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saturnsummer · 3 years

Text

worthy.

When Sol gets a GPA of 2.02, the study group (and Joon Hwi) comes together to cheer her up.

notes: another prompt by @thenerdywriter ! i wasn't sure if you meant it like this, but i hope you are satisfied! thank you for your prompt and your trust! i do apologise for the wait!

not much fluff or cliche romantic scenes, but just simple things that i hope when you read, remember your worth and never be defeated. you are worthy, loved and deserving to be appreciated. :) inbox always open!

for anyone who have sent prompts and asks, i thank you for your ideas! i have read through all your asks and am so excited to begin writing, but please understand if i can’t reply you as fast as i hoped! so sorry for this, i’ll try to address my inbox faster!! any mistakes or incorrect information will be taken responsible by me. enjoy!

edit: everyone, please don’t cry on this omg I’ve made 5 people comment their tears now and im terribly sorry for the tears.. I meant for this to be a light hearted story but looks like everyone is crying,, I’ll try not to make people cry now..

original prompt: where joon hwi and the rest of the gang shake some sense into her (sol a) about her self-esteem.

words: 2787 words

Sol is downstairs at the lounge, holding a clear bottle of soju. She takes another swig from the plastic bottle, hoping that the alcohol can numb her heart like it does to her head. It burns, and she’s turning woozy, but she grumbles and takes another swig.

2.02. She’s passed, at least. But she can’t help but feel upset. She wasn’t upset that she couldn’t score as well as Yeseul or BokGi, but upset that she’s satisfied with these low results. No one is going to hire her, even less offer an internship while looking at her track records.

Sol worked her ass off for this exam. She nearly died, if it wasn’t for Yeseul’s reminders to eat. Even her cold stoned face roommate bothered to place bottles of water on her desk. Yet, after all this...

“Why are you still up?” She hears Joon Hwi ask as he takes a seat next to her. She stays silent with a grim expression and turns away. Joon Hwi was the last person she wanted to see, especially when she’s in such a bad mod.

“What’s wrong?” He asks as he catches her arm just as she’s about to chug her soju.

“Everything.” She slurs. “You know I’m not even upset with my GPA? I’m upset of being happy with my shitty grades.” Joon Hwi sighs, attempting to grab her bottle away.

“I should have never came to study. I should have never tried to prove myself to be Dan!” She scolds louder. Sol knows she’s drunk in front of her best friend, but she can’t control herself. She doesn’t care.

“Kang Sol...” Joon Hwi stands up, grabbing her bottle away from her. “You’re drunk. Go back.”

“I don’t belong here, anyway.” Her slurs catch Joon Hwi in his steps.

“I never once belonged with any of you. Being with all of you just drags you all further. I should just stop burdening you all with my questions and rot in a corner. Besides, no one would care.” She softly says, her voice filled with regret and guilt.

Sol has always felt this way. Ever since she was young, Dan was always the star child. She got top grades while Sol got through in the middle rankings. Dan was always more popular, prettier, smarter. Sol learnt at a young age that no matter what, she would always be overshadowed by Dan.

Thus, she learnt to be quiet. Only ask questions when she really needs to. Stick to familiar people. Only be loud when told to, and blend in in every situation. She learnt to depreciate herself, because no one appreciated her in the first place.

Joon Hwi wants to shake her. He wants to write an entire dissertation on why Sol belongs to Hankuk. He wants to show her what he sees: a smart, caring, passionate lawyer-to-be. He wants to show her what he sees when she testified for Professor Yang in court. A confident, woman knowing her morals and rights.

“Kang Sol.” Joon Hwi says, pulling her up by her wrist. Sol pushes him away, but her touches are sloppy and weak. Sighing, Joon Hwi knows that it is useless to argue about her grades and her worth when she’s not even half conscious of what she’s doing.

He grabs her coat lying on the couch, finding her phone and plans on calling Yeseul. But it’s past 1am, but he doesn’t want to trouble Yeseul. Sighing, he contemplates calling her roomie but reality smacks when he realises she’s home. Noticing how Sol is slowly nodding off, giving in to the fatigue, it leaves Joon Hwi not much of an option to carry her back.

Fishing the room key out from her coat, he takes special care in carrying her, sweeping his arm under her knee and lifting her slowly as to not disrupt her from falling asleep. The key card is in between his fingers as he slowly and quietly makes his way up to her dorm. He thanks the deities above that no one caught him or interrupted him.

Tapping the key card, a standard ‘beep’, he pushes the door with his back, and takes care to get him and her into the dark room. He can barely see anything, especially since he has no hands to on the lights, but he makes out his way in the small room using the moonlight and what he can tell.

Joon Hwi knows which side Sol sleeps, knowing from her stories that include her rolling from the bed up to the desk. By now, Sol was sleeping soundly, a slight snore escaping her. Gently, he sets her down on her bed and reaches to take her shoes off for her. Hanging up her coat that he placed on top of her whilst he was carrying her, he finally pulled the thick blanket over her.

But he didn’t leave just yet.

“I never once belonged with any of you.”

Sol’s words echoed in his head more than he thought it would. He stopped and bent down silently by her bed side, taking a few moments to wonder to himself just how and why does she feel so unworthy.

He grabs her bottle of water from her bag, before putting it next to her phone, which is on the table. Knelt on the floor, he observes the slow rise of her chest and the way her eyes flutter and nose twitch when Sol sleeps. Just how can someone like Sol think she’s any less than what he sees?

“You belong here in Hankuk. I’ll show you just why.” His whisper barely audible, as he brushes away a stray hair on her face. With that, he takes his leave and sneaks back to his dorm. (Without getting caught)

-----

The next day, after two painkillers and a big bowl of hangover soup (left mysteriously by someone at their pantry), Sol is headed to study group. She is running a few minutes early than their scheduled timing, but she’s surprised to find the group huddled in hushed whispers.

“What are you all looking at?” Sol asks, as she sets her book at her usual corner opposite Joon Hwi. BokGi lets out a startled yelp and Yebeom clamps his mouth shut. Sol isn’t surprised to see Jiho crowded there, but is even more shocked to see Sol B crowded with them too. If it was anything, Sol B wouldn’t crowd around and discuss things, unless it concerned herself, or benefitted her grades.

“What...” Sol leans over and raises her eyebrows. Yeseul’s eyes dart nervously and she breaks into a smile. The rest of the group just shuffles back to their seats murmuring under their breath.

“Nothing, unnie! They were just discussing on what to order for lunch.” Yeseul says as she walks over to Sol and takes her bag and books from her, before setting it on the table. “Unnie, shall we get coffees?” Yeseul escorts her out of the room before Sol could react. Sol assumes that it’s due to her hangover that Yeseul is suggesting coffee, thus just following and getting a cold brew and assorted drinks for the others.

When she returns, they distribute the drinks and start discussing on what to study.

“Noona, do you have anything?” BokGi asks, a little too enthusiastically. Sol is taken aback and lost for words. She usually just follows whatever the rest want, since answering her questions will take hours. Joon Hwi gives a sympathetic smile.

“How about you share with us about a recent case? Remember the one that Professor Kim liked in particular?” Joon Hwi suggests. Sol grows quiet. Her? The worst student? Sol let’s out an uncertain laugh.

“Ah, me? I rather my roomie shares. She did better than me.” Sol says, then prepares a fresh document for note taking on her laptop.

“I didn’t do well.” Sol B says quietly, her eyes emotionless as usual, leaning back into the chair. “You did the best. Go on.” Sol is stunned and just nods uncertainly. Taking out her case notes and her reports that she submitted, she nervously discusses the topic on hand. She sneaks Joon Hwi a couple of questioning stares but he only pretends to not catch her eyes.

Everyone is enthusiastic, asking questions and when Sol is stumped, they jump in to help her. They suggest ideas and Sol has never felt so energised by their energy before. She find it fishy how Joon Hwi just sits back and she can feel him smiling whenever she makes a point right or figures out a missing link.

An hour later, when they are done expanding on Sol’s case and discussing, they break for a late lunch together. Yebeom enters the room with bags of food, as usual over ordering. As they pass out containers of jjampong and jjajamyeon, Sol’s eyes light up when she saw the only thing that mattered in the whole order: her beloved pickles, in doubled servings.

What Sol doesn’t expect is for JiHo to dump his packet of pickles on her container of noodles.

“JiHo-ah, why...” Sol is dumbfounded for a moment as JiHo opens his pack of noodles to stir. JiHo only pushes up his glasses.

“You can have them, noona.” Sol is even more dumbfounded. This was the first time JiHo has called her noona. She didn’t care for the honourifics, and JiHo could call her by her full name for all she cared. But hearing those words from Seo JiHo’s mouth, just made her think everyone was utterly suspicious today.

“Okay, everyone is being weird. What is this?” Sol announces, hoping her tone came out fun, with no hints of anger.

“Nothing! We just know you’ve been feeling stressed, so JiHo decided to give you his share of pickles, right?” BokGi quips up, as he dives into taking the sauce to pour over the tangsuyuk, before Yebeom and him argue over pouring or dipping.

Sol, still feeling suspicious, breaks her chopsticks just as Joon Hwi picks up a pickle from her plastic saucer to put on her noodles. Her eyes dart from his chopstick to his face, but he just nods at her pickles, expressions hard to read.

Sol crunches on her pickles, but it does nothing to soothe the feeling that everyone was aware of something, but her.

-----

The rest of the week was a puzzle piece that Sol could not fix together.

She woke up everyday to a new message by Joon Hwi, sometimes sending her funny videos, or a simple “let’s get through this together”. She woke up once to her roomie handing her breakfast and coffee. It just didn’t click in Sol’s head to see the cold Sol B hand her a sandwich and coffee.

Their group chat was undoubtedly noisy, but even more so now. Something in common was how the more chatty ones would ask Sol for advice or chat and strike noisy conversations. She was used to the chaos, but she definitely didn’t feel used to having the attention on her.

As the group had earned different internships from small and large firms, Sol was going to be left in school alone, still applying and hoping for one to come her way. Her study group knew about it, and instead continued to encourage her about it. They avoided talk on their internships, and actively tried to help Sol. While Sol was grateful, she couldn’t help but wish that they would just act normal and not worry about her.

She chose to meet them for breakfast on the day of their internships. The meal was noisy as usual as they ate their sandwiches and gimbaps. They were dressed smartly in their suits with their briefcases. Sol made a fuss over everyone looking smart on their first day.

“Hurry up and eat, you’re going to be late for your internship!” Sol scolded BokGi as he and Yebeom threw comments back and forth. Everyone was off for theirs and ready with their jackets and bags. Walking with them to the door, she couldn’t help but feel like a mom to her kids, sending them to school.

“Noona! Check your table later in the libra-” Yebeom gleefully mused before BokGi clamped his mouth shut and JiHo (with much irritation) smacked his head silently.

“What?” Sol asks, turning to Joon Hwi, who was turning redder by the second. Joon Hwi closes his eyes, the same way he does when he’s embarrassed and looks away from her.

“Listen to Yebeom and check the table.” He says, finally looking at her. “We’ll see you for dinner then.” Waving a quick goodbye, the group walked away from her towards the carpark where they separated to the bus stops or in the direction of the train station.

“O-Okay…” she mutters, still confused as she carries her books and bag to her usual table at the library. She would have went to sulk at Professor Kim’s office for a while, but she instead chose to head straight to study. Professor Kim had enough on her plate and she wasn’t ready just yet to face Professor Kim with her mood.

There, at her table, lies her stack of books.

Normal, nothing out of the ordinary. Huffing out, she slumps her bag on her table, gathering the post its on the bar above the table. Most of them were just plain comments, like how she had to stop slamming her pen into her hand (it distracted students) or move out of the library cause there aren't enough seats. Opening her book on civil code, she was ready to start drilling her head before meeting Professor Kim.

Then she spots an envelope, hidden between the pages of the book.

Carefully, she picks it out and looks on the cream white paper, the only ink on it her name, written in neat handwriting. She could recognise Joon Hwi’s handwriting anywhere. A slight scoff escapes her lips and several students turn in annoyance. Realising that this was probably not the best place to be in, she grabs her books and bags (and the post its) and leaves the library. She heads to the empty study room, where she knows she’s be comfortable at.

Opening the flap, she slips out numerous slips of paper, varying degrees of length and sizes. Some words were neat, some were a little messy.

-----

To: Unnie <3

Sol-unnie, you know you’re smart, right? Your grades may not show that you are the best, but I know you are! Whenever I hear you discuss a case with the study group, I know you’re trying your best to memorise and improve. Don’t give up, unnie! I will support you till the end!

- Yeseul

To: Sol-A noona

Yah, noona! You have to stop injuring yourself, okay? You gave us a really big scare the last time when you started nose bleeding in the midst of study group. Noona, don’t look at your grades anymore! If a man like me can get through law school so far pretty well, you can too! Fighting, noona!

Noona~ you’re really talented. The fact that you scored so well during the criminal law test and managed to spot the comma just shows for amazing you are! Noona, don’t be discouraged... seeing you discouraged makes us sad too. Your favourite dongsaeng is here to help you!

- BokGi and Yebeom

To: Kang Sol-A

You can do it. Review your cases before classes. Get your internship.

-JiHo

To: Sol-A

Live up to your name, will you? And sleep on a regular schedule.

- Roommate

To: Sol

Sunbae, remember me? Stop doubting yourself and trust yourself. You’re smarter than you know and fit for court. I will support you from wherever you are. I’m grateful for you, for supporting me all this time. I think Dan would be proud of you, and so will the cookie Byeol.

Sol, you are worthy in my eyes. So stop undermining yourself. You belong in Hankuk next to me. You can’t give up now.

-Joon Hwi

-----

Sol lets a smile creep on her face as she lets a small blush rise to her face. Holding her letters to her heart, she closes her eyes, reminding herself of the past week and her friend’s efforts to cheer her on. She knew no doubt it had to be Joon Hwi who convinced everyone there to write for her despite their busy schedule. For even Sol B to help out and bother about her, it warmed her heart to have her support.

Picking her book, she pinned her hair up as she started drill into her book with a new found confidence, fuelled by her friends supporting her. But most importantly, she felt worthy. She felt loved. She felt confident. She was hopeful.

(Everyone thinks she’s worthy in their eyes, but one just thinks she’s perfect.)

222 notes · View notes

writingisbetterthandying · 3 years

Text

Regret - TS pt.1

Warnings: cursing, a lil bit of violence at a wall? also reader is christian

A/N: this is just a self indulgent lil thing I wrote on my phone, but it's not done yet? I have a good outline but idk is it a fic? sure why not! peaky content! enjoy :)

Edit: i’m gonna make this a series! this piece on its own is a bit too long I feel, but nonetheless i’m gonna add to it! I tried to keep this piece canon-ish but things will definitely diverge from here

Posted: 3.17.21

part 2 is up here! part 3 is here!

Word Count: 3.1k

- growing up next door to the shelby’s

- being ada’s best friend since the start, but closer in age to john

- always preferring the domestic tasks needed, but growing up with the shelby’s and three older brothers, knowing how to rough it up when needed

- even going to church with pol

- wanting to own a bakery one day or be a dressmaker, making beautiful gowns

- your brothers, arthur, and john laugh it off, but tommy believes in you

- polly always swore you two would end up together one day

- staying in school

- growing into yourself quite a bit

- catching the eyes of many (even john boy!)

- never paying them any mind, politely laughing them off

- eyes set on tommy since you were 8 years old

- oh how you had hoped

- but he had found greta

- and you were still the neighbor girl, taking care of finn, but taking no shit from the boys around birmingham

- then the war

- being older than ada and not giggling away the introductory nursing classes paid off

- more than willing to help in any way

- being sent out to france as a nurse

- saving lives, but also seeing so much death and loss, everyday

- with any given alone time, trying to write to your brothers and the shelby’s

- receiving a rare response, but keeping those letters safe, reading them on the nights where it just gets to be too much

- one rare and quiet day a high ranking officer, obviously not in the trenches as he was older, announced the death of your youngest brother, just two years older than you

- you cry hard that night

- but not harder than two months later, when tommy is brought to you, wounded, looking worse than death, but you sit with him every moment not spent with another patient, caring for him

- holding his hand, whispering words of encouragement though he might not even hear it, praying

- he’d wake up quite cockily, a slight hint of playful tommy, who had all the girls falling at his feet, not the soldier amidst war

- “no need for god when i’m right here love, aye?”

- tears falling at the sight

- forgoing any self control and wrapping yourself around his neck, whispering how you thought he’d gone, but not before managing through whimpers to get out a, "don't use the lord's name in vain, tom."

- his realization setting in, remembering that you had lost your brother not long ago

- “it’ll all be over soon, aye? we’ll be back home in no time, yeah? back with polly and finn and ada. we'll be safe.”

- you cling onto those words during the last months of war, bursting into tears in the train at the sight of your two brothers now, and the three shelby boys, safe.

- your brothers are the ones to hold you through your sobs, all feeling the loss of your brother

- crying even harder upon seeing finn, all grown up, and polly, who practically raised you

- working in the betting shop with the numbers

- helping patch up after bar brawls, or business meetings gone wrong

- aiding john when possible, absolutely adoring his children, having known martha closely before her passing

- attempting to keep finn out of trouble and teaching him to read

- being an older sister and confidant for ada, and knowing all about her fling with freddie

- post war, being a little less idealistic, settling with the business, but going head to head with tommy quite a bit

- he wrongfully dismisses your contributions as he deals with his feelings of grief but also the uncertainty of how he feels for you

- being very involved in the business, something he doesn’t necessarily like

- feeling crushed with every interaction between him and grace

- sympathetic gazes from even fuckin' arthur!

- lots of nights slipping away from the snug to get away from the loud thoughts, and the sight of them

- polly comforting you, then giving tom the death glare

- disagreeing about the whole predicament with kimber

- the row gets really bad as tommy starts throwing insults, the rest of those present at the betting shop scared to move, silent tears running down your face

- “what the fuck are you still doing here, aye? maybe want to pretend to play family? then want to go ‘round and try and tell me how to run my fuckin’ business, yeah? talk to me about the numbers as if you of all fuckin’ people would fucking understand? well you’re not family so stop acting like it! useless, just like in france”

- each jab making things worse, his face redder with anger, your face redder with tears

- before he slams the door to the betting shop closed, you manage to get out a “damn you thomas shelby. damn you to hell.”

- he feels that you wholeheartedly means those words, feeling the weight more so than if you had given him a ripe “fuck you”

- it hurts more than it should in his heart, but he heads to the garrison, for the company of the pretty barmaid

- the shelby’s all seething in anger, the boys already headed to the garrison to knock some sense into him

- polly just taking you from the floor, where your sobs had led you, to the kitchen table, rubbing your back softly

- ada cautiously approaching, glancing at polly for approval, with a nod, coming down to comfort you

- “my brother’s a right foul git ya know and i have half a mind to go and-”

- “that’s enough now ada.”

- a sheepish, “sorry aunt pol” murmured out in reply

- having calmer sobs now, but still red in the face

- “why did i have to love him? why does it hurt so much?” you barely get out between the cries

- they both murmur sweet nothings, rubbing your back in an attempt to calm you down

- polly makes some tea

- at the garrison

- turns out grace wasn’t even there

- john and arthur absolutely fuming at the sight of tommy calmly drinking alone in the snug

- they thought of you as their younger sister too, just less annoying than ada

- soon enough, everyone’s yelling and a bottle is thrown across the private room

- rather than a dramatic storm off, they all eventually sit down and just drink in silent anger, letting their emotions stew

- after a long pause, arthur speaks up, feeling the need to, as the oldest

- “what you did there tommy was wrong. you know that y/n’s very important- to the business, and to us.”

- john seemed to find his voice, too, just only after arthur had spoken up

- “it wasn’t right of you to bring up france like that either, man. even if she wasn’t a soldier, she still took home that soldier’s reward, she still has nightmares, and she was the one who saved your life not all that long ago.”

- silence filling the snug once again until tom lights up a cigarette

- a twinge of guilt hitting tommy as he remembers your face during your argument

- if you can even call it that

- it started calmly, you simply bringing up a concern, but with tommy’s doubts about grace and everything else he snapped

- it was his fault

- and he was being childish, choosing to yell, rather than listen

- he decided to head back to the betting shop and at least acknowledge your presence

- he wouldn’t apologize yet- he still was emotionally constipated, seeing any use of “i'm sorry" as weakness

- getting to the office and seeing your office empty, door open, but desk neatly made as always, your coat rack missing any sense of your hat and coat

- immediately going to the kitchen, with ada and polly wordlessly communicating, still no sign of you in sight, his heart dropping

- they start yelling at him upon recognizing his presence, all of the obscenities and more

- he just nodded, dismissing their cruel, but warranted words

- “where’d she go, yeah? her office is empty”

- “home. anywhere away from you. oh, maybe fuckin' london? cause it sounds like she’s leaving birmingham, tommy- leaving us.”

- “oh shit.” he never thought you’d leave.

- but, not too far away, you were writing letters, to each of the shelby’s, your suitcase steadily gaining more items, deciding to explain to your brothers when they came home that you would, in fact, be going to london.

- despite your involvement in the shelby business, your brothers chose, like freddie, to keep work separate, working in the factories and other jobs, but occasionally being used for blinder business

- you needed to state the events without incriminating tommy though, because as much as his words hurt, your brothers were scary, and tommy didn’t deserve it

- but it all just hurt too much, so you wrote.

- first, to arthur:

Dearest Arthur,

I know you have a tendency to drink a tad too much and go a bit overboard in trying to protect your honor afterwards. As much as I do enjoy our time spent as I patch you up at ghastly hours of the morning, just know, neither Ada nor Polly have the same hand or training as I do. Or patience! As much as I do care for them both, they can be quite rough. With them, you’ll get a firm talking too, while I tend to dismiss the cause or reason for fighting. They’re also quite harsh with your wounds, and you might end up with salt in them, or a scar from their sheer frustration if you need stitches. Please try to not need getting stitched up while I'm away. Not saying that they wouldn’t be able to help you, they would, but just think of these thing next time before you try to talk things out with your fists, for me, yeah? Or at least your poor knuckles at the very least.

