#i literally miss my period not i missed i MISS that bitch

[panb1mbo]

oooo love it when the suicidal ideation be ideating

[reamed]

ya know what I’m deciding not to give a shit if my job doesn’t like me missing work bcuz I’m in agonizing pain

[maiteo]

[lover-of-mine]

.

[onyxclub5]

I GOT THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND OF THE COMPETITION THAT COULD GET ME OUT OF STUDYING FOR EXAMS !!!!!

[threadmonster]

Car dealership douchecanoe treated me like some unreasonable crazy person for inquiring about "why the fuck is there foam in the CD player. It is unusable. Inspect it and remove it." But I said it more professionally!

He was stuck on the mindset of "why do you care? No one cares about that stuff. CDs are not important. No one uses them. I'm middle-aged and I don't own any."

He'll take an actual look at it if I come back with a CD. Because using something with the same thickness just to show "yeah there is maybe a fraction of a mm of space in there." He is only doing this because I name dropped my dad (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠)⁠・⁠・⁠・

[byersbootyshorts]

Not So Smart Now (S.R.)

Spencer’s intelligence and cocky attitude has always infuriated you. So, when given the chance, you revel in putting him in his place.

Word Count: 2,882

EXPLICIT CONTENT MINORS DNI!!

Warnings: sub!s7!Spencer, dom!reader, smut, unprotected sex, hate sex, dumbification, slapping, degradation, alcohol consumption, language

cocky Spencer is so yummy I wanna rip him apart

This case had been rough. The unsub had slipped through your fingers again and again and each time it seemed like he slipped further away. You forced your eyes to focus as you combed through a plethora of files, trying desperately to find something that could link the unsub to his victims. You sipped your coffee like your life depended on it, but not even the caffeine could help you find what you were missing. Morgan was sitting opposite you and he sighed in frustration. Emily paced back and forth going through the case in her head. You were all stumped.

You looked up at the investigation board, trying to give your eyes a rest from the tiny black letters they’d been staring at. You scanned the photos of the crime scenes. All of the women were found dead in their backyard. Drowned in the clean blue waters of their outdoor pools. You raised a brow, your eyes flicking frantically between the photos. The clean… blue… CLEAN!

“Oh my God, that’s it!” you exclaimed, springing out of your chair in excitement. Emily and Morgan looked at you with expectant expressions.

“What?” Emily asked after you stared in awe at what you’d missed for so long.

“All the pools, they were-,” you began, but just as you were about to explain your theory, Spencer burst through the door, not even aware that you were revealing a crucial part of the case, and began rambling.

“Guys, all the pools were cleaned the day each victim was killed. There wasn’t so much as a leaf or a bug sitting on the surface of the water. So, I checked, and they all hired the same pool cleaner.”

Spencer set a file down on the table that contained a picture of the guy you assumed was the unsub that had been evading you for so long. But you couldn’t even feel relief that you’d finally found him. Because you didn’t find him. Well, you would’ve if Spencer ‘boy genius’ Reid hadn’t of found him first.

The team rifled through photos and records of the unsub for a few minutes before Morgan finally asked you, “Oh, what was it you figured out?”

You glanced over at Spencer with a look that could kill before answering, “It doesn’t matter now. I think Spencer’s got it all covered.” Your voice was higher pitched than usual as you tried your best to fake a pleasant tone. You plastered a false smile on your face and Morgan shrugged, looking back down at the pages on the table.

You tried to follow suit, picking up a page printed with the guy’s phone records. You knew the only thing on your mind should be figuring out how to find this son of a bitch. But you couldn’t concentrate. You were literally seconds away from saying exactly what Spencer said before he stormed in and stole your thunder. He did it all the time. And you hated him for it.

The case was solved and the unsub was found. As always, the team congratulated Spencer on figuring it all out. And you allowed them to. One thing didn’t want to do was make a fuss and say you solved it too. But if he smiled that stupid, cocky smile one more time, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to contain your anger. And sure enough, you couldn’t.

You had just touched down at Quantico. You walked with Emily and JJ to the bullpen to collect some things before leaving. Then, as always, you ended up standing around your desk chatting about the case.

“I don’t think I’ve ever drunk as much coffee in a 24 hour period than I did on that case,” Emily laughed.

“It was rough,” JJ sighed. “I’m glad we got him. I don’t know how many pools there are in Florida but if we hadn’t of caught him I’m sure he wouldn’t have run out of victims.”

You smiled. Finally this was something that would prove your intelligence to the group.

“Actually there’s one mill-,”

“There are one million, five hundred and ninety thousand pools in Florida.”

You turned around to glare at who’d interrupted you. Your eyes narrowed when you saw Spencer sitting at his desk. He hadn’t even looked up from his computer before he’d stolen your opportunity to be smart.

“Oh my God!” you shouted, your eyes widening in disbelief. Of course he had interrupted you again.

Spencer turned to face you at the sound of your raised voice. A puzzled expression spread across his face. He was clueless. He didn’t even know he was doing it.

You knew you should just let it slide and say, “Yeah, that’s correct,” or “That’s what I was going to say,” but you couldn’t this time. You were done putting up with him constantly undermining you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you said, almost laughing at just how much of an ignorant asshole he was.

“Huh?” Spencer grunted, getting up from his desk and walking towards the three of you.

“You don’t even know what you’re doing, do you?” you asked. You stepped forward so there were only inches between the two of you. Your eyes stared daggers into his.

