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backslashdelta · 2 years

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I considered talking a little more broadly about why them being fanon rather than canon appeals to me, because that is part of it too

Hi hi I am curious about this from your kurtbastian ask :)

Alright so I have tried to answer this so many times, and every time I end up not being able to put it into words the way I want to. So, I'm gonna try one more time, and I'm going to answer this ask if it kills me lmao. But I guess just know that I may not be articulating my thoughts in exactly the way I would like to, so sorry about that. I'm also going to put the main answer under a cut, because it's long and rambly and, like I said, I didn't do a great job articulating my thoughts haha.

Disclaimer: I'm going to be talking a lot in generalizations. I definitely understand that not everybody thinks this way, and even those who agree with some things may not agree with others. So, just, yeah. Not trying to paint everyone with one brush. Just presenting my own personal views and perspective and what I have seen in my fandom experience.

TL;DR: All fiction is made up, none of this is real, do what you want, and "well at least my ship was canon" is not the insult that you think it is because people who love fanon ships are very well aware that our ships were not canon (and oftentimes we aren't even wishing for them to be anyway).

When I see people bringing up the differences between canon and fanon ships, I feel like it tends to be from a perspective of how you should kind of... respect, canon ships? And I get it, I think. If something is canon, it has development you can see and work with, there are relationship flaws that maybe aren't the nicest bu they're there and they're canon, and on top of that it can just be the victim of bad writing as well unfortunately. In comparison, if a ship is completely fanon, you can just make up whatever the hell you want and make them perfect (not necessarily perfect in the "no flaws" sense, but perfect in the "right flaws" sense, if that makes sense). And that's not wrong. You can make up whatever the hell you want for a fanon ship.

With a fanon ship, you have the characters to work from, but you don't know how they would act in a relationship. You can guess, and that guess can be reasonably well informed depending on the source material and how much you know about each character individually and any relationships they've had with other characters. But you don't really know how they would behave in a relationship with each other.

In canon, you know. Because you see them. That happens on screen and you see their relationship and how they interact, for better and for worse. You can completely make things up, if you want, but in general that's not something most people would want to do, and that's understandable because usually people like the ship because of the dynamics they see in the source material.

So I think a lot of people take those differences, and they put canon ships on a higher level because you are working with the source material, which feels more "real," as opposed to fanon ships where you're just making up their entire relationship basically from nothing.

And... I kind of get it. I do. Because in fandom we build off the source material, we're writing meta and creating transformative works and that requires something to base these things on, right? But I think where it falls apart for me is that none of this is real. The writers of *insert media of your choice here* created your favourite ship from nothing! That's no more real than the many fanon ships that also (don't) exist, these are all imaginary characters and imaginary relationships. It's not less good to have more imagination or headcanons or whatever involved in making the ship you enjoy work, in my opinion. I mean, obviously don't tell people who like canon ships that their ship is worse either, because it's not, I think it's really so cool to be able to work with that established relationship and build and extrapolate from that, appreciate the good writing that we were given and figure out how they would act in new and different circumstances. But that's not more real than putting a fanon ship in different circumstances as well.

I don't want to speak for everyone who prefers a fanon ship, but to give a little more insight into my feelings, I think it comes down to a couple things. One, is that the canon ship I feel the most strongly about, I also have not-insignificant issues with some aspects of it. You might say, "Well Bella, you said it's all imaginary, so can't you just pretend those issues aren't there?" and the answer would be yes, I can and I do lol, that's how I still enjoy the ship. But I don't think that would be enough on it's own. The second part is where the fanon ship comes in; is there another potential pairing who have demonstrated or have the potential to have a more interesting (to me) dynamic than my favourite canon ship? They might not have a canon relationship but if they've interacted, or if they both have enough development for you to be able to guess how they might interact, that can be intriguing and something worth exploring.

There's something really nice about having a fairly blank slate to work with, too. I think people look at that as a flaw of fanon relationships (or not so much a flaw, but more a criticism of why they're "less good"), but I just really don't agree. I like the freedom of being able to do whatever I want without having their canon relationship hanging over it. It's just such a different experience from shipping a canon ship. I love that it means I have to figure out how I think they would act and interact in certain scenarios, and I don't have a lot of canon information to go from. It's kind of a fun thinking exercise? I like writing and coming up with stories and I guess it's part of that, maybe, I feel like I have more opportunities to be creative, and this is important, in the ways that I enjoy being creative. Because there are lots of ways to be creative while enjoying canon ships, too, they're just kind of different. And that's really what it comes down to, and I'm not sure how else to say it haha.

I feel like I didn't do a great job explaining this, but I don't think I'm going to get anything better by waiting longer to answer, so I think this is just what it is. It's difficult because I really do think it's so subjective and such an individual thing. With canon ships you have more of a foundation to work from and build off, and there's something so wonderful about that. With fanon ships, you have less of that, but I think it's still wonderful to take these small bits and pieces that weren't meant to go together, and see what happens if you try to combine them. It's just so different, different in the way you need to think about it and different in the way you enjoy it, and sometimes nothing in canon feels quite right for you but a different combination of characters just speaks to you, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying that if it's what you like. Just don't shit on other people for liking something else and it's all good.

TL;DR: All fiction is made up, none of this is real, do what you want, and "well at least my ship was canon" is not the insult that you think it is because people who love fanon ships are very well aware that our ships were not canon, and oftentimes we aren't even wishing for them to be anyway.

#ask #fandom #mine #md-drawz #finally answering this thank you for your patience <3

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florrickandassociates · 3 years

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TGF Thoughts: 5x03-- And the court had a clerk...

Hello again! It’s nice to have this show back. This episode was a bit less of a standout than the previous two, but I’m still happy with the overall direction for this season. More under the cut (or here, because tumblr sucks).

When Robert King tweeted the episode title, I asked him if all the titles this season were adding up to one long sentence/story, hoping he’d confirm it and give a little more information. He did! He said it’s “in the Farmer in the Dell mode” and while I think I get what he’s saying, I’m very curious to see how it plays out. Haven’t been able to track down 5x04′s title yet, but the promo is out. (As of this morning! It’s interesting they’re not putting them after the episode this year; I kind of like it.)

Kurt’s job is up in the air given the new administration. I think this scene exists mostly just to remind us where Kurt works and the stakes.

What month is this supposed to be in? The transition seems recent but no one is wearing masks.

Kurt spots a poster asking for help ID’ing people at the Capitol on January 6th. He thinks he recognizes someone...

And now we’re in case of the week land. This case is about a small business owner whose business went under after someone created fake news articles accusing him of pedophilia.

I think the whole point of this (kind of long) scene is to show that this case is a pretty small deal. Low stakes, inexperienced opposing lawyer. (Not even sure why Liz would be arguing this in court, but whatever.)

Tbh I thought this was going to wind up in 9 ¾ court.

Now that we have junior level characters, we get scenes showing that there are, in fact, people at RBL who are mid-level. Liz asks an associate to work on something, he asks another associate to work on it, she delegates to other associates, and they delegate to Marissa and Carmen. This work seems terrible.

It’s so funny to me how this is probably more realistic than most of the lawyering on the show and yet it only shows up selectively. We only see the hierarchy here to make it clear that Marissa and Carmen are at the bottom.

David Lee interrupts and asks for Carmen. He’s very rude to her. Interestingly, she’s hesitant to leave her grunt work and follow David, even though she must know he outranks the associate who gave her the grunt work.

“Why am I supposed to know you?” David asks her as they walk through the halls. “I don’t know if you are,” Carmen responds. “Why does Benjamin Dafoe know you?” he asks. She doesn’t know who he is.

“Who are you?” Dafoe asks when Carmen enters. She states her name, again. “Why are you important?” he asks. “I don’t think that I am,” Carmen responds.

Then Dafoe says his top client, and it’s a name that the characters all know. I’m glad this scene is free of any “he’s the white OJ” expository lines (that’s from Sweeney’s introduction) -- it’s clear from the reactions and the discussion of police and rape that the top client is a bad guy, probably a rapist. The rapist wants Carmen to represent him.

Putting 2 and 2 together, Carmen asks if the rapist knows Rivi. He’s not, but he’s at the same prison. As soon as Carmen says she’s representing Rivi, David Lee switches gears, understanding the situation and trying to sign the new business. He’s so shameless!

Marissa sorts ALL the papers. There are a LOT of papers. I’m swamped. Look at all this paper.

She catches the associate who assigned her the task leaving for the night just as she finishes up, and cheerfully notes she’s finished the task. Then the associate mentions this was only half of the bills. Marissa does not like that. Since her goal in wanting to be a lawyer is mostly just to give her something exciting to do and earn respect... this hierarchy thing is not going so well.

Marissa decides that after her rough day, she’s going to stop by Wackner’s court. He’s in the middle of a case about Emily in Paris fanfiction and he’s very happy to see Marissa.

Wackner’s night court has a program—it notes the sponsor is Copy Co-op (I thought it was Copy Coop?) and the paper products were also provided by them. And “there will be regular intermissions at the discretion of Judge Wackner.” It’s very theatrical.

Wackner takes a recess and calls Marissa to his “chambers.” He asks for her thoughts on the case. “All they want is attention and to feel like they’ve won,” Marissa notes. Wackner’s on the same wave length and compares it to the Scarecrow’s diploma at the end of The Wizard of Oz. So, he makes copyright certificates and some minor modifications to each of the fanfic books. They say “I respect you and I love you” and that’s that.

Wackner catches Marissa before she leaves and asks her to be his law clerk—part time or full time, 10% of all the legal filings and unlimited use of copy machines. She is hesitant because she “doesn’t even know what this is.”

Wackner says his court is “the future.” Marissa turns him down; notes she wants to pass the bar. “You know why all these people are here? ‘Cause the courts and the lawyers and the appeals have made justice... unattainable. Out of reach. To anyone who doesn’t have a shitload of money to wait it out. That’s why Exxon beats out Mr. Nobody. Read Kafka’s Before the Law.”

I just read it, and you should too! It literally is a page, but tl;dr, there’s a man who wants to get to the law and instead he spends his whole life trying to win over the first of many gatekeepers on the path to the law. He never gets through the gate.

“Justice is only just if it’s available to everyone,” Wackner says. Marissa thinks about that.

As I said last week, it’s smart that Wackner makes so much sense. Hearing him say all this, knowing that it’s true... it makes it very easy to get on board with the thought experiment. Of course there would be huge repercussions to this kind of system, but it makes so much sense it’s compelling TV!

