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#i just. cant get close enough.
cerealmonster15 · 1 month
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walks into the function wearing a tshirt that says ASK ME ABOUT MY TOXIC THIRD YEARS POLYCULE HEADCANONS
this map has been stewing in my mind for years i think and i finally wrote it down in the illegible spaghetti way that i always do let's GO
lilia is not in the polycule he's just playing his own game of collecting sons. everyone is his son. he's also going to watch the drama because who doesn't love a soap opera playing out in real life he's got front row seats to the divorce vortex.
cater/trey/rook/vil are the ultimate four way polycule but also oh god theres so much going on there.
cater and trey are a ride or die duo but also trey knows cater sometimes isnt completely open with him but trey has a very passive nature to him as we've seen in book 1 and when he mentions cater's wish to himself in the starsending event... but theyre still close and care for each other a lot and i will die defending them if i have to fjdklsjfds
rook and vil oh my god rook and vil. they are so married. and so dramatic. and so. sdkfjsdkljf a little divorced because rook is also in love with the biggest rival of vils life but that is NOT enough to break their marriage. love finds a way. somehow. fdskjfjksdlg
^ i could go much more into both those duos but we simply. we dont have time we are moving along we are walking
rook and trey beloved science weirdos oh my god every time theyre on screen together theyre so funny. i love odd friendships. science marriage real.
cater canonically flirted with vil even tho it got somewhat censored in engtwst and was partially probably for clout reasons HOWEVER, to ME it's also for bisexual reasons. vil is canonically very pretty and caters like yeah 🧡🧡🧡 vil can see through when cater's being more superficial BUT ALSO they have genuine moments of getting along!!! like in events, beanfest 2 and the puppet one that's not out in eng yet. no spoilers here but there is a bit in puppet event that has me so vindicated on how they really do work well together and respect each other!!!!!!! into the polycule you go.
vil and trey,,, gestures to vil's lab coat story klsdjflksd they get along and it's cute. everybody loves trey.
even leona wants trey in the divorce polycule. no spoilers but please see playful land puppet event / leona's card vignette for that event. and also i think treys platinum birthday card story sljdflksdjf
the extreme difference between how malleus reacts to cater bothering him vs rook bothering him or even just Talking To Lilia is so funny. like he gets along with rook sometimes but in those two pe scenes hes SO aggro he wants that twink OBLITERATED he is going to KILL ROOK HUNT. but he will play tag with cater :^)
leona is the king of divorce. he is divorced to everyone he touches . he invented divorce. he's turbo divorced with vil and malleus because he and vil are just sooooooo. fsdkjfskdlg when therye on screen together it's like passive aggressive but mostly just aggressive bitching and bullying. theyre so funny. they have this energy of like "we have Tension but also i am going to kill you. i begrudgingly respect your abilities but i will only say so with layered insults." like the way vil says "so leona's got a pretty face but that's ALL he has going for him" like. multiple times. why does he keep doing that.
and then whatever he has going on with malleus is so funny. like malleus seems like hes a smug little bitch having fun with the banter [again he wants to Destroy Rook in those PE stories, but leona's blatant insults i feel like he's more teehee you stupid bitch >:)] and leona's just so pissed mad angry forever he's like no i need this dragon fucker DEAD for EXISTING !!! but i think malleus' having fun with the fellow teen experience of stupid razzing
leona and cater are giving me subtle divorced vibes in that one scene in book 2. listen. i have headcanons. ive talked about it. moving on 🚶
rook. leona. i feel i do not need to elaborate jfklsjfkljsekljfkl
idia is so funny. why are his opinions about everyone around him either "oh god hes ultra tier scary" or "he's so sparkly dazzling handsome beautiful". he does this often with no filter and it's so funny. i like that he and leona played chess for like hours or whatever in that one birthday vignette but i forget which one lol i think it was idia's union bday or something
do i have more to say. ive been thinking about them for hours and also years. i can and will talk about them forever i think they are So funny. this is just a messy summary of it all i'm barely scratching the surface i simply cannot go into full detail or this post will Never End GOODBYE!!!!
