#i just want my relatives to think i just died and forget about me completely

[ciervobizarro]

.

[hauntedwitch04]

Lucifer I

Nyx Acheron x reader

Words: about 5.0k words

Warnings: blood, death, murder, sad things in general, shitty biological family

Author's note: This is a request by a follower on Wattpad, that I personally loved and I wrote this during the night. It's not complited, the second part will be out soon, but it was getting to long. Hope you like it loves, your witch Becky

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"Say one more word and I swear I'll cut out your tongue." You say looking at the young prince of the night, who reciprocates by looking at you amused.

"Uncle Az, tell your hound dog to stay put." Nyx replies, as he rises from the chair in the meeting room we are in. For a moment you forget about him and end up looking around, and you wonder if little te knew this would happen to her in the future, if she would believe it. When Azriel found you, hiding in a cave not far from the Illyrian camp from which you had escaped, he was shocked at how long you had lasted alone in the woods. It had been weeks now since you had managed to escape what was left of my family, yet you still had not managed to wash away completely the blood of your sisters that had remained under your nails.

After your parents had died, my father in battle and my mother in childbirth, the chief of our tribe had decided to assign you to the only relatives left for you and your sisters namely your uncles, evil and mean people who had only money in mind and how to accumulate more and more of it, and because of this however small you were, you had to start working right away. Also living with you was our mother's mother, a bigoted and unintelligent woman bound by the stupid traditions of the barbaric people of which I am a part, who from early on you knew would present a threat to your wings. Not a day went by when she did not complain that you had not yet bled or find ways to make it happen, but you in response had studied every book and document you could about it and made sure to find every remedy you could to delay the arrival of what would spell the end of your last freedom. And the same you did with your sisters when they began to grow up, honoring the memory of your parents by asking them for help every night.

After spending years and years being a slave, on your twentieth birthday you woke up with red-stained blankets and immediately a new fear took its place in your body. You could already hear voices coming toward the room you shared with your sisters, and without a second thought you had jumped up waking the other two girls and telling them to take what you had prepared to run away. Within minutes you were already running through the woods, looking for a safe place to live for a while until you figured out how to do it. Over time you had also learned to hunt, and so you were not afraid to live in the woods; what you were afraid of was your family.

A little over an hour had passed when you heard voices coming from behind.

"Baby, I don't want to hurt you. You know we have to, it's time for you to become a real woman." Yelled your uncle in an obnoxious, sarcastic voice, and you only increased your pace, which soon turned again into a hopeless race dragging your sisters toward what you hoped would be salvation.

"Do you really think those wings make you somebody! You are nothing if a little slut trying to escape from a future that is already written! Hurry up and I promise I won't rip your wings off, just keep playing hide-and-seek and I'll take all the time I can to do what I want with you!" Yells your uncle again, before laughing out loud. "Do you think we haven't found your stupid plant books, to delay your bleeding, do you think we're that stupid? That alone could be enough of a death sentence for you, do you really want to make your situation worse!?" He continued, and you felt a cold chill run down your spine. For a moment you thought about turning yourself in, then the image of all those girls you had seen suffer or even die for what they had done to their wings came into your mind, and so you began to run even harder, until you found yourself in front of a cave. You had found it a while ago, trying to catch something in the woods, and it had seemed like a good hiding place. You told your sisters to go inside, while you went for a second to retrieve some weapons you had hidden in a hollow log two minutes away from there, intimating to them to keep quiet if they did not want to be discovered. Yet all was in vain.

One minute. Sixty seconds. Twenty blinks. One moment.

It only took a moment to kill your sisters. Your uncle found them, and because they tried to escape he killed them on the spot, stabbing them in the stomach.

You arrived at the moment when you saw the youngest among the three of you fall, the one who being the eldest daughter you had the pleasure of holding first, while the middle one was already on the ground lifeless. You saw in her eyes the life slip away, like sand running through your fingers.

"So you won't run away like your useless sister." Said your uncle, looking at her handiwork before turning away. "Where is he right now, anyway? He abandoned you, he doesn't even have the courage to face me, yet he has the courage to leave you here to die." He continued.

"Turn around asshole, and face your fate." Whispers your sister, dying, amid blood spit on the ground and moans of pain. "I hope his blade is as sharp as your tongue." She continues, before telling you with her lips that she loved you, and then letting the life that animated her flow out of her.

Your uncle turned and for a moment his face was crossed with pure and simple fear, coming the anger that animated your face. A few simple sword movements, and in a few seconds he was in front of you on his knees, praying to your goodness, which in his regard had left you years ago. Blood gushed from his lips like lava from a volcano as you watched life fade away behind his tar-black pupils.

"I hope you will suffer as much as you made us suffer, and that Mother will have a special punishment for you. You killed the only family I had left, and for that I will take from you what you took from me: life." You said, looking down into his eyes. He spat in your face in response.

"Do you think you are so much better than me? You too will take the life of another human being, even your hands will be stained with blood, you and I are not much different." He said, before spitting more blood at my feet. "Besides, do you really think they will not notice that I am not going back to the village? Do you really think they won't come looking for me and find you here with all these dead people? Do you think you'll get away with it? O deluded little bitch, they will kill you, and then there we will be in the same cage before Lucifer."

"See you in hell then." You whispered before finally cutting his neck and letting his blood create a pool at your feet.

For hours you felt like an automaton as you carried your uncle's body out of the cave and buried it not far from there. Once you had stowed away all the earth, you turned to where your sisters still lay and for the first time truly felt their death strike you with an axe blow to the chest, whereas before you were too busy still brooding over anger and revenge. In a few steps you found yourself on the ground, your hands grasping their bloody clothes as you clutched them to your chest, crying hot and bitter tears. You screamed in every language you knew against every deity you remembered, as you begged anyone to take you in their place and let them live their lives. You spent the whole night crying and screaming, so much so that by morning you had no voice left. Once the sun came up you realized what you looked like. Your arms were completely bloody, especially your hands, where blood had even gone under your fingernails. Long minutes passed before you conceived the fact that you had to bury your sisters as well. This time, however, was different. You found a beautiful clearing full of lavender flowers and laughed at the irony. You had always loved lavender very much, and your sisters always teased you about it, and now the place where they would find peace would be just that. You slowly dug two pits next to each other in the shade of a willow tree, and gently placed their bodies, wrapped in blankets, as tears continued to stream down your face. You looked one last time at their bodies, so small and helpless at that moment, before covering them with the earth. Once finished you lay there on top of them, waiting for the dead to come for you too, feeling guilty for their death and for killing a man, seeing the blood still staining your hands. You screamed, cried again as you had done the night before, then you heard a rustling in the plants, and like a vision your sisters appeared to you holding hands with your mother, surrounded by shadows. By now it had become night, but you did not even realize it too engrossed in crying.

Immediately you were frightened by the scene and jumped to your feet, then you calmed down and realized that you had not gone crazy, but there were really them in front of you. You ran toward them, and tried to hug each of them three times, failing, and falling all three times into the void. Immediately the tears came back to you.

"I thought I was dead. I thought I had atoned for my sins, and instead I'm still here. I don't deserve to live, please do something help me." You asked, kneeling in front of them, looking down, and at that moment you felt like a gust of wind settling on your shoulder, so you looked up and saw that your mother had placed her hand on his shoulder and was looking at you fondly.

"My child, do not think that our death is your fault. You, on the contrary, did everything you could do. You must keep fighting, you cannot let yourself go like this. You must live for us, too." She said, but you shook your head, not believing you could.

"I am not so strong mom, I allowed them to hurt them. I-I don't think I can go on alone anymore. I am not strong enough." You whisper, as you go back to slump on the ground.

"Don't even think that. You have come this far, you must live for us too. We will never abandon you, we will become your janitors." She said making a gesture to indicate the shadows that surrounded her and your sisters. As if they understood the topic of conversation they moved toward you, twisting like a snake along your arms, until they reached your ear and whispered something to you. You were not even surprised to understand them, no matter how surreal this situation was. You watched intently as those night-colored pythons came to life around you, until you looked up again and saw that your mother was now retreating with your sisters, back to where they had come from.

"Where are you going!? Don't leave me!" You screamed, getting up and running toward them, but the shadows held you, like worried hands holding someone dear.

"You can't follow us where we go love, now we have to go back where we came from, we have already been away too much according to the rules. Take care dear and remember we love you. Enjoy every second of your life, don't remember the past, create a new future." Those were your mother's last words to you as your sisters waved goodbye, also with tears in their eyes.

At that moment I became a shadowsinger.

And so you returned to being alone, in the middle of the night, surrounded by shreds of darkness that moved with a life of their own.

"My lady must go and wash the blood off her clothes, and she will attract wild animals." The shadows say in your ear, as they urge you to get up. You resist a little at first, to be guided by them, who like an invisible wet nurse took care of you, for the first few days where you still had to get used to the situation. A week later you were fully back to yourself, and nothing could stop you. You kept moving from one place to another so they would not find you until one morning you heard a rustling among the plants, but your shadows that time told you something different that struck you.

"Honey, this time the one chasing us is someone like you." They said, as you were setting a new trap to catch some small game.

"Like us, you mean another shadowsinger?" You asked confused, torn between wanting to escape and wanting to know.

"That's right honey." They replied, before going forward.

A few minutes passed before a man, an Illyrian, emerged from behind the plants, but you soon realized that you did not know him.

"Hello." He said first, smiling slightly as he put his hands forward to show you that he had no hidden weapons to hurt you. "I would just like to talk to you."

You looked at him wary, then you saw a shadow emerge from his back, exactly like those adorning your shoulders, and immediately you felt understood. You saw his shadows go to his ears, as if to report something to him, and immediately his eyes widened as his face changed, looking at you with sorry eyes and a sorrowful smile on his lips.

"You are also like me. "You affirmed as you approached, he without warning embraced you, holding your slender, exhausted body in his mighty arms.

"I'm sorry." He said in a choked voice as he gently stroked your back. "Who has passed away?" He asked, trying to understand how you had managed to get what for him was a curse.

"My mother and sisters. They failed to protect them. My mother I failed to save all those years ago, while the others I left alone, and my uncle killed them." You whispered, as you let go in his arms in a desperate cry.

"Then you really are the girl from the village they are looking for." He said as he looked into your eyes, and you saw tears forming in his, as if he also remembered at this moment a past and distant pain, still alive in him though. "They sent me to find you, saying that a crazy dangerous murderer, but I think they actually are." He continues laughing, before asking another question. "Where is your uncle?"

"I killed him." You said in a hard, impassive voice and then looked at him coldly, or at least tried to, but the fear you were feeling clearly shone through your eyes. "I will accept whatever punishment you want to give me, but please don't take me back there. I ran away because they wanted to clip my wings, and now I'm afraid of what they would have in store for me, and I suspect it's worse than death." You asked, as more tears ran down your face.

He shook his head, before taking off his jacket and laying it on your shoulders.

"My dear, you will come with me, I will never take you back to that shitty place." He said softly as he stroked your face, and for the first time you felt the scars adorning his palms, and you were shocked by the contrast between his soft voice and his rough skin.

"I am Azriel, the High Lord's chief spy, and you will come with me to Velaris, where I will teach you everything I know about the shadows we share. After all, I've always wanted a little sister, and I'm sure Cassian will be impressed with your skills as well." He said, as he pointed you to a place in the forest devoid of trees. "I have to warn you though, we're a little crazy as a family." He continued, but you froze.

"Wait, I have to do something first." You said before running one last time to that lavender field, to which you had gone every day to see your sisters.

"It's not goodbye, it's goodbye. I will be back soon, as soon as I can. I love you all. I will live for you." You confessed at their graves, amid sobs before returning to Azriel.

He looked at you with compassion and together you took off into the air, and only when you arrived in Velaris did you realize that your life had really changed, and that a new adventure was beginning.

"Hey baby all right?" You eventually hear Azriel's voice, concerned, as he leans over the table to take your hands. You are the only one with whom he shows physical affection, trusting only you, and of course Gwyn, whom you regard as a mother.

Over time your relationship has proven to be more like that between a father and a daughter than between a brother and a sister. He has from the very beginning taken care of you, and you of him at times when he needed it, you have always supported each other, and a bond flows between you that is stronger than just a blood bond. You look into his eyes and see his doubt gripping him, but it still does not invade your mind, leaving you space. Nyx also seems to have quieted down. You and he have never gotten along too well, ever since you first met. You have been part of the Inner circle for ten years now, but the two of you only met five years ago, since he was studying on the mainland before that.

He, from the beginning saw you as a rival, and even being a couple of years younger, felt that his place as a protected and beloved prince of the court was being undermined by you.

He never understood the real reason why his uncle took you with them, and that was also because you had never shared your story with anyone outside of Az and his mate, not wanting others to see you as weak.

"Yeah all right, I was thinking about how not to kill that asshole during the mission." You say, trying to sound convincing, and apparently succeeding because everyone is giggling, outside of Az and Nyx who don't look very convinced.

"Oh come on Lucifer, we both know that the better of the two is me." He tries to comment, but you can still read the uncertainty in his eyes not believing your words.

"In your dreams Acheron." You answer, trying to let the nickname pass.

The next day, at dawn you find yourself on a mission in the woods near where you had grown up. A feeling of fear covers your heart and mind ever since you set foot here. Like a flooding river, memories of your childhood wash over you. Rhysand didn't know this place was steeped in trauma for you, or he wouldn't have assigned it to you, but if you had told him, you would have proven yourself unequal to your role as his court's deputy spy chief, unable to separate work and private life.

