#i love green-winged teals so much!!

[aloekat]

keep forgetting i have a tumblr because DA has been super explosive in terms of like. interaction lol BUT ANYWAYS!!! here's a custom i made for someone on Instagram, i friggin LOVE the colors and general vibes! like a tropical beach day :D!!

[soaricarus]

i love the iterators sm they were so fun to scug. i love scugging the iterator. design notes below cut

moon: accidentally gave her a raptor pose oops. anyway. jade-y blue, colorshifted from a more neutral blue - pinkish red markings, colorshifted from a more red. arrows and circles for markings and big ears. deep orange an red poncho with a yellow end, tassels and round brooch and a small extra on her tail because she's a senior and also very cool :]

suns: meant to look sorta like a wise mentor, i'd like to think he's a senior too, which is also why his poncho has tassels. his colors are meant to look sort of like fire with an exception of the deep magenta that was added for contrast and because it looked nice. dark magenta-purple poncho with medium pinks and yellows for accents and a sun brooch matching his head pattern.

pebbles: reddish-pink with a sandy accent color and yellow patterns that are dots + rounded arrows to match moon's because theyr'e siblings. same goes for this poncho with an exception of having no red and lighter oranges + yellows. he has tassels on his to match moon aswell. also angst is hidden below his poncho :] i made it fit neatly under there without editing the lineart

sigs: i love contrasting colors so much oh my god literally THE green/purple combo character. blue-green with yellow as accent and teal-green for patterns. poncho + scarf are more blue-purple than just purple to not contrast too much while the patterns on them are a jade color. the brooch is diamond shaped to match their head pattern.

wind: soft, toned down muted blue-gray colors with an accenting muted pastel orange. streamers on their chin and tail because i didn't get to put wings on them. decently fluffy. no reason. orange poncho with a cloud shaped brooch.

innocence: oops i sparklecatted again. not sure if i like the pose or anatomy for UI it looks a bit too cat-like, the pose made it hard to put the poncho on them. dark, muted blue-purple to a lighter pink-red because we. really don't know alot about them other than (supposedly) their overseer being purple. feather tipped tail and four wings, short feather mane and two feather 'antenna' of sorts. sunset colored poncho and star shaped brooch + star shaped patterns. also the only design i didn't colorshift (other than patterns)

[dreamerwitches]

I saw someone ranking Madoka plushies so I thought I'd rank Charlotte/Bebe ones for funsies! I'm not including pouches, bags or head plushes here

First up is the Charlotte transforming plush. Cute and pretty accurate. Also has the bonus of having a use and featuring both Charlottes. Her hair looks too light in the promotional pic but it's better irl from what I've seen. Sadly has the early Charlotte mistake of missing the dark right side of her jacket top. Sadly seems very rare and expensive nowadays. 4.5/5

The Wormlotte Ichiban Kuji prize plush. Wins points for looking dumb but in a cute, scrungly way. Works best from the front, it's a little bit of a shame she's so flat from the side so looks a bit odd. 3/5

Ichiban Kuji plush from the same set as Wormlotte. This one has already felt a little not great to me. The hair is too bright and you can see it goes under her chin which clearly isn't right. Her trousers are too red as well and she's missing the lining of her cloak. Makes sense she's less detailed because she's a prize plush but you could at least get the colours right. Also loses points cause I always see this one going for so much online and... she's not that great AND she's tiny... 2/5

The SCARF! She's great, so silly and such a good idea. Hair is too light and eyes are too teal but otherwise she's great and scrungly. 4/5

Another Banpresto prize plush. The colours are slightly better than the previous, especially the hair. 3/5

The HUUUGEE wormlotte. Who wouldn't love her?! She's amazing but very expensive, originally at around £150 and I'm sure she'd be lots more now. 4.5/5

Another Banpresto prize and another that's barely changed. It kinda feels like a step back... Green eyes??!! 2/5

The first Bebe plush, another Banpresto gig. She's very cute and silly but her hair looks wonky?? And it doesn't just seem to be the prototype. She's never shown with wonky hair so it just feels like they misunderstood the art... Her cape is missing the black inside too... Otherwise she's decent. 3/5

Banpresto prize but smaller. It has the same issues as before... 3/5

Same as the last but the unique pose and expression is very cute. You get bonus points. 4/5

An Ichiban Kuji Premium plush so she's a bit better looking now. Fixed the symmetry but I don't think she has the cape lining (it's hard to see in pictures). I like the velvet look but I know some people don't like that texture. Her fringe looks too triangular honestly, moreso than the last few. 3.5/5

WHY IS HER HAIR STILL WONKY?? Her hair ISNT wonky in official/concept art her head is just tilted, how are the designers so stupid??

