#i have two equal emotions

[bloomynmoon]

i want them

[dustyfairywings]

So you know how Takayoshi gifted Akemi two songbirds in a cage together as a sincere apology for his mother?

I think those two birds are meant to symbolize both Akemi and Takayoshi. They are both marginalized in some way despite their privilege. Akemi as the daughter of a lord and Takayoshi as the disabled second son of the shogun are both denied agency in their roles despite their privilege. Takayoshi and Akemi both are song birds in a gilded cage. Two pawns to the political and social machinations of their parents. Akemi a victim to her father’s political aspirations and Takayoshi evidently a victim to his mother’s social manipulations.

(Aside: and possibly emotional abuse/neglect, with the way he was forbidden from speaking to women and who knows what actually happened to this first wife. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that it seems to me like this is all in service of maintaining a “respectable” image of the family, and cannot risk having people know he has a stutter. just spitballing here)

If I were to make a prediction for season 2, or a wish, it’s that I would like to see Akemi and Takayoshi form a genuine bond and alliance as two privileged-yet-marginalized individuals having to navigate a politically fraught and rigidly hierarchical society, and I think there’s at least some textual evidence to support this being a real possibility.

They demonstrate in the show Takayoshi is no fool and that he’s clearly an educated and well-read man. Take how he engages with Akemi’s poetry during sex compared to Taigen as an example. He simply has a disability and is somewhat submissive and subdued (likely due to being shamed or ridiculed for his stutter and getting little to no support as a child). They are capable of being intellectual equals. Any sort of power or control Akemi would gain over Takayoshi is by virtue of the kindness and empathy she is showing him, not because she’s outsmarting him. I believe Takayoshi is willingly surrendering himself to his wife and cognizant of this fact.

I think we may see a dynamic where Akemi will both advocate for her own political ends but also at times advocate for and try to protect her husband where she can where familial and interpersonal relationships are involved. I really really hope their union will be one that grows in political power through the healing power of love, compassion, and solidarity between two marginalized individuals.

They can acknowledge the humanity in each other and see each other as equals in their shared pain and victimization, and find empowerment through each other. If they cannot be their own masters at least they can be each other’s sole masters.

Takayoshi and Akemi may be two songbirds stuck in a gilded cage, stripped of their freedom and humanity. But they at least have each other and together they can harmonize.

[void-pitcher]

errgh just hc never expecting anything from xl, nvr having a "oh no i put him on a pedestal he cant reach" and instead just wanting xl for things he has done, not things he will and how xl lost so much bc ppl put him on such a pedestal and how hc was the only one who listened when xl told him not to kneel and how the uniqueness in hc's view of xl isnt bc he sees him as untouchable when everyone saw him as touchable but because he saw him as touchable when everyone saw him as untouchable

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

oughh......

[cosmicrhetoric]

i don't know if fishman island era sanji is genuine flanderization or im somehow giving him too much and too little credit at the same time. and maybe i was just frustrated that he regressed so bad after two years on Gender Island when i erroneously assumed (after watching iva + co at impel down express that queerness is as close to the ultimate ideal of freedom that one piece is about as you can get) that he would be better for the experience. and i know im going to turn around on him by the time i get to whole cake island but literally brother can we cut this shit out lmao

[snixx]

mike wheeler in the fic I'm reading has exactly as much tact as I did in high school. what can I say sometimes you really do have to learn the hard way that you do not immediately ask your best friend who is also your soon-to-be ex's sibling "nothing's going to change between us no matter how much your sister and i hypothetically hate each other in the future right?" when you're LITERALLY still in the middle of your very messy breakup and they're furious at you secondhand because of #siblingsolidarity. not to mention he handled the break up itself like an ass like go off thank you author i love it truly the representation for us completely oblivious emotionally challenged idiots we're starved of otherwise NO ONE EVER GETS HOW STUPID WE CAN TRULY BE

[sunshinechay]

Sorry not sorry you NEED to info dump me on prapapski I need to be convinced to watch this show. Im on the edge of getting into it, but im feeling lazy LOL. Push me into the void! Im ready!! Im immune to spoilers, just lay it on me XD

Well, you asked for it. Haha XD Putting it under a cut because this is long! sorry not sorry

First of all, PrapaiSky has, in my opinion, god tier relationship development. Prapai starts off as a total fuckboy, who is creepy to say the least, who becomes just the best boyfriend one could ask for to his Sky. I’ve described Sky before as a traumatized little bumblebee and I think it holds up. He can be prickly, standoffish and even downright mean, but he is also funny, fierce and an extremely loyal friend. He actually goes through the trouble and trauma of calling his ex to find out where the illegal street race is supposed to be taking place because Rain wanted to break in so he could fuck some shit up for Phayu. Sky, underneath it all, just wants someone who will love and cherish him. He has so much fear and anxiety and even depression linked to his romantic past. The way he acts is helpful in deterring most people, but Pai is not most people. XD

They start as a one night stand, that only happens because Prapai makes a bad (semi) joke/proposition after Sky chases Rain into the illegal race track. Sky needs to be able to leave without security taking him away and, it is implied, doing him physical harm/possibly killing him. Pai says he can get Sky out of the race but Sky has to do something for him. Implying but never outrightly stating that what he wants is sex, to which Sky agrees because he doesn’t want security to get him. This in itself does boarder on sexual cocertion, which is a big ass yikes, though it is clear through context clues that while Sky might not be happy to be put in this position, he definitely enjoys the sex, though he does not have a high opinion of Pai afterward. Which honestly, would anyone? I know I wouldn’t haha. Of course we realize later than even if Sky had said no to Pai, Pai would have gotten him out anyway because Pai is a lot of things but he is not that kind of asshole.

