#i jusy have so many emotions

[six-of-ravens]

this is cunty, but while this book has been a nice reminder of all the ways I strive to improve myself and my own life, it's also helped me realize why someone who's been pissing me off a lot lately is pissing me off.

[llumimoon]

cal has escaped containment

[j0rg33n]

"Badlands at night" [TF2 Sniper x GN! reader ]

Content warning: Angst/ Angst to fluff basically a oneshot where Sniper comforts you ( relationship can be read as platonic and romantic )

Word count: 921

+--------+---------+---------+--------+------

The clouds were carefully passing the stars on dark sky. It was peaceful night, not many unnessesry nosiess corrupting your ears most of it was just the rushing wind. Just a simple quiet night in the badlands. Except for your mind. The misery and incomprehensible of your feelings was taking up your entire mind. It was tiring to just think at this point, though there was no point in running away from it as it were so strong. I guess it's just one of those days - you thought to yourself.

As you kept tormenting yourself, you didn't notices steps coming from behind your back untill they were right next to you.

Raising your head, you saw a familiar face illuminated by the warm glow of a cigarette. It was Sniper of course, not many people roaming around here specially not at the night. You weren't sure what you should do neither had the strength to think about it, so you just nod giving him a delicate smile. He sat next to you looking at the dirt around your fingers probably from playing with the dry New Mexico's soil. 

"Pretty night hm?" He's hoarse voice broke the silence in which you surrounded yourself since few hours.

He was right, the night was alluring too bad you couldn't appreciate it completely

"very" you said letting out the air that had been gathering inside you for a long time. Mundy took a note of that. 

"at least we don't have light pollution here" you continued, slightly turning your head to him trying to sound cheerful

Taking one last drag on his cigarette he exhaled the smoke in the opposite direction them meeting your gaze again. 

"Something bothering you mate?" he said ignoring your last comment and giving you a uneasy to read fsce expression.

You can't say you didn't expect it, it was obvious that sooner or later he would bring up this topic, I guess you just didn't expect it now. 

You looked down putting a hand on your neck 

to increase the sense of comfort that you were definitely missing right now. It's never been easy for you to open up to someone. just naming and understanding what you felt was hard for you, so putting it into words was even more torturous. You kept looking down at the ground debating whenever you should keep it to yourself or maybe try to open up. Mick was a good person you didn't know him well but you could tell that just by looking at him. What if he's just asking out of pure pity though. You couldn't handle the fact that you could bother someone by venting to them, what if he's going through something he doesnt need you to crush him with your problems. 

Suddenly you felt warm touch on your shoulder, looking at him you saw marksman's uncertain eyes. He must sensed your internal fight with yourself.

"Cmon just let it out, I ain't gonna judge you"

He didn't need to say that you knew he wasn't like that. You looked at him trying to form right words. The worst part of your meltdown was that you didn't even know why you have it. Noting particularly bad happened in the last weeks so why you can't be happy.

"have.... have you ever felt bad because you feel good?.." he kept looking at you without saying anything so you panicked

"I know it may sound stupid it just that.. I was miserable for almost my whole life and since I'm working for mann.co my life had changed and I got better but I just keep going back to the past I guess the sadness is all I know and thought of pretending that all those years of miesry didn't happen and leave them just terrifies me you know? I mean so why were they for at all? I gained nothing from them, only wasted years I can't jusy forget about it" you bursed out with all your emotions and thoughts that were taking your day in attempt to explain it to him but imdiettlu regretted your words. The constant silence made you feel even more stripped form everything you wanted to burry yourself alive.

"no it's not" your overthinking was cut off by his stoic voice "Its not stupid I get what you mean.....you could say I feel like that sometimes.. sorry I needed time to process that" you felt relieved. 

