#i have christmas break mostly free sooo

[juniemunie]

"Close enough."

[eveningbluemoon]

.

[springbons]

YOU LITERALLY TAGGED ME AND I MISSED THE ASK QUESTION THING LOL.

Here ya go :)

For CY:

Halloween, Paranormal Activity, Orphan, Texas Chain Saw Massacre

gonna bullshit the other 3

PP:

Black Christmas

CC:

Misery

And DiTD:

Scream

(Man I don't know ANY of these other than CY)

Oh Goodie! These are all amazing. Let's see! [CY] -Halloween Riktor LOVES Halloween! Not only is it Noah's birthday, which is already a great time, he gets to do all sorts of freaky magic in the one day the bridge between worlds is so Short! Derringer likes Free Candy. (He stole from the bowl for kids.) Kurt appreciates Day of the Dead because he essentially becomes a celebrity; an actual Skeleton. Tarrel has no idea what it is but he's willing to learn! Vyra never passes up a good chance to dress-up. Moira does whatever the people she's with do.

-Paranormal Activity Riktor... Obviously. Derringer IS one more or less. Kurt is Literally undead Tarrel has no choice but to believe what he sees. Moira would have rathered not to find out, personally. They freak her out. No-one else of note.

-Orphan Riktor often dreamt his late mother would emerge from the depths of the water to take his soul, for whatever reason. Possibly guilt that he'd never found her body. Derringer cannot feel fear, but he used Riktor's fear against him once. Kurt's biggest fear when he was first made was that he wouldn't have any friends. The fact he only Really Clicked with One, lost them, and then spent something around 8000 years looking for them... Didn't go well mentally. Tarrel was afraid of the dark, like any normal child... He hates it even more now, knowing what monsters lie within it, but when you're a Roman you live in Rome... No-one else of note. (Vyra doesn't wish to speak about this.)

-Texas Chain Saw Massacre Obviously the whole crew is in a carpool, sooo! Riktor likes Driving, but he'd MUCH rather be the map. Noah gets the wheel, probably. Moira's the most responsible so she's in charge of snacks... And in charge of keeping Jackson, Sparrow and Kurt away from the bag of snacks. NOBODY is trusted with the aux cord. That is a turn-based system until they weed out who's going to blast earrape and shitty techno music the whole ride. Tarrel's asleep the whole ride unless something breaks down. He's like a Trunk Monkey, only comes up if you need him. That's how he likes it, nicer to sleep than to watch the chaos.

[PP] -Black Christmas He has nobody left to call him. The call is not for him, he shall not pick up. [CC] -Misery Samson's had many run-ins with freezing weather, even having to work in such conditions given his status as just a peasant in the working colonies. He wouldn't understand the concept of Winter Fun, but if you taught him he'd have alot of fun with it. The Tourist likes nothing more than sitting in warm lighting, enjoying a warm cup of something brown. Tea, coffee, cocoa, he really doesn't care. The Doctor's too insane to do anything but run more experiments. No rest for the wicked! The Rider has no sense for such childish games, they have more important matters to attend to. M23 is a robot... It can handle cold weather though! It'd probably just do home maintenance to keep itself busy. [DiTD] -Scream Henry loves anything Sci-Fi or Supernatural. He loves the idea of there being more to this world than what he can see on the surface. So, Andromeda doesn't really watch movies buuut he'd watch anything Gabe put on... Partly because he doesn't really have a choice, but mostly because he just enjoys her company. Chohko can't see, but she loves audiobooks, anything that can get chills sent up her spine. They usually just make her hungry though.

[lunavadash-creates]

Have I ever told you that you are the sweetest cupcake ever?❤️ It’s impossible to not smile at your posts! I sincerely thank you for all your sympathy towards me! My heart just melts! It’s so rare to find such a pure and kind soul like you. Please, don’t change. Ever.

You made me worried a bit with your last paragraph - maybe I am oversensitive, but I am really worried. It breaks my heart honestly, I feel like you belittle yourself. Babe, you are wonderful! I am not saying this just for you to feel better, but because you REALLY are. Think for a moment about things you’ve already achieved! Darling, you graduated! It’s really something. It is even more something when you study two different majors at the same time and study in language school at weekends. It’s real hardcore! I am proud of you. SO FREAKING MUCH! You did so well and you did so much! Please, be aware of it. You are incredibly talented and creative. YOU are hard working, not me. And you know what? Please, have a proper rest. Don’t overwork yourself anymore. You have to have some space just for you. You have to rest and regain your balance. Don’t think about writing as your duty. I know you feel responsible for all requests you have. But they really won’t run away or disappear. They all will be waiting to be written when you rest. Don’t pressure yourself, I beg you. You know I love your writing. We all here love it. But we love you even more. Taking a break it’s not bad. It’s necessary. When you rest you will be able to concentrate, you will have a fresh mind and new ideas. Just remember that you are a priority.

