#i hope this is enough info about the breakup

[itwasrealtome]

THIN ICE

Olivia Benson x fem! reader

⚠️ DO NOT READ IF THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU

ANGST | Olivia Benson x fem! detective reader | Masterlist

Summary : Detective Y/N Y/L/N, part of Olivia Benson’s Special Victims Unit, faces a life-threatening situation during a suspect’s arrest, chasing this one into an ultimate falls to his death. Injured but alive, Y/N finds herself in an hospital room, receiving stern words from Olivia about her reckless actions.

Content Warning : Mention of stimulants to stay awake | Mention of a breakup | Mention of police work | Mention of jumping off a building | Some police man being a jerk | Usual SVU talk : Abuse, murder, violence, weapon and kidnapping | Y/N getting into a fight | People falling from a building | Injuries | Death | Hospital | OLIVIA BEING MAD | HEARTBREAK

A/N : Hello my loves. I'm finally sharing this first Olivia X reader with you. I hope you like it. Please let me know what you think. There are a few people I can't identify in the taglist, I'm sorry.

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•••

This afternoon, the streets seemed even more crowded than usual. The vehicles flooded the roads, coming from every corner and blocking the main way out.

Behind a queue of about ten of them, a police car came to a sudden halt. The alarm was on, and the blue and red flashing lights blinded anyone who looked in that direction.

But no one moved.

Not even the sound of a horn persuaded the citizens of New York to get out of the path.

Amanda’s grip on the wheel only tightened. She had never been able to understand the reason behind people’s insensitivity to this kind of thing. It was such an easy thing to understand. Besides, someone’s life often depended on it. Yet, there she was, turning furiously midway, her partner gasping in surprise, her shirt now stained with hot coffee.

— Dude, can’t you just warn before doing that kind of thing?

The blonde gave a brief glance to her passenger. She expected to find her glued to the door, her fingers clenched around the top handle, but she didn’t.

Y/N was desperately trying to absorb the contents of her cup on her worktop. The wipers provided with her order, finally finding their use.

While most people would have been annoyed about staining a piece of clothing, the young detective was not. She seemed much more upset about losing a few drops of her beverage. The former could still be replaced, but the latter was definitely needed.

— Sorry about your shirt.

— Yeah, well you owe me a coffee.

The driver’s smile only widened when she heard her partner muttering complaints. She knew her well enough to say that it had nothing to do with that slight accident. It was cute. Of course, it was. But Amanda could see through it. She knew it had nothing to do with the coffee. Sure, the days were long and their job involved finding stimulants to stay awake, but Y/N was never acting like that. Something was different. And who better to notice than someone who practically lived with her?

— Sure you’re okay?

— Rollins, it’s just a shirt. I think I can get over it.

Amanda gave her a knowing glance. She expected this kind of answer from the young officer. Everyone knew what kind of person she was.

Committed, she was always the first to arrive at the precinct and the last to leave. She was practically married to the job by now. And though Kat had trouble following orders, Y/N did not. She was the perfect partner. Amanda couldn’t remember a time when Y/N had lost control. But these days, everything seemed to fall apart.

It began with a couple of small comments, here and there, a bit too harsh coming from Y/N’s mouth. Next up, her silence during the team talk was a concerning factor for Amanda. If anyone always had something to add to the investigation, it was her. This ranged from a simple detail no one had noticed, to scientific or sociological facts. It was often complicated to keep the detective quiet, so her lack of involvement was bound to catch the eye. That and the fact the blonde had seen her leave the bunks two mornings in a row at the exact same time.

Sure, it was just the addition of minor details. But the older woman’s gut was not wrong, not about this. Something was wrong with her partner. And it had nothing to do with a simple lack of caffeine.

— Oh, don’t give me that kind of look.

— But you’re not telling me the truth, Y/N/N!

Y/N huffed quietly. At times in her life, she hated being around people whose job was to investigate. She cursed them all equally. She just couldn’t help herself the last few days. Her anger was aimed at a specific and unique person, but that person being in law enforcement themselves, it was almost overwhelming to go to work every day. Time seemed to run too slowly there. The only moments she enjoyed were those outside the building. The cold New York weather allowed her to clear her mind and take a deep breath. And she always had something to do, after all the city never slept.

—Like you don’t keep anything to yourself, huh?

Amanda faintly spluttered. Everyone knew she had had difficult times, but she wasn't the only one. And now that she was honest with herself, she knew she had made mistakes. One thing’s for sure, she did not want her partner to replicate these.

— I made some mistakes, most of them I don’t want you to repeat.

— I seriously doubt you did this one.

That was all she could get out of the young detective. Amanda knew it as she watched her turn toward the window. The mere reflection of her face gave her a glimpse of what she was really feeling inside, a sweet mixture of anger and bitterness. Whatever the problem was, it wasn't something they could fix with a drink. And this worried the blonde even more.

— Just promise me you won't do anything stupid.

These words captured the passenger's interest again. She arched an eyebrow at her partner, a smile forming at the corner of her lips. Knowing their duo’s dynamics, she had dozens of retorts on the tip of her tongue, all of them a little more mischievous than the last. Instead, she just shook her head gently. Amanda didn't have to know how upset she was about the whole thing. She didn’t deserve to worry so much. And Y/N certainly had no right to be such a burden to her partner.

— Like what? Jumping off a building? y/n chuckled at the blonde’s glare. Relax. I won’t do anything of that kind, I promise.

At that very moment, the young detective genuinely meant it. She had not gotten up with such an idea in mind. If jumping off a building was regarded as a very stupid gesture, she considered her routine more so.

It was in the way the precinct’s bunks were beginning to feel like home. And how she spent every second of her days with the badge on her waist. She had no idea when she had last stepped into her apartment for more than a shower. Her desk was overflowing with paperwork and books in which she always found a way to bury herself. It was much more than a way to distract herself. At all costs, she avoided raising her head, out of fear of meeting the gaze that froze her every time. The path she was on was, for that matter, significantly more dangerous than whatever stupid thing Amanda was thinking about.

But she could not say that to her.

To anyone, actually.

— Weren't we just called to make sure that this jerk wasn't prowling around the residence?

In any other context, Y/N would have felt like a fool. Her back nearly arched as she tried to make out what was going on in a street they weren't even close to yet. She may have lacked sleep and insight into her personal life, but her cop intuition never failed her.

— You'd be sure of that if you'd listened to a single word the captain said.

— Something’s wrong.

Amanda brought them to the next intersection before momentarily stopping the car. The sight over her partner’s shoulder sent a chill down her spine. Despite years of experience, she couldn’t help but feel a rush of adrenaline every time. The crowd of cops down the street certainly wasn’t helping. They were everywhere. Mostly hidden behind their vehicles. But their vests did not go unnoticed and neither did their weapons pointed at a specific target.

— Crap, I hate when you’re right about this stuff.

— Hum…what was that you were saying about our captain again? y/n faced her friend with a teasing smile on her face. She couldn’t help herself. Always listen to what sh–

The sudden acceleration of the vehicle silenced Y/N. She felt grateful once again that her belt was keeping her safe. No day went by without her being in some kind of danger, but she never thought she’d have to worry about dying while Amanda was behind the wheel.

— Would you please stop doing that? cried the younger detective, her hands still clutching the top handle. And since when do you drive so badly? Damn it.

— Guess now you’ll stop driving like a maniac if I let you get behind the wheel.

The door swung shut before she could react. She stepped out of the car herself and walked over to Amanda. A vest was tossed in her face before she could even think about opening her mouth. But anyone who thought she would have given up so easily was wrong.

— I do not drive like a maniac.

Her friend gave her a knowing look as she closed the trunk. Now was definitely not the time to have this kind of conversation, but Amanda was glad her partner hadn’t lost everything that made her the person she was.

She was relentless, both in her work and in her personal life. To be defeated by a suspect in an interrogation room was a rare occurrence. Within the profession, many officers wondered about her career choice. They could imagine her leaving the field to terrify judges in a courtroom. Perhaps because they were themselves scared to death to face her. Seeking victory in a debate with a woman like Y/N was a waste of time. She knew when she was wrong, and would always acknowledge it. Nevertheless, she also knew when she was right. And in those moments, Amanda was the first to grab a bag of popcorn.

— That you do.

The detective’s hands found the velcro on the vest from memory as she was too busy glowering at her friend. The protection weighed on her shoulders. It was almost enough to give her a reason to fall apart. That, and the weight of life that was beginning to take its toll on her.

Slightly defeated, she stomped over to Amanda to catch up with her. She knew the other detective was right. Her anger was evident in the way she drove. Since then, she was assigned the role of co-pilot. It was okay. But she loathed being deprived of her usual distraction. It was starting to loop in her mind. She needed a way out.

— Detective Rollins and Y/L/N, Special Victims Unit.

Amanda shoved her badge in the man’s direction, half-expecting him to tell her to piss off. He dominated the scene with his large stature and a rank evident to all. The rookies were following his orders and keeping their mouths shut. Something that obviously wouldn't work with Olivia Benson-trained agents. He didn't seem to mind, guiding the two detectives as close as possible to the scene. But then, the mere idea of having to send men into the building made him raise his chin in an authoritative, disapproving manner.

— Our only witness is trapped in this building, Rollins began the fight, finger pointing accusingly. I don't care how, I want that man in custody.

If one of them had looked up for even half a second, instead of fighting over who had the biggest –which was obviously Y/N in this situation– they might have been able to stop the young detective in her tracks. Amanda had had enough of listening to the man's whining as he waved his rank in her face. And her colleague, the one she was supposed to look after, was tired of simply waiting.

As discreet as a mouse in the middle of the city, Y/N circled the building and quickly found a fire escape. It wasn't exactly what she'd had in mind when the impulse to walk into the building first came to her, but she couldn't really say she'd given it much thought. With a bit of imagination, and a little help from a trash container, she managed to pull herself up to the top. Now, maybe that was the beginning of a crazy idea. She could already imagine her partner and captain scolding her - if, and only if, she managed to get out of there alive and intact.

At the top of the stairs leading to the third floor, the detective stopped dead in her tracks at the sound of their suspect's agitated voice.

Thomas Patterson, 45, suspected of having violently abused his wife before killing her, and of abusing his stepdaughter - Johanne Morales. The man's profile was clear: a respectful-looking husband and father-in-law, loved by all, carefree, but once the door was closed he turned into a control freak with urges he simply couldn't escape. He clearly hadn't planned to kill his wife. The autopsy had revealed signs of haste and mistakes that a man like Patterson would never have made if he had prepared properly. But he had made mistakes. His blows had been too violent, Johanne had interrupted him, and he'd had to finish the job quickly - too quickly, in order to hide his crime.

Y/N had studied his profile carefully. That's what she did best, that and avoiding her captain. She knew he was restless, nervous, ready to do anything to cover up his actions. The final piece of the puzzle was to eliminate the only witness, the one who would go all the way to court to see him take the fall. She had an advantage over him. She was there, so close to the goal, and he was unaware of her presence. At least, that was until Amanda's voice came through the radio.

— Y/L/N, you've got two seconds to get your butt over here.

The young detective could have banged her own head against the wall. Boy, had she been stupid on that one. She clenched her jaw, the urge to bite her fist growing cumbersome as she prayed Thomas hadn't heard. But he definitely did.

A front door opened slowly, the creaking hinges betraying the building’s condition. The man was probably armed, the sound of the guard echoing in the empty corridor. Each of his steps shook the wooden floor and sent a current of adrenalin through Y/N's veins. He was getting closer. She could smell him and his perfume. Him and her fear.

As soon as he was close enough to round the corner of the stairwell, the young detective took this as her cue. She charged at the man, her hands reaching for the 9mm held firmly in his rough, bleeding hands. In a split second, the magazine slid out and collapsed on the floor. She sent it tumbling down a few steps with her boot, before landing a knee into the suspect’s parts. This only confused him for the briefest moment. He was on her again before she could even flinch. Her body hit the wall with a heavy thud, the vest shielding her body from the heavy impact. However, the man’s hands found her neck and tightened their grip, pulling her head violently forward and then pushing it back, slamming it against the concrete wall.

He repeated the motion twice more, the detective’s pleas of pain provoking a feeling he himself could not begin to describe. Y/N wasn’t done with him yet. He clearly wanted to lash out at a woman and had a nasty habit of underestimating them all. Only, today wasn’t his lucky day. He was forced into the apartment where he had deliberately tied up the young Johanne. It was his turn to bang into something. The dresser barely tilted behind him, but the vase crashed hard against the top of his skull. He felt the water run down his face, the smell of freshly bought flowers wafting through the air.

Back in a corner, Johanne tried desperately to struggle out of her bonds, her words puffed out by the duct tape over her mouth. She could only witness the struggle between her back-up and her assailant. Watching as Y/N unloaded all her pent-up anger on the man who had dared to cause so much harm. In one smooth motion, Thomas grabbed the detective’s gun, a triumphant glint in his eyes. Hope was soon lost, his chances of getting out of there alive and free close to zero. His opponent was relentless and had no intention of letting him slip away. His only option, he realized, a flash of light reflecting off the window, was to drag the detective with him in his fall.

Outside, Amanda was still arguing with the man in charge of operations. He hadn’t given up and neither had she. Only when, as the argument continued to escalate, gunshots were heard, followed by the shattering of a window pane, did they come to an agreement. The plan didn’t even have time to take shape before two bodies flew out of the building.

First, the blonde saw the man she recognized as their suspect crash hard to the ground, the collision knocking him down instantly. Then came a tremendous thump and the shrill sound of a car alarm. Straight ahead of her, on one of the patrol cars, had landed Y/N. The height of the fall meant that the roof of the vehicle had been crushed and some of the windows smashed. That wasn't what Amanda was most worried about. Her partner, the one who'd promised her she wouldn't do anything stupid – like jumping off the third floor of a building, was sprawled motionless on the broken glass, blood on the back of her skull.

— Oh my God, Y/N, in one stride, she was as close as she could get to her friend. Call an ambulance. Now!

For once, the man made himself useful, radio in hand, as he asked for help. He now stood with one, maybe two, even three victims to deal with if the detective didn't make it. He could already imagine the damage it would do to his career. Besides, he knew Captain Benson very well and had no desire to mess with her.

Needless was his worry. The more Amanda studied her friend, the more she realized how lucky she’s been. Y/N was simply stunned, staring at the New York sky with an uncharacteristic intensity. She began to laugh, full-throated, heartily. It was probably the adrenaline pumping again. Tears joined the party, leaving funny marks on her bloody cheeks. Suddenly, she remembered.

— Johanne. She's alive. Up there. Y/N looked up at Amanda expectantly. She needs help.

***

Captain Olivia Benson had seen enough in her career not to let anxiety get the better of her. She had been beaten, kidnapped, almost died and dragged through the mud in front of an entire courtroom. She had reached a point where facing certain types of suspects no longer made her lose her footing.

But someone was bound to make her lose it.

Briskly, almost to the point of knocking herself off her feet, she made her way through the corridors of a hospital she knew all too well. The distinctive clatter of her heels against the floor blended perfectly with the incessant beeping and distant hubbub of such a place. She wasn't there to see a victim, as she often was. Her hasty and agitated demeanor only aroused the suspicions of the medical staff who had crossed paths with her so many times. It wasn't just a professional matter.

It hadn't been for a long time.

When Olivia reached room 212, she didn't spare a moment's hesitation. One of her youngest detectives and latest recruit was sitting wisely on the edge of the bed, her legs wriggling in the air like a child's. A nurse was visibly busy behind her, dropping more and more glass flakes into her tray as she went. She leaned against the doorframe, arms folded tightly against her chest, eyes focused on the sight that made her stomach hurt in spite of herself.

She watched as Y/N's chest, covered in dried blood, continued to pulsate with every breath, as hematomas were already starting to spread across her face and torso, and as her plain face twisted in pain as soon as the nurse reached for another piece of glass. Just a few days ago, her first instinct would have been to rush to her protégé’s side and calm the agony she knew to be growing in her heart. But she'd vowed to keep her distance and stay in her current position: Captain Benson, unit chief.

All too quickly for the young detective's liking, the nurse finished her treatment and left the two law enforcement agents behind. Olivia had had the decency to wait until the door was closed before lashing out at her, which didn't stop Y/N from rolling her eyes. She'd already imagined this conversation - or rather, monologue - and knew she wouldn't come out of it unscathed. She'd probably lose her badge. No matter, she'd already lost her heart.

— Have you completely lost your mind? You could’ve been killed.

This was the cue for a lengthy sermon that she couldn't escape. The words left Olivia's mouth at a speed that seemed unbearable. She paced back and forth, her arms stretching out in waves of frustration and indignation, her cheeks rosy with emotion. She'd done some stupid things herself when she was just a rookie, but throwing herself off the third floor of a building had never been on the list.

