#i know i have a series ongoing rn but

[cheeriecherrymain]

i had to draw TA!Viktor

[minibaba]

20 chapters into kaguya sama love is war and not feeling it. it's like. ok. which doesn't really surprise me because i read all of oshi no ko last year and that ended up being pretty dull and frustrating, and the high points for me were all industry related so i figured i'd care even less about a high school romcom. but kaguya was (is?) such a popular series that i wanted to at least read enough to confirm i didn't like it. i'll probably read another volume before dropping it

[intomybubble]

I just had to be finishing up my final papers before graduating the same week i have the impulse to reorganize my manga shelf bc I keep getting up to move books around bc IT DOES NOT FEEL RIGHT

[bluetimeombre]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ falling out of love

fans think that you and tom are falling out of love after filming for ballad of songbirds and snakes and you don't post about each other much, so you show them that it's far from the truth.

[heres to 2024 coming soon. this is not part of my ongoing series but a little something else to hold you all over. never proofread, just vibing. btw just watched salt burn and I’m scared of barry now]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

liked by… rachelzegler, joshandresrivera, hunterschafer & others

tomblyth: the vibes are green

893k likes 398k comments

user: he’s so happy!!!

user: um, where’s yourusername?

user: that’s definitely not yourusername

user: they don’t have to be around each other all the time

user: they haven’t been seen together in ages ☹️☹️

user: if they break up I’ll cry myself to sleep every night

user: my man looks so good

user: maybe she just didn’t want to hike (i wouldn’t)

user: 😍😍

user: he’s active again!!!!

user: I miss them

user: where’s yourusername

user: daddy 🔥🔥🔥🔥

user: just wanna know who the girl he’s with is, i just wanna know

user: is that the necklace yourusername gave him?

user: y’all are obsessed!!!

user: let my man live

liked by …. florence.pugh, austinbutler, jaimieflatters & others

yourusername: packing only the essentials

901k likes 650k comments

user: packing?

user: what do you mean packing, where you going?

user: hotmamma

user: I love u

user: where’s tom

user: where is she going? to tom

user: is she leaving tom?

user: I love her whole vibe

user: I hope she’s going to go see tom 😔😔

user: why is she always slaying, it must be so tiring to be her

user: tomblyth

user: tomblyth

user: tomblyth

user: I can’t lose my third set of parents plssss

user: hearts breaking rn

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

user: rip tomblyth and yourusername, I’ll miss you

user: cosying up??? they’re literally just talking

user: it was bound to happen

user: tom!!!! cone get ur gurl

user: crying in the club rn

user: not believing in anything until they confirm

user: I can’t believe it; i won’t

user: love is dead

user: as long as they’re happy

user: they were probably pr for the hunger games and it’s been over two years, who cares now

liked by… jaimieflaters, sadiesink_, zendaya & others

yourusername: that’s a rap on me and my Malibu dude!

871k likes 0comments

[comments restricted]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

‘It’s so over,’

trending on twitter

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

liked by… tomblyth, rachelzegler, jamieflaters, tomholland2013 &others

yourusername: tom and I falling out of love, a compilation

1.1m likes 832k comments

user: oh it’s so back

user: she really said stop it!

user: parents!!!!

user: THANK GOD

user: taking the toaster out of the bath rn

user: goals

rachelzegler: you guys are so cute I’m gonna throw up

user: the fourth picture hello?!?!?!

user: damnnnnn

user: THANK GOD IM SO HAPPY

user: stfu enews

user: he’s such a gentleman in every picture but the fourth

user: I just knows he’s packing

zendaya: ❤️

user: planning the wedding

user: twitter lied!!

liked by … yourusername, rachelzegler, joshandresrivera & others

tomblyth: falling out of love? more like falling in love with every single day that passes. I love you

tagged: yourusername

1m likes 750k comments

user: AHHHHHHHH

user: the posts!!!! the posts!!!!!

user: I just know they picked out these photos together

user: I love them

user: they’re giggling and kicking their feet rn

user: this is the cutest damn couple ever

user: I know they’re so in love because look at like these pictures, so darn cute

user: two years going on forever!!!

user: they could never make me believe you guys were over

user: they were literally probably just laughing off the rumors

user: they had us in the first half, ngl

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

‘Oh it’s so back!’

trending on twitter

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - I hand out a couple of high scores & have qualms about pairs

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. I didn't get many screen shots this week, so welcome to a WALL OF TEXT. Duh duh duh dum.

July 2024 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

We Are Cute (Weds iQIYI) ep 16 fin - TanFang are ridiculous but I have grown to truly love them. ChainPun at the end made me hoot with laughter everyone was a meme of FINALLY. In fact, I loved all the pairs, this was a great ensemble piece.

I was left mildly wondering if Arm will ever lead a BL. 

All in all? 

I really enjoyed this show. It was slow to find its stride (I didn’t get into it until ep 7) but I’m very glad I gave it a chance. It’s a soft ensemble piece with multiple couples and very little plot, but I didn’t care because it’s not trying to be anything more substantial. Essentially this was a series of vignettes covering one year of uni for a queer friendship group finding love, new friends, and laughter. It’s not being harsh with us or it’s characters the way some offerings of this ilk have been (side eyes Friend Zone and Only Friends) nor did it tumble into Gen Y chaos. In fact, this reminded me more than anything of a refined and elevated Love Sick - just with older characters and occurring within a genre that has matured too. It has that close queer friendship group meets earnest gentleness that made me adore Love Sick so much. In other words, this was Thai BL at its finest, finding it roots again 10 years on, but also stretching upwards and showing us what it could do with that original seed. So? I loved it. Did it blow my mind? No. But it left me smiling and made me belly laugh quite a bit. 9/10

Technically it should probably get an 8/10 - too much singing, but I’m bubbling over with nostalgia rn.

Wandee Goodday (Sat YT) ep 12 fin - I struggled to watch that fight. But that’s because it was so well done for a BL. Lots of speeches this ep. (I said too cheesy right before Dee did.)

I like Drake & Title as a new ship. Hope it sails. Also some decent ace rep. 

On a totally different note: Good use of frosting. But… you know I’m gonna say it… NO SINGING. 

Final thoughts:

What a FUN show. A charming quintessentially modern Thai BL about a doctor and a boxer who start as a one night stand and then fall in love. Great rep for everything from Muay Thai, to safe sex, to FUN sex, to ace, to bisexuality, to smiley kisses, to the first legal gay wedding in a Thai BL. It’s a delight and I enjoyed (almost) every single moment of it. 

An easy 9/10. 

I do hope we get more GreatInn.

The Rebound (Weds Gaga) eps 7-8 of 12 - So Ryu’s ma is evil? And Frank is giving me serious second lead syndrome. Also he’s been working out a lot. I noticed my dude, thank you. I don't think we've ever gotten this kind of focus on a side dish before. The show is in dangerous territory, since he's so good he's taking attention away from the leads. Also, I think Zen is completely aware of what is going on with this love triangle, he just doesn’t want to put up with their nonsense. I even like the cute side crumbs. 

On a complete aside: why are crime lords in BL always in bathtubs? Asking for… the other genres. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if The Godfather entirely took place in bathtubs? A Real Man has a large… tub. 

And we end with mass murder? WOW! Chaotically played my dearest pulp! 

Century of Love (Weds Gaga) eps 3-4 of 10 - These boys are playing complicated roles with lots of layers to them. Daou is doing a great job. We can see the old man inside this kid. Offroad... I’m not convinced, he’s chewing the scenery a bit. I actually think he has the more layered and complicated part to play. So I'm giving him a chance to subtly show that cheerful façade fracturing with delicacy. But I worry we may be back in JamFilm territory where one partner can’t quite keep up with the other's skillz.

All of this is to say, this is still a better acted piece than I was expecting. (Although the surrounding cast and special effects are doing our leads no particular favors.)

It’s hugely enjoyable but uneven (with those occasional injections of slapstick humor) I’m not entirely sure the production knows what it wants to be. I wish it had the courage of its convictions to lean into the “I feel you linger in the air” aesthetic. Now that I know Thailand can go there, I’m a bit annoyed when a show like this, which should, doesn’t. Which is not to say I’m not enjoying it. I am. A lot. Just that I should probably lower my expectations. Daou, however, is so damn good, he keeps getting my hopes up.

