#i have always loved Louis more

[the-brat-prince-1760]

Lestat, I love you, but you have to be honest with yourself. I think you loved Nicki more, but just don't want to admit it because it would hurt Louis' feelings and Nicki is already gone.

-You never cheated on Nicki.

- you never expressed desire to have multiple lovers with Nicki.

-You made a song for Nicki, but only made a song for Louis to manipulate him and did it for the wrong reasons.

- You let Nicki have the autonomy to leave but you wouldn't let Louis leave in peace and kept manipulating him to take you back.

- you never beat up Nicki.

I know you have changed but don't you think your actions would suggest you loved Nicki more back then?

Lestat here.

I would have to disagree with you there, dear anonymous. You have brought certain things to my attention, but I can see why you might think that. The main thing that restricted my relationship was the mortal component of it; because way back when I met Nicki it was heavily frowned upon to have more than one love and especially given his state of mind it would not have been helpful to him. I was always curious on such matters, I just never fully vocalized them for the simple fact that Nicki had enough on his plate already.

I'm sure you yourself are a mortal, anonymous, and I must say that you understand the fleeting nature of a life, no? Picture me, as a mortal with my first love. I doubt that when you were with your first love (if that is your thing) you thought about leaving them. Living forever gives you more knowledge of the world around you, and the interconnectedness of relationships. After I became a vampire though, even though I didn't want it and I have consistently endured time, and time again, the immortality aspect can wear at you; knowing you cannot change, you cannot get any older and that you'll never see the sunlight again.

I don't actually think I gave Nicki much more autonomy, in fact, I abandoned him for a period of time and only communicated through gifts and other things of like, which means that I was being quite a miserable excuse for a partner. I gave Nicki too much silence and too much room for both his mind and heart to deal with; I would not call that autonomy. Louis is able to whatever he needs to, and we have discussed this before time and time again, he is his own beautiful self, and I can trust him to do things that I may not have some 100 odd years ago. I deeply regret many things from that era.

The song was meant to be an endearing manifestation of my love for Louis, admittedly adding Antoinette was very very regrettable, and the misguided actions of my youth heavily weight upon me even to this day.

I don't believe that I have shown a preference for Nicki, despite what many may think; I was legitimately a scared young adult who became a monster at the wrong time in my life under quite a traumatic circumstance. My first instinct was to protect myself and it backfired. I love Louis more than I ever could Nicki due to the simple fact that Louis wants to change, and wants to actually get better when he is upset, whereas Nicki resented the happiest points in my lifetime when I was with him. In Paris, he was absolutely miserable, which I had revealed when looking back in retrospect, whereas I was beaming.

Nicki couldn't change no matter how hard I tried to help him, and after a while it felt like a Sisyphean task.

So to answer your question: No, it does not appear as though I loved Nicki more than I do Louis, because context is dreadfully important when it comes to these accusations such as the one that you have simply made.

Lestat out. xoxo

[violinsandblood]

messy polycule for the win

[casualavocados]

I want you to call me in person. I'll only meet with you. I'll only answer your phone calls. I only trust you.

Chen Yi, head of Yiyun Meng: North Hall, with Ai Di at his right hand KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)

[aruinedthing]

season 1 louis telling his family he dipped from the opera cause he was bored and got hungry & then lestat afterwards calling him on acting like he didn't enjoy the opera when he very much did; season 2 louis telling armand he doesn't want to come to the theatre because he had enough of that back in the states... 35 years and still lying about the theatre to hide how much he loves lestat huh

[alonetogether]

you cannot script a hurricane, you have no idea of claudia's strength, moved her right up on her feet, just a roof shingle that flew off of your house, i can't get her out of my mind louis, i saved her from a fire so half a century later she could..., she looked at me at the end like a child looking to her father. the hurricane hitting full force right at that moment. armand was both right and wrong, you cannot script a hurricane, again, you have no idea of claudia's strength, she's not a shingle, claudia is the whole hurricane.

[the-crooked-library]

IWTV characters are so real to me. my personality disorder has also caused me more angst and problems than my queerness ever did. the queerness is still a major theme though

[thedailydescent]

I really don't buy the opinion that Louis hated becoming the "dom" + businessman in Paris. You can tell in that scene from 2x06 when he brings in the art piece to Armand's office he's entranced just talking about it and its potential. You all took Lestat's "All these roles you conform to and none of them your true nature" to mean he hates working/making money/providing for others in any capacity and just wants to be a submissive housewife (although we can see in Season 1 that the only thing keeping him happy in that role was Claudia- once she was gone or when Lestat became abusive towards her he hated it). Don't many housewives hate being housewives? Do businessmen always like the work? Louis likes being cared for and seen but he also likes having autonomy and projects to work on- money made by selling artwork fulfills that need. And Armand's supposed acceptance and submission in that 2x06 scene contrasts with Lestat's attitude towards Louis's work in New Orleans ("I have all the money we need" "This is Louis's hobby, not mine"), so that also plays into it. If Louis's making the money and taking charge in the bedroom, he can at least have the illusion of control.