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machinafulmen · 19 days
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I can't help but make it 'bout me Oh, when you and I are together Now I'm brushing off the blood on my teeth And I'm hoping that I'm getting better
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mooniedangbiiachay · 2 months
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Duncan was so hard to draw at first but once I figure his face shape it's pretty fun now. Prop to people who can draw him.
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heres-someart · 6 months
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He said he loved me, and it was like a dream
Click for better detail. ID under cut. Reblogs are better than likes
ID:
A digital drawing of Juno Steel and Peter Nureyev, both in profile. Nureyev has his hand on Juno's face, bringing it up. Their faces are near each other but not quite touching. Peter is seen from the shoulders up and Juno from the neck up. Juno is a black person who wears a dark eyepatch. Peter is an asian man and is wearing a sheer red shirt. He has on dark red lipstick. His mouth is open slightly, making his sharp canine teeth visible
End ID
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sgkjd · 2 months
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me the minute i'm hit with over exhaustion: i need to die bc nobody needs me and im tired of pretending to be capable of being human
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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potatobugz · 3 months
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i feel as if im going mad so im going to just put this out here. real quick. movieunleashers starters ramble.
i cant stop thinking about how mudkip broke down in that one scene in "Typomaniac," when Chespin called him mean. for a second he lets his mask slip a little bit and to me he just... acts his age. he starts crying and calls chespin mean back. maybe im just hyperfocusing on this one detail but mudkip is about 12 years old.
and that just makes me wonder what happened in this guys life that brought him to where he is now. and it makes it all the more tragic how his whole world revolves around chespin, but he is the one bringing him the most pain. and how young he was when he died.
there is a large theme of growing up in "Rare Candy." the characters ages are emphasized in that particular episode, and one of the main conflicts is fennekin wanting to evolve faster.
the thing about characters in these stories is that they're not allowed to just be kids, to have a childhood. so many bad things happen to them. like. mudkips whole, Everything. fennekin when she was famous in typomaniac, or dealing with her own insecurities/pressure from society about her relationship w chespin. and chespin always having to shoulder his friends problems & always somehow managing to stay positive despite everything.
why cant they just. play video games. eat ice cream or something. go to the movies
at the end of the day, i think both mudkip and fennekin are characters who grew up too fast. by distancing himself from them, chespin refused to follow in their footsteps and just wanted to stay a kid.
good for him.
#starters movieunleashers#rambles#long post#mudkip starters#fennekin starters#chespin starters#NOT TO SAY THAT BEING 12 YEARS OLD ABSOLVES YOU OF ALL CRIME BUT GOOD GOD#i honestly think it was good for chespin to distance himself from them??? especially mudkip. holy cow#he seemed... happier(?) in wild oranberries but tbf its hard to say for sure#bc chespin loves doing this thing called “lying”#also. i saw the end credits sequence#not sure how to feel about it i do not have enough information to go off of#but i suppose itll make more sense... all in due time#but going back to what i said earlier i think the issues a lot more complicated#i worry about chespin that boys friendship is basically just “i can fix him!” like girl. no#THEY ALL NEED THERAPY#INCLUDING THE GANG FROM LAVENDER TOWN#*ESPECIALLY* THOSE GUYS#please. ill cry#i cant help but think this will all end in tragedy#i hope mudkip gets a good ending or at least a bittersweet one#like again. he kills people. but hes also like not even in high school and i feel bad for all of them#anyways IM SORRH GOR YHE LONG RAMBLE I RLLY LIKE THIS SERIES??? AND THIS THOUGHT WAS EATING ME ALIVE SO I RLLY WANTED TO SAY IT#hey gang. new hyperfixation#hm. i should also mention the “watching his close friend die on front of him and feeling responsible for it” to the list of chespins traumas#i domt think fennekin was a “bad friend” as much as i think she just had her owm things toing on#and its entirely chespins choice to dostance himself from her
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skunkes · 4 months
