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sneezypeasy · 6 months

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Why I Deliberately Avoided the "Colonizer" Argument in my Zutara Thesis - and Why I'll Continue to Avoid it Forever

This is a question that occasionally comes up under my Zutara video essay, because somehow in 2 hours worth of content I still didn't manage to address everything (lol.) But this argument specifically is one I made a point of avoiding entirely, and there are some slightly complicated reasons behind that. I figure I'll write them all out here.

From a surface-level perspective, Zuko's whole arc, his raison d'etre, is to be a de-colonizer. Zuko's redemption arc is kinda all about being a de-colonizer, and his redemption arc is probably like the most talked about plot point of ATLA, so from a basic media literacy standpoint, the whole argument is unsound in the first place, and on that basis alone I find it childish to even entertain as an argument worth engaging with, to be honest.

(At least one person in my comments pointed out that if any ship's "political implications" are problematic in some way, it really ought to be Maiko, as Mai herself is never shown or suggested to be a strong candidate for being a de-colonizing co-ruler alongside Zuko. If anything her attitudes towards lording over servants/underlings would make her… a less than suitable choice for this role, but I digress.)

But the reason I avoided rebutting this particular argument in my video goes deeper than that. From what I've observed of fandom discourse, I find that the colonizer argument is usually an attempt to smear the ship as "problematic" - i.e., this ship is an immoral dynamic, which would make it problematic to depict as canon (and by extension, if you ship it regardless, you're probably problematic yourself.)

And here is where I end up taking a stand that differentiates me from the more authoritarian sectors of fandom.

I'm not here to be the fandom morality police. When it comes to lit crit, I'm really just here to talk about good vs. bad writing. (And when I say "good", I mean structurally sound, thematically cohesive, etc; works that are well-written - I don't mean works that are morally virtuous. More on this in a minute.) So the whole colonizer angle isn't something I'm interested in discussing, for the same reason that I actually avoided discussing Katara "mothering" Aang or the "problematic" aspects of the Kataang ship (such as how he kissed her twice without her consent). My whole entire sections on "Kataang bad" or "Maiko bad" in my 2 hour video was specifically, "how are they written in a way that did a disservice to the story", and "how making them false leads would have created valuable meaning". I deliberately avoided making an argument that consisted purely of, "here's how Kataang/Maiko toxic and Zutara wholesome, hence Zutara superiority, the end".

Why am I not willing to be the fandom morality police? Two reasons:

I don't really have a refined take on these subjects anyway. Unless a piece of literature or art happens to touch on a particular issue that resonates with me personally, the moral value of art is something that doesn't usually spark my interest, so I rarely have much to say on it to begin with. On the whole "colonizer ship" subject specifically, other people who have more passion and knowledge than me on the topic can (and have) put their arguments into words far better than I ever could. I'm more than happy to defer to their take(s), because honestly, they can do these subjects justice in a way I can't. Passing the mic over to someone else is the most responsible thing I can do here, lol. But more importantly:

I reject the conflation of literary merit with moral virtue. It is my opinion that a good story well-told is not always, and does not have to be, a story free from moral vices/questionable themes. In my opinion, there are good problematic stories and bad "pure" stories and literally everything in between. To go one step further, I believe that there are ways that a romance can come off "icky", and then there are ways that it might actually be bad for the story, and meming/shitposting aside, the fact that these two things don't always neatly align is not only a truth I recognise about art but also one of those truths that makes art incredibly interesting to me! So on the one hand, I don't think it is either fair or accurate to conflate literary "goodness" with moral "goodness". On a more serious note, I not only find this type of conflation unfair/inaccurate, I also find it potentially dangerous - and this is why I am really critical of this mindset beyond just disagreeing with it factually. What I see is that people who espouse this rhetoric tend to encourage (or even personally engage in) wilful blindness one way or the other, because ultimately, viewing art through these lens ends up boxing all art into either "morally permissible" or "morally impermissible" categories, and shames anyone enjoying art in the "morally impermissible" box. Unfortunately, I see a lot of people responding to this by A) making excuses for art that they guiltily love despite its problematic elements and/or B) denying the value of any art that they are unable to defend as free from moral wickedness.

Now, I'm not saying that media shouldn't be critiqued on its moral virtue. I actually think morally critiquing art has its place, and assuming it's being done in good faith, it absolutely should be done, and probably even more often than it is now.

Because here's the truth: Sometimes, a story can be really good. Sometimes, you can have a genuinely amazing story with well developed characters and powerful themes that resonate deeply with anyone who reads it. Sometimes, a story can be all of these things - and still be problematic.*

(Or, sometimes a story can be all of those things, and still be written by a problematic author.)

That's why I say, when people conflate moral art with good art, they become blind to the possibility that the art they like being potentially immoral (or vice versa). If only "bad art" is immoral, how can the art that tells the story hitting all the right beats and with perfect rhythm and emotional depth, be ever problematic?

(And how can the art I love, be ever problematic?)

This is why I reject the idea that literary merit = moral virtue (or vice versa) - because I do care about holding art accountable. Even the art that is "good art". Actually, especially the art that is "good art". Especially the art that is well loved and respected and appreciated. The failure to distinguish literary critique from moral critique bothers me on a personal level because I think that conflating the two results in the detriment of both - the latter being the most concerning to me, actually.

So while I respect the inherent value of moral criticism, I'm really not a fan of any argument that presents moral criticism as equivalent to literary criticism, and I will call that out when I see it. And from what I've observed, a lot of the "but Zutara is a colonizer ship" tries to do exactly that, which is why I find it a dishonest and frankly harmful media analysis framework to begin with.

But even when it is done in good faith, moral criticism of art is also just something I personally am neither interested nor good at talking about, and I prefer to talk about the things that I am interested and good at talking about.

(And some people are genuinely good at tackling the moral side of things! I mean, I for one really enjoyed Lindsay Ellis's take on Rent contextualising it within the broader political landscape at the time to show how it's not the progressive queer story it might otherwise appear to be. Moral critique has value, and has its place, and there are definitely circumstances where it can lead to societal progress. Just because I'm not personally interested in addressing it doesn't mean nobody else can do it let alone that nobody else should do it, but also, just because it can and should be done, doesn't mean that it's the only "one true way" to approach lit crit by anyone ever. You know, sometimes... two things… can be true… at once?)

Anyway, if anyone reading this far has recognised that this is basically a variant of the proship vs. antiship debate, you're right, it is. And on that note, I'm just going to leave some links here. I've said about as much as I'm willing/able to say on this subject, but in case anyone is interested in delving deeper into the philosophy behind my convictions, including why I believe leftist authoritarian rhetoric is harmful, and why the whole "but it would be problematic in real life" is an anti-ship argument that doesn't always hold up to scrutiny, I highly recommend these posts/threads:

In general this blog is pretty solid; I agree with almost all of their takes - though they focus more specifically on fanfic/fanart than mainstream media, and I think quite a lot of their arguments are at least somewhat appropriate to extrapolate to mainstream media as well.

I also strongly recommend Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians" which the author, a verified giga chad, actually made free to download as a pdf, here. His work focuses primarily on right-wing authoritarians, but a lot of his research and conclusions are, you guessed it, applicable to left-wing authoritarians also.

And if you're an anti yourself, welp, you won't find support from me here. This is not an anti-ship safe space, sorrynotsorry 👆

In conclusion, honestly any "but Zutara is problematic" argument is one I'm likely to consider unsound to begin with, let alone the "Zutara is a colonizer ship" argument - but even if it wasn't, it's not something I'm interested in discussing, even if I recognise there are contexts where these discussions have value. I resent the idea that just because I have refined opinions on one aspect of a discussion means I must have (and be willing to preach) refined opinions on all aspects of said discussion. (I don't mean to sound reproachful here - actually the vast majority of the comments I get on my video/tumblr are really sweet and respectful, but I do get a handful of silly comments here and there and I'm at the point where I do feel like this is something worth saying.) Anyway, I'm quite happy to defer to other analysts who have the passion and knowledge to give complicated topics the justice they deserve. All I request is that care is taken not to conflate literary criticism with moral criticism to the detriment of both - and I think it's important to acknowledge when that is indeed happening. And respectfully, don't expect me to give my own take on the matter when other people are already willing and able to put their thoughts into words so much better than me. Peace ✌

*P.S. This works for real life too, by the way. There are people out there who are genuinely not only charming and likeable, but also generous, charitable and warm to the vast majority of the people they know. They may also be amazing at their work, and if they have a job that involves saving lives like firefighting or surgery or w.e, they may even be the reason dozens of people are still alive today. They may honestly do a lot of things you'd have to concede are "good" deeds.

They may be all of these things, and still be someone's abuser. 🙃

Two things can be true at once. It's important never to forget that.

#zutara discourse #the colonizer argument #anti anti zutara #text post #long post #anti maiko #anti mai #tagging just in case #anti purity culture #this is not an anti-ship safe space

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ladykakata · 8 days

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Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich are honestly good influences on each other

I swear I'll write proper posts sometime, but it's been swilling around my head with my other thoughts, so I might as well put it down here.

Mickey and Ian are chaotic nonsense idiots, and yet I cannot argue they don't have a good as well as bad influence on each other and that develops as they age (and constantly get pulled back together whenever they break up lmao).

Ian's influence on Mickey

It's a running joke that Mickey in the early series is this filthy goblin just running around being a hoodlum and ... yeah, he is lmao. But it's very notable as the series progresses that he starts becoming cleaner and dressing nicer the more time he spends with Ian. The man specifically wore a shirt to see Ian in the mental ward ffs. Not only that he actually *tries* working a normal job and socialising, something he is deeply uncomfortable with, but does it for Ian's sake. It doesn't escape my notice that he specifically wants to work with Ian whenever he can, probably tying in to my earlier point that he is only completely comfortable around Ian.

If you told S1 Mickey he would be helping his paraplegic father into the house and getting home nursing for him, he would wonder what kind of sick joke you were playing. But he does, something that even surprises Ian at first. Ian inspires Mickey to talk more about his feelings, he openly admits to thinking about missing Ian, whereas before he threatened to cut Ian's tongue out for saying that Ian missed Mickey. The idea of Mickey changing ANYTHING for anyone else is foreign ... but not if Ian suggests it to him the right way.

Ian's non-judgemental or at least lightly judgemental treatment of Mickey allows the man to be far more comfortable with himself. Though still highly defensive, I think it's telling Mickey is completely unashamed to be a bottom in front of Ian, and Mickey can make socially awkward gestures or gaffs and Ian doesn't upbraid him or make him feel like shit for doing the 'wrong' thing. Hell, as much as Ian was utterly, UTTERLY confused at Mickey's groomzilla episode, he mostly kept his confusion silent and simply reined Mickey in when he was losing his temper with vendors. The flower shop scene has Mickey blithely retorting that while Ian was gay, he 'just likes having another man's dick in my ass'. Ian in the same scene was tensing his jaw at the homophobia from the florist, and normally Mickey is quick to snap at anyone who considers him gay ("You calliin' me gay?" before slamming a bar owner's head into the counter), he simply bats it away as he's more focused on the flowers he wants and only becomes aggressive when the services are threatened to be withdrawn. Ian was always sure and comfortable with his sexuality and had little to no tolerance of homophobia, whereas Mickey was in either strict denial or profoundly uncomfortable and highly secretive.

Mickey's influence on Ian

The most obvious one is that Mickey was Ian's guardian during his bipolar struggles once Mickey finally realised what a problem it as, and he was determined to nurse Ian until he recognised (to his horror) he couldn't deal with this on his own and Ian really did need professional nursing and help.

What strikes me in a lot of scenes, both before and after that arc, is that Ian almost has Mickey as a constant in his life. It's a topic more for aspects of Ian's personality, but Mickey was the person Ian turned to when he had no-one else in S1, when he was in the 72 hour psychiatric hold he explicitly says 'Mickey is waiting for me'. Ian's life is constant chaos, much like Mickeys, and Ian is the sort of person who needs and thrives on structure when his brain isn't acting out. Mickey was a constant, someone to always come back to and someone he could rely on. In a way, I also see Mickey as someone who can be the impulsive one of the pair, letting Ian take the role of the mediator. It's easier for you to resist your own stupid impulses if your override kicks in because someone else is doing something foolish.

As much as I joke that Ian is the only person Mickey listens to, the same happens the other way around in the bipolar arc. During Ian's Military Police hallucination, it was Mickey who broke through the delusion after the shock of almost attacking Debbie brought Ian abruptly back to reality. Even as Mickey at first acts with his typical aggression ("There's nothin' out there! Fuckin' look!") and literally dragging him to the front door to prove the other side is the same, he gently reassures Ian that everything is alright and herds him upstairs to get dressed. Mickey made sure to get explicit instructions on Ian's medication and even measured it out for him ("Shut up and take your pills, bitch" is still one of my favourite lines).

I had more thoughts but my brain is soup and I still want to do a post on Ian's mental health and how he interacts with the world.

