#i have covid rn and it sucks lol but i wanted to do something for his bday so here this is

[ink-inkonstantin]

Another year passed, another year ending. This had been the eleventh since Toji had died.

The next day, another year was beginning. It would be the twelfth since Toji had died.

The fireworks lit the sky. The entire world was celebrating.

“Happy birthday, Toji-kun.”

Down below, there was the festival, everyone was happy, having fun, dressed in their decorative yukatas and masks. Naoya used to walk those crowded alleys between the booths holding on to Toji’s yukata sleeve, a kitsune mask on his head. An oni mask on Toji’s. Playing the games, eating the street food, milling with the crowds.

When the fireworks were about to start, they’d find a tall building nearby, go up onto the roof, like where Naoya was standing now, after walking through the festival alone, partaking in nothing. But still he walked the crowded alleyways between the booths, holding on to the sleeve of a ghost.

The fireworks were stunning, as always. But Naoya missed the way the light had played on Toji’s scarred face, danced on the surfaces of his dark eyes.

“It’s like the entire world is celebrating your birthday. A festival and fireworks just for you. With your birthday, the entire year, for everyone, is starting anew.”

“Naoya,” Toji’s hand on his head, ruffling his hair, fireworks blossoming above them, whistling, exploding, colorful thunder in the clouds, rainshowers of laughing sparks, “the only one who celebrates my birthday is you.”

Naoya watched the fireworks, felt the sizzling lights on the backs of his retina, an entire symphony of lurid color and sound in his head, but he was the only one who heard it playing for Toji. He didn’t think even Toji had heard it.

Thank you for existing.

Naoya had tapped it with his fingers on the back of Toji’s hand, had hummed it with his breaths, had danced it with his buoyant feet, had held the shape of it in his grinning teeth. He didn’t know, though, if Toji had ever realized the words that were caught in his throat like a cloud dragon that had swallowed too many stars.

They stung in Naoya’s eyes with the fireworks, now.

Thank you for having existed.

It had been eleven years since Toji had died, seventeen since Toji had left the Zen’in clan, and Naoya never had seen him again. Toji always had been leagues ahead of him. Naoya had always run after him, but Toji had always easily outpaced him. Naoya was still chasing, but he hadn’t caught up to him yet.

“The only one who celebrates my birthday is you, Naoya.”

Toji-kun, don’t say that like that’s nothing. When I die, nobody will celebrate my birthday at all. Nobody will be glad that </i>I<i> existed.

Toji-kun, why didn’t you realize that you meant something to </i>me?

You’re not truly dead, Toji-kun. Not when I’m haunted by your ghost.

The fireworks were in their finale, a grand crescendo of bangs and glittery, shivery flashes of radiant flowers raining—and then all dissipated to smoke, streaking dirty across the sky, ghost images faded and blown gently to smears in the air.

All beautiful things came to an end. Toji’s life was no exception. Toji had been like a living god, but not even the immortal were forever.

The old year was over. It was the start of a new year. The eighteenth since Naoya had seen Toji, the twelfth since Toji had died. Naoya would be turning twenty-seven. When he was a kid the entire Zen’in clan had celebrated it, but it had been mostly a political affair, the clan showing off for the other sorcerer clans, the entire shebang. He was an adult now, and his birthday wasn’t celebrated anymore. Not even he celebrated it. Not when, with Toji gone, there was no one he wanted to celebrate his life with. He didn’t tell himself “Happy birthday, Naoya,” on that date; he told himself, “You survived another year. Good for you. Congrats on still being too proud to kill yourself.”

He hoped that that wasn’t the kind of thing that Toji had told himself on his birthday, when he’d watched the fireworks with subdued eyes while Naoya held onto his sleeve and watched not the fire blossoms in the sky, but their warm light that bathed Toji’s face and the scar through the corner of his lips that Naoya just wanted to see smiling.

Toji-kun, hey, Toji-kun.

Happy birthday.

Thank you for existing.

[toinfinitywinning]

Dear IVIg—I’m still thankful you’re an option but youuu suck.

