#i haven't been able to write or unpack or set up other things

[pastafossa]

Fiberglass nightmare update.

Vid, and the info for anyone who doesn't feel like watching.

After mopping and sweeping and mopping again, and wiping things down over and over until it got dark today (lightbulb burned out)... At the risk of jinxing myself... I think I can FINALLY say... that the fiberglass... is g o n e.

After 4 (iirc) goddamn weeks.

GONE.

I found no sparkly dust tonight. No strands of glass. My hands do not feel cut up. My eyes don't burn. There's definitely *dust* there - you can see it floating in the vid and I could feel it kinda gritty in my eyes and when I was wiping up (fairly certain it's just drywall dust tho, which is why the daily mop + sweep + wipedowns will continue for a bit) and I want to go over it in the light of day tomorrow to be sure, so I won't let the cats up yet, but...

I think, at last, I can sleep in my own bed again tonight. If I wake up tomorrow not coughing or wheezing or prickly because of fiberglass dust, I will literally cry tears of joy. Let's give it a shot tonight.

[boba-beom]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ late nights, city lights | CHOI YEONJUN

⟢ neighbour!yeonjun x gn!reader

⟢ drabble; comfort, fluff

⟢ after a long day of unpacking, you thank your neighbour for suggesting you take a break while he introduces you to the city you're about to call home.

⟢ wc: 999

⟢ warnings: reader already has a lil crush, a little collision, yeonjun perhaps takes an interest in reader; interpret that as you will :>

⟢ a\n: requested by @blackhairedjjun <3 added details! 'reader just moved to the city on their own & is nervous and excited at the same time about starting their life over there, yeonjun as the cute next-door neighbor at their apartment who the reader hits it off with' I was so excited to write this because I already had some thoughts floating in my head from the prompt :> I had fun writing this one, I hope you like it!

the last cardboard box was finally emptied, only setting aside the contents of it to organise later on, before flattening out the box and shoving it on the pile by the front door. you managed to wake up incredibly early to unpack everything, so all you had left to do was organise things in the next few days before being able to settle in fully.

moving out was hard. but you finally moved out and it was something you had been wanting to do for the longest time now. you had your new job to thank as well as your friends who suggested you take this new chapter in life, hoping to start afresh.

you let out a tired sigh looking at all the flattened boxes you're still yet to dispose of, but just thinking about the trips you'll have to make coming up and down the apartment complex seemed to burden you already. but you're gonna have to get moving since it's already late in the night.

you shove as much flattened boxes into one that's still open, opening your door and picking up the box only to drop it after colliding with what seems to be one of your neighbours. great. you scold yourself before checking on your neighbour to apologise.

"oh gosh I'm so ... sorry." your voice trails quietly when you see a guy of a tall and lean build, long hair and taking off his headphones to hang from his neck before scurrying to help with the cardboard that fell out.

he chuckles, and you nervously laugh with him.

"long day?" he asks and you simply nod, gathering the boxes and holding onto them instead of giving them back to you. he saw the rest of the boxes by your door, and ultimately you pick up on his intentions. "I'll help you with these."

"oh this is embarrassing, the first time I see a neighbour and you're already doing something for me." you worry but you're still thankful all the while.

"don't worry, honestly, it's not a problem. it's about time I met the new neighbour." he says simply, letting out a pretty smile that's just as contagious as his laugh. "I'm yeonjun by the way, my flat's just on your right."

you give him your name and mentally take note of his flat number to make sure you greet him whenever you bump into each other. "again, sorry for stumbling into you, I haven't left the apartment since I got here."

he notices your timid smile and a thought crosses his mind.

"how about you grab a jacket and after we throw these out I'll show you around the city nearby." he suggests, raising his brows in anticipation of your answer.

of course, it doesn't take much convincing since you hadn't had time to explore yet.

"wait, really?" you watch him nod in your direction with full enthusiasm and it just makes it easier for you to feel at ease.

surprisingly, you realised you'd probably knock on his door one way or another to ask where to throw out the boxes, forgetting where to throw them out, but this was a lot easier and less daunting than having to knock on a door late into the night.

yeonjun was truly one of the most down to earth people you've ever met in a long time. his calm nature of making you feel welcome to the city, him walking on the pavement closest to the road while you both walk and converse down the quiet streets of the city.

the lights were bright as ever, thinking that it'd be busy at this time of night until yeonjun told you about which days are usually roaring at night and which ones are a little quieter.

surprisingly, your new neighbour took you to one of the 24/7 convenient stores nearby for some ice-cream. the nights were getting warmer and the jacket was just a precaution. it was becoming hoodie season and it had you observing yeonjun's outfit; an oversized graphic hoodie with wide leg denim shorts that looked like a long skirt. his style was appealing for what counts as 'casual' clothing. you even took a candid picture of him while he was looking up where else he should take you at this time of night.

then within an hour of wandering around, yeonjun took you back to the apartment complex and onto the rooftop where you were able to see the skyscrapers and occasional lights from vehicles beelining their way around the city.

"so, what do you think so far?" yeonjun's voice was a little hoarse, the both of you gazing over the pretty lights below.

your lips turn into a tight-lipped smile, pondering on your first few thoughts about your first night wandering around, even if it was spontaneous and only for an hour.

"I could get used to this." you lean your elbows on the ledge, smiling to yourself.

you were proud of yourself for finally doing what you've been longing to do, even after some people doubted you before. it didn't stop you when you had the right support system to encourage you every step of the way. and now you have yeonjun too.

said male turns his head towards you, a gentle smile crawling on his lips while he scans the relief beaming on your face.

"I can always show you around again." he suggests, "like we can explore during the day. but I don't mind wandering around at night again."

you hum in agreement. there was something so soothing about being in his presence, but also comforting knowing that he was already so open to helping you settle into this new part of your life.

"thank you, yeonjun. I really appreciate this." you turn to look at him too, eyes locking a little longer than you have the past hour. you have a good feeling that this friendship will be a good one.

this is gonna be a good one.

© BOBA-BEOM ; all rights reserved. do not repost, copy, alter or translate in any way or platform.

[al1v3-p03ts-s0ci3ty]

One shot idea: Neil (or Todd) admitting to the other that they like them

(THIS TOOK SO LONG IM SO SORRY-)

Thank you so much for the ask!!! I haven't written much lately so this was a nice start! This ideas been sitting in my notes app for a while so thank you for getting me to finally write it!!

[Authors note! This is set in the 90s. There are mentions of Welton but just imagine that the timeline got shifted up a bit. They're all in their mid 20s. Also the cat name Allen IS based off of that super cool fruity poet Allen Ginsberg.]

Cramped in a small apartment full of boxes that seemed to pile to the ceiling, Neil and Charlie sat on the scratchy carpet of their new home.

They'd spent their whole morning moving box after box from the U-Haul truck, up 3 flights of stairs and finally into their apartment.

"Once we're done moving all this stuff maybe we could have a housewarming?" Neil said, taking big breaths between words. Both Neil and Charlie were completely exhausted from carrying things around all day.

"Maybe we could get the guys to do all the unpacking for us." Charlie joked, although there was a hint of seriousness in his voice.

Neil chuckled at his friends joke and a short silence followed.

"Do you think it was the right thing to do?" Neil's voice was quiet.

"What?"

"To move out, I mean... I know it's for the best and I should just move on..."

There was a pause. "But?" His friend chuckled sort of awkwardly trying to break the tension.

"I'm just gonna miss him." Neil responded, his tone was completely genuine and if you listened carefully you could hear his voice break.

Of course, they were talking about their friend Todd.

Neil and Todd had been inseparable since the day they met in Welton Academy. They spent every waking moment in each others company, they shared a room together, they had classes together, they went to Dead Poets meetings together.

Now, Neil had developed a crush on Todd during this time, and as much as he'd like to say "it's not a big deal" or "it was just a small crush" he'd be lying.

After a long talk with Charlie about his feelings for Todd they both decided that maybe he should move out. He'd spent a long time living with Todd, maybe it was time for a change?

"Well of course you're gonna miss him! You've been in love with him since the day you two met, that's not gonna be easy to get over-" Charlie wasn't even able to finish his thought before Neil cut him off.

"I'm not in love I just-" He couldn't possibly sound more defensive if he tried.

"Look, Neil." There was a short pause before Charlie spoke again, he needed to think of the right words. "You wanna get over him, right?"

"Yeah..."

"Then you're gonna spend some time apart from him..." He turned to face his friend. "If I'm being honest... I always just assumed he felt the same way about you."

"Don't do that, Char."

"Hey, I'm just being honest." Charlie's words came out in an unusually transparent tone.

/////

Finally, they had their place set up. Their apartment had an open floorplan with a small living room and kitchen that was separated by a short bar and stools. There was a hall that connected their bedrooms and bathroom to the living room.

A small couch, coffee table, tv. They tried to make it as homely as possible given that they'd only lived there for a few days. And it worked for the most part.

"When are they supposed to be here?" Charlie asked from behind the kitchen bar, he was watching the packet of popcorn turn in the microwave.

Neil glanced towards the clock they hung above the front door, it was 6pm. "Around now... Maybe they're just running late?"

And then, almost comically, someone knocked the door. Charlie seemed unphased by the sound and made no effort to answer the door. He was such a great host.

Neil pulled the door open. There was already a smile already plastered on his face before he saw his friend's.

They hugged then exchanged greetings and complimented the pair on the new apartment despite the fact that they barely had time to properly decorate, there were still a few boxes here and there.

"Hey." Todd was the last one in the room. Everyone else had gone into the living room and were making themselves at home. But for now it was just Neil and Todd in the doorway.

"Hey..."

There was chatter coming from the living room but the sound seemed fuzzy from where the pair were standing in the hall. Neil definitely wasn't paying attention, especially with Todd right in front of him.

"Oh!" Todd rummaged through his tote bag and pulled out a book, it had post it tabs sticking out the sides as though it had been annotated. "Here." He handed the book to Neil.

"Thanks..." Neil takes the book in his hands and glanced down at it for a moment.

"I forgot to give it back to you after I borrowed it, and then... Well you moved out..."

It was a small copy of The Great Gatsby, ironically though Neil related to the main character as they both had friends in their lives that they had sort of a 'gay yearning' for. Though, neither of them would ever really admit it.

"It was good!" He began. "It was really good." Although Todd was obviously excited to talk about the book, he still spoke in his usual quiet voice. "Daisy was my favourite character by far."

"I knew you'd love her." Neil said, glancing back up at Todd from the book with a smile on his face.

Now that the other boys had settled into the apartment they were, rather loudly, discussing what they should do together.

"Monopoly?" Pitts asked.

Charlie shook his head. "No way, Pittsie."

"Why not?"

"It's too basic. We should play a more exciting game...hmmm."

Neil lightheartedly rolled his eyes before making his own way into the room with Todd. 'Typical Charlie.' He thought. It was obvious Charlie knew what he wanted to play yet he was making everyone wait, he was so dramatic. 'Maybe he should join the theatre.'

Then, suddenly, Charlie's face lit up. "Twister!"

/////

After a too long game of Twister and a few rounds of Uno, Todd was exhausted. Beside him on the couch was Neil, it took everything in him to not lean against his friend and rest his head on his shoulder.

The group was laughing about something, Todd couldn't tell what exactly it was, he was just so tired. The only thing on his mind at this point (beside Neil) was going home and getting some sleep.

God knows what the time was by now. His eyelids were heavy and he had to stop himself from leaning back against the couch and passing out. Neil noticed, obviously.

"You doing okay?" He whispered. His voice was barely audible in comparison to the other boys.

All Todd could do was nod.

"Tired?" There was a sweet smile on Neil's lips.

That smile... Todd could feel his cheeks getting warm. He nodded again. "Just a little..." He replied with a yawn.

Neil's laugh was the sweetest sounding thing you could ever dream of hearing... Or at least that's what Todd thought. "Just a little? You look like you're gonna fall asleep."

Todd lazily shakes his head, earning another laugh from Neil

"You can stay the night if you want... That might be easier than taking the bus."

"Really?" Why did Todd sound so surprised? Of course Neil would let him stay the night, he wouldn't make Todd take the bus alone, especially so late.

"Of course!" Neil smiled wide.

/////

Once the other boys had left and the only remaining people in the apartment were Charlie, Neil and Todd, Neil gave his friend a tour of the new apartment. It didn't take long as the apartment was relatively small and Todd had already been there for a few hours, however, he did like humouring Neil. He was always so theatrical.

"This is where you'll be staying." He said while mimicking some kind of fancy host, it made Todd laugh.

The room was small but cosy nonetheless. Theatre posters in frames lined the walls, he had a vanity that he used as a desk and there was a strip of photo booth pictures of Todd and Neil tucked between the mirror and the frame. Todd tried so hard to seem unphased by it, though his rosy cheeks gave him away.

He had a bookshelf that was more than full already, the middle of the shelves were sagging under the weight of the many, many plays and novels he owned.

Of course there was a box or two in the corner, Neil hadn't had time to move many of his smaller things into the room yet.

"You sure I can stay the night in here?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course you can."

Neil left the room to give Todd some privacy as he got changed. Todd couldn't help but look around at the room. He was so used to all these things being in Neil's room- 'his old room.' Todd corrected himself- in their apartment, but now they were here.

He put on his fluffy pyjama pants and an old loose shirt before he made himself comfortable on Neil's bed.

Soon after, Neil came into the room wearing different clothes, clothes that Todd had seen him wear before. Now he was getting nostalgic, Neil had only moved out a week ago.

"Hey!" Neil said. 'He looks so cute when he smiles.' Todd thought.

"Hey..." Todd replied in a whisper.

"You comfortable?" Neil joked. "You can sleep there, I'll be on the couch."

"What?" Todd sounded offended on the behalf of his friend.

"What?"

"You can't sleep on the couch, Neil- this is your room. Y-you should sleep in here."

Neil shook his head. "You're my guest. You should have the bed."

"But it's your apartment."

Neil was still stood in the doorway and Todd was still sat on the bed. Suddenly the energy in the room shifted, like there was something lingering under the surface of their conversation, something important and unspoken.

"Well you're already on the bed, Todd." Neil chuckled. Quickly though, Todd got up, stumbling a little at the speed at which he stood.

"Neil, I'm not letting you sleep on the couch."

"Well I guess we'll both just have to sleep on the couch then." Neil joked, though Todd didn't laugh, and just like that the air was tense.

