#i just need a place to vent the HELL out of my feelings bc i am not going back to therapy

[pierregaslays]

:(

[ironmanstan]

the dichotomy of man (need to get out of this fuckin house but if i go then i can not see my cats)

[batz]

-

[pinkanonwrites]

this isnt a request or anything btu swerve is getting his hands kissed and his aft soundly Romanced after that latest fic. god. tending to him after the bar closes and youre with him in his berthroom and making sure he's okay and just. kissing his palms and his wrists or whatever the cybertronian word equivalent is bc ogugh im gonna kiss the hell out of him morticia and gomez adams style. my big strong handsome man. i need to smother him with a pillow (affectionate) HJDGSGKMDS

HE DESERVES TO BE WINED AND DINED SO HARD.

I feel like Swerve is a sucker for romantic things, and just the act of you holding and kissing his hands has his fuel pump skipping a beat. Servos are also one of the more sensitive places on a bot, since you need all that tactile feedback in order to hold an carry things in your big metal hands without crushing them. So he's shuddering from helm to pede as your soft lips brush against the joints and plating of his digits, a single kiss to the inside of the wrist enough to have him venting excess steam between his dentae.

[froggibus]

When You’re Feeling Sad - Cassidy, Genji, Lucio, Ramattra, Zenyatta

Pairing: Cole Cassidy x gn! reader, Genji Shimada x gn! reader, Lucio Correia dos Santos x gn! reader, Ramattra x gn! reader, Zenyatta x gn! reader

Genre: fluffy headcanons

Summary: how they would treat you when you’re feeling sad

CW: feelings of sadness, hormones, feeling down, talking about feelings, emotional intimacy, the boys trying to cheer you up in their own ways

having a bit of a rough day and I needed some fluff with my favorite boys so here we are :) kinda similar to this, but oh well

————

Cassidy:

honestly isn’t great when it comes to feelings

but especially not great with his own

one of his biggest love languages is gift giving so whenever you’re sad he’ll just give you stuff 

a cupcake from that place you’ve been wanting to try, a limited edition of your favorite book 

he’s not against some quality time sitting down with you either 

if you want to talk about your feelings, he’ll listen, but he probably won’t say much in return 

not that he’s not listening, because trust me, he is

he just isn’t sure what to say and doesn’t want to risk upsetting you more

so instead he’ll respond with slight touches 

a squeeze to the hand for reassurance, a kiss on the forehead 

once you start to feel better, he’ll propose a pyjama party and movie marathon 

and he’ll watch whatever movie you choose with a smile on his face bcs he knows it’ll make you happy

Genji:

pretty well adjusted when it comes to emotions 

he learned from the best after all

insanely good listener 

like can sit there and listen to you talk for hours to try and understand what you’re feeling 

very good at empathising with you too

will hold your hand and rub his thumb against your palm 

makes sure to keep you well hydrated and well fed

he’s not the best cook given he spent most of his youth on more important things (like being a slut) 

so he’ll probably just order you your favorite takeout 

he’ll tell you stories of his youth just to make you laugh even if he’s embarrassed as hell about it

makes sure you feel loved and understood because he never wants you to feel alone

Lucio:

silly little music man 

he will do anything it takes to cheer you up

probably plays you a song on his guitar or something and changes lyrics to be silly/fit you 

his first instinct is to always make you laugh 

but he realizes that isn’t always what you need 

so he’ll put the guitar away and settle down with you

grabs your hands and says something like 

“let’s talk this out” 

let’s you vent whatever you’re feeling (or not feeling) 

and does his absolute best to listen even tho he isn’t always great at it 

your ability to express emotions has always been something he’s admired about you

and is one reason why you’ll forever be his muse 

and he makes sure you know it so you’ll never feel embarrassed to cry in front of him 

Ramattra:

he’s an absolute brick wall when it comes to human things

but especially feelings 

he can’t experience the full calibre of emotions that humans do so it’s hard for him to comprehend them 

still, he hates seeing you upset and in pain, so he’ll try almost anything to cheer you up 

he can’t exactly fight your feelings so he settles on a more…pacifist approach 

probably asks Zen what to do lol 

treads very lightly with you and is super careful not to invalidate whatever you’re feeling 

goes for physical comfort before anything 

wraps you up in a blanket and holds you in his lap

he’ll even put his work away and let you cuddle up to him for as long as you need

weird but I feel like he would rock you?? 

just something soothing he’s seen other humans do and figures it might help 

it does

once you feel better he is super flustered about being so vulnerable 

Zenyatta:

as soon as he notices you getting sad and mopey, he’s on it 

brews you a kickass cup of tea and probably makes you some comfort food 

even tho he’s an omnic he’s a surprisingly good cook 

brings you a mug of tea and a steaming plate of momos and settles in bed with you 

even if he can’t feel emotions to the calibre you do, he’s still an empath and hates seeing you like this 

let’s you lay on his lap and relax and talk it out 

probably reads one of your favourite books with you

or if you can’t focus you guys will watch something in bed 

strokes your hair and talks to you in his soothing voice 

will comfort you through whatever you are dealing with 

whether it’s something silly or something serious, your emotions are not something he takes lightly

[poraphia]

"Stupid Student Things"

wilbur x student!reader 410 words ~ 8.17.23 a/n ~ I've noticed a lot of fanfic authors are going to school, especially college. I'd like to kindly raise my hand and say that I am also partaking in such a struggle pff. So here's a little comfort fic I wrote bc the email sorting was just getting so annoying.

Do you love me even when I hate being a grown-up?

“Bullshit,”

I clicked on the mouse, reading through an email.

“more bullshit,”

I clicked on the “unsubscribe” option on the top of the screen.

“Fuck— Even more bullshit!”

It was safe to say that I was exhausted.

I groaned, pushing my feet against the desk before rolling across the hardwood floor. Emails were hard. Being responsible for yourself was hard. Hell, even being far from a warm fresh meal from my own parents was hard. Every muscle in me tensed involuntarily for I was stressed beyond relief.

“Hey, honey, are you okay?”

I looked over my shoulder to see Wilbur, poking his head through the door with a curious look on his face. He was wearing a jumper a little bit too big for him with some sweatpants. Perfect loungewear for when you basically have nothing to do all day. I sighed, turning my chair toward him and outstretching my hands, requesting his grasp. Obediently, he walked toward me before bending down and wrapping his long limbs around my balled-up body.