🤞🏼If it doesn’t help the only other known option to help relieve Pain THAT WE KNOW OF (@⁨Mom⁩ I want to make sure u saw how I phrased this b/c of confusion last time LOL) until something else is I guess figured out is to see my neurologist in Cincy Who spoke to Serena (Williams) for my migraines and finally have to do Botox which I believe might be her last option for me as well. I mean it is possible things in Life will not be healable and that’s just what I have to tell myself. I have to stay realistic and positive at the same time —some ppl might feel differently. That’s why I’ve told ppl to pls not tell me I’m going to heal or get better. It isn’t about the gesture, I know, and have thanked ppl for meaning well. But, we, you, research has no idea. Hope. You can Hope for me but it’s too hard to hear what might never happen. Now if it was strep—barring something really bad, yea. But similarly I can’t answer people when they ask me what I’m taking for it. Or if there is a cure. So, in my eyes look at it like any other disease that’s been researched w/o a cure for decades. And COVID is very very young. I think ab as old as one of my nephews, 5 yrs. so that means as I’m sure u have already figured out on your Own that’s all the research we got. So far my body doesn’t take to any of it. It doesn’t take to many medicines either. Like at all. And that being the hard Truth I’ve had to think about how much dueling with Meds and doctors I want to do. And I told Mom the other Day i may want to Stop trying things (wait.) b/c there is actually nothing else to do. No really. That is not me giving up. It’s stopping; knowing that for now this is what we have. I’ve exhausted what is known to possibly help and I’m exhausted trying until there’s something else. It is finally resting in the fact that I can rest in the fact knowing for now I can do it. But im exhausted and all u all R too! Again sounds dramatic and it is, but I will not be a Lab mouse or statistic or trial forever. I helped research for over 2 years. And somebody got LHC a week after me Who contributed to it too. And when I say nothing has helped. That is not a Gentry like exaggeration. It’s simply sadly true. I get pockets without Pain or a migraine bandaged w/ Tylenol. At first I didn’t have to swallow that. I was not this bad at first. And having almost Pain driven hallucinations some nights is all I need to experience to make that Choice.

So, I’m giving this IVIg a really Good “shot” and the Botox if needed and continue to try what we’re doing rn and then I will live knowing I can escape for a short period of time sometimes so not to take that for granted and I truly might be one of those ppl whose Family member stays on the back of the bulletin. They’re saturated with it. I remember being little at church drawing on that back page of the bulletin and wondering why ppl just stayed there forever. I thought it was a mistake or a running Tab idk. Didn’t get it. It’s not funny but yk. I just never—no kid, anyone holding to only shreds Left of innocence ever thinks it will be them, but there is so much more we will never see on the back of one for so many other things. I like those people.

Resting in rest could be Good. Any advice on how to do that?

PS Dad and Mom not many 70 yo’s can do what you’re doing to help so Cool your jets 🤣ツ . Let me count the ways. Later.

[halfbakedmuon]

hey i hope this isn't coming off as offensive or something but how do you know about abstract math already in 11th?/12th grade. honestly i enjoy math and want to get into higher forms of math too but i'm struggling with 11th as is and need to study that proeprly for jee, yk? annyway hope everythings going well in your life lol

heyyy! Dw It doesn't come off as offensive bestie, thanks for the ask, and i hope this helps!!

Well I've always been very hateful towards maths as a concept but my sister loves it, so she kept giving me books to read about mathematical thinking and stuff and then during the covid lockdown time, my sister, who was studying pure maths and engineering at the time, taught me a bunch of stuff, and then I sorta developed an interest and continued to learn through books and stuff on my own lmao

math does suck most of the time and for now, seeing the really weirdly huge scale of jee math I've been also trying to focus more on my basics and my only advice would be to just focus on jee rn (cause that's what I am doing 😭😭😭😭) cause it really is a very shitty and tough exam and if you can, only and only if you have the mental space (again: cause jee tends to take up most of mine lol) read a beginner math book or a like a yt lecture (I've heard mit ocw has good ones!), i started with "a mind for numbers" by Barbara Oakley and "mathematical thinking: for people who hate maths" by alexander Rutherford so maybe they'll help you as well!! I hope everything's going well in your life too <3

[virgo-dream]

Unsure if anyone is waiting for updates on things I write but I like feeling like I have an audience I’m speaking to so, be ready for a lil venting from here on:

I reeeeeeally really really want to write but Covid has wrecked my brain and I have like… maybe 50% of the focus and energy to do any sort of creative work (or any work at all, which sucks because I do work in a creative field lol) I have many ideas sitting around in my brain and I do want to try them out but… the idea machine and the do work machine are not working compatibly rn.

Fanfic has given me space to reeeeeally experiment with writing in a way I never felt I was allowed to before, and I know that if I spend too long without writing my brain will just go “oh so you gave up right? We’re never doing that again. Okay!” And I’ll feel guilty for cultivating something only to let it die so quickly and… well, I think y’all can see how this thought process works.

This is just to say I want to write, and hopefully I’ll be able to do it again soon. But Covid brain has really made everything so difficult that I’m just constantly disappointing myself with things I wish I’d done and didn’t.