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 8 - Oh no we have a lonely poor little rich boy. Catnip character for @heretherebedork. Meanwhile, I’m liking the layers of the main romance, with everybody having hidden agendas and such. Nice tension. Of course I love the eroticism around smells. One of my favorite tropes. But I’m not sure I buy the relationship chemistry between the leads when this much lying is going on. 

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 7 of 12 - I am growing to love Fourth's version of this character. He’s so frantic and confused, but in a completely different way from the JBL. It’s a bit more whiny and a bit less cartoonish. But it resonates with me more. He's less of a meme tho. The photo moment! I literally squealed, "Gah!!! They are so cute!"

Linguistic moment. Did you hear in the cupcake section that Half went to rao/ter? Very sweet. (The boys use rao/nai.)

Also, yay for the twist on the school counselor character! Best thing ever. I would like the entire story of Nop & Sin GMMTV, please and thank you. Also… NO SINGING. 

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 6 of 12 - I’m continuing to enjoy this a lot. It’s a fun cast. A touch twee for me, and I’m really hoping they amp up something other than the romance soon, but I don't mind ending my week with these two.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 3 of 12 - I'm enjoying this show so much, just not as a BL (yet). It’s honest to the internship experience of overwhelm (such as I recall, it's been A WHILE). I’m not sure how much BL I’m getting from it thus far. I mean our leads shared a long glance or two but that’s about it. It’s very slow burn. But I don’t mind that since I’m liking the surrounding stuff. Can't stand the girlfriend intern character tho. I hope she get redeemed.  Or killed.

Love Sea (Sun iQIYI) ep 6 of 10 - Halfway through I had already finished my drink out of sheer boredom.  Trash watch here.

Knock Knock Boys (Thurs Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - Frankly I’m finding this relatively dull right now. Lovely kisses tho. Best and Seng are great together, consummate BL pros, not a pair I had on my bingo card. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like how much we can see K’s intense liking and emotional need for this loud broken kid. And how easy it is for him to admit to that truth. Because what he’s going through is so much worse than admitting to having feelings. The acting is fantastic. Sometimes I forget how great Japan can be. And then they decide to remind me. Oh, it’s SO GOOD. 

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 3 of 10 - Another one I’m finding boring. Just japan’s version. The vintage yaoi “old dude creep trope” I see. It’s been a while. 

It's airing but...

Meet You at the Blossom - it's your funeral (or, more likely, one of the main characters'). You can argue but... statistics. You know my feelings on this matter. MY BLOG, remember?

GIF by mypotatokun

In case you missed it

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer released to Korean theaters 5/25. HoTae & DongHee, side couple from Unintentional Love Story are back! Same actors, same character names. I love them. Devastated this hasn't had international distribution. I demand you tell me the moment you find it!

The Last Time (Thai Fri YT) - Got bumped to Aug 2. Convoluted story of loss and possible reincarnation or something.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

July Releases Still To Come

7/24 I Saw You in My Dream (Thai Weds Gaga) - Dee Hup is behind this one so I have high hopes. Younger boy chronically teased his whole life by the older boy next door suddenly starts having horrific prophetic dreams about his bully and must save him.

7/26 4 Minutes (Thai Netflix or iQIYI?) - Great, a rich boy studying business at uni, suddenly gains the supernatural power to see four minutes into the future.

7/29 Battle of the Writers (Thai ????) - trailer here, TutorYim return, and while I adore them, I really hope this is better than Middleman's Love. Won't be hard. However: the premise? Ugh. Something something authors fighting - save me. Why don't writers understand that nothing is more boring than writers?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

No time this week, I'm having computer issues.

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in it's infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

There's these tricks, remember.

[coqhee]

ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE ♡ JAKE SMAU

s. reconnecting with old friends should usually be fun, but when your childhood best friend comes back into town after 7 years apart, all you can feel is awkward tension. or is that tension because of the open-ended confession from 7 years ago? will you rekindle the unaddressed romantic tension between you, or will it drive you insane until you can’t think anymore?

g. friends to strangers to lovers, fluff, slight angst, comedy, cafe owner! reader, corporate ceo! jake

w.  female reader, profanity, mentions of alcohol, jealousy, crack, kms/kys jokes, slang, timeline errors, intentional lowercase

ft. karina, minji, julie, yuna, yeonjun, heeseung, sunghoon, jay

taglist. open, send an ask or comment to be added

n. there will be quite a few written portions as i thoroughly enjoy writing out plotpoints :) yes i know i have another series ongoing (iym) going on rn, i PROMISE i’ll finish that !! i will not be creating a profiles page, for each of the friend groups as both will be small.

back to shelf

♡ CHAPTERS

001 ─ theres no way…

002 ─ we’re so up

003 ─ we’re so down more tba. subject to change.

@ coqhee 2024. all rights reserved

[shoyostar]

original pinned

[ ARCHIVING! ]

hi hii so,,, after a lot of thought and contemplating i think it’d be best for me to archive this blog </3

i came to tumblr nearly a year ago and it’s been fun but now i’m drained + uninspired, n i js have so much stress n negative emotions associated w this blog that now its time to leave and maybe start anew ?

who knows! :>

i’ve gone back and forth with if i should delete my works here or not bcs ik lots of people love them but they’ve js been a constant bad reminder to me and i’m not proud of most of them anymore :<< but as of rn i’ll be leaving them + this blog up!!

(may change in the future but i’m scared of the deact button LOL)

js kinda being on here stresses me out and its no longer fun so i hope that by doing this i can have some peace + you still get to read my old stuff :3

i started this blog js before my first year of uni and i never expected to stay this long on tumblr honestly,, like i was js gonna post a bit for fun n delete my acc LOL but i’m vv thankful for the almost 2k of you who stuck around and enjoyed my writing ^_^

youre all vv sweet n i wish i couldve provided more writing on here for yall to read before archiving this blog TvT i feel like i have nothing here honestly LOL

if my blog does deact, i may repost my fics on my new blog but for now i js wanna be lwk on here and not have to worry abt updating so many series at the same time (so sorry to all dfh, vbs, loveholic ++ all other fans of my ongoing series :<< the stress to write and update is too much for me to handle 😞)

please take care of yourselves and i hope to catch you again someday if you find me !! :3

bye bye!

[eundiarys]

LABYRINTH — ❪ TOMORROW X TOGETHER SMAU SERIES INSPIRED BY TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS ❫

info— hellooo welcome to my first ever series! this series will be txt socmed aus inspired by taylor swift songs, i hope u enjoy ^_^ please note that this isn’t the actual representation of the idols, and that this is merely for entertainment!

THE WAY I LOVED YOU, CHOI YEONJUN 𖦹

pairing — choi yeonjun x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — not being to get over your highschool ex even after he broke your heart is horrible. that’s understandable, especially since he was your first everything. but yn has decided that it’s time to get out of her shell and date again! lucky for her, there’s a perfect candidate for that as her company’s president son is head heels for her. but what if it doesn’t work? what if she still longs for the way he loved her? and what happens if he feels the same?

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol!au academic rivals, enemies to lovers, highschool au (flashback), opposites attract, second chance romance, exes to lovers, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( ONGOING )

CRUEL SUMMER, CHOI SOOBIN 𖦹

pairing — choi soobin x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — summer when you were 17 was the best and worst time of your life, filled with memories you aren’t sure how you feel about. having a summer “fling” is fun until those feelings start to grow. and you know that summer was your favourite season before he left. now that he’s back into your life, will that change?

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, she fell first he fell harder, second chance romance, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

CARDIGAN, CHOI BEOMGYU 𖦹

pairing — choi beomgyu x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — beomgyu was once your everything, and now he is simply just a memory that you want to forget. you both were young and stupid, but for some reason your heart still belongs to him. this time, you are determined change your ending with him to a happy one. but will that actually happen?

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, one sided love, second chance romance, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

ENCHANTED, KANG TAEHYUN 𖦹

pairing — kang taehyun x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — taehyun and yn was known as the inseparable duo ever since kindergarten. and now they are in college. yn also has been in love with taehyun for 7 years, and wants to move on because she knows taehyun will never look at her that way. but when yn goes on a date with a guy taehyun realises that he doesn’t like that idea. a bit too much.

