cabbagey

[watermirror]

the vaguely racist way arknights talks about sargon and sargonians is fucking crazy i’m sorry

[arandompostarchive]

Inure - Ch. 2

SAVED WORK

Summary: To some, The Specter is a serial killer. To some, a hero. But to everyone, you were entirely a mystery. You had no history, just a list of victims a mile long. No matter how many people searched your name, they could find anything. If only they had the spelling right. Now, you’ve come across some unfortunate information that drives you out of your usual shadows and into the path of the Avengers. Including two of the more reclusive members of the team. And it’s hard to pick only one of them.

***

“Howard, I’m not sure this is a good idea. SPECTR isn’t ready to show the public yet, much less reporters who will make up a million theories on how we’ll use this.” You argued. You sat across from Howard as you looked over the machine’s blueprints. Howard had suggested that it was ready for a test run, which was completely wrong. It was far from perfect.

“I’m not saying we have to keep it running, but we’ve got to show people something!” He said, getting frustrated. You began to get frustrated too.

“Maybe you shouldn’t have bragged about it to every media outlet in the country, then. You told them about SPECTR, now you have to tell them it’s not ready. It’s that simple.” You didn’t look up at him.

“C’mon. One test, we don’t have to test all it’s features, let’s just turn on its most basic setting. Just show that it works!” He said. You stood, walking toward the control panel you had set up. The machine was behind glass in a testing room. If you turned it on right now, you weren’t sure what the reaction would be, so you insisted it be put safely away from you.

“But it doesn’t work.”

“They don’t have to know that! I just gotta show them something.” You were tempted to give in. To let him bring in his media crew and you would have if it weren’t for the dangers SPECTR presented.

“Turning it on right now could endanger lives. We need to stay safe about this.” He rolled his eyes. He hated your safety rules which you had only implemented because he would run around the lab doing stupid things otherwise. “Look, I get it. I’m excited about this too! We’re making life-changing stuff here! But let’s save it until we know it will actually change lives.” You bent down and unscrewed a panel on the control board. You had missed the upset look on Howard’s face, not that you couldn’t guess what it looked like.

You continued working while he made a call or two in the background. You jumped a bit when a spark came out of the panel. You stood up, opening the door to the test room to check the machine itself. You could feel Howard staring at the back of your head.

***

You jolted up, sweating a bit. Most of your dreams were memories now. At least, all the dreams you remembered were. At the time, that memory didn’t seem so bad. It just seemed like two friends arguing and that’s what you thought it was. You wished you could go back. Tell yourself to listen a little closer to his phone calls. Double check that he really wouldn’t get a dozen reporters. Instead, you trusted him. That had been a grave mistake.

You pushed yourself off of your bed. Your room was nice to say the least. Leave it to a Stark to make things look expensive. You had an apartment-like area. There was a bedroom and a small living room and kitchen hybrid. It had a tv, a couch and the bare essentials of a kitchen.

You walked into your kitchen area to make tea. “What time is it?” You wondered out loud, seeing the darkness outside your windows. “I need to tell that Captain more about what I know, maybe the team would stop talking about me. Or at least do it in a more private setting.” You grabbed an electric kettle and filled it with water, waiting for it to boil.

“It’s 3:44 am, and I can remind you, if you’d like,” A voice offered. The sound of another person in your space made you jump, but when you looked around you couldn’t spot anyone.

“Hello?” You said loudly, unsure of where the person came from.

“Hello.” The voice said again. You stepped closer to the couch and looked around, still, no one was in sight.

“Who are you?” You asked. Trying to locate the voice.

“I’m FRIDAY, Mr. Stark’s AI system.” You almost laughed. Of course.

You were still curious though. She was really AI? Had she passed the Turing Test? How had he made a completely functional system? How was she built in, is it just in certain rooms, or did he manage to put her everywhere? You had questions to ask Stark about his inventions, though you were dreading having to talk to Howard’s son. He couldn’t be that much better than his father and you weren’t ready to spend time with Howard 2.0. You’d seen Tony on the news and even spent your own time watching over him, but you’d never had a real conversation.

“FRIDAY, huh? And how do you work?” You asked. Admittedly, it felt weird talking to the air. There was no where to focus, so you really just ended up staring at the ceiling. It felt odd.

“I was implemented to help Mr. Stark after he lost his previous AI. I’m a network of different systems Mr. Stark has created. I’m not allowed to share all the details, but I’m sure Boss wouldn’t mind showing you.”

Of course she calls Tony “Boss”, seems just like a Stark to put themselves on a pedestal. “Well,” you began, “Thank you FRIDAY. I can remember to talk to Captain Rogers, though. I don’t really have much else to do.”

“Alright, Miss.”

“Just call me Spectr,” you told her, smiling at the ceiling.

“No problem, Spectr.” There was a soft whistling behind you and you stopped the kettle before it got too loud. You took the tea along with a bit of honey and sat down on the couch, slowly sipping it. It felt odd to have a ‘home’. A TV, couch, bed, kitchen, even the weird body-less AI felt comforting. Something you hadn’t felt in a long time.

***

Coming downstairs to get breakfast was one of the most awkward experiences of your rather long life. You had come down late, hoping the Avengers ate early. To your dismay, most of the team were in their kitchen, chatting about something or other, though it seemed like a few of them there only to talk to the group.

When you walked in, book in hand, their conversation immediately hushed and all eyes turned to you. The team was terrible at pretending not to stare, but you did your best to ignore them.

“Um, Spectr.” The Captain spoke up. His voice stayed steady, but you could tell he felt odd asking you anything. You turned around to face him, silently telling him to continue. “Join us, we’d like to get to know you.” The sentiment was nice, though you knew what he was doing. If they could befriend you, they’d have a permanent ally or maybe even stop your ‘crime spree’. Or maybe they wanted a reason to justify working with you. Maybe they felt guilty putting a serial killer on the team, even temporarily, and thought that maybe, just maybe, if you were a kind person they’d feel just a little bit better. But the much more likely option was that they wanted a way to take you down. They wanted to know exactly what made you tick just in case you got too hard to handle. You wished them luck, you had died decades ago.

“No, Captain, you don’t want to talk to me. I’m a possible threat in your house. You want to learn whatever you can about me. That’s fine, I understand.” Everyone at the table was avoiding meeting both your eyes and Steve’s. You didn’t really have anything against Rogers, but you weren’t here to become best friends, you were here to stop a threat. Then you could leave and go back to your old life with no record of your crimes. Not that the city papers wouldn’t have a field day.“But you don’t want to talk to me. Don’t pretend you do, it’s rude.” You didn’t get a response, so you assumed you guessed right.

The team went back to your hushed conversation and you scanned the room. You grabbed a cup of coffee from the fresh brewed pot and sat yourself on a couch in their living room area. A man was sitting across from you also buried in a book. You didn’t mind the lack of conversation, though his book choice was interesting. Shakespeare’s The Tempest, certainly a good read.

You looked down at your book, staring at the page but still focused on the man in front of you. You recognized him, though you weren’t certain from where.

“The team seems to have deemed you a villain as well.” He said, barely glancing up from the pages. Usually, you’d be angry. You’d leave and find somewhere else so you could be alone. But for some reason, you didn’t.

“You’re getting the same treatment?” You asked, somewhat skeptical. From the outside, he looked like just another team member.

“It is to be expected after what I did. They still do not trust me.” This time he looked up at you, fully meeting your eyes. Then, you recognized him. Loki. The guy who wrecked New York.

It wasn’t your style, but it did end up taking out one of your targets for you and he seemed nice enough.

“I see. Well, can’t exactly blame them for not liking me either, then.” You said. He kept a straight face. It looked practiced, like he knew exactly how to keep his emotions hidden. But you knew that look in his eyes. The very silent desperation that maybe, maybe you could relate to him. Maybe you could be outcasts together. You weren’t sure you liked that idea. Being alone in your new ‘room’ seemed much more favorable.

“I’m not exactly clear on what you did.” He closed his book, keeping his thumb between the pages and setting it on his lap. You did the same.

“Well, I kill for a living. Sort of. It’s not the most high paying gig out there, but ‘heroes’ don’t tend to appreciate serial killers.” You tried to state that in the most lighthearted way possible, though there wasn’t really a nice way to phrase it.

“Do you simply kill anyone?” He asked, clearly trying to piece together why a murderer is currently trying to help save the world. You smirked a bit.

“Not exactly. All my victims are the people who’ve escaped justice. Maybe they got away with murder maybe the court just isn’t moving fast enough. Or they’ve got connections and keep walking free. I never miss a target.” You said, proud of your work.

The Avengers didn’t see it how you did. You were correcting the world. Bringing back hope, even if no one would cheer for you out loud.

“And the Avengers feel you are doing the world a disservice by ridding it of evil?” He seemed confused by the concept. As far as he was concerned, it sounded fair. Harsh, but fair.

“They don’t like the whole ‘murder’ part. Well, torture and murder part. They think we should let the system handle it. But the system isn’t working, so here I am.” You said, taking a large sip of your coffee.

“And if authorities catch you? Will they put you to death over such a thing?” You shrugged in response. In all honesty, you hadn’t really looked up what consequences you’d face. You didn’t care. “You do not seem scared.” He noted.

You laughed a bit. “Death is an old friend.” You took another sip of your coffee and he seemed to acknowledge that he wasn’t going to get any more than that. You spent a little while longer in a comfortable silence, both reading your respective books.

Soon, you finished yours and stood up. Loki nodded to you and you nodded back. You wouldn’t call him a friend, but he certainly wasn’t an enemy and that’s the closest thing you had to a friend right now.

You walked back to the kitchen, dropping your now empty coffee cup into the sink and washing it, placing it on the small drying rack they had there. Some of the team was still in the kitchen and you heard their conversation quiet. You had better hearing than average, but it wasn’t anything to brag about. And since the team was mostly super-soldiers, you could hear their extremely quiet whispers. Whatever they were talking about, they were being careful about it.

You grabbed a few granola bars from the cabinet when you spotted a bottle of whiskey that had been left on the counter, probably by mistake. You suspected Stark, Howard would leave your bottles on your table when he went to your house, why would Tony be different? You grabbed a glass and filled it, not bothering to look at the brand of whiskey.

“I like a good drink myself, but, uh, that’s a full size glass and it’s 10 in the morning?” Tony said, looking slightly concerned. You scoffed a bit.

“I’m starting that late, huh?” You asked, drinking a bit of the glass and walking toward their training room. The drink  wouldn’t do much, your heart had stopped, well, working after you died. Everything had. As far as you knew, you were essentially a walking, talking corpse. The only reason you had to breathe was so you could talk, so when you lived alone you didn’t find it necessary. Your alcohol limit was high to say the least, you were almost certain you could out drink Thor. And now that you lived in the same house as the guy, you were kinda tempted to try it.

Since all of the loud members of the team were at breakfast, including Thor and Tony, you settled for getting exercise. Their training rooms were huge. Starks always went big. You could hear someone else and you groaned at the thought of human interaction. Like living with a bunch of do-good superheroes wasn’t enough, now you had to actually talk to them.

You walked in anyway, hoping it was one of the quieter members, like Vision. Though you didn’t see why a floating android would need to work out. Instead, it was Steve’s friend, Bucky Barnes. Although Steve and Bucky didn’t know you, you knew of them. Peggy had talked about Steve a bit, so you knew a little bit about their life in the army. You had even comforted Peggy once Steve crashed into the ocean.

The closest you had ever been to actually talking to them was consulting when Howard was designing possible shields for Steve. Bucky on the other hand, you had only heard about once or twice. Mainly about how he had gone missing.

You tried not to make eye contact with him while you went over to the weights. He was practicing what looked like knife throwing, so he wasn’t really focused on you.

“You created that machine, right?” You hadn’t even crossed the room before he addressed you. You internally groaned, not liking the idea of a conversation right now. Especially with someone who would quiz you on all your weaknesses.

He looked at you and offered a knife out of the small chest full of them. You took it and resigned yourself to questioning. It would be easier to manage if it was only one of them.

“Me and a friend. We thought it could do good, but it was never finished.” You said, throwing the knife at the target. Knife throwing wasn’t your specialty, but you weren’t terrible, so it landed off-center. Bucky still looked impressed though.

“Not bad. That machine was made to heal people, right?” You nodded and he threw his own knife, landing dead center. It looked like he was making a ‘X’ shaped pattern out of them. “So how’s he going to use it to hurt anyone?”

You had considered that before. But, considering the… malfunctions the machine was capable of, you didn’t doubt it could harm people as well as heal. “Trust me, it can kill without a problem.” You said, not liking the topic he had chosen. You tossed another knife at the target, this time landing further off-center than the one before. You internally sighed at your lack of focus.

He considered what you said and nodded, seemingly understanding that there was more to your statement.

“I don’t think you’re a threat, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He said, pausing in his knife throwing. You scoffed.

“You don’t, huh? Then why exactly are you talking to me?”

He shrugged a bit. “You seemed lonely.”

You continued throwing knives discussing members of the team. It seemed you had two not-enemies in the tower.

[fullmetalscullyy]

the way it was - chapter 34

summary: what if riza never went to war? riza hawkeye has just married the man she loves. six months into their marriage, an unexpected surprise stops her from following roy to the military. a canon divergence au that explores what might have happened had riza been unable to join the military. there will be plenty of family fluff, angst, and royai.

rated: m | warnings: no archive warning apply

read on ao3

1914

and though my edges may be rough

i never feel i'm quite enough

it may not seem like very much

but i'm yours

Roy’s home office was quiet. Riza poked her head in after putting Mia to bed to ask if he needed anything while he worked. Currently Roy was sitting in his chair, both hands clenched into fists and resting upon his cheeks. A blank stare looked up the paper in front of him while his hair stood up on end in places. One strand pointed outwards, straight towards Riza, like a long finger beckoning her into the room. Given his current state of appearance, she would have entered regardless.

It was the last week of the year. A new one would begin with the next and while it was normally a joyous celebration in their household, Riza felt nothing but foreboding.

The homunculus’ plan would be set in motion in the new year. Roy knew that much but didn’t have a definite date. The thought twisted Riza’s stomach violently, making her fear for her children’s future.

“It’s coming soon, isn’t it?”

Snapping from whatever had clouded his thoughts, Roy’s head jerked upwards. He blinked at her, looking worse for wear. “What?” His throat was cleared as he recovered from being a million miles away. The papers on his desk were slowly sorted and shuffled into piles.

Riza entered the room and walked around his desk. “Whatever you’re planning for, it’s coming soon.”

“It is.” His shoulders slumped even more, rounding forwards.

Riza perched on the edge of his desk and crossed her arms over her chest as she studied him closely. Her eyes narrowed to scrutinise his appearance while he was distracted. 

His counterattack was clearly taking its toll. Everything was weighing him down and it was beginning to show. His shoulders drooped. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, leaving them look bruised. Even his hair hung limp over his eyes - the result of him running his hands through it so often.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

A tired, but appreciative, smile was shot her way. “I wish there was but… It all depends on the answers I get back from others. Right now it’s just a waiting game until I’m essentially summoned by the homunculi,” he scoffed lightly.

Roy tipped backwards in his chair. His face lifted towards the ceiling while his hands rubbed at tired eyes. Riza felt a wave of sympathy wash over her.

“Any news on the others?”

“Increased strength from our enemies in the south,” Roy swallowed. “Fuery was sent right into the middle of it.”

Riza reached forward and squeezed his shoulder in comfort. She hated hearing how hoarse his voice sounded.

“Havoc’s fine but he’s feeling frustrated,” Roy continued, making an already neat pile of paper even neater. He just needed something to distract his hands with. “He’s stuck in a position he shouldn’t even be in. Breda’s gone dark. I don’t know where or how he is.”

“Breda will be okay,” Riza reassured with confidence. “He’s one of the most resourceful men I’ve ever met. There will be a good reason for him going quiet, I’m sure.”

Roy nodded weakly. “Falman reported from the north. The Elric brothers came and went. It… wasn’t without incident,” he added carefully, with a frown.

Riza shook her head fondly but still felt worry coil around her ribs. Judging from stories about their previous adventures, it rarely was a peaceful encounter with them. She just hoped they were all right.

“But they’ve been split up.” Roy bit his lip worriedly. “We lost contact after that.”

“You need sleep,” Riza murmured, running a hand through his hair.

“How can I sleep when everything is like this?”

“How can you expect to fight it all when you’re extremely sleep deprived,” she countered.

Maes’ night habits had eased as time progressed. They were both getting more sleep. He had the odd day where it was a struggle, but nothing compared to his first few weeks after birth. That was a nightmare that passed by in such a blur Riza barely remembered it. However, they still had some catching up to do. Looking after him and Mia was difficult to juggle, especially with Roy working so much. They’d still to find a routine that worked and were slowly easing into something that was relatively manageable.

Roy muttered something quietly underneath his breath.

“It’s because you know I’m right.” Riza nudged his shoulder affectionately with a closed fist.

“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled.

“Is there anything I can help with tonight, if you’re not going to come to bed? Anything I can get you?”

“I don’t know,” was his honest reply. If anything, it made him sound even more tired. “I just…” His hands found his hair, gripping onto the strands tightly in frustration. “I need action,” he mumbled.

“There’s nothing you can do this late at night, Roy.”

“There is. There’s plenty I can be doing, but I’m stuck here.”

Her hands folded together to rest atop her thighs. “Bradley has a tight leash on you still?”

Roy nodded. “I’m not to leave the city. Otherwise…” His expression turned stricken, quickly glancing up at her.

“I understand.”

“I hate it.”

“I do too. Especially when it’s upsetting you… But, you can’t be the hero all the time, Roy. Give yourself a little break, because you really need it. The Elric brothers will be okay. They have allies throughout the country. They’re not short on people who will help them if they need it.”

