#i kinda lost motivation when someone deleted the post that inspired it

[lynettethemadscientist]

Elvis, Act IV Scene X

[Enter King and Courtiers from right of stage, walking to left of stage]

Jerry [to King] Good King thy advisor hast deceived thee

Thy ambitions have been vexed by his tongue

Which sits loathely as the cautelous siren

Promising thee all that thou desirest

Ere ensnaring thee for its vile craving

Thy wish to sail to foreign lands; Europe, Japan

Are as naught as the cozener’s status

He has not leave to travel nor e’en work

His very name is fault to Law! A lie!

King What dost thou say’st?

[King falls to the floor]

Jerry My lord!

Courtier Fetch a vessel of ice anon!

[Nurse enters, carrying ice vessel]

Jerry Arise! Arise, my lord!

[King is roused with ice, but cannot stand]

Colonel Here list! All matters naught but the man's presence on the stage!

Nurse Were he my blood or I who bore him thus I would confine him to rest, not to work

Colonel Forsooth! Tis right that noble substance blood doth for noble decide

Vernon [stammers] What cans’t thou provide, doctor?

[Doctor prepares a dram of poison]

[mutxnts]

20 fic questions

tagged by @oodlyenough to do this!! thank you <33

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

i have 22 works posted!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

42,292 words! that actually really surprises me bc all of the things i write are one shots, and they aren't particularly long. i thought this number would be farrrrrr lower

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently only ace attorney!

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

a cold night in ikea (xmen) good old days (ace attorney) lost (xmen) sunsets over genosha (xmen) hot, sticky, sweet (ace attorney)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes!!!! i always make a point to respond :) i don’t really get that many comments on my fics so i always want to show some appreciation for the people that do take time to write something!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i guess lost? but the thing is i don't really like to write pure angst. most of the angst i write has a happy ending so by definition, that's probably the only fic i've written that has an angsty ending

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmm see this is difficult when most of my fics have a happy ending and i think it's a little subjective which one is the happiest. but maybe sweet, sweet bliss since it's basically just pure fluff?

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not, although i did get a slightly weird comment a couple months ago that i THINK was trying to jokingly tease me about how the characters were being ooc bc phoenix never gave edgeworth a blowjob in the games. and then they ended the comment with “but good job writing a story.” the problem is i did not know the person and so it did not really feel like much of a joke and it just. idk it felt very weird so i ended up deleting it

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i only recently started posting smut. i still feel a little awkward about it bc both times it’s been pwp, and with that it’s just like. yeah here’s two guys fucking. that’s it. but maybe that’s just the ace in me talking and feeling kinda weird about it gjsjfjdjfjdf

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

normally no i do not, but i started talking about which pokemon some of the ace attorney characters would have with a friend. and from there we started talking about so many headcanons that i started writing something for that universe bc i was inspired, but i honestly haven't touched it in a few months bc i got distracted writing other things lol

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of, so hopefully never!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!! again this goes back to my fics i wrote as a kid (so back when i was still on wattpad), but a few people translated my fics into other languages. the only one i can remember specifically was it was translated into turkish, but i remember there being other ones as well

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not! and i think that’s just bc i write roleplays with people instead

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

either cherik or narumitsu <3

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the one i ended up posting anyway since i feel like i'll never come back to it skdfjgjsdfgkj

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m a pretty concise writer, since i write how i think most people would speak. if that makes sense? my answer in the next question kinda gets into that, but i think i’m just not really someone who goes super artistic with my writing

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i think i’m not the best at writing prose. like, i’m not great with using very flowery, poetic kinda language or vocabulary. i struggle with that a lot. also, i can’t really write long fics, or even multi chapter fics. i just do not have the energy or motivation to do either one lol so that’s why all my fics are one shots

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i try to do it as little as possible bc i only know english, so i have to turn to google translate. and even then i try to stick to only pet names and other terms of endearment, so it’s not like i’m even really writing full sentences or anything in another language

19. first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

honestly it's so hard to choose but maybe blinding lights! i'm pretty sure it was the most excited i've ever been to write a fic, but i also recall really enjoying the setting of a cold night in ikea and being able to write that :) that one was the first time i had written fan fic since i was in high school, and it made me fall in love with writing again

tagging @japanifornication @sevenyeargap @ivy-saurs and anyone else that wants to do this! though no worries if you don't want to :)

[forget-mad-not]

hi there! (Writing About Works In Progress / WAWIP #1)

here's a post with my possible future fanfiction plans!

(because i feel bold enough to share these with you cool people out there) (and i'd like to feel a bit productive, even though i'm very much not) (and i need motivation to get through exam season) (and maybe someone will be interested) (might delete later)

below the cut are some work titles and brief summaries as they live in my head right now, please, check the tags for fandoms, characters and ships!

(and look, tiny but shameless ao3 ad!)

(ps from the future: i reserve the right to make changes to these stories as they take final form.)

(the gif is a paid actor for attention seeking)

... would you like to play that we die?

fandom: unus annus

an unus annus alternate origin (and obviously ending) story about these idiots (TWO idiots!!!), memento and mori, as they get to know each other, as they try to get through the history of humankind, as they try to be, and then live, and eventually... as they try to die? (this will be so much more poetic than the channel itself would indicate, but i can't help myself.)

if you read that short thing i wrote for @ukulillii's birthday (IT'S DEATH, JIM, RUN!), you already know about mori. kinda. but there's a whole sappy backstory out there. the plot has to thicken, am i right?

A Voice Found Me. It Wasn't Ḿ̸͠i̢͞n̴̨͡͠é̶̡.

fandom: markiplier and jacksepticeye egos

a sequel? a continuation?? a spin-off??? whatever, it's for Story of A P̢u̵p͠p̕e͘t (Regarding Lost Things), from jameson's (tortured, almost completely deprived of his personality, condemned to nothing more than a cruel puppeteering) perspective. i want to experiment even more with writing styles and character voices, plus i really like the interesting chemistry of the host and jj. how their stories can be paralleled and contrasted.

dreams; an entity sings of broken reflections

fandom: markiplier egos (who killed markiplier?) / darkstache (they're husbands, your honour)

this is actually two song-based oneshots! 2in1! with very specific, very easter-egg-like word counts! to parallel each other! to mirror each other! like... a broken reflection. you get it.

in save us from our own two heads: torturing pre!wkm actor mark's dream while he's utterly alone <;3 (affectionate) (i feel sorry for him actually)

in stand up and shake this heart: torturing darkiplier's dream while wilford's sleeping next to them <;3 (also affectionate) (sounds less sad. i will make it sad. that's a promise and a threat.)

some experimental headcanons, with some elements of dream symbolism, and the challenge of whether i can actually write them in the word count i had planned. and i like dream sequences.

