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#i know i shouldnt. but god i really really want to
destinysbounty · 7 months
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Three important facts that I promise are connected:
Although it seems that the ninja take turns cooking, Zane's food is apparently so good that they all eagerly await his turn. And his pies are apparently so good that just the smell of them brought a tear to Jay's eyes.
When someone passes away, grief makes menial tasks like cooking and cleaning very difficult. It's for this reason that a lot of bereavement support advice recommends giving gifts of pre-made food or service to those who are grieving. I can imagine the grief would be doubly worsened if you are grieving someone who typically did a lot of the cooking, or someone with whom you strongly associate such tasks.
In s4ep1 "The Invitation", Lloyd invites each of the ninja to dinner with him at Chen's Noodlehouse. However, he phrases it as "if you change your mind, you know where I'll be". Despite his vague wording, all of them unanimously know exactly where to go and when to be there. Furthermore, Cole even says "you're late" to Kai despite the fact that a meetup time was never discussed.
Anyway, my theory is that due to the grief of losing Zane making it difficult to cook, the ninja became regulars at Chen's Noodlehouse. They would go to the same location at roughly the same time almost every night, and that's how the ninja knew exactly where/when to meet up. Which means the place that helped them keep their heads above water post-s3, the place where they spent many nights grieving Zane's loss, is also the same place Lloyd chose to suggest adding a new teammate. And also the same place they found out Zane was alive.
This restaurant has become so strongly tied to their grief over Zane's loss, simply through the way it was there for his friends when he was not. Feeding them the food he himself was no longer present to cook for them. The statue in the garden represents the legacy of his heroism while the noodlehouse represents the legacy of the grief created by his absence, and in this essay I will -
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todayisafridaynight · 18 days
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Dunno why the rgg fandom has been so dead lately hoping that the announcement brings people back cause it really doesn’t feel like how it did before ☹️
it hasnt even been two weeks since i got an ask like this i need yall to wait a minute
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waywardsalt · 2 months
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deciding (and realizing based on the way i write and think abt it) that no matter what bellum is not making it out of swabbie rank. he’s put at the lowest rank of whatever hierarchy linebeck decides to adhere to no matter what, no matter the au. bellum can be practically a stowaway or romantically involved with the captain but he is swabbie while link made it to first mate in a handful of months and while being like twelve. bellum gets the mop. to humble him.
#only fair that the minor demonic god is swabbie. cant give him too much. tags are a mess on this one btw#anyways secret criteria for being first mate is autism. you gotta be autistic to have actual authority on that ship#…..link would have some flavor of authority in post ph then. i need to thinm on that#salty talks#fuck uhhhh#post-ph#bellum#forgot what i was talkjg abt with this tbh. like what the context was#i know i was thinking abt how linebeck always refers to human bellum as a swabbie or some other low rank in the shipfic#GOD im sl fucking bad a mobilee typing normally i fix typos n shit and im sojng some ln the fly but twice now ive typo’d and instead#writtien ‘fuck’ instead if some other word. also im tired ig but god i hate typing on mobile so fuckint much#<- longest ive gone without bothering much to fix typos. hate it here (on my phone) anyways. i cant remembee the wider context to this#idk what rank damien would technically be. he helps with repairs and technically everyone does swabbie stuff#tbh with how linebecks ship is being swabbie probably isnt too bad aith how ive figured hes extremely loose with it n does everything#i thinm i wanted to say smth ph related and came up with this#the mobile typos frustrate me so bad rn its exacerbated by. something. but i kinda fucking hate it its not really funny or anything#also the mess of accidentally hitting the nimbers button and switching the keyboard. god. lol#anyways. squid on swabbie duty for forever sucks to suck man shouldnt have killed all those people. whatever
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angelstrawbabie420 · 25 days
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crazy how i have no one
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#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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skaluli · 1 year