"And dwelling on your past can take even more of your life.. Try focusing on the present moment and future possibilities mate" He stopped for a minute and continued " it's important to understand that the past doesn't define your entire existence, Life is always going to be a bitch you just have to accepted it" he pulled you close to him so that your bodies were touching and his warmth radiated towards you. You were kind of taken aback from his words 

"Thanks Mick that's.. actually a great advice" He Hid his face under a hat 

"don't mention it but also don't act all surprised cuz I might that that as an insult" he said we with a little chuckle.

"you know I didn't mean it that way" you gently leaned on his shoulder, snuggling into his scent- the smell of gun powder mixed with cologne and a bit of his sweat was weirdly comforting. You hoped you could stay like this forever but tonight you realize that everything passes and you have to move forward.

[owlf45]

hai idk if this is allowed but i read fourteen masks and i absolutely ADORE IT. its such a beautiful fic… you have to be one of my favorite authors ever cuz your writing style is just so beautiful and evokes sooo many emotions in me heart emoji.

you cab make me read fics for fandoms im not even in anymore cuz your characterization and the way you weite the worlds are jusy so fascinating i enjoy it even fi i dont like the source material. i love u and ur writing godbless <- not christian

Thank you so much 🥺🥺 Also haha, Fourteen Masks is a really good display of my work. I think it's one of my favorites. It really is a beautiful piece!

And thank you! I really strive to make fics that I enjoy even as I myself have become distant to the source material, so I'm glad it resonates with you and others. I am eating this comment right now because it makes me so happy.

[tisdae]

TAG GAME: EIGHT SHOWS TO GET TO KNOW ME

i was tagged by @burningblake thank u!!💕 this reminded me that i have so many shows i need to re-watch again asap <3 also eight shows aksjakdhsj my fave list is a bit longer but i got it narrowed down lol also so sorry this got lost in my drafts and I completely forgot about it until today askjfhsjhf

house of the dragon: my fave house from the asoiaf universe targaryen!!! im secretly hoping that they will rewrite dany’s ending when they are finished w telling ‘fire and blood’ akdhakdh

friends: one of my ultimate go-to favorite tv show, that i can watch over and over and never get sick of!!! i love it to death, and the friendship they have is goals🥹

9-1-1: this show is my heart; i cry, laugh, and jusy overall feel all the emotions while watching this. it’s so rare to like all of the main character’s but this show’s done it!! <3

the witcher: yennefer my beloved ❤️‍🔥 the main cast is amazing, so it was so sad to read that henry’s not going to continue :’( at least there’s the ladies and jaskier 💘

she-ra and the princesses of power: from start to finish it’s so beautifully done!! if there’s one animation i recommend it’s this! it has short episodes and totally re-watchable (any one on this list is tho!

unbreakable kimmy schmidt: one of my faves bcus they didn’t force the ending; there was no “then x married y and had 284728” kids, but a natural and most importantly open ending. it was such a breath of fresh air to just have it naturally conclude the way it did. and it’s like friends, you can just watch an episode and belong <3

arcane: i was so speechless after finishing the first season. it was so well made and the soundtrack was so on point with what was happening i got goosebumps!!! i fucking loved it, and can’t wait to watch season 2 whenever it comes out

heartstopper: the bi-representation we desperately needed!! i felt so seen watching nick finding out he was bi and his journey was so refreshing, i love it <3

i tag: @memoir-of-stars @my-wonderneverland @almondmilknosugar @taylorswiftaylor @joffreydahmer @yenneferdivengerberg @spidermanns @nikolatexla @dontneedmyheart @rareandsweetas @justapayneaway @im-a-saint-fight-me @nauticalfools @captivekinqs @swifttosaturn 💕