Kurt’s showering when Diane gets home, which gives her time to stumble across the WANTED poster and notice that Kurt has drawn facial hair onto one of the pictures. “Who is this?” she asks him. “No one,” he says. “Well, you drew in a beard and a moustache on him,” Diane notes. Kurt says he was doodling, but Diane calls him out as he is the “exact opposite of a doodler.” Kurt says he thought it was someone he knew, but he’s not sure. Diane pushes him to tell the feds. Kurt reiterates he’s not sure, but it’s someone he went shooting with. “Oh my God, then it’s him,” Diane jumps to (not incorrect) conclusions. Kurt says he didn’t talk that way; he’s a veteran. “Kurt! That’s the profile!” Diane argues. Kurt isn’t convinced and he doesn’t want to be responsible for naming names. He notes he’ll be threatened with indictment for not naming names and then only lawyers will end up benefitting. Diane is not convinced.

I think this is an interesting conflict for Kurt and Diane. I understand why Kurt is hesitant to speak out before he’s sure. And I understand and agree with Diane that it’s important to identify the attackers and prevent anything like that from happening again.

I don’t mean to blame Kurt, exactly, but I feel like all of what happens next could’ve played out differently if Kurt had been just a little clearer with Diane about why he was hesitant to ID the man. Like, the threat of indictment for not naming names sounds like some typical anti-government rambling. Saying you specifically are afraid that this will turn back on you and you need to weigh your options and come up with a plan first would put Diane in a very different mode, in which they’d work together to craft the best strategy. Because this man would’ve been ID’d by someone, sooner or later, and Kurt would’ve needed to be prepared.

Diane stares at the wanted poster at work and asks Jay to find his identity. He’s on the FBI TEN MOST WANTED? Ten!? Ok!

Diane shares the extra information she has—the gun range and that he’s a veteran—and Jay gets to work.

Turns out there’s no money in the case that Liz, a name partner, is working on and Marissa just spent all those hours sorting bills for. I could’ve told you there was no money in that case lol.

Jay IDs the guy very fast. He’s faster than the feds because they didn’t know where he shot. The range had his license on file, and Jay got ahold of it.

“Well, we don’t pay you enough,” Diane says. “Oh, I know that,” Jay laughs.

Diane says she’s going to think about calling the feds—it's definitely the same guy.

Marissa notes someone high profile (David Cord, who I presume is a thinly veiled stand-in for David Koch given the name, his role in the plot, and the fact that he is “David Cord of the Cord Brothers”) in the lobby giving a fake name and goes to tell Liz.

David Cord is performing magic tricks for the receptionists (they don’t recognize him) when Liz and Marissa show up. “I knew your father. I hated your father,” Cord says. “Yes, well, he hated you too,” Liz says. He says he gave a fake name to see what the reception would be like since he’s kinda infamous.

Liz introduces Marissa as one of the law clinic lawyers. Marissa knows what to say in this situation. Specifically, she knows that it is the exact right moment to name drop her father.

“Democrats as far as the eye can see,” Cord notes. At that, Liz asks Marissa to get Julius involved.

More good expository work! (No, editor feature of Word, I do NOT want that to say “Better expository work,” that would change my meaning, go away and please stop grading my recap??? I don’t know how I brought this up but it’s telling me my score is 72%, so a C, and it’s driving me crazy. Oh, now I’m a 71%. It had me at like, 50%, because I had written “Wackner” and “Wackner” is not a word. No shit.)

Anyway, back to the exposition. I like that we don’t get a line like, “Liz! David Cord, the Republican super donor, is here!” We just get to see Liz’s reaction, Cord’s hate of Liz’s father, and the line about democrats. Then it becomes clearer who Cord is.

Just noticed Liz is wearing an Apple Watch.

Liz stands for her meeting with Cord, likely to maintain power. Cord says January 6th changed everything to him and now he’s all about unity and loving America.

Cord has something to say about Liz’s case, the one that’s not making any money, and he seems to know quite a lot about it. That spooks Liz.

Then Cord offers her $12 million to continue the case for another six months (all of these months, seemingly, will play out in the couple of days the rest of this episode takes, but, whatever). He just wants them to go after the social media company that distributed the fake news... and Section 230.

Don’t know what that is? Now you do, because there is a Good Fight short! These work so much better when they’re actually needed (explaining concepts, etc.) than when they’re trying to force one into every episode (remember that Downton Abbey one? What... was that?)

I was talking to @mimeparadox about this short and he pointed out that this short has a VERY clear POV on an issue that actually doesn’t seem to be all that straightforward. If you’re like me and only had a vague sense of what Section 230 was prior to this episode, this short is telling you what to think of it—it isn’t just explaining what it is.

I do tend to agree with the show’s POV on most things, but this is an issue I’d like to read more on. I love how Section 230 was something I hadn’t really read up on prior to this episode and now that it’s been on TGF I realize it’s something that actually, yes, I would’ve been interested in knowing about earlier. Is this because things that are on TGF are interesting to me because they’re on TGF or is it because TGF generally only discusses things that would be interesting to me? Probs a little bit of both.

Diane asks Jay how to make an anonymous phone call and he hands her a burner phone. She calls the FBI with the rioter’s name. She doesn’t leave her name and then she dumps the phone.

Credits! Did you catch there’s a Jordan Boatman in the credits? She plays one of the associates who passes down the grunt work to Marissa, and she’s Michael Boatman’s daughter in real life! She’s also been in one other episode, in season 3.

I never get tired of these credits!

The RL partners (and some associates who are on the case? I think these are the same ones who delegated the work to Marissa?) debate whether or not they should take Cord’s money. Madeline notes that he’s funded a lot of Republican campaigns; Julius notes that both Republicans and Democrats agree that Section 230 is flawed and this is an opportunity for unity.

Diane notes that the right doesn’t want to stop conspiracy theories from spreading, so is this really that bipartisan? “It would help if the boomers would stop falling for those conspiracy theories and sharing it with their friends,” an associate (I believe this is Michael Boatman’s daughter again) notes. That quiets the room and the partners all glare at her. Yeah, that was a kind of stupid thing to say. First of all, it’s just not appropriate to say to the partners, and it’s also, like, missing the point? If it’s easy for conspiracy theories to spread among boomers, maybe just expecting each member of that generation to suddenly have a millennial’s understanding of the internet is the wrong strategy? Maybe there’s some structural issue here? That maybe, just maybe, this case is actually about?

The associate also points out that the internet is currently a place where people can speak out about sexual harassment-- “they repeal section 230, and there would be no #MeToo.”

One of the partners says he doesn’t believe that—if they regulate section 230, then newspapers can actually be competitive and there’s still free speech online.

“We’re not going back to reading newspapers, grandpa,” some associate says. What the actual fuck, dude? Who talks like that to their boss?! It’s so condescending. He’s also wrong! “Newspapers” are not just physical things... reporting by major publications still matters and will continue to matter. Like, is he suggesting that in the future all news will just be random people tweeting things they think are true with no fact checking or curation? Sure, journalism is struggling right now—but I don’t think that’s because there’s a lack of desire for well-reported news.

I am glad the partners call him out on saying “grandpa” and honestly I’m shocked he isn’t asked to leave the discussion after that rude remark. Unless this young looking dude is a partner too? But I don’t think he is.

Julius notes that if they’re going to pursue this case, they need money like Cord’s. At that, Liz starts to leave the meeting. “We haven’t decided if we’re taking this Cord money yet,” Madeline protests. “Of course we are,” Liz says and leaves.

Now that’s more like it! I’m not sure if this is necessarily the best way to handle this, but she’s a) correct, they were always going to take the money because it is $12 million and an issue of interest and b) using her authority. Should Liz be making decisions totally on her own? Maybe not. Does Liz making this decision and then leaving (with everyone accepting that she’s correct) cut through a lot of bullshit and establish Liz as the one in charge? Yup.

Diane says, “Ooh-kay” with a little bit of an eyeroll after Liz exits, but she’s still laying low. I think in a different season Diane might’ve tried to push back.

Is it me or does Baranski get a lot of material this episode we haven’t seen before? Lots of really good reaction shots/tones in this episode I don’t really think we’ve seen from Diane before. I’m impressed there’s still new stuff after 12 years.

At some point maybe I will actually write the essay I’ve been wanting to write for ages about how TGF is still so relevant despite being in a universe that should be showing its age by now. I wish I could find the first time that I called TGW a period piece set in the present day (I know it would’ve been during season five) because I think that’s the key to TGW/TGF’s enduring success. The shows always feel timely because they try to capture the present moment (which is, of course, always changing) and don’t get stuck in any one moment in time. Further, the fact that the writers are always so tuned in to events and skilled at quickly reacting to what happens in the world makes them VERY good in a pinch, which is (I think) why they’re able to make the most of unexpected situations (Josh leaving TGW, the pandemic).

Liz and Julius bring a suit against ChumHum to attack 230. Judge Friend is initially skeptical of their argument that 230 is unconstitutional; then she’s intrigued. I am too. This argument about the press is a very interesting one. I obviously have a lot of reading to do on 230, but my take after this episode is pretty much that social media platforms have to be held responsible in some way, but I don’t think it’s feasible or desirable for them to be responsible for every single one of billions of posts. I think there has to be some way to regulate social media giants that would allow everyday people to share things and speak out but would prevent the curated (even by an algorithm) spread of fake news and make social media giants accountable when there are very public bad actors using their platforms. What that regulation would be I have no idea. I just refuse to believe that our options are to give the social media sites full immunity or to regulate the internet so strongly that no one is able to speak freely because all the platforms are worried about lawsuits.

Over at the VA, people are being fired. When Kurt gets into his office, Madeline Starkey (wait, are there two characters named Madeline in this episode?) is waiting for him. She’s still very quirky and scary.

Starkey says the guy that Diane reported is now saying Kurt trained him on using assault rifles and buying ammunition in bulk. Kurt notes these were topics covered in a group setting, which Starkey knew—and what she’s really after is the names of the others in the group. (She may already know them, since she knows there were five of them.)

Kurt refuses to name names and just stares at her.

Case stuff happens! (I liked the last two episodes a lot but it’s much faster for me to just write, “case stuff happens” for some of the scenes.)

Hey, surprise Aaron Tveit! (Not really a surprise; he is in the credits. But still yay!)

I don’t really know why Liz and Julius are talking about newspapers specifically and not all types of fact-based journalism/press? I feel like their argument is most convincing when it’s about actual newspapers (especially local ones) but still would apply to cable news...

Marissa’s still hard at work sorting papers when the associate comes back in and informs her she can stop; they’ve changed strategies and everything she’s done is now irrelevant. She also says “I forgot to tell you” at the start of that thought, meaning that she neglected to tell Marissa this important information earlier and wasted her time. Marissa is not pleased and so she goes to Wackner’s court, where Wackner now has a deli ticket machine and is wearing super-sized novelty sunglasses. Why not!

