#i haven't been contemplating this at all as of recent so i have no idea why deciding before it was too late was such a huge part of my drea

[eclaire-went-bam]

.

i had a dream that the doctors told me it was my final day to decide. i had to decide whether i wanted to live, or i wanted to die. i was sent back up to my room (at home). i heard a song, it was morning.

my family was all at the house, including my grandmother (she's a alive, it's just shocking because she lives on the other side of the country). they seemed really somber, but there were light pastel and muted coloured balloons everywhere and the living area +kitchen looked to be an insincere copy of a birthday. like an alien decorating one, after seeing one image of that one party backrooms floor a decade ago.

i thought it was a secret endeavour, so in my room i was sitting with a bottle of soapy green liquid and a knife, not knowing what to do. I didn't want to die, but something in my head kept telling me i had to or something terrible might happen. beside me was this black shadow of a figure with a distorted face and arms. it wasn't entirely materialised, but it seemed to phase in and out of reality and have a white swirl for a face, and moved at a low fps in a motion similar to the symbiote in that one spider-man movie. the music got louder. it was afternoon.

my mother soon came up to the room and we had a discussion about it. apparently she knew what the doctors said, but i still had no idea if the empty celebration downstairs was for me or not. she kept asking me how i was going to do it, and i told her i didn't want to, but she said when i did, to use a bottle of pepper. she seemed to not want to let me go, but knew that i had to. i asked her how pepper could possibly kill a human, but she didn't answer. i assumed if i got too much of grinded pepper in my throat i'd choke, but it still made no sense. she put it in my hands, and left the room. the music got louder. it started to sound familiar. shadows were beginning to grow and the light through the windows slowly turned a more golden.

i sat on my bed again. i felt disgust for this bottle of pepper in my hands. but moreover, i felt disgust at the room i was trapped in. the shadow man came back. but i left the room, because it started to feel more and more unfamiliar. i go downstairs. all my family is sitting away from the celebration area. i greet them. they all looked like poor imitations of my family.

i can't remember what happened. but the music was louder by the time i went upstairs. it was so clear, and it felt like an annoying whisper of varying tone and intensity riding up behind my ears. something about what happened downstairs made me want to take the peppers, so i picked them up and laid down on the floor, the exact spot i'd realised the things i percieve weren't normal when i was much younger. it was where the sun shone through the windows with a reddish gold, and it was beautiful. my time was nearly up to decide. i was laying there, wondering what this pepper would do to me. my mom came in to talk to me again. i can't recall what she said, but it was something about my father who lived out of state. she left, and i looked at the bottle again. the music was louder.

and it kept getting louder as i continued to lie there on my back, dangling it above my head. i could feel the shadow image at my back again, trying to speak to me, half-submerged in the ground. my peripherals were turning white. i kept turning the knob of the grinder, and taking a lick of some of the dust that accumulated on the outside, testing the edges of life but deeply not wanting to fall from them. the music playing was so loud, it was crashing and terrible. my ears hurt. moreover, all the uncontrolled thoughts and voices that always commented on my daily life in the back of my head were getting much louder. they were arguing amongst themselves over what was happening. one of them suddenly brought up a dream. dream? i'm dreaming. of course i know that.

but they kept arguing. they were so loud i could hear them. they were trying to overpower the music. they were so loud i could hear them past my dream. the music was trying to match their intensity.

i couldn't believe i was going to die.

then i heard a sound. a loud sound. a bang from outside my wall. from the waking world. i began to panic. i never had time to make a choice. and moreover, i knew now that i needed to wake up. i knew now that i was going to wake up. but i didn't have enough time to solve my problem in the dream. my dream self then turned to me— it was weird, because i was always first person as my dream self. when my dream self turned to "me," i was still first person as us both. my faces were scribbled over, similar to the swirlly shadow man's. moreover, i looked at myself through the ground behind me, like it was a mirror — it had become a mirror. was i that shadow? the voices stopped but the music was still getting louder.

dream me told me, amongst all the clashing of sound, that it was time to wake up, that if it had its way, we'd stay here longer. but we couldn't. it apologised profusely for not being able to figure this out in time. it begged for forgiveness. and it began to become terrified, because now we were going to be sent back to the world, unprepared. it kept saying how i couldn't go back, not alone. how much unfinished business it left behind that i now had to shoulder. that i'd never be able to handle the waking world, and it was all its fault. it then turned me around by my shoulders, crying, and i faced the darkness behind the rest of the mirror.

i woke up. the music stopped shortly after i woke up. i kept hearing loud, almost incomprehensible sorry's until they faded, too. i was laying down odd — i was straight on my back with my legs raised and crossed over eachother with a hand in my chest, as if i were reading a book. it was odd because i never slept on my back. my immediate thought was, somebody's in this room. you must pretend you're still sleeping and maybe they will not harm you.

and i did, for a while, then remembered that was silly.

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Werewolf Headcanons

I've been stalked by the guilty feeling that my Romanian Werewolf boy got a lot of backstory but not much romance or interaction. So there you have it: some headcanons featuring the ancient Beast, a post-kidnapping sequel.

Content: female reader, obsessive behavior, monster romance, mild NSFW at the end, ridiculously older yandere

You followed the gargantuan stranger back into the city, leaving the bloodbath behind as if it was just a distant dream. Admittedly, you’d expected to be dragged into some mountainous cave or an abandoned mansion, not the cozy - albeit a little dusty - apartment on a main, historical street. On second thought, he did function as a human outside of his monstrous escapades, so it made sense. “Is this your place?”, you sheepishly asked while he wiped the thick layers of blood off him. “One of them, yes”, he answered curtly. “It’s central”, you remarked, trying to make conversation. “Well, I didn’t know about it back then. It’s been a few decades.”

Your ears perked up at the words. Gazing at his features, he didn’t seem necessarily aged to you. The deep creases contouring his face felt more like a sign that he’s lived sorrows beyond most people’s comprehension. “How old are you?” You finally asked as curiosity replaced your initial fear. He abruptly stopped his movements and leaned back, brows furrowed in deep contemplation. “I’m not so sure anymore. I was born in the 80s”, he concluded. “That’s not too far back, is it?” You inquired, this time more relaxed. “80 BC, I meant. You do the math.”

He freshened himself up as you counted the millennia on your fingers, frowning in confusion. He chuckled at your intense focus, then quickly looked up into the mirror. When was the last time he smiled like this? The reflection was a foreign sight to him. “We’ll get you everything you need tomorrow”, he continued, still in a daze. What a strange idea, having someone to speak to after an eternity. And suddenly, it occurred to him just how rusted his communication had gotten: “I’m so sorry, I haven’t asked for your name once”, he said, embarrassed. “It’s (Y/N). And you are...?" Might as well introduce yourself to your benevolent captor.

The dreaded question. How did they call him back in the day? He hasn't had anyone spell it out for him, nor did he feel the need at any point to say it himself. Why would he? He hadn't anticipated meeting you. With pursed lips, he searched his mind. Eventually, from the depths or memories, from days of yore, it made its way back: "Daos."

Given your first gory encounter (where he quite literally murdered everyone else), you were surprised to find out he's otherwise a calm and polite individual. Well, he's had centuries to mature, you suppose. You've also noticed he has that rather old-fashioned chivalry to him. He's very attentive despite his stoic demeanor, and often follows with acts of service.

"You're insulting me. I can carry this myself with ease", you'll argue. "I never doubted you can. Nonetheless, it is my wish to do it for you."

As the days pass, your reluctance seems to vanish as well. In fact, you've become particularly cheeky, encouraged by his warm, unperturbed behavior. Maybe you haven't gotten the worst deal out there, after all.

"You know, you talk like an old man", you've teased him once. He was visibly taken aback by your statement, and you could discern a faint blush on his face. "Do I? My apologies, I haven't spoken to anyone in a long time. I'm not familiar with modern speech. Have I embarrassed you somehow?"

He spends his free time reading, though he will frequently take you on walks. It's an interesting affair to say the least. You can feel the curious eyes of the passersby and hear their not-so-discreet whispered gossip. You can't truly blame them: Daos is enormous even as a human. He towers above everyone else with his imposing appearance. To match, his voice is deep and coarse as a result of not using it much until recently.

The ancient werewolf is a living history book. If asked, he will narrate to you important events or details you might be curious about regarding his culture. Once, when he'd been in a good mood, he even shared fragments of his life before turning into a creature. He'd been a high-ranked Dacian warrior, spending his days training or fighting. He still remembers the flag he carried with bitter fondness, yet another irony to his fate: a wolf-headed serpent. It was meant to showcase their way of life; barbarians with no fear of death. They'd greeted the Roman Empire with nothing but a sword and a shield, no shred of doubt.

He might've been betrayed by his people, but the pride remains. The pride of a soldier who's never known defeat. You learned quickly that his beastly form doesn't count as a significant change by any means, save for appearances. The man has brute strength even as a human. You'd once strayed from his view, and a stranger approached with a daring whistle, gawking you up and down. Before you could react, Daos clawed him by the throat. You heard the twist of the skin and the creak of the bones giving in to the immense pressure of his large hand.

"It's the second time I have exposed you to such unpleasant sights", he said, discarding the body as if it was any other garbage. "Forgive me, but I will not have you disrespected like this."

He is very much aware he's taken you away from the world out of his own selfish desire. The fact that you accepted it is more than he could ever ask for. That's what he keeps telling himself, even as his eyes wander to your lips whenever you speak. Or as his hand lingers a moment too long against the curve of your back. Or as he hungrily takes in your scent whenever you're nearby.

He might be unhealthily possessive of you, but Daos will never do anything against your will. No matter how obvious his urges are. In fact, no amount of flirting or teasing will shake his resolve. You will have to be very direct with your approval.

Once the reality settles in, he'll become extremely affectionate, bordering on obsessive. To think he could have you in every way possible. Oh, he's waited thousands of years for you. All the suffering, the loneliness, the anger, they're stripped of any meaning now that he has you.

The city strolls at an awkward distance have since become a habitual excuse to hold your hand and show you off to the mortals. The quiet evenings of passing time with a book now include your merely noticeable weight cuddled into his lap. You didn't expect him to be this adoring. Being touch-starved for millennia counts as one reason, naturally, but there's more to it, so much more. And it all leads back to you.

He is a little taken aback when you ask him to do the deed in his werewolf form. "Don't be foolish. I can't overcome my instincts as well when I'm a creature. I could harm you", he'll lecture you. "Besides, you can barely take it as it currently is", he'll add, smirking at your baffled expression. It seems he's picked up on your cheekiness.

After a lot of pleading and waiting for the right moment - when he's ravaging you in a daze - he finally agrees. True to his word, his tune instantly changes. The tender hold turns into a desperate grasp sinking into your skin, and the thrusts become irregular, almost frantic. His drool cools your burning cheeks as you hold onto the coarse fur, feverish and overwhelmed.

His golden eyes rest on the small human squirming underneath him, and suddenly, he can't help but notice: you have the perfect birthing hips.

[kpop]

K-Pop Spotlight: DAY6

Come one, come all to a K-Pop Spotlight that is sure to dazzle and delight ’til the final curtain. This week, all eyes are on DAY6 following the release of their eighth mini-album, Fourever, and brand new title track, "Welcome to the Show." We caught up with the band to discuss their goals as they approach their 10th anniversary and their ever-growing connection to their fans through their music. Check out our full interview below!