“Yes, but –” He sighed heavily.

“But it’s not you?” Riza guessed, and she was right.

Roy nodded minutely.

“You sound like their father.”

Roy scoffed once, twice, then snapped his mouth shut without a reply.

Riza grinned at him.

“I keep replaying the same thing over and over in my head, the more I look at this…”

Glancing over her shoulder at his desk, Riza saw the mess of notes still spread over the surface. A drawing of the ouroboros tattoo caught her eye, followed by a map of the country, covered in scribbles and notes. A map of Central was there too, the same one she’d seen at the hospital when Roy and Havoc were there. It had all the labs circled on it, the ink slightly smudged and the paper crumpled at the edges.

“What’s on your mind?”

His spine straightened as he took a deep breath. It was held in his lungs for a beat, before rushing outwards with his speech. “Hughes.”

Momentarily thrown, her eyes wandered off to the side, no longer focussing on his work.

“When it comes down to it, I’m going to have to ask them,” he admitted.

“Ask what?” Her head slowly turned to face him. Riza’s stomach dropped as she watched his jaw set in determination.

“Ask if they killed Hughes.”

“You’re going to do it outright?” Riza swallowed past the lump in her throat. “That’s –”

“It’s the only way I’ll get a straight answer,” he replied firmly.

“Roy…”

“I have to ask. I have to know. I can’t stand back and do nothing about it.”

Riza balked at his forceful tone and the action caught his eye.

“What?”

“I just - Roy we talked about this,” she replied. She was almost pleading with him.

“I know, but I still have to ask them, Riza. When it all boils down to it I have to find out. The military has already buried the truth but I won’t let that happen to Hughes. He will have justice.”

She felt like rubbing her temples but stopped herself. Riza’s head tipped down to look at her joined hands. She squeezed them tightly as she tried to keep a hold on all the emotions roiling inside of her.

They killed for Hughes for pushing too hard. They’d do the same to Roy eventually, even if he was important to them. Or do it to her. He had to play by their rules and keep the peace. If he didn’t, then…

“I can’t stop you from asking.” She tried to make her voice strong and even but it shook slightly. “I don’t want you to but I can’t stop you.”

Riza stood from leaning against his desk and walked towards the door. She needed some air. Desperately. The anxiety and fear that was creeping over her was getting worse. It was like her chest was being squeezed inside a vice.

“They can’t get away with what they did –”

Roy was indignant as he called after her but they’d already gone through all of this. Riza felt something begin to break inside of her chest as she clenched her fists by her side. Her nails dug into her palms painfully, but she barely noticed as she retreated from him.

“We’re not arguing about this again,” she nearly growled. The control was slipping the more the vice squeezed on her chest. It almost felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Arguing,” Roy echoed. “Who said there was anything to argue about?”

“We’ve been through this Roy and I’m not doing it again,” Riza snapped, spinning around to face him. One finger lifted to point at Roy’s chest. “I’m not going through all of that after it was put to bed already. You’re not getting revenge,” she stated simply.

Roy’s eyes narrowed slightly at her, tightening around the edges. Before, it may have made Riza pause, but now she felt no hesitation. Because this wasn’t just anger at the injustice Maes and his family suffered. It was hatred too. Riza could see it clearly in his eyes. It was directed towards those who had murdered his friend. She wouldn’t let him give in to it.

“Riza –” He was almost seething but Riza would not let that talk or that behaviour fly now.

“Stop it,” she growled.

Riza stormed out of his office. She was getting worked up and needed to remove herself from the situation.

He couldn’t give in to that hatred.

In her mind’s eye Riza pictured their children. Their perfect, innocent faces smiling happily. Their expressions twisted in horror when they were told about what their father had done in memory of their beloved Uncle Maes. If she brought them up now, would they be enough for Roy to see sense?

“You can’t tell me not to do anything. I have to know.”

“That’s fine,” she relented. “But exacting justice, Roy? By your own hand? We’ve been through this –”

“And are you going to stop me? Would you stop me tonight if I left to do it?”

It was a challenge but it still pissed her off. She wouldn’t back down from it either. Instead she glared at him after he asked the question.

“You can fucking bet I would stop you,” she hissed. “You are not to get revenge for Hughes’ murder,” she forced out. “You can ask them, sure, but I will not let you take the matter into your own hands and perform your own punishment. That’s not who you are and you’re better than that.” Riza shook her head. “The man that would do that is not my husband.”

“Mummy?”

Mia’s voice sounded from behind them. She was impossibly quiet and sounded extremely upset.

Riza whirled around and saw Mia standing on the second step. Her hand gripped the banister in a white knuckled grip. Her eyes were wide with tears pooling in them as they switched between Riza and Roy.

“Daddy?”

Riza shot him a warning glance, telling him to shut up, but also telling him that their conversation wasn’t over. She noted Roy’s stricken face. However there was still an ember of his plight present in his eyes. Riza would be more than happy to continue this later but only once Mia was asleep and they were both calmer.

“Mia? What are you doing up?” Riza’s voice was soft as she approached their daughter. Crouching before her, Riza became eye-level with Mia and readjusted her pyjama top. One shoulder had slipped over to one side haphazardly.

“I…” She bit her lip, casting her gaze to the side worriedly. “I heard you both shouting.”

Riza’s gut twisted painfully. Her breath caught in her throat as she sucked it in.

“I didn’t like it.”

Guilt flooded Riza. Regardless of the topic of conversation, they should have been quieter. “Sorry, Mia Bear. Dad and I were just having a discussion.” Riza ran her hand over Mia’s hair and cupped her cheek to try and soothe her.

“You were very loud.”

Riza hugged her daughter, placing a hand on the back of her head so it rested against Riza’s shoulder. “Sorry. We didn’t mean to be.”

“Will Daddy really leave tonight?” Her head cocked to the side before looking over Riza’s shoulder at Roy. “It’s really late. And what does revenge mean?”

Mia didn’t know the meaning of the word. There was no way she should either. She was too young. It would only upset her if it was explained.

Riza prided herself on always telling her daughter the truth and explaining things as best as she was able, but this was not one of those times. It would only upset her. Plus, Riza would never let Roy stoop so low to that anyway.

“No,” Riza reassured, pulling away and cupping her daughter’s face gently in both hands. “He’s not going anywhere tonight.”

“What does that word mean?”

She was far too inquisitive for her own good. Once again, Riza brushed it aside. It pained her to do so because her father did that with her mother’s condition and ultimately, her death. She’d sworn she’d never do it to a child of her own if that ever came to pass, but she had no time at the moment to describe the intricacies of the word and what that meant her father might possibly do if pushed hard enough.

She and Roy needed to talk. Badly.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow, okay?” Riza smoothed her daughter’s unruly hair down. Despite her fringe being styled like Riza’s and her hair falling below her shoulders, it reminded Riza so much of Roy’s hair. It still had a mind of its own and didn’t obey any laws of physics or hairspray.

Mia yawned. “Okay,” she mumbled, appeased for the moment.

Riza hoped that by the morning, she’d forgotten about her mother’s promise.

“Up to bed with you now, okay?” Riza smiled at Mia. “I’ll come and tuck you in.”

Mia looked over at Roy. Without warning, she hopped down the last two steps and rushed over to her father. He’d been staring straight ahead, stricken, but Roy jumped in fright when Mia’s arms slung around his torso. He looked down at her face. One cheek was pressed into his stomach as she squeezed her eyes closed tightly in her hug. Riza watched with a pained chest as Mia’s hands fisted in his t-shirt.

“I love you, Daddy,” Mia whispered into his stomach, giving him an even tighter squeeze.

“Time for bed, Mia,” Riza called gently, her voice hoarse.

Mia nodded and smiled up at her father. A wobbly smile overtook his face and he nodded.

“Love you too, Mia,” Roy whispered. It was as quiet as a breath. “So much.”

“Come on, Mia.” Riza extended her hand for her daughter to take.

“Will Dad be okay?” Mia bit her lip worriedly, looking over her shoulder at him.

“He’ll be fine.” Riza shot him a look, noticing him swallow thickly as he stared after them both. She couldn’t be sure from the distance between them, but it looked like that ember in his eyes had fizzled out. “I’ll talk to him when I come back down.”

“Okay,” Mia whispered.

Their daughter walked ahead, up the stairs and out of sight.

“Think about one thing,” Riza stated quietly. “If you do go ahead with your own brand of justice, is that the father you want to be?” Her voice was flat as she asked her question. “Is that the home you want to build with actions like that?”

Roy had been staring after Mia, and finally, his eyes settled on her. A breath was sucked into his chest, the movement shaky as his chest heaved loudly.

They would talk but Mia was more important at the moment.

Turning away from him, not bothering to wait on an answer, Riza walked up the stairs to their daughter’s room. She ignored how heavy her footsteps were. It matched the heavy weight in her heart. As she ascended, she just prayed she wouldn’t hear their front door close. Her breath had been held as she climbed slowly. The exhale was quiet, but she heard no sound from the floor below. No door slammed and no floorboards creaked with movement.

Mia first.

“Sleep well, Mia.” Riza tucked her daughter into bed tightly and bent forward, pressing a kiss to her nose. Mia giggled and sighed happily.

“Night, Mum,” she mumbled tiredly.

The house was silent when Riza descended back down the stairs. She had hoped and prayed Roy wouldn’t leave tonight, but as she searched their house and he was nowhere to be found. Tears flooded her vision. Blinking them away, Riza’s footsteps were heavy once more as she made her way to bed.

She hadn’t been able to get through to him. Again.

However, Riza’s thought was banished from her head when she passed by Maes’ room. The door was cracked open which made her panic slightly. She’d left it wide open so she’d be able to hear him through the night if he woke.

Roy was bouncing Maes in the centre of the room. He was fussing quietly, one fist flailing above his head as Roy tried to settle him. His back was to the door as he stared down at their son. Riza heard a sniff and her heart broke.

“I’m sorry, Maes,” Roy whispered against their son’s head. He moved to kiss his forehead. “I’ve hurt her again. I let my emotions run away with me and…” Roy sighed and Riza heard his breathing hitch. “And I would’ve hurt you and your sister too if I’d gone through with everything. I would have been a big disappointment. You’d have thought me a monster,” he gasped quietly. “I’m so sorry.”

Fresh tears appeared in Riza’s eyes. She backed away from the door to give Roy some time alone to process and deal with everything. Despite feeling exhausted after their discussion, a tiny sliver of hope coiled its way around Riza’s ribs. They still needed to talk but witnessing that scene was a promising start.

Once in bed, Riza pulled the sheet up and underneath her chin. She curled into a ball, back to the door, as she waited for Roy to come to bed. Fatigue was threatening to pull her under. Riza fought it as best she could but eventually it tugged hard enough.

She was dozing when Roy slipped into the bed. Disorientated, her body jerked as she was pulled roughly from the half-asleep state she’d been fallen into. Settling down, Riza’s eyes blinked open and she grew still, listening to his movements. From what she could tell, he was on his back.

Roy sighed, a long drawn out sound, then scoffed in disgust. Riza felt the bed dip as he rolled towards her. She held her breath. Her shoulder tingled in anticipation when she saw the shadow of his hand hovering over it, but ultimately he pulled away before he could touch her.

“Are you awake?” His whisper broke through the loud silence of the room.

Riza nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, sounding defeated and miserable.

“I thought you might really leave,” Riza admitted.

“I did it once.” She heard him swallow, then pull away from her completely. Her back felt cold now that his presence was no longer there. “I won’t make that same mistake twice.”

She rolled over to face him. “You’re willing to talk about this?” Riza searched his gaze, almost begging him to reconsider dealing with the whole thing by himself.

Roy nodded, staring up at the ceiling. Both hands scrubbed at his face before falling back to his sides, his limbs heavy. “Of course. But… I’ve made my decision.”

Riza stiffened and Roy noticed. He turned his head to finally face her.

“I’m staying,” he reassured. “And… And seeing your face, that look on it, and hearing Mia’s scared voice…” Roy swallowed, glancing away, unable to look at her. “I took one look at little Maes and… Everything just fell away.”

“Because big Maes wouldn’t want you to do it either,” Riza whispered.

“Big Maes?” Roy barked a laugh, filling the quiet room with his sudden amusement.

Riza smiled wryly. “I thought that might make you laugh.”

“It did. Big Maes and Little Maes…” Roy shook his head fondly. His amusement flickered out, replaced by quiet contemplation. “The perfect combo,” he smiled sadly. “I thought it might be too strange naming him after Hughes.” Roy swallowed. “Just one look at him and it’s like he’s really here,” he admitted.

Riza reached over to make first contact, brushing his fringe away from his forehead. Her thumb swiped over the skin underneath once to comfort him. 

“I don’t think of him as Hughes, obviously,” Roy reassured, “but… It’s like a connection to him.” He turned his head to look at her. “Does that make sense?”

She nodded. “It does. I’m glad we got through to you. Maes always could talk you down so easily.”

“You do it so much better, though,” Roy sighed, rolling and wrapping his arms around her shoulders. He shifted over, moving so she was flush against his bare chest.

“Really?”

“You think you don’t?” His hold on her tightened.

“There was a time when I did –”

“When?” He pulled away to look down at her with such concern on his face.

Riza shook her head. “It doesn’t matter –”

“It does. When?”

“When you first came back from Ishval. You were struggling a lot and I felt I couldn’t get through to you.” Her admission was quiet as she whispered it against his skin. “And then after Maes died. I… Well, I thought I was going to lose you to your grief and anger and didn’t know what to do.”

Fingers were placed gently against her chin. Roy tilted her head up slowly, tenderly, so she was finally looking right at him, however there was a fierce fire in his eyes.

“You were always the best at it,” he promised. “One thought of you and it kept me grounded. I think of our family and realise that you’re my top priority, despite my duty. You always were.”

“It’s been hard to juggle for you.”

“It has.”

His eyes stared into hers and Riza found herself pinned by his gaze but didn’t mind it one bit. She never had. Those dark depths were a comfort.

“That’s what happened tonight. It’s still raw and I let my emotions and frustration and fatigue get the better of me.”

“That’s why you need more sleep,” she added, teasing him lightly to try and lighten the mood.

Roy chuckled. “You’re very right about that one.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “You always are.”

He turned quiet and Riza was content just to hold him. She was giving him all the time he needed to voice what he needed to say.

“If I lost myself to all of this…” His eyes closed and shame overtook his features. “That’s not the husband or father I want to be. I don’t want to be a monster again.” His voice grew hoarse, causing Roy to clear his throat. “I don’t want my kids to think of or remember me like that.”

“Only you can make that choice.”

“I know,” Roy nodded, “and I choose you. I choose all three of you. There’s no contest and never has been. It’s the easiest decision to make, like breathing.”

Riza angled her head and pressed her lips against his.

“I’m sorry for hurting you again,” he whispered huskily against her lips. His breath mingled with hers, warming the skin of her face in the same way his love and her relief was washing through her body.

“Thank you for coming back to me.” Silently, she wrapped her arms around his torso and cuddled into him.

“I always will, Riza.” His breath tousled her hair gently, tickling her. “You always bring me back.”

“I understand this is important to you,” she added, “it’s important to me too. I want to find out what really happened to Maes too and see the culprit be brought to justice but there’s other ways to do it.”

“I know,” he replied solemnly.

“I know how angry and frustrated you are about everything… Promise me one thing?”

“What?” He lifted his eyebrows in anticipation.

“Just… Think of them when it all boils down to it. Think about what you told me about not wanting to become a monster for our kids.” Riza’s voice almost shook with emotion as she spoke. “You tasked me with keeping you on the right path, and I’m trying, but when you fight back like that it makes it impossible.”

“My anger blinded me. I’m so sorry. It’s not an excuse, I know, but it did.” Shame coloured his tone.

“You saw sense, though,” Riza soothed him as she caressed his cheek gently. “And that’s what matters. When the time comes, think of Mia and Maes and your role in their life. Think of what you want them to see you as. Please.”

“And you too,” Roy insisted, his voice turning husky. His grip on her adjusted, holding her tighter against his body.

His inclusion of her made a tiny smile appear on her lips. She pressed a kiss to the column of his neck, seeing his Adam’s apple bob.

“And me too. Don’t let that hatred fool you, push you into something you don’t want to be. Not only for our sake, but for your own, and for Hughes’ memory. He wouldn’t want to see you turn into someone like that either on his behalf.”

“Always, Riza,” he breathed, sealing his promise. “Always, for you three.”

[zutarasecrettunnel]

if u like fics that are attempts to fix canon and include what are hopefully cute/heartbreaking/romantic moments with ur fave otp then here’s a thing for u, it’s hot off the presses.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13407259/1/What-Stays-and-What-Fades-Away

Preview (essentially the first scene) under the cut

"I knew the meat excuse was airtight" Sokka said proudly. He closed his eyes, lifted his chin, and wagged his finger at no one in particular, "I'm a simple man with simple needs, and friends who understand me". The rest of the group was huddled around the fire on the stone floor of the Western Air Temple, taking in the adventure as the young water tribe man relayed all of the details. He had just returned triumphant from the Boiling Rock with the first inmates to ever escape from the perilous fortress. Darkness engulfed the rest of the temple, indicating the late hour of their return.

Katara predictably sat next to Hakoda, laughing with the others as Sokka continued to tell the story. She soaked in the feeling of having her father back with them just as she soaked in the warmth from the fire. Her annoyance at Sokka's deception had melted away the moment she saw him exit the airship with their dad. Having Suki back was also great. It had been too long since she had seen the other young warrior woman or had an older girl around the camp, and her presence clearly made Sokka beam even more than he normally would have after such a decisive victory over the Fire Nation.  

"Yeah yeah, but when you said you had taken Zuko with you, some of us were on to you," Toph retorted, "You can't fool me." 