"We need to go to an Illyrian camp nearby, apparently there has been some insubordination." Nyx tells you, not remembering that you were also at the meeting her father had to describe the mission. "Hey, you look pale, are you okay?" He asks worriedly, turning to look at you.

"Since when do you worry about me Acheron? Aren't you getting soft?" You say, stepping past him as with confident steps of someone who has been down that road a billion times before, you move like a snake, with elegance and fluidity, through the trees of the forest. Out of the corner of your eye you see the boy step into a trap, which has been there since you were a child, which an old hunter always puts in that hole.

"Be careful putting your foot there, there is a trap." You say atonically as you continue walking. He stops and looks carefully at where he was about to walk to see that indeed you were right.

"Well I'd say you're mellowing, too, honey. Is the cold-hearted witch thawing out?" He asks with amusement as you without stopping or turning around give him the middle finger.

"I love you too baby." He continues, in response to your gesture, and you shake your head in response as you can't suppress a silly little smile appearing on your face.

"How did you know there was a trap anyway, it was really very well hidden." Comments the prince of the night, as he takes great strides to catch up with you.

You pause for a second, thinking whether to tell him the truth or tell him to go to hell again. You don't know what is getting into you but this place makes your head spin, and you feel like a poor, lonely, helpless girl again. The shadows surround you like a shield since you arrived, as if they, too, sense the familiarity of that place. You look into his violet eyes, which in the little sunshine coming in through the tree foliage, take on a lavender-like hue, and again it feels as if a prick comes sharply into your stomach and knocks you to the ground.

You see in his expression concern and sincerity, and this sends your system into a tailspin, which, as if it were nothing, opens up a deep, private part of you to him.

"I grew up here, I know these woods well." You say not looking into his eyes, too caught up in your emotions that are running through you right now. The shadows close even tighter between you, almost creating a cocoon.

"I didn't know that." He replies.

"Nobody knows, nobody but Az and Gwyn." You counter.

"He found you here then." The boy affirms, while in the shadows he tries to look around.

"Yes, not far from here." And you almost can't hold between your lips <<and near here I buried my sisters, a little farther away instead is the cave where they died at the hands of my uncle, whom I killed and buried near there>>, but fortunately you manage to hold back.

A few seconds pass in which neither of you really knows what to say, until you decide to confess other things.

"Nyx, the village we are going to is the one I ran away from when I was 20 years old with my sisters. Everyone there hates me, but I don't even think they would recognize me, however, I wanted to tell you before you see doing something stupid and reckless for no reason. At least you know some context, it seemed right to tell you." You say as you resume walking, but he grabs one of your two wrists with his hand and stops you.

"How come you ran away?" He asks with a seriousness you think you've never seen in him before.

"They wanted to take away the only thing that made me free: my wings." You answer with equal seriousness as I see his jaw twitch in anger.

"Who wanted to do this to you? Your parents?" He asks as disgust is evident from his tone.

"No, it's a long story." You try to answer without giving too much information, but immediately you feel something, guilt, making its way inside you. "Maybe someday I will tell you, but this is neither the place nor the time to do so." You continue, before starting to move along the forest. Nyx does not counter and follows your steps silently, always, however, staying close to you and in silence, as if she has that at this moment, the slightest thing could destabilize you and that you need someone right now, who without your asking, should help you survive from drowning in your memories.

You arrive at the village shortly after, and for a moment you feel like you have traveled through time. Nothing has changed since you left, and that gives you the chills. Immediately people begin to look at you askance, and within seconds you find the village chief standing in front of you. He is still the same as when you were there, an elderly gentleman with poor eyesight and a big heart. He was the only one who supported your choice to keep your wings, but the council had overtaken him and there was nothing he could do about it, he had confessed to you once while your family was still waiting for you to bleed, but he was already deciding your future. He looks at you with squinted eyes, trying to focus on your figure.

"Hello, we are here about the small riot that happened here a few days ago. The High Lord sent us." Says Nyx casually, with a smile on his face. You had decided before you left not to say your identities right away, so as not to arouse hatred as soon as you arrived, but you obviously hadn't told Nyx about why, though now he knows.

"Oh certainly, this way guys." Says the elderly gentleman, smiling at us. "But you didn't have to go to all that trouble, it was just a bunch of stupid kids who decided to make some trouble. There was no need for the High Lord to send any of his people, but we really appreciate you coming." He continues, as we cross the main street of the village.

"High Lord Rhysand is keen to let it be known that he is always available to his subjects when needed." Nyx replies very diplomatically, as he has been taught. You stop and stare at him, as you walk along, and think that deep down all those girls falling at his feet are not wrong. He is one of the most handsome boys you have ever seen, if not the most handsome of them all, with those violet eyes and perpetually disheveled night-colored hair. He is smart, but at the same time reckless, funny and kind, in short the perfect boy everyone dreams of. Immediately you freeze, and blush when you realize what you're thinking. You hear the shadows laughing in your ear, hearing your thoughts, and you under your breath curse them. You look around and realize you've stopped in front of what used to be your little piece of heaven: the bookstore. It was a tiny, musty place, and full of dusty old shelves, and run by a sweet and loving little lady, whom you treated like children.

When you were little, you spent hours in there, so much so that eventually the lady hired you as an assistant, making sure that your aunt and uncle didn't force you to stop going to that place to go to work.

It was never very busy, but it had a small circle of trusted customers.

Now, however, it is a ruined place. The window glass is broken, and the now-worn sign has fallen down. The shelves have all fallen, one on top of the other like bodies of soldiers wounded in battle, piled on top of each other. A dusty mist fills the store, while on the ground one can still see marks left by flames, while nothing but ashes remain of the books.

Nyx seeing that you stopped, stops in turn, apologizing to the village chief, and coming to see if you were okay.

"Hey, are you okay Lucifer? If you want, you can wait in one spot, and I'd be back to you in five minutes, I swear I'd be quick and then we'd run right out of here and not look back. You don't have to do all this if you can't." The boy says sympathetically as he takes your hand in his. That gesture makes you turn toward him, and then look at the older gentleman who has also turned back, and he looks at you smiling.

"I felt like I knew that smile." He says, looking at you as he strokes your face with one hand. "It seems like a lifetime since you and your sisters left. I see that life has treated you well." He continues happily, and you feel a pang in your heart.

"Life apparently has only treated me well." You say while remaining vague, and immediately he seems to understand, and with a sweet gesture, typical of a grandfather toward his granddaughter, he kisses your forehead lovingly.

"I'm sorry little witch." He whispers, and you smile at the nickname, which he had given you when you were still playing at making potions out of mud in the camp.

Nyx meanwhile was looking at you more and more confused, but he does not ask you anything, realizing that this is not the time for his questions. The shadows move agitated, too caught up in all those emotions.

"What happened to the bookstore?" You ask worriedly. "Is the lady okay?"

"She passed away shortly after you left. Her family did not take care of the store and let vandals destroy it." Confessed the elderly gentleman, sorry.

You are about to respond, angry at the people who allowed part of your childhood to be set on fire, when you hear a voice from down the street that chills the blood in your veins, that of your aunt.

...to be continued...

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[butmakeitgayblog]

So I'm relatively new to the fandom, and during my stay in this rabbit hole, that is, Clexa, I've got a few questions that I'm hoping you could answer :)

Why is everyone here pro-Lexa? Like don't get me wrong I absolutely love Lexa as a character and Alycia is a queen, but why all the hate towards some of the other characters, like Bellamy? I've never watched The 100 the whole way through (literally exited outta the show the second Lexa died), even then, it's been years since I watched it. Did I miss something while I was binge-watching, or was my teenage brain at the time just too immature to realize he was a total jackass..? Also, it's not just Bellamy, I've also seen hate for Bob, the actor who plays him. Which brings me to another question: does this fandom not like Eliza? I always see so much support when Alycia has an upcoming project or is posting Instagram updates but nothing for Eliza? Again, no judgment for the Alycia love because I completely understand why everyone here is head over heels in love with that girl but I just wanted to know, has Eliza ever done anything wrong? Or have I just conveniently only stumbled upon Alycia stans on this app?

Anyway, a totally unrelated note but since I'm here… may I just say ma'am, your writing is the bomb diggity. Like the perfect blend of humor, sexiness, angst, and fluff, THE GODDAMN FLUFF. Genius, you're a genius, like a mad scientist of Clexa fanfic. Hope you keep doing what you're doing, my friend. Take your time though, and don't listen to those ignorant anons that are crawling around yelling "wHy ArE yOu TaKiNg So LoNg To UpDaTe?" Thank you for writing for the Clexa fandom! ❤️

First I wanna say thank you for the sweet words and reading, that means so much to me 🥹💕 not to be a nerd but I screenshot that for one of my worse imposter syndrome days lol

Long post so you can read under the cut. Long time clexas you can just skip if you want because honestly I got annoyed all over again just typing it and you know it all already 🥴

Now right off the top, you don't have to hate Bellamy if you don't want to. It's not like that's a prereq for being a clexa, so if you like him, like him and don't worry about what anyone says. He's a fictional character so anyone who gets intense over someone liking him I think needs to take a walk.

But the reason why a lot of Clexas, myself included, hate him is somewhat of a two part answer. The main reason being is that his character is trash 😅. I mean I'm not gonna dissect every little bit of canon but the main points for me at least, since I can't speak for anyone else, are that he was constantly fucking up literally everything. He gets to earth, proclaims "tHeRe aRe nO RuLeS" and then,,, immediately declares himself the leader and starts forcing people to follow what he says. He literally almost let Clarke fall into a pit of spikes, tried to handcuff her and keep her hostage "for her own good", he spearheaded the whole thing with taking off their wristbands, HE BACKED PIKE, participated in the massacre of a peaceful army sent to protect skaikru, he constantly shamed and blamed Clarke for everything that ever went wrong even when a lot of that stuff was either the best solution in a bad situation OR was an indirect fallout from something fucked up that skaikru had done. The sweaty little fucker was always trying to control/manipulate Clarke and skaikru and his own damn sister despite the fact that everything he ever planned himself turning out to be: A Terrible Idea. Basically the dude sucked but was held up on spindles of glorification as being this heroic uwu soft boy that wasn't actually supported by any one damn thing in canon when you actually look at it objectively. And I'm sure I'm even forgetting stuff. The dude just sucked.

Agian, that's my own two cents.

The other reason being, it's rollover from having to deal with blarks. Their constant harassment and shoving their fanon, non-existent ship down everyone's throat, while being entitled little brats throwing tantrums about them not happening at every turn has led from what probably would've been just a mild distaste for a character for most into loathing even the name. Understand I'm not saying the word harassment lightly. They were awful for years. Death threats and homophobia, spamming inboxes with hateful messages and sending awful pictures/memes etc. One even sent EJT a dick pic with Blark written on their penis. They sent memes non-stop about Lexa dying when people were still reeling from it. I'm not saying all Blarks are bad because they're not, but there was enough harassment and viciousness from a large enough and loud enough faction that at a certain point it becomes a blanket feeling of animosity toward the entire ship and everything that follows it.

As for disliking EJT. In reality, she used to be the fandom favorite. I mean she was our girl because she used to champion us and was hilarious about it. Go look up old cons and interviews with her. She was funny and great. Once upon a time E was our biggest cheerleader and dealt with A Lot of abuse and harassment from The Other fandom for it. I'm talking body shaming, slut shaming, comments about her intelligence, sexual harassment and trolling her about her boyfriends and very descriptive messages about how they wanted her to harm herself. The list goes on. And no one, especially not Bob who was the golden boy for The Other fandom, ever said a word in her defense. Never told his fans to stop or that he condemned it. Ever. Not once. That never sat well with clexas, but you can't control what other people do.

We had her back anyway. So, it was whatever. Gross, but whatever.

And then she married Bob. Which, and Blarks cannot seem to wrap their heads around this fact, literally no cared about. She could've just married him and kept being the same person and no one would've cared. In fact, the way this fandom loved her, at first everyone was like hmmm weird and sudden but good for her I guess! Be happy!

But then Bob's ex came forward with very serious allegations about her past relationship with him. She released a statement that you can easily find online and from that it painted a very dark picture of things that involved both him and EJT. As I'm someone who believes victims, I have no reason not to believe her, and since the very bizarre (non) rebuttal that EJT posted in reply made zero sense, that was that. It changed the lens of how a lot of people started looking at her.

Which leads me to the charities.

Hear a collective Clexa sigh.

They're a saga in themselves, but to sum it up as short as possible, EJT had been a part of a children's organization for YEARS that she herself helped set up. Clexas raised a lot of money for this charity through fundraising and selling fanart and we really cared about it. And literally within months of them being married, he became involved in it, and then shortly thereafter, magically they both had to "step away from it" for dubiously explained reasons. (Which, if you read his ex's statement, logical deduction of what probably actually happened will make more sense than what they claimed, and not in a good way.) Sensibly, they started recieving backlash from supporters because, again a lot of people had been helping this charity for years and all of a sudden she was just gone from it and all the projects were halted. I'm not blaming solely her for anything but to just cut and run like she did was sus to say the least.