I'll Tell Youse Something About Yancy's Childhood

fandom: markiplier egos (who killed markiplier? / a heist with markiplier)

i'll tell youse something! as a son of (actor) mark and celine, yancy's childhood in the markiplier manor was... quite interesting. a bit lonely maybe. he can't remember much of it, though. he knows that - silly thing - he had an imaginary friend. it darkened the dark corners, whispered sweetly from the walls, and was always there when yancy felt alone.

so it's all about child!yancy and the house entity interacting. that's the whole premise. inspired by a scene in elisabeth - das musical. and here i want to crank up the 1920s/gatsby vibe to the max.

my heart-strings are tangled / please, cut-cut-cut them all

fandom: jacksepticeye egos / antistein

i made a reckless promise that one day i would write something... nice with anti and henrik.

well, when i write this, it won't be that day. this will be angst at its finest. (but i think @florenceisfalling, for example, will forgive me for this. right? ... right?)

but what can you do with a doctor and a demon, whose character flaws only fuel each other's until one of them (fatefully) burns out?even if none of them want that to happen. it seems like a preordained tragedy.

this story is so far the least developed of all, but i can already see that anti's little puppet-master skills will be very much at the centre of events, and that it will hurt, but in a very poetic way. ... fffffucking hell, i love them so much.

wow. if you are reading this now, you've actually reached the end of the post. so you've probably made your way through this list. which is incredibly nice, and thank you very much! (and i hope i haven't disturbed anyone's peaceful browsing.)

if you have any questions or comments about these fic plans, feel free to write and ask! ✨

(like, which one interests you most or something. no one is obliged to, of course, but then i might really feel i've been productive)

[kasienda]