With love,

Y/N

- then, to john

Dear John,

I know it’s been hard without Martha. I miss her too, but you must try for your children. Promise me to spend time with them, and remember, as scary as it is, you are their father, John Boy, and a great one at that. You just have to remind yourself every once in a while. I’ve included their favorite stew recipe, but I’m sure you could ask Pol (nicely, mind you) to help out with some of those domestic tasks I know you would find emasculating. You mustn’t let Tom get to you either, alright? Believe in yourself John, because I do, and you are smart and caring, you just tend to show anger and a tendency to not think with your upstairs brain. Remember to laugh when appropriate, and don’t forget me!

With love,

Y/N

- then ada:

To Ada,

My sweet, sweet Ada. I’m kidding of course, but you must remember to write me, alright! I can’t have my best friend forgetting of me all because of a certain Mr. Thorne! You’re sure to visit me in London, and we’ll live largely! It’ll be splendid, you’ll see. Until then, however, you must let your brothers breathe. I know you enjoy to rile them up, mainly just because you can, but their hearts are in the right place, they just don’t know how to express it. They love you Ada, they really do, they’re just quite the brutish bunch most days. Look out for Finn, too please, he needs to see some support, truly, and it certainly won’t be coming from some...

Have fun, but please do not bring your brothers to early graves! (I don’t include Polly in this because I know she is much above your foolishness.)

With love,

Y/N

- finally, to polly, with something for finn too.

Polly,

Words cannot describe how grateful I am for you. For your support, for taking in myself, teaching me what it is to be a woman, how to find faith in moments so dark, and for simply being you. I am forever indebted to you for your wisdom and teachings, and I am so deeply saddened I must go to where you won’t be next door, ready with open arms, sharp wit, and a calming cuppa waiting. I wish nothing more than happiness to you, so please do not let your excitable nephews disrupt that. I will be visiting you soon, so I’ve chosen to keep this brief.

With Love,

Y/N

P.S. I’ve included a second sheet with some lettering outlines for Finn, and have left a few books for him to read, as I don’t expect him to ignore our lessons! Additionally, one of those has his letter for him, but I was much too sad to have it come to him now, I hope you understand.

- you finished your letters just about when your brothers came home, and they obviously noticed the suitcase, now at the bottom of the stairs.

- the explanation and following discussion being very difficult, but your brothers understanding

- it wasn't like they hadn't seen you gaze at tommy for so long, and they had figured something had happened at the betting shop today

- they weren't blind, and while your feelings hadn't changed, despite the war, tommy had.

- so, in the morning you'd drop down to the shop, hand in a letter of resignation, and the more personal letters to polly, so she could distribute them

- when you got to the betting shop the next morning, it was early, and no one seemed to be there, so you simply placed all the letters on the kitchen table, and headed towards the train station

- it wasn't as empty as you thought, and a certain shelby came running up to you shortly after exiting, shouting down the lane

- "y/n, are you really going and moving to fuckin' london of all places?" tom called out, but you still walked ahead.

- he kept shouting, berating you at this point, until you turned around sharply, and he quieted down

- "not that it's any of your business, thomas, but yes, i have an aunt there. i didn't realize that i still owed tommy shelby an explanation about my every move, or that he has the right to shout up the lane at any hour he pleases," you whisper at him.

- tears were starting to form in your eyes, silently pleading for them to go away.

- tommy looked sad too

- "i mean, Jesus, y/n, you can't just leave us like this!"

- "do not use the lord's name in vain, tom. also, yesterday you made it very clear how you feel about my involvement in your business and your family, so i won't be staying much longer."

- he had to laugh, that you still mentioned the lord in such a high regard, despite baring witness to the horrors of france.

- but also realized that you were really going away.

- no more hearing you quietly teach finn to read while business was being attended to

- no more having you mend his hands after he does feel pent up enough to go into a bare knuckle fist fight, your touch soft as you attempt to scold him, but never truly succeeding

- no more of the sweet loaves and cakes that you always seemed to have time for

- no more, "do not use the lord's name in vain, tom," something you always seemed to find time to get in there, even in france. your tone was always soft, never menacing and sharp, like polly used to when you were children

- no more of his, "well he's not my god," in response (he really does try his best not to use it again with each of your reminders)

- no more of your ideas for the business- as much as he liked to argue, you undeniably had a deep understanding of what was needed for the advancement of it all, legally and with the more morally ambiguous things the shelby's tended to.

- the sound of your high heels clacking away made him snap out of his thoughts- you were really leaving.

- "wait!" he was running again, and surprisingly, despite his regular damage to lungs and liver, was quite fast

- "i'm not leaving because of you tom," yes you are, "it's just that i need a bit of independence, some time in the big city. i won't be gone long."

- he knew you were terrified of being away from your family, which had become his family, and who knows what a pretty young girl like yourself would face in london. he knew you didn't want to leave, but it was for the best.

- so he nodded, but with one condition

- "i'll walk you to the station," really leaving no room for argument or protest.

- the way to the station was quiet, the only sound being the factory workers getting ready to start their days

- it was tense, something relatively unfamiliar when it came to tommy and yourself

- the teasing was always there, but you both protected one another fiercely, making the consequences of his words yesterday much more apparent

- tommy attempting to slow his pace, trying to savor the last moments with you, even if they were silent

- not being as slick as he thought, and still making it to the station just before your train was to depart

- “tom-”

- “i just-”

- you both started at the same time, but you decided to give him a sad smile and a nod, a gesture for him to continue

- he cleared his throat

- “y/n, i just wanted to say- i” he faltered, running his fingers through his hair, making him look much younger, more relaxed, the soft hair not as dramatic as the look of the soldier you had come to know after the war

- you could tell he was trying his best to apologize, so you nodded. he didn’t have to say it for it to be heard, even if his prior words still lingered in the air

- “tom, i'm leaving. i'm getting on this train and going to camden town to stay with my aunt, because i know when i’m not wanted, tom, and no matter how i may feel about you- or how i have felt about you, i need to go.”

- he stared at you as if he were looking at a dainty sculpture in a museum

- the thought almost enough to make you smile

- tommy shelby would never take the time to go and smell the roses, or notice what was really wrong

- the development of his selfishness was heartbreaking, but also admirable with his ambition and dreams for his family

- family first, like he always said

- you just weren’t a part of that picture anymore

- so you got on the train without a second glance, and he headed back towards watery lane, feeling the weight of his actions roll onto him, each step more laborious than the last, until he eventually collapsed into his desk at the betting shop

- later that morning everyone opened their letters

- he couldn’t deny the drop of his heart upon not seeing one addressed to him in your delicate print

- but it was all his doing

- something he wouldn’t let himself forget- something his family wouldn’t let him forget, either.

#peaky blinder imagine #tommy shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby #ada shelby #polly gray #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinder fanfic

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emmys-grimoire · 3 years

Text

Lesson 58 analysis + 59 predictions

I expected this lesson to drop tomorrow! It was a pleasant surprise. Sort of.

tl;dr Summary

When we last left our heroes, they were about to be decked by the bogeyman. We get saved, though! And it scampers off into a nearby room. The lesson is then just each brother tagging along with MC as they enter the room and one by one they get scared off, or do damage to the bogeyman.

Asmo’s greatest fear is just an uglier version of himself, which really does not lend any depth or credibility to the theory that he isn’t entirely self-involved. Belphie is frightened of a particular alarm clock that Satan once got him and possibly the dark (?).

Beelzebub at least gets an illusionary scene change with scary music + animated flame overlay, and his scene involves him accidentally hitting Belphegor with one of his attacks (bogeyman takes the form of Belphegor). The illusion backdrop is the Celestial Realm, so it’s clearly trying to draw a parellel between what is occurring in the illusion and what happened to Lilith.

Satan gets a similar treatment, only it’s a flaming coliseum and he’s being taunted by angel Lucifer about just being a budget Lucifer. Real Lucifer talks him out of it by pointing out their differences, but I found the things he brings up pretty surface level (he likes music while Satan prefers reading, Satan likes cats while he prefers dogs, etc.)

It seems like Satan’s wrath powers are enough to finally vanquish the bogeyman and everyone breathes a sigh of relief… UNTIL IT COMES BACK for one last round. You guessed it: it’s Lucifer’s turn.

A familiar shard of light appears in the corner of the screen, but Simeon seems to react more to it than Lucifer does. Lucifer tells him to calm down and claims it’s “his” light (spoiler: it’s not), and effortlessly banishes it once and for all. It’s very anti-climatic… because this isn’t the real climax.

Simeon, however, doesn’t recover right away. Or at all, really. We get interrupted when he’s ready to finally tell us (or later, Lucifer) what’s bothering him, so we’re kept in the dark. We receive our last star and celebrate becoming a full fledged sorcerer.

Only Luke has heard a rumor about a three-headed wolf prowling around that he informs us of via text. Guess what’s going to be the real climax?

EDIT: @obey-mes-treasure has a better explanation about Lucy's and Belphie's fears in the comments.

Analysis

Luke’s power

If we needed any confirmation that Luke has great potential, we got it in this lesson. The bogeyman’s powers don’t affect us because Luke’s blessing is still in effect and protecting us. He may be a smol angel, but his power rivals many of the high-ranking angels already. It explains why Michael has taken an interest in him, probably, but you’d think an angel like him would have been ranked already… unless Michael is deliberately refusing to rank him for some reason. Maybe he doesn’t want to train more archangels/soldiers given the three realms seem to be moving towards peace?

It does put Mammon mocking him by suggesting one day he could be a seraphim earlier in the season in a different light, though. Michael might be grooming him to be his heir, or something akin to that. It also explains why he didn’t worry about sending Luke into the Devildom in the first place, in spite of his youth. The kid could handle himself even if he isn’t aware of it.

Figure in the light

Lucifer and Simeon fear the same thing, but Lucifer handled facing whoever it was much better. I think this is probably daddy. The reason why Lucifer was capable of withstanding it is because he was preparing for his stand-off with their father for centuries before he finally rebelled, is my guess.

It could be Michael, but I expect Simeon interacts with him frequently, and he’s already made it pretty clear that he has a cavalier attitude about angering the guy in Season 2. Simeon could fear having to watch Michael and Lucifer fight again, though, if all three of them were close before the Great Celestial War. Can’t imagine that was a fun time for him.

But, if how the Celestial Realm as a whole functions is any indicator, all three of them probably fear Father the most. That fear kept them in line until it didn’t.

This also lends some credibility to the “empty throne” theory that posits Father has been absent for a prolonged period of time for some reason, if it is him.

This is the second time this season that Simeon has expressed these sort of doubts. I think someone is suffering from insecurities and regrets more and more these days, and it seems like associations with the Celestial Realm trigger them. I doubt he’s going to fall – like I’ve said before, he actually seems to enjoy partaking in the standard angel duties – but it is noteworthy. He might have a complicated relationship with Father, too.

The three-headed wolf

This is going to be the actual climax, which is kind of dumb considering it literally was introduced this lesson. Just dropped in there.

I don’t think Cerberus is a wolf, though? He looked more like a hound in his art. Looking up “three headed wolf” on Google gets you Cerberus, though.

Predictions

We’re going to deal with the wolf thing next lesson and then have a rushed season ending or end it on a cliffhanger. It’s going to make a mess of things and we’ll have to tame it, and/or a certain SOMEONE in the Celestial Realm will need to step in to keep collateral damage to a minimum. Still confident he’s showing up in some capacity.

HOPEFULLY we’ll finally get confirmation about the identity of the celestial light person that the bogeyman tried to emulate. But we don’t get that closure in this lesson.

Not sure if this is going exceed Season 1 or Season 2’s quality, though. The ring of light suddenly being introduced at least gave us more insight into Simeon’s character and the telepathic conversation with Michael. Suddenly introducing a new beastie to fight in the second to last lesson of the season seems way too heavy-handed, and I’m not sure it’s at all related to whatever Michael’s plot is.

I guess we’re saving the answer to that question for season 4?

#obey me #obey me!#obey me lesson 58 #obey me lesson 59 #obey me spoilers #obey me lucifer #obey me simeon #obey me michael #obey me luke #obey me cerberus #analysis #obey me season 3

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forbiddensoul562 · 3 years

Text

Contagion

I could have sworn I’d published this, but I found it in my draft folder this morning... So... I apologize that it hasn’t gone through a rigorous editing process, but I hope you enjoy anyway!

Two years ago I sat on a train in Taiwan, headed from Taipei to a small, remote place called (I think) Wufeng. As I sat there, I thought about a post-apocalyptic zombie Meronia fic I’d read somewhere on here. It was very good, but I had no luck tracking it down again, and I thought that was a damn shame.

So, I pulled out my notebook and wrote a test first chapter of my own version during the whole two hour train ride.

It’s not much, and might not have much substance to it. But I’d love to get anyone’s thoughts on it’s start.

Working Title: Contagion

The moment they appeared their existence made national news… The world screeched to a halt, all attention on these things. Humans… turned diseased, feral, or perhaps something else entirely. No one knew for sure where they came from. It was as though one moment the world continued spinning like normal, and in the next… these things began flooding the streets. The initial confusion of news analysts and reporters slowly began to turn to fear. It took only an hour before the first bite was reported... The victim turned, becoming one of the diseased.

That was the moment public fear began to turn to panic, catching like wildfire.

As Near watched, from secluded inside his high tower, he was acutely aware that he was witnessing the turning point of human history.

By the second hour after the first report had hit the news, Near had decided that what he was witnessing was potentially the unravelling of human society. He was a detective… trained to solve the world’s mysteries. But this… There was no training for this, and even if he wanted to act, the pandemic was spreading far too fast.

By hour three Near found himself trying to name these things based on their condition – should he refer to them as the Sick, infected initially by some kind of widespread contagion? The news began to report them as simply ‘undead,’ and while Near understood that such a title effectively, and most simply communicated to the general populace what these things were doing, based on common knowledge from mass media, Near could only roll his eyes at how unoriginal and unfitting the term appeared to be.

At the tenth hour, local news agencies began going off the air as it was too dangerous to stay and try to report. It made sense, they had themselves and their own families to think about. It was in that moment that fear suddenly began to take the place of Near’s previously more pragmatic thoughts. A new, chilling terror of encroaching total isolation the outside world seeped into his bones.

It was then that he decided it best to make the one call of utmost importance in the dying world, before cell towers began to completely fall off the grid.

Rester handed Near the phone and the detective listened to the ringing tone as he pressed it to his ear, an unspoken panic brewing in his center and he couldn’t decide if it was premised in his worry for lines of communication, or something much more morbid. ‘Pick up,’ He mentally pleaded, desperately. ‘Come on, answer your phone…’ Of all the times to be ignored…

But then, as if by command, finally the other end of the phone ceased the repetitive tone, replaced instead with a simple, abrupt, “What?”

“Mello.” A heavy breath was released that Near hadn’t realized he was holding, momentary relief taking its place. “You’ve seen the news?”

[More beneath a ‘keep reading’, just in case Tumblr isn’t showing it...]

There was a brief pause from the other end, and Near felt his heartrate quicken in response. Time was just too precious for delays of any kind. Every second that crucial information wasn’t being conveyed was another second that Near felt his panic increase, worried that the call might drop and he might never get to say what he needed to.

“It’s starting to be chaos here, too.” Mello’s tone was somber, quieter as though speaking any louder would make the events all the more real.

“I see.” Near reached for a strand of hair, though the repetitive twirling sensation was proving to do little to calm his nerves, as it once had. This was just becoming too big of a catastrophe for his simple rituals to pacify his worry. “The world is ending, Mello.”

“Strangely dramatic of you.” The older successor muttered, but was quick to add, “You think I don’t know that?” There was an irritated edge to his tone, yet still Near couldn’t help cracking a small smile at Mello’s underhanded, and perhaps unconscious, implication that they both truly were not above dramatics. Though, perhaps he was reading too far into it, searching for a sliver of normality in a world that was quickly falling crumbling.

“No, of course you would already be aware.” After all, Mello was much more heavily involved in the world, or at least connected to it on a far more personal level than Near was. “No doubt the grid will be going down at some point. Maybe in a few minutes, maybe in a few hours, or days… So to that effect I wanted to contact you first over anyone else.” Near’s motions in his hair stopped, the white strand unravelling around his index finger. His vision and even his attention to the rest of the room seemed to blur as he focused entirely upon his connection to the only other person of importance Near had, in a world that was falling apart. “If things continue as they are, to the best of my ability I plan on attempting to create a safe zone within my tower. Right now it has the resources to survive here for at least a year, but I aim to build on those.”

When Mello said nothing in response, Near continued, rambling still, but this time more to the point, “What is happening right now is far greater than you or I, Mello, and on our own I do not think we will make it long. You lack the resources and I lack the physicality. But together, we-”

“Near, don’t, I’m not-”

“Mello, please.” He could hear the pleading in his words, “Just listen to me a moment.”

This time, the blonde remained quiet on the other end.

“If you can make it from your present location in California to here in New York… I would greatly benefit from whatever you have to offer to survival efforts. Neither of us will make it if we’re split up. This is not like anything else we have ever dealt with, and because of that I don’t think it makes sense to hold onto lingering animosity. Think of your survival.”

Near shook his head. Logic wouldn’t work with Mello… So he added quieter, “I need your help, Mello.”

There was a long silence between them, then, the words and residual antipathy culminating between them into that one moment of silence which seemed to hold all the necessary potential to be both of their ruin, not to mention all the others Near had every intention of trying to help. Everything hinged on this single moment… of being able to put aside disputes, and endless history for a greater good. It had never worked before. Yet this time, Near held his breath.

Finally, “I’ll do what I can.” The words were vague, but of course both successors understood the weight and challenge associated with attempting to travel from one side of the country to the direct opposite in the current collapsing state of things. But if Mello was as willing and able as his words alluded to, then Near was willing to hold his breath a little while longer.

Near nodded, “I look forward to your arrival, then.”

The detective was ready to end the call while he had Mello’s agreement and thus his own sense of hope, but of course Mello broke in before he could, “Yeah, you say that, but you’re not the one having to go out and deal with this shit. It’s a risk, Near. At this rate, who knows what the country will do in response...”

Near could read between the lines: Mello thought he might not make it.

But Near had to stay positive, even if he was feigning it for both of them, now. The thought of being alone to go going through what was shaping up to be the apocalypse was troublesome at best, and truly terrifying at worst. “Getting into and climbing the ranks of the Mafia was a risk, too.”

There was a short, curt chuckle from the other end of the line. “Yeah, well… we’ll see. I’ll try.” The younger successor didn’t like the tone latent in his voice. He didn’t like hearing Mello be anything other than his loud, over-the-top self that exuded confidence. But then, nothing was good about this situation or provided any reason for the blonde to hold onto his normal demeanor… Still, it was jarring and was almost worse than seeing the reports on the news.

But Near forced himself to nod, “Right, I’ll see you soon, then.”

Yet another pause on the other end, followed by a simple, “Yeah.”

In that moment Near found himself reluctant to cut their connection. There were so many things he wanted to say to the blonde successor… just in case this was their last time ever speaking. Years of harbored words flooded his mouth like bile, yet burning his throat with the knowledge that no matter how much he wanted to let it all spill out, Mello wouldn’t stand such talk. Not now. Maybe not ever. Though, perhaps it was better this way. He didn’t want to say anything that might prove a distraction to Mello’s journey across the country to get to him.

So he instead swallowed it all back down, promising himself that he would make time to pour out all of these words to Mello when the older successor made it to him.

He could only bring himself to whisper, “Good luck. Be safe. Please.” It was the closest thing to a prayer Near thought he could ever formulate.

“You too, Near.” Mello said much quieter. “Don’t... let anything happen before I can make it there, alright?”

“I won’t.” He shook his head. “I’ll be here waiting.” With that, he pulled the phone away and hung up.

#fsfics #Death Note #Meronia #MelloxNear #MelloNear

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crowdvscritic · 2 years

Text

round up // MARCH 22

A short summary of this month’s pop culture picks: Cons! True crime! Cacti!

As always, It’s difficult to summarize my miso-mash of recommendations each month, so don’t be surprised when you see Tony Bennett and a magazine memorial below. And with the Oscars finally airing this month, 2021’s film year finally comes to a close. I’m still processing all of the events of the evening, and you don’t to hear anymore talk about THAT moment, so I’ve just got a few more recommendations from the list of nominees for you.

March Crowd-Pleasers

1. Queenpins (2021)

Pals from The Good Place Kristen Bell and Kirby Howell-Baptiste tell a true story about extreme couponing gone wrong! My expectations were low for a Paramount+ original movie, but with a cast also including Paul Walter Hauser, Joel McHale, and Vince Vaughn, I gave it a chance. What a pleasant surprise! If you’re a fan of any of those performers or if you have any interest in true crime stories more bizarre than gruesome, it’s worth a watch. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

2. Uncharted (2022)

Tom Holland and Mark Wahlberg are taking inspiration from Indiana Jones and Jack Sparrow as they search for Ferdinand Magellan’s lost treasure. Secret tunnels, intricate maps, and Antonio Banderas hamming it up as the villain make it one of the most fun big screen outings I’ve had in awhile. Don’t think too hard about plot holes—just sit back and enjoy the adventure. Crowd: 9.5/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

3. The Prestige (2006)

Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman are rival magicians battling through years of long cons! David Bowie(?!), Michael Caine, Rebecca Hall, Scarlett Johansson, Piper Perabo, and Andy Serkis get caught up in their schemes, and we get dazzled by the Christopher Nolan trickery. After watching, I naturally had to rank all of Nolan’s major films by Dead Wife Energy on Letterboxd. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 9/10

4. 21 (2008)

If you can get past the Kevin Spacey of it all, 21 is a pretty fun true crime thriller. Jim Sturgess and Kate Bosworth are MIT geniuses making millions counting cards in Vegas. Spacey is their mastermind professor, and Laurence Fishburne is the Vegas bouncer trying to protect the casinos’ cash. I couldn’t keep up with all their Blackjack hijinks, but we can all connect with a story about struggling college students. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

5. Desert Botanical Garden (Phoenix, AZ)

I usually highlight cultural experiences around the arts, but if there’s anything that’s going to make me branch out, it’s a garden full of cacti. I made my first trip to the Southwest this month, and the landscapes lived up to my hopes and dreams after traipsing so many Western movies the last few years. (John Ford knew what was up.) You can find Chihuly glass installations that complement the foliage set up around the Garden, but the one-of-a-kind greenery and butterfly exhibit don’t need any dressing up to make them worth a visit.

