#i just chose these two because these are a couple of my original favorite pokemon and i just couldn't keep it to myself. i LOVE these

[originalwinnercheesecake]

Anne, Sasha, and Marcy as Pokemon Trainers

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So apparently my new favorite thing is to take story based family cartoons and turn all the characters into Pokemon trainers. I have already done 2 posts for The Owl House, Gravity falls has a post saved in my drafts, and I have plans for multiple other cartoons. The Owl house just ended, and that has sme poeple talking about Amphibia to again (I know the endings were different, I am not gonna say which ending was better. One show was about the hardships of growing up, one show was about the importance of finding a supportive community). But I figured now was as god as any time to do my Amphibia trio as trainers post. I am only making Anne, Sasha, and Marcy pokemon trainers. The amphibious characters I am using as inspirations for their teams.

ANNE BOONCHUY”S TEAM:

Froakie: It’s a tough little Frog pokemon, and I picked it to represent Anne’s bonds with the Planters and the Frog citizens of Amphibia.

Torracat: Anne loves her cat Domino more than almost anything in the world. When she first tells Sprig and Polly about Domino she states “You would like her. She has fire”. So  I had to give her a fire-type cat pokemon. I chose the second evolution of Litten’s line because Anne has a;ready invested so much time into raising and training Domino, that I feel like she would have already evolved the first time.

A western Gastrodon: I picked this one for a couple reasons. 1.) I really wanted to give Anne a sea based water-type because she mentions that loves the aquarium in her home town and goes there whenever she feels sad. Also while I know a sea slug and a garden snail are not the same thing, Gastrodon still reminded me a bit of Bessie. I went with its Western apparence because it is blue, Anne’s calamity color

Ambipom: Since Tennis is Anne’s sport I tired to find a tennis based pokemon that she could train/play with. There is not any pokemon that are tennis based. So after looking and finding nothing I decided to instead give Anne an Ambipom. She could teach one to play tennis with her. It stands upright and has two gloved hands on its twin tails for holding and swinging a racket.

Honedge and Bronzo: Honedge is a single bade which is the weapon Anne learns to wield during her time on Amphibia. Bronzo is a shield and representative of Anne’s protective nature for towards her friends and her willingness to leap to the defense of those in need

Anne’s team: Froakie, Torracat, Western Gastrodon, Ambipom, Honedge, Bronzo

SASHA WAYBRIGHT”S TEAM

Crogunk: its a fighting toad, and represents Sasha’s bond with Grime and the Toad citizens of Amphibia.

Doublade: Sasha learns to wield dual blades during her time in Amphibia

Pom-Pom style Oricorio: Surprise, surprise there actually is a cheer leading based pokemon. Well actually its 1 pokemon with 4 different styles based on what color flower nectar it is fed. Cheer leading Pom-Pom style is flying and electric, and is maintained by giving it nectar from yellow flowers. I imagine that is what Sasha would feed hers.

Hitmontop and Braixen: So when Sasha creates a introduction title for herself, after hearing General Yuana’s many times, she recounts that she is “Captian of the cheer squad, top scorer on the arcades dance game, and 1st lieutenant of Grimes Army”. She seems equally as proud of her dance skills as she is of her fighting skills, so I gave her two fighting type pokemon that also have moves when it comes to dance

Houndour: okay Sasha is really protective of her loved ones too, but unlike Anne she is a lot more forceful and alpha type. So instead of a shield she gets an alpha guard dog... I also wanted to give her a dog because she cannonly struggles with going back and forth between her parents houses, and according to Matt was just starting to realize her bisexuality during the shows original run and that realization was scaring her. the girl is going through a lot and I feel she needs something furry to pet/hug.

Sasha’s team: Crogunk, Doublade, Pom-pom style Oricorio, Hitmontop, Braixen, Houndour

MARCY WU’S TEAM

Marcy was actually the hardest of the three girls to chose a team for, and I had to change and eliminate some pokemon I had originally picked out for her, but I eventually buit a team that I am satisfied properly represents Marcy’s character

Treeko: It’s a Newt and reprasentative of Marcy’s bonds with Yuana, and lady Olivia and the Newt citizens of Amphibia

Decidueye: I looked for a bow and arrow or crossbow pokemon but no. Deidueye as the only archer pokemon I could find. it’s high level but since Marcy is both the most strategic and researched of the group, as well as an experianced battler I could see her being able to level it up fast.  Still after giving her Decidueye I had to take pigeot (Joe Sparrow) off her list.

Ledyba: Marcy has a notable interest in bugs in the show (ants, spiders, ladybugs, and beetles). I looked at the pokemon counterparts and I picked Ledyba because it looked liked the one that was the least likely to injury her while training.

Lampent: she is good a architecture and public lighting.

Rotom: closest thing I could find to an electrical/ computer based pokemon

Klefki: she wants to go to new and unknown areas to adventure. I did not want to give her an unknown, because I have already given it to a couple other nerd characters and they’re supposed to be rare. So instead I am giving her klefki to unlock new doorways to hidden adventure. plus its a fairy type which appeals to Macy being a fantasy nerd.

Marcy’s team: treekco, Deidueye, Ledyba, Lampen, Rotom, and Klefki.

[protokirby]

Gonna be adding a couple more foxes to the beast au for storyline reasons. Started on one edit a few days ago and another might come once I finish this one someday (also I'm very sorry this ended up being bigger than I meant it)

Can anyone guess who this is based on the pose left from the lines? Hints: It's a pokemon character. Also the dragonfox moth symbols on the clothes don't have any relation to the canon character and are there only due to something in the beast au

Some following stuff you might be clueless about except if you read this post (Long Rambling) Not every detail of course. Some things are more relevant than others. I'm sorry I can't be specific about it.

Anyway beast au specific stuff I needed two characters to be fox or moth or moth fox with extra stuff but not pure moth fox because I needed some guys to be orb temple guards. Pure moth fox beasts would may as well be orb keeping - except for the fact that by this time the orbs are keeping themselves after they got fused to a particular beast in ancient times(azrgeszDraytonkhjujyjcfg) and then said guy was magically sealed away into the orb temple. But anyhoo Needed two guys who would have also been descended from the orb temple keeping family. Specifically two guys who would be there when the sealed one is unsealed (technically he goes on an adventure in another universe and meets cloak guy [before he was cloak guy] the moment he wakes up and nobody in the beast world knew otherwise because of the way time works between universes sometimes but shhh the guards don't need to know that) Anyhoo the two beasts currently guarding the orb temple are from many many hundreds of generations since the day the particular beast was sealed. So all these two guys know of the orbs is that they used to exist and that now they exist in a different way and the orb room must be kept guarded from any threat to ensure what remains of the orbs stays safe.

The two guys I chose, one is a long time favorite character of mine since childhood that I have been thinking about a lot more lately. (also the one whose beast au edit lineart is being shown as a preview) (anyone who guesses correctly who that is gets an imaginary gold star sticker that says "awesome" on it) and the other guy will be Riley, who is one of the characters I go "well he's cool. I think I totally like him" about but at the same time he's actually far away from my favorites list and I regularly forget he exists, despite being slightly fascinated with the dude. I have a psuedo-favorites list I guess(?) and Riley is on it.

It was funny to imagine them hear some noise from the orb room (The beast Drayster returning home from a portal) only to enter it and find that lazy ghost moth fox that he is just on the floor spacing out. Spacing out intentionally. (Riley and the mystery guy just witnessed history enter the present. Kind of. It's not time travel. Beast Drayton just took a "nap"(?) that was so long it may as well have been time travel) The interactions and reactions I thought would happen are good. If I were to write out my paracosm and interlapping alternate universes as fanfiction, I think my fingers would fall off though waaa (Although I have a work in progress fic of one of the major universes but it's written in a discord server and will only have moments interlap with other universes when necessary ghcghh)

So those two (Riley and the guessing game subject) are also descended from beast au Kaitou Joker just like beast au Drayton. (Although, with the amount of generations that passed since Drayton was sealed and the time he was unsealed, he could date either of those two and it wouldn't be sweet home alabama. I'm not going to make him do that anyway though because it still sounds wonk. That would be weird as flip) Beast au Kaitou Joker being the original orb keeper because he went something to the sense of "ooh shiny i want that" to something he should not have touched is still funny to me. Except, until beast Drayton got himself fused to the orbs, the orb keepers before him all just stayed in the orb room monitoring three large floating orbs. But Drayton can go wherever he wants to while still keeping the orbs safe. Question is whether or not he wants to do anything but sit in the orb room all day. Keeping things random and unexpected between different alternate universes is the way I like things to be.

Like- one of my alternate universes has Iris as a cousin to Leon and Hop but most of my other aus don't have that. And that's one of the more normal things. Want crazy? Re-read the thing I said about Kaitou Joker in the previous text block.

Another completely outrageous thing I have is an au Leon who is enemies with his own universe's Hop but hangs out with a different au Hop a lot.

Here's another. Beast au Crispin being raised by beast au Cid Kagenou(the eminence in shadow) and is in beast shadow garden.(shadow garden is a thing in the eminence in shadow. go watch the eminence in shadow [if you want] it's a good anime) Shadow garden is a lion pride in the beast au. In addition to that, beast au Crispin and all of beast au shadow garden existed in an era before the beasts had their own universe and they were among the first beasts who would set foot in what would be the beast world. Also beast Crispin is a legendary warrior still told about to the day of the modern beast world. Beast Cid Kagenou and the rest of beast shadow garden were also ancient warriors alongside Crispin but they kept themselves secret and Crispin got all the fame. The shadows like their secrecy, and Crispin exclusively didn't care if anyone saw his heroics so that meant he would be the only one seen even with shadow garden doing things in the background.

I think I have even weirder but my mind's blanking on that right now

[bagelbitch666]

Thanks for tagging me @clandestinemeetingsinthetrees - this is so exciting!

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs (that I will never reach) you are contractually obligated to get to know better.

Name: Emilee

Gender: Female

Star sign: i had to ask my sister bc astrology is cool but it is confusing and shes better at it than me lol; capricorn sun, sagittarius moon, taurus rising

Height: 5′3

Time: 11:15 PM (EST)

Birthday: December 28

Favorite bands: oof The Doors, Pinegrove, Vampire Weekend, Arctic Monkeys, Mazzy Star, Joyce Manor, Fleetwood Mac, brockhampton, Gorillaz, too many more lmao

Favorite solo artists: Father John Misty, Mitski, Harry Styles, billy joel, there’s more i just can’t think

Last movie: I watched Easy A with my dog last night lol

Last show: I just pulled an all nighter to binge bridgerton a night or two ago and I both hated and loved it

When did i create this blog?: about a month ago? I started a new one to get more involved in the zk community and my old blog originated from my 2011 ish one direction phase and has not been in use for a few years now

What I post: For the most part ATLA content (zutara centered) some general ranting, and fanfiction related stuff. I’m trying to keep it to that lol

Last thing i googled: ngl something about my dog bc she hasn’t been feeling good tonight, I was nervous that I might have to take her to the vet but I think I webmd diagnosed her so I’m gonna play it by ear bc I honestly think she just ate her dinner too quickly lol.

Other blogs: I have my old blog that I used from like 2011-now, and I definitely had another earlier on from like 2009-10 ish

Do i get asks?: I’ve only had a few so far here, but its been really cool to get them - I used to love answering asks on my old blog but I haven’t been active in a couple of years

Why I chose my url: I used it as my pokemon go username forever ago and couldn’t think of something to use on the fly so i went with this lmao i honestly just think its funny

Following: 129

Followers: 26

Average hours of sleep: I have terrible insomnia so it really depends on the kind of day im having i can do 0-3, 5-7, or 9-12 lmao

Instruments: I played cello since I was a kid but haven’t been able to seriously play since high school - I really want to pick it back up again, and I play some bass but I practice every couple of months when i have enough wine lol

What am i wearing: A shirt I wore to work today, and joggers bc I couldn’t handle wearing my dress pants any longer after I got home.

Dream job(s): I’d love to make a living off of my writing one day, at one point I really wanted to say fuck it and be a screenwriter, but now I keep it as more of a hobby. I’d also more realistically like to work in publishing.  

Dream trip: I would love to go back to Italy - specifically the Amalfi coast because that is where my family is from. I got to spend a few days in Sorrento where my great great grandparents lived when I graduated high school. If anything I’d like to live there lol i want to explore the area a bit more - we stopped at pompeii and capri and I wish I could spend some more time there

Favorite food: ive been obsessed with grilled cheese and tomato soup recently - its been a struggle meal but a good one

Nationality: American

Favorite song: Ah this changes so much but I’d say either Aphasia or Darkess by Pinegrove. Those two have been stuck in my head since early fall and I cant get them to go away lol

Last book i read: I think it’s probably twilight tbh a month or two ago I was going to try to reread them all before I read midnight sun and have yet to finish the rest bc of school - might pick it back up on vacation next week

Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: atla, percy jackson, and in general i wish I existed on the same plane as a main character in a jane austen novel

Tagging: @sukkadeservedbetter, @lordmomohismomoness @gemgirl28, @silversandwichbites

[barkers-art]

Did another one of these TLK challenge memes because why the heck not? My First OC: The first TLK OC I created was this lioness I drew back in 2015 named Huzuni. She was basically an early prototype for my character, Zanta. Huzuni more or less had the same backstory (born during Scar's reign and was exiled for helping Nala escape), but one major difference here is that she was originally going to adopt a runaway Kopa. Yeah that's right, I almost went with the cliche "Kopa was attacked by Zira and presumed dead by his family" fan theory before I decided to go with my own take on the guy. I never really did anything with Huzuni beyond this pencil sketch of her before I decided to scrap her after I adopted Zanta's design. My Latest OC: My most recent TLK OC is this guy named Abasi. He's the father of Askari and my version of The First King, so he's obviously a pretty noteworthy figure in my TLK universe. My Favorite OC: This will probably come as a complete shock to no one, but my favorite OC of mine is my Scar x Sarabi girl, Zanta. She's one of my oldest OCs and I just love her so much.    My Fursona's First Design: The first fursona I ever created was this doofy-looking thing I made about 12 years ago during my Neopets days (back when I was 16). She was basically a Xweetok crossed with a Riolu from Pokemon. Yeah, go ahead and cringe. I sure do.   My Fursona's Current Design: And we have my current, less cringey fursona: Barker the Meerkat! Like my first 'sona, I added a couple of my own features (my brown hair, green eyes and the two moles on the left side of my face) when I was designing her. I chose a meerkat to be my fursona since meerkats are my favorite animal. My Favorite OC From Another Artist: For this slot, I decided to go with Lil-Cheetah's Izinyo. The guy has such an interesting backstory and I really dig his design. Original meme is by BullerThePirate and can be found here: www.deviantart.com/bullerthepi…

