#i just cannot ever post regularly it will kill me

[fallahifag]

just cleared out over 1700 asks from my inbox and i just want to say thank you to anyone who has ever sent me a nice or supportive message that i could not respond to. i have read them all and appreciate them more than anything. from here on forward, i'd like to focus this blog more on sharing resources to help palestinians- which is why i have not been answering any asks that are not related to donation campaigns.

alongside the sweet messages, i have been getting a ton of hate messages that promote weird accounts that were created to exclusively harass me and other palestinians on tumblr, accusing us of things that are extremely untrue and even questioning our backgrounds. despite not letting this hate personally impact me, i understand that it may have taken a great toll on my other palestinian friends who have been working tirelessly for the palestinian cause. i luckily did not have access to my phone when most of the conspiring against us took place, meaning i did not see the worst of it - but it still bothers me that this is the type of attention we are getting when the only attention we want is attention to help those suffering in palestine.

we have said this a million times and in a million different ways. we are real people. our families are being impacted. our friends are being killed. our lives are being changed. all we want is justice. you don't deserve a pat on the back for simply reblogging one of our posts, or asking us personal questions irrelated to the subject we are desperately trying to bring focus on. you need to be doing more. you COULD be doing more. donate, share, interact with gazans and palestinians in non-parasocial ways.

it is not hard. if you can't decide on a specific campaign to place your donation, click this link for a spotlight fundraiser you can support. regularly check palestinian sources and blogs on here for more updates on fundraisers you can support. can't donate? sharing and interacting with these posts goes a long way. we need attention. attention will bring forth action. do not undermine your privilege and power. you can always be doing more.

lastly, i would like to remind you all that i am planning to start my hunger strike in a couple of days. this hunger strike is meant to encourage more and more people to donate to help save my friend hani's family. if you have an extra dollar, please consider donating to hani's campaign. and if you cannot donate, share his fundraiser.

throughout my hunger strike (and moving forward), my blog will mostly focus on bringing attention to fundraisers that you can support, as well as news and updates from gaza and the west bank. it has been over 225 days of relentless genocide in gaza and torture in the west bank. we are coming up on a full year. none of us should be able to rest in these conditions. no more playing games. take us seriously and do more.

[nyancrimew]

fucked up sorta intoxicated long vent

cw: uuh mental health, drugs, suicide mentions, very much is just an existential crisis put into post form

this is not a suicide note or anything, im about to go cuddle up with my wife and go to sleep i just had to get my fucked up thoughts out, i might delete this tomorrow

meaning

it's so hard to find meaning in life anymore. i live for those around me, for those i love, those who love me back. yet i keep hurting them, everything keeps falling apart. i live out of spite, i cant let authority win. yet im slowly giving up my cause. i live to prove a point. ive long forgotten what point it even is anymore.

there hasnt really been any new compelling reason to keep going in over 10 years now. i honestly wonder how much it even really takes anymore to drive me to suicide. it can't be that much, im already always living on edge.

i just barely know who i even am anymore, ive largely forgotten the first 20 years of my life, and the last 3 are mostly just fog as well. forced to live in the moment, carrying all the baggage of all the previous moments i dont even have memories of anymore.

how are people just like able to keep living, regularly finding joy. how are people able to deal with bad times without immediately pondering all the ways in which they could kill themselves in?

god i need therapy so fucking bad. i keep dragging down everyone around me. how can i fix all the damage ive done, a sorry won't do. how can i fix all the damage done to me, no sorry will ever do.

why are the only options to just keep going, ignoring all the pain, or ending it all forever. where is the restart button, where can i reset, rewind, apply what ive learned to the situations where i fucked up. how do i go back and undo all the trauma. the trauma i experienced myself and the trauma i put on others.

we're all just lost children in a world not made for us. where is our world. where is the place in which we can find solace. your arms make me feel safe, and at home. but i know you feel the same way i do.

it pains me to know we're in this together, god if only i could bear your pain, if only i could bear everyone elses pain. it hurts me to know you feel this way too. no one should have to know how this feels. i wanna take on all the pain in this world so i can leave and turn the world around.

am i just failing at being a part of this society or is society failing me. i am like one bureaucratic fuck up away from dying alone on the street with no roof over my head. i cannot be self dependent, why does this society fully expect such a thing of me.

is this all worth it for the few moments of bliss, for sparing the people around me from the pain of losing me. would the pain of losing me be greater than the pain i cause every day?

i am lost. i dont know anymore. fuck i need therapy. or just anything that can fix me. the drugs certainly haven't yet, but at least i also have dependency to fight with now i guess.

yea fuck man idk

[themetaphorgirl]

where I've been

hello friends! it's me!

I know my presence has been really hit or miss over the past year and change. if you want the short version, life has just been really tough, but I'm at the point where I really want to feel like life feels more normal again, which includes writing and posting and being more active.

if you'd like the deluxe edition of what's been going on, I do feel like I want to share what's been happening. it's been really rough and the next steps are only going to be more difficult, so knowing I have friends rooting for me will really help.

you don't have to read if you don't want to, it's kind of a bummer! the biggest takeaway is that I've been going through a garbage time but I want to start writing regularly again, so hopefully you'll see a lot more of me moving forward.

everything else below the cut!

tw: pregnancy, pregnancy loss

okay so. y'all know I got married in December 2022 (and we are still very happily married!!). we've known from the getgo that we want a family, but hadn't quite pulled the trigger.

well, there was another situation that happened that made me realize that I really wanted to start trying now, but it also unlocked a really deep trauma. when I was 23 I was in a really horrible relationship, and I got pregnant. and I ended up miscarrying pretty early on. and I got zero support. that's the short version.

