#i have a lot of fears about things ending ive realised

[thesherrinfordfacility]

hii! you've probably talked about this before, sorry if i missed it, but i've seen a lot of people talking about that last shot of aziraphale smiling in the elevator and used it to support the idea that there MUST be something else going on about the whole bussiness that we haven't seen. i just want to say, that even though i'm not closed to the possibility of a different explanation, i think his expression that makes sense with just what we've seen.

we, as an audience, know about the second coming. aziraphale, up until that moment, does not. he accepted the position because he was given the opportunity to make the change he has always wanted to do. pressured or not, threatened or not, his decision makes sense with his character. he risked it all to change the curse of events heaven had planned in s1 being just a principality. now not only has he the will to change but also the power.

so when the metatron tells him that he will be in charge of the second coming bussiness, of course he's "happy". he knows what the second coming is about, and he has just accepted a position that will guarantee him direct access to all the information and enough power to make decisions.

hey anon!!!✨ oh no i definitely agree with you!!!

ive always felt rather... contemptuous? of any external factor in the FF that would influence aziraphale's behaviour (e.g, at the extreme end, the coffee theory), because ive largely seen aziraphale's decision to return to heaven as a very in-character one to make, and one that doesn't remove aziraphale's agency etc.

ive flitted on the edge of whether or not i think aziraphale is being threatened, and/or whether he feels threatened (as two very separate things), but as you said - the choice to return to heaven feels very neatly the culmination of his character traits and development that we saw throughout both seasons. aziraphale doesn't run from things, he's tenacious until the last possible moment to change the status quo, and he certainly doesnt back down from a fight when it's unavoidable. add to that the 'new' context that he and crowley have now basically acknowledged to each other that they want to be together, and the drive to change the only thing that could stand in their way is doubled.

i think what i wanted to entertain in that rb is how aziraphale might have been coming into the conversation with crowley if he was indeed under threat; hypothesis being that if he was lying, as the comparison with ep2 indicates, why would he have been lying? and why would he lie to crowley so profusely with his back against the wall? the (not unique) conclusion i arrived at is that not only was crowley in danger in that scenario, but aziraphale knows that he is in danger too, but can't admit out loud for fear of worse repercussions should metatron catch wind that aziraphale knows. he needs to play into being underestimated in order to survive.

as for his smile in the lift, im similarly torn, but it does seem to me that at the very least, aziraphale is coming up with a Plan. when he first gets in it, that absolutely looks like fear - 'oh shit im really on my own, and they want me to head up the second coming and essentially the actual end of Everything. i don't have crowley with me this time; what the fuck do i do'.

we then see throughout the credits expressions that indicate that aziraphale is running through about 800 scenarios, lightning-speed, in his head on what he can possibly do. it's then this part that gets me - aziraphale has been pretty static physically until now, when his eyes start to dart around. that to me is the moment where he realises, or comes up with, something, a revelation of sorts, or just makes a plan, and the following moments leading up to the Smile are, 'would that work? is that possible?... yeah... yeah, it's possible, it could work.'

[reuna]

ive been wracking my brain over something. knowing full well Israel is responsible for genocide. knowing full well its system is an apartheid. knowing full well the reasons that have justified both the 1940s English zionist occupation, the First Intifada and so on. knowing full well if Israel were to end, its problems would stop existing.

Why do I still feel bad by accepting violent protest and defense against a physical risk of violence and of ethnic cleansing as a legitimate mean of changing things? why does part of me, alongside "polite society", still dare criticise Palestinians that chose to side with paramiritary political parties and organizations to protect themselves from harm? why do I still entertain the possibility that everything would have been "fine" had not Hamas attacked or something, as if a peace built on injustice was still a peace and not a strongly enforced status quo, where people would technically still be dying under, as Gaza was reduced to an actual concentration camp ever since?

i have made my choice by standing with Palestine against what's essentially a criminal post-colonial organization disguised as a legitimate government. but even then. how would we work after the dissolution of Israel. how would we integrate

Wow, hi. I honestly didn't remember I enabled asks at some point, this is the first one ever. Thank you. I dunno if I'm able to give a good answer tho, I'm just one person who's following this from afar, feeling powerless. I am in no way an authority on any of this, I am not Palestinian, and I strongly recommend following Palestinian users here on tumblr for an insight from people who are directly affected by this.

But I have been thinking about the thought processes you describe, and the many people who seem to really believe, that if Hamas hadn't attacked on October 7., everything would be fine. And I think a lot of it (for the non-zionists who aren't reveling in the slaughter israel is doing) has to do with just... the fear of change.

The status quo is what we know. It might be horrible and deadly, but it's familiar. There's a sense of safety in knowing how things are, and I think it's a very human impulse to just resist change. After all, for all you know the change could make everything worse. And I think the fear of change is more powerful the more privilege we have. People who aren't in the oppressed group rarely even see the oppression others are dealing with every day, and bringing it out and talking about it, feels like "rocking the boat". Everything was just okay before, wasn't it? Why make such a big deal of it? I personally don't suffer, so let it go.

On the topic of Palestine, however, I think there is also the fact that before October, people had lulled themselves into an illusion of stability. Something like "the Palestinians have accepted their fate and so, we should let it go" (and this was never the case, mind you, israel and its allies have just been very efficient in keeping things from us). This is of course exactly what israel wants: That the Palestinians just accept their fate under israeli oppression and stop resisting. And that's why the attack was such a shock for them. Realising that no, the people they had oppressed and tortured and raped and kidnapped and stolen from still didn't just submit to them. They dare resist and remind the people in the West that they still exist, they haven't been beaten into submission.

And this is, of course, what it will always be like, until the oppression stops.