[dissociacrip]

the delightful dilemma of being multiply physically impaired in ways that directly contradict my ability to efficiently perform my manual labor job duties as a dishwasher in ways that would get me fired if it weren't for the fact that having to overcompensate for my brain and body-wrongness has somehow made me more reliable and consistent than my co-workers - purely in comparison to their typical lack of dedication - and therefore i get a level of responsibility and expectations forced on me that tends to make me sicker. also the fact that i'm working until like 1-2am while having to pretty much sleep on the floor rn.

i didn't call out once while having signs of a herniated disc (not signs of disc herniation according to upper thoracic mri, possibly cci and/or a csf leak) in my cervical/upper thoracic spine causing me excruciating pain that felt like my back/shoulder was on fire and like a knife in the base of my neck, i just left slightly earlier than i was supposed to one time (technically i should have left beforehand based off my schedule but i hadn't caught up dishes all the way due to me being incapable of working fast enough due to my body not working) because the amount of pain i was in was starting to trigger a breakdown. aside from this for the past 2-3 years i have had recurrent episodes of intense, searing pain in my upper back/lower neck accompanied by fairly rapid deterioration of coordination and cognition to the point of slurring my speech and moving/talking like i'm drunk that is only relieved when i lay down for several hours afterwards, which extends beyond my pots symptoms and is suggestive of recurring or flaring csf leaks or cci or both or something. for whatever reason these episodes correlate with working morning hours and have decreased significantly since i've primarily been doing night shift..?

either way though last night my knees still buckled on me a few times when the muscles in my legs started getting weaker on me from exertion. i can't bend down to pick stuff up out of the grates because i get dizzy and almost fell over from it one time. i really only still have this job because my co-workers suck that badly. i haven't had the same energy levels i did before since getting covid in january, though the potential csf/cci shit came before that. i really need to find another fucking job where i can sit down and have minimal interaction with people that pays at least the amount i'm making now but school makes that difficult and my social problems and mild hearing issues get in the way of most desk jobs due to them hinging on customer service work. and actually getting the whole "possible cci/recurring csf leaks" thing addressed in any helpful way is going to be an absolute nightmare. idk where i was going with this i just hate that i'm in this situation of having no choice but to support myself when i'm just barely able to do so with current circumstances and i don't know if my situation is getting progressively worse as time goes on because none of this stuff has been adequately addressed or treating and medical staff don't want to do their fucking jobs properly. i worked for like a month with that "herniated disc" pain and the mri showed nothing helpful like lol ok well i guess i'll just go fuck myself dude.

[mommyhot3lbows]

living the delusional life: episode 1: how i would plan our MGP ⭐

truth to be told yes i am still jealous towards other batch that got to have their mgp and all of this couldn't be done due to stupid COVID-19. robbed our high school life forever ngl. like wdym i don't get to have a special prom night after 5-6 years going through hell? and the worse part is the school literally just ignored our batch after what we've contributed to the school. like girl are you serious rn....... anyways this post is basically me relieving my stress so i started organising and making up shit in my head to cope. pls bare with me.

time

the way i imagined who it's going to be done is when all of us were done with our degree and internships (and other names so to speak for other courses) and after all people that are studying abroad to be done and come back to Malaysia.

yes, we're going to be super old but i think it somehow made it better because it's like a reunion which we never had and we're going there by that time most of us have already have our own money and car and shit, so its going to be easier.

place

i was thinking somewhere big, like a big hall or ballroom which looks super fancy. like really nice venues. also i feel like the hotel or place need to be near to the accommodation nearby like lrt and such, to make it easier to get there and stuff. and the hotel doesn't have to be super fancy or what not, it's like you know, like a decent hotel like how you expected a normal room should be? yes, that's the vision.

food

honestly i feel like a serve-on-the-table kind of thing should be the way for dinners, but idk i feel like its somehow better if its like a buffet? where you can take whatever and how many things you'd like. considering we're going to be wearing like dresses and look hot and etc, i don't think we'll be eating much.

at least that's what it is for me, because i never enjoyed formal dinners because i used to handle something at the same time so i never got to enjoy it fully. oh well that's kinda sad LOL. like seriously, i mostly took pictures at the end of the day and eat leftovers from food and drinks that most people have already finished and such. kinda sucked, but yeah, it is what it is i guess.

also the menu should be like not too heavy, i feel like western should be nice but idk malay cuisines should be there too. but if malay food are there it would be like a kenduri fgs lmao....... maybe we should just have both choices. OH AND THE DESSERT NEED TO BE SOMETHING LIKE EITHER SUPER SWEET OR JUST NICE.

dessert i was thinking maybe something like chewy cookies and brownies... cakes are so idk, its like meh... or like a dessert cup, where there's like some cream and maybe some brownies or what not along with some fruits like berries or bananas... it should balance out the sweetness of everything imo.

goodie bags

i remember doing a poll and most of us voted for having the goodie bags as like those brown aesthetic boxes, filled with those paper stuff. and in there wil be like jewelleries or like a necklace or a bracelet with calista's name on it. also maybe some sea salt choc chip cookies in there, some pastries as well. we never really eat candies anymore these days.

oh and maybe like a shawl or shirt or like a tote bag, basically just something calista based. it would be pretty cool to do so.

additional stuff

it would be cool af if there's like a polaroid service, where anybody can just take how many pictures they want and etc but we pay the service provider per hour. i think those type of services exist....