So to steer away from that shitshow, they started another charity. With a bunch of right-wing MAGA nuts. Yeah. They weren't open or transparent about anything, no records of where any of the money was going, iirc no real legitimate charity registration/tax documentation that anyone could find (and in the US that's all public info sooooooo). It was a total clusterfuck that people started calling them out on from the start. At first they tried to ignore it and just keep collecting money by doing these ridiculous cameos as cash grabs, but just like the first charity, after a while (and a lot of initially unaccounted for money being raised) the poor little darlings just had to "step away for mental health reasons."

Which I would accept and support wholeheartedly because mental health is extremely serious... except funnily, they didn't stop doing the cameos. They kept doing those and charging their fans money to listen to them blather on about made up ~behind the scenes info~ about Blark stuff and it being super secretly canon but for a million reasons that they don't know and can't name, stopped it from happening. Claims of love scenes and kisses that have never been backed up by evidence (like a script) or corroborated by a single person involved in the show. But it's totally true guys, just trust them bro. So yeah, they've kept doing all that. Just... not giving the money they're charging for the cameos to their "charity."

So that's the meat of it, I might be forgetting things and smudging some finer details because it's been a long while ago, but I think you can get the gist. People don't like Bob because he was an ass to fans and EJT herself before them even getting married. He's said ableist things and quoted racists trying to sound smart and never once apologized for anything. He's been accused of abuse in his personal life and has never addressed it, only made his wife write a terrible fanfiction-esque response to appease his ardent followers. And frankly, she pissed off her fans. Once she married him, she completely flipped her personality from a funny charity doing, body positivity leading, cheerleading about "Clexa are soulmates" and "Lexa is the love of Clarke's life" girl, to doing personal cash grabs constantly while spewing all this made up Blark garbage that directly contradicts things they've both said in the past to please her faithful paying cameo fans (read his fans).

It's all left a lot of people with a bad taste in their mouth, to say the least.

And ya best believe if Alycia does some crazy shit, I'll turn on her too 🤷‍♀️ but honestly I'm not too worried about that cuz the girl is a cryptid who you literally can't pay to go to cons or do cameos

[beoppiedai]

OC STUFF FOR ANYONE THAT CARES

MWEAHHA I'm so evil I have so much updates for him (no one reads my posts)

Jack has killed the entity that has been terrorizing his multiverse, which comes with a lot of thinking to do because!!!

1, Gods as powerful as Euclid (the entity) can only be fully killed by blood relatives, they have to be killed by either their siblings or parents, otherwise they respawn after being killed

2, Jack knew that Euclid was his sibling but Euclid didn't realize that until they felt themselves dying, Euclid has only felt real pain twice in their life, this being the second time, so obviously they started begging and pleading, especially since they found out they had a real family.

Gunna cut stuff here cuz the post is getting long

Ok so Euclid is dead, awesomesauce now no one can destroy their universe, everything is great!!!

Well, Jack isn't, Jack doesn't like killing, he only kills people if it's his job as a god, and even then he feels bad if the person isn't a bad person in his eyes.

So when faced with his creator, the boy was terrified, he thought he had done something downright unredeemable, Apate, his creator only really comes out of its mindspace if a character needs to be taken out or just destroyed completely so no one even remembers them.

Apate didn't come out to do that, no instead he gave Jack a deal of a lifetime

“ Don't you want to be a cult leader? “

Turns out, Euclid had a cult that loved them and would do anything for them, Euclid didn't even know of this cult (aka I didn't know about it until I made it up for the plot) but Apate found it after Euclid died

So Apate offered him to take over Euclid’s place, be the God all gods are terrified of, be the one to rule everything, Be the most powerful being — not just in his universe, but across all the multiverse, oh and also have a cult, which was much more appealing to Jack.

One thing about Jack! And I've posted this before, he was in a cult when he was young, he was treated like royalty by his pastor (cult leader) not because he was a boy, no because he was the pastor’s favourite, the pastor loved him (more than adults should love kids) he experienced a lot more trauma than everyone in his cult but excused it because the pastor treated him good (no he didn't.)

So when faced with a cult, his very own, a cult that worshipped him, loved him, cared for him, and would do anything for him, Jack caved in, he said yes, he needed to be back in his origin, to go through it again, to keep the cycle going, because if there is no cycle Jack is nothing, Jack doesn't know who he is if he isn't either being love-bombed or mistreated (real, I forget Jack is based around me sometimes 😞)

WOOOO ok so everyone is all caught up!! yippee!!!

Jack is currently in a break period which means nothing that happens in canon is affecting him yet since the universal events are put on hold. Mostly cuz I wanna draw him normally before he starts becoming weird and starts to crack (no like his entire body will actually start to crack and show his insides and since he's made up of coding… its confusing ill draw it later)

[utapri-translations-uuuu]

Gray Kansas - Translation (灰色のカンザス)

Please do not repost/retranslate without permission.

I have also made a version which includes the members' notes found in the script.

[Gray Kansas - Theo’s house, daytime]

The two of them are looking out of a window at a desolate gray land.

Theo and Terry simultaneously let out a big sigh.

Theo: (sigh)

Terry: (sigh)

A rather strong breeze blows, and a tumbleweed rolls by.

Theo: …

Terry: …

Terry can’t stand the boredom for long and begins to speak with gestures of frustration.

Terry: Jeez~! There is nothing at all, nothing is going on!

Theo: It can’t be helped. This is Kansas, after all.

Terry: It’s too rural! There are more cows than people, I’m telling you!

Theo: You’re not wrong about that, I suppose…

Terry: A desolate land! Everything is gray… The landscape, even life.

Theo apathetically nods along.

Theo: You’re not wrong about that, I suppose…

Terry: Day after day, the same thing over and over again. People are forgetting to smile, and life is losing its purpose!

Theo: You’re not wrong about that, I suppose…

Terry: Come on, that’s the only thing you’ve been saying!

Theo: That’s because you say the same thing every day.

Theo gets up, walks over to the window, and opens it.

A strong wind blows in from outside.

Theo: I… don’t mind life in Kansas. Of course, I’m not completely satisfied, though.

Terry, after pointing at Theo, crosses his arms as if he is pouting.

Terry: You can say that because you know what it’s like in the city. I’ve never left the countryside in my entire life; you have no idea how I feel.

Theo’s father disappeared and his mother died from illness.

For a few years now, he has been living in Kansas, taken in by relatives on his mother’s side.

Theo: … When you say that… I can’t deny it. I have a kind uncle and aunt here, and a warm place to live. No one will help you in the city. It’s a lonely place.

Terry: Theo…

Theo: Above anything else, Terry, you’re here… So I don’t feel lonely. Boredom and peace are very similar, I think.

Terry wants to escape from his boring life.

He desperately tries to persuade Theo.

Terry: Such a wise thing to say! Don’t you want to? Going on an exciting adventure that makes your blood tingle in a storybook-like world, something like that!

Theo: Adventure…!? Isn’t that dangerous?

Terry: God, that was just a metaphor! At any rate, the thing is getting to the city and finding success!

Theo: Your house is a very large ranch, isn’t it? I think you’re successful enough… You’re going to follow in your family’s footsteps, aren’t you?

Terry: A predetermined future like that doesn’t appeal to me at all! …Venturing out into a world that is still unknown. That’s the American dream!

Theo folds his arms and thinks about what dreams mean to him.

Theo: The American… dream…

Terry: That’s right! Dreams! Don’t you have one?

Theo: Dreams… I may have never thought about it… I always thought I’d be helping out my uncle and aunt. And even if not, making a living is difficult, so I wouldn’t have any excessive demands.

Terry: Are you really fine with just that forever? I’m not!

Theo: Terry, can we stop talking about this?

They are best friends who get along well, but due to their different personalities, small fights happen frequently between them.

Anxiety about the future causes the two to quarrel more than usual.

Terry: Why?!

Theo: Why? Because if we get into a fight and I lose you, I won’t even have someone to argue with like this. And if that happens, everything would really become gray! Terry: Let’s change that into a rosy future! We won’t know unless we try, right? Let’s make our dream come true!

Theo: There’s no way that dream will come true… We’re only children…

Terry stands up, banging on the table.

Terry: … I hate that about you! You give up on everything too soon!

Theo: Terry…

[Tornado - Kansas prairie, daytime]

Unable to bear it any longer, Terry violently opens the door and runs outside.

Terry: I don’t care anymore!

The wind rushes into the room with a loud noise from the pressure difference of the storm.

Theo runs after Terry.

Theo: Wait, Terry!

After running for a little while, Theo catches up to him.

Terry: (panting while running)

Theo: (panting while running)

Theo grabs Terry’s wrist and catches him.

The wind is getting increasingly stronger.

Theo: … Where are you going?!

Terry roughly shakes his hand free.

Terry: Somewhere far away!

Theo: … I understand how you feel. I do, but… If you do that, we’ll be separated, won’t we?

Terry: Then come with me, Theo…

A large tornado is formed nearby.

The sound of the wind becomes even louder. The tornado is approaching at great speed.

Theo notices the tornado behind Terry.

Theo: Terry…

Terry: What…? Even if you stop me, I’m still going!

Theo: … No, it’s not that…

Terry: What is it? You’re being vague!

Theo points at the tornado.

Theo: That…

Terry: What…?

The tornado approaches at even greater speed.

Theo and Terry shout in unison.

Theo: Tornado!!

Terry: Tornado!!

Both start running in a hurry to get back inside the house.

Theo: (panting while running)

Terry: (panting while running)

Both scream as they get caught up in the tornado.

Theo: (screaming)

Terry: (screaming)

They try to reach for each other but can’t.

The two are mercilessly swallowed up by the tornado.

Theo: Terry!!

Terry: Theo!!

[Title call/Titular line]

All: Dreaming of OZ

[lilyevansreincarnate]

(SPOILERS FOR LONGLEGS, PLEASE ALSO DO NOT GET ANGRY AT ME THIS IS MY PERSONAL OPINIONS)

So the movie was um interesting to say the least, personally, I thought it was good. It built up a steady feeling of dread and made the whole setting feel uncomfortable and stuffy, the first half was good. I thought it was setting up the story to have an incredible meaning and insanely cool symbolism but then it got just a bit silly.

Longlegs - nic cage’s character - was from what Id heard somewhat of a mystery. He wasn’t in it very much, that being important to the story. HE WAS IN IT ALL THE BLOODY TIME I had to see his pasty face every two seconds. I think he had the buildup to have explained trauma that led him up to doing these things, possible religious trauma from a parent resulting in his obsession with stealing youth as his was but no. Just a satanist with a t.Rex obsession.

Next, I want to talk about Lee. She’s a cool character, sure, but how did she have this intuition about everything? A point of her character was that she’d been made to forget these specific points so that her mother would be able to assist longlegs in his killings but no, she has this weird psychic shit that leads her directly to longlegs with little to no injures on her part. I mean, sure, she got threats and it was a bit unnerving but in plot points he hadn’t killed anyone to directly connect with her - obviously her mum being an accomplice to the murders and longlegs visiting her as a child was his connection to her but what connection led her to have the obtuse psychic visions?

I really want to talk about what the title is meaning and what ‘longlegs’ actually refers to. So, obviously, longlegs has this fascination with satan. He believes that murdering these people will somehow bring him closer to Satan? Or resurrect him somehow maybe, and when he visits Lee as a child he says “it appears I’ve put my longlegs on today” so either he’s making the situation far more creepy by acknowledging the obvious difference between their heights as she’s a child and he’s an adult, a gross joke, or, he’s relating himself back to Satan because he somehow believes he’s Baal who is a Christian demon who was ranked as the first and principal king of hell, he is described as white and pasty with a low raspy voice - which is an accurate description of Nic cage’s character - who is incredibly tall. Now the character longlegs’ height isn’t talked about in great detail it is only mentioned when Special Agent Carter says to Lee “a tall man with pale skin visited you as a child, didn’t he?” near the end of the film.

And, at the end, we see Nic Cage - who had before been taken into custody after being found very easily and then had repeatedly slammed his head into the table in front of him until his nose cracked open after saying “hail satan” - unharmed and smiling and he winks and blows a kiss at the camera. In media, this is usually a “I’ve won” type of shtick but he hadn’t?

The point of the murders was to complete this satanic triangle to bring himself closer to Satan - as he believed. But, once he’d got so far and had the mother and father killed the little girl hadn’t died. The entire point is the little girl in the family has to die but she hadn’t. So, the triangle wasn’t complete. He had lost, in terms of relativity so why did he wink and blow a kiss? It felt as though the film had several things that were to be built up in to a metaphor or something symbolic but they’d forgotten to finish it. Several things just making no sense and strings left dangling.

Don’t get me wrong, I think the whole way they had so many hidden things in the movie was incredible and the architecture having small satanic symbols, the devil constantly being behind Lee was very cool and the whole ‘the man downstairs’ thing was very interesting to me but yeah, just wasn’t for me. Might rewatch it, see if I like it any better.

Overall, the movie was fine. It had the potential to be very very cool and a fantastic horror film but it felt as though they’d built up this whole world and then left it incomplete, simply it was bad writing. It got a little predictable and it felt like the writers realised this so they just did tons of stuff that made no sense to make you sit there and wonder ‘well, what the fuck was that for?”