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"this wulf fellow has choice language"
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piplupod · 2 months
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#i just wish someone would look at me and Know that im not doing well fjfkdl#struggling so hard to stop myself from taking self destructive action against myself bc boy howdy i just want to fuck myself up#and then maybe someone would look at me and go ''hey u dont look like ur doing so well - do u need anything?''#but thats never worked in the past and theres that whole thing of ''if u want help u need to ask for it''#unfortunately. asking doesnt seem to work very often. i seem to have to Show people somehow that im not okay. like prove it to them#both medical ppl and my family fjfkdl#so here i am again trying to stop myself from [redacted] bc I shouldnt have to prove to anyone that im not okay#honest to god idk who to even talk to about anything. like the workers at the centre are not counselors/therapists#and i dont have another counseling appt for three ish weeks so uhhh#but im kind of like... i need smth idk. i feel like im on the verge of some kind of really bad breakdown#i cannot keep going on the way i currently am - that much is clear.#but idk what can change really. other than getting the girl to give me space fjfkdl#but the bugs and the abuse and the exhaustion and the food will all continue to exist just the same#nothing can be done about any of that! RIP!#i think honestly i just want a good long hug fjdkdl im just so scared and tired fjfkdl and tired of being scared tbqh#oh well !!! i cannot want for what i cannot have! wants don't exist unless i can fulfill it myself easily! otherwise theyre not allowed!!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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actual-corpse · 5 months
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Okay... So I am Genderqueer.
Sometimes, I am female
Oftentimes, I'm male
Most times, I'm N/A
Occasionally, I'm both or all of the above
I was feeling kinda female today right?
Well, when I'm female, I usually feel disgusting, and it's songs like this one that really hammer it home. I'm not comfortable being female because I always feel pressured to perform a certain way. I always feel ogled, and it just makes me feel gross, and I hate it.
There's a post I saw about menstruation and the stains and stigma that come along with it.
I love dresses and skirts and the color pink, but I don't feel girl enough or pretty enough or skinny enough to perform as Girl... I don't like being so far removed from my AGAB, I don't hate being female.
I hate how it feels to be female.
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flamboyant-king · 1 year
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Ya know what inktober or cringetober, what have you, I'll be drawing all these Isaac au shitpost nonsense baby. I FEEL ALIVE. WITNESS MY CRINGE OR LOOK AWAY IN DISGUST. IM LIVING! WRAAGGHHH
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sick-as-a-dog · 5 months
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pyrriax · 6 months
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hi everyone remind me to never look at deviantart again
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mothocean · 1 year
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i am, really just fucking hoping theres gonna be more safety regulations around this kind of stuff now. and that the greek coast guard gets fucking sued. also that the submersible company gets sued. and nothing like any of these things happens ever again
#ik thats not gonna be the case but god this whole situation has not been good for my irrational-ish fear#of being told something is safe and then it turns out it really really isnt but its too late and horrible death happens#i feel no sympathy for the billionaires obvs but. can we acknowledge how fucking lucky it is that the horrble submersible#only ended up killing 5 ppl. thats still 5 ppl but it couldve been way more#like idc if a billionaire wants to die horribly they should not be allowed to drag other people down w them#they should not be allowed to have their METAL TUBE DEATH TRAP talked about POSITIVELY on a fucking SCIENCE WEBSITE THAT SHOULD KNOW BETTER#AND THEY DEFINITELY SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO USE IT TO TURN A GRAVESITE INTO THE WORLDS LEAST SAFE TOURIST TRAP#EVEN IF ONLY STUPID RICH PPL WILL GET ON IT#like you realize this is just the most extreme example of the kind of lack of regulation these guys get away with. like im glad the guy tha#made the thing met his horrible end with it but too many ppl don't get graced with this kind of dramatic irony#and besides maybe it should not be fucking legal to construct literal death machines even for dramatic irony#idk im tired of focusing on whether the guys had it coming for them or not its endless hell discourse#lets fucking talk abt how this whole thing should not have fucking happened in the first place#and i hope nothing like it ever happens again#if the billionaires want a horrible death i will give it to them myself and then outlaw their entire fucking existence (as billionaires)#im sorry im just fucking tired#roseflower.txt