Ngl, Prapai is pretty creepy towards the beginning of his persuit of Sky. Like the first episode or so of their story (ep8 for the series as a whole), I want to smack Pai across the head and tell Sky to run very far away. But that does not last long and as soon as Sky realizes that Pai is just your home grown, organic, garden variety fuckboy rather than the actual scum of the earth that his ex is, he is more open to at least spending time with him, since Pai is so persistent in his persuit.

You see Sky is a domestic violence and sexual assault survivor, a fact he has told literally no one since it happened. Not Rain, not any of his friends, not even his dad. It’s often why he acts the way he does. He is very afraid to let anyone, including his friends, get to close to him emotionally. Prapai blatantly doesn’t listen to any of this, and keeps pursuing Sky because he genuinely wants to know Sky and wants to be with him. He is so tight lipped about it that he hasn’t even told Rain his ex is a guy. He doesn’t tell Pai about his past until the last episode, after Sky’s ex attempts to sexual assault him.

It’s around the time that Sky gets sick that you really start to see the kind of couple they will become. Sky gets sick due to his trauma. Sky begins to have nightmares around this time, which starts to cause panic attacks as well as insomnia. It is in part because of Pai insisting he be allowed to woo Sky. Pai still does not know about Sky’s trauma and thus thinks that Sky is just a tough nut to crack but if he keeps going he can do it. His smile is just so adorable that you mostly forgive him for his crimes, though I did side eye him a lot during these first few episodes.

One of the things I love about this part though is that, if you pay attention to what Sky is thinking about the whole situation, it ultimately isn’t even really about Pai, more the idea of history repeating itself. Sky’s self esteem and self worth, understandably, takes a pretty big nose dive in the wake of what happened to him and the things that Sky says to himself point to him not believing that someone like Pai could actually have feels for him, that there is no way Pai is serious about all of this. He just wants to have fun and get some sex out of the deal. Which is a big problem for Sky, because he, a) already knows exactly how good at sex Pai is and (I think anyway) would definitely be down for a repeat performance and b) is actually starting to really like Pai. He likes that Pai had an easy going guy who, on the surface at least (not just on the surface Sky), just wants to get to know Sky and have fun with him. He likes that Pai doesn’t react when Sky is mean to him, just teases Sky about it. He likes that Pai tries to bring him meals because he knows Sky is a college student in a really competitive faculty. He is terrified that he will get in too deep and fall in love again only to have the rug ripped out from under him and be left more broken and more damaged and more unloveable than he already believes he is.

Sky ends up fainting in class, which freaks the hell out of his friends, which are another friend group that I love, though they do not have enough development in my opinion. The problem is, because they are all in the same faculty, they have a lot of responsibilities in terms of school work and getting everything they need done. Sky can be excused because of his illness but the rest of them can’t. Rain ends up calling Pai to come and take care of Sky because someone needs to stay with him and Sky’s father doesn’t live close enough to Bangkok to come and Rain has too much school work that he won’t be able to finish if he tries leaving to get it and coming back. To Rain, Pai seems like the more logical option, since Prapai isn’t in school and thus doesn’t have those responsibilities. As well, Sky knows Pai and Rain thinks (only somewhat incorrectly) that they are close enough that Pai is an ideal choice to be Sky’s caretaker.

Pai gladly agrees and proceeds to take the best care of Sky he knows how to provide. Dude literally googles how to take care of sick people at home and even calls his mother because he doesn’t want to fuck anything up. The sick montage is so fucking adorable. As Sky starts to get better and better, the two spend more and more time together. Like Pai actually calls the president/CEO of his company (aka his dad because of course haha) about needing time off and ends up doing a whole bunch of work at Sky’s dorm so he doesn’t fall behind but also doesn’t want to leave Sky. The man dotes on Sky like Sky is the more perfect being in the universe (as he should!). Sky, for his part, starts to realize that Pai isn’t like his ex. That Pai is much better than his ex. He’s still not sure how much he’s willing to believe but oh boy is Sky falling even harder than he was before. It is definitely a “Prapai fell first but Sky fell harder” situation going on. It’s the best! At one point, Sky wakes up in the middle of the night to see that Pai has fallen asleep next to him on the bed, laptop open, papers everywhere, because Sky was holding his hand (because nightmares) and he didn’t want to go anywhere. Sky goes to touch Pai and ends up accidentally waking him up. Pai realizes the way he fell asleep and goes to clean up his work papers, only for Sky (who was pretending to still be asleep) to grab his arm and pretend to be having another nightmare so Pai wouldn’t leave. Don’t try and tell me my boy isn’t already completely gone over Pai, because you would be wrong! Boy wants to be close to Pai, but at this point, doesn’t have the words or courage to ask for the kind of physical and emotional closeness that he craves. With Pai caring for him though, he is slowly starting to find the words/build up the courage.