[robotgirldisc]

Got tagged by @cl0udstrife

gonna tag mutuals I know or who my brain have just chosen to imprint on for random reasons, idk if I’ll reach 20: @mandymilkovich @cleophidian @frogonadogonaloginabog @gardenersgossip @transgirlterezipyrope @rainyshome @shining-dawn @soshiro42 @dibsontucker

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better  

name: Emma

gender: I guess genderfluid is probably most accurate, although I’m usually in she/her mode like 80-90% of the time

star sign: Gemini, idk what that mmeans, but I like to joke that it’s because I’m so two-faced

height: 1.69m (5′6′’) (actually pretty happy about how “androgymous” this height is)

time: 1:41AM (2:21AM at time of posting, I’m slow...)

birthday: in the summer

favorite bands: Does Starkid count?

favorite solo artists: I’m not interested enough to have one? my music taste consists of: meme-music, musical soundtracks and Weeby vocaloid beats to study and chill to (I can’t write and listen to music I understand at the same time, it get’s all jumbled up in my brain)

last movie: Little miss Norway, a Norwegian Children’s horror movie,

last show: I’m still catching up on the last season of Hero Academia, so it was probably that

when did you create this blog: Maybe 5 years ago? I had another blog, but my younger sister found it so I abandoned it

what do i post: I usually just reblog memes, but I’ve been missing playing Magic the Gathering recently, so there have been a couple of original Commander posts recently, I really want to learn to build more casual decks than what all the content creators on youtube are pushing, they tend not to be super fun to play against

last thing googled: "pokemon types redesigned” I was looking for a blog post I read 5-7 years ago, the author simplified the pokemon type system down to the most essential 7, and it lives rent free in my head, but I can’t find it

do i get asks: nope

why i chose my url:I randomly generated one, the one I got was a little to masc for me, so I feminized it

why you originally joined tumblr: the girl-gang who “adopted” me in middle school all used  tumblr, so I joined, mostly for mean girls memes at first I guess safsdgfgr

why you stayed: The fact there’s no algorithm here is way more relaxing than other social media. If I “lose” a post after an hour of scrolling, I can usually find it again with some effort, on other sites it’s gone forever

average hours of sleep: 5 lately

lucky numbers: 13

instruments: we got an old piano from my grandma, but I only know 2 very short songs on it

what am i wearing: I sleep in boxers and a t-shirt, so that

dream job: I enjoy physical labor where I don’t have to think too much and I can leave the work once I go home for the day. My hobbies are Think-y Enough. I think I would enjoy doing child-care, but as a trans-person, I *really* don’t want to have to deal with every aspect of my identity being open to questioning and harassment from parents

dream trip: I have been to England a couple of times already, but I’m def going again as soon as it’s safe again

last book i read: last I finished? probably the Hobbit, and that’s like 6 years ago at this point. I recently started rereading the Phenomena series that I read in middle school, but haven’t really set aside time to finish it,

favorite food: this tomato sauce my best friend taught me to make when they visited, I usually can’t stand tomatoes, but I make this one every opportunity I get

nationality: Norwegian

favorite song: florence + the machine wish that you were here

top three fictional universes: Harry Potter (it feels a little Tainted at this point, but I spent a loot of my childhood an teens hyper obsessing with this world, so I can’t really let go), Pokemon and Quarry Junction (and OC town me and my best friend developed together over multiple sessions of Microscope and Monsterhears 2. Juvenile delinquent werewolves, bitchy vampires, and an immortal lesbian Doctor Frankenstein, all in a run-down mining town in the Nevadan desert)

[achronologyofbits]

GOTY 2019

I wanted to write a personal Game of the Year list, but I realized I really didn’t play that many games that were new in 2019. So I’m ranking them, but it’s less a “top 10” and more a “10 games I played and how I felt about them.”  

10. Kingdom Hearts III

Kingdom Hearts III plays like a game from 2005.

I’m not sure I can fully articulate what I mean by that. Maybe I mean its combat is largely simplistic and button-mashy. Maybe I mean its rhythms of level traversal and cutscene exposition dumps are archaic and outdated. Maybe feeling like this game is a relic from another time is unavoidable, given how many years have passed since its first series entry.  

But there’s also something joyful and celebratory about it all — something kind of refreshing about a work that knows only a tiny portion of its players will understand all its references and lore and world-building, and just doesn’t care.

Despite all the mockery and memery surrounding its fiction, Kingdom Hearts’ strongest storytelling moments are actually pretty simple. They’re about the struggle to exist, to belong, and to define what those things mean for yourself. I think that’s why the series reaches the people it does.

Those moments make Kingdom Hearts III worth defending, if not worth recommending.

9. Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Admittedly, I only played about 10-15 hours of this in 2019. Perhaps fittingly, that’s about the amount of time I originally spent on Dark Souls when it released in 2011. I bounced off, hard, because I didn’t understand what it was asking of me. Once I did — though, it has to be said, I needed other people to explain those expectations to me, because the game sure as hell didn’t — Dark Souls became an all-time favorite. And I’ve played every FromSoft game since then, and enjoyed them all. Until Sekiro.

Part of it is, again, down to expectation. Dark Souls trained its players on a certain style of combat: cautious movements, careful attention to spacing, committing to weighty attacks, waiting for counterattacks. In every game since then, FromSoft have iterated on those expectations in the same direction in an attempt to encourage players to be less cautious and more aggressive. The series moved from tank-heavy play in Dark Souls, to dual-wielding in DS2, to weapon arts and reworking poise in DS3, to the system of regaining health by attacking in Bloodborne.

In some ways, Sekiro is a natural continuation of this trend toward aggression, but in others, it’s a complete U-turn. Bloodborne eschewed blocking and prioritized dodging as the quickest, most effective defensive option. Sekiro does exactly the opposite. Blocking is always your first choice, parrying is essential instead of largely optional, and dodging is near useless except in special cases. FromSoft spent five games teaching me my habits, and it was just too hard for me to break them for Sekiro.

I have other issues, too — health/damage upgrades are gated behind boss fights, so grinding is pointless; the setting and story lack some of the creativity of the game’s predecessors; there’s no variety of builds or playstyles — but the FromSoft magic is still there, too. Nothing can match the feeling of beating a Souls-series boss. And the addition of a grappling hook makes the verticality of Sekiro’s level design fascinating.

I dunno. I feel like there’s more here I’d enjoy, if I ever manage to push through the barriers. Maybe — as I finally did with the first Dark Souls, over a year after its release — someday I will.

8. Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order

In December, my wife and I traveled to Newport Beach for a family wedding, and we stayed an extra day to visit Disneyland. As an early birthday present, Aubrey bought me the experience of building a lightsaber in Galaxy’s Edge. And the experience is definitely what you’re paying for; the lightsaber itself is cool, but it’s cool because it’s made from parts I selected, with a blade color I chose, and I got to riff and banter with in-character park employees while doing it. (“Can you actually read those?” one asked me in an awed voice, when I selected a lightsaber hilt portion adorned with ancient Jedi runes. “Not yet,” I told her. “We’ll see if the Force can teach me.”)

Maybe it’s because I just had that experience, but by far my favorite moment in Jedi: Fallen Order is when main character Cal Kestis overcomes his own fears and memories to forge his own lightsaber, using a kyber crystal that calls to him personally. It’s maybe the only part of the game that made me feel like a Jedi, in a way the hours of Souls-inspired lightsaber slashing didn’t.

I think that’s telling. And I think it’s because so much of Fallen Order is derivative of other works, both in the current canon of gaming and of Star Wars. That’s not to say it’s bad — the mélange of Uncharted/Tomb Raider traversal, combat that evokes Souls and God of War, and vaguely Metroid-y power acquisition and exploration mostly works — but it’s just a titch less than the sum of those parts.

Similarly, as a Star Wars story, it feels under-baked. There’s potential in exploring the period immediately after Order 66 and the Jedi purge, but you only see glimpses of that. And I understand the difficulty of telling a story where the characters succeed but in a way that doesn’t affect established canon, but it still seemed like there were a couple of missed opportunities at touching base with the larger Star Wars universe. (And the one big reference that does pop up at the end feels forced and unrealistic.)

When I got home from California, I took my lightsaber apart just to see how it all worked. Outside of the hushed tones and glowing lights of Savi’s Workshop, it seems a little less special. It’s still really cool…but I sort of wish I had had a wider variety of parts to choose from. And that I had bought some of the other crystal colors. Just in case.

That’s how I feel about Jedi: Fallen Order. I had fun with it. But it’s easier now to see the parts for what they are.

7. Untitled Goose Game

Aubrey and I first saw this game at PAX, at a booth which charmingly recreated the garden of the game’s first level. We were instantly smitten, and as I’ve introduced it to family and friends, they’ve all had the same reaction. When we visited my brother’s family in Florida over the holidays, my eight-year-old niece and nephew peppered me with questions about some of the more complex puzzles. Even my father, whose gaming experience basically topped out at NES Open Tournament Golf in 1991, gave it a shot.

I’m not sure I have a lot more to say here, other than a few bullet points:

1) I love that Untitled Goose Game is completely nonviolent. It would’ve been easy to add a “peck” option as another gameplay verb, another means of mischief. (And, from what I understand, it would be entirely appropriate, given the aggression of actual geese.) That the developers resisted this is refreshing.

2) I’m glad a game this size can have such a wide reach, and that it doesn’t have to be a platform exclusive.

3) Honk.

6. Tetris 99

Despite the number of hours I’ve spent playing games, and the variety of genres that time has spanned, I’m not much for competitive gaming. This is partially because the competitive aspect of my personality has waned with age, and partially because I am extremely bad at most multiplayer games.

The one exception to this is Tetris.

I am a Tetris GOD.

Of course, that’s an incredible overstatement. Now that I’ve seen real Ecstasy of Order, Grandmaster-level Tetris players, I realize how mediocre I am. But in my real, actual life, I have never found anyone near my skill level. In high school, I would bring two Game Boys, two copies of Tetris, and a link cable on long bus rides to marching band competitions, hoping to find willing challengers. The Game Boys themselves became very popular. Playing me did not.

Prior to Tetris 99, the only version of the game that gave me any shred of humility in a competitive sense was Tetris DS, where Japanese players I found online routinely handed me my ass. I held my own, too, but that was the first time in my life when I wasn’t light-years beyond any opponent.

As time passed and internet gaming and culture became more accessible, I soon realized I was nowhere near the true best Tetris players in the world. Which was okay by me. I’m happy to be a big fish in a small pond, in pretty much all aspects of my life.

Tetris 99 has given me a perfectly sized pond. I feel like I’m a favorite to win every round I play, and I usually finish in the top 10 or higher. But it’s also always a challenge, because there’s just enough metagame to navigate. Have I targeted the right enemies? Do I have enough badges to make my Tetrises hit harder? Can I stay below the radar for long enough? These aspects go beyond and combine with the fundamental piece-dropping in a way I absolutely love.

The one thing I haven’t done yet is win an Invictus match (a mode reserved only for those who have won a standard 99-player match). But it’s only a matter of time.  

5. Pokemon Sword/Shield

I don’t think I’ve played a Pokemon game through to completion since the originals. I always buy them, but I always seem to lose steam halfway through. But I finished Shield over the holidays, and I had a blast doing it.

Because I’m a mostly casual Pokeplayer, the decision to not include every ‘mon in series history didn’t bother me at all. I really enjoyed learning about new Pokemon and forcing myself to try moving away from my usual standards. (Although I did still use a Gyarados in my final team.)

As a fan of English soccer, the stadium-centric, British-flavored setting also contributed to my desire to see the game through. Changing into my uniform and walking onto a huge, grassy pitch, with tens of thousands of cheering fans looking on, really did give me a different feeling than battles in past games, which always seemed to be in weird, isolated settings.

I’m not sure I’ll push too far into the postgame; I’ve never felt the need to catch ‘em all. But I had a great time with the ones I caught.

4. The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

I have a strange relationship with the Zelda series, especially now. They are my wife’s favorite games of all time. But I don’t know if I’ve ever actually sat down and beaten one since the original Link’s Awakening. Even with Breath of the Wild, which I adore, I was content to watch Aubrey do the heavy lifting. I know the series well, I’ve played bits of all of them, but most haven’t stuck with me.

Link’s Awakening has. I wrote a piece once about its existential storytelling and how it affected me as a child. I love the way the graphics in this remake preserve that dreamlike quality. It’s pretty much a re-skin of the original game, but the cutesy, toy-set aesthetic pairs well with the heavy material. If this is all a dream, whose dream is it? And when we wake up, what happens to it?

Truthfully, some of the puzzles and design decisions haven’t held up super well. Despite the fresh coat of paint, it definitely feels like a 25-year-old game. But I’m so glad this version exists.

Oh, and that solo clarinet in the Mabe Village theme? *Chef’s kiss*

3. Control

I actually haven’t seen a lot of the influences Control wears on its sleeve. I’ve never gone completely through all the episodes of the X-Files, Fringe, and Twin Peaks; I’m only vaguely familiar with the series of “creepypasta” fiction called SCP Foundation; and I have never endeavored to sit through a broadcast of Coast to Coast AM. I’m also unfamiliar with Remedy’s best-known work in the genre, Alan Wake. But I know enough about all those works to be able to identify their inspiration on the Federal Bureau of Control, Jesse Faden, and the Oldest House.

Control is an interesting game to recommend (which I do), because I’m not sure how much I really enjoyed its combat. For most of the game, it’s a pretty standard third-person shooter. You can’t snap to cover, which indicates you’re intended to stay on the move. This becomes even more obvious when you gain the ability to air dash and fly. But you do need to use cover, because Jesse doesn’t have much health even at the end of the game. So combat encounters can get out of hand quickly, and there’s little incentive to keep fighting enemies in the late game. Yet they respawn at a frustratingly frequent rate. The game’s checkpointing system compounds this — you only respawn at “control points,” which act like Souls-style bonfires. This leads to some unfortunately tedious runbacks after boss fights.

