#i keep having to fight tooth and nail just to get basic care and shit and im. so. tired.

[splashofbi]

Me every day this year so far

[rodolfoparras]

holy shit yes please okay hold on word vomit brace yourself

it's two am i apologise for incoherence

imagine you're new to 141, but you've been in the military for ages, long enough that you're known as this merciless killer, an omen of death. 141 is basically where they fling you because nobody knows where to put you (price taking in strays rhehrhehr gnawing on it) and you meet price and you're instantly smitten but obviously you can't do anything about it because he's your superior and you're like, kind of terrifying so you don't think he'll want anything to do with you but you still r basically guard dog-ing him, being super protective (of the whole 141 because they're price's n you know he wants them safe too?) and he notices, obviously, because you're not very good at being subtle (don't do this often enough for that) and one day he calls you into his office and he's like hey what's up with that and you're like sweating bullets bcuz oh fuck vulnerability

and then you blurt it out because you can *not*, when he's looking at you like that with those stern eyes and his lips twisted into a frown and you admit you just want to be scary for someone :( take care of them :( and it's him, for some reason, even tho he's a very competent man, and he's like awh baby and bam

your desire to take care extends past protection he leans when one day you overhear him complaining to someone (Gaz?? Nik over the phone?) about being stressed and not having time to get laid and then a few days later you're both alone in the common room, he's doing paperwork at the table n ur like. sitting on the armchair reading or smth idfk and he groans n shoves the paper away and ur like can i help, ur so stressed? but it's like a little flirty and he's lookin at you wide eyes a little confused, and then he's like absolutely

and tada you're sitting in that armchair, hands right on the armrests [he said no touching :<] n he's riding you looks so pretty n he's biting down on your shoulder to keep quiet and you're digging your teeth into your bottom lip because it's late at night but just in case someone hears it's the common area and from then on it's just a normal thing really for him to drag you off to his office when he needs stress relief n it always ends with him riding you or you kneeling between his legs while he's in his desk chair and sucking him off until he's nice n relaxed :(

n you're still scary n horrifying to other people but to 141 ur price's boy and price knows you're not so bad because how could a merciless machine be so good to him :(

oh shit sorry got really into it here's a goddamned essay i guess

- 🪔

Sugar I fakwing love this so much bc listen 🧎🏻‍♂️

You feeling absolutely purposeless when you join 141, because being a death machine means you have a purpose while your target is alive and when they’re gone so is your purpose and you’re just a soulless creature but price fights tooth and nail to give you a purpose even when you fight against it

When you first joined 141 you’d been very reluctant to have a squad you were used to working on missions alone and now you had 4 other people tagging along

The first mission you had attempted to do on your own and had almost lost your life because you had miscalculated a step in your plan

141 although not happy with your actions were glad you were alive price had scolded you even threatened to kick you out but when you hear those words you freeze up bc in the short time you’ve been with 141 theyve Been nothing but welcoming to you and you rather not loose a team like that

after that scolding you start to see how much price goes out his way to make you feel like part of the team, and slowly but surely you start developing feelings for him price doesn’t even notice it at first until one day he gets hurt and you start acting out of your mind barking and biting at anyone trying to approach the man barley even letting medevac come close and even guarding him through the whole time his injuries heal

And one day someone makes a comment like are you his guard dog or something and you can’t really forget about that comment until price confronts you about it and he’s like don’t listen to them you’re not a dog and you fumble around in an attempt to explain that you want to be his guard dog you want to protect him and care for him and he’s like oh? Before he smiles warmly at you and caresses your cheek “alright then”

What you didn’t expect was how much the words good boy would turn you on but price notices, purposely drops the word until you Squirm in place, while desperately trying to hide your boner doenst take much before you’re pushed up against his office desk, with one of his legs steady on the floor while the other is on the table while working himself up and down your cock, hearing the obscene squelching sound coming from his cunt🧎🏻‍♂️

[frostyreturns]

Nobody needs help commiting suicide. That’s a complete fantasy made up by the state to manipulate your emotions so you’ll grant them unilateral rights to kill basically whoever they want. It’s very easy to kill yourself if you really want to do it, the problem is most people don’t actually want to do it, we all kind of have this self preservation instinct that we have to fight with tooth and nail in order to do it. This is farming out that instinct to someone who doesn’t have it and doesn’t care about you...meaning people who would not have otherwise killed themselves will soon be dead because at their lowest and most vulnerable point they will be convinced to put that life and death decision in the hands of someone who not only doesn’t have that self preservation instinct on your behald but is being actively told that it’s merciful to end you. Fucking evil. It’s not hard to pick up a gun and the oldest and feeblest most disease ridden patient in the world can swallow a pill on their own. Which is where the fucking hypocrisy never ends, we’ll not let suffering patients take whatever pain killing drugs they want because it’s dangerous and they might get addicted but we will just kill them so they don’t feel pain that’s fine. How about we just let people take what drugs they fucking want, maybe fewer will want to die because they’ll have some fucking pain relief, and if they decide to take enough to kill them then that’s their business. Nobody needs a fucking dr death.

 It’s already tremendously difficult to route out murderers in the medical profession this would make it impossible. Some of history most prolific and heinous serial killers were doctors or nurses because it’s so hard to prove certain things are murder in a place where it’s normal for people to die all day every day. So they want to add to this system a defense where all they have to say is that the person requested it, and then its their word against a dead persons. How many fucking people are going to be murdered because loved ones are not allowed in hospitals to advocate for people because of the coof. Nobody there to say no what the fuck are you doing they don’t want to be fucking killed you pyschopaths.

A system with numerous incentives to want to murder you even if you take out the top down depopulation ideology they look at you as a collection of organs that could keep several other people alive. Why keep this one single person alive that nobody seems to give a shit about when I have 3 important people waiting for a liver a kidney and a heart transplant...really if I kill this guy and harvest his organs I’m a hero, that’s democracy right, 3 against 1? Needs of the many vs the needs of the few so fuck em. Or how about just the healthcare costs of keeping you alive? The strain and stress of patient load and overworked health workers. This is who you want to have that kind of life and death power, someone who benefits in every concievable way if you die? 

Increase palliative care and admit terminal patients sooner, deregulate painkilling drugs and increase patient access to painkillers. These are the first steps if what you actually want is to decrease suffering but it’s not so they skipped all of these steps and went straight to just let me fucking kill them. It’s not about death with dignity, it’s not about poor suffering grandmas who are going to die anyway. It’s about wanting the power to murder more easily and to encourage more people to kill themselves. 

I mean look at the people in Canada being recommended suicide by their fucking doctors these are not sick cancer patients in too much pain to pick up a gun to blow their heads off, these are depressed 18 year olds being pumped full of drugs that do nothing for them and then when that doesn’t work are told hey just kill yourself. Thanks doc you first.

[druidgroves]

georgiamac brainrot under the cut. y'all know how it is.

1. this gun for hire

ohhh maccready. you're much more than that and you've got a big storm coming.

2. just here for the paycheck

which is what he tries to tell himself in the beginning. he does think georgia's dedication to the minutemen is a bit silly, a lot more morally righteous and "do no harm" than he's used to (little does he know that georgia is a "do no harm but take no shit" kind of person), but she pays well, she's consistent, and keeps it fair.

3. calling someone by their last name is the best way to flirt, actually

georgia almost exclusively refers to him by his last name, so this comes into play a little more once she allows herself to be a little flirty.

4. a ship dynamic that's less of an "italicized 'oh' moment" and more of an "italicized 'ah fuck' moment"

this is pretty much mac's reaction once he realizes he's got it bad for georgia. it snuck up on him and when it's finally staring him in the face he is very distressed by it for multiple reasons. he worries if it'll change things between them, feels a little guilty upon realizing he's slowly moving on after lucy, and fears that georgia won't return the feelings...

5. yes yes i do like you. i am afraid to write the stronger word.

...so he represses them. his "oh i never thought about that" line in his romance in this instance basically means "i wouldn't let myself think about that." on georgia's end, she's got all sorts of mixed up feelings thanks to how her relationship with nate went. is she allowed to move on? should she even be worrying about this when she's trying to find her son? she can't keep her emotions hidden for very long, but she'll allude to them in this case.

6. when i'm with you the line between 'friends' and 'lovers' blurs and i don't care which side i end up on as long as you'll have me

their whole relationship can be squarely defined as friend to lovers. potential spoilers for BLP, but i don't have them planning to outright tell each other their feelings until right before georgia goes to the institute for the first time (subject to change, but probably not). so they have a looooot of time in that will-they-won't-they area, both afraid to make the first move, but knowing that whichever way it goes, they still want to be at each other's sides.

7. i don't know. i mean, we're two sides of the same coin, right?

there it is ! one of my favorite lines in his romance. both are widowed parents trying to do right by their kids while also trying to survive by themselves at the same time. even before they get to know each other, without even knowing, they already understand what the other is going through.

8. please never leave / where would i go without you?

mac basically says it out right, we know he hates being alone, so once he and georgia get close and develop feelings, he really doesn't like being away from her if he can help it. really, he's worried something bad will happen to the one person in the commonwealth that took a chance on him who he's already invested so many feelings into. for georgia, she already decided long ago that mac was her partner (in the platonic sense of the word, to start) and she doesn't see herself going anywhere without him. she wouldn't want anyone else by her side.

9. i am better than i was; i will be better than i am

i am firmly of the opinion that despite him being a little shit mac wants to be a better person (he contains multitudes). it's why he lied to lucy about being a soldier, why he left the gunners, and why he's trying so hard for duncan. why would he lie if he didn't want lucy to think better of him? why would he leave the gunners if what they do wasn't "catching up" to him? why would he fight tooth and nail to save every cap he could for his son? why do all that if you didn't want to be, or at the very least be perceived as, a better person? working with georgia and the minutemen (as well as the railroad later on) kinda give him that push he needs to really decide what kind of person he wants to be.

10. there's good in this world, and i found a little bit of it in you

after first leaving vault 111, georgia was convinced the world was past saving and that she was never going to find shaun. she thought the world was cruel and without mercy. but then she found so many people, mac included, who proved her wrong. for mac specifically, she caught on that he wanted to do better and in doing so, she found another spark of good in the world.

[sunlightandsuffering]

Enemies to lovers au with Bully Eren! Do we already have a Bully Eren au? God, he is such an asshole. Skips school, smokes, fights, walks with the wrong crowd. He terrorizes the school, beats up Armin every other day, then beats up Connie and Jean when they try to defend him. The only one who can challenge his power is Mikasa, and he hates her for it. And she hates how much of an arrogant brute he is.

They fight constantly, can’t stand each other for anything in the world. But he IS HOT, and fucks like a god too. His reputation precedes him. They end up fucking and they both regret it after, then a week later do it again. And again. Eren tells her he’s going to tell the whole school, but a single look is enough to silence him. And Eren isn’t one to kiss and tell. They fight in public, fuck in private.

Eren grunts her name in her ear as he cums, and she locks her heels at the small of his back to keep him from pulling out. He gets cocky because they fucked three times in a row and he made a mess out of her, but she’s even more smug because she made him admit she’s the only girl who can make him hard nowadays. He calls her his bitch, but his back gets scratched from her nails until it bleeds. They engage in a degradation game one-upping each other almost every day.

Armin still gets bullied, Eren still gets called out by a mere girl in front of his tough friends, and they always regret it after they have sex… for a while. Did someone catch him smelling her hair the other day? Their enemies to lovers is also Eren’s own redemption arc

I actually don't think we do! I think the closest would be corruption Eren but he's more of a social justice asshole I'd say, a black sheep, overdramatic vigilante, you know the deal. but actual honest to god bully Eren I don't think we've done. This dynamic works though lol, like Mikasa fighting tooth and nail for Armin, they're always arguing and threatening to beat each other up and if Mikasa wasn't a girl they'd have kicked the shit out of each other already, hell Mikasa has thrown a few punches before!

He's mean bc he's got hella damage, daddy issues, brother issues, the works. He fucks Mikasa bc he thinks it'll break her that she'll be so horrified she fucked the school bully and break down into tears, but no! Mikasa is just mildly disgusted but then it happens again... and again... and again.

I think Eren's reform is probably super slow, and more like him softening, He doesn't have the energy to bully Armin all the time or the time bc he's fucking Mikasa on lunch break in the girls locker room, and she sneaks into his bedroom at night demanding a quickie before falling asleep in his bed so he gets no sleep and is super tired! He just genuinely doesn't have the energy lol!

Until one day he finds them basically dating and he's absolutey horrified but it's too late to do anything about it, he cares??? Somehow?!?!? Keeps catching himself thinking of her as 'his girl' is proud when she beats up other bullies, thinks its sexy how she leaves scratches down his back and scares the shit out of every other guy at school. It's hot to him how dangerous she is!

[havethetouch]

Gen Life Update (a bit ranty tho)

Figured I write a thingie because I noticed some time has passed me by again because stuff got hectic and ehh the radio silence was not intended but might hold for a bit.

Here is the thing - back in November 2022 my best friend and I had some talks about the future, we are roommates, she has a boyfriend who wants to move in together and our lease will end this year and well.. we put a maybe on moving out in general or extending the lease for a year back then, mainly because such a talk was a bit scary and weird.

For context, we both moved out at age 19 from our family homes and moved in together because were we life living alone is not feasible it is too expensive (and it has only gotten worse since) so we have been cohabitating for over 10 years now and such a big change is just... damn.