6. In Memoriam: Entertainment Weekly + InStyle Print Editions

And now an ode to two publications that helped me figure out a little more about myself.

In the middle school and high school, I became a regular EW.com reader. Almost every day after school, I’d check out the headlines, slideshows, and reviews, eventually steering me from celebrity gossip sites (thrilling to a gossip-fueled sixth grader) to film history, critical thinking about art, and, okay, also some red carpet Best Dressed lists. I started subscribing to the magazine as an adult, and reading it cover-to-cover in the pool on Friday nights was just becoming a pastime.

When I turned 15 in 2007, my mom bought a super-fat September issue of InStyle with Gwen Stefani on the cover. I still have that issue on a shelf, and because I’m a weirdo, I have almost every issue from the decade-plus I’ve subscribed. (Note to self: Ask a therapist about this.) I stayed so long because InStyle never wavered in its commitment to making self-presentation and self-confidence accessible to every woman, its finesse at explaining trends and industry moments to non-insiders, and its incredible fashion photography. I’m not exaggerating when I say InStyle helped me figure out how to dress in high school (I call Middle School my “Fashion Dark Ages,” and you would, too, if you saw pictures), and I literally never skipped articles in the magazine for years to help me get there. At 15, I also discovered my loves for Audrey Hepburn and John Hughes movies, and those pop culture icons and this magazine came at just the right time to help me figure out what makes me come alive. (Note to therapist: There’s something in here that I could pay you thousands of dollars to unpack.)

While both mastheads are continuing online, I’m in denial the only two magazines I subscribe to won’t be showing up in my mailbox next month. Email newsletters and images on Pinterest are not the same as flipping through glossy pages, and I’ll miss them both dearly.

March Critic Picks

1. CODA (2021)

CODA may be an unlikely Oscar contender, but it’s no surprise it��s a fan favorite. Read my Crowd and Critic reviews in my latest installment of my Best Picture Project.

2. Licorice Pizza (2021)

On paper, this movie is not for me, which is why I didn’t rush to check it out. Sometimes I love it when I’m wrong! As a longtime HAIM fan, I loved seeing Alana in a role as complex and alive as this one, and the soundtrack is the best argument I should give ‘70s music and fashion another evaluation. (Sorry not sorry, but it’s not usually my thing.) If you have trouble believing this movie is a feel-good vibe start-to-finish, remember we live in a world where The Graduate, Harold and Maude and Lost in Translation are bona fide classics and the mostly innocent relationship in Licorice Pizza is less concerning than any of those May-December relationships. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 10/10

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3. One Last Time: An Evening with Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga (2021)

I raved about this duo’s latest album, and this broadcast performance at Radio City Music Hall is additional proof they are some of the GOATs.

4. Gun Crazy (1950)

It’s not Bonnie and Clyde, but it’s basically Bonnie and Clyde. Tense, tragic, and romantic all at once, Peggy Cummins and John Dall are killer as a pair of killers, and baby Russ Tamblyn makes an appearance, too. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9/10

5. Good Reads

The reads I spent the most time with this month, including musings on Hollywood (duh), how we talk about controversial topics, and the further-developing #MeToo conversation.

“All 18 Best Picture Nominees Directed by Women in Oscars History,” variety.com (2022)

“The Things I’m Afraid to Write About,” TheAtlantic.com (2022)

“Sexual Harassment Went Unchecked at Christianity Today,” ChristianityToday.com (2022)

“Opinion: Consent is Not Enough. We Need a New Sexual Ethic,” WashingtonPost.com (2022)

“The 100 Greatest Movies of the 1980s,” RollingStone.com (2022)

“John Carter Changed Hollywood, but Not in the Way Disney Hoped,” HollywoodReport.com (2022)

6. Musical Instrument Museum (Phoenix, AZ)

In one room, you can see guitars Elvis and Johnny Cash played. In another (and another and another), you can see instruments from literally every instrument in the world. Speaking of Tony Bennett, the cafe has a quote on the wall from Tony Bennett calling this his favorite museum, but you don’t have to be as musical as him to find it impressive.

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7. The Oscars

I chatted with ZekeFilm editor-in-chief Jim Tudor about our Oscars predictions and expectations in the latest episode of ZekeTalk—as you may have guessed we did not see THAT moment coming. I’m not pretending everything about this telecast would’ve worked even without it, but there were a still highlights worth catching:

Beyoncé’s performance of “Be Alive”

Troy Kotsur wins Best Supporting Actor

The Oscars Celebrates the 60th Anniversary of James Bond - I love a good montage!

CODA accepts the Oscar for Best Picture

Also this March…

Still not ready to stop move on from this year’s Oscar nominees? Me either. I just wrote about Being the Ricardos and West Side Story for ZekeFilm.

Also at ZekeFilm this month, we watched and wrote about major movies we missed from the 1910s. I checked out D.W. Griffith’s Intolerance, and, boy, was it looooong.

Button up your uniform and step into your dancing shoes! On SO IT’S A SHOW?, Kyla checked out Rory’s inspiration for a DAR event, the Hollywood Canteen. We watched the star-studded movie that promoted it, and then we looked into the other movie we mixed it up with, how Hollywood A-listers supported the war effort during World War II, and whether Rory’s idea was a hit. Spoiler: When the Andrews Sisters show up to sing, it’s a piperoo!

Photo credits: Good reads. InStyle and Museums my own. All others IMDb.com.

#Round Up #Queenpins #Uncharted #CODA #The Prestige #21 #Desert Botanical Garden #Musical Instrument Museum #Gun Crazy #Entertainment Weekly #InStyle #Licorice Pizza #Tony Bennett #lady gaga #Oscars #Academy Awards

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luvdsc · 4 years

Note

would you mind doing a description of each member of nct dream? you don’t have to cuz that’s lowkey a lot BUT i figured i’d ask since i’m trying to write something and get their personalities right. i really admire your work!! have a nice day, babes!!!

yes, of course, lovebug 💕 I’ll be rewording the analyses from the asks about my ideal type and adding to them, so it might be a bit familiar! I could’ve written more, but I had to stop because I reached max length for each paragraph 😅 I hope these are helpful to you, and thank you so much for liking my work, honey bee!!! 💛 best of luck with your writing, and I hope you have a good day, too! 🌼 also, I’m on mobile and I’m so sorry for all the scrolling! I’ll add a read more when I get on my laptop ✨ edit: the read more has been added :’)

MARK :: oh, where do i start with mister absolutely fully capable? mark is the definition of adorkable. if you look up that word in the dictionary, you’re gonna see his picture pasted right under it. he’s endearing and awkward, and he tries his best in everything and puts his best foot forward, giving 110% in whatever he does. he’s a hard worker and a good boy. he laughs at that’s what she said jokes, and he’s the type of person to think of a funny joke from three days ago and start laughing at the most inappropriate time, like in the middle of standard testing. he’ll say things he thinks are funny, like “five guys hello guys” or that long sentence about possibilities and immediately look to you with those wide doe eyes, seeking a positive reaction from you and hoping you’ll laugh. he’ll try to wink at you randomly sometimes, but he always fails and just ends up blinking, which will make you laugh and call him cute and have him scrunching up his nose because that’s not what he intended to happen and he’ll be really flustered at the compliment. he’s really sweet, and I think taeil called him the most romantic? however, I feel like having a relationship isn’t a high priority for him right now. he seems to have workaholic tendencies, which could frustrate his s/o. he would need to have someone that understands his work and music is the most important to him, and he might unintentionally neglect checking up with his s/o at times. he’s a little shy and introverted, so it might be hard for him to make a first move if you aren’t friends at first. he’ll write dozens upon dozens of songs about you. that’s the way he’ll express his affection because he’s too shy to in the beginning and music is what he’s good at. there will be lots of late nights with him strumming his guitar and you sitting next to him, reading a book or playing a game on your phone, and he’ll call your name and you look up before he nervously starts to play a new song that he’s written for you. and at the end of the song, he’ll glance up at you really quickly before looking back down at his guitar, and you’re going to have to go over to him and take his face into your hands softly and tell him his song was amazing and you love it as much as you love him. and he’ll smile so big as his glasses slide down his nose before he quickly leans up and presses the softest kiss against your mouth to show you his appreciation before he loses courage to do so. sometimes you steal those round rimmed glasses of his and try them on yourself, and mark has to cover his face and look away and wring his hands and he makes those little oi mark noises because you look so cute and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. on the other hand, mark is also very stubborn. it may not look like that, but if you notice the relationship between him and hyuck, hyuck is always the one giving in at the end. mark will absolutely not do something if he doesn’t want to do it. I do think he will go after something if he wants it, but he will hesitate slightly at first. he follows the rules a bit too much. he doesn’t seem to be the most fun person to party with either unless you get him to drink a beer because he’s a lightweight, but that also means you have to take care of him afterwards. also, he said in an interview that he doesn’t like rollercoasters or fast rides, but he enjoys the cotton candy at amusement parks lol but he did go on those rides in the end, but his head was down the entire time rip. mark gets easily embarrassed. it’s like in that video where they read tweets aloud and mark got super embarrassed when jaehyun read this tweet that gushed about his laugh, and mark just curled up into himself and couldn’t lift his head up and awkwardly laughed. he’s adorkable. please tease him and hype him up in this very same way just to get this cute reaction out of him.

RENJUN :: renjun is the one you can call when you have a body to bury and he’ll show up with the shovel. he’ll call you a stupid idiot, but he’ll still show up to help you. he’s the type that would come over at 3 a.m. if there’s a bug in your apartment and squash it for you after much complaining and telling you that he won’t do it. he’s fiercely loyal and caring. he took care of chenle when chenle wasn’t as proficient with korean and made sure he was doing ok and was always ready to translate for him whenever. he puts up a tough, ready to fight front, but he’s a scaredy cat and if you pretend to be a ghost (read: jisung), he’ll be scared shitless. you can see him get scared and hide behind jeno and hug him so hard when the zombie jumped out in one of those save dream interactive videos. he’s the person you can banter with and he understands dry humor and sarcasm, and I think he’s best for e2l story plot lines because of this lmao but he also fits the best friend role well. he will roast anyone with no mercy with just a few words. he’s artistic. he’s super good at art and has shared several of his beautiful digital drawings before. he’s the person to go to when you want to have long, serious talks at 4 in the morning, and as seen through his radio show, he will try his best to give you advice, even if he may not be experienced enough, but he is trying his hardest to help. if you read some of the advice he gives on his radio show, you can get a better sense of who he is as a person. he’s really insightful and puts a lot of effort into giving the best answer he can. also, he really reminds me of a little brother or someone I want to be best friends with because we can roast people together or talk about paranormal stuff. he just seems really fun to mess around with because he gives funny reactions. he gives off that younger sibling vibe where only your big sister can make fun of you, but once she sees someone else doing it, it’s not ok and she’s gonna go after that person for making her lil bro cry. in a relationship, he wants someone he can trust with his thoughts and interests, such as aliens, and while his s/o may not believe in them, he wants them to genuinely listen to him and not just brush it off. however, he will still roast his s/o into oblivion. it’s how he shows his affection lol. he’ll call you an idiot and cute all in the same sentence. but he’s really a soft and sensitive boy underneath his snappy, sarcastic exterior. he cried when they won first place for the first time. i’m sure he cried when ridin’ reached number one on the charts. he’s attentive and likes affection even though he tries to say he doesn’t. in that one weekly idol dreamie episode, hyuck listed who hated affection, and he wasn’t one of them. he’s a good boy, and underneath all his snarky comments, he wants to be loved and cared for. you can see how he got a lil huffy when jisung chose chenle as his favorite hyung lol he doesn’t express his feelings outwardly as much, but if you’re his s/o, he will quietly adore you in his own way while outwardly being that one snarky couple who banters all the time. he’ll draw pictures of you, secretly have you as his homescreen, or have a secret photo album on his phone of just pictures of you. he’ll complain if you get him a couple item, like a bracelet, but he’ll wear it 24/7 and refuse to give it back to you. he will absolutely lose his shit if he misplaces it. he’ll cook for you if you ask, but he’ll make a big show about fake complaining about it beforehand. I think he’s okay with hand holding and kisses here and there, but he won’t do grand gestures of pda because he thinks those should be more private and between the two of you. he thinks pet names are sappy as heck, and he’ll get terribly embarrassed if you call him one but he’d be like “that’s so gross and corny... but call me that again.” honestly, just tell him ily and his cheeks will turn so red and he’ll bury his face in his hands but he’ll say it back in the quietest voice and he truly does mean it with his whole chest.

JENO :: jeno is someone who fits in so many roles. his character is versatile in a sense. you can make him into a bad boy, the boy next door, your best friend, anybody. his humor is underrated, and he makes funny puns. he’s good at sarcasm and wit, like when he asked jisung if he thought jaemin’s iq was single digits or when the instructor complimented him and said his rap sounded like mark and he was like “oh.... that’s not good.” he worries about being funny. he mentioned losing sleep over it in weekly idol, so please tell him he’s funny and laugh at his jokes ): he really is funny, and i love his humor. jeno is really smart. he managed to rank 4th or something I believe in his school after cram studying the day before. he’s really self-assured and confident in himself, but he doesn’t show off or act cocky, yet you can sense the quiet confidence in him. he’s humble and works hard and deserves more credit than he’s given. he possesses leadership qualities and is a source of strength for other members. i think they said he was one of the cleaner members and when he’s drunk, he cleans LMAO he is into sports and gymming, especially biking. hyuck said that jeno’s bedroom has his and jaemin’s bikes hanging on the walls lol he also is really competitive, but not a sore loser type. jeno doesn’t strike me as the type who needs his s/o around 24/7 and prefers to have hobbies and space separate from his s/o. he’s laid back, but at the same time, still energetic and fun to be around. he’s still weird, but not over the top weird. jeno is insightful and kind, and he has stated that he’s very shy and timid before. doyoung likes him the most because he’s kind and respectful and takes into account other people’s feelings and listens well. he’s a good boy. he’s also really playful and teasing and plays well with others, like jisung jokes around with him all the time. I feel like jisung jokes around with him the most out of all his hyungs aside from chenle because jeno doesn’t get mad. i believe the members say he’s the only one aside from chenle who doesn’t get mad when someone messes up in dance practices. he cries when he gets angry. jeno is also really affectionate. he enjoys cuddling and holding hands and back hugs and whatnot, but he doesn’t overdo it. it takes a long time for him to trust and open up to someone, and you’re a very lucky person if he lets you see this side of him. he won’t force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. If something is bothering you, he won’t pry at first if you refuse to talk about it, but I do think he will eventually make you talk if he feels something is terribly wrong or if it’s affecting the relationship. jeno is driven and knows what he wants. he’ll give you space, but if you’re not what he’s looking for or if you don’t put the effort in as well and won’t open up to him, I do think he will move on. he might bottle up his emotions at first, but as the relationship progresses, he’ll be fully open to you and tell you everything. I don’t think he’ll be terribly affected if he’s rejected because he is confident in himself and able to brush it off. he knows his self-worth. oh, and he loves animals. obviously, jeno loves his cats because he has them even when he’s allergic. he’s the type of s/o who, if you mention you’re walking back to your dorm late at night after staying in the art building to finish your painting, he’ll show up with messy hair and his glasses in his sweats with a hoodie thrown on haphazardly and walk you back safely even without you asking. kiss him on his nose at random times just because you love him, and he’ll make that jeno trademark noise of confusion before giving you the prettiest eye smile that makes the moon dim in shame and nuzzling his face into your shoulder shyly. call him jeno darling or jeno love if you want to see the same reaction as before. it’s gonna be a total KO to his heart if you call him that and boop him on the nose with the softest kiss. anyway, jeno is the bestest boy in the entire universe, and give him all your love, please and thank you.

HAECHAN :: hyuck is so fucking talented. he’s good at everything: singing, dancing, rapping, variety shows, you name it. he was born to be an idol. he’s the golden one and excels at everything. he’s an ace, and he knows it. yeah, he’s cocky and brags about everything he does, but he actually has evidence and proof to back it up. plus, no one can stay mad at him for very long because have you seen how cute he is?? he’s a brat, but you still love him anyway. he’s good at sweet talking and getting what he wants. he plays a push and pull game, and you end up falling for him in the end. i know in fics on here, you often see jaemin in the playboy/fuckboy persona, but I think hyuck absolutely exudes this persona. he is able to read the room or a person and knows the exact way to act in order to get the reaction he wants. it’s hyuck’s world, and we’re all just living in it. he can have all of us eating out of the palm of his hand if he desires. i think he truly embodies the traits of a slytherin: ambitious and cunning. it’s every man for himself, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get what he believes he deserves and plays by his own rules. hyuck is so smart and intelligent, both in terms of brains and emotion. he’s absolutely brilliant, and he’s the type of person to ace an exam without even studying for it. I think he did very well in school, and he also beat doyoung in mental maths when they had a competition on weekly idol lol and he’s also street smart. there’s a reason why doyoung and taeil are scared of him and why they prefer to be on his team than against him lmao. I think hyuck is also a people pleaser though. he wants to be liked, and it’ll drive him crazy if someone calls him boring or shows no interest towards him. I think he’ll want a s/o who plays the push and pull game with him. he’ll playfully tease them a lot, and they’ll have to be interesting and able to dazzle him with their own wit and sarcasm. he, like renjun, is snarky and sarcastic. he likes to make people laugh and enjoys being the center of attention. he is super affectionate and rivals jaemin in this aspect. he thrives off of physical touches, hugs, cuddles, etc. he likes to cuddle when he sleeps, and I feel like he enjoys being the little spoon. he isn’t afraid of pda and will show off his s/o to the world with a loud kiss or back hug anywhere. he’s the type who would do that back pocket spin peter does to lara jean lmao. the two of you can laze around at home, while he plays video games on his computer and you can sit in his lap and he’ll do that thing where his arms are around you and his chin is on your shoulder. he’s a good cook, and he’ll cook for you, but he expects you to pay him back in kisses. his s/o might think he doesn’t pay attention to what they’re saying to him, but he does. he absolutely adores his s/o and remembers everything about them. he’s the type to surprise his s/o with their favorite flowers on a random day, and his s/o would’ve thought he wasn’t paying attention when they told him their favorite flower months ago. and please, please, please surprise him with flowers too because that will catch him off guard and you’ll see him blush and get flustered for once. it’s like when the dreamies first debuted, and chenle said hyuck was the best singer and he wanted to be like hyuck, and hyuck got really quiet and shy and flustered about it. however, he’d get really shy around his crush if they weren’t friends first. there’s that video of him returning something that twice’s mono dropped I think and he was so nervous before and afterwards. or there’s that time when he handed flowers to seungwoo and got so flustered as the dreamies teased him afterwards. also, I feel like sometimes people forget that so much hard work goes into what he does because he makes it look so effortless. hyuck works so hard in everything and puts his all into what he does. anyway, please appreciate hyuck and love him lots. he deserves to be showered in love and affection.

JAEMIN :: jaemin is like jeno in the sense that his character is also super versatile. you can make him fit any type of persona for your fic. jaemin is a sweetheart. his entire existence is love. hyuck said that he treats his members the same way he treats his fans in an episode of weekly idol before. he’s a really affectionate person as seen in the way he showers jisung with affection. he eats, sleeps, and breathes aegyo. you’re going to experience his aegyo a lot if you’re his s/o, so brace yourself. he even managed to make hyuck flustered when he kissed him in that recent reload era game video. he has a lot of love to give out, but he also wants the same amount of love in return. you can see how he craves for love from jisung in return and the way he gets a little upset when he doesn’t get it, like when jisung didn’t call him his favorite hyung. his s/o needs to be okay with being showered with affection and love, and they have to do the same for him. call him cute pet names, give him random kisses throughout the day, back hug him while he’s cooking, he will just absolutely glow and bask in your love. jaemin is good at cooking. he will cook for you, and if you cook, he’ll eat what you make with no complaints. it’s like that meme where person A gives person B a drink with salt in it, and person B drinks it all, and when person A asks why they did that even though it was salty, person B says it’s because they didn’t want to hurt person A’s feelings. jaemin is person B. he’ll also make you model for him and pose literally everywhere so he can take pictures of you because you’re the prettiest person in the entire world to him. he’ll make you his lockscreen, homescreen, hang up pictures of you in his room, all that jazz. he’s the one who buys couple items or outfits and makes you wear them with them. his entire Instagram account will be pictures of you or with you. however, he’s also petty af and nags a lot lmao. he complained to jeno when jisung said he wanted to eat bread at 3 a.m. and how he couldn’t go out to buy him any. he also nagged renjun in one of those dream vs dream videos for not having any questions about him, while all his questions were about renjun. or when he was sulking about jeno not knowing his favorite cartoon character. I believe he mentioned having extreme mood swings too where he’s either too quiet or too loud and out there, and as a s/o, you’d have to cater to both sides of him. jaemin is also an introvert. he’s very quiet and shy around strangers, but he’ll unleash his inner weirdness and loudness when he feels comfortable around you, and you’re in for a wild, fun ride. in that video where he and jeno were making cakes, he seems really hyper and wild. same goes for that video where they went out to eat, and jaemin was pouring soda into a glass dramatically. or when they played that dance game where you have to add onto the dance and copy the previous dances, and he added some random flailing motion and complained when someone did it wrong. or when he and renjun were paired up for that guessing game when they both had headphones on, and he started flailing everywhere and getting kinda frustrated at renjun for getting zero right. he’s a bit weird lmao. as his s/o, i hope you go along with his weird antics and have fun with him too! you also have to remind him to take care of himself. make sure he doesn’t drink that ungodly coffee drink of his or eat too much sugar. take care of him, love him, cherish him, and jaemin will be the best boyfriend ever. he might even set up a whole led light display for you at night declaring his love like he did for jeno. actually, no, he definitely will. he’ll do big grand gestures to show his love for you. he’ll fill your house with roses and press kisses to each of your fingertips with a different reason for why he loves you. he’ll continue to list the reasons for why he loves you for every star he sees until he runs out of stars, but he’ll never run out of reasons for loving you.