PHOTOBOOTH. VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

games

it would be boring asf without games. i imagined this to be literally just us, without teachers, or parents or kids, literally us. we can act and be how we act normally without caring what other people is thinking.

some of the ideas i had for games are like those typical sleepover games, but we turned it into like a big one for the whole crowd. i think its going to be pretty cool. or maybe like a game related to what we used to be back in hs, so maybe incorporated something from that. like guessing what house they're from (since we'll not remember most people's houses lmao), it sounds tacky and cringe but idk.

theme

something elegant. plain b&w would be dull af. elegant might be the theme for it. instead of colours, we pick the vibe we're into. like formal-elegant-hot-people type of elegant. like old money, and shit. it would be pretty cool to see each and everyone's dresses and outfits.

no rules ofc. this ain't the hs no more (thankfully).

[janedoe-ing]

living the delusional life: how i would plan the MGP ⭐

truth to be told yes i am still jealous towards other batch that got to have their mgp and all of this couldn't be done due to stupid COVID-19. robbed our high school life forever ngl. like wdym i don't get to have a special prom night after 5-6 years going through hell? and the worse part is the school literally just ignored our batch after what we've contributed to the school. like girl are you serious rn....... anyways this post is basically me relieving my stress so i started organising and making up shit in my head to cope. pls bare with me.

time

the way i imagined who it's going to be done is when all of us were done with our degree and internships (and other names so to speak for other courses) and after all people that are studying abroad to be done and come back to Malaysia.

yes, we're going to be super old but i think it somehow made it better because it's like a reunion which we never had and we're going there by that time most of us have already have our own money and car and shit, so its going to be easier.

place

i was thinking somewhere big, like a big hall or ballroom which looks super fancy. like really nice venues. also i feel like the hotel or place need to be near to the accommodation nearby like lrt and such, to make it easier to get there and stuff. and the hotel doesn't have to be super fancy or what not, it's like you know, like a decent hotel like how you expected a normal room should be? yes, that's the vision.

food

honestly i feel like a serve-on-the-table kind of thing should be the way for dinners, but idk i feel like its somehow better if its like a buffet? where you can take whatever and how many things you'd like. considering we're going to be wearing like dresses and look hot and etc, i don't think we'll be eating much.

at least that's what it is for me, because i never enjoyed formal dinners because i used to handle something at the same time so i never got to enjoy it fully. oh well that's kinda sad LOL. like seriously, i mostly took pictures at the end of the day and eat leftovers from food and drinks that most people have already finished and such. kinda sucked, but yeah, it is what it is i guess.

also the menu should be like not too heavy, i feel like western should be nice but idk malay cuisines should be there too. but if malay food are there it would be like a kenduri fgs lmao....... maybe we should just have both choices. OH AND THE DESSERT NEED TO BE SOMETHING LIKE EITHER SUPER SWEET OR JUST NICE.

dessert i was thinking maybe something like chewy cookies and brownies... cakes are so idk, its like meh... or like a dessert cup, where there's like some cream and maybe some brownies or what not along with some fruits like berries or bananas... it should balance out the sweetness of everything imo.

goodie bags

i remember doing a poll and most of us voted for having the goodie bags as like those brown aesthetic boxes, filled with those paper stuff. and in there wil be like jewelleries or like a necklace or a bracelet with calista's name on it. also maybe some sea salt choc chip cookies in there, some pastries as well. we never really eat candies anymore these days.

oh and maybe like a shawl or shirt or like a tote bag, basically just something calista based. it would be pretty cool to do so.

additional stuff

it would be cool af if there's like a polaroid service, where anybody can just take how many pictures they want and etc but we pay the service provider per hour. i think those type of services exist....

PHOTOBOOTH. VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT.

games

it would be boring asf without games. i imagined this to be literally just us, without teachers, or parents or kids, literally us. we can act and be how we act normally without caring what other people is thinking.

some of the ideas i had for games are like those typical sleepover games, but we turned it into like a big one for the whole crowd. i think its going to be pretty cool. or maybe like a game related to what we used to be back in hs, so maybe incorporated something from that. like guessing what house they're from (since we'll not remember most people's houses lmao), it sounds tacky and cringe but idk.

theme

something elegant. plain b&w would be dull af. elegant might be the theme for it. instead of colours, we pick the vibe we're into. like formal-elegant-hot-people type of elegant. like old money, and shit. it would be pretty cool to see each and everyone's dresses and outfits.

no rules ofc. this ain't the hs no more (thankfully).

[queenangella]

hello i am not dead

[bonesandthebees]

Hi :D more questions predictably!! More so about you then my other ones, and I’m going to have two questions for the more personally ones because I want you to feel comfy ^^ so just answer one of the two :3 skip any that make you happy icky though <3

A) what did you plan to major in as a kid?

B) what was your favorite part of highschool?

C) what’s your favorite part of being an adult? And what’s your least favorite part?

D) do you have a job while at collage / do you still talk to your parents a lot?

E) what’s your favorite part of being in a fandom (any)

F) how many times have you gone to the hospital? / what was your worst fear when you were 7?

Me being nosey again, who could’ve guessed it ^^” -🍄

mushroom anon you are so good at coming up with interesting questions i love these!!