Anyway fast forward to the beginning of the year were we got back to that talk and decided yeah, moving out it is we do not like the flat much we hate our landlord because he is a piece of shit but we also have no energy nor want to find a new flat that is kinda affordable (almost impossible) and meets our standards because we are in our 30s now and are not willing to go back to living in a small flat like we used to before this one we have right now (even more impossible these days we pay too much for too little space already)

Now we are suddenly at "fuck this we goin!" because roughly two weeks ago our landlord decided to send a formal letter to inform us that we should pay him more money by the beginning of March. Which: fuck off. Pissed off is a cute way to describe how I regarded this shitty piece of paper from a piece of shit person :) So we went from "maybe" to "we gonna write a formal termination letter today weeehhh~"

What our landlord don't know is that in our first year of living here and noticing that he is difficult (example - one off the electrical outlets is broken, has apparently been broken for a while, this is a wee bit not good and he basically gave us a formal warning that this is our problem we should pay to fix that which is legally not true and just bs but I kept the letter so if he wants to fuck us over I have proof that he was aware of the issue and did not care There were other issues with the flat too like heating did not work at first, a window mechanism broke in winter and every time we called to have this fixed he dragged his feet, screamed a bit at us and was a lil bitch about it. For the record, I fixed the window myself after training myself on youtube videos and other stuff to identify the problem and then get creative with fixing that because a part was simply broken in the metal frame which would have meant to replace the whole window mechanism and he would not have paid that shit so I had to made do so my roommate would not freeze in the night bc her window was not closing properly (fuck this man so much eyyyy))

Anyway so we noticed he was a prissy bitch which probably was fueled by the fact that he is both rich and a lawyer and therefore two people he clocked as young as stupid clearly can't outwit his greatness and be too difficult because clearly we would not fight him or whatever. Jokes on him, we joined the tenant union in our first year of his bs and dutifully paid our fees to have help on standby when things get even more dicey. So things are dicey now and I know he will probably try to fight us tooth and nail to keep as much of the security deposit as possible and make things hard he is just this kind of a douchebag. But since we are members of this union we have a right to a lawyer from them at no additional cost (which is a perk you reach after 1 year of memebership god bless them) and they are already alerted of the situation and will help us not only combat his rent increase demand (which he technically can do but he did not do it the legal way and so we have grounds to refuse atm, also hitting us well into February with a sudden "this new price at the beginning of the next month" is also not quite legal either soooo) And yeah so we prepare ourselves for a big blow up on our landlords part because he is deeply allergic to people who do not cower and know their rights. So we are down to "moving out? Nah, exit strategies are planned over here now". My bestie will move out in two weeks we currently pack her stuff and dismantle her furniture and I will not stay here for long either. We will have to adhere to the notice period of our termination but hey maybe he just throws up his hands and terminates from his end to make the time shorter so he can get new folks in asap. It will be fun to deny him prominent viewing spots for new prospective tenants simply bc I work from home and have meetings and can't reasonably be expected to be disturbed by viewings and also can not be expected to vacate the premises bc work. I mean I will fuck off from here asap too I am done with the flat, the landlord and if I'm honest, I'm kinda really tired of the city too. Don't get me wrong i love Vienna with all my hart but there is also lots of bs that happened in this city and I am so ready for just getting outta here and go rural.

As for a more positive note to end this on (kind of) I will be moving into my forever home (possibly). We had some deaths in the family in the last four years and some of you know one of them was my dad. he left me this house and while i have still some reservations to call it my own, I am ready to start my life there and make it my own. Still have to go through some stuff because a lot of the stuff from our dead relatives ended up in the house because we had nowhere else to put it than there so we have to make some room to store my stuff at least and then I can slowly work on the rest. I am still kinda apprehensive about a lot of stuff because there are just many ghosts in this house and it will be hard but it also probably will be freeing and good and I want to tend to my garden and despair on the possibilities on so much space like the house is big, I am used to live out of one room and now soon will have two extra rooms to do as I please with and this is wild to me. all of this is kinda wild to me because I never had much money and with how expensive everything is in the city never had much opportunity to put money aside in the first place I was unemployed for a while some years ago i am used to surviving on little and worked myself into somewhat comfortable as i am currently. Moving into this house will be a game changer because it is paid off. This will absolutely change my life in so many ways, many many good ways. I have rich people dreams on renovating the bathroom because I would love to have a bathtub and it doesn't sound as crazy anymore to think along these lines. Wild. But first I have to pay off some debts and my teeth and then watch me go willllld I guess xd It also is a bit bittersweet bc like I said, my best friend and I (we met at 15 and have been inseparable since then) have been living together for so long and I personally have never lived on my own ever in my life and this is kinda exciting but spooky and I look forward to it but also stress out already over all the stuff I have to think about ahead and plan but ehhh for the first time in 4 years I am actually looking forward to the future and feel tentatively hopeful and this is also kinda heavy because it's been a while since I did that, the last 4 years were just a bit too hard to look past the next day or even beyond that. But now I look at my plans for just 2023 and I'm like "fuck yeah, screw surviving I'm ready for thriving" So... Imma be a bit more busy in the next days than I had expected due to vacating my flat as fast as possible and I hate moving but i love the idea of this being the final time so bear with me I work on art still in my downtimes when I need some cleansing but yehhh bit busy. Wee bit busy but finally busy with better things. Hopeful things. Life stuff, you know?

Love ya~

[arabellaflynn]

About a week ago, I went to an open class/open call where they were offering the dancers a free health screening. Sure, why not. The PTs there were super nice and actually knew their stuff -- that group also works with the local circus performers, so they're pretty used to people doing weird shit with their bodies. They had me do a cardio test, a bunch of range of motion stuff, some muscle strength, etc. It told me nothing I didn't already know. I'm extensively hypermobile, mechanically wonky because of it, intolerant of heat and sudden exertion, and all the systems that are supposed to be regulating my heart rate and blood pressure are asleep on the job.

Believe it or not, nobody has ever bothered to run most of those tests on me. By the time I figured out my panoply of issues had a single cause, I was an adult, living in Massachusetts, and my medical care all went through MassHealth. State health care doesn't run expensive tests for funsies, and I got a solid clinical diagnosis of Ehlers-Danlos just from walking in with a folder full of family history and research papers and bending my fingers backwards for some curious doctors, so it wasn't necessary. There's no real utility to putting numbers on just how fucked I am, either. EDS is a genetic disorder. There isn't any way to fix the fundamental cause of all the cascading problems, so standard of care is basically playing whack-a-mole with the symptoms. You're not treating the patient back to an objective standard, you're trying a bunch of things until you either run out of things to try, or the patient says, "Eh, good enough." The symptoms I self-report are not unreasonable for my diagnosis, and I'm not unreasonable about what counts as fixing it, so there's no point in trapping someone in an office with me for twenty very boring minutes while I run on a treadmill.

I left feeling very, very angry.

Not at the PTs; as mentioned, they were great. And I'm not pissed at my body for glitching out either. I've been like this for forty-one consecutive years at this point, and it is what it is. I'd like to think I've gotten the hang of dealing with it by now. 

I left angry because I remember being a child, and telling people about all of the things that were wrong with me, and not one single adult in my life bothered to take me seriously. The nice ones gave me a lot of pep talks about having confidence and venturing outside my comfort zone. The shitty ones told me to stop whining and do as they said. None of them went, 'hey, so, this kid keeps complaining about this one thing, it seems kind of weird and worrying, maybe go to the doctor and have it checked out?'

My mother does not like doctors. She doesn't like authority figures generally, but doctors for some reason strike her as especially useless. I don't remember very many medical appointments as a kid. Most of the ones I recall were for ear infections, and I strongly suspect we would not have gone in for those if she'd been able to figure out how to get her hands on amoxicillin on her own. My mother has a half-finished nursing degree (that she didn't want and quit right smack in the middle of) and thinks she knows better. We did go to the ER when I was five and very definitely broke my arm, and I'm told we went when I had salmonella as an infant, but aside from stonkingly obvious emergencies like those, doctor visits just didn't happen.

[Except one. The only doctor visit I didn't have to fight tooth and nail to get was when I was fourteen and mentioned I disliked my acne. Within two weeks, I had seen a PCP, gotten a referral, and was sitting the lobby of a local dermatologist who decorated his waiting room with Looney Tunes animation cels. I liked him; he addressed his questions directly to me, and at one point very politely threw my mother out of the room so I could answer them. That actually turned into a bit of an ordeal -- he tried oral antibiotics first, but it turns out that things that end in -cycline make me barf, so there was a bunch of back and forth before we settled on topical tretinoin, which was itself a PITA to get at the time. Not word one out of my mother about any of it.

Call from college begging for a therapist? Suck it up! Face unattractively bumpy? Clearly important.]

I don't remember if there was an inciting incident, or just an accumulation of smaller insults, but somewhere around the age of ten, I came to the conclusion that help did not exist. Or if it did, no one was going to give any to me. So I just stopped bothering to tell people when things went wrong. If I got sick and had to throw up while my parents were busy or asleep, I just staggered to the bathroom and did it, went back to bed, and informed the adults the next time they cruised by. I had constant nosebleeds as a kid (common symptom of EDS, plus we lived in the desert) and I stuck a wad of Kleenex up my nose and went on with my day. 

Since "have my needs respected" apparently wasn't an option, I only had two ways to deal with stuff that did damage: Suck it up and ignore it, or sit the fuck down and refuse to move. I picked the latter more often than you'd think. 

It worked best when the person demanding I do something stupid was an authority figure other than a parent -- e.g., a teacher or camp counselor -- because then I could sic my mother on them. My mother loves feeling like she's Sticking It To The Man™. (Note that my mother is a suburban housewife with a backyard pool, hybrid SUV, and a husband who works in aerospace and has to tear apart the house looking for his Selective Service card every few years to re-up his DoD clearance. My mother is The Man. Congruence is not her strong suit.) To her credit, she did always tell me that if the cops ever brought me home in the middle of the night, she would know whatever I did was 100% my idea -- I was an extremely stubborn kid and petrified of getting into any kind of trouble, so if I was openly disobeying a teacher, there was probably a good reason for it. 

The supervising adult would threaten, "I'll call your parents," and I would just be like, "Okay, go for it," and then they would magically come up with some other way to resolve the problem, because they had all tangled with my mother at some point, and none of them were eager to do it again. It's possible that they called my father at work once or twice, but he would have just redirected them to my mother, and I'm convinced that the school office drew straws whenever her name came up on the caller ID to see who had to talk to her this time.

On the other hand, anything that so much as mildly inconvenienced my mother was cause for rage. The worst one I can recall was when I was in high school. at a dental appointment. I don't like dentists, partly for the normal reasons and partly because as above-mentioned my mother resents the existence of medical professionals and was incapable of not taking her mood out on her surroundings. For some reason, she though she could just not deal with that part by not telling me about the appointment until we joined it in media res. I don't remember what happened at school that day -- undoubtedly some random teenage bullshit, but when you're a teenager, that bullshit is very important -- but between that, and getting paged out of class unexpectedly as if there were some sort of emergency, and just general DENTIST, I had an absolute meltdown as soon as my butt hit the exam chair.

In retrospect, this was clearly some combination of panic attack and dysautonomia. I was sobbing hysterically and hyperventilating so badly I couldn't have given an answer to the people asking me what was wrong even if had one. I was physically unable to calm down. The dentist was beside herself. She tried everything she could think of, but in the end, I couldn't stop crying long enough to let the poor woman clean my teeth, so they just told us to re-book and come back later.

My mother was a ball of seething, silent, white-hot fury the entire drive home. The dentist and hygienist had sat with me for about a million years, asking me what happened and how they could help. My mother did neither, but did let me know that I had disrupted her entire day, and she was very unhappy that she had to drag me back and do this all over again.

Many years later, I learned that dentists were well aware that they made people anxious, and as long as you had someone handy to drive you home, a lot of them would happily give you some Valium to make the experience less dreadful. There's an excellent chance they asked my mother if they could give her minor daughter some sedatives, and she said no.

I can't decide whether she was better or worse about physical problems. She was objectively very bad. My mother's tolerance for pain and discomfort is unreal. My sister and I have agreed on exactly one thing, ever, in our entire lives, and that thing is: 'If Mom claims something doesn't hurt, do not believe her.' She never bothered to tell dentists when the numbing wore off while they were still drilling. She thought childbirth was easy. She broke hands and feet multiple times as a child, and by her own account she just wrapped a bandage around the offending extremity and ignored it. She did finally admit, in her 50s, that almost a year of chronic kidney stones, complete with stents and multiple lithotripsies, kind of sucked. (She did it to herself. Rather than hit up a doctor when the symptoms of menopause annoyed her, she decided to treat it with a preposterous excess of green veggies and soy products. Which are full of stone-forming oxalates. Oops.) It's not anything like CIPA -- we actually have the infamous redhead gene that eats Novocaine for breakfast and makes sore throat sprays worthless. 

I am unsure if her childhood included frank physical abuse. I am inclined to think not, because her social calibration is way the fuck off, and if it had she inevitably would have told us some sort of anecdote about it, thinking it was funny. But it is abundantly clear that her parents were not equipped with an excess of empathy, and that it was drilled into her at a very young age that her pain did not matter. My mother is more 'self-centered teenager' than 'literal sociopath', but that still means she assumes her experience is universal despite all evidence to the contrary -- so if her pain doesn't matter, yours doesn't matter either. To this day, I'm not sure whether she disbelieved me when I told her something hurt, or just didn't think it was all that important.

How much influence other adults would have had on my overall medical care, I don't know; my mother did have my insurance card hostage, after all. But I am still very, very angry at all the people who told me that my pain and discomfort weren't real, and I was just making them up to be difficult. I have permanent ligament damage in both arches because of a PE teacher who insisted that I run (well, "run") a mile even as I was gasping for breath and literally dragging my toes with every step, unable to lift my feet properly. Another PE teacher rolled her eyes and called me lazy when I spent most of seventh grade on crutches after re-injuring what the first one did. (To clarify, we did not go to a doctor to get the crutches -- my mother cadged them from a friend who had broken a foot sometime earlier, and forged my PE excuse note. Also to clarify, we had excellent health insurance that would absolutely have covered 'kid can't walk right, get foot x-rays at urgent care and issue mobility aids'.)

I avoided anything even remotely resembling exercise for decades, because I knew it would go just like my academics did. Agreeing to anything would start an endless round of the adults badgering me to do more and try harder. No achievement would ever be enough. As soon as they got one 'yes' I wouldn't be allowed to say 'no' anymore, and the only way to make it stop would be to go completely on strike, let them be mad, and wait until they got distracted and went to go yell at someone else.

Unbelievably enough, I do feel a bit sorry for my mother. In hindsight, she has pretty much the same core set of symptoms as me, as do her sisters, and as did her mother. I have limited knowledge of the rest of the family, but every blood relative on that side has shown at least some signs that I know of. A lot of the dysfunction around medical stuff stems from her just never having experienced anything different, and not knowing that none of this is normal. The unforgivable part is her reaction when I came to her with the problem. Instead of helping me find ways to cope, or even just sympathizing with me and agreeing that it sucked, she screamed at me to shut up. She genuinely thinks that everyone in the world is walking around in this amount of distress, all the time, and that trying to not be in this amount of distress is childish and entitled, like demanding that the world bring you a constant stream of food so that you never have to feel the slightest bit hungry. 