The funny thing is that Pai basically ends up a squatter in Sky’s dorm. He ends up there all of the time. To hang out with Sky, to eat with Sky, even just to sleep (which Sky makes him do on the floor haha). At one point, he manages to get Sky to agree to go out on a date with him and they still end up back at Sky’s dorm after. This also leads to one of the best of their romantic scenes. Prapai tries to draw wind on a piece of paper, and later Sky’s hand, but can’t because he was a business major, not an art student. He doesn’t know anything about art (Prapai’s brother, even makes a comment to him about how Pai would skip art class when he was in high school). Sky ends up also drawing an image of wind on Pai’s hand and Pai literally traces an image of it and gets his brother to make him a lapel pin of it. Boy is so fucking corny that when Sky sees it for the first time, Pai tells him it’s so everyone will know who Pai belongs too. Corny, but effective I suppose because while playfully embarrassed, it is VERY clear how much Sky loves the idea. Boy even shows up at Sky’s school during the end ceremony for the freshmen week, just because he heard from Phayu that it was going to go on all night and he was worried about Sky getting sick again because he is still recovering (which to be fair, literally all of Sky’s friends are worried about the same thing).

Even the rare time he ends up actually going home, Pai still ends up at Sky’s dorm. Granted it was because he thought something bad was happening to Sky…well he wasn’t wrong, just not the kind of bad that Pai was expecting. Sky got an extra assignment that day that was due the next day and that he will definitely not finish in time if he doesn’t have help…so he calls Pai, who races over because he thinks Sky’s hurt or dying and yeah no, he’s neither of those things. It’s also the first time we see him get angry with Sky and even then, boy manages to keep an absolute lid on the whole thing. It’s easy to tell he’s angry, but he keeps calm and explains to Sky that Sky needs to explain better when he panicking and he calls Pai. You know, cause Pai is very glad that Sky would think to call him and will definitely come no matter what, but god damnit don’t scare him like that next time Sky! Haha. Healthy communication! That’s the way to do it. And of course because your boy is a simp, he still helps Sky’s complete his assignment and even drives him to school the next day.

According to Pai, the whole thing is worth it because Sky kisses him. It’s a really cute scene where Sky asks what he can do to make up for making Pai panic and Pai jokes that as punishment, Sky should kiss him. He very clearly does not expect Sky to do anything of the sort, which leads to an adorably shocked expression when Sky actually does kiss him, pictured below. Boy even manages to score some more points when Sky tells that a single kiss, especially from Sky, sounds like a shitty rewards for helping him. Pai tells him that different people put different value on stuff and Sky is priceless to him. 👍👍 You go Pai, you win over your boy with corny lines and earnestness.

All of this happens around episode 10, which along with episode 11 are two of my favourite episodes of the series. These two episodes are, for the most part, the two of them existing in their little love bubble, getting to know each other and learning how they fit together. We get to see them develop their communication skills with each other a lot more, though it definitely isn’t perfect. In episode 11, Sky makes his last ditch effort to drive Pai away…by making him clean the bathroom in Sky’s dorm XD. Despite not really knowing how to clean a bathroom, Pai does it anyway, and then, on Sky’s orders, tidies up Sky’s entire dorm room. Pai wants to prove that he committed to Sky. But honestly who wouldn’t be, Sky is fucking amazing. Pai is committed to showing Sky that he’s in for the long haul, that he isn’t going anywhere any time soon, no matter how much Sky tries to push him away. He wants to be around Sky for as long as Sky is willing to let him be. It’s to the point where he almost refuses Sky when Sky finally says he’s giving in and is willing to have sex with Pai.

Sky literally gets on top of him and takes off his shirt and ya boy Pai is still trying to explain that he doesn’t want just sex from Sky. He wants Sky’s everything. He gives in though and the two of them have sex (read make love) because of course they do. Pai might be a lot of things, but he is not going to turn down sex with Sky, ever, for any reason. If his Sky wants sexy times, sexy times they shall have. This is also the nc scene where my icon comes from. It’s my favourite shot in this entire show. Fort and Peat act their asses off and you can really feel about much they love each other even if Sky is not ready to admit that he loves Pai just yet…and all they do is stare into each other’s eyes. I’m an deceased, bury me now, I am so gone for them it’s insane. I have no rational mind left. Leave me in this second, to stare at them as they looking into each other’s eyes. So much love unspoken but both know it’s there, even if they aren’t ready to fully talk about it. (I am in a glass case of emotion!!)

Episode 12 is…a wild ride. There are happy times, blow jobs if you watch the extended box set version of the episode but there is also the final test of their relationship which is literally Pai’s fuckboy past coming back to haunt him and Sky trying desperately to detect himself from Pai as a result. It all in the end leads to the endgame of the episode, which is Sky (after breaking up with Pai earlier in the episode) going back to his dorm for the first time in days, to find Pai has somehow got in (my money is on Joy, the dorm manager and grade a gossip who has been enabling Pai since day one, though Pai says he ‘found a key’ 😒), waiting for him. Turns out, yeah he found Sky’s journal and ends up reading out loud.

It’s a scene that I love because it completely lays bare what Sky has been thinking the entire time. How much he loves Pai, even though he doesn’t have the courage to say it out loud. I also hate it because it is completely heart breaking as Sky spends so much of it desperate for Pai to stop reading it out loud because he doesn’t want to be reminded of what he was thinking when he dared to be happy with Pai. Poor boy believes himself to be so unloveable that he genuinely questions if there is even a way for him to get Pai to only pay attention to him, to not get bored of him, to only love him. Like he could almost believe Pai was before he saw Pai seemingly cuddling close to someone on a couch at a party they had gone too. It was definitely a bone head move on Pai’s part, to allow his old hook up to get that close to him, but he also spends the entire scene attempting to gently disengage the other boy from himself so he can get back to Sky. Pai might have a master’s degree but he is also dumb as hell sometimes and is often nice to a fault and doesn’t want to be rude to the other boy. But remember, Sky is very traumatized little bumblebee who jumps to conclusions because his trauma takes over…trauma Pai still doesn’t even know he has!!! (Seriously, at this point the only thing Pai knows is that Sky dated someone in high school, that that boy is responsible for the nipple piercing that Sky no longer has in and that the relationship between Sky and his ex ended badly…that’s it!) (Side note, Pai is just obsessed with Sky’s nipples. This never goes away, not that Sky seems to have much of a problem with it beyond token protests lol).

