#i know that whole movie is kind of a chaotic awkward mess- but its fun!! XD and- sam ellioth!?? and d a g !?????

[slashingdisneypasta]

Hello fellow children's animated-animal-villain-crush havers! Yes, you Scar-lovers. You Shere Khan lovers. Tamatoa lovers. N'ever After Wolf lovers, come on. And- Even you, the Toon Patrol lovers. I mean no, he doesn't have a stylish suit or a snappy hat but he does walk on two legs so I thiink he counts as semi anthropomorphic at least if that helps.

Why haven't we talked about Dag in Barnyard yet?

[quackisinnit]

What Dream, George, Sapnap, Karl, Quackity, c!Techno, Wilbur would get you for Valentine's Day

Note: probabaly the biggest headcanon i've ever wrote KDSHJS i'll only do this when theres a speacual occasion. sorry it came out so late!!

Genre: fluff, romantic, irl and in-game, gender neutural, they/them

Warnings: none

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Dream

Heart Shaped Balloons and Flowers

he would bring you to a fancy restaurant

like he would go all out

anyways

he gives you the gifts like before you leave the restaurant

he payed for the check

and he just stands up and says "wait here, i'll just get something real quick from the car"

you're so confused cause like

he already brought you to a fancy place?? what other surprise does he have for you

and he comes in with the balloons and flowers

and you're all like

"dream you're too sweet, i'm gonna cry"

"aww no dont cry D:"

when he gives it to you he kisses your cheek and say some romantic stuff

"i love you so much y/n"

"i'm so grateful for you, thank you for sticking withme theough thick and thin"

George

Chocolates and A Teddy Bear

you would both be at home

just hangin out

cause why go out if you can just stay at home an watch movies together??

he'd even make you pick the movie

which is pretty rare

cause in his words,

"you always pick the worst movies"

"wdym??? i pick the best movies D:<"

and while watching

he gets up and you dont really expect anything

cause yaknow he could be going to the rest room

and when he comes back,

he calls out to you, gifts in hand

"y/n,"

you then look at him and he smiles at you

"happy valentines day:)"

and he'd give you the tightest hug in the world

"aw george thank you, you're the best"

"i know😏"

"oh shut up"

Sapnap

A Big Teddy Bear and Flowers

he would try to plan something big

like a big banner with "happy valentines day!", lots of flowers, etc

but he couldn't cause he was busy:((

and a few days before valentines day he'd just buy you flowers

he planned to give it to you before you wake up

so he woke up earlier than you

he tried to make breakfast for you

but he was so nervous so it was pretty hard

like he would be trying to make you some eggs but heended up burning them on accident

in the end he just made you a sandwhich

when he went in you were still alseep

and after a few minutes of deciding,

he called dream LMAOO

"DREAM HELP WHAT DO I DO"

"JUST WAKE THEM UP"

and so he did

you were greeted with a very happy and nervous sapnap

"happy valentine's day:)"

and he'd give you the flowers and sandwhich

later on in the day you both went to a carnival and win you a big teddy bear in one of the games

cause he felt bad for just getting flowers djshsj

Karl

Cupcakes and A Teddy Bear

he'd first greet you in the morning by peppering your face with kisses and handing you the bear

"here you go love, happy valentines day"

and he'd be all giggly that day too

for the next surprise

he would make this a bonding experience

like you would both make the cupcakes

maybe even make a contest and see who makes the better cupacakes

and it'd be so much fun

he'd throw flour at you, try to mess up the color of your icing by adding more food color in it, etc

like you'd be mixing and he just comes up behind you and probabaly throws an egg at your head LMAOO

"okay so i nee-" you feel something hard hit your head and then hear a cracking sound

you turn around to see that karl has thrown an egg at your head

but it didnt break, it only broke when it finally hit the ground

"oh karl you're in for it now-"

you'd be throwing different ingredients at eachother

maybe even spoons and spatulas

"HA get recked y/-" he pauses

"y/n."

"did you just hit my head with a fork?"

"... maybe"

just really chaotic honestly

and cleaning up would be pretty hard

like there would be flour and icing everywhere

but the whole experince was fun<3

Quackity

Flowers and Song/Poem

he'd be stressed about it

like "will they like it?" "is it good enough??"

just lots of thoughts racing through his head

when he gives it (the flowers) to you

his hands would be sweaty

he clears his throat and gets a piece of paper from his pocket

and its the poem

he starts readibg the lines

(spoiler, its a joke poem)

"y/n, the first time i saw you, i pissed my pants"

"and i like ants"

or somethimg like that KSJAK

he'd just say stupid stuff to make you laugh

then after that comes the real gift

the song

this man makes his own song and tune

nothing was taken from the internet

like he wrote the lyrics himself and the tune

and he'd sing it seriously

when done with the song, he looks at you

"did you like it??"

"like it?" you scoffed

his heart fucking STOPS

"i loved it:)"

and he'd just let a sigh of relief

"dont ever pull that shit again i thought you hated it >:()"

Techno

Going on Picnic and Poem

at first he wouldn't know what to give you tbh

he'd be asking phil what to give you

"phil what should i give y/n?"

and phil would help him

"just give them anything, i'm sure they'll love whatever you get"

"but phil what if-"

he'd want something good enough for you

like he doesn't want to get you just flowers

it needs to be something better than that

but at the same time he's just too lazy to plan anything that big

so he just decided on going on a simple picnic

and he also decided to write you a poem

so you're picnic takes face in a large field

in the middle of nowhere

"techno, where are we?"

