#i like to call them The Worst Crew In The Paradox Space To Ever Crewed

[cringefail-clown]

i think dirk would give up on his evil masterplan like one week into the journey if those three ganged up on him. hed turn the ship back in tears and, once returned, begged dave on his knees to never make him sit in a room alone with those fuckers. thats the seer power for you

[major-fukkup]

Pick 3 items within arm’s reach. Which would your OC grab first to use in self-defense?

If your OC created a tumblr account, what would their username be? What would they blog about?

Which OC is most likely to befriend a live skeleton?

Your OCs are traveling through the vastness of space while a stealthy alien life-form picks crew mates off one by one. How long do they last?

Pick 3 items within arm's reach. Which would your OC grab first to use in self-defense?

Universally, probably my Supernatural lunch bag. It's weighted with art supplies and also has a nice strap to strangle your assailant with. :)

Alternatively my backpack or the free-standing air conditioning unit.

Or my knife of course but I keep that in my pocket 24/7 unless it's in my hand but it is TECHNICALLY within arm's reach.

If your OC created a Tumblr account, what would their username be? What would they blog about?

Agent Aitch would probably just put hers as agent-aitch (with the hyphen). She has nothing to hide, in person or online, and she'd rather have as few different identities as possible.

She'd probably blog mostly photos of the places she's been. She didn't take them for aesthetic value at all but they are absolutely the most aesthetically pleasing photos you have ever seen. Also she'd post positive and uplifting messages.

Victor would absolutely pick a username he thinks is reeeaaally cool, cooler than he will ever be but he's delusional and he also deserves this moment. That or he'd put his cat's name in there somewhere.

Oh never mind he would call it catblades because his two favorite things in the world (besides family) are his cat and mantis blades. He's not allowed to have them but he is basically hyperfixated on them. And he'd probably keep making fan art of his cat as a character with mantis blades. He'd probably end up getting into furry territory and actually being accepted there but he'd be confused as hell about the whole thing yet never bother to ask.

He would also post cityscapes (would be inherently aesthetic but he'd probably find a way to take the worst photos possible, unironically), food (every time he tries something new he makes a whole life update post and it always looks terrible because... he does eat out of trash cans), and of course his cat. He probably live-blogged his experiences for the first few weeks of having a cat.

Also he'd post stuff from whatever fandoms he happened to be into at any given time.

Paradox's username would PROBABLY be para-para-paradox in reference to Paradise by Coldplay (and of course his past, his alternate form called Paradise, his illusory paradise, etc). It would just be too ironic not to use it.

He'd post highly specific really meta original quotes labeled anonymous and highly specific reaction images that ABSOLUTELY NOBODY would understand except the people who were present when IT HAPPENED. Also probably memes and cats.

And also the pains of working fast food when you're a metaphysical being who has to concentrate really hard in order to interact with the physical world.

Ezian would just have a shitposting blog called something with "cool cat" in it.

All his mutuals send him cat memes that he only finds funny in the same way that humans find human memes funny. He relates to them SO MUCH and he completely overlooks the fact that his mutuals are ACTUALLY poking fun at him because... he's... a cat.

Which OC is most likely to befriend a live skeleton?

Agent Aitch! She has. Several of them.

And Ezian of course.

Also Dan and Alex (they have as well) but I haven't posted about them yet so.

Your OCs are traveling through the vastness of space while a stealthy alien life-form picks crew mates off one by one. How long do they last?

Agent Aitch would undoubtedly last the longest mostly because she has the most experience with situations like this. She would come out on top, having either captured the alien (humanely), or appealed to its softer side or sense of reason (assuming it had one or both - if it didn't it's definitely getting captured).

Ezian would just run away until he found himself cornered and then he'd fight the alien literally tooth and nail until one of them was incapacitated (or if he watched it attack someone else he'd also fight it). So, probably not that long. 😂 Unless he won

Victor would probably last a fairly long time because he would just. Hide.

Correction, Paradox would last the ABSOLUTE longest. He'd make the alien regret ever boarding the spaceship. He'd throw it in a time loop and make it relive its own probably gruesome death again and again and again until it begged for mercy and then he'd throw it out the hatch into space.

Omni is a soldier trained specifically to fight aliens so he'd also definitely last a long time, 'til he runs out of ammo or his batteries die or whatever his crazy alien-fighting weapons are powered by runs out, but again I haven't mentioned him before. (Omni is cool I want to bring him back)

I'm trying to think of OCs who WOULDN'T last very long because surviving is boring. Xanji would get had pretty quick if she was alone. Probably Sparkle too.

[ladyseaheart1668]

Endless Summer Book 4 : Daughter of Vaanu (Chapter 41)

Description: Sean and Michelle are finally tying the knot!

Tagging: @mysteli @whatmcsaid @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @endlesshero1122 @feartheendlesssummer @tigerbryn11

Chapter 41: Something Borrowed

Michelle

Quinn, Estela, Zahra, and Craig accompany me and Sean to the airport to meet our friends. It's a necessity as much as a fun Catalyst excursion. We come in three separate cars, because between us, we'll have to get Alodia, Jake, Diego, Varyyn, Mike, Raj, and Lila to where they are going. Originally, Raj and Lila weren't going to be in until tomorrow, but they cut their most recent overseas trip short in order to end up on the same flight from California as our friends.

We arrive at the airport at the right time, at least what was supposed to be the right time according to the arrival times listed online. It takes about twenty extra minutes before we finally get the text that the plane has landed. And then another fifteen before we finally get the message that they're at the baggage carousel.

“Oh, finally!” Quinn squeals. She grabs Estela's hand and drags her off toward the baggage carousel like a little kid. The rest of us rush to keep up. When we reach the carousel, there's a flurry of hugs and shrieking, which in retrospect is probably pretty obnoxious to the other jet-lagged passengers searching for their luggage, but we're all a little too excited to worry about them for a couple minutes.

“Oh my god, Alodia!” Quinn cries, throwing her arms around our heavily pregnant friend from the side. “Look at you!”

“What about me?”

“What are you talking about? You're bigger than you were a month ago!”

“That's kinda how pregnancy works, Craiggers,” Zahra snorts, then goes to grab Diego's left hand. “Ahh, so I see you boys went through with the wedding?”

“Congratulations on that,” Sean says, embracing Diego. “But that was really sneaky the way you did it. You could have at least live-streamed it for us.”

“We have a recording, I promise. But you were all at our actual wedding. And besides, this is your wedding we're supposed to all be focused on now.”

“Ahh! Princess, wait! Let me grab that one, it's heavy!”

“Oh, for pete's sake, Top Gun. I'm pregnant, not infirm.”

“Listen to your husband,” I order her, slipping my arm through hers. “Step away from the carousel and tell your favorite doctor how everything is going.”

She rolls her eyes. “Please tell me you're not going to give me a checkup right in the middle of the airport.”

“Well, I'm not going to put you in stirrups. And if you tell me everything that's going on, I won't take your pulse, either.”

She sighs. “In June, I told you I didn't mind you being alarmist about my health. I am deeply regretting that now.”

“Well, I told you you would. Tell me how you're doing.”

“Babe, don't interrogate her,” Sean scolds me, but he's grinning as he shoulders one of our friends' bags.

“She does have doctors in California,” Raj points out, also helping to collect bags. “And no offense, Michelle, but those doctors specialize in babies and the women who have them.”

“Excuse you! When Grace was having Reggie, I read and studied everything to do with babies and the women who have them!”

“Yeah, but I don't want to talk about that right now! I want to talk about your wedding! I want to see pictures of the bridesmaid dresses! I want to see your dress!”

“I've sent you pictures of the dresses. Many pictures. You helped pick them out.”

“Pfft. Details.”

“Okay, let's compromise here,” Sean laughs. “All medical questions must be confined to the car ride. For now, let's get everyone's bags. Deal?”

“Hey, speaking of Grace,” Jake chimes in, “Aren't we missing a couple of our number?”

“Grace and Aleister are meeting us at the restaurant. They had to sort out childcare first.”

“My mom was supposed to do it,” Sean explains, “But her neighbor had some kind of emergency and she was the only one around to help.”

“Do you know if they've managed to get anyone else?” Varyyn asks.

“In fact they have,” Estela says, smirking a little. “Rochelle Rogers. Tahira's mother.”

* * *

We finally manage to get everyone and their luggage sorted into the three cars. Alodia and Jake are in the car with me and Sean. I have held my tongue for as long as possible, but as soon as the doors are closed and Sean starts the car, I turn back in the passenger seat to look at Alodia.

“Okay, spill. What's the latest on you and the new baby Catalyst?”

Alodia laughs, affectionately rolling her eyes. “Everything's fine, Michelle. I'm a little short of breath, but my OB says that's normal right now, and it's just because I have a baby head pushing into my chest and crowding my lungs.”

I frown. “A head? ...Are you saying the baby hasn't turned yet?”

“Not yet,” she admits.

“But you're thirty-two weeks. She should have turned by now.”

“OB says some babies take longer. In a few weeks, I'll have another ultrasound, and if she hasn't turned, OB says we'll figure out what to do then.”

“Did she tell you what your options are?” Sean asks, looking at her in the rearview mirror. His voice betrays concern, and Alodia rolls her eyes again.

“Now, don't you start worrying, too! It took me days to get this one to calm down.” She reaches over to rub Jake's shoulder. “Look, absolute worst case scenario, I deliver by C-section. Now can we please talk about anything else?”

I meet her eyes. “You know we're only worried because we care, right?”

She smiles and stretches a hand out to me. I accept the offer, curling my fingers around hers. “Of course I know that. But...”

“...But we're probably making you nervous,” Sean suggests, sounding sheepish.

“A little, yeah.”

“And you get quite enough of that from me, doncha, Princess?”

“Right. So let's not talk about my baby right now, unless we're talking about how we're almost done with the nursery. But let's not talk about that, either. Let's talk about the wedding. Sean, do you know what Craig's planned for the bachelor party yet?”

Quinn

Dinner is a festive affair at a local fondu restaurant that lasts well into the night. By the time we all head home, it seems unlikely we'll do anything except fall into bed. There was a bit of good-natured quarreling in the past couple weeks over who would be hosting whom when Raj, Lila, and the California crew came into town. Of course, everyone wants to spend time with everyone else, and no one wants to split up couples if it can be helped. Finally, Raj sorted it out, being the smooth diplomat that he is. Sean and Michelle, being the couple of the hour, were paradoxically not permitted to host anyone. He and Lila would stay with Craig and Zahra. Estela and I would host Varyyn and Diego, while Grace and Aleister would have Alodia, Jake, and Mike, mostly so that Alodia could talk pregnancy and childbirth with Grace.

Estela and I get Diego and Varyyn back to our apartment. It's not fancy, but there's plenty of space, and it's in a good location. Plus, we have Murphy, which is always a plus. He greets Diego and Varyyn enthusiastically when we walk in, leaping into their arms and licking their faces.

“Will Murphy be coming along to the wedding?” Diego asks, scratching the fox vigorously behind the ears.

“Of course! Do you think he'd ever forgive us if we didn't sneak him in?”

“How do you plan to get him on the plane? You know Jake's doing absolutely minimal flying right now with Allie in her present condition. ...Or are you driving?”

“We're taking the train, actually,” Estela explains, hanging up our coats in the front closet. “Neither of us have ever traveled overnight by train before.”

“Ohhhh,” Diego cooes, grinning mischeivously. “That sounds romantic.”

“Well, not as much as you might think,” I laugh. “Unfortunately, there are no double beds in the sleeping cars. But I admit to finding something romantic in the idea of sitting together in the observation car and seeing the country up close as we pass through it. It'll take a few extra days, but lucky for us, our schedules are flexible.”

“It does sound like a very enjoyable way to travel,” Varyyn agrees. He winds his arms around Diego's waist from behind and nuzzles his neck. “But the lack of a bed for two is a little bit off-putting.”

Diego grins, leaning back into the embrace. “We could make it work. We've managed it in hammocks be-before...” He cuts himself off with a large yawn. “Oh, goodness. Speaking of bed...”

“You are worn out, my darling.” Varyyn kisses the top of his husband's head.

“Of course. We'll show you where you can sleep.”

Estela and I make sure the men are settled, then head back to our own room. Estela decides to take a shower. I hear her turn on the water as I slip out of my clothes and into my pajamas. I give her a minute and then knock on the door.

“Can I come in and brush my teeth?” I call through the door.

“Si,” she calls back. I slip into the steaming bathroom, and quickly brush my teeth. I spit, rinse, and then on impulse, I stick my hand around the shower curtain, waving.

“Hello!” I call cheerfully. I hear Estela chuckle, and feel her wet fingers lace through mine.

“Hello, mi sirenita,” she replies indulgently. “How are you?” I release her hand so that she can continue with her shower, but I don't leave just yet.

“I feel good. I had fun at dinner, and I am glad we have Diego and Varyyn staying with us.”

“So am I.”

“I love seeing them together. ...Sometimes, I think that could be us some day...”

“...Only some day?”

I shrug. “Well, we're still a new couple. Feels sort of arrogant to think we can already compare to people who have been together for five years.”

