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inmomni · 2 years

Text

No. 20

Dear _____.

8/4/2020 - 5:50pm

It's been 2 days since we ended things...

I miss you already.

I've been listening to music nonstop.

I feel like I am the biggest simp, but idk if you knew that since ive been with you since the time I knew you. I realized that with everything that happens in my life that is noteworthy, I really want to share it with you. I have been recently training to follow the Korean doctor. And I've been really wanting to tell you. It's been hard hahaha. The work. Well everything else too but the work specifically. I have to keep like 7 timers in my head at all times and think of the best way to order those timers and future timers, while at the same time listening to everything going on in the background, and literally everything. So I'm learning slowly hahaha. Today was day 2 of training. For the week. So I'll be training next week and practicing when I can. Anyways. Things are hard. Overall. I called up Kris and Ian yesterday. After work. Honestly. I decided to drink and smoke after work. I know that goes against what... What I need to do to get back to you. But. I. It just hurts to much. And. Yeah. I miss you so much. I'm at tears when I'm thinking about it. Honestly this training at work couldn't come at a better time. I'm trying to jump start myself to help train to get better at following the doctor. So I'm trying to work more hours and practice as much as I can. But honestly this is just at work. When I get home I just collapse. I don't have the energy to face my family. Nor do I want to talk to them. Idk. After we ended things. I called my dad to come pick me up.

That was a mistake.

I just felt more alone at that point. He had to go get gas and wanted me to order food from Kokos to-go to take home but. That delayed the trip 1 hr and I was dying the entire time. And we got home and he thought that a beer was going to fix it. But he was just trying to control the situation as he normally does. And my mom didn't get it. Idk. She.

Gah I'm starting to think I'm deaf. Or crazy. Cause I try listening. But I just don't feel like they get it. Maybe it's my insecurities. Idk.

But I can't help but keep thinking if you're okay. If you're safe.

If you're surrounded by people you love. Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit to how much I meant to you. But that may just be my insecurity again.

I wish I wasn't so in my head. I wish I wasn't so weak. I wish I could just run towards what I knew was important right now.

I feel so broken.

But I know I can't feel like that.

And I can't afford to feel like that.

And I can't get you back if I do feel like this.

But I do.

And I don't know. How to pick myself up

To love myself.

Even right now I'm killing myself in my mind for being drunk right now. For being high right now. In the middle of a park. After work. Without anyone knowing. Other then you I guess. I don't think I am worthy of being loved. Idk. It's been harder to think otherwise after we ended things. Which isn't what the plan was. But. Idk.

I miss you.

8:45pm

I'm on my way home now. I told my family that I'd be hanging out with my friends but I was alone all day. Other than calling Caleb. I talked to him for about an hour and half. But I was just exploring LA myself after work. Echo Park is really pretty. If we. We should try to go there some day. I think you'd really like it. Idk. I'm simping on the bus too. Idk. Sigh. This sucks. I miss you.

8/6/2020 - 5:19pm

Hi.

I miss you.

It's weird.

It comes in waves...

It doesn't just sit. But its always in flux,

getting bigger and bigger, then suddenly grinding to a halt - leaving me dazed and heavy, as if all of the inertia of emotions crash into the front of my head. Lifeless. Suppressed by vacancy. I'll think of things. Like Disney. Cause one of my patients. Yeah...

I haven't talked to my parents in a couple of days. I've been in my room constantly. I haven't felt this alone before. And maybe I'm sick because I still don't think anyone gets it. And. I wish I could just fix this and come back to you. I'm cleaving onto work. Its going by quickly these days. I feel dead inside. And I can't imagine what you must be feeling. Maybe. This is my way of self harming by thinking like this. But I'm thinking that you're okay, not torn up, which doesn't make sense. But throughout the day I'll get thoughts that you don't care. Which undermines how much you must be hurting right now but.

8/9/2020

Dear _____,

It's been now a week since we ended things. And I know I said that I'd contact you after to kind of close things out but. Honestly. I can't bring myself to call or text you right now. Love I'm such a wreck right now. Even you'd be shocked if you saw. I don't know how to do this. It's been harder to breathe lately. My chest feels heavy and tight. I'm just thinking if you're feeling the same. Or if you feel lighter.

8/12/2020

Dear _____.

I've tried to quit like 3 times in the past week. And I've made so many deals with myself.

I am starting to feel hopeless. Well I don't know. Everything hurts. I'm trying to work more. But that just fills up time. Everything. Hurts. I feel. I miss you so much. I miss you so much. My lungs feel raw with every breath.

8/13/2020

Dear ______.

I'm at work right now, and I was doing okay, but I just heard your ringtone for the first time since. My stomach is on the floor right now. Hahaha I just. Stopped in my tracks. It hurts a lot.

I finally changed my wallpaper today.

It's funny that I keep writing these. Maybe I'm hoping I'll be able to show you one day. I don't know. I need to go back to work.

Hey. I'm off work now. I was just thinking. I imagined the worst case scenario for us. You know. I get heavily addicted. You know the rest. But I never could have imagined. I mean I knew it would be miserable. But. Honestly.

I didn't think. That it would literally hurt to breathe every single time. Or that things that remind me of you wouldn't just be a memory, but a bullet wound. Wincing at everything that reminds me of you. Today, every time there was a bad patient, a wonderful one with whom I had a long and meaningful conversation. You were part of all of it. And I didn't even get to... Maybe it's. I did know it when I had it, maybe I just miss it so much since it's gone. Maybe I did think you'd be there always. I don't know, I know that I didn't think that. And I talked to myself like that so I wouldn't take advantage of you. But. I don't know. Just thinking you're not going to be there. Or that you might not. My heart breaks. Every time I think of you. I just blocked you on Facebook. I've been noticing you've been posting pictures of you and Yoshi. It's been hard to think that you're.... Deleting me from those memories. Cause. Yeah. I hope you're doing okay. I don't know if you are. You're probably not. But my mind is telling me that you are doing the best you have in 3 years. Because I'm not with you...

I've been hating myself more these days.

Baby I miss you so much. And I hate myself for not being able to get out of this. What. What if I finally get into a facility. And get clean the expensive way. And I do all of this. And...and. You moved on.

I haven't been trusting myself that I love you for a long time. Because I haven't dated. And the things you'd tell me. About how your ex's would do things and always want to be with you. But I wasn't like that so you didn't feel wanted. But. I finally think that I know. 200% now that I do love you and you were the one for me and I was thinking of that all along. Cause of how much it hurts right now. Because of how much... Mindy I want to die. I don't have any hope right now. I don't. And I'm trying to find it.

I need someone to help me. I can't do this on my own... I can't do this anymore... I don't know what to do anymore...

8/15/2020

Dear _____.

I was hospitalized yesterday again. For DKA again. I wish you were there. I was in so much pain, like the most I've felt in a while. And in a way. I kind of miss it right now. Except for the nausea. And the vomiting. But the pain. Finally seemed to match my feelings inside. I tried really hard to not blow up at people. But. I. It's hard. Cause... I don't know what's wrong with me. I hope you are drawing people closer to you. Not like me.

I blew up at Kris and Ian too yesterday. We were supposed to go to Joshua tree. But. I didn't know we were going. I didn't want to go. And I got hospitalized. And I was so stressed. And they were trying to get me to them to go. And it was just so. Stressful. I came home by Uber. I needed insulin cause these dimwits at the hospital were pumping me with glucose and not insulin for like over an hour. And that made me so angry. And it made me realize that I don't feel heard with anything. And I realized that. You were the only one I felt safe with. I just didn't know it either because I was on guard so much. You did make me feel safe. But my experience with every other person, namely my dad, made my insecurities something else. I couldn't stop crying last night. I. I screamed at my dad yesterday. I was so. He was literally ignoring what I was saying right in front of me. Like I was so stone cold sober that I could see everything. And all the potential damage over the years. Literally he asked me what I needed from him. And I told him. And he. It's literally the shit I did to you. But he didn't get it. And he never will. I saw that so clearly yesterday. And. After reflecting on all my relationships other than you. I have never fully opened up about my hurt since Caleb in highschool. Other than you and Caleb and not even Caleb, there was no one that took the time to understand or be there for me. My mom was dealing with her own shit. No one at church cared. My dad never understood. And I would lie to myself saying that he did understand and he did hear me. But year after year I still was not understood. Maybe I'm just crazy as shit. Deranged as shit to this point where I can't trust anyone. And I don't know what to do. What do I do with all of this hurt and pain. Why is God not showing up. If he's supposed to be the father that understands all, all of human experience. I wonder if he understands how to be a diabetic. Or if all the relations are indirect. What it's like to constantly be under stress. Or. Maybe his shit was worse. So that's that. I mean. Your mom died. And you had to deal with that. By yourself. Isolated. I can't imagine what that must have been like. Then to add additional trauma. Who am I. Right? What is my shit compared to you. Or my dad. Probably feeling abandoned by my grandparents. Came to the states. And had to provide for himself all throughout college. Never taking handouts. And graduated and built this life for himself. Or my mom. Dealing with mental illness when no one else understood. Or knew of that. Who am I. I'm just some insignificant little shit who can't deal with the world and has to stay high all the time to do or function. Otherwise I get swallowed by my thoughts. But no one gets that.

Since I've been so high functioning.

That's my. That's what people know me as. Any less. It's. Not acceptable. And I'm not doing my best.

Maybe I just can't deal with it. Maybe I can't deal with anything. My brain is just so soaked in shit.

I miss you.

I need- I miss you.

8/16/2020

Dear _____.

I've nearly succeeded in pushing everyone away from me. It hurts. But at the same time. It feels right. I feel protected and so exposed at the same time.

I'm waiting on people to give up on me. Maybe so then I could kill myself and it wouldn't be so bad. That whole idea of... Yeah.

Today marks 2 weeks since. And things have just gotten worse. And I don't know what to do. I've been crying a lot lately hahaha. Like a lot. Like I'll just burst any given second. I don't want to be here anymore.

I don't want to keep hurting and struggling. Am I pathetic for not being able to handle this? If I die, will it justify everything I'm saying? Or further solidify the fact that I was just some mentally incapable fool that did nothing but waste resources.

8/21/2020 - 11:45am

Dear _____.

This is actually the first time I've been awake without being awake for work.

I've been...avoiding. To say the least. This week has just been work. Literally. I did nothing else other than work. I'm getting trained to follow for Dr. Roe. I had my first afternoon doing it on my own hahaha. I think the doctor likes me. He's been teaching me too how to scribe for him and stuff. More work on his part so I appreciate it. But it also means he's okay with me being his assistant too.

Why can't I find the same validation I find in work in everything else. At work. Well. I don't know actually. Maybe I'm working so hard because I'm so afraid of being useless.

But.

I've been. I hope you're doing better than me. I really mean that. I've been crying all week. I still.

Baby I miss you. And I'm so ashamed to face you at this point. I just. Part of me hopes you threw me away at this point.

I'm really fucked up. And. I don't see. I don't have any hope. And I have been. Trying. In my own way. In. Fuck. Like I have been. GOD. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO JUSTIFY THAT. I HAVE BEEN IN SO MUCH PAIN. AND THE ONLY THING I. AYE. MEEEE. I CAN HELP COPE IS TO BE ASLEEP. DRUNK. UNCONSCIOUS. BECAUSE. I AM IN THAT MUCH PAIN. and why do I feel like no one gets that.

I've cut off my parents. That's new. I tried. With my dad. I really did. I realized that. I really wanted to trust him. And I did trust him. To carry me. To be there for me. Cause I didn't. I didn't trust anyone else. I kept all my eggs in one basket cause I remember thinking: "if I really am backed into a corner, my dad will understand."

Well fuck that. And that's where my insecurity came from. I have fucking daddy issues.

And. I. I'm just tired. Ian and Kris are i don't know, fucking butt hurt. I'm not talking to my parents. Caleb and Tony. Don't make me laugh. Rob. Same shit. Josh. I don't know.

I am alone.

I've been listening to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi on repeat.

I know. What a fucking simp

Yeah.

"I'm going under and I feel this time there's no one to save me."

That's the first line.

8/27/2020

Dear _____.

I just passed by Anza and Del Amo on the bus. I don't know if you know... You probably don't lol it's an intersection that I pass driving to Adrianne's house. My heart is still. Hurt. And raw. I know I haven't written in a while. But I think I tried to stop thinking about you. It didn't work obviously. But. Yeah. I went to SJ last weekend to hang out with Caleb, Josh, and Tony. It's interesting. Tony is more of a person I can talk to now. He's at a place in his life where he is trying to become a better person. Be someone that he loves himself and is proud of, prioritizing his own happiness and finding ways to accomplish that. Josh is in the process of recovering from a toxic environment. His startup failed and apparently he had a bad relationship with his business partner Felix.

I don't know. Just. After thinking and focusing on my pain so much. I came to realize, I don't know if this is the right way but I came back to the point of saying that "my shit is in a sea of shit." Not in like a bad way I think, meaning that I am acknowledging my own hurt, but now the question shifted from "fuck everyone else and look at my pain" to "I want to scream and yell and make everything about my pain, but literally everyone is going through something and has gone through something, so...

Now what.

What do I do with my pain while still surrendering the selfishness I so desire and want to exude. What is the mature way to go about handling my pain, even when everything is so painful. Even when I'm contemplating going to a facility.

8/28/2020 - 5:30am

I'm going to work.

I was really low in the middle of the night and stupidly I asked my dad for help again. And seeing things, how he's going about his protocol... I'm tired. I feel like a piece of shit.

8/28/2020

Dear _____.

I just finished work and I'm waiting for my last bus in Torrance. I don't know what to say to you. I've been rehearsing a message in my head for so long. I don't know how it will come off to you. Tomorrow is a. Significant day for you. And I don't know if I should text you or not. Or try to call you.

It's the day your mom passed away. And I made sure to have it in my phone to remember every year. And I just got the notification. And my heart is now heavy. I've been dying for the past month. Since we ended things. Like. I feel like I know myself more but at the same time I don't know what I am becoming. I'm so full of anger and resentment towards my family and my past that I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I have just been sedating myself. Day after day so I don't think or feel. Now I'm listening to a song called "Lost without you" by Freya Ridings

8/30/2020

Dear _____.

I. am full of so many emotions. but that isn’t your fault.

9/3/2020

Dear _____.