"I'm not letting you sleep on the couch."

There was another pause between the two and they were both facing each other directly now.

"Then... I guess we'll just have to share the bed." Neil suggested, mostly joking. Key word being 'mostly'.

"Yeah..." Todd replied, his voice came out soft and quiet. "M-maybe we will..."

It's not like this would be the first time they shared a bed. Some of those nights at Welton got cold and those blankets were barely enough to shield one person from the temperature. Besides, it's not like anything was going to happen...

/////

Todd sat comfortably at the head of Neil's bed, the pillows and cushions had been distributed between the two and they had propped them up behind them like makeshift backrests. Their hushed laughter filled the room.

"You're kidding." Neil said, in a playful tone.

Todd shook his head and even though he was still laughing he spoke with complete certainty. "I'm not."

"Allen really misses me?" Neil sounded somewhat surprised. Even though they had adopted the cat together some time ago it still surprised him that their cat could miss him.

"Of course he does."

"Well I guess if he misses me so much then I'll just have to move back in." Although he was being sarcastic, there was a trace of truth in his voice. Maybe he would have to move back in for their cat... And no other reason.

Todd let out a brief chuckle. The apartment was a lot quieter now and it was nearing the early hours of the morning and they had to keep their voices down. "So you'd move back in for the cat but not for me?" He joked but he still managed to sound somewhat offended.

"Oh come on..." Neil paused and took a moment to look up at Todd from across the other side of his bed. "You know I'd do anything for you, Todd."

Todd averted his gaze, he'd rather look anywhere else than look at Neil right now. He could feel his cheeks heat up, maybe he could just blame it on the temperature of the room, maybe Neil wouldn't even notice. Todd wanted to change the subject, he didn't want to talk about Neil being gone anymore, but he just couldn't get it off his mind.

"It's weird not having you around the apartment anymore..."

"It's only been a week." Todd could practically hear the smile on Neil's face, he was always smiling about something or another when they were together.

"Well... It's been a long week."

Now this was silence. Not exactly awkward or even anxious, but something else. Something remained between the two of them.

"Your room’s nice." Todd finally deflected the conversation onto something else, something easy to talk about.

"I-" Neil began. He could read Todd, and if he was going to change a conversation topic it must've been for a good reason. "You think so?"

"It's... Very you."

Neil chuckled. "I kinda figured that it's always been 'very me'. It is still all my stuff after all."

"Right- no- yeah-... You know what I mean." Todd shook his head, he was laughing with Neil now.

"I get what you're saying. It is a little different." Neil glanced around his room as if it had been the first time he's ever seen it. He began mentally nitpicking at the changes he'd made.

"Oh?"

"Well for one," he started, "that huge cat scratching post isn't in here anymore."

"Yeah..." Todd looked around now too, he was picking up on the subtle things that were different about the room that used to be so familiar to him, silently missing the things that Neil had left in his old room.

"It's different without Allen, that's for sure, it's quiet." He chuckled. "And it's different without you constantly being in here-"

"I wasn't constant..."

Neil playfully rolled his eyes at his friend's disagreement. "It sooo was." Todd only responded by shaking his head with a disbelieving look on his face. "You were in my room all the time."

"Well... It'll be good to have this new space, right? And I'll have the apartment to myself." Todd was more talking to himself than talking to Neil, almost like he was trying to convince himself that Neil moving out was going to be good for them.

"I'll miss you being in here so often... It'll be so quiet."

"You're living with Charlie, it's definitely not gonna be quiet." Both boys laughed to themselves. It's like the world outside this room had stopped and they were the only two people in the world.

"Yeah." He continued to laugh. "I guess you're right."

"It might be a good change of pace?"

"Maybe..." Neil only half agreed. "I'll miss the quiet though... I'll miss you."

Their eyes met and Todds heart skipped a beat. "I'll miss you too..."

The room went quiet again. "We should probably get some sleep." He said awkwardly, breaking the tension. Now it was Neil who was deflecting and trying to change the subject. He got off the bed and started haphazardly moving the pillows and adjusting the sheet beneath them, not necessarily doing anything but just trying to make himself look busy.

"Neil...?"

Neil felt his world stop for Todd in that moment.

"Yeah?"

"Did... Did I d-do something wrong?" Todd asked, his voice was quiet, almost like he didn't want Neil to hear him.

"What?"

"To make you want to move out... Did I do something wrong?"

Neil shook his head profusely. "No way. Todd you're the best roommate anyone could ask for."

There was a pause, Todd wasn't sure if he should leave the conversation there or not, but he was curious.

Finally, he asked. "Then what was it?" It was inevitable that Todd would ask Neil this question sooner or later.

Neil sighed, he had to make up something. "I thought it would be better to get out of the apartment, ya know?"

But Todd just looked up at him from the bed, unmoving. It was obvious that Todd didn't believe him.

"I thought it might help me..." Neil took a deep breath as if he was bracing himself. "I didn't want anything to come between us." He said about as much as he could without giving himself away.

Todd shook his head. "What do you mean?"

"It's just..." He sighed. How could he possibly explain this? "It's not a big deal."

"Then why can't you tell me?"

The air was thick and the pauses they took between talking felt like eternities.

"I didn't want anything to change between us, that's all." Now it was Neil who had turned his gaze away from Todd.

"Why would anything change?"

"I kind of..." He took another deep breath, his lungs filled with the cold night air that poured through his half open window. "Had a small... Crush on you while we were living together." He barely even glanced at Todd after he said this, he wished he could read Todd and tell just how he felt.

He had about a million questions for Neil but all he could manage to choke out was-

"W-what?"

"It was just a small crush really, it was barely anything." He stuttered and stumbled over each word, with every sentence he let out he felt like he was letting out more and more that he couldn't take back.

"You... You m-moved out because you had a crush on me?"

"Yeah...." He nodded briefly before turning to Todd.

"But... you only moved out a week ago..."

The brunette nodded. He felt like there was a lump in his throat and a pit in his stomach.

"D-do you still... Feel like... That?"

Neil let out an awkward chuckle. "I guess so, yeah."

"You moved out to get over me?" Todd was still somewhat smiling, like he didn't believe it was true.

"Yeah." He nodded. Neil was a lot calmer now that it was out in the open. He thought this would've gone a lot worse than it did.

Todd let out a sigh of relief, which Neil immediately noticed.

He scanned Todd for any sign of discomfort or anger, though he didn't pick up on any. The only other time he'd felt this anxious was when his father showed up unexpectedly in the audience of a play he was in. But he'd rather not think about that.

"What?" Now that he was at ease he could finally do something besides just stand there and look anxious.

Todd dismissed the question by shaking his head, although he was still smiling. "It's just..." He lowered his voice. "I-I've gotten that advice before."

Neil just gave him a confused look.

"Meeks... He thought I should've m-moved out when I... Told him I liked you."

Neil went speechless, his mind was racing. It all made sense now, thinking back to all the times he even considered that Todd felt the same way about him. It all made sense.

"What?" Neil choked out as his lips formed a smile.

Todd reciprocated his smile. "Just before you moved out..."

The two boys shared a glance and the room seemed to shrink, pulling them closer together.

"Really?"

"...yeah."

"Charlie had his suspicions." Neil joked. He tried keeping the conversation light hearted, he knew that Todd didn't hold up well under stress.

"I thought it was so obvious-" Todd mumbled, he hid his face in his hands.

In hindsight it was incredibly obvious. It was ridiculous that they had no idea that the other had feelings for them until now.

"I... I guess I just never noticed before." Neil sat back down in his original position on the bed. "I thought I was the obvious one." He laughed.

"Really?" Todd's voice came out like a mouse, he peeked at Neil from behind his hands.

"Oh yeah!" He nodded reassuringly. "Remember all the valentines' I made you?"

"Oh my God-" The shorter boy covered his face with his hands again, embarrassed, his face flushed red. "I had no idea."

"Really? No idea?"

Todd silently shook his head in response.

Neil hadn't noticed his cheeks heating up until he saw himself in the mirror. His face was bright red and there was a sweet smile on his face. He never even dreamed that this day would come. Not only was he able to confess to the love of his life, but to hear Todd say in his own words that he reciprocated those feelings, it just meant the world to him. Maybe this was the beginning of something new?

Carpe Diem.

[em-writes-stuff-sometimes]

Hey you ! Just wanted to let you know that I love & adore your writing very much. I am going through a really rough patch of my life and seeing you updating is something I am always looking forward to because reading your work is so fun & sexy haha ! I come back in the evening almost everyday to comfort- read the previous works of terms of endearment because I identify with reader on so many levels, seriously lol. Don’t wanna go in too much detail but my personal character development is so similar to hers 😅 apart from that I love your work because I am hopelessly crushing on Matt smith since I saw him in doctor who & head over heels for uncle daddy Daemon. You portray Daemon in such an authentic way if I had to choose someone to rewrite the script you would be the only one 🫶🏻Please keep going but don’t feel pressured - do it in your own timing ⏱️😊 also can’t wait for all the works you hopefully have planned for Babey & Daemon ❤️

Oh, yay! I'm so glad that you've been enjoying this work. I'm sorry that things haven't been going so well for you lately - I hope that things start to turn around for you soon. I'm really happy that you feel you can relate to Reader, as I have had a couple people question why she isn't so 'badass'; there's so many BAMF readers already, and I wanted to explore something for those who are maybe a little less inclined to extrovertist behaviours. I myself am quite shy and uncertain, so it's sorta been a weird way of unpacking that psychology for myself too.

I'm also really happy it's re-readable, lol, as so much of this has been written LIGHTNING quick with little editing. I think I was posting a chapter a day at one point? Wild. It seems overall a little easier to write plot, as I tend to overthink my language choices when I'm writing smut and it takes FOREVER.

I am greatly ashamed that it took me so long to see the light that is Matt Smith; he is fiiiiire in this role (heh, fire and blood, Targaryens, punny haha). He was very cute in Doctor Who, but this role made me go "YES, daddy, fuck me up." I'm thrilled that my characterisation of him is working! Always trying to find the line between sweet and fucked-up, because that is where the guy lives full-time. I have no plans to stop anytime soon, but annoyingly my whole family is home for a few more days and they get annoyed when I spend my time writing so I've not been able to do as much lately. After next Tuesday, they LEAVE me alone so I should be able to write a little faster!

As of right now, I have the following plans:

Pregnancy fic (post 'little slut')

Prequel series of little!Reader (Episodes 1-5-ish)

One-shot of claiming Cannibal (prequel to first fic)

One-shot compilation of other characters' perspectives of Reader/Daemon (set vaguely after 'sweet girl', potentially into 'little slut' and further)

Vague plans for another family-building fic (i.e. more births, Helaena's twins' birth, Viserys's gradual decline).

I WILL be tackling Episode 8 onwards to the Dance, but I'm wondering at this stage if I want to put a pause on the series until the second season comes out so that the story aligns character-wise with canon; I won't be making the same narrative choices, but it helps to know where Matt and Emma and the rest plan to take their characters so that I can do an interpretation of that. That way, the story feels thematically similar if not similar plot-wise. I don't know. Thoughts.

Thank you so much, anon. I do hope that this fic series can continue to help you out. I love that I can be there for you in some small way.

[atlasalexanderwrites]

Long Over-Due Update!

Hello everyone!

Apologies for being MIA and not posting anything!

Life has been chaotic and it unfortunately has left me with very little time for this blog and for writing in general! I got a new position at work back in late-September/early-October and picked up more hours in order to be able to pay for the holidays. This has left me exhausted and with very little time to write as I am also in the process of fully unpacking and doing small renovation-like things around my house; I moved here back in June and I'm slow at unpacking and creating my much needed work space that will allow me to write for me and for all of you.

I can't make any promises about updates and such in terms of having something posted in the next few weeks, but I am getting things set up and planned out to hit the ground running come the new year.

I can say that I plan on posting on AO3 for multiple fandoms come the new year on my account here! Currently, I do not have anything posted but I DO have my Oc!Queen x Malcolm Merlyn that I plan on revamping and posting here as well as things for ASOIAF/GOT/HotD that will be a mix of old AND new pieces from my ASOIAF writing blog as well as stuff that I haven't shared with anyone before! And, of course, other fandoms will follow!

Everything shared on AO3 will also be shared here on this blog, at the least, links will be shared :D

When it comes to original content, some will be shared here and some will be shared on my patreon which I (still) haven't fully got up and functioning unfortunately (because I have ADHD and I'm slow, sorry!).

SO please stay tune for all of that as we go through the holidays and into the new year!

Thank you so much to those who have reached out and continued to show interest in my stuff, it really means a lot to me.

I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy!

~AtlexWrites :D :D

[cyanoscarlet]

alive, awake, alert

(Or, in our language, "conscious, coherent, cooperative".

Not enthusiastic, though. Much too late in the day for that.)

Felt physically fine after my bout with COVID last month. Was immensely demotivated for some reason, though. Always retired early everyday despite not being sleepy at all. I knew I was wasting time by not working on my slowly-piling academic output (hello, 0% written Graduation Thesis), but I couldn't muster the motivation to drag my ass to my desk beyond 9pm.

Today's the first day I properly set up my workstation. I already feel fulfilled. Hope this is a sign things get better for me again. I really, really, really need to get my shit together.

Last three months in residency - crossing fingers.

- (more rambling under the cut)

- Since I don't want to bother making another post anymore, have some more words from moi while I still remember my Tumblr exists lol.

-

Twitter Presence

Or rather, my sort-of lack thereof. The accounts are still up, but I haven't posted at all in months, for those who've noticed. Been busy IRL, and I find Twitter's pace too fast and too toxic for comfort these days.

