#i just took the CR relevant one

[utilitycaster]

Hi I’m a new critter and I love your account and both your meta and your takes on “drama” I genuinely want to know (if you don’t mind saying of course) what you consider to be the most egregious, bad faith cr take that you’ve ever seen. I just like reading your criticism because it’s both incredibly articulate and smart but also very satisfying

Hi anon,

Thank you! I do have to say this is a difficult question with a boring answer but I'll give you a tangential one as well to make up for it.

Obviously, the misogyny and death threats in C1 are the worst! Anything that rises to the combination of structural oppression and literal death threats is going to be the worst, even before you factor in how utterly tiny the stakes were here (and, frankly, you shouldn't factor that in; doesn't matter what the cause is, big or small! Do not send death threats!)

The reason I tend not to talk about that is because there's very little to say. It's misogynistic death threats. That's awful, inexcusable, and dangerous in any context. But if someone doesn't understand how terrible this is, I don't think I can say anything to add to that.

Anyway because that was true, but obvious and not terribly revealing, I have been thinking a lot about mean-spiritedness in the fandom and I'll talk about that here. It's something I try to be cognizant of, because here's the thing: I talk a lot of shit. I'm aware I talk a lot of shit. There's many reasons why I talk a lot of shit. But I do try very hard not to be mean-spirited. I think there is a very clear distinction between criticism, even harsh criticism, of things you don't like, whether it's in execution, concept, or they just aren't to your taste; and mean-spiritedness, which is much more based in a desire to do harm to others.

I think again the example I've mentioned recently of people harassing Liam until he took a song off a Caleb character playlist is the pinnacle. This doesn't have any real goal re: criticism - it doesn't address an issue with the character nor the narrative and the only personal preference it reveals is "I, a random fan, don't like that this song was used in this context" which is not really relevant and you can skip it. Harassment is never justified, and even behavior that skirted harassment really served only to be a dick to Liam. It didn't have a single result other than "Liam takes the song off and feels kind of bad for a while," which I suspect was in fact the goal for most people, and that's pretty abhorrent.

Harsh criticism is not necessarily constructive, but it is with the intent to reveal - either a personal preference, or what you believe to be a flaw (structural, thematic, etc) within the story. It might not have a goal - personal preference really is just "I don't like this guy" and that's fine. Mean-spiritedness, however, exists just to spew bile and do harm.

So the following (most of which are paraphrased, but all are things I've personally seen on Tumblr alone, and nearly all are from the last year or so) aren't per se the most egregious or bad-faith takes, but they are absolutely mean-spirited. They have all destroyed my estimation of the people saying them for the most part beyond repair, and in many cases, if they have not hurt my estimation of the ship or character they were intending to support, they have certainly increased my estimation of the things they were intending to oppose. (And it goes without saying: any harassment - any - is automatically mean-spirited).

"I hope Fjord and Jester have divorced [author's note: they were not married] and I hope it hurt."

"I hope Caleb and that floaty fuck have broken up by the solstice."

"I hate Ashton, and Campaign 3 wouldn't be any different if they weren't there."

"My wishlist for this episode is that Chetney hits on Fearne and Ashton cockblocks him"

"I hope Fearne makes that robot eat his stupid coin"

"I'm not surprised that Yasha missed, because Yasha is bad at everything."

"Funny how Vex goes against her husband but does everything that Keyleth says" [Author's note: later proved to be hilariously untrue]

"No one cares about Travis's characters."

"Oh, Liam meant that Essek's own guilt would still exist by 'It won't help the inside?' I thought he was just being a fucking twat."

I think some people go into fandom not because they want to talk about characters, but because they see it as an opportunity to hit someone. I think some people believe they are entitled to a "win" (not normal to want nor possible to achieve and often less about the story and more about the fandom agreeing with them) and will engage in any tactic no matter how underhanded if they don't think they're getting it. That's what mean-spiritedness is in the end. It's not a single opinion, and often it goes under the radar compared to more stupid but less clearly unpleasant takes - a lot of the above didn't result in a ton of discourse because most people see these and rightfully go "oh that person is a tar pit" and block them - but it's certainly, outside of bigotry (which is also frequently also mean-spirited) - the most bad-faith approach to fandom on the whole.

[gingerbravecookie]

devlog 1 - cursor and the horrors of game making. the agony and such of making a rewrite fangame

hello!! name's cursor/siffrin and i'm a poor loser making a fangame!! why did i commit to this i could have just made a fic but noooo i gotta pick up rpgmaker again

this devlog is made because. well. all devs do one ithink. also to write down my ocasional progress in this project!! this won't be monthly but whenever i have the time and got something to report yay. spare me from this hellhole

we begin 💥

ever since cookie run the darkest night got cancelled a few months ago and left us with only chapter 1 i did feel sad!! i liked the story!!! gingerbrave cool and fucking awesome moments. BUT!! because i am mentally ill,, i decided to rewrite the game myself and give it the ending it deserved to have!! will the ending be proper i dunno. i am still writing this stuff waugh. but hey it will have an ending at least

to gamedev stuff proper. i got rpgmaker mz around 2022 for the purpose of making a cr game still. an original one!! however after making a few stuff i left it in hiatus bc i had to focus on school (i still do. college is breathing on my neck dear lord). i still plan to continue that one but it will be after i'm done with this rewrite. in either way. i've been changing placeholder stuff for now,, such as menu icons and figuring out how to make the party have five members. also re learning how to use aseprite because i gotta make all sprites haha (breaks down)

i should remind folks that i am an artist/writer first and foremost. i will very likely go through pure trial and error while making and 'coding' all of this (why did i plan 14 chapters oh my godddd),, though i do have notes i took from the rpgmaker tutorial so i can refer to when i'm stuck whenever and hey!! forums are always a thing!! i wouldn't have figured how to have 5 party members if they weren't!!

to writing stuff. i've been planning the prologue and the locations of the first 3 chapters so far. as well as a vague idea of chapter 12 and the epilogue. with point A and point B set,, now i just gotta make the middle point. aka the rest of the game</3

the main party and a few relevant npcs and characters have already been set. as well as brainstoming stuff and showing said stuff to the gingerbrave council (personal friend server) for approval of sillyness. you guys are fucking awesome btw if you're reading this. also hi chat

mentally i've been setting a timeline of events. i plan to write these in a notebook so i can have them at anytime and not have to open my laptop whenever i get a cool idea. or dig through thousands of discord messages just to find an idea i wrote down in the moment. overall i believe writing (in comparison to art making and the game making process) will be the easier part for me. also i gotta decide for a proper name for the rewrite. naming it the same as the og is lame. i need something with more sauce. i'll figure it out. in the meantime. have this goober

i'm sure this should be it for this devlog!! hooray!! what have i gotten myself into!!!

in all seriousness i'm honestly pretty excited,, i really want to make this game work and for people to play it!! even if it might be a bit of a pain i really wanna finish this project so there's tgat

that's all. see you all in the next devlog whenever that might be 💥

[fwoopersongs]

安和桥 - Anhe Bridge

Let me look at you again, from South to North. It’s as if the Fifth Ring Road has clouded my eyes. [1] Please tell me the story again about that day, the young lady carrying the box, and the man wiping off his sweat.

I know. Those Summer days, like our youth, are never coming back; what takes the place of dreams can only be life’s struggles and discontent [2].

I know. All that horn tooting, along with our youth, will be laughed away, leaving me trapped in the city, memorializing you [3].

Let me have a taste again - of that Autumn wine; Just keep driving straight Southwards, it won’t take too long. Let me hear it again - that most beautiful greeting of all, “Oh, you’re home [4]. I’ve been waiting for you.”

I know. Those Summer days, like our youth, are never coming back; what takes the place of dreams can only be life’s struggles and discontent.

I know. All that horn tooting, along with our youth, will be laughed away, leaving me trapped in the city, memorializing you.

I know. Those Summer days, like you, can never come back. I will never again feel this for anyone - this heartfelt excitement [5].

I know. In this world, each and every day brings too many regrets. So, hello (goodbye.) [6]

............................................................................................

I love this song a lot.

Someday in mid ‘23, we were sharing favorite songs and others with interesting lyrics in a group chat, and a friend dropped this link to 安和桥 (this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cr-I94YpUo4). I was listening to it and enjoying the cute drums and nostalgic lyrics, when suddenly, the first 让我困在城市里 纪念你 came up, leaving me ???? The bridge music coming in a few lines later made me cry rivers lol (I’d put two and two together with the album art - below - and the lyrics). 安和桥 has been added to my list of songs to loop ever since. 

A few months back A. (halfxin) used Anhe Bridge in a fanvid for Qihun for an event we took part in, and it reawakened something in me for this song again :D So, here we are.

[1] 让我再看你一遍 从南到北 / 像是被五环路蒙住的双眼 Let me look at you again, from South to North. / It’s as if the Fifth Ring Road has clouded my eyes.

Trying to understand this line, I looked up Song Dongye, who is both singer and songwriter. It’s the 11th song in his 2013 album, North of Anhe Bridge. There is an interview of his online with 凤凰网文化 (lit. Fenghuang Web Culture). The relevant part is translated below.

Song Dongye at his home which used to be at Anhe Bridge.

Fenghuang Web Culture: You have a song named ‘Anhe Bridge’, and the name of your album this time is ‘North of Anhe Bridge’. You've also said before that ‘Anhe Bridge is just a bridge, but she’s given me the most precious gift in my life’. What exactly is the significance of Anhe Bridge to you?

Song Dongye: I was born near Anhe Bridge. Nearly all of my childhood and teenage years were spent there. Afterwards, my grandmother came to live there, and whenever I was unhappy, I’d run back, play the guitar and sing by the river, and eat the meals my grandmother cooked. Later, the people of Anhe Bridge were evicted and the village demolished, and I brought my grandmother to live with me. At one point, I wanted to write a song about Anhe Bridge, but I kept feeling that I hadn't accumulated enough life experience to truly express the emotions I had for it.

Fenghuang Web Culture: The lyrics, ‘Let me see you again from South to North, like eyes blindfolded by the Fifth Ring Road’, are very moving. Can you tell us about the scene at the time and the feelings in this line?

Song Dongye: It was from a time when I was on the way to Fenghuang Ridge with friends. We passed by Anhe Bridge, driving from South to North. Anhe Bridge had been demolished and the Fifth Ring Road overpass was wrapped over the ruins. It was both very cruel and very comforting, so I took out some paper and wrote that line in the car.