I'm sorry that she's that miserable, and feels compelled to suffer alone. But she could have chosen to behave better, and did not. Her isolation, at least as an adult, is her own damn fault.

Why the other grown-ups thought I was malingering, I have no idea. I seemed too young to have the problems I claimed? They were used to me being compliant and had no plan for my insubordination? General assumption that children are lazy and manipulative liars? Not a clue. But they all dismissed me without running any of the tests that would have proven I was telling the truth. I sincerely want to take the packet the PT gave me at the screening, roll it tightly into a cylinder, go back in time, and smack each and every one of them with it, repeatedly, until they understand what they did wrong.

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[influenzalake]

Batfam and Superfam in the Stranger Things Universe

WAITING FOR SEASON 5- - - 

Prompts:

- Which season would they be in

- How would they survive Upside Down 

- What ST character are they most like

Bruce:

- Season 1

- He would survive the Upside Down, he would have better chances of survival though if he had his batman gear with him. Do they have food and water in the Upside Down??? I think besides basic nutrients, the monsters, and the storms Bruce would have very high chances of survival.

- Hopper, its giving dad vibes

Selina: 

- Season 3

- Selina would survive for some time, then succumb to illness, dehydration, or starvation.

- Selina would probably get even more sassy if put into the ST universe. ST Selina reminds me of Older Erica or Older Max

Clark: 

- Season 1

- Unless there is a solar power source, Clark would be sick as a dog in the Upside Down. His kryptonian cells would be what he has to worry about more than any of the interdimensional dangers. 

- Clark would be like Nancy. But not "way in over her head Nancy", more of a "ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum and my foot fell off" Nancy

Lois: 

- Season 4

- Lois would bring out the badass reserved for life or death situations. She would be a survivor as long as the Upside Down would tolerate it. It is an unforgiving realm and she would be the outsider. Lois in the Upside Down would be very interesting, I think she would make it. 

- Another Nancy, a Cool Calmed and Collected season 4 Nancy

Dick: 

- Season 1, where it all started

- Dick would build himself a shelter and hunker down. Then he would set out to look for other survivors. He would probably find the corpses of the past and feel extremely discouraged. 

- Dick for some reason reminds me of Murray. No context, just Murray

Jason:

- Season 2, where shit goes down

- Jason would find himself the least Upside Down infected area and make that his base. He would probably be going mad in the twisted dimension of otherwordly filth. 

- I can't think of a single character that reminds me of Jason, I feel like he is a mix of multiple. If I had to give him ONE i would say Eddie. Tragic character that is used as a scapegoat for the real problem, but gave his all for others. 

Tim:

- Season 4

- Tim would be thrown for a loop in the Upside Down. Analyzing and calculating everything, and having all that information be worth zero. Everything he thought he understood would be thrown into the garbage. Tim would have to start from square one to understand and survive the Upside Down.

- Tim to me gives Suzie and Eleven, again I can't think of just one

Damian: 

-  Season 3

- Damian would see the Upside Down as just another trial to test his skills. He would promise himself he would survive, for his honor and for his father. He would be ruthless, probably reverting to his LOA mindset for survival.

- Damian reminds me of Steve. If Steve still had his asshole streak from season 1 but the kindness and bravery from the other seasons. Damian would keep his unapproachable facade while secretly caring for others. 

Jon:

- Season 2

- Jon, like Clark, would struggle with his half-blood self in the sunless Upside Down. Being alone, so young, and inexperienced I think he would try to use what power he does have, and end up burning himself out. He would realize too late that his powers are on a limited battery and that he would have to survive without them. Jon would have a really hard time surviving.

- Jon reminds me of Dustin and Will. Dustin for his personality, Will for his being the bridge between two worlds

Conner: 

- Season 3

- Conner would fight tooth and nail in the Upside Down. I feel like he would physically survive (barely) but mentally suffer.

- Conner reminds me of Mike, independent but still prone to obvious mistakes 

[majoringinsarcasm]

Long rambling post by someone who doesn’t understand a lot of things please ignore thank you

I never have any big sweeping statements to make, and trust me even if not online I’ve been saying in my life how unfair the US government is and how it’s only gotten worse. But it feels so shitty that this is the reality of the average citizen. Most days we try our best. Sometimes our best means living another day on the street because it’s illegal to sleep on benches and inside abandoned buildings and we’re told it’s “that person’s fault” if they’re homeless or poor. We’re told our votes don’t matter by people who haven’t even given up they just either can’t try or they’re an asshole. We have to fight tooth and nail just to keep our heads above water. We are forced to vote for people who frankly I don’t know WHY they run for office.

My brain doesn’t grasp certain things. Politics has always confused me bc as a kid things were simple. But now I see people wanting to be in positions of power who very loudly make it clear who they do and don’t give a shit about and I wonder what the point is. Crowd funding isn’t bad at all but in a lot of cases, medical bills or housing, I feel like people shouldn’t have to beg for the kindness of others. The fucking people in charge and our very system should exist to cater to its citizens. And I mean that.

That’s not saying we shouldn’t work hard but the basics needs of food, drinking and bathing water and shelter should be met for everyone bc NOT having them doesn’t mean you’re a criminal or evil.

We organize marches for all sorts of causes and people get arrested and attacked and have tear gas thrown at them. We have to hear about other counties going through devastation on social media bc if the mainstream media covers it all they won’t give us all the facts just like social media isn’t giving us all the facts. Safety for one group shouldn’t have to mean the destruction of the other. This world is so big and we can learn so much from each other and there are people who will never get to travel away from their home state or country to see that world.

And we watch as people are murdered by governments. We watch as people are killed and stolen from their families. Hate speech is on the rise and celebrities can say insanely wildly racist or antisemitic or Islamophobic or transphobic things. The list goes on. People are cheering for the deaths of all of any given group and these people have power and nobody is checking their ass. A political leader or candidate calling for the death of ALL of a group and calling them animals is unthinkable. People, much like they did with Covid and any Chinese person (or anyone they thought was Asian at all bc those people don’t really care or see a difference) blaming and attacking Jewish people is insane to me. I know this has happened before several times over but I didn’t understand then and I still don’t now. (Also at least in the US the religious people who want to control the government and its people and create laws that benefit them and fuck everyone else starts with a C)

Using the mass killings as an excuse to show your ass and boost your hatred now that you can hide it behind A Good Cause is not the shocking part. It’s the fact that the end result is ultimately up to people who don’t care. Or if they do care they get outvoted. If they don’t want anyone to be killed they have no control over Hamas or the IDF or the United Nations or the president or the prime ministers.

It’s upsetting that there’s not a magic stop all wars and hate and crime button. It’s upsetting that people turn to crime (not mass killings crime but more local shit) because they have nothings else. It’s upsetting that each time there’s a big international attack or war we’re told bullshit about how it’s being handled when it’s not. That we ultimately have to sit and wait and watch others endure or have to watch our neighbors extra carefully lest some asshole with a not so secret agenda tries to kill them as well just for being born who they are.

I know I’m speaking from a place of privilege. From average safety. But from the outside I want people to know (hoping no one actually reads this, this is not a social media site it’s my personal diary) that the hatred looks wrong. It doesn’t make sense and it’s not nor has it ever been justified. I could go on a long fucking rant about how funny I think it is when white non-Jewish Americans name every Palestinian a savage or a terrorist considering how many many mass shooters have been white men specifically. But this isn’t about them.

I want to learn. I want to help people. I want places to change and get better so that wars and killings over territory are no longer needed. Where people can live beside each other without one being oppressed or one fearing a counterattack at any moment. That change can happen. It’s happened before and it will happen again. If nothing else I do hold only hope with razor sharp teeth and peace is not just a word but something can be achieved. I just wish it could happen faster.

[knuckles-apr]

Random Ging x Reader Headcanons

**NSFW warning. It’s tame, but still**

 +++ Say what you will about his hygiene, but Ging has the straightest teeth of anyone you've ever seen, and he never even had braces. He doesn’t take great care of them or anything, but he’s won the genetic lottery on this one 

+++ He keeps on trying to get pet fish, but always forgets to feed them, so they die. Sometimes, he’ll even throw away or donate the tank, only to a few months later, get back into the scene with new beta fish. He’s even accidentally named two different fish Puddles, but the hell if you’re saying anything about it 

+++ Animals do love him, but the only ones that can keep his attention are the ones that are dangerous. You frequently come home to a massive pile of shit on your front porch, and a popped blood vessel when you discover that he’s taken the bison inside. 

“What? Oh, don’t worry, I signed for your package. You should be nicer to me if you want me to keep on doing these kinds of favors for you” 

“Ging, there’s more than just my package on the front porch.” 

“...is this some kind of innuendo? I’m not following”

+++ For such a shy and independent man, Ging sure has a lot of friends. Most of whom he’s met while hunting, and almost all of whom are unsavory. He does have the decency to keep them in the garage, though, whenever they visit. And you make sure to keep the fridge out there stocked with beer so that there’s no reason Ging would need to come inside to get more while they’re around. Your memories are still haunted by the image of the garage door swinging open, revealing a poker table full of men with varying degrees of nakedness and drunkenness. 

“Hey, we ran out of peanut M&Ms.” 

“Ging! Shut the door, what the hell?!” 

“Oh, come on, he has a condition! He’s not into you, I swear” 

Even Ging, who was the most clothed, wasn’t leaving much to the imagination

+++ Poor Kite is cancelled on by Ging frequently. Although it seems like maybe an unspoken declaration of disinterest in the friendship, what it really boils down to it that that’s just the way Ging is; Kite is the only friend he has that’s close enough to be making plans with him, or else we would see that he would do the same to everyone in his friend pool

+++ As a result, whenever they make plans, Kite texts you just to let you know, because you both know he’s going to forget or try to weasel his way out of it the day of. 

“Ging, wake up, you and Kite are going to Oktoberfest today” 

“Mmmmm, tell him I’m sick” 

“Tell him yourself, he’s right here”

+++ Before you moved in, Ging exclusively slept on a beanbag, despite having a perfectly comfortable bed. Even now, sometimes you’ll wake up to an empty bed, and go make breakfast, only to find Ging in the living room, asleep on his beanbag and covered in goldfish crumbs

+++ This man legit still comes into a sock when jerking off. Stepping on a crispy sock every once in a while is just part of living with Ging. But that doesn’t mean you don’t yell at him every time it happens.

 “Come on, I left it in the corner of the room! It’s on you this time, I don’t care what you say”

+++ He carries everything in plastic bags. He’s never once invested in luggage or portable storage of any kind

+++ Ging loves gaming, but his taste is a little juvenile (if you can believe it). He is an avid X-Box fan, and will fight tooth and nail for it. He has an X-Box live membership and a gaming headset, and several online friends to play Call of Duty with at any given time. If you ever wonder where your cousin picked up all the swear words he’s been using, look no further than Ging

+++ Back when it was a thing, he bought gamer girl bathwater claiming it was a joke. Then why is it in your glass display case, Ging?

+++ Along with the gamer girl bathwater, Ging has collected many relics from the past; both from his hunting adventures, and his fleeting interests. Even though he isn’t a necessarily a sentimental or materialistic man, he does tend to keep some things around. But his habit of travelling light mixed with his abysmal taste makes it so that the things he keeps are usually ratty pieces of paper, small rocks and twigs, or in the rare case, a newspaper or magazine clipping

+++ Speaking of his abysmal taste, don’t let him find out about Ikea. Or HGTV. Or The Sims. Basically anything that would have him get interested in decoration. Before you came along, the man didn’t know he needed a shower curtain, and his mattress was just on the floor 

+++ And should we talk about his slight of hand magic phase? No, not this time. Wait, yes. He was really bad at it. Now if you talk about it he’ll give you the silent treatment for a couple of hours. Honestly, the real magic is getting him off your case for a little while

[hamphobicbasil]

Could u elaborate about the dsmp story being bad? Not a rabid/brain dead fan, just genuinely curious and I enjoy reading people's rants lolol

oh you dont know the floodgates you just opened

a few things:

1. despite not liking the creators of the dsmp anymore, I don't actually hate most of them. [the ones that are particularly unsavory fall outside of this of course] so all that I'm saying i truly mean in a critical sense towards the story, its also just all purely my opinion as someone who enjoys fictional and fantasy stories and who like criticizing works to see what it does well and what it doesn't do well

2. for clarification I'm going to use the c![name] to indicate when I'm talking about the characters. Don't get me wrong, I think its annoying too but its the only way I'm gonna be able to write this thing without getting something across the wrong way yknow?

3. I stopped watching the streams after November 16th, [save for one Techno one but I closed out after a particularly bad story beat lol] and so all information coming afterward is all second hand from either me seeing people on twt talk abt it or people dming me. All i really know is up to dream's imprisonment and some stuff past that.

4. This is mostly aimed towards the "main" story, so stuff abt the badlands, eggpire, and whatnot are briefly mentioned.

anyways uh, i'll try to be brief but also include enough information to get why i feel the way i do on some stuff across

A. Performances Alright obviously these people are all streamers, so obviously they might not be the best actors, and hell no one is even asking that of them. However, when you're telling a story that's based on the audio with the visuals kinda coming to a second, it's gotta be pretty strong. I will say, some of the best actors in my opinion are Wilbur, Tommy, and Tubbo. I would include Ranboo but I never watched any of his story bits or story streams so I can't say much. Wilbur and Tommy are excellent in selling their character's emotions and feelings, when I watch the stream I don't feel like I'm watching an rp but an actual thought-out story yknow? And one of my favorite Tubbo examples was in the Hog Hunt video whenever Techno attacked him, he sounded genuinely afraid and I believed everything his character was feeling.