On the other hand, Jesse’s telekinesis power always feels fantastic, and varying your attacks between gunshots, thrown objects, melee, and mind controlling enemies can be frenetic fun. That all comes to a head in the game’s combat (and perhaps aesthetic?) high point, the Ashtray Maze. To say more would be doing a disservice. It’s awesome.

The rest of the gameplay is awesome, too — and I do call it “gameplay,” though unfortunately you don’t have many options for affecting the world beyond violence. The act of exploring the Oldest House and scouring it for bureaucratic case files, audio recordings, and those unbelievably creepy “Threshold Kids” videos is pure joy. The way the case files are redacted leaves just enough to the imagination, and the idea of a federal facility being built on top of and absorbed into a sort of nexus of interdimensional weirdness is perfectly executed. And what’s up with that motel? And the alien, all-seeing, vaguely sinister Board? So cool.

With such great worldbuilding, I did wish for a little more player agency. There are no real dialogue choices — no way to imbue Jesse with any character traits beyond what’s pre-written for her — and only one ending. This kind of unchecked weird science is the perfect environment for forcing the player into difficult decisions (what do we study? How far is too far? How do we keep it all secret?), and that just isn’t part of the game at all. Which is fine — Control isn’t quite an immersive sim like Prey, and it’s not trying to be. I just see some similarities and potential, and I wish they had been explored a little.

But Control’s still a fantastic experience, and in any other year, it probably would’ve been my number one pick. That’s how good these next two games are.

2. Outer Wilds

Honestly, this is the best game of 2019. But I’m not listing it as number one because I didn’t play most of it — Aubrey did. Usually we play everything together; even if we’re not passing a controller back and forth, one of us will watch while the other one plays. And that definitely happened for a large chunk of Outer Wilds. But Aubrey did make some key discoveries while I was otherwise occupied, so while I think it’s probably the best game, it’s not the one I personally spent the most time with.

The time I did spend, though? Wow. From the moment you wake up at the campfire and set off in search of your spaceship launch codes, it’s clear that this is a game that revels in discovery. Discovery for its own sake, for the furthering of knowledge, for the protection of others, for the sheer fun of it. Some games actively discourage players from asking the question, “Hey, what’s that over there?” Outer Wilds begs you to ask it, and then rewards you not with treasure or statistical growth, but with the opportunity to ask again, about something even more wondrous and significant.

There are so many memorable moments of discovery in this game. The discovery that, hey, does that sun look redder to you than it used to? The discovery that, whoa, why did I wake up where I started after seemingly dying in space? Your first trip through a black hole. Your first trip to the quantum moon. Your first trip to the weird, bigger-on-the-inside fog-filled heart of a certain dark, brambly place. (Aubrey won’t forget that any time soon.)

They take effort, those moments. They do have to be earned, and it isn’t easy. Your spaceship flies like it looks: sketchy, taped together, powered by ingenuity and, like, marshmallows, probably. Some of the leaps you have to make — both of intuition and of jetpack — are a little too far. (We weren’t too proud to look up a couple hints when we were truly stuck.) But in the tradition of the best adventure games (which is what this is, at heart), you have everything you need right from the beginning. All you have to do is gather the knowledge to understand it and put it into action.

And beyond those moments of logical and graphical discovery, there’s real emotion and pathos, too. As you explore the remnants of the lost civilization that preceded yours, your only method of communication is reading their writing. And as you do, you start to get a picture of them not just as individuals (who fight, flirt, and work together to help each other), but as a species whose boundless thirst for discovery was their greatest asset, highest priority, undoing, and salvation, all at once.

I don’t think I can say much more without delving into spoilers, or retreading ground others have covered. (Go read Austin Walker’s beautiful and insightful review for more.) It’s an incredible game, and one everyone with even a passing interest in the medium should try.

(Last thing: Yes, I manually flew to the Sun Station and got inside. No, I don’t recommend it.)

1. Fire Emblem: Three Houses

If I hadn’t just started a replay of this game, I don’t think I’d be listing it in the number one slot. I started a replay because I showed it to my brother when we visited him in Florida last month, and immediately, all the old feelings came flooding back. I needed another hit.

No game this year has been as compelling for me. That’s an overused word in entertainment criticism, but I mean it literally: There have been nights where I absolutely HAVE to keep playing (much to Aubrey’s dismay). One more week of in-game time. One more study session to raise a skill rank. One more meal together so I can recruit another student. One more battle. Just a little longer.

I’m not sure I can put my finger on the source of that compulsion. Part of it is the excellence of craftsmanship on display; if any technical or creative aspect of Three Houses was less polished than it is, I probably wouldn’t feel so drawn to it. But the two big answers, I think, are the characters and their growth, both mechanically and narratively.

At the start of the game, you pick one of the titular three houses to oversee as professor. While this choice defines who you’ll have in your starting party, that can be mitigated later, as almost every other student from the other two houses can be recruited to join yours. What you’re really choosing is which perspective you’ll see the events of the story from, and through whose eyes: Edelgard of the Black Eagles, Dimitri of the Blue Lions, or Claude of the Golden Deer. (This is also why the game almost demands at least three playthroughs.)

These three narratives are deftly written so you simultaneously feel like you made the only possible canonical choice, while also sowing questions into your decision-making. Edelgard’s furious desire for change is just but perhaps not justifiable; Dimitri hides an obsession with revenge behind a façade of noblesse oblige; Claude is more conniving and pragmatic than he lets on. No matter who you side with, you’ll eventually have to face the others. And everyone can make a case that they, not you, are on the right side.

This is especially effective because almost every character in Three Houses is dealing with a legacy of war and violence. A big theme of the game’s story is how those experiences inform and influence the actions of the victims. What steps are justified to counteract such suffering? How do you break the cycle if you can’t break the power structures that perpetuate it? How do good people end up fighting for bad causes?

While you and your child soldiers (yeah, you do kind of have to just skip over that part; they’re in their late teens, at least? Still not good enough, but could be worse?) are grappling with these questions, they’re also growing in combat strength, at your direction. This is the part that really grabbed me and my lizard brain — watching those numbers get bigger was unbelievably gratifying. Each character class has certain skill requirement prerequisites, and as professor, you get to define how your students meet those requirements, and which they focus on. Each student has certain innate skills, but they also have hidden interests that only come to the surface with guidance. A character who seems a shoo-in to serve as a white mage might secretly make an incredibly effective knight; someone who seems destined for a life as a swordsman suddenly shows a talent for black magic. You can lean into their predilections, or go against them, with almost equal efficacy.

For me, this was the best part of Three Houses, and the part that kept me up long after my wife had gone to bed. Planning a student’s final battle role takes far-seeing planning and preparation, and each step along the way felt thrilling. How can you not forge a connection with characters you’ve taken such pains to help along the way? How can you not explode with joy when they reach their goals?

That’s the real draw of Fire Emblem: Three Houses, I think: the joy of seeing people you care about grow, while simultaneously confronting those you once cared about, but who followed another path. No wonder I wanted to start another playthrough. I think I’ll be starting them all over again for a long time.

[worksofphiction]

Hi! For the request thing, can you please write a really angsty hurt comfort sick fic with a happy ending? Maybe friends to lovers. Preferable if Phil is the one going through most of the hurt and being comforted but doesn't necessarily have to focus on one person. Either this or a Hogwarts au with insecure but talented Hufflepuff Phil and very kind and loving Slytherin Dan?

Itching with Jealousy (The Chicken Pox Fic)

Read on Ao3

Summary: Dan and Phil go to LA to spend some time with their good friend Anthony. But what happens when Phil’s bad luck gets him sick and he has to listen to the love of his life fall for another guy?Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, SmutWord Count: 13,840Reading Time: 00:51:07Disclaimer: Characters are works of fiction and no copyright infringement is intended. I do not own Dan or Phil and as far as I know, this never happened.

LA was hotter than England, and Phil was not having it. His fringe was sticking to his forehead and he was trying to keep up with Dan who was uncharacteristically speed walking down the sidewalk. It was the day after Vidcon ended and Dan had to be exhausted. Phil was. Phil wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, but he was hustling and Phil was working hard to follow.

“Come on, Phil! We don’t have all day!” Dan insisted, turning to find his friend a couple paces back.

“No, Dan, that’s the point. We literally do have all day. We’re spending the night, remember?” Phil answered, surprised that his claim actually worked. Dan slowed down the slightest bit and lined his pace up with his best friend’s. “Why are you in such a hurry anyways?”

They were headed to their good friend Anthony’s apartment where they would be spending the night and Dan would be helping film a collab. Anthony had called weeks ago and Dan had known about this film collab ever since. He hadn’t told Phil much about it and usually, that meant that it wasn’t anything special. But today Dan was walking faster and rushing his friend along, which was strange behavior for the brown haired one.

“I just don’t want to keep him waiting,” Dan admitted, shoving his hands into his tight pockets as he walked at a normal pace. They were only a couple blocks away now and Dan looked to be calming down.

Usually, the internet pegged Dan for the heart eyes and the hopeless love for his friend but oh how Phil wished it were true. Secretly, Lester had the love eyes of a dove and he tried his hardest to hide it. Dan was his everything. When he waltzed into Phil’s life, everything changed. He loved Dan and in turn, learned to love himself. Being 22 with no real job or direction, Phil had his life in tangles. Meeting someone like Dan, who was insecure himself, helped him realize that his life wasn’t all that bad. That things were okay if he just chose to see them that way. He fell hopelessly and hard for the brown eyed boy, which in turn, helped things fall into place.

It’s hard to remember a time before he was in love with Dan, but he remembers quite clearly the day that he realized it. They were spending a week at Phil’s house shortly after they first met in person and Dan was lying next to him in bed after playing a couple intense games of Mario Kart. Phil looked over and saw Dan’s beautiful smile and he promised never to let this boy go. The happiness was radiating off the younger boy’s body like some sort of drug. Phil could catch a smile from only a glance which Phil had never experienced before. If Phil lost the only thing he loved, he would never forgive himself.

Now 8 years later, Phil Lester still hadn’t let go. But he didn’t say a thing or admit to his crush either. He was too afraid to take the risk. Sometimes Dan would get close to him and snuggle up against Phil on the sofa - as friends do? - and Phil would get an inkling that perhaps the other boy felt a certain way about him as well. But shortly after, if he mustered the courage the test out that conversation, Dan would do something that suggested he might not feel the way Phil originally thought. Phil’s anxiety almost always beat him to the punch and he hated that he second guessed each instinct. For example, just last week, Dan came home with flowers for Phil. His favorite flowers in fact. Dan had remembered. So Phil took them with glee and placed them on the table to admire while they ate. A few smiley days went by and Phil contemplated what those flowers could mean. Was this Dan’s way of trying to hint at Phil that he liked him? Was Dan suddenly realizing that Phil was the one all along? He even thought about asking. But Phil’s anxiety stopped him and when Dan’s phone rang a few days later and Dan shouted from the kitchen that Phil “could answer it,” Phil found out that he had sent flowers to his parents as well. So Phil banged his head against the table and shook the thoughts back to the spot they always sat, waiting for another reason to let them out.

Then there was Vidcon. The most stressful “vacation” of the year. Of course, Phil loved meeting his fans and attending panels, but the thing Phil loved the most about it was getting to spend every waking hour with his best friend. They even lucked out this year and got to share a hotel room, something Phil missed about their younger years. As they become more well known by the Youtuber community, they were offered bigger rooms, separate quarters and different schedules. Even when Dan commented about their “lack of space,” Phil just nodded and pretended he was bothered like he probably should be. Phil’s silence was expected in these sorts of situations and Dan just looked back down at his luggage as Phil’s eyes lingered on the love of his life for two more seconds.

Phil was currently staring at the back of Dan’s perfect head as they walked the hot pavement of LA. His neck wasn’t beading from sweat in the LA heat and Phil was sweating buckets. Dan hated getting sweaty and surely he’d be sweating by now in that obnoxiously big sweater. Something was off but Phil couldn’t place it.

“Phil we’re literally almost there, stop dragging your feet!” Dan called to Phil who was suddenly not feeling so hot. Was Dan moving fast or was Phil actually slowing down? He was feeling quite dizzy and now kind of hoping Anthony lived closer than a few feet because he was going to vomit if he had to walk anymore. “Dude, what’s taking you so-”

Dan turned around and froze when he saw the state that Phil was in. Phil must have looked pretty ill because Dan’s mouth was slightly open as if he wanted to finish his accusation but his brain wouldn’t let him. Phil stopped moving forward and Dan narrowed his eyes in a confused manner.

“Dear God, Phil. You look horrible…”

“Gee thanks,” Phil replied but regretted it immediately. His voice sounded like someone had ripped out his larynx and stomped on it a few times for good measure. Holy shit. Was LA finally killing him?

“Okay, only like 14 more feet,” Dan said as he looked down at his GPS. “Are you gonna make it?”

He almost asked as if Phil might need a gurney.

Phil just nodded and pushed through, mentally telling himself that maybe he needed a nap. He scratched the back of his neck where the sweat was pooling and carried on for the rest of the distance.

“Finally!” Anthony greeted them with a joke, his eyes landing on Dan first, promptly offering a hug. When they finally pulled apart, Anthony glanced at Phil and his brows furrowed. “Phil?”

“Phil!” Dan grabbed Phil’s shoulder and actually pulled him towards him because he was about to fall down the short concrete stoop they were stood on. “Maybe you should get a rest?”

Phil just nodded, things getting a little blurry. Was this what heat stroke felt like? He could have sworn he drank enough water today. He was hydrated, full of protein from his continental breakfast and had gotten plenty of sleep. So what the hell was wrong with him?

Anthony guided them to his spare bedroom and told the two that they could sort out who got the bed and who got the couch later. For now, Phil was placed into the fluffy white sheets that couldn’t look more inviting.

“Thanks, guys…” Phil mumbled, his eyes shutting and his hand reaching for the swampy nape below his hairline. He scratched it again and propped his head up on some pillows. “I’m sorry, Anthony. It’s good to see you.”

Dan laughed, at least someone was, and patted Phil’s leg.

“Get some rest. We’ll be fine without you for a minute, right Anthony?” Dan confirmed, mentioning something about wanting to talk to him about Pokemon. Phil nodded and watched as the two left the room with a slight wave and a sympathetic glance.

“I’ll be fine in a couple hours…” Phil told the empty room, hoping maybe they heard. But at the current moment, he couldn’t care. Sleep was tugging him and he was gladly going with.