Send a prompt or aspect of these two if you want to hear me talk absolute garbage about these lovesick idiots

#Gallavich #Ian Gallagher #Mickey Milkovich #Ian x Mickey #Gallavich Musings #Shameless US

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oursecretways · 4 months

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Is this what you call self-care?

Felix × Reader note(s): I am at the point where I feel like playing 72 hours of Stardew Valley is perfectly reasonable, so I hope u enjoy my first fanfic. Also, idk about you, but I feel like he would def enjoy some Zelda 😌… also, this isn't the longest fic out there, but it is a short story after all. Enjoy!☻ genre(s): fluff, silce of life word count: 1,795 warning(s): light cursing Just a chill day with Felix, while you’re trying to make progress with your uni work

masterlist

It was a regular Saturday for you, waking up at 6 AM and feeling your boyfriend's arm around you. After you turn your alarm off, you turn to look at him, smiling. His long, blond hair fell into his angelic face. It is so hard to not say fuck it and stay in bed with Felix, but you—with the smallest of movements to not wake him—get out of bed, making your way to the bathroom to get ready. After you get yourself into some comfy stay-at-home-and-study clothes, you brew yourself a cup of coffee with some coconut milk.

You've been researching for your midterm paper for a while now. It wasn't the worst topic, but selecting what's important and what isn't is where you were hopeless.

After restarting it for the hundredth time, you heard movements from your bedroom. You peeked out of the study/gaming room to see Felix's tired face, which filled your heart with warmth. "Good morning, love. How did you sleep?" He looked back at you while he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. "I slept well until some gremlin left from next to me way too early this morning." A smile crept up his face, reaching out for your hand so he could pull you in for a hug. He kept you close with one hand, resting his face on your head while you hid in the crook of his neck. His sweet scent filling your nose. "How's your university work going?" you scrunch your face, not even wanting to think about the research and writing your essay. "Well, I read a lot, but I do not know where to begin or what things are the necessities to put into my paper." You felt yourself wanting to throw a tantrum like the 5-year-old who you are at heart. He kissed your forehead, then put his pinky out. "Okay, I have a trade offer; once you're halfway done, we can play on our farm together." Your eyes lit up. You've been pretty hooked on Stardew Valley for a while now, especially since the new update, and you got Felix to play with you on his days off. Sadly, they've been pretty busy with their comeback, so you couldn't hang out as much. He usually got home by the time you were asleep, and you went to class or to the library to learn before he woke up, since it was soon time for your final exams. You only have one year back from your university, and you don't want setbacks, so it is important to get a good grade. Your parents would be pleased as well since you flew to another city to learn specifically there, so you want to make them proud. You link your pinkies together to form an unbreakable promise. "Okay, but no distractions! If you want to play, please play in the living room; we both know I won't ever finish my assignment with you distracting me." He chuckles and nods his head in agreement. You happily made yourself another cup of coffee, then went back to the study to work on your task. You still cannot believe it that you somehow snagged such a perfect man: he is supportive, understands your concerns, and can always accept your compromises. He openly talks to you about how he feels and bravely tells you if something bothers or concerns him. You honestly can't believe these past couple years have been real.

You've made a bit of progress; it helped that you talked with your old dorm roommates—you moved in with Felix about half a year now; you two realized that it would be the easiest since you went over any given chance anyways. They gave some good suggestions. Once you caught up with each other, you four said your goodbyes, since all of you have a lot of work to get done by the end of this month. After some time, you smelled a sweet scent coming from the kitchen. The door opened before you could sneak out to have a peek. Felix brought in your favorite cookies; it was a mixture of his classic chocolate chip and your oatmeal cookies recipe. You two perfected it while he got some time off, and you didn't have school just yet. His brown eyes looked at you proudly behind the plate of cookies with milk in his other hand. "How's your progress, baby?" He bent down to give you a peck on the lips. You waited until he put the plate and the cup down, then patted the ground next to you, signaling for him to sit down. He didn't waste any seconds, and plopped right next to you, happy that he could sit beside his girlfriend. Felix didn't want to make you feel pressured; he just wants to spend as much time as possible with you before he has to go back to endless dance practice, content creation, etcetera. You both know he loves doing what he does, but it can get overwhelming sometimes. They got cussed out a lot for the smallest of things, getting bullied and going as far as getting death treats. He was grateful for being able to work his dream job, and he is also happy that you understand what this kind of life comes with.

Felix watched you type your thoughts out in your document and started to play with your hair, which made you relax instantly. You couldn't help but melt into his touch. You leaned onto his shoulder, feeling exhausted. "I am almost done with half of my assignment; I just need another page, but I feel like my brain cells are giving up on me." He chuckled, placing a kiss on your head. "You got this; I believe in you." He started giving kisses all around your face, which soothed your tired thoughts. Felix eventually kissed your lips; the kiss was sweet and made you feel like you're under the sun at the beginning of the spring. You reciprocated immediately, feeling as though time had stopped—no tasks, no school, no pressure—just you and him tangled together in a complete state of Nirvana. Before it could get heated, Lixie pulled away, holding you firmly, so he kept up his strenght to not distract you further. "Is it okay if I play Zelda while I lay in your lap?" You saw a hint of pink on his face, making you smile. "Well, I am close to finishing it, so why not? I don't think it can cause any harm." Felix got up excitedly to get his switch with his headphones. He laid down and got comfortable, then started playing his game. He has been quite into it lately. The game was beautiful, and there were a lot of things to do. The excitement in him got you into playing it, asking for his help in some harder situations.

When you got done with half of your paper, you looked down and saw a sleeping Felix with a gaming console on the ground next to him. He looked so peaceful like this: his pink lips parted, his eyelashes casting shadows on his face, and his freckles painting constellations onto his features. You can't help but start connecting the dots on his face with your fingers, making his eyes flutter as he awakens. "What are you doing, gorgeous?" You lean down to kiss him as a response. You feel like you're going to explode with all the feelings inside your chest. "I am done with half of my paper; I didn't want to wake you, sorry." You pout just a little, earning a smile as he reaches for your face to caress it. "That's my good girl. Are you ready for some farming time?" You nod, knowing that you're going to end up either playing until the sun gets up again or none at all and will end up cuddling in bed.

You two made some lunch and plopped down besides each other. Your desks have been set against one another, his PC taking up one desk while yours is cluttered by notes and books for your university courses; you just keep pushing it back each time you take your laptop out instead of organizing it. Felix tried to reason with you or help with that mess, but that's how you were, looking unorganized yet knowing exactly what is where, always on point. That's what your grades always reflect: perfect or almost perfect scores, even though you procrastinate until the last minute. He smiled to himself, knowing how he and the boys wished they had this superpower.

You put on your two's favorite chill playlist and booted up the game. We made a lot of progress, stopping to occasionally show physical affection for each other or taking a quick bathroom or snack break. I didn't even notice how the time flied until you looked down on your watch, seeing that it had passed five a.m. "Yongbok, we have a problem. Have you checked the time?" He has been so into the game that he almost looked up into the corner to see the in-game time, realizing that this might become a problem in the future. "Oh shit, I didn't notice when it got this late. I mean, I am going to be okay; I won't work for a couple of days now, but when do you need to send this assignment in?" he asked, knowing damn well that you have a habit of sending in your tasks with one minute left on the clock, giving him a scare. One time, Chan got to see your study progress and felt his soul leave his body. He still remembers how he and Han watched how their leader scolded you about your academics and your attitude towards your learning, painting a picture of an overworked father lecturing his rebellious daughter, who—no matter what she's doing—will always be his treasure. It never got said out loud, but you became the younger sister of the group, with all the older members looking out for your happiness and safety. And Felix isn't sure that if you two ever break up—which, let's face it, is highly unlikely—he wouldn't get the shorter stick and wouldn't get scolded.

Once you two saved and logged off for the day, got ready for bed, you snuggled close to each other leaving sweet kisses on one another, fighting the strong urge to sleep. When he heard your breathing change, he knew that you were fast asleep, what he waited for all along. It makes him happy and calm, knowing you are asleep. He pressed a light kiss on your forehead.

"Good night, my love," and with that, he dozed off to sleep as well.

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daftdrac · 3 days

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If you were in a conversation, what topic would you like to talk about? :D

Something X-Men related, probably specifically anything deadpool or wolverine (Deadpool isn't exactly X-Men but I'm counting him cause he's also a part of this hyperfixation) anyways I LITERALLY GOT THIS NOTIFICATION WHILE IM WATCHING THE WOLVERING AND THE XMEN CARTOON LMAOOO Yeah I'm super into. X-Men shit right now because I watched Deadpool 3 and my brain said YES. THAT. I am absolutely taking this as an opportunity to rant by the way cause there is so much random shit about this show that has me giggling. Errrmmm spoiler warning I guess ?

FIRST OF ALL LOGANS VOICEEEEEVEVEVDBDBE 👹👹👹 I'm not one to simp for fictional characters (lie) but I'm down bad JUST because of the voice (also lie im down bad for a lot of reasons)

ALSO THE FUCKING AMOUNT OF LOVE INTERESTS HE HAS IN THIS. JEAN, (KINDA-ISH) WHO DOESN'T SHOW UP UNTIL EPISODE 23 OF 26??? SOME RANDOM JAPANESE WOMAN WHO'S MARRIED TO A SAMURAI?? SOME ALIEN-MUTANT-THING WOMAN WHO WORKED WITH HIM AND WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND BEFORE HE LOST HIS MEMORIES OR SOMETHING ?? Emma kinda but not really she's not an explicit love interest but you can kinda tell it's a little implied at some points. I definitely am forgetting a few my memory is still shit but A BISEXUAL CHARACTER AND NOT A MALE LOVE INTEREST IN SIGHT <3 thats why Cyclops is here. He's supposed to be kind of a romantic rival to Logan kinda (cause they both like jean or whatever idk it REALLY doesn't seem like Logan likes jean all that much but I guess he does) but it really just ends in them having tension that feels less like they despise each other and more like they're waiting for everyone to leave them alone so they can go at it so I'm counting Scott even if he isn't like OFFICALLY a love interest he basically is

Oh also gambit is a thing for like 2 episodes. All he does is cause issues which. Gambit core I guess idk much about him 💀 all I know is he is REALLY like. Cunning and confident and shit. Tryin to think of the word. CHARMING yeah he's charming. Or supposed to be I guess he looks a little funny so he just makes me giggle looking at him. Honestly if he wanted to fuck Logan he could probably convince him to buy he's in love with one of magneto's daughters or whatever?? That he met for like a few hours and kissed once?? Before being thrown in a cell for kissing magneto's daughter??? And then abandoning her after promising to take her away from genosha with him?? I don't even know man.

Anyways I'm a complete noob X-Men fan I literally didn't know jack shit about anyone but Logan before I started watching this. Already a hardcore wolverine/cyclops fan they're gay to be fr with you. I should read some of the comics huh. Anyways here's my live reaction to Logan and Scott interacting like normal people:

Also silly goofy images from this show no I'm not sorry 3/4 are Logan he's BABYGIRL in this okay

Here have a poolverine meme to end this post

#daft asks #i like asks they're fun to answer especially when theyre open ended and i can do whatever i want with them #sorry bub im a #oh my god i just used bub instinctually #im gonna die . ANYWAYS THANKS FOR THE ASK SORRY ABOUT THIS LMAOO #x men #wolverine and the x men #xmen cartoon #wolverine #poolverine #logan howlett #james logan howlett #xmen cyclops #scott summers #jean grey #i dont know how to tag this shit man 😭#daft rambles

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just-sp-in-inginthevoid · 1 month

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Hey!! So these days I’ve remembered a joke that was quite popular in the fandom about Shinichiro not being able to get a girl because Wakasa was always with him and they would choose Waka over Shin. I just wonder how much of this could be true, since we don’t have any info of Wakasa interest in this topic or if he know he is good-looking and uses it to his favor.

Idk it is nice to hear your thoughts about it.

Hi there!!

First of all, I love the idea that Shinichiro got rejected so many time because of a bunch of different reasons, one being that his flirting skills are so bad his awkwardness somehow surpasses his good looks (I'll argue that in-canon he was meant to embody any average Japanese man with no specific physical trait (despite having a mixed-race dad) but like, scratch that, Shinichiro is handsome. Perhaps not in an outstanding, eye-catching way, but he is very good looking.) and leads to girls basically running away because he's being overly head over heels for a first meeting, is being a tiny bit too hopelessly romantic than it's acceptable (and sounds desperate sometimes) or starts talking about bikes because he saw an opportunity to and he lovesss talking about them (and the only other conversation topic that comes easily to him is his siblings) so it can go on for hours - so they leave. Shame on them.

(Another reason is because he goes up to girls he saw from afar before confessing his love and they reject him because.. they don't know him - at most they know his face but he barely if ever spoke with them. He's a loser, I love him)

Secondly: Wakasa's part in all of this.