Time is going so slowly. Addiction sucks because even when you want to stop. Even. when you're so disgusted in yourself, you can't. I'm hungover right now at work. Because I couldn't sleep last night. And I am hating myself for it and wondering what the hell I'm going to do at home. I just want to fast forward to... I don't even know what to look forward to anymore. I'm beyond nauseous. I hate nausea. I'm so tired. Of micromanaging my mood. My body. How I feel. I just want it to stop. Everything.

Just stop. Silence. Peace. Calm.

9/16/2020 - 11:20pm

Dear _____,

I miss you

But that’s normal. You were my best friend, my person, for over 10% of my life, and quantifying it that way just makes it seem a lot more significant. But honestly, i don’t know if we’re doing this right, well I don’t know period, but. Its hard, just re-reading what you sent me, and I don’t know if you feel the same way either with what I wrote. I talked to Roy today about, well, everything I couldn’t tell anyone for a couple weeks now. I- well, he mentioned that moving out and getting out of this environment might be something that I should consider as its something within my grasp and something that I can control.

And I’m thinking that I can’t afford it. I’d need roommates, a car, and insurance. All which my paycheck would maybe barely cover. But, a;kfjsl;kfjsadl;kfjsal;f. Goodnight.

9/26/2020

Dear _____.

Have you forgotten about me yet.

It's a thought that I'm juggling around lately. iOS 14 came out. It's making things harder more recently because my phone is just full of you.

10/28/2020

Hey _____.

It's been a month since I talked to you. I keep finding myself checking on your Instagram. Cause your active there. And for some reason. You unblocked me.

I know you did it a while ago. But. Why?

I... I'm still. In the same place. I feel. I hope you're doing better. Seems like you are. I'm scared you'll leave me in the dust. Because. That would mean I was just the one holding you back. And. That's what I think... These days. I've managed to push everyone away. Hahaha... Yeah. I'm just looking at myself. And thinking of all that you suffered through. You were the only one that cared about me that I was confident that you did.

Yet.

I pushed you away to.

And I feel like. I'll never deserve you. Or see the day that I'll be okay enough to have you again.

I'm sorry

I'm terrible.

I miss you.

11/07/2020

Hey _____.

I miss you like crazy. It really hasn't changed since August. I don't know about you. I hope you're doing better.

I. I haven't been writing to you because it's been really painful to think. Really. Everything still reminds me of you. I hope Yoshi's still okay..

11/29/2020

11:40am

Hi _____.

It's been a while since we've talked. Hahaha this is a record...

I actually spent a dream. Going over this message over and over again. Which is why I'm messaging you now.

Ummm. I hope you've been well and healthy. And happy.

I just have so much to apologize for. My mind's more in a settled place than a couple months ago... Well I had more to think through and such. So I was hoping, whenever you're in the area, that we could talk again if that's okay with you.

I see why you said sorry when you texted me last time. I don't feel like I have any right reaching out, jeopardizing any progress that you may have made, but at the same time how conceited of me to think that. So in recognizing that you're doing your own thing and being fully capable of handling things, I'm reaching out.

I hope you've been finding more pockets of time to...

I miss you. And I realize how much I did depend on you for things. And I'm sorry. For putting so much on you.

I hope we can talk soon... And if not that's okay too.

Okay, bye.

11/29/2020

8:33pm

i can’t believe it was you all along

cause the moment you left, so did my breath

i didn’t steward my gifts correctly

not realizing that what was here

was the thing i most desired.

Your safety, love, i rejected

how could i not recognize it?

Because it was foreign,

never attainted, never expected

and furthermore

never fulfilled.

But there it was,

labeled by me, whose vocabulary

only went to the extent of

“needy”… How-

wisdom is folly to the fool.

You took me through boot camp,

and i had the audacity to call it

“traumatized”, well in a sense yes,

but 20/20, looking back,

started the foundation for me not to follow down the same marriage problems as my parents.

You…

were a mirror.

I, saw myself,

flaws and all, removing the smoke from my misconceptions.

From my broken ideals from life that were indeed passed down

from a broken individual,

from whom you saw issues,

from which I was shaken, but shrugged off.

I didn’t believe it.

“Your dad controls a lot of your life”

“He makes a lot of decisions for you”. . .

You were right.

and as I type that i choke up at the memory of you gloating. With a smirk, looking as lovely as ever.

Cupping your ear as if you didn’t hear me the first time.

Just to earn an encore and a kiss.

i miss you. And I’m sorry.

You were the plugs in my insecurities

but without knowing, i called it suffocating.

You know what i miss the most?

Having the option… No rather seeing your mad face when I didn’t tell you I was in the emergency room.

I was hospitalized. and all i could think about, through the sweat, vomit, and burring in my chest, was the image of you, sitting in the chair across from me, holding my hand, concerned.

I miss that. I think. I did that once. With you.

I was so stupid.

I’m sorry.

I miss you.

12/6/2020

4:12pm

Hey _____

About Wednesday. I've been giving it a lot of thought, thinking about my intentions and what i'd want to say. But it just all really boiled down to the fact that I just want to talk to you. Don't get me wrong, I do have things I want to say and thank, there is still purpose in me wanting to talk, but I think I'm in a place where I'd be prone to just share everything I want. In short, very emotional. Lol. Which. Thinking about you, and thinking realistically about who you are too... you'd eat it up as well. Just being the caring and having been someone you cared for.

Um, I've been back and forth on this so much since I messaged you- because honestly I do miss you. But I want to wait. Until I have more pieces on the table.

The next time i hopefully see you in person is when ill have a date for rehab to share with you.

But to further explain.

Since we broke up, I isolated myself.

Friends.

Family.

Me myself and I every day.

I have been learning more and more about myself. Looking at my family from a distance, seeing what I would want and need in a friendship. Who I consider friends. It's been tough to say the least. Drinking and such has been. Interesting throughout this process. And hopefully I'll be able to tell you one day.

But, as much as it doesn't seem so its all been more or less calculated hahaha, I guess.

I've been silently mobilizing forces.

Thinking up war plans at 5 in the morning, while taking the bus to work. I've been communing with God too. Don't get me wrong. I'm still pissed at him. But. He's been injecting... dreams into my head. Of who I could be, where my talents are, and how I could utilize them to the best of my ability. My job has been highlighting my strengths. Even a place where they are praised and recognized by my peers. I know what I was built to do. Well, I think I do at this point. I've been affirmed by patients as well. I'm going to be a powerful doctor. A good doctor. Someone who could mobilize resources in a moment's notice. Practical and helpful resources. To meet the needs of those who don't have the ability to. The distance I could reach. I can see it. For the first time hahaha.

I have major daddy issues I've learned, to put it lightly. And maybe obviously to you. And it's led me to major pains and hurt in my life that I didn't know was a part of me. I haven't talked to my dad in close to 3 months. Actually. Causally. Still living under the same roof. But I managed to isolate myself at home, not speaking to anyone beyond a hello, goodbye, or goodnight. I had so much stuff appearing all at once, it was an absolute shock. The pain and dismay was incredible.

I ditched Kris and Ian as well... And along with that, Nathan. Something happened. And I just never reached out again. Neither did they. Which. I don't know....

So that's been around happening since that same time as my dad. And naturally, Inae, and my mom as well.

Tony, Caleb, Isaac, and Josh. I've been. Not talking to them either much. Maybe only a handful of times since August.

So see. The amount of things I have stored up to just share, just for someone to listen.

And you're that person I want listening.

Because after you left, I realized that I did let you in. Well, more than I ever did with anyone else. As much as I did push you away, you were my best shot at anyone coming close. And I wanted to let you in, while still petrified of this foreign concept. And I'm scared that now I know what I'm missing, that I'll just share too much. Just to maybe get a taste or a glimpse of what my heart has been looking for. But.

I've done this before.

You always wanted something concrete. Like "I will quit 'insert date and plan'". Not cause you're demanding, but in dating an addict, was something that left you guessing and unsure. So in my first step.

To win you back. For the long term. I don't know how this will play out. If you'll even want to. If you'd move on. But. I guess just right now this is what I want to do.

So.

When we meet in person is when I'll tell you when I'm going to rehab. And by that time, all of this that I want to share with you will have a point.

Right now. It's all a feeling. I have a plan. But I've always had a plan. And I don't trust myself either. But I'm preparing things to get moving earliest by mid January. Latest by February.

I want to give you hope. And proof. For the first time in such a long time. To, yes, show you who you invested in, and who I could be, who you saw me as.

I miss you. And I love you. To the moon and back.

12/20/2020

8:33am

Dear _____.

My heart still tugs when I use your name. It's been about 4 months now. And.

12/25/2020

3:08pm

Merry Christmas _____.

Umm. I think this is my first Christmas without you in 3 years? Maybe 4? Umm. It doesn't feel the same ahahh. Obviously. I miss your excitement about the holidays. I don't seem to have any. It sucked looking for gifts this year, with the small voice in my head still saying "Mindy would like that."

Wow I'm really depressed today. I didn't expect this.

My hair's getting long. I don't think you'd like it honestly.

How long... I'm lost. I feel like I'm fooling people again.

I still miss you. I still wonder if you're thinking about me. When should I stop? Because I don't think I want to. And it's just setting me up for a bigger fall later. I just want to ask you everything. And. Just talk to you.

Merry Christmas. I hope you have a joyful day.

01/03/2020

8:21am

Current BAC: 0.081%

Hey love.

It's about T-18hrs until rehab. And I know I have tendency to make it dramatic but. It feels that way to me.

I miss you.

And I'm sad that you didn't. No. That was my fault. To be honest. I didn't expect rehab to happen so suddenly as soon as I reached out. I guess that's expected of the facilities. If they see that you're a good fit for the program, why would they wait. So I apologize for...springing things on you. I didn't realize I didn't have that much time either. I wish I contacted you sooner. But. At that time my head was still going back and forth, well more forth than back, but again I didn't have a solid answer. Just a motive.

I still think about you every day.

I still have a picture of us in my wallet.

I want to apologize for rejecting the care you gave me. And then accusing you for not caring in the first place.

I couldn't see it. I couldn't feel it. I didn't know what care looked like and I just dismissed it as "clingy" or "sensitive". I've seen the way that this has hurt you. And I'm so sorry for the fact that I see that I didn't have the facilities to see/accept that.

Regarding me letting you down, specifically in the corney romantic department. Again. You want these things, and you find that love and affection is shown best in these gestures. I couldn't see that this is a way of showing care for someone. I didn't get it. Why. So over the top, so embarrassing... But it's not embarrassing. It's sweet. And I realized that if you did the same for me, it would take a lot for me to see the love before the embarrassment I feel or something so substantially superficial.

I have a lot I think I can do better now.

You are the only one for me.

And I know that.

So much more clearly now because I've experienced what it's like without you. Like I've said before, you are the best thing that has happened to me, and I want to make sure that I keep it. I am going to find you again.

And it will be so much better now that you see the things that I will have done and changed first and foremost for myself.

Love, I can't wait to tell you about my dream.

I can't wait to tell you about the passions that are stirring in my heart.

I want to grow with you. I want to show you that you did invest into the right person. That you're hope was not misplaced.

I don't know what to expect.

I'm letting go of nicotine, marijuana, and alcohol all in one go.

I'm sure you're thinking about what this means for you in the future.

I... I can't ask that of you. And that's something that will remain and outstanding variable. Until I ask you in person.

I still love you. And I won't let go until you tell me otherwise.

So until then, I hope you are well. I hope your family is healthy and safe.

To the moon and back.

PS.

Not one of my friends answered when I called today. I'm going tomorrow at 2pm to rehab. But I'm spending a half day at work. So.

I miss you.

I wish you were here... But at the same time. I'm glad that you're not....

I wouldn't want you to see me like this.

-.-----.-._.-------._.---------.--------.----._.-------

0 notes

sweetiejunie · 3 years

Text

Jealous

Summary: You get jealous that he was ‘flirting’ with another idol

Genre: fluff, smut «dont read if you dislike this, you have been warned»

Yeonjun x reader

—.*•—

💕request by anon: Hi! May I request jealous sex with Yeonjun? In which case the reader get's jealous of another idol being too close with Yeonjun?

A/n: havent wrote a smut in a while, hope you liked this!

======================================

You were ignoring him. Was it petty? Yes. Was it necessary? Well, to you it was. Did he deserve it? That was debatable, but to you it was a hell yeah he did.

So, what exactly did he do that made you this mad? Some may say it was harmless. Some may say you were overreacting. But he was flirting with another girl! Right in front of you! Another idol to be exact.

Okay sure, technically the both of you weren’t in a relationship. And yes, he had free will do what he wanted. The relationship between the two of you could have been described as... complicated. It was painfully obvious that the two of you liked each other. I mean, every-time you passed each other, yeonjun would either blow you a kiss or wink at you playfully. And you loved to tease him every now and then. Throwing him random complements that added to his — already— overinflated ego and then breaking it down again and vice versa. It was all in good fun, of course. And he knew that. It was just how your dynamic worked with him. It had been months since it first started, and you practically already acted like a couple, with all the hand holding, kissing and things that were better left to the imagination. You just never made it official, but everyone who knew you, knew the both of you were off limits.

Long story short, that’s how yeonjun ended up in you apartment. You hadn’t expected him to show up so soon. You left shortly after you witnessed the whole... ordeal... take place. You had just taken a shower, wrapping yourself in your thin silk robe when your door bell rang. And here he was.

“Come on y/n, I’ve already apologised.” He tried for what was most likely the tenth time.

You didn’t budge. Frankly speaking, you’ve already forgiven him, maybe after his second apology or so. But seeing his attempts to gain your forgiveness was just too cute to pass on. You were sure he had figured that out by now and was simply playing alone.

“Y/n, please? I’m sorry.” He pouted this time, trying to catch you glance. Giving you puppy dog eyes the entire time. “I was just kidding. You know i would never hit on anyone other than you.”

You didn’t reply, trying your hardest not to let a smile break your, slowly but surely, shattering demeanour .

“Y/nnnnn,” he whined again, poking your cheek. “I swear i was just having a conversation.”

Gosh, why did this boy had to be so darn cute all the time.

You let giggled escape this time. By the time you caught yourself, he’d already noticed. And he took that opportunity to hook an arm around your waist, tugging you closer to him. Sealing your back against his chest.