"There's no way your feet could tell I was lying from that far away!" Sokka exclaimed. He now had half a dumpling spewing from his mouth as he pointed jokingly at the small earthbender. Everyone laughed in response. 

"But seriously. I couldn't have done it without Zuko," Sokka continued, swallowing what was left of the dumpling bite and suddenly becoming serious. The firebender was also part of the group, listening to the story he had just been experiencing some hours before. But he was quieter and clearly sat somewhat away from the others, still hesitant to expect acceptance from any of them. Even now an awkward, not-quite-smile glanced across his face as everyone turned their eyes to him.

"Thanks, but-," he barely muttered before Sokka interrupted. "He even became a prisoner, too! One of our escape plans even had him thrown in a freezer" He paused to take another bite of dumpling and put an arm around Suki, changing subjects almost immediately. "Suki was also amazing! She climbed a wall! Just climbed it! A completely flat wall! FWOOSH!" Sokka lifted his arm from Suki to begin making a dramatic gesture, trying to pantomime the way she had scaled the wall of the prison some hours earlier. The auburn-haired girl blushed slightly, but looked proud that her prowess as a martial artist didn't go unnoticed.

Zuko looked relieved to see the attention move away from his direction, although Katara's intense lingering gaze didn't escape his notice. The Boiling Rock hadn't been his first experience with freezing cold. He couldn't help but recall the fierce look she had in her eyes that time at the North Pole when she herself had encased him in ice and snow. He had hoped that helping Sokka might make the waterbender warm to him somewhat, but even as she inched closer to her father, familiar beads of sweat started at his temples. She probably still blamed him for her father being at the Boiling Rock in the first place. It wouldn't be this easy to convince her to trust him. Part of him didn't even know why he was so intent on earning that trust, although his mind produced images of glowing green crystals. 

"What was it like there? I wonder if it was anything like the prison ship my dad and I were on," Haru chimed in, mostly looking to Suki and Hakoda. The arctic blast Zuko felt coming from Katara eased as she turned her attention back to the two recent prisoners, both still in their simple red garb. The group quieted a bit. It seemed as though Haru was disappointed that his father hadn't been brought back along with the others. Light from the flames illuminating the space glinted off of Katara's necklace, saturated orange like a setting sun. Zuko's memories also shifted back to that ship and tying that stone gently around his wrist. 

"It's a prison in a huge boiling lake. If the guards at the prison ship were cruel, these were twice as bad. The warden ruled with an iron grip. . .at least until I stuffed his own headband in his mouth," Suki said, adding in plenty of sass at the end. Sokka placed a quick kiss into her hair.

"You took on the warden?" Katara asked with a wry smile. 

"Well see, the freezer plan didn't work. We were gonna use it as a boat, but then we let Chit Sang and some other prisoners take it instead once I saw that new prisoners were coming in. I had to make sure that Dad wasn't with them," Sokka explained, looking at Hakoda who smiled warmly. "So there was no other way off the island except for a gondola suspended in the air. There was no way we could get on that gondola and expect to make it without taking a hostage - and we needed an important one." 

"So we started a riot," Suki joined in, now with just as much enthusiasm for the story as Sokka. 

"A riot?! That sounds like, well, a riot!" Toph's comment drew even more smiles and laughs from the group. Even Haru grinned under his moustache.

"It was. Once we had a distraction and a hostage, we made for the gondola," Hakoda had now joined in the storytelling as well. "Like I told Sokka while we were still in that awful place, those Fire Nation guards were no match for two water tribe geniuses."

"But Azula showed up and attacked us, as usual" Sokka continued, "along with those other scary girls she's always with". Sokka stopped for a moment, but then added, "Oh, sorry Zuko, I remember you told me that tall gloomy one was your girlfriend."

Heat rose in Zuko's cheeks and his good eye bulged a bit as the group turned their gaze on him again. He frowned as he looked at the mix of faces. He still had to force down the urge to get mad as he watched the Avatar stifle a giggle. 

"The one with the knives? Who didn't even care about her own brother back in Omashu?!" Katara blurted before she could stop herself. She didn't know why she felt a jolt of electricity shoot through her veins upon the news that Zuko and the solemn girl might be involved. The thought of him being with a girl who didn't even feel anything for her own family made her narrow her eyes. In contrast, Zuko's eyes widened even further, and his mouth fell open slightly. What was Katara even talking about? Mai had never really talked about her time in Omashu, let alone her interactions with the Avatar. He didn't know how to respond. Her tone was incredulous, but not as icy as any of her previous words to or about him had been since he had shown up. Her expression showed that she was surprised to have uttered the question, as if she didn't know why she cared. But she recovered quickly, her brows immediately furrowing as she once again scowled at the prince. 

Aang, who had been gleefully enjoying the story, studied Katara's face with a raised eyebrow. 

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised" she grumbled, in a lower tone than before. It reflected the tone she took with Zuko when she had faced him alone in his quarters, making threats to his destiny. Zuko's heart began beating a bit harder than before.

Pairs of eyes darted between the two. Toph silently moved a hand to lay flat on the stone surface beneath her. 

"Yeah, but I guess she's not all bad. She actually saved us," Sokka was undeterred in his storytelling. Katara sighed inwardly. "I guess she and Zuko are still in looooovvveee" Sokka drew out and distorted the final word, apparently unwilling or unable to get new jokes. Color gently marked the cheeks of the young airbender and his waterbending sifu at the reference. Things had changed between them significantly since they had been the target of this same gentle ribbing.

Zuko's face was stone. He had been surprised that Mai had saved them, especially since just minutes earlier she had been throwing scrolls at his head, not understanding why he had left her to join the Avatar and save his country. 

Katara moved to clean up the bowls the group had used to share their late night snack. "Well, I'm just glad to have you and Dad back," she said, smiling again, "but I think it's time for all of us to get some rest." She picked up the remaining dishware and heard rustling as the others began to get up and stretch. 

The Duke, Sokka and Aang yawned, almost in unison, as if Katara's proclamation itself made them tired. Teo's wheels squeaked slightly as he began maneuvering around the others. 

Sokka continued to tell the others about his experience even as they all shuffled away to their beds. Finally, he focused again on Zuko. Katara could just make out the last part of their conversation as she and Aang, who had stayed behind to help, began to bend water over the dishes.

"So Zuko, with Mai saving you I guess that means she went to jail. You gonna bust her out once you get back to the Fire Nation just like I did with Suki? I bet she'll find you irresistible once you do!" The water tribe boy gave a series of slaps to the fire prince's back, causing a series of thuds. Katara glanced over her shoulder to see his response to her brother's vigorous friendliness. Zuko looked at his feet, conflicted, and his voice carried a bit more gravel than usual.

"I don't know, Sokka. I have a lot to focus on before I can even think about going back to the Fire Nation."

The line of Katara's lips became completely flat, and she encouraged Aang to help her finish their chore quickly. It had been a long and eventful day.

[isidar-mithrim]

{Once again, Albus Dumbledore changed the course of Remus Lupin’s life when he tracked him down to a tumbledown, semi-derelict cottage in Yorkshire. Delighted to see the Headmaster, Remus was amazed when Dumbledore offered him the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. He was only persuaded to accept when Dumbledore explained that there would be a limitless supply of Wolfsbane Potion, courtesy of the Potions master, Severus Snape. – Pottermore}

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Note on the story: I was planning to translate other works before this one, but then the amazing FloreatCastellum wrote a piece about Remus meeting Harry on the Hogwarts Express and I felt eager to share this story first ^^ The last bit is an addition to the translation that was inspired by her work! 

Ps: a little heads up – if you’re expecting a fluffy, sappy meeting, you’ll probably be disappointed ^^’ I guess this is a slightly ‘unorthodox’ version of the moment, but there’s a reason for it: I started writing it before Remus biography was released on Pottermore, and I didn’t feel that I could give up on certain aspects of the story that I had grown fond of. I’d still say it’s enough pottermore-canon-compliant, and I promise it’s books-canon-compliants ^^

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Bounty hunter

It was a chill summer evening when Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Appeared before the gate of a tumbledown cottage that stood out in Yorkshire open country.

Only the rays of the waning moon enlightened the cobble path which led to the door of the shack, but it was enough to step forward with sure-footedness.

Albus Dumbledore pushed the rusty gate inward, making it screech at his touch, then he walked the short path and lowered his fist on the worn wooden door.

A few minutes later he had received no answer, so he knocked again, this time amplifying the noise with a bit of magic.

He had to wait only a bunch of seconds before the door slammed open.

On the threshold there was a man as worn as his home – his eyes marked by dark circles, his clothes ratty and old, his breath short to betray the sudden sprint he must have made to dart at the door.

Yet, the hand that held the wand against Albus Dumbledore was steady, sure, ready.

The Headmaster smiled serenely, looking at him with his piercing blue eyes.

“Remus. What a pleasure to see you,” he said, his gaze shifting to the still raised wand. “I suppose you weren’t expecting my visit.”

The man kept glaring at him. “I thought I’d done a better job with the defenses around the house,” he said sharply. “I haven’t heard you coming.”

“Oh, they are excellent defenses, but I still remember some old tricks, despite the advancing years,” said the Headmaster with glee. “Now, I’m desolate to bother you at this late hour, but there are several topics I would like to discuss with you, if you would be so kind as to invite me in.”

“You know perfectly well I won’t let you in until you’ve proven to me it’s really you, Dumbledore, even if I really wish you’re the only person capable of getting past my defenses without leaving a single trace.”

“Very well, very well,” nodded Albus Dumbledore, smiling gently. “I am pleased to see you haven’t lost your old and healthy habits toward prudence.”

The ancient wizard drew his wand, summoning his Patronus non verbally. A silver phoenix rose majestically in the night, then vanished in a burst of white flames. The Headmaster looked back at the younger man just in time to see a silver wolf running away and vanishing into thin air.

The man lowered his wand, stowing it behind his shabby robes, and he finally let a smile crease his lips.

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised to see you here, considering the last news,” he said to the Headmaster, stepping aside to let him in.

The inside of the cottage was semi-derelict as the outside had promised.

Except for the bathroom, whose yellowish sink could be glimpsed behind the door left ajar, the house consisted in a single room.

The furniture was reduced to the essential – a bed, a small wardrobe, a table with two chairs – and eaten by woodworms, but overall the space would have seemed clean, if it weren’t for the chaos that ruled.

The table was doused in crumbled newspapers and tore magazines; in most of them Sirius Black’s moving picture stood out on the front page, while others  had been flipped through to highlight related news.

On the bed, frayed clothes laid messily near an old suitcase that just waited to be packed, and close by were stored several low-quality magical objects and ingredients, such as a Sneakoscope and potion ivy leaves.

On the shelf above the fireplace there was a small stock of food, a tiny pot half-filled with Floo Powder, and an old radio.

It was the house of a lonely, poor man – a man ready to leave.

*

The Headmaster looked around while he approached the chair he was offered. Dumbledore thanked amiably for the courtesy and sat down, but Remus stayed up and hastily collected the newspapers on a corner of the table. He then made the water in the kettle boil with a wave of his wand, poured the hot water in two mugs and put a teabag in each one.

When he sat down, Dumbledore simply stared at him through his half-moon spectacles for a while. Remus held his gaze, and eventually Dumbledore let his eyes wander again around the cottage. When he spoke, he did it with the cheerful tone of someone who is complimenting the colour of the curtains.

“I see you are about to leave, Remus.”

“It doesn’t take your keen intuition to guess that much.”

“Oh, it does not indeed,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “But I believe it is the where and the why the most intriguing part of the matter.”

Remus huffed. “As if it isn’t obvious as well.”

Dumbledore ignored the retort and serenely picked one of the magazines, which titled Sirius Black affected by Stockholm Syndrome?

“Obvious?” he asked, flicking through the pages of the Quibbler before looking Remus in the eyes yet again. “What it is obvious is that in front of me sits a capable, fair and talented wizard that in the past years had very few occasions to prove his worth. A wizard that has lived alone for too long, but has finally found the strength to get out and put his skills at use.”

Remus smiled coyly. He didn’t receive compliments very often, and they pleased him more than he was willing to admit.

“And yet, I wonder…” resumed Dumbledore, “is he truly driven by his noble ideals?”

The Headmaster rummaged around the newspapers, picked a front page with a big picture and stretched it out on the table: Sirius Black had a gaunt face and circled eyes, but he looked at them with a determinate gaze.

“I wonder… what lie convinced this talented wizard that it was right to track Sirius Black down?”

Remus frowned at him, clenching his jaw, but Dumbledore kept speaking, nonplussed.

“Has he told himself it is his moral obligation to capture Black because who, if not him, would be able to understand his moves – to anticipate them, even? Or has he told himself that becoming a bounty hunter he may finally be able to make a living?”

The Headmaster was perfectly calm, but Remus was fuming. How dared Dumbledore judging him?

“Do you doubt I’d be able to find him?” he asked with a harsh tone.

“Of course not, my dear Remus!” said Dumbledore with an amused smile that irritated Remus even more.

“Then you’ll see how catching him is my right and my responsibility,” he said through gritted teeth. “Not to mention that I’d finally have a purpose that would make my useless life a bit less useless, for a change.”

“That would be a very noble purpose indeed, but I believe that if you really felt obligated to help catch him, you would not be here making arrangements – no, you would have already used that bit of Floo Powder you have left to go to the Ministry and tell them everything you know.”

“Pity that the Ministry isn’t interested in tagging along with werewolves,” spat out Remus with resentment.

“I fear this is one of the several lies you are telling yourself, Remus,” said Dumbledore gravely, like if he was giving him an unpleasant diagnosis. “You know perfectly well they would be ready to cooperate with you, in order to put behind bars the first wizard that has ever escaped from Azkaban.”

“Well, let’s hear what this great truth would be, then, since I’m apparently full of rubbish!”

“Oh, the truth is very simple, I am afraid. You want to look for him on your own because you do not want to capture him.”

Remus couldn’t believe his own ears. “No, no, you’re right, I don’t want to catch the man who betrayed and killed my best friends, and who also happens to be Voldemort’s right hand and one of the most powerful and dangerous wizards around,” he said with bitter sarcasm.

“No, you don’t want to catch him.” Dumbledore took a deep breath. “You want to kill him. Stop lying to yourself, Remus. We know perfectly well it is not the moral obligation nor the money to drive you. It is a blind, insatiable desire for revenge.”

The Headmaster had struck a nerve, and Remus felt exposed in a way that put him on the defense. “And what if I do?” he asked harshly. “Not even you, with all your high-sounding names, can dare to come here and blame me. Especially not you, since you know perfectly well how deeply Black ruined my life, and not just mine.”

“I totally agree with you.”

Remus widened his eyes, dumbfounded. He had expected Dumbledore to try to dissuade him, to lecture him… not to cheerfully agree.

“It happens, in fact,” continued Dumbledore with a seraphic smile, “that I am not here to blame you. I am here to offer you an alternative, one that all things considered could… how did you put it? Make your useless life a bit less useless, I believe. One that, all things considered, only I and my high-sounding names can offer. And now, if you would be so kind as to listen to this old wizard a little longer, I will gladly discuss it in front of that cup of tea that I would serve before it gets cold, if I were you.”

Remus sent an inquisitive glance at Dumbledore, eager to find out what this was all about, but the Headmaster kept smiling seraphically, not giving anything away, so he stood up, brought the mugs to the table and grabbed a bowl of sugar from the shelf with the stocked food.

“I’ve got no milk,” he said with an apologetic shrug. “And only one teaspoon. How much sugar do you want?”

“Three, if you please. I’m afraid I can’t help indulging my sweet tooth, despite all Madam Pomfrey’s recommendations,” said Dumbledore with a wink.

They sat quietly for a bit, sipping their mildly warm and probably too strong tea.

It was Remus who broke the silence, too curious to wait much longer. “I’m listening.”

Dumbledore put his cup down and fixed him with his penetrating blue eyes. “You have to know, dear Remus, that for the last few decades two have been the worries that trouble me before the new term begins. The first is if someone will finally get me a pair of wool socks for my birthday, instead of the usual, overvalued books,” said Dumbledore with amusement. If Remus hadn’t known him well enough, he would have thought he was nuts. “The second is if this year I will finally have a Defence Against the Dark Art professor actually capable of teaching something to my students – provided that I have one in the first place. Now, I already know there is no hope about my first concern, but I am here to find out if I can sort out the second one.”

Remus’s hearts hammered at the Headmaster’s words, but he didn’t dare take them for granted. “You... are you offering me a job at Hogwarts?”

“Absolutely,” said Dumbledore with delight. “Between us, I am quite proud of my choice. I could have hardly thought of a more fitting candidate.”

“Are you kidding?”

The Headmaster smiled brightly. “Not at all. Of course that would mean you will have to give up your little... hunt, to move at Hogwarts on a permanent basis.”

“Teaching at Hogwarts…” murmured Remus, all the arrangements to leave suddenly meaningless. Could he really do that? It seemed crazy and too good to be true at the same time… It would be the best thing that happened to him in more than a decade… It would be a dream...

“I promise the castle is as welcoming as it has always been, at least until you run into Peeves,” said the Headmaster, clearly enjoying himself.

But Remus couldn’t share Dumbledore’s amusement, because he had just remembered the reason he had always struggled so much to find or keep a decent job – or any job at all, actually.

Was he supposed to transform in the Shrieking Shack? He felt an unpleasant lurch at the mere idea… The last time it had happened, he had had his friends beside him, and the idea of being there without them was painful and terrifying at the same time.

And there was the fact that when he had been a student not everybody had noticed his absences, but as a teacher all the school would have: students were meant to find out, eventually, and the Shack wasn’t even that safe, was it? He had been followed once, so it could happen again…

He swallowed. “What about the full moon?”