However, unfortunately, not everyone is gonna be that good. And I'm gonna say it; Dream and Techno have to be the worst out of the entire cast. I understand Techno's whole character is this monotoned badass, however, when really emotional moments hit I feel like he never lets that fall, and a lot of intense moments just ring hollow. And I'm sorry but Dream's attempts at being intimidating leave me laughing whenever I watch them. It feels like he watched that one scene from The Marriage with Adam Driver and Scarlett Johannson and said "Oh this is what good acting looks like! Just yelling." His whole "I don't give a FUCK about Spirit!" speech isn't as great as people keep making it out to be. And whenever he tries to act coy when being a villain it feels like a guy reading the script for the first time, a bit like he's trying too hard. I have more problems with his character but his portrayal certainly doesn't help.

Everyone else is fine, and I don't feel strongly either way about a lot of them.

B. The "Lore" Okay first off, I can't be the only one who thinks it's silly that people are calling the dsmp's story "lore" when it's not, it's the fucking story. Lore indicates backstory to either the world or the characters, which a lot of the streams don't really pertain to. This is a really petty section but god it's a weird pet peeve of mine.

Other than the misusage of "lore" vs "story", the actual lore and world-building of the world are so lackluster that new elements can be introduced whenever and it often feels cluttered or not well thought out at all. And here's the thing, I feel like if the writers sat down just for a few minutes to establish world rules and general history, a lot of this could be solved! but so much is made up on the spot that it starts to feel like they're grabbing at straws to keep people invested, trying to reach that next high and intense story beat without actually earning it.

C. The Egg / Eggpire This is a pretty minor note since I was only invested in the Egg storyline for a little bit, but god it's so underused that it's almost embarrassing. Bad has provided this super interesting antagonistic force that's infecting the SMP, can control people, and who one of our main character is immune to, and it's just never used or even talked about again? Now I understand if he wanted to keep it to a side storyline only, however, to introduce this borderline eldritch creature and force within the world and then never have it dealt with is so weird.

D. The Writing Oh boy this is. kinda a big one. Now I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty obvious I have a bias for the Wilbur writing over the current team [that consisting of Dream, Quackity, and Tommy mostly]. I don't this his writing is perfect by any means, the characters constantly bringing up traitors got obnoxious after a while, and writing Hamilton but in Minecraft really isn't the modern Shakespeare or anything. However, I think his exploration of characters and plot progression was a lot more thought out and well planned, like he actually had two brain cells behind the story yknow? The current team I think fails to be as emotional or even impactful, things happened too fast and my god was everything drowned in angst for so long.

Don't get me wrong, you gotta have your characters face hardships to make them reach their goal believable, but some of the shit they put the characters through just felt like too much. From c!Tubbo's constant comparison to c!Schlatt [who btw, fucking ordered his death and kept him from his friends in a nation he felt trapped in] and on a side note, i kinda really fucking dislike the "c!Schlatt dad!!" au's or the au's where c!Tubbo inherits some of Schlatt's features, it would be like c!Tommy getting a c!Dream mask after his exile, it's feels so weird yet people eat that shit up for some reason.

But god, did c!Tommy get the brunt of it all and in retrospect after his final death, it kinda feels really fucking gross. Now obviously, I'm not trusting any of these people to write decent mental health representation, but c!Tommy's PTSD and how it was explored was just degrading. [Specifically the scene in that one Techno stream where he saw the final control room from the first war, and had a flashback / panic attack where he started calling out for c!Dream. I understand this is an actual thing people with PTSD will experience, but it felt so fucking stereotypical it got on my nerves. I actually had to close out of the stream because it made me feel sick, fiction shouldn't leave you feeling that way.] And don't get me started on how they basically reused the formula from the previous arc. [Problem introduced -> Tensions rise as things start to fall apart -> Big confrontation -> Exile -> Return from Exile -> Blowing up L'Manberg, again.]

And speaking of characters-

E. Character Arcs, or the lack of them In my genuine opinion, some of these characters' arcs are so disappointing. Especially c!Tommy's. I'm not one to believe that he was a "selfish" character or anything, however, his goals were simply set on his discs and maybe c!Tubbo, he didn't have much outside that. However, L'Manberg gave him something to care about, he gave up his discs for it and he fought for it tooth and nail, I think it taught him to open up to others and trust more. It was a great character arc for him to have, seeing him still fight even after his first exile alongside c!Wilbur, to return safely to the nation that he and his found family had built.

But then his second exile happened, and I feel like all of that was undone.

c!Tommy's exile genuinely pisses me off for so many reasons. It's not that characters can't have their low points after reaching a major change or feeling like they've "completed" their arcs or anything, but it's more of the fact that it seems like he's never going to heal that feels like a spit in the face, especially to people who might have had setbacks like that before. Progress isn't linear, sometimes things happen and you get knocked back down, it can take a while to get back up, but I don't think c!Tommy's character is ever going to be allowed to get back up. From c!Dream, who pretty much was a constant abuser in his life, killing him then reviving him, and his still fractured relationship with c!Tubbo, which by the way I have a had time believing they would still be friends after all that happened, it feels like he can never get a win and it's generally kinda a shit way to treat your characters who have been abused. Of course, not all abused characters are going to get happy endings, I'm not trying to dictate that they all should, but c!Tommy deserves one and the fact that it's so obscure feels shitty.

Side note: we still don't have a canon reason to give a shit abt the discs. Like I'm sorry but without some sorta connection to the MacGuffin why should we give a shit about him getting them other than "he wants them lol". Like hell, I would even accept the classic "they were the last gifts from his parents" or something, but we still don't have a reason.

c!Tubbo also lacks a fulfilling arc as well, from someone who started out as a yes man, he has progressed a bit into having his own interests first, but besides that sometimes his character makes me so. depressed. He's easily one of the most pushed around and hated characters within the story, all for being a kid who didn't know what to do and he's in the same vein as c!Tommy; these kids can't get a break. Also, his anti-violence beliefs morphing into the "lets kill c!Techno lol!" bit was so out of place and without proper build-up it was like. what. And now he's building nukes?? god c!Tubbo makes me so sad because he's kicked around constantly and never given a chance to grow.

Another small note, I also don't really enjoy c!Techno at all. Besides the previously stated reasons of lack of emotions when they're really needed, I find his character to be weirdly pretentious. He talks as if he's constantly been betrayed and hurt but I personally, don't see it? Like, I think one of the main examples was the Pogtopia vs. Manberg war, yknow he wanted to end the government but they just reinstated it after they won = c!Techno upset. But this doesn't make sense to me because why did he think otherwise? The entire time c!Tommy had talked about taking back their nation and starting again, so the fact that c!Techno suddenly thought there would be a sudden change is, to put it bluntly, kinda fucking stupid. I don't want to say that he "plays the victim" or anything because that feels a bit harsh, but his character feels so far up his own ass that I can't enjoy him.

I have a major grip with c!Dream as well, but that's getting it's own fucking section.

F. L'Manberg This is a quick note before we get into the, forgive me for this, endgame, of this entire rant, since the next two sections are tied together. But god, L'Manberg makes me upset because it feels like they gave up on it.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that it is supposed to be c!Wilbur's "unfinished symphony", the thing that destroyed a once charismatic and widely loved man, his attempt at power that utterly ruined him. But the fact that it just got blown up in the end after everything and left to rot felt like such a waste of time. From the first war, to Pogtopia, to even c!Tommy's exile, it all felt fucking worthless in the end, and the story is actively closer to how it was when it started now more than ever. I wished it was actually allowed to exist and continue to be a peaceful place in what is a chaotic world, but no it was just snuffed out because why dedicate to this concept of finding others you can band together with and feel safe. fuck that noise apparently?

G. The Villains Now villain-wise, I'm only talking about c!Dream [during the first war], c!Schlatt, and c!Wilbur. And believe it or not, this is actually mostly positive.

Now I'm not gonna lie, c!Dream as a staring antagonist wasn't bad actually, he posed a genuine and threatening opposition to L'Manberg, even if we didn't know his real intentions or motivations as to why he was against it. He's lucky in this sense because he didn't have to be good, he had to be passable. If anything, he felt more like an anti-hero than a tyrant or traditional villain, and my god do I wish he kept this theme going forward.

Now quick disclaimer, I don't like JSchlatt as much as the next guy, he's an adult man who should know better than to joke about some sensitive topics and act the way that he does. But the one thing I'll ever give him is that damn, was he a good actor for his character.

Now here's the thing, c!Schlatt wasn't particularly deep at all. He had no real motivations behind his exile of c!Wilbur and c!Tommy other than getting competition out of the way, had no reason to act the way that he did and yknow? that's fine. The reason why he worked was from his performance alone, he was actually intimidating. When he came onto the stream and was doing his typical bad guy stuff, it was actually intense to see what he would do. Whenever he would almost catch c!Tommy back in Manberg, whenever he would begin to pressure c!Tubbo, it put you on the edge of your seat and it felt like everything would change at the drop of a pen. He's a villain to be a villain, and this works out because he's just charismatic and well put together enough to make it interesting, even without the backstory or motives.

c!Wilbur however, is much more tragic, and the best villain of the story. He essentially was the "mentor turned evil" trope and it felt terrible watching him descend into madness, unable to trust barely anyone except for c!Techno and c!Tommy. Hell, in the end I think he still cared about them both, despite losing everything. Sure, he blew up L'Manberg, but there was still a smidge of the old c!Wilbur in there made everything he did feel melancholic. His death at the hands of his father after achieving his final wish was chilling, and something I still think about.

Until yknow, Ghostbur came back way too soon to let people feel his loss as a character within that world. And then he got revived, pretty much-undoing everything that moment meant for his character lol.

And then there's the worst one:

H. Dream. I'm going to be completely honest, c!Dream is one of the main reasons why I dislike the current dsmp stuff so much. Outside of his actions as a person, the way Dream decided to write his character as this overpowered madman of the dsmp really just. destroyed any intrigue that he could've had. Perhaps this is from my growing dislike towards him, manifesting into a bias towards his character, but god I cannot fathom why people try to insist he's interesting when he has as much depth as a fucking puddle.

And here's the thing, I'm not even entirely against c!Dream being a villain, hell I think he would've been great as an anti-hero if anything. Make him sympathetic but not through c!George to get your precious "DNF" points or anything, but show him actually caring about the people within the dsmp, including c!Tommy and c!Tubbo. This would make his rival status with them just a bit more complicated, sure they're enemies, however, he doesn't want to hurt or kill them, and there's still a level of friendship there that keeps them bonded when things get super bad. This could've been super interesting to see, the first villain of the story receiving a sorta redemption arc then descending into madness as he started to fixate on being a god. This is all how I feel personally, but god do I feel like it would've been better than his current character, and hell would've worked with how he was during the Pogtopia arc, before the war that is. I'm not trying to tell Dream how to write his own character, but there are so many other ways he could've done the madman seeking to become god rather then. whatever the hell we got.

Because instead, we got this power-mad asshole who does things... because he can? And that's one of my major issues: he tries to surround his character in mystery to make him "intriguing" but it's kinda like c!Techno, it comes off as pretentious. Not only that, but you cannot keep waving around this mystery of a backstory without ever actually revealing it. I know the story isn't over, but c!Dream is effectively at his lowest point, now would be the time to reveal his backstory. But no just keep it in the dark and keep everyone guessing, that's totally fun and not at all tiring and annoying. (sarcasm, if anyone needs it)

And back to his performance, he doesn't sell this aloof, cynical and strategic warrior that has perfected the blade or some shit, he comes off as some angry guy yelling on reddit. which i don't need to tell you, isn't intimidating. It feels like he's trying to have c!Schlatt's intimidation combined with c!Wilbur's depth, but instead he's like a little brother who's trying to hard to mimic his older brother and is kinda embarrassing himself.

but other then that i dont feel too strongly abt the dsmp lol

but seriously, these are the main complaints I have abt the story tbh, I could probably talk about more but I wont because man. this is probably gonna get me in trouble if any of the hyper-dsmp fans actually read it.

[voidstilesplease]

telltale

Word count: 1,592... the goal is less than 1k but- | Warning/s: none | Contains: HP Universe, magic, Slytherin!Stiles, Slytherin!Theo. Was going to make this a separate thing, but it's been a while for this tag, so.

---

Having a newly-turned werewolf best friend is taking a toll on Stiles and it's showing - but he's also not about to abandon Scott to his predicament. What kind of a best friend would that make him? So, he spends most of his time now helping Scott through the shift; in remaining semi-conscious even as the moon pulls at his sanity, and in adapting to the enhancements of his senses. Stiles even brews the monthly supply of Wolfsbane potion himself, in the old girl's lavatory in the presence of Moaning Myrtle - the worst tattletale ghost in history. Luckily, Stiles is an expert at bribery. You'd think it was impossible to bribe a girl who's been dead forever, but goes to show how little you know about the world.

Stiles knows what he's committing to is risky, and Salazar Slytherin would have sneered at his display of severe lack of self-preservation if he could, but it wouldn't make a proper Slytherin of him if he turned down a challenge he believes he can win. And he can win this. In fact, he's winning so competently he's perfecting his animagus form without proper training or legal consent - both of which are required for all witches and wizards who wish to become one. It's his way of showing solidarity to his best friend. If his friend transforms into an animal, then he transforms into an animal as well. Albeit, of all animals, he chose a fox, and foxes and wolves tend not to get along. But eh, that's all right. There hasn't been an accident anyway... yet. Also, he has always wanted to do something illegal just to prove that he can get away with it. He always does something illegal, yes, but, like, hosting illicit parties in the Slytherin Common Room has nothing on becoming an unregistered animagus, isn't that right? This thing with Scott is an excellent opportunity to broaden his horizon.

But it doesn't mean it's not without consequences on his social life, physicality (he's still fit, mind you, just lost a few pounds, is all), and most of all, his studies. He knows his chances of usurping the first rank from Lydia is borderline impossible, but he would damn well do everything not to be that far behind her. If he has to settle with second place, he will do so with a hairsbreadth of space between them and nothing more.

But goddamn if he isn't bedraggled, half-unconscious, bloody hungry, and terminally late to his potions class today. None of which would help his academic goal. He'll have to fight tooth and nail to get that 0.5 difference again.

He's lucky it's his Head of House, Professor Laura Hale's class and not Deaton's (who would purse his lips in disapproval, take 5 points from Slytherin, and look at him disappointedly the whole day), Professor Derek Hale's (he would huff and let his eyebrows speak the 10 points he'd take from Slytherin, and make Stiles the dummy for whatever curse they were demonstrating that day), or god forbid, Harris's (he would happily take 50 points from Slytherin without batting his eyelash then and there). Professor Laura would only turn her head away and pretend not to notice Stiles awkwardly sliding onto the seat beside his potions partner.