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munamania · 6 months
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and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever
#not to be a sensitive little bitch except im not.#i dont want to be rude or too explicitly open about the things i dont really like to talk about#but sometimes. frankly. people need to take on the weight of their own feelings. insecurities. thoughts. etc and then some#some of us grew up with little to no emotional support and in fact took on the weight of their family's issues and the brunt of their#emotional immaturity and sometimes that makes someone feel fundamentally rattled and unsafe in moments like that#some of us had pretty much every big personal emotional. thing. that happened to them minimized and turned into some tragic#family conversation. or had someone reply like huh idk if that could have happened to you i certainly dont remember that#and then you wonder if people were ever looking out for you and if the ones that did just truly didnt care.#um. anyway. this is not just to be like oh im so quirky and different and traumatized lol but im reaching a boiling point when it comes#to people just like. doing this shit. or whatever. im going to start screaming#i shouldnt have to bare my fucking soul to you for you to go oh huh maybe this is a sensitive subject perhaps#frankly we arent the same and we dont relate and aw bummerooni ik im not the only sufferer but good god.#our lives were very different in some ways!#and sometimes all i want is for someone to say its ok kid you did good#again. not to be dramatic. but when ive talked about MY upheaval of feelings or w/e like if thats been impacting#how ive been acting and people start crying at me or get all whatever. oh it makes me wanna be the one to pass the torch#yeah man imagine how tired we are.#ok talking incoherently now so im gonna go do my job i guess.#abby talks#i know no one will save me but maybe sometimes it’d be nice to share the weight regardless
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kalashtars · 8 months
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current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit
#damien.txt#sorry its like 5 am and i havent slept and wanna vent so. here inam#i really do be having a wild time bc ill have like. weeks at a time where ill be like. wait a second. what if im not trans actually#okay well. never in a 'im 100% not trans' way but in a 'maybe i shouldnt transition' way#and then ill have a day where i wake up and go. oh. i think that feeling is just coming from fear about. the current state of trans issues#because oh my FUCKING GOD am i scared like 24/7 bc of that shit#and so like. then im like. maybe i really am like. actually transmasc. fr. bc i like. literally have been feeling it my whole life.#and then i wake up a couple weeks later back at the beginning like hmm....... but..... what if....#and im so tired of not knowing!! it's fucking exhausting questioning what the fuck is happening w me every 2 seconds#and im being dramatic abt it but idk. i think its a symptom of neurodivergence or something bc im like. so so scared abt being trans atm#at a level that is. certainly unhealthy.#and it really feels like something that is inhibiting me from doing things in life which is like. upsetting y'know!#but at the same time. the concept of going thru life as my birth gender is... bad. sort of inconceivable at this point.#and this is particularly hard bc like. really going back and forth on making decisions abt taking T. bc when i get in these spirals#abt maybe not being trans. i get the urge to not take it. but like. i cant fluctuate w a medicine like that that much!#but at the same time when i go back to being like oh yeah transmasc... my brain is like cool. take T again. so. fuck me i guess.#idk man. im just like. i just want to live my life without being perceived by others actually#my true gender is no one's business <3 thanks#i am. tired.
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kellerybird · 10 months
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Watching this documentary of "killers in the victorian home" and they've gotten to a bit about corsets and I'm going to scream there's so much fear mongering in this segment
"Women would spend hours in the morning putting on a corset" bitch what??????????
I can have mine on in like... idk two minutes?
Even my new solid busk I could probably have on in less than ten minutes (possibly less once I get used to putting it on bc I have to completely unlace it to put it on)
Yeah yeah corsets move your organs around a bit but so does being pregnant?? And no one seems interested in arguing that point
Yes some people did tight-lace but that wasn't as common as they seem to want to make people think?
