#i literally stayed up 30 hours only to have my heart torn out

[geesegooseblog]

My thoughts on OFMD S2 Episode 7

Beginning of S2 Ep 7: I LOVE PIRATE STEDE🥵🥵🥵YES DADDY THROW THAT FIDDLE !!!! 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️FUCK YOUR EMO BOYFRIEND IN THE CANDLELIGHT!!! 🥵🥵🥵🥵YOURE INFAMOUS NOW!!! ⚔️⚔️⚔️SAY FUCK AND SHIT AND OTHER OBSCENITIES!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬DONT PAY FOR BREAKFAST YOURE A REAL FUCKING P I R A T E ! ! ! ! 🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Middle of Ep 7: hang on Ed’s leaving again? I thought he was okay 🥺 he’s trying though and surely Stede will back him up? Right? 🥹

Ending of S2 Ep 7: CHANGE HIM BACK!!! 😭😭😭😭 YOU SELFISH FUCKERS CHANGE HIM BACKKK!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺🥺😫😫😫😫 YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO SWORDFIGHT YOURE A BABEY!!! YOURE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY FUCK😩😩😩😩CMON CHANGE HIM BAAAAAAAACK 😫😫😫😫😫😭😭😭😭😭

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 32

Chapter 32: If You Don’t Know

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Tonight we're fading fast I just wanna make this last If I could say the things I want to say, I'd find a way to make you stay I'd never let you get away Get you in all the games we play

So go ahead, rip my heart out, Show me what love's all about Go ahead, rip my heart out That's what love's all about

I want you to want me this way, And I need you to need me to stay If you say that you don't feel a thing If you don't know, let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go If you don't know then just let me go

Let's forget the past I swear we'll make this last 'Cause I remember the taste of your skin tonight And the way that you looked, you had those eyes I remember the way I felt inside And the name of the songs that made you cry You would scream, we would fight, you would call me crazy I would laugh, you were mad but you'd always kiss me And the shirt that I had that you always borrowed When I woke, it was gone There was no tomorrow

click here to be on the update list

(check the characters page, i updated it with all the characters!)

NIALL

                                                  It was extremely hurtful to push her away. In fact, it was horrible, even worse than when I did it in the first few weeks after we met, mostly because now, I loved her, and I knew she loved me too. When she told Abby off, I was a bit surprised. I knew they wouldn't be friends but I didn't think Devon would actually have the guts to say these things in front of everyone but if I had to be honest with myself, I liked it. I did it to her ex boyfriend, she did it to my ex girlfriend... To me, it just showed that we cared about each other and didn't want to other to get hurt again. I also felt like it proved the feelings we had for each other because I could pretend the opposite, but there was also a tiny bit of jealousy in the way we told each other's exes off.

I knew Abby and although I didn't like the way she was acting with me, I was also aware that pushing her away would only make her try harder. She was exactly like a boomerang and even if I had no intention to give in to any of her propositions, not answering was still my best bet. I wanted to tell Devon about it but I didn't have a second alone with her and whenever I tried to talk to her, Abby would interrupt me to get my attention back.

The conversation we had alone in the dark street was rough on my heart and it kept playing over and over again in my head for the rest of the evening. I was lost in my thoughts and even felt bad for Louis when I realized Abby was trying to get his attention. She never really knew what she wanted and to me, it only proved she wanted nothing except feeling special. Perhaps, the way I loved her didn't make her feel special enough but at that point in my life, I didn't give a fuck.

I wanted to talk to Lewis but he was busy pushing Daxia between him and the wall for the rest of the night and when I was about to leave, Abby ran back to me to have an long chat about what she was doing, what she planned on doing, and how we should spend time together again. I also had to walk back to campus, too drunk to take my car, and when I got back in my room, I tried to be quiet but I quickly realized that Devon was not asleep for the simple fact that she was not snoring. She pretended to be asleep though and I decided it meant she didn't want to talk. Anyway, we were both way too fucked to have a discussion. Still, I couldn't help but stand near her for a few minutes, just watching her, as creepy as it sounded. She was obsessing me in a way I didn't understand. I had obsessed over Abby for months, yet it never felt the way it felt with Devon, and I had no idea why.

I woke up early the next morning to go get my car and when I stopped near her bed, she was snoring low. My lips curled sadly on the left when I realized she was wearing my shirt and I took off the hoodie I was wearing to lay it down on my bed, in hope that she'd see it and wear it.

I told her I wasn't going to have sex with her anymore but it was not because I didn't want to. With Abby coming back, it made me realize that perhaps, I was ready for more with Devon, and yelling to her that I loved her had an effect I didn't expect. I could see in her face that she was actually surprised, as if she didn't really think I had these feelings for her. To me it was obvious but perhaps I was not as transparent as I thought.

I spent the morning working on a new song and had to kick myself mentally to make sure I'd go to my classes in the afternoon. I had so many feelings stuck inside me that it was hard to focus on anything else, especially anything school related.

It was only near the end of the afternoon that I saw her and my heart twisted in my chest. It was crazy how much I missed her. After spending so many days together, 24/7, being away from her for almost a whole day seemed impossible but it was still happening. She was laughing with Louis but there was sadness in her eyes and they met mine, her smile fell and her lips parted. She brought her shoulders closer to her face and sent me an embarrassed smile. That's when I realized she was wearing my hoodie and it made me smile.

I didn't know why I expected Devon to be the kind of girl who would scream her feelings. Of course, she had never told me she loved me with words, but just seeing her wearing my clothes even if we were mad at each other told me she had feelings for me. Everyone has their own way to express their feelings. Of course, it's easier when it's clearly said, but words are still just words. Actions speak louder, even if they're made obliviously. She had always been secretive, almost hiding who she was and how she felt. I even wrote a damn song about it, so why was it so surprising that she couldn't tell me that she loved me? And was it selfish to want it anyway? To need it?

Louis made a quick head movement and Devon started nibbling on her bottom lip as I stood there motionless like an idiot. I was thinking I could just grab some food and go back to the music room to write some more or at least, to play something. I knew I could just go back to my room with my guitar but I couldn't seem to clear my mind when I was there, and I knew it would be worse if Devon was there and at the same time, I was desperate to spend time with her or at least, around her. She just moved her hand up as a 'hello' and I did the same. How could you feel so close to someone and at the same time, so far?

I finally sighed and walked back to my room a bit reluctantly. I worked on a school project for about an hour and finally gave up since I was not able to focus at all. I decided to take a shower before to play guitar and a few minutes after I got out, the door opened and Devon appeared. Her lips parted, she held her breath and she quickly closed her eyes, making me chuckle.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" she let out, shutting her eyes tighter as I grabbed a towel to wrap it around my waist.

"No worries, Devie. You can open your eyes." I said, amused. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

She licked her lips and after a few seconds, her eyes fluttered open only to meet mine. She smiled shyly and I noticed some dark paint on her face. It made me realized she painted a lot with dark blue and greys these days and I was not sure it was a good thing.

"Your turn." I just told, walking past her to give her some privacy.

"You can stay!" she quickly proposed. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

I turned around and she looked nervous, nibbling again on her bottom lip. She grabbed the bottom of my hoodie that she was wearing and when she took it off, my heart skipped a beat as I realized she was wearing nothing under it. I knew it took her a lot to expose herself to me like that, and I was torn between giving her what she was clearly asking, or holding on to what I had told her not even 24 hours before. My eyes roamed on her face and down to her chest despite myself. I wanted to touch her so bad it was driving me a bit insane. I thought about sliding hands on her breasts to feel her hard nipples on my palms but just cleared my throat and blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the images in my head.

I took a step closer and her lips parted. It felt like I didn't have control on my legs anymore and I stopped in front of her, looking down in her eyes. I brought my hand up slowly to push a lock of her hair behind her ear and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"I... think I'll just go get dressed."

It was so pathetic. I was there in only a towel and she was standing in front of me, shirtless and literally begging me with her eyes to fuck her, but I was about to leave anyway. The less I was thinking with my head, the more I wondered why the fuck I had decided to stop having sex with her, and I knew that the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to leave. I took a step back but suddenly, she grabbed the towel around my waist and I held my breath.

"Niall!" she almost yelled before swallowing hard. "Please."

I could feel the back of her fingers against my skin as she held me by the towel. They were so close to my dick it actually made my heartbeats accelerate.

"Devie, I can't."

"Niall I fucking miss you."

I put my hand over hers, pulling it away frim me but still squeezed her fingers, my eyes never leaving hers. "I'm sorry."

It took everything in me to just turn around and leave and when I closed the door behind myself, I leaned against it and closed my eyes. My head made a light thud when it fell against the wood and I let out a few curse words under my breath.

My heart dropped in my chest when I heard her sob on the other side of the door but quickly, she started the shower and I couldn't hear anything else.

How could I tell her that if she didn't love me, I couldn't keep having sex with her because it hurt too much? How could I explain to her that I loved her so much that it made me want die thinking I'd never have a chance with her? I stayed against the door for so long what actually took me out of my thoughts was when she stopped the shower. I forced myself to walk to my bed after breathing in deeply and quickly put a pair of sweatpants on and a t-shirt. I sat in my bed just as she got out of the bathroom and I noticed she was wearing my shirt again.

"That's my hoodie." I just said blatantly, running my fingers on the strings of my guitar.

I was sitting with my back against the wall, if only to face her and be able to see her better.

"Oh yea, sorry, let me just grab a new shirt and I'll go get changed."

I frowned a bit, wondering why she'd suddenly feel the need to hide in the bathroom to change but I just licked my lips. "No it's cool you keep it." I sent her a small smile. "Looks better on you anyway."

She pressed her lips together and nodded slowly before sitting on her bed. "Thank you."

I noticed her tired eyes and how sad she seemed to be and remembered the sob I heard through the door. I didn't want to make her sad. In fact, I wanted to make her happy every single day, I just didn't know how without hurting myself in the process, and I didn't want this to be a rerun of the past relationship I had. Abby had fucked me up but at least, now, I knew what I didn't want in a relationship.

I stared at her for a few minutes in silence and she finally leaned against the wall as we faced each other. I wanted to apologize for not touching her earlier but I knew it wouldn't change anything. I could also read on her face that she had so many questions and I was not sure I had the answers. My fingers ran again in the strings as I started a song. I noticed her eyes falling on my hands and I couldn't remember the last time I felt so nervous to sing in front of someone. I was sort of used to it in my classes and I was never the shy type, but she meant so much to me and I wanted her to enjoy everything I wrote, especially if it was about her.

"Someday, it could be more than we intended And we'll be happy that we waited When it's all been said and done Oooh, and you have changed me And we both got what we wanted And looking back it's complicated But we would've happened all along

So keep this open There won't be any more hearts that are broken Hold on, hold on

Don't leave me wastin' all alone Wondering where the time has gone I know it's hard to keep keeping on Don't leave me wasted

Don't leave me wastin' by myself Let's leave emotions on the shelf I swear there ain't nobody else Don't leave me wasted Don't leave me wasted"

I stopped playing and Devon sent me a sad smile, wrapping her arms around her knees and leaning her chin on the top of them.

"It's beautiful." she expressed very low, licking her lips. "Gave me goosebumps."

I wanted her close. I wanted to ask her to come on my bed with me and take her in my arms. I wanted to press her body so hard against mine that I could imagine us melt into each other. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and hear her say it back. Instead, I smiled slightly at her back.

"Thank you." I whispered and let out a sigh. "You know, I didn't want to hurt you."

"No, it's okay, I'm okay." she quickly replied even if we both knew it was a lie. "I mean, you don't have to want me, or have sex with me. I'm sorry I just got half-naked in front of you, it was wrong of me."

I stared at her a few seconds and  put my guitar away to lean my wrists on my knees. "I was talking about last night."

Her traits softened and her lips parted. She shrugged a shoulder and glanced away before looking back at me. "You didn't hurt me. I was just pissed, in both senses. You can flirt with Abby all you want, you're right, it's none of my business."

"That's not what I said last night and you know it, Devie." I pointed out calmly,

Her face changed and she seemed to tear up and I tried to push away the urge I had to go sit next to her and take her in my arms.

"I know."

---

Two weeks and a half. That's how long it had been since I had felt Devon's lips against mine. Two weeks and a half since I had told her that I loved her. Two weeks without much interaction with her. It felt like the first few weeks she had moved in, when I desperately tried to hate her without success. I was longing for her in a way I hadn't longed for anyone in a while, if ever, but I resisted.

It was the weekend and all I wanted was to get wasted. We all ended up in a bar but after too many beers, I didn't even feel creepy to stare at her as she danced. It reminded me of that time she danced in my living room wearing only my sweatshirt and panties, right before we danced together on a slow song. Why did it feel like years ago? Why couldn't I just go to her and tell her that it was alright, that we would just keep on having sex and that I'd push all the love I have for her away if I could feel myself inside her again? I scoffed at that thought and shook my head. Why? Because it was impossible for me to ignore these feelings. They were monopolizing my whole heart and mind and there was nothing I could do about it.

I heard a loud laughter near me and I recognized Abby immediately. I had no idea who invited her but I couldn't say I was happy she was here. I got out of my thoughts when someone put an other beer in front of me and Louis finally sat down next to me before glancing a Devon and then back at me again.

"She's a stubborn girl." he let out, turning on his stool to face me. "Trust me, I tried."

"I'm just meant to fall for girls who don't want me. I'm cursed." I explained before swallowing half the beer he had just given me.

"You know she loves you." Louis sighed. "She's just scared, especially of Abby and the feelings you could still have for her."

"I don't give a fuck about Abby."

"I know, but Dev.. she's heard it before, you know? She doesn't want to go through it again. She's trying to spare her heart."

"I should have done that too." I realized, shaking my head as I still stared at her. "Should have tried hating her harder."

"Yea, that wouldn't have worked."

"Fuck, look at her."

I hated what I was seeing in front of me. Devon was with Mandy's brother and she was genuinely laughing at something he said. I could tell in the way he was looking at her that he was interested and suddenly, anger invaded my whole body and I got up quickly, my chair scratching on the floor and making a horrible sound.

"I'm gonna kill him."

Louis jumped up too, grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him. He forced me to move and it was hard for me to fight him since I was already pissed. He tapped my cheek as my back was now facing them and I groaned, moving my head away from his hand.

"Niall, calm the fuck down." Louis let out a bit too loud. "That's not how you're gonna convince her to date you!"

I was about to answer something when I felt someone grab my arm and suddenly tensed. I turned only to see Abby who was sending me a smile and I just shook my head a bit, suddenly extremely annoyed.

"No! Not you and not now!" I yelled, taking a step back.

My ex girlfriend's smile fell and she frowned a bit. I could read in her face that I had hurt her a bit but I was way too hurt myself to care at all.

"Thanks for your advices Louis, but I don't need 'em!"

I turned around and noticed Devon and Noah were already looking at me. Perhaps I had talked louder than I thought and my eyes moved from one to the other before I sighed.

"Fuck that."

I could threaten Noah all I wanted or tell him to fuck off, I knew it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't make Devon fall in love with me or want to date me and that's all I really wanted. Anything that wouldn't bring me to this goal was counterproductive to me.

I turned around quickly and walked to the toilets, pushing on the door and leaning my hands on the counter, my eyes closed. I was going insane and I knew it felt worse because I was drunk but I couldn't help it and felt my eyes water. Perhaps, getting hammered was a bad idea and I should have known that I always ended up feeling so much when Devon was closed. I heard my phone beep a few times, telling me I had a text message, but I couldn't look at them. I felt my arms started shaking lightly and I swallowed my pain the best I could.

What was there to hope for, now? What could you do when you felt like you tried everything?

[we-are-inevitable]

new javid au?? you bet!!

hi ok so i thought of an au. basically a stereotypical hallmark movie but make it javid. this au featuures: jack “i was raised on a farm and practice saying important conversations to my cows” kelly and david “i went to college in a big city because i’m built different” jacobs

i might eventually write this out into a fic !! soooo,,

FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:

the jacobs family lives in a small town in a southwestern state.

david jacobs is, of course, a bit of an outsider in the town. he's not interested in farming or country things, he's more into the Big Outside World and wants to study something that isn't very "traditional" for his area (i'm thinking comparative literature or journalism (with a minor in queer studies that he Does Not Talk About because Hello, Small Town!)

anyways he has a devoted friendgroup that he spends a lot of time with:

sarah (david's twin sister, who isn't afraid to get into trouble and has never been very 'ladylike'; plays softball and runs track with tony)

jack (latino farm boy with a heart of gold, a shitty father and a hidden artistic talent; basically the glue that holds the group together)

katherine (a girl who constantly feels trapped in a close-minded small town and wants to get out; also into journalism)

tony (who they call racetrack because he's an all-state cross country runner; biggest dumbass but can solve any math problem ever)

sean (he's basically a god on the football field; extremely intelligent, can play at least 6 instruments; called 'spot' bc Freckles)

charlie (Literally The Best Human Ever; student council president, National Honor Society president, also in drama)

and albert (probably a stoner but he's chill and legitimately the funniest person; troublemaker but also a literal golden retriever)

there's more of them that float between friend groups, but, of course, Davey, Sarah, Jack, Katherine, Tony, Sean, Charlie, and Albert are the "core" friends.

but. surprise: davey is the only one who goes out of state for college.

the rest split up, but stay in state. Jack goes to a trade school (he takes welding courses at the local vo-tech), Tony and Sean end up going to a community college together about 30 minutes away from home, albert goes straight into the workforce under a relative's wing, and charlie, kath, and sarah all go to a big university about 3 hours away from home.

but not davey. no, davey goes to a school in new york, just because he needs to get away from everything.

because davey goes to school on the other side of the country, he rarely gets the chance to come home. this, of course, means that he slowly drifts away from all of his high school friends- aside from sarah, obviously, because he still sees family a lot, but he doesn't talk to anyone else that often... especially jack.

now, jack and david were never a "thing," but there was always some underlying tension. longing stares, late night talks on the roof of jack's barn, hangouts at the diner in town. they were inseperable, pretty much. by far the closest friends out of the group... until jack and katherine started dating. and, yeah, david is happy for them. he's so happy for them- he jumps up and down and screams and shouts when kath and jack show up to school one day holding hands- because jack and katherine have been his closest friends for YEARS. they’re their own little subgroup- Jack, Kath, and Davey- and they go pretty much everywhere together. sometimes sarah tags along too, so david isn't third wheeling, but most of the time it's just the three of them.

but it hurts so much, because david likes jack. but jack is apparently straight. so david goes away. goes to a school across the country instead of, yknow, facing his feelings.

FAST FORWARD TO ABOUT TEN YEARS LATER!!!

david is a successful 28 year old. after graduating from college (where he ended up double majoring in english and journalism, with a minor in queer studies), he works for a publishing company and has a pretty cushy job as an editor or something, idk yet, and he's doing really, really well for himself- until one day, he gets a call from his mom, Esther, and finds out that his father is sick. sicker than he should be, really, and they're just now convincing him to get checked out.

of course, after hearing the news, David is torn. his family is from a small town, so job opportunities are hard to come by... but regardless, within a little over a week, David has moved back home to help take care of things.

pretty soon, david has a job. thanks to his background knowledge in journalism and his writing ability, he's able to score a job from Joseph Pulitzer, who runs a few newspapers in their town and others in the surrounding area. he feels like he's gotten a whole new start from the past he disliked so much, until it all comes back to bite him in the ass when he runs into Jack Kelly at the co-op. 

"Davey?"

"Wha-- Oh! Jack?"

"Good to see ya, man! What are ya doin' back?"

"I moved back a few weeks ago. Missed home, you know?"

"Just couldn't stay away, could ya?"

"Guess not."

they talk for a few minutes, but eventually have to split apart- jack has to get his feed back to the farm before his girls, aka: his cows, get angry, and davey has to get the chicken scratch back home before esther maims him. they exchange numbers, though, and promise to catch up sometime soon.

after that encounter, Jack Kelly ends up showing up a lot more often. davey sees him all the time without meaning to. in line at the grocery store, at the co-op, stopped next to him at the one stoplight in the middle of town- everywhere. they're never able to talk, though; not until one evening, davey gets a call from jack. 

at first, conversation is a bit tense- but only because it's been so long since they've talked. once the ball gets rolling, though, they're laughing and carrying on like they never stopped talking. when the conversation calms down a bit, jack asks davey if he'd like to come over.

"i'd love to, if your wife doesn't mind having a guest, of course."

"i... actually don't have a wife."

"oh-- oh, i'm sorry, i just assumed-"

"nah, it ain't nothin' to twist yourself up about. you know where i live, yeah? swing by 'round seven."

"sounds like a plan." 

and that's how davey finds out that jack owns the land that his father's farm was on. the house, though, is different- and he soon realizes that jack has completely remodeled. the porch isn't rotting anymore, and the yard is green and trimmed, and the pond out in the back yard doesn't look god-awful anymore, much to davey's delight.

dinner goes off without a hitch. everything goes right, just like old times. they swap college stories. jack tells davey about inheriting the farm and making it his own (likely to scrub every piece of his father out of his life), while davey tells jack about the big city and how different it is being home. it's nice. comfortable. familiar.

jack and davey try to meet up as often as they can after that night, which is difficult considering their schedules, but they somehow make it work. they make it really work, in fact- they have dinner twice a week (usually with some old friends), they fish together (read: jack fishes while david sits on the back of his truck and talks to him), and they even go to rodeos and football games together (to look back on they're youth, of course). 

one night, about a week before jack's 29th birthday, they meet up at the bar in town and spend hours drinking beer and whiskey and talking about life. once they make it back to jack's house, they continue talking on the couch, but talking turns into cuddling ("just for old time's sake") and cuddling turns into confessions ("i only dated those girls because i thought it would help me get over you") and confessions turn into tears ("when he found out, he kicked me out of the house") and tears turn into promises ("i loved you then, jack, and i'll love you now") and promises turn into more. 

eventually, more turns a knee on a ground and a ring on a hand. eventually, a ring on a hand turns into a wedding. eventually, a wedding turns into memories, years down the line, while sitting on an old porch swing and watching grandchildren play in the front lawn.

the end !!!!

[figonas]

Twilight Re-watch Notes Pt. 1 - A Contest for the Worst Movie Quote in History

I'd like to think I'm funny so please enjoy my scene-by-scene notes from a recent Twilight Saga re-watch.

Hey Catherine Hardwicke, opening with the death of an animal was probably not the best choice but go off I guess??

There is a lot of general Bella awkwardness that I'm skipping over here but the scene in gym class is so horrifically, painfully uncomfortable that I almost passed out from the second-hand embarrassment.

Jessica trying her best to be fake nice to the human embodiment of a crumpled soda can: "Aren't people from Arizona like....really tan"

Bella with all the cadence of a child who just found out Santa isn't real: "yeah..I guess that's why they kicked me out"

Mike clearly just trying to get his dick wet: "HAHAH you are funny"

no mike she is not.

I'm not gonna go into the biology class scene because god knows tumblr has beaten that particular horse to death. BUT the scene in the administration office immediately after that is a TRIP. Edward has one of his most dramatic lines here when they won't let him switch classes: “I’ll just have to endure it” ?!?!?!?!?!?! This is INSANITY, he sounds like he's going to burst into tears like Edward please chill you aren't even being a little subtle.

I will never get over Bella trying to put Ketchup on her burger and then just???? giving up???? when it doesn't come out after she limply shakes it approximately once.

“HOW YOU LIKIN DA RAIN GIRL” Is our first contender for the worst and most unnatural line in movie history, and trust me there are plenty more.

Bella accusatorily saying “you were gone” to Edward as if this dude who she met for approximately 30 minutes 2 weeks ago owes her even a PALTRTY SCRAP of an explanation about anything???????

Actually, this whole scene is a horrific nightmare of awkward intrusive conversation:

“You’re asking me about the weather” HOE WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GONNA TALK ABOUT YOU DON’T KNOW EACH OTHER

“hey did you get contacts” WHO JUST ASKS THAT?!?

and of course; “it’s the fluorescents” [RUNS AWAY]

Charlie and Bella have the only organic-sounding dialogue in the entire movie. Any awkwardness they have is BELIEVABLE father-daughter awkwardness and not like "I'm being forced to film this against my will" awkwardness like every other exchange in this film series.

Bella asks Edward ALL OF ONCE about him saving her from the truck and Edward gets so haughty and smug thinking that Bella won't figure it out

“you’re not gonna let this go are you?” “no” “then I hope you enjoy disappointment” [storms off] MY DUDE LITERALLY 2 SCENES LATER SHE FIGURES IT OUT IN 3 GOOGLE CLICKS

“I had an adrenaline rush, it’s very common you can google it” contender number two for the terrible dialogue award.

Edward saying “if you were smart you would stay away from me” AFTER HE APPROACHED HER LIKE FUCK OFF [skeleton throwing its own skull gif]

Kstew got a lot of flack for her performance in this movie but when she has a good partner to exchange lines with she SHINES. The scene with Angela and her at the beach where she tells her to ask Eric to prom is GOOD. EVERY scene with Charlie in THIS ENTIRE FRANCHISE is GOOD. It is nothing but pure misogyny that Rpatz didn’t catch any flack for his truly, horrifically awkward performance

I cannot believe Stephanie thought it would be a good idea to have Edward save Bella from potentially getting gang r*ped like I get it girl is about the drama but still this is just a TOOOUCH too far

“your hand is so cold,” WHO SAYS THIS TO SOMEONE THEY BARELY KNOW COMPLETELY UNPROMPTED???

SHE TRIES TO REFUSE CARRYING BEAR MACE WHEN SHE WAS ALMOST R*PED NOT 4 HOURS PREVIOUSLY LIKE SIS CARRY A KNIFE?!?!?!?!?

The “you’re impossibly fast & strong” monologue is so bad I want to barf

“I’ve killed people before” “doesn’t matter” BITCH YES IT DOES WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

“MY OWN PERSONAL BRAND OF HEROIN” IS SO BAD. Like we all recognize how bad this is right? Especially when one considered the target demographic for these films, i.e. teenage girls, have NO FUCKING FRAME OF REFERENCE FOR THIS WHAT.SO.EVER.

“And so the lion fell in love with the lamb” YOU’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR ALL OF 3 SECONDS I CAN’T WITH Y'ALL. AT LEAST THE BOOK HAD SOME BUILD-UP JESUS GEEZUS

Who thought this meadow scene was a good idea, they need to be sent straight to hell. WHY ARE THEY LAYING DOWN LIKE, SIT MAYBE?????? IT’S SO WEIRD AND UNNATURAL THEY LOOK LIKE DOLLS I HATE IT

The scene where they get out of the car and Edward puts his arm around Bella while Spotlight by Mutemath plays in the background is TOP TIER teen drama bs and I love it. Far and away the best shot in the movie apart from The Baseball Scene(TM).

I will never get over the fact that Edward's bitch ass rats Bella out for already eating when she comes over to meet his family. BE FUCKING COOL EDWARD FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD!!!

Esme is too pure for this world I can’t deal with her, & Emmet waving the knife is my favorite thing in all 5 of these movies

Why tf are Alice and Jasper fucking off doing god knows what in a tree and not helping with dinner like everyone else? Y'all ain't special even Rosalie is helping

Esme talking to Rosalie “Clean this up..now” I LOVE YOU BE MY MOM

Earlier they talk about the fact that vampires don’t sleep BUT the first thing Bella says when she walks into Edward's room is “no bed” girl we know what you after you ain't slick.....