A Miraculous Reveal - Instagram

I forgot to post this here! Inspired by a prompt from @ladyofthenoodle. She also figured out how this one should end because she’s genius like that. Hope you enjoy! 

~~~

Marinette stared unhappily at the photo on her computer screen. Part of her thought she should be overjoyed at the revelation before her, but in the moment, she only felt frustrated. What was that stupid cat thinking?! Could he be any more obvious? If she didn’t know better, she’d think he did it on purpose.

“Marinette?” Tikki’s familiar voice called. “What’s wrong?”

The dark-haired girl sighed, and then gestured halfheartedly to the picture on her instagram feed. “Do you think I should be more mad at Adrien for uploading this picture? Or at Plagg for being difficult in the first place?” Tikki looked at the picture of Adrien sitting at his desk leaning forward to the camera with light from tall panes of glass windows lighting up his hair in a golden glow. As someone who collected all things Adrien, the picture honestly wasn’t the best Marinette had ever seen. His face looked washed out, and he had bags under his eyes. He just looked tired, and she couldn’t help but worry about him. Especially now that she understood that his plate of responsibilities was larger than she had ever imagined. The image was further spoiled by a random plain white sock floating upright in the air behind him. It was so stiff it could have been hanging from a clothesline.

Marinette observed Tikki carefully as the kwami considered the picture, watching for any reaction. At times, her kwami was amazingly expressive, but Marinette had come to learn the embodiment of creation could pull off quite the poker face when the need arose.

“I don’t see Plagg,” the red sprite finally concluded, her eyes furrowed together in seeming confusion.

“Really?!” Marinette scoffed. “That’s what you’re going with? I already know that kwamis don’t show up on camera, Tikki. What else could that be?”

Ao3 Link Ff.net

“Photoshop?” TIkki suggested lightly.

Marinette rolled her eyes.

“Maybe Adrien threw the sock backwards when he took the picture,” her kwami said.

Marinette crossed her arms over her chest, not remotely convinced by Tikki’s attempts to dissuade her.  “It’d be blurry, Tikki.”

“Not if it was at the height of its arc.”

“It wouldn’t be at this angle,” Marinette argued, pointing at the artifact. She didn’t like physics, but she couldn’t help pick up on some things being a superhero fighting akumas over the rooftops of Paris. “This is like it’s hanging upright. If it was flying through the air it would be bent and floppy.”

Tikki sighed, her mouth opening in search of another argument, but no words left her lips.

“You know who else might know that kwamis can’t be photographed?” Marinette asked rhetorically, and then answered the question herself. “Papillion.”

“Yeah, Adrien needs to delete that photo,” Tikki agreed.

Marinette laughed at Tikki’s sudden change in tune. “Oh, you think so?”

Tikki didn’t bother to respond to the “I told you so,” and Marinette found herself looking at the picture. His eyes were actually green. After her stint as Lady Noire, Marinette hadn’t been certain that her partner’s eyes were that vibrant shade of fresh spring grass. But they were, and for whatever reason that little detail made her feel like she knew him.

And of course, she did know him. He was Adrien. But now… She couldn’t help the giddy little smile that burst over her face as the reality of Chat Noir’s identity really sunk in, and she loved him even more.

“I’m glad that you’re happy,” Tikki observed softly. “That it’s him.”

Marinette twirled around in her chair towards her kwami. “Yeah, me too,” she admitted with a blush. “But goodness, he makes things so difficult sometimes! Why doesn’t he think things through?!”

“Let’s go yell at him!” Tikki encouraged, executing an excited dance in the air.

Marinette laughed. “Alright, then! Tikki, Spots On!”

…

Adrien lay back on his bed, one arm behind his neck supporting his head, and the other hand holding his phone up in front of his face, watching the likes and comments come in from his latest Instagram post. He didn’t really know why he always watched the reactions come in live. The constant notifications and attention from people he had never met had lost its joy and appeal ages ago, and yet, he still couldn’t help but check the recent post every few seconds anyway.

And this post was special. He had an ulterior motive.

“Do you think she’ll figure it out, Plagg?” Adrien asked, daydreaming of a certain Ladybug darting through his window.

“I’d say that’s a pretty good bet!” the mischievous cat like kwami said, snapping the t before phasing out of sight.

Adrien dropped the phone and looked up. “What makes you say…”

Ladybug stood in his window frame. Her blue eyes narrowed as they landed on him, and he wanted to hide from her obvious displeasure.  

“...that?” he trailed off. He leapt from his prone position on the bed, and slid forward, allowing his legs to hang over the mattress as he sat smiling at his mostly unexpected guest.

“Hi, Ladybug! What brings you here?” Adrien greeted brightly as if it was totally and completely normal to have a superhero standing in his open window. Which, if he counted himself, it kinda was…?

Her glare turned frostier, even as she jumped gracefully from the window sill to the marble floor. “Don’t play dumb, Chaton. It doesn’t suit you. Delete it now!”

“Delete what?” Despite her command, he figured it was in the interest of his survival to pretend he had no idea what she was talking about.

“The photo that you just posted to Instagram!” she growled.

He grinned. Ladybug had arrived within thirty minutes of him posting the photo. “So, you follow my Instagram?”

To his shock, pink flushed across her face. “That’s s-so not the point!” she spluttered.

His grin widened. “I always told you, you’d find my unmasked face irresistible.”

Her eyes hardened. “You need to delete that photo now, Adrien!” she barked harshly. “If I could figure it out, Papillion and Mayura can too!”

His grin evaporated in an instant. Shit! He hadn’t thought about that. He darted back to his phone that lay abandoned on his bed, rapidly unlocked it, and then swiped and tapped his way through the app. “It’s done,” he reported, all his bravado gone. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think.”

His partner’s form slumped in relief and she let out a frustrated sigh. Her resigned exasperation with just that dash of disappointment cut deeper than anything she had actually said. He had been needlessly reckless and for selfish reasons. It seemed so obvious now.

“It’s probably not gone, though,” he admitted softly. “I have crazy fans that screen cap everything. And repost stuff. I can’t control any of that.”

“It was only up for like half an hour. I can’t imagine it got too far or that most people will understand its significance. And it’s not the most flattering photo of you honestly, so hopefully less people felt the need to save it.” She flicked a piece of lint off her shoulder, not making eye contact. “How many likes did it have?”

“Around five thousand,” he reported.

“Five thousand?” she repeated in disbelief, her bright blue eyes as wide as the Seine. “I don’t think I could get that many likes in a year! God damn celebrities!”

“Ladybug could,” he told her confidently. “If she had an Instagram.”

“I’m not getting an Instagram as Ladybug!” she countered hotly.

“Why not?” he asked with genuine curiosity. “I imagine you could post some beautiful pictures of the city.”

“Because of stuff like floating socks!” she snapped back. She started pacing in front of his window in agitation. “I might not catch something in the background, and then I would give away my whole identity! I’m not willing to put my friends and family in danger for likes!” she lashed out at him.

His shoulders wilted. She was right. His father had a lot of resources and could probably protect himself even from a supervillain. Maybe Kagami too. But what about Nino, Alya, and Marinette?

“I-it wasn’t for likes,” he whispered, but the objection felt weak even to his own ears. He had only wanted one person to see it. Her. He just wanted her in his life. His actual life. Was that so bad? But his plan had worked better than he thought possible. She had figured out his identity. And that meant…

Knots formed in Adrien’s stomach as the implications sunk in. “You’re right. I didn’t think. Are-are you going to take my miraculous, now?” He wasn’t brave enough to look at her face. He hadn’t thought about the consequences at all. He hadn’t thought about the fact that other people, including his enemies, might recognize the properties of a kwami. Didn’t think about the fact that he didn’t know how to survive without the freedom of Chat Noir. No, he had only been thinking that Ladybug would understand the significance of the photo and if she “accidentally” figured out his identity, then she couldn’t be mad at him for telling her. He had only wanted her to see him and understand him. She was his partner. His other half.

He risked a glance up at her continued silence. She looked like she had been hit by a bus at the question. Her eyes were blown wide and her mouth hung open, and she still didn’t say anything.

“That’s the consequence, right?” he prompted when she didn’t respond. “Someone figures out my identity, I have to give up my miraculous?” He shrugged, trying to hold up a strong front. “That’s what Plagg said a few weeks back anyway.”