We already know Wakasa loves to mess with people, to troll them (it's in the guide book), and we also know that Wakasa - alongside Benkei - made fun of Shinichiro rather often (teen Wakasa and teen Benkei's sole two lines are really just this lol (chapter 230 and 269)). I'd find it hard to believe for Wakasa to not be aware of his attractiveness. I don't see him looking for a relationship, but he must know the impact he has on others - even only objectively speaking.

So honestly? I think he'd do it, yeah, just to laugh at Shinichiro (playfully of course, he has no ill intent). It also helps to sort girls who'd go to other (more attractive or not) men given the chance. Shinichiro would do bad with casual relationships, he wants to give all of his heart to the person he loves, he doesn't want one that can end. Wakasa rather have Shinichiro cry because 'it's unfair!! a girl was finally interested in me, why did you have to steal her heart?!!' than get his heart broken because he thought they had something only for her to leave once she found someone else.

(Alternatively, Shinichiro simply whining that if Wakasa wasn't there, he'd have a girlfriend by now because they wouldn't just all focus on Wakasa - whether he did anything for them to focus on him or not)

It robs Shinichiro from possible relationships, but it's more of a test from Wakasa than a mean joke. Because Shinichiro is his dear friend and he deserves the best. He gets hurt easily, and one of Wakasa's job - as a friend and as one of Black Dragon member - is to protect him to the best of his capacities. Physical and emotional wounds both

Also it's funny to see Shinichiro's reactions to it.

And it's not like he does something everytime - people look at him more than they look at Shinichiro whether he intends for it or not! He's not stopping it, though

I may have gotten too serious about a fandom joke, oopsies

#i love talking about black dragon founders ask me more about black dragon founders it makes me feel alive and worthy too to be asked about #black dragon founders i love them so much #(or literally any other characters. i love all of tr very much. there are characters i dont think as frequently or at the same intensity as #others ofc - theres no escaping it - but its nice to think about them more when i dont usually give them much thought - just love)#(okay there are exceptions but who here is going to ask me about kiyomasa & his squad or Osanai?)#(might be interesting to look at them objectively tho.. hm... first antagonists who do have a big impact on the story despite having such a #small/quick role... hm...)#tokyo revengers #tok rev #tokrev #tr #black dragon founders #tr wakasa #tokrev wakasa #wakasa imaushi #tr shinichiro #tokrev shinichiro #shinichiro sano #its always the same with asks im always left wondering if i answered well/the way that was intended. apologies for that i tend to overthink #this kind of stuffs #i loveee asks tho #answering asks #asks

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polyamorousmood · 5 months

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How do you deal with insecurity in a polyam relationship?

I've been in a poly V before, with my girlfriend at the time, and her other partner; but I honestly wasn't really invested in the relationship so I wasn't bothered.

I feel like,, if I have a partner and we either a) accept another and form a triad or b) I end up with a metamour again, I would end up worrying that my parner(s) would leave me to simply be together.

(For context, I have AvPD so like... abandonment is a complex of mine and I'm working on it but I'm still so insecure a lot of the time.)

So.. yeah. I've seen you address jealousy/envy, and I know I'd probably deal with a bit of that (in the sense that 'oh, b gets to spend time with c while I'm at work, I'm envious' kind of way) but I know that insecurity would be the thing that would bother me the most

Polysecure by Jessica Fern is generally considered a holy text 🛐of polyamory and this exact question in particular. I haven't read it personally (yet. Its on my list my list is just long 😅) So if you haven't given that a go yet, everyone I know who has read it, has recommended at least sections of it. I know it talks about attachment styles and how to handle those, which might be helpful if you have avoidant personality disorder.

The other thing, of course, is consider bringing this up with a therapist, because I am not one. And this seems like a touchy enough topic that everything I say here is pulled from my experience and should be taken as "ideas to think about🤔" and not "clinical advise that will Fix It🪄" As per usual, LOTS to go over here. So. read more.

P.S. after typing up everything, I realized this post I wrote to help a supportive partner address insecurity might also be helpful for you, and even has a worksheet! Its probably better formatted too. So.. maybe I wasted my typing here 😓. C'est la vie.

Firstly, you never said you identify as polyamorous. So if you're not... you could just date monogamously 🤷 as much as I love 💟polyamory and would like it if the whole world loved it too, if that's gonna be too big a thing for you, there's no reason you have to bother at all.

If you are going to date polyamorously for whatever reason, BEFORE you introduce another person to the mix, have a regular, set time you and your partner spend apart. It sounds counter-intuitive, but maintaining your own social life and identity outside your partner is huge. Do this especially when you're super invested and want to spend every second with your partner. That's honestly true whether you're poly or not, but in this specific case. I think a lot of the fear is bolstered by the idea that without you there, your partner is just spending that time loving the other person. And maybe they'd like to do that more blah blah blah. But this proves that's not the case: when you're not there, you partner is getting drinks with the girls, or building model ships, or any other numerous things they like independent of you. And it also means you're not just pining over your partner when you're gone, you have other shit to do too. And you'll come to look forward to your two hours a week at the coffee shop (or whatever). You will learn reasonable time apart does not equal less romantic interest.

And then, on the flip side of that, set regular protected time with your partner. Not to say never ever will something come up that interrupts that. Emergencies arise🚨, or the time may have to be renegotiated later, etc etc. But having the confidence that no matter what, you'll have a movie date every week, or that Tuesday night is Romance Night, or whatever you decide on, can make it easier. It can help prevent you feeling taken for granted, and can naturally curb NRE with other people if that starts getting unruly. If your partner starts wanting to cut into this time for not-important-shit, tell them you're not okay with that, or -- and only if truly it feels okay to you -- at least get them to make the time up the next day. And you, of course, need to treat it as special too. Make the time important, fulfilling, and intimate. It can be any activity, as long as its bonding time -- quality time, in the truest sense of the word.

Take time to get to know yourself, and share it with your partner. What do you consider to be sacred between you and your partner? Are you okay with your meta and your partner having sacred things -- what type of things? Do you feel better knowing the details of your partner's other relationships, or will that make you more jealous? (I like knowing more, because the thought of my partner having this secret life without me makes me more insecure, but other people are very reasonably of the opinion that hearing that their partner had so much fun without them is a bummer.) How much about you are you okay with your partner dilvulging to your meta(s)? Go through this on as many things as you can think of. Now, what you're comfortable with is not the only factor here; you and your partner will probably both have to make some concessions to reach something workable, but I've found that process, with a good partner, to be more securing in and of itself. You both are working together towards a common understanding. Its generally good practice to avoid hard-and-fast rules here, when possible. For example, "I'm only okay with you dating others if you're home by 11🕚 every night" makes some sense, but if taken literally means if your partner gets a flat on the way home, or has to deal with your meta's mental breakdown, or even just wants to see a movie that won't finish until 11:05 -- that's a betrayal. Perhaps even just asking for a one-time allowance is a betrayal. Instead, work for understandings or guidelines. Maybe the similar understanding in this example is "its hard for me to sleep alone, so I'd like you to generally be home by 11:00, and notify me as soon as possible if that's not going to happen" and then when they bring up wanting to stay out late one night for something, you can ask if its possible for them to do it on a night you don't have to work in the morning (maybe they can, maybe they can't, the point here is that its a dialogue, see below). There will be some trial and error here, so be prepared for that and stick it out.

Don't take every problem as a sign things are doomed, or your partner is divesting, or your partner isn't worth your investment. There will be times when someone is actually abusive, or there will be irreconcilable differences. I'm not talking about those. I'm talking about "My partner is late for the second time this week, they're pulling away from me, this is the beginning of the end"-type shit. No it ain't. A good exercise for this is to explicitly outline your worst-case scenario💣, followed by a best case-scenario🌈, and then a few most likely cases⬜. So from our example above, worst case is that they're pulling away (so you have to pull away faster so you "win" and avoid pain), best case-scenario is that they're late because they're buying you a gift on their way home, and most likely scenario is that traffic's worse than they planned or they ran into someone at the gas station and stopped to talk for a bit or whatever.

Figure out how to self-soothe. Make a stache of nice things your partner has done for you that you can check on your own to remind yourself you're important to them. Reframe some of your jealous worries. Remind yourself of things you're looking forward to with your partner. Make a vent journal. Whatever clicks to you.

And as always, 🗣️talk to your partner. Productively talk to your partner.🗣️ Talk to your partner as much as possible about how things make you feel, and make sure they're doing the same. I talk more about how to talk through problems here, and its worth the read imho (even though its equally long). But for now, know that forming this habit on its own is functionally indistinguishable from being securely attached. As long as the communication is you and your partner vs the problem (and not, for example, your insecurity vs your partner's willingness to compromise), this will be good for the relationship, and you will feel better for doing it. But to form that habit, you have to do it with everything, not just Big Problems. You have to tell your partner sincerely how much you appreciate stuff they're getting right, you have to tell them about small problems that you can handle on your own, you have to tell them about things you're not sure how you feel about yet.

#jealousy #insecurity #poly relationship advice #ask box is always open

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danfrik · 9 months

Text

IT IS I, ONCE AGAIN.

Did'ya miss me? Probably not, anyway.

I'm here with another drawing that I kind of procrastinated to finish until today-

It took me like five hours to finish what I already had started...

But whatever, welcome again to my impulsive (and kind of stupid) little brain, I'm going to talk about this and you will read everything.

⚠️Minor/Major Spoilers Ahead⚠️

First things first.

I want to make clear that, yes, Miles and Phoenix switched bodies just like Aziraphale and Crowley did.

Those marks on Phoenix's face? Let's just say that that one headcanon about holy water tears is a thing here (because I'm a sucker for angst).

I also want to point out some details about the switch thing because... well, I just want to talk about every little detail, let me cook.

• On Good Omens (the TV show, of course), Crowley (as Aziraphale) has an ice cream while Aziraphale (as Crowley) has a popsicle, but here I decided to be special and reverse that because, honestly, I see Phoenix being more of a popsicle guy, and Miles more of an ice cream type of man, don't ask me why.

(Also, I gave Miles a strawberry ice cream with sprinkles and Phoenix a grape popsicle, I'm sure you know why.)

(Because Miles likes pink and Phoenix likes "grape juice", that's why.)

• One of the things that I did to make the switch slightly more obvious is the frown, more specifically Miles' frown, the old "Edgeworth glare™️".

So, no matter how hard Miles is pretending to be Phoenix, we cannot take away his glare. On the other hand, Phoenix is really expressive (even behind those shades, yes), so he'll try to keep it either slightly neutral or keep that rest bitch expression (did I say that right?).

I mean... he is pretending to be Miles, y'know?

• Other thing that I did was change Phoenix's clothes while Miles is pretending to be him.

Gave him a waistcoat and his tie back because, of course, Miles thinks they suit Phoenix just fine (and he is absolutely right) and because he could never dress like a basic bitch, he is a classy bitch after all.

Oh, and I gave Phoenix a little handkerchief, like I said, Miles is a classy bitch... with questionable fashion sense *stares at his jabot*.

And, not gonna lie, Phoenix has no fashion sense, at all, the only reason he slays like he does in his usual outfit, is because he takes Miles' advice every now and then, but if it were for him he would wear crocs with socks (I mean, based, I do that too).

• Oh, I almost forgot about a tiny detail.

Miles also managed to brush Phoenix's little flick of hair, you know that one.

He likes to be presentable, no hair out of place.

• Phoenix didn't change anything of Miles, he is perfect as it is (jabot and all, I guess).

Now that I covered those little details, I can proceed to talk about other things >:)

Actually, is more of the same topic anyway.

The whole switching bodies trick, that is.

Aside from the details about costume and mannerisms, I want to talk about both sides.

How Phoenix will act in heaven and Miles in hell?

I picture it kind of like this:

For Miles side, pretending to be Phoenix is not as difficult as he would've thought, at least for the bantering and body language part.

Quite surprisingly, he does pretty great, the only difficult part might be the facial expressions, but he managed to not catch anyone's attention anyway.

Like in the TV show (Good Omens, I mean), Miles exaggerates little things about Phoenix, like being a bit more dork, maybe even a bit nonchalant or flamboyant, slightly dramatic but not too much.

Now for Phoenix, it is kind of difficult for him to not react at the petty coments and keep a neutral face but he manages, though his eyes speak for him, of course.

He keeps this solemn atitude, even spoke with the same flourishness that Miles tends to speak with, and bows before the Archangels.

Not that he wants to, but he knows that Miles does that out of respect for any higher being.

His body is mostly stiff, not daring to make any sound unless necessary, he only dared to glare when the hellfire came and when they insulted Miles.

Miles, much like Aziraphale, played with the holy water, splashing just enough so it won't reach anyone but also enough so no one would dare to get close to him.

Also joked around and asked for a rubber duck and a towel (and almost dared to ask for some scented candles).

"Y'know? It is quite relaxing being like this, it feels refreshing, a demon could get used to this."

With Phoenix is quite similar as to how Crowley messed a little with the Archangels, but he didn't stay silent.