Something pulled at his lips, “i really am sorry.” A short pause before he continued. “Were you really that jealous?” You weren’t even facing him, but you hear the smug grin that was plastered on his face.

His question caught you off guard. “I- I was not jealous.” Never have you wanted to crawl under the table as much as you did in this moment.

Interest sparked in his eyes. “Is that so?” His hands rubbing gentle circles against your sides. “My mistake, then. But i have to admit,” he leaned in closer to your ear to whisper, “that knowledge actually made me extremely turned on.”

Your cheeks coloured at his confession. How were you supposed to reply to that?

“Baby... let me make it up to you,” he murmured.

He placed his hand on your shoulders, spinning you to face him as he leaned towards you. His lips were soft yet unrelentingly firm. Wasting no time to make your thoughts go blurry with nothing but the idea of him. He let his hand slide down your thighs, over the robe you wore. Lifting you to your toes then hire, he wrapped your legs around his waist. The lower half of the robe parted as the upper half rolled of your shoulders.

Yeonjun’s growing hardness pressed into you, and your body answered on its own accord, moving against him, dragging a grunt out from him. You weren’t sure if it was his hand kneading at your rear, feeling of him between your thighs or the intensity of the kiss that drove you closer to the edge. Perhaps it was a combination of everything. Everything about this man drove you insane.

“Bedroom?” His chest rising heavily against yours.

You nodded and his lips were back on yours as he walked you both to your room. Not having to look where he was going, he knew your entire apartment by muscle memory.

After several moments, one of his arms folded over your waist, his other in your hair as he lowered you onto the bed. The back of head rested on your pillows as his hand eased from underneath you. You opened your eyes when you felt the bed dip with his weight. His hands on either side of your head as he hovered over you.

Noticing that the robe had now slipped even further, you wanted to cover yourself. But you didn’t move. The swells of your breasts were now visible, and an entire leg was out, all the way to you hip. You simply shifted your gaze to his.

Neither of you spoke as his chests rose and fell, his breathing as uneven as yours. His lips parted, but no words came out. His muscles rigid as he held him up before he ducked his to neck. Kissing a trail along your jaw, down to your collar bones. Your breath hitched as you burned more.

“Y/n...” there was an abundance of need in that one word, your name. “Let me make it up to you the only way i know how.”

His hand drifted over you stomach, where your skin had been exposed. You could barely breathe or think as his lips brushed against the neckline of the robe. You felt the warm glide of his tongue through the fabric. You gasped, shocked by the act and rush that it brought you. His gaze lifted to you as his mouth closed over the tip of your breast. He sucked deep and long, and your gasp quickly turned into a cry. You felt his hand move closer to where you needed him the most, pressing down against your bundle of nerves.

“Fuck,” you sighed.

“Mmm.” His lips shifted back to your neck. “You like that, baby?”

There was no point replying. He already knew the answer, and he did it again, causing you to whimper more.

“You’re very wet, y/n.” He breathed against your jaw. “I like that.” A pause. “I also like how you react to my touch.”

Without another word, yeonjun turned you to the side, away from him. Confused, you looked back to him as he stretched out behind you. He rested on his elbow and met your eyes.

“I’ll take care of you,” he hummed, pulling you into the cradle of his hip.

Your robe had slipped and now there was nothing but the jeans he wore between your bare rear and the hard length of him. You bit your lip as he trailed down you side and lifted your leg, sliding one of his between. His hand drew along your body before meeting with your wetness. His touch remaining light, almost featherlike, as he slid a finger across your center, causing your entire body to twitch. He continued this motion for what felt like eternity, and then he sank that finger in. You kicked your head back against his chest, letting out a breathy moan.

“You’re the only one for me,” he grunted. “You know that.” He pulled his finger almost completely out of you before inching it back in again.

You couldn’t respond as fire sparked inside of you with each thrust of his finger. He angled his hand so that his thumb could brush against your sensitive nerves. Each motion taking more breathe out of you. His worked his other arm around you, and across your chest. Palming and squeezing your breast as he worked in a second finger.

“Yeonjun.” You managed, your hips still moving.

And you could tell he was loosing his composure when he replied. “Ah fuck.” He sucked in a breath. “Just ride my fingers.”

You cried out, rubbing harder against his hand, against him. His breaths hitched in his throat as you did this. Looking back, you saw him watching hand, watching you grind and clench around them. Right then, you couldn’t even remember what you had been jealous about. Was it some bitch? Well, she wasn’t the one here with yeonjun now. Your stomach tightened as you continued to ride his fingers, riding his length that pressed against you behind.

He started to move so there was space between your bodies. Instead, you reached for his hip, nails digging into his skin as a silent demand.

And yeonjun obeyed.

He stilled, cursing as his plunged his fingers faster, rubbing your clit harder. You rocked against him, the feeling in your lower stomach becoming too much. With a final thrust, you moaned out when you came. You shuddered around his fingers and he shuddered against you, still moving his digits, exploiting every sensation from you until you went limb in his arms.

You stayed there, both your breathing slowly steadying. He eased out of you and you turned your head to face him. You expected to see that cocky grin of his. But you caught the red hue that tinted his cheeks instead. And slowly you became aware of the dampness at your lower back. You eyes widened when you realised.

“Sorry,” a sheepish smirk appearing, pulling your robe back to its original state. “Only you could do this to me.”

Now it was your turn for your lips to twitch. “I guess i should get jealous more often, huh?”

“So you were jealous~” he sang.

“Shut up.”

======================================

What was this 😀 i think ive been reading too much

#txt fanfic #txt imagines #txt post #txt au #yeonjun fanfic #txt smut #txt imagine #yeonjun smut #txt

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balioc · 4 years

Text

A Taxonomy of Magic

This is a purely and relentlessly thematic/Doylist set of categories.

The question is: What is the magic for, in this universe that was created to have magic?

Or, even better: What is nature of the fantasy that’s on display here?

Because it is, literally, fantasy. It’s pretty much always someone’s secret desire.

(NOTE: “Magic” here is being used to mean “usually actual magic that is coded as such, but also, like, psionics and superhero powers and other kinds of Weird Unnatural Stuff that has been embedded in a fictional world.”)

(NOTE: These categories often commingle and intersect. I am definitely not claiming that the boundaries between them are rigid.)

I. Magic as The Gun That Can Be Wielded Only By Nerds

Notable example: Dungeons & Dragons

Of all the magic-fantasies on offer, I think of this one as being the clearest and most distinctive. It’s a power fantasy, in a very direct sense. Specifically, it’s the fantasy that certain mental abilities or personality traits -- especially “raw intelligence” -- can translate directly into concrete power. Being magical gives you the wherewithal to hold your own in base-level interpersonal dominance struggles.

(D&D wizardry is “as a science nerd, I can use my brainpower to blast you in the face with lightning.” Similarly, sorcery is “as a colorful weirdo, I can use my force of personality to blast you in the face with lightning,” and warlockry is “as a goth/emo kid, I can use my raw power of alienation to blast you in the face with lightning.”)

You see this a lot in media centered on fighting, unsurprisingly, and it tends to focus on the combative applications and the pure destructive/coercive force of magic (even if magic is notionally capable of doing lots of different things). It often presents magic specifically as a parallel alternative to brawn-based fighting power. There’s often an unconscious/reflexive trope that the heights of magic look like “blowing things up real good” / “wizarding war.”

II. Magic as The Numinous Hidden Glory of the World

Notable examples: Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia, H.P. Lovecraft’s Dream Cycle

The point of magic, in this formulation, is that it is special. It is intrinsically wondrous and marvelous. Interacting with it puts you in a heightened-state-of-existence. It is -- ultimately -- a metaphor for The Secret Unnameable Yearnings of Your Soul, the glorious jouissance that always seems just out of reach.

It doesn’t so much matter how the magic actually functions, or even what outcomes it produces. The important thing is what magic is, which is...magical.

This is how you get works that are all about magic but seem entirely disinterested in questions like “what can you achieve with magic?,” “how does the presence of magic change the world?,” etc. One of the major ways, anyway.

The Numinous Hidden Glory fantasy often revolves around an idea of the magic world, the other-place where everything is drenched in jouissance. [Sometimes the magic world is another plane of existence, sometimes it’s a hidden society within the “real world,” doesn’t matter.] The real point of magic, as it’s often presented, is being in that magic world; once you’re there, everything is awesome, even if the actual things you’re seeing and doing are ordinary-seeming or silly. A magic school is worlds better than a regular school, because it’s magic, even if it’s got exactly the same tedium of classes and social drama that you know from the real world.

Fantasies of this kind often feature a lot of lush memorable detail that doesn’t particularly cohere in any way. It all just adds to the magic-ness.

III. Magic as the Atavistic Anti-Civilizational Power

Notable examples: A Song of Ice and Fire, Godzilla

According to the terms of this fantasy, the point of magic is that it doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense within the logic of civilized human thought, anyway. It is nature and chaos given concrete form; it is the thing that tears away at the systems that we, in our [Promethean nobility / overweening hubris], try to build.

There’s not a baked-in value judgment here. This kind of magic can be presented as good, bad, or some of both. Same with civilization, for that matter.

It’s often presented as Old Myths and Folkways that have More Truth and Power Than Seems Reasonable. Narratively, it often serves as a dramatized version of the failure of episteme, and of the kind of entropic decay that in real life can take centuries to devour empires and ideologies.

This kind of magic is almost always the province of savages, actual inhuman monsters, or (occasionally) the very downtrodden.

(I think it is enormously telling that in A Song of Ice and Fire -- a series that is jammed full of exotic cults and ancient half-forgotten peoples, all of whom have magic that seems to work and beliefs that at least touch on mysterious truths -- only the Westerosi version of High Medieval Catholicism, the religion to which most of the people we see notionally adhere, is actually just a pack of empty lies.)

IV. Magic as an Overstuffed Toybox

Notable examples: Naruto, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure

Or, sometimes, we care about what magic actually does. More than that -- sometimes we want to see magic doing really interesting things, and then other magic intersecting with it in ways that are even more interesting.

The fantasy here, in simplest terms, is “magic can achieve any arbitrary cool effect.” There doesn’t tend to be an overarching system that explains how it’s all supposed to come together, or if there is, it tends to be kind of lame and hand-wavey -- a rigorous system of Magic Physics, delineating the limits of the possible, would get in the way of all the cool effects we want to show!

Once again, this shows up a lot in combat-heavy narratives. Less with the genericized D&D-style “magic is a fist that can punch harder than your regular meat fist,” and more with people throwing weird and wacky powers at each other in order to show how those powers can be used creatively to overcome opposition. Sometimes, instead of combat, you get magicians using their cool-effects magic to MacGuyver their way out of problems or even trying to resolve large-scale social problems. Issues of magic usage within the narrative being “fair” or “unfair” or “cheesy” are important here in ways that they generally aren’t elsewhere, since the fantasy on offer comes close to being a game.

(Ratfic often falls into this category.)

V. Magic as Alternate-Universe Science

Notable examples: the Cosmere books

This covers most of what gets called “hard fantasy.” The fantasy on offer is a pretty straightforward one -- “magic has actual rules, you can learn them, and once you’ve learned them you can make predictions and achieve outcomes.” It’s puzzle-y in the way that the previous fantasy was game-y. It’s often a superstimulus for the feeling of learning a system in the way that video game grinding is a superstimulus for the feeling of rewarding labor.

The magic effects on offer tend to be less ridiculous and “broken” than toybox magic, because any logic you can use to achieve a ridiculous effect is going to influence the rest of the magic system, and special cases that aren’t grounded in sufficiently-compelling logic will ruin the fantasy.

Not super common.

VI. Magic as Psychology-Made-Real

Notable examples: Revolutionary Girl Utena, Persona

This kind of magic makes explicit, and diagetic, what is implicit and metatextual in most fantasy settings. The magic is an outgrowth of thought, emotion, and belief. Things have power in the world because they have power in your head. The things that seem real in the deepest darkest parts of your mind are actually real.

This is where you get inner demons manifested as actual demons (servile or hostile or anything in between), swords forged from literal hope, dungeons and labyrinths custom-tailored to reflect someone’s trauma, etc.

The fantasy, of course, is that your inner drama matters.

My personal favorite.

VII. Magic as Pure Window Dressing

Notable examples: later Final Fantasy games, Warhammer 40K

This one is weird; it doesn’t really make sense on its own, only metatextually. I think of its prevalence as an indicator of the extent to which fantasy has become a cultural staple.

The fantasy on offer in these works is that you are in a fantasy world that is filled with fantasy tropes. And that’s it.

Because the important thing here is that the magic doesn’t really do anything at all, or at least, it doesn’t do anything that non-magic can’t do equally well. It doesn’t even serve as an indication that Things are Special, because as presented in-setting, magic isn’t Special. Being a wizard is just a job, like being a baker or a tailor or something -- or, usually, like being a soldier, because the magic on offer is usually a very-simple kind of combat magic. And unlike in D&D, it’s not like magic is used only or chiefly by a particularly noteworthy kind of person. It’s just...there.

The great stories of the world, in these works, don’t tend to feature magic as anything more than a minor element. The point is to reassure the audience that this is the kind of world, the kind of story, that has magic.

-------------------------------------------------

Thoughts? Critiques? Other categories to suggest?

#media analysis

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ellitx · 3 years

Note

!! Long one inc with modern au college Himmel, will be hurt/comfort (might be cringe i dunno i went ham) TW: mentions of mental illnesses and self harm, mentions of injuries, and smut ye

Was a quiet rainy day as you slept, back pressed into your boyfriend's chest, you had decided to come over to watch movies and spend some time relaxing together after finals but about an hour in you let a lull like state wash over you.