WHAT IS THIS DANCING SCENE IN HIS BEDROOM IT’S HORRIBLE TO WATCH and I want to find whoever thought “well I could always make you” was a good line for Edward to say and slap them directly in the mouth.

“hold on tight spider monkey” excuse me while I VOMIT

Mike offering his opinion on Bella dating Edward HOWEVER justified is automatically invalidated by A. his own romantic interest in Bella and B. the fact that he has also know Bella for all of 10 minutes & has no bearing on her personal life whatsoever

THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS THIS MAN HAS BEEN COMING INTO HER ROOM AND WATCHING HER SLEEP THIS IS RED FLAG CITY LIKE BELLA WATCH A TRUE CRIME DOCUMENTARY OR READ THE NEWS FOR FUCKS SAKE

THIS FRANCHISE HAS THE MOST HORRIBLE KISSING SCENES IN MOVIE HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN HEAR LITERALLY EVERY BREATH, EVERY AWKWARD PRESS OF LIPS. You're telling me THIS was the best take of this???? CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW AWKWARD THIS WAS TO FILM

The whole scene when Bella is telling her dad about her date with Edward is absolutely god tier. Charlie snapping the barrel of the shotgun closed, him motioning that he has a halo on, asking her if she still has her pepper spray. BILLY BURKE LIFTED THIS MOVIE UP AND TRIED SO HARD TO CARRY IT ON HIS BROAD, MUSTACHIOED DAD SHOULDERS, WE STAN

WHERE TO START WITH THE BASEBALL SCENE:

Supermassive Black Hole in the background, Alice going AWF with her pitching, Rosalie getting all pissed when Bella says she's out and Emmett yells "c'mon babe it's just a game" like the puppy dog of a person (vampire?) he is, CARLISLE WEARING A SCARF WHILE PLAYING BASEBALL, I WILL NEVER EMOTIONALLY RECOVER FROM JASPERS BAT TRICKS, EMMET AND EDWARDS LAUGH AFTER CRASHING INTO ONE ANOTHER.

A TRULY IMMACULATE MOVIE SCENE. This scene isn’t long enough

“My monkey man” might be the worst line in this movie, I’m so torn between which one is the worst. Also, I'm just now realizing that this is the second time someone has compared a loved one to some type of monkey and I really don't like it.

Bella's defeated “I can’t hurt him” breaks my heart every time. AND FUCKING BILLY BURKE pulling out his acting chops with Charlie’s poor little broken sounding “I know I’m not that much fun to be around we can do more stuff together” & “I just gotcha back” LIKE LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SCENE HURTS ME ON A PHYSICAL LEVEL AND I AM ENTITLED TO FINANCIAL COMPENSATION

I know I've skipped over a lot but it's just a lot of like star wipe level montage of nonsense, so we are mOVING ON to what is possibly the biggest plot hole I've never recognized before now: How in the hell was James planning on luring Bella out if he didn’t find that videotape of Bella's mom looking for her????? Or was he just going to bust up in the holiday inn, metaphorical guns blazing & toss Bella out a window???

This fight scene between James & Edward is VERY poorly choreographed and you can practically see the stunt wires pulling on their clothes but no one is surprised..this is Twilight after all.

Who the fuck starts the fire in the ballet studio if Carlisle & Edward are with Bella, Jasper and Emmet are holding James's arms and Alice is ripping his head off???? Esme and Rosalie aren't there so the only explanation is that Emmett's power Stephanie never told us about is his ability to start small, controlled, indoor bonfires with his mind.

If Bella was losing blood from her femoral artery it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY that she would have been cognizant enough to tell them her hand was burning + THERE’S A BIG ASS BITE HOW DID THEY MISS IT???

Let Me Sign is such a good fucking song. Actually, while we're on music every song on every Twilight Saga soundtrack SLAPS. At least 1 department at Summit Entertainment was staffed with competent people. (side note, why the fuck do I know the studio by name that made this movie. I need to go lie down)

Bella acting a damn fool in the hospital bed like clingy much

CHARLIE IS SUCH A GOOD DAD FUCK!

The Edward/Jacob beef is so dramatic at prom can you both chill for 5 minutes we haven't even gotten to y'alls bullshit yet that's not until New Moon.

Bella really thought this mfer was gonna turn her at prom in the middle of the dancefloor??????????

Flightless Bird American Mouth. That's it, that's the bullet point

Victoria coming to prom, like we stan a dramatic bitch.

I will almost CERTAINLY post my New Moon (Extended Edition) notes in a few days. & yes I do have notes on the entire franchise.

[snxwboarder]

//Hey friends. I’m back.

I’ve got an update on the situation I talked about a few days ago. Honestly writing the post I wrote last time really helped me, so I want to do it again. Just to put my thoughts down and allow myself to process.

If you’re going to read (which you’re welcome to!) please make sure you’ve read the trigger warnings in the tags.

But, just a tldr for anyone possibly concerned about my safety: I’m at my parents place now with all 5 of my ferrets and most of my stuff. I feel safe and loved and free. Still scared. Still sad. Still hurt. But very hopeful of the future.

Here I go

Like I said in my last post, I didn’t think I was in an abusive relationship. I was struggling to see it. Even when my friends pointed out the gaslighting and the manipulation, I always had a reason for why he acted the way he did. An explanation for his actions forever engraved into my system because I have always been the one to be there to save him. To excuse him. To forgive him.

It changed last night.

Abusive relationship.

Not something I thought I was in.

Until, for the first time since my dad pushed me out of the room so he could hit my mom when I was 11 years old, my partner became physical.

My boyfriend, of 7 years, who I reassured my friends, not even half an hour earlier, would never lay a hand on me.

Got physical.

I worked a full day yesterday, left the house before he got up. I fed the ferrets before I left, giving my senior ferret her twice daily lifetime medication 2 hours earlier than I normally do because I worked the morning shift - and I knew he wouldn’t wake up to do it.

We still hadn’t talked. Not much. How many days does that make it that he hasn’t spoken to me... 5? I lost count.

Our conversations consisted of me saying “have a good day at work” and his grunt in reply. A short “I’m going to my grandma’s house” because I needed to get out. 

It wasn’t talking. Not really.

There was a time I think he wanted to talk. He came into the bedroom on the 4th night of us sleeping apart. He sat down, didn’t say much. I know he was trying to get me to ask what was wrong, if he was okay, what I could to do help him. But I didn’t say anything.

Which was.... hard.

Really hard.

I’ve spent 7 years being trained, like a collared bitch that comes to it’s masters call that when he’s upset, I find the solution. When we fight, I ask for forgiveness. When we can’t decide, I compromise. 

7 years of training. 

This time I didn’t do it though. No matter how tight he pulled the collar around my neck, the mumbled phrases he said to lure me in:

“I’m so tired...”

That’s what he said. He’s tired. 

Him.

He didn’t ask how I was, he didn’t ask what I was thinking. He just sat there. Staring down into his lap. Breathing. Waiting for me to beg for forgiveness for a fight he started, for words he said, for a relationship he molded. 

“What’s wrong with you?”

That’s the last real thing he had said to me and it still rings back and forth in my head. 

4 days he left me with that.

20 minutes, give or take, that’s how long he sat there waiting. But I didn’t say anything. If he wanted to talk about the fight, I was ready to talk, but I knew it would end in a breakup right there and then at 1am. Not the ideal time. But... ideal times don’t really exist.

He left though. Wordlessly. Closing the door behind him just like the walls he always put up so that I could work to tear them down and make it right. 

The next morning I went to work.

And while I stared into our empty store, my new coworkers that I’ve only known for 2 days standing around me. I made the choice that it was over. I was done sitting here with an infected bandage waiting for it to heal itself. I wanted to rip it off. Let the air sting against the cut he had caused so it could finally get a chance to breathe. To heal.

We were done.

I came home from work with determination in my steps and the most stomach turning anxiety in my gut. 

We were done.

I entered the house. Silence. I go to his office. He’s playing fortnite. 

He doesn’t notice me at first because he’s talking to his friends. His mood is different. He’s happy, I know it. I move towards him and he recognizes that I’m there. 

“How was work?”

It was like nothing was wrong. 

I’m still confused about that part but I didn’t focus on it for too long. “Can we talk when you’re done your game?” I said. 

He agreed. I left the room to go downstairs.

I didn’t take my work uniform off thank god I didn’t take my work uniform off. My car keys were in my pocket because I didn’t stop to put them down. The ferret travel cage was in the car, not because I had it there as a “just in case” but simply because, like the keys, I had forgotten to put it away when I brought them inside after a vet appointment last week. 

I text my friends to let them know that it’s happening. I had talked to my mom on the phone on the drive home from work to give her a heads up that tomorrow they’ll probably need to get me. 

Tomorrow. I can’t believe I thought he’d let me stay the night.

He called my name when he was done the game. We never use each other’s names. Always pet names when we’re alone. So it was odd.

I went upstairs to his office and stood in the doorway.

He asked if I wanted to take a seat.

I said I did not.

The conversation that follows is not something I’m ready to fully bring myself back to, not yet, maybe not ever. I was clear in my intentions, firm with when I was leaving, and as factual as I could be. I explained what I felt he deserved to know, and allowed him to take the silences he needed to take.

A broken man sobbed in front of me, begging me to stay. Saying, for the millionth time, that he could change if I needed him to despite how I’d never seen the evidence of it. Said we could stop having sex for good. Said I was all that he had and without me he was completely alone. Said I couldn’t leave because if I did he would be by himself in a house with no one.

And then he remembered the ferrets.

“Are you taking the girls?” He asked me, breaking again in front of me.

I gave him a very clear, very hard “yes.” 

Because I was.

I was leaving him and I was taking my ferrets with me.

More so than the conversation we just had, the following 30 minutes of my life are the worst 30 minutes I’ve ever experienced. I highly doubt I’ll ever be able to remember those 30 minutes and feel at peace.

It was when the abuse turned from emotional to physical. As he fought me for my ferrets. My girls. 

My hands still hurt from where I grabbed their cage and my voice is still sore from yelling that he needed to let go.

I had my car keys in my pocket because of luck.

I had the kennel in my car because of forgetfulness. 

I grabbed all 5 of them in my arms and I ran.

I ran.

I’ve never moved so quickly with my heartbeat hammering in my ears and my chest so tight with fear and anxiety, moving completely on gut instinct above literally anything else. 

I got them into the kennel and I locked the car.

He could have the house. He could have the furniture. He could have the damage deposit and the subscriptions and the money that he owes me and my virginity that he stole and my broken beating fucking heart I don’t give a fucking shit about any of that useless garbage but he is not taking my girls. I brought them into this house because I wanted one fucking thing to keep me sane and moving and loved and I wasn’t leaving unless they were in the back of my car.

He lost his chance to say goodbye when he grabbed me.

He lost his chance to hold them one more time when he threatened to leave with them.

He lost his chance to a normal breakup when he stood by the door with rage in his eyes telling me that even though my parents were on their way to save me from the hell he trapped me in, he would not let them into his home to free me from the hold that he had so easily trapped me in.

But I stayed firm.

The keys were in my pocket.

I had my girls. 

He moved towards me and I was scared but he grabbed his car keys and his wallet and stormed out of the house.

“You’re a selfish bitch. Fuck you.”

That’s the last thing he said.

And I sobbed in the doorway of my front door until my throat was raw and I couldn’t breathe. I sobbed because of how long I had been trapped. Because of the lies he told me. Because of how many times he said he’d change and never did. Because of all of the signs I missed. Because of all of the excuses I gave. Because of all the fighting and the compromising and the unhappiness. I sobbed because I was so relieved but so fucking terrified about everything that this changes and everything that this puts to an end. I just sobbed.

I don’t know when my step dad showed up but I assume he found me in the doorway shaking with my knees to my chest and my heart broken on the floor.

He held me for longer than he ever has. I don’t know what I said to him. I think I told him about the ferrets but I probably just kept mumbling “they’re in the car they’re in the car the girls are in the car” hoping he’d understand. I think he did. I don’t know.

My mom and brother were there in her van moments later and we packed.

Everything we could fit between 3 cars we packed. We started with the important stuff: my computer, the ferret cage, my sewing machine. We sacrificed the stuff that I didn’t have room for: my cosplay gear, half of my clothes, my fish tank (which breaks my fucking heart all over again please just take care of my fish I told them I was so sorry when we left but I just couldn’t take them). 

It’s hard.

To watch the home you had just finished setting up be torn apart so quickly because you aren’t sure when he’s coming back to demand that you stay.

It’s hard.

But we did it.

My mom, my brother, my step dad, and me. We tore the home apart and I got my stuff. 

I sobbed the whole drive away from that house. My brother drove with me, which I will never stop being thankful for. I sobbed because I was scared, still am, that my ex was going to kill himself. I was worried that that’s why he left. My eyes were on the highway and my heart was being left in broken pieces along the side of the road with each kilometre we drove. 

And then I stopped crying.

About half of the way to my parent’s house.

Just.... stopped crying.

My brother and I talked about anime, one of our shared interests. He just finished watching SK8 with his wife and we were talking about our favourite parts, agreeing that Langa was best boy, making jokes about the silly bits and discussing our favourite scenes. Just talked with my brother about anime.

So I’m here now. In almost the same position I was in when I made a post like this last week, rethinking all of the reasons I had to leave. I’m at the kitchen table. I have a cup of tea that’s 3/4 full and completely cold because this post distracted me. I’ve been crying. A lot. My eyes are constantly puffy and red.

But about 30 minutes ago I went to walmart. 

Stupid thing to give you hope, I suppose, a trip to walmart. I needed to get a sheet for my new bed though and I didn’t want to put it off. 

A solo trip to walmart.

The same walmart that, exactly 1 week ago almost on the hour, I had been in with my ex (”ex” still feels odd to say). We had stopped by to get groceries after a couples counselling session. He was in a bad mood. We argued. In the car I apologized and he did not. 1 week ago I hadn’t realized everything wrong with us. 1 week ago I cried by the george t-shirts because he left me there in a rage after I said we needed to cross the store to get duct tape. 1 week ago I went to the mcdonalds in that walmart to get us burgers and the boy at the till was cute. 1 week ago I slipped into a 15 second daydream where I was with someone I found attractive. 1 week ago I felt guilty for the thought. 1 week ago I was just as brave as I was yesterday, but I didn’t know it yet.

I’m with my mom. I’m with my step dad. I’m with my ferrets.

I’m safe. I’m home. 

When I sat at the red light on the way home from walmart, I felt the relief my mom had told me about 5 days ago. Not the wave that she described, nothing that “washed over me” like she had told me it did when she left my dad; but just a spark. A tiny little glimmer of “this is what’s right”, “this is what’s good”, “this is what’s better”. 

My throat is still sore. My hands are still numb. And my heart still aches. But those pains go away eventually.

He goes away eventually.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 37 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Things looked up for Violet as she finally settled into the new normal of working in design.

This Chapter: One of New York’s most illustrious editors-in-chief turns 40--in style.

***

Shit.

It had been an absolute hell week, Courtney being run ragged all day, everyday. She’d missed more meals than not, barely slept, had gotten used to only using the bathroom when Fame was occupied.

It was really the first time that she and Miss Fame had to interact directly for more than a few words, and if Courtney thought she was high-maintenance before, she had no idea how weird it would get.

On Tuesday, Courtney had been torn a new one for ringing the doorbell when she had dropped off a package at Fame’s house, Fame looking at her like she was absolute vermin.

How was Courtney supposed to have known that it was a deathsin not to just let herself into her boss’ house, Fame explaining to her like she was a retarded toddler that she valued her family life and private time too much to be interrupted, not at all catching the irony of the fact that she was imposing on Courtney’s private time by forcing her to come to her house at 10 pm.

And now, a casual text from Adore that she’d be there around 7:30 reminded her about Bianca’s party and she was absolutely panicking. She had less than an hour to make herself presentable with literally nothing to wear.

She’d meant to ask Ivy about a dress, days ago, and then again yesterday when she was arranging the delivery of Miss Fame’s present to the Marie Claire offices, but it had slipped her mind amongst all the other things she had to remember.  

She jumped up and raced into Raja’s suite, a cramp in her side, relieved to find the redhead still at her desk.

“Courtney? Are you okay?” Ivy rose from her seat, a concerned look on her face, ever the empath.

“I just...I forgot…” Courtney tried to catch her breath.

“Okay, take a breath. Whatever it is, it’s fixable. I promise.”

Courtney gulped. “I forgot that I’m supposed to go to this party tonight at the Guggenheim and it’s super fancy and my ride will be here in 40 minutes and I don’t have anything to wear and I don’t even know what the dress code means and I was just wondering if I could borrow something and I promise I’ll have it cleaned and returned by Monday but-”

“Courtney, breathe. Okay?” Ivy took her hand, inhaling deeply and then blowing out dramatically.

Had this job really killed so many of her brain cells that she needed assistance breathing now? Regardless, Courtney followed Ivy’s lead, taking a few deep breaths to slow her racing heart.

“Now,” Ivy began. “What does the dress code say?”

“Creative black tie?”

“Ah. Okay. Follow me.”

Courtney nearly cried with gratitude as Ivy led her into the wardrobe closet.

“Luckily, you’re a sample size, so this shouldn’t be too much of a challenge,” Ivy said. “It’s Bianca Del Rio’s party, right?”

“Yeah,” Courtney said, watching her paw expertly through the racks.

“Are you going for anything in particular?”

“I guess I wanna look…” Courtney racked her brain, unsure of what to say, when the word, “older” slipped from her lips.

Ivy paused, clearly not expecting that answer, and gave Courtney a curious look before nodding.

“I can work with that. Now, Bianca likes bold colors and dramatic silhouettes with clean lines, so I think something like this…” Ivy pulled a stunning, beaded blue cocktail dress out off the rack. “This will look good on you.”

Ivy was truly a gift from god. Not only did they find a dress that fit perfectly (they settled on a short, fire-engine red silk number with a plunging neckline), along with shoes, accessories, and a glamorous faux-fur wrap, but she even stayed to help Courtney with her hair and makeup, giving her a chic updo and dramatic winged liner.

“Ivy, honestly, if you ever need anything. Someone to cover your desk...a kidney...whatever...you know who to ask.”

“Good to know.” Ivy laughed, checking her makeup one more time, adding a little more glimmering highlighter to her cheekbones, and then proclaiming, “Alright, I think you’re done.”

“Thank you so much,” Courtney said again, pulling out her phone. She hadn’t heard from Adore in awhile, and wondered if she was stuck in traffic or something. She seriously hoped that she hadn’t rushed like crazy, inconveniencing Ivy and nearly giving herself an ulcer worrying, just to sit around waiting for an hour.

COURTNEY: ETA?

ADORE: Soon, I think. I’m on my way to Pearl’s, then we’ll pick you up. Do you want a gyro?

COURTNEY: I’M A VEGAN

ADORE: Oh yeah. Gross. I’ll text you when we’re close.

***

“Bianca! Darling!” Fame reached out her arms to pull Bianca in for a tight embrace.  “Happy Birthday!”

She and Patrick had just arrived at the stunning event space a few minutes earlier, and were immediately whisked off to a VIP area with a private bar, where Raja and Raven were already relaxing on sofas, Sutan and Violet standing at the bar chatting with Detox and Jujubee.

It was perfect, removed enough from the chaos of the dance floor, but with a perfect view over the railing. And the speed with which Bianca had arrived to greet her told her that she’s given special instructions for the staff to alert her to Fame’s presence--exactly the kind of preferential treatment that Fame expected.

“Thanks, blondie,” Bianca grinned, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Fame smiled widely, fluttering her lashes. “So do you. I love this dress!”

“Yeah, your tits look great!” Raja chimed in.

Bianca was wearing a sinfully tight black bandage dress, the neckline showing off her breasts and glowing skin, the hem just above her knees, her legs one of Bianca’s best assets.

“You can barely see that you’re turning 40.” Fame grinned, which earned her a pinch from Bianca, the other still keeping her in her arms.

“Shush.”

“Please,” Fame squeezed Bianca’s forearm, “So, tell me the truth, do you like the ring?”

Bianca held up her hand, where it glittered on her index finger.

Yesterday, Fame had had Bianca’s birthday present delivered to her office at the exact time of her birth, 3:57 pm. Fame knew Bianca liked her statement pieces, so she had custom ordered a cocktail ring, but not just any cocktail ring. Instead of the usual single band, a stone in the middle, Fame had gone for a three part twist in gold, sparkling garnets adorning it.

“It’s perfect, I love it,” Bianca said.

“Wonderful!” Fame clasped her hands together. “You’re impossible to shop for.”

“No I’m not! I love stuff,” Bianca countered. “Plus, you know...I’ll never say no to a present that’s unavailable in stores…”

She grinned wickedly, dimples deep, hand drifting down to Fame’s ass. Fame swatted it away with a scolding look.

“Really, Bianca.”

“What, it’s my birthday!” Bianca said. “You gotta give me something.”

“Fine, a tiny something,” Fame laughed, leaning in and giving her a sweet kiss on the lips, then following up with a light smack to her cheek.

“That’s not where I like being spanked,” Bianca said.

“Oh my god, you’re impossible!” Fame exclaimed, breaking away and stepping over to the bar while Bianca laughed gleefully behind her. “Now come on, tell me about your presents.”

***

“And a drink for the lady.” Sutan smiled as he handed Violet a glass, his date taking it with a sweet smile and a thank you, Sutan putting his arm back around her waist as they walked around.

He had picked Violet up at her apartment, his heart almost skipping a beat as she had pushed the double doors open and walked down the steps, her dress of the night absolutely stunning, the back open and taunting with it’s promise of bare impossibly soft skin.

“So,” Sutan rubbed his thumb up and down, gently caressing Violet’s back, “are you having fun?”

Sutan was happy that she was there, enjoyed spending time with her, but as he got to know her more and more, he slowly realized how little she actually enjoyed big crowds.

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Sutan bit his lip, hiding a smile at Violet’s quick but short reply.

***

Alaska giggled delightedly, letting Jinkx twirl her on the dance floor. If you’d told Alaska a few years ago that she’d have a friend who she could have this much fun with sober, she’d have laughed in your face. But, even though Jinkx didn’t mind it, Alaska really didn’t enjoy drinking around her. So when they were together, Alaska felt like it was the least she could do to hold off on the booze. What she did enjoy was being with her, sober or not, looking into her sparkling brown eyes as they tripped all over their feet.

“For a Broadway star, you’re really uncoordinated,” Alaska laughed, and Jinkx pretended to be offended, then giggled.

“It’s hard to be mad when you call me a Broadway star.”

“Well, you are!” Alaska said, wrapping her arms around Jinkx’s neck and gazing at her happily. She loved these moments, just the two of them having the time of their lives, dancing and laughing and ignoring every other person in the room. They always had fun, but tonight, Jinkx seemed to have an extra bounce in her step, radiating a kind of joy, and it made Alaska feel so grateful to be around her.

“Thanks Lasky...you’re the best.”

They whirled and stumbled around the dance floor some more, until they were both breathless and needed a break.

“What are we feeling like tonight? Ginger ale? Cranberry and soda?” Alaska asked.

“You choose,” Jinkx said, clinging to her arm.

Alaska ordered a couple of drinks for them and then turned back to Jinkx, who was looking at her with the cutest little dreamy half-smile. She couldn’t help the tingling rush that went down her spine as she lowered her eyes and asked, “So...what’s going on with you tonight?”

“What do you mean?” Jinkx asked, eyes widening innocently.

“I mean...you’re just very...I don’t know...” A smile tugged at Alaska’s lips. “...twinkly tonight.”

“Well...I wasn’t gonna say anything because...it’s kind of silly, but,” she lowered her voice, eyes shining. “I ran into her again. Ivy.”

Alaska felt her whole chest deflate, forcing a smile as Jinkx continued.

“At Zabar’s! It’s like the universe is just conspiring to help us get together, you know?” Jinkx giggled happily.

A lump rose in Alaska’s throat and she nodded, using all her willpower to keep the smile painted across her face. “Oh, wow. That’s...that’s cool. Did you talk?”

“Yes. You’d be so proud of me, I even got her number!”

“Wow. Awesome!” Alaska felt like she was going to throw up, shifting her gaze to the bartender, grateful for the distraction as he slid two ginger ales across the bar. She couldn’t help wishing that half the glass was Jack Daniels. She handed one of them to Jinkx and took her own. It tasted just dust.

“Yeah, but she was still a bit formal, you know? I think I need to see her in a more relaxed setting. Do you think she likes opera? Maybe I can ask her to Madame Butterfly?” Jinkx chattered, away, oblivious to Alaska’s shift in mood.

“You really think the Met is a relaxed setting?”

Jinkx threw back her head and laughed, squeezing Alaska’s arm. “Omigod, you’re right. I’m such a dingbat. What would I do without you, Lasky?”

“I don’t know…” Alaska stirred her drink.

“What do you think she likes?”

“Uh, I’m really not sure,” Alaska said. And it was true. She knew that Ivy was sweet, and professional, and did her job with a kind of calm efficiency. But she didn’t know her very well on a personal level, their professional paths rarely crossing directly.

“Hmm, maybe you can ask around? If that wouldn’t be too weird?” Jinkx looked so hopeful and earnest that Alaska couldn’t help but smile for real in spite of herself, immediately agreeing to help her on this quest to capture Ivy’s heart.

“Of course. I’ll ask around.”

Jinkx sighed happily, leaning on Alaska’s shoulder, eyes falling closed for a moment. “You really are my favorite person, Lask.”

“Back atcha, Jinxky.”

***

Adore walked into Bianca’s party, feeling like a million bucks. Everyone that was anyone and even some who were nothing were there, and Adore knew she looked better than all of them with her purple hair, her pouty red lips, her short black leather dress, fishnets, and best of all… Pearl, the sexiest fucking goddess she’d ever seen in her life at her side.

She hung on Pearl’s arm, enjoying the jealous looks she got; knowing that everyone at the party wanted to be in her place. She even got a nasty look from some models, who were clearly all in love with her girl, but Adore didn’t care.

Pearl was here with her and only her. Pearl glanced at her every few seconds with a smug grin on her face, like the cat that just ate the canary. Well, if the canary was Adore’s pussy. Which would mean the cat was… Well whatever, Adore wasn’t an English scholar. She was in love.

The only thing that sucked was that Courtney looked so fucking miserable. They’d been a little late picking her up, due to getting, well, sidetracked for a while at Pearl’s, and then stopping for food. She thought that Courtney would be a bit more understanding, but she’d barely spoken two words in the car, even Pearl picking up on her obvious anger.

And now, even though she was at the coolest party in Manhattan, she didn’t look happy at all. Adore caught her eye, offering a hopeful smile, but received only a resigned nod in return. She reached out to touch her hand.

“Have I told you how gorgeous you look?” Adore asked, hoping that a compliment and a charming grin would be enough to lighten her mood.

“You think?” Courtney asked, adjusting one of her straps nervously. “I don’t look out of place?”

“Bitch, you put all these other girls to shame,” Adore promised, and was rewarded, finally, with a pleased smile from Courtney.

