#i just rewatched the always sunny one that's a classic

[weedle-testaburger]

tbh I'm open to suggestions for christmas specials to watch

[sunnykeysmash]

the structure, the "explosion", change and authenticity: a dissection of season 15

As usual I'm prefacing this post by saying these are my personal ramblings about always sunny meta so if you don't like to see that, then please move along.

When season 15 ended, I didn't end up analyzing it because my fixation had ended as well, so that's what I wanna do here, but in order to do that I have to touch on some themes that were heavily relevant in previous seasons but especially season 14.

I also want to properly explain why I've been calling season 14 "the last classic season of sunny", and why I think of season 15 as "a transitional season".

It seems weird, but I wanna start by talking about the season 13 episode, The Gang Escapes.

I've done a quick rewatch of s14 and 15 and the more I did that, the more I started to see Escapes like the predecessor for a lot of it.

So, in it, the gang is playing a game of escape rooms. They are trapped inside of Mac and Dennis' apartment, with only Dee knowing how to get out having done it before. Despite this, she is locked out, and is unable to help them. The boys separate and wrestle for a pair of heartshaped lock and key, and in the end, when they finally settle on how to open it, they discover that inside it says "And so the game begins".

The lock contains a ton of instructions on what to do next, but the gang quickly realizes they have run out of time and are unable to do them all, only for Dee to take the fall allowing them to win albeit in an unconventional way.

This episode reads to me like a cautionary tale on the fate of sunny.

Spending so much time on deciding how to do something or whether they should at all, that when they finally do it, they don't have the time to properly explore the choices they've made. As an example, this comes back with the concept of the seeds. In general, this is always touched upon whenever "imminent death" is explored, because it doesn't allow them more time to continue. This is often paired with a need to "go crazy/explode" by the end.

As a result, feeling constrained inside something and needing to get out before it's too late.

I'll elaborate more on all of this as we walk through s14/15, all the ways in which these themes come back, but for now I want to say that to me, this is likely how RCG has felt writing sunny sometimes: feeling too constrained/boxed inside the way they have always written it, that didn't allow them to branch out and explore the stuff they really wanted to "until the end", which in a way made them feel like sunny itself was the problem and made them consider ending it (aka cutting the head because the hair is a lie) to explore the stuff that interested them, rather than just... doing it while they have time, and being more loose with writing it in general (like how Gus said, the bible is a guidepost, interpretations can change over time).

As such, Escapes is an incomplete view on the situation, a negative one, it shows us what would happen if nothing gave in. Which isn't what happened in the end, but it's still important to keep in mind to read the rest of it.

This is, to me, why they even asked for four seasons in the first place. To have the time to properly explore all the things they wanted to touch on, with their new plan.

I'm gonna try to dissect every episode singularly (the ones I think are relevant anyway) and point out the connection in themes and what I think it all means. I tried to stay brief, believe me.

All in all, some of the themes I've found are as follows: the structure, death/catastrophe, running out of time/losing something (even disappointing an audience), change, and choices. They all apply to writing sunny.

Season 14

This season brings back a lot of stuff from past sunny. It seems s16 will do the same, but back when s14 was just airing, I remember this felt odd to me. Chokes is a direct continuation of dines out (with it being charlie and frank's anniversary dinner) and also calls back to mac's mom burns her house down and dennis system (with the whole poisoning someone so they can depend on you and nursing them back to health etc), poppins comes back, jackie denardo comes back (storm of the century, which also references bryan o' bryen), thundergun comes back, dee day (which is a continuation to mac day), global warming references Spies like US (the fish factory dudes), the waiter comes back... and so on. It felt like they were honoring the past.

But the reason why I consider it the last season of classic sunny, is because it's the one before change strikes. Many episodes seem to place us in front of an inescapable choice that leads to disaster. Some don't even offer a choice, just speak of imminent death.

The Gang Gets Romantic

Breaking this episode down, it's important because it introduces the whole concept of the "structure". A guideline, if you will, that the characters can either follow or stray away from. Throughout the two seasons we will see it redefined constantly, so it's important to understand what it is.

We are given two mirroring plotlines making use of this (romcom) structure. Frank and Charlie follow it pretty closely, and in the end they are rewarded with a romcom-y ending. Mac and Dennis stray from it, because they don't realize that the tropes are applying to the two of them, and in the end, their plans fail. This is actually counter to most other examples of structure that will be written later, and it shows us something important, which is that the structure can work if applied correctly and when appropriate.

So is the structure good or bad? Should it be followed? And what is it?

To me, the structure is a guide. It can aid you find what works on average, but it shouldn't lock you in. Exactly like structure in writing.

But it doesn't matter how you call it: the structure, the algorithm, god's plan, the bible, the base, the four walls encasing you, tradition; it's about something that gives you a foundation, but that you can branch out of, if needed. If your feelings tell you you should.

Multiple episodes will come to grips with this concept. Trying to run from it entirely, or embrace it to the point of almost doing things they don't want.

This is RCG's own struggle with understanding how to write sunny, and what sunny even is, hence why the main theme of season 15 is identity. How much can you stray from your core structure and still be yourself? How much before you don't even like where you're going? What defines you?

And in fact, a crucial theme in TGGR is falling back in love with something.

Pushing it away at first because you think you can get better than that or because you're bored of it, only in its absence to realize that it was already the perfect match. This is the charlie+frank/alexi+nikki plot (we'll be back in one year... covid aside, this is about the show returning and not ending), but it reflects season 15 in general (when you love someone, you can't bear to leave them behind).

Finally, "you think they're gonna give us a bad review?", hinting at the fear of how others will react.

Thundergun 4: Maximum Cool

The gang is selected to judge the sequel of a franchise they are big fans of. However, upon discovering the many changes applied to it (they're rebooting the franchise), they are disappointed and angered. In the end, Dee comes up with the plan that forces the franchise to go back to its roots, and the gang still doesn't support it.

So, how does this fit into our themes?

We have a franchise that has changed to the point of upsetting its fans.

We also have Dee once again being the key role in the story by coming up with the successful plan.

We have talk of a powerful formula that could destroy millions of lives in the wrong hands.

We have change seen as scary and upsetting, and we have talk of "rebooting the franchise".

Most importantly:

"Sometimes, in order to save something, you have to destroy something. And I think I know what we have to do to save Thunder Gun."

"Destroy it?"

This will plateau with Big Mo with its fake ending, but it speaks to the larger theme of considering ending sunny to get to the stuff they want to explore, only to realize they can explore it better if they start now and give themselves more time and just stay looser with the structure.

This is a talk they actually had with Larry David (who will be referenced as Larry Takashi later, creator of Fun Zone laser tag).

"McElhenney continued, “He (Larry David) said, ‘Don’t be an idiot. Never stop. Just keep doing it. One, because it’s the greatest job you could ever want and two, because if you do a final episode they’ll just destroy you for it.’”"

Around the same time, another article came out where Glenn mentioned wanting to follow Curb Your Enthusiasm's model.

"So with all these other projects, like last year, I'm sure you've talked now and again about ending the show for good." G: "We talked about it. At a certain point, we might look at this and go “Yeah, we did it and it's time to move on,” and all that kind of stuff. But I think at the same time the way I see it, we're more like a band than a show now, where we all go off into our side projects, but like, this is the band, and if we feel like putting out another album, we'll put out another album. At this point, it doesn't really make sense to end the show in any official capacity. It's possible that moving forward we move to sort of like a Curb Your Enthusiasm model if we can get away with it. Larry David actually pulled Rob aside at some kind of a function and told him "One piece of advice I'll give you guys: Don't ever end the show. Just don't end it!” I think he figured that out after Seinfeld. I think he was really burned out. But with Curb he knows he might want to come back to it years down the line."

Keep in mind, when these two articles came out, season 15 had not even been written yet. Despite this, me and others started speculating that A. the seasons would return whenever instead of each year; B. each season would follow a story arc.

Seasons got shorter (and point A may still happen), and season 15 ended up following a story arc.

Finally, Dennis once again places us in front of a choice by saying "give me dong, or give me death", implying those are the only two options the franchise has.

Dee Day

There is a choice that has to be made by vote, and the gang is trying to sway the results. In the end Dee hatches a successful plan that just so happens to have the same outcome wanted by the gang in the first place.

We start with them stretching (irony not lost on me 😭) to stay loose because they're preparing for the plan.

"Can we just start?"

"No, we can't just start, okay? Preparation is the key to victory."

Reminds me of Chokes:

"Yeah, but can we just, like, play already?"

"No, we can't just play, Charlie. We can't just play."

"Are you insane?! We can't just play!"

Again getting lost on the how, on preparation, instead of starting. Arguing instead of opening the lock.

Additionally, it's said that Dee wants to do a whole retrospective of her characters. It fits with what S15 has done so far.

Still, we are shown Dee pulling the strings even when it comes to directing the characters.

"And like all great plays, this one is going to have a happy ending."

The Gang Chokes

Frank almost chokes to death during their dinner. Charlie admits he almost let him die because he was mad at him for "interrupting him". At the same time, Mac is taking all his cues to act from Dennis, even in drastic situations, instead of showing that he can make his own decisions, which is what Dennis really wants.

"I would've stepped in, but, of course, I was taking my cues from you." "Why?" "Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not." "But why?" "I mean, why do I still have to tell you what to do?" "And why is it up to me to decide whether or not you're going to save a man's life?"

Being able to make your own decisions depending on what you want to do, instead of always following someone else's directions, regardless of what the outcome is...

"So you were still gonna rely on a decision that somebody else made, only, this time, you were potentially gonna kill a man?"

Dee also starts living on the edge of life and death because it gives her a thrill, but ultimately experiences true death and realizes there is nothing on the other side.

Frank goes to live with someone else (the waiter), but in the end realizes Charlie was already perfect for him. Once again, breaking out and almost ending things only to see all he already had in the end, because Charlie apologizes to him.

And Mac learns to make his own decisions instead of depending on others. Like the structure meta.

The Gang Texts

The bananas thing with the gorilla.

"I sit there, eat a banana real slow, and he comes up to the glass, and he's banging on the glass like the dumb ape he is."

"It will bang its hands bloody trying to get the banana."

"How is that funny?"

"It's funny 'cause he can't get the banana."

Just like the seeds in s15, it's about writing, or rather questioning the way they have written things in the past. Frank insists withholding the wanted thing is hilarious, and Charlie questions it.

Like in Still in Ireland:

"Oh. I should eat it again. Then it would be funny 'cause I didn't learn my lesson."

"No, that wouldn't be funny. It'd just be kind of dumb, you know."

Deriving humor from the characters never learning their lesson, being beaten down by the narrative, never getting what they want. Which is a key component of the classic sunny structure. The meta is questioning it, probably because there's many things RCG wants to do that would go against this. Just like the Shelley arc in s15, after all.

In the end, the characters are allowed to understand each other, looking each other in the eyes as the circle of life plays.

The Gang Solves Global Warming

Talk of an imminent crisis. People are gonna revolt soon (like the audience for Thundergun), and the bar (which has often been used as meta to represent the show) doesn't have enough resources to accomodate everyone.

"We didn't have enough to accommodate the people that were here before, and now it seems like we've doubled in size and we just don't have enough."

"Where is your God now?"

"He will reveal himself at some point."

"Oh. Well, is he gonna do it before all these people revolt and destroy the place?"

"I don't know, Frank. I don't question God's will. If he wants to destroy the Earth, that's on him. I support it!"

Could refer to both RCG's burnout as well as not having enough time. Either way, it leads to disaster.

Mac talks about God's plan, something that is predetermined and thus cannot be changed.

"Guys, we don't really have to worry about global warming, because... yes, is the Earth getting unbearably hot? Of course it is. But it's all a part of God's plan. Look, if God wants to roast us like turkeys, there's got to be a good reason for it."

Mac acknowledges that the plan that is locked in is leading to a horrible unbearable outcome, but still insists there's nothing they can do to change that ending.

"See? It's all a part of his divine plan, Dennis. And that's locked in, so we're good."

"Okay, so all we have to do is nothing?"

"No. No, because... we have free will, Dennis, which means that we have to take the necessary steps to make sure that that plan comes to fruition."

"Which is predetermined."

"Yes."

"But it doesn't matter what we do if it's all predetermined. You see how your argument... doesn't make any sense?"

Just like the structure, this plan doesn't allow the characters to change anything, and it only leads to eventual doom. Or imminent death.

Paddy's Has a Jumper

There is a man who wants to end his own life on the roof of Paddy's, and the gang uses an algorithm to try to determine whether they should do something about it.

So there is a threat of imminent death, and through the algorithm (like the structure), they have to decide how to proceed, only the algorithm eventually leads them down a path they are not fully comfortable with, pushing Bryan off of the roof.

The episode starts with them watching an episode of a show on TV, and being surprised by a twist (a marriage proposal... thinking of dennis' shell that can only be broken by marriage... anyways). The algorithm decided they would like this show, but we learn at the end that they didn't (once again, the audience revolting, whether it be thundergun fans or patrons at the bar).

At the same time, it's repeated that this algorithm takes the emotions out of decisions:

"So, guys, I think I have a way that we can solve this argument without human emotion mucking it all up."

"I don't need your opinions. Okay? 'Cause based on the analytical conclusions that we draw here, we're gonna be able to come up with a mathematically-accurate, non-emotional answer to all of our questions. Okay? We just need to think like a computer."

"Well, it still feels a little weird, but feelings are irrelevant in the face of facts. Is that what I'm hearing? The feelings... feelings just get in the way."

I remember when this episode aired, people interpreted Cricket getting the casaba melon in the end as David Hornsby writing the finale of the season, Big Mo. The casaba representing the show, plus the talk of "helping Bryan die" and "crashing the casaba melon" with him catching it sounded a lot like "ending sunny", which plays both into Big Mo tricking us into thinking sunny was ending, and later acting like the finale to classic sunny. One last season following the old structure before RCG allows themselves to change things up in way that could be risky in fan reception.

This whole episode, with the discussion on Bryan, the egg, and the casaba, reads like RCG deciding on what to do with the show. Do we end it? Do we change it? What makes the most sense vs what do we want to do?

"And then we could be known as a suicide bar, and that's no good." "I don't want to be that." "Yeah, kind of grim." "I'd probably take my business elsewhere." "You don't have business." "What, uh, what if you lean into that, though?" "Like, you don't make it grim, but you make it playful."

This decision they keep hinting at could shift the tone of the show forever, and potentially "drive away business".

So they want to try to decide on it by sticking to what works mathematically, in this case the algorithm, however... it doesn't reflect their feelings.

"Uh, yeah, I know, but mathematically we were supposed to kill a man today."

"Maybe that's, like, part of the problem of, like, taking the humanity out of decisions."

"Perhaps the science just isn't there yet."

When it comes to exploring the canon of sunny, there is a lot that, if the normal sunny structure were to be used, would never be explored in an emotionally satisfying way, which is what RCG ultimately wants to do. I remember when Mac Finds His Pride first came out, Rob kept insisting "the characters change, but they don't evolve", and when faced with so much criticism about the episode not feeling like sunny, he answered that "he decides what feels like sunny, because he's the writer".

I quote:

"What was the reaction like to your epic dance number in the season 13 finale?

MCELHENNEY: It was both negative and positive, which is one of those things we talked about. It’s great to surprise people and have them not have any idea what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. I have people saying, “Oh my God, I love this, it’s one of the best things you’ve ever done,” and then I have other people saying, “You’ve destroyed my show, you’ve ruined it.” And I’m like, “Great!” That’s exactly what we should be doing on the show, is we should be destroying somebody’s idea of what Sunny is on a regular basis. OLSON: It was kind of weird just how many people would just blatantly comment on his body and to me, and we were like, “What would happen if they were commenting on my body to you? Like, ‘Ahh, Kaitlin’s chest…’” MCELHENNEY: A lot of people didn’t like it. Because a lot of people felt like it didn’t fit into the lexicon of what the show is. And I can’t say that they’re wrong, but the difference is that I get to dictate what the lexicon is and they don’t, and that’s a part of the experience."

This episode is also where a lot of explosion talk happens, with Mac and Dennis mentioning they crave it, and the way they want to reach it is by destroying the casaba melon (which as we've established represents sunny).

In the end, it's discovered it's where Frank hides his weed ("I don't think you have to hide it, man"), and Frank reveals it's also "full of loads".

A Woman's Right To Chop

An episode fully about choices and their perceived life altering consequences. Dennis and the rest of the boys want to control what other women decide to do with their hair, Dee defends their right to do it. There's talk of tradition and "upsetting the natural balance of things". The tradition thing will be brought up again in the finale of s15.

I wonder if Poppins could also be considered a metaphor for the show itself. Very old, but full of potential new life that, if let out, could kill them.

Either way:

(Talking of Keri Russell) "Millions of adoring fans, hit television show, you know, and then she went and did this." "Shocking, isn't it? With this one tragic decision, Keri Russell alienated all of her fans, she got her show canceled, and man, she was never heard of ever again."

Frank's talk about cutting all of his hair and losing it forever due to this drastic decision also fits. Burping from his backed up valve due to missing what he lost, the hair that never grew back ("And you're not just giving up being at the top of the leaderboard at some, you know, laser-amusement-themed park, man, you're talking about giving up everything. Everything. Everything we built. Everything we worked so hard for.").

Waiting for Big Mo

And we're finally at the finale for season 14. This episode was structured to trick the audience into thinking the series was ending with its walking out. Not only that, but it's a key episode for meta interpretation of these two seasons.

"Time to end the game" echoes Escapes' "And so the game begins". Because it references the same thing, the game being the show itself.

This is reinforced by the gang saying "it feels like they've been playing it forever", "they never win anything" and that "they get to go crazy at the end of it".

But if the game is sunny, what is the base they're trying to defend? That is the structure.

"Just guard the base, man."

"Kind of sick and tired of guarding the base. What if we go out there, run around? I want to go out there and have some fun, man."

"We gotta guard the base. That's what we always do, and that's what we figured out works a long time ago. Plus, we're waiting for Big Mo."

Dennis is desperate to hold the base and protect it because it's what they've always done, and because Big Mo is threatening to take their place on the leaderboard.

If they were to go out, run around and explore, they would go down the leaderboard, and that is exactly what happens.

"Oh, Charlie, you got to get out there with us. It's so fun. We're finding all kinds of corners of this place that we've never explored before."

"Yeah, I'd love to, I really would, but we're actually... we're losing right now."

An article from season 13 times about "Mac Finds His Pride" reads:

“Some of the uncharted waters, if you want to call them that, were genuine emotion,” Day said on a 2018 Television Critics Association panel. “Once we stumbled on the episode becoming more about Frank being more tolerant and accepting something, we thought, well, this is something we haven’t really done. Our characters rarely change or learn.”

To me, this dissatisfaction is something they felt for a while, and the first time they started really having fun with it again was when they decided to have Mac come out, in Hero or hate crime specifically. That is, because until then, the characters being incapable of change was part of the structure of the show. Something that allowed no wiggle room. But the audience making themselves heard after Goes to hell came out showed them it didn't have to be that way, necessarily.