“Oh, I am very glad you brought it up, my dear Remus,” said Dumbledore with a pleased smile. “I should have mentioned right away that one of our teachers happens to be able to brew a perfect Wolfsbane Potion, and the school is willing to bear all the costs.”

Remus felt his eyes prickling at the unbelievable news; he blinked hastily, trying to maintain his composure. The Wolfsbane Potion… Merlin, he would be willing to work for free in exchange for a hot meal per day, a proper roof upon his head and a painless transformation.

A moment later he realised which teacher Dumbledore was referring to, and he almost choked on his tea.

“Snape?” he asked, loudlier than he intended. “You want me to drink a potion brewed by Snape?”

“I have complete faith in the goodwill of all my teachers and absolute trust in the talent of some. Severus is among them,” stated Dumbledore, looking truly serious for the first time.

Remus wasn’t very convinced by those words, and from Dumbledore’s look, he knew he wasn’t doing a great job of hiding it.

The Headmaster sighed. “Dark times await us,” he said, concerned. “With Voldemort who I am afraid soon or later will be back and Sirius on the run, Merlin knows how much Harry needs a professor capable of actually teaching him how to defend himself…”

Remus’s eyes widened upon hearing Harry’s name, his heart beating fast yet again. “Do you think… do you think Sirius will look for him?”

“As a matter of fact, I would be surprised if he will not, and I am quite baffled that you had not thought of it, being so determined to catch him.”

Remus could see how silly he had been, now. “I thought he’d be on the track of what’s left of Voldemort,” he admitted reluctantly.

“Oh, I do not doubt that this is one of his next goals, but I will not deny that I would sleep more peacefully knowing I have a trusted man at Hogwarts – one that knows the castle as well as Black, and Black better than anybody else.”

“What’s he like?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” said Dumbledore with amusement.

“I meant… Harry,” specified Remus, despite being sure that Dumbledore knew perfectly well who he was referring to.

“Why ask me when you have the chance to see it with your own eyes?”

Dumbledore put his mug down and smiled kindly before checking his unintelligible watch. “It is running quite late, I am afraid. I am sorry for taking so much of your time. If you are not interested, I will look for another candidate, but it has been a pleasure to s–”

“All right.”

“All right, what?” asked Dumbledore with a knowing smile.

Remus rolled his eyes. “All right, I’ll teach at Hogwarts. But only for this year, giving the circumstances,” he added on a second though. He would love to teach there forever, but he didn’t want to delude himself about it – he had been burned too often to fall in that trap once more.

“Wonderful!” Dumbledore exclaimed cheerfully, clapping his hands. “I will see you on the first of September, then.”

“Yeah… see you on the first.”

Dumbledore had already stood when Remus gave in to the temptation of asking for more. “Hagrid says he looks exactly like James.”

The Headmaster smiled softly. “He does… except for his eyes.”

Remus nodded. He remembered that. “He has Lily’s eyes.”

“He does indeed.”

Finally, Remus was smiling as well.

[aion-rsa]

Best Anime On Amazon Prime Video

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Isn’t it just the worst when you’re out with friends at your favorite restaurant (masked up, of course) and everyone’s discussing Inuyashiki but you’re unable to jump in? How about when you’re waiting for the bus to arrive and people are discussing the latest Happy Sugar Life plot twist? Or when your cashier at the supermarket tries to make small talk and naturally namedrops the eternal equalizer, Re: Creators, and you just have to quietly look at your shoes?

Okay, so anime’s presence might not be quite at that level, but the popularity of the once-niche area of the animation industry only continues to blossom and become more mainstream. Not only are there now ample anime series that are available on popular streaming services, but this is even used as a selling point in some cases! There have never been more anime titles readily available to audiences, which is certainly exciting, but it can also be overwhelming.

Not only are more legacy titles being added to streaming services every month, but there is also a steady stream of new series that are being added. To guarantee that the various libraries of content at your disposal don’t swallow you whole, we’ve done the hard work and narrowed it down to just the top and most important titles!

Inuyashiki: The Last Hero

Inuyashiki is easily one of the best anime to come out in the past few years. Its storytelling even rivals that of great American serialized television. It’s just that good. Right from the start it presents the sort of story that immediately gets your attention and lets you know that you’re watching something special. Inuyashiki is an elderly man whose family seems to hate him and are totally unappreciative of his existence. One night he goes for a walk in the park and some sort of alien explosion rocks the area. When Inuyashiki comes to, he appears to be a super powered robot with insane abilities. He uses these new powers to help those in need and even learns that he can heal and bring people back to life. Suddenly Inuyashiki has a purpose in life and watching him reawaken straight up made me cry on multiple occasions. 

A bratty teenager is also at the park when the explosion happens and he turns into the same robot that Inuyahsiki becomes. This kid, however, is a psychopath and begins mass murdering individuals at an alarming rate. It’s terrifying how callous he is and what this power brings out in him. Some scenes are genuinely hard to watch and it doesn’t take long for him to become one of the most dangerous murderers that the country has ever seen. Suddenly Inuyashiki has a “rival” and the two are pit against each other in a bizarre, infinitely interesting way. This series is a thrilling examination of what people do with power and it balances humble moments of humanity with disturbing violence and insane action. Everything it does hits hard and its ending is perfect in its precision and poignancy. The animation is also stunning in its depiction of these human/robot hybrids and the “minimalist” (ie. finger guns) approach to the violence.

Inuyashiki is a series that I will be absolutely shocked if some savvy American director doesn’t opt to turn into a movie within the next few years. It’s an absolutely beautiful story that boils down to the universal concepts of good and evil. Catch it now and get ahead of the game. At eleven episodes it’s an extremely easy commitment that you’ll wish was longer.

Watch Inuyashiki: The Last Hero on Amazon

Kokkoku: Moment by Moment

Kokkoku: Moment by Moment is a bleak, surreal mystery that plays with time and space in a way that feels fresh and exciting. Juri Yukawa is your typical underachieving teenager who’s failed to find her calling. Kokkoku quickly pulls the rug out from under the viewer and transforms this slice of life anime into something substantially trippier. Juri’s brother and nephew get kidnapped by a cult and Juri’s uncle reveals that their family has the power to stop time, which is exactly what they’re going to do to save them.

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It’s fascinating to watch Juri learn more of the secrets about her lineage as well as her own unique powers. When Juri and her grandfather freeze time, this frozen world is called Stasis, but there are also terrible monsters that lurk in Stasis that prey on those who stay in there for too long. Kokkoku creates such a rich, fully formed story with a deep history to it, but it also initially keeps the audience in the dark to simulate the same overwhelming experience that Juri is going through. Kokkoku slowly parses out answers as Juri and her grandfather become more entwined in the world of Stasis. It’s such an engrossing story that’s so much bigger than the characters and what they’re caught up in.

Watch Kokkoku: Moment by Moment on Amazon

Happy Sugar Life

Happy Sugar Life is one of the darkest series that you’ll ever come across, anime or otherwise. It may even cause some viewers to tap out due to its extreme subject matter, but those that stick around will see a gripping character study that chronicles cyclical abuse and the worst versions of Stockholm Syndrome.

Happy Sugar Life looks at Sato Matsuzaka, a high school girl who kidnaps a small child named Shio because she’s madly in love with her. Now this isn’t a sexual love, but purely romantic and this child is just so innocent and pure that she tunes out all of the darkness in Sato’s life. Sato goes to any lengths necessary (like murder, for instance) to keep Shio locked in her home and a secret to the public. The series follows the very worst of deviants, but its dark perspective and Sato’s sugary sweet fantasies make for a strangely addictive curiosity.

Watch Happy Sugar Life on Amazon

Re: Creators

Re: Creators is extremely awesome in the sense that it delivers sprawling, insane battle sequences, but is also all about the struggles of creation and failing expectations. Sota Mizushino is an avid manga and anime fan and hopes to one day create his own series that finds an audience. Suddenly, characters from all across media—manga, anime, video games— get brought to the real world and Sota somehow becomes the middleman between two factions of creations where the fate of the Earth is at stake.

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Re: Creators is far from the typical “lost characters need to get home” narrative and it manages to continually add surprises throughout the season (it also features one of the more creative takes on the “recap episode” that you’ll ever find). The series mixes existentialism with flashy fight scenes and Re: Creators creates something very bold and memorable in the process. It’s a great deconstruction of the medium in general.

Watch Re: Creators on Amazon

Vatican Miracle Examiner

Vatican Miracle Examiner is essentially “The Exorcist: The Anime” and isn’t that all you really need to hear? The series follows two priests from the Vatican who investigate alleged “miracles” and supernatural faith-based murders. Vatican Miracle Examiner operates with a fun episodic approach for the most part where each new miracle that the duo go to explore put them in the orbit of things like demonic possession, deals with the devil, and killer clowns. As the anime gets further into these investigations, it becomes clear that there’s a much deeper conspiracy afoot where a shadow organization aims to take control of the Vatican. Immortality is also on everyone’s minds and you’d almost expect Indiana Jones to show up in the final stretch of episodes.

Vatican Miracle Examiner feels like it shouldn’t be an anime, but it’s definitely refreshing to see supernatural and conspiratorial elements worked into religion and faith in an anime series.

Watch Vatican Miracle Examiner on Amazon

Pop Team Epic

Pop Team Epic doesn’t give a fuck if you like it or not—in fact it probably hopes that you don’t—and it’s why this manic, insane series is so special. The show is a parody sketch anime that operates with unpredictable, frenetic pacing. Any topic is fair game, but the animation style also radically changes without notice and the series tries to break itself down more than it presents a polished anime. Hell, the end of every episode even presents a “Next Time On…” preview for Hoshiri Girldrop, a fake series that they made up. Just watch the show’s legendary “Hellshake Yano” sequence to get a glimpse of its crazy style and fall in love with it.

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If the show’s unleashed attitude wasn’t enough, each episode is basically eleven minutes long and then the following eleven minutes is the same footage that preceded it, but with minor differences. The voice actors will be changed the second time around, animation touches will contrast, but it’s an incredibly bold experiment to play with the audience and their patience. There seems to be an equal split on the people that love and hate the show’s “Bob Team Epic” halves, but they have people’s attention. With Pop Team Epic recently joining the irreverent Adult Swim’s Toonami lineup, the cult series has become more popular than ever.

Watch Pop Team Epic on Amazon

Sagrada Reset

Sagrada Reset is set within the town of Sakurada, a special community where everyone that lives there possesses some kind of special ability. Kei Asai, for instance, has an exceptional case of photographic memory to the point that he hasn’t forgotten a single thing that’s happened to him in Sakurada. Kei eventually comes in contact with Misora Haruki, who has the ability to reset time for as far back as three days. This is an exceptional power, but through these resets Kei still retains his memory of the now-deleted time. Accordingly, Kei and Misora team up and use their powers in tandem to help out individuals and solve a much larger mystery that’s afoot in Sakurada.

The dynamic here between Kei and Misora is so loving and beautiful, but the show also creates an interesting world where special abilities are not only common, but monitored by a shady corporate board. One of the biggest joys of the series is watching how various abilities overpower and cancel each other out. Kei and Misora have to put some real quick thinking into play to get out of their problems and this thoughtfulness to the stories is why the idea works so well.

Watch Sagrada Reset on Amazon

Onara Gorou

Okay you guys, Onara Gorou isn’t freaking Shakespeare, but it’s a supremely weird series that looks at the antics of Gorou, “the most admirable of farts.�� Gorou attempts to help out individuals (all while connected to the human that’s producing him) and every moment of this show elicits questions that you’re not even sure that you want the answers.

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Onara Gorou almost feels like the early seasons of South Park where this crudely presented idea looks juvenile at its surface layer, but there’s something more intelligent going on underneath. Make no mistake, Onara Gorou isn’t a smart series, but it’s unrepentantly silly and it will make you laugh and question the laws of nature in a way that more shows should. How did you live your life without having this show and its nightmarish ending theme in your world!?

Watch Onara Gorou on Amazon

GTO: Great Teacher Onizuka

Great Teacher Onizuka is such a twisted morality story that it sneaks up on you slow subtly that you don’t even realize what’s happened. Eikichi Onizuka enters the series as slacker ex-gang member with few prospects. After an unattractive teacher steals Onizuka’s date, he determines that teachers must hold a strong sexual power over their students. This random event reshapes Onizuka’s entire life and he becomes a teacher! However, through the process he inadvertently develops a strong sense of morals and is no longer interested in doing something as depraved as hooking up with students.

As Onizuka’s quest goes on, he finds himself hungry to become the best teacher of all-time and happy to dispense his unique outlooks on life to help his class. Onizuka turns into an inspiring mentor to dozens and it’s amazing to see how this “bad guy” finally figures out what his passion is in life. Great Teacher Onizuka will make you feel warm inside, but it’s also funny as hell. Onizuka’s embarrassing antics never disappoint and the show finds the perfect rhythm for its comedy. With 43 episodes available, Great Teacher Onizuka is the kind of comforting comedy that’s there for you to binge watch and relax. Live your best life.

Watch Great Teacher Onizuka on Amazon

Vinland Saga

Vinland Saga is the kind of anime that’s absolute joy for not just fans of brutal action, but also historical dramas. The anime is set during the height of conflict between warring Viking nations and the series does not hold back from the violent nature of these battles. The anime centers around Thorfinn, a child who is forced to come of age during this conflict after his father meets his end courtesy of the enemy. What follows is an impressive look into Thorfinn’s gradual evolution into a warrior as he matures. It’s a painful saga that’s both epic and personal and Vinland Saga manages to make its antagonist, Askeladd, just as compelling as Thorfinn and a complex anti-hero in his own right. It’s the perfect series for anime fans who want something a little more adult.

Watch Vinland Saga on Amazon

Kaiba

Kaiba is a 12-episode anime masterpiece by auteur Masaaki Yuasa that’s really like nothing else out there. It’s almost as if Charlie Kaufman tried to write a Philip K. Dick story and the thing that honestly feels closest to Kaiba is Duncan Trussell’s The Midnight Gospel, but that still only scratches the surface of this anime’s unique, curious, and chaotic nature. Kaiba exists in a world where society is divided by wealth and bodies and memories are treated like rejuvenation tools. The aristocracy effectively live forever by coasting between different bodies and there’s an incredible story that’s told here about identity.

Kaiba wades in thoughtful territory, but it also utilizes a warped, fluid art style that reflects the incestuous themes of replication and individuality. The anime is as gorgeous as it is emotional and there’s a deeply cathartic payoff to everything. Kaiba’s story is so beautiful that you won’t want to leave this universe. It’s one of the most enriching and satisfying anime series on Amazon Prime Video and there are so few programs that create the awe-inspiring energy that drives Kaiba.

Watch Kaiba on Amazon

Lupin The 3rd, Parts 1 And 5

Lupin the 3rd is one of the longest-running anime institutions and prolific names in the industry like Hayao Miyazaki even cut their teeth on the Lupin franchise. The anime tackles the “gentleman thief” archetype with an elusive protagonist who always finds a way to evade capture and outsmart the authorities, even if he’s simultaneously a bumbling mess. Lupin the 3rd offers a strong variety of both episodic and serialized storytelling that’s perfect for anyone who’s a fan of mysteries or procedural crime programs. Amazon Prime Video has the first and last series of Lupin the 3rd, which highlight the diversity of the crime and adventure hybrid series. 

Lupin the 3rd, Part 1 introduces Lupin and the eccentric cast of characters that become linked together, for both better and for worse. There’s a balance between adult-themed crimes as well as broader and more fantastical schemes that are appropriate for all ages. Lupin the 3rd, Part 5 offers a more modern take on Lupin’s hijinks with advanced technology like drones, the dark web, and cybercrimes playing major roles in the season’s cases. It’s very easy to get lost in these affable characters and the fast-paced and surprising mysteries that are Lupin the 3rd’s specialty.

Watch Lupin the 3rd on Amazon

Flame Of Recca

There are dozens of shonen anime series and many of the weaker examples can feel interchangeable and derivative of the action genre’s basic archetypes. Flame of Recca is a shonen series from the 1990s that is emblematic of its time period in the best way possible. Recca Hanabishi learns that he’s the descendant of the Hokage, a powerful group of ninjas, and that he has the ability to manipulate fire. 

Recca aligns with many others with impressive and contrasting supernatural abilities and even though Flame of Recca also touches on the typical shonen touchstones like a demon enemy who’s hungry for immortality and an extensive tournament, it feels refreshing rather than lazy. At only 42 episodes, Flame of Recca doesn’t drag on like other anime of a similar nature. It’s not bogged down in filler so it’s able to just deliver satisfying action. Flame of Recca is an underrated shonen title that deserves the same level of attention as Bleach or Yu Yu Hakusho. 

Watch Flame of Recca on Amazon

Kabaneri Of The Iron Fortress  

Attack on Titan is airing its final season and about to conclude, which means it’s the perfect time to check out Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress, an anime that cultivates a very similar energy. The series is set during an alternate version of the Industrial Revolution where a gruesome plague of undead vampire-like monsters known as the Kabane wreak havoc on humanity. The only way to kill these monsters is to pierce their iron-coated hearts. There’s a heavy steampunk vibe present with the weapons that get developed and the wall that’s erected around the city to keep the people safe.

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress does an excellent job in how it mixes action and horror and it makes the Kabane threat feel real and dangerous. At the same time, it’s also careful to make sure that its characters are actually people that the audience cares about. Much like in Attack on Titan, the brilliance of the humans and the strategy that they develop is some of the most gripping material and it’s an exciting take on a deadly outbreak that’s completely different from the norm. 

Watch Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress on Amazon

Elfen Lied

Elfen Lied is easy to dismiss as it looks like the kind of disposable, generic content that gives anime a bad name, but not judging a book by its cover is exactly the point of Elfen Lied. The anime follows Lucy, a mutant experimental reject that is hungry for revenge against humans for their negligent treatment towards her. Lucy looks almost identical to a human, which allows Elfen Lied to unpack a deeper commentary on themes like prejudice and social ostracization. 