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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average-hua-cheng-fan · 11 months
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it's actually so important to me that in the memory loss extras xie lian finds out he doesn't have spiritual power anymore (because he's been having sex). it means
he feels comfortable relying on hua cheng
he's able to be 'selfish', and choose what he wants rather than what other people think is correct
he's free from the responsibility of being the most powerful martial god in heaven
he's getting thoroughly dicked down
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jacepi-time · 4 months
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Why is it always the shows that promote the value of friendship and healthy close bonds between friends and have barely any romance that are the ones that have the most vile shipping wars
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gianttol · 2 years
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oc idea where a sleepy girl is constantly pulling all nighters to get assignments done so when shes asleep shes out for the night. the borrower in the house gets too used to that fact and tries going for her coffee and sleepy girl wakes up
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moeblob · 6 months
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back
it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it
#slamming my face into a wall repeatedly#i cant leave it there to deal with after Sleep#bc my cats like to go onto the countertops when no one is looking#and i dont want either of them to get poisoned#but i cant rinse it into the sink with the faucet hose bc there's stuff in the sink#but idk if i can bring myself to do dishes with That next to me#and my fear of spiders is so intense that i Cannot get close enough to take care of it with a towel or somethin#im very good at fucking myself over in various ways!#if i had an appetite id lose it. permanently#what if! instead of dealing with it! i curl up in a corner and cry#except im not gonna do that ive filled my tears quota for the year & doing nothing wont help anything#sorry for venting again i just. ohhhhh this is horrible this is Terrible#if i still had my whacking stick id tape a big wad of paper towels to the end and clean the mess up that way#from a Distance!#absolutely unprompted#i wish i wasnt so terrified of spiders#they scare me So much....#the point of feeling physically ill! and like sobbing! or panicking! and this spider was Big!#i wish they'd stop coming into the house.... i hate killing them but i cant function knowing theyre there#but i can't force myself close enough to put them in a cup and bring them outside#so now i have THAT on my counter. disintegrated spider.#life is too fucking much lately... jesus.... i should really just bite the bullet and get this shit over with#no use waiting a month in perpetual terror unease and guilt. do it scared yk yk#im tired of my chest hurting and not being able to eat! i dont like it! i need change! terrifying horrible change!
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isa-ah · 5 days
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for people who have anxiety but live alone anyway: how do u deal with the panic? I live with 2 other people and still have bubble burst moments of random fear that only gets soothed by putting myself in someone else's eyeline. what do you do when the catastrophising starts???
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lord-squiggletits · 6 months
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Also I'm just gonna say that even if it were true that Rodimus was a """""true Prime"""" and Optimus wasn't, that isn't as much of an L for Optimus as people seemingly want it to be.
Like so you're telling me Optimus was never a chosen hero and the burden of the Matrix/leadership pained him morally, emotionally, and physically, yet he still survived 4 million years of war?
You're telling me he wasn't God's Designated Special Boy but he still tried his best to live up to that impossible ideal to the point of developing serious depression and suicidal ideation as a result of so much goddamn loneliness and self-doubt?
Optimus wasn't a "true Prime" and yet he still believed in ideals of reconciliation and ending the cycle of violence? He wasn't a true Prime but he still stayed on Cybertron trying to fix a broken, broken society while also trying to stop Earth from being invaded for a second time? He didn't even need to do that he could've just stayed in exile which he was originally supposed to do all along, and which he would've personally preferred?? You're telling me that Optimus wasn't Primus' Specialest Boy And Chosen Leader and yet he stepped into leadership anyways bc he perceived that there was injustice to be fixed??