Fenghuang Web Culture: Beijing these days is like a pot of congee, with all sorts of seasoning and ingredients thrown in together, bubbling and boiling. As Beijinger born and bred, what does the city mean to you?

Song Dongye: Well, it's home. Whatever a hometown is in a person's heart, that's what Beijing means to me. But when I say Beijing, I'm talking about the city itself, not the capital.

This is what's on the back cover of the album.

I also wondered how Anhe Bridge and the landscape in the area would look like. From the way Song Dongye and the interviewer were talking about it, it seems this is the name of an area rather than a specific bridge. So how close is it to the Fifth Ring Road expressway in Beijing? Spatially, how are they all situated?

Digging a bit on baidu maps and google maps for the intersection of the Fifth Ring Road and the Haidian District, I was able to find a Anheqiao Avenue off to the left.

This is the area on google maps.

This is how it looks on baidu.

If you're curious about how the streets look like, this delightful person did what I would have done if I lived close enough (I'm not even in the same country LOL) and got there by train to look around. They didn't manage to find it, but they did get see a lovely light installation piece that also informed about the history.

安河桥，北京地名，位于北系市海淀区中部。[清雍正二年1724年在今天的安河桥村北侧设有圆明园护军营正红旗，并在附近设“丰益仓”，为出行方便，] 在临近的河上修建了一座木桥，取“安澜平和”之意称“安和桥”。 The portion within the [ ] brackets was sourced online as the video only showed the first sentence and the last part of the paragraph. Anhe 'Peaceful River' Bridge, a place name in Beijing, is located in central Haidian District. [In the second year of Emperor Yongzheng's reign during the Qing Dynasty, 1724, the Old Summer Palace's Plain Red Banner Guards were stationed to the north of what is now Anhe 'Peaceful River' Bridge Village. The Fengyi Granary was build close to the area to facilitate travel, and] a wooden bridge was built over the nearby river. Taking its meaning from 'peaceful waters, harmonious times' this bridge was named Anhe 'Peaceful and Harmonious' Bridge.

Anhe 'Peaceful and Harmonious' Bridge (安和桥) was renamed Anhe 'Peaceful River' Bridge (安河桥) during Emperor Qianlong's reign - so between 1736 and 1796 - because of the watergate that was built there as part of flood mitigation measures.

[2] 勉为其难 life’s struggles and discontent This is an idiom meaning to be forced or be forcing yourself to tackle a difficult job, and by extension, doing it reluctantly.

[3] 纪念你 memorializing you ‘In memory of you’ would probably have worked as well here, but I liked how this sounded and stuck with it.

This specific wording when used on a person can only mean they've passed away. Which was why hearing it in the song when I wasn’t expecting it was a small shock.

I also later learnt from my friend that this song was written after his grandmother passed, and then separately found out that the album art was of them together in his childhood at Anhe Bridge.

[4] 你回家了 “Oh, you’re home.” A used ‘Welcome home’ which I LOVE.

The melody in the bridge after this line is played using the Mongolian instrument bowed string instrument, morin khuur, also known as the horsehead fiddle.

Here's the full piece for it if you want more. (I know we all want more xD it's sooooooooo AMAZING)

[5] 满怀期待 -this heartfelt excitement Literally a heart filled with hope and anticipation.

[6] 所以 你好 再见 So, hello  (goodbye.) This was just how it sounds like to me as he sings it. The hello is to his memories of her and Anhe Bridge. At the same time, it's also a goodbye with a bit of finality to it.

Credits

民谣音乐人宋冬野首张个人专辑 《安和桥北》 词／曲／编曲／吉他／手鼓／和声：宋冬野 制作人／编曲／钢琴／键盘／弦乐编写：韦伟 编曲／吉他／贝斯／和声：尧十三 录音师／混音师：陈程 弦乐：李琪＋李琪弦乐团 母带工程师／录音监制：陈东 录音棚：［粮］录音棚／乐家轩录音棚 出品：摩登天空 监制：沈黎晖 经济／摄影：牧师 平面设计：孔阳 文案：宋冬野／高飞

Lyrics

让我再看你一遍 从南到北 像是被五环路蒙住的双眼 请你再讲一遍 关于那天 抱着盒子的姑娘 和擦汗的男人

我知道 那些夏天就像青春一样回不来 代替梦想的也只能是勉为其难

我知道 吹过的牛逼也会随青春一笑了之 让我困在城市里 纪念你

让我再尝一口 秋天的酒 一直往南方开 不会太久 让我再听一遍 最美的那一句 你回家了 我在等你呢

我知道 那些夏天就像青春一样回不来 代替梦想的 也只能是勉为其难

我知道 吹过的牛逼 也会随青春一笑了之 让我困在城市里 纪念你

我知道 那些夏天就像你一样回不来 我已不会再对谁 满怀期待

我知道 这个世界每天都有太多遗憾 所以 你好 再见

[marta-bee]

As you might have guessed from the quotes, I’ve been reading Good Omens again. I was all prepared to be uncomfortable with this par. Crowley was about to turn paintball guns into gun-guns, and I was sure after all the mass shootings America has seen since the twelve or so years since I last read it, that part would just hit differently.

I wasn’t wrong, though I’d forgotten how funny and delightfully ‘90s-ish the corporate warfare was. Honestly I was laughing too hard at all the humor around the violence to notice. I can’t recommend it enough, if you’re old enough to remember why Dilbert was funny once upon a time, you really should give this bit a read. A sample:

The contingent from Financial Planning were lying flat on their faces in what had once been the haha, although they weren't very amused.

"I always said you couldn't trust those people from Purchasing," said the Deputy Financial Manager. "The bastards."

A shot pinged off the wall above him.

He crawled hurriedly over to the little group clustered around the fallen Wethered. "How does it look?" he said.

The assistant Head of Wages turned a haggard face toward him.

"Pretty bad," he said. "The bullet went through nearly all of them. Access, Barclaycard, Diners-the lot."

"It was only the American Express Gold that stopped it," said Wethered.

They looked in mute horror at the spectacle of a credit card wallet with a bullet hole nearly all the way through it.

"Why'd they do it?" said a wages officer.

What most struck me though was the bits woven between all the poking fun at white collar office culture and the human capacity to wish violence on each other. I’d almost call it a coincidence if it wasn’t actually relevant to everything else going on. Any of my fellow Sherlockians, you know what they say about coincidences.

Let’s start with Nigel Tompkins. Or a little before he shows up, for context. Aziraphale and Crowley are hunting for the antichrist so decide to go back to the hospital where Crowley left him. It’s been burned down, most of the sisters have left, but now Sr. Mary Loquacious (now Mary Hodges, no sister) has turned it into a rather unorthodox corporate events center. They’re doing paintball. Lots of stultified corporate types have been handed nonlethal guns and told to have at it, which has exactly the result you’d expect (humans being humans) even before Crowley miracles their dearest wishes into reality and turns their paintball guns into real guns.

This is the scene Az&Cr stumble into (the paintball version to start). Nigel Tompkins has the bad luck to shoot at them as they’re getting out of the car, and after much hemming and hawing over stained fabrics, Crowley scares him off:

Tompkins thumbed another paint pellet into the gun and muttered business mantras to himself. Do Unto Others Before They Do Unto You. Kill or Be Killed. Either Shit or Get Out of the Kitchen. Survival of the Fittest. Make My Day.

He crawled a little nearer to the figures by the statue. They didn't seem to have noticed him. When the available cover ran out, he took a deep breath and leapt to his feet.

"Okay, douchebags, grab some sk-ohnoooeeeeee . . ."

Where one of the figures had been there was something dreadful. He blacked out. Crowley restored himself to his favorite shape.

"I hate having to do that," he murmured. "I'm always afraid I'll forget how to change back. And it can ruin a good suit."

"I think the maggots were a bit over the top, myself," said Aziraphale, but without much rancor.

Then later:

Nigel Tompkins had come to with a mild headache and a vaguely empty space in his recent memory. He was not to know that the human brain, when faced with a sight too terrible to contemplate, is remarkably good at scabbing it over with forced forgetfulness, so he put it down to a pellet strike on the head.

He was vaguely aware that his gun was somewhat heavier, but in his mildly bemused state he did not realize why until some time after he'd pointed it at trainee manager Norman Wethered from Internal Audit and pulled the trigger.

It’s this “scabbed over” language that really interests me, because ti comes up again with Mary Hodges. Trying to get information out of her, Crowley puts her into a kind of trance to question her.

"Good"-Crowley glanced at his watch-"morning, ma'am," he said, in a sing-song voice. "We're just a couple of supernatural entities and we were just wondering if you might help us with the whereabouts of the notorious Son of Satan." He smiled coldly at the angel. "I'll wake her up again, shall I? And you can say it."

"Well. Since you put it like that . . ." said the angel slowly.

"Sometimes the old ways are best," said Crowley. He turned to the impassive woman. "Were you a nun here eleven years ago?" he said.

"Yes," said Mary.

"There!" said Crowley to Aziraphale. "See? I knew I wasn't wrong." "Luck of the devil," muttered the angel.

"Your name then was Sister Talkative. Or something." "Loquacious," said Mary Hodges in a hollow voice.

"And do you recall an incident involving the switching of newborn babies?" said Crowley.

Mary Hodges hesitated. When she did speak, it was as though memories that had been scabbed over were being disturbed for the first time in years.

"Yes," she said.

"Is there any possibility that the switch could have gone wrong in some way?" "I do not know."

Crowley thought for a bit. "You must have had records," he said. "There are always records.

Everyone has records these days." He glanced proudly at Aziraphale. "It was one of my better ideas." "Oh, yes," said Mary Hodges.

"And where are they?" said Aziraphale sweetly.

"There was a fire just after the birth."

Crowley groaned and threw his hands in the air. "That was Hastur, probably," he said. "It's his style. Can you believe those guys? I bet he thought he was being really clever." "Do you recall any details about the other child?" said Aziraphale. "Yes."

"Please tell me."

"He had lovely little toesie-wosies."

Neil and PTerry are not authors like me, they don’t just use the same word all helter-skelter because they cant remember what they wrote five lines earlier. They’re funny and most importantly clever people. Or at least they have good editors who will call them on it. So likening this hazy or lost memory to a scab seems intentional to me.

But it’s not that Mary was traumatized by her time with the order. She was young and a bit hemmed in, but they weren’t evil in anything more than being allied with Crowley’s side. There’s nothing about her time with them that would be particularly upsetting, certainly not so much she’d have blocked it out even from her subconscious. Crowley’s putting her under here feels vaguely akin to hypnosis, suppressing part of her mental defenses so she’ll share more information with less filtering. And even then, talking about that time brings on the same sensation Nigel had when exposed to something too scary and --more importantly-- weird to fit with how he normally saw the world.