Merlin, his potions partner. Theo "I know what you've been up to and you better well know I'm gonna use it as leverage when the time comes" Raeken. He can't, for the life of him, guess how Theo knew about the animagus thing when he'd been so careful. Then again, Theo isn't a Slytherin if he doesn't have bags of tricks up his sleeves. Theo has repeatedly hinted that he's aware, and it's another thing that keeps Stiles up at night - well, more than usual. Theo already keeps Stiles up at night without trying. Theo hasn't blabbered yet - Stiles doesn't have to worry about that, at least - because a proper Slytherin would always go the blackmail route. Honestly, Stiles is only waiting for the shoe to drop. It's not like he doesn't have blackmail material of his own against his infuriating housemate. If Theo ever opens his stupid mouth, Stiles will call him out on his hypocrisy. Because apparently, there are two unregistered animagi in Slytherin.

Panting, he enters the room and immediately meets Professor Laura's eyes over the busy heads of his classmates. Wordlessly, she smoothly shifts her gaze away and turns her back to "check" on the progress (or lack thereof) of some Hufflepuff fellow as if she didn't at all notice Stiles by the entryway. Taking the chance (the hint is what it is), he crosses the room towards his partner and exhales loudly in his seat.

Theo is stirring the pot, the concoction quietly bubbling, as he smirks down at Stiles with an all-knowing look. "Long night?"

The git, the absolute bloody bastard. He probably slept the prescribed 8 hours, the prat. Albeit... an attractive one at that. But still the biggest git of all, of course. And, yeah, the most attractive git, loathe as he to admit it. But- Merlin, shut up. Shut up. He needs to bloody sleep and drop unconscious already. Or drown himself in firewhiskey and drop unconscious. For at least 15 hours straight.

Stiles sneers, looking for a clever slight to throw at Theo. He knows he can't insult his potions skills because he's actually decent at it, actually bloody good, the prick. And he can't pick on his appearance because, well, there is literally nothing to pick on about his outside everything, is there? Even that stupid slight graze on his left eyebrow looks fitting on him, like a fashion statement or something, and soon the Slytherin boys would go knicking themselves in their stupid eyebrows to copy him, to be half as echanting as him, to - Merlin. Shut up, for Salazar's sake.

Before Stiles can open his mouth, the onslaught of cedarwood, mint, and chocolate knocks his words back down his throat, and all he's able to do is inhale. Deep. With pleasure. With so much pleasure that it's an internal battle not to drop his eyelids and part his lips for a moan.

For seven years, Stiles has been haunted by it - sleeping so close to the boy who wears the scent that he can't eat a single bar of chocolate without thinking of Theo. It's both a blessing and a curse. Kinda cliche, but kinda true. Absolutely true. Also absolutely a secret.

So, he pulls his face into a sneer once more - as if his brain isn' melting into cedarwood, mint, and chocolate pudding - throwing a glare at his roommate. The long-time bane of his existence, long-time subject of his wanking fantasies (and disgustingly romantic daydreams, but Stiles is not about to address it because then he'll be admitting that shit's getting real), long-time crush. "None of your business," Stiles snaps. He'd like to add "eloquently", but it just isn't.

Theo only chuckles as if he already expected the reply. Or because he is immune to Stiles's attitude after dealing with it for years. Whichever it is, Theo's infuriatingly unaffected. It's so bloody distracting. He's so bloody distracting. Especially to a sleep-deprived Stiles who hasn't had enough rest, meal, or wank for far too long than reasonable.

"Well, make your tardy ass useful then and tell me if the potion smells like it's a flawless brew," he cocks his head sideways, lips slanting to an obnoxious smile, and adds, "Though, I already know it is."

Stiles scoffs (while he inwardly sings praises, because, damn if he isn't hot. Merlin, he needs to jerk off. Twice, in a row. Then drop unconscious. Wake up for dinner and masturbate twice more before bed most preferably). He glances down at the swirling mist coming from the pot and slides his unimpressed gaze back to Theo. "If I can smell anything at all over the entire bottle of cologne you poured on yourself today."

Theo looks taken aback for a moment, five heartbeats if Stiles is not wrong (he isn't) before his face breaks into the biggest, brightest grin Stiles has ever seen him make. Then he laughs heartily, genuinely; his eyes look extraordinarily joyful, and his neck even starts flushing. Stiles would've preened (he totally does inside. He caused that smile, okay?) if he didn't think that he probably did something embarrassing based on the absolute glee in Theo's reaction.

"Well," he drawls, still freakishly happy, like what in Merlin? He's a sight, yeah, bloody gorgeous, but Theo's happiness is usually in tandem with Stiles's distress, you see. It's perfectly rational to be suspicious. Then, Theo pins Stiles with a smug and satisfied look, saying, "I'm glad to know that's what amortentia potion smells like to you."

The statement gives Stiles a pause - more than a pause, he freezes - and he gapes while processing it. It doesn't take more than a few seconds for it to hit him.

Amortentia. Love potion. Today's task is Amortentia - a potion that smells different to each person, depending on what attracts them. And he's just announced that the air around him is basically marinating in Theo's bloody cologne. Salazar bloody Slytherin.

Stiles never imagined ever stooping so low but let it be known that what he does next, he will bring to his grave as his biggest disgrace.

Taking out his wand swift as lightning, he points it to himself for the easy way out. With a murmured spell, he grants his wish and knocks himself unconscious.

His idiocy is future Stiles's problem now. He'll stay bloody asleep for 15 hours straight, thank you very much.

~•~

steo a-z: part 20

[robinofinashiro]

request from anonymous: “hewwwoooo my favourite fanfic writer! i love ur ficssss so much. they keep me sane during this quarantine. may i request for a cute fic with porco and reiner chasing after the same girl (the reader)” 

note: i’m done with finals! you guys can send anything you’d like now! but sjksjksjk, i’m your fave??? but i went with the AU bc that’s what ppl have been asking for so i’m just assuming. 

request status: fully open!

pairing: porco galliard, reiner braun x fem! reader

you sat with Marcel as the two of you tried to cram for the same exam you had coming up. you were a year underneath him but you were in the honors program at the university so you almost had the same classes as he did. 

“between this exam and the project for Bio, I think my brain is going to combust,” you murmured to Marcel. he chuckled before taking a sip of his coffee, “well that and considering I heard my brother on Facetime with you until three in the morning, that could also contribute to your fatigue,” your face fell warm at the comment. 

you chucked a scrap piece of paper at hime, making him dodge it. you saw Reiner walking towards the two of you. you waved him over, his face instantly lighting up. 

“hey Braun, I thought you said you were going to skip coming to campus today?” you asked. he shook his head, sitting down next to you, almost immediately wrapping his arm around you, “nah, figured that if I didn’t come today, I wouldn’t see you until next Monday,” he mentioned. 

you saw Marcel’s face drop in slight annoyance before shaking it off. you couldn’t help but wonder what made him do that but decided not to pay too much attention. 

“that’s very flattering,” you murmured shyly. “so, what’s a cutie like yourself doing this Saturday,” he asked, “oh! I have plans with Marcel and Porco. they want to check out this restaurant a few towns over and Porco offered for me to come along,” you said excitedly. 

Reiner rolled his eyes, not happy about your plans, “why? were you planning on doing something?” you asked. Marcel immediately texted his brother to come down to the cafe. he hated to get into other peoples business, especially if it came to his hot headed brothers personal life but he knew more than anyone how you meant to him so he had to do the brother thing and notify him of Reiner’s intentions. 

“I was just wonderin’ if you wanted to come with Bertholdt, Annie, and I to ice skate, I wanted to take you as my plus one,” he stated. 

you thought for a moment. 

“well, what time are you guys planning on going? I can come after I’m done with Porco and Marcel!” you said excitedly. Reiner’s eyebrow raised as he saw Porco basically jetting down the stairs, “oh hey, Porco’s here!” you exclaimed 

Reiner remained silent, looking at the boy who was now glaring at him. the two of them continued to stare at each other, making you wonder why the air suddenly became thick. 

“uh, guys?” you said clapping your hands in front of their faces. they both instantly looked down at you, “sorry,” Reiner said bringing you to his side, “I was just thinking of something,” he spat.

Porco laughed sarcastically, “care to mention what is was, Braun?” he asked. you looked to Marcel for help, “guys, enough, let it go. Porco, you need to head home to grab your soccer gear,” Marcel said. 

the two of them brushed off the words as you placed your hand on Reiner’s shoulder, “hey, how about you come with me to class. I want to get there a bit early and I know your class is in the next hall,” you whispered, hoping they would finally end their stand off. 

“sure, I have no problem in walking you,” he said. Porco’s anger instantly rose, “I’ll come bring you lunch. I know how much you like the restaurant by my house,” you looked over to Porco, “you really don’t have too. you’re already paying for my dinner tomorrow so I can’t make you do that again,” you tried to say. 

Porco grabbed your hand, “for you, I’d do anything,” Marcel’s mouth dropped at the sudden declaration of love that was not normal coming out of his brother. Reiner on the other hand immediately retracted you from his grasp before taking your other hand, “lets go before you’re late,” he said. 

you gave Porco one final smile before walking away with Reiner. Marcel stared his brother in disbelief, not knowing what to do with what he just saw. “well, you gonna explain what I just saw?” he asked. 

Porco shook his head, “no,” and with that, he walked away. Marcel followed him, “listen, you know I’m the last to get in your business but this little competition over her has to stop. either one of you confesses and she accepts it before it goes to the shit and ends up dating someone else because of both of your immaturity,” Marcel lectured. 

“don’t you think I know that?” Porco retorted, “I’ve been fighting tooth and nail for her and I refuse to lose to Reiner of all people. plus, I heard from Pieck that she plans on choosing one of us soon so if it happens before she hangs out with Reiner on Saturday night then it’ll just be the cherry on top of it all.” 

Marcel rolled his eyes, brushing off his friend and brother immature attitude. 

+

Saturday morning finally came as you crawled out of bed. being that today was relatively the last day you had with both boys before you confessed to Reiner or Porco, you woke up with a feeling of nervousness in the pit of your stomach. 

“you ready for tonight?” Pieck said over Facetime. you shrugged, “kind of. I’m just nervous. regardless of who I actually like, the other is going to be so upset and I’m more than likely going to lose a friendship out of them,” you replied. 

she nodded understandingly, “well, do you know who really owns that heart of yours? one of them has to stand out more than the other,” she replied. “it’s hard. Reiner is such an amazing guy. he understands me in ways that Porco doesn’t. arguably, he’s been there a lot more than Porco has but Porco is just so different. he’s almost as if he’s the piece that I’m missing.” 

you growled, putting your head against the wall as she laughed, “listen, don’t stress yourself out. just see how today goes and if you happen to see that you like one more than the other, tell them right there,” you nodded as you saw Porco’s message telling you he was outside. 

you told Pieck goodbye before slipping on shoes and grabbing your bag. she could only hope that if you didn’t pick Porco, you let him down easy. she knew how Porco was, especially towards Reiner and didn’t want to be at the receiving end of the news if you told him no. 

“hey Marcel, Porco!” you said excitedly. Porco grabbed your hand softly as Marcel jokingly gagged, “be quiet. you’re just mad you don’t have anyone to be with,” Porco told him, “my date is meeting us there so fuck off,” Marcel countered.

the entire ride to the restaurant was you three just talking about whatever came up and because Porco sat in the back with you, he held your hand the entire time. every so often, he would rub your hand with his thumb making your face a bit warm. 

his grasp was very different in comparison to Reiner’s. Reiner’s hold was soft, almost like a delicate flower as Porco really held your hand as if it was the last time he’d ever get to hold it. 

“we’re here so get out my car,” Marcel said. you gave him the finger before hopping out of the so he could find parking. Porco held your hand, walking you to the small bench a bit away from the restaurant. you were confused as to why. 

“I want to talk to you about something,” he said grabbed your hand. you nodded for him to continue, “I know I’m basically fighting for you with Reiner. Ik know the two of you are close but I want you to know that I’d be the best option for you. I can give you the world and more,” he whispered before bringing you in for a kiss. 

he was lucky that the bench was so far from the restaurant as he slipped his hand on your thigh, pinching it softly. you moaned quietly at the movement but quickly enough moved back. 

“not here Porco and it’s not fair to Reiner and you know it.” 

he nodded as he let himself off you before getting up and giving you his hand. the two of you walked to the entrance of the restaurant, greeting Marcel’s date before walking in. 

+

after the dinner you walked to Marcel’s car, he had given Porco the key mentioning he’d get a ride back with his date. you sat in the passenger seat, holding his hand harder than you would be. 

the drive was eerily silent. he knew that you were now going to be with Reiner, essentially on a date with him and he had no control of what you did with him so the nervousness was bubbling up in his stomach. 

as he got the rink, he saw Reiner grabbing your pair of skates and paying for your ticket. he saw the way your face lit up at seeing him and a bit of sadness washed over him. 

“i’ll talk to you later?” you asked as he nodded. Porco kissed your hand softly before letting you out of the car and pulling out of the lot. 

you ran too Reiner, Annie, and Bertl, them saying hi almost instantly. Reiner handed you the skates as he patted the seat next to him. 

“here, I’ll tie your skates for you,” he offered, pulling your legs up. you smiled, “thank you Reiner,” you whispered. he slowly tied the skates before rubbing your legs softly, “you look amazing tonight,” he mentioned. 

you smiled, “stop, you’re just saying that,” your murmured shyly. he shook his head no, “i’m not. I’m glad you came out tonight and I want to show you that tonight is going to make up for whatever you didn’t enjoy today,” he added on. 

Reiner grabbed your hand, the one specifically Porco had kissed and brought you closer. this time, the kiss he had given you wasn’t as heated as Porco’s was. it was softer, more gentle, and nice. 

“lets go before Bertl and Annie think something happened to us,” he joked, finally pulling away. 

REINER ENDING: 

the entire time you were with Reiner, he had you within close proximity almost the entire night. singing songs in your ear as they played through the loud speaker of the rink. ‘you were meant for me’ from the movie Singing in the Rain was specifically the song he was singing. 

your face had felt warm the entire time. you found it sweet that such an old song was what he chose and knew from heart. 