“Thanks.”

“Pearl!”

Adore looked over at the group of giggling socialites who were approaching them, only slightly annoyed when they swept her girlfriend up. She pouted as Pearl dropped her hand, but smiled again when she doubled back to whisper into her ear, “I’m gonna try and squeeze some gossip out of these hoes, and then I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Okay, but don’t be too long!” Adore pulled her in, branding her cheek with a dark red kiss before taking Courtney’s arm and sauntering away, pleased with herself. She scanned the party, looking for her sister and finally spotting her holding court near the bar. She cupped her hands over her mouth to shout through the crowd. “Bianca! Happy birthday, you ancient whore!”

*

Bianca turned towards her sister’s voice, barking out, “You’re late!”

“Whaddaya mean, we’re right on time for a grand entrance!” Adore countered, laughing.

“Well-” Bianca stopped, completely losing her train of thought when her eyes landed on Courtney. She was wearing a short red dress, the first time Bianca has seen her in a color other than pastels, and she looked absolutely fucking stunning--legs a mile long, one blonde curl falling into her eyes. Damn.

“You look cute, B. Very boobalicious,” Adore said, giving her a hug. “Not bad for an old lady.”

“Yeah, thank you,” Bianca said, eyes still locked on Courtney. “Hi, Courtney.”

“Hi. Happy birthday,” Courtney said, giving her a sweet smile. “Sorry we’re late.”

“Oh, that’s alright,” Bianca told her. “But here, uh...this’ll help you catch up.”

She took a couple of the signature drinks from a passing tray and handed them over. Adore immediately began to suck hers down, but Courtney hesitated.

“Um, what’s in this?”

“Courtney’s afraid of tequila. It makes her messy, right bae?” Adore bumped her hip.

“Something like that.”

“It’s called a Madras. Vodka, orange juice and cranberry. No tequila, but it will fuck you up. Be warned,” Bianca said with a wink.

“Well...cheers,” Courtney said, giving an adorable little laugh.

“Cheers.” Bianca took a sip of her own drink, then leaned in closer. “You look amazing, by the way.”

“Yeah?” Courtney’s eyes shone, her fingers twirling that stray lock of hair.

“Yeah.” Bianca tried unsuccessfully to wipe the stupid grin off her face, and instead broke the tension with, “I’m shocked that someone who’s friends with my sister has such good taste.”

“Hey!” Adore exclaimed.

“Don’t be too impressed. It’s a loaner,” Courtney replied drily, causing Bianca to throw back her head and laugh.

“Fair enough.” She downed the rest of her drink, waving off a couple of acquaintances who were trying to get her attention.

“Be right back,” Adore said, scampering away towards Pearl, of course jumping the second the blonde so much as crooked a little finger.

Courtney reached out for her, but she was already gone. She sighed slightly, looking a little bit dejected, and Bianca cleared her throat.

“So listen, I heard through the grapevine that you’re looking for a way to avoid your, uh, Galactica employers while you’re here?”

Courtney looked up, startled. She seemed shocked that Bianca was still talking to her, and she stammered uncomfortably. “Oh. Yeah, no, I just-”

“Listen, it’s understandable, you wanna have a good time. Can’t do that while your boss is breathing down your neck, right?” Bianca flashed her dimples.

“Well...yeah,” Courtney admitted, laughing a little.

Bianca stepped closer, slipping an arm around her shoulders and lowering her voice conspiratorially. “Fame and Raja are well contained, don’t worry. I made a VIP section since those two need a velvet rope to feel like they’re having a good time.”

Courtney giggled. “Like a rich person playpen?”

“It’s a prison of their own making,” Bianca affirmed,  giving her a wink. “Trust me, they’re looking down on everyone the way they prefer, and they ain’t leaving.”

“Well...thank you.” Courtney bit her lip. It was hard to tell in this light, but it looked like a slight blush had crept into her cheeks, and Bianca found herself even more enamored.

“Anytime.”

A second later, she felt someone tap on her arm: one of the Marie-Claire board members, who she sadly couldn’t ignore.

“Sorry, I have go...do hostess shit,” Bianca said, regret flooding her chest, and Courtney nodded.

“Of course.”

She turned towards the middle-aged man and his young wife, saying her cursory hellos and giving air kisses, making small talk with them both. As soon as she could manage, though, she spared a glance back at Courtney.

The plan, from the moment Adore told her that Courtney was coming, had been to seduce this smoking hot friend of her sister’s. And she figured that the “rough break-up” that Adore’d reported would make it a sure thing. An easy and fun little fling--a birthday present to herself.

But now, something about the wistful, faraway expression on her delicate face as she smoothed down her skirt made her look vulnerable, in a way that gave Bianca pause. As stunning as she was--and fuck, she was an absolute knock-out--it didn’t make Bianca want to seduce her. Instead, it made her want to protect her. Ugh, why did her fucking conscience have rear its ugly head tonight, on her birthday of all nights?

“Thank you so much. Be sure to check out the raw bar!” she said, finally escaping and ready to head back to Courtney--but Adore beat her to it.

She watched as her sister came bounding up, Pearl in tow, and grabbed Courtney’s hands to pull her onto the dance floor.

Well, good. She should have a good time. Lord knows, anyone who worked for Fame deserved to blow off some steam. Bianca snatched another drink from a passing tray, trying to redirect her attention to the Welsh model who’d been giving her bedroom eyes all night.

***

Violet was having a surprisingly good time, taking small sips of her champagne. She had hurried home from work, almost ready when Sutan had texted that he was downstairs, the smile on Sutan’s face when he had seen her dress almost, almost, almost worth it’s price tag.

She had never been to an event of this size without having to worry if catering ran out of ice, or if she’d need to get taxis for whoever got way too drunk. It was nice to just stand by Sutan’s side, nice to be allowed to just be, without having to entertain or constantly think about everything that could go wrong.

“Ah, yes, of course.” Sutan smiled, his thumb rubbing up and down the small of Violet’s back. He was talking to one of the models from Elite, Violet vaguely recognizing her from some of the headshots she had presented to Fame for the fall collection. “I’ll be sure to tell Marcel about that.”

“Excuse me,” Violet turned, her eyes falling on a man with a camera, the card around his neck instantly telling her that he was from OK! magazine. “I was wondering if I could take a few pictures?”

“Oh,” Violet didn’t know what to do, her stomach instantly tightening.

“Sure,” Sutan grinned, turning towards the camera. “Right girls?”

“I-” Violet didn’t want to be in the picture, didn’t want someone she didn’t know documenting where she was, didn’t want to risk it ending up online. “I don’t-”

“Oh of course,” Sutan took her glass, handing it off to someone. “There we go.”

“Sutan”

“Come here,” Sutan put an arm around the model, posing both of them.

“Please-” Violet could feel Sutan’s hand on her hip, holding her tight, keeping her trapped, her throat closing up.

“Should we smile?”

“No,” The photographer looked out from behind his camera, “just be natural.”

Violet pushed away, forcing Sutan to let her go as the camera went off. She didn’t hear Sutan say her name, a quick flicker of a question on his face, didn’t see him smile apologetically to the photographer and pose with the model, didn’t notice any of it as she made her way outside, escaping the only thing she could think of.

***

Juju strolled through the crowd with Raven. She appreciated the whole VIP setup as much as anyone, but this was a massive party, and they’d decided to come spend a little time where the action was, maybe dance a bit -at least as much as her poor pregnant body would allow. They were stopped by a group of models, Raven proudly showing off her engagement ring and letting the other girls fawn all over her.

Juju put up with the schmoozing for a couple of minutes--after all, those girls were potential clients, until she spotted Bianca nearby and politely excused herself from the group, knowing that Raven would be perfectly content with her little fan club.

Bianca was chatting up some sweet young thing (typical), and Juju couldn’t resist messing with her a little. She wrapped her arms around Bianca’s waist from behind, asking in a low, husky voice, “Tell me I’m your favorite, Daddy.”

It was a joke between the two of them, something that had started years ago when Juju and Detox were first dating. They’d shown up at brunch one morning in the middle of a heated argument about whether it was appropriate for her to call him “Daddy” during sex--ironically, only a few months before she got preganant with their first child. It wasn’t a kink thing, exactly, it was just that she thought it was funny, and especially so when she saw his freaked out reaction. The group agreed that right or wrong, if it bothered him then she probably shouldn’t say it. But Bianca, ever the good sport, had pulled the smaller woman into her lap and declared that if she really needed to call someone Daddy, she was ‘willing to take one for the team.’

Juju accompanied her breathy greeting by biting gently on Bianca’s ear, adding, “Pwease?”

Bianca burst out laughing, pulling her close and introducing her to a very confused looking girl. “Tayce, you must know my friend Juju Sanderson. The brilliant hairstylist who owns Jujubee’s downtown?”

“Oh, yeah! It’s an honor!” Tayce said, her brown eyes lighting up as a dazzling smile spread across her face. “I’ve been trying to get an appointment with you, but you’re booked up for months!”

Juju had to bite back her laugh when she heard Tayce speak--Bianca always was a sucker for an accent.

“Well, play your luck with Daddy here, and you might jump the queue,” Juju said with a wink.

“Among other benefits,” Bianca cackled. “You know you’re the only one who I’d let get away with that Daddy shit, right?”

“Yes, thank you. You’re a lot more fun than my husband.”

“In so many ways,” Bianca said, turning to Tayce and giving her a playful smirk.

***

Violet took a deep breath, letting it out through her teeth as she could finally feel her heart slow down, though the knot in her stomach wasn’t going away.

She knew she couldn’t help it, but it was impossible not to feel an inkling of shame travel up her spine, the feeling that she was being ridiculous impossible to push down.

Sutan hadn’t meant anything by it, taking photos a part of his life, being in the public eye something that simply came natural for him.

Violet took a last breath, pushing away from the wall she had been leaning against to go back to the party, hoping that Sutan hadn’t noticed how strange she was acting.

It wasn’t that Violet liked acting this way, that she wanted to feel the panic rising in her body whenever she saw a camera in a stranger's hand, but she couldn’t help it.

She was an adult now, she had her own life, her own money and even her own job and her own apartment, but it was hard not to hide, impossible not to react to the instinctive fear that welled up in her at the risk of being found.

Violet walked back inside, the noise and the amount of people feeling so much more overwhelming when she wasn’t at Sutan’s side. She made her way through the crowd, easily spotting both Fame and Pearl, avoiding both of them.

She was starting to think Sutan had left, Raja nowhere to be found either, when she saw him sitting at a table, surrounded by models. He was laughing loudly, his arm around one of the girls, several of the models’ phones taking pictures of everything that was happening.

Violet’s stomach did a flip, the panic from earlier rushing through her body. She couldn’t go over there, couldn’t be a part of that part of Sutan’s world, so instead, Violet did what she always did.

Turned around, and walked away.

***

[Raja?] Sutan put a hand on Raja’s hip, turning her around. Sutan had been sitting with a group of models, doing shots and having fun right up until one of them had touched his legs under the table, and he had abandoned ship instantly.

[Have you seen Violet?]

He hadn’t seen her in over an hour, and while Sutan was more than sure that Violet could take care of herself, he had started to worry.

[Sutan!] Raja grinned, stepping into his space, looping her arms around his neck. [Hello brother dear.]

[Hello.] Sutan smiled, once again reminded of how much he truly loved Raja. She was tipsy, her eyes swimming slightly, which was probably why she hadn’t responded to his question. [Have you seen Violet?]

[Violet?] Raja tilted her head, her hand fiddling with the hairs at the nape of his neck. [No?]

[Shit.] Sutan bit his lip, his hands resting on Raja’s hips.

[Maybe she just left?] Raja smiled, running her fingers through his hair. [There’s no need to worry.]

[Maybe...]

[She can handle herself.]

[Mmmh.] Sutan knew that Raja was probably right, but it still felt weird that VIolet hadn’t said goodbye, and if he was honest, he was disappointed that they wouldn’t be going home together at the end of the night. [I’ll send her a text.]

Sutan was just about to reach into his pocket, was just about to get his phone out, when he saw a photographer to his left, just outside the VIP section. The paparazzi always loved to get photos of him and Raja together, and while he was sure Raja hadn’t noticed, he made sure to twist her slightly to the left, getting her good side as he smiled at the camera.

***

“Every guy here is drooling over you, bae,” Adore giggled, spinning Courtney on the dance floor before accepting another drink from Pearl.

“Not just the guys,” Pearl added with a wink.

Courtney laughed. In spite of her hesitation in tagging along, she’d been having a pretty good time. The attention was fun, of course, but Courtney’d barely noticed the alleged guys drooling over her. She couldn’t help thinking about the way she’d felt when Bianca put that arm around her, the way her brown eyes had sparkled in the dim light. The way goosebumps prickled her skin as Bianca’s fingers grazed her shoulder.

Her gaze kept being pulled in Bianca’s direction. Eyes drifting over her enticing curves in that tight dress. And occasionally, to her absolute thrill, Bianca would be looking back at her. Every time their eyes met, her stomach flipped around like crazy.

It was silly, she knew that. She knew that Bianca was only being nice to her because she was Adore’s friend. A nice kid. That it didn’t mean anything deep. This was, after all, a woman who dated supermodels and Oscar winners. Like the gorgeous girl by her side most of the evening, who had a face that Courtney instantly recognized from last month’s British Vogue cover.

Still.

The reality of the situation didn’t stop her from pretending, even just to herself, even just for the night, that maybe there was something there, that warranted all these confusing feelings swirling around inside her like a tornado.

And later, when they were saying goodbye, she allowed herself to enjoy the way Bianca’s palm pressed to the small of her back. She even let her lips linger for a few moments on Bianca’s warm cheek, kissing her goodnight.

***

SUTAN: Did you leave?

[MISSED CALL]

SUTAN: The party is still going.

SUTAN: Did you get home safe?

[MISSED CALL]

SUTAN: I can’t find you.

[MISSED CALL]

SUTAN: Violet??

VIOLET: I’m fine.

[nyroom]

The Ghosts of Childhood - Chapter 1

After a fight with his brother, Stan heads out and is consequentially de-aged back into a child. Now Ford is going to have to confront the emotional baggage he's been avoiding, all while trying to manage three children and a business. What could go wrong?

This fic is based on the One And A Half Stans AU from disappearedsock and thesnadger over on Tumblr. I stumbled across it and the idea was too cute to leave alone.

This is my first Gravity Falls fic so, if characters are ooc, that's why.

[AO3 Link] [Part 2]

The days since the Author had come out of the portal were almost suffocatingly tense. Don’t get him wrong - Dipper was positively thrilled to be meeting the object of his obsession fascination - but after the initial high wore off, the tension was starting to bother even him.

It was clear that Grunkle Stan and Great Uncle Ford still had some animosity towards each other, soured even more over the 30-year absence. They didn’t appear to be in any rush to start making amends either. It was as if they were pretending the other didn’t exist, that if they ignored the problem strongly enough, it would eventually go away. Luckily, they mostly avoided each other, so the tension was at least bearable. It was a different story when they were both in the same room together, which was usually around dinner time.

A selfish part of Dipper resented Grunkle Stan, just a little. The Author LITERALLY lived in their basement, yet Dipper couldn’t even talk to him! He still had so many questions to ask him, but Grunkle Stan was firm in Dipper steering clear of him. “My brother’s a dangerous know-it-all, and the stuff he’s messing with is even worse.” He had said, brown eyes dark. “Do yourself a favour and stay away from him.”

Mabel didn’t seem to be handling the tension very well, though she was doing her best to be her usual peppy self. It just didn’t compute to her that siblings could hate each other so much. Why couldn’t they hug and just say sorry? Why wasn’t that good enough? Dipper had caught her shooting him sad looks when she thought he wasn’t looking, as if she were afraid they’d end up that way too. Dipper did his best to assure her otherwise.

Tonight had been a particularly bad one. Dipper and Mabel had huddled in their shared room, listening to the faint sounds of shouting coming from somewhere downstairs. It looked like the elder twins had finally stopped tip-toeing around each other. Dipper couldn’t make out exactly what was being said, but the venom in each of their voices was practically palpable.

Thankfully, as if a trade-off for its intensity, the fight had been over as quickly as it started, ending with a slammed door and the sound of tires screeching in the dirt. Most likely Grunkle Stan; Great Uncle Ford didn’t seem much for driving. Dipper had just winced and put the incident out of his mind. There wasn’t much he could do for them, and Mabel hadn’t exactly taken the fight well. He had more important things to worry about right now.

Now five hours later, the sun was starting to set and there was still no sign of Stan. That couldn’t be good.

“Maybe he just got caught up in a really good game of bingo?” Mabel suggested, ever the optimist. “You know, old people things.”

Dipper frowned, considering the thought. “There’s no way Grunkle Stan would have lasted this long without getting thrown out for cheating.”

Try as Dipper may, he couldn’t exactly think of anything that could occupy their Grunkle for this long. The townspeople weren’t exactly his greatest fans, and Stan had always seemed more content to sit in his armchair and watch television than go out anywhere. So what could it be? What could possibly be taking him so long? Had the fight really been that bad?

… Well, their last big fight had landed Great Uncle Ford on the other side of an interdimensional portal so, yeah, maybe. But Grunkle Stan wouldn’t just leave them, would he?

“Maybe we should go out and find him,” Mabel piped up, interrupting Dipper’s train of thought. “He might just have fallen asleep somewhere! It’s getting close to his bedtime.”

Dipper knew that she was just trying to lighten the mood, but it did nothing to soothe the sinking feeling he was starting to get.

No big deal. You just have to find Stan and bring him back. Piece of cake.

Minds made up, they grabbed their bags and headed down to the door, swiping the keys to the golf cart from the tray in the Gift Shop. While they could easily walk to town, they decided that it would be quicker to take the cart. Gravity Falls covered a pretty expansive area, and Stan could be anywhere.

They briefly hesitated by the vending machine, exchanging an uneasy glance. Did they tell Great Uncle Ford where they were going? Did they invite him along? … No, he likely wouldn’t come anyways. Besides, maybe he needed some time alone too, and it’d likely not be a good idea to drag him along on a trip to find the person he was fighting in the first place.

It was decided that they head into town first. Though it was no longer a secret that Grunkle Stan believed in and had experience with the supernatural, it seemed unlikely for him to journey into the woods. At best, he was disinterested in that whole business. Besides, he was driving, and the woods weren’t very car-friendly.

“We should have made posters before we left.” Mabel thought aloud as they parked the cart, tapping her chin. “How can you hunt for someone if you don’t even have a picture of them?”

Dipper rolled his eyes fondly, knowing she just wanted to stretch her creativity - and maybe put a dent in her glitter stockpile. “This town is pretty small, Mabel, and Grunkle Stan isn’t exactly a shut-in. I’m pretty sure everyone has at least heard of him.”

Mabel blew a raspberry, clearly disliking his answer, but not having a good enough rebuttal.

Though Dipper had felt pretty positive they would find Stan somewhere in town, his confidence began to wane with each area searched. Every street and building they checked turned up no trace of him and the townspeople seemed too disinterested to provide anything useful. It was starting to make that sinking feeling intensify, twisting in Dipper’s gut. If Grunkle Stan wasn’t in town, where was he?

A familiar red car caught Dipper’s attention as they rounded a corner, parked in the parking lot of the grocery store. Hope blossomed in his chest as he grabbed his sister’s arm, pointing over to it. “Mabel, look! It’s Grunkle Stan’s car!”

The two rushed over to it, but their faces fell when they discovered it empty. The only thing inside was a bag of groceries, sitting innocently in the passenger seat. Dipper frowned, mindlessly putting a hand on the door handle and pulling, though he knew very well Stan would never leave his precious car unloc--

It was unlocked.

That didn’t make sense. Grunkle Stan’s pastime was stealing and scamming, so he always made sure to keep careful track of his possessions; his car especially. Anytime they went out anywhere, he’d always triple check to make sure the doors were locked and the windows were rolled up. “A beauty like this, anyone’d steal her if they got the chance!” He had explained once. Dipper hadn’t had the heart to tell him he really didn’t think anyone would care enough to steal an old, beat-up car like this.

Mabel reached into the bag of groceries, taking out a carton of milk. “It’s warm.” She murmured, eyes taking on a fearful and distant quality. If the milk was warm, that meant Grunkle Stan hadn’t been here in some time, but where could he have gone without his car?

Dipper looked up towards the forest, looming a few feet away from the edge of the parking lot. Maybe he had…? No, why would Grunkle Stan head into the woods, especially when he had groceries? Something wasn’t adding up here, and that sinking feeling returned with a vengeance.

They decided to do one last sweep of the town, just in case. It couldn’t hurt, could it? They made sure to check in with the store as well, just in case he had gone back for something. As expected, the cashier merely shook her head and said he had only been there the one time, and that was hours ago to boot.

Eventually, the two decided to take a break on a bench, wearing identical frowns as they tried to think of their next move. If he wasn’t in town, then that meant he had most likely gone into the forest. The question still remained: why? Had something lured him in?

...Maybe Great Uncle Ford had something that could help. Surely he didn’t hate Stan that much that he would refuse to help if he had gone missing, right? They should go and talk to him.

“Hey Dipper, do you hear that?” Mabel piped up, straightening from her slouched posture, squinting into the distance.

Dipper blinked out of his thoughts and focused. Sure enough, he could faintly hear something coming from somewhere nearby. It almost sounded like… Crying? He straightened too now, probing his surroundings for the source. The few townspeople he saw milling about all seemed fine.

Then he spied a bundle of brown, white and red, tucked in an alleyway behind some garbage bins. As Dipper looked closer, he realized that it wasn’t just any bundle: it was a boy, roughly around their age. He had his knees drawn up to his chest and his face hidden, shoulders silently trembling. Dipper winced in sympathy. He must be lost.

Mabel followed his gaze, silently gasping at the sight. Without bothering to wait for Dipper’s input, she hopped over the back of the bench and carefully approached the boy. Dipper scrambled a little less gracefully, but nonetheless fell into step beside her.

As they got closer to the boy, Dipper noticed the twigs in his hair and the dirt on his clothes. They looked a little torn too, ripped at the edges. Had he run into one of the supernatural creatures in the woods? Dipper thought the townspeople usually avoided venturing too far from civilization, but that was usually the adults.

He had been trying to think of a good opener so they didn’t needlessly scare him more, but it seemed like the boy was more perceptive than Dipper thought. As soon as they got closer, his head shot up, bloodshot eyes darting around wildly. When he saw them, he hastily scrubbed at his face with the heel of his hand, trying to hide the tears.

“Are you lost?” Mabel asked, stooping down to be level with the boy. Her expression was soft and open, trying to make herself as non-threatening as possible. Really, she didn’t need to try. Though Mabel was certainly no pushover, she looked about as threatening as a puppy. The puppy knitted into her sweater didn’t help that, either.

“I’m fine!” The boy said almost immediately, his accent immediately sticking out as something not local. He must be touring with his family and had gotten lost; now his possible forest excursion made a lot more sense. The boy sniffed again, hunching his shoulders as if he wanted to appear bigger, but made no move to get off the pavement. “I’m just… Taking a detour.”

“Detour?” Mabel asked conversationally, her head tilting. “Where are you going? Maybe we can help!”

The boy squinted at Mabel reproachfully, sizing her up. “...The beach.” He eventually said, huffing out a sigh. At least the tears had dried up, though he still looked uneasy in their presence. “I was s’posed to meet my brother there after I got us some candy, but…” He trailed off, squinting. “...I think I fell asleep.”  

Mabel and Dipper exchanged a look. There were no beaches anywhere near Gravity Falls, unless you counted the vaguely sandy shores of the lake. Maybe it was something in the forest? Though it definitely felt like he and Mabel had been over every inch of those woods, they had never come out the other side. But what were the chances of a child - possibly two children - braving the woods and finding something Dipper and Mabel hadn’t yet?

The boy continued on unperturbed by the exchange, seeming to gain enough confidence to show vulnerability in front of the twins. “An’ I don’t really know where I am! One minute I’m walkin’ the boardwalk, then pow! I’m on the ground eatin’ grass! It took me forever to get back here, but I’ve never been in this part of town before!” He took a deep, shuddering breath, fingers tightening in the fabric of his pants. “I’ve been gone for a real long time, he’s probably worried sick now. An’ if Pa finds out…”

Okay. Something supernatural was at foot here, no question about it. Had it wiped the boy’s memories, maybe? That would explain the sudden shift in location, but not where he had been originally. There were no beaches or boardwalks anywhere in Gravity Falls, and the accent was a sticking point. It sounded like he came from a whole other state. So had he been teleported?

And then, of course, there was still the mystery of their missing Grunkle. As alluring as this particular mystery was, Dipper kept thinking back to the abandoned car and the warm groceries. If something had happened to Stan, especially so soon after those agents had been by… He didn’t want to think about that.

The boy suddenly jumped to his feet, startling Dipper out of his thoughts as the boy’s eyes darted wildly around the alley. “Oh no, my brother’s alone! What if Crampelter gets him? I need to be there!”

Crampelter sounded… Familiar, but Dipper couldn’t place where. Still, speculations could wait. For now, they needed to keep him calm. If he really had been teleported from another state, the explanation that something supernatural had done this to him would likely freak him out more.

“Whoa there, calm down. We’ll help you find him.” Dipper said without thinking, raising his hands placatingly. Of course, he didn’t know how they were going to do that, but he felt like the boy would just rush off no matter what they said. At least this way, they could keep an eye on him and make sure he didn’t get more lost.

“Yeah!” Mabel chimed in, luckily following his lead without argument. That didn’t surprise him; she was always trying to keep spirits up, no matter whose they were. “We’re missing someone too, so maybe we can all help each other!”

The boy hesitated, clearly not completely trusting them just yet, but there was a flicker of something hopeful in his eyes. Eventually, he nodded, sticking out his hand. “Okay, you guys got a deal. But we need to find my brother first, okay? Trust me, if anyone can find your guys’ missing guy, it’s him. He’s got like…” He paused, counting on his fingers. “A billion smarts in his head!”

Dipper wanted to argue with that. Stan could be in serious danger, maybe hurt somewhere. Why else would he take so long getting back? Yet Mabel cut him off, taking the boy’s hand and shaking it. “Deal!”

Seeming to ignore Dipper’s hissed ‘Mabel’, Mabel threw her arm around her brother and pulled him into a side-hug. “I’m Mabel, and this is my twin brother Dipper! What’s your name?”

That seemed to get the boy’s attention, his eyes widening as he looked a little in awe at the two. “You’re twins? Me an’ my brother are twins too!” Whatever misgivings the boy had left seemed to vanish and he fully grinned this time. Dipper could see that one of his teeth was missing. “My name’s Stan!”

“That’s the same name as our Grunkle!” Mabel chimed, eyes widening. She quickly dug into her bag, taking out a photo from their Summerween that she hadn’t found a place for in her scrapbook just yet. She pointed to him in the picture. “You see someone like that before?”

Stan squinted at the picture, thinking carefully. “Hmmm. I dunno what a “grunkle” is, but I’ve never seen him before.” He paused, tilting his head. “He kinda looks like my Pa, but… Really really old.”