He slipped off the ring and held it out to her, his eyes burning with threatened tears.

Her gloved hands reached out, and he clamped his teeth down on the sob that wanted to tear out of his throat. Her gloved hands, which felt strange touching his bare skin, carefully closed his fingers around the cold metal circle and pushed it back towards him. He looked up at her in surprise. Her eyes glistened with her own unshed tears.

“Maybe I should take it. That was Master Fu’s rule, but Chaton…” she whispered, and then rapidly shook her head with her teeth pressed down into her lower lip. “I can’t do this without a partner.”

“You could find a new partner. One who is more worthy of your trust.”

She scoffed. “I can’t just find another partner! They don’t fall from the sky. And yes! I’m not going to lie! You drive me absolutely crazy sometimes! With the flirting and your stupid puns while I’m trying to figure out how to use a lucky charm! When you wouldn’t take no for an answer after asking me out for like the third time. When you fell for fake Ladybug just because you wanted me to love you even though it was so obvious she wasn’t real. And oh my god, you accepted Sass when you were already Chat Noir! Ugh!”

His shoulders slumped, and his eyes burned with unshed tears. When she laid it all out like that… maybe she needed to find a new partner. Someone who understood the responsibilities his power brought him, and would respect her boundaries, hopefully better than he had.

She dropped to her knees in front of him, and her red gloved hands gently took his own, and squeezed reassurance. She tilted her head down to catch his fallen gaze. And she smiled softly at him.

“But Chaton, you’re also the person who can figure out my crazy plans with almost no explanation, the person who has taken hit after hit for me. I’ve literally watched you die in my arms, more times than I prefer to think about. I have the nightmares to prove it. You talk me up and encourage me when it feels impossible to succeed.”

She gripped his hands harder. “Hell! I would have quit being Ladybug on the first day, if it wasn't for you. I don’t know how to tell you this, but I need you. No one else can even come close to replacing you. Not even if I trained them to fight because you do more than watch my back. You just know how to lift me up when my world has fallen apart.”

Hot tears slipped past his defenses as her words settled into his being, planting soft seeds of warmth.

“Please don’t cry,” she begged.

He wiped his tears away furiously. “Thank you, LB. it feels really good to hear you say all that. Sometimes, I’m not sure where I stand with you. Some days I feel like your best friend, and other days, that annoying weird kid you wish you never had met.”

“Chaton,” she crooned. “I care about you so much. I promise I have never once wished that I hadn’t met you. You have become a huge part of my life!”

“You too, LB! You’re the best thing in mine.”

She blushed and fidgeted. It was actually weird to see her as anything other than confident and focused. Her nervousness relaxed him, made him remember she was just a teenager like him.

“I love you,” he blurted into the growing silence. “You make me feel like I have value and a purpose. Like I’ve done something good, and that I’ve done it well. I don’t feel like that very often. And I know I’ve said it before, and I’m not expecting anything, but I just… I wanted to say it just once… as myself.”

“You love me,” she repeated, her form rigid as she stared at him with wide eyes as if she couldn’t believe it.

He laughed. “Yes! Why do you sound so surprised? I’ve only told you three times before!”

“But that was Chat Noir. Adrien told his friends he was in love with someone but he didn’t give a name. I’m the person Adrien is in love with.”

He placed a hand absently to his neck. “It’s not like I could tell my friends your name. It’d be dismissed as a celebrity crush.”

Then her comment registered and his green eyes shot up to her masked ones. “Wait! How do you know that I told my friends that?”

She glanced toward the window, and took a step back. “Uh… well, you see…” she stuttered. And that was weird. He’d never seen Ladybug so nervous, and yet, her body language tickled his memory with its familiarity.

“Do I… do I know you in my civilian life?”

Ladybug bolted to her feet. “Well, this has been fun,” she said rapidly, a nervous smile stretching across her face. “I need to get going now. Remember to be more careful with your social media accounts. See you at patrol tomorrow, Chaton!”

He darted in front of her before she could launch her yo-yo out his window, his mind awhirl. He had only told three people that he was in love with someone. Nino, Marinette, and Kagami.

None of them seemed likely to share that information with anyone else.

And Ladybug definitely wasn’t Nino.

He had seen Ladybug with both Marinette and Kagami. But… his lady was clever. She might have tricked him. And of those two, only one of them made sense.

“Marinette?”

Her face fell into her hands. “Tikki’s going to kill me.”

Warmth burst in his chest like a firework going off. Adrien felt like he was floating above the ground. He was just that elated. He knew Ladybug’s identity. And the girl behind the mask? She was amazing! And she was already his friend.

He stepped forward and seized her in a hug. “It’s you!” he laughed, giddiness spilling from every fiber of his being.

She didn’t reciprocate. Instead, she remained frozen in his embrace - awkwardly patting his shoulder. He immediately let her go and backed away with an arm to the back of his neck as his nerves caught up with him.

“Sorry,” he muttered, heat blooming in his face. “I am so excited to know that you are Marinette, I… I got carried away.”

“H-how can you be s-sure that I’m Marinette?” she asked, pink spreading from her mask to her ears.

He smiled fondly at the suddenly very familiar stutter. “You know I can see the resemblance now, right? It’s really obvious. Plus, who else could live up to Ladybug, but Marinette?”

She fidgeted and turned away from his gaze. “Y-you can’t tell anyone.”

He rolled his eyes and took another step towards her. “I know how the superhero schtick goes.”

She crossed her arms across her chest and glared at him. “Really? Have you already forgotten why I came to visit you today?” And here she was all Ladybug righteous fury.

He blushed. “I only did that because I wanted you to know who I was. No one else. And trust me to guard your secret better than my own. I know you have a family to protect.”

“You say that like you don’t,” she observed with a frown.

He shrugged. “I mean, I guess I have my father. But I hardly ever see him. So does it count?”

Adrien immediately regretted saying that as an awkward silence descended upon them. A silence that he had no clue how to fill.

“I’m sorry, Adrien,” she finally whispered, and then she took a step forward and her spotted arms encircled around him.

“What for?” he asked in surprise. He stood frozen uncertain and amazed at this turn of events, before he let his arms wrap around her petite form and his chin rest on her shoulder.

“I just… I don’t think I ever understood why having a connection with me as Ladybug was so important to you,” she whispered in his ear. “I didn’t realize that it would be just as difficult to make friends in your civilian form as it would be as Chat Noir.”

He pulled back a little, but just enough to take her hand and bring it to his lips. He kissed her knuckles as he always did. But unlike usual, she didn’t pull away or rebuff him. In fact, her cheeks blazed red the way Marinette’s often did in Adrien’s presence.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“F-fine,” she stammered, snatching her hand out of his hold like she had been burned.

“You just... usually pull away sooner. And your face is all red,” he pointed out, gesturing to her cheeks with his free hand.

She punched him in the shoulder. And it hurt more than he was willing to admit. He wasn’t transformed at the moment, but he tried to play it off.

“You don’t have to be a jerk about it!” she admonished him.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion.

“You’re making fun of me,” she whined.

“I swear that I’m not.”

“Then why do you keep teasing me about being embarrassed?” she shot back.

“I… you’re embarrassed?” he asked. “What on earth would you have to be embarrassed about? You’re amazing!”

“You know who I am! You can remember every time I’ve put my foot in my mouth or embarrassed myself horribly in front of you with every attempted confession,” she spoke rapidly, her hands waving around wildly. And he found himself smiling softly. This behavior was all Marinette. And he loved it. Then her words registered. His eyes widened, and time froze and he felt as alert as he did facing an akuma. He could see her hands fidgeting nervously, her heaving chest as she struggled to replace the air she had just used, the faint pink still staining her cheeks, and her blue eyes darting away in self-consciousness.

“Confession?” He tried to keep the hope out of his voice, but he failed.

Her eyes widened before her face fell into her hands again, as she mumbled incoherently into her palms. And god, this blending of Marinette and Ladybug right in front of him was making him dizzy. He stepped forwards again and gently pulled her hands from her face, revealing swirling orbs of blue that peeked out from under her dark eyelashes.