He sees Marissa and calls a five-minute recess. In “chambers,” Marissa tells him she’d like to work for him part-time but keep her RL job.

Wackner needs her help processing more copyright certificates. He’s priced them competitively at $20 and found that a lot of writers want these certificates, even though they have no legal value. (Neither do actual copyrights, Wackner notes. And he notes that if anyone plagiarizes, they can sue in HIS court.)

“Marissa, I’m building something here. I want you to join me. I want your advice on cases. I want to bounce legal theories off you,” he says. “What are your legal theories?” she asks. “I don’t know. That’s why I need to bounce them,” he says.

Marissa gives him from noon to 2 and 5-7, which seems awfully ambitious for someone working at a law firm!

“That’s how revolutions are made. Back rooms of copy shops,” he says, accepting her offer.

Kurt is sulking in the dark when Diane arrives home. He lets her know about Starkey’s visit and she immediately goes into lawyer mode. Notably, this scene does not spend much time on how Starkey found out the rioter’s name. Curious if they’re saving that for later or if Diane and Kurt both know what Diane must have done or if Kurt think’s it’s a coincidence.

Kurt SET UP A TOUR OF THE CAPITOL for one of the veterans in his shooting group, and that tour was ON JANUARY 6TH! I really do wish he’d told Diane that upfront.

Maybe the long pause where Kurt refuses to tell Diane which congressperson arranged the tour even after she promises she won’t say is him letting on that he knows that Diane ID’d the guy? Or maybe it’s just Kurt.

I do not like the dead birds in Starkey’s office, mostly because I do not like thinking about dead birds.

Starkey compares Diane and Kurt to the Conways.

And now more case stuff happens.

Julius gets to question a witness for the first time in two years! He’s a little shaky at first but then he does a fantastic job! Yay Julius!

When Diane arrives at the office, reception is filled with around a hundred teddy bears. “What?” she asks. “Build-a-Bears. They were sent to Marissa,” the receptionist explains. “Okay... why?” Diane asks the logical next question. The receptionist does not know.

“This one’s a Marissa bear,” she says, showing Diane a bear wearing boots and a wig. It does not look much like Marissa and it says “Hug me.”

Diane looks confused and furious at the same time. Her look here is, like, a milder version of the death stare she gives Alicia in Outside the Bubble when she learns about Alicia and Cary’s plan to leave.

“Why don’t we, meaning you, take all these stuffed animals and put them in the conference room,” Diane instructs the receptionist. She is NOT! HAPPY! The receptionist seemed to be having fun with the bears, but clearly the right answer was to have done something with them and... not to have put them over every surface in reception. Eeek.

Carmen’s new client, the rapist, arrives at the firm before anyone can hide the bears. “This may not be the firm for you,” his advisor/lawyer (I’m not totally sure what this dude’s job is) warns.

Madeline notices the rapist and glares at the receptionist. “I know. I’m putting them in the conference room,” the receptionist says, thinking Madeline is upset about the bears. She is not upset about the bears.

Diane finds Marissa, who’s working with Carmen again. She asks Carmen to give them a moment.

“Why are there hundreds of teddy bears in our reception?” Diane asks. Marissa is confused. Diane shows her the Marissa bear. Marissa looks horrified and amused. “That doesn’t even look like me,” Marissa notes, completely missing how pissed off Diane is. I don’t think we have seen Diane be this direct/no-nonsense in ages.

“That would seem to be beside the point. What is going on, Marissa?” Diane demands. Marissa suspects this is based on some advice she offered to a client who was buying a Build-a-Bear franchise and thinks this is a thank you gift. “What client? You’re not a lawyer! Why do you have clients?” Diane says exasperatedly.

Marissa gives her a look, and Diane immediately understands that she’s been back to Wackner’s court. “Oh my God, this is about that Copy Coop court?”

“Marissa, no. By participating in that simulacrum of a courtroom, you exposed this firm to malpractice, sanctions, and God knows what,” Diane says. If that were really true, she wouldn’t have sat there and argued. I mean, I don’t know the legality of this all, but I feel like it’s a bigger optics issue than legal issue if Diane and other lawyers are willing to even consider participating?

“If you wish to continue your employment at this firm, you will never do anything like that again. Do you understand?” Diane says. She will not hear any arguments.

I love that Marissa is the thing that keeps Wackner coming back. It’s a good plot for her, but structurally, it also allows the show to keep Wackner around without many contrivances. Wackner sees that Marissa would understand what he’s up to, she sees that he shares some of her frustrations with the law, and they both want to work together again. It’s not like suddenly everyone’s talking about Wackner’s court and all the cases somehow end up there or anything.

The receptionist, who is having a truly terrible day, comes into announce that Kurt and Starkey have arrived. “Don’t put them in the conference room!” Diane commands, knowing that the teddy bears will be there. It’s too late, though, because the receptionist (who previously seemed to be fine at her job if bad at recognizing public figures and understanding that partners might not find teddy bears amusing) has already put them in the conference room. I feel bad for her, and don’t think the other things were her fault, but I feel like she could’ve seen this one coming...

I find the teddy bears HILARIOUS, mostly because the reactions to them are so funny. It’s kind of the same gag as the balloons for Lucca in season two, but I don’t really care, because I’m getting to see Diane Lockhart treat hundreds of Build-a-Bears like they are a real work problem.

Starkey jokes about the bears; Kurt is silent.

The rioter from the poster is now accusing Kurt of coming up with the STRATEGY for January 6th, which Kurt and Diane both dismiss as bullshit.

I could do without Starkey’s musical cues.

I can’t tell if Kurt is in trouble here or if she’s just pressing him to name names. Why wouldn’t she just have rioter guy name names if he’s so eager to blame Kurt? I guess maybe if the others were actually there, he might be less likely to name the names of his actual co-conspirators? Or, Starkey might already know the names (surely the shooting range has logs) and be using this to raise the stakes.

No one (except maybe the partner named Daniel) is happy about the rapist in reception. “Since when are we representing people like Wolfe-Coleman?” Julius asks. Didn’t these people help both Sweeney (though I think Sweeney was in some weird police brutality case and they didn’t actually want to represent him) and Bishop? And Rivi? But they draw the line here? Sure.

Ah, there we go, an expository line-- “he’s the next Jeffrey Epstein”. Almost made it the whole episode without one of these. I’ll forgive it since it’s so late in the episode lol.

“Did you approve this, Liz?!” Madeline demands. Liz did not. Daniel wonders if that means Diane approved it. Liz doesn’t think so and calls Diane (who happens to be walking past) in.

“I know, the teddy bears. I’m working on it,” Diane says when she opens the door. I think the teddy bears are a bigger issue to Diane than to anyone else.

Diane didn’t approve representing Mr. Rapey either. She’s uncomfortable that a meeting was happening without her; Madeline notes that she is standing there specifically because they wanted to involve her.

David Lee pops up out of nowhere with the answer: one of the new associates (not Marissa, “the real one”) pulled in Mr. Rapey. Are there only two associates now even though orientation was for a big group?

Firth is gone, btw. David Lee is the new Mr. Firth. I have no idea why David would want to be STR Laurie’s guy for managing RL but... sure, whatever? David Lee is an effective antagonist, especially in small doses, and this allows the writers to keep him around and continue the STR Laurie plot without a key guest star. If STR Laurie is still a thing, and it seems like it is going to be a thing for a while, then having David Lee take on this role makes sense for plot. Otherwise they’re going to have to shoehorn him in to every plot somehow. At least now he has a reason to be around.

Liz and Diane take a walk to chat. Diane is worried about having David as their boss. Liz says she has a worse worry—David Lee knew exactly when to come downstairs with information, suggesting he know what they were talking about. “Would he do something like that?” Liz asks when Diane wonders if there’s a bug. “Oh, yeah,” Diane replies. Hah, yeah. He absolutely would.

They decide to have Jay search for bugs and Liz is frustrated with how much time they have to spend on things other than lawyering. Yup.

“What is going on with all the teddy bears in the conference room?” Liz asks as they head back to the office. “It’s a long story,” Diane sighs. I also love that the teddy bears link the various pieces of the episode together—it feels like all of these threads are happening simultaneously because of that constant.

I don’t get RL’s approach to clients. Bishop and Rivi are ok, Wolfe-Colman is not (except that actually he is fine). Cord is okay too. Do they draw the line anywhere? I know Liz was right when she said that OF COURSE they were taking the money, but is there really nothing that differentiates that situation from this one? I feel like there should be.

Marissa goes back to see Wackner. Since someone refuses to say “I respect and I love you,” Wackner reverses his ruling. This is part of the “Bad Loser Law of last Wednesday,” so the rules of Wackner’s court are clearly a work in progress.

Marissa explains she can’t be the law clerk because of Diane. She tries to connect him with a real lawyer, still not understanding exactly what Wackner’s after. “You know just enough not to crush what I’m doing here,” Wackner explains. “A real lawyer will look for reasons why not. I need someone to look for reasons why.”

Case stuff happens. I cannot read Cord’s handwriting. Liz and Julius lose the case because Judge Friend says what’s happening isn’t fair, but it is constitutional. (So here we have, at least in the show’s POV, a good and attentive judge who can’t make decisions that make sense because she’s bound by a document written before anyone had ever dreamed of the internet.)

Cord is waiting for Liz in her office. He’s prepared to bankroll an appeal. Did they blow thorough that $12 million already? Impressive; it’s been like a day.

Cord says they are definitely the firm he wants. Interesting.

Now Liz wants a meeting with Carmen, so it’s Marissa who leaves the room. This scene seems like it was meant to be a different day?

Liz wants to talk about Mr. Rapey. Carmen is, yet again, chill about the case. “Carmen, is there anyone that you would not represent?” Liz asks. Funny, Liz, I could ask you the same. Being hesitant about it is not changing the fact that you’re representing bad people. Carmen’s just cutting the bullshit.

“I don’t understand. Is there someone you don’t want me to represent?” I love how Carmen’s incredibly polite responses always seem very pointed. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Carmen’s reply, and yet it puts Liz in a place where she can’t dance around what she’s trying to say.

“I’m just trying to get a sense of who you are,” Liz explains.

Then Liz decides she’s going to help on the Craig Wolfe-Colman (Mr. Rapey) case, and they will keep talking about her career path. Liz, this does not seem like the right solution! You're worried about your associate representing bad people so you’re like, I know, what if I ALSO represented bad people? If your goal is to convince Carmen not to take clients like this, you’re kinda shooting yourself in the foot!