I think it’s Crowley. Specifically, Crowley letting his human face slip a bit. With Nigel it was intentional, with the nuns, possibly because Crowley was more distressed than he normally was so was less in control of himself? He wasn’t transforming into things that go bump in the night, sure, but between being so upset about the Apocalypse happening and these being his people so he didn’t have to fight so hard to hide his essence, I wonder if he didn’t let a certain something just ... slip through? Something the human mind just isn’t equipped to deal with?

It calls to mind another scene where we talked about memory and the benefit of failing to leave an impression, from much earlier:

"Is that him?" said Sister Mary, staring at the baby. "Only I'd expected funny eyes. Red, or green. Or teensy-weensy little hoofikins. Or a widdle tail." She turned him around as she spoke. No horns either. The Devil's child looked ominously normal.

"Yes, that's him," said Crowley.

"Fancy me holding the Antichrist," said Sister Mary. "And bathing the Antichrist. And counting his little toesy-wosies . . ."

She was now addressing the child directly, lost in some world of her own. Crowley waved a hand in front of her wimple. "Hallo? Hallo? Sister Mary?"

"Sorry, sir. He is a little sweetheart, though. Does he look like his daddy? I bet he does. Does he look like his daddywaddykins . . ."

"No," said Crowley firmly. "And now I should get up to the delivery rooms, if I were you."

"Will he remember me when he grows up, do you think?" said Sister Mary wistfully, sidling slowly down the corridor.

"Pray that he doesn't," said Crowley, and fled.

I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but maybe it’s not Crowley, or just Crowley, that makes her memories of this event feel scabbed-over. “Lost in some world of her own” could just be getting a little absorbed in the new baby (lots of women particularly are conditioned to think we need to coo over infants, and I can’t imagine the type of women who become nuns-- satanic or otherwise-- are much different in that respect). But it doesn’t have to be just that, does it? Prolonged exposure to the supernatural, even the also-human antichrist in his veiled form, seems like the kind of thing that’s too weird for the human psyche to easily come to terms with.

It’s interesting, because that sort of inability to be noticed is really biting Crowley in the backside now.

"Of course, we might be able to get a human to find him," said Aziraphale thoughtfully. "What?" said Crowley, distractedly.

"Humans are good at finding other humans. They've been doing it for thousands of years. And the child is human. As well as . . . you know. He would be hidden from us, but other humans might be able to . . . oh, sense him, perhaps. Or spot things we wouldn't think of."

"It wouldn't work. He's the Antichrist! He's got this . . . sort of automatic defense, hasn't he? Even if he doesn't know it. It won't even let people suspect him. Not yet. Not till it's ready. Suspicion will slide off him like, like . . . whatever it is water slides off of," he finished lamely.

"Got any better ideas? Got one single better idea?" said Aziraphale.

"No."

I’m not saying this has to be the same sort of inability-to-be-perceived that affected Mary and Nigel above. It could be a sort of built-in defense mechanism specially for the antichrist. But it seems on theme at the very least. There seems something deeply sad to me, and probably very relevant to the queer experience of the ‘80s and ‘90s, around the time this book was written and published, to there being something about your true nature that’s just not allowed to be seen and remembered.

Now I’ve made myself a bit sad, and if you’ve read this long you deserve to end on a treat. Luckily, our favorite authors have us covered there as well.

"Ducks!" he shouted.

"What?"

"That's what water slides off!" Aziraphale took a deep breath.

"Just drive the car, please," he said wearily.

They drove back through the dawn, while the cassette player played J. S. Bach's Mass in B Minor, vocals by F. Mercury.

[inkofamethyst]

October 19, 2022

[May 5, 2019]

hey let’s play a fun game: you dare me to go to sleep and i do it in under five minutes

[today]

That was from an old old old draft but I think it’s relevant.  Also what was I so tired for in May of my senior year?  The show was done, no marching band.. maybe it was those four APs I took?  I think AP tests happen around the first week of May?

UMM.  Paradise Killer??  The premise of that game is actually insane.  Like, insane in a way that I can’t even consider how someone would come up with it.  I do kinda wanna play it now though.  And by “play it” I of course mean “watch a lets-play” naturally.

A fairly famous comedian came to campus for a show a few days ago and he was not funny lol (and based on what I knew about him, I (and my parents) figured it was going to go that way).  Like, the warmup acts had me in tears with laughter, and I sat through his whole set waiting for him to actually, you know, not rattle off jokes I’ve heard before???  Half of the jokes were unoriginal lines I’ve seen online elsewhere, and none of them made me laugh so hard my sides hurt.  I smiled, I chuckled, I left feeling disappointed.  I’ve gotten better comedy from college students, from middle school honors students who didn’t want to do classwork.  They were all like, two sentence buildup followed by a punchline and then a non-sequitur to another joke with the same structure on a totally different topic.  Good comedy has a flow to it, it’s in conversation with itself... This guy just stood there awkwardly at points and openly admitted that he was thinking of what to say next.  Granted, I am not a comedian.  Comedy was always difficult for me to really grasp in theatre, I couldn’t do it.  But this man gets paid to be funny.  So.

Speaking of non-sequiturs, I saw a tiktok about how some girl was reading her journal from senior year and she was so filled with despair during college app season that she expressed that the process needed to be outlawed and you know what??  I’m with her on that one.  Barring the end of 2020/beginning of 2021 which was a nationally traumatic event compounded on top of some personal stuff, the college app season was probably the lowest I’ve ever been from a mental health standpoint over an extended period of time.  I’m talking months of bleakness.  Something has to change, but I sure don’t know what.

Nowadays I’m not feeling that same kind of despair, I’m just tired.

I did receive another soft rejection today (they weren’t taking another student) which I much prefer to paying an application fee and working on a personal statement and then receiving a rejection that I could not have done anything better to change.  Also I wasn’t very heavily invested in the guy anyway, so I’m guuci.  The other dude I could be interested in at that department looks too close to death tbh.

Also it’s actually really hard to try to “fill up” my schedule with classes in case I can’t TA.  Like I’ll need two more “real classes” when I register in two weeks but I simply do not have the desire to ~think~.  Maybe I’ll see if I can take a real bioanth class through the consortium.  But then I’ll still need another option.  Obviously I’m hoping my Master Plan works out, but I want a solid backup plan just in case, you know?

Last thing, I’m currently in the middle of CR C3E36 and I think it could be the best Critical Role episode I’ve seen yet out of all the campaigns.  I’ve been so smiley, so giggly, so positively joyful this whole episode, I just feel fantastic.  I’m having literally so much fun with this.  And I mean, there have, of course, been great episodes in the past, but this is sort of like a major crossover event, like Avengers: Infinity War, just an overwhelming feeling of :D and I haven’t even finished the episode yet.

Today I’m thankful that I went to the anthropology meet and greet today!!  Partly because there was food there and while I do have stuff prepared in the fridge, I also love getting free food, especially when it’s not pizza lol (not that pizza is bad, just that so many events serve pizza because it’s simple).  Partly because I got to connect with some of the people in my classes and they’re really cool!  Partly because I got to connect with a professor for whom I would like to TA next semester, and I should be able to get a good section for that (aka not the 8 am ones).  I’m also thankful for my mom, like so so so thankful and I hate the fact that I can be so neurotic but UGH I’m just so thankful that she cares for me enough to not turn me away or shut down my feelings.  I’m also thankful that my ecoanth prof and my archaeology prof canceled class tomorrow (two class day!!)!  I’m thankful that my presentation in archaeology went well (I think I might’ve almost convinced my prof that I didn’t do the readings the night before (but also he’s not the type of guy to care even if I did)).  Last but not least, I’m thankful to finally have finished twisting my hair.  As cute as the headscarf looked, it was getting a little old.  I just wish sometimes that my hair didn’t shrink up so much, but ultimately I don’t mind because a) I have hair and b) I can do a lot with it and c) it’s relatively healthy.  Lots of things to be thankful for today.

[bixbiboom]

@qgar: 🌴PALM SPRINGS DRIVE IN PREMIERE🌴

1. My real hubby @ramsiegel

2. My work hubby @maxbarbakow

3. Billboard

4. Bread that I delivered to one of our special DOUGHnators at the Drive In!!! Win!

Thank you to all the peeps who came out to support this drive in premiere. And thanks to my amazing crew @therealalexcason (our 10th feature together??!) who got tickets early before they sold out because as we all know, camera assistants are often the first and last ones on set ♥️🙏🍞🎥

#palmspringsmovie #premiere #driveinmovie #directorofphotography #dplife #cinematographer #doughrectorofphotography #sourdough

[emmys-grimoire]

Lesson 80 Story & Analysis

It’s finally over. I did not enjoy the ride. But it sure was a finale, I guess.

Sorry it took me so long to write this up, but I had other obligations and I just didn’t have the motivation. But now it’s done, and I get awhile to relax!

Story

We left off on another cliffhanger last time, after Simeon finally told the others what’s up with him as they clung to him in the middle of the conjured dark crevasse.

He’s right. This is the least opportune moment for this revelation, and so far the only opportunity Simeon has had to actually use his angelic powers! That’s just how relevant they were to this point. 

Regardless, they’re relevant now. Or would be if they existed. Since they don’t, they remain in trouble.

Beelzebub wants to help them, but apparently the wind is so strong that we can’t even see them. Lucifer transforms and steps in and blows them away from the approaching tornado with his four wings. Those must be some powerful gusts.

Mammon and Asmo get tossed into the tree and bushes respectively.

The dark crevasse seems to be getting bigger and it starts to uproot the fauna. A tree gets flung at us but we’re given three options to avoid it (I just used magic, which gave me Diavolo affection). We continue to try to move the gigantic treasure chest but it’s not budging. 

We can suggest opening it or plugging it: I chose the former because I’m not sure how the latter makes any sense, and Lucifer agrees with the plan. Satan asks how, because we don’t have a key. Diavolo has a revelation and tells us oh he has it. Satan goes “wait, what?” because he hasn’t truly figured it out yet.

But to be fair…

It is pretty weird. 

The chest is opened once Diavolo scans his eyeball and the magical energy spills out, blinding everyone. The dark crevasse eats it all up and vanishes. Mammon/Levi/Asmo are no longer invisible. Asmo immediately demands a mirror. No one has one on hand, so he insists on seeing his reflection through Beel’s eyes and crows over his appearance. Mammon asks Levi if he remembers his name, and Levi replies in the affirmative. Solomon inquires about Barbatos’s health, and Barbatos is now feeling fine.