Spencer shook his head in confusion, his breath wavering slightly. You pretended not to notice the blood rush from his face and down his neck towards… Nope. You weren’t thinking about that.

“You know what, just forget it,” you said, stepping away from him. “You’re not worth my time.” You grabbed your bag, stormed out of the building, got in your car, and sped home.

It had been about thirty minutes since you’d slammed your apartment door, grabbed a bottle of vodka from your cabinet and sat on your couch, scrolling aimlessly through random TV channels. You drank straight from the bottle, your mind reeling with hatred for Spencer. It was like he had some sort of radar that could sense when you were going to say something impressive. And when that radar went off, he had to come in and ruin everything. He was such a know-it-all. And maybe he did know it all, but he didn’t have to rub it in everyone’s faces all the time.

You took another swig from the bottle and sighed. You had no idea how you were going to face him the next day. Being on the team with him was becoming insufferable. You had to do something to stop yourself from wanting to punch him every time you saw him.

It was just past midnight, but you were still wide awake, when you heard a knock on your door. Your brow furrowed as you considered who it could be at this late hour. You set the bottle of vodka on the coffee table and went to unlock the door. When the door swung open your eyes darkened at the figure in front of you. It was Spencer.

“What is your problem with me?” he asked, not even bothering to say hello.

You let out an uncontrollable laugh of sheer anger at his utter obliviousness. The only reason he should be showing up at your door in the middle of the night was to apologise. And yet here he was, not even aware of what he’d done wrong.

“You are unbelievable,” you sighed, turning away from the door and walking back into your apartment. Spencer took that as an invitation to come in, so he stepped forward and shut the door behind him.

“No, seriously, why don’t you like me?” he insisted. “Because I can’t think of anything I’ve done to you that should make you act like this.”

Spencer’s voice raised and his tone became sharp. You couldn’t believe this. He was angry? He had no right to be angry with you.

“Well, Doctor Reid, maybe you’re not as smart as you think you are if you can’t figure out something that’s so painfully obvious,” you snapped.

“Enlighten me, then. Tell me why you hate me so much,” Spencer retorted.

“No,” you said. “If you can’t see what you’re doing wrong then I’m not telling you.”

“Tell me why you hate me and I’ll tell you why I hate you.”

You paused for a moment. You knew your feelings towards him were of hatred, but you had no idea he returned those feelings. Now you were curious

“I hate you because you can’t shut up for one second to let someone else say something smart for once,” you began hastily, desperate to know what he hated about you, but also relieved to get everything off your chest. “Everyone knows you’re a genius, Spencer. You don’t need to prove it all the damn time.”

“What, so you hate me because I’m smart?” Spencer questioned.

“No, I hate you because you don’t let anyone else be smart. I hate you because you get that stupid little grin on your face every time you say something smart.” You began walking towards him, slowly backing him against the wall. “I hate you because every time I see you I have to force myself not to slap that cocky grin right off your face.”

Spencer stayed silent for a moment. He was almost right up against the wall. Your face was so close to his you could feel his breath. You could also feel something else starting to grow in his pants.

“Well, don’t force yourself this time,” Spencer breathed.

“What?” you asked, confused.

“Hit me,” he said bluntly, his mouth widening into that familiar, infuriating grin.

“Oh, don’t tempt me,” you said, taking a step back.

“No, do it. Hit me,” he said, genuinely.

You gave him a hesitant look but he continued to smirk like he was the smartest man alive. You made up your mind. He was giving you the opportunity and you weren’t going to turn it down. You raised your hand and slapped him hard on the cheek. Spencer whined and his hand flew to his face. He rubbed the red mark that was appearing on his cheekbone but his eyes never left yours. And that stupid grin remained on his face.

“Just out of curiosity, is there anything you do like about me?”

You seriously considered his question. You tried to think of one thing you liked about him. It was harder than you thought. Until you remembered the way his breath hitched when you got near him.

“I like that when you look at me your dick gets hard,” you said calmy, grabbing his wrist and pulling his hand away from his face. “I like that I have the power over you to make you do that.” You traced your fingers over the red spot where your hand hit his cheek. “You might be a genius but you’re still just a man. You have needs.” With your other hand, you lightly touched the bulge in his pants. He swallowed but still his eyes remained locked on yours. “Your mind might be one of the greatest of our time, but your body is just like every other man’s. You say you hate me but your body’s telling me something very different. It’s pathetic.” You pushed him back again so he hit the wall. “I could lower your IQ one hundred points just by fucking you,” you whispered.

“Wanna bet?” Spencer raised an eyebrow.

Without hesitation you slammed your lips onto his. He whimpered as his head hit the wall behind him, but soon he melted into the kiss. You could feel his lips curl upwards against yours. He was fucking smiling. He was enjoying this. That only enraged you more. You pushed yourself away from him and glared at him.

“Come here,” you said, turning around and walking towards your bedroom. You escorted Spencer inside the dimly lit room and turned to face him again. You looked down at the ever-growing bulge in his pants and began unbuckling his belt in silence. He sighed when you pulled down his underwear.

“You know what? I excepted more from you, Doctor Reid,” you said finally, smirking down at his below average sized cock that was now fully exposed to you.

Spencer said nothing, but, for the first time, his eyes drifted away from yours.

“Oh, don’t worry. That’s not a bad thing,” you smiled, wrapping your hand around it. “That just means I can take it for longer.”

