy? This is useless.” Whether or not Obi-Wan is being genuinely dismissive in this movie (I think you could make a case either way), the idea that Qui-Gon is better than Obi-Wan about this, as shown through Jar Jar isn’t exactly very supported given how Qui-Gon and Jar Jar first exchange words:

QUI-GON: “You almost got us killed. Are you brainless?”   JAR JAR:  “I spake.”   QUI-GON: “The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.” Qui-Gon is just as bad as everyone else to Jar Jar, he’s not somehow elevated above them. It’s also baffling because, Dave, I have watched your show.  The Jedi are specifically shown to be kind to people and creatures, not considering them “useless”.  Henry Gilroy (who was the co-writer for The Clone Wars and frequently appeared in featurettes on the same level as Dave Filoni) explicitly draws this to The Jedi Way, that “life is everything to the Jedi“, when he said this about the Ryloth episodes:

(Caps cribbed from Pan’s blog, because I cannot make another gif, save me, please.)      Henry Gilroy in an Aggressive Negotiations Interview:  "Obi-Wan truly is a Jedi in that he’s like, ‘Okay, I’m not going to murder these creatures [in the Ryloth arc of The Clone Wars].  They’re starving to death.  They’ve basically been unleashed against these people as a weapon, but it’s not their fault. They’re just doing what they do.  They’re just animals who wanna eat.’     "So the idea was–and I think there was an early talk about how, 'Oh, yeah, he’ll go running through them and slicing and dicing them and chop them all up or whatever, and save his guys.  And I’m like, 'Yeah, but that’s not really the Jedi way.  He’s not just gonna murder these creatures.’     "And I know the threat is [there], to save one life you have to take one, but the idea of him [is]: why can’t Obi-Wan just be more clever?  He basically draws them in and then traps them.     "It says something about who the Jedi are, they don’t just waste life arbitrarily.  And someone could have gone, 'Oh, yeah, but it would have been badass if he’d just ran in there with his lightsaber spinning and stabbed them all in the head!’  And 'Yeah, you’re right, I guess he could be that, but he’s trying to teach his clones a lesson right then, about the sanctity of life.’       "That is the underlying theme of that entire episode.  Which is:  A tactical droid is using the people as living shields.  Life means nothing to the Separatists.  The droids.  But life is everything to the Jedi.  And even though he doesn’t have to say that, it’s all through the episode thematically.“ It’s also Obi-Wan who teaches Anakin about kindness to mindless creatures in the Obi-Wan & Anakin comic:

"These beasts are nearly mindless, Anakin.  I can feel it.  They are merely following their nature, they should not die simply because they crossed our path. Use the Force to send them on their way.” Now, fair enough if you want to say Obi-Wan was taught by Qui-Gon, but also Qui-Gon is dead by that point and Obi-Wan growing into being more mature is his own accomplishment, not Qui-Gon’s, especially given that we see Qui-Gon himself being pretty dismissive to Jar Jar in TPM. This isn’t unique thing either, Padme is incredibly condescending to Jar Jar in “Bombad Jedi” and expresses clear annoyance with him to C-3PO when sighing over him.  Jar Jar is a character you kind of have to warm up to, pretty much the only one we’ve seen consistently being favorable to him is Yoda (and maybe Anakin, though, Anakin doesn’t really interact with him a ton) and Mace Windu warms up to him considerably in “The Disappeared” and even specifically is shown to be teaching him and helping him, which is a huge theme of the Jedi and how much they care.

So, ultimately, the point I’m winding my way towards is--the other Jedi do show kindness and consideration to Jar Jar Binks, including characters like Mace Windu, so if you’re judging the Jedi based on that, the conclusion of Qui-Gon somehow being more compassionate and loving is really pretty thoroughly disproved by The Phantom Menace and The Clone Wars themselves. So, he’s a brother to Anakin eventually but he’s not a father figure. That’s a failing for Anakin. He doesn’t have the family that he needs. He loses his mother in the next film. He fails on this promise that he made, “mother, I’m going to come back and save you”. So he’s left completely vulnerable and Star Wars is ultimately about family.  You could be charitable and say this is just from Anakin’s point of view that it’s a “failing”, but within the context of what Dave’s saying, it’s clearly meant as a more narratively approved take, not just Anakin’s point of view, and I really, really dislike the idea that Anakin--or anyone, really--needs a traditional nuclear family, ie a “mom” and/or a “dad”, or else it’s a “failing” for them. Setting aside that the idea that Qui-Gon would need to be Anakin’s dad to be kind to hi (which is ?????) is contradicted by The Clone Wars as well.  Yes, Qui-Gon is warm with Anakin in several scenes, which is what Dave is presumably drawing on to show that Qui-Gon believed the Jedi should be caring and loving, but you know who else is warm to younglings?  OTHER JEDI COUNCIL MEMBERS.

Those two scenes have the exact same kind of warmth to them.  Ie, THE JEDI ALL BELIEVED IN BEING LOVING AND KIND, NOT JUST QUI-GON.  The things evidenced to show Qui-Gon was loving and kind are evidenced just as much in other Council members, in Dave’s own show. As a bonus--have Mace Windu, known Jedi Council member, being super kind and loving towards a young Twi’lek girl he just met in a canon comic:

But I know that this is about the way the Council treated Anakin in The Phantom Menace testing scene, but here’s the thing--when I go back and I watch that scene and the Jedi aren’t ever mean to him, they’re neutral in an official testing situation, where they are trying to determine if he’s able to adapt to the Jedi ways.  They never once say he’s bad for holding onto his fear, only that he does--which Anakin digs his heels in and gets angry about, he can’t really even admit that he’s afraid and that’s a huge deal for the Jedi. I’ve made a longer post about it here (and here), but the basic gist is: - That scene has Yoda giving the famous “Fear leads to the dark side” speech which is almost word for word how George Lucas describes how the Force works, showing the Jedi are narratively correct - “Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi” may be from the sequels, but it is thoroughly supported by the movies and TCW and Rebels and even supplementary canon material, including that the Jedi literally design their tests around both Masters and Padawans for it (Ilum, the Jedi Temple on Lothal, etc. - Anakin cannot admit to his fears in that TPM scene - We have examples of Jedi younglings do admit to their fears and the point isn’t not to have them, but to face them--the younglings in “The Gathering” are the most blatant example of this, but it’s also pretty much the entire theme of Jedi: Fallen Order, especially when Cal goes to Ilum to face his fears and get another kyber crystal. The point isn’t that Anakin--who has very good reasons to be afraid! nothing in the story or the Jedi have said he didn’t!--is wrong or bad, but that he’s not a great fit for the Jedi life because he is “unwilling to accept [Jedi philosophy] emotionally”.  And they’re right about this, because this is how George Lucas describes Anakin in commentary: “The fact that everything must change and that things come and go through his life and that he can’t hold onto things, which is a basic Jedi philosophy that he isn’t willing to accept emotionally and the reason that is because he was raised by his mother rather than the Jedi. If he’d have been taken in his first year and started to study to be a Jedi, he wouldn’t have this particular connection as strong as it is and he’d have been trained to love people but not to become attached to them.”  --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary And so this brings us to A T T A C H M E N T, which, yeah, we’ve been having this discussion forever, but I’m going to state it again:  Within Star Wars, ATTACHMENT IS NARRATIVELY A BAD THING.  It is consistently tied to possessive, obsessive relationships, to greed and an unwillingness to let things go when it’s time (letting go is a huge theme in Star Wars) and equating love with attachment is fundamentally wrong according to George Lucas’ Star Wars worldbuilding: “The Jedi are trained to let go. They’re trained from birth,” he continues, “They’re not supposed to form attachments. They can love people-- in fact, they should love everybody. They should love their enemies; they should love the Sith. But they can’t form attachments. So what all these movies are about is: greed. Greed is a source of pain and suffering for everybody. And the ultimate state of greed is the desire to cheat death.” --George Lucas, The Making of Revenge of the Sith If attachment and love were the same thing, then he would be saying, “They should love their enemies, they should love the Sith.  But they can’t love.”  The way George makes the distinction shows that, no, attachment and love aren’t the same thing at all, attachment is not caring.  Further, there’s another instance of him showing there’s an important distinction between relationships and attachment and the association of attachmets with possession:  "Jedi Knights aren’t celibate - the thing that is forbidden is attachments - and possessive relationships.” --George Lucas, BBC News interview So, yes, when Anakin is attached to people, it is directly tied to obsession, possession, and greed, all things of the dark side: “He turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.”  --George Lucas, Time Magazine  “But he has become attached to his mother and he will become attached to Padme and these things are, for a Jedi, who needs to have a clear mind and not be influenced by threats to their attachments, a dangerous situation. And it feeds into fear of losing things, which feeds into greed, wanting to keep things, wanting to keep his possessions and things that he should be letting go of. His fear of losing her turns to anger at losing her, which ultimately turns to revenge in wiping out the village. The scene with the Tusken Raiders is the first scene that ultimately takes him on the road to the dark side. I mean he’s been prepping for this, but that’s the one where he’s sort of doing something that is completely inappropriate.“ --George Lucas, Attack of the Clones commentary ATTACHMENT IS BAD IN STAR WARS AS THEY DEFINE IT. Finally, I’m going to circle back to: Because Qui-Gon is different than the rest of the Jedi and you get that in the movie; and Qui-Gon is fighting because he knows he’s the father that Anakin needs. Because Qui-Gon hasn’t given up on the fact that the Jedi are supposed to actually care and love and that’s not a bad thing. Here’s the thing about this:  You know who else, by this logic, Qui-Gon should have been a father to?  OBI-WAN KENOBI. This isn’t said as “Anakin specifically needs a father” (which I think would be an interesting idea to bandy about and I’m not disagreeing, though, it’s complicated because of what Anakin refuses to accept emotionally), it’s said in a bigger context, that Qui-Gon is better than the other Jedi because he understands the need for fathers (and thus this ties into Return of the Jedi) and he’s ahead of the other Jedi, who apparently think loving and caring about people are bad things, but Qui-Gon does not treat Obi-Wan like his son.  Or, if he does, he’s not exactly a stellar dad about it. Within Master & Apprentice, there’s an incredibly consistent theme of how Qui-Gon thinks supportive things about Obi-Wan, but never says them aloud.  He thinks he should talk to Obi-Wan about the upcoming decision to be on the Council and then never does.  He could have explained why he kept Obi-Wan training the basics but he never does.  There are multiple instances showing that Qui-Gon is actually really, really bad at actually handling a young apprentice who needs him to talk to them about important things.  Qui-Gon continues this in From a Certain Point of View where he still never talked to Obi-Wan about everything that happened, even after he became a Force Ghost.     Damn, damn, damn. Qui-Gon closed his eyes for one moment. It blocked nothing; the wave of shock that went through Obi-Wan was so great it could be felt through the Force. Qui-Gon hadn’t thought Kirames Kaj would mention the Jedi Council invitation. It seemed possible the soon-retiring chancellor of the Republic might not even have taken much note of information about a new Council member. --Master & Apprentice     That comment finally pierced Qui-Gon’s damnable calm. There was an edge to his voice as he said, “I suspected you would be too upset to discuss this rationally. Apparently I was correct.”     “I thought you said my reaction was understandable,” Obi-Wan shot back. “So why does it disqualify me from hearing the truth?”    Qui-Gon put his hands on his broad belt, the way he did when he was beginning to withdraw into himself. “…we should discuss this at another time. Neither of us is his best self at the present.” --Master & Apprentice     Obi-Wan walked toward the door, obviously outdone. “At the beginning of my apprenticeship, I couldn’t understand you,” he said. “Unfortunately, that’s just as true here at the end.”     Only yesterday they had worked together as never before. How did Qui-Gon manage to get closer to Obi-Wan at the same time he was moving further away?     Just before Obi-Wan would leave the room, Qui-Gon said, “Once, you asked me about the basic lightsaber cadences. Why I’d kept you there, instead of training you in more advanced forms of combat.”     Obi-Wan turned reluctantly to face him again. “I suppose you thought I wasn’t ready for more. The same way I’m not ready to believe in all this mystical—”     “That’s not why.”     After a long pause, Obi-Wan calmed to the point where he would listen. “Then why, Qui-Gon?”     “Because many Padawans—and full Jedi Knights, for that matter—forget that the most basic technique is the most important technique. The purest. The most likely to protect you in battle, and the foundation of all knowledge that is to come,” Qui-Gon said. “Most apprentices want to rush ahead to styles of fighting that are flashier or more esoteric. Most Masters let them, because we must all find our preferred form eventually. But I wanted you to be grounded in your technique. I wanted you to understand the basic cadences so well that they would become instinct, so that you would be almost untouchable. Above all, I wanted to give you the training you needed to accomplish anything you set your mind to later on.”     Obi-Wan remained quiet for so long that Qui-Gon wondered if he were too angry to really hear any of what he’d said. But finally, his Padawan nodded. “Thank you, Qui-Gon. I appreciate that. But—”     “But what?”     “You could’ve said so,” Obi-Wan replied, and then he left. --Master & Apprentice     "I owe you that. After all, I’m the one who failed you.“     "Failed me?”     They have never spoken of this, not once in all Qui-Gon’s journeys into the mortal realm to commune with him. This is primarily because Qui-Gon thought his mistakes so wretched, so obvious, that Obi-Wan had wanted to spare him any discussion of it. Yet here, too, he has failed to do his Padawan justice. --From a Certain Point of View, “Master and Apprentice” (Further, in Master & Apprentice, Qui-Gon thinks that the Jedi give Rael Averross--who is HUGELY paralleled to Anakin--too many exceptions, were too soft on him because he came to the Jedi later than most and has trouble thinking of them as his family, and he thinks they should have been stricter with him.) It’s also readily apparent within The Phantom Menace itself:

You can take some charitable views of this scene, that Qui-Gon was pushed into a corner where he had few other options (and this is the view I generally take even!), but this is after the entire movie where he’s never once indicated that Obi-Wan was ready, has instead indicated that he still has much to learn (not just of the Living Force, but in general), as well as made it clear that he’s still teaching Obi-Wan, like on the Trade Federation ship. And I do think Obi-Wan got over this because he understood, because Obi-Wan actually is a very selfless person, he clearly cares (which is furthered by how we see him warm up to Anakin very quickly), but look at their faces. This was not a good moment, and they do somewhat make up, where Qui-Gon says that Obi-Wan has been a good apprentice, that he’s wiser than Qui-Gon and he’ll be a great Jedi--but if we’re counting that as Qui-Gon being this great Jedi, then you can’t say Obi-Wan failed Anakin, given that we show him doing the exact same thing, except better.  He tells Anakin, “You are strong and wise and will become a far greater Jedi than I could ever hope to be.”, echoing Qui-Gon’s words, but also he never threw Anakin aside for someone else. This is kind of a major undercurrent throughout The Clone Wars, where Obi-Wan never takes another apprentice, where he continues to teach Anakin, to support him, even to the point of occasionally co-Mastering Ahsoka with him.  “This has been quite a journey for our Padawan.” Qui-Gon’s treatment of Obi-Wan in this scene isn’t the worst, he’s kind about it later (though, he never actually specifically apologizes for this), but we can see that this is a moment where Qui-Gon hurts Obi-Wan and knows it. And you know what George Lucas has to say about Qui-Gon?  This: “So here we’re having Qui-Gon wanting to skip the early training and jump right to taking him on as his Padawan learner, which is controversial, and ultimately, the source of much of the problems that develop later on.”  –George Lucas, The Phantom Menace commentary There’s nothing about Qui-Gon being right or better than the other Jedi, but instead that Qui-Gon’s actions here are a source of much of the problems that develop later on. So, ultimately, I liked some points Dave made in that speech, it’s a beautiful and eloquent one, but I thoroughly disagree with his interpretation of George’s intentions for Qui-Gon and I thoroughly disagree that that’s what the movies, The Clone Wars (DAVE’S OWN SHOW), and the supplementary canon show about Qui-Gon and the other Jedi.  I still stand by my appreciation of Dave’s contributions to SW as a whole, I think he does a really good job at making Star Wars, but he doesn’t always get everything right and this is one thing where I think the canon and George’s commentary show otherwise, as much as I love his desire to defend the prequels’ importance in the story.  Because, my friend, I have felt that every single day of my SW life.

[mallowstep]

Since they’re feral cats, they should be dying more than they do. So, what percentage (or any form of ratio) of kits do you think should actually make it to adulthood? And how many would die as kits vs dying as apprentices?

fsdjkl let's fucking go.

(i'm going to talk about this in more detail in this answer, but i have talked about this before in the inaugural post for wbcd)

warriors but cats die

this whole thing is going to be long so...cut.

so before i get too far into this, i should say, i don't have any kind of data to back up my decisions. i based this off my memory of the first arc and bluestar's prophecy, and i have spreadsheets that walked through it. i'm not sure if i'm going to share any of those, i just want to say that i've walked through this and i know it checks out.

anyway, we're focusing on kits and apprentices here, odds that were significantly less impacted by narrative strength. (e.g., deputies get age immunity, because they're supposed to die at around 3/series, which means that how old they are and how many warriors need to die doesn't really apply to them.)

so! one thing to keep in mind is...okay, how do i put this.

in tpb, a lot of kits were born. like, a lot. there's frostfur's litter, goldenflower's two litters, speckletail's litter, brindleface's litter, ferncloud's litter, and honestly probably more?

like, basically, the nursery is, "oh hey we need to give some apprentices for plot purposes" and fireheart sticks his head in for the first time in 3 months and finds out that there are like twelve new kits yeah.

anyway, there are basically 0 kits in tnp, which makes sense, and then a metric fuckton of kits in po3, which also makes sense. seriously, i believe we have berrypaw, hazelpaw, mousepaw, cinderpaw, molepaw, poppypaw, honeypaw, lionpaw, hollypaw, and jaypaw, with foxkit and icekit being apprenticed not long after bhm's warrior ceremonies, and possibly before.