Dipper was starting to get a sense of deja vu. The chances that this boy had the same name as Stan and had a twin brother had already seemed a little too convenient in Dipper’s mind, but now Grunkle Stan looked like this boy’s dad? Something was weird here. Was he some kind of distant relative? A cousin, maybe?

Mabel, meanwhile, looked a little dejected as she put the photo back into her bag, but was still smiling through it. “That’s okay. At least you know what he looks like now! Maybe we’ll run into him while we search for your bro, or maybe they’re even together!”

As the trio journeyed out of the alleyway into the dying sunlight, Stan began to look around at their surroundings. That same uneasy expression flickered across his face before he schooled it into one of determination, hitting his fist into his open palm as he spoke. “Alright. We need to get to the beach first and make sure he isn’t still there. If he’s not, then we’ll go to my Pa’s pawnshop next.”

Pawnshop? Grunkle Stan’s life story came to mind once again, specifically his childhood. Hadn’t he said his family lived above their own pawn shop? These similarities were starting to get creepy, and Dipper found his mind beginning to wander.

Was it really possible that Grunkle Stan was…?

“Hey, uh… What did you say your last name was?” He asked hesitantly, stopping to turn and face Stan again. It probably came across as a silly question, but Dipper needed to know for sure. Stan blinked at him, looking confused now.

“Um, Pines? But my last name isn’t gonna help us find Ford!” Stan made to move past the twins, only faltering when he must have realized he didn’t exactly know where to go. He turned back to them, impatient. “C’mon, we’re wasting time!”

Darn. Looks like Dipper’s hunch had been right.

The twins exchanged an alarmed glance, Mabel sputtering in her surprise. “W-Wait, Grunkle Stan? Is that you?”

Stan blinked once again, caught off guard by the sudden question. “What? I’m not that old! I’m ten and that guy looked like… 100.” He reached up to squish his own cheeks, digging his fingers into the flesh. “I don’t even have wrinkles.”

So not only had their Grunkle been turned back into a 10-year-old, but he hadn’t retained any memories of his older self. Dipper awkwardly tugged at the collar of his shirt at the revelation, going quiet. How were they supposed to explain this to him? He wouldn’t understand. Not to mention, Stan was starting to get that cagey look in his eye as the moment dragged. They didn’t need Stan running off on them.

But that left them with an uncomfortable problem. Sure, Dipper felt pretty confident in his own skills with the weird and paranormal creatures and items in the forest - the answer to turning Grunkle Stan back to his proper age likely lurked there - but what were they supposed to do with Stan in the meantime? Dipper doubted he’d be up for a forest trek.

...Nevermind that, what were they going to tell Great Uncle Ford? After that fight, how would he react to his brother like this? They couldn’t exactly hide Stan from him.

Well, Great Uncle Ford or not, they needed the journal to begin trying to straighten out this mess. That was back in their room, which meant they needed to convince Stan to come back with them. How were they going to manage that?

“Yeah, you’re definitely not our Stan,” Dipper cut in quickly as Stan opened his mouth, likely to protest some more. “That’s okay, we can worry about that later. You said your brother was your twin, right? So that means you look like each other?”

Stan squinted suspiciously at Dipper, but nodded all the same. “Yeah, but he has big glasses.” He held his hands up, cupping his fingers around his eyes. “And he don’t got as many band-aids as me. Oh, and he wears this nerdy jacket.”

Dipper nodded along with the description, conspiratorially rubbing his chin in thought. “Yeah, I think I’ve actually seen someone like that today. He wasn’t at the beach, though.”

Mabel seemed to be clueing in to Dipper’s ploy now and she gasped, putting her hands to her face. “Hey, yeah! I remember that now. He was back at... the Mystery Shack, wasn’t he?”

The suspicion melted off Stan’s face all too easily. Grunkle Stan would be disappointed in himself. “Really? Did he look okay?”

“Uhhh… Yeah!” Mabel answered, having to think. “He looked kind of worried though, I think he was looking for you.”

Apparently, that was all the convincing Stan needed. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”

---

Though it had been a few days since he had returned to his home dimension, Ford still found himself struggling to adjust to this new modern era. In the 30 years since Ford had gone through the portal, the world had moved on without him, oblivious that he was even missing in the first place. Of course, part of that had been Stan’s fault, but Stan hadn’t brought about 30 years of technological development on his own.

Nonetheless, if Stan had just listened to him for once in his godforsaken life, Ford wouldn’t have missed those developments in the first place. Now he was practically a prisoner in his own home, forced to hide out in the basement while his brother masqueraded as him. It was an affront to Ford’s pride and life’s work, having his identity stolen and turned around like that. Really, what had Stan been thinking?

The rational part of Ford reminded him that his precious “life’s work” had nearly brought about the end of the universe. If he hadn’t trusted Bill in the first place, been as smart as he liked to believe he was, then there wouldn’t have been a portal to go through. Fiddleford would certainly be the better for it - God, was he still alive? Ford needed to check on him.

Yet the stubborn part of Ford wanted to hold tight to his anger. It was easier to just blame Stan for everything. Stan was the one who broke his project, crushed his dreams, and pushed him through an interdimensional portal. Perhaps it was irrational, but Ford felt comfortable with this anger. These weren’t petty incidents: they were life-altering. He was completely justified in feeling the way he felt right now.

That had partially been what their fight earlier in the day had been about. After he had sealed the Rift and dismantled the portal, Ford had decided to do a basic search on his name to see if he could track down his brother’s movements. It was then that he discovered the rather extensive criminal record now attached to his name. Ford hadn’t realized there were even official names for half of these crimes.

So angry, he had promptly gone upstairs to find his brother and give him a piece of his mind. Hadn’t he realized what a mess this would be to sort out when he was able to exist under his own name again? Had he thought through anything in the time Ford had been gone?

“Why do you always have to ruin my life?!”

Ford remembered the momentary look of hurt in his brother’s eyes as he hurled that accusation at him and, briefly, felt bad. Stan had shored up that vulnerability pretty fast, spouting the same excuse he had stuck by ever since Ford got back: “I was doing it for you!” His sympathy dried up almost immediately.

For Ford. As if making Ford a criminal would do him ANY good. Stan hadn’t bothered to stick around to hear Ford’s rebuttal, saying something about how he didn’t need to take this kind of shit before storming off outside. A snide voice in Ford’s head pointed out that Stan was just running away from the consequences of his own actions, just as he had done for the entirety of his life. Nothing was ever his fault.

That had been hours ago now. When he checked his watch, he could see that it was well past the time Stan normally cooked dinner for them. Usually, he would call Ford up to join them (most likely out of obligation, or maybe for the kids’ sakes), but he hadn’t heard anything yet.

Ford couldn’t say he was surprised. After that fight, it wasn’t a stretch to assume Stan decided he didn’t want to see his brother so soon. Ford couldn’t say he wanted to see Stan so soon either, so he didn’t really begrudge being left out. If he was quiet enough, he might be able to sneak some food for himself without alerting the family.

As he did his best to close the vending machine as silently as he could and entered the house portion of the Mystery Shack (Moses, what a terrible name), he noticed just how quiet everything was. Ford even stood still and listened, trying to pick up any sounds that could be coming from upstairs. There was nothing.

Odd, but hardly Ford’s concern. All three of the house residents were plenty capable of handling themselves from what he could tell, and it wasn’t exactly his job to babysit them. Well, babysit Stan, at least.

So he shrugged the oddity off and continued to the kitchen, rooting around for something to eat. Since he had the house to himself, perhaps he would actually cook himself something for once. Sure, when he was last in this dimension, he typically subsisted off ready-made food, but having something warm and fresh was a luxury he hadn’t been able to afford in the multiverse.

Soon enough, he had two eggs simmering happily in the pan. The mundaneness was a nice break from the 30 years of hell he had been through, and Ford relished in it. For once, everything was fine.

His thoughts were interrupted by the distant sound of a door opening. Ford assumed it to be the front door at first, but soon realized it had come from the wrong end of the house. The only other door that lead outside was the Gift Shop door, but that was supposed to be closed for the public. Perhaps one of the family had decided to use that door out of convenience?

It could also be someone - or something - breaking in. The vending machine was in the Gift Shop. Bill was still at large. The Rift was in his lab. That wasn’t good.

Shutting the stove off, Ford quickly but quietly sprinted towards the Gift Shop. The chances of Bill retaliating were slim, but slim wasn’t nothing. Ford couldn’t afford to be lenient, not when the universe was at stake.

Once he got to the door that separated the shop from the house, he could pick up on three voices. Two he recognized as Dipper and Mabel, but the third was unfamiliar. While the presence of the youngest twins was a mild relief, the unfamiliar voice did nothing to tamp down his panic. What if Bill had possessed someone and had tricked the children? It wouldn’t be beneath him.

Ford considered opening the door a crack to see if he could catch sight of the stranger’s eyes, but thought better of it. If anyone saw him, it’d be over. Bill was all too familiar with him and had two easy bargaining chips should Ford try and block their path. Instead, he pressed his ear to the door and tried to listen to their conversation.

“... And you’re totally sure he was still here when you guys left?” The unfamiliar voice said. Now what he was thinking of it, Ford couldn’t shake the feeling that he had heard that voice somewhere before. At least it wasn’t Bill’s voice, though that didn’t eliminate the possibility of the demon’s involvement.

“Sure was!” That was Mabel, that much was obvious. “He was showing off this picture he had to everyone.”

“A picture?” The unfamiliar voice echoed. “Huh. I wonder why.”

“While we’re here, we need to pick something up.” And there was Dipper. “Can you wait here? We won’t be long.”

What? They were leaving a stranger alone near the vending machine? Even if they weren’t a stranger to them, that was still dangerous! Ford was going to need to sit them down and have a word with them about how important it was to keep the vending machine away from prying eyes.

No time for that now as he heard footsteps start approaching the door Ford had pressed himself against. Thinking quickly, he ducked into hiding right as the twins came into the house. He held his breath as they passed him by, heading upstairs to their shared room. It didn’t seem like they had seen him.

With them gone, he could now check on this stranger without any collateral.

Not bothering to be subtle, Ford pushed the Gift Shop’s door open. Playing cat and mouse with Bill was a pointless endeavor; it was best to face him head-on. However, what he saw inside made his blood run cold.

There in the Gift Shop stood a child that looked strikingly similar to Stan when he was a child, right down to the face, hair, and clothes. He was holding a Stan bobblehead in his hands, turning it over and over, watching the head jiggle with a fascinated stare. His eyes, Ford noted dimly, were brown.

The child looked up at Ford’s entrance, tilting his head curiously at him. He only looked at him a moment before he cupped his free hand around his mouth, shouting: “Dipper! Mabel! I found your missing Grunkle!”

With a face to put to the voice, the realization of why he sounded so familiar hit him like a truck. This wasn’t just someone who looked like Stanley, this was Stanley.

The shock must have shown on his face as Stan was looking at him again, this time with a little concern and a bit of apprehension. “You okay there mister? You look kinda sick.”

Ford took a deep breath, forcing his thoughts to the back of his head. Obviously something supernatural had gotten to him, though he couldn’t remember encountering anything that could do this. That wasn’t a good sign, he was going to need to refresh himself with his journals to double-check.

“Yes, I’m… I’m fine.” He finally said, pushing a hand through his hair. Stan’s gaze was immediately drawn to the motion, and Ford realized his mistake as soon as he saw those eyes widen.

“Whoa, you got six fingers! My brother’s got six fingers too!” He exclaimed, reaching out to grab Ford’s free hand. Ford had to resist the instinct to yank his hand back and shove it out of sight. Stan continued, “People are always sayin’ he’s a freak, but wait till I show him this! He can’t be a freak if there’s other people like him! He’s gonna be so happy!”

Ford felt himself wince. Back then, there were no shortage of people who were uncomfortable with his extra fingers. Abnormalities weren’t (aren’t?) something the public took kindly too and chose to distance themselves from Ford accordingly. Others had mocked him for it, helpfully reminding him that there was nowhere freaks like him would belong.

Stan had been the only one to tell him that his extra fingers made him special, not a freak, and that they were just jealous. If Stan was there, which was common back then, he had always stood up for Ford and told the bullies straight to their face how wrong they were. Seeing Stan so awed now and immediately thinking of how Ford would feel made his heart clench uncomfortably.

Stan’s loyalty had always been unwavering, his conscience reminded him. No matter how stupid and reckless it was, Stan was always there. It was why Ford was standing here in the first place.

Luckily, Ford didn’t need to think of a comeback as he heard the door open behind him. He turned to see the twins had returned, Dipper holding one of his journals. They were staring at him with shock.

“See? I found your Grunkle!” Stan piped up, letting go of Ford’s hand to gesture dramatically at him. “Now we can go back to finding Ford! Oh, wait-” He turned back to face Ford, looking serious now. “Have you seen him? He looks like me, but with glasses.”

Ah. He was looking for Ford. That caused another uncomfortable heart clench.

“Um… Gr-- I mean, Stan…” Mabel started, helplessly trailing off. It was then that Ford knew what he needed to do.

He crouched down so he was eye level with Stan, gently placing his hands on his shoulders. “I’m right here, Stanley.”

Stan stiffened under his hands, looking up at Ford with a mixture of confusion and apprehension. Even in their youth, Stan hadn’t been the type to easily buy into what people told him. While Ford admittedly found himself falling for the lies his classmates would tell, desperate for admiration and acceptance, Stan was always the first to call a bluff. He had written it off as mere gut instinct - Ford was the one with the smarts to see through the lies later in life, after all.  

Oh, how wrong Stan had been.

“Last I checked, my brother wasn’t a dinosaur.” Stan shot back, though his tone lacked conviction. His brows were furrowed as he stubbornly looked down at his shoe, refusing to meet Ford’s gaze. It was an expression of Stan’s that Ford could still read even after all these years: fear.

“If I wasn’t your brother, I wouldn’t know about that time you and I thought we killed the Sibling Brothers and stole their clothes,” Ford said gently, watching Stan’s eyes snap up to meet his own. “I wouldn’t know that the real reason you lost that tooth there is because you fell out of a tree, not because you were fighting bullies. I wouldn’t know that you’re afraid of heights, or that you once called Mr. Kord ‘Pa’ in 3rd grade, or that you lost a fight to a crab in 4th.”  

He punctuated his explanation with a squeeze of his brother’s shoulders, hoping to be reassuring. “I promise you, Stanley. It’s really me.”

Stan was now staring at him with open shock, eyes blown wide. When he finally spoke, his voice was small and hesitant. “S-Sixer? But… What?”

For the first time in 40 years, Ford gave his brother a bittersweet smile.

“I’ll explain in the house.”

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick x Reader Chapter 81

warnings: none, just fluffy john hold my hand masterlist

A fence removal company has already been here early this morning and they’ve torn down the fence surrounding the tennis court. The next step is to tear up the tennis court so that John and Jimmy can put down some cement. The work trucks have been coming in and out of the driveway all day, and both John and Jimmy have been keeping an eye on the progress. You have to admit that watching John tell people what he wants, where he wants it, and how he wants it is extremely hot. He’s being so authoritative.

It’s a little past noon and the boys are still outside working on the pavilion, Tess is taking a nap, and you’re sitting on the patio outside with the dogs at your feet while you look at a wedding magazine. Your stomach has been growling for the past 30 minutes, but you’ve been too comfortable to get up and make yourself something to eat.

John is talking to someone and pointing all around the yard, and he waves at you when they walk away, so you give him a small wave. It’s been about three hours since you’ve talked to him and it looks like the workers are leaving, so you head down to see if John and Jimmy are getting hungry.

You wrap your arm around John’s waist and lean against him as you look at the clumps of cement that are piled on the ground, “Well, this is a mess.”

John laughs, “They’re taking their lunch break, then they’re coming back to clean it all up.”

Nodding your head, you look around and envision how great this is going to look. John and Jimmy will build the pavilion in the days to come since the cement will be laid down sometime this week. You gave John a piece of paper with the outline of what you wanted the pavilion to look like, and he had to hold in a laugh when he saw it.

“So, you still have my shitty drawing I made, right?”

John unfolds the paper from his back pocket and laughs, “Yup. See, we’ll get the cement down in a few days, then you and I can go to the flower shop and get some flowers, shrubs, and some trees for out here. Jimmy and I will start getting the wood for the pavilion and then we’ll start to build it.”

“Take your time, John.” you laugh and pat his shoulder, “You have plenty of time, and don’t overwork yourself either. If it’s too much, we can just hire some people.”

Jimmy laughs, “Nah, we’re havin’ fun. Gotta get some practice in too.”

“Are you two hungry? I was gonna make myself something to eat, but I figured if I’m pulling out everything for a sandwich, I might as well ask if you’re hungry as well.”

Jimmy sits down on the ground, then he lays back, “I’m starving.”

You smile at John, then you lean up to kiss him, “I’ll go get some sandwiches made for you two.”

John smiles at you as you lean up to kiss him again, then he waves at you as you walk back up the yard and into the house. You hear a noise in the kitchen, so you walk in to see what Tess is up to.

Tess looks up at you and smiles, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about a mayonnaise and cheese sandwich all morning.”

You open the fridge and pull out some shredded chicken and hand it to her, “Please eat some meat with it.”

“Oh,” she laughs and takes it from you, “Didn’t know you had any.”

“This fridge is like the wardrobe in Narnia, you can find anything in here.”

You dig through the fridge to find some potato salad, which John loves, then you grab out some turkey to make them some sandwiches. John usually eats two sandwiches, but since he’s been working all morning, you decide to make a third to share with him.

“How many sandwiches does Jimmy eat?”

Tess shrugs, “Depends. Just make him two. Oh, you know what, I can do it.”

You shake your head and point at the table, “Go sit and eat. I’ll take these to the guys, then I’ll be back.”

John and Jimmy are sitting at the table on the patio and you swear they’re both drooling when you walk out with their sandwiches and drinks.

“Turkey sandwiches.” you say, setting down their plates, “Some potato salad, a little bowl of fruit, and some chips. Oh, and four bottles of water for my hardworking men. I made three for you, but I cut in half so I could eat part.”

“Thank you so much, baby.” John scoots his chair back a little and pats his leg, “Sit down.”

“Can’t stay. Tess is awake, so I’m gonna talk to her and see if there’s anything she needs help with.” you say, squeezing John’s shoulder a little, “I’ll talk to you in a bit though.”

John frowns a little and nods his head, “Okay. Love you.”

“Love you!” you smile, turning around to head inside.

Tess has already finished her sandwich and now she’s raiding the freezer for some ice cream. She finally finds some fudge bars in the back, and she takes one out to eat as she walks back over to the table.

“How are the boys?”

You cover your mouth as you chew and nod your head, “Good. I guess the crew is on their lunch break, then they’re coming back to clean up all the slabs of cement. We don’t want the pavilion to be as big as the tennis court was, so John and I will have to go and get some shrubs for all around the edges of the flooring.”

“That’ll be fun, picking all the flowers and stuff.”

You nod your head again, sitting back in your seat a little, “Yeah, since we’re going to have our reception down there, I want some really nice white flowers for that, then maybe next spring, we’ll plant some more colorful ones. I don’t really have a color that I want for our wedding, so you can wear whatever color dress you want.”

“Oh, well, hot pink.” Tess says, then winks, “Nah, you can pick my dress.”

“You can pick whatever style you want. We’re getting married the first week of September, so it’s still going to be hot and summery. I think you’d look good in like…” you tilt your head and look at Tess, “Uh, any color, to be honest. We could do like a blush color, or lilac, or something a little bolder like yellow. Honestly, I don’t even care.”

“You’re literally the chillest bride.”

“I just want you to be comfortable, and I just want to marry John.” you laugh, then push your plate forward a little before relaxing back in your chair, “Of course I want my dress to be perfect, and John will wear a suit, duh. I do want a more romantic tone to our day, so we’ll probably end up with some burgundys and dark blues.”

“Sounds good to me.” Tess nods and squeals a little, “Is John gonna go with you to look at dresses?”

You shake your head as you shrug, “I’m not sure. You’re coming with me though, right?”

Tess gasps loudly, “Duh! John told me that the hotel would like to do your dress.”

Rolling your eyes, you shake your head, “Yeah, I just kind of ignored him when he mentioned that. He’s brought it up a few times since we talked about the wedding date. He keeps saying how they’d listen to me and do what I want. He just might get his way.”

“Ooh, Continental Couture.” Tess says, and you both start to laugh, “I would love to go with you.”

Taking a deep breath, you let it out and look at Tess, “Honestly, I’m kinda nervous to stand up there in front of everyone. But with John by my side, I’ll be fine.”

Tess rolls her eyes and laughs, “How is old man Wick holdin’ up? His life is taking a bit of a turn.”

“It is.” you nod and let out a small laugh, “He seems to be doing well, and if he’s not, he hasn’t said anything, or he’s really good at hiding it.”

“I’m sure he’s loving it. He seems to be pretty happy. He’s literally tearing down his tennis court so that you two can have a wedding down there.” Tess says as she gets up from the table and walks over to the fridge, “He wouldn’t do that if he didn’t love you and wasn’t excited about getting married.”

“Well, yeah.” you watch Tess as she gets another fudge bar from the freezer, then you shrug when she looks at you, “He talks more and more about us getting married every day. This morning he woke up and leaned closer to my ear and goes, ‘we’re getting married in 58 days’. It was so cute.”

“He’s counting down!” Tess puts her hand over her heart and tilts her head back, “Shut up, he’s literally the perfect man.”

You laugh quietly as you walk over to the sink and start to clean up the few dishes that have piled up. There’s a few plates and a couple cups, but there isn’t enough to run the dishwasher.

“So, I’ve always wondered…” Tess says, taking a long pause, “Has John told you the worst thing he’s ever done?”

You jerk your head back and look at Tess, “The worst thing he’s ever done? What do you mean? Like work-wise?”

“Yeah, you two are so secretive about his job. You never tell me anything anymore.” she says, turning her head a little and turning up her nose.

“Well, that’s not true, I tell you plenty. You saw what shit happens when he works.” you sit back down at the table and shrug, “What do you want to know though?”

“What’s the worst thing he’s ever done?” she asks, and you widen your eyes and shrug. “Oh, you don’t know?”

“You really think he’d tell me the worst thing he’s done?” you say, then you pause for a moment as your gaze drops to your hands, “He hasn’t told me the worst thing he’s ever done, but I know it’s something that eats him up inside. It’s something that he can’t get his mind off of sometimes late at night. I know it’s nothing like him killing a kid. John has a line that he’d never cross, and he made that very clear to me when he told me everything. He’d never kill a kid or an innocent civilian.”

Tess nods, “Oh, I definitely don’t see him doing that! I could never see John harming anyone, well, except for Matt. He can rot though.”

“I think a lot of people forget that John has morals, he has a conscience. He’s not some mindless killer who is just thirsty for blood. If that was the case, I wouldn’t be with him. I would despise him, but he’s not like that at all. He’s just a good man. As soft as John is, he’s ten times…harder. If need be.” you say, looking away from Tess as you tear up a little, “He left behind his entire life as an assassin for Helen, which was the only life that John knew until he met her. Imagine someone dropping everything that they’ve known just to be with you. I wish someone would do that for me, or even consider it.”

“Me too!” Tess laughs.

“He loved Helen so much that he just…left behind everything he knew. It’s incredibly romantic. John is a huge romantic.” you laugh, wiping away the tear on your cheek, “I couldn’t imagine leaving behind everything to be with someone, but I would to be with John. If he wanted to move half way across the world, I would follow him in a heartbeat, but he’d never make me do that because that would mean leaving you behind and he knows how important you are to me.”

“You’re gonna make me cry.” Tess laughs.

You begin to tear up a little more, then you wipe away the tears quickly when you hear footsteps getting closer to the kitchen. Jimmy walks into the kitchen with John right behind him, and the two of them put their plates in the sink.

John looks at you as you quickly wipe your eyes, and you pray like hell that he can’t tell that you’ve been crying. He furrows his brow in concern and walks over to you, kneeling down next to you and placing his hand on your thigh.

“You okay?”

You nod and pat John’s cheek, “Yup, we’re just talking about our wedding and I got a little emotional.”

John squints his eyes at you, then he looks over at Tess to see what she’s going to say. She nods her head, then takes a big bite of her fudge bar so she can’t talk. John looks back at you and nods his head as he stands up.

“The crew just got back, so we’re gonna head back down there.” he says, pressing a kiss to the top of your head, “Don’t be afraid to come down there, by the way. I’d love to see more of you today.”

You laugh quietly, tilting your head back, “I’ve been here all day, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

John frowns a little as he leans down and kisses you, “I miss you. Come see me in a bit.”

“I will.” you say softly as you lean closer to his face, “I love you.”

John leans down to kiss you again, tangling his fingers in your hair, then he presses a kiss to your forehead, “I love you.”

You watch him closely as he leaves the kitchen, then you look over at Tess and furrow your brow, “You noticed how he was acting, right?”

“Like he always does. In love.” she teases, then she nods her head, “Yeah, he was little weird though.”

Your mind immediately begins to go a mile a minute as you rack your brain to figure out why John’s being weird. Maybe he just misses you. You get that way with him sometimes when you haven’t seen him in a few hours. Maybe he thinks you’re mad or upset with him since you didn’t sit outside with him. You’d think that you’d be better at reading John by now, but damn, it’s hard sometimes.

“I wanna see what they’re doing outside.” Tess says, tossing her garbage in the bin, “Wanna come with?”

“Might as well.” you shrug, then link arms with Tess as you walk outside.

John hired people to help clean up the cement, but of course John is out there helping, and he’s gonna hurt himself if he isn’t careful. The cement is heavy as hell, but John doesn’t care. He’s just out there picking it up and putting it into a wheelbarrow. He’s laughing with the other guys, which warms your heart quite a bit.

“Mmm,” Tess shakes her head, looking at Jimmy, who is now shirtless, “God damn.”

“I will admit, Jimmy is pretty hot. I was like…shocked when I saw him shirtless.” you nudge her, “Good for you.”

Tess laughs, then she points at John, “Well, you got a good one as well. Look at him.”

Using the bottom of his shirt, John wipes away the sweat on his forehead, instantly causing an ache between your legs when you see how sweaty he is and the little trail of hair that leads past the waistband of his jeans. John’s arms and face are getting so tan from being out in the sun all day, and you know he’s going to be drained by tonight when it’s time for bed.

Jimmy sees you and Tess watching them, so he runs over to kiss her, then he grabs a chair for her to sit. He leans down to kiss her again, then he rubs his hand over her belly before returning to help clean up.

You sit down on the ground next to Tess as you watch all of them cleaning up, and you catch John looking at you every so often. He has a tiny smile on his face when you make eye contact with him, and he flexes his arms a little more now that he knows you’re watching him.

“God, he’s so funny.” Tess says, laughing at John when he walks past, “You’re an idiot, but I love you.”

“Thanks, Tess.” John says, then he winks at you as he walks up to the house.

The men are almost done cleaning up the cement when you see a guy walking over to you, and he looks back and forth between you and Tess, “One of you is Mrs. Wick, right?”

“Oh,” you get up and reach out to shake his hand, “Sorry, yeah, that’s me.”

He looks over at the other men cleaning up the last bits of cement, then he looks at you, “We’re just about done. Just wanted to let you know that your husband should be able to lay the cement as soon as he wants. We appreciated the help, we were a few men short today, so the extra pair of hands was nice.”