-

Phil woke up with a sharp sensation on his stomach.

“Ow!” He sat up and scratched at what seemed to be a bug bite. He lifted his shirt and saw the little red bump that had become irritated quite quickly. He gasped and threw back the covers. Maybe there was a bee in the bed? He found it completely unlikely, but this was Phil Lester and honestly, he’d had worse.

Then he felt the same sensation on his leg and he jumped. He lifted his leg and found not one, not two, but three bites on his calf.

“What the…?” He searched the bed like a crazy person and thought that perhaps Anthony had ants? It was completely possible. Ants were small and LA was like a breeding ground for insects. The weather was nice and the bugs really liked that. But he searched for minutes and found nothing. All he found was a damp spot where he had once laid, his hot body had apparently sweat through his clothes and into the sheets. He grimaced at the thought of being so sweaty so he lifted his shirt from the bottom and threw it off to the side. He was hot anyway and perhaps that would help. Was he getting a hot flash? He certainly wasn’t at the age of heart failure. What the hell was happening to him?

His hand flew up to the now extremely irritated spot on the back of his neck, scratching at it and finding relief in the sharp pain of his fingernails. He had never felt this way before and it was starting to concern him. Maybe if he got out of bed, it would help cool him down. He might as well go find Anthony and let him know about the sheets…

He stood from his damp spot and caught himself before falling over. He was super dizzy and his head was throbbing from what Phil guessed was some sort of vertigo. This was the kind of pain that Phil only assumed happened in those zombie movies on TV. He would have laughed at his own thought but his head hurt too much to speak now so he just waddled forward and out of the door as he tried not to think about the itch on his neck.

He made his way down the hallway and towards the sound of pots and pans. It was still light out, thank God, so Dan and Anthony were probably cooking a meal - Phil hoped it was lunch and he hadn’t been out for too terribly long.

But when he walked into the kitchen, Dan nearly spit out the wine cooler he had been sipping.

“Holy fucking shit, Phil.” Dan’s hand landed on his chest and Anthony turned to face Phil’s slumping form, a shocked expression spreading across his face. Dan actually backed up against the counter. Suddenly, Phil’s thought about a zombie breakout didn’t seem so far-fetched. He stood silently as he tried to read their expressions.

“Phil…” Anthony started, glancing at Dan as if he would finish his sentence.

“I really don’t feel good…maybe I should…” Phil grabbed the wall so he wouldn’t fall over. Speaking took every ounce of energy from his body. His heart was beating faster but everything was going in slow motion. Dan looked like he wanted to lunge to catch Phil’s teetering body, but he stopped himself and Phil just assumed it was because he didn’t want to act all couplely in front of Anthony. This was kind of a pattern with his younger companion. The stuff that Phil usually associated with flirting only happened behind closed doors. Never in front of their other friends. Which is why none of them would believe him if he told them he thought Dan had the hots for him every now and then.

“Are those…?” Dan’s voice was higher than usual, generally signaling that something was wrong. “…bug bites?”

Phil nodded but he could see Anthony shaking his head.

“No, Dan, those aren’t bites…” he said it slowly, stepping towards Phil very carefully to get a closer look. “I think those are…chicken pox.”

“Chicken pox?” Both Dan and Phil spoke at the same time with the same inflection.

“No no no no no,” Phil mumbled, his lips getting dryer by the second. “I can’t…I don’t have chicken pox.”

“No, Phil, I’m pretty sure…” Anthony backed away at the same speed he had moved towards him. “I know chicken pox when I see them. Kalel got them pretty bad when we first started dating.”

The silence in the room was honestly unsettling. Phil didn’t like the sound of this. He didn’t know much about chicken pox, as he never got it when he was a kid, but he knew it meant that he was sick and not with the common cold he usually left Vidcon with.

“Fuck!” Dan exclaimed, his eyes landing on his hands. “Phil, I swear if you got us both sick I’m going to kill you.”

He went to the sink and washed his hands immediately, even though it probably did nothing in terms of disease prevention. Anthony shot Phil a caring glance, obviously not used to Dan’s humor. Phil knew he was joking but kind of wished he wasn’t. Phil would take death right now. Anything but how itchy he had become.

He looked down at his irritated chest and suddenly understood why they had stared at him as if he had 13 heads. He had at least 30 little red bumps littering his chest and abdomen. He looked like an advanced dot-to-dot puzzle that would take hours to complete.

“You really should get back into bed,” Anthony said, his eyebrows up in a sympathetic gaze. “I’ve never had chicken pox and I’m not really into the idea of getting it when I’m 29, thank you very much.”

Phil’s eyes drifted to Dan who was now drying off his hands on a dish towel behind the counter.

“Don’t look at me! I haven’t had it either. Sorry, mate, I’m staying over here,” Dan shook his head and bit his lip. Phil could tell that he felt bad but there wasn’t much he could do about the situation. Unless he wanted to catch the pox himself which Phil was nearly certain wasn’t the case.

Phil hung his head and nodded, hoping he wasn’t being too dramatic as he exited the room. He was yawning and luckily his fatigue would put him right to sleep. That was the hope anyway. He climbed back into the soggy bed and tried to ignore how itchy his entire body had become. What the hell had he done to deserve this?

-

Phil was drifting in and out of sleep for hours. He tossed and turned and couldn’t manage comfort at all. He had strange nightmares that morphed with his reality. The walls were thin and he could hear conversations happening in the lounge. Dan and Anthony must have put on a movie because he could hear car racing through the wall. However, he wouldn’t have been surprised if it was just his imagination.

He was awoken by a creak of the door and the entrance of a head into the crack. He glanced over with his blurry vision and thought he could make out the shape of Dan’s face. Anthony and Dan looked enough alike and he said nothing, just in case, but the familiar British accent comforted him when Dan finally spoke.

“You doing okay?” He asked gently, knowing the answer with a single glance. Phil was clearly in terrible shape and he was the type to look deathly ill when it was just a cold.

Phil shook his head and sighed. Dan nodded, probably assuming that Phil didn’t want to talk. Thank God they knew each other so well. Phil couldn’t imagine what would have happened if it were just him and Anthony.

“So listen…” Dan wasn’t coming into the room, for obvious reasons, but Phil didn’t like the way he stood in the door. His head was peeking through a crack and it almost looked like he wouldn’t breathe in the air that was coming from Phil’s direction. Phil knew that Dan was being cautious but his sick mind was convincing him otherwise. As if Phil was disgusting him. He thanked his irrational brain for that mindset and tried to shake it. “Our flight is at 9:00 pm tomorrow. I don’t know much about chicken pox, but I don’t think you can fly home while you have it.”

Phil hadn’t thought about this. He hadn’t had time. But Dan was right. His dad got the measles once when he was a kid and couldn’t go on the family vacation to Florida. Airlines were serious about this stuff and surely Phil was in no condition to fly anyways.

So was Dan going to fly home without him? That didn’t seem like a good idea. He barely knew Anthony. He couldn’t stay here. And if he did leave and go buy a hotel room, he would have to take care of everything himself. No way. Dan wouldn’t leave him…would he?

“Are you gonna…?” Phil mumbled, trying to get all of his worries across in those three words. His tone was rather clear. Dan’s eyes widened as if he understood.

“No no! That’s what I came here to tell you.” Phil felt the relief wash over him. Dan was a good friend after all. “Anthony said we are more than welcome to stay here. It’s cheaper than a hotel and honestly, you don’t seem like you can move. We can worry about a flight later when you’re feeling a little bit better, yeah?”

Phil nodded, so grateful that Dan knew everything about him, including his hypochondriac habits.

“Great.” Dan shifted where he stood. “Can I get you anything while I’m back here?”

Anthony’s guest room was the furthest door from the front of his flat. Phil was nicely tucked away where he could sulk away his sickness without the outlook of others. He supposed that this was the right call but he was feeling particularly left out. He did come to Vidcon with the expectation to hang out with his friends. If he was being honest, solitude was only making his illness worse. Hearing Dan and Anthony talking and laughing in-between his sleep spells was irritating.

“No,” Phil lied, wishing he could complain to Dan about how lonely he was feeling. But Dan didn’t look like he wanted to spend any more time where he was standing and Phil understood. Chicken pox was highly contagious and if what he had heard was true, he would be this way for a few days minimum.

“Alright. Well, Anthony and I are gonna worry about getting medication for you. Just hang tight. Get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?” Dan continued, his eyes soft and filled with concern. Phil wished that Dan would stick around a little longer, but he was still feeling rather dizzy with the desire to sleep so he didn’t argue. He just half nodded and tucked himself into the pillow a little more, humming in discontent. He was trying so hard not to itch himself and was close to asking for oven mitts. But sleeping helped pass the time and he could ignore the pain while he was unconscious.

Dan lingered for a minute after their conversation was clearly over. Phil could feel Dan’s eyes on him even though his own were closed, Dan’s presence was always something he was good at sensing. But then Phil heard the door squeak shut, his sick presence now the only thing left in the room.

Sleep came quickly, but not until his brain threw out some more toxic thoughts. Ones that he could identify as paranoia, yet still paused to consider. Thoughts that suggested that Anthony was going to replace him. Thoughts that proposed that Anthony was better than Phil. The thoughts that whispered jealousy only made Phil more upset about being bedridden.

-

When one sleeps all day, it’s often hard for one to sleep through the night. Phil was restless. He had checked his phone for the time, the result annoyingly earlier than he thought. It was only 11:00 pm and there was no way Dan or Anthony had gone to bed. He listened for a sign that they were awake and heard nothing. Perhaps they had gone to bed. Dan and Phil had woken rather early that morning. It’s possible that Dan tuckered out.

But that wasn’t like Dan. Dan was known to push his limits when it came to sleeping. He liked his friends too much and Anthony was no exception.

Phil figured that while he couldn’t sleep, he should try and mobilize. He could use a drink of water and it wasn’t too far to the kitchen. It would ease his random anxiety about being left out and that was worth something.

Grunting a little, he stood from his little nest. He still didn’t feel totally up to par, but his head wasn’t throbbing as much as it had been 10 hours ago. He slowly inched his way to the door and opened it slowly. There was a small creak from the floorboards as he walked into the hallway. It was then that he heard something from the living room. A little shuffle from someone seated on the couch. Maybe Dan had passed out and he was just turning in his sleep. That was comforting to an extent. That at least meant that Phil wasn’t missing anything too exciting.

Phil rounded the corner from the hallway and was met with not the one form he was expecting, but two. Dan and Anthony were both turned with flushed faces and wide eyes, looking directly at Phil.

“Hey, Phil!” Dan said, his voice kind of cracking, a quick cough clearing that up and his voice returning to the considerate tone he was using earlier. “How are you feeling?”

Phil was staring. He was sick but not stupid. Anthony was fixing his shirt near the neckline and Dan was subtly trying to wipe his lips off with the side of his hand.

Fucking hell.

They were making out.

Phil sighed, obviously pretending not to notice what was going on before he walked in. When you’re best friends with someone and they are trying to cover something up, it’s polite not to ask. Allegedly, Dan will tell him later, as best friends do. Then Phil is to pretend he didn’t know and Dan will giggle about how Anthony is “such a good kisser.” He can hear it now, yet he wished he couldn’t.

“I um…just needed some water. Maybe some fruit or something,” Phil sulked. It’s a good thing he was sick. The sulking was considered a side effect of illness. Dan nodded and cleared his throat again.

“Need some help?” he asked, his eyes pleading for Phil to say no. That would just make this entire thing far more awkward. Phil wasn’t a shitty friend, so he shook his head and took one last look at the state of his friends, turning and heading toward the kitchen.

“Glasses are in the top left cabinet!” Anthony shouted, to which Phil didn’t answer. He just grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the sink, spotting an orange and collecting that as well. He shuffled back out to where he was standing before, blinking at the two awkwardly silent boys, hoping that it would make them feel uncomfortable, then he turned without a word, heading back to his place of slumber.

Phil shut the door and stood still, staring at the wall above the bed. He leaned against the wooden entranceway and replayed the last two minutes over and over.

Then he felt something dripping in his hand and he noticed that he had just crushed the orange he was holding. Great. The rind had split and the insides were slipping through the crack.

Dan had just been kissing Anthony.

His stomach now ached with something he usually identified as jealousy, but because he was already sick, he couldn’t tell.

He was mad. But was he overreacting? Probably. Dan was the love of his life and there was always that string of hope that perhaps Phil was Dan’s, but now he knew for sure. He knew that he had zero chance with Dan, with or without chicken pox, and that’s what was breaking him.

He drank half of the glass he poured himself and then flopped onto the bed belly down. At this point, he didn’t care that the orange was released from his hand and tumbling to the floor. All he cared about was his miserable existence and the fact that his best friend was making out with their good friend.

In any other situation, he would have laughed and joked to himself about thinking too much like Dan. But honestly, he saw no other reaction.

This sucked.

Then Phil started thinking about how none of this would have happened if he hadn’t gotten this horrible illness. Chicken pox was known for ruining things but how many people could say that chicken pox was the reason the love of their life was making out with someone else? Only a couple rooms over even. How the hell did Phil get this kind of luck?

Phil’s eyes shut and he sighed, knowing that there was nothing he could do about the situation. But the universe was not done with him. Not yet. He heard a lighthearted giggle from the other room. Then a silence. Then another giggle.

Phil knew they were probably laughing at a joke one of them cracked or something of that sort, but he couldn’t help but think that maybe they were laughing at him. The poor boy with chicken pox who nearly just walked in on them sucking face. If only they knew. Dan should know that Phil was smarter than that. His stomach sank before he was able to stop his brain.

-

You would think that things would get less awkward after that and everything would go back to normal but after an embarrassing little cry and a restless sleep, Phil awoke to a knock on the door. Dan entered slowly, taking in the appearance of his friend who looked to be doing worse.

Phil was doing better but his emotional state was starting to wither. He was still itchy but his mind was racing with the possibilities of Dan and Anthony’s midnight escapades, and he had forgotten about the red splotches covering his skin. He supposed that was one good thing about being ridden with jealousy. Other less important things are forgotten.

“I brought you chicken noodle,” Dan said, his smile probably genuine. His lips looked like the lips that Phil usually longed to kiss, but all Phil could see now were devices that had been attached to another human being’s face. “How do you feel?”

Psh. If only Phil could really tell him.

“Fine,” Phil answered, his voice nearly gone. His throat was raw and the crying probably hadn’t helped.