— Are you done? y/n arched an eyebrow as Olivia finally paused. I saved a life today. While Amanda and that jerk were fighting over who had the biggest, which apparently I did.

— No, you refused to follow orders. Not only did you put yourself in danger, you put everyone's lives in danger. Heaven help us again that you were wearing your vest, otherwise it could have been a lot worse.

— I don't know why you care so much, you're just my boss!

Although these words were intended to hurt Olivia, it was Y/N who took the brunt of the blow. It was one thing to know that their relationship had been reduced to this, but it was quite another to admit it in person. The brunette was no longer entitled to worry so much, to ask her to watch out and send her a text as soon as she got home. Whatever had been was no more.

— Right, Olivia broke into an almost scoffing snort. Let me tell you, as your captain, that you won't be leaving the precinct for a long time.

— You’re benching me? Liv, you can’t do this!

— What you did was completely irresponsible. You don't want to follow orders, fine. But you're not leaving this desk without my permission.

The young detective had been holding her breath for a long time– far too long. She'd spent days avoiding conflict, lamenting in her corner, mourning the end of a story she'd thought would last forever. It wasn't just about what had just happened, it was something else, something more personal. She felt as if Olivia had no idea how to express her concern, as if her only option was to play the role of the big bad boss. But she was tired of hiding, of running away, of avoiding confrontation.

— Breaking my heart wasn't enough for you, uh? She rose from the bed, hastily putting on her jacket. If you want me to leave the squad, just say so.

For the first time, she faced her head-on. Head held high, eyebrows furrowed in frustration, ready to stand on tiptoe if that would help reach the brunette's height. She faced those brown pearls with all the courage she had left, her own eyes misty with tears she'd never let flow. This was it, so close yet so far, two souls who knew each other becoming strangers once again.

Olivia reached out with a last ounce of regret, brushing away a tear that had escaped down the young detective's cheek with the tip of her thumb. Her heart urged her to do more, to embrace this bruised woman, to bring her all the comfort she needed. She wanted to take Y/N home, wrap her in one of her shirts, tell her how much she loved her. In another life, where they were just two soul mates, where Olivia didn't have to worry about repercussions, whatever they might be. This was where she could find comfort.

— Go home. Take a few days. Get some rest. We'll talk about it when you get back.

The New Yorker had rarely seen a face shattered in a matter of seconds. Her words had urged Y/N to free herself from her hold, her head heavy and spinning from all the hassle and concussion she'd picked up from the blows. Her shoulder nudged her superior's as she walked by, a gesture of no little importance. She did not look back once to meet her former lover's gaze again.

Maybe she should have.

Maybe she would have seen the same love, the same tears, that Olivia saw in her eyes.

Maybe the ice wasn't so thin after all.

•••

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[hannahssimblr]

By the time I pull the car up to the curb outside the Tengu house, my stomach is a bit sick. It’s in my head, I know, whenever I get anxious it goes straight to my guts, but knowing that doesn't really help. It feels real. My fingers are shaky over the buttons of my phone as I text Jen.

I’m here. Come out. 

I eye the house anxiously while I wait, scanning for movement behind those netted curtains in the living room, but there is none. I turn the radio on.

It’s that infernal Jason Derulo song again.

I turn it off. 

The front door opens and my heart picks up, but it’s not Jen, (which is the best case scenario) nor Michelle, (worst) but Rahim, and he’s waving me over.

Oh God.

I open the car door and climb out. 

“There’s a few things you left behind,” he tells me, “Debra and I collected them for you from around the house.”

He hands me a book I was reading a couple of months ago, my blue Yankees hat and a pair of white tube socks, washed, dried and folded with more care than they deserved considering they have a hole in the heel. 

“Thank you,” I say, then hesitating, “Is… is she doing alright?”

Rahim heaves out a sigh and throws his eyes to the ceiling, “she’s as you would expect,” a hand drops to my shoulder, “how are you?”

“Decent,” I say, because I'm not sure how else to express it, and we exchange pained smiles as his hand lingers there, warm through my t-shirt in a gesture that feels something like camaraderie. There is a sense that we are two men, suffering together in equal measure through this mess, but I don’t deserve his empathy. I made the mess when I broke up with Michelle. I've condemned this family to several months of crying and screaming. At least that’s how I imagine it, but nobody will give me any detailed information about how she’s dealing with it. It's probably not good for my mental health to find out.

I’m startled when Jen comes down the stairs lugging two big suitcases. She’s red. Her hands, the sides of her face, around her ears, and most noticeably the hair on her head. Bright, pillarbox red. I don’t know what to say. 

“The nice girl at the pharmacy talked me into it!” She insists once she sees the look on my face, “I was looking for black but she said everyone is doing this... red thing this summer so I thought, like, why not?”

“It’s all over you.”

“I know, it stains. I got it all over the basin of the shower and Debra is upset, but can we please not make a big deal out of it?”

I burst out laughing and she tries her best to look annoyed, but she can’t. The corners of her mouth betray her as she swerves around Rahim and shoves through the door past me, stalking towards the car with suitcases in tow. She knows it’s funny. 

I take a step back too, “Thanks for the things, Rahim, I’ll, um…” I’m suddenly struck by the fact that this may be the last time I see this man for a long time, but I don’t want to think about things like that now. I switch my tone to a more upbeat one, “Enjoy your summer. I’ll see you soon!” 

“Yeah, bye!” Jen calls out, already stuffing her things into the boot, “text me if you get the stains out of the shower!”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[showf4lls]

ɞ ― make a home in you; chuckle sandwich

cw + info! fluff, headcanons / no CWs

includes! ted nivison + charlie slimecicle + jschlatt

dedication! @ivyinnit

notes! i’m currently trying to get over a breakup and am kind of struggling w yearning atmo so this request (while old) was kind of perfect thank you for dropping into my askbox, ivy!! little update: it’s been so long since i’ve received this request, i know. it should’ve been easy to get it out quickly, but school absolutely melted me this semester. i know that ivy’s deactivated now, but in the case that she comes across it, i hope you enjoy beloved <3

TED

⎼ y’all schedule out laundry days together. it’s cute as fuck okok

⎼ forehead and cheek kisses while you’re on your way out the door

⎼ if he wakes up before you, he makes your morning drink of choice just the way you like it! though, he prefers to sleep in with you

⎼ if you don’t have any important plans for the day and you’ve set alarms just for the sake of waking up at a certain time, he turns them all off before you wake up. he wants to give you an opportunity to rest as much as you need to; your body will wake up when it’s ready

⎼ brunch dates! while you guys prefer to sleep in together, you alternate between sleeping in and waking up at a reasonable hour depending on your plans. ted really likes taking you out to brunch and just walking around window shopping with you after

⎼ if either of you are going somewhere important, the other will help them get ready and run through a mental checklist with them before they go in order to make sure the person leaving has absolutely everything they need

⎼ y’all are constantly doing bits. it’s kind of confusing for your friends, but neither of you care much because you’re just having a great time

⎼ ted is an absolute gentleman always, not just in the honeymoon phase. constantly opening doors for you, helping you put your sweater on when you’re leaving the house, opening the car door for you. stuff like that

⎼ he rubber ducks for you a lot. just sits down near you and listens, letting you work out your issues by talking it out without feeling awkward about it

⎼ he’s just overall a great listener and very in-tune with your needs. only gives advice and input when you ask for it, but he always makes an effort to validate your feelings. holds you when you need him to and steps back when he senses that you need space. also really good at problem solving and helping out when you get overwhelmed or have sensory overload

– when you have bad days, he has a tendency to go above and beyond. he cooks dinner for you, makes sure your comfy clothes are all washed and clean, and generally just makes sure you have to do as little as possible so that you have the proper space to calm down

CHARLIE

– you guys have rapid fire joke contests together, usually late at night when you’re sitting on kitchen counters, snacking. you go back and forth until either the two of you are laughing so hard that it would be physically impossible to keep going, or someone can’t come up with a joke fast enough

– you try to stay on the sleep cycle but you both tend to get a little out of whack every once in a while, so you have these phases of going to sleep at a decent hour and then going to sleep when the sun is about to come up

– as such, you guys have these phases of making spontaneous runs to the grocery store or gas station to get snacks, usually cereal for some reason. you get whatever you want and charlie never lets you pay for any of it. on the later nights, you guys sometimes experiment with new flavors of things or weird snack combinations

– he has a thing about always making sure you’re warm enough. you’re a little chilly? he’s pulling his sweater off and pulling it over your head. once you’re all comfy and settled, he’s on his way to turn on the heater. your feet are cold? he’s running to get you a pair of fuzzy socks and a blanket in case your legs are cold too. even when you’re about to leave the house -- it’s colder than 50 outside? he’s scrambling around the house, gathering gloves and scarves and beanies for you to take with you in case you get cold, even if they don’t match. no other options but you’re still cold? mans is wrapping himself around you, trying to use his body heat to warm you up himself. he hates when you’re chilly and uncomfortable :[

– brings you home little presents all the time. literally anything that remind him of you. you have a collection of buttons and keychains that he’s seen while walking through shops. he also steals cool props from videos and projects to give to you. you have a little collection going

– loves pda all the time, but not always cuddling (which can sound confusing, but let me explain). he likes casual pda with you around the house, whether it be you resting your feet in his lap while you both lounge across the couch, sitting on the floor and leaning back on his legs while you watch a movie, him putting a hand on the small of your back while he moves around/behind you, holding onto your hand until you’ve walked out of reach, gently pressing his knuckles into your back while you’re laying on the other side of the bed and facing away from him. likes to be touching you when he can be but in little ways that aren’t super overwhelming (mostly because i feel like you’d both be too fidgety to just cuddle)

– some of your most domestic moments are spent in the kitchen, usually cooking dinner together. it’s light and warm and it feels so much like home that you sometimes find yourself questioning if it’s all real. he’s right there to tell you it is. but back to dinner. he loves cooking for you, and you love cooking for him. it’s all laughter and winding down from work days and gentle hugs and swaying together as he hums for you

SCHLATT

– it’s a little hard to find domestic moments with schlatt off the top of your head, but they’re there when you look for them. they’re quiet, but they’re ever present

– he sleeps a lot, meaning that you usually wake up before him. if he’s sleeping light enough to hear you get up, he’ll roll over, half asleep, wrap his arms around your middle, and pull you back into his chest, mumbling a groggy “ten more minutes, babe. i’ll be up then, jus’ ten more minutes.” it’s never just ten more minutes

– he picks you up and carries you around a lot. not in the typical way. if he thinks you’re working yourself too hard, he’ll grab you from your desk and throw you over his shoulder, dropping you onto the couch and forcing you to watch a movie with him. or you’ll be sleepily making yourself a snack in the kitchen and he’ll grab you from behind, just wrapping his arms around your middle and picking you up. he carries you, complaining and squirming, the whole way to your room and tells you it’s nap time

– you guys have a lot of nap dates. it’s an easy, sweet block of time for you guys to spend together, hazy and together while napping on and off. if one of you wakes up, you get to fondly watch the other nap until you fall asleep again. watch the easy rise and fall of their chest, run a hand through their hair, trace gentle patterns on their skin, play with their fingers, listen to the beating of your heart

– you do the dishes together. you wash and schlatt dries. sometimes you get into towel fights or start flicking water at each other with your fingers

– schlatt follows you out of bed when you get up in the middle of the night. he’d never admit it, but he has a hard time sleeping without you. he hates waking up to a cold bed. so when the clock blinks 3:17 and he feels around to find nothing beside him, even if your side of the bed is still warm, he huffs and gets up. pads through the house with puffy, tired eyes until he finds you. wraps his arms around you from behind and rests his chin on your head. “what are you doin’ outta bed?” he never waits for your response, just starts ushering you back to your room

– really likes seeing you in his clothes, again, not that he would ever admit it. he’ll purposely “forget” to do your laundry so that you have to start wearing his hoodies, tee shirts, sweats, etc. it just gives him the warm fuzzies, seeing you be so comfortable and cozy in his clothes

– hangs on you a lot on days when there’s nothing to do. he’s pretty idle about it, too, kind of like a character accessory. sometimes you just have to go around the house doing your stuff with this big man hanging off of you because you don’t have the heart to tell him to leave you alone for an hour or two to get your work done

[markantonys]

fuck it, proposing an s3 episode-by-episode structure even though we barely have any info to go off of, because i'm bored and yearning for s3 news. can't wait to see how wrong this ends up being! i can't emphasize enough how much this is just me completely inventing structure ideas because, for real, we barely know ANYTHING yet, so do not latch onto anything i say here.

we know 4 episode titles so far, so i've included those.

3x01: to race the shadow

A-plot: the gang in falme

lots of relationship-building between various dynamics, especially rand & elayne (just friendship with Crush Hints for now) and nynaeve & lan (ring scene maybe)

rand and egwene's final breakup

mat's luck established during a gambling scene

mat goes through the doorway in turak's room of curiosities, is told to go to tanchico, gets his marriage prophecy & medallion & ashandarei, and gets cpr from rand

elayne and nynaeve learn something about liandrin that points them towards tanchico

rand decides to go to the waste and egwene does too after speaking with amys in her dreams, and perrin goes with them because he has no other plans as of yet

B-plot: aes sedai politics, catch up with siuan, catch up with liandrin

3x02: a question of crimson

i'd always hoped this would be a caemlyn episode, and the title points to that imo!! perfect title for elaida's intro episode, and red is andor's color as well.

so, A-plot: rand, egwene, perrin, et al pass through caemlyn on their way to the waste

egwene has been tasked by elayne with delivering a letter to her family; rand insists on coming with her; they trespass in the caemlyn palace and meet gawyn, galad, morgase, and elaida

i don't expect a forsaken here just yet, i think it's important to see Normal Morgase and Normal Caemlyn first so that we have a contrast later once they ARE under forsaken control.

perrin hears rumors of trouble in the two rivers and decides to split off from the group to investigate, with loial, bain, and chiad accompanying him

the rest of the group reaches the waste at the end of the episode

B-plot: nynaeve, elayne, and mat arrive in tanchico (they split off from the others in falme and go straight there, no caemlyn trip for them)

C-plot: more white tower stuff

3x03

A-plot: rand in rhuidean + general intro to the waste (rand's focal episode)

B-plot: perrin arrives in the two rivers and gets situated

C-plot: continued tanchico shenanigans, maybe they run into thom and/or min and/or tuon (who is undercover for reasons) if they didn't already in 3x02. my guess is min has been kidnapped out of cairhien by liandrin, who knows min figured out she's black ajah and doesn't want her to snitch, so maybe at some point in the early episodes there's a plotline of mat, elayne, and nynaeve rescuing min from the black ajah, and after that point min joins their scooby gang (because she's got a personal vendetta against liandrin now and also she wants to re-earn mat's trust and prove herself).

an alleged leak puts mat, thom, and min all in tanchico, so that's why i have them in this plotline. it's also why i have tuon in this plotline, as i can't think of a strong reason to move mat from the waste to tanchico if not to incorporate elements of the ebou dar trip and have him meet tuon who is filling an egeanin-type role.

3x04

A-plot: nynaeve encounters moghedien in TAR and almost dies but is saved by birgitte, whom elayne saves by bonding her as a warder (this whole sequence is the midseason climax at the end of the episode)

mat gets into some kind of shenanigan with tuon and they grow closer, but neither knows the other's true identity

B-plot: elaida, gawyn, and galad reach the white tower and start investigating elayne's disappearance and clashing with siuan

C-plots: the waste gang doing their thing, learning about aiel ways, developing avirand, etc; perrin doing his thing in the two rivers, meeting faile if he hasn't already

i could also easily switch 3x03 and 3x04 so that 3x04 is the rhuidean episode. just depends if they throw rand right into it like TSR does or if we get a General Waste Intro episode before sending him off to rhuidean. but based on a combination of leaks, we do just about know that the glass columns visions are during block 2 (eps3/4).

3x05

A-plot: perrin in the two rivers, maybe digging more into the whitecloaks, padan fain, laila trauma, luc/slayer, wolves & TAR, relationship with faile, etc. (potentially his focal episode)

B-plot: cold rocks hold stuff for the waste gang

C-plot: continued tanchico shenanigans; continued white tower politics

3x06

A-plot: alcair dal, asmodean identity reveal & capture

B-plot: some kind of tanchico conclusion. maybe this is when tuon finds out some of her new buddies can channel (and possibly even that sul'dam, and she herself, can channel) and heads back to the seanchan with Much To Think About. maybe the black ajah make their exit from the season to shift full focus onto Final Boss Moggy.