“Are you worried about me?” Carmen says, again turning things on Liz. “I don’t know what I am about you,” Liz replies. Me either. Well, I know I'm intrigued, but beyond that, no clue!

All the bears have ended up in Diane’s office, where Wackner is waiting. He jokes about how his court is always seen as informal, yet this real fancy law office is covered in Build-a-Bears. Then he says he wants to hire RL—he's willing to pay. He wants consultation from Marissa (“consultation on legal issues”) and he’s prepared to spend a lot. And, if there’s one thing we know, it’s that they’re always going to take the money. So, they do.

I love that Wackner’s goal is to “perfect my little clubhouse of the law.” It’s a fun plot, and it also allows for the rules in his court to change (I’m sure we’re going to be treated to/subjected to a lot of whimsical gags around changing and ridiculous rules). It's also a good way to work through the thought experiment over the course of the season. It’s not like Wackner already has a system set up and it’s perfect—I'm sure we’re going to see his system run into issues and explore that more, too.

Wackner monologues a bit here about why he’s running fake court, and he lets us know he’s going to monologue. Basically he thinks people no longer want to help people and are only motivated by their own self interest. He notes that no one talks about the Peace Corps anymore and asks the last time Diane heard anyone say those words. I’m sure I’ve heard a reference more recently but my mind went RIGHT to season one Cary Agos saying “Peace Corps. Belize,” as some kind of smarmy pickup line. This is likely not where my mind was supposed to go.

Wackner wants “A new Peace Corps. For America.” Diane’s sympathetic to that and agrees to take him on as a client.

Wackner asks if he can take a bear. Diane instructs him to take two.

Aaaand Wackner and Cord end up on the elevator together. Wackner hands Cord a bear, the elevator doors close, and the episode ends. Since last episode ended with Marissa and Carmen in the elevator together, I’m hoping this will be how every episode this season ends. I think using the Kings’ favorite liminal space to transition between episodes is kind of fun, and it fits with the ellipses at the end of every episode title.

Speaking of... did you see today’s elevator-themed episode of Evil? It was written by the Kings. Those two have been obsessed with elevators for at least a decade.

#the good fight #tgfthoughts

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aegialia · 3 years

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self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill.

for good:

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby.

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting.

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends.

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me.

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness.

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories.

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me.

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

#gloomth and circumstance #this is definitely not required reading!#i just felt like rambling for a very long time about my feelings and my blog #w bonus blog trivia at the bottom that amuses me and probably no one else

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wovenstarlight · 3 years

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rambling thoughts about hyj (canon vs ywbk)

yoojin is so so fascinating as a character to me... i think about him 24/7 he occupies every available inch of brainspace i have. like this man and his issues am i fucking right. so i’m going to talk a bit about how i see him working and how i chose to portray him in my time travel series

so canon hyj, right. he’s like. he’s such a funky narrator. he’s like if i occupy my mind with endless work i will avoid falling into the pit of depression and immense grief from all that i went through pre regression. but also what i went through pre regression wasn’t even that bad. but also everyone who hurt me back then is assholes. but anyway ignore all that because i have work to do.

and on top of that the way he interacts with people is very... i won’t say it’s utilitarian but he’s very focused on what he can do for people and what they can do for him. in a currently-unpublished but translated chapter, he says that (SPOILERS!) he’s asked his thoughts on shj, and he answers that sung hyunjae is a useful man, and yoojin has to be polite to him on the off chance he needs to rely on him in the future. a very “he’s useful” kind of answer. this despite the obvious chemistry he and shj have-- not even in a romance way (though i do like jinjae), they just? get along? they banter easily and they have similar senses of humour and even though sometimes hyj gets exasperated at his behaviour, he still chats with him in a friendly way all the same.

and yet he’s also like SHJ Is Useful And That’s It. I Don’t Like Him At All. and he saves him in his contacts as “skill” and generally acts like he’s completely uncaring. which, compared to how much love he has for hyh and then for byr, i understand- shj at the moment quite honestly does not rank up there at all compared to those two? but he does rank somewhere, i think, because then hyj gets annoyed and upset when shj doesn’t show up to help him, and past a “shit, i needed his specific skillset for this situation and now i’m not sure how to manage this”, he does react in a very... i’ve been let down by someone i had high hopes for, kind of way.

so basically he’s got this whole, i don’t care about people1, thing going on, but then he also very much does care. and hyj is a caring person! fuck, shj even says to hyh at one point that han yoojin-gun has a bad habit of letting people into his heart too easily. what that tells me is that hyj has like.... SEVERE trust issues. he won’t allow himself to care about people, to be aware of any feelings he holds towards people- he makes himself only think about the skills people offer him, about how he can use them. and even then, whenever possible, he does things himself and he avoids relying on others, sometimes because he “doesnt want to bother them [with adult matters]” (that one talk with yoohyun) and sometimes because he just doesn’t really trust them with whatever needs doing

1. as an aside i do think hyj’s moral sense is very funny because like. if anyone touches his fucking kids they’re as good as dead! he’ll kill them! he cares about no one but his kids and everyone else can die! [the world is in danger] ah, fuck, maybe he cares about people who aren’t his kids. he doesn’t want the world to die. but don’t BRING IT UP!!! JEEZ!!! HIS PRIDE!!!! but also if you get blacklisted for whatever reason then Die literally Die he will kill you himself. it’s a very funny, he’s a good person but oh, he’s also a little bit insane, actually. that sort of situation. i love him. go crazy go stupid, sweetie, you’re doing great.

WHICH IN CONTEXT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT PRE REGRESSION! like hyj was raised with the experience of his parents, the people in the world whose unconditional support he was meant to have, being tossed down the drain because he chose to take care of yoohyun. so he’s already like, yeah, i gotta rely on myself. he has that understanding that.... he’s gotta rely on himself first and foremost, rather than trusting people who are supposed to be taking care of him. not just caring for him, actually, caring for him and yoohyun, because then he basically has to dedicate his life to yoohyun growing up. he’s been acting as yoohyun’s primary guardian from age Baby. and age 17 to 22 was literally just him dropping everything he was doing for himself in favor of getting a job and making sure yoohyun stayed in school and was fine. yoojin himself dropped out of school so he must’ve lost his whole friend group and support system. and then post-dungeon shock, he gets thrown aside and pretty much discarded by yoohyun without so much as a goodbye from the kid, which-- wow! ouch! that shit must have hurted! talk about being fucking burned, jeez. and even after that, spending three years running after yoohyun, trying to “regain” his trust and love, yoojin would’ve seen his Unawakened self as ‘not good enough’ for s-rank yoohyun. and therein comes the “if it’s not useful it’s worthless” mindset. and then he Awakened as f-rank-- already a blow!-- and then on top of that he gets backstabbed by the dozens of people who were like “you’re an s-rank’s brother! go get Awakened, i’ll bet money on you Awakening to a good rank!” and then pulled out on him, leaving him with idk how much debt (this is all mentioned in early chapters somewhere, i’ll pull citations later). man, i’m not surprised he has trust issues.

so that’s already part of his difficulty trusting other people. but then it gets compounded when you think about it further because like, His Fucking Skills, Man. he has a whole skill focused around “if you make an emotional connection with someone and then they die, it’s useful to you.” holy fuck! no wonder he’s allergic to bringing people into battle alongside himself! no wonder he throws himself into dungeons solo just to get freebie skills that allow him to be some semblance of independently combat-ready! every time he makes a connection with people he’s wondering if one day he’ll get their dying memories! you ever wonder how many people he had on his list of “keyworded individuals” pre-reg? he’s stated that he used to be at the back of dungeon parties with a spear (the need for weapons with a longer reach because of his low defense, obviously) and so someone else always died before he did? how many teammates that he cared about has he watched die in front of himself, how many times has he gotten the dying memories of those teammates, how many times have the rest of his living teammates turned on him after finding out his ability and accused him of getting the dead person killed on purpose so that he could have their skills? like hyj brings it up when he’s first explaining last repayment, and hyj cares about people so easily that he’d never do it and yet he still thought of it. which means other people would undoubtedly think of it very easily. and they wouldn’t be as forgiving when there’s a body count right there.

just, last repayment basically took hyj’s (largely yoohyun-induced) fear of losing the people he cared about and slammed his head directly into a concrete wall. thanks for that, king. so now hyj forces himself to constantly asses people on a “what skills do they have? how useful are they to me?” basis if they try to get close to him, rather than allowing him to just go “friend :-) i care them“. and it makes him reluctant to get close to and rely on people, because again, Danger Lies Therein

and all of this also must have made him be used to... being unloved, i guess (from his perspective- yoohyun cared, even when he left, but yoojin didn’t know that until yoohyun died). because most if not all of the people who have cared about or pretended to care about him have later left him. he’s got abandonment issues up the wazoo. when people say they care about him (stw, shj) he reacts with distrust. when he reveals the slightest imperfection he’s convinced they‘ll leave him, regardless of how much kindness he’s shown them in the meantime-- remember when he told myeongwoo he’d lied about them being childhood friends? complete confusion that myeongwoo didn’t immediately renounce their friendship. (SPOILERS FOR UNPUBLISHED CHAPTERS!) and later, it happens again with yerim- he tells her that he wasn’t actually a friend of her parents, he just wanted to poach her for haeyeon-- and then wonders why she doesn’t react with betrayal, when what she says is “i’m glad! ahjussi was so kind to me, i was worried i’d bewitched him somehow. i’m glad he actually cares about me. it makes me happy you were so kind”. he expects to lose the people he cares about, if not by outside causes, then of their own volition.

though on the outside causes front, i suppose it does help that like, all the people he’s growing close to now are hypercompetent high-rankers and therefore less likely to get themselves hurt. versus last timeline’s f-rank and e-rank friends, who’d probably routinely get killed, rip. but then there lies the possibility of yoojin thinking “if i pull them into danger then they’re in that much more danger” (see: Literally The Whole Reason Pre-reg Yoohyun Died. he went to help hyj and got in over his head trying to defend hyj and keep hyung alive, when he should’ve been able to defend himself with ease. hyj and diarma both acknowledge this.) which, again, plays into the reason he tries to avoid relying on other people.

tl;dr hyj’s interpersonal relationships are fucked!