The treasure chest is back to its tiny size. The crisis is over.

Mammon demands they have a talk. He demands an explanation from Simeon, and Satan demands one from Diavolo. If you think this is meant to be a serious moment, you’re wrong: the clown music is playing. Barbatos insists we go elsewhere before saying anything further.

We move things to the Demon Lord’s Castle. Mammon asks why Mephisto isn’t around, and Beelzebub reveals that he left. The brothers think he must be allergic to fun, passing up a chance to have a sleepover at Diavolo’s place, but Lucifer informs them that Diavolo is just being nice. Luke is there, and seems to be enjoying himself. He flushes when Beelzebub notes aloud just how happy he seems. There’s quite a bit of chit-chat before they finally get back to the actual conversation.

Diavolo explains himself first:

SURPRISE.

Mammon notes that what Diavolo did was against the rules, but like hell if he cares. Rules are for peasants.

Yeah, okay. It wasn’t subtle at all, but these are not the sharpest knives in the drawer.

We passed our final trial, meaning we’re now a bonafide member of the mail sorting council.

Everyone congratulates and dogpiles us. Mammon gets upset when everyone starts hugging us because of course he does. Satan notes someone else now owes us an explanation. He proceeds to explain he is no longer a human. 

Mammon at first disbelieves him. Which I find odd because he was the first one to get suspicious and suggest the CR did something harmful to him. Simeon insists he wasn’t joking, Mammon already knows, and clarifies.

Apparently you can feel angel powers, I guess? Or at least demons can.

Luke is predictably confused. Asmo asks why, and Satan correctly deduces that it’s because he stole the Ring of Light.

... Right.

So the CR didn’t send him on a mission to delegate human-angel relations, Simeon just thought it’d be fun if he opened a cafe and take Luke with him under that pretense. This is all part of a journey of self-discovery.

Simeon took a lot of time to come to the conclusion that “everything happens for a reason”, with the implication that it must be a good reason. If you’re still convinced that this narrative is going to make the Celestial Realm and it’s angels the bad guys, I don’t think you’ve been paying attention...

Solomon asks Luke if he’s okay. This revelation must be tough on him, right? He must be very confused. Initially, he seems to be struggling, but you can reassure him that Simeon just still Simeon… apparently Simeon’s identity was the issue here, not his impromptu demotion for saving the three realms.

Simeon takes the opportunity to apologize to Raph, at least.

I feel bad for Raphael. Being a babysitter in his debut season. He ultimately takes it in stride, though.

Everything’s resolved because there wasn’t really much of a problem in the first place.

We continue to get pampered by Diavolo. We talk to Simeon in the garden. 

I guess insecurities usually aren’t rational or rooted in reality but this still feels like a cop-out. 

Luke got over it real quick. Apparently he’s fine with the Celestial Realm punishing Simeon, as long as he wasn’t transformed into an entirely different person. But why would he be?

This really shouldn’t be the central conflict. There’s no reason for them to reject Simeon just because he’s a human when they don’t reject any of the present humans.

But I digress. After we make out with Simeon we return to the castle and presumably have dinner. 

I insist on continuing to party and get whisked away to a romantic scene with Mammon in the guest room. I chose wrong, clearly.

Barbatos wakes us up in the morning. You can ask him for a good morning kiss and he complies. Okay lol.

Diavolo greets us in the ballroom. Luke is surprised that Lucifer isn’t up yet and Diavolo reminds us that Lucifer is not a morning demon. This baffles the angel because he doesn’t recall Lucifer ever being late or missing a meeting. 

Luke raves about how great the breakfast was, and asks Barbatos for the recipe for the pastries we ate. Barbatos agrees to teach him, and they go off to the kitchen, leaving us with Diavolo… who invites us to his room.

Once there, he congratulates us for making the student council.

I don’t think we’ve changed much in the school. Most of the student body still thinks the exchange program is dumb according to the survey we did. It’s an improvement from everyone hating it, but remember that most of the demon populace is afraid of Diavolo no matter how unjustified it may be.

He informs us that we’ll undergo a formal ceremony to make our induction official.

We wander outside to the lakeside gazebo and meet with the others, who are now awake and enjoying breakfast. 

We get a moment with Luke.

He just thanks us for being there for Simeon when he needed us. He believes if he was open-minded and nice, Simeon would have turned to him to help, too. He now has a mission to become an angel “worthy of respect”... he’s worthy of respect already. Everyone is. 

This is probably my least favorite part of the lesson because we know that the reason Simeon didn’t let Luke know was that he was afraid of making him sad, and I don’t think Luke is unjustified in being hurt about being kept in the dark when Simeon is his friend and his custodian. In addition to that, we accept this framing, and encourage him to be a better angel. His invalidates his own feelings and we help him do so.

This is a kid by the way.

I know he can be immature and was close-minded (though he’s started openly befriending demons this season), but damn. If we’re having a contest between the angels about who is the most honest and sincere, I’d put my money on him. Keep in mind that Raphael also never corrected Solomon’s lie to Simeon about Luke running away, too… and they never came clean to Simeon about it. All of this is pretty much just swept under the rug.

Satan takes us aside next. He warns us that things are about to get rough and to get ready… then we’re whisked off to the student council room. 

We finish our paperwork and run into Beel, Mephisto and 13 outside. Remember them? Thirteen wasn’t invited to the festivities I guess. Thirteen goes on about setting up another trap for Solomon. Mephisto points out that her trap isn’t going to work, and begins to explain why when she asks. Beelzebub notes how chummy they are now and they both deny it. I didn’t think it was a particularly friendly interaction, either, but okay.

Mephisto reminds us that we were on short-term exchange program like we were previously, along with Solomon, and the term should be ending shortly. Thirteen thinks it’ll be dull without us around, and corrects Beelzebub when he says he thought she was also on a short term. It’s her first term, so she’s there for a full-fledged year. 

Yes, so did I. Why do we have to return when we’ve just gotten the job?

It’s just a thing we do now. We go back to the House of Lamentation dining room and everyone starts despairing about our imminent but undoubtedly temporary departure. Why do we have to do this?

Asmo insists they stop wallowing and build us a memory box, so we don’t forget them in the like two weeks we’re gone.

Didn’t we do a variation of this last time? They gave use keepsakes so we can practice summoning them easier...

They all put in their mementos, and you get to choose yours.

Naturally I have no idea what any of these actually are until I choose.

I pick the sports festival because it’s the only arc in this season I liked in some capacity.

We reminiscence about the event, and about all the events connected to each of their mementos. Naturally, since I’m a hater, this has no effect on my black heart.

Lucifer isn’t around to put his in, so Asmo does it for him. It’s great being a Lucifer stan sometimes. It’s a letter. His brothers immediately want to open it, but Asmo tells them if it’s opened by anyone besides us they’ll be cursed. 

Here are all the mementos. Don’t think it’s worth individual screenshots.

We leave and go shopping. We run into the Purgatory crew. Raphael notes there’s a sale at the butcher’s shop, and Simeon comments on how familiar Raphael is with the Devildom now. We note that Simeon is back in his Celestial clothing.

I guess he prefers this set over his human clothes after all? Just didn’t feel comfortable wearing them before because he technically isn’t an angel any more.

… But you’re not an angel any more. Why are you still reporting to the Celestial Realm? You’re enrolled as a human now, right? You can do whatever you want. With Luke it makes sense but…

Ugh they’re undercutting the decision they’ve committed to already.

Honestly? Same.

I’ll be right back and I don’t have the memory of a goldfish. You really don’t have to worry.

The student council inauguration is tomorrow apparently. Simeon wishes us luck.

We fast forward. Lucifer’s smugly fussing over us. We can nab a smooch, and he steals a smooch from us in return. We continue to the ceremony in the colosseum.

Diavolo gives a speech.

HELP ME

Our actual choices:

I go the formal route because why not. They all think it must be because I’m nervous. Lucifer tells them to shut up and they go “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” The squabbling starts, but thankfully we just move on.

We get a transition to a bright cloudy sky and we’re getting a magic lesson from Solomon again. 

Okay so it was several weeks not just two but c’mon.

Cue credits. It’s finally over.

After the credits, we cut to the brothers mourning our absence and Simeon mother henning them. Diavolo, Barbatos, and Lucifer aren’t despairing because they seem to know we’re on our way. Sure enough, we teleport in and fall on top of them. Belphegor asks why we’re here, and Lucifer gives him the obvious answer: we now work there.

I’m sure glad I won’t get fined.

Yep.

They begin to fight over us. The end.

Analysis

They did manage to accomplish one thing I expected them to do: we now have a reason to remain in the Devildom indefinitely. Unfortunately, we’re just a secretary instead of a student. Simeon also has an opportunity to stick around longer, but I’m not sure what they’re gonna pull out of their asses to keep Raphael around after his first year is up. It may very well be just because the Celestial Realm is fine with just sending the same students over and over again. Beginning to think this format wasn’t a great choice.

We didn’t get any of the drama I was hoping for and expecting, but about three-fourths into this season it was obvious they’re not interested in that kind of thing. This season was a giant exercise in not making any effort to have any significant interpersonal or intrapersonal conflict. The closest we got was Lucifer and Satan fight arc part 4, and that was a flop in its own right. There are plenty of opportunities to make things more interesting: we could have learned more about the nobility with Mephisto, could have learned more about reapers with Thirteen, could have learned more about the Celestial Realm and the war with Raphael, could have finally had an opportunity for Luke to reflect on how the Celestial Realm doles out their punishments now that he finally acknowledges demons can be his friends, we could have actually learned *anything* about the school council assuming it’s something more significant than a school council (it’s probably not), and they didn’t have to put our decision-making on auto-pilot to justify our brilliance when we’ve been consistently given the opportunity to be a dumb ass up until this point… it’s not like there are not plenty of idiots on the student council already.

I know some fans are satisfied with how his arc concluded but I’m very disappointed. “He does everything for a reason, this is meant to be” is literally the least exciting answer/conclusion he could have come up with. It sounds like he’s not interested in actually regaining his angelhood (in spite of Lucifer’s reassurance earlier) and I’d argue it detracts from hints of rebellion and sass we got to see in Season 2. Now he’s just another pretty boy who luvs us, who is supposed to be a human now but still functions exactly the same way he did as an angel. He’s S1 Simeon again but now with heart eyes. Glad he’s happy, I guess, but I think his issue being he was afraid everyone wouldn’t still accept him as a human is also really dumb. If anything he’s *more* pliable to them now because he can’t smite them to oblivion if he ever gets angry. It feels very hollow.