You laugh, “Oh, I’m sure he loved to help.”

“We lay cement too, so if Mr. Wick isn’t up for it, we’d be more than happy to come out and do it.” he says, then he gestures to the torn up yard, “Don’t walk into this without some good shoes. Wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

“Thanks.” you smile, looking up at him as John walks back over.

The trucks are pulling out of the driveway now, and John plops down next to you on the ground and rubs his hands over his face, leaving behind dirt. He yawns loudly and scoots a little closer to you until he remembers the dirt on his hands.

“You’re so dirty.” you laugh, moving John’s hair away from his face, “And you got so tan today. Your cheeks are a little sunburned, but your freckles look cute.”

“Oh, my god, I never realized how many freckles he has. Look at his arms!” Tess says, lifting up John’s arm.

You sit back a little so John can put his head in your lap, and you trace your finger along his face, “Look at his nose and his cheeks, and forehead and his chest. They’re everywhere. I love them.”

John has his eyes closed as he chuckles, then he peeks them open to look at you, “I should probably shower. I stink, and now I’m getting my stench on you.”

You laugh as John wiggles, and you nod your head, “Yeah, you do stink.”

John groans as he sits up, then he puts his hand on his lower back, “Damn, I’m gettin’ old.”

“You’re not, Jonathan. You just did too much work, which I told you not to do because you’d end up getting yourself hurt.” you shake your head, then you rub your hand against John’s lower back, “Take a bath and use those jets.”

“Wait, you guys have jets in your bathroom?” Tess asks, crossing her arms and pouting, “We just got a plain bathtub in our room.”

“And our tub is huge. You could probably fit in it with us.” you say, then you intertwine your fingers with John as you start to head inside.

John is being a little sluggish as he follows behind you up to the bedroom, and you laugh as he makes his way up the steps. You start the bath for John as he slowly gets undressed, and you put some soap in the tub that’s made for sore muscles; it also smells quite nice too, so that’s a bonus. You turn around to see John leaning back against the sink with his pants still on, and you let out a laugh as you walk over and start to unbuckle his belt.

You unbutton his pants and tug them down a little, then you look up at him and raise an eyebrow, “No funny business. You’re dirty…and smelly.”

John laughs and nods, “Yes, ma’am.”

You put your hands out in case he falls as he steps into the tub, and he lets out a big breath when he sits down. He tilts his head back and closes his eyes as he sinks further into the water, and a small smile spreads across his face.

You press a kiss to his forehead, moving his hair away from his face, “Let me know when you’re done. I’ll help you out if you’re still too sore.”

John grabs your hand and pulls you back to him, “I want you to get in with me.”

“I’m not dirty and smelly though. I took a shower this morning.” you say, immediately regretting it when John begins to frown. “God, fine. Just because you’re so cute.”

“Thanks.”

You pull your shirt over your head, unhook your bra, then you kick off your shorts and underwear. John puts his hand on your waist as you get in the tub, then he wraps his arms around you, holding you tight to his chest as he kisses your shoulder and up to your neck.

Grabbing the washcloth that you set on the side of the tub, you dip it in the water, then turn around to wipe the dirt away from John’s face. You scrub a little harder on the dirt on his cheekbone, and John scrunches up his face. You hand him the washcloth so he can wash his chest and arms, then when he’s done, he pulls you back into his arms again. You weren’t expecting to take a bath with John this afternoon, but you’re kinda thankful that you’re in it now.

Closing your eyes, you lean back against John more and smile a little, “Okay, I’m actually loving this.”

“Good.” he whispers in your ear, then he moves the hair off your shoulder, “I wanted to talk to you without any interruptions and I knew this was probably one of the only ways to do that.”

You turn around a little and look at John, “What did you need to talk to me about?”

“I heard you and Tess talking earlier.” he says, and you shake your head.

“Which time?”

John laughs, “You talked about me multiples times, huh?”

You blush and shrug timidly, “I like to talk about you.”

“And I like that you like to talk about me.” he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek, “But I meant when you and Tess were talking in the kitchen earlier, when I came in and saw you crying.”

“Oh,” you look up at John and stammer, “We...we were just…talking about wedding stuff and you know me, I got emotional and I just started crying.”

John cocks up his eyebrow and shakes his head, “I heard you, baby. I heard the whole conversation. I heard you mention that you don’t know if I’m happy with how much my life is changing.”

“I said you seemed to be doing well and that if you weren’t, you’re good at hiding it.”

John squints, “Kinda the same thing as what I said.”

You roll your eyes and laugh, “Okay.”

“I am doing well. You know that I can’t wait to marry you, I’m literally counting down every day. I can’t wait until you’re officially mine.” he says, tucking your hair behind your ear, “So, that’s one thing I wanted to talk about: I’m happy, and I can’t wait to marry you.”

“Oh, there’s more than one thing?”

John nods, “There’s a few.”

You exhale loudly, turning around more to face John, “Okay.”

“Tess mentioned the worst thing I’ve ever done.” he says, and you immediately shake your head to stop John, but he keeps talking, “I…did do something that I consider to be the worst thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t know how I can even tell you without you thinking differently of me.”

“You don’t have to tell me, okay?” you say, cupping his face, “You don’t have to tell me.”

John sighs deeply as his gaze falls from your eyes to your hands on his chest, and he grabs them to hold, squeezing them tight, “I was young, I was new to this job. I was only in my 20s, and I was being cocky and reckless.”

“John.” you say, firmly.

“I was around too many people, I thought I’d be able to get this guy with no problems, but this…guy, this innocent guy, got in the way and I…” he closes his eyes and shakes his head, and you scoot closer to him, not letting him finish his sentence. “I didn’t mean to do it. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I was…numb for days. I took this guy away from his family, how could I live with myself for that?”

“Baby, you didn’t mean to.” you say, cupping his face so he’ll look at you, “Things happens, things completely out of our control.”

“But it was in my control! I had a gun in my hands, and I...shot him. He got in the way.” he says, and you nod as you listen to him tell his story.

These are John’s feelings, and who are you to invalidate them? This is how he feels. What John needs right now is for you to listen to him and support him. This is probably one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do.

You hold tight to John’s hand as he continues to tell you what happened and you see a small tear forming in his eye. It slowly slides down his cheek and you reach up to wipe it away.

“I found out his name. I visit his grave every Christmas, and I check on his family every once in a while.” he says, and you give him a small smile. “I didn’t know what to do after he died, so I just sent them an anonymous donation. It’s the least I could do.”

You wipe away the tear on your cheek and hold John’s gaze, “You’re incredible.”

“No.” John shakes his head, “I’m not.”

“You are, John. Don’t fight me on it because you won’t win.” you say, and John finally lets out a small laugh. “Jonathan Wick, I don’t think any differently of you and I never will. Your actions that day don’t reflect who you are. You made a mistake, and you have paid for that. You feel that regret every single day, but you send his family money, you visit his grave. I promise you that that probably means a lot to him. I know this is something that has been eating away at you for years, and to finally be able to tell someone feels good, doesn’t it?”

John shrugs, “I guess.”

“Look at me, baby.” you say, cupping John’s face as he looks at you. His eyes are full of tears and you want to melt into tub, “There’s nothing you can’t tell me. I truly mean that. I’m here for you always, no matter what. You’re a good man with an amazing beautiful heart.”

John places his hand on your cheek and gives you a small smile, “You’re incredible.”

You scoot closer to John and the two of you wrap your arms around each other, holding on tight. You move closer to John until you’re in his lap with your legs on either side of him, and you bury your face in the crook of his neck.

“I love you. Those aren’t just some words that I throw around lightly, by the way. I love you. Get it through your head, dork.” you joke, and John lets out another laugh. It’s so nice to see him smiling after sharing this story with you. “I would do anything for you, Jonathan.”

“Being with you makes me feel better.” he says, nodding his head, “I mean, after everything I’ve done, knowing that someone like you sees something in me makes me feel like maybe I do deserve good things.”

“Your past doesn’t define you, John.” you press a kiss to his lips, then smile, “You learned from your mistake, you’ve paid for it -- you’ve carried around that guilt for 30 years. Now you move on and create a better future for yourself. A better future for us.”

John holds your gaze, then he finally begins to give you a real smile, “How did I get so lucky to have you?”

“I don’t know, but I should be a motivational speaker.” you say, puffing out your chest a little, “I was pretty good, huh?”

John laughs, “You were great.”

You laugh quietly, then it slowly fades as you get serious again, “I really mean all of that stuff, John. And anytime you’re not feeling too great, or you’re starting to let some of your past eat at you, come to me. I’m your best friend for a reason. I will talk to you, I will listen to you, and I will fucking love you.”

John leans back against the tub and nods his head, “I know, and I will. I promise. After telling you this, I know that I can tell you anything.”

“I mean, you should have already known that, but…” you laugh, and John shakes his head as he smiles.

“Yeah.”

“Was that all you needed to talk to me about? The tub is getting cold.” you say, shivering a little now that John doesn’t have his arms around you.

John shakes his head, “No, but let’s get out.”

You pull the plug from the bath, then you hop out and grab two towels out of the linen closet. You wrap one around yourself and walk into the bedroom, plopping down on your side of the bed to apply some lotion to your legs.

“My back still hurts.” John says, groaning a little.

“I’ll get you some ibuprofen in a few minutes. Just let me get dressed.” you say, watching John lay down on his stomach on the bed. You grab a new pair of underwear, then you grab a summer dress from the closet since it’s pretty warm out.

John is still laying in bed with his towel wrapped around his waist, but he’s watching you with a smile on his face. You grab the lotion from your side table and crawl across the bed to straddle his back. You put some lotion on his back as he gasps loudly, and you let out a laugh as you massage it into his back.

“Oh, fuck…” he says, almost moaning, and you rub your knuckle into a knot on John’s lower back and he groans happily, “Right there.”

“Here?” you ask, rubbing a circle into his back near the cross tattoo.

“Mhm.” he nods, and then he laughs when you lean down and start pressing your lips to his back, “Oh, yeah, that feels good too.”

Rubbing your hands up and down John’s back, you swear he’s snoring, so you lean up a little to see he’s completely knocked out. You continue rubbing his back for a few more minutes so you know for sure he’s asleep before you crawl off of him.

John is clearly tired, so you’ll let him get some rest this afternoon -- he definitely deserves it. You turn on the fan next to the bed, and as carefully as you can, you remove his towel since it's soaked from the bath, then you pull a sheet over John so his lower body is covered since he’s naked. You press a quick kiss to his cheek, moving the hair away from his face to see him better. He looks so cute when he’s so sleepy like this, and you just want to continue kissing his face, but it’ll only wake him up.

Staring at him for a moment, you feel yourself tearing up a little. Your bottom lip wobbles the longer you look at him, and you start to smile when John sighs a little.

“Love you, John.” you whisper, pressing another kiss to his cheek. “No matter what.”

Heading downstairs, you hear Jimmy and Tess in the kitchen, and you walk in to see them looking at something on her laptop. She closes the screen a little, and you raise an eyebrow as you walk to the fridge for a yogurt.

“So, uh, do you remember how I kept saying that I wanted to get videos of John working?” Tess says, and you nod your head as you look for the yogurt you want. “Well, uh, Jimmy has a friend, and that friend found some videos. They’re like security camera footage from a few, uh, what does he call them? Missions?”

“Jobs.” you say, walking over to sit at the table.

“Jobs! Yes! Okay, well, we got some videos of him.” she says, excitedly. When you don’t look at her, she exhales and slaps her hand on the counter, “Hello? Goose? I’m talkin’ to you.”

John’s story is still fresh in your mind, and you know he had more to talk to you about but he fell asleep. Your mind is occupied with all the things that he could have to talk to you about, and you’re not paying attention to what Tess is saying at all.

“Mrs. Wick?!” Tess says, slapping her hand on the table to get your attention. You jump a little and look up at Tess, and she smiles, “Finally. Did you hear me? I got videos of John working.”

“What?” you gasp and get up, walking over to her laptop, “You did?”

Tess stares at you for a moment, then she presses her hand to your forehead, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” you shake your head, trying to clear it for a moment, “Just had a talk with John. We weren’t done talking, but he fell asleep, so now I’m just…waiting to finish it when he wakes up. Poor bub was just so tired from this morning.”

Tess opens her laptop screen and smiles, “I got something to help take your mind off of it. I’ve only watched this one, but I guess there’s a few more here. This one is from a club.”

Jimmy reaches out and touches your arm, “He won’t be mad at me for this, will he?”

“Uh…” you shrug, thinking it through.

John might be upset, but he should have known this was bound to happen at some point. He’s opened up so much about his past, he has to know that you’re interested in seeing him work.

“I don’t know, but if he’s upset, I’ll talk to him. I can’t see him being that upset. He has to know I’d find something eventually. He’s been there when Tess and I have talked about it.” you say, then you pat Jimmy’s hand, “Don’t worry about it.”

Taking a deep breath and letting it out shakily, you pull up a stool next to Tess and sit down as she opens the file that has the video on it. You’re not entirely sure why, but your hands are shaking uncontrollably.

“Okay, so I watched a little of this and the camera cuts to different rooms and stuff, and he’s not always in it, but holy shit, your man is amazing.” Tess laughs, then she pushes play on the video.

You can hear the club music playing on the video, but it’s pretty quiet. The camera flickers from each room to the next and your eyes are wide as you try to spot John. He’s no where to be found yet, which is obviously just what he wants.

“Oh, so here we go.” Tess points at the screen, then she looks at you, “This is obviously the target here. Everyone seems to be protecting him.”

“Iosef.” you say under your breath when you finally get a good look at him, and Tess looks over at you, “He’s the one who…killed John’s puppy and stole John’s car. I remember John telling me about this night.”

“Yeah, well, he’s scared as fuck of John. Just watch.”

You look back at the screen and you’re almost embarrassed by how excited you get when you see John. You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling, and you lean a little closer as he walks through the back of the club.

“Oh, this part is hot.” Tess says, and you look up at her as you furrow your brow, “I watched this little bit, and god, he’s so hot.”

Jimmy nods, “He’s so fucking cool.”

You watch John as he just…flips over a guy, then he pins him to the ground and zeros in on Iosef. He shoots the guy that he has pinned to the floor, then the camera switches to a different room as people begin to scatter. Your heart is beating out of your chest as the camera flickers from each room to the next, and you clasp your hands in front of your chest.

“He’s okay, by the way.” Tess says, patting you on the back, “I watched this already and he’s fine. Well, I mean, he’s not at one point, but I can stop it before we get there.”

“Oh, my god!” you put your hands over your mouth and widen your eyes, “That guy is shooting at him, does he kill him?”

Jimmy laughs, “No, John is upstairs. He’s not dead!”

Tess immediately rolls her eyes and nudges Jimmy, “You’re such a dork.”

The camera flickers to the next room, and you’re left wondering if John killed that guy or not, even though you’re pretty sure you know the answer. The camera switches to the next few rooms and you don’t see John anywhere, so you’re slowly losing interest.

“Oh, shit, this part is good.” Jimmy leans on the counter and looks at the screen, “John is so fucking awesome.”

You see Iosef run into a room and point behind him to the doorway he just came through, then he runs out of the room just as John enters it. John immediately begins to shoot the men in front of him, and you don’t blame him since they’re literally trying to kill him.

“No!” you exclaim loudly when the camera switches rooms, “No! I need to know he’s okay. Where did he go?”

Tess grimaces as she pauses the video, “You might not want to watch the rest anyway.”

You scrunch your eyebrows in anger and look at her, “No, I want to see it.”

“He gets hurt, babe. I don’t think you realize how bad it’s going to be.” she says, putting her hand on your back, “It’s not good.”

You perk up a little when you hear footsteps coming closer to the kitchen, and you immediately close the laptop screen a little so John can’t see what you’re looking at. He sees the three of you looking at him, and he stops walking and furrows his brow.

“What are you three doing?” he asks, and you can tell he already knows you’re up to no good.

“Uh, oh, I was just…” you shrug nonchalantly, “I was just showing them what I’m getting you for Christmas, so don’t come over here and try to get a peek, mister!”

John can see right through you, but he shrugs it off and walks over to your purse to get some ibuprofen. The three of you watch him as he takes out a few, then he cups them in his hand and pops them in his mouth.

“Ew. I know you did not just take these pills with no water.” Tess says, almost gagging.

“Don’t trust people who can swallow pills with no drink.” you laugh, and John shakes his head a little. “It’s not right.”

John grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and cracks it open, then he turns around and maintains eye contact with you since he knows you’re going to give in and tell him what you’re looking at.

You squint your eyes a little, “You can leave now.”

“Hmm,” John walks closer to you and tilts his head, “What are you hiding from me?”

Tess laughs, “Don’t you trust her?”

“They were showing me videos of you working.” you whisper, and John looks over at you. “Don’t be mad at them. If you’re going to be mad at anyone, be mad at me. I asked them to look for them in the first place.”

Tess shoves your shoulder, “You folded fast.”

“I’m not mad.” he says softly, sitting down next to you, “I’m just…”

“Worried about what I’d think.” you say, cocking up your eyebrow. You give John a look, then you nod in the direction of your bedroom to remind John of what he just told you about 30 minutes ago. “Don’t worry about it. I’m more worried about you than anything else. You just…disappeared on here and I’m worried because I can’t see you anymore.”

“Club.” Tess says, leaning back down next to you, “That Joseph kid.”

“Iosef.” you correct Tess, and the corner of John’s mouth turns up a bit. “Yeah, it was from a while ago. So, none of these are new. I think they’re all older videos, but it’s pretty cool to see you working. You’re very…uh, active.”

John laughs, “Well, if these were from then, then yeah, I was a lot more active than I am now. I’m old, baby.”

“He’s lying.” Jimmy says, shaking his head, “He’s just the same as he was then. Maybe he’s a little slower getting up, and maybe it gets a little more winded nowadays, but he’s still as cool.”

“Oh,” you nod and point to Jimmy as you look at John, “He’s your biggest fan, by the way.”

Tess exhales, “Are you sure you still want to watch this?”

“Yes.” you scoot closer to John and wrap your arms around his bicep, then you lean your head against his shoulder, “Play, please.”

“Okay,” Tess says, then she pushes play, “But just know that I warned you.”

You watch John as he continues shooting guys, and he puts his hand on your knee, squeezing it a little bit.

“Uh,” you pause the video and look at John, “How do you know who to shoot?”

John laughs and points at the screen, “Look at them, they’re all wearing red. They’re idiots. And…I don’t know, I guess I’ve been doing this for so long that I just know who to shoot. Also, this was Viggo, and I worked for him for a while, so I know how he operates.”

“Bad move on his part then.” you nod your head as you look up at John, then you smile, “You’re really hot, by the way. I can’t see you completely, but you still look the same. You look so sexy.”

Tess laughs, “I still think your birth certificate is lying. There’s no way you’re 50.”

Tess starts the video again, then both her and John reach out to pause it at the same time. You look back and forth between them, and John sighs while Tess puts her hand on your back again.

“Again, please just be warned.” Tess says, then she looks at John.

He nods his head and puts his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he plays the video. You take a deep breath and hold it as you watch John fighting with a guy. It’s hard to see since it’s so dark and there are people running in every direction, but the camera switches to a different angle and you finally see what Tess has been warning you about this whole time.

The man picks John up and throws him over the railing, and John lands on the dance floor that’s easily 12 feet or more below him. You cover your face with your hands and bury yourself in John’s arms, and you hear John chuckling softly.

“Holy shit, John. No wonder your back hurts all the time.” you wipe away the tear in your eye, then you look at him, “Baby, you fell so far.”

John laughs, “Yeah, but I’m fine. I’m here. It’s okay.”

You prop your head up on your fist, then you let out a big breath as Tess closes the video. You feel John’s hand on your thigh, and you look over at him with tears in your eyes.

“Baby, I’m okay.” he leans closer to you, cupping your face, “This is why I didn’t want you to watch this stuff.”

“I just don’t understand why people are so mean to you and why they want to hurt you.” you frown as you lean closer to John’s face.

“Well, come on, he’s trying to kill this guy.” Tess says, then she leans against the counter, “They’re just doing their job, just like John does his when he gets hired.”

“I know,” you look at John and frown, “It just makes me sad.”

Jimmy and Tess continue looking through the files on the laptop, and you scoot closer and lean your head on John’s shoulder.

“Try that one.” Jimmy says, pointing at the screen, “Do you remember this, John? New York City?”

“Doesn’t really narrow it down, Jimmy.” John laughs, and he keeps a tight grip on you as he leans over to look at the date, “Oh, yeah, this was a few days after all that club stuff.”

“Let’s watch it!” Tess claps, then she sits back down.

You squint your eyes a little bit to try and find John in the crowd of people, and you immediately spot him, “There he is.”

“Who is this guy?” Tess asks as she looks at John.

“A guy I worked with for a while.” John exhales, shaking his head, “I told him not to do this, but he didn’t listen.”

“Santino.” you say, and John pats your leg a little. “Are you proud of me for remembering?”

John shrugs, then he pulls your chair closer to him, “To be honest, yeah, I didn’t think you’d remember all of this stuff.”

“Okay, so this is the guy who wanted John to kill his sister so that he could take her place at the…don’t tell me…” you look at John, holding up your finger, “The…Council.”

John laughs, “The High Table, but you were close.”

“Oh, well, okay, so he wanted John to kill his sister so that he could have her place instead because their dad had left it for her and not him, so when John followed through with that, Santino then put a hit out on John so he could avenge the death of his sister. It’s very twisted, and these people are all sketchy as hell. I mean, who the hell would kill their sister for some spot at a fucking table?”

“I’d kill you to get that good spot at the adult table during family Christmases 15 years ago.” Tess says, and you both start to laugh. “How did you feel when he asked you?”

John exhales and shakes his head as he gets up to get himself another drink, “I was…pissed when he first asked. I told him not to do it. I told him to find someone else, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“So basically, Santino was a big cry baby because he didn’t get the seat? Figures. Men.” Tess rolls her eyes. “What happened after he took out the hit?”

You look at John as he gestures to you, and you smile when they all look over at you, “So after that, there was a hit out on John and…oh, wait, so John was in Rome when he killed Gianna, that’s Santino’s sister. Wait, wait, wait, I already know John will correct me. Technically John didn’t kill her, she went out on her own. So anyway, he flew back here to the city and he was…uh, I don’t know where you were going, baby.”

“I was going find Santino.” he says, and his voice is so deep that it covers your arms in goosebumps and causes you to shiver.

“Right! He was going to find Santino. He was celebrating his new seat at the High Table, and well, I suppose this is where the video picks up. John found him.”

You, Tess, and Jimmy lean over the laptop as you press play on the video, and you look up at John as he watches you. A small smile spreads across his face as he moves to the fridge to pull out an apple, then he walks back over to sit next to you.

“Look at his face, it’s already covered in blood.” Tess says, frowning a little. “Oh, oh. Oh, my god. They’re in a stand off. Hey, I just realized that John shoots with his right hand. Aren’t you a lefty like this one?”

John gasps, “You’re left handed?”

“Shut up.” you nudge him as you laugh, “Like you don’t know.”

“Jimmy and I are both right handed.” Tess says, beaming proudly. “Which just means Finn will probably be left handed, and we’ll have no idea how to teach him to tie his shoes or hold a fork.”

You smile, “Well, he has an aunt and uncle who are more than happy to help.”

You laugh a little as Tess begins to narrates the video, and you reach over to hold John’s hand, making sure he knows that you’re comfortable. The camera in the museum doesn’t flash from room to room like the club did, which you’re thankful for since you can see everything that John is doing, like shooting 7 guys within 5 seconds and doing that weird flip he tried to teach you once.

“Hey! You tried to teach me that.” you say, looking over at him, “Now that I’ve seen it, I can totally do that!”

John winks, “Next time we practice.”

“Well, now he’s gone.” Tess laughs, then she perks up when she realizes she can switch the camera to a different room, “Let’s try this one. Nope, not here, but there’s a few guys waiting for him. Oh, there’s Santino. God, I hope you kicked his ass, John.”

You look at Tess as she looks over at you, and you grimace a little, “He’s the reason John was excommunicated. John killed him in the hotel, even though he knew the consequences.���

Tess nods her head, then she looks back at the laptop as she clicks through more rooms, “Oh, there he is. Oh, never mind, he’s gone again. God, John, don’t you ever stay still?”

“Gotta keep movin’, Tess.” Jimmy says, leaning against the counter, “Try this one.”

You watch John as he continues to shoot every person he passes, occasionally getting into a bit of hand to hand combat. You’re not really fazed by this stuff anymore. John has told you pretty much everything, and sometimes when he’s in a good mood from a job, he’ll actually tell you how things went down. You’re more interested in how John can easily go from that to this: domestic, calm, relaxed, happy, laughing John Wick.

It makes sense that he’s able to separate the two, he’s been doing it for years, but he’s even better at it now since he doesn’t work as often anymore. He’ll take a job every few weeks, but for the most part, John is at home a lot. And he reminds you every time you bring it up that this is where he wants to be.

“John, you are so dramatic. Like, did you really need to flip over that guy like that and lay on the floor?” Tess laughs, and you smile a little, keeping your eyes on the laptop.

“Okay, but isn’t he hot though?” you say, and Tess nods her head in agreement. You widen your eyes when you think you see something, and you point at the screen, “No, go back, go back! It switched cameras and it’s in this room now, but go back.”

Tess rewinds the video a few seconds, then you lean closer to the screen waiting for John to pop back up again. He comes through the door and just…chucks his gun at some guy’s head.

“You just threw a gun at that guy’s head!” you laugh loudly, then bend over to hold your sides, “Holy shit, I shouldn’t be laughing, but Jonathan, oh my god.”

“Hey, everything and anything is a weapon.” Jimmy laughs, “Even an empty weapon.”

You tilt your head back, then lean your head against his shoulder, “You really are dramatic. We’re going to have the most dramatic children on this planet.”

John laughs, “Yeah, and they’ll get most of their dramatics from you.”

You’re done watching the videos now, but you know that Tess has them on her laptop, and when the two of you are bored, you’ll pull them out for some entertainment. Which is probably a little morbid if you think about it.

Tess yawns loudly, then she looks at the clock, “I’m going to take a quick nap. We still have plans for dinner, right?”

You nod, “Yup! Just you and I. Leaving the boys at home.”

She nods her head as she yawns again, then she walks out of the room with Jimmy right behind her, leaving you alone with John.

You take a deep breath and look over at John, “So…”

“So…” he laughs, “I had a nice little nap. Didn’t even realize I fell asleep.”

“I was rubbing your back for literally a minute and the next thing I knew, you were just snoring. I figured you could use a nap, so I just left you in there.” you smile, moving his hair out of his face, “Sleepy babe.”

John pulls your chair closer to him, then he grabs your legs and puts them on either side of his waist so you’re straddling him, and you wrap your arms around his neck to keep yourself from falling to the ground.

“Since you’re leaving in a little bit and I didn’t get to talk to you about everything earlier, can I talk to you now?”

You nod, “Of course.”

“Not here though.” he says, and he holds tight to your waist as he sets you back on the ground, “Maybe we could go down by the lake.”