but anyways moving on to talk about my fic versions of canon yoojin (hyj): han hyunjae (hhj) and han yoojin jr. (hyj jr). and how i’ve given them both problems disorders based on hyj’s issues

so like right off the bat we have hhj’s major issue, repeatedly brought up in-fic-- his issue with relying on people. let me pull a quote about this from the author notes of ywbk chapter 11:

some of you might be wondering why the yoojins are so [pretends to be okay and centers self on taking care of others], particularly [hhj]. my thinking for that part was mostly... in canon we see yoojin surrounded by people he knows are competent and capable, almost all of them adults. even when he's "raising" them, he has some degree of confidence in their ability to watch out for themselves. plus he's had time to grow out of being the only one in charge of the family; he's seen his brother come into his own and he's pulled back from his caretaking role

but here, [hhj]'s been directly thrust into raising two kids (and yeah even if [hyj jr]'s 18 he's still very much a child). not only that, but his knowledge of the future makes him (in his eyes) more knowledgable than just about all the folks around him, even the adults. mostly, he doesn't want to drop all his baggage on them when he knows they won't be able to relate (and in some cases, he doesn't want them to live with that knowledge). so he kind of distanced himself from everyone and pushed himself further into the caretaking thing as a way of coping, without realizing that's what he was doing.

we have hhj who, as hyj’s au twin, has the same trust issues and forced utilitarian attitude rising from pre-reg experiences. and then we dropped him into a situation where that “prioritize work and handle all issues myself” attitude is-- i don’t want to say rewarded, exactly, but it’s definitely useful for him in the timeline he’s in. he’s the oldest han brother, so handling issues naturally falls to him anyway as the head of the family; with both boys in school, he’s the breadwinner of the family, so prioritizing work is good! he becomes a super-efficient worker and it satisfies the needs of everyone around him!

unfortunately yoojin is a caring person, so hyj jr realizes that hhj is very much overreaching when he’s not even begun to address the effects of the Very Obvious In A Non-Dungeon World pre-reg trauma. so he’s like. hyung. what the FUCK, dude. take it easy and rely on people once in a while.

and physically, sure, hhj can rely on them. he can get yoohyun to do chores, he can get junior to take on a part time job so funds aren’t a constant worry. he gets better at trusting them to manage regular life stuff, honestly! he’s pretty good about that sort of thing now!

but then it comes to emotional needs, and like, hyj jr is a kid? and hyh is a kid? so any trust hhj builds there is going to be a little one-sided, since he can’t dump all his emotional worries on children. whatever yoojin is, he is a good caretaker who addresses his kids’ needs, and the kids do not need to be hhj’s therapists.

and hhj doesn’t really have friends his own age, and even when he does (hello jiyeon and hamin and orv gang), none of them can quite- Get it, because there’s not really an easy way to explain “i have deep-seated trauma about my family leaving me and about the people around me dying brutally” without, uh, (a) a LOT of trusting them to take you seriously and not snitch (b) explaining some Context about his youth and also the dungeons. (like yeah he could say “i’m scared everyone i care about will die on me in horrifying ways, particularly if they try to get close to me”, but that’s an irrational fear (because why would everyone die horrifyingly, why would getting close to hhj be a death sentence)-- unless you know that “everyone i care about” consists of Hunters and getting close to hhj involves getting involved with dungeons, and then his fear is very real and very understandable, even without knowing about pre-reg. there’s a reason why, even though hhj had four years to grow close to jiyeon, it still took the dungeon shock occurring for him to finally tell her even the smallest bit about pre-regression.

(from jiyeon’s perspective, she doesn’t notice much amiss, because the things hhj is keeping from her are mostly pre-reg related. he doesn’t mind talking to her about his current life, though he is reluctant to talk about some personal issues with her. hamin is a little more distant, because he is still hhj’s boss, so hhj tries to stay mostly cordial with him. orv gang is a more casual relationship- not really the type where he can dump his personal issues on them; and anyway, they’re a tight-knit friend group themselves, so hhj feels a little more on the fringes, not excluded but not fully included, either. a little like hsy does, but without the whole “i have to play the bad guy of the team” mindset.)

and this distance he creates without anyone realizing, this inability of his to fully trust them with all the details of his life, is what results in the freakout around the dungeon shock. the whole, You Are Actively Dying, if you don’t explain yourself right now i’ll finish the job. (though i don’t blame him for not trusting them with his trauma! i don’t really think he’s ready to talk about it. especially with people who don’t yet have any context for even the start of the story. hopefully this’ll change post-dungeon shock, though.)

unfortunately even with his newfound ability to talk about things more freely, he’s still in a sticky situation-- over the years, he’s developed his ability to rely on people for non-life-and-death situations like “earn money on the side”. but sending his brother to take out the trash is very very different from sending his brother to fight dungeons and other Hunters without backup. is very different from needing to risk a life and choosing his brother’s. so despite his hard-won Relying On Others abilities, they don’t extend to dungeon world situations.

and what does this mean, practically? it means, like canon hyj, hhj is going to persistently overreach himself in trying to fight alone-- he’ll try to be competent, to take on adversaries, to build strength in every possible avenue so that he can keep yoohyun and hyj jr and the rest of his family out of danger. he’ll try to be a one-man army, just to defend the people he cares about.

(ONE DAY. one day he will learn that it may not be safe to care, he may still be hurt, but that doesn’t mean he should cut himself off in advance. he’s still allowed to care. he’s still allowed to be cared about. oh, hhj. i want to beat him up but more than that i want to hug him.)

and then there’s hyj jr. oh, junior, you’re a delight. i love the concept of a yoojin who’s never had the trauma of being left behind by yoohyun, who’s gotten to flourish and become everything he has the potential to be, fighting at yoohyun’s side and being amazing. it’s too bad the method i chose to achieve this through also left our prodigal son with extreme issues.

(FAIR WARNING: THIS PART WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR LATER PARTS OF YWBK VIS A VIS SOME CHARACTER DECISIONS AND ACHIEVEMENTS. mostly since hyj’s time to shine hasn’t come through quite yet, so we don’t have as much of him)

so our boy junior may not have the various traumas induced by pre-regression, but he does start off with the same parental neglect that makes him hesitant to rely on seniors. and when his parents die, it’s about a week or so before hhj shows up, which junior spends realizing that he’s really going to have to give up his life and completely dedicate himself to guardianship, huh? and then hhj appears, and rips that role out from under him-- not just the “head of the family” role, even the “primary guardian of yoohyun” role. because yoohyun trusts him instinctively, and looks to him with just as much respect as hyj jr. junior becomes desperate to regain that role he’s lived all his life, in whatever form he can, resulting in the chapter 11 blowup. and past me already covered this:

as for junior, he's suddenly gained a new brother out of nowhere who is demonstrably bad at taking care of himself; on top of that, the "head of house + reliable caretaker" role junior's played almost all his life has been stolen out from under his nose without his realizing, and he's not really been able to adjust to suddenly being made to depend on yoojin (and, to a degree, jiyeon). yeah it helps a bit that yoojin's his elder self but even so. so he's attempting to re-assert himself in the role he's familiar with, particularly now that he's due to [go to mandatory service and] not see any of these people for months

he’s trying to figure out where he fits in this new family setup, trying to figure out what he can do for his family. and he would’ve started out on a track similar to hhj, trying to be everything for his family, except then the dungeons start appearing.

and what does hhj reveal? that hyj jr is destined to be an f-rank. that most of the useful skills hhj has, the hard-won power that he has, it’s all earned from other places that hyj jr won’t be able to replicate, most likely. and hyh-- hyh is going to be the pride of the family, as always. s-rank, top of the nation, worldwide hero, peerless and amazing.

hyj jr starts feeling like he’s falling behind. he starts feeling a lot of pressure to keep up. as the dungeon shock hits, he decides he’s going to keep up, one way or another.

and then there’s the aftermath of the shock, and all hyj jr can do is- is sit in the hospital room and wait for hhj to be okay. there’s monsters on the streets, yoohyun is out there killing them and making a difference, and all hyj jr is doing is sitting around. all he can do is offer yoohyun emotional support when he gets back, all he can do is keep jiyeon sane when she calls for daily checkins, all he can do is wait for the nurses to check that hhj is still alive. all he can do is support the people around him without actually acting out himself.

all that determination he had during the shock doesn’t get killed by the realization that he can’t actually do much, with his strengths; by the realization that he can’t be a one-man army like hyung is, sometimes. he decides, instead, that he’s got his handful of things he can do, so obviously the only path left is to do them perfectly.

he throws himself into learning to fight; he throws himself into playing support whenever possible (though allowances are made for being bratty, sometimes, the remaining anxiety from the aftermath of the shock leading to him acting out); he throws himself into working for haeyeon, to the point of becoming the deputy guild leader. he throws himself into perfection so hard that he takes the slightest failure to meet his sky-high expectations hard. (”Why can’t i fight high-ranks without being afraid like hyung can,” says local E-rank without his hyung’s L-rank Fear Resistance) because he only needs to be good at these few things, he can’t do anything other than these few things, so why can’t he at least do this perfect, y’know? why can’t he keep up with his family? why is he never good enough?

(what if he gets left behind again for not being good the way they want him to be? he’d only wanted to take care of yoohyun, and look where that got them.)

so basically, hyj jr winds up with the same Need To Be Enough that hhj has-- but where hhj needs to be able to do Everything, hyj jr needs to be able to do Perfectly at his (self-assigned) Roles. where hhj wants to do whatever he decides needs doing, hyj jr has no illusions about his abilities; he knows he can only be the supportive brother, the hard-working guild leader, the caring friend, the perfect whatever. everything else is something he won’t dare to try for, because he Knows he’ll never be enough. and if he ever fails even slightly at the things he can do, it’s an instant game over, anyway.

congrats, junior, you’ve given yourself clinical anxiety!

but yeah, that’s. yoojins.

#star.txt #hyj let me study you [hand emojis]#my first exam is tomorrow and yet i wrote an essay for an hour and a half. time to do statistics now #i don't claim to be good at character meta. but i will still write it.#ugh i guess i should tag this with the fandom tags #han yoojin #my sranks #work: yesterday will be kinder

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greenbriar-j · 3 years

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I’m back to ramble about things bc I’m running through ideas and need to write them down lmao

Tl;dr I no longer know how to outline or anything sosoksdjowos this is fine I’m just gonna ramble

Thing I remembered: I always have to write Emerson’s story through Finley’s eyes and Finley’s story through Emerson’s eyes. If that makes sense. We understand each person’s growth through how they interact with each other

I’m sorry that only makes sense in my head lmao

I need a villain lmao. WHO/WHAT is the antagonist this time? To begin with… who was the antagonist of TOL even?? Help I forgot how to Novel Write

Other thing I remembered: Finley is designed as Jonas’s mirror but like. In reverse. So since Jonas never invested himself in Max and Addie’s lives, Finley WILL. Jonas was in it for publicity, Finley will be totally fine flying under the radar as long as his jobs get done

In that vein, we should explore Max’s life a bit more. And Nico’s tbh. We’ve met Finley and Emerson; it’s time to meet their families!