C-plots: perrin prepping for battle; continued white tower politics

3x07: goldeneyes

A-plot: perrin defending the two rivers (perrin's focal episode, unless it's instead an earlier one that's less about a major battle and more about his internal life as a character)

B-plot: tower coup? i'm very unsure where in the season to place this, i could see it at any point in episodes 6, 7, or 8. kinda doubt it would happen earlier than ep6 because i'm not sure if that would allow us enough time to build up to it, especially since major coup players like elaida and gawyn are being introduced for the very first time this season so we need decent time with them before shit goes down (plus, it just naturally feels like a Late Season Climactic Event). the head writer of 1x06 & 2x07 (aes-sedai-heavy episodes) being the head writer of 3x08 could potentially indicate that the coup happens in 3x08, but she is also an executive producer so it's not like aes sedai politics is The Only Thing she knows about.

C-plots: the waste gang travels back to the wetlands, rand learns from asmodean; tanchico crew takes a sea folk ship to the eastern part of the continent (same city where waste gang is headed)

3x08: he who comes with the dawn

A-plot: the climax of the waste crew's plotline, potentially a battle in cairhien or tear, but that may cause Battle Fatigue if 3x07 has just had a big battle. maybe this could point towards their destination being tear and them taking the stone in somewhat more of an infiltration operation like in TDR, as opposed to the more traditional battle for cairhien in TFOH? just to mix things up a bit with perrin's traditional battle in the prior episode.

okay yeah i'm leaning towards tear, plus there was the leaked alleged sammael audition script (i trust no audition scripts after the phony gawyn one from s2 lmao) where the person he's talking to is demanding to know where "it" is. so my vision is that sammael's sitting comfy in tear, rand & co launch an infiltration operation to take the stone, rand finds sammael and demands to know callandor's whereabouts, and sammael ultimately flees to continue causing trouble in a new location in s4.

A-plot part 2: the tanchico crew gets involved with the infiltration operation, and nynaeve battles & defeats moghedien AND breaks her block (if she hasn't already, that could be a good Early Win to include around ep5-6 ish)

after all this stuff is done, there is a Final Final confrontation with moiraine and lanfear getting yeeted through the doorway; nynaeve bonds lan straightaway rather than his bond going on a noncon detour to alanna

post-battle checkin with perrin, but not a ton of time with him in this episode

final stinger: our buddy tuon from tanchico is shown dressed to the seanchan nines and being addressed as the daughter of the nine moons. gasp, mat's fated wife is our buddy tuon from tanchico, who is in fact a high-ranking seanchan noble! dun dun dun!!!!!

elephant in the room: "emily, why are you having rand in the wetlands for 3x08 when an episode called 'he who comes with the dawn' would obviously be about alcair dal?" listen, i know, but i typed up this whole post before i found out about that episode title and was too attached to it to change it lmao plus, i genuinely can't think of enough for rand & co to do in the waste for 6 entire episodes. i could see an argument that they chose this episode title as a general "yeah that's a baller title for a season finale about rand coming into his own in a big moment" rather than as a specific "this episode focuses on rand coming into his own in a strictly-aiel-related way" (see: 2x07 just being about general political shenanigans rather than literal daes dae'mar). rand pulling callandor from the stone while surrounded by his aiel followers could still be a "he who comes with the dawn" moment, okay!

so i will leave this post as is, but if indeed 3x08 only takes us up to alcair dal (and the moiraine & lanfear yeeting which i think will be this episode no matter what), that actually doesn't change my structure too much. basically it'd just be slowing down both the waste & tanchico crew's plotlines and having their climaxes be still in the waste & tanchico respectively, and then we can do a travel timeskip between seasons and have s4 open with the waste crew taking tear or cairhien and the tanchico crew meeting up with them there. i do strongly believe that mat, elayne, and nynaeve will join up with rand & co for s4 and skip their whole salidar/ebou dar detours, because that positions mat to form the band and have his Dragon's General storyline in s4, positions elayne to spend time with rand and aviendha and potentially join rand in retaking caemlyn and then just stay there to start her succession, and positions nynaeve to spend time with lan in the immediate aftermath of moiraine's "death" and then join up with elayne's or rand's future storyline. for these 3, salidar & ebou dar are filler sidequests rather than Main Story storylines imo and it could be quite efficient to cut those out and just distribute the handful of Main Story elements from them into other Main Story storylines.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for cheating on my ex boyfriend? (pls read before judging)

so I (16f) started dating this guy J (16m) in August before school started. we were going strong for a while until about three weeks ago (mid-october) when school and sports got stressful for the both of us and we starting arguing. i said we should take a break from talking so much because it was just causing more conflict and taking time away from our personal lives, and that the break should be until the end of october, so, last week, as that was when both of our sport’s seasons ended. however, J continued to text me 3-4 times a day which usually ended in an argument.

it all came to a head like 2 weeks ago when me and J were arguing over text about him skipping school because of being sick and still going to a social event that night. finally i just told him that if we can’t get along, we need to break up (as well as telling him how irresponsible it was).

me and J never had a GREAT relationship, we didn’t have very well matching personalities, we were just typical high school couple. one could even go so far as to say that we were bad for each other or that the relationship was definitly bound to end.

BUT HERES WHEN IT GETS BAD. J told me that I couldn’t break up with him because the break we’d decided to go on wasn’t over. i wasn’t trying to make it any worse so i didn’t push it and said, “fine, we can keep pretending we’re in a relationship, but as far as you and me know, we’re over.”

I thought telling him that we were basically broken up already was enough but apparently he retained hope. i know, i know, i should have just pushed to break up, but i didn’t. that’s just how it went.

later that day, i texted my closest friend at the time, A (16M) with a screenshot of J refusing to breakup basically asking him if this was as crazy as I felt it was (for my bf to refuse to break up). A said it was and said i have to break up with him and date someone sane, like himself.

i had never liked A before, and I didn’t even consider it in the moment. however, over the next week until the end of our break, i did continue texting A and he began flirting with me, while toning it down and telling me to stop flirting back because “i still had a bf”. A did know me and J were basically broken up, which i think caused some of the flirting. A admitted to having a crush on me and i told him i didn’t like him back, but i wouldn’t be opposed to having some sort of physical relationship after i completely broke it off with J.

I also may have flirted back with A before the break was over. However, this was MILD and nothing was physical at all, genuinely just talk.

me and J broke up last Tuesday and me and A still haven’t been doing much other than talking. Today, J told me he knew i had been cheating on him and that i was pathetic, etc, etc. I also think some of his thoughts might have been based on the fact that a mutual friend of ours has been spreading untrue rumors about me and A’s relationship.

i know i’m wrong to a degree here, but i also think me and J were pretty much done by the time me and A were flirting, and that J may be the AH for completely denying my breakup.

pls lmk what y’all think, i wanna have someone else’s opinion on this.

What are these acronyms?

[twig-tea]

Love Senior: Final Thoughts

I've been putting off making a post about this because I don't like trashing things that are small efforts and especially not GL because we don't get enough of it to begin with. But I was enjoying Love Senior through episode 7. The leads were lovely, they had chemistry, their characters were both interesting, and one of them had casual sex with someone else before they got together and it was fine! They even talked about it! And they were thirsty! I love it when women get to have sexual desire in shows.

After episodes 8-9, the narrative took a serious turn and I broke and wrote a content warning post because of how gross the turn in the plot was. With one episode left, I watched to see whether it would undo any of the damage it had done, but instead it doubled down on awfulness.

The last episode is truly a smorgasbord of some of my least favourite tropes all rolled up into one miserable finale, and makes the show truly unwatchable even though it delivers a "happy ending". It didn't make sense, it wasn't good characterization, it served nothing but unnecessary angst, and it meant we didn't even get satisfying reconciliation or dealing with the issues laid out in 8-9. After this ending, I was extremely unconvinced these two would last, or that they should.

I know this isn't the worst there is in the world of QL. I've watched a lot of stuff. I used to just stay quiet if I didn't like something, but honestly, I want folks looking for info about this show to know what to expect, and I also want folks creating content to know that audiences expect better these days. I don't want people to think GL flops because nobody wants to watch it. We're so desperate for good, or even half-decent content (the viewing numbers for GAP should have made that obvious)! But things need to hold together at least somewhat, and this very much did not.

Most of the cast in this show is in a girl group together, so you can support them, continue past the cut if you want details on what makes this finale suck (I've kept it vague but obviously there will be spoilers), and I hope this is taken as it's intended--to help inform the watching decisions of us who love GL and want more of it, and to give information to those making it.

[I'm just going to note also that this show was by StarHunter Entertainment which is not known for its queer rep or good treatment of its people, so I don't feel like I owe this production company any loyalty].

Details about the last episode under the cut.

In episode 10, the following happens:

we get told the SA that I warned about in my 8-9 post was just staged for the purposes of blackmail/breaking up the leads

[the show doesn't acknowledge that the characters were still left in a position that they could have still been sexually assaulted, and that they were put in that position by someone they trusted]

Someone gets hit by a car

One of the leads falls into a coma, and on waking, gets amnesia

Her friends and family conspire to lie to her, not just erasing her girlfriend from their picture of her life, but saying that one of her other friends who has a crush on her is her boyfriend. They all go along with this lie for months

On finding out that her girlfriend had been told that she's actually dating some other guy, her girlfriend decides to noble idiocy and disappear from her life

More time passes, and they see one another at the amnesia girl's graduation, and hug for a happy ending.

THE END.

No conversation. No reconciliation beyond acknowledgment that they still have feelings. No mention of their breakup before the coma. Nothing that convinces me this couple will actually last at all, or reason (in the form of character growth, or narrative purpose) for why they've gone through this. Nothing about the main character being lied to by all of her friends and family for months. This ending says 'everything is fine as long as the two people you want to be in a relationship are in a relationship at the end of the story', and that doesn't fly with me.

[slveepyscwrs]

Are you serious about the writing fics...if so a Kuroo x reader Angst fight breakup pleeeaaase😭

When it comes to writing fics about gay volleyball boys, my friend, I'm always serious... 💅✨

Anyways, I hope this angsty breakup fic hits you in the feels as much as it did for me!

(I really enjoyed writing this, so to everyone, let me know if you want a part two– Should Kuroo reconcile, or should Kenma save the reader?)

Without further ado, let's get into your request! (This will also be cross posted to AO3!)

A Love I Never Knew

Summary: All of your heart was with the one person you adored the most, Kuroo Tetsurou. When things started to turn dark for you, you were sure that he would be there. You trusted him, you confided in him, and yet the result of that was the appearance of his true self– one that you never could have imagined in your wildest dreams, or more accurately, your darkest nightmares...

Info/Warnings: gender neutral reader, breakups, cliffhanger ending, aggressiveness, emotional breakdowns, self-esteem issues

“Are you okay?”

When it came to being asked that question, lately, you honestly didn’t know how to respond. Of course, you knew what to say: “I’m fine!”

Your self esteem, on the other hand, told an entirely different story.

You just couldn’t bring yourself to look in the mirror lately. No matter which way you looked at it, you couldn’t consider yourself beautiful. In your eyes, there were so many imperfections on your face, your body, everywhere.

To make matters worse, you had been losing sleep over it too. You had lost a lot of your previous cheerful spirit, as your eyelids began to sag.

Soon, your insecurities about your appearance were beginning to affect other parts of your life too. You couldn’t focus in class or in social activities anymore, because you felt like you weren’t good enough in anything.

Now, you were even beginning to feel like you weren’t good enough in your own relationship too. Kuroo was so cool, so intelligent, so confident… and you were just an awkward, scrawny introvert.

Basically, this was the exact opposite of him.

“Kuroo deserves way better than me…”

This was the thought that was running on repeat in your mind, as you slumped down on the couch in yours and his shared apartment. Your face was buried in your hands, as an even darker than usual cloud hung over your head today.

Kuroo didn’t know about any of this yet. He was always so upbeat and lively, and you didn’t want to put a damper on that with your trivial troubles.

This wasn’t all that possible for you at the moment, though. The concerns about you and your usefulness to Kuroo only got worse. Since this could affect your relationship, maybe now was finally the time to come clean to him.

“He’s always so carefree… He’ll know what to do, and maybe I won’t have to worry anymore…”

You were still anxious about telling him as you waited for him to come home from volleyball practice, but at the same time, you were confident that he could lighten your mood.

As a result, your eyes remained fixed on that door in a desperate anticipation. You didn’t even turn on the TV or browse through your phone to kill time until he came back like you usually did.

You needed Kuroo. In fact, today was probably the day you needed him the most.

When the door finally did swing open, your expression brightened a little. You were still shaking from the anxiety, but you were relieved that he was here at last.

“Baby, you’re home!” You jumped up to greet him.

Kuroo, on the other hand, didn’t seem nearly as enthusiastic. He wore his towel around the back of his neck, dripping sweat with an exhausted expression on his face.

This made sense for him. He didn’t like to show it to others, but you knew that he could get really wiped out when practices got intense.

Still, you knew that this was urgent, so you hoped to get his attention nonetheless.

“Practice was rough today, huh?”

“Hm, yeah. Definitely.” He nodded in agreement, but still didn’t make eye contact with you.

“How are the others?” Kuroo loved to crack jokes about his teammates, so you thought that this might snap him out of it.

“They’re alright. Annoying and chaotic as ever.” He still completely ignored you and brushed you off, and began to trudge off to the room that you two slept together in.

Your heart was beating fast under the weight of your feelings, so as much as you wanted to let him rest, you needed to talk to him. Therefore, you ran after him to make him talk to you.

“Hey, is something wrong?” You said this in a caring and concerned voice. He did seem really, really tired, but he usually wasn’t this low on energy. Despite everything you were going through, you also wanted to be there to listen to him if something was wrong.

What Kuroo said next, however, was something that made your face drop.

“Nothing’s wrong! I don’t need to be interrogated right now, love. Just leave me alone, ugh.”

Now, this sounded much more like he was annoyed with you rather than just being tired. You hadn’t meant to ‘interrogate’ him, you just wanted to know about his day.

He never reacted this badly before. Something was definitely on his mind, and you had the feeling that it had more to do with you than with volleyball.

“I’m really sorry… It’s just, I needed to talk with you about something.” You squeaked out in a lower tone, now becoming increasingly afraid of what his reaction would be.

“Fine, but make it quick, I have other things to do… Come to think of it, what is the matter with you today?”

Unlike you, his tone wasn’t filled with nearly as much care. It was like talking to you was a chore that he had no choice but to complete.

Taking a deep breath, you attempted to pour out your heart into words.

“It’s just that I don’t feel good enough… I don’t feel pretty enough, my personality isn’t good enough… And now I feel like I’m not good enough for you.” By the time you finished, your breath was shaky and uneven.

You still had some slight hope that this would make him soften up, but unfortunately, this couldn’t be further from the case.

“What’s with all this sappy stuff? Jeez, you’re acting crazy! You used to not give a shit…” He was massaging his forehead in a way that was intentional, making it clear to you that you were the one giving him that headache.

“No… That’s because I was just hiding it from you…”

“Well, what do you expect me to do about it?”

His tone was becoming harsher and harsher, while yours became softer and softer. This sudden change was literally taking your breath away, and not in a good way.

“Um… you are my boyfriend…” You looked up at him with eyes gone wide with fear, shame, and embarrassment.

This gaze only exacerbated Kuroo’s annoyance. He rolled his eyes, and moved his lips silently in a way that was mocking the way you spoke.

“Yeah, I’m your boyfriend, not your goddamn therapist.”

This was the final nail in your heart, shattering it into pieces. The carefree, lighthearted Kuroo that you had fallen in love with just wasn’t that same person anymore. As you realised this, tears began to sting at the corners of your eyes.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. At least answer the question, please… Am I good enough for you, Kuroo? I’m so sorry…” 

At this point, your voice was barely audible. You hardly knew what to say. Everything that you thought you knew about Kuroo was changing so quickly.

He had begun to turn around and go to the bedroom anyway, but at these words, he stopped in his tracks. He stood there like that for a few seconds, and you saw his hands clench into fists. The rising and falling in his chest became more ragged, as his breaths filled with negative emotions.

Every second that he was still made the dread inside you grow, but the face that you saw when he turned back around to face you suddenly and swiftly frightened you even more.

“I get home after a long day, and all you can do is cling to me like a fucking abandoned puppy. And instead of just letting me go like a sane person, all you say is ‘I’m sorry!’ It’s so goddamn corny and annoying… But you know what? I agree with what you said earlier. Maybe you really are not good enough for me.”

His fists balled tighter, as he screamed these words at the top of his lungs through clenched teeth. 

This new piercing volume sent the entire atmosphere around you two into utter silence. You couldn’t believe that this was real. It had to be a terrible nightmare, one that would end, and let you wake up to Kuroo cuddling beside you in the bed.