Tracks like “Welcome to the Show,” “The Power of Love,” and “Get The Hell Out” seem to have very different themes. Can you tell us a little about how these songs relate to each other and what aspects make this album cohesive?

SUNGJIN: As we pursue the idea of being a 'band that sings every moment,' it seems like our albums, including the recent one, prioritize diversity in songs and situations rather than unity. Consequently, our albums contain various genres and narratives. However, there seems to be a commonality in most songs, depicting situations that everyone has either gone through or might experience.

Young K: First and foremost, I would say this album is a compilation of the best songs we could create. There's definitely a theme of love running through it. "Welcome to the Show," "The Power of Love," and "Get The Hell Out" all talk about the concept of love.

What goes into creating titles for DAY6 songs and albums, especially those that don’t come directly from your lyrics? Do you find it hard to condense the intentions and themes of a song into a title?

Young K: While there have been cases like that, all the songs on this album came from the lyrics. Sometimes, when choosing a title, we select the one that best describes the song—other times, we choose to give it a twist or make it more intriguing.

WONPIL: Naming songs involves a lot of deliberation. We often contemplate which title will catch the eye and capture the song's essence. Usually, we try to take it from a verse in the chorus. This can be a challenging part of the songwriting process.

Is there a creative project you’ve always wanted to work on but haven’t gotten the chance/found the time?

SUNGJIN: I'm very curious, and have a principle of "trying to experience as much as possible." There are so many things I want to try musically and personally, especially among the things I know but haven't tried yet.

DOWOON: I hope we can have a song that we can collaborate on with My Day, like a choir.

What does your work/studio setup look like? Where do you feel the most creatively inspired?

DOWOON: We try to keep the studio as tidy as possible and make it comfortable for practice sessions.

WONPIL: When working on songs, we talk a lot. We get inspiration from little conversations, joking around, sharing stories, and listening to music from various eras regardless of genre while giving opinions. We also try to build emotional connections with the songs. There’s a lot of communication going on. The songwriting process takes place in the studio of our long-time collaborator, composer Hong Jisang, with whom we've been working together since our debut.

How do you want to evolve as a musician/producer?

Young K: I want to be eagerly anticipated and awaited as an artist. Without those who wait for us, we wouldn't release or even step onto the stage. So I’m always thankful for My Day.

WONPIL: My biggest goal is to make good music for My Day and the public, so I think I'll continue to ponder. When working on songs, I pour my sincerity into them. I constantly strive to express this sincerity musically, fully capturing the emotions I want to convey. I hope to create songs that can still be listened to even after 10 or 20 years.

Design your own Tumblr blog: choose an aesthetic, a blog name, and would you be a frequent poster or lurker?

SUNGJIN: I think I’ll use it to catch up on friends' updates. For the blog name, THUMB BLUR sounds good to me. I might end up being a lurker who never posts.

DOWOON: Maybe a blog for plants? I think I'll post it like a diary.

Want more DAY6? Check out their new mini album Fourever and the music video for the title track “Welcome to the Show,” both out now!

[sleepykye]

If requests are open, I wanna req Muichiro x reader who often gets lost ! And probably at some point, she was gonna visit Muichiro but got distracted at something then... she's lost.

Yes ! They are open ! And I really love your idea. I've been running out of ideas as to what I should write recently. But now I know, thank you for requesting this ! 💙😆

| You get lost on your way to muichiros mansion |

The Demon Slayer headquarters falls in slumber as the glorious night sky rises, painting the heavens with stars gleaming in its cloak of darkness alongside with the crescent shaped moon gloriously ruling above them. Other than by the roaring sound of the forest farways, the Mist Hashira is still training. Alone, he trains with the silence and his mind becomes one with the blade he moves in fluid movements. The nocturnal hour is the perfect time for him to concentrate.

His concentration was broken off when your kasugai crow perched on his shoulders. Its beak holding a letter, muichiro instantly recognised the crow and greeted it, before taking the letter from its beak. Inside, the letter wrote-

__________________________________________

Dear muichiro, I have decided to visit your mansion tomorrow to check up on you ! I will come at 10am sharp. Thank you for taking your time to read this letter. And have a nice night.

Signed by yours truly,

Y/n.

__________________________________________

Muichiro smiled at the thought of you coming over to his mansion tomorrow. He was contemplating if he should write back and state that he has approved of your visit. But while he was wondering, your kasugai crow already flew away to return back to you.

He later on forgot about the idea of writing back and continued on training as usual. And after he did, he just went and took a shower before sleeping.

The next morning, you woke up at 8 am . Okay you slept in a little and woke up at 8.05 am-

But that didn't stop you from remembering that you were gonna visit muichiro ! You quickly got up and changed out of your clothes. You were confident that you weren't going to get lost, not this time !! Hopefully....

You skipped your way to muichiro's house, following the path while humming to yourself. Thoughts started flooding into your mind as you think to yourself, " I haven't seen muichiro in so long... I wonder how is he doing..." you were being worried about his wellbeing until, something caught your eye.

You walked towards the field of flowers that caught your eyes. You didn't see these at all when you visited muichiro last time, did they grow because it is spring ? You thought to yourself. You explored the field of flowers and you noticed the way the sun reflects off the flowers and the smell the flowers gives off. It was relaxing...

Some time has passed, it was already 10 am. Muichiro has gotten worried that you may had gotten lost again because you always get lost. He set off looking for you. He was very worried as you may have gotten kidnapped ? You may have injured yourself on the way ?

The thoughts slowly got worse as the number of possible scenarios he is thinking of is becoming worse and worse.

Meanwhile... while you were admiring the flowers, you suddenly remembered " Ah...I forgot I had to visit muichiro " As you looked around, your mind went blank thinking " Where the heck am I...." Your surrounding area was all just flowers. You were lost.

Suddenly, a pair of hands covered your eyes, you were shocked at first but eventually knew who it was. " Ah !! Muichiro !! " you said grinning with your eyes still covered.

"Idiot...you know I was worried about what may had happened to you ? " wall all he said before turning you around and giving you a kiss on the forehead. "Now come on, let's go. ," he said before carrying you to his mansion.

[polarpace]

a starless clan protag headshots

i've been really invested in the current arc, and after reading thunder i was excited to set aside some time to test out my designs for the protagonists! these aren't necessarily my final designs for them.

recently i've been wanting to take my art in a bit more of an exaggerated cartoony direction, inspired by watching a bunch of early 2000s cartoons lately (can you tell which one inspired these particular drawings? XD). warriors might be a bit of a weird muse for that, but i can't turn down the opportunity to draw some cats!

nightheart's basically an off-black version of my firestar with hair. i still need to actually draw my firestar design, but i know what i want, so i based him off of that. the hair is just because i thought it'd be funny. i'm not too sure about his eye marking though; i give most of firestar's kin some kind of stripe coming from their eye, but i might change how nightheart's looks. something to experiment more with!

frostpaw is based on what i have in mind for curlfeather - again, haven't drawn curlfeather, but i have a pretty decent idea of what she looks like. lots of little curls incorporated throughout her design. she's also all gray to me but still a colorpoint, and has three little "freckles" on the left side of her face. i'm contemplating whether or not i want to give her a TNR ear notch in the final design.

sunbeam is probably the wildest of these three, at least in my opinion, and the one i'm probably not going to change too much because i like that about her. i don't remember exactly what inspired me, but i came up with the idea of her having a single eye with dark sclera months ago and it's stuck in my mind since. idk, maybe i just thought it would make the diamond marking pop a bit? she also only has eyelashes on the eye with yellow sclera. her back marking is a sun and the white beneath it represents a ray of sunlight.

i also had extra space so i made a doodle making fun of sunbeam and the traveling cats eating a corndog from sky. the fact that nightheart brought it up again in thunder to be sad about how he's away from her cracked me up. warrior cats eating human food and being astonished is really funny to me.

[lover-of-mine]

“Anon who straight up spoiled the loft scene for me last week, can you come back with your thoughts for the rest of the season? I'm curious to see your line of thought and I'm so sorry I doubted you 🩷”

i don’t know if you mean me or not but i DID send you a message recently about how the buddie loft scene could parallel the bucktommy loft scene… i’m shocked that i was sort of right honestly 😭

i know it wasn’t an exact parallel but… the dark warm lighting?? the soft discussion?? the Moment (kiss/hug) in the exact same spot between the table and island?? tommy/eddie leaving with advice to call eddie/tommy?? the final shot of buck letting out a sigh of relief??

gotta be on purpose surely??

i haven’t had the chance to think about the rest of the season yet lmao but in my opinion, last nights episode wasn’t bad for buddie i don’t think? there were lots of lines that could be revisited in the context of canon buddie if they choose to go there, like bobby’s advice, the catholic guilt, “i wish i could help” lmaooooo. and the interviews too! ryan basically saying women are all eddie knows but he thinks eddie will start exploring what he doesn’t?? lou saying it was meant to be eddie/tommy?? so queer eddie was/is on the table, the writers can see that a queer arc would lend well to his character/storyline just like we can??

slightly unrelated, but people are already saying that ryan is against kissing boys lol so that’s why it was bucktommy instead… 1. we definitely know that’s not true and 2. he’s right that a queer arc wouldn’t fit eddie right now? starting s7 he was with a woman but buck was single, so it made sense to be buck even though i wish with every fiber of my being that they had still gone with eddie haha

idk i’m always gonna be hopeful for buddie until the series finale and even then i’m still gonna ship them (save me fix it fics). but i do not understand people closing on buddie, it really feels like they’re keeping the possibility more open than they ever have before for their relationship to change in the future ❤️

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is you because I think that was the only ask I got about the loft scene paralleling the Bucktommy kiss and I legit was like "dude the anon was right" and had to race here to check kspsksoaksokas I really didn't think they were gonna be as on the nose as they were but they really were and I'm still ???? about because the whole you're not sure of your feelings thing with Maddie and everything with Tommy, Buck still not knowing what he wants but the VERY obvious parallels between both scenes are gonna drive me crazy lol please come back and tell me the thoughts once you figure them out, I'm genuinely curious to see what you think because you did get the vibe right and vibes are the thing that keep confusing me tbh

And honestly, Ryan acts like his main purpose in life is to be allowed to get paid to make out with Oliver, what do you mean he doesn't want to kiss boys? I don't think switching this arc around would work as well as it does for Eddie, I think realistically, freshly single Eddie would be a lot more freaked out if a guy he's known for a few weeks just kissed him, I don't think the progression we are seeing with Buck would work the same way because Eddie sexuality is set up differently, Buck has always been more casual about the physicality of a relationship, we literally haven't even seen Eddie kiss someone besides Shannon until last night. I know it wouldn't be a direct one on one switch, but I think letting Buck figure out with someone else's help while letting Eddie think about what it could mean for him that Buck is a guy and he's dating a guy, and he's dating a guy Eddie has a lot in common with that could get Eddie to be like "huh, maybe they do have the right idea" and look into the possibility of him being attracted to men on his own will makes a lot more sense, if that's the thing direction this is going. It was the impression I got from Eddie's contemplative *huh* upon finding out Tommy is gay, because considering how the show established how similar Eddie and Tommy are, to have Eddie be a little "oh i didn't know this was an option for us" even more since they are finally adding the religious trauma angle to canon, like, we knew, but good to know Eddie knows now too, could lead to something interesting. It's like we've all been saying, Buck's needs to figure out he's into men but Eddie needs to figure out he's into Buck. Buck is already there, and Eddie could trip into the realization whenever they want him to. Dude has been there ever since the end of season 5, Eddie knows how to soul search, he just needs the right trigger. This might be it. This feels like it could be it. It's getting too close to the point for them not to get there. All I know is I will be on the boat until the show ends and then stay on the boat because what if there's a revival and they suddenly decide it's time to make them canon yk? No one will ever take the hope away from me.

