#i just feel so full of love and goodness | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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hinamie · 2 months

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domain expansion

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #fanart #jjk fanart #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk leaks #jjk 264 #yuuji #help she entered a fugue state and finished a painting in 7 hours again #I still wish with all my heart that wed gotten megumi but HOLDS UP YUUJI THATS MY BOYYYYYYY #god his face is Messed Up i feel so bad #but i do think this is how ill go about drawing the injuries from now on :'>#just a Mess of flesh tones on that boy :((((( maybe shoko can kiss it better #anyway towards the end of drawing this my llsif pilled brain supplied 'domain expansion: happy party train' and i think its a keeper #yuuji if u havent picked a name yet pls consider thank u <3 #a train station tho......as much of a vibe as it is i SUFFERED #the high ceilings full of pipework...the parallel lines....thank god i make the rules and dont actually have to detail it all #i love u vague lines that convey Essence Of Room #i think it works !!! i feel like im waiting fr a train n watching time slow around me as the lights stretch #btw the rake brush is SO good fr making lil bits of stretched light like u r squinting . i love it i have fun #anyway enjoy !!! him!!!! we r truly in yuuji kaisen i never Once doubted my boy

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month

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Hello Madam. Sorry Madam.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #madam jin #jin zixuan #jiang yanli #'Hey what is WWX trying to do here?' some kind of grab-and-twist maneuver that would be very upsetting to watch.#I know LWJ technically assists WWX in this scene in terms of blocking someone's blow on his behalf -#- but let's be honest. Real friends stop you from doing the truly stupid things.#Or maybe it was envy. Penis envy. The non-freudian kind.#Regardless...man this whole scene was just full of “and then someone else walks in”.#I swear to god every cultivator who is supposed to be hunting ends up wandering into this part of the woods.#a bonus for me because it gives me several good joke opportunities.#Madam Jin gets top prize for best entrance and exit. I wish her all the best. And a divorce…madam please leave him…#And can we please address the horses? I love horses. But why...why do they ride in on horses when they HAVE FLYING SWORDS?#I can only imagine it is for the dramatic flair? It just feels so jarring hearing someone clip clop in #and then another person swoop in on a sword.#The rules of mdzs's world can get fuzzy and I have to nod in an impressed manner at how much MXTX gets away not explaining.#Maybe the sword gets tired after a while and they need to give it a break? Maybe there is a sword union that dictates working hour limits?#…Would that make Chenqing a scab? Oh god it would… unions *hate* this flute!

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loves2spwge · 11 months

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a very sweet & loving stankyle kiss i commissioned from @currrsy 💙💚

#sp style #south park #aaahh this still feels so dreamy i need 2 keep staring at them forever and ever #the little details!!!!! just agh love the way their hair looks so fluffy and messy and its still my fav thing about cursys stan #poor baby always looks like hes in need of a good rest and here it looks like kyle can kiss him until he falls asleep #kyles got him hes safe in his arms ;;#the little hearts were such a cute little bonus ^_^ and the green shade was exactlyyyy what i had in mind !!#and all their freckles & beauty marks so so love i kissie each and every one ✨ + stans dark circles mwah 💋#my heart is so full and happy thank you so much cursy!!💗#💘

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dustbunsinspace · 9 months

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Part of 🟢 Leo gets Overwhelmed au🟢

Aah, I’m so happy I made it in in time! 💙✨ Merry Christmas, tumblr nation! Here’s a little comic about 03 Usagi and Leo going so see the Rockefeller tree after the events of the Christmas Aliens episode.

Little post about events earlier that night

Also this is literally how maskless Leo looks to me, he’s so moomincore ;

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watchingwisteria · 9 months

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im so sorry i get it now i really do, the gay angels have me shaking screaming crying at all hours of the day and night, they mean everything to me i am literally thinking about them all the time and what it would mean to love someone steadily and silently through eternity, what it would mean to love across the lines of a divine war of supposed good and evil, what it would mean to carve out a space for oneself and ones lover in no man’s land, in the grey and moral ambiguity when you were created to be black and white without blemish. god i love them so much i just