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, college au, she fell first he fell harder, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

YOU BELONG WITH ME, HUENING KAI 𖦹

pairing — huening kai x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — which one is more miserable? being in love with your best friend 10 years and never being able to confess because you don’t want to ruin your friendship or the fact that he’s now interested in having a relationship and wants to go on dates with people on the campus? answer is both. when yn decides to stop liking kai, her friends don’t agree with the idea. her friends and kai’s friends have decided to show kai that what he’s looking for has been here this whole time.

genre — fluff, teeny bit angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, college au, childhood best friends to lovers.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

© eundiarys 2023

( please don’t copy, translate, repost on any other app, or take inspo any of my works without permission! )

jules notes 📝 FINALLY POSTING THIS!!! hope ur all excited im jumping in joy rn

IMPORTANT ‼️ — (1) first of all, im super thankful for @sakuzleaves for making the amazing banners u should all follow her and check out her works because she’s so talented 🥹 <3 (2) taglists are open by smau that is posted, no reservations or anything. (3) taglists for all smaus of this series are open. and for individual masterlist/smau that is being posted are limited to two batches only~ first come first serve i guess! (4) idk when this will start but i hope you guys are as excited as i am >3<

taglist — @zuyairus @ddenoudepression @sserafimez @ox1-lovesick @reverbtunes @vernonweb @flwoie @ja4hyvn @xiaoderrrr @galaxyhalloes @j4y-lvr @taegyuul @trsrina @fairyytyunn @r7yu @taekwondoes @pleasetellmenow @nshimura @soobin-chois @jinsquishes @sakuzleaves @bomugf @ox1-lovesick @eulris @bunnystrm @haknom @txtbrainrot @bluebearybeom @cherriegyu @snowfalltxt @boba-beom @hyeinszn @liyaliar @wonioml @lvrjjun @luvsoobs @strawbrinkofdeath @cecedrake2217 @soobswvrld @yenqa @adajoemaya @cookiehaos @captivq @captivq

[celli-ohs]

accidentally in love!

A five part smau/written series taking place at HYBE University, mainly featuring Tomorrow by Together, as well as various idols from Le Sserafim, Enhypen, Ateez, Aespa, IVE, P1Harmony, Stray Kids, and more. (Yes I know not all of these groups are under HYBE, i just didn’t know what to name the uni lol)

Author’s Note: I have not written on here for a hot minute! I’m more active on ao3 tbh but i wanted to drop this lil(?) series off here, since it’s a smau! Also, I love TXT and their newest album has me in a gorilla grip rn, plus I’m a sucker for college aus. Let me know how you all like this, please share and like!

Status: Ongoing

Last update: 9/12/24

ATTENTION: reply/comment for taglist!

accidentally in love! masterlist

awooga!

shy!soobin x popular!reader; college!au, strangers to friends to lovers! fluff, comedy, angst, (possible smut in the future? idk yet)

Soobin thought you were perfect, the most flawless human being to grace the planet. Not only were you pretty, but you were so charming, and so smart. But most of all you were kind; you always helped others, even when you didn’t need to. And because of that, you were very, very popular. The most popular girl on campus, practically the entire student body knew who you were. Compared to him, you were light years ahead of him in the social hierarchy known as college. That is until you happen to stop by his workplace right before closing one spring night.

hubba hubba!

frat boy!yeonjun x stubborn!reader; collegeau!, unrequited love fluff, comedy, angst (possible smut in the future? idk yet)

At first Yeonjun just thought you were playing hard to get. There was no way you didn’t find him attractive. It was a fact that he was the epitome of sexy. And you should know he only goes for pretty girls, you should feel special! He chose you! Yeonjun's certain you like him back, you're just stubborn. But when you finally knocked some sense into him–literally you punched him–you thought he’d get his act together and leave you alone. Instead, you’ve got a nearly six-foot lost puppy of a man following you everywhere, begging for your attention.

yeowza!

gamer!beomgyu x streamer!reader' collegeau!, fake relationship fluff, comedy, angst (possible smut in the future? idk yet)

To be honest, Beomgyu thought you sucked. He could definitely play any video game on planet Earth and beat you. But with a pretty face like yours, it's not like you really needed to win for people to view your channel. And if he was going to be completely honest, he wasn’t actually complaining, he was a fan after all. So what does that mean for Beomgyu when he's suddenly become your 'boyfriend' in the span of two minutes?

badump badump!

athlete!taehyun x loser!reader; collegeau!, friends to lovers fluff, comedy, angst (possible smut in the future? idk yet)

Usually Taehyun was calm and collected, level-headed. He was exceptionally talented as a pitcher and he had great aim. Except this time, when it’s tryout season and even though he’s been practicing as a pitcher for what seems like his whole life, he threw a baseball and it hit you right in the head. After a trip to the ER, Taehyun learns you’re a living breathing bad luck charm. But after your sudden collision (with his ball) both of you have a sudden wave of good fortune every time you meet. Maybe it was a coincidence, or maybe it was fate?

bazooing!

nerd!kai x bad girl!reader; collegeau!, opposites attract fluff, comedy, angst (possible smut in the future? idk yet)

Six-foot-tall baby of a man Kai was about to piss his pants. Not because he actually had to pee, but because he’s hiding from the cops, stuck in an alleyway with you. Not like being alone with you was bad, but girls like you made him nervous; you were known for being a bit scandalous. But when you save him from getting a criminal record, Kai begins to truly see you for who you really are. His friends say he’s wearing rose-tinted glasses, but he knows better, and it’s definitely not because you made out with him to avoid the cops. 

reblogs appreciated!

[miyamoratsumuu]

post may or may not be cringe, but we're rolling with it 🤙🏼

I dreaded having to do this (again) all year long, but guess who's going on a semi-hiatus!!!! hint: me ☝🏻 (I'll call it semi bc I'll prob be lurking around here and there still, lmao)

most of you may know, but I've been super busy with school lately given that I'm graduating this year, sooo I'm predicting it rn I won't be able to write anything for a while 😞

it's not that I don't have free time at all, it's just that everything that's been on my mind lately is shoolschoolschool, and I almost never think of anything else 😭 + I can't find it in myself to have the mental capacity to balance everything I have going on here and aiming to be at the podium once graduation comes around

though I will be posting chapter 6 of push & pull this week, AND maybe a teaser for score his heart?? but idk, we'll see! if I do end up posting both of those, I think that'll be it for a while

I'm so sorry to be letting anyone down, especially those who have been enjoying my ongoing series so far</3 I promise that once I make the time to write in between school and my social life outside of tumblr, I'll be back to writing/posting better than ever!!

I'll just take this opportunity to thank everyone for supporting me and my works this past summer vacation!! I truly believe I wouldn't have been able to survive the summer heat without you all 🤕

thank you all so so much, I hope you understand!! as I mentioned, I'll still be lurking around the app and answering asks/messages if necessary!! I LOVE YOU ALL SOOO MUCH, I'LL BE BACK BETTER THAN EVER, I PROMISE!!<33

[tr-mha-fan]

Im tired of seeing all these Takemichi haters, so here's a little something that might change your mind

Idk if I can get everything in my mind down here, but it's better than nothing

⚠️ MANGA SPOILER WARNING ⚠️

Hygiene

Everybody hates on Takemichi for his poor hygiene and dirty apartment in the future, but I don t think they understand the fact that he's depressed. Cleanliness doesn't matter to anybody who's depressed, to them, there's no point in life, they want to die, so why should they clean up anyway? Now, before you say, 'why TF was he depressed? He hadn't even started time traveling yet!' let me explain this to you. Takemichi was beat up and used as a slave most of his childhood by people he barely even knew, he ran away from home as soon as he graduated middle school, and started living in his own and working as much as he could to be able to afford a place to stay and some food. He watched his friends die in front of him, hell, Draken died in his arms!! Now, please don't tell me If you were in his place you wouldn't have gotten depressed.