It didn't come without struggle though, this interview from TheWrap reads:

GLENN HOWERTON: "He’s out (Mac). It’s definitely a big deal for us. I never thought we would do that. … I was against it at first, and the reason I was against it was his character has always been an opportunity to satirize a particular attitude, that still sadly exists, that there’s something wrong with being gay. And I think that it was important to me at least to maintain that level of social satire which is such a big part of the show to me: taking an attitude, taking a point of view that exists in our society, and giving it to one of our characters and sort of blowing it out of proportion. Watching the inevitable outcome of the most extreme version of that point of view. That’s always been my M.O. in terms of the writing of the characters. And to me there was always such a darkly comical and sad element to having this character continue to deny his own sexuality because of the societal pressures that he put on himself… that he had internalized. So I never wanted him to come out of the closet because I thought that to me is… showing just how deep that mentality goes. And despite all the evidence and despite all the support of his friends, the man will still continue to deny his sexual orientation. But then I got to a point where I realized, I’m holding too hard and fast to that rule. And I think we have made plenty of jokes in that arena. We’ve satirized that to death. What sort of possibilities does it open up when that character finally does come out of the closet? Which is why we decided to have him come out once and for all."

Mac coming out forced RCG to reassess to which level the characters were in fact allowed to change.

This article from 2019 has him saying:

“we wanted to make sure that even though the characters might change, they don’t evolve. We wanted to make sure that he (Mac) doesn’t become a better person or a sweeter person or more endearing person or a nicer person. We felt like we wanted to still keep the tone. So I would say, in all the right ways, things remain exactly the same.”

And the amount of change the show as a whole was allowed was something they've grappled since, and something I'm pretty sure caused Dennis Double Life (I mean, Dennis being mindnumbingly bored at how everything stays exactly the same - like his own apartment - but running away at the possibility of change, with the RPG "on the table"...).

Anyway, during the whole episode, the others keep wanting to quit the game for good, because the way Dennis is making them play is miserable, and they'll only be allowed to have fun at the end.

"I actually got an idea. Like, what if you guys don't play the game up in the air ducts this time, but you go down on the floor? Where everyone's having all the fun?"

"They look like they're having so much fun playing laser ta..."

"Will you shut up?! This isn't about having fun. Okay? This is about staying alive and winning."

Dennis (in true double life fashion from him...) places this dilemma like an impossible choice: either you stay alive, miserable, and win, OR you have fun and eventually Big Mo (imminent death) gets you, and you're forgotten. He doesn't see the answer in the middle, which Charlie is quick to point out: playing the game AND having fun with it, not caring how it affects "how well they're doing".

Eventually Dennis learns about what really happened to Larry Takashi (aka Larry David), and the whole gang, for a moment, agrees to "end the game", aka end the show. This was obviously a fake show ending, finishing with them saying "they're never going anywhere". But why is that? Because instead of guarding the base, they decided to play by their own rules.

As such, Big Mo still acts like a show finale, to what Sunny was prior to this decision.

This brings us to...

Season 15

Introduced with the trailer description as "new era, same egos",

Predictably, this season ends up "breaking the bounds" of philly, to travel all the way to Ireland. As Big Mo had announced, they "went out to explore"... but literally.

What happens next is the natural first step of exploration, aka reassessing your own identity.

Season 15 isn't the "franchise rebooted" just yet, it is experimentation. Experimenting with how far they can push things, getting comfortable with the new structure (of a season arc, and otherwise).

With an end comes a new beginning, and a question, what is sunny now?

So, the theme of identity touches every single character on its own, each with their personalized arc that ends with the character coming out changed in some way. This is why to me season 15 is transitional. The show, the characters, are finding new footing. This is especially true for Dennis, whose character has been intrinsically linked to sunny meta for a while now, but I can't fully get into that here (or I would derail the section. I get into it later a bit. also I have gotten into it before tho, though the post is slightly old so some parts may not hold up).

Some characters attempt to cling to their roots, others run from it.

All in all, this season challenges each character on one fragment that always defined their identity, and has them come out of it with a new understanding.

As a matter of fact, this is, to me, the first season where all the characters are actually allowed to develop.

Trying to keep to the point before we get into each episode, here is the arc that each character goes through:

MAC: At first, he is compartmentalizing his own identity. Depending on what he feels is the dominant one, he feels he has to act accordingly, and every single decision is dictated by this. He places great importance on his irish roots, when all of a sudden, this belief is challenged when it is "discovered" that he's "actually dutch". This sends Mac into a spiral, trying to determine what really defines him now that his roots are out of the question. He can't reconcile the fact that different aspects can coexist in a singe person, hyperfocusing on one at a time. Until it's revealed in the finale that he is in fact irish, and Dennis and Charlie tricked him. ("So you thought you'd just unravel my entire identity?" "Nothing's unraveled! We didn't unravel anything! You're still you! You've always been you!"). So what does Mac gain from this arc? Another shamrock tattoo... no, I'm kidding, he gains security in his own identity outside of outside validation. For a moment he experienced what it was like to have everything you thought you knew about yourself be shattered, and what it gave him was an awareness that you're still you even in the face of change, and a determination to stand his ground. All in all, to me, his character is the one who actually changed the least (makes it counterproductive that I'd talk about him first...), which is why season 15 throws him for a loop. RCG already had him where they wanted as far as development goes at the start, due to the fact he was allowed to develop in past seasons as well, so what they did instead was bring him back to a previous point, reawakening his insecurity in his identity. He thought he knew pretty well who he was, until he didn't. And then he's sure again. What this did was have him see that it really didn't matter in the end, he was always him. Another thing this arc did was set him free from his dad's shadow for a moment, as he got another last name. That's because, as the gelled back hair would remind you, he's always looked up to and wanted to prove himself to his father. As MFHP marks the climactic point of Mac trying desperately to have his dad understand his identity, and failing, Jumper shows us that he still thinks of his name in a positive light or at least tries to defend it still ("My dad's name is an homage."), like he's still in denial. In a way, by assigning him the Vandross last name for a while, he was allowed to cut ties with his own name and exist as someone else, only to come to the conclusion that nothing really changed about himself, and he shouldn't stress about identity so much.

DENNIS: In many ways, Dennis' arc is the foil to Mac's. Unlike Mac, Dennis doesn't want to hear a single thing about identity. He doesn't think it should play a role in the decisions you make at all, in fact he thinks no action you take can ever define your identity, and you are whatever the hell you say you are, regardless of where your heart's taking you. Now, on some level, his argument may appear reasonable, or at least more grounded than Mac's. It's true, "Identity doesn't have to factor into absolutely every decision you make.", and you do have power over how you define yourself at the end of the day. Dennis being Dennis, however, we all know the extreme to which he's taking this. He is drowning in denial. Refusing to accept reality at every turn. He doesn't have covid, he's just allergic to sheep wool, and the castle looks great, it's not decrepit. So, Dennis starts the arc with one main ambition: have an authentic experience. He's obsessed with things being true, being tampered with. This is also a season theme, in general (the burning of the shredded documents for example), which again plays into how Dennis meta is almost always show meta as well, but I digress. He forces himself to do things the european way, effectively running away from his roots entirely. The opposite of Mac. Throughout the season however, things escalate. He gets worse, and he starts doing things the old way regardless (like driving the wrong, but right for him in philly, side of the road). It reads like he's trying to negate his actual authentic nature, while being driven insane by the perception of others doing this as well. He wants things to feel authentic, he just can't figure out how, because he can't see as he's blinded by all the denial that's literally almost killing him (you could say he's been trying to pull the wool over our eyes...). It's hard to define in this arc which exact aspect of his identity is challenged, because it's all of them. As the finale states, his whole "essence" is broken, his back, you know, the structural foundation of every person, ("You've always said that your back has the symmetry of the Vitruvian man, and it's the foundation of your structural essence.") the structure of the show, the structure of Dennis. This is another way in which it is a foil to Mac, as he is already secure and open about who he is exactly, while Dennis denies all of it. They're like opposite extremes for how to tackle the structure, and the answer of course lies in the middle. (wink. see I told you it's impossible to write impartial sunny meta, because macden is intrinsic to it... anyway). By the end of his arc however! Dennis has admitted to himself that he had covid. Almost dying from sheer denial gave him enough of a scare to cut that out, if you will, and I can't tell you what the new Dennis will be like or what he has gained besides the lack (or decrease) of denial, because his change is the most fundamental. He will probably be further redefined in season 16. All his identity was impacted.

DEE: This one's easy, what is something that has always defined Dee's identity, to everyone and herself? (Clip Show: "Dee, are you a successful actress?" "Oh, I could have been." "Dee, be serious! Yes or no?" "No.") Since always, she has wanted to be an actress. Finally, she gets the once in a lifetime opportunity to be just that. Earlier in the season, it is hinted especially with her acting classes that what he really wants is to have power and control. This of course echoes what we've seen of her in season 14 (and prior), she comes up with the plans, pulls the strings, prefers to be the director. However, what does an actor do? Follow orders and directions. Previously, she fell into this role due to her search for validation. This is shown with her literally begging the director to have a role. Her arc shifts her character from looking for others' directions, permission and validation to gaining agency (which even echoes thundergun 4! "So, you... you want the female characters to have less agency?") by crushing the possibility of her becoming an actor, her last chance, all the while showing her how miserable it truly is to have to follow everyone else's lead. Anyway, now that the actor fragment of her identity is put to rest, she is free to redefine herself and take charge. Additionally, Sinks in a Bog may have also started a thread to redefine the way she sees female allyship, in fact I think it was the central theme of the episode for her. Thinking back to Making Paddy's Great Again, she was willing to get rid of a perfectly fine new gang member in favor of Dennis, just because she was a woman which made her feel threatened. In Thundergun 4, similarly, she feels threatened by the new female character, and wants other women to be below her, is always in competition with them. Bog puts her in a situation of need where only the Waitress, another woman, can help her. In the end, she lets the Waitress sink in order to get out, but the episode still forces Dee to face a situation in which women working together is the only viable way to get out of trouble. I don't think this specific arc is finished yet for her, but I wanted to mention it still.

FRANK: Another easy one. Thanks to MFHP and the discussion surrounding it by RCG, we know that the role of Frank in the gang is that of surrogate father. However, just because we the audience know, does not mean he does. Frank as a character dismisses responsibilities such as "being a dad". He may show the occasional tender affection towards Charlie, but those moments are far in-between, and when asked if he's Charlie father, he has run from it in the past. We, like him probably, always assumed in the end that he was indeed Charlie's biological dad, despite the lack of test. Season 15, of course, puts a wrench in all of this. This is the fragment of Frank's identity that gets challenged, his fatherhood. Not just to Charlie, but to Dennis as well, which he ends up treating as a "rebound son" and bonding with while he is separated from Charlie. Frank has always kept people at a distance, and almost losing Charlie reminds him to treasure what you have, otherwise you run the risk of losing it. By the end of the season he's almost flipped, in that he is willing to show Charlie that he is "useful", to make himself worthy of being in his life, instead of expecting it. What he gained, in my opinion, is feeling comfortable with the idea of being a father. Actually wanting it. Finally stepping into the role of "the gang's surrogate dad" that has been preannounced ever since MFHP. So that's how his identity was impacted. Not saying he's gonna become dad of the year, just that he's now open to seeing of himself as a dad at all.

CHARLIE: He is the protagonist of the season, the one that gets to have the big emotional beat of the finale, and as such I've left him for last here, because there's more to chew on. Charlie isn't setting out to do anything when he arrives in Ireland. He's pretty content in how things are and who he is, he's just along for the ride... or so he thinks. By finding out the existence of his actual biological dad and meeting him, he is confronted with a whole world of... everything he's ever wanted. Suddenly, what he had before doesn't cut it anymore. He wasn't looking for this, but as he stumbles on it, he realizes quickly that it's everything he's been missing out on his whole life. He wants to start fresh with his dad, wants to learn more about his roots, he is ready to abandon the life he thought he was content in, because he sees how incomplete it actually was. Only... that's not how life works. You cannot alter the past. You can only impact the future. ("The first time round is a bitter pill, but the second chance is better still") He cannot make up for all the lost time and chances, because his dad dies. ("You weren't there! And I needed you! I needed you there. You were supposed to carry me!") The finale says it best: "I'm glad you're dead. Now I don't have to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to pick me up." Charlie, like Dee, is allowed to move on from a fragment of his identity that was weighting him down. He's allowed to let go of his need to know who his real dad is, and is rewarded with the knowledge that he does have people who care for him despite everything. His identity is thus also redefined: he's no longer waiting to know who his "real" dad is, because he knows what makes family real.

In a way, this is the "Big Mo" we'd been waiting for. Despite the apparent negative outcome of the trip overall, the team underwent successful arcs that ended with them all together in the bar, deciding to go back up there on that mountain and help Charlie finish the job ("No hesitation, no surrender, no man left behind!"). Just like a sports team getting "in the zone" and starting a winning streak by working together really well.

So, lets get into the episodes.

2020: A Year in Review

Talk of wanting to set off fireworks in the bar to celebrate.

Obviously, this refers to how sunny passed the record as longest running sitcom with its fifteenth season, but let's also look at the dialogue:

"What if we let off some fireworks in here, huh?"

"Fireworks in the bar?"

"It's never been done before. Right? That could be kind of good, right?"

"You'll burn the place to the ground."

The kind of explosion Charlie wants to set off because "it's never been done before" (echoing Big Mo... exploring new things) could potentially destroy the bar... which, as always, is a metaphor for the show.

The evergreen bar = show metaphor doesn't stop here however.

The gang is expecting a "huge potential investor" and they're gonna try to ask him for a loan for Paddy's pub.

In the past year they've asked for, and gotten, plenty of them for their own little side ventures/failing businesses, and now they want one for their main thing, the bar.

He's not there to give out PPP loans though, what the guy is actually there to do is collect on the ones already given.

Here's how I interpret this. Think of every season a show is given, as a small loan of a set number of episodes that they will then use to tell their story.

Throughout the years, sunny has been given plenty of these, and rarely has it used them to explore a lot of canon, because of the structure of the show that didn't really allow for it.

This is the same sentiment as Escapes, the fear of not being allowed more time, more seasons, to actually do all the stuff they want to do, that they were saving for "the end".

Because as the man hears all the ways in which they have wasted the previous given loans, he obviously doesn't give them another one for their actual main business venture.

So, Mac and Dennis decide to get involved with the election, and as such their loan is for tactical gear, but they end up getting sidetracked entirely, running their own separate poll where people get to vote, while also getting back to their initial thing of singing together.

"Now, the labeling... in hindsight, was a bit obtuse and created a great deal of confusion."

"It kind of backed up the whole system."

"Right. Yeah, there was a whole kerfuffle... I don't know if you remember this... about, like, what votes were supposed to be counted and what votes aren't gonna be counted. And are these legitimate votes, are these not legitimate votes? What's this, what's that? I mean, we put our boxes all over the damn place. So, you know, we created a mess."

This ep also has the whole running out of materials thing that Global Warming did for when Charlie and Dee are making masks and it's hard to meet the demand.

"Um, so, hey, listen, um, listen, we really do believe that with a major cash infusion, we could turn this bar into something..."

"No, no, no."

"...even more successful than it already..."

Thankfully, as we've covered, they managed to get four seasons, I'd say that's a pretty big loan that can only be justified if you have some sort of plan... to "turn this show into something even more successful than it already is".

Or perhaps just to do something so altering that it's potentially show ending, without the fear of getting cancelled immediately.

The Gang Makes Lethal Weapon 7

As this episode has the gang directing a set, it's easy for some elements to mirror the making of sunny, as that's the intended thing in the first place. (stuff like "We could make this more of an art house film. I'm open to it.", whereas in Thundergun 4, their role was that of the audience, which is why there Mac goes "I hope they don't show us some boring art house movie.").

There's talk of a big bang, "I'm sick of getting jerked around, I'm ready to explode".

They start to redefine who the "villain" of the story actually is, something that will also come up later in Mac's discussions about God with Gus. The concept of a vengeful God set out to send a catastrophe to smite and punish them. Like Global Warming. An imminent death, in this case in the form of a tidal wave, an act of God.

I think it's interesting how throughout these seasons, this talk of a "big event", an explosion, is both talked of as a huge catastrophe, yet something that is deeply craved.

Reminds me of Chop, again:

"They're clearly bored and lonely and needing to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special." "Take this one for example. You don't get a monkey cut like that unless you're broken inside."

A chop, an action that's so drastic it could potentially destroy everything they've built...

"Out of the smoldering ashes, however, I pieced together a cautionary tale. An exploration, not of what is gained by learning, but of what is lost by staying ignorant."

They can't change the past (the first time round is a bitter pill), but they can embrace the future (the second chance is better still), taking what feels like "smoldering ashes" and exploring the lost potential that staying ignorant left them with. In the case of season 15, Charlie couldn't stay with his father and all he was left with was the missed chances ("You weren't there! And I needed you! I needed you there. You were supposed to carry me!"), but in the midst of this, Frank learned the importance of his role as a father (and then we find new seeds to sow, to grow our love we didn't know).

The Gang Buys A Roller Rink

As always, the bar = show metaphor makes a reappearance.

This one is packed, but to summarize, this as well is about falling back in love with something. Or rather... the first half of it. The falling out.

Imagine you've been with something your whole life, you start forgetting why you kept choosing it to stay in your life (reminds me of dennis being asked by he lives with mac in clip show...), you slowly grow bored of it as you realize that it has never changed. You've kept it exactly the same.

You think that means something has to change, something has to give.

You fantasize about how different things could be... that's the roller rink. The roller rink serves the same purpose as them going to Ireland... going as far away from their base as possible, because of this need for change.

Except...

"Don't it always seem to go That you don't know what you got 'til it's gone? They paved paradise and put up a parking lot"

Once again, the implication being that they stuck with it for so long for a reason. The show, that is. Or the bar.

But that's not all this episode talks about to me.

Because it shows the gang acting very uncharacteristically, especially in regards to Dee.

"You know, Dennis looks like Jerry Seinfeld."

"Thanks, man. Yeah, that's kind of what I was going for."

"I don't like how mean they are to each other on that show."

"Aw, Sweet Dee. So pure of heart. You know?"

"Hey, when you going to Hollywood, Dee?"

"Tomorrow. Yeah, this is my last night in Philly. I'm actually super nervous."

"Oh, you got nothing to be nervous about."

"No, you're gonna do great out there, sis. They're gonna love you. You just have so much natural charisma, and you're so funny."

"Such a good-hearted person. Guys, thank you so much for not making fun of the size of her feet. They're very big."

"Oh, no, dude. I would never make fun of her physical attributes."

"Look at her go, man."

"Yeah, she's really flying, huh? Imagine if she didn't have to slow down for her friends."

"She doesn't have to. No, no, no. I... When she asked me to tighten her skates, I secretly loosened them, you know, 'cause real friends don't slow each other down, right? They help them soar."

These are all very "unsunny" moments typically ("I need their aggression at a ten"), especially in the context of the episode where we're meant to read the roller rink stuff kind of as anti-sunny... but something sticks out to me, and it's the last example I brought up.

Normally, it wouldn't fit the sunny structure, and yet we know that's not true, or at least... not anymore. Not always. They did come back for Charlie in the finale.

This is also lampshaded in Goes to Ireland:

"That's exactly what we did."

"Because we wanted to be supportive."

"No, you didn't!"

"Because we are always there for each other."

"No, we're not!"

"Right, guys?"

"In good times and in bad."

It's possible that's one way in which the previous structure didn't allow RCG to do what they really wanted to. Because the gang is not supposed to be there for each other normally, we know this, and yet it's been happening more and more in recent seasons.

Anyway, by having the roller rink part feel so unlike sunny, I think it's yet again addressing this fear that changing too much could lead them to... that. To straying too far away from what they had, only to find out it was already perfect.

Not to mention, they only get into this discussion at all because they just found out the roller rink is closing down.

"I mean, you know, doesn't quite have the same pageantry as a roller rink, but, uh..."

"Well, there's a palpable sadness in here."

This concept of pageantry coming back from A year in review.

"This guy's a huge potential investor. He could give Paddy's tons of money."