#update from the tags : posted this after watching s1 knowing the end of s2 #and i was like hm hope im not too offbase #but imagine my surprise when they literally said ‘i love this space we carved for ourselves’#I WAS SICK #ineffable husbands #<< u dont get it. i used to see that and it meant nothing to me. now its like a knife inside me #good omens #aziracrow #crowley #aziraphale #ur girl watches good omens #experiencing full brain rot. like every song is about them somehow #im imaginging edits in my head bc i do nawt have time to make them for real #i just bought the book and i am about to devour it #lol another update #the drama in this post is so HDISJSISB but i was FEELING IT #i was GOING THROUGH IT…#and when i think abt them for too long i still am

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non-un-topo · 5 months

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Thinking about Yusuf and Nicolò as young men again

#the old guard #kaysanova #yusuf al kaysani #nicolo di genova #siggy draws #it ain't much but it's more than i've drawn in months. i miss this sort of cartoony style. like a dreamworks movie almost lol #my brain conjured an anime ending apparently and i can't explain why #maybe they're too girly looking but i didn't feel like using reference pictures so i guess they're bishounen sdfghfds #ahh i usually have director's commentary in the tags #yusuf is probably around 23-25 and nico is 19-22? though i can't say confidently that yusuf would be able to grow a full beard at 23 #but maybe he can maybe he's just that powerful #they're either very sad and lonely or very pensive. or both. maybe they're longing for something more... maybe a true love #i also dk what these clothes are. yusuf has some good clothes on. is probably flourishing as a merchant but still longs for More #nicolo is wearing... a tunic? but it could be a thin gambeson instead. maybe he's learning how to use a sword #i try to capture their best assets in this doodly style: yusuf's eyelashes and cute ears and weirdly shaped eyebrows #and nicolo's nose and heavy brow and the fact that he has almost no lips from the side lol

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year

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lighting & color practice with the Fluffy Fruits <3

#apologies if this is low quality! i scribbled them Small!#they make me insaaaaane Insaaaaane~#me @ howdy: why is your waist so small? so that other men can hold it???#the answer is Yes #listen listen okay LISTEN-#yknow whenever i draw laughingstock #it feels like im just knocking two barbies together. full speed. little pieces of plastic are flying everywhere #AND ITS SO FUN <3 #they are in looooooove in love in love #yk in my mind theyre That Couple that never leaves the honeymoon phase #they delight in each other's company too much....#In. My. Mind.#laughingstock #scribble salad #howdy x barnaby #barnaby x howdy #GAHHHHHH RAH RAH RAH THESE FUCKIN SILLY LITTLE PUPPETS THAT WILL NEVER BE CANON #AGH AGH AGH #you see getting into wh is good for me bc its bringing me down several pegs #i Needed to get obsessed with a rarepair.#i got too greedy w/ pairings like timkon and sasunaru and aziracrow and nandermo etc etc #which all have at the very least Lots Of Subtext and Basis and Creations To Enjoy #this is good for me. im in my corner having a good somewhat solitary time #me and the like. two other laughingstock artists are parallel playing thankyew <3 #anyway laughingstock makes for a Good Warmup #scribble a few of these and im ready to work on Big Stuff! comms and the like!#they provide such a service to me emotionally and artistically <3 #they make the 'tism go Waaahhhhhh!!!!

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mourn-and-watch · 1 year

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merrill dragon age isn't The Character in terms of being the guy with the juiciest backstory details or protagonist material but she is The Person. The Heart. she was working on one of the most important researches of elven history and no one believed in her. not her keeper, her teacher and mother figure. nor her clan, the only family she's ever had. nor hawke's friends, the only people who were surrounding her for six years. the only person who can actually place their faith in her is hawke but if they don't she won't mind. she is used to it, being on her own. and, despite everything, she believes in people. she knows it matters. better than anyone.

she has never heard a nice word from fenris, but she still tries to cheer him up from time to time. she has never heard a nice word from anders either and she still feels for him. varric annoys her when he tries to distract her from the eluvian, but she appreciates it because she knows he means well. aveline refers to her work as senseless and potentially dangerous for the city, but she is still happy for her when she falls in love.

if hawke sides with mages in the last straw merrill is the first to support them. "I believe in you, hawke", she says, when everyone else is consumed by doubt. and then she's the only one who openly suggests sparing anders. so he can put things right.

she knows the feeling. when you're on your own and everyone thinks you're beyond salvation, undeserving of compassion or understanding. and this is the best she can offer for people she cares about: her unconditional faith, her sympathy, a second chance. the things she was desparately looking for and never had. she believes in people because she knows: there's no one else to believe in them