Speaking of your visit to Prague. OMG, THIS ASTRONOMICAL CLOCK!! I envy you soooooo much! I wish I could see it by myself someday! Thank you so much for the photo! And geez, you are the very first person admitting that museums are wonderful! No one amongst my friends likes them and it hurts so much, because I couldn’t go to the Uffizi museum and Palazzo Vecchio in Florence. I would love to go to any museum with you then! Museum of sex toys sounds really interesting, mostly because it’s not about modern toys. Like, I would never thought that people could have such rich sex life! I heard that in Amsterdam and Paris there are similar museums. But! I bet you would love icelandic museum of punk. Ohh, I am pretty sure you would enjoy it! It’s really small, because well..Its former public toilet. Buuuut, if you like non-obvious museums this is definitely for you. Whale museum was also pretty good. Or I enjoyed it just because I love whales. I was also in a museum of teddy bears in Seoul and it was the cutest museum I have ever been in! Tell me more about that vegan restaurant! What good did you eat? I am not vege myself, but I avoid eating meat on a daily basis so it’s easy to make me excited with such things!

I am not sure if I am better. I mean, I changed my mind about being able to sleep all day. I am not able to sleep at all at the moment. I am tired and my eyelids are so heavy, but sleep never comes. I guess insomnia hits again, it's a never-ending circle. But I am concerned about your leg! I guess you had spoken with doctor since you got xray and usg. Did they say anything? Any ideas of what it could possibly be? It has to be something serious if you have problems with walking! How did you manage to go sightseeing in Prague? Babe, please, take care of yourself! And what does “health problem AGAIN” mean?! Have you had such a problem before?? It scares me like.. we just started adulthood? My friend sneezed and it made him lay in bed for 6 days not being able to move. Literally.

Yeah, I was in South Korea, but please, do not perceive me as your role model. Gods, it would be a terrible decision, really. But, I would love to share some stories with you if you want! I know it's a popular destination these days because of kpop. I used to listen to it, but I think a few years ago kpop was better? More interesting? Now I’m more into khh, but I think I can’t say that I’m into it anymore.

Talking about music! I discovered two new songs and I bet you know them already, but for me it was huge woah woah woah! First of it - Sabaton. Thay covered Metallica’s For Whom The Bell Tolls and they did it so good! Secondly - The Heart Asks Pleasure First. They basically made their own song based on one of my favourite piano songs. Oh my.. it’s sooo good!

And still talking about music! I just wanted to say that I also love our Wombo edits! That one with Ezio singing Stressed out was perfect! Mr Auditore looked very believably singing it. I liked the one with Edward and Haytham. I don’t know the song but it had such a christmas vibe! It made me think of Edward and Shay singing Last Christmas or some other shitty Christmas song together. Why them? No idea. I love Altair, but your latest headcanons could make me love them even more.

And! I just wanted to tell you that you inspired me to take japanese lessons on Duolingo. I am aware that such app won’t help me with learning such a language, but at least I can tell you that katakana sucks. Gods, I hate it so much. Hiragana is so pleasurable to learn. And I know katakana is visually similar, but it is a no no from me. I have learnt some basic kanji signs. And I just admire you so much more.

I hope you will have wonderful and peaceful week, Babe! Once again, please take care of yourself. Remember to have proper rest, sleep at least 8 hours and drink water! I hope your leg will be better soon!

🔪

Hey Knifey! I finally have the right mind set to respond to this ask!

So first of all thank you. You always make me blush with your kind words and I have no idea how to react! I want to squeaze you in a hug and give you all the sweets in the world!

As for the rest. You see i have always worked to hard on studying, so hard it actually burned out everything inside so now all i want to do i nothing! But i cant, i really want to go back to spending my free time in more creative way!

Omg Knifey! Finally i met a museum lover! And gods i want to visit them all! And you know? That Icelandinc museum sounds like such a goal, i want to go there 🥺 and Seoul museum of teddy bears?! I want to go there!

Honestly I love all museums and generally history. I enjoy visiting ruins of castles and villages, going to museums of everything! Art, machines, objects! There are always so many things and so many different ways to find the inspiration! And I always take so many photos for 'future references'. Some time ago i was in a gardens which showed different time of gardens of the world and there was this amazing exhibition of demons from Slavic mithology. That was so awesome! As well as Japanese garden!

In began restaurant i have this fried soy bites in some sweet-spicy sauce. So tasty! Im trying to recreate this recipe but so far its 1:0 for the soy :/

As for my leg. Its swollen AF bht i just... Put on my shoe and pretended it didnt exist. I can walk in good shoes but still im worried. As for that little again... I generally have some weird health issues. I had 5 surgeries for different stuff (spine, tumor, nose) so like... Generally i am healthy... Or at least i was until thst damned foot decided to show off. Its been 4 weeks and im still looking for a solution, running different tests and all. Hopefully they will figure out whag is going on.

Yes TELL ME ALL THE STORIES ABOUT KOREA.! I love stories, tell me everything!

Tbh i never listen ed to k-pop. I guess its just nkt my type of music but I enjoy some Japanese and Chinese songs (one i like is Arrogant by Xiao Zhang). I know songs you sent me and gods they are amazing! I love sabaton, rock/metal im general but I listen to all kind of music. Like Italian soundtrack from Winx, music from burlesque, Dragonforce, shanties. If there are k-pop songs you like you can always send then to me! Ill gladly listen to them all!

Im glad you like those wombos i guess i should make more! 😂😂

And gods. Katakana. 4 years of learning Japanese and I still need katakana board to remember those signs! And tbh i feel like Japanese duolingo has some mistakes ;/ but for Japanese i used lingodeer app and it was nice!