“I suppose you're right. No need to rush ourselves.” She pokes her head around the other end of the curtain. “I'm clean if you want to join me in here before the hot water runs out.”

I smile. “I'm already in my pajamas, sweetheart.”

“So? Last I checked, pajamas can be put on again after you take them off.”  

I can't help laughing. “Your logic is indisputable, and your beauty is irresistable. Scoot over.”

* * *

Based on the look of mild panic on the stylist's face when we walk into the bridal shop, I think it might not exactly be good etiquette for Michelle to bring her entire bridal party to this final fitting. But what was she going to do instead with all the Catalyst women together for just a few days? Leave someone behind? Not likely. Besides, until now, I like to think we've been a model bridal party. We're polite and calm as we enjoy hors d'oeurves and cocktails—fruit juice for Alodia of course—and chat quietly while Alodia tries on her bridesmaid gown.

The gowns are simple but elegant, pale blue chiffon with capped sleeves and flowing skirts. Michelle chose a dress with an empire waist specifically to accommodate Alodia. And when she steps out of the changing room, it's clear Michelle made the right choice. The waistline rests comfortably above her bulge, and the skirt cascades effortlessly to the floor. The stylist exhales with what sounds like relief.

“Oh, that's perfect. Not a lump or a bulge anywhere there isn't supposed to be.”

Alodia chuckles, examining her reflection in the mirrors. “It definitely feels like there's enough room to grow. Chances are I'm gonna be even bigger by the time the wedding rolls around.”

“That's if you haven't had the baby already,” Michelle quips.

“It's a brave choice, to have a maid of honor who's going to be full term at your wedding,” the stylist remarks as she moves for a closer look, pinching the fabric of the dress here and there to check that it all fits.

“I'll still have a few weeks,” Alodia protests, and turns to smile at me. “And of course, there's a back-up maid of honor if my water ends up breaking before the big day. ...But anyway, the dress seems to fit fine.”

“Does it have the bride's approval?”

Michelle gives it a once over, finally nodding with satisfaction. “It's perfect. Now, who else needs any final alterations?”

Jake

Alodia and Grace show off their matching bridesmaid gowns as Aleister, Mike, and I are killing time before we have to get to the bachelor party. We sit spread over the living room of Aleister and Grace's Northbridge apartment as the women strut playfully across the floor like models on a catwalk.

“Gotta say, Princess, I don't know much about dresses, but I know what looks good on my wife, and that definitely looks good on my wife.”

She laughs, coming over to my chair winding an arm around my shoulders.“You'd say that if I were wearing a garbage bag.”

“You bet your sexy ass I would.” I reach around to lightly smack her butt. Aleister can't seem to help rolling his eyes. He stands, taking his wife by the hands and kissing her cheek.

“You look beautiful, darling.”

I look over at Mike, grinning. “You wanna weigh in, kid?”

“Who, me?” He shrugs. “I'm just hoping that no one's gonna end up outshining the bride in those get-ups. And isn't it bad luck to show off the dresses before the wedding?”

“Pretty sure that's just the bride's dress,” Grace clarifies.

“And there's no need to worry about anyone outshining Michelle,” Alodia adds. “Her dress makes her look like a queen.”

“With a princess as her maid of honor.” I take my wife's hand and press my lips to her knuckles. “Perfect.”

“We ought to be going, I think,” Aleister points out. “If we want to be there by seven.”

Alodia looks us over, eyeing our jeans-and-tees attire. “Where is it that you're going?”

“Paintballing. Followed by a bar crawl.”

“Of course Craig would pick something like paintballing,” Grace chuckles.

“But you know Sean's gonna love it, too.”

“True. Well, you boys have fun.”

“And be safe,” Alodia adds. “Do you have a designated driver?”

“No need,” I assure her. “We're taking public transport. I ain't risking my life on the eve of my first kid's birth.”

She smiles fondly down at me, bending to kiss my temple. “You damn well better not.”

Sean

As much as I approve of Craig's idea to go paintballing for my bachelor party, I admit that I'm a little wary of the fact that he invited a couple of my teammates along. Granted, he had my permission beforehand, and it's not like he invited the whole team. Just a couple guys I actually consider friends. Still, now that I'm here with the other Catalysts—and Mike and Varyyn—I'm kinda realizing how little Fernando and Kevin are going to fit in with the others. I guess that's kind of just a side effect of La Huerta and what we experienced there. There's an intimacy to my friendship with the other Catalysts that just isn't going to exist with my teammates, no matter how many games we go through together.

But I guess that isn't really the point right now. Right now, it's all just about having fun. When we're all gathered together, Craig puts his fingers in his mouth and whistles for silence.

“Okay, men! The objective here is paintball! We've got even numbers, so we're gonna split into two teams, my team against Sean's. Everyone line up, 'cause we're gonna go back to P.E. with this one and just pick teams right here.”

“Wait, my team against yours?” I repeat. “You mean we don't get to relive our glory days as Hartfeld Knights side-by-side?”

Craig grins. “Well, come on. It'd hardly be a fair fight if we were on the same side. Besides, groom against best man? How can we resist seeing how that'll go down?”

“Okay, fair enough.”

“Anyway, groom gets first pick, so go ahead.”

“Okay, in that case, I pick Jake.” When my Condors teammates groan incredulously, I shrug at them. “What can I say? I've seen him shoot.”

“Well, if that's your first pick, I'll even the score. Mike, you're with me.”

One by one, we divide our friends between us, winding up in teams of five. Me, Jake, Aleister, Raj, and Fernando against Craig, Mike, Diego, Varyyn, and Kevin.

“All right, everyone to your locker rooms to get your gear and talk strategy.” Craig grins. “Soon as we step out of those locker rooms, all bets are off!”

Grace

Alodia and I have chicken stew for dinner, and then settle in the living room to watch Reggie play with his toys for a little while before he goes to bed. Alodia sits beside him on the floor, perched on her feet, and watches him search methodically through the pile in front of him. Finally, he selects a block, and holds it up to her.

“Bok!” he declares.

“Block?” Alodia repeats.

“Bok!” Reggie confirms, holding it out for her.

“Oh, for me?” She holds out her hand and Reggie carefully places the block on her flat palm. “Thank you.”

Reggie says something that sounds like an attempt at echoing her 'thank you,' and Alodia smiles, which makes him smile back.

“He is so adorable.”

“You're a natural with him,” I remark. “You're going to be a great mommy.”

“I hope so. I'm sure it's completely normal, but I'm already finding myself worrying about her constantly. Worrying about whether she'll like me, whether I actually have it in me to be a mom...”

“That is extremely normal,” I assure her. “...I'm sure Michelle grilled you already, but how has the pregnancy been going?”

Alodia chuckles ruefully. “Grilled me, and gotten herself worked up, too. River's a little late turning head down, so of course Michelle's imagining the worst, even if she tries to hide that she is.”

“That's kind of her job. It's been more than five years, but she's still used to being our only medic. I don't think she really trusts any other doctors with us, but at the same time, she knows she shouldn't be treating her family when there are other doctors available.”

“Not to mention that she's not an OB. ...Was she very panicky when you were having Reggie? I mean, she did mention that she read everything there was to read on childbirth.”

I laugh. “She did. Even though I was in London for most of my pregnancy.” I pause, hesitating for a moment. “I think she might be slightly more panicky with you. Possibly because my pregnancy had a couple complications.”

She looks up sharply. “What kind of complications?”

“Pre-eclampsia. When I was about eight months along, we were just talking on the phone and I mentioned the headaches. She told me to go to the hospital, and sure enough they found the problem. Everything turned out fine,” I assure her, seeing that she's getting nervous. “I had to stay in the hospital for a couple weeks, but they kept it all under control until Reggie was born. He was a little early, but he was big and healthy, and I recovered pretty quickly after he was born.”

“Still...I guess I can see how that would have Michelle on edge now,” she concedes. “But lord knows I'm on edge, too.”

“Of course you are. You're having a baby.”

“...Can I ask you a personal question?”

“You can ask,” I reply with a smile. “Whether or not I will answer depends on what the question is.”

“When you were pregnant...did you and Aleister still have any kind of sex life?”

The question itself doesn't surprise me so much as the implication, especially considering the source.

“Up until I was in the hospital, sure. I mean, we slowed down a little just because I didn't have the stamina that I did before, but we didn't avoid it. Why? Don't tell me Jake is put off by...?”

“Oh, no,” she assures me. “Far from it. Honestly, I think the baby bump turns him on. ...Is that weird?”

I shrug, grinning. “I think you turn him on more than the bump. My guess is that if you've been craving it, he's responding to your desire more than anything.”

“You're probably right. I have actually been really liking pregnancy sex. Enough that I worry about what will happen to me and Jake after the baby is born. I mean...what if having River changes things...?”

“Oh, Alodia. Of course she's going to change things. Having a baby always changes things. Your sex life, the way you and Jake relate to each other...but not your love. The only way that will change is that there'll be more of it. That I can say with confidence.”

“Can you really...?”

“I've seen you together. I've seen you apart. Well, I've seen him apart from you. You're meant for each other.”

She sighs. “Maybe it's only that we've had so little time to just be a husband and wife...”

I can't resist drawing her into a hug. “Sweetie. I don't think there is anything anyone can say that will really stop you from being scared right now. And that's okay. That's totally normal. But you're not going to be alone for any of this. Even if most of us are pretty far away most of the time, you have Diego and Varyyn and Mike living in the same house, and the rest of us are reachable by phone or video chat...”

“I know you're right. About all of it. But it feels better to give voice to some of these fears than pretend they don't exist.”

“Well, tell you what then: why don't you tell me more while we give Reggie a bath?”

Sean

My team wins at paintball. I suspect the other team let us win because I'm the groom, but I can't really prove it. Not that it ultimately matters, of course. For once, it's nice to play a game without it being a job. As much as I love football, the fact that it is my career means it can get mentally exhausting at times. But nothing is exhausting about tonight. Tiring, but not exhausting. At my favorite bar afterwards, I enjoy burgers, fries, and drinks, shoot pool, and play darts with my friends. We're not the only patrons, but we are the largest party. And the loudest. Plus, having me and two other members of the Condors in plain view does excite some people. The quietest anyone gets is when Craig raises a glass and shouts for a toast. Then even the other patron settle down.

“To my buddy, Sean Gayle! Most people know him as the star quarterback of the Condors, but I've known him since he was a college freshman. You would probably never guess he was kinda shy back then...”

“Hey, Drax!” Jake shouts. “Save something for your speech at the wedding!”

Craig laughs heartily. “Okay, okay! Just as long as everyone raises a glass to Sean!”

There's a chorus of cheers, and my party guests—and a few unrelated patrons—raise their glasses. Then Varyyn decides he wants to try his hand at pool again, so most of my friends gather around the table to watch him while I settle into a booth with another bottle of beer. I feel a hand clap me briefly on the shoulder, and then Jake sits down across from me.

“How're you holding up?”

I grin. “I got to play a game without worrying about anyone analyzing my plays afterward, I am the center of attention for something unrelated to football, and I'm with my friends. I'd say I'm in a pretty good place right now.”

“Glad to hear it. Cheers.” He tips his bottle towards me, and I tap the neck with mine. “Gotta say, it's a little weird to be attending your bachelor party with your wedding still a few weeks off.”

“What's weird about it?”

“Well, just all this excitement about you getting married, and then we gotta put it on hold and go back to the daily grind for a few more weeks until we actually get to see it happen.”

“Well, it won't be back to the grind for me. Or Michelle. We've still got preparations to make. ...Speaking of which, how are your preparations coming?”

He grins mischeivously. “You mean for my kid, or your wife's bachelorette party?”

“The former,” I chuckle, rolling my eyes. “What would you know of what Alodia's planning for the bachelorette party?”

“I know Michelle will enjoy it immensely, and it's low-key enough that neither of us are going to be worrying when us men have the beach house to ourselves for a night.” He takes a deep swallow of his drink. “Anyway...we're all set. The nursery's all set up, we've already got the carseat fitted in, and we've got diapers and bottles and clothes enough to get us through a month, at least.”

“Are you nervous?”

He raises an eyebrow. “Are you?”

“Nervous? No. Terrified is more like it. But in a good way.”

“Mmm. Same. ...So, obviously I know where you're having the wedding and the reception, but what kind of ceremony are you planning? Do you have your vows written?”

“Oh, we're not writing our own vows. Everyone does that these days. As rocky as the road to get us to the altar has been, once we're there, we both kinda just want to go with the flow. Let the minister take care of reading the vows, and just say our 'I do's'...”

“You're getting a minister?”

“A Unitarian one. A secular ceremony with a bend toward agnostic spirituality.”

He chuckles. “And you're not going to have a handfasting?”

I can't help laughing. “Honestly? We thought about that. It was an option, actually. But we're settling for a unity candle.” I drop my voice, leaning in slightly. “I know it's not exclusively a Vaanti thing, but it feels Vaanti to us, you know? It wouldn't feel right to have a handfasting with a human minister in California.”

There's a chorus of cheers and applause from near the pool table. We look over, to where Craig is clapping Aleister on the back. Aleister looks very pleased with himself as he chalks his cue.