He took a deep breathe once he was on the fire, did the "breathing fire" trick as well, and made a little joke, as if taunting them for not being able to destroy Miles nor him.

"I've been to hell recently, it was really lovely if you ask me, warm and cozy... you'd like it."

And so, both sides let them go and switch back again.

Leading to a small talk about both sides leaving them alone for a while, the not-apocalypse, the "antichrist" and all that.

Of course, finishing with that date- I mean, dinner at the Ritz, cheering for the world while a nightingale sings not so far away.

Oh, and I want to add a little thing too!

When they stand up from the bench, after switching again, I kind of want Phoenix to make a little joke about his own name, kind of like:

"I'm gonna be honest with you, angel, I really felt like I raised from the ashes back there."

"Must you be so foolish all the time?"

"Aw, c'mon, you think it's funny, I can see you holding back!"

"Nonsense, I would never consider funny that ridiculous and foolish joke of yours..."

[Spoilers: He did]

Anyway, I think that's all, at least for now.

Thanks again if you have read all the way down, if you didn't... well, that's understandable, but thank you anyways!

Hope you have a nice day, stranger!

#ace attorney #miles edgeworth #phoenix wright #wrightworth #crowley #aziraphale #good omens #alternate universe #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #art #digital art #sorry for the long text #i just really need to let out my ideas once in a while #i didn't mean to be this obsessed #actually #i kinda did

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mountttmase · 1 year

Text

A Mountain To Climb - Chapter Eleven

Note - this was my favourite chapter to write so I hope you love it 🥰 I’d love to know you thoughts so please do let me know and thank you all so much for all your support on this series it’s honestly blown my mind 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount x Reader

Word count - 4.6k

Warnings - series will contain fluff, smut & angst

Masterlist

You were on the hunt for a specific lip liner and you were pretty sure you knew where it was. The bag Mason had dropped off all those weeks ago still sat by your door as you were unable to bring yourself to unpack it. You were meeting Sophia for a quick coffee as you’d taken Thursday and Friday off of work so you could treat yourself to a long weekend and she’d been messaging you about meeting up all week as she was going back to Germany for a few days.

In the end you told yourself to get over it, taking the bag into your room and unpacking it quickly as your makeup bag was on the bottom. You were almost there when your hand grabbed a plastic package and you took it out with a confused expression on your face. Your name was printed in the front with nothing else so you ripped into it quickly, curiosity getting the better of you as you couldn’t face going out and not knowing what it was.

You knew exactly what it was before you’d even got it out of the bag, the blue colour familiar to you instantly and you let out a small laugh as you held it up to reveal Masons name and number on the back of the Chelsea shirt he’d promised you. A small piece of paper was attached to the front by some tape and you carefully removed it before reading it.

Sorry it’s late, I tried getting you one with Kepa’s name on the back but was told it’s impossible so you’ll unfortunately have to put up with mine. I can’t wait to see you wear it next time you’re at the Bridge.

Lots of love

Mason xxx

You let out a short sharp breath after you’d finished reading before reading it again and then a third time. He’d clearly snuck this in the night you went to Bens and your eyes stung when you held it up again.

‘Stop crying’ you whispered to yourself with a laugh, placing the shirt down on your bed before hunting for the thing you went into your bag for in the first place. You knew you’d be late now but you rushed as quickly as you could to meet Sophia. You found her inside her favourite cafe with a small suitcase next to her and you quickly ordered before joining her.

She thankfully kept the conversation Mason free and even though you’d never discussed it with her you gathered she knew something had happed as her and Kai told each other everything and the more she avoided the topic the more you wanted to talk about him until you finally cave and asked.

‘If you don’t know then it’s fine, but do you know how Mason is?’ You asked quietly and she gave you a small smile to let you know it was okay. ‘I’ve tried to not look into anything but I just wanted to check he’s doing alright’

‘Honestly? He not been fantastic. I haven’t really heard from him but Kai said he seemed a bit brighter yesterday. In fact a loads of them are having a boys night tonight so I’m kinda glad I’ll be out of the country so I won’t have to deal with Kai’ she laughed as she rolled her eyes before her phone started ringing. It turned out to be the taxi she’d ordered for the airport and after a quick goodbye she was gone.

Rather than head straight home, you went to the park nearby and sat with your thoughts for the first time in a long time. You knew you wanted to speak to Mason but you had no idea how to go about it. In the end you pulled out your phone and typed up a message for him but you couldn’t seem to get the words right. Finally giving up and going home after about half an hour of trying.

Friday morning you’d set aside for a lie in. You didn’t get them very often but you’d been looking forward to it for weeks. Waking up on your own without the sound of your alarm felt like heaven and when you checked to see the time it was coming up to half nine which made you smile.

The five missed calls and a few texts from an unknown number made you curious though and you quickly read over the texts to see what was happening.

Your heart sunk as you read over what Ben had said, an uncomfortable churning in your tummy at the thought of him wanting you around in his drunken state and you just wanted to wrap him up and tell him he’s alright. You contemplated calling Ben but you knew you’d probably talk yourself out of it so you sent him a quick text and got yourself ready to go as fast as you could.

It was just over an hour later when you text Ben to let him know you were outside and he was soon pulling the door open, giving you a small smile at the sight of you.

‘Thank you for coming’ he whispered, holding the door open for you and you were shocked at the scene in front of you. Cups and rubbish strewn across the floor, different bits of furniture moved about and the whole place just felt like a giant mess. ‘Don’t worry about all this, Masons gonna call a cleaner when he gets up’ he told you and you gave him a curious look. ‘You can go wake him up if you want’

‘It’s fine I’ll wait. You can head off Ben, thanks for getting a hold of me’

‘It’s fine. Thanks for being here, I know he’ll appreciate it’ he nodded before he was out the door.

You couldn’t face sitting here in all this junk so you made your way to his kitchen and rummaged around to find some bin bags so you could make a start on tidying up. Once the hallway was put to rights you made a start on the living room and soon enough you were five bags deep and at the end of the roll. Figuring he must have some more in the cupboard you stood on a chair to so you could look higher up but they were just out of reach still, casing you to reach up onto you tiptoes and just as you placed a finger on them you lost your balance and tumbled to the floor, landing awkwardly on your wrist as you yelped out in pain.

‘Shit shit shit’ you whispered and ten seconds after you heard someone running down the stairs. You didn’t have time to think about seeing Mason properly for the first time in a month before he was standing in his kitchen doorway, dressed only in his boxers as he tried to fathom what was going on in-front of him.

‘Y/n? What are you doing here? Are you alright, what happened?’

‘I was trying to clean up’ you told him as he crouched down next to you. ‘I couldn’t reach the bags and I fell off the chair’

‘Are you hurt?’

‘My wrist is a bit’ you whispered as he placed your good arm around his shoulder and scooped you up before carrying you to his sofa. ‘I said my wrist, Mason. That doesn’t stop me from walking’ you squealed but he didn’t listen to you, just carefully placed you on the seat before running back off to the kitchen.

He came back moments later with a bag of frozen peas that he’d wrapped in a towel and after placing a cushion on your lap he popped your wrist onto it gently before laying the peas on top.

‘Just keep this here a sec yeah? I won’t be long’ he told you before going upstairs. You laid you head back and shut your eyes, taking some deep breaths as the pain eased ever so slightly. You were so in your own head you didn’t realise he was back until he was sitting next to you, now dressed in shorts and a hoodie as he placed some bandages on the coffee table. ‘Can I see?’ he whispered and you nodded as he gently removed the bag away from your hand.

Your wrist was a little swollen but you could wriggle your fingers without any pain which seemed to satisfy him but he insisted on wrapping it up for you, gently apologising every time you hissed or yelped in pain.

‘Are you sure nothing else hurts?’ He asked, securing the bandage at the end but you could only nod your head as you knew your voice would wobble. Once he was happy with his handy work he placed your hand back onto the cushion and looked up into your eyes. You knew they were glassy and he’d be able to read you straight away so you moved towards him and wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug you knew the pair of you so desperately needed.

He was shocked at first, but it didn’t take long for him to pull you closer and slot his head into your neck. The pair of you didn’t utter a word to each other as you sat there in a tight embrace, your good hand reaching up into his hair so you could scratch over his scalp lightly and you felt him melt into you even more. The only noise in the room was the sound of each others breathing until you built up the courage to pull back and look at him, his own eyes now full of tears making your heart break even more. You took a big gulp before speaking, your voice quite and wobbly.

‘I think we should talk’ you whispered and he nodded sadly. ‘There’s some stuff I need to tell you that I want you to know. You know I said It’ll explain a lot’ you you him with a little laugh and he gave you a sad smile.

‘Only if you’re sure’

‘I’m sure’ you told him and he shuffled down on the seat, placing a cushion down flat so it looked like a pillow.

‘Will you lay down with me? My heads thumping’ He told you nervously and you gave him a small smile before nodding. The pair of you laid down with your heads on the cushion, your hands automatically resting on his chest and as much as he tried to hide a smile, you could tell he was happy that you’d initiated some physical contact and he tentatively placed his arm around you waist. Even though you had a sweatshirt on you could feel him lightly tracing shapes on your back which settled you instantly. You wanted to tell him you missed him but you were trying to hold it together so you could talk to him.

‘I only ever speak to Freya about this stuff, I’ve never really got it all out in one go’ you muttered, warning him just in case you muddled your words but you could tell by his eyes that you were in safe hands.

‘It’s okay. Just take your time and if you don’t wanna tell me then you don’t have to’ he whispered and it took everything inside of you not to lean over and kiss him.

‘Do you remember that day we went for a walk?’

‘The day where you wore a red jumper and I accidentally insulted you?’ He joked and you let out a little laugh.

‘That’s the one’ you chuckled ‘you told me about your family and stuff and I felt so embarrassed about mine that I lied. My life was nothing like yours growing up’

‘That’s okay, I never want you to feel embarrassed about anything like that. I know not everyone grew up like I did’ he reassured you and you gave him a thankful smile before your hand moved up to his jaw, stroking over his stubble lightly out of habit and you watched him give you and adoring look. Even though you were comfortable as you were, you didn’t feel close enough to him so you shuffled forward, tangling your legs in between his as if the touch if his body on yours would give you the courage to speak.

‘Well it was just the three of us growing up. I never had any siblings or loads of extended family like it was literally just my parents and me. That’s all I ever knew. Then, when I was 12 I came home from school one day and my dad was gone. I didn’t think anything of it at first cause he was always the last one in but when it got to bed time and he still wasn’t there I asked what was going on and my mum told me he didn’t live with us anymore. She didn’t tell me why for a while but in the end I found out he’d been having an affair and he left us to start a new life with his other family’ you told him calmly and you felt him sigh next to you.

‘I’m so sorry, that sounds awful’ he whispered and you gave him a sad smile.

‘Yeah it wasn’t great, when you’re that old stuff like that sticks you know? Things were never the same after that. My mum didn’t help, I think I reminded her too much of him and she didn’t like being around me that much’

‘Well that’s her loss’ he mumbled before placing a quick kiss on your forehead which made you shiver.

‘Then, when I was 14 I got my first boyfriend. His name was Max and he was a boy in my class I’d had a crush on for ages. We were together all the time and I think it really pissed Freya and Maddie off at first’

‘Who’s Maddie?’ He asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.

‘My other best friend’

‘I didn’t know you had another one’

‘You’ll find out why’ you laughed and this time he laughed along with you. ‘Me and Max we’re together for seven years in total, his family was basically like mine and when I turned 17 they let me move in for a while so we could save up and get our own place. We had all these plans for our future…’ you trailed off and he pulled you in even tighter is that was possible.

‘Y/n please don’t get upset, you don’t have to do this’

‘No I’m fine. Honestly’ you told him, and with one final deep breath you finished your story. ‘It was my birthday and we’d all gone out to this club in London, I came out from the loo and could hear Millie giggling from behind the door that lead outside. I was curious so I followed the sound thinking I could tease her about whoever she was with but that’s when I heard Max’s voice. She was asking when he was gonna finally break up with me so they could be together properly and he told her soon. I didn’t give him the chance and ended it there and then. Turns out it had been going on for a year and I haven’t spoken to the two of them since’

‘Come here’ he whispered, and you didn’t realise you were crying until your head hit his neck and you felt the warm tears press onto your skin. The arm that you were laying on reached up so he could stroke your head whilst his other hand traveled under your top, stroking the bare skin of your back as he tried to offer you some comfort. ‘That sucks y/n I’m so fucking sorry’ he whispered into your hair and you nodded into his neck before pulling back ever so slightly.

‘I know it’s not an excuse, but when stuff like that happens to you twice you start to think it was your fault. Like everything I touch I seem to ruin’

‘None of that was your fault. People are shit sometimes and I’m so sorry that’s happened to you but please don’t blame yourself’

‘It’s why I didn’t want to let anyone else in, I didn’t want to feel like that again’ you hiccuped as he stroked up and down your back gently.