Knifey Im very sorry you have troubles sleeping. Is there something you can do to make it easier for you? Maybe you can take some melatonin pills? Maybe you are stressed? Can you maybe contact doctor, maybe they can help? I dont want anything bad to happen to you! Please take care of yourself? Pretty please?

Love you so much Knifey, you are such a sunshine and I just want you to be happy and healthy!

[purple-no-0b]

Happy birt- Err, New ye-, not yet, ehm, Holidays! We're sooo close of Christmas, i can't believe it!

(Ponytail Andreu cuz here is very hot help)

Oh! And I'm planning on doing a 60 Parsecs! event with all of ya here on Tumblr. I'll keep the details to myself, tho. And.. if I have issues due to personal things I will delay it post-Christmas or cancel it altogether. Don't worry, you, the one reading this, don't have to do anything...

Besides being "noticed" by me. If you are in the Parseconds fandom and I don't know you, do a shout out! It's mostly for keeping us together as a community, yunno'. And if you know me, like, just a little bit, maybe you viewed a random drawing of mine, or the 6 Fingered Baby thingy (Yes i find it heheheheh), just feel free to comment and share! This isn't for a personal reason, I just want to keep us more united, it's been more than 2 whole years since 60 Parsecs! released came out. And why not use Christmas as a common day to show that we are still here?

And, even if you don't know me, like, for nothing, and you think something in the lines of "This is very annoying im gonna scroll fast bye", wait. Maybe another creator shared this and you are seeing it rn. Don't worry, if you don't want to share this I have no problem whatsoever; you don't even have to leave a heart, neither for the ugly af drawing up there. Maybe we needed a break, right?

And even if you aren't part of the fandom anymore and you don't post any of Parsecs/Seconds content anymore and this enlightened a memory deep inside just leave a lil' heart.

This game isn't very popular, but Hell it gives me memories and good times.

Either this or the future post that i will do reveling more details can be used as a centre for all of us to join, but the idea is that the latter would be used for this purpose.

Personally, i have quite a handful of people in my mind, but, the idea is that all, or, the mayority at least of the fandom and random people that liked the game when it come out or in any other time, have a chance to share memories, space, and or even lil' gifts.

The said event will either be in the 24, day before chistmas, the 25, or the day after, the 26. If i don't post anything, the chances are that either i died, personal things, or the internet dies here, i hope that neither of those things happen!

Anyways, i will keep planning my things, hope y'all are doing well!

[mirrorfalls]

The Alchemist When He’s Full of Metal, Vol. 23

(Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol. 3, Vol. 4, Vol. 5, Vol. 6, Vol. 7, Vol. 8, Vol. 9, Vol. 10, Vol. 11, Vol. 12, Vol. 13, Vol. 14, Vol. 15, Vol. 16, Vol. 17, Vol. 18, Vol. 19, Vol. 20, Vol. 21, Vol. 22)

And our battle royale continues apace! First up:

This isn’t my favorite of the bouts - the lion-man just happening to have a Philosopher’s Stone on hand is a little too much of a deus ex machina, though this exchange is a beaut. and I have to applaud how much the emphasis isn’t on Al just tearing into Kimblee and Pride. Hell, it ends with the Stone being passed to Marcoh and used to heal the lion-man, so he can finish off Kimblee - I can’t think of a better demonstration of how, even after all this time, Al’s not his brother. His alchemy priorities will always be on helping, not hurting.

(Also: Yoki fenderbendering Pride? I don’t even care if TV Tropes spoiled me a month in advance, that shit rules.)

Meanwhile, the Fatherbunker gets to host our biggest everyone-meets-everyone climax yet, which should be making me ten different kinds of happy, but kinda strangles my much-anticipated Mei-vs-Envy bout in the crib. On top of that, Arakawa for some reason has Envy start popping off I’m-sooo-evil speeches every five seconds; I guess it’s meant to prime us for the smackdown Mustang’s about to serve, but mostly I just found it cheap. Once a villain gets past a certain level of OTT, beating on them’s about as satisfying as beating a bag of straw.

But then, you could argue Envy’s not really the point of the scene. This is.

I still can’t decide whether this is a nice-cliché-dodge strength or a that-cliché-exists-for-a-reason weakness, but here goes: unlike 99% of “no, you mustn’t kill him!” conflicts in printed fiction, Mustang and Hawkeye completely agree that Envy needs and deserves to die, preferably right now. Why, then, this compunction over who gets to do it? Mustang’s no stranger to cold-blooded murder, even if he’s ~Changed~ since Ishval - and if killing out of hatred’s all it takes to disqualify him from Premiership, wouldn’t he have already crossed the line with Lust?*

But at the same time - Hawkeye’s only human, and no amount of cold professionalism can make you eager to turn on your best friend-slash-comrade-slash-love interest at the first opportunity. Who’s to say she hadn’t been nursing doubts about Mustang’s fitness for the Fuhrer’s chair all along, tamping them down with a little more difficulty each time she saw him kill? Until this moment, of all moments, just happened to break the camel’s back?