You picked up the pace of your hand and Spencer moaned quietly. His head fell to lean on your shoulder and he sucked a spot on your neck. Eventually, you lifted your hand from his dick and began unbuttoning his shirt. When you pulled his shirt off his arms you turned your mouth to his ear and whispered, “I’m going to fuck you dumb.”

You pushed him down onto the bed. He lay there while you undressed, taking in your figure. You climbed on top of him and his hands immediately travelled to your thighs. He stared up at you with that smart ass glint in his eye. He wouldn’t look like that for long.

You didn’t flinch as you lowered yourself onto his dick. Spencer squirmed slightly beneath you, trying his best to stifle a whimper.

“I- I know a ton of other facts about Florida, you know. Not just how many pools there are” he said, his smugness slowly draining from his body as you rode him.

“You won’t know them for long,” you smiled, alternating your pace between fast and slow. Your inconstant rhythm was torturing Spencer.

“It’s state flower is the orange blossom,” he said confidently. “And it’s the flattest US state.”

“Shut up,” you whispered, anger flaring up in you again. You wished you could tear his brain right out of his head.

“It’s also 65,758 square m-miles, making it the 22nd largest s-state,” he continued, his words slowly starting to slur.

You looked down at the egotistical smile that was still plastered on his face, despite his stuttering. “Shut up!” you said, raising your voice. You lifted your hand and slapped him again. Harder this time. The whimper that Spencer had been holding in since you started finally escaped his lips.

And, at last, he shut up. The only noise he made was the occasional whine every time you quickened your pace.

“You masochistic fuck,” you laughed, grabbing his shoulders as your thighs began to burn. “All I had to do was hit you again and you’re reduced to a whimpering mess.”

“Shit,” Spencer breathed. “I- I’m go-.” But he couldn’t even warn you before you felt his cum shoot inside of you.

“Not so smart now, huh Doc?” you said shakily. Your breathing was ragged but that didn’t stop you. It didn’t matter that Spencer was finished. You weren’t.

Spencer didn’t get time to recover from his high as you immediately began to pick up your pace again, grinding harder and harder as his cum seeped out between your legs.

“Why don’t you tell me another fact?” you taunted. He looked as though he couldn’t speak, never mind tell you a fact. “What about an easy one? What’s the population of Florida?” you asked.

“It’s, uh- I don’t-. Fuck, I don’t know,” he stuttered.

“Seems like I won the bet then,” you panted. His hips jerked up and you moaned at the sudden movement. Finally seeing Spencer a pathetic heap below you sent you over the edge. You came without a uttering a word. The sensation caused Spencer to shake beneath you as he came for the second time.

You rolled off him and sighed. Spencer’s chest moved rapidly up and down as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck,” he said under his breath, brushing his hands through his hair.

“What? Are you annoyed that I made you dumb?” you asked, your voice laced with patronization. He rolled his eyes at you and you turned onto your side so your face was close to his.

“You know, you never told me why you hate me,” you said, running your finger down his chest, making his stomach tense.

“It doesn’t matter,” Spencer mumbled, his face flushing slightly.

“Yes it does,” you argued. “I told you, so now you have to tell me.”

Spencer hesitated for a moment before he whispered, barely audibly, “I hate you because… Well, I-.”

“I can’t hear you,” you said, looking at him expectantly.

“I hate you because I’ve wanted you to do that to me since the day I met you,” he blurted out.

You chuckled, grabbing his chin between your finger and thumb. “Well, if you’d told me that when you met me then this could’ve happened a lot sooner.”

“You wanted this to happen?” Spencer asked, a smile forming on the corners of his mouth.

“I wanted to prove you’re not a genius all the time. The sex is just an added bonus,” you explained.

Spencer’s cocky grin appeared back on his face and in an instant you were reminded of how much you detested him.

“Oh, it’s a bonus?” Spencer smirked. “Does that mean you want to do it again?”

You scoffed at his confidence. “I hate you,” you groaned, as you climbed back on top of him, ready to leave him a dumb, pathetic mess once more.

[sunflowerskies00]

too sweet, part 4

how do you sleep so well?

series master list

liked by _quinnhughes, markestapa, trevorzegras, and others

yourusername: somewhere on a beach

rutgermcgroarty: come home plz i can't handle him anymore

yourusername: but i love the beach rutgermcgroarty: i miss my sanity yourusername: boo hoo get over it

trevorzegras: i just know quinn is going mad with the lack of clothing in these posts

_quinnhughes: i really don't like you yourusername: Quinn Hughes- Trevor's #1 Hater trevorzegras: ^ i just don't get it. i'm awesome _quinnhughes: incorrect

jackhughes: have you ever heard of pants? or a t-shirt?