"I know, we need pageantry. We need, uh..."

So in a way, its closing down reminds the gang of all the lost potential, of their initial dreams, reminds them of all the things they said they'd do with the place.

This concept of potential... is something that I feel comes up a lot too. Whether it's the potential of new life with the puppies and the seeds, or something more abstract like them looking at Paddy's ("But that said, I mean, you know, it's got potential. It doesn't have to be this, right? We could gut this place, make it totally our own, right?").

The Gang Replaces Dee With A Monkey

Sigh. This one starts really on the nose.

"No. No, no. This can't be happening. I-I-I'm too young. No, why are you doing this? I don't want to change. I don't want to change. Oh, God, it's hot. It's always so goddamn hot. Someone's got to crack a door or a window. Oh, God, no. It's all happening too fast. I had plans, and they were perfect plans. This is just all too soon!"

We start the episode with, again, change, that is leading to losing something, running out of time.

Anyway, talk about wanting to go out, to experiment, and yet again the gang talking about where to go and trying to decide looks a lot like how a decision would be made inside a writer's room. Down to the use of a whiteboard, actually.

Now, about the monkey.

"See? Great, huh?"

"No. No, not great. Ridiculous. You think a monkey can run a bar?"

"Run a bar?"

"It would be great if we could hire more monkeys to do our job for us while we're gone. Like, a team of monkeys who run the bar, you know what I mean?"

"I do have to admit, though, it-it is a little disappointing to, um, discover that a team of primates could do our jobs for us, but..."

To me it sounds like the over reliance on a predetermined system, when writing, often lead to a feeling that RCG's own input wasn't as needed to make decisions, because they already know what works. To the point that a monkey could do their job. In a way, like the algorithm.

"And, uh, everybody write down a destination on the napkin, and then we'll put that destination in this bowl right here, I'll pick one out, and that way not one of us decides ...but we let fate take over. What do you guys think about that plan?"

They are... once again, in the position of having to take a decision. Like Escapes, getting lost in the specifics because they can't agree on them.

Unlike the previous examples however, this is suggesting the complete opposite approach to using a structure.

And it continues:

"You know what, guys? I'm having a lot of fun here. Uh, but I do want to figure this out, so, new plan. All right, here's what we're gonna do. Instead of writing down places, why don't we write down key words? Or phrases, you know? Let's go with our instincts, you know? Whatever we want to feel, whatever we want to experience on the vacation, okay? And then we'll put it up on a board. We'll look at it all together and then maybe the destination will just reveal itself to us."

Like the anti-algorithm, which took emotions out of the equation, this method instead prioritizes them in decisions. And much like Dee Day, the boys took the complicated route, Dee took the simpler one, but they all ended up on the same outcome. Ireland.

Another thing that season 15 introduces...

"You're just being honest about how you feel."

The theme of feelings is now accompanied by that of honesty, of authenticity.

"You're making me realize something here. Maybe this doesn't have to be a scam. What I mean is, [...] I can control you. I can make you feel however I want you to feel, which will help you be a better actor. [...] Oh, that's real power. Way more power than just acting, and I think that's what it was probably all about for me, you know? I just... I was searching for a sense of control."

And of control. People often do something drastic to look for a sense of control.

"And if we can't stop them from making stupid and selfish choices, then we need to give them a place to go to be stupid and selfish." (Chop)

The experimentation, the exploration of feelings, that's what they really wanted.

"You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself."

Something that makes writing sunny exciting... the ability to make us feel whatever they want. By embracing feelings.

But what has authenticity got to do with all this? Well, whatever it is that they're planning to do, something drastic and potentially catastrophic, I think there was genuine fear that it wouldn't be authentic to the show. That it would stray too far.

Think once again of the algorithm.

First, they had to decide if it was something feasible... Something they can actually pull off (Could he?). Then, they had to decide if it was something that would actually happen, within the show (Would he?). And finally, they had to decide if they actually wanted to go through with it (Should we?).

This method was supposed to determine if something fits the canon of sunny, and thus is allowed to be written in.

For this specific thing that seems to trip them up (rolling my eyes because I'm trying to be unbiased here but... come on. well either way, it works for many decisions, like charlie's father, for example), perhaps they kept getting stuck in each of those points of the algorithm, putting it off season after season, without realizing their feelings on the matter, regarding what they really want to do.

The fear of causing sunny's death by going too far (perhaps jumping the shark) started to turn into the desire to end sunny to get to the good stuff that lies at the end quicker... until realization hit. Why end it at all? Why not just... risk it?

So... Ireland.

The Ireland Arc

I think, for the sake of my own convenience, I will treat the Ireland episodes as one big section, because I can't address them separately.

"What did you want me to do, Dee? Did you want me to rent a big obnoxious American truck like that one over there? That's exactly what we're trying to get away from. Okay, you know, the tiny car, that's all part of the charm of-of Europe. You know, like driving on the left-hand side of the road. Dangerous for Americans like you. But, you know, it's authentic and that's what I want, that's what I'm going for. An authentic Irish..."

Dennis is looking for an authentic irish experience. This, to him, includes driving a tiny car, something that's actually clearly causing discomfort to everyone. This will repeat a lot. What he's actually doing, is straying further from his true american nature.

Learning, eventually, to fall back in love with it by the end, because "We are America, sweetheart! And we carry our country with us wherever we go. Because we love her! And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave 'em behind!". I think this phrase, in particular, shows the ultimate acceptance that the gang loves each other, and it's therefore not inauthentic to sunny that they would be there for each other sometimes. It is, in fact, part of its identity. And it always has been.

Anyway, in The Gang Goes To Ireland, eventually we arrive to a cat who has died because it got stuck inside the room of Frank Fluids' headquarters.

Frank is here however to get his hands on some documents, that he needs to shred in order to cover up a lot of evidence for past events.

At the same time, Dee arrives and Dennis reveals having experience "covering up blunt force trauma", so he helps her out by redistributing the blood on her forehead.

So, they are all examples of what can happen if you let structure control you. You can end up occulting the truth in the process. Covering up the past, "repressing" the blood... letting something that's otherwise glaring go unchecked and actively hiding it. And in fact, Dennis can't smell the dead cat.

Something has gone obviously wrong by getting stuck in the room (Escapes...), and everyone else can instantly smell it except for him, because the covid prevented him from sensing the authentic smell.

To extend this though... it prevented him from seeing reality as a whole. That's why he started hallucinating, why he complained about wool, because he couldn't accept reality. And by being unable to accept reality, he couldn't experience it around him. Couldn't sense the smell of the cat, of the hair...

Still, we see s15 change things up with the canon that they probably wouldn't have done before. Charlie being able to read gaelic, for one.

"I'm gonna kill myself, Frank." "He's not really gonna do it, dude, he's just being dramatic." "Do it, bitch!" "Yeah, do it, bitch." "I'm not really gonna do it. It's just a cry for help."

Paralleling Jumper, and thus the whole "wanting to end the show just to be able to go crazy with it". Chop too...

Another thing from Chop that returns here... when Mac thought "Poppins" was sleepy and tried to jumpstart their system with the air horn. Same concept as here with the stew.

"This stew is really doing it for me now."

"Well, yeah, 'cause you're using it as food, instead of using it as a reviving mechanism."

The problem being expressed here, is that it was never about the show not being fun to do anymore per se (comparing it, for example, to a dead body you have to carry up a mountain), but rather that there was a lot of potential stuck inside that was unaccounted for. In the case of "Poppins", all the puppies. The dog was pregnant, not sleepy. In the case of the stew, they were using it to throw it in people's faces or wake them up from having passed out, and not... as food.

Anyway, the gang meets up at Patty's, yet again showing that despite being all the way in Ireland, deep down they miss home, since they picked basically the irish copy of Paddy's to hang in.

Finally, in The Gang's Still in Ireland, we're introduced to the castle.

To me... the castle represents sunny (unsurprisingly, since I'm analyzing the meta about writing sunny).

"Dee, I haven't even begun to do half the things I want to do with this castle. Now you're asking me to leave?"

Dennis insists the castle is perfect, despite the fact it's falling apart.

"Whoa. This place has a dark past. Murder, betrayal, beheadings."

"Well, you know, it's a castle, Dee. You know, people were going crazy in castles all the time. And beheading people... that was just their way of solving problems back then, you know."

Reminds me of Mac's comments towards Paddy's at the end of roller rink, palpable sadness and all that, also Big Mo with the whole "getting to go crazy" at the end. The boldened part makes me think of the old structure. The old structure dictated all the darkness and didn't allow space for exploring something in a genuine way. The old structure demands the use of the murder hole.

Dennis follows the castle's instructions, which drive him further into denial and to act unlike himsels, almost possessed. He hides behinds the painting, which to me symbolizes subtext ("I think there's another man in this room."), but in the end falls out, which follows the meta of the seeds as well, in the sense that Frank is able to get them out of his throat.

About the seeds.

"The first time round is a bitter pill

But the second chance is better still

And then we find new seeds to sow

To grow our love we didn't know"

You could think of the new era as a second chance. But perhaps it applies to the characters as well. Perhaps this plays into God being merciful (more on this later).

The point being, there was a lot of unexplored potential, of lost chances, and by embracing that instead of getting bogged down, they'll be able to build something new. Even if they have to destroy some things for it (Thundergun 4), like the established canon, or the set rules. To fall back in love with the show, by embracing the emotional side of it.

Charlie's reaction to Frank getting the seed out could mimic the audience. Getting a seed unstuck doesn't guarantee that everyone will be onboard.

"I found you, seed. Look at it. I coughed it out."

"Yeah. Gross. Yeah."

"Oh. I thought you'd be happy for me."

Frank proposes he should swallow it back because it would be funny, because that was the old way of doing things and making jokes. The gang never learning as per the structure stopped them from delving deeper. But they don't care about audience reaction anymore ("we'll jam it down their throats till they enjoy it!" "we'll force them to like it!").

"Walking this path is a serious commitment. One that requires considerable training."

"Oh, Father, look, I've been S'ing and F'ing my way through life for far too long. I think it's time that I started sucking down the words of the Bible. And instead of looking for pieces of ass, I'd just look for peace."

"Well, your language leaves a bit to be desired, but your heart's in the right place."

Mac finds the same lesson in his time in the church.

"Many of the stories in the Bible are metaphors. Parables with lessons. Look, you're looking at this all wrong. The Bible is a guidepost. Interpretations can change over time. And so can the Church. Our God, the God we teach here, is a merciful God."

So if RCG is the God in question, then the message is one of mercy ("I'm gonna save you. Unlike you, I'm not a psychopath." "And like all great plays, this one is going to have a happy ending."), unlike the God in Global Warming and Lethal Weapon 7, a vengeful God that punishes its disciples ("to smite me for the urges that He gave me when I made the original sin of being born" ...kinda poetic, because RCG as God created them and made them act as they do, for the sole purpose of punishing them, having been created for this, and they don't really have a say in it).

Most shows also have what's called a "bible", although I remember RCG saying sunny doesn't, but it does have a canon and a structure, a set way that things work and have been done, and what's being argued here is that it should act more as a guide to follow when needed...

"You have urges that, traditionally, the Church has been very clear about. Well... I have those urges, too. [...] It's not uncommon. There's nothing wrong with it. It's who He made us. But our path, this path, is very clear. We must never act on those urges."

...And discarded when not needed. In Mac's case, him being gay, following this teaching from the bible would obviously be wrong.

Also, in general, we hear a lot of bell ringing in this season, both in the context of death (when the corpse is revealed, for example), but also whenever a scene with the church starts. Bells are usually rung only in funerals and weddings, so I thought that was another neat point to the overall themes.

Same goes for them using the song "Can't fight this feeling", that's all about... well, if you've read the lyrics you know. It's all about following your feelings...

The finale also places great importance on tradition, they have to carry the corpse that way because... that's the way things have always been done, that's tradition, that's the structure. But they don't end up carrying it, using a truck instead. Fulfilling the tradition and "sending him off with some dignity" but their own way, making things easier for themselves.

Death also keeps being a looming presence, in this case because of the curse of the banshee. It is said that when you see a banshee, "the end is near". And then death does hit, with Shelley. However, it wasn't the curse that did it, it was covid. The curse wasn't real.

But the corpse tells me something else, too.

"The poor guy's dying from a banshee curse, and now he's got to deal with COVID on top of everything else?"

The corpse is the show. This is important, because there is no death they have to fear. It is already dead. They've been trying to "jumpstart the system", with stew, with the air horn, but nothing they can do to the show can kill it more than how dead it already feels. The act of writing it the old way feeling like carrying a corpse up a mountain, an act so arduous each gang member keeps leaving, and the ones that stay ask for a break all the time.

This calls to mind the time Glenn actually left, and the part where Dennis trips and lets go seems to hint at this as well.

"Could it be maybe the banshee curse? Does it have something to do...?"

"Were you not carrying it?"

"Not carr... What are you talking about, man? Not carrying it? Yeah, I was carrying it."

"Why did it get lighter?"

"Oh, my God. It looks like he was dragging his feet back here."

"Were you hanging on it?"

"No!"

"He must have tripped and lost his grip, and that's how he fell."

"Oh, goddamn it! You were taking a ride? You weren't even holding it."

Seems to be mentioning the fact that Glenn didn't write any episode for season 13 after coming back.

When Mac stops carrying the corpse, the gang mentions that it feels like he was carrying a lot of weight, which to me refers to the most recent arcs being heavily Mac centric with his coming out, probably being the most exciting thing to write about, and thus "carrying" the corpse.

"Um, can I suggest something? What if we burn the body and carry the ashes up the hill?"

"Uh, guys, can I suggest something else? Uh, what if we, uh...? Now bear with me here. What if we chop the body up? Come on. And we carry it in pieces, right?"

"Look, this isn't working, okay? Look, you don't want to burn the guy? Fine. Personally, I don't understand it, but there are other solutions to this problem, okay? Let's just chop the body up. It's already mangled."

Dennis, despite initially insisting he "thinks it's awesome" to carry the body up the mountain, quickly starts getting fed up and trying to find alternative solutions. This probably reflects the reason why the seasons got shorter. A sentiment of burnout that they probably all felt.

The role of Dennis is crucial in this, and it cannot be overlooked. The moment his back is mentioned, especially as it's called his "structural essence", he's inevitably tied to the meta of the show as a whole because of the structure, meaning that breaking the show structure hinges on breaking Dennis' structure. This isn't the only moment this is implied, far from.

A few examples in quick succession, many of which I've already explored in my old post in more depth, some that will be new because they're from S15 (do allow me the freedom to bring into the discussion the concept of "love", that gets brought up a lot, and ties with the "embracing your feelings" I've dissected plenty already):

Dennis entering and exiting the structure in Gets Romantic ("So I'm still your leading man?"). Likewise, there's a lot of recasting talk in Lethal Weapon 7 and later with Dee in S15. Mirrors him leaving for ND as well.

Dennis being paralleled to Thundergun (he finds out he has a son, and in the end he "dies", / "So, this is the midpoint twist." "What is?" "Um, ThunderGun finding out he has a son." "He has a son?" "Yes." "But how is this the twist? I mean, because he's got a kid? I mean, he's probably got a thousand kids, all the raw-dog loads he drops." / "I say give me dong or give me death." / "You weren't looking for the gay thing. But it gave you a sense of something bigger than yourself.")

Dennis being forced by Dee to remove his make up in Dee Day ("Buddy, makeup or not, you are the Golden God. It's all about what's in here." / "Today of all days, and now I'm being forced to listen to her feelings? I won't do it. And who cares about her feelings anyway? Nobody, that's who. What about my feelings? Now, that's interesting, okay?" / "This man is clearly a monster, and he will be punished accordingly.")

Dennis wanting Mac to make his own decisions instead of looking at him for answers ("Well, you didn't tell me whether I should save him or not." "But why? I mean, why do I still have to tell you what to do? [...] And why is it up to me to decide whether or not you're going to save a man's life?"), being upset that Mac wouldn't just jump in to save him. Dennis being worried about his own mortality.

Dennis being paralleled to the Jumper, with the algorithm centering on what they should do with him. Also being the one insisting emotions be kept out of it, yet constantly acting emotional. The casaba, arguably, since Dennis is the Jumper, and the casaba was meant to represent it... ("I don't think you have to hide it, man").

The salon in Chop being called <3 or death, Dennis trying to stop others from making choices reads like him regretting North Dakota ("They're clearly bored and lonely and needing to do something extreme in order to make themselves feel special"), plus the obsession with hair mirroring that in S15, insisting that cutting the hair doesn't follow tradition (structure). Dennis being paralleled to Poppins ("My dog came back!" "How the hell is that dog still alive?" "Yeah, Mac, why don't you just put that poor thing out of its misery?" "Put him down? What, are you crazy? This is my dog, Dee. I love him.") both for having kids he doesn't take care of, and for leaving and coming back.

Dennis being at the center of Big Mo, insisting they keep guarding the base because doing otherwise would lead to death, and then also being the one to say that it's time to end the game. The entire revelation that brings us to the new era started by S15 hinges on Dennis' turning point, deciding not to guard the base (the structure! ...his structure?) anymore.

"They leave but they all come back." is the credits backwards message to season 14. Parallels Dennis leaving for ND.

Dennis having covid parallels Frank's dialogue about Barbara and thus Dee's dialogue for the role she's trying for ("Overnight, she became completely irrational with the hot flashes and the mood swings and the paranoia. That was the worst. Always accusing me of having affairs.").

Dennis' obsession with things being authentic while he himself is so in denial it almost causes him to die. The castle as his facade/identity, telling him what to do, the banquet of humiliation being about punishing a dad for abandoning his child, like Dennis did ("You wine and dine the man while also pointing out all of his character flaws, and then you lure him over to the castle's murder hole." "I'm not gonna kill him or anything, but it's got to be hot enough to be annoying as sh¡t, right? You know what I mean? Yeah. Burn him. Uh, he's gonna get burned. But, I mean, Charlie's got to see him lose his cool, so we can expose him as the child-abandoning monster that he really is.")

The recent seasons have kept laying down implications regarding Dennis in particular. We all remember the Range Rover ("I got to tell you, guys, that Range Rover, that was... that was like a part of me. You know, I considered it part of my identity, really." from New Wheels) being blown up by Mac with the RPG. Without getting into the specifics of what it may be (draw your conclusions, I'll draw mine), something about Dennis' identity is being... concealed, like with make up. Been tampered with, like the hair. Covered up, like Frank's shred-and-spread. Basically, it stands to reason that his back is the one that breaks in the finale, because we may get to explore that, his identity. (And because he feels like he's being left behind by the gang...? Remember tends bar... and thundergun too, its whole motto is no man left behind and yet he dies, which goes completely against that!)

"All right, you know what, guy? Here's what I'm feeling. Forget this dude. He was a deadbeat, right? Can we just go home?"

Season/ritual finished, they return home to their roots, with a newfound love for it.

Not letting the corpse (show) get between them (RCG).

"And we carry our country with us wherever we go! Because we love her! And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave 'em behind!"

So what does this mean for season 16?

The main analysis is done.

It was my goal inside this post to speculate as little as possible, so that hopefully the meta discussed would hold up regardless. This small footnote is for me to go crazy at the end, if you will.

If you were to ask me... season 16 is the aftermath of change. Wanting to go back to the way things were, back to your roots... but you've all changed. It's you (the gang) who's different. No matter where they are now.

"It's the end of the Vitruvian era! It's over! Goddamn! Goddamn! My essence has... been ruined by tiny cars, castle beds and... Goddamn. I hate this godforsaken country!"