“What’s going on…” He asked softly, rubbing the back of my neck. The touch of his slender fingers soothe a majority of my nerves.

“I’m just not ready for school again.. Especially when this is all just— so new to me. I don’t understand anything that’s going on.” I vented through quiet mumbles as I buried my head into the crook of his neck. He hummed a bit before picking me up from the chair, placing me on the bed before crawling up right next to me.

I snuggled deeper into his embrace, feeling his warmth engulf me to battle off the cold air conditioning. Gingerly, he ran his fingers through my hair, carefully knotting out the unkempt strands. He smelled of freshly brewed coffee and rain after a storm. I deeply exhaled, letting all my stress go in just one breath.

“You got this, sweetheart, I know it. It’s kind of hard now, but you just need to get the hang of it. I’ve seen you go through the most challenging struggles. You know you’re stronger than you think, right?” He tilted my head just slightly so that I was facing him now. Our knows just barely touching. Slowly, I nod. He smiled, lifting his head a bit to give me a peck on the forehead.

“You’re going to do amazing things in the future, (y/n). Just give it one step at a time.” He whispered.

[byghostface]

//long rambling

There is a vent in the last part (about pro ship:/+ wired shipping + block list) it's naturally negative so reading at your own risk.

So in the new Batman and Robin issue #7 Nika's sister making an appearance, got me thinking of other possibilities for sibling characters to come back.

Mostly I’m thinking about Respawn since he is Joshua Williamson's own character. And He made Respawn appeared in the last issue of Robin(2021), he also brought back Mara in that run too (just some appearance in the later issue).

And now Joshua Williamson is writing Batman and Robin, so naturally he can bring some characters back in this run. He had said in an interview that he might have figured out a way(try) to bring back Maya.

Throwback to 2022 of this old wip/art I made, is about what I think the emo teens of Lazarus squad dynamic would look like.

I imagine Nika and Respaw are irritated/tolerate with each other but would stay for Damian because Nika is Damian's girlfriend and they want to stick together. Meanwhile, Damian likes to include his half-brother in some fun activities (Respawn is acting reluctant bc of his own issues but he actually likes to have friends and feel include).

I haven’t finished this art bc I was going to add more wips (with other characters like Rose and Hawke) to make it a post. I didn't finish this art back then bc I was afraid Talia fans would be mad at me for drawing Respawn.

Trust me, I hate that Talia gets associated with Deathstroke like this, but I think Respawn is a confused/mistreated teen character and Damian (bless his heart and soul) still wants to be his brother regarding the whole mess. I will explain/talk more about my thoughts on Respawn as a character and his situations once I finish these drawings and get ready to post them.

Writing/typing words is harder than drawing for me personally. Drawing is like channeling my energy into a picture and forming an atmosphere and hopefully people will understand what thoughts and feelings I was trying to convey. Writing is using more brain powers to choose the correct and cohesive words, so people would not misunderstand what I'm talking about. Especially when English is not my first language, and even so I normally don't talk(write) much in my mother tongue either…(I'm not a quick thinker, it took me a longer time to think things through, writing literally exhausted me physically and mentally more than drawing.)

It doesn't mean I don't enjoy writing, it's just not my first choice to convey thoughts… but considering I can't draw everything I have in my mind and it takes even longer time to finish any art, I just need to write down things first from now on. Tumblr is the only place I can think of that has this longer text feature blog post and I'm more familiar with this platform format. So I will still be here posting my fan content.

.

(↓Vent, if you want to avoid being block by me then read down below.)

I must say I will forever hate respawn x flatline as ship, cus I know who started this ship and their reasons behind it—Don’t let the new character develop naturally as the story goes, let’s put them in made-up weird situations first so I can prop up my own ship!😍 And get both of the new characters out of the way, since no one would defend them so I can fanon the hell out of them by making them look bad all around!🤞 (What if I stone you first hand🪨🪨💥)

And I will continue to dislike/against any shipping Damian's sibling to Nika. I simply don't like the unnecessary sibling conflict just for romance tropes! So go away boooo I hate you‼️ Not to mention the ignoring of different age range multi-ship hide behind poly… that's straight up proshipping I hate you even more!!👎

Also for people who said Nika should be crush on Damian's mother instead of him… I hate you twisted proshipper rotten smooth brain‼️‼️ She dating a boy her age and has mutual connections with him, why would she crush on her boyfriend's mother instead?? Just because Nika is a big fan of Talia??? So you telling me young ppl can't idolize adults normally without being labeled as romantic nowadays huh??( Not saying you can't crush on adults, but why crush on your boyfriend's mom? ) Your weird ass mind is showing with this ass hc be fr. Again, why would you imagine that? You just wanted to push a fake narrative of Nika being wired so you could have an excuse to make Talia and Damian dislike her (which is not true), but in fact is YOU are the weird one projecting your twist thoughts/hate onto Nika‼️💥🪨🪨

I will start to block ppl who are shipping/liking respawn x flatline (+proshipper) and STILL interact with me, read the room!! My art is not for you weirdos‼️Go away BOOOO💥 🪨🪨🪨💥💥

Can't believe I need to type this all out cuz some of you weirdos will still do these things and think is okay to interact with me and my post/showing in my notifications BOOO👎🪨🪨💥🪳🪳🪳🩴🩴🩴

(sorry for venting about random weirdos/Nika haters again, and thanks for reading.)

[radioactive-earthshine]

Random but, any hcs about Kon and his life in Smallville with the Kents?

I'm just going to make a list and babble :) Here's some HCs including bits with Bart bc they did live only 4 hours away.

1.) Not closeting, not in the way people use the term anyway - it was a necessary time that Kon so desperately needed. He needed a place to be someone OTHER than Superboy because he could no longer function without that off-switch.

2.) Kon always had shown interest in his comics of living a life without the Superboy question and being "normal" but it was very rocky for him so I feel like his early transition with the Kents were likely no different. Ma and Pa likely had to endure his dramatics, mood swings and outbursts of anger as he adjusted to being Conner Kent and living in a space that had consistent RULES. This is not to say he was just suddenly dropped off with strangers, because he wasn't, he knew Ma and Pa beforehand having spent a little time on the farm.

3.) If you guys thought Bart was bad at first, Kon was probably worse as Kon had years of baggage to unpack.