I need to figure out what the state of the DSS prison scene is. I currently have it written as some kind of solitary confinement system but that… I can’t do a whole lot of novel plotting with that, you know?

The Finley & Aiden friendship! That’ll be interesting to explore. Maybe make it a trio and throw Max in there too. Quartet? Add Nico?

AIDEN ACCIDENTALLY BEING AN ASSHOLE. He’s just really worried about how to interact with this cute girl he’s met bc they’re both DSS employees… spends the majority of his time asking Emerson for advice… forgets to ever ask how she’s holding up (answer: badly)

The first time Finley witnesses this exchange between Aiden and Emerson he’s like “oh my god you’re so fucking stupid shut UP I’ll help with your girl problems but leave emerson alone”

NO WAIT

Remember how in TOL it was like… “hey emerson pls fake date me so addie doesn’t get expelled.” Now it’s “hey Aiden lemme give you some advice about girls so you can stop bothering emerson about it.” Why is Finley obsessed with everyone’s love life

Which is complicated bc.. maybe emerson hated that they didn’t have any other topics of conversation ever but also… it was the only thing that made her feel NEEDED recently

Oh my god wait! Season 4 Hinata = Emerson okay I can work with this. (This is more of a personal note lol anyway moving on)

If anyone has read The Queen’s Thief (like the whole series), I’m thinking of playing Finley like Gen. like he looks like he’s not doing anything and being a total fool and BAM at one point he sets something off that shows everything up to this point has been part of his elaborate plan

Skdksksdk that involves a lot of outlining on my part lmao

Oh! Exes to lovers! They’re not technically exes but given the circumstances, theyre relatively there. So I think some of the dynamics are kinda close to exes to lovers

#this is a long post and I will be adding to it lmao #also do you like the return of the old pfp? lol

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paradigmsofbrittaperry · 3 years

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ik not everyone here follows me for my fics and not everyone who follows my fics follows me here, but this seemed the most convenient place to post this so here goes!!

basically, I think I’m going to put all of my current long projects on an official hiatus. the long story short is that I’m returning to work next week, move out and start college in a month, and will want to dedicate my free time to catching up with/meeting new people on campus. it feels reductive and shitty to say that it’s because I’m growing up, but that’s really the case here. it’s not to say that I’ll never write fic again - quite the opposite, since I’ve been enjoying writing shorter, more experimental things so much lately! but recently, things like plotting out RCOALS and turning my ideas into content have been bringing me less and less joy. I basically had to force myself to write the most recent chapter of RCOALS, at which point I realized I should take a break. once a hobby becomes a chore, it’s time to step back. I waited to formally announce this just because I hadn’t formally decided yet and was hoping that my motivation to write would miraculously return. it hasn’t, especially as my excitement for my job/school/seeing humans on a regular basis/etc. has increased. for now, this hiatus applies to RCOALS, this slope is treacherous (my nickjess s1 fic), the David Nadisones fic (which...I forgot about until very recently sooo), and my Annie/Rachel series (which hasn’t received an update in months anyway). RCOALS is the one that I think has the largest following of all fics mentioned, and for the past several months, it’s been my little baby that I’ve watched sprout legs and run (if that’s not too weird of a metaphor to use). writing it has genuinely brought me so much joy, and I think that comes across quite clearly in how it’s written, so I’d hate to push myself to come up with mediocre chapters that lack the love and passion that’s in those that came before it. my goal is, if nothing else, to write a new chapter before this November, which will be the one year anniversary of the first chapter. as for the rest of the projects, I’m just going to play it by ear and attempt to give them all some sort of conclusion, even if it means wrapping them up earlier than intended. with RCOALS, I don’t feel too bad about pausing it at this particular spot, since Jeff and Britta are finally together and have been for two chapters, so at least it shouldn’t be a massive cliffhanger. I know that the people who always leave comments and talk to me about my fics are very kind and understanding, so I felt like I owed you an official announcement instead of potentially months with no updates. I think this got very rambly because I’m not good at brevity (as I’m sure you know if you’ve read anything I’ve ever written) so the tl;dr is that my long fics are on an official hiatus as of right now, but I’m planning to give them all a proper conclusion when I have the time and motivation!! thanks if you read this far, thanks if you’ve ever supported my work, and thanks for understanding.

#this is a post meant for like seven people phrased like it's meant for hundreds or more but i'm too lazy to rewrite it #anyway!! posting this feels like taking a weight off my shoulders which tells me it's for sure the right thing to do #bri speaks

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mego42 · 3 years

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#like I don’t care about press generally #but when it says stuff I like I care a lot .... SO RELATABLE 😂😂😂😂😂😂 how many times have I read something that makes me so mad and I’m like oh that’s crap they’re lying they don’t know what they’re talking about and then they go and say something Brio positive and I’m like YES YES that’s what I’m talking about I love these people they’re going to give us exactly what we want.

hahahahahah YES EXACTLY. listen when it comes to cast/showrunner interviews, the percentage of attention i pay to them basically breaks down to the following:

cast interviews: 0-3% the 3 being only when they say something I like, otherwise I ignore cast interviews entirely, actors are coming at the story from a completely different headspace and tbqhhhhhhh their POV is like, the least important bc they aren’t shaping the story, they’re just finding a space to live in it. not only that, but their POV isn’t necessarily even grounded in reality bc they are playing fictional people who do fictional things and while i am not personally 100% on this one, i hear fiction and reality are very different things.

ex a: matthew with dean, of course he’s going to say sympathetic things about the character, he has to live in his head and make him believable, you can’t do that if you don’t find a point of empathy and understanding. do i think matthew supports everything dean does? no, he seems like a super stand up dude and tbh i love him a lot so like, bias and all. but of course he’s going to defend dean, his literal job is to be dean and any good actor will tell you you can’t do that well without finding something to connect with which brings me tooooooo

ex b: manny with rio! i remember there was an interview thing i saw awhile back where he was talking about rio as this guy who is doing what he does to take care of his family and he’s modeling the character on people who lived around him growing up (forgive me it’s been awhile, i’m paraphrasing so idk if this is 100%) and rio’s human, he’s not all bad or all good which i agree with both in terms of the character and like, people in general. but also, dude murders people. dude orders other people to murder people. dude uses terror and very, very real, serious, and again, fatal consequences to keep his control. rio is not a good person, right? like, we all know that right? we would probably not like him in real life, again bc of the murder. i just want to make sure we’re clear on this. THAT SAID, in fiction, as a character, he’s fascinating, well rounded and extremely magnetic and the way manny plays him is fascinating, well rounded and extremely magnetic and a lot of that is because he’s gotten into his head and found a point of connective empathy to build on but when he talks about rio like a good dude with an unconventional job i’m like okay, but murder.

(and as an aside, this is part of why it drives me lowhighkey bonkers how much shit christina gets for the way she talks about beth and dean but that’s a whole other thing please leave me out of it, it just makes me cranky)

the point is, actors? not coming from a remotely audience POV and tbh their opinions on their characters are like probs some of the smallest potatoes when it comes to dictating where the story is going so literally who cares if they’re saying something you don’t like.

showrunner/producer interviews: 13-27% again, the 27 going to when i like what they say, 13 for when i don’t but i’m still curious how they’re framing the ep/season/whatever. bc i am a nerd and like knowing how people think about their work vs how i feel about it bc i think that’s interesting

the thing about showrunner interviews is, like actor interviews, they’re working with a completely different POV than the audience. they know what they’re planning and writing towards and also what they want the audience to be currently thinking about and also what they want to say to prime the audience to react to stuff hey know is coming. trying to predict shit based on showrunner interviews is like trying to play a game of three dimensional chess from inside the board against someone outside of it and also you’re in two dimensions. it’s pointless and most likely just gonna give you a headache.

not only that but creating a thing is a really really really different experience from absorbing a thing. to do it in a satisfying way, you can’t just focus on the stuff you like or the stuff you don’t like comes through, drags the rest of it down and it’s a bummer for everyone. much like actor stuff, you have to find a way to connect with every part of your story to ensure it’s all getting the care and focus required to make it sing for your audience but unlike the actor stuff, you’re doing this on 16 additional levels.

and finally, look, sometimes (oftentimes) the showrunner is going to like and care about different stuff about the show than random audience member #473, tumblr user dianepleasesitonmyface or reddit user redditisafuckingcesspoolohmygodwhyareyouonthereloveyourself (and all three of those might have v dif priorities too) and they’re allowed to feel that way AND write for that because..........drumroll please...........it’s their show.

basically showrunners are going to do and say what they’re going to do and say and sometimes it’s going to be ridiculously problematic and they should be roasted until the end of time for it, but a lot of times it just is what it is. it’s not worth getting worked up over bc literally what are you going to do about it except bum yourself out over something you don’t have anywhere near enough puzzle pieces to even accurately asses anyway.

my b apparently i had less of a short breakdown and more a pile of thoughts, feelings and baggage i wanted to ramble out.

tl;dr: i've been trapped in my house like a sewer rat for over a year, i don’t care what matthew or manny or christina or jenna want me to think or feel about the show bc they are not the boss of me thanks for coming to my ted talk i guess.

#i too am shocked i did not answer this with a funny gif and go on about my day #apparently i've been sitting on some stuff hahahaha #not to be all i'm an Old but i am in fact an Old and please @ god trust me when i say it is not worth your emotional energy #unless of course someone says something fucked up #(see a certain IG for example)#then you should absolutely fucking roast them #but otherwise i've found it's much much nicer to pick and choose the bits you hold on to in a way that pleases you #which of course if you're enjoying being mad then get down with your bad self #just do me a favor and anti tag so i can mute it #/ monologue #BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED NONSENSE I SWEAR #cool? cool good talk #gg related #gg promo #shut up meg

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lpwrites · 3 years

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Hello!! I would love to hear more of your thoughts about MCU!Howard Stark and how poorly he was represented in IM2 compared to Marvel’s Agent Carter and Cap1! And I love the indulgent Howard Atark fic you wrote! I’ll gleefully read more if you post any more!

Hello friend!!! Thank you for asking!! You caught me at the best time since I am sleep deprived and Ready to Ramble. Also forgive me if there’s some things I miss, I haven’t actually watched any marvel content in a while so this is all from memory. @dw-writes can probably correct me on things too. Also I’m gonna go as chronologically as possible, so forgive me for that too.

So here’s the thing: the Howard Stark we see in the MCU and the Howard Stark that we are Told About (and arguably that fandom has latched onto) seem to be two completely different characters, and I blame J0ss Wh3d0n for it completely.

tl;dr: Howard Stark the character isn’t as much of an asshole as people seem to think he is, and “abuser asshole Howard Stark” seems to have evolved from a few throwaway lines and the echo chamber of fandom.