“I tell you what,” Jake chuckles. “He's the one we should both be talking to. ...The only one who's been through both our situations.”

“Yeah...” I find myself suddenly frowning, just a little. “...Good Lord, when did we grow up?”

Jake snorts. “Please, Cap. I was a grown-up when you met me!” I turn back to him, and he sighs a little. “...But I guess I still had some growing to do. ...I think we all officially grew up when we saw that horizon turn from red to blue.”

“Yeah...but I really kinda like where we are now. I think I like being a grown-up.”

* * *

The next couple weeks seem to go by like a shot. We celebrate Valentine's Day. We see our friends off back to California. I finish out the season. Then, suddenly, we're calling Diego to wish him a happy birthday as we frantically pack the last of our things to head out to California ourselves. In four days, I am going to be married.

Alodia

My heart is racing as I make my way to the baggage carousel with Jake and Diego to meet Sean and Michelle. I grip the strap of my purse with both hands to disguise the way they're trembling.

“Don't say anything,” I murmur to the men beside me. “Either of you.”

“You know I won't,” Jake promises. “...But I think you should.”

“She's going to find out,” Diego says again. “Not from me, but she will.”

“How do you figure?” I ask as if I don't already know.

“Because you're going to tell her. She's going to ask, and you're going to tell her, because if you try to pretend nothing's amiss, she'll know you're lying and imagine the worst case scenario, and you know she doesn't need that stress right now.”

“She doesn't need to stress about me at all! That's not what she should be worried about!”

“Exactly. So, tell her the truth.” He smiles sympathetically, gently elbowing me. “Just make it sound as routine and NBD as possible. Say it with a smile and a nonchalant tone, maybe she'll buy it.”

“Oh, it's that simple, is it?”

He shrugs. “Heck if I know.”

I roll my eyes. “Very helpful.”

I think I was resolved to not actually say anything, but it turns out, Diego was right. I probably knew he was right all along about how it would play out. Just like he predicted, as soon as hugs and greetings are exchanged, Michelle pulls back to look down at my belly.

“How is baby? Has she turned yet?”

I make myself smile and roll my eyes. “Little madam is a regular gymnast just like her mama, but she hasn't learned to flip. But I have an appointment for a few days after the wedding for them to try to turn her manually.”

“ECV...” Michelle clarifies, nodding. Her brows are knit together with what looks like concern, but it could just be thoughtfulness. “...I guess...I guess your OB must know what she's doing...”

I raise an eyebrow. “Did you just express confidence in my doctor? My doctor who is not you?”

“Well, as much as I might know more about pregnancy and childbirth than your average resident...I suppose I still don't know as much as a fully-qualified OB with years of experience. Besides. I'm getting married in four days. My plate is full enough that I have to let something go if I want to survive my honeymoon.”

I put my hand to my heart, pretending to stagger. “I'm so shocked I might faint! Sean, are you sure you brought Michelle and not her android double?”

“Are you suggesting I check her for wires?”

Michelle rolls her eyes. “Okay, babe, save it for when we're alone. And you--” she wags a finger at me, “--don't make jokes about fainting when that's actually a possibility we're concerned about. Has your doctor at least cleared you to be my maid of honor?”

“Yes. I am absolutely free and clear to be in your wedding, as long as there is a chair for me to sit in at the altar.”

“Yes. Absolutely. It will be done.”

“I never doubted it would be. Now, come on. You're the bride for goodness' sake. From now until the wedding, we're taking care of absolutely everything.”

Michelle

In spite of Alodia's reassurances, I know that she and the others can't actually take care of everything. But they do make it all so much easier. Two days before the wedding, we have the rehearsal, where introductions become necessary as my chosen family meets my blood relatives. There aren't many. Just my mom, my grandparents, and a few cousins. I'm not especially close with any of them, but my grandfather eagerly volunteered himself to perform the duties that would go to my father if I had ever known him—giving me away, dancing with me at the reception—and a couple of my cousins have lent us their kids for a ring-bearer and flower girl. And honestly, I can't say I'm not touched by their gestures. I can't help thinking that if we had waited a few more years, we could have had Reggie and River as our ring-bearer and flower girl, but I know the wait wouldn't have really been worth it. I am much too eager to be Sean's wife.

A couple of Sean's teammates have also flown in for the wedding. There are the two who were at the bachelor party, as well as a couple who are originally from the area. I'm pleased that there doesn't seem to be any drama brewing between any of our guests. My somewhat more conservative grandparents don't even seem phased by the fact that one groomsman and two bridesmaids are involved in same-sex relationships. My mom and Tricia also bond over having been single mothers, and marvel at the fact that they have never met in all the time Sean and I have known each other. Meanwhile, my little cousin Chloe, our flower girl, seems to be nine years old going on sixteen, and charms my bridesmaids with her precocious excitement about her beautiful dress and the fancy hotel she and her parents are staying in, with the fancy staircase in the lobby. At some point during the dinner, she comes skipping up to me, grinning mischeivously.

“I have a secret!” she sings. “Cousin Michelle, I have a secret!”

“Oh? What's that?”

“Can't tell!” she informs me smugly. “It's a secret!”

“Can you give me a hint?”

“...What's the pregnant lady's name?”

I chuckle. “Alodia. My maid of honor.”

“Right. I know what she's planning for your bachelorette party.”

I raise an eyebrow. “What do you know about bachelorette parties?”

“They're parties that the bride and the bridesmaids have before the wedding. Alodia says I can come to part of it.”

“Just the first part,” Alodia clarifies, coming up behind my chair. “She'll like it. And I hope you will, too.”

* * *

The next morning, Alodia gets all us women up early to dress and eat breakfast. Six Catalyst girls, plus Lila, who isn't actually in the wedding party, but we're not about to leave her out of the fun today. Alodia forbids me from putting on any makeup, which doesn't exactly leave a big mystery as to what at least part of the day entails. Not that I mind having the surprise spoiled a little. Sean gets up just as we're getting ready to head out. He stops me for a kiss before heading into breakfast.

“You taste like morning breath,” I tease him. He laughs.

“Sorry. I just thought I should kiss you before you go. Alodia says you won't be back tonight.”

“...We won't?” I raise an eyebrow at Alodia, who grins.

“Don't worry, everything's arranged. Besides, you know it's bad luck if he sees you the night before the wedding.”

Sean winds his arms around me and pulls me against him, pressing his forehead to mine. “The next time I see you, you'll be walking down the aisle toward me in a white dress.”

* * *

A rented limousine takes us to our destination in style. As I was starting to suspect, it's a day spa. What I didn't expect was that it would be attached to an elegant inn—or that Alodia would have booked us a block of suites to spend the night in. I'm even more floored when I see the lineup of services that have been booked for us.

“Alodia, this is amazing! Can you really afford all this?”

She chuckles. “I may be a dance teacher, but don't forget I come from money. Besides, everyone pitched in for this.” She grins. “Enjoy it.”

We start the morning with long massages and luxury facials. Months and months of hospital shifts that have built up in my muscles and joints are eased by the end of an hour and a half, and I of course relish the way my skin tingles under the magic of high quality products. When we all emerge from our treatment rooms feeling gooey and dreamy, Chloe is waiting to join us, and we all sit down to a gourmet lunch of fruit, cheese, finger sandwiches, and mini pastries, all washed down with fruit cocktails and lemon water. We're all together for manicures and pedicures, and then the hair stylists and makeup artists take over.

“I've booked them for tomorrow, too,” Alodia explains. “To do your hair and makeup for the wedding.”

The stylist grins at me. “Honey, we're gonna make sure you're the most beautiful bride in California.”

Sean

It's hard to believe I was in California just a couple months ago for New Year's Eve. Not least because it's seventy-five degrees when the sun's up here while back in Northbridge, we still wake up to frost on the ground. As evening approaches, the guys and I go down to the beach to make a fire and drink beers while we watch the sun set. It's just the Catalysts this time, plus Varyyn and Mike. My teammates are staying at a hotel, and I expressly forbid them from taking me out partying tonight. On my last night as a bachelor, I know who I want to be with.

“I envy you guys,” I remark, watching the sinking sun paint the sky a brilliant array of colors. “To live in a place like this. What a view.”

“You know, Cap, with your salary, you could easily afford a waterfront home.”

“Almost certainly,” I concede. “But I don't think Michelle wants to relocate to California permanently. And waterfront homes in Northbridge don't have nearly the same ambience. Too much city, not enough beach.”

“You could go for a penthouse apartment,” Craig chimes in. “Seriously, you'd never know the Condors' star QB is the one living in your place.”

I shrug. “I like living simply, you know? But...maybe in a year or two. When Michelle and I start having kids. I'll move us all to a beautiful penthouse apartment, with room for us and our kids...and maybe my mom so she can help look after them.”

Jake raises his beer bottle. “To your future, Cap. Yours and Maybelline's and all your little future rugrats.”

“Here, here!” Raj agrees enthusiastically. “It's your last night as a bachelor, Sean. Have any words to mark the occasion?”

“Words? No. I wouldn't mind getting some advice from you guys, though.”

“Anything specific? Or just general advice on the eve of your wedding?”

“Anything you guys can think of. About marriage, relationships...”

“Well, mine's easy,” Jake replies, his voice softening. “Tell her you love her. Every day. Multiple times. ...You never really know when it's gonna be the last time she hears it.”

“Don't be afraid to say when you're feeling insecure,” Diego says. “You're going to have doubts sometimes, but don't keep them to yourself. Whether they're about your relationship, or yourself.”

“Be willing to make sacrifices,” Varyyn adds. “Let things go when you would rather not, because sometimes what it comes down to is that your love is more important.”

“But it's not all hard,” Craig reminds me. “I mean, your life is better for having Michelle in it, or else you wouldn't be marrying her. Don't forget that.”

“Take joy in each other,” Aleister agrees. “Take joy even in the hardships. Even in the things that drive you mad about her. Take joy in her funny little habits.”

Mike shrugs. “Well, I'm single, I don't know what advice I can offer.”

“I'm single, too,” Raj says, “but I still know enough about people to offer a little advice: love should never make you feel small. People sometimes do, even the people who love you. But love will always regret that. Listen to each other. Make sure you both feel heard.”

“So, how's that, Sean?” Diego asks. “You feel ready to get married now?”

“I think 'ready' is a relative term,” I chuckle. “I don't know if I'm ever going to feel fully prepared. But I'm happy. I want this. I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be.”

Alodia

After our spa day, we head to the block of suites I've reserved for us at the inn. After spending some time in the indoor pool, we head back to Michelle's suite to spend the evening eating, watching movies, and talking. Grace has brought along her wedding album, and we thumb through it to gush over how beautiful it all was. I try not to let it ache too much that I don't see myself or Jake among the pictures. He and I are together now. That's what matters. And I'm not going to cast a pall on the eve of Michelle's wedding. That's why I try not to mention how uncomfortable I'm starting to feel by the end of the evening. At this point, I've had enough conversations with my OB to recognize false contractions and ligament pain, and everything eases when I change positions, so I'm not worried. But I know Michelle would worry.

Eventually, we encourage her to sleep. As the bride, she gets her own room, while the rest of us double up; Estela and Quinn share a room, I'm with Zahra, and Grace with Lila. I call Jake to check in just before we go to sleep.

“Hey there, Princess.”

“Hey, Top Gun.”

“It's good to hear your voice. How's the bride?”

“Relaxed, I hope. She ought to be after today. We just left her to get her beauty sleep. How's the groom?”

“Full of sage advice. Nervous, but eager. As a groom should be. ...How's our little girl?”

I sigh, feeling a smile playing over my mouth as I stroke my belly and feel a flutter against my palm. “Squirmy. I think she's eager to meet the world. I've been telling her she has to wait at least three days, though.”

“Hopefully a little longer than that. ...How are you?”

“Uncomfortable,” I admit. “But, I have a tiny person wiggling around inside me, and my body is getting ready to push it out. Discomfort is to be expected. How are you?”

“Wishing I were falling asleep with you in my arms tonight. ...Thinking of driving up there and sneaking into your room.”

“I'm sharing room with Zahra tonight. I don't think she'd appreciate you barging in. Especially because you know we can't be trusted to keep our hands off each other.”

“We'll make her sleep in the hall, then.”

“Don't be mean,” I chide him gently. “We'll be together tomorrow.”

“Until I leave to get Sean and Michelle off on their honeymoon.”

“And then we'll be together again. Look after Sean tonight. ...I love you.”

“I love you, Princess. Sweet dreams.”

* * *

I wake up early to make sure breakfast is brought up to Michelle's suite with enough time that we can eat before we all go back to the salon for hair and makeup. She doesn't eat much, but I'm guessing it's mostly nerves, based on the way she taps her freshly manicured nails on the table. She looks over at me.

“How are you feeling?”

I grin. “I'm fine, Michelle. Promise.”

“You're sure? You're sure you're up for this? Do you know if they have a chair ready for you in case you need to sit down?”

“Relax, will ya?” Zahra chuckles. “The guys are checking everything out at the venue to make sure it's ready. Jake is not going to forget about a chair for his pregnant wife.”