“Well Anthony said that maybe we should take you to a doctor when you’re feeling up for it,” Dan suggested. Phil shivered at the sound of Anthony’s voice leaving Dan’s lips. He was angry at himself for thinking so foully about one of his friends. But he was sick. He was allowed some slack. At least that’s what he told his criticist brain. “You feeling up for a trip?”

“How far…cause I don’t know if I can-”

“Oh, Anthony will drive,” Dan interrupted, somehow reading Phil’s train of thought. Phil didn’t feel like walking anymore in that heat. Usually, Phil is glad that Dan could read him like a book, but if he was going to be interrupted like this, he’d prefer if it wasn’t with Anthony’s name.

“Okay.” Phil nodded and sighed, looking at the bowl of soup that Dan placed next to his bed. The side table was littered with tissues. Luckily Anthony’s guest bedroom was stocked with tissues and a trash bin. Maybe not for this specific purpose, but it aided his drippy eyes last night.

Dan noticed his eyes on the tissues and he laughed. “You must be feeling better if you can beat it that hard.”

It took Phil a second to get what Dan meant by “beat it.” He glanced at the tissues that he had shed his tears into and then returned his glance to Dan, offering him a small smile. He didn’t have the energy to come up with some bullshit reason.

“Eat your soup and then we can get you to the doctor, okay?” Dan smiled, noticing that Phil was not in the mood to talk about masturbation habits. It almost looked like he was going to reach out and pet Phil’s leg, but then he drew back and nodded, swallowing and leaving the room to do God knows what.

Phil just sat up and worked on his soup. It was hot but he didn’t mind. He hadn’t really had the appetite for anything and it was good to finally feel something slide down his throat.

He managed to rummage through his suitcase and found something fresh to wear, a t-shirt he saved for the plane due to comfort reasons, slid over his shoulders and fell over his little spots. He put on the jacket that he packed just in case and laced up the shoes that he had discarded before falling into bed the first day. He looked ready enough for a doctor’s visit and he headed towards the front of the apartment.

Luckily this time he didn’t walk in on his friends doing anything criminal, but they were standing far too close to not mean something. Phil rolled his eyes when nobody could see him and he muttered a “ready” to which the two boys turned towards him.

They walked over to the front door, Anthony grabbing his keys and the three of them leaving the apartment as Anthony locked up. Both boys looked to be avoiding Phil at all costs, not even closing the four-foot gap that was between them as they walked. But Phil noticed that Dan was gravitating towards Anthony, their hands brushing together and Dan’s goofy smile revealing itself every time it happened. Phil would know because this is the shit that he used to do to Dan. He tried his hardest not to show how upset he was about this but clearly it wasn’t working because when the Anthony opened the back door of the car, he made some joke to Dan about how badly Phil needed to get to the doctor. He apparently looked “sour and sickly.”

Phil would have laughed.

But he didn’t.

The car ride was silent, Dan finally taking the aux chord and pumping some of his music into the car. Quietly, of course, not wanting to disturb Phil’s theoretical headache.

The doctor’s visit was surprisingly painless. Other than the trip in and out of the building, Phil was admitted immediately and seen rather quickly. The doctor took one look at the spots on his body, prescribing him medicine directly. He had heard such terrible things about US healthcare and he was happy that he didn’t have to deal with anything too terrible this time.

While he was waiting for the doctor to return with his medicine, he grimaced at the thought of Dan and Anthony waiting for him in the car. He could imagine them making out or something, talking about their exciting plans for the rest of the day while Phil slept in the guest room, away from the two lovebirds. Obviously, he wouldn’t want the festivities to halt on his accord. That would not be fair for him to suggest, not to mention, the more downtime Dan and Anthony had, the more they would probably suck face. He scowled at the thought and accidentally glared at the doctor who was re-entering.

“You’re all set, Mr. Lester. Have a safe flight back.” The doctor had told him he could fly in two days, after the medicine began to work and he was no longer contagious. He was happy about this. The shorter the visit was, the less he would have to endure of Dan and Anthony’s little affair.

-

Phil thought it couldn’t get worse. When they got back, Anthony made lunch for them both, Phil opting to eat in his bed and away from whatever was going on in the other two’s lives that day. They didn’t want to be near Phil and if Phil was being honest, he didn’t want to be near them either. Anthony brought him the sandwich and then closed the door, giving Phil a couple words of encouragement like “I hope you get better soon” and “we’ll miss you.”

Bullshit.

He ate his sandwich and took a nap. The meds he took were making him quite drowsy, but if he could pass the time while sleeping, then so be it. That was the best way to power through this horrible extended stay.

But holy shit was he regretting that nap.

He awoke to a loud thump and it startled him awake. He was groggy as hell but after working so hard to get to sleep in the first place, this thump was the end of a somewhat struggle sleep. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, looking to his phone for the time. It was late. Very late. Once again, he had missed dinner with his slumber and he was itching - both figuratively and metaphorically - for a snack.

Standing was getting easier each time and he figured that maybe it was the meds. Thank God for medical technology. At least he no longer had that horrible headache and he had stopped sweating a significant amount into the sheets.

This time he avoided the creak in the floorboard and because it was late, he tried to do his best to stay quiet. He basically tip-toed into the kitchen and silently took the can of soup off the counter that had a note written next to it in Dan’s handwriting. Phil.

Well, that was nice of him. At least his friend remembered what it was like to be sick and hungry when nobody is awake. That sucks. He got a little pan and poured the soup into it, turning on the stove and standing blankly for what he assumed was only half a minute.

That was until he heard another thump. What the hell? It sounded like it had come from inside the apartment. Phil only barely started worrying that perhaps he had broken something somehow, which would be his luck, when he heard an extremely uncharacteristic giggle coming from someone in the room down the hall. He froze.

Scared that he already knew the answer, he quietly walked over to the couch where Dan was supposed to be sleeping to see if his best friend was there. He nearly went faint when he saw nobody lying there. Now, standing closer to the hallway, he could hear voices behind what he assumed was Anthony’s room.

Well, this is just great.

He walked back over to the stove and didn’t even bother to let his soup come to a boil before pouring it into the bowl he found in one of the cabinets. He wasn’t trying to be quiet now either. He didn’t give a fuck if Dan and their friend could hear him. He just wanted to go hide under the covers where he couldn’t hear the monstrosity of the situation at hand.

Shuffling back to his room, he barely made it in before he actually cursed out loud.

“FUCK.”

Dan knew how hard it was to make him curse. If only he was here now. He placed down the soup that wasn’t ever gonna be warm enough and flopped on the bed.

“God damnit…” he whimpered, wishing he could just vanish.

But as things usually did for him, that’s when it got worse. Much much worse.

He heard Dan moan through the wall.

It could have been a heated Mario Kart race, it could have been a funny skit they were filming in the middle of the night, it could have been anything.

But he knew Dan’s moan when he heard it. He wasn’t deaf and Dan wasn’t exactly quiet when he got off at home. Their walls were thin and if that meant that Phil could hear everything, it wasn’t a crime for him to have listened once or twice.

But that solidified the image and now he was hearing more thumps and a few more obscene sounds that he desperately wished he couldn’t hear.

If only chicken pox made you go deaf. That would be a pleasant alternative.

It was then that his spots started itching. He supposed they had been itching all along, but suddenly he was falling apart. Inside and out.

Itch.

Moan.

Itch.

Moan.

Everything around him was attacking him, including his active imagination that was now picturing Dan being bent over and getting fucked by their mutual friend. One that Phil didn’t even want to look at anymore. But of course, he had this fucking illness and he was just letting the love of his life get laid while he lied in the other man’s bed.

What a fucking trip.

Itch.

Moan.

Itch.

Moan.

Itch.

Moan.

He didn’t see an end to his suffering and he started to contemplate just leaving altogether. Finding a hotel and just waiting out his symptoms there. Where he could at least wallow in silence.

The bed was creaking now, which only added to the comedic effect. If it wasn’t Dan, this would be funny. In fact, Dan and Phil had been in a situation like this situation before. They were staying at a friend’s place and that friend had brought someone home that night, leaving Dan and Phil to stay up in the living room laughing at the obvious sex that was happening behind their friend’s door.

But this was different. Dan wasn’t here to laugh with him. He was hearing Dan get boned and as much as he hated Anthony in this moment, if he was being honest, he just wanted to be unsick. If he hadn’t gotten this freakin virus in the first place, then none of this would have happened. He would have just hung out with his friends and had a good couple days in LA. He wouldn’t be sulking on a bed that wasn’t his. He might have even been able to convince Dan to sleep in the bed with him. It wouldn’t be the first time. And then maybe, just maybe, Dan would be sleeping with him right now. Not Anthony.

Phil thought about Anthony’s perfect lifestyle and his amazing features and this was a hole he wouldn’t emerge from for a couple hours. Anthony was clearly more assertive than Phil was and that was probably why this happened so fast. Now that Phil was thinking about it, this doesn’t seem super out of character for Dan anyway. Dan changed a lot this year and maybe this was something he should have seen coming.

It wasn’t all about Phil anymore. Not like it had been in 2009. Dan was finding new people to hang with and it didn’t even seem like it was making a difference that he wasn’t around these past few days. He had barely seen his friends since he found out he was sick. Granted, he was sleeping a bunch, but that didn’t mean people couldn’t come in and say hello…or something.

A loud extended moan that basically screamed “we’re alone in this house right now” pierced the walls and Phil knew the sound of Dan cumming when he heard it. He sighed because usually when he hears that, he gets turned on. This time, he is nothing but dejected.

-

“G’morning, Philly!” Dan knocked on the door, his freshly fucked face shining brighter than the LA sun. Phil blinked away the sleep and sat up slightly in his stupid bed nest. He didn’t even bother smiling. The tissues that littered the bed seemed to describe how he felt at the moment, overwhelmed and like garbage. He scratched at one of the bumps on his chest as he swallowed.

“Hey.”

“Anthony and I are going to the store. Need anything?”

Phil shook his head, looking away from the bright-eyed boy who was now rolling up his sweater sleeves.

“Alright. Well if I see any of those Haribo sweets, I’ll make sure I snag em for you,” Dan proposed sweetly, his smile too genuine for the noises Phil had heard the night before.

“Don’t bother,” Phil grumbled. Sure it was an act of kindness, but now that he knew Dan liked Anthony, his brain wouldn’t even try to spin it as an act of love. “Not hungry.”

“But you might be later! And plus, you told me you wanted to get some before the end of the trip,” Dan explained, Phil just nodded his head and looking down.

Dan might have been lovestruck, but he has never been a bad friend.

“Phil? Are you okay?” He had obviously noticed Phil’s somewhat reserved tone. Phil was usually pretty good at faking a smile or making small talk, even when he was sick. Dan knew this plenty well. “What’s wrong?”

Dan stepped closer, but not close enough for this conversation to be intimate. Phil understood it was because of his chicken pox, but his brain decided it was because Dan didn’t care enough.

Phil said nothing, not really knowing how to explain the feelings he was being plagued with right now. But Dan was smarter than that.

“Aw, Phil. You feel left out, don’t you?” Dan hit the nail on the head. Well, part of it. Phil didn’t even try to deny it. He sighed and looked at the wall behind Dan. “Oh God, I’m sorry, Phil. It probably sucks being in bed all day.”

Phil nodded.

“How about, if you’re up for it, we can watch a movie tonight? Altogether?” Dan suggested. Sure, if Phil wasn’t super jealous of what was going on behind closed doors, then this would have been sweet. But sitting in a room with two people he could hear having sex only 10 hours before this moment didn’t seem appetizing to him in the slightest. But not being there was worse and so he nodded to please his friend. “Good. I’ll go tell Anthony.”

Phil resisted the urge to mock Dan and he just smiled flatly as Dan stepped back a little.

“Well…get some rest then,” Dan smiled and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Phil took a tissue and tried to throw it at the door, but it just fell lazily at his feet and he flopped back down onto the bed and tried not to listen to the shuffling and laughter from the boys down the hall.

-

They let Phil chose the movie, probably because they felt bad, but Phil was isolated to the little side chair and Dan and Anthony sat far too close for the big couch they were on. Phil chose Big Hero 6 because he hadn’t seen it in so long, not to mention, Anthony had the UK version for some reason, which Dan and Phil had actually been in.

But he regretted his choice immediately, especially because Anthony and Dan talked right over their lines.

Phil barely waited for the credits to roll before he stood abruptly and removed himself from the room. He simply waved and bedded himself, taking his second-to-last pill. In the morning, he would take the last one and then he wouldn’t be contagious anymore. Thank God.

Maybe then they could forget this trip ever happened and Phil would do his best to block what he heard from his memories.

He did not plan, however, for Dan to come knocking on his door.

He did not plan for Dan to come in and sit on the end of his bed.

He did not plan for Dan to say “I need your advice.”

A part of Phil wanted to shoo the other boy away but the other part of him was honored that Dan still came to him. Nonetheless, he was not excited about what was about to come from Dan’s mouth.

“Shoot.” Phil was clearly conscious enough to watch the movie and give advice. Plus he was barely feeling anything but itchy. Itchy and envious.

“So uh…I kissed Anthony,” Dan admitted as if Phil hadn’t figured that out already. He failed to mention that he did far more than kiss Anthony the other night, so Phil didn’t say anything, letting the other boy continue. It seemed that he was gauging the reaction of his friend and Phil was jealous but not terrible. He was just going to pretend he heard nothing. “And I feel like we have a lot of chemistry.”

That’s because I’m not there to show you what real chemistry feels like.

Phil nodded along and tried to show a supportive face.

“I wanted to ask you because…” Dan kind of looked at the ground. “I feel like as my best friend, you should have a say in who I date.” He looked up and met Phil’s eyes that were fighting to stay dry. “Do you think I should go for it?”

Phil gulped. He could totally change this right now. He could totally change the course of his best friend’s relationship. Dan apparently cared a lot about his opinion and he could just tell him “no” and this whole thing would be over.

But Phil wasn’t that guy. He was a good friend and there was no way that he would let something like this sit on his conscience for years to come.

He sat up and looked into the desperate brown eyes and nodded.

“Anthony’s a nice guy. You think he feels the same way?” Phil heard himself say, kind of disappointed in his good morale.

Dan nodded and played with his sleeve.

“I mean, he kissed me back.”

“Well,” Phil said, making a gesture that said, “Then I see nothing wrong with it.”