yourusername: i have no idea what those things are. enlighten me big brother jackhughes: ur impossible yourusername: impossibly good-looking? I know. I'm the hottest out of all of us lhughes_06: no chance, ur like 3rd at best. yourusername: uncalled for luca.fantilli: she's better looking than you bud lhughes_06 rutgermcgroarty: ^ for sure trevorzegras: i'm not trying to get punched but I gotta agree ^ markestapa: ^ sorry luke she wins that fight edwards.73: she's just the hottest. period. *comment deleted* edwards.73: she wins it's not even a competition

username43: lmao ethan tries to be slick but everyone still sees his comments

username00: please he's so far gone for her it's not even funny

taylorrose: please can i be you

yourusername: can you be me?? can i be you??? taylorrose: i'm your biggest fan yourusername: that's crazy bc i'm your biggest fan lhughes_06: this is disgusting jackhughes: ^honestly yourusername: i'm so sorry you don't get to experience of magic of friendship- hyping each other up and pretending we're in love lhughes_06 jackhughes taylorrose: pretending?? we're literally married yourusername: TAYLOR we weren't going to tell anyone yet luca.fantilli: tf is this comment thread rutger.mcgroarty: bruh what happened to us getting married?? yourusername yourusername: rut that was only in your dreams

username26: me patiently waiting for ethan to notice that rut said he was going to marry y/n

username65: fr where is he

edwards.73: you wish she would marry you rutgermcgroarty

rutgermcgroarty: mmm i don't think I'm the one in this friendship who's wishing she would marry them

liked by jackhughes, edwards.73, and others

yourusername: can i just stay here forever?

lhughes_06: please do

yourusername: bitch yourusername: you'd be lost without me yourusername: i'm literally your best friend. the number of texts i have telling me to come see you in jersey prove it lhughes_06: so ur just gonna expose me like that? jackhughes: please she's exposing nothing we all know ur waiting for the day she moves to jersey _quinnhughes: fr not a secret that you actually miss her dude trevorzegras: aw baby hughes 1 misses baby hughes 2 yourusername: i hate that stupid nickname lhughes_06: fr^ yourusername: i miss you too lukey lhughes_06 *liked by lhughes_06*

username25: wait luke and y/n's love for each other is adorable

username35: REAL it's so cute how close they are username21: we love the twins

taylorrose: please the frat boys would love that

yourusername: they really would wouldn't they _quinnhughes: frat boys? yourusername: oh yeah they love me yourusername: i've got so many prospective husbands edwards.73: i thought you hated frat boys? yourusername: no i hate umich frat boys, the ones here- damn. rutgermcgroarty: uh oh he didn't like that answer yourusername: that's tough

_alexturcotte: rainbow!

yourusername: rainbow!

username24: please alex comments the most random shit

username35: ignoring the chaos of her comments 😂

edwards.73: damn.

yourusername: thanks? edwards.73: it was a compliment yourusername: i know just wanted you to say it edwards.73: 🙄 edwards.73: ur gonna pay for that one yourusername: oh no don't threaten me with a good time _quinnhughes: wtf is happening rutgermcgroarty: please tell me ur going to her house PLEASE IM BEGGING lhughes_06: tf did I miss jackhughes: i'd also like to know ^ luca.fantilli: i don't think you do lhughes_06 jackhughes _quinnhughes

[tryingtofindava]

eyeless jack dating headcanons pls :)

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐉𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬*ೃ༄

: ̗̀➛Back to source

He broke into your apartment with the intentions of harvesting your organs.

When he held the scalpel to your hip, and you began to stir awake. Mf froze.

Oh shit.

“What the fuck?”

Now bro only kills to eat, and when he does, he make sure it’s as painless for the victim as possible (unless he’s in a frenzy).

And That so called victim being awake? That just makes it 100x harder to get the task done.

And when you wake up to see a 6’6 man with an oddly terrifying blue mask holding a scalpel to your hip?

You (rightfully) freak tf out.

He’s not a sadist like some ppl… (cough Jeff Cough) So he probably awkwardly retreated back out to your window.

Anywayssss.

To the actual dating headcanons now.

You guys probably had a longgggggg ass slow burn. (not the only thing that’s long…)

The two of you definitely acted like a couple, before you were ACTUALLY a couple iykwim.

You find it so cool that your bfs a demon. He doesn’t really understand your excitement about it, since it’s literally a curse for him.

This boy is a walking furnace, he’s so cozy. So lots of winter cuddle sessions. Also perfect for when you on your period.

He purrs in his sleep. You can’t change my mind. You guys be cuddling on the couch all cute n’ shit and then there’s this soft buzzing sound… You crack open your eyes to look at him. His head on your lap as he naps.

“Babe… Are you purring?”

You asked with the biggest grin ever.

“…No.”

He likes when you read to him, he struggles to see (ik ik, he’s eyeless n shit, but I like to think he can still see, it’s js rlly rlly blurry or he has that heat vision where he can see body temps.) So when you can’t read to him, he just listens to audio books.

He’s a gentle giant towards you, y’all literally so cute. AND A GENTLEMAN🤭 he’s the whole damn package (minus the whole… cannibal eating ppl thing.)

He has animalistic like senses. So he can hear, and smell very well. So he can smell when you change your perfume or shampoo.

Imagine him leaning down to hug you (since you’re prob shorter than this tall ahh mf, nah seriously use the Hikaku sitatter site) and his face is buried in the crook of your neck. He’ll say shit like-

“Did you change you’re perfume to Miss Dior Eau De Parfum 30ml?”

“Wha-“

When he started getting comfortable taking his mask off around you, everytime he does you call him ‘Pretty boy’ 🤭.

HE WILL FOLD. Partially bcs he likes getting praised. Partially bcs he’s not a fan of the whole demon look.

His morning voice is literally so sexy help. Frothing at the mouth, on my knees barking.

Yk when you have like a sore head, and then you ask Google what’s up and Google’s all like ‘lol bitch you’re gonna die.’ You ask him about it obviously freaked out and he had to reassure your fine.