“Oh, God...” Michelle groans, letting her head fall into her hands. “You two are going to have to switch partners for the ceremony!”

Zahra and I exchange a confused glance. “...What?”

“Because Alodia is the maid of honor and Craig is the best man! They're going to walk down the aisle together, and after them, it'll be Zahra with Jake, Grace with Aleister, Raj with Quinn, Diego with Estela...”

“Uh...yes. We know. We were all at the wedding rehearsal. It's okay. None of us are worried about our partners leaving us because they linked arms with another person for sixty seconds. None of us are the ones getting married today.”

“That's right,” Quinn agrees. “We just have to convince the evil spirits that we are.”

“The what?” Lila asks.

“Evil spirits. I read once that the reason there are bridesmaids and groomsmen is because of an old superstition that evil spirits and demons would try to curse the bride and groom on their wedding day because evil spirits hate love. But if there were several 'couples' posed nearby, the spirits would get confused.”

“Well, crap! That's exactly what I need at my wedding is a bunch of confused demons making everyone switch partners!”

I hide a smile by bringing a glass of orange juice to my lips. Or I try to, but I don't think I succeed.

“You know, if that happens, I feel sorriest for Estela. As the only woman Diego has ever attempted to kiss, I can tell you, he doesn't know what he's doing.”

Estela scowls, but I can see the hint of a smirk on her lips. “As if Craig would know what to do with you and your basketball belly.”

I feign offense. “Rude!”

“She's right, though,” Zahra says with a shrug. “That's why I'm never getting pregnant.”

Michelle groans, running her fingers through her hair. “I can't eat anymore...”

I put a hand between her shoulderblades, rubbing gently. “Let's get you into hair and makeup. I have a feeling that will perk you up.”

Michelle

Alodia knows me so well. Even happily having a pregnant maid of honor at my wedding, I still worry sometimes that deep down I'm just as vain and concerned with appearances as I was before. It was that vanity that first led me to pursue Sean. I don't know if I genuinely planned on falling in love. I didn't even realize how in love with him I was until he was walking away from me. Sometimes, I still wake up in the middle of the night and look at the sleeping face beside me, and worry that if I spend too long primping, he will become convinced that I am still vain and shallow and he'll leave me again. But, if I am truly going to be his wife, I have to trust him. I have to trust that he knows me. That he knows the fact that I still love makeup and skin products and jewelry doesn't mean that there is nothing below the surface of me, or that I look down on anyone else. That he loves me, even with my little vanities. And as I see myself transform under the artist's skillful brush, watch the stylist curl, tug, twist, braid, and pin my bleached-blonde hair into an elegant chignon, I feel my anxieties ebbing away.

When hair and makeup are done, my bridesmaids get themselves dressed before coming to help me into my beautiful full gown with the floral lace applique. A low-cut sweetheart neckline shows off the curves of my breasts, and the wide straps hang off my shoulders, hugging my upper arms. Estela and Quinn help me pin my veil into place while Alodia, Grace, and Zahra look me over appraisingly.

“It looks good,” Alodia declares, nodding, “but I need to make sure of one final thing. Well, four things, really. Do you have something old?”

I nod. “My mom made my wedding garter from the christening cap I wore as a baby.”

She grins, and I see her eyes start to shimmer. “I have to be careful asking questions like that. Hormones plus wedding plus insanely heartwarming thing involving baby Michelle, all while I'm wearing mascara...”

I smile back. “It's waterproof. I checked. Well, the dress and veil both cover something new, and my shoes are light blue.”

“And I have you covered for something borrowed,” Quinn declares. “Hold out your wrist.”

I know what she's going to fasten around my wrist even before she takes out the gold charm bracelet.

“Aww, Quinn!” Zahra exclaims. “You still have it!”

“Of course I still have it. Do you think I'm going to give this up?”

“Give what up?” Alodia asks.

“Oh god! You don't know about the charm bracelet, do you?” Quinn holds out my wrist, beckoning Alodia for a closer look. “After the island, I really wanted something to hold onto that everyone could be part of, so I bought a charm bracelet. All the Catalysts have their own charm. I let everyone pick their own, so they're not strictly our Hadean signs. I have a dolphin, Grace has a swan, Craig has a bear, but Raj has a pie, Michelle has a caduceus, Sean's is a football, and I think Diego's is the symbol of the rebel alliance from Star Wars. ...Jake picked a claddagh for you. With a garnet heart.”

“...Claddagh...what's that?”

Quinn holds up the charm so she can examine it, the circled arms and the hands cradling the garnet heart topped with a crown.

“It's an old Irish symbol for love, loyalty, and friendship. We all thought it was pretty appropriate for you.”

Alodia touches each charm in turn; her claddagh, the dolphin, the swan, the bear, the pie, the caduceus, the football, the Star Wars thing, the dragon, the rapier, the fighter plane, the stylized skull.

“It was my 'something borrowed,' too,” Grace says dreamily.

“Well, it sounds like you're all set then.” Alodia drags over a chair and sets it in front of me. To my alarm, she moves to climb onto it.

“Hey! What are you doing?! If you fall off that chair--”

“Relax. I'm just kneeling on it so I can reach you.” She reaches around my head to take my blusher in a delicate grip and draw it down over my face. With careful, deliberate movements, she sets her feet back on the ground and returns the chair to its place.

“...Am I good?” I ask, feeling a flutter in my belly. Alodia grins.

“That's how you look like a goddess on your wedding day.”

Sean

This is it. It's happening. I'm standing at an altar in a beautiful Californian garden, under an arch of flowers and vines with a gentle classical piece drifting from the piano behind me. Family and friends fill the rows of chairs laid out on the lawn on both sides of the long white carpet that's been rolled out for us. Craig is coming up the aisle with Alodia on his arm, ready to stand beside me as my best man. They part at the arch, Alodia moving to sit in the chair that's been set up for her. The rest of the Catalysts follow two by two, also parting at the arch. Then come Michelle's cousins, the older one scattering flowers, and her little brother balancing a pillow with the rings sewn on securely. Then...there she is. My bride, on her grandfather's arm. She looks angelic in her bridal gown, serene and beautiful and confident, and the sight of her brings grateful tears to my eyes.

She reaches me, and her grandfather gently passes her hand to me. I take it, joining hands with her over the unity candle we will light after exchanging vows, and she meets my eyes behind the blusher of her veil. Her eyes are so dark...so dark and so warm. Her lips part in as genuinely happy a smile as I've ever seen on her, and I feel my own smile forming. Everything else is falling away now. The minister is speaking, but all I can hear is a faint murmur. All I care about is her. I'm studying Michelle, memorizing everything about her. It's not until the minister addresses me directly that I start to pay attention to the ceremony again.

“Do you, Sean Marcus Gayle, take Michelle Thuy Nguyen to be your lawfully wedded wife and companion, to have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and health, as long as you both shall live?”

My breath shakes as I answer, “I do,” but I can feel myself smiling so hard my cheeks ache.

“And do you, Michelle Thuy Nguyen, take Sean Marcus Gayle to be your lawfully wedded husband and companion, to have and to hold, to honor and to cherish, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

I glance over her shoulder and catch sight of Alodia rising carefully from her chair with a white taper candle. I turn away from my bride just enough to take my candle from Craig, and allow the minister to light them.

“Michelle and Sean, you each hold in your hand a flame. It is the flame of each of your individual lives, your hopes and aspirations, your sorrows and fears, passions and disappointments. Take one last look and these singular lights, for they are about to merge into one.” The minister pauses for a moment, and then gives us a nod. “Sean and Michelle, you may now light the unity candle.”

Our flames dip together toward the wick of the flower-wreathed candle between us, our flames mingling as the wick catches. We bring our tapers out of the conjoined flame and blow them out.

“Two flames now burn as one. May the two of you always burn as one, inseparably bonded through all of life's challenges. And now the rings.”

Craig brings the elegant gold bands over to us. I cradle Michelle's left hand in mine, sliding the ring onto her third finger.

“With this ring, I thee wed. And with my body, I thee worship. And with all my worldly goods, I thee endow.”

Michelle repeats the gesture, slipping the ring onto my finger and speaking the words.

“Then by the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Sean, you may kiss the bride.”

As I lift her blusher and capture her mouth with mine, I can hear applause around me. There was a time I might have been self-conscious about kissing anyone in public. Sometimes I still might be. But not here. And not now. We only break because we know the minister is waiting to present us.

“Family and friends, it is my honor and pleasure to present for the first time as husband and wife, Mr. Sean Marcus Gayle, and Dr. Michelle Thuy Gayle!”

Alodia

I survive the ceremony, the pictures, and make it well into the reception at the beach house. I help Michelle with playing the hostess as only seems appropriate, considering it's my house. Raj has catered a typically delicious and appropriately exotic meal, and it is consumed with plently of glasses clinking at the newlyweds. Craig and I give our best man and maid of honor speeches, the cake is cut, and the bride and groom feed each other delicately. We've set up a portable dance floor in the main hall, and that's where Sean and Michelle have their first dance, followed by Sean's dance with his mother and Michelle's with her grandfather. Then the dance floor is opened up to everyone. I stay sitting through the first few pop songs, but when the next slow dance comes on, I feel a touch on my shoulder. I look up to find my own husband smiling down at me.

“May I have this dance, Princess? If you think you're up for it.”

I grin. “You married a dancer, Jake. No matter how big this kid makes me before she comes out, I will always be a dancer.”

“Dancers still need rest sometimes.”

“True. But I think I can manage a slow dance with you.” He leads me out onto the floor, and I nestle into his embrace as much as my bulging belly allows. “...Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be the same once River is born. If I'll ever flip again, or dance like I used to...”

“I've heard of Olympic gymnasts going back to work after having babies. And you've been keeping yourself in shape.” He pulls back a little and I reflexively turn my face toward him. “Are you sure you're holding up all right? You could go to bed, you know. It is your house.”

“Not yet. I want to see them off.”

He sighs, pressing his forehead to mine. “Mike and I'll have to leave soon. The plane should be fueled up and ready, but we gotta go through all the final checks before they get there. ...I ain't keen on leaving you, Princess.”

“You'll be back in two days, in time to take me to my doctor's appointment. And in the meantime, Diego and Varyyn are in the same house. Not to mention Grace and Aleister are taking Reggie to Disneyland for a couple days, and Raj and Lila will be in in LA until the end of the week, and your sister lives in LA, anyway. I'm surrounded by family, Jake.”

“Yeah...yeah, you are.” He kisses the top of my head. “Okay. I'll stop fussin'. Long as you swear you'll call me the moment anything starts happenin'.”

“You have my word.”

Diego

I drape my arms around Varyyn's neck, swaying gently to the music as I gaze into his eyes. His holographic disguise has turned them dark, but I can see the gold shining beneath when he moves them. Not that he's moving them much now. He holds my gaze steadily, and a warm tranquility is settling over me.

“So, what did you think of your first human wedding?” I murmur.

“It isn't my first,” he protests. “I was at ours, wasn't I?”

“True, but that was just a short ceremony. Didn't have all the bells and whistles like this one. Though...I guess the trappings of the ceremony were pretty similar. What's really new in this experience is the big reception.”

He chuckles, nuzzling me affectionately. “I'm a Vaanti, my love. And a wedding is a wedding is a wedding. As long as two souls are being joined as one, it is beautiful, and I will take joy in it.”

I look over at Michelle, nestled in Sean's arms as they rock gently together on the dance floor. Her head rests on his chest, her eyes barely open, a gentle smile on her lips. She is still wearing her gown, though she has discarded her veil, and her hairstyle is starting to come undone. With one arm wrapped protectively around her waist, Sean has let his other hand come up from behind her shoulders to cradle her head and comb back the stray wisps of silky blonde hair that have fallen toward her face.

“...Lord knows those two souls deserve to finally be joined together. Their road to this moment hasn't been easy.”

“Few things that are worth having ever come easy.”

For some reason, hearing that makes my stomach do a little flip. Involuntarily, I break eye contact with my lover and feel my gaze drawn to my best friend, and the bulge that separates her from her husband as they sway to the music.

“Are you all right, my darling?”

I try to soften the frown that I feel creasing my forehead as I lean into Varyyn's embrace, resting my head on his chest.

“...Yeah. I'm okay. I just...I just realized I'm scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“...I'm scared about Allie. I'm scared about her having a baby.”

“Why?”

“Because in order for her to have the baby, she has to give birth. And I guess I've just been kind of ignoring the fact that even in this day and age, that's really a hell of a thing for a human being to go through. Even in America in 2024, even for a privileged, upper-class woman who can afford all the best care, there's no guarantee that things won't go wrong.”

“All the odds are still in her favor,” Varyyn reminds me gently. “She is young and healthy and strong.”

“I know. But she's my best friend. My sister.” I pull back to meet his eyes again. “...No matter how you slice it, that child is a thing worth having that isn't going to come easy. How can I not worry a little?”

Varyyn smiles fondly down at me. “You can't. It's impossible. Not when you care for someone as much as you care for her.” He bends to brush my mouth with his. “...I'm worried, too.”