CHENLE :: chenle was born to be a star. he is so incredibly talented and picks up skills so quickly. it’s evident because he managed to debut after two months of training and he became fluent in korean quickly. he’s humble and gracious, and he’s the embodiment of that miss universe song: he’s beauty, he’s grace. he doesn’t flaunt his wealth, in fact, it only ever comes up because others bring it up. or he accidentally shows it off when he asks what rent means or when he tries to innocently rectify the situation, like when jaemin was like “oh his parents held a concert for him for his bday” and chenle was like “noooo no it was just to make a memory” on idol room lmao. the way he expresses his love is through gift giving. it shows in the way he told mark he’ll buy him anything he wants for his bday or when he gave apple watches to the 00 liners or when he immediately agreed to buy jeno a plane ticket to china to show him around his home. but he’s not trying to flaunt his wealth. this is simply how he shows his love. chenle is laidback and easygoing. he doesn’t care about jisung using honorifics with him, and he’ll go along with whatever’s happening. there’s that one video during mfal era where hyuck and chenle won the prize and hyuck was like “hey I’ll take the prize ok?” and chenle just immediately agrees and doesn’t care at all. but don’t get me wrong, chenle is super competitive. he wants to win, but it’s more about that feeling you get when you’re the winner, rather than the actual prize for him. he’s really into sports, specifically basketball, so i feel like he’d enjoy it if his s/o expressed some sort of interest in it with him. they don’t have to play basketball with him, but he’d appreciate it greatly if they listened to him talk about stephen curry or cheer him on from the sidelines. he’s affectionate. if you read my renjun description, chenle is the other one that hyuck said doesn’t mind affection from the other members on weekly idol. I don’t see him showing affection blatantly as much like hyuck and jaemin, but I think he loves receiving it. chenle obviously receives so much love from his family and is super close to them. he will love his s/o with his whole heart, and I hope his s/o will love him back just as much. also, I’m pretty sure he’ll love his s/o acting cute because his heart rate spiked up when jisung did aegyo on idol room lmao. I think he’s the only other extrovert in the dreamies, besides hyuck. I believe someone asked jaemin or skz hyunjin if they got close after the collab stage, and they said that they were really awkward with each other. however, skz felix and chenle became good friends! chenle is friendly and a people person. he thrives in social settings, and he’s a social butterfly. he’ll help people out of their shells and make sure to include them in conversations. he’s the type of person who would clear his throat and be like “hey y/n has something to say” if you tried to say something in a group convo and weren’t heard. he’s fine with being the center of attention, but he doesn’t actively seek out that position, like hyuck does. unlike hyuck, he’s not a people pleaser. I think he’s confident in himself, and he’s self assured and satisfied with who he is, so he doesn’t really care what others think of him. chenle is really playful. he likes to tease the other members and wreak harmless havoc lol you can see how he plays around with the other members, like in nct life where he just throws snow at jisung or scares jisung with a rubber chicken when they went to an amusement park in shanghai. he’s a thrill seeker. he loves roller coasters, shooting games, laser tag, etc. he gets excited over the littlest things, and he’s a naturally cheerful person who lights up the room and just naturally has people gravitate towards him. however, he has his serious moments too, and I can see him sitting next to his s/o behind the piano and playing something for them. but then, he’ll probably ruin the soft moment by slamming his hands down on the keys and scaring them at the end.

JISUNG :: jisung reminds me of high school puppy love. he’s curious about the world and introspective. he asked the fans to send him pictures of the moon because he couldn’t see it himself. I think he has a lot of deep thoughts and keeps them to himself because he’s introverted and nervous about sharing them aloud in case he’s not taken seriously as the youngest. he’s inquisitive and sweet, and he’s the culmination of everything good in the universe. he’s the one whom renjun talks to about aliens and paranormal things, and I believe he’ll want a s/o who will take him seriously on these things and listens to his concerns without teasing or making fun of him for believing in them. jisung is shy and gets embarrassed when he’s given compliments. there’s this video where the dreamies read compliments from fans aloud, and you can see how flustered and shy he gets as he ducks his head, has to pause and cover his face before playing with his hair as he reads through the compliments with the biggest smile peeking on his face. I think this is the cutest thing ever, and at the beginning of the relationship, if his s/o compliments him or does something cute, he’s going to react exactly like that. tell him his dancing is amazing, watch his fancams around him, tell him his face is nice to look at, etc. and you’ll see him get reduced to a flustered, blushing mess. the first time he sees you wearing one of his sweaters with the sleeves covering your hands and giving you sweater paws, he will combust and stutter and not be able to look at you as his cheeks turn red. he might just suffer a heart attack if you decide to casually call him a cute pet name one day. additionally, jisung is at that age where he wants to know what others think of him and he wants to be liked. I think this is the reason why he’s more hesitant about speaking up or voicing himself in an unfamiliar environment because he doesn’t want to give off a negative image. he’s also painfully shy, but he wants to make friends, which he explains on dancing high. because of this, he truly cherishes any friendship or relationship he has because it’s seen as something incredibly special to him. as his s/o, you’re gonna mean the world to him and he will value your opinion greatly. once he’s comfortable around you, he’ll be loud and talkative. jeno says that jisung talks the most at the dorm and he’s never quiet. jisung is also a lil shit lol, and he knows how to get out of things, like cleaning up after dinner by locking himself in the bathroom. he’s also a little lazy and probably not the cleanest tbh. he sleeps in jaemin’s bed or in the living room because he’s too lazy to go to his top bunk. he doesn’t listen to his hyungs and talks down to them in a playful way because he knows they’re whipped for him lmao. when the relationship progresses, jisung is going to act in the same, exact way with you. he’s a savage, and he will roast you in the same way he roasts his hyungs, like when hyuck wanted to go to LA with him for why not the dancer and he was like “you have to be good at dancing to go” (which btw, fight me, jisung, hyuck is literally the best dancer). he’ll tease you, hide items on the tallest shelf just so that you’ll call him for help, and smush your cheeks and call you cute. he’ll ruffle your hair and run up behind you and sweep you off your feet princess style just to scare you before carefully placing you back down or tossing you into the pool lol he may have complained about carrying renjun in that reload era game video, but he’ll give you piggy backs when you’re tired or carry you around if you asked. he likes playing video games and those block breaker game apps and when he loses, he’ll sit there and pout without realizing it. he does that little nose scrunch unknowingly, and it’s the cutest. he’ll like dates at home the best. he sucks at cooking, but he’ll try to do it for you. but it’ll end up with you cooking while he back hugs you, and you have to walk around the kitchen with him being a koala attached to you as you feed him bits of the food being made.

#asks #anonymous

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we-are-colleagues · 4 years

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Villanelle - Character Analysis: Power & Growth:

Villanelle doesn’t kill without reason.

This season has put a spotlight on her motivations, that can be traced back to S1. Villanelle kills for power and for Control. She’s not some Ted Bundy who kills to get her rocks off. It’s the power that she craves (and she gets off on). The changes we are seeing in Villanelle in the recent episodes are a product of this core drive and motivation being challenged.

In S3, we hear Villanelle vocalise this connection. A lot. She names the scent she confronts Eve in "Power". She purses her family because she believes the knowledge – the truth – will make her more powerful. She agrees to work for the Twelve again because she is promised power.

The key to changes we are seeing unfold in Villanelle is due to them unpicking the driving force behind her actions. In her mind killing and violence has always granted her power and control. It’s a link her upbringing cemented in her and that The Twelve have fostered ever since.

The Evolution of Her Kills

The first kill we ever see on screen is bone-chilling (The Hairpin). She absolutely delights in the kill. It’s like she drains the life force out of him as he falls to his knees before her. She feels powerful watching him die.

But even in S2, her glee is diminished. I think immediately of the pig kill. Konstantin is distracting her in Amsterdam with this job. She’s killing for a scorned wife, hardly the world-changing targets she’s used to. She’s bored the whole episode and missing Eve. She has to dress the kill up to intrigue herself and to get Eve’s attention. To Konstantin, afterwards, she remarks, ‘It didn’t feel like anything’. That thrill from S1 is absent. She didn’t feel powerful killing this man and the experience pales incomparison to what Eve makes her feel.

In general, as of S2 there is no more looking into people’s eyes as she kills them. The last time she really felt the power she chases was when she killed Aaron Peel and it turned out Carolyn was using her. Then, of course, when she watched Eve kill Raymond, where she was the one controlling Eve and seemingly, getting everything she wanted.

The kills in S3 ramp up this contrast to S1. Her spice kill lacks her usual flamboyance, she’s more interested in posing the body and challenging Dasha than the kill. She wants to prove she’s better, more powerful. Her garden kill is almost merciful. She takes more joy in playing with the woman than killing her.

Villanelle is motivated this season not so much by the power she feels from each kill, but the power promised to her by Dasha and The Twelve if she makes it to the rank of Keeper.

Her Relationship With Eve

This hardwired understanding is challenged when she attempting to kill Eve and their connection. Let’s dive into why she shot Eve, framed through this understanding of why Villanelle kills.

Villanelle’s perception of love is also skewered around control. Villanelle tries to narrow Eve’s world and her options to just running away with her to Alaska. When Eve realises she’s been manipulated, Eve acknowledges how they are alike by chooses to walk away anyway.

Villanelle has just borne her soul to Eve, made herself vulnerable by telling Eve that she loves her and she’s shut down. Completely. As soon as that happens Villanelle feels like she’s lost control of this situation, of Eve, of herself and she shots. It purely an attempt to regain some control and power, as killing and violence have always been for her.

Villanelle believes Eve is dead and six months later she is talking about her on her wedding day. When she finds out Eve is alive, she can’t pretend that she was in control of their connection or had gotten over Eve. That is why she makes such a show of her power to Eve as if to say “it doesn’t matter that you didn’t die, I’m more powerful than ever now”. She dresses in a men’s suit, wears the perfume Power and invades Eve’s life on her commute to work. Even physically she takes control of Eve. But it doesn’t mean anything in the end. Eve has just as much if not more power than Villanelle in that scene. She has the power to give Villanelle what she really wants.

(Look I was gonna put a quote here from Sandra Oh about Villanelle being physically stronger than Eve in the bus scene but she still never hurting her. And that it demonstrates how Eve’s power over Villanelle’s psyche continues to grow. I can’t find it anywhere so like let me know if you know what I’m talking about. I swear it exists.)

UPDATE (edit): I found it.

"Villanelle at all times can physically overpower Eve, but what grows is Eve's influence on Villanelle's psyche. Which is like [Villanelle] won't, even though she can" X

Villanelle entire relationship with Eve is a push and pull of power where Eve maintains her power without violence (aside from the stabbing in S1). In the bus scene, it is won through an act of affection, or omission that she feels similarly about Villanelle.

Her Mother

What trying to kill Eve started, killing her mother finished.

Villanelle thinks killing her mother will give her control, give her power over herself. Literally serve as a way to kill her demons. However, I think Jodie put it best in this interview:

“You can see the regret that she is already feeling but feels she has to go through with it — because I think she feels it’s the only way she feels she can fully kill her past and the woman that she was,” Comer says. “But actually in some ways, it’s like she kills Villanelle; it’s Oksana who is her true self and who she can’t get away from. So I think actually by doing what she has done, it has the complete opposite effect of what she was hoping for. For me now, at this point, I think Villanelle is her own worst enemy, and she’s coming to the realization that that may have been the case all along.” x

If we compare her killing Tatiana to say her first kill. The choice to not show her killing her mother cannot be ignored. It’s like even Villanelle doesn’t want to look at it:

“Villanelle has always looked into the eyes of those she’s killed, and in one draft the kill was actually [depicted], and I was like, ‘Maybe she can’t look at her; maybe she has to cover her mother’s face. This isn’t as easy as she thinks,'” Comer tells Variety. “I think Villanelle’s having a real identity crisis after the events of Episode 5.”

Villanelle doesn’t expect it to but killing her mother wounds her. Robs her of some of her power and makes her lose control.

S3 pulled off what could have been a disastrous dive into Villanelle’s past. You are encouraged to understand Villanelle was always like this. Probably would have always been. But we are also meant to see her mother’s influence, especially on her understanding of power and control and why she would be so fixation on obtaining it after being under her mother thumb.

We see Tatiana’s influence affecting her brothers lives as well. Pyotr stays there simply because he is told to. He has his own anger issues which he takes out on a couch. Pyotr attempts to control that side of himself, while Villanelle has always lent into it. She even suggests he just take it out on people instead, it will make him feel better. She doesn’t understand the need or benefit in controlling her own darkness.

In many of the scenes where Villanelle speaks to others about her mother, she mentions her mother’s covert and overt attempts to control all of them. Villanelle hopes that killing her mother might finally free her, give her back control. But in a echo of her advice to Pyotr taking it out on her mother doesn’t make her feel any better.

Dasha

My assessment of Dasha’s role in this season has change from 3x01. She was quite impressive in the first ep. She looked dangerous, which she is, but having spent more time with her and seen how Villanelle easily copied her signature kill, how she messed up killing Niko and how she lost at bowling to Eve. It’s clear she’s a washed up has-been assassin. I think in a way she is meant to make Villanelle consider the future available to her in this kind of life.

Dasha is one of the few assassins that makes it to old age. Villanelle is too confident to consider she would die doing this job. That said, I don’t think she’s given much thought to her future, especially not one without Eve.

Dasha is our glimpse at it. A woman, who when she should be retired, rich, and happy is still playing this game. She can’t even return home. Whatever power Dasha wield doesn’t grant her what she wants. Her legacy and her status have earnt her little. She is still taking orders from the same people. This must surely motivate Villanelle’s ascent through the ranks of The Twelve. Villanelle is after power and Dasha is dwarfed by the likes of Hélène

Keeper, but not a keeper

This brings us to 3x06. Villanelle is finally made a Keeper, the job description isn’t as lavish as she hoped. They offer her more money, more material possession but send her on the same old missions. Where is the power she was promised? It is here where she finally gets a whiff of how much The Twelve are truly controlling her.

I think this is why the Hairdresser kill goes so poorly. To kill this man is almost a forfeit of her power, to knowingly do it when she is being control. She knows she’s been fooled. It must be driving her crazy. Cause this is bullshit. For the first time she feels like a pawn working for The Twelve rather than powerful.

She’s just killed her mother. She’s head deep in her childhood trauma, that is all centred around being used and controlled. This insult from The Twelve hits different. Killing no longer offers what she always sought from it. The strings are pulling loose on what makes Villanelle, Villanelle. Talk about an identity crisis.

It’s all quite raw, she’s changing before our eyes, I doubt we will see this weepy emotional Villanelle forever. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this unlinking of power and control with killing suddenly make Villanelle a saint. Not a single part of her felt bad for the man she killed, she just didn’t want to do it.

It might lead Villanelle to ask whether she has ever been in control of her own darkness. We talk so much about Eve letting go, perhaps, on the other side of that Villanelle needs to take control and realise she is her own worst enemy sometimes.

In the same episode, Villanelle falls apart we see Eve wield her own power and darkness without violence, even though we know she’s capable of it. We are watching Eve reach an equilibrium with her darkness while Villanelle is seesawing.

In summary, this season has reinforced and emphasised why Villanelle does what she does – for power and control - and then gone on to challenge her understanding of it completely. It’s given Villanelle room to grow and change.

I think it’s so interesting, if you can’t tell from reading this whole thing. I always thought the show would be too scared to change Villanelle so drastically, though some change is definitely necessary, especially for her and Eve to have anything stable. I thought the show relied too heavily on Villanelle pulling of a hit every episode to tamper with her drive to kill. But it’s delicious and opens up a world of possibility. This doesn’t mean we’ll get soft Villanelle anytime soon but maybe a more calculated Villanelle, whose interests better align with Eve’s.

#killing eve #ke character analysis #at least thats my take #killing eve spoilers #ke spoilers #im as shook as you an analysis on this blog? who knew

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cctinsleybaxter · 3 years

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2020 in books

2020 was a year of changed reading habits; people reading more than ever or not at all, some changing their tastes and others turning to old comforts. While there weren’t any huge overhauls on my end, more free time did mean a total of 32 in a wider range of genres. In the past couple of years I found a lot of the things I read to be kind of middling and ranked them accordingly, but this year had some strong contenders in the mix. With college officially behind me I love nonfiction again, and I really need to stop being drawn in by novels with long titles that ‘sound interesting.’ A piece of advice to my future self: they will only make you angry.

The Good

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky I loved the BBC radio play when I first listened to it back in 2017, but didn’t know if I could stomach the idea of actually reading the 700-page book, especially since I already knew the plot (spoiler alert: this had no effect and I gasped multiple times despite knowing what was going to happen; Fyodor’s just that good at atmosphere.) The story follows Prince Lev Myshkin, a goodhearted but troubled man entering 1860s Petersburg high society and meeting all of the wretched people therein as he navigates life, laughs, love, unanswerable questions of faith, and human suffering. I care about it in the same way I think other people care about reality TV shows and soap operas. I’m so personally invested in the drama and feel so many different emotions directed at these clowns that it’s like being a fan of Invitation to Love (with an ending equally upsetting to that of the show ITL is from, Twin Peaks.)

Salt: A World History by Mark Kurlanksy I adored this book. The first half reads a little like a Wikipedia article, and I was worried that it was leaning too clinical and would be disaffected with colonialism and indigenous peoples, but even that oversight is corrected for as the text goes on. It’s not going to be for everybody because it really is just the world’s longest encyclopedia entry on, well, salt, but it’s written with such excitement for the topic and is so well-researched and styled for commercial nonfiction that I think it deserves any and all praise it’s gotten. We have to talk about that time Cheshire was literally sinking into the ground, and companies who were over-pumping brine water to steal each other’s brine water said ‘no it’s okay it’s supposed to that’ so were legally dismissed as suspects.

Midnight Cowboy by James Leo Herlihy Cried. 10/10. The plot of Midnight Cowboy is very classic and actually has a lot in common with The Idiot, as 20-something Joe Buck moves from the American Southwest to NYC and meets myriad challenges as a sex worker. I’ve been obsessed with the movie for a few years now and the book made me appreciate it anew; I think it’s rare for an adaptation to take the risk of being so different from its source material while still capturing its spirit. The movie doesn’t include quieter moments like the full conversation with Towny or time spent in the X-flat, nor does it attempt to touch Joe’s internal monologue or his and Rico’s extensive backstories, but these things are essential to the book and are some of the best and most affecting writing I’ve ever read. Finally! The Great American Novel!

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones I would firmly like to say that this is probably the best horror novel ever written. The setup is very traditional in that it’s about a group of friends facing supernatural comeuppance for a past mistake, but delivery on that premise is anything but familiar. A story about personal and cultural trauma that raises questions about what we owe to each other and what it means to be Blackfeet, with a cast that’s unbelievably real and sympathetic even at their absolute worst. Creepypasta writers trying to cash in on the cultural mythos of lumped-together tribes wish they were capable of writing something a tenth as gruesome and good as this. It could very well be a movie the visuals and writing style were so arresting, and I can’t wait to read whatever Jones writes next.

Found Footage Horror Films: Fear and the Appearance of Reality by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas This is the least accessible title on the list since it’s a college textbook for people with background in film, but it was so nice to read a woman unpacking film theory with the expertise and confidence it deserves that I have to rank it among the best. I had an absolute blast reading it and am going to have to stop myself from bringing up the horror of 1960s safety films as a cocktail icebreaker.

Blood in the Water: The Attica Prison Uprising of 1971 and Its Legacy by Heather Ann Thompson

The year’s toughest read by far, but also its most rewarding. Thompson uses mountains of documents, government-buried intel, and personal interviews to explain what happened at Attica from beginning to end, and does a fantastic job of balancing hard facts and ‘unbiased journalism’ with much-needed emotion and critical analysis. It’s more important reading in the 2020s than any kind of ‘why/how to not be racist’ book club book is going to be, and the historical context it provides is as interesting as it is invaluable. The second half drags a bit in going through lengthy trial processes with some assumed baseline knowledge of legalese (which I did not have. All that criminal minds in 2015… meaningless), but aside from that editing and prose are some of the best I’ve seen in nonfiction.

The Bad

The Woman in the Window by A.J. Finn A friend and I decided to read this together because I’m obsessed with how insane the author is and wanted to know if he can actually write.

He cannot.

The Beautiful Thing That Awaits Us All by Laird Barron Barron is an indie darling of the horror fiction scene, so I was excited to finally read one of his collections but can now attest that I hate him. If you’re going to do Lovecraft please deconstruct Lovecraft in an interesting way. I had actually written a lot about the issues I have with how he develops characters and plots, but one of the only shorthand notes I took was “he won’t stop saying ‘bole’ instead of tree trunk” and I feel like that’s the only review we need.

Bats of the Republic by Zach Dodson Look up a photo of this author because if I had bothered to glance at the jacket bio I honest-to-god wouldn’t have even tried reading this.

This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone I went in with high expectations since this is an epistolary novella I’d seen praised on tumblr and youtube but oh my god was there a reason I was seeing it praised on tumblr and youtube. This is bad Steven Universe fanfiction. Both authors included ‘listening to the Steven Universe soundtrack throughout’ in the acknowledgements, and to add insult to injury there’s a plug from my nemesis Madeline Miller.