Walks in the rain at like 4am.

Every time he sees you, he’ll give you a quick forehead kiss.

Pls pls pls pls pls pls pls, I’m begging you. On my knees and begging for you to not look inside his mini fridge he has sitting in your storage room. Thank u.

He’s got some pretty gnarly things in there. Just be thankful he has the decency to not cross contaminate that shit with your food.

You guys slow dance in the kitchen to Mitski. He spins you around and all that cute shit.

He’s overprotective of you, and when you do get him to come out in public with you, he will growl at anyone that gets a little too close for his likings.

Wearing his hoodie<3. It just makes his dead heart happy.

SASSY MAN APOCALYPSE‼️💯💥

He may seem all quiet and sweet. But he’s sassy af. This. Dude. Has. Attitude.

When you’re telling him to do something in a tone, he’ll mouth you’re words with his hands.

When you guys are cuddling in your bed at night, he’ll randomly nibble on your neck to shoulder. He has sharp ass teeth so it’s a bit nippy, but he makes sure to be extra careful to not draw blood.

He smothers you when you’re under the weather. He’s literally so sweet omfg.

When you guys argue which is like 10% of the time, it takes awhile for him to get agitated. But even when he does he will NEVER raise his hands to you. Other than that he keeps calm.

He will though, get a bit mean, he probably doesn’t mean what he says it’s just a defence mechanism.

He makes it up to you with a cute little gift basket (he stole it.)

Y’all have probably kissed, and he still had the taste of blood in his mouth from eating someone’s kidneys<3

He can’t steal your organs but he can deffo rearrange them ;)

✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•✯.★*°•.°✯•.★*°°·.•°★•

[n3ptoonz]

Hello! I saw your most recent headcanon list thing with the Earthrealm guys being caught Slonking it Silly Style™ and uh. I was just wondering if you'd be willing to do something similar with the Outworld guys as well? Obviously you don't have to if you don't want to, but I think it would be neat! Thank you so much in advance! I love your work :)

deep, dramatic sigh. (kidding anon tysm i gush over comments like this ily smoochhhh) also the terminology made me laugh out loud ty for that

Shang Tsung

kinda sorta didn't gaf. who's to say he didn't want you to hear him. the world may never know

you were to report to him about some findings for his experiments and there he was, leaning over the table and straight up cranking it over a bucket (he's odd like that) honestly when you acknowledge your own presence he's like... can i help you?? you see i'm busy???

but at the same time he's like hold up i have a fine specimen here to help me out here...he's leaving here with SOMETHING (studio laughter)

Rain

i don't think he'd care either if you walked in on him. in fact, he might welcome it. he's used to having his own space, but he doesn't mind sharing it with people he's ok with being around. yes that includes you (is it only you? not even he knows yet)

day 8163 of using Rain's arrogance to push my narrative that he's not only in love with himself but how he looks in the mirror. you definitely walked in on him wanking it in the mirror and he'd freeze but recover so quick

ain't no way you're leaving here after you just caught him though. how else will his problems get solved? you went and made him hard all over again!

Reptile

syzoth has two, let's get that out the way. AND he uses both hands for them LMAOO

president of syzoth is a lil subby bitch society. so when you catch him tugging on both and reduced to a pathetic mess from his own hands??? he's frozen and quite literally has no clue what to do. he's sweaty, there's tears in his eyes, and his fangs are much more pronounced than usual

once you give him the green light that you're into whatever tf he was just doing watch him crawl over to you on all fours and hug your legs, practically begging you to touch him

Havik

expect this smug fuck to claim he wanted this to happen. dude was hunched over and going at it behind his own desk, grunting like a cave man who discovered self pleasure for the first time

1000% expect him to demand you help him, but instead it's after he froze for like 5 seconds and then tried to play it off

he would also be internally shocked when agree to finish the job, but on the outside it's like "that's what i thought...now get over here" whole time he's jumping up and down and twirling in his brain

Reiko

it's already rare that he has time to himself and definitely RARELY has time to be with you for an extended period of time, so you catching him when you wanted to surprise him with your presence it triggered his fight or fight LMAO

legit laughed at the thought of him jumping up from his chair hands ready to be thrown...but his dick is swinging PLSSSSSS

he's like well shit now he deserves your help after you almost got two pieced by your own boyfriend...but who's complaining?!

General Shao

this man weirdly reminds me of bowser sometimes. with that being said i think he'd do a BUAHA as a shocked sound when you catch him thwoping the schlong

as much as i can't fucking stand him he does look a lil better in this game i will admit. i'm not gonna sit up here and lie, he def has a HUGE wanker innit. so you didn't miss shit when you walked into his chambers

he would also demand your help. but if you have a lil push back just for fun, he'd eventually say please and be all soft and shit. why? cause it's you god damn it!

Baraka

let's be fr. truly i do not think mk1 baraka would masterbate simply bc he's like depressed all the time😭but for the sake of shits and gigs, ill humor y'all

let's say he hasn't seen you in a while and misses you dearly. he knew you were on a quest for a while, and he was very pent up... so what better way to release stress other than sparring! oh. not enough? time for another type spar 😈

if this were old baraka i'd say he has two 👁️ but since this version of tarkat is a disease let's say it made the skin around his wee like ribbed or something ya SO when you caught him he was in a straight up panic and apologizing profusely but once you calm him down and tell him you're glad he missed you so much, he's like oh shit...well help me out then...only if you want to!

a/n: i did it y'all FUCK. my bad for taking so long to release this i'm a perfectionist to a fault💀

[psyche-reads]

Hands down, the funniest thing to come out of my Locked Tomb reread is the fact that Gideon the First is very obviously Going Through It in HtN and literally no one gives a fuck. Aside from the fact that Pyrrha periodically takes control of his mind without his knowledge, so he has probably believed he’s insane for the past ten thousand years, this poor bitch knew ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL about the Ninth House Operation. Gideon and Pyrrha both fully believed that they had murdered their own child along with their girlfriend twenty years ago. 