So, if you were to see the "falling back in love with something" as an arc, this to me may be the moment in the story where you start to realize what you've missed out on, and what you miss that you already had. Paddy's may be the same, but the gang isn't. Least of all, Dennis.

"Love I get so lost sometimes Days pass and this emptiness fills my heart When I want to run away I drive off in my car But whichever way I go I come back to the place you are All my instincts, they return The grand facade, so soon will burn Without a noise, without my pride I reach out from the inside"

Because when you love someone, you can't bear...

I wonder if we'll ever get to see the RPG fired, that's clearly the type of explosion they crave, isn't it? Sometimes in order to save something you have to destroy it...

"Dear Anna, our time apart only makes my heart grow fonder." (oh like inflation?)

I don't know. I think Dennis, like the show (since their meta aligns), will try to embrace taking decisions based on feelings rather than being cold and calculative. And I think the gang will find that very weird, and may think he's got his bell rung or it's a cry for help or "he's probably faking it".

I also think we will be introduced to the concept of a new structure. That may be the DENNIS system reworked (or just realizing how appalling the old one is, underlining how that structure doesn't work for them anymore), or it may be some method Dennis is using to try to improve his mental health (it would make sense in meta... trying ways to get better... and failing too, like the trip to ireland being a disaster, but still teaching them something along the way), "What's the first word that comes to your mind to describe us?", something like that. Attempting to redefine what was previously established in a new way that works better, that adapts to their current needs.

So we will have gone from... classic (s14), exploration and change (s15), redefining (s16).

Of course, I don't think the exploration and change is finished either. The scene with Frank and Charlie finding a bathroom (which btw... also reminds me of my spec script...) still recalls Big Mo ("We're finding all kinds of corners of this place that we've never explored before."). I think all seasons moving forward will bring up past stuff they never got into before, to some extent. They have a lot of seeds to wade through, after all. They're not running out of those any time soon. Maybe that's what the scene refers too, believability? Might be why there's all those lamps (I didn't discover this... someone smarter than me did). After all this is something they never had to battle before from the comfort of their structure, but now that they're changing things, how much can they do before it's not believable?

I'm not even gonna get into the gang gets cursed without a synopsis, there's too much at stake for me to get wrong... some thoughts were the curse of the banshee, the curse from gets trapped (indiana jones reference... also referenced in s15... ark of the covenant... the crate... "In the bible, there are passages that explain that if a man touches the ark or looks inside it when it is opened, he will die." ...hm! fascinating), the god hole... I won't. I can't. The post is already way too long.

So... this is the end.

Thank you for reading all the way to here, you're insane for doing that, but I deeply appreciate it. Leave some tags if you wants, this took me 5 days to write and I also lost some edits at the end which was like three hours of work... woof.

And please feel free to add your own thoughts and considerations about this meta, despite how long this post ended up being I'm sure I've only scratched the surface of it, especially because I had to disregard almost everything prior to s14 for the sake of staying brief (I KNOW RIGHT?), and I'm sure there's dialogue I didn't include or multiple interpretations that escaped me. It happens, this show is hefty with them. But I hope you enjoyed. Thanks.

[ofstoriesandstardust]

chapter 1 - how did we get here? (lt. bradley “rooster” bradshaw)

a/n: i rewatched the great balls of fire scene an embarrassing amount of times. you know, for research purposes. 

summary: Pretending to be in love with Bradley proves to be easier and yet harder than you ever imagined. Rooster breaks down and admits the truth to Phoenix. So naturally, she hatches a plan to get the two together for real. Maverick’s just happy to finally be meeting his son’s wife and not miss out on anything else.

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist | flight risk masterlist | story description | prologue - lost time | chapter 2 - no such thing as a white lie

folks who wanted to be tagged: @justanothermagicalsara @jake-h-ngm-n-seresin @fangirl-316 @herladyshipxx @callsign-valley @parker-natasha @myhomeworksnotdone @kyramaximoff @pulisvertz @lass-that-is-gone @frenchtoastix @coco-loco-nut @sopheeg @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @torresbarnes @skyes-universe @supernaturaldawning​ @you-had-me-at-dead-welsh-kings​

warnings: swearing, mentions of cancer, flashbacks, slight angst towards the end, reuniting at the airport cliches, i love the nickname Sunshine and I know it’s a cliche but i don't care, however busy you think San Diego’s airport is double it,   the classic great balls of fire scene, nervous rambling, Ice is healthy and alive because I said so

word count: 4,193

You blinked, taking in the bright San Diego sunlight. The noises of the bustling airport welcomed you as you stepped out into the sunlight, taking in the lines of cars. A bright smile broke out across your face, one that could’ve gotten split your face open right down the middle. Despite the honking of horns, loud conversations, and the call of flight details over the intercom, you never would’ve missed Bradley leaned up against his Bronco, a pair of aviators perched on his face. Bradley’s always been handsome, had a natural charm, but the military had been kind to him in what it did for his physique and appearance. 

"Bradley!” You called, feet already moving towards the tall man before you knew what you were doing. His head swung towards you and a grin broke out across his face and you skid into his arms. He leaned down, slightly picking you up as your arms reached up across his large frame. The truth was, you and Bradley had always been friendly, and you liked him probably more than he liked you, but you wouldn’t deny that getting married to the kid had changed things for your friendship. You would always be fond of him and him you, no matter the distance and time that passed between the two of you. Well, at least that’s what you told yourself as he gently set you back down on the ground, large hands moving to your shoulders to take you in. 

“Well, Sunshine, look at you.” He remarks and you turn your head slightly, feeling your cheeks color lightly. “You look good.” 

“Same could be said for you Bradshaw. I see the Navy has been good to you.” He chuckles. It has been. He’s tan, built, gorgeous- wait what? You shook the thought from your brain. 

“Here, I’ll take care of this. Hop in.” He grabs your luggage, moving it to the back as you easily slid into the front seat, reminiscent of the days the two of you would go to the local dinner near campus to get those cheese fries you liked and the pizza Bradley enjoyed, although you always swore it was no good. The front door opens and he slides in, key turning in the ignition. He weaves around the multitude of cars easily and you settle in, buckling your seatbelt. “How you been Sunshine? How was the flight?” 

“Honestly, the flight wasn't too bad, I hate the airports more than anything. I’m good, keeping busy with work. But I’m happy to be out in sunny San Diego for a little bit. I prefer a West Coast summer to an East Coast one anytime.” 

“You ever been out here? To San Diego?”

“Yeah, I had family out here, not that I speak to them much these days.”

“That’s right, I knew that. Hey, do you wanna grab food on the way back to the house? I don’t know if you’ve eaten anything...”

“Yeah, that sounds great actually. I’ve only had Starbucks and that was at least six hours and an entire different timezone ago.” His laughter rings out and you smile upon hearing the sound again. 

“Any West Coast requests?”

“Please, In’N’Out. I beg of you Bradshaw.” He smirks.

“You always did have good taste. I mean, I would know, you did marry me after all.” You snort. 

“Yeah, speaking of that, what’s been up with you? I have to admit that getting a call from my fake husband to come convince his estranged godfather we’re in love was not on my 2019 Bingo card.” He sighs as the two of you make it out of airport traffic, driving past the sparkling blue of the coastline. 

“Okay, so, how much do you know about me being at UVA? I forget what I’ve told you over the years.”

“Eh, not a lot.”

“Okay, so, okay- I’ll just tell you everything because Mav’s gonna ask you questions about my parents, so congrats, you get to know more about me then most of my friends do.”

“Oh wow Bradshaw, I’m honored that you’re trusting your wife with your life story.” He smirks again. 

“Okay, so my Dad was a pilot in the Navy. He went by a callsign, it’s what we call each other up in the air. His was Goose, and his best friend’s is Maverick. My Dad died when I was young in a training accident. Mav really stepped up after the accident, his wingman Ice too, and they became my uncles. Mav’s the only father figure I’ve had. He was there for me a lot after Mom got sick when I was 14. Anyways, towards the end of Mom’s illness, when we knew she wasn’t going to get better, she asked Mav to pull my application to the Naval Academy. and he did. Mav never told me why he did it, but I was so angry that I walked out. I figured I’d do it on my own, which is how I ended up at UVA in the first place, studying Political Science. I enlisted after I graduated and you know the rest.” 

“I have a question, but I don’t know if it’s appropriate to ask.”

“Ask away.” 

“Why would your Mom ask Maverick to do that? I mean, for as long as I’ve known you, the Navy was always sort of the dream for you. Why would she, or Maverick, stand in the way of that?”

He sighs. “I’d spent my whole life dreaming and talking about growing up to be like my Dad, to get to fly alongside Mav one day, and I guess- I know Mom didn’t want me to go out of the way my Dad did, dying so young and leaving so much behind. She didn’t want to lose both her boys. And Mav cared about Mom a lot and I think he still feels guilty for Dad dying even though he’s been cleared by the Navy so he did what she asked. He didn’t tell me why he did it for years and I always thought he did it because he didn’t think I was good enough to fly with him, that he was trying to stand in my way of succeeding, of being like him and my Dad.” 

“But now you guys are okay?” He nods.

“It’s not what it used to be, but we’re a lot better now. We got called back to TOPGUN- do you know what that is?” You nodded. “Okay, well, we got called back to TOPGUN for a mission. He was our instructor and we butted heads a lot. To make a classified long story short, he ended up flying the mission with us. He- he took a missile for me and I went back for him, disobeying direct orders. Against all odds, we made it back alive and I- there were quite a few moments there where I didn’t think we were coming home and I just- I looked death in the eyes and after walking away from it, all that stuff didn’t seem to be that big of a deal anymore.” The car is silent as you see the unmistakable palm trees and red and white paint that marks In’N’Out in the distance. 

“Holy shit.” You finally breathe out, brain reeling. “No wonder you want to file these divorce papers. I don’t- I can’t imagine getting that call from the Navy.”

“Yeah.”

“So, why lie to Maverick about us?”

“I don’t know- our relationship is still fragile and he was so excited I just- I couldn’t tell him the truth. And he wanted to meet you so badly, he’s been talking about it since I told him you booked your flight that, I don’t know, telling him now just seems so- I don’t know. I’m sorry I’m putting you in this position.” You shake your head.

“After everything you’ve done for me throughout the years, it’s the least I can do for you.”

-

“Walk me through it one more time. There’s a lot of them.” He huffs out a laugh. 

“I know, it's okay. So, don’t forget that my call sign is Rooster and you’re about the only person outside of Mav and Ice that call me Bradley.”

“I’m not calling you Rooster.” He chuckles.

“I know, and I’ve told them that, that you prefer to keep my work life separate from our personal life.”

“Sly Bradshaw.”

“Thanks, I’m quite proud of myself. Anyways, there’s Mav, which-”

“Yeah, got that down.”

“Great. There’s Uncle Ice, but you’ll meet him later this week.”

“Okay.”

“There’s Phoenix, She’s my wingman and one of my best friends. There’s Bob, her WSO-”

“WSO?”

“Right, you’re not a pilot. Weapons Security Officer. You’ll like Bob. There’s Hangman, who- well he and I have a complicated history and he’s kind of an ass. There’s his wingman Coyote, who’s pretty cool. You’ll like Coyote, Fanboy too. Fanboy is Payback’s WSO, and Payback’s also cool.”

“You said there was 12 of you.”

“There is, but that’s all whose coming tonight.” 

“Fuck, am I gonna have to learn more people’s names?” He laughs. 

“Yeah. Oh, and there’s Penny Benjamin, who owns the bar we’re going to tonight, and her daughter Amelia. Penny is kind of Mav’s girlfriend but if you ask them that, they’ll deny it. I actually think you’ll get along with Amelia like a house on fire, which almost gave Mav a heart attack. As far as the ring goes-” 

“I’ve taken care of that.” You hold up your hand, wriggling your fingers.”I found this ring in my childhood bedroom years ago and my parents never knew where it came from so it sort of became mine. It’ll do for our purposes. I hate traditional wedding rings anyways. What are we telling them about PDA? Pet names?”

“You hate it. Sunshine is the only nickname I’ll use for you.”

“Okay, good to know. It’s not a lie.” 

“No, it isn’t, and we’re already lying enough to them anyways. Also, you should know that my group of friends- well, we’re already pretty loud and we can definitely be competitive and well- we’re not exactly nice to each other a lot of the time, but it’s only ever in fun. I’ve told them to leave you out of it but if you catch one of us slinging insults at each other during a game of pool, just- be prepared.” 

“Anything else I should know before we throw ourselves to the wolves?” You ask, suddenly nervous as you eye the bar the two of you have just arrived at. 

“We should be good.”

“What do I do if someone asks me a question I don’t know the answer to?” 

“I won’t leave your side, I promise. It won’t happen.” You nod, let out a shaky breath as your stomach turns. Rooster takes your hand, the one thing you had both agreed on and he pushes the door open as you pray your hand doesn’t start sweating in his. The bell jingles, which attracts the attention of the woman working at the bar, and she smiles at him. 

“Well Bradshaw, I do hope this is the wonderful lady you’ve been hiding from us.” Bradley tips his head. 

“Indeed Penny. This is (Y/N), my wife.” She extends a hand over the countertop and you shake it, taking note that this is Penny, Mav’s not-girlfriend.

“Where’s Mav? Amelia?” She sighs, shaking her head. 

“Up to no good, probably.” The door opens again and a boisterous group steps through the door. Your eyes scan the group, counting a total of 5. The woman spots the two of you first and she makes a beeline for you. She’s a lot shorter than Bradley is but as you take in her posture and sharp look, you figure that this must be Phoenix. The rest of the group isn’t too far behind and one of the men claps Bradley on the shoulder. 

“Bradshaw, please tell me you finally brought your wife out of hiding.” A different man in the group, shorter this time pipes up.

“Yeah, we were starting to think she wasn’t real.”

“Especially considering you’ve never mentioned her before now.” Phoenix states, eyes narrowing. Bradley sighs. 

“Daggers, this is my wife (Y/N). Sunshine, this is Bob, Phoenix, Payback, Fanboy, and Coyote.” Coyote chuckles. 

“Sunshine?”

“Long story.” 

“It really isn’t, Bradley always thought I was a ray of sunshine during our time at UVA, that I was always so talkative and upbeat and cheerful that I needed to be referred to as Sunshine. He won’t let it go.” 

“Him and Maverick could learn a lesson about letting things go.” Penny calls, a smirk on her face. Bradley rolls his eyes in response. 

“Listen, she loves it.”

“I don’t know that I do.” He shoots you a look. 

“And what would you prefer I call you sweetheart?”

“Well, I don’t know, that’ll work.” Fanboy makes a face.

“God, could the two of you get any more in love?” Mmm, probably Fanboy.

“Shut it, Fanboy. Where’s Hangman?” 

“He got caught up at work.” Bradley’s eyes narrow at Coyote’s response.

“What’d he do?” 

“What didn’t he do should be the question.” Bob mutters. 

“You know how he is, man. Hangman leaves you hanging and poor Maverick’s and enough of it.” 

“Mav making him do pushups?”

“All 300 of ‘em.” Bradley chuckles. The door opens to reveal an older man, bomber jacket and all and you know from the moment you set eyes on him that this is the legendary Maverick. He pulls off his aviators, taking in the bar and you realize just how much Bradley takes after his godfather. 

“Pete.” Penny calls out and he turns. He smiles, making his way down to the group. He arrives at Bradley’s shoulder and smiles at you. 

“(Y/N), this is my godfather, Pete Mitchell. Mav, this is my wife.” His smile only grows, but there seems to be a hint of sadness, of melancholy, behind it. He extends his hand, but you opt for a hug instead which causes the man to laugh. 

“Nice to meet you.” He whispers and you smile. 

“You as well. Bradley’s told me so much about you.” He clears his throat and glances at Bradley like he wouldn’t have expected him to say anything about him at all. 

“I admittedly don’t know much as I would like. Here, why don’t I buy you a drink? You can tell me everything Baby Goose won’t share.” Your eyebrows raise as Bradley groans. 

“Baby Goose?”

“Mav, do we gotta- it’s been like two minutes, how are you embarrassing me already?” 

“It’s cute.” You coo and a blush starts fighting it’s way up his tan skin. 

“Yeah yeah.” He grumbles. You took a seat at the bar and Maverick settles opposite from you as the crew makes their way to the pool table, sans Hangman, who’d still yet to appear. Bradley had left you after you promised you’d be fine for a little while without him and he had departed with a kiss on your cheek to which you had blushed, inciting a chuckle and head shaking from Maverick, mumbling something about kids in love. You talked with Maverick, not sure with how much time passed, as business at the bar picked up around you. You had to admit that your nerves had gone as quickly as they’d shown and this was a lot easier than you anticipated it to be.

“So, now that Bradley’s stationed here, do you think you’ll make the move from Boston?” You paused, shrugging a shoulder. 

“I mean, we’ve talked about it but, I don’t- I love my career and my job and he’s gone so often that we aren’t sure how permanent this is that-”

Maverick shakes his head. “The news that they were becoming an official squadron together took a lot of people by surprise and we’ve only just found out. It’s okay to not have all the answers.” You bow your head. 

“I mean, I love San Diego, I would absolutely consider moving here, but I’m married to my career and I just-”

“Kid, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You swallowed, trying not to let on that you didn’t have the answers Maverick was looking for. The doorbell jingled and you glanced up to see a tall blond strutting the door, a cocky grin on his face. Maverick sighed and you glanced over at the man. Your eyes watched as this mystery man made his way over to the pair of you.

“Pops, thanks for the extra 300 pushups, I appreciated the delay.”

“Well, you’re welcome Hangman.” Ah, so this was the belated and notorious Hangman. Hangman cocked his head but quickly turned his attention to you. 

“And what do we have here? A gorgeous lady, perhaps? And does the gorgeous lady have a name?” You open you mouth but Maverick beats you to it.

“Hangman, this is Rooster’s wife, (Y/N).” 

“Pleasure to meet you Hangman.”

“Pleasure’s all mine darling. Say, if you ever get tired of dear old Rooster, I’m happy to be of service.” He drawls, settling an arm around your shoulder. You raise an eyebrow and Maverick shakes his head. 

“Hangman, as your superior officer I feel as though I should remind you that adultery is a crime and can get you dishonorably discharged.” You gasp, turning towards Maverick.

“Is it really? I mean- I don’t know why that surprises me, I just can’t believe the Navy cares. Then again, my parents were cheating on each other so it’s not really like- you know what I’m gonna stop talking now.” Hangman huffs out a laugh removing his arm as Maverick chuckles. The sound of the the jukebox getting unplugged echoed through the Hard Deck and you looked over the piano, where Bradley was testing out a few keys. Coyote comes up behind you, groaning. You glance at him. 

“What’s he doing?” Hangman smirks. 

“Just watch and see.” The beginning chords of Great Balls of Fire begins to play and suddenly you’re taken back to when you were 20 years old, at the house party that got you into this mess in the first place.

The crickets were chirping as the music sounded far away. It was muted and you weren’t sure because it was inside or because you really felt that terrible. The wood underneath you was scratchy and you shifted uncomfortably, pulling your knees up to the step in front of you as you allow your head to fall onto your knees. You remember the wetness of your tears dripping down your face as you heard the college students singing. You swallow, trying to push back the way everything is crashing into you at once. Coming here was a bad idea, being here tonight was a bad idea, this wasn’t helping, just reminded how alone you were-

Bradley has the bar up in cheers and suddenly your chest feels tight as you come back to yourself as the chants overtake the bar, not unlike the night that you and Rooster had agreed to get married. Maverick glances at you and you take a sip of your beer, trying to shove down whatever it is that’s crawling up your throat. 