[aquanthis]

tell me more about linore and linestelle separately .They both look so cute I want to learn. please. looks at you with autism in my eyes

OH YES i loooove talking about my less talked about wow ocs >:3c ty for asking!

both of these girls have Issues™, though which of my wow ocs don't tbh. i'll start with linore because she's just a little more developed <3

putting this under a read more because it is. Long

^ full version of the screenshot i used for the carrd btw

Huntmaster Linore Featherbow, the Stars' Fury

my BESTIE. she's a marksmanship hunter + a huntmaster :) she wields thori'dal because i can do whatever i want. teehee. she's transfem and bisexual and a horse girl. dw about it

she's very, uh, stable? i guess? firm and grounded, more logical than emotional. she's very gentle, though, which is why she works so well with her horses. she's honest and forgiving, though not to the point of being spineless. she didn't have strong feelings toward the horde until uh. well. You Know. and now she's more distrustful than she feels comfortable with. she's an amazing tactician and a great leader, though sometimes she's a little more cautious than her position demands, and sometimes it saves her ass. depends on the day. :)

she grew up learning skinning/leatherworking from her father, who was a talented leatherworker working in darnassus. her parents were relatively overprotective, so she wasn't allowed to go out hunting with her father for a long time, despite her keen interest in it. she'd work with him in the shop though, and has a great love and respect for the craft. eventually, when she got older, she finally talked her parents into letting her go, and she honed her skill with the intention to eventually take over for her father.

unfortunately, uh! both of her parents died in the fire. so . she had to do that earlier than expected.

she also had a childhood friend named maven (seb's oc!) who had a huge crush on her, and they were very close. she never realized she had feelings for him until she found him washed up on the beach as teldrassil was burning, nearly dead and horribly wounded, and everything came crashing down on her so so bad. it makes me so crazy. i love them

there's more stuff but i don't want to make this the longest post ever JSHDKJ here she is with her horses though

as for linestelle!

Soulreaper Linestelle Deathweaver, Deathlord of the Ebon Blade

ooooh girl who died and came back wrong for realsies. she's a blood death knight (despite looking like a frost dk lol she's taking after her dad!) and a deathlord. she wields the maw of the damned. you just so happened to ask about a couple of my champions LOL

she's a butch lesbian and should be much beefier than she is in game. she was killed and subsequently raised as a dk during the attack on silvermoon. she was in her late teens, and completely lost her memory, becoming a mindless soldier. she was adopted by koltira (hence the last name) shortly after he broke free from arthas, and then was adopted by thassarian by extension. she was scared, and the two of them took pity on her and took her in.

in her former life prior to becoming a dk, she had a bit of a romance going with a girl in silvermoon who survived the attack (one of my other ocs who is less developed and isn't listed on the carrd. her name is auridel though!). linestelle completely forgot her because she lost her memory, but auridel Did Not forget her, and actively hates her because she thinks she ran away and left her, instead of, yknow, Dying And Losing Her Memory. they were kind of toxic yuri. auridel is rommath's apprentice now if that gives you any idea as to Her character KJSHDKDHSKD

personality-wise, linestelle doesn't really have much of one anymore. she lost a lot of the personality she had before losing her memory, so nowadays she's kind of flat-affect most of the time. she used to be hotheaded and some of that comes out when she fights, because she's Super easy to rile up in a fight, but outside of that she's rarely emotive and tends to keep to herself. if you knew her before, she'd hardly be recognizable now. the only person who can get her to smile, even a little, is thassarian. with bad dad jokes. :) the only time you'd find her laughing is if she's tearing a zombie apart or something.

oh, also, she looks after invincible now. they're friends. :)

anyway, i like her a lot. i like her so much. linestelle my friend. can you tell i love thassarian and koltira also. sorry about that

i hope you like my girls!! <3

[marvelmaniac715]

This is my third fic in two days. I usually don’t write this often, but inspiration has really been hitting me lately. This fic is more of a sad one, it’s based on a fic idea that I’ve seen on Tumblr but I can’t quite remember which blogs posted about it, so apologies if those people find this fic, if you posted about it I’ll edit this post and credit you :). Basically, it’s another ‘what if’ scenario, specifically ‘what if Chucky had been there when Glen was shot?’ For the purposes of this fic, Chucky is there outside the Tilly house in doll form, the fic picks up just after the gun shot and is entirely from Chucky’s pov. Even I’ll get sad writing this, so be warned :(.

————————————————————-

Everything was moving in slow motion, that’s how it felt at least. A gunshot went off, a bullet fired. Then the world went silent. Chucky was vaguely aware of someone screaming, but he didn’t know where the sound was coming from. 

Could it be Tiffany? No, she didn’t scream like that. Maybe it was Glenda? Poor kid, they’d put up with so much in such a short amount of time, and now their twin was- no, Glen was fine, they were fine. It took longer than he’d like to admit for Chucky to realise that the person screaming was him, and all at once his lungs burned.

He screamed louder than he ever had before, louder than when he had been set on fire. He didn’t even stop for breath, just wailed until he no longer could. All of his heartbreak and fear and panic merged to create that one agonising scream. Something in Chucky’s mind had irreversibly snapped, and (barely thinking through his actions) he leapt forward and pressed his hands to Glen’s chest to staunch the flow.

“C’mon kid, you’re fine, you’re gonna be alright. It’s just a gunshot, I’ve had them before, I’ve lived, I never died. You’re gonna wake up, you have to wake up…”

His voice tailed off. There was nothing else he could say. Regret and grief coursed through his mind. This was his fault. All of it. twenty four years ago he had made the mistake of not using a rubber. He’d insisted that because he was ‘made of rubber’ he’d be fine, completely forgetting that a few minutes earlier he’d boasted the fact that he was ‘anatomically correct’. 

He didn’t regret the fact that his children had been born, but he regretted the fact that he was their father, they’d never have a normal life. He’d put his children in harm’s way because of his bloodlust, and now they were paying the price. He’d wanted a child ever since he was one, but look how he’d destroyed one of the best things that had ever happened to him.

He turned his head to fix Nica with a hateful glare. For a brief moment, he considered tearing her throat out. But it wasn’t worth it. Why would it be? Nica hadn’t intended to shoot his child, she’d been trying to shoot Tiffany, who had been torturing her for over a year. At least when he hurt people he made it relatively brief, he didn’t drag it out for a year, he did have some humanity for god’s sake. One could argue that Sarah Pierce had been captured for almost a year, but he’d genuinely believed that it was out of love. He was so foolish back then.

He couldn’t blame Nica. He did blame Tiffany though, she hadn’t been quick enough to push Glen out of the way, and she was the one who’d driven Nica to this point in the first place. In a way, this all led back to him, and when Chucky realised this, his grief increased tenfold. He’d inadvertently let Glen get shot. He’d never forgive himself- Wait, what was he doing? His child was bleeding out and he was thinking of himself.

Chucky looked back down at Glen and suppressed a sob. Then his mind went numb. He was distantly aware of screaming at Tiffany to ‘fucking do something, call an ambulance!’ But time seemed to float rather than steadily tick by. He gripped tightly to Glen, as if the kid would slip away if he loosened his grip. He was trying desperately to stop the bleeding, but his tiny doll’s hands were useless, they probably had no effect on the wound.

Chucky returned to his incoherent rambling, trying to reassure Glen that they were fine, doing anything he could to keep his child awake. He didn’t even know what he was saying, but he knew that if he stopped talking, stopped trying to interact with his child, Glen could fall unconscious and potentially not wake up again.

He didn’t let go until the ambulance arrived, and that was only because he didn’t want to freak out the paramedics, allowing his child to receive proper medical treatment. And when the ambulance rolled away with Tiffany, Glenda and Glen in it, he sunk to his knees and howled.

[momentsbeforemass]

Blessed and thankful

(by request, my homily from Sunday)

How’s it going today? I’m sorry, I meant to say, “Hey, how ya doin’?”

We say it and we hear it a thousand different ways. From a simple “Hello,” to “How’s it going?” “What’s up?” “¿Que pasa?” “How are you?”

And we all have a stock answer.

“Good, how are you doing?” “Fine, thanks for asking.” “Living the dream.”

Pick one. It doesn’t matter. Because none of them are real.

When someone says “how ya doin’?” the last thing they want is a real answer.

We never give them a real answer. Because we know that “how ya doin’?” isn’t a real question.

It’s just how we greet each other. There’s nothing wrong – I’m sorry, actually there is something very wrong with it.

What’s wrong with “how ya doin’?” is what the stock answers teach us. The stock answers – stuff like “fine” and “living the dream” – teach us to not tell people how we’re really doing.

Okay, maybe that’s not a bad idea. Some things don’t need to be publicized. Not everyone needs to know everything about you and your day.

We’ve all got that one friend or relative who doesn’t get it. Who thinks it’s a real question. So we never say “how ya doin’?” to them.

Because we don’t want to spend the next hour and a half hearing about the special shampoo that the vet gave them for the dog’s rash. Complete with a thrilling retelling of the results of their allergy test. In real time.

The problem comes when we internalize the stock answers. When we’ve said them so many times that we start accepting them.

When the stock answers become our answers. And we don’t look any closer at ourselves. We stop paying attention to how we’re doing.

Because we’re - “fine.” Because we’re - “living the dream.”

Which works. Until it doesn’t.

Until there’s enough going on inside us that’s - “not fine,” that we can’t ignore it anymore.

Until we have that moment, where we realize how “not fine” we are. And have no idea how it happened. Or how we got there.

The truth is – when you and I aren’t paying attention to how we’re doing, everything going on inside us doesn’t stop moving. Just because we took our eyes off it.

We’re still taking stuff in. And it’s having an impact on us. It’s just that we’re not paying attention to it. Because we’re - “fine.”

And if we’re not paying attention to what’s going on inside us, we’re leaving the door open for the Enemy to smuggle in all kinds of garbage. Which he will be happy to do.

The thing to know about us is that we only have so much space inside us. Like the bed of an old pickup truck.

No matter how creative you are at packing and stacking, no matter how well you tarp the load and tie it down, at some point that truck literally cannot hold another thing. If you add something to that load, it’s going to push something else off the truck.

If you’re like me, the bed of your truck is full. Pretty much all the time.

Which means that if the Enemy is stuffing garbage in, that’s pushing stuff out, including the good stuff. That is how it happens.

The last time you and I checked the load, it was a mixed bag with some good stuff in it. Stuff we needed.

But it’s been a while since we checked. We haven’t needed to. Because we’ve been - “fine.”

Then something happens. We’re “not fine,” and we can’t ignore it anymore.

We need something good that we used to keep around. Peace. Joy. Patience. Strength. Kindness.

Only when we go look for it in the truck bed, it’s not there when we need it. Because some garbage pushed it out.

What do we do about that? How do we keep that from happening?

I met the woman with the answer years ago. Her name is Thomasa. I can never forget her, because Thomasa is the only person I know who gives a different answer to the question.

If you ask her “how ya doin’?” She always says, “blessed and thankful.”

The first time I heard her say it, I figured it was just her personal stock answer. A Jesus-flavored version of “living the dream.”

But something about it stayed with me. And not just because it was different, but because she was different.

After working with her for a couple of years, I finally asked her about it.

She told me that she heard it in a sermon. About the leper who turned back to thank Jesus (today’s Gospel). That the way keep yourself filled with God’s blessings, is to be thankful for God’s blessings. To start your day with God and with gratitude for all that He has given you, even the smallest things.

That’s good advice. There’s nothing like starting the day by filling yourself with gratitude for God’s blessings to push the garbage out of your truck.

But here’s the genius part. I don’t know if she heard it in the sermon or if she came up with it on her own, but what she did was bring that gratitude into her day. Throughout her day.

Every time someone said to her, “how ya doin’?” She didn’t just say, “blessed and thankful.” She took a moment in her heart to be blessed, by being thankful. By thanking God for something.

She took what wasn’t a real question – and made it into a moment of real thankfulness to God. Pushing the garbage out. By reconnecting with God in the middle of a busy day. Over and over.

That is my challenge to us. Whenever someone says “How’s it going?” “What’s up?” “How are you?” I want us to say, “blessed and thankful.”

But don’t just say the words. Actually mean it, in here. Because what you do in your heart is what really matters.

Whenever someone says, “How’s it going?” “What’s up?” “How are you?” Take a moment to be blessed, by being thankful. In your heart, where it’s just God and you, thank God for something that He’s blessed you with. Let’s try it.

So, “How’s it going?”

[“Blessed and thankful”]

Let’s try that again, “What’s up?”

[“Blessed and thankful”]

One more time, like you mean it, “How ya doin’?”

[“Blessed and thankful”]

Amen.

Sunday’s Readings

[thementalhealthdisaster]

Having a late night meltdown? Maybe? Or a really bad anxiety attack.

Things are unravelling.

I'm just so utterly devastated and scared about the things I have in storage still. I want them back. I want them back so bad. I kind of just need my books and stuffed animals in my arms right now.

The person keeping them in storage hasn't been responding to my messages and I think it really hit me hard now. Idk why now. But it feels like I'm never getting that stuff back.

And some of those things are part of my soul. I'm not ready to give them up.

And it's stupid because I'm still in contact with relatives of the person keeping them in storage.

But it's been two years since I've seen my things, that time is really hitting me.

I also feel like everything I'm doing lately is wrong. I'm terrible at everything. I'm trying so hard. But at the same time, I'm not trying hard enough and I know that because I'm not feeling completely run down.

And I'm about to go into uni again and that's terrifying and it feels like maybe I'm making a big stupid mistake and I'll never be able to do this.