Dan smiled and Phil would have melted if that smile was for him. But it wasn’t. Not really. That smile was for Anthony.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t be so anxious.” Dan admitted. “Thanks, Phil.”

Phil nodded and he watched as Dan started to get up.

Then Phil said something that he would have NEVER expected to leave his mouth. He wasn’t sure if it was because he wanted him to stay longer or if he just wanted to stir the pot, but he cleared his throat and said;

“Especially because usually, when a person fucks you that hard, that means they like you.”

Dan’s head whipped around and his eyes were blown wide. It seemed he was going through a million emotions at once. He was most likely confused as to why Phil knew about that, probably flashing back and realizing how loud he was being, then his mind probably alarmed him that he had just lied to Phil and told him that he had just kissed the boy, and then because Phil was cursing at him and that usually meant that something was up.

Dan stood still for so long, Phil kind of assumed he was turning to stone.

“You didn’t need to hear that. Sorry, Phil,” he apologized, his face flushing a brilliant shade of red. “I’ll be quieter next time.”

Next time.

This literally couldn’t get worse. Phil was quickly losing his filter and it was clear his subconscious and cooped up brain was trying to push him past the point of no return.

“I didn’t. You’re right. Especially since I’m in love with you and everything,” Phil snarked, his tone not right for what just came out. Dan was standing there with his mouth agape, his frozen state only worsening.

Phil didn’t know what he was doing, but this must be what it was like to hit rock bottom.

“Phil- I think maybe those meds are making you loopy. You should try to get some r-”

“Rest? Get some rest while you go make googly eyes at Anthony? Sure, let me just tell my brain to stop insisting he’s better than me in every way. Then maybe I can get some rest,” Phil said in the most deadpan voice he’s ever pulled.

This was not about him. Hell, he had just given Dan his blessing. What the fuck was this all about? He cursed his brain for doing this. He was almost out of the woods. He would have been sad, but he could get over it. Now he had spilled his secret and was spitting a hurtful tone at his friend who was just trying to be nice.

“Phil, where is this coming from? I don't…I don’t know what you want me to do…” Dan kind of whispered, his face looking a little confused. To be fair, Phil wasn’t even sure what he wanted him to do. First, he was calling Dan out for lying and having sex audibly, but now he was confessing his love and who knows how Dan felt about that? “I’m sorry. I don’t feel…”

The same way.

Well fuck.

Phil just fell to the pillow and turned his head. Anything to break the eye contact that he had been holding with the other boy.

“We can talk about this…” Dan said, door creaking again. “…another day. Goodnight.”

And that’s when the door shut, Phil now in the lonesomeness that was this stupid bedroom. Dan was now probably off to go tell Anthony what had just happened, then have some romantic fuck without Phil’s knowledge. Great. Just great.

Phil was feeling better. Less itchy, no throbbing head and his temperature was mostly normal. But his insides were broken. His heart felt heavy and the tears fell again, only to leave him sobbing with no more clean tissues, into a sleep that felt like death.

-

Anthony woke him the next morning, much to Phil’s dismay, and he thought it might be a nightmare. Maybe everything was a nightmare and he hadn’t said all those terrible things to his best friend. But no, why else would Anthony be knocking on his door and bringing him a banana for breakfast. He didn’t even like bananas. That means that Dan wanted nothing to do with him. Not today. And he must have told Anthony to go deal with Phil.

“How are you feeling?” Anthony asked, throwing the banana on the bed from the doorway. Phil just shrugged and looked down. “Well, Dan says he’s going to book your flight for tonight. Since you’re no longer contagious. You think that’s doable?”

Phil nodded before giving the question much thought. Usually, when people said “your” in relation to Dan and Phil, it meant both of them. But now Phil wasn’t so sure. Was Dan going to send Phil back by himself? Was he going to spend a few more days alone here with Anthony? Phil didn’t like being here with them both but he certainly didn’t like the idea of leaving them on their own.

“Cool, I’ll let him know. Good to see you’re doing better.” Anthony flashed him a smile and then made haste to remove himself from the room.

Phil sighed and stared at the banana.

Dan knew he hated bananas.

-

Phil had packed his things and Anthony so kindly lent him his shower. He changed into some clean clothes and tried to look healthy. He was still feeling pretty shit and once he found out that Dan was, in fact, staying a couple extra days, he didn’t really care about his appearance. The three had a quiet lunch where Phil ate something substantial for the first time in days, his stomach happy about that decision, and then he was waiting for the Über to come take him to the airport.

Of course, it was raining.

Dan looked to be avoiding his gaze and Phil couldn’t blame him. Maybe being on a plane with the person that just told you they love you isn’t exactly easy. So Phil couldn’t blame either of them.

When his Über arrived, he said his goodbyes, but neither of them would hug him. They knew he wasn’t contagious now, but they still didn’t want to risk it. Phil waved at Dan and tried to make some form of eye contact to replace the hug, but Dan wouldn’t even look up. Phil nodded and shuffled down to the car.

This felt very very wrong.

He reached the airport and went through the process of getting on the plane by himself. It was boring to sit in the airport alone. He made it on time and got on the plane, barely noticing when the plane took off. Plane rides were ten times more fun when his best friend wasn’t in LA with some guy doing God knows what.

He reached their flat in the morning, the time difference fucking with him, collapsing immediately onto his own bed and falling asleep. He only awoke later that night to an empty flat and a stupid headache.

Getting up from his bed was a struggle, but he figured he might as well. He needed to eat and drink some water. He was 90% sure that his headache was because of his lack of water intake. He went ahead and made coffee, sipping at it black because they were out of milk, then fisting a handful of cereal into his mouth.

He reflected on the last couple of days and grimaced when he replayed the last conversation he had with Dan. He really fudged it. He made things super awkward. He made things worse. He didn’t even know why he had done it. He supposed that he had just snapped. Eight years was enough. The information was bound to slip out sometime.

Just when he was truly starting to hate himself, he heard a key fit into the front door’s lock. His eyes went wide and he flipped through all the people who had a key to their flat. His brother, Louise, PJ…nobody was supposed to come over while they were gone.

If this was an intruder, that would just be the icing on the cake to a terrible couple days. Maybe, if he’s lucky, he could give the person chicken pox. That would show them not to break into people’s homes.

But when the door opened to reveal a rather disheveled Dan Howell, Phil took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes, returning the frames to his face.

Phil thought the flat was silent before. But now that there were two people in the flat, it felt even quieter. Dan said nothing and he just closed the door softly behind him, dropping his suitcase and giving Phil a half smile.

Phil didn’t even care that he was staring. He used his eyes to demand an explanation from his friend.

Dan mumbled something that Phil didn’t quite catch, the other boy’s eyes darting towards to the ground.

“Hm?” Phil stepped a little closer, grabbing one of Dan’s bags. Offering his help was the only thing that could make this moment any less awkward.

“It’s not gonna work,” Dan repeated, his head hanging. “Anthony doesn’t wanna do long distance.”

Phil stood there in shock, holding Dan’s suitcase in his hand and cocking his head. He needed to make up for the fact that he was so rude before, so his face fell and he frowned.

“But you were going to stay a couple days. That’s not long distance,” Phil argued. Dan just stared at him. Almost like he was having a hard time interpreting Phil’s kindness. Sure, Phil confessed his love, but that wasn’t going to stop him from being a supportive friend.

“It’s not worth it. I like him, but if he’s not willing to do it, then I didn’t want to get my hopes up,” Dan said sadly, pushing past Phil and heading for his own bedroom. Phil followed him with the suitcase.

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Phil said, stopping outside his door. He didn’t wanna break any boundaries, so he set the suitcase inside and stared at Dan who flopped down on his own bedspread.

“No, you’re not.”

Phil froze.

“Of course I am…” Phil reassured. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You know why, Phil.”

Phil was silent for longer than he should have allowed himself to be but he did respond after a moment.

“I care about your happiness, Dan,” Phil said, sad that Dan would think otherwise about their friendship. “I really am sorry that it didn’t work out.”

“Thanks, I guess.”

There was a moment of silence.

“You can come in.”

Phil hesitated, but he nodded and entered the room, hovering over by the bed where Dan was staring at the ceiling.

“Gonna be honest, I liked you for a long time, Phil,” Dan said out of nowhere. Phil softly sat at the end of the bed. If Dan was planning to continue the conversation they were having the night before, he needed to be sitting. “But I forced myself to stop when I thought you didn’t like me back.”

Phil opened his mouth to speak, but Dan cut him off.

“You were good at hiding it I guess. I tried to do things to show you I liked you. But I guess we aren’t as psychic as we thought…” Dan chuckled a little.

“And now?” Phil asked, his voice trembling.

“And now…I can’t even picture us kissing,” Dan turned his head to look up at Phil. Phil’s eyebrows went up. How can good news turn sour so quickly? Dan stared at him for a while, his eyes flicking down to Phil’s pursed lips. “Nope. Still, can’t picture it.”

Phil turned away and looked at the wall, drumming his fingers on his thigh.

“But I also can’t picture a life without you…” Dan said. Phil’s head whipped around and he nearly forgot that he had been sick in bed for the past few days. His eyes were blown wide and Dan was staring up at him with a slight blush.

Phil didn’t want to get his hopes up and his brain forced him to remember that he was pretty much ignored for the past couple days. Dan seemed perfectly fine without him. Better than usual in fact.

“You’re not thinking clearly. I’m sure you can,” Phil stumbled out, trying his best to think level headedly. “If Anthony lived in London I’m sure it would have worked ou-”

“But Anthony isn’t you. And when it came time to take things further, I can’t leave you for him. He would have to come live here with us and what if he asks me to marry him? Then I’m an engaged man not wanting to move away from his best friend. I refuse to believe that’s not because I-” Dan was getting animated, his body sitting up and their faces now leveling. “Because I love you.”

Phil’s eyes didn’t have time to even blink before Dan was leaning in and planting the most unexpected kiss in Phil’s entire 30-year-old lifespan.

Dan’s kiss was deep and his tongue took the plunge that Phil had always wanted, but immediately he remembered just how sick he was. Sure, the virus was no longer contagious to people on a plane or in his general vicinity, but surely sticking someone’s tongue in your mouth was the fastest way to spread the virus and Dan was certainly asking for it.

Phil came to his senses and placed his hands on Dan’s shoulders, prying the younger boy off of him and gulping. That was certainly one of the hardest things he’d ever done, after all, he had waited so long for this moment. It hurt him even more to see Dan’s unsure face, his eyes nearly at the point of tears, this being the second rejection he’s gone through today.

Phil made haste with an explanation, not wanting to leave Dan in the dark. Especially about this.

“It’s not that I don’t want…” Phil stumbled, the taste of Dan’s lips tripping him up. “Because I do, it’s just…” Phil swallowed. “The chicken pox. I don’t want you to-”

Dan’s lips crashed into his again, the sentence not seeming to register. And if it did, Dan clearly didn’t care. Dan was on him so fast and Phil’s mind was reeling. For more reasons than one. As Dan gently laid him back against the bed and put his weight on top of Phil, pretty much clawing at Phil’s shirt, Phil thought about the words Dan had just said. He loved him. And if Phil didn’t believe him then, he surely did now. Even with the near impossibility of not getting chicken pox after this kiss, he had done it anyway. Not that Phil was arguing, but he was certainly shocked. Dan was kissing him fervently now and Phil was trying to forget how monumental this move was while he enjoyed the feeling of Dan’s body on him.

Their kiss slowed and Phil looked up into the brown eyes he had seen so many times before, somehow seeing something different this time. Something he had always thought he’d see in small doses. This was the look Dan would give him in 2009. This was the look that meant Dan loved him. Phil knew now and he hated himself for never going for it when he could have had this all along.

“Dan…” Phil whispered as he gently placed a kiss on Dan’s neck. “Please. Let me show you how much I love you.”

Dan nearly mewled at what Phil said, his eyes glazing over and his mouth dropping open. His lips were still wet with Phil’s kiss and Phil never wanted to see him in any other state that wasn’t freshly kissed. Dan nodded and rolled off of Phil’s body, landing beside him and waiting for Phil to make the next move.

Phil resumed the position that Dan was just occupying, climbing on top of Dan and kissing his neck until Dan made a little noise of approval. Phil tugged on the bottom of Dan’s shirt, sliding his hands up with the fabric and then pulling it off, only disconnecting his lips from Dan’s jugular for a second before he kept kissing down onto Dan’s chest. He nibbled a little on the skin near his clavicle, guessing that Dan would be into it, and then he stopped when his eyes met something that made him smile. He lifted his head and Dan felt the way Phil’s chest was racking with laughter.

“What?” Dan asked, looking a little irritated that something so funny was interrupting their moment. That’s when Phil slid his left hand up Dan’s rib cage to point at the little red dot that was sitting right on Dan’s neck. Phil looked down at the other boy’s chest and covered his mouth to hide his teeth as he laughed harder. “What!?”

Dan sat up on his elbows and looked down at his bare stomach, noticing the little marks that plagued his body. His chest looked a lot like Phil’s had the night before.

“You already had it,” Phil laughed, kissing a few of the marks before returning to Dan’s mouth with a smirk. “You got it anyway.”

“God Damnit, Phil. You gave me your illness you, Rat!” Dan groaned, his hands reaching to cover his face. “I can’t believe this. I was doing such a good job avoiding you too!”

Dan joked and Phil just kissed him in-between his sentences.

“Nuh uh, the doctor says it takes a minimum of ten days for it to show symptoms after you get it. So you probably got it from the same place I did, Danny,” Phil teased. Dan laughed because at this point, he was expecting it anyway. But then his face went pale and Phil looked at him worriedly.

“What?” Phil asked, hoping he hadn’t said anything or done something that would make Dan regret their current position.

“Anthony…”

Phil had never removed himself from another human being so fast. He backed up and sat on his heels, very confused as to why their US friend’s name was even mentioned in an intimate situation like this.

Dan sighed and pulled Phil back down on top of him.

“Stop it, you spoon. I just realized that if I already had chicken pox…” Dan made a face and Phil immediately understood. He shouldn’t of, but he laughed. “Hey! Come on…I feel bad now…”

“That’s called Karma…” Phil snarked, kissing at Dan’s chest again and making him gasp.

“I have never seen you so…” Dan fished for a word.