Also, thank you for coming back 🩷🩷

[questioningwriter]

(I'm not dead, I promise! But I did recently start my job, which has sporadic hours, so I haven't had time to write. But I finally got this finished and I wanted to post it, because I promised it weeks ago. Hopefully the next one will come sooner.)

Edit: I'm an idiot, who forgot to link everything. Fixed it.

Morally Grey Pt 3

Part 1 Part 2

TW: Imprisonment, obsessive behavior, Mentioned no-con drugging

The press was having a field day with this, Superhero mused as he stood at the podium, the other hero's standing behind him. It wasn't necessary, but none of them knew that.

“-I can assure you, we will find Villain, and put him back where he belongs.” Superhero finished addressing the media, but before any of the hero's could leave, there was a shout at the back of the crowd.

"You liar!" Everyone turned to the shout, and there were screams as Other Villain burst from the crowd, gun in hand. "I know you did something! What did you do with Villain?"

"I can assure you that I have no idea what you are talking about." Superhero said smoothly. "I had nothing to do with Villain's disappearance."

"Bullshit!" Other Villain yelled. "You were the last person to see him. You were the one who he was going to meet, I know it! Where is he?"

Superhero stepped back and his team came to flank him. "For the last time, I had nothing to do with Villain's disappearance!"

"Then how did you know?" Other Villain snarled. "How did you know that Villain was missing?"

"...Because the prison called us about their disappearance?" Superhero said. "And it's all over the news? The whole reason we have to have his press conference in the first place?"

Other Villain floundered, which gave the officers time to sneak up behind them. But before they could be caught, Other Villain blasted them back with his power, then turned to Superhero. "I'll prove you were the one who did something to Villain!" He pointed his weapon at Superhero. "I swear it!"

With a dramatic swirl of his cape, he was gone. Superhero turned to his team. "Get everyone to safety." He ordered. "I'll start putting out the feelers to find both Villain and Other Villain. It's more important now than ever to figure out where they went."

The team did as he asked. Superhero watched them proudly for a moment before turning and leaving. Such obedient puppets.

He quickly changed out of his hero costume in the back room, then left. On the way home, he made several calls and made sure his spies in Villain's organization were ready to fake his Villain's death. He contemplated taking out Other Villain at the same time. Make it look like the two were working together, and something went wrong.

Arriving at his house cut off his thought process. Pulling into the garage, he got out and went inside his house. Looking around, he walked to the basement door. Unlocking all six of the locks on the door, Superhero went downstairs.

When Superhero had purchased the house, he found that the former owner had converted the basement into an apartment, complete with it's own bathroom, so that someone could rent the room, and the previous owner could have a second income coming in from the tenant. Over the years, Superhero had had no need for it, so it had been left to gather dust.

Until today.

His guest stood from his place on the bed as Superhero entered.

"Where the fuck am I?" Villain snarled. "What did you do?"

~

"Villain, sweetheart." Superhero said happily, as if they were discussing the weather. "I'm glad to see you're awake. How are are you feeling? Did the drug give you a headache?"

Villain glared at his lover. "Don't pull that bullshit with me." He snapped. "Where the hell am I? What the fuck did you do?"

Superhero's smile waned. "Villain, why don't we sit down to discuss this?" He said.

"No." Villain backed away from Superhero's reaching hands. "Don't touch me. And, while you're at it, let me go."

Superhero sighed. "Sweetheart." He soothed. "Please just listen to me. Aren't you even a little bit curious as to why I did this?"

Villain hesitated. Truth be told, he was a little curious as to what drove the crime-fighter to this point. They broke their own moral code by kidnapping Villain. He was curious as to lovers enemies motives.

"Alright, I'll bite." Villain sat back down. "Why am I here?"

"It's simple." Superhero sat down next to his ex-partner. “Because of our last conversation as lovers.” He answered. “You told me it was either you or them-”

“-and if you picked them, I would never see you again, at least not in the sense of lovers.” Villain cut him off. “What does that have to do with you kidnapping me?” 

“Well. I made my choice.” Superhero took Villain's jaw in a bruising grip. “I choose option three.” 

"Did you know that the same day you escaped prison, a hospital exploded?" Superhero asked. "Unfortunately, a lot of people died that day. It was a tragic accident, but I saw a way to spin it to my favor."

"I planted signs that you were behind it. Little things, like your symbol painted on a still-standing part of the building. camera footage placing you there, a few hours before the explosion happens. All things that sign your metaphorical death warrant.

Throughout Superhero's speech, Villain's face had gotten paler and paler until it was almost completely white. "You're a monster." He breathed.

"The other heroes think you blew up the hospital." Superhero continued like Villain hadn't spoken. "You are not safe anywhere beyond this house. I have made sure of that." 

Villain's face was drained of color. "You're crazy." He whispered. 

 "Crazy in love with you." Superhero joked, but quickly grew serious. “Villain, I am only trying to give us both what we want - each other. I love you, more than anything, and I want to be with you.” He reached out and took his boyfriend's hand. “You gave me an impossible choice the last time we were together. Either I choose you, or I choose my team.” 

“I remember.” Angel said tersely.

“I knew I could not abandon my team.” Superhero continued like he had not spoken. “They needed me, and so did the public.” He reached up to cup Villain's cheek. “But I need you.” Superhero pulled his hands back. “And the world doesn’t need you like I do.” 

Villain’s eyes widened. Jumping from the bed, be backed away. “No, I will not be caged.” He snarled. “I won’t let you keep me here.” 

“I don’t expect you to.” Superhero told him. “What I expect is for you to fight. I expect escape attempts. I’m even expecting you to try to kill me.” I leaned forward. “None of which you can do without your power.” 

His eyes narrowed. “You can’t steal my power. It’s impossible.” 

“No.” Superhero admitted, “but I can block it.” 

Villain didn't have the chance to run before Superhero was lunging to grab him. Getting ahold of the criminal, Superhero injected him with a sedative, and Villain blacked out.

`

Villain woke up to weakness. Weakness so strong it was hard to move. And an emptiness where his powers usually were. It was an effort to lift his head to meet his captors eyes. 

"Villain.” Superhero spoke calmly, like he was talking to a wild animal. “Villain, sweetheart, can you hear me?” 

“Fuck you.” Villain slurred. Superhero’s gaze hardened. Villain thought that the hero was going to hit him, but he just turned away.

"The weakness will wear off soon." He said. "Unfortunately, I could not prevent it from happening completely, but I was able to decrease its effects." He messed with something out of Villain's vision. "This apartment is fully furnished, and has everything you will need to survive." He smiled at me. "You'll be safe here."

"If by safe, you mean trapped here as your prisoner, then yeah, I'm totally safe." Villain snapped, fighting to stand. "Guess what, Supes, I'm not going to stay here complacently, I'm going to fight this with everything I have in me. And when I strike, it will leave you crumpled in the dust." 

Superhero laughed. "Good luck." He left, leaving him in his prison.

[ticklepinions]

Welcome to another episode of am I an asshole or just aroace.

Recently I've been in a situation where I've contemplated my sexuality a lot. My best friend has been telling me all about their dating escapades and honestly I'm a bit over it. Obviously as a friend I want to support someone I care about, but I just get into this mood I can't really explain??? I get so disinterested and even feel a bit hurt in a way. So ofc I do some reflecting and I think I found an answer.

A lot of my friendships with people ususlly looked different when they were romantically involved with someone. They would obviously need to prioritize their romantic partner, but sometimes I felt discarded. And i feel like we don't talk about that enough. I mentioned it a bit in my other post but to be pretty much replaced by someone you only know for a short amount of time feels some typa way. And I get it- I won't be priority #1 and I'm okay with that. But I feel like sometimes, men especially, have this toxic idea that their partners become their everything. And in turn, (in my case at least), pay less attention to their friends since their partner is now their sole support system.

So I think there's this small voice in my head telling me that when my friend(s) do find a partner, I'm just gonna be cast aside. I would be absolutely elated if my friend did find someone though, i just know for myself it would be an adjustment.

I feel like loneliness for an aroace person hits a bit different. Especially as I'm getting older, and seeing all of the people I know get into relationships, get married, and/or having kids. My family always asks when I'm going to get a partner (I haven't and probably couldn't come out to them safely). So many times I've been told I haven't found the "right person" or my aroace identity is "just a phase". And it's just gotten so old and bothersome at this point.

I can't even discern what thoughts are my own or the internalized aro/acephobia thats been deeply entrenched in my mind. I feel like I'm trapped in a state of just not knowing. And i get it, I have time, I can discover a different identity that makes more sense for me. But I don't want it!? I feel the most myself being asexual and aromantic (i think!). It's just that having to explain why or justify my existence is getting so exhausting. The way platonic love is just automatically pegged to be the least of all the other loves is just so sad to me.

I know about qprs and honestly they sound pretty dope but idk I might just end up with this loneliness eating away at me. The relationship I'd want with a person just seems so niche and unrealistic. I'm just real tired of living up to others expectations in every sense possible. Tired of not being enough. Tired of being stuck in this in-between of caring so much but not at all.

and I shouldn't have to feel like I have to be in a relationship of any kind to be whole 😩. But I think for myself I'd want it? But not the way society has envisioned it y'know?

[a-queer-seminarian]

So I have a somewhat technical theological question for you based on a post I saw recently (I think it was one of yours or you'd commented, but not 100% sure) and am hoping for your insight on it. On the post I'm thinking of, it was mentioned that in some denominations of Christianity, Judaism is seen as a sister religion that is still valid by God, as he has kept his promise to the Jewish people. I've also encountered the idea that Jews will get a "second chance" to convert during the end times. Would this still apply to a Jew by choice who was baptized and raised Christian? Or would that person be considered an apostate/be seen as having turned their back on Jesus and salvation?

Hey there, anon! Thank you for the question. Sorry my response is long lol, but this is a complex and extremely important topic!

Also, for future reference for you and others, I prefer to receive any asks that aren't specifically about me or seminary stuff over on my broader blog, @blessedarethebinarybreakers.

____

I do indeed have a post over on my other blog about how Jewish people already have a completely fulfilling relationship with God.

This viewpoint is one I have learned from Christians who seek interfaith relationship with Jewish persons.

For instance, Barabara Brown Taylor expounds upon it in her book Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others, which I highly recommend for Christians who are seeking to understand how to respect persons of other faiths while being committed to their own. I've got a tag with passages from Holy Envy that you can start out with to see if you're interested in the whole book :)

I've also been deeply enriched by the perspectives of Jewish persons like New Testament scholar Amy Jill Levine — I have tons of passages from her here — and Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg, whom you should totally follow if you have a Twitter. (See also the couple of great threads from her I've shared here on tumblr)

That viewpoint is completely contrary to the other one that you bring up — that at the End Times, Jews will have a "second chance" to convert. That viewpoint is all too common in Christianity, and it causes real harm to Jewish people here and now.