Funnily, around once or twice a month I'd decide to end my Twitter hiatus and post just once to get the ball rolling, but every time I'd log in, the timeline would overwhelm me so much I end up nope-ing out again, so.

cyano scarlet

*** WIPED AND LOCKED. It's there only as a placeholder now. *** I don't really have a fandom account anymore. *** A lot of things happened- mainly drifting from the BSD fandom and the friends I made on it, for almost the same reasons I left the YOI fandom in the past. For a while after, I kept getting the nagging feeling that I really shouldn't have given in to my over-enthusiasm over BSD back then and made that damn account. *** Engaging in fandom made me lose confidence in my writing again for a while, then I became so busy with IRL (residency) that I eventually lost interest in writing fan fiction altogether. (That I'll write about as a separate post when time allows- got a lot of thoughts to unpack and unravel regarding my relationship with creative writing in general at this point. I hope this is just because I'm worn out from residency and not a sign of something deeper going on. IDK.)

choon xie

*** It's the public version of my IRL account, minus all the specific self-incriminating stuff, as well as all the fandom-related stuff. *** Originally just a "nom de plume account", but it's now basically just "me" except with a different surname. (My IRL surname's a whole boatload of complicated I don't want to explain again and again to people anymore. *** When I locked cyano scarlet for good, I decided to not complicate things anymore. Being my IRL self means I can and should be able to talk about and retweet whatever the hell I want on MY space, so if I want to talk about fandom or other non-mainstream / professional (MD) / original writing-related stuff, I'd do it all as "me" and not as some partially-sanitized version of myself. (i.e. "Oh, Doc Therese is a fujo / fangirl / stan / whatever?" Yes, She Is. Deal With It.) *** That said, it's currently DORMANT / ON HIATUS. Too busy.

Real IRL Account

*** My REAL account. Also my very first one- had it since college, so around 11 years ago. *** It's the unfiltered version of choon xie, including but not limited to: specific self-incriminating stuff, regular breakdowns over residenshit, Anxiety and Depression(TM), petty whining, and more. Locked private ever since, for a reason. (That said, I whine about everything on Tumblr these days, so yeah everyone knows now anyway - if anyone's even reading.) *** Followed only by people I know IRL, and fandom / online people whom I consider close enough to let into my "real" world. You know who you are. *** Also DORMANT / ON HIATUS.

-

Aerial Arts

Ah, yes, happier life update. I've started taking Aerial Classes at a pole dance stuido!

I actually took some classes in 2018 as a graduation gift to myself after med school. I wasn't actually working yet then, so I only limited myself to what I could afford with my meager allowance + red envelopes saved through the years. The day I filed for my medical license, I swore to myself I'd attend regularly and pay for it all myself.

(Then, of course, pandemic happened, and everything closed down. And of course residenshit's obviously an energy-draining bitch, but apparently I'd sorely underestimated how busy it could get, despite people saying Family Medicine's "just an easy program". Was only able to adjust properly now, sometime in the middle of senior year.)

So far the class I'm taking most regularly is aerial silks (tissue). It's the apparatus I was most drawn to in 2018, and for some reason I find myself gravitating back to it. (Also, silks classes for beginners are every Saturday, and I'm almost always available only on Saturdays, so there's really no other choice lol.)

Of course I also equally enjoy aerial hoop (lyra) and aerial hammock. They both involve a lot of spinning! Thing is, those classes happen on days I'm not available (just for now in residency!), so I don't get to attend them as regularly as I do aerial silks. I plan to attend classes for both hoop and hammock when I graduate, since I don't have hospital duties anymore by then - and hopefully will be earning more than I do now!

There's also pole, of course, which is actually the most popular class there! (Obviously.) I have my reasons for not doing pole - but who knows?

(Another reason why I'm not on Twitter or Tumblr anymore is because I'm using my Instagram again! Funny things is that I used to be inactive there instead, in favor of the two abovementioned sites, but now it's the reverse lol. I post all my aerial class videos there, despite it being locked to only IRL people.)

-

I believe this has been long enough. Have work tomorrow.

[greydiminishing]

Jan 20, 2024

Since my last writing about two and a half weeks ago, I've packed up, moved 6 hours away to school, unpacked and moved in, and had a whole week of classes! Well almost whole, it was a 4 day week.

I am doing,, just okay. I am so excited to be back on campus and in school. But I feel super behind since I've failed so many classes previously, and took basically 3 semesters off. I'm essentially a 22 year old 3rd year. I've been a student in this school for five years. I was supposed to graduate this year, but I have two more years left, at minimum. Some of the kids I have classes with were highschool freshmen when I was a college freshman. I feel self consious and ashamed about that.

I also feel like i'm already behind in some classes after only two actual class sessions (tues/thurs and wed/fri classes). I didnt get as much studying done as I would've liked in those five weeks that i time blocked (But getting into time blocking was definitely worth it, thats helping me so much).

I haven't had to do any actual math in TWO YEARS. I celebrated taking the "last math class of my life", completely forgetting that I need to take a calc-based physics class. Now im struggling in class to find the sides of a triangle with sohcahtoa 😭 If i don't glue my eyeballs to khan academy i'm gonna be a wreck trying to integrate and find derivatives.

And one class has an "Assignment 0" which is just downloading and setting up all the software we're gonna be using, and just trying to clone my gitlab repository took me several hours to figure out.

All the deadlines and assignments and quizzes and project dates has my head spinning. One class requires you to upload your notes to the lecture video before every single class (m/w/f class, so 3 times a week), and its something like 10% of your final grade. Idk i just think thats stupid lol. And I can't help but write notes differently when i'm concious of the fact that someone else will be reading them :/

But I will be studying hard, and getting stuff done early as to not fall behind.

That was academics, now onto my roommates.

I was placed in a random campus apartment with 3 other roommates. We each have our own room, but share the living room and kitchen. They're nice and i want to be their friend so bad, but I'm so socially awkward and i don't know how to make friends 😭. The thing is, I'm coming into "their" apartment mid-academic year, and thats only because their other friend moved out for an internship or something, so I got put in the vacant room. They're already a little friendgroup, the three of them plus the friend that moved out which they're still in group chats with. They might've even know each other before living here, they seem pretty close.

They're not intentionally excluding me or anything, but everytime i'm chatting with them it feels so awkward, and when I go back to my room and I can hear their fun conversations finally ignite. They talk about their mutual friends, and their parents, and plans to roadtrip. Then I go back out to fill my water bottle or make tea or something, mostly an excuse to join their conversation, and the conversation goes back to quiet and polite. I know I act the same way around new people as well, so its not their fault, but I dont know what to do, how to get around this. I heard them from my room talking about anime, and I so badly wanted to join them, but I didn't know how to do so naturally without creeping them out like I was eavesdropping their convo the whole time. You can only go fill your waterbottle so many times.

Its already the end of week 1 and i've barely talked to them. I'm afraid if we don't get more friendly soon, as time progresses, we'll get more stuck in the same routine and we'll only be able to be awkward and quiet around each other for the rest of the semester. I want to suggest we order some food tonight and maybe watch a movie, but idk is that weird? To suggest out of nowhere and not really knowing them? And theres no TV so we'd have to watch on someones laptop. Aughhhh idk. Plus I really need to get started on all this work i already have. Maybe i'll suggest it next weekend.

I'm already planning on making cookies for everyone tomorrow. A freshly baked cookie is the way to friendship, surely?

[herstarlitdreams]

Moving into 2024

2023 was a rough, rough year. Jay and I started out pretty strongly, but by the time June rolled around we were losing steam, and things started to really spiral for us both. Despite this, some good things did happen in the second half of the year, just as some bad things did.

2023, a review

In 2023, I finally started getting treatment again for my mental health. I'm back on my medication, and while I still struggle with taking it every single day, I'm doing much better.

I started writing and drawing again this year! This is super exciting for me, and as we get into 2024, I'll be able to share with you guys some major projects that I'm working on, both independently and as part of collab efforts.

Jay and I were evicted from our home of 5 years. On one hand, this sucked considerably. Jay was so stressed that they ended up in the hospital twice, once for 2 weeks and once for 3, which seriously messed with our finances. One the other hand, the house that we've moved to is in a much more peaceful area, the house itself is larger (though slightly less accessible for Jay), and we don't have mold everywhere, which is nice.

Jay is still recovering from the last hospital visit over a month later. It's been extremely hard on them, and it also means that I haven't been able to do as much as far as unpacking and working, because Jay needs me so much more now than they did before the hospital. This has been posing some minor issues, but we're working on them.

2024, plans for the future

I don't really do the "New Year Resolution" thing. It almost never works out for me, and I have... opinions about the psychology behind it. However, I DO believe in setting goals, and I think that the start of a new year is a great time to set them, because it's the beginning of a new cycle. I'm very into cyclical goal setting and pattern building.

2024 is a presidential election year for the United States, which is where Jay and I unfortunately reside. With everything that's been happening, this year is going to mean some very serious shit for people like us. On top of worrying about other people in the world, Jay and I are likely going to be spending a chunk of this next year fearing for our own rights and safety.

It's my goal in life to live to the fullest. As we move into 2024, what this means for me is continuing my treatment plan, encouraging Jay's recovery and mental health as well. My goals include getting out of the house more often, writing more, and creating more. Ideally, I would like to get my business up and running again, with new branding and business goals.

I'm going to be working on making changes to my daily routine so that I have more time and energy to get things done. As this new routine develops, it's my hope that I'll be able to do more every day, and eventually, I hope that I'll be able to put more of my time and energy into activism. Unfortunately, with my and Jay's health, that part may get delayed. Either way, I will continue to show my support for the things that matter to us in smaller ways, as often as I can.

You can expect more posts from me here, on Twitter, on Bluesky, and on my Ko-Fi page moving forward. I have a lot of things that are just waiting to get worked on, finished, or posted, and I finally have the confidence to do it.

I hope you're all ready for an amazing 2024, because I sure am!

[anyasmcm]

November 14th - 20th research

Observational research:

I've been thinking a little more about material in reference to my piece, and Isabelle referenced Anna Mlasowsky's piece "Chorus of One" during my Capstone Update presentation. It's really hard for me to think about material and its meaning because a lot of materials have multiple meanings. It reminds me of Kara Walker's piece "A Subtlety" and her use of sugar. I'd really like my material to have personal meaning, but it's also overwhelming because I don't think I can assign 1 material to encompass the meaning of my piece. I think I will do a lot of material research over winter break so I have time to experiment with a lot of different things.

Active research:

I wanted to think a little about how my work will present in an exhibit/gallery setting.

In this sketch, the people speaking in the foreground are recorded by microphones placed throughout the gallery. What they are saying is then sent to the computer, which then prints what is said onto a receipt-like piece of paper. What is said is continuously printed onto the paper, and I sit at the end of the table and roll up the paper like a scroll. I've been thinking a lot about speech-to-text after playing around with it for pre-recorded audio. I usually watch movies and shows with captions because I struggle to understand what the characters are saying at times, so speech-to-text reminds me of captions. I also want to unpack what my function is in my piece, since I feel like I haven't done that a whole lot or unpacked it as much as I'd like to.

Another idea I had for my piece was a more guerilla approach to interacting with the viewers. I would go around asking people, non-verbally, if I can have their number. Then, I would text the numbers that I do acquire and display our messages on a projection behind me or on a wall in the gallery. I was thinking about the function of phones and how they have changed from exclusively verbal communication devices into these mini computers that can verbally, through texts and words, and also through emotions (emojis). I wanted to think about the difference between flip phones and smart phones, since my generation grew up in the period where the majority of the public was transitioning from a flip phone to a smart phone. How are messages different on the two devices? Flip phones take longer to type on and therefore encouraged a language of short-hands and abbreviations. However, since the messages took longer to send, it was more meaningful or important when someone sent a message because it meant that they wanted that communicated in writing and also wanted the person to be able to read it whenever they want, which shows compassion. On the other hand, smart phones also picked up on abbreviations, but they are no longer as necessary because it doesn't take a whole lot of time out of your day to use the entire word/phrase. Additionally, we can send messages quickly whenever and where-ever, so it seems as though we are desensitized to the marvel of text messaging. I'm not sure if I'll go with this idea, but I do think it has potential.

I also wanted to collect a couple of the questions I have surrounding my presence in my piece. I haven't really attempted to answer any of these questions, but I am keeping them at the back of my mind while I try and narrow my focus on my piece.

[caffeine-tanuki]

Hey there. Guess it took me a bit to come back here, but how's it going?

Things are getting a bit hectic around here for the moment. Lotta things happening real soon. On Sunday evening my mom gets into town, and the next morning I'm getting my nose worked on. I might finally be able to breathe normally, thank fuck. I'm also scrambling to deep-clean my entire apartment so I can avoid anxiety when my unit gets inspected on Tuesday. It shouldn't take me too long, but it's going to be a lot of work. I'll for sure have it done by the weekend, though.

I think I'm gonna use this as a springboard. Use the momentum off of this rush to fix my life once and for all. I've been wanting to get back in shape, and my sleep schedule has been shit. I mean hell, I woke up at 2 in the afternoon today. If I'm gonna move out in a few months, I gotta prove I can take care of myself correctly. Then my mom won't have to worry, and the whole process will be a lot smoother. I love her to bits, but she worries too much sometimes. She's worried I'm not going to work on putting down roots, but then again she doesn't know about my plan. I won't tell her until it's set in stone, though. She won't have anything to say about it then, other than maybe that she's happy that I found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. Hopefully she's not skeptical, but I think moving in with her after a year of near-daily interaction through calls and texts and a 2-week-long visit isn't unreasonable. Not to mention I'd be just about as far away from a major airport up there as I am right here, and I won't be living alone with pets so I'd have some actual time to visit more often. Late July sounds like a nice time to move.

It's kinda funny how this all worked out. I'm the most functional I've ever been socially, but to get there I had to collapse, a few times might I add, as an adult. I'm finally living in my own skin and loving it, and now all these other problems have become so apparent to me. I still haven't finished unpacking everything here, so there's still boxes in several unhelpful places and I'm still working with maybe 15 shirts and 2 pairs of pants. That changes this week, though. Gonna work hard on it.

I think that's all I can throw at this one. My threads of thought usually aren't really strong, so if you hold it too long or too tight it breaks. I'll write something later on, probably something dumb and short.

See ya, -M

edit/update: apparently I'm not getting my nose fixed this week. they cant fit me into the schedule for quite a while.

[vulnerableparts]

I was doing my level best to do what comes naturally in life, or what's supposed to. Growth, change, cycles that have a specific length, relationships that are meant to have a specific meaning. My parents didn't let me develop the way a child is supposed to be allowed to, so I never felt human. Part of the reason I'm burned out now is bc I had to do so many quick course corrections to save myself from the things my parents set me up for. And I felt I had to make it look easy. I wasn't afforded the opportunity to really ask a lot of folks for help. And I was consistently abused for looking confused or scared about something new that I was being required to do. It was very damaging.