Like, without context, it’s easy to miss when you’re reading it for the first time. I just kind of assumed that they had figured out that baby Gideon wasn’t theirs sometime before they shot down Wake’s shuttle, BUT NO. These absolute sadsacks had NO FUCKING CLUE why their batshit girlfriend brought their newborn baby on a suicide mission and were living with that shit for TWENTY YEARS. And their closest friends literally couldn’t give less of a shit. Like, Harrow had good reason to not care, but Mercy and Augustine were fully on board with Harrow murdering Gideon, no questions asked. Gideon was very obviously seriously upset about the whole Wake situation, and they clearly exploited that to get him out of the room during Dios Apate Minor 2.0. THEN, when Wake is infecting Cytherea and Harrow’s bodies and fully tried to murder them, Pyrrha’s only reaction is to stroke her face and ask the question obviously plaguing her for two decades; “Why did you bring along the baby?” 

Like, fuck, man.

AND NOT TO MENTION, poor Gideon the First literally died without ever learning the answer. Pyrrha eventually found out, sure, but the Resurrection Beasts killed Gideon before the whole thing was revealed.

So this poor bitch was walking around fully believing that he had murdered two whole girlfriends and his newborn kid, probably nearing Harrow-levels of insanity due to botching the lyctor process, literally only wanting answers for whatever the fuck is going on in his brain, and his only friends could not give less of a shit. And to top it all off, he died before ever getting those answers.

Absolutely iconic. If he’d shown a modicum of backbone ever, I might feel a bit worse for him, but as it stands: fucking hilarious. 

[inkskinned]

but you couldn't, like, see a gay person kissing.

it was alright that i had been catcalled at 12 years old. it was alright that i had been followed and groped at 15. it was okay men were leery and treacherous. it was okay when a man asked me my age and when i said 18, he said, that age is my favorite.

don't you like feeling sexy? i love action movies, but i often have an internal tally of how often a camera will begin at someone's hips and travel to her face only as if by accident. weirdly, you can't show too-much asscrack in the same movie, even if it was the style in the nineties. sort of only apply a tasteful sprinkling of asscrack.

i am wearing a body type that is very easily sexualized. it's a compliment, you'll miss it. it is not his fault, i am told - and then usually with this assurance, someone will compare me to an object. i am, by the way, not using "i become an object" metaphorically. well, you wouldn't wear a precious watch in a dangerous city - i am the watch, in this situation. can you blame a thief for taking a jewel if it was just left out in the open? i think my personhood is the jewel, but sometimes also it is pain. a dog sees a steak. i like this one because it does refer to men as dogs, even if it does literally compare me to a piece of meat (which is, you know, somehow worse than being a dog. at least call me a bitch, babe).

it's inappropriate to show two men kissing, but it's totally normal to hear that "best" age for childbirth is 15. (it's not, by the way. try 20's & 30's. do your fucking reading). and on tv - let's cut from a murder mystery where a woman is shown brutally bloodied, carved into pieces (only pg-13) into a tampon commercial where she runs around, happy and fluttering, refusing to use the word period, white pants abounding. periods: gross, icky. violence, though, is just a gendered currency.

so it's like - you say "can we please treat women like they're people and stop cutting their heads off in advertisements" and then it's like. no actually we needed that woman's bellybutton to sell drain fluid don't like it don't look. and you say "can you please not make every latin person a drug dealer holy shit" and they're like. unfortunately if we don't make the latin person a drug dealer we literally will go rabid. and you say "okay can we at least agree you super don't need to use racist epithets why is this even a conversation we're still having" and they're like. actually my child is a make-a-wish kid and his only wish was that i get to use words that make your skin crawl and if you don't let me use the words it's because you love cancer don't you.

so it's kind of a lost cause. because when something is complicated even a little bit, you find yourself trying to explain that the solution isn't make women cover up, it's that the idea "sexualization of nonconsenting parties is wrong" can also hold hands with the idea "not every expression of fondness is sexual in nature, nor is nonhegemonic sexual expression somehow more inflammatory or inappropriate than its counterpart"- and both of those ideas can also hold hands with "the male gaze is rarely censored despite the massive amounts of societal harm it imposes." but like, that's a big thought. let's just slap "pg-13" on the movie because they actually use the word lesbian. and let's cross our fingers and hope no kid figures out they're lgbt+ before college - otherwise they have access to literally no resources, since even google will censor the results in case they're pornographic. now, if you wanted to know how to hide a body...

when i was a kid i used to keep my eyes on my toes while walking past bra stores, feeling uncomfortable. it was gross to look at ladies, i knew that much. the way the women were posed was... not for me. not even for the people shopping. it was weird. i don't think anyone actually there-for-the-product was like yeah this is inspiring.

and i remember in high school my friends and i were still talking about how uncomfortable we felt in victoria's secret, shuffling our way out into the new england chill. little yellow leaves around our feet. a guy held the door open for us. a few seconds later, he jogged up after us. we were so startled we turned to look. "sorry," he said. "i just wanted to ask how old you all are." we were young then, so we lied and told him we were older. we'd talk about this later - we all thought maybe one of us had dropped our wallet or something. he smiled dolefully. "i just wanted to say you all are fucking beautiful. you have amazing tits on you."

sometimes i wonder. what if one fraction of the effort they put into making sure no gay thing ever occurs onscreen just went into controlling and educating their own fucking population. now wouldn't that be something.