4.) We didn't get to see anything substantial of those early days with him with Ma and Pa but we saw small glimpses of him just not appreciating Smallville and thought it was "boring" and outright claimed to have hated it. It's a big adjustment.

5.) Suddenly coming to the realization that he was SAFE where he was and could just BE without suddenly having a fist in his face was one hell of a day...

6.) Yes we all should mock the cishet jeans and t-shirt look but he really was trying to figure out who he was without Superboy as a factor. I don't think Kon ever really does solidly figure it out as Superboy will always BE a part of him and part of his core identity and it's a balance he needed to try to find out - even if it meant going to one extreme side of the spectrum.

7.) To tie into #6 Kon found out he really does have an All or Nothing personality when living with the Kents.

8.) He's allergic to goat products - boy of steel he may be but even he is not immune to goat intolerance. There is no evidence of this, this is a true HC. He found out because Ma had goat milk and he decided to try it with... bad results.

9.) I am obsessed with Kon in his 2011 solo taking the time to WALK to school instead of flying or running or taking the bus - Smallville really brought him down to Earth even though he already was a child of Earth. It grounded him and put a lot of thinks for him into perspective.

10.) Going back to those early days - he reached out to Bart a lot to vent and ask for advice of how Bart coped with Max. They BOTH went from never having to worry about hiding their secret ID and doing WHATEVER they wanted to suddenly having to worry about preserving their identity and operating in an environment with rules that were the antithesis of what they were used to.

11.) Kon's entire first few months with the Kents were literal immersive therapy and I am furious we did not get to see this - this would have made an incredible comic.

12.) Adhering to comic canon I feel like it was during this deconstruction of who he is he realized he was queer. To the surprise of no one.

13.) His first gift to Ma and Pa was a quilt he made himself - you can take artistic-Kon from my cold dead hands. He made it at school in secret.

14.) Clark was a cryptid in Smallville when he was a teenager and Kon really was no different as his deeds throughout town resurface those old rural myths that began 30-ish years prior.

15.) I ignore any and all parallels that Simon was set up to be Kon's Lex Luthor and instead he becomes his BEST civilian friend. We do however find out that Simon's parents were scientists that helped make Kon - Kon has mixed feeling about this at first but he knows he can't blame Simon.

16.) Even Kon cannot help going back to old shenanigans with Bart and they make crop-circles - well they DID before Clark told them to stop - the killjoy.

17.) Cows make him nervous - look - he knew they existed but he wasn't aware of how BIG they were and he knows he is strong enough to pulverize them into instant bouillon but that still did not prepare him for the fact that they are megafauna that you have no control over.

18.) Kon will always take out a tornado - no he doesn't care if it's a small one - he's not going to sit back and watch someone's house be subjected to damage the tenants may or may not be able to afford. If there are TWO tornadoes at the same time he gets into a contest with Bart over who can neutralize them first.

19.) Going back to his acclimation - there was a lot Kon had to sort of unlearn when he started living with the Kents. Stuff he learned from being with Rex Leech, and during his time at Cadmus under Jim. He finally learned what it was like to be a normal person instead of a parody of what a normal person was.

20.) During October, Kon got really.... really.... into making the BEST corn maze. No, seriously, stupidly competitive. Like, not only did he want it to be complicated but he also for an added flavor made Bart chase people around with a de-bladed chainsaw. People think Kon hired like 7 dudes to do this but it's literally just Bart. He also made sure to decorate it with fake blood, webbing, and busted out fog machines just for an added flavor of spookiness.

[dampsleeves]

life update :3 (a little vent-y)

sooo, been over 200 days since the house caught fire and we had to move. obviously, a lot of stuff's been happening. can't go into deep details for fear of someone I don't want to find this, finding this, but I'll say this much: FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've very rarely mentioned family on here (for obvious reasons - this account is NOT made for that lol) but here goes. tw for pretty heavy topics: mentions of abuse, father issues, health issues, transphobia & financial issues. I turned 18 Feb 21st, literally just almost 2 months before the damn house caught fire. Meanwhile, my brother's still a minor. MEANING, I narrowly escaped the custody battle my mom & dad are in. But unfortunately, he's still stuck in the middle of it. :( My pops was not really the nicest person to me when I was a kid -

whooping my ass whenever I did anything wrong, no matter how minor the offense was.

Telling me that he loved God more than he loved me, because "You're God's gift to me. God is the one who gave you to me in the first place," when I was four.

Telling me that if I didn't start being ok with receiving physical affection from family - which he knew made me uncomfortable - I was "going to grow up to be a S3R1AL K1LL3R" (yes he said that.)

Telling me that "God doesn't make mistakes," and that he "made me into a beautiful young woman for a reason" after I came out to him personally at 14 - big mistake 0/10 stars, would never do again. You get the idea. And those are the tame examples I could think of. So, I finally cut him off. As soon as my mom, brother, & I were in our new place, I blocked his number and haven't talked to him since. I was sick of him not respecting my boundaries, and repeatedly demonstrating that he thought of me as nothing more than a possession. Tired of him making me feel crazy all the time too. But now he's fucking with my mom & brother. Intentionally not paying child support till the last minute possible - & then making it in as small of payments at a time as he possibly can (yes he can afford it btw.) Trying to force my brother to go over to his place, even when my brother does NOT want to - which has begun giving my brother psychological issues & issues with school, mirroring the ones I used to struggle with bc of that bastard. My mom is juggling all sorts of things, & I really at least wanna try to help financially by getting a job, but I can't yet because: she says that I'm only 18, & shouldn't have to get a job to help out (I disagree.) I don't have an ID bc she wants me to wait on my legal name change - which costs a pretty decent chunk of change - reason is bc she "wants me to have as easy an early adulthood life as possible" (love her.) AND, I haven't actually graduated - No, I dipped in 11th bc school was hell (not exaggerating,) & instead just decided to pursue a GED, that I haven't been able to work towards bc of the shit show that is life in midwestern america. So I've been very depressed, exhausted, & hopeless. The least I can do is clean up our house while she's at work, & get this - some days I don't even have the physical energy to do THAT! I do not know what the hell is wrong with my body currently, but it absolutely sucks. & I'm really tired of just taking up space all the time. She's dealing with health issues too, & I'm always worried ab her. Idk what the hell to do, but something's gotta give. Everybody needs a fucking break. I keep trying to shoo away all the dark thoughts, push myself as often as possible, & keep my fingers crossed, but jfc... Sorry just needed to yell into the void for a sec. I'll live, I'm sure - I've survived worse. Sometimes things just suck. But I like to think that someday they won't. :,)

[kzmeru]

you give your love to me this way

─ warning(s) ; mentions of familial problems, insecurities and slight self-deprecation

author’s note ; hai :3 i wrote this as a vent kinda(?) felt silly tbh i swear im okay :> i just need my silly izumi to comfort me until the day i die bc

Sleeping at night had always been difficult, especially while living in a loud household. Your nights were spent burying your face into the pile of pillows, your headphones on max volume, anything to keep the noise out.