I, personally, feel like the only really proper solution would be one Palestinian state, in which Palestinians and (former) Israelis would live on equal terms. I also believe this is entirely possible, based on the things I've read and heard about the time before the zionist project, and the experiences of people in, for example, South Africa, where the white people believed they would be attacked if apartheid was abolished... and they weren't. And before anyone who reads this tells me I'm talking Hamas propaganda or some shit like that: No, these thoughts come from Ilan Pappe (israeli), several Palestinians themselves, anti-zionist israelis and Jews across the world, and historical records.

I sincerely do believe liberty and equality are possible and worth fighting for. It is painful, for all parts involved, in different ways, but it's the only way to go if we want real safety. I think this is true for every society here on earth.

[tadpal]

if you were a mermaid... what kind of tail would you have?? (species, colour, vibe, etc)

this is such a contentious question for girls who grew up on a beach so i do have several answers prepared bc obviously it was needed at the time ESPECIALLY since 2000s mermaid trend was ON TREND anyway

all that to say when i was a kid i would pretend to be a dolphin girl. yeah fr. i had several glass figures and when i was learning to surf i got a board with a dolphin on but this was all a ruse to impress the girls in my surf class. although i have seen dolphins often in the cove and off the rocky beach and i did and do think they're incredible honestly i preferred to watch for blue whales and thought dolphin mermaids weren't very cool. dolphins are cool companions for mermaids but i was kind of a mermaid purist: mermaids should be fish with obvious scales. but for the dolphin girls all the boys in their games would be sharks and i hated sharks as i was deadly afraid of tiger sharks which in fairness, did swim up the river to breed every year and attacks did happen but. yeah i thought the shark boys were also lame. so when trying to fit in with this lot i made the decision to be an orca mermaid who had lost its pod and was trying to live with the dolphins. the dolphin girls hated this until they realised that they could do a storyline in which i never move past my evil orca hunger and end up killing and eating several girls in a bloodlust that would then fade and i weep over their bodies. in real life this looked like a game of tag with biting and theatrics.

so that was probably my first mermaidsona and it was definitely a poser moment for however it was not the only poser sona i had. outside of my swim+surf classes i had friends who were also mermaid girls but who weren't sporty or into The Ocean like the dolphin girls tended to be. they thought the dolphin girls were weird and wanted to be Mermaids like you would see in Barbie mermaidtopia, but with them, the personas tended to be less in depth. my tail was aquamarine or blue, with white fins, and i can swim really fast and crest the waves without being easily seen. i was not usually a royal but sometimes i was a middle sister if we were all princesses. often i was was the boy or prince merman. my best friends were a school of flying fish and a sperm whale. i was really good at hiding (bc of the wave thing) and my romance plot was often the princess noticing the weird hiding prince when no one else would and i show them all the magic of the seas etc. if we were playing mermaids who were are landpeople, my land job would be guy who cleans/owns an oceanfront hotel/bnb and sneaks out to water at night when hes not working. while this was More Me than the dolphin girl persona, it didnt really feel like me either, i disliked the vagueness and how none of them cared about the ocean only using it as a setting with no curiosity for it. (alas ive always been a bit of a snob)

my TRUE MERMAID SELF was this: yellowfin tuna

idk why i just felt a lot of kinship with them. at the time i was so scared of sharks and seals and everything really. just a very fearful child and i remember really longing for that school (of fish) mentality of just moving as one and that keeping them safe. i also knew that i had to be a migratory species bc we moved so constantly and i needed a fish that never really had a home. the yellowfins would come yearly to the coast i lived on and that was important to me. mostly i felt like they had a desperation to the way they move I remember seeing one in the bottom of a boat and it just fighting for its life choking to death and thinking oh hell yeah me too brother. i loved their reputation for tourists coming to fish them and then snapping their shitty lines. I loved their sleek cool bodies and their sick long fins (cooler and longer than all the other tuna). i liked that they were fast as hell and Big. i liked how they tasted fresh! i was so convinced that i was Destined to be a tuna mermaid but god. that was so lame to both my groups of mermaid friends. i drew it once i think and petitioned my Barbie Mermaid friends to be a flying fish mermaid, which was the better design i think but had less soul... ack well. being a kid a weird

[fairycosmos]

i wanna come out to my parents to bad but every time im close i chicken out and start shaking really heavily because its so nerve wrecking :/ i know they’d have a problem with it and its so fucked because ever since i lost my sister i feel like i HAVE to make them proud, i mean they’ve already lost one kid, you know? i cant make them feel like they’ve lost another one. this is super forward so if you don’t want to answer please don’t, but is that something you struggle with? like, not wanting to let them down now that they’ve experienced the worst thing that can happen to a parent? anyway, sorry to bother you. i didn’t know who else might understand. hope your night is going better than mine lol!!!