I learned to navigate that and I thought someday I'd be able to follow any track but alas, I chose relationships poorly. My parents taught me to pursue people that sabotaged every journey I was on, no matter where I was going. I'm disappointed and upset and angry and sad and scared of the dangers people pose bc of that. I still have work to do to unpack things I was conditioned to believe. I still have a ways to go before I can be totally confident in my judgement of others.

Which brings me to this place. I haven't ever dreamed big enough for myself. I've dreamt of freedom and equity for all more than I've looked at it on a personal level. Time to change that. I've been working on bits and pieces here and there, but I'm giving myself the permission to write the life I want to have. Nothing is too big, too much or too extreme. I've been trying to be practical my entire life as a means of survival and it hasn't gotten me very much. I think it's time to dream big and stop keeping myself and my needs, wants and desires small.

[tabby-shieldmaiden]

I've been meaning to ask; your WIP has a character that's trying to redeem herself but she did awful things. How would you say other characters in fiction compare?

Personally, I can't stand characters like the Diamonds or Shigaraki Dabi and Toga because they're written too sympathetically and their redemptions feel unearned.

Well, firstly, I have never watched MHA and haven't watched Steven Universe since I was like, 13, so I honestly don't think I can meaningfully compare my WIP to the examples you have given.

Secondly, I... actually don't have plans to publish this particular WIP. For a while, I published a couple of chapters because I thought that publishing it out serially would give me the motivation to stick with a project for a long time. But after a while, I found myself writing for it even without publishing it. The original intent of this particular story was to prove to myself that I could stick to writing one long original story instead of just short stories and fanfiction. When I finish this particular story, I don't have plans to edit it or do much of anything with it (at least for a while), because when I finish it it would have served its purpose. No one will read the completed project, at least not without several more drafts.

But since you are curious, I'll talk about this story. In the story, my protagonist assassinated several people after getting indoctrinated into a cult as a kid. She eventually got out, and over the course of the story she ends up working alongside a heroic group where she 1) learns how truly shitty the actions of her cult (and by extension, the establishment the cult was venerating) were, how many people they hurt, and 2) tries to do some good and right some wrongs.

If you wanted to know if forgiveness comes easy to her, well, the answer would be no. A lot of people were hurt by her actions, and there are people in the heroic group who really would not want anything to do with her if they could help it. But like. This isn't really a story about forgiveness. And like, I don't like the fact that so many discussions around 'redemption' in media are focused around whether or not a character is 'forgiven'. Forgiveness from others really is only one aspect of the redemption process (which really is a process; there's a lot to unpack under the concept of 'redemption'!). And there are aspects of the idea of 'redemption' that I find more interesting than whether or not a character is 'forgiven' by others. When I first set out to write this, I didn't want to only think about who deserved or earned or owed whoever what; some things aren't solely about 'deserved' or 'earned' or 'owed', and reducing them to that would be greatly simplifying disturbingly complex things.

I have a sort of, secondary protagonist who is hardcore reparative and restorative in her ideals of justice. She spends some time vouching for the protagonist out of a belief that she can truly change. And that providing her an avenue for doing good would be a good way to help make sure she doesn't do anything terrible again, and that she helps to try and repair some of the wrongs she has done in the past in some way. And I feel like, if I were to write another story that I would publish online that tackles the same themes, I would like to focus on a character like that. Probably not this particular character, but like. Some sort of character similar in her ideals for reparative justice. Maybe this sort of character would also have done ugly things, maybe she would also be in some ways, a victim. It's very possible to be both, after all. And I think after writing what I have written for this particular story, I think I would more easily be able to talk about what I would like to talk about re:justice and redemption through such a character.

But like, that's an idea I'll need to sit with and stew on for a little longer. It's a gem of an idea. And it will need its time to grow.

[katwritessometimes]

In The Dark

Shadow Monster Aizawa x Reader

A collab piece for @lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten Citrus Dome Server

Read the other entries HERE

Warnings: somnophilia, dub-con, non-con, tetraphilia eeee tentaicles kind of? Monster fucking, manipulation, tiny little sprinkling of yandere if you squint. 

5kish words

 @bobawithpomegranate ​ & @miscellaneous-bnha ​ thanks for keeping me from jumping off a bridge. This was surprisingly very challenging to write so i hope you guys enjoy.

The sight of your grandmother’s old home brought comfort into your heart in a way nothing else ever could. It had taken much longer than you would have liked to get here, after almost a year of fighting with the family. Legal battles over property and inheritance, you'd finally been handed the keys to the beautiful old Victorian home your grandmother had loved so much. The outside was weathered but held strong, you were sure the inside would be worse after being empty and neglected for so long. With a sigh, you picked up the cleaning supplies you'd brought with you and made your way inside the house. 

You don't notice it at first,

 He’d noticed you the second you walked onto the porch. 

Singing softly to yourself, you make your way through the old house, flipping lights on to make sure the electricity works. Opening up windows and doors to air the dusty old place out. Except once you set your mind to cleaning it becomes blatantly obvious. The house isn't dusty, the house is fairly clean, no dust having settled anywhere, no cobwebs hanging in abandoned corners. You think for a second maybe the lawyer hired someone to come clean before handing over the keys, but you don't recall her mentioning anything like that. 

With a shrug determined to do some light cleaning anyway, you spend the day unpacking some of the stuff you brought and lightly cleaning as you went. The first time you notice it it’s dark out, dim lights illuminating the house. Christ, why did grandma have such shitty lightbulbs in, you’d think an older woman would want brighter lights as her vision faded. The thought slips from you when you hear something crash onto the floor behind you. You turn quickly, something flinting in the corner of your eye as you turn, heart rate spiking, and you freeze. You were sure you saw something going up the stairs. 

Taking a breath in an attempt to calm your breathing, you pick up the painting that had somehow been knocked off its mount. A creaking coming from the second floor has your head snap in that direction. It’s an old house, you chant in your head trying to not let yourself get worked up. You don’t realize you're making your way up the stairs until the old wood creaks loudly under your weight. Your attention is drawn to your grandmother’s room, the only place you haven't been in just yet. You dig around your pocket for the master key that gave you access into the main bedroom, worried that maybe this is where all the dust and cobwebs had scampered off too. You chuckle to yourself at that and it settles your nerves a little, though you can't pinpoint why you're suddenly nervous. 

Much to your surprise, your grandmother’s old bedroom was just as clean as the rest of the house had been, even though no one should have been able to access it. You almost miss the small box sitting on her bed if not for something skittering in the corner of your eyes turning your attention to it. You do miss the shadow that slinks out behind you pausing at the doorway to watch you for a second. You reach out for the ornate box, a letter sitting on top of it with your name written neatly on the front. But before your fingers can make contact with it, the door behind you slams loudly. You jump at the sound, hands coming up to clutch at your chest, curses spilling from your lips as you turn to see the door is closed now. 

“Fucking old house” You yell aloud unable to control your volume after having been spooked. Your yelling makes you miss the deep chuckle that rings out in the air. 

Cute

You pout upset that you’d let yourself be so easily spooked like that. Running a hand through your hair you turn your attention back to the small box and letter picking up both items before heading out of the bedroom. You look back one last time, unsure if you felt ready to disturb your grandmother’s space just yet. Opting to leave it as it was, if only for a little while longer. 

You probably should have read the letter too, things would have made sense much quicker if you had. 

Two weeks of dusting and cleaning out old boxes before you decided it was time to begin moving your things into the house. It had been slightly odd, something for sure was off about the house but you tried not to think about it too much. Handling most of the weird mishaps in the house with a shrug and no real inclination to question it. The last thing that came with you into the new house was your two cats. A sleek black tom who loves you and only you, and a younger larger orange tom who’s all around very friendly. You hate to say you notice a shift in the house when the cats finally settle. Both the boys took to the house as if they’d always been there, something you were struggling with. It was their presence that made it so that you could no longer pretend like you didn’t see the shadows moving. 

Both cats who’d always preferred lazing in sun rays suddenly preferred the dark corners of the living room over the sunny rays leaking in through the large bay window in the house. Demanding meow’s typically indicative of wanting attention, were used in dark corners of the house. Directed at something you couldn’t see. You’d be able to ignore the behavior, except every time you went looking for them when they called. 

You’d find them happily purring, rubbing up against something that wasn't there in the darkness, as if already being given the attention they were asking for. It was creepy, weird, should have creeped you out. But you’d been raised to have a healthy fear and respect towards things you couldn't understand but were not outright malicious. So you tried not to let it bother you too much, don't question the way shadows seem to move. Or when the cats' purr and flop on their backs for tummy scratches in the dark corners of the house.

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The dreams had begun the first night at the house, an all-encompassing warmth that lazily spreads throughout your whole body. Contrasted by cold hands caressing your skin, a deep rich voice whispering dirty things in your ear and working you up to a feverish pitch. 

“Pretty little mouse wandering into my house”  the voice coos in your ear.

And then you’re awake, panting heavily, a groan spilling past your lips as you toss and turn a little in your bed. 

“Fuck.” you whimper out, bringing your arm up over your face as you try and catch your breath. 

 You can’t remember exactly what you dreamt about, only the deep voice murmuring nothings in your ear and cold fingers playing with your folds. You let out an exasperated sigh squirming in bed frustration seeping into your bones. When was the last time you had a dream like that, you couldn't remember? When was the last time you’d been worked up like this, and from a dream no less? You let out a frustrated huff turning and burying your face in the pillow. You could have sworn you heard a deep chuckle ring out. 

They get more detailed, more vivid the longer you're at the house you're almost used to waking up panting and sweaty. The feeling of cool silky tendrils exploring your body lingering for a bit before slinking off as you become more alert. Groggily whining at being awake after dreaming such filthy things. The feeling of your wetness soaking through your panties frustrating you. Always waking up right before the best part of the dream, so you throw the blankets off of yourself in a huff. Spreading your legs wide you trail your fingers over the lingering sensation of someone else’s touch. 

It drives him wild.

Aizawa was on the edge of insanity when you showed up at the old house. A year of solitude will do that to you, he'd been beyond madness when the old lady bought the house all those years ago. Though she's brought him back with a soft kindness only a grandmother could offer.

You,

You brought a clarity to his mind in a different way. Every little curse, every time you scold the house when something disappears. Every time you touched yourself to thoughts of him, to the lingering feeling of his tendrils and hands on you. Aizawa was able to pull himself little by little out of the pit insanity and loneliness had pulled him into. You were so easy too, subconsciously letting the shadow creature infect every ounce of your being. He'd managed to seep into your dreams easily enough, a lonely pent up girl. He liked how you squirmed in your sleep. 

Desperate little whimpers spilling from your lips as his cool fingers explore your body. It was addicting, the way your warmth spread through him with every touch, every explorative lick of your body lighting a fire deep in Aizawa's belly. 

“Pretty little thing aren't you.” Aizawa coos in your ear, and you always react so beautifully to his voice. Your sleeping body responding with a soft whimper, he lets his tendrils explore every inch of you. Slipping underneath the silk PJ top and skimpy little shorts you always wore to bed. You were practically offering yourself up to him each and every night. How could he ever resist when your body reacted like this to his every touch. He’d started slowly at first, only manifesting his tendrils to creep along your body as you slept. 

Once you’d been there for a few months he didn’t even have to worry about you waking up. Having invaded your dreams enough to be able to keep you in a nice deep sleep while he had his way with you. Settling himself between your legs fully manifested, never happier to have this solid form as when he's trailing large callus palms up to your soft legs. It’s so easy, really he can’t help himself, your wetness quickly soaking through your panties as cold fingers rub at your clit. Heady little moans spilling from your sleeping frame and it makes him giddy, trailing a large hand up and under your shirt. Pressing against the soft skin of your stomach and trailing up to gently squeeze at your breasts. Aizawa loves the way your body reacts to him, whimpering and arching against his touch. He shifts then, leaning over your sleeping body, caging your head between his hands, leaning down to nuzzle his nose into your hair.

Can’t help himself as he trails open mouth kisses down your neck, tangling his fingers through your hair, you lean into his touch. A soft whimper of please slips through your lips and Aizawa can barely contain himself as his hips buck against your core. 

“Begging for me in your sleep, sweet girl, already knows who she belongs to. Don’t you.”  

You mewl, a soft pretty sound that Aizawa plays in his head over and over for days. Humping into your soaked panty-clad pussy desperately. His tendrils emerging from his back of their own accord, stroking and rubbing up against you as he mindlessly pleasures himself against your unconscious frame. Your little pants and moans edging him on until he's groaning against your neck, spilling himself onto your cute little silk PJ shorts. Aizawa lets himself bask in the feeling of your warmth against him littering your face in kisses. 

“My good girl.” 

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You conclude something is living in the house one night during an intense thunderstorm. Living in a house with some creature that may or may not try to eat you? Cool fine, no worries. But a thunderstorm? The loud unpredictable booms that tear through the air make you jump every single time without fail. 

You flinch, once again roused by a loud clap of thunder and a harsh flash of lightning. An involuntary whimper slipping past your lips as you curl up into a ball on the bed doing your best to block out the noise of the raging storm. 

You can feel it when a cool blanket envelopes you, a shift in the air that muffles all of the intense noise. The feeling of something carding its fingers through your hair comes next, ever so lightly scratching at your scalp. “It’s just a storm” A deep voice that seems to come from all around whispers and a strange comfort washes over you as your body begins to relax. You're half asleep, it's easy to lean into the gentle caress when you're not quite awake. Easy to ignore the feeling of tendrils creeping across your legs and stomach. You can't help but feel slightly comforted by them in your half-asleep state. 

 An exceptionally loud clap of thunder jolts you into a more awake state and you shoot up in bed. The hazy fog that was keeping you calm dispelling and you whimper as the comfort leaves you. “Please don't leave” you whisper aloud unsure to who or why you even spoke. A deep voice coos at you as thunderclaps outside again and you tremble. A yelp slips past your lips and your hands reach out towards the deep voice as if on instinct. Something safe that will soothe you if only you can reach out and touch it.

 A chuckle thick like honey floats into your ears and your hands meet something soft. You're groggy, half asleep, and confident you're just imagining things, but that doesn't take away from the comfort. It feels like a million different arms wrap around you, pulling you in towards something solid and the hazy fog returns your body relaxing as the tendrils tighten almost uncomfortably around you. Wrapping you up in a cocoon that feels safe and secure, the thunderstorm outside fading into the background and all you can concentrate on is the deep voice mumbling nothings in your ear. 