In this viewpoint, back in Gospel times, the Jewish people rejected Jesus as their messiah. In this viewpoint, Jewish scriptures — what Christians unfortunately dub the "Old Testament" — foretell Jesus as the messiah, so in "rejecting him," basically they've completely misread their own scriptures.

...To tell a people group they have their own scripture wrong is...condescending, to say the least.

Another problem with this viewpoint is that in order for the Jewish people to "reject" Jesus as messiah, they'd have to have considered him a contender in the first place...and they didn't! Jesus just isn't relevant to Judaism.

This is a bad comparison (because Hindus in my cultural context at least don't go around doing this kind of thing the way Christians do lol), but to try to help make the point, if say, a Hindu told me I've rejected Shiva, I'd be like...I haven't? Shiva's just not relevant to my life. How can I have rejected a deity that I've barely contemplated??

Many Christians who believe that all Jews (and/or all non-Christians) will have a last chance to convert to Christianity / accept Jesus as Lord etc. genuinely believe that this is a kind and respectful viewpoint. I used to think so, too! It's only been through listening to Jewish persons and other non-Christians that I've come to understand how it perpetuates Christian supremacy (after all, it implies that Christianity is supreme, that all good people should and will one day become Christian).

An extreme version of this viewpoint that's common in white evangelicalism is that a widespread conversion of Jews is one of the signs (or catalysts?) of the End Times. These Christians make converting Jewish people a priority. Historically, this has brought horrific violence upon Jewish communities, and that continues to this day.

So yeah, TL;DR: the Jewish people can't have a "second chance" to become Christian because, 1) there was no "first chance,” no time the whole Jewish people “rejected” Jesus and/or Christianity; and 2) they don’t need a “second chance,” since they already have a valid and fulfilling relationship with the Divine.

_____

Finally, to answer the last bit of your question about the End Time fate of someone baptized & raised Christian and converted to Judaism:

I totally understand if you are worried about that either for yourself or someone else in your life. The Christian supremacist ideas about who "needs" that kind of "second chance" are deeply ingrained in a lot of us, and take a long time to fully unpack! So whatever your beliefs are, current or future, about the End Times and heaven and all of that, I hope you can find comfort in this:

God's compassion is infinite, beyond any human compassion. If you or I as human beings could imagine having mercy on such a person, so much more for God!

A lot of Christians, especially white evangelical Christians, put a lot of their focus on the End Times and the world to come — but if you take some time to revisit Jesus's own ministry, you'll notice how little he brings up the world to come. He's much more focused on bringing liberation here and now. Same goes for the prophets before him, from Moses to Amos to Isaiah. God's will is for our flourishing here and now — on earth as it is in heaven.

So as far as possible, I believe it's often most fruitful to put aside end time talk and thoughts about some abstract afterlife — to pay more attention to what's going on right now, in your little corner of this beautiful planet. What injustices would Esther, Jeremiah, Jesus be calling out? Who are the mighty who need to be cast down from their thrones, who are the oppressed in need of empowerment, and how can I, you, we participate in that? That's where our focus needs to be. When it comes to what comes next, we can rely on the compassion of the God who created us not for suffering, but for flourishing, not for punishment, but restoration.

____

Further Reading:

Reminder about the Holy Envy book quotes on respecting non-Christians

And again with the Amy Jill Levine quotes link

My antisemitism tag on my other blog is full of stuff to help Christians recognize where we are failing to love our Jewish neighbors as ourselves. This post in particular is a good starting place.

And this post is also a good place to start, with ideas for avoiding or uprooting supersessionism (the idea that Judaism was made irrelevant by Christianity) in your Christian beliefs

A really old post where I talk about the idea of the "end times" a bit more

I forever love this quote about letting go of both our fear of punishment and desire for reward

On that topic, here's my post on why I think the idea of hell is a human idea, not a divine one — and how that ties to the movement for prison abolition here and now

And here's my tag for stuff about, like, the afterlife, heaven, hell, etc. in general

If you're accustomed to reading the Bible through a lens of "if it's in the Bible, it's God's will," you might be interested in seeing another framework option.

[bteezxyewriter12]

Love Motel/ 2

Pairing- Changkyun x Named Reader

Word count- 5.3k

Includes- Oral, fingering, pussy eating, face fucking, hair pulling, marking, sex from behind, tummy bulge, multiple orgasms

Tag list- @90s-belladonna @mingtina

@direitobulando @chansbabydoll

@anthropologymajorkpopmultistan

Series Masterlist

J POV

Getting out of the car, I follow him inside the motel

He waves to the receptionist, grabbing a key card that's on the desk

"Come here a lot?", I ask

"No. Why?"

"Well uh she had the key card out for you already. You didn't even pick a room or anything"

"I told you my friend owns this place. The top room is his best room and he reserves it for friends. I know where it is and I know what the card for the room looks like. It was already out so clearly he called and told her someone was coming"

"Oh", I say, "Have you been here before then?"

"A few times when I was younger. Not any time recently"

So does that mean he doesn't have sex or he just brings the girls to his place?

I do know that I shouldn't ask him that

It's too personal and this is not a personal thing we have going on

We get in an elevator and he presses the button for the 8th floor

Silence ensues as the elevator goes up

For me it's awkward but he looks like it doesn't bother him at all

Maybe this isn't such a good idea

I'm contemplating on backing out when the elevator dings and the door opens

I stand there for a second then decide, once again fuck it and I follow him out

There's only one door at the end of the hall

He takes my hand, surprising me and leads me to the room

He flashes the key card at the lock, it turns green and he opens the door

I walk in, looking around the room as he turns the light on

I'm surprised at how clean the room looks

Spotless

It looks like a normal motel room with a desk and chair in the corner, a couch by the window, a tv on the wall opposite the bed

And the bed?

Fucking huge

Night stands with lamps on either side

A huge closet across from the windows by the door

Another door is open by the closet and I assume it's the bathroom

This is a big room

Must be expensive

"Hey", he says, taking my hand and turning me around to him, looking up at him

Jesus he's tall

"I just wanted to tell you, I'm clean. I get tested regularly. I don't have anything"

Oh shit

I didn't even think about that

"When was the last time?", I ask

"Three weeks ago"

"You haven't slept with someone in three weeks?"

I find that hard to believe since he looks like a fucking god

He snorts, "No Joanne. I'm not a kid anymore. I don't just fuck anyone. I'm picky"

Oh shit, he's picky and he picked me?

Over Milena and Saeyan?

That blows my mind

And I have no clue what to say to it so I just ignore it

"I'm clean too. I uh...was tested after my boyfriend and I broke up. That was like seven months ago"

"And you haven't had sex in seven months?", he gapes

"I'm extremely picky", I answer

He comes closer to me, smiling, "Guess that means I'm extremely lucky"

I blush looking down, "Guess so. But I haven't slept with a mob boss before"

He takes my hand, the gesture making me look at him

"Don't be scared", he says, "I won't hurt you"

I am nervous but I nod anyway

I'm not sure I believe him

He lies for a living so he could be lying to me

But when I look into his eyes, there's a sort of softness there

And honesty

Maybe he is telling the truth

He leans down to me, softly pressing his lips to mine

The second his lips touch mine stars blast in my vision

Holy shit

His mouth moves against mine, his tongue licking my lip

Opening my mouth, I let him in, pressing my tongue against his

Jesus Christ he's an amazing kisser

I'm actually shocked he's kissing me

I though he only wanted sex

I thought he'd take my clothes off, throw me on the bed and do whatever he wanted

He seems like the rough, get right to it type

I should stop thinking

I like kissing him and I don't want to ruin anything

Pushing all thoughts out of my head, I continue to kiss him, focusing on his full soft lips against mine, his wet tongue against mine

His arms move around my body, pulling me closer to him and I go willingly, sliding my hands up his chest, wrapping around his neck

His hands move under my shirt, chills running up my back when his fingers touch my hot skin

He presses one hand against my back, his other trailing up my right side making my skin tremble

It feels so good

God how is his touch causing me to feel this way?

None of my boyfriend's touches ever felt this way, never made me feel this way, never made my body react this way

But his, a stranger, does

Suddenly he pulls away from me, my shirt flying over my body

He reaches around and undoes my bra, tossing it behind him

His hands cup my cheek, pulling back to his lips for another kiss

As I kiss him, I undo the buttons of his suit jacket and push it off him

He lets it drop, his hands untying my sweatpants strings

He pulls everything, including my panties down

Kicking my sneakers off, I get out of every piece of clothing, leaving myself completely naked

He maneuvers me around, pushing me back until the back of my knees hit the bed

He pushes me back all the way, my back hitting the bed

He stands, his eyes roaming all over my body

I feel so exposed and a little shy but I keep my hands at my sides

"Fuck, you're even better than I imagined"

Wait...he imagined me?

Me?

Why?

I'm nothing special

Hell Milena and Saeyan are better looking than me

"Close your mouth", he smirks

I snap it shut, not even knowing it was open

His hands touch me, starting from my thighs

I watch the dragon and tiger tattoos on his hands move as he moves his fingers and Jesus it's hot

I shiver when his hands move on my stomach, slowly gliding up and wrapping around my breasts

He squeezes them a few times, his eyes on my body

"You're so hot"

I just raise my eyebrows

He's very complimentative and I like it

His eyes move to my arms, his hands letting go of my breasts to instead run along my arms

"I didn't know you had so many tattoos", he says

I don't know what to say

I wore tshirts to the bar so he had to see some of them

The ones on my lower arms

"Dinosaurs?", he asks

"Yeah", I answer, "I like dinosaurs"

"You a nerd?"

I look at him about to tell him off when I see him smirking teasingly

"I like nerds", he says

"Then I'm a nerd", I answer, smirking back

"Good"

His lips are on mine again, kissing me deeply

I fall into his kiss, letting him take over me

His hands roam my body for a little but then go back to my boobs

He is a guy after all and guys like boobs

He squeezes softly, his thumbs running over my nipples, sending pleasure right down to my pussy, making me more wet than I already am

Moving his lips to my neck, he presses kisses to my skin and I moan softly

"Fuck that was pretty. Do it again"

He sucks on my skin hard and I know he's gonna leave a hickey

I don't really care

Letting go of my skin, his tongue rolls over the spot he sucked on, then moves to a new spot

One of his hands moves down, his fingers running between my legs

"Ooo", I moan, pleasure increasing

"Fuck yes, let me hear you", he demands, his fingers moving to my clit and rubbing in circles, sending my body into so much pleasure

Oh my god

I haven't felt pleasure in so long and god I missed it

His lips keep kissing and sucking me, leaving his marks all over me, down between my breasts

As he's sucking on my stomach, his fingers slide inside me and I gasp, immediately throbbing on his fingers

"Fuck so tight. So little", he groans against my skin, his hand not inside me digging into my thigh

He moves his fingers back and forth and fuck me it feels so amazing, I drench his hand

"My god you're so fucking wet. God does your cunt get this wet every time?"

No actually, I don't get this wet

Maybe it's because I haven't had sex or done anything in months

Or maybe it's because he knows what he's doing, his fingers sliding and pumping the right way, spreading them slightly while inside, stretching me so well

"No...I don't get this wet", I answer, closing my eyes against the pleasure

"Oh, is this all for me then?"