“He do this often?” You ask to no one in particular and Coyote snorts. 

“Yeah, you could say that.” 

Hangman smirks. “Ten bucks this is the first song of at least four tonight.” 

“You’re on Seresin, my money’s on at least six. He’s got his wife here and all.” Hangman glances down at you. 

“Bradshaw ever serenade you like that?” You tilt your head, watching Bradley disappear out the front door of the Hard Deck. “(Y/N)?” You shake your head, fighting the frown as he leaves. 

“Um, yeah, yeah he has. A few times in college. Uhm, not so much anymore but that just to do with the distance and everything.” You mutter, face feeling hot as you blink back tears. 

“Hey, you okay?” You hear Maverick’s voice come from next to you. 

“Uh, yeah, this is all just a lot and overwhelming and I- you know what, will you tell me more stories about Bradley? As a kid?” Maverick nods as Hangman and Coyote collect their drinks and move back to the pool table. Maverick starts telling you a story from when Bradley was in high school as you watch Phoenix move out the door behind him. 

-

He moved to the bench Penny kept towards the back patio of the Hard Deck. He sighed, sitting down gently. He watches the waves crash onto the shore as the pink hues of sunset run together with purples of evening dusk, creating a sight to behold on the horizon. San Diego really did have the best sunsets. 

“Bradshaw?” He doesn’t turn, doesn’t acknowledge Phoenix as her footsteps stop a few feet behind him. “Everything good?”

“Yeah, I’m good, just needed air for a minute.” 

“You’re separated from her, aren’t you?”

“What?” He twists, facing Natasha. She shakes her head. 

“Rooster, I’ve known you for a long time now. You’ve never mentioned a wife, you wear no ring, the way the two of you haven’t spent one moment together tonight, you’re separated from her.” He sighs, facing back to the ocean. She takes a few steps closer. “Why wouldn’t you be honest?” A pause. “Is it because of Maverick?” 

“Jesus fucking- Phoenix now is not a good time to be doing this!” He snaps but that only encourages the women to come closer. She gently sits down next to him, eyeing him with a measured look. 

“Rooster, tell me what’s going on. Talk to me. Tell me the truth.”

“You want the truth? Fine, here’s the truth. We got married less than a year into my Navy service because she was a friend of a friend and she desperately needed the benefits. We always figured we’d split when we found other partners but then we didn’t and then Mav asked about her and fuck- he’d be so disappointed in me if he knew the truth. I couldn’t lie to him.” Phoenix says nothing, just looking at him with that piercing look of hers. 

“Do you regret it?”

“No.” He says firmly. “She desperately needed those benefits and she did for a long time. It’s only been within the last five years she’s found a secure, stable job within her field. But God, seeing her in the flesh, after years, Nat, I’m- Her and I are divorcing. Going on that mission, seeing her now, it’s confirmed it. I don’t want her to get a call like the one my Mom got because she doesn’t deserve that. I care about her too much to let that happen. But lying to Maverick is harder than I thought it would be and I-”

“Rooster, hey, whoa, it’s okay.” He takes a shaky breath as his best friend eyes him. “For what it’s worth, if I didn’t know you as well as I did, I would be fooled by the performance the two of you are putting on.” She sighs, rubbing her hands together. “The idiots haven’t figured it out, no way. And Maverick just adores her, it’s so obvious. What are you gonna tell him? About why the two of you are getting divorced?”

He shrugs and gives a nervous chuckle. “I didn’t think that far in advance.” 

“You better figure it out because Maverick’s gonna be devastated you hid it from him.”

He sucks in a deep breath through gritted teeth. “I know.” 

She hesitates for a moment, biting her lip. “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” He nods. There’s footsteps and they both turn to see you a few feet away, hesitating. 

“Sorry, am I interrupting?” They shake their heads and Phoenix stands up. 

She smiles and nods her head as she moves past, tossing a “It was nice to meet you.” Over her shoulder as she strides back into the Hard Deck. You replace Phoenix in the seat next to him and he looks at you. 

“Everything okay?” You ask softly. 

He nods. “Are you good?” You nod but then shake your head. 

“Yeah, it’s- I’ll be fine, it’s just a lot. Overwhelming.” 

“Do you wanna go?”

“Yes please.” You whisper, shutting your eyes briefly. He stands up, taking your hand as the two of you walk back to the car. He squeezes it, trying not to think about the way his own heart is twisting. 

-

“So Bradshaw is dumber than I ever even realized.”

“Easy there Bagman.”

“Not sure I’m following why this is relevant, Phoenix.” Payback states from where he’s leaned up against the counter.

“Because. When is the last time you’ve heard about Rooster settling down? Having a serious girlfriend?” Fanboy snorts. 

“Maybe never.”

“Exactly. And well, if they’re already married then maybe it wouldn’t hurt to you know-” She clicks her tongue and make a little motion with her shoulder. 

“Oh, I don’t like that look on your face.” Bob moaned, taking in the mischievous glint in Phoenix’s eyes. Hangman smirked.

“Whatcha got in mind Trace?”

[prettysymbiosis]

I’ve been trying to get these thoughts out for days but basically I feel like the unifying theory of s16 (as I see it) is a conscious exploration of the dichotomy between sunny as a classically bold and brash pee pee poo poo comedy and sunny as a thoughtful, nuanced and subtle show about flawed people and also about itself, at times (by that I mean the meta isn’t always about macdennis or the other characters but about sunny itself - win an award, clip show, big mo, etc). the trailer actually captures this dichotomy well through the dialogue clips and animations, as well as the pinned comment which said “get ready for a whole lot of subtlety.” it’s still so baffling to me that sunny can simultaneously read as one of the most loud, obnoxious, unsubtle shows ever on television, OR it can be so subtle and allegorical in the writing of later seasons that most viewers would think people like us are crazy for reading so much into it even though we’re really not. this kind of self-reflective flavor is another product of the rewatch/podcast project which has been almost universally agreed to have had a very positive effect on the writing.

anyway having said that, I want to just share my notes on the first two episodes without trying to edit them too much. I’m bolding the points that I personally haven’t seen anyone else mention yet and putting a 😎 next to ones that evoke a Classic Sunny VibeTM because that’s important to the experiment of this season.

the gang inflates

macden fun/domestic/DUMB again 😎

something something never committing to the couch when it was absurd not to and it ended up costing them so much macdennis blah blah

dennis hanging up on dee was so funny to me oops 😎

and the WHOLE dee (as a character and specifically the female character) thing about being minimized to an absurd degree. I like to think the bog was a turning point for dee and the show is gonna do better by her now hopefully by recognizing her plight in a more serious way, like the way the guys have been doing?

are mac and dennis…… you know…… like for real??? as many have said, it could totally be revealed kind of retroactively to undercut the shock and be like “honestly we’re surprised you didn’t notice sooner” I feel like that is something rcg would do. suggestive clues:

“I don’t wanna talk to you about–” “a TON”

or is dennis like well that’s news to me jealous vibes??

“I figured you were man” ??

“I’m getting a little concerned about our nut”

“you truly have no reason to be sleeping with frank”

they specifically put a lil reaction shot of dennis after mac says “that’s a lotta blowin” a la the lil grin in gets romantic and, well, I just think that’s a choice that was made

“it’s not homophobic” is that so?????

when mac is like “you think we got rid of our furniture too soon/that the business plan won’t work” it’s kinda like no it’s not the committing to what they have, it’s that mac still has big denial problems and dennis can’t work with that… maybe? but so does dennis tbh

in a show-meta sense it’s like, we should be less worried about whether the gay gay-ass love story will alienate people and more worried about how these characters are too ridiculous to even let the love story play out effectively. they need mental health days if we are ever to have nice things

it’s possible mac denying his reaction to the allergy has to do with his body dysmorphia?

also it occurred to me that maybe part of why rob is clean-shaven this season is so they could do those prosthetics more easily?

those handprints though…. I hate everything

oh also just the bed scene. its existence

the zoomed in neck touch of course

“I’m not going to do it!” “..okay” dennis keepin his cool :)

mac’s shirt! COOLER HEADS PREVAIL

just the sheer silliness of inflatable furniture - is there some metaphor here lol?

in a general sense could inflates be taken to mean flanderizes? also maybe it’s just implied but I noticed I hadn’t actually seen anyone mention inflation as a sexual kink and like, that was part of the intention right? if so, 😎

charlie “uhhhhhhhh… yep.” poor charlie :( he doesn’t want to live in a maze (like a rat)

“well then you’re just like being a predator” :( so here for charlie calling out bullshit with frank and mrs. mac and even his own mom so far in these first two eps

charlie just giving up and yelling in frustration which is kinda what bonnie does in ep2 (and ep3 based on trailer)

the gross horny male objectifying thing 😎

rob put his whole pussy into this episode

charlie saying “I don’t get why he doesn’t take me seriously” and dee saying “that’s gotta be maddening” 🙃

cats in the alley my loves 😎

gluing dee a pillow on the wall <3

“consider it an offering” “of war??” this says so much. must everything be a conflict?

charlie’s hair looks so crazy and good in the sleepover scene and also he’s so smart

charlie asks frank to “return everything to the status quo” by the end of the episode, sitcom style. full reset, no progression. except charlie is asking that frank not endlessly take advantage of the fact that mac and den can’t figure their shit out, not totally push dee out just because it’s easy, not make light of the trauma charlie has from what happened to him. all that stuff IS the status quo! so what is he really asking for? this is one of the bits of writing that I think is also about the show as a show, and how they’ve approached these dynamics forever. 

it’s funny that people are saying this season is such a return to form because it is, but it’s also so much more self-aware of what that form is/was and how deeper elements can coexist within it. they’re really walking with a foot in both worlds here and they’re doing it well. love this for them and for us, the people who know what it’s always sunny in philadelphia is REALLY about

“we’ll take you to the hospital, and they’ll have nuts. and you can– you can die there.” hahahah

[mouseratz]

tagging game! tagged by @yarboyandy

-three ships

uhhhh. Off the top of my head. 1.lisacreature duh. the whole movie. they're not a healthy relationship but like they're fine they just destroy everything around them. i lurv it . also of fucking course I wanted a zombie boyfriend as a teenager. I won't lie to any of you

2. danbert bc gay people in my phone. classic case of toxic yaoi. so toxic I've been thinking about them for years. if only reanimator had like been gay on purpose we could've had it all

3. also based off of "what's in my camera roll". the evil scientists from mst3k are gay also. Dr Forrester and tvs frank.... is this even disputed. I don't care. I've known this since I was a child. "they're gay married and kill each other in looney tunes esque situations daily" feels like part of the character concepts.

-first ship

Inuyasha x Kagome, most likely. it's like one of the first obsessions I can remember where a show had like, a romantic throughline I cared about at all. although, to be fair, I was still mostly into the comedy and supernatural stuff, and this was Very Young.

-last song I listened to

I stumbled upon the tiny desk concert performance and well. I am not immune to popular things. chappell roan is pretty awesome. I love the videos and performances, but the pop music is also really solid, and I find myself enjoying it way more than expected. this songs good but I haven't listened to it a lot yet....my first time actually

-currently reading

Perry Mason and the Glamorous Ghost. I'm only like a chapter in. idk it was an impulse buy on my birthday because the cover was awesome. also pictured: my copy of Frankenstein. I read that in October. loved it

-currently watching

uhmmmm. still rewatching always sunny in Philadelphia. forever. watched a couple episodes of space ghost coast to coast earlier. I still want to keep watching twin peaks the return but I haven't because. idk. its hard to be me....

-relationship status

very incredibly single. it is very hard to date when u can't drive where I live. I mean it's hard in any circumstance but whatever shots I had are dust. would love to date sometime in my life possibly. I have been feeling that way for um. like four years now. so. we will see how that goes.

-current obsessions

Lisa Frankenstein, obvs.....my hobbies and such though? kind of in a slump. I've been like.....learning how to apply makeup for once for fun. I'm still very bad at it but idgaf it is what it is what's always made me uncomfortable about it was that it never "looked right" and I didn't want to be judged. instead of just treating it like a for fun thing. ie I want Colors On My Face I don't even cover up my acne atp. oh and the gender thing. like if I didn't do the makeup right I was being bad at being a girl. and now I do not have to worry about that at all.

-currently craving

like, food? um. I hope the brownies I made tonight taste good in the morning. I let them cool overnight so idk how they taste yet.

-favorite color

green, but I'm a big fan of what pink and black (I KNOW it's not a 'real color' IDC) and some shades of blue and yellow and orange have going on. I just like colors lmao

-tagging

hiiii I won't mind if you don't do it this is just a little shout-out okay :) @mahkari @jokeryuri @homokommari @mushroom-in-space

also anypony else who wants to do it can.....I won't be mad

[good-realtor-bad-realtor-dynamic]

First thoughts from just one watch under shitty circumstances with bad internet and worse sound:

RAMBLING FRANK vs RUSSIA THOUGHTS

I was very worried about this episode with how sacred the S5 DENNIS System episode is to us all. Didn't want a Thunder Gun 4 situation on our hands and thankfully they avoided it so hard! I think having the plot with Charlie, Frank, the mums, Uncle Jack and chess really helped out to make it feel more than a direct sequel.

SINNED -> DENNIS -> SINNED -> DENNIS — I'm so impressed with this. How did I, a wholeass Sunny fan, miss this for so long?! Three cheers to whoever came up with that inversion, really! Definitely something that happened in the writer's room and made everyone lose their shit for sure. I wonder who it was, could be Meg or another writer too, given how collaborative they all are!

And can I just say, Dennis the Restaurant Manager... oh how I love you so much! The Waitress is Getting Married is a personal favourite of mine and I wasn't expecting a bit of a redux of that whole situation.

I was so worried about all the "Mac getting a boyfriend and it being Ryan Reynolds" theories and I absolutely wanted none of that. Everyone had speculated it to death and it wouldn't have been fun anymore (not to mention I do not care for RR in my Sunny, I'm sure he's fine, but I don't need his and Rob's PR relationship filtering through into my dickandball show no I don't "find them cute" and I won't elaborate here anymore).

I know we'd guessed that Johnny could've been Dennis catfishing Mac, but it definitely felt like we were doing an Insane Fan Speculation more than anything — and for it to turn out to be correct! And in the best way, because we never could've seen the vibrating anal beads coming!! That's the best kind of "called it but it's still unpredictable".

It really broke my mind, this episode did. And don't even get me started on the Macdennis and queer Dennis of it all! As a longtime believer in Bisexual Dennis, I won so hard! All of us Queer Dennis Truthers won so fucking hard!

[Unpopular Take incoming] This is the first Sunny episode credited to Meg for writing that has felt so wholly "Classic Sunny" and super fuckin hilarious to me. I always appreciated her understanding of the characters and she's always a very solid writer, but this is the first time where I felt myself thinking ok, you she write RCG/Hornsby/Marder-Rosell/Chernins-level of an insane chaotic Sunny episode with multiple belly laughs and not just slightly Community-fied versions of the gang.

The closest her writing has felt like true Sunny to me before this was Dee Day, so I'm glad to see her grow and improve too, and I wonder if the podcast rewatch has helped in that regard! Must also help to have a classic S5 structure to play off in The D.E.N.N.I.S. System! (And ofc writing is collaborative, so well done to RCG and all the writers who pitched ideas and rewrites that ended up shaping this episode!)

I knew Heath Cullens directing meant a good chance of some interesting camerawork (and I've gotta say that even The Gang Inflates had some more dynamic shots than we've been getting in some of the later years and it's got to be the Cullens directing), but I wasn't expecting a whole visual callback to Being Frank! Loved it.

And the editing! The DENNIS System has always been great for cutaway gags and fun little inserts, so I loved seeing that carried out here with the cuts to Mac and Dee fucking up their dates and then finally pulling out the Magic Tissue of Mummy Issues (oh the potential for meta especially with the twins!). The pacing was so good!

Sunny pacing needs to feel like Mac crashing Dee's car into a wall while we are all Charlie watching it in real time and screaming when it's over.

Random strings of words because I'm too excited to be coherent:

Glenn's acting. His faces. His eyes. His range in this episode. Glacting. Juilliard. All the hits. All the big ones.

Mac and Dennis have canonically had sex in two different ways now, and yes, I'm including their sex tape/porn viewing sessions where they both masturbate together

Did Dennis pull out Mac's anal beads when he was asleep?

Vibrating fucking anal beads what the ACTUAL FUCK!

How many people did the gang drug again?

Danny DeVito with a vibrating asshole comedy acting 12/10 he's an international treasure for a reason

Dee stealing people's phones she's so stupid and bad at men. Never change Dee.

Uncle Jack though, pls change plz, I'm an IASIP loving degenerate so I laughed in horror at his creepiness ofc as I have since 1x7 but fucking hell man, can he be in his jail era already! Poor Charlie!

Hey, Charlie's got new America's just as we were promised on the pod

Oh I should make a post about everything we saw in this episode and that episode of the pod where they gave us all those hints, especially Meg talking about struggling with this cold open — added to the never-ending list of drafts and posts that will hopefully one day make it onto the blog yeah I'm lying to myself now

Parental issues everywhere this season, especially with the mums. Reynolds kids, I can't wait to lovingly put you under my microscope. Once I've rewatched this episode with good sound.

Also just in general, the SINNED system just says SO much about our babygirl's psychology, does it not? Why did so much of it sound like self-insert speeches, like he's been doing this to Mac or smt? Don't even talk to me about The Gang Chokes!

What does r/iasip have to say about— no, I'm in my happy place, I'm not even gonna go there.

Mrs Mac and Mrs Kelly watching TV together like that, they really are lesbian life partners.

Dennis blue shirt with top-stick between those buttons, my beloved. I am looking, respectfully.

And can we talk about the "opening the ketchup bottle" scene? We have to take about that scene! Dennis... he's ruining me... need to gnaw on him and suck on his fingers wait I'm browning out...

Sidenote: I love whenever the show references news stories which were super fucking big at a very specific time in a very specific niche, especially with my whole family being so chess-obsessed. The cheating scandals and anal bead… never thought I'd see a Sunny crossover but can't say I'm not loving the shit out of it!

[starlit-graves]

Top 7 Comfort Films Tag

@grotesque-hallucinations tagged me a while ago to share my comfort films. 💜

Pretty much all my favorite movies are romance, about music & bands, or ones from my childhood…

Singles (1992)

This is my favorite movie of all-time for over a decade now. I think it is just such a great depiction of dating & relationships and it has the absolute best soundtrack in the world. The escapism to 90’s grunge Seattle always appeals to me. 💙

History of the Eagles (2013)

A music documentary about one of my favorite bands in the world. Sunny 70’s California escapism, and incredible heartfelt stories and hilarious commentary from the men themselves. Love those guys so much. 💛

Field of Dreams (1989)

A childhood favorite for me. Just feels like summers as a kid, and good memories.

Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

Another childhood classic for me. 💜 The first Japanese animation I ever saw, that set me on the path to be the weeb I am today. I always identified a lot with Kiki and wanted to be like her when I grew up.

Almost Famous (2000)

More 70’s escapism. 💛 And my dream life of being a music journalist for Rolling Stone / groupie / following a band around the country.

A Cinderella Story (2004)

Growing up I was OBSESSED with Hilary Duff and this movie especially. It still holds up tbh and gives me that good dose of 2000’s teen movie nostalgia I need to get through life.

St. Elmo’s Fire (1985)

The plot of this movie is kind of a disaster, but I love every minute of it. There’s just something so rewatch-able about it (probably my obsession with the 80’s), plus I’m in love with Andrew McCarthy. 😩❤️ It has all the “coming-of-age” and “lost in our twenty-somethings” tropes that I never get tired of.