You and John hold hands as you walk outside, and you smile when you look over your shoulder and see Bleu following behind you. He picks up his favorite toy that John always tosses for him at the lake, and he runs ahead happily. It’s pretty warm today, so you might even stand in the water for a little bit, but only where you can see the bottom. You can’t trust those fish!

John sits down under the tree, then he reaches for your hand and pulls you next to him, “Sorry, I should have brought a blanket. I can go grab one.”

“No, no,” you touch his arm, scooting closer, “This is fine, and since when do I need a blanket? A little dirt never hurt.”

“It’s a nice day today, isn’t it?”

You look across the lake as you nod, “It is a very nice day. It’s not too hot, which is nice because I hate being sweaty.”

There’s a family who lives across the lake from you and whenever it’s warm out, they’re always outside swimming in the water and jumping off the back of their pontoon. Their laughter is carried across the water, and it almost sounds like they’re right in front of you. You can’t help but smile when all the children stand in a line at the end of the dock and jump in. The mom claps her hands as the children swim around, and you laugh a little when the dad sneaks up behind her and pushes her into the water.

“Ooh, bad move, dad.” John laughs.

“She better get him back for that.” you laugh, then look over at John, “I would totally get you back if you did that to me.”

“You have! Many times.” he laughs, leaning over to kiss your cheek. He wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you closer to him, “So, you got to see me work.”

“I did, it was very exciting. Kind of surreal how different my version of you is.”

John takes his arm from off your shoulder and reaches for your hand, “The guy that you saw on those videos, that's not me anymore. I mean, it is when I need it to be. If something happened to you, I would be that man in a heartbeat. But the real version of me is the one here. The one I am when I'm with you.”

You bite your lip to keep yourself from smiling, and John cocks up his eyebrow a little bit.

“Just say it. It was cheesy.”

“No, no, I'm not laughing at you, baby.” you laugh and squeeze his hand, “I'm sorry, that was just so sweet.”

John cups your face and smiles, “The real version of me is this one. The one sitting here with you right now. The one who...makes you breakfast in bed and loves taking baths with you, and the one who gets to laugh at your jokes, the one who gets to eventually have a baby with you. The real version of me is the one I get to be because of you. The one who is absolutely and irrevocably in love with you.”

You tilt your head back and laugh, “Irrevocably.”

“It's true, and you know it.” he says, nudging your shoulder a little. “I know you feel the same way.”

“I do.” you nod, then you press a warm kiss to John's lips, “I very much do.”

John is staring at you as you look away, and you can feel his gaze on you. He tends to watch you a lot so you're not really bothered by it anymore, it's actually pretty endearing, considering you do the same to him all the time.

“Do you really think I wouldn’t leave behind everything for you?”

You look at John, furrowing your brow, “What?”

“Earlier you said that I left behind everything to be with Helen. You said you wished someone would do that for you.” he says, holding your gaze, “Do you really think I wouldn’t?”

You shrug, “I guess I didn’t mean it like that.”

“But you did.” he says, nodding, “You meant it like that, and that’s okay, but I need you to know that I will leave behind everything for you. Why do you think I don’t work as much? I’m slowly pulling away from that life for you.”

“I didn’t ask you to do that.” you say, a little too harshly.

“You didn’t need to.” he says softly, and you look over at him again, “I would be willing to leave it all behind for you -- I am willing. Once you get pregnant, I will not leave your side. You’re gonna be so sick of me by the end of those 9 months.”

You let out a small laugh as you shake your head, “Not likely.”

“If I can’t leave your side while you’re pregnant, how would I ever do it once we have a baby?” John says, then he cups your face, “A job isn’t important to me. Nothing is more important to me than you.”

“I can’t ask you to walk away from that life again, John.”

“You’re not asking me, I’m doing it on my own.” he takes a deep breath, then he looks at you again, “Working is just not what’s important to me anymore. I don’t want to miss out on any moment of your pregnancy, or our baby’s life.”

You scoff, “Yeah, I’m sure you’re really looking forward to the nausea, constipation, and hemorrhoids.”

“Babies get those?” he teases, and you nudge his stomach.

“Actually, they can, but it’s rare.” you say, and John looks at you quizzically, “Been reading Tess’ baby books. Pretty scary stuff in there.”

John chuckles, “I really need to read some of these books.”

The two of you laugh quietly as you watch the family across the lake swimming, and you tuck yourself even more into John’s arms as you close your eyes and feel the breeze against your skin. You’re fairly certain that nothing is better than this moment, and you’re going to soak in every single second of it.

“58 days.” John says, and you tilt your head back to look at him, “You’re officially Mrs. Wick in 58 days.”

You smile as you nod your head, “And I can’t wait.”

__

@tnu-ree​ @dangerouslystrangecrown​ @weird-civilian @callmeglenncoco @sanctuarygirl​ @meetmeinthematinee​ @jessicajones616​ @artistic-discontentment @cheekybluefox​ @jazzyboo2001 @a-small-independent-princess @thepastrecedes01​ @rubywantsafuitgummy​ @sterekislyf​ @lostandfaceless​​ @sweetgoodangel​​ @racharr @star017​ @ladyren33​ @whatcolourisanorange​​ @lunaticgurly​ @ficsnroses​​ @wheretheriversrunintothesea​

[cutie1365]

A Kid from Queens Part 13

Pairing: Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Info: CA: Civil War Era. Tony Stark enlists his daughter to find the web slinging spider in Queens.

Word count: 2921

Warnings: PG-13. Please tell me if I need to add anything.

A/N:  Wow it’s been a while. Please let me know what you think! Comments and words of encouragement make me want to write and post so much more!

Masterlist linked in my bio. Taglist in the reblog. Remember to like, and comment or reblog to stay on my taglist!

             - - - - - 🕷 - - - - - 

Your breath caught in your throat as you jolted upright with a gasp. Your eyes scanned the room as realized you were awake and it was just a dream. A nightmare. Inhaling a few deep breaths, you attempted to control your breathing. Dropping your head into your hands and rubbing your eyes, as if to try and erase the images you saw.

You felt the bed shift beside you, and a quiet sweet voice rang through the silence.

“Y/N,” Two gentle hands found your body, wrapping comfortingly around you, “Are you ok?”

You simply nodded in response. You hadn’t looked at him yet. You were terrified that if you did you would just see flashes of what had woken you up only moments ago. It looked so real, it felt so real. But it wasn’t true, Peter was here, he was ok.

“Nightmare?” He asked quietly. A nod was all you could muster. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You raised your head finally, your eyes finding his in the dark. Reaching a hand out to cup his face and stroke his cheek, a sad smile donned your face that was meant to reassure Peter.

“Not really.” You whispered back with a shake of your head.

“That’s ok. Come here.” He beckoned you back into his arms.

You laid in silence with your head on his chest, listening to the smooth, melodic beating of his heart. Something was weighing heavily on your mind, Peter knew that much.

You propped your head up against his chest so that your eyes met.

“It’s just so unfair, for the universe to bring into my life the perfect guy at the most imperfect time.” You spoke suddenly.

“Maybe life’s not so cut and dry like that. Maybe there will never be a perfect time. Maybe we just have to make due with the time that we’re given.” Peter suggested.

You didn’t answer, you were lost in your own mind. Replaying the events of the last few weeks.

“What are you thinking about?” Peter asked, moving his fingers into your hair, finding your weakness.

“How none of this would have happened if it weren’t for that article.” You spoke with a guilty tone.

“You can’t know that, and now we can’t change that.” Peter tried to comfort you, since when did he get so mature?

“But I don’t want to-“ Your voice broke as tears began to well up in your eyes.

“Don’t want to what?” Peter asked, scanning your face in concern.

“Say goodbye to you. I just want to stay right here in this bed like this forever.” A stray tear slipped through the barricade and slid down your face.

“But you can’t. You can’t stop living just because of one slip up.” Peter tried to reassure you, swiping his thumb across your cheek to catch the tear.

“I just want to be with you, I wish it could just be as simple as that.” More tears began to spill now.

“Our lives will never be simple. I shoot webs and fight bad guys. You make technology that literally kills aliens. This isn’t simple, but it also doesn’t have to be. We can be perfectly complicated.” Peter smiled, trying to cheer you up, trying to give you hope.

“What if perfectly complicated means we have to wait for this press frenzy to blow over before we can be perfectly complicated together again?” You asked with a frown.

“If you think that’s what’s best, you know I’d wait however long for you.” Peter smiled a sweet, naive, hopeful smile. You sighed in response.

“That’s what I’m worried about! I don’t want you to press pause on your life for me. And what if it happens again? One picture, that’s all it takes, and we have to start this all over again.” You argued.

“So what do you want?” He asked quietly, pushing himself up slightly.

“It’s not what I want, but maybe what we need.” You answered quietly.

“And what’s that?” Peter asked, his tone and demeanor changed, as if he was preparing himself for your answer. As if he’d lost hope that this would go in his favor.

“Maybe we need time. Like a month or so, long enough for this to blow over. A month where we both get to live our separate lives. And at the end if we decide that it’s something worth fighting for— we give it a shot. Press or no press.” You suggested.

“I assume we wouldn’t be able to see each other during this month.” Peter asked, disappointed but understanding.

“Not unless absolutely necessary. Like emergencies or something.” You shook your head.

“And business? About the suit or something?” He asked once more.

“Happy’s still your point guy, you should probably just go through him.” You replied.

Peter sat quiet for a minute. Each growing second of silence made you more and more nervous waiting for his reply.

“Alright.” He nodded, and you smiled. He was giving this a chance, you were both giving this a chance, a fair fight, “Now would you get up here so I can kiss you? If this is my last night with you we’ve got to make it one to remember.” Your cheeks flushed at his forward ness.

“Bold of you to assume I could ever forget you Peter Parker.” You smiled sweetly, before your lips reunited.

              - - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

At 5 am F.R.I.D.A.Y. raised the electronic sunshades in your bedroom, letting in the early morning glow. You groaned as her voice filled the room, informing you of the time.

“It should be a crime to wake up this early.” Peter whined in a groggy voice.

“I agree,” You mumbled as you nuzzled into him, your head on his chest, tracing shapes with your anxious fingers. An unspoken heaviness hung around the room. You were both trying to make these last few moments last. One of you have to break the growing silence.

“I wish it didn’t have to be this way, trust me.” You looked up into his eyes.

“But it does.” He replied in understanding and you nodded.

You kissed him once more, like a prisoner on death row indulging in their last meal.

“Your guests will be arriving shortly Ms. Stark,” F.R.I.D.A.Y reminded you.

The two of you quickly and quietly got ready before walking Peter to the door.

“You’re really something Ms. Stark.” He smiled, standing in your doorway. You both agreed that it would be a good idea if he left through the lobby as Peter Parker, not as Spider-Man through a window.

“That’s Dr. Stark to you.” You smirked, cherishing what might be your last few tastes of witty banter with him.

“Oh my apologies doctor.” He mirrored your smirk and turned to leave.

“Hey Peter, “ You grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, wrapping your arms around him, “I really am sorry. I wish things were different.”

Peter tilted your chin up to him and kissed you one last time.

With an optimistic smile, he said, “Who knows, maybe one day they will be.”

             - - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

You welcomed Linda into your apartment not too long after. The first thing she did was squint and examine you, and you just knew a comment was coming.

“You look tired.” She raised a brow, the nerve of this woman.

“It’s 5:30 in the morning.” You retorted.

“Hm.” She scanned you up and down once more, “Well hair and makeup are on their way up, nothing some concealer and a hairbrush can’t fix.”

You sat in silence for the next hour, nearly nodding off every five minutes while your hair was pulled and your face covered.

Once the magic had been done Linda fiddled with your hair to make sure it was just the way she wanted it. A knock on your door pulled her from her trance, and the look on her face shifted: showtime.

As she pulled the door open with a smile that was far too bright for 6:30 am, you recognized the infamous Executive Editor immediately. You were surprised to see him, considering this wasn’t the site of a swanky new club opening or new age gallery party.

“Taylor Antrim, Vogue. It’s a pleasure to meet you Ms. Stark,” He spoke with a smirk as he stuck out his hand for you to shake. He exuded confidence, and you didn’t know whether to be intimidated or impressed.

“Y/N, please.” You smiled, taking his hand in yours. Two could play this game, you smirked back mirroring his cocky demeanor.

“Just wait until you hear his idea, it’s amazing!” Linda raved as we all took our place in your perfectly staged living room. She already knew? Of course she already knew, you thought, it was probably her idea in the first place.

“We want you to wear the dress.” The Editor spoke with an excited smile.

“The dress?” You asked carefully, fearing you already knew the answer.

“Your gala dress.” He answered, as if it was obvious. Your eyes grew wide. They took your silence as an opportunity to try and sell you on it, “As a show of strength, you’re fighting back. You’re rising above. A phoenix from the ashes. Regaining power over your trauma and not letting it rule your life. Just like you said- not letting them win.”

“But-” You tried but were cut off.

“It’s shocking, it’s new, it’s perfect.” Taylor spoke with expressive hand gestures.

“It’s torn and bloody.” You shot back, “Don’t you think that will be a little too... gory?”

“No no no. Picture it- Your hair and makeup is going to be fierce, edgy. You’ve got the dress, with the ripped slit up the thigh. It’s sexy, its powerful. Then pointed directly at the camera, you’ve got the Iron Man hand. You’re taking control; of your life, of your destiny, over the people who did this.” He laid it out for you, mimicking the movements and the pose.

You looked over to Linda and knew... you didn’t have a choice.

            - - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

“Hey Youtube, today we’re here with Y/N Stark in her new stunning 5th Avenue apartment. Why don’t you start the tour.” Your interviewer motioned to you with a cheerful smile. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad, you thought.

“Right this way!” You welcoming them inside with a sultry smile, “So now, obviously, we’re in the living room. Over here we’ve got the kitchen. But we’ve got two options. Down this hallway, we've got a gym, an office, and a little lab where I’m working on a few new projects. Or we could go this way towards the bedroom, closet and terrace. Up to you.”

“We hear your closet is to die for! Why don’t we start there?” She spoke, tugging the camera man in that direction. Typical. No one cares about the tech you develop in the lab. They care about how many shoes you have.

“Let’s do it.” You laughed, doing your best to hide your annoyance and play your part.

           - - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

After a mind numbing few hours of getting footage of your entire apartment, you were finally free... somewhat. You had one of your planned outings with Thomas soon that you weren’t entirely dreading, though that’s mainly because who had a plan of your own.

Phase one: Dinner at a fancy restaurant known to be a spot rife with paparazzi.

Phase two: A stroll around 5th and into the park, arm in arm with some tipped off paparazzi following you around.

Phase three: Thomas inevitably invites you back up to his place after. Here’s where you’d usually decline and make up an excuse, but you needed to fast track a few things and knew this was the perfect opportunity. So you surprise him, and accept.

As Thomas ushers you into his house with a hand on your lower back that drops once the door was shut, you knew this was the best time to act. While his back is turned locking the door, you slip a bug onto the side of the entry table so you can easily snatch it on your way out. That will work on hacking into the wifi and any accounts affiliated with the network. You estimate it will take about 25 minutes to collect all the data for you to comb through once you return home. Now you just have to wait.

Thomas turned back to you, suspecting nothing, and offered you a drink. You declined as the two of you entered into the main sitting room. He was about to speak and fill the silence when his phone rang.

“What channel?” He spoke into the phone, picking up the TV remote and switching it to whatever channel someone, probably a publicist, was telling him to.

The volume began to blare as he adjusted it, and the sound of your name caused you to whip around and face the screen.

“Y/N Stark said herself that Thomas was over at the time of this Spider sighting. Is it possible that the answer is as simple as that? Thomas De Blasio is Spider-Man?” One reporter spoke, sounding very convinced at this frankly absurd conspiracy.

“They were both at the gala!” The co-host joined in, fueling the fire.

You stared at the screen in disbelief. As if things couldn’t get any worse, someone started a rumor that Thomas is Spider-Man. How could people even believe this? How could he possibly swing into the gala from the outside if he was already inside, cowering behind you might you add. But you also know that now a days, people don’t care about facts, they care about entertainment.

Surely his father, the mayor, wouldn’t want to be associated with a vigilante, these rumors have to be put to bed.

“Thomas, this isn’t good.” You turned back to him with a stern look.

“It would actually be kind of cool, all the attention I would get if I came out-” He tried to continue put you cut off his attention whore daydream.

“No. You have to deny this. Spider-Man is a...  vigilante. You can’t have that connected to you and your father's campaign. They’d put you in jail, they’d make you sign the Accords... I don’t know, but none of this is worth it when it’s not even true.” You started to ramble but had to catch yourself before you let on more than you’d like.

“Uh fine, you’re right. But who’s to say they’d even believe me if I denied it.” He raised an eyebrow with a smirk, obviously loving this public attention right now.

“I’m not your publicist, I don’t know.” You shot back and turned back towards the screen to see if they’ve changed the subject yet.

“Whoever he is, you’re really trying to protect him, aren't you?” Thomas spoke, and your jaw dropped slightly. Maybe he wasn’t as dumb as you thought.

“What are you talking about?” You whipped back to face him, speaking with an angry tone, attempting to deny his correct accusation.

“Spider-Man.” He stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world

“I don’t even know him.” You shook your head, and tried to make your tone sound as annoyed and convincing as possible.

“Sure you don’t. You can keep your secrets, whatever.” He rolled his eyes. Now you were really set off.

“I’m the one with secrets?!?” You yelled, motioning towards him with your finger,  “You’re the one who used me- for years! You told me you loved me. Was any of that real?”

“Ok fine. You want the truth?” He yelled back, but the more he spoke the less angry his tone got and the more genuine it sounded, “The truth is that it started as a set up, yes. But along the way... yeah I started to fall for you. You’re more than just a pretty face, you’re smart and good. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

You shook your head and rolled your eyes. Turning your back on him once more.

“You know I was really worried about you after the gala. I saw you get hit and I didn’t think you were going to get back up.” He approached you, laying a hand on your shoulder.

“Well you were a big help cowering behind me while I stood up and fought.” You smacked his hand off as you turned around to retort.

“Well thank god Spider-Man showed up.” He spoke, not without insinuation.

“Why would someone even attack a campaign fundraiser?” You asked, looking for a shift in his eyes, to see if he knew something... but you saw nothing. You attempted to compose yourself, you couldn’t let your emotions get in the way and accidently expose your true motives here.

“People are crazy, this is New York baby. Come on, let’s have a drink, stay a while.” He motioned towards the bar, clearly wanting to get off this subject.

You heard F.R.I.D.A.Y. speak into your earpiece, “data retrieval complete”. Perfect timing.

“Can’t, I’ve got a million applications to read for the Internship Program.” You spoke, not dropping your slightly annoyed tone as you made your way towards the door, slipping your bug into your pocket, and Thomas didn’t suspect a thing. That’s what happens when you’re taught sleight of hand by Natasha Romanov.

As long as people continue to underestimate you, this was going to be a breeze. They’d never see you coming.

           - - - - - 🕷 - - - - -

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[uniqueanjol]

Simply unexpected prt.26

From the back patio, the front deck, kitchen table, couch, bed and floor, my ideas ran ragged. Writer's block. The thought of my family and the Text I had yet to respond to stayed buried in my brain. The moment I began to write something would stir up and I would lose motivation and rhythm.I played music to drown the silence but no beat made my fingers dance on the keys of my laptop. I slam it closed, frustrated I changed from my typical lyricless music to One of my favorite songs and got ready for the day. I put on my bright colored eyeshadow followed by large winged eyeliner and false lashes. I brushed my hair pulling half back into a ponytail. As I brushed my teeth I looked down at my phone and scrolled over my messages… “Sams right.”

Grace: Good Afternoon, Sorry for the late response, been busy. But, Thank you for breakfast! You saved me. I enjoyed hanging out with you too :)

… … [SEND]

After Several hours of procrastination and anxiously checking the phone for a response it was time to get ready for the day. Groceries were not going to get themselves. Besides maybe some fresh air and a change of environment would help get the ideas flowing and away from family and mable. Black shirt, Black jeans leather jacket, boots and dark eyeliner and bright makeup, “perfect.” I looked in the mirror, dark had always been the way I dressed, it was comfortable for me. “See you later Neko!” I shout, grabbing my laptop and a notebook then heading to my car. The drive was long but I didn’t mind. The scenery and music brought me endorphins and allowed me to get lost in my own daydreams. Bobbing my head to the lyrics getting ready for the best part of the song my song paused and my car read- “Text from- A-A-A1-2-3 -Parenthesis-It’s- Mable- Colon- P- Parenthesis.” Seri Always had a way to fuck up names.

“Hey! Sorry for my late response as well, I’m at work right now. I get off at 6:30 if you want to come by. If not I understand it's a far drive. Hope you have a good day!”

The robotics voice filtered out and my music began to play once more this time on a new song. “Dammit I missed my favorite part.” I frown and chew on the inside of my cheek. I could go in for a late lunch after I get my groceries, that wouldn’t be weird right? Frantically I shake the thoughts from my brain, “Texting was enough, I don’t need to see her for the third day in a row… But it would be nice to sit in that bar for inspiration. The first time I stepped inside I thought about how easy it would be to gain quality ideas. The pros and cons weighted to one side, I could get food, inspiration, and see Mable without it being too awkward. My thoughts passed the time well pulling into a parking spot in front of the supermarket.

Aimlessly walking through the issle I replace the Items that still sit rotting in my trunk along with a few more on sale Fruits and veggies.I can see though the window the lights flashing across the street at the bar, “OPEN” I look at the cashier, “should I?” She pauses looking at me while scanning my items. Puzzled, “What?” I nod, “Should I, no context , yes or no?” She pushed her lips and thought for a second, “I always say yes. Unless it’s something illegal.” She leans over the counter as I swipe my car, “for what if you don’t mind?” her short blonde hair fell forward framing her face. Laughing awkwardly I step back, “uh well I got asked to see someone at work from the bar. And I’m a little nervous so... I sometimes ask strangers for help and most of the time it works.” She squinted her eyes shifting her arms under her breast exposing her name tag under her hair, Dom. A smile crept onto her face, “ohh I see! Is it the Guy that works there?? Tall, Curly hair? Or..” she looks me up and down, “the girl?” I stutter, “The girl.”

She Swings her arms back and smiles, “Mable?! Oh I love her! She’s so sweet and funny! I definitely say go for it!” I step back, “Wait, you know her?” My heart dropped, nervous to receive information about her. Dom nods, “of course! Who doesn't know Mable? She's helped me with Homework a few times and we hang out! I live in the city next to the college so I know all the Hot spots.” She's sporadic when she talks somewhat like myself. “Why do you work here if you live in the City?” She Waves her hand, “The pay is better and not only that but people are creeeepy! They know where you work and stare at me in class, so the farther away the better.” I nod because I can relate to her struggle. “Well, it's your choice but I say yes! She’s a cool chick and will literally help you with anything. She's so nice, but seems KINDA Lonely. Not in a bad way! She has lots of friends but… Like…” she places her hand to her chin looking up at the ceiling with eyes wondering, “she’s, single.. And like, not many options to mingle. But also doesn't try or ‘want’ to mingle.” She snaps back looking at me, “does that make sense?” She waves her hand, “Hold on!” she rips my receipt and begins to write on it. “Here’s my number! I’ll talk to you about it when I’m off! Maybe you can join us for a girls night!” She hands me the torn piece of paper smiling eagerly, practically shoving it in my face. I couldn't help but laugh as she did. Her bubbly-ness was so inviting. I take the paper and place it in my pocket, thanking her and taking my groceries to the car. “Thank you!” I shout walking out the store door. She waves frantically, “Bye friend!”

[applepiewinchesters]

Straight Shot (Malcolm Bright x Reader)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

 When Malcolm didn’t come home that night you’d just figured he was working late, it was Halloween and Gil had called you about the case they were on, warning you Malcolm might be out late.

So, you went to bed thinking he’d be there when you woke, but that wasn’t the case.

It was about 3:30 in the morning when the ringing of your phone startled you awake. You’d only been asleep a few hours, and when you saw Gil’s name flash across your screen, a feeling of dread settled in your stomach.

Quickly grabbing the phone from the nightstand, you answered the call, “Gil? What’s wrong?” you asked, concern obvious in your tone.

“Y/N, it’s uh…it’s Malcolm, he got shot, he was in a junkyard in the Bronx, we’re on the way to the hospital right now,” Gil told you.

You were already out of bed now, pulling your jeans back on and grabbing a hoodie from the closet.

“Which hospital?” you asked, grabbing your purse and shoes.

*

It only took a short taxi ride before you were at the hospital, you gave the driver a little more money to step on it, this was literally life or death.

Hurrying into the emergency room, you found Gil sitting in a chair, he looked exhausted. More than likely because of Malcolm’s obvious lack of self-preservation.

“Gil!” you called, quickly hurrying over to him.

The older man stood from the chair, holding his arms out, immediately engulfing you in a hug. You returned the hug, holding back the tears already threatening to spill over.

Maybe it wasn’t even that bad and you were already freaking out, Gil didn’t say where Malcolm was shot.

“I-Is he okay?” you asked, pulling away from Gil.

Gil gave you a weary smile, “He lost a lot of blood, he’s in emergency surgery right now,” he explained.

You bit your lip, sitting down in the closest chair, you felt like you were going to pass out any second.

Gil sat down beside you, taking your hand in his, “He’s Malcolm, he’ll get through it,” he tried reassuring you.

“He better, or I’ll kill him,” you said, making Gil chuckle.

You both sat in those chairs for at least another two hours before a doctor finally came out, “Malcolm Bright,” he called to the nearly empty room.

Both you and Gil quickly stood up, “Is he alright? Did he pull through?” you asked hastily.

The doctor held up his hands, “He lost a lot of blood as I’m sure you know, we managed to remove the bullet and patch him up, he’s asleep but in recovery now if you’d like to see him.”

You nodded quickly, looking back to Gil, “I’ll make a few calls and then I’ll be there,” he told you.

“I’ll text you the room number,” you said before following the doctor to Malcolm’s room.

When you entered the hospital room, you weren’t exactly prepared for the sight of Malcolm in that bed, hooked up to different types of monitors, an oxygen mask over his face.

He was going to freak when he woke up, he hated being in the hospital almost as much as you hated just sitting in one. They smelled like old people and whenever you went there that meant something bad had happened.

Plus, they’ve no doubt drugged him up to make him sleep, you saw they’d already strapped him down in the bed with restraints, probably learned their lesson about a month ago when he got bit by that Black Mamba and then nearly attacked a nurse when he woke up.

“Thank you,” you told the doctor, who nodded politely before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

You sighed, grabbing a chair and pulling it next to the bed before plopping down in it.

Pulling out your phone, you texted Gil the room number before slipping your phone into your pocket and reaching out, taking one of Malcolm’s hands in your own, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles.

“You probably can’t hear me right now,” you began, “but if anything goes wrong…you better not die on me Malcolm Bright.”

The tears were coming again, and you let them this time, a sob escaping your lips.

He looked horrible, he was so pale and was almost cold to the touch. The doctor didn’t confirm if he was really going to be okay, who knows, maybe he’d never wake up.

The bullet had pierced his stomach, just barely missing his spine, at least that’s what Gil had told you. It’d torn him up inside though, and considering it took first responders nearly twenty minutes to get there, it only got worse as he waited.