Do you actually think the fashion plates are how people actually looked???? I highly doubt anyone's waist was the size of their neck even with a corset on
And then they mention photos showing extreme waist sizes as if that hasn't been debunked as photoshop? Granted this doc is probably several years old and doesn't seem to be intent on accurately explaining how corsets work but even so
Just completely gloss over how corsets were the primary supportive garment of the time, let's just totally ignore that women had been wearing similar garments (stays) for centuries before and corsets just look more extreme in general because they're shaped differently (stays are more like tubes, corsets are more shaped to the body), blatantly ignore that modern bras can be just as damaging if not potentially moreso because all the support and pressure is centered on the shoulders which could potentially lead to more back problems
Yes wearing corsets incorrectly or for long periods of time can hurt you but obviously they weren't as dangerous as they're being made out to be or none of us would be here? If they were so deadly how did the population survive into the 20th century?
Anyway thus segment made me incandescently angry thanks for coming to my Ted talk I'll be here until the site shuts down
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mainfaggot · 8 months
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oh also shes straight
#and the part of me thats empty hopeless and constantly passively suicidal scores a goal!#a win for the agony within!#a loss for whimsy hope and serenity and the part of the me that is trying to heal and move forward without the weight of it all defining me.#it's like. im not surprised. why did i have expectations#why did i hope. i shouldnt hope. im so stupid. i shouldnt hope i should know better than that. im scarily lacking substance. im a shell#im a puppet. i cant form lasting relationships im an actor im a liar it would've never worked anyway#-> me going insane in real time#-> i sound so dramatic like go watch txt to do and chill out maybe ⁉️#idk lol 😐#im not giving up bc she said we should hang out again and friendship is always an option and she already#knows too much about me at this point so it's too late to back out#here is to befriending her for the sake of allowing myself to exist imperfectly and for the sake of hanging out with someone every week for#funsies and nothing else. we dont need to have some grand connection. she doesn't need to have a crush on me. we can just be#on campus buddies#we can meet during the summer at some points too maybe#idk. idk i want to disappear i think bc i really feel like i embarrassed myself by being so open about my insecurities#i should've put on the mask i usually wear#but i didnt#and everything thats pathetic about me was on full display#i don't know. god. i dont know#what matters is i made her smile a few times. my unnecessary commentary got a laugh out of her a few times too#the world is still spinning#the air was refreshingly chilly on my way home today#i got rained on and came to class looking beautiful despite my carefully slicked back hair falling into my eyes#my spanish professor agreed with my thoughts on the text we were analysing#z.post
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if i think bout ichi going to jiro kasuga's grave and arakawa accompanying him Maybe At Least Once i just might explode
#snap chats#hi everyone. coping with my reality. plus it is fathers day tomorrow#ill save all THAT rambling after The Real Meat alright lemme get that juice out the way#anyway no i was just having an idle thought with fathers day coming up#an i just thought of like. Just-Got-Here ichi wantin to see his Relatively-Recently-Deceased's dad's grave#maybe arakawa wanted to ask ichi to do somethin on X day and ichi visibly is just 😬#obvi he tries to brush it off like Oh Its Nothing Sir Haha :) but arakawa's A Dad.#and grew up with a troubled childhood alright he knows when someones hiding something so he encourages ichi to tell him the truth#such comes The Bean Spillin an ichi's just 'remember how i said my dad died yeah i wanted to visit him that day 👉👈 '#followed up by the obligatory backpedaling But Its Fine I Can Do Another Day ! No Worries ! etc etc#so pleaaasse cut to arakawa making a 'deal' with ichi in that he can go that day but only if he could tag along#ichi's a great kid it's worth visiting the guy who raised him right#im gonna throw up if arakawa just gets a Funny Feeling during their visit yk what i mean#he just feels Especially grateful for jiro and what he did for ichi- doesnt exactly know why maybe ichi really is just that good of a kiddo#im gona make myself throw UP oh my GOD. crying dying etc etc#if you see me write or draw anything after this no you dont#speaking of though Personal Ramble Time i knew i shouldnt have eaten until later this is my karma <- thats not how karma works#i try not to eat in the evening and the time i do unprompted BOOM mother's home. screaming crying yelling#i still had things i wanted to do upstairs too gdi now i gotta wait til monday or like. 2AM ☠️☠️☠️#ok thats all byyyyye im gonna cope with my cringe family situation with projection 👋
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