I ended up, I guess for my own sanity, blocking it out. there's big gaps in my memory that just. don't exist. and for a long time I told myself it didn't happen. later, when I acknowledged that it did happen, I told myself that it was for the best, that I would have been a bad mother at that point in my life, that I would have had to maintain contact with my ex, that it just wasn't the right time and it was a good thing that I lost my baby.

the problem was I never grieved. I never healed. it was all just locked away and festering and killing me slowly.

so I ended up spending a good part of last year grieving and trying to deal with pain that I should have dealt with years ago. which...let me tell you, it's a rough process.

and at the same time, I realized that I wanted to start trying. my whole life I've wanted to be a mom. I've wanted five kids for as long as I can remember. Every time I pictured the future I pictured children. And I didn't want to wait anymore. which...is extra complicated to start that process when you're also in the midst of unpacking trauma.

and as you might have guessed...I'm not pregnant yet.

I'm very lucky that my work has a great medical program and they don't have waiting periods to see fertility specialists, so I started seeing doctors last April. And there's nothing wrong. I've done bloodwork, I've done ultrasounds, I've done so many tests, Shane has been tested. We've done three medicated cycles with trigger shots. They can't find anything wrong. They keep shrugging and saying that it's just the matter of the right time.

Unexplained infertility is a bitch.

It's so painful. It's so unfair. And because of my job I'm constantly doing orders for pregnancy announcements and gender reveals and baby's first Christmas. I cannot tell you how many times I've run to the bathroom to cry because I just can't handle being surrounded by reminders that I'm not anybody's mother yet.

I'm currently on cycle 17 of trying. which. that on its own hurts so much. s e v e n t e e n.

we have to hold off on starting the next steps because Shane lost his job (which is another absolutely insane stressor) but he's in a new job that he loves and pays better, and I'm getting a referral for a new clinic for a second opinion. but it looks like we're going to move forward with IVF.

I'm very very lucky that my work will pay for a significant amount towards IVF, but there's still payments we have to make, so we're working on getting our ducks in a row. and it's a terrifying prospect. medications and egg retrieval (my first surgery ever) and transfers. and the crippling fear that they won't get enough eggs or none of them will fertilize or the transfer won't be successful. it's eating me away. I've been feeling like such a shell of myself, every failed cycle feels like another piece of me has faded away.

right now I'm trying to focus on getting myself in as healthy as a place as possible, emotionally and physically, before we start procedures. am I still hoping that I'll get pregnant without IVF? oh, desperately. but at this point, nearly a year and a half into trying, this is probably going to be our best bet.

so moving forward, I'm hoping I can start doing things that make me happy again. I've spent most of the past year and a half being incredibly depressed and not really doing anything other than laying around in bed. I did discover Lockwood & Co thanks to Maeve, and that's helped so much because it gave me something new to think about and fixate on (and write for), but it's still been rough and sporadic. which, actually, is a good describer of how the past year has gone. I need to get back into living again.

in the meantime thank you for everybody who's checked in on me, especially QuiddoDitto. I haven't really had the energy to message back, but I've seen the comments and messages and it's meant so much to me while I slog through this.

hopefully things will get better soon! hopefully I start feeling like a person again! hopefully I'll be writing and posting regularly because I miss it!

and hopefully there'll be a baby in my arms soon.

[kaistarus]

My Fic Recs

South Park

Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space (gremlinteeth)–(Creek-complete(137k)–this is quite literally the greatest fic in existence. ‘but South Park is cring–’ shut your mouth, get over it, and read this masterpiece. The character/relationship development, worldbuilding, symbolism, characterization?? I still get emotional listening to “Wouldn’t It Be Nice.” by The Beach Boys.... Like what?!? I cannot wait for the day that I have forgotten enough of this fic that I can reread it again properly. IDC what fandom you’re from read this fic.

Me, You, And Time(HelplessRomantic_2)--(Creek-complete(13k))--There are a lot of fics on Craig and Tweek’s development using canon moments in the show and I think this one does it best. Characterization, realism, character/relationship development, friend group dynamics. It’s just a great fic overall. Love it

Family Is What You Make Of It(Mareepysheepy)--Creek-complete(17k))--This fic is unbelievable. It’s an absolute masterpiece of a take on the Tucker family dynamic and how Tweek has fit into their lives. The unconditional love they have for each other and Tweek’s support for Craig. It’s one of my favorite Tucker family fics and the writing itself is phenomenal

Life In Color (BlameCanada)-@blame-canada-Creek-Complete(2k)--This is so artistically written and underappreciated. It’s a shorter one-shot, but their ability to take Craig’s monotonous descriptions to show how his worldview and outlook literally change with Tweek around is beautiful. Gives me that chest achy lovey feel and cannot get enough

Your Eyes, My Nose (PinkFan_Gurl)-@pinkfan-gurl-Creek-Incomplete(75k)-I admit, I was a little hesitant at first because babies, but I gave it a chance and OH my god I’m so glad. The writing style is fantastic, the characterization is phenomenal, there are unique relationship dynamics, and most importantly we get dopey Craig who is so in love with Tweek it’s embarrassing. I flip out when I see there's an update in my inbox. Not complete, but still updates 🙂

A Beautiful Sight, We’re Happy Tonight (@tlinrookie)-Creek-Complete(13k)--I am so obsessed with this fic, it's just so fucking good and one of my favs. Post-high school hook-up into insecure/awkward flirting? It’s so well done and realistic as a concept that if someone told me this actually happened to them in college I’d believe it. I love that in my fics. And once again, awkward blushy Craig <3

press pause (pink2d)--Creek-complete(13k)--Just Craig overwhelmed with his newly developing feelings through fantastic writing and emotional description. He just wants to kiss his boyfriend but can’t stop overthinking literally everything. I LOVE the author’s use of little details and actions to show love and build up on Craig’s end, gives you a chest achy emotion

Anyone Else But You(@fruitloopzed)-Creek-Complete(3k)--One of my fav meet cutes. I’m always a sucker for love at first sight, but Craig seeing a cute boy at five-years-old and his first instinct being to rizz them up with red racer? What a concept. Genius. It’s so cute and actually writes them in character for their age which is well done

Nervous young inhumans(tweakers)-Creek-Incomplete(136k)@tweakerist--Have you ever wanted Craig to be hopelessly in love, but literally everyone and their grandma knows except him? Well, I have the fic for you! lmao seriously tho Craig is an idiot. but his and Tweek’s relationship dynamic/development is so good. I will reread some interactions like ten times cause they’re so cute and funny. So if you also like dialogue/interactions sign yourself up. It’s incomplete, but author updates regularly!