that's 12 kits within like. nine months? it's so many kits.

anyway, oots doesn't count because the allegiances are copy-pasted and poppyfrost spends like two years in the nursery or something, i don't remember anything in avos except violetshine, and tbc is. weird.

but! you can directly blame thunderclan's overpopulation on po3. because basically all of those cats live to have kits. no, seriously. poppyfrost, cinderheart, and icecloud all have litters. that's three, i know, but it's, like, a lot? when you consider that ivy and blossom also have litters later, and older cats have litters (brightheart go retire already, but i do adore ambermoon's name), and then you get grandkits (ivypool's litter, sparkpelt's kits), you get the idea.

basically, we needed to kill of a bunch of the cats in po3 and we wouldn't have so many cats now.

but back on topic, what's my point? well, in order to keep high ratios of child death, we need high number of births. trust me, the numbers i'm going to lay out stabilize around about 20 warriors, which is appropriate, i feel, for warriors. that's enough to have a good number die in a battle dramatically, but not so many you don't know who they are. and you can tweak this as you desire.

so.

we look to average four kits per season. two of those kits will become apprentices, and 1.5 of those apprentices become warriors.

or, annually, 16 kits are born, 8 are apprenticed, and 6 become warriors. i worked in numbers, not ratios, because i knew how many new cats i needed.

i knew i wanted 2 of the leaf-fall/leaf-bare kits to become warriors, and 4 of the new-leaf/green-leaf kits to become warriors, and i wanted an average of one new litter per season.

working backwards, well, you see what i have.

(as a note, that means you see 2 new warriors per season in the colder months, and 1 new warrior in the warmer months.)

anyway.

these are still just averages.

for example, lion, jay, holly, fox, and ice make up a crop of leaf-fall/leaf-bare kits. that means only two of them should become warriors.

and let's be honest, you can kill foxleap and icecloud without changing anything. they're fine. it's fine.

isn't that so much better than having them just hang around to have more kids and perpetuate the problem?

so the kits → warriors numbers are definitely from that perspective.

the kits -> apprentices and apprentices -> warriors numbers become a narrative thing.

i know i want the lf/lb litters to have less survival rates, but i've given everyone equal kithood survival chances. yes, i could tweak it, but i don't want to redo the math. i'm bad at numbers.

also! apprentice deaths have way more weight. so even though it doesn't really make sense, there you have it: more apprentices die during new-leaf/green-leaf.

but! this is a narrative tool, so you can shove the deaths in wherever works.

so yeah, those are my numbers.

like i said, i've actually like, done a bunch of calculations and stuff to make sure this works out. i think i'm going to be redoing my "who lives who dies" stuff soon, because i'm not happy with how it went the first time, so if that's something people would be interested in seeing, let me know? and i'll share it.

<3

[elareine]

I'm sad, so Jaydick angst/fluff: Dick was drugged on patrol that makes his darkest thoughts pop up (Su*c*dal thoughts, s*lf h*rm or anything) and disappears when the Batfam come in to help. Jay knows where Dick's gone and goes after him to help him through the dark episode and fluff™ happens cus their love can survive _anything_

Hey anon, I hope you feel better 💙💙 Hope you like this piece, and if you ever wanna talk (anon or not, inbox or DMs), I’m here.

(Warnings for suicidal thoughts, though there are no actions described or suggested.)

Dick is just taking down the last of his adversaries when he feels it. Something is coming on—anxiety, maybe, except less screaming than heavy, oppressive silence… 

“Drugs,” he whispers, only remembering to turn on his earpiece after. “Nightwing here. I have been compromised, possibly by a new fear gas concoction.” 

Voices begin to answer him, but Dick doesn’t hear it because the room is starting to fade away. 

All of a sudden, the memories come crashing in: Those dark days when Bruce was gone and Dick was left clutching at whatever was left of this family and failing. Being alone wherever he turned, making the wrong decisions, hurting those he loved, not saving anyone, failing failing failing—

“Nightwing. Dick.” The voice is in his earpiece is suddenly a lot more familiar—Jason must’ve taken off his helmet. Dick tries to concentrate on that. “Just wait for me, okay? Don’t—don’t do anything. I’ll stay on the line, and I’ll be there in ten, okay? Just wait.” 

He can’t speak, but he tries to make a noise, anyway. Okay. He can do that. 

“Robin and I are closest,” Bruce cuts in, and Dick shrinks back. No. No, he can’t let them see him like this. “We’ll be there in three minutes, Nightwing.” 

It takes Dick less than one to be out of the door. There’s a safehouse nearby, an old apartment no-one else knows about, and he barely makes it inside before he collapses. 

Somewhere in the back of his head, he knows that he shouldn’t be doing this. That he’s making it worse for everyone—they’ll worry about him, and then they’ll waste the night looking for Dick when they should be out helping people, and then innocents will die, and—

Maybe it would be better for everyone if Dick wasn’t here at all. 

Behind him, the door opens. Dick notices, but he’s caught on that one thought. It would be better. Better. Better without you. 

When he sees who is heading toward him, he expects that thought to be proven right. Jason told him to stay, after all, and Dick ran. He’s a disappointment. 

Jason doesn’t say anything, though. He just kneels in front of Dick and takes his hands, and they breathe. 

Jason’s hands are warm. Dick tries to concentrate on that, to pretend it helps push back the cold he can feel all around him. He fucked up. He fucked up so much. How pathetic. 

“It’s not just the drug, is it?” Jason finally asks. 

Somewhere from where their hands are linked, Dick draws the courage to shake his head. “No. It’s not.” 

Immediately, he regrets it. Jason must be disgusted. Dick hasn’t been this bad in years; their relationship would never have happened otherwise. This isn’t what Jason signed up for. No-one did. He’s always been too much. 

“Thank you.” 

When Dick finally looks up at him, Jason just looks sad. He squeezes Dick’s hands between them and whispers again: “Thank you for telling me.” 

Dick doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything. 