There have been so many close calls, a few grazes here and there, but he’d never actually been shot, he’d never been injured this badly.

It was everyone’s worst nightmare, that call in the middle of the night saying a loved one’s been shot, not even knowing if they’ll be alive when you get to the hospital or if it’s already too late.

Wiping at your eyes, you took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm down. If Malcolm woke up and saw you like this then he would freak out, and no one needed that right now.

Sighing, you laid your head down on the bed, resting your head on your arm, keeping your eye on Malcolm’s heart monitor, the steady beeping a comfort to you, he was still here.

You must have fallen asleep because you were rudely awakened by the sound of a woman’s voice.

Sitting up in your chair groggily, you took in your surroundings, the details of the night before hitting you like a truck. Quickly, you looked to Malcolm, he was still asleep, it looked like he hadn’t moved.

“Hey kid, you okay?” you heard Gil ask and you looked up, seeing Gil and a woman you recognized as Jessica Whitly standing there.

You rubbed at your eyes, nodding, “Yeah, what time is it?” you asked.

“9 a.m.” Jessica said, her voice sharp, and Gil here decided to finally let me know that my son was shot and in the hospital about an hour ago.”

“He doesn’t need a whole group of people here, he’s asleep first of all, and Y/N was here to watch him, it’s fine Jessica,” Gil said, trying to reassure Malcolm’s mother.

“It’s not fine!” Jessica shouted.

“Shhh!” you and Gil both said, you looked over to Malcolm, thankfully still soundly asleep.

“Look, come on, we can talk in the hall,” Gil said, taking Jessica’s arm gently, but she looked towards Malcolm, worried.

“I’ll stay with him,” you reassured.

Jessica sighed, “Fine,” she said curtly, following Gil into the hall.

When they were both gone you stood up, stretching, you walked around the room for a while, trying to decided if maybe you should try and sleep some more or maybe find some food.

Before you could decide anything, one of the machines behind you started beeping rapidly, you turned sharply, Malcolm’s eyes were wide open, and he was struggling against the restraints now. His heart monitor was going wild.

“Malcolm, Malcolm, hey, hey, it’s okay!” you said quickly, rushing to his side.

You gently pushed him back onto the bed, “Calm down, it’s okay, you’re in the hospital,” you explained.

Malcolm had stopped the struggling but was breathing hard, face contorted in pain.

A few nurses came rushing in, “Ma’am, we can help, please move,” one of them said.

You did as told, going into the hallway, Gil and Jessica were no where in sight, which was probably a good thing, Jessica would no doubt be freaking out, demanding to be in the room.  

It was only a few minutes later when the nurses came back out, “He’s calmed down, you can go back in,” one of them told you, giving you a soft smile.

You nodded, “Thank you,” you told him.

Heading back into the room, you saw they’d taken off the oxygen mask and removed the restraints, he didn’t really need them, as long as he wasn’t trying to rip out the IV in his arm.

“Hey,” you said softly, smiling.

“Sorry,” Malcolm spoke, his voice hoarse.

“It’s okay,” you told him, sitting down in your chair and taking his hand. Malcolm smiled softly, gripping your hand a bit. “Do you remember what happened?”

“I got shot,” Malcolm said, “in a junkyard.”

You nodded, “Did you see who it was?” you asked him.

Malcolm shook his head, “Too dark,” he told you.

Reaching out, you brushed a bit of hair from his forehead, “Your mother and Gil are here somewhere too, they’re both freaking out, your mom more so than Gil of course.”

Malcolm groaned slightly, “She’s going to give me an hour long lecture no doubt,” he told you.

“I can keep her out if you want,” you joked.

Your boyfriend shook his head, “No, it would make everything worse.”

“True,” you answered, sighing.

It was silent for a few moments before you spoke again, “Don’t ever do that again, when Gil called…I thought you…” you trailed off, not even wanting to think about it.

Malcolm smiled sadly, “I won’t, and I’m sorry, I never should have went alone.”

“Should have thought about that before you got shot by a random junk man,” you told him.

Malcolm looked tired, still pale from the loss of blood, but nevertheless he was trying to make you feel better, he put everyone first.

“C’mere,” he said, pulling you towards him.

You smiled, leaning forward and kissing him softly, when you pulled away, he tugged you too him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” you told him, he was trying to pull you onto the bed.

“Fine, don’t cuddle with your wounded boyfriend,” he said, making you laugh.

“Gonna pull the victim card now?” you asked, making Malcolm nod.

Sighing, you gave in, lying next to him on the bed, careful to not go anywhere near his patched-up abdomen. You rested your head on his shoulder as he laced his fingers with yours.

At least you could finally relax, Malcolm was alive, he woke up. Now the only bad thing about this was going to be the recovery, Malcolm was the biggest baby when he was sick, so you could only imagine how this was going to be.

It was better than picking out his casket though, that’s for sure.

He’d also probably get some sleep now given the fact he was going to be off duty for a while.

You both ended up falling asleep in the bed, and Gil made sure to snap a picture and showed it to the entire station, giving them all fuel to embarrass Malcolm when he came back to work a few weeks later.

 A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed this one, even if it was a bit angsty lol. Requests are open so feel free to send something in! Thanks for all the love! ~ Sara :)

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x21 Chapter Forty-Three

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) Are we really having a sub-plot about Jane fighting with another mom over a children’s birthday party entertainer? Hmmmmokay.

2) I feel like Jane getting a publishing deal thanks to her grandma meeting someone from Simon & Schuster would be kind of like a cop-out? Really? This is how the struggling mother and writer will get her book published? I really hope not… it would be disappointing.

3) Petra decided not to go to Jane’s wedding because of the whole Anezka thing, but Jane convinced her otherwise since they’re pretty much family. Petra then promised to keep Anezka away from Jane. But… how am I supposed to know if this really Petra or if it’s Anezka pretending to be Petra…?

4) Michael’s brother – whose character is so inconsequential I couldn’t be bothered to learn his name – gave him 48 hours to give up the hotel. We’re heading for disaster, I think. On top of that, Petra and Jane are telling him to take two very different roads, and he’s torn on what advice to follow.

5) Hmm. Jane’s professor just told her not to present her novel to the publisher, and I think this might be a case of artist envy? Or is she genuinely concerned about Jane’s prospects as a writer? 

6) Rogelio’s crew have gone on strike – they were hilariously inspired by Rogelio’s very own time-traveling novela – and they’ll start the picket line on Friday, the day before Jane’s wedding. And the venue is the set of the show, so that’s going to be a disaster, too. Not the wedding disaster I was expecting, but a disaster nonetheless. 

7) Petra swayed Rafael by telling him she loves him… as the father of her children. Can we please be done with the Petra and Rafael thing? She deserves better.

8) The entertainer canceled on Jane, I guess we should care?

9) Rogelio struck up a deal with one of the crew members – if he lasts a week as a crew member, they’ll postpone the picket line. If the doesn’t last, then he’ll become the face of the strike. This is the most interesting storyline in this episode, to be quite honest.

10) Alba is right, though, Mateo won’t remember the party nor would he know or care who the entertainer is… a birthday party for a one-year-old is simply done for the parents. 

11) It turns out… Jane is only suggesting Rafael he should turn himself in because Michael told her that’s what she should tell him… and it feels kind of… duplicitous? Treacherous? It’s definitely questionable advice.

12) Jane gets angry when Petra shows up to her and Rafael’s entertainment scouting date to do… exactly the same Jane is trying to do… manipulate Rafael into doing what she wants him to do and what she thinks is right for him. Why is what Jane does good and what Petra does evil? Can someone explain? Why are we expected to root for Jane? It’s been two seasons and it’s getting harder and harder to see why we should side with Jane. 

13) Surprisingly, and adorably, Rogelio turns out to be quite the handyman! He does the job well, and the crew decides to make things more difficult for him… I really hope this only ends up with him being excellent at all the jobs they line up for him and deciding to support their strike anyway, even if he technically wins the bet…

14) #rosmellio

15) You deserve it, Petra.

And Jane’s expression? She’s just as petty as Petra! She’s totally pissed she didn’t get to “win” this time.

16) Michael fell asleep reading Jane’s novel. He is honest with her, though, and tells her that the writing is good but it’s not exactly best-seller material.

17) The FBI just raided Rafael’s office and took him in, and who gave him up?

18)

I do hope his fear of leprechauns is brought up again in some form!

19) So… the whole FBI raid was a set-up to trick Derek (right, that’s his name!)

20) Unfortunately, Rafael is not Petra, and he couldn’t get Derek to confess to bribing him on tape.

21) Rogelio literally faced his fear of heights to have Jane’s wedding happen and if that’s not the greatest father on television ever, I don’t know who is.

22) Jerry, the crew guy, tells Rogelio he’s keeping his promise and they will hold off the picket line to allow the wedding to happen…

I’m guessing the crew won’t forget that.

23) Poor Mateo is down with something, and Jane and Rafael are staying with him at the hospital overnight. This gives Rafael the chance to fess up to Jane and tell her he gave up the Fairwick. Jane tells him she fears this might not be the end of it, and in this show, is it ever...?

24) Mateo is celebrating his first birthday at the hospital…

25) The higher-ups are firing everyone in the crew before they get the chance to go on strike, and I know Rogelio won’t disappoint me.

26) It’s nice to see Jane and Rafael connect as parents, though…

You know what’s not nice? Rafael still lusting after Jane…

27) Everyone who matters shows up at the hospital to celebrate his first birthday, and honestly, that’s all that matters.

28) YES. ROGELIO CONTINUES TO BE THE BEST CHARACTER IN THIS SHOW AND I WILL FIGHT ANYONE OVER IT.

I have to join the picket line on Friday. (…) Telemasivo executives plan to replace them before that, and I can’t let that happen.

29) Michael has the sudden realization that the only reason Derek was so interested in getting the Fairwick is because they must’ve dug tunnels from the Marbella to there and hidden the drug money underneath it.

30) Well, there was something buried there alright…

31) Derek is off on a plane and talking to someone on the phone, telling them he’s on his way with the money. I’m guessing it’s Rose, I mean, who else could it be?

32) Jane needs to get off her high horse, it’s so fucking annoying. She’s so self-righteous and sanctimonious, they’re awful traits to have… And I can’t help but feel this reaction is mostly out of spite because Petra rubbed it in her face earlier when it was her turn to win. 

PETRA: I know... it's not a competition.  JANE: Yeah, well... I'm starting to think it is, actually.  PETRA: Excuse me? JANE: And I do hope Rafael comes to me for advice more.  PETRA: What?!  JANE: Because I won't tell him to do crazy things like staging a fake FBI raid.  PETRA: Well, I was trying something at least.  JANE: The wrong thing.  PETRA: Oh, will you stop already? There is no right or wrong, Jane.  JANE: That is not true.  PETRA: So, you think it's right for him to go to jail? Look, you're an optimist, that's all, and I'm a realist, and I'm getting tired of you assuming that you're the better person.

So... Petra showed up to mend fences, and Jane is all up on her high horse, claiming that what SHE tells Rafael to do is the RIGHT thing. Yes, Petra’s plan was kind of insane - though, technically, not illegal, I think? - but she was trying to protect Rafael. Jane claims to have Rafael’s best interest at heart, but she was actually just telling him to do what Michael told her he should do. And why does she have to be so self-righteous about it? I’m on Petra’s side, I’m also tired of Jane assuming she’s the better person just because she says so. 

33) So… Anezka has been visiting Magda in prison and doing what Magda tells her to do. They’ve been working together on a plan for a whole year… what is the plan, exactly?

34) I really don’t know what to expect from the season finale. I mean, obviously, there are several plots that will reach their climax during the finale – there’s the wedding, Anezka and Magda’s plan, the picket line, Michael chasing Derek… but I have no idea how messy or satisfactory it all might turn out to be. And I have no idea what plot points they might set up for next season… I was wondering, though, how high season 2 ranks as a favorite season? Because I found it all a bit meh? Anyway, I hope the season finale delivers a fun hour, at least.

35) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[maliciousdraggy]

[SERIOUS] how did you feel after failed suicide attempt

Hear me out, I know this might sound like a troll post but please let me get my story out and I hope to get feedback from this.

I just got out of the VA hospital for a 5 day stay in the mental health ward. They were really good people and I can not say enough praise about them but I have to lead everyone up to the point on which they were able to help me.

Before the cause of my stay in the hospital I honestly thought that people who self harmed was just people looking for attention or that maybe had some kind of fetish. I do my best not to judge people based on just one insight I have of the person but to be honest I've only knew a few in my life, a total of two to be honest and from knowing them in the aspects that they showed to the world I deemed them "attention whores" and never thought about it much ever since.

Last week I tried to take my life. The reasons honestly doesn't matter it could be ptsd, general life related or just simple lack of sleep.

I had my plan together, wife was at work, only mother-in-law was home and upstairs, I placed my dogs in my room and I was going to go into the back yard with a glock 38 .45 acp. I called 911 and informed them that they would have a body to pick up at this address and where it would be located. The Operator tried the normal stuff such as think of your family and friends and how much you would be hurting them with some other stuff but I was half way listening to be honest because my goal was to bed dead and the cops take my body before my wife and step kids got home.

so I laid down in the backyard next to the pool and fire pit I had put in years back, my left arm laid in dog shit and I just groaned to my self "this isn't what I want to leave behind". I wiped off the dog shit the best I could so at least it wouldn't be obvious to the first person that found my body that I willingly/mistakenly laid it in. I hear rambles on my smart phone not sure what she was saying but I'm guessing she was going through a checklist and then I brought the pistol up to my head.

I took a big deep breath and well you know the outcome I couldn't pull the trigger. I a man that has spent literally years in Iraq being shot and bombed against could not pull the fucking trigger....

The amount I hatred I felt for myself and for life as a whole will never be done in that moment. "You had 1 fucking job and you couldn't do it" "you pile of shit, gutless little faggot that always cried out for a way out but when it came you didn't have the balls". Words honestly can not do justice to the emotions I felt at the time. I already give the 911 operator my info so I knew I only had limited time to finish what I started.

I did not have a back up plan when I started this because I honestly thought I could take the shot. my mind jumped to slitting my wrist in all the Hollywood cliches movies I've seen in the past. I ran into my kitchen. my heart is pounding because I know I'm on a timer, the cops are coming and I need to be dead before they get here but I need to die outside. I grabbed a hand full of knifes that was in the butcher block thingie not sure what its called but it held 8 of them and came out with 3. I started cutting my left wrist with the biggest which I thought would be the sharpest and it just tore the skin. "shit its dull" then I grabbed the next one and rub my thumb across its blade in a right to left motion. It was also dull as well as the third.

So here I am dog shit on 1/2 of my left arm a pistol with 1 round in it in front of me and 3 different kinds of knifes around me while cops are coming...

yea fuck that, I knew I had a sharp or at least what I thought was sharp leatherman type knife I had from a while back in my den. I ran in, grabbed it and went back to the spot I picked to die *not sure why I picked this spot it just seemed like a nice place to die but I digress*. I started slicing at my left wrist, the first time I have ever cut my self on purpose in my life and the knife was not as sharp as I thought it was so I kept slicing and it would dig in then jump to another spot repeatedly but at least it was sharper than knifes in the kitchen. The 911 operator is still on my smart phone and I cant hear a word she is saying but I do remember saying "there we go" when I first start seeing beads then what I thought was an artery of blood sprint forth my arm *14 1/2 inches according to the nice people at the va and just kept repeatedly slicing.

Now during this time I thought I was done for so I was just going for style points and just to be sure. So I kept slicing and wincing at the pain when the knife jumped to another spot over and over again but with all the blood it was really hard to see what was being done and I just kept repeating the motion over and over again until I heard someone from my back right say my name and to drop the weapon. I do remember telling the officer that I'm not done yet. He yells at me again to drop the weapon and at this point I figure that I would listen to him because I'm already dead right? I've got my left arm covered with blood that has been stabbed and torn and sliced over 20 times no way I'm making my way out of this. I throw the knife down a good 5 feet from me and place my hand above my head as I was instructed I remember blood hitting my bald spot as I did this and was like "yea, going to die in peace on a stretcher somewhere and not on grass with dog shit on it". The Officer ask if I have any other weapons, I tell him I have a pistol with 1 round on it in front me. he ask that I stand up and by no means lean towards the pistol *I have nothing but respect for cops I know they are like people and some fuck up and there are good and bad ones but I'm not the type of shitlord that tries to make things hard for them* so I do what I'm told. The officer comes in front of me with a tact vest of some sort mostlikey running interceptor body armor *that shit is a joke* and an ar15 type rifle not sure if it was a sigg but he had his kit fully ready.

The officer reaches for the pistol thats around 2 foot in front of where I was squatting on the deck. he takes the pistol and throws it to the side. He had sunglasses on but if I was him I sure as hell wouldnt of taken an eye off of me. he ask if I had anymore weapon I tell him no. He then tells me to stand up and turn my back towards him which I do. He then ask me to lift up my shirt which I'm guessing is to make sure I didn't have any hidden weapons on me and at this point another officer appears in front of me. I dont know when he got there or how but I didn't notice until it already happened.

The 2nd officer checked my waistband again for something that might be hidden and tells me to keep my arms up. at this point my left arm is covered in blood and its just dripping all over the stone decking. I'm waiting for the whole pass out and never wake up thingie to happen but since you've read this far you know that didn't happen. After both officers checked me they called in emts which got to work on my arm and in my mine I thought "haha faggots ya too late, too slow on the draw /muahahhaha I win".

The EMTs starts cleaning off the blood and for the first time I can honestly see the real damage I did and let me be everything but misunderstood here "I was fucking ferrous". My entire arm that was covered in blood and I thought I was done for was just a shit load of nicks and scratches. 20 or 30 times I carved with the knife it was just jumping from 1 point to another very few places did it have what I would even call a decent cut.

So after the EMTs clear me the 2nd officer is talking with me and me being the big bitch I am had been crying the entire time in hopes that the cutting would put and end of my life/suffering. The 2nd officer tried doing the whole "what about you friends and family" speech bullshit which before then I thought was just a trope so I told him I'm a selfish asshole and I just want this one thing.

we go back and forth not sure for how long, maybe 15 mins *I'm not the best judge of time* before I'm handcuffed and put in back of a squad car then moved to another one because its 1 guys launch break *this is true a fuck and in the moment I'm like yea ok let the guy get some food because everyone hates working on there lunch break* so I'm moved into the other car and we make the way to the largest VA hospital in my area. The reason we are going to the VA is because they have seen me before on thoughts of suicide but this was the first time I've taken action. *if your asking why a guy who had seen the doc about suicide stuff still have a weapon, its simple really. I locked it in a quick release safe that only my wife has/had the code to. it took me 5 mins with a flat head screw driver to open it so keep that in mind if you have a quick release safe because of kids* I get to the hospital which took around an hour and the entire time cop number two was talking to me. IMO he is a good guy, not he's a cop so he's a good guy but he honestly seemed to care about what was going on.

I'm in the va hospital, cop number 2 talks to another cop there and says I'm non combative would he like for me to stay in restrains or not. cop number 3 says nah take'm off. so there I am, pissed at the entire world and myself most of all in a lil room with glass doors with a small Hispanic nurse next to me and the 3rd officer keeping and eye on me in the distance.

[lingenthusiast]

Do you want to talk about it?

Mercoledì - 27 febbraio 2019 - ore 21:34

Filippo: (21:34) Thanks for this evening, Eli Filippo: (21:34) I hope you had as much fun as I did

Elia smiled when he saw the messages. He did have fun. A lot. Talking, fooling around, taking, making out, talking, shagging, talking some more… It was nice and he loved that it started to become a regular thing. When he and Filippo first started meeting, he always thought it was a one-time-thing. Even after the third and fourth time, he was fairly sure that Filippo was in it just for the fun. After seeing each other several times a week for two months straight and texting whenever they were not around each other, he was positive they were dating, even though it wasn’t official. Somehow, it didn’t need to be.

Summary: Elia’s father is verbally abusive and Filippo is there for him afterwards.

warning: toxic parenting, verbal abuse, physical abuse mentions

and thanks once again to @loving-nicotino​ for reading through this <3

Filippo: (21:34) Thanks for this evening, Eli Filippo: (21:34) I hope you had as much fun as I did

Elia smiled when he saw the messages. He did have fun. A lot. Talking, fooling around, taking, making out, talking, shagging, talking some more… It was nice and he loved that it started to become a regular thing. When he and Filippo first started meeting, he always thought it was a one-time-thing. Even after the third and fourth time, he was fairly sure that Filippo was in it just for the fun. After seeing each other several times a week for two months straight and texting whenever they were not around each other, he was positive they were dating, even though it wasn’t official. Somehow, it didn’t need to be.

Elia: (21:34) I did have fun, yes Elia: (21:35) Thanks right back to you Filippo: (21:35) Especially for the second bj Filippo: (21:35) I give you an A+ for that one Elia: (21:35) Excuse me, all of my bjs are A+ Filippo: (21:35) A++ then Elia: (21:36) Thanks, teacher Filippo: (21:36) That sounds kinky Filippo: (21:36) I like it Elia: (21:36) I bet you do

He was grinning like mad when he unlocked the front door of their house and walked the stairs up to their apartment. It was a small but beautiful apartment, exactly the right size for him, his mum and his two younger sisters. When his mum had left his father a few years ago, she had left the house to him and Elia was glad for it. It was his family home, yes, but he didn’t really associate good memories with it. His father wasn’t the best human out there, he was selfish and short-tempered and kind of a loose cannon, especially with Elia. It has always been like that and Elia didn’t really know why. They’ve never had a good relationship and Elia was very happy whenever he could go a few weeks without seeing him.

When he opened the door to their apartment, he immediately noticed the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. Was his mum really cooking? She hardly ever did because most of the times she was too tired from working as a head secretary of a large company and caring for her three children. Elia and his 15 year-old sister Greta helped her a lot with the household and their little ten year-old sister Alessia - they didn’t really have a choice to be honest other than helping out, but it was okay. Everything was better than living with their father again. As it happened so rarely, it was always a nice surprise when his mum was cooking. Then they would all sit together at their dining table and talk a lot, remaining at the table until their mum sent them all to bed, one by one. These were wonderful evenings, full of laughter and joy and Elia’s heart was filled with warmth at the thought that today was one of these. Until…

— Eli? — Greta rushed out of the kitchen. The expression on her face was torn, as if she couldn’t decide which emotion she was feeling. — Yep, it’s me, sorry for being so late — He pocketed his phone, pushed his shoes from his feet and put them in the corner where all their shoes were piled on top of each other. — Did mamma cook? I’m starving! — Not mamma — Greta said and then, he suddenly understood.

He froze and stared at her. His face was drained of colour in a matter of seconds and his legs felt wobbly. He wasn’t prepared to see his father now. He always needed at least five hugs from his mum and his sisters before he was ready to face him, like hoarding reminders that he was loved, so he could use them as a mental buffer against whatever insult his father threw his way. Today he didn’t have these. And not only that, today he felt weirdly betrayed. He didn’t get any warning beforehand, not even a message either from his mum nor from Greta.

His father appeared in the hall.

— Hello Elia — He said. Unsurprisingly, his voice was just as cold as usual. — Hey papà — He replied and mechanically put his backpack on the floor, not really daring to meet his father’s eyes. — We cooked Coq Au Vin — Greta quickly said — Do you want some? You haven’t eaten yet, have you? — You cooked? — Elia asked, an uncertain smile on his lips. His sister was literally the worst cook in this family. — Nah, papà did the cooking and I did the… cutting vegetables. — That sounds about right. — His voice was still small but he grinned at her for a quick second. — Is Alessia in bed? — Of course she is — His dad replied — Do you know what time it is? It’s past 21:30. Elia just nodded.

Half a minute later, there was a full plate of coq au vin in the microwave and Elia watched it rotating to give his eyes something to focus on. He felt his father’s eyes on him, watching him with piercing eyes that made him all nervous. — Where have you been this long? — He asked. — I, ehm — Elia swallowed, his throat was dry. — I’ve been with friends. We were studying for the exams next week. — Greta said, you’ve been with your Mathematics tutor. Mathematics tutor, nice one, Greta. Elia blinked and swallowed again, thinking about how far off from studying the things were, that he did with Filippo. — Yeah, ehm, one of them tutors me in Maths. — Suddenly, he became all aware of that he was now sitting at the dinner table with his father although less than an hour ago, he had still been kissing Filippo. And before that, they had done way more than just kissing. Suddenly, he felt all dirty. He felt the desperate need for a shower and clean clothes, paranoid that his father would notice something, anything. Because that would end badly. — One of your friends? — His father asked sharply while his panic level rose steadily. — Yes, one of my friends. — Was his hair okay? Wasn’t it all messed up after sex? Did he smell of Filippo? Of another guy’s perfume? Or did he maybe smell extra sweaty? Was his dad sharp enough to notice that? — And your mother trusts you on that? Elia swallows yet again. — Yeah — He then answers — She does. — Until nine o’clock? — He had to work all afternoon. His father nods briefly, his eyebrows raised and Elia wasn’t sure whether he actually believed him or whether he just let this one slide. Greta handed him knife and fork and sat down at the table with them. — Thanks, love — He mumbled and gave her a small smile. The smile, however, was only short-lived. — Do you always make her serve you? — His father asked, his voice unpleasantly ringing in Elia’s ears — Who do you think she is? Your personal maid? Elia froze again. He really couldn’t do anything in his father’s presence without being targeted for the most random thing, when his father decided to harass him. His whole body started shaking and he quickly sat on his hands to at least hide them. — He doesn’t make me serve him! — Greta jumps to his defence. — You stay out of this — Their father snapped at her. — I don’t think she’s my maid — Elia said quickly, trying to keep his voice calm — And I didn’t ask her to give me the cutlery, she just did. — It’s just that I was still standing, so it was kind of natural to hand him knife and fork. We normally split chores — Greta explained, not necessarily intimidated by her father. She probably knew that he would never do anything to her, she just had to be careful so he wouldn’t make him any more angry at Elia. — Eli does all the cooking and I set the table. He does a lot around the flat, papà. The most of all of us. — He does all the cooking? — His father repeated mockingly — Good you’re all still alive then. Elia stared at his feet. This had to be over eventually. — You know, he’s a good cook, papà — Greta said, her voice had a certain edge to it, now . — If he’s such a good cook, how come he doesn’t teach you anything? — Their father continued to rant. He turned to Elia again — Have you actually seen her in the kitchen? She doesn't know shit! Don’t you think it’s your responsibility to help your sisters? — You’re a chef — Elia shouted — Why don’t you teach her? You taught me! — Are you really talking back right now? — His father stood up and leant towards Elia, threateningly. In this moment, the alarm on the microwave went off. Elia looked at it briefly and decided to ignore it, unsure of how his father would react if he left the argument just like that. Of course, this was the wrong thing to do. — What are you waiting for? That someone will go and get it for you? Are you kidding me? Elia’s eyes started to sting when he wordlessly stood up and got his plate out of the microwave. It was really hot to touch but he didn’t care. — May I eat in my room? — He asked quietly, afraid of the answer but he wanted to leave the kitchen so badly that he took the risk. — Does your mother allow you to eat in your room? — His father started once again. Elia just exhaled slowly, tried to blink the tears away and sat back down at the table. — This family is a mess. Does Antonella teach you any manners at all? Or does she just let you do whatever you want to do? You wouldn’t behave this badly if you stayed with me, that’s for sure. Elia just stared at his plate. He wasn’t hungry anymore, not at all.