This is also their “I love you” scene. After he finished reading the journal, Pai tells Sky that he loves him, after faking him out by saying he doesn’t like him anymore. (Seriously what is it with Pai and Phayu. Both used this tactic when telling Sky and Rain that they liked him. Rain almost cries, Sky actually cries.) Despite it all, I can’t get too mad at Pai for this. Again, Pai is many things, but his patients is not infinite and a little petty revenge when he’s still angry enough to say it, well I get that. After he confesses, he asks Sky how Sky feels about him, to which Sky, still kind of sobbing, though in relief at this point I think, admits he is also in love with Pai. Such a happy scene but even then, it still does break my heart a little as Sky also begs Pai not to leave him. Pai answers that he never will, and we as the audience definitely knows that’s true but it is still sad to hear Sky say it. Pai is a simp, there is no other word for him. Boy exists only to love Sky at this point…well he also works for his dad’s company and loves motorcycle racing but really that’s all secondary to just how much he wants to shower love and affection on Sky.

The two talk it out. Love to see them engaging in that healthy honest communication (takes notes Kim!). Sky might not be over his trauma, but even if Pai doesn’t know about it to reassure him and help him tackle it head on, Sky knows that he’ll be able to get through it as long as he has Pai and as long as he knows Pai is committed to him and loves him. Pai is never not going to be committed to you Sky, you have nothing to worry about.

We even get a shining example in episode 13 when after having another nightmare, Sky calls Pai and asks if he can come over. Pai literally drops everything (he was racing that night and if I recall correctly, doesn’t do a race because of Sky’s call. Not a big deal, but it definitely shocks Phayu) and races over (hehe). This show actually has one of the only real aftercare scenes I can remember seeing in a bl, as Pai help Sky to clean up after they have sex. Score another point for Pai over the asshole ex, as the ex never did this for Sky ever and always made him do it himself.

Look at the smile on those boys faces! They are so blissfully in love, it’s rotting my teeth as we speak! Of course this means that something else has to come in a fuck shit up and boy does the asshole ex ever fuck shit up. The first time Sky wants to go an watch Pai race, he runs into the asshole ex (who’s name is technically Gun, but I’m sticking with asshole ex). We get lots of flashbacks about their relationship and we get the full picture and turns out that not only is the ex an asshole, he also could be considered a groomer…As he was a fully grown ass man when they met, while Sky was 15-16. I think the asshole ex is about the same age as Pai and Phayu. The ages in this whole show are funny but if we assume that Pai is about 24-25 in present, than the asshole ex can’t be older than that, but is likely around the same age…which means he was at least 21-22 to Sky’s 15-16 when they ‘dated’. (The ages in this show really are fucky. We know Rain is 19 at the beginning of the series, but we never find out if Sky is older or younger than Rain. I’m inclined to say older but who the hell knows but they were likely born the same year. That puts Sky at 19, but also time has pasted since the start of the series, and they’re in their second year of uni now but no birthdays have been mentioned so ahhhhh! This is also one of those times we can’t use the actors ages as Fort, despite playing the older Pai was 21 when they filmed this series while Peat, playing Sky, was 25).

Long story short, the asshole ex all but kidnaps Sky. He comes up with an extremely convoluted plan to get Sky away from Pai, by tricking Rain into believe Pai is asking him via security guard, to take Sky back to his condo as Sky was saying he wasn’t feeling well (which after seeing the asshole ex, I would have said the same thing). Rain goes back to the race and Pai, being the absolutely amazing attentive boyfriend he is, realizes that someone lied to Rain in an effort to get Sky alone and together with Phayu and Rain, races to condo to save Sky.

There is a heavy trigger warning for abuse/IPV and sexual assault in this episode. While what happens in episode 8 is mild and could be considered either way depending on how you interpret Pai’s intentions and Sky’s reaction/actions, there is no such confusion with this episode. The ex gets Sky alone with the express purpose of fucking with him and assaulting him because he really is just that horrible of a person. Despite saying he “threw Sky away because he was bored of him” he still wants to continue to ruin Sky’s life because Sky finally felt safe enough to begin the long process of moving on. There isn’t any actual assault, the weather boys manage to get there before anything happens and stop him. With Pai almost beating the asshole ex to death. The only reason he doesn’t it because Phayu begs him not too. (You should have just done it Pai, the fucker deserves it.) There is however a flashback where we see the beginning of when the asshole ex’s friends (yes plural) assault Sky while asshole ex watched. It is difficult to watch, so proceed with caution.