I’ll save the rest of what I have to say about this lesson in the season review. That’s going to take some time: I’ll be settling in my new place and school is coming up. It just isn’t my highest priority now, but it is important to write it for the sake of this blog going forward.

[hellsvestibule]

Apparently Moriarty in Traum took the Norn, the 3 fates of Norse mythology, into himself, so he could weave together the threads of fate, presumably to regain some of the control over his future he lost. This immediately stood out to me, because the other crime butterfly spider clown, Mephistopheles, carries around a pair of scissors which I theorized way back whenever, are actually the shears of Atropos the inflexible, one of the moirai, fates of Greek mythology, specifically the one who cuts the threads of fate and determines your exact moment of death. So if I’m right he long ago did a similar thing as what Moriarty did. For. Reasons? The opposite reasons even. To sever fate.

Pictured: person whose eyes function in a similar way to Atropos, specifically annoyed by said scissors, and focusing on them as the subject of curiosity through the event (calling him scissors as a nickname) although if I’m right he’s absolutely using them the wrong way, which might be why Shiki struggles to pinpoint what bothers her so much about them (when she meets other heroic spirits in this event and does not give their weapons this kind of attention)

On the other hand if he stole them to cut the threads of fate it’s odd that he concocts an entire scenario here for you to beat him up until he turns good, since you’d think he could have just severed the fate of his bad self and killed him with the scissors or that when teaming up with you to do so he’d at least use them the right way to show off how he’s The Strongest (TM CR). So there are some things that feel Off about this theory I admit. However since the shears of Atropos work as an authority which can undermine even Zeus, I can still maybe come up with a few justifications as to why they’d give him this motif.

The boy who hands out explosives in the form of insects is actually a distinct character in the play Faust. He is basically a manifestation of Fausts subconscious desire to escape into a dream world, a reality he can control and manipulate. said character has a more beautiful, youthful form than Faust, so others are naturally drawn to him and trust him. Faust calls this character “son” and loves him quite a bit even though he’s basically a nameless one off character introduced briefly in part 2. Since our Mephy is not a devil, but a homunculus Historical Faust raised, part of the basis for him probably comes from this character, among several others in the play. Of course, characters who represent everything in the story are pretty commonplace in fate, but scissors are not at all relevant to the play, while pretty much every other motif on Mephy I can pinpoint as something particular mentioned on some character or other in Goethes Faust. but in particular this “charioteer boy,” who hands out fake gold which turns into explody bugs, is within his scene, associated with the Greek god of wealth, Plautus, a god who was blinded by Zeus so he could not tell right from wrong, a decision meant to benefit the already fortunate, since Plautus would just as readily bestow his wealth on an already wealthy person as a broke one. Fausts Plautus is, of course, just a conman version of himself. But he really seems to believe in this kid and want him to succeed.We see in fgo Mephys voice lines imply he struggles to tell good from bad in a way the devil in the play is not at all preoccupied with understanding, but a false construct based on Plautus might be, as Plautus is not actually a bad person, and in mythology there are tales written meant to rectify what Zeus did to him.

At the very least, the sheers of Atropos renders decisions made by the fates immutable even to Zeus, so the input of any other authority in the Greek pantheon regarding who the fates choose to kill is basically irrelevant, they have the final say. However even if that’s the case, either he can’t use them properly as a death tool, is purposefully destroying them by using their ”determines time of death” shtick to instead make his dinky little time bombs, or he’s saving the reveal they cause instant death for something special although it’s hard to rationalize he’d be able to keep it secret this long if that’s the case, since he can’t shut up about literally anything else. I’d say it doesn’t have anything to do with the Greek pantheon specifically and more to do with a desperate bid for agency, the same way Moriarty uses the norn. It’s possible he just doesn’t know what they are, or forgot what he’s even doing with them. Or it’s possible I’m just entirely wrong and they are, as his artist says, just a random decision! But considering how well researched the rest of the motifs on him seem, I still have doubts it’s irrelevant, I especially had to bring it back when Moriarty who assumed all this adjacent clown symbolism to Mephy, also made the choice to absorb the Norn. Since if I’m right Mephy here has the specific tool which could undermine what Moriarty has done. One spider clown to weave fate and another to sever it

[tsukiyadori]

Translations and at forth glance, the bug is only growing

So I had that rambling the day before yesterday about a scene in Kieta Hatsukoi volume 1, and then I unwittingly had another one yesterday.

And then hoped I'd be over this being bugged maybe today.

Instead, youtube's recommendation algorithm seems to have caught on my bug, because of who knows what it caused it to present me with a random AMV using footage from the live action drama adaption.

Which had this in it:

Japanese: Aoki: サムイわ Ida: たしかに今日寒いな

English subs: Aoki: I'm getting goosebumps... Ida: You're right, it is kind of cold today.

And I was clapping my hands and thinking: Wow, that's a great localization!

I mentioned it already in the first rambling. It's not the simplest line to translate since it's a homophone word play, but making "slow" to be the new "cold", did have me choke-----

To elaborate, this is the Japanese page:

This is the English release:

サムイ (samui) primarily means 寒い (cold), but there is also this staple picture of how the air freezes over a bad joke, so samui also means lame, corny or dull. Ida doesn’t catch that, and thinks Aoki is referencing the weather and just affirms that the weather is cold. (Note how samui is also spelled differently in each of their lines. サムイ vs. 寒い.) "Goosebumps" from the drama translation is obviously not a literal translation, but imo a really cool way of transporting both the cold and how it's kind of just awkward. And the mental image of it would suit Aoki so well, since he always has such funny ideas and reactions.

To be fair, I didn't have any good idea how I would best localize that line myself before that, and the best I probably would have come up is something like "so uncool". That was one of the bits that caused me to double-dip on the English release in the first place, so I could check for an example of how it's professionally handled. But "slow" makes no sense whatsoever in this context (why'd you call somebody "slow" who's just moved you to tears??) so I was just consoling myself with that at least dense-Ida is preserved.

But actually there is more to it, which I am only noticing today, and it's making me like the manga even more for it's multilayered dialogues and characterization.

Let me summarize again:

Japanese manga: Aoki: ・・・ほんとう・・・サムイわ　お前・・・ Ida: たしかに今日寒いな

English release: Aoki: You really are... such a slow guy... Ida: I guess we are walking pretty slow.

What I'd go for recycling the genius drama subtitles: Aoki: You... I'm getting goosebumps... Ida: It certainly is cold today.

Note: The live action lines are a bit shortened on Aoki's line and have additions on Ida's line. The line itself is literally the same line, but instead of a deadpan manga-Ida who's spacing out at that moment and more like dryly reciting a fact, Live Action-Ida's line holds much more emotional intonation, facial expression and especially gesturing.

Like rubbing his hands.

Like rubbing his hands because it's cold.

Does that ring something? Oh yes, the setup for the touching hands misunderstanding in volume 5 starts as early as in chapter 3 in volume 1. As early as chapter 3.

And now I stare at this "walking slow" and feel even more bugged. Because now it's not just not really making any sense, it's binned the first introduction of a pretty plot relevant character trait.

Also, even if you insisted on the "slow", at least make it a reference to this from 4 pages before by using the same word?

Japanese:

English release:

Japanese: 気づくのおせーよ English release: Took you long enough to realize What I would have gone for: You're so slow on the pick-up.

おせ is a colloquial shortening of 遅い (osoi) which means both slow and being late. So yes, this is a perfectly valid translation in the English release. Really no complaints there for just this line. But it's also the only line that could have presented a chance to have that "slow" not come out of complete nowhere. (Although, it still would not make any sense to me for Aoki to say it after Ida's line and his thoughts of wanting to cry----)

Gnnnnnnnggh.

(I'm a notorious frostbite myself by now. This part of Ida is also just big mood.)

(Ok, there's still the rooftop scene in volume 4 which will hint on Ida's cold sensitivity, so it won't suddenly show up in v5 and come out of nowhere and that scene is so clear on that you really can't botch it.)

(This really doesn't destroy the narrative as a whole.)

(I really know the translator couldn't have seen this coming. And it's not like I noticed this on the first three glances either, before the drama snippets drew more attention to it.)

(And I do feel bad for nagging so much on the official manga translation. It's really not a translator's job to read everything after the volume being paid for, so how would they now. And clearly they have tried about this line.)

(And I'm probably also only noticing things because I'm too invested in this series in particular, which also isn't a translator's job.)

(But still----)

(Gnaaaaaaaarghsjdfhjdf.)

It

buuuuuuuuugs

me.

(And now I kind of just want to know what translation that was in that AMV and how the rest reads itself like.)

(Also judging by the AMV, it looks like the drama is following the source material faithfully in its essence and major plot points, but is still taking creative liberties for a number of details to make it flow more smoothly and a little bit less super-deformed slapstick. This has me intrigued now, because how often do you see an adaption that remembers its medium instead of just copy and pasting the source material. And for a change, the drama typical overacting that usually makes me cringe actually suits the tone of being expressly used to be funny.)

(.....)

(Maybe this will distract me from this obnoxious bug? tiptoes out)

[lilac-vode]

mini report from Greater Good launch stream

just attended the virtual book launch with Timothy Zahn & Tom from Del Rey, and i took a few notes that were relevant to my interests!

Lesser Evil has been written and is in the process of being edited. at the moment it’s about 1/3 longer than CR and GG!!

they confirmed that LE will also have Memories chapters and guess what? they will be from the POV of “someone who could give us more insight into Thrawn, and if we read books 1 and 2 very carefully we might be able to uncover who it is” I.E. THRASS I HOPE!!!!!!!!!

TZ confirmed that Thrawn’s ability to relate/connect to sky-walkers comes partly from his knowledge that his older sister was one of them, and partly from the fact that he understands what it’s like to feel like an outsider 😭

TZ said that he absolutely would like to write more stories set in the Ascendancy and Tom encouraged us to let Del Rey know we’d like to read them :-)

quick questions Tom asked in regards to LE:

“are we going to learn more about the stories and myths and tales of Chiss history in book 3?” TZ: we will get some more of the history, yes. myths and tales, maybe not, but we will learn real history

“will we learn about the first ruling family?” TZ: yes, we will get some more information about the first ruling family!

“does a character we have met somewhere in the series have a connection to the first ruling family?” TZ: yes, we have met someone!