I honestly would’ve loved to see where this would've went if Ed and company hadn’t swooped in two pages later. On the other hand: that would mean us not getting this:

And in one stroke, Envy not only erases any lingering bitterness I might’ve had at Mustang hogging two Homunculus kills (I very much count this as Envy going out on their own terms), but etches themselves into one of the most memorable death-scenes in the entire series. Don’t get me wrong - atrocity for atrocity, probably only Wrath’s done worse. But can you imagine any of the other villains in this series, no matter how twisted, self-destructing on being unable to argue down the hero? With their last words a ragged farewell, maybe out of spite and maybe out of (the closest thing they can cobble to) respect?

(This almost certainly isn’t the first time Envy’s said someone’s full name out loud, but you know what, I’m gonna pretend it is anyway. Gives it an extra jolt of poignancy.)

... well, that was awfully pretentious, even for me. Can we get some non-Meaningful, implication-free violence in here?

Ahhh, that’s the stuff.

(In other news: Jesus Christ, the manga lasted long enough into the ‘00s to get a Wii game? I don’t know why that disturbs me, but it does.)

*Incidentally - didn’t he casually TNT a couple soldiers tailing him into Madam Christmas’ bar two volumes ago?

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode Twelve: All the Pretty Flowers

View on Google Docs

Summary: October 15, 2015 - Against Ben's wishes, Sammy broaches a touchy subject after witnessing a hearse delivering white roses on his way into the station. Is it a King Falls Halloween tradition or could it be something more sinister? #RedRumRoses

[podcast intro music]

[jazz music]

Chet Well the clock on the wall is telling me that’s all, y’all. So I’m gonna mosey on down to The Red Rock bar and buy all the ladies a drink on me. But don’t try to fool me again, Dennis. This has been Chet Sebastian’s Jazz Corner. Until next time… keep it cool King Falls.

[Sammy & Ben Show intro music]

Ben Good evening, you’re listening to King Falls AM [door closing]– that’s 660 on the radio dial. [slightly irked] And this is the Sammy and Ben show— sans-Sammy at the moment.

[footsteps]

Sammy Sorry about that, Ben! everybody at home. I was just running a little late. I was j- Y-you know, I just saw the weirdest thing!

Ben Was it Chet leaving? I told him to take that fur coat off. Guy looks like he walked off a set of a Blaxploitation[1] film.

Sammy *laughs* No, I wish I’d seen that. But I was driving in tonight- I was running a tad bit late, as you can see, and I swear to you: I’m coming up Main Street, I got behind a hearse delivering these giant white rose bouquets! Like, every couple of streets the damn thing’s stoppin’!

Ben No.

Sammy No *laughs* yeah it did.

Ben … SOOOOO… Weee’ve got a great show for you folks tonight. Uh, Ernie Salcedo…

Sammy Ben.

Ben *pointedly clearing his throat* … Yes?

Sammy Okay, I can see you slashing at your neck furiously and shaking your head “no”, but the audience can’t. Sooo, what’s the issue here?

Ben *nervously* I’m sorry we… just don’t talk about this, Sammy.

Sammy So you know of it! Is it like some kind of weird Halloween thing?

Ben [flatly] Halloween? Are you serious? We don’t celebrate Halloween here in the Falls, Sammy.

Sammy WHAT? This is like friggin’ Halloween Town! You know those shops that open up every year around Halloween and close the day after? King Falls is where all those shops should move to when it’s not Halloween.

Ben Two things. 1) That’s a horrible business model, and 2) Halloween is one, big, diabetic pumpkin.

Sammy Come on? You don’t like decorating? Trick-or-treating?

Ben ALL OF IT. It’s like you’re— tempting these ghouls and goblins to come and mess with you. We get enough of that here. And again, diabetes.

Sammy Okay, I can see where you’re coming from, but I’m not gonna lie— this is kind of a surprise.

Ben What can I say? We’re more the Christmas or Arbor Day types.

Sammy Okay, so the hearse is delivering flowers. What’s the deal if it’s not a Halloween… ritual?

Ben Did you really see that? Did someone tell you to mess with me about this?

Sammy Scout’s Honor. I was late because of it! I illegally passed on a double yellow line (sorry Deputy Troy) just to skate around ‘em and make my way up the mountain.

Ben … I don’t like this. I-I don’t know that I’ve ever known anyone that saw the flowers delivered. Usually businesses and people just find the wreaths the next morning. D-Di-Did you see inside the hearse? Was it… people?

Sammy You know, I didn’t look, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say… it was a human being.

Ben Well, that’s good. *breath* It’s something.

Sammy Okay, so the roses…

Ben [voice breaking] Damnit, Sammy! We got a show scheduled, ya know?

Sammy I’m well aware! Just fill me in about the roses and we’ll move on.

Ben [muttering] Yeah yeah, okay, so… *deep breath* Every year, around this time—

Sammy Halloween…

Ben OCTOBER.

Sammy Uh-huh…

Ben Every— October… there is a certain society of people— and I use the term “people” loosely— that congregate and deliver the rose wreaths to individuals and businesses. That’s— a fact.

Sammy And?

Ben Annnd… nobody really knows what happens after that.

Sammy [audible grin] But legend has it…!

Ben Don’t “legend-has-it” me! Nobody knows for sure! Why gossip?

Sammy Okay. What do you think happens, Ben?