[tropicalscream]

on the one hand

it kinda fuckin sucks im so, idk the word fucked up i guess, by people insulting me+ disrespecting my boundaries+ making me feel like a piece of meat/hole+purposefully triggering me+ and being cruel about my weight and body

that its very hard for me to be able to do sexual stuff sober (exceptions being if we're close and there's a level of trust and caring established)

on the other hand

its kinda nice that 10mg gets me relaxed & 20mg enough to actually get to like be more willing to do kink stuff/insertion. that magic gay little gummt lets me temporarily ignore ny trauma and get to experience physical+emotional intimacy

granted im at the point in life that idk if i can really do anonymous hookups much anymore. Id much rather have a FWBs where i can like blather on about my fav Kung Fu.movie and not treated like im a moron

idk it jusy sucks that the horrible treatment by other ppl, who've long forgotten about me, during moments of vulnerability have left me fucked up enough that any chance of a romantic or sexual situation/time with a person has to break like 6 walls of trauma

and many many ppl don't wanna deal with that at all so im just kinda thrown away the sec they get off first

which just adds to the pile

[watery-melon-baller]

:3

Hunter?

ive gotten TWO (and a half) asks can you tell. i have a favorite

What I like about them

hes such a bitch (affectionate) and also a NERD hes sweet and likes to learn and is just a little awkward hes trying his best.

What I dislike about them

he needs to stop running off into the wood whenever he is having a panick attack and start relying on others. get better coping machinaisms

Favourite moment

oughh hm. love like every flapjack and hunter moment (rip)

Least favourite moment

any sport in a storm had a few minutes where the second hand embarassment was so bad i could not handle it. im like stupid sensitive to that kind of stuff and sometimes i have to leave a room when its TOO much. my guy please. i do like the episode i dont hate it at all i just was like. incapable of watching it lmao

A situation with this character that I want to see explored more

augh like. everyday coven life stuff (this also goes for lilith too). id love to see like a day in the life kind of thing espeically like before lilith left the coven. what chaos goes on in the castle,,,

An interesting AU for this character

I HAVE LIKE A BILLION AUS FOR HUNTER. uh. i have my reverse au. i have the 55k fic i wrote where he accidentally kills belos and has to secretly run the goverbment (go read weekend at belos's its funny i promise). i hae an antimatic im working about him. i also had one for a while where pre-canon he ran away from belos and fled to the human realm and just. worked at the 7/11 down the street while living in the portal shack and luz befriended him. i wrote a few ficlets for it but never posted anything but its a fun au i had. it was Luz getting her first friend + hunter realizing that belos kind of sucked actually and camila trying to adopt this rabdom teenager her daughter found (she genuinly thinks luz is lying about him or is talking about one of her book characters and then after she meets hunter shes like oh ok. adoption) its fun

A crossover

i dont really have any crossovers hmmm,,,

OTP (or OT3+ etc…. just… favourite ship)

augh im like. all my favs i hit with an aroace beam so. not really lol

Other ships?

i kind of bounce bwteen bi hunter and aroace hunter but like. he should go through the struggle of "damn they're pretty" and also appprecuating your frieends beauty.

BROTP

him and luz!! again. worte an entire fic of their shenaningans. they are obnoxious and love each other. i also think something with hunter and the collector would be interesting but i dont know if they would like. get along and be best buds or anything. also him and gus!! adultified buddies but like. they're adultified in oppostite ways so they can combine to be One Whole Guy. thats how hunter and luz work btw but with being neurodivergent

NOTP

againt jusy like. no weird age gaps and incest yada yada.

An assortment of headcanons! 

OKAY

have the headcanon that belos like. shoved him into a caretaker role (which we see a Bit of in canon but i take it to an extreme). loves to play it up as "sick weak frail old man who needs his nephews help" so parentification yay. hes good at like cooking and cleaning and knows how to make a bunch of BI ersion of 16th century dishes. if something happens thenhunter feels guilty because its His respoinisbibly to take care of belos beacuse belos doesnt have anyone else!!! (false belos is juts a needuy bastard who wants to be taken sre of by his older brother and likes to play house wiht his grimwalkers. i have so many feelings about that btw)

he is just. such an isolated kid. no one noticed/cared what was going on and i get a little infuriated every time i think about it. i have so many emotions about his little sprig plushie and whenever he has to leave it behind in a fic i get emotional. he goes back to the wreckage of the castle post canon and finds his room in the rubble and sure some things are destrpyed but a few books and knickkacks are salvegable. he finds sprig a little torn up but sews him up and its ok.