"you'll see"

you both to a hill where you find a blanket and a basket, filled with various kinds of food and drinks

"aww techno, thank you. you're so sweet:D"

and he'd be all flustered

"yeah but its just a picnic.."

you both sat down and just talked about things

and before you left he told you he had one more surprise

he reaches to the bottom of the basket where a paper lays

he gets it and begins reading it to you

spoiler alert, its the poem

when he's done, just like quackity, he looks at you

"did,, did you like it?????"

"i loved it techno" and you peck him on the lips

and techno?

boom, his heart explodes

"i'm glad you liked it"

he's so awkward and flustered brrr

Wilbur

Chocolates and a Song

with the song he just speedran it

but at the same time he didnt

like he made the tune quickly

but he took a long time with the lyrics

trying to find the perfect words

but it was hard

because you were so perfect and lovely to him

also cause you were always around him

and you might see what he was doing:((

obviously that would ruin the surprise

so he tried his best to keep it a a secret

and he was able to do it

soon valentines day came

and he sang his song to you

in a blanket fort he made

out of chairs, blankets, and pillows

the fort was filled with stuffed animals, snacks, drinks etc

anything you could think of, it was probably there JSJAJSJ

and if you had a pet

they would just be chilling in the fort

he sang his song there

after, he gave you choclates

cause why not??

he loves you so much so why not more gifts???

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (◠‿◠✿)

hiya!! can i pls get a matchup for ikesen, if its ok? 💞

bi girl i prefer guys! ambiverted intp, gryffindor, n true neutral. i have an older twin sis n i love/hate her sm lmao!!

i have medium-length straight-ish black hair (w/ a side bang to the right) & dark brown eyes!! im 5'5-ish, fun fact: im a filipina!

sooo im a complex daydreamer!! i NEED attention/affirmation or ill feel unwanted/sad. emotional scorpio, im quite sensitive. anxiety, i overthink too much! quiet w/ people im not close w/. easily annoyed but guilty after ‘cause im soft-hearted. im like half funny/playful/kind & half deep/mature/awkward- hopeless romantic! i have a way w/ words, sorta poetic? i wanna be the best! sorta socially anxious, i have a fear of judgement. im not innocent but ppl think i am at first. i look fine but deep down im a big mess. rlly smart & knowledgable. vv passionate, big nerd actually! im like a kid w/ my twin but w/ others im more mature. im the type to do fun stuff and loosen up but would also just cuddle and have long convos. im vv good w/ technology! very imaginative, i come up with stories a lot- around others im very quiet because i literally have no idea what to say. actually a big history fanatic, hehe. i act confident but im not rlly, actually vv insecure and i regret a lot of things.

a habit of mine is that i tend to drift away and just… think? i also tend to care a lot abt my appearance! i get competative but there are also times when im just chill. i get vv embarrassed when i lose control tho n i regret it sm :(( i have loads of trouble asking for help even if i like to help others a lot! i like being organised but i tend to be… chaotic.

hsjsh- fun fact: there are times where im just,, super hyper n say the weirdest things? im good in school but,, im lazy yknow- i love math (surprisingly, i got a natural talent?), science (esp abt stars n space), history, and english (actually my 2nd languange but im very fluent) the most. bilingual but im also learnin french! wanna learn latin too tho but id break down- i have the fear of the unknown, failure, n loneliness! im scared of the future cause its beyond human ability to know,, the only guys ive rlly talked to r family members so my awkwardness goes 100x hsjsjs

oh, i rlly love affection, but i need a lot of space too, tho! girls gotta have privacy- games r a hUge part of my life, so is technology and the modern era! i actually like sports too- not very good at em tho :((

some likes: gaming, jokes (esp corny/stupid/puns), space, stars, weapons (esp swords/guns), philosophy, psychology, testing myself, affection, animals, doing exhilirating things, music, movies, books, writing, astrology, astronomy, learning new things, & mythology.

some dislikes: too much heat, school presentations, creepy dolls, being under pressure, dirty things, blind faith, & annoying people.

tysm! omg i hope this isnt too long- i think this is too long?? yIkes i hope that this is ok!! love ur writing btw! stay safe 💞

Hi hi love! thank you so much for the request! You sound like a wonderful person and omw it soooo cool that you have a twin! I actually think she sent in a request right after you did lol! Anyways sorry for making you wait sooooo long and i hope you enjoy it! @x-joie-x

 So i match you with...................... Mitsuhide

The first time you meet this sneki boy, you were quiet and reserved. War council had just ended and you were named as a princess of the Oda forces. You were super socially awkward, and anxiety was slowly starting to creep in, as the curious warlords started to surround you. It wasn’t until Mitsuhide had pulled you away in a teasing manner to save you from the crowd that you finally started to calm down. He had noticed this new little mouse had been on edge since arriving. However, he didn’t suspect you of being an assassin or spy as, during the whole council, your hands shook, and you could barely speak up against Nobunaga’s demanding and commanding tones. 