Wow yeah I guess Optimus is just such an inferior leader, clearly his actual actions/moral character as person don't matter and his "worthiness" should be judged solely on whether the Magic Cybertronian 8 Ball liked him or not.
#squiggposting#idw op love#literally the more you deconstruct it the less sense it makes#ppl want rodimus to be Validated By Canon as being better than optimus soooo badly#i get it you cant like rodimus without shitting on optimus#however when you get canon wrong i can and will roast your theories#if optimus went thru everything he went thru but somehow still isnt worthy of the matrix#then what WOULD make him worthy??? like seriously#fighting to protect organic species from colonization didnt make him worthy?#trying to find diplomatic resolutions to a 4 mil year long blood feud isnt worthy enough?#doing all of this at the cost of great personal suffering to himself doesnt make him worthy??#being willing to fight and imprison his own autobots for trying to break the peace wasnt enough?#becoming villified by most of earth/cybertron by forcing them to cooperate wasnt enough???#optimus siding with the ultimate victim of cybertronian oppression and 'defeating him' by acknowledging his pain#isnt enough to make him worthy?? THEN WTF IS ENOUGH TO YOU PPL#nothing bc 'worthy of the matrix' is just code for 'validation of my fave'#and most of the ppl in this fandom dont even know OP did all of those things anywYs#also like MOST PEOPLE arent wielders of the matrix are they unworthy too???#WHAT DO YOU MEAN WORTHINESS?? WHAT ARE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS ALLEGED WORTHINESS#ON THE MORAL AND THEMATIC FABRIC OF THIS STORY????#literally idw optimus embodies the same values that rodimus does#it's all about love and forgiveness and building a better future and choosing kindness over violence#And if you dont get that optimus represents those just as much as rodimus did well#you prolly didnt read very closely lol
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milomaxxy · 2 months
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Unfortunately, I'm going to have to put this put there for basically the foreseeable future:
I don't have any money. Like, at all. It doesn't even matter that I just got money today, bc it's all already gone to the various necessities. What little bit of "extra" money I have goes to my toddler, bc I'm not depriving her of enjoying things when we can. I feel like it's not a sin for me to let my 4 year old spend $2 for the carousel or buy a little glow-in-the-dark dog, or get a treat once or twice a month, y'know?
With that being said, until my spouse and I are able to win the fight to prove to the SSA that we're both disabled, this is our permanent financial status. We barely scrape by month-to-month and some months we have to beg from friends or family for the last week. So we don't have spare funds, at all, and that means we're incapable of donating without putting our family at risk of not getting what we need. We need our medicine every month, or we get seriously sick (me especially, since I have long covid that agitated my already chronically ill ass). We need things like toilet paper, trash bags, toiletries, cleaning supplies, and the other necessities it takes to keep our home and ourselves clean and healthy. We very obviously need to cover our bills and rent, or we'd be on the streets (again, after JUST getting into our apartment at the end of October). Our cat obviously needs her food and litter every month, especially with her being an emotional support animal. As is we can't even afford to use the bus as often as we need, so we end up hurting ourselves walking further than we can to get groceries.
So, until we're able to win our disability benefits cases, we sadly are unable to help anyone else. We can't risk our toddler, or being homeless again. I'm sure I'll end up keeping updates about it, if only bc it's exciting to get anywhere with the SSA, but for now this is an official "I'm so broke we can't even really afford to eat in order to ensure our toddler gets to eat for the next few days until food stamps comes in; so please stop asking for money" post.
I'll still reblog donation links, mutual aid requests, and the like, but I can't handle the constant reminder that I have less than a dollar to last the rest of the month. I'm almost to the point of closing my ask box until my financial status changes, just bc my mental health has taken a considerably large dunk since getting bombarded with requests to donate even after stating I literally have nothing to donate. I have basically pennies to my name, to last 30 more days. But I'm gonna have to put my mental health on one of the burners, if only so I can still be active in my family, y'know?
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