Part of what makes Elfen Lied stand out so much is that it’s decked in bright colors and an expressive and soft art style, only to juxtapose this with an extreme amount of blood (Adult Swim even deemed that Elfen Lied was too violent to air on their Toonami block, even in an edited form). Elfen Lied is constantly shocking and will make the viewer wince, but it succeeds in its bold and memorable message.

Watch Elfen Lied on Amazon

Also Available On Amazon Prime Video: Made in Abyss, Black Jack, Land of the Lustrous, Blue Submarine No. 6, Samurai Pizza Cats, Monster Rancher, and a number of excellent anime feature films like Redline, Robot Carnival and Toriko the Movie

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[ride-run-sleep-repeat]

I know I’ve probably written previously about some race being the “hardest thing I’ve ever done” but they were lies. Okay, maybe not lies, but a climb up a ridiculous ladder I’m pretty sure I’ve finally reached the top of. GODZone is literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

It’s been 14 days since the race and i’ve only just stopped dreaming about bush bashing, my fingernails still have dirt under them (I swear i’ve showered!) but my toes have stopped feeling wet even though they are most certainly dry. So that’s a plus I guess?

Also, everyone said Fiordland is the wettest place on earth but I’m going to have to call BS because the weather was actually perfect (thank fark). The wettest place on earth was the ecosystem in my shoes – trail Mud, water, bush bashing mud, didymo cleaning stuff, water from grass not rain, swamp mud (you get the picture…).

I’ve read a lot about elite athletes envisioning their end goals and by doing so are able to push through when it gets really hard. I think it is a true testament to our team, even in the very beginning, that we were constantly talking about the last leg and that it seemed like there was no doubt we would get there eventually, even though “eventually” was in 8 days time.

But the length of the race aside, the really genius thing about it was that although there weren’t very many legs, they all could be broken down into manageable mini legs. (Doesn’t that just sound delightful?!)

This race was really long so i’m just going to acknowledge the fact that some parts were really really brutal and awful right now. But secretly, one of the reasons I keep going back is to see how I deal with the lows. I was also very much a passenger hanging on for dear life (except not as much as Wildside because training actually really works!), so don’t expect me to remember names of rivers, or roads, or anything geographically located. You can go to http://godzoneadventure.com/ for all of that or ask Tom and Paul. You’re coming on my emotional rollercoaster dear reader, buckle up.

Stage one was a packraft/hike/cheeky 150 metre abseil and another packraft (see what I mean about mini legs?) The first portage, which included climbing up a wall of dirt and vines pulling our inflated packrafts along with us was a tiny taster for what was to come (seriously, it wouldn’t even register as anything now. I might be broken). We walked down the river for some time before deciding on Option 2 of 3 bad Option options. Essentially it meant a 1000 metre vertical climb in under 3kms to the top and over some mountain that was between an even bigger mountain (Option 1) and a smaller but dodgier looking mountain (Option 3). The views were pretty good just before we passed the tree line and then the clouds rolled in and it was almost a white out up the top before the darkness descended as we started down the other side, turned on our head torches and were delighted with seeing all the other lights on various mountains around us.

There could be other stuff after this but the next thing I remember is getting to a flat rock overhang about 500 metres from where we were going to abseil and the volunteer who was camped out there saying “it’s not a hard nav to the top”. Well, look, technically she was right. What she did fail to mention though, was that it was going to be incredibly steep and slow to get there. But we did, and after harnessing up and heaving the 150 metre rope Paul thought was too impossibly long to exist back up from the bottom (it existed alright), we descended into the night. Which, thank goodness, because it probably would have been scary otherwise. You know the saying “What you don’t know can’t hurt you”? Well “What Alex can’t see won’t hurt her” was definitely a thing during the race.

Then there was another paddle and we made it to stage 2!

“A straightfoward bike” indeed. The caves were pretty cool. It took the boys a bit of time to orientate themselves but once they had, we bagged all the check points easily. In fact, I think this is one of the only times Tom and Paul weren’t certain the whole race, which is a testament to their skilful navving abilities. Lee even offered to swim the short swim for the last CP and no one complained about that. It did take us the whole two hours so we emerged from the cold depths into the surprisingly humid afternoon and made our way through to the much anticipated, but also dreaded Stage 3. Oh yeah and we decided to walk the 7kms to the lake at the start so we could have a little sleep before the first pack raft. A few things:

It is very hard to walk in a straight line while trying not to sleep.

You cannot walk that far with your eyes closed

7kms is a long way when you really just want to sleep

This is the leg shit got real. Real muddy, real wet, real blistery and real hungry. The estimated slow time was 60 hours. Well, the fastest teams did it in 60 hours. So while us mere mortals packed more food in anticipation, we didn’t anticipate we’d be out there for a solid 4 days.

Highlights include:

4 hours of grade 2/2+ wave trains

The long and strategically genius sleep after getting to the top of a ridge in the dark.

Entering pack rafts from steep bushy terrain onto the water (see photo below)

Finding DoCs (Department of Conservation) possum trap tracks instead of having to bush bash

The 2 km novelty paddle which let our feet rest, if only for an hour

Westies hut

The awesome bridges with 1 person max so someone would dibs going last to have a longer sitting break

Finishing the leg

Lowlights include:

Endless mud

Blisters (shoutout to the medic for sorting me out!)

Putting sore feet back into wet shoes

Soft but actually super prickly moss (Paul said he used some as TP and it was okay though).

After waking up from our last sleep with a big section of coastal track to finish, we hoped by some miracle it would be easier for the last “little” bit. I mean we weren’t hoping for much, even if it only had half the amount of mud from the previous section, we would have been stoked. Much to our surprise, the mud was scarce and the trail was wide! This is probably the first time in the race we got to talk to each other properly and it was amazing to realise how important that aspect of racing is. The conversation did peter out though when Tom started struggling (something i’ve never witnessed before) due to the skin around his toes deciding it didn’t need to be attached, or at the very least, loosely affiliated.

We scored a hot Back Country meal at the TA and as the medic popped all my blisters and told me my feet were better than others he’d seen (I was dubious) he showed me a horrifying photo of another teams feet who had said that he thought “it was only a bit of sand in his shoes” but in fact it was an epically horrible fungal infection and he had to get airlifted to hospital. I felt much better about my feet after that.

The Rowallan Forest looked innocent at first, but as we found ourselves at in thigh deep bog mud (with bikes in tow), it was clear that some simple bush bashing to find a derelict bridge wouldn’t be that simple. After sloshing back and forth to retrace wheel marks from previous teams we decided to head back up the ridge (not fun or easy), ride a little and attack from another angle. Until it looked impossible at night and we decided to sleep for a few hours till sunlight. To be honest, it didn’t seem very possible in light either, even less with a bike, but after 45 minutes we made it out and the rest was much easier after that. Except for when we got to Percy Saddle.

If anyone ever tells you that they’ve heard of Percy’s Saddle and that they’d like to go, laugh in their face. There was no such thing as a “grade 5 mountain bike route”. In mountain bike terms it is not a trail. It is a fire road that ends almost at the top of a steep mountain with 700 metres of markers that alludes to a trail they haven’t built yet.

I tried to channel my bad case of the farts to propel me and my bike up this barbaric route and even though that didn’t work we managed to get them all the way to the top. Although I’m really not sure how. I do know that it shouldn’t take 2 hours to travel 700 metres. It was so exhausting both physically and mentally that someone turned on the waterworks behind my eyes and I couldn’t turn it off for a good couple minutes. Paul and Tom stood awkwardly around me and cried on the inside instead.

I forgot to mention we were also racing the clock to make the 3am cut off to the kayak leg which would take us to stage 6 – the last 24km hike before Stage 7 – a measly (I say “measly” with literally no sarcasm) 8 hour paddle to the finish. We made the cut off with 10 minutes to spare and got some sleep at the most sandfly and team infested hut in the whole race.

After enduring window shaking snoring throughout the night and feeling lower than a limbo champion, I sat in silence next to Paul as we ate a Back Country and treated our feet, watching the 3 teams who’d also bunked with us leave, before mustering the courage to put on our shoes and take the tentative first steps of the 24km hike. Although I felt like death, this hike had the most beautiful terrain of the whole bloody race.

Our first goal was to get to a ginormous and extremely powerful waterfall rumoured to have made a team turn back at the sight of it. After that, it was a steep, mossy and holey slog to the novelty canoe.  One of the volunteers had some boiling water on the fire (such luxury!) and I think this is where Tom created a concoction of dehydrated mash potatoes and 2-minute noodles which he claims was amazing while we laughed at the other team who had just started paddling in circles.

  Enormous Waterfall

  Except when we started paddle we did exactly the same. After a few spins we got used to the paddles and made our way in pitch black darkness to the other side of the lake where after an interesting attempt by Paul to light a fire with the stove, we set up tents and slept for a few hours till daylight.

Braden Currie (Multiple Coast to Coast winner) boated over to pick up our canoes in the morning and said that we should try to hit the pass before the weather got bad. We later took this as a polite “hurry the f@*k up” as the weather ended up being delightful and the view spectacular from the top. Descending into the valley towards the lake took a lot shorter than we expected, probably due to the steep terrain we either lowered ourselves down by vines/grass/whatever solid thing we could find or slid down.

  View from the pass. Only 10 kms (6 more hours) down the valley following the river to the lake! 

  Boulder hopping, (not one of my fortes) became incredibly fun and we eventually made it to the final TA by following a trail of bright fluro markers which are every adventure racers favourite thing to hunt down. (Or at least our teams anyway). We had very low food rations at this point so it was wonderful to stuff my face while the volunteers politely but firmly tried to get us into the kayaks as fast as possible.

This is where we forgot about our feet and aching bodies, dug deep and clicked into beast mode.

Tom was in the front of our kayak as it had the steering thingos (technical term). The wind was pretty horrendous for the first couple of hours and having not done up our jackets, Tom got pounded by huge whitecaps and was not happy about it. So at the first CP we got out, rugged up and carried on.

As the darkness descended and we made it to the last CP we fully expected to have to camp there for the night, leaving us a piddly 5km from the finish. But as we approached, the volunteer radioed in and HQ said we could carry on to the finish. We had a quick team discussion and after bribing Tom with a chocolate OSM we got back into the boats and paddled our way to the finish line. To find out we’d come 3rd place in the international team category, which was just ridiculous.

So what did I learn from this epic race? Firstly, that team comradery and communication is vital to enjoying and getting through a race. Secondly, that your low points can get lower but you can and will continue through pain and tears because the competitive drive still burns and thirdly, even when you think you’ve reached your physical limit, you can keep one upping yourself.

Team goal – “Our goal is to finish the full course with our limbs intact and still be willing to speak to each other.”

Well, we finished the full course anyway.

Would I do it again? Yes. But I’m going to enjoy coffee and my day job for a little while before I sign up for another…

PS shout out to Shapes for making the greatest race food of all time – Nacho cheese flavoured shapes and La Sportiva for creating the most perfect shoe – the Akasha.

GODZone Fiordland 2018 I know I've probably written previously about some race being the "hardest thing I've ever done" but they were lies.

[selina-caspari]

✗ Title: Secrets Revealed ✗ Time Period: 14th of June 2019 - 17th of June 2019 ✗ Trigger Warnings: Abuse, Trauma. ✗ Mentions: Camila DeLucia. As Selina lay against the hardened cot that she had been assigned, all she could do was stare up at the grey brick ceiling that looked as though it were stained with dirt of some sort. The longer she stared the more that she felt like she was losing her mind. Imagining as if the dirt were clouds and trying to figure out what the clusters resembled. One of her arms raised to trace the imaginary shapes in the air. As soon as she did so however it was like a sudden snap back into reality when she noticed the orange sleeves of her prison clothing. Selina Caspari had been arrested - and she had no one to turn to. It had only been a couple of hours since she had been arrested. During one of her day trips into the town Selina's mind slipped while trying on one of the scarves in the store. She had completely forgot she was wearing it until she had tried to leave the store and the sound of the alarms instantly went off. It was one thing to be held in a security office in the mall while waiting for the police. It was another to be in an orange jumpsuit and held behind bars. "Miss Caspari.." The name caught her off guard. Even if she had a royal title Selina always hated hearing 'Princess' or 'Miss Caspari'. It just didn't feel like her. Pulling herself to sit up on the cot Selina's blue hues glanced up to meet one of the officers. "Would you like to make a call?" At first Selina instantly went to say no, but then she stopped herself. Selina had been so focused about the people that she couldn't call, that the friends she had made at the estate completely slipped her mind. The blonde quickly nodded her head at the officer. "Yeah, I would please," she spoke softly. Despite the circumstances Selina still kept her politeness. Selina had been led to a small office type room that consisted of a couple of chairs, a desk with a computer that was locked and a phone. The rest of the room looked fairly blank and ominous. The officer let go of her left arm when they got into the room and nodded down to the phone on the desk. "I'll be just out in the hall," he muttered before stepping out and closing the door behind him. At first Selina was left in shock. Was this really what her life had come to? Left alone in a room that was only slightly more dressed up than her cell. Regardless Selina was going to choose to stay positive about the whole situation. Slowly her petite form settled onto one of the seats, simply staring down at the phone like it was some foreign object. The femme had gotten so used to mobile phones that the thought of a phone ever having something to lift and then separate buttons for the numbers made her mind race. Carefully she wound her slender fingertips around the top of the phone and lifted it up to her ear, listening to the beeping sounds the phone made with every number that she pressed. If it weren't for the situation she was in then the beeps probably would have caused a laughter to escape her lips. As the phone began to ring however her only focus was the hope that the phone would be answered. Although it took a little longer than it usually would there was finally a cautious answer to the other end of the phone. And even though it was a quiet hello and asking who this was there was an instant flood of relief within her. The sound of Camila's voice set her mind at ease. "Hey.." she began with the chuckle finally falling from her lips. "..Funny thing. Do you know how we talked about what it would be like to spend time in an abandoned prison?" Selina didn't even bother to wait for a reply from the girl before she continued. "Well I did it, kind of. I'm in prison. And I could really use your help." Although Selina felt the feeling of guilt filling her stomach as she said it, she knew that she shouldn't. In fact if Cami knew the guilt she was feeling from that she would probably instantly snap her out of it. As anyone would have expected Cami didn't even hesitate before agreeing that she would come and bail her out. It was like she was making a plan to bring the money and take Selina back to the estate withing the next hour. The instance of being there only made Selina smile as she listened to the girl rave on. "Actually, the money just needs to get wired through. I don't know anything else yet. They're kind of like you at big events, they aren't that forthcoming," Selina joked. At least she still had her positive outlook. That was one thing that she would at least always have. The officer poking his head back into the room and asking if Selina was finished yet made her start to finish up the call. "Thank you, really. And I will definitely make it up to you." After saying goodbyes Selina settled the phone back down before her blue hues glanced up to meet the officer once more. "I've got someone posting my bail, does that mean that once the money has come through I can go?" she asked. It was an innocent enough question. But by the grave look on the officer's face it was like he had to say that someone had died. The officer straightened himself up before giving a small shake of his head. "Actually, Miss. Since it's 9:08pm on Friday we won't be able to actually release you until Monday." The smile that was on her lips instantly disappeared. ——— The fact that Selina wasn't able to contact anybody meant that she felt completely alone. That mixed with the fact that the officers wouldn't let her leave her cell due to her royal status and wanting to keep her safe - Selina was definitely getting tired of her own company. All she did was simply lay about with her own inner thoughts that felt like they were haunting her. God it felt like she had been in there weeks. It wasn't like she had killed someone. Selina being the kind-hearted human that she was wouldn't be able to even if in the back of her mind she wanted to. You might wonder how someone could be so certain of that. Because you never know what someone can do under certain circumstances. The truth was however, Selina had already been through that situation. Had the want to make someone pay for their action and having no real justice. After the night where her father attacked Selina she thought maybe things could go back to the way things were. Her father had gotten his anger out and they could move on once again as a family. After learning of Sebastian running away from her and the baby, family was what she needed. That wasn't how it played out however. And as the only Caspari child, she knew that she wouldn't be apart of the family ever again. Selina's father had killed her baby, and deep in the back of her mind there was a part of her that wanted to do the same to him too. Or at least that thought was there. Instead Selina opted to starting her new life at the estate under some false reasoning. The longer that Selina had to sit with that outcome it felt like she got the short end of the stick. Why was it that as the one that got abused by her father that she had to start a new life? Meanwhile back at her childhood home her father was able to be in charge of ruling a country. Anger had started boiling up inside of her the longer that she was plagued with inner thoughts. It was like her mind had started to turn against her. All of her positiveness had disappeared into this pain of being mistreated. Something that even in the worst of moments hadn't ever happened before. Due to Selina's usual general charismatic personality she was able to get along with the guards and the officers. It was the only conversation she had in the last few days so she soaked up every moment of it. A gentle tap on the cell bars made Selina lift her head to see one of the officers. "Miss Caspari, we're just writing up your release papers now. So you'll be out of here within the next hour." Selina simply stared at the officer as if he were crazy. How was Selina supposed to go back to living this life at the estate that was essentially a prison to keep her father safe. He deserved to have to face his actions just as much as Selina had to live with the outcome of them. It was obvious that Selina had gone into her own train of thought. So the officer clicked his fingers a couple of times in her eye line to catch her attention once more. "Are you okay?" he asked. Instantly Selina nodded back to the question like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Selina was finally going to release herself from this grasp from the past and let the estate be the true escape that she had intended it to be from the start. Free of secrets, free of burdens, free to be herself. "Yeah, uh, do you mind if I make a call?" she queried with her index finger extended slightly. Almost like a hidden indicator that she had a plan in mind. The officer thought that Selina wanted to arrange for somebody to come pick her up so agreed and led her back to the same room with the phone in it. As soon as the officer closed the door, Selina was left alone once again in the slightly brighter empty room. Settling down Selina crossed her right leg over her left and made sure to get herself comfortable - this wasn't going to be a short phone call. Turning the phone to face her Selina started to dial a number. The humour of the old phone had worn off. It was like Selina was on a mission, and all she could see was red. Despite the fact that the officer thought she was arranging her pick up, he couldn't have been more wrong. And as soon as the other person answered the phone Selina was going to prove that. "Yes, hello. This is Selina Caspari, princess of Switzerland." The sound of typing from the other end was clearly distinct as she waited for a response. Almost as soon as the typing started it stopped when the reporter on the other end wanted to confirm that it was Selina. Selina who had supposedly began to see things that weren't real and sent to Royal Pains estate. A smirk crept onto Selina's lips as those words echoed into her ear. Oh how they really knew nothing. Everyone was simply being played the fool when it came to her family. Leaning forward slightly Selina prepared herself by clearing herself slightly. "Partly true," she began. "I did get sent to Royal Pains estate. However it wasn't for that. I got sent here to cover up the fact that my father beat me..." Although she had so much more to say, being able to start by admitting those first few words felt freeing. Not only was she getting released from jail today. She was also finally releasing herself from the prison that this secret burdened her with.