"This is the only time you look so peaceful y/n.." Himmel thought, "if only you'd let your walls down a bit.. just enough to let me in.." he brushed your cheek with the back of his hand with a feather light touch on your cheek "Im so sorry that you have to carry so much weight.. I'd do anything to help wash it away or at least help lift it"

Drinking in your form as you slept softly into him, he wishes to stay like this for hours, but he knows that as soon as consciousness comes over you again, the walls will be re-built, and your shoulders will re-tense with the weight they bear. He leans in to kiss your temple and stroke your hair softly praying not to wake you

Recalling all the stories you told him, the shitty ex that was so selfish of his own desires that it implanted the idea that all intimacy was, was to please the man. Now leaving scars that you cant even take for yourself in those times even though all he wants is to please, and pour the love you desperately need into you, over and over but even a year or so into the relationship, you had only given to him.. bearly even allowing him to sheath himself in you, and thats just the tip of the iceberg " you dont even let anyone help you, but all you do is give, how much longer until you cup is empty.." He thought kissing you softly once more

"Hmm..?" You sir and turn to face him "I-i'm so sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep.." he strokes your hair again to hush you "Its okay, Im glad you were able to get some rest" he whispered kisses on the lips proper pulling you in a bit closer and letting his hands run up and down your sides. "Himmel I hope youre not upset at me.." you gripped onto his shirt a bit and buried your head in his chest "we were supposed to hangout today and I feel awful for falling asleep.." you mumbled

"Stop that now.. you were exhausted.. its really okay" he softly pulls your face up to kiss you again licking your bottom lip praying you let him in, turning you head slightly and parting your lips you let him in "Thank god at least this.." he thought as he let his toungue rub against yours while sliding his hands down your sides and slipping his finger tips under the hem of your tights.

A small flinch came from you as he did this as a bit of panic started to set in.. you were so self conscious of yourself, you didnt feel ever adequate enough even to call your self his lover or even to indulge yourself in things like this. He can feel you starting to tense up.. "Mmm.. y/n just relax love.. please.." he start trailing kisses down your neckline "H-Himmel.. I really don't know I.." tears start to well up in your eyes. He knew what was about to happen you were going to push him away and it made his heart squeeze in agony all he wanted was to give and show you love, but he didn't want to force it too much to scare you but it had been going on so long, so he tried shifting his weight to straddle you but you managed to squeeze out from underneath him.

"I-i'm sorry.. I think I should go.." you choke out, your voice shaky whilst trying to stay composed you head for the door. "Y/n Wait please!" You heaved a heavy sigh as you felt his hand catch your wrist, you try to twist out of it but he pulls you in firm but gentle.. " God y/n.. just let me in..please let me tear down those walls and let me love you.." he swallowed, his throat bobbing and icy blue eyes staring straight into yours "You can't keep pushing me out.., you won't even let me help you with anything and it hurts.. even when your sick and dead tired all you do is push me and anyone out.. saying that its alright but it's really not.." He chocked out between sobs "please y/n.. I love you.. and if you love me like you say you do then please just let me.. anyone, help you.. I cant stand to see you like this.. Ive known you for our whole lives almost and I finally have you.. and seeing you in pain from the hand you've been delt hurts more than you'd ever imagine..!

You stood frozen wet face and shaking, silently letting all the words sink in, you felt awful for doing this to him, you thought, he had been there with you through almost every step of your life, even giving you up to a man who he wasn't good to you because you said at the time because you said it was what would make you happy at the time and even now.. he'd be willing to throw everything at the wall to sew you back together, to see the smile, the true smile that he hasent seen in years.

And again all you could do is "I'm sorry Himmel you deserve someone better.. you've done so much for someone whos worth nothing.." so you get up and pull away from him once again and run out of the door into the rain but not soon after did you feel your soaked self being almost held with unwavering force "NO..! Not again.. not ever.. and plus I am not letting you leave this house in this weather I couldn't bear to see you sick from something I could prevent..!" He yells as he slung you over his shoulder carrying you back inside and into the bathroom

"Strip.. youre soaking wet.. and shaking.." he said calm but sternly ,you flushed at his command, hes usually not like this.. you thought through your tears and nervously removed your clothing as did he. You curled up to cover your naked form as he bent down placing a towel over your shoulders and held you, slowly rubbing to dry and warm you, and as soon as you were dry and coming down from your clouded tears, he helps you up off the floor draping the towel over the both of you leading to the mirror.

"Y/n.. I know when you look into this mirror you dont like what you see.. and think you dont deserve the I want to give you.. but please.." He pauses to hold your hands at your sides , to let all your beauty and all your scars, visible and unseen reflect back at you "see yourself through my eyes for just a bit my songbird.. you're not what you see.." you again begin to let tears fall and with a quiet sob "I-Im so sorry.. I do love you.. im just scared.."

"Then let me fix whats right here.." he snakes his arm around to gently rest a hand on your heart "and right here.." and his other over your womb space then lays his head on your shoulder with a kiss to the crook of your neck "Let me pull the sorrow from between your legs like silk.. knot after knot after knot.." he whispered almost pleadingly

"O-okay.." you lean into him a bit wiping your tears with the back of your hand kissing his temple. With that he gently picks you up with your legs wrapping around his waist he grips you firm and gentle untill he enters his bedroom, locking the door behind him, then setting you down on the bed not once letting go.

"Himmel.. are you sure you still..? "Shh.. please.." he kisses to hush you, then slowly trails soft sensual kisses down your body worshipping each and every inch, pouring all the love you gave him back into you trying to ignore his own arousal. Trying your best to keep still your face burned as he did this, not wanting to move and let any moans escape, you put your hand over your mouth to stifle them "no one will hear you its okay.." He said as he continues downward towards your heat "Nng.. my love I-" he felt you begin to tense up again he rubs his hands down your thighs and kisses them softly sucking and licking them "Just relax y/n.."

You breathed a shaky sigh as he spread your legs and began to slow rub at your core admiring your slick that adorned his finger tips. "Ahh..~ its a shame you've been keeping yourself from me.. your essence is divine" his hot breath so close to you it sent electricity you've never even felt before, were you even worthy of such extacy? you though stifling another moan, internally fighting the want to pull away again, if its what he wants then you shall deliver.

"Oh how Ive longed for this.. to please you, to drink in every once of you.. and to replace the pain with pleasure.." He began to lick a stripe up your slit and gently pressed his two fingers on your clit, swirling them in unison to bring you to a higher bliss "H-Himmel.. Ahh.. its so good.. Nng..!"

The heat building in you, you couldn't help but grind against him "Dont be ashamed love..~ do what mm..~ feels best for you.. dont hide your moans.. I wanna hear my pretty little song bird sing~! He saids darting this tongue deeper into you whilst grinding against the bed, he couldn't help it, its all ever dreamed of ashamedly, consuming you whole so his arousal was unmatched

Panting with heavy and louder moans you wrapped your legs around his head, letting gain more access, with him gripping onto your thighs and moaning into you, the vibrations coming from him wond you so tightly threatening to spill all over him.. so you grip his head and try to push him away "Ahh..! Im.. so close.. Himme-- Ahh!" He only grips you tighter and grinds himself harder against the sheets chasing his own release "Dont..! Aaah!! Im right there..dont push me off of you..! I love you so.. dont deny me..! Nnnng..!" And with him losing himself in you, lapping at you so desperately you come down onto him, covering him in you, with him coming in tandem..

Panting he wipes his face with the sheets "Thank you for finally letting me love you right.."

(im so sorry if this is omega long and kinda intense?? Kinda just rolling with it i have full himmel disease -💚)

ahhhh another himmel food <333 you’re feeding me so much with these sweet sweet himmel contents and i really really love it 🥺💕💕

I shall also feed you with a himmel content of my own as a thank you 😋 still working on it hehe

#submission #ellianswers #genshin impact x reader #💚 anon #venti brainrot #himmel #himmel x reader

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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years

Text

table manners* bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

this is what we like to call coming out the gate swinging 😌

You get invited to a house for a party but you cant stop thinking about bucky

* - ive had the smut for this done for a bit and i had such a hard time adding story omg. either way they do it in the bathroom lol. he also eats her out.

Song: kiss me more by doja cat ft sza

because why the heck not

tag list: @cynic-spirit +++++++++

We had been invited to one of those parties where everyone sits around a living room or kitchen and discusses brand products. Where at the end you decide if you want to buy said products for you and your family that are way over priced, but fuck it, the sales lady is so convincing. I had been to a few and this brand was one I really wanted to try so we gladly obliged, Bucky telling me to get what I wanted. How thoughtful. But sitting at the table surround by everyone but him felt almost worse. Like I should be somewhere else. I was stuck in the dinning room with all these chatty women trying to ask questions and Bucky was with my friend's husband (and all of her other friends husband's) in his man cave doing good knows what.

As opposed to the rest of the women sitting around the dining table talking and laughing, I was sat quietly flipping through the product magazine. And yeah some of it caught My eye, and I had already started a order sheet. But My thoughts weren't really on this task itself. Oh, No. My thoughts were on bucky standing in the other room. I could barely see him through both doorways, laughing and drinking a beer. The way his moth curved around the bottle... God I wish that were me. And only because of what he had whispered to me before we got out of the car. Now it's all I could think about. He had ran his thumb over the back of my hand, gripping the steering wheel as he leaned closer to me, whispering into my ear. He ended it with a harsh kiss before slipping out of the car and leaving me a little dumbfounded; like he didnt just say what he said.

thats all id been thinking about since we entered my friends home. of course i listened to the speech the woman gave, interacted, asked questions, partook in the games she had prepared. but ultimately i was thinking about bucky perched nicely between my legs. even now as the sales lady offered to finish my order. I stood up so she could sit in my chair, total my order, and give me the receipt when she was done. She was very pleasant and you could tell she loved what she did. I tried to converse with her about the stuff I was buying, paying attention to buck out of the corner of my eye as the guys lazed their way away from their own little party.

I pressed my legs together a little tighter, trying not to think about it any more. But God damn I was almost feral. Then an idea flashed through my mind to take this to the bathroom but bucky was already on his way to me. Damn I needed him. And he was taking way too long, lazing over to where I was, talking to people here and there as he did. When he finally did reach me he was all smiles, hugging me from behind and planting a soft kiss to my cheek.

"Hey baby."

He said softly, innocently, sending the other people at the table a nod and looking down at the order sheet being written on on the table.

"Hey."

I managed, trying to hide the want in my voice as I leaned back into him.

"Having fun over here? you get what you want?"

He asked and I nodded, biting my lip. It pretty much ended there.

"okay so i added these together and since you decided against doing your own party there wont be that discount. but you did get this bundle so you get this as a bonus."

He was now listening to the lady as she spoke, more so than me probably. but i was still thinking about taking him. I couldn't get the thought out of my head no matter how hard i tried and him being that close and not being able to do anything about it was driving me crazier. So I did what anyone else would do: I pushed my hips into his.

When he looked down at me suddenly I bit the inside of my cheek. But then I kept pressing against him, entangling our fingers together and squeezing once. the woman looked up at us with a smile before she stood.

"here is your receipt and im so glad to have met you tonight y/n, if you ever change your mind about a party you know where to find me."

i nodded as she moved down the table to help someone else. i looked down at it for a moment but When his other hand flattened against my stomach I knew I would get exactly what I wanted. What I wasn't expecting was him to let go of me suddenly, standing up straight and pulling me around the table.

"Excuse us for a moment."

He said quietly and quickly, noticing my friend making her way over. but he pretty much cut her off before she could even speak dragging me down the hallway. I smiled, stifling a laugh as he led me into the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed I pushed him against it, locking it, and kissing him deeply.

"What's gotten into you?"

He croaked out as I moved to kiss down his neck, grinding myself against his leg. I moaned, feeling him getting harder against my thigh

"I need you, you cant just say that and expect me to not."

I said softly, it coming out more breathy than I intended.

"Well why didn't you say so."

He growled, spinning me around and leaning me over the sink.

"Bucky."

I whined, catching his eye through the mirror with a desperate look on my face. He just smirked at me, keeping eye contact as he kissed down my neck, pressing his hips into me.

"You gonna keep quiet for me darlin?"

He asked and I nodded quickly, feeling his hand make it's way under my dress. I bit my tongue as he slid my panties down, watching as he made quick work of undoing his belt and pushing his pants down.

"Please bucky."

I breathed out as he kicked my legs apart.

"Not a peep darlin."

He said before pushing into me and I gasped. In a second his right hand clasped down over my mouth tightly, keeping me quiet as he pulled me up into his chest and started moving in and out of me. I watched him in the mirror intently as he trailed his left hand down my body, lifting the skirt of my dress and pressing his finger into my clit. I shivered at the cool feeling, my eyes rolling back as he pushed into me harder.

"You like that?"

He growled into my ear but all I could do was nod, griping the sink tightly and making my knuckles go white. As he continued my legs began to quiver, the only thing keeping me upright was the strong grip he had on me.

"Fuck im close."

He grunted, pounding into me from behind. As we moved he took to kissing and biting along my shoulder.

"Bucky."

I moaned, muffled by his hand as I ground my hips back into him. One last push and I was cumming around him, feeling it run down my thighs as my legs gave out. He let out a soft groan before pausing, buried deep in me as came too.

"How was that princess?"

He asked through a pant, moving his hand from my mouth to my chest. I just nodded quickly as he squeezed my breast.

"Let's get you cleaned up."

I gasped as be pulled out of me, feeling his cum start to drip down my leg too. he spun me around quickly, pulling his pants up before kneeling in front of me.

"keep that pretty mouth shut for me darlin."

he instructed as he ran his hands up my thighs. i bit my lips hard as he pushed one finger into me, then another. my mouth hung open when he moved forward beginning to suck on my clit.

"Bucky."

i moaned, digging my fingers into his soft hair. he squeezed my thigh with his other hand as he lifted my leg over his shoulder. i was perched on the edge of the sink as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of me, his tongue doing figure eights across my clit.

"oh god."

i whined, him sitting back and sending me a look.

"what did i say?"

he asked, his hand stopping. i bit my lip.

"sorry."

"good."

he said, curling his fingers into me. my grip in his hair got tighter as i tried to stop the moan threatening to spill past my lips. as the feeling got more intense i threw my head back, him moving forward again and sucking at my clit. it wasn't long before my second orgasm wracked through my body, making me shake against him as he held me tightly in place. as he sat back, his fingers still in me as i came down, i panted heavily, head still against the mirror.

"you okay?"

he laughed, standing and sticking his fingers in his mouth. i sent him a look before pulling him to me and kissing him harshly.

"god i love you."

i said breathlessly against him as he rested his forehead against mine, a wicked smile on his face.

"so i guess you really did get everything you wanted tonight."

he smirked, standing upright and steadying me as i stood. i sent him a stern look before nodding.