And idk maybe it's because it's two years since my friend died. Or maybe because it's nearly a week since the volunteering program I was in finished but tonight just feels like a facade I've been playing has crashed and burned around me.

It feels like I've been living this weird lie and still doing everything poorly. Like I've been blind to it because I was so happy that it made it easy to pretend it wasn't happening. I could push it aside and forget.

But now I'm laying in bed and I'm remembering and I'm mortified and I don't know how to handle the feeling so I just cry and my body twitches.

But it's also this intense fear and sadness about My Things.

Idk there's a lot happening and it's hard to explain.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

It’s unbelievable how much we are on the same wavelength LMAO YOUR HAIR GEL JOKES ALWAYS HIT I LOVE THEM Keep rambling on because it’s truly doing wonders blessing my feed!!

But ALSO OMG YEAH THE EPINAGI PINKIE THING HAD ME ROLLING LMAOOO Tbh I’m also not much of a reonagi shipper so I feel you! Movie def felt a bit rushed though I’m glad they added in some cool Nagi scenes!! His aura in the movie was sooo pretty I loved how they did that but YEAH MY DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN WE DIDNT GET CRUMBS OF THEIR MATCH AGAINST KARASU AND OTOYA??? I guess it was pretty recent in the epinagi chapters but I was fr hoping for more scenes with them T-T I was actually kinda just comparing it to the recent spy x family movie too and you can definitely notice some of the less refined moments in parts of the animation haha….overall I like how they explored a bit more of Nagi fs but it kinda makes me want another installment of the movie that’s less rushed and includes more of the actual epinagi content instead of only the parts that overall with the main series…I mean as a Nagi fan too I’m not really complaining much bc hey, more Nagi screen time! Considering the speed in which they got this out I won’t complain too much about the quality though I still think it was a good watch for Nagi and BLLK fans in general lolll

Ok but I think they chose Karasu’s va sooooo well like it fits him perfectly which I’m really happy about but THAT ADDITIONAL TIME CLIP I feel like the art is always a bit crunchy for those I kinda died at the close up on Karasu’s face there but ykw I’ll take it it’s Karasu so…

I LIVE FOR WEIRD LITTLE FREAK CHILD HIORI OMG that epinagi scene where he looks like that balled up watery eyed hamster meme thing (I hope you get the ref bc I’m not sure how else to explain LOL) I loved the light novel references in remember going crazy when that chapter released with the whole stalking thing LOLL

LMAOOO 1 CM TALLER YUKIMIYA IM CRYING THATS GENIUS I completely forgot about that fact you thought this out so well!! Imagine he puts in extra hair gel or styles his hair a little differently to add even more height or something

KARASU LOOKS SO GOOD IN THE EPINAGI MANGA!!!! I know exactly which panel you’re talking about and it’s permanently living in my camera roll! I think the next chapter should be coming out relatively soon?? But I’m also so happy that we get to see more action from Karasu and Otoya!!! And ofc their interactions with Chigiri and Nagi too! (Actually when I first got into BLLK nagi was my fav HAHA it’s changed around a little bit but he still holds a special place in my heart so I feel that) The Chigiri Barou dynamic lately is also something I’ve been loving lately they’re so goofy as a rival duo it’s hilarious

LMAOOO I COULD HEAR JUSTIN BIEBER SAYING THOSE WORDS AS I READ THEM but THANK YOU AGAIN!!! I’ll happily eat up whatever work you throw out even if it’s not Karasu because there’s just something about your writing style that’s just so nice to read (Ngl I kinda stalked your page and read through your other works like Cherry Tree, Peregrine, White Butterfly, Pathways, etc. and honestly your writing has been just invading my brain throughout the day your work is just amazing (I almost cried reading White Butterfly too)) but also don’t forget to take care of yourself!! No rush at all I hope you enjoy yourself while writing everything!!! You never fail to deliver and I’m glad to have given an opportunity for you to write about Karasu!

- Karasu anon :)

P. S. That Rin art you reblogged jumpscared me so bad LMAOOO almost died laughing and nearly peeing my pants LOL Also sorry these are always so long I just noticed the last reply you sent needed to have the “keep reading” button in order to respond to everything I said oops lmk if you’d prefer I be more concise HAHA

omg YAYYAY i love that we agree!! the hair gel jokes are necessary unfortunately…the one manga panel in the pxg vs bm game where we see him from above and his hair forms a ninety degree angle HAUNTS me. how long does bro spent sculpting that 😭

THE PINKY THING WAS SO FUNNY PLEASE i cannot get over it like why did they add that in LMAOAO i feel like reonagi is one of those ships that i acknowledge is probably closer to canon than most but i just do not care about it. honestly i don’t really have any ships in bllk (except kunigiri a bit??) that i’m super into just because them being weirdos abt soccer is so much funnier than anything!! i’ve also never really been a big shipper in general w any show i watch so that could also be why. like i recognize they exist and idc what other people ship but me personally you’ll never see me pressed or championing one ship or another. for me romance is more of a route to character exploration than a be-all end-all which is why on the RARE occasions i read a ship fic it’s almost always for the most random rare pair — you have to understand characters super well to convincingly write them together when they’ve met MAYBE once on screen so those types of fics always end up being more interesting to me. overall though if i like a character i’m going to write my own stories abt them and i’m not abt to write them w someone else when i could write abt them being in love with me 🙄 HAHA

i love nagi’s whole sparkly death aura i think it’s super cool!! and the little vacuum sound effect whenever he touches the ball hehe they definitely made it so pretty in the movie. i wasn’t expecting karasu and otoya to pull up just because of how recently it happened in the manga but i was still sad because they just made the second selection a montage (although when rin pulled up with his dramatic ass theme i laughed tbh) 😔 like ik we see it in the show already but LET ME SEE IT AGAINNNN!! i think w bllk the good animation is REALLY good and the bad is…well it’s certainly smth!! but i agree it was a fun movie and watch if you already like bllk…i hope they eventually do release another one or maybe an ova or smth w the rest of the second selection from nagi’s pov i would love to see it on screen.

the additional times either have majestic animation (the aryu vs rin glam battle was like. oddly well animated i feel??) or they’re super crunchy and i fear tabieitaken got the short end of the stick this time around…hoping they don’t do them dirty in season two because those are two of the most handsome boys in the manga (plus otoya) so i will be heartbroken if they aren’t given justice. karasu’s voice actor is super good though!! i actually do think bllk (at least the sub, i haven’t watched dub so can’t comment on that) has hit the mark with va’s every time. they all sound exactly how i would expect them too so far and i can’t wait for more scenes w the newer characters!!

YESS IK WHICH HAMSTER YOU MEAN that’s exactly what he looks like!! i don’t feel too bad about slandering hiori in the fwtkac series because i wrote white butterfly where he’s the main interest so obviously i don’t hate him…plus fwtkac y/n is hiori’s biggest (and probably only atm) defender so it balances out (and technically all of his nonsense is literally canon KHLFJSJD his light novel is so funny!! why does he literally stalk karasu (me fr though)!! i feel like in the manga it seems like karasu’s interest in hiori is v one-sided but then you read the ln and you’re like oh…this guy (meaning hiori) is actually a little bit Not Normal…in the words of y/n “he was definitely a freak.”) his light novel goes the most into depth about karasu’s character (it’s almost as much abt karasu as it is about hiori) so i did a reread before starting fwtkac and that’s what made me include little references to it!!

I JUST CHECKED THEIR WIKI PAGES BEFORE WRITING THAT TO MAKE SURE IT WAS TRUE i honestly forgot which one was taller between the two of them but i had a sense it was yuki AND IT WAS DSLFKJ especially the fact that it’s only by one cm you KNOW that is karasu’s roman empire…tbf i don’t think that it includes hair because according to the wiki nagi is taller than barou but w the hair included i think they end up being about the same height?? though nagi does slouch a bit so that much contribute to it…imagine the hairstyle y/n makes fun of in the series is actually a different one than we’re used to and he only pulls up w the crow hairstyle while in bllk so he can feel like he’s taller than yukimiya HAHAHA

oh that panel will forever be famous in the hearts of all karasu stans…plus the ones of him in the latest chapter AHHHH that is one pretty boyyy. chigiri and barou are so unserious together i honestly love how chigiri is characterized in epinagi!! he’s so much sillier than he is in the main manga. omg so i actually started the show because of rin and then when i first started watching i really liked kunigami?? i was pretty lukewarm on nagi during his first appearance and then i noticed myself rewatching his scenes in the team v vs team z match and i was like oh no…then he was in the second selection and it went downhill from there and now he’s my stupid dumb squishy boyfriend who i love sm 🥹 omg who are your favs now?? besides karasu ofc 😏

PEOPLE KEEP SAYING THEY ALMOST CRIED TO WHITE BUTTERFLY IS IT REALLY THAT SAD??? i had fun writing that one though it felt very whimsical and dreamy which fit hiori imo…omg peregrine i need to get back to working on it hehe i love nagi and reo in that fic!! the boys of all time fr 💖 thank you so much though you’re too kind 🫶🏻 i do enjoy writing a lot!! i’ve been pretty bored this summer so i’m glad that my milestone event could line up with me having sm free time…although honestly just by doing requests i’ve gotten so many new followers that i might have to do another event soon 😭 i actually really like having them open though!! i think i’ll probably leave them closed for a bit while i finish up the existing ones and work on some of my own ideas but i might open them up just for bllk again in the future because everyone’s ideas are sm fun and i love meeting new people through them!! plus i get to try writing for new characters…like realistically i never would’ve written for sae hiori or even isagi and kaiser without people requesting for them but some of those requests ended up becoming my fav fics i’ve written so far!! we will see though hehe no promises atm but like i said i’m always open to thoughts and if inspiration strikes then i won’t say no 🤩

PLSSSS THAT RIN FANART HAD ME DYING that’s who rin is to me!! he is an emotionally unavailable little weirdo SKLDJFLKJS i think a big reason why i don’t really like rin that much is because his fanon characterization is so different from the type of character i like that i’m just meh abt him. actual canon rin is one of my favs though he’s sooo funny and such a loser but i CANNOT engage with 90% of media abt him because i’m just sitting there like He Would Not Say That. ofc characters are open to interpretation though so i will never slander someone for writing him how they want to but i am afraid that the rin who exists to me and the rin who exists to the world are very diff characters entirely

NOOO dw i love getting long asks!! i add the ‘read more’ so that people who want to lurk on my blog don’t have to scroll through a bunch of my nonsense chattering to get to things like my writing/the majestic fan art that i reblog but long asks are like my fav thing ever so please don’t restrain yourself!! i will respond to each and every thing you say with pleasure 🤞🏻

[alphawave-writes]

Ao3 Ask Game

Thanks @changethecircumstances It's been a while since I've done one of these ask games (BTW I am always down to do more if people send them my way)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 80

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,073,622.

That's...that's 13k er story roughly.

That's a lot.

3. What fandoms do you write for? The fandoms I've written for are varied but are almost exclusively video game fandoms. Currently I write for Alan Wake/Control (despite only playing Control) and Overwatch, but before that I was writing for the Yakuza/Like a Dragon/Ryu ga Gotoku fandom, Detroit: Become Human, Apex Legends and Dynasty Warriors.

4. Top five fics by kudos Oh god, I'll go in order.

DPD (Detroit: Become Human: Reed900) — What started as my riff on Brooklyn99 romance comedy mixed with police procedural became this beast about trying to make a difference and belonging. My most popular by like DOUBLE second place.

Pain and Pleasure (Disco Elysium: Harry/Kim) — It's an NSFW fic about consensual choking. Fun fact, I had NOT played the game at this point nor do I even OWN it, I just saw bits of a walkthrough and no one had written about the obvious kink so I took it upon my mortal hands. You're welcome

Sparks fly (Disco Elysium: Harry/Kim) — Fun story: so remember last paragraph where I said I hadn't played the game? I won't reveal why but I got gifted a copy of Disco Elysium by a kind then-stranger and I had to pay back with 10K words worth of smut on a niche kink. It was fun though, I do still love this fic.

Drinking games (Detroit: Become Human: FOUND FAMILY PLATONIC HankCon) — My first DBH fic. I showed this one to my dad because I figured the story was cute and not romantic and comedic enough that he would enjoy it. Then he thought Connor was a literal child, and then a child robot, and that Hank was an abusive dad.

Safe to say after having that fic misinterpreted so badly motivated me to try and make my stories relatively standalone (and also never show even my SFW stuff, because it's one thing if family don't like or get what you write but it is ANOTHER thing when they completely misinterpret it LOL)

Experimental design (Sonic movie: Stobotnik) — Abandoned but not forgotten. I had big plans for it exploring Stone's origins,

5. Do you respond to comments? Usually. Sometimes I forget and sometimes I worry about spamming people with 'Thank yous' when I can't think of anything else to say, especially on repeat commentors, but in general yes

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Depends on your definition of angst. If you want a sad cry angst where literally everybody dies, that will have to be my Harry/Kim fic Despite everything. If you want angst in a more messed up horrible sense, that'll be my recent Zaneling fic CONFIDENTIAL: Burning and drowning. I don't typically write angst endings though.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Aside from the smut? I think that will have to be the everyone reunites and is a family together ending for my Sigrold fic, Evil actions and good intentions.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Never directly, and almost never directly. Apart from one instance where a very particular shipper made a vague post suggesting I was orientalist (despite BEING HALF-ASIAN MYSELF) everyone seems to like my works! Which is nice, I hope it means my stories are good.