I lift my head, looking at him and seeing his wide cocky grin

Even with that grin, he's so fucking hot

It's not fair

"Hmm?", he prods, his fingers rubbing my spot, pleasure blinding me as I moan loudly

He smirks, keeping his fingers inside, rubbing that spot, "Answer me"

"Yes, all for you", I agree, laying my head back down

"Feels good baby?"

That's an understatement

"Yes fuck yes", I cry

"This your spot"

"Yes", I whine

"I'll remember where it is", he assures me

I find that a strange thing to say

Why would he remember?

Why does he care?

I can't worry about it now because my mind goes blank when his tongue licks my clit

"Oh god", I moan as his tongue keeps rolling over my clit, faster and faster each time, his fingers not stopping, hitting my spot every time

The pleasure is astounding and I'm gonna cum any second

Fucking seriously, nothing has ever felt as good as his fingers and tongue

He licks with the tip of his tongue and that's it

"Fuck!", I cry, gripping the comforter hard as my body arches, pleasure taking over me as I cum

His doesn't stop any movements, not his fingers, not his tongue as I orgasm, instead helping me through it

Jesus Christ it's the best orgasm I ever had

"Oh fuck this cunt is gonna feel so good coming around my cock", he murmurs

God damn

I want to cum all over his cock too

He's not the only one dying to feel it

When my orgasm is over, I breath hard trying to catch my breath

I feel his fingers leave my pussy, his voice saying, "Oh damn"

I lift my head, watching him look at his fingers, spreading them apart, my cum all over

"Fucking hell, your cum is so fucking creamy. Fuck"

Has no other girl he's been with cum this way?

He keeps looking at his fingers, then suddenly puts them in his mouth, sucking on them

My mouth drops open seeing this

"Oh fuck", he moans, "You taste so good. Fuck"

"Oh my god", I whisper

He looks at me, his eyebrow raised, "You haven't had anyone tell you your cum tastes good?"

I shake my head

Nope, can't say that I have

"Well that's a damn shame", he says so matter of fact, "You may be the best thing I ever tasted"

I'm so fucking surprised he's saying this

I don't think this is something you say to a one night stand

"I don't know yet though. I gotta taste more"

"More?"

"Oh yeah. More", he smirks

Before I can say anything, his mouth is on my clit, sucking at me hard

"Oh my fuck", I gape, watching his mouth move on me

God he's still so pretty, so hot even with his face in my pussy

How?

I don't know

Closing my eyes and laying down, I concentrate on feeling his mouth suck, his tongue on my clit too, moving at the same time

His arms move under my thighs, keeping them open while his mouth pleasures me

"Mmm fuck baby, your clit is so good. Pulsing in my mouth so fucking fast. Love it"

"Fuck", I moan

Well I'm glad he loves it?

Fuck I don't know, my mind can't think right now

I'm in so much pleasure, I don't even realize that my hand is moving into his hair

It's only when he grunts that I realize I'm pulling on the strands

Hard

Oh shit

I immediately pull my hand away, putting it back on the bed

Without stopping, he grabs my hand and puts it back in his hair

"Pull all you want baby. I like it"

Uh ....ok

"Are...you ssss...sure?", I stammer, the bliss making it hard to talk

"Yes baby. Pull"

I grip his hair hard, twisting my hand in it, just as he sucks harder

"Oh my god! Oh my god!", I cry, falling into another orgasm, his pretty mouth not stopping

The pleasure is unreal and I don't get a break because as soon as it's over, his tongue is licking down, immediately going right into my cunt

"Fuck!", I yell, clenching on his tongue

"Mmm", he moans, pulling his tongue out

He licks around my slit, then up between my lips, swirling around

He is so fucking good at oral, it's insane

After playing with my cunt for a little, his tongue goes back inside, making me scream

"Oh so you wanna be tongue fucked huh? I can do that", he murmurs, turning me on so much

His tongue goes in again, then slides out then dips back in

Over and over, feeling out of this world

He moves my legs on his shoulders and as he fucks me with his tongue I can't help but move my hips, snapping them into his face

"Such a good girl", he moans, "Fucking my mouth. Keep going baby"

I don't think, I just do and I keep going, his tongue entering me over and over

I throb as much as I can around his tongue, pulling his hair as hard as I can

He's bringing me so close, every thrust of his tongue so good

"Please don't stop", I gasp, right there

His tongue fucks in again and I lose it

I shout in pleasure as he shoves his tongue in as far as he can, making me cum all over it, swallowing over and over

Oh my god, it's so good, so fucking good, I can't, fuck

My whole body seizes and I grip his hair, holding his face against my pussy until I finish and come back to my senses

I realize I'm keeping him against me and I let go of him immediately, so embarrassed

He doesn't say anything, just licks me a few more times, kisses my pussy then stands up

"Ready for my cock now?"

I nod, so ready

He flips my over easily, moving me on my hands and knees

I hear his belt opening, then hitting the floor

I'm so fucking excited

I feel him grip my hip, the head of his cock rubbing along my pussy

"Please", I beg, "Go inside"

"I am baby. Don't worry. I've wanted to fuck this hole for a long time. I'm definitely going in"

Everytime he says something about wanting me, I'm in such disbelief

It just doesn't make sense that someone like him, someone that looks like him wants me

He stops my thinking when his head enters me

Jesus it feels big

He sinks into me slowly, forcing me to open around him

Christ he is huge

He has to push in hard, almost like he doesn't fit inside me

"Oh fuck, you are tight", he moans, "So very tight. Almost like you've never been fucked before"

Yeah well not by a monster cock like his

I feel every single inch of his length as he moves in, giving me so much pleasure already

He stops moving, his cock filling me up, a tight fit with no extra room, his head snugly against my spot

"Good god you feel so good", he moans, his hands rubbing my ass

"You too", I moan, "Are...are you all in?"

"No. I'm too big. I'm going to hu-"

"Go all in", I cut him off

I need to feel his whole cock

I want his whole cock

"Joanne"

"All in Changkyun", I demand, "I can take you. You won't hurt me"

I feel him hesitating and I'm not having it

"Please, I want to feel all of you"

"Fuck", he groans, moving inside more

"Oh god", I whimper, shivering, "All of you?"

"Yeah", he gasps

I reach my hand in between my legs, to my hole, feeling for his cock

My hand touches his pelvis and nothing else

He's all in

"Told you", he groans, gripping my hips hard, "I need to move. I need to fuck you. Please"

"Yes", I answer

I feel his cock leave, the drag so fucking blissful

He thrusts hard into me, his cock barreling in, stretching me around him, his head hitting my spot

"Yes fuck", we both cry as he moves in and out faster and faster with every thrust

"Oh my god, so fucking tight", he moans, "So wet. So warm. Fuck best pussy I've ever been in"

My mind is reeling from his words as his cock works my pussy and my body so fucking amazingly

I grip the comforter hard, his thrusts so hard, my body keeps inching up the bed and he keeps bringing me back to him at the edge of the bed

Goddamn, Milena was right

I need to get laid

And Changkyun is the perfect one to do it

Stars blast in my vision from the pounding I'm getting and I'm loving every second

"You're taking me so good baby. Fuck I love watching that hole swallow my cock, leaving me soaked and sucking me back in", he compliments, "So fucking pretty"

I can't stop moaning like a slut, crying out for more, for him to go faster

Harder

"Fuck baby, you like being fucked open?"

"Yes yes. I love it. Yes", I cry

His hand moves around me and I expect him to touch my clit but as he's moving his hand, it stops against my stomach

"Oh shit", he whimpers, his hand pressing against my stomach as he continues to fuck me senseless

"Give me your hand", he says

I'm confused, but I move one of my hands back

He takes it and presses my hand against my lower stomach

"Just feel", he tells me and I'm confused

He keeps moving and I feel my stomach bulging then going back to normal, again and again

"You feel that baby girl?"

"Yeah", I answer, still confused

"That's my cock fucking you"

Wait what?

"Huh"

"You are so small baby and my cock is so big that when I fuck you, you can feel my cock in your stomach"

Holy shit

I've never experienced this before

But then again I've never taken a cock as big as his feels

I keep my hand against my stomach, feeling his cock move inside me and getting more and more horny

"You like feeling that?"

"Yes, god. Shit. No one has ever fucked me as deep as you"

"And how does it feel?", he asks

"So good", I moan

"Good enough to cum?"

I nod, "Yes fuck yes. Please. Make me cum"

"Gladly baby"

He increases his pace, hitting me so hard, rubbing my spot, his cock amazing

Squeezing the comforter, I feel it coming

I'm so excited

I've never orgasmed from just sex alone but I know, I know he's going to be able to give me one

He barrels inside again and I scream, thrown headfirst into an incredible orgasm

"Changkyun!", I scream, the ecstasy so much it's blinding me

He shoves his whole cock inside, letting me cum on him, my pussy clenching and throbbing on him so much

"Oh fuck", he yells, "Oh fuck. So good. Fuck, your cunt baby, fuck so fucking good"

Fuck, he's getting pleasure from me coming too

That's amazing

"Jesus, so tight. God you're creaming my cock so fucking much. So pretty", he moans

When I finish, I'm so tired, breathing so hard

"Again", he demands, pounding my cunt

"Yes fuck, yes", I cry

I can't believe I want more

But he's just making me feel so good

So fucking amazing

And I was to make him feel the same

Not just good

Amazing

I start moving, sliding up and down his cock, bottoming him out with every move

"Oh yes baby, fuck, don't stop"

"Stop moving", I tell him, "I wanna give it to you"

"Shit"

"I wanna make you cum"

"You're going to baby girl. God just looking at you, feeling you...fuck me, it's so fucking good", he groans

I move faster on his cock, spreading my legs wider, so I can fuck him harder while also fucking my spot at the same time

The sound of skin hitting together sounds in the room among our moans as my ass hits his thighs over and over

I gonna cum already and it has never been this quick before

It's because his cock is perfect for me

Going back again, my brain shuts off as I orgasm, screaming his name, fluttering around his thick length

"Changkyun!", I cry, still moving, fucking myself through the pleasure as I bring him closer

"Yeah fuck...Joanne...yes", he cries, gripping my hips and sheathing his cock inside me, holding me on him, his cock throbbing and spurting hot cum

"Oh fuck", I whimper, loving the feeling of being filled up by him

I feel his cum leaking out around us, down my thighs

I love that feeling

He pulls out and I move, forward laying down on bed to breath for a minute

"Oh god", I hear him say as the bed dips, "That was...Jesus Christ"

I know

I feel the same

"Amazing?", I ask

"So much more than that", he answers, "Was it like that for you too?"

"Oh yeah", I tell him, "The best I've ever had"

Why lie?

It won't do any good and I don't feel like lying

"Really?"