Yet, this wasn’t a nightmare. This was the reality of what Kuroo truly felt about you.

If your heart was shattered before, this made the pieces break even smaller and drop to the ground. As for your heartbeat, it felt as if it had stopped in your chest. Heck, time itself seemed to slow around you.

It was one thing to believe the worst about yourself, but having the one who’s supposed to love you the most say that those beliefs were correct all along made it feel like the world itself beneath you was giving out.

Your body wasn’t just trembling now, it was full on shaking. Your knees swayed back and forth, making you feel like a jelly that threatened to give way and drop to the floor any second now.

Your eyes that were now stuck open as wide as they could go couldn’t hold it back anymore, and silent tears rushed down your face. The shock was so intense that you couldn’t even make any noise with the crying. With all these tears, your throat began to burn.

“I have to say something, anything to make it better… It’s all my fault, I should fix this…”

You could hardly form thoughts like these, much less put them into words. Meanwhile, Kuroo kept his eyes fixated on you in pure disgust. He had a look on his face that made it seem like the fact that you were still in front of him was something that he absolutely loathed.

Whatever words did come to mind mostly stopped in your throat. Any noise that did come out was in the form of choked up croaks and squeaks.

Finally, somehow, actual words came out, only to be immediately cut off.

“Kuroo, I–“

“Just forget it already! If this is how you’re going to be, I can’t take it anymore! I’m fucking done with you. We’re over, now get out of my house, now!” 

You already thought that his voice couldn’t get any louder, but its magnitude just kept climbing and climbing until it got to a point where you felt that it could blow the roof off. His face was scrunched up in pure fury, and his eyes directed that rage into yours and straight into your soul.

Whatever he was feeling, Kuroo now seemed as if he had never loved you at all.

And just like that, a beautiful relationship that had lasted months, one that you hoped would stretch on for years to come vanished just like that. All your hopes about Kuroo disappeared into nothingness.

As reluctant as you were, you now accepted that what you had with him was gone, and couldn’t be fixed. 

However, more than that, you didn’t think it was even safe to be here anymore. Judging by his body language, his posture, his actions, and his words, standing there for even a few seconds longer would run the risk of Kuroo’s anger escalating towards physical violence.

Your knees gained just enough strength, and you bolted out the door in a fit of loud sobs.

When you were gone, Kuroo returned to normal and sighed, but not out of relief. He couldn’t pin it down exactly, but there was something gnawing inside him… He was observant enough that he knew deep inside that was guilt.

Still, even though he did know, he would never admit it. He wouldn’t admit it to himself, and definitely not to you. He couldn’t take back what he did, but either way, he most certainly wasn’t going to go running after you. Instead, he simply shook his head and wandered off inside the bedroom.

It was raining outside in the dark of night, and not just a light shower. Water rushed down from the dark clouds at high speeds, hitting the ground with incredible sound and force for such tiny droplets.

It didn’t take more than a few seconds for you to get soaking wet in these conditions, but you pushed through and kept running. You didn’t know where– it was late, and no one you knew would be willing to take you in at this hour.

You jumped down the stairs to the ground floor, but that was as far as you could get before your knees finally gave up and caused your body to collapse to the concrete pavement, getting scraped against its rough surface.

You were in an awkward position, but you didn’t care. You were cold, you were wet, but most importantly… you were alone.

At least there was a positive side to that. You curled up, now being free to sob out all the pain that had piled up on you out to the distance. Your face became a mess of tears and snot, as the uncertainty of the situation dawned upon you.

“I can’t sleep on the streets… I’ve already been a burden to everyone, but I have to find someone, anyone…”

You had absolutely nothing, except for the clothes on your back and your phone in your pocket. Getting under the relative safety of a pillar, you decided to make use of that phone as you went through your contacts, pondering your slim set of options.

You remembered that there was one person who lived close enough to Kuroo, and this person was Kenma. Your fingers shook as you debated internally whether to press the call button or not. Kenma was the kind of person who was known for his preferences for being alone, and being sort of aloof towards others. 

It wasn’t likely that he would take you in, but the chance of him accepting was still there. At this point, you were ready to take any chance you got.

Trying not to drop your phone, you decided to take a risk and call Kenma. You put it on speaker and heard as the phone rang one time, two times…

Your phone provider would automatically drop a call if there wasn’t an answer by the fifth ring. The device’s battery was quite low as well, so if Kenma did not pick up, you truly would be stranded.

And so, you sat there awaiting your fate. Each ring, although lasting only a few seconds, stretched out for an eternity.

Would Kenma pick up? Would he not pick up?

Whichever one of the two happened, the little flame of hope left in your heart lay in his place… any place that was away from Kuroo.

“It really did turn out to be the person I loved most who ended up hurting me the deepest…” You thought alone to yourself, waiting as the phone rang and rang into the distance…

[skiller0dani]

Secrets | Part 3

M A S T E R L I S T Other Masterlist Harry Potter Masterlist

smut | shy!hufflepuff!reader requests info w.c | 3.9k summary | You begin to discover that moving on from Sebastian isn't as easy as you thought it would be.

This was always meant to be more of a Sebastian story, but Garreth is having a bigger role than I expected. Oops lmao but that's why this might seem Sebastian-biased. It was always intended to be a reader x Seb story. Who knows how the story will evolve as I write it though! I never plan the parts ahead of time, I usually just wing it when I sit down at my computer.

I know some of you wanted this to be slower, but I didn't plan on this being longer than 4 maybe 5 parts (knowing me it will be lmao). Perhaps I'll write a slow burn Sebastian story in the future, this was never going to be long enough for that. I hope you still enjoy this anyway!

Song This Song too lol

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4

The worst part about a breakup is catching yourself falling into old habits that you don't need anymore. Like how you only realize you don't need to go to the Slytherin common room before lessons when you're already halfway there. Or that you don't need to grab an extra muffin at breakfast because Sebastian slept in again. Taking notes twice in Defense Against the Dark Arts, unnecessary. Reaching for his hand in the hallway only to remember he isn't there hurts more than you'd care to admit. You could feel Sebastian's eyes on you sometimes, whenever he was actually at school. According to Ominis, Sebastian has spent a lot of time disappearing from the castle and leaving the grounds altogether. Not that you were asking about Sebastian, you were just...making conversation.

You tried not to worry about him, after what he lied to you about. You tried not to even think about him at all, because when you did you thought about Solomon Sallow. Thought about Sebastian killing him, thought about his poor sister who was all alone now. Thought about how Sebastian kept this from you for the entire 18 months you two were together. He pursued the Dark Arts, taught himself the Unforgivable Curses and used them. All of them! Thinking about it made you want to cry all over again, made your stomach twist and turn. You felt so angry, heat and rage engulfing you at the mere mention of Sebastian's name. Beneath the anger is sadness unlike anything you've ever known. You feel like your heart has been crushed, left in pieces and you have to dig them out and put them back together. You didn't even know how.

Garreth helped, you spent all your free time with him, like you used to before you and Sebastian got together and he practically banned all contact with Garreth. Now you know why. Sebastian knew Garreth would tell you the truth, he knew Garreth would do what he couldn't. Sebastian felt threatened by Garreth, that much was obvious. Oddly enough, Garreth seemed threatened by Sebastian too. You mostly helped him with his potions, the two of you spent a lot of time wandering the castle grounds looking for ingredients. Which is where you found yourself currently, slowly strolling the grounds. Fall was in full swing, the leaves slowly turning orange and falling from barren branches. The wind had a cool edge to it, slowly sweeping in winter.

"You think Leaping Toadstools would be easier to find...seeing as they're leaping and all..." Garreth complained, his eyes scanning the ground for the red caps of the mushrooms. Your shoulder was pressed against his, your cheeks tinted pink from the chill. Neither of you mentioned when you kissed him...but you thought about it more than you cared to admit. You were beginning to think about him more often as well, your mind drifting to places it hadn't been since before Sebastian. You hate that this happened. That moments in your life are now categorized as 'before Sebastian' and 'after Sebastian'. You never wanted there to be an after.

"Perhaps they shrivel in the cold. Or simply burrow further..." You muse, the grounds were oddly bare of Leaping Toadstools. They usually gave you quite a fright- leaping out when you least expected it. Now you couldn't hear the thump thump thump of their enthusiastic leaps.

"What do you need them for anyway?"

"They have a powerful healing property, along with other effects. I'm hoping to dilute them into a new drink I'm making." Garreth explained, his eyes lighting up suddenly.

"Aha! Gotcha." He smiled victoriously as he pulled a few Toadstools from the ground, tossing them into the bag he brought along. You felt the cold breeze now that Garreth had knelt down, his body heat had kept you at a comfortable temperature.

"C'mere, I'm cold." You whined, bringing a smile to his face.

"Patience, brilliance takes time." Garreth retorted, making you laugh.

"Brilliance? Anybody can pull Toadstools. It'll take more to impress me I'm afraid." You tease, feigning an unimpressed tone.

"Yeah? Guess I'll have to make such an amazing drink, you'll be begging me for more." Garreth rose to his feet then, his green eyes a shade darker as he looked down at you. Your cheeks flushed, though you didn't know if it was from the cold or his close proximity. His chest was nearly touching yours, and there was this look in his eyes. It made butterflies erupt beneath your skin. Yours and Garreth's friendship had this new dynamic that was different than before...this tension. It wasn't something you were protesting however.

"It'll take quite a lot to make me beg Weasley." You fired back, slightly breathless as your eyes glanced down at his lips for a second.

"I'm never one to shy away from a challenge." Garreth shot back, playfulness gleaming in his eyes before he briefly glances over your shoulder. He's angry with himself as soon as he does because he knows you'll follow his gaze. Sure enough you look behind you and your eyes land on Sebastian, who was walking through the main gates from beyond the castle grounds. You take a step away from Garreth subconsciously, your gaze not leaving Sebastian. Sebastian's eyes meet yours, but he looks away just as quickly. He kept his gaze on the ground, he seemed different. Utterly defeated. It crushed him to see you with Garreth, but he usually saw you with him more often than not.

You almost wanted Sebastian to lash out, to yell at Garreth, to break something, to do something Sebastian would do. But this? Slumped shoulders, and not even a word spoken to either of you? He's completely given up, and you wanted him to at the very least fight for you. But he isn't. He's accepting your choice, which you should be grateful for. But it's just so unlike him, so unlike the man you fell for. The man who isn't afraid to defy the law to fight for the people he loves. Where did that man go? Garreth watched your eyes linger on Sebastian as he walked into the castle and he grit his teeth. It's been weeks and you were no closer to letting Sallow go than the day you kissed him in the Gryffindor common room. He knew this would take time, knew that when you fell you fell hard. He just needs to give you more time, your heart was opening up to him day by day.

"Ready?" Garreth asked after a few more moments of silence. You quickly nodded, following Garreth back inside to his potions station in the Potions Classroom. Luckily Professor Sharpe was seen making his way to Hogsmeade so you wouldn't have to think of a way to get rid of him. He didn't exactly appreciate Garreth's creations being brewed in the classroom. Actually he probably didn't want Garreth to brew them at all. The castle was cozy and warm when you entered, and the heels on your shoes clicked softly on the marble flooring. You were ashamed to admit this, even to yourself, but you scanned every face you passed. Hoping you'd see Sebastian, hoping he would stop you and Garreth. Hoping you could yell at him, and that he would still be standing there after you did.

But you didn't see him, because he never waited. Never confronted Garreth, never tried to talk to you. It made you so angry, did you really mean so little to him? Were you just a piece of ass for him? Someone he can say he conquered? Another notch carved on his bedpost?

"...you in there?" You heard Garreth's voice then, looking at you with concern. Maybe pity. Had he said something to you?

"Yes. Sorry." You apologize sheepishly as you make your way down the hallway to Potions. You follow him to his table, and sit down on one of the stools as Garreth drops the bag he was holding onto the floor. He turns the burners beneath the cauldron on, letting it warm before he turns to you.

"What's got you in your head so much?" He asks softly, his worried eyes on you. His gaze was making you feel all hot and tingly.

"Sebastian." You said honestly, much to Garreth's dismay. He was hoping the more time you spent with him the less you'd think about Sallow. You really are under his spell. Garreth was trying to be understanding, and maybe he was just biased because of how deeply he dislikes Sebastian.

"Eventually, you won't think of him at all. Just give it more time, you're heart is still healing." Garreth says gently, turning back to face the cauldron once the water starts to bubble. That's what you're afraid of, that someday Sebastian won't even cross your mind when once he was your everything. You have a hard time letting people go.

"I hope so. I just want to feel okay again." You say softly, and Garreth hums in agreement. An idea hits him then, perhaps this is you extending an olive branch.

"Speaking of which...I was wondering if you wanted to accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend. We could go to the Three Broomsticks, get some sweets at Honeydukes. I'll buy you anything you like." Garreth tries to play it off casually, but you can see the blush dusting over his cheeks.

"Like...a date?" You ask for clarification, your heart thumping heavily in your chest. You feel a rush of excitement shoot up your spine, and you try to keep the smile off your face.

"Yeah, like a date." He confirms, throwing you a smile that makes your insides melt. You feel the tension growing in the room, it's nearly suffocating. You wished Garreth would just touch you, the way Sebastian had. Like how Sebastian ran his hands over your bare skin, how he pressed his lips against your-

Why are you thinking about Sebastian?

"I-I'd love to go on a date with you." You say, suddenly feeling bashful. You want to kiss Garreth so badly its nearly consuming you, but you don't want to rush things for him. You don't want to rush things for yourself. He had a point when he turned you down that day...your heart is still trying to heal from Sebastian. You might just be emotional and confused, and you're still thinking of Sebastian. Even now, the very moment you agreed to go on a date with Garreth.

"Great! I'll meet you outside your common room after lessons on Friday." Garreth beamed, and you couldn't fight the smile as it made it's way onto your face.

You know what Sebastian would say if he knew what you were doing. You knew the look he would give you, arms crossed with one brow raised. You used to take night walks all the time before you started dating Sebastian! You knew how to bat your eyelashes at the prefects, and you knew which prefects harbored a crush on you. You knew of these roses that had begun to grow just outside the castle grounds, and you thought they'd made the perfect base for a blush. You weren't one for makeup but your date with Garreth was this weekend and you wanted to give makeup a try. So after Garreth had said goodnight, you waited until he was far enough away and snuck out of the castle and into the night.

Though, in hindsight, that may not have been the wisest decision.

Perhaps Sebastian was so protective because he knew of the dangers that lurked beyond the castle grounds. Clearly he'd had more run ins with danger than you previously anticipated. Maybe if Sebastian hadn't gone and screwed everything up, you wouldn't be off wandering a little too close to the edge of the Forbidden Forest. You blame all of this on him, and you hate yourself for still loving him. The moon was shining brightly overhead as you searched the prickly rose bush for the reddest rose, you needed the color for your rogue to be perfect. Maybe if you hadn't been so enthralled you would have heard the twigs snap in front of you. Maybe you would have seen the dark silhouette looming in the trees.

"Look what we got here boys..." You hear a voice say, making you jump. You feel a sickening chill run down your spine as 3 dark figures emerge from the trees. Poachers, you recognize the leather jackets they're wearing. You glance behind you, the castle is still in sight, but too far away to run to. You'd never make it. You raise your wand, you know the defensive spells but have never actually had to use them. The roses in your hands drop to the ground, your entire body is shaking.

"You're out late, breaking the rules naughty girl?" One says, his teeth yellow and his breath reeking of booze. You skin crawled when he said naughty girl. The sultry tone made you feel sick, you could see their eyes raking your figure up and down.

"Was j-just about to head back. Goodnight gentlemen!" You say hurriedly, keeping your tone light and polite so as not to offend or enrage them. You try to hurry past them, hoping they let you leave.

They don't.

"Where are you going in such a hurry? Don't care for our company?" Another man asks, taller than the other one.

"N-Not at all, I don't want the prefects to notice-"

"To notice what, love? That you're a dirty slut who likes to tease older men?" The shortest of the three says, his voice low and his pupils blown. You felt sick with the way he spoke to you, and panic was slowly taking hold of you. What would Sebastian do if he were here? Show them no fear and attack first, probably. Unfortunately for you, you were nothing like Sebastian. Your palms were shaking as you glanced over your shoulder, the only thing behind you was the Forbidden Forest. You were sure to die if you tried to escape through there.

One man grabs your wrist, yanking you against his body. You scream, fighting and thrashing against him. He reaches up and slaps you hard, your cheek splitting open just under your eye. He sneers at you, clearly entertained by the terror on your face. You feel tears pushing at your eyes, leaning away from him as he begins to inch his face closer to yours.

"Stop! Let me go!" You're yelling and crying, watching with panicked eyes as the other 3 men slowly close the circle around you. You squeeze your eyes shut, willing this to be over. For them to let you go.