As soon as Elia stored his plate in the dishwasher, his father let him go. It was late anyway and while his dad sat down in front of the TV, Elia and Greta both went into the bathroom to get ready for the night.

When they were out of their father’s sight, Greta turned to Elia, her bad consciousness written all over her face. — I’m so sorry, Eli — She whispered and touched his arms awkwardly, unsure of whether she was allowed to hug him or not. — A heads-up would have been nice — Elia sighed and pulled her close. She immediately put her arms around his waist. — I’m so sorry — She said again, her voice shaky — I thought you wouldn’t come home tonight anyway, and you shouldn’t know papà was here because then you would have come home for sure. — Of course, Greta — He replied — I would never leave you alone with him. — He’s okay when it’s just us — She assured him. — Really. Elia swallowed. He knew she said it to calm him down, to stop him worrying when his sisters were alone with their father but it still stung. He knew, he was a red rag to his dad but he didn’t know why. Anyway, Elia would never be able to forgive himself for not being there to protect his sisters if his father ever insulted or even hit them.

As soon as he said goodbye to a still totally guilt-ridden Greta, he escaped to his bedroom, closed his door and checked his phone. His mum had tried to call him and left several messages.

Mama: (22:06) Elia, sweetheart, I totally forgot to call you. This day is such a mess, I’m so sorry. I had to go on a two-day business trip with my boss because my colleague fell ill and couldn’t go, so I had to jump in. I tried to get your aunt to watch you for the next two days but she couldn’t, so I had to call your father. If it gets too much between the two of you, you can stay at one of your friend’s if their parents are okay with it. It’s only two days. If you need to talk, call me. I love you, mama

He was only a second away from calling her right on the spot, longing for his mother’s comforting words but then he stopped. She was on a business trip and he was not a little child anymore who needed his mommy. Other than that, he would cry as soon as he heard her voice and she would notice and then she would call his father or tell him after the trip and they would fight and his father would only get angrier at him.

So he took a deep breath and closed his mother’s chat. He went back to the other messages, checking who else texted him. His gaze quickly landed on one name.

Filippo: (21:37) can we meet again tomorrow or do you have other plans? Filippo: (21:39) are you home yet?

Filippo. They have talked about what was going on in Elia’s family before and Filippo had been nothing but understanding. He hasn’t been awkward about it, he hasn’t laughed when Elia’s eyes had been shining with tears when he - very briefly - talked about the relationship with his dad. With Filippo, he could talk about things like that, about things he didn’t really want to talk about with any of his friends. With Filippo, though, it didn’t feel weird. With Filippo it was fine.

Elia quickly listened whether his father was still watching TV and then made a silent wish that the volume of the TV was loud enough so that he wouldn’t hear him talking. He took off his clothes, put on a clean t-shirt and laid down in bed. He dialled Filippo’s number and dragged his duvet over his head to block as much noise as possible. — Hey — Filippo’s voice cheered through the phone. Elia couldn’t breathe. It felt as if all the weight was lifted from his shoulders but someone kicked him in the stomach at the same time. — You can’t get enough of me, can you? — Filippo said contently, a smile evident in his voice. — No, I can’t actually — Elia answered. He aimed for joking but his voice was shaking. Filippo was quiet for a second. — Are you okay? — He asked then, as if he wasn’t sure. — My father is here — Elia just said. Filippo understood. — What? Why? — He asked, alarmed, all traces of delight now gone. — My mum had to go on a business trip at short notice. — Okay… Fuck, Elia! Are you okay? — No, don’t worry, I’m okay… physically — He added for the sake of honesty. —  He just made it clear that he doesn’t like me. But I knew that anyway, so… it’s okay. — Oh babe, I’m so sorry. Do you want me to pick you up? You can stay at mine. — Elia thought about it. He thought about the smell of Filippo’s apartment, the smell of the sheets, that were so familiar by now. He thought about Filippo’s bed, about lying in there, next to this gorgeous young man. He thought about cuddles and soft little kisses and comfort... He exhaled shakingly. — I would love to but I shouldn't sneak out. I don’t know how he’s going to react. — His whole body tightened at the thought of that. — I’m not 18, yet, Fili. Filippo swallowed audibly. — Are you safe in there? Elia stayed silent for a while. He was safe for now, yes and he would have to go to school early the next morning. He would try not to attract his father’s attention when they were in the same room, so he should be fine. His father was so angry tonight because Elia had been home late but that was only because Elia didn’t know. Tomorrow he would be smarter than that. — Yes, Fili, please. Don’t worry — I will be more careful. He added silently. Filippo’s voice got angry. — I swear to God, Elia, if he touches you only once, I’ll call the police. — No, Fili — Elia said, his voice wobbly but determined at the same time — You can’t do that. Best-case scenario would be, they come to check, they don’t believe me and my father gets angrier than he has ever been which, believe me, we don’t want that. And worst-case scenario would be that I couldn’t go back to living with my mum. Trust me, I’ve been thinking about it, a lot. So please, don’t tell anyone. He was full-on crying now and his voice became thinner with every word but Filippo understood anyway. — Okay — He quickly said — I would never do anything if you’re not okay with it, Elia. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make it worse. I’m just worried. Elia let out a sob. — I shouldn’t have told you, I’m sorry. — What? — You’re worrying. I don’t want you to worry. I’m going to hang up now, sorry for... Filippo interrupted him. — Of course I’m worrying, when I know you’re with this asshole of a father! But it’s okay, Eli, it’s not your fault. Oh babe...  — Filippo sounded miserable.  — Is there anything I can do for you? Do you want to talk about it? — About what? — About what happened after you came home? — I don’t know? Do you want to hear it? Filippo did want to hear about it, so Elia told him everything what has happened and how he was feeling about it. It felt strange to talk about it in so much detail and it felt a bit like he was going through it all over again but even though he was still crying, he felt better afterwards. — I love Greta — He added after a short while. His voice was so quiet that Filippo hardly understood him — I love her with all my heart but sometimes she makes me so angry, just because she can do whatever she wants and it’s fine. When I watch her working in the kitchen, I get so aggressive, that I have to leave. If I would hold a knife the same way she does, my father would probably stab me with it. But with her… it’s okay, because it’s Greta. With me, it’s not okay, because it’s Elia. — He wiped the tears off his face with the back of his hand. — I’m so sorry, Eli — Filippo said softly — He’s a bastard and I hope you know that. You don’t deserve to be treated like that, nobody does but you the least of us all. You’re the most kind-hearted person I know. — Don’t say that — Elia said, half smiling, half sobbing. — I’m really not. — Of course you are! — Filippo insisted, his voice firm now — Look at you. I don’t even know how you do it! If I were you, I would be so bitter because you had to go through so much shit, but you’re not bitter at all. You’re so positive and optimistic and open-minded and funny and lovely and just nice. You help your mother so much at home! You take care of your sisters. You are always there for your friends, always supporting them. — I mostly make fun of them. — Elia interjected, a bit overwhelmed by Filippo’s warm words. — We both know this is your way to show a person how much you like them. Elia froze. He hadn’t known Filippo had picked up on that. There was a pause, Filippo considering his next words. — And you are so perceptive. You immediately know when something is wrong. And you care, so much. You ask what’s wrong and you want to make it better because you can’t stand when another person is feeling bad. Elia hid his face in his pillow. — You make me sound like a saint. Filippo laughed. — I wouldn’t go that far but for me, you’re as close to a saint as it gets. You are so giving. Look how sweet you are with me, Elia. I mean, you do give awesome blow jobs and the sex is always so good but there is so much more to it. I don’t know whether you notice but you constantly ask me how I’m feeling, whether I’m comfortable, whether I need anything - even though I’m your first guy. This is normally the other way around. You just care, you know? And since day one you cook for me whenever I say I’m getting hungry, even though we are always at my apartment. — I was afraid of being intruding at first. — Yeah sure, let me tell you, it’s the absolute worst to have a lovely guy cook for you after sex. Filippo chuckled softly and Elia smiled into his pillow. Elia noticed that at some point during Filippo’s little speech, his heart had actually slowed down a bit. His breathing was more even now than it has been since he walked through the front door earlier tonight. They were silent for a while. — There’s so much I like about you — Filippo whispered at some point. Elia whiped the remaining tears off his face. — There’s a lot I like about you, too — He whispered back. — We’re not talking about me tonight. Today, it’s your turn. — I don’t know whether it’s a good idea to meet tomorrow — Elia abruptly changed the subject because suddenly it felt, as if he couldn’t handle all these emotions inside of him. There was so much hurt, there was hate, but there was warmth and gratitude and love as well. — Okay. Then any other time — Filippo said and it sounded as if he wanted to protest but chose not to. — Whatever you are comfortable with. Elia nodded and drew his legs closer to his chest. — Can we text and call tomorrow? It really helped to talk to you. —  He then asked sheepishly. — Of course. I’ll have my phone on me all the time, okay? And we can talk about whatever you want. We can talk about your dad or your sisters or about anything. Or if you just need to be distracted, you tell me, okay? Elia nodded again, even though he knew that Filippo couldn’t see him. Again, there was silence. — Thank you for being here for me, Fili. For talking me down. — Thank you for being in my life, Elia. — Thank you for being in mine. There was a long pause, the weight of these words slowly sinking in. — Can you tell me about your day? — Elia then asked. Filippo promptly started talking. He talked about photoshoots and weird poses and annoying people and after a while, he actually got a laugh out of Elia.

They talked a bit longer and when Elia began to drift off, Filippo continued talking about the most random things he just happened to come up with. He stayed on the line until he was certain, Elia was asleep. Only then he dared to hang up.

Filippo (00:12): thank you for calling me Filippo (00:12): thank you for trusting me with this Filippo (00:12): you’re the strongest person I know Filippo (00:16): and I mean it when I say, I’m glad that you’re a part of my life now

[byebyechloe]

So I’ve been contemplating writing this for awhile...

about.... let’s see, I need to do the math.

we broke up January 15th.

Then we talked until, what would you say? the third Monday of February?

Yes, February 18th. I remember that night well. It shook me to the core, that's when our break up... really began to be our break. up. 

but then let me throw this at you. this low low low LOW number.

18 days. (That’s how many days you had me blocked. I’m assuming... if not less. I accidentally came up on that realization one day. So who knows.)

I took the ballsy choice of adding you back on snap, being subtle. you added me back the same night, and thats when it all began again. 

well... kinda, took us until, when? probably like 2 Fridays later? I slid into your texts to tell you about a artist I liked and thought you’d vibe too. Ironically, you already fucked with him too. 

Then that next weekend I gave you the entire snapchat tour of the 2nd Ben Rector concert we didn't attend together, but this one we had planned too...

and then I think... the next Friday is when I took a huge risk on my mental health and dropped sam off at Julies and off I was! back to the place in the middle of the damn trees, just to spend a night with you again, that I thought would just be a random hook up, and then we’d just let it all go again. but no.

I left that bed with plans to be back the next weekend, and then plans to hangout when you moved home for the “short” time you had planned before “moving away back east”, that ended up being an entire summer, and you ended up being A LOT closer than you planned when you did finally move away again in October. But this moving away didn’t happen of course, until after another big “I'm sick of you!” argument from us both (after an ironically, perfect Saturday with you. I still think about that night. so cute and romantic in the weirdest, not romantic way.) and then we talked on and off for another time. this was a little longer than 18 days, but wasn’t longer than 3 weeks. And you were back around, and I was stronger alone, but so was my strong belief in the damn signs I've been getting the last fucking YEAR of us doing this ~thing~ of ours from the big guy up there (imagine me pointing, yanno me, i’m an awkward bitch who points, bet you can imagine my torn up nails too. you always remind me to stop biting them. thanks for that.)

Oh.. yeah, hey, happy 1 year of crossing paths (again, if you count the years we didn’t really /know/ each other, but were in the same friend circle... somehow. idk.) and taking away my right to say “i’ve never fallen inlove like for real for real!” (my words, not society’s.) 

But yeah, when I sit here and type, I realize I won’t get as much out as I will whenever you give me the chance to say it all out loud (if you could be /so/ kind), but let me get to my favorite part of the last 365 days.

I’ll start with the fact that... that night.... I almost cancelled on you 3 fucking times. This was before I caught on to God’s lessons that he embedded in our encounter and friendship. Now I see this was his small beginning and it was with the fact that we both come from two different lives and backgrounds, that being symbolized by the fact that I usually eat dinner at like... 5 pm. and you are a more 7 pm guy. By 6:30 I was not only hangry, but beginning to let my anxiety and trust issues from my past start to creep in. “He is really gonna pull this? after 3 weeks of us talking? AND its the day before my birthday? how rude.” I thought. I even told my friends twice I wanted to drop the date, and they both said to do what made me happy. But yanno what I did that I never do? especially in that season of life I was in? (this was “fuck guys, none of them deserve me anyway) phase, by the way. I’m still in it, but you’re an exception.)

I just said... “no. I’ll give him 10 more minutes”.... three times. But yanno what?

It was the best decision I ever fucking made in my ENTIRE life. (other than that one time we... yanno... had sex for (my) the first time (ours together). Sorry but I mean you saw this coming right?) 

You kept me talking and laughing from the moment I walked out of my front door that night... all the way until, well, that night we broke up in January. Yet, I think you still made me giggle a few times before we finally hung the 3 hour phone call up. 

OH! Our first date was November 15th, 2018. Crazy... we broke up literally... 2 months after our first date. That’s super weird. This isn’t the first time that dates have aligned like that in my life. It’s whatever, ANYWAY. 

Back to the story! So. Yeah. Best night of my life. seriously. Going out with you that night was the best decision I ever made. It was so fun and sweet and carefree and I was so happy. 

Bro-- you make me /SO/ fucking happy.

 Even after all the shit we’ve gone through, I’d still pick you over any guy on this damn planet, and that says a lot about me considering you’re very deep into your “bachelor szn” of life right now. Which I’m happy af for you for, that is a sick time of life, and you deserve to live it. I just appreciate you keeping me around for the nights you want someone to hold and kiss and watch movies with. (the dinner was an added bonus, and very sexy. so keep it up for me pls. I promise I will reciprocate my thanks.)

But anyway. The 1st date, it was the night I think God sealed the deal of the whole “you’re gonna fall inlove with this guy when y'all kiss” thing. I never really believed in that shit, partly bc I hated hallmark movies and hated the entire feeling of love after what I thought I knew from my last big relationship before you, but I was so wrong.

I still think about our first kiss a lot, and I hate to admit that because I am not that OOZY with love and emotions. But I do. And I never realized that was the night I fell in love with you, I realized that the last night you and I stayed at Julie and Camden’s... yanno before you met some new girl and started seeing her like 3-4 nights a week? yeah same. I wasn’t a complete mess though, I worked on school and fell in love with the art of teaching, so that was cool. But yeah. That night. You and I literally had so many nights like it this summer, but, yet, THAT night is when I was trying to fall asleep and the memory of our first date was like “yo what up bitch time to relive this day again.”

and I did. and it was amazing. and then when it got to that kissing part (Sam was so annoyed by us, I think. I don’t really remember. it was THAT good of a kiss my dude.) I really realized that is when I began to believe in the fact that a man could possibly love me, or care for me, or just like me again. I was so happy. 

I have learned so many lessons from this whole 365 days (and counting) experience. Let me explain.

- be patient. (THIS was the biggest and hardest one, and its ongoing. I want to say I’m doing better.) I've had to really stop myself from getting upset and remind myself, “God wouldn’t keep him around in my life like this if he didn’t have a reason too.” He’d give me all the signs to leave. I’m not too blind to look at both sides, I just see more promise in the good side than to be dramatic and listen to the bad side. I see dedication and hard work on the good side. 

- be trusting. (Now I know you get me when I say, trust issues take up your whole damn life. Maybe not as much anymore because we both are/have gone through the stage of life where you learn “people only take as much as you give. So give a little at a time.” which is what your doing now, and is what I learned to start doing... then I met you and ended up dumping all my trust into you. but not in the way you may think, it has taken this entire year for me too. so you’re welcome). I have really started seeing how much I trust you, and how much you deserve it. But I won’t lie and say there aren’t times you don’t deserve me, and I KNOW that. But I refrain from screaming it at you, because.... what is that going to help at this point? The time isn’t here yet, if it ever comes, but if it does, you’ll know I’ve waited to say it, followed up with the whole hearted reason I never let it be why I gave up, because I never will give up on you.*

* When you and I started dating (11...24...18.... yeah. you get why I put it in numbers, right?) You told me in text that night to not give up on you, because you’re still young and still learning. I said I understood and wouldn’t, because you made me (and still do) the happiest girl on this earth. no cap, boo. You also said it and say it almost every time you are drunk and next to me in bed. “Don’t give up on me baby. please.” and my most favorite time, which was Christmas, “Don’t give up on me baby and I swear, I’m going to make our life together so damn great.” and yanno? I still believe it. and Always will. (scouts honor, boo.)

- Be understanding. (This one is gonna get deep.) So, I know, most movies will show you a girl who is a friend of the girl in love, or the guy who is the best best friend of the guy who is also in love tell one of the two that they need to just man up and say how they feel to the other one, even if that other one doesn’t want to believe it. Or better yet, tell the person THEY don't see how inlove they are with a person. Now I won’t sit here and act like I haven’t wished I could come across you with the desire in my heart to just tell you “don’t you see how fucking perfect we are for eachother?” because thats not realistic. That would of pushed me away from any man (and actually has before) who said it to me. SO WHY would I ever try to make someone push you to believe it? Let alone myself? You will realize it yourself someday, or maybe a friend will notice it and mention it to you, but I won’t ever be the one to tell you I think you are dumb for not seeing our potential. I’m fine with waiting until you figure it out. As far behind as you are in the feelings and independence stage in life... emotionally... I am in the independence and living stage... physically. We just did things backwards. 

This is getting long (if it wasn’t a surprise) but...

I love you, boo. I always will, and apparently have since the first night you took me to chilis. So let’s just say this has been a wild year, but I can’t wait for the rest of the others. 

Have fun with whatever/whoever you’re doing, Hope to see ya soon and get my face wash back that I “forgot” two weeks ago.

love, 

your future wifey, hehe. ;)

jk.

love always, Chloe. (or when you like to make me mad, Coco.)

[thicctransboi]

Newspaper Interviews Part 6 (Sam + Grizz)

Chapter Six in my AU Series of Sam and Grizz, Newspaper interviews 

It was New Years Eve, and Sam was as happy as he could ever remember. Ever since Christmas he hadn't been able to get rid of the smile from his face. Grizz was planning for them to go to Wright's Tower to see the firework display for The New Years Celebration. The two had become inseparable, texting non-stop, and seeing each other ever opportunity they got.

The pair sat in Sam's living room, just talking on the sofa. Well, signing.

"Meningitis? Wow. Do you remember.. Do you remember hearing at all?" Grizz asked, signing along with his words.

They had been getting to know each other so much in a matter of two weeks, trying to make up for lost time.

"I remember my mother's voice. The way she used to sing to me and Campbell. My dads laugh." He smiled to himself for a moment. "When I dream I still dream with sound. But not new sounds."

Grizz smiles sadly at the idea. "What would be a new sound."

Sam didn't hesitate. "My voice. I remember what I sounded like when I was younger. But Im guessing it's a little deeper now." Grizz chuckled at Sam's words. "I wish I could hear yours."

Grizz smiler, tears sprung to his eyes. Sam had always been proud of who he was, never insecure about his inability to hear. But to have made an impact on him enough that he wished he could hear his voice, it made Grizz emotional. In a good way. Sam brought out this side of him, the soft sensitive side that he had hid for years in school. So he signed: "Kiss me."

Sam leaned in, cupping Grizz's cheeks in his hands and pressed his lips against Grizz's. That new, yet familiar spark went off between the couple. Sam's lips were soft, and he tasted of strawberries. He was addicting. They had been alone in the house all day, Sam's parents out for the holiday. Grizz felt Sam's tongue glide over his bottom lip, making shiver's go down his spine. And of course, they were interrupted. Grizz pulled away when he heard footsteps approaching.

I'm walked Campbell, Sam's older brother. He was half dressed, in only a pair of torn ill fitted jeans. Campbell two years older than Sam, and they were complete polar opposites. Sam was kind and gentle, he put everyone's needs before his own. He wore his emotions on his sleeve, and was never afraid of what people might think in him doing so. Whereas Campbell, was a psychopath. Quite literally, actually. He was diagnosed. He was narcissistic, loved seeing people in pain for his own pleasure, and above all; he was cruel as can be. Especially to Sam. Grizz could remember Sam showing up to school with bruises, he could remember seeing Campbell yell at Sam and call him names, Sam always standing his ground, but even Grizz could see the fear in his eyes.

"Well isn't this precious? It's a literal fag fest in the middle of my living room. Just what I wanted to wake up to." Campbell announced, only bothering to sign the offensive words. Sam didn't need him to sign though, years of his brothers torment had made him learn to read his lips well, even when he was tired and several feet away.

"Nice to see you too, Campbell. Still living at home I see?" Grizz countered, not enjoying Sam's brothers presence.

In truth , Grizz had always hated Campbell. He hated his vibe, his essence, and the way he'd always leave Sam covered in bruises and looking horrified in school. Campbell had been held back a year, he could mimic emotions. Not intelligence. The kid was fucking creepy, and not to mention, a literal psychopath. Everyone knew it, he was bad news. And Grizz felt he needed to protect Sam from him, makeup for the years of silently watching and letting it happen.

"Grizz! I see college life has treated you well, finally experimenting with the rest of them. Pleasure to see you tongue fucking my brother in my own home, truly."

"Stop it, Campbell." Sam said sternly.

Grizz had never heard Sam speak up in such a way, let alone to Campbell of all people. He always appeared to take the beatings silently.

"Morning, Fag." Campbell greeted his brother, stalking over to the kitchen just a few feet away and pouring himself a bowl of chips.

"It's four in the afternoon." Sam commented dryly.

But Campbell didn't seem to be listening, chomping away obnoxiously at his chips. Grizz didn't like this. He didn't like seeing the way Campbell was in his own territory, nor the way he spoke to Sam. It made his skin crawl and his blood boil.

Campbell reemerged into the living room, towering over Sam and Grizz from his standing position, "Get a room, both of you. That includes you, fucking fruit. Now move, that's my spot." He pointed to where they were seated on the sectional.

"Why should we? You don't own the couch. For a 20 year old you sure act like a teenager still, not that I'm surprised. Grow up. " Grizz's voice was low, anger bleeding through his words.

Campbell simply laughed, tossing a chip in Grizz's face. "Move or I'll make you. Simple as that."

Grizz had had enough, rising to his feet. He was easily twice Campbell's size by the looks of him, both in height and strength. But Sam knew his brother all too well. He knew how fucked up he was. He was dangerous.

"Go ahead. Make me." Grizz said, his face inches away from Campbell's.

Campbell took a step closer to him, still obnoxiously chewing on his breakfast. "Do something then, fucking barbarian. That's all you jocks are, isn't it? Fucking cave men-"

Grizz knocked the bowl out of his hands, sending chips flying through the air. "Enough!" He shouted, his voice dangerously low. Not that Sam could hear it, but he could see the anger written across his face. "Go eat your 'breakfast' somewhere else. And I suggest you fucking change your attitude while you're at it or I swear I'll-"

Grizz heard a 'click' sound and glanced down, Campbell had his switch blade out, pointed at his abdomen. "You'll do what? Huh? Punch me? Fucking jocks, that's all you're good at, using your fists. Never using your brain. Out of all of them, I would have expected you to be smart enough to come prepared when picking a fight."

Grizz was seeing red now, Campbell was smiling. Which pissed Grizz off even more. He went to shove Campbell, but Campbell shoved back, nearly stabbing him in the process. Grizz dodged him easily, shoving him back again, his knuckles clipping the smaller boy's jaw.

"You'll fucking pay for that!" Campbell hissed, blood visible in his mouth. Grizz watched as he spit, a chunk of his tooth coming out with the blood and saliva.

He lunged at Grizz, knife aimed, yet completely calm. But,  Sam had seen enough, jumping up from the couch and pushing Campbell back, feeling a sharp sting in his upper arm but he couldn't seem to care. He stood in front of Grizz, His protective instinct taking over. He wasn't going to watch Grizz get hurt, not by Campbell.

"Stop it! Both of you! Leave him the fuck alone Campbell" Sam screamed.

People always say that a deaf person screaming is a terrifying sound. They'd be correct. Campbell even flinched back. He let out a laugh, shoving his knife back into his pocket.

"Ease up, retard. You'll make the rest of us go deaf. I'm going out, I'm taking the keys. Don't wait up." And with that, he was gone.

Sam let out a sigh, his adrenaline still pumping through his veins from the altercation. He couldn't say he was surprised, Campbell was like a horse loose in a hospital, you never knew when he'd snap and go rapid through the operating room. He turned around to face Grizz, and Grizz's eyes went wide. Sam had a gash in his upper arm, just next to his armpit; blood seeping through his grey sweater and spreading.

"Fucking Christ, he got you! Sam, you're bleeding!" Grizz yelled, running to Sam before stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of blood being so close. Sam's blood. "We need to get you to the hospital."

But it was too late, Sam couldn't read his lips, his head was spinning and his vision was blurred. He saw black just as Grizz caught him in his arms.

***

Three hours. 30 minutes of traffic, 30 minutes to get Sam stable, 30 minutes to stich him up, and now he was resting. And all Grizz could do was sit there and wait. He had tried to get ahold of Sam's parents, but they weren't answering their phones. Grizz sat there, at the foot of Sam's hospital bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest as he slept. His skin was ashen, and he appeared almost lifeless. The doctors said they had got there just In time, he had lost a lot of blood on the drive to the hospital, Campbell had hit an artery. He had spoken to the police, but Sam was 18, so he didn't have to have parental consent to be treated, and they weren't required to be called, so Grizz stayed when they didn't answer. But he would have stayed anyway. He felt like he couldn't move.

'I could have lost him.' he thought to himself over and over. He partially blamed himself for getting Campbell riled up enough to pull out a fucking knife, then Sam wouldn't have jumped in and accidentally got hurt. Guilt flooded his veins and he felt sick, but he didn't dare move. He wanted to be the first thing Sam saw when he woke up.

Grizz watched as Sam's eyes slowly drifted open sleepily. His large blue eyes found Grizz's teary brown ones. Grizz felt his heart skip a beat as he rose from his sitting position.

He sat besides Sam. "How are you feeling?" He signed, running his hand gently over Sam's good arm.

Sam sighed, "I'm alright, hurting a bit. Are you okay?"

"I almost lost you, and it would have been my fault."

Sam wiped a tear from Grizz's cheek, "It wasn't your fault," he signed, "It was Campbells. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, if it meant protecting you from him."

Grizz smiled, tears streaming down his face. "Be with me," Grizz signed, "Be my boyfriend? I waisted so much time, and I almost lost you. I can't do it again. Be with me."

Sam smiled wearily, "You have to ask?"