"how bout we go home and you give me a little more?"

i said a little snarky, making him laugh and pull me to him, his hand finding its way to firmly grip my ass.

"how about we go home and i get what i want?"

i looked over his face, focusing on his lips.

"is that a promise?"

he let out another short laugh.

"absolutely."

#wattpad #x reader #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #falcon and the winter soldier #captain america #marvel #330 #white wolf #smut #imagines #one shots

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peachy-inserts · 4 years

Text

𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕣𝕖𝕘𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟/𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕜 - 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕜𝕥𝕠𝕓𝕖𝕣, 𝕕𝕒𝕪 𝟜

✰warnings: mentions of pregnancy ✎a/n: ok mod josie here and im going to be completely honest.. this is the first actual smut ive ever written and i didnt proof read it because im embarrassed and im not happy with how it turned out PLEASE be gentle with me im very scared also more under the cut

➳ɪᴡᴀɪᴢᴜᴍɪ

══════ ∘◦❁◦∘ ══════

The bedroom is hazy, fuzzy. It’s almost as if it’s clouded your vision, the heat from both of your bodies overwhelming and contributing to the change in atmosphere. Iwaizumi’s hands are finding every part of your body, sliding down slowly to your supple thighs just to give them a quick squeeze and travel back up towards your neck, where he lingers for a moment before deciding tonight isn’t the night, not for choking, at least.

No, tonight he’s going to get you pregnant, and he at least wants it to be special. He’s already prepared for the aftercare, going out of his way to make sure you have to do as little as possible while you fucks you senseless and stuffs you full with his cum time and time again so that there’s no possible chance of not getting it on the first try

You’ve only just gotten home a few moments ago, still fully dressed and yet already a shaking mess beneath him, a devilish glint in his eyes that suits his smirk all too well, satisfied with your wide eyed anticipation that you always seem to reward him with before you’ve even begun. It really gets him going. There are no words, but only an intimacy that leaves you feeling completely overheated and yet as if your whole body is relaxed, even despite knowing that he’ll have you in a mating press before too long; you know from experience it’s worth the aching joints, though.

He ghosts his fingertips along the curve of your breast under your buttoned shirt, laughing to himself and retreating his touch when you lean into him, begging for him to finally do something, anything.

“Please-”

“Please what?”. He cuts you off, grinning, looking down at you with what could almost be interpreted as malice, but you know him better than that. You know it’s just an act for him, he only does this because you enjoy it so much.

“Aren’t you gonna stop fucking teasing me, Haji?”.

He huffs, thinking to himself for a moment before pressing you backward onto the sheets so you’re lying down, and places soft open mouthed kisses along your jawline all the way down to your collarbones, carefully undoing the first few buttons in doing so. “You’re so impatient, you know that?”, he whispers against your skin, and the hotness of his breath is arousing. He notices the way your heart thumps within your chest against his lips and laughs to himself yet again.

“It’s only been a few moments, and I bet you’re already soaked for me, aren’t you? I bet you were thinking about this all day.. Coming home and letting your man fuck you so good, put his baby right in you…”. Iwaizumi’s hands finally travel back down your body, grazing across your thighs and gently prodding at your clothed cunt, rubbing light circles into your work pants until he can feel them dampening beneath his touch, to which he immediately stops, only to run his thumb over your lips so you part them for him and force his now scented fingers into your mouth while the other hand softly caresses your cheek, tucking stray hairs behind your ear.

“I knew it. It doesn’t take much for you, does it, baby?”. Hesitantly, you nod, careful not to accidentally bite his fingers in the process, although he’s much gentler in his ministries than usual. With his tapping against your cheek, you know to let his digits go, and a trail of saliva is left running down your chin, and a cold chill runs down your spine despite the heat consuming your body.

Before you know it, he’s discarded your shirt and left you topless save for your bra, although it’s not long before he’s made quick work of it, too, and your torso is completely exposed before him. It’s a little unfair given that he’s still fully dressed, but you know it won’t be long before he gives in and strips down to nothing. A calloused hand circles your nipple until its erect, and he clambers onto the bed to take the bud into his mouth, tongue swirling around it with little kitten licks and biting down on it every few moments just to make you jump, and you’re whining beneath him, it’s so good and yet not enough-

“Don’t be so greedy”. He swats your hand away and releases your breast with a pop when you try removing your pants, only to do it himself in a contradictory fashion. Iwaizumi looks you up and down, his breath hitching and a sudden pang in his chest. You’re going to look so fuckiing good carrying his child, stomach swole out with his seed and breasts heavy with milk, bigger than they had ever been before

He can feel his cock twitch in his pants.

His body moves on its own, and he's situated himself above you with his elbows on either side of you, a knee prodding at your heat and teasingly rubbing against the fabric of your panties, wet in excitement and anticipation. Iwaizumi’s lips find your own in haste and he’s eagerly pulling you closer to him, hand returning to your breast to squeeze and fondle the one he has previously neglected while the other remains pert and slick with his saliva. He’s becoming feverish, taking your bottom lip between his teeth and sucking on it before he pulls away for air, panting, chest heaving, just to dive straight back in with an open mouthed kiss. His tongue is swiping at your red and swollen lips, and when he twists your nipple you moan against him, and he licks the back of your teeth, his wet muscle finding every sweet spot of your mouth and eating it up with delight so you’re whining below him.

“Hajime-”. You’re fucking desperate now, wanting nothing more than for him to fill him up the way he does, so good each and every time, his cock too fat to ever miss those sweet spots inside of you that always having you seeing stars.

“I know, I know sweetheart”. He’s quick to undress, and although your view is obscured by your current position, you’ve come to recognize the sound of his belt thumping against the floor, the metal piece always clinking with the hard wood below.

His rough fingertips are grazing along the sensitive skin of your thighs, and he tugs your panties down slowly, revelling in the string of slick that pulls from it until finally breaking contact and running down to your ass. God, he can’t stand it; you’re always so perfect for him, always getting yourself nice and ready for his dick.

Iwaizumi positions himself just before your entrance, his cock painfully hard. The head is red with blood and throbs against his palm as he strokes the prominent vein that runs along the underside of his girth. He’s trim, well cut and fit, and you find yourself pink in the face as your eyes dart across his trained abs, a happy trail just below down to his well groomed and massive cock. His sensitive slit you’ve always found a way to take advantage of is oozing with precum, and he rubs it against your thighs before using the head to tease your swollen clit. Your hips buck at the touch, abused lips parted as a low whine escapes them.

His fist guides himself along your glistening folds, and a growl resonates in his chest and the slick feeling. He lines his head up with your hole, and you grip his arm in preparation. Slowly, tantalizingly slowly, he pushes into your little cunt, pushing your walls apart and coating him in a sheen of white. He hisses as you clench around him like a vice, nearly losing control and rutting into you at full force.

“Fucking shit, babe, fuck”. Iwaizumi grunts, and he repositions himself so that one hand is gripping the headboard above you while the other keeps you pinned below him. Finally, he bottoms out within you, and begins a slow and shallow pace. Your sweet little moans fuel him and before he knows it he’s thrusting into you at a relentless pace. You hardly have any time to comprehend what’s happening, head bobbing at the force he’s beating into your tight little with a rhythm and high pitched whines your only capable form of speech.

“H-Haji!”. Your words are slurred, and you bite your tongue as he ruts into you particularly hard. His cock is ripping you apart, your sweet cunt wrapped around his base in a way that’s downright pornographic, your hands wrapped around his neck and nails digging into his back, scratching the skin and drawing blood, but he doesn’t slow down

With every thrust he’s hitting the tip of your cervix, and it hurts but god, it also feels so fucking good. The bed shakes and headboard smacks against the wall, but it’s hardly audible beneath the lewd sound of your his clashing, his balls slapping your skin while your own cum leaks out around him, dripping down his thighs

He grunts, having no words left to speak in losing himself in the feeling of how fucking amazing you feel, walls fluttering around his length and your breasts bouncing with his every move, and he thinks again about how perfect you would be carrying his child. Your pussy is aching, and the sensations are overwhelming. His hips grind against your neglected clit only a few times, and yet it’s enough for you to unravel around him.

You gasp, trying to sputter out a warning, an indication, but he’s pounding into you so fucking hard and the noises of your own juices squelching around him are so prominent that it doesn’t matter anyways. Your pussy flutters around him and your walls clamp around him like a vice, and he hisses at the sudden tightness and grips the board above you so tight his fingernails are marking the soft wood, no different from the way your own leave scratch marks down his back. Your back arches causing your hips to catch against his own, and the friction is unbearable. He only pounds harder, faster, fucking you through your release and chasing his own high, leaving you overstimulating and squirming beneath him. You try to wriggle your way free, but his hands have moved to pin you down.

Just as you’ve finally began to feel the first aftershocks of your orgasm, Iwaizumi tugs you forward by the waist, sheathing himself balls deep with one final thrust, and paints your abused little cunt white with his seed, breathing heavily inches away from your face.

With a languid sigh, your body sinks into the mattress and you finally relax, and after a moment of stillness, he finally pulls out, making sure to keep every last bit inside of you so it doesn’t go to waste. Iwaizumi rolls over onto his back just beside of you, pulling you into his arms and rubbing at the knots in your lower back from the position he’d help you in. You were going to be so good to your kids, so kind and nurturing.

And he couldn’t wait.

#iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi smut #iwaizumi fanfic #iwaizumi scenarios #iwaizumi hc #iwaizumi drabble #iwaizumi x you #iwaizumi x y/n #iwaizumi imagine #iwaizumi insert #hajime iwaizumi #mod josie #kinktober #hq #haikyuu #scenario

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hobidreams · 4 years

Text

TES Minis: IV {M}

to celebrate yoongi’s first big break, you give him a proper treat.

pairing: yoongi x reader genre: smut, fluff words: 2.4k contains: condomless sex, dirty talk, oral (m), they get it on in semi-public (there is a limo), yoongi gets spoiled <3 a/n: this is a drabble for The Early Shift, but can be read as a standalone. this was written as a commission for Black Lives Matter!

It’s not a big deal.

Okay, it’s a little bit of a big deal. But is it a big enough deal to warrant all this splurging? Yoongi doesn’t know, as he watches you swipe your credit card on the machine, his stomach pleasantly full of extremely expensive steak. (He doesn’t even know how much the bill actually comes to; the menu didn’t have prices, that’s how fancy this place is.) But damn, was it tasty. And watching you try not to spill anything on your only nice dress was very entertaining indeed.

“Babe, stop it,” you snap, drawing his attention to your slight pout.

“Stop what? I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re thinking again.”

“It may surprise you, but I do that sometimes.”

You roll your eyes. “You know what I mean. Get out of that snarky,” he gives you a look, “but cute mind. All of this is worth it, Yoongi. Your song, going platinum? Of course we have to celebrate!”

“But it’s just one song and there were four other producers—”

“No. You’re not allowed to downplay yourself like that.” You reach over the table, grabbing his hand. You squeeze until he’s smiling (a little exasperatedly) right back at you. He likes the attention, even if it does make him squirm. He deserves to feel proud of how hard he worked. Speaking of, you check your watch and wince at the time. “Come on, we have to go!”

“There’s still more?” Yoongi asks, downing the bit of bubbly alcohol left in his flute before pulling on his blazer.

“Duh. Have you ever known me to half-ass anything?”

“Nope. Never.” His eyes wane as he laughs, flashing those pink gums. “Drives me nuts.”

Stepping into the elevator, he bundles you close against him as it begins to descend. He presses an easy kiss to your cheek while he links your warm fingers together, wordlessly rubbing his thumb on your skin. His tell, for when he’s feeling especially close to you. Your heart grows two sizes bigger.

You’re right on time when you reach the ground floor, dragging Yoongi along to the front of the building. You swivel your head, looking for—ah.

When Yoongi sees the sleek black limousine pull up in front of you, his jaw absolutely drops. You resolve it was worth every won to rent the thing.

“You didn’t.”

“I totally did.”

The young chauffeur steps out of the driver’s seat with a friendly smile and a bow. You return both when he opens the backseat door for you two. “Thank you,” you say, and climb in.

“Where did you even find one of these?” Yoongi is still incredulous as he follows you inside, running his fingers along the nice leather. Limos of this size are rare around town, so you get his disbelief.

You shrug like it was no biggie. “Jungkook knows a guy who knows a guy.”

“Wow. He’s well connected for a kid.” He says it without malice; Jungkook is who he went straight to when he was looking for a flower guy for your first anniversary. That bouquet had been damn magnificent.

Yoongi’s still looking at the full bottles of wine and whiskey that line the sides when the car starts to move. “Where’re we heading?” Some notes of an R&B influenced song float through the air.

“Taking the long way home, so settle in.”

Among all this luxury, Yoongi’s a sight to behold in his dark suit, legs slightly spread, arms stretched, plump lips still a bit wet and doubly enticing. It’s with a smile that you shuffle towards him, messing up your tint on his mouth as a simmering heat lights in your veins.

“Your home or mine?” He whispers when you break for a breath, amused at the baby pink that now rims the side of his lips. He’s also panting a bit more, the crotch of his nice pants starting to feel tight.

“Soon to be ours.”

Yoongi’s eyes soften as he strokes a few strands of your hair. “God, I love you.”

“Sap.” You laugh, squishing his cheek with a finger before going back to get another kiss. This one gets a little steamier than you both intended but you roll with it, tongue slipping into his mouth to meet his in an easy rhythm. Then his hand is on your chest, sliding between the fabric to cup a bare breast in his palm, to squeeze in a way that never fails to make you moan.

“Wait, fuck, shit,” he mutters when he opens his eyes to watch you react, and he remembers where the hell he is right now. He hurriedly pulls his hand away, casting a glance at the poor driver who definitely does not deserve to witness the two of you behaving like horny teenagers.

You quirk a cheeky eyebrow at him. Then to his surprise, you shove him, making him fall backwards onto the leather seats.

“What’re you—”

“Shhhh, we’re celebrating.”

You feel around near the sunroof, and grin when you find the button you’re looking for. With a quiet whirr, the partition starts to go up, blocking the driver from view.

“D-Did you drink too much champagne?” He knows all the ins and outs of your expressions, and this one is dangerous.

“Nope.”

Your smile may be lopsided, but he can tell it’s a hundred percent genuine as you stoop between his legs and run fingers across his belt. You’ve got it unbuckled in seconds, his cock out just as swiftly. Despite all his protests, it’s already half-hard, firm between your fingers.