“They’re sure as shit not helping, though.” Jason’s voice is more matter-of-fact now. Dick latches onto it like a starving man. “B’s doing lab work, and he’ll let me know how long it’ll take to work through your system or if any of our antidotes work. Whatever happens—they won’t set foot in here. I made them promise, and you know he sticks to that.” 

Dick nods automatically. Yes. He does know. When Bruce says he’ll stay away, he stays away, no matter what. 

“Either way, I want—“ Jason’s voice wavers. “I need you to focus on getting through this night with me, okay? Just… stay. Please.” 

Dick feels hollowed out from the inside. There is a total disconnect between the love he feels from Jason and the way he knows he is a burden. That the world fundamentally would be a better place without Dick Grayson. That it would be easier. So much easier. 

Still, he leans forward, lets Jason embrace him, and it’s not hard to whisper, “I will.” 

Tomorrow, Jason will make him breakfast and watch Dick eat every bite. Tomorrow, they will talk about therapy, and bad nights, and what to tell their families. Dick will smile, and Jason will start crying, and it will feel just a little like healing. 

Dick doesn’t know any of that yet. Held like this, with Jason whispering words of love in his ear, he doesn’t have to. 

[khaleesiofalicante]

OH MY GOD! ITS HAPPENING! Its only the summary and I’m emo 😂 I should be studying for my exams, but I have tomorrow for that ;)

Ok, lets do this:

UDHWIJSHW THEY ARE SO CUTE FOR EACH OTHER I CANT-

"He preferred to hide his heart away. But he couldn’t hide David. He didn’t want to. David deserved to be seen." Like father like son. Both speeking poetry about their love ones. (and no, Idk which father I'm talking about 😂)

“I don’t think they are fake dating,” David hummed from the other end. “You don’t talk for hours every night if you are just fake dating.” (THANK YOU DAVID! SOMEONE THAT ITS NOT BLIND)

"They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”“So, by not helping them, we are technically helping them?” Bapa had asked and Max had nodded with a grin. “Shadowhunters are weird.” “True dat,” Max had laughed. They were all weirdos. But Max loved them anyway. He loved his weird shadowhunters. (The domesticity lf this is killing me in a good way🥺)

“Will you on a date with me? Tomorrow?” Max asked then – because why the hell not. (Hell yeah Max. Go big or go home babe😎)

“This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.” In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that. (I'm already feeling his chaotic ass will do something like Magnus did, but lets keep hope)

"Maybe Lexi and Liv would probably enjoy a date – a fake date - in the arcade." Could I be more in love with both of them?? Is that physically possible?? 💙

Elyaas giving Max dating advice!! Lmaooo 😂😂

"His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice. But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages."  YOU LIL SHIT. YOU ARE NOT WRONG THO...

FUCK. An attack??

You lil shit Max.

Yep, Rafael has to deal with it everyday 😂

OOMG YESS. THE ALIANCE RUNE!!

"So, when he got tired, he would simply fix the problem by eating. It was a win-win to be honest." I feel like I should say something, but tbh it makes sense

Ok, this fight is intense

Wait. Anjali is there???  What?

Oh ok, it wasn’t

“Say the thing!”Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.” I'm dead 😂

THAT SCENE WAS EVERYTHING. LOVE THOSE TWO

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out. “Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.” “Asshole,” Max laughed and punched his brother.

“Text dad we are okay,” Rafael said, slowly recovering. “They will worry.”Max nodded and did that. (This just summ up sibling relationships so well *chef kiss*)

“It can be hard, Max. Bapak and dad…Sometimes I look at them and feel like I will never have what they have.” YUP. THEY HAVE SIBLINGS DYNAMIC. ALSO RAFAEL IS JUST 🥺🥺🥺

David got wounded???

Oh ok. False alarm.

Rafael sat down next to him and put Bapak’s head on his lap, gently massaging it.

“Are you okay?” dad knelt down next to his husband. “Just a little tired,” Bapak replied.A little tired. Max knew Bapak was fucking exhausted."  "Bapak never showed it. He never complained. Max wondered what else he hid away from everyone else." “Okay,” dad whispered and kissed his husband on the head. “Get some rest, my love.” Bapak nodded and closed his eyes as Rafael hummed something softly. (Well, now I'm crying 😭😭)

" His niece found an herbal medication that helps with the pain.” ANJALI!! I LOVE HER💙💙

"Dad finally smiled and went out to the balcony, phone in hand. He seemed to hang out in the balcony a lot lately" No no no. I dont like this. Babe find a better copying mechanism!!

"Bapak smiled then. A brilliant grin. The one dad probably fell in love with." jsyeihdiej I cant🥺💙

"Bapak sniffed when dad sat down next to him and gave him an odd look. But he didn’t say anything." Magnus tell him something. I dont like where this is going😭

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked. “Do not drag me into this!” Bapak protested and dad laughed at that" Ahh yess. Typical family discussions 😂

"David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!” (😂😂 I HONESTLY LAUGHED WAY TO HARD!!)

“Well, no! I don’t want drama. But I want you to be dramatic so I can tell you not to be dramatic!” I would like to say WHAT? but I honestly get it 😂

“Also, we all know you had an embarrassing crush on Uncle Jace growing up,” Rafael snickered. “And you definitely still have a crush on Uncle Jem.” Oh god 😂😂 but I mean... Who doesn't have a crush on Jem?

“Oh yeah?” Max demanded. “Well then let me explain your type. You are probably going to fall for someone who is like a combination of Aunt Izzy and Aunt Lily! Some femme fatale type who is a heartbreaker and looks like a supermodel and-” Boy got it right huh? 😂

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?” “There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!” lmaooo 😂😂

"And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life." I. I have no words

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.” “Not happening,” dad said into his coffee, and Max groaned before walking back into his room. (THAT FAMILY 😂😂)

" I tried to hurt your father once.” OH no, the angst is coming

" He didn’t know about this. He knew about their story. Everyone did. The accords hall kiss. The fight in Edom. The changing of the law. Their love was legendary. Not this!" THIS IS BRINGING BACK SO MANY FLASHBACKS

“All I know is that I was terrified. I love your father. I love Magnus more than anything in the world. And I didn’t want to lose him. And I didn’t know what to do.” 😭😭 NOT AGAIN!!