Mitsuhide had found you incredibly amusing from the first moment you walked in, you caught this foxes eye. He didn’t know if it was the innocence or naïve purity that just seemed to radiate from you, but for some reason when he was looking at you, he found that he simply couldn’t look away.

It took all of one day for all the warlords to officially drop all suspicions of you. You were just such a sweetheart how could they not instantly love you and feel the need to protect you. You had started helping a few of the maids that first morning after you were named princess. You didn’t want to be a freeloader, so you worked hard to earn your keep and soon, the maids were fighting over who would get to work with you cause all of then just loved and adored you so much. 

You got annoyed with Hideyoshi when he first found you helping the maids, as he was 100% started micromanaging you. You lost you cool and raised your voice at him, TBH Hideyoshi didn’t think anything of it, but it wasn’t until you had pitched up at his manor an hour later to apologize for being so rude to him that he realized what a sweet and sensitive person you truly were. Of course from that moment onward you had gained yourself a big doting brother.

All the Oda forces agreed that you were too sweet and naïve for your own good, so Mitsuhude was assigned to give you princess lesson to prepare you for your new life as Oda princess. You were super excited when Mitsuhide had told you that he was going to teach you a variety topics such as economics, politics, history and self-defence. You even managed to impress the sneki boy, by getting all the questions correct on the first test he had handed you. You had found that first test incredibly easy as you were a bit of a history buff, and all the questions had been based on Nobunaga’s history. This low key shook the sliver kitsune a little bit, as this proved that not only were you pure and naive but you were also super smart. You kind of reminded him a little bit of Mitsunari, a cleaver professor with their head in the clouds. 

Mitushide praised you for your ability to pick up on concepts quickly and work diligently as a student, “I dare say little one, you are the best student a teacher could ask for.” You spend masses amount of time with sneki boi, and through that time you realized just how sweet Mitsuhide truly was, although he was a massive tease leaving you a blushy mess almost every day after lessons with his teasing comments. And naturally, the more time Mitsuhide had spent with you, the more in love he fell. It was also noted by the fellow warlords that, Mitsuhide always wore a soft gentle expression when it came to you, and in your experience he had been a kind gentle patient teacher. SO naturally you found yourself more and more drawn to this mysterious man.

Through all the time spent with the kitsune, you found yourself opening up more and more. He was one of the few people that got to see your playful side. You now would make the puniest, corniest jokes he has ever heard, leaving this kitsune in a fit of laughter mid-way through a lecture. Not only that, but he loved loved loved your competitiveness side. 

This side of you slowly started to surface after the 3rd or 4th self-defence lesson when you started challenging the kitsune to rematches whenever he would pin you down, ultimately beating you in your little makeshift sword fight. Boy oh boy, don’t even get me started on the shooting lessons, once you were able to fire the rifle, you were straight-up challenging this boy, the best marksmen around to a shoot-off. “Come on Mitsuhide, the first one to get 100 bulls-eyes in a row wins, and the loser has to buy tea.” Needless to say, you always lost and even though every day you would make that exact bet, Mitsuhide would always insist on sticking you for tea and lunch as reward for being such a good student. 

He really enjoyed spending time with you and would absolutely insist on holding your hands whenever the two of you were on your way to the tea house together after your lessons. “I can’t have my clumsy little mouse tripping and falling now can I.” Every day without fail, he would say that to you as he wraps his big hand around your small one, while leading you to your favourite tea house.

The two of you would talk about everything and anything over tea, these topics ranged from you making stupid jokes, to talking about random topics such as philosophy and psychology. Either way, Mitsuhide loved to spend time with you. He would always listen to and hang on to every word you said, storing every word in his memory. 

You were his precious little mouse, and he knew you were an extremely sensitive creature. If anyone dared say a single bad word to you or make you sad, they would face the wrath of this very protective kitsune. Like one time, one of the visiting daimyos had talked down to you for accidentally bumped into him. You were busy cleaning the windows when you accidentally lost your balance and bumped into him. He was so disgusted that a mere maid had touched him. He started yelling at you and insulting you, this escalated to such a point that he even had his hand raised ready to hit you for getting dirty window water on his shoes. That’s when sneki boi decided to intervene. Mitsuhide legit stood protectively in front of you with his rifle pointed at the man’s heart, with the full intention to shoot. “Golly me it appears like you are quite the troublesome little mouse, my dear.” He then turned his sharp gaze towards the daimyo “I do suggest you apologize to the Oda princess, lest you want to answer for your crimes directly to Nobunaga.” The man simply scoffed and walked away. Mitsuhide then turned to you and enveloped you in a warm hug while kissing the top of your head, “Are you alright, my dear little mouse?” Mitsuhide looked into your beautiful eyes and gently took your hands in his, “Come little one, I have something I wish to show you.”

The two of you walked hand in hand to Mitsuhide’s manor, Mitsuhide led you out into his garden, where you saw something so beautiful you could cry. The garden was filled with flowers and candles and in the centre was a table set up, with a feast laid out op top of it. 