9. Do you write smut? A fair bit, but it is admittedly not easy for me to write. When I do, it's never PWP. At the very least, I like to play on the buildup, the foreplay if you will. Set the scene. It's easier to say I write plot with porn LOL

10. Craziest crossover? I never actually write crossovers, but one unfinished WIP I had based on a tweet was going to be Austin Powers x Bayonetta, which basically had Austin Powers replace Luka. This was before Bayo 3, so I was gonna play it semi-serious and have Austin Powers be revealed to be a Lumen Sage himself. Play it like Austin Power 3 kinda.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of. Hopefully never happened. Most likely never happened since I tend to write for either obscure ships or obscure fandoms.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? A few times, always with permission which is nice.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? The only time I think I co-wrote a fanfic specifically it wasn't quite a co-write since the other person did a normal fanfic and I did a TWINE TEXT ADVENTURE. I'm just crazy like that.

14. All time favourite ship? I think by just sheer amount of time and energy put in, at this stage it's Sigrold (Sigma x Dr Harold Winston for the uninitiated). Maybe it's because Dr Harold Winston has changed so much he's basically my glorified OC, maybe I like old men yaoi where at least one of them is a scientist, maybe it's the fact I'm currently writing an original novel that features two characters that are essentially OC-fied versions of Sigma and Harold. Whatever the reason, they just have a grip on me that I'll never let go of.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? The aforementioned Experimental design. I had quite a few plans for it, but I think Disco Elysium kinda took over the brain and I could only focus on one fandom at a time. While I still love the Stobotnik ship, I don't think I'll have the motivation to finish this fic.

16. What are your writing strengths? I think personality and tone are my strengths. I like to inject a bit of humour into conversations and add some of my own original flair into all my works, but I also try to put the character's personality into the internal narration even when it's 3rd person. Last thing I want is for my work to be mistaken for the writing style of another.

I also try and play with the tone where I can, have it be fun and then tense. I hope I'm funny in some of my writings.

I've also been told by some people from non-English speaking backgrounds that my writing style is easy to read? That one, I cannot claim to be the authority on, but I hope people like it.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Spellchecks and grammar checks, for one. If I had beta readers I might be able to catch it but alas I don't, so any errors I make often goes unnoticed. I also have a bad habit of repeating words within paragraphs. It annoys me when I see them and it annoys me when I read it.

As for my stylistic stuff, I like my run-on sentences. I can't help it, it has to go on and on and on.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? Coming from a multicultural background, I don't mind dialogue in another language. I usually try and keep the raw original sentence or phrase, and either use context narration or worst case leave a footnote as to what it translates to.

19. First fandom you wrote in? Dynasty Warriors of all things. My longest fic by far is in that fandom. I liked Liu Shan, nobody else did, so I had to take matters into my own hands. Is it any good? Probably not, but you have to look at your old stuff and be amazed at how far one has come since then. Also I might wanna revisit that fanfic for an original piece, who knows?

20. Favorite fic you've written? God where do I begin? For my recent works, I have to say my Zaneling masterpiece Kill your Darlings since it's got a little bit of everything and it sets up a nice little AU I've been currently chipping away at. I was in a frenzy, I planned everything out and aside from minor changes I got almost everything written as I planned. A first for me!

On the more somber side, in Disco Elysium I'd say Ghost within nightmares as a character exploration of Kim Kitsuragi and Harrier du Bois (and in the game's style too).

NSFW-wise, it's a toss up between the Disco Elysium Sparks fly and the Overwatch Not my fault for different reasons. Mostly because I feel like I played with some unconventional kinks in a fun way.

And I can't forget the fic that started it all, the Liu Shan/Xingcai Dynasty Warriors fanfic A marriage written in the stars. Definitely have to revisit it one day in the future.

I tag anyone who sees this to do it if you haven't already

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

Rpg Anon: 1. Besides Sayaka, no other Japanese Folklore? 2. I've been getting a bit better emotionally. Not fully but regardless. 3. While I do like Celes of course having a French Persona who similarly died burning on a cross and labeled as a witch (yes I know about the firetruck), Jeanne is a relatively nice person who wanted to help people (who still swore a lot in history), while Celes is honestly an absolute selfish bitch. In FGO, there IS Jeanne Alter (Jalter) who is literally the reverse of normal Jeanne and revels in being a bitch to others (tho she's warmed up to everyone by now and is now just treated as a tsundere waifu by the community).

Side note: this might be irrelevant and kinda disturbing to bring up but if we're talking about Jeanne, should we bring up her friend Gilles de Rais aka Bluebeard aka Mr. I abducted, tortured, raped, and mutilated litte boys for years to prove that god exists and will punish me for my sins, all in the name of Jeanne? This might just be me portraying his Fate version but the point still stands.

4. Yeah I doubt Siegfried is for Leon. Side note: there's Siegfried and then there's Sigurd. Different versions of the same person that are now regarded as two different people. Different romantic partners, different deaths, different choices and experiences. 5. While Yog is also another H.P. Lovecraft Elder God and I understand that you're giving it to Mukuro to represent that she's Junko's sister, I'm still not sure if Mukuro should have it cuz most elder gods are just really fucked up evil people. Maybe I can find someone better fitting.

No, it kind of just worked out that way. I didn't really limit myself to nation because Persona 5 doesn't. 3's Persona's are based on Greco/Roman gods, while 4's are based on Japanese gods, but 5's Persona's have the setting of infamous thieves that can just come from anywhere. In fact, Yusuke is the only one of the team who has an actual Japanese figure as his Persona.

These days, I don't think it's possible to be completely content. The world just keeps getting worse lately, and we just have to take our licks when we can. Don't think about getting help if you need it though, just do it.

Be that as it may, I still think Jeanne d'Arc is one of the best possible choices for Celeste when it comes to the focus on folk heroes/characters. Really, Junko and Mukuro are the only two who break the trend, since their Persona's are kind of the villains of their stories, but they're also the primary villains of Danganronpa. Celeste is undoubtedly a villain in Survivor, but in core Danganronpa, while yes, she's a bit of a savage and is the furthest thing from a nice person, she's not "evil." Any horrible thing she does is out of desperation and a selfish desire to survive, putting her needs above everyone elses. It's egotistical and selfish, but that doesn't make her inherently evil, so it stands to reason she would still have a folk hero. On the other note, in regards to Bluebeard, I actually did make him the Persona of one of the V3 students, since by this point we are undoubtedly going to cover them next. I won't say who, but I think it's pretty obvious.

Honestly, if I just had an alternative, I'd go for it. The problem is that Leon isn't exactly what one would call heroic. He's a better person than Byakuya or Celeste, but he's not really a nice person either.

Going back to what I was saying about Celeste, I'm thinking about it from the core series primarily, not including Survivor. In Survivor, Mukuro gets a second chance, and makes the wise choice to follow through with it and turn over a new leaf; which is entirely possible, as the events of Danganronpa IF (which as a reminder, is what I consider to be semi-canon. It didn't actually happen, but it COULD have). However, people in canon DR seem to forget that Mukuro, at least originally, was equally as horrible a person as Junko was. She is responsible for acts of terrorism, mass genocide of an entire high school, lobotomy and brainwashing, as well as stalking, kidnapping, theft and smuggling. To be honest, I DID come up with something better, but the primary two reasons why I didn't talk about it is because it's not a folk-hero, and I do intend to have it come up at some point in Phantom Thieves of Hope, so I'm going to avoid spoilers.

Fate Grand Order, while yes, is also an intriguing take on demigods and folk stories, has no sway here. Persona's are typically based off the original mythological figures, not incarnations of them from media. And yes, I acknowledge that I did pick both Maximus and Leonidas from their respective roles in Gladiator and 300, but they were historical figures who fought through similar battles, and I try to focus mainly on the legend than other stories told about it.

-Mod

[petertingle-yipyip]

FINGERS CROSSED - MATT MURDOCK

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Word Count: 4,370

Summary: An old friend comes back to town and when she nearly dies, Matt lets something slip (loud enough that his actual girlfriend hears it). 

You had been up late, running over the notes Foggy gave you earlier. You had the papers sprawled over the floor of the bedroom while you were scribbling your own key points and questions. You weren’t sure if you were trying to piece something together so Matt wasn’t completely lost - if he ever showed up for the case - or if you were looking to find something that Foggy missed. Or maybe you just wanted something else to focus on other than Matt’s ridiculous secrecy as of late.

The case was counting on the medical examiner’s admission of falsifying the death certificates. And your friends got it, but under coercion. It was stricken from the record and your friends were left with nothing. Nothing but anger and resentment at each other, admittedly due to Matt’s secrecy and his new “private client” that he told not even you about.

And you didn’t blame Foggy. Matt had pissed you off with that as well. He was the one who insisted the firm take on the Castle case and yet he was missing for most of it. Lucky for your friends, you had free time to help.

“So glad I didn’t go to law school.” You muttered as you reached for one of the further stacks of papers. “This Punisher case is a mess…”

The door opened quickly but before you could welcome your boyfriend home, you heard the commotion. Stick was barking orders, Matt was moving in a hurry, and a girl was groaning in pain. You haphazardly bunched all your papers into the folder and took them with you to put on the coffee table. Coming out, you saw Elektra with a gruesome gash across her stomach and bleeding out on the couch.

“Holy shit.” You whispered, kneeling beside her. “Please don’t die on this couch.”

You didn’t dislike Elektra per say, but she wasn’t your favorite person. Not anymore at least. You two had been relatively close friends in college but her so-called mission with Matt drove you two apart. Since you always knew the truth about her, you couldn’t be around them a lot. It was too tempting to tell Matt the truth. But once Elektra left, you were the one who helped him get his schooling back on track and move forward. You never brought it up again because it simply wasn’t your story to tell.

“You could’ve told me you were running around with her, Matt.” You scolded as you pressed your palm to her stomach, a few inches about the deep slice. She whimpered as you applied the light pressure and you mumbled an honest apology.

“Really?” Matt scoffed, drawing a glare from you. “You want to do this now? She’s dying.”

“Why do you think I’m right here, dipshit?” You rolled your eyes and let your power work. “You forget she was my friend first.”

You focused on Elektra’s pain, reeling it in towards yourself. You liked to think of pain like a glow, a blazing white - sometimes red - warm glow within the body that shone like a beacon only to you. And once you found it, you pulled it into your own chest like you were reeling in a fish. It could easily dissipate in your body without you feeling a thing, so it gave you a rather effective bedside manner. There was also the other side to your power, the delivery of the pain that you absorbed from others. You could take that glow and target it towards someone else. Mimic the feel of a compound fracture in their leg, a snap in their ankle, their stomach twisting into literal knots, or even a constant building pressure behind their eyes - anything you could think of really. But the weaponized side of your power, you hadn’t used it in years since you left SHIELD.

“Bring her in here.” Stick called from the bedroom.

You were suddenly very glad that you had gotten the papers out of the room. Matt pushed past you and scooped up Elektra before carrying her into the bedroom. You huffed in annoyance as he turned his back to you but said nothing. You heard his gentle coos, assuring her that she’d be okay.

“You’d think she was his girlfriend.” You muttered with a roll of your eyes. You hoped Matt heard you, though you doubted he was paying a lot of attention to you. Instead, you turned your focus back to the case notes. You sorted through the papers and found the few that you were studying just minutes before.

“Y/L/N!” Stick called after a few seconds of silent chaos.

“What?” You returned, refusing to lift your eyes as you scanned the papers. The single syllable was sharper than you intended being that Stick wasn’t the one you irritated with but you didn’t care enough to retract it. It was relatively warranted, all things considered.

“Get your ass in here! This is gonna hurt like a bitch and she could use your help.”

“Of course, because God forbid-“ You complained as you pushed yourself to your feet and slammed your paper stack to the table. You didn’t know Stick that well but you knew he wasn’t going to let you say no. He was stubborn like that.

“Quit your bitching and get-“

“I’m coming!” You shouted angrily and entered the bedroom. You shoulder checked Matt on your way to the bedside and sat in the space beside Elektra.

“Y/N…” She said weakly, reaching for your hand.

“Shh.” You cut in and placed your hands over hers, finding the white glow almost instantly. “You can apologize after we fix your ass.”

She let out a strained chuckle before a sharp gasp when Stick poured the mixture over the slice. You felt the cold liquid splash your hand as he generously distributed it over the deep injury. He covered the wound with torn strips of sheet and claimed he was done.

“I’ll get the kit.” You offered, giving your friend one last look before slowly pulling your hand away.

Matt was quick to take your place beside her, causing a grind of your teeth. You pushed the anger aside while you went to the kitchen and rummaged through the cabinet until you found the small suture kit. You were bringing it back when Matt’s words stopped you at the door.

“Sweetie, stay with me.” He said gently. You stayed behind the glass of the door, just listening for a moment. “Stay with me.”

“Matthew…” Elektra said weakly. “I- I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He assured her. “It’s okay, just- Just stay.”

“I’ve known her to pull through worse.” You announced your arrival as you moved to the other side of the bed. You busied your hands with the kit, hoping to calm the subtle shake. You took a deep breath and once the pounding in your ears stopped, you turned back to Elektra.

Glancing at Matt, you saw he had her hand in his. He had his forehead leaning against their hands as he muttered a desperate, pleading prayer. Any other circumstance, you would’ve considered that sweet.