Bertholdt and Annie had left the two of you a while after skating. the two of them claiming they were cold but you knew it was more of the fact that they probably wanted to give you privacy. 

“we should get going before you catch a cold,” Reiner said finally taking his skates off on the bench. he once again helped out unlace the shoes before handing them to the worker and meeting you back on the bench. 

the two of you walked to his car, him opening the door for you. upon him getting in the car, you looked over to him and smiled before reaching over and giving him a kiss. he instantly returned it, happy that his car was parked in a section with not many people looking in. 

“wait, i can’t do this, i don’t want to get my hopes up,” Reiner said trying to pull back. you sighed knowing what you were about to say would be just like word vomit, “Reiner, it’s not getting your hopes up if I’m just waiting for you to ask me out,” you whispered. 

his eyes widened, realizing what you meant. “wait, are you saying?” he asked. you nodded shyly as he practically fist pumped the air in excitement, “I’m so happy to hear those words,” he said pulling you in for another kiss. 

you let him kiss you for a while before pulling away, “I need to get home. I should text Porco,” you told him. Reiner nodded as he finally pulled out the parking lot and making his way back to your dorm. the entire time you had texted Porco. 

“I’m sorry Porco.” 

as soon as he received the message, he knew what it meant. he felt his anger rising as his hands clenched in anger. Marcel was sitting beside him as Porco stood up from the couch, leaving his phone accidentally open. he peered down to the message and sighed. 

Marcel knew you had no intentions to upset him so badly but he just felt sad at seeing his brother so upset. 

PORCO ENDING: 

you looked too Reiner and nervously smiled at him, “hey Reiner, do you think you can take me back to my dorm?” you asked. a part of him felt the shift in the air as you couldn’t really look at him anymore. 

Reiner was starting to connect the dots as you were silent through the drive home. you were holding his hand but not the way you would be and trying to make conversation but couldn’t keep it up. 

once you got back to your dorm building, you got out, Reiner walking you to the empty back entrance. you held his hand as you stood in front of him. “you don’t have to tell me, I can tell,” he told you, now holding both your hands, “i know but I feel so bad,” you murmured. 

Reiner shook his head no, “don’t. the world was meant for us just to be friends and as long as I’m able to be your friend, that’s all I ask,” you nodded as he placed on final kiss on the top of your head before giving you a small goodbye. 

you looked to your phone and texted Porco wondering if he could meet you at your dorm. you made your way to your room, kicking your shoes off and pulling on a hoodie and shorts. 

getting a response that he was downstairs, you walked down slowly, seeing him holding something in his hand. you opened the door as you stood in front of him and smiled. 

“how are you?” he asked softly, “fine, glad you wanted to meet me this late,” you responded. Porco laughed as he grabbed your hand, “always,” he replied. 

you pulled him in for a hug, surprising him a bit, “I hate to say it this way but I want you,” you managed to say. Porco’s mouth dropped a bit before he picked you up and spun you around, “seriously?” he asked. 

you nodded as he brought you down for a kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck. the two of you remained that way before you finally pulled away and looked at him with a soft smile. 

“you have no idea how happy that makes me. can i just cuddle you for a while?” he asked. you nodded as you opened the door and let him practically let him carry you in. 

[theotherace]

Fic Recs: Taang

I’ve made two or three rec lists over the past few months, but I thought I’d make a proper, comprehensive one that’s easy to add to in the future. Not all of these are exclusively Taang, but they all feature the ship to some degree. I will only recommend one or two stories per author, but some profiles are definitely worth checking out further. So! Here goes.

Multi-Chapter, Complete

Whisper Into the Sky by damagectrl – Toph has two choices: Go home and get married or have the family fortune and her inheritance given to a stranger. Her problem: She wants to keep her ties to her family, but is quite content traveling with Aang. Her solution: Fight her way through suitors for her freedom. Literally. | General 

The Slow Path by Tazmainian Devil – Eight years after the fall of Ozai, Aang returns to the friends he left behind. | T

A Matter of Honor by Adridere – Almost 4 years after the war. Aang is engaged to Katara and is up to Zuko to teach him the facts of life. Yep, the bees and the birds. Crazy kings, bananas and the ultimate contest for the hand of a reluctant maiden. | M

Roommates by breeeliss – An unlikely tale of two unlikely people being forced to live together under unlikely circumstances.| Modern AU | T

Fall of the White Lotus by Boo-82 – Three years after the war Zuko is living a life of duty while Katara reluctantly travels the world with Aang. So, when General Iroh orders them to find Zuko’s mother and save his Order they seize the opportunity with both hands. It’s the beginning of an adventurous journey of discovery, but as time runs out a rising threat puts their bond to the test. | T

Half Asleep by The Crushinator – Five years after the Hundred-Year War, Fire Lord Zuko is hit with an assassin’s dart, and falls into a coma from which he cannot wake. A week passes, and his prognosis is grim. But Katara could swear she hears him in her dreams… | T

Yaaburnee by aviatordame – Avatars aren't meant to belong – that's as much as Aang can fathom. | M

Getting Lucky by roca-dos – Crazy things happen in college every day. | Modern AU | T 

All Fall Down by DJNS  – Aang copes with a tragic loss and finds renewed hope in an unexpected place. | M | Warning for Major Character Death

The Princess & the Badger-Cat by panaili – In a land never torn apart by the Hundred Year War, the sixteen-year-old Avatar Aang is trying his best to keep the balance between the four nations, including the increasingly antagonistic Fire Nation, which, despite his friendship with the Crown Prince Zuko, refuses to acknowledge him. Elsewhere, Sokka and Katara have been separated on their quest to find their missing father, and Sokka, pursued by the same bandits who kidnapped his sister, finds himself on the balcony of some rich girl’s house in Gaoling. Oh, and a sorcerer has turned him into a badger-cat. It’s just one of those days. | Teen and Up

Reborn by Jakia – Life. Death. Rebirth. This is the cycle that all spirits must abide to, even the Avatar. Aang and Toph face death and the reincarnation cycle. | T

New Girl by tiffaniesblews – After coming home early from a business trip, all Katara wanted to do was surprise her boyfriend, Jet. Imagine her surprise when she got home and Jet was in bed with another woman. Not wanting to live with her ex, and unable to live with her best friend, Suki, Katara takes her brother Sokka's offer to move into his loft with his two roommates. Aang is perky and sweet, the owner of a st. Bernard and a cat, who's often confused about his direction in life. Zuko, on the other hand, is a closed-off bartender, who takes some time opening up to others.The four could not be more different, and yet? They work out perfectly. Even if Katara's feelings for Zuko get a bit more complicated as time goes on. | Modern AU | Mature 

The Ties That Bind series by LdyKirin – An exploration of the ties that bind for good and ill. Toph and Zuko are both shaped by the family they were born to and the family they choose. Lots of found family feels. | T

What Happens In Kyoshi by BlackVelvetBand – Prince Zuko, and the GAang take a vacation on Kyoshi Island. Flirting, fighting, and embarrasment ensue as Sokka takes it upon himself to defend Katara's virtue...in a dress? A short,chaptered fic featuring Zutara, Sokki, and Taang. | T

Under the Night Sky by mycomfortblanket – Aang hears the chattering of teeth during a cold night. Was an AU that I found on tumblr that I made fit into this story. Orginal prompt: "We have to go camping together and share a sleeping bag even though we are complete strangers | General

On The Precipice by JoyDragon – They’re just best friends. Or maybe they’re teetering on the edge of being something more. | General

Oneshots, Complete

Air and Stone by Wolvenfire86 – A few Taang stories munched together. My first submissions. I hope everyone likes them. Please review, it makes me feel special. | K+

Taang Week 2020 series by teabagginses | Teen and Up & Mature

Our Little Secret by IrisPlumeria – Toph and Aang, sat next to one another dressed in their finest under paper lanterns and surrounded by copious amounts of food and friends, cringed at the disgusting noises coming out of Sokka’s nostrils as he blew his nose into Suki’s handkerchief. “I can’t believe two of my best friends are finally married!” Sokka sobbed, earning a supportive pat on the back from Suki, who didn’t flinch at the snot coming out of his nose. “I’m so happy for you guys!” Toph and Aang's family are happy for their nuptials, but will they be able to survive their wedding party without letting slip a big secret?Written for Taang Week 2020 - Tradition. | General 

All Roads Lead To Ba Sing Se by irisbleufic – "I was thinking," [Mai] said, tucking her last remaining dagger into her belt as she strode to meet him, "that it's about time I let Fire Lord Zuko know that I quit." When Kuei smiled at her, she could see the sunshine at which she once cringed."Notice that's six years overdue is better than none at all." "Indeed," said the Earth Queen, and grinned at him. | Teen And Up

Lady Fu’s Fortune Telling by Lady Cleo – Katara and Toph visit the local fortuneteller to get their fortunes told. Added a part two with Zuko and Aang. | T

The Perfect Companion by Morna – Aang seeks comfort outside of the arms of his wife, Katara. Taang, slightly lemony. | T

Box by JoeMerl – Written for Taang Week, one-shot. Toph ticks off Bumi, but Aang is willing to fight his old friend tooth and nail to get her out of trouble. Humor, light romance. | K+

2 am by shmulia – Whoever set off the fire alarm at 2 in the morning is on Katara's shit list. Even if he is hot and shirtless. | Modern AU | K

And its sequel, 11:45 – House parties aren't Katara's thing. Sokka's drunk, Suki's on a mission to set her up, and Toph is... well, Toph. But for every cloud there's a silver lining, and for Katara it comes in the form of a second chance with her neighbour... | Modern AU | T 

Treat by PsychEmpress – She felt the corners of her own lips quirk as he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. “Consider this my treat,” he said and Toph allowed a smile to break out. OR In which Toph is a stressed architecture student who gets a free cup of coffee from the handsome waiter after she helps his friend. Taang. Mentions of Sukka. | Modern AU | T

Sawaru by metacognitive – This love is simple. Non-Korra compliant. | K+

Newlyweds (and basically everything else) by PandaCookie – Everyone’s a bit hopeless right after they’ve been married. | K+

Rhythms by xcgirl08– For now, though, her child’s heartbeat was hers to contemplate. | K 

Tenderness by Adridere – He wanted to keep her, even though he was not supposed to. He promised her freedom, and she promised him sanity in his own household. She kept her part of the bargain, but he found a way not to keep his. | M

Holy Matrimony by Loopy – After their marriage, Zuko and Katara deal with conflicting religious beliefs, and look to the friends for advice. Between the Zutara and the religious satire, every single person who reads this should feel offended. | General

Blind Maiden’s Grace by Adara_Rose – You can learn a lot of things from a flower… | Not Rated (I’d say General) 

Etched in the Earth by Dance_Elle_Dance – She knows the feel of Aang’s footprints better than her own, and that reality scares her. | Teen and Up

No One Asks About The Scars by voleuse – Write about how you learned to curse in order not to be cursed. | General

When in Rome by dtmars – She wasn’t stupid. She knew what she was doing and what she was getting herself into. They both did. | Modern AU. | Explicit

Like Real People Do by DerAndere – The moon is full and bright when he falls out of bed, awake, asleep, inside a dream, and starts walking, driven by the feeling he does not understand, tugging on him relentlessly, and he is Aang, and he is not, and the world is cold. | General | Full Disclosure: This is my story.

Meet Me Under The Table by avatarfan16 – A story of how Toph and Aang find love, in the most unusual of places. TAANG | K+

Aftermath by Zaram'delar – In any celebration, there's always one or two people with a habit of disappearing. Taang drabbleish series. | T

I Choose Dare by for_darkness_shows_the_stars – An ode to how Aang, under the power of a mighty temptress, was forced to grow a beard. Oh, and the birth of his first child, too, he supposes. | General Audiences

Multi-Chapter, In Progress

Heartbeat by AngelicBee – Avatar Aang's soulmate probably died 100 years before, but he can't help but feel she's closer than he thinks. | Teen and Up

a mighty ocean (or a gentle kiss) by poweradequeen – no, the title doesn’t make sense but i don’t care. i couldn’t think of one so now you’re stuck with a cheesy line from two by sleeping at last.it’s a taang fine arts university au. because i said so. | Teen and Up

Neither is Love a Cage by cali-chan – Love is the freedom of flying accompanied. It is letting be without possessing. PG-13 (possibly M later on), drama/romance/angst, Zuko/Katara + Aang/Toph, post-finale but diverges before LoK canon.

Operation: Zutara (REVAMPED) by dtmars – Everyone could see that those two were in love with each other. Everyone except for them. So Toph takes the initiative and fills in for Cupid to give them a little push, while Aang just tags along for the ride. | Teen and Up

Taang One Shots by stitch1830 – A collection of short stories about Toph and Aang that I've had saved in my notes for a few months. Stories are in the ATLA/LOK universe (not canon compliant), and typically revolve around their relationship and family. | Teen and Up

[mercuryislove]

Don’t hate me but… I kinda want you to answer all of the deep dive WIP asks 🥺 if that’s unreasonable tho, just 2, 9, and 10 please!

I am SORRY for the delay!!! i answered every question for BOTH projects so you're in for like.... several thousand words of shit that makes absolutely no sense, but i hope you you enjoy it! :)

1. Who are two characters that don't like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?

White Crane: okay this is hard because like. so many people do not like each other. (I know I made a post once about how terrible it would be to be one of twenty-eight people that have the power of dead gods but are trapped in stupid human bodies and you're all a thousand years old and hate each other so so so so so much because you all SUCK.) But for the sake of simplicity, I will talk about Ciaran and Sihla who never got along but only played nice to keep Anwei happy. They absolutely do NOT put aside their differences lmao once everything kind of, um, blows up between the three of them, all they want to do is KILL each other. She makes it her life's goal to make him suffer, and he basically loses his sanity in the process of trying to find a way to kill her for good. The beef is unbelievable. ANYWAY, what they reveal about each other is that Ciaran is not nearly as innocent in anything as he likes to pretend and Sihla is not as guilty as everyone says she is. I mean, she is still a terrible person in many ways, but that does not excuse the things he did to her all those years ago. She hates him for many, many good reasons.