The 7½ Deaths of Evelyn Hardcastle by Stuart Turton The premise of this one plays with so many tropes I like that I should have been more suspicious. It’s a dinner party with stock characters one would expect of Clue, and rather than our protagonist being the detective he’s a man with amnesia stuck in a 24-hour time loop. Body-hopping between guests, he must gather evidence using the skillsets of each ‘host’ until he either solves Evelyn Hardcastle’s murder or the limit of eight hosts runs out. I read a lot of not-very-good books, and it’s so, so much worse when they have potential to be fun. This is how you lose the most points, and how I abandon decorum and end up writing a list of grievances: • Our protagonist can only inhabit male hosts, which I think is a stupid writing decision not because I’m ‘woke’ but because wouldn’t it make sense for him to also be working with the maids, cooks, and women close to the murder victim? • Complaining about the limitations of hosts makes some sense (e.g- there’s a section where he thinks that it’s hard to be an old man because it’s difficult to get to the places he needs to be quickly), but one of his hosts is a rapist and one of his hosts is fat. Guess which one gets complained about more. • One of the later hosts is just straight-up a cop with cop knowledge that singlehandedly solves the case. We spend some time being like ‘wow I couldn’t have done it without the info all eight hosts helped gather’ but it was 100% the detective and he solves the murder using information he got off-screen. • The mystery itself is actually well-paced and I didn’t have a lot of issues with it (e.g, there’s a twist that I guessed only shortly before the end), which makes it all the worse that the metanarrative of this book is INSANE. No spoilers but the reveal as to why our unnamed protagonist is even in this situation is stupid. I just know they’re going to make it into a movie and I’m preemptively going to aaaaaaaaa!!!

Trust Exercise by Susan Choi The fact that this was the worst book I read all year, worse even than the bad Steven Universe fanfiction, and it won multiple awards makes my blood boil. I could rant about it for hours but just know that it’s a former theater kid’s take on perception and memory, and deals with sexual abuse in a way that’s handled both very badly and with a level of fake deepness that’s laughable. Select fake-deep quotes I copied down because at one point I said ‘oh barf’ aloud: -I’m filled with melancholy that’s almost compassion. It’s sad the same way. -[On a friendship ending] We almost never know what we know until after we know it. -Because we’re none of us alone in this world. We injure each other.

There are also bad sex scenes that I can’t quite make fun of because I think (HOPE?) they’re supposed to be a melodramatic take on how teenagers view sex, but I very much wanted to die. Flowers were alluded to. Nipples were compared to diamonds.

Honorable/Dishonorable Mentions (categorized as the same thing because, well,)

The Life and Death of Sophie Stark by Anna North This book was frustrating because the first third of it is fantastic. It’s set up to be a takedown of the manic pixie dream girl trope, jumping from person to person discussing their relationship with the titular Sophie, and indirectly revealing that she was just some girl and not the difficult and mysterious genius they all believed her to be. Then in the third act, BAM! She was that difficult and mysterious genius and she’s now indirectly brought all the people from her past together. I wanted to scream the plot beefed it so bad, but the good news is I really liked this octopus description.

It was the size of a three-year-old child, and it seemed awful to me that something could be so far from human and obviously want something as badly as it wanted to get out of the tank.

Radium Girls: The Dark Story of America’s Shining Women by Kate Moore Cool new nightmare speedrun strat is to hear a 2-second anecdote from a documentary that people used to get radium poisoning from painting watch faces, be curious enough that you buy a book to learn more, and be met with medical and legal horror beyond anything you could have imagined. This was almost one of my favorite books of the year! Almost.

Radium Girls is very lovingly crafted and incredibly well-researched; one of those things that’s hard to get through but that you want to read sections of again as soon as you’ve finished. The umbrage I take with it is that it’s very Catholic. The author and many of her subjects are Irish and their religion is important to them, but it casts a martyr-y narrative over the whole thing that I found uncomfortable. Seventeen-year-old girls taking a factory job they didn’t know was dangerous are framed as brave, working-class heroes, but there’s not a set moral lesson to be gained from this story. Sarah Maillefer didn’t make “a sacrifice” when she agreed to the first radium tests, she agreed because she was terrified. She didn’t think she was helping she was begging for help.

The Mushroom at the End of the World: On the Possibility of Life in Capitalist Ruins by Anna Tsing Tsing is an incredibly skilled researcher and ethnographer; there are so many good ideas in this book that I’d almost consider it essential leftist text… if I could stand the way it was structured. Tsing posits that because nature is built on precariousness she will build her book the same way, allowing it to grow like a mushroom, and thus chapters don’t progress linearly and are written more like freeform poetry than a series of academic arguments. Some people are really going to love that, but I’m me and a mushroom is a mushroom and a book is a book. I don’t think in the way Tsing does, and while I tried to keep an open mind it’s hard to play along when something is this academically dense and makes so many ambitious claims. As if to prove how different our structuring methods are, I’ve made my own thoughts into a pros and cons list

Things I liked: • ‘Contamination’ as something inherent to diversity • ‘Scalability’ as a flawed way of thinking (Tsing has written whole essays about this that I find very compelling, but a main example here is that China and the US have come down on Japanese matsutake research for being too ‘site specific’ and not yielding enough empirical data) • Discussing how Americans were so invested in self-regulating systems in the 1950s we thought they could be applied to literally everything, including ecosystems • “The survivors of war remind us of the bodies they climbed over- or shot- to get to us. We don’t know whether to love or hate the survivors. Simple moral judgements don’t come to hand.” • Any and all fieldwork Tsing shares is amazing; I especially liked reading about the culture of mushroom pickers living in the Cascades and their contained market system

Things I didn’t like: • Statements that sound deep but aren’t, e.g- “help is always in the service of another.” (Yep. That’s what that means. Unless an organism is doing something to help itself which then nullifies your whole opening argument.) • A very debatable definition of utilitarianism • “Capitalism vs pre-capitalism,” which seems like an insanely black-and-white stance for a book all about finding hidden middle ground • A chapter I found really interesting about how intertwined Japanese and American economies are, but it tries to cover the entire history of US-Japan relations. Seriously, starting with Governor Perry and continuing through present day, this could have been a whole different book and it’s a good example of what I mean when I say arguments feel too scattered (the conclusion it reaches is that in the 80s the yen was finally able to hold its own against the dollar. Just explain that part.) • A chapter arguing that ‘true biological mutualism’ is rarely a focus of STEM and is a new sociological development/way of thinking which is just… flat-out not true

For all the comparisons art gets to ‘being on a drug trip’ this anthropology textbook has come the closest for me. Moments of profound human wisdom, intercut with things I had trouble understanding because I wasn’t on the same wavelength, intercut with even more things that felt false or irrelevant. I can’t put it on the nice list but I am glad I read it.

#2020 #books #long post #(in case the read more isn't working)

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rainofashe · 4 years

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VOGUE GIRL with BOY FRIEND: Starring JO1

VOGUE GIRL with BOY FRIEND Guest: JO1

In this first instalment of a series of interviews, we sat down with the hottest boys this season who have gained the attention of many with their fresh talent and looks to learn more about them. Set in the retro-pop 「Café & Bar CHAOS」, a café in Shinjuku frequented by fashionistas from around the world, the Associate Editor of VOGUE GIRL and the guests sat down for a no-frills chat. In this 31st edition, we have 5 members from the global boys group JO1, who just had their grand debut after surviving an audition program. Let’s welcome Kawanishi Takumi, Kimata Syoya, Ohira Shosei, Tsurubo Shion and Kinjo Sukai!

Firstly, let’s ask Kawanishi Takumi. What was the thing that changed the most after your debut?

I think it definitely has to be the environment around me. Literally everything changed. I’ve never been looked at by so many people before, and I’ve never lived apart from my parents either.

You were born in Hyogo?

Yes. It made me realise how precious my parents are.

JO1 had gained a lot of attention before your debut since it’s the group formed by the winners of the audition program. How did you feel back then, to see your fans’ support in hard numbers?

I knew from the start that we would be ranked, but when you work hard with other people you’d naturally form a sort of comradeship. I felt that it was really cruel. I didn’t want to do it anymore (laughs).

After debuting, when do you have the most fun?

I’ve always admired this world ever since I was in middle school, so right now I’m having fun everyday. Really, I never thought there’d be a job where I’d get to experience new things everyday, I’m really happy.

So you’re getting closer to the dream you’ve had since your 3rd year of middle school?

That’s right!

After analysing your personality, what sort of person do you think you are?

I’m a really shy person.

Do you ever feel that you’re being misunderstood by others?

I feel like I am, but I can’t really pinpoint it…

Like you’re actually really macho, or something like that (laughs).

I’m actually really muscular! I think I’m the kind who would approach someone first. Rather than approaching everyone else, it’s more like the members would come and talk to me first.

Those kinds of people tend to attract attention, I believe. Like in school, there’d always be that person who people would naturally be drawn to.

It’s a good thing, I guess.

Within JO1, is there anything you think you won’t lose to anyone, or don’t want to lose to anyone?

I want to become someone who can lead the team in our performance. Not just in dance and vocals, but also self-production.

What do you have in mind for self-production?

Like writing our own songs, or directing our own live performances, I hope to do that in the future.

Being in a big group of 11 members, is there anything you take special note of?

I don’t get angry when we’re having practice, but when someone warns everybody else, I try not to say anything. For example, if the dad gets angry the mom won’t get angry, so I keep quiet when someone else is angry.

So you try to maintain balance.

Yes, that’s what I take note of the most.

So you’re the mom (laughs).

Hahaha! (laughs)

What do you want your occupation to be called?

Charisma.

Nice! So you want to become charismatic?

Yes.

“Charismatic” tends to refer to someone who stands out from the rest, so what do you think sets you apart from others? I can already feel your charisma from your beautiful skin!

Really?!

Looking at you from the side, it’s really beautiful!

That makes me really happy! But I guess I’m really quick at picking up things…like dancing.

You’re able to grasp the main points?

Maybe it’s because I’m living based on sense and intuition.

I see. What makes a charismatic person, in your opinion?

I think people who are confident in themselves are really cool.

Do you have confidence in yourself?

I hope to gain more confidence from now on!

Is there anyone you respect or think they’re cool, amongst the members?

I think our leader, Yonashiro, is always thinking about the team and the people around him. I really respect him. I’m glad that he’s our leader.

So everyone sees him as the boss?

Not really (laughs). We always tease him, but having the leader always being teased creates a really nice atmosphere in the group.

What is the selling point of your second single STARGAZER, which was released on August 26th?

The concept this time is “students”, and when you’re a student, it’s a time when you’re chasing your dreams. We want to send the message that even if you’re on the brink of giving up, don’t give up! The music video is also really impactful and sends a really strong message. I hope that seeing us united and not giving up will bring across the message we want to convey.

From here on, answer us as fast as you can from the top of your head! Firstly, which part of your face do you like?

My eyes. I’ve been told that the look sharp.

The favourite part of your body?

Hands. I think they’re manly.

What do you do when you feel lonely?

I call my mother.

What is your ideal date plan?

I want to go to the amusement park and play a lot.

What is the one piece of advice that has left the deepest impression on you?

When a staff member told me, “You’re working too hard, you don’t have to.”

If you were to invite one of the members out for a meal, who would you go with and what would you eat?

I’ll go with Sato Keigo to eat roast beef.

Lastly — 10 years from now, what would you like Kawanishi Takumi to be like?

I want to meet all sorts of people from different genres and work with them. Not only in dance performances, but acting, and magazine shoots as well.

That truly embodies “charisma”! I look forward to seeing such a Kawanishi Takumi.

Thank you very much!

Next, we have Kimata Syoya. How was it after your debut?

Since I’m an only child, it felt like I gained a lot of brothers after we all started living together.

You’re together from day till night, right?

And we all go to work together.

It really does feel like you’ve gained a new family. Is it fun?

Yes, since I wanted siblings.

How did it feel like to have your fans’ support reflected in your ranking during the audition program?

I braced myself for that when I decided to apply. But I was able to remain much longer than expected and even managed to debut, so I guess I did have a bit of fun. It felt like my effort was being recognised and I’m glad I worked hard. Although there was a part of me that didn’t really want to see the ranking, but when I got a good result I was really happy and I gained confidence from it.

Do you think it will be useful in your upcoming career?

During the audition, we had to constantly produce ourselves. I was able to learn how to carry myself and how to show myself on stage, so it feels like a small step towards showbiz.

So you were already being trained back then. That’s why everyone is so polite!

Yes. We don’t have any knowledge at all about showbiz, but we were able to learn these things thanks to the audition program.

Do you ever feel that you’re being misunderstood by others?

I think many people think that I’m a person who doesn’t think (laughs).

Really? After meeting you in person, I don’t think so at all.

I’m really bad at explaining things. So I usually don’t explain things in details, and this comes off as if I’m not really thinking. And when I try to explain things in detail, I tend to become long-winded. I’m not really smart, but I do think about things!

What part about yourself do you think you won’t lose to the other members?

Boyish atmosphere.

Oh, that was an unexpected one!

I’m really shy, but I think i’m the most energetic one when I’m with the members.

Yes, yes, so you’re the mood maker?

There’s actually someone else who’s the mood maker (laughs), so it’s a little different from that. It’s more like I’m energetic enough to keep talking endlessly.

So you don’t get tired of people?

When I’m close to you I really won’t. When the cameras are rolling my shyness takes over and I can’t really express myself well, but when we become close I’m able to express my feelings, which puts me at ease and gives me energy, I think.

Is there anything in particular you take note of while working in a group with so many members?

I think that we have to carry ourselves properly when we work as a group. Let’s see…it’s like we’d all voice our opinions clearly, but eventually we’ll summarise the main points and make sure everyone’s on the same page. I think that’s important.

What would you like your title to be?

I’d like to be called an artiste.

Are there any artistes you look up to?

I’ve always liked K-POP, so someone like BTS. In Japan, I’d say someone like King Gnu, where everyone’s unique personalities shine. I want us to become something like that.

So, what kind of unique personalities do you think JO1 has?

For example, when you audition for an agency, the agency would always have their own likes and dislikes. I think such subjectiveness results in the same type of people gathering together. But we were chosen by different viewers with different tastes, so we’re all different in our own ways. I think that’s what makes up our unique personalities.

When do you have the most fun?

I think it’s when I’m eating.

What’s your favourite food?

Sushi and steak!

Moving on to your new song. In your opinion, what is the selling point of your new single?

I would say it’s the dance choreography in the chorus of OH-EH-OH. Students and office workers would wear jackets, right? Everyone can use that to try out our dance and enjoy the song.

That means everyone can become JO1! It’s a song to encourage those in their teens, right?

Yes, but personally I don’t want it to be just limited to teens, I hope everyone can feel encouraged by it! When I hear this song, I also feel that I need to work hard.

From here on, answer as fast as you can. What’s your favourite part of your face?

The mole on my eyelid. I think it’s pretty rare.

Favourite part of your body?

I’ve been told that my shoulders and collarbones are nice.

What do you do when you’re feeling lonely?

I hang out with my friends.

What is your ideal date plan?

Maybe going out for a meal.

What is the one piece of advice that has left the deepest impression on you?

My friend once told me “if you believe you can do it, you actually can”, and when I convinced myself to think like this, I was really able to do it!

If you were to invite one of the members out for a meal, who would you go with and what would you eat?

I’ll go with Tsurubo Shion to eat Sundubu!

10 years from now, what would you like Kimata Syoya to be like?

I want to become an adult that looks good with a beard.

What sort of work would you do?

I want to try running my own business. Like a restaurant, or maybe my own fashion brand since I’m interested in fashion, or producing my own cosmetics.

That’s a really broad range!

I’ve been watching K-dramas recently, and it made me want to run my own restaurant one day.

Do you cook?

I do when I have the time.

What’s your best dish?

Seaweed soup.

Seaweed soup! That’s unexpected (laughs).

But it’s really legit! (laughs) I’d grill some meet and leek then add in the seaweed. I like using a Korean or Chinese seasoning.

So an artiste that is also a businessman in multiple areas. That’s definitely new! I’m looking forward to it!

Yes. I’ll do my best!

Thirdly, we have Ohira Shosei. How was it like after your debut?

I became bolder and gained confidence.

In what way?

I wanted to refine myself even more after debuting. I was wondering how I should go about it and tried changing my makeup and hairstyle, but as expected the best way to refine myself is to stand with my chest out with confidence (laughs).

That’s true!

If there isn’t anything overflowing from inside, nothing will work.

Was there anything within you that changed after your debut?

I became more skilful, and I think I’m able to show myself better on stage, like during out performances.

And I guess it’s because there are more opportunities for you to perform as a professional?

Yes. I’ve received a lot of stimulation and I think it has changed quite a lot.

What sort of personality would you say you have?

Calm and quiet.

Really? (laughs)

(laughs) I am, but somewhere in me there’s an American feeling.

So you’re clear about yourself, and are strong-willed.

That’s right.

What part about yourself do you think you won’t lose to the other members?

In terms of being an artiste, I think I’m able to fit any sort of song. I can do a cute song since I have a baby face, and I can do cool songs too. I can do songs with a tough atmosphere too, I can do anything.

So you can change yourself as and when.

Yes!

Oh! And amongst, that what are you the best at?

A lot of people think I’m the cute kind, but actually in my heart, I really like the tough type of songs. But because my face isn’t like that…but I like everything.

So do you ever feel that you’re being misunderstood by others?

When people tell me I have a fluffy atmosphere.

You’re actually more of a tough guy?

That’s right!

Oh! Is there anything in particular you take note of while working in a group with so many members?

To maintain a good sense of distance between one another, and to communicate with one another properly.

That’s very mature of you. When performing as 11 members, do you ever feel like you’d be overshadowed?

I do, I do! In my case, since I have lesser lines in our songs compared to the rest, I try my best to show my charms when I’m performing in front.

What would you say your occupation is?

An artiste.

Are there any artistes whom you look up to?

He’s an actor, but I like someone like Miura Shohei.

Who do you think amongst the members is impressive?

Shion.

In what way?

He’s very level-headed and he looks at things with a calm mind. He’s a serious guy.

When do you have the most fun?

When I’m listening to tough songs and get into the mood (laughs).

You’re passionate about hair and makeup, but is there anything about beauty you take particular note of?

I’m really particular about skincare!

As expected. Is there anything you will do without fail?

It’s a rather long process. I have about 6 steps.

Wow! And where do you get your information from>

I consult my makeup artist sometimes.

From here on, answer as fast as you can. Firstly, your favourite part of your face.

My eyes. I have droopy eyes.

Favourite part of your body?

Everything. I have a an unexpectedly good body shape.

What do you do when you’re feeling lonely?

Watch anime!

What is your ideal date plan?

Going to the movies and then shopping!

What is the one piece of advice that has left the deepest impression on you?

“Who cares?” I heard this line in an American drama I watched and it really stuck with me.

If you were to invite one of the members out for a meal, who would you go with and what would you eat?

Myself. Because it’s calming.

10 years from now, what would you like Ohira Shosei to be like?

A calm and manly person.

And as an artiste?

I want to be able to draw out more of my own uniqueness.

So you’d still be working in the field of dance and music?

Yes.

What about acting.

I’m not interested. I’ll purely do artiste work.

What is the best moment for you as an artiste?

I want to be able to stand on the stage of the domes. Hopefully it’ll come true in 10 years’ time…I want to become someone who’d be able to go overseas too. I want to become someone who can work overseas.

With your studious attitude, I’m sure you’ll be able to overcome country borders! Thank you for today.

Thank you very much!

Next, we have Tsurubo Shion.

Thanks for having me!

What does it feel like to have your dream of debuting come true?

Before applying for Produce 101, I was actually under a Korean agency. I wasn’t able to debut and came back to Japan, and I felt really apologetic to my family. Apparently back then, I told them to wait and see that I’ll be in Tokyo 1 year later. And I really did make it, it gave me goosebumps and I was really surprised. I didn’t finish high school, so if I don’t enter showbiz I’ll just cause even more trouble for my parents, so I was like, I definitely have to debut! After debuting, I feel like I was able to repay my parents even if just a little.

Not being able to debut in Korea, in retrospect, worked to your advantage.

It helped me gained confidence, and when I first when to Korea, I was totally inexperienced and wasn’t able to do anything. I learned how to dance, sing and speak Korean for 10 months over there, and now that I’m in JO1 there are times when people ask me to speak in Korean, and I’m glad I’m able to make use of these skills I picked up in these situations.

During the audition, the fans’ support was reflected clearly in your ranking. It was a pretty rare experience, wasn’t it?

Right off the bat, they already showed that I had a bad attitude. I thought that everything was over (laughs).

How did you feel back then?

I felt really hurt. I was 7th in the first rankings. I thought it was pretty meh.

7th is amazing.

And then after they aired the bit where they said I had a bad attitude, I rose to 5th place. I was like what? What’s going on? And I’ve never dropped since then. 5, 3, 5, 3, 3, 2 and then 5th in the end. There were members who managed to debut without their ranks dropping. I wanted to debut as the top 3, so I missed it just by a bit!

But to place 5th even after being criticised about your attitude!

But I really felt that 1st, 2nd and 3rd are amazing, and I won’t be able to reach that. So I thought I did pretty well by placing 5th.

What sort of personality would you say you have?

I’d say I’m selfish.

In what way?

I’ve never said this before, but I hate being told what to do by other people. I want to think on my own before acting. Although I’m happy to have been able to enter showbiz, I get pumped up about the things I want to do, but lose motivation for things I’m not interested in (laughs).

(laughs) So you don’t like to be bound. I guess if things don’t sit well with you, you won’t do it?

That’s right. I won’t be able to.

But there are times when you have no choice, right?

Right now, I want us to become even bigger, such that when people talk about Japan’s idol boys group, they’d say JO1. I want us to go overseas too, one day. So rather than my own wishes, I want us to work hard together as a group.

Just now you said that your attitude had been criticised, but after talking to you like this, I feel that it’s not the case at all. Are there any times you feel like you’re being misunderstood by others?