For nth time of the week, they were yelling at each other, again. Holding back tears, you stared up at the ceiling, completely unable to do anything to stop your parents from arguing, nor did you even have the energy to.

Silent cried occupied the dark room, before your phone lit up and started to buzz.

"What the hell…" You groaned, wiping your tears away as you grabbed your phone from the bedside table. As you saw the contact name, your eyes eventually lit up.

"Hello? [Name]— are you crying?" Quickly picking up the phone, it was expected that Izumi, no other than your boyfriend would be able to tell that you weren't feeling the best. "Ah… was it not the best time to call?" He sighs, with a hint of worry in his tone.

Wiping your tears with your sleeve, you immediately denied it, laughing nervously as Izumi stayed silent.

"Wait there." Was all he said before he hung up and left you hanging.

The yelling had stopped, but their argument and the words they had said during it was something that you couldn’t forget. Maybe, just maybe, it was all my fault. You thought.

Pulling your legs against your body, you curled up into a ball and sat in silence. "Maybe if I wasn't born, they wouldn't be fighting…" You whispered, tears welling up in your eyes. No, I shouldn’t even exist in the first place.

Knock, knock, knock.

"Izumi?" You deadpanned, opening your window as you saw your lover outside. Your boyfriend, who had climbed up the window like you're in a cliché romance novel.

Izumi huffed, dropping a bag on your bed. "You're crying." He says, his eyes refusing to leave your figure as he examined you. "Stop crying. I don't wanna hear you cry." Despite the harsh comment, the concern in Izumi's tone was still audible.

"What’s in the bag?" You asked, slightly salty about his previous remark. Grabbing the bag and ripping it open, inside was full of snacks, canned drinks and a note. "…" Your lips suddenly curled into a teasing smile.

"Don’t you dare say anything. It was just a coincidence that I was by a store while I was walking over to your house." He grumbled, plopping himself down on your bed and tightly hugged your pillow. "…Feel free to talk. I'll be listening."

[covetedbrother]

most days i’m like “yeah i’m pretty over my ‘sam is me i’m him we are the same and he’s also my bbg my son and my dad’ phase” and then i see one (1) bad take about him and i genuinely get murderous and i’m like “ah. nevermind”

what the fuck has he ever done????

(insane samgirl ramblings under the cut bc i’m losing my fucking mind)

if you’re mad at sam for starting the apocalypse: you’re telling me that if you were dealing with the effects of dying, watching your brother die, addiction, and actively being manipulated by your DEALER and also genuinely operating under the belief that that killing a demon would be a good thing, that you wouldn’t have killed that demon?

this bothers me especially bc sam broke seal 66. because he thought it would prevent the apocalypse. dean broke the first seal. because he tortured ppl in hell!!!!!

leaving for college: imagine getting mad at an 18 year old for leaving to go to stanford on a full ride scholarship. he did that in a “household” where he never lived in the same place for more than 6 months. ever. and his only family members thought it was emasculating to do well in school.

“choosing ruby over dean”: hey. hey. look at me. imagine the person you love most in the world. that you have a toxic codependent relationship with to the point of literally getting murderous if you are separated by more than a room without your choice. you’ve known each other for forever. you’ve killed for him. he’s your brother. you have spent a full year trying to figure out how to save his life. now imagine watching him die knowing he did it to save you. and you can’t get him back. now you are actively suicidal and someone comes along and acts almost just like him and offers you this thing that gives you the power to kill the things that killed him. this person says that you have the power to stop a horrible thing from happening. you believe her. and then your brother comes back from the dead and he’s. different. he doesn’t trust you anymore. and the person who gave you power tells you that it’s because he’s being lied to and manipulated to start the tragedy you are bent on preventing. so you’re hurt and scared and trying to save the world so, just this once, you choose to work with someone other than him.

the shit that happened in s8: again. same scenario as above but now you’ve both killed and died for each other multiple times. you’ve endured over centuries of torture by the devil himself and have just started recovering from the hallucinations that you had of the literal devil torturing you and telling you that you can never feel happy bc this is just another way of torturing you. making you feel happy for a moment only to bring you back and hurt you. then your brother disappears into a pile of black goo in front of you. you have no idea how or why. you do months of research and come up with exactly nothing. life without him isn’t worth living. you’re about to drive your car off a bridge. the car you grew up with him in, the one you both engraved your initials into when you were 8 and 10. with the legos shoved into the vents that you’ve never been able to take out. you’re not paying attention so you hit a dog. shit. he doesn’t deserve to die. not like you. you take him to the vet. his medical bills need to be covered by someone. it can only be you. the vet there treats you like you deserve to live, to be loved. you fall for her. you move in together and adopt the dog you hit. maybe,,,, just maybe,,, you can be happy.

and then your brother comes back. and he’s best friends with a vampire… the vampire’s name sounds like yours.

and your brother is mad at you. then your girlfriend discovers the husband she thought was dead is alive. your brother wanted you to break up with her anyways. you’d do anything for him. always. he doesn’t forgive you. it’s what you deserve.

you take on the trials of hell to try and do something right. it’s actively killing you. every day you wake up and cough lungfuls of blood into the sink. it’s fine. these trials will probably kill you, but it’ll be ok. you’re finally doing something right. the final trial requires you to confess your greatest sins in a church. you spend hours there, and the biggest sin you confess is disobeying your brother. you confess the times you’ve let him down. you’re clean now. you’re ready to die, ready to stop any demon from ever coming to earth again. and your brother calls you an idiot and stops you because he doesn’t want to watch you die. but by now, your body is going to die with or without completing the trials. your brother coerces you into being possessed without your knowledge for a year in order to keep you alive. the thing possessing you kills your friend. your brother blames you for it. it’s fine. he cares. you know he does. he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t care.

it never. ends. THERE ARE FIFTEEN FUCKING SEASONS OF THIS SHIT

ARE YOU MAD AT HIM FOR TRYING TO GET DEAN TO NOT BE AN ALCOHOLIC? TO EAT BETTER?