god it's almost bizarre how i could've written this word for word im so serious 😭 like. you might be me for real we should uhhh check or something we might be living parallel lives. i totally understand everything you're feeling, from the coming out dilemma to the grief and everything in between. however, lately ive been viewing the idea of "coming out" through a more critical lens, and i think it's a bizarre expectation to put onto yourself and others, outdated almost - ESP if it is going to put you in emotional or physical danger. you don't owe your parents an explanation for like, being who you are. no one is entitled to access to your personal thoughts, feelings and relationships like that. you're not lying, that's a completely toxic idea. i know it's more complex than that, and i know it's constricting, like you're suffocating some days even. there is a lot of nuance, and it's absolutely not fair that you can't be open about it without fear. but if you're not ready to tell them, you're not ready to tell them. this is your life. that's a perfectly understandable reaction when they've made you feel unsafe regarding the topic in some way. and im exactly the same, w the loss of my sister it's like - everything is on me. i feel like i can't breathe and any move i make is wrong, i feel like the older i get and the more they realise i really am not gonna follow the traditional path, the more they resent me. if not outwardly, then inwardly. im not gonna have kids or marriage or a fancy career, i am not a viable vessel for their projections. it's true, they've already been through a fucking nightmare and so often i dream about giving them a picture perfect life from here on out, despite how i personally feel about anything, ive come close to it many times. i still might end up doing that, because im so loat and hurt. but i just fucking know deep down it's not sustainable. it's a fantasy, and i know my sister would hate to think im killing myself like that just to keep up pretenses. that being said, it's all so much easier said than done. im not saying you have to come out and cut everyone off and live your life completely authentically without fear or pain. im just saying like......despite the fucking endless mourning and the trauma our parents have been through........i don't think the solution to that is living our lives purely on their conditions either. we're not our siblings, and we never will be. we'll never fill that void, no matter what we do. im so sorry you're going through this, and thank you so much for the well wishes ❤️ i feel really seen by your message and i want you to know you can say hi whenever you need a friend. sending you so much love and healing, i know it's unbearable. X

[snow-and-saltea]

been thinking about some stuff. kinda have a direction of where i want to go, at least in terms of what i want to be able to do. i have a lot of things i want to do but i think it focuses to a point in singularity which is wanting to be resilient and being capable of solving problems. not others, but my own.

some stuff that's been on my mind:

+ being able to be Adult enough that i can help parent my nephew (he's extremely spoiled and my parents - his grandparents - don't know how to handle him other than placating him; they're also very tired and don't have much patience so they want him to stop tantrums immediately which means giving into what he wants)

+ manage anxiety attacks / spikes (get more useful coping skills) as an aside, i feel like its not that my feelings are the issue but the thoughts that come when the feelings arise are so chaotic and vaguely threateningly overwhelming that i cant make a sound judgement solely through my instincts or intuition anymore (when normally thats how i make decisions, and i have a lot of trust in myself when i do so. but i see that its not a useful mode of operation to have all the time)

+ get a sustainable income so i can make my own health decisions without guilt / fear and to pursue hobbies

+ rekindle my passion for writing and creating things. which i actually have been spending a lot of time doing because ive been listening to a lot of videos about d20 seasons and seeing so many cool people make cool stories and characters really inspired me a lot

+ overall i just want to be able to be hopeful without feeling like im just lying to myself. that is, i suppose, what coping is? or at least that's how i cope. lotsa lying to myself that its okay (while thinking that it won't) and everything is fine (while believing its not actually fine). i also rely a lot on hard stances to solidify my thoughts into a straight orderly line, which ends up becoming black and white thinking. and it narrows my vision a lot of the perspective of what is viable possibility that can be good / productive / useful and what am i "buying into" that i hazardously undermine the negative aspects of.

+ i guess i just want to slowly figure out who i am. i think i was in a rush to figure things out that made me cast a wide net of all variables and perspectives that shaped my experience and then putting a magnifying glass under each individual factor, but it made me lose the forest for the trees and it paralysed me because if i look too closely into things, ill realise the weight of it and its not something im equipped to handle right now atm. i think its just something i have to bookmark but not put away, like its something to come back to when im able. i dont have to figure it all out right now, especially when im not able to put things into the right contexts and perspectives yet

+ i want to have more energy for things i like. i left off a lot of things because i didnt have the energy for it bc i was so Afraid of not having enough energy to escape out of bad situations. but i think ill just have to try and trust my body that if im in true danger ill be able to handle it when the time comes.

sits down. thats all i have at the moment

[butchviking]

what was stopping you before you made the decision to get top surgery?

hmm a lot of things. there's just so much to go over. surgery is obviously scary, the thought of the post-op care grosses the hell out of me, big change is scary too, what if i have bad outcomes (lifelong nerve pain is a huge concern), what if the entire urge magically blows over in a couple of years, what if my body feels alien to me what if i don't like the results what if i regret it and i can never go back. what if what if what if. and some of those things there's no solution to, no way to know and no way to prevent. so ultimately i just had to say "yeah, but what if im happy? what if it all works out?"

i was going 2 leave that answer there tbh but. nah u know what. u know one thing that im not sure if ive ever discussed on here cause its like actually my biggest most pathetic fear abt it all lol and has probably held me back more than even worrying about pain and death. what if women don't like me? what if lesbians aren't into me? ive seen the way some women talk abt trans/detrans bodies. with the 'mutilated' and all. and my gender-critical views mean most of the kind of pro-trans/t4t ppl who would b into someone who's had top surgery aren't exactly an option dating-wise. literally what if im alone forever. that's been one of the biggest things that's held me back n thats. very sad. but eventually i had to just say... we all talk abt the idea of stuff like makeup and uncomfortable clothing and cosmetic surgery being 'for yourself' and how ultimately it never really is bc its still something that was put into u by society. and definitely this is something that was put into me by society. but at a certain point i realised that living in a way i didn't want to & holding myself back bc i didn't want to be unattractive to other lesbians.. how is that any better? how's that better than someone wearing makeup and heels to be attractive to men? how is punishing yourself bc you're scared of being alone ever a good thing?

and anyway, times are changing. having a flat chest and scars doesn't always have to be the end of the world, sex/romance-wise. ofc in some circles its completely fine & accepted, but ofc i don't always get along w the ppl in those circles. but even amongst lesbians, i see more and more detrans women who've had surgery & are in happy relationships w other women who love their body, scars n all. so maybe there is a place for me after all.