2. Weak

Alright, this one really gets on my nerves. Everybody is always complaining about how Takemichi is so weak and he's a bad mc, these people obviously don't understand the point of the ENTIRE show. The literal theme (thanking ELA class rn) of TR is that 'You don't need muscles to be a hero'. Takemichi is supposed to be weak because he's not your regular, run of the mill Hero. He reminds everyone of Shinichiro because of his weakness and determination. You CANNOT hate on Takemitchy but not hate on Shin because their personalities are literally one and the same!! Now, ik this is gonna sound like some My Little Pony shit, but literally, Takemichi's 'strength' comes from his friends who are always there for him!

3. Stupidity

Alright, same as above, Takemitchy is supposed to be stupid, that's his point. I won't elaborate.

4. Character Development

Alright, this is the one that annoys me the most. You'd find that most of the people who hate on Michi for not getting enough character development are anime-only fans. I want you guys to understand the the anime is still ongoing. Takemitchy's MAIN development happens in the non-animated parts of the Manga. Please finish a series before judging, PLEASE. Not only that, but Takemitchy does get some development in the animated parts too! Going from somebody who doesn't want to live, to somebody who wants to save his girlfriend and stay alive for her is development! Going from an idiot who can't even stand up in front of opponents, to someone who can withstand a beating (from Taiju nonetheless!!) and throw a few punches is development! It's not much, it's not big, but it's still there!

5. Crybaby

Don't tell me if you were Takemichi, you wouldn't be a crybaby. He lived an awful life, and when he got the ability to relive and change it, he kept on seeing his girlfriend, bestfriend, and all his friends dying in front of him. You can't expect him to not become a crybaby because what he went through is TOO MUCH for any regular person! And its also part of his personality

6. Unloyal

Ok, I understand why some people hate him for this. Sure, he was in the karaoke with Emma, but that was past Michi and not future Michi, future Michi panicked and left as fast as he could. He didn't want to cheat on Hina!! And Senju, he didn't know she was a girl, he just went along thinking he'd just be some random gofer to this guy. The other time, at amusement park, he wanted to make sure she won't die after he saw that vision (I don't remember if he agreed to it before or after getting the vision, but you get it)

[callsigndragon]

Even if the world ends tonight | Bob Floyd

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x ex-gf!reader

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: uranium mission and all that it implies, protective Bob, and good friend Phoenix <3

Request:

'Even after breaking up. They still find ways back to each other.' With Bob?? He gives me the vibes of still being in love with his ex and the Uranium mission put everything into perspective

A/N: okay so life is getting in the way and I can't write as much as I want to. I'm not feeling like updating the two ongoing series i have rn so you're gonna get a lot of one shots in the upcoming days hahah

This world wasn't for everyone. Bob knew that much. And yet, he didn't ask you if you wanted to be part of it. He just guessed that if you wanted to be with him, you understood and accepted the consequences. 

Being with an aviator means always fearing that every morning when your partner walks out the door, maybe that's the last time you're going to see them. You accepted that in a way, knowing the risks but also that a short amount of time with Bob in your life was better than living a life without him. 

That is what you used to tell him. But Bob knew that it had become too much for you. Because you lost that sweet, precious smile that made him fall for you. Your eyes had lost that beautiful shine, becoming voids of fear and worry. 

You stopped being yourself. And Bob knew that he was the one to blame. That he was slowly and unintentionally destroying you. 

So he did what he thought was right.

He broke up with you without many explanations. 

And boy, didn't that break his soul in a hundred pieces. 

A few weeks later, the empty shell of what once used to be Lieutenant Robert Floyd, set foot in Top Gun again, for a special detachment. He graduated a few years prior to this, but it felt like yesterday. 

Lucky for him, none of the other aviators knew him, so he wouldn't have to answer awkward questions about his partner. 

Or so he thought. 

The night before the mission, Nat and Bob sat down in the flight deck, watching as the last rays of sun painted the clouds with orange and almost red colors. Earth was a beautiful place, and people like him, Phoenix, and the others fought every day to make sure that thousands of people could live to see another sunset. 

"Hey, Bob," Phoenix asked, looking at the wizzo when he hummed in response. "Is there anyone waiting for you back home?" 

And here it was. The dreadful question. 

"There was," he answered, taking off his glasses and rubbing the sore spots. "But I broke up with her." 

"Did she cheat?" Phoenix questioned again, and Bob could almost see how a litany of profanities gathered on the tip of her tongue, ready to destroy that girl who cheated on his friend.

"No, she didn't. She was the sweetest girl." 

"Then… what happened?" 

"This life was destroying her. She didn't smile that much, she wasn't happy." 

Phoenix's frown was as deep as the sea in front of them. "She told you that?" 

"No, I just knew." Bob said, putting on his glasses again. "She never had to tell me."

"Not even when you explained to her why you broke up with her? Weird."

Bob looked down for a second, embarrassment spreading over his body. "I never told her why I broke up with her." 

"You're shitting me."

Bob's sad chuckle confirmed that, in fact, he wasn't lying. And that made Phoenix feel ten times worse. "Bob! You were worried about her, and maybe she was as worried as you were! You lost a girl that loved you because you never sat down to ask and just assumed that she wasn't strong enough to be a Navy girlfriend?" 

"...I fucked up, didn't I?"

"Oh, buddy. That doesn't cover it." 

Next day, after successfully destroying the target, Bob and the other members of the team find themselves in a coffin corner, being followed by missiles. The wizzo realizes that he has messed up more than he can ever put into words. Because right there and then, while looking at the sky in what could be his last living seconds, all he could think about was you, your voice, your touch, and your smile. He wants his last thoughts to be about you, and only you. 

Eventually, they manage to escape and come back to the carrier in one piece, even Maverick and Rooster, who had crashed their planes to save each other. 

After the mandatory celebrations due to a job well done, Bob sits down in the flight deck, thinking over and over about you, and how, maybe, it’s not too late to come back, apologize, and win you back. 

Little did he know at that moment that his team members had a great surprise in store. 

“Okay guys, I think we should all head to the Hard Deck and properly celebrate that the mission is over.” Hangman says, patting Bob’s back. “And you’re coming too, buddy.” 

“I wish I could, but… I have some important matters to attend to.” Retorts Bob, grabbing his bag to step off the carrier. 

“Nope, nope, nope.” Nat insists while getting the bag from Bob’s hands. “I’m keeping your bag so you can’t leave.” 

Bob, who just wanted to get out of here and run to your house, quite literally, so he could ask for forgiveness, is getting a bit mad about his friends’ sudden interest in throwing a party. “Guys, I don’t want to be a dick, but you better give me my bag right now.”

“Woah, hermano, relax! It’s just a party.” Mickey says, placing both hands on Bob's shoulders to make him walk to the end of the deck. 

“I don’t want a damn party, I want to go and beg Y/n to take me back!” 

For the first time since they knew him, Bob raised his voice, noticing the redness of his face and ears. He’s really mad. 

“You don’t need to beg.” 

Bob almost whimpers when he hears that voice coming from behind him. He watches the faces of his friends, from Payback’s small smile, to Nat’s teary-eyed grin. He turns around, slowly, afraid that it’s just a dream, or worse, that this is just the afterlife, that he died on the mission, and he has reached his personal heaven where you, the love of his life, welcome him with open arms, like his own personal angel. 

“Y/n?” He whispers, his wobbly legs moving him slowly in your direction. “Are you really here?” 

“It’s me, Robby. I promise.” You chuckle, and Bob is starting to think that the idea of him being dead is not as absurd as it seemed in the first place. How could he hear the divine cadence of your laugh or see your shiny, beautiful eyes if he wasn’t in heaven? 

“I died in that mission, right?” He mumbles once he’s only inches away from you, your soft hands caressing his cheeks. 

“No, idiot. Nat called me and told me everything you told her about me not being happy anymore and whatever stupid thought you had.” You shake your head and take a deep breath. “Honey, my work as your partner is worrying about you. It’s the only thing I can do.”

“But I don’t want you to always be worried about me not coming back one day.” Bob insists, placing his hands over yours, which are still on his face. “You should be happy.” 

“And I’m happy, love. Because when you get back from a mission, I know that the world is a bit of a better place and that you are safe and home with me. You don’t need to push me away to protect me, okay? I’ll be with you, every day, every night, as long as you want me.” He presses his forehead against yours, closing his eyes as silent tears wet your fingertips. 