“Jealous?” Phil offered. “Resentful?” He kissed down Dan’s body, taking a moment to lick into Dan’s belly button. “Cynical?” He hooked his fingers into Dan’s pants and briefs, tugging lightly. “Petty perhaps?”

Dan shuddered as Phil didn’t even skip a beat before yanking down the items of clothing. Phil had never seen Dan completely naked before and this was surely a treat. He licked his lips and was quick to grasp Dan’s dick completely, dropping his nose down and taking the whole thing at once.

“Poss-possessive!” Dan moaned, completing his own sentence and ignoring all of the things Phil had just said. “But…I kinda like it. It’s kinda…h-hot.”

Just then Phil choked on Dan’s twitching cock. It was growing gradually and he could feel Dan shudder beneath him as he hollowed out his cheeks around it.

Phil liked when Dan said those things to him. He needed it, especially after the couple days he’d had. He made sure to praise the younger boy for the words with his tongue.

Dan moaned obscenely and Phil’s stomach tightened. Dan was moaning because of him. Because of something Phil Lester was doing to him. He could feel his own member grow in anticipation and he decided the long and drawn out teasing sessions could wait. He wanted to be inside Dan as fast as possible. That is if Dan would have him.

“Can I…” Phil asked after popping off of Dan’s now swollen cock. “Can I fuck you, Dan?”

Dan’s eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head when Phil asked. It seemed he wanted it just as much, if not more than Phil did. Phil smiled lovingly at Dan and slightly nudged Dan’s side in an effort to flip him over onto his stomach.

He took in the sight of the younger boy, ignoring the tiny little red splotches that covered his back and bum. He laughed to himself and then leaned down to kiss what looked like the softest and most kissable toosh.

“Lube is in the…drawer,” Dan muttered into the pillow his face was currently shoved in. Phil lightly bit at the spot he was kissing and then smiled as he licked at the little mark he had made. Dan moaned in delight when the older boy reached over for the drawer’s handle, pulling out the bottle from the drawer and placing it beside them. Phil reached down and pulled off his shirt, then unbuttoned his pants. He didn’t want the constraints of his jeans to hinder his erection while he stretched the compliant boy before him.

Phil popped the cap and coated his fingers with a fair amount, probably too much, of lube. He really didn’t want to hurt Dan and it would only get worse when the boy started actually feeling the symptoms of their little virus.

Delicately placing a finger against Dan’s entrance, he watched as Dan arched his back and pushed his bum up towards Phil and his bare chest. He wanted Dan so badly and he hoped that Dan wanted him too.

He plunged his finger into Dan’s ready hole, the walls feeling thick and warm, as he watched Dan’s mouth drop open. He started the thrusting process and with his other hand, he rubbed circles on Dan’s lower back.

It didn’t take long before Dan was mewling and begging for Phil’s cock. Dan was moaning louder than he had been the other night and it was clear that Phil’s fingers were doing a better job than Anthony’s.

“Phil, please…I need you. Please, I’m-” Dan gasped when Phil angled his fingers up and towards that special bundle of nerves that caused the younger boy’s thighs to shake and his hole to clench. Phil reached for the lube with his other hand as he asked Dan what he wanted again, this time with his finger right on Dan’s prostate. “I…Phil…p-please. F-f-fuck meee.”

Phil loved the way Dan begged him, this kind of behavior was a major turn on and it seemed that Dan had an abundance of it. He was loud in everyday life and in their videos so Phil should have expected this. But of course, it was much better than he could have ever imagined anyway.

Phil coated his cock with the lube and moaned deeply as he ran a hand over his aching member. He was so wrapped up in what Dan looked like that he had totally forgotten that his own cock was begging him for something more. He pulled out his slicked up fingers, with a verbal protest from Dan, and then he began to kiss at the hole he was just fingering. Dan just moaned when Phil licked inside, feeling the warm walls with his own tongue. He wanted to linger there for a while and make Dan lose it, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to be inside the whining boy.

He got up onto his knees and used his hands to angle Dan’s bum in the perfect direction. He lined him up perfectly before he pressed his tip teasingly against Dan’s throbbing hole.

“Do you want this cock, Dan?” He asked, receiving a very desperate knob. “Tell me you want this cock.”

“I w-want your cock, Phil…” he moaned, panting as he clawed at the bed sheets. “I want it so bad.”

“Good,” Phil bit his lip and began to push in just the tip. All the while, he was thinking about how strangely dominate he had become. He thought that maybe it was because he was trying to show Dan that Phil wanted him more than Anthony. Or maybe he was trying to prove how much he loved the younger boy by fucking him better. Perhaps he was trying to prove something to Dan, showing him a side that Phil had never revealed before.

Before he knew it, his cock was completely sheathed inside of his best friend’s ass. Dan’s eyes were teary and he was begging Phil with inaudible words. Somehow Phil understood though, getting the idea that Dan wanted him to start moving.

And that he did. He leaned over the boy in front of him and started to hump him like he’d never don’t before. He wrapped his arm around to Dan’s dangling cock and grabbed it, pumping and adding to the stimulus. He wanted Dan to feel him everywhere. Even once they were done.

“Oh Dan…you are so beautiful like this,” Phil praised, hoping that it would make Dan blush. Sure enough, Dan’s face went red from the exhaustion and the compliment, to which Phil just kissed his shoulder blade where he could see a little red dot. “I love you so much. Always have.”

Dan seemed to like those words and he let out a nearly intoxicating noise as Phil started thrusting deeper and faster. Now Phil was panting into Dan’s ear and he took note of maybe going on a few more runs. If Dan and Phil were going to start fucking like rabbits, he would need to build up his stamina.

Only a few minutes went by and Phil was getting close, his cock was twitching inside of Dan, his heart pounding in his chest. The beautiful boy beneath him was now releasing sounds that Phil had never heard before. Not through the walls of their flat or from Anthony’s bedroom. Dan was nearly gargling and there was drool pooling on the pillowcase. He was in absolute bliss. He looked so fucked out and Phil was terribly surprised he hadn’t come yet.

“Gonna-” Dan couldn’t even finish his declaration before Dan was coming all over Phil’s hand and his hole was clenching as his thighs spasmed. Phil lost control in that moment and came inside Dan immediately, his moan reaching Dan’s level of volume.

That’s when Dan fell to the bed and Phil’s cock slid out of him. The boy was completely in a trans which gave Phil a moment to breathe himself. He was recovering from fucking chicken pox. The fatigue was expected.

Phil then decided that his fatigue was nothing compared to the state that Dan looked to be in. He was dripping come from between his cheeks and his bed was now completely covered in jizz. Phil smiled as he looked down at the boy he had spent so little time with this week and asked the Universe what he had done to deserve this. To deserve Dan Howell.

He got up and ran to the bathroom to fetch a moist towel, then delicately cleaning off the various fluids on Dan’s body. He started on his neck, cleaning off the possible marks that Phil had kissed and licked. Then he moved down to clean between the boy’s bum cheeks. Dan hummed in approval and Phil flipped him over to clean his other side. Finally, Phil wiped off his cock and he threw the towel onto the floor. He could deal with that later. For now, Dan needed rest. Surely he would need it for what was about to hit him.

Phil knew from experience.

He stood and picked up the tired boy, surprised by his own strength, carrying him to Phil’s unmade bed. He placed him gently on the sheets and then stretched the duvet over Dan who was looking up at him with a sparkle in his eye that Phil felt blessed to be the object of. Phil moved quickly, grabbing two pairs of his own underwear and then dressing himself and Dan so that they weren’t both completely nude between the sheets when Phil climbed in alongside Dan.

Much like a child might, Dan immediately wrapped himself around Phil and Phil nearly melted when Dan’s warm figure coiled itself around Phil’s bare chest and legs. Dan looked so frail and soft and Phil still couldn’t believe that he had just had sex with the love of his life.

“Phil?” Dan muttered into Phil’s chest. Phil kissed the top of Dan’s sweaty forehead.

“Hm?”

“Im sorry,” Dan said softly, his eyes closed and his mouth moving against Phil’s slight patch of chest hair.

“No, I’m sorry, Dan. I was a really shitty friend. I shouldn’t have said the things I did,” Phil frowned, hoping Dan wouldn’t judge his character for it. “You had every right to have other relationships and I shouldn’t have gotten so jealous.”

Dan smirked and then looked up, a blush covering his face.

“No no…I’m not sorry about sleeping with-” he cut himself off, seeing Phil’s face change from sentimental to cross, abandoning his sentence and picking up a new one. “I meant, I’m sorry in advance for how much you’re going to have to do for me in the next couple days.”

Phil blinked and tried not to think about what Dan had just said about Anthony.

“I’m a bitch when I’m sick and since you’ve already had chicken pox, you can’t get it again. You’re the only one that can help make me soup and shit,” Dan whined, blinking endearingly up at Phil. Phil assumed it was because he knew what he said before hadn’t helped his case. When Phil just stared down at him, Dan rolled his eyes. “And I’m sorry for sleeping with Anthony. There, better?”

Phil smiled and pulled the younger boy closer.

“Much,” he answered. “Thank you.”

“But it’s not like this ever would have happened if I hadn’t…”

“Watch it…” Phil warned, biting his lip and narrowing his eyes. “We aren’t going to talk about it.”

“Just like we aren’t going to talk about how you liked me for EIGHT years and said nothing?” Dan joked, his voice quiet but still quite chipper. “Nothing at all!”

“I was scared!”

“Of what?” Dan laughed. “You know, when you told me you were in love with me, I left the room and stood there nearly cackling. I fucking knew it.”

Phil pushed the younger boy away from him for a moment to look at him. Dan’s eyes were crinkled on the side and his mouth was turned up in a smirk.

“I waited for so long, Phil! If you asked me, I would have said yes in a heartbeat,” he continued, his head shaking. “It’s funny how it took a boy from LA to make you speak up.”

Phil sighed and pulled Dan closer to his chest. He didn’t want to think about all the wasted time. Not right now. Not while they were both still living in a post-orgasm bubble.

“You know, you coulda made yourself more clear ya know…” Phil said, sighing and kissing Dan softly, over and over. As if he couldn’t express one kiss enough.

“I bought you flowers, Phil. Your favorite flowers. How did you miss that?” Dan argued, his voice raising but also breaking and he lowered it back down to a whisper.

“You sent them to your parents too! It wasn’t just me,” Phil claimed, his heart racing. He was sure that Dan could feel it from where his head was resting.

Dan laughed.

“No, Phil. God you’re so stupid…” Dan sighed. “I sent them to my parents after you said nothing for three days. That way it wasn’t awkward. I knew they would call and thank me so I had you answer it. It was all because you didn’t pick up on it in the first place!”

It was Phil’s turn to laugh and he sighed.

“Clearly we need to work on our mind reading skills.”

“Yeah. Maybe that’s why we suck at the bomb game.”

“Most likely.”

“Phil?” Dan said softly.

Phil kissed his forehead like it was some sort of drug to do so. “Hm?”

“I really do love you. You believe me, right?”

Phil thought for a moment. Did he believe his best friend? The one he had been pining and trying to romance for eight years? The one that has stuck by him for years and years, even though he’s a little strange? The one that he had fallen for the moment he met? The one that was lying in his arms and breathing slowly into his chest.

“Of course, Dan,” he answered. “And I love you too.”

“Good.” Dan said it like it was an obligation and not a choice. But wasn’t it? Wasn’t loving Dan obligatory? It was impossible not to love the boy, even when he was part of the reason they hadn’t been together all this time. “Because you’re gonna have to love me tomorrow when I need help distracting myself from the itch.”

“Ah, like you helped me?” Phil sassed, a his playful tone signaling that he didn’t really care. However, teasing Dan was kind of fun and he wasn’t going to let this go.

“Shut up! I said I was sorry!”

“Not for that.”

“Fine…” Dan kissed Phil’s chest softly. “I’m sorry.” His words sounded genuine and he planted another kiss on Phil’s chest. “Anything else?”

“Uhhhh…..” Phil pretended to think about it and Dan just kind of shoved him, letting out another sigh.

“Can we sleep now? I’m tired and I can feel a headache coming already…” Dan mumbled.

“Sure thing,” Phil agreed, his body already reacting with a yawn.

“Oh and Phil?”

“Hm?”

“This is forever, yeah?”

Phil blinked. Was Dan asking what he thought he was asking? So casually as well.

He didn’t want to hesitate so he just tightened his grasp on the sleepy boy and smiled.

“Yes, Love. This is forever.”

-

“Phiiiiiiiil!” Dan called from Phil’s bedroom, the sound of two oven mitts clapping together made Phil roll his eyes from the kitchen. “Where’s my soup? I’m hungry!”

“Three more minutes!” Phil replied, currently watching the soup on the stove.

“Three minuteees?” Dan whined, a surprisingly childish wail coming from his throat. “Can’t you make it any faster?”

Phil put down his stirring spoon and appeared in the doorway, smiling at the boy who was trying to scratch at his spots with the mitts.

“Hey, hey, hey…” Phil walked over and grabbed Dan’s hands. “No scratching.”

“How the hell did you do this? They itch so bad!” Dan complained, pulling Phil down on the bed with him. Phil shook his head and kissed at a couple of the little marks. It may not solve much, but it was better than the scratching.

“I was a bit distracted having a minor crisis,” Phil said, smiling fondly down at Dan’s puppy dog eyes. Dan just looked at his lap and sighed.

“I want one of those…”

“Trust me, you don’t,” Phil answered, getting up and going to the kitchen. “One minute!”

He collected the bowl of soup and brought it back to the bed where he pressed resume on their anime of the week. Dan decided that he would lie in bed all day with Phil while they watched anime and slurped soup. Phil sat behind Dan with the younger boy between his legs, pretending to be the arms for the both of them. He let Dan hold the bowl with his oven mitts and then he spoon fed the whiny boy until there was nothing left.

Yeah, Dan had chicken pox and maybe he was a spoiled brat when he was sick, but at least he was Phil’s spoiled brat.

He would never have said it before, but Phil was grateful for his terrible luck and those little red spots that-

“Dan! Stop scratching!”

“But Phiiiiiiiil…”

[sage-nebula]

How about top ten favorite pokemon/pokemon characters?

Hahaha, games or anime? Well, I’ll do a mixture of both.

Alan — (PokéAni) — He’s my favorite overall and that’s probably more than a little obvious at this point, heh. I’ve also explained why a dozen times so I probably don’t need to go into the whole spiel again. He is my valiant dragon son and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever related to a fictional character more than I relate to him.