"Confringo!" You hear someone shout, and the 3 men are blasted off you. Fire ignites their clothing as they scramble away from you, and you nearly cry from relief when you see Sebastian quickly yanking you behind him.

"S-Sebastian!" You cry, your hands instantly grasping onto the back of his robes.

"Mind telling me what you're doing out here, dove?" Sebastian asks incrediously, his shoulders rigid as he uses his body to shield yours.

"T-Trying to make blush!" You squeak as the 3 men rise to their feet, fury in their eyes.

"You've got to be kidding. Blush?" Sebastian asks, exasperated. The shortest of the men got burned worse than the others so he turns and hightails it as soon as he's on his feet. The other 2 look Sebastian right in the eyes, their wands raised.

"Stand back sweetheart, let me deal with them." Sebastian orders and you don't hesitate to follow his instructions. You press yourself against one of the trees, standing at a safe distance with your heart lodged in your throat.

"Bombarda!" One man shouts, an explosion bursting from the tip of his wand.

"Protego, Stupefy!" Sebastian is quick to send the blast back at him, sending the tall man flying backwards. Luckily these men are all drunk, and while they were itching to pick a fight they weren't exactly in the best condition to do so.

"Confringo!" Sebastian yells, sending a blast of fire at the last man who turns and runs after his friends with his britches still on fire. With the immediate danger gone, Sebastian turns to you again.

"Are you alright?" He's distant, won't meet your eye. His shoulders are still slumped, and there's a hollow look in his eyes. You nod, feeling adrenaline rushing through you. Your entire body is thrumming with anxiety and this tremendous need. He eyes the cut on your cheek, reaching up to gently wipe away blood before it runs down your cheek.

"Y-Yes." You stammer, slowly gravitating towards him when you hear sounds coming from the forest.

"Risking your life for blush eh? What's the special occasion?" Sebastian is making small talk, he knows you're still angry with him. You've spent the last 4 weeks completely ignoring him, you're just scared. Which is why you're opening up to him now.

"D-Date with Garreth!" You rush out before you have a chance to remember who you're talking to. His jaw locks.

"Oh."

"Sorry." You say instantly, sometimes you're too nice for your own good. You suddenly remember that Sebastian killed someone, he explored the Dark Arts. He almost lost himself to Dark Magic and worst of all he lied to you about it. You feel rage simmering under your skin, your palms twitching.

Slap!

Your palm makes contact before you realize you even moved at all. You see a red palm mark on his cheek, but he doesn't look angry. He looks sad, which is how he usually looks these days.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I even did that!" You explain hurriedly, but Sebastian shrugs you off.

"It's okay. I deserve it." He says softly, his eyes briefly meeting yours. He's right, he does deserve it. That doesn't mean you want to hurt him, that's not who you are. You still feel your body shaking with adrenaline, can feel it coursing through your body making you squirmy and an uncomfortable heat to surge through you. You eye Sebastian as you take a step closer to him, your body thrumming with energy. You've never been in danger like that before. Never seen Sebastian fight anybody before other than a duel in the hallway. It was...hot. His cheeks were slightly flushed, one still red from your palm. His lips were parted, his eyes downcast as if he were afraid to make eye contact.

Perhaps Sebastian had rubbed off on you, perhaps he awakened an animal inside you that day in the Undercroft. Perhaps you wanted to slap him, kiss him, and then slap him again. Perhaps you just might.

"What are you oomph-" Sebastian is cut off when you fiercely press your lips against his, taking him entirely by surprise. Your lips move hungrily against his, your arms winding around his shoulders while he holds tightly around your waist, crushing your body against his. You kiss him with an intense need, your lips moving against his. You part for air briefly before pressing your mouth against his once more, desperation driving you. You're angry with him, so angry you can feel it burning beneath your skin. You feel so deeply betrayed, and you don't know if you'll ever forgive him. Luckily for you, you don't need to forgive him in order to kiss him. Sebastian will happily take any contact you give him, anything at all is better than the icy nothing you've been giving him the last few weeks.

"Been needing you Seb, needing you to make me come." You whisper against his lips making him groan as he gently presses your back against one of the large trunks of the tree.

"Thought you hated me." He says against your lips.

"I do." You confirm, your hands pulling desperately at his belt. Your words sting, and he would be lying if he said they didn't crush him. But he deserves it. Deserves every ounce of anger you have and more.

"Please touch me, do something. Please." You beg breathlessly and instantly Sebastian is dropping to his knees before you. He'll do anything to earn your forgiveness. Anything. Before you can comprehend what he's doing, he's throwing your legs over his shoulders to hold your entire weight as your feet dangle off the ground. Your back is still against the tree and you feel a heartbeat from between your legs as you gaze lustfully down at Sebastian.

He's turned you into an animal.

Sebastian pulls your panties to the side before leaning forward, instantly latching his mouth onto your cunt. He buries his face into you, his tongue already lapping at you and drawing sweet moans from your mouth. One of your hands winds tightly into his hair and the other reaches up to find purchase against the tree.

"Oh fuck, S-Seb don't stop." You whine, and Sebastian swears you've never looked more beautiful. You grind your hips against his face, shamlessly using him for your pleasure. You've been so pent up the last few weeks and you couldn't as easily jump Garreth's bones. You tried, and he said to slow down. You feel guilt prickling at you when you remember your date with him in a few days, and you're here with your ex-boyfriends head between your legs and you're whining and begging for more.

Sebastian suckles your clit, his tongue licking long stripes from your entrance to your clit before he circles it with his tongue. He continues the motions that make your heels dig into his back, continues to flick his tongue against your clit, causing you to yank on his hair as your orgasm approaches. Sebastian moans against you, his eyes closed and he looks like he's in absolute heaven between your legs. You grind against his mouth as your orgasm builds, and Sebastian lets you use him. He wants you to use him, its far better than not having you at all.

"G-Gonna come Seb, don't stop. Don't you d-dare stop." You warn weakly as you moan softly. Sebastian smiles against your folds, which are puffy and glistening with your slick. He's gonna be nursing a hard on the entire way back to the Undercroft, where he's been sleeping every single night. He continues to swirl his tongue against your heat, dipping it inside and making you come instantaneously. You release all over his face, and he makes sure to lap up every drop until you're shaking and convulsing. Sebastian carefully places your legs back on the ground, his hands holding your sides to help you stand on wobbly legs.

Slap!

Your palm makes contact with his other cheek, and Sebastian looks both stunned and turned on as he turns his worried gaze back to you. He looks almost afraid you'll hit him again, you just might.

"I hate you." You spit at him, readjusting your skirt and heading back towards the castle, leaving a confused Sebastian behind. He realizes at once that he brings out the absolute worst in you, but you bring out the best in him.

"Are you alright?" Garreth asks you the next morning as he walks you to lessons. Your mind had been drifting, he could see it. Could see the dazed look on your face, the faraway look in your eyes. You hug your books to your chest, a blush searing hot on your cheeks. You're certainly not going to tell Garreth you had been thinking about Sebastian's head between your thighs last night, or that you were wondering how long you would last until you caved and sought him out again. Your eyes caught Sebastian's as you turned for Charms, but you quickly glanced back at Garreth.

"Yep, fine!"

TAGLIST: @weezley @eddiemunson4ever @idcabouttumbl @saturnawa @valyrra @cerulione @dilucente @riokunova @theknightssecrets @rinascere-di-fiore @sallowapologist @kaixoly @cosmicmadwoman @turnip-milk @tarirose

[uncleasad]

Spent some time this afternoon tweaking the description of the very special cameo character from another fandom in Chapter 2 to hopefully make the character more readily identifiable. I’ve now got face shape, skin color, hair color, hairstyle, and eye color…hopefully that’s enough!

I feel like I’m now ready to stop tinkering with this chapter and post…but Friday is TheDarkestHour13/Such Is Our Fate day in the Hosie tag, and I don’t know that I want to post anywhere in that window? So maybe Sunday?

Also, because @evilpenguinrika and @shadowhuntermama are such good influences (or should it be influencers? 😏), I started thinking about prequel one-shots that could cover some of the stuff that showed up as backstory in Chapter 1. Dunno where in time I might begin, but some ideas so far are:

Hope and Josie in childhood/teens

The end of high school/breakup of the friendship

The end of Hope’s relationship with Roman and Josie’s wedding

Timing Sucks, starring Hope and Josie, maybe paired with…

The end of Hope and Josie’s relationship

I really have no idea for 1 or 2 beyond what’s mentioned in Chapter 1 and coming in Chapter 2, basically a line or two. For 3, we get a little bit more info, and I have a decent read on their emotions, so it’d be much easier to start there. 4 is kinda an important element in their lives/relationship, but I think it’d be painful to write and maybe boring to read… Dunno. But that’s where my thoughts are about potential prequels. (Sequels? 🤫)

[akookminsupporter]

Thank you for answering, it's nice to see someone else agree with me and actually have a small conversation about these issues :)

And you're right, when I sent the ask I was very frustrated and didn't even think about the competition between members... But that's also a thing yeah.

"Now that drug is not constant, they need to satiate that need anyway, that's why many don't mind sharing and spreading videos or pictures of the guys in their free time or their private life." That's a really interesting way of putting it and I think you worded it perfectly. I didn't really think about what caused this big influx of people spreading their private info more - I didn't want to get into it, I always thought it was Mostly due to the new fans. There are of course old fans who have alsways done this and will continue to do it, but as I said, I didn't really do (or want to) research on why they are so horrible to the boys. But I think you explained it really well.

And regarding them smoking or drinking... We are not their mothers to tell them what to do 🤷‍♀️ And I think everyone who spends more than 2 seconds of "oh he's drinking/smoking, that's bad but whatever it's his life" on this, then they need to fucking go outside. Seriously. Go outside. See how many fucking people drink and smoke. You'd be surprised. Let's not even talk about them having sex because that's obviously harder to prove (Jesus I hope nobody proves it with physical proof), but yeah. They do have sex. Get over it. I blame kpop all together for these issues because they also try to brainwash fans into believing their idols are pure and perfect as you said: they don't drink, they don't curse, don't smoke, don't have sex. And maybe the 15 year olds that they debut nowadays really don't smoke or have sex. But we are talking about 26-30 year old men so lmao And Namjoon has been hinting a lot that he has gone through breakups . But of course nobody watches actual content from the boys themselves :) *sarcasm * (that's also why I think people spread the jungkook pictures so much: we literally saw his e-cigarette (?) or whatever its called a few months ago in a live but since only fans watch that, nobody gave a fuck)

Anyway. I agree with everything you said and you really worded it better than I could have. A lot of people I follow always pray for 2025 to come faster (bts coming back whenever) so that these people would leave. And my question is: do you think they would? Considering now that Jin is coming back in June and there is a possibility some of the maknae line won't leave until early 2024 (this is my guess only!) that gives us a few months between the last one leaving and the first one coming back. If they have enough content, both the fandom and solos can survive those 4-5 months. Idk about how much causal fans interact with the fandom, I guess there will always be someone who will leave because they get bored. But do you think there is a possibility at least SOME people will move on? Preferably the bad ones?

Not between members but between their Solo stans.

This may be the last time I talk about this because it really is a non-issue but I don't understand what the big deal is about them smoking or drinking alcohol or having romantic/sexual relationships. Those are normal things that everyone or most of the world's population does almost every day, so why would people expect those 7 men in their twenties not to do it too. The expectations that many have of these men are absurdly unrealistic and it's frustrating that they don't realise it.

A lot of people I follow always pray for 2025 to come faster (bts coming back whenever) so that these people would leave. And my question is: do you think they would?

But do you think there is a possibility at least SOME people will move on? Preferably the bad ones?

I really don't think so. I don't think they will. I think some will go into hibernation and others will pretend that nothing happened and that they didn't say anything stupid. Others will continue to behave in the same way, pretending to be an independent city within the huge country called ARMY.

[zondearts]

ZONDEARRTTS‼️‼️ DROP MORE INFO ABOUT THE PJSK WOF AU, AND MY LIFE IS YOURS

I funnily enough already made an introductory infodump here on my prsk account (I suggest reading that one first if you haven't :Vc)

But since More info was asked of, I'll take the opportunity to just do that >:3c

Going with the one thing my first dump avoided: Story

The wof au admittedly has a less developed story than my Wolf au, since the first is mainly an art project and the second a writing project. Still there's enough to share

The general gist is that a worldwar has started, because of the Sandwing Succession (like in the first arc) That thing has been going on for a bit less than in the books, i.e the first Nightwing tunnel has just been made, the arena is still new and flawed (hence the Great Escape) and the Mudwings had freshly broken their alliance to the Seawings (I barely see any talk on this, but Queen coral mentioned it in her very reputable scroll "How the Seawings ended the Great War and saved the world!" and who wouldn't trust her writing?)

There is no prophecy (Tsunami would be so happy lmao), but there's an antiwar movement like the Talons of Peace, called Sekai (I want to turn it into an acronym of sorts, but I haven't figured it out (sob))

Leoneed

Leoneeds is a mixed group of dragonets who grew up in the desert together. When the war started there was an issue with the Tenma Clan (who ownes the oasis) not showing allyship to one of the warring princesses. Especially while having a Mudwing and even an Icewing princess as close friends. Naturally hostility grew and Bole left the group out of fear, followed by Snowhare, who returned to Icekingdom.

A bit before the breakup, so around the start of the war, Fennec has fallen majorly ill. But she recovered a solid while after Snowhares departure and immediately took chase (with Star of course) Although Icekingdom is closer to the Tenma Oasis they decided that going to Mud Kingdom first would be safer. There they stumble across ln Miku (Glimmeringfate? idk yet, the loid name list is still spotty), who for the lack of a better word adopted them. She brought them to a Sekai hideout, there me brain stops :(

(the Leoneed art also stops here, although the drawing of Ichisaki meeting Migu was scrapped :/ Might redraw it when I reach the third rotation, but that could either happen in winter or next year (when my brain's still shackled to this project lmao))

The Leonieloids are all Sekai members

More More Jump!

There's not that much of a story here. I am so sorry mmj fandom (I say to the mirror)

Still there are some things I can mention :<

The general gist was: Veterans uniting to bring hope to the war ridden land.

I had some thoughts around their involvement with Sekai, but I can't find them :'3 The unsure voice in my head says it was that they made some reformation efforts, so probably something like that, mixed with encounters from the past like with Arisa (oh that would actually be so cool, wait woah Woah (<- the curse grows stronger))

Mmjloids are all Sekai members aswell. Most have history with the blorbos, so Otter and Meiko, Penguin and Miku, Finch and Rin/Len and Thaw with Aurora (Luka)

VBS

The kiddos are in the arena (I hopefully established lmao). Together they scheme another escape. An escape that'll surpass the great escape by RaDder i.e ending arena battles ones for all. They were quite successful in finding more and more allies, but due to circumstances they had to escape on their own, leaving the arena as it was. They went up finding RaDder in a Sekai hangout. And with them they plan a way to not only stop the Arena battles, but also overthrow Chimera (although those are inherently connected. Like the arena battles would have remained if Scarlett stayed ruler yk?)

All Vbsloids are Sekai members/affiliated, most joined the organization with RaDder. Dromedar (Vbs Luka) is more of an honorary member, since she mainly works as a merchant.

Wxs

Well my previous dump already mentioned that the clown troop is simply put: Sun trying to find Fennec, with the rest hanging around +sidemissions...so many sidemissions. I always thought of their part in the au story as "Villain of the week" style, focusing more on their relationships and all the conflicts those may have. They also are the only group not really affiliated with Sekai. Most of the Loids are Rainwings for that reason (not to mention that the snorting crack Sekailoids are naturally part of the snorting crack tribe. You can't look at catgirl Migu and tell me she's not a Rainwing)

There is something noteworthy around Directors animus abilities. I can't imagine Rui Kamishiro not falling into a Stonemover like "My magic causes harm. I'm a horrible monster deserving of solitude" mentality. (not to mention he's essentially the Stonemover of the au)

Niigo

Niigo I had some thoughts. We have the common Mafumom debacle, although that's more of a... gradually overtaking the kingdom through your animus daughter thing, than the canon "My child will be a doctor" conflict.

I think niigo would have somewhat decent hangouts, till Oyster (niigo Miku who's the Seawing princess) finds Siren to check up on Jellyfish. During that meeting Siren sees a vision of Oyster being killed by Jellyfish. Something that naturally unsettles the local "I bring death and doom" believer. Especially since Jellyfish has kept her goodest girliest behavior for the entire time.

Therefore investigations starts! Now we have the all too common question of "What is the cause of this seawing animus massacre?"

Is it

1. The loss of a soul!

or

2. The highly abusive environment

....