Uhm, I’m just a really normal person. A lot of people say the I’m weird or scary (laughs), but I’m really just a normal person!

Doing work in showbiz, it’s important to keep remembering that you’re a normal person too. What part about yourself do you think you won’t lose to the other members?

I’m confident that I’m aware and considerate of my surroundings.

Considerate of your surroundings?

I think I’m someone who will consider my surroundings first before acting. For example, when we dance, I won’t just look at myself, but at the big picture.

So you would say you’re a considerate person?

Let’s leave it at that! Let’s leave it on a positive note (laughs).

(laughs) Is there anything in particular you take note of while working in a large group with 11 members?

To not fight and to not get angry.

And what do you take particular note of so as to not get into fights?

To always be calm. And tolerant. With 11 people, being tolerant becomes an important trait.

So you try your best to control yourself and to look at the big picture. That’s amazing.

Before, I’d get irritated and say whatever’s on my mind, but now I’ve learned to think before I speak!

With so many members, I think there’s always the worry of being overshadowed. Is there anything you’re working hard on so as to not be overshadowed?

Staying true to myself.

So to always be your true self?

Yes. Of course there are limits, but when we’re recording TV programs I’d say whatever I like, and to always maintain my unique character. I don’t freeze up or get nervous so I say what I think, but sometimes I say the wrong things (laughs). Yes. There are times when in acts in my favour and times when it doesn’t. I think that a unique aspect about myself.

What would you say your occupation is?

An artiste.

What sort of artiste do you look up to?

I think there are a lot of people in the younger generation that know about us, but I think a lot of people in the 40s and 50s wouldn’t know about us. Everyone knows ARASHI, right? I want to become as big as them.

Who do you think is the coolest member?

Mame-chan. Our youngest Mame-chan. He’s two years younger than me, but he’s really mature. To be honest, sometimes I feel like Mame-chan is the most mature one.

He is calm person?

He’s really considerate of his surroundings. I think that’s amazing, and I respect him for it. Mame-chan also warns the other members when needed, even if they’re older.

When do you have the most fun?

When I’m singing. Or when I’m gaming. I think I’m the one that likes gaming the most in JO1, I’m always gaming.

Let’s talk about your new single. Personally, what do you think is the selling point of your new single?

This time we have 6 songs, from ballads to chic and sexy to tough tracks. Since there is a wide variation, I think everyone can listen to a song that fits their own mood at any time.

Which is your favourite song?

The rap title, So What. As one of the rappers of the group, I have to choose this song (laughs). But I really like it.

From here on, answer as fast as you can! Firstly, the favourite part of your face.

My eyes. They’re droopy, but almond-shaped.

Favourite part of your body?

Shoulders. I swiped for 10 years so I think my body shape is good.

Your favourite colour?

Transparent. Because it won’t be dyed by anything.

What do you do when you’re lonely?

I call my friends.

What is your ideal date plan?

Just going to the countryside without thinking too much.

What is the one piece of advice that has left the deepest impression on you?

Something that my father said, “When you’re torn between what to do, choose the cooler option.”

If you were to buy yourself a reward right now, what would you buy?

Lifeguard.

If you were to invite one of the members out for a meal, who would you go with and what would you eat?

I’ll go with Kimata Syoya for a Chinese buffet!

Who do you want to say “Thank you!” to the most right now?

My family. They’ve always believed in me and supported me.

10 years from now, what would you like Tsurubo Shion to be like?

It might be a little early, but I want to be a refined and mature adult. And as for work, I want to challenge anything that comes. I’m in interested in acting and theatre. There are many things I want to do!

And what would you want to do continue doing?

Singing, I think.

You have a really nice voice.

Thank you very much!

A multi-talented artiste the can also sing ballads. I’m looking forward to it!

Thank you very much!

Lastly, we have Kinjo Sukai! What did you do during the Stay Home period?

I think everyone worked on polishing themselves. Like working out and practicing dancing.

Was there anything within you that changed after debuting?

My whole life itself changed drastically.

And you’re able to really feel it?

Yes. In the past, I used to part-time at construction site. I didn’t know it felt so good to sweat in front of an audience and the fans, and it felt so different from sweating at a construction site.

What sort of personality would you say you have?

I think I’m a pretty passionate person. Although I’m often seen as scary because of my appearance (laughs).

Maybe because you’re tall as well? (laughs)

I think so. But I love talking, so I think I’m pretty sociable.

So you’re always being misunderstood!

I’m always seen as scary because of my appearance, and my fans gave me the catchphrase “Always poker face”. Even when I appear on TV or during magazine shoots, I always have a calm expressions on and don’t really smile. But I’m not actually doing it on purpose…that’s the only thing I don’t want people to misunderstand.

What part about yourself do you think you won’t lose to the other members?

Rather than shining in the front, I’m always acting as everyone’s shadow. If someone has to be the light, someone else has to take on the role of the shadow, When the other members are troubled, if there’s a good opening for me to jump in to help them, I think I won’t lose to anyone in terms of speed.

I like the idea of light and shadow!

We have 11 members! So if everyone is fighting for the limelight when we appear on TV, it won’t be fun or interesting.

Is there anything in particular you take note of while working in a group with so many members?

Even though our leader Yonashiro Sho is older and is a very tolerant person, the number of members isn’t something that he himself can handle alone. So each one of us has to do our own part, for example, I always try to be polite in our greetings.

Do you guys ever fight?

Yes. At first we didn’t, but that actually made me worry. Personally, I’m the type that if we actually fight until it becomes a full-on brawl, I won’t be overly considerate of you anymore. Because we’ll end up understanding each other, and sharing our pain. And as we get more and more jobs, I think it’s only natural that we would have more of our own opinions, so I hope that we can grow to be able to talk to each other frankly.

It left a deep impassion on me just now when you mentioned “becoming the shadow”. Are you ever worried that you’ll be overshadowed by the other members?

Ah, but I hope that people would be able to see me for who I am. My mother told me that “the people who are looking are definitely watching you”, and I believe her words. The people who are looking at me will reach out to me one day, so until then I’m putting in effort to quietly hone my skills.

Is there anything in particular you’re working hard for as JO1?

When we’re dancing, just in our everyday lives, we look at the mirror a lot. But just dancing won’t convey anything, so I pay attention to show my cool side and better angles. And during magazine photoshoots, when the staff members praise my angles, I would take note of their feedback and look at my own photos and see what I can continue to adopt next time.

Who do you respect amongst the members?

Ren-kun. He’s our dance leader, and he’s always been shining ever since our audition days. He’s a great dancer, and has a bright and cheerful personality. He’s really reliable and I respect him.

What do you think is the selling point of your new song?

The theme this time is “students”, so it’s aimed at people around our age. Even though there may be worries and troubles, we want to tell them positively that everything will be okay. In the lyrics, there’s a line that goes “The shining light is waiting for us”, and that light is us and we’ll be waiting. That is the message of our new song.

From here on, answer as fast as you can. The favourite part of your face?

My left profile.

Favourite part of your body?

Shoulders

What do you do when you’re lonely?

I call my friends.

What is your ideal date plan?

Going out for lunch and then shopping, then returning home at night for a movie.

What is the one piece of advice that has left the deepest impression on you?

It’s something that one of the members, Kimata, said to me when I couldn’t remember the dance choreography. “Sleep and you will remember.”

If you were to invite one of the members out for a meal, who would you go with and what would you eat?

I’ll go with Tsurubo Shion for ramen.

10 years from now, what would you like Kinjo Sukai to be like?

I think I’m someone that shines more when I produce myself, or like someone that conveys better when I explain it with my own words, so I want to try writing my own songs. I also like perfumes, so I’d like to try making my own perfume. There are many things I’d like to try out.

What do you think was the weapon that allowed you to survive in the audition?

My voice.

So you should take good care of it!

That’s right! That’s why I want to become even better at singing and become acknowledged by professionals and people around the world.

I’ll be supporting you! Do your best!

Thank you very much.

#jo1 #vogue #vogue girl #japan #produce 101 #produce 101 japan #jpop #kpop

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acefrogmonarch · 4 years

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Lets chat

This is mostly going to look at Sakura's involvement in the ship, because it mostly revolves around her feelings. If there any refutes please leave them in the notes.

Now SS is seen as a ship in the Naruto fandom. It consists of Sasuke and Sakura in a romantic/sexual setting. It can be a great ship but let's dwell on that later.

For now, it's time to actually look at the ship and see where it stands. Sakura loves Sasuke. It can't be refuted by the characters or JVA or Kishimoto but where does that love come from?

I've been going through the manga and other people's opinions to make something of my own. That is generally how someone can come to a conclusion but enough about human interactions!

Let's start with Sakura!

Sakura is first seen as a fangirl that crushes on Sasuke. That is how we generally see her. Obsessing over Sasuke and his image.

Now that's the opinion of Naruto and probably anyone that is new to the Naruto series. However, as the story progresses we see how Sakura stops seeing Sasuke as an idea. As an unattainable and unapproachable force.

We see Sakura treat Sasuke more as a person, once they are in a team and spend some time together. Sakura realizes that Sasuke isn't perfect and can be hurt, unlike her idealized version of him. It doesn't make her stop chasing him. It drives her more because he was always the invincable Uchiha. The first time this becomes a reality is during the infamous 'c-rank mission turning into an A-rank'.

The Zabuza arc. The most iconic and memorable thing to happen to them. As a team and trying to find their Nindo, their ninja way. It shows how harsh the Ninja world really is.

Back to Sakura; this is her turning point. This is the point that she wanted to change herself because she wants to help others and Sasuke. Because she's scared for him and his life. Up until this point, she has been thrown into the Ninja world without really knowing the full dangers.

She was from a civilian family, she was bullied by others because of her appearance but was saved by Ino. But, because she's always had to be saved. She finds out what her nindo way is: to save others.

This is her drive and this is what pushes her until Sasuke's revenge and hatred, consume him. At this point Sakura has stopped looking at the fantasized version of her crush and sees Sasuke underneath his mask, underneath his hatred.

Then the Chunin exams begin; it is the second time where Sakura finds herself in a helpless situation. At this moment, Sakura has barely made any progress with herself, but she is slowly improving. She acknowledges that even Naruto is ahead of her. This is the first change in character. She knows she isn't as strong as Sasuke, to protect him or help him.

She drowns in her insecurities, so she takes Sasuke's insult to heart. "You're annoying." But she is also encouraged by his acknowledgement when he notices that she can read Genjutsu like the back of her hand.

That's her drive. His approval, it conflicts me to point out the difference as to why this isn't necessarily good. If he was her mentor, it would have been fine. If he was older and a positive role figure for her, it would have been better.

But they are Ninja and compliments are either going to make them bitter or happy. But because he is a peer, her crush. It is unhealthy. To set her personality, her self importance, solely on one person? -as a person and on a growing girl? It affects them and it influences them greatly

Now, the chunin exam comes and goes and so does Sasuke. He leaves the village but before that Sakura tries to make him stay. She pushes her love to him and he rejects her because he has a vendetta. He has a goal outside of the village. A duty to his clan, his mother and to Itachi. But what sakura does is wrong.

I will point out, at any point, how their actions are wrong.

Sakura pushing her love onto Sasuke to make him stop leaving the village is emotional abuse. A small incident, yes, but she tried. Maybe she wasn't going to hurt herself if he left but her unwanted feelings and trying to guilt him into staying is the problem here.

"I had fun on this team and I know you did too." Is a line that stuck with me, throughout this whole interaction. She's trying to get him to understand that he wasn't alone but she wasn't putting his feelings into consideration.

Emotional abuse may be a strong word for something like this but it shows that they don't know that it's wrong. If he had felt guilt this would have stopped him, but he doesn't. It's his mission and stubbornness that lets him leave her behind.

Sakura is stuck at point A again, he leaves. She's helpless again. She isn't acknowledged by him anymore. So she begs Naruto to get him back. To her, to him, to the team. Because she can't help but feel useless and that it's her fault.

She's there in the aftermath. To clean up the wounds and get stronger. She has to rely on herself at the point because Naruto soon leaves to get stronger, as well.

This is the end of Genin Sakura. Shippuden Sakura is a different person entirely.

But before that, let's stop. I want to mention something. Sakura isn't a girl that will commit to something just because someone else is. I'm referring to her rivalry with Ino.

Before she knew that Ino liked Sasuke, Sakura liked Sasuke's admiration. Then she saw how Ino reacted to Sakura's obvious crush and started noticing more social cues. I.E. Hinata's crush on Naruto and his dullness to his surroundings. But oblivious to her own turmoil until Ino and her talk things out as teens.

Ugh shippuden. Let's get this over with..

Sakura returns with the confidence she lacked from when she was a Genin. That is a given. That is supposed to happen, you realize something you didn't before and move forward with your life and choices. But she doesn't ask for forgiveness from her friends for her attitude.

Because it's her attitude. She built herself up because no one else can do that for her. It still doesn't excuse her, she has to realize a border between herself and her actions. They have meaning and they have weight. It doesn't affect Naruto because nothing stops him but that doesn't mean that it's okay.

Moving on to the ship and yes: this issue will be back with NS.

Onto SS shippuden!

Sakura is more mature and is still after Sasuke. Because she feels responsible? Because she feels like she can support him? Because she wants to help? None of those are love. They are obligations. They are promises. They can be confused as love.

She might have felt guilty because she hadn't done as much when she was younger. It's at this point where I can't see Sakura as in love. Because of her guilt, because she feels responsible for him and his actions. But I will try to find some way to see it. Or understand it as such.

Something I didn't mention before is the curse mark and Sakura's reaction to it. The reason why I saved it to now is because it mostly represents how much has changed between them and how much of their old bond has deteriorated. It shows a passage of time between them.

The curse mark and Sasuke's obsession have been influenced and enhanced by the curse mark. That scared Sakura back when she was a genin, In the forest of death. she didn't want that to happen to him, to lose himself in that hatred. Meeting Sasuke back in Orochimaru's abandoned lab and seeing him for the first time: Shocked her.

He's no longer the Sasuke she knew from before but that didn't stop her from helping him. If it was "undying" love or obligation, I wouldn't know.

This makes her stance on wanting to kill Sasuke that less confusing; at least to me. It's her love/obligation that makes her resolve. She owes it to him. To stop his pain, to help him; even if it's killing her to go through with it.

But she doesn't follow through because it felt like betraying his goal and her love for him.

I will not be looking at her false confession: that will be covered in the NS analysis.

I only have one thing to say about that: in regards to SS. It makes sakura's feelings for Sasuke look like an inconvenience. To the mission, to her duty and to her team, because it is. But not because it inconveniences everyone else: just her.

Naruto turns it into his goal. Kakashi owes Sasuke, the proper mentor he should have been instead of being lenient. Sakura lets her feelings get into the way of the mission time and time again. The false confession, too flustered to stop him or kill him. Almost giving up on him and risking the mission. Almost killed by him.. twice.

I'm not solely blaming Sakura but Naruto and Kakshi both could've taken themselves out of the situation and go around to deal with conflicting feelings much later. Kakashi stops being the designated jonin leader because he couldn't stop Naruto like Yamato can. Naruto went with Jiraiya to help with the Kurama's chakra and get stronger.

Edit: Okay. Maybe Naruto isn't the best example but both Sakura and Him have priblems when dealing with Sasuke.

They let Sasuke's abandonment be a learning experience. Sakura is the only person behind and still stuck in the past. Because it is something she desperately clings to. It's why she doesn't give up and why she tries a false confession; it's a normalcy she wants back.

The war is probably the only place I can play off after this point. Because it's the most interactions between them at that point. Sakura meeting Sasuke on the battlefield is like living a nightmare. The one place she didn't expect him to show up and he still surprises her.

But she still doesn't know him, not like before. Fighting with him again, side by side, instead of against; is a sign of trust she isn't ready but will do because it's her duty. But she probably wants to show off and show she may look the same but is a different person entirely.

I wish this is the path she took. Instead we see her quickly bring him back into her life and rejuvenate Team 7. It's a bittersweet/nostalgic moment; the climax before the battle. It's just like before. Before he left. Except it shouldn't. It's the last battle to determine all, they are about to die. I get that but there should be boundaries.

"I'm not here for you, I'm here to protect the Ninja alliance." Sakura should have said something along those lines. But it's a shounen battle manga, that doesn't talk about feelings, moving on. They have a lot to talk about and during the black period, it should be a process of healing.

Yes, I'm still on this scene. Sakura's love can be described as unconditional. She will always hold a torch for him. Because she cares for him and his goals. That is what she's made to be and I hate it.

It's consistent, supportive, and it's to help him. Unconditional can be made out to be parental or motherly but for Sakura it's an innocent kind of love. It's passionate.

Should I even go analyze the two attempted murders? I'd rather go over Sasuke's love.

Now Sasuke's love is a much more simple case compared to Sakura.

Sasuke doesn't love or accept Sakura's love until adulthood.

Because he's no longer a curious and hopeful child and is now a socially awkward adult.

He doesn't know what to do with that.

He doesn't know how to handle that. His whole life, full of vengeance and looking for answers. A single goal but now; he no longer has a drive. So he looks within himself and seeks atonement for his actions.

He stays busy because he knows he's going to have to answer her. He needs answers within himself to see if he can accept her love. He might not feel worthy or okay with her love, after all, he put her through hell.

I sincerely hope he begs for fucking forgiveness from Sakura after this whole shit show of shippuden.

If Sakura's love is unconditional then Sasuke's is appreciated. He's thankful to Naruto and Sakura, they didn't give up on him. It might not be pure, adult, lust, passionate, or innocent; But it is there.

I don't see the men being as self aware of their actions or feelings. In the sense that they don't feel guilty for their actions. Men and women justify it, they all have too. Because they are ninjas and it's at this point where guilt may not have a huge impact on them.

"To finish the mission." and "No matter what." It's these thoughts and feelings that make up their personality. To commit to something, to finish what you started without fail and with your life.

Regardless, Shippuden and Boruto both make a great point that Sakura knows Sasuke, Intimately and Fully. She took the time to understand his pain and hatred. She took the time to help him, even when he didn't want it.

Sasuke didn't do that for Sakura, he can barely accept her love and acceptance. The knowledge that someone loves him, is enough.

Sasusaku is a good ship that supports each other. Sasuke is greatful for Sakura's constant signs of affection, even if he can't accept them. Sakura looks to Sasuke as a goal, one she needs to find within herself. She envies his skill but doesn't let that stop her or let her become bitter towards him.

That's the bare necessities, the foundation. But it progresses into something horrible and I stop shipping at that point.

Edit: The clear reason to me, as to why Sasuke liked Sakura back, is because he admires her strength. The strength that saved him from his emotional darkness and inner turmoil.

At this point he allowed himself to stop wallowing in self pity and hatred and let her in. This is adult Sasuke, this is resolve for her. So he tries to love again.

If that last statement doesn't make sense, it's because of Itachi. That should explain enough, if it doesn't go to notes!

#sasusake #sasusaku #sasuke #sakura #too mamy tags #but hi #nuetral #debate #hiii #character breakdown

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otterbeesfanficblog · 4 years

Text

When neutron stars collide

(Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

EDIT: I HATE MYSELF 2020

Part 2: When A Star Chooses To Shine

Part 1: Steps Before The Starting Line Part 3: Compare And Contrast Part 4: From Where We Stand Part 5: You Would Be Angry Too...

[One week later]

"No, Riji, you can't have my eyeballs." You deadpan to the man next to you.

"Maybe next time." He sighed with a smile.

Oddly enough, that wasn't one of the weirdest things you've had to say to someone, especially Riji. He was an older man, late 40's early 50's, and he was homeless just like you.

He would oftentimes find things for you and give them to use, hoping to trade with you for something. That something could range from a simple smile to wanting your molars and your left kidney, but he never did let you give him anything.

He liked to pretend he was out of his mind like he was gonna sell you on the black market or something, but he was actually really sweet and giving. You weren't the only one he gave things to, there were plenty of people living on the streets, some were worse off than you.

He was your number one supporter from you signing up for UA, he helped you forge a lot of documents to get in and gave you his clothes so you could look at least a little bit decent.

Today you were walking with him to the for sale house to look in the mailbox, hopefully, the UA letter was there. You had been checking on and off the whole week, among other things. Riji wanted to come with you today since you both were also scouting for food, which happened to be coming your way.

Along the sidewalk you were on was a man selling takoyaki, which was surprising to you. There weren't many people willing to sell off the streets were you lived since ya know... homeless people. But you allowed yourself to watch him with a watering mouth and a growling stomach.

The man appeared to be selling in front of his store, so he was walking in and out with things for his cart. You and Riji watched him disappear into his store then you both made your move, taking handfuls of takoyaki when no one was looking, then quickly walking away as if nothing happened.

You both waited till you were fair enough away to begin eating, but you sighed in joy upon eating your first one.

"Ah, I can't remember the last time I had something good that was hot."

Riji chuckled, stuffing two in his mouth with a hum.

"You said it, kid. Hey, you think the letter finally came today?"

You sigh, slowly eating more as you turn the corner down the street that you walked on with Kiri a week ago.

"Probably, right? It's been a week already..."

You both continued down the street, quietly eating your ... well, breakfast/lunch. You thought back to all the things you had imagined would happen when applying for UA.

You thought they would immediately know you were homeless and have never been to an actual school before, you thought they would have sent you away immediately. You had no records at all, not even a birth certificate. At least... not one with you.

You imagined by now they had already looked through the many systems they had and found you...

You were 5 when you ran away from the foster home, from there you grew up alone on the streets. It was hard, so very hard. Everyone pitied you, looked down on you, some even tried taking advantage of you. As that young kid, you meet All Might, and you thought everything was going to be okay.

He said he would come back for you, said you needed to have faith in him and to stay where you were.

You waited.

And waited.

As the years went by, you gave up on waiting. You grew bitter and angry, at All Might, at heroes in general, at the world. You did some foolish things when you were in that stage of anger, somethings you wished someone would have slapped you back to reality.