“Get out.” You said plainly as you swung a leg over her hips and leaned your weight back into her thighs.

“What?” He said quickly.

“Get. Out.” You emphasized. “You’ll only get in the way.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.”

“Stick?” You called, leaning down and began peeling the bloodied sheets back while you held the thread between your teeth to free your hands. “Get Matty out of here, please!”

“Y/N.” He grabbed your arm, knowing it would lead to a quick turn of your head.

“Your precious ‘private client’ will be fine.” You mocked. “It’s your girlfriend you need to be a little more careful with.”

“What?”

“Stick!”

“Come on.” Stick said from the doorway. Matt didn’t take his hand away, though you could feel the subtle movement of his thumb under your sleeve as he tried to read you.

Matt could feel the heat radiating off you, the anger that was coursing through your veins. Your heart was beating fast, blood pumping hard. He could practically feel the heat of your glare as well. It would be an understatement to say you were angry, but he wasn’t completely sure what pisesd you off so bad. Surely, it wasn’t as simple as Elektra getting hurt.

“Ellie’s a real fighter. And Y/N does a hell of a patch job. You should know that.” Stick added.

“What did you just say?” Matt said, hesitantly letting his hand leave your arm as he followed after Stick. “Did you just call her Ellie?”

“Y/N.” Elektra groaned as you began pressing the edge of the still bloody wound together. “I- I didn’t know… I didn’t know…”

“Didn’t know what, El?” You sighed.

Your anger had peaked and was now dissipating, and maybe that was just due to Matt being out of sight. Worry filled its place. Worry that Elektra was going to bleed out in Matt’s bed. That you’d lose one of the few friends who really understood you, your powers and the way you were raised. But also that Elektra held more of Matt’s heart than you or he realized. You had to push the last thought out of your head to focus on the task at hand.

You worked slowly, carefully threading the needle through her skin and muscles. All the while, you used the fingers that held the wound closed to absorb the pain into your body. You felt her pulse under your fingers and it was steady, strong, too stubborn to die.

That was the Elektra you were friends with, maybe even missed after all.

“That you were the girlfriend… I thought it was just the… The blonde from his office.”

“Karen wishes it were her.” You chuckled slightly. “I didn’t know you were back in town either so I guess we both were in the dark.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s…” You trailed off. “I’m not gonna say it’s okay, because I don’t know if I’m angry or upset right now. And I don’t know who to blame… Probably Matt.”

She laughed weakly.

“I wish you would’ve called me too. Matt’s not the only one who could’ve helped you.”

“I didn’t think- I figured you wouldn’t- wouldn’t want to hear from me again.”

“Of course I would, dumbass.” You shook your head fondly.

“I’m sorry… I should’ve-”

“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me.” You assured her. “I just-“

“Did you always love him?”

“What?”

“It’s obvious.” She chuckled weakly. “You love him… Did you always?”

“No.” You said honestly. “I had a crush while you two were together, I’ll admit that. But I didn’t get real feelings until after you left and it was me and him… Y’know, you left me too that night.”

“I never meant to hurt either of you. But I had to go, to protect him…”

“I know. But it didn’t make it easier…” You snipped the end of the stitches before gently placing some gauze over it. You taped the ends before patting her side and climbing off. “Get some rest, okay?”

“Y/N/N?”

“Yeah?” You didn’t look up while you were cleaning up your things. There was a wave of nostalgia as she used that old nickname for you.

“You’re the only real friend I’ve ever had, save for Matthew…” That made your movements stop and a small smile made its way across your lips.  “Thank you.”

“Yeah, you were my first real friend too.”

You grabbed the kit and left the room, gently closing the door behind you. You came out to Stick sitting on the sofa with a smug expression while Matt stood tensely between the two arm chairs. Clearly they had abruptly paused their tense conversation and there was no indication that they were going to continue it with you in the room. You tilted your head with a wide eyed expression, thinking ‘This is gonna be fun’, as you quietly walked to the kitchen.

You tossed the kit on the counter before washing the blood off your hands and pouring yourself a drink.

“You didn’t think that was important to share?” You asked finally, gesturing towards Elektra in the bedroom. Clearly no one else was going to break the tension. “Or were you just-“ You shrugged. “-trying to keep her to yourself?”

“What did you expect me to say?” Matt sighed.

“I don’t know.” You tilted your head back and forth as if you were thinking. “How about ‘Hey Y/N. Elektra is back in town and wants my help with something. She could use your help too’? It’s really not that hard to just communicate.”

“It’s not that simple either.”

“Right.” You threw back your drink. “Because it’s not like I could’ve helped you guys, right?”

“Y/N.”

“Because this.” You sent a quick jolt of pain towards Matt. Nothing extreme, just the sensation of a pinch on his arm. “Wouldn’t have been useful?”

“I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.”

“Oh my god.” You muttered in annoyance.

“Y/N, I’d never be able to forgive myself if I dragged you into something and you got hurt.”

“Mhmm… But she’s hurt. She’s hurt and you’re entire fucking world stopped, didn’t it?”

“It’s not like that.”

“But it is!”

“That's not what this is.”

“No, you wanna know what this is? This is Matt Murdock ditching his girlfriend and his friends and his job for her without a second thought. The case that you insisted on taking on is very quickly turning into a shit storm and where are you? Hmm? Running around with her all night! You’re ignoring Matt’s responsibilities and are only worried about Daredevil.”

“I- I know I’ve left you guys in the dark… A lot, lately. Alright?”

“Under statement of the fucking year, Matty.”

“I know that. But what me and her are dealing with, it’s something so much bigger.”

“Is it really more important than everything else in your life, hmm? More important than Foggy? Than me?”

He sighed and shook his head, putting his hands on his hips. He didn’t have an answer, not one you would like at least.

“Told you this would happen, Matty.” Stick added. “You can’t have it all.”

“I thought you liked me.” You turned in shock.

“You’re alright.” Stick waved you off.

“And you’re still a dick.” You looked back to Matt. “Answer me this then, Murdock. Do you still have feelings for her?”

He scoffed.

“Pretty simple now, isn’t it?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit.” You rolled your eyes. “I’ve been patient and steady with you through everything, but you’re not gonna wiggle out of this.”

“She seems serious.” Stick chimed in in amusement.

“Pick a side, old man.” You said firmly as you moved to stand behind the couch. “Do you or do you not have feelings for her, Matt?”

“No, I don’t. It was a long time ago. And I- I’m over it. I’m over her.”

You nodded slightly as you thought about his answer. It would’ve been easier to accept his answer. If it was a simple no, then why did he try to deflect the question? You moved suddenly, throwing your empty glass at the wall past Matt’s head. Stick chuckled as the glass shattered but Matt looked at you like you were crazy. The sudden movement shocked you as well, but luckily Matt couldn’t see that expression on your face.

“You think I don’t know when you’re lying?” You challenged. “I may not have super senses like you, but I don’t need them. You’re not necessarily a great liar.”

“Did you just-”

“Stay with me, sweetie.” You mocked and closed the distance between you two. Matt sighed inwardly as he finally realized his mistake. He hadn't even meant to call her that, hadn't even noticed when he did.

“Sweetie?” You shoved his chest. Matt let you take your anger out on him, accepting that he deserved it. He wouldn’t have been surprised if you had walked out right then.

“Sweetie?!” Another shove. “If you’re so over her, then why do you still hustle and wait on her like she’s queen of the goddamn world?”

“I- I didn’t-” He tried to explain, but he knew nothing he said would make up for it. He messed up big time. “It just slipped out, okay? I wasn’t thinking.”

You simply rolled your eyes and turned to leave. “I don’t have to put up with this.” You sighed.

“Where are you going?” He asked, reaching out and grabbing your wrist.

You could practically feel the desperation in his touch. He really didn’t want you to go, but he wouldn’t stop you. To Matt, you were everything. His sunshine on the gloomiest days, his warmth through any cold. You were his comfort, his home. And to you, Matt was all that and more, if possible. But your mind was so clouded with anger, jealousy, doubt, and hurt, that you couldn’t see anything other than that haze.

“Clearly you have other priorities. Don’t let me stand in your way.”

“Y/N.” He tried to pull you closer but let go when you yanked your wrist away. He felt something crack in his chest.

“Don’t.” You said firmly. “I’ve been the one at your side for years since she left. I’ve been the one who made you sure you were okay after everything. Every stupid fight and every cut, bump, and bruise. I was the one who was there to make sure it didn’t hurt and made sure to patch you up. I’ve kept your secret from everyone that you didn’t want to know and the minute - the minute - that she pops up in your life again, she’s your priority. It’s like she never left!”

“It isn’t like that!” He said suddenly, praying he could make things right. “You know that I love you.”

“I really wish you said that when you didn’t have your fingers crossed.” You scoffed and gathered all your papers again. You didn’t use your powers, but Matt suddenly felt like his heart was in a very tight vice. “All the hours spent giving advice on how to help you with all your bullshit.” You mumbled.

“Where are you going?” Matt asked sadly.

“I don’t know.” You said honestly. “Elektra should be fine so I don’t- I don’t think I need to stay. Not tonight at least..”

“Y/N…”

“I could say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” You shrugged. “You still have feelings for her and I’m not gonna sit here and play second fiddle to her. Not again.”

“Again?” He tilted his head in confusion.

“In college. You put her above everything, even your own degree. Matt, you can’t be that dense.”

“Don’t go.” He said quietly, damn near pleading. He knew if he said anything else, he wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears burning his eyes. “Please… Stay.”

“Alright, enough of this.” Stick announced and stood. He turned towards you. “You, sit down.”

“Bite me.” You rolled your eyes.

“I’ve told him a hundred times that these connections he insists on having will only end bad, but he still chose to keep you in his life.”

“Should I feel special?” You mocked.

“You should realize that for some stupid reason he cares about you.” Stick corrected. “He cares about you and he cares about Elektra.”

“It’s how much he cares about her that’s the problem.” You rolled your eyes, grabbing your jacket and phone on the way out the door. “But clearly neither of you are listening to me so I’m out of here.”

“Stop being so dramatic.” Stick groaned in annoyance.

“I hope you figure this out soon, Matt.” You called while you put your shoes on. “Because it’s going to be very awkward around the office if you don’t. And when she wakes up, let El know I’m not mad at her.”

“Y/N, please.. Don’t go. We can- We can talk this out. Just…”

“Goodnight, Matt.”

You headed down the stairs and took a seat about halfway down. You didn’t know where you were supposed to go. It was too late to knock on Karen or Foggy’s door. You left your wallet and your car keys in the bedroom, and you weren’t going to wander the streets aimlessly in the middle of the night. So, you camped out near one of the dim lights, put your headphones in, and went over the case notes again.

Reviewing each paper ten times over, you found nothing. There was no way, from your point of view, to win that damn case. Or maybe you were missing something. Maybe you just weren’t focusing or weren’t looking at the right things. Maybe that hallway was just too damn cold to focus. Regardless, your mind was clouded and heavy with everything that had happened that night. So you huffed in annoyance and dropped the papers on the step beside you.

“Pointless.” You sighed and wiped your face. How long had you been out there anyway? “Fucking. Pointless.”

You felt a poke to your shoulder and when you looked up, you saw Stick standing a few steps above you. You took out one headphone and sighed expectantly.

“So you’re really gonna walk out on him like that?” Stick scolded.

“I just needed space to think, I guess.” You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“He would burn down this whole city for you. His city.”

“Yeah… But what would he do for her?”

“Y’know, this pity party has been exhilarating but I think it’s time you get your ass up and knock this shit off.”

“I don’t need a lecture, alright?” You groaned. “This is between me and Matt so just… Fuck off.”

“Open your eyes, girl.” He rolled his eyes. It was clear Stick was tired of your incessant whining. And truthfully, you were growing tired of it too.

“Open my eyes?” You scoffed. What could he have picked up that you missed?

“Open your eyes.” He repeated and jabbed his finger against your forehead. “And it’s sad you need a blind man to tell you that.”

“What are you going on about?” You smacked his hand away.

“Did you not realize the boy was about to burst into tears when you threatened to leave?”

You thought for a moment, picturing Matt’s expressions as you challenged his devotion to you. He was upset, sure. But thinking back, he was close to tears. You had been so swept up in your own anger that you hadn’t paid attention, or you subconsciously chalked it up to being for Elektra.

“Fuck.” You sighed sadly. “How did I miss that?”

“You were too busy comparing yourself to Elektra.” He continued, ignoring your now fallen composure. “But you’re not Elektra. You’re Y/N.”

“And you’re still an old, blind jack-ass. What’s your point, Stick?”

“You and Matt have a different relationship than him and Elektra. You are exactly what he needs, especially now.”

“He’s always gonna love her, isn’t he?” You sighed in acceptance.

“Probably.” Stick shrugged. “But I can tell he loves you too, probably more. So just. Take it easy on him.”

“All I know is I can’t be pushed to the side because of her.” You said with a small shake of your head.

“So get off your ass and don’t let him push you aside.”

You hummed in agreement and thought for a moment. Elektra was the first girl Matt fell for. Of course she would hold a special place in his heart. And even Elektra said that she didn’t want to come between you and him. At the end of the day, Matt had your heart. And damn it all if that wasn’t worth fighting for.

“Thanks.” You said as you grabbed the folder and stood. “The old man has a heart after all.”

“Don’t go telling anyone.” He grumbled before continuing down the stairs.