“Even if the world ends tonight?” He asks, a silly question he asked once after too many beers. It became an important thing for you two. 

“Even if the world ends tonight, there’s no other place I’d rather be. Here with you.”

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” 

“Well, from what I’ve heard, you and your friends saved the day.” You kiss his forehead, trying to make him feel better. “Robert Floyd, I know that you think I deserve better. But, be honest, can I even get anything better? You’re the perfect package!” 

“I’m not perfect.” Bob argues, opening his eyes to see a scowl on your face. 

“You might not be perfect, but you’re perfect for me, and that’s all I care about.” You finally say, a smile accompanying your words. 

Bob sighs, smiling at last, for what feels like the first time in weeks. “I love you so much, angel.” 

“I love you too, honey.” 

“Can you, like, I don’t know, kiss?” Rooster yells from a few feet away, the Dagger nodding to his words. 

“Have you been watching?” Bob asks, his eyes widening. 

“Of course! We brought her, now you kiss her and come with us to party, not only to celebrate that the mission is over, but that you got your girl back!” Javy says, looking at you. “And I’m sure that Mrs. Floyd over here wants to meet all of us.” 

“Of course I want to meet Bob’s new friends!” You nod, looking at Bob’s rolling eyes. “Come on, we stay a bit, and then we go. Just a bit.” 

“Okay, we’ll go to the Hard Deck.” He pauses for a second and tilts his head. “Did he call you Mrs. Floyd?” 

“I like how it sounds…” You sheepishly admit, walking away to introduce yourself to the other aviators. 

“Yeah… I like that too.” He mutters to himself, realizing that you’re not going to be a Navy girlfriend much longer. 

[writingsbyzuzu]

the alchemy!

chapter two!

summary: you meet hasan, and quite frankly, you aren't that impressed

sorry this one is a bit short! trying to warm back up to this series

warnings: reader is a bit of a jerk to hasan but hasan is a meathead when drunk

“I think you’d look sexier in the black one,” Blaire calls out. Janet gives a resolute nod, the two of the sprawled out on her bed. “I’m not wearing the black one,” you respond, grabbing a different dress. “Scared of attention?” Blaire asks.

“More like scared of a frat guy puking on me and being in my vicinity,” you tease, as Blaire snatches the dress from your hand. “It’s a frat party. There’s going to be frat guys. Besides, you haven’t been out with someone since Zach,” Janet points out.

You stiffen at the mention of your brief ex. “Well, excuse me, not everyone has time for a great romance like you and Kieran,” you gesture at Janet, before turning to Blaire, “and…”.

There’s a pause as you forget Blaire’s boyfriend’s name.

“Ludwig. You better remember it when you meet him in an hour. Now, you might not have time for a boyfriend, but you have time to get piped down. Everyone does. No excuses. Zach was nothing but shit sex, and you deserve better than that, so get fucking dressed.” 

You roll your eyes at her statement, but get in the bathroom to change none the less.

An hour later the girls of your friend group are standing in the Gamma Pi house, a rager already ongoing. You see Blaire drag a blond guy towards you. "Lud, these are my girls. Janet, Lydia, Lucy, Birdie, and of course, my roomie."

"Nice to meet you," he shouts over the music, taking time weirdly enough to shake each of your hands. "So you're her roommate?" he asks you. You nod in response. "Let me get you a drink as an early 'sorry' gift."

You laugh, and Blaire swats Ludwig's arm. "I like this one," you gesture at Ludwig, looking at Blaire. "Self aware and is willing to give me free drinks? Keep him."

He laughs in response, heading to grab you a drink. "Girls, let's mingle, have some fun," Janet cheers out. The rest of the girls disperse, including Blaire and Janet who head to the dance floor.

Your phone buzzes.

ellis 🎸💙: you having fun ace?

you: not really

ellis 🎸💙: of course not. you would have had more fun with people with braincells

you: lmaoooo it would be more fun with you rn

ellis 🎸💙: ;) goodnight ace

You get pulled out of your conversation with a tap on your shoulder, and turn to see...woah.

A tall, muscular dude with dark curly hair who looks like he'd be ripped straight of a romance novel.

His eyes widen slightly at looking at you, before shaking his head slightly.

"Has anyone gotten you a drink?" he yells over the music. You nod, and he looks for something to say. "Can I get you one anyways?"

"No thanks." You give him a look. You would rather get one yourself, you only accepted one from Ludwig because you know Blaire would rip him into shreds if anything happened to you that he caused. Why would you accept one from this sexy stranger?

"Who are you here with? You don't look like anyone's girlfriend or sister or anyone," he asks, looking around. "You're too cute to be alone."

"1, I think you wouldn't be able to tell if I was either of those things. Genetics are weird, and for all you know, my date's in the bathroom."

He raises an eyebrow, and you can tell he's not convinced. "What's number 2?" You couldn't tell yet if you hated his voice or not, but his persistence on conversation was annoying you.

"I'm Ludwig's girlfriend's roommate."

"Oh the blonde girl!" You wrinkled your nose at that. Blaire was many things, a lovely roommate and friend, and to be reduced to just "that blonde girl" pissed you to no end. You definitely did not like Mr. Romance Frat Boy now.

"Yeah," you say, as Ludwig comes back with your drink. Thank fucking god, you were being put out of your misery. "I see you met my roommate," Ludwig cheerfully announces. Wait... what?

"This is Hasan, roommate and best friend. Hasan, this is my girlfriend's roommate."

You groan internally. This means a lot more interactions with this meathead. They keep chatting, but Hasan keeps looking at you out of the corner of his eye.

Blaire is dancing with Janet on the dance floor. She sees you, looking uncomfortable as hell talking to the guys, and gestures for you to come over.

"I see you met Hasan, what do you think?" she asks it in a tone you know all too well. You groan. "Not a chance in hell."

"We'll see about that," Blaire winks. "Now dance with us," Janet pleads. So you do.

The meathead never stops staring at you for the rest of the night.

After the party dies down, Blaire says goodbye to Ludwig on the Gamma Pi porch. You and Janet wait for her at the bottom of the steps, rolling your eyes at how corny they were being.

Kieran and Markus pull up in Kieran's car. Markus stares straight head, trying to not look at Blaire actively tongue wrestling Ludwig.

Kieran, seeing his best friend in anguish, honks his horn. Blaire finally separates from Ludwig with a disgusting pop, and bounds down the stairs. As the two of you walk down the path to the car, you hear the door behind you.

"I didn't get your actual name," Hasan calls out. The guys turn to look at Hasan, as Blaire and Janet open the rear doors of the car and clammer in.

You stand there for a second, before turning to look at him.

"That's because I didn't give it to you."

"Oh." He raises his eyebrows into that stupid expression again, before talking once more. "Okay then. See you around...tiny dancer."

You roll your eyes once more, getting into the car. When you get back to Murphy Hall, you and Blaire crash on your beds.

"What did you think of Hasan?"

"He's a meathead. I could not possibly ever be interested in a guy like that, no matter how hot he is."

"So you think he's hot?" She lifted her head to smirk at you.

"Goodnight, Blaire." You shut off the light.

Goddamn meathead.

[with-love-from-hell]

An update.

(Created June 9th, 2024)

Hello my lovely readers (both old and new). It has been a very hot minute since I have posted anything and I recognize that. I just wanted to give a short little update on some asks/comments I've been getting recently about my very low activity outside of reblogs.

A lot of stuff has happened personally over the past year or so that has left my thirst for writing completely dried up. I won't go into a lot of details, but there have been a lot of changes in friendships, amongst me training to be a supervisor at work (and completely changing my location of practice and working through a company merger), some more internal conflicts about whether me and my partner are having/adopting kids, amongst many other things. The time I would usually spend writing was during downtime at work, where I had no charting and many cancelations, and that has not been the trend lately- plus there is now a security blocker on my computer that completely blocks Tumblr from use, as well as Google Doc, which were previously the only two places I would draft my writings.

This is not me saying goodbye to writing all together. I still really love and enjoy it, but am needing to find some more free time and get back up the motivation to continue writing, which I have been hoping for over the past 9 or so months, but never happened. Because of this, I haven't moved my blog into "Hiatus", which I'm thinking I'm going to do now to avoid shame over having it open reciecing requests, and feeling too overwhelmed to even respond to them.