"When you love someone so much, sometimes you do crazy things.” THIS

" Love had made a fool out of them. Love had made them blind." Yup. tsc: a summary

"When you love someone, you have to be honest with them" And THAT is character development!!

"They called it The Jem effect." I'm using this from now on 😂💙💙

"Uncle Jem was wearing a tank top and and ripped jeans." So its time for SIMP over Jem Carstairs? Okey then.

"In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual." Same here 😂

“MINA! I SWEAR TO LILITH I AM GOING TO GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!” OH MY GOD I LOVE MINA!!

“In my defense, I was busy!!” “Oooo, someone has been getting busy!” Mina WINKED. (You lil shit! I love her 💙)

He didn’t know he could blush!!!

" They had gone to hell and back for Roman. It wouldn’t have been possible if not for Catarina. She was, and always has been, a miracle worker." Again, I love my queen💙💙

“I believe in Mavid supremacy.” ME TOO

"There is something so queer about Ferris wheels!" Someone needed to say this

"They had their own space in the spiral fucking labyrinth. These fucking legends." I BELIEVE IN WARLOCK TEAM SUPREMACY

"But Ragnor had always had a soft spot for Rafael." 🥺🥺

I love my warlock squad so much I cant-

Ragnor is so done😂

“I don’t want to lose him,” Max said it out loud for the first time. “But you will, Max,” Catarina said gently. “Everyone loses people they love. Every day. It’s how life works.” (its to early to be crying)

“Yes, we do,” Ragnor replied. “But it also means we fall in love over and over. Century after century. It’s our blessing.” (these warlocks are just to perfect)

“And that love is going to last for a lifetime,” Tessa said softly. “Can you imagine that? Someone loving you for centuries. Someone remembering you for eternity. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?” 🥺🥺

David deserved to be loved like that – endlessly and impossibly. (OK BUT THE PARALLEL)

Tessa should definetly write a guidebook

“Je t’aime à la folie,” Max said.David’s eyes widened. “Vraiment?“ "Je t’aime. Je t’aime de toute mon âme. Je t’aime pour toujours.” ( I literally screamed and woke up my sister, I just love them so much!!!)

"David smiled. The smile Max fell in love with" 🥺🥺

“I know I am not your forever and I am okay with that.” Max bit his lip. “Okay.” “But you are mine,” David said. “You know that, right?” (ksidjdldk its just all this was beautiful!)

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do." (Me as I should be studying 😂)

" And you were just scared. You were just a kid." “I just…I just realized you might not have had that when you were growing up – that there might not have been people you could talk to about these things.” THAT!! LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!

"Max pulled him closer and kissed him again. Every kiss a promise. A promise to love. A promise to fight. A promise to survive" I would die for this two

OMG he took him to the Celestial Palace!! Thats so perfect and 🥺🥺

“Oh mon dieu! Ceci est incroyable! Il y a tellement de livres! Oh mon dieu! Je l'aime tellement!”💙💙 Idk how you manage to make me love David even more

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.” David blinked. “You’re joking, right?” “Of course,” Max grinned. His father had actually said that but there was no need to scary poor David any further. (😂😂 Imagine having the Consul as father-in-law, poor David)

“Yeah, not good with words my ass,” Exactly!! They say they are not good with words and procede to recite poetry of their love one??!!

Ughh I love this chapter so much and I loved how they deal with the inmortality thing! I just love when people comunicate and talk to each other! THATS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP! And how they didn't repeat Alec and Magnus mistake. I just love it! *chef kiss*

Anyway, this was really long and it took to open notes to fullfill, so i'll just leave💙💙

Bro I just felt like I read the whole chapter again and I am feels. I AM FEELS SEND HELP. Not me catching feels over my own shit lmaooooo.

Thank you so much. I have some work to do and I was like meh and now I have some energy to do it lol. I hope you spend tomorrow studying! You better!! Good luck!

ps - I love you notice the parallels and references. It makes me lil heart go boop!

also why do I feel like y'all are eternally doing exams????

[janiedean]

i find it funny that all the arguments against sansan or sanrion is about the age gap being problematic and then people ship her with jaime who's OLDER THAN TYRION and i think also older than sandor OR they'll ship her with jon who she grew up considering a brother and is actually a cousin making it incestuous. oh and when the books start theon is like 18-19 years old while sansa is like 11 i think? but yes, tell me more about why your sansa ships are superior to sansan or sanrion LOL. oh also let's not forget the ~pure~ ship of sansaery where margaery basically pretends to be friends with sansa and acts nice for her own advantage which is easy to do since she's lonely in king's landing but drops her th emoment it gets convenient, not to mention pretty much framing her from joff's murder which like sure, sansa escaped cuz LF had it planned but if not she would've been killed then :) a very healthy dynamic indeed. they really don't want to admit that they only care to ship sansa with canonically hot guys and their real problem with sansan and sanrion is both sandor and tyrion are supposed to be ugly and physically quite the opposite of the prince charming she's looking for (but they are more prince-like in character) and ignore that her whole arc is learning to look beyond appearances and names and superficial stories.