MAYBE YOU’RE MAD AT HIM FOR THINKING THAT THE PERSON WHO MADE FUN OF YOU FOR DOING WELL IN SCHOOL WOULDNT KNOW WHO VONNEGUT IS?

FOR NOT FALLING TO HIS KNEES AND WORSHIPPING DEAN EVERY TIME HE ENTERS THE ROOM?

are you mad at him for forgiving his father?

maybe you’re mad because dean had bad things happen to him that didn’t happen to sam.

are you mad at the man who got into stanford on a full ride scholarship and was about to get into law school before he dropped out for thinking of himself as smart?

i think they’re mad at him bc he’s not a perfect brother who gives into dean’s codependent tendencies 100% of the time. dean has a codependent personality, and sam has a rebellious streak of independence a mile wide. his rebellion just looked like choosing school over hunting, or studying over weapon training, or reading over sparring. not that he didn’t also do those things, he just also did other things.

[ca-kie]

it’s summer ✿ steve harrington

❀  [1.8k] best friend!steve harrington x fem!reader ✎.ೃ࿐ ˖♡ Every summer is hell. Both physically, and mentally. It's hot, and you still can't help but stay in your room all day. Right now, it's late, really late, and you're having another night-time descent to depression. You need someone with you, so who's best to call but your best friend? Wait- no- sorry! Nevermind... ╰┈➤ angst (also hurt/comfort?), fluff, implied suicidal ideation (if you've been thru it, you'll see it), descriptions of an anxiety attack, symptoms of depression, best friends to lovers !! , reader is implied to be shorter than steve and can wear his sweaters (doesnt say how it fits them tho!)

a/n: HI so this is actually my first fic uhmmmm!! i've based this fic a little on my own experiences with staying up late bc of anxiety, depression, all that jazz—and if at any point you feel triggered, its completely okay to click off! if i've missed any warnings pls dont hesitate to comment! same goes for things i could improve on! ALSO!! GUYS REBLOGGING HELPS A TON!! IT GETS WRITERS MORE REACH N STUFF!!! 

a/n 2: i edited a bit lol

also! you do not have permission to translate/post this onto other websites, tumblr is my only posting site as of now, and i will inform yall if i ever decide to add another. 

It should be playful splashes of water, and half-melted popsicles to beat the heat. Water balloon fight filled days, and picnics in the park. Stargazing in the cool of the night, and tired heads resting on shoulders. Where sweets and junk food replace heavy textbooks and tossed aside essays. 

Yet, it’s 4 seconds in, and 4 seconds out. It’s, “5 things you can see, 4 you can touch…” It’s sleepless nights filled with loneliness and anxiety. It’s dried-out tears on your cheeks as you stare at the dark of your wall. You can’t close your eyes without the intrusion of no-good-thoughts. You can’t keep them open without feeling like your lungs are closing in on themselves. You’re too scared to sleep, dreading having to battle through another, repetitive and emotionally-exhausting day. You just want it to stop.

‘Splash some water on your face to ground yourself’ your mom had told you. But as soon as you open your eyes, patting away leftover droplets, your gaze drifts over to the bathtub. A bucket of water, filled to the brim. You’re tired, everything is too much and you just need a break. The cold prickles against your fingertips, gliding smoothly as you draw patterns. Plugging your nose, you dip your head in; coming back up with a sense of refreshed-ness. Albeit, short-lived, but refreshing none-the-less. You find yourself chasing that feeling.

A soft stream of water…

Plop

Plip

Plop

Plip

You gasp, running to turn off the sink faucet. The stopper had somehow broken, and plugged up the sink. Fortunately, only a small puddle had formed during your reverie. God, you’d be dead meat if your mom found out you’d accidentally flooded the bathroom at 2am. After getting a rug to clean up your mess, you take a look at the mirror. Your swollen eyes had calmed down after being soaked with ice-cold water. You had as well.

Not ready to go back to the dark confines of your bedroom, you sat down on the closed toilet seat. Only now, do you realize what you were thinking about whilst zoned out. And, god, did it scare you. Your breathing got more ragged, shallow, and all your senses were heightened. You were home alone. 

Alone.

Again.

The vent was getting too loud, and the lights too bright. The bathroom mat beneath you more spiky than soft. Knives were running through your heart. Tears were threatening to fall, and you wanted to crawl out of your skin. Everything was getting so uncomfortable. You just wanted to shed like a snake and float away into the night; carried by the wind to faraway places. You needed something to ground you. Tell you that you’re okay. And by instinct, your feet led you to the kitchen phone. Dialing the oh-so-familiar digits that you knew by heart. You fidgeted with the phone cord, focusing on the swirly loops going through your fingers.

Doooot, doooot.

Doooot, doooot.

Click

A faint ruffle, then a sleep-dowsed voice spoke, “Hello…?”

You waited a few seconds to respond, processing the fact that Steve actually answered. You didn’t expect anyone to pick up at this time. Especially not him. A small whisper followed, meek and lined with unspoken apologies, “Hi.” “Y/n? Shit- Are… are you okay?” Steve could hear the sadness in your voice, the emptiness and longing for comfort. His heart broke a little at the thought of you going through this again. He knows about the many sleepless nights you go through, mind racing with terrible thoughts, “Wait, I- no- That was a stupid question, do you-” You panicked. Feeling bothersome because you had awoken Steve from his slumber; guilty knowing how much he needs it. “Uhm- I… Can you…” A deep breath in, “nevermind, I’m-sorry-I-woke-you-up-bye.” You spurt out quickly, putting the phone back without waiting for an answer and running back up the stairs. 

Back to your blanket pile of pathetic-ness. Because that’s what you are, right? Just a pile of pathetic-ness who always bothers those around them with their problems.

He probably hates you now. Called him up at 3am for nothing? You’re so needy. He can probably tell that you’re fucking obsessed with him. Your friendship will probably go downhill from here. And that's all your fault.             You stuffed your face into your pillow. Just wanting the night to end. The ticking from your clock is the only thing that can be heard, besides your breathing and the occasional night breeze. You sigh, and focus on the ticking sound to push any negative thoughts away. Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Tick.

Tock.