Mitsihide had told you that night that he was hopelessly in love with you. He was overjoyed when he had discovered that you like him, was also a hopeless romantic and that you had an incredibly poetic, romantic way with words. You handed him a letter in which you had expressed your feelings for him in the form of a beautifully written poem. You were actually intending to leave the poem on his desk as a way of confessing your feelings. This instantly melted sneki bois heart into a giant puddle and he couldn’t help but pull you in for a sweet kiss. 

After diner Mitsuhide had led you deeper into the garden where a fluffy blankie was sprawled out on the grass, he guided you to sit down and the motioned for you to lookup. Above you, a thousand stares were shooting across the sky in a big meteor shower. Mitsuhide pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheeks as the two of you watched the sky. He always remembered every detail you had told him about yourself, so when you revealed that you loved the sky and the stars, he knew he had to incorporate this rare meteor shower in your date somehow. 

This had sparked a new tradition between the two of you, to stargaze and spend the whole night in deep conversation. These nights were full of love and affection as Mitsuhide would pull you into his lap and just hold you there for hours and hours as the two of you talked and watched the sky

Of course sneki boi also had a bit of a spontaneous side, and would take you on exhilarating trips around Nobunaga’s territories. They were mostly missions but after you had nagged Nobunaga to give you permission to go along on the missions, you and Mitsuhide would finish the official work asap so that the two of you cuties had plenty of time to enjoy yourself in the new environment.

Mitsuhide loves everything about you from your slight messiness, to your love of learning new things. He also knows that his sweet little mouse sometimes needs some space and alone time and will be sure to give you as much alone time as you need to recharge. He knows that you will seek him out when you have had enough of your own company. He will always welcome you back with outstretched arms when you have had enough alone time, and shower you with endless amounts of affection.

Whenever you are feeling insecure or worrying about the future Mitsuhide is right there by your side, whispering words of affection and reassurance in your ears. He makes sure to remind you every day just how perfect you are and just how much he loves you. 

Often you can be found in sneki boys lap with your head resting comfortably in the crook of his neck as he soothingly strokes your hair. Don’t be surprised if this sneaky kitsune drops a few kissed on your nose, cheeks or lips during these quiet and peaceful moments, just as a way to convey how much he loves and adores you.

Other potential matches……………..Masamune 

I hope you enjoyed it dear and i hope you have the best day! 

[moviediary]

Grease 2

So, this movie kind of slaps in the worst way ever. You have to watch it with the knowledge that it’s terrible, it makes it a lot better. The songs are pretty underrated, a lot of them are low key bops and I would probably listen to them without watching the movie. It’s a product of its time so of course it’s aggressively heteronormative even though the main guys are very queer coded just like most 80s movies. The main girl is a fine singer, but her character is kind of boring and really just an ass most of the time. She also has no business being in a movie about the 50s (or maybe the 60s it’s not very clear) she is so obviously a quintessential 80s chick from her hair to her leather pants, she’s basically Sandy’s makeover as a person. In my opinion the main love interest could have done a lot better. He spends the whole movie doing the reverse of the first movie, going from geek to biker??? Yeah, they all ride motorcycles now, but they’re still called T-Birds which really doesn’t make sense but nothing in this movie really does. Oh! And Frenchy is in it, she came back to high school to complete her chemistry credits?? The whole movie is a mess but honestly, I enjoy watching it. I’ll watch it again, I already have.

Basically it’s the first movie but gender swapped and with a talent show and biker gangs.

The T-Birds really make this movie, they’re the most interesting characters in it. Their leader Johnny is funny and likeable despite being a dick, he has very obvious vulnerability and growth during the film which makes the audience not hate him. His goons are hilarious, they have some of the best lines in the movie and I actually laughed out loud at some of the shit they said. I could do without the gratuitous sexualization of high schoolers but what can you do. I don’t really understand why they have beef with this 20-person biker gang of full-grown adults that apparently have nothing better to do than antagonize 4 teenagers but hey I get it they need a common enemy. I also get that they were going for anger and jealousy when Johnny looked at Michael every time he was being his sexy mysterious biker persona but maybe they should have told him that because that definitely isn’t what’s coming across in his face. He has the biggest man crush I have ever seen I swear.

Michael, who is apparently Sandy’s cousin even though he’s British and she was Australian, really drives the story; everything happens because he wants to date Stephanie even though the only real conversations, they’ve had are just him being nice and her being a dick the whole time but I guess she’s pretty? So he becomes a biker to be what she wants because she wouldn’t date a hot smart guy with a British accent, no way he’s a loser. I guess. So instead he spends the whole movie trying to live up to her standards which is more than a little infuriating but lets be honest the plot isn’t really why you watch this movie. It really only starts happening in the 3rd act anyway, most of it is taken up by talent show hijinks and motorcycle themed music numbers. And a surprising amount of bowling. I wasn’t expecting the coolest kids in school to have their own bowling league but that bold choice did lead to a very confusing but fun musical number in which we see that Johnny sings high sometimes because he’s basically Danny in even tighter pants (somehow) and Paulette (a pink lady played by Judy Garland’s daughter) has an amazing voice that doesn’t get used enough in the songs.