[quentinquaadgras]

118 --- An Educational Manifesto

Preface

I know there is no image this post, I spent all my time writing it this evening and I could not think of a good image for this. If you have a view on education in NZ, please read this through. It is an important topic and I would love to hear some input/contrast on my ideas. There is a TLDR (too long didn’t read) at the bottom.

Introduction

The current education system in New Zealand is inadequate and old-fashioned, students are not taught how to think, they are taught how to pass tests. The system needs to be built upon principles of purpose, engagement, creativity and productivity so it is prepared for the future. Preschool and primary schools start off well, I do not have any critique for that sector of education but when children get to intermediate school and high-school, issues arise. At a time of their lives when students should be preparing for what they will be doing in life, they are pressured by the expectations from school and their peers.

I have heard from too many students who find it difficult in High School, bullying, peer pressure and expectations plague our students. Instead of learning how to become productive people with creative skills, hobbies and interests. Students spend too much of their education “studying” for their next test. This is not real “studying”, students are disengaged from the subjects that they are being required to learn. 

This is not the fault of the teachers, they are doing the best job they can do with the policies and structures in place, in fact the current high-school education system is almost as much of a burden on teachers as it is on students. This is not a financial issue, it is not an issue of under-funding, throwing money at schools will not resolve the issues being outlined here.

The majority of the education system in New Zealand is still based on the industrial era style education, where students are put through like products on an assembly line. In this system, each student is tested for quality control and then stamped with a level of competence.

I cannot believe that with all this time spent on discussing progressive policies, climate change and social equality and equity. Nobody is talking about progressing the education system. Sure, there is plenty of talk that the education system needs to be improved but I do not see any real substance of how to actually do it.

Maybe this is because the majority of the people in this country have gone through the education system, it is normal, they cannot think of how it could be any different. This is where I may have an insight, I am one of the small percentage of people in the country who was homeschooled. I had a very different sort of education than what is found in school. This allows me to look at the high-school education system as an outsider, as someone with a fresh perspective.

A good education system needs to be based on principles. These are the principles I think an education system should incorporate.

Purpose Students need to have the opportunity to discover their purpose at High School.

Engagement Students do not learn what they are forced to learn. They need to be given the chance to learn by doing what motivates them.

Creativity All subjects involve creativity. It is essential for innovation. Mathematics and STEM would be picked up by many more students if they were given the opportunity to be creative within these subjects at school.

Production Being productive starts at school, students need to work on projects, hobbies and become producers of wealth rather than consumers. With the internet, being a consumer has never been so easy, people can watch any movie at a touch of a button. Production, creating content and solving problems is also essential for the healthy emotional state of a person. I would argue that a lack of production and purpose are two of the factors for increasing rates of depression and anxiety in young people in this country.

How to do it

I am not going to explain how to build an education system from scratch, I understand that any change to the education system needs to be built on top of what already exists. The steps outlined below explain how I would change the education system.

Redefine Tests Tests should not be something students prepare for, this sounds like a crazy idea but its not. The purpose of a test is to measure a student’s progress. It’s not a target or goal for a student to reach. The culture of exams and the pressure that they impound on students is incredibly unhealthy for a student’s well-being. It contributes to the rising Anxiety and Depression rates in this country.

Redefining tests is easy, tests can be changed so they surprise students and they should not be based on the ability for a student to recall information like a computer. They should be either open-book or based on measuring the understanding of a student and not their short-term memory. End of year external exams need to be removed and replaced with reoccurring tests throughout the year (these already exist, they are called internals).

The tests do not need to be radically different, the infrastructure is already there, it boils down to a change of process. To clarify, national standards should not be removed, they should simply be used as a measuring tool instead of a target that students aim for.

Replace credits with CV/Portfolios The credit system in schools is a bit like the tax system, it is complex. One of the problems with the school system is that it does not reflect adult life. Credits do not exist after students leave school, companies do not give people credits when they change job. It doesn’t make too much sense.

Students don’t get it, they almost need professional advice in order to navigate the credit system. What can happen is that there is a portfolio system where students are able to keep a record the skills they gain from their education. Whether this is done on an NCEA web-platform or on a personal level can be decided upon.

The important aspect here is that with a portfolio/CV system, students will be getting ready for work, they will be learning how to present themselves, they will be keeping a record of their achievements. They will know where they stand. Depending on the method of record keeping, this may or may not need some infrastructure changes (such as a government website).

Compulsory Productivity Taking numeracy and literacy is compulsory and this is a very good thing. There is another thing which needs to be compulsory (there is an upside to this one as it does not require more teachers). Projects should be compulsory at school. Students should be required to complete personal projects and be given allotted time to spend on these projects. 

There shouldn’t be any restrictions on these projects, for example students may wish to create a game or a movie. They may wish to create a robot or experiment with electronics. They may wish to compose a song and complete a performance. These projects will inspire the students, give them a direction, a purpose and look great on their CV’s. It will encourage individual learning and students will have the resource available on the internet in order to educate themselves on their projects. Again, this change will not need major infrastructure changes, I am sure most highschools have internet availability and/or areas where students can work on projects either together or as an individual, it will require students to have the time at school to work on such projects. Encourage Creativity & STEM Out of the all the modifications which have been proposed in this manifesto, this is probably the most difficult to implement. There is a reason why students are losing interest in STEM and it is not because the subjects are boring. It is because the way they are taught is. One of the most common misconceptions about STEM fields is that they are not creative fields. This could not be any further from the truth. Creativity is an essential part of STEM, in fact without it, there would be no STEM, scientific innovation is based upon creativity and exploration. Although the type of creativity is different to what is commonly referred to such as Art, Music, Literature and Film. A person who is passionate about STEM can be just as creatively brilliant as individuals in the more traditional arts. The only reason this is difficult to see is because such creativity is hidden behind jargon and specific knowledge of the subject. STEM subjects in schools need to be taught in a way which encourages exploration of the subject without sacrificing the facts and knowledge which is required for them.

Conclusion

Education is the foundation of our society, with better educated students, they will grow up and fix the problems we are currently stuck with. Significantly improving the current education system in New Zealand is not difficult. The changes here do not require significant investment, all they require is a change of policy.

I do not proclaim to be an expert on education, I only proclaim that I am lucky to have had a great, meaningful education and I wish that every other New Zealander can have one too. I want young people to have the opportunities I had, the opportunity to personally explore, discover, create and develop. 

I mean DIY, it’s in our DNA [1].

TLDR

I outline the issues with the New Zealand education system and four simple steps on how to improve it. Footnotes [1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVwYnPge8wQ

[hcolleen]

Time for another book review (I only do these for books that really make me think or wow me some way...that I think would be good for lots of people, anyway)

Forging Hephaestus by Drew Hayes (save yourself time with this review just read his stuff and don’t read this, lol.  He’s actually a pretty good writer with diverse casts of characters, well written females who span the spectrum from damsel in distress to knight in shining armor (his guys do, too) along with a diversity of races and sexuality (the story isn’t about their struggle as whichever race or sexuality they are, but how their story intersects with the story (I’ll explain a little better later in this review) and he’s good with the well turned phrase)

So, before I start the review, we’re going to define a couple of terms to save confusion later on.

Villains: people with superpowers of questionable moral character that are members of a guild

Thieves: people with superpowers of questionable moral character that are not members of a guild

Bad guys: traitors with superpowers, regardless of initial moral character

Heros: people with superpowers of impeccable moral character

Metas: non-aligned people with superpowers (even silly ones)

Tori Rivas is able to shift into fire but prefers playing with tech.  She’s also a thief to start with (can I tell you how surreal it is to hear (audio books are reading, too) other thieves have a discussion about how, since they don’t know her country of origin, Mexican is the wrong term and they should use latina is? Because it is quite odd).  She gets caught doing a job and is given the choice to either join the guild as an apprentice (and die if she fails) or die there.  Being practical, she choses to join the guild, but is...willful and ends up being apprenticed to Ivan, who used to be one of the most feared villains (pre-guild, and this is important) who impresses on her the importance of the villains’ code of honour.  This code boils down to villains don’t go after heros, they don’t go after each other, their targets are to be neutral to both sides, and they police their own and the thieves who refuse to follow the code.  As long as they follow the code, the heros don’t actively search them out, focusing instead on thieves the guild hasn’t gotten to yet or disasters, or unaligned metas (to either recruit them or lock them up)

So, complex ethical questions here.  Is it right for the heros to essentially ignore the villains if they stay in their lane and let them self-police?  Or should the heros seek to get rid of the villains completely because they are heros and villains?

So, during her training, Tori meets three other villains-in-training and they have to learn to work together.  One is a guy who can control any bug type he has seen in person, one is a guy who can write glyphs and use magic, the last is a girl who can turn into dragons of various types (she also happens to be black and absolutely refused to join the heros (even though her overall moral code should guide her that way) because when her grandfather gained powers from an object, they told him he couldn’t join because of his skin color and took the object from him (this is her story, so yes, discrimination, but it isn’t actively part of this story, though it affects the way the story goes. Her story in this book is learning to control her powers and learning to work with her team, it isn’t about her experience as a black woman, but her experience as a person with superpowers figuring things out)

So, in the midst of this, a group of bad guys on both sides decide it’s time to stop putting up with each other, though, oddly the hero bad guy trusts the villain bad guys to work with him to eliminate the guild then...I dunno...roll over and die? Go to jail?  Who knows, but it’s not well thought through and goes about how you’d expect it (note: people really only imagine others doing what they would do, if they could, which goes for bathrooms as well as for superpowers, if they existed).

Cue huge battle (at this point, even as vague as this review is, this shouldn’t be a surprise).

One of the cutest (in my opinion) characters is a meta who has the ability to make cliches true.  She gains extra money through using ‘a penny saved is a penny earned’ on herself, which works by the amount she’s really tempted to spend, could spend, but doesn’t is added to her bank account (so, like if you were super tempted by a starbucks run, could afford it, but succeeded in your willpower roll and didn’t go, you’d have that much more in your money places (I might need more sleep...))

One of the....scariest villains is in this book, too.  He’s utterly benign unless you’ve harmed children.  Then....what is left behind is the thing of nightmares.  Even the other villains don’t want to know what he is or how he works, and the one that did ask (an AI that won her freedom) asked to have her memory of the event erased because it was that bad.

So, this is a book about villains, which is different, and a lot of ethical questions set into a well built world of technology and magic, where superpowers have been a part of the public conscience for about 60-70 years or so, where everyone has to make their own decisions and the lines are a whole lot less clear than they seem at first, where there really isn’t a black and white, but a myriad of shades of grey (there are 256 shades, if you ask a computer geek).  Complex, a really good think in the midst of a Marvel type universe.

[viralnewstime]

Alex Stamos, Facebook’s former chief security officer, who left the company this summer to take up a role in academia, has made a contribution to what’s sometimes couched as a debate about how to monetize (and thus sustain) commercial end-to-end encrypted messaging platforms in order that the privacy benefits they otherwise offer can be as widely spread as possible.

Stamos made the comments via Twitter, where he said he was indirectly responding to the fallout from a Forbes interview with WhatsApp co-founder Brian Acton — in which Acton hit at out at his former employer for being greedy in its approach to generating revenue off of the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

Both WhatsApp founders’ exits from Facebook has been blamed on disagreements over monetization. (Jan Koum left some months after Acton.)

In the interview, Acton said he suggested Facebook management apply a simple business model atop WhatsApp, such as metered messaging for all users after a set number of free messages. But that management pushed back — with Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg telling him they needed a monetization method that generates greater revenue “scale”.

And while Stamos has avoided making critical remarks about Acton (unlike some current Facebook staffers), he clearly wants to lend his weight to the notion that some kind of trade-off is necessary in order for end-to-end encryption to be commercially viable (and thus for the greater good (of messaging privacy) to prevail); and therefore his tacit support to Facebook and its approach to making money off of a robustly encrypted platform.

Stamos’ own departure from the fb mothership was hardly under such acrimonious terms as Acton, though he has had his own disagreements with the leadership team — as set out in a memo he sent earlier this year that was obtained by BuzzFeed. So his support for Facebook combining e2e and ads perhaps counts for something, though isn’t really surprising given the seat he occupied at the company for several years, and his always fierce defence of WhatsApp encryption.

(Another characteristic concern that also surfaces in Stamos’ Twitter thread is the need to keep the technology legal, in the face of government attempts to backdoor encryption, which he says will require “accepting the inevitable downsides of giving people unfettered communications”.)

I don't want to weigh into the personal side of the WhatsApp vs Facebook fight, as there are people I respect on both sides, but I do want to use this as an opportunity to talk about the future of end-to-end encryption. (1/13)

— Alex Stamos (@alexstamos) September 26, 2018

This summer Facebook confirmed that, from next year, ads will be injected into WhatsApp statuses (aka the app’s Stories clone). So it is indeed bringing ads to the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

For several years the company has also been moving towards positioning WhatsApp as a business messaging platform to connect companies with potential customers — and it says it plans to meter those messages, also from next year.

So there are two strands to its revenue generating playbook atop WhatsApp’s e2e encrypted messaging platform. Both with knock-on impacts on privacy, given Facebook targets ads and marketing content by profiling users by harvesting their personal data.

This means that while WhatsApp’s e2e encryption means Facebook literally cannot read WhatsApp users’ messages, it is ‘circumventing’ the technology (for ad-targeting purposes) by linking accounts across different services it owns — using people’s digital identities across its product portfolio (and beyond) as a sort of ‘trojan horse’ to negate the messaging privacy it affords them on WhatsApp.

Facebook is using different technical methods (including the very low-tech method of phone number matching) to link WhatsApp user and Facebook accounts. Once it’s been able to match a Facebook user to a WhatsApp account it can then connect what’s very likely to be a well fleshed out Facebook profile with a WhatsApp account that nonetheless contains messages it can’t read. So it’s both respecting and eroding user privacy.

This approach means Facebook can carry out its ad targeting activities across both messaging platforms (as it will from next year). And do so without having to literally read messages being sent by WhatsApp users.

As trade offs go, it’s a clearly a big one — and one that’s got Facebook into regulatory trouble in Europe.

It is also, at least in Stamos’ view, a trade off that’s worth it for the ‘greater good’ of message content remaining strongly encrypted and therefore unreadable. Even if Facebook now knows pretty much everything about the sender, and can access any unencrypted messages they sent using its other social products.

In his Twitter thread Stamos argues that “if we want that right to be extended to people around the world, that means that E2E encryption needs to be deployed inside of multi-billion user platforms”, which he says means: “We need to find a sustainable business model for professionally-run E2E encrypted communication platforms.”

On the sustainable business model front he argues that two models “currently fit the bill” — either Apple’s iMessage or Facebook-owned WhatsApp. Though he doesn’t go into any detail on why he believes only those two are sustainable.

He does say he’s discounting the Acton-backed alternative, Signal, which now operates via a not-for-profit (the Signal Foundation) — suggesting that rival messaging app is “unlikely to hit 1B users”.

In passing he also throws it out there that Signal is “subsidized, indirectly, by FB ads” — i.e. because Facebook pays a licensing fee for use of the underlying Signal Protocol used to power WhatsApp’s e2e encryption. (So his slightly shade-throwing subtext is that privacy purists are still benefiting from a Facebook sugardaddy.)

Then he gets to the meat of his argument in defence of Facebook-owned (and monetized) WhatsApp — pointing out that Apple’s sustainable business model does not reach every mobile user, given its hardware is priced at a premium. Whereas WhatsApp running on a cheap Android handset ($50 or, perhaps even $30 in future) can.

Other encrypted messaging apps can also of course run on Android but presumably Stamos would argue they’re not professionally run.

“I think it is easy to underestimate how radical WhatsApp’s decision to deploy E2E was,” he writes. “Acton and Koum, with Zuck’s blessing, jumped off a bridge with the goal of building a monetization parachute on the way down. FB has a lot of money, so it was a very tall bridge, but it is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue.

“This could come from directly charging for the service, it could come from advertising, it could come from a WeChat-like services play. The first is very hard across countries, the latter two are complicated by E2E.”

“I can’t speak to the various options that have been floated around, or the arguments between WA and FB, but those of us who care about privacy shouldn’t see WhatsApp monetization as something evil,” he adds. “In fact, we should want WA to demonstrate that E2E and revenue are compatible. That’s the only way E2E will become a sustainable feature of massive, non-niche technology platforms.”

Stamos is certainly right that Apple’s iMessage cannot reach every mobile user, given the premium cost of Apple hardware.