Ben *breathes in* Uuuugghhhh… Well, I think people either accept this weird— invitation or… they don’t. But I can tell you, the people that don’t? Well… they don’t, last long after that.

Sammy Okay. So we’ve just went from spooky 1-800-Flowers to murder in only a few easy steps.

Ben Not- murder- per say, but… businesses that decline tend to… move away or go under. Or tragedy strikes. Sure, I-I’ve heard stories of these folks winding up on the wrong end of a funeral ceremony, but… I couldn’t prove it. Are you satisfied now?

Sammy Of course. Thank you, Ben. King Falls, you’ve heard our story, now let’s hear yours!

Ben DON’T open the phone lines!

Sammy We’re-opening-up the phone lines here at the station! 424-279-3858. Have you had contact with this demonic annual floral delivery? Hit us up!

Ben Don’t call or tweet us. Please.

Sammy Give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM, [smugly] Ben will personally answer every tweet #RedrumRoses[2]

Ben NOPE! Not gonna happen.

Sammy Ben…[faux sympathy] It looks like the phone lines are lighting up, buddy.

Ben I expected better of you, King Falls.

Sammy Lucky Line 1, you’re on the air with Sammy And Ben.

Pete Low-down, gossip-mongering, muckraking filth.

Ben [flatly] Pete?

Sammy [quiet and amused] Escobar?

Pete N-uh- it’s Pete. You know damn well I’m listenin’.

Ben Wwhat’s on your mind tonight, Pete?

Sammy Did your mom teach you to start off phone calls with name-calling, Pete?

Pete [faint creaking in bg] My mom taught me to… stand up for myself! Don’t start a fight, but don’t be afraid to end it.

Sammy Who’s fighting?

Pete Oh, what a short attention span you have, Sammy. Not dwelling on you and Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard III issues; you’re picking a fight with the Unknown! Ben told you to shut your trap. [very faint sounds of driving]

Sammy Heh, lemme tell you, this would a long four hours if we didn’t talk and, y’ know, sometimes you have to—

Pete Yeah yeah, I get it, Mr. Nincompoop Radio Host. [creaking] You gotta blab. But that’s something you don’t trifle with. You should know this.

Ben Sammy, you know I hate to say Pete is right about anything, but—

Pete But I’m right about this! I know you know, Ben. That’s all I need to know. Stop yapping about things you don’t understand.

Ben Thanks, Pete.

Sammy [mostly resigned] Did you have a question or an experience with the flowers, Pete?

Pete Abs-absolutely not! I– d-don’t try to get me in trouble. [car door closing]

Ben You okay over there, Pete?

Pete [failing at being nonchalant] Yeah I’m just out, and… uh, just out.

Sammy [incredulous] This time of night?

[car door slamming]

Pete Yeah! I’m- runnin’ errands and- stuff like that, y’know. ‘T’s- It’s not- it’s not your business!

Ben [literally tongue-in-cheek] Uh-huh…

Pete You’re makin’ something of this. Yer- you’re doin’ somethin’, you’re getting me invo— Stop.

Ben It’s just weird, Mr. Beauregard’s gardener is out at 2 in the morning, running errands.

Sammy So your boss doesn’t have anything to do with the roses, does he, Pete?

Pete Ben Arnold. If you’ve got a lick of good sense, I wouldn’t walk too close to Sammy for the next feww… mm— mmmm… lifetimes! He’s gonna wind up on the bottom end of an anvil.

Sammy You know, I just don’t think asking questions is the equivalent of buying ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird.[3]

Ben [semi-stern] Y’mind answering his question, Pete?

[creaking]

Pete Oh, HELL NO. You two are a couple ‘a horse patoots. I’m never listening to this show again.

Ben Until tomorrow.

Pete PETE OUT! [click, dial tone]

Ben Are you happy, Sammy? Is this what you were hoping for?

Sammy Civilized conversation is the only thing I look for. That said… I’m gonna say, it’s a tad bit suspicious.

Ben There are dots we don’t need to connect. MOVING ON!

Sammy Maybe you’re right.

Ben Folks, we’re gonna take a break to pay some bills, and we’ll be right back and on schedule.

[rattle, guitar strums]

Dale (presumably) [voice is a low murmur (for lack of a better word)] Dale’s Dollar Tree… [strum] at dirt cheap prices… [strum] it’s almost free. [guitar,western music] Hi, everybody, I’m super excited to tell you ‘bout some unbelievable deals we have right now… at Dale’s Dollar Tree. Let’s segue to the savin’s [eagle screech] Our low prices are guaranteed… Who’s guaranteeing it, you ask? … Me… [guitar stops] How do you take advantage of these savings? [strum, rattle] 1) Walk into Dale’s Dollar Tree [strum] 2) Throw somethin’ in your cart [strum] 3) Savings. [guitar] Dale’s Dollar Tree. [eagle screech]

[S&B theme]

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, we are back and you’re listening to King Falls AM. Now we were just talking about me running late this morning, because of a, uh, hearse—

Ben [cutting Sammy off] So we’ve got a great show scheduled tonight. We’ve got Mr. Eli Goldblum on later in the hour.

Sammy And who is Mr. Goldblum?