“I’m the boy? Me?” He asked. Her blush darkened, but she gave a slight nod. He laughed in absolute delight. “I’m the boy,” he repeated, but this time it was a revelation and not a question. If he felt like he was floating before, he was flying now. And he was never going to come back down to earth again.

“Me. Adrien. I’m the boy you love,” he rambled, a grin as wide as the Seine stretched across his face. “You rejected Chat Noir-me for Adrien-me.” He was never going to stop smiling.

“Adrien,” she whined, over enunciating all three syllables of his name. “Stop looking so pleased with yourself!”

He shook his head. “But you love me. Ladybug loves me.”

She blushed yet again, and offered him a gentle smile. “Yeah… I guess she does.”

He caressed her cheek and leaned into her space. “May I kiss you?”

She nodded.

His right hand cupped her while his left slipped his fingers between hers. His lips pressed into hers. Just a touch, lingered there for a moment relishing in the gentle contact. She felt soft, warm, and tasted sweet like fruit-flavored candy.

It wasn’t his first kiss.

But it was the first kiss he could remember.

He pulled away to see her face still lost in the contact. Her eyes were closed with her head angled up, and she had the smallest smile. Warmth bloomed in his chest at her expression.

Posting that picture had been the best idea he had ever had.

Unless of course, Papillion figured him out. That would lead him straight to Marinette whether or not the villain had cause to suspect she was Ladybug.

His stomach turned to ice.

No… he wouldn’t let that happen. He would protect her. He was Chat Noir, and Chat Noir always protected his partner. He always did whatever needed to be done, whether he had to sacrifice himself or just simply created a distraction.

His eyebrows shot into his forehead. That was exactly what he needed to do!

“I have an idea!” he exclaimed.

...

Ladybug refused to open her eyes. She wouldn’t recover if she opened them only to discover that the last two minutes had only been a dream.

This wasn’t her first kiss, and it wasn’t even her first kiss with Adrien. But the first one had been in the middle of a battle with no time to savor the moment. This is the kiss she would choose to cherish in her memory.

He pulled back, and she tried not to chase him, but she wasn’t ready for him to go.

“I have an idea!”

Her eyes finally blinked open at the excitement in his voice. “An idea?” she asked. “F-for what?” Why was she still stuttering?!

His meadow-green eyes were vibrant, and he still held her hand. The contact was grounding her even if the gloves of her suit remained between them. “To solve my floating sock problem. We need a distraction. Can you detransform?”

Her eyebrows furrowed. “What? Why?”

“Please?” he begged and somehow his eyes got wider and softer, and his lower lip trembled in an over-exaggerated pout. She was going to have to work on her resistance to that look. “We could do this as Ladybug and Adrien. It might even work better at solving the sock identity vulnerability, but it would do that by putting your identity more at risk if we show any public affection in our civilian identities. It’s better to do this as Adrien and Marinette.”

“Spots off,” she whispered. Chat Noir was the person she trusted most in the world.

The familiar buzz tingled down her form, and Adrien was staring at her like he’d never seen her before all over again.

Her face and neck blazed in sudden embarrassment. “What?” she asked, looking down at her fingers.

“I just… it really is you,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe. “I mean, I knew that, but… but now, it’s real.”

Tikki took that moment to flutter up between them. “Marinette, what are you…?”

Marinette waved her off. “Not now, Tikki! It’s too late. I’m sorry!” She turned back to Adrien. “What did you have in mind?”

He grinned so brightly. Seriously, she was going to get sunburned from his smiles, and reached a hand out to her. “Come here,” he directed as he pulled her into his arms. It was terrifying how good it felt to be held in his arms. She felt hot and cold, vulnerable and safe, nervous and loved. And she felt it all at once. It was quite the heady experience.

Then he touched their foreheads together and she got lost in his eyes, which beamed with absolute adoration all directed at her. Heat pooled into her cheeks at the intimacy of their unwavering eye contact.

She chided herself. They had been in far more intimate and compromising positions in their suits. But right now, they were without their masks. And she felt so much more vulnerable.

But also giddy with joy.

After only seconds had passed, Adrien pulled out his phone, and snapped a few pictures of them, but his eyes never left her face until after he finished. Only then did he glance down at the screen to view their results.

“What do you think?” He asked, swiping through the burst of shots as he turned the screen to show her.

Looking at the pictures, Marinette couldn’t breathe, let alone speak. The only thing more powerful than seeing Adrien’s love sick eyes focused intently and unerringly on hers was seeing her own expression mirroring his own. She brushed his hand away and went through the pictures herself more slowly, tears threatening to drop from the corner of her eyes when she landed on her favorite. In the image, Adrien was smiling like a child tasting sugar for the first time in its life, while Marinette looked dazed like the world had just been turned upside down, which it had, but in the best possible way.

She had to clear her throat before she could speak. “This one,” she said, handing the device back to him.

“I like this one too,” he agreed as his fingers flew across the small touch screen, setting up a new Instagram post. He turned the final result towards her, so she could read the caption.

Spending the afternoon with my new girlfriend.

“What do you say? Are you ready to become social-media-official with me?” he asked with a smirk. But his free hand was rubbing the back of his neck.

The nervous tick threw her, and she realized he wasn’t just creating a distraction. He was also asking her out, and he was nervous. Somehow that calmed her.

She bit her lip and nodded again. And suddenly he was kissing her again, and she hoped that she never got used to the sensation. It was perfect. Even though she disapproved of his recklessness, part of her was really glad that he had posted that picture if it meant she could have a dozen more moments like this.

When he pulled away, he buried his head into his phone once again. She frowned at how quickly he was distracted, and looked over his arm to see what he was adding to his post.

When I kiss her, I feel so dizzy I see spots.

“Adrien!” she scolded, slapping his arm. Was he seriously going to risk her identity for a stupid pun! He laughed, and immediately deleted the sentence. “Okay! Okay! How about… the princess of my heart?”

“Totally over the top cheesy!” she screeched, trying harder to wrestle away his phone.

Before she succeeded, he hit the “share” button. Then, he immediately surrendered the device to her, and pulled her back against his chest, his chin resting on her shoulder as they stood cheek to cheek, looking at his phone, which was already lighting up and buzzing with dozens of notifications. Marinette watched in abject fascination. This was almost unfair.

Within two minutes, Marinette’s cell had started ringing, and over the next five minutes, Alya had called fourteen times and left four voicemails. Exasperated, Marinette texted her back.

I’m trying to make out with my boyfriend. Quit interrupting!

That ought to get her to shut up.

Sure enough, Alya sent her a squealing emoji in response and then there was silence.

Within ten minutes, the new photo had exceeded the five thousand likes of the deleted picture. Congratulatory and heartbroken comments poured in almost faster than Adrien or Marinette could read.

Another five minutes passed, and the newly formed couple jumped apart at the sudden pounding on Adrien’s bedroom door.

“Adrien, would you please open this door right now and explain how Ms. Dupain-Cheng came to be in your room without going through the front door,” Nathalie called from the other side of the wooden barrier.

“I guess that’s my cue to leave,” Marinette whispered, stepping away from her new boyfriend - she had an actual boyfriend - and towards the window.

Adrien immediately grabbed her hand. “Actually, it might be better if you stayed?” he said nervously. “I may not have thought this entirely through either… as this photo is obviously in my room. It’s easier to explain sneaking you in here than is explaining where you disappeared to.”

“Adrien!” She hissed. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Hopefully love me forever?” He suggested with an exaggerated grin.

“Adrien!” Nathalie yelled through the door.

Marinette laughed. “You might want to open the door before your father's assistant gets akumatized.”

“You’ll stay?” he whispered, his trembling eyes the only sign that he was scared to face the dragon on the other side of his bedroom door alone.

She nodded, and threaded her hand through his. “You and me against the world, right?”

“The world plus Nathalie. She’s scarier than the rest of the world,” he said cheekily even as he unlocked and opened the door.

God, Marinette was completely in love with this dork. And she was going to have to put up with him, his ill-thought-out-over-th-top schemes to impress her, and his stupid smug smirk for who knew how long.

Maybe forever.