[wulvert]

SHE'S SO ELEGANT,,,PICTURE PERFECT GRACE. THROWING UP GARLIC BREAD LIKE A CAT HACKING UP A HAIRBALL. she looked so comfy in that one panel being held (🏳️‍🌈) i think thats her peak. i wana be as sleepy as her,,,snnnnzzzz

ALSO IM LOOKING THROUGH THE COMMENTS TO SEE IF I MISSED ANY DETAILS. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK AVERY IS A MAN. ITS BEEN 53 PAGES????? I LOVE ROTATING GENDER CODED AVERY IN MY BRAIN AS A SILLY SELF-PROJECTION HEADCANON BUT THIS IS BEYOND ME. WHAT DO THEY NEED TO MAKE IT CLICK. "HI ITS ME, AVERY, WOMAN FROM HIT LESBIAN (NOT HETEROSEXUAL) VAMPIRE SERIES PAPERTEETH"??? theres somethign deepr 2 be said about this tht pisses me off nd im too tired to express it correctly. im goign insane sorry. anyways

scarlet's t-rex hands at the end mean so much 2 me!! thnak u,,,i have seen them in ur comics before nd they r so important as someone who does them 24/7. this may also sound weird but i like the extra detail u put into the legs. i do NOT mean this in a strange way oh god. um. u get it i hope.

awesoke page in general im gnna eat it.!!!

literally so sleepy and is held. sure she passed out from fear but thats irrelevant now bc shes unconscious I want to be that cozybut i dont think i ever will be

yeah! uptick of ppl who think shes a man this page- Ig it got featured on a banner again the other day so a few new ppl probs skim read past the part where shes outright referred to as a woman idk. I think the reason it bothers me a bit is bc avery is a character im rly overly attached to bc shes pretty pathetic like me and shes the same flavour of girl as me, which i dont rly relate 2 a lot of fictional women as someone whos kind of a struggle, so its like nice to make them for myself i guess? idk having her makes me feel better. is that a comfort character. i dont know. i care her.- so i feel like ive failed a little when ppl just look at her and go oh, this character is clearly intended by the author to be a man.

I cant rly b mad at ppl who honestly just dont realise though, I'll admit i commit the crime of mistaking cartoon men for cartoon women sometimes- I am a little mad at ppl who say things like its hard to believe shes a girl when they find out .like. shes a vampire. you can suspend ur disbelief far enough to believe shes a vampire. but not enough to believe shes a girl... interesting ...hm ....funny how that works anonymous webtoon commenter.......................

TL;DR: Averys my bbg and im too attached to her.

& no of course! i like giving characters raptor hands, I am for serious when i said i injected the autism myself. & ITSNOT WEIRD DW i like drawing legs even if i make them far too long.

&thank you!!

[maybeonedayillfindout]

Oh, to be a mysterious old book collector that goes by Mr Valentine even though no one knows my real name or whether im a man or a woman. I wear half moon glasses with a gold rim and am never seen wearing anything other than an immaculately put together outfit of a long coat, a dress shirt and some worn dark green pants, maybe some suspenders, that fits my aesthetic perfectly. I have been fascinated with books since i was little, and worked as a librarian and delivery boy for most of my twenties, until the untimely death of my grandfather (who was always a little peculiar) leaves me with a small fortune and a large mansion full to the brim with trinkets and collectibles. I sell the house and use some of the money to buy a small cottage in the middle of nowhere. I keep as many of the trinkets as i can. After that i travel around in search of first edition plays or poem translations never published or a fascinating set of letters in an exchange between forbidden lovers in the 1800s. I collect a very very large collection of pieces of writing through the ages that i keep in my little cottage safehouse. I travel to france to london to moscow to japan, and once even to argentina and egypt. I go on ships and trains exclusively because thats where you can find things you didnt even know you where looking for. The day i turn sixty five i find a letter that leads me down a rabbit hole and i end up uncovering a decades old conspiracy that is still going to this day. I spend a decade following the trail, storing everything i find back in my little house in the woods, until one day i trust the wrong person and realise ive gotten poisoned. In my last moments i leave a note that i put in a book that i send in a little cart down the river Volga, which is frozen (im in moscow at the time). I hobble to the red square and die curled up near the ice rink. Ive always liked moscow during winter. My murderers think theyve put a stop to my knowledge but what they dont know is that ive left my cottage, and everything in it, to an old friend who has never gotten married, who ive always had a bit of a soft spot for. She learns of my death and mourns at least a little inside for the rest of her life. When she dies of old age she leaves my collection to her young granddaughter, who is so quiet and unbothered by anything that people call her peculiar in that way that implies something much more severe. When she finds out about the cottage she is delighted and moves there as soon as shes done with her education, intending to write biographies and historical non fiction using the resources i amassed, but not three years into her stay she hears a knock on her door during a storm and opens it warily only to find a bedraggled, lanky girl trying her best to cove a very old book from the rain who speaks in a heavy russian accent and begs to be let in so she can explain who she is. The girl lets her in and gives her a blanket and hot chocolate and listens to her tell a wild story about finding a book under a bridge and taking it and then having to run from someone who happened to see her carry it and started following her home, eventually resulting in her having to leave the country out of fear of being stalked, and finding an address disguised as a riddle in the book she picked up and deciding to go there. Her and the granddaughter become fast friends even though one speaks mostly in russian and the other in french, and then they both uncover the conspiracy and are forced out of the cottage into an adventure that they will never forget, during which they find out a lot more about my life and also fall in love. They survive and live the rest of their lives traveling, like i did, following trail after trail. They die in peace, leaving everything in their will to a young mother they see almost as a daughter and my legacy continues and grows through mother after daughter after granddaughter after lover. Centuries down the line, my grave is wrapped in pink lilies and blue forget-me-nots

[nuttersincorporated]

I want to play the stanley parable but im a little worried abt certain triggers. I have mild psychosis abt themes surrounding free will, manipulation of the mind and mind reading. And related subjects. From what ive SEEN of the game, it seems like it might have elements like that. Is that true? And if so, how prevelant/extreme are they? Are they played for laughs or for genuine fright? Or am i totally wrong and it has nothing like that?