he likes learning about Everything. like theres so many intersting things all the time he wants to read!! in the human realm he just devours books about everything. wikipedia rabbit hole. kinda guy who knows a random fact for almost any occasion. multitracker hunter but tbh he wouldnt really do much at hexside besides like. hes doing it for his friends. i think he would help dell out with the palistrom trees and also specialize in potions (since you dont need magic for that). he has private tutors in the coven im sure so hes probably educated very well.

hes got all kinds of fun grimwalker traits. hes mostly immune to boiling water. his eyes glow in the dark. sometimes when willow is using plant magic he can feel it under his fingnails and his hair. his hands have weird scarring and peeling and listen. listen. evryone was so dissapoited that hunter didnt have scars under his gloves but i was on the hype train for day One since HUnting Palismen bitch. i give him gloves all the time bc sensory issues + hide fucked up hands + mepahor for hiding yourself.

also is neurodivergent and trans. personanly perfer ftm but every variation is good. mtf hunter would be named bailey. his medications are like. wird mix of plant and witch medicine because grimwalker. has a terrible time in the human realm bc hes super unmedicated for a while but they find a human equivalent and hes fine now. kind of.

ok thats enough of that

[hdmiports]

i need to ramble for a second, do not hit read more if you don’t wanna read me talk about death lol

this is so random bug i’m listening to a podcast rn (apwstr my beloveds) & they’re talking about how their parents have this obsession with talking about death all the time and like, same. i really do think that we should be able to just have conversations about death, like i’m very death positive for myself. i want to talk about how i want a natural burial if it’s available when i die, i want to talk about the problems in the american funeral industry and how it’s just a money grabbing scheme and so incredibly racist and transphobic and blah blah blah but that’s a me thing. like i’m insane i think about this shit all the fucking time normal people don’t (but you should think about your death plans and know who you want to be in charge of your funeral, especially as a queer person. watch this video for a better thought out version of what i’m trying to say lol). i don’t know if it’s because literally my entire life has been shrouded by death or bc i’m literally jusy in need of a higher prescription dosage but like. yeah.

when i was born my great-grandpa on my moms side was in the same hospital. the day after i was born they took me to see him and then he died three days later and my whole life my mom and nana have always been like “he just needed to meet you” like yes that’s a perfectly normal thing to say to a 6 year old brandi WHAT ?? but idk it seems like every major event in my life someone in my family dies and i hate it. and it’s funny bc as death positive as i am i absolutely despise funerals and hospitals, i just can’t do it. too many people expecting me to be able to understand their emotions when i don’t even know if i’m actually sad or if i’m just crying bc everyone else is

idk i have a Lot of thoughts about death, most of them i don’t know how to articulate so jusy do what i did and watch every ask a mortician video

[asoulofatlantis]

I never had that conversation before - one reason to replay this game over and over again is to get your hands on conversations you missed before, really - but I found it extremely amusing that his wish did come true in the end XD She was making her debut on a Royal ball alongside the princess, having her first dance with her scary brother the Ashen Chevalier, what could scare off and sleazy guys better then that? XD

This reminder, that if you really started with Trails in the Sky, your first impression on Olivert certainly was that he was an idiot XD

Those scenes are just always worth it XD (Especially in situations like that, were you should not enjoy this moment so much ^^’)

The fact that, when things get serious, we have immensely strong people on hour side and the amount of people that support us, are what feels like half an army.

(Grrrrrr.... I get that he redeems himself quite nicely in Hajimari but I still wish we could have... URG!) Knowing in this very moment, that Rufus will get punched in the face by Jusis in CS4 is also worth playing this game again and looking forward to replaying the next one as well.

This moment. 

(The chapter in itself, as much as I love it, is a pure rollercoaster of emotions tho. You’ll go from absolutely happy about the reunion with some of your most beloved characters down to pure, utter anger at certain characters, even ones like Lechter, that I do per se like. Seriously. I wish I could punch HIM in the facte right now XD BUT this rollercoaster of emotions too, is one of the many reasons to replay this game.)