‘I know sweetheart’ he whispered, kissing your forehead and you felt yourself relax at his touch again. ‘I get it okay. I really do. Thank you for telling me’

‘Feels kinda nice to get it off my chest’ you whispered, already feeling lighter about not having to hide any part of yourself from him anymore and he smiled at you warmly. ‘I’m not done yet though’

‘Oh?’

‘That day you came over with my bag, and I shouted at you? Well I was on the phone to Freya when you knocked. She called me to ask if I was okay since she’d figured I’d seen something’

‘Seen what?’ He asked, his face scrunched up with confusion and all you wanted was to kiss his worry lines away.

‘Max and Millie got engaged. I saw it on instagram just before I answered the door’ you told him and you felt him sigh under your fingers. ‘I was so angry. Angry at them, angry about what I’d done to you and I just lost it. I know it’s not right but-‘

‘You don’t have to explain, y/n. I completely get it. I should of knocked a bit earlier I was standing outside your door for about ten minutes, I’m surprised no one complained about me’ he laughed and you couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

‘I’m not angry about it anymore. Why should I be? They both did a horrible thing and they’re welcome to each other. I guess I’m just annoyed they got their happy ending and I haven’t got mine’ you told him and he was smiling at you almost softly. ‘But I am sorry for what I did to you, and I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you at my house. You didn’t deserve any of that and you were right. Just because they were shit to me doesn’t mean I get to do it to you. I really am so sorry Mase’

‘I mean I shouted at you too’ he admitted and you watched the guilt wash over his face. ‘Im really sorry, I can’t believe I said all that’

‘I understand. I know I’m frustrating and I was awful to you. I only said all that stuff cause I knew it would hurt you and then maybe you could move on from me. I don’t want you to just brush it away like it’s fine cause I know it’s not’

‘I’m not, I just don’t want you to beat yourself up about it. I know you’ve felt bad about things but I’ve been feeling pretty awful about what I said too. We can’t change it but I’d love it if we could move on from it’

‘Yeah? I’d really like that’ you smiled and he gave you a sad smile back.

‘I’m sorry you saw me the other night and thought I was on a date too. I’ve been a bit of a grump for weeks and Bens sister was in town so a few of us went out but I get how you got to that conclusion and it wasn’t nice to see but I’d never do that to you’

‘I know’ you smiled, caressing his cheek to let it know everything was fine and by the way he settled into your touch he looked like he believed it.

‘I didn’t mean any of it at all, I just thought we were finally there you know? That i’d worn you down’ he laughed.

‘That we’d finally climbed the mountain?’ You whispered and he looked at you in confusion . ‘That day after Bens when we came back here and I napped on your sofa? I heard you on the phone saying you felt like you had a mountain to climb with me’ you told him with a smile and he laughed as he tried to hide his face.

‘I mean yeah, It did feel a bit like that. It knew it was going to be hard work, and I needed to be patient and keep going but once I got to the top I knew the view would be worth it and I’d get to see things that no one else would see’ he whispered and your whole body erupted in goosebumps at his sweet words

‘And how’s it looking from up there’ you joked as he tickled your back lightly.

‘Beautiful. So fucking beautiful you have no idea’ he breathed, his eyes flickering all over your face and you felt your chest grow warm as he looked at you with loving eyes.

‘I think I might’ you whispered, as the tears that were threatening to fall overflowed from your eyes and before you knew it your lips were on his.

You were both needy for each other, but you kept your kisses soft, knowing full well you’d have ample time to make up for the lost weeks. His tongue invaded your mouth almost instantly as it brushed up against your own and you could feel his heart hammering in his chest under your fingertips which made you smile knowing he was just as nervous as you.

You’d never had a kiss like this before and when he eventually pulled away the pair of you laid there out of breath and looking at each other full of shock.

‘Can I just check? You did come here to tell me that you want this right? Cause if you’re about to end everything after you just kissed me like that then I will go absolutely crazy’ he told you and you burst out laughing at his serious face.

‘I want this, I promise. I’m not gonna lie and say it’ll all be easy from here like I know I’ve still got stuff to work on but I don’t wanna do it on my own anymore. I like you, a lot more than I’ve ever really liked anyone and I just really don’t wanna loose you’

‘You’ve got me’ he whispered, a tiny smile flickering over his face to match yours. ‘You’ve had me from the second I walked out of my hotel room and found you outside’ he laughed and you cringed at the memory. ‘I thought you were a deranged fan at first’

‘Who says I wasn’t? Maybe this whole thing was just a ploy to make you mine’ you laughed and he tickled your back gently as you both laughed.

‘Well I’ll happily be yours’ he whispered and you felt your heart thud in your chest as he looked at you. ‘I want us to stick together and work through this, yeah? That doesn’t mean we have to put labels on anything just yet but I want you to know I’m here for you and when you’re ready to take the next step I’ll be ready too’

‘Why?’ You laughed, almost astounded at the way he spoke about you and cared for you. ‘I’ve been awful to you when you think about it’

‘Maybe I like a challenge’ he winked and you laughed whilst rolling your eyes. ‘I guess I thought we’d come so far from where we first started that I wasn’t willing to give up without a little bit of a fight and if that means giving you time then so be it. Yeah, I won’t lie it was a rocky start and I did wonder what’s the point sometimes but I’ve felt this pull to you from day one. Remember that first night we stayed at Bens? I couldn’t sleep for ages I just laid there and watched you and thought about how lucky I was that you’d come into my life. You’re smart, and cheeky and you’re kind when you want to be’ he winked and you rolled your eyes as he kissed your cheek ‘you’re also the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen’

‘I think you’re pretty too’ you giggled and he laughed as a deep blush crept over his cheeks.

‘If you’d let me, I’d like to be your happy ending’ he whispered almost shyly and you lent over to kiss his nose.

‘I’d like that a lot’ you whispered back, gripping onto him and you both giggled like little kids.

‘You got plans for the rest of the day?’ He asked, fingers still dancing over your back.

‘No, I was planning on sitting around and doing nothing’ you laughed. ‘Would you care to join me?’

‘The thought of doing nothing with you sounds better than doing anything with someone else’ he winked and you fake gagged as he tapped you on the bum in fake annoyance. ‘How did you get in by the way?’

‘Chilly text me, said you kept asking for me last night and asked if I could come over’

‘Of course he did’ Mason blushed as he tried to remember what he’d said last night.

‘You look like shit by the way, how much did you drink?’ You asked, gently stroking the bags under his eyes before you placed a soft kiss on the end of his nose.

‘Enough’ he laughed as you stroked his cheek, closing his eyes as he was enjoying the gentle feel of your fingers on his skin.

‘Why don’t I make you something to eat? Then we can have a nap?’ you asked and he nodded up at you shyly.

‘You’re the best’ he sighed pulling you into him even tighter as he pressed a few kisses against your neck. ‘But we can order something, I don’t want you hurting your hand anymore than it already is’ he told you leaning down to leave a gentle kiss over the bandage.

‘You’re lucky I don’t sue’ you winked before he pulled you up so he could grab his phone to see what he could order.

‘Oh yeah? What do you want? I’ll give it to you right now’ he laughed and you pointed to you cheek in hopes he would kiss it. It didn’t take much for him to lean over and place a delicate kiss to your cheek before gently gripping your chin so you were facing him. You watched his eyes flicker all over your face before they landed on your lips and he bought you in for a kiss just as soft. ‘That one’s free’ he winked before opening up his phone, leaving you looking down at him with a smile. Thankful that today had gone the way you’d hoped.

Tagged: @alwaysclassyeagle @ricsaigaslec @cinderellawithashoe @vip-access @majx00 @chelseagirl98 @mountpulisic @chaotic-taco-collector-blog

#mason mount #mason mount fanfic #mason mount fan fiction #mason mount series #mason mount concept #mason mount blurb #mason mount fluff #mason mount imagine #mason mount story #mason mount smut #mason mount angst #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #footballer x reader #footballer x y/n #a mountain to climb series

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deathmetalunicorn1 · 11 months

Note

Hellooo! This one goes for a family request. I'd honestly like to see how would be the daily life of an autistic preteen!reader with their massive, adoptive family. Mostly how they would interact with the reader and adapt the house/environment to their needs and little quirks, such as learning about sensory overloads, stimming, helping the reader with social cues and deal with their emotions, helping them to actually vocalize their thoughts… Then later on having to listen to them rambling at random times about specific topics that reader is madly interested in (if it's not a bother, I think that reader info-dumping about beetles would be oddly cute for them)

Maybe they came to meet preteen!reader after learning that they had been rejected a few times already due to their behavior. (A bit of past experience and self-projection here, heh), the social worker would tell them about reader's disorder, which would explain their lack of eye contact, fidgeting and also lack of verbal interaction. Some members of the family would grasp the situation right away and take the reader in.

You're free to make it either a more list-like post or write a scenario which would prompt them to care for the reader. I hope you're having a nice day/night, whenever you're reading this 🤍🤍

I’m gonna use my personal obsession at the moment for this piece- Pokemon! I hope you like it!

-You have gone through several families, ones that just didn’t know how to deal with you, getting annoyed too quickly with you, trying to force you into situations that caused you to get overstimulated very quickly, and just treat you like you were… different.

-You knew you were different, you were aware that you acted differently compared to others, but you were very smart- getting good grades at school, and there were lots of things that you knew a lot about and you could talk for hours, if only they would let you.

-However, just because you were different doesn’t meant that you were less deserving of a happy home, one that was filled with patience, kindness, and love.

-This is what your social worker told your new family, that you were on the spectrum, but instead of focusing on the bad, like your past families had done, she only focused on the good, like how smart you were, that you loved to run around and play outside, and what a bright ray of sunshine you were.

-They were furious to learn how you had been treated in the past, those past families who treated you so cruelly, not accepting you for you- but that’s what made them different, they were all a melting pot of different personalities and quirks as well, you would fit right in with them.

-You had never had a family so large before- there were so many people, but unlike before, they were all so patient with you- letting you come to them, not at all bothered that you fidgeted a lot, or had a hard time making eye contact with them- to them, it was just some of your quirks.

-You got to know your family, on your terms, Loki was a prankster but he always made sure to tell you all about them, so you didn’t get scared or get worked up, and he didn’t pull pranks on you unless if you had spoken to him beforehand about the pranks you found funny that wouldn’t bother you.

-Poseidon, while not the most sociable person, at least to others, allowed you to just sit and ramble on and on about Pokemon, sitting beside him, showing him your team or the Pokemon you caught in your game, showing him your trading card collection, and telling him about all the lore and knowledge you knew about Pokemon. He would just sit there, occasionally taking a drink, but not interrupting you, something you adored, as you never got to talk to others like this before, before your new family.

-Loki loved it when you talked about Pokemon, he encouraged you, wanting you to talk more, and you did- as you were comfortable, even more so when he got a switch and got a Pokemon game, so he could play with you!

-Hades was the most patient with you, as he wanted you to talk, wanting you to verbalize your desires and questions, never making you feel foolish and many were soon following in his footsteps, being so patient with you.

-You had never had a family like this before- it was wonderful! You had never been so happy!

-Even when you get so happy that you unintentionally overstimulate yourself, they never made you feel like a burden, just letting you sit beside them, playing your Pokemon game, and just letting you calm down on your own terms.

-You flourished under their love and care, showing that what your social worker said was true, that you were a ray of sunshine, and that you were extremely smart- bringing home a report card with straight As, something they praised you for.

-When your social worker came for a visit, just to see how you were doing, she smiled, seeing you so happy, running around, playing with Loki and Buddha with your water guns- she knew that you would be healthy, safe, and happy with this family and she was elated to approve their request to formally adopt you- submitting the paperwork herself.

-You deserved everything you had- a home, a family, and so much love.

#record of ragnarok #ror x reader #ror poseidon #ror hades #ror loki

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somberjoon · 6 months

Text

METANOIA [8]

✩ pairing: wolf hybrid nj x cheetah hybrid reader (f) - eventual ot7 x reader

✩ genre: soul-searching , romance🔞 , found-family , healing , angst , happy ending

✩ word count: 8.8k

✩ chapter warnings: uncertainty in behavior and emotions , anxiety , TW // panic attack with nightmare description of assault / sa (this is not explicit or detailed at all but talks of the suffocating feeling of touch) an asterisk * at the start and end of the section that includes this. inclusion of minor wound (bruises and small cuts) description. lots of feelies and talking this ch.

✩ summary: She doesn't know. There is so much about her and her cheetah that she hasn't had the privilege to understand. Unknown backgrounds and unknown emotions clash with feelings of want- hopes of being herself unapologetically. Namjoon seems to be someone that can help her- but can the rest of his pack truly be what she has wanted and needed?

✩ cover: me

ch.1 , ch.2 , ch.3 , ch.4 , ch.5 , ch.6 , ch.7 , ch.8 , ch.9

✩ disclaimer: i can't predict what anyone will think, but please understand that some important topics that need discussing as a pack in these circumstances are left out on purpose. If you can't figure it out now then it'll be a nice surprise lol.