Hi Anon!

Yes, The Stanley Parable does deal with mind control, the idea of free will, manipulation, unreality, existential crisis, isolation, losing your mind and suicide. Some of the endings are played for laughs (most of the bucket ones) but some of them are played straight and are really heart wrenching.

There are lots of different ‘endings’. However, the game doesn’t end because once you reach an end, the game resets and you start again.

If you get The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe, you have the option to turn on trigger warnings which will warn you about some of the heavier endings and let you skip them.

I’m going to put the next bit under a keep reading so you can skip it if you want. However, I’ll take about some of the things that might potently be triggering to you in spoilery detail below.

The Freedom Ending (AKA The True Ending)

To get this, you follow all the Narrator’s instructions.

It turns out that Stanley has been under mind control for a long time. He turns off the machine and escapes to freedom. The Narrator informs you that Stanley is now happy, right before the game resets.

The Mariella Ending (AKA The Insanity Ending)

Stanley goes downstairs when the Narrator told him to go up.

Stanley decides he’s dreaming because all his co-workers wouldn’t just disappear plus, why is there a voice narrating everything he’s doing? The Narrator tells him that he isn’t dreaming, he’s gone mad. Stanley tries to wake up but can’t. He has a panic attack and dies.

The Narrator starts describing Mariella, a woman who watched Stanley stumble around the street screaming in fear before dying. Mariella is glad she is sane and gets on with her life.

The Confusion Ending

You go off track, the Narrator tries to get you back on track but ends up showing you a spoiler for later in the freedom ending.

The Narrator resets the game to try again (this is not a true reset). He tries to make you follow the story but things keep going wrong and he keeps resetting.

Eventually, the Narrator finds the Confusion Ending timetable and realises he’s just as trapped as Stanley. He has an existential crisis and tries to stop things. It does not go well and instead his memory is wiped forcing him to forget.

The Zending

You jump off a moving cargo lift onto a platform below. When the Narrator tells you to go through the Red Door you listen.

The Narrator is happy you listened. He thinks you’ll both be happy if you stop following the story and stay somewhere nice together. You go to a room with pretty lights.

There is no way out of that room other than to climb a staircase and repeatedly throw yourself off it. The Narrator begs and begs you to stop but throwing Stanley to his death is the only way – in game – to reach an ending.

Real Person Ending

You unplug a phone, rather than answer it.

The Narrator realises you aren’t Stanley, you are a real person. He thinks you are stuck in the game and the only way to get you out is to follow his story to the end (this is now impossible in this ending).

You eventually get booted out of Stanley’s body and watch from above. The Narrator begs Stanley to move and make a choice but without the Player, he can’t. The Narrator gets sad and desperate. He decides to wait for Stanley to make a decision, even though he never will.

New Ultra Deluxe Ending!

The Memory Zone/ The Skip Button Ending

The Narrator is unimpressed by Ultra Deluxe’s new content. He takes you to the Memory Zone to remember how good the original game was.

He finds some negative reviews and has a crisis about his work. He makes a skip button so you can skip his dialog. You get stuck in a room with the skip button and are forced to keep skipping.

The skips get longer and longer, leaving the Narrator alone again and again. It starts as minutes, then hours, then days and weeks, eventually you leave him alone for millions of years at a time. He goes mad with loneliness.

The Epilogue

The Narrator is long gone but another character just keeps resetting things and keeping the story going forever in the hope you’ll never leave.

[xseildnasterces]

wake me up (when this nightmare's over).

I ate solid food yesterday for the first time in almost a week. I am currently feeling incredibly sad and depressed. In August last year, I went into an IBD flare which just never seemed to get any better. Here we are, 9 months later and it has just gone from bad to worse. The last three weeks have been the worst flare I have ever had, and this week things just took a completely horrible turn. I have been unable to eat at all, and even drinking a sip of water was impossible as I couldn’t keep it down. My body feels weak, I am overly fatigued, I am losing weight and no medication seems to be working. I miss being at work and I am so over being on my own when these flares occur.

I spoke to one of the IBD nurses this week and they sent me for tests. I went for those tests yesterday and I am now awaiting the results – hopefully, one should come in today, and the other by the end of the week. I am being tested for two things; the state of inflammation in my GI tract, and a bacterial infection that is very common in people with IBD. Out of the two, I honestly don’t know which I would prefer – perhaps the bacteria infection as it could be addressed with antibiotics, and after that, I should go back into recovery and then remission (we hope). However, it is much more likely that it will be inflammation and I will therefore need to make some scary choices.

My current IBD prescribed medication consists of oral standard medication three times a day, oral steroids once a day, rectal steroids once a day, and rectal standard medication once a day. Despite this being a lot, they are all easy to take and are all chemical medications (from my understanding). However, once IBD gets to a point where this type of medication is not working, you must move on to a medication called biologics – which scares the hell out of me. We spoke about my options this morning during my follow-up appointment. There are several biologics for IBD, all of which are administered one of two ways (or both). We discussed my options and what would likely be the best for me considering my frequent travelling and toing and froing from the UK. All of them sound horrendous. Biologics are administered either by an infusion in the hospital every four weeks, or every eight weeks at home by a self-administered injection (after 1 IV in the hospital before the treatment starts). I am honestly beyond terrified. All of this makes me feel like I am dying. I know that is not the case, but I didn’t know that people with IBD had treatment like this on such a frequent basis. I fear needles and the thought of injecting myself scares me to death, but at the same time, that is a much more convenient method than having to go to the hospital every month when I am travelling often and not always based in DC. I feel so sad and depressed. I just want to be well and part of me wonders if I will ever be well ever again.