Old Blood: Andhira HATES the entire Ekion family, but specifically the oldest son (who does not have an official name yet.... oops). He doesn't much care for her either but is usually too busy trying to better his social standing to worry too much about her. Except when they're in the same room together (which happens semi-regularly because her brother is kind of in love with him lmao). They hate each other for the exact same reason and it's that they're both SO arrogant. They look down on everyone around them (which in Andhira's case is like. fair. She's the firstborn of the two most powerful people on the planet, and the only person that comes close to that level of power is her twin brother who was born a mere fourteen minutes after her) but think the other is completely unjustified in their actions. Really all it reveals to a reader is that they both kind of suck and need to get over themselves because all that behavior does is make people resent you. They only put aside their differences because she does kind of need his help once or twice, but they would gladly spit in each other's face and/or push each other down a flight of stairs in the name of pettiness.

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2. What do you hope your readers will take away from your wip? Is there an intentional theme to the story?

These can be answered together! I started writing these stories because I wanted to have fun but they've both kind of morphed into a long-winded way of saying that like. it's okay to be messed up and hate yourself and have major internal struggles because there are people who still love you. I KNOW it doesn't sound like that from uhhhhhh literally everything I've ever said about this stuff but bear with me. The BIG theme is that love is EVERYTHING. All kinds of love. It's the reason to keep on going. You are never alone, even strangers can love you in their own way, etc etc etc etc. Also gay love fucking prevails always and forever.

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3. What do you love most about your protagonist?

Yixing is funny and weird and definitely a horse girl and he kind of sucks sometimes because he's stubborn as hell and has terrible people skills and maybe also a drinking problem, but he is kind and empathetic and despite the absolute hell he's lived through, he still sees the good in people and knows that it's easy to make mistakes and that most people deserve second chances in life. Also I like him because he is without a doubt the ideal man and I made him that way on purpose. And god I wish we could drink together. I'm talking stumbling drunk, crying on the bathroom floor, please-hold-my-hair-i'm-about-to-throw-up kind of drinking. We would have a great time being stupid together I think.

Vera is resilient and mean and stubborn and cold and off-putting and hard to get to know, and she sucks for those reasons but it's also why I love her so much. She has also lived through hell and it didn't make her try to see the good in people like Yixing does. It just made her bitter and resentful. She warms up over time, but she fights tooth and nail against it. I also love her so much because she is the archetype of like. the washed up former prodigy that has to return sort of against her will to her old life, and she realizes that she misses it in some ways but also remembers exactly why she left. I would Not want to drink with her (because she doesn't drink anymore), but I would love to take one of her art classes.

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4. Is there anything in the story that is implied but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?

White Crane: This is hard because I'm so invested in my own shit that it feels obvious to me, but I try to lay out a little candy trail that tells the reader that Ciaran and Anwei are Not What They Seem right from the start. It’s hard to explain without specific examples but it’s in the way they talk, they way they interact with other people, the way certain things they say don’t line up, etc etc etc. And there is a Big Hint of what will happen to Ciaran in the second and third installment, but idk if that counts. Also there are definitely implications that Yixing is trans but that's neither here nor there (honestly I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not he should be explicitly trans or if it should be left to reader interpretation because well... I don’t know if I'm capable of writing the nuance of transness because I'm not trans despite my complex and confusing relationship with gender but I'm also not a thirty-something year old Asian man NOR am I a god NOR am I a former vampire hunter NOR am I like. any of the things I write about other than a mean lesbian so. who knows?)

Old Blood: TRUE FANS already know this one, but regular degular readers that haven't participated in funny question friday or read my random late night posting would not immediately know that Josef and the Sovereign were once involved. Basically the only characters in the story that know are Josef, Luka, the Sovereign himself, and Tahire. But there are definitely some hints peppered throughout conversations and perhaps some photos and trinkets that Josef has kept after all this time... It has like no weight on the events of the story but I just think it's fun. Once again I am way too invested to know if it's easy to pick up on or not but I think it takes some theorizing about maybe? Other than that there aren’t any significant secrets.

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5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does the backstory affect the narrative?

White Crane: this is unfair because some of the characters are almost a thousand years old and some of them are like. 35. I DO have a full timeline written out of the thousand years of history that Ciaran and Anwei have lived through, if that counts as an answer. Like it doesn't have every single day and year, but it has all the big events for sure. Barring that, Yixing definitely has a pretty complex backstory. The man gets around lol and I try (and maybe fail?) to make him seem not too complex initially but then things get revealed and you learn more about him and are like “oh my god no wonder this man has Problems.” Also if he was like. “normal” and perhaps “well-adjusted” the story would not exist at all because he is the way he is and makes some of the stupid decisions he does because of his weird little life.

Old Blood: ONCE AGAIN, this is unfair because the Sovereign is like older than god. And Vera is 37. But like. I haven't fleshed him or any of the old ass vampires out nearly as much as Vera so there's your answer I guess? And I guess the important things are known from the start (that she was a prodigy, that she retired because terrible shit happened and she couldn't handle it, that she suffers from significant ptsd because of it, etc), but there is a lot of detail that doesn't come out until much later when she has to confront her Feelings (ewww feelings). Uh... the backstory affects the narrative because it wouldn't exist at all if Vera wasn't plagued by her fucked up blood nightmares lol

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6. Which two characters have the most complicated relationship? How does their relationship develop over time?

White Crane: Ciaran and Anwei totally. They love each other because they're brother and sister and were all the other had for a VERY long time (and even when they were still uh mortal, they relied on each other constantly), but also they hate each other because they're brother and sister. You know how it is with siblings. I love my brother and sister to pieces but I can't imagine being immortal and having to put up with the both of them for all eternity (sorry guys if you are reading this somehow.... I love you but we are all so annoying god bless). They handled their newfound godhood very, very, very differently and it kind of colors their relationship for the rest of time. There were times where they were extremely codependent and other times where they didn't speak to each other for DECADES. At the start of our story, they're on much better terms and have buried all their hatchets, but it doesn't take much for that to change....

Old Blood: Probably Vera and Andhira? They're only brought together because of their shared fucked up blood nightmares, and neither of them like that thought. They both resent the other for everything they are, and Vera is pretty much completely hostile to Andhira about it for a long time (and Andhira is only just barely cordial lol), but obviously a significant part of the plot revolves around them like. falling in love so they DO get over it after a while :)

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7. What is the most heart-wrenching scene in your wip? Why?

White Crane: When Yixing fucking DIES. I feel like this one should be self-explanatory. But I mean if you would like further explanation, it's unpleasant and slow and agonizing and nobody can do anything to stop it (haha....... unless?) so Ciaran gets to hold him for a long time and feel really bad about it lol

Old Blood: idk if there are any really heart-wrenching scenes but there are definitely some miserable and uncomfortable scenes like where Vera relives in vivid detail the days that she witnessed the gruesome deaths of her young apprentice and her last lover. They're upsetting because those are the two days that basically ruined her life (and one was the final straw that sent her spiraling completely out of control) and it's painful to watch her have to live with the guilt of what happened even if it wasn't her fault.

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8. What is a song that you associate with your wip? Explain.

White Crane: not to be basic but absolutely without a doubt in my stupid mind “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears lol it's because uh. well. Everybody wants to rule the world right? Basically way back in 2019 when I was crafting the ideas for the dnd campaign that became this thing instead, I was definitely having a metal gear moment (honestly I’m about to have a metal gear moment NOW lol) and was listening to a lot of like. mgs adjacent music and latched onto this song (and also promises, promises by naked eyes lmao) as some like thematic element. Like my brain making amvs. You know how it is. ANYWAY the point is. The concept was originally way different and was supposed to be more about the immediate aftermath of the so-called end of the world (yes Yixing was still there and yes he was still just some guy), and it focused a lot more on power struggles between all of these insane people that were granted godhood in the wake of the dying world. Which........ is something I'd like to write about at some point because it's intriguing in its own way but at the time I was unequipped to write about that when I really just wanted to write about people who are, for all intents and purposes, quite average getting caught up in the batshit drama of higher powers. (fun fact: Ciaran was supposed to be a tyrant king that ran a death cult and Anwei and Yixing were working together to figure out a way to kill him. Which is. Kind of what my dnd campaign is like now lol BASICALLY he's like if Big Boss was unkillable and could also rip souls out of people's bodies and eat them. I absolutely do not remember what this question originally was. Something about a song?)

Old Blood: THIS is the reason it took me so long to answer this whole thing. I thought long and hard and looked through all my playlists and listened to random songs that came to mind but it turns out the song I was looking for was right in front of me the whole time. DUH. It's “Golden Light” by Twin Shadow :) In my humble homo interpretation, I think it's a song about being afraid to fall in love and. Well. That's the whole point. Also #spoilers but the first time Vera sees Andhira and is like “oops I think I have feelings” is when they've just arrived at Andhira's home and the sun is rising and she looks over at her as they stand at the top of a hill and she has her eyes closed to the sun and she's bathed in golden light and OOUGGGGHGHHH poetic cinema. (honorable mention goes to “Groove is in the Heart” by Deee-lite because it’s quintessential early 90s music that Vera would be super into)

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9. What does your protagonist want most? What would they do to achieve this? What is something they wouldn't do to achieve this?

White Crane: Yixing wants to be happy for once. Like actually really happy instead of just. getting by. There's a scene where they're making wishes for the next seasons during the summer solstice and someone asks what he wants and he's like “uh I guess I want to still be alive at the end of the year?” and the other person is like “isn't that what everyone wants? Raise the fucking bar please. What do you REALLY want?” and he's stands there for a really long time and thinks about it before finally saying “I think I just want to be happy for once” and everyone else is like. wow. Way to kill the fucking mood dude. Anyway. He has had fleeting moments of happiness in his life but wants nothing more than to feel that way forever. It's kind of hard to say what he wouldn't do for that because like. there's not really much you CAN do in the first place, so I feel like there's even less you couldn't do. I guess he wouldn't like sell his soul to the devil or something lmao (though by being involved with Ciaran he's pretty much halfway there)

Old Blood: to be left alone. Vera just wants a normal life. She really truly does want to pretend that none of the horrible shit happened to her and that she was never a world-famous hunter. And she wants to teach art classes and live a quiet life!!! I mean, she is already mostly doing that exact thing when we first meet her, but obviously she has some hindrances (aka fucked up blood nightmares). She is begrudgingly helping Andhira because she assumes that will fix her problem and that she'll be able to get to that quiet living as soon as all is said and done. The only thing she really wouldn't do to get what she wants is like... live somewhere far away from Josef and Luka lol She likes having them close by more than she wants to be left alone.

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10. Within your story's world, were there any events that impacted every character (or most characters)? How would they be different if this event never happened? (Alternatively, erase an important even from on character's backstory and imagine where they'd be now.)

White Crane: well. If the stupid old gods didn't all kill themselves and almost end the world then I guess none of this story would exist lol But the actual answer is like. If Yixing had never run out on his girlfriend of ten years then he wouldn't have moved across the continent to Jengmi and wouldn't have made a name for himself way out there and wouldn't have been scouted and recruited and wouldn't have met Ciaran or Anwei and wouldn't have gotten in the middle of the batshit grudge between a bunch of ancient petty gay people and wouldn't have DIED and wouldn't have made one of the ancient petty gay people in particular lose his grip on his humanity via a lust for power in a desperate attempt to guarantee his safety and wouldn't have been the reason that tens of thousands of people die in his name and wouldn't have accidentally set off a chain of events that resulted in him having to hunt down and kill the Actual God that started it all in a fit of jealous rage. So like. maybe he should have just gone through with the wedding. All things considered, his life would have been way less stressful.

Old Blood: uhhh, that's tough because the stuff that happens only really has any effect on the mortal characters (I mean yeah people still try to kill the Sovereign but they're too dumb to know the ACTUAL way to kill him.... haha unless??), so it would be more like a what if Vera didn't witness the violent deaths of both her apprentice and her lover and have a full blown nervous breakdown and abandon her career? Well...... I think most things in the plot would transpire more or less the same, except she would be WAY less pissed off about it. In fact, she would probably be hyped as hell to get the chance to make the acquaintance of the Sovereign's family like Josef had before her. The thought of Vera being upbeat and not a sleep-deprived asshole that hates being dragged back to her old life..... ew. Not that I enjoy her suffering but you know what I mean. It just wouldn't be the same.

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11. What is something from your wip that you just really want to ramble about?

Are you sure you're ready for this. This is going to be so so so so long I'm sorry in advance. It's Saturday night and I'm alone and kind of sad so I'm just going to let loose.

As I hone down plot elements for next two installments in my little trilogy, I have kind of become obsessed with the passage of time and how different it must feel to someone that, well, lives forever. One of the ways I'd written (that has since been kind of changed) for Yixing to start to figure out what Ciaran really is was that he would casually be looking through his bookshelf and find an old photograph of Ciaran, Anwei, and their mom standing backstage together after one of his performances. And when he eventually asks Ciaran about it, he gets upset because how dare you touch the one thing I have left to remember my mother? To remember what my life used to be like? There are so many names and faces and places and foods and sensations that I've forgotten in the 940 years I've lived like this and I would give anything I have to see any of it just one more time because I didn't know that the last time I would ever speak to my mom we would have an argument on the phone about how I need to go to the temple and pray for good fortune on my birthday, or that the last time I would ever see my best friend would be at 6am when we both came into the studio to practice and he asked me to go out to breakfast and I said no because I thought a nap would be more important. And there are so many people that I've watched die whose names I never learned and whose faces I forgot the moment I turned away, and there are so many others that I loved so dearly that I had to leave behind because they grew old and I didn't. And I have lived lifetimes in solitude to keep myself a secret from other people and I have died more than any person should ever have to die and I have witnessed atrocities no one should ever witness and I hate everything about this life so much but I love everything about this life so much and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think I would give it all away in an instant if only to remember the scent of my mother's favorite perfume and I think I would give it all away in an instant if it meant I didn't have to watch you turn to dust in my arms.