Zinnia — (Pokémon ORAS) — Alan is my favorite character overall from the anime, but Zinnia is my favorite character overall from the games. I once saw someone say that the way Zinnia talks about the original Aster can’t be insinuating anything other than romantic love, and that is absolute nonsense because the speech Zinnia gave about Aster was exactly how I felt about Shiloh, right down to “I loved her, I loved her with everything I had … but I still lost her.” It’s just love. But without spiraling into Discourse™, my main point here is that ORAS came out about two months before Shiloh died, and so I experienced the Delta Episode right around the time of her death. Zinnia’s grief over Aster hit me hard because I was similarly grieving Shiloh, and that coupled with the fact that I adore her attitude and personality (she takes no shit from anyone, not even fandom’s darling Steven Stone, and I love it and I love her), made me fall for her pretty fast.

Ash Ketchum — (PokéAni) — I feel like I can’t mention PokéAni characters without mentioning my other child, who is Ash. Honestly, I’m mostly thinking of his OS characterization here—he was at his best when he was at his most snarky and feisty, imo—but I love him overall anyway. I’ve loved him since childhood and I’m not about to stop now.

Morty — (Pokémon GSC/HGSS) — The Gym Leader of Ecruteak City and perpetual straight man to Eusine’s … well. Eusine. I always thought he had one of the best designs in the series (something HGSS somehow managed to improve on) but while writing playthrough drabbles of SoulSilver I really became attached to his character (and how I expanded on him) and his relationship with Eusine. I’ll always love Morty, and speaking of him …

Eusine — (Pokémon GSC/HGSS) — This overdramatic dork, I love him. I love how he is in the games, and also how I was able to expand on his character (and relationship with Morty) through the drabbles. Again, I’ll always love Eusine. He’ll always be one of my faves.

Cheren & Bianca — (Pokémon BW/B2W2) — I’m cheating a bit by putting them in the same numerical list, but a.) I’m quickly running out of room, and b.) they’re the Best Friends™, so I feel like I’m allowed, especially since I could never list one here without listing the other. I absolutely love both of these kids, to the point where when N made passive-aggressive comments about them in Chargestone Cave I wanted to punch him in the face (like, I like you, N, but you’re not my bestie, watch yourself). I love how Cheren tries so hard to be responsible, mature, and on top of things, yet is still a teenage boy at heart, and although Bianca got the short end of the stick in the original games (they screwed her over so hard and it is unjust), I love that she ends up becoming Juniper’s assistant. These two will always be my favorite rivals. Always. ♥

N — (Pokémon BW/B2W2) — I can hear his theme music in my head even now. What I love about N is that it requires such a perfect balance to get his characterization exactly right. He was lied to about certain aspects of Ghetsis’ plan (he never knew that pokémon were used to build the castle, he didn’t know that Ghestis planned to overtake the throne and rule), but at the same time he was perfectly aware of other aspects (he knew that they were going to take over the Unova region by force, knew that they were going to separate people from pokémon, et cetera). N is proud and extremely intelligent, has his moments of jealousy and salt (his comments against Cheren and Bianca in Chargestone Cave scream of jealousy to me, and his “I was even starting to like you a little” line in the castle is salt if I’ve ever heard it). He’s a wonderfully complex character and I love him for it.

Emma — (Pokémon XY) — Emma is by far my favorite character in the Gen VI games. She starts off as a tough street urchin who is taken in by Looker, and quickly reveals herself to be an extremely loyal, warm-hearted, dedicated, responsible person who wants to do anything she can for the people she loves. Her post-game story was the first time the Gen VI games actually moved me, 

Gladion — (Pokémon SM) — Here’s another character whose theme music I can hear in my head right now, as well as another character who was shafted unfairly by the narrative. I find Gladion’s responses to the abuse he went through at Lusamine’s hands to be incredibly relatable and realistic, given that many of the ways in which he behaves and dresses are ways that I myself acted when I was young and fresh out of my abusive mother’s household. In this respect, I could relate to Gladion far more than I could relate to his sister. I wish that Gladion had an actual role in the climax of the plot, as he should have, but I love him every time he shows up anyway. At one point Guzma was like, “It’s time to battle ya boy!” and I was just like, “Gladion’s here?!” Sorry, Guzma, but I really don’t care about you. I’m here for Gladion, 100%.

Lillie — (Pokémon SM) — That said, I also really, really love Lillie a lot, too. She’s the actual protagonist of the Gen VII games, the one the story is actually about, the one who actually moves it forward, and she has some of the most pronounced character development out of any character in the games (starting from even before her outfit change—remember, she chose to go to Aether Paradise with Plumeria, she wasn’t strictly kidnapped). Lillie is great, and I’d love sequel games set in Kanto/Johto/Sevii where we get to face her as the rival. I think that would be fantastic.

Honorable Mentions: Karen (GSC/HGSS) and Iris (BW/B2W2), who wouldn’t fit on this list but whom I still adore beyond reason. Oh, and Cynthia (DPPt), too. And Roxie (B2W2), and Professor Burnet (SM), and …

[find-your-rp-partner]

Fandom partner search

Hello everyone! Estrella here. Right now I’m searching for some new roleplay partners. Long term or short, looking for both. Some stuff: Partners must be 18+, no exceptions. I write in paragraph form I use third person, past tense Email only Smut is fine with me Limits: In the roleplay itself, no limits for me. I go by what the other person is comfortable, and each of my characters would have their own ‘limits’ depending on their personality and how they are written. Please let me know what your limits are, and if there are any kinks you, or your character, has. Please do not god-mod my character. Most experience with m/f, though willing to m// or f// Can do single characters, also willing to double, or use multiple side characters. Alright, so with that over with, here’s what I’m looking for. Fandoms – AU, though we can stick fairly close to story if you want. I just like AU because it gives a bit more leeway in the writing. Original ideas – always good in my opinion. Fandoms I am interested in at the moment: Video games: ***Final Fantasy 15 (have played Final Fantasy 10, 10-2, 12 and 15, willing to do rp based on any. Have ideas for 10 and 15.) ***Persona 5 – can also include earlier persona, though I’ve only played #5. Pokemon – Mystery Dungeon, Coliseum, and any of the other games. Have not watched anime past first season, and picked up a few here and there. *Assassins Creed – have played all of them. *Rogue Galaxy – or a version there off. (Zegram is my favorite character, though they are all cool) *Mafia - #3 is the only one I have played, but Vito is my favorite character by far. Really enjoy his storyline. Books/Movies: Three Musketeers Count of Monte Cristo Avengers   (Loki redemption anyone? Fine without it, but he is my favorite character and I have a plot twist for him. I would like to play as him) Black Butler – or something based off it. **Tortall – I’d like to do an AU of any of Tamora Pierce’s books that are set in Tortall, or come up with an entirely new story set in that world. Harry Potter  - have read the books, have not seen movies. Lord of the Rings Vampire Knight  - or a variation of it.  *Cross-overs.    These are always welcome.

Final Fantasy 10:  In the game, Tidus is the son of the person that became Sin. Well, I have an idea for an OC, to take Tidus place.  Sorta.  Back when Yunalesca obtained the 'Final Summoning' that was not, in fact, the true final summoning. She was supposed to activate a lift in Zanarkand that would take her to the final temple, that floated high above Mr. Gagazet. There, she would wake the final summon - the man named Yevon. Yu Yevon's (being inside Sin) brother. By calling on all the summons she had obtained so far she would give the final summon wings - Valefor, strength - Ifrit, Sword (or spear) - Ixion, and ultimate attack - Bahamut. Other summons would add other things as well. However, she chose to not do that, instead creating her own Final Summoning and challenging Sin without the true Final Summon. Thus creating the cycle of death. Yeven slumbers on though, still waiting for the day he would be summoned for a battle against his brother, to save the people from Sin's destruction.  - We could start by playing part of that storyline out, or we can just jump to where Yevon (or whatever name he goes by, when he's not the summon) is woken from his state as a fayth by Auron. Shortly after he is woken, Sin attacks- in this case, Jecht could still be the oc's father, or we could have it that he was a guardian of the OC, when the oc first did the journey to gain strength and become the final fayth. After that, general follow the storyline, though the OC would have a connection with the summons. ***Final Fantasy 15: I have a couple ideas for this one. One is basically the main storyline, the other one is a possible redemption arc. In this version, King Regis and the Emperor were in peace talks when assassins hit (From a cult of Ifrit), trying to take out both rulers. King Regis is now in a deep sleep (almost like an Odin’s sleep), while the Emperor is injured but able to rule. Since Regis is currently passed out, the Emperor claims control and takes over, saying peace talks will resume when Regis wakes, but till then he will rule to ensure the country remains ‘protected.’ Some of the Kingsguard remain to protect the sleeping Regis, while others go to try and find the assassins, and figure out who did this. Meanwhile what Noctis and crew is up to remains the same, only he learns his father is in a deep sleep, not dead. The Emperor puts out a ‘search’ for Noctis, claiming that he thinks the prince should be with his father. Though Cor and the other Kingsguard do not trust the Emperor’s intentions, and advice Noctis to avoid being taken back to Insomnia until they know what’s going on. After Noctis meets with Cor, and gets the first of the Royal Arms, Gentiana pays a visit.  Here’s a little ‘clip’ that explains it fairly well. Cor paused as he stepped out of the Royal Tomb, frowning slightly as he saw the tall dark haired woman standing nearby. “Gentiana? Why aren’t you with the Oracle?” “The Oracle is resting for now, and I’ve a message I must deliver.” She turned, her eyes locking on Noctis. “Two paths lay before you, following the same road for the most part but branching at times. When the path truly splits one way leads to many deaths, but a cleansing of this world. The other path leads to many trials, but to a redemption. Both paths involve the dark king of old. In the first path, you will have to kill the dark king. But in killing him the chance of saving your father dies, and the astrals will claim their payment as well. The second path before you is the harder of the two. Where you redeem the darkened heart of the dark king. Once redeemed he has the ability to heal your father, and to drive the darkness away. This path is a dangerous one, as some astrals will support you and others will not. Just as their support was split on him. Shiva was killed for defending him, and he was cursed because the astrals feared him. To redeem him, you must understand him. To understand him, you must learn his past, discover how he became as dark as he now is.” Gentiana shook her head. “Both paths will be trying and tiring. Both will be hard. Make your choices carefully. The Dark King sees you as his salvation. Either his death or redemption. He also sees you as competition.” She motioned to the royal tomb. “There are twenty six tombs total. He has already collected the weapons from three, and searching for the others. You would be wise to focus your search and find as many as you can, before he. If he gathers more then you, there is no chance of you defeating him. For redemption, or death.” “Dark King? Are you saying there’s another King of Insomnia?” Ignis demanded. “Impossible, King Regis had only one child, and Noctis is the only living relative.” “The dark King was born ages past, and cursed by the astrals with immortality and cursed healing because they knew with the royal ring he would surpass their power. They would not be able to demand their usual price. He was once a healer, a protector, but his many years in darkness have made his heart cold.” She shook her head. “That is all I can tell you, for now. Your paths will cross again and again, this is without a doubt.” “One way is death the other redemption huh?” Prompto looked at the others then turned to ask Gentiana another question, but the woman was gone. In this setting I’d like to have an Ardyn and oc pair that we follow. He is determined to destroy the power of the astrals and return free use of magic to mortals. He also wishes to free the royal line from having to pay a price, to protect the country.  Would also like to see Noctis’ group followed. Each of us could choose one character as our main the other two would be secondary. And go from there. Since this is Au, I’m fine with switching out the party members some. Could have an oc instead of one of the original party. ***Final Fantasy 15 / Persona 5 crossover:*** The Final Fantasy portion would follow what I have above (or something similar depending on what we decide.)  The Persona 5 part would occur in the Lestallium, the Persona 5 world is in Lestallium, and the area stretching north of that, but it would have a social structure similar to in the Persona 5 game. In this AU, the metaverse and the real realm have already ‘crossed over’ to some extent, as daemons are shadows that were powerful enough to cross over on their own. By defeating shadows in the metaverse, it reduces the amount of daemons in the ‘real world.’ Akechi would find redemption in this version, or could, depending on how it plays out. The black mask is because his own shadow has grown powerful enough to take control of him in its shadow form. (Just not as badly as Ardyn is) He is a wild card, like Akira. Though if Akira and the others are able to free Akechi before it’s too late is up to be seen. (Very possible that Akechi has a sibling who is doing the killings willingly, while Akechi is actually being manipulated by ‘Igor’ though that depends on how the story goes and what the person playing him decides.) For the most part these two would be going on at the same time, but separate. We could focus on one and switch back and forth between the two, or we could do both at the same time. One on the top part of the email the other on the bottom. At some point they would encounter Ardyn, and there would be a way to tie the two together. Perhaps Ardyn’s full ‘redemption’ is impossible without his palace being explored and treasure taken. They may even learn about his palace right after they finish the first one, but find it impossible to go past the first floor at first, so they have to focus on other things while they work at becoming stronger, trying to unlock more of his palace. Also thinking that eventually (not at first) they discover they are able to call on their persona in the real world, for protection.  Of course any ideas or suggestions on the above is welcome. Persona 5:  I would have a ton of fun doing this one. I’d like to do a redemption for Akechi. As I mentioned add a second dark mask- his brother or half-brother. Or even a half-sister. Have the black mask represent a shadow, instead of a persona. The mask is black because the shadow is in control of the person, not the person in charge of the persona. Assassins Creed: My idea here is a combination of the present day, and trips into the animus. In the present day there are two people, a man and a woman, that are being sent into the animas to search for artifacts, live through memories, and so on. In the real world, one is an assassin the other a templar. In the animus, the family lines jump between the two some, sometimes the two working together, sometimes the two fighting each other. The chain of memories they are following clashes repeatedly. Going as far back as the Crusades, to as recent as the World Wars.  The two don't realize they are meeting another person inside the animus, at least not at first, but they slowly start to form a connection until things just click and they realize the other person is another person inside the animus memories. So, what happens? Does the assassin convince the Templar to join the Assassians, or does the Templar convince the Assassian to betray the Assassians? Do they go their sepreate ways, or do they fight? Only time will tell. So those are my current ideas but if any of the other fandoms catch your interest, or if you have a different idea all together, feel free to let me know.

Anyhow, if you’re interested in any of the ideas above, or have an idea of your own, shoot me an email at estrella.lemar@gmail.com