So for now, I am putting my blog into Hiatus.

Tips on Kofi are still accepted, but I will absolutely not be asking for any since I know I haven't been giving my all to writing lately, plus there are much more important things your money can be going to rn, like victims of the genocide in Palestine and Palestinian liberation.

In regards to my ongoing series:

I will eventually return to Melancholia, I really just don't know when. I likely will need to do a re-read of everything I've done with it and the parent series before that happens though, which is a lot to go through. I'm not making any promises, but my goal is to finish the series- I will say that much.

As for 5-sides: I completely stopped writing this one for now because I am going through a re-write of the series. Mostly because of the friendship shifts which resulted in 1 individual in the series being removed from my life, plus some shifts in other dynamics in that group. In addition, there were some things I felt I rushed and I could have done better at writing or incorporating devilgrams into the story, so I want to go back and comb through that one as well. I know this one didn't get much engagement because it's OC/my insert content, but it means a lot to me and I will be taking time to re-do it.

As for requests: I am going to put a pause on them until Melancholia is finished (which, like I said, doesn't have a clear timeline). I will also remind folks who do send in requests once they do open back up:

I am not your therapist, so please don't ask me for specific help with a problem you're having. I'm professionally trained and licensed as a therapist, but it is unethical (and illegal) for me to provide services without any agreements, HIPPA compliant technology, or respect for licensing laws that vary state to state, and even if it was, it is not something I want to do in this space. If you need help, please utilize Google or Psychology Today to find any services in your area.

Please keep requests somewhat simple and generalizable to a wider audience. I'm don't necessarily like writing for an mc with a Laundry list of diagnoses/problems occurring at once that seem *very* personal to the individual requesting, as I have many content enjoyers who want to relate to the writing I produce for free. This also takes up a lot more of my time researching to ensure I'm depicting everything correctly. This type of request is much better suited for a commission, given how much time and personalization goes into it. That doesn't mean you can't request writing for a specific diagnosis or problem (such as an eating disorder, self harm, or trauma) though. That I do encourage!

I am a person with a life outside of Tumblr. I have a full time job, an elder pet who needs significant attention, and a decent sized chunk of family and fiends that I am engaged with regularly off of the internet. Please don't harass me about your requests unless I have given you a clear timeline and am not providing updates. If you're just checking in that I have recieved them, I will reply to that and inform you that status of your request. However, you DO NOT need to send me a ton of messages asking the same thing when I had clearly indicated I was/am going to be working on it or that I'm not quite in the space to work on it, but would inform you when I was or tag you in it when its completed. This makes me far less likely to want to write your request. While it doesn't happen often, I've gotten it about commission requests a few times over the past few months and I just wanted this to serve as a gentle reminder.

I do look forward to getting the motivation to write again, and I appreciate all my readers who have supported me (not just with comments, likes, reblogs, and engagement, but financially as well when times were tough). I am so grateful for all of you and I appreciate so much that you all enjoy my writing enough to want to see more. I hope you all understand where I'm at, and can respect that while I take the time that I need ❤️

[makriiii]

Wary accord (Arthur morgan × f!reader)

Summary: Invited to Angelo Bronte's garden party, you couldn't see anything fairing well. However, as the evening fades to night, and nothing goes wrong, you let yourself enjoy it more than you planned.

Word count: 3.4k

Authors notes: This is just a one-shot with heavily referenced themes from my ongoing series rn - Caught. I had to take a break from writing hardcore and unadulterated angst. ☠️ I'm also open to any suggestions, so send them in! ;)

Warnings/tags: Lots of fluff, 90% sfw, mentions of wounds, guns, some angst.

Ao3!

Pt1 to Caught!

♡

Wary Accord.

Jack ran into his fathers arms with glee, you were just as happy as he was that he was safe and okay.

You were sure this night would've ended in blood shed. Instead, you begrudgingly had to do Bronte's dirty work, handling some grave robbers with Arthur and John.

You didn't much enjoy partaking in being nothing more than a lackey, especially for someone like Angelo Bronte. This made even worse when you heard what Dutch had to say.

"Mr. Bronte has invited us to a garden party at the mayors house." He announced, still seeming unbelieving in the invite himself whilst he chuckled. "And us, just simple country folk."

This didn't delight you, fully willing to stay behind that day if you could, but you feared something might go awry and it'd be best if you were there to help. You felt much with Arthur and John there. Plus, that Dutch. He has his way with his words, and you trusted those words.

-

You'd been busy helping Pearson all day, the whispers of dusk finally upon the camp. Ready to relax, you sat up against a tree near Hosea looking forward to dinner when you were suddenly startled awake by Dutch.

"Come on!" He shrieked, "If we are gonna make it to this party, we sure as shit better clean up a little."

The party. You'd completely forgotten about the party. Your original plans for the night squandered.

"So we're doing this?" Arthur asks, disbelieving you were to actually attend.

"Oh yeah." Hosea acknowledged. "Old friend Dutch Van der linde has finally shown his true colours." He teases.

Hosea could always make you smile, if not full on laugh. "Social climbing." He states flatly.

"Old Signor Bronte, that horrendous snake has invited us to the ball, Cinderella." He addressed to Arthur. You'd be sure to tease him with that later on.

"So my suggestion is we go and get you a gown." He chuckles, Hosea laughing along with him.

While they walk by, you try not to catch attention, putting ur hat lower over your face, to which Hosea comes over and flicks it off.

"You too y/n. We don't want to insult Mr. Bronte." Hosea chimes in front of you chuckling softly.

You got up hesitantly to travel into town with them, knowing your fate long since been sealed.

-

Your mares gait matched Arthur's. It wasnt long since you had made it into town with a group of people you never saw yourself attending a ball with.

"Arthur?" You glance to your side to see if you had his attention.

His eyes met yours instantly when you asked his name oh-so-calmly. "What is it?"

"Have you been to a ball before?"

"No," he gives you an airy laugh. "Not too many people like me have."

"Well, I hope you know how to behave then." You poked fun at him, your usual goal.

"Yeah? And what would you know about behaving?"

"More than you I reckon. We'll see who gets booted out quickest."

"Deal." He jokes, nodding with a funny look on his face.

"You know, I hope it's not too costly, I don't see another occasion that I'll use a dress again." You murmured, trailing off into your thoughts, counting the money you had now in your head.

"I can see that," he coughs a laugh out, looking you up and down. "I've never seen you in somethin' so fancy."

Your brows furrow, knowing the meaning behind his tease.

"I'd like to see you run around in a thick skirt, Morgan. I don't think you'd be so tough anymore." A grin splits across your face as the image of him with a skirt on whilst chasing someone down on foot crosses your mind.

"You doubt me too much." He fights back a small smile that tugs at his lips. "I could outdo you first try."

You started giggling when the little Arthur in your head tripped over and tumbled in response to his bet.

He raises a brow, questioning your sudden fit of laughter with just a glance.

"You wanna take me up on that offer? We'll race." Then, you thought of bringing heels into the equation.

You stopped him before he went to speak in between wheezes, adding the heels into the challenge. Now he didn't look so confident.

"If you can find a pair of heels that would fit me." He couldn't help but give up on his faked seriousness, all while you couldn't contain yourself.

You looked down to his feet, wiping tears from your eyes as you observe his feet.

"Don't think there's any that'd fit your fat feet."

"Well then, You're outta' luck ain't ya."

You exhaled sharply, calming your chest after all that cackling. "But we have to find the perfect slipper for you, Cinderella."

"Oh, shut it-" He pauses mid sentence to point to a store with dresses and suits on display. "Think that's our place, y/n." Dutch, Bill and Hosea already dismounting in front of it.

You sat in awe as you turned your horse to the ties right outside. You hadn't noticed this the last time you were through here.

"Careful, don't lose yourself in there." He snickers, dismounting with you. Clearly you had made your gawking too obvious.

"Oh please," you swat at him as you both walk for the door. "I'm not that bad."

When he opens the door to the inside, the slightly cooler air relieved you, everything smelt fresh, polished wood and all. This wasn't a place for an outlaw, made all the clearer when you spotted the clerk.

The store clerk instantly looked taken aback by your groups presence. Maybe you should've considered leaving your guns outside.