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

“Why didn’t you say anything sooner?”

I am going to address this. Do with it what you will.

Whenever I speak out on anything, no matter how small or inconsequential, I am vilified for it.

When I saw Cal call out Bel for her post regarding the depiction of anal sex in fan fiction, I responded stating it was something that should have been dealt with privately. As a result, for a protracted period of time I was subjected to anons attacking me for everything from my age to my marriage. It was horrendous.

When I stated my reluctance to believe Ewan was attending CCXP, until I’d seen official confirmation, and noncommittally responded to an anon expressing their concern over how fans might behave towards him, I was accused of racism and received anons saying they hoped I died in my sleep.

When I expressed an innocuous opinion regarding my distaste for the depiction of Michael Gavey in fan fiction, I was publicly dragged (over an opinion on my own fucking blog!!) and received anons telling me my miscarriage and fertility issues were karma.

I literally cannot do anything without people insulting and shaming me. I’m missing the full timeline of events, because my brain is frazzled and I am exhausted by all of this. Most recently, I was labelled a sexual predator for complimenting a follower who sent me a selfie in an ask!

If you had been on the receiving end of such personal, hateful comments for such an extended period, would you feel comfortable speaking out? It’s a terrifying prospect to place a target on your own back.

Yes, it has taken me being doxxed for me to finally say something, as this goes beyond simple bitching. It is an illegal violation and a shift towards something much darker than what had previously been occurring.

Attaching the following. Draw your own conclusions and unfollow if you need to.

[triassictriserratops]

For the, like, five people who share in these two special interests: CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND SONGS THAT ARE APPLICABLE TO THG-VERSE MY CONTRIBUTIONS You Stupid Bitch → Katniss to herself after meeting with Hijacked!Peeta after Annie and Finnick's wedding. It Was A Shit Show → Lucy Gray to Coriolanus Snow after All Of The Horrors. Oh My God I Think I Like You → Katniss on the beach with Peeta Let's Have Intercourse → Gale to Katniss when he's literally trying to make a move on her while simultaneously telling her all about his other sexual exploits. @dancing-on-tiptoes'S CONTRIBUTIONS I Go To The Zoo → Coriolanus visiting Lucy Gray. I Have Friends → Katniss realizing Madge was her friend. I'm The Villain In My Own Story → The realization that Snow SHOULD have had but refused to!!! What A Rush To Be A Bride → Katniss playing up the wedding planning to the adoring public. Research Me Obsessively → Katniss and Peeta waching the previous Victors' tapes before the Quarter Quell After Everything I've Done For You (That You Didn't Ask For) → Haymitch talking to Katniss about saving her from the Quell. Haymitch: After all the things I did for you!!!! Katniss: THAT I DIDN'T ASK FOR The Sexy Getting Ready Song → Capitol Makeovers Settle For Me → Gale. Just Gale. I'm In A Sexy French Depression → Katniss finding nap/dissociation spots in the bowels of District 13. Strip Away My Conscience → All those fic where Hijacked!Peeta FUCKS Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too → PEETA BOB MELLARK Getting Bi → PEETA BISEXUAL MELLARK His Status Is... Preferred → Haymitch about Effie What U Missed While U Were Popular → Somehow this is Katniss picking Wiress and Beetee for allies. Etta Mae's Lament → MAKE PEETA SING THIS LIKE NATHANIEL DID. @vasilissadragomir'S CONTRIBUTION Period Sex → Post MJ when Katniss gets her cycle back.

[allycot]

f i n a l l y finished reading the novel (a stream of random crazy thoughts, sorry not sorry.) And I’d say that, as for me, it’s way, way better than the untamed that just feels like its vanilla version, to be honest (though I don’t mean that it’s completely bad.) I liked that I finally understood more details I missed out or did not know about earlier. I liked the author’s style and humour, the thing that even secondary characters seem unforgettable, and also the thing that there are no fully good or bad characters, i.e. everyone has the traits that you can love or hate.

of course, I like wangxian in my own way, and after reading, I got a weird thought like these two could actually be each other’s somewhat reflection. Though Lan Wangji looked like an example of “perfection”, still and cold, he seemed to wanting to do something reckless or something beyond his principles, while Wei Wuxian, being that one epitome of a mess, had thoughts about just having a peaceful life (that would include LWJ.) And I actually liked LWJ as a character himself, i.e. even out of wangxian, as I liked him in all its adaptations. He seems to be deeper than just a human version of an iceberg (a special “I feel you bro” moment when he gets drunk, as, for certain reasons, I’m pretty sure it would be exactly me if I drank, though I’m not into it at all.)

it was a surprise for me to actually love the yi city plot, it could really be good even as a separate story. A more surprise for me was to like Xue Yang, who managed to become one of my favourite characters. He’s a bitch, but an interesting bitch. I can’t help but love the antagonists in this story.