But then again, maybe none of those things were so bad.

[universitykpop]

It’s time to talk about it

I’ve decided to publish that post I talked about the other day. I’ve noticed several other writers on here are making posts about lack of feedback and interaction and that they’re leaving or no longer writing. This is a topic that I’ve tried to not post a lot about because I didn’t want to seem ungrateful or annoying. But if there’s any time to talk about it, it’s now. I’ve put it below a cut because it is quite a long post with a lot of my emotions about tumblr and my blog. So buckle up, kids, ‘cause it’s a rollercoaster of feels.

My Experience as a Tumblr Fanfic Writer;

When I started this blog, I was fresh off of onedirectionfanfiction.com and 5sosfanfiction.com, where I never had many readers or any feedback. I got maybe 10 comments (they weren’t in-depth reviews, just ‘omg’ or ‘harry’s so hot’) in total from my dozens and dozens of long fanfics (some stories hitting over 100k words which I can’t even dream of now). Coming onto here, I didn’t think my writing was going to get much attention based on past experience. There was a handful of “big scenario blogs” and I liked and reblogged everything I enjoyed reading because that’s how I wanted people to interact with my content. I didn’t know how it felt to receive positive feedback but I wanted others to, even when they were already getting it from so many other readers. When I hit 500 followers, I thought that was it, I wasn’t going to get more followers/readers. I had readers requesting that I do requests and begging for more parts of stories meant to just be oneshots. I was so over the moon to be receiving that kind of love for something I enjoyed doing. I felt like I was finally good at something; I had a purpose for spending hours writing about people I admired and liked. I was getting messages almost everyday for two years and if I hadn’t posted in so long anons were in my ask box asking if I was still here. I had regular anons who went by cute little anon names for a short time. My notifications exploded so much that I had to turn off push notifications because my phone would not stop going off in classes. I cannot describe how happy I was in that time. I have been writing and reading fanfics since 2009 and I always wondered how it would feel to be one of the “popular” writers on a fic site, and during 2016/2017 I thought I achieved that based on the interactions I got. 

As I continued to write, I started to notice many of the fic writers I followed started making friends with other writers I followed. As someone who is very introverted, shy, and socially anxious (especially at this point in time of my blog), I wondered if any other writers would reach out to me and befriend me. No one ever really did, and I thought something was wrong with me. They had their group chats and inside jokes they’d post and tag each other. They would inspire each other to write things and bounce ideas off one another. I haven’t ever felt like I was a part of the kpop fanfic writing community; I was just kinda there. People knew my url but didn’t know me. I had mutuals who messaged me a few times, and then a while later I go back to see what they’re doing and they’re no longer mutuals with me. It shouldn’t have bothered me but it did. Was I annoying? Did they just not like me? Did someone else talk shit about me and then that person changed their opinion about me? I’ll never know because I don’t like confrontation. I have always felt kind of left out, and it reminded me a lot of my real life. Since 2015 when I started this blog, I’ve made one friend and I still talk to her to this day. At times, she was my only friend. She knows who she is, and I cannot say how grateful I am that she reached out to me.

Around 2018, interactions just kind of stopped. I became paranoid and frantic about how I could get back to where I was, but nothing I did worked. As I approached 17k followers, only needing two more to hit it, I began to lose followers by the dozens. I couldn’t figure out why. I was still posting stories but barely got feedback. I decided to stop writing for a bit and not many readers were concerned. It got to the point that I avoided getting on here because I knew I would only get upset and feel guilty by logging on. It felt weird because I had such a large following yet no one cared. And now, I sit at 16.4k followers who barely interact with my content. I don’t get messages about my content, and sometimes I get more than 5 notes in a day. I don’t feel motivated to write because who’s going to read it? I felt like I lost my purpose; it didn’t matter if I continued to write. My stories became shorter and more scarce. I moved to other platforms to see if engagement would go up, but it didn’t. It was pointless to post here and on other sites. I had a taste of praise and I miss it. When it stopped, I couldn’t figure out if I had done something wrong. I study consumer behavior and write papers about it for my Masters degree, and I still can’t figure out why fanfic readers don’t engage with authors on here. In merchandising, people are always willing to give their opinion on products whether it’s good or bad, so why aren’t fic consumers willing? Some writers I’ve read, who I watched grow in popularity and envied their readers interactions, are now in the same boat I’m in and I hate that this is happening to us. Some of them I’m shocked they are also dealing with this. We make this content for free, spending h o u r s to create it, and we get nothing in return. I loved being able to connect with my readers and feel their emotions about my stories. It made me feel fulfilled finally as an fic author.

Now, I can’t remember the last time I opened my scenario documents. How could something that I loved doing for so long become a burden? This blog caused some of my happiest moments and my saddest. Sometimes I debate deleting my account or logging off for good. But I can’t let go after all the effort I’ve put into my blog. 

Would I recommend becoming a Tumblr fanfic writer? Absolutely not. Do not make Tumblr your primary source where you post your stories. Focus on interactions and feedback from actual fiction websites, where it is meant to host those relationships.

This post isn’t meant to shame anyone or brag. I wanted to be real for a moment and tell my truth. So many writers randomly leave without a word, and I just can’t let myself do that. I want to be in the fandoms and contribute and have fun, but I feel like my time to do that has been over for a long time, like I don’t belong here anymore. I’ll still be around but I probably won’t plan to update stories, specifically on this blog. I will most likely post random oneshots on my ateez sideblog @alotofteez and my accounts on aff and ao3. I’ll still make photo edits every once in a while. I really didn’t think I’d make this sort of “goodbye” post because I had so many plans for this blog that just unfortunately never came to fruition.

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

Babbling about a random oc x oc ship

Mainly doing this for @eclecticcoyote , but also, I usually neglect these two, so I'm basically taking someone's passing interest as an excuse to talk about them XD.

Both characters belong to me, btw.

So, in a recent reblog, I made mention of Chess being the closest Chronos has ever gotten to being in a romantic relationship. However, if I were to expand on what that meant, we'd need some context. You may recall a post where I outlined all of Chronos' backstory. If you haven't seen it, or you've forgotten, you may want to read through it. You may also want to read through the information given on my recent Chess artwork post thing.

Before Chess became a mercenary, as you can probably guess, she was in the jewel stealing business. Something that should be noted is that this was a hereditary business. Chess is a member of an unnamed family of criminals who uphold their reputation by breeding some of the most notorious law breakers out there. Chess had dedicated most of her life to perfecting her craft and building her reputation.

She and Chronos met back when he was still setting up a mercenary group with Persephone. During a trip, Chronos received an anonymous tip off that the Bandit Queen herself would be interested in joining. The tip off also included instructions on where to find her, and a deal. If Chronos could keep Chess from stealing anything from him for an hour, she'd join.

After some deliberation, he finally ends up going, and meeting Chess at a bar. At first, he engages in conversation with her, Chess playing ignorant to the things he's talking about. Chronos ends up explaining why he's here, as well as the deal. However, no sooner had he finished talking than he realized that he had been robbed blind. He reverses time and tries again, and fails again. After a couple more attempts, he realizes that Chess is purposefully trying to distract him by playing dumb and getting him to explain.

This process goes on, with Chronos being outsmarted, and having to figure out what Chess is doing. Eventually, he manages to get through the hour without being robbed. Chess asks him why she'd become a mercenary, which Chronos figures out by deciphering something she said at the beginning of the conversation. She was bored, and wanted something new. Having lost, Chess agrees to join.