Though he elides the important role that second hand Apple devices play in helping to reduce the barrier to entry to Apple’s pro-privacy technology — a role Apple is actively encouraging via support for older devices (and by its own services business expansion which extends its model so that support for older versions of iOS (and thus secondhand iPhones) is also commercially sustainable).

Robust encryption only being possible via multi-billion user platforms essentially boils down to a usability argument by Stamos — which is to suggest that mainstream app users will simply not seek encryption out unless it’s plated up for them in a way they don’t even notice it’s there.

The follow on conclusion is then that only a well-resourced giant like Facebook has the resources to maintain and serve this different tech up to the masses.

There’s certainly substance in that point. But the wider question is whether or not the privacy trade offs that Facebook’s monetization methods of WhatsApp entail, by linking Facebook and WhatsApp accounts and also, therefore, looping in various less than transparent data-harvest methods it uses to gather intelligence on web users generally, substantially erodes the value of the e2e encryption that is now being bundled with Facebook’s ad targeting people surveillance. And so used as a selling aid for otherwise privacy eroding practices.

Yes WhatsApp users’ messages will remain private, thanks to Facebook funding the necessary e2e encryption. But the price users are having to pay is very likely still their personal privacy.

And at that point the argument really becomes about how much profit a commercial entity should be able to extract off of a product that’s being marketed as securely encrypted and thus ‘pro-privacy’? How much revenue “scale” is reasonable or unreasonable in that scenario?

Other business models are possible, which was Acton’s point. But likely less profitable. And therein lies the rub where Facebook is concerned.

How much money should any company be required to leave on the table, as Acton did when he left Facebook without the rest of his unvested shares, in order to be able to monetize a technology that’s bound up so tightly with notions of privacy?

Acton wanted Facebook to agree to make as much money as it could without users having to pay it with their privacy. But Facebook’s management team said no. That’s why he’s calling them greedy.

Stamos doesn’t engage with that more nuanced point. He just writes: “It is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue” — thereby collapsing the revenue argument into an all or nothing binary without explaining why it has to be that way.

from Social – TechCrunch https://ift.tt/2R3iTls

[sheminecrafts]

Facebook’s ex-CSO, Alex Stamos, defends its decision to inject ads in WhatsApp

Alex Stamos, Facebook’s former chief security officer, who left the company this summer to take up a role in academia, has made a contribution to what’s sometimes couched as a debate about how to monetize (and thus sustain) commercial end-to-end encrypted messaging platforms in order that the privacy benefits they otherwise offer can be as widely spread as possible.

Stamos made the comments via Twitter, where he said he was indirectly responding to the fallout from a Forbes interview with WhatsApp co-founder Brian Acton — in which Acton hit at out at his former employer for being greedy in its approach to generating revenue off of the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

Both WhatsApp founders’ exits from Facebook has been blamed on disagreements over monetization. (Jan Koum left some months after Acton.)

In the interview, Acton said he suggested Facebook management apply a simple business model atop WhatsApp, such as metered messaging for all users after a set number of free messages. But that management pushed back — with Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg telling him they needed a monetization method that generates greater revenue “scale”.

And while Stamos has avoided making critical remarks about Acton (unlike some current Facebook staffers), he clearly wants to lend his weight to the notion that some kind of trade-off is necessary in order for end-to-end encryption to be commercially viable (and thus for the greater good (of messaging privacy) to prevail); and therefore his tacit support to Facebook and its approach to making money off of a robustly encrypted platform.

Stamos’ own departure from the fb mothership was hardly under such acrimonious terms as Acton, though he has had his own disagreements with the leadership team — as set out in a memo he sent earlier this year that was obtained by BuzzFeed. So his support for Facebook combining e2e and ads perhaps counts for something, though isn’t really surprising given the seat he occupied at the company for several years, and his always fierce defence of WhatsApp encryption.

(Another characteristic concern that also surfaces in Stamos’ Twitter thread is the need to keep the technology legal, in the face of government attempts to backdoor encryption, which he says will require “accepting the inevitable downsides of giving people unfettered communications”.)

I don't want to weigh into the personal side of the WhatsApp vs Facebook fight, as there are people I respect on both sides, but I do want to use this as an opportunity to talk about the future of end-to-end encryption. (1/13)

— Alex Stamos (@alexstamos) September 26, 2018

This summer Facebook confirmed that, from next year, ads will be injected into WhatsApp statuses (aka the app’s Stories clone). So it is indeed bringing ads to the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

For several years the company has also been moving towards positioning WhatsApp as a business messaging platform to connect companies with potential customers — and it says it plans to meter those messages, also from next year.

So there are two strands to its revenue generating playbook atop WhatsApp’s e2e encrypted messaging platform. Both with knock-on impacts on privacy, given Facebook targets ads and marketing content by profiling users by harvesting their personal data.

This means that while WhatsApp’s e2e encryption means Facebook literally cannot read WhatsApp users’ messages, it is ‘circumventing’ the technology (for ad-targeting purposes) by linking accounts across different services it owns — using people’s digital identities across its product portfolio (and beyond) as a sort of ‘trojan horse’ to negate the messaging privacy it affords them on WhatsApp.

Facebook is using different technical methods (including the very low-tech method of phone number matching) to link WhatsApp user and Facebook accounts. Once it’s been able to match a Facebook user to a WhatsApp account it can then connect what’s very likely to be a well fleshed out Facebook profile with a WhatsApp account that nonetheless contains messages it can’t read. So it’s both respecting and eroding user privacy.

This approach means Facebook can carry out its ad targeting activities across both messaging platforms (as it will from next year). And do so without having to literally read messages being sent by WhatsApp users.

As trade offs go, it’s a clearly a big one — and one that’s got Facebook into regulatory trouble in Europe.

It is also, at least in Stamos’ view, a trade off that’s worth it for the ‘greater good’ of message content remaining strongly encrypted and therefore unreadable. Even if Facebook now knows pretty much everything about the sender, and can access any unencrypted messages they sent using its other social products.

In his Twitter thread Stamos argues that “if we want that right to be extended to people around the world, that means that E2E encryption needs to be deployed inside of multi-billion user platforms”, which he says means: “We need to find a sustainable business model for professionally-run E2E encrypted communication platforms.”

On the sustainable business model front he argues that two models “currently fit the bill” — either Apple’s iMessage or Facebook-owned WhatsApp. Though he doesn’t go into any detail on why he believes only those two are sustainable.

He does say he’s discounting the Acton-backed alternative, Signal, which now operates via a not-for-profit (the Signal Foundation) — suggesting that rival messaging app is “unlikely to hit 1B users”.

In passing he also throws it out there that Signal is “subsidized, indirectly, by FB ads” — i.e. because Facebook pays a licensing fee for use of the underlying Signal Protocol used to power WhatsApp’s e2e encryption. (So his slightly shade-throwing subtext is that privacy purists are still benefiting from a Facebook sugardaddy.)

Then he gets to the meat of his argument in defence of Facebook-owned (and monetized) WhatsApp — pointing out that Apple’s sustainable business model does not reach every mobile user, given its hardware is priced at a premium. Whereas WhatsApp running on a cheap Android handset ($50 or, perhaps even $30 in future) can.

Other encrypted messaging apps can also of course run on Android but presumably Stamos would argue they’re not professionally run.

“I think it is easy to underestimate how radical WhatsApp’s decision to deploy E2E was,” he writes. “Acton and Koum, with Zuck’s blessing, jumped off a bridge with the goal of building a monetization parachute on the way down. FB has a lot of money, so it was a very tall bridge, but it is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue.

“This could come from directly charging for the service, it could come from advertising, it could come from a WeChat-like services play. The first is very hard across countries, the latter two are complicated by E2E.”

“I can’t speak to the various options that have been floated around, or the arguments between WA and FB, but those of us who care about privacy shouldn’t see WhatsApp monetization as something evil,” he adds. “In fact, we should want WA to demonstrate that E2E and revenue are compatible. That’s the only way E2E will become a sustainable feature of massive, non-niche technology platforms.”

Stamos is certainly right that Apple’s iMessage cannot reach every mobile user, given the premium cost of Apple hardware.

Though he elides the important role that second hand Apple devices play in helping to reduce the barrier to entry to Apple’s pro-privacy technology — a role Apple is actively encouraging via support for older devices (and by its own services business expansion which extends its model so that support for older versions of iOS (and thus secondhand iPhones) is also commercially sustainable).

Robust encryption only being possible via multi-billion user platforms essentially boils down to a usability argument by Stamos — which is to suggest that mainstream app users will simply not seek encryption out unless it’s plated up for them in a way they don’t even notice it’s there.

The follow on conclusion is then that only a well-resourced giant like Facebook has the resources to maintain and serve this different tech up to the masses.

There’s certainly substance in that point. But the wider question is whether or not the privacy trade offs that Facebook’s monetization methods of WhatsApp entail, by linking Facebook and WhatsApp accounts and also, therefore, looping in various less than transparent data-harvest methods it uses to gather intelligence on web users generally, substantially erodes the value of the e2e encryption that is now being bundled with Facebook’s ad targeting people surveillance. And so used as a selling aid for otherwise privacy eroding practices.

Yes WhatsApp users’ messages will remain private, thanks to Facebook funding the necessary e2e encryption. But the price users are having to pay is very likely still their personal privacy.

And at that point the argument really becomes about how much profit a commercial entity should be able to extract off of a product that’s being marketed as securely encrypted and thus ‘pro-privacy’? How much revenue “scale” is reasonable or unreasonable in that scenario?

Other business models are possible, which was Acton’s point. But likely less profitable. And therein lies the rub where Facebook is concerned.

How much money should any company be required to leave on the table, as Acton did when he left Facebook without the rest of his unvested shares, in order to be able to monetize a technology that’s bound up so tightly with notions of privacy?

Acton wanted Facebook to agree to make as much money as it could without users having to pay it with their privacy. But Facebook’s management team said no. That’s why he’s calling them greedy.

Stamos doesn’t engage with that more nuanced point. He just writes: “It is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue” — thereby collapsing the revenue argument into an all or nothing binary without explaining why it has to be that way.

from iraidajzsmmwtv https://ift.tt/2R3iTls via IFTTT

[technicalsolutions88]

Alex Stamos, Facebook’s former chief security officer, who left the company this summer to take up a role in academia, has made a contribution to what’s sometimes couched as a debate about how to monetize (and thus sustain) commercial end-to-end encrypted messaging platforms in order that the privacy benefits they otherwise offer can be as widely spread as possible.

Stamos made the comments via Twitter, where he said he was indirectly responding to the fallout from a Forbes interview with WhatsApp co-founder Brian Acton — in which Acton hit at out at his former employer for being greedy in its approach to generating revenue off of the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

Both WhatsApp founders’ exits from Facebook has been blamed on disagreements over monetization. (Jan Koum left some months after Acton.)

In the interview, Acton said he suggested Facebook management apply a simple business model atop WhatsApp, such as metered messaging for all users after a set number of free messages. But that management pushed back — with Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg telling him they needed a monetization method that generates greater revenue “scale”.

And while Stamos has avoided making critical remarks about Acton (unlike some current Facebook staffers), he clearly wants to lend his weight to the notion that some kind of trade-off is necessary in order for end-to-end encryption to be commercially viable (and thus for the greater good (of messaging privacy) to prevail); and therefore his tacit support to Facebook and its approach to making money off of a robustly encrypted platform.

Stamos’ own departure from the fb mothership was hardly under such acrimonious terms as Acton, though he has had his own disagreements with the leadership team — as set out in a memo he sent earlier this year that was obtained by BuzzFeed. So his support for Facebook combining e2e and ads perhaps counts for something, though isn’t really surprising given the seat he occupied at the company for several years, and his always fierce defence of WhatsApp encryption.

(Another characteristic concern that also surfaces in Stamos’ Twitter thread is the need to keep the technology legal, in the face of government attempts to backdoor encryption, which he says will require “accepting the inevitable downsides of giving people unfettered communications”.)

I don't want to weigh into the personal side of the WhatsApp vs Facebook fight, as there are people I respect on both sides, but I do want to use this as an opportunity to talk about the future of end-to-end encryption. (1/13)

— Alex Stamos (@alexstamos) September 26, 2018

This summer Facebook confirmed that, from next year, ads will be injected into WhatsApp statuses (aka the app’s Stories clone). So it is indeed bringing ads to the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

For several years the company has also been moving towards positioning WhatsApp as a business messaging platform to connect companies with potential customers — and it says it plans to meter those messages, also from next year.

So there are two strands to its revenue generating playbook atop WhatsApp’s e2e encrypted messaging platform. Both with knock-on impacts on privacy, given Facebook targets ads and marketing content by profiling users by harvesting their personal data.

This means that while WhatsApp’s e2e encryption means Facebook literally cannot read WhatsApp users’ messages, it is ‘circumventing’ the technology (for ad-targeting purposes) by linking accounts across different services it owns — using people’s digital identities across its product portfolio (and beyond) as a sort of ‘trojan horse’ to negate the messaging privacy it affords them on WhatsApp.

Facebook is using different technical methods (including the very low-tech method of phone number matching) to link WhatsApp user and Facebook accounts. Once it’s been able to match a Facebook user to a WhatsApp account it can then connect what’s very likely to be a well fleshed out Facebook profile with a WhatsApp account that nonetheless contains messages it can’t read. So it’s both respecting and eroding user privacy.

This approach means Facebook can carry out its ad targeting activities across both messaging platforms (as it will from next year). And do so without having to literally read messages being sent by WhatsApp users.

As trade offs go, it’s a clearly a big one — and one that’s got Facebook into regulatory trouble in Europe.

It is also, at least in Stamos’ view, a trade off that’s worth it for the ‘greater good’ of message content remaining strongly encrypted and therefore unreadable. Even if Facebook now knows pretty much everything about the sender, and can access any unencrypted messages they sent using its other social products.

In his Twitter thread Stamos argues that “if we want that right to be extended to people around the world, that means that E2E encryption needs to be deployed inside of multi-billion user platforms”, which he says means: “We need to find a sustainable business model for professionally-run E2E encrypted communication platforms.”

On the sustainable business model front he argues that two models “currently fit the bill” — either Apple’s iMessage or Facebook-owned WhatsApp. Though he doesn’t go into any detail on why he believes only those two are sustainable.

He does say he’s discounting the Acton-backed alternative, Signal, which now operates via a not-for-profit (the Signal Foundation) — suggesting that rival messaging app is “unlikely to hit 1B users”.

In passing he also throws it out there that Signal is “subsidized, indirectly, by FB ads” — i.e. because Facebook pays a licensing fee for use of the underlying Signal Protocol used to power WhatsApp’s e2e encryption. (So his slightly shade-throwing subtext is that privacy purists are still benefiting from a Facebook sugardaddy.)

Then he gets to the meat of his argument in defence of Facebook-owned (and monetized) WhatsApp — pointing out that Apple’s sustainable business model does not reach every mobile user, given its hardware is priced at a premium. Whereas WhatsApp running on a cheap Android handset ($50 or, perhaps even $30 in future) can.

Other encrypted messaging apps can also of course run on Android but presumably Stamos would argue they’re not professionally run.

“I think it is easy to underestimate how radical WhatsApp’s decision to deploy E2E was,” he writes. “Acton and Koum, with Zuck’s blessing, jumped off a bridge with the goal of building a monetization parachute on the way down. FB has a lot of money, so it was a very tall bridge, but it is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue.

“This could come from directly charging for the service, it could come from advertising, it could come from a WeChat-like services play. The first is very hard across countries, the latter two are complicated by E2E.”

“I can’t speak to the various options that have been floated around, or the arguments between WA and FB, but those of us who care about privacy shouldn’t see WhatsApp monetization as something evil,” he adds. “In fact, we should want WA to demonstrate that E2E and revenue are compatible. That’s the only way E2E will become a sustainable feature of massive, non-niche technology platforms.”

Stamos is certainly right that Apple’s iMessage cannot reach every mobile user, given the premium cost of Apple hardware.

Though he elides the important role that second hand Apple devices play in helping to reduce the barrier to entry to Apple’s pro-privacy technology — a role Apple is actively encouraging via support for older devices (and by its own services business expansion which extends its model so that support for older versions of iOS (and thus secondhand iPhones) is also commercially sustainable).

Robust encryption only being possible via multi-billion user platforms essentially boils down to a usability argument by Stamos — which is to suggest that mainstream app users will simply not seek encryption out unless it’s plated up for them in a way they don’t even notice it’s there.

The follow on conclusion is then that only a well-resourced giant like Facebook has the resources to maintain and serve this different tech up to the masses.

There’s certainly substance in that point. But the wider question is whether or not the privacy trade offs that Facebook’s monetization methods of WhatsApp entail, by linking Facebook and WhatsApp accounts and also, therefore, looping in various less than transparent data-harvest methods it uses to gather intelligence on web users generally, substantially erodes the value of the e2e encryption that is now being bundled with Facebook’s ad targeting people surveillance. And so used as a selling aid for otherwise privacy eroding practices.

Yes WhatsApp users’ messages will remain private, thanks to Facebook funding the necessary e2e encryption. But the price users are having to pay is very likely still their personal privacy.

And at that point the argument really becomes about how much profit a commercial entity should be able to extract off of a product that’s being marketed as securely encrypted and thus ‘pro-privacy’? How much revenue “scale” is reasonable or unreasonable in that scenario?

Other business models are possible, which was Acton’s point. But likely less profitable. And therein lies the rub where Facebook is concerned.

How much money should any company be required to leave on the table, as Acton did when he left Facebook without the rest of his unvested shares, in order to be able to monetize a technology that’s bound up so tightly with notions of privacy?

Acton wanted Facebook to agree to make as much money as it could without users having to pay it with their privacy. But Facebook’s management team said no. That’s why he’s calling them greedy.