There’s a lot of odd running gags in the movie that really don’t need to be there. Rhonda’s obsession with her “huge nose” even though it’s really not that big. The random teacher that had a nervous breakdown and keeps almost dying. The teacher whose whole gimmick is that she’s hot and maybe sleeping with her students? But definitely sleeping with the substitute teacher. The fact that Johnny’s right-hand man’s name is Goose? A reference to a movie that hadn’t even come out when this movie take place? I think anyway, like I said it’s really hard to pinpoint when this movie is supposed to take place. Also the T-Birds are on the football team I think? Or they’re running drills during PE which also doesn’t make sense with their characters. I don’t know man the whole movie is so strange they say stuff and then never bring it up again.

The ending is where I think the movie really lets you down. After a very weird talent show scene Where Steph has a very boring song and is all sad because she thinks Michael is dead, they have a party. And the party is a Luau and it’s quite possible one of the whitest things I’ve ever seen its so embarrassing. They have a long song about how they’re having a Luau and then they have a bunch of shirtless guys carry Steph and Johnny into a pool on a big throne/raft thing? And then the biker gang bursts in because they have nothing better to do and everyone’s screaming and throwing things it’s very chaotic. The continuity errors in this scene are absolutely outrageous. Then Michael shows up out of nowhere and Johnny literally quivers when he sees him (yeah he’s straight) and he singlehandedly kicks out all those hardened criminals. Then there’s a very long and awkward moment where they initiate Michael into the T-Birds even though school is basically over at this point and then Steph and Michael make out. One of my most hated scene tropes in movies, the very intimate confession and make out in the middle of a crowd. And then finally we have the last song of the movie in which Steph and Michael start off with a duet and their voices sound terrible together (it’s a sign and I refuse to believe otherwise) and then everyone else joins in and they try way too hard to tie up all the character’s storylines even though as the audience you weren’t really all that invested in greaser number three and pink lady number three’s sex life and most of these things didn’t really need to be sung out loud they were pretty minor parts of the movie. And oh, okay, everyone now ends up in a relationship even Paulette’s younger sister who I thought was in like, middle school but now I guess she’s dating the dumb guy from the T-Birds but they’re all seniors?? Okay…yeah, the ending fucking sucks it’s the worst part. The song is long and boring, and the choreography is bad but then they recap a bunch of the better songs during the credits and it’s all fine again!

Overall, the movie isn’t nearly as bad as I’ve heard other people say, I’ve seen much worse. And the thing is, the bad parts are kinda what makes it great in the first place. It’s kind of like when they made mean girls 2. It’s not really a sequel because non of the actually important characters are in it (except for Frenchy but she’s only there for like 10 minutes tops). It’s a cash grab but not the worst one. The songs are fun, and the characters are pretty fucking funny if you ignore how weird it is that they’re all like 30. I’d say watch it if it’s free to stream, don’t rent it. I probably get more out of it than a normal sane person because I read into character’s and their emotional connections way too much I basically am rewriting it in my head. I doubt anyone would be interested but I definitely broke down all the characters and their motivations and tried to figure out their actions, also known as me trying to create queer characters off of very unstable reasoning. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, the people in this movie are pretty hot and most of the songs kinda slap so even if the plot is questionable other things make up for it.

As of now this movie is available for streaming on Amazon prime.

Final Verdict:

On my scale 7/10

Actual good movie scale 4/10

[lucyreviewcy]

6 Underground (2019) Dir. Michael Bay

Billionaire Ryan Reynolds fakes his own death and pulls together a team of agents in order to organise a coup in an imaginary country (which is not imaginary in the context of the film.) 

I love Ryan Reynolds. I love that I have never once come out of a movie knowing his character’s name unless it was a plot point (big shout out for Drew Paxton in The Proposal, a name I only remember because there’s a whole scene where all the shops have the Paxton name on them.) I love that if I had a tan coloured pencil I could colour in a portrait of him because his hair, skin, and eyes are somehow the same colour. I love that his movies all sit on a scale from 1 to Deadpool, a scale that combines levels of sarcasm, pop-culture references and falsetto singing and divides them by three to indicate the overall Deadpool quotient (Detective Pikachu = 8/10 Deadpools, Safe House = 2/10 Deadpools). 

However, even my love for Ryan Reynolds, which was born in 2009 and has flourished over the last ten years, was not enough to make 6 Underground a good movie. 

For reference, in this movie Reynolds is at a comfortable 5/10 Deadpools. Unfortunately his persona, acting style and everything else about him grates with the earnest, serious nature of his dialogue. The tone of 6 Underground is equal parts inspirational speeches about family spoken over swelling string music and unwatchably long action sequences. There is also the inevitable awkward quipping thrown in like fresh coriander on a curry (it doesn’t need to be there, it adds nothing, and it leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.)

Let me start at the beginning. 

The opening action sequence is a car chase in which all the characters are introduced with numbered titles instead of names. They’re introduced in the wrong numerical order, which is confusing, and then later they’re introduced again with flashbacks. Dear Mr. Bay, please pick a way of introducing your characters and run with it. Perhaps, Mr. Bay, you were scared by the overlong introduction sequence that was the first three hundred hours of Suicide Squad. Don’t worry!  You can just introduce the characters once, in a snappy way. The audience will get it. Really. We will understand. 