A) ever since I was a kid I had an interest in being a doctor. when I was 5 I begged my mom to buy me a human anatomy book from the bookstore lmao. so I was always planning on majoring in a premed type major like human bio or something similar, and it wasn't till i was in those classes that i realized oh i really do not like hard science enough for this oops-

B) my senior year of high school was pretty damn great?? admittedly fall semester was stressful as hell with getting college apps out and everything, but spring semester was so chill. I hung out with a lot more people than I had in previous years, I was more outgoing, teachers treat you so much more like an adult once you're a senior so chilling with them is way more fun, I got to relax in most of my classes since I'd already been accepted to my top university choice—it was just a great time all around

C) honestly this is gonna sound dumb but about a month back it was like 1:30 am and I realized i needed something from CVS. the CVS I lived nearest to at the time was a 24 hour one, so I was like wait I could actually go to it right now. and even though i'm almost 22 sometimes I still pause when I'm about to go out late at night and think oh I need to ask permission I can't leave- but then I remember I'm an adult living in my own apartment with my own car and I can literally just go do stuff like that. there's nothing stopping me from going out drinking with friends and not coming back till 2 am, or going out to CVS at 1:30 in the morning, stuff like that. so yeah that's my favorite part of adulthood—being completely independent. least favorite part though is also gonna sound dumb, but it's getting sick. like, there's a lot that sucks about being an adult, but getting sick and not having anyone around to take care of you?? and knowing that you have to be the one to get up and make yourself food and buy yourself medicine and do your laundry because literally no one else will even though you feel like shit?? it sucks man just makes me wanna cry and hug my mom

D) I do still talk to my parents a lot!! rn I'm staying at my mom's again so I'm living with her, though since I am taking summer classes I'm gonna be going back down to my university apartment once I've gotten over covid. after my summer classes though im moving back in with her again for the forseeable future lol. but even when i'm at school we talk on the phone every few days, and i talk to my dad roughly around once a week?? maybe once every other week?? like he'll text to check in on me every few days but full phone calls or actual in person visits happen way less (although it's been like that with him since i was like 13ish so that's not anything new lol)

E) content creation is always my favorite part of being in a fandom. i love writing, it's my number one hobby and i genuinely don't know what to do with myself in my free time if i can't write. so being in a fandom gives me so much space to just put my work out there and actually get an audience for it!!

F) uhhh idk if you mean like in general gone to a doctor or have gone to the ER, but if we're talking ER then apparently when I was like 3 i had a super severe fever and had to go to the ER but I don't remember it?? otherwise i've pretty much never been to the ER. I have been to urgent care a few times, once in my freshman year of uni bc I got like 2 seconds away from fainting in the middle of my campus dining hall and I had to call my roommate to come get me and take me to the urgent care center on campus, and then in my sophomore year I got really sick for like a solid month and a half and ended up going like 3 times in a single week so that sucked, but I ended up recovering just fine!! if we're talking like actual hospitalization, when I was 5 i had to get my tonsils and adenoids removed, so I stayed in the hospital for like a day or something after that, but that's about it

[syubub]

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

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Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

[fugin-herb-cookie]

Hey guys soo uhh it’s me poppy here, and my sister just tested positive for COVID. My house is very full and very small so it’s likely it’ll spread. I have MAJOR anxiety about stuff like this soo… it really sucks. I’m worried.

This means I’ll either NOT be active again like I wanted to, or maybe I will be active again cuz this is a ventish blog? Idk.

But the 3rd anniversary of this blog is on January 28th, and I’d like to at least do SOMETHING then, so try to remind me maybe lol.

Wish me (and obviously my sister that actually has COVID, the rest of us tested negative but like I said it’s probably a matter of time) luck through this… I’m pretty much using denial to cope rn.

Stay safe everyone and get vaccinated

[purplesurveys]

1170

survey by purplehugger

Would you ever get a tattoo? I would love to get one, and plans are definitely set for that. It’s just a matter of knowing when I’m finally finally FINALLY ready to have something permanent placed on my skin.

Can you live without your phone? Technically yes, but I would have a very hard time since I use it for a lot of things, if not all the things I do on a daily basis; and I imagine I’d grow cranky very fast.

What animal do you resemble? I’m not so sure about resemble...I can tell you my personality matches best with dogs, though. I always have a great time with them.

What is your best friend’s name? I have two of them, Angela and Andi.

What is/was your favorite subject in school? History, followed by honestly any social sciences course out there...geography, anthropology, political science, etc. I definitely hogged those classes in college as much as my curriculum allowed me to.

Would you ever adopt a stray puppy? I would adopt every single one I see if I could.

Do you like chocolate? Chocolate-flavored sweets, yes. Actual chocolate or chocolate bars, not so much.

What is your favorite word? Poignant always seems to hit me straight in the feels.

Have you ever done something really stupid? Erm, of course? I do it at least once a day.

What was the worst mistake you ever made? Y’all have heard it a million times by now, but it’s tolerating shit I knew I didn’t deserve. Also, touching a plugged clothes iron when I was 7.