Well Charming and Kite at first believe 1. for self-loathing and prejudiced reasons. But gradually Kelps (Mafumoms name... that's why Jellyfish was depicted swimming in a Kelp forest) influences come clear and through some events which I... actually will keep hidden in case I do something with em...they lead from the mafumom conundrum to my beloved Mizuena dilemma.

The gang leaves the island, but before that Charming has to use an enchantment. That naturally hints at them being an animus.

And how most Mizukis'll do in the case of an upcoming outing, Charming runs. Or more flies, although they're a Rainwing, so we could say they disappeared.

In the niigo Story Sekai is involved, Lionfish (Niigo Rin) who is Oysters bodyguard is affiliated with Sekai for the sake of her brother Seahorse (niigoLen). Also Barakuda (niigoKaito) who's the Seawing queens brother and niigo Luka, although she is more of an honorary... not really honorary... member. Mangrove (niigo Meiko) is a Rain/Mudwing spy :Vc

I could talk more, but...I think I worked on this dump for over 5h (with glee I must say)

There's still a lot to yap about (we haven't yet reached the succulent hyperniche spot) but it's a bit more of the general gist (and I think we now caught up with what the folks on insta know)

[imaginespazzi]

Hi hi hi!

Reporting live and procrastinating responsibilities :). So heres my rundown, pretty much matchy matchy w yours, naturally: Generally the video vibes almost 💯 fit with the allegations 🙃. Please bear w the rambling thoughts in no particular order. Im not sure how one could possibly cohesively recap ALL THAT lol. Ok it blows my mind how much they personally had to catch up on w one another! God damn babes, you havent talked much if at all in nearly a month. Again it screams that there was more of a relationship (ending poorly).. Even friends moving apart prob wouldve had more contact over that time. Sometimes I wonder how they dont realize what they reveal by what they leave ~unsaid/not explained! Though G’s “really bad breakup” comment felt weighted given their situation. To me much of the injury discussion came across as carry over from the In The Mirror. With G making a point to say nice things (good memories of playing together;tearing up when Liz got hurt; not being wholly herself as a player w/out Kitley;the frustration at team reaction after the game following the injury; belief that Liz will recover/be drafted etc.). And G’s words still feel to me like a way of her dealing with some guilt which she cant quite yet express or process. Especially considering her adding stuff about being w the Kitley fam lately and helping move Liz’s stuff ha. If a person ever questioned something going down between L&G, I’ll say alarm bells went off when L described her night following the injury and staying over w Cayla. In such a low moment, poor girlie really couldnt manage being at her own place thats shared w one of her closest pals. Ooof. However, on the whole, they sounded more comfortable at times than I expected. In fact the convo sometimes got surprisingly open and loose - gals dont tell me that we had a bit of liquid courage before recording. ;) And it did stand out to me that L asked the “fans” on multiple occasions to just be decent and grateful for what they had + be understanding of decision making under the situation, but stopped short of telling people to leave G alone (which, given everything we’re led to believe, fair play hun). My big takeaway was that they seem to be taking this time of big adjustment as also a new beginning to possibly recover a friendship. Clearly theres still issues to work thru, but perhaps theyve reached a more settled/amicable place? Or at least were just able to deal w each other long enough to provide us all w a semi closure pod 😐. But heres hoping for more future content, as they hinted at! Oh and as someone who works w/in college athletics, I was very sympathetic to their comments throughout re change. Its a crazy industry, stuff happens in the blink of an eye and you do just have to deal with that ish. The harsh reality of the current state of things is that one rarely gets a neat, happy closure.

Happy Sunday to you bestie, hope its fantastic! -☕️

Reporting live and procrastinating is so real, like me asf fr fr.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. Like they seemed so out of the loop when it came to each other's life and that's just so weird to me? I mean I get it could just be regular friends drifting but that wasn't the ~vibe~ at all to me and maybe again it's the allegations bias but it was just very much giving exes.

Hardcore agree with the Georgia stuff because I thought some of what she was saying felt a bit like an overcompensation, an apology of sorts to make up in a way for anything else that *might* have happened. Honestly Georgia being so nice, no shade, doesn't really fit the dynamic from before where sometimes Georgia's snark was just mean to me really.

Every new bit of info/content, I just continue to feel terrible for Liz. And I think her staying at Cayla's really gave away the depth of how much has happened between her and Georgia. And again yeah it could be a friend breakup but it just feel a little too serious for that.

Obviously I don't know a timeline, if there even is one, but this podcast gave me the vibes that if they were together, it's actually been a decent while since they broke up and are now in a place where they can co-exist in an amicable manner. I don't know if we'll ever get another podcast or if they'll actually be able to be in a genuine friendship again but I think they're in a good enough place and I do love that for them.

[biblicalhorror]

Zaylor Midnights, Part II

And we're back! If you haven't yet, please peruse the disclaimers I covered in Part 1.

Let's jump right in!

8. Vigilante Shit

Here's where we start to get some more Catwoman vibes on this album.

"Cat eye sharp enough to kill a man"

Also some generic Gaylor lyrics:

"I don't dress for women / I don't dress for men" Oh so you're bisexual? Okay got it. Case closed.

"Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife"

Also the implication she fucked Scooters wife is too funny to not mention. She loves a divorcée ;)

9. Bejeweled

Initially I was fully prepared to write this one off as a song about Jake or John or even Calvin and therefore irrelevant to Toë, but holy crap is this MV gay as hell.

Opening, of course, with the scene where Laura Dern satirizes the concept that a proposal from a prince being "the best thing a girl could hope to achieve"

Note this Kravitz quote from the earlier GQ article:

We'll come back to this later.

Anyway, Taylor plays Cinderella in this music video, who rejects the proposal from the prince (played by Jack Antonoff, who has the same initials as Joe Alwyn), impresses the Princess (played by Zoë Kravitz) with her burlesque routine she learned from queer burlesque icon Dita Von Teese, and ends up taking the castle for herself.

Basically, another song that has nothing to do with Zoë but is extremely gay (in context of the music video, at least)

10. Labyrinth

I go back and forth on this song. I've heard other people theorize that it's about trying to end a relationship and then falling back in love with the same person again, which I think is a totally valid interpretation. It could be that.

However! It sounds to me like it's about the feeling of finding yourself falling for someone new and your traumatized brain is so focused on what could go wrong that you get completely ahead of yourself and start mourning a relationship that hasn't even started yet. Taylor is a Cancer moon, which is a moon sign that is deeply introspective and retrospective. The "labyrinth of my mind" could be referring to the twists and turns her mind takes to convince her that every relationship will end in catastrophe based on the way past relationships have panned out. Past becomes present becomes future in this song. Maybe it's about finding her connection with Zoë after the fallout from a Karlie or Lily breakup? Maybe Joe cheated on her and she found comfort in the arms of Zoë and they became a polyamorous couple? Who knows.

11. Karma

EDIT: I've found some articles claiming Zoë is a songwriter on this one and others that do not mention her. I believe there was initially a mistake on the Apple Music pre-release info, so for now we'll say she's not in a fact a cowriter for this song.

Taylor Swift clearly has a complicated relationship to gender and womanhood. Many of her friends called her "king" in their 2021 birthday posts:

In Dear Reader, she explicitly refers to herself as a "cursed man."

Queer women also tend to have complicated relationships with gender due to heteropatriarchal society. Some lesbians and queer women use he/him or they/them pronouns for any myriad of personal reasons. It's not too far-fetched that these women could possibly call each other by male pronouns/adjectives sometimes.

Zoë had this interview where she talks about High Fidelity, identifying more with male roles because they're often written to be more complex and nuanced due to misogyny in film/tv, and how passionate she is about how "women can be fuckboys, too"

"Karma is my boyfriend" but also "Karma is a queen" >>> "Karma" is both genders and neither gender. (Note: Zoë has a tattoo of a crown on her finger)

"Sweet like honey, Karma is a cat" First of all, that's pussy babe

Also, these two stone cold weirdos apparently have the same method acting technique:

"Flexing like a goddamn acrobat, me and karma vibe like that"

What else could "flexing like a goddamn acrobat" refer to other than Zoë playing a superhero famous for her acrobatics (and/or Taylor being in Cats (2019))

these two weird Sagittarius girls love to simply vibe together as cats or otherwise

"Karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me"

Not "Catwoman of my dreams" but "CAT WOMAN OF DREAMS" this girl is horny as hell and loves dreaming about women

Sweet like JUSTICE = another batman reference, of course

12. Sweet Nothing

Written by William Bowery who we think could be Zoë

Zoë also lived in London from 2020-2021, she could possibly have gone on holiday to Wicklow (in Ireland) after filming for The Batman wrapped

Taylor made her meals throughout covid isolation and a birthday dinner in December of 2020. Nice to Have a Friend in your pods with you, huh ladies?

Also, remember when Zoë crossed the picket line for the Oscar's party and then made a "joke" about the Will Smith situation being uncivilized? This is a song about a couple of out-of-touch insanely rich girlies who just Can't Be Bothered and also happen to be in love

Speaking of which, if this is in fact a song about Joe Alwyn, it's a (pretty) lie. "All that you ever wanted from me was nothing." Being in a relationship with Taylor has gotten him movie/tv roles, a Grammy, etc. He's gained so many accolades just by being associated with Taylor. If he doesn't want any of that, why does she keep jeapordizing her own image as an artist to get him awards? Zoë likely genuinely wants nothing from Taylor because she's been famous her entire life. She doesn't need Taylor to pull any strings for her to get roles or accolades.

13. Mastermind

This song is Taylor being very tongue-in-cheek about how this lover she's been singing for four albums about is actually a target she decided on long ago

Starts with a hand touch in a crowded room (obvious Gorgeous reference), that Bowery hangout did look awfully crowded, didn't it?

Dominoes cascaded in a line >>> hair falls into place like dominoes (Gold Rush)

All the wisest women had to do it this way / WE were born to play the pawn in every lover's game (as in, WE women are forced to play these roles)

Two lines that could reference Zoë's tattoos:

"I'm the wind in our free-flowing sails">> Zoë has several pirate themed tattoos

"And the liquor in our cocktails" >> "être toujours ivre" (always be drunk) tattoo

-----

And that's it for the 13 original Midnights tracks! Part 3 will be looking into the 3am tracks.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for moving on from a relationship that literally just ended?

Context:

I (21) recently broke up with my partner (22) of 4 years. Recently being about a week ago. And I really want to move on but I'm worried about how that looks from the outside.

But the thing is... we broke up due to emotional neglect. After stringing me along for a year, after an incident last year brought these feelings that had already been slowly building to a head for the first time, (a year that I spent begging to be more than an afterthought in their life), they finally told me they just didn't want to be emotionally present, so I called it quits.

After a year of begging to be seen, feeling ignored, feeling alone even when with my partner, only ever mattering if I was being funny or crying, I feel like I'm justified in being over it even though we haven't technically been broken up for all that long. I've cried enough over it, I put my life on hold hoping they would do what they said they would, and now I'm frustrated and tired of being upset. I want to take steps to move on with my life, such as: working on myself, trying to process and let go of these feelings, remove them from my life, make new friends, and maybe even try to meet someone new when I feel ready.

But I'm worried about how that looks from the outside, especially without the context of how I was treated. I don't want people to think I'm as emotionless as them for moving on quickly (literally I could hear them laughing in the other room all night after we broke up, I'm not like that I just want to move on)

And the worst part is I still feel all this guilt despite knowing that while the breakup was utterly shattering to me, it was an inconvenience at best to them.

So... AITA for trying to move on?

What are these acronyms?

[warmaidensrevenge]

You came. You called

Joseph Quinn x plus size reader

If you want to read my other work you can find it HERE

Ok this is gonna get intense.

Warnings: 18+ angst, fluff, heartache, and sexual situations.

Not proof read and no word count.

Part 5

😓

You woke up crying at the beautiful dream you had. It wasn't real. The life you dreamed of wasn't real. Your happiness was gone in an instant. You cried until you couldn't cry anymore. How was it that one person could make you feel all of this? Even after it's been 2 months since the breakup. You still got good morning and good night texts from Joseph. But you wished it would stop. He was making it incredibly hard to move on. Especially since his face was plastered everywhere. 

You got up and found Colin doing some school work. Your sniffles gave you his attention.

“Colin. It happened again.”

“Shit come here friend.”

You went to him on the couch and hugged him. 

“Which one was is this time?”

You wiped your tears. “ The one where I was pregnant.”

“Oh man. I’m sorry. What can I do?”

You took a shallow breath. “There’s nothing anyone can do. It’s just gonna take time.”

“I really thought he was gonna try after that night.”

“Why would he? He already made his decision...I just don’t understand how the universe allowed some people to meet, when there’s no way for them to be together. The truth is I laughed hard with him. I trusted him with my heart. He saw me. The real me....Why wasn’t I good enough Colin?”

“Okay bitch what we’re not going to do is shit on ourselves. So that’s enough of that. It’s not your fault that he’s being a shit for brains.”

“See I know this. But he just brings out all of my feelings. The good and the bad. Hearing his voice still gives me a warm feeling. I still get butterflies when I see his pictures. I read all of our old texts and saw how happy we were. He is still the first and last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I still have pictures of us and look at them and smile so much that my cheeks hurt.”

"THAT'S IT! GET YOUR ASS UP RIGHT NOW!"

You jumped when he yelled and got up pulling your hand.

"We are gonna burn his shit."

" No poop."

"Yes! It's the only way to move on. And block his number."

"Colin."

"No y/n. This needs to stop right now. You can't keep doing this to yourself."

You watched as he pulled every picture you had of you and Joe and shoved them into the small metal trashcan you had in your room. He grabbed the stuffed animals Joe gave you from his visits overseas. He went through your draws and took out the LAMDA shirt.

"Colin no. Not the shirt."

"Yes we need to get everything."

You followed him outside as he lit the stuff on fire. Tears ran down your face as you watched your time with Joe turn to ash. Maybe Colin was right. Maybe this is what you needed to get over him. You went back into your room after locking the door. You laid down looking at your phone. It was one o'clock in the morning. You sat there on Joe's contact info. Moving your thumb back and forth on the block and delete setting. You didn't want to and maybe you should have. But you just couldn't. Instead of blocking him you called.

The phone kept on ringing until you got his voicemail mail. You hadn't heard his voice in so long that you felt your heart sink. When you hear the beep you paused before you spoke.

" Hey it's me. I just wanted to see how things were. I hope everything is going well. I need to say something. Because chances are I'll never get a moment like this again. So this is everything I wanted to say. No one has ever gotten to me the way that you did. No one has ever made me laugh like you did. You were honestly the only one I saw myself happy with. You are my definition of love. And I would like to think if we never speak again, one day you'll look back on me as someone who wasn't scared of the future when you were by my side. I'd like to think that you'll remember me as someone who loved you, the best I could. I'd like to think that as somebody you could have spent your life with, if only I was honest with you from the beginning. If only the timing would have been right. If only we had worked just a bit harder. I'm sorry. But I got to let you go. I can't have you message me anymore. It's just too hard. Goodbye Quinn."

You hung up. " I love you." You deleted his number and cried yourself to sleep.

...

After the phone call Joe wanted to run to you. He wanted to tell you that he was being stupid and stubborn. But knowing that you were drunk he wanted to talk to you sober. He has planned on doing it soon but he has so much work to do. That he was gonna be out of the country the next few months. And as luck would have it that night when he punched Jamie he had broken his phone. So he had to wait for another one. He finally got a new one, three weeks later. And he immediately started sending you texts in the morning and night in hopes that when he came back you would talk to him and he would win you back.

It wasn't until the following day that he heard your message. He was distraught. He called you right after, but it went straight to voicemail. He called you none stop for an hour. When he couldn't get ahold of you he set so many messages that the screen was filled with a one sided conversation. Pleads, apologies, and begs for you to call him back filled what seemed like pages. He tried Colin but still no response.

That's when he sent the voicemail to Jamie. He called him just 2 minutes later.

"Joe are you a'right?"

He shook his head on the verge of tears. " No mate. Have-Have I lost her?"

" I...I don't know. Have you tried calling her?"

" She won't answer. Her and Colin cells go straight to voicemail and they are not reading my messages."

"I'm sorry Joseph. I think they might have blocked you."

" So she's gone now?" His voice broke

" I don't know. I will call her and see what's going on."

"Y-yeah." He said while hanging up.

...

You spent the following day out and about with Colin. You guys passed by this theater that was holding open auditions for The Walking Dead. Colin convinced you to go and try it out. You thought it would actually be cool to play a zombie. Ever since Joe you wanted to try new things. And though this was out of your comfort zone you wanted to do this. A small part of you would hope that Joe would see you and be proud.