Time like this I think back to being diagnosed and people were surprised that I did not go into super panic mode. I didn’t cry at the diagnosis, I just thought it was nothing, not a big deal yet now I realise that I don’t think I ever really took my diagnosis as seriously as I should.

[Blog title: Wake Me Up (When This Nightmare's Over) - Simple Plan].

[44gamez]

Skull and Bones Review - Captain, We Expected More…

Skull and Bones on PC

After I heard that Skull and Bones was lastly being launched, I used to be over the Moon. The possibility to be a pirate once more and relive the time once I performed Murderer’s Creed Black Flag appeared like a dream come true. Sadly, the fact is totally different. Let’s get one thing straight straight away, perhaps my hopes have been too excessive, and that’s most likely due to my earlier expertise with comparable Ubisoft titles. I'm a die-hard fan of the Murderer’s Creed franchise. I do suppose it’s honest to have nice expectations from Skull and Bones and make sure comparisons. In spite of everything, Edward Kenway continues to be one in every of my favourite AC protagonists, simply behind Ezio and Arno. That’s why I used to be so ready to begin a model new pirate life. After I began Skull and Bones, the start appeared promising. You set sail on an vital mission along with your crew, however your plans quickly come to a tough finish. British sailors ambush you and sink your ship, leaving you in the course of the ocean.

Picture Supply: Ubisoft through Twinfinite After you handle to get to shore, the true story begins. You're taking the function of the pirate captain and your process is to get a brand new ship in your crew and begin incomes some treasure. That’s if you realise one thing is lacking – there isn’t a lot you are able to do whereas on foot. It comes down to only strolling round pirate dens and islands seeking retailers and the job board. For all the things else, you should get again to your ship. Oh, and for some purpose, your character can’t swim. And I’m not joking once I say ‘all the things else’ is in your ship. The one preventing you ever encounter takes place completely offshore. To my shock, that even contains each looting and boarding. To loot enemy treasure, all you should do is navigate your ship near theirs, press a button and the spoils are routinely yours. And for those who hoped you’d board their ship and struggle them head to head, that isn’t the case. As an alternative, if you weaken the enemy ship to a sure level, the job is completed. To be honest, naval battles are satisfying. They're partaking and when you end one, you instantly need extra and proceed to sail round to seek out one other ship to sink.

Picture Supply: Ubisoft through Twinfinite The principle story does lack depth, although. Regardless of how onerous I attempted, I simply couldn’t relate to most characters in Skull and Bones. NPC dialogue is much too generic and after a brief dialog, they often simply inform you what your mission is, and that’s about it. You'll a minimum of anticipate there to be a backstory or a well-known journey linked to some NPCs. As an alternative, they largely function merchants or as somebody who offers you quests, with none deeper conversations or attention-grabbing features about them. When you examine this with Murderer’s Creed IV: Black Flag‘s characters and narrative, which served as inspiration for Skull and Bones, it’s actually disappointing. From the wonderful story of the Kenway household, the place we adopted Edward evolving from a daily pirate thug to an elite member of the Order of Assassins, we’ve progressed to this. One thing that maybe compensates for the dearth of a extra concrete story is a large open-world map in Skull and Bones. You possibly can roam across the open sea for hours and hours and nonetheless have numerous locations left unexplored. Perhaps the easiest way to try this is to accumulate as many treasure maps as you'll be able to and start looking for the fabled areas. There’s rather a lot to see and do in that open world. That’s why you need to comply with my steps and focus your efforts on getting the strongest ship attainable. That approach you'll be able to sail the open waters with out fearing the hazard of shipwreck or that your enemies will sink you. The stronger your vessel is, the tougher it's for anybody to even get close to you. After the British sink your ship in the beginning of the sport, you and the remainder of the crew handle to succeed in the island of Sainte Anne and save yourselves. This island later turns into the principle Pirate Den within the sport, with quite a few retailers and fellow pirates. Additionally they offer you facet missions that can assist you progress and strengthen each your crew and ship.

Picture Supply: Ubisoft through Twinfinite For some missions, you'll have to sail round complete continents to get to the specified location. Within the meantime, you'll be able to benefit from the stunning open sea. Your crew may make the journey attention-grabbing with the ocean shanties they sing, except they’re in the course of a naval battle, after all. One thing additionally worthy of reward is the PvP actions. As a multiplayer sport, Skull and Bones gives you with the expertise of discovering your home underneath the pirate solar whereas encountering gamers from everywhere in the world. What I discovered most entertaining relating to PvP is actually the Hostile Takeover occasions. In them, you don’t struggle different gamers however as a substitute compete towards them to see who can take down extra NPC ships.

Picture Supply: Ubisoft For many who need to take a look at their skills towards different gamers, there are Legendary Heists. Their idea is greater than attention-grabbing since you be part of forces with others to take down the convoy with treasure. However when you try this, you activate one another and the final surviving pirate crew will get to take all of the treasure. When all is alleged and completed, although, I can’t shake the impression that Skull and Bones may have been a way more full pirate sport. After AC Black Flag and Rogue, each of which embody plenty of crusing and naval battles, you’d anticipate a brand new sport to be a minimum of as full. As an alternative, we acquired form of a simplified model of a pirate sport, with restricted choices on what to do outdoors your ship. Perhaps a few of these issues will likely be fastened and improved in future updates, however for now, all that continues to be is to discover the huge map and strengthen your ship as a lot as attainable. 3 Skull and Bones After I heard that Skull and Bones was launched, I used to be over the Moon. The possibility to be a pirate once more and relive the time once I performed AC Black Flag appeared like a dream come true. However the actuality is totally different. Professionals - Visuals are stunning - Giant map to discover - Naval battle are enjoyable - PvP is nicely designed Cons - Uncompelling story - No relatable characters - No on-land fight - No swimming A replica of this sport was offered by the writer for evaluation. Reviewed on Microsoft Home windows, PlayStation 5, Xbox Collection X/S. Read the full article

[capeplace]

it all goes back to the roots

I just had a phone call with mum. And as we were on the phone I could feel this intense sadness and tears were strolling down my cheek. And I wanted to say I felt sad but was scared to. I think maybe because I avoid saying it because I’m scared of her not giving me the reaction I need, and another part of me was just overwhelmed. 