Can you say the alphabet backwards? I did at one point, but I didn’t practice it and now I don’t know how to do it anymore.

How high can you count? Any number as long as money is involved, hahaha.

You are very loved. True or False? True.

Do you like Taylor Swift? Not so much.

Do you want any piercings? Yes, one on each of my ears; I got pierced as an infant.

Have you ever stolen something? Random lost pens at school.

Do you like seafood? Looooooove seafood. I literally have 24 pieces of sushi right next to me right now; just a lil Friday treat for myself heehee.

What is your least favorite name? That seems a bit harsh. I don’t think I hate any name that much so as to call it my least favorite.

What do you want to name your child? Olivia or Mia is still on the table for me.

Do you like the color green? Just the olive shade. Otherwise it’s my least favorite color.

Do you have lots of friends? I would say I have enough to be happy. I don’t know what exactly ‘many’ means.

Are you listening to anything right now? Yeah, my friend group put up a Discord server just tonight and Jo proceeded to start a BTS playlist earlier. Everyone’s since hopped out for the night, but the playlist is still on so I’ll be staying around for the meantime and vibe. :) Just me, BTS, and my sushi haha.

What time is it? 10:04 PM.

Are you hungry? No, I’m taking bites every once in a while as I take this survey.

What was the last thing you ate? Sushi. I got 3 kinds for tonight: Singaporean Roll, Dynamite Roll, and Mount Fuji Roll. All so good. 

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? I never did.

Do you know any gay people? Many.

Do you have any pets? Yes.

Would you ever own a monkey? Probably not. I wouldn’t be equipped to care for them.

Do you enjoy reading? Essays and memoirs, yes.

--

survey by xxbieberburnham

Do you know anyone who has been attacked by a shark? Not to my knowledge.

What is your best friend's mom name? Girlie and Ria.

Have you ever made out in a movie theatre? No.

What part of your body do you wash first? Hair.

Do you have an innie or an outie? Innie.

How do you think the dinosaurs died? Giant asteroid.

What's your favorite flavor of Pringles? Just the original one. But tbh Pringles are so addictive anyway, I’ll always take more than one of any flavor if they were ever offered to me.

What was the last thing you got grounded for? Low grades, which was really the only reason why I ever got grounded.

Did you go to a water park last summer? No, and I doubt anyone else did either...

What shoe do you put on first? Usually the right.

Finish the sentence: Girls... Are powerful.

Have you ever had a song or poem written about you? Poem, yeah. I don’t think I would particularly appreciate an entire song being written about me though, I think that would just make me cringe lol.

Did you have a nickname growing up? Nothing like an affectionate pet name. My longest-lasting nickname is just a shortened version of my name used by family, but otherwise everyone calls me by my first name.

When was the last time you played the air guitar? Never.

Have you ever bitten your toenail? Only as a kid.

How often do you clean out your ears? Every other day.

Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Fold.

Have you ever been dared to do something that you regretted? Nothing major. One instance I can remember is when I was dared to pick up food from the ground, and when I bit into it it already had some tiny tiny stones and some debris on it D:

Favorite website? Twitter, probably. Or YouTube.

Worst thing that has ever happened to you? Losing two relatives I was close to in the span of four days to Covid. I am so fucking glad we made the decision to celebrate Christmas with extended family last year, no matter how ignorant it was. It absolutely sucks that I will never see them again.

Best thing that has happened to you? Recovering from my depression last year and choosing to stay. I’m living a really happy life rn.

If you could dye your hair any color, what color would it be? Dark green.

Do you have a Wii? We used to but we threw it out a few years ago since it wasn’t working anymore.

Most used phrase on IM? I think I just say “Hahahahaha” excessively lmao. Picked it up from my bosses.

Have you ever heard of The Beatles? Yes.

[asiriuscrushonmoonyx]

20 Questions

I was tagged by @dying-for-jegulus, thanks fren 💚

1: what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

Hannah. Or Hana if you’re a close friend. Not that they sound any different 😂

2: when is your birthday?

20th January

3: where do you live?

England

4: three things you are doing right now?

Like right this second, or in my life generally?  Right this second I am typing, listening to music and waiting for my boyfriend to text back.

5: four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

Idk what this means but I’ll go with what @dying-for-jegulus did and list fandoms I’m not a part of that I’m interested in.

First, Supernatural.  I’ve always wanted to watch it but it’s never been available anywhere.  Now that it’s finished I will definitely start watching it at some point (no spoilers pls).  I mean, maybe Teen Wolf? I love Vampire Diaries so I feel like I’d enjoy it.  I’m interested in watching Euphoria too.  And... maybe The Boys? I love how these are all TV shows lol.

6: how has the pandemic been treating you?