Toilet Bound Hanako-Kun

More Trouble Than You’re Worth(@voidjelli)–Amanene-Complete(183k)- Have you ever wanted as many fanfic tropes as possible shoved into one beautifully written fic? Well I've got the story for you! lol I’m personally obsessed with ‘he’s so in love with her it’s pathetic’ so this fic kills me. The writing is phenomenal and the characterization/relationship buildings are amazing. I’m a sucker for good friendships and fun group dynamics which this fic is filled with AND there’s  a prequel Last Call(7k)

Undertow(Kawffee)-@kawff33-Amanene-Complete(96k)--The amount of effort and research that must have gone into this fic astounds me. Like a mystery/romance with a small-town island setting, Nene doing Orca research? I learned so much. The writing is astounding, the concept is fantastic, it was so fun to read, and I’m amazed it exists as just a fanfic tbh

[dross-the-fish]

Thoughts on AI I was talking to some people about AI and generally I've been pretty neutral on AI as a tool. I've seen people bring up that it could be used as a good way for disabled people or people who generally aren't good at art to bring their ideas to life and honestly I'm pretty ok with that on principle. I am pretty firmly against AI being allowed to indiscriminately scrape the work of artists without their input or say so and I'm against Ai being used by the entertainment industry as a replacement for actual artists and writers. However what I really want to talk about is the use of AI as a tool, assuming it can be used ethically. I really hate the argument of "It's soulless," or "It's cheating" (used ethically it's just anther medium like photography or collages. Art is not measured by the amount of effort or the tools used. I am really tired of that take) and a particular scaremongering argument I've had directed at myself "It will replace you."

Because I do draw that's the one I get leveled at me the most. That AI will do what I do and do it better so there will be no point to me or what I make. They like to paint artists vs AI as John Henry vs The Machine and I just do not care for it. I think it's reductive to art and to artists to frame the value of art as a matter of effort vs quality of product. AI cannot make what I make because it's not me. It won't create my characters, it can only output what it's fed. The work it creates may be of better quality, more complex in texture and composition, more precise or more detailed but it can never build my characters because it doesn't know my characters like I do. I got curious and tried to use an AI image generator to see if I could make art with it and I could not. I have no idea how to input the fucking prompts in a way that makes something worth looking at and I lost the motivation to learn how to do so very quickly. As a creative outlet there was something so joyless about it. I felt like I was doing paperwork or coding and that's the shit I regularly get paid to do at my soul killing day job. I don't want to do it for fun. Also the intimacy was gone? I didn't feel like I was spending time with my creation and there was no sense of bringing something to life. None of the pleasure of watching a face take shape line by line and filling in the details until my character was looking back at me, imperfect due to the limitations of my skills but still fully realized and in some strange way "alive". Working with an AI generator felt so tedious. Even if I could learn how to use this tool and do it properly so that I get "better" looking results I don't want to. I feel so disconnected from the end product that I can't envision it ever bringing me any kind of fulfillment to make use of this tool. But I think, again, assuming it can be used ethically, as just another tool for making art it deserves to exist and be accessible to people who might enjoy using it to be creative. It's not the process or the software that's the issue, it's the way it's being abused and no amount of people trying to scare me with "AI could do it better than you" is going to frighten me away from preferring to draw by hand.

The point of art is not to be good, it's to create, it's to make something and to bring ideas to life. As much as I have my criticisms about AI I feel like a lot of the language used to condemn it presents a narrow view of what makes art "worthy" and it sets a goal post where none should exist.

Everyone should be allowed to create, and they should have access to whatever tools they are comfortable using and when we talk about AI vs Artists we should focus less on the quality and ease of use and more on the dilemma of using other people's work without consent and the potential for mass production of cheap and lazy products for profit from the entertainment industry at the expense of employing writers and artists.

[simmonsized]

🥑🌻🪐🥐☁️🎨 🧩 for Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

1. 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help?

Probably the members of my Broblematic server (@outofstrings (bird and fae collectively, u may know of the Post-Cal ask blog), @future-geometries (Jess u are the first person I thought of) and definitely @alexharrier , who I think would probably hide me from the law even if I didn't explain the crime. I am not including beloved @chaton-katreal because I think she is too gentle, i would not want to muck up her life with murder!)

Or you know, my actual partner @notanotherdoodleblog probably LOL

All fantastic people, worth of hiding crimes.

2. 🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

Honestly most of my friends are pretty busy adulting 8( so we don't get to talk as much as I'd like to. @eggwyrt because our timezones are almost earth opposites. I love u!!!! I miss you!!

3. 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

- I've got two real life best friends that I get together with and have coffee every weekend together, and sometimes do other things, and this is significant to me because adulthood makes it hard to keep friends, let alone see them.

- I got into the marine ecology lab at my school that I have been pushing for entrance into, despite missing a pre-req. I get to be on a boat for eight hours next quarter! Woohoo!

- I got fanart for a fic I am very proud of but very rarely interact with anybody about, which has boosted my confidence and made me feel really good, and each comment I've gotten since they posted the art has made my heart sing extra loud!

4. 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh

Tbh I can't think of anything off the top of my head. My partner and I met through RVB, however, so we reference old seasons to each other fairly regularly, and I like to think we have a pretty good time c:

5. ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

(i do not even like Simmons that much but it's a solid username and now is part of my brand. also I am classically a blue team girly lol)

6. 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

This is an impossible task. Insurmountable, even. There are several!! Many!!! How can I pick one?? So I will list a few:

A. Everything anyone has ever drawn for my fanfics at all ever.

B. SPECIFICALLY everything @alexharrier has drawn for me, ever. Especially specially specially these two gifs which actually make me fucking insane every time I see them.

Honestly, this had me making sounds so incoherent only dogs could hear them, years ago when I did not consider my fic would be special to anyone. I really really really treasure them.