Sky has gone kind of catatonic and Pai is the one who manages to get him to respond. He also takes Sky home, like to his family home, not to Sky’s dorm, where Sky is finally able to be honest with Pai about what happened to him. It’s a heart break but also heart warming scene. Listening to Sky explain in his own words what happened is heart breaking (like I cried the first time I watched this scene), but Pai’s response is heartwarming. Sky spends a lot of time insult himself and I absolutely love that Pai never tries to tell him he’s wrong. Like Pai knows Sky is wrong about the way he sees himself. He knows Sky isn’t broken or trash or any other awful thing he might call himself, but Pai also knows that just saying “no Sky you’re wrong, you are not those things” isn’t going to help in that moment. Sky will not respond well to being told that. So instead he is quiet and he listens. Really listens and affirms that he is there for Sky, that he isn’t going anywhere, that Pai loves him and Sky can love Pai. That Pai is the only one who gets to have Sky while they are together. (Another trauma by the asshole ex is that the ex tells Sky, right before he’s about to be sexually assaulted, is that he is bored of Sky and so he is letting his friends have his now broken toy…I really hate this man so much. Side note though, the actor who plays the asshole ex does such a good job. I really want to see him in more things, though hopefully not in a villainous role this time haha).

It’s a really amazing scene and once again Fort and Peat (especially Peat) brings their absolute a game. You really feel for Sky. Like I always wanted Sky to have nice things the whole time, for him to be able to move on, but after that scene. It increases tenfold, especially when you realize that while Sky’s life is not magically going to get better, he is not going to just wake up tomorrow and not be traumatized, he is going to be able to move forward. He finally has the support, space and feeling of safety he needs to truly be able to move on, not just for Pai or his father or his friends, but for himself. He wants to get better for himself and Pai is committed to making sure he is there every step of the way. Pai is committed to making sure that Sky knows that “the wind will always protect the sky” (not sure if that’s the direct quote from the show, but I’m pretty sure it’s pretty close).

(Actually footage of me approximately 30 seconds into episode 8.)

I really honestly love both couples in this series, but something about PrapaiSky has me in a chokehold. The growth the two of them have, not just personal growth but the growth of their relationship. They go from being this couple where one doesn’t know if he actually even wants to have sex with the other/wants to have him around/feeling like he needs to push him away to protect himself and the other is pushy and only barely respects the others boundary to a couple that understands each other and are there for each other. They figure out how to communicate with each other in a healthy way. They learn about each other, to respect each other. They confide in each other. While PhayuRain seems to be aware of some details of Sky’s past in the special episode, I definitely get the feeling that Sky never really tells them the whole truth about what happened to him. They know the broad strokes but nothing in detail while means that for better or worse, the only person Sky ever tells everything too is Pai. I know that Sky will have the courage one day to tell his father, and probably Rain as well, but that day hasn’t happened yet.

Prapai actually does a pre-proposal to Sky in the special episode. Telling him that he wants to marry Sky one day, really marry him. Pai really hopes that same sex marriage will be legalized in Thailand soon because he wants to be married to Sky in the eyes of the law too. Partly to get married but also partly to make sure he can continue to take care of Sky in the future, the way any legally married couple can. Pai also tells Sky that he is completely willing to wait until Sky is ready. Whether it’s after Sky graduates from school, or after he gets his first job or builds his first house, he doesn’t know, but when Sky is ready, he’s going to proposal for real. The thing that endears me to it even more, is that Sky even asks what will happen if he’s never ready. Pai just tells him that that’s okay because he’s going to take care of Sky forever.

Pai makes it clear from day one that he wants to be with Sky. By his own admission, it was mostly about sex at first. Sky was that one night stand that he couldn’t forget, but Pai realizes very quickly that he doesn’t just want sex from Sky. He wants anything and everything that Sky is willing to give him. It might take Sky a little while longer to really admit that he feels the same, but he does get there.

Pai is, in my opinion, in a lot of ways, the perfect match for Sky. He is pushy, but Sky needs someone who is pushy sometimes, to force him to confront things he knows he needs too, but would rather ignore. He needs someone who reminds him to take care of himself, to make sure he eats when he’s working and sleeps when he’s tired, even if he is in a time crunch for an assignment. Sky needs someone who will occasionally worship the ground he walks on, to remind him that the things he tells himself in the darkest parts of his mind aren’t true. That he has people who love him. That Pai loves him unconditionally and will not hesitate to show him.

Sky conversely is also perfect for Pai. Pai needs someone who is willing to call him out, who is doesn’t put up with his bullshit but can also be equally as playful and daring as he is. (I’m looking at you board room sex from the special episode and the implication that Sky planned and prepped for the whole thing.) Pai needs someone who forces him to mature a lot, to develop the kind of good communication skills you need if you want a working relationship. Pai needs someone to worship. He needs someone who will take charge occasionally, someone who knows who Pai is and knows how to interact with him better than he knows himself.

I am so not normal about PrapaiSky haha. They are just so good and while they may not be everyone’s cup of tea (and that’s okay) they definitely are mine. Both Fort and Peat do such a good job with these characters and are able to make me believe in these two in a way I don’t think other actors could. I’m going to be rewatching Love In The Air for a long time, and obsessing over PrapaiSky for equally as well haha, and I’m definitely okay with that

[aerequets]

omg

has anyone else realized the parallels between Kaz + inej and loid + yor yet????? i just thought about it and omg

big brain, scheming guy that not-so-secretly simps for his stealthy assassin/thief knife wife. I'd even thought that Kaz looks like a dark mode version of loid before. omg

and actually the thing that made me think of this was the whole --

"would you have come for me then?" Dirtyhands would not. "I would have come for you."

-- part in crooked kingdom.