In Cap1, we are introduced to Howard Stark, genius inventor and playboy. It’s not unlike the introduction we got of Tony in IM1 (and honestly in my opinion it’s kinda funny how fandom thinks Tony’s a woobie babie and Howard is a monster considering their characters start off the same). We see him at the science expo, he kisses one of the Stark Girls on stage, and his car doesn’t fly.

The next time we see him is in his involvement in Project Rebirth. He’s not fucking around, because obviously this is an important project, but he’s ready to pull the plug when it seems Steve’s in trouble. Logistically, if they had killed Steve’s trial, plus the failure at the expo? Howard Stark’s name and brand would have been in the gutter. But it works! There’s congratulations all around, the nurse comes up behind him to help Steve and Howard does Nothing because he’s a womanizer but he’s able to focus on what’s important.

Next we see Howard properly is after Steve goes overseas, where Howard takes on the gadget guy role, for the most part. He’s support, and when he flies Steve and Peggy over Azzano to save the 107th, even his flirting is minimal? It’s casual ‘hey let’s get dinner after this’ even though Steve misunderstands. He’s not a dick about it, he’s still focused on the job, he reminds Steve that he has backup and that once he gets his job done they’ll be there to help him out.

Afterwards, Steve and Howard have a pretty normal conversation; Howard explains what fondue means and doesn’t seem to hold it against him, though if it had been another movie/another writer/another time, I could very easily see it being a fight or ~tension~ for drama, having two guys fight over a lady. Instead we see them chatting and having a perfectly casual conversation. Howard doesn’t even make fun of Steve for not understanding, which, if he was as much of a dick as people seem to think, would be on brand, right?

Aside from the period-typical sexism, Howard’s focused on work and distinctly says “I concentrate on my work, which at the moment means making sure you and your men don’t get killed.” I would argue that this shows more about Howard’s personality and morals than some of the other scenes, because while they’re in the lab and Howard is showing Steve what he’s come up with, he’s not performing to anyone. He didn’t have to pretend to care about how he’s perceived because it’s just him and Steve. Yeah, it’s his job, but he indulges Steve and to some extent the Howlies because he’s going out of his way to custom make uniforms to their specifications that will ALSO keep them alive. (This is probably also why he tries so hard to find Steve after, because it was his JOB to keep him alive and he failed in his eyes.)

One of the things that hit me while writing this is that when Howard finds the tesseract, he Knows what it is, he Knows what it could mean for himself and his company and the world, but once it’s secured he tells the crew to keep looking. If he were a greedier person or even a Bad Person, I’d think that finding Steve after hitting the jackpot like that wouldn’t be a priority. Not even that, but there’s no wreckage, and the energy signature stops at the tesseract, but he keeps looking. And I believe we know from Agent Carter that he’s using his own money and resources to find Steve, so it’s not even a matter of ‘the government needs their asset back’ or scientific curiosity over what’s left of the Valkyrie, it’s just? He wants to do the right thing.

In Agent Carter: We get to see more of Howard’s personality. He’s still a womanizer, and it’s used for comedic effect whenever he makes Jarvis deal with it (which to a degree mirrors what Pepper was doing for Tony in IM1 at least), but he respects Peggy and genuinely considers her a trusted friend. He knows she’s more than capable as a person and as an agent, and is why he asks for her help in Season 1. He is self-aware; when he lies to her about Steve’s blood he knows he fucked up, and while it doesn’t justify him being a dick, it didn’t come off as malicious in the scene. It was a shitty move, but it doesn’t break their friendship, and her reaction doesn’t mean he stops respecting her. He gives her the choice he hadn’t given her initially, and Peggy spills Steve’s blood in the river. Their friendship carries on to Season 2, and they very obviously trust one another despite occasional gags.

(I’m not sure what happened with Season 2, as far as writers or producers go, but it felt like they played up Howard being untoward towards Peggy, but only in very specific scenes? And I only mention it because in similar situations in Season 1 they didn’t, so I’m going to assume it was a change in writing staff that thought it’d be funny. It’s not consistent enough for me to call it a character trait, since we don’t see it that much that regularly, so I’m gonna chalk that up to bad writing.

I like Howard’s characterization in Agent Carter overall because I feel like it really shines a light where in IM1 and further you mostly get hearsay. (That’s not to say that Tony isn’t justified in his feelings, and I’m not victim blaming or shaming. Abuse towards children is very serious and it leaves lasting impressions through adulthood.)

Chronologically this brings us to Iron Man 2, and I feel like what most people will point to as Howard’s A+ Parenting; the film Tony watches has a scene where Howard’s doing a presentation on the Stark Expo, and little Tony pops up to play with the diorama, making Howard snap to put things back and call for his mother to take him away. An assistant swoops in and pulls Tony out of shot.

Here’s the thing though? He doesn’t really yell at Tony? Is he sharper than he should be? Sure, but it’s not because of Tony, because we see Howard already frustrated before Tony appears in the scene. Also, especially nowadays that people are working from home we’ve seen a lot of Surprise Kid Appearances, so it’s not super weird to me that calling for his wife or someone was Howard’s reaction? There’s a time and place for everything, after all.

The message he leaves for Tony in that same scene is also a little bit truer to AC!Howard if you ask me? It’s a Howard that understands his limitations but believes that there’s hope for the future, in this case Tony. I feel like in a lot of fic especially that I’ve seen, Howard’s really arrogant and dismissive and has a kind of ‘Only I Can Do This’ narcissistic personality but in everything I’ve named so far, he’s clearly aware of his limitations.

Full disclosure, I didn’t watch Ant-Man, but I did see the clip Howard appeared in, and he’s a dick for lying but he’s not The Antagonist, and again seems to understand his limitations re: Hank Pym and what he can and can’t do for the sake of “progress.”

There’s the one scene in Civil War that we see of Tony interacting with his parents, and since we see it from Tony’s eyes, it feels a little like it’s coming from an unreliable narrator, but also he was 21. I was snappy to my overbearing parents when I was around that age. Howard is just as sarcastic as Tony is, and frankly it’s probably where Tony gets it from. Rude, but not hugely terrible. And clearly from this scene, whatever vitriol or whatever latent rage Tony has about his dad, he understands to a certain point. He says “I love you and I know you did the best you could.”

You kind of carry the same feeling across in Iron Man 1; I distinctly remember watching IM1 with @dw-writes after having seen IM2 and 3? And the Avengers being ready to find the Root Cause of Howard Hate but?? In all of Tony’s interactions in IM1 he doesn’t really sound like he really holds a grudge towards Howard. In fact, if I remember right there’s parts where he’s distinctly proud of his dad. There really wasn’t a whole lot in IM1 that tells us that Howard was a HUGE DICK to his son and was ABUSIVE and SHITTY.

NOW. This is where we get to The Avengers and J0ss Wh3d0n and the reason why, post Avengers, we get all this shitty Howard Characterization.

In The Avengers, Steve and Tony in particular have a shitty start, aggravated by the Tesseract.

Part of it is Steve is one week into 70 years into the future and he’s clearly still grieving, but also, in Steve’s timeline, how long ago was it that he saw Howard? The guy that’s helping keep him and his team safe? He’s trying to roll with the punches but seeing this guy (who’s older than him, older than Howard was) claim to be his son, and do the grandstanding performances of being a “superhero”? Who doesn’t seem to have any regard for the people around him? Yeah, of course that’s gonna aggravate him.

Part of it is Tony is distinctly aware that this guy is a legend, and his dad talked about him all the time, and clearly Howard regretted not being able to bring Steve back, that’s a hangup that must have affected Tony, BUT. But.

There is that ONE scene in The Avengers (and youtube is failing me bc I wanted to quote it) but it amounts to Tony saying "That's the guy my dad never shut up about? Wondering if they shouldn't have kept him on ice." implying that Howard cared more about Steve than he did Tony. ((SPECIAL THANK YOU TO MORI FOR COMING IN CLUTCH ON THAT QUOTE))

I personally think that + the antagonistic relationship Steve and Tony have made the fandom collectively assume Howard was a shitty abusive neglectful dad For Reasons. Reason being that before The Avengers, we hadn’t really seen that, chronologically speaking. Agent Carter hadn’t come out yet, but like I mentioned, Howard’s characterization there and in Cap 1 is WILDLY different than what we are Told by present day characters.

Could it be plausible that Tony was neglected? Sure, of course it can; it would explain why he’s consistently written as being closer to his mom than his dad. But, and that’s a big ‘but’, that’s what we’ve been Told. All of the in canon MCU characterizations we’ve seen of Howard don’t really show that Up Until The Avengers. IM2 does have a little blame, but to me the scenes we see don’t feel like the condemnation that the fandom seems to have made it.

So. I know I missed a lot, and I haven’t bothered to see any of the Phase 3 MCU movies bc I don’t particularly Care, but I really do hate how they’ve taken some shitty implications and made them Word of God.

(This also doesn’t include the comics, bc I believe Howard is a piece of shit n the comics. This is all based on MCU characterization.)