There are definitely more honorable mentions but these were the first that came to mind.

This was fun ^^ I’ll tag anyone who sees this and wants to participate!

[krippe90]

eight shows to get to know me. allegedly.

SHE tagged me, and I'm not gonna go full autism and make an essay about it.

Mr Robot - One of my all time favorites. It's about a drug-addled computer nerd who wants to break society. Very relatable. Also a masterclass in how to depict hacking on screen. Most of the hacks shown on the show is actually using tools that you'd use IRL to accomplish the same things.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia - One of the greatest comedy shows that's ever been. Unfortunately starting to lose it in these past 2-3 seasons (the show just looks too "polished" these days imo), but the humor is very much my brand.

The Simpsons - More specifically, seasons 1 - 14. I grew up on this shit. I can still quote whole seasons because of the DVD boxsets me and my brother got and rewatched 100's of times in our formative years. 50% of my personality is made up of Simpsons quotes.

Legion - Great show that's TECHNICALLY in the Marvel universe (but it's standalone from the rest of their shit if I remember correctly). Great cinematography, story, and performances throughout. With a very satisfying conclusion. Can not recommend enough. Also, watch it on LSD if you can.

Patriot - A prime original that flied under many radars, but it is seriously great. A black comedy about a secret operative who hates his job. It will make you cry and laugh throughout. Great stuff.

The Expanse - Superb Sci-fi with realistic space battles and a great story. First season is rough because of a lack luster budget but it's seriously great. Based on one of my favorite book series.

The Wire - One of my favorite "cop shows", something that I do not enjoy watching normally but this one is great. I still rewatch it every now and then. It's a cult classic for a reason.

Hjärnkontoret (translation: The Brain Office) - This is an old public service show that was meant to educate kids about scientific stuff in Sweden, such as how the body worked and the natural sciences, that I watched when I was 7 - 10 years old. You could write in with questions and it shaped my general trajectory in life. At first it made me want to be a "scientist", but an episode about computers when I was 8 made me interested in the topics of programming and computer science, and that interest never really faded later in life. I can remember most of what the episode was about even 25+ years later. Weird how one episode of one obscure Swedish Science-education show can shape one's interests to that degree.

To pass it on I'll tag @soilv @saipng @kuukigajan @yekokataa @facebook-reality @magnusdidntwantablog and whoever else wanna join

[talkingbl]

The Good and Bad of Semantic Error

CW: DISCUSSION ON DUBCON & HARASSMENT.

My second true Korean BL and...boy did it not disappoint. Let's start with....

The Good

The length. While nearly all popular kbls boast a 20-25 minute runtime, usually the runtime is not enough to get me invested in the characters. But here, the runtime works in tandem with the efficient story to create a constant-moving, low-fat viewing experience.

The acting. While not mind-blowing in the manner of a Gun Atthaphan or Wayne Song, both Seoham and Jaechan gave a strong showing. I completely believed in them 100% of the way.

The chemistry. So, I was not part of the Park Seoham + Park Jaechan hype train. I honestly avoided it at all costs because most k-dramas I've seen are absolute garbage water. But from the very first scene between the two you sense this depth of feeling. It's a chemistry quite unlike anything I've seen before. If I could describe it, I'd say that it's a twist on the classic push-and-pull/tsundere dynamic. I don't ever feel like Sangwoo actually hated or even disliked Jaeyoung. Instead, I feel like he always liked him but couldn't understand why. But that's just the genius of Sangwoo and I'm getting ahead of myself. For Jaeyoung, on the other hand, it's clear that he liked Sangwoo from the beginning, but, again, what I find interesting is the external manifestation toward Sangwoo. For example, Jaeyoung takes every opportunity to be in physical proximity to Sangwoo, even during the time he allegedly hated him. And he was not just close--he was smothering, touchy, concerned, and even visibly affected by all of Sangwoo's actions. Those were not the actions of a man in hate. Jaeyoung's sunny disposition, combined with Sangwoo's decidedly robotic one already created an intriguing dynamic, but when you add the words that had gone unspoken the sparks just flew.

Chu Sangwoo. Chu Sangwoo is a gem of a character portrayed sparklingly by Park Jaechan. I never read the Semantic Error manhwa but I know that Jaechan took Sangwoo and made him into something greater than the character on its face. Sangwoo is like a machine--he only thinks logically, he lacks emotional intelligence, and he treats relationships like means to an end. But underneath the cold, tough exterior, is a childlike naivete and open-mindedness that I believe has gone unnoticed. Sangwoo has a lot of depth to him. His single-mindedness comes off more as endearing than annoying but only because you know that he genuinely does not understand his own self, let alone his effect on others. I have so much to say about this character and on rewatch I'll probably come with a more nuanced study on him.

The setting. One thing about k-dramas is that the settings always seem real and lived-in. This actually worked to help viewers connect with our main characters, as without such a grounded world, we'd be hard-pressed to believe an over-the-top petty and spiteful Jaeyoung or a cripplingly robotic Sangwoo.

The skinship. I'm talking the first head pat, the first *real* kiss... There was something magical about their affection (probably the connection underlying it) and I demand 3 more seasons of it.

The Bad...with a twist.

Jung Jaeyoung is batshit (but like, I was entertained). This man STALKS Sangwoo, MOVES INTO THE APARTMENT RIGHT NEXT TO HIS, studies his every move, and harasses him for four days all because Sangwoo (rightfully) snitched on that ass. Who does that? Then he has the nerve to be upset when Sangwoo tears into that ass when he called himself being worried about Sangwoo. Not only that, but when Jaeyoung starts figuring out that he likes Sangwoo, he takes every opportunity to separate him from Jihye, finds reasons to get Sangwoo to do boyfriendy stuff with him, and basically just forces a confession out of Sangwoo. Like ??? Was nobody in this show seeing all the red flags? I'm not gonna lie it made the story entertaining. I'm just saying that in-universe Jaeyoung did so many questionable things that Sangwoo clearly didn't like. But here's the thing, unlike with shows like TharnType and other dubcon-heavy/crazy SO plotlines, I actually didn't mind it much? Like it made the show entertaining and I didn't feel like it was trying to normalize/romanticize dubcon/harassment. It was just showing it as part of this particular story. It's like, with, say KinnPorsche. Just because a bunch of people died in that show doesn't mean it's morally objectionable to watch it/be entertained by it.

[daisyneptune]

Hello, it’s Sunny! Good news, my Secret Santa gave me a visit yesterday. I like the fact we’re all classic rock blogs or fans. It does help us find something talk about and bond over. Other fandoms should do it too. So I see you like anime. I do too but I’ve been watching less lately. What shows do you like? Do you like Studio Ghibli films? I’ve watched quite a few of them myself starting with either Spirited Away or Kiki’s Delivery Service. They are so stunning visually. The music in them is wonderful too. As for shows, I didn’t watching them until I watched the original Fruits Basket show with my brother and then eventually Naruto and Naruto Shippuden (which I still haven’t finished). I’d like to hunt for new shows to watch so recommendations would be nice. :)

There’s another 60s band that reminds me of The Zombies called The Left Banke. They’re a lot more obscure but very very good. The lead singer also reminds me of Colin Blunstone a bit. They had good hits like Walk Away Renee, Pretty Ballerina, and Desiree. Shadows Breaking Over My Head is really good too.

I’ve never listened to 60s music from other countries besides US and UK. I’m curious to know what music in Japan sounded like. By the way do you have any favorite anime openings/endings or anime music in general? I really like the classic Pokemon theme song myself.

By the way, the types of history I love the most is US history, European history, and Ancient history (esp Greece, Rome, Egypt), film history, women’s history,and black history. This semester I took classes about The Holocaust, Modern Europe, and California History. Very interesting and but also very sad at times. How do you like your classes? What exactly do you learn in emergency management? My dad’s an EMT/Ambulance driver. I’m guessing you probably learn how to work with people like him. Anyways, I got class. Talk to you later! Bye! ☀️

I do like anime and manga! Most of the things I like are older, though. I'm pretty bad about keeping up with new things in all forms of media ;; I do like Ghibli films! Kiki's Delivery Service is probably my favorite. Right now, it's about the time of year I start wanting to rewatch Dear Brother, which is a gorgeously animated soap-opera-levels-of-melodramatic show from the early 90s. (It's based on a manga from the 70s, which is when shoujo melodrama was at its peak, so that explains it.) I feel like a grandma having to watch her "stories" when I put that one on. I can't stop watching!

Look at it! Even little moments like this just look so nice. :3

Ooh, I love the Left Banke and baroque pop from the 60s in general! Walk Away Renee was one of my favorite songs I heard on the oldies station as a kid, and Pretty Ballerina sometimes makes me legitimately emotional (but a lot of things do tbh).

Music in Japan in the 60s was a lot of covers of US/UK artists, but a lot of the time, lyrics were translated into Japanese. If you have Spotify, a few compilation albums you can check out are Monster A-Go-Go, Slitherama, Big Lizard Stomp!, and Sixties Japanese Garage-Psych Sampler. The first three have some weird interludes of music from kaiju films that the person who put the compilations together threw in, but they're still really good. Also, you can find whole albums by The Mops and The Tempters on there.

There are also some compilations put out a while ago called Nippon Girls (vol. 1 / vol. 2) and G.S. I Love You, which I found on YouTube. As far as music from all over, a compilation I really like is Nuggets II: Original Artyfacts from the British Empire and Beyond. I found that one on CD on eBay so I listen to it in my car sometimes.

I was always interested in natural disasters and things like that when I was a kid (I was a nerd who would read the 'what to do in case of emergency' manual we had at home), so I thought emergency management would be an interesting thing to pursue. Basically, emergency managers are the ones who create response plans for disasters in their areas, coordinate the response when the disaster does occur, and keep everyone up-to-date with the latest information gathered from people on the front lines (like EMTs). I'm good with organizing information and things like that, so I thought it would be a good fit.

Now that I've gone on for way too long ... I hope you have a lovely Wednesday and the rest of your classes go well!

[shewholovestoread]

Fear Street Trilogy Review

Beware, spoilers ahead.

I love horror movies but good horror movies are so hard to come by. Fear Street grabbed my attention as soon as they released the first trailer, it looked like a call-back to the slasher films of old, back when they were still good. And the best part was the apparent presence of lesbians, count me in!

Fear Street is based on the books by the same name by R. L. Stine, a lot of us remember Stine for another horror classic, Goosebumps. The Fear Street novels were aimed at older audiences and were way more bloody than Goosebumps- lots of teenagers dying. The films don’t adapt any particular book but rather the tone and rough setting and I think that works to its advantage.

The Setting:

Fear Street is based on the fictional town of Shadyside, the poorer and more unfortunate twin of its sister-town Sunnyside. Sunnyside is sunny, wealthy and where nothing bad ever happens. Shadyside in contrast is poorer, the homes more run-down and where, every few years, some resident snaps and goes on a murderous rampage, killing their own friends, family or whoever they can get their hands on. There are those who believe that Shadyside is cursed by Sarah Fier, a witch who was hanged in the 1600s when she cut off her hand and used it to curse the town.

Fear Street Part 1:

1994 functions like the introduction and set-up for the trilogy. It introduces us to the characters, Deena (Kiana Madeira), Sam (Olivia Scott Welch), Josh (Benjamin Flores Jr.), Kate (Julia Rehwald) and Simon (Fred Hechinger). They unwittingly trigger the curse when they stumble across the bones of Sarah Fiers, soon killers are chasing them, killing-machines powered by the curse and who can’t be killed. Deena, Sam, Josh, Kate and Simon have to put aside their differences and work together to survive the night.

Fear Street Part 2: 1978

1978 opens with the survivors of 1994 going to C. Berman (Gillian Jacobs), the lone survivor of the Camp Nightwing massacre. It provides insight into the massacre that saw dozens of Shadyside kids being killed. 1978 takes us back to the day leading up to the bloody night. We meet the Berman sisters, Ziggy and Cindy (Sadie Sink and Emily Rudd respectively), Alice (Ryan Simpkins) and Tommy (McCabe Syle) When an axe-wielding murderer starts butchering the camp residents, Cindy and Alice, while trying to escape, stumble into the cave system that runs under the camp and discover Sarah’s hand and that the only way to break the curse is to reunite the hand with her body. However, they are unable to break the curse when they realise that the body is not buried where they thought it would be. Alice, Cindy and Ziggy are killed by the cursed murderers with only Ziggy being revived thus being labeled the lone survivor. In the present day, Deena and Josh dig out the hand from where Ziggy and Cindy left it, when Deena reunites the hand with the body, she sees visions of Sarah Fiers, leading us into the third and final film.

Fear Street Part 3: 1666

1666, the year it all started. We see the events play out leading up to the hanging. Deena is inside Sarah’s body, seeing and experiencing her life as if it were own. We learn that it was never Sarah’s curse, but in fact it was the Goodes who had made a deal with the devil, securing power for themselves (their descendants are the mayor and sheriff in 1994) Sarah Fiers was just the scapegoat. Every time someone saw a vision of Sarah, she was trying to show them the truth and un-dead killers hunted them to keep them from exposing it.

The films work individually but their impact really hits home once you’ve watched all 3. Leigh Janiak crafts such an intricate story and links 3 time periods, weaving them through each other seamlessly. With 3 films, she also has the time to invest in these different time periods and the characters that inhabit them.

The story, both in terms of individual films as well as the trilogy as a whole, is engaging and engrossing. It keeps the audience on their toes and the edge of their seats, waiting and dreading as the bodies pile up. Janiak also grounds the story so that it feels real even as the characters are fighting off un-dead killers, adding to the nail-biting tension.

There’s plenty to admire for a horror film buff, from the Scream reference in 1994, to Friday the 13th in 1978 and The Witch (or VVitch) in 1666. There’s also a good amount of gore to be found along with some really inventive ways of killing, who knew bread cutters/slicers could be so menacing.

There’s so much attention to detail in terms of costume and production design that you really feel like you’re in 1994, 1978 or even 1666. All of these work to draw you in as the viewer, adding to the authenticity on screen. The clothes and places feel lived-in. The song choices are amazing with popular hits from 1994 and 1978, the soundtrack definitely elevates the visuals. The original score in 1666 was absolutely gorgeous, especially Deena and Sam’s theme.

The sequence of the films with 1994 being the first, followed by 1978 and finally 1666 was a great choice with each film revealing a little more of the puzzle till all the pieces are revealed in 1666. It keeps the tension alive and keeps the characters and the audience constantly guessing. It also allows Janiak to sprinkle just enough subtle clues that become apparent when rewatching the films.

The characters are one of the best things in the trilogy, they are so well written, and I mean that for almost all of the main cast which is rare. One of the best things that Janiak does is repeat actors, especially the principle cast. For instance, a lot of actors we see in 1994 and 1978 appear in 1666 playing different roles but with a similar dynamic. It helps tell the story without worrying about too many new faces and worrying about whether or not the audience will be able to keep track of them. The return of old faces also ensures that the audience is already a little invested in them and their well-being.

Small side-note: I really appreciated that there was no sexual violence. It always worries me when I start a horror show/film and it was such a relief that they did not go that route. There is a lot of violence and a lot of people and kids die but it’s always just slightly campy enough that keeps it from being genuinely disturbing.

One of the things that always irk me with slasher films (especially the old ones) are how white they were, no characters of colour and if there were any, they always died. There were also no queer characters. Fear Street undoes that beautifully, all of our main characters are outsiders, they are people of colour, they are queer. In another film, they would have been nameless characters, among the first to die. Here they are the heroes. I loved all of them and I hated that Alice, Kate and Simon died, to be honest, I expected the core group to survive, Kate especially.

Fear Street is also unapologetically feminist and Janiak does this without it being too obvious. The central conflicts in the story are between women (sister/ friends/ ex-girlfriends) but they also band together and fight for each other. It’s worth noting that most of the core relationships are between women (Deena-Sam, Ziggy-Cindy-Alice, Sarah-Hannah) and those are not coincidences.

I loved how gay this trilogy was, Deena and Sam’s love for each other was the driving force and was at the heart of the story. Even in 1666, Sarah’s crime was not so much witchcraft as it was daring to love someone you’re not supposed to and fighting back against the proprietary nature of the men who sought to control them. Sarah and Hannah loved each other fiercely and we see that same love reflected hundreds of years later in Deena and Sam who fight for each other relentlessly. I also appreciated that Deena and Sam were exes instead of a new relationship. It meant that they already had history, they shared a familiarity and comfort with each other that a new relationship would have had to build onscreen.

The Fear Street Trilogy is one of the best horror trilogies I’ve seen in a while, each film is consistently great and delivers gore and violence coupled with immense heart. It has one of the best queer relationships I’ve seen on screen and spoiler alert, they get a happy ending. I’m sick and tired of lesbian women dying or separating because of realism. Damn realism, give me happy women loving women and who live through their traumatic ordeal. Watch Fear Street for them if for nothing else. Now excuse me as I prepare to rewatch the trilogy.

[popwasabi]

“End of Evangelion” and the tempting nature of oblivion

(TW: Suicide, Self-harm, Pain, Depression, Mental Health, Death)

“End of Evangelion” is a perplexing movie to say the least.

Not that the original classic anime “Neon Genesis Evangelion” series ends on exactly the most conclusive note itself, but “End” takes everything that transpired in the series and literally destroys it.

The films ends with Earth experiencing the long foreshadowed Third Impact and all of the planet returning to the primordial “soup,” as fans call it, with its main protagonist Shinji Ikari and comrade Asuka Langley Soryu as the only remaining humans left. A pseudo, twisted rebeginning of Adam and Eve’s Genesis.

The film is fairly divisive among the fans to say the least. Some fans consider it a masterpiece for its nihilistic tone and mind-bending illustrations of body horror and others despised it for being too dark and confusing with no clear explanation of anything that happened in the film’s events. Hell, even the movie’s fans have a difficult time explaining what exactly happens in the narrative.

I was somewhat in the middle with it after I watched it the first time not super long ago. It was certainly abstract, and I like plenty of stories that don’t make it easy for me to understand. The animation is definitely the franchise’s best and I enjoyed the character moments between Shinji, Asuka, and Misato. But it was also, as stated before, dreadfully confusing and still to this day hard to makes heads or tails out of with its plot.

But, as with more than a few movies I have revisited this year, 2020 helped me contextualize one aspect I think the story is concretely trying to get across.

(We’ll save discussion of “Rebuild” for another day...)

At my lowest points not long ago, I had this frequent vision that would crawl across my mind.

I imagined being up in the clouds on a beautiful sunny day, but I wasn’t floating or flying. I was plummeting, falling like a bird without wings at a speed that would definitely kill me once I got to the ground. But I never imagined actually hitting the Earth like a meat-bagged, human sized asteroid. I only ever imagined the falling part. The wind reaching a terminal velocity and the air rushing past my body and you know what look I had on my face?

Happiness.

I was confused a bit by why I kept imagining this moribund fall into oblivion over and over again. I wasn’t suicidal, though I certainly have had thoughts of self-harm plenty of times before and general detachment from life. But why the fuck was I so happy? I’m about to die after all!

What I have come to realize in recent years, as I’ve developed a better understanding of my mental health and what makes me tick, it wasn’t that I wanted to die so much as I wanted the freedom that comes moments before it. The feeling of finally letting go and letting fate/gravity do the rest.

Years of my life failing at various aspects of societal expectations and career obligations from not being able to get the girls I wanted to date so badly, relationships ending poorly, not quite applying myself the way I should’ve in college, and working a plethora of unfulfilling jobs since graduation made me yearn for that release. Just that feeling of saying “fuck it all” and giving in to the void.