Lila

There aren't many unmarried young women to scramble for the bouquet when Michelle stands at the top of the central staircase to toss it. That's the only reason I opt to join in the moment. It's a relief to me when the bouquet falls neatly into the arms of the flower girl, Chloe. Raj ends up catching the garter, and Michelle's mother insists that he and Chloe must share a dance now. Chloe, who has spent most of the evening being the life of the party, suddenly seems extremely shy at the prospect of sharing a solo dance with a relative stranger. But Raj speaks quietly to her, and though I can't make out what he's saying, by the time he takes her hand and leads her out onto the dance floor, she's smiling timidly. He says something to Zahra as they pass, and she nods, moving toward the sound system. A moment later, “Jump Jive n' Wail” starts playing. That's about when I feel the need to slip outside for a breath of air.

I find Alodia on the deck, stretched out on a lounge chair with a blanket draped over her. She gazes up at the sky with a distant expression, caressing her belly.

“Are you all right?”

She starts a little at my voice, but shakes it off quickly and smiles. “Hey, Lila. Yeah, I'm fine. I was seeing Jake and Mike off, and I just thought I'd savor to cool air out here for awhile.” She strokes her belly fondly. “My temperature is all over the place these days.”

“...How...how does it feel? Being pregnant?”

Alodia chuckles. “Asking the big questions, aren't you? ...It's a mixed bag most of the time. There's a lot to hate about it. ...But there's nothing quite like feeling her wiggle around inside me. Knowing she's alive...”

“Is she...wiggling right now?”

“Music always gets her dancing. Takes after her mother already.”

I feel my fingers curl and uncurl. I know I shouldn't ask, but I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't. “Would...would you mind if I...felt her moving?”

She raises an eyebrow. “You want to feel my belly?”

“Yes...” I wring my hands nervously. “But only if it's all right with you...”

She smiles, her eyes full of softness and warmth. “Go ahead.”

It seems strange that I feel so shy as I approach her and gingerly press my palm against the swell of her belly. I gasp at the first flutter of movement that I feel, my eyes quickly filling with grateful tears. I'm here with the woman who literally brought me back from the dead, and I'm feeling a new life stirring inside her body.

“That's...that's so amazing...”

“Isn't it? All in all, pregnancy has been the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me, and I've been stardust. But it's also been the most incredible.”

“...I'm not going to let Mr. Rourke hurt you, Alodia. Or this baby. I promise. I've given enough of my life to him and his...plots.” I look into her eyes, silently begging her to see my earnestness. “I want to be on the right side. I want to stay on the right side.”

She places her hand on top of mine. “You're here, Lila. We won't let you slip away.” She leans back with a tranquil sigh, turning her eyes skyward. “...Life is...very beautiful.”

[believerindaydreams]

though I would like to write a story called “dreaming of oranges”

Upon quiet, thoughtful reflection, a whole “AU rewrite with Sheridan and Sinclair switched around” would require a rewatch of everything up to “Into the Fire” and at least twenty thousand words to do properly. And a lot more guff about Minbar than I can probably handle convincingly. And writing Sinclair, who strikes me as being one of those sneaky bastards who are great on the small screen but hell to write dialogue for. 

(cut for spoilers. Lots of spoilers)

Counterpoints: the fascination of dealing with this Minbari paradox, with the Grey Council struggling to grasp how their greatest icon could possibly also be Starkiller. How long it takes them to tell Sheridan why they asked him to be ambassador; around the end of Season Two or so, I think. In this version, Sheridan thinks he’s been posted to Minbar because new Clark wants him off-stage for some reason. In this version, he’s right; Clark’s heard just enough rumblings about a White Star fleet in the making to want a war hero on the spot to keep an eye on developments (Clark can always blame any unfortunate developments on Minbari War Syndrome, if necessary). Sheridan would, I think, have some genuine Earthforce concerns about helping Minbar build an entire flippin’ warfleet of White Stars, and want some very solid evidence about this whole Shadow War...so enter the Rangers, and Sheridan spends a year thinking they just wanted him to be Entil'zha. 

Probably some reluctant mutual admiration with Neroon, and Sheridan finding he gets on better with the warrior caste, ironically enough; there’s some common ground there and they agree that the religious caste’s five hour dinners are ridiculous. And Marcus shows up! With a lot of terrible jokes resulting, no doubt. 

Back on the station, everybody’s getting used to Sheridan’s replacement, the restrained and thoughtful Sinclair (and his on-and-off girlfriend Catherine). Garibaldi’s glad to have his old friend back; Susan takes somewhat longer warming up to him. Londo and G’Kar run into each other at the post office, one carrying a bag of oranges and the other parcelling up a set of Narn heating stones, and find themselves actually agreeing on something- namely, that landing up stuck on Minbar must be one of the worst possible fates for any hot-blooded sentient in the entire known galaxy. 

(Cut to: Lennier, holding a letter and pointedly not looking annoyed.)

So Sheridan starts deciphering the Shadow War, based partly on data gathered by the Rangers. Though some he’d be getting straight from Babylon 5, because Ivanova bullied the Epsilon III crew into providing them a reliable and secure communication system (you know she would). Gotta keep Sheridan in touch with the main crew somehow, especially if he’s going to fall in love with Delenn long distance...

who is aware that falling in love with Valen is an exceptionally terrible idea, but finds herself doing it anyway. Not that she intends to mention this to him; she’s already keeping far too many secrets from him, so what’s one more...until the end of Season Two (or thereabouts, anyway). When Sheridan calls her to say, well, this year on Minbar’s been fun, but now he’s going to pull every string he has in Earthforce to get back the Babylon 5 posting. Or anything that’s not planet-side, really...

so now she has to explain to him that he’s Valen, and destined to stay on Minbar. Sheridan’s reaction would be amazing to write- contradictory, frustrated energy, partly fascinated by the odd culture that he’s spent a year aiding, and partly completely exasperated by that culture and wanting out already. Anger with the very notion of being forced to do anything because of fate, and a very worried realisation that if he was to accept the truth of this duty, it’s not in him to say no. Not when the fate of billions might depend on it. 

But then, he argues with Delenn, if he’s going to be Valen then his destiny is to fight Shadows, and it might just be that he needs this experience to help save Minbar’s past. They settle on a temporary compromise; Sheridan’s given the first White Star to captain for as long as the war continues, on a top-secret basis. No longer. 

(Sheridan sleeps very hard, his first night back in space; and she spends it watching him.)

As for what’s been happening back on the station....Nightwatch is starting to make things nasty, Sinclair’s girlfriend has vanished under mysterious circumstances, and he’s starting to question why everybody leaves him out of the loop on things. Garibaldi notes that after all the hard work Sheridan went through on Babylon 5, a lot of people are gonna be cool on any replacement- and also that anybody taking lessons from Vorlons is going to sound a little touched after a while. 

As a way of asserting his authority, and also because he shares Delenn’s philosophy that all lives are precious, Sinclair forbids Lyta Alexander to search for a possible spy who can only be uncovered via murder. Talia gets to live; Lyta makes a break for it to Vorlon space. Susan decides that her instinct to keep some of the particulars of the anti-Clark, pro-Hague campaign away from Sinclair were probably wise, if he’s going to be such an idealistic with weird delusions of godhood and mutterings about Z’ha’dum- concerns that Garibaldi makes light of. Even after Sinclair falls out of a tube and gets saved by an angel in front of half the station. 

Season Three, Sheridan’s on the White Star and Sinclair’s on Babylon 5, with Delenn splitting her time between both (Lennier is concerned that Delenn is plunging through Minbar relationship rituals with accuracy but unseemly speed.) Sheridan offers Vir a few tips about life on Minbar. Sinclair concentrates on maintaining Babylon 5′s diplomatic status, trying to walk the line between keeping the station’s ideals and keeping in with Clark’s administration. All’s going well until some idiot blows up a ship at Ganymede, whereupon martial law is declared and everything goes haywire. Sinclair reluctantly declares that Babylon will secede, but emphasizes the unarmed, neutral nature of the station (he previously forbade the GROPOS crew from using the place as a base for combat operations, which is helpful in terms of propaganda and unhelpful in that the station still doesn’t have a decent defence grid).

“Is he seriously expecting God to reach out of the heavens to save us?“ Susan asks Garibaldi, in complete exasperation. 

“...when a guy like Jeff asks, it might just happen.“

Severed Dreams happens, with everything much the same as before except that Sheridan comes riding in with Delenn to save the day. ISN declares Sheridan a Minbari-tainted traitor, and the White Star attracts a good deal of fascination. Nobody cares about Sinclair, still. Franklin asks if they arranged it this way on purpose, with one dramatic hooligan drawing attention away from that station’s real work. Sinclair smiles and says nothing.

Some time later, Garibaldi spends an annoying day stuck in Grey Sector, and shoots a monster with some old-fashioned bullets. Nothing else happens that days. 

The campaign to fight the Shadows is progressing, slowly but surely, and the scope of Sinclair’s behind-the-scenes work is becoming slowly evident; he’s been quietly soothing small conflicts from breaking into worse conflicts, garnering favour with alien governments, and there’s a sturdy compact of ships to join up with the White Star fleet. All seems well, until Catherine comes back to Babylon 5 for the first time in months- and asks Sinclair to come with her to Z’ha’dum. 

Kosh says that this is not the time. Sinclair ignores the Vorlon and asks Sheridan for a White Star; Sheridan reluctantly agrees. 

Time passes. Sinclair doesn’t come back. But Shadow ships start coming out, attacking everywhere- many, many Shadow ships, far more than anyone had expected, or even thought possible. Despite a huge smoldering crater in their planet.) 

The Babylon 5 crew take council in the War Room, how to proceed next; and Sheridan gives a rousing speech to the Non-Aligned Worlds about honouring Sinclair’s memory, by putting up the best resistance they can. The appeal to martyrdom works; the anti-Shadow alliance vows that they will fight on whatever the cost. 

“You have forgotten something,” Kosh says to Sheridan. 

And Sheridan looks at the Vorlon, out at the planet below, and knows he can’t delay any longer, that the full fury of the Shadow forces must be lessened a thousand years earlier. Epsilon III is waiting for him. 

Delenn goes with him. So does Ivanova, who won’t let her old captain go without one last mission, so does Marcus, following the One. They ride the station backwards in time; Sheridan’s previous encounter with the rift causes him to age- but very strangely. Zathras clucks and tells him that he’ll probably only have twenty years more to live, though you wouldn’t know it by looking at him. 

Station prepared, there’s nothing left to be done but take leave of each other. Marcus offers to go back instead, and Sheridan sharply tells him not to play tempter; Susan salutes her old captain, and thanks him for giving them all a chance. Delenn stands before him, waiting, and can only say she has no ritual for this. 

All Sheridan can say, through his own tears, is that if his sacrifice shapes a world that’ll nurture her one day, it’ll be worth it- 

and Sinclair walks through the door, serene as none of them have ever seen him before. 

“When did you get here?“ Susan asks. 

“Before,” Sinclair says, in obliquely Vorlon fashion; and provides little more explanation when he’s pressed. Franklin was right, he explains; Catherine was a Shadow of her former self, quite literally, the Army of Light needs its martyr more than a figurehead, the universe needs him no longer- not here, that is. But it could use him elsewhere. A thousand years in the past...

“But who are you, to think yourself Valen?“ Delenn asks him, uncertain, unwilling to take hope too easily. 

“One who came back from Z’ha’dum alive.” Sinclair takes the triluminary, and it glows blue at his touch...

(Back on Babyon 5, Sheridan and Delenn talk the matter to pieces. How the triluminary must have reacted to shared ancestors in either direction, human or Minbari. Whether it requires Vorlon-inspired madness, to carry through the attempt at godhood. If she would have risked paradox, to follow him back; if he would have shirked duty, to stay.)

But that’s all for the future. 

For now?

Nothing more or less than a miracle. 

[maychorian]

(no) fear of drowning - Chapter 7

For @platonicvldweek, seven ficlets in (not)Shiro’s POV post-S4. Day Seven Prompt: Alternate Reality/Free. Takashi is home. Now, it’s time to bring Shiro home, too. On AO3: (no) fear of drowning

Takashi expected them to take him to the medbay, or perhaps Pidge's work table. Somewhere they could "root out" whatever was wrong in him, like Allura had said they would. But Lance was leading him by the hand again, pulling him down the hallway, and everyone else crowded around him, laughing and chattering, and they definitely weren't going anywhere he knew. Only Keith was holding back a bit from the group, watching Takashi with unmistakable wariness. Smart of him. Paradoxically, it made Takashi feel better to know that someone else was as paranoid of his presence here as he was.

They ended up in a part of the castle Takashi had never seen before. It seemed like a residential area, nicer than the sort of military barracks where the paladins usually slept. Diplomatic or royal quarters, maybe. They stopped in front of one particular door, and Lance bounced on his feet, waiting for Coran to open it.

"Um, guys?" Takashi spoke up. "Where are we?"

Hunk and Lance turned to him, eyes wide. "Oh, did we not explain?" Hunk asked.

Takashi smiled and shook his head. "Not really. You were all too excited."

Lance swept his hand toward the door just as it finally opened. "This is where the portal is."