“Babe, is this even legal?”

You dip your head and Yoongi hisses when your tongue meets his bare skin, unabashedly lapping a stripe across the frenulum. “Who knows,” you hum.

“Baaabe...” He thinks he might lose his mind, watching how you draw back to let a trail of spit drip from your bottom lip right onto his dick, smearing it all over the now-turgid head with your thumb. His girl, still so beautiful even though the only lighting comes from the blurry rows of streetlights that speed past.

You keep your hand slightly slack, sliding it along the shaft at a teasing pace so all you hear is the sensual beat of the current song and your boyfriend’s supressed moans. Occasionally you’ll use your mouth, suck the head into sudden heat to watch how Yoongi’s eyes glaze over with pleasure. But if he thinks this is all you’ve got, then he doesn’t know you at all.

“Open your hand,” you whisper, lips wet against him.

He does. Then gives a groan of disbelieving arousal when you deposit something slinky and black onto his palm. It’s still warm, and he can smell how aroused you are from here. Yoongi had watched you put on the tempting thing a few hours before dinner, but he never imagined he’d be touching them in this scenario. When did you even remove them? It’s a question that no longer matters when you lift your skirt up.

“Damn, I’ve got to write more songs,” Yoongi growls, still keeping his voice muted and low.

You laugh as you dip the hand that’d been on his dick between your thighs. It’s a bit of a challenge to keep yourself balanced on this rather narrow seat, but your determination (or stubbornness) wins out. You part your folds enough so he can hear how ready you are for him.

The sound makes Yoongi eager, already pushing up so he can feel for himself, but you shake your head. “Let me spoil you,” you purr, collecting some slick with two fingertips before slathering it onto the cock that twitches with interest.

“This is more like a punishment.” But he shuts up fast when you start to lower yourself, when he feels the first bit of your tightness accept him, squeeze him. You take it so achingly slow, swallowing an inch just to ease off and make him savor it, all with mischief in your casual expression.

Reality is, though, it’s a struggle. Oh god, you definitely wish you followed Jungkook’s leg and core workouts more strictly now, as you fight to keep from just sinking fully down in one move. At least your muscles haven’t started trembling yet, though they’re getting there as you lean forward, try to alleviate some of the strain by resting your elbows beside his head.

“Hi,” you whisper when your eyes meet, then kiss away his quiet moan as you drop another inch. The limo seems to hum beneath you as you get closer to home, the apartment that now houses two of your newly adopted plants, and a music producing station now truly on its way to becoming fully-fledged. A space that’s slowly becoming seamlessly shared. “Yoon, I’m so fucking proud of you.”

“I can—” he chokes when your cunt clenches, “I can feel that.” It’s getting harder and harder for him to keep his mouth shut. You love that, when he can’t help but groan at how well you fit together.

Lower you go, letting your mouth run. “Fuck babe, you’re stretching me out, so goo—”

The pressure comes all at once. Your bodies suddenly jerk forward with the car and in your surprise, you slam down, crying out when his cock smacks against your cervix. The burn quite literally knocks the breath from you, lethal when coupled with the sharp spike of pleasure at being so full. There goes your plan of slow seduction, but neither of you are complaining.

“Sorry!” The driver calls, his voice coming through alarmingly clear through the partition. “Sudden red light!”

You look at Yoongi, and he looks at you. Silly smiles bloom across both your faces before you bury your nose into his neck. His white shirt is getting wrinkly, but who cares because you feel him shift inside you, nudge against your sweet spot and bliss pools in your stomach while you whimper.

“You should be quieter, since the divide is that thin,” Yoongi mutters, hand fondly squeezing your ass. “Even if I like hearing you scream.”

You roll your eyes. “The question is, can you?” It’s a little cramped still, but you work with what you got. Swivel your hips, grinding your clit onto him so he feels how much tighter you become. You scrunch the dress up, wanting to give him a view of how you sheathe all of him with every stroke. He groans appreciatively despite himself.

But it stops being about teasing him soon enough, once that haze of need takes over your brain and you start moving faster without even realizing it. It isn’t long before you’re practically bouncing on his cock, dragging you both closer to your ends with each sloppy squelch. “Shit, if you do that—”

“It’s all you,” you gasp, and it’s true. Yoongi always feels this good in you, no matter if it’s on your tiny single bed or in the backroom of a coffeeshop or an expensive ass luxury limo. On that delicious thought, you press two fingers to your needy clit and whine so loudly it makes Yoongi look at you in alarm. (It’s still fucking hot.)

You cum first, but that’s no surprise. It’s a point of pride for him to never leave you on the edge, and he’s happy to stave off his own orgasm for as long as it takes to get there. Sometimes even twice. But there’s no need for that now when your cunt is leaving him with no other choice than to unravel and fuck his cream as deeply inside you as possible. His hands clamp down on your thighs as his face screws up in concentration, enjoying every last pulse before he’s left with just pants and aftershocks. Just for fun, you manually give him a squeeze of your walls, just to watch him scrunch his nose in oversensitivity.

“Devil.”

You stick your tongue out at him.

It’s only when his cock softens enough to slip out of you that you gingerly shift back onto the seat, sitting with your ass slightly tilted up until he can hand you back the scraps that make up your panties. You feel humid, but it’s kind of nice with his cum still stuffed inside you.

“I think we should rent limos at least once a year,” you say, glowing with sweaty satisfaction. “That was fun.” While this night had cost you a whole paycheck, you’re graduating this year anyway, hopefully into a full-time job. You make a cheeky mental note to set 1% of your future paycheck aside for limo rides or other sex-cursions.

“Yeah, it really was.” Yoongi chuckles as he watches you smooth out your hair.

Seconds later, post-nut clarity evidently settles into his brain because his face falls. “I’m going to have to tip that poor driver everything I have, aren’t I?”

You flash all your teeth with your grin.

Groaning, he glares at his cock before tucking it back into his boxers. “Your pussy is gonna be the death of me.” But he makes you cuddle with him anyway, even though you’re both sticky and your fancy clothes definitely need some heavy dry cleaning.

Outside, you’re starting to recognize the neighbourhood and shops, your scenic route coming to an end. Yoongi sees it too, so he pulls out his wallet and starts flipping through the bills. He looks up every so often, as if doing the mental gymnastics as to figure out how much this kind of thing is worth. He looks so earnest that it makes you feel a little bad for him.

“Yoongi,” you say, after he pulls out way too much money. “Remember when I said Jungkook knows a guy?”

“Yeah...?”

You shut his wallet for him. “The driver does this kind of thing often. So, don’t need to worry about it. He’s used to it.”

Yoongi stares at you blankly. Then his eyes narrow, bottom lip jutting out in a pout that is not supposed to be adorable but totally is. “I was panicking this entire time! I was so worried that—I thought—You just—! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” You cackle, planting yourself squarely in his lap before leaning your head on his shoulder. He’s so warm and solid against you, effortlessly comfortable. “Love you,” you say with a smile, “super proud of you.”

Yoongi’s still grumbling when he presses his face into your hair. You don’t hear exactly what he says but you’re pretty sure it’s something like “you’re the worst.” Or maybe (probably) it’s “you’re insufferable.” Either way, it means you’re the most precious person on this earth.

a/n: i can’t tell you how much i love writing soft Yoongi! i hope you love him too 💕 bonus: how did Yoongi ask you to move in? ♡

#ficswithluv #yoongi smut #bts smut #bts imagines #yoongi x reader #yoongi fluff #min yoongi #the early shift #rain writes #<3 <3 <3

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gaetoeinhaler · 4 years

Text

𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞

leviathan x female reader smut

warnings ; possessive dom reader, sensitive sub levi, marking/love bites/hickeys, tail and horn grabbing, riding, dirty talk, thigh squeezing (even tho he got some chopstick lady legs), orgasm denial, edging, rough sex, squirting

a/n : im going to do a few dominant reader chapters, since i usually write for a submissive reader. though, ive been finding that i repeat the same actions every time i do a sub reader. so, to change things up for now, i'll do a few dominant reader chapters with different types of kinks and all. besides, being a dom writer is a bit troublesome to write for a sub reader when you have no idea what they act like when sub. whether they're bratty, flustered, blunt, or anything else, ive got no clue. all i know is how to be a possessive easily jealous dom 🤷‍♀️ also this was supposed to be out by last night lmao oops.

word count : 1.7k+

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sucking and biting, the endless whimpers and whines from the demon never stopped. straddling his lap, grinding against his hard erection, teasing and tempting him more. "a-ah~" a small moan fell from his lips, causing me to lift up my head and stare into his sunset colored eyes. lust, passion, love. many more emotions were held within them, tense and raw.

"levi," his name flowed off my tongue, my eyes piercing into his as the blush upon his pale cheeks grew a more intense color of redish pink. "you naughty boy."

planting my face back into the crook of his neck, i licked a spot before attaching my teeth to it, sucking before digging in the skin, not harsh enough to cause it to bust and bleed, but gentle enough to leave a deep mark. a mark to show who exactly leviathan belongs to.

seeing his horns, i reached up, gently stroking them before clasping my hand around them gently, knowing how sensitive they are. loud erotic sounds erupted from levi's throat, his face flushing an even deeper red shade then before.

chuckling to myself, i licked them softly before sliding myself from his body and to my knees. grabbing the hem of his pants, i tugged them down, revealing the tight tent in his boxers, a small wet stain with white. licking my lips, i slipped his pants off before grabbing ahold of his legs, holding them in my hands and kissing at his skin softly, before starting to suck and nibble, then leaving more marks.

planning to mark the demon head to toe, i stared into his eyes, a wicked smile spread across my lips as i could see slight tears come to the brim of his eyelids. "(y/n) please~" he moaned out softly, his forked tongue bit between his teeth as i neared closer to the tent hidden behind his underwear. "not yet, levi. you've been a good boy this far, so continue before i decided to be rougher."

nipping more at his smooth thighs, i left more marks amongst his pale skin. teeth digging in his flesh, leaving red marks that would surely bruise. licking at them softly as i left more and more behind every spot i went to, i turned my slightly to see levi's face. his hair was disheveled, his face red and his forked tongue out, saliva present on it. his eyes were closed, his neck starting to bruise and become red from the previous marks left on his skin.

smiling to myself, I continued my work down here. levi's tail was in view, a thought going through my head. reaching over and gently grabbing it, a loud moan escaped levi's lips. rubbing my thumb along his scales, feeling just exactly how cold to the touch it was. i knew he had scale markings amongst is body, seeing as i had already stimulated those on his neck.

releasing his tail, my hands grasped back on his thighs, causing him to yelp in surprise. feeling the soft skin within my hands, as well as feeling the dent of my marks on them, i looked at what i made. there were already bruises forming, some parts having red spots showing that blood would pop up if i had just bitten a little harder.

"levi, baby." i spoke softly, my hands moving up his thighs and towards his hips until my fingers latched onto the hem of his boxers. "you've been good so far. hold on a little more, alrighty?" i moved up, planting kisses amongst his stomach and up his chest to meet his lips, placing a gentle kiss upon them.

slipping his underwear off from his hips and down his legs, i made quick disposal of them. looking down to see in between his legs was his erection, standing straight up, pre-cum leaking from the tip and down the rest of his length. the veins under the skin were clear, able to be seen. biting my bottom lip, i moved to see levi's expression.

his expression was the same before, except his eyes were open, revealing those sunset eyes i had found myself to fall in love with. leaning in, i pressed my lips against his. "be patient, be a good boy for me levi." i whispered against his mouth. he let out a soft grunt, watching as i moved back to take off my own clothes.

lifting up my shirt and unclipping my bra, i dropped those clothing items to the ground before ridding myself of my shorts and panties. leaving my clothes to accompany levi's on the ground, i moved back towards his body, still sitting in the chair he'd sit in to game.

his face got even more red, if that was even a possibility. straddling his lap, i hovered above his reaction, only moving down to tease the tip to my slit, letting it feel how wet ive become.

his hands moved from the arm rests of the chair and settled on my hips, grasping them lightly. leaning into his touch, i nuzzled against his skin, feeling the vibrations of his soft moans. pressing a kiss to one of the bruises forming, i lowered myself onto his length.

my walls sucked him in, his size stretching me once more and soaking in the slick within my entrance. slowly lowering, i stopped when it was all in. staying still, i let my body get accustomed to the new sensation. once ready, i lifted my hips from off him before slamming myself back down, a loud moan ripping from my throat, mingling with levi's own groan in the air.

examining his eyes, i saw small tears form in them. bringing my hand up, i wiped them away before pressing a kiss to his adams apple. lifting my hips back up, i started to form a rhythm, sliding off and on to his cock as my hips moved up and down. the tip entered at a harsh pace, pushing against my spongey spot, before continuing its way deep into me before coming out.

angling my hips for him to hit that special spot, he started to thrust up, falling into a small sync with my own pace. more moans ripped through my throat, my hands moving from his shoulders to his horns, grasping ahold of the bases of them and leaning into him.

bouncing amongst his cock, my breasts moving with every harsh thrust against him, i stared into his eyes. seeing all the emotions within them, mixing and stirring around. as his tip kept hitting my special spot, the rest of his cock following to press against it, the veins pressing harder, more moans came from out me.

gripping his horns harder, running my thumb up and down them, i stimulated the demon under me more, bringing him closer to his orgasm. "(y/n)!" he gasped, more tears forming at the brim of his eyes. "i-i'm gonna cum soon!" he gasped out. rubbing harsher, faster amongst his horns as i kept a steady pace with his member, i could feel him twitch inside of me.

before he could cum, i lifted my hips up and away from his, hearing a desperate whine come out his throat. confusion and desperation were written within his face.

"not yet, i havent gave you permission to cum, naughty boy." I whispered into his ear before turning myself around, until back was pressed up against his. his hands grasped ahold of my hips once more, his length ready to penetrate me once more and bring him closer to his and my orgasm.

sliding my onto his length, i felt the bit of cum that did escape from him. panting slightly as he started to move once more, this time with every soft thrust he gave, it hit my g-spot. his tail was flicking around against the ground, my eyes following its length until i found the base of it. grabbing ahold, i felt the cold scales against my warm fingers.

stimulating and putting more pleasure into levi, his hips started to thrust harder against me, chasing our orgasms as his tip kept hitting against my g-spot at a fast pace, the veins at the top of his cock pushing against them as well.

gasping, i closed my eyes from the feeling, enjoying the pleasure i was receiving. wet moans and the sound of his hips slamming up to meet mine filled within the room.