It's in the days after the storm when you can still hear his deep voice in your ears and feel his warm touch lingering on your body. That you remember the letter and box your grandmother had left you. You feel a little stupid for not thinking of reading them earlier, having been caught up in the whirlwind of moving you'd put them off to the side and almost forgotten entirely about them 

To my lovely granddaughter, 

If you’re reading this then it means you've agreed to the stipulations I included for ownership of the house. This place is special, and if you take care of the house its caretaker will return the favor. Be patient with him, it takes him a little while to warm up but he won't hurt you. I promise I haven't gone crazy with old age. Allow yourself to be open to the things in life we can’t explain. I hope the house is as good to you as it was to me in my old age. 

It doesn’t explain much, but coming from a family that believed in the supernatural made it so that your grandmother's cryptic words didn't freak you out as much as they should have. They made you feel better actually, soothed the part of you that was nervous you might be going crazy. The small box held a pendant, a small but brilliant ruby ordaining the center of it delicate but practical enough for daily wear. You can't help but slip it on and admire the pretty jewel. 

Aizawa is more active after that, the haze in his mind settles when he sees you wearing his necklace. You notice it too, the shadows in the house somehow softening, almost playful. He likes to move your things around so he can hear you huff in frustration. Every curse every time you yell at him, the fog in his mind clears.

He gets bolder around the house, slowly but surely, starts moving things around more obviously. Enjoys making you jump by slithering his tendrils across your ankles while you're cooking. Or shutting off the lights while you shower just to hear your cute little yelp. He likes that you’re somehow not scared of his presence but still easily spooked overall. 

“That foundation was $50 and if it's not back in my makeup bag when I come back I swear to god I'll keep all the lights on for a week.” You see the shadow swirl in the corner of the bathroom, and you know it's smiling at you. You roll your eyes but the next morning your foundation is sitting right on the bathroom sink. 

You begin to catch glimpses of it, of him. As if your attention is helping him manifest fully after a long time of being nothing but a wisp of smoke. Most obvious when your eyes scan the house and you can almost swear a man is petting one of your cats. Only to double back and see your cat rolling over against a dark corner of the room. You almost stop feeling uneasy, almost. 

It all comes to head on a night where sleep seems unreachable. You were frustrated, panting, skin warm, and sticky with sweat as your fingers skillfully circled your clit but no relief came. You let out a frustrated ‘fuck’ throwing your head back onto the pillow and tossing a hand over your face. You’d been pent up for a while now, the weird lewd dreams working you up but never getting you anywhere. You do your best to relax into the bed, accepting defeat with a groan and hoping sleep overtakes you quickly. 

The feeling of something wisping against your ankles brings you back from the edge of sleep. Cool ever so soft touches trail up your legs, you shiver at the cold sensation against your still warm and sweaty skin. Your eyes flutter open but you're only met with black, body tensing a little as cold tendrils stroke your face. 

“You’re ok little one.” The voice is deep against your ear, a cold forked tongue licking up the side of your cheek. “I’ve got you” The same soothing voice you’d heard during the thunderstorm. Except for this time, it's laced with something other than softness. “I’ve been watching you, little human. Spreading yourself open shamelessly, playing with that pretty pussy out in the open. Pretending like you didn’t know I was here to watch.” Aizawa coos.

You whimper at the words, mist curling around you as a dark chuckle fills the room. “Tease” he snarls in your ear and you can’t help yourself as your hips buck up at the sound. Something solid forms between your legs, the soft smooth thing wraps around your ankles assisting in spreading your legs out wide. The deep voice tsks against your ear, cold skin and stubble rubbing against your cheek “You could at least pretend like you're not enjoying this.” 

Your face flushes as he teases you, the sensation of his foreign appendages exploring your body exciting you in a way you can't quite place. They’re not hands that much you can tell, you can distinguish his hands by the callus texture as he strokes a thumb over one of your nipples. Tweaking at it gently until it perks against his fingers. 

“Aren’t you scared little mouse” you can feel his tongue lapping at your neck, sharp teeth pricking the skin there and you let out a whimper. Managing only to shake your head, arching your chest up into his touch as he plays with you. “Desperate little human, willing to take just about anything if it means being satisfied.” You choke out a protest but can’t help the soft moan that bubbles out of your mouth as Aizawa presses his thigh against your sex. He coos into your ear when you begin to hump him mindlessly. 

“Such simple little creatures humans. Driven by desire, and willing to fuck just about anything aren't you little one?” You shake your head in protest, but the excitement pooling in your belly betrays you. Aizawa chuckles and pulls away from you a little, tendrils pooling from him and eagerly joining the fray. The limbs have a mind of their own, each appendage going about playing with you in different ways. One replaces his hands, squeezing and pinching at your breasts. Another brings your hands up and holds them above you keeping you still with minimal effort. A few others explore your body and Aizawa watches, as one of his appendages eagerly begins tugging aside your cute little PJ bottoms. 

You whine out a “No” as the cold air hits your soaked entrance “That's not what your pretty little pussy is telling me.” Aizawa chuckles watching as the tendrils gather your juices up, gently circling your clit and parting your folds. “Look at you, soaked and ready for me aren't you.” His hand replaces the tendril and you feel cold fingers press into your heat. Your pussy clenches at the intrusion but you buck into him automatically. Already worked up from playing with yourself before, your body betrays you as your mind hazes and all you can think about is pleasure. 

“P-Please” You choke out tugging against the restraints that only tighten when you struggle. Aizawa cocks an eyebrow up at you as he leans down, nuzzling at your inner thigh. Tongue lapping at the juices running down between your supple ass. He hums when you beg a smile tugging at his lips, his fog finally taking hold of you. 

“What was that little mouse? Did you say something” He accentuates his words with another finger and you cry out as he finger fucks you. His tongue lazily licking at the edges of your pussy and then up to rub at your clit. You whine, hips bucking up and Aizawa sighs another tendril coming to wrap around your waist and pins you to the bed. 

“Be still, or I'll leave you here.” You freeze at that babbling for him not to leave you and settle your hips. The appendage keeps you still squeezing you just a little too tight. 

“That's a good girl.” Aizawa hums, turning his attention back to your core. “You look so pretty like this baby girl, spread out for me to do whatever I want. You just keep giving me those pretty little noises and I'll make you feel good, okay?” You moan in response and Aizawa clicks his tongue, the tendril circling your stomach squeezing until it hurts. “Let me hear you say it.” Aizawa snarls. 

You gasp as pain seeps into your pleasure “Yes, please I'll be good.” The pressure against your sides loosens and you're able to breathe again panting softly as the pain begins to fade. Aizawa doesn't say anything, pulling his fingers out of you and bringing them up for a taste. He hums satisfied and then he's moving your body. Positioning you onto your stomach, cold hands lifting your ass as he positions you just how he wants. His tendrils keep your arms together in front of you, stripping you of your PJs and keeping your legs spread just enough to give Aizawa the perfect view of your ass and dripping pussy. A smile, just a bit too wide spills over his lips as he settles himself between your legs. Aizawa is hard, painfully so but he takes his time sliding a hand over the curve of your asscheeks. Trailing down your back and up to the back of your neck, squeezing gently before trailing back again.

 With a hum, he lazily strokes your dripping folds, cooing as you press your ass back into him wiggling a little desperate for him to fill you. A harsh smack rings out as his palm connects with your ass “Patience little mouse.” He snarls leaning down to the opposite cheek and biting down just a little too hard. You cry out, tears pooling in your eyes and you bury your head into the pillow. Mind overcome by a lustful haze, you just want him to fuck you already. 

Your wish comes soon enough when you feel something thick prodding at your entrance. You gasp as the tip of Aizawa’s cock penetrates you, gasp turns into a desperate moan as he presses into you little by little. He lets out a deep guttural moan of his own as your warmth encircles him, greedily squeezing his cock. Your warmth is addicting and it doesn’t take too long for Aizawa to start bucking into you. He sets a brutal pace, the appendages holding your waist upkeep you still, nice and steady for him to fuck into while his hands explore your body. 

You curse desperate little moans and obscenities leaving your lips as he fucks into you. His cock stretches you to your limits, almost painful as the creature fucks into you desperately. There's a shift, and you feel his hands come up to your middle, pulling you up against his chest as he fucks you. You feel his face nuzzle against your cheek as one of his hands coming to rest against your belly as he fucks you. You hands are suddenly free and you reach up, feeling your fingers pass through a cool mist, before finding something solid. Soft wisps of something, that wrap around your fingers, rolling over them in waves as you entwine them into what you assume is his hair. 

“Such a good girl, you take me so well darling. Letting me fuck into your womb like this.” Aizawa presses his hand against your stomach pushing back on himself as he becomes desperate. 

“Wanna see” The words are a desperate whine and you don't even really register when you say them. Aizawa sputters a little pace wavering at your words. His fingers brush against the delicate necklace you wear his necklace, and for a second his mind clears. But you whimper a desperate sound that breaks whatever sliver clarity he'd found and a darkness takes over his features again. His fingers abandon the necklace and trail up to your neck fingers wrapping around it then squeezing.

“What was that you little slut.” He snarls in your ear and you can't help yourself as you cry out 

“Please, wanna see you, wanna watch your cock fuck into me.” Your face flushes as you admit this out loud. A growl coming from the man, thing currently fucking your brains out and you can't do anything but tug at his hair and lean into him further as he uses you. Aizawa stills a little, and you whine desperately doing your best to bounce on his cock as he stops moving. Suddenly you can see again and he's fucking into you, go to say something but you see it, a black wispy tentacle like thing appears in front of your face. Aizawa’s hand that was wrapped snugly around your neck comes up to squeeze your cheeks and the appendage gives you a cheeky little wave before filling your mouth. 

“Wanna watch yourself get stuffed, fine, we'll use all of your cute little holes. How does that sound little one.” You whine around the tentacle and then he’s picking up his pace. Hand squeezing your throat so he can feel it at his tendril fucks into your neck, you take him so well. This is it the broken part of his brain hisses she's the one. Aizawa shakes his head, the feeling of your fingers in his hair grounding him for a moment and presses your body back into the mattress. 

His movements turn erratic as he fucks into your overwhelmingly tight little pussy. Pretty little moans spilling from you as he fucks you and his tentacles play with your clit and throat. You take him so well, respond so beautifully to his touch, you weren't scared and accepted your place quickly. He brings his fingers up to the little nub between your legs, replacing his tendrils and pressing fast little circles against your already abused clit. It doesn't take long after that, your body presses into the mattress, a tentacle fucking your throat, and some creature’s cock kissing at your cervix the thought alone is too much. But you spill over when Aizawa’s teeth sink into your neck, your body spasming as your orgasm bubbles over. 

Aizawa grunts from above you, your body going limp as he bites into you fucking you through your orgasm and chasing his own using your spent body for his own pleasure. He spills in you soon after, his mind just a little bit hazy. Ever so gently Aizawa pulls his tendril out of your mouth, drool, and his own slick trailing from your mouth as he does so. He coos as you whimper, pressing a hand over your ass to admire the way your pussy stretched to accommodate him. Humping into you a few more times before he pulls away completely. He debates for a moment letting himself disappear back into the shadows, but he hasn't been this real, this solid in so long. 

Your whimpering slices through his thoughts and before he can stop you, you're on your back looking up at him. Instinct makes him retract all of his extra limbs, making himself look half normal minus the wisps of hair that always seem to move on their own. You blink up at him for a moment body sore but satisfied and you bring your arms up to him. Aizawa is unsure, body flickering into shadows but you speak up before he can fully dissipate. 

“Stay with me” You manage to croak out, throat a little sore from the abuse you endured. You weren’t scared of him, if anything he was handsome and he'd fucked you till you were satisfied. You see the hint of hesitation in his eyes but you crinkle your nose and tilt your head cutely making grabby hands at him and he can’t help himself. 

Aizawa lays down and you curl into him on instinct, his body now warm against yours. Your fingers find their way up to his hair, giggling as the locks lace themselves with your fingers. He brushes some of your hair back and you whine as he touches at your neck. Small bits of blood pooling where he’d sunk his teeth into you. His split tongue peaks out automatically, licking it up and gently lapping at the tender spot on your neck as you whimper. 

“I get a little nuts when I'm on my own.” it's an apology, and you don’t think about why you feel safe in his arms, or why you don't question the creature laying with you, why you're not scared. Instead, you hum softly, nuzzling yourself into the crook of his neck as Aizawa lazily runs a steadily cooling hand down your back. 

“It's ok, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.” You hear yourself say and he hums into your hair acknowledging your words. A twisted smile creeping its way onto his lips as his grip tightens around you. The part of Shouta that’s fallen too deep into insanity to come back fully snickers at your words. 

As if you had a choice. 

​

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@bbygirlpastel @thewheezingwyvern

[lokiondisneyplus]

Director Kate Herron calls from her childhood bedroom. She's staying at her parents' home in Southeast London for the summer, having spent the past year apart due to the pandemic and directing her latest series, Marvel's Loki. "It's so surreal seeing the show go out," she says over Zoom, "and being in the room that I was last in as a teenager."

Loki's first three episodes have seen the God of Mischief (Tom Hiddleston) team up with Agent Mobius (Owen Wilson) and the all-powerful Time Variance Authority to track down a fugitive Variant of himself: A female Loki that goes by Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) who's set on blowing up the Sacred Timeline and, with it, the MCU as we know it.

"My dad, bless him, he was never into Marvel before, but now he's obsessed with it," she says. "When I got the job, he started watching his way through the films, and he's got all these different YouTubers that he now watches for theories, and he tries to get spoilers out of me. He's like, 'What does it mean?!' and I'm like, 'Dad, I can't tell you!' It's very sweet, but very funny."

Now, with three episodes left of the season, she's bracing for their first family viewing experience. "I might not be able to, though. I might be like, 'You have to watch it by yourselves and then we can talk!'" she laughs. "Wait to hear the Loki theme and be like, 'Oh, I can go downstairs now.'"

In the meantime, Herron fielded all of ET's midseason questions about making Loki's bisexuality canon in the MCU, flexing more of his magic than ever before and why Sylvie isn't really Lady Loki or the Enchantress.

We are halfway through the season. Outside your parents, how has the reaction felt so far?

It's been amazing. We had these big ideas in it -- like, about free will and good and evil -- and wanting to [know that] if we're going back in with Loki because he's so beloved, that it's going to be a good story for that character, but some fresh terrain. I think the response has been pretty joyous and it's just so fun seeing what people are liking, what people's theories are. I couldn't be more happy, to be honest.