Also both my birthday gifts, Bro at Disneyland, and Bro at Home Depot 💕

C. This artwork for RNG chapter 66, from @101-sve . It is also special to me, and it's been my wallpaper on my phone ever since c: the atmosphere, the warmth, the halo of their hair i just... Yeah!!!!

D. Recent, probably familiar still, this Holy Fucking Shit Beautiful Atmospheric work of art for metempsychosis!!!! by @askinsufferableprickmod . I really actually cannot stop looking at it. It's so gorgeous, and honestly even if it had nothing to do with me I would still be in love with it. The concept of the kids are Gods, as beings outside the mortal world they made for themselves, all that is visible here, and I really really love it!

* I know all of these are things people have drawn for me, for my content, but honestly that is why they are my favorites! It is touching to see someone put heart into something that is related to something you, yourself, also put heart into!!! I love it!!!! I love these talented artists!!!!!

ALSO: we all know Theater of Coolty, but it is so beloved to me, I can recite it in my sleep lol.

7. 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately

On top of the other reasons I said I don't like things, you do actually have to convince me 6 times outta 10 if you want me to read a Homestuck fic in the third person. There is just something to the flavor of 2nd person that hits different. There is a reason different perspectives exist, and I think they can all be utilized well, but something about that classic, well-patterned "you, and then you" just gets me, you know?

[galkyrie]

Will you tell me about that not posted fic? 👉👈👀

Ooh yeah, I can totally give you an idea! I have bits outlined at this point so here goes.

It follows the events in this post, where, Jason happens to run into Tim following a mission in a small port city halfway across the world from Gotham. It's been months since anyone has seen Tim, and Jason's kinda been blaming himself for setting the whole sequence of events off-

And then Tim's there in some shitty bar he'd just happened to wander into, laughing with the bartender about something he can't hear- and he looks different. His high cheekbones seem softer, his skin a sunkisswd from his time spent on the sea, his hair long like it was when he was just setting out to make his way as Red Robin. Jason almost doesn't recognize him- but their eyes meet and there's no mistaking those for anyone else's.

Somehow, miraculously, after chasing Tim down and accepting the very justified venom Tim spits his way, he manages (through blackmail) to get Tim to promise to keep in touch with him.

Tim does, begrudgingly at first. He tells him just enough to let him know he's still alive, as per their agreement. But...he's lonely, and has spent months as little more than a stranger to the people he meets, and Jason writes him religiously. Tim reads them. More than once.. then, slowly he starts sharing what his life is like now. How he has a cat that stowed away, who saved his life when he was at his lowest point after running away. How he still practices with his staff, but without the City to defend it's more of a meditative process. How he's slowly learned to feed himself because cats apparently hate MREs.

Eventually, they grow closer. Things are getting worse in Gotham- Bruce is off the rails and Jason refuses to feel like that's his fault or problem in any way, and at first talking with Tim feels like a release valve. A break from watching things fall apart because the man can't stop. It's not lost on him that Bruce is hunting Tim down with far more fervor than he did Jason, back when he was the only one with a known double digit kill count.

He can't help but think it's because Bruce saw so much of himself in Tim. But Jason knows now that that's a mistake, because Tim got out. Tim's carved a life for himself, something small and quiet and peaceful in a way that he doesn't think Bruce would ever be able to manage.

And only he gets to see it. Nobody else knows any of it with Tim. This softer, gentler Tim is all his.

He feels less bad about wanting to keeping that way when Tim sends him a number he can use to call him. Their relationship repairs and deepens over time, until eventually Tim invites him to come see him, if he can get to x coordinates on x date.

Jason's floored when he shows up to the spot alone and Tim's right there. He's gained more weight in the time it took to go from hostile penpal to...whatever they were now, and Jason just cannot get over how pretty it makes Tim. There's actual, physical evidence that Tim's regularly prioritizing himself, and it's driving him a little wild. Gone are the days of entirely regimented and perfectly portioned meals and green juices and supplemental smoothies- Tim's fucking frying things. Jason gets a little dizzy over the idea of teaching him to bake.

Meanwhile Tim is a little nervous. Jason is still in like, peak physical condition due to being an active vigilante and Tim's just been...chilling? He's fully unprepared for the sheer level of attention paid to his newly developed love handles, or how much the man seems to enjoy just squeezing the soft bit of pudge over his abdomen. He's baffled- Jason looks like he's carved from marble, but acts like Tim's the one who should be worshipped.

There's a lot of Jason being unable to get enough of Tim like this, and a slow realization that he doesn't just want these periodic trysts between long periods of watching the Bats go to shambles- he wants to join Tim, he wants the softness and the peace for himself, too.

[unclekaz]

i know nobody will see this post, but i really just wanna say my feelings about something i genuinely care about for a second. idk if this is a vent or just a rant, but still this has been on my conscious for awhile and i can't keep it in my brain without blowing a gasket soon.

im still vehemently mad over my character Nolan Gray being essentially laden with stuff i can talk about yet the people who know the most about the character don't really care to listen. like that whole machinima project that he spawned from just fizzled out because it all surrounded one guy who genuinely didn't care to participate in genuine storytelling and just wanted to go through the motions, and the only other person who was vaguely interested in storytelling was a genuine crackpot theorist who came up with the most insane shit ever for stories.

im just so frustrated that i can regularly come up with cool things and correlation and subtext with the character, like his clothing motif, that being his mask and hat

he is essentially the closest you can get to military incognito without the classic balaclava with opaque goggles, and i think that's surprisingly fitting for his character. in the machinima he's a tormented soul that's been reduced to just a faceless grunt who's better at killing than anyone else, to the point where his name wasn't really uttered often outside of 'gray, can you do this for me?' 'gray, kill those people' etc. the fact that they never even refer to him by his first name and it's only just barking the name 'gray' says it all.

and it's so interesting to literally have a character that physically cannot be represented facially. his facial details are there, but they're hidden. it's like a GENUINE parallel to his character, that being that there is a complex man beneath the mask, but he's trying to smuggle that out of sight. the broad details are there, they're just severely hidden

that's why im so frustrated with what happened, because of how things just went. after awhile everything fizzled out, and I was unable to do anything with the character that was fulfilling outside of 'gray kills people', which is almost ironically depressing considering that his character has been killing people for decades and secretly just wants to move on. the only time he ventilated those feelings to someone he assumed would take them to heart, the person didn't care and immediately ordered gray to go and kill more people

im just pissed im sitting on this shit and i can't do anything with it outside of an original work fanfic on AO3. i wish god gave me drawing skills over writing skills because at least i could be mentally ill with pretty picture over mentally ill with composition notebooks.