I hope! I answered your question! and I apologize profusely for that word vomit. <3

#howard stark #marvel #mcu #meta #howard stark meta #groovyfluxie

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cutesilyo · 3 years

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Don’t know if you’re still full of energy to answer this ask but what do you think Nation-tans are or what they represent? i personally love how Hima made them so humane they’re able to entertain themselves with little pleasures like owning pets and— and the likes. And they work under their government but, oftentimes have opinions that aren’t politically driven, because propaganda can’t be the quintessence of being a nation-tan, their identity is also be with culture and ppl.

omg chiring-art i admire you so much and i admire every single piece of art you do so i am personally so EXCITED to answering this ask for you. ill try my best to answer this with care.

this ended up pretty long though, sorry! tl;dr: i think nations represent culture more than their government, and they take government jobs because its convenient. i also feel like nations are intrinsically connected to human perception of them and disconnected from linear time

my idea of the nations is an amalgamation of stuff other hetalia fans have said, the few interpretations we can get from canon, and things i’ve read concerning other mythologies and monsters. there is a stark political and legal delineation between the terms “nation” and “state”: a nation being the cultural identity shared by a group of people living in the same borders, while a state is literally just territory with a sovereign government. i certainly think the nations represent, well, their nation — the totality of it, the land and the culture and the history and the people — more than their governments, primarily because himaruya bases their personalities mainly on national stereotypes (which are derived from history and culture) and not on political, governmental action. it’s why hetalia, despite the subject matter, can be as light and comedic as it is: the focus isn’t on history enacted by a wacky cast of characters, but rather on a wacky cast of characters that just so happen to embody history.

on why the nations usually work under their governments, i always felt like it was out of convenience’s sake on the nation’s part. national governments will usually be involved in any major event that requires foreign relations, and national governments have the ability to reach out to every single little city, town, county, province in the nation. the breadth of government to, by necessity, be connected to every kind of sector — women, children, workers, media, education, business, transportation, military, healthcare, trade, law, the poor, science, environment and resources, oil, energy, and a PLETHORA of other things — means that, for a nation, it’s easy to use those connections to be placed in a job that they’re actually personally interested in. and for the government itself, it’s very convenient to a) have their nation in a workplace they have direct control over, and b) nations being fickle and developing different interests over time, and thus trying to go to different jobs or locations, means that the government has an “insider” that can informally, quickly, and honestly report on how this specific workforce or location is doing and if they have any concerns to forward without going through bureaucracy and red tape. so like, america will request to be placed as an engineer for NASA, and he has monthly calls with his assigned federal agent where he can say stuff like “oh yeah, we’re a little low on morale because the boss is going through a rough divorce, we need a referral for a nearby therapist stat. also johnson here wants to follow-up on the radiators he’s been requesting for three years now so a bump on that would be lit” it’s a win/win situation most of the time, but i do feel like there are some nations who don’t trust their governments enough for such an arrangement, or just want to live simple lives outside of their nation duties with no work or need for such connections.

but i digress. i guess the heart of the question is really: what even are nations?

i struggled a lot in how to word this, honestly. nations are, well, the physical representations of the culture, history, territory, and people of a nation — we all know that. but i feel the question needs to be taken to a deeper level so we can search for a more conclusive answer. history tells us that nations fall and unite and form and change and expand and crumble over time, so what determines what the nations in hetalia represent? when does a nation die and get replaced by a new nation-tan, and when does a nation just adapt and represent what they’ve developed into? in the meta-sense, we know its because hima is adapting the nations based on our current, modern understanding of history: we know which nations/kingdoms/empires stand the test of time and which don’t, so we have an idea on which ones are “relevant” enough to be their own separate character and which don’t. whatever force in hetalia that serves as the in-universe explanation for which nation-tans exist must have the same understanding.

it’d be tempting to pin this force as fate or god or some other otherworldly being, but nations are fundamentally human constructs, and i’m a lot more interested in how that works. i read a short story before about a conversation between a human and a vampire, and the vampire says something like, “we used to be fine under the sun, but then humanity began believing that it was one of our weaknesses, and since then we've been crumbling under its light. whatever story you tell about us shapes us.” i think the same mechanism applies for which nation-tans exist and the personalities of the nation-tans themselves, and in a broader sense, it also explains why the nations are basically just normal people that don’t die. people write about nations as people all the time; not even just counting personifications like uncle sam and lady britannia, but also poetry and art of nations (represented by normal humans) doing normal people things like crying, working, dancing, etc.

but this mechanism would also have to be one that exists outside of time: 14th century england has to carry with him the conceptions and stereotypes that 21st century modern society associates with england, for example. the nature of being a nation demands that you cannot be governed by time in the same way that humans are, and it explains why nations are immortal, why they have their own rules for aging, why their sense of time is off, why humans go crazy when exposed to them over long periods of time, why animals develop longer lifespans when nations develop bonds with them, and why anachronistic one-off jokes like america trying to use google in the 40s can happen.

im really not sure how to end this because i feel like i can ramble on forever. but to sum it all up, nations are basically a metaphysical nightmare!

#chiring-art #asks #this was the FIRST thing i saw when i woke up so i am so EXCITED #i feel like i didnt say anything new though lmao #okAY OKAY BUT WHAT IF #what if in the biological sense nations are literally just people but every cell is a cancer cell #and their blood has no antigens or antibodies so their blood type is essentially [REDACTED]#THIS MAKES NO BIOLOGICAL SENSE LMAO BUT THEYRE NATIONS SO #you know i actually dont know how to add tags to answered asks before i post them.......

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mediaevalmusereads · 3 years

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The Only Good Indians. By Stephen Graham Jones. New York: Little, Brown Books, 2017.

Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Genre: literary fiction, horror (?)

Part of a Series? No

Summary: The creeping horror of Paul Tremblay meets Tommy Orange’s There There in a dark novel of revenge, cultural identity, and the cost of breaking from tradition in this latest novel from the Jordan Peele of horror literature, Stephen Graham Jones. Seamlessly blending classic horror and a dramatic narrative with sharp social commentary, The Only Good Indians follows four American Indian men after a disturbing event from their youth puts them in a desperate struggle for their lives. Tracked by an entity bent on revenge, these childhood friends are helpless as the culture and traditions they left behind catch up to them in a violent, vengeful way.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: blood, gore, animal death, violence

Overview: A friend who teaches horror fiction at the college level recommended this book to me, and I had fairly high expectations. I love a creepy novel, and I was looking forward to an Indigenous horror story that played with some of the tropes I was accustomed to seeing. Unfortunately for me, I had mixed feelings when I turned the final page. While some scenes were definitely evocative, and I liked some of the imagery, I ultimately wanted more of a sense of dread. I also found Jones’s prose style to be hit or miss (depending on the section), so as a result, this book is a 3-star read for me. Readers who enjoy horror, however, might like this a little more than I did. I’m admittedly a little picky when it comes to the genre.

Writing: Jones’s prose seemed to work really well for me at times and really hold me back at others. Especially towards the beginning, I personally found it hard to follow, in part because it felt like Jones was using a lot of slang I didn’t understand along with some unclear syntax here and there. There were also some sentences that felt like they were rambling, and while I think Jones was going for was a kind of laid-back style that imitates speech patterns, and that may work for some, it didn’t always work for me.

There were moments, however, when the laid-back style really set the mood of a particular scene. I think Jones’s rambling sentences and casual tone helped illustrate what life feels like for characters struggling not to become Native stereotypes, and I liked seeing the characters in their day-to-day lives (before the horror happens).

There were moments in these types of scenes, however, where I felt like Jones relied on a lot of telling over showing. Sometimes, Jones describes a character or object or event and then he’ll give a sentence or two of backstory or explain the significance of the thing, or else reference something that happens off-page or in the past, and it felt like I was being asked to absorb that significance right away so that the events in the moment had more meaning. I understand that a lot of these references are meant to evoke a kind of lived experience or “realistic” vibe, and overall, it wasn’t an overwhelming problem. I just happened to notice some sentences here and there.

Plot: This book primarily follows four friends as they are “hunted” down by a vengeful elk spirit (?). Without giving anything away, I will say that I didn’t quite feel an overwhelming sense of dread while reading, and I think it’s because I didn’t feel the psychological impact of the horror or past event. While characters were definitely affected by creepy images and phenomena, and there were probably some cultural implications that went over my head, I ultimately didn’t feel like the characters were mentally or psychologically affected by what happened in the past. Maybe I could say something about Lewis’ paranoia - and indeed, I think that was well done. But the others... not so much.

I also think the pacing felt a little off, and events didn’t really build on one another. While I did like reading about the characters’ everyday lives, it ultimately felt like I was reading literary fiction punctuated by a gory scene here and there. I’m picky about my horror, though, so this criticism might be personal preference. As a piece of literary fiction, this book would have absolutely worked for me. As horror, not so much.

Aside from that, there were moments where I thought characters ended up in situations or did certain things that weren’t wholly believable, and it made me think that Jones was writing them so plot things could happen. For example, in part two, Cass’s girlfriend, Jo, is hiding under the truck for some reason (did she see the elk spirit? We don’t actually know), and doesn’t come out when she hears Cass and Gabe fighting. She needs to be under the truck for something to happen (which I won’t spoil), and it just felt odd to me.

Characters: This book primarily follows 4 characters’ POV: Lewis (in part one), Gabe and Cass (part two), and Gabe’s daughter, Denorah (part 3). Personally, I found the character studies (rather than the horror plot) to be the best parts of this book.

Lewis is interesting in that he’s left the reservation and tried to make a life for himself with a white woman. I liked that he had his quirks - he liked to read trashy fantasy novels and worked on his motorcycle a lot - and I liked that his paranoia about the elk spirit created a kind of tension in the narrative. While reading his perspective, I wasn’t sure if the elk spirit was literal or something Lewis made up to symbolize his guilt, and I think Jones did a good job showing that Lewis’s paranoia made him think and act in strange ways.

Gabe and Cass are also well-developed in that they have their own lives on the reservation, but struggle to keep their head above water, so to speak. I appreciated getting a glimpse into what challenges they faced and how some of those challenges come from a clash between “traditional” and “modern/contemporary” culture. While I didn’t quite find Gabe and Cass as interesting as Lewis (in part because they barely remember the event from the past that triggers this whole “vengeful elk spirit” plot), they weren’t bad characters by any means. I liked Cass’s focus on horses and his plans for a future with Jo; and I also liked Gabe’s complicated relationship with his daughter.

Denorah was sympathetic in that she had some very clear goals for her life, and as a reader, I wanted very much for her to achieve those goals. She loves basketball, and readers can see that in the way she acts and thinks. But as much as I liked Denorah, I think her section (part 3) tended to drag out a little bit, perhaps because Denorah comes face-to-face with the elk spirit and the spirit’s vengeance felt a little misdirected. I also think the book as a whole ended somewhat abruptly; because the book ends with Denorah, I wanted a little more from her, like a commentary on the past and how she takes the pain of the past and uses it to move forward. Instead, it felt a little like a bunch of bad things happened at random, and there wasn’t much of a “lesson” (not that books need them, but I’m picky about my horror - I like the scary things to comment on something).

Supporting characters such as Lewis’s wife (Peta), Lewis’s coworker (Shaney), Cass’s girlfriend (Jo), etc. were likewise well-written and seemed complex. I don’t have much to say about them without giving away plot points, but I do think they served their purposes.

The elk spirit was... complicated. As a character, I didn’t really connect with her, despite Jones writing a couple of chapters from her POV. While I understand the desire for vengeance, I didn’t really feel it in my bones, so all the violence in the book that the spirit commits feels random and superficial. I think I would have connected with the spirit more if Jones had included more passages from her POV, getting us to empathize with her pain a little more or at least providing some kind of commentary on the rights of nature or something. But this might be personal preference, so take this criticism with a grain of salt.

TL;DR: Despite a lack of dread or suspense, The Only Good Indians is a welcome addition to the horror genre, using spooky, disturbing imagery to underline the struggle of four Blackfeet characters trying to make a life for themselves. While die-hard horror fans might find this book lacking, Jones’s novel will absolutely appeal to literary fiction readers, as the character studies are the strongest and most compelling parts of the book.

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