JUST IMAGINE post-reveal twiyor, where loid ends up somehow helping yor despite everything in him telling him not to, and she asks him something like

"I was always an assassin from the moment we met. would you have come to me then, loid? when I wasn't just yor briar but the thorn princess, too?"

and he knows twilight would not. twilight would do her the courtesy of putting her out of her misery, cut his losses and move on.

and he's a seasoned liar, he speaks in the most calculated way, but this time he can't stop himself when he says "I would come for you. I would come for you, and if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you, and no matter how broken we were, we'd fight our way out together-knives drawn, pistols blazing. because that's what we do. we never stop fighting."

because that IS THEM. THEY'RE ALWAYS FIGHTING AND THEYRE FIGHTING ON OPPSOITE SIDES AND THEYRE FIGHTING EACH OTHER BUT STILL. STILL THEY WOULD ALWAYS COME FOR EACH OTHER. THEYRE ENEMIES BUT THEYRE MARRIED AND THEYRE IN LOVE

LIKE??? BFISNAKA the quote even has KNIVES AND PISTOLS in it HELLO . HELLO I AM ACTUALLY GOING INSANE RNNNN GOOD NIGHT

[sysig]

Lose myself to you (Patreon)

[sukugo]

it's been kinda funny for me going from 2 very fucked up ships to sukugo.

[tariah23]

If look back is getting a movie fr, I swear I’m gonna start bawling rn

[itspileofgoodthings]

A Jonathan Byers Meta

I’ve been thinking so much about Jonathan Byers and I have some thoughts (again). (Feel free to reblog if you want but please be nice if you do so!) Jonathan is a person whose core trait, one of them at least, is that he responds so strongly to context and specifically to the kind of context he understands and wants, a trait of many oldest siblings I think. And in that context he can be so many things he is not necessarily in every area of his life. So much of that forward moving momentum he has in the first couple episodes of the show where he’s doing so much so powerfully is caused by it being a context he understands and has chosen to embrace and live out to the fullest- the context of him being the most responsible/capable member of the family. He loves Joyce and Will; he hates Lonny and is going to keep him away from his family at all costs; he considers himself the one in charge. And there is a softness and strength to that that feels absolutely luminous, that feels like nothing can shake it. And so as the show goes on and the lens widens to include more characters and perspectives it feels like Jonathan loses power/feels a little lost/drifts out of the center of the story. And for a long time I considered that a failure of the writers. They paid attention to him at the beginning, I thought, but then dropped him and that wasn’t his fault. But I rewatched Stranger things (seasons 1 and 2) this past spring and actually the thing I saw that surprised me is it makes sense on a character level that he loses that central ground and power so to speak because he is put into a context he no longer really understands or just as importantly doesn’t really want to be in. And yeah I’m talking about his dynamic with Nancy. His dynamic with Nancy in those first few seasons confused me the most and for the longest time because it began so powerfully and then felt like it veered off course. I loved it so much, shipped it so completely, and then lost interest as the show goes. And again I blamed that on the writers (in a way I still kind of do because they’re clumsy but more on that in a minute.) But I think there’s more going on on a character level.

The first beats of Nancy and Jonathan’s story feel so powerful because it’s actually part of that same context of compelling power in which we first meet Jonathan (and if you’re me fall in love with him fast). Will is missing and Nancy steps in to not exactly his place in Jonathan’s family but the position he occupied--and that’s because a) she is trying to solve a problem that is connected with Will’s disappearance, b) she needs help while doing so. Jonathan responds to that context effortlessly and powerfully. He joins forces with her and without any question or hesitation takes care of her physically when she’s in danger. It’s surprising and it’s moving and it feels at first like just an extension of that quiet competence and force of personality we witnessed in the first couple episodes but this time in a romantic context. But actually, it still isn’t romantic with him. It isn’t for him for a long time. Basically until the writers force his hand. And that’s because ---and this SHOCKED me when I rewatched the first two seasons a month ago, almost to the point of anger and quitting the show forever--the show never actually succeeds in establishing that he likes Nancy as a person! It’s clear that the writers intend the audience to pick up on that subtext (or I think it’s clear that that’s what they want) but they bungle it badly if so. The actual basic cues that would tell us Jonathan has a crush on Nancy and have us buy it as a believable emotional experience are missing. There isn’t a scene or even a moment where in any way Jonathan expresses any kind of romantic interest in Nancy at the beginning of the show. It’s not part of the establishing his character. His reasons for taking pictures at the party are muddled from the perspective the show is trying to force and it doesn’t work because all Jonathan has done is be vaguely polite to Nancy at school, caught her eye (quite frankly ACCIDENTALLY that one time), and disappeared down the hallway at the speed of light every time she turns around. She was far more intrigued than he was. The show gives us that moment with tears in his eyes where we’re supposed to believe (I think?????) that he’s so upset she’s with Steve but it’s incongruous and feels so weird and jarring you kind of have to throw it out. Because the show hasn’t done any work of telling us why that would be the case at all. No pining gaze! No mention! No conversation! The conversation they have in the hallway doesn’t communicate longing on his part, only a desire to be away from the cool kids. There isn’t even a time where someone else teases him about his crush on Nancy, the easiest way to introduce the fact of one character liking another. It’s not much of a stretch to believe that he hasn’t really thought about Nancy romantically at all. In fact it’s honestly a stretch to think he does. And there other reasons for his being there that make more sense--though I do think it’s bungled from a writing perspective. He misses Will, he’s out looking for Will, photography is his passion (lol), he doesn’t like the cool kids, he stumbles on their party “eh might as well take a picture and be the cool outside observer that he is.”