#going through my screenshots and every time i see 'i believe in you hawke' i want to explode #she's an unacknowledged genius but also she's the brightest person in kirkwall with the heart of gold #and i wish we talked about her smartness and willingness to discuss and defend her opinions more #but she's also genuinely such a good person. not in the 'haha silly pretty and clueless naive girl' way #but in the 'thoughtful and caring and compassionate woman who tries to learn from her mistakes and deepest regrets' way #her banters are full of these themes. believing and second chances and atonement and it just makes me feel things #if i were to put it all in this post it would be practically endless because i really lack the ability to shut up #spiraling back into my merrill brainrot. i love her i love her i love her so much #merrill #dragon age

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98chao · 3 months

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truly i love all of you and i'm so grateful for all the support i get on my vanilla milkshake posts here because i've just seen the way people talk about vanilla milkshake and mysticao on twitter and its genuinely taken 50 years off my life. now i've been reminded as to why i should never join the crk fandom on twitter

#its not even just twitter but the comments i get on tiktok all the time make me want to blow myself up genuinely #on twitter i just saw a thread about mysticao going like Oh durr how can u ship it after reading ep 4 #and then proceeds to post a reply saying “enemies to lovers is really good if its done well!! but theyre just torturing each other here” ??#so you dont like enemies to lovers then . what do you think enemies to lovers means ??? they just argue sometimes? lol #also wdym “if its done well” we haven't gotten the full lore of the beasts #and its implied that they only turned this way because they were wronged somehow #that + the amount of power and responsibility that having the full soul jam put on them it was literally a recipe for corruption #its not even as if dark cacao thinks mystic flour was just evil to be evil he literally CALLS HER OUT on being insecure #she wanted to create a world without individuality and without personal interests that could lead to harm of others #which i think is heavily tied to her backstory we havent seen yet #imo. this would in fact be enemies to lovers done well #i dont even ship them btw. but i feel obligated to defend it since i just hate ppl who take this stuff at face value #its such a shame that twitter people have the literacy skills of a 1st grader because i would love to post my crk art on there #and make some friends #but if ppl would be like Erm you cant ship shadowvanilla its hashtag toxic and a red flag!!#then like oookay lol whatever man #sorry for the yappathon #txt #not art #discourse

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i-dreamed-i-had-a-son · 23 days

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Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet

Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)

Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked

#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media #bbc sherlock #sherlock holmes #and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series #specifically relating to the cultural impact #there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured #and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people #and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes #BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show #yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting #AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john #the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love #there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now #but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is #not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was #anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives #funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second #kay has a party in the tags

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helluvahotmess · 4 months

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'I want you to continue to be who you are.' what if i fucking died what then

#i rewatched stolas' confession and i just screaming crying throwing up #i feel like that tells you with upmost certainty that stolas genuinely adores blitz hes so in love with him #stolitz #stolas #blitzø #helluva boss #blitzo #blitz #hb full moon #also do you think blitz mother said something similar to him back then #i can 100% see this being a quote thats paralleled later on #and it would make so much heartbreaking sense with tilla #like going by the shot in the trailer #hes wearing that outfit from the accident #(i know its probably a hallucination but it might be a hallucination that creates a flashback scene)#i hc he went to her and their last conversation was about confessing to fizz #and she said to him something like 'always be you no matter what'#also hc she helped him with the letter (just cause of the correct spelling)#and she gave him her necklace as good luck (and thats why he still has it)#cause if everyone believed he did it on purpose nobody wouldve given him anything of hers #sorry i am going off on a tangent here #can you tell i want the ghostfuckers ep so badly!!!

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lillymakesart · 4 months

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my new OC: cempaka!

she is based on the story/universe that my friend @haydardotjpg's OCs indra and yuwei exist in! pls go checkout haydar's art he is amazing!! his ocs can be found more easily on his ig but if you're lazy this is his oc indra (cempaka's one-sided love interest) and yuwei (indra's fated lover)

also, cempaka means "magnolia" in malay!! (she gets a flower name bc my name is lilly which is also flower c:)

bonus first iteration under the cut!

i accidentally had "poinsettia" flower in mind when i did this iteration instead of an actual magnolia, hence the color scheme. but yeah, this is as self-insert as it gets LOL like she's literally MEEEEEE but still very different and i love her as she is <3