Colin went first. He was reading a part that was for a new character. You had thought you guys would be zombies but when someone handed you a script you read over it. Your eyes were saucers. You were not expecting this. Your phone buzzed and you saw that it was Jamie. You were gonna answer it but they called out your name. So you turned off your phone to go out and did a reading.

You pretended to pull off a backpack and opened it. You looked up and the person who was reading.

It came so naturally that it surprised even you. I'm the beginning you were so nervous, but once you got to the monologue portion you just ran with it. You said your thank yous and went to wait with Colin to watch all the other performers. When everyone was done the producers called out names for the ones they wanted to read again and all the others could leave. When they call you and Colin you guys were so giddy. This time though they gave you a different script. You were to read the part of Adelaide. (Ada for short). It was a scene where the character was answering the 3 questions Daryl Dixon asked. The character was supposed to be his new love interest.

-

"How many walkers have you killed?"

"218. Well 219 after that one." You said nodding to the zombie you just saved him from.

"How many people have you killed?"

You pretend to pull out some smacks and fed it to his dog.

" 2"

" Why?"

You stood up and sighed. You brushed your nose with your index finger and looked up. Fighting back tears of anger and clenched your fist.

" And cut." The producer shouted. " alright Miss L/N we would love for you to join the cast. Would you like the part of Adelaide?"

" Because they raped and killed my sister. Using her body for bate."

-

" Ummm." You looked at Colin and he nodded. "Yes! I would like that very much. Thank you!"

You and Colin went out to celebrate. Now not partaking in any inhibitors you filled up on fries and milkshakes. You haven't eaten a carb for almost 2 years now. It was heaven. In the middle of celebrating you return Jamie’s call. After a brief conversation you told him about the role you just got. You asked him about Joe and he said he was fine. He asked for you to call him but you refused.

...

Jamie called Joe back after he hung up with you.

“Is she a’right?” Joe was concerned

“Yes Joseph she more than a’right. She just got offered a part in this show called The Walking Dead.”

What?

“But she’s scared of being on stage. I don’t understand. How is this possible?”

“I have no idea. But she seems very happy.”

She’s happy?

“Is she willing to speak to me?”

She is better off without me.

“Joe, I don’t think it’s the best idea. She’s been having a rough go around after the break up. Colin said she’s finally smiling again. Even eating normally now.”

“But I love her mate. I wanted to be with her since the phone call.”

“I know that. But I’m going to be brutally honest with you. Had you had no time in the past month to talk to her? I know you’re busy but we are all busy and still we sre able to make time for our love ones.”

“I wanted to talk to her face to face. Not over some messages or through a phone call.”

“Okay if that’s true why haven’t you come home to talk to her. I’m sure you had a free day or two.”

“It is true. And I wanted more than just a day with her.”

“Joe if you really wanted to be with her. No amount of time would have stopped you from seeing her. Every moment you spent with her would have been worth it. I know you love her. I was supposed to be your best man. But do you think that maybe you didn’t try sooner was because you’re still afraid of hurting her or have her get hurt again by someone else? Or maybe you think you don’t deserve someone like her?”

“I-I don’t know.”

Jamie sighed “ Okay let me ask you this. How would it make you feel if you never saw her again?”

He took a second before taking a deep slow breath. “It would hurt even more than it does now. I would be lost without her. My universe would collapse. I would rather walk this world alone if not with her.”

“Joseph, I know that this is how you feel but you never gave yourself time to actually consider how she feels about this. Of course you know she is madly in love with you. But after that call do you really think it’s wise to make her feel all the sadness again? Don’t get me wrong. I love her for you. But it seems to me that you are uncertain of what you want. You do know that there are some people that are just meant to be a season for you. A light to pull you out of the darkness. No matter how deeply you’re in love with that person or no matter how much you shared your heart. There will come a time where you have to say to yourself. Is the love we share worth sorrow. Is it worth all the tears. It was like she fell out of the sky for you. I believe that the best type of love is unexpected. You meet them by fate and it’s an instant connection and the chemistry you have is undeniable. You just talk and notice the way their lips curve when they look at you or the color of their eyes. You either feel insanely lucky or completely fucked. What I’m trying to say is I know the love you shared is worth it. But give yourself time to find each other again. Grow so that you can be the best for each other. Because when you finally do, nothing and no one will be able to tear you apart again.”

Joe knew now exactly what he had to do. And that was to let you go. Just so that you could come back to him one day. He was going to be better not only for himself but for you. He was going to be strong and he was going to work out his career so that he can be with you whenever he wanted. He would make sure that everything was ready for you when you came back. He is going to make you were safe and he was going to make sure that you would never question his love for you. That he will never be the reason you cried tears of sadness ever again.

...

It was the first few weeks of filming and man was Georgia hot. Everyone was incredibly nice. You had no idea how much went into making a series like this. You had loved the show and now you were a part of it. The make up looked so real on the zombies it actually scared the shit out of you. You were joined by more new characters than you thought. Bill Skarsgard had actually picked up a role too. It was a bit overwhelming at first but everyone made it as painless as possible.

You were in a total of 14 episodes with the promise of returning next season. Your scenes took about 3 months to shoot. Colin has gotten a role too but he died immediately. The producers kept him on as a zombie. Which was cool as hell..they wanted you to be comfortable and know you would be there alone, so they helped out with Colin.

Today was the day you had the sex scene with Norman Reedus. You were extremely nervous. Not because you were gonna be "having" sex on screen but this would be the first time you kissed anyone since Quinn. You still thought about him every day. You wished him well every morning and hoped he slept well every night. You still missed him very much but today made things change slightly.

The scene was shot and though it was weird, Norman was so sweet. His beard reminded you of when Quinns used to scratch you a bit. Kissing him was nice and though you guys didn't actually have sex. It was nice having someone that close to you. It was a good afternoon. Until it wasn't. You and Colin were having lunch when you guys overheard some extras talking about you and Quinn. Everyone knew about the incident. Everyone was so kind about it and no one brought it up until a month into shooting.

They were saying how you only got the spot because the director thought he could get Joseph to join next season as the new villain. Colin stood up from the table and went to approach the assholes. That's when Bill came and sat next to you with his sandwich.

* Hey that's not true. People here are so dramatic."

" Hey Bill. I know it's not. I just don't want everyone thinking that."

" Please, the people who actually matter don't think that."

You smiled at him and he returned it. Colin came back after giving the extras and earful. He was happy to see Bill and you talking and sitting so close to each other. Colin began flirting with him, making Bill laugh at his attempts.

" So I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me sometime?"

You thought Bill was asking Colin but Colin kicked you under the table.

"Oww what the-" you looked up from your food was met with Colin's eyes widened and slightly nudging to Bill who was looking at you with a beautiful smile.

You were at a loss for words. Today was definitely a weird one. " I uhh."

"Yes. She would love to." Colin answered for you.

You gave Bill a nervous smile before blushing and looking back down.

" She's shy huh?" Bill asked Colin.

" Just a bit but she's totally ok with hanging out."

"Um guys. You do know I can hear you right?" You said awkwardly.

" Well then say something bitch."

You kicked Colin so hard that he jumped. And Bill just chuckled.

"Umm dinner sounds nice."

Bill looked at you and smiled. "Great. How about tonight? My place?"

Shit

" Su-sure"

"Here give me your phone and I'll put in my number and the address of my hotel."

You handed him your phone and gave Colin a look. He was smirking at his success in getting you a date. When Bill was finished he handed back your phone and grazed your hand. You were flustered for a moment before receiving a text from Colin.

" Seriously how the fuck are you getting these damn actors? Do you have some magic vagina you forgot to tell me about?"

You ignored it and finished your lunch talking about the scene with Colin and Bill. You felt Bill's thigh pressed up against yours ever so often and it actually made you uncomfortable. You really didn't want to go out on a date with him. But now you were in it and you couldn't back out. Colin would've made sure you didn't.

You were getting dressed in the hotel room you and Colin insulted the way you were dressed.

" Please tell me you're not gonna wear that."

" What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

" Bitch you need to dress hot. And shave your damn legs."

"No! I'm not going to sleep with him."

" Why not?! He's so fucking hot!"

" Yes he is poop. But you know why."

" Fuck Joe. Just get it in. I'm sure Bill can make you forget all about him."

" I don't want to forget about him. I still love him."

" Yeah I know you do. But you need to try and move on."

" I know but I don't want to move on with anyone else. I just want to be alone."

" Well you can still be alone. Just hook up with him. I know your ass is horny. I hear the buzzing when you go into the shower."

"Stop it l. No you don't."

" Yes I do bitch. And it's cool. When you're gone I bust out my nine inch and go to town."

"EWW!"

" Shut up you know masturbating feels good. Don't deny it."

" I'm not. You're just over sharing."

" And? That's what we do."

You rolled your eyes and didn't change after all.

Dinner was pleasant. Bill was very nice. He asked what happened with Joe and you told him that you guys were on a break. You explained how you weren't interested in hooking up. Because you could tell that he wanted to. Though he seemed bummed he agreed to be just friends. Well for now he thought.

After 3 months of shooting you and Bill became close. Once Colin died in the show he went back home. Leaving you to the charms of a Skarsgard. You haven't stopped liking Quinn. But you also haven't started like Bill. So it was awkward to say the least.

...

It was a few months later that the season was released and you were beyond excited. The amount of love you got for being a plus size actress was incredible. Sure there were some haters but their comments were overshadowed by the love. Sometimes people would mention what happened with the incident but all were apologetic. There was even a fan page shipping you and Norman. Even a silly petition for you and Quinn to get back together. It was cute but it also hurt. You had seen that Quinn was hanging out with some models lately and it hurt. You thought that if you waited and stayed alone that one day your paths would cross and you guys could try again. But when you saw that he was working on returning to Stranger things. He wasn't going to be around. It took forever to film episodes so you knew he wouldn't be attending any Cons when the cast of The Walking Dead would have a table.

You hadn't seen him in months and you really hadn't been searching for him. You were just as busy as he used to be. Now you understood how he was able to get held back so often instead of coming home right away. Many interviews and photo sessions and promotions, you barely had anytime to yourself. It was okay though because you had Bill to count on when you felt home sick. He was really kind and patient with you. You knew he wanted more than just a friendship, but you couldn't give that to him just yet. After all this time you still weren't over Quinn.

You were in LA for a Meet and greet/Con when Jamie invited to his place for a small gathering. He was on a few days break while they filmed scenes without him. He told you that Quinn was in London visiting his parents. You were disappointed because you really missed him. You had started to forget how his voice sounded. How his touch felt. How soft his lips were. How his dick felt and it hurt you more than words could describe.

So you and Bill attended the party. You had missed Jamie so much. You held him so tightly that it brought tears to your eyes. You were gonna introduce Bill but him and Jamie were already acquainted.

" Günther, nice seeing you again." Jamie shook his hand and chuckled at one of Bill's middle names.

" Jimmy Jam how goes it?"

" it's going good. Mind if I borrow y/n for a moment."

He nodded and Jamie pulled you into the kitchen. Hugging you again.

" Oh love I have missed you."

" I miss you. How are things? How is Quinn?"

He let you go still with his hands on your shoulders. " Everything is fine. He's ok. Misses you."

You smiled sweetly. " I miss him."

" I know love. But what's going on with Skarsgard?"

You looked over to Bill and he smiled and waved at you. You return the wave with a grin.

" Nothing's going on. We are just good friends."

" Are you sure about that? The way he looks at you. Seems like he wants more than that."

You looked back at Jamie remembering the woman Quinns has been seen with.

" Well yes I know how he feels. He tells me. But I'm not ready. I just want my heart to heal before I take that step."

" So you like him then?"

" Umm yes and no." You said moving away from Jamie to get yourself a snack of cheese and crackers. " He's very kind and smart...but he's not Quinn. Don't get me wrong we have a lot of fun together. I just don't know how it will be when we are together.... I haven't been with anyone since Quinn and I'm not sure if Bill would still like me if we kissed. And what if he doesn't like my body?"

" That's ridiculous. You're beautiful. Any man would be crazy to not love you and want to be with you."

Your face fell and your heart sank.

Not Quinn though.

Jamie noticed your demeanor and put an arm around your shoulders. "He loved you as best as he could."

"I know. It's fine. I don't want to talk about him anymore."

The night was lovely and you and Bill left. Jamie called Joe right away.

" Joe I know you're visiting you mum. But there's a con in 2 days and you really need to be here."

" What? Why?"

" Just trust me. You need to be here."

Joe agreed and got on the first plane out. His agent scheduled him as a surprise guest appearance with Jamie and a few others who were off from shooting.

When you and Bill left he walked you to your room. Telling you he had such a good time and he wanted to take you out tomorrow. You agree and he suddenly gave you a kiss goodnight. You weren't expecting it and you were quite shocked to be honest. It was nice. Really nice. His was a very good kisser. You hadn't expected to be as into it as you were. But when he pushed you up against the door you had to stop. It was too much for you. He let up so you could catch your breath. After you did he gave you a gentle kiss and said his good nights before leaving with a huge grin on his pretty face.

When you went into the room you leaned against the door and touched your lips. Your eyes started to swell with tears. You closed your eyes to fight them and you were successful. Quinn didn't want you so it's time that you stopped wanting him. You went to bed that night while still touching your lips. The kiss was really good. But there was no spark. You didn't feel anything. That's when you knew you had to tell Bill.

The following day you broke it to him and surprisingly he took it very well. He said that he felt something but knew after the party seeing all Joe's friends would bring back old feelings. He apologized and said he wanted to remain friends until you were ready to be with him. You didn't know if that would ever happen but you did know you wanted him to be around. Maybe one day things could happen and a part of you looked forward to the day when loving Quinn wouldn't hurt so much.

...

It was Con day and you were so excited. You were answered questions left and right sitting between Bill and Norman. There were a lot of questions about you dating either one of them and you just laughed at the question and said the Normans lady would probably kick your butt. You didn't give an answer for Bill but that was ok. He put his hand on your lower back when a question about Quinn came up. He actually interrupted by saying we were here to talk about The Walking Dead. After about an hour or so you and the rest of the main cast went to do the meet and greet. You took loads of pics and signed as many autographs as you could until your hand hurt. Once you were out of things to sign you went to watch the table talk with the cast of Stranger Things. You and Bill stood in the back laughing at Jamie joking around with Sadie. About half way through the host announced a special guest.

" Give it up for Joseph Quinn!"

The crowd went absolutely bonkers. Your smile fell and it felt like your heart dropped to your ass. He wasn't supposed to be here. When he walked out he never looked so good. He was clean shaven and had that big beautiful smile you loved so much. When he said hello you felt butterflies in your stomach. You didn't notice you were holding Bill's hand. But it comforted you when you finally felt it. You wanted to leave but your feet wouldn't listen to you. You watched in aww as he addressed his fans. When he finally sat down he started answering questions. You saw him whisper to Jamie and he looked rather upset. But then the next fan went up to the mic cutting their little conversation short. Jamie found your eyes and gave you a small wave. You returned it with a thin lip smile.

" Hey Joe. I just want to say that I love you."

" aww thank you" he replied with a grin.

" umm did you know that y/n was added to the cast of The Walking Dead?"

" Erm yeah I heard about it. She was really good in it."

" How did you feel when you saw her making out with Norman Reedus?"

He laughed nervously not wanting to answer. You squeezed Bill's hand tighter when the fan said your name.

" Hey let's go." Bill whispered in your ear.

You finally were able to move your feet when a few members of the audience started saying your name.

Shit.

" She's here right now Joe." Someone said.

" Where?" He got up and shielded his eyes from the stage lights.

That's when his eyes found yours. His big brown fawn eyes were just slits now from the big smile he had on.

" Y/N!" He shouted and ran off the small stage towards you.

You looked up at Bill and he gave you a smile. " It's gonna be ok. I'm right here if you need me."

You nodded and looked back at Quinn who was just a few feet away. He noticed you were holding hands with some guy that looked familiar. He was a bit upset when he saw that but once he saw your sweet soft smile it was pushed away to the back of his mind.

You let go of Bill's hand and shortened the distance to Quinn finally standing at arms length you guys grinned at each other.

" Ello sweetheart."

" Hi Quinn."

You guys stood there for a moment before you heard Jamie say to hug. You both laughed and did. The crowd cheered so loud you actually flinched. Joe felt that and pulled you closer. He was smelling your perfume while you breathed in his body wash. Maybe the hug went on for too long but neither one of you cared. It felt so good to be in each others arms again.

" A'right guys. The show must go on." Jamie interrupted. When you guys broke apart you saw Jamie smirking at his plan being a total success.

" Please join me for dinner tonight?" Joe whispered in your ear, giving you one last squeeze.

" Tell Jamie to get ahold of me and we'll work something out." You said hugging him back.

He nodded and went back upstage getting cheers.