See how it's tilted on the right BECAUSE her head is tilted but from her back view her hair is completely straight. Sigh. It's similar to the first few Bebe plushes. 3/5

Another Banpresto prize plush. Hair is back to being fixed, thank fuck. I really like how the lace around her collar looks like actual lace. Makes me notice the last few are mostly missing the lace... hmm... I don't like the way the fabric is cut off around the black bits of her sleeves. Makes it look bad. Also I think with the button eyes you're either gonna really like it or really not. I was scarred by Coraline when I was younger so it irks me, I wouldn't get her myself. Improved some bits but fell on others so the score hasn't improved... 3/5

Wormlotte's button version. Bonus points for making a plush of Bebe-Wormlotte cause I kinda love how unique she is. But.... this one's a bit shit... it has such a handmade quality and not in a good way. I don't get why the spots look like they're badly painted on. It's too flat as well and the circular shapes of the body are so badly defined. I like the face details but that's it. Perhaps shouldn't have relied so hard on the artwork. 1/5

Mochi Kororin Wormlotte. This is the kind of plush that I just feel I've seen far too much of... I'm so bored of it. But... she does look silly and I kinda like that. The blue wing is too teal (though it seems it took more from the art than the anime) and her left eye is red instead of pink (which is another art mistake) so it kinda throws off the colours when there's too much red in her face. 3/5

A Movic plush, this certainly feels more obscure. I love her stupid face and the unique pose. The eyes are the wrong colours in numerous places which is a shame but I'm glad the nose is 3D. (actually looking at a non-sample photo they got the eyes right! Must've just been the prototype) I like how the wings are drooped like she's bashful, it's very cute. No complaints! 5/5

I'm so surprised to see this one on My Figure Collection because she looks SO bootleg and this is what the popular bootlegs are based on. The fact they misspelled height really doesn't make me trust it. But at least I can shit on it! Eyes and cheeks are wrong (taking from the incorrect first anime screening), black hood is a weird flower shape, spots are too small, top is too light yellow, buttons are far too far across and cape goes around the front. If I could get her for like, less than £5 I would but otherwise I wouldn't bother. 1/5

How come the first Charlotte was the best and the rest were just kinda downhill? It seems like Wormlotte is harder to screw up. At least they're both pretty simple so you can always make her yourself. I was surprised my top pick was a Wormlotte since I overall just prefer Charlotte but like I said, she wasn't doing too well, even with the Bebes... a shame... let's hope they release better plushies in the future.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Mini Costume Meta

Poker game Eddie!!

I did bucks outfit yesterday and today its the turn of Eddie!!

Again I apologise for the rubbish screenshots, I'll have better ones in my actual costume meta after the episode has aired!!

It's really hard to tell in these screenshots, but Eddie is dressed in a blue tartan suit. When the still dropped and we all went into meltdown, I thought the jacket was blue and a dark green teal, now I've seen it a bit better, I'm pretty sure its actually royal and navy blue - a navy that is almost black!

Ok firstly we have the check theme to contend with and the fact that in 911 verse, check means potential danger and change and that rings true here, I just don't think the check is for physical danger.

We need to look at all the times Eddie has worn a suit to fully appreciate what is going on with the check, so bear with me!

This new suit is the 4th one we've seen Eddie wear. First up is the navy suit (and grey marl tie) we see him wear to his interview and look around Durrand School.

Then we have the black on black suit we see him in when he's suit shopping for Christopher with Ana.

Followed by the blue check suit with black spotty shirt we see him in at Hen and Karens vow renewal.

I hope you can all start to see what is going on here - each suit is connected not only to where Eddie is at mentally, but it is also connected to a person (Shannon, Ana, Eddie himself and then this new one Buck) and a key moment in Eddies story.

I'm not going to really really drill down into all the suits because I don't have the time, but that first navy suit with its white shirt and mismatched tie is very much conveying an Eddie who is both uncomfortable and unsure of who he is - the mismatched nature of the overall outfit is meant to look a bitt off and jarring. The navy of the suit itself is about trust, loyalty and stability - all things very relevant to Eddie in that moment - he is trusting Carla (and by extension Buck), he is trying to provide stability for Chris, and he is still loyal to Shannon.

Its very telling that the only truly odd one out is the black suit - the one connected to Ana! Its also the only suit we know for definite that Eddie didn't pick for himself. The black suit is meant to indicate the concept of the black dog of depression - a black cloud hanging over both Eddie and the relationship with Ana.

The suit Eddie wears to the HenRen vow renewal with its small check pattern and the black shirt with the blue dots is showing us Eddies progress - he's still going through it, the check tells us that - but the fact that we've gone from Eddie having panic attacks in a black suit and we've now got an Eddie in a much brighter blue (still with some black in the shirt as a nod to the previous suit - think of it like the blue overtaking and erasing the black) indicating that he is much calmer and at peace with himself. If you want to read more about this suit, then head over to my pinned post and read the costume meta for 5x18!

Back to the check theme and the new suit jacket - yes this is a darker suit than the previous one, but its still two shades of blue - a combination of the navy of the first suit and a brighter blue which connects to the vow renewal suit. connecting the two suits to this suit is important from a narrative perspective,

for me the use of this tartan check is just the next stage of the very tiny check - its not going to be all smooth sailing for Eddie yet and I think the Pepa meddling is the thing that the check is foreshadowing

White pocket squares - nobility and wealth as well as love and luck - much of these meanings