I friggin’ hate it.  I work in healthcare and I’ve barely had a single day off since February. It’s so much stress, so much chaos.  My boyfriend is high risk and it’s been so tough.  This year has probably been the year I’ve seen him least out of our whole relationship.  Even right now his parents have covid and I’m worried sick but I’m trying to stay positive. Also I have to home test myself twice a week which is good because I’ll know I’m safe but at the same time, the tests are the worst and I have to do them twice a week.  Ugh.

7: a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Man’s World by Marina.  I’m so excited she’s bringing out new music!

8: recommend a movie.

I won’t go for my obvious ones here.  There’s a movie called Triangle that is crazy.  I can’t even really explain it without spoiling it, but if you want a movie that makes you think, this is the movie for you.  I watched it with my mum and brother years ago and we sat up for three hours after talking about it.  It’s now one of my all time favourites.

9: how old are you?

26

10: school, university, occupation, other?

I’m a student at Open University (meaning it’s a home-based uni and I do everything in my own time online) and I’m studying Maths.  I also have a part-time job as a medical secretary at a doctor’s surgery and another part-time job as a receptionist in the Accident & Emergency department of the hospital.

11: do you prefer heat or cold?

I definitely prefer being cold even though anyone who knows me hears me complaining about being cold ALL THE TIME.  Being too hot sucks.

12: name one fact others may not know about you.

Idk. I think I have an addictive/obsessive personality and I really hate that.

13: are you shy?

No. I come off shy but I’m just quiet. And I think I have very mild social anxiety.

14: your pronouns?

She/her

15: biggest pet peeves?

When the bedsheet is bunched up or coming off the mattress or when the duvet is all bunched up in the duvet cover

16: what is your favorite “dere” type?

I don’t know what that is?

17: rate your life from 1-10.

Honestly rn I feel like it’s a 4. Would not recommend.

18: what’s your main blog?

@starkerobsession

19: list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

@starkerobsession (isn’t a sideblog but) is my main where I post about Marvel and my OTP Starker

@regulusblacksdiery is a blog where I post diary entries from Regulus Black from the age of 7-+

@marauders-era-musings is a sideblog to @regulusblacksdiery which posts other characters stuff in the same timeline

@marauder-texts is a reboot of my old (deleted) blog Maraudertexts which is just posts from the marauder’s era as if the characters had social media (I’m not very active on it)

20: Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

I ship problematic stuff so if you’ve got a problem with that and then deal with it.

I tag @mischievous-thunder @azaharperezoso @limetimo @curlyy-hair-dont-care @hpnonsense @littlebloogirl @slyther-m00ny @justafangirl18 @jeguwulus @bartylus @bartylusaying

[sheinthatfandom]

Ashli’s gift

A gift to my lovely Tumblr wife @icecream-and-gadreel I don’t even remember how this started... oh yeah she wanted to be a hoe at work and I had to remind her covid still exists and somehow it wound up with me writing her Gadreel p*rn lol friendship lol

Tumblr is fucking with the spacing so I don’t wanna hear if some lines are pressed together and others far apart. I might put it on ao3 later just so it’s readible. Once I post I’ll see how badly Tumblr fucked it up.

Warnings: I’m half asleep with a pounding headache so I have no idea wtf I wrote. Soft dom!gadreel feels though and it’s p*rn

Pairing: Gadreel/Ashli (original female character)

It had been a long day at work. Tedious, grueling, thankless work but the pay was decent and it actually had benefits which was the only reason Ashli hasn’t quit yet. Not that she wasn't already biding her time. She had dreams and goals that she wanted to at least attempt while she was still young enough to bounce back in case of failure.

Her lip quirked into a smile thinking of her boyfriend’s long suffering argument as to why she should never consider something a failure so long as she gained knowledge or experience from the endeavour.

Speaking of her boyfriend now that the stress of work was behind her she finally noticed the rich smell coming from the kitchen. She entered and found her boyfriend Gadreel bopping along to the radio. His shirt was tight against his wide shoulders, following the curve of his body town to his tapered back before being replaced with gray basketball shorts that were stretched across the swell of his tight ass. Unable to resist the temptation she reached out and pinched his plump ass making him jump in shock.

“Ashli, I didn’t realize you were home already.”

“It’s been a hell of a day. What’chu making?”

“Food.” He shot back cheekily. “Go take a shower the food will be done soon.”

“Only if you join me.”

He pulled her into a hug, his arms wrapped low around her waist. His lips plucked against hers, an unhurried kiss that spoke of familiarity and comfort. “Yes ma’am.”

A thrill of excitement shot through her but she kept her expression neutral. Gadreel always worked harder to get a reaction out of her and the result always left her boneless wherever she was laid. She didn’t bother to watch him knowing he would follow after her shortly, so instead she turned on the shower so the water could warm up and proceeded to take off her work uniform. Stepping under the hot spray she could feel the tension in her muscles relaxing. Losing track of time she focused on cleaning her skin from the stress and agitation the day caused.

The sound of the shower curtain being pulled open snapped her out of the mindless space she was floating. Large hands wrapped around her belly pulling her against a solid build. Gadreel’s hard cock rubbed between her cheeks as he skimmed over her flesh with his finger tips, causing goose pimples to follow in his wake.