Ti– Plink!

… Plink!

Plink! You sprang up from your bed. That isn’t your clock ticking anymore. And it’s coming from the window. Cautiously, you grab the closest solid object near you, ready to chuck at whatever’s outside the glass. You swish your curtains aside and… Steve? Your brows furrow as you take him in; clad in plaid pajama pants and a gray pullover, backpack in his hand, pebbles in the other. He sighs in relief when your figure appears in the window. As soon as you hung up on him, he sprinted to his car, grabbing a few things along the way. He knew you were having another bad night, and it stung his heart—of which you hold—remembering how quiet and shaky your voice sounded. He yells as loud as he can at 3am, “Y/n! Can I come up?” Shock and confusion makes up your expression, blinking a few times before nodding and opening your window. Steve being Steve, he climbs up with ease, kicking off his shoes before engulfing you in a big, bear hug. Your face trembles, your emotions coming back to you all at once. He pulls back, grabbing his backpack and bringing out his maroon sweater to put on you. Oh, that sweater.

He knows how much you love it, despite actively denying it. Steve pulls you back into him, your head buried in his shoulder and you cry, “Shh, sweetheart. Let it all out, you’re not alone anymore… I’m here,” he mumbles into your hair, stroking your head comfortingly. His overwhelming affection made you cry even more, which made him hug you tighter.

A few minutes pass, and you’ve moved to your bed. Steve tidied your room up, taking dirty dishes downstairs, and swiftly coming back up with a glass of water, “Drink.” 

           When you’re done he places it on your bedside table, and cups your face in his hands, analyzing it, “What’s wrong? Or are you not ready to talk about it? I mean, that’s totally okay, we can just lay in bed or whatever.” You give him an appreciative, tight-lipped smile, and gesture to him to lay beside you. Your voice comes out a bit raspy as you thank him, “Steve… I don’t know how to explain to you how grateful I am for you to be such an amazing…” Sniff, “friend… Uhm– I don’t know what I’d do without you, honest.”

Steve smiles, and pulls you in for another hug; your head on his chest. He hopes you can’t hear how fast his heart is beating, and you hope he can’t feel yours, “‘Course poppet. Anything for you.” Your heart skips a beat at the innocent confession, he meant that in a platonic way—and you’re just emotionally vulnerable, right now… Right…? You push your feelings aside, which are probably deceiving you. You look up at him, but he’s already looking at you. You think you can see blush rise to his cheeks as he looks away embarrassed, you tease, “Like the view, Harrington?” Unconsciously, he squirms under your gaze and rolls his eyes, “Aren’t you supposed to be, like, sad right now?” Playfully, you sit up with a ‘humph’, and turn away. You steal the whole blanket from him, “Okay,” before inhaling and letting out a cry reminiscent of a toddler’s. “Literally shut up.” Steve laughed, grabbing you by your waist and tickling you. You jump from his touch, but he pulls you back just as fast. His fingers press harder, and it makes you laugh even louder. Giggles and snickers turned your once sorrowful room into a place of pure joy. No longer was it filled with a sense of loneliness, but a fuller, happier feeling of love. Silly, teenage love. 

As you both calm down, you feel warmth rise to your cheeks. Steve is redder than a tomato below you, at that you let out a small giggle. “What?” he asks, “Shit– my hair’s messed up isn’t it?” But that makes you laugh even more, which makes him laugh even more. You collapse into his chest, tired from all the emotions you’ve gone through tonight. 

A beat or two passes, the both of you enjoying each other’s presence in silence. It was never awkward when things died down after some banter. Your eyes grow heavy, and you nuzzle closer to Steve’s neck. Leaving soft butterfly kisses that have him growing warmer underneath you, “Thank you Steve. M’grateful to have someone like you…” You brush your lips against his skin; too short to be considered an actual kiss, but lingers long enough to cross the platonic-romantic border. As you fall into your body’s pleas for slumber, a confession of romance tumbles out. Quick, and casual; as if it's said on the regular, which it isn’t. At that, you both freeze. Steve processes your words in his head, “You… what?” You’re quick to put up your defenses, not willing to be hurt again tonight by your own, reckless actions, “Okay, I– Uhm-well-I… I meant that platonically…?” your voice goes up at the end, making you cringe internally at how fake that sounded, “Shit– sorry, it’s just that-”

Quick to interrupt, a confession of his own slips out, “I-love-you-too.” And Steve can see the wave of relief immediately sweeping away your tensed shoulders. You smile up at him, and kiss the corner of his mouth. As much as he tries to fight it, a huge smile appears on his face. Full of genuine elation and adoration. Steve pulls you closer, boops your nose with his, and pecks your lips.

Pulling away, he tsks, “Don’ be a coward, poppet.” Which is immediately met with a punch to his arm, and a peck back.

You throw your arm over his chest, and he pulls the blanket up. Signs of day tickle the sky; indigo, berry blues, a touch of vermillion, finished with a faint sprinkle of stars. Your clock reads 4 AM, but you don’t care. You aren’t going to wake up alone. And you certainly won’t be getting through each day by yourself.

Gone are the constant grounding exercises, and puffy, red eyes; sleepless nights, and negative self-lies. They’re replaced with love-filled hugs, and endless tickles. Feeling loved on bad days, and tissue-caught sniffles. It’s late diner dates, and shared milkshakes. Subtle gazes, and trips to the lake.

It’s finally summer.

❀  

© revised 2023 fikafika

[ruthlesslistener]

Oohhh I get it now. But tbh if I'm going to be honest, at least proshippers hide their stuff away in their respective dark areas/behind safe walls and even tag and warn people about the dark content they make. Antis dont, they just invade places and engage in the said dark content just to get mad at it. At least from my own experiences from them. Idk I just see most proshippers as responsible in managing what they make, while antis don't. I actually got a taste of dark content from antis myself as a kid, in a lot of callouts made by antis lololol. And not because the proshipper were demanding their content be known. Its been like that even now actually, where dark content gets shoved in people's faces purely because an anti is trying to act like a hero. Though this is just my experience with them.

Another thing if you wouldn't mind, is that while it's true that dark content can lead to a lot of things in real life. I personally see that it has to be allowed to exist, because dark content shows the dark realities of life and that we shouldn't just leave it/ignore it. I seen victims of abuse for example, who had their experiences validated from reading dark content/about their abuse in stories. Or like the fact that a certain famous entertainment company doesnt want to show blood in their content because of "violence" in shows where kids and adults are watching, where some have pointed out that not showing even a small proportions of what violence can do (blood) will lead to a very naive understanding of the consequences of violence. Shocking because this is a western company, and the TV show in question involves guns and... you get the idea. Don't get me started on censorship and how that can get out of hand so easily.