The Trademark glare is also quite worth replaying this game, I tell you XD

Time for a small break, next will be Dragon Quest Builders 2.

[ghostofnibelheim]

oflockharted​:

Tifa gently rocked from side-to-side, gently tapping Jusis from underneath. Sephiroth’s tone referring to Rufus did not go unnoticed, however. She could not even fathom what kind of emotions ran through him at this particular moment - certainly when it came to the president.

The brunette smiles. She was probably the safest she’d ever be. Two turks assigned to her had personally escorted her to the church then split off in several directions to clear the monster infestation - until Tifa was done paying her respects to her beloved friend. Though the pink clad woman may not be there in the physical form Tifa just knew she was there in essence boasting about Jusis and how  identical he looked to Rufus. That was the type of feeling Tifa wanted her child to experience all around him. Especially if he ever felt lonely or afraid.

Truthfully, Jusis seemed a lot more interested with the silver haired male than anything the church had to offer. His stare, a silent protest to be held by him proved as much.

Finally Tifa replies, “He’s in his office dealing with paperwork, I’m afraid. I had to get out of there before he wasted the day talking to his son like they were business partners.”

Which honestly was a sight to see. The seriousness in Rufus’ tone when he referred to his work and offered Jusis ‘insight’ on the situation at hand was a whole different side of Rufus Tifa did not expect see. Papers were scattered about and displayed in front of his son while the president assessed them, only to have Jusis spit up on a few complaint documents, in which Rufus did not even hesitate an “I agree.”

“What about you, though? Cloud’s been gone for awhile now. Does he usually keep you waiting like this?” Not that she blamed him or anything. He was a busy man with people wanting his attention left and right. She just didn’t want Sephiroth to stay here by his lonesome if she was summoned back home.

The man scoffed. He couldn’t imagine Rufus ShinRa being anything close to a fatherly role… or anyone, for that matter. The concept being as alien as his limited knowledge would allow, having seen only glimpses here and there of family life amongst the many villagers he’d travelled to and from during these past years of solitude and self-discovery.

But Tifa sounded satisfied with him, and so he wouldn’t question it further. Who was he at this point to put his nose into other people’s family affairs?

Her question had a delayed reaction, his head turning only to a minimum for slit pupils to meet her red orbs, his expression calm but otherwise undisturbed of emotion.

“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but he and I do not see each other that often. If I need to see him, I will find him. No such thing as ‘waiting’.”

His gaze remained onto hers in silent question, wondering if Tifa would get to whatever point she meant to raise with those words. Just what did she expect him and Cloud to be, now, after everything? Friends? After a small silence, he felt the urge to add:

“… Though Cloud may be sharing some cells with me now, that does not make us kin. We do not have the same obligations to one another as you and your husband do.”

… That was a very odd thing to state, comparing his tie to the mercenary to Tifa’s marriage. And his stomach twisted a little upon realizing that. Displeased, lips zipped into a thin line, and the silver-haired one shifted his posture on the bench, crossing his arms over his chest even more if possible.

[x-1997]

October 24th 12:22 am

I put myself down so much comparing myself to others, I don’t have anything to offer and maybe that’s why I feel like I’m meant to be alone. There’s many things in life I wish I could’ve done differently, and I lose motivation trying to fix this life of mine. I don’t deserve anything or anyone, I’m a lost cause and a deadbeat person. It brings a lot of tears to my eyes when I think of myself, I start comparing myself and wishing I had more to give. I don’t feel like I deserve anything and I don’t know how to stop feeling like this. I just hope everyone in my life is okay without me, because I’m starting to feel like giving up is my only option in life. I can’t explain this feeling to anyone, because no one has ever understood me and how I feel. I feel so worthless in this life, and I wish I could stop crying over feeling like I have nothing but I can’t help my intensified feelings and emotions. Please please stop crying and get some rest.. why is this life so hard to me? Why can’t I have it together, why can’t I have more to offer people I love? I’m so deadbeat when I think of it. Although I try it won’t ever compare to what others can offer and it’s just so heartbreaking to me how I feel and view myself when all I ever did was try to keep a good heart but a good heart doesn’t get me anywhere. I’m crying so fucking hard it’s hard to breath like please stop already, this life was never easy for me in any ways. I jusy I jusy want my dad. I don’t have any guidance in my life and look where I ended up, with nothing at all at this grown age. It’ll ne easier if I left the world overall. I have nothing to give …