This action sequence has Bay’s trademark chaotic style and goes on for what feels like a decade. Despite an evident fear of introducing the characters in one way and ending up with a movie that feels like Suicide Squad, Bay has managed to create an action sequence that is less interesting than the opening sequence of Suicide Squad. That’s really hard to do. 

Bay then absolutely dunks the Suicide Squad comparison by having the characters describe themselves as “a family” at a point that is much too early in the film for any of the audience to care. We’ve spent fifteen nauseous minutes with these people in a car shouting at each other, interspersed with powerpoint slides telling us their number and silly nickname. We don’t think they’re a family, and we aren’t interested in their relationships. 

The story actually begins at this point, with a passable scene introducing the character of Seven. This sequence makes sense and introduces the character in a compelling way that allows the audience to understand his personality, background and motivation. Once this is established, Reynolds appears and asks Seven to join the team. So the first fifteen minutes were really kind of unnecessary. If you’re watching at home, maybe just skip that bit. 

The film continues in a messy, uneven way, trying to be Ocean’s Eleven, The A-Team and Smokin’ Aces and continuing to land back in the Suicide Squad bucket. The characters, with the exception of Seven, are poorly developed and never stray beyond stereotype territory. One of the team nearly dies, Reynolds’ character insists he’s left behind, he isn’t. This happens twice. To the same character. That’s not a character arc, that’s a circle. 

The female characters have basically no input into the story, and the only time that one of them has a significant amount of dialogue she’s only wearing her underwear. She’s also posed awkwardly to conceal the non-existent bullet wound that she sustained earlier in the story and the director evidently forgot about until the day of shooting. 

There is a lot wrong with this movie. I have a deep love for adrenaline-fuelled-thrill-ride movies like The Fast and the Furious franchise. There is room in my heart for a movie that has the aesthetic of 6 Underground, but I didn’t enjoy a single second of this particular instance. The one scene that could have won me over, where Reynolds does a terrible Scottish accent, falls flat when it ends in unnecessary crude humour that is inconsistent with the rest of the film. Crude humour has its place, (I’ll never forget the night I decided to show Out Cold to my boyfriend’s parents and looked on in horror as I remembered how much of the movie is about different things happening to Zach Galifianakis’ penis. To clarify, the movie is fun but showing it to my boyfriend’s parents was inadvisable.), but this film didn’t make any room for crude humor or the many sarcastic self-referential jokes in the script. 

I hate to say it but the core issue with this film is that it’s not a Ryan Reynolds movie. Reynolds has backed himself into a corner with his trademark delivery, which renders anything he says in a “genuine” tone of voice immediately sarcastic and laugh-worthy. The moralising, preachiness of his character in 6 Underground butts up against his established star persona throughout the film, resulting in an uncomfortable watch. There are actors out there who could have carried this off. With Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the lead, 6 Underground might have worked. As it is, they tried to fit a Deadpool shaped peg into a D”TR”J shaped hole, and the result is an almost unwatchable mess. 

[toph-enough]

Get to know TOPH BEIFONG who’s TWENTY-TWO years old. She is from TEXAS and is often times mistaken for LANA CONDOR while others say she reminds them of TOPH from AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER.

Headcanons

Toph has light and shadow perception. If she’s inside, she can tell where the light sources are coming from, and can tell if something passes in front of a light and get sort of a blobby sense of its shape from the shadow.

Toph has a guide dog named Badger. He’s a black lab, and she’s had him for two years. She much prefers using him than a cane. It feels more freeing and independent, and looks less obvious at first.

She’ll tell people her favorite color is green, even though she’s never seen it. She likes what it stands for, though. And hearing that its the colors of grass and leaves makes it all the more intriguing to her.

Toph doesn’t mind people asking her questions about being blind, it’s just when they’re stupid questions that she gets a little annoyed. Like “if you’re blind, how do you do blank”. The answer is usually something like “I didn’t know you needed to see to be able to do that.”

She knows people forget she’s blind sometimes and honestly, that’s how she prefers it. If they make comments about how the look or they try to show her something, she’ll usually just make a joke about it. She doesn’t take any of it too seriously because she’s not really that serious of a person.

Young at heart, Toph can be seen as childish at times, not really thinking about the consequences of her actions or comments.

She loves being outside and around nature. She loves the sounds and the smell of it.

Growing up in Texas, her family owned a farm. Well, her grandparents did. But they’d visit a lot. She loved being around all the animals, and she would just play in the dirt when she was a kid. This always worried her parents, so instead she started to do it in secret. She got her grandmother in on it, too. So if her parents asked her what they’d been doing all day, her grandmother would say they were inside watching TV or reading.

Toph had an instructor growing up, someone who taught her how to do things on her own. She hated him. He coddled her more than her parents. He never let her go past basic things, even though Toph was much more advanced than that.

She can’t swim, she never had a reason to learn. That doesn’t mean she won’t go to the beach or pool with her friends, it just means if she gets in the water, she’s not going very deep. And she does know how to tread water, just enough so she doesn’t drown. Her parents made someone teacher her how to do that after a scare at a neighbor's pool when she fell in.