He wasn't all for you in his store, but you greeted him as softly as you could, keeping your hands well away from your dangerous metal contraptions.

"What can I do for you... folk?" His voice shrill and accented with what you could only assume as french.

Dutch waves over Arthur, who gives you one last glance before they all go to a different part of the shop, leaving you awkwardly standing there alone.

The man walks up to you after sorting out Arthur and the rest of them. "I assume you're looking for an evening gown?"

You nod, "Yeah, something that isn't too costly?"

He hums his consideration, scanning you up and down. "Measurements?" He asks out of the blue.

Now your face flushed. You would have infinitely no idea, which made you feel even more dumb.

"I-" You look away for a moment trying to think if you even knew. "I couldn't tell you..."

He makes a noise as if he already knew, gesturing his hand at you to follow him.

He sped walk so fast to your surprise, you weren't sure why he was in such a rush, having you near to jogging just to keep up.

When you reached a paltry, bright room with fabrics adorning mannequins. He had you remove most of your outer clothing and equipment. Discarding it to a chair left of you.

He was rather swift with your measurements, wandering around to find a small selection of dresses that he said would fit, with some adjustment of course.

You picked the prettiest of the bunch, almost feeling like a little girl again. Getting a new dress. It excited you - mostly.

"I'll let you try these all on, and your little boyfriend can hobble over to see, whenever he's done. But- over there." Now he shoo'd you to a dressing room, he seemed like he was trying to get the lot of you out of his store swiftly.

The curtain slid aggressively behind you, leaving you stunned inside, which you shook off but not without an amount of confusion.

You groaned, forgetting just how much of a hassle getting on dresses was, it took you a good while each dress you tried on, thankfully only three.

Once you got down the last dress - your favorite - you heard Arthur chime from behind the curtain, startling you so bad you jumped to cover yourself.

(Leaving the dress desc vague so you can come up with your own.)

"Can I see?" He questions, a mere curtain being all that separates you. He'd seen you unclothed before, but now it felt different.

"No, I'm half-naked." You scolded, but your disgruntled attitude quickly washed away when your eyes widened with shock.

Your words had only seemed to rev him up. His hand grasped at the curtain, but you stopped it before it folded back any further, slapping away his hand.

"Quit that you no-good buzzard." You hissed, fearing that the rest of the gang would hear, which would be too much for you to bear.

He crows in response, but doesn't continue dragging the curtain further. "I've seen you much more indecent than that, y/n."

Your face runs hot with his words, prompting you to start swatting and punching at the curtain to get him away.

"Get outta here before the sales clerk thinks we're doing some silly business back here." You fussed, mumbling lowly enough just for him to hear.

This prompted a defeated sigh, from the other side of the curtain. "Just give me another minute." You half-consoled, not a shred of empathy for him.

He came for the dress no doubt, but he preferred no dress just as much if not more.

"Okay, okay." He laughs, his spurs clicked as he took a few steps back.

Pulling up the sleeves that rested just by your shoulders, you took a look in the mirror.

The dress revealed a hell of a lot more than what you were use to, your bullet scar on your arm prevalent, though you didn't mind as much as thought you would.

With this dress on, there was no room for guns. So you had come prepared with a small thigh holster, only allowing for a tiny pistol.

You weren't sure what you were to do with your hair. Tapping your foot, to which you realized, you didn't have heels neither. This all getting more costly than you had hoped for.

Nestling your hair up into a loose bun, you quickly gathered the rest of your clothes before you forgot them to stuff into your saddle bags.

When you finally pulled back the curtain, you glared at Arthur with a 'are you happy now?' look for a minute. He himself stood dashing, if you put it lightly. A regular tuxedo, even on him, looked way better than it should.

You only gave him a small grace period before you walked passed him to find some heels.

"Wait-" He reaches for your arm and holds you back. "Let me get a better look, Miss l/n."

You stood in front of him awkwardly, his eyes quite literally feasting upon you which made you anxious and squirmy in his grasp.

"Hmm." His initial ogle replaced by his typical sarcastic grin, which already had you ready to sock him. "Looks fine enough, I suppose."

"And you?" You made it a point to make it noticeable that you eyeballed him up and down. "They might not let you in." It was a lie, and he could tell.

"You shoulda seen your face when you first came out." Puffing his chest out, much too proud. You gave him a small slap to his bicep, shaking your head.

Meeting with Hosea, Dutch and Bill, you finished the rest of your affairs. Climbing into the back of a carriage to eventually join the party.

-

The mayors house was magnificent, and damnably large. It felt daunting as it loomed over you.

Your eyes caught onto all of the intricate wood decals that sprinkled the faultless paint job. Every thing well lit by the warm street lights.

It wasn't a place you felt you belonged in with the life you led. Especially not with the people that were attending; Corrupt politicians and crime lords.

This whole situation was brittle and you had to run it nicely - not peeve anyone off.

A man greeted Dutch, then told the lot of you, no guns. No one suspected you of your gun, delightfully. So you followed everyone inside after they unenthusiastically handed over their weapons.

when you reached the inside, you flicked your head around to catch all the details in the interior. You had really only heard talk of such extravagant places like these. Certainly an experience, you thought.

Dutch looked to you, Hosea and Bill and told you to join the party whilst him and Arthur followed the man who led them to Bronte up a flight of stairs.

Your face soured, you had only a faint idea on how to seem a natural when speaking to the high flyers. Never the less, you did.

Eventually, you spotted Arthur who finally had left the balcony where he conversed with Bronte and Dutch. You dismissed yourself from the two men you spoke with, making your way to him.

"So? Did you find anything out?" You question, hoping he found out more than you had.

"No... not really. He suggested a take at the trolley station."

Your brow strung up. A trolley station? That sounded unusual to you.

"Good money, I suppose?"

He wasn't so sure either. "So it sounds. Dutch seems to trust it."

"Very well then." Nodding your head, in acceptance. "Whats he want us to do next?"

He hooks your arm in his abruptly, feeling a blush heat your face with his sudden act of affection.

"Try to talk to the mayor, get info." He says lowly, leaning over slightly as he walks with you to a group of men.

They stood in a small circle, chattering amongst themselves, scolding a man to their right that was much too drunk.

Arthur waited a moment before releasing you and reprimanding the man himself by touring him out. Leaving you with them alone.

They greeted you, to which you introduced yourself, waiting for Arthur to return, which he did, promptly.

They exchanged pleasantries for only a second before a series of pops interrupts their speak.

A splatter of blazing colours fill the dark sky, instantly captivating you. This wasn't something you'd seen before in all your long years of life.

You automatically pulled Arthurs hand to get a better view together. The sounds of the crowd behind you gasping and awing amongst the booms that sounded from the sky.

The bright twinkling and sparkling only lasted seconds each, spirals and scatters, each their own neon colours.

Greens, reds, blues, faded into smoke that matched the parted clouds, new splashes of colour never seizing to paint the gray and black behind them.

You stood in front of Arthur, sinking your head into his chest, gazing at all of the captivating lights before you.

Maybe your feelings for Arthur held you tighter than you cared to admit. He was still the one who had committed atrocities against you, which you weren't so quick to let go of.

Spinning around, you looked up to him, the blue in his eyes would perfectly match the skies if it were day, instead reflecting all the crackling lights you missed with your back turned.

"You know how to dance, don't you?" You beam, his hand in yours.

"No?-" He questions, not anticipating just what you had in store for him.

"Perfect!" Your hand tightens around his, leading him to the gazebo that stood not far from where you gathered just a moment before.

"I don't reckon we have time to embarrass ourselves right now."

"Oh, yes, you do. Believe it not, I still recall getting taught how to dance when I was younger." Snickering as you reveal your plans to a reluctant Arthur.

Stepping inside the lit gazebo, you glance around to make sure its clear. Smiling when you confirm it is.

"Ready?" Catching his hand before he felt he could change his mind - not that he had much of a choice in the first place.

He grumbles, but that tiny little spark in his eye proving he wasn't all that terribly put out by this.

His arm slowly slid down and around your waist, drawing you in close, in turn your arm raised up to his shoulder.

"Okay, now just follow my lead." You moved one foot back, the front of his shoe found your toes faster than you had imagined.