I don't think I'm explaining this well but yeh. Dark content is needed and should be allowed to exist in my personal views, but should still be allowed to exist behind close doors and away from people who don't want to see it. You can delete this ask if it makes you uncomfortable, I'm just trying to put my two cents into this convo. But yeh, I prefer to live in a world where dark content exists and not one where its nothing but "wholesome" and "pure".

.

[Tone: calm and neutral]

Oh no yeah I agree with you 100%, this is my exact stance on things and is a mirror to most of my experiences- hell, I like exclusively dark content and part of the reason for that is bc I came from a psychologically/emotionally (and sometimes physically) where 'we're all just a big happy family and you're ruining it you little freak' was a big problem. Stuff that's just pure and wholesome actually makes me feel uneasy and on edge all the time because I always feel like the other shoe is about to drop, while horror is comforting because I can read the situation and know what's happening. Part of the issue in my household also stems from the fact that my dad has an issue with differentiating fiction and reality (he suffers from untreated ocd and paranoia and a whole slew of other issues), and he used to blame the stuff I was reading for making me 'disrespectful' and 'cold' whenever I dared to have a negative emotion- hence me just seeking out more and more fucked up shit so that I could vent my anger without getting cussed out (though it also was bc I wasn't allowed to watch anything over a G rating til I was fucking. 16.). Without going into more detail, he used extremely similar tactics to antis and that's why I have such a strongly negative response to them, discounting all of the times where I had nasty run-ins with them. I very much hate all of them and it is because I had to deal with people like them my whole life. It wasn't fun.

I have very few actual squicks, and if I'm in a curious mood I'll also read stuff even if it disgusts me- and hell, sometimes their are exceptions. Captive Prince is a series I'm very fond of full of rape, csa, incest, and psychological abuse, but the reason why I love it despite the content is because it is a very compelling story about how horrible all that abuse is and how deeply fucked up it can make a person, as well as how awful the victim can seem when your pov is being manipulated by the abuser. The problem I have isn't content-based as much as it is the people, and, to the lesser extent, the tone of some of what they make.

See, what soured me on proshippers aren't people who are quietly making darker content and posting/tagging it properly (those are just normal writers and artists imo), I'm talking those who proudly proclaim themselves as proship, aka the vocal few balls deep in The Discourse who make it their whole personality trait. They're mostly centered to Twitter rather than Tumblr nowadays, but the problem with said vocal minority is that they are. Well. Extremely fucking annoying, entitled, tone-deaf, and just overall awful people. Almost everyone who proudly flaunts that they're proship is so balls-deep in the discourse that they feel personally victimized by anyone who shows any negative reaction to the gross shit they're into bc that automatically means they're a puritan, when sometimes it really is just an expression of disgust. Twitter proshippers are a whole different breed than Tumblr ones after the porn ban, but unfortunatly I keep getting their arguments shown to me when I'm on the site scrolling for furry porn and its...bad. It's real fucking bad. Not as bad as antis half the time but certainly not much better in how they treat people and their personal boundaries.

It's also the people who will take content that's pretty fucked up and spins it through a fandom lens that also gets me, though most of the time I just block and move on with a bad taste in my mouth instead of getting actually angry. And by 'fandom lens', I mean people who will take a rape/abuse/etc situation and then go 'oh but what if they're a couple with only a few pokes at the fucked up elements in canon. Ex, some (admittedly few, but they exist) people ship Mohg and Miquella as a reciprocal pairing despite it being a kidnapping and nonconsensual body modification incest-for-power situation, and that just...it feels so wrong. It's just so shallow and such a bad take read on a complex situation that I cannot stand it, it makes me want to run the opposite way. I have zero authority to force people to not do things ofc, I'm not a fucking cop, but those people give me the vibe of someone who'd not help you out with an abusive partner because 'oh but his posessiveness and controlling nature is just so cute, and he clearly loves you so its okay!' and that rings the alarm bells of someone that I do NOT want to be around even if it logically means nothing.

Does that make sense? It's a convoluted mess, but I hope I made it more clear that it's not so much the content that bothers me as much as it is the people and how they use it.

[lyriumlullaby-ao3]

hey buds, i’ve seen some folks saying they’re tired of talking about The Poll and are gonna do some unfollowing for a bit until it blows over, and i’m gonna do the same. pls don’t be offended if i unfollow you rn, i’ll likely follow a lot of ppl back again once ppl quit talking about it, esp if we’re currently mutuals.

it’s just that this is supposed to be a place for me to come to find things i like and not a bunch of stressful discourse, especially because this super doesn’t matter?? i’ve seen ppl on both sides being rude as hell and that’s not okay. everybody can see this character differently and disagree about these things and yeah, that can be upsetting, but i never meant for my little vent post to get so out of control that now there are NEW vent posts being made to address mine. like i simply don’t care that much, EXCEPT that i care about staying away from the discourse, bc it gets nasty SO fast. i’ve been around a while, and i’m not doing that anymore. i have an opinion and i made a post that SORT of expressed it, and others took it and added to it in ways i didn’t always agree with, and now i’m feeling a bit targeted by some of these posts despite not really having said anything beyond making a point about Varric. so i’m just gonna disengage. this entire fight is silly and i don’t need the negativity it’s bringing out of ppl on both sides of things. like i feel ridiculous even having to explain myself about all this.

so let it just be said, i don’t support anyone being vicious or rude or dismissive to anyone else over this, or vaguing, or bashing other characters to make a point, or anything else. i’m out.

[davepetea]

((just ranting abt writing fanfics you can ignore me lmao. I'm just in a weird place atm but I'm feeling kinda passionate abt writing rn so I'm gonna vent

originally I wrote a lil of this in the tags but then decided to just chuck it under a readmore so people aren't subjected to it against their will. then it got really long.