“Sweetheart, are you done washing?”

She dropped her head back so it fell between his shoulder and neck, her nose seeking out the smell of him and the spices he used in the food. “Yeah, did you finish cooking already?”

“It needs to simmer for a while yet. it’s in the crockpot. Would you like to play.”

Her pussy clenched at the innocent sounding question but she knew it was anything but. Gadreel, being as in tuned with her as he was, chuckled lowly against her ear as his hand glided down her body until it found her mound. His fingertips lightly scraping at the light dusting of her between her legs. Those clever fingers found her clit quickly, rubbing in slow sensuous circles until she could feel her legs quaking and she spared a moment's worry that she’d fall in the tub. The arm still wrapped around her reminded her that the man behind her would never let her fall to danger, only pleasure. She cried out in her release, her body already feeling weak and soft in the wake of her orgasm.

In the time she closed her eyes to catch her breath and opened them again she was lying faceup on their bed. Warm kisses and soft whispers were placed on her naked, dry skin.

“Please Gad, just fuck me.” She tried to beg through a raspy spent voice.

He lifted his head, his mouth glistening from the attention he had been paying to her now pebbled nipple. “You are the most precious thing in the world and i will treat you as such.” His voice brokered no argument.

She relaxed against the bed, allowing her boyfriend his fill of kisses and mouthfuls of her body. His lips murmuring praises on her skin. Telling her how wonderful she was, how kind, how intelligent, how funny and loving she was. How his life was nothing but darkness until she came and shined her light into the abyss and found him, bringing him absolution.

He kneeled near her head, his muscular tan thighs tensed as he guided the head of his cock to her lax lips. “Come on kitten, want the cream?”

She raised an unimpressed brow but flicked the tip of her tongue against his slit. Her eyes gleeful as he hissed at the sensation. The thick vein on his shaft was next as she followed it down towards the wiry hairs before flattening her tongue and licking along the base. His hand cradled the back of her head, not guiding or commanding simply needing the contact to touch her as much as possible.

Her mouth was red and spit soaked by the time Gadreel was breathing harshly and had to pull her away. “Ashli, I want you to take it all.”

His eyes searched hers, the steel blue orbs commanding her to obey as honey dripped from his lips. “Don’t you want to be good for me?”

She nodded readily, “yes sir please, let me show you.”

The weight of his cock sat heavy on her tongue, the mixture of salt and sweetness was easy to swallow. The constriction against the thick long dick in her mouth made him shutter above her. The tension in his thighs were evidence to his mercy. He could have easily fucked himself down her throat, forced her to take his entire length into her wet and waiting mouth but his restraint was unwavering. She sucked and swallowed him, her eyes wide and inspiring as she looked up past the muscled plains of his body to his blissed out face.

“My good girl, oh my sweet girl I’m going to come.”

She relaxed her throat allowing him to come without gagging, simply taking him all. Her head was floating at the happiness of knowing she did what was asked of her.

“Such a good girl,” He cooed. “Close those pretty eyes, I want you to feel me. Let yourself float on the pleasure of my touch.”

Her lids drifted shut, as the world turned dark. Everything fell away until the only thing left was the feel of stubble rubbing against her inner thighs. The feel of a narrow tongue licking into her core. A mouth fastening over her and drinking her down. Her thighs squeezing against the head between them as her body wracked with pleasure. Fire shot through her every time her clit was touched. Pulses of need coursing inside her as she writhed and whimpered. Flicks to the over sensitive nub had her barreling ever closer to ecstasy but each time she reached near the threshold she was pulled back. A torturous push and pull of pleasure.

Her world narrowed and coldness deeper into where it had once burned when she felt him sit up. A keen whimper escaped her throat, but she kept her eyes closed. He shushed her soothingly, promising without a word. His knees pushed her legs further apart, the strength of them keeping her in place. A hand pinched her pussy lips closed pulling it outward, before she could complain his other hand came down and rubbed against her clit and pinched lips. She screamed as the orgasm barreled out of her. The sensation too much and yet not enough.

As she found her way back to earth, her throat sore from the piercing scream her eyes found his. His kind, ever-patient eyes look down into hers. As though he had all the time in the world, as though his cock was standing rigid and hard at attention. Pre-come dribbling down from the bulbous head until it dripped onto her.

“May I be inside you now Ashli?”

“You don’t have to ask. It’s always yes.” She rasped.

“To be inside you is a privilege and I do not take that honor lightly. I will not continue without your consent.”

She quickly gave her consent and he slid into her. Her body opened up for him as she felt the blunt head of his cock stretch it’s way inside her. She whimpered at the fullness after being empty for so long.

“It’s alright little one. I’ve already come once, I won’t be done with you for a long while yet.”

With that he snapped his hips fucking into her with a punishing pace, that left her fingers scrabbling against his sweat soaked back. Gadreel always knew how to take care of his sweet girl.

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.