You went back to Bill and walked out to the lobby. This conversation was definitely going to be awkward.

" I'm sorry that happened y/n."

" Don't be sorry. It was all Jamie. He likes to meddle." You said with a bit of nervousness in your voice.

There was this awkward silence as you walked back to the area where you guys arrived.

" I'm gonna have dinner with him tonight."

Bill looked at you and was obviously worried.

" Umm okay?"

" I'm sorry it's just. I need to know where I stand with him. It's been so long and at the end of the day. He's still my friend."

" You don't need to explain. I get it. But I'm glad you told me. I really like you and I know this is hard for you. But you need to know what's going on with this. Because I want all of you. I don't want to share your heart with someone else."

Oh fuck this isn't good.

" Just please don't do anything to wreck the progress you've made. You've been so strong. Don't let your feelings do something you're going to regret."

"I won't. I promise." You gave him a hug. You have to be strong for your sanity. You had to fight every urge to want to be with Quinn. Because Bill was right. You have come so far and your heart was just about fixed.

No matter what you were not going to sleep with Quinn.

...

When Joe left you he looked back and saw you with Bill leaving. He was jealous. When he sat back down he had a look of annoyance. He no longer wanted to answer questions. You were more beautiful than ever and he wanted to be with you.

Did you move on with him? Did you not love me anymore? You said you would wait.

Jamie put a hand on his shoulder noticing he's state of anger and sadness. He leaned over and covered the mic with his free hand.

" They are not together Joe. But you need to act fast." He whispered

Joe was still annoyed but he felt better knowing that you weren't seeing that attractive man. But he couldn't help thinking about what Jaime meant by acting fast. Was he losing you again? No he couldn't lose you again.

Never again.

-

He ended his appearance early so he could try and find you but you were already gone. He couldn't wait until tonight to ask you to try this again. Because this time he was ready.

He was staying with Jamie due to the short notice of him coming. When they finally got back he had so many questions for him. He and Jamie sat on the couch talking.

" Who was that guy?"

" uh that's Bill Skarsgard."

Skarsgard?

" Oh the guy from it."

" Oh yeah."

" What's going on with them?"

" uhh nothing...yet."

" What do you mean yet?"

Jamie hesitated to answer. " He's trying to be with her. She told me he kissed her the other night."

Joe's heart fell. " Did...did she kiss him back?"

" Joe.."

" Did she kiss him back?!"

" Yes"

" Fuck!.... no!"

" But Joseph, she said she felt nothing. She said she still loves you."

" Then why would she kiss him back?"

" Because she needed to see if she had feelings for him."

" Well obviously she does. She was holding his hand at the event."

" She was?"

" Yes! What have I done? Did I take too long?"

" No she misses you. That's why I said you need to act fast. I don't want them to get any closer than they already are. You guys are supposed to be together"

" What do I do?"

" Common Joe. You've been waiting so long. You know exactly what to do. You know exactly what to say. Just do it. Stop second guessing yourself. I'll make myself scarce tonight. Just please don't have sex anywhere but the guest bedroom."

" We are not having sex. I made a promise that we will be married before we do."

" Well good luck with that." Jamie got up and headed towards his room. " There is a box of 36 count of magnums in the bedside table. Feel free to use them all. I know you will"

" We are not-"

" Whatever you say Joseph. Maybe do that elbow thing." Jamie smirked and left.

We can't have sex. We shouldn't....But fuck I want to.

Joe had hooked up with only one person since you. But it was a mistake. He was in Ireland doing a music video and he was completely drunk off his ass. One of the pretty girls there that looked a lot like you was flirting with him. One thing led to another and he found himself in the pubs stall getting the absolute worst head. The only reason he came was because he pictured your beautiful full lips wrapped around his cock. Your beautiful eyes looking up at him with such love and lust he couldn't take it. He came quickly as he could and left feeling like a complete ass. Even though it was a mistake he knew what he was doing and he felt like he cheated on you. For weeks he beat himself up for it. And he still did. But today when he saw you all he could do was feel guilty. He planned on telling you tonight in hopes that one, you wouldn't hate him after and two that it would set the mood to not take you and make love to you on every surface on Jamie's house.

He was so flustered in the kitchen that he burned almost everything. He had planned on making you roasted chicken and sides when he kept setting off the fire alarm. He was so damn nervous that he just opted out and ordered takeout. It's not what he wanted but he had to. Time was moving against him without mercy.

He had just finished setting the table when he heard the front gate buzz. He went to the security monitor and saw you in a rental. He opened the gate and went outside to meet you. You pulled up and got out of the car. You were wearing anything particularly seductive or revealing. Just a plain black flowy skirt that was just above the knee with a white top that fitted you just a bit snug around the breasts, with sleeves that went down to your elbows. You had a silver necklace with a ring on it and your hair flowed freely. You looked so good that he wanted to take you on the roof of your rental. But when you smiled at him all he wanted was to kiss you.

" Hey Quinn."

" Ello sweetheart. You look lovely."

You hugged him with your arms under his. It still felt like home in his embrace. You guys stood there for what seemed like mere seconds but was actually a good ten minutes before Joe pulled away.

" Common my love. Dinner is getting cold."

You nodded and let him lead you in holding your hand. He pulled out the chair for you and took your keys setting them on the kitchen counter. You looked down and saw your favorite take out place in LA.

" How did you know this was my favorite?"

Joe grinned. " Jamie asked Colin."

" Oh I didn't know they talked. That's cute. Colin is in love with him."

" Really? Hmm maybe we should get them together."

" What? Jamie's not-"

" Well not completely. He's bisexual."

Your eyes widened and you couldn't believe you didn't know that.

" Yeah I know. He's very good at hiding it." Joe basically read your mind.

He sat down next to you and started to serve you and him. You watched happily only wishing he cooked instead. You missed that so much.

" Sorry I tried making dinner but I kind of burnt it."

" Quinn did you suddenly get telepathy or something?"

He chuckled. "No l. Why do you ask sweetheart?"

"Because I swear I was just thinking about how I missed your cooking."

He looked over to you and pressed his lips into a cute smile. He put down the serving spoon and pulled your hand into his rubbing circles with his thumb on the top.

" I'm glad I can still do that."

"Glad that you could still do what?" You said while looking down at your hands. You move your fingers and interlock them with his.

" Still be able to know what you're thinking. Without asking."

You closed your eyes and smiled sweetly. "I'm glad too."

After a brief moment of comfortable silence Joe's heavenly voice was deep and soft.

"Let's eat shall we?"

"Yes I'm starving." You said not letting go of his hand.

You guys had a great meal and an even better conversation. It was if you guys never had broken up. You clung to each other with every word that was said. After you helped Quinn clean up the kitchen so that Jamie wouldn't be upset with the mess that Quinn made. You moved as if you were still living together. Afterwards you guys settled on the couch.

" So how is it being the new face of The Walking Dead?"

" It's undescribable Quinn. I love being an influence to all the big girls out there. Letting them know that they can be anything they want to be."

" It's brilliant. That feeling you get."

" Yes. I know now why you love it so much."

It was getting late and all you wanted to do was kiss him. You wanted to see if you guys still had that spark. By the way you guys were tonight it seemed to still be there. But you needed to know for sure. You needed to know where your place was in his life. If you still had one that is.

" Quinn what are we doing here?"

He smiled. "We are getting reacquainted love. I have missed you so much. I love how happy you are."

You returned his smile with a small but sweet one. "I've missed you too."

There was a moment of awkwardness when Joe spoke up.

" May I ask you a question?"

" Sure."

" Why did you block my number?"

You stood silent for a second nervous about answering. "I uhh need some space. I needed time away from you. The texts you sent weren't helping me get over you."

" You're over me?"

" Umm I... yes and no."

" What?! Why?! It's because of that guy right?"

" What? Bill..God no he's just a friend okay."

" Really? So you just kiss all your friends?"

Fucking Jamie man.

" Hey that's not fair."

" What isn't? That you said you would wait for me and then go kiss another bloke when you had the chance." Joe wasn't holding back his punches not this time.

" That's not ok. You don't get to use a meaningless kiss against me. What about the girl in Ireland huh?"

"She was a moment of weakness and I'm sorry. But how-"

" Common Quinn, do you really think someone giving the famous Joseph Quinn a blow job wasn't going to get out? Come on you're not dumb. Besides yeah it did hurt me but I don't hold it against you, because we weren't together."

" But I wanted to be."

" Seriously?!" This conversation now was just pissing you off. You stood up and fought back the tears that made their way to the surface. " Then why the hell did you break up with me?"

" Sweetheart you know why. I had no-"

" Choice." You cut him off. " Really?! If you loved me you wouldn't have hurt me so bad."

" I never meant to hurt you. I was just doing what's best for you. Don't take it personally. I love you" He said standing too.

You scoffed. " Don't take it personally? Are you joking? Of course I took it personally, you want to know why... Because I would have never done that to you. I didn't want to be without you. I cried for you, and I hated it, I hated what you did to me. I hated what you said. I hated you....I hated you because I would have chosen us no matter what. And you took that away from me." The tears finally escaped.

" What do you want me to say? I can't take it back. I wish I could. What do you want me to do? I want to fix this. We need to fix this. Because I rather do whatever it takes to make this work. I don't want anyone else. There is no one else for me." His voice broke and the threat of tears came.

" I want you to say I'm the reason for the random laughs. That I'm the reason for all the smiles. The reason you get so happy being on your phone, even though you are barely on it. I want to be the reason you're happy and that you look towards a future with endless possibilities and embrace them...with me."

" But you are all those things to me and more. You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I belong to you. My heart tells me that you are the best thing for me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You have me. You could do anything you want with me and I would let you. You can ask me for anything and I would go through hell to make sure you're happy. I love you more than you could ever know. And that's okay because we didn't ask for this. But I'm so happy that we got it. Because now I can't imagine my life without you."

" How can you say that Quinn? After all this time. Not once have you tried to come back to me. Now what are you afraid to lose me. Is keeping me on the back burner now not enough for you?"

He closed the distance and cupped your face. " Now y/n this is enough. I'm done arguing and I'm done being apart from you. I understand that it's been hurting you that we have been apart for so long. But it's killing me. And I'm finished. I refuse to spend another moment without you. So come back to me."

" You have NEVER been on the back burner! You could never be. Don't you get it? I've decided on you" he came closer until he was just a foot away from you. "You're eyes are the ones I want to get lost in, your voice is the one I want to hear for hours on end. Your smile is the only one I cannot resist. I want you to be the only one my arms wrap around. It's you who I want, you who I choose."

You grabbed his wrist and pulled them off. You held one of his hands and looked at them. You turned your gaze upwards to meet the big beautiful eyes you missed so fucking much. You put your free hand under his ear to hold his face still as you got on your tippy toes and kissed him with such passion that you could feel his tears fall on your cheeks. You weren't sure if they were from heartache or from sheer bliss. Either way it was the best kiss you and him shared.

As you guys kissed the world melted away. The love that once seemed lost was found. You guys entangled yourselves in each other. Trying to get as close as possible. You sank to the floor with Quinn on top of you. His hands touching everything he possibly could, while yours embedded themselves in his hair and under his shirt on his back. The warmth between your legs increased as he pushed up into you. Making your skirt fall down and up to your waist. You could feel his erection against the thin layer of your nude color panties.

He kissed down your neck sending chills down your spine and making your core slick. A low moan left your chest and he kissed your collar bone and moved his hand down to your aching sex. As soon as he touched the bundle of nerves you arched your back and scratched his. Making him hiss at the pain/pleasure.

He grunted in frustration as he felt how wet you were, because he knew he should stop. He wanted you. He needed to feel you. But he shouldn't. And with all the pretty noise you were making that he had forgotten made it hard for him to stop. So he wasn't going to. He got to his knees and eye looked over at you. Eyes full of need and love. Your beautiful smile made his heart pound against his ribcage. He pulled off your shoes and went straight for panties. His eyes never left yours. He put your soaked garment in his back pocket and lifted your knees. He got comfy on his stomach and pulled your legs over his shoulders. The most beautiful pussy he's ever seen was right in front of him. He could feel your thighs quiver from anticipation.

"God sweetheart. Don't ever keep this way from me again."

" I would never do that." You sighed. " I'm not one who kept themselves away for us."

He looked up to meet your eyes. His was filled with sadness and so were yours.

" Never again okay?"

Your words brought happiness to him again.

" Never again."

He kissed your inner thigh and was about to send you into your own personal heaven when Jamie walked in.

" No. Oh Joe no. What did I say about keeping it in the guest room?"

Joe jumped up and sat with his back towards the lower part of your body trying to cover you. His hand came back pulling down your skirt as best as he could. You on the other hand were frozen from embarrassment covering your mouth.

"Hello y/n looking as beautiful as ever."

You blushed and sat up not looking at him.

" We're sorry mate. Uhh things got out of hand."

Jamie raised his brow. " I see that."

" Sorry Jamie." You finally said getting to your feet with Quinn following suit.

" It's fine love. I'm just glad to see you back together. I'm even happier knowing what I said to Joe earlier happened." He smirked

" What was that?"

" Oh don't worry about it sweetheart. Jamie is just being delusional."

" Is that right Joseph?"

" Yes mate!"

Jamie laughed." A'right I'll leave you two love birds to it. If you need more condoms let me know."

"Jamie!" Joe yelled

Jamie snickered and disappeared into the hallway.

Joe turned to you and held you as you guys laughed.

" I uhh should get going."

" What? Why?" Joe's voice had sadness in it.

" Umm well it's late and I don't want to do anything while Jamie is here."

" Then I'll come with you."

You gave him a quick but soft kiss. " No. Let's just take the night to go over everything. Come see me in the morning and we will have breakfast."

Joe pouted but agreed. It was probably for the best anyways. He walked you out to the car and gave you a long hug and kissed you deeply. He felt your hand reaching for his back pocket and he grabbed your wrist.

" No no my love. Those are mine now."

You giggled giving him one last hug before opening the car door.

" I love you Quinn."

His grin reached from ear to ear. " I love you y/n"

He watched as you drove away wishing you safe travels. He skipped back inside and got ready for bed.

As soon as you got into the parking lot of the hotel you called Colin.

"Poop, guess what happened?"

" oh I know. Jamie just told me."

" Really?!"

" Oh yeah. We've been texting all day."

' Oh yeah?"

" Yes bitch he is so fine. But anyways did you guys fucked already or what?"

You got off the elevator and started down the hall to your room.

" No. But Jamie caught us before Quinn could go down on me."

" Aww man stupid Jamie."

" It was so embarrassing." You said while turning the corner. You stopped.

" So I'm assuming Joe didn't go back with you?"

You were quiet for a moment.

" Hello y/n."

" Umm Colin let me call you back."

" Bitch what?!"

You hung up the phone and looked down the hall. Bill was sitting next to your door holding flowers. When he saw you he stood up and smiled.

Shit

...

@salenorona23 @browneyes528 @e0509

[soovermyself]

i feel like every breakup announcement that says something like “they remain close friends” is such bs lol

also the “they weren’t getting enough time together” seems a bit silly because surely that was an expectation when she went to london that they’d be apart more? if relationships can’t survive distance they are definitely not that strong to begin with. i obviously have no idea but my gut says that wasn’t the major reason

It’s mostly PR stuff.

My two cent is that we know that after the wedding she took time off to be more with him, so they were still in the love bubble for a while, but then 2023 happened and that’s when “real life” really got back to normal for them. And I did notice that he seemed to be a little less around. But he also has businesses to grow so we can’t blame him either, so maybe that’s where his focus was. And maybe, it simply came to a point where their focus simply didn’t align much anymore. His focus might have been on growing his businesses, traveling to learn more about all of the wine stuff while Sophia wanted to settle more at home and focus on the family aspect? Maybe she felt a bit alone from time to time? Maybe when she got sick, he wasn’t around much although he was indeed in London with her and she felt alone and “abandoned” in a vulnerable moment; he could’ve been out and about with friends, who knows?! And I don’t want to blame him here, maybe he didn’t realize it. Life just got back to “normal” and he just started doing what he was used to and again, maybe it simply didn’t align with what she was looking for in a partner right now in her life. Just to give you an idea, one of the first things he did when they were likely in the middle of their whole breakup mess was to fly to Mallorca/Ibiza for a trip with his friends while she was getting ready to head home to LA. Different priorities I suppose. 🤷🏼‍♀️

She did like this quote in july which broke my heart, and I hope she never feels that way again.

But this, again, is my VERY humble theory. I don’t have any source in any way. This is just the theory I think make the most sense considering the infos we have…and definitely make a lot more sense than all of the other crazy theories that are out there since the news came out. Please don’t throw rock or tomatoes if you do not agree with me! ✌️😉