I mean other than confirming you that jaime's older than sandor bc jaime has seven years on tyrion who's three-four years younger than sandor and sandor's like 29 in agot... he's older than both of them and I'd like to add willas tyrell to the list of people that are seen as better options.... and he's also older than both sandor and tyrion, I... can't disagree with anything here because like we don't even wanna touch my beef with sans*ery but it's for the same reasons as you said and at the end of it I also can't disagree with the last paragraph because that's... like... the point of the narrative like sansa is obv ending up with someone who doesn't look hot for standards but is actually good on the inside which both of them fit the standard for, and again while I think sandor's it for obv reasons if sanrion was endgame I wouldn't be complaining (ngl I was hoping lowkey for them to get the show bc it was obvious sansan wasn't gonna be a show thing so might as well have a 50/50 split even though I guess having the show wouldn't have been that great in retrospective BUT ANYWAY) yeah what you said about the whole arc and again like... sansa/jaime is top five most hated ships for me too bc it's doubly ignoring that sansa and jaime have LI that aren't standard attractive so I'm not even touching that but yeah like

sorry but when it comes to problematic ships again there is literally nothing in asoiaf that's not somehow problematic - again the most wholesome thing in there is sam/gilly and I reiterate gilly has a baby because her father raped her and her own mother was the same so................. like no one has any leg to stand on when it comes to MY SHIP IS WHOLESOME bc no ship in here is 100% wholesome or has characters who are themselves 100% wholesome so the fixation about how these two ships are specifically bad is suspicious like really really sus

also I'd like again to point out for the umpteenth time that while there are things that I really don't vibe with (and in this fandom esp I can't do incest ships) I don't go around judging ppl for being into unhealthy dynamics or being like EW IT'S INCEST BAD because honestly I have better to do with my life, but my problem is people going like AH MY SHIP IS MORALLY BETTER THAN YOURS when it's a badwrong/ish dynamic and trying to sanitize it - like own up to it no one is gonna judge in this damned fandom and if they do good luck being coherent and don't go at other people like 'ah yeah mine is better than yours because it's so much more wholesome' X°D

also like... again there's limits and limits - I can absolutely get why someone would not like sansan or sanrion because they do have problematic elements like if someone reads blackwater and feels uncomfortable ofc I'm not gonna tell them WELL YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT IT, if they blacklist sansan and they don't come at me telling me I'm a pervert then all good? but like to do the comparison I can't get over how in the show sansa told theon she'd do to him what ramsay did all over again after he didn't help her when she didn't even tell him WELL WE SHOULD RUN AWAY TOGETHER just help me run away because for me that is like... I can't ship it when the show narrative never asked sansa to be accountable, I won't ever go to a the*nsa shipper telling them EW HOW CAN YOU LIKE IT WHEN THAT IS A THING because... the way I can like sansan with its problematic elements or secondarily like sanrion with its problematic elements (nvm that the superior tyrion ship is tyrion/bronn anyway) they can like th*onsa with its problematic elements? but just don't go around harping at ppl because everyone has their limit to something and it can be glaringly obvious or not (I mean if I tell you that th*ramsay isnt my cup of tea anyone could understand why seeing the background, or idk for me brienne/hyle hunt is a way bigger nope than brienne/tormund ever could have been but a lot of ppl in jb fandom feel the contrary which is absolutely fine again I can't stand the idea of b. with someone who bet on taking her virginity because of personal reasons even if he realized he was wrong but for others the way they wrote brienne/tormund in the show was uncomfortable to that degree and so on) and as long as you behave like an adult... then who cares what you ship

meanwhile instead there's the... fixation on those two esp within the context you mentioned and honestly I'm kinda tired of the 'gross old dudes' rhetoric thrown at them when neither of them is old or gross and they both are abuse victims with trauma never mind the ableism in spades (that one more glaringly at tyrion for obvious reasons and on tumblr I wish it wasn't like......... 80% of the general fandom but people dismissing sandor's shitty coping methods as HE'S A VIOLENT DRUNK when like..... he's the only one who's actually not violent with her sansa and he has thirty years' worth of ptsd on him are also a peach) like... can you please realize the implications of what you're saying please and thank you

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Would love to hear about your beefs with Lucas because I have beefs with Lucas

(Sorry it took me three thousand years to answer this, anon.)

They mainly fall under a few headings, with the third being the most serious and the thing that I am genuinely irl furious about at least biannually (and feeling unable to adequately sum up The Problem with it after yelling about it so often is a huge part of why this post has been in my drafts for such a long time):

1. His self-mythologising and the subsequent uncritical repetition of his bullshit in the fandom. Obvious lies like that he had some master plan for 10 films when it’s clear he did not have anything like a plot outline at any point. We all know the thing was written at the seat of various people’s pants, it’s blatantly self-evident that’s the case. There’s also plenty of public record about how the OT was written. Even dumber, more obvious lies, like that Anakin was ‘always the protagonist’ and the entire 6 films were his story from the beginning. This is preposterous and every time someone brings it up (usually with palpable smugness) as fanboys ‘not understanding star wars’ because they don't get that ‘the OT is not Luke's story’... Yeah, I just... I cannot.

Vader wasn’t Anakin Skywalker until ESB, it’s a retcon. It’s a brilliant retcon and it works perfectly, it elevated SW into something timeless and special it otherwise would not have been, but you can tell it wasn’t the original plan and there’s proof it wasn’t the original plan. Let’s not pretend. And Luke is the protagonist. No amount of waffling about such esoteric flights of theory as ‘ring structure’ is going to get away from the rigidly orthodox narrative and the indisputable fact that it is Luke’s hero’s journey. Vader’s redemption isn’t about his character development (he has almost none) and has no basis in any kind of convincing psychological reality for his character, but it doesn’t need to be because it’s part of Luke’s arc, because Vader is entirely a foil in Luke’s story. It’s a coming-of-age myth about confronting and growing beyond the father.

All attempts to de-centre Luke in RotJ just break the OT’s narrative logic. It’s a character-driven story and the character driving is Luke. Trying to read it as Anakin’s victory, the moral culmination of his choices rather than Luke’s and putting all the agency into Anakin’s hands just destroys the trilogy’s coherence and ignores most of its content in favour of appropriating a handful of scenes into an arc existing only in the prequels. The dilemma of RotJ is how Luke will define ethical adulthood after learning and growing through two previous films worth of challenge, education, failure, and triumph; it’s his choice to love his father and throw down his sword which answers the question the entire story has been asking. Vader’s redemption and the restoration of the galaxy are the consequences of that choice which tell us what kind of world we’re in, but the major dramatic conflict was resolved by Luke’s decision not the response to it.

And, just all over, the idea of Lucas as an infallible auteur is inaccurate and annoying to me. Obviously he’s a tremendous creative force and we wouldn’t have sw without him, but he didn’t create it alone or out of whole cloth. The OT was a very collaborative effort and that’s why it’s what it is and the prequels are what they are. Speaking of which.