Growing up, her family was wealthy. They were able to hire the best tutors and helpers for her. They were able to buy all the little necessities for their home to keep Toph safe.

She doesn’t know what yet, but Toph wants to accomplish something big in her life. She wants to be remembered. Not as the Beifong’s blind daughter, but as Toph, the first blind something. Or, heck, maybe it doesn’t even have to do with the fact she’s blind. She just knows she’s going to do something. And whatever it is, it’s going to be big.

Fun Facts

Toph has a tattoo on her left arm that says “Fuck Off” in Braille. She just likes the idea of it. Some people ask her why she would get a tattoo if she can’t see it and she just holds up her arm in response.

She loves action movies and superhero movies.

She likes to fight and gets annoyed when people won’t fight her because she’s blind.

Toph is bisexual.

She loves food, she’ll eat almost anything. And the spicier the better. She loves it when something feels like it’s just kicked you in the face.

Toph wears shoes with thin soles since her earthbending powers help her sense (“see”) things. She has one pair of shoes that she ripped the bottom off of so she looks like shes wearing shoes. She does wear socks with those shoes though because she doesn’t want to step in something gross or have it be too obvious what she’s doing.

Earthbending

Toph practices often. She isn’t shy about her powers. She throws rocks at people for fun. She loves going to the park and sitting on the ground and just pressing her hands to the dirt. It’s like she can see everyone out there having fun.

She can feel the vibrations of people’s steps and movements. When she wears normal shoes she can only sense a persons footsteps very lightly. She can “see” about up to their ankle. If she’s wearing thin shoes, she can see a person walking up to almost their knee. If shes wearing only socks she can get a better sense of their height and weight and how heavy their steps are or what kind of shoes they’re wearing. But if it’s her hands she puts on the ground and focuses, she can practically “sees” the outline of a whole person. The positions of their arms and head. The heavier the object or the more vibrations it causes, the easier it is for her to see. So wearing normal shoes and walking down the street sometimes she barely sees children’s footsteps or animals hopping around.

She practices not only “seeing” with her earthbending, but also manipulating the earth as often as she can. When she’s really practicing, she’ll go into the middle of the woods with Badger and practice around there. However if she knows she wants to try more extreme things, she’ll just take her cane and leave Badger at home because she wouldn’t want to risk his safety.

Is always trying new techniques and ways to earthbend.

Connections

Sokka Hakoda - Someone she loves having around. He’s like one of her best friends and someone she really enjoys pulling pranks with. Toph doesn’t mind being a little more open with him about her emotions and such, but she always makes it clear if he tells anyone else, she’ll punch him. And even for all the teasing she does, Sokka is her favorite person and being a little mean to people is how she shows affection.

Zuko Ozai - She’s friends with him. He’s a little awkward at times but she does enjoy hanging out with him.

Badger - her service dog, a black lab, and her best friend. She always has him with her. He means the world to her and he’s not just her best friend and her pet, but he’s her freedom to walk around and go places without feeling like she’s going to get lost or need to ask people for help.

Wanted Connections

Fight club - people willing to spar with toph. She loves MMA and loves to fight. She would also love a teacher to help her get better.

Friends - Toph needs friends that can either be the opposite of her or a lot like her. They can cause trouble together or someone to balance out her chaotic nature. Honestly she just needs friends of any shape and sort.

Fling - just someone Toph has maybe messed around with. Doesn’t have to be serious and doesn’t have to be something that is still going on. It was/ is more about having fun than actual feelings.

Betrayal - Toph is slow to open up, but she found someone (either a friend or a romantic partner) that she almost immediately felt like she could trust. So she opened up. But then something happened and they used her vulnerability against her or they grew apart and fell apart. And because of this Toph always thinks of them as someone who broke her heart and broke her trust. And someone who she wishes to still be friends with/still has feelings for but can’t bring herself to trust again.

Crush/Romance - Someone who either has a crush on her or she has a crush on them. Feelings that are either requited or not. It could lead somewhere or just stay quiet between them. Toph is slow to romance—slow to trust and to love— but she would love to have someone who loves her. It’s always a fear in relationships that she’s being used by her partner to get pity points or that they’re going to baby her. Which she hates the thought of. So to find someone who loves her and doesn’t ask her to take it easy or be careful or treats her like she’s incapable of things, someone she feels safe trusting with all her vulnerable parts, is something that she secretly longs for.

Roommate - for somewhat obvious reasons, Toph doesn’t like living alone. Her roommate could be someone who she’s friends with or someone who she rarely sees but is tolerant enough to help her make dinner and make sure the lights go on and off at the right times.

[creepypocky]

Hiiii! May I have a match-up please? One who is my lover and a best friend one? Thank you!

My sun sign is pisces. My moon is Sagittarius. And my rising is virgo!

I'm a intj my personality is mostly independent, blunt, bold, and chaotic

Im somewhat shy at times definitely when im in love with someone but im also not experienced being in love like tbh its awkward for me but I try to shove it away. Im really kind and a passionate with certain things, im really psychic and it really scares me tbh but I can handle it.

My sense of style is kinda walk it changes every so often bc of my mood but my main style is vamp or romantic goth! I wear rings, jewelry, and some makeup to go with it!