"Levi~!" his name fell from my lips, as i felt my orgasm coming closer. determined, he kept thrusting against my hips, until a certain groan rumbled from his throat. a signal that he was going to cum.

pushing my hips against his as much as i could, the knot within my lower abdomen broke as my walls clenched down around his length, my body shaking against his as my own cum gushed out of my body. he soon released after i had, his body shaking slightly as his grip against my hips tightened, his nails digging and piercing into my skin.

his semen spurted from his tip, and into my entrance, painting it all white with his cum. panting, i let go of his tail, and turning to rest my head against his chest.

his arms enclosed around me, embracing and caging me into his touch. "good boy," i breathed out before placing a kiss to his collar bone where one of his scales were.

"but we're not done just yet." a wicked smile formed across my face.

#obey me #obey me leviathan #obey me leviathan x reader #obey me leviathan x female reader #obey me smut #leviathan #leviathan x reader #leviathan x female reader #leviathan x female reader smut #x reader #smut #x female reader #reader insert #female reader insert

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kweebtrash · 4 years

Text

Kinktober #3: Face Sitting (M)

Pairing: Hongseok x 2nd Person Reader

Summary: Some kinda realer scenarios where not everyone can cum easily or have those magic orgasms but face sitting/riding may do the trick. Also Honk is excited for his victory

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I know kinktober is supposed to be S p i c y TM but idk, sometimes i just want some sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Kinktober Prompts by @immabiteyou

You always had a problem with cumming. You had no idea what it was but nothing, no matter how hard you tried, took you over that edge. There may have been some small tremors here and there and you definitely werent asking for an over the top bone rattling orgasm at this point. Just ANYTHING would be fine. It always weighed on the back of your mind, especially knowing that Hongseok tried his absolute fucking damndest to make sure you felt good.

And you did. The way his strong hands roamed over your body, spreading fire throughout your skin, always made shivers zip throughout. His kisses were full of healing magic; those soft, sweet plump lips could cure any bad day but also ignite the dirtiest of feelings to where you ended up clawing at each other. His body-well that was a given- the boy woke up and looked at his abs first thing in the morning, every morning. He was obsessed with being fit (sometimes too obsessed) and there was a prying thought of self consciousness that popped into your head every once in awhile. Comparing the way you looked on his arm to his being in general sometimes made you feel like you werent good enough for him. But that surely couldnt have be part of the problem.

Because here he was, once again devoted to your body and full of determination. He knew you enjoyed fucking, the act of being close to him in of itself was always special and exciting. It was just your stupid body that wouldnt react. It was like your brain was screaming in pleasure but your body was just like ‘meh, gonna take the one thing you desire the most and just not do it’.

Maybe there were a few traumatic things that had to be worked through, sure, but Hongsi was the only man you had every fully trusted to never let you down. He knew almost immediately the first few times you had faked it, and it offended him, but you explained the annoyance at yourself-which was a bit hard to say the least.

“I loved it. I felt great, seriously i did. The only part that was faked was…"the end.”

And why? Because you were used to it. Because it was ingrained in you to do it; always making the man feel like he had done an amazing job-except this time Hongseok actually had. From the first time to the most recent. He never failed but you did.

He wanted honesty from that point on. He wanted to work on things, try everything under the sun; from restraints, to wax, to toys, and positions that were sometimes almost impossible. But it remained a puzzle the two of you couldnt solve. Tonight didnt seem to be any different save for the fact that you had taken up residence on his face like it was a goddamn throne. His tongue was diving so deep inside you, filling you with a nice warm, wet, thickness that made the pit of your stomach clench. He had eaten you out before, that was one of the first things he tried in an attempt to make you cum, but it had never occurred to either of you to actually try face sitting. Why? Who knows. Sometimes the simplest of things slip the mind and perhaps the whole time the two of you had been overthinking it.

But with all the gadgets and gizmos and positions that made you feel like you were in a yoga class thrown out the window, you found your nails digging into the wall that you had been supporting yourself on. The scratching forced chips of paint to crumble from the wall though it was nothing compared to how fast the headboard was thumping against it. Your thighs were burning but you continued rolling your hips like it was your job. Hongseok spurred you on as he seemed to enjoy this just as much as you were. Perhaps he was enjoying it much more.

He was growling, sometimes snarling, as he paired flickers of his tongue with hot open mouth kisses to your heat and nibbles to any sensitive area he could reach, especially the junction of your inner thighs. While your fingers dug into the wall, his dug into your hips, your ass, your back, marring you with the blunt indentations of his short nails and leaving streaks of red in their wake. You were sure he had barely come up for air and the one second you pulled away to make sure he was okay he forced you right back down to his lips with his nose brushing against the bundle of nerves that had awakened with desire. You were feeling all of your lower muscles tighten to the point where your legs almost felt numb but it was all worth it.

Hongseok slid his tongue through your folds once more, the tip of it teasing your hole that you though he had finally given a break to. The slow and lazy drags, however, were making you shudder just as much as the fast ones and covered your frame with everlasting tingles. Your free hand gripped onto his sweat soaked hair as you tried to level yourself. Holy shit, was this really it? Was this really the time were it would happen? Oh god, you werent ready. Well you were- in the sense that you had been waiting for this for YEARS with him-but also you werent exactly sure what it would feel like. Would this be one of those tiny ones that just felt like a relaxing exhale or one of those wild porn ones that were so ridiculous? Were you really going to scream in ecstasy and feel like you were going insane? Hell yes you were.

“H-Hong,” you choked out as he suctioned his lips around your clit while his thumbs spread your lower lips wide apart. “I think it-it’s happening.”

His eyes flung open, wide and flickering with undertones of amber within the dim beside lamp’s light. “Whats happening?” The words came out in muffled jumbles as he refused to pull away.

“You know…it. The…the thing.”

He finally pulled away as bewilderment spread across his face. “You mean like you feel like youre gonna cum?”

“I-i think so? I mean…im assuming that’s why everything feels so tense, like im gonna explode. That’s what happens right?”

“I think its different for everyone. I get tense too, but then i feel all warm and get kinda snuggly and hold onto you tighter.” He did and it was the cutest fucking thing ever.

“Well im hoping this is it.” You sighed.

“Dont start thinking about it now or you’ll lose focus. Just concentrate on me, babe. Just like before, yeah? Can you ride my face some more?”

“You really like this dont you?” You peered down at him and giggled.

“Baby, you were literally born to sit on my face, i swear it. It sounds stupid and fuckboy-ish, I know, but Ive never wanted this so bad until i felt you grind against my lips.”

Red flushed your cheeks and you looked away in an effort to hide your sudden shyness. Hongsi just chucked and placed the gentlest of kisses to your clit. “On me. Focus.” He reminded you again and you exhaled deeply, letting your mind go as much as it had before. Through the painful numbness in your bent legs that surrounded his head, you pushed on, wiggling your hips in a teasing way that earned a small smack to your ass. The sting made you jump but feel ever so much naughtier. It kick started your chaotic grinds again which welcomed the harsh thrusts and lewd slurping. It was almost embarrassing to hear how wet your were from both your cum and his tongue but in a weird way it gave you a sense of pride and reassurance that this felt amazing.

More pressure built up within your system and you found yourself short of breath now. You swallowed hard and tried to recoup but it was all for naught as your heart thundered so loud you could hear it in your ears. You had managed to make the headboard slam harder against the wall, the top of the filigreed wood leaving its own mark in the paint much like your nails had. Your thighs tightened and you could feel him smile into your skin. He fucking loved the way you seemed so close to crushing his skull if you actually could. The yanking of his hair to shove him closer, as if it were possible at this point, also had him lifting his head as your hips dipped and the very tip of his tongue hit something inside you just as it curled.

And then you let go. Almost so fast from everything that Hongseok had to press his hands into your lower back to prevent you from tossing yourself back completely. You were shaking, your knees digging into the pillow beneath his head. Your hands that had found safety in the wall and his hair now flailed and searched for something to hold onto but it was like they couldnt. You had lost all control. Your brain was fuzzy. Your body was fuzzy. But best of all you felt wave after wave of clench and release with your first full orgasm.

He finally let you go and you collapsed to the wayside instantly curling against his side. He pulled you into his arms and speckled your head with kisses as he squeezed you tight. He was patient and waited for you to come down though he was absolutely beaming with pride. “That was…not how i imagined it would feel like but holy shit.” You managed to finally say.

“Fuck yeah!!” He said victoriously and he raised his hand for a high five. You couldnt help but laugh at his dorkiness and return the gesture. The excitement and happiness between you two was unfathomable. You didnt want to say that this was the best night with him just because you finally came. There had been plenty of other times where he made you feel so perfect and precious and completely in love with him that you almost cherished that more. But tonight was definitely like top five material.

“Im happy i could finally do this for you…” He returned to seriousness and you sighed as you began to wipe away traces of your cum from his face.

“Im sorry if you felt like i put pressure on you. I never meant-”

“Nah, it wasnt you. It was me. You know how i can sometimes be a perfectionist and i know its not like the end all be all of our relationship but…i dont know. I always felt like you deserved to feel good and happy. Like you just deserved…everything.” He shrugged and pretended to take more interest in plucking away a stray hair from your shoulder.

The guilt you had accumulated over the years suddenly lessened and you realized that it wasnt just about making you feel good sexually. It was actually, as cliche as it sounded, about bringing you two closer together in devotion and fulfilling a fantasy. The warmth in your body returned but for a different and cheesy romance movie kinda reason and you snuggled closer to his chiseled chest.

“Thank you…” You whispered. “For not being annoyed or giving up on me and helping me work through whatever was holding me back.”

“It’s what im here for, right? I think i’d be a shitty boyfriend if i wasnt.”

“Well you got that right.” You tilted your head up and kissed him gently, tasting the aftermath on his lips. “You better go wash your face before it gets all sticky.”

“That can wait. Besides i was kinda wondering if….” The both of you looked down at his cock, knocking your heads in the process. It never failed for the two of you to have an idiotic moment but he definitely needed to be rewarded after this.

#hongseok #yang hongseok #hongseok smut #pentagon smut #ptg smut #kinktomato #pentagon drabble #yang hongseok smut #hongseok fluff #pentagon fluff #ptg fluff #universe #idk what else to tag this as tbh

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marveling-chrisevans · 4 years

Text

Quarantine || Chris Evans x Reader

Pairings: Chris Evans x Reader / Chris Evans x You

Warnings: Smut and a little cute fluffy - also could be triggering for current situations.. also kinda long

Words Count: 2045

Summary: Chris quarantine alone so is his neighbor (y/n) too. So they talk all day across the balcony because of the distancing, and the sexual tension becomes to much and Chris jumps the railing and they screw right then

Tag-List: @patzammit @torntaltos @smoothdogsgirl (tag list is also open so if you want to be tagged let me know, you can reply to this or send an ask)

A/N: Sometimes smut is hard to write. So there is that before you read this. I try my best with it, not the actual best writer of smut but ill work on it -- sorry it took a few days to post I had to one finish it and its almost finals so ive been a bit distracted

Living so far from your family during this time was hard when you couldn’t even walk the streets. You knew the man next door to you though passing but you had never actually sat down and talked to him. One week into being alone you saw him sitting outside reading a book, so you open your sliding glass door and walked over to the edge and lean over to read the title “so is it any good?” You wondered with a slight smile on your face looking at him. He closed his book and looked over at you “yeah its pretty good, fancy seeing you out here” he teased back “feeling lonely?” He wondered as he leaned forward in the chair he was sitting “i guess this whole being stuck inside and not being able to do anything is really putting a damper on my social life I'm left talking to you” You teased back “I'm y/n” you introduced yourself incase you never have “Chris, you know we have lived next door to each other for like a year now and never done that..” He smiled back at you. “you should be more friendly”

“Says the guy who always looks like he is running late or the world is going to end” your laugh slightly “seriously every time I see you in the lobby or the hall you are like sprinting out the door, do you need a watch or something?” You wondered with a cocky smirk on your face “If you must know I just like to be perfectly on time.” He snarked back “and its not usually me its the driver they send every morning, he gets here so late and I have to run to him so we can make it on time” he defended himself “oh driver, what do you do for a living, you live in this nice apartment int he middle of the city and have a driver” She wondered as she took a seat herself on her patio furniture

“nothing really special I act in a couple of things, right now I'm staring in a show on broadway called Lobby hero” he said back to her “otherwise I don’t spend much time in the city” “oh so your can actor, no wonder your always late. Have you been in anything I would have seen, note I don’t watch many movies only the ones I'm dragged to” You asked him crossing your legs facing him “uh I'm not sure then I did a few romcoms back in the day, currently I'm playing captain America” he said thinking “have you seen the old school fantastic four?” He asked looking back at you taking a drink of his water “you mean the one with uh Jessica Alba? I mean of course” You replied back “oh my god Jonny storm.. aka human douche” you smirked “thats what my friends called you in that movie”

He couldn’t help but laugh as he clutched his chest with his hand “oh my god thats a good one, he was kinda an asshole in that movie” He smiled. That is how your days went. You two talked, and talked and talked till it got so personal Spending time with each other has been the staple of your day,

Most days you got our coffee and then headed out to the balcony with a book and waited for Chris to get up and get ready. Some days it was about an hour as you had always been an early riser. You most mornings did a home work out, weather it was yoga or like a dance video

Walking out this morning you were just in your yoga pants and a tank-top, thank god the weather had been improving from winter and was actually warmer.