I wanted to stop feeling out of control. The way the world is structured often feels like you are on a wild, rapid river flowing in one very stark direction but you desperately want to go the other way. You keep fighting and fighting it and realize after a while you are just swimming in place, you tire out and either float where the river wants you to go or you drown. I wanted neither of those things, I just wanted control and unfortunately part of life is accepting that a very large percentage of it is beyond your power to alter.

2020 made this feeling starkly apparent once again as we were hit with a once in a lifetime global pandemic that has killed 2.21 million people and counting. As common people struggle to find ways to handle the loss of loved ones and the fallout from economic instability those tasked with protecting us have more or less ignored the cries of needy. Hell, they’re fucking miffed that we would even have the audacity to ask for $2000 of our own fucking tax dollars to put a band-aid on the situation. Combine this with an extremely volatile two-party system and late stage capitalism, we are about as out of control as ever in terms of how much we actually can course correct our destinies in a period like this.

It is why so many irony-pilled millennials and gen z-ers are posting dank memes about meteors colliding with the earth over the course of the year. We’ve lived through two recessions, two forever wars, and now a pandemic in our lifetimes while paying off our crippling debt with slave wages and yet boomers still wonder why we are near universally depressed as a generation.

(Seriously, everybody needs a fucking therapist right now...and also to dismantle the fucking system that’s making us depressed!)

This is what I feel is the real heart of “End of Evangelion.” The movie is a lot of things, obviously, but, after the events of this year and looking back on the more depressing parts of my life, I feel this film is about the tempting nature of oblivion. Giving up when things are clearly beyond your control so you can get that sweet but twisted, fleeting sense of freedom from it all.

Director Hideaki Anno didn’t feel too entirely different about the state of life when he made this series and certainly by the time he made “End” he was in a very dark place.

So, quick history lesson, “Neon Genesis Evangelion” debuted in 1994 and quickly became a classic among fans of anime and the giant mech vs monster genre. Critics loved it for its exploration of mental health and depression and of course plenty enjoyed the hell out of it for its giant monster/robot escapism as well. Fast forward to the conclusion of the series, critics and fans especially are far more polarized. I won’t try to explain exactly what happens in the ending and frankly I don’t think anyone can, but that confusion led to quite a bit of outcry by the fans.

Hideaki Anno, the series’ director, received tons of hate mail and death threats following the series conclusion. The fans hated how abstract it was, how it had an undecisive ending and chose to dive into the mind of Shinji instead of conclusively describing the events of the Third Impact with plenty going as far as to say he had “ruined” his own series for them. This made him unfortunately quite depressed himself over the ending he felt creatively fairly content with.

(I think it should be clear who Shinji is mostly likely a stand-in for in this anime...)

The fan reaction was toxic to say the least and all too familiar for many creatives who didn’t adequately satisfy the insatiable vapid needs of their fandom. Anno did not take this well to put it lightly. A man who was known as a delinquent in high school and expelled from the Osaka University of Arts much earlier in his life, and dealt plenty with his own bouts of depression, Anno had plenty of his own demons to sort out and quite clearly wanted to explore that mental state in “Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

I’ll be honest and say that I myself was not fond of the ending either when I watched it the first time as a freshman in college, and even went as far as to describe it as everything that was wrong with anime to friends in the years that followed for a while. I felt it was confusing and “fake deep,” existential for no reason other than because it just wanted to and people were “dumb” if they liked it.

When I rewatched it again as a much older adult when it came on Netflix last year, I found it much more fascinating and interesting. A sort of abstract introspective into the mind of a troubled teenager, who I had written off many years prior as a “whiny baby.” Though I wouldn’t say I completely understand it still, I get it much more now and I think it has a lot to say about depression and mental health.

Unfortunately, most fans did not have that reaction back then and as a result Anno made his true conclusion “End of Evangelion” as a response to that negativity.

(You’re welcome, nerds.)

As mentioned before, “End of Evangelion” is an extremely nihilistic film that seems to one up each dark moment as you traverse its spiraling narrative. It’s a film where things never get better. If you go into it blind expecting that big last minute heroic save the day moment, it’s always teased and never comes. Things just end very badly for everyone. Nobody gets a “happy ending.”

While the ending to the original series is strange for sure, it does end on a light note that can be interpreted in a number of different ways but ultimately positive. With the way fans reacted to it Anno decided to write a big “fuck you” to them by, in many ways, smashing his toys so no one could play with them again. He even went as far as to splice in the actual hate mail he received into the movie to quite clearly show to the audience, as their favorite characters met their grissly ends, that this was their fault.

(“Gee, I wonder what that was all about.” ~ a fan walking out of the theater back in 1997.)

In a way though, Anno created something strangely beautiful from that reaction. “End of Evangelion” is about giving up in some ways and accepting our inevitable doom. There are no easy answers, no workable solutions to achieve a happy ending because sometimes in life there isn’t one. Despite last ditch efforts by Misato, Shinji, and the crew of NERV the world still ends through the Third Impact. But tonally it’s not quite pessimistic; it’s actually positive, in a very twisted sense of course.

Set to the song “Komm Susser Tod” by ARIANNE, the film’s apocalypse can almost be described as a celebration. With people “popping” and turning into the primordial soup they all largely have smiles on their faces as they kind of get what they want whether it’s a desire to reunite with loved ones, to be with people they have crushes on, or happiness that they have sought for so long in the embrace of others. Everyone’s depressed! But now they are happy because it’s finally all over, they don’t have to give a shit anymore.

As the planet lights up like a Christmas tree, there are images of suicide and death that rapidly cross the screen in the form of the Angel’s final transformation but again, nobody is truly sad about it. They all have some kind of twisted smile or joy that they get from it. It’s a shocking film, if you’re not already prepared for what’s going to happen, and provocative to say the least.

(Can’t decide if I recommend watching this high or not...)

I had no idea what any of it meant at the time when I watched it several years ago (I watched it well after I had seen the original series), and to be fair there are many ways fans have interpreted what exactly took place in the film and have debated endlessly on its meaning for decades now. But at least in my interpretation, after everything we’ve been through this year, “End of Evangelion” to me is about the sweet release of not giving a fuck anymore.

Whether it’s about Anno feeling that way about his own life or the expectations of his fans or both, the film quite clearly doesn’t care about what people may or may not have wanted for Shinji and the NGE characters and is perfectly fine with the way it all comes “tumbling down.”

(He just wants to be with his boyfriend, guys.)

This past July 4th, city fireworks shows were prohibited in my area because they wanted to limit mass gatherings due to COVID but this didn’t stop people from buying plenty of their own to fire off. In what amounted to a collective “fuck you” to everything and 2020, beginning pretty much exactly at dusk people started firing off their at home lightshows like they were mortar gunners in World War I and did not let up until well past midnight. The entire Southern California night sky was lit up not to unlike the thousands of crosses that filled the screen during the Third Impact of “End of Evangelion” and though it could certainly be interpreted as a moment of people patriotically going “Yea, America!” that night, my head canon was much different. It felt like tens of thousands of people across the region just saying “Fuck it” into the night sky at everything; COVID, our horrendous government, police violence, pending World Wars, environmental disaster, and our collective impending doom from it all.

As these fireworks hit their zenith around 9pm I broke out my phone and started playing “Komm Susser Tod” from the movie and it felt perfect. Everyone just wanted to feel that freedom in the moment, that freedom of not giving a damn anymore. To be removed from expectations, from control, from hatred, from pain and it was kind of beautiful in a sick way.

And that’s what “End of Evangelion” feels like to me now; kind of beautiful in a sick way.

(Not saying the LA skyline looked like this exactly but it felt like it haha...)

There are still many ways to interpret Hideaki Anno’s cult classic, and it’s part of its charm but I think the take away fans should have is definitely not that suicide is ok but that we get it. We understand why people have those feelings and why it feels freeing to desire the void and oblivion. It’s a pity that the series most toxic fans didn’t get that clue through the original finale but Anno, not a person who likes  being shoved around, clearly created perhaps the most twistedly beautiful “fuck you” to that in anime history.

As we enter 2021 all I can say is it’s ok to feel like this, it’s ok to desire freedom from the relentless gloom and doom of the world and people’s prying expectations of what they think you “should” be. No one blames you. At the end of the day, we’re all just trying to survive the apocalypse we have zero control over, so the least we can do is be a bit nicer and considerate of one another. 

At least it’ll make the Third Impact more pleasant whenever it eventually comes...

Happy New Year, everyone! 

Congratulations on surviving 2020! Have fun in 2021...

[longeyelashedtragedy]

tagged by @saint-dominik-of-zadar to post my 7 comfort movies and tag 7 people.

like you i don’t rewatch most movies so i will post a mix of movies and other media!

1. the producers (1967) my all-time rewatched movie, as i’ve said before i have watched it so many times that i have it memorized.  it’s just...my everything lmao the remake was such a disgrace (other than having uma thurman in it)

2. le dîner de cons...this fuckin french comedy from the 90s makes me laugh so hard lmao

3. it’s always sunny in philadelphia...the classic seasons 1-5 and then a couple select few episodes from other seasons (like “frank reynolds’ little beauties” dear lord...actually season 7 has a bunch of good ones)

4. youtube channels like reallifelore that focus on weird geographic facts and stuff like that

5. i like the hitc sevens channel especially the videos he does about different teams/football federations around the world

6. safiya nygaard’s “the internet made me buy it”/other clothing challenges videos

7. football podcasts! the only podcasts i fuck with lol 

tagging: @loveroflightandsun @amethyst-fox-jv @inked-footballers @ajax-daughter-of-telamon @apprenticemockingbird and YOU if you want to do it

[saturn-mp4]

The Aesthetic Tag

Rules: Bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

(soft!) baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal| fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

(dark academia!) neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

(edgy!) closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

(seventies!) colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

(preppy casual!) collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time| frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

@thelivebookproject endless summer sunny days | reading book after book after book | singing in the car | braids on wet hair | visiting ancient buildings and imagining life there | going berry picking | bullet journaling | making list after list after list | wanting to be sociable but too solitaire to make it work | having too many blankets on the bed | being fascinated by languages| shouting at TV debate shows | long silent winter evenings | playing classical piano | bad puns | wishing for change but being scared of it | dainty jewelery | foggy glasses over a cup of tea

@psychedaboutstudying warming your feet to a bonfire late summer evenings | writing in the sand to let the waves wash it away | oversized woolen socks | two messy buns | getting lost in music played through big headphones | reading twelve books at the same time | office job during the week punk rock on the weekends | imagining you’re in a music video when in the car | wooden decor pieces | planning as a hobby | women in suits | animal printed everything | colour-coded annotated research papers | fluffy sweaters and steaming hot tea in the winter | karaoke night at your friends’ home | guilty pleasures spotify lists | self-education | long high-waisted skirts | endless curiosity | sitting on the floor

@booknerdphd messy buns | baggy sweaters | black leggings | constant background lo-fi music | multiple downloads of the same paper in multiple folders | drinking all beverages from a mug (even alcohol) | cloudy days and heavy rains | the smell of air before it rains | diligent at work lazy at home | visiting art and history museums | 16 oz thermos flask to fill with coffee at any given time | sneakers and ankle length socks | denim jackets | sad song playlists forever | consumes entertainment in 4 (or just multiple) different languages | singing in the apartment like you’re singing in the shower

@phdead high heel boots | flannel | messy bun | wearing the same piece of jewelry | asymmetric earrings | speed walks everywhere | but refuses to jog/run | long colourful nails | space buns | motivated by challenges | cherries | doesn’t like flowers | summer rain | chocolate covered strawberries | scared of heights | ties | shifts between aesthetics | cozy blankets and campfires |  thrifting | cleans to procrastinate

@evenrosespeaks french press coffee in the mornings | pj pants constantly at home | a “to-read” stack of books | story-rich video games | dried flowers | endless houseplants | floral dresses | fancy pens | hand-written to-do lists | scared of failure | chain drinking tea | lavender scented rooms and clothes | inbox zero| tries to resist clutter but ultimately fails | cardboard boxes instead of a bookshelf | lots of windows | dragging out things that I don’t want to end | wool coats | muted/dusty colors |  watching the rain from indoors.

@schleiereule94 eating too much chocolate | owls | the scent of cake/cookies in the oven | blasting loud music to destress | a clean desktop with only one folder named “documents” | “report_final_Version_final_current_really_final_version_7″ | hair ties in every corner of the house | leather leggings | long evening walks | watching the dogs in the park | heavy wind before a thunderstorm | the scent of the warming river in spring | overexcitement about travelling somewhere new | jumping around when happy or excited | going on your sibling(s) nerves but in a cute way | hugging trees | broken phone screen | colourful mandalas | aching muscles after workout | language confusion when switching from one to the other

@biomedstudyblr14 being tired but not going to bed til 2am | drinking 3 cups of tea in a row | listening to obscure artists | liking music at totally different ends of the spectrum | unbrushed hair | odd socks | loud | drama queen | could eat pizza every day | studies too much | hates children | does exercise but stays skinny | loves reed diffusers in their room | favourite scent is coconut | Wears trainers with every outfit | Watched youtube to understand lectures better | Can’t drive | Has ears pierced but never wears earrings | No makeup | Stationary hoarder

@saturn-mp4  flannels thrown over chairs | rainbow books | candles lighting up a room | iced coffees | wanting to play instruments but never learning | having the urge to go on walks at 2 am | uncontrolled laughing | being a dork but also having an old soul | multiple journals on the go at the same time | dancing around your room blasting music | hugs | endless ambition | a sea breeze | studying until 3 am in summer | running into the sea | slang | puppy energy |

[bella-spil]

2 Romeos & 1 Juliet- Part 5

Part 5.  Fem reader.  Bucky takes reader on second date.

Warnings: implied smut, cursing, drug use.  (definitely a darker story, but I didn't make it too dark, so don’t worry.)

Word Count: 4.2k

Taglist: @angrythingstarlight​ @sea040561​ @kmuir1​ @wednesday-add-em​ (join the list, it’s small, but the more the merrier!)

A/N: sry @kmuir1​ that this took so long.  I Didn’t have time, the usual.  But enjoy!  Sry bout the photo, I thought it was part 4, but its 5. shit

(day of second date with Bucky Barnes)

You had woken up this morning, tired at first but full of energy when you realised what day it was.  You practically jumped out of bed.  Your excitement alone was your energy source as you took a shower, got dressed and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

When you got to the kitchen, you found Loki making breakfast, surprisingly.  Steve, Tony and Thor were waiting patiently for the food.  Tony was arguing with the two of them for not knowing who AC/DC was.

“Are you fucking kidding me?  What is wrong with you people?  Y/N, please tell me you know who they are?” Tony pleaded.

“Mr. Stark, they have some of my favorite songs so of course I know them,” you said.

“See?  She knows,” Tony smirked.

“I am not of Earth, so of course I won't know this AC/DC person,” Thor said.

“Yeah Tony, and I was under ice for 70 years,” Steve argued back.  Tony just said there and placed his hand on his face, not even trying to hide the disappointment on his face.  You giggled as you prepared yourself a plate.

“Hello there, Y/N,” Loki greeted.

“Morning, since when do you make breakfast?” you asked.

“Since I feel like it,” Loki smirked.  He was making french toast and sunny-side-up eggs, and he was in a very cheerful mood.  You found this odd since Loki was never a morning person and he hated cooking.  And when you looked back to Thor, you could tell he was thinking the same thing.

As soon as Loki finished making the food, Bucky stumbled out of bed.  He was still a little tired, and his long hair was sticking out everywhere.  But as soon as he smelled the food, his dark mood lifted and he rushed to get food.  All of the boys were trying to get as much food as they could, shoving as much as they could on their plates.  But then, they remembered that you were up as well.

“Oh sorry Y/N,” Steve shrugged. “Here, take some of mine.  I know that Tony and Bucky won’t share.”  

“Thanks Steve,” you chuckled.

Steve and Tony were talking while they were eating about an upcoming mission while Thor and Bucky were having a competition to see who could eat the fastest.  Bucky, of course, won with ease, but Thor was pretty close behind.  You and Loki were giggling to yourselves as you watched them.  

“Hey, Reindeer, can I get some water?” Bucky asked, out of breath from eating so much in so little time.  Loki nodded and went over to the cabinet to get the glass.  When he gave Bucky the glass, he had a weird look on his face.  But he always did, he was the God of Mischief for Pete’s sake.  

About an hour later, Bucky was not in his best shape.  He was more tired than normal, he looked like he was going to throw up, and just a complete mess.

“Bucky are you ok?” you asked at lunchtime, where Bucky didn't even touch his plate.

“I’m, I'm fine doll,” Bucky said.

“Not your not, you're burning up!” 

“Doll, I’m fine.  I'm not canceling my date with you,”

“Barnes, go get some rest.  It's ok, you can pick a day when you're feeling better.” you assured him.  His eyes were full of embarrassment.  He felt bad that he had to feel his worse on his date with you.  But he listened to you and you led him to his room.