And because the writers didn’t give us a clear and unambiguous liking of Nancy from Jonathan as a starting point everything that comes after between them, even romantically or romantically-adjacent in that first season, hits differently once you watch it patiently and closely. It becomes clear that all of Jonathan’s care-taking of her is response not to her as a person he is romantically interested in, but response to context, to being the responsible one, the helper. He gets out her sleeping bag and puts it on the floor because he’s really not thinking with any part of his brain about how he’s in the room of the girl he likes. Because he’s not! He’s there as a larger part of the context the show established for him in the first couple episodes--his family, his role as caretaker. And of course that doesn’t mean that Jonathan couldn’t fall in love with her later just because the story never actually established that he liked her romantically when it thinks it does. Of course that could come later, come OUT of their interactions. but .... it doesn’t. It never really comes through. The most powerful part of their story together is the first part because it’s the only time in their relationship where Jonathan is moving with that characteristic firm decision making and competence. He’s very powerful when he’s saving her life. But everything else feels flat. And part of that is because he’s not a person who changes easily or very much at all. There are things about him that feel powerful and real and RIGHT and then there are things that just feel like him doing what the writers want him to do and those aren’t the same. Everything having to do with Nancy romantically feels like the second thing, like something the writers are making them do. The show even has to use Murray to get their romance actually jump-started because these aren’t really characters electrically drawn together. And so some of the stuff he says, the romantic stuff--it’s easy to handwave. And/or to find other reasons. And no this doesn’t have anything to do with shipping bias, though my shipping has been influenced by paying close attention to his behavior and actions. Because despite the power of Charlie Heaton in a gray sweater backlit by the red light of the darkroom with his hair falling over his face, nothing about it hits the way a Jonathan emotion should hit. And it should hit! The right stuff does! He’s brilliantly and truthfully acted and he’s layered and the right Jonathan moments SING. He’s not really a talker, not fundamentally, he doesn’t show his heart that way but in actions and only some of his actions with Nancy, the ones that really are just part of the context he’s comfortable with, really ring true. The point that I’m trying to get at is that when you look at those first few episodes really closely, emotionally there are only really three things that are actually--in character and in truth-- established about Jonathan’s heart. 

They are. One- he loves Will. Will is his person, his world, the center. The one he’s always going to protect first, think about first. Will tells us he doesn’t have friends and Jonathan protests it but that probably came from somewhere. His favorite person in the WORLD is Will. The context of Will’s disappearance highlights that so clearly of course but I think we’d see it even without that. The second thing is that he loves Joyce but he doesn’t particularly trust her judgment, considering himself more of an authority on what this family needs than she does. This establishes a distinguishing quality in him, a pickiness and choosiness and prickliness that is essential. He won’t love blindly and he certainly won’t let just anyone in. (When he says he doesn’t like people we should maybe perhaps believe him and not pass him off as a secret softie.) Joyce is part of his inner circle (I love their relationship a lot actually) but he is not uncritical even of her. This is someone who likes to keep people out because this is someone who doesn’t have endless patience for people and the way they do things. He wants things HIS WAY. His way is domestic and so is the context- he’s frying an egg and it feels so homey and good you want to say he’s a softie and a cinnamon roll- but it comes out of a character who knows what he wants. And the third thing, hilariously enough, is that he hates Steve! Somehow the Duffer brothers DO establish this in a far more convincing way than they establish him liking Nancy. He tells Nancy “he doesn’t like most people” and this is true but Steve is a little bit of an exception in a worse way, as the leader of the popular kids. He’s the figurehead for all that Jonathan dislikes and despises and wants to keep out of his inner circle. The fight that Jonathan and Nancy have in the woods feels far more about his disdain for the cool kids than it does about him really liking her and wanting to rescue her from that. The nerd lecturing the girl who wants to be cool and telling her she’s better than that is a stupid trope and one far less romantic than it thinks it is but because the show has established, intentionally or not, that Jonathan doesn’t really care about Nancy romantically all that comes through in a truthful way is that he doesn’t like popular kids. That emotion, that dislike and almost disdain that lives at Jonathan’s core, is expressed far more authentically than any warmth towards Nancy and it’s so telling that it’s that dislike that collides with the other strongest feeling of his life, loving Will, and leads him to half-killing Steve in the street. The warmest Jonathan ever acts towards Nancy is the warmth of context and the warmth of Will (in his absence) and when those reasons fall away you’re left with something curiously cold. And Jonathan, when he loves, is not a cold person. He’s not a chill person. And so watching him do things like give Will Nancy’s gift to him (a hilarious moment), make Nancy leave out the window (actually very dark and strange considering that Joyce knows they’re sleeping together), literally forget Nancy exists when Will comes back and it’s him and Joyce and Will again, ---you can try to tell yourself that that’s just how he loves. But it isn’t. Because we know his warmth in his hatred and in his loves. And for Nancy it really is just kind of “ehhh.” It’s indifference. 

tl,dr; the show thinks that it’s telling a convincing love triangle for sure. But because they don’t establish liking Nancy as a person as part of his character early enough and because he isn’t a character whose fundamental traits change or change easily they don’t actually build a convincing enough romance. It’s because Jonathan is a person who responds to context, even the wrong one, and because Nancy has her own journey and insecurities to work through (a different meta) they stay together for a long time. But it isn’t satisfying and it doesn’t work because it doesn’t actually strike deep enough in Jonathan’s heart. It’s not a context he really wants at his core. If he falls in love it’ll have to be with someone he wants to allow right into the very center of his life and heart and right now he’s not interested in anyone being in that place except his family. And so because he’s kind of stuck in this situation (of his own choosing, I’m not absolving him of that) because Jonathan likes routine and to keep doing the same things and is not self-motivated in the most powerful way to be able to get out of this romance—-he drifts to the edges and stops really doing anything interesting at all. He starts doing pot, won’t go visit Nancy on her spring break etc. He’s not really the boyfriend he could be in any way because I think fundamentally he doesn’t want to be. And the show may put other words in his mouth about this, I kNOW that the show doesn’t completely agree with everything I’ve written here. But it seems to me the only true way to read him in light of what he actually does and how different it is when he’s acting with his whole heart and when he’s not. 