Ben Are you kidding me? Only the most renowned post-mortal psychologist known to man! He’s on his spoken-word world tour, and this Thursday, you can see him live at the King Falls Convention Center.

Sammy … That’sss-something.

Ben Indeed! So that’s in about… forrrty minutes. Uh, we got Rose, (from Rose’s Diner, of course) calling in to talk about how the Bee Crisis is affecting her honey-baked ham specials for the- foreseeable future.

Sammy [TIL] Really? That’s something that’s happening?

Ben Come on, Sammy. This bee situation is serious business.

Sammy You get points for not buzzing or saying “beeees-ness”

Ben You don’t wanna know how hard that was…

Sammy -eh- Okay. So, how can we help with the bees?

Ben Uhhh… cut- back- on swatting them?? *awkward laugh* I-I-I don’t know for sure that’s-that’s why we’re talkin’ to Rose.

Sammy Gotcha!

Ben And our first topic of discussion this evening— was gonna be—

Sammy About the flowers.

Ben Don’t.

Sammy Okay, look. Can we open up the phone lines again? I’d like to talk about these flowers. Uh, you tell King Falls your topic, and then we’ll see what they wanna talk about.

Ben You know they’ll talk about the damn rose wreaths!

Sammy You heard it here, folks. Line 7, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Herschel Ugh, I can’t sleep with all this damn racket going on! You two DINGLEBERRIES keep it down!

Sammy *laugh* Herschel??

Herschel Oh, hell. Don’t make me get out of bed and give you a full blast so late at night! [muttered] Don’t even know where my slippers are…

Ben Mr… Baumgartner, you realize you called us, right? This is- the radio station.

Herschel I know who and what I called. I dialed you DICKWHISTLES because all this [mocking] cry-babying about the damn flowers. Turn that jazz fella back on so- so I can get some rest!

Sammy Chet is on from 10 to 2, Mr. Baumgartner. This is Sammy and Ben and we- talk about—

Herschel I don’t give a damn if it’s Tricky Dick Nixon calling to give me a Congressional Medal of Honor! You shut your nose holes about the damn funeral flowers. And play me some heroin-fueled American art! [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy We’re gonna count that as one for the flowers…

Ben Line 14, you’re live on the air.

Creeper Long time listener here!

Sammy [click, dial tone]

Ben Did you hang up, Sammy?

Sammy Yeeaah, sorry. I hate that guy.

Ben Line 3,*chuckles* this is King Falls AM.

Beauregard Good evening, Benjamin. Samuel. This is—

Ben Beauretard?![sic]

Beauregard *sigh* Mr. Howard Ford Beauregard the Third. My man told me that you were spreading more lies than usual on your little “radio show.” I thought I would call and clear the air.

Sammy Mr. Beauregard, can I just say, before this call goes ANY further— that we will not accept any abuse towards us or the listeners of this show.

Beauregard How cute that you think people listen to you two buffoons.

Ben That’s abuse! That’s exactly what we were—

Beauregard Oh, that’s a joke where I come from. You millennials would never have lasted back in my day. With your emotions and feelings and the like.

Ben When was that day, again, Mr. Beauregard?

Beauregard Information about myself and my family, can be found in my international, best-selling e-book, “King of King Falls” … I don’t have to answer to— well— you.

Sammy *sigh* Did you have a reason for the call tonight, Beauregard?

Beauregard Indeed, I do. While men with any couth wouldn’t speak about festivities that they know nothing aboouut—

Sammy So, you’re behind these deliveries?

Ben Also, while I would never name names and throw my friend under a bus— you should know this wasn’t the agreed upon topic of the show.

Sammy Oh, stop it.

Beauregard [agonizingly insincere] I don’t know a thing about the supposed yearly white rose deliveries you speak of. My family, nor myself, have ever been involved with such jovality.[sic] In fact, in all my years I can’t recollect such a thing.

Ben I don’t buy that for a second. Maybe you’ve never sent the roses, and— let’s play devil’s advocate and say, sure, you’ve never received them (which I doubt), but there is No Way you haven’t heard of this.

Beauregard Maybe it’s something you commoners have made up, like, uhh- the tooth fairy or the Illuminati orrr— equal rights for the sexes.

Ben I can’t deal with this guy! Just dump him and let’s take another line.

Sammy Wait… Mr. Beauregard. If you don’t care about this— and, in fact, haven’t even heard of it until tonight— why would you bother to break your Hate-Silence with us to call in?

Beauregard You’re not nearly as dumb as you look, Stevens! And while I continue to honor my statement before— I’d have to assume that this “rose” ordeal is a real thing. It’s probably a very special thing! An intimate invitation sent by the upper echelons of King Falls. A way of making amends or bring people worthy of attention, into a conversation that normally would not have been invited to have.

Ben Just for everyone keeping score at home: I took a college course on Crazy and I believe he is saying he knows that the wreath deliveries are real, and he is probably behind them.

Beauregard Time is money, gentleman. Not that you understand that concept. But instead of painting a ceremony you know nothing about as tragic and scary— perhaps it’s not. Perhaps it’s something more than that, entirely. In any case, it’s not something that should be spoken about in public. [phone pings] Ahhh… I’ll be going now, “gentlemen.” And while I do use that word lightly, perhaps take a break from your radio program and… check your door.