Stamos doesn’t engage with that more nuanced point. He just writes: “It is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue” — thereby collapsing the revenue argument into an all or nothing binary without explaining why it has to be that way.

from Social – TechCrunch https://ift.tt/2R3iTls Original Content From: https://techcrunch.com

[fmservers]

Facebook’s ex-CSO, Alex Stamos, defends its decision to inject ads in WhatsApp

Alex Stamos, Facebook’s former chief security officer, who left the company this summer to take up a role in academia, has made a contribution to what’s sometimes couched as a debate about how to monetize (and thus sustain) commercial end-to-end encrypted messaging platforms in order that the privacy benefits they otherwise offer can be as widely spread as possible.

Stamos made the comments via Twitter, where he said he was indirectly responding to the fallout from a Forbes interview with WhatsApp co-founder Brian Acton — in which Acton hit at out at his former employer for being greedy in its approach to generating revenue off of the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

Both WhatsApp founders’ exits from Facebook has been blamed on disagreements over monetization. (Jan Koum left some months after Acton.)

In the interview, Acton said he suggested Facebook management apply a simple business model atop WhatsApp, such as metered messaging for all users after a set number of free messages. But that management pushed back — with Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg telling him they needed a monetization method that generates greater revenue “scale”.

And while Stamos has avoided making critical remarks about Acton (unlike some current Facebook staffers), he clearly wants to lend his weight to the notion that some kind of trade-off is necessary in order for end-to-end encryption to be commercially viable (and thus for the greater good (of messaging privacy) to prevail); and therefore his tacit support to Facebook and its approach to making money off of a robustly encrypted platform.

Stamos’ own departure from the fb mothership was hardly under such acrimonious terms as Acton, though he has had his own disagreements with the leadership team — as set out in a memo he sent earlier this year that was obtained by BuzzFeed. So his support for Facebook combining e2e and ads perhaps counts for something, though isn’t really surprising given the seat he occupied at the company for several years, and his always fierce defence of WhatsApp encryption.

(Another characteristic concern that also surfaces in Stamos’ Twitter thread is the need to keep the technology legal, in the face of government attempts to backdoor encryption, which he says will require “accepting the inevitable downsides of giving people unfettered communications”.)

I don't want to weigh into the personal side of the WhatsApp vs Facebook fight, as there are people I respect on both sides, but I do want to use this as an opportunity to talk about the future of end-to-end encryption. (1/13)

— Alex Stamos (@alexstamos) September 26, 2018

This summer Facebook confirmed that, from next year, ads will be injected into WhatsApp statuses (aka the app’s Stories clone). So it is indeed bringing ads to the famously anti-ads messaging platform.

For several years the company has also been moving towards positioning WhatsApp as a business messaging platform to connect companies with potential customers — and it says it plans to meter those messages, also from next year.

So there are two strands to its revenue generating playbook atop WhatsApp’s e2e encrypted messaging platform. Both with knock-on impacts on privacy, given Facebook targets ads and marketing content by profiling users by harvesting their personal data.

This means that while WhatsApp’s e2e encryption means Facebook literally cannot read WhatsApp users’ messages, it is ‘circumventing’ the technology (for ad-targeting purposes) by linking accounts across different services it owns — using people’s digital identities across its product portfolio (and beyond) as a sort of ‘trojan horse’ to negate the messaging privacy it affords them on WhatsApp.

Facebook is using different technical methods (including the very low-tech method of phone number matching) to link WhatsApp user and Facebook accounts. Once it’s been able to match a Facebook user to a WhatsApp account it can then connect what’s very likely to be a well fleshed out Facebook profile with a WhatsApp account that nonetheless contains messages it can’t read. So it’s both respecting and eroding user privacy.

This approach means Facebook can carry out its ad targeting activities across both messaging platforms (as it will from next year). And do so without having to literally read messages being sent by WhatsApp users.

As trade offs go, it’s a clearly a big one — and one that’s got Facebook into regulatory trouble in Europe.

It is also, at least in Stamos’ view, a trade off that’s worth it for the ‘greater good’ of message content remaining strongly encrypted and therefore unreadable. Even if Facebook now knows pretty much everything about the sender, and can access any unencrypted messages they sent using its other social products.

In his Twitter thread Stamos argues that “if we want that right to be extended to people around the world, that means that E2E encryption needs to be deployed inside of multi-billion user platforms”, which he says means: “We need to find a sustainable business model for professionally-run E2E encrypted communication platforms.”

On the sustainable business model front he argues that two models “currently fit the bill” — either Apple’s iMessage or Facebook-owned WhatsApp. Though he doesn’t go into any detail on why he believes only those two are sustainable.

He does say he’s discounting the Acton-backed alternative, Signal, which now operates via a not-for-profit (the Signal Foundation) — suggesting that rival messaging app is “unlikely to hit 1B users”.

In passing he also throws it out there that Signal is “subsidized, indirectly, by FB ads” — i.e. because Facebook pays a licensing fee for use of the underlying Signal Protocol used to power WhatsApp’s e2e encryption. (So his slightly shade-throwing subtext is that privacy purists are still benefiting from a Facebook sugardaddy.)

Then he gets to the meat of his argument in defence of Facebook-owned (and monetized) WhatsApp — pointing out that Apple’s sustainable business model does not reach every mobile user, given its hardware is priced at a premium. Whereas WhatsApp running on a cheap Android handset ($50 or, perhaps even $30 in future) can.

Other encrypted messaging apps can also of course run on Android but presumably Stamos would argue they’re not professionally run.

“I think it is easy to underestimate how radical WhatsApp’s decision to deploy E2E was,” he writes. “Acton and Koum, with Zuck’s blessing, jumped off a bridge with the goal of building a monetization parachute on the way down. FB has a lot of money, so it was a very tall bridge, but it is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue.

“This could come from directly charging for the service, it could come from advertising, it could come from a WeChat-like services play. The first is very hard across countries, the latter two are complicated by E2E.”

“I can’t speak to the various options that have been floated around, or the arguments between WA and FB, but those of us who care about privacy shouldn’t see WhatsApp monetization as something evil,” he adds. “In fact, we should want WA to demonstrate that E2E and revenue are compatible. That’s the only way E2E will become a sustainable feature of massive, non-niche technology platforms.”

Stamos is certainly right that Apple’s iMessage cannot reach every mobile user, given the premium cost of Apple hardware.

Though he elides the important role that second hand Apple devices play in helping to reduce the barrier to entry to Apple’s pro-privacy technology — a role Apple is actively encouraging via support for older devices (and by its own services business expansion which extends its model so that support for older versions of iOS (and thus secondhand iPhones) is also commercially sustainable).

Robust encryption only being possible via multi-billion user platforms essentially boils down to a usability argument by Stamos — which is to suggest that mainstream app users will simply not seek encryption out unless it’s plated up for them in a way they don’t even notice it’s there.

The follow on conclusion is then that only a well-resourced giant like Facebook has the resources to maintain and serve this different tech up to the masses.

There’s certainly substance in that point. But the wider question is whether or not the privacy trade offs that Facebook’s monetization methods of WhatsApp entail, by linking Facebook and WhatsApp accounts and also, therefore, looping in various less than transparent data-harvest methods it uses to gather intelligence on web users generally, substantially erode the value of the e2e encryption that is now being packaged alongside Facebook’s ad targeting people surveillance.

And, well, used as a selling aid for its otherwise privacy eroding practices.

Yes WhatsApp users’ messages will remain private, thanks to Facebook funding the necessary e2e encryption. But the price users are having to pay is very likely still their personal privacy.

And at that point the argument really becomes about how much profit a commercial entity should be able to extract off of a product that’s being marketed as securely encrypted and thus ‘pro-privacy’? How much revenue “scale” is reasonable or unreasonable in that scenario?

Other business models are possible, which was Acton’s point. But likely less profitable. And therein lies the rub where Facebook is concerned.

How much money should any company be required to leave on the table, as Acton did when he left Facebook without the rest of his unvested shares, in order to be able to monetize a technology that’s bound up so tightly with notions of privacy?

Acton wanted Facebook to agree to make as much money as it could without users having to pay it with their privacy. But Facebook’s management team said no. That’s why he’s calling them greedy.

Stamos doesn’t engage with that more nuanced point. He just writes: “It is foolish to expect that FB shareholders are going to subsidize a free text/voice/video global communications network forever. Eventually, WhatsApp is going to need to generate revenue” — thereby collapsing the revenue argument into an all or nothing binary without explaining why it has to be that way.

Via Natasha Lomas https://techcrunch.com

[theathenianinspector]

Sometimes the achievements in philosophy in the ancient world are worthy of applause, the methods and thoughts of Socrates and Plato come to mind. But other times, classical philosophy has been used to oppress minorities and justify political inequality. Aristotle’s work has been immortalized…for all the wrong reasons. His thoughts were used to defend slavery and created the doctrine that women deserved fewer political rights, despite them being equally as competent citizens as men.

  Even before Aristotle, women and men had segregated social roles. Homer’s Iliad describes women as weaving at their looms and warming the beds of their husbands/masters. While fifth century Athens had women covering up and being confined indoors; sound applicable to a particular country today? Ancient Greece society was not known for women’s empowerment and Aristotle’s ideas were hardly novel at the time. He probably only intellectually formalized the misogyny of the period.

Athenian woman washing clothes.

His logic was simple:

  Men and women are physically different in nature.

One is stronger, the other weaker respectively.

This difference is translated into segregated gender roles.

Men are warriors and citizens. Women are housewives and mothers.

Men are citizens and therefore have a role in defending the state. Therefore, they deserve political participation.

Women’s roles are confined to the house and they do not risk their lives for the state. They do not deserve political participation.

Everything natural is right.

Thus, women being prevented from political participation is right because their gender differences justify it.

  This line of thought is flawed in many ways. Firstly, Aristotle derived his notion that women exclusively belong in the house from a false premise:

  ‘With all other animals the female is softer in disposition than the male, is more mischievous, less simple, more impulsive, and more attentive to the nurture of the young…The fact is, the nature of man is the most rounded off and complete, and consequently in man the qualities or capacities above referred to are found in their perfection. Hence woman is more compassionate than man, more easily moved to tears, at the same time is more jealous, more querulous, more apt to scold and to strike. She is, furthermore, more prone to despondency and less hopeful than the man, more void of shame or self-respect, falser of speech, more deceptive, and of more retentive memory.’  Aristotle, History of Animals 9.1.

  So, women are just naturally softer and more compassionate than men, because nature decreed it be so? I don’t think Aristotle knew about the fact that hyena packs are led by females, or that female lions have been observed to grow manes to trick threatening males or the fact that elephant herds are led by a matriarch. While I don’t blame him for not knowing about the social structures of hyena communities, he probably should have done a smidge more work before trying to prove female docility and subordination through wildlife. He’s also wrong to think this applied to humans, there is evidence of women being just as courageous as men in the ancient world: think of Artemisia of Caria, Tomyris or Telesilla. Each of them was credited to have performed valiantly in their respective battles. Aristotle did observe that ‘barbarian’ cultures did allow women into military and political leadership roles, but he claimed this was damaging to their societies and failed to mention that Greek women not fighting wars may have had something to do with them not being allowed to.

  Notice as well that women of course are more cunning and prone to treachery, because men are never like that are they? They would never deliberately trick cities to open their gates to slaughter or build a deceptive Trojan Horse to totally eradicate a city from the map. Aristotle’s gender roles not only victimize women, but they cause problems for male behavioral expectations: men’s souls are more complete, but they have less compassion. I’d say compassion is a pretty important value that shouldn’t be excluded. Compassion in war is called mercy. Even warriors shouldn’t be exempt from basic human decency and kindness. By excluding this quality from the male sphere, Aristotle is just giving male aristocrats an allowance for being arseholes. These social expectations are damaging to men, even to this day.

  Furthermore, men’s souls being perfect and complete, but women’s having incomplete ones is a common theme in his philosophy to rationalise women’s non-participation:

  ‘And all possess the various parts of the soul but possess them in separate ways; for the slave has not got the deliberative part at all, and the female has it, but without full authority, while the child has it, but in an undeveloped form.’  Aristotle, Politics 1.1260a.

  ‘Hence it is manifest that all the persons mentioned have a moral virtue of their own, and that the temperance of a woman and that of a man are not the same, nor their courage and justice, as Socrates thought, but the one is the courage of command, and the other that of subordination, and the case is similar with the other virtues.’  Aristotle Politics 1.1260a.

  ‘those who enumerate the virtues of different persons separately, as Gorgias does, are much more correct than those who define virtue in that way. Hence, we must hold that all of these persons have their appropriate virtues, as the poet said of woman: “Silence gives grace to woman”, though that is not the case likewise with a man.’  Aristotle Politics 1.1260a.

  He believed that the female soul is incomplete because it lacks the command aspect that men possess. Therefore, women must be relegated to command’s logical opposite: subordination. As we have already established, women can be in positions of leadership in the ancient world, this is even more evident in the modern world where we have female MPs and cabinet members. The metaphysical theorizing about the human soul is already incredibly abstract, too abstract to justify the deprivation of democratic rights. I’m certainly not proposing that men and women are exactly the same – but difference does not merit inequality. Especially when those premises of difference are themselves already empirically false or impossible to prove.  Women can be leaders and warriors. Women can be braver and nobler than men. The idea that women can only have roles in the household and therefore they deserve no political representation apart from their husbands is leap of logic. Surely, women are still bound by the same laws as the state which prohibited their participation?

Aristotle, the intellectual father of misogyny.

But Aristotle’s logic was handed down and then a couple centuries worth of gender roles were cemented by his reasoning. Travel forward in time to the 19th Century when women were campaigning for suffrage and you’ll see these same arguments based on misguided premises being repeated:

  ‘The natural distinction of sex, which admittedly differentiates the functions of men and women in many departments of human activity, ought to continue to be recognised in the sphere of Parliamentary representation…The question: ‘Why should you deny to a woman of genius the vote, which you would give to her gardener’. You are dealing, not with individuals, but with the masses, in my judgement the gain which might result through the admission of gifted and well-qualified women would be more than neutralised by the injurious consequences which would follow to the status and influence of women as a whole.’  Henry Herbert Asquith, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, 1912.

  This statement was issued in the House of Commons just over a century ago by the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom and British Empire, arguably the most influential and powerful man in the world. Misogyny wasn’t simply the belief of the uneducated masses who didn’t know any better. Asquith was a well-educated aristocrat and politician…who also coincidentally studied Classics at Balliol College, Oxford. It would not be unreasonable to say that he may have read his fair share of Aristotle. It was a genuine question that an educated woman lacked a political voice in comparison to uneducated men. And his answer is insufficient. An influx of women voting would not have destroyed the United Kingdom, because even working-class women would have had a similar standard of education as their male counterparts, who were actually politically represented. Just because they have different anatomical features, did not mean they lacked the same decision-making abilities as men. Asquith’s argument essentially can be boiled down to: Working-class women don’t deserve the vote because they are dumb, although working-class men are dumb as well, they get to vote. Also, surely it would have been more democratic to have allowed women the vote? After all, they were subject to the same laws voted through Parliament as everybody else yet had no say over their MPs. But Asquith was not the only voice against women’s suffrage:

  “We believe that men and women are different – not similar – beings, with talents that are complementary, not identical, and that they therefore ought to have different shares in the management of the State, that they severally compose. We do not depreciate by one jot or tittle women’s work and mission. We are concerned to find proper channels of expression for that work. We seek a fruitful diversity of political function, not a stultifying uniformity.”  Violet Markham, Social Reformer.

  ‘(a) Because the spheres of men and women, owing to natural causes, are essentially different, and therefore their share in the public management of the State should be different.’  Women’s National Anti-Suffrage League Manifesto.

  Aristotle’s philosophy of depriving women of political representation was internalized by educated women as well to rationalize their own societal inequality. Whilst ‘political function’ should indeed not be uniform for every single individual; suffrage is a political right. Rights are by definition unvarying and applicable to all citizens, one of the reasons they’re rights. And all this stemmed from Aristotle writing in the fourth century BCE. All this from a false premise on female docility which ancient Greek society and gender roles either didn’t allow to be empirically disproved or exoticized it when it was. It took a world war before  politicians in Parliament were persuaded that all women could perform the same traditional jobs as men in 1928.

  Anti-Suffrage Propaganda, 20th Century.

Come to think of it, women as a collective have been able to vote for less than a century in the United Kingdom. Thus, whenever you hear people complaining that women are getting preferential treatment or they’re becoming ‘over-represented’ in politics and popular media because of a ‘feminazi agenda’. Just remember that until 1918 you couldn’t see a woman at a voting booth or at the dispatch box in the House of Commons. That wasn’t ‘ancient history’. The reason why they might be appearing too publicly prominent is because until now they’ve been invisible. Aristotle’s writings screwed over the lives of countless women from the 4th century BCE up till the 19th AD. But women and fair sense won out in the end, I suppose Aristotle has been defeated; this is progress, but not a total victory comforting though it is. Although there is much more still to be done, in our own countries and around the world, we’ve come a long way in a short time.

  “And at Westminster, where suffragettes chained themselves to statues and hid in a broom cupboard on census night, the leaders of the House of Commons and the House of Lords are women. Black Rod, whose predecessor ejected suffragettes from the palace precincts, is a woman. A century ago the home secretary and director of public prosecutions were grappling with the direct action of suffragettes. Today, both those offices are held by women.”  Theresa May, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, 2018.

  Dan Tang

The Athenian Inspector

  If you want to learn about the Romans, check out: https://romanimperium.wordpress.com/

The Aristotelian Roots of Anti-Suffrage Sometimes the achievements in philosophy in the ancient world are worthy of applause, the methods and thoughts of Socrates and Plato come to mind.