“are we finally going to figure out the -odo ending [that Thrawn acquired somewhere between Memories and Chapters of CR]?“ TZ: yes (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

and one more juicy tidbit: if you study the cover for the special edition of GG, that beautiful portrait by Magali Villeneuve, “there might possibly be an easter egg for book 3 hidden within”!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was a really neat little livestream, i enjoyed seeing some familiar names in the chat as well :-D

[agerefandom]

Through Anything

Fandom: Critical Role 

Characters: Jester, Beau, and Yasha. (Jester and Beau are both regressing: Yasha is contentedly between headspaces.) 

Words: 1,200

Summary: Jester redoes Yasha’s hair, with help from Beau. 

Warnings: No relevant warnings, and no CR spoilers! (one ambiguous backstory reference). 

Author’s Note: I have absolutely no idea when this fic is set :P    The song is a Stella original, I was trying to create a lullaby that had Wildmother vibes. 

“Yasha, your hair is so pretty!” Jester enthused, running her hands through it. She had been undoing the braids for almost an hour now, her clever fingers picking apart the ties, setting aside the liberated ribbons and beads. Yasha was content to sit and allow it, drifting peacefully in the feeling of Jester’s careful work. It was nice to be at ease, her friends around her and the day nearing its end. “You should wear it down sometimes.”

“It would get tangled,” Yasha said, tugging a section in front of her face so that she could run her own fingers through it. She rebraided her hair once a week, but it was much nicer when Jester helped.

“Well, I would just have to brush it more often!”

Jester loved taking care of other people’s hair, whether she was feeling young or not. It so happened that she was regressed at the moment, but that didn’t make her any less gentle as she picked Yasha’s braids apart.

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Yasha tilted her head back and closed her eyes, surrendering again to Jester’s vision.

“Brushing your hair is really fun,” Jester enthused. “I like the black part the best.” Jester rubbed her fingers over Yasha’s scalp, where her hair was darkest, and Yasha hummed in response, leaning into the touch. “You’re like a big Frumpkin!” Jester said, abandoning the braids to give Yasha some more pets. The feeling of peaceful drifting got stronger, as Jester’s fingers traced little patterns across Yasha’s head. It felt like she was floating in the air, Jester’s hands the only real things. “Good kitty,” Jester giggled.

“Is Yasha being a cat again?”

Yasha opened her eyes at the sound of Beau’s voice, squinting for a moment against the light of the setting sun.

Beau was standing beside one of the trees that lined the meadow, her arms full of a miscellany of greenery. Long vines fell over her arms, and flowers were twined between her fingers to keep them safely held. She made her way over to them and dumped the plants beside Jester, careful to keep the flowers on top of the vines so their petals didn’t get crushed.

“Is that enough, Jester?”

“That’s perfect, Beau!” Jester picked up one of the golden flowers and admired it, then tucked it behind her ear. “Do you want to sit on Yasha while I finish her hair?”

“It would be my absolute pleasure.”

Beau gave Yasha a look and Yasha immediately opened her arms. Beau took the gesture as the invitation it was, and nestled herself into Yasha’s crossed legs. Yasha wrapped her arms around her once she was settled.

There was something so wonderful about this: Beau solid and warm against her, safe in her arms, and Jester’s fingers taking apart her hair and her anxieties all at once.

“I love when you hold me like this,” Beau murmured, leaning back against Yasha’s chest. “Makes me feel so small.”

“You are small,” Yasha said. She could rest her chin on top of Beau’s head when they were curled together like this, so she did.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Beau laughed. Yasha could feel her body relaxing.

“You are allowed to be small,” Yasha corrected herself, and pressed a gentle kiss to Beau’s temple. The girl in her arms melted.

“Yasha,” Beau protested, hiding her face in uncharacteristic embarrassment.

“Beau.” Yasha mimicked her tone teasingly, rubbing her thumbs against Beau’s hips to reassure her.

“You can’t say things like that.”

“But I can.”

Jester had finished undoing the braids, and had switched to brushing Yasha’s hair out. It tugged a bit at her scalp, despite Jester’s caution, but it was easy to push aside the mild discomfort.

“I love you,” Beau said, very quietly.

“And I you,” Yasha replied. She would never get tired of hearing those words, quiet or loud, soft or angry. Beau’s love was not a simple thing, and neither was Yasha’s. But here, the three of them, it seemed as natural as breathing.

“You guys are cheesy,” Jester said. She didn’t sound like she was complaining.

“You might have a playmate, Jester,” Yasha said, squeezing her arms around Beau’s middle.

“Beau! You’re feeling little? Do you want to help with the flowers? This is the fun part!” Jester leaned against Yasha’s back, craning her neck to see Beau over Yasha’s shoulder.

“M’tired,” Beau said, reaching up to touch Jester’s hand. “No more flowers.”

“Kay, that’s just more fun for me!” Jester said, and retreated again. “Yasha, you should sing a song so Beau can sleep.”

Yasha hesitated. She knew a number of songs from her youth, but none of them were especially restful. War songs and lullabies about blood were not what she wanted to share, even if Beau and Jester didn’t know Xhorhassian. She sorted through her memory for a more appropriate melody, and eventually landed on something she had heard Caduceus singing to Caleb several nights ago.

The river runs, the leaves will fall I’ll hold onto you throughout it all. The path is long, so hold my hand The wind will blow across the land.

Close your eyes, hear it sing I’ll carry you through anything. The flowers bloom, the tide comes in, Let the time for sleep begin.

The song repeated three times, and by the time Yasha reached the last repetition, Beau was asleep against her chest.

“That was really pretty,” Jester stage-whispered. “I think I’m done your hair. Do you want to see?”

“Of course.”

Jester flounced in front of Yasha, brandishing a silver mirror. It used to have a communication enchantment, which had long since been used up, but Jester still carried it around to check her hair and pretend to talk to.

In its polished reflection, Yasha could see herself: paint washed off, pale skin free of colour. Jester had intertwined the beads and flowers into Yasha’s hair, so that the braids were longer and fell across her shoulders. The flowers were stark against the black and white of her hair, a rainbow of colours held together by bright ribbons.

“I love it, Jester,” Yasha said truthfully, holding a hand to her heart.

Jester squealed quietly and jumped in a circle, trying not to wake Beau with her outburst of energy.

“Can I do it again tomorrow?”

“If we stop early enough, absolutely.” Yasha knew the flowers wouldn’t last long in her hair, but they were beautiful, and she would love to have them redone the next day. Yasha brought up a hand, and brushed it against the soft petals strewn through her hair.

She would have loved this.

The thought was bittersweet, but Yasha smiled through it.

“Thank you, Jester. Should we return to the others?”

“Yes! I have leftover flowers and I want to see if Nott will let me do her hair next.” Jester excitedly gathered up the remaining greenery, and Yasha carefully lifted Beau into her arms. Beau stirred, mumbled something questioning, and subsided back against Yasha’s shoulder.

“Sleep, Beau.” Yasha followed Jester back towards the campsite the others were setting up, her newly braided hair cascading down her back. “I’ve got you.”

[utilitycaster]

Updated Class Choices in Actual Play: main PCs

Original post here, I’m just doing the whole thing again instead of reblogging or something like that. Since making this post I’ve fully caught up with NADDPod and RQG and there’s been several new D20 seasons, so LET’S GO

potential spoilers for anything that isn’t a one-shot in Critical Role, TAZ Balance or Graduation, NADDPod, RQG, Relics and Rarities, and all D20 seasons. Also for reference: I’m counting Trinyvale and The Mavrus Chronicles as main campaigns, as well as all the D20 sidequests.

If a player or a PC leaves/character dies mid-campaign the character still counts as a main PC, as does that player’s replacement if the player themselves didn’t leave (eg: both Scanlan and Taryon are considered main PCs for CR campaign 1).

In a couple cases I did have to guess regarding what the base class was, for characters who were multiclass builds from the start, and I’ll note that.

Rusty Quill Gaming is pathfinder rather than D&D, and subclasses don’t fully line up (as for classes, most do and I’m counting Cel’s class as Artificer/Alchemist subclass in D&D).

In the case of subclass or class changes, which has happened a few times in D20 in particular, I’ve noted the change

Keep reading if you want the actual information!

Fighter is the most common, with 11, plus two multiclass dips into fighter. And, like D&D at large, human fighter is a very popular race/class combination. Champion is the most common subclass, with four characters (Magnus from TAZ, Hardwon from NADDPod, Fabian from Fantasy High, and Veros from Relics and Rarities). All but Fabian are humans, at least to start off, and Fabian and later Hardwon are half-elves. Bertie from RQG likely would have been the champion archetype in D&D as well. There are two battlemasters (Boomer and Jet, both from D20), and then it’s all over the place. The multiclassers are both barbarians multiclassed into battlemaster (Grog and Amethar). Of the fighters, one multiclassed into a rogue, one into a bard, and one (Jet) switched into fighter having originally been a rogue.

[edit on Nov 28 per an anon ask - Magnus is actually a Battlemaster despite Big Champion Energy! which means of the fighter-as-main-class, we have 3 each of champions and battlemasters, and Bertie from RQG which is pathfinder, and then one each of gunslinger (Percy), eldritch knight (Theo), arcane archer (Hungry Dave), and echo knight (Henry)]

Cleric is next up with 10, plus three characters who multiclassed into cleric. There’s no clear favorite for subclass - grave is the only domain with two characters (Caduceus and Efink) and the rest vary. Two characters, Kristen Applebees and Zolf Smith, have changed domains (and deities) over the courses of their respective campaigns. All but one of the dwarven main characters in actual play has been a cleric, and there have been a few humans, but otherwise it’s again pretty scattered. The multiclasses have also not shown a clear favorite (1 war, 1 city, 1 tempest). Note: I considered Fia and Saccharina both to be multiclasses into cleric, as well as Bob; no cleric base classes have multiclassed into another class. All the multiclasses into cleric are other spellcasting classes (wizard, sorcerer, and bard).

Barbarian and rogue are tied with 9 characters each, plus one multiclass into barbarian and three into rogue.

Barbarian: three berserkers, two each of ancestral guardian and zealot, and one each of wild soul and storm herald. There are two half-orcs and otherwise no race preference. As mentioned, two multiclassed into battlemaster fighters; there’s also a multiclass from barbarian into sorcerer (Fitzroy) and artificer (Gorgug). The lone multiclass into barbarian is Moonshine Cybin, a druid.