Sure enough, Takashi had to squint and shield his eyes as a bright light struck out from the open doorway. Then he blinked away the sparks and leaned forward, mouth dropping open. It looked like a golden crack, hanging in the air. "How... Did it just appear on the ship one day?"

They crowded into the room, which was huge, with a bed the size of a studio apartment, drapery hanging from the walls and luxurious seating scattered around. The crack hovered in an open space, monitored by scientific equipment that must have been dragged in here after it appeared.

Lance led Takashi to within a few feet of the crack, then held him back at a careful distance. "Yeah, basically. Pidge could explain it better." He raised his eyebrows at her.

She humphed and adjusted her glasses. "Pretty much that, yes. We got some readings of an anomaly in this region of space, and it matched some of the frequencies from the trans-reality rift we encountered earlier. So we moved to investigate, and when the castle reached this exact position, suddenly the frequencies amplified exponentially."

"And then we heard Shiro's voice in the halls," Hunk said, voice hushed with awe.

"So we tracked it down, and here we are." Lance spread his arms and spun in place.

Takashi huffed at him, then looked toward the crack. "Is he there now?"

"Yes, he should be. You knew you were going to be here soon." Coran took a step closer to the rift and leaned over with his hand cupped around his mouth. "Hellooooo in there! Number One, are you available? Number One Part Two has finally arrived!"

Lance groaned. "Holy crow, Coran, I can't believe you're still calling him that. Takashi. His name is Takashi."

Coran gave him a cheesy grin. "You have your ways of making sure our second Black Paladin feels at home, and I have mine."

Then the rift lit up. The gold intensified, and bright sparks of light fled from the edges of the crack. "Hello? He's here? We're calling him Takashi? That's good. It works."

Shiro's voice. Takashi's voice. But not. It might have been Takashi's imagination, but he was sure he heard a power, a resonance, that had never had been in his own voice nor that of any of the other clones he'd met. Takashi went still, an electric thrill running over his shoulders. He couldn't speak, tongue frozen and lips cold.

Hunk put two big hands in the middle of his back and shoved him closer, stumbling two steps nearer to the rift. "Answer him, dude! He won't bite."

Shiro laughed. "I can't bite, seeing as I'm in an alternate reality. But also, I wouldn't bite in any case." His voice was warm, kind. "Takashi, yes? Thank you for taking care of my crew while I was away."

Takashi had to speak now, had to protest this massive misunderstanding of the situation. "I... I didn't, though. I made so many mistakes. I put everyone in horrible danger."

"You made mistakes?" Shiro's voice did not lose an iota of warmth. "That's funny. I did, too. I'm sure if I had been there in your place, I would have made just as many mistakes as you did. Different ones, maybe, but that's about it."

Takashi released a chuckle, high-pitched and hysterical. "You don't understand. I'm...I'm a bomb. We just don't know what kind, or when I'll go off. Or maybe I already have, I don't know. I don't know. That's the worst part. I don't... You shouldn't trust me. You can't trust me."

"If you're a bomb, we'll defuse you." Such confidence. Takashi didn't understand it at all. "I admit, I was pretty shocked when the others told me about your existence and we figured out what Haggar did, how she used and violated both of us. But the beginning is not the end, you know. You don't have to be what she made of you."

Takashi closed his eyes. Yes, he did know that. Savage Shiro had shown him that in the most painful way possible.

"You're so afraid of what could be that you're missing what is," Shiro said. "What was it Commander Holt kept saying? Do you remember it, too? If not, I'll remind you."

Takashi drew a shaky breath. He mouthed the words along with Shiro, though he didn't say them aloud. "Go. Be great."

Shiro laughed, a little shaky now, too. Takashi had never felt so close to anyone that he could remember, and they were currently in different realities. "Hey, I know what you're thinking, right? We basically the same person. I know how scared you are. I know how bad you want to believe this, and how certain you are that it's all a lie. But I also know that we can do this. I'll trust you enough for both of us, at least until you have enough to carry yourself. Everything is going to be okay."

Takashi laughed, too, though there were tears in his voice. He looked around at the others, giving a tremulous smile. "Is this why you brought me here first? So Shiro could give me a pep talk?"

Lance shrugged, Hunk smiled, Pidge looked unbearably smug, and Coran twirled his mustache. Allura's eyes were bright and kind. "Not precisely. He just really, really wanted to meet you."

"Oh." It was a barely a word, breathed out on a choked whisper of air. The rift glowed brighter, and Takashi stared at it, mesmerized. He found himself taking a step closer, almost without realizing out, his left hand reaching out. It was beautiful.

"I didn't ask for this either," Shiro said. The crack glowed even more, pulsing with the rhythm of his voice. "Who would ever ask to be cloned? But you know, after some thought, I'm warming up to the idea. I always wanted a brother."

Takashi reached the rift. He was vaguely aware of sudden shouts of alarm from Pidge, from Hunk and Coran, telling him to get back, it was dangerous, it could kill him, but it barely registered. All he knew was that he had never resonated with anything the way he resonated with Shiro's voice, so far away and so close in the same instant, and he wanted, he wanted...

He reached into the rift. He felt a hand clasping his, warm and solid and real. And he pulled.

Shiro stumbled out of the trans-reality rift, blinking in surprise. He looked good, strong and healthy, his haircut precise and stylish unlike Takashi's mess of a head. His arm was different than Takashi's, made of some kind of white alloy with teal highlights, more like the Altean aesthetic rather than the metal gray and purple of Takashi's current prosthetic. The rift dimmed slightly, then abruptly vanished into thin air with a faint crackle of power.

Shiro looked down at his flesh hand, still clasped in Takashi's. He laughed. Then he looked up into Takashi's face, beaming like a sunrise. "Hey, bud. Good to see you."

Takashi laughed. Then he cried. Shiro tugged him closer by their clasped hands, then wrapped his arms around him and held on.

"It's okay," Shiro said over and over again. "You're okay, you're okay, you're okay. Thank you for bringing me home."

And finally, finally, for no reason Takashi could understand, that throbbing headache of wrongness was gone. He was free.

End

Extra Notes: And everything was good and they figured out anything that was wrong with Takashi and renamed him Ryou after the imaginary playmate Shiro had when he was a kid and Ryou became a full member of the crew and was playful and funny and had spa days with Lance and worked with Hunk in the kitchen and teased Pidge and Matt when they were being nerdy and supported Allura and helped Coran and Shiro be the adults of the ship when an adult was necessary but he also could be a kid with the younger paladins because he didn't have to keep that veneer of authority like Shiro and in very dire circumstances he was a backup paladin even though it wore him out really bad because his quintessence wasn't quite as strong as Shiro's but it was okay because everyone took care of him and loved him and they defeated the Empire and Haggar went away and nothing could ever hurt him again and eventually Ryou and Shiro retired together to a planet full of dogs. The End.

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 22 (Epilogue 4 Page 5)

[barrybadgerblog-blog]

Foldin Clothes and Stay(in) Gold: The Many Faces of Rap Craft Part II

Run the Jewels.

Squeezed in before the end of the year, RTJ has made another classic. A time capsule of pain, politics and passion of being a lout.

It is not the album I wanted them to make. But, like the Dark Knight it is the album we deserve.

After two jaw crushing, noodle twisting albums of punishing suckas,explaining how fucked up the system is and then leaving everybody fucked, punched and verbally devastated, where could the nastiest dream team go? I was hoping they would continue going down the road they were going; burning buildings, grinning at their jokes with a glock to your dog. 

After listening to it a bunch of times I realized RTJ3 is like driving all over NYC.

It’s 5 am pitch black, your headlights and the giant mug of coffee you have in the cupholder are your only companions. You’re driving to the parkway before you hit real New York traffic and you need something to put you in the proper mindset to get there. Anger, paranoia and frenzy (”Talk to Me” - Best line is El-P’s “My dick’s got a Michelin star, I'm on par with the best ever took the gig”), is the mental cocktail already mixed for you. 

Slowly, the lanes are narrowing, drivers are cutting you off more and the driving world you knew before changes into a new animal (”Legend Has It”). Your heart starts beating, you see reflective signs everywhere, but, one more confusing than the next. The blare of horns, screeching tires and your beating heart surrounds you (”Call Ticketron”). Pulsating, whizzing and banging. 

Then, it starts to slow down. You've hit Jamaica and it's a grimy but it breathes a charming breath all its own ("Bumaye”). But you're close to your destination and you've been in this jungle long enough to feel like you can handle it. A sudden confidence and pleasure in understanding the area and mental space you need for it ("Stay Gold”). It just feels so good. As insane as it might have been it is a huge accomplishment like you “can’t stop high fiving” for having conquered this beast of a place. 

“Don’t Get Captured” - The ride stops. It is a completely different album. More menacing, covered in haunting synths and more focused on violence and not the fantasy, cartoonish violence that RTJ normally does. It is the violence of today: brutality, injustice and death. 

“Thieves” plays. Are these the same guys? Was I dropped onto a graveyard with ghosts and zombies surrounding me? Darkness envelops you and someone shouts “Fuck Don Lemon!” and you agree. “2100″ plays and you are still stuck in the doom like slowly sinking in lava like Gollum. This is the world we know now. 

It’s complex and it’s hard to listen to (you can take that statement however you’d like). Still is even after running the album over and over again.

“Hey Mama” touches on the stress of being the RTJ of today. Especially with Killer Mike’s story about his mom. Could you imagine yelling and cursing at your mom they way he sounds?? I can’t. I can’t even imagine what holidays are like for the Killer Mike family. "Everbody Stay Calm" is a paradox of song that has a pretty chill simple beat but as the crew spits you just can’t shake the feeling that someone is behind you. They boys never raise their voice either they just create ambiance through their words (CRAFT BITCHES).

“Thursday in the Danger Room” is the heart rip that I didn’t see coming. Death has always been a topic but not like this. How do legends grieve? It’s a searing and incredibly honest song. Anyone can mourn or be weak - even titans. The finisher "A Report to the Shareholders" blares and midway through the song changes again. Like the devils on your shoulder the message is clear- Kill your Masters. Figurative (or not) it's a strong clear message. Don't let up don't become a victim. Be golden.

The wild part is that I should’ve seen it coming. The opener “Down” is viking funeral. El-P and Killer Mike talk about their past lives and what could’ve been. They say their goodbyes to their worst days and drug dealing and let it go.

Run the Jewels is rap, it’s hip hop, it’s rage and it’s passion to the nth power. This is what distinguishes them from any other group. This album we find the rage focused and what’s more,  it’s still fucking awesome. 

A- 

These albums are great examples of what I would describe as "craft". When you see old heads or those guys who say rap is bad or better in the 90s or 80s or whatever period, you give them these albums and say what do you want? It's all here you just have to be open to it. 

-JarvTarv

Side Note- This is one of my favorites of the year so I will include all my favorite lines here

Down-  We don't talk a lot about it, we just pop it off a lot/ I'm high, man, I'm a cosmonaut/ Scream, "Fuck 'em," 'til they lop our bloody noggins off

Talk to Me - What, me worry? Nah, buddy, I've lost before, so what? You don't get it, I'm dirt, motherfucker, I can't be crushed (2nd fave after the Michelin dick line)

Legend Has It - Every new record's my dick in a box

Call Ticketron - Kids cook s'mores off the crotch of our targets/ Kumbaya bitch

Hey Kids (Bumaye) -  Word architect, when I arch the tech, I'll part ya' neck

Stay Gold - (this whole song is filled with good shit like the cant stop high fiving joke and doing the wop on you hoes line buttt)  We're the crooks, we'll run the jux and kidnap mom from jazzercise/ Get Stockholm syndrome when she get home, mom's like, "I like those fuckin' guys."./ Thanks for the ransom handsome, let Mom know the guys loved her pumpkin pie

Don't Get Captured-  Hello from a Little Shop of Horrors/ Ski mask like a Phantom of the Opera

Thieves! (Screamed the Ghost) -  Fears been law for so long that rage feels like therapy

2100 - You defeat the devil when you hold onto hope

Panther Like a Panther (Miracle Mix) - (much like Love Again RTJ always throws out a fun song that like has nothing to do with the rest of the album and isn’t as well made as the others and this is definitely the one. It also throws you out of the atmosphere but recovers quickly)- That whole beginning section- God forgive me

Everybody Stay Calm - Presidential suite, got a fuck boy jealous/ I'm the Nelson Mandela of Atlanta dope sellers

Oh Mama-  You running out of ways to go fuck yourself, I will innovate

Thursday in the Danger Room -  Like how do you look in the eyes of a friend and not cry when you know that they're dying?/ How do you feel 'bout yourself when you know that sometimes you had wished they were gone?/Not because you didn't love 'em but just because you felt too weak to be strong

A Report to the Shareholders / Kill Your Masters -  You talk clean and bomb hospitals/ So I speak with the foulest mouth possible

[365footballorg-blog]

Armchair Analyst: Your complete guide to the Week 7 MLS slate

April 13, 201810:22AM EDT

Welcome to the ESPN+ era. Let’s dive in…

Friday’s double-header

Philadelphia Union vs. Orlando City

8 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

Over the last two weeks Orlando City have won back-to-back games – in dramatic, almost preposterous fashion – for the first time in nearly a year. They’ve done it by toggling through formations (diamond 4-4-2 to 4-2-3-1 to a box-ish 4-4-2) and tossing one of the league’s more robust collections of attacking talent onto the field at any given time.