He corrects himself, much to the relief of your foot. "Shit- sorry."

"We'll go slow." You giggle, finding it funny that you were teaching Arthur of all people how to dance.

Which each step, his foot still strayed a few times, but he got the hang of it quickly.

"See? It's not so bad. But if you're still embarrassed from stepping on me, I can understand." Feigning a look of pity and a half hearted pat on his shoulder.

"I enjoyed stepping on them more than not." He shoots back, his timing lining up with the moment your heel caught on a loose board, nearly loosing your balance but Arthurs arm around you remained firm, holding you up.

"Not so tough are we, y/n?" He chortles, your pride hurting more than your feet.

You couldn't help the sheepish laugh that left you. "I demand you respect your teacher, Mr. Morgan."

"Or what? There ain't much you can do about it."

"We'll see about that." You challenge, returning to a slow rhythm. He never released you from his tight grasp.

Your bodies never left each others for the entire time, you both relished in it more than you'd ever address.

His hand eventually found your arm, his fingers gently brushing the double sided scar that he had punished you with upon your first meeting.

Dwelling for a few moments, he runs his hand up and over your collar bone, then meeting your chin. His gaze was soft, no trace of his typical cocky expression.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier." His thumb caressing the bottom of your plush lip.

"I-" He stops you from what he already anticipated you saying. Shaking his head.

"Not another word from you." He leans down, his mouth meeting yours. The most gentle show of affection he had shown you to date.

You leaned into it for as long as it lasted, cherishing each second it dragged further.

When he pulled away, there was a look you'd never be able to place on Arthurs face. You'd never forget it, that you could count on.

"I don't like that all the other men here get to see you like this too." He confesses, glancing over to the gathering, jerking upright when he spots something he didn't expect.

"I hope I'm not being too brash as I interrupt you two love sick fools." Dutch as much himself as ever with those words.

You and Arthur finally released from your embrace, standing side by side as if you both just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

Dutch hollered out a hearty laugh, the ability to stay mad lost with the guilty looks you both held. "Save it for camp... now I heard mentions of Cornwall from Mr. Mayor and one of his men. Quickly both of you."

He chased you of the gazebo effectively, Arthur sighed as you strode back to complete the mission you'd been sent on.

-

"Oh good, I was starting to regret sending you both in there together." Dutch waited no time to tease you both further, making it obvious to Hosea and Bill who had a good laugh about it too.

"Yeah, yeah. We got somethin'." Arthur confirms, waving off the insult.

"Well then," Hosea chimes, excited with the news. "Think it's time to go."

That you could agree dualy on, your eye lids started to gain weight, desiring nothing more than to return to camp.

You all made for your ride back, collecting their guns on the way out, some speak of a bank heist along the way, which definitely prompted skepticism in you. As most of these takes did.

The carriage rolled up to you, not much time spent in terms of getting in. All of you wanted out of there.

Bill's voice haughty and filled with contempt as he complained about the 'high society pigeon shit.' Which plastered a drowsy smirk on your face.

Instinctively, you sat next to Arthur on the way back, dozing off on his shoulder not long after the carriage lurched shakily over the uneven cobblestone roads.

Guys I proof read this at 3 am so ignore any mistakes...

[frecklystars]

i still feel absolutely fucking nothing for my f/os and im so depressed and i wanna die and my birthday is friday and i hate my birthday and i just. rahh. i wanna self ship again. thats it!! i just wanna self ship again thats literally all i want to do!! but instead ive been in and out of the hospital every couple of weeks bc i'm having so many panic attacks that make me feel like im going to die

i am so fucked up from all the bullshit i was put through these last 2 years that i cannot fucking function, i am so paranoid all the time that anyone who interacts with me is out to get me because they [redacted reasons i cannot publicly state]. it doesnt matter if ive known someone for 1 day or 10 years, i dont trust anyone online anymore. i dont trust anyone who's nice to me because so many times it was people with malicious intentions. i dont fucking trust any TF blogs, ive been blocking any TF blog who interacts with me On Sight from all the shit that ppl from that fandom put me through.

there's 600 new inbox messages now and i havent opened any of them. people are sending me dms every single day and i havent opened any of them. i hate that my distrust towards irl people has bled into self shipping and now i am just Too Depressed to self ship. it is my anniversary w/ a character who's supposed to be such a comfort to me today and i feel Nothing. driver used to be Everything to me. driver used to make me feel so comfortable and safe. i feel so numb when i look at my f/os, there is just nothing there. it is my birthday soon and i should be so proud of myself for fighting through all the bullshit my abuser has thrown at me but i feel Nothing. self shipping used to help me at least cope with the depression. i just want to have my comfort characters again. thats it. i wouldnt care how many people are trying to kill me or stalk me or attack me if i just had my f/os to help me cope thru all of it

i genuinely think i'd feel better if i tried to be online and make edits and draw more and interact with the sweet people in my inbox. i used to feel so so so much better when people would send me nice asks, F/O reassurance, fics, fanart, etc etc but at the same time i will see a nice ask and immediately believe "oh. this is a trap. this person is going to pretend to be nice to me, try to get closer, but it's a trap" based off of MULTIPLE traumatic events my abuser put me through the last 2 years. this is such an unhealthy mindset to have, to not trust anyone kind to me, and i wish i knew how to turn it off. ive never been paranoid like this, ever, until a series of events happened this entire last 2 years and i just. i cannot fucking trust anyone on this stupid website, my god, someone sends me "hi keri! how is your day?" and my brain is like "oh hey look out, that person is pretending to be nice to you but they're actually trying to harm you!!" i will look at a group of online friends i've had for OVER a DECADE and that paranoid voice in the back of my head who worries from experience "oh cool this person is after me now. this person is out to betray me. this person wants to hurt me. it doesnt matter if we've been best friends since childhood, this person absolutely is out to get me now"

i hate everything i was put through these last 2 years and especially these last few months, one day im gonna spill my guts and tell everyone what has been happening to me bc its so goddamn unfair what ive been put through day after day, and i am sick of letting all of it fester in me without being able to tell anyone whats going on. i dont even know if its still ongoing rn bc every time i think "oh, maybe it's over" it just fires back up again. the stalking, the harassing, dude dont even get me started on the fucking stalking, do you know how fucking Not Normal these people are who have been trying to physically harm me irl and online? do you know how fucking psychotic someone has to be to spend YEARS of their life trying to make me miserable when i dont even know these ppl, im just fucking sitting here? the stupidest goddamn shit possible. i have never met these ppl in my life but they're following the orders of someone else and just. being fucking insane. if you knew what someone was putting me through, what a large group of toxic disgusting people have been putting me through these last 2 years, you wouldn't even fathom how dangerous it's been and how shitty it's been. ive had to call the police on a few of these people. you have no fucking clue what i've been going through and how exhausting it is to feel so unsafe every single second that you're alive. this shit eats at me constantly. i don't get any peace of mind. i think one day this really will kill me but at least i won't have to deal with it anymore if i'm dead. and!! i hate that i have that mindset! i hate that every time i drive to work, i hope beyond hope that a car is going to obliterate me. that isnt normal!! i should not be hoping to die!! but genuinely i dont think im ever going to be safe ever again and im so tired of dealing with this fear every single second every single day for years. years!!!! every second!!! every single second im awake i am fucking stressed out of my goddamn mind!!!!

months ago, i queued so much driver stuff for today, and i almost want to delete all of it bc its so. useless. dude i feel Nothing for my f/os. i feel unsafe with my f/os because i feel so unsafe with 99% of the people i interact with online because of all the horrible things ive been put through all this time. it's all pointless. i dont know if im ever really going to come back to blogging regularly. i just wake up, i go to work, i have panic attacks and i throw up, and then i go to sleep. sometimes i come here to vent and then refill my queue, but what is the point of refilling my queue anymore tbh. i keep trying to go through the motions to see if i can reclaim self shipping one day and then i can just bounce back, but god its been several months and ijust cant do it. i cant wait for this to kill me, ic ant wait for this to finally make me snap bc im so so sick of going through this every day. im tired

whatever ill delete this later and it wont even matter lol what else is new. keri makes another vent post about feeling depressed and unsafe. fork found in kitchen or whatever