You snuck back into the apartment and found Matt in the living room. He had put away his Daredevil suit and was sitting in one of the arm chairs, head leaning against the back and eyes closed. You realized very quickly why he angled himself so uncomfortably in the chair. He wanted to leave the couch available to you in case you came back that night. You couldn’t help but smile softly when it clicked in your head.

“My darling, Saint Matthew.” You said softly. You kicked off your shoes by the doors and shrugged your jacket off, hanging it on the hook above your shoes. 

“Matty.” You said gently, shaking his shoulder. “Don’t sleep here, Matt. Lay on the couch, c’mon.”

“Y/N?” He muttered, sleep plain in his voice. He wasn’t fully asleep but he was knocking on the door. His hand came around yours and held tightly. “I thought you left.”

“I’m not gonna walk around this late by myself… Plus I got bored and cold.” You lied, causing him to chuckle. “C’mon, my love.”

“I’m sorry.” He let you take him by hand to pull him to the sofa.

You sat down first and turned to the side with a leg up, allowing Matt to lay between your legs with his head on your stomach. He liked to listen to your heartbeat before he fell asleep. Something about the steady rhythm was a deep comfort to him.

When he was close to you, he felt like nothing bad in the world could touch him. None of Daredevil’s problems could find him. No pain or danger or cruelty of the world could get close when you were there. None of that existed, just you and him.

He would always be grateful you chose him to love, and being worthy of that affection was all he could hope to be.

“Yeah, me too.” You nodded, running your fingers through his hair gently while he wrapped his arms around you. “I love you, Matty, so so much.”

“I love you too, Y/N.” He mumbled against your shirt and held you a little tighter. “I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.” You assured him sweetly. “We’ll talk more in the morning. Get some rest.”

[p0und-cake]

The Dead Kid’s Brother and the Freak (Part One)

Part Two! - Part Three!

eddie munson x male!hargrove!reader

SPOILERS FOR STRANGER THINGS SEASON FOUR

plot summary - im planning for this to be a 3-parter! first part is about how reader and eddie met, second is how they got together, third is the reader being infected with vecna’s curse !

warnings - mention of death, mention of unaliving, attempted unaliving, talking someone down from unaliving, mention of homophobia, censored f slur, cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of drinking/alcohol

———————————————————————————

Right now, being Eddie Munson’s boyfriend and the dead kid’s brother really wasn’t the greatest position ever for you. You would really rather be at home with your step-sister and step-mother instead of hiding at Skull Rock with Eddie after watching Patrick McKinney get his bones broken like someone was cracking a glow-stick.

Ever since you and Eddie had watched Chrissy Cunningham die in his trailer, things had just taken a turn for the worst. You had heard Chrissy’s bones cracking from Eddie’s bedroom along with his screaming, and when you got in the living room, you saw something you could never imagine, despite having seen a huge monster at the Starcourt mall. Chrissy had been suspended in the air, her limbs bent in several directions that NO limbs should ever go. You came in right as her eyeballs popped out of their sockets and she crashed into the floor. You had no time to get over the shock that Chrissy was the one buying from your boyfriend, and just had to deal with the fact she was dead on the floor.

You and Eddie had a sort of agreement. It was pretty much common courtesy that he didn’t tell anybody who his customers were, and you accepted that. So when he told you somebody was coming over for a deal, you nodded and said you’d stay in his room until the person was gone. Of course, that didn’t last very long.

Eddie was of course freaking out. Some girl had just fucking died in his living room. As he yelled and cried you had stared at Chrissy’s body, trying to figure out what had even happened. Was it something with the upside down? If it was, fuck that shit. Not after what had happened to your brother.

“Let’s go.”

“Huh?!” Eddie sputtered, almost forgetting you were there.

“We can’t report this to the cops. They’re…” You hesitated, knowing that Eddie wasn’t going to want to hear this. “They’re…gonna think either me or you did it.”

“What?!”

“Think about it, Ed!” You grabbed his shoulders to stop him from pacing. “Chrissy Cunningham is fucking dead in your living room! What is that gonna look like?! My sister knew I was going here! We live right across the street!”

Good god, what was Max going to think?

“We have to get the hell out.” You said, trying to stay calm for Eddie’s sake.

“Shit, shit, you’re right.” He breathed out shakily. “Come on, I-I know somewhere!” Eddie grabbed one of your hands that was on his shoulders and dragged you out, audibly freaking out as he did so. You jumped in the passenger seat and he got in the driver’s. He quickly sped off, leaving you to just stare at where you lived with Max and Susan.

This was just going to crush them. After what had happened with Billy and then Neil leaving? You had picked up a job at a gas station in order to help Susan provide for everybody. After your brother had passed away, everything had just gone south. She and Neil had started fighting, he left, she picked up multiple jobs, and now she was drinking like no tomorrow. You had tried hard to be there for Max, but she had almost shut off completely. Nobody except you was exactly close to Billy, but you knew she had some caring for him. You couldn’t imagine how it must feel grieving for someone who hurt you.

As Eddie had ranted about wherever you were going, all you could think about was Billy. What would he do? You were a little sad to say you didn’t know. The two of you were relatively close when you were kids and your mother was around. But Neil ruined everything. He had driven Mom away and only caused you and Billy so much more pain. You remembered the nights when Billy would come to you with black eyes, fighting back tears and trying to be strong. You were just a little older than him, but that didn’t make the fact you were his big brother any different.

That being said, you couldn’t handle the fact that you had failed him once moving to Hawkins. You had forgotten what being a big brother had meant. He had seemed so independent and was pushing you away, so you figured he didn’t need you anymore. He had grown up. You stopped staying at the house as often. You went out with some of the jock friends you had made. You didn’t want to deal with Neil yelling at you and hurting you and calling you slurs. You realized too late that really had needed you. He was dead by the time you had realized how royally you’d fucked up. You had left him alone in a house. But not a home.

Ever since he died the guilt was starting to eat you alive.

But that’s how you met Eddie Munson.

It had all started when your dad left. He made you stay with Susan and Max. He told you it was your fault that Billy had died. Everything had been your fault, according to him. Your fault that your mother had left. Your fault Max was getting into trouble. You were to blame for all of it. You remember Susan begging him to take it back, that you didn’t do anything. But his words still rang clear in your head.

“The f*g only has himself to blame.”

Now you realized he just said that because he didn’t want to admit it was his fault. But then? You were still grieving over your little brother who you failed to save.

So, that night after Neil had left, you decided you didn’t want anything to be your fault ever again. Standing on the edge of that quarry that one middle schooler got his arms broken at by some girl, apparently, you were ready to just relieve everybody. But before you could do what you had planned, someone had called out.

“Hey, woah, bud! That’s the wrong place you wanna jump off if you’re going for a swim.”

You had whipped around and saw a strange boy your age with a shirt that read ‘Hellfire’. He was obviously cautious, knowing what your plan was.

“Go away!” You shouted. “Just- get out of here!”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Yeah, you fucking can! Just go, please! I dunno who you are, but nothing you have to say is gonna make me fuckin’ feel better!”

The boy sighed, and you thought he had left, but suddenly he was right there next to you.

“Well, you at least gonna tell me your name so I can tell people who I saw jump off at the quarry?”

“What? What do you care?”

“You gonna answer the question?” He asked, perfectly calm as opposed to your loud, shaky voice and puffy eyes. “What’s your name?”

“…(Y/n)…”

“(Y/n)…?”

“…Hargrove.” You uttered the last name like it was delicate glass.

It seemed to click in his head immediately. Hargrove. The dead kid. You were related to the dead kid.

“Shit…well, I’m Eddie. Nice to meetcha.” He offered you a smile and held out his hand. Your eyebrows furrowed as you nervously took his hand. “Now, if you’re gonna jump, just know it’s not gonna solve anything.” He said, gripping your hand in his as if to try and ground you. You just glared and ripped your hand away.

“I guess I’ll have to be the judge of that.” You gave him no further explanation and that’s when you stepped off the edge.

Instantly, you regretted it. The feeling of falling really wasn’t fun, and in that moment you remembered Susan and Max. Luckily, that feeling didn’t last too long.

A strong hand had grasped your arm. Eddie had knelt down on the edge and grabbed you. All he did was smile at you.

“You really think I was gonna let you fall, Hargrove?” He quickly yanked you up. This man had strength.

You scrambled up and scooted away from the cliff, trying to fight back the tears that were coming on but miserably failing. You’d always been shamed for crying. It wasn’t manly, according to…like, everybody you knew. You remembered hiding your tears during Billy’s funeral, only to go out by this same quarry and scream out your frustrations in private. But…Eddie didn’t say anything. He just went and sat next to you, crossing his legs. You tried stopping, worried he would eventually make some backhanded comment.

But he didn’t. He laid his hand on your back, being cautious in case you didn’t want to be touched.

“I know this is kinda weird considering we just met, but…do you wanna hug?”

You stared at him for a few seconds. When was the last time someone had hugged you? You couldn’t remember. Eddie seemed to sense your uneasiness, and he held out his arms, almost like he knew you basically forgot how to initiate one. You bit your lip and eventually just said fuck it and leaned forward and hugged the boy. As soon as he wrapped his arms around you, it was all over. The tears gushed out of your eyes like squeezing toothpaste out of a tube. Your throat tightened and you started shaking like a baby rattle. You were a mess. You felt pathetic as you cried like a baby in this stranger’s arms.

“Shit- f-fuck- ‘m sorry…” You stammered out, your words barely comprehensible due to your onslaught of tears. “You shouldn’t have to deal with a total stranger’s problems, man…”

“Well…yeah, so?” Eddie hummed. “I wasn’t about to let a pretty boy like you jump off and die a painful death on those rocks.”

Pretty boy? Your face was already red from crying, but it just got a little redder. That’s when you spotted the black handkerchief/bandana in his back pocket.

“I-I hope you didn’t stop me just because you wanted a fuck.” You mumbled, and now it was his turn to be surprised.

“I- well, no, that’s not what I meant-” he started stammering, not sure if he should reassure you or be surprised you knew what that meant. “You’re- I mean, shit-”

You couldn’t help but just laugh a little, sniffling as you pulled away. He looked a little scary, but he was actually pretty sweet. “It’s okay…I just joking. You’re…y’know?”

Eddie seemed to relax. “Yeah, I am. Are you?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded in understanding. “Well, nice to know you aren’t gonna call me a slur or anything.” He chuckled lightheartedly.

“Same.” You breathed out shakily. It wasn’t often you met another gay person. You knew Robin Buckley was, but that’s about it.

“So…do you wanna talk about anything? I mean if not, that’s whatever.” Eddie hummed. “If you want a distraction or anything, that’s cool too.”

“A distraction?”

Eddie smiled and stood up, offering his hand which had several huge rings. “Yeah, c’mon. Ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons?”

[xijura]

Sooooo I'm re-reading Heroes of Olympus and just finished House of Hades. If you've been around here you've probably guessed that Nico Di Angelo is my favourite character.

This book annoyed me to Tartarus and back.

I want to rant a little so let's take a look at these together.

Every time someone is around Nico they think about how disturbed or freaked out they are in his presence. And we know this because we are literary IN THEIR HEADS.

The only person who thinks about him with compassion or understanding is Hazel. (Because she's the best).

She relates to his experience through hers. Which makes sense because they are similar in so many ways yet different. And I guess you could argue that it's easier for her because she is his sister and he is her only living relative, but every one of the seven has some kind of trauma in their past, they are on this epic quest together knowing that their failure would mean the end of the world. They have to trust each other if they want to survive but at no point are they like "what if we got to know this dude in case he was my only way of getting out of a sticky situation?" or you know "what if I tried to understand his powers better so if needed we could devise strategies combining our strengths to make an effective team?". This is baffling to me.

I guess the series is more focused on the action and monster fighting than team bonding and friendship. Which is a loss. Especially since they still find time somehow to all end up in romantic pairs. (I can't believe we were told that Hazel and Piper bonded over their power and swordfight training but never got to see any of it)

And what the fuck with Percy going around telling people that Nico is a traitor and whatnot? #NotMyPercy

So to get back on track, can someone explain this to me?

First of all, this is pure hypocrisy on Jason's part since it took him a very long time to decide which side he was on. He knows how hard it is to struggle between who you are and the ways others see you, what they expect of you. So why would he say this as if not only is Nico being a coward (makes me mad just writing this) but also a stubborn child? Especially after he had a small yet very powerful front seat view to Nico's pain?

And Will... Not only was he the equivalent of Thalia joining the hunters, Calypso staying on Ogygia and Rachel becoming Oracle (as if percabeth is so fragile a ship anyone being single could break it. Shows how unfit for each other they really are but whatever) he also dropped out of nowhere to completely invalidate Nico's very canonical experience. Hate this guy.

Nico can see people's reactions to his presence, he is not blind nor is he stupid. So why do we have this? If just being in the room while it is absolutely required makes people on edge why would Nico think that it's okay to sit by their side and make small talk and laugh about stupid stuff. Did logic jump off the Argo II when the seven boarded?

Why would Nico be unjustified to think this?

Yes, sometimes reality is warped by our own self loathing, and I'm not saying that it is not partly the case here, but this is all just ridiculous. It's like Riordan forgets stuff as soon as it's written down.

Oh, and this:

I love how they both find it weird that someone has Nico's back for once. As if it's not something a friend or even a teammate would be expected to do.