I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this im just sorta venting to myself. it helps me get my thoughts sorted if I write them down. I can also look back through my #.vat file tag in a few years from now and hopefully be like "wow I'm doing so much better than THAT now", so if that's the case, hi future Vatta! I hope you're having a good day. and if you're not future me, then I still hope you're having a good day, I love you, and this is your chance to turn back bc my rants are boring and LONG

(not turning back yet? ok. your funeral)

so, I haven't been online much bc I've just been in a weird limbo lately and I'm really busy when I'm at home either sorting stuff out or, with my PDA, doing anything I can to avoid my responsibilities lmao

I've been rereading my Tokyo ghoul light novels (I only have Void and Days ? I think they're called), rewatching Zankyou no Terror, and Bungou Stray Dogs (plus the live action Beast film which was? hilarious but I don't think it was supposed to be), and just suffering lmao

(you're still here? wow. you need a hobby. jk. ily)

I've been locked out of the systems at work for a bit, but I still need to be there and wait for the IT ticket to be sorted, so I've gotta be at my desk, cant have my phone or anything, so instead of sitting there doing nothing, I've either been reading, doing codeword puzzles, or I've been writing up 'drafts' for potential fanfics.

in this year of our sufferer 2024. I've been writing up some self indulgent homestuck college AU lmao. I've written over 60 sides of a5, (not inc the inbetween sections where I wrote some stuff on the chromebook at home) some notes, some accidental first draft, bc I wanted something to take up the time. but my handwriting is terrible, I don't write fast enough for my brain, I have a lil dyslexia so the letters and words get jumbled sometimes, and I have this weird thing where I don't do spaces right. but I've been trying to upload it to Google docs with Bixby's photo text extraction. it's pretty good considering how bad my writing is, then I just need to go through and touch it up, the main issues are things like names, there's some letters I do weird like my v turns into an r, or every p it thinks is a capital, but overall. amazing how technology do that.

(see my long ass rambling isn't just confined to venting. I also pretend to write actual things. you can still leave you know. I'm not holding you hostage until you read all this. you have free will)

can't remember how I ended up back in fanfic hell but I read back through like all my old published fics (aside from the cringe ones I orphaned) and the writing isn't terrible. I don't think I actually finished any of them though, which really shows my true nature lmao,,, but I've picked up a few things on my writing style now. and I've got a few things I see other people do that I wanna avoid bc I personally don't like it, and it's mostly about balance, like using names too often/not enough, being too descriptive like All The Time and making the writing really nice, but not much happens in the story so you take like an hour to read each scene, vs not enough description so everything is happening but you don't really get a visual or a breather to appreciate what's happened so far. I've been working on finding my right balance, which is imo easier if you're writing fanfic bc first up you hardly ever have to describe the characters. if someone's reading it they already know who they are. and for scenes you can take some inspo from the source material. does the original work put alot of effort into setting a cool scene? if not, then you don't have to either! if it's 90% scenery then you've gotta do it too I don't make the rules

I'm losing steam now I'm so sleepy and I've gotta go to work in a bit ugh.

(bet you're sleepy reading this too huh. told you it'd be boring)

I've been thinking about trying out writing some BSD fics but on an anonym not linked to my main Ao3, bc the themes are doozys and I kinda just wanna have the freedom of anonymity. also I'm a baby and if someone publicly criticises my stuff without it being a requested critique then it makes me bleh (I've had a few comments in the past of just general negatives, not even constructive feedback, not that I asked for any anyway...), but the abilities are tricky to write for, so it's effort lol

anyway I'm gonna stop now ive gotta get ready for work

(if you actually read this then thanks for going on this emotion deep dive with me. tune in next week when we'll get back to my usual mental breakdown)

[milchig-de]

Vent

Pairing: Character & Reader

Summary: You talk about your problems. Not relationship related.

Warnings: This is basically just vent writing. Very depression, existential dread

Notes: i imagined scaramouche as the character but you can put whoever you want there. ill tag it as scaramouche x reader bc of that but really it doesnt matter. its one am, im tired and sad. please dont be mean to me

_______________

You sit on a chair, a beverage in front of you. It is a warm day, although not warm enough to be unpleasant. Lifting the cup to your lips, you take a sip. You are unable to discern what you are drinking. You put your cup down again.

Someone approaches you. They sit down in front of you. You greet them and they greet back.

Silence.

What are you waiting for? Start a conversation.

"So... nice weather we have?"

The person across you doesn't respond. The look in their eyes tells you something is wrong. They seem to doubt you, ask you if that is really what you wanted to say. They ask if you truly do not have other questions to pose.

You unnecessarily clear your throat.

Another silence.

This person isn't here to make small talk. Think of a meaningful question.

...

Or don't.

Truly, if you have nothing important to say, why are you here?

"When do I ever have something important to say? My life bears little meaning in the greater scheme of things."

The person still sitting across from you answers.

"Perhaps that is so."

"Then... why should I say anything?"

"You can sit in silence. But isn't that boring?"

"That's precisely why I always say nonsense. It's better than bearing this agonizing silence."

They do not respond.

Speak from your heart.

"Sometimes I wonder... If none of what I say is of importance, what even is the substance of me? In other's eyes I am defined by what I do and say. So am I not essentially unimportant?"

"Do you consider yourself unimportant?"

"..."

"I guess I do. I don't particularly care about myself. I barely feel as though I even have a presence. I perceive and interact with the world I am in, but I do not take the time to truly spend time with myself."

"What does it leave you with?"

"A certain sense of... emptiness."

"What do you do about it? Do you just let it fester inside you like a some species of mold? Like some parasite?"

"I usually fill it with things that aren't real. Hell, I'm doing that right now. You aren't real, this place isn't even a place and this beverage isn't anything."

You point at your unidentifiable surroundings to stress your point.

"But when does it end? When do you lose your touch with reality? When does your true self begin? Do you even have one? Or has your entire existence been based on things that aren't there? On things so terribly out of reach that it's fucking pathetic you're still trying?"

...

"I know I'm weird. And I know this weirdness makes me unloveable. I don't know what to do about it. Everything I do only makes my life worse. Every day I wake up alive, I see no possible improvement. No one will come around to help me. That isn't how it works. I need to be proactive, but do I even deserve any help? I haven't done anything of importance and all I will ever reach is mediocrity. What's the point in trying if I will only come so far? "

...

"Maybe there is no point."

Both of you look to the scenery. It's quite beautiful. Perhaps it, too, is undeserving. But at least it is there. Even if the point is truly gone, you will still be here, for better or for worse.

"For worse, I'm sure."

Regardless of it all;

Tomorrow is another day.