This morning you were reading the book you met Chris reading, he had finished it and lended it to you. As you enjoyed your cup of coffee as he walked out and looked over at you “so you're enjoying it then?” He wondered as he sat down with his puppy outside You carefully close the book to not lose your page “yes I am sucked in. Its really eye opening and like life changing” you smiled across the balcony at him “good morning dodger, your cutest than your owner did you know that?” You said leaning forward and petting him since he was on the railing

“oh is that what you really think?” Chris wondered walking up next to dodger looking at you locking eye contact, you couldn’t help but just freeze where you were, locking the stare of his piercing blue eyes. “no?” You questioned yourself “i mean you are decent looking” you said biting the inside of your lip as you pull the stare you to hard, which had quite honestly created the most sexual tension the two of you have had yet “so what are you plans today?” You wondered “you know, talking to you, and maybe making some food” he said with a shrug “but here is the thing not go anywhere.” He smirked over at you. He found you attractive. He just looked at you as he leaned against the railing, “what about yourself” “well I was thinking about kidnapping that adorable dog, and reading this book. And I guess talking to you” you teased him slightly as you had nothing else to do ‘and order food because I'm out, lets be honest” you shrugged “i need to venture out one day but for now ill just do take out” Chris shook his head “yeah I wouldn’t they make a thing called this grocery delivery thing.” He said simply. He said taking off his jacket which relived his white t-shirt, which just outlined his muscles completely, you couldn’t help but stare at them. “right yeah right yep I should look into that” You said still looking at him. Chris couldn’t help but watch you look at him. He to be quite honest he found it even more fantasying to you. He took his moment. He opened the door for dodger to go back in as he jumped over the rail, the gap between your two balcony was about a foot, it wasn’t that much that he was going to hurt himself being on a higher floor. He had the urge to actually be connected to her, he couldn’t stand it any longer. You were so confused watching him jump over the railing “what are you doing? Are you crazy you could hurt yourself!” You said as you took a step back so he had room to land as he jumped over “oh my god you just about gave me a heart attack why would you do that!”

Chris didn’t respond he just put his hand on your hip and pulled you closer to him and crashed his lips. You responded by kissing him back and putting your arms around his neck pulling away “what are you?” You tried to ask him before he cut you off with another kiss. You ran your hands down his shirt till it was in hem and started to tug at it, as they long enough to pull his shirt off and then he pulled your shirt off. He picked you up and set you on your patio table. You didn’t question any of it. You took a second with your hands on his abs as you pulled away from a breath “god damn what are you made out of stone” you wondered looking at him. He smiled and looked at her “no just a lot of working out, you wanna do this?” He wondered just to confirm cause concert “I've wanted this the last few weeks, but I'm not daring enough to jump over the rail, though you could have used the door” you teased him again with a smirk “thats it” he said picking you up and took off your pants as he pulled you to the front of the table as you worked on undoing his belt. You stared to push them down to his ankles.

He picked you up again well kissing you very passionately and intently. Bringing you into your apartment, your neighbors didn’t need a show but he didn’t care at that point, He laid you down on the couch kicking off his own pants and grinding himself against you. You couldn’t help but letting a moan escape your lips, into his mouth, you could feel the edges of his lips smile knowing that you enjoyed that. He bite your lip as he pulled off your panties and you his boxers, you ran your hand down his body to meet his member, using your hand getting to run the length, guiding him to the entrance. After making him put on a condom. He could feel the wetness running off your clit as he slide into you. You gasps as he entered you, you knew how big it was, but feeling it inside of you was a whole different story. Being who he was he pulled away from your kiss “are you okay is that okay?” He wondered. You without words nodded as he started to pump his hips into yours. You lifted your legs wrapping them around his waist. Rounding your hips into his.

He cupped your breast giving it a tight squeeze which made another moan escape you're lips “Chris, harder” you said breathless and he obeyed doing exactly what you said.

As you closed your eyes feeling every kind of euphoric sensation you reached up and ran your hands though his He could feel when you were getting close he ran his hand down your lower body as he found your clit and started to play with it. This sent you over the edge, you could feel the pit in the lower part of your stomach tighten, and your walls around his penis. He could tell you were getting close, he shifted and started to thrust into you harder feeling you cum around him. He finished at the same time you did, the two of you road out the high of the climax before he pulled out. He lowered his head breathless as they hung over your breasts, and you shifted so he could lay next to you on the couch. You laughed slightly looking at him “did that really just happen?” You asked out loud as he joined you on the couch. “it did yes, id say it was a long time coming” He smiled and kissed you again “from the first day we met outside” You couldn’t help but smile and bite your lip “I have a question, what does the mean?” You wondered as your finger ran over the tattoo he had on his collarbone, letting it linger on his body “it is Buddhism for When you lose touch with inner stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world.” He said back to you with a small smile “interesting” you said and kissed him again and got up “I'm hungry now” you said as you grabbed his shirt from outside and slide it over your head and walked into the kitchen.

He got up and slide on his boxers and followed you. “right I haven’t gotten food” you said as you look in the fridge that is basically empty at this point “come on” he said as he handed you your panties and you slide them on. He took you over to his apartment and made you some food. “also if you keep wearing that shirt we might end up in round two sooner than you think” he said back to you “okay then ill keep wearing it” you said after walking into his apartment and walked over to his puppy and sat on the floor next to him “oh your such a good boy dodger, oh okay” you laughed as dodger knocked you over and attacked you with kisses Chris Smiled as he looked over at the both of you knowing that he could see a future between the two of you, and to think if you weren’t locked in the house you two may of never met.

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans smut #chris Evans fluff #Chris Evans x Reader #Chris Evans x you #Chris Evans x y/n #Chris Evans fandom #Chris Evans Story #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fanfiction #Defending Jacob #andy barber #Lobby hero #Captian america #Steve rodgers #ari levinson

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secretsniper2 · 3 years

Text

A Walk in the Park

Morning, another dreary day ahead, usual routine, put my robe on, brush hair and put in ponytail, bit of makeup. Downstairs for something to eat and some coffee when i see it by the front door, a letter. Bit strange, i don't usually get letters but its addressed to me so why not check it out?

“Dear Emma, Our scouts saw you a few weeks ago and we believe you would be a perfect fit for our next event, you'll receive fair compensation for your time and equipment will be provided on arrival. we hope you accept.”

Looking over the letter again its as simple as its written, it even has a address, time and date, 5pm this Friday? well its not like im busy or anything, i was going to go to the movies with some friends but they bailed on me, and my account is getting rather empty.. sounds interesting.

“At least i now have something to DO in 3 days!” i chuckle to myself.

Sitting around the house with nothing to do, i think ill check out this address today while its broad daylight, its on the other side of town so i can walk through the park on the way and have some fresh air.

Sliding out of my robe i opt for a white shirt with black pants, always a good combo and some typical shoes for the park and walk. Busy today as usual as people rush in every direction on their way to wherever they are going, after a few brushes with clearly eager hands with 1 cupping my ass i manage to get to the park and take a breath, “pretty handsy today” i think to myself as i run my hand over my freshly groped ass. Another breath in and i continue away from the hands on crowd and move on.

Its quite impressive, iv walked past this building a few times before but this will be the first time i actually see the inside, its usually for high end events the kind of which id never enjoy, the high arches over the front door, the marble columns and statues lining the outside. what kind of job will it be anyway? im not good with food.

i shrug as i walk back through the park, longer route than i need but its a nice day to wander.

As i sit on a bench i can hear something i dont think iv ever expected to hear in a park, someone is moaning, quiet enough to not draw much attention but loud enough to hear if you get too close.. like me. Curiosity has me by the tits now as i turn to the bushes behind my chair and look around a large tree. Red hair swaying back and forth as right on the other side of the tree some girl is getting fucked, hard by her restricted moans, a red ballgag wedged tight in her mouth and a blindfold over her eyes, the man wont see me if i stay behind the tree but with his eyes closed he couldn't see the girl his cock is ramming.

The girl has some small clamps on her nipples with her blue minidress pulled down under her breasts and pulled up over her hips, its nothing more than a loose corset right now, 6 inch heels padlocked to her feet and a collar locked around her neck. Rose red cheeks almost glowing with heat as her moans escape the gag, on closer look the man has his cock buried not in her pussy, its her ass he is stuffing, her pussy is vacant but there's something covering it that has a few wires running up her back leading to a purple remote.

My adrenaline skyrockets as the man starts looking around for observers but luckily looked away first so i leaned back around the tree and was not gone as far as they knew, my own cheeks red now after watching what's going on, my own pussy pulsing as arousal sets in, i slowly look around the tree and the man is gone, the redhead is still there, on all 4s and shaking in a euphoric bliss.

A hand, grasping my shoulder and neck, squeezing tight my surprise wasted on a sharp inhale rather than a scream for help, im spun around and his eyes are staring daggers into mine, normally i would be thrashing by now but the sheer surprise, this man who was just fucking the other girl places a wet hand over my mouth. fear over the cause for the wetness keeps my lips sealed as my eyes lock to his own. The remaining hand which had spun me around was already working on my pants, pushing under and into my long since wet panties, his large fingers pushing in without a moments hesitation as his knuckle grinds into my clit.

I orgasm, faster than iv ever cum before, what takes minutes for me with my vibrator took this man seconds with 2 large fingers, 2 large fingers which are now moving like pistons as im spun around yet again, my back to him as his hand that was over my mouth leaves his mark on my lips as my neck is grasped. led from behind to the other girl who is now sitting up, blindfold off and eyes gazing at me, my body under the command of another's forceful insistence.

The hand that had been massaging me close to another orgasm withdraws as he trails my own juices up under my shirt and pinches my nipple through my bra. The man commands and the girl responds by crawling up and begins to pull my pants down, white panties soaked and stuck to my pussy in full view to this woman as my pants are pulled down to my knees. A little giggle from the woman reveals shes removed her gag, handing it to the man who then lowers to the ground, my body falling after him, the woman crawling under my pants and looks up, face now between my legs as my panties are dragged aside by her thin fingers.

As i open my mouth to beg her not to continue i see a flash of red and my mouth widens in surprise, the gag the redhead was wearing, biting and drooling on was now buckled into my own mouth, biting instinctively against the situation the man begins pulling my shirt and bra up over my head. Im helpless and exposed, 1 arm from this man is holding both of mine behind my back and i cant beat his strength. His remaining hand cupping my breasts 1 at a time as his friend peals my panties off my pussy.

“She looks so tasty! how much can i have?” the redhead gleefully says like a child talking about chocolate.

“Till i say so” the man responds in a deep throaty voice.

Its all she needed to hear as her face sinks into my sex, her lips locking with my won and her nose presses against my clit, her tongue working my walls over and then sinking in for a better taste.

To say im the loudest moaner would be natural, of course iv never been gagged and eaten out by another woman before, her nose running back and forth as i cum right on her tongue which she slurped up with a desperation iv never seen on anyone before. the sounds of her moaning into my pussy sending shivers up my spine, why couldn't i just ignore the sounds?

Eyes shooting open at the thought, what if someone else is now watching me cum at the tongue of this woman with a gag in my mouth? ill be seen as the pervert here more than these 2! The hand that had been working my breasts moves again, this time to my gagged mouth, covering it easily he pinches my nose as well, i cant breathe! and this woman has doubled her effort, at this rate ill cum for a 3rd time in as many minutes!

Mind begging for air, brain screaming for it as my eyes fall on the mans face, his cold expression telling me that it wont end soon, muscles tensing as my pussy shakes with a tongue and fingers working hard, another orgasm slurped up by the hungry redhead and still the man holds tight, the woman now focussing on my throbbing clit which, till now has only been rubbed by her nose on occasion, hot lips tight at the base as her tongue caresses as she sucks hard.

a 4th orgasm tears through my body, iv never had 4 in a row, most iv had till now was 2 in a row. These 2 are pushing me and they don't care if i break! Air rushes in as the man releases my nose, waiting for the exhale he pinches again, the woman pressing fingers deep inside, my G-spot being massaged as my clit is sucked.

“Enough Cunt” the man says, loud enough to be heard by just us as the woman breaks away from my throbbing pussy, her handiwork was leading me to a 5th, release the man has taken away as the source of pleasure slides out from between my legs with her face glistening in my pleasure, a smile on her face and eyes on mine. the lights dim as im forced to pass out.. not here, with them.

“nooo..” i weakly say into the gag.

____

Cold, wet, exhausted.. My eyes open and im alone, in a small, secluded alcove of bushes, no one would find her here but why am i here? im in another part of the park entirely! did they really move me while i was unconscious? at least my clothes are all back on, a bit forced, but with a noticeable difference.. my panties are gone, bra too.. my soaked pussy in my pants and rigid nipples rubbing against my shirt, its already chafing and i have barely moved!

“Home is.. that way” i think to myself as i shamble out of the bushes, my pants occasionally making contact with my hypersensitive pussy, my muscles jerk or twitch in response as it takes me 15 minutes to walk 3 minutes with me constantly looking over my shoulders, occasionally looking at others and becoming very aware of my nipples making their presence known to any who would look my way.

Safe, i think. Doors locked as i check the clock on the wall, iv been gone all day! how long was i out? did they do anything to me while i was unconscious? ill have to give my body a look in my room, walking up my stairs i look completely different compared to this morning, my neat hair in a ponytail? now a utter mess, my white shirt not missing a button and my nipples pressing through the thin fabric, my black pants now dirty and panties missing with a soaked pussy just underneath.

Stripping in my room i turn to my mirror, my breasts have bruises, my pussy burning red, clit still throbbing. looking at my soaked pussy my mind drifts back, i could have ran! i could have screamed! but i just watched and wanted and then joined them. was i really that needy? that pent up?

My hand already beating my mind to the punch as my fingers circle my clit, sitting on my bed i fall back as i work hard, my need burning again, harder than usual. My fingers clearly not up to the task i roll over to my bedside table, my toys will scratch this itch as usual, at least to release.

Why? WHY?! why did i enjoy what they did?! the man pinning me with 1 arm and the woman, that redhead, her mouth.. her lips, the skill and determination.. why did i love every second of her attention, rolling over, closing my legs, locking my vibrator against my clit it isnt enough! its always worked before,

“my favourite position and toy have never failed me before” i plead in my head as i curl into a ball as the vibrations stir me into a frenzy, memories of what happened still fresh in my mind, nipples pinched, clit sucked, pussy devoured.

“nnnngh! Cmmmm NNNNNNN” i grunt into my pillow!

why wont it work! i need to, i want to cum! why why whyyy! my mind racing with desire when a thought rose up. Moving my arms behind my back i grab my elbows with my hands and squeeze hard, i bite my pillow and moan as a colossal orgasm tears my pussy to pieces on its way out! the single largest orgasm iv ever had and my arms race to the vibrator and turn it off with tears in my eyes, i know what they did to me.. but what did they do to me?

#Stories #Custom

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