[tacticalmaladjustment]

So the ending, according to the interview, will be something that the realists may take issue with. So let me play the role of the realist for a bit and ruminate how ep 12 could go down (and let's me see just how much i'll end up surprised by the end of episode 12).

How likely is a full-on takedown of the organization? I don't know how large the Suwa organization is but given the sheer size of the Suwa estate shown in episode 8, the presumably large number of people they employ, and the large sums of money regularly circulating in the underworld, I think it's safe to assume that the scale of their resources, power and operations probably rival some real-world mega corporations. What I'm getting at is it seems unlikely to me, as a realist (:D), that 3 dudes will be able to fully take down this enormous, highly-organized machinery by themselves. Organizations like that do not fall apart just because its head or its arms have been lobbed off. It would be a setback, true, but groups of this complexity adapt like malevolent slime molds, and even if Shigeki is gone, it will just grow a new head.

Now, one could argue that all they really need to do anyway is just John Wick their way in, eliminate Shigeki and it's done as far as our protagonists are concerned--he is the only one, apart from Ogino, that is truly relevant to the predicament our family is in and stands in the way of them being free. But who is to say, that once they killed Shigeki off (if that ever happens) that the organization and what's left of it won't turn on them in retaliation. Again, they have the resources and manpower to make that happen if they so choose to post-assassination. And that is not something Kazuki and Rei should have to deal with if their objective is to be a family that has no entanglements with their former lives of crime.

So considering the aforementioned very realistic take (?), if they cannot fully destroy the Suwa hold, they could either ( A ) go beyond its reach and/or slip through the cracks by going incognito or ( B ) change the organization such that it is rendered incapacitated in some manner or is at least no longer a threat to them. Now for some scenarios:

they could all just fake their deaths in some elaborate scheme that Kazuki and Kyu cook up. Yes, this has been suggested by some posts in the tag. The issue i have with this is just how relentless Shigeki, Ogino and the rest of the organization is. Will they just give up when they don't recover any bodies/corpses?? We've seen how dark and twisted these characters are. It's ideal for our 3 adults because fighting would be minimal, but...it feels too easy (???) I can definitely see them though coming up with such a plan, trying to make it work, but then it fails because, uh, shenanigans, and they end up having to fight and John Wick their way out anyways.

Escape to another country. Again, another suggestion that pops up a number of times. Realistically, we don't really know how vast the organization is. Does it have branches elsewhere outside Japan? It's not outside of the realm of possibility that they do have local outposts/branches or affiliated groups overseas given that the work they do has them putting hits on people who presumably travel the world a lot (ep 1 human trafficker and ep 2 drug king pin come to mind). So even if our family does end up doing this...i feel like they won't be too safe either unless they incapacitate the organization's ability to seek them out in some way.

The aforementioned fall under ( A ). As for (B):

A trojan horse. inspired by episode 1 where Kazuki delivered a cake to infiltrate the Christmas party. Here, the cake/bait could be Rei. Or maybe Rei returns home to deliver a "dead" Kazuki to his boss as a sign of his seriousness in continuing the Suwa legacy...Or something, something, whatever to catch the old man off-guard. But this just gets us inside the organization. We still have the problem of actually dealing with it. Of course, they can just kill everyone and everything that comes after them, but will it ensure their safety post-Shigeki?

the police/law enforcement (lol. i mean this is the most crimeless possibility out there). i mean they could get them involved, but seriously, won't Kazuki, Rei and Kyu just end up incriminating themselves? The organization has a lot of info on a lot of people (see all those files that Kyu gives to Kazuki for their missions as well as all the data from recons, etc.). and I'm sure they have files stowed away on all 3 of them. Plus, the police in Japan, in my limited knowledge of the world, don't necessarily even want to have to take head on some crime syndicates like the yakuza for example irl.

From here on, the possibilities are even more...improbable but i include for their inherent wildness. So, no.3: a mutiny. which will be an unforeseen event (i know, totally out of the blue. but then we don't really know much about the power dynamics/struggles within the group itself, so this is some wild conjecture. Anyway, the VA's did say the ending was unexpected). it could create enough chaos and distraction, totally disrupting the group's entire operations to let our family slip through.

leadership change. (may or may not happen as a consequence of no.3) Maybe after Shigeki is disposed of in some fashion, someone (maybe it's Rei, maybe it's some unknown deus-ex-machina relative/minion) who is at least sympathetic to or tolerant (or even ignorant) of the family takes over. in any case, our trio is off the hook.

some equally powerful external entity who has an axe to grind with the organization attacks. I'm suggesting this based off things Kazuki and Kyu have said about the chance that they are on some hit list because of a grudge or some vendetta. I mean the Suwa must have enemies, right? Realistically speaking. Some of their assassinations (like the human trafficker and the drug kingpin) must have made some powerful people somewhere really mad. idk. Anyway, we are yet to see the underworld consequences of these hit jobs.

These ones fall under (B). I would like to add that the last 4 of these conjectural events can hypothetically explain the presence of mystery guy in the anime op (who is yet to be shown).

Honestly, it can be any variation and/or combination of these. or absolutely none of these, since i went with the realistic route and the ending is supposed to be something realists will end up questioning. For all we know, they could go the simplest route: kill Shigeki, get out and then that's it--to hell with the consequences of the organization still standing. We could also just end up with a time skip, skirting around the topic of what went down. Heck, maybe the anime will even dodge fully resolving it at all (and we'd all have to pray for a season 2).