Rogue: there are two arcane tricksters, two inquisitives, and two swashbucklers, plus an assassin, a mastermind, and Sasha Racket who in D&D would probably be a thief. Thanks to D20 being like “toy is a race now” it’s hard to say what the overall race breakdown is, even counting all A Crown of Candy characters as human variants, but there are 1.5 goblins (Nott/Veth being the 0.5) and three confirmed humans (Ruby Rocks, Sasha Racket, and Marcus St. Vincent). Of the multiclasses into rogue, two are rangers who chose the assassin subclass (Vex and Liam Wilhemina) and one is a fighter (Magnus Burnsides, subclass not clear). The two rogues who multiclassed are Vax, who took levels in vengeance paladin and one in druid, and Ruby, who took levels in shadow sorcerer. (note: Jet Rocks is counted as a fighter as she gave up her rogue class entirely, but she was a rogue to start)

Bard is next with 8 characters, all but one of whom (swords) is a lore subclass, with one multiclass into bard. Fig Faeth was formerly a college of whispers bard, but switched into lore during Fantasy High Live. There are two tieflings and two fairies from D20, who I believe use elf stats, plus a high elf, a human, a gnome, and an aasimar. The multiclass into bard is Fabian Seacaster, a fighter; the multiclasses from a bard base class are Fig (into hexblade) and Bob (into city cleric).

Druid and Paladin are the next most common, with six characters; there is one multiclass into druid and two into paladin (and Vax is responsible for most of this)

Druid: The only repeat subclass is circle of the shepherd (Kugrash and Lillith) - the rest all again all over the place, and all six have different races. The multiclass into druid is the aforementioned Vax (rogue and paladin); the only druid to multiclass out is the aforementioned Moonshine (into barbarian).

Paladin: two oath of devotion (one of which, Ricky Matsui, switched to oath of redemption), one oath of the ancients and for a while, vengeance (Beverly), one oathbreaker (Cody “Night Angel” Walsh) and two are from pathfinder and difficult to determine from a D&D standpoint (Grizzop, of Artemis, and Azu, of Aphrodite). The races are completely all over the place again. None of the paladins have multiclassed, but there are two multiclasses into paladin (Vax and Fjord, a rogue and warlock respectively, into oath of vengeance and oath of the open sea, also respectively).

We have a four-way tie for next most common, with five each of ranger, sorcerer, warlock, and wizard.

Ranger: two beast master, two gloomstalker, and a hunter. There are two half-elves (Vex and Nyack) and no other real patterns. No one has multiclassed into ranger, but Vex and Liam W. both as mentioned multiclassed into assassin rogues.

Sorcerer: three draconic, one storm, and one wild magic. Two are human, and there are no other preferences for race. One (Saccharina) multiclassed into tempest cleric, and there are two multiclasses into sorcerer, both from battle classes (Fitzroy, a barbarian, into wild magic, and Ruby, a rogue, into shadow).

Warlock: three are hexblades, because let’s face it that class is extremely cool, one is a celestial warlock and one is a genie. No significant race overlap (technically, Lapin Cadbury uses the human stat block, and Iga is human) (I am assuming pactwraiths have revenant stats but like. who knows). The common ground for multiclassing into warlock is “Emily Axford likes to play hexblades”, with both Fig and Sofia taking levels in it; Fjord is the only warlock to multiclass out, into oath of the open sea paladin.

Wizard: two transmutation, one divination, one necromancer, and one chronurgist. Two are high elves, with no other preferences for race; Fia is the only one to have multiclassed (into war cleric) and no one has multiclassed into wizard.

And finally, tied for last but with four each, we have monk and artificer.

Monk: no subclass overlap until Sofia switched to Way of Shadow, but three are humans and one is probably a human equivalent (bittyfolk from Tiny Heist) - the subclasses represented are Cobalt Soul, Drunken Master, Shadow, and Long Death. No multiclasses into monk (like ranger, monk doesn’t offer too many benefits in a multiclass dip) but Sofia Bicicleta took a level in hexblade warlock.

Artificer: despite not being made official until relatively recently, this caught up, thanks to Zonk Verbena Zirk Vervain. Three are either alchemists or probably the equivalent thereof (Taryon is based on the UA version but is pretty clearly not a gunsmith, and Cel’s class is technically Alchemist, not Artificer, but Artificer with the alchemist subclass is probably the closest 5e equivalent), and one is an artillerist; no race preference. None have multiclassed, but Gorgug (barbarian) has taken a level in artificer.

And finally, there is one Bloodhunter, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Lucien is his name, murdering Cerberus Assembly members is his game.

-----------------------

several other fun facts from the giant list I made to do this:

Number of characters who have switched races or bodies during their campaign: 3

Number of characters who have switched deities/patrons during their campaign: 7

Number of characters who have briefly not had a class while their party was mid-level, with said change representing a major turning point for their character, but then came back stronger than ever having addressed the negative behaviors they learned from a seafaring father figure and having acquired a new plot-relevant weapon, and immediately multiclassed into a class that uses charisma for spellcasting: only two but it’s weird it happened twice

Number of characters whose first name or nickname is a food or drink: 6

Number of characters whose first name or nickname is a food or drink from A Crown of Candy: 0

Number of characters who typically go by only one name (ie, actively do not use their last name or any titles): 18

Number of characters who go by a given name and title/descriptor (eg: Adjective Firstname, Firstname the Title, Firstname of the Place): 8

Number of characters with three-part names (first, middle, last): 2

Number of characters with four-part names (first, two middles/a two-word nickname, last): 3

Number of characters with no name: 1

Percival Friedrickstein Von Musel Klossowski De Rolo III: but you can call him Percy

[theres-no-protocol-for-this]

Corrupt Data

This has now taken up room in my head, rent free. A concept from Discord took on a life of its own. I’m sure there will be more parts, maybe, possibly.

Now also on AO3 - https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096524/chapters/68840307

ART and I were watching a new serial when my communications array malfunctioned. The drama series was decent, if entirely unrealistic, and it had several spunky heroes who rescued everyone. I liked them the same way ART liked the show’s vastly overpowered ship.

When it was time to meet with the rest of the crew, I got up from the couch and headed for the lounge door.

"More when you get back?" ART asked me.

I went to answer that I might not be back for a couple of days, which ART knew because it had its crews entire schedule, but all that came out was garbage data. I tried the feed and got much the same results.

It was actually irritating.

Running a quick diagnostic revealed thousands of errors in my comm module, and the tool narrowed the problem down to corrupt storage on one of my functional partitions. The broken bit of storage housed critical processing components, and that only made me more irritated.

What was that? ART's attention was now directed at me, full force, like it was trying to stare holes into my forehead, and it was uncomfortable.

I sent it the diagnostic results, but my comms managed to garble that, too. About the only thing they couldn't mess up was visual data -- so long as it was wordless -- and sigils. I made a little video of what the fuck was wrong and sent that to ART instead, just so it would shut up.

Huh.

I sent it an image of a giant question mark.

It looks like the data corruption nearly destroyed your communication subroutines, the transport explained. It didn’t sarcastic, which worried me. You’ll want to segment the faulty partition off completely before something else vital accidentally gets transferred there. Then it added, I’ll write you a quick patch to fix the comms module.

I rolled my eyes at the ceiling even though I’m aware ART isn’t up there. It was habit by then. I can deal with my own errors, although the transport would definitely write code quicker than I could. 

You'll have to let me into your head, it told me as it pulled up a shared workspace where it could look over the broken code segments. It should take me about an hour to build a patch.

An hour I didn't technically have because ART's crew was about to meet with a CR representative and wanted me there in case things turned ugly. I gave ART access, and it dumped the relevant code fragments into our shared space. It didn't look healthy -- I could tell without even digging into it. Thankfully, I didn't need to talk to look menacing, which is what ART's crew needed from me for the next day or two.

I'll tell Seth you won't make it.

I shook my head no and kept walking.

This is a terrible idea, ART warned me. You shouldn't be working while dealing with data corruption. Let me fix this first. My crew won't mind waiting a little while or getting started without you. It's not like you take sick days.

I shook my head again.

I'll tell Dr. Mensah.

I stared at the nearest camera and gave ART the middle finger.

Mensah, Amena, and Pin-Lee were currently aboard to help deal with whatever CR machinations were causing New Tidelands grief. I didn't know any of the details and honestly didn't care.

How about a couple of Sanctuary Moon episodes?

"No!" Gibberish still came out, but it was exactly two letters long so ART would have a pretty good idea of my opinion. "Ga!"

In either case, I wasn't going to be talking to anyone for the next hour. I was pretending to be a SecUnit, and we didn't talk to clients much. I started a background process to isolate the faulty storage and made my way to the external airlock where we were all meeting.

Dr. Mensah stopped me in the hall outside the mess hall. She looked worried and upset, and I was pretty sure that was my fault somehow. "The Perihelion  tells me you're not feeling well."

I shrugged.

"Are you sure you should be going on a mission?" She frowned at me. "It's all right to take a few hours of personal time and get fixed up."

So, ART had told her. I wanted to argue that she hadn't taken time off after getting kidnapped, and she couldn't make me. It was in the contract, the one I wasn't sticking to anymore because I was getting to know my humans. And ART's humans.

You're being stubborn. The transport sounded miffed. Come back to the lounge and let's watch TV together. I'll be done in no time.

I flipped ART off again. This was none of its business. Shaking my head, I walked away. Maybe it would be nice and let its crew know, maybe not.

Seth waved at me from the airlock door. "Hey! Looks like we're both a little early. Thanks again for doing this for us."

I nodded and managed a smile.

"The others are almost here."

SecUnit's not feeling well, ART said in the feed.

I rolled my eyes and sighed.

Dr. Mensah had followed me and now chatted with Seth. "SecUnit is experiencing a comm array malfunction," she told the other human. I think she had ART figured out. "Please keep an eye on it."

I don't need babysitting. I was grumbling nonsense under my breath when she shook her head at me. "Just be extra careful out there, OK? I know you can take care of yourself, I know." Mensah's face did something complicated that made me feel oddly safe. "But imagine sending a good friend into hostile territory where you know the opposition are high strung assholes. It never gets easier."

I patted her shoulder. It was weird, but it made her smile and that was worth it.

[moderndaybard]

2020 Critmas Fic Day 17

When All Else Fails (CR C2 Ficlet)

-

It’s easy to be calm when you have magic.

Of course, Caduceus had never attributed his steady nature to the power that he wielded—had never considered it, honestly. If anything, he would have said it was merely because there was no reason to worry about things that were beyond his control (there had always been those who took care of the ‘big stuff’ in his life—first, his parents, then his goddess), only focus on and do what he could—

—he just hadn’t realized how much he’d come to rely on his magic for the ‘what he could do’ part.