As soon as the anger dulled, you were left numb and wondering why you were even trying anyways.

Your birth mother didn't want you, your birth father didn't want you, the foster home didn't care about you... the number one hero didn't even care about you. You just wanted it all to end.

Then, something hit you. Whether it was pride or anger or both, you screamed at the world to come at you with everything you had. You weren't going to give in, not when you went so far on your own.

UA, a school where they thought students to be heroes.

You would become a hero, to prove to the world you were worth the air your breathe. You were gonna prove to Japan that they won't forget who you are, you'll have everyone know your name.

With or without approval.

You came upon the house and you ventured to the mailbox, reaching inside, your fingers touched paper. You pulled it out with a shaky hand and looked at it, it was a letter and the letter was addressed to you... from UA high.

If you got it, you would have a good path to start.

If you didn't get in, you would make the world know your name somehow.

"Come on, kid, you got me fallin' off my chair in suspense."

Riji snapped you out of your thoughts, giving you a confident and eager smile. You nod to him and let out a sigh, you glare at the letter before starting it open.

You pull out the letter, it reads:

Dear Miss Uchukyuzo Y/n,

We are excited to announce that you have successfully passed the written and physical exams and have been welcomed to UA High! We would also like to congratulate you on earning the spot of second place in the examination results, with 42 villain points and 35 rescue points. With that said, we look forward to seeing you in April!

"I..." You stare at the paper in your hands, Riji looking impatiently at you.

"Well?! What's it say!?"

"I... got in."

You were suddenly off the ground and sent high into the air by a cheering Riji, you couldn't stop the smile that graced your face as you laugh and let Riji toss you in the air.

"THAT'S MY LITTLE Y/N! I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT!! IM SO PROUD OF YOU KID!"

He let you fall into his arms one more time before setting you down and pulling you into a tight hug, which you return with heated cheeks.

"Ah, look at you! Going to high school! Hardly the little girl I meet 3 years ago, so grown now."

You looked up at him, feeling your chest tighten as he looked at you with a smile and glossy eyes. You shake your head and frown.

"Riji, are you-?"

"I know you don't like asking for help, Y/n." He stated, letting his fingerless gloved hands fall on both your shoulders, looking intently at you.

"But don't let that pride stop you from gettin' off these streets, ya hear?"

You sigh and drop your eyes to the ground.

"Riji-"

"I mean it, Y/n." He squeezes your shoulders. "You're too good to be living on the streets scrounging for scraps like a common rat."

You knew he was right, deep down you wanted nothing more than to have a real home with real food and real clothes. But you also couldn't drown the self-hate either, at least not yet.

Looking back down at the letter you realized you didn't finish reading.

It has also could to our attention that you have no prior school records or any emergency contacts, with this in mind we would like to meet with you and/or a guardian upon you receiving this letter.

When you get the letter, as long as it is within working hours, we would like to meet immediately to discuss this.

You then wished you hadn't eaten anything at all as your stomach flipped and churned in horror and fear.

You knew they wouldn't gloss over that, they couldn't. What kind of school would expect an unknown kid with no history?

"Kid?"

"They want to meet with me." Bringing a hand up, you rub your eyes and frustration. Riji looks at you with concern and a tiny bit of protectiveness.

"Why?"

"They're wondering why a kid who ranked second in their hero exam doesn't have any prior school records." You glare at the letter, crushing it in your hands and shoving it in your pockets.

It was near early afternoon so you had plenty of time to get there, but you couldn't stop the groan that left your mouth.

"Damn it..."

"Want me to come with?"

You knew Riji would lie his ass of plus ten-fold and then some for you, as he had many times for you, but you shook your head.

"No, it's best not to lie and dig a deeper hole. I'll try and avoid lying but... if I need to..."

"Be careful, kid." Riji ruffled your hair, giving you a tight smile and thumbs up. "I'll be waitin' for ya."

"Thanks, Riji."

"Can't let that perfect spleen go to waste, that thing could make me rich."

"Aaannndd I'm leaving."

------

It was more daunting than the first time you came.

You weren't someone who was afraid to admit things like fear, anger, and sadness, but you weren't someone that would let that stop you anymore either. So, with a deep breath, you made your way into the school.

It was empty, not a single person could be seen walking around. You were sure people were here, otherwise, you would have been stoped at the gate.

"Can I help you?"

You jumped a little at the suddenness of the voice, but turning around you felt heat begin to rise to your face.

After your traumatizing experience with All Might, you had difficult opinions on heroes. But there were a few heroes you still believed in and even admired, and you were embarrassed to admit it but as a child, you may have crushed on them as well.

The man standing tall in front of you just happened to be one of those heroes.

Eraserhead.

His long raven hair ran down his back and some over his shoulders with a tuft in the middle of his face, his familiar scarf wrapped around his neck, and he was clothed in mostly black clothing.

You couldn't help but fangirl in your head as your heart raced.

Eraserhead, standing in front of you. He was so much taller than on the TVs in the shop windows. And, when you were lucky, you would see him sometimes scouting on night patrols.

"Look, kid, if you're just here to look around, you're gonna have to leave."

You let out... some kind of noise and wave your hand.

"N-no, uh, I'm here because well... I was asked to meet here?"

His eyes didn't change there uncaring stare but he did raise one of his brows. Reaching into your pocket you pull out the cramped paper, quickly uncrumpling it and showing it to him.

You felt so dumb right at that moment, you were in clothes that were too big for you, given to you by Riji, slightly still dirty and handing him your acceptance letter that you crumped in a fit of anger.

He didn't take the paper, but he did lean forward to get a better look. He read fast, letting out a sigh and turning down the hall.

"Follow me and don't touch anything."

You quickly and quietly followed behind, having to walk a bit faster because of the leg difference you two had. He took you to an elevator and you both started to take it up the building, the elevator seemed to be a staff only elevator because he took out his phone and placed it on a sensor.

As you rode the elevator in silence, you let your eyes drift over to him once or twice... or three or four-

"If you have something to say, say it, otherwise stop looking at me like that."

You jumped at being caught and you bowed towards him.

"I'm sorry, it's just... you've always been one of my favorite heroes... I didn't know you worked here."

He glanced over at you, looking you up and down, then turned forward again, staring at the inclining numbers of the floors.

"Not many fans of me out there..."

"I honestly prefer heroes who are stealthy or work to protect rather than the offensive, front line showy heroes..."

You felt those words start to grow bitter with every word you said, thinking only about your anger towards the flashiest hero in japan who just happened to be named number one as well.

"Hmm..."

That was his only response as the elevator stopped and the doors opened, then you began walking again. Then you had finally made it to a room, and looking at the label above the door you gulped.

"Principles Office"

"Principle Nezu is in there, you'll be having your meeting with him."

He then began walking away, and you quickly bow and thank him.

Turning back to the door, it was almost as if it was simultaneously getting close to you while also getting far away. With a shaky hand, you raised your fist and knocked on the door.

"Come in."

You shut your eyes tightly and opened the door slow, letting your head peak in first before fully walking in.

There, sitting at the desk was... someone. He looked like a mix of a mouse and... maybe a dog? ... Bear?

"Come in, Miss Uchukyuzo. I've been awaiting your arrival."

You gently closed the door behind you and benched forward, slowly sitting in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

He smiled at you and rested his hands together on his desk, while you sat with your hands clutched together in your lap.

"It's so wonderful to meet you in person, miss Uchukyuzo. Before we started, I'd like to congratulate you on your wonderful work in the practical exam. Second place is no small feat."

"Th... thank you, sir."

"Now, to get to the reason I made this meeting." He pulled out a folder that had your name on it, which made you wince.

Inside were only a few sheets of paper, but the one that caught your attention the most was one that had your name and birthday.

"Normally, we wouldn't make personal meetings like this with our students. However, you have no prior school record. Nor do you have any record at all, other than what is stated on your birth certificate and the files that state your ran away from your foster home at 5 years of age."

It felt like he was reading the book to your life, soon he was going to say how you have a love for dogs.

"Tell me, Miss Uchukyozo. Why should I let you into UA?"

This question was like a bullet through your chest, like putting salt in a wound. At first, you felt ashamed, it was the natural reaction to being called out for being homeless. For being someone people looked at as either a criminal or a rat.

Then you felt angry. Why should you feel this way? As if you had willingly chosen this life, as if you didn't have a reason to run in the first place.

"If you won't take me... I'll become the number one hero some other way." Your eye grew hard as you looked at him.

If this was his way of openly denying you entry into the school after telling you you were in, you were not amused.

"Everyone has a reason for wanting to be a hero. Money, power, glory. I've been pushed down, shoved aside, forgotten so many times... Well, not anymore. I'm going to be a hero that everyone knows, that everyone trusts. I'm gonna be the hero that is there for the people that the other heroes are 'too busy' for."

You glared at your clenched hands in your lap.

"I won't sit by in the shadows as a memory anymore," You looked up at him with determined eyes, your eyes glowing a bit from your quirk.

"I will become a hero, whether you take me in or not."

He stares at you for a moment, his face unreadable. The silence was deafening and you were about to get up since it seemed like he was telling you that you were no longer at the school.

"Well, then I suppose it's a good thing we will be accepting you!" He exclaimed, a large smile on his face as he opened his arms wide.

You felt like you were just smacked over the head, you felt yourself sweat as you hunched over and your brow twitched as you stared at him. This was one hell of an emotional roller coaster...

"What makes a hero a hero is the drive you just showed me now, and the drive you showed during your practical exam. You not only faced danger head-on, but you also worked together with a person you just meet, and you saved many in the process."

You're eyes go wide as you think back to that day, how you didn't run away from the bot even as Kirishima told you it was pointless, even as people ran. You stayed.

"Heroes can come from anywhere, no matter their past. Since, however, this is your first time in a school, we will be providing you with a few things to help you along the way."

You watched him hop out of his desk chair, walking over to a cardboard box labeled with your name, then he set it on one of the couches behind you. You stood and watched him pull out a few things, just to show you.

First, he pulled out a small card that looked to have your name on it.

"This will be your temporary library card. Once you are in school, you will have your permanent one. Not only does this card work for the school's library, but it also works for any other libraries you decide to visit outside school."

Putting it back, he pulled out a paper and handed it to you. Looking at it, it seemed to be a list of what was inside the box for you to take.

"Now, let me explain everything in this box, starting with the books."

-------

You'd never felt so tired just listening to someone for so long, he let you go after explaining... everything, including what school was going to be like. You would never complain, you liked learning new things, but... You could have just read the paper seeing as now it was pointless.

You carried the contents of the box in a UA themed school bag which he had given to you, it was mostly grey with green stripes and gold zippers. You felt off-put by something that looked so... expensive and new.

Granted, you don't really know how much a school bag costs, but you assumed this one wasn't cheap.

You were currently staring at the thing you were amazed by most, it was the library card. For normal people, you assumed it wasn't at all hard to get one. But for you...

Either way, you were excited to put it to use. You had learned a lot from books over the years of taking care of yourself, you had stolen many books in your time. You put them back of course, but that didn't stop you from getting in trouble at one point.

Now you had an actual card, which to you was like holding pure gold in your hands. You wanted to tell Riji all about what had happened, but you also wanted to grab as many books from the library as you could.

As you made your way to the local library Principle Nezu told you about, you had two different voices fighting in your head as you walked the sidewalk.

One was excited for the good luck you had gotten, praising Principle Nezu for his kindness and thanking whatever god was out there that gave you the chance. You could finally move forward in your life, you could finally show yourself to the world instead of hiding in dark alleys.

The other voice was pissed. Why were you suddenly given this chance? What did that 'Nezu' guy think you were, a charity case? It was sick of you taking the things handed to you by people who looked down on you. He didn't know anything about you until you went to that school, so why should you allow him to treat you any different than all the other students?

It was this tiring back and forth of being excited and angry, It was the joy of something new but the paranoia of what it will bring. You weren't new to being tricked into things, it happened more than a few times when you were a kid, but it certainly makes you wary of 'good' things.

You were then pushed to the side by a sudden force hitting your shoulder, you stumble and just barely catching yourself before falling into the street. You growl and glare at the person who knocked into you.

"Oi! Watch it asshole!"

The person quickly waved their arms around and apologized.

"Ah! I'm so sorry! I don't know what I was thinking! I wasn't paying attention and you weren't either-!! AH! No! I don't me to say you were at fault! Just that, but of us were distracted! Though, I was less so!! IamreallysorryIwasjustonmywaytothestoreand--"

He started rambling, and you looked more closely and actually recognized him.

"Hey," You stop him mid-rant, catching him off guard. "Aren't you the green-haired freckle boy that got called out during exam orientations?"

If you looked closely, you could see his soul leave his body. His whole face went red and he covered it, poorly, with his hands.

"Y-yeah... that... was me."

You rubbed your shoulder and chuckled, thinking back to really how embarrassing that was.

"Sorry, didn't mean to bring that scaring memory back up. I get how embarrassing that was, I felt it from where I was too."

He nods while you could practically see sweat pour out of him in bucket amounts, he was still red in the face and you held back on calling him a tomato. Really, if it was anyone else, you would have walked off already. But he was someone that had done the exam, and you hadn't talked to Kiri since you left a week ago.

"I just got back from UA actual. This may be too personal since we just met, but did you make it in?"

He quickly stopped blushing and stood straight, looking you in the eyes, then looked down and spoke in a sad tone.

"I... don't know, I haven't gotten my letter yet."

You hum, nodding. You could understand his disappointment, it's a pretty big thing for you as well.

"Well, if someone like me got in, there's no doubt in my mind you made it in."

You give his shoulder a pat, and he looked at you with a blank but also calculating excretion.

"Someone like you?"

You decide not to answer, giving him one last smile before turning away, then you stopped. Turning back you saw him looking at you expectantly, the back of your mind asking you why the few guys you've met already act like cute dogs.

"By the way, what's your name, or should I just keep calling you green-haired boy with freckles?"

His cheeks flushed as he looked at you with wide eyes.

"Eh! My names Midoriya Izuku!"

You smile, testing out the name on your tongue.

"Midoriya Izuku... Cute. Names Uchukyozo Y/n, but you can just call me Y/n."

You give him one last smile before turning down the street again, making your way as you mumbled to yourself, not at all aware of the teenage boy you just flustered to no end behind you.

"Now... where was that library again?"

------

"Well, well, well. Now, who's this fancy lookin' lady?"

You roll your eyes as you make your away into the alley, it was late evening already and your new UA school bag was not only filled with stuff Principle Nezu gave you, but stuffed in were a couple of small books while you carried the bigger books in your arms that you had (legally) narrowed from the library.

Riji looked you up and down like you were someone he's never seen before, so naturally, you play along.

You pretend to do hair flip since you were holding books, and you walked with your head held high and chest puffed.

"Why, it is I, queen who-gives-a-fuck the third. I've come from the land of stick-up-your-ass to announce I'm better than everyone, with my piles of money that I stole from lower class people to make me feel better about never being loved."

Riji put a hand to his chest as he gave a hearty laugh, patting you on the shoulder as he walked you over to the entrance of your 'home'.

"Well, kid, I'm assuming it went well. Seeing as you came back with more than you left with unless you stole all that. In which case, I'm proud of you."

You laugh and shake your head, looking down at and readjusting the books in your arms.

"They let me in, they were just a little confused as to why I've never been to school before... they didn't ask, just... prepared me for what it was going to be like."

Riji smiled and nodded, closing his eyes and putting a hand to his chin in thought.

"Ah, school. I remember when I went to school."

You gently set your books down on the ground that wasn't too dirty, then looked back up at him.

"You went to school?"

"Ha! I know, right? I don't look the part, but I went to school pretty regularly. That, of course, was before my old man married a troll who kicked me out as soon as I turned 18."

You leaned against the wall on your shoulder, looking at him sadly. You knew he didn't have the best life, no one on the streets did, but you also heard how close he and his father were. That he grew up just fine before his father remarried and he got kicked out, after that he couldn't really start out from anywhere since he had nowhere to live.

It's hard to find a job when you had no home, as employers just assumed you were on the streets for a bad reason and don't want to hire 'thugs'. You knew from personal experience.

"Were you good? In school, I mean."

He rubbed and sighed, looking off to the side.

"Not really, I was average at best. But, my old man didn't care as long as I was actively trying."

"What was it like?" You began to feel intrigued. "I got about a 2-hour lecture from a mouse/bear/dog Principle today about what it's like, but... I trust you more."

"A what?" He raises his eyebrows at you, but you shook your head.

"I'll tell you later, what was it like?"

"Well, it's hard to say what it will be like for you, school's different for everyone. For me, it was just... routine. I never joined clubs or did anything in school outside of what I was told so, it was always really plain for me."

Hearing this made you deflate a little, you had hoped to hear something better than that. As if he heard your thoughts, he shook his head.

"But, I knew some people who said school was the best thing ever and then never wanted to leave. They joined clubs, did activities, made friends, made plans with those friends, some even became good friends with their teachers."

Riji looked down at the pile of books you had, leaning over and picking up the one on top. The title read, "Astronomical theories: Black and white wholes to time travel.". He gently smiles at this, weighing the book in his hand which had to be over 2000+ pages.

He looked you in the eyes, and you looked back confused. You weren't really sure what he was seeing, he put the book down and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"School is what you make it. If all you do is the bare minimum, like me, all you'll do is drift threw. If all you do is complain about the learning or the studying or the people, you'll live to hate school. Or... You could find things you like, do things you like, make friends."

"Friends..." You thought back to Kiri, the sweet golden retriever like boy who basically saved your life during the practical exam. You also thought about the green-haired boy, Midoriya, who seemed to be a sweet boy as well if a bit nervous. You smiled at this thought. "Yeah, friends."

"Now, you'd better rest. You have till April for school to start, right?"

You nod with a hum and gathering up your books, you slide the wood board over and slide your way in. Turning back you saw Riji pulling the wood board back to its place, giving you one last smile.

"Congrats, kid."

----

The books were piled around you, 20 had been your limit which you were okay with.

You let out a yawn, ripping a small piece off a small food box you had and putting it in as a bookmark. You crawled out and pulled the hood of the dumpster down, ready to sleep off the long day.

Completely unbeknownst to you, a pro hero crouched on the building above your small hidden makeshift home. His goggles laid around his neck hidden in his scarf so he could watch you clearly, making sure you were alright.

He sighed at the sight of you hiding away to sleep inside a tipped over dumpster, angry that he couldn't do anything. Pulling his phone out of his pockets, he pressed a few buttons before putting it to his ear.

"... She safe... for now. .. Yes sir... Teachers aren't supposed to have favorites, especially not when school hasn't started... I'll watch her, sir. But something tells me... her star has only just begun to burn..."

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha x reader #bnha x female reader #mha x reader #mha x female reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou kastuki #katsuki bakugo x reader #x female reader

19 notes · View notes

onmywaytobe · 3 years

Text

Rejected Lines From My WIP

In celebration of my WIP Descendants of the Earth nearly being done, I’m going to be posting lines that I cut from the book as I was editing that I wanted to do something with. Most of the time, they were OOC, or they were too repetitive, or too purple prose-y.

So here they are for you to enjoy! Hope this is enough to whet your appetite while you wait for me to publish it somewhere y’all can read it... some of these are pretty wacky out of context so I guess you’ll have to just stay tuned for the final book so you can find out wtf is going on

Chapter 1

He hated the feeling. It happened to him often enough that he was used to it, but that didn’t make him like it any more.

Chapter 3

There was no sound but the crickets and the occasional frog as his friend disappeared into the deepening gloom.

Chapter 5

He was having enough fun that he had nearly been able to get his mind off of his father. He thought back to all of the long, sudden “business trips” Sam would take and wondered how many other missions he’d gone on for Brian Percival.

Chapter 9

He caught Margot and Logan’s voices the most, but couldn’t make out what they said. Owen started to worry. Am I dying? he wondered.

Chapter 11

They resembled little more than an undershirt and a loose pair of shorts, both cut from odd tan fabric. Cam of course looked like a model with all his bulging muscles, and Owen felt slightly self-conscious next to him, though less so when he looked at the other boys who wore the same thing.

Chapter 12

Cam gestured down to his leg, which was wrapped in a bandage made from fabric strips torn from his shirt. His toned stomach was now exposed, but that seemed a small price to pay for covering his burned flesh.

Chapter 13

Owen wasn’t completely sold on the idea, but as no one had a better one, they all began to prepare for an attack the following night.

Chapter 15

“Leave that to me,” Logan interjected. “I think I know a way around that.”

Owen frowned at Logan’s eagerness, but he supposed that if he were trying to prove his loyalty as a reformed bad guy he would also be eager for chances to help. The one thing that bothered him was that Logan hadn’t already gotten a car for them at the airport.

“Would you just tell us what the plan is already?” Owen said impatiently. “I wouldn’t keep interrupting if you just went a little faster,” he explained, seeing Margot was about to tell him off.

“I was just getting to it!” she exclaimed, but continued on a bit more quickly.

Cam looked slightly surprised that Owen was so confidently making a plan, and Owen was honestly a little surprised at himself, but he carried on.

Owen was starting to feel hopeful again, and it looked like Margot and Cam were feeling it too. Logan was the only one who still seemed dour, but that was his normal disposition.

Chapter 16

He felt like he could fly. He wanted to jump above the trees, touch the sun. He nearly tried, but common sense stopped him before he did anything too ridiculous. He had forgotten his mission and his friends, so absorbed was he with this newfound sensation of power.

There was altogether too much mountain behind him now.

It hit him in a sort of anticlimactic way how his life had become unbelievably strange.

Chapter 17

Owen wondered how he could take something so magical for granted. Yes, the sun went down every day, but what an exit it made! And every day would be different. Every sunset he saw was a sunset he had never seen before and would never see again. Something about this sunset hit him hard, left him feeling like his soul was gasping for breath. He felt reinvigorated to take on the world and keep on swinging.

Owen was unable to describe the sensation of Fire using words, he just knew that Cam was looking in the wrong place.