Being someone who appears pretty online and active on social media, how deep are you going into reading what people say and diving into those theories and all that?

I definitely read a lot of them -- I don't comment on them -- but I used to love Lost and Game of Thrones, and I was on Reddit, commenting, like, "Ooh, maybe it means this or means this," and I think that's the fun thing with our show, right? Our fans are so smart and it's fun seeing what they're getting right and what's not right but is very interesting. The Easter eggs they dig up are always amazing to me. Some of them we put in there, and I'm like, "Well, let's see..." and I'm like, "Oh, they found it!" So, it's really fun tracking it online. It's very weird directing something where you know every frame will be [screen]grabbed by some fans because they're looking for stuff.

I loved your tweet about why it was important for you to confirm that Loki is bisexual in the show. Not really reveal -- because he's bisexual in the comics -- but make that canon. Talk to me about having those conversations with Marvel.

I think it was something very important to everyone. And I felt like, OK, how can we acknowledge this? We have aspects of the story that are there, so how do we build this into the story so it feels earned in the moment? I didn't want it to feel like we were just wedging something in, but we had this beautiful scene where these two characters are being really raw and really honest about who they are, and I was like, "Well, it is a part of who he is and who they are." For me, talking with Michael [Waldron] and Bisha [K. Ali], it just felt like it was the right moment for that line. This episode is really beautiful for me, because it's these two characters getting to know each other, so in that sense, it felt like the right place for that conversation to happen. And I thought it was done really beautifully by the writers.

Obviously, like I've said, it's very personal to me, and I said it was a small step in some ways -- because obviously, he's just talking about it -- but in the bigger scale of things, I'm like, oh no, it's massive actually. If I saw that when I was 10, it would be really big for me. It's been really nice getting comments from people online. Some people were like, "It helped me actually talk about how I feel to my family and helped me come out." And I thought, "Well, if it helped one person do that, then it's worth it."

This is the MCU's first lead character who is openly queer. Did you know that? Were you aware of how big a milestone this would be?

Yeah. Well, in some senses, yes, and in some senses you're never sure, right? Because [Marvel is] so secretive about all their other projects. [Laughs] For me, I was like, I'm telling Loki's story, it's a part of who they are and I just want to acknowledge it. It's canon in the comics and if we can make it canon in the films, that would be amazing. When I came on board, I was like, if there's a way to do this, it would mean a lot to me and, I'm sure, a lot of people. But it was very welcomed, and I think we're all very proud of how we did that.

This may be getting into spoiler territory that you aren't able to talk about, but acknowledging one's sexuality is one important part of representation, seeing it play out through relationships is another. Can we expect to see any further exploration of what it means for Loki to be bisexual in this show?

I'm trying to think how to answer your question. [Laughs] I would say in our story, this is how we acknowledge it. But I hope that that paves the way for deeper exploration.

We're halfway through the season. What were your biggest goals in these first three episodes?

I think the biggest one was obviously, the Loki we're with in this story is on a completely different path, so it was tracking his character in the sense that he basically sees this amazing arc that the other Loki had gone on across the MCU movies, he sees that he reconciles with his brother, but that wasn't him in that moment. He's watching a different version of himself. But seeing that moment and seeing that he has room for growth and change is really interesting with our Loki, because he's in a very different headspace. So, it was tracking, what's familiar about this character from the Loki that we've seen over the last 10 years go from villain to antihero? And what is going to be completely different and completely different sides to this character that we get to now dig our teeth into? That was something really important to me and to Tom and the writing team, and it was really fun unpacking that and what his identity means.

The other challenges, honestly, were just setting up the TVA, because it's outside of time and space and giving that a grounding and a reality and making that feel like a whole new exciting corner of the MCU. That was a big responsibility, and I was really excited by that. And then you have the bigger arc of the story, but you also knowing it's going out weekly on TV. So, how are we going to track this week by week. Where are we leaving the characters and what are we leaving for the audience? Something we always thought about was we knew there'd be discussion week to week, so it was like, "Where are we going to give them certain bits of information across the show?" We wanted to provoke conversation and discussion about even just things like free will, you know?

I will say about the TVA, I'm basically a human Miss Minutes stan account. I think she's the baddest bitch in the MCU. I watch every Miss Minutes fancam that pops up on my Twitter feed.

She's incredible! What I love about it is that she's in our first episode and she actually used to come out of the presentation that Loki watches -- she came out on the screen -- but it was too crazy. We were like, "OK, we can't do that in the first episode. We'll do it in the second episode!" But what I love about her is that we're seeing the TVA through Loki's eyes and it's, like, the status quo, right? And if our status quo is a Southern-talking, Roger Rabbit-style clock, the show is going to probably get quite weird. I think that's what I love about her. And obviously, Tara [Strong] is awesome. Yeah, Miss Minutes is a lot of fun.

You talked about exploring who Loki is and could be. He's always had an arsenal of powers, but in this series, you really get to explore and define what his power set is. What were those conversations like?

That was something else, coming in, I was so excited about. We have six hours of him, let's see some more magic. Because across the comics, he's super powerful, and for example, in the last episode, that's what was so exciting to me about that, the oner at the end of episode 3 was that I've seen a lot of oners but I haven't seen one with magic. So, I was like, let's put loads of magic in there! We get Loki using his telekinesis and his magic blasts and then also Sylvie, as well, and her powers.

For me, it was exciting getting to bring those in in a way that pushed the story forwards. Because I get it, when he first lands in the TVA, they can't use magic, so I know if I was watching, I'd be like, "What? No magic?!" But I think that's the fun thing is, we still have three episodes to go and also it was fun to put him on Lamentis and see him using his powers in different ways. It was definitely something important to me and the team, was to get to show a little bit more of him. But across the films, you can only do so much. Now we have six hours, so it felt like, of course we have to delve into that more.

I don't know if you saw this on Twitter, one of my favorite reactions to episode 3 was someone tweeted a screenshot of Sylvie screaming and her hands glowing and wrote, "she did the meme!!"

[Laughs] That's great!

We've now officially met Sylvie, and we're starting to piece together that this may be sort of a hybrid character of Lady Loki and Sylvie Lushton, the Enchantress. Are you able to confirm that you pulled from both to create your Sylvie? Or is that something that's to be further revealed?

I would say there's more to be delved into. One thing I would say is, like, she's different to the comics. Like, she's a unique character, but obviously, there's things that have been pulled from. I think for her character, she's on the run and she's called Sylvie and she's dyed her hair. The blonde that we associate with Sylvie is played in that sense, but it makes sense for her character within our story. But I would say deeper than that, yeah, there's more to be revealed about her character to comes.

The main thing I would say is: Lady Loki in the comics is a very different character to our character, obviously. I love that character and I think she's got a very different journey. But our Sylvie is a female Loki, in that sense -- because in episode 1 and 2, they know it's a Loki they're tracking -- but I think that's part of the discussion. It's almost like Loki -- as in Tom Loki -- he's like, "Wait, how much of my life have you got? Who are you?" And I think that's the real question is, who is she? So, we will discuss that as the show goes on. Why does she not like being called Loki? What's her past? Where did she come from?

Tom and Sophia have such great chemistry, but how challenging was it for you and Michael and Sophia and the writers to create a character that essentially has to match up with our Loki, who's had however many films to become the fan-favorite character that he is?

It starts in the writing. Because she's a unique creation, and that was exciting and I was intrigued where they were pulling from with the comics. I was like, OK, that's cool. Beyond that, I think it's casting it. Sophia is an incredible actor. I've worked with her before. She has this fire in her and she brings this amazing vulnerability to all her characters, but she's also, like, so funny. It's just, so many of these things she always brings, I was like, they're so Loki. So, I was like, "We've got to get her to read!" And we were just all blown away by her read of it.

She definitely can hold her own. That's the other thing, as well. I know her, and I was like, she will hold her own. I know she will. Because she's going against Tom's Loki and that's such the fun thing about them. Even just on the train, where it's the end of the world and Loki's solution is, "I'm going to have a party and I'm going to have a drink. I'm going to have a lovely time." And her solution is, "I'm not going to have a glass of champagne, thanks. I'm going to focus on the mission of getting off the moon." Those little differences is what's quite fun about them to me. How are they different, and how are they the same?

Was there something you got to do as a director in these first three episodes that you had never done before that you were especially excited or nervous or both to tackle?

I suppose so much of the show, right? Because I've done a lot of drama and a lot of comedy, but they were like, "Here you go! Here's the reins to this massive, genre-driven piece where you have to set up a new corner of the MCU and you're going to have this beloved character." There was a lot to carry. But I'd say in terms of something I was excited about, only because Kevin Feige was teasing me, when we filmed the big oner at the end of episode 3, I was really inspired in the writing, because it sounded like you were really with the characters. I love doing long takes anyway and I remember thinking, "Oh man, this sequence feels like the one that we should do as this oner," because I want the audience to feel like they're with Sylvie and Loki in this moment, and it's also a moment where you finally start to see an apocalypse and it feels more real, because you're seeing the horror and the terror that's going along with that.

For me, that was exciting, but the really cheesy bit that made me so excited is they had these foam rocks that fell on people, but it felt like real movie magic to me. I was so obsessed with the rocks. I was like, "Oh my god. This is like real, big Hollywood filmmaking." And I remember Kevin Feige was like, "You can take a rock home, if you want," and I was like, "Oh my god!" So I have this rock. It's in bubble wrap now, and I'm going to unpack it when I move into my place. But that's probably honestly the most excited I've ever been. [Laughs] I was just so excited by the rocks. Oh, and also, I remember when we were at Roxxcart and Tom gets thrown into those robo dogs, I was obsessed with the robo dogs. He was like, "I think this is the happiest I've ever seen you." So, those are my favorite moments on set. The foam rocks and the robo dogs.

Somebody's going to come into your flat in the future and there's going to be a shelf with just a rock and a robotic dog on it.

Mhmm! And I'll be like, "Yeah, guys, I did something." [Laughs] They'll be like, "What is this...?" But the foam rocks are genuinely amazing, because they look like real, heavy rocks, but they're so light. I was so fascinated with them. I was so excited. I made a lot of low budget stuff before this, so it was a big deal to me.

My favorite part of the first three episodes is the Kate Berlant cameo. How did that come to be?

Basically, I love comedy and my producer, Kevin Wright, does as well, and we were trying to think of people that could be fun. We've got Josh [Fadem] in episode 1, and that was a miracle. I just spoke to her about the part and was like, "This is a very small role, but if you're interested, you're very talented and you're so funny." And she was like, "You know what? That sounds really fun. Renaissance faire? Yeah, I'll come do it." So, it was very kind of her to come down and do that for us. She's so funny, man. She's so funny.

Do you let her riff at all?

We did. We have a lot of alts and a lot of very extended bits of her talking to the Minutemen. I think there's one where she talks about a bird show at the faire. She's so funny. I was very flattered and grateful that she did that for us.

I'm going to start the #ReleaseTheKateBerlantCut campaign. I want a whole episode of her alts. Or she can be the new Stan Lee and cameo in every MCU project. Before I let you go, if you had to choose one word to tease these upcoming three episodes, what is that word?

Hmm. I thought of one word, but then I'm like, it's spoiler-y, so I can't say that. [Laughs] Oh, one word. Exciting? I have to say "exciting," because I can't say the other one I wanted to say!

[gaylorlyrics]

Better Than Revenge

I’ve been seeing a few posts on this lately, so I wanted to do some analysis. The mainstream narrative of this song is that Taylor and Joe Jonas broke up (in the infamous 27 second phone call) and Joe then immediately dated Camilla Belle.

It does seem that this song is about that triangle, but rather than it being real relationships, a closer look shows that it was about Taylor’s beard being used by Camilla Belle.

Additionally, this song serves the purpose of getting more publicity for all involved in the triangle, although it definitely seems like Camilla Belle got the short stick. Joe Jonas & Taylor both got a lot of press from their break up and wrote multiple songs hinting at the details. Taylor’s first song that was alleged to be about Joe was Forever & Always.

The Jonas Brothers (except Kevin)) have always used their public relationships to bolster their careers - Miley, Selena, Taylor, and Demi. Now they incorporate their wives (”wives”) into their songs, music videos, merch, and overall marketing. Note that both Nick and Joe just happened to get married just as they were releasing their new album and staging their comeback. The use of contractual relationships has been a constant in their strategy to stay relevant. (Not dragging - I love the Jo Bros - just being honest)

"Now go stand in the corner and think about what you did."

Throughout the song Taylor infantilizes Camilla and compares the situation to a playground fight. Also Taylor loves to talk in her songs!!!

Time for a little revenge The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and... I had it all, I had him right there where I wanted him

Taylor and Joe started bearding in Summer 2008 and bearded for 3 months, July 2008- Oct 2008, a fiscal quarter. It seems like this was the first of many 3 month long contracts for Taylor (Jake, John, Connor, etc). In general this was the first highly publicized “relationship” that Tay was in, seemingly her first beard. Note that is started just after Camp Rock came out, which starred Joe and featured him and the Jo Bros on the soundtrack, and it was just before Taylor released Fearless in Nov 2008, so both were trying to maximize their press coverage and promote their respective projects.

My complete and total guess (plz feel free to correct me if I’m missing something or just totally wrong) is that Taylor wanted to extend the contract since she was releasing Fearless in Nov 2008 and was doing a ton of promo for that, and potentially thought that bearding would help? But that Joe already had the Camilla narrative lined up. Seems like it would be very beneficial for her, given how famous Joe was at the time. Idk just a thought!!

She came along, got him alone and let's hear the applause She took him faster than you could say "sabotage" The line “let’s hear the applause” indicates that that it’s all for show and a PR relationship. It sets the stage for the song as being a literal stage, a performance for an audience (the public).

I never saw it coming, wouldn't have suspected it I underestimated just who I was dealing with She had to know the pain was beating on me like a drum She underestimated just who she was stealing from My best guess on this is that it’s referring to Camilla Belle being significantly less famous that Tay, and Tay being angry that her business plan didn’t go as she anticipated. 