Then unbeknownst to Chronos, this encounter had won him Chess' respect. He did come to realize this by observing her behavior to similar situations. He saw this as an opportunity, as Chess was quickly becoming aggravating to him. She was someone whose actions he could never predict, and even after it became clear that her slutty and dumb personality was fake, she still continued to use it, never showing a trace of her actual personality.

They started to have lengthy interactions that were basically them trying to outsmart the other. For instance, during a trip to a restaurant, both claim to have no money. They both then tried to get the other person to admit that they're lying. The loser would pay for a meal. It seemed undoubtedly outrageous, but still entertaining to everyone else.

As these interactions went on, both had a mutual growing respect for the other, Chronos even starting to look up to Chess. They started to have more philosophical discussions with each other, where Chronos would bring up a topic just to see how Chess would argue it. She ended up changing his perspective on various topics.

Also, remember how Chronos nowadays is the negotiator of the group, and has a charismatic personality that encourages people to trust him? He learned all of these skills from Chess, although he'll never admit it.

As the "kinda friendship " continued, Chess did something unexpected. She started to act like herself. Behind her intentionally distracting front, Chess is actually quite miserable. The biggest aspect of her personality, the one which motivates her actions most, is that she's an absolute adrenaline junkie. She does things purely for the thrill, and boredom would make her go insane. However, due to her upbringing, she didn't have any interests or hobbies that didn't contribute to her thieving lifestyle. As time went on, her heists became increasingly repetitive and formulaic. The lack of motivation caused Chess to experience what she recognized as the first stages of depression, and she abandoned the lifestyle.

After getting to know Chronos, she realized that he had a similar problem. His goal of improving people's lives consumed his life, and he didn't have much outside of it. Seeing this commonality, Chess decided to drop any social barriers she had, simply to see what it'd be like. She started looking for more interesting things to do, more things to get involved with, and she encouraged Chronos to join her. While Chronos would never admit that she was right about the issue they shared, the "dates" they ended up having were genuinely some of the best moments in his life.

But then the incident with Flaga happened. And Chronos became obsessed with micromanaging everyone's lives since he lost trust in any of them in making correct decisions. Chess was no exception. And what both of them came to learn the hard way was that Chess' life had caused her to develop a heart of glass. Chronos was the first person to truly know her, and not only had he always treated her with respect and decency, she had basically taught him most of what he knows.

So when Chronos not only deletes most of his memories of Chess, but also starts to talk down to her and treat her ideas and issues as "trivial " and "unimportant "?

Yeah....

Chess has tried to get through to Chronos what his issues are, and has tried to help him, but has been brushed off every time. The bridge finally burned for good when Chess announced that she'd be retiring from mercenary work in a few months. When this happened, Chronos and Chess had one of their little showdowns of trying to outsmart each other, Chronos trying to convince Chess to explain her motivations and stay. In the end, he lost. In response, Chess chastised him, saying that if Chronos was the same man he was when they first met, he would have won.

Nowadays, Chronos avoids talking about Chess. It's implied that he does feel some level of guilt that he refuses to admit to. Meanwhile, Chess does feel disappointed in him, and wishes that things worked out differently. However, this relationship has inspired her to be more open and honest to more people. She continues to live her life on the edge, currently aiding in taking down Dawnsview's corrupt government.

She still never passes up the chance to make some passive aggressive comment about Chronos.

Finally, not to get to spoilery, but Chess fakes her death early in the story. While this news hasn't reached him yet, I wonder how Chronos would react to hearing that Chess is dead~

I hope you enjoyed XD

I apologize for wasting your time

- Spooky S Skeletons

[stardustdaemon]

“Fanfiction Writer Asks” Answer all of the ones that apply to you! (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞ you’re welcome!

Finally on desktop so can answer these <3

Got kinda long so putting it under a keep reading but thank you friend <3

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?- I think about 11 oh my god

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? - Published i write for bts, MysMes, FFVII and Uncharted but in general. Knb, Free!, Nabari no Ou, YGO (lmao) and a few more. I don’t have a fave

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer. - OC’s!!! I’m really bad at reader inserts because I struggle with any kind of first person persepctive.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?- Comedy and Fluff but i do specialise in angst

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?- The Tones of His Voice, it was super tough to write and kind of personal <3

6) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why? - Ap and Book Recs lmao. I kinda hate it but people seem to enjoy it

7) When is your preferred time to write?- NIIIGGGHHTT TTIIIMMMEEE

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?-Anything and everything. It  can be interactions i’ve had, stories my friends tell me, scenes from something I’m watching or music.

12) Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?- It’s actually 707 lmao, he’s super dynamic so it’s fun to explore the different sides of him

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?- AOMINE FUCKING DAIKI. idk why but i can’t get the hang of him >:(

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?- I’m a machine for weird and unusual names and i love coming up with names so i tend to come up with the name then build the character around it.

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.- “Aw come on, don’t be like that, it’s been fourty eight hours since I last saw you, I don’t even get a hug?” Zack pouted, taking slow but short steps towards his best friend who just shook his head, raising an eyebrow as he approached him before suddenly veering to the side, arm swiping to hit Zack across the back with a quick call of “Look, the bus is here.” - It’s a clack au fic <3

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them? - SO MANY. Mostly because i kind of lost the feel or motivation for them. Or straight up forgot what direction I was going in.

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently? - We’re Gonna Be Okay. I wanted it to be longer but I’m afraid of ruining it by doing that.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?- I NEED music to write

24) How do you feel about writing smutty scenes?- Makes me kinda uncomfortabe

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?- oh yes, many a time.

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow? - I sometimes plan it all out but I always end up taking it somewhere completely different xD

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction? - Correct format and a better understanding on dialogue to descriptive ratio.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?- That one of my fics actually gave a lot of hope to someone after a bad breakup.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?- I haven’t really recieved any

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest? - Sometimes with a few people but half the time I just write.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s? - It’s cliche af.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?- a mix between second and third

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?- Yes

41) What’s you favourite minor character you’ve written?- Seijouro Mikoshiba lmao

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?- Yes, but only kinda

44) What is the last line you wrote?- “They stood like that for a while, smiling at the other before Kise threw a finger over his shoulder, mentioning he should head in. Aomine nodded, allowing himself a few more seconds of watching the other before slowly stepping backwards.” I’m back on my aokise bullshit xD

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?- Music and unfortunately usually hyperfixation.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write? - Meet Cute/ Meet Ugly AU’s

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about? - I think it was a spirit shipping fic called The White Knight

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why? - AANNNNGGSSSTTTT. And mostly because I’m just really good at it xD

[hypospace]

The Block

Hello.

So I haven't posted anything on here in almost 3 years. Not only that, I also haven’t written/expressed any personal thoughts in a coherent body of text in 3 years. Yes, it's that bad. I have always struggled and had doubts about myself when it comes to writing, even back when I first started. I mean, I've never done it as anything else but a hobby, but I have to say that the past 3 years was probably the lowest I’ve been in terms of writing/creativity/self-expression. And it’s not like I didn’t have any thoughts I wanted to express - just that every time I try to write there's a part of my mind that just screams “Stop! Can’t do this!”. God knows how many times I've started a blank page and then deleted everything after a few sentences in. 