Louis still doesn't know who he is at this point so saying he only likes being in certain roles (he's either a "violent pimp" or a passive wallflower who only likes to bottom, neither of which are true and the former being a really racist statement) contradicts his overall arc in Season 2. And the sad part is he still hasn't found it by the end of the season because he's found himself stuck with another abusive partner with his last tethers to humanity cut off. But saying he was forced into trying these new things out in Paris or has always despised playing the "Maitre" role throughout the duration of their relationship (for reasons other than when Armand tries to take back control while he's performing it, which is why it doesn't work in the first place), is a stretch in my opinion. The only conclusive thing we can make about Louis's preferences is that he hates when things grow stagnant. He can't play one role for too long, otherwise it gets boring.

[winepresswrath]

I think I would need to reread the first book to really commit to this opinion but imo some of the horror of book!claudia is that she really is a terribly inhuman monster. she was a vampire child, so she never learned to be human. she was a vampire child so she'll never grow up and fulfill that potential. companionship is a necessity for her because she can't look after herself and that makes her bitter and disdainful of people who want love for its own sake, especially in the context of Louis and Lestat, who damned her to her current state to fulfill their own emotional needs. it's a stark contrast to show Claudia, who yes, is a vicious mass murdering vampire and has fun with it, but is otherwise a lonely woman who craves companionship and understanding because she's a person. Her beef with Louis is still about his failure to prioritize her and his assorted bad idea relationship choices but the undertones are so different and I really feel like the tragedy is that he didn't put her first and not that he could never have made her happy no matter what he chose.

[skitskatdacat63]

“Amore et Timore” - King Fernando I “El Animoso”

[homosociallyyours]

he looks like a butch lesbian whenever he wears this shirt

OMG buddy you're 1000000% correct with this take lol

this is the dirtbag butch fuckboi who is easy to get with and impossible to keep...until she meets her match, if you know what i mean

(i mean dirtbag harry OBVIOUSLY-- pick your poison when it comes to harry's gender rep and identity, all that matters is that louis falls ass over tits in love with her and nobody ever saw it coming, especially louis)

featuring oli as louis' reformed fuckboi bestie who high-key wishes her best friend would stop finding ways to ruin all the chill places they find to hang out by screwing (over) the bar staff and who is very, VERY pro harry

and harry's tits, no matter what size, that louis is unfortunately obsessed with

[casualavocados]

An idiot like you...an idiot like you...

KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Ep. 9

[volfoss]

the best thing for me actually is im getting around to reading the comics that retell from iwtv -> body thief and theyre actually pretty good so far? they cut down on a lot of her narration and often excessive narration which makes the plot fly by lmao. the worst thing however is the art is... well definitely something. at times it works and at times you get this panel of louis thats been making me laugh so hard for like 10 minutes

[theo-decker]

Deciding to get an MCR- and vampire-themed tattoo when you're now in your 30s>>>>>>>

[ladycatofwinterfell]

people who defend everything about lestat and insists he did nothing wrong because he says so in his books and that louis is either blatantly lying about all lestat put him through or mind controlled by armand into saying what he’s saying are so annoying… partly because it’s simply not true he insists he did nothing wrong in the books, he admits to wronging his fledglings and understands why claudia wanted to kill him. but also because lestat abused louis and claudia and he’s also interesting and i enjoy him as a character and it’s fine to do so. he doesn’t need to be good for you to like him, i promise you, you don’t need to justify it with that actually he’s a good person. no one in this show is entirely good and never in the wrong, they only have different perspectives on what happens and excuses for themselves. every single character becomes less interesting when you take their motivations and use that to completely justify or vilify their actions instead of seeing it as a reason for why they acted as they did. because lestat is neither an angel nor evil incarnated and for a show that explores cycles of abuse and patterns of violence so effectively you'd think people would understand that

this sort of defence of lestat also leaves a bad taste in my mouth because the violence he enacts on louis and claudia is so gendered and racialised, he's the white patriarch in the family and his gender nonconforming manners and at times progressive beliefs do not change that. he can be a flamboyant bisexual who does drag and still uphold patriarchal structures within his family. it just becomes weirdly racist and misogynist to completely disregard it.

for me the bad things about lestat can very much coexist with that i'm sympathetic to what he's been through and how that shaped him, that i believe he has good sides and that i think he's fun. because he is fun! it's a treat every time he's on screen! it can also coexist with that he loved both louis and claudia very very much. and that louis especially loved lestat very much in return. it's a very intense love, love to the point of hatred.

maybe next season we'll see him grow in the modern timeline, become a better person, be better to those around him than he was to louis and claudia during their time in new orleans. maybe his backstory will provide clarity on why he behaves the way he does as it did in the books. maybe we’ll see him still be toxic and abusive in ways. sam reid himself said he believes there needs to be a toxic masculinity to lestat for his queen of the damned arc to work

[in-kyblogs]

.

[13eyond13]

Time to start reading The Queen of the Damned I GUESS