ANYWAY. I think a lot about the agony of loving things that aren't permanent and how it really DOES drive you mad because lately I have been unbelievably nostalgic for certain things that weren't even that long ago but..... I didn't appreciate them at the time and I feel so guilty about it. (And like. I too would give up my entire life to be able to remember the scent of my grandmother's favorite perfume.) And all my pent-up sadness is for things that only happened in my childhood. I have pictures and videos and other people to share those memories with, but what does it feel like to be one of very few people that watched the entire world fall apart and rebuild itself and have nothing to hold onto from that time? What does it feel like to foster dozens of generations of children and outlive every single one of them? What does it feel like to have only fragments of memories of entire lifetimes? How lonely is it? I mean, Ciaran and Anwei have each other and that makes a difference but it still has to be the most isolating feeling. And then there's the pain that comes with memories that have faded or otherwise become hazy. I doubt either of them remember their father's face. They hadn't seen him in years even before it all happened. If it wasn't for that single photo he has, they wouldn't remember their mother's face either. Do they still remember her name? Or her birthday? Do they remember anyone else? Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers? If they do, do they even want to talk about it? One thing I worry about in my own life (and this is how I know I have Problems) is that I'm so afraid that talking about memories will alter them somehow. There are so many things that I don't even like to share because once the words are spoken the little vhs tape that has all my memories has been recorded over, even if it's just by a single frame. Something about it has been changed forever each time I talk about it. Do they feel the same way and keep things to themselves instead of sharing the sadness? I think maybe they used to talk about the “old days” or whatever much more often back in the past, but as the years went by.... they just learned to keep it to themselves.

I think maybe I have a lot of anxiety about the passage of time and of being forgotten!

Anyway again. The passage of time drives me insane. And I think it would make me even more insane if I had been chosen to carry the mantle of a dead god and would live forever. My dog died a year ago and I still cry like every single day thinking about her. If I was doomed to live forever I don't know how the sadness wouldn't swallow me whole! No wonder all the people in this book are fucking CRAZY!!

And don't even get me started on the Sovereign lol he's like “oh boo-hoo you've lived for not even a thousand years? Bitch they hadn't invented fucking GLASS yet when I was born. The horse wasn't domesticated yet. Cry harder!!”

[ladynyctophilia]

Thrones and Nails 

Mature themes 

Poppy x MC (Lauren Hughes)

Author's note: I might fuck around and continue this? Shit. I have to be at work in two hours. Adulting. Cheers. ;) 

Edit: Poppy is irredeemable 🥺

Poppy's empire was collapsing right before her eyes. Even her followers were beginning to have doubts, and that made Poppy see red. She didn't fight tooth and nail for some wannabe, midwestern to steal her throne. Paranoia was her only friend. Stressed, Poppy closed her eyes against the deep ache. 

Hughes is just a new, shiny toy for The T to play with. 

Poppy reminded herself. 

Give it a month. No one will remember Lauren after midterms. 

"Where are you going?" 

Poppy jumped, turning to the voice like she had just been caught in the act of arson. Again. Ah, it was Chloe. Her eyes softened. 

"Poppy," Chloe took a step forward, "It's kind of late for a drive..." she gestured to the keys, gripped tight in Poppy's hands. If Chloe was trying to hide the worry from her eyes, she wasn't doing a very good job. 

Oh. Poppy blinked, doing a double-take between Chloe and her keys. For a brief second, caught off guard, her brown eyes were soft, but they hardened as soon as she regained her composure. Sorry, Chloe, these walls don't break for anyone, baby. 

I don't need to explain myself to her. 

Poppy turned, slinging this week's designer purse over her shoulder. "Who are you, my mom?" Poppy scoffed, not looking back to her second in command as she headed out the door. "Don't wait up on me." Cold, but when the door shut, Poppy stopped, hesitating. She could feel the warmth of Chloes' concern from a mile away, and a small part of her wanted to turn around and welcome her friends embrace, but with a sigh, she tore herself from the house and hopped into her million dollar car that was only driven for show. The queen had a war to fight, and this upcoming battle she needed to do alone. So with the ignition of her car roaring beneath her foot, Poppy adjusted the mirror to look at herself. One last check before the battle. 

Perfection. How could anyone be more beautiful than you?

She thought with a smirk, but a face came to mind. Lauren Hughes. That bitch. She glanced at the passenger seat. In a few minutes, Lauren would be sitting there. "So be it," she declared, shifting into drive to pick up the newest enemy to her collection.

With living on campus and all, the drive was only five minutes, but for Poppy, it felt much longer than that. Why was she so nervous? Hughes was nothing. NOTHING. A worm soon to be dried. Her hands tightened around the steering wheel in a white-knuckled grip—that poor steering wheel. On many occasions, Poppy had mistaken it for Lauren's throat. 

Poppy stopped, putting the car in park. Shit. What was she doing? If anyone saw them together, she would be ruined. RUINED. She should leave. OKAY. She was going to leave, but when  Poppy reached for the shift, there was a knock on her window. It was Lauren. Flustered, Poppy spared a cold glance at her before unlocking the door. 

"Nice ride," Lauren said smoothly, taking a seat with that all too charming midwestern persona of hers. Poppy wanted to puke. What was the name of that back watered town of hers? Ah yes. Weston. 

"Don't get used to it, Weston," Poppy snapped, but it wasn't as snarky as she wanted it to be. 

"Try and stop me," Lauren challenged, making a great effort to be the most infuriating person on the planet as she basically melted into the seats, not caring to buckle her seat belt. 

Poppy rolled her eyes so hard it hurt. She hated Lauren. From her clever mouth to her ridiculously good looking face. Seriously. How can it be legal for midwesterners to look that good? It just made Poppy even more irritated. At first, her little act was cute, but now it was just god damn annoying.

"Buckle your seat belt. This isn't Ohio where you can get away with riding in a tailgate like a heathen," Poppy said, staring so hard at the sidewalk that it might crack. Anything to keep her gaze off the other woman. She was impatient. At any second, someone could see them. 

Lauren sighed but put on the seatbelt. "You're aware that the midwest is more than just Ohio, right?" 

"Whatever," Poppy responded, shifting into drive as soon as she heard Lauren's seat belt click. Debating about the midwest wasn't worth her time, and they needed to get off-campus. NOW. 

"Hm," Lauren hummed, staring out the window. "So, is this where you drive me to my death and take me to your murder cabin?" 

"Don't tempt me," Poppy muttered under her breath, not expecting her to hear. 

"Ah," Lauren's cunning smile brightened the car, "so you DO have a murder cabin," the midwestern sat back, now pleased with herself. "I knew it." 

Poppy shot Lauren a well-practiced glare, one that made her secretary, Trish, piss herself. God. How she loathed this woman, but Poppy surprised herself by suppressing a smile from showing. Oh, the games these two played. If Hughes wasn't so fixated on HER throne, they could have been great allies. Another potential Chloe. What a fucking waste, but after shooting that signature Poppy Min Sinclair glare, Lauren took the hint and didn't dare to open her mouth again. Bring on the awkward silence. Yay. 

They had been driving for thirty minutes now, and eventually, the city turned into the suburbs. Poppy was taking no chances, especially with The T lurking around every corner on campus and around. However, every now and then, Poppy would glance over at Lauren and then pretend she wasn't looking when Lauren caught her staring. That Zoey knew her fashion. Even Poppy could admit that. Lauren wasn't wearing anything special tonight, but her outfit was snugged in all the right places, even if they were on the more comfortable side. She was tempted to make a comment, but didn't and just kept her focus on the road. A small part of Poppy wanted to reach out and touch those thick, brown locks of Laurens and ask if they were natural.

STOP!!!

Her whole body malfunctioned. What was she thinking?? 

NO! Stop thinking. No thinking. 

And that's what Poppy did. No thinking. She just shoved all those unwanted thoughts that made her an average human being away, and everything was fine. They weren't on this drive to discuss fashion or talk like they were buddies. No. They were enemies, and after that outburst at the football game, the war had been declared. She couldn't let herself lose control like that. NEVER. AGAIN. And the source of that outburst was sitting right next to her. 

Bitch.

Poppy thought bitterly to herself as she pulled into a public parking lot. 

Besides them, the parking lot was empty, and they were far from campus. Finally, they could talk without an audience. No show. Just words. She turned off the car, and together, they sat in silence, waiting for the other to speak up. Lauren spoke first. 

"So…" she began, pushing that thick mane of hers out of her brown eyes. "Is this your way of offering peace...?" she asked with hesitance, turning to look at Poppy, "Is our feud over?"

Poppy took her hands off the steering wheel and shrugged. "I don't know. Are you going to step back down to your place?" 

Lauren curled her lip up in displeasure. "Fuck no." 

Poppy squeezed her eyes shut at that answer. Of fucking course. "Then, no. Hughes," Poppy shouted, locking her eyes with Lauren. 

Bitch, come at me. 

"It's not over, and this isn't a peace offering," she gestures to the car, "THIS is a warning, the last chance for you to back out without being humiliated by The T," Poppy says, still refusing to look at Lauren. "It's okay. Truly. I know you are tired, and if you back out now, I will let you stay in the top fifteen. Consider it a gift for making it this far." Poppy was stiff in her seat, words dropping like bricks, and all Lauren could do was take it. In Poppy's eyes, this was a mercy. Lauren should be grateful. 

There was a pause from Lauren's end. She was thinking. Good. Poppy relaxed a bit in her seat. Perhaps this pathetic attempt for power was over.

Lauren began to laugh. 

WTF???

Poppy's attention snapped back to her in both disbelief and irritation. 

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lauren finally spoke, brown eyes darkening with something Poppy didn't recognize. And then the unexpected happened, and Lauren leaned over so that they were nose to nose. Poppy felt her heart skip a beat, but her face remained stone, refusing to back down from whatever challenge Lauren was about to throw in her face. "You are threatened by me," Lauren dared to say, smirking as her words lingered between their lips. "You made an effort to get me alone, for what? A last desperate attempt to flex your power on me? Please." She pressed in harder, causing Poppy to feel cornered in her own car. "Honey, you lost your power when I stepped foot on campus." 

OH. There it was. The last of Poppy's self control out the window. It all happened so fast. Poppy didn't even remember it. All she was left with was a stinging sensation in her palm, and when she looked up, Lauren was nursing her cheek. She just slapped Lauren. Stunned for a second, Poppy stared at her hand in disbelief. Did she regret it? HELL NO!  

"You bitch," Lauren breathed out, wiping the blood off her cheek. A parting gift from Poppy's manicured nails. 

"That's right," Poppy smirked, rubbing her hands with hand sanitizer now. "Sorry, I don't know where you've been with you opening your legs around campus like you do." 

It was instinct. The second those words fell from her lips, Poppy threw the hand sanitizer at Lauren, unbuckled her seatbelt, and practically fell out of the car before Lauren could grab her. Her dress was ruined, but Poppy had no time to complain as she scrambled to her feet and sprinted away from the feral Lauren screaming. Shit. Lauren was right. These heels would never outrun the haters. She didn't even make it ten feet before Lauren chased and tackled her to the ground. 

"HEATHEN!!!!" Poppy screamed as she went down, but by some miracle, Poppy managed to roll and escape Lauren. She turned around, picked up her heel, and pointed the sharp end at Lauren. "Stay back," she threatened, wide-eyed. Yep. Poppy would totally stab someone with her heel. 

Lauren blinked, taken back by Poppy's weapon of choice. "Seriously?" She laughed, pushing the heel out of her face. "You think you could take me on with your heel? That's so pathetically cute." 

Poppy glared at her, speaking without thinking. "I can't decide if I want to fuck or kill you." 

They both froze, and then a smirk slowly formed on Lauren's lips. 

"Oh?" Lauren stepped into her space. "Baby," she lifts her chin up, "don't threaten me with a good time." 

She smacks her hand away. "Hands off Hughes. Not everyone wants your herpes." 

"But they are the best kind of herpes." Lauren clapped back with a wink. 

Damn her beautiful smile. 

"See? I knew you were obsessed with me." 

Poppy didn't respond to that. Instead, she turned and walked towards the car. "We are finished here. Now get your ass in the car before I-" She squealed as her heel snapped, but instead of falling on the ground, Poppy landed right into Lauren's arms. 

"Damn, you have to stop falling for me." Lauren smiled down at her, and Poppy returned it with a glare. 

"I would rather walk the rest of the way home in broken heels than associate myself with you," Poppy spat but made no move to escape her arms. 

Lauren leaned down, "No one is stopping you," she whispered.  

The air ran thick with tension as they held each other's stubborn gaze. Neither was backing down. It was the only thing they had in common. They were fighters. 

"Skank..." Poppy breathed.

"Bitch..." Lauren muttered. 

And without skipping a beat, their lips came crashing together. All the pent up anger and attraction shared in that one kiss. Greedily, Poppy reached up and pulled Lauren closer as her tongue slipped past her lips. She tasted good. Too good. Lauren moaned against her lips as Poppy gripped her hair just the way she liked.

"Poppy…" she breathed, pressing her hips against hers. 

Something in Poppy moved. Something she never felt when she kissed Carter. This kiss was stupid. Pure impulse, but she didn't want to stop, and by the signals, neither did Lauren. Poppy broke the kiss, turning Lauren around so that she was pressed against the car. 

"Sit," Poppy commanded. 

"No," Lauren turned the tables, taking Poppy by the hips and pushing her down on the hood of the car with a loud thunk. "You aren't the boss of me…" Lauren muttered, sliding her hands up her skirt. 

Poppy bit back a moan, and in one quick motion, she grabbed Lauren's chin, nails digging. "You are out of your mind if you think i'm taking orders from you." 

They both smirked at each other. 

But then…

 Poppy frowned, pushing Lauren away. "I can't do this." 

Lauren blinked, taken aback, but respectfully took a step back. Great now, things were awkward. 

Poppy sighed. Not believing everything that happened in the past hour. She just KISSED her sworn enemy. Motherfucker. Poppy wiped her mouth with disgust. She just kissed a midwestern mutt. What was wrong with her? 

"Get your shit," Poppy said, avoiding Lauren's eyes as she slid off the car's hood. What was Lauren Hughes doing to her? Poppy hated her with every fiber of her being, but she did enjoy that kiss. Conflicted, Poppy sat down in her car, watching Lauren look for her jacket. Oh, how her head spun. Drunk on something she didn't understand. Shit. She needed to get away from Lauren. 

This. 

She hesitated, gripping the steering wheel. 

This was a mistake.

And without a second thought, Poppy started her car and abandoned Lauren in that empty parking lot.