ALSO - Camilla Belle seemed to be a beard as well. It was rumored that Camille was with Maria Sharapova at this time and then the relationship with Joe popped up (”Waiting outside the room was a Hollywood actress, Camilla Belle. Seated inside was the world's highest-earning female athlete, a woman who has become synonymous with racket-swinging glamour, and a close friend of Belle's - Maria Sharapova”). Interestingly, this post talks about Maria specifically and her bearding.

She's not a saint And she's not what you think She's an actress She's better known For the things that she does on the mattress

Okay - this is a super cruel line. The being an actress line refers to Camilla bearding and acting straight. The mattress line is a play on words, saying - sure, she’s an actress, but she’s only known for, and famous because of, the people who she dates, i.e. “dating” Joe. Tay is saying without the contractual bearding relationship Camilla would not be known. Soon she's gonna find Stealing other people's toys On the playground won't make you many friends

“Stealing other people’s toys”?? This is one of the first times that Tay clearly objectifies the men she is supposedly in love with and talks about them as an thing that is hers to use as she likes. Other examples include “Cruel Summer” (Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price/You know that I bought it) and “Don’t Blame Me” (Toyin' with them older guys/Just to play things for me to use). Also this brings the child imagery back.

She should keep in mind She should keep in mind There is nothing I do better than revenge She looks at life like it's a party and she's on the list She looks at me like I'm a trend and she's so over it

This alludes to the cyclical nature of stardom and how people have a ton of press and a huge following, but are then quickly “over”. Taylor is saying that, by dating Joe, Camilla is able to get into parties and thinks Taylor is “over”.

I think her ever-present frown is a little troubling She thinks I'm psycho 'cause I like to rhyme her name with things

This line keeps me up at night. All I can come up with for this rhyme is “What the hell, Camilla Belle?” If you have something better please message me. But sophistication isn't what you wear or who you know Or pushing people down to get you where you wanna go They wouldn't teach you that in prep school so it's up to me But no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity

This line, honestly as well as the ones before it, clearly refers to dating someone for social status and celebrity standing. It’s about looking a specific way to social climb and gain more clout - aka bearding in order to get more famous.

Camilla went to the elite all-girls Marlborough School, speaks multiple languages, and trained in classical music - hence the “prep school” line. 

Chorus I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey You might have him but haven't you heard I'm just another thing for you to roll your eyes at, honey You might have him but I always get the last word

Even just a couple albums in, Taylor already had a name for being honest and confrontational in her writing. Here Taylor is saying that without Joe she still is relevant, and they should know that she will address the situation head on. She gets the last word in the “relationship” with this song, but she also gets the last word with the general public by building a longer lasting career, and growing her career even though she is no longer in her contract with Joe.

Chorus Do you still feel like you know what you're doing? 'Cause I don't think you do. Do you still feel like you know what you're doing? I don't think you do I don't think you do Let's hear the applause Come on show me how much better you are (so much better, yeah?) So you deserve some applause 'cause you're so much better

This directly references the Jonas Brother song Much Better, that says “I get a rep for breakin' hearts/Now I'm done with superstars/And all the teardrops on her guitar/I'm not bitter“. There are a few other JB songs that are supposedly about Tay (Paranoid for one, which has a video that randomly has some similar imagery to the Lover music video?? I don’t have time to unpack if that’s a coincidence or not.)

She took him faster than you could say "sabotage"

*****worth noting that Tay has said she regrets some things she said in this song. Slut shaming and bashing other women isn’t cool and is just doing the patriarchy’s dirty work for them!!!! Don’t do it!!!!*****

[fluffychubbyrose]

Fili x Bashful Chubby Reader. 1/?

Warnings- Slight gore and Fili from the hobbit may be more oc than some readers would like. First time writing a hobbit fanfic. Sorry if I make any mistakes on places, names, roles ect.

Shout out to @findingmyselfalone for the request! Thank you, and I hope this lives up to your hopes for this fic! I apologize more than you know for how long it has taken me to write this fic and I'm so sorry for the long wait. I've been so busy and haven't had much time to work on it, but here it is and I hope you like it!

(I of course do not own The Hobbit an Unexpected Journey, or the characters from the hobbit. Nor do I own the pictures below.)

P.s. to clear up any confusion about knowing Bilbo Baggins since him and the reader where children is because the reader is half hobbit and half human while five foot is tall for a hobbit it's normal height for a human woman. I'm prolonging the meeting between Radagast and Gandalf so they're still riding/traveling through the mountains for a while before they meet and face the giant spiders.

Gandalf recruited me to join the company for my skills as a herbalist. I was reluctant and nervous at first when he explained that I would be accompanying thirteen dwarves, himself and Bilbo. I was unsure about traveling with thirteen men I've never met before and trusting them to protect me and in turn I treat their wounds and give them medical care when needed. I was undecided still because I had planned on opening up my own herbalist shop soon, but when the place I was going to buy was bought out from under me before I had enough coin, I figured a little bit of adventure would be a good distraction from this devastating disappointment.

Luckily do to having to travel long distances to get specific ingredients to treat different ailments, I'm well equipped in travel and my black female clydesdale named Midnight is used to heavy loads and long cold roads. I'm far to tall and big to ride a pony plus she's able to carry all of my supplies and my weight which is heavier than most women of my age and stature in general. I packed her up with all the essentials I'd need for basic ailment treatments such as colds and wound care so nothing gets infected. Along with other basic necessities such as changes of clothes, my bed roll, blankets, and preserved foods enough for a month's ration including breads and the ingredients and supplies to make bread if we get the time while traveling. I also have a few pounds of various smoked meats, jams, and pickled vegetables.

Even though Gandalf assured me there would be plenty of food and to not worry about bringing any of my own, I'm used to packing food just in case I want a quick meal while collecting herbs, that way I have it with me, so by now it's habit and I won't go without being prepared just in case. After a short ride I arrived at Bilbo Baggins house and tied my horse to a tree. "Stay girl I'll be back by dawn." I've been friends with the hobbit for a long while. His mother was a like a sister to my mother, and in turn we were around each other a lot.

He knows how shy I am around new people, hell it took me a year to be comfortable and confident enough to be true to myself around the sweet mannered hobbit when we where children, and my shyness hasn't improved at all over the years if anything it's worsened. I know he has to be dreading some, if not all of these dwarves arrival so I cant help but think the worst. Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice Bilbo suddenly open the door. "Oh hello miss Y/n, I hope you weren't waiting out in the cold for long. Please, hurry inside." Bilbo lead me inside with a sigh.

"Hello Bilbo do you need any help with anything for the guests." "How did you know? What is going on here, and yes there's two men here I have never meet before and they said they expected food and lots of it. So um if you want to start cooking for me in the kitchen that way I keep an eye on the uninvited guests that would be a great help, if you wouldn't mind." " No not at all that's why I asked, and what do you mean. Gandalf said he was getting people together for an adventure, he said it was going to be him, you, me and thirteen dwarves." "Thirteen?!!" "Yes? Were you not informed about this and that we where supposed to meet here?" "No, I was not informed in the slightest." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like me to leave?"

"Oh no please stay and help me with them, the two dwarves who are currently here are rading through my pantry looking for food." "Well everything I need should be in the kitchen so I'll just sneak in there and start cooking for everyone, seeing as you weren't expecting any guests tonight so you didn't get to prepare for their arrival." "Oh, thank you miss Y/n that helps a lot." "Your welcome Bilbo." As I was about to head off to the kitchen I can hear the commotion coming from the dining room, no wonder he looks so stressed sounds like there's some bears in there instead of dwarves.

I enter the kitchen missing Bilbo trying to turn away the two dwarve princes and failing, ending up with them shoving past him into the house. It took me two hours but everything was done cooking besides the rolls and a few things need to be heated up a little more or reheated. The whole time I was cooking there was all kinds of commotion coming from the other rooms I'm assuming everyone has finally arrived. As I was getting ready to bring the food out to the dining room to be served up I hear singing. I waited and listened as best I could to the merry tune until the singing was done and then started to load dishes up onto trays, there was three in total and each tray was heavy but not overwhelmingly so.

I grabbed the first tray and started heading towards the dining room, I was shaking slightly and flushed from nerves. There was conversations throughout the room but when I walked through the door all went silent and I started to shake a little harder and it felt like my face was engulfed in flames. Trying not to let their stares get to me anymore than they already have, I started putting the dishes onto the table. I quickly exited the room without a word and avoiding eye contact with everyone. Once I reached the kitchen I let out a series of shaky breaths and grabbed another tray.

'Come on Y/n it's nothing you haven't dealt with before, you can do this. Your going to have to travel with them for a few months, so you need to get used to them being around sooner rather than later.' I can hear the conversation start back up, and when I neared the dining room again I could hear that the conversation was about me, they where mentioning my name but I couldn't make out what was being said. 'Oh no not already, I was hoping they wouldn't react like this about me and my weight.' I sigh more anxious than ever and when I come in the room this time I'm startled and surprised to be bombarded with questions from the thirteen new comers.

"Your going to be traveling with us lass?" "Should a fine thing like yourself really be going on risky adventures?" "How well can you cook?" "Oh do you need help? Let me get that." "Wanna sit next to me?" Everyone was bustling around and asking so many questions I only was able to catch a few of them. The tray I was carrying was taken from my hands before I could give an answer and I was surrounded by dwarves. "I'm Fili this is Kili and that's Dwalin, Balin, Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bombur, and the grump over there is Thorin." I was getting overwhelmed.

"Enough, leave her be!" Gandalf raised from his seat and looked over everyone. "Y/n You may seat next to me and Bilbo thank you for making and bringing the food out for our guests." "Yy-our welcome." I stuttered out, looking at my shoes. "There's one more tray of food, I'll get it real quick." I mumbled out turning back around towards the kitchen. "Oh no don't worry about that little one, Bombur go get the last tray of food from the kitchen for miss Y/n. Now sit child." The one dwarf I now know as Bombur hurried off to the kitchen while I took my seat with Bilbo on my left and Gandalf on his left, while on my right was the dwarf who tried to introduced me to everyone by telling me their names and pointing to them, I think he said his name was Fili?

'Yeah that sounds right.' Usually I wouldn't eat in front of new people because I was insecure but I haven't eaten since early afternoon and I'm starved, plus everyone is basically fighting over the food so they won't notice me. I loaded up my plate with some meat, roasted potatoes, a roll, and a slice of the vanilla cake I made. I kept my head down while Bombur placed the last tray in front of me, it was the tray with the cooked vegetables I was about to serve myself some of the boiled green beans when the blonde dwarf next to me gently grabbed my arm. I blushed brighter than a tomato and tried to take my arm back, while also trying to hide my face. "Here let me lass." His hold stayed as he set my arm by my side.

He was dishing up the green beans onto my plate for me. 'What's going on? What do I do?' He let go and gave me sideways glance and smirked at me, then continued to eat his own food like nothing happened. That was my first personal encounter with Fili whom I later found out was a dwarven prince. My first impression of him was that he was nice but a charmer and I wasn't looking to get hurt or humiliated, not again. After I finished my plate full of food I quietly excused myself and went into the kitchen to wash my dishes, and after I was done I went to the spare room I usually stay in when I visit Bilbo locked the door and put on my night clothes and curled up in the bed. 'Tomorrow the adventure starts.' We'll see where I end up from here.

-

-

(Time skip to when the pack pony with almost all of the food got spooked and ran away.)

-

-

After making camp in a dryer spot, still wet but not drenched completely from the rains. We started setting up our beds and a fire, I unpacked the persevered food I had and gave it to Bofur to make dinner for us all with. I took my bed roll and a change of clothes out of the large saddle pack and set the bed roll and clothes in a spot more secluded from everyone but still having light to see from the fire raging in the middle of camp. Now that my bed is set up I walk Midnight to the field with the ponies to graze and rest, then I can change into my dry clothes once I'm away from the rambunctious dwarves. ' I'm so tired, I used to find their loud songs and jokes amusing and pleasant but not when I haven't been able to get more than three hours of sleep in the last five days, I'm tempted to set up my bed roll by the field Midnight will be in, at least she'll be quieter than that lot.'

When I was done setting up my bed roll and finished unpacking Midnignt along with taking her saddle and blanket off, I heard dinner was ready. I ate my share of what I assumed was a type of stew with a side of sliced bread and jam spread on it. When I finished I grabbed my change of clothes and told Bilbo where I was heading and he asked me if I could take Fili and Kili their food so he could eat before there wasn't any left since I had already I ate, and of course I accepted. I simply tied Midnights lead to my waist, tucked my clothes I'm my sachel and carried a bowl in each hand and walked towards the field and pens. When I got there however both brothers where pacing and looked worried. "What's wrong?" I questioned softly.

"Oh um nothing really." Fili grumbled. "Where supposed to be watching over the ponies, and problem is there's supposed to be sixteen." Kili said quickly "But there's only fourteen." Fili sighed. "But don't worry we'll find out what happened to them and get them back." Kili finished. "What?" I gasped, almost dropping there food. Shoving the bowls of food into their chests I turn around and start taking Midnight back to camp. "Wait lass, don't go telling everyone the ponies are missing just yet, I'll get the ponies back no worries. Me and Kili saw a fire farther up into the valley, were certain that's where the ponies are."

I walked closer to camp with Midnight in tow, Fili grabbed my arm "Please lass I'm begging ya." I shook his arm off and he gave me a hurt look while I just walked her to a tree far away from the others so she would be safe. "I wasn't going to, but I think it would be a better idea to have everyone confronting these thieves." I muttered quietly. "Yes but Thorin would have my head over this, I'd never hear the end of it." "Y/n? Y/n? Are you still over here?" Bilbo shouted. "Oi she is." Kili yelled back. Soon Bilbo came out of the treeline. "Why didn't you come back to the camp? Are you trying to find herbs up here or are those two keeping you?"

"Oh good, as our official burglar, Daisy and Bungo are missing. We thought you might want to look into it." "Wait, um okay. Well it looks like something big uprooted these trees. Something very big and possibly quite dangerous." Bilbo said sounding distraught and startled. "Hey there's a light. Over here." He waved me and Kili over. "Stay down." Kili whispered. As we neared the source of the light we can hear laughter and some sort of being talking. "What, what is it?" Bilbo asked. "Trolls." was all Kili growled out making us all fall silent. Kili jumped over the fallen tree we where behind and started running towards the light source Fili ran after him, so I followed.