There is one final possibility though, that seems just bonkers to me:

Shigeki actually lets them go following a one-on-one fight/duel, or a deal, or something else entirely.

Seriously, not gonna happen.

[randomperson339]

Hey guys I wanna make a game

but I'm way off anything presentable so here's my all star development team. Is this reasonable? No. Is this more fun? Yes. Should artists just skip to where they're discussed and get their rightful ego-boost? Also yes

BTW this is like a super long post. You have been warned.

Director: me (of course)

Programers/game design: James/ the folks over at extra credits and their other projects. This is because they have years of game-design experience I just don't have. Obviously it's in like, the beta beta stage so I'm not commenting on this too much.

story/writing: Tale foundry. they have a lot of story experience I just don't have, again plus they probably have good printers being The Tale Foundry and all that.

Art direction: a combination of Red from OSP, aka Aurora comic, and dead sound , with Neytirix thrown in too. Aurora/Red because she has a very distinct, minimalist style that would do excellent with giving the game a style unto itself. This would be aided by Dead Sound, who's a good horror YouTuber that would add some nice contrast by just doing what he's currently doing. Now there might be some difficulties in combining the two artstyles, which is why I would employ Neytirix, who regularly does very horrific stuff but also does some very cute art. Heck, she's a master at combining the two into one part horror one part very cute, which draws the comedy out of the situation.

Other artist I would be excited to include:

@beautysnake: amazing artist, cannot recommend their animations enough. Except to those with photo-sensitivity, because there's a lot of flashing lights. But her animation work is impeccable, animating better than most full-form TV shows I see. Like, the equivalent to Arcane-levels of animation quality, relative to non-professional animation work. Deserves to just exist without any financial troubles for a few years just by the sheer quality of the work she produced

Aegean: Wings of Fire meme-poster that I just vibe with. Would go onto make all the dragons I could ever want

@dingodoodles/DingoDoodles: very similar artsyle to Aurora/Red, would help establish that kind of art as the default for this world/universe

Glitch/Liam Vickers: these are two separate artists in the same catagory because this is my speculative dream team post and you can't stop me >P. Also I really know them because of their amazing work on Murder Drones. They're not on the same level as BeautySnake, but that's like saying you're not on the same level as J.R.R. Tolkien. they're still amazing, with these very stylish set-pieces that just ooze imagination. Yeah that imagination is used to make horrific stuff, but again we need some amount of horror in this game. And their robot designs would be excellent in the art

@mechapen: Very cool art, I love how they can convey movement in their work. Also is heavily inspired by Anime, which I appreciate.

Other writers I would include (mostly story analysis, so not making the story moreso there to be critical of it):

Schee: is the dude who actually made me analyse my own work and find themes. I'm just going to point out that's better than the public school system did, but that's a massive disservice to Schee. His analysis is better than anything I could come up with, and his passion is palpable in every aspect.

@ohnoitstbskyen: does a lot of analysis, and has a backround in some kind of illistrative field (I can't remember for the life of me what it is exactly), but that gives him a unique perspective as to what to do with characters.

@orbitaldropkick: If you can stomach it, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. It's not complete, yet, but it's still like much better than a majority of the media I've consumed. That alone gives them the right to be on this list, and their use of utter brutality would be a nice contrasts, since we already have horror and comedy in here. But seriously, their writing is ascendant and I hope to one get to the level of mastery they have. And don't even get me started on the lore- amazing all of it. I'm excited for whatever else they do in their life, even if it's just retire.

Oh wiat... I forgot a director of marketing... I suppose @neil-gaiman could work, since he has a decently-sized Tumblr blog. I'm certain he has no other credentials, like writing on some of the most influential books in existence and popular TV show of this era with impeccable talent put into it. Nope. None of that exists, since his only claim to fame is this one tumblr blog

[lostmykeysie]

More music for you, more!

I don't want to fall in love - Addison Grace gives off Regulus Black vibes in how he firstly never really saw or experienced healthy romantic love, and if it was there it was shunned and how if he didn't defect and didn't die he would have been in an arranged marriage

Youth - Daughter is Canon complaint Remus or any of the other survivors of the war

Also yes I have heard "Broken Bodies, Broken Hearts" I do quite like it! Also, Antidote (Peter's song) can also work for Reg as he really is an anti-peter in that they have the same role just different sides and Running to the edge is so sad as well, so is until the end, especially those few lines. They all are really sad honestly, but what's to be expected? It's this fandom.

firstly darling i want to say this. please go and have a listen to red hot pants by WIIGZ and tell me why i every time i hear this song i think of slut reggie?????????? like reg just absolutely killing it. model walk reg. too sexy to speak to you reg. legs for miles and a little crop top reg.

anyway!!!!!!! back to the regularly scheduled depression!!!!!!

you are so correct. i feel like growing up with walburga and orion (i can't write their names together and not think burger with onion) would have been soooo traumatising and damaging to a child's psyche. you cannot grow up surrounded by a dysfunctional, unhealthy parental relationship and it not to fuck you up, surely??? very apt song, very bang on the money today anon

omg daughter... daughter daughter daughter. i love daughter. their songs are so gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, slash you to the bone. listening to their stuff takes me back to when i was a depressed teen omg throwback. this is sooooo true. 10/10 you are correct have never been wrong ever.

i also want to suggest that landfill is remus consumed by self hatred post-prank, hating what he is and what he nearly done, hating that it was sirius that put him in that position, blaming himself, etc etc etc but still not being able to shake the fact he still loves him anyway EURGH

i ALSO want to suggest that smother is sirius in THH after he has the fight with remus and remus leaves and then sirius realises 'oh shit i love him'. it's basically the soundtrack of the oneshot i'm (still) writing

the antidote point is sooo valid i had another listen. also the anti peter is so true they're mirror opposites and i'd never really thought about that before you know. and lol they are all sooooo depressing but to be fair. so valid. way too much trauma to deal with what did we expect babes

i had, as usual, the best morning thank u xxxxxxxxxxx kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[scarletquccn]