The farther into Eiselcross that they pushed in their desperate attempt to thwart the Tomb Taker’s plans, the more and more magic went…wrong. It started with teleportation magic, and that they expected, been warned about. But then Jester’s Sending spell became garbled, incomprehensible to both parties (Veth and Caleb immediately tested Message, only to find the lower-level spell was likewise affected), then evocation spells began to either fizzle or (worse) backfire, then neither Caleb nor Jester were able to control what kinds of creatures they or their targets became when using Polymorph—little by little, the list of spells at the Nein’s disposal dwindled and diminished.

Then healing magic stopped working.

…

They were underground in yet another fragment of Aeor’s ruins, and the Tomb Takers were there as well—attacking from the shadows and then vanishing, moved to desperation by how close their goal now seemed. Just when it seemed like things couldn’t get any worse (none of them had said it aloud, but perhaps thinking it was enough to bring about disaster) a portion of the cavern collapsed, spitting the Nein (at least, he hoped they were just separated by the rubble; that there weren’t crushed and broken bodies where moments before had been the rest of his friends). Oh, and his Light cantrip now refused to work. Great.

Stay calm.

How long had it been since he’d had to tell himself that? But as he took a moment in the pitch dark (humans and halflings weren’t the only races without darkvision), he found it more difficult than expected to slow his racing heart. He listened intently—at least one person was moving around, sitting up, and he could at least hear pained and labored breathing from one other individual.

Two of his friends were here, two of his friends needed his help. Focus on what you can do…

“Caduceus?”

Fjord’s voice—Fjord was the one sitting up slowly. (In pain or just being cautious? He couldn’t tell yet. Who was down? Who was injured?) “Here. who else is here, Fjord?” He tried not to sound too worried—he was the calm one, after all—but he couldn’t see and someone needed him.

And you will help them—just stay calm.

“It’s Veth. She’s unconscious; looks pretty hurt.” There was a pause, then a surprised, “I couldn’t heal her. It didn’t work.”

Please let it be that he’s out of spell slots and forgot—

“Caduceus, Lay on Hands isn’t working, either!”

If he was ever one to curse, it would have been that moment. “Where is she? I can’t see—”

The half-orc’s hand was on his arm then, gently steering him to the halfling’s crumpled form. (He could feel Fjord’s tension—not trembling, but on edge, holding together for now, but if Caduceus couldn’t stay calm, would Fjord be far behind?) He reached Veth, tried to feel for the worst injuries. “Is there a head wound? Does it look like she broke any bones?”

“There’s blood down the left side of her face, and that arm’s at a bad angle. Might have been the same rock, but at least it knocked her this way instead of trapping her under…”

Fjord’s voice trailed off as they both tried very hard not to picture that outcome (or think about those still unaccounted for and what may have happened to them in the cave-in). Caduceus reached for his own healing magic, which he knew he was not out of—

—Nothing.

Another surge of panic, this one harder to tamp down. Spare the Dying—a cantrip he’d almost forgotten in the long months since it had been relevant, useful—did cast and take hold, but did nothing more than anchor the badly-injured rogue to life. It didn’t fix anything—he needed to fix this.

Fjord’s hand was on his shoulder now, voice somehow as steady as Caduceus didn’t feel at the moment. “How can I help Caduceus? What do you need?”

I need my magic!—But did he? He’d learned to be a healer long before Melora had gifted him her power. But it had been so long since then, and here in the dark and ruin of a city swallowed by its own magic, with no idea if the others were alive or not—

“I need your eyes,” he said at last, still holding himself together, if barely. He passed his bag to the half-orc. “After I you get what I ask you for from there, I’m going to need your help setting her arm.”

Mentally reviewing what he would need to do to clean, bind, and set what he could helped to steady and ground him, and the feeling of Fjord beside him—inexperienced in the healing arts perhaps, but able to respond to disaster with an act-now-worry-later mentality that Caduceus needed in that moment—helped him to push through the panic and remain more in control enough to do what he could.

…

It’s easier to be calm when you have friends.

-

(Also on AO3, with my other fics)

[goblin-gardens]

(1/2) I’m not sure if you’re the right person to send this to but I wanna say this to someone so: when Caleb was revealed as bi/pan, I saw a lot of people saying stuff like “duh of course he is” and it really pisses me off bc I feel like they’re undermining the importance of Liam confirming that? CR’s cast members have a habit of making jokes about mlm (like making a joke about caleb/fjord being endgame or someone calling vax bicurious) and as a MLM I’ve always felt very invalidated by it.

(2/2) Caleb being queer was such a big deal to me bc, as much as I’d hoped for it to be true, I never in a million years expected it because of all the jokes. When I heard Liam begin to talk so seriously about Caleb‘s feelings towards Essek my initial reaction was “nah you’re reading into it too much”, but I *wasn’t*, and it made me cry. Maybe this isn’t a big deal to everyone else, but it adds so much new depth to my viewing experience, knowing that this character likes men. Anyway I’m done sry 

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Thank you for sharing this with me! I hope I am the right person, because I have a lot to say!

It is so important how straightforward Liam has been about Caleb’s attraction to Essek. I can’t speak as much to Vax, as I haven’t seen the entirety of C1, but it definitely seems like Liam took him seriously as well. It’s not that there’s no other bi characters out there, but CR has been a very unique piece of media. (I say has been because the field of D&D podcasts and shows is expanding massively, and is full to bursting with wonderful (and queer!) content.)

Caleb’s bisexuality is important, both in the broader context of Increasing Representation In Media, and on an individual level to fans like you and me.

And yeah, the jokes...... they can really, really suck. No two ways around it. I think what it boils down to is the cast are making jokes with their friends, and they have years of built-up trust and the ability to tell each other when something crosses a line. As viewers, we simply do not have those same tools, and additionally we all have different boundaries. So they might all be laughing along with a joke, but we’re suddenly sitting here being laughed at, because it’s turned a corner and it’s not funny to us any more. And our choices are grit our teeth through it or turn it off. It sucks!

And fandom. Well. There’s nothing like someone else writing an op ed that backs all your enthusiasm into a defensive corner to take the wind out of your sails.

But back to the good stuff: Caleb loves men! You (and I) didn’t read too much into it. It’s real, and it really matters. We spend a lot of time with these characters. Not only watching these monstrously long weekly episodes, and consuming these stories that unfold over the course of actual years, but also engaging in the fandom, making fanworks and just sitting and thinking about them. And the canon content unfolds in real-time, without music cues or slick editing to influence our perceptions. There is, frankly, a helluva lot to read in to. Feeling kinship (and queer kinship, which is just-- so special) with a character, and having that be reflected back, and validated, and confirmed, without equivocation and without jokes, fuck yes that’s important!!

(Like, I can talk about how much I love Dairon and Bryce Feelid until the cows come home, but if once of the PCs I have Nonbinary Feelings about (for the record, all of them) got confirmed trans, fuck yes I’d cry! The whole campaign would be cast in a new light! My light! I am the sun, and everything my light touches is queer.)

Anon, please believe that I am doing my level best to reach through my computer and hug you. You’re not the only one who sees this as important. I saw the cast interact with the possibility of attraction between Caleb and Essek in a way that seem both oblivious and joking. Like many straight friends have been known to do. I thought, “I feel like Caleb is being played as a queer man, but I don’t think that it will be discussed unless it becomes “relevant”, specifically if an active romance plot arises”. I thought, the jokes will continue, and they’ll just be about sex, or the inherent comedy (/sarcasm/) of a man being attracted to other men, and I’ll just have to know in my heart that Caleb moves through the world in a queer way. I’ll just Know, and be content with my own knowledge. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again, I’m sure. But then, I don’t have to! MLM Caleb Is Real, and is not a joke, not to his creator. Knowing that Caleb has been bi or pan this whole time, just existing as a queer man in this story and this world is just ! It’s just the feeling “!” (oh and also <3)

[itsomgitsgreenblogging]

CR Meta: Caleb is the Archeart Champion

Okay, full disclosure. I am not one to write meta often, but this has been kicking around in my brain since I first started watching CR and I wanted to see if any else has any ideas to help put this picture together. 

Caleb is destined to be the Archeart Champion (Archeart being the gods of arcane magic and the fey). When the gang is level 18 or whatever and goes to get the aid of gods to take down Tharizdun, Caleb will be the Archeart Champion. 

1. Caleb has a fey familiar. Of course this all starts with the obvious. Out of the different types of familiars, Caleb has a fey familiar. He is connected with the fey in day to day life. Is Frumpkin a fey king? Likely. 

 2. Caleb can speak Sylvan (the fey language, why does he speak the fey language and how did he come to learn it we don't know).  It's just interesting because language is such an important part of Caleb's character, right? All of the languages, even Celestial which he has bonded with Yasha over. But never did I remember him talking about Sylvan when Cad actually speaks it too!! Of course Caleb might not know if Cad speaks it...but firbolgs are fey creatures so I mean...What is so different about Sylvan that Caleb never mentions it?? Literally I’ve been looking and I don’t think Caleb has ever said he speaks Sylvan to another character in game. Why the secrets sir?????

 3. He was saved by a cleric of the Archeart who was in the same institute as him, probably also being treated the same way, some how broke out of her trance long enough to perform some serious magic on Caleb specifically for what purpose?? Hello?? It took Pike a Greater Restoration to cure Shanak of his madness. Did the Archeart intervene on Caleb’s behalf and give the cleric the strength to save him? We also know that fifteen minutes later the cleric was once again lost to insanity after she saved Caleb so why????

 4. With the fish people he took a Archeart symbol, after actively looking for one. We know the Archeart is important at the very least because of the lady, and Caleb at least respects her and the Archeart because of it. Also for a relatively non-religious character, this was the one time I could think of that he actively did something...you know, for a God. I don’t think Caleb ever mentioned the Archeart symbol to the M9, and has actually held onto the Archeart symbol since then. 

5. A looser connection, but also weirdly relevant. How Caleb uses kennings and titles to refer to people (aka calling Nott his “little green friend” and how he calls all old people Grandmother and Grandfather). Caleb also has a weird relationship with his own name, and we all know how important names are to the fey...and probably to the Gods of the Fey. 

6. Caleb is a wizard...the Archeart are the deity of arcane magic...aka wizard shit. 

7. Not super specific to Caleb but is relevant...the Traveler is an archfey. I’m chewing on that fact.

I would love if anyone else had any thoughts on this to add them! I am certainly not an expert nor do I have all the information. BUT I do think there is something here and I would love to know what other people think.