Namjoon

The rush to put on better clothing for the chill of night goes by in hushed words from Seokjin and a now awake Hoseok.

“You’re not being detained are you?”

“No, they don’t have a warrant or anything. Whatever happened, it was probably Maria or Y/N herself that mentioned me and they just want information about events.”

“Namjoon I don’t like this.” Hoseok spills.

“I know, something doesn’t feel right- but I need answers and I at least have my job under my belt to know what my rights are. I’ll be okay.”

“Let Seokjin go with you.” Hoseok still pushes.

“I don’t want to put him in that situation-”

“Can you hurry up?” Seokjin seems to manifest in conversation, dressed and ready to go. “Of course I’m going with you.”

With Hoseok’s extra encouragement to bring the oldest of their pack with him, Namjoon and Seokjin leave in their own car, driving towards an unknown fate.

At this time, the bustle of a police station is nonexistent. It’s an eerie feeling being searched and taken back to a room in…silence, really. The silence also makes him wonder where Y/N is, as he hasn’t even gotten a scent of her here. The passive woman that leads him to the room is the one that ends up asking him the questions.

“We apologize for the timing that the officers showed up at your house. After finally getting some information from Y/N it had already been 7 hours of silence from her. I can’t give many details right this second, but after we get some more information I can let you know.”

“Of course. Is she still here at the station?”

“No, she actually didn’t even come here originally. She’d been in the hospital for some injuries.”

Somehow, his heart sinks deeper into the pit of his body and his stomach makes its way towards his throat.

“Is she- is she okay?”

“Okay is a…hard word to use. Physically, she doesn’t have any long-lasting injuries, but mentally-” She doesn’t even need to finish for Namjoon to understand. It wouldn’t be any better if she was only hurt physically somehow, but knowing that whatever this was is just another huge blow to her mental health is sickening.

“What do you need to know?” Namjoon asks, trying to get to the point but still keeping his composure.

“We have information that yesterday at approximately 12:00PM Y/N and you can be put in the same place. I was seeing if you could give us a rundown from the time you two met for the day to the time she got home.”

Namjoon knows no specific words or details will be given to him just to see if the information matches both Y/N’s and Maria’s or Richard’s. So, he tells it honestly- the truth.

“I picked her up around 12PM, she had a class at the hospital that she wanted to attend and I was the one available to Y/N that could take her. So, I picked her up and she didn’t seem to like the outfit she was wearing- she wears comfortable clothing but, she just seems- not sure about what to wear to certain functions or events. Before the class, we had time to stop by a small clothing shop, just one in the strip mall. We picked out an outfit and she got to the class in time, which was at 1:15PM and lasted about an hour.”

“Do you know what kind of class this was?”

“Sexual Development class, a free one that- I think her doctor recommended it.”

“Okay, continue with the events please.”

“During the class she had forgotten her phone, so I stayed outside the hospital, thus we were able to leave right away and go to my pack’s home for a visit. We, Y/N and I, had been trying to plan a visit to my pack home because of the growing friendships between me and her and another one of my pack members. She was anxious about it because she doesn’t really like meeting new people, she doesn’t trust easily, especially men. But, she blended in well, and because everyone was welcome with each other, it was a good visit. The cheetahs hung out, then we had dinner and then she seemed tired so I offered to take her home around 7PM.”

“Did Y/N show any odd behavior before you took her home?”

“To be honest, she seemed reluctant to have me leave her home alone. I’m not sure if Richard was home at that time or anything, but I- I should’ve checked before I left. She didn’t say anything though, she didn’t ask me to stay or tell me if she was uncomfortable being alone.” Namjoon stops to bring himself back together, the thoughts of what could’ve happened fight their way to the front. His regret is immense at the moment, even when he doesn’t know what exactly happened.

“Did you see anyone outside of her home? And, you said you didn’t know if Richard was home, but were there any signs that anyone else was there?”

Red alarms immediately go off in his head. Because- no. He didn’t make sure, but-

“I stayed at that house, parked in the driveway for 15 minutes after she told me she was okay and locked the door. I wanted to make sure that she didn’t change her mind or-” this woman is a hybrid, she should understand if he says this. “I just felt like something was wrong, and I’ve known enough of her to see when she’s uncomfortable or when she doesn’t want to say something. I should’ve made sure she was okay.”

“Luckily, Y/N is safe now. And I can see that the storylines do add up. Your words were the last ones we needed. But, later on your pack could be asked to testify if the judge decides this isn’t a clean cut case.”

“Can you tell me? What happened?”

“If you guys are close, and if she trusts you as much as I think she does- she’d probably want you to know from her.”

Unlike the police station, the hospital has more people in it now that Sunday morning has started. Seokjin accompanies Namjoon now that he can, already heading towards the room with Maria’s approval to the front desk that he could be a visitor. To be honest, he feels entirely too invasive in the moment, but his worry isn’t only bubbling but ready to boil over at not making sure Y/N is alive and not on her damn deathbed.

It’s easy to spot the room from a distance, as Richard sits in one of the hallway chairs with his elbows on his knees in a bent position. Obviously, he is in an uncommunicative mood- even as Namjoon passes by him, he says nothing. Instead, he looks through the glass of the door to see Maria sitting on one of the visitor benches in the room, looking at the hospital bed that’s blocked from him by a curtain. With his presence, Maria looks to the door to find him without him having to knock. She hurries to meet them outside with the door shut behind her.

“I’m so glad to see you.” Maria says with such relief, wrapping him in an unfamiliarly tight hug. Without a second to think, she’s giving Seokjin one as well. “She’s not verbal at the moment. To be honest, she’s only been verbal to give her statement to the police.” She looks into the window even if she can’t see Y/N from it.

“I don’t want to make her uncomfortable being here-” It’s all Namjoon can think now that he’s actually here. He was really only her friend and someone that was with her only some hours of the day. “I just wanted to see how she was doing and-” He can’t just leave. God, no matter how out of place he feels being here, he can’t leave her right now.

“Namjoon. You’re the only person she’s asked about.”

“What? Why?”

“She didn’t want to even mention you guys to the police. But, that would’ve been even more suspicious. So, she obviously told her whole story and- she asked if I could ‘let her know when Namjoon is questioned’. I’m guessing she was preparing for another devastating blow, because I told her this morning and she just broke down again.”

Of course she didn’t want any of them involved, just to keep them out of it, she’s willing to lie.

“I think you should see her.” Maria says when Namjoon doesn’t respond. He looks to Seokjin in question, his hyung already knowing why. But, Seokjin only gives him a few reassuring nods and squeeze to his upper arm.

The door shutting behind him finalizes the choice he made. He could turn back, he could leave knowing that Maria is here for her. But, just last night he thought the same thing- and it didn’t work out then. The pull towards her is too strong.

Rounding the curtain gives him a view that’s a lot easier to process than he imagined. She’s curled up on her side with only her bun peeking out of the top of the blanket. She’s so small, even with her gaining weight and eating well- she’s still so small. His light steps don’t seem to stir her and he really doesn’t want to startle her, so his best shot is waiting, observing.

A cushioned chair sits conveniently in front of the resting Y/N, Namjoon sits with light movements. He can finally see her eyes above the blanket covering her. Even like this he can already see a small healing cut next to her eye near her temple. He wants to know every part of her that was hurt- he wants to magically heal her of the wounds she was given, mentally and physically.

It doesn’t take long for Namjoon to see Y/N take a few tentative sniffs above her blanket, eyes shooting open to land on Namjoon’s.

Tears. It’s as if they were waiting to fall no matter what. He watches devastatingly with nothing to do. No sign of approval of his touch or words, no utter of his name- just tears. This was the final blow for him as well it seems. He can only say one thing.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, leaning closer to leave him less than a foot away from her. “I’m so so sorry.” Tears prick his own eyes, his wolf begging to touch, to soothe. His restraints are wearing thin as they just stare at each other. He has no queue to touch her, he has to wait and hope that she reaches out or just stays silent in her needs. He doesn’t even know if that’s what she needs, but he hopes she does. He hopes that he could be comforting for her, be here for her and calm her in some way.

“I’m so sorry I left you there.” That's all he can say. Even more tears fall from her silently, begging for something. He’ll just need to pry like he usually does, he’ll do it forever if he needs to.

“Is there something I can do for you?”

“What if I hurt you?” It’s the quietest mumble of a question, somehow sounding clear despite her tears and the barrier of the blanket.

“You won’t hurt me.” Namjoon says without even thinking, voice staying at a whisper. “What do you need? Do you need something from me?” He tries not to beg, but really anyone could hear it in his voice.

“I can’t.”

“Can’t what?” Even without a response he’ll keep trying. He won’t make the same mistake. “Let me help you.”

It's not an immediate response, but Y/N slowly reveals herself. Her blanket is pushed back to show simple clothing the hospital most definitely provided. He doesn’t mean to look, but the hospital shorts show purple bruises that randomly spot the top of her thighs. They're large- he tries to push away the thought of them looking like hands.

She's asking in her movements as she slides closer to him, her legs dangling over the side of the bed now. He pays attention to her eyes, only her eyes as his peripheral catches more cuts and bruises that he's sure she doesn't want him to see.

"Whatever you need." He says at her pause in movement. He takes the chance of guessing what she needs, opening his arms in an inviting gesture.

Her silent tears turn to sobs just as her hand reaches out and takes a hold of Namjoon's extended hand. He closes his grip like it's a life line just as she does to him.

With slower movements than he'd like for himself but enough for her to not hurt herself more, she's finally showing what she wants. Climbing into his lap, legs bracketed around his thighs and body pressed into his finally. Finally she's in his arms- his own arms locked tight around her to keep her there. Her wet face and hurried breaths are pushed into his neck, as close as she can get. Finally, her tail wraps around him instead of squeezed around herself.

"I got you. I'm so sorry." He says over and over again like a mantra.

Seokjin

He doesn't mind waiting for Namjoon, but the company isn’t the best. To be fair, he finally got some time in silence as Maria takes a phone call, but it's still a hospital- hospitals are never comforting.

"I know, yes I understand we'll have to come in and discuss- that's the protocol!?"

Maria's frustrating outburst is more than enough to cause a few heads to whip her way. and this landing on Seokjin just a few chairs away.

"Okay. Well, I don’t know when we’ll both be able to come in, maybe later today or tomorrow. Can I just call you back when we are able to come in?”

“Thank you, bye.” She finishes her call and turns to sit right next to Richard who Seokjin really isn't comfortable sitting next to. Even if there is a spacer seat. Despite their whispered conversation, he can hear it.

“The protocol for her case is immediate re-homing.” She whispers in a heartbreaking tone. “We could fight for her later on, but as of right now our house is deemed unsafe for her- for any future cases that may need a home.”

With the pain in her voice, Richard is still silent. Seokjin almost wants to shake the man into some fucking sense. But, that’s only his instincts talking- he still has no idea what the story is. And now, he’s thinking about where Y/N will go.

Somehow he already knows.

Namjoon

Usually with Y/N attached to him, it’s hard to think properly. But now, with her safely in his arms, he’s thinking more and more about how to keep it this way. Despite that, dread fills him at the thoughts around the organization- he knows that Y/N can’t stay in that house, no matter what it was, she was hospitalized and there is police involvement. There is no way she’ll be able to stay in that house. He doesn’t even know if Y/N knows that yet.

She had just gotten into a situation that was helping her and she finally had support that was pushing her towards a healthy life and healthy relationships. He couldn’t rid her of the friends she made when she loses a home as well.

To be honest, Namjoon has no idea how long it has been since he's sat here, but Y/N has fallen asleep a while ago and Seokjin hasn't even tried to get a hold of him.

Knowing that he needs to at least talk to Seokjin, Namjoon makes the hard decision to stand and gently detach Y/N from him. In her sleep she unapologetically reaches for him with greedy hands, unlike what she does in her waking state. He can't help but smile despite where they are and the unanswered things that happened.

Slipping out to see Seokjin is a breath of fresh air he didn't realize he needed. He'd spend all day and night making sure she was comfortable, but it's still exhausting seeing someone you care about in such shambles. He'll be strong for her no matter what- and he'll be lucky to have others there for him.

"How is she?" Seokjin's tired voice asks just across from her room door in the visitor seats.

“She doesn’t want to talk- she doesn’t have any serious injuries. But she was comfortable with me, so that’s a start.” Namjoon says as he sits just next to Seokjin. “Where did they go?” He motions to the empty chairs that once held Maria and Richard.

“They went to grab breakfast from the cafeteria.” Seokjin checks his phone just as he answers. “Taehyung has been begging me to let him come sit outside her room. I wish I felt comfortable with him coming, but I think it’d be bad if we had too many people here right now.” Namjoon knows that if Taehyung came then Jimin would want to come, and if Jimin came then Hoseok would feel obligated to come and keep watch over them. He can’t have that many people here right now.