Rules

ONE. (Interaction)- Hello I am open to rping with anyone who might like to rp with me. I am open to family/found-family/mentor-student/romantic/antagonistic (if you want someone like her as an enemy )/children etc. I am happy to write slice of life/adventure/horror/combat/smut will be limited to those I write with regularly if at all. You may always contact me through PM/Ask & if we write together DISCORD. TWO. (Posting)- I tend to write three or four days a week and I try to keep my Queue filled in case I can not be here. This is not a promise though as IRL can happen and does. I use Icons & small text. I do not expect any of this from my RP partners. You do you! Just accept the same from me. THREE.(Drama)- I keep this to rp. I will not follow people who are vague posters or write call-outs a lot. We are here for fun. I will not follow blogs who tell me who I can and cannot interact with, or tell me what I can or can not use as icons. Frankly, this is not up to you this is up to me. FOUR.( Combat)- When it comes to combat please chat with me about it. I will not GOD MODE anyone do not do it to me. Understand that the Scarlet Queen is very powerful. She might play it down in her interaction but it remains so. That said, I will not force anything on another character. I will move my character and you move yours. I love to write with people, and I am happy to take hits or damage if the story requires it. I am here for story rather than power-gaming. This said I will ignore auto-hits or auto-kills & drop the thread completely. FIVE.(Shipping)- I do not mind shipping but there must be chemistry or we must have chatted about it. I am not good at sudden you are in a relationship with zero interaction. Just talk to me. I reserve the right to say No. since if the muse doesn't feel it. I won't force it.

SIX.(Icons)- I use a face claim and something faceless icons. I don't mind as previously mentioned if you use them or not. Its about the story for me. SEVEN. (Exclusives & Mains) - I am happy to have these if you want to be either let me know. Those who are get answered first period. Since I might not have time to get a lot out, in these cases my Mains and my Exclusives have priority. However, if we are exclusive I expect the same treatment if we are Mains it goes for this as well. EIGHT. (Triggers)- I haven't really got many triggers but I am disgusted by animal abuse and please tag terminal illness. Thank you so much. If you have triggers kindly approach me and I will add a TW to anything that bothers you.

NINE. (Memes, Starters & Multi Threads )- Give them all to me. No seriously. I will write as many threads with you as you want. I love making new verses and writing with the same people as much as possible, it gives a sense of friendliness I love! Always feel free to tag me into things.

TEN. (Verses)- I will not writing three-somes or cheating threads. I will make a new verse for any romanticship I have. Ships won't exist in the same verse ever. We do not cheat. A ship might exist in multiple verses and will still be kept singular in the fact it is its own verse.

( I will add to these as needed )

[tunguszka20]

Okay this gonna be long probably but I feel like I have to rant because this has been bothering me for a while. This is gonna be a long and serious post, so feel free to scroll past, also I'll talk about/mention suicide and self-harm so just so those who aren't okay with that know this is gonna involve that, and can scroll past to avoid it.

Okay so for those who don't know, I'm a Christian, and I've been serious about it for a little more than a year (like, seeking God's will on my life, praying and reading the Bible regularly and generally trying to make my life be about God)

And I'm going to a religious school, and there are a LOT of things that piss me off about it. But the thing I hate the most, is my religion teacher. And more specifically, her attitude towards a lot of things. Don't get me wrong, I like her as a person, I've talked with her before and she's nice and okay as a person... But as a teacher. Oh boy, where do I start.

Like, when someone has a question during the lecture, she just tells them that we can't ask questions, or that we have to wait until the end of the class. Even when the goal of religion class would he to talk about, not to get through a material.

And when someone does manage to ask a question, she just dismisses it, and never ever even tries to support her statement with an arguement. Like, seriously, when someone tries to argue with her, she keeps repeating the same one sentence over and over, and she can't just explain her point, you'll just have to accept that.

Like one lesson, we were talking about the Ten Commandments, and we got to the part of "Thou shalt not kill", and she just randomly said that "suicide is a sin" AND REFUSED TO ELBORATE. Like, okay I understand, but if someone asked me why I think that, I'd at least try to explain it. But this teacher, she just said it's a sin and that's it. Suicide is way more complicated that that, and CANNOT be just waved off with "it's a sin".

I've struggled with slef-harm (still do sometimes), and I know it's not what God wants me to do, but if someone said to me that I should stop "because it's a sin", it'd just make things worse. Talking about how it's a sin doesn't help in these situations. At all. Especially if that's your one argument, and you don't understand a thing about what's going on with that person.

Seriously, I just... Don't understand these people.

Sorry for the long post by the way, I just... This has been bothering me for a while now, and I just really needed to write it down.

[deadqcaxds]

before i start, i'd like to clarify that writergram is one of the most welcoming and supportive communities to have ever existed. it is a very fulfilling place to belong to, with a lot to learn and a lot to share.

but as far as i am concerned, i have faced a few problems nevertheless, causing me to vanish from my account for months. the writing community itself has not much role to play in creating them per se, so it can mostly be concluded that i was lacking.

so here are three of the situations i faced and my advice on them. if anyone else out there is going through the same thing, i hope this post helps :D

algorithm— okay, writing community or not, instagram's ever-changing algorithm is a pain in the ass for everyone and coping up with it isn't an easy task. what had me however, was the fact that few people got loads of followers and fantastic engagement somehow, while i kept hitting rock bottom.

and to be very frank, i felt that a few of them didn't even deserve their hype. they had low effort posts, used backgrounds, fonts and colors, i couldn't even read, didn't engage in anyone else's post and didn't follow the most important rule of writergram— supporting others. this was one of the most important reasons why i left. i couldn't agree with the fact that my effort was practically useless.

advice— listen people, it's no use feeling inferior or jealous of others, that's absolutely pathetic. if it triggers you that people are doing so much better with such less labor, block those accounts or restrict them so that you don't get reminded of it continuously.

secondly, the algorithm exists for a reason and even if it is crap, it is still a major method to grow your account. follow it, keep up with it and make sure everyone else keeps up with it in your posts as well. trust me, it takes some time, especially if you are a small account, but it will help you grow exponentially in just a bit. you need a tiny bit of patience for that, so hang in there mate, don't give up :)

school— personally, i cannot relate to this because i'm crap at giving a crap about school, but when i created this account, i was actually at the fag end of my 12th grade in science stream (indians out there can understand the pressure).