I have tried to pinpoint the reason(s) for this mental block. I saw a post here once that pretty much sums up the feeling. I thought that maybe I had simply lost the ability to express without feeling like I was repeating myself, which is only partly true. Then I realized that the bigger problem was that I felt like whatever it is I'm trying to say has already been said by someone else, and in a much more eloquent way too. This excuse stuck around for a while, until I found another- and another, and another. Some other reasons I came up with:

-- No time (too busy with uni work) -- Not motivated/inspired enough (not enough reading) -- No audience (not enough followers)

In fairness, some of these reasons were actually true to some extent. I was in the middle of doing my degree abroad and struggling to find time to read outside of my course to get inspired enough to write. And it's not like my writings will ever reach more than a handful of people so why bother right? But then these same circumstances have never really stopped me from expressing myself through writing a few years before (nor should they stop me). There had to be more underlying issues that I'm ignoring. Then at some point, I just got tired of thinking about it all and decided that maybe it’s time I stopped trying so hard to do it.

But I’ve been revisiting the idea of expressing myself again lately. After some self-reflection, I think I finally managed to boil down the mental block to these issues:

I was struggling so much to express myself because there was no self to express - at least, no constant self at any given time anyway. I was going through a lot of changes around me. Found myself in an unfamiliar environment which demanded growth in almost every aspect of myself. Meanwhile I was still trying to write as my younger persona. It just doesn't make sense (and a bit ironic considering how much I talk about how much everyone is constantly changing and all that). I am still growing even as I'm writing this, but I think an important thing to realize is that writing has to come from a genuine self - and that genuine self may change from time to time, which means my writing style may also change from time to time. But that's completely okay. There needs to be an acceptance of whoever you are in the present moment.

At the same time, I was also becoming very conscious of how much the things I say (and have said) actually come from a place of privilege and ignorance. To the point that it's crippling my confidence to even say anything. What if my opinion on this thing is biased because I had access to something that others may not have? What if my opinion is not fully formed because I'm not seeing the full picture? I realize now that it's not a very healthy way to go about living life. It's probably better to say something and get it wrong so you can learn, rather than not say anything at all and worry about it your whole life (I'm still working on this one though).

When I started this blog, I kinda set the tone of this blog to be very serious and somber. But that was probably just because I was a very serious and somber person at the time. I used to write as a coping mechanism to process some difficult emotions. In recent years I would sometimes struggle to keep up with that tone because I had grown a lot emotionally. Not to say that I'm happy and cheerful all the time now, but it's definitely a more complete spectrum now. I'm not into poetry so much nowadays, but that's okay because there are other ways to express myself and my emotions which are just as valid.

Things have been a bit more stable lately. I think, I'm a lot more comfortable in my own shoes now. I've been getting the desire to write again, which is always a good first step. Although, I can't promise I'll write twice a week or something like that but I will try my best to express myself more - for no other reason than because it makes me feel at home, and because I want to do it.

Till next time, Amin

[leslieohdamnjr]

Okay, so I have to drop a bunch of requests again. I know I told you I would do these, but I’ve lost motivation for them, or I don’t have ideas. There might be other reasons for a couple, but nothing is because you’ve offended me or I didn’t think your idea was cool. ALL YOUR IDEAS ARE SO COOL. I just don’t feel like I can write them. If you have a question about why I might’ve dropped your request, ask me! I have a reason for each one and I will tell you if you ask!

I won’t be offended it you resubmit your request to another writer you like, either! Writers: if you’d like to use these, just ask the requester’s permission and it’s yours! No need to consult me first.

“Omg a Lafayette x reader where the squad plays scattegories or something and one of the categories was something along the lines of "perfection" and being bad at English Laf puts the reader's name down and it's fluffy and adorable and you can decide what comes next XD Thank you in advance!” - @cattycattitude

“(Last one I swear) YOUR JORDAN ONE WAS AMAZING SO COULD YOU MAYBE DO 59 AND 99 WITH HIM?” - @doilyloily

“Please don’t leave, I’m not ready to be alone.” and 68. "Don't touch me!" Could I have a fic where Lafayette and the reader get into a huge argument, and Laf storms out only to return much later in the night, while the reader is pretending to be asleep? And then Laf crawls into bed with the reader and comforts her which ends in lots of kisses and mumbled affections. thanks! Xx” -Anonymous

“Love your blog! How about for a request good ol' John Laurens and some Arctic Monkeys, Do I Wanna Know??” - @inspire-me-to-breathe

“If you do Hamilcrew ones, what about Daveed meeting the parents in an awkward situation.” - @zoemonster200

“Will you please do a platonic pippa x reader? Maybe where the reader has anxiety? Please” -Anonymous (I do have a romantic pippa fic coming up soon)

“I DONT KNOW THE SASSINESS JUST SOUNDED LIKE OAK HE INSTANTLY POPPED UP IN MY HEAD CAN THERE BE A PART TWO THEY INVITE NEIGHBOR OAK TO THE WEDDING” -Anonymous (oops I deleted this fic)

“How about one where Laf introduces the reader to Thomas and he keeps hitting on the reader. The whole time Laf is trying to tell Thomas that reader and him are together and to back off but he keeps getting interrupted.” - @zoemonster200

“Request for JFish x reader based on the fact that in an interview he admitted he's showered with someone and said "It's fun, you should try it."-Anonymous

“I have a request for JordanXReader. The two had been dating since before Hamilton, and even though he was busy they always made it work, but Hamilton started doing more shows and it was putting a strain on their relationship when Reader realizes he's getting cozy with one of the stage-members. Reader gets upset and asks Jordan if he's cheating, and whatever you want to happen happens” -Anonymous

“Hi I was wondering if you could possibly do a high school au hamilsquad x reader. Where the reader is really shy and has hard time socializing with others but then the squad just kind of waltzes into her life and refuses to leave and it's really fluffy and cute please?” - @persia-bear

“Platonic Hamilsquad where reader gets into a fight and come home with a bruised eye?” -Anonymous

“An imagine request: Lin x Reader where he teaches the reader some lovely Latin dance? And of course with the implied sexual tension that spicy dancing brings😉 LOL. Congrats on reaching your awesome milestone!!” -Anonymous

“Can I make a request fam? Can you do Daveed×Reader and Daveed has his hair braided by Reader (he is dating them) who works at a salon. He post a photo on Instagram of this happening, and everyone guesses that they are dating and stuff. Which is cute to Daveed and Reader. Thanks love :)” - @boredonatuesdaynight (I will do something a bit of a similar trope that I think you’ll hopefully accept)

“Hi there! Can I request a fic with Daveed x reader (best friends) where Reader is helping out at a carnival or something in a kissing booth, and she's making a lot of money, but on the sidelines, Daveed is getting kinda jealous. He resorts to grumbling with his other friends as he watches until some sleaze ball starts to bother her for more, and so he dramatically goes over and gives enough money that they have to kiss for the rest of her shift and he asks her out after??? Please and thank you!?” -Anonymous

“Hey! I was wondering if you could do a Lin x reader where the reader plays Eliza, and she lost her child, and no one knows [bc it happens before she's in the play] and so one night during the scene where Phillip dies, she gets much more emotional cause it's like the anniversary of her kids death or something as both Lin and Ant notice, and she starts crying offstage and Lin and Ant come find her, and she spills about the child, and Lin, her bf, comforts her? With fluff???” -Anonymous

“Hi! I was wondering if I can request a James Mads fluff and its a kinda like a love at first sight thing idk I just like fluffy stuff. But if you don't feel up to it I don't mind if you can't do it” -Anonymous

“Would you do something with a reader tweet flirting with Rafa until they meet and admit they have a thing, please?” -Anonymous