[hisshellhead]

Tony Stark is an incredibly important person to me. He is the man who I have loved and supported for years and who has made MCU a journey of laughter and tears of joy and heartbreaks.

Endgame gave us so many beautiful Tony moments so I'm just gonna list down my thoughts on the scenes I can remember and that really struck with me.

OKAY. So. It was only the first few minutes and Tony Stark already made me cry. I knew he was gonna survive but I actually really teared up when he left that message and Nebula was there, being so gentle with him. I was heartbroken and also in love with this friendship. Tony and Nebula had one of the most amazing relationships that really bloomed in Endgame. Tony was so soft with her and he even offered her food even when he needed it more. He was completely willing to sacrifice himself for someone does not know much about. Even with that little scene, you can clearly tell he's a hero who would do anything for others. Comics Steve couldn't have said it better. It's the kind of thing that used to blow me away. Billionaire sweating the small stuff. The important things.

(Also, I gasped so hard when we saw Carol for the first time. I was really really wishing for a CarolTony friendship and Marvel let me down once again.)

Next. I cannot NOT include the scene when he arrived at the compound. Steve rushed to his side! He was the first to hold and support him! And then when Tony said I lost the kid, my eyes were just burning with tears. Losing Peter clearly broke something in him and I loved the reminder that to him, Peter was more than just a superhero side project. He might as well have been his son. And we can clearly see that by how Tony looks so lost and despairing.

Then, the vindication scene aka TONY TOLD YOU SO. First, seeing Tony in that condition broke my heart. Again. He was so thin and fragile and looked like he'd break so easily. BUT THEN. When he said I needed you. PAST TENSE. I actually felt that. Because it was true. For years he had warned them and they all took him for a fool. But not anymore. The cost was too high but at least they finally know that Tony only had their best interests at heart. That he has always been the one to put his faith in the Avengers, always tried to keep them close. And GOD he deserved this moment. And when he took off what is practically a metaphor for his heart and slapped it to Steve's hand with pain and anger in his voice, I really really loved that. I actually had goosebumps during that scene and when he pushed everyone away only to collapse after. It just shows how Tony is the most human out of all of them.

Oh and I'm saying this now. I fucking hate how Marvel just completely ignored Tony and Rhodey's friendship. You mean to tell me Rhodey would not rush in to hug Tony after seeing his best friend who he thought was dead, thin and breakable but alive? That he wouldn't stay by Tony's bedside and hold his hand and squeeze it because he understands that Tony only wanted what was best for them and that Rhodey is willing to fight the world for him?  Ugh I hated the lack of scenes so much.

Anyway, we now go to the time skip and I wasn't at all prepared to see how incredibly soft Tony is with Morgan. Yes, we got a glimpse of it by how he treated Nebula, Peter, and Harley (My boy! Another fucking injustice) but it was still pleasantly surprising to see him being so domestic and so caring. I love you 3000 (absolute tears). And it's interesting to see his transition from warm and happy to cold when the Avengers came. You can see how much he loves his life now and he knew the others here only means more danger and risks but now he has a family.

We see him turning them away but still trying to see if it's possible. AND I STAN AN ABSOLUTE GENIUS. Can't believe he did that in only an hour? A few minutes or hours? Anyway, he is amazing and I love him.