so even if i didn't care about my subjects, mentally it was still very taxing and this is coming from someone who has surpassed the limits of irresponsibility (you can ask my friends if you don't believe me).

advice— as many writergrammers have said before, prioritize school. especially if you are the sincere type, PRIORITIZE SCHOOL, PRIORITIZE YOUR GRADES, PRIORITIZE YOURSELF!

please, spending time on your posts is absolutely not worth getting a C or a 70% for (i got them, i'd know). the crushing guilt you'll feel afterwards will kill you., LISTEN TO ME!

mental health— keeping up with the numerous posts of numerous people in your numerous following, genuinely supporting them, trying to keep up with the benchmark other writing accounts seem to reach so easily can be exhausting. i know, i feel you.

and then the regular interaction with people can be extremely nerve wracking for people who overthink anything they text, but unfortunately making friends, and close ones at that, is very essential to the writing community.

advice— take a break oh my god. and i'll repeat that, TAKE A FUCKING BREAK! if you were already on hiatus, EXTEND IT! what do you think matters more? yourself? or the engagement on your posts? no one expects you to post regularly and give your fullest in each of them., so you shouldn't be too hard on yourself either.

and about your insecurity of texting, none of the people here are monsters, if you talk to them about your problems with talking to them, i'm pretty sure you'd be surprised that none of them mind much, well, most of them probably don't even care, they are just happy that you text them at all :D

[secondbeatsongs]

oh I desperately want to know more of your thoughts about iCarly 👉👈

alright, ask and you shall receive! let’s get into it.

so, first, a correction to my last post. in it, I said that we don’t know when Spencer dated Audrey. but in fact, we do!

I checked my notes again, and in s04e05 (iDo), Carly and the gang try to convince a woman to marry her fiance instead of chasing after Spencer (god, what a weird show), and while listing Spencer’s negative qualities, Carly says, "Oh! And he hasn't had a steady girlfriend since high school!"

Spencer is 29 years old here. he’s been going on dates regularly throughout the show, and yet he hasn’t had a serious girlfriend since he dated Audrey in high school.

I’m not saying that this is a bad thing - you don’t need a relationship to be happy or to have a good life - but Spencer’s given up the majority (if not all) of his adult life to take care of Carly, and a relationship is obviously something that he wants.

but I’m not here to talk about Spencer being sad at the lack of a girlfriend - no, I’m here to talk about what Spencer says right after Carly makes the above comment. and what he says is, “Well, not a steady girlfriend per se...”

do you see what I’m getting at here?

Spencer isn’t straight. that’s what I’m getting at.

now, I’m not saying that Spencer is canonically queer - this was a nickelodeon show from 2007; there’s no way they would have made it canon. but this show has a hell of a lot of subtext, and I think it’s time we break down some of it.

let’s go back to season 1.

in s01e05 (iWanna Stay With Spencer), one of Spencer’s sculptures malfunctions and almost seriously injures Carly. their granddad shows up and yells at Spencer for his carelessness, and this is where we start to see that underneath his goofy chaos, Spencer really is a responsible adult, and Carly’s safety and happiness is always his biggest priority.

I mention this episode for a lot of reasons, but firstly, holy shit - we actually get confirmation here that Spencer has been taking care of Carly for at least six years already! it’s shown that he held onto her inhaler just in case, and Carly says the last time she had an asthma attack, she was 7. Spencer’s no newbie at this whole parenting gig - he’s been doing it at least since he was 20!

besides that, I think this episode shows an important but subtle change in Spencer’s character - now, he’s increasingly aware that if he steps out of line, if he makes too many mistakes, Carly will be taken away from him. and he cannot let that happen.

in my opinion, this is where Spencer decides that he’s not going to tell Carly about the fact that he’s queer.

this would explain some of his awkwardness in 01e24 (iWin a Date). in this episode, Spencer joins an online dating service (because 2007 was a different time, and Tinder wasn’t around yet).

he sits down to record a video for his profile - shirt buttoned all the way up, hair slicked down, looking nervous and vulnerable - and he looks into the camera, introduces himself, and then says, “I enjoy people...”

that is...maybe the best description anyone could ever give of Spencer’s sexuality. I think about this scene all the time.

but what Spencer didn’t know here is that Carly was listening to him. he thought he was alone, and the second that he realized that Carly was there, he froze up and stopped talking. because he didn’t want her to know that he’s not straight.

god, it kills me.

I could go on for actual hours about this - about how Spencer must have felt, being solely responsible for his younger sister, wanting her to grow up with love and acceptance, but knowing that there are some things that he just can’t talk about without risking the life he’s built for them - but I will not, because I will cry.

instead, let’s go back to Audrey.

in the finale, this is how Spencer explains who Audrey is: “The most important girlfriend I’ve ever had - the only girl I’ve ever really been in love with.”

you see that wording? look at it. “The only girl I’ve ever really been in love with.” just like in iDo, when he said, “Well, not a steady girlfriend...”

I think those phrases are very telling. so is the part in s02e16 (iDate a Bad Boy) when Carly asks how old Spencer was when he started kissing girls. she could have asked, “How old were you when you had your first kiss?” - that would have sounded normal, but no - she said, “How old were you when you started kissing girls?”

Spencer’s not straight, and Carly knows it, and they can never talk about it.

and it’s not that Spencer’s trying to be subtle about his personality - he’s a confident, quirky guy who’s passionate about art, loves to cook (and is great at it!), and wears weird socks. He doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him rollerblading in the hallway, or saving up tickets to win a stuffed dolphin at the arcade, or doing cosplay - but when Carly walks in on his book club meeting, he gets nervous.

and maybe he was planning on telling Carly - maybe he thought that when she was old enough and there was no threat of their granddad taking her away, he could have that conversation with her.

...and then their dad showed up, and took Carly to Italy.

welp.