I think a part of me wanted her to ask about lavine and I would maybe let out the sadness, and she did but then when I said I felt sad about lavine and sad about our relationship (mine and mums) she said ‘I spoke to funmi and bims and they said lots of people have divorces and that its not my fault’ or something alogn that line (without the word fault). And I found myself feeling rage. I just felt like it was confirmation that she never understands my emotions and I guess there was a part of me that almost wanted to prove that. Almost as if it would scare me if we could resolve it i dont know. But to begin with I was still frustrated cause she couldnt recognise why that comment was unhelpful. And I said this is exaclty the problem, if you cant understand how to repsond to my emotions when Im sad and then when I try to explain the problem you dont get it, how do you think I felt my whole life. 

But Mum really was invested in trying to understand, even when she didnt quite get it. I would get more frustrated and she would try again to understand. She was really invested in this being something we really have to work through. And im grateful that she is. And when I kept pushing rather than giving up, she would be more reflective and some of what she had said initially she would give more context and id feel less angry. I think it is also about me meeting her in the middle. At one point she said please dont give up and I said Id already given up. I think thats a big part of it. Like I feel like Ive already accepted that we are ‘doomed’ and maybe I do the same with relationships. Im looking for something that confirms that they wont work out. The question is why? To save myself dissapointment. 

The sadness I felt before the phone call felt like this overwhleming feeling of what if there is all this sadness that just gets released. And its almost like the plug is in with my relationship with mum. Like I try and switch off, distance so that I dont have to face the sadness of her not understanding me. When maybe there is a third option, that I help her to understand me and that I experience us working through a conflict. 

The whole denial about smacking came up but I think in general the outcome of the call was positive because I did something new. Rather than getting so angry and defeated that I end the call, I stayed on the call and we resolved it. I then (although I was uncomfotable) continued having a warm chat with her and letting myself laugh. This felt massive because I think I stay in negative emotions and find it hard to then suddenly be happy. Like im trying to prove something or punish them. 

I think it taught me that 

- if the root of everything really does come back to mum, then maybe I need to work through our relationship to be able to have a healthy relationship. Almost feels a bit spiritual - like Im being forced to face these things like how I was with sexuality. I also think its a reminder that there is still work to be done. That one san pedro realisation is not enough to fix everything. 

- There seems to be parrallels with my relationship romantically and my relatonhsops with mum. Even me avoiding mum as Im going through a challenging time and blaming her. its like that avoidance itself is me not wanting to face the pain. So I avoid it  cause im scared of dissapointment rather than pushing through it and actually resolving the conflict. I think I need to practice resolving conflicts with mum. 

- I think I do have a fear of being alone. And I wonder whether that comes back to mum also. Like when im in a relationship im masking the feelings of being alone. and when im single i truly feel alone  when really its cause it feels lonely to not be able to rely on my mum emotionally. I wonder whether if I can get to that place, I wont feel as dependant on a relationship to determine my mood so much. Rather than playing out my relationship with mum with my partner, ill play out the feelings with mum instead! 

I wonder whether the laughter is a part of it. I think I find it hard to let myself laugh with mum. Like distancing myself from everything includes the joyous parts too. 

Sadness: I think this deep rooted sadness might also be linked to this sadness of our relationship, but if I can work through stuff, maybe the sadness can be replaced with hope and the pessemism with optimism. I wont depend on the highs to give me highs, I will let myself see that life can be hard and theres still joy there, rather than just the optimism being a temporary solution and then the ‘real’ pessemistic me will reappear. 

Its time to change the narrative and allow love to include all aspects 

I feel more hopeful, not even in an elated way, in a more this is doable and we can get there, 

mum also said im not as bright as you you have to remember i get mixed up sometimes. And not that shes not bright, but hearing her reflect on getting mixed up was helpful becasue sometimes I am so perplexed as to how her brain works. Whereas I too have to have compassion and patience. 

I said some harsh truths too like how I felt I had to mangage her emotions, that I feel like we are in two realities, that Id ‘given up’, probably more. 

A part of me feels like ok quit whinging now, take some responsibiltiy and then other part of me is like let your inner child be angry, let your inner child have the fight and resolve it like you wanted to do back then. Let her carry the pain that you didnt let her carry then.I guess it feels odd because I feel a bit like a child. But maybe thats exactly what i need to do. 

in general this was positive. And not positive in the light fluffy way I want it to be. positive in the full sense including all the parts not just the bits I think are ‘good’ 

[nighterclown]

Write out the flustoration write it out write it out

So I have a bit of a problem if you could call it that its like--it is a problem but I just ughhh

So the thing is I have my two really cool really fun friends that I love and cherish more than anything and anyone, honestly I would kill for these two but aside from that, I have some mildly concerning abandonment issues, that also goes with posessiveness over people that are important to me and a fairly annoying infiriority complex. From these thing I can most of the time look aside from and just have this small sting in my chest but not think about it and it goes away,, but thist time--- OHH this time it hits like a train,,