Then that conversation with Pepper just broke me again. How though they weren't actually saying the things they needed to say directly, they still understood each other. Also, can I just say how much I loved Pepperony in Endgame? It's one of the few relationships Endgame did not fuck up and probably one of the two MCU films (Iron Man 1 being the other) where I only feel pleasant thoughts about this ship.

Tony was his usual adorable self while they where planning how to do the whole time travel. (I'm so upset that I'll never see him this happy again. I'm actually literally crying. Fuck you Marvel)

His whole banter with the team was hilarious and I especially loved Team New York (his conversations with Scott is so cute... I wish they could have had more time together as friends.)

Probably the one thing I'm most pissed about during the whole time travel trip (aside from Thanos conpletely screwing Nebula over again) is the Tony and H*ward scenes.

I'm sorry but I will never like him. Ever. He is a father who doesn't deserve to be called that title. He cared more for a frozen capsicle than caring for his own son and I can't fucking accept that. Tony grew up, believing his father hated him. Tony said it himself. He was cold. He was calculating. He never told me he loved me, he never told me he liked me. And we're supposed to suddenly forgive him just because of those scenes? Tony should have punched him. That's what he deserved. He doesn't get to be redeemed just because of some shit he said to a random guy (at least to Howard) when for years, we all know that he'd practically abandoned his child.

Ugh, H*ward makes me so mad.

Moving on. The battle. I was so anxious to see Tony the whole time because it felt like I was only seeing Steve but at the same time, I was so afraid of what would happen when we do see him. I was literally on the edge of my seat, praying for Tony, needing him to live.

Then the others arrived and it was a really surreal moment. Tony hugging Peter was one of the most beautiful moments I have ever seen. I could feel the love and care they have for each other. And it was the middle of the fight and I should be concerned but at that moment, I was just really happy to see them together... Then we also saw Rescue. Tony fighting with her back to back is a scene I probably won't forget. I loved it so so much.

But then Thanos gets the gauntlet and I was just really scared. I can see Tony there and I know he'll fight. He'll do everything, sacrifice himself, not just because he's a hero but because he has always been someone who cares, who gives too much even when the world doesn't thank him enough.

Then Strange looks at him and gestures 1. And I just. Fucking. Knew. I WAS CRYING AT THE SADDEST AND NOBLEST THING THIS IDIOT DID. HE JUST RUSHED, NOT HESITATING BECAUSE HE KNEW. HE KNEW IT WAS HIM. IT HAD TO BE HIM. And my heart just gets stomped into tiny little pieces because outside of that fight, of that sense of duty and responsibility, Tony has a family. He has a cute kid he needs to go back home to. He has wife who he loves since maybe even before 2008. But at that moment, he didn't hesitate. He was a hero through and through.

"I am... Iron Man." This scene. Just. How absolutely awful it is to be brought back to IM 1 where the only thing had to worry about was his heart broken by a person he trusted? And at the same time, how beautiful it is to show that despite their similarities, their desire to save the world and hope for the future, Tony and Thanos had never been the same? It was something that just gripped my heart and I thought. Oh. This is that moment. That moment where he was the most hero he could ever be, if that makes sense.

And then it was exhilarating as we watch Thanos and his forces die but then we see Tony. (I can't even type this without crying) And he looks so drained and tired but still satisfied because they won. And Rhodey was the first one to see him (That was a punch to the heart). Then Peter was there, crying for his hero, the man he respected and who he always aspired to be. And Tony can't even fucking reply. His entire being is burning. He's suffering. HE CAN'T TALK MUCH. HE CAN'T SAY SORRY TO RHODEY FOR ALL THE GRIEF HE HAD PUT HIM THROUGH, FOR BEING HIS ROCK, HIS FOUNDATION WHEN EVERYTHING FELL APART. HE CAN'T THANK PETER FOR SHOWING HIM ANOTHER TYPE OF LOVE HE NEVER THOUGHT HE COULD EVER WANT AND HAVE. HE CAN'T SAY I LOVE YOU TO PEPPER, TO THE ONE WHO HE LOVES. WITH HIS WHOLE HEART. WHO GAVE HIM A FAMILY. WHO, AGAINST ALL ODDS, ACCEPTED HIM AND GAVE HIM A HOME. MOST HEARTBREAKING? HE COULDN'T EVEN FUCKING SAY GOODBYE TO HIS OWN DAUGHTER. THE PERSON HE LOVES 3000. HIS LIGHT AND EVERYTHING HE HAD EVER HOPED FOR.