"Yup", I answer

"It was the best I ever had too"

I snort, "Oh c'mon. You don't have to say that"

There is no way I was the best

I didn't do anything

He ate me out, he fingered me, he fucked me

I didn't do anything until the end

And it wasn't much

"I'm telling you the truth"

Looking over at him, I say, "I just laid there. I didn't do anything"

He shakes his head, "You did. You felt good. Taste so good. You pulled my hair, you moaned my name, you fucked me until I came. You did enough"

Ok if he says so

I notice he's dressed, his pants pulled back up while I'm still naked

"I guess we should leave?", I say

There's no other reason to stay here now that we fucked

He nods, "Yeah"

"Ok. I'm gonna go to the bathroom to uh..clean up", I say

"Sure. Take your time"

Standing up, I walk to the bathroom, his cum running down my legs

Fucking embarrassing

Closing the door, I lean against it for a minute, still shocked that I fucked a stranger

Well he's not a total stranger

I know who he is

I have to stop thinking about this

It happened and it's over now

He's never going to want me again

One and done

Sighing, I clean up between my legs then go to the sink and wash my hands

I glance up in the mirror and I stop what I'm doing

I look at my body in the mirror, at the trail of hickeys starting from my neck to my pussy

All of them dark purple

It's...so pretty

I bring my hand to my neck, softly touching the marks, my fingers following the trail he left on me

I find that I really like having his marks on me

Like I'm his

I drop my hand

I need to stop

He's a fucking crime boss, I don't want to be his

I don't need danger in my life

I don't need to be murdered

This was sex and nothing else

Getting a grip, I leave the bathroom

He's still sitting on the bed, looking through his phone

I quickly get dressed then check my phone

Ten missed calls and dozens of texts from Milena, Taehyung and Saeyan

Shit

I forgot all about them

Milena is gonna rip me a new one

"Ready?"

I look up to see him standing by the door

Like he can't wait to leave

That hurts a little

Like now that he fucked me he doesn't want to be near me

Whatever

"Yeah", I say, walking towards him

We leave the room, walk down the hall and into the elevator

"I can take you home", he says

"Oh no, that's ok. You don't have to"

He shakes his head, "You can't be alone around here. Especially not at night. They're low lives, criminals that will take you. Rape you or worse just for walking down the street. If you were with your friend then it'd be safer but you're alone. I'm not taking the chance of anything happening to you. I'm taking you home"

Well alright then

I find it ironic that he's talking about criminals when he is one

But I guess he consideres himself a better criminal?

Whatever

"Ok. Thanks"

"Sure", he nods

The elevator doors open and we exit, with him dropping off the key card as we pass the desk

We get to the parking lot and head to his car

--------------------------------------------------

"Where the fuck we're you?", Milena yells as soon as I walk into our apartment

"Out", I answer, walking towards my room

I need a shower then I need sleep

"You are not getting away with that answer!", she exclaims following me into my room

"I was out Mi", I repeat, dropping my bag on my chair

What am I supposed to tell her?

How could I tell her I was with a jokop boss?

She'll freak out even more

"Joanne!", she yells, making me look at her, "Where were you? When Tae and I got to the bar you weren't there. You weren't answering our calls or texts. I was freaking out. You cannot just come in and say you were out! I've been worried the whole night!"

She's right

I just disappeared

I worried her

I can't just blow her off

"I uhh-"

"Is that a hickey?", she shrieks, turning my head

"Uh yeah"

"That's a lot of hickeys", she gapes

If only she knew

"How far down do they go?", she asks, pull my shirt collar down

I lightly push her off, "Nosey much?"

"How far?"

I roll my eyes, "All the way"

"To your cunt?"

God, does she have to know everything?

"Yes", I answer through clenched teeth

"Ok so...you were with a guy?"

I nod

"Well that makes sense on why you didn't answer your phone", she says, "But doesn't make sense as to why you didn't tell me where you were going"

"It uh...was unexpected. It happened fast and I forgot"

"Fine. Just don't do it again. Tell me where you're going so I don't worry"

I nod, "Yeah. I promise. I'm sorry"

"You're forgiven", she forgives me, "Now who was the guy?"

"I uh...I..."

What do I say?

"Was it Yeosang?"

Yeosang?

The guy who works at Starbucks and is in our dance class?

"Uh no"

"Really? Because he likes you"

"What?"

What the hell is she talking about?

"He asked me about you after class one day. If you're single. I told him yes"

"Yeah great", I sigh, "But no, it wasn't him"

"Well did you get back with Yunho?"

God no

Not after he cheated on me

"Not a chance in hell"

"Good because I would have slapped you if you said yes"

Ha well she may just slap me yet

"So who was it?", she prods, "I don't know who else to guess"

Yeah she does but she's not thinking about him

"You know who he is", I tell her

"No, I don't know anyone else who-", she stops, realization in her face

I swallow then look away from her

"It's not...him?", she gapes

I nod once

"You fucked Changkyun?", she yells

"Stop yelling!", I snap

"Joanne what the fuck? He's a criminal! He's a gangster! He dangerous!"

"I know ok? I know", I answer, running my hand through my hair

"Then why did you agree to it?"

I shrug helplessly, "I don't know Mi. I was at the bar waiting for you guys and he came over. He talked to me. He told me what he wanted. He was straightforward about it. And I just went"

"You just went. You, who said you'd never fuck a stranger"

I know

I just did something I said I'd never do

"Where did you go?"

"To uh a love motel", I cringe

"What?", she shouts, "You we're just saying that you'd never go to one a little while ago. And now your going to one to have a one night stand with a jokop boss. What the hell?"

I don't say anything because I don't know what to say

Silence falls between us for a few minutes

"Well how was it?", she eventually asks

I look at her and she looks at me expectantly

"Well?"

"It was....amazing", I confess

"Really?"

I nod

"What did he do?"

I blush as I tell her about our encounter

When I finished, she stares at me shocked with her mouth open

"He ate you out three times?"

I nod

"And you didn't blow him?"

"He uh said I didn't have to. And after he went down on me, he immediately wanted sex"

"How many times did you cum?"

Jesus, she wants specifics

"I don't know like five time?"

"Five!", she squeaks, "Goddamn"

"Is that a lot?", I ask

"Uh duh!", she nods, "How hot is his body? Does he have a six pack"

"I uh...I don't know"

"How do you not know? You had sex with him"

"He uh...was dressed when he ate me out and then he ah...he fucked me from behind. He kept his shirt on dropping just his pants. And it felt too good for me to look back at him while we were....you know"

"Damn. Well maybe you'll see him naked next time"

"Next time?"

There isn't going to be a next time

It was once

I don't think he'd want to again

I don't know if I'd say yes again

"Oh please Jo. There's gonna be a next time. The way that man stares at you. Like he wants to throw you on the nearest table and fuck you stupid. That man has the hots for you and he's gonna keep trying to get you"

I gape at her

Is she insane?

How can she tell that just by him looking at me?

"You're so wrong but ok"

"No I'm right"

"Mi, he couldn't wait to leave the motel after we were done. It was a one time thing and that's all"

"Sure Jo. Keep telling yourself that", she says, walking to my door, "Just be prepared to hear me say I told you so when it happens again"

"Mi-"

"You should shower. Then sleep. You have class tomorrow"

Then she's gone

She's wrong

Changkyun isn't going to want me again

The thrill of the chase is gone

I gave into him and now that he got what he was after, he's gonna move on to someone else

I know it

I have to forget about what happened

It's over and I need to get back to my life

Grabbing PJs, I head to the bathroom to shower

[leapinglavender007]

Little NSFW excerpt from my Hogwarts Legacy fanfic - For What it’s Worth 🐍

This is from Chapter 30, which from what Wattpad tells me, is the chapter that has the most reads out of all 68 of them so far 😅 it’s also a scene that my readers still, MONTHS and over 100k words later mind you, bring up/talk about.

CONTEXT: FMC Katherine has recently learned troubling and dark information about herself and her…interesting family. She spent the previous night in the restricted section researching to no avail and has decided that the next best course of action is to reach out to Ominis to see if he will grant her access back into the Scriptorium where she believes she may find helpful information/resources 👀 - oh… and Katherine and Sebastian are not in an official relationship…but this is the second time her and Ominis have participated in the devils tango behind his back 😬

WARNINGS: 18+ content so MDNI, unprotected intercourse, MC is in a manic state, dominant Ominis Gaunt if you squint, shameless voice kink, all characters in this fic are aged up 2 years (making them both over 18 now as at this point in the story they are in the second semester of 6th year)

- Wattpad & AO3 : Leaping_lavender007

————————————————————————

Are you alright?" Ominis asks, nearly the second he notices my presence in the hall. He had already been waiting by the common room doors by the time I finally decided to get out of the bath.

"Yes, um... follow me."

I had thought that the oils I soaked in and the potion I just took would have helped to calm my nerves, but they didn't even scratch the damn surface.

He is going to freak the hell out, I can feel it already - I'm not necessarily prepared for that either, "You didn't tell Sebastian we were meeting, right?"

"I haven't been to my dorm yet tonight - I haven't seen him at all."

We make our way up, and back to the washrooms. By the time we round the corner of the hall and stop in the specific place... Ominis already seems onto me,

"Tell me what is going on - now." He sternly insists.

"I need your...gifts...to..." anxiety starts to penetrate deeper, making my heart nearly beat out of my chest. I take a deep breath and just go for it - There is no way out of this now, "I need you to get me back into the Scriptorium, Ominis."

"Absolutely not." His tone is sharp, and one that I had not heard in a long time.

I knew he would shut me down, but I had no idea he would be so... hateful about it.

"I am begging you," I plead, "I think there may be something in there... that could help me - The magic...well... I don't even know what to call it...it- it's getting bad... I don't really know how to explain it...I've had a hard time getting a handle on it. I'm not eating, I'm not sleeping - there is nothing in the restricted section regarding anything to make it better. Please do not make me send an owl to my mother - Please just help me."

He falls deathly silent, obviously contemplating, "But- but what if-"

"We shouldn't have to cast any spells, or- or do anything to get back through. We didn't leave the way we originally entered, we cannot go back in that way either, so every gate and the actual entrance to the office should be open. You will just need to get us in that initial door - Ominis, I literally cannot do this without you."

I am fully prepared to be wrong, the potential need to cast the curse again has been flowing through my mind since I made this decision. With that, I have also had to fully prepare to take that pain again too...I could never ask Ominis to do that for me.

But In this moment, I am completely desperate - I need to stop this, before it has the chance to worsen. Before I do something I know I will deeply regret.

He takes a very deep breath, running a hand through his styled hair, seemingly just as anxious as I, "This is... confusing, Kate... I-...Light the damned braziers before I change my mind." He says with a defeated sigh.

Oh thank Merlin.

I do as he says, and we waste no time descending down the stone staircase. Just as I assumed, we are met with the large, and shut spiral door.

"I can hear them already..." he quietly says.

"Well, get on with your hissing sounds so we can proceed," I do my best to bring at least some type of humor to this dreadful, anxiety ridden situation.

"Hissing sounds? Kate, I am not just hissing - it is an actual language." Thankfully I am awarded some type of chuckle from him, though the tightness and obvious stress is very apparent.

"Doesn't sound like it to meee..." I tease.

He walks up close to the door and starts. The sounds coming from Ominis, in which truly sound like a hissing snake, echo through the cold room, and metal snake-like fixtures upon the door immediately trail up in response, turning the dial and allowing us to enter seconds later.

Gods, why is that so fucking hot? - I remember thinking similarly the first time, completely stunned by this ability of his.

"What?" Ominis asks, probably in response to my sudden silence and heavier breathing that I don't doubt he's noticed, with the walls bouncing each sound back to us and all.

I cast light with my wand and use every bit of will to not slap myself so I can get a damned grip as I can literally feel my face... and lower stomach...start to flip and burn, "Um.. has anyone ever told you how... intriguing that is?" I sheepishly reply.

"No one else has ever heard it." Though he sounds calm, his bright cheeks are telling me different.

Oh.