Thing is that I have this roommate/classmate for over 2 years now and, we are not compatible as roommates who see eachother 24 7 so we had our fair share of fights which resulted in shouting and swearing and hurting eachother,,, and in the past shoolyear Ive had it pretty rough and (even tho we talked about it and realised it was just kind of a misunderstanding) she hurt me a lot and made me close up around her. Im not mad at her im simply scared and unable to act my normal self around her cuz even tho she really wasnt she still was my abuser and made my condition last year a lot worse

So yes this person has always been really friendly and apealing and extroverted to most of our piers and that is fine we have our seperate friendgroups which gives me ease, I mean gave me ease until not so long ago she decided to talk to my friends more and more often, until its kind of bacame a thing that she hanging out with my two friends (spesificly one of them) outside of school which makes me feel really fucking shit my blood boila every time I see them hang out or talk with eachother and my heart leaps with the fear of feeling alone and abandoned. It makes me wanna cry, it makes me question my friends' intentions and feelings toward me, I fear my status in the our small closed trio dropping, I know im really annoying, whiny, not as smart as the others, not as funny and not as pretty as my roommate, and I just think these ppl can find anyone better than me

So I explained to this to one of my two friends (bc of course I have to go out of my way and whine about annoying shit, expose myself as someone who questios thier loyalty for me and once again cry and whine about it like a pathetic little spoiled brat) and of course she tried to reassure me that its okay its nothing like that and even tho they dont know what our other friend is thinking, but probably also that, that yes she is fun to be around and all but they wouldnt like to get to know them more personal, since shes not the kind of person they would befriend, which means a lot to one side of me, but the majority in my mind still rejects all that my friend said, I always felt infirior to all of my friends and my roommates in 84% of the things making me unable to cope with this.

Not to mention I also feel also about telling this to one of my friends (and fear telling it to the other) since I its non of my fucking business who are they talking to and befriending with, and its very wrong of me to have so much hate and fear inside of me for this but i just cant get myself together, and I dont know what will I do

Ill probably end up explaining this to my other friend too since its going to be just the three of us this thuesday afternoon and weekend, cuz maybe if I heard my other friend tell me the same (I dont know what to expect from him, this is something I dont think he can fully understand bc of his low empathy and avoidently attached mindset)

So yeah I wish this woudl all go away and leave me be since its also making my amgerissues resufice and I wont see my psichologist for a fucking month now and summer is fasr aproaching and I dont wanna throw up bc of all the feelings when one of them Will tell me that they met up with my roommate over the summerbreak

so yeah

Good to have a rant page with noone in here

[snow-and-saltea]

hummm. im just shooting into the dark with no expectation that anyone will actually answer me, but this is something ive been sitting on a bit.

usually when i experience something disturbing or traumatising or smth puts me in extreme grief, i don't talk to anyone about it. that's usually the default until me-on-therapy reminds me that, actually, you need to talk to people about these things, you need to let people know what you look like and how you feel.

but im confused. do i reach out to people as im experiencing them? bc on one hand i think that's bad bc im just putting this weight on them, knowingly, because i cant handle it myself. but on the other hand, when im left alone long enough, i can figure out the "answers" or reaffirm myself somewhat. or at least enough to keep myself manageable.

but like as i start to think about all the times i kept to myself to find the answers for myself... i realised that it wasn't smth i did naturally, it was just something i had to do to get by. a lot of my issues started with not being able to talk to someone about things and because i am and feel so alone in experiencing grief and sadness and anger, that in itself becomes a sort of "trigger" as well.

im just confused i guess. this might be a chicken or the egg first situation. im not sure if i was just predisposed to solve my own problems (and that in itself caused other accidental problems) or i was just forced to solve my own problems, and bc of doing it more, was able to get better at it even though it wasn't my natural inclination. but the answer is prolly somewhere in the middle; i am someone predisposed to try to figure things out on my own in my head both because it was convenient for me (didnt have to confront the fear of asking for help) and because it came naturally (not good at asking for help so i got better at it on my own).

i know that i'm very much an introvert though, which i feel confident in saying. even in positive or neutral times, i liked engaging with the outside world (Doing Stuff, talking w people etc), but i had no problem just absorbing things by reading or watching stuff and staying in my head about them. i'm trying to break out of my shell more about sharing myself w others to be friendly and create Good Vibes / encourage honesty and transparency w others (bc its important to me). but other than that, i don't have much of a desire for attention as a person, and i really like privacy as much as i'm allowed to have.

i do let my walls(?) down consciously when the situation necessitates, but it doesn't come easily or naturally for me to talk about myself, just because i like to flow along w the conversation getting to know others instead (but i realise that's hypocritical of me to only take in information and not give them out, so i try to make conscious effort towards that end). i've also been realising and discovering the small joys and fears that comes when someone sees you, in any shape or form, and how... energetic it makes me. the thought that someone thinks of me even when i am not there makes me tear up. the thought that i have people i might never meet wish me well makes me tear up, too. the thought that i could hurt and be hurt by these people makes me scared. but its all one and the same, so i try to welcome it all equally. only welcoming good times while chasing off bad ones makes for fair weather friends, which is definitely not what i want to be.

hummmm. im not sure where this thought leads me for now, but ill end this here and come back to it if ever. thank you to anyone who decides to read my rambling

[warmthpdf]

i have 2 or 3 weeks left of my project and im so tiredddddd :,,,,,) i do not want to animate!!!! i want to be in a field with my friends and make summer memories i never got to make when i was a kid and go bowling on my birthday and play in the arcade and probably cry over how much my friends mean to me!!! but also im not ready for it to set in that next year will be my last year of college bc wtf ????