“It’s a good call, especially because we don’t know exactly what she needs or wants at the moment.” The silence stretches between them as if they’re both waiting to have this impending conversation. All it takes is one look to Seokjin for the fox to know exactly what he wants to say.

“I heard Maria talking to Richard about the organization and what happens next, Namjoon. I already know what you’re going to say.”

“It’s not immediate, especially not when she’s in the hospital, but-”

“But, this is not a conversation we should be having with just the two of us.”

“You know I need you to know first right now, I need to know if this is something that would be possible.”

“You would make it possible- I know you too well. I’ll let you figure out what you want to say, and what you need to tell the others. But- I’m on your side.” Seokjin gives him a light shoulder bump that lightens the mood just the slightest.

“I didn’t hide anything from you or the pack.” Namjoon says suddenly, knowing that if he says to the pack what he wants to say, he wants his hyung to know that it wasn’t a long-awaited bomb-drop. “Anything I want to say when we talk to them, it’s not something I- I would never wait to say it in a time like this.”

“I know. I guess that was something I talked to Taehyung about and not you.” Namjoon gives him a questioning look. “Before I called you yesterday inviting Y/N, I talked to Taehyung about my worries. I let my fears get the best of me in times that I should have put Taehyung and you first. I don’t mind if you or him, or anyone, meets another person. We can’t control that- obviously, I mean we have a pack of seven. But, I will support you no matter what. I will take care of her as well, just as another part of the family.”

“You’re making me emotional at the worst time.” Namjoon lets out a nervous laugh at the realization that his feelings aren’t just settled into his skin anymore. His feelings for Y/N aren’t just an afterthought when he’s around her- it’s now something that will be out into the universe to fuck him over. “I just want us all to be comfortable- and I just want her to have a home. That’s all she needs right now, I want to be that for her.”

Seokjin looks at him with something akin to pride. Namjoon tries to catch it for as long as possible.

“If she’s okay with that, I will help you make that happen.” Seokjin says.

Y/N

It feels like she’s suffocating- just as it did last night. Just as it felt when his hands were around her neck- on her legs, on her stomach, on her. All she can see is black, but there is the feeling of him here- a feeling of those few times when they tried to take advantage of her with no roof over her head and nowhere to flee to. They always gripped on tight, underestimating the strength her cheetah gives her. It’s not usually enough strength to completely fight them off, but it’s always enough to have enough time to run as far as she can.

The darkness is pushing on her chest- just after having a dreamless sleep, a resting sleep- trying to pry things from her she would never give them. They don’t deserve it, it’s not for them. It gets harder and harder for her to breathe. In this darkness, she doesn’t even have anything to fight off, there’s no way out- there’s nothing she can do.

“Y/N.”

‘No, leave me alone. Please.’

“Y/N.”

‘Please. Please don’t touch me.’

“Y/N!”

Suddenly there is an actual hand on her arm. She was asleep and he had time to touch her when she couldn’t stop him.

Her eyes shoot open to bright hospital lights, trying to move as quickly as she can to get away from the arm that touches her- trying to crawl up the bed and see who it is this time.

Namjoon.

“It’s okay, you’re okay, you were just having a nightmare.” His hands are in the air defensively. It’s just him and she’s fine but- why can’t she breathe? God, why can she still feel him on her. She can feel the weight of him on her chest, pressing all the air from her.

“Y/N you need to breathe slowly. You’re going to make yourself pass out. Breathe in through your nose and out your mouth.”

She’s trying. She doesn’t want to feel like this, she doesn’t want to be unconscious and vulnerable again.

“Can I touch you? Can I help you?”

Her response doesn’t leave her lips like she wants it, not when she’s gulping down air like this. Instead she’s scooting closer, trying to find relief in him again. She needs it, no matter how much she doesn’t want to rely on him.

His arms are immediately going to work. One slips behind her neck to find that magical muscle, the other pushes her frizzy curls from her face to pet at her hair with soothing words.

“In through your nose and out your mouth. Just focus on this feeling. Focus on my voice. Give yourself something to pinpoint.”

She can barely listen to him, but the feeling of him against her neck is hypersensitive. It seems his touch always is no matter how simple it is. It’s the only thing she can seem to focus on, her lungs filling at a rate that is less and less painful.

“There you go. Look at me.”

She does look up at him now that it hurts less to breathe. She's terrified she'll see pity, though with how everything has always gone for her, sometimes she wants it- craves attention even if it's with an aching heart and empty promises. This time she only sees her Namjoon. The wolf with kind eyes and an even kinder soul. He's looking down at her with such cherish that it completely distracts her from the panic that was eating her up.

"Good. Do you feel better?" He wipes at her face, picking up wet stains that she didn’t even realize were there- but thanks to the scratch near her eye, the skin is sensitive. He's not even grossed out about how she looks or the things she can’t get a hold on yet. He’s so gentle no matter what she’s given him, no matter what he sees himself.

“Yeah.” She gets out with a hoarse voice. “I’m sorry.” She whispers after hearing her own voice.

“Don’t be sorry, it was a nightmare- we all have nightmares.” That she can’t change, she’ll always have them.

“I’m sorry you had to take care of me.” She specifies, looking away from him and not wanting to see that caring look on his face anymore. She doesn’t get far when the hand from her neck slides up to direct her face back to him.

“I would not be here if I didn’t want to- I always want to care for you, no matter how it looks. Even if you need something small- something useless- it’s you so I’ll take care of it.”

She can’t bear him saying this now. Y/N has believed him before, somehow a man has whittled his way into her mind and heart in ways she’d never thought was possible. But, him saying it as she looks like this and reacts like this- after she’s done something horrible- is unbearable.

“Okay.” Is all she can say with a teary-eyed nod. If she looks at him any longer she’ll cry more than she has in the last couple days, so she turns away, and he finally lets her.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty?” He asks, changing the subject, doing her a favor without knowing.

“There’s some water in the minifridge.” She replies slowly. Everything is still cloudy and annoying, but Namjoon never asked for irritation, so she'll be nice for now. He grabs one of the chilled water bottles and opens it for her with a satisfying click before handing it to her within seconds.

“Are you hungry? Maria left some food for you, she’s waiting outside if you need her.”

“I’m okay for now, just tired.” She says meekly. She looks up to find him assessing her with a gaze that seems a little too invasive. She can’t help but tell him more upon seeing the look. “I haven’t been able to sleep- with the nightmares.” She admits.

“You seemed okay until I left you, I’m sorry. I needed to check in with Seokjin-hyung without letting him into the room.”

“It’s not your fault.”

Instead of any more easy conversation that they usually have, there’s silence that only seems to grow at what has been unsaid. They’re in a damn hospital for crying out loud. Namjoon literally got questioned by the police and she won’t feel safe for a long time. It’s all waiting to be spilled right here in this uncomfortable bed in the most uncomfortable room.

“Did they tell you what happened?”

“I should go and let Maria come in.”

They both speak at the same time.

“What?” Y/N asks first, voice a little high in wanting. Why would he just leave suddenly?

“Oh, no they didn’t tell me. I didn’t know if you’d want to so I did ask but, after some clarity of realizing that you’re okay, I just want to wait until you tell me as much as you want to give.”

His response is like whiplash after his announcement of leaving, so instead she keeps the conversation on one topic.

“I don’t want to tell you until I’m out of here. I hate it here.” She admits. Anything is better than the drabby shelters she’s been in and out of- and definitely better than the dried-up bridges she’d sleep under. But, this place always feels so cold and unwelcoming. It reminds her of her first visit to the hospital and seeing doctors for the first time. It was so invasive despite being needed- even if she was thankful, it was all so fast.

“Whenever you want.” Is all he says in a voice that proves he’s just tip-toeing.

“Why did you want to leave?” She finally asks.

“Maria said you weren’t being verbal with her, so I just thought maybe you wanted to talk to her, especially because you haven’t seen her for a few hours. I just want you to be comfortable.”

She could never get mad at him- she probably could in the right circumstance- so she just gives him a sigh that gives in to whatever he says. He’s right in a sense anyways.

“Yeah I should talk to her, you should get back home to your pack anyways. I’m sure they’re worried about you.” She answers with honesty. She can’t keep him here away from them just because she doesn’t feel safe yet. Even if the only place she has felt safe is in his arms, she can’t burden him with that.

“I’ll go let them know-”

“Just Maria.” She says far too quickly.

“Okay, just Maria. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He leaves with an air to him that was far more tentative than earlier. Where did it go wrong? What line did they cross that has them both walking on eggshells? It always feels so fine with him, airy and refreshing in a way that allows her to finally breathe and have no worries in the world. Why is it that it changes so quickly sometimes? What is being left unsaid that she’s too inexperienced or immature to realize?

“Hey sweetie.” Maria comes in with the normal softness she had even before this happened. But this time, Y/N can tell that she’s been crying. Her eyes look tired, red-rimmed, and far too down-turned to just be a caring stare.

“Hi.”

“How are you feeling?” She asks, causing Y/N to place the blanket back over her body to stop the chill of the room from finding her unprepared.

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good.” She sits in the same chair Namjoon did when he first came to see her. Again, an edge of tentativeness creeps into her mannerisms. He hands fidget in her lap and her eyes begin to water again. Y/N immediately pushes forward at the sight.

“I didn’t think it’d come to this. Ya’know I thought I could make a safe space for you. One where you’d never have to worry about getting hurt.” Her lip wobbles in a way that has Y/N’s own eyes watering up in response. “I’m so sorry this happened. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.” It’s inevitable when flashes of last night creep into her mind. She closes her eyes, pushing them down and down until later when she can fight them on her own.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I will take the blame, if it helps to take some of the blow.”

“That’s not fair, you know that’s not fair.” Y/N almost pleads.

“I knew there would be more consequences, if not directly made in my direction, definitely in yours when the organization paired us together. I mean- I knew there’d be legal proceedings that I’d have to handle that I really would do anything to get us out of, but I know they’d be hard on you. So, when the organization called earlier-”

Her choked sob that she swallows to keep going on has Y/N panicking now. Thankfully, it’s not enough to cause her the same panic as before, but it’s definitely enough to have her sitting up straighter, her ears perked and tail wrapped into an unbearably tight hold.

“The hospitalization mixed with the police involvement isn’t taken lightly- as it shouldn’t be- but the organization has protocols in place. With our case, there will definitely be a rehoming done.”

Y/N really didn’t know what exactly the protocol would be, other than the very few more common occurrences that the organization workers informed her of incase she needed to report them without the homeowners knowing. The shock of how quickly everything is moving has her completely blocking out Maria. She can’t comprehend just how awful it would be to transition to a new home in a time like this. She can’t fathom how Maria feels and- to be horribly honest- she’s worried about how Maria and Richard will cope with whatever it is they are exactly going to go through. Despite what she feels for Richard, she can’t help but feel like this was her fault.

Namjoon

Stepping into the house after everything this morning is like walking into quicksand. The feeling of being pulled farther and farther into some irreversible thing is sickening. Not because of the unavoidable situation, but because of how many things could go wrong now.

Taehyung is on him in seconds, trying his best to scent and pry answers out with pleading eyes and whimpers.

“Let’s get everyone together and talk, so I only have to have this conversation once.”

Luckily everyone is home, with some that have work schedules on the weekend- such as Yoongi who coaches kiddie basketball and had two early games this morning- it is hard to have everyone together before noon. But somehow it’s happened and he’s extremely lucky to see his pack all in one place. The events of today have made him so eager to make sure his pack is safe and home. Even if they all watch him with different levels of questioning eyes, he’d rather they be safe and expectant than not here at all.

“So far, legally, it seems to be a clean case- though I still have no idea what exactly happened.” He’s speaking before he even realizes it, standing in front of everyone sitting and standing in the living room.

“Y/N is…okay. She’s not comfortable in the hospital so she doesn’t want to tell me yet, but she’s just- she’s hurt yes. She’s bruised and scratched in ways that will heal, but it’s really just her mental state that can’t be healed measurably.”

Namjoon seems to pause for no other reason than anxiety. He really didn’t think about this enough, this conversation in this circumstance. They’re all so patient as they wait, even Taehyung who has to be squeezed between Jimin and Hoseok to sit still.

“When I introduced Y/N, it wasn’t with ulterior motives other than to help her build relationships. Yes, I was also interested in a friendship with her before this- that and the opportunity for Taehyung and her to have each other for their cheetahs was all I wanted. But, I have to be honest with myself. And with you all.”

He gets a reassuring squeeze of his hand from Seokjin that makes him take a deep breath he didn’t know he needed. It’s never been him that brought up another potential pack member. It’s always one of his sociable mates that seem to be glued to someone or have a certain glow when they get home after a one-off encounter. He’s never minded it, he even welcomed it as long as they were a good fit for his home and all the people he cared about. But now, it feels like rejection is imminent.