I quite literally have to push down the aching heat flowing up from my core, and almost as if I am not in control of my body, the responsive slickness between my thighs grows more annoying by the second. I suddenly wish that I had properly dressed before meeting him, instead of just wearing my damned night clothes and robe - It's the middle of the night and Ominis is blind, was my initial thought,

I am a fucking idiot.

To my surprise and probably due to left over dumb luck from last night, every gate is still open - just like I had thought.

And to our equal, blessed relief, the door leading into Salazar Slytherin's office is still open as well, and the previous nearly unbearable weight flies off my shoulders, almost to the point of making me shed tears - Ominis seems to let out every bit of breath he was holding as well.

Thank you, thank you, thank you- I silently praise to no one and everyone above at the same time.

"Perhaps, you should put more trust into me, my friend." I cockily taunt, with undoubtedly the silliest smile spread over my stupid face as we walk towards the double stairs into the office.

"Oh, do not be so smart," Ominis smiles too, "I cannot believe I allowed you to convince me to come here again - We are...incredibly lucky, Kate."

This time around, I feel more inclined to actually take in the space around us. Everything looks ancient, but at the same time, perfectly preserved as if Salazar Slytherin himself walked out just before we entered.

I can understand why Sebastian was so enthralled, however at the time, I was a bit too focused on learning how to breath again after the agony endured.

"I regret it," Ominis cuts through the silence, almost as if he is answering my thoughts, "I regret nearly everyday letting you take that pain for us - letting you take it for Sebastian. It was incredibly selfish of me, and I am deeply sorry."

"I don't and I would do it again - I could never imagine casting it on either of you."

Not a single lie. It was torturous, but I wouldn't dare relive that moment differently.

I can tell that he wants to say something else, that he is holding back as his face contorts through what seems to be a million different emotions. But I remain silent too, equally unwilling to spill whatever... care for Sebastian drove me that night.

I've barely admitted it to myself, I am no where near ready to speak the words aloud, especially to Ominis.

In an instant, all previous playfulness is suddenly gone as the desperation kicks in.

There has to be something here.

I stride up the stairs, pulling every book and every loose page I see out.

Nothing - There is nothing!

In fact, there is very little of anything in here!

Ominis seems to sense my frustration, "what exactly are you looking to find?" After a few more moments of silence and my continued rustling, he just grows impatient, "Kate? What is wrong?"

I don't know why I start to cry. But I do, probably upon the realization of anything useful potentially being in the fucking spell book that Anne blew to shreds! "I am scared..."

"Scared? Of what?"

"Myself."

"Katherine-"

"No! You do not understand, there has to be something here!" The panic then consumes me, and ground beneath my feet starts to feel uneven as I tear through every chest, every drawer, every shelf around me.

"Katherine!" Ominis manages to grab hold of my shoulders, locking me in place with strength you wouldn't even think he had. He brings a hand to cup my face, feeling to make sure that I am looking at him too, "I cannot help you, if you do not explain exactly what is going on and what has you so upset - I insist that you tell me what is happening. What is making you feel this way?"

"Are you scared of me?" I choke through my now pouring tears.

"N-no, Kate," he knits his eyebrows together as a worried expression starts to cover his face - Liar! "I am scared for you, I am here for you. Let me help."

But that is the issue, one that I have been yearning to let go of in the depths of this desperation.

I've begun to worry that there is no help for me. What if this is me? What if this is just who I am?

I refuse to tell Ominis anything. It would do no good.

I need to shut up now, I need a distraction, I need something -

So I grab his face and pull him down with both of my hands, slamming my mouth into his.

"Kate..." he breaths, pushing me back, "what-"

"I'm sorry, I-"

But not another moment passes before his lips are back on mine, sloppily opening and closing against them.

He backs me into the writing desk closest to the stairs, shoving the large leather chair out of the way and onto the floor. I hurriedly work on removing his school robe and uniform as he shoves my night dress up to harshly grab my backside, and I send an embarrassingly loud moan into his mouth, causing a groan from him in response.

Our mouths remain connected as he snakes a hand around me, thoroughly feeling my hips and bum before trailing his hand to the front of my panties. I feel the tip of his finger graze me from above them and over the wet spot that I am undoubtedly now pooling into.

"So wet." He whispers into my mouth, making me shutter.

I palm the front of his trousers, feeling the near rock hard length beneath them.

And he catches me off guard by shoving my robe down from my shoulders before bunching my night dress along my torso as he goes to kneel before me.

Oh gods.

My panties are pulled down my legs painfully slow. With each inch they're dropped, a wet kiss follows closely behind. The feel of his mouth trailing down my leg sends my whole body to erupt in bumps, and my breasts to impossibly ache - This is torture, absolute blissful torture.

I try to lean as much of my weight as possible against the desk as he brings my leg to rest over his shoulder, and his mouth feels heavenly as he laps up my wetness before bringing his full attention to my clit. I can't help but ground out along his warm tongue, and my loud moans fill the echoing room.

He quickly brings me over the edge, holding both of my thighs with rough grips as I burst into shakes, riding out my orgasm against his unwavering movements.

He then stands up, flipping me around to bend over the writing desk before bringing his palm to rest upon my sensitive clit, and inserting two fingers into my opening.

His movements quicken, working his entire hand to pleasure me, and lies himself against my back to bring his lips up close to my ear...before hissing.

but it's not just any hissing... no, it's the hissing of Parseltongue.

He then slaps my bare arse, harshly gripping onto it, before moving that hand all around my body, feeling around any inch possible in this position.

I come undone over and over, unsure at this point where one release starts and the other ends. He then withdrawals his hand, leaving me to rest against the writing desk practically limp as I hear the rustling of his pants, which is followed by the feel of his solid length teasing my backside.

I turn to face him, knowing that I am entirely too short compared to him, to even line up properly in this position on my tip toes.

And we completely break the top of desk as he lifts me to sit upon it, though utter desire takes over once again as he slams himself into my opening, causing me to pleasurably cry out in response.

"Ohhhh gods." I erotically moan, his own sounds match mine as he quickly slides in and out.

"You-you f-feel...exquisite." He hazily breathes.

With each hard thrust, the desk beneath me cracks more and more, but the sensations overpower everything else as his mouth crashes into my neck, dotting opened mouth kisses around it and over my jaw. One arm is wrapped around my back, holding me into place and bringing my neck close for his mouth to reach, and the hand of the other is now under my nightdress with a solid grip on my breast - The feeling of his thumb rubbing against my aching nipple, along with how much his length is filling me, become entirely too much to handle.

"Y-yes, Ominis!" I push out alongside my cries.

He then lifts me up to straddle him, crashing me against the closest free wall and relentlessly fucking me there as well. I can't help but to come all over his cock, as his groans consume my senses and his mouth sucks hard right below my ear - Gods above fucking help me.

"F-fuck!" He loudly moans, shaking a bit as he slows down and completely fills me with his seed.

We stay against the wall connected, equally making every attempt to catch our damned breaths, and we stand for a moment before he releases himself and sets me back down.

My now wobbly legs nearly give out as I try to steady and adjust my night dress to cover me properly, and deathly silence overcomes the room as he fastens back up his trousers and I slip on my robe and panties.

"I'm sorry," he finally croaks, breaking through the now thick tension, "about... releasing... in you - I can give you galleons to... um...take something."

"There is no need, I um... I have a recipe for it - I'll take care of it."

"Okay." Is all he manages to say.

"The desk... is completely broken," I look over to the caved in and cracked top of it, as well as the destroyed room that shows nothing but proof of my previous outburst, "And the room is destroyed."

"We shouldn't stress over it... I'm sure we're the only people to be here in centuries - when it is found again, if ever, we will probably be dead ourselves."

For some reason, the thought of such sends a cold shiver racing down my spine.

"Are you um... ready to go?" I then quietly ask.

"Yes."

And with that, we exit the scriptorium and silently walk back to the common room. Leaving me with yet another sleepless night of fighting the demons within me.

Though this time, it's perhaps... a little more complicated.

[thegirlwhorideslikeasamurai]

Writing is not a competition, not a race.

Unfortunately, for me, it feels a lot like that.

A rant about always being too late, peer pressure, and the debilitating feeling of never being enough.

I never had a lot of confidence, it's a facet of me I don't even try to hide. It's part of who I am. And in those rare times when I trust in my writing, I'm keenly aware that I'm the weirdo that doesn't fit in, the nobody that came in late and at a time when everyone already had favourite stories and writers. I'm keenly aware that out there, stories of the same kind as I write exist that fans treat like the bible, and that I can only dream of my works ever living up to them at least a little.

And that brings me back to the same old question:

Do I have a place here? Am I needed here? Am I even wanted here?

And most of all:

Why should people even bother reading my works when they already have their faves and comfort stories?

It's not like I bring anything new to the table, something that makes my works stand out or unique.

People keep saying they like to read all the versions of the same story. I wonder whether they try to cheer me up. I ponder their words as if I'm studying a different species. Don't they ever crave variety?

People keep saying that my works are needed. I can't see why when there already exist so many more loved than mine stories could ever be. I can't see why when by the new my new and once thought unique idea will be ready for posting, hundreds of more stories of the same kind will already be out there.

I learned to accept that I'm late to the party, that if I want to have a chance that people read my stories, I need to make myself seen. More of then not, this feels like a fight (I know it shouldn't).

When I said I learned to accept, I'm actually sayting that I learned to accept to some extent. Most of the time, it's an ongoing struggle I can never overcome. Finding an audience for my novelisation was one of the hardest things I've ever done as a fanfiction writer. I despaired, stopped posting, contemplated stopping writing altogether because I was frustrated and disheartened, spent 6 months searching for a beta-reader and waited another 6 months until I could continue posting (I've been writing fanfiction since 2009, I posted my debut in 2013 and I haven't ever stopped since, I'm not an inexperienced newbie, but my former fandom was very different and I never felt like I'm not needed and as if I was watching from the sidelines).

And then, recently, the pressure skyrocketed. In January, when I had the idea for my backstory prequel, I was probably one of a handful of fans working on a project like that. Now, with the movie cancellation, the number of people writing similar stories is likely going to explode. By the time mine will be finished, thoroughly revised and beta-read (I'm talking about many months, rather a year or more), I will be late again - story of my uneventful fandom life. And I will have one more reason to wonder whether I should bother sharing my story at all.

I don't expect things to be much different for my prequels for the very same reasons. Even more so, since I don't include things people like to read about like popular headcanons. (Note that I don't write for other people, I write for myself, to get the ideas in my head on the page, but that doesn't erase my desire to share them and to find people who love them as much as I do.)

And that's the other reason I feel unsure about my sequels and the backstory prequel. It's not only about the possibility of angry fans hijacking my works or text snippets to scream their hatred of the only member of the YOI production committee they know into the void.

I have ideas for quite a number sequels. It will take some years to write, edit, and post them all. By the time I'm posting the last one, will there even be people left interested in reading them?

I wish it wouldn't feel like that. I don't have the energy to go through the same nerve-wrecking process I went through with my novelisation again. I wish I didn't feel the desire to share my works because then the joy of writing a new story wouldn't be tainted by crippling insecurity and the fear that when the time to share it has arrived, I will be late again.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Dream On

Perhaps a bit of a shorter post than some of my recent/previous ones, but Voiceplay's video for Dream On is certainly far from dull, and the arrangement (a collaboration between Rob Dietz and Geoff) is absolutely killer!