You helped him get into bed.  You tucked him in and pressed your lips to his forehead, giving him a well deserved kiss for comfort.  As your lips left his forehead he gave you a smile before he closed his eyes and rested.  You could tell he was going to be out for the rest of the day, so you went to your room to relax for the rest of the night.

~~~

At about 4:00 pm, you were rewatching Stranger Things when a knock on the door interrupted.

“Who is it?” you grunted.

“Bucky, open up!” Bucky said through the door.

You did as he said and opened the door for him.  You didn't expect him to look so refreshed.  He looked the complete opposite of himself from earlier.  His hair was groomed, he wasn’t in his pajamas, and he looked full of energy.

“Hey doll, I just wanted to let you know that I feel much better and we can go on your date now,” Bucky said.

“Wait are you sure?  You didn't look good this morning,” you said, concerned.

“I’m sure Y/N, now get ready.  We are leaving in two hours.” Bucky said.

“Hold it Buck,” you said, grabbing the sleeve of his shirt before he left you there.  “Where are we going?”

“If you want to know so badly, we are going to a 40's diner, so wear something vintage.” Bucky smiled before heading to his room to get ready. 

You smiled and headed into your room to look as vintage as possible.  You went through your closet for the closest thing you could find that looked like it was from the 40’s.  But then you remembered for Halloween one year that you were a swing dancer with Nat and Wanda and you found your old costume.  It was a white and black dress.  It had a black collar and it was off the shoulder.  When you spinned around in it, it moved with you, catching the wind and giving a vibrant and lively flare.  

You also were able to find a pair of low, black pumps that complimented the dress perfectly.  And to add a little kick, you put on a pair of ruby earrings that Tony gave to you for your birthday last year.  

Then, you moved on to your makeup.  You had to look up YouTube videos for what type of makeup women wore back then.  But your eyes were set on a look that looked simple yet elegant, perfect for tonight.  The makeup artist looked so natural that it took your breath away.  She had on light amounts of foundation, blush and highlighter.  The only things that stood out were the bright, red lips and the wing of black eyeliner.  You also knew that you didn't have any red lipstick, but you knew someone that did.  Natasha.  So you sent a text to her, asking her to give you the lipstick and help you with your hair and makeup.  A few minutes later she responded, saying she would help and be at your room in 10 minutes.

“Open up!  I have your stuff!” Nat shouted.  You chuckled to yourself before opening the door for her.  

“You ready, girl?” Nat said after giving you a hug.

“Yes ma’am,” you nodded.

“Bathroom now.  We gotta get you all dolled up,” Nat said.  

She led you into the bathroom where she had you sit on the edge of the bathtub while she prepared the makeup and hair tools.  You also gave her a photo for some help, to give her an idea of what you wanted.  She studied the photo for a minute before working her magic.

“Nat?” you asked as she was working on your eyeliner.

“What? Don't move or you'll mess me up,” she said, trying to focus.

“How do you know if you want to be with someone for the rest of your life?” you asked.

Nat took a deep breath, not sure of how to explain.

“Well, I only act like I know everything.  But I do know one thing.” Nat started.  

“If you are with someone, but you only like them just because everyone else does, or because you feel like you have to, it won’t work.  Nothing like that lasts forever.  But if someone that you like makes you feel nothing like that, you know that that person is special.

“That special someone should make you always feel happy, or at least try to make you feel happy when you're not.  You should feel important, special, confident, and happy whenever you are with them and whenever you think of them.  That person should love you for who you are and not force you to be something else.  If they do, that's not true love.” Nat explained as she finished taking your hair out of curlers.  

“Thanks, Nat,” you smiled.

“Anytime, hun,” Nat grinned.

“One last thing.  How can you tell that someone wants to be with you for the rest of your life?”

“Well, they will do anything for you.  Even if it means they die trying.  They will make you feel amazing and everything you want to feel with them.  But they will have a certain look in their eyes that explains it slightly better than I can.  Slightly.  But even if they dont show it 100% of the time, you should know deep in your heart that they love and care about you.”

“Now look in the mirror,” Nat said, applying the final touches.  As you saw yourself in the mirror, you gasped and covered your mouth with your hands.

“Don’t do that!  You'll ruin the lipstick!” Nat panicked, taking your hands off.  You giggled and checked every detail that changed.  Your hair was in a classic curled look.  The curls were unnatural looking, but they looked a lot more neater.  Your makeup was flawless and the whole look was something from a movie.  You looked like Marilyn Monroe, but a more modern version. 

“Wow.  Natasha, thank you! Thank you thank you!!” you squealed.

“Of course, hun.” Nat smiled.  “Now, go out there and finish the job.  Go show Barnes what he will get if he wins you over.”

“Thanks Nat,” you sighed as Nat smirked.  You opened the door and went downstairs but the doorway again with Nat behind you.  When you got there, Tony, Steve and Sam were eating dinner.

“Who is that?” Sam said, shocked at your sudden change in style.  He gave you a little cheer, which made you blush.

“Damn girl,” Tony said, giving you a whistle of approval.

“Wow Y/N.  You look like all the girls from the 40’s.  Just better.” Steve smiled.

“All the girls that swooned over you or the ones that rejected you?” Nat snickered.  Sam and Tony were laughing their asses off while Steve gave Nat a death glare.  She just smiled and winked at you.

“Wow,” Bucky said.  He was waiting by the doorway, like last time, but you didn't see him at first since Steve, Tony and Sam were distracting you.  He had on a white T-shirt and dress pants with black suspenders.  And of course, he had his signature dog tags on.  He also had a box of chocolates and a bouquet of white roses for you.  His hair was tied back into a man bun and he shaved his light stubble.  Overall, he looked very different than what you were used to seeing.  He looked neater, more put together, and very happy.  Also out of breath from seeing you.

“Hi Bucky,” you said as you walked over to him.

“You look like something from heaven, sugar,”

“Not too shabby yourself, Barnes.” you smiled back.  

“You’re such a dreamboat,” Bucky gushed, taking your hand and leading you to the car.

“So are you,” you blushed.  He smiled back at you and gave you a kiss on the cheek before opening the car door for you.  

While you were in the car, Bucky put on some old songs that he grew up with.  Most of them you didn't know, but they were all great songs.  He was singing along and smiling, making you laugh and join in with him.

Then a little bit later, you guys made it to the diner.  Bucky was being very polite, opening the door for you, and always saying “ladies first.”  You always found yourself blushing around the Winter Soldier, and it was kinda annoying because you did it so much.  As you made your way inside, a waitress led you to your table for the night.  

While walking to the table, you found yourself looking at every corner of the diner.  Tons of red, cushioned bar stools, the checkered tiles, an old jukebox with tons of records to choose from.  Everything about this place looked like a movie set.  It was so old yet full of life.  And tons of people filled the tables, all in a good mood.  You and Bucky made it to the table, smiling and looking at some old school menus.

“So doll, what will it be?” Bucky asked, clearly already knowing what he wanted. 

“Well I don't know, what do you think is good?” you asked.

“If I were you, I wouldn't leave here without a milkshake.  But, I would get the meatloaf.  Here, they make it so it doesn't taste like liver.” Bucky said.

“Liver?” you asked.  “Ok fine.  And I am definitely going to get a milkshake.”

Then a few minutes later, the waitress gave you both a glass of water and took your orders.  Her name was Nancy, and she was a very sweet old lady.  She had short, curly, gray hair, glasses and rosy cheeks.  She looked like Mrs. Claus.

“What is the weirdest thing you ate in the 40’s, because the liver sounds pretty bad,” you mocked.

“There’s one thing that will gross you out.  And it's worse than liver,” Bucky grinned.

“Oh lord,” you sighed.

“Jello,” Bucky said.

“Jello?” you asked.  “Seriously?”

“No, no.  It's not the jello you're thinking of.  It kinda is though but it's worse.” Bucky said.

“Why is it worse?”

“Because jello was eaten for every meal.”

“Every meal?  Even dinner?”

“Even dinner,” Bucky said.  “They even had chicken jello where they would put chicken and tons of vegetables inside.”

“Bucky stop, I'm gonna throw up on you,” you laughed.

“Don’t you do that,” Bucky teased.

Before you knew it, your dinner was served.  Bucky also got meatloaf like you, but it wasn’t only meatloaf.  There was a side of mashed potatoes and it came with a side of gravy to pour on top.  As soon as you put a piece in your mouth, you knew you wouldn't be able to stop.  It tasted too good to be true, like a Christmas dinner.  When you finished, you felt your dress getting tighter on your stomach and you knew it wouldn't be too long before one of the seams popped.

“Doll, do you wanna dance?” Bucky suddenly asked.

“What?”

“Do you wanna dance?”

“I don't dance, and I don't know how people in the 40’s danced.” you said.

“I’ll show you how,” Bucky smiled.

“I’d hate to step on your shoes,” you teased.

“Don’t worry if you do.  I might be a little outta sync as well.” Bucky said.

“Fine, just give me a minute.  I gotta go to the restroom.”  you said getting up from your seat.

Bucky smiled at you as you left.  He was just waiting for the moment when you said, “I love you Bucky.”  He just hoped that he could convince you before “That son of a bitch Loki” did, as Bucky would call him.  

As you were in the bathroom, Bucky looked around the room to make sure that nobody was looking at his table.  He wanted to be as discreet as possible.  Just like he was when he was the Winter Soldier.  His Winter Soldier skill set kicked in as he took one final swing of the room.  

Then he looked into his pocket and pulled out a tiny plastic bag.  It had something white and small inside, shaped like a pill.  Bucky has this pill to help him cope with his days as the Winter Soldier, but tonight this little pill had another use.  

Rohypnol, also known as roofies, forget-me-pill and R-2, and one of the top three Rape Drugs in the world.  This drug is like Xanax, but it is approved for medical use, making it easier to get.  Easier to use on others.  It makes people feel very sleepy, confused and they can often forget what happened when it kicks in 30 minutes later and stays like that for hours on end.  It also lowers your defenses, meaning you wouldn't be able to use your powers against him or attack him in any way until the drug wore off.  

When you put it in a drink, it's often colorless and it doesn't have a taste or smell, perfect for knocking out enemies without them knowing.  It can also make the person who took the drug feel weak and have trouble breathing, making it harder to move their body.

The perfect drug to claim you as his.  Once and for all.

When Bucky put the R-2 in your drink, he felt his old, evil, torn apart come back from the dead.  The Winter Soldier in him resurfaced for the time that you were gone, alive and well like the Devil.  His grin stretched further than the Grinch’s and the bubbles fizzing in the cup only fueled his desires even more.  As he was basking in his glory, the song “Feeling Good” by Michael Buble started playing in the background.  He felt like the ultimate super villain in that one moment.  Nothing, absolute nothing could top this moment for him.

When you came back from the bathroom, you felt more refreshed.  You came back to a happy Bucky, happier seeing you back in front of him than when you were gone.  

“Miss me?” you teased.

“Oh toots, you have no idea,” Bucky said.  

Then in the background, an old song, “Pennsylvania 6-5000” by Glenn Miller came on, a song you didn’t even know existed.  

“Wanna dance?  I’ll teach you, just come with me,” Bucky offered, standing in front of you, holding his hand out.

You took his hand as he led you to the middle of the diner.  He had to figure out the timing for the beat before he started dancing, but it all kicked back in once the time was right.  He started moving his feet forward and swinging his arms to the beat.

“C'mon doll, join me!” Bucky said and you tried your best to copy his movements.

“See this isn’t bad right?” Bucky teased.

“Yeah, yeah you made your point,” you rolled your eyes.  

Then the beat started to pick up, and more eyes from others made you tense up and Bucky, being able to sense it, distracted you.

“Don’t worry ‘bout them, doll.  In no time, they will be joining in with us.” Bucky assured you.  

You nodded and kept dancing with him.  But Bucky made his dance more complicated.  He started doing the Charleston.  And he was a fucking pro at it too.  You tried to copy him, but he was going too fast and it made everything seem harder than it was.

“Look at me, and watch my movements ok?  Look, one, two, three, four and you repeat.  Got it?”  Bucky explained as he was moving his arms and legs in slow motion for you to pick up on.  

You had to make him do it a few times before you got the hang of it.  Soon you were adding your own little bits of flare to it, even outshining Bucky.  You realized that the Charleston was a fairly easy dance to learn, compared to the Can-Can at least.

Soon, people in the booths started cheering for you and Bucky, and they all eventually started to join in.  It felt like a high school party, tons of sweaty bodies clashing into each other, people dancing and smiling, overall, people just having a wonderful time.  You moved your legs and arms with such grace and elegance that you made Bucky look like a chicken on a tightrope compared to you.  Some men tried to get a dance with you, even trying to flirt with you at some points, but they backed off once they saw the metal arm that Bucky was so graciously sporting.

Bucky spun you around like a top and you and him were laughing so much.  You felt so alive and free with him.  You were wondering if that was the feeling Nat was telling you about earlier.  That feeling of warmth, being special.  And you did see something shining in his eyes that was different.  But you weren’t sure if it was love since you’ve never seen that before.  

Then, to everyone’s disappointment, the song ended.  You and Bucky sighed in annoyance, like all of the others, but it was quickly taken over by panting.  You and Bucky were out of breath, you especially since you outshined Bucky.  

“C'mon doll, let's get a drink,” Bucky said as you headed back to your table.                        

“Agreed.  By the way, what was the name of the song?” you asked since you’ve never heard of it before.

“And you call me dumb,” Bucky sighed and you hit him in the arm.  “It’s called Pennsylvania 6-5000 by Glenn Miller.”

“Well if I didn't know the song, I guess that makes you a fuddy-duddy then,” you mocked, after you took a big, long sip of your water.

“Let’s get milkshakes for the ride home,” Bucky offered, and you happily agreed.

You and Bucky left the diner, milkshakes in hand, laughing about how you outdanced him.  You had gotten vanilla and he got strawberry, and you were both trying each others.  You were laughing, but also tired from dancing, and so was Bucky.  So the car ride wasn’t as talkative as the ride there, but the silence was comforting in a way.

As you were looking out the window, Bucky was gauging the amount of time it would take to get to the Compound.  Normally, it takes about 15 minutes to get there, but the traffic earlier made it take 30 minutes.  So he had to figure out a way for the Rohypnol to kick in without making himself look suspicious.  Luckily, the car was running out of gas, the perfect excuse to stop the car for a good amount of time and stall.

You didn’t really notice what was happening, since you were so tired.  You did see Bucky filling up the gas tank, smiling at you, making sure you were ok every now and then.  But the gas station passed as quickly as it came, and soon you were on your way home again.

Bucky was glad his stalling had pulled off.  It bought some time, and you only had 10 minutes left till you got back home and till the rest of the night carried on.

Before you knew it, you were already home.  Bucky had gotten out of the car and walked around to your side, to be a gentleman and open the door for you.  But you were extremely tired now, and you had no clue why.  Your body felt like it was running on 5% power.  You could barely function, but you could still see, hear and move.  Just not up to normal.

“Here doll,”  Bucky offered.  “Lean on my arm and I’ll walk you back inside, ok?”

“Mmk,” you slurred.  

Bucky took his time on purpose, making sure you were walking ok and being polite.  You took a few minutes before you made it inside.  You were walking down the hallway, but not to your room.

“Bucky… where we goin?” you mumbled.

“Somewhere you’ve been before,” Bucky said calmly.  

Before he led you to it, he looked around the hallway one last time, just to make sure the others weren’t awake, but they weren’t so Bucky proceeded.  He ended up taking you to his room, and you were lost as to why.

“Why are we… we here?” you asked. 

“Let’s help you out of this dress,” Bucky said, completely ignoring you.  

You didn’t care at that moment, so you just let him undress you.  Under your dress, you had on a matching set of dark red and black lace bra and panties.  Bucky just took a step back before you fell back onto the bed.  You were lazily playing with your hair, making you look 20 times more attractive.  

“Doll, you gotta stop doing that?” Bucky groaned.

“Why?” you moaned, not on purpose though.

“Because I don’t think I will last,” Bucky said.  

He slowly took off his shirt and suspenders, revealing a god-like body.  His metal arm was reflecting the little light the room had to offer.  His abs and biceps were flexing, showing off his muscular torso and his veins were popping through his skin.  He moved down his body to his pants, letting them fall to his feet.  He was only wearing his black boxers now.  And he took his hair out of his man bun, letting the strands of dark brown hair fall.

You weren’t really paying attention to him though.  You didn't even notice him stalking you closer and closer until he was right on top of you.  

“Bucky what are you doing?” you asked, tiredly.

“Oh sugar, I didn’t give you that name for nothing.  Let’s hope it lives up to it.” Bucky said as he hovered over you.

“Bucky,” you said, trying to push him off of you.

“If you keep doing that, we are going to have a long night, doll.”

[schleiereule94]

The Aesthetic Tag

Tagged by @evenrose, thanks, taht was fun! :)

Rules: Bold the aesthetics you relate to and add twenty of your own aesthetic qualities for others to bold.

(soft!) baby pink | iridescent | glitter is always a good option | no bra | minimalistic tattoos | cherry patterns | sweet scented perfumes | wearing generous amounts of blush | doodling hearts | getting excited to pet an animal | fun nails | rewatching old barbie movies | hair sticking to glossed lips | heart shaped sunglasses | taking pictures of the sunset or sunrise | stuffed animals | protecting nature | stickers everywhere | teen movies | the light rain that falls from a clear sky at the beginning of the night |

(dark academia!) neutral tones | masculine outfits | studying languages | worn down copy of books | grey skies | turtleneck sweaters | loose fitting pants | hair tied with a silk ribbon | trying to remember a cool difficult word you read somewhere to use in a convo | thick belts | minimal makeup | windows fogged by rain | vintage jewelry | blouses with cuffed sleeves | reading a murder mystery and trying to solve it | oxford style shoes | sweater vests | subtitled old movies in a language you don’t speak | leaves crackling as you walk | annotating books to express your emotions about the story |

(edgy!) closet full of dark clothes | fishnet tights | makeup sweating off | neon signs | searching for unknown songs | chokers | band tees | doodling on old converses | finding smoking aesthetically pleasing but not doing it | weird humor | accidentally very dramatic | dim lights | layered outfits | chain belts | chipped nail polish | messy hair | low quality pics | piercings | combat boots | scribbling on desks |

(seventies!) colorful wardrobe | doodling flowers | wearing short shorts | using a bikini top or bra as a normal top | listening to ABBA | flowers in your hair | DIYing everything | jamming to songs alone in your room | drunkenly telling your friends you love them | patterned bandanas | mid heeled shoes | messy braids | flared sleeves | walking barefoot on grass or sand | bold sunglasses | the good kind of tired you get after doing something you enjoy for hours | feeding stray animals | fun patterned socks | room decorated with succulents and other plants | likes to go roller skating or skateboarding |

(preppy casual!) collared clothes | drinking juice out of a champagne glass | getting excited to see the met gala looks | thick headbands | small pastel cardigans | making your friends take your ootd pics | plaid mini skirts | tweed two pieces | watching reality tv to pass time| frilly tops | watching old hollywood movies | academically driven | long manicured nails | new year’s eve fireworks | colorful tights | layered golden jewelry | yearns for luxury brand items | decorating your room with fairy-lights | cursive and neat handwriting | lace details

@thelivebookproject endless summer sunny days | reading book after book after book | singing in the car | braids on wet hair | visiting ancient buildings and imagining life there | going berry picking | bullet journaling | making list after list after list | wanting to be sociable but too solitaire to make it work | having too many blankets on the bed | being fascinated by languages | shouting at TV debate shows | long silent winter evenings | playing classical piano | bad puns | wishing for change but being scared of it | dainty jewelery | foggy glasses over a cup of tea

@psychedaboutstudying warming your feet to a bonfire late summer evenings | writing in the sand to let the waves wash it away | oversized woolen socks | two messy buns | getting lost in music played through big headphones | reading twelve books at the same time | office job during the week punk rock on the weekends | imagining you’re in a music video when in the car | wooden decor pieces | planning as a hobby | women in suits | animal printed everything | colour-coded annotated research papers | fluffy sweaters and steaming hot tea in the winter | karaoke night at your friends’ home | guilty pleasures spotify lists | self-education | long high-waisted skirts | endless curiosity | sitting on the floor

@booknerdphd messy buns | baggy sweaters | black leggings | constant background lo-fi music | multiple downloads of the same paper in multiple folders | drinking all beverages from a mug (even alcohol) | cloudy days and heavy rains | the smell of air before it rains |  diligent at work lazy at home | visiting art and history museums | 16 oz thermos flask to fill with coffee at any given time | sneakers and ankle length socks | denim jackets | sad song playlists forever | consumes entertainment in 4 (or just multiple) different languages | singing in the apartment like you’re singing in the shower

@phdead high heel boots | flannel | messy bun | wearing the same piece of jewelry | asymmetric earrings | speed walks everywhere | but refuses to jog/run | long colourful nails | space buns | motivated by  challenges | cherries | doesn’t like flowers | summer rain | chocolate covered strawberries | scared of heights | ties | shifts between aesthetics | cozy blankets and campfires |  thrifting | cleans to procrastinate

@evenrose french press coffee in the mornings | pj pants constantly at home | a “to-read” stack of books | story-rich video games | dried flowers | endless houseplants | floral dresses | fancy pens | hand-written to-do lists | scared of failure | chain drinking tea | lavender scented rooms and clothes |  inbox zero | tries to resist clutter but ultimately fails | cardboard boxes instead of a bookshelf | lots of windows | dragging out things that I don’t want to end | wool coats | muted/dusty colors |  watching the rain from indoors.

@schleiereule94 eating too much chocolate | owls | the scent of cake/cookies in the oven | blasting loud music to destress | a clean desktop with only one folder named “documents” | “report_final_Version_final_current_really_final_version_7″ | hair ties in every corner of the house | leather leggings | long evening walks | watching the dogs in the park | heavy wind before a thunderstorm | the scent of the warming river in spring | overexcitement about travelling somewhere new | jumping around when happy or excited | going on your sibling(s) nerves but in a cute way | hugging trees | broken phone screen | colourful mandalas | aching muscles after workout | language confusion when switching from one to the other

Tagging @sapphirecastles, @speculative-imaginaries and @biomedstudyblr14