The defense, meanwhile, has been a tire fire. No one on the backline has been average or better this season, and the defensive midfield combo of Will Johnson and Yoshi Yotun has not offered anywhere near enough protection.

Perhaps all of the above is what the Union need in order to get their attack untracked. Philly have scored just three goals all season, and only one (Alejandro Bedoya’s headed equalizer last week) at even strength. It’s been no bueno, and Bedoya said as much after the game (and yeah, I kind of wonder how that will play in the locker room).

Two things I want to point out here: Philly have gotten a decent amount of decent chances this year. C.J. Sapong and David Accam have combined for 20 shots inside the box, and have scored just one of them. Even if you factor in that shots off of crosses have a lower percentage chance of going in than shots created vs. other methods, that’s an abject scoring rate.

Second is that the best method of creating a chance that’s got a high percentage of hitting the back of the net is to hit on a breakaway. Of the Union’s 52 shots this year, zero have come from that method.

They need to play through the lines a little bit. When Sapong checks back to the play, Accam needs to dive inside into the gap his movement creates. And it probably wouldn’t kill Borek Dockal to make a direct run every now and then, either.

Vancouver Whitecaps vs. LAFC

10 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

We’ve written so much about LAFC already this year because 1) they’re an expansion team, and it’s fun to take apart a new toy, and 2) they’ve been fascinating. Perhaps the most fascinating thing about them is the paradox at the heart of how they play, namely: They are a team whose best defense is their ability to pass and possess the ball, yet they seem to play better – more purposeful and dangerous – when they’re not getting a lot of possession.

I think that’s the reason so many of their games have felt so open.

The ‘Caps are still the ‘Caps. They don’t play open games, and that’s by design. They’re still hitting a ton of long balls (amongst the league leaders) and a ton of crosses (amongst the league leaders), and they don’t possess much at all (fourth from bottom at 41.74%). They are a very British team in approach, and Kei Kamara’s willingness to be a target in every phase of the game lets that happen without it being weird.

That said, this team has an X-factor previous Vancouver teams have not: Alphonso Davies. He’s not quite the finished product yet, but every time he’s on the ball the three closest defenders are in danger of getting dunked on:

70′ – Canadian Alphonso Davies outwaits the keeper on a superb effort, but it’s all for not after the play was reviewed and it was determined that there was a hand ball. @WhitecapsFC and @ColumbusCrewSC are still deadlocked at 1-1. #WhitecapsFCpic.twitter.com/iaOgzN7ynW

— TSN (@TSN_Sports) March 31, 2018

This was called back for a handball, but you get the idea. He’s attempted 44 dribbles, which leads the league. He’s completed 30 of them, which leads the league. That success rate of just over 68% is absurd – general rule of thumb is that anything over 40% is actually pretty good. For high-volume attacking dribblers, Darlington Nagbe has long been the gold standard in MLS, and last year was his best ever at 65%.

Davies is starting to attach end product to his work as well. He’s got 1g/2a in 464 minutes, and isn’t settling for no-hoper crosses from the sideline as much as he did in the season’s first two weeks.

You still gameplan for the ‘Caps the same way you have done the last couple of years. But Davies is slowly changing that.

Saturday’s Slate

New York Red Bulls vs. Montreal Impact

1 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

With the Impact coming off of last week’s dispiriting 4-0 loss at New England and the Red Bulls surely suffering from a Concacaf Champions League hangover… I really have no idea here. I do know, however, that Ignacio Piatti has long been able to conjure special performances in Harrison.

One thing I don’t expect to see in this game: Bradley Wright-Phillips as a No. 10.

Colorado Rapids vs. Toronto FC 2

3 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

Let’s face it: TFC have no choice but to treat this as a test for their USL side, as well as a type of tune-up for Victor Vazquez, Justin Morrow and Chris Mavinga – three regular starters who’ve spent most of the past month hurt, but are working their way back to fitness in time for the CCL final. I wouldn’t be shocked to see all three of them sub in as a group just past the hour mark.

The Rapids are currently sitting on our weird stat of the week: They have created five big chances, but they have scored six.

They’re very good at getting goals gifted to them early this season (as are Columbus and Chicago, for what it’s worth). I’m not sure if it’s their system (though I don’t think it is, as they’re not exactly pressing teams into mistakes out there) or just some early season small-sample-size theatre that they’ve taken advantage of. Either way they’re kind of breaking the model right now and it’s amusing.

It should also serve them well against what I’m imagining will be a very young and/or rusty Reds team.

Chicago Fire vs. LA Galaxy

3:30 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

How Chicago use Bastian Schweinsteiger will be what shapes this game, I think. They’ve flipped him back and forth between sweeper and central midfield a bunch over the past two weeks:

I don’t think playing him at sweeper is a reasonable long-term solution as it leaves them too vulnerable defensively and too bereft of playmaking ability in midfield. They need Homegrown rookie CB Grant Lillard to be ready. Now.

After re-watching last week’s 2-0 home loss to SKC, I’ve come to this conclusion: The Galaxy need to mostly do what they did in that game, except faster. They generated more than 20 shots, hit the woodwork a bunch and forced Tim Melia into a Player of the Week performance. Pressing forward a half-step quicker could’ve/would’ve made those gaps fractionally wider, and when that happens players of the quality of Ola Kamara and Zlatan Ibrahimovic put the ball in the net.

D.C. United vs. Columbus Crew SC

7 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

I’m willing to call this a mini-slump for Columbus, who’ve lost two straight and won just once in their last four after blazing out of the gate this year. That one win? It was 3-1 over… yeah it was over D.C. United.

The outstanding feature of that game was, as it often is with Columbus, how high the Crew SC fullbacks got:

When they play like that they basically envelop you and force your defense into constant scramble mode. If you come out to meet them and deny service, you allow the Columbus attackers more running lanes to hit and pockets of space to operate in.

D.C. are 0-3-2, have the league’s third-worst defensive record, and don’t play another home game for three months. They probably need to win this one or 2018 could get away from them before they even set foot in Washington, D.C.

New England Revolution vs. FC Dallas

7:30 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

The Revs press a ton. FC Dallas turn it over at the back a ton. This game’s in Foxborough on one of the league’s most notorious FieldTurf surfaces.

1+1+1 should equal three points for the home team. We shall see.

Portland Timbers vs. Minnesota United FC

10:30 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

This game should mark the debut of MNUFC’s first-ever Designated Player, Colombian attacker Darwin Quintero. He’s most often been played as a winger in his long and successful Liga MX career, though he’s also played at times as a second forward. He is fast and fun, has a penchant for scoring bangers from outside the box and absolutely tormented MLS defenders for both Santos Laguna and Club América in CCL over the past seven years:

Darwin Quintero has had great success against #MLS teams in #CCL, with both #SantosLaguna and #ClubAmérica. He has 7 goals + 4 assists vs #MLS teams in his career and terrorized backlines with pace and trickery (he also got a red card and sparked a brawl vs #TFC in 2012). #MNUFCpic.twitter.com/MabNIOSi4x

— Jason Foster (@JogaBonito_USA) March 31, 2018

This is not a fun prospect for a Portland defense that’s struggled all season no matter the team shape or personnel.

San Jose Earthquakes vs. Houston Dynamo

10:30 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

I think I’m going to do a deep dive on the Quakes after this weekend. They’re a team who I thought would be better than they have been – they have talent at every stop from front to back, they’re capable of playing some attractive soccer (as Magnus Eriksson’s goal last weekend showed), and their results haven’t been bad.

But they also haven’t been good, and that’s why Mikael Stahre is talking about making some lineup changes. The big issue for me has been in central midfield, where Florian Jungwirth has been meh and Anibal Godoy has been actively bad. We’re getting deep into the weeds here, but let me link you to the Expected Goal Chain page on AmericanSoccerAnalysis. Toy around with it a bit and you’ll see that, in terms of measurable contribution to the attack, Godoy ranks below pretty much all of the league’s starting midfielders and most of the league’s starting center backs.

He does not, and has not moved the ball well. In this case the eye test matches the underlying numbers that the nerds have cobbled together.

Same, to be honest, with Houston. The eye test says they’ve played well, but 1) they can’t defend on the break because they’re slow at the back, and 2) they can’t finish. And lo-and-behold, nobody’s given up more fastbreak goals and nobody’s squandered more big chances.

Sunday Funday

Sporting KC vs. Seattle Sounders

4 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

I’ve been banging on about Big Chances all column, so let me just show you what’s gone wrong with Seattle and what’s gone right with SKC in one handy-dandy excel table:

Club Big Chance Created Big Chance Scored Big Chance Missed NY Red Bulls 12 9 4 Sporting KC 12 6 9 Houston 12 3 11 NYCFC 11 7 11 Atlanta 10 8 8 LAFC 10 6 6 New England 10 5 6 Minnesota 9 5 5 LA Galaxy 8 6 7 Philadelphia 8 3 5 Orlando 7 6 3 Real Salt Lake 7 3 8 Montreal 7 2 5 Portland 6 3 5 FC Dallas 6 2 5 Colorado 5 6 4 Columbus 5 6 4 Vancouver 5 5 3 Toronto FC 5 3 6 D.C. United 5 3 6 San Jose 5 2 5 Chicago 4 6 3 Seattle 3 0 3

Atlanta United vs. NYCFC

6 pm ET | Match preview | TV & streaming info

Easily the most interesting match-up, tactically or otherwise, of the weekend. NYCFC had huge success midweek by tinkering with using Jesus Medina as a false 9 – basically just stationing him in the gap between RSL’s central midfield and defense and letting a pair of inverted wingers run inside off of him. They won 4-0 and the visitors were never in the game, not for a single second.

I don’t necessarily expect to see that again in this one. David Villa made his return to action after a month, and that should mean Medina can return to his more natural winger role. But it’s a good club for Patrick Vieira to have in his bag (and let’s all remember that Villa pretty famously played as an inverted winger off a false 9 himself for that 2011 Barcelona team that won the Champions League).

Atlanta United, meanwhile, have in part flipped their identity from 2017. Last year they were about pinning teams into the defensive third and forcing defenders to scramble back toward their own goal. This year they’re holding the ball deeper, building from the back and trying to pull defenders upfield:

That’s provided them with acres of space to attack pretty regularly. And when Atlanta get space to attack, they put the ball in the net.

NYCFC are first in the league with 2.67 ppg and a +10 goal differential. Atlanta are second with 2.4 ppg and a +7. On top of all that, it looks like Ezequiel Barco could make his MLS debut.

Feel free to enjoy this one even if you hate both teams. Good soccer is its own reward.

One more thing to ponder…

Be right down!

Happy weekending, everybody.

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MLSsoccer.com News

Armchair Analyst: Your complete guide to the Week 7 MLS slate was originally published on 365 Football

[the-redcapesarecoming]

Sequel Trilogy is (Mostly) a Fuck

My spoiler-filled thoughts:

There are three things I can almost unabashedly praise: the visuals, the action, and the acting.

-All the actors give tremendous performances.

-The space combat, scale of the ships, and lightsaber/Force scenes are pulse-pounding and awesome.

-This was probably the prettiest Star Wars movie with gorgeous locations, outfits, colors, and cinematography.

There were a few visual quirks I didn’t like.

-While puppet Yoda is cool, his eyes look weird. They seem puffy or maybe his pupils are too big or something because they look weird.

-Leia flying through space like Mary Poppins is ridiculous. It looks ridiculous and it also doesn’t make sense how she did it, without any training in advanced abilities, while on the brink of death.

-Snoke looks weird as hell also. As soon as he stands up and starts walking around I noticed how weird he looks, and not in a good way. His closeups especially look bad. and he. Does. Not. Stop. Talking.

-Hux being Force choked looks weird and underwhelming for such a huge shift in their dynamic.

-It looks underwhelming when Broomboi uses the Force to grab the broom. It’s so quick and pushed to the side of the screen that most people didn’t even notice it. Also how the hell does an untrained child worker know how to use telekinesis when Anakin couldn’t as an untrained child and Luke took three years of waiting while going off of basic training to use it?

-The Falthiers look good in closeups but while in motion they seem fake as hell.

-The Porgs look like stuff animals with strings tied to their wings.

-Luke’s little twirl spin move while fighting Kylo looks weird, as did his Force feather fall while fighting Rey. Brushing dust off his shoulder after he’s fired on is bit much. A bit cheesy.

The story and the characters are almost entirely gutted.

Poe Dameron is awful in this movie.

-His whole arc is learning to be less of a hotshot and more of a leader but they went about it horribly.

-All his interactions with Leia and Holdo reek of mysogony.

-His first conflict with Leia comes out of nowhere and makes him look entirely incompetent and reckless. He has not been shown to be so ridiculously reckless in any previous material.