The video for Dream On was released on the 9th of April, 2022, and features Omar Cardona, back again!

Don't have a ton to say about outfits/costuming in this one (though shoutout to Geoff, who is credited with "costuming look", as well as co-direction and overall video (he's a polymath genius I swear)), but might as well "shine a spotlight" on everyone individually, since I don't expect to have a lot to say for this video otherwise, and the vocalists all start off by themselves in the video before "banding together".

Hey Geoff isn't the only one with exposed shoulders for once! 😝

Cesar is, yet again, a style icon. And according to an interview he did with Mortius (that was simultaneously a reaction video for Dream On), the little "smoky eye"/eyeliner look he's got going on here was his idea! Love that for him!

(Also shoutout to Rick Underwood for yet again being a makeup whiz!)

Actually wait I forgot, uncovered shoulders actually outnumber covered shoulders in this one!

(Also this was filmed in some old school I believe? I think maybe Cesar's old school or something?)

There he is! <3

(Also love the fingerless gloves 👌)

Random fun fact: I used this shot about a month ago (though for you reading this it'll be more like 2-2.5 months ago) as a pose/proportions reference!

(And peep the little white-grey streak of hair framing his face <3 )

And of course I haven't forgotten about Layne! (No clue what he's wearing over his shirt, but my brain always thinks of a bulletproof vest, though that's obviously not correct)

(Also it's getting frankly a little embarassing now that back in my This Is Halloween post I was like "hey is that tattoo on Layne's wrist real? I've literally never seen it before", when apparently it has been visible at least a couple of times since, and I'm obviously not always as observant as I like to think I am 😅)

Fun fact: apparently Omar and Cesar are good friends, stemming from the fact that they used to be roommates? And now one of them is a permanent Voiceplay member, and the other is a frequent Voiceplay collaborator? (And had sung with them before Cesar joined the group, even). What are the odds? Like how freaking close-knit is the singing/acapella community in Florida?

(Btw that is one hell of a mohawk, Cesar! Go off!)

Group shot! (Also peep the book just behind Eli and Omar (that I only just noticed) - is that the same one Eli was holding/drawing in earlier?)

(Cesar matching Geoff with the fingerless gloves!)

"So how many lines and textures do you want in your clothes for this one?" "Yes" (No seriously, there is a lot going on with the outfits in this one. I'm not judging or criticising, but I would hate to try and draw them!)

Very brief but very cool distortion effect!

Obligatory "he's so pretty" screencap 😁

Screw it, have another Geoff hair study!

(I'm amassing a fair collection of these now, though I'm contemplating going and doing some more for older videos at some point so I can have a better visual representation of the main stages of growth, before it reached shoulder-length)

Is Layne in the freaking boiler room or something? (I'm not super familiar with boiler rooms (not super common in Australia, that I know of), but that looks like that would be an example of one!)

The "tenor trio" absolutely giving this performance their all! (As they always do, of course)

I'm doing this post on the same day (or well, night now) as the post I did for The Dragonborn Comes, so I'm still eagerly awaiting the video for Omar's newest collaboration with Voiceplay, and I can barely wait! It's gonna be amazing, I can feel it!

[ask-thedarkurge]

While I don't doubt you're merely playing the long game, you've been awfully erm...Nice, recently master! Hardly any wicked behaviour at all- your father is becoming oh so displeased with you, he's even threatened to take away that lovely Slayer form he gifted you!!

I only want the best for you master, perhaps some murder is in order yes? Bhaal hasn't had a sacrifice from you in quite a while, I'd so dread to see you suffer because of it! And I'm sure your knife arm must be most unhappy, not even getting used!

-Your loyal butler, Sceleritas Fel 🎩

"Nice? I feel like I didn't stray that far... It's hard to balance everyone's needs." He sighs in frustration, knowing that it's his former allies' fault - they keep stopping him from having fun. "Hmm, even though I haven't brought out the Slayer in quite some time, it would be a shame to lose that ability." There just haven't been any good moments to turn into the avatar of Lord of Murder. He misses the times when he had so many enemies after him. Even Vlaakith's soldiers have seemingly left him alone, which is such a shame because they always put up a nice fight.

"It hasn't been a tenday yet but I think I know what you mean. Father expects me to do better than his regular followers." He pauses to contemplate the next course of action, how to make it up to his Father. What if he-

A smile stretches on his face and he feels his bloodlust rise from just the idea he has. "I'm going to kill various clerics of Father's divine enemies. Make them feel abandoned by their gods as I butcher them in Bhaal's name, their mangled corpses put on display for everyone... This is going to be a long night. Feel free to accompany me, Sceleritas. It's nice to have an appreciative audience."

[sincerecinnamon]

My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead, murdered by my brother-in-law Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, Hank came to me with a rather, shocking proposition. He asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. Connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded, I... I always thought that Hank was a very moral man and I was... thrown, confused, but I was also particularly vulnerable at the time, something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me on a ride along, and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin so I agreed. Every day, I think back at that moment with regret. I quickly realized that I was in way over my head, and Hank had a partner, a man named Gustavo Fring, a businessman. Hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man, and when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling out. From what I can gather, Hank was always pushing for a greater share of the business, to which Fring flatly refused to give him, and things escalated. Fring was able to arrange, uh I guess I guess you call it a "hit" on my brother-in-law, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured, and I wound up paying his medical bills which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge, working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring, and did so. In fact, the bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen in the ranks to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA, and about that time, to keep me in line, he took my children from me. For 3 months he kept them. My wife, who up until that point, had no idea of my criminal activities, was horrified to learn what I had done, why Hank had taken our children. We were scared. I was in Hell, I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, to end this nightmare, and in response, he gave me this. I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. I... All I could think to do was to make this video in hope that the world will finally see this man, for what he really is.

Haven't seen this in a while 😌

[magnetarbeam]

Scandal of the Century (WIP 2)

[The changes are mostly additions to the scene I wasn't finished with in the last version, and I did manage to work some of my thoughts about Jaina and Tahiri into an actual fic for the first time.]

“Do they have any clue about me?” Zekk asked.

Jaina and Jag considered their mutual fiancee's question as Javis Tyrr's holonews footage revealing the two's relationship played on the viewscreen in front of them.

“I don't think so,” Jaina admitted.

“I haven't seen any evidence of it,” Jag agreed after a second. “And we would have.”

The grins that crossed Jaina and Zekk's faces told Jag that whatever they were plotting over their unusually strong bond could be nothing but mischief. That didn't necessarily mean it was a bad idea, but one of them had to be reasonable, and that was usually Jag.

”All right,“ he sighed, ”let's hear it.“

”Since the nexu's already halfway out of the cage,“ Jaina said, her mischievous smirk widening, ”I think we should have a little fun with it.“

—

As much as she would have wanted to see the looks on the Masters' faces, the three of them did feel that Jaina and Zekk's duty as Jedi obligated them to let the Council in on it.

”It would help draw media attention away from the Order,“ Kyle Katarn said contemplatively.

“Which we desperately need,” Cilghal agreed.

Acting Grand Master Kenth Hamner pressed a hand to his forehead and sighed in exhausted exasperation. He said nothing, and they all knew that a specific direct order would be the only way to stop Jaina and Zekk from carrying out their scheme.

Kyp had been grinning in anticipation ever since he heard the proposal. ”I can't wait to see the look on Daala's face when you finish with this.”

—

“You could start a whole new Imperial custom,” Jaina joked, making fun of Jag for accidentally shooting his deputy minister in the foot as he foiled the recent assassination attempt. Zekk grinned as the playful banter went on.

Not for the first time, Zekk thanked the Force for how much both of his lovers had healed in the last few years, since those days off on Kashyyyk when they had all collectively realized how they truly felt about each other, after Jag had had to deliberately set himself up for Jaina to deliberately almost kill him in order to get through to her about how much of herself she was losing to her fixation on her training.

“So, your imperial majesty,” he asked Jag playfully, “does Conspiracy: A Methodology offer any advice on the best time to start our little scheme?”

Jag hummed in consideration. “If I ever get my hands on a copy, I'll let you know.”

———

The viewscreen wall displaying an image of Alderaan blew out, and an assassin entered, followed by two YVH droids. Jaina, Zekk, Leia, Han and Jag felled the attackers before the Pangalactus security personnel even entered the room. But then they were standing amidst the wreckage, and Jag was on the receiving end of a fusillade of profuse apologies.

And Jaina shot Zekk a grin. Now? she asked over their bond.

Now, he agreed.

Conveniently standing behind Jag, but in full view of the other observers, the two pulled into a passionate kiss.

———

”Well,“ Lecersen remarked after a moment of stunned silence. “I didn't see that coming.”

”No way,” Treen laughed as the conspirators observed the immediate fallout of the expected failure. ”This is too perfect.“

Lecersen smiled and began drafting the holonews article, with the scandalous capture as the cover image.

———

Over their mercifully uninterrupted second attempt at that night's dinner, Jaina didn't even notice that her ADHD meds were starting to wear off, because she was so hyperfocused on her anticipation.

She found what she was looking for even faster than she'd expected to.

The rest of the conversation, whatever it was, stopped in its tracks as she collapsed into helpless laughter, dropping the datapad on the table.

”Oh, this has gotta be good,“ Han remarked in anticipation.

Tahiri, who had joined them on the way back from Pangalactus, was quicker than Zekk in snatching the datapad from the table.

“'Jedi Cheating Scandal!'“ Jaina's sister read excitedly, raising her voice to be heard over Jaina's cackling. ”'The revelation of Head of State Jagged Fel's relationship with Jedi Knight Jaina Solo has drawn plenty of criticism from many, particularly Fel's detractors among the Imperial Remnant.'”

Tahiri paused for a moment as Jaina finally managed to get a grip, but the ”Galactic Empire“ correction didn't come because Jag had food in his mouth.

”'But it appears the situation may be even more complicated than anyone had realized,'“ Tahiri continued. ”'Mere hours ago, Head of State Fel was dining at the Pangalactus restaurant with his girlfriend, her parents, and fellow Jedi Knight Zekk, when an assassin blasted through a wall and attempted to kill Fel, followed by two YVH combat droids that attempted to kill the Organa-Solos in an apparently unrelated attack.

”'As the local security personnel arrived and conversed with Fel, Jedi Solo and Jedi Zekk kissed each other in full view of the holocams.'”

Tahiri paused for a moment, staring at the datapad incredulously, before continuing. “'Historically, Jedi Solo is not known for subtle approaches to problems, so it is quite a shock that she could keep a man as observant as Fel in the dark about a secret affair.

“'If Head of State Fel has not already heard of this story, he undoubtedly will soon. We wish him the best.'”

“And so,” Tahiri concluded dramatically, ”the Trickster works her magic again.“

”Kriff off, Ri.“ Jaina's smile belied the halfhearted eyeroll with which she habitually reacted to her sister's references to the act of deception that had long since become a running joke between them.

The nickname Ri was the syllable shared in the names from both of the personalities who had merged to form the individual who was called Tahiri today, and might or might not choose to be called Riina tomorrow. One never really knew.

[I don't really know where to go next with this. I've thought of having some scene spun off Jag's meeting with Lecersen in reaction to the attack at Pangalactus, which takes us to the end of Backlash. I might skip to mid(?)-Allies when the Skykhai vid goes viral, and the "breakup" of Jaina and Jag would also be staged for drama.]