2. The hubris of the prequels in general and all the damage their many terrible, protected-from-editors choices do to the symbolic fabric of the sw universe. Midicholrians, Yoda fighting with a lightsabre, Obi-wan as Anakin's surrogate father instead of his peer, incoherent and unmotivated character arcs, the laundry list of serious and meaningful continuity errors, the bad storytelling, the bad direction, the bad characterisation, the shallowness of the parallels which undermine the OT’s imagery, the very clumsy and contradictory way the A/P romance was handled, the weird attitude to romance in general, it goeth on. I don’t want to re-litigate the entire PT here and I’m not going to, but they are both bad as films and bad as prequels. The main idea of them, to add Anakin’s pov and create an actual arc for him as well as to flesh out the themes of compassion and redemption, was totally appropriate. The concept works as a narrative unit, there are lots of powerful thematic elements they introduce, they have a lot of cool building blocks, it’s only in execution and detail that they do a bunch of irreparable harm.

But the constant refrain that only ageing fanboys don’t like them and they only don’t like them because of their themes or because they humanise Anakin... can we not. The shoddy film making in the prequels is an objective fact. If you want to overlook the bad parts for the good or prioritise ideas over technique, that’s fine, but don’t sit here and tell me they’re masterworks of cinema there can be no valid reason to criticise. I was the exact right age for them when I saw them, I am fully on board with the fairy tale nature of sw, I am fully on board with humanising Anakin- the prequels just have a lot of very big problems with a) their scripts and b) their direction, especially of dialogue scenes. If Lucas had acknowledged his limitations like he did back in the day instead of believing his own press, he could have again had the help he obviously needed instead of embarrassing himself.

3. Killing and suppressing the original original trilogy. I consider the fact that the actual original films are not currently available in any form, have never been available in an archival format, and have not been presented in acceptable quality since the VHS release a very troubling case study in the problems of corporate-owned art. LF seizing prints of the films whenever they are shown, destroying the in-camera negatives to make the special editions with no plans to restore them, and doing all in the company’s considerable power to suppress the original versions is something I consider an act of cultural vandalism. The OT defined a whole generation of Hollywood. It had a global impact on popular entertainment. ANH is considered so historically significant it was one of the first films added to the US Library of Congress (Lucas refused to provide even them with a print of the theatrical release, so they made their own viewable scan from the 70s copyright submission).

The fact that the films which made that impact cannot be legally accessed by the public is offensive to me. The fact that Lucas has seen fit to dub over or composite out entire performances (deleting certain actors from the films), to dramatically alter the composition of shots chosen by the original directors, to radically change the entire stylistic tone by completely reinventing the films’ colour timing in attempt to make them match the plasticy palate of the prequels, to shoot new scenes for movies he DID NOT DIRECT, add entire sequences or re-edit existing sequences to the point of being unrecognisable etc. etc. is NOT OKAY WITH ME when he insists that his versions be the ONLY ones available.

I’m okay with the Special Editions existing, though I think they’re mostly... not good... but I’m not okay with them replacing the original films. And all people can say is ‘well, they’re his movies’.

Lucas may have clear legal ownership in the capitalistic sense, but in no way does he have clear artistic ownership. Forget the fans, I’m not one of those people who argue the fans are owed something: A film is always a collaborative exercise and almost never can it be said that the end product is the ultimate responsibility and possession of one person. Even the auteur directors aren't the sole creative vision, even a triple threat like Orson Welles still had cinematographers and production designers, etc. Hundreds of artists work on films. Neither a writer nor a director (nor one person who is both) is The Artist behind a film the way a novelist is The Artist behind a novel. And Lucas did NOT write the screenplays for or direct ESB or RotJ. So in what sense does he have a moral right to alter those films from what the people primarily involved in making them deemed the final product? In what sense would he have the right to make a years-later revision the ONLY version even if he WERE the director?

Then you get into the issue of the immeasurable cultural impact those films had in their original form and the imperative to preserve something that is defining to the history of film and the state of the zeitgeist. I don't think there is any ‘fan entitlement’ involved in saying the originals belonged to the world after being part of its consciousness for decades and it is doing violence to the artistic record to try to erase the films which actually occupied that space. It's exactly like trying to replace every copy of It's a Wonderful Life with a colourised version (well, it's worse but still), and that was something Lucas himself railed against. It’s like if Michaelangelo were miraculously resuscitated and he decided to repaint the Sistine Ceiling to add a gunfight and change his style to something contemporary.

I get genuinely very upset at the cold reality that generations of people are watching sw for the first time and it’s the fucking SE-except-worse they’re seeing. And as fewer people keep physical media and the US corporate oligarchy continues to perform censorship and rewrite history on its streaming services unchecked by any kind of public welfare concerns, you’ll see more and more ‘real Mandela effect’ type shit where the cultural record has suddenly ‘always’ been in line with whatever they want it to be just now. And US media continues to infect us all with its insidious ubiquity. I think misrepresenting and censoring the past is an objectively bad thing and we can’t learn from things we pretend never happened, but apparently not many people are worried about handing the keys to our collective experience to Disney and Amazon.

4. The ‘Jedi don’t marry’ thing and how he wanted this to continue with Luke post-RotJ, so it’s obviously not meant to be part of what was wrong with the order in the prequels. I find this... incoherent on a storytelling level. The moral of the anidala story then indeed becomes just plain ‘romantic love is bad and will make you crazy’, rather than the charitable reading of the prequels which I ascribe to, which is that the problem isn’t Anakin’s love for Padmé, it’s that he ceased to love her and began to covet her. And I can’t help but feel this attitude is maybe an expression of GL’s issues with women following his divorce. I don’t remember if there’s evidence to contradict that take, since it’s been some time since I read about this but yeah. ANH absolutely does sow seeds for possible Luke/Leia development and GL was still married while working on that film. Subsequently he was dead set against Luke ever having a relationship and decided Jedi could not marry. Coincidence?

There’s a lot of blinking red ‘issues with women’ warning signs all over Lucas’s work, but the prequels are really... egregious.