My most favorite animals are bunnies, frogs, lizards, raccoons!! Maybe sharks too? Idk they seem cute & cool to me

My sexuality is so confusing rn but im gonna put myself as biromantic asexual!

Im very picky with my partners of course they don't have to be perfect but im only picky with the way their attitude and actions are! Im a classy type of gal to be respected and not treated like a toy.

I suffer from c-ptsd, major depression, ged anxiety, ocd, anemia and dissociation. I also have allergy asthma ;-; its sucks man but ill fine <33

My hobbies are playing video games, listening to music outside, doing art when I have motivation.

For date ideals are going to the arcade, going outside and looking at the stars, spending time together, watching movies, and going out to party!

Also thank you very much when you get the time to do this I really appreciate the time and effort you put into yout writing! <33

Alright, just woke up and I'm gonna work on this ASAP since I put it off last night, I don't want to be too tired to give you a good post!

Before I get into the matchup, just wanted to say I'm terribly sorry you're going through those health issues both mental and physical. I whole heartedly hope you recover from them soon! Take care of yourself honey!

~~~

|| I match you with: Hoodie! ||

Hoodie is also pretty independent and blunt, he’s a very quiet guy obviously but it’s not because he’s shy it’s mostly because he doesn’t like people. Regardless though, he doesn’t take disrespect from people and he will be blunt with them.

He loves how bold you are, it attracts him a lot along with your independence. I feel like you two are really compatible since he’s just naturally attracted to you without even noticing at times.

When you two get into a relationship, he also shares that kind of shy feeling since he’s in no way whatsoever experienced when it comes to love. But he’ll definitely try his best to make sure you’re always comfortable and will be as slow and chill with you as you need him to be. Remember, this should be a mutual thing.

You a psychic? He’s interested. Tell him all of your predictions hon he’ll spend hours just listening to you go on and on.

He’s honestly pretty indifferent about styles but he thinks yours is cool, he loves seeing you dress up into goth outfits and see how they compliment your form.

Hoodie really loves nature so he also loves going deep into the woods, which means he gets to see all kinds of animals. He’s more than willing to bring you with him to see all the animals you like and see if you two can even get one. He’s... not so sure about sharks. He thinks they’re cool, though.

Don’t even worry, this man always respects you, until you do something shitty to him, that is. But, you’re his and he wants to show you he appreciates you. If anyone ever treats you with disrespect he’s always there to back you up.

This is very important; he is there for you when you’re suffering from those mental illnesses, whether it be to give you advice, calm you down, or just simply listen to you rant to him. He wants you to understand you’re not alone in any way and will always slowly help you get back on your feet. If you’re suffering from an asthma attack, there he’ll be watching over you and helping. Just please make sure to show that contribution back bc pls he’s going through stuff aswell this man is super pent up.

He’s not much of a video game guy but he’ll watch you play, maybe even play with you if you teach him how. Teaching him is kind of funny though tbh because he acts like an old man and doesn’t even understand what the game is even if he watches you play it for hours, lmfaooo.

He does love listening to music though, he likes to listen to music with shared earbuds as you walk in the woods together hand-in-hand. Pls let him watch you do art and show him, he loves watching you work. He finds it super interesting especially since it’s you doing the art. I also canon that he’s trying to learn how to do art and get better at it.

He will 100000000x look at the stars with you babe, you two constantly go out at night and cuddle under a tree just to look at the stars in silence. It’s one of his most favorite things to do with you.

He’s honestly not the best at going into public to do arcades or parties, but he’s willing to try and go out of his comfort zone for you if you ever want to go to them. Pls he just wants to see that smile on your face and have fun with you.

Best friend:

||I match you with: Clockwork! ||

This woman is also blunt and bold, so the two of you make a pretty good pair. She’s very caring once you get to know her and tbh she’s a bit of a mom friend towards you. She’s always checking up on you and making sure you’re doing okay and if you’re not, trust me she gonna coddle you till you feel better.

I canon that she has a bunny so when you two hang she brings him with her and lets you play with him and it’s super wholesome like fjhgjkg. She’ll probably kidnap some frogs for you too so the both of you can mess with them together.

Honey, as long as you respect her she will respect you back. In fact you’re one of the people she respects the most in her life because she loves how strong and kind you are as a person!

If you’re suffering because of your mental illnesses, she’s your go to for advice and/or emotional support. She loves you platonically too much to just let you suffer alone so she’s always by your side and helps you get back up on your feet.

She doesn’t know many games but she’ll play Minecraft and Mario Kart with you from time to time. Honestly sometimes she’ll just call Ben into the room to play some games with you instead of her because she’ll feel like she’s boring to play games with unless you reassure her.

She loves doing art though and seeing your works, she loves to paint and share art ideas with you. She’ll be your main person who gives you motivation to keep doing art and will give you constructive criticism on how to improve.

All in all, she’s a bit blunt and rude at first but is actually extremely caring for you and she’s like one of the most wholesome people to be besties with.

~~~

I hope you enjoyed this matchup hon, as I said earlier, take good care of yourself please. I hope you have an amazing day/night.

Also, thank you so much. <3 I try to put as much effort as I can into my writing even when it’s not the best.