-His entire conflict with Holdo is ridiculously manufactured. Why is her plan kept secret? It makes no sense! She tells him that she is trying to preserve hope among the crew but she leaves them in the dark and lets them think they are waiting to die? What point is there to keeping it a secret? And then Poe starts a damn mutiny with the younger crew? Poe worships Leia and yet he suddenly starts acting out and disobeying orders and sticking it to the command, a command who is very close with Leia, all out of nowhere. All so Rian Johnson can say, “look, the guy who isn’t Whito Ren gets to do stuff! See I’m not ignoring him!!”

-Holdo is okay but she needed more of an explained background. She seems to come out of nowhere and so her very loving interactions with Leia seem weird to anyone who hasn’t read the Leia novel. Also, while her light speed suicide attack is visually magnificent, it begs the question why the Rebels never use it before, seeing how one light speed flagship can take out like thirty star destroyers.

-A ton of the old Rebellion command, like Ackbar, dies super unceremoniously. And no Lando, which blows for obvious reasons.

Why the hell are they still acting like Lupita Nyong’o is a real member of the cast when they give her one 30 second scene telling some people to find a person. Her character is so underused.

Finn and Rose are underwhelming.

-His arc is about committing himself to the cause of the Resistance.

-Her arc is about educating Finn to the evils of animal cruelty and war profiteering and saying one line about saving those you love rather than fighting those you hate which is? I don’t know? Is it profound? Is it paradoxical? I don’t know.

-DJ exists to say one line about not joining the fight, which doesn’t seem to affect Finn at all despite that being an aspect of his character. Also his betrayal comes out of nowhere and makes zero sense. How the hell was he able to sell the Resistance’s plan to the First Order when himself, Finn, and Rose don’t even know it?

-The worst offence is that this entire subplot is completely pointless. They never achieve their goal and that goal doesn’t even become relevant. If it didn’t exist the movie would be entirely the same. This is a gross misuse of Finn’s character and an awful introduction for Rose as a character of significance.

-The fact that Rose kisses Finn is cool in that it’s an interracial non-white romance but weird because now there seems to be a love square with Rose liking Finn, Finn liking Rey, and Rey with her stupid thing with Kylo. In any case, it didn’t feel significant. I didn’t feel like their relationship developed to the point where her kissing him feels natural or earned. It feel like it was thrown in there to keep Finn away from Rey and Poe.

-No Finnpoe and no Finnrey.

-Violence against Finn is used for comedy again. Which is very bad.

-I will say that his fight with Phasma is pretty cool. She is towering and has such presence but Finn fights hard and I really feel that he was fighting everything the First Order stood for. I really liked how he cracked her helmet and so cracked the entire image her and the FO represent. Although it doesn’t feel like the whole fight really affects him. He’s not really changed by it. His whole arc doesn’t really go anywhere except him trying and failing to sacrifice himself, which seemed OOC to me.

-I feel like his hatred for First Order ideals are not really pushed enough even though that would be a great thing to explore. His attempted sacrifice feels like he is just trying to be a Good Guy when it should be so much more.

-I don’t like how he calls himself rebel scum. I never liked that phrase. I get the whole ‘reclaiming an insult’ thing but it’s used so often as an insult to rebels that I can’t see it as a term of endearment.

-Phasma dying is another waste of her character, a character I was very interested in having read her novel.

-I like the scene with Broomboi and the general theme of heroes coming from anywhere, but I wish they didn’t have to trash on the characters and themes of the OT to do it.

Luke fucking Skywalker.

-I can buy the whole ‘losing one’s faith then finding it again’ arc. I was willing to get behind that back when TFA came out. But they single-handedly created the worst characterization of Luke I have ever seen.

-The fact that he, even if only for a moment, legitimately thinks about killing his own nephew in his sleep because he senses the darkness in him is so OOC it might as well not be Luke Skywalker. This is Luke fucking Skywalker! The man who refused to give up on Darth Vader! Even knowing all the horrible things he’d done, Luke still held on to that hope, to the point where he was almost killed! Yes he’s skirted with darkness before but the whole point of ROTJ was that he learned his lesson! He matured and became a Jedi! This is so horribly out-of-character for him and only exists to make Crylo Ren sympathetic. They killed the Luke we knew to make Kylo sympathetic. That’s horrible.

-It really hurt hearing him say all those horrible things about the Jedi, even if he is plainly wrong.

-His scenes with Chewie, Artoo, and Yoda were all pretty good except I don’t like how Yoda destroyed the tree and claims that Rey doesn’t need that wisdom when she barely learns a damn thing from Luke. She starts her training by saying that using the Force is about lifting rocks and is shown to be wrong. At the end of the movie, she repeats that while lifting rocks. She hadn’t learned a damn thing and suddenly she’s the new heir to the Jedi? Fuck Luke I guess right? Fuck the Jedi as a real religion I guess right?

-I heard people say that Rey takes the books from the tree, which does significantly change the Yoda scene, but I didn’t catch it on my first viewing. Either way, Rey didn’t learn enough about the Jedi and the Force to make me believe she can lead a new order, books or no books, Force Ghost Luke or no Force Ghost Luke. I don’t believe she has that wisdom from what I’ve seen of her.

-Having Luke closed off to the Force is a clever way to get out of having to use Force Ghosts but it’s still dumb as hell to not use Force Ghosts except for the obligatory TESB Yoda moment. There is no indication as to why only Yoda shows up and why only at that moment.

-Finally, Luke returns to the fight. I like how he says in the beginning, “did you think I would take my laser-sword and face down the entire First Order alone?” Then by the end he actually does.

-I like Luke as a galactic legend and uber-powerful Jedi. However, Force projection is a weird and kind of dumb power. He has his X-wing. He could have just fixed it and flown there. Then done some crazy Force power to escape with the Resistance.

-While the binary sunset scene is utterly gorgeous, Luke dying is awful. I know he is obviously a Force Ghost because he vanishes but having him die at all, especially from exhaustion of all things, is a terrible idea. His arc is about rediscovering his faith and he does. Except he doesn’t do anything with it. He shows up, reminding the galaxy that the legendary Luke Skywalker and last Jedi still exists, then just dies. He may not even show up as a Force Ghost for all we know. It seems to be all up to Rey who doesn’t know jack shit about the Jedi. Force Ghost or not, I wanted Luke in the flesh to rebuild the Jedi! I wanted Luke in the flesh to confront Kylo and rejoin Leia and return to his legendary status!

-I don’t remember exactly but I don’t think Han’s death was mentioned outside of one line, a sad look from Luke, and those dice which is so disheartening.

Rey’s character is gutted too.

-She has all this enthusiasm to learn from Luke about the Jedi and the Force but she’s suddenly super interested in the dark side and Kylo Ren.

-I hate that she starts sympathizing and insisting he can become good again even when everything he’s shown her has proved otherwise. Everything he says and does shows how evil and twisted he is and the only thing Rey goes off of is the stupid ‘Luke trying to kill Kylo’ backstory which is dumb and bad.

-She’s thrown into this sexist role of ‘this bad boy is misunderstood and I can save him from himself because I’m so good and pure and he had a rough childhood :(“. Her entire character revolves around him.

-I HATE the Kylo shirtless scene. I hate it so much. It is so out of place and he’s not even good looking and it is total pandering to the fucking freaks and fangirls.

-R*ylos are going to have a fucking field day which I hate.

-I hate that she fucking attacks Luke in the back and starts fighting him, even bringing in the fucking lightsaber, after hearing a story from a murderer she hated five minutes ago.

-The things Kylo say and do to her in this movie are textbook abuse. This coming off of the allegory for rape in the last movie. He literally tells her she’s nothing but she means something to him. That shit is so damn creepy and toxic.

-I hate that even after Kylo straight up tells her he’s still evil they suddenly fight back-to-back like they’re best fucking friends. It’s a dumb red herring to make the audience think a redemption is coming when no one should fucking want him redeemed after his actions in this movie.

-I don’t like how she’s Rey Random. Whether Kylo is lying or not, and I doubt he is because the mirror didn’t show her parents, having Rey be so unbelievably powerful in the Force makes no sense. I don’t like the explanation either. Snoke explains that because Kylo is so strong in the dark side, and I guess there isn’t any other noteworthy Force users, the Force rises in Rey to match him. That is some bull fucking shit. There isn’t some fucking Force lottery where it makes two uber powerful Force users and has them duke it out. This is like the god damn Mortis arc of TCW, which I HATE because how it becomes overly-fantasy in a stupid way.

-Snoke claims that he made their Force bond but that comes out of fucking nowhere. There is no indication he did that. The bond just happens, then halfway through the movie he just mentions that he did it. No foreshadowing whatsoever.

Kylo is the only character with a halfway decent arc.

-I guess that makes sense since this is The Kylo Show (dir. Rain “Incel” Johnson).

-I like how he gets tossed around by Snoke. I like how utterly dominating Snoke’s power is.

-I hate that Snoke dies with no backstory. We still don’t know who the fuck he is, where the fuck he came from, and why he’s so fucking powerful. I don’t hate the fact he died, and his death scene is pretty cool, I just hate how he is barely a character.

-I like the idea of Renperor and making Kylo the actual villain.

-I like how Kylo and Hux’s dynamic shifts from competitive to submissive. It’s cool seeing how now that Kylo has no one controlling him, his Force powers put him in an entirely different position from Hux.

-I like how Kylo is proven to be a shitty Supreme Leader, too focused on destroying his past rather than effectively destroying his enemies.

It is a really long movie and it feels like a lot happened, but in actuality it has never been more the same.

-The First Order has basically taken over the galaxy. They were very strong and they’re still very strong.

-The Resistance is shot to shit. They were an underdog and now they’re even more of an underdog.

-The Jedi are in need of restoring. They were destroyed, were thought to be coming back, destroyed again, and are now thought to be coming back again.

-Finn is now a sure hearted Resistance fighter. He left the FO, fought with the Resistance, tries leaving, then joins back with the Resistance.  

-Poe is a Resistance leader. He was a Resistance leader, suddenly becomes a shitty one, then becomes a good one again.

-Rey has the Force. She could use the Force and fight really well with a lightsaber, and now she still can.

-Kylo Ren is the Supreme Leader. His is the only meaningful development. He was a stooge of Snoke’s, finally saw the chance to kill him and seize power, and did it.

-Luke is dead, probably a Force Ghost but that’s unknown currently. He was a great Jedi, then suddenly becomes an incredibly shitty person, then becomes depressed and bitter, then gets better, then dies.

-The state of the galaxy is still the status quo of the beginning of the OT. Any real story and character development is either undone, minimal, or unnecessary.

  Most of the humour didn’t work for me.

-It was way too Marvel-like, always undercutting the tension, suspense, and drama for a cheap laugh.

-Some of it worked, especially when it was in a scene designed for comedic relief rather than during what should be a serious moment.

I don’t think there was any new music. What gives? All I heard was music from TFA and the OT. This is the most disappointing Star Wars soundtrack ever.

I get that these are made for kids, now more than ever, but this shows a marked difference between Lucas!Star Wars and Disney!Star Wars.

-Under George Lucas, it told a complete story utilizing mythical archetypes that ensured it would always be a timeless tale. On top of that, he created a deeply complex galaxy with immeasurable developed cultures and rich lore. He created boundary-pushing technology to sell all of this to the audience. And through it all, he kept it fun and enjoyable for everyone.

-Under Disney, it has become just another big budget movie franchise, akin to the MCU and Transformers, where the characters and plot never move forward and they can keep pumping these easily-marketable flicks out with minimal effort at innovation and good story-telling. They just reuse the aesthetic of the OT and slowly destroy and replace the characters we love with their own poorly developed versions.

-I love the diverse casting and female lead for kids to look up to, but this isn’t true Star Wars. It can’t stand next to episodes 1-6 as worthy sequels to a modern myth. That’s not totally a bad thing though. This is made for a new generation and they do seem to be enjoying these heroes and villains. But it isn’t truly Star Wars. It won’t hold up. It’s not timeless. The saga wasn’t continued because there was a story to tell, it was continued to make money. It’s too focused on ignoring the prequels and destroying the OT to replace it with their own brand of Star Wars.

-Really, I wish we got the story that takes place between episode 6 and 7 rather than this. I wanted to see the New Republic. I wanted to see Luke travel the galaxy and teach new Jedi. I wanted to see Ben’s fall to the dark side if they were going to go that route. It feels like Disney destroyed everything the OT characters fought for and accomplished so they could reuse OT aesthetics and draw in that crowd of fans.

-I was willing to give it a chance after TFA, but this is a new and different franchise under Disney. And that comes with a bit of good and a lot of bad.

-For me, true Star Wars is episode 1 to the immediate aftermath of episode 6 (where everything is still good for the characters and galaxy) and all the canon material in between (books, comics, shows, movies). The exception is the non-canon 2003 Clone Wars series which I count as canon and love even more than the canon 2008 The Clone Wars series, which I also count as canon despite them contradicting each other.

-I’m not jumping ship and giving up on Disney!Star Wars altogether, but I do certainly mark the sequel trilogy and whole sequel era as distinct from Lucas!Star Wars and the canon content spanning episodes 1-6. I am not holding nearly as much of a stake in the sequel era as I was.