Ben Isss that a threat?

Beauregard Trick-or-Treat, Samuel… Benjamin. [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy I wonder what he sounds like when he has something nice to say to people.

Ben He probably hasn’t said anything nice to a person since the 60s… The 1860s.

Sammy Ya know, I didn’t mean to ruffle anyone’s feathers tonight. Especially crazy old billionaires who try to drive us off the air— so let’s just—

Ben I’M GONNA GO CHECK THE DOOR.

Sammy What?!

Ben Yeah. [chair sliding out] I’m sorry, man. Beauregard gives me the willies [squeak] and I wanna make sure there isn’t—

Sammy A sugar-glider on a noose?

Ben Too far. I was just gonna say— that he hasn’t had Pete ding-dong-ditch us- or something.

Sammy And here I thought the Williams boys had that market cornered.

Ben I’ll be back in a sec. [footsteps rushing off]

Sammy [shouting after him] Don’t talk about Pete that way, Ben! He’s never gonna listen to the show again! Alright, folks. We are just a few hot minutes away from Eli Goldblum coming into the studio to talk about, [ominous bg music starts] uh… I’m guessing- ghosts with lingering mental issues? Ah, sorry— apparitions. [footsteps rushing back] I’m holding out hope for an apparition with multiple personality disorder, but I don’t know if that’s a thing or not… [chair squeak, Ben sitting] Ben? You okay, buddy?

Ben [upset] How many times, did I ask you to stop talking about the stupid, hearse, Sammy?

Sammy What’s wrong?

Ben [sarcastic] Oh, nothing. You wanna go outside and take a look?

Sammy You know, I don’t think I want to. I’m happy with you filling me in.

Ben Well, I didn’t go outside, Sammy! I didn’t have to. I looked out the front window.

[ominous bg music getting louder]

Sammy Yeah? And?

Ben [hissed] damnit

Sammy … Ben. What is going on? Do we need to call Troy?

Ben The whole parking lot- your car, MY car— as far as the lights will let me see— Nothing but white roses, man.

Sammy … Are you serious?

Ben Go look!! Just don’t go out there, huh? It looked like it was snowing, that’s how many of those damn things are out there.

Sammy [scrambling for optimism] What’s the chances that it’s just a non-Halloween bouquet from Emily to you?

Ben ZERO. Zero percent chance, Sammy.

Sammy [seriously] Folks, we’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Blaxploitation - Blaxploitation or blacksploitation is an ethnic subgenre of the exploitation film that emerged in the United States during the early 1970s. The films, while popular, suffered backlash for disproportionate numbers of stereotypical film characters showing bad or questionable motives, including roles as criminals.

[2] #RedrumRoses - Redrum is from the psychological horror film The Shining. It’s “murder” spelled backward.

[3] “ACME rocket kits and trying to catch a damn bird” - I sincerely hope no one will ever be too young for this reference, but I once had my little brothers ask who Mr. Rogers was so: this is a reference to the Looney Toons cartoons, Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner. In each episode, Coyote repeatedly attempts to catch and eat the Road Runner, a fast-running ground bird, but is never successful. In order to catch the Road Runner, Coyote uses absurdly complex contraptions- most acquired from the mail-order company ACME- to try to catch his prey, which all backfire comically with Coyote often getting injured in slapstick fashion.

[ibs-amongstotherthings]

Back from Holidayyyy

Okay I got back to my flat like an hour ago and I just finished demolishing a pizza because ya girl hasn’t eaten all day.

Bulgaria. Was. Amazing. I was in Sunny Beach which a lot of people describe as kind of like Vegas or Ibiza. I was a little nervous at first because honestly that sounds like my worst nightmare. I’m not a nightlife kinda person. But it was actually really fun. My hotel had a pool and was literally less than a minute walk to the beach (picture below of the view from my balcony, no zoom). So I got there on Tuesday late afternoon so I just went to the pool for a bit and had an early night since I’d been up since 4am. Wednesday it was raining most of the day so I booked myself a massage. Y’all. That was the first massage I’d ever had. It was so nice. I was a little worried because I bruise easily and I’m super ticklish and this was full body, but the ticklish parts didn’t last long. My back hurt a little bit the next day where she went extra hard but that’s okay. Anyways, Wednesday I did that and painted my nails and did a face mask and had some wine by the beach during a break in the rain. Just a nice little spa day. Thursday I really just went between the pool and the beach. The ocean was sooo nice but the beach was super crowded and I kinda hate sand. The pool was obviously sand free and less crowded but the water was absolutely freezing. So I just switched between them for the day. And obviously filled up on tequila sunrises. Friday I finally left Sunny Beach to go explore the Old Town of Nessebar. It’s a UNESCO Heritage Site and so so cute (picture below!) and I took the bumpiest water taxi ever. After that I just went back to the pool because it was so hot out.

Today I flew back and honestly the Burgas airport is the most chaotic but weird place I’ve ever been. In the same shop I bought the world’s ugliest shirt (you bet your ass I’m gonna wear the fuck outa that. pic below!), my mom’s Christmas present, and peach Fanta (!!!). Also for less than 20 euros. 