Chapter 18

But he’d made it this far; he wasn’t going to stop trying now. Mostly because he didn’t have much of a choice if he ever wanted to get back to civilization.

Chapter 19

When they had the ability to make anyone breathe underwater…

Owen turned away quickly to hide his grin. He didn’t want to scare Logan off with too much newfound camaraderie.

Now that they had stopped moving, Owen realized just how tired he was. The deep, heavy sort of tired that weighed down his bones. The sort of tired that pinned him down and when he blinked he forgot how to open his eyes for a moment. The trials of the last few days hit him all at once and he stumbled, grabbing onto Cam’s shoulder for support.

“I think we should rest,” he managed.

Cam nodded, drawing his arm across Owen’s waist to keep him upright. “Yeah, we can work out an escape plan tomorrow.” Margot didn’t look particularly tired, but she agreed nonetheless. Logan, too, was starting to fade, now that the adrenaline had worn off.

Cam helped Owen into the cave, and the moment his head hit the sand, he was out.

Chapter 20

They started back at camp. It was eerily quiet, none of the vibrant life and laughter that Owen had become accustomed to during his time there. He stood by the flagpole, turning in place to catch a glimpse of something, anything normal.

Lucas Mallory marched out of the dining hall, his footsteps echoing in the silence. He was wearing a long black cloak for some reason, and trailing behind him was Simon, who was looking much better than the last time he’d been with Owen. He was paler than usual, and his arm was wrapped in a sling, but he was upright. Clearly the Darkness had some kind of healing power over wounds inflicted by shades. Owen glared at the two of them and tried to go stomping over to confront them, but his feet felt glued in place. He was simply an observer, not allowed to interfere.

“Cabins! Roll call!” Lucas barked, his voice unnaturally amplified. Simon looked bored as campers hurried out of their cabins and stood in shaky lines. Owen had never realized how small a group of eighty kids could look until he saw them like this. He scowled as Lucas and Simon stalked down the lines. Most of the campers averted their eyes, but some, like Fabian, were giving the two of them death glares.

Owen’s heart leaped into his throat when he saw the Fire Head Boy. Fabian looked tired, and he had a black eye. The more he looked, the more Owen noticed campers with various injuries, more severe than the normal scrapes and bruises that came with balancing. He wasn’t left wondering why for very long– as Simon shoved an Earth boy roughly into place, someone with a bandaged hand stepped into his way. Lucas backhanded the boy, sending him sprawling to the ground. As he lifted himself to his feet, groaning, Owen recognized the boy as George.

“Careful, Mr. Evans,” Lucas Mallory purred. “You don’t want to end up like your friend Ms. Wallace, do you?”

Wallace? Owen didn’t know anyone with that last name. But as he looked around frantically, he realized that he didn’t see Diana anywhere. Oh no... What have they done to her?

Once again, Owen tried to pull himself free and rush towards Lucas and Simon as they continued through the ranks, but he was sucked into another dream.

He watched as several people in dark clothes ran past, trying to get away from a tornado that was hot on their heels. He was suddenly very glad that he and his friends never had to face anything like that to get the Air Ring, and realized what he was seeing was not in order.

One of the Darkness’s followers was unfortunate enough to be pulled into the sky with a scream, but another raised their hand and forced the tornado to take another path.

Chapter 21

It was one thing to go to the Darkness, and quite another for him to know they were there.

#dote #dote rewrite #my writing #owen #cam #margot #logan #long post #my favorite lines are the ones i cut bc i was too damn thirsty for cam lmao #also some of these are more like scenes and less like lines whoops #diana #simon #forgot they had tags too

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clownhara · 4 years

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I've been following you for a while but I dont know all that much about your OCs so how about a big resume of them all?? :DDD

I haven't really posted much about them on this account until recently so that doesn't really suprise me 😅 but yeah I absolutely can! Warning though this is going to be unbelievably long

I guess I should start off with Zensuke because he is THE gay purple cat. I named this blog after this guy. I made him when I was probably like 12-13 or around there so he had all the things you'd expect a repressed edgy kid's of to have. He was basically a demon who managed to get out of thier world's equivalent of hell and instead of doing anything evil he just made cake and got married to the guard who was supposed to kill him. I don't really do much with him anymore but I still love him very much.

Corbinian is probably the character I talk most about and he's the one I edit to fit into different worlds the most. He was a normal doctor but he got his memory wiped by robots and ended up working as an executioner for the robotic mafia, but eventually got caught and had to hide out in Lobotomy (he was originally a Lobotomy Corp oc) where he discovered he can extract abnormality dna and with some altering the dna can be injected into humans causing a variety of different mutations and effects. He's usually very heartless and manipulative, but does have a soft spot, usually for anxious, soft spoken people, who subconsciously remind him of his brother (who is a friends if so I can't really get into him). He also was given a variety of nicknames by the higher ups, like Corb, Corn chip, Corb on the Orb, or just Corn. Je

Corble is the result of Corb trying out human cloning. He has the same general appearance as Corbinian, but with purple hair (hence the name, because he's porble corb) that's styled differently. Since the experiment was technically a failure Corb was going to kill him, but Corble was really sweet and innocent and Corb basically went "well great guess I adopted my clone then". Corb stopped messing with cloning but adores Corble.

Might as well get all of my Lobotomy ocs out of the way. Oliver is the first Lobotomy oc I ever made, which is funny because I may or may not constantly forget that he exists. Oliver is basically a five year old kid in an adults body, and I mean that literally, because his parents basically locked him in a room and ignored him so his mental age is basically that of a kids. He's very mischievous and loves pulling pranks on people, most of which are harmless. Unless it's Corb, whom Oliver gates with a passion. Then it's thinly veiled murder attempts disgusted as pranks. He loves Fairy tales, and only works with fairy tale abnormalities because he panics with any other kind. Only one person in the entire facility can even put up with him, and that's Mabel.

Mabel is trans lesbian who can find the good in almost anyone. She's optimistic, bubbly, and has a great sense of humor. She tends to get really flustered around women though. Is it obvious I kinda projected onto her a bit? Because I did. If she wasn't in Lobotomy she'd definitely be a streamer. I'm just now realizing I basically made snapcube before I knew who that was. Whoops.

Up next is Adam! Adam is quiet, nervous, and honestly just prefers to not be noticed. Their ability to almost seamlessly blend into thier surroundings is astounding. Most people (me included) tend to just forget they exist. Which honestly is funny because they end up dating the loudest, most cocky person in the entire facility. Adam loves horror movies and spicy food.

Kieth is the loudest, most cocky person in the entire facility. He's the adopted son of a sephirah and the leader of the Rabbit team so that much is unavoidable. He's quick to anger, blunt, and tends to underestimate other people. However, he's also loyal to a fault, and willing to back his friends up no matter what. He feels like his mom's are expecting him to live up to expectations that he can't (and that they don't have but he doesn't realize that), so he's constantly throwing himself in harm's way to desperately try to prove to them that they made a good investment by adopting him or die trying. His two passions in life are collecting weapons and tending to rabbits, two of which he managed to train to sit on his shoulders and attack people. Despite being total opposites he loves Adam very much and will endure any horror movie with them, even if he's a huge scaredy cat.

Damien doesn't gave that much development, unfortunately. He came from a very religious household, moved out, and frequently gets possessed by an abnormality who makes him act like a cryptid. Totally normal stuff. He also went to law school.

Zephyr is a very, very serious individual. They've got a completely monotone color palette, speak either in short, blunt sentences or long, fanciful paragraphs with no in between, and tend to come off as cold and stiff. They're completely devoted to work, which is how they managed to become a captain. Despite this, they're very kind and caring, but unfortunately rarely get to show that side of themselves unless it's with Jamison, thier partner, both in crime and in the romantic sense. They also have a love/hate relationship with Owen, basically openly hating his guts but also enjoys thier banter and would hate if anything genuinely awful happened to them or his family.

Jamison is the complete opposite of Zephyr. He's an open book, very colorful, and tends to slack of when Zephyr isn't looking. Not on purpose, he just tends to get distracted most of the time. He's quite popular because he's very cheerful, which is rare in the higher ranks of Lobotomy. He'd absolutely die for Zephyr, and us usually the one who patches thier wounds. He really doesn't like Owen and thinks thier a pain in the ass, but keeps that to himself most of the time.

Owen is..... Interesting. I kinda went buck wild with him not gonna lie. He's one of the oldest son's of the God of Nightmares and Fire, an absolute agent of choas, and a campy fashion nightmare. But... I love them. They're both unbelievably obnoxious and also very caring. He's the kind of character you'd love but also hate at the same time. He also ended up becoming the God of Death in one timeline. If he wasn't God they'd probably run makeup guru/cursed amsr YouTube channel. Honestly he'd still run those as a God though. Also gender is a toy store and Owen is a kid who broke in after dark and is running along pushing all of the assorted genders into a cart while laughing maniacally (they use any pronouns but I stuck to just he/him they/them for this little snippet)

Alright, Lobotomy ocs done. Up next is.... Ugh... Octavious. He's originally a Danganronpa oc, the shsl gossip, and he was made to be a villian and by God does it show. He's the most fake, back stabbing, two faced character I've ever made. He's also the most one dimensional, which was actually intensional. He has no personality beyond being a petty, lying bitch, so when he runs out of lies and rumors to spread he goes into an existential crisis about how he has virtually no identity until he makes some new lie up about some random person. He's also abusive towards his younger sibling Aspyn, whom he has both physically and emotionally scarred. And, the icing on the "fuck this guy" cake, he's incredibly obsessive over his "wife" Melissa, who wants nothing to do with him and never even dated him, let alone married him. Basically he's a horrible, lying, abusive stalker. He also dresses exclusively in eye burn pink since the most poisonous bugs are usually brightly colored. Fuck Octavious, all my homies hate Octavious.

Next is Melissa, who honestly wasn't much better before her arc. She was raised to believe that in order to truely succeed in life, you have to ensure others fail. She, unfortunately, took that advice to heart. Get arc consisted of learning that we all can succeed together and that actively fucking other people over just made her an awful person, so she changed her behavior and tried to help people from then on out. She's incredibly meticulous, organized, and really smart. She still has issues trusting, but she's getting better. She has a crush on Octavious's younger sibling, but absolutely despises Octavious.

Aspyn is a quiet, caring individual who has no confidence both due to Octavious and just how they were raised. They are an incredibly skilled doctor, however, managing to perform amazingly in several different fields. They are, however, very defensive about thier passions, quick to insult anyone who questions them, mainly due to Octavious. They have a huge crush Melissa, but is to afraid to ask her out. Also they wear an eye patch because Octavious messed up one of thier eyes.

Hooo boy where to start with Edward. He's really inconsistent between universes, but the main constants are his power (he can trade bodies with people), him and Max getting together, him being a huge bookworm, and somehow he usually ends up being my self inserts dad???? Hos other aspects tend to change. Sometimes he's a power hungry megalomaniac who's trying to take over the world and will crush anyone and everyone who gets in his way or isn't useful to him, using his power evily to stay young forever by trading bodies with his kids and killing them when they're in his body. Other times, he's a fairly calm, if not a little cold, man whos biggest crime is the occasional tax evasion, who's power is more of a curse, causing him to stay alive forever through a series of unfortunate coincidences. Either way he's fun to write

Max is one of my favorite characters. He loves baking, his friends and family, he isn't too bright but no one holds that against him. Unfortunately, no matter which side of Edward it is, he's hopelessly in love with him, which can lead to his downfall. He's very protective of his cousin Heron, and tries to protect the innocent, which he usually doesn't end up doing thanks to evil Edwards manipulation. I also somehow failed to mention he's a plant man and flowers sprout wherever he walks and he can control plants but I couldn't find a good way to fit that in naturally.

Heron is half a plant man, in the worst possible way. He has rose vines instead of blood, which feels exactly how you think it would. Magic keeps his alive luckily, but it's unbelievably painful. Most of him and Max's family died when they were young, and unlike Mac who ended up on the streets, Heron ended up in an orphanage, where he learned at a young age that he shouldn't get close to anyone because if he does, they'd die. He genuinely believes that, and the only person he thinks is immune, is his cousin Max, who he even still expects to drop dead. Heron mainly fights by breaking his skin so his vines will grow rapidly and trap and kill his attacker, which looking back is uh. Kinda symbolic. I didn't do that on purpose but it fits

Eden is an angel, who was outcasted from heaven after being framed for a crime they didn't commit. They don't understand how humans work, but is trying thier best to fit in. He's one of the few beings Heron trusts, and even still Heron doesn't trust them much because of Eden's ability, being able to control holy flames. Eden is stoic and aloof, with an odd sense of humor. He insists that him baking using his holy flames is a form of training. Despite them claiming to be above human emotions, they very much are not above them and he is actually quite emotional.

Avocado is one of Herons old friends, who fell victim to Herons "luck" (aka they died). They are a drider (basically spider centaur) who came from a large family of drider thieves. They are very quiet and kind, which they use to thier advantage, since one would thing they'd steal small objects from people's houses or pickpocket them, which Avocado very much does. While they're fairly weak in combat thier thieving skills are not to be underestimated.

Grape is Avocados older sibling, and they are very serious and quite rude. Grape wants to kill Heron to avenge thier sibling, but ends up getting caught robbing the wrong person and ends up having to join the person's kids adventuring party.

Apple is the oldest drider sibling, and ends up taking a motherly role for all of the younger kids. They had to grow up incredibly fast, and has to make all of the hard decisions in place of thier dying father. Desperately needs a break.

There's more spider siblings but there isn't much info on them

Both Sherry and Theodore Poser are mainly just there because I have them really fun designs and don't really have a personality. Sherry's kinda hard to draw though

#this took forever but oh well #im also not tagging every individual oc lol #asks #aki no nyo #gay purple ocs #gay purple posts #long post

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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 5 years

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alpha/beta are carol/daryl foils: an analysis no one asked for; twd s10 spoilers, obviously

hoo boy. okay, so i’ve been intending to write this for days, but i had to let it marinate, and also i haven’t been sleeping and couldn’t concentrate long enough to write it down, but whatever, i digress. “we are the end of the world” was something, wasn’t it?? it is so weird to have a plotline in twd that’s like...good? and SO refreshing to have a villain who isn’t a macho, rapey, white dude. i personally believe that all showrunners should be women from now on. oh, i’m digressing again, my apologies.

here’s the actual content, under the cut bc it’s a fucking novel:

so, from alpha’s very first episode, when i saw her shaving her head, i literally thought, “oh, so she’s carol’s foil and they’re going to have an inevitable showdown, huh?” guess who was right? this bitch. but what i didn’t catch right away was how beta is also daryl’s foil, and how the main focus of this season is alpha/beta vs carol/daryl.

let’s take it apart individually first, yeah?

carol vs. alpha:

like i said, the scene that made me instantly aware of what they were setting up was when alpha shaved her head. carol’s hair was a big thing in season 9, and the fact that we had just had henry talking about carol growing her hair out long, juxtaposed with alpha shaving hers off, is what set the alarm bells off for me. i have said over and over that i don’t believe kang does anything unintentionally, and girl loves her symbolism, so those two opposing scenes was a taste of what she was setting up.

carol and alpha are both near-indestructible forces who also happen to be mother’s suffering the loss of their children at the hand of the other. (carol isn’t directly responsible for lydia, but she’s included with “the others” that took lydia from alpha, so i think alpha still sees her as part of it.)

carol and alpha both have transformed themselves to fit within the confines of the world they currently live in, while recognizing that their children weren’t meant for it, even within their own grief. let us refer to figures a and b (lol) below.

figure a:

here in “the grove” we have creepy girl who i hate and am terrified of asking carol if sophia died because she was weak, and carol straight up is like, “yes.” she doesn’t even sugarcoat it. she accepted that her daughter wasn’t going to survive from the jump, because “there wasn’t a mean bone in her body.”

figure b:

here we see alpha losing her goddamn shit, because she’s having a come-to-jesus moment with beta about losing lydia, because she can’t have lydia and be the alpha at the same time, because lydia “is not like” her.

conclusion: carol and alpha both mourn for their daughters, but have accepted that to be the people they need to be in the apocalypse, their children needed to die (or in lydia’s case, be dead metaphorically). in short, carol and alpha are two sides of the same coin. they’ve both found ways to survive, except one is for the good guys, and the other is for the bad guys, and now they’re head-to-head, and it is d e l i c i o u s.

moving on.

daryl vs beta:

idk why the parallels didn’t occur to me when they had daryl fighting beta. i blame henry, he was distracting me by being a delightful idiot (rip my dumb bitch), but that seed was planted in season 9, too. go kang for continuity. who knew twd could do that? anyway.

the big thing that compares daryl and beta is who they were before they found carol and alpha respectively. we obviously don’t know a whole lot of details about beta’s life, but we have enough to extrapolate and compare, and extrapolate and compare we shall.

alright, so we got our favorite lovable, filthy redneck, who grew up abused and isolated, and then here comes the apocalypse, and the only person he has left is his brother, and that’s what defines him until he loses him, both when rick chained him to a roof, and then again, after a brief relapse, when merle sacrificed himself.

next we have beta, who again, our info is limited, but he does not become “beta” until after whoever that walker alpha puts down is gone. judging by the size, approximate age, and the closeness beta had to him, i’m betting on, you guessed it, his brother.

observe:

figure a:

figure b:

these are both turning points for these men, where they Fully Become the dudes that we know. daryl couldn’t be the daryl we know and love until merle was gone for good, and whatever his actual name is couldn’t become beta until smiley face shirt guy was smooshed.

(side note: how fucking rank does that t-shirt have to be by now? at least the mask dries out, but do you think that t-shirt is just like, melded into beta’s skin at this point? gross.)

so time for the fun part.

alpha/beta and caryl in season 10:

season 10 finds both duos in similar circumstances, by which i mean, alpha and carol are losing their minds, and beta and daryl are like, “uhhhh, you ok?” the men are these women’s confidants, their person, the one they trust and love above all others. carol saved daryl and brought him into a community, and alpha did the same thing with beta. you want more visual aides? well, sure thing, scout!

figure a:

we’re carylers, we already know carol’s the reason daryl has the confidence and self-esteem to become part of the group, but juxtapose this with the following pic, which i will label

figure b (again):

and you will see that alpha sees something in beta that no one else does. she sees this lonely, talented man, who’s adrift and in solitude, and she essentially calls dibs. sound familiar? inorite?

so daryl and beta are now loyal to a fault to their women, and this season already has them being wary of how they’re acting. yes, i have more pictures. i like taking screenshots, okay?

figure a:

one of the first scenes we get with caryl is daryl asking carol if she’s still thinking about alpha, and if she is Dwelling, which is interesting, because...

figure b:

...that’s exactly the same thing we get with alpha and beta. the first scene in “we are the end of the world” with the two of them in present day is him questioning her motives, and then later on he’s like, “fuck, are you Dwelling?”

and both women immediately are like:

and neither dude knows wtf to do about this, because they’re used to the women being the strong ones. carol’s whole, “you’ve got to feel it, but not me, i’m good repressing, conceal don’t feel” thing, mixed with alpha’s, “we’re living like the dead and the dead don’t feel emotions so obviously I Am Fine” motto is what their boys are used to, but suddenly carol is hallucinating dead children, and alpha is making shrines, and our poor dudes are like, “plz stop???” esp bc they know these women are FUCKING TERRIFYING, and should never be left to their own devices if they’re being crazy crackers.

ergo, both men are clinging to the hope that they can bring the women back from the brink. my last visual aides, yes i know, how sad:

figure a:

figure b:

both scenes have these dudes reaching out to their women and essentially expressing, in their own way, “i’m worried about you, can you plz stay within eyesight at all times, ilu,” bc neither daryl nor beta is equipped to have a nice long sit down conversation about feelings, and obviously carol and alpha wouldn’t bother to entertain it in the first place, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. they tried.

will it work? unlikely! because after that showdown at the end of both eps 1 and 2, these bitches ain’t about to stop for nothing. they just straight up made enemies for life, and they’re going straight harry potter with this shit, neither can live while the other survives, someone has to die, and while beta and daryl are not super on board with this whole “being bonkers and bent on revenge” thing, you better bet your ass that they’re going to make sure their woman is the winner, which means they automatically are paired up against one another as well.

so in a nutshell: we could have just stuck goatees on mmb and norman reedus, cast them as alpha and beta, and called them mirror!verse caryl (star trek reference, yay/nay?), because they’re mother fucking foils setting up for the mother fucking fight of the century, and oh my god, can you feel it in your bones how exciting it is that it’s not going to be a rick + negan dick measuring contest again? i am So Hype.

and ofc, as a hardcore caryl shipper, i obviously have to throw in that alpha and beta are totally in love (which is esp fun, bc whisperers aren’t supposed to feel love, uh oh, vulcan violation, yes i made another star trek reference, bite me), and if they are paralleling caryl, well...extrapolate from the evidence.

i love kang, you guys. i love how she tells a story. i love that she knows how to tell a story. this show is good again, and idk how she did it, but damnit, she did.

thus endeth my pointless critical analysis. forgive me. i was an english major and have absolutely no other use for my degree.

i’m ashamed too.

that’s all. tomorrow is the early release of the caryl episode, i mean the new episode. looking forward to dying a valiant death with the lot of you. until then, friends.

deuces,

-diz

addendum: i was editing this, and was trying to think if there’s a parallel to the bracelet scene, and the only thing i could think of that alpha gives beta is his mask. she encourages him to take the face of his brother(?), and that keeps him grounded, which is interesting, bc my prediction for the bracelet is that it’s going to end up being a grounding device for carol when she’s dissociating. i don’t have a solid conclusion drawn there, but i thought i’d mention it before posting, just to plant the seed.

k, done 4 real, bye

#alpha/beta #do they have a ship name?#bc i'm worried it's gonna get tagged in that weird kink stuff #gdi #whatever #moving on #caryl #carol peletier #daryl dixon #twd s10 spoilers #twd #dunlap tp

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