I felt sorry for my baby Wen Ning who was punched/slapped/thrown away almost every freaking time he appeared in a scene, god. And I was glad that, in the end, he did decide to choose something for himself and it’s not just following WWX.

But.

Jiang Cheng will remain my very favourite character in the story. He literally seems one of the most realistic characters to me, who’s not perfect (and no one can be perfect actually), who is fucked up enough, but who’s also able to care about the ones he appreciates, and I liked this imperfection (or maybe it’s also a response of my inner self, who knows.) There were the moments when I couldn’t agree with his actions, but I also think he did not deserve any of that hell happened to him, to his family, to their Sect, and I felt sorry for him. And his line with WWX will stay the most hurtful to me. And as much as I like WWX as well and could understand his actions and motives when he wanted to save the ones who helped him, I won’t fully understand his decision just, eventually, to leave the person who was his family; to leave in the moment when he needed him the most in a very difficult period. Despite their disagreements and difficulties they had between each other. I guess it’s a clear example of what happens when you don’t talk to a person to solve whatever you two need to solve. And it’s very sad.

Actually, there are more thoughts in my mind, and they could be sorted, but when I write, most of the thoughts fly away.

[smuttysabina]

Chaelisa "Chella Action

(Lisa x Rose, 800 words) Lisa and Rose have fun at Coachella Tags: Lesbian action, Dialogue, Fisting, brief vomiting, cumplay, harsh language

"Really Lisa?"

"What, Rose?"

"This is the best you could find?"

"Hey, I don't want to hear any complaints, this is the best one I could get that was... unspoiled."

"Where did you even find it anyways?"

"Passed out next to the main stage, I think she missed him since he was unconscious."

"Well judging by the screaming Jennie is still going at it."

"Mhmm, so be happy we don't get her sloppy seconds for once, this one is fresh!"

"I'm surprised you didn't just grab some of her leftovers, considering what a perverted whore you are, you should like cleaning up after your betters."

"Wow fuck you too bitch, at least I'm not a sadistic... oh, shut up, shut up, he's waking up! Ahem- Hello there, how are you feeling, good? Oh don't bother getting up silly, we'll be joining you down there soon enough."

"Ugh, do we really have to fuck him in the dirt?"

"Its COACHELLA, everything is covered in dirt!"

"Well some of us, dislike rutting on the ground like animals!"

"Okay, then go find a fucking clean mattress then, I'll be busy enjoying myself."

"FINE. But I get to go first."

"Um, no. I don't want you to ruin him like you do with all of your... slaves. The last one was literally jizzing blood!"

"Oh please, you were just on your period Lisa, and anyways I don't want your filthy cunt juices smeared all over my... dildo."

"Heh, you were going to say 'slave' weren't you?"

"Its called wordplay whore, maybe you should figure it out before writing another song."

"....Ouch"

"..."

"..."

"Okay, I'm sorry, that was a little too harsh."

"It's fine, that just means I get to go first. God you are so easy to manipulate, its a wonder you manage to domme anyone at all..."

"Hey!"

"Too late! Hello again my darling little pet, ready to make my insides all juicy? Don't mind Rose there, she's just mad about going last! So make sure to fuck me good and proper, if you cum before I do, I'll make sure you get it up again..."

"..."

"What's wrong Rose, still mad that you're going to be cleaning up after me again? You can just stand there and watch as I ride- wait Rose. What are you doing back there with your hand? Wait, no. Get lube you idiot! Get lube! LUBE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!"

"Oh shut up you slut, I know you love it rough. This is payback for earlier, whore"

"Oh fuck... Rose I can feel your fist in my stomach... oh god I'm gonna! Blooooargh!"

"That's disgusting! Could you not puke everywhere like a cheap whore? You really do deserve to get fucked on the ground you filthy animal."

"Hah- I- hah, I don't want to hear that from the fucking bitch who just shoved her arm up my ass!"

"Lisa, you came like twice from this, don't deny you're not enjoying this."

"Urrrgh, I'm going to force feed you so much cum after this you bitch..."

"I'd love to see you try, by the time I'm done with you I doubt your loose holes will be able to hold anything in them at all!"

"Ghurk Ghurk Ghurk GHUAH! Is that all you've got Rose, I've fucked virgins who could plow me harder than that!"

"...Um Lisa."

"Huh...? What?"

"Look down."

"...Oh, he passed out again."

"...Did he finish?"

"Hmm.... yup I can feel his load in there! I guess he came so hard he blacked out!"

"Pfffft, you really do suck at choosing fuck meat!"

"Yeah yeah I don't want to hear it! Also uh, Rose?"

"Yes Lisa?"

"Want to keep fisting me?

"Sigh, fine. But only if you eat me out afterwards."

"Deal! And you can degrade me all you want and shit while I'm doing it."

"You do know how to push my buttons don't you?"

"Oh yeah, and afterwards, want to try and find some more pets? Surely Jennie can't fuck her way through all of them!"

"With Jisoo helping her out? Seriously?"

"Well I guess we can be on cleanup duty again..."

"Are you fine with sloppy seconds?"

"Are you really asking me that?"

"Fine, as long as you clean them off first for me..."

"Rose dear, I always do. Now shouldn't you be, um?"

"Oh right! Only if you ask nicely though, Lisa."

"I hate you."

"That works!"

"OH FUCK! HARDER ROSE HARDER!"