Okay so food wise it wasn’t the best. Since I was doing all inclusive at my hotel, I mostly ate there. The food I did have was amazing, but there really wasn’t much without meat or mushrooms. I ate a ton of chips (fries), lots of rice with veggies, some polenta, a weird quiche thing that wasn’t fantastic, some pasta and lots of watermelon. I never thought I’d say this, but I’m kind of tired of carbs. I really want a smoothie now. Just something that won’t sit like a rock in my tummy. I didn’t react badly to any foods, though, so that’s good.

View from my balcony! The pool goes horizontally under that brown walkway, and then obviously you can see how close the beach is.

Nessebar!!! So cute. I don’t know what this building is but it was v pretty.

And finally, I present to you the ugly shirt. Straight out of 2002.

[uneven-odds]

“the three songs” ask set

The lovely @promisedmistake asked me to do this, thx darling <3 1. three songs that come up when you put your phone on shuffle -Younger by Seinabo Sey, Lie down by James Arthur and Deathbeds by Bring me the Horizon 2. three last songs you listened to - You´re somebody else by Flora cash, Lovely by Billie Eilish&Khalid and From the grave by James Arthur 3. three songs you were recently obsessed with - Lovely by Billie Eilish&Khalid, When we were kids by Walking on Cars and Sorry by Seinabo Sey 4. three songs that you know thanks to your parents - Losing my Religion by REM, Nothing else matters by Metallica and Weiß´ der Geier by Wolfgang Petry (still love this song haha)  5. three songs you wish you could forget (because listening to them hurts) - The scientist by Coldplay, Leave out all the rest by Linkin Park and Say something by Chester See

6. three songs you wish you could erase from history (because they’re terrible) -     Every apored song       7. three songs you didn’t expect to like but eventually loved - bad guy by Billie Eilish, 11 minutes by Yungblood&Halsey and Run boy run by Woodkid 8. three songs that remind you most of summer and vacation - This summer´s gonna hurt like a motherf***** by Maroon 5, Sun comes up by Rudimental&James Arthur and Cake by the ocean by DNCE 9. three songs that get you in the Christmas Mood - Last Christmas by Wham!, Someday at Christmas by Jackson 5 and I´m dreaming of a white christmas by Bing Crosby 10. three favourite Halloween/spooky songs -  bury a friend by billie eilish, The kill (bury me) by 30 seconds to mars and happy together by filter 11. three favourite songs from movie or TV series soundtrack - Wings by Bleachers, Fete de trop by Eddy de Pretto and I love you by RIOPY. 12. three favourite songs from video games - don´t have any 13. three songs you want at your funeral - Nothing else matters by Metallica,  Trauerfeier Lied by Alligatoah and  Pieces of you by Walking on Cars 14. three songs you want at your wedding - Last dance by Scratch Massive, Toi et moi by Paradis and say you won´t let go by James Arthur 15. three songs you want to dance with your love to - Locked out of heaven by Bruno Mars, You´ve got the love by Florence+the machine and There´s nothing holding me back by Shawn mendes 16. three favourite songs for sex - I don´t like music during sex 17. three songs that remind you of your crush -Well I don´t have a crush atm sooo I don´t have songs for this number 18. three songs that remind you of your best friend - A thousand miles by Vanessa Carlton, every Song by Alligatoah and Bad Romance by Lady Gaga 19. three songs that are your guilty pleasure - Sweetest Poison by Nu Pagadi, Achy breaky heart by Billy ray cyrus and every Us5 Song 20. three songs that remind you of the person who sends this one - Well I will just choose the same as @promisedmistake haha love you <3 because I love all this insider songs sooo,  u-bahn ficker by eko fresh ft. joko & klaas, #wirhaminternet by marti fischer,  du darfst Joko nicht anfassen by Mc Joko&K.I.Z. and Recovery by James Arthur  21. three songs of your childhood -Blue (da ba dee) by Eiffel 65, The bad touch by Bloodhound gang (damn I loved that song so much haha) and All around the world by ATC  22. three songs you listen to when you’re sad - Recovery by James Arthur (well I listen mostly to James Arthur), Speeding cars by Walking on Cars and Lovely by Billie Eilish&Khalid 23. three songs that never fail to get you pumped up - Everybody by Backstreet boys, Prisoner by James Arthur and Fenster by Kraftklub 24. three favourite old songs - I want to break free by Queen, They don´t care about us by Michael Jackson and Losing my religion by REM  25. three favourite songs of 2017 -Too good at goodbyes by Sam Smith, Sign of the times by Harry Styles and Green light by Lorde 26. three favourite non-English songs - Songs für Liam by Kraftklub, Kein Problem mit Alkohol by Alligatoah and Kontrolle/Schlaf by Casper 27. three songs that you sing while drunk -I want it that way by Backstreet boys, Don´t stop me now by Queen and every Britney spears song 28. three best songs to get drunk or high to - High for this by The Weekend, Kill our way to heaven by Michl and bury a friend by Billie Eilish 29. three songs that influenced you most (some songs change or save lives) -Recovery by James Arthur,  Speeding cars by Walking on cars and Perfekt by Casper 30. three songs you really want your followers to know (for reasons other than all those above) - Somebody you loved by Lewis Capaldi, When we were kids by Walking on cars (just walking on cars in general I just love this band and their songs so much) and Lost without you by Freya Ridings