[worldchampionpeccobagnaia]

marco bezzecchi celebrates after his first motogp podium

[non-un-topo]

Not my sister getting into the divine feminine and divine masculine but in a way like "I know better"

[dmclemblems]

also something I really love about Dimitri telling Rodrigue that his death would destroy him is that’s finally proof that it was Rodrigue dying that made Dimitri almost go out into a suicide battle in AM.

people have been saying (and actually meaning it, not as a joke) that Byleth just “fixed” Dimitri and that they don’t like how Dimtiri was just “magically cured” because of Byleth.

that was never true. both him wanting to die completely and utterly in that moment when he spoke to Byleth was because he lost all sense of hope when he lost Rodrigue; however, it was also because of Rodrigue’s words to him that he could go on living. Byleth was a deterrent from him going out into a suicide battle because he was so overwhelmed, but he also points out, iirc a couple times post Gronder in AM, that Byleth said the same thing Rodrigue did to him.

when Byleth says anything that seems to “change” him, it’s because it’s something he could think back on as “oh, he said the same thing to me so it must have been the truth if someone else can say the same thing and it wasn’t just because he loved myself and Lambert that he said those things”. basically, Byleth could verify the truth of Rodrigue’s words.

Dimitri also says he ISN’T cured and just “okay”. he tells Byleth directly that what is effectively his mental illness is something that he knows he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life, but that he’s no longer going to let it hold him down. he outright admits his understanding of his issue with the voices of the dead. he knows they may always be there and he knows his aggression due to losing so many loved ones in his life will always haunt him.

the sad thing is I feel like people just pick and choose things they want to see for the sake of argument, and I say that because it’s not even nuance in this case that it’s very clear that Dimitri isn’t just “cured” of his illness. it wasn’t ever something that needed to be looked more deeply into. it was said outright multiple times that Dimitri wasn’t just “cured” or “fixed” or any of that, and it’s also very outright that Byleth wasn’t the one who helped him to see things straight again. it was Rodrigue who opened his eyes (no pun intended) and it was Byleth being there to confirm Rodrigue’s words.

mind you, Byleth spoke to Rodrigue in private one night and Rodrigue shared some personal feelings with Byleth, then said he entrusted the future of Faerghus and Dimitri to Byleth. anything from that point on that Byleth did that helped Dimitri see his way again was because Byleth was keeping true to Rodrigue’s words.

prior to that, nothing Byleth ever did could sway Dimitri. the only person, right from the beginning to the end of the battle at Gronder, who could sway Dimitri or make him waver in his feelings was Rodrigue. he would argue with anyone else in a steadfast way, but when Rodrigue finally had enough and told Dimitri he would listen to him, Dimitri did. considering Dimitri has always seen him as a second father, it makes sense that Dimitri would take that as a scolding from his own father. even in the mental state he was in, he didn’t brush it off as “just someone” telling him those things. he took it to heart and he also thanked Rodrigue, calling him a friend despite his behavior up to that point (which was Ailell).

in other words, Byleth never really had much influence at all on Dimitri’s recovery until he lost Rodrigue. it highlights quite well imo that Dimitri truly saw Rodrigue as his own father. if Lambert had been there to speak to him similarly, Dimitri would have reacted similarly. he might have argued, but at the end of the day he was still affected by what he was told.

essentially Byleth was like a proxy for Dimitri after he lost Rodrigue. it was like all of Rodrigue’s wishes were within Byleth now because Rodrigue felt he could trust Byleth, and that got through to Dimitri (and it also helped that Byleth and Rodrigue see things similarly, as highlighted by them saying very similar things to Dimitri but prior to Gronder, Dimitri only listened if Rodrigue was the one to say something). it was not directly Byleth, but because it was like Rodrigue’s feelings for Dimitri were now within Byleth.

I just really feel like people looked right over the head of their relationship in Houses and just how much it meant to Dimitri. their relationship could make or break him and it did both. Hopes helped to emphasize how powerful their bond is and gives you more context into how and why he lost his will to live when Rodrigue died at Gronder. obviously Byleth is important to him, but Rodrigue has been with Dimitri for Dimitri’s entire life and wasn’t someone his age - he was a respected adult and the man who protected Faerghus for five straight years from the Empire when Dimitri had to flee and couldn’t be the one to do that. he respects the other adults in Faerghus, but even in Hopes it’s very clear that he doesn’t view Matthias or Gilbert as a father figure. Gilbert has a bit more on Matthias there, but Rodrigue is extremely special to Dimitri and as much a father to him as Lambert was.

[xwhitenoise]

tfw you have to desperately hope a case gets settled because if a response needs to be drafted you may have to bow out due to a conflict of interest lol. rip