I'M SORRY BUT IT WAS AWFUL. IT WAS SO AWFUL AND I HATED IT.

And Pepper's line.

"It's okay. We'll be okay. You can rest now."

Guess what? IT DESTROYED ME. I HAVE SEEN THIS MAN SUFFER WAY BEFORE IM1. He grew up with a neglectful father and then could never truly process the grief of his parents' deaths. He was betrayed by a person he believed could never do that to him. He could have easily gave up but he didn't. HE FOUGHT AND HE FOUGHT AND HE FOUGHT. Even when his hands are shaking, even when they're numb. Even when the whole world hates him and they say he's a mass murderer, the merchant of death, he still pushes forward. He has sins he believes he should atone for and he goes above and beyond to fix them. Time and time again, he is ready to sacrifice himself. New York. Sokovia. Titan. Where does it end? Apparently, until he's dead.

And this lines makes me so conflicted. He has already given too much. Doesn't he deserve a happy ending? Or is giving himself to the world always been his destiny? Who the fuck gets to decide that. He wanted that life. With that family. And it just gets taken away from him. Just like that.

But even after all these, I'm somehow still not consumed by complete rage at what they did to him. Because now, people can see what they should have seen a long time ago: a hero. They get to look at that scene and remember a man who sacrificed himself for the world.

Do I believe that it justifies the end he got? No. Because they didn't need his death to fucking validate something that they should have known way before but didn't because they were too blind and stubborn to look for it. But was it necessary? Still no. But I have always wanted them to acknowledge him with respect and it seems that is only attainable through his death.

Tony's message to the others was a slap to the face too. Knowing that he knew full well he might not survive but still doing the right thing just gets to me. And Tony saying I love you 3000... God. Morgan didn't deserve to lose a father. She's too young and the time Tony spent with her is not nearly enough. Tony should have been there for her. HE DESERVED THAT SPOT WITH HIS DAUGHTER. HE DESERVED THAT HAPPINESS AND TO HAVE HIS PAYMENT FOR HIS SACRIFICES BE JUST 5 YEARS WITH HIS FAMILY? BULL FUCKING SHIT.

I KNOW I HAD LOTS OF EMOTIONS AND THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE (I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT FOR JUST ONE SECOND, SEEING TONY'S HOLOGRAM, I WAS HOPING, VERY MUCH HOPING FOR AI TONY. But is that a gift or a punishment, I wonder). BUT WHAT I WANT TO COME BACK TO IS THIS: THEY ROBBED TONY OF HIS FUTURE AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT SOLIDIFIED HIS SELFLESSNESS, IT COST TOO MUCH.

[chisatowo]

Thinking about Hajime and Artist in the last chapter...... They spend nearly the whole game butting heads, but then here we get to see all the aggression melt away as Artist just... comforts him. Everything sucks, and things are definitely going to get worse before they can maybe get better, and they know that just saying that things are going to get better doesn't really actually help fix anything. So they make it clear that theyre there for him, and that everyone else is too. Things are going to be hard, but at least they won't be doing it alone.

[cherrysnax]

my girlfriends arms are wrapped around me as he sleeps. everytime he pulls me closer, i feel a little bit more okay. things will never be perfect, but I’m in his arms and i can hear him breathe. things are a little bit more okay

[queerancerack]

I'm kind of obsessed with the idea that domestic animals are evolving much in the same way that children are

[redrreign]

i must be so frustrating to therapize bc i literally dont remember anything and i dont know shit about my own existence. "what happened then?" "how do you feel abt that?" bitch i dont know!!!