“Y/N is someone that unexpectedly made me feel so warm. Even if I was away from her, I always wished that she was thinking of me the way she thought of me and it’s- embarrassing honestly. Because I had just met her, and I wanted to get to know her faster than I thought was possible. I didn't want to say it in this context, I didn't want it to feel rushed and unprepared because I really do care about you guys and your opinions more than anything, but I also really care about her- in a way that feels filled with potential."

"Hyung." Jimin suddenly speaks up, catching Namjoon's attention immediately.

"I don't mind- I don't think any of us mind that you found someone you're interested in. I think it's obvious we enjoy having a big family- and Y/N was so sweet. But…this only feels rushed because it sounds like you have something else to propose." Jimin says while a few others in the pack nod at his addition. Namjoon can only give a heavy sigh before proceeding.

"I'm sorry this happened this way- I will do it another time. When things hopefully work out or fall apart. I promise I'll come back to this. But, the most important part to discuss is- because of this incident, Y/N will need to be rehomed as soon as she's out of the hospital and ready. Until then she'd be in a shelter that's far too cramped."

"Namjoon, are you saying that someone we met once is to be rehomed with us?" Yoongi asks, using a tone that proves this conversation is not going to go as smoothly as planned.

"I'm not stating or implying it's underway. It's something I am suggesting that we talk about the possibility that our home is a safe place that she needs until she can get her feet on the ground or wherever it takes us. But, for now, a safe home."

"I want her here." Taehyung states without looking at any of the others.

"I'd love to hear more thoughts." Namjoon almost pleads.

"Is she even going to feel safe here?" Hoseok asks, looking wearily at the pack around him.

"I still have to talk to her after this, but I want her to at least have options. Her here, safe in this house, would be the best for her- other than that I'll have to figure it out if you guys aren't comfortable."

"She's really nice, and I felt okay around her. I know you guys make me feel safe. I want her to have that as well." Jungkook speaks up, seeming to have an overall effect on the group. Reminding everyone that they've done this before.

They've taken Jungkook in when the shelter kicked him out and in his attempts to flee he ended up hiding in their backyard as a bunny, nibbling on Seokjin's plants to get some type of food. He wouldn't shift for weeks, and it had Taehyung so perplexed by the little bunny's tolerance for lack of skin to skin contact.

"If we all agree, how would we care for her? She's not going to feel safe automatically, and she's going to need care that we aren't familiar with yet." Yoongi says logically.

"I work from home and will take full responsibility for her. I just want everyone to feel comfortable with her and for her to have a place to heal and keep her relationships. I want everyone to be okay with that before going through."

There's a thoughtful silence, before Seokjin speaks, starting the final decisions.

"I will help Namjoon take care of her, I enjoyed her company and I think that it's best to help others when we're so closely presented the opportunity to- no matter what it leads to."

"I still think the same. She'll be safe here, it's what's best, especially since she's a cheetah." Jungkook agrees again.

"I want her here." Taehyung plainly says again.

"I think her safety at the moment would be best, and Namjoon's judgment is the reason he's the pack leader. I trust you, Joonie-hyung." Jimin adds.

"I agree, and she was sweet and seemed like she needed us to bring her out of her shell, I think she could thrive with hybrids." Hoseok joins.

Everyone seems to turn and look at Yoongi at the same time, knowing that his disapproval changes the whole situation. Namjoon would come up with something else if he didn't want her to stay with them, he's okay with that as long as he can provide something for her.

"I trust you Joon-ah, I told you I don't think you'd ever hurt us. You know I'm just protective of our peace. As long as we can deal with everything as a pack, not just you and her with her needs and changes in behavior- I'm down. We are a pack, we act like one, even if she's not an official member yet."

Namjoon holds onto that 'yet', all the agreements, and the hope he has that Y/N takes this home into consideration.

Y/N

“Alright miss L/N, I’ll be your attorney in any possible cases that may be opened for testimonies and questioning. At the moment, there is enough evidence for detectives and a judge to have a tight self-defense case- but Leonord’s wife could sue for a few reasons and that is her choice, so in those cases I will be defending you free of charge through the re-homing organization. Sounds good so far?”

The lady is quite nice, despite having to sit in the most uncomfortable chair and being in another bright room. Y/N is just happy to have information on everything when it seems no one wanted to tell her anything. She’s still getting flashbacks to last night, to how similar it was to those other times- the only difference being the confidence she was able to obtain having healthy relationships and a roof to live under.

“Sounds good. But- I have a question.”

“Of course.”

“Do you know anything about the re-homing situation?”

“Legally, the organization has to immediately extract you from the home you were in where the incident happened. Even if this was a random incident, or if there was a happenstance that was not the homeowner’s fault or cause- the organization has to deem that home unsafe and thus wants to keep the hybrid’s wellbeing in mind above all.”

“Don’t people have to know about what I did when getting information to home me?” The lady gives her a flash of pity at that, immediately causing Y/N’s stomach to drop.

“Yes, the potential homes will need to know why you are being re-homed with as much information as legally available. But, you case is not-”

She cuts her off after she gets her answer, zoned out to think about all the ways she would be perceived in a time like this. She wouldn’t be re-homed. She’d end up in another shelter that has hybrids packed in like prison cells. She’d have to figure out who is safe and who’s not based solely on looks and conversations she’d rather not have at all.

“Miss L/N?” The attorney says, finally pulling Y/N’s attention onto her again.

“Sorry, I’m listening.”

“I have questioning records containing a Kim Namjoon? You know him personally, correct?”

“Yeah, he’s from the organization, we’re…friends. I was visiting him and his pack yesterday before I was driven home and-” She stops, knowing that the attorney knows everything already.

“I work with him, through the law firm. He’s in charge of hybrid cases in our offices, specifically for hybrid shelters.”

“Okay.”

“I would talk to him about information in the re-homing process.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think he’ll have more information for you that will help you in the process.” She gives her a small smile that she can’t even figure out in the context.

“Sure.” Is all she can say, confused and temples pounding from everything I’ve had to process in the past 24 hours.

‘Wanna have dinner together?’

Y/N stares at the confusing text from Namjoon. He does remember that she’s in the hospital, right? The fleeting thought of Namjoon sending this to another girl has reeling into more thoughts that make the first one not so fleeting. Just to make sure he’s not insane right now, she answers.

‘Yeah.’

It takes no time for her hospital room door to open and Namjoon to already be waltzing in with a bag of goodies she can’t pinpoint but can smell. And god, do they smell good. By the time he's up close and opening the bag she can't help but pinpoint her focus on the food he's pulling out rather than whatever he's saying. He finishes opening the containers with a little wave of his hands and pride on his face.

"Seokjin made everything, it's still warm since he just made it, but I thought I'd share it with you."

"What if I had said no?"

"I would've left the food and went on my way after checking up on you. Either way you're fed and I'm happy."

"I'm starting to see how much you and Taehyung have in common." Y/N states, giving him a small smile that in turn stops Namjoon in his tracks for some reason.

"Yeah, we, uh, we were the first of the pack. We found each other in a shelter." Namjoon says, taking his container of perfectly portioned foods and starts to eat.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it was only a few years ago that I finally got out of there thanks to the organization. There's a lot more to talk about, but, yeah we were the first."

"The organization? You were-"

"A case? Yeah. I was in a shelter for a year, the longest they kept predators like me. The organization puts money into those in the shelters that are about to be kicked out to fend for themselves. I got lucky, extremely lucky. I met Taehyung in there and promised him I’d be back no matter what. I worked to push away all my hate for humans and what they’d done to those like me- I worked alongside them and was able to carve a place for myself in society. It took me almost exactly a year, but Taehyung is a year younger than me so I was able to get to him in time. Well, perfect timing- because his time as a predator was also up and instead of having to pay a large sum to a shelter that definitely didn’t deserve it I was able to just show up on the day he was released by them with nothing provided for his survival. I had my own little apartment by then and was able to afford to regularly donate to the organization. I scored an amazing job with lots of training, and with Taehyung’s help I was able to shut down that shelter and rehome all those inside of it. Sadly, a lot went to the organization’s shelters. But, they’re the best bet they have, really. They got the care they needed there, nonetheless.”

Hearing Namjoon’s story for the first time clicks things into place that seemingly weren’t as snuggly fit in as she thought they were. His kindness towards her no matter how she acted towards him, the amount of time and effort he put into volunteering and thus her, and the amount of truth behind his words when he voices his thoughts and concerns for her. It all finally presses into the crevices that were ready to fall apart in time of being disappointed. It’s as if a glowing hue of blue settles around him as she stares at him, watching him eat, watching him move. It’s odd to feel this way about someone, when she never had the luxury to even ‘like’ a person before. Now, she feels something deep in her gut- something that wants her to memorize every piece of him, every little breath and quirk of his features.

“What’s that look for?” Namjoon asks with an amused smile, pulling her out of the trance. But, it’s not a trance when that safe aura sticks to him even when she’s paying attention to the mundane current happenings.

“I don’t know.” She says honestly- she has no clue what it all means. But how awful would it feel if it ended? “You’re just, admirable.”

“I just wanted to do my best for him and myself.”

“That’s hard for a lot of people.” She says, mostly referring to herself.

“Nah, people just don’t give themselves enough credit. We’re all here just trying to live and search for something fulfilling.” Namjoon shoots back.

“Yeah. I guess.” Her heart clenches at his words. Fulfilling. Whatever she has with him could just be fulfilling, thus it’s a reason for her to keep trying.

“Namjoon.” She tries to get his attention. He only looks up at her in question.

“I met an attorney. One that mentioned she works with you.” She stirs around her still uneaten rice and veggies to get some courage to go on. “She told me to ask about the rehoming situation? Do you know why?”

His look alone is enough to tell her he does, but he doesn’t immediately say anything.

“I, uh, yeah-” he sets down his bowl of food before going on, preparing himself for something that she’s suddenly scared to find out. “I contacted her earlier today. That’s honestly, probably, why she got to talk to you so quickly. I kinda- Well I kinda asked her what the process would be like to suggest a home for you that isn’t on the official list, but is home to a volunteer.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know if there’s any perfect way to suggest this, but- I knew about the protocol the organization has in place for something like this, and I knew you would need to be rehomed. I’m in a position where I could- help.” He pauses before finishing. “Well, we could, my pack.”

“Namjoon.” She can’t get anything else out.

“I talked to them after leaving this morning. I just needed to discuss it and make sure that this was something that they were all okay with, and we are a large family so it needs to be well-conversed. They all are okay with it, and I know it’s going to take a ton of effort and planning and consideration on my part- I’m not taking this lightly at all. That’s the only reason I contacted her so fast, I just wanted to make sure that this was something that could be done before even bringing it up to you. I don’t want to ever give you false hope or feel like you can’t trust me or what I say- so I’ve really thought about it and all the guys have as well. We could share our home with you if you’d like. I’d like you to be a part of it.”

She can’t tell if it’s a feeling of instant relief, so quickly having left her body that she’s nauseous- or she’s just nauseous in general over the thought of her actually having this option. It could also be the fact that Namjoon truly cares with his whole being, it feels like. Living with his damn pack after a police investigation done on her that had him questioned. Living with his pack after meeting them once and sharing little awkward conversations. Living with his pack of seven guys that all seem to be totally okay with it. It’s the first that drives her the most mad.

“You don’t even know what I did.”

“You said you didn’t want to tell me right now. I respect that- and I trust you, Y/N.”

“Why? Why would they all agree and why-” She can’t even comprehend the consideration they’re taking.

“In the most basic way possible- we are hybrids that have been in shit positions before, they all vary and they all have their own story to tell, but we care about each other no matter what. We know what it’s like to not have anyone, or to finally find someone and try to lock onto them to keep safe and protected. It’s the animal in us that needs to form a pack, and that isn’t something as simple as human words can tell. It feels right- having you around.”

If he tells it in that way- animal instincts and such- it makes more sense. But it still doesn’t excuse the human part of her that did what it did. Hell, she’s sure her cheetah played a large role in what she did. Right now, though, she wants to hold onto this hope, and she wants to have something that isn’t just temporary or pity-filled. This is the best choice she has, being safe in the pack home, with Namjoon and Taehyung especially. She’ll have a chance to learn more about her cheetah more often and she can finally learn about other hybrids. If anything, Namjoon will hear what she did and will decide against keeping her there, and then she can figure it out. But for now, she has a chance to be safe. That’s all she wants right now.

“I have another deal to make.”

“Lemme hear it.”

“If I accept and you hear what I’ve done and you change your mind afterwards-” Namjoon looks as if he’ll speak but she gives him a pointed look. “If you change your mind, then I will find an alternative through the system and deal with my own consequences accordingly. If I accept and you hear what I’ve done but feel as though it doesn’t change your comfort, then I will need something to do. I can’t live with you for free as someone who’s not a part of the pack. Whatever you decide that fits my schedule, I will help around the house.”

“As pack leader-” Namjoon holds out his hand for her to grab onto, his warmth immediate and addicting. “You have a deal.”

#bts au #bts fic #namjoon au #namjoon x reader #bts x fem!reader #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #bts hybrid au #bts hybrid fic

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