Bilbo went back and retrived their food they left behind before catching up to us but before he reached us a troll came out of the treeline carrying two of the ponies. Fili grabs me and pushes me down further behind the fallen tree we where hiding behind. Bilbo and Kili are behind their own tree's not to far away. The troll was walking towards where the fire is holding the two ponies under his arms. "Well that confirms that it was in fact a troll who stole our ponies, now how do we get them back undetected." Fili whispers. "He has Minty." Bilbo hisses. The troll stops and looks at our log.

Fili grabs me around my waist his hand on my soft belly and pulls me close, I'm basically nestled into his side trying to hide from the troll. I feel like my face is on fire, I gulp and try to wiggle away. "Stay still lass or he'll find us." He hissed barely audible at me. Trying to be quiet, when he looked at me and noticed my embarrassment and discomfort and yet he just smirked slightly. The troll lost interest and walked away out of site with the ponies. The coast was clear but Fili hadn't let go. He stands up taking me with him, his hand falling to my hip and giving it a slight squeeze. Bilbo clears his throat making Fili let go of me, but my blush won't fade. I have my head lowered and fiddle with my hands trying to look anywhere but the men around me, thoroughly embarrassed.

"We have to do something." Bilbo whisper shouts. "Yes you should, Mountian trolls are slow and stupid, and your so small they will never see you. It's perfectly safe, and we'll be right behind you." Kili announced clapping Bilbo on his back. "Yes and if you run into trouble whoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl." Fili finished pushing Bilbo towards the path to the trolls campsite. Fili turns around facing me and says. "Okay Y/n I need you to stay put right here so you can go and alert the others in case we need help, and if and when you do I want you to get your horse and take off for cover a ways away from camp staying safe until we come find you." "But I can help. I can stay hidden and safe but have your backs as well by shooting my bow from behind the cover of the tree's." I argued quietly and meekly. "Y/n lass I'd rather you be far away from the trolls, and the fight between us and them if it comes to that, so there's no way you can possibly get hurt."

"Alright that's fine I guess. When do I know if I need to get the others for help?" I questioned softly and unsurely. "We'll yell for ya to go get Thorin and everyone if it turns bad." Kili said. "Now go and get your horse then come back to us but don't get to close, only close enough to hear us yell and then ride your horse as fast as possible to Thorin and the company. After that you need to go hide away at a safe distance where the trolls won't be able to find ya. Got that lass?" Fili finished giving me a stern and slightly concerned look. "Yeah." I sighed out and turned around and started walking back towards Midnight.

'I'll help by getting Thorin and the company, but I won't go run and hide. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to come on this adventure.' Set with my decision I started to plan what I was going to do to help if a fight breaks out. 'I can't exactly run in there with a sword and start swinging like the dwarves will. I'm not skilled in swordsmanship at all, but I can shoot my bow and arrow and almost never miss.' 'If I can get on top of one of the ridges or hills of the valley close and above the trolls I'll have the best shot and chance of doing any real damage to the massive creatures.' I made sure the remaining ponies where saddled and loaded up with all their supplies and that they all had leads on so if need be I can attach them six together and then attach six to each side of Midnight and run them and myself to a safer location.

Soon after I retrieved Midnight I lead her back up to camp and packed everything up and saddled her and her packs up and was almost unnoticed but of course Thorin saw and walked up to me. "What are you doing lass? Shouldn't she be out in the pasture with the ponies grazing and resting. Unless there's something wrong that your not telling me?" "Trolls took four of the ponies and now Bilbo is trying to get them back from them undetected and Fili and Kili are waiting by in case he needs help."

I squeaked out so quickly I was stammering over my words and jumbling them together. Thorin let out a deep sigh pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "Well where just going to have to go and see if they do indeed need our help taking down these trolls, which I'm sure they do by now." "Come everyone and bring your weapons we have some trolls to slay tonight!" He yelled with confidence and conviction in his voice not a worry in the world about defeating these trolls.

After they raced of out of sight I finished packing up Midnight and rode towards the trolls camp, going a longer way to get up on a hill behind them. When I reached them and had a clear view it was a terrifying scene. The trolls had every single dwarf in burlap sacks up to there neck some where in a pile while the others where tied onto a roasting stick above a huge campfire being turned by one of the trolls. Bilbo was in a sack as well but he was standing and talking to the trolls. 'This is bad, very bad. What am I supposed to do now? Maybe I can shoot and aim for there eyes and redirect their attention towards me.'

I aim for the troll who started yelling something all Bilbo as he stomps towards him and the dwarves. 'Here goes nothing.' It was a perfect shot the arrow pierced the trolls eye. "Yes!" I whispered excitedly. The trolls screaming stumbling back holding his hands over his eye, the other two race up and huddle around him trying to help the other troll.

The trolls are still distracted but I know it won't last long so I shoot another arrow into the side of another trolls eye, he screams in agony and cups his face like the first. The third troll looks towards me on the hill yells something unintelligible and launges towards my hiding spot I shoot fast and miss. I shoot again and it's another miss he's almost reached me I shoot one last time and this time I puntured one of his eyes so he's blinded and distracted as well.

The third troll although partially blind is still reaching and climbing towards me. 'Time to go!' I hop on Midnight and I'm about to race off towards the other side of the hill when I hear a shout "The dawn will take you all!" 'Gandalf?' I whip my head around trying to find where he is or at least where the voice was coming from. The giant boulder to my left cracks in half and the sun from dawn shines onto the trolls turning them into stone I look on top of the boulder and there stands Gandalf. The dwarves all shout with joy at being saved.

I smile and look down towards the dwarves and start taking Midnight down the hill towards them. Once I'm down I dismount and started untying the dwarves on the ground while Gnadalf puts out the fire and unties Bilbo they start untying the dwarves on the make shift roasting stick.

Each dwarf said their thanks as I finished untying them one by one until the last dwarf to untie was Fili I was hoping one of the others would untie him because I already know he's going to be angry with me for staying and fighting in my own way when he told me to leave and hide. "So lass you where the one shooting the arrows I presume?" "Yes." I mumbled softly while untying him. Once he was free he stood with a frown on his face and signed out his nose. "I recall telling you to stay as far away as possible." "You did but if it's in my power to help then I will." I said softly but with conviction in my voice.

"That's fine and understandable when your life wasn't in danger that troll almost reached you, if Gandalf arrived and cracked that boulder even a minute later who knows what that troll would have done Y/n! You could have been killed!" His voice slowly raised and everyone was discretely listening in and watching. "So could have all of you. I'm fine and so is everyone else, I can handle myself if you didn't notice." I whisper shouted with my face heating from anger and embarrassment of being treated like I'm some foolish child. I walked off towards Midnight.

"Gandalf I'm going to retrieve the rest of the ponies I'll be back please await my return." I said meekly. "Of course child we'll be here but then we need to head off again." "Figured as such." I rode off upset and frustrated. 'I know I put myself in danger but I had no choice I wasn't going to stand by while they where possibly getting killed, or worse eaten. I thought Fili would have been at least a little bit nicer or happy that I could protect myself.' I sigh sadly and break midnight into a gallup from a trot. It didn't take me very long to reach the ponies I attach six to each side like I prepped for and start trotting them back towards everyone at the trolls camp. When I arrived Fili and Thorin where arguing.

"Thats just isn't how you go about things, I raised you better than that, and you know how to start a courtship! If your interested then start one instead of trying to boss your interest around it won't work you'll only drive them further away." Fili was about to retort but when I can into view all went silent and instead he stormed off towards the other ponies that where stolen. 'What was all that about? Why was Thorin lecturing Fili on courting? Does he have a love interest?'

My sour mood worsened slightly. 'I wonder who the lucky lady is? I knew I shouldn't have fathomed the idea of us two, it was just a silly crush there's no way a prince would be interested in a half blooded hobbit if how he treats Bilbo is any indication of how much he likes us hobbits.'

"Trolls can't travel in day light so there must be a cave near by." Gandalf announced. 'I guess that's where we'll be heading.' We rode for a short ways and where nearing the trolls cave. Once we arrived at the trolls cave the dwarves tied the ponies while I tied Midnight so they won't wander or get spooked off. Once they entered the cave a pungent smell wafted up reaching my nose from outside where I'm watching over the ponies and Midnight even from afar it was horrendous. "Whats that stinch?" One of the dwarves asks speaking my exact thoughts. "Its a troll horde, be careful what you touch." There conversation dwindles down and the further they go the less I can hear.

"Well girl I guess it's just you me and the ponies." I say as I reach into a pack and start checking her over one of her shoes came undone and her hooves need to be trimmed down some I haven't had much of a chance to tend to her hooves lately. 'Sorry my sweet girl.' I'll check the ponies hooves once I'm done with Midnight though they don't have shoes on so I'm assuming as long as there's no cracks or splitters anywhere on them they shouldn't need any work done like the annual trimming Midnight requires. I gave her some grain as a snack before I start working on her feet so she doesn't get moody with me.

By the time I trimmed and put new shoes on all four of Midnights hooves they dwarves emerged from the cave Thorin first looking incredibly angry and then the others followed last to come out of the cave was Bilbo carrying what looked with him holding it a half sword but I'm certain that its a dagger. 'Strange Bilbo would never use a weapon or even think of it, I wonder why he has that?' I'll check the ponies hooves this evening when there put in a pasture to eat and rest. "Alright let's head off where wasting daylight!" Thorin shouted. I pet Midnight as I untie her and put her reigns on packing the lead away, I then mount her stearing her towards the others whom have just finished mounting their ponies and horse as well.

Gandalf and Thorin lead the way from the cave back towards our route. I stayed behind the others still upset from what happened and what I over heard earlier that morning. We rode for hours until it was almost dusk and then Gandalf called for us to setup camp I walked Midnight to the makeshift enclosed pasture after I unloaded her of her packs and saddle except two with my change of clothes the necessities to bathe and my equipment for the ponies hooves at the stream near the pasture. I also left her saddle blanket on because it's been getting really chilly at night even though her breed is built for the cold I still worry. After she was settled with the others I went and started to check everyone's hooves before I'd bathe, they tolerated me messing with there feet well and only the two pack ponies needed some splitters filed away which only took a moment.

"Y/n I'm plenty capable of watching over the ponies and Midnight despite what happened last night, should rest lo-lass." He stuttered and a blush tinted his ears. 'What was he about to say? Sounded like he was going to call me love. But that can't be true.' I flushed slightly. "I know you can but, I wanted to check everyone's hooves and bathe by the creek." The last words coming out no louder than a meek whisper, though Fili clearly had no trouble hearing what I said by the full flush crawling up his face. He coughed "Well um alright I'll go back to camp and make sure no one bothers you, I'll come check on you periodically by calling your name from behind the tree cover over there alright, but if you don't respond back I'm coming over here and looking for ya alright lass?"

"Yeah that's fine." I squeaked out, avoiding his gaze and grabbing the packs off of Midnight as Fili walked back towards camp once he's out of view I lay a blanket down and wrap another around my shoulders and strip of my clothing using the cloth and soap I have to wash up the waters to cold to be submerged in the water fully or even partly. ' It feels so good to scrub all the dirt, sweat, and grime off its been awhile since I last bathed I know I must reak.' I sigh blissfully even though I'm freezing at least I'm getting clean.

I scrubbed my entire body except the hard to reach parts on my back, I first pulled any debris out of my hair and comes through it with my hands then I had to bend down my belly squishing up against my chubby thighs in order to wash the dirt and grease out of my hair in the creek. The bubbling creek was soothing and calming even as cold as it was, I looked around my surroundings again before dipping my whole head under to wash all the soap away. I repeated this several times until I was certain my hair was grease and grime free, yanking my head up the last time making my hair fling back I gasped in a breathe winded from the cold water.

I screamed and covered myself when a hand landed on my bare shoulder only my legs and thighs exposed until I curled them under myself and curled up into myself slightly trying to hide myself. "Y/n lass, calm down it's just me Fili I called three times and you didn't answer I didn't mean to frighten ya but you frightened me by not answering." I peaked up at Fili my face and chest flushed. I mumbled a few incoherent words, not be able to respond because of my embarrassment. 'I can't believe Fili just saw me so exposed like this, he's probably disappointed with what he saw.' "If your done washing up, and once your finished getting dressed as an apology for frightening you and be so hard on ya this morning, I'll braid your hair for you once you are done." He mumbled out with his own embarrassment showing on his face though he had a dazed expression. He walked a ways a away so I could have some privacy.

I dressed quickly I was finished bathing anyways though the interuption destroyed the calmness I was feeling it was now replaced with anxious embarrassment my heart is racing uncontrollably and my hands are shaking as I dress and put my socks and shoes on. 'I can't believe I didn't hear him call not even once, I knew he would check up on me why didn't I listen for him, it's my fault.' I packed up the dirty clothes and hung up the wet blankets so they could dry and I'll wash the clothes later. I walked towards the middle of the field where Fili was sitting with his back facing me playing with something in his hands, with the last dry blanket I had was wrapped around my shoulders.

"You never did answer if you would accept my apology by braiding your hair for you. You don't have to accept Y/n if you don't want to." "No it's alright I accept your apology and if you want I wouldn't mind you braiding my hair." I mumbled looking at my feet on dew damp grass. "Well then sit down in front of me lass." I sat down partly on my blanket as to not sit on the damp grass and get my clothes damp. I handed him my brush and tie, pulling the blanket tighter around myself still cold and embarrassed. He brushed through my hair and combed through it with his fingers if I didn't know any better I'd say he was playing with my hair, either way it felt nice I was leaning into his touch subconsciously.

He started to braid my hair in an interact design putting in small colored ribbons and dwarven embroidered metal clasps here and there. When he finished I was disappointed because I was enjoying the affectionate jester and knew that this would likely not happen again. "There you go, all done. Now before we go back to camp and get some rest since it's Kili's turn to watch over the ponies for sure by now. Let's eat, I know you left before the food was ready and if I didn't bring any down here away from those lot there wouldn't even be a drop of food left for ya."

He finished lifting up his spare coat that was lying on the grass showing two big bowls of stew and a whole loaf of bread. I turned around so I was facing Fili and just looking at the food made me realise how hungry I really was, my stomach growled loudly. I blushed and put my head down muttering a small "Thank you." "Your welcome Y/n but it was no problem really the hard part was sneaking a whole loaf of bread away." He said with a hearty chuckle handing me the stew after he tore the loaf of bread in half and set it in the bowl. He dug right in, I looked at him with appreciation and a goofy smile on my face and then started eating. 'Today wasn't so bad after all.'