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papers4me · 3 years ago

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Fruits Basket, Se3, ep 12 (Part 1)

The aftermath of the curse lifting~ Btw, the timeline is super messy. Flashbacks & background stories aren’t this anime’s best tool, it’s always felt messy when they attempt that. more on it in my side notes below. Now into the ep~

-Yuki & Machi: ( Blossoming Love!):

I love that the author attempted different direction of romantic love with yuki/machi that suits yuki’s personality! Opposite to kyo/tohru who had the (from best friends to lovers/ from roommates of 3 years to lovers). Yuki & machi’s love is based on natural crush & while she isnt his best friend, she’ll be his lover & they’ll know each other after dating. Both types of love are realistic & have their own path of dynamics, which is clear with how yuki/machi will be interacting & how kyo/tohru are now interacting since becoming official. I’m still bummed most of yuki/machi’s “noticing each other” is supposed to be off-screen, it robbed me of seeing yuki interact in a normal teenage-boy crushing on a girl which contrasts his relationship with kakeru, kyo, haru & tohru. Now, we’ll start the “ official-boyfriend yuki” stage! Also, this jump to confessions didnt help machi have any uniqueness beside being saved by yuki’s words from her trauma. watching her interact with him normally would’ve added realistic depth to her being a normal girl with unique cute quirks differently from tohru, Isuzu, kagura or even motoko!. Oh well~ moving on & focusing on the meaningful cute confession. I loved that altho there were a hug & a kiss, it didn’t have “ I love you” statement. You know they (will) love each other so dearly, but they’re in stage 1 now, she just called him by his first name for the first time! cute! I love that the emphasis is on the “ first name” calling since this is a huge key to yuki’s identity & struggle. Also, It is cute she bought a gift to tohru! This is a set-up to a healthy relationship with yuki since she isn’t jealous from a precious woman in his life that isnt related by blood.

-Moving towards the future: Kyoru’s final stage of growth!

By Kyokoy’s grave Kyo & tohru had key moment of growth & healthy closure to their core character issues::

1- Kyo’s toxic habit of running from life became a desire to run towards life!: While this habit is rightfully excused by his trauma, it needed to be addressed once his curse broke. We know he stopped running & faced his dad, confessed to tohru, accepted her love, embraced his crazy desire for her & accepted he deserved to be loved! Even ran towards tohru, chasing her! However, all the above is him running to the good current life in his grasp. He needs to run to the far away future this time! Needs to plan for the good & accept that the bad is part of it. struggling is part of life & he’ll endure it together with her, while enjoying life’s rewards.

I love that kyo is the one who suggested moving out to another city/place, cuz kyo was the one NOT living. He was long dead & trapped in the cage of his guilt & self-loath. Tohru at least was living thro helping others ( which is not real living but at least it’s better). Kyo was “ Mom, why didn’t you kill me instead of yourself?” ,“ I’ll kill yuki & then kill myself, would that please you, dad?!”, “ I cant forgive me, I dont want you to forgive me, tohru”. Walking on a road of self-destruction & slow death. But now, with tohru he wants life!!! all of it!! travel, learn, see, struggle, fail, succeed, build their own future by themselves.

I love that kyo didnt take tohru’s approval for his plans for granted. He really didnt think she’ll accept right away. He didnt even want her to dedice quickly, He was prepared for compromising to a better solution for them both. They’ll work other possibilities “ if i’m gonna live in this world, I want to do it with you”.

I love that kyo was real abt the obstacles ahead & didnt want tohru to just follow him based on love. He wanted her to decide on her own as well. He also, left the door open for her to change her mind anytime & this screams support & understanding!! Very powerful!.

2- Thoru’s toxic habit of being ashamed to desire anything for herself, living for others & wearing a happy “i’m okay” mask while concealing her true feelings became confidence, self-clarity & honesty: The tohru who was smiling while concealing grief on the beach is gone, the tohru who kyo had to coax her to “complain, be selfish” se01,ep5, to “not hide worrying over a relative’s sickness” se02, ep14 “ cry if she needs to” se3, ep6, is now telling kyo her honest opinion abt his proposal, while thinking of her own self as much as him & even objecting to his sentiment abt her mom’s words!!!!

I love that tohru is now a confident free woman making her own decisions based on self-honesty & communication with her partner. She wasn't just “okay” with it cuz he wants it while putting fake smile, No more of that. Now, she’ll say her true feelings, she asked him abt his plans, tried to see if it is a spur of the moment decision or if he really thought abt it. She also inquired where’s heading, who he talked to, what he’s planning! She is deciding for herself after hearing him! ok, this is your plan? I like it. I’m going! Very powerful!.

I love that like how kyo was realistic abt the plan having some difficulties due to starting away by themselves, she was also realistic that it is indeed sad to part with my friends, my hometown, & my mom’s resting-place, but i’ll choose ME now. “I” want to go with you for “me”. This is not a bind I’ll follow you wherever love story, this is realistic depiction of healthy relationship. Acknowledging hardships & accepting them saves you from being crushed by failure, you’ll endure it when it eventually happens & move on, cuz God knows we DO fail & succeed! Life isnt smooth sailing~

I love that tohru complemented him on his plan cuz she could see that is a sign of growth. If she’s gonna share her life with this man, it is delightful to see that he is thinking of a happier, healthier & realistic future! Cuz kyo was this destroyed man~ so destroyed he was pushing her away despite loving her dearly, now, he’s asking her opinion & permission to accompany him!

I love that tohru made sure to touch upon kyo’s last scar “ my mom doesnt hate you” This is a scar that wont go away even if kyo is mentally healthy. Cuz death is the ultimate truth. He can never hear kyoko’s affirming her love for him, he’ll have to trust in it based on their earlier interaction together. Tohru is powerfully & stubbornly taking away most of his pain by affirming her acknowledge of her mom. You might disagree kyo, you might still feel a bit guilty, it might haunt you sometimes. but me? NO. Never. Mom loved you. She meant ONLY good. Hopefully my determination heals you bit by bit, & it DOES. Kyo stands bravely, confidently & happily in front of kyoko’s grave & instead of saying “ i apologize for hurting you, or tohru, I’m sorry, forgive me”. he tells her he’ll keep their promise & protect tohru for life! he literally proposed there in front of her mom & all. T_T

-Kyoko’s Words: ( Sometimes, you don’t get to know the whole truth & that’s okay):

Can’t describe how much I love this part. This is the most painful yet important lesson in furuba. Life isn’t a movie where the entire truth is exposed to the characters or the audience. Sometimes you live & die without getting to know an important truth, hearing a much needed confirmation, or getting a loved one’s forgiveness. There are things in our life that we just can’t get back no matter how much we tried. What we do, then? die? despair? throw away what we DO have in our hands for this lost truth no matter how important it was to us? No, we do the only thing we can. Live. Not just go thro life’s motion, but really live. Accept the good & the bad. This is so goddamn easy & difficult as hell too!

-Kyo not knowing kyoko’s words at that time was tragic. It was so tragic it sent kyo into a suicidal descent into the abyss. The wounds of his mom’s death that were slowly healing with kazuma’s care got re-opened & poured blood! The old destructive habits became full force, The toxic coping habits returned with its ugliness. I can’t kill myself literally? I’ll do it figuratively. trapped, caged, destroyed, eyes shut, ears closed, only seeing his pain. Kyo is us. All of us in any moment of true crushing despair. He could never bring the dead back, hear their loving words or ask forgiveness. Thro kyo, the author is telling us... I know. You had your moment of lost truth, didn’t you? I know. IT IS OKAY. live, my child. your pain is valid, let it take its course, but afterwards live bravely.

-Kyo’s path towards healing is: the ugliest cuz it hurt tohru of all ppl, the longest cuz he was the last one to move on, the bloodiest cuz he’ll never have the ppl he lost, the rockiest cuz he failed & failed, the most frustrating cuz he repeated his mistakes over & over, He couldnt even do it alone. needed intervention & support. He lost hope. completely. But it is okay even if you fell as deep as kyo: stand up. even if you never learned the truth: let go. even if you were the last one to learn or heal: it isn’t a race. Embrace life with its good & bad & continue as kyoko said “ you fought well”

-Kyoko’s parting plea to her daughter broke my heart into pieces. Death is ugly, but death is a truth that we can’t escape. The leaving ones is hurting as much as the ones left behind, but hopefully, the leaving ones will find a happiness a kin to the ones left behind. yuki’s "say a prayer & move one, one step at a time” is all you can do.

-Kyoko was: a gangster who hurt others (ugly path), repented, married & had a daughter (fulfilling path), widowed & left her daughter while grieving (ugly path), came back, repented & tried to raise tohru well, love her enough! (fulfilling path), died & left her young high school daughter all alone (heartbreaking path) but she accepted that the last path isn’t sth she can fight, prayed, & accepted her fate~

-Kyoko~~ “ you fought well” while you were alive~ you really did! The Tohru you left behind helped a whole clan & hopefully readers as well! you tohru is loved by an entire generation of readers & anime watchers. Tohru is so precious & I can’t stop crying~

Side Notes:

Timeline is super messy & confusing. (a) Tohru’s hospital discharge, kyoru’s hug & curse break for everybody all happened at the (late) afternoon. While curse was breaking, akito was wearing her white kimono & she cried until tohru hugged her on sunset. (b) Before tohru’s hospital shigure’s face was scar-less. we first saw the scar in the afternoon & he was wearing his kimono.

Now the flashback, Akito wearing her outfit from her talk with the maid (which also happened while kyo was talking to his dad which is on the same day) & shigure wearing suit & it’s sunset time??????? How can the sunset happen before the curse break on the afternoon? She inflected the scars on the sunset, how did he have them on the afternoon of the same day?? both changed outfits which is even weirder??? Someone help me put things on order. Or is order not important? If the sequence of events isn’t important, then, why did it have to happen on the curse break day??? Shigure could’ve had his scars a day or two before tohru’s discharge.

Also the OP started in the middle of yuki’s scene which was so odd!

No big deal, but I still feel that yuki’s curse break would’ve been thematically powerful last ep. Especially after seeing The Zodiac Ruler come & collect the spirits. The legend would've been wrapped powerfully on the same ep where it was told. We see the zodiacs’ original story & we see its closure. It would’ve made tohru/akito’s hug more symbolic. An end of an era to akito & to them all. Real Goodbye to the zodiac animals, but now we had a goodbye & a half. lol.

Is yuki the only one seeing the cursed spirit? He looked down at it? I dont remember the others looking down where an animal would be? Is yuki’s curse special? different? He got all the ropes/bonds around him? I really thought yuki’s theme is all abt desiring to be normal & despising the “special” treatment that haunted him even in school.

Momiji/ kagura /kyo interaction is cute!

Haru/Yuki/ Isuzu interaction is cute as well. XD

Kagura, girl, you used to have best fashion, what’s up with jeans under knee length dress?! lol.

I’ll be honest. It is a lost opportunity that machi weren't made to question how teen-tohru is yuki’s mom. That would’ve solidified her as a unique stand alone character if she were to discuss it with yuki. Tohru being yuki’s mom figure is not normal, otherwise yuki’s entire dilemma of figuring out his feelings for tohru would’ve become meaningless. Having machi quickly “understand” it is a bit weird. But it helps the plot move quickly, I guess. ( it reminds me of Arisa hugging akito when she confessed stabbing kureno without questioning anything, it is weird, but you get the message that “ we aint got time for that~ gotta hop on the next plot).

I love that furuba subverted the old anime-trope of the entire happy cast staying together in one city/place & living exactly like they did in their teens except being married now! XD. It is so realistic that each character is now moving on their path of life~

Tohru wore a ring in her foreshadowing vision! SHE WORE A RING! My baby girl is a grown woman now~ T_T. I love tohru so much!~

Shigure/ akito & the last banquet is in my review part 2. I’ve been editing out any thoughts abt Shigure from my previous posts. I needed to see the whole picture first. I think can now talk abt them, I’m looking forward to the comments of the next part cuz I really really need to see if I understood it or if i’m off.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #crying paper #proud paper!#tohru is just so precious!#final season #Part 1

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enderspawn · 4 years ago

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🎼 (I can’t find the correct emoji lol) exile arc tommy?

Oh boy! (opens up breakdown playlist) /hj

Montreal – Penelope Scott

Sleep with a Baseball Bat – Cosmic Johnny

Brother – Gerard Way

breakdown under cut, tw for suicidal ideation on the first song esp

1. Montreal – heehee hoohoo suicidal/depression thoughts baby!!

I mean in short this is tommy saying he wont Survive exile. The intro of the song lists when the singer would be home from college/school and that “another 90 day summers gonna take [their] fucking life” which is rlly just. Tommy not gonna live THAT long in exile.

“And I would rather die And let me make it clear It's nobody's fault But I think we all know That I won't make it to Montreal”

So the thing here is that its “nobody’s fault” bc on one hand it is that he doesn’t blame tubbo but worse he doesn’t blame DREAM. Its just meant to happen, its not bc of anybody, yknow?

“And I would rather die I'll jump before I'll fall And I'm having lots of fun But I won't make it Montreal”

Mans tried to jump to his death before he “fell” whether bc of dream or an accident, hes makin the active CHOICE to end it rather than just waiting. Even w the fun he’s having w dream, he’s miserable and he knows he wont make it to see lmanberg again

“You like to talk about the future As if it's real And when you tell me that you love me I can almost feel it”

Dream keeps promising him stuff for the future. Maybe he can visit to see the tree, maybe he can get another visit, maybe he wont be alone. But tommy doesn’t care, its all fake to him (which like, it is so good for him but fjkdlsjf)

“It's not that it's a bad plan No, the plan fucking slapped I was so excited you don't know how bad I wanted all of it The coffee shop, the weather, the apartment But I don't want anything anymore I don't know, I guess I just got bored”

Okay so. Tommy kept trying to get shit together to leave, right? He wanted to go back so bad and have this domestic life w his friends but in the end he just got so downtrodden that after his shit got blown up he was so ready to just GIVE UP.

“And I don't wanna die I don't wanna get left behind But it's better half than none I hope to god you have some fun”

He doesn’t want to be in this situation, he still CARES abt the lmanberg crew but in the end hes been told that they’re happy WIHTOUT him. He’s not angry at them, not anymore, he just wants them to be happy bc he isn’t.

2. Sleep with a Baseball Bat – tommy and dream relationship baby!!

“And every time you wake up Thinking this could be the day Well something, something just”

Every day in exile he had no real plans. He just had to exist out there alone and hope someone else came. This IS the day he can do…. Something. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a goal.

“And when your love is an anxiety attack Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat”

Hes been manipulated into thinkin dream is his friend, that dream “loves” him but it makes him miserable! Hes paranoid and stressed and falling apart!! Boy!!! Fjdsklfj

“Siena says you’re getting used But something’s broken in your head And you can’t run away when you need to”

The other ppl who visited him, like ranboo, KNEW something was happening and that he was in a bad place but tommy had been manipulated by dream so much that he couldn’t process it. No, dream couldn’t be bad, dream was his friend, right? He couldn’t leave exile, dream would be upset. Its all what DREAM wants, not tommy.

“Hey, space cadet Are you still floating round the rock That you spent so much of your life trying to get away from? And does it at least look different from up there?”

OKAY SO ONE. SPACE CADET? THAT’S CLARA BABY!! TWO: he spent ALL his time on this server fucking fighting dream, trying to “get away from” him. But now hes stuck “floating around” with him as his “friend”. The last line feels sarcastic and bitter but like. FUCK it hits, yknow??

“It might take a couple tries till you believe it But love is real, you’ll figure it out, you’ll live to see it But you still have to take a couple of falls And you can’t make an omelet without breaking your balls So batter up Is your bed made? Is your helmet on?”

HAPPY ENDING POG!! HE STARTS HEALING!!!! HE STARTS REALIZING DREAM WASN’T HIS FRIEND!!! He still “falls” and relapses into wanting dream w him but hes so much better!!! Also,,,,, “is your helmet on” w the turtle shell helmet (eyes emoji)

3. Brother – IF TECHNO AND TOMMY NOT BROTHERS WHY THIS SON—(gunshot rings out)

Okay so on a serious note this song is abt addiction and while I don’t want to take away from that Serious Topic, it Does relate but w tommy dealing w his ptsd of dream

“And brother, if you have the chance to pick me up And can I sleep on your couch To the pound of the ache and pain? Oh, in my head 'Cause I'm awake all night long To the drums of the city rain”

Hhrhnrng staying at technos place to hide from dream and get better a lil JFKDLSJK. Also “the drums of the city rain” is referenced a LOT in this song but like. It keeps him up so,,,,,, dream JFKDLSJF. Mans barely ever slept in exile so it WORKS okay jfkdlsjf

“The lights we chase The nights we steal The things that we take to make us feel this (To the drums of the city rain)”

This is him and techno livin together!! Like in the first chorus you could see lights we chase being tommy finding techno’s place, then later it’s the lights of lmanberg as they sneak in. the nights they steal is both just time spent together and also straight up the times they stole shit JFKDSLJ. “the things that we take to make us feel” is the gapples tommy always eats so that he can feel safe (also, bc in the og song this is PROBABLY abt drugs and potions are drugs in universe so. Arguably getting a potion effect from the apple means it is Also Drugs? Fjdkslfj)

“I can't go back I don't think I will I won't sleep tonight as long as I still Hear the drums of the city rain”

Go back to logstedshire or lmanberg you ask?? The answer is yes. Both. He feels like he doesn’t belong in lmanberg and logstedshire is too traumatizing for him to return at this point. As long as he “hears the drums of the city rain”, or is thinking of dream, he Cant Sleep:tm:

“Does anyone have the guts to shut me up? 'Cause I believe that every night There's a chance we can walk away So hold on tight Because I won't wait too long In the drums of the beating rain”

Okay so hear me out but. This is just tommy and dream. “I believe that every night theres a chance we can walk away” is tommy hoping desperately for dream to let him go home, to walk away from logstedshire. He never will be permitted, not really, but theres a chance that tommy clings to. He wont “wait too long” while out in exile and stuck w dream bc hes desperate and miserable (also fun fact these analysis is basically me just pmv’ing shit in my head and rambling vaguely abt it but like. Listen,,,, flashback verse jfkdsljf) ALSO. The line “does anyone have the guts to shut me up” in relation to exile!tommy is just VERY important to me. Mans was so quiet and afraid to speak up when in exile.

“'Cause the nights don't last And we leave alone Will you drive me back? Can you take me home? (To the drums of the city rain)”

Following up that last paragraph, this is still in flashback. The days end and dream leaves again, making tommy alone. He asks if he can go back, if he can see home and lmanberg and everyone. But echoing the “to the drums of the city rain” after home CAN imply that “home” has become logstedshire WITH DREAM even tho it keeps him up and aaAAAAAHHHH

I swear this ends up okay and techno + tommy focused fjkdsljf

“Faces I don't know I am tired in the glow”

He feels isolated from everyone during his exile and lashes out at those who visit, to the point he feels like they’re all more or less strangers and “faces he doesn’t know”. Being tired in the glow is, imo, him over the lava.

“Of the freezing club Keep me breathing Don't make the lights come back Can you take me home? We all need this When we leave alone”

Hhhngg okay so tommy breakdown time! Hes in techno’s house (the freezing club) and is just pleading for techno to help. Don’t let “the lights come back” (lava again maybe? He doesn’t want to be Like This?) and just wants to feel like hes at home because hes just left exile and hes Messed Up Over It

“Remember when you and I would make things up? So many nights, just take me down To the place we can hear them play I miss that sound 'Cause now we don't sing so loud To the drums of the city rain”

OKAY SO THEY MAY NOT BE CANON FAMILY BUT WILBUR REMEMBERS SPARRING W TECHNO AS A KID AND PHIL IS HIS CLOSE FRIEND SO THEY STILL KNEW EACH OTHER AS KIDS SO SHUSH FJSDKL. Tommy just wants things to go back to how they were, before everything. When things were easy and they were kids just having fun. He misses it. Before exile, before lmanberg, before dream. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re stuck in this now. With his brother dead and his closest friend being the man who killed his best friend and helped blow up his country. Again, the drums of the city rain is dream. Because of his influence, its all different.

Hhhngngngn this is too long so I wont go into the last outro bc you can interpret it a LOT of ways, esp depending on how you want to Pace this song w the exile arc. But like. The analysis is THERE if you really wanna push it/animatic it babeyyy

#dream smp #mcyt #tommyinnit #exile arc #HHHHNG IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE JFKLDSJ #I PROMISED MYSELF ID FINISH THIS ASK GAME UP AND WOULDNT GO IN DEPTH AS MUCH THEN DID EXACTLY THAT W THREE SONGS JFKDSL #tommy #answered #song ask game #listen the last song is a LIL bit of a stretch but its my playlist i get to put in the not depressing song fjdkls #Anonymous

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oofluc · 4 years ago

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⌠ AXEL AURIANT, 20, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, LUC MONTAGNIER! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + KNIFE FIGHTING SKILLS, SWORD TRAINING, PRECISION SHOOTING, FIREARMS & SWAT TRAINING; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( dried blood on busted knuckles, forced smiles and sweat drenched after training ). when it’s the (virgo)’s birthday on 09/17/1999, they always request their SEARED SCALLOPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ ooc mochi, 23, she/her, gmt ⍀

slight warning to those who saw i originally planned him to be an anxious soft boi … i was wrong also there is a suicide mention & some subtle child abuse maybe... plus it’s kind of long ? and an incoherent mess but whatever !! plotting is welcome either on tumblr or on discord which you can find me at mochi#7066 !! his pinterest is here yes i went overboard with sections esp bc im gonna add more hdjf !! stats here and a full connection page here with most stuff i have so far ! @gallagherintro

PARALLELS

fred jones | scooby doo

stefan salvatore | the vampire diaries

hatsuharu sohma | fruits basket

noatak | avatar: the legend of korra

FAMILY

phillipe montagnier | 54

ameline montagnier | 46

marc montagnier | ✝

luc montagnier | 20

charles montagnier | 18

elias montagnier | 18

HISTORY

the montagnier family was originally located in the south of france until luc’s grandfather moved them to quebec. their empire was in manufacturing all kinds of weaponry and selling them to governments and other spy families and organisations. if you needed something a bit obscure or unique, this was the family you'd come to.

luc grew up in a fairly isolated countryside area in a family of four brothers who he loved for the first few years of his life. first was marc, shy and respectful, luc himself two years behind, and then another two years graced the family with twins; charles and elias who lived by their own rules. marc and luc had always been close, marc was the best big brother possible and luc loved him a lot.

eventually after being pitted and forced to compete against each other for so long, it got quite personal and their bonds started being tested. their mother turned a blind eye to their father's borderline abusive methods when luc overtook his older brother in their father’s tests and training. bruises and broken bones were only natural in training so there wasn't much she could say even if she wanted to.

from as long as he could remember, he'd been firing guns. there was a shooting range on their estate and they went on hunting trips, too. his dad often had him show customers the potential of their weaponry and so he'd always been thrusted into that life whether he wanted a say or not. it’s been clear since he was around fourteen that if anyone was taking over the family business it'd be him, not his older brother, marc.

this definitely caused somewhat of a rift between him and marc, as he'd end up getting much harsher punishments when luc would disarm or ground him.

luckily for luc, he did enjoy fighting and was exceptionally gifted in the life planned out for him. he was always the most determined to gain their father's approval, which definitely showed in their results and how obedient he was in front of the man. when he finally got what he wanted, he didn't quite expect it to mean what it did. it was rare but every now and then he would kill for his dad. whether it was someone who betrayed the family or a potential threat to their business, if his dad told him to, he would, no questions asked. it was during this time he was more excluded from training with his brothers since he would be with his dad instead.

SUICIDE TW !!!!!!

his oldest brother marc was sent to blackthorne once he was eighteen and ended up committing suicide at the end of his second year, with luc set to follow the next year. this news was shocking for the montagnier family as luc's father was bitterly embarrassed and disappointed by his firstborns' death, wanting to cover it up as a murder so it couldn't be tied to the family name with such dishonour. it quickly created a divide as charles and elias defended marc's actions and revealed he'd been struggling with depression for the majority of his life, much like they did, which was all unknown to luc, who, for the first time, felt the repercussions of his father's favouritism. he had a new found rebellion against him that was violent with them going at each other's throats for the foreseeable future. luc ended up avoiding his place at blackthorne in hopes to piss off his dad and becoming more reclusive and bitter as time went on.

he really took his brother's death personally, believing he was a factor in it and wishing he'd been there for him more closely. if anyone so much as mentions marc to him he will be on guard and very easily angered. i think before marc died he was very charismatic, egotistical at times and driven whereas now he’s lost a lot of his energy and is more negative & aloof.

the following year was Rough™. he was no longer his dad's golden boy and the family dynamic shifted a lot with marc's death as luc ended up protecting his younger twin brothers instead of beating them for their dad's favour. he's certain he'd have been disowned had his mother not aligned herself with the kids as well.

i think their family dynamic is kinda like the cha family from sky castle if anyone has seen it !

luc eventually decided to enrol in school late, only to end up at gallagher instead. which... i mean, i think before marc died he was excited about attending blackthorne. so he’s bit ??? uncertain about the girls school.

PERSONALITY

genuinely i think it comes down to so many factors, whether he’s in a good mood, who’s speaking to him etc but neutrally he’s quite charming, happy to mess about a bit but more or less takes most stuff too seriously. since he’s not around his dad i do think he will explore a lot more and seek out adventure and fun but if he’s got a test or something due the next day then he’ll bail early since he is defo the type to never let his grades or performance be ruined

he’s quite cocky + likes to win no matter what so yes he will ruin a friendship to beat u at monopoly. second place is last place in his head.

at his best he can be confident, alluring, courteous, loyal… at his worst he's aggressive, destructive, apathetic and always says shit he doesn't mean !!!! will he apologize ?? unlikely but he'll try n make it right once he’s calmed down

thinks the best way to deal with things is with his fists, he’s so EASY to snap and start a fight n he’ll.... maybe apologise for it

i think he defo likes to pretend he’s got no problems and so reverts to a social, supportive friend every once in a while. the type to be brutally honest !!

he’s a definite know it all, thinks he’s the dog’s bollocks, gods gift etc !!!!! doesn’t believe in god but still. I kinda see him a bit jocky idk why but more brooding n isolating 70% of the time bc he’s easily pissed off but when he’s having fUNNNNN he’s ok like a solid guy at times just easily angered

very flirty, he's a major ladies man despite actually being GAY. which is a secret. sh. only two people know he’s gay and that’s his current beard girlfriend ellie cavanagh and childhood friend regine ren. more ppl can defo find out in time and i’m sure ppl have speculations ? maybe have seen him hooking up with guys or something when he thought no one was looking etc probs think he’s bi who knows!!! but for now those two are the only people he’s actually spoken to about it!!!! so if anyone else tries he will deny it as he’s very against the idea of coming out so will not discuss it ty pls.

and it’s not that he doesn’t enjoy sleeping with girls, he’ll be having a great time regardless but he just aint abt to love them like that pls understand

still, he is in a current relationship with ellie who is acting as his beard for him. they have ‘ dated ’ before and are off and on a lot, so they probably seem pretty toxic tbh since ellie n him can clash n argue and he defo still hooks up with other girls despite being in a relationship so feel free to kill him for cheating !

wanted connections !!!

going off the last point, maybe some of ellie’s friends who come at him for how he seemingly treats her !!!

i'd love for blackthorne ppl to have known his brother, he'd have been around about 22/23 and a fourth year now if he was still alive so ?? it might help luc with some closure if he could talk about him since it happened at blackthorne

ppl to know the family, some family friends would be amazing !!! i feel regardless of alliances etc their family would have stayed as neutral as possible since they're selling weapons so they want all the customers.

so people that know HIM while he was growing up would be interesting esp those expecting him to have joined blackthorne when he was supposed to 2 years ago, and obvs him probably changing from who they knew him as to a more negative version now

might put a wc for his twin bros as they potentially joined his arrival at gallagher as first years too but who knows. they’d be 18 so if anyone wants a family friend connection that is around that age, maybe they were closer to the twins than luc ??

he sleeps with a lot of girls to kinda ‘make sure’ no one knows he’s gay as he defo doesn't feel comfortable with being out. the guys that he sleeps with he'll always pin it on being too drunk to remember or he'll threaten them if they told etc ?? he's very on edge about it and would only hook up super secretly sooo if anyone’s down for that with him

and then obvs need a lot of ladies he’d wanna sleep with to keep his image

previous ex gfs ?? from prep schools !!!!!!!

some positive influences would be good

bad influences as well bc tho he is a bit of a party guy, he doesn’t drink loads and he doesn’t do drugs !!!!!!!!!!!!!! but…. I mean i bet he could be convinced now he’s away from home so

study / sparring buddies !!

i’d love someone to teach him pop culture n normality !! his childhood was training and competing with his bros so he defo doesn’t watch many movies or tv or play games etc so ? someone making him watch all the harry potters ?? binging parks and rec ?? he’d find it so dumb but who wouldnt enjoy it ??

#gallagher:intro #i know a lot of u have seen this bc i cant keep secrets but whatever #genuinely think this is my longest intro ever

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szopenhauer · 4 years ago

Text

If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? doubtful, I don’t wanna hurt anyone, it’s awkward and a lot of ppl can’t change how they smell

Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? used to have one special object, I still hold it sometimes, I suppose I might again at night from Friday to Saturday

When are you likely to hide your emotions? when I’m face to face with an authority figure like boss, teacher or doctor, policeman too but I never been in a situation like this with them, I also hide my emotions from abusers at times to not show I’m afraid of them and to not provoke them more as well

Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? I guess starvation as it takes longer

Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? it’s their decision to smoke, I don’t approve but I won’t get involved, I can only avoid them

Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? self harm more likely, I mean... I was talking with suicidal people about them wanting to kill themselves but never at the moment when they were doing it so I don’t know if that counts

When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? packing, last day with my parents before I go to the hospital

What is the last thing you complained about? probably health related issues

What was the last curse-word you said? kurwa

When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? I don’t fake sick, I might exaggerate but I won’t lie, I don’t want to worry my parents and because I’m chronicall ill I often was going to school even though I didn’t felt like it

Do you still talk to your very first best friend? no

When was the last time something went terribly wrong? basically everything goes wrong

How do you console someone when he or she is upset? depends

Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? no thx

How often do you feel overwhelmed? all the damn time

How do you deal with everyday life? poorly

Who in your family do you act like the most? my dad

What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? my gf is doing many sweet things

Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? I’ve never been confronted by the store guard - elseway I would never go back there out of anxiety

Is there someone that makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? my mom

Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? sorta XD

Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? I was attacked but I didn’t fight back so...

A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? dunno

When was the last time you visited a thrift store? recently

Can you handle constructive criticism? I can’t handle any criticism :(

Who is the most sensitive person that you know? me?...

When was the last time you wrote someone a note? few days ago

Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? I always tell

What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? not sure what was last hmm...

Which season do you dread the most? winter

Is there a foreign culture you’d like to learn more about? maybe

Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought “I could have done that?” abstract art

What is the scariest thing about attending your school? which one?

Are you a good judge of other people’s intentions? I got better with time

Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? depends

When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? my mother sometimes asks me to because she has migraines

When you don’t know how to spell a word, do you look it up? not always *ashamed*

Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? nope but I’m the one that often goes to the bathroom

Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? sure

When was the last time you doubted your abilities? I have... abilities? :o

What was the last thing you wished for? health... not gonna happen tho :(

How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? several, when I wake up then when I eat and between meals and then when I go to sleep and in the middle of the night if I go to pee

Where do you first remember living? I never moved

First fandom? woah I don’t remember

First otp/ship? neither

How old were you when you first when on a plane? -

What was your first tattoo? -

Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? show - She-ra, movie - A lot like love

Did you lose your virginity before you were sixteen? nooo

How many purses do you own? too many lol Are you bi? am not Who was your prom date? I never had one, I didn’t go to prom

Who was the last person to see you cry? parent[s]

Have you ever been used? yep

Do you like when girl takes you by surprise and kisses you? I like consent but... those were the best kisses ^^’’

Have you ever gone for someone despite knowing they were bad for you? I didn’t think about the future nor that I deserve love What kind of gift can win you over? what do you mean by WIN ME OVER? Are diamonds really a girls best friend? not mine, I don’t care for diamonds

Have you ever dated someone with a child? no way Have you ever dated someone shorter than you? Sarah was shorter

Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? my parents and my current partner

What sound is annoying you right now? it’s quiet :3

What gives you a peaceful feeling? sleep?

Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? country

Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? taker and user I suppose

Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? early

If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? the truth

Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for the child to outlive their parent? parent to outlive the child because it’s not common

When do you do your best thinking? evening/night

What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? majority of decisions are smth I’d prefer not to make

What age do you think it is most difficult to be? to each their own

Do you think you could handle a day in jail? who knows

Have you ever been on a trampoline? I have not

Do you pretend to be something you’re not to make friends? I’m being myself and that’s why I’m friendless :P

Are you more of a shy or outgoing person? I’m introverted antisocial and a loner but I’m not shy, I can be loud and talkative

Are you more of an athlete or artist? artist Are you the type to procrastinate? I put PRO in procrastination Do you believe that you’ll always be a kid at heart? ;) What is something you want to improve on this year? health, I’m trying How many times a day do you get angry? uh oh... If you could eat any food you want right now, what would it be? personal Can you sleep with your eyes open? I’m no Gandalf

Do you still have any living grandparents? If so, how old are they? I don’t wanna talk about that

What’s your favorite computer game genre? simulations Do you have any exes your parents never liked? pfft Do you ever keep things just because they might be useful someday? we are hoarders

Are you frequently in a bad mood? sorry... Do you ever fill out surveys while in a bad mood? I go through soooo many moods before I finish one survey Are you a fast or a slow eater? slowest among my friends, fastest in my house How old were you when you had your first relationship? no idea what I should call a relationship and what not Do you get dental checkups at least once a year? yup Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? mom, sister before she moved out Have you ever used chewing tobacco? tha hell? that’s disgusting!

Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? not applicable Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? hat Are you putting off doing something right now? If so, what is it? drying my hair, drinking water and going to sleep mostly

Are you like me and hoard notebooks and pens? pens now, I stopped buying notebooks... oh wait... no... I just got one because I wanted to save bees, nvm... Are you sitting in front of or by a window? What can you see out there? by, it’s dark but there’s my neighbor’s house Are there any coasters on your table? If so, do they have text or pictures? flowers Do you have a song playing in your head right now, too? not really Don’t you hate it when people answer to surveys with one word answers? lame *I realized I did that myself *facepalm* Ever watched a cat or a dog sleep and run/twitch in their sleep? adorable <3 What’s something we do every day but they don’t depict in movies? it bothers me that in fantasy/sci-fi movies there are no toilets and meals are rare

Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? in the middle, childish yet of an old person haha Do you usually carry a backpack, a shoulder bag or something else? shoulder bag or tote Do you wear glasses? If so, have you ever tried to fix them when they’ve broken? helped my dad fix his glasses couple of times Are there a lot of dragonflies around your house? they don’t show up frequently

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my-proof-is-you · 5 years ago

Text

My Saving Grace - Pt. 2 (final)

Request from Anon: Hey, Sam. I just found your blog and I read some of your works and they’re truly awesome. So I wanted to ask for a sad angsty fic where the reader is secretly in love with Dean for years & no one knows. And she thinks she doesn’t deserve him at all but she’s actually good ppl & maybe hot but she’s depressed & suicidal & she keeps being close to Dean to not get killed by herself & eventually in a haunt she risks her life to save Dean but gets injured & and says don’t pity me to Dean & dies. Warnings: thoughts of suicide, depression

*I do not own any pics or gifs

Masterlist

You

After realizing how important Dean was for your sanity, you stuck pretty close to him. You were always afraid you were going to be too much of a burden on him, but he didn’t seem to mind your company.

The two of you would spend time watching old horror films or sit by each other when you researched. And while your depression was at bay when you were near him, it flooded back full-force when you were alone.

Because of that, you weren’t getting much sleep.

Your thoughts never stopped when you laid in bed at night. Thoughts of worthlessness, being a burden, and most of all, the sadness of feeling alone were what swirled through your head into the wee hours of the morning.

You kept the bottle of pills beside your bed. You would look at them now and again, contemplating making the thoughts stop. Somehow, though, Dean would burst through your walls at the exact right moment, stomping the bricks to pieces without even knowing it.

On good days, you thought about telling Dean the truth: that you’d been in love with him for years. Something always held you back, though. Your biggest fear was losing him.

One night, the two of you watched two movies in a row. Sam had left after the first, his big hand covering his mouth in a yawn.

After the credits had long since stopped, the two of you were still sitting on the couch, talking. You sat facing each other, Dean with one leg up and one foot touching the ground, and you with your legs folded like a pretzel.

You had just finished arguing about who was the better character in Game of Thrones: Aria or Jon. It ended with an agreement to disagree.

“Well, we should probably be heading to—“ you began. You were cut off, though, by Dean’s lips hitting yours.

You were so shocked that you didn’t even know what to do. For a moment you just sat there, trying to understand what was happening.

When you did, though, you returned the kiss. Your hands traveled to the sides of his face while his gripped your hips. His lips were perfect and soft and you felt like you could lose yourself forever in them.

Eventually, though, you pulled apart, both gasping.

“Wow,” you said—and you meant it.

“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m sorry if that was weird for you. I just—I had to do it.”

“No, no, it was great. Perfect,” you said. You decided to put it all out there. “Dean...I—I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time.”

“Me, too,” he said with a smirk.

“I mean a really long time,” you said. “Dean I...I love you.”

Dean’s eyes widened and he faltered for words. You felt your heart sink.

“Y/N, I like you so much but I…”

“It’s fine,” you said, standing up. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have said anything.” You rushed away to your room, utterly humiliated. You couldn’t believe you had told him that. He kissed you, probably just because he wanted to try it, and you told him you loved him.

Like he could ever be in love with me.

You heard a soft knock on your door but ignored it. You had locked it behind you, too embarrassed to see Dean.

After a minute you heard his footsteps retreat and the distant sound of his door closing.

You looked at your trusty orange bottle of pills. Sure, you were upset and embarrassed. But you weren’t ready to throw in the towel yet.

Besides, having anything with Dean was better than nothing at all.

“Hey, guys, Jody found us a vamp hunt not far from here, and she said we need to get there ASAP,” Sam said, coming into the kitchen with his phone in hand. You were sitting at the table across from Dean. Dean had tried to talk to you about the night before, but you brushed him off, saying it wasn’t a big deal. You had squeezed his hand to let him know that you still cared, and he smiled, seeing it as a good sign before squeezing your hand back.

“Okay, I’ll get packed and meet you guys by the car.”

An hour later, you were arriving at the hunt. There had been five vics already drained of their blood, and all signs pointed to the closed-down restaurant that stood in front of the three of you.

“Okay, Sam, you go in back. Y/N, you and I will take the front,” Dean said quietly, pointing with his machete. You and Sam nodded and Sam jogged toward the back of the restaurant.

Dean threw open the front door and the two of you were immediately fighting your way through vamps. Dean was taking on two and you were swinging your machete at one in front of you, desperately trying to behead her.

You could hear grunting from the back of the restaurant behind the counter, and knew Sam was fighting hard as well.

When you finally killed your vamp you turned to see Dean had killed one and knocked out another. He turned to face you and gave you a thumbs up. You were going to return it when you saw the “unconscious” vamp quickly come to a stand, fangs bared. He had his own machete in hand—you weren’t sure where it had come from.

“Dean, look out!” you yelled. Before you could even think, you launched yourself at him, throwing him out of the way.

You immediately felt sharp pain in your abdomen, and felt yourself stumbling backwards. You fell to the ground, and you could hear Dean’s voice calling out to you as he fought off the last vampire. You looked down, the room beginning to spin. You pulled the machete out of your stomach, a warm flow of blood following it.

You laid your head back and you knew: this was the end.

Dean

Dean ran to your side the second the last vamp was dead. You were clutching your stomach, blood seeping out between your fingers and out of your mouth. Dean pulled your head into his lap.

“Y/N? Oh God, Y/N!”

Sam caught up and found the two of you there on the floor.

“Get the car, Sammy, now!” He didn’t need to be told twice.

“Y/N, sweetheart, look at me, open your eyes!” Your eyes slowly cracked open.

“D-Dean,” you said before coughing again, more blood dripping from your mouth.

“You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart, don’t worry,” Dean cooed. Your face was scrunched in pain, and Dean brushed the hair out of your eyes, just wishing he could take it away for you.

“D-Don’t worry, Dean,” you said, your breaths wheezing. “Th-This...this is how it was supposed to be.”

Dean’s eyes searched your face, trying to understand. “What? What are you talking about Y/N? You’re going to be fine!”

“You have to promise to let me g-go,” you continued. You reached a weak blood-covered hand to Dean’s face, resting it lightly on his cheek.

“Y/N, you hold on! You’re going to be okay!” Dean was yelling now, not willing to give up. To give you up.

Your eyes suddenly cleared, and a small smile spread across your face. Dean knew that look. You couldn’t feel the pain anymore.

“No, Y/N, no!”

“Dean…”

“Y/N, please, stay with me,” he said, tears streaming down his face. “I love you. I love you so much.” He held onto you tight, as if that could keep you from actually leaving him.

You fought to keep your eyes open. When you were able to hold your lids up, you looked directly into Dean’s eyes, Y/E/C meeting green.

“You were my saving grace.”

You exhaled, and Dean felt your hand slip from his face and to the ground.

“Y/N? Y/N, no!” Dean tapped your face, hoping you’d wake up, that you’d merely lost consciousness.

He knew the truth, though. Your eyes stared blankly at nothing.

You were gone.

THE END

Forevers:

@malfoysqueen14

@divadinag

@lynne1993

@deans-baby-momma

@awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce

#SPN #spn fanfic #spnfandom #SPNFamily #spn imagine #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #thoughts of suicide #dean winchester #depression #dean x reader #dean x you #dean winchester/reader #Sam Winchester #angst #fluff #fanfic

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polyamorous-mysme · 4 years ago

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What's your opinion on Jimin and V? They both infuriate me because of the way they handled things in the routes. I think Jimin gets a little bit better at the end of his route, but V doesn't seem too. He doesn't tell Saeyoung about his brother, just shows up one day Saeran in tow and is just like 'I'm back'. Even if Saeran didn't want to go back yet, he could at least told Saeyoung what was going on.

tbh most of my opinions on every mm character is that you just have to completely disregard how Normal ppl would act given that the plots of mm are so wild and unbelievable. on the other had though i get why people have qualms w certain characters for how they handle the plot. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ eso si que es

But. as far as jumins route goes i think they just fucking did him dirty w it. with the second bad end/chats leading to it especially. I know it sounds weird to say given that it's his route but those few days are so fucking OOC for jumin. i mean I'll find my own ways to rationalize it bc it Can be rationalized if you care to, but not everyone will. because its fucking weird. not even the end itself but jumin leading up to it.

that being said i LIKE jumin and i like his route save for that. jumins hidden or has Had to hide his emotions and opinions his whole life. his father frequently brings new women in and out of his life, one of the only two people hes ever been able to trust has just committed suicide and he feels like he doesnt even Know either of them anymore, and then MC comes along getting him to open up making him Trust them again and hes worried something similar is going to happen. yeah yeah cat ran away whatever but to ignore what its ACTUALLY about is impossible. rika was one one of the only people and the only Woman he really trusted wholeheartedly as an equal and shes dead the cat she gave him is missing and being overprotective of MC is his one way of gaining control again. if I couldn't rationalize that though it absolutely would have skeeved me out from the get-go, though. so im not surprised Or affronted by the fact that ppl find it irredeemable ig.

now V. V is an even weirder story. he clings to rika from the moment they first met because dont ask me why. i dont know why. is she supposed to remind him of his mother? weird. is he genuinely just that nice of a person? probably. and rika is fucked. rika is traumatized and has been since young childhood. she suffers from what someone who doesnt experience delusions thinks delusions are or how they feel. whatever. and V loves her So Much that if she wont GET help he wont force her so hes going to do whatever He can to help her. until it goes really fucking wrong.

and let's all just be honest and say everything about seven and saeran and especially their backstory doesnt make sense. it ABSOLUTELY hinges on suspension of disbelief. but there are some aspects that do make sense. the stronger older brother in an abusive household is trying to keep himself And his sickly younger brother safe and sane. stumbles across v and rika and we already know mm doesnt Quite take place in our world as we know it and i know fuck all about typical korean life and families so I couldnt tell you why they didnt report their home life to the authorities from the get go. also this whole thing doesnt fucking make sense bc seven and saeran look like MAYBE 10 at this point and V is only 5 years older than them max but him and rika have obviously been together for a while and are Adults here. doesnt track. timeline dont make sense. angway.

but the way I see it is rika had Already started to plot mint eye yadda yadda here and knew that if the boys were separated she could control seven publicly as the stronger twin in a way that makes it seem like they're helping and protecting them both, they just have to be separated. seven can roll w the loneliness and grief of having to leave his brother behind as long as it means hes safe. and w saeran, she can use that same grief and loneliness to manipulate him a different way. behind the scenes. create her perfect believer who will do Anything she says because she saved him, why shouldnt she save everyone else? and j think by the time V realized just how bad rikas mental state was it was too late to Fix it. but he loved her he loved the RFA and the RFA loved rika. he didnt want to taint or tarnish her image w the reality of who she is what shes been doing etc.

after that it's a series of unfortunate events and fucking stupid decisions v thinks hes making for the good and sanity of everyone else. hes given himself a "I'm not a hero i just Have to bear all this by myself forever and fix it alone with no help and save Everyone in the end" complex that sure is with great intentions but leads down a rabbit hole of hurt and fuckery that he cant fix. ever. and I think he was worried about telling seven about saeran because if he had he KNOWS seven would have gone after him alone. and he would have been hurt or killed or worse. he would have been. and V was still trying to save whoever he could. save rika and Hope he could save saeran? save saeran and Hope he could save rika? who knows. I dont. I think V had the BEST intentions. i do. i think he was just a bit of a Rudely untrusting dumbass carrying them out.

but that's what mm is. MC is the character that is meant to push the characters into healing from their fatal flaw. yoosung is slipping from success because up to that point hes hinged his entire future on his older cousin. zen. i dont remember. has to find a happy balance between shooting for the stars but not hiding himself or who he is while doing it? something gay like that. jaehee pushes herself too hard to be successful. to not be a burden. to be financially and socially stable and safe above her own happiness. jumin is cold and untrusting and hides himself because the last time he wasnt/didnt, he got Hurt. seven is the same gay shit as jumin and zen with the added bonus of needing to learn that mc can make their own decisions wrt danger. v needs to stop carrying the world on his shoulders. saeran . . . needs to heal. learn that his life is not intrinsically tied to the lives of others and he can still love people but be his Own person, whole and healed. whether or not you the individual player believe that by the end of the route theyve gotten their first real step in the right direction is up to you.

anyway stream room 206 ep by elah hale on spotify.

#not headcanons #onions have layers

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fart-gate · 4 years ago

Text

SG1

Season 2 episode 5

"NEED"

Notes by me

- heard this episode was some good shit with lots of cough whump cough here we goooooo

- the goauld are collecting raw naquada. What do they need it for

- oh I love the pyramid ships their so cool

- *Daniel runs off recklessly*

"Wish he'd stop doing that!"

- its a cloaked lady!

- when she turns around and sees Daniel for the first time. 404 cloaked lady has stopped working

- Jack is so aggravated at Daniel for being too nice

- OKAY what the fuck dude. Get your disgusting hands off my Sam or I'll punch you in the throat

- I dont think theyre gonna listen to reason Daniel

- miners!

- Sam can sense worms??? She got worm radar ????

- "I get a weird feeling when im around tealc"

"hey who doesnt"

- ITS BREAK OUT TIME

- "lets go daniel!!"

"I'm coming!"

So innocent 😭

- shit is he dead again👀

- that must have hurt like a mother fucker yikes. Reminds me of the episode of BBC Merlin when the rockslide came down and separated him and arthur

- gurl not even a minute ago you were gonna commit suicide and now you want to take over after your dad? Make up yo damn mind

- a sarcophagus! Oh its Daniel

- NICE OUTFIT

- no glasses!Daniel

- she says she dressed him in new clothes while looking him up and down like lady what the fuck. You taking peeps at my boy? You wanna fuckin fight?

- "personal responsibility for you" basically shes saying she owns you now buddy you better run

- wait how many times has he used the sarc now? Its about 3 times I think

- "glass circles" lol

- damn theyre cracked. Makes me think how many times daniel has broken or lost his glasses and had to get new ones.

- whys she so goddamn CREEPY

- why is she so fascinated with trees my respect for her goes down with every second

- she wants to hit that and you know what? She's valid

- "youre my destiny"

"BLEHGR ......what???"

On all levels except physical, Daniel is barfing so hard right now

- also ???? Destiny??? Ok george mcfly

- this psycho: anyway so me and my mom....

daniel: can we back track for a sec I have some thoughts

- "surprisingly difficult to kill you isnt it?" You got no idea Jack smh

- "nice dress"

- sg1 as slaves is something tho 👀

- I'm laughing theyre throwing a feast for Daniel while the rest of them mine coal. Tough luck guys

- 700 years old YIKES

- "I dont think you understand what they mean to me" ❤💕❤💕❤💕❤☺❤☺❤❤❤❤☺☺☺💗💗💗

- daniel being treated like the princesses boy toy lol

- honey.......dont sleep in the sarc

- what possessed him to think that this is a good idea

- jack, tealc, and Sam update: still in the mine!

- DANIELS HAIR IS POOF

- hes LOST his marbles

- "and look!!! No glasses!!" Hes so excited

- hes getting obsessed with this thing

- 9 or 10 times in the sarc???

Jack: hes drunk as fuck

- hes definitely considering marrying her. Bro youre already married. Did you forget

- Temper!Daniel

- ok so hes totally brain washed!

- he felt out of place on earth :(. You know what? The Sarc is bringing out his deep down thoughts and feelings. Things he wouldnt ever tell anyone bc when hes in his right mind, his logic counter acts these thoughts. But his logic is gone so hes just voicing everything he normally wouldn't

- sams memories of jolinar telling her whats what with the sarc! 💪

- its taking his SOUL WHAT THE HELL

- lounging!Daniel "HI JACK!!"

- hes LOST IT FOLKS THATS IT. HES AN EMPTY VESSEL NO THOUGHTS

- kicking his little feet

- of course he wants to marry a woman he met 4 days ago

- "he cant live without me anymore" OH THIS GIRLS A BITCH. SHE DID THIS TO HIM ON PURPOSE. ALRIGHT LADY SQUARE UP SOMEONE HOLD MY BEER

- "we offer the friendship of our world"

".......well thanks"

Jack is having NONE of her shit and I wholeheartedly agree

- awkward kissing!!

- jittery!daniel

- sir that is no way to talk about your wife. So what if shes different when u get her back! So are you! People change! God not having a logic filter in your brain must be exhausting

- concerned!Sam

- ALRIGHT when you start knocking shit over on purpose its time to sit in the corner on time out

- hes having withdrawals. Didnt I already say this man has been thru Enough

- Jack literally jumps on him to hold him down. Did he crush daniels pelvis or what

- Sam is right they need to let him go thru it 😩

- how the hell did he pull fraiser all the way over him lmfao hes not that strong

- oh boy! Crazy!Daniel

- 🚨the archeologist is loose🚨

- "I know what its like" oh???? Jack has dealt with addiction????

- caretaker!jack

- this is heart breaking

- when he just hugs him. Just holds him. The acting from both of them is making me sob

- P3H826 is ready to be sg1s next mission!

- daniels okay!!!! He got thru it ✊😌

- P3R636 is the planet with the Sarc and princess dick face.

- "id like Daniel back on the team" 😤😤😤😤😤😤

- I dont care about you! Stupid bitch! Manipulative ass hat

- Daniel step away from the sarc

- clearly you have no idea what love is if you think its just keeping ppl hostage

- he literally tells her to stop using it and she IMMEDIATELY picks up a staff weapon and blows it to hell like it took zero effort to convince her

- welp! Cry all you want! Youre a dumb bitch and I hope i never see you again lol

- Let Daniel Rest 2k20

Whump under the cut

Daniel jackson whump: threatened, gunpoint, sore, nervous, crushed by rockslide, healed by sarc, addiction, brain washing, jittery, withdrawal, anger outbursts , passing out, hospital scene, red eyes, sweaty, pleading, restrained, losing his mind, crying, breaking down, caretaker Jack.

Jack Oniell whump: kicked, hit with staff, coughing, fight with daniel

Whole team whump: forced kneeling, dirty, tired, weak, forced to mine

No glasses!Daniel for 90% of episode

🎶listening to Happiness Is A Warm Gun from Across The Universe Soundtrack🎶 for daniels struggle with addiction

🎶listening to Gone by Bazzi🎶 for Daniel being so confident that he was fine

#stargate season 2 #whump #jack whump #daniel whump #this had SO MUCH IT WAS SO GOOD #thank you stargate gods #no glasses!daniel

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

Text

June 24th-June 30th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from June 24th, 2019 to June 30th, 2019. The chat focused on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black~! (https://www.drugsandwires.fail/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 30th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Who do you think made the Worm and for what reason? Why does it seem to mostly be affecting Stradania and not other places? Do you think Dan’s implant can ultimately be fixed, or is he stuck forever away from VR?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What aspect of the world’s cyberpunk setting interests you the most and why? Alternatively, what aspect are you hoping to see explored a bit more in regards to how it affects the characters?

RebelVampire

1) Gonna be a bit depressing when I say the bridge scene where Dan almost threw himself off it. Which I'm gonna spoiler tag the rest of this just as a suicide trigger warning precaution. I was 100% right there in the moment with him during that scene. Like I understood why he'd arrived at that conclusion, and it didn't come off as patronizing as I feel a lot of similar suicide scenes often do in comics. This is a man who even I felt really had nothing to live for, as sad as that is to say. Not that I wanted Dan to die, of course, but I get absolutely why he would. And then when he's saved, I liked that he is angry about it. Cause that is a dark reality I feel too many comics shy away from. And just all that gritty realism really hit me in the heart. 2) I don't know who made the worm and I don't think it matters all that much. Rather, I think the reason is more important, and the reason I think is to either kill VR or draw attention to Dan's shitty country. Which I kind of want to believe the latter, that this is somehow politically motivated. Or even if its the former, the idea is to get ppl more politically involved. That being said, I do think it's someone in Stradania who made it. As for Dan's implant being fixed, I don't think so. I don't think he'll be let off the hook that easy, and that he will continue to have to face his awful world for what it is, garbage and all.

3) Dan because he is the delicious epitome of a flawed protagonist. He's not mean, but between his drug problems, his crappy attitude towards most people, and so forth, he's got some real issues to work through. But that's great, cause at least that makes the few steps forward he's taken more satisfying. Since he's not getting those steps easy. He has to basically crawl through metaphorical lava to gain even 2 cm. 4) I really like the world's integration of VR and cybernetics. Like it's not on the level it's just there, but there's businesses around it, slang around it, and so forth. It's presented as this super ingrained culture thing, and that is super hard to play off. And it's just really well-done to see all the ways that those aspects bleed into their lives, whether the invention was intended to do so in that way or not.

Historical Jesus

I'm about to catch up. gimmy some time

RebelVampire

itll be going for the rest of the week, so theres no rush.

snuffysam

1) My favorite scene is the basement wake. It's a cool way to introduce those side characters (especially Vlad), and we were shown how our protagonist is seen through other people's eyes.

Like, we as the readers get to see Dan's struggles first-hand, but seeing the way Dan's "friends" think of him as a mindless junkie is really eye-opening

Re-reading the wake chapter made me think of something regarding question (2). Rebel, you suggested that the worm may have been made to kill VR. Could the reverse be true instead? Vlad has this speech about how the victims of the worm are martyrs, and the rest of the cast groans... but maybe he's not so far off.(edited)

My favorite character is Lin. On the surface, she's a terrible, shady person, but she's got heart where it counts! (in a trunk with a bunch of other organs)

Though I also really like Dan, for the same reasons as Rebel. He starts off in such a terrible place, and watching him take baby steps towards improvement is... honestly, uplifting, even if he does sometimes take some big steps backward.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you think Dan will manage to find Eve again? If so, how might that affect him? Further, what do you think Dan’s past history is in general with his family and others that might play a role in the story?

Historical Jesus

Is the person writing this comic Russian

RebelVampire

cant speak for Io, but while not from Russia, Mary does speak Russian

Historical Jesus

SHe might have had family immigrate from Russia. This story just feels very Russian in the sense that everyone is down on their luck

But yeah. This story is freaking great!

Cryo

Hey, Mary here! I'm a Russian from Latvia, Io's German but I usually consult him on any Russian bits we have in the comic : D thanks so much for reading, loved seeing all the replies so far!

Historical Jesus

It's you

@Cryo Do you have experience with information security or bug hunting?(edited)

I mean, you sound like you REALLY understand hacker culture(edited)

Historical Jesus

ok I finished

1: Favorite scene? Hard to tell honestly. I like them all for different reasons. It's the continuum of the story I appreciate. The fact I'm always wanting to see what happens next? 2: Who made the worm. I've noticed that people who were infected had illegal copies of software. From a cybersecurity perspective, worms only work when either (A) someone finds a vulnurability that has never before been seem or (B) people don't update their shit for whatever reason. Hence why most software schedules mandatory updates. This could just be the inevitable conclusion to using pirated or older software. 3: Favorite character: Dan. I can relate to him the most. I don't do party drugs, just psycodelics.

4: Favorite aspect of cyberpunk. Historical relevance. In our past, rulers were privileged to rule because humans believed they were "ordained by God" to rule. European philosophers then said that the right to rule belongs to those who become the height of natural selection/ The premise being that there is no god and that we are "free agents" with "free will." No one is entitled to anything unless they produce something of value. This made perfect sense when manual labor was relevant and everything had to be done by hand. This includes pen and paper math. Hence why pay is exclusively based on labor value. Enter the age of technology fucked this up. Capitalism today is STUPIDLY efficient. We WHOOPED natural selections ass. We also learned that humans can't simply "change their outlook at will." Humans are mortal and are not much different than machines. The have needs and all that pesky human stuff. Some people could argue that healthier people have more free will than others, but poverty is the inevitable conclusion to this "free will" "labor value" mindset. But people think principles are sacred and set in stone. So what we are seeing is devalued labor and everyone becoming more poor and the formation of corporate oligarchies and dependences. Cyberpunk was WAY ahead of it's time in seeing this. We need to revisit this genre because I sure as shit don't want to live under a global illuminati with hard line cultural segregation.(edited)

Cryo

No, no real hacking experience here, I'm a 3d modeller by trade. We do our research when we can but our readers are a lot more technically minded than we are :p

Historical Jesus

I love 3D modeling

Attila Polyák

I'll be totally honest your work didn't really catch me at first, but I kept reading. Aaaaand dang that was a good decision. This is genuinely well made. I'm only at the end of chapter 4 but that bridge scene was great. I'm pretty sure it'll be my favourite scene but I need to read the rest first.

Historical Jesus

I have one of two options in life. Make high detailed models to sell on Gumroad or make comics. Gumroad will require constant adaptation to new software, but I already have my comic story structure fgiured out

Cryo

@Attila Polyák thanks for giving us a chance! Hope you enjoy the rest ( though chapter 5 is a lot less dramatic in comparison!)

Historical Jesus

Do you have a resolution in mind or are you just making it as you go?

Cryo

Yeah, we know where we're taking the story, but how it gets there can vary. Lots of the scenes we wrote years ago have to be tweaked or redone entirely to work

Historical Jesus

If the "free will" capitalist have their way, then we can expect the future to look very similar. Lots of poor people using lots of old tech. All software and hardware is closed sourced and locked down.The division between rich and poor will be larger than ever. Many of the zero days will be state sponsored much like they are now and they can use this to legally infect people and categorize them and use their own information against them if they ever become a threat to the state or the rich tech oligarchy

When I read this I got sense of creepy forcasting

More kids are playing with the Linux Kernal than smoking cigarettes so we might be ok

Historical Jesus

5: Favorite illustration? Anything that involved gif animations. That's not to say it should be overused but it was used at the right time

6a: Will Dan find Eve again? Probably. Since Cryo has a conceptual end in mind, I imagine she serves a key purpose in the plot. If they don't then it's likely that their actions will effect each other in some way.(edited)

6b: What is Dan's history with his parents? Let's look at who Dan is now. He's a poor drug addict who has had a dead end job. Yet he is not an overly angry person. Just depressed. He hangs around computer poetry people and other drug people. As a person who has experience with drugs, I noticed three types of people who do the dangerous drugs. At least in the US. They are... -People who have had repressive or needlessly strict parents. Thus overdoing drugs becomes associated with freedom and eventually a point of rebellion. But you can do too many of them. -People who are poor and need to sell them because they are poor. Naturally many of them do the drugs themselves so they naturally become addicted. -People who's parents are drug users themselves. The people who teach are schools will tell you it's that "people are trying to be cool" and it has nothing to do with that. Truth be told, they are hiding something. There is also a lot of dark racial history behind enhancing substances and the law and that can influence people's decision to take them, but I don't want to get into that because I don't want to get booted from this server.(edited)

Historical Jesus

Actually, @Cryo, would you be willing to give us a brief personal biography? Also, if you are, then can you tell us about your parents, what they did for a living, and the income situation you had growing up.(edited)

Why am I asking this? I think we can come up with more interesting answers about the comic if we know YOU as a person and how that influences your writing. I was able to infer that this story sounded Russian as fuck. Since the setting was Russian, I figured you were either from there or had family there

We can give more interesting answers that can help you come up with more interesting writing

RebelVampire

@Historical Jesus Your questions are getting a little personal, and while I understand the logic behind them, keep in mind we're here to discuss the comic and not the creators' personal lives.

keii4ii

Yeah... I feel even if the creators are okay with discussing it, this stuff is best left to DM

Historical Jesus

I understand. I would like to give her the choice. If she chooses not to then I understand. Biologically speaking, I think art is meant to be personal.

keii4ii

(and of course, if they don't want to discuss it, no one should pressure them about it )

RebelVampire

yeah if @Cryo wants to answer that's fine. Just for the future please keep those sorts of questions to a minimum and watch the wording on them. Cause that statement did sound overly pressure filled.

Historical Jesus

of course

keii4ii

I don't think we should be getting further into this territory?

RebelVampire

Agreed. This isn't a really appropriate topic for #week_long_bookclub, @Historical Jesus and has little to do with the comic.

Historical Jesus

I understand. I'm trying to demonstrate the the relevance and the benefits of understanding the author as a person. And again, it's her choice to choose what she discloses.

RebelVampire

And again, I get the logic. But just not appropriate for this discussion.

Historical Jesus

fair enough. I just want it to be known

I rephrased the question so it's less assertive. I apologies, I suck with social skills. Hopefully by the time she reads it, then it will be more inviting for her.

RebelVampire

thats better wording for sure, thank you.

Historical Jesus

no problem

art was definitely designed to be personal. The reason why a lot of big budget art feels bland is because it's meant for everyone and they have to not get too deep into offending people. Because it has to make money. That requires the work of a true genius. D&W is specialized and it will attract a certain group of people. Mostly people who value anonymous culture like myself. Or so I imagine.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Will Lin actually go through with her plan to get into politics? If so, do you believe she can actually make a difference? What obstacles do you think she might run into, and do you think Dan will be of any help to her?

Cryo

(i would appreciate not having to talk about my life and anyones political beliefs neither here nor in DMs, thanks for understanding)(edited)

Historical Jesus

Understood

Historical Jesus

7: Dan, primarily because he is relatable. He would interact the way I would. Not having money sucks.

Historical Jesus

8: Will in go into politics? Probably not. She strikes me as a neroatypycal character. I could be wrong though.

RebelVampire

@snuffysam If the worm was designed to improve VR, I really want to meet the person who decided that making ppl martyrs was the way to go. Cause that's some backwards thinking, imo at least XD

5) There's a lot of really great ones, but I'm kind of fond of the illustration of Dan puking up rainbows. It's this cool mix of gross, psychedelic, and not what I expected. It expressed a lot of mood somehow for something that's less grand than I usually pick. 6) I think Dan will find Eve again, if only cause from a technical perspective she was introduced super early on to not be important. However, I think meeting her again is just gonna make him feel bad about himself as he realizes how little his baby steps of improvement are. In regards to his family, just gonna be bold and say my theory: his dad is part of that political group that took control and really hates cyborgs and technology and all that. Thus they were probably not the most open-minded and rejected Dan in multiple ways both through emotional abuse and neglect.

7) I like seeing Dan and Troy right now. Everyone else in the comic is kind of...shitty towards Dan. Like i know Dan isn't the greatest person, but I would hate to be in the situation where I'm constantly being told I'm a junkie who won't amount to anything. Which I mean don't get me wrong, those are interesting interactions. But Troy? Troy is this new person whose only experience with Dan is kind of a nice if not high tension one. Troy comes with a fresh, no prior knowledge of Dan perspective, and I think that's really interesting and gonna be a good way to shed new light on Dan's more positive traits. 8) I think Lin will try to go through with it, but I think Lin is fighting a losing game. Short of stuffing the ballot, I don't think those she's trying to help will vote for her. Instead they'll just bitch and be complacent to the world around them. But on that same vain, Lin probably could just stuff the ballots to win. I umm...honeslty don't think Dan can help her in anyway. Dan is really busy helping himself to suck less at the moment. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Sandman and Fixer will find in regards to the Worm as the story continues, and what does the VR cafe Sandman has been hacking have to do with anything? How will Nate tie into this given he’s looking for Fixer?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Overall, what role do you think Troy will have within the story? Additionally, how will she get out of her situation with having no ID, money, or much in the way of people she knows?

Historical Jesus

9: The art against the web design literally looks like something we would see at Def Con

10: I image he has a lead. After all his motivation is revenge

11: it’s strength is that it's good at making people empathize with characters even if you can't relate to them

12: I don't think Troy will get out of her situation. If she comes back to the states empty handed she will be fired. It might be in her best interest to get wrapped up in finding the worm programmer

Typically speaking large scale worms are state sponsored but it's not clear how far this thing actually spreads.

RebelVampire

9) My favorite details so far have been the small things in the background. Like the random graffiti on the walls, the cracks and dilapidation of the buildings, all the small do-dads in Lin's place. Like none of that needs to be there to create a complete background, but it adds so much character to the setting and each character. So I really appreciate the extra mile taken for that. 10) I think Sandman and Fixer are gonna find that some corporation or someone high up on some food chain made it on purpose. As for the VR cafe? Honestly, I think it's a red herring and Sandman is making an excuse to target them just cause he hates them. As for Nate, I think Nate is gonna join the investigation team but also kind of serve as a negotiator between Fixer and Dan. Cause I don't think those two will get along without help.

11) I think this comic's strengths are a) the setting both visually and story wise, as it's a really strong and vivid setting. then b) Dan. It is very, very hard to write a character like Dan. There are so many things he does that could immediately make him unlikeable, what between the drugs, self destruction, and general assholeness to some of the ppl around him. but yet he is likeable. you do want to see him succeed and not suffer. yet you also still can acknowledge hes unreliable. its a great dynamic that lesser writing could not pull off. 12) I think Troy is gonna be their viewport into the corporate world. Which I think will play a role since there is a themeing here about evil corporations. Plus, she at least knows some stuff better than they do, as she already showed off at the VR cafe. But getting out of it? Nope. Shes stuck and probably gonna make another panicked call to Dan at some point. And Dan will be an angel and help again.

snuffysam

I'm going to go out on a limb here. Not only will Lin go through with running for office, she'll win. And she won't even have to stuff the ballot that much. But... I'm not sure her fight will be over there. After all, there's more than just one corrupt person in the country. I agree with you on the investigation into the Worm, @RebelVampire . I think someone up the corporate ladder is responsible. With that said, I don't think Sandman is targeting the VR cafe for nothing. I think he's trying to draw more attention to their security flaws for... some reason. I guess to get more people involved in investigating? I doubt he foresaw Troy showing up and offering to upgrade the cafe's machines though, so I that probably isn't part of his plan. I think a major part of Dan's character arc going forward will be accepting that he doesn't need Eve. Like, accepting that he doesn't need her help to get better, and that he's the only one he needs to prove his progress to.

Dan's character writing is absolutely my favorite part of this comic. In a weaker comic, I would absolutely hate how a self-destructive character like Dan is portrayed. Like, often characters with addiction/other mental health problems in fiction come off as unlikeable, or too cartoonish, or too depressingly stagnant (at least, from what I've seen in other works of fiction). But Drugs & Wires strikes a great balance where character progression isn't always linear, and isn't always positive, but it's there, and that fluidity makes you want to root for him more each chapter.

Attila Polyák

Now that I finally read all of it... 1, The bridge scene at the end of chapter 4, that was really done. 2, Dan's implant... I'm pretty sure it can be fixed, but I have doubts if Dan will ever have the resources to have it fixed. As a matter of fact I feel like he'll never have the money or influence to have it fixed and the way it is he can't really replace it either, so... He's probably stuck without VR. 3, Lin! She's awesome! 4, Probably the grey market implant dealers, even though that's kinda bog standard cyberpunk stuff. :) 6, Yes, they will probably meet again. And yes, I do feel like we'll need to see more of Dan't past history especially about how he got involved in... well in everything that's his current life. 7, Nagy, as surreally odd, is a great addition to Dan. Like at times I thought his absurdity would actually help Dan. 8, Ofc she will, you don't forge that much "voter trust" for nothing. And Dan, tho probably seemingly unwillingly, will likely help her one way or another.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think Dan will ever be able to kick his drug habit, or will he continue to fall back into it forever? How will this affect his relationships? Further, how will his habits shape his future role in the story?

RebelVampire

13) I'm looking forward to getting more info about the worm. Cause right now I dont feel any more knowledgeable than I did at the start, and I'm itching to see Sandman, Fixer, or Dan to somehow get a bigger clue to what's going on. 14) I think both will apply. In that Dan will kick the habit eventually but will always be at risk because addiction is not really something you just completely cure. It's a battle he'll have for his entire life, even if he learns to manage it. As for for his relationships, I don't think it'll have much affect, tbh. Maybe things with Lin will improve, maybe Eve. But everyone else is kind of a jerk who already writes him off. Dan is in need of a fresh start somewhere far away.

Historical Jesus

13: Same here. I would like to know more about the worm. I hope that Cyro puts a cool technical characteristic into the worms behavior so that creates interesting and unique challenges for the characters 14: Statistically speaking most people do not kick their drug habit's. Especially not in the position he is in. Based on the story's cultural nature, I doubt the ending will be happy. But I am sure it will be interesting

Cryo

Thanks so much for picking and reading our comic this week! I've had a great time reading all the replies, especially since we don't hear from new readers often, and it's gonna come in handy when we get back into writing more stuff for the comic.

snuffysam

I had a great time reading it, Cryo!

Io.Black

Just wanted to add my own thanks to everybody who took the time to read and comment this past week. As a writer, it’s always incredibly valuable to get a sense of what people are taking away from your work, as well as where they think it’s headed.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Drugs & Wires this week! Please also give a special thank you to Mary Safro & Io Black for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Drugs & Wires, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.drugsandwires.fail/

Drugs & Wires’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/drugsandwires

Drugs & Wires’ Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/Cryodraws

Drugs & Wires’ Merch: https://www.hellovoid.online/

Safro’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/marysafroart

Io Black’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/b_iologic

#ctparchive #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comics #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #drugs and wires #drugs & wires #mary safro #io black

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papers4me · 4 years ago

Text

Fruits Basket SE02 (ep,9). part 2

In light of discovering that kyo knew kyoko when he was still a child, I went back & watched most kyo appearances since season 1. but not before analyzing the sequence of kyo’s flashback in ep.7 showing him & kyoko.

Kyo’s happiest yet bittersweet flashback:

(usually kyo remembers sad memories: his mom’s scared of him, her suicide, his dad’s awful words, Akito’s verbal abuse & a dying kyoko. The flashback he has as he runs towards tohru is filled with happy moments with kyoko which is so bittersweet knowing kyoko’s death)

Kyoko with long hair meeting young kyo. She doesn’t call him by his name. is this after his mom’s suicide? Did kyo tell her abt his mom? the curse?

She is befriending & patting his head like Kazuma. Does Kazuma know her? Does he know abt their friendship? her accident? Does Kazuma know who tohru is?!!.

kyoko is shown with different hair styles & clothes. How long did she knew kyo?

She showed him tohru’s picture. he went & saw young tohru alone at her home. kyo knows tohru’s old house with kyoko!!!

They pumped fists together, making a promise. she said “a man’s promise”. but kyo said he didn’t keep it. What promise? Is there’s more heart-ache that is yet to be shown??? more secrets with kyo?? more pain??

Kyoko confessed that she caused tohru’s sadness!!!! this is chilling. what could she have done? is that why tohru is traumatized? is there more to tohru’s trauma than grief? I looked at tohru’s flashback in ep.6. does this have to do with her dad? Her mom locked her? left her?

If Kyoko is friends with kyo then why tohru didn’t meet him before? Kyo looked like he didn’t know her in SE01,Ep01.

Another forgotten flashback from season 1:

SE01, ep.10 (valentine ep). Kyo had a quick flashback that was vague on purpose. Is this kyoko. It looked like an accident, but why can’t kyoko forgive kyo? does she think kyo pushed her or sth? Kyoko looks like she liked kyo..why would she accuse him! T_T. Kyo was so shaken remembering the accident to the extent of running away & hugging himself to keep himself together. Chanting “I don’t want to see yet“. He was so fallen apart that tohru just sat down next to him & told him its okay to still hate yuki if its how he feels. The entire flashback was triggered by shigure asking why kyo hates yuki like its his duty. I can see that both kyo & yuki have met young tohru. But yuki’s story was abt his hat where it looks like he never talked with kyoko seeing how he’s acting at her grave in SE01,Ep14. Whereas kyo’s story is with kyoko, maybe he never talked to tohru, from what i’ve seen so far at least. but the thing with kyo is the layers of secrets unfolding..& the layers of trauma..

The Layers of Trauma & the Suicidal Depression:

the layers of the trauma leading kyo to escalated self-hate. “Why am I still alive?”. From SE01, ep10 & the true form ep, we know that kyo shifted the blame on yuki as a faulty coping mechanism to be able to live with himself despite all the hate/blame/guilt directed towards him from his family & himself..The thing is, kyo no longer hates yuki. Still envies him & thinks he’s favored & better, yes, that’s what he sees as he doesn’t know abt yuki’s trauma with Akito, at all. But Hating yuki blindly for what happened to him before & using him as a scapegoat is no longer happening. Now kyo is forced to “see” what he was refusing to see. Thanks to tohru, these two boys existed together long enough to learn to live peacefully most of the time, minus the usual verbal banter. If Kyo can’t hate yuki anymore..& can’t blame yuki anymore...He’ll hate the one who was said to be the cause of all the pain..” it was me”. His mom, dad, kyoko & Akito & all the sohma gossipers in his mom’s funeral has told him before. “it’s your fault”.. Kyo will become more depressed. He once contemplated suicide in the true form ep, but now..he’ll receive his punishment for existing, like all the cat monsters before him. Another form of suicide: accepting “life-long confinement”. but this depression is coupled with hope of love & desire to LIVE the present moment with tohru. How will kyo’s behavior change now after this ep? How will hope & despair affect his mentality & interaction with her. Can’t wait to see!!!

Kyo’s interaction with tohru since ep.1:

Man~ that’s the most epic yet hard part of the story. my head hurts trying to get into kyo’s head. Him not wanting to add to his guilt by listening to her mom’s memories & him actually encouraging her to tell more stories only cuz it makes her happy.... We will hear his thoughts again, right? we will see things from his perspective, right? will I cry? will it hurt? will he break down? what will tohru say/do!! Damn! That’s why he said “sorry” in SE01, ep.14. It breaks his heart seeing tohru attached to her mom. it killed him getting to know this amazing girl who deserves the moon but will not ask for it & he holds himself responsible for her pain! watching his face thro out season 1 is never the same again.. the layers!! & now...he loves her like he never loved anyone... he fell in love with her despite his every effort to distance himself from her...oh boy~ I LOVE it!

side notes:

This is the show’s best direction, yet. No flashy camera work, no deliberate tear tearjerker music. Only excellent voice acting & focus on facial expressions. This is the best example of show-not-tell in furuba, yet.

The usage of black/white/red for blood in depicting dying kyoko is forever chilling & tragic. That’s how kyo sees it. The way his eyes widened.ugh!

Kazuma’s “kyo, wait” is so well-directed!! kicking off kyo’s shift in mind & thoughts towards hope.

The facial expressions are at their best in this ep!! kyo’s face was so expressive. his heart-broken face looking for tohru at the villa. His sad face when she was happy he was finally invited. & all his facial expressions while in the room with Akito. His face alone talked!!! so satisfied & pleased!

This is kyo’s second time running to catch up with someone he loves & cherishes. Season 1 finale he ran towards Kazuma, to express his gratitude & to open up his heart. He did the same now with tohru. But both cases he’s still held back by sth. with kazuma, kyo still calls him master/shishou despite kazuma saying son implying kyo’s issues are still holding him back. Now with tohru, he still hadn’t confessed to her cuz kyoko/guilt is holding him back!! OMG! his entire trauma is looming over his head in the shape of whispers.

Kyo running towards a loved one is such a happy treat! I cheered for him running towards kazuma & I cheered for tohru! I was like, Run toward love kyo!! You tell’ em boy! Go & get’ em!! go & catch up with your ppl! You might not have many! but the ones you have are the best!

I’m still not over how romantic his opening lines are! make it a song, furuba! PLZ!

Tohru’s gullible belief that kyo is summoned to join the banquet as a sign of acceptance is tragic & all the more painful when its time for her to see the sohma system as it truly is. destructive & harmful.

Not once did tohru think of her mom all the time she was waiting for kyo. Shocking! This is new! This is big! there’s a shift in tohru that could either be liberating or crushing.

Akito leaving the water tap open is a SIN! Only psychopaths waste water!!! that’s the most expensive & valuable natural resource we have! Don’t ever waste water, kids!

Tohru being the source of kyo’s hope & despair is the most amazing revelation! So interesting & a refreshing take on normal love story! He wouldn’t have given up on fighting if it wasn’t for her safety & happiness.

#Fruits Basket #kyo sohma #Tohru Honda #Anime Only #kyoko honda #sad paper #BEST FURUBA EP!!

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some-thrilling-heroics · 7 years ago

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So! me and @enkelimagnus had a nice long chat (seriously loving those~! *hugs* ) about malec and their relationship and how Magnus surely must have some triggers

TRIGGER WARNING for brief mention of Magnus’ mother’s suicide, his past abusive relationships, both romantic and not, talk of triggers and internalized victim blaming

~we are evil, what can you do *shrugs*

There’s anxiety and angst and crying and possible abandonment issues, but the major point is just supportive Alec and what I think we all hope and pray for when we think about telling ppl abt all the bad shit

I bet there were times when Alec does something.... ordinary, nice and kinda stereotypically romantic maybe? and while Magnus appreciates the intention it reminds him of BAD SHIT

I bet he has triggers from all those abusive relationships, not just romantic ones either but he wouldn't just come out and tell Alec bc /one/ that's a lot and heavy and he wouldn't want to burden Alec with all that and also /two/ he's a bit scared that Alec will bolt eventually when he figures he's damaged goods

so he just swallows the wince and smiles and pushes tru, tries to pretend that the roses Alec gives him are just a lovely gesture and they do not remind him of Camille

his inner monologue like "they are just flowers, he's trying to be nice, he's not going to hurt you"

or how that particular meal was his mother's fav and oh ya, she killed herself

or a specific smell that reminds him of living in the streets with stray cats as a child and he has to struggle not to puke

and after bad nights or bad days he's just extra sensitive to all the little things

the runes he sees at the corner of his eyes, that send shivers down his spine of "run Magnus, they found you!"

like, it's not when Alec is there and he can see this is his Alexander, It's when it's in the corner of his eye, or a quick glimpse in the mirror

or when he wakes up in the middle of the night and still half asleep and there's an arm with a dark rune on it, he freezes for a moment and then berates himself

but Alec is noticing

one night Magnus comes home to these delicious smells - Alec is cooking or maybe better re-heating take-out bc he can't cook, we established that lol

and it's so nice and he smiles, he is walking towards the kitchen to greet Alec when there's a sound

crashing plates and cursing

Alec broke something and Magnus is just frozen in place, hyperventilating bc he /knows/ how these things play out

because he /knows/ it's going to be his fault, somehow

that he's either going to be blamed or Alec is going to take it out on him

or he did something earlier and didn't realize

so he's standing there in place, trying not to male a noise

and then Alec notices him in the middle of his cursing and that's when he asks what is all of this flinching and the weird looks he’s been seeing

Alec is concerned but to Magnus it just sounds like a string of accusations

great, so Alec has been paying attention and been noticing his slip ups and now he's mad and omg omg he can't breathe

Alec comes close to him and is freaked out and he's trying so hard not to move away from Alec when he's coming close, because he just wants to get away but what if it makes him worse, he doesn't want to flinch away from Alec and hurt his feelings and make him suspicious

Magnus is also hating himself for not being good enough at swallowing it all, so he's just apologizing - he's not really sure for what exactly but better safe and apologize for everything

which just confuses Alec so much more as he leads Magnus slowly to the couch or the chair or just somewhere to sit bc Magnus looks ready to collapse

and one day, Magnus manages to tell him

it takes a lot from him

he asks Alec to sit down bc he has some things to confess

and he's so afraid

because Alec could hurt him so badly right there

he starts with a list of disclaimers how all he is about to say is not a reflection on Alec, please, just to put Alec at ease when he himself is petrified and ashamed bc as much as he is against blaming the victim he still has shame, obviously he /should/ be able to be better than this

Alec is watching him with those big soulful eyes

he told Alec it was in the past, it should be in the past and here he is abt to bring up all those exes - what is Alec gonna think?

nothing good about him, because he promised it was gone now, that he didn't think about them, and also, he's so weak

he lied basically

and lying is /bad/, it's one of the Bad Things

so he starts rambling, not sure how to explain

rambling abour how he loves him and how he’s old and stupid

Alec disagrees but he's not really listening to that, he’s too busy /remembering/ and meanwhile Alec is also remembering those ittle things he noticed Magnus flinching at

maybe he starts with ppl that are long dead? like this guy in 1920s that had big hands and black hair

or about those shadowhunters that hunted him for sport and how he remembers their runes for deflect or for agility

and then he talks abt Camille, one of his longest relationships still, he realizes that FUCK

those ppl are dead, but Camille is still presumably somewhere around and kicking - Alec is gonna be so suspicious

so Magnus swears up and down he no longer has those feelings for her, and he'd do anything - how about a charm that will tell Alec his exact location? or a truth spell? he can do that, just so Alec will believe him

and Alec is like “what? No, I trust you”

and Magnus ends up telling him all the things

and Alec listens

and every now and then tears start back again, bc one - the memories and two - Alec is looking at him with such utter love and patience he can't take it

like “how can he love me like this. It’s not possible”

Alec keeps holding his hand, asking what is ok to do and throwing random ideas and if those things would be good for Magnus

which is another surprise for Magnus bc he didn't really think that far ahead?

he just told Alec abt those red roses and now Alec is asking him if lilies would be better as if he intends to give him flowers in the future???

Magnus is like ???

"you want... to give me *sniffles* lilies?"

"yeah? bad idea?"

"why would you want to?"

“hmm because I love buying you flowers?”

and after Magnus seems like he told most of it, Alec is like, planning mode, even a little bit smiling and excited and he tells Magnus that it's all gonna be fine, they will work out their own little things

and Magnus is just having a moment, his lip is trembling, taking it all in

how Alec isn't blaming him, doesn't sound angry or hurt but how he's talking abt work-arounds and solutions

Alec suddenly asks if he wants to be hugged or not so Magnus agrees and collapses into Alec and by then dawn is coming

Alec kisses his forehead and says they should sleep, he'll take a day off, maybe come by the Institute later in the evening and stops Magnus when he starts apologiziing for taking all night with this

Magnus snuggles against him in bed, he's completely spent and exhausted

Alec just holds him and he falls asleep, with Alec whispering how he's not going anywhere and how he loves him and how it's all ok

They take it one day at a time

Alec starts making noise when he comes into a room so Magnus doesnt freak out when he appears suddenly

if you liked this, send some love to @enkelimagnus she has the greatest ideas :3

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #sh meta #sh fic #my meta #behold I wrote a thing #whump #crying

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p-selah · 3 years ago

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I Understand

Suicide is such a harsh feeling and sounding word. I've never actually said it in my thoughts of it. I've just said I'm tired, I'm done, what would it be to not feel any of this anymore.

It's been a thought so many times I could never count. Since elementary school. I remember the first time it entered into my mind as an option. Sitting on the pool bleachers at camp bawling to a counselor named April. She'll never know the effect she had on my life that day.

However, no ones know the depths to which I feel sadness, feel incomplete, that whatever it is I'm not enough. My ex recently told me that they just weren't as self aware as I was. That was part of their reason for not being able to be present in our relationship like I wanted. It's still hard to realize what someone you love wants/needs is not being with you...even if they say they love you. I wonder if he knew the storm and fury under all I present if that would have made him feel better about all of his struggles...or would I still be at this same place.

He felt alone and misunderstood no matter how much I was there for him. He always told me I just didn't get it. The truth is...I understood him far more than he knew...I just didn't know how to express that. I could tell he felt like my "I understand" was a sophism meant to make him feel better as opposed to the truth..a confession...maybe even a cry for help. I stopped saying it because I could feel his frustration in thinking there's no way I could understand. We handled our depression differently though. He was only able to see the present and what I presented. I was only able to see what he could do and what we could be. I've missed him for so long.

I think a part of me felt a closeness to him in his journey because he was able to experience the things I only think about. I want to cry, I want to not go to work, I want to have emotionless sex and feel only my pleasure, I want to focus on my emotions and let them consume me, I want to not give a fuck and hope that the experience washes over me so I can come out the other side better.

I saw him and think that now I may have had some envy. He got to experience his emotions, he had the envious eyes of thousands of people, he had the unwavering support of an overly committed bf...the grass is always greener right? Even in depression...someone else's experience seems more fitting than your own. I tried to be present when I myself was missing. Maybe that is really the issue. How can I be there for him when I wasn't there for myself.

What I felt...what I feel...is that I have these emotions and thoughts but they're taken away before I really experience it and locked away because my job, my family, the people I love and support don't benefit from me experiencing or expressing them. Sometimes it overflows but the box gets no bigger. I just find new ways to tuck it away. But emotions are fluid...there's only so much compression possible.

I feel alone even when I'm not. I feel lost even at the top. I hide my sadness in success and meeting expectations because disappointing ppl is almost like exposing myself. To have other people's opinion match the one I have of myself...that may be the tipping point. It's seeing you happy and satisfied with me that fights against my own unsatisfaction with myself. It's the counterweight that keeps me from falling over the ledge but lately...I've been getting heavier or maybe the weights have gotten lighter, either way I'm teetering on the edge.

I feel bad because I lay here grateful for so many things and still something isn't right. Like I'm stuck in a continuous first fall of a Rollercoaster. Alone.

~P.Selah

Moments After Suicide

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housebearshouseparty420 · 6 years ago

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Just a convo with a friend the other night where I flesh out why I want third time to be a charm.

Do you think i'm pregnant for real? Its just, if i am right now and it all works, my mom would 100000000% have her faith restored honestly, with me, i'm like, oh another disappointment, guess i should be used to it and yet... My mom would be like A CHILD? BORN! IN JANUARY?! GOD IS REAL! IT IS LIKE MY MOTHER AND YOUR NAMESAKE NEVER DIED! IT IS A SIGN! And uh me being born a girl was her old sign :-/

And it would be nice to give her a different sign...like the two signs do not need to negate each other for you to believe that things are not just senseless and random I know I said, but my mother really and truly believes that the only reason in the whole world for her mother to die decades before her time was if the baby was a girl and like 2 months later I was there and a girl and I am a real and true miracle to her My brother is like a wonderful beautiful perk of the universe letting her have two nice things but I am the better thing in this one instance. Knowing a first grandchild was coming got my grandfather to keep from committing suicide like his brother. There is a lot of pressure on unborn or yet born children to fix things for people. That’s not what I’m doing here. I just want a baby to love? Even now I try not to think of my future child in binary terms of a son or a daughter, I imagine a warm genderless blob, I’m not asking to know the sex, I’m not having a gender reveal party, I’m ‘team green’ if you will. But people knew my maternal grandmother was going to die and placed all of this hope on me... Like don’t wallow don’t mourn a baby is coming, don’t drink yourself to death, don’t look for the whys of death because there’s why of life right in front of you, never has there been such balance nor has justice been so poetic. To lose a woman and gain a woman. It is how my mother wraps her head around a trauma to make sense of the universe. She is still badly hurt. She talks about her mother who I never met whenever we talk, but her father who died about 8 years ago now, and I have very clear memories of, she never brings up in the same way. My mother says I am my grandmother’s soul, she says I am her own soul, she says my femaleness will guarantee her longevity in the scheme of things because of our cosmic uterus connection? My brother has never gotten a conversation like this. I have asked him. I have asked her. I was told as family politics go, that a first grandchild is a good social position, a first grandson that does not continue on his maternal grandfather’s name is a waste of a good boy. I got to hear and absorb all of the toxic masculinity and never had it be about me. Regardless, everyone loves him. HE DOES BETTER ON PAPER like, he owns 4 vehicles and went to business school and owned his own failed company and likes sports and has no tattoos and ppl really like the straight white dude aesthetic he gives off which is: good ol' boy likes sports and beer and don't mean nothin' by his subtle rightwing jabs all day WHICH WORKS FOR HIM AND IF I COULD HAVE FEWER CHALLENGES I WOULD FUCKING TAKE IT like imagine god came down right now, like, Kenny, we can hit redo and you'd be born a boy BUT you'd never learn the femmey empathy bullshit and would probably be a big wanking racist who coasted by life without ever knowing challenge and would ultimately be of weaker character me: HIT RESET MOTHERFUCKER! Like if i ended up just happening to still be a nice person that's great, but i should not have to exist as "well things sucked and you didn't turn into a Gotham villain so you know, that's worth more than a penis when you think about it” No it isn't? not to me-- but this is my lot in life and how I feel like I can set things right somehow, since living my life is such a blow to everyone around me. Point is: if my mom will believe me being male will UNDO her mother's passing into the next world being one of ease and proof of divine intervention, then surely, the baby being born the same month, when there are so many months would provide some comfort. I am happy to have a baby of any month, but I would like that baby soon because I am running out of time/money/spoons and have been on the verge of a meltdown (about this) for 2 years now... I articulated this VERY carefully to a gender therapist and to a regular therapist about how my brother could transition and it would be weird a little weird since there has never been any indication that he is not feeling at home in his body because he’s such a man’s man BUT there is not the same unraveling of destiny at play? I want her to know that while I respect her belief that where my life started was significant, where my journey takes me should be the focus from here on out. What I tend to believe is that, people can use whatever coping mechanisms and structure that gets them through, it doesn’t matter if it’s weird, it doesn’t matter if you agree, if it is not hurting anyone-- and had I continued on afab and continued identifying as a woman, this would line up perfectly and no one would question if it was really all that weird, since it would just be a mother trying to keep her own mother’s memory alive through her children. People name their kids after relatives all the time. People say you have your nana’s eyes all the time. That’s not that weird. However, a straight cis male gender therapist who’s empathy was severely lacking, since he purposely deadnamed me as a trick to see if I would fight for my gender in an appointment, I was uncomfortable but because I didn’t raise my voice in a psychiatric wing, I didn’t want it enough, when really I wanted it enough that I would passively take abuse so that I could have my T letter. He was like, ‘sounds like your mom is just nuts’ and she is otherwise a very giving, loving, generous, understanding person except the best and worst year of her life was the same year. In any other situation in the entire world I would not for a second question her love for me. Dad loves me but I always fear does not know me or anything about me. I was not an easy child. I cannot explain my nervousness any clearer. I am very anxious because I have decided to come out as trans and announce my pregnancy on the same day so that there can be no misunderstanding about who and what I am from this point onward.

#also my mom thinks its cool lesbian bonding to trash talk men - and i'm like the patriarchy yes - but being like A PENIS IS A GET OUT OF #JAIL FREE CARD AMIRITE LADIES? because uh I would have an easier life not because I think men are worth more than women but because I would #never need to consider finding $10k for a flat chest and probably never need $6k for sperm #mom thinks I hate men? it's like I'm bi and a guy-- I just don't like the terrible things that some men do?

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juansno · 7 years ago

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Some gay shit

The first bit is Andy helping to dye Gary’s hair for the first time, they’re like 15 and giant fags

The last is after the epilogue where they find each other again and Andy washes the charcoal out of Gary’s hair and fluff ensues. I hope ppl have as giant a heart attack reading it as my bud Ellie did

(Trigger warning: mentions of attempted suicide and self harm)

|•|•|•|•|•|•|

“Christ, Gary, if the black doesn’t wash off my hands when we’re done I’ll fucking hurt you.”

it was a rather typical day in Gary’s tiny, cluttered bedroom. The not-for-long-blond boy sat in a spinning chair in front of his makeshift desk (a table with a partially cracked mirror propped up against the wall) while Andy pushed his glasses back up his nose with his wrist to avoid staining his face with dye. They hadn’t thought to buy gloves before doing this.

“It should be fine” the tall boy said with a dismissive wave of his hand. Andy scoffed and resumed running his fingers through Gary’s hair and trying not to stain his skin too much.

“I really doubt it’s actually gonna suit you, if I’m honest,” Andy said while he absently played with the curls of his boyfriend’s unkempt fringe, “you’re gonna look even paler than usual, and you already look like you’ve been locked in a room with steve while he talks about girls”.

Gary couldn’t help but giggle at that, he wasn’t completely wrong. Steve was fucking unbearable.

“I think it’ll look fucking cool, I’m really gonna look like eldritch now” said Gary, grinning at his reflection; Andy had noticed Gary really wanted to look like the lead of the sisters. What did he expect, though, really?

Comfortable silence fell as Andy played with Gary’s hair, the taller boy sighing, content. He tried his best not to lean on the back of the chair and just sleep. Andy seemed to have a unique talent of relaxing his boyfriend by playing with his blond (now ebony) curls. Andy found comfort in it too, and closed his eyes, enjoying the brief moment where Gary was quiet and peaceful. He didn’t get many moments like this.

The whole process of putting in the dye seemed to be done and Gary looked at his reflection. now they just had to wait. Waiting was not something Gary was good with.

“Stay still, you fucker! You’re gonna mess up my painstaking work!” Andy shouted, partly joking partly worried he’ll do something stupid. the shorter boy began to back away as Gary stood up with the bottle of charcoal dye in his stained, scabbed hand.

When it was time to wash the dye out, Andy also had to hold his head under the shower head to get rid of the black streaks in his own hair and handprints on his face. Gary would always be a little shit, it seemed.

“Stay fucking still! Gary, get back here!”

Gary tore through the run-down house, giggling and looking back over his shoulder to see an exasperated Andrew Knightley running right behind him.

Eventually, Andy caught Gary’s collar and yanked him back, dragging him towards the bathroom.

“I’m not ready to lose it! Andy, let me hold on to it a bit longer? Please?”

“Your hair is actually disgusting, Gary, what the fuck were you thinking putting actual charcoal in it? What do you think this is?”

Andy had managed to wriggle Gary out of his old, dirty clothes and dunked him in the bath. The skinny man jumped right back up, swearing.

“That’s so fucking cold! Jesus Christ, fuck, it’s so cold”

“We don’t exactly have heating, Gary, this is the fucking apocalypse.”

Andy had one hand firmly on Gary’s chest and that was all that was needed to keep him in place, being a lot stronger than his boyfriend was. With his other hand, he picked up an old bar of soap he managed to steal on a supply run while Gary wasn’t looking, and had held up in front of Gary, raising an eyebrow, which was what caused the man to run off.

He ran the soap under the water and, releasing Gary from his grip and trusting him to stay in place, started working on taking the colour out of Gary’s hair.

It took a lot of scrubbing, and there was a lot of whining and protesting from the smaller man, but eventually Gary’s hair was back to the dirty blond it hadn’t seen in decades.

Wearily, Andy pulled Gary by the hand out of the bath. Now came the part he always dreaded. He now had to apply clean bandages to Gary’s wrists.

The rehab centre had not bothered to really ensure Gary’s scars healed healthily, they just wrapped him in thin bandages and let him be. Because of this, sometimes Gary’s arms start bleeding again. He would need bandages slightly longer, and his arms needed cleaning and redressing on a regular basis.

Andy sat Gary down by a small table with their collection of first aid bandages they had collected from multiple supply runs, and sighing, Andy started redressing Gary’s wrists in silence.

When he was done and Gary’s arms were clean and dressed, Andy prompted Gary to stand back up and wrapped an old course towel around him. Gary had made it clear he wasn’t fond on losing his black hair, and stood grumpily with his blond curls stopping at his shoulders. He looked at Gary, blue-grey rusty eyes staring him down.

Andy felt slightly guilty for taking from Gary something he wanted to keep, but to recover he had to let some things go. That, and, his hair needed a bloody wash.

Andy cupped The thinner man’s face with his calloused hands and kissed him, gently, lovingly. Gary leaned into the warmth of Andy’s touch and rested his forehead against the shorter man’s.

Gary was, in some ways, still a little shit, but Andy was still in love with him.

#oh boy #Gary King #Andy Knightley #The World's End #this is probably bad #but oh well #gary x andy

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kewltie · 7 years ago

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im soooooooooo glad that two scenes when up next to each other in time bc I JUST LOVE PARALLELS HELLO!!!!

marriage ceremony, highlight:

cd!donghae is always extra (look that boy may not want attention but man he does everything that cause the opposite to happen) but essein??? EQUALLY EXTRA. i mean who even thought consort candidates should even fight each other to get the hand of their ruler?? tho that tradition has died out (bc peace & consort no longer holds it original power) but past!!essein were so badass tbh. AND WHY WOULD YOU EVEN BUILD A FUCKING TEMPLE ON AN ACTIVE VOLCANO AND MAKE IT TRADITION FOR THE ROYAL FAMILY TO GET THERE WTF.

which lead to our next point: the essein are super super (!!!!!) devout ppl so much so that they build a temple on an active volcano believing wholehearted that their god will protect him... and well it rumbles and scared donghae to shit but it hasn’t kill anyone yet in thousand of years so i guess proven right??? :D

donghae 10000% does not give a shit about essein’s gods but he understand their important to these ppl so although he does walk the walk he really reaaaaally isnt that sincere. that will change with time!!

gods ARE HUGE thing in this world but that was in the past now the world can of split b/t those that still believe and revere them to those that think they are decoration bc while esse entire infrastructure rely on magic and will of the gods so ofc they still hold the gods in high regard but in other part of the world where technology has triumph over magic (which is selective, rare, and hard to train/use) everybody catch on that advancement so why pray to the gods for rain when you can build an aquaduct and bring it to your drought written lands?? so more advance the nation (which is mainly the bigger/powerful/rich ones) the less the gods have any influence. but since essein are ‘isolationist’ they disregard any advancement and still practice the old ways, so that’s why the gods are sooo super important to them and IT HASN’T FAIL THEM SO WHY FIX IT????

donghae’s nation, nave, actually straddle that magic/tech divide so while they have advance tech from the bigger countries trickling in but bc donghae’s father is devout, religion and the worship of ion is important to donghae and his family.... but as you can see that no longer matter to donghae bc he had long turned away from them bc they are useless in his eyes ///o\\\\.

i thought about how a big country like essein manage to keep communication with its vast territories since they don’t have the advancement from the outside world (which use something similar to the telegram/phone). AND I REALIZE oooh essein are heavy reliance on their beasts/monsters and tamed to do manual labor and assist in ordinary living so communciation and transimission??? aiayas--giant eyeball bats with hive mind and ability to transmit info/image easily so yes i hope to explore more creatures in the world of esse :)))) IT’S SO MUCH FUN.

the mountain that donghae climbed is shallowly inspired by china’s mount tai which has 7k-ish stone step to climb to the top!!!! IT’S REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND A MARVEL

no gods, highlight:

it’s not explicitly stated in the text (i think, i haven’t decide yet) but during his years of captivity donghae suffered from sever depression and suicide ideation :((((. i soooo hope it’s clear that it's heavily hinted throughout the series

when he was captive of his brother he wasn’t physically torture or punished but he still suffer from severe abuse just not a physical one but mainly emotional/mental abuse (which is not a form that we see a lot in writing sadly) and it’s just as bad if his bro beat him. the thing is donghae’s father lost the war against his own son and therefore many ppl in his family are executed and DONGHAE HAD TO WATCHED IT HAPPENED and the sole reason he’s alive is bc his bro god a an unreasonable grudge on donghae and kept him alive just to fuck with him. he’ll come to donghae’s room and tell him father’s death?? UR FAULT. older brother dying?? ALSO YOUR FAULT. everybody that die??? YOUR FAULT. the reason our country was in a civil war?? IT’S BC YOU EXIST IF YOU DIDN’T EXIST I WOULD NEVER CHALLENGE FATHER AND NOBODY HAD TO SUFFER. imagine day in and ay out someone tell you this your fucking self worth and sense start to warped and you start to believe it IS YOUR FAULT even though it ISN’T AT ALL. and not only he kept you captive and feed you all these lies he isolated you from everyone and the few you get in contact with (i.e. the servants) the moment you make talk/friends with them they get kill just TO FUCK WITH YOU BC YOU CAN’T HAVE FRIENDS AND NOT EVEN A DROP OF JOY FROM CONVERSING WITH ANOTHER HUMAN. and if you try to escape??? BIG MISTAKE you do anything wrong in his eyes he pick the ppl you knows/care about (your wetnurse, ur old servants, etc) that are kept in his prison and take them out and make an example of them INSTEAD OF YOU bc your actions LEAD TO THEIR DEATH... so yea he doesn’t outright physically hurt donghae but hurt his heart and self worth instead and it’s sooo incredibly that donghae even thought he’s out of nave now... he still fucked up in many ways :((((((((((((((( and it’s long road to recovery before he can see that he’s amazing and a survivor!!!!!

donghae’s awkwardness/social inept with ppl through much of the first three arcs (??) is attributed to after years of isolation from other ppl so while he was bright and social in the past... now he’s just a pale imitiation of his self but every now and then we SEE THAT TRUE SPARK OF HIS THAT BEEN HIDING ALL ALONG LIKE CHALLENGING HIS RIGHT TO MARRY HYUKJAE AND LIKE FUCKING WINNING IT EVEN THOUGH HE’S SCARED TO DEATH BUT HE’S MORE SCARED OF BEING ALONE AGAIN NOW THAT HE FOUND PPL HE CAN RELY ON \\\O//.

‘my god died a long time ago’ is honestly one of my fav lines bc it actually talk about two things 1) is that donghae denoucing the gods didn’t begin when his father died but his mother’s death actually. that was when he prayed and prayed for her to recover from her illness but that never happen and since then he realized gods are whimsical beings they only deem to visit you when they want to and not BY UR TERMS. 2) donghae loves his father V V V V MUCH, he admire him for being such a noble and righteous person and was very close to him so while donghae turned away from the gods he put his father on a pedestal and in a way he’s donghae’s god now and when his father died.... so did his god.

kyu’s and the crew celebrating ion is actually pretty common thing for them not only to honor donghae and his family’s god but since they are so devout in their beliefs and believe all gods are important they are respectful of even to foreign gods. esse, throughout history, had acquired a lot of territories (mainly smaller islands surrounding their mainland) and each ones of them have their set of beliefs and religion and though they are adsorbed into esse, they are still allow to worship their original gods alongside essein’s 12 holy deities that are super suppppppper important to them.

#writing notes #fic: cerulean dreams #on writing #im on my way to sickville... LET'S HOPE I CAN SLEEP IT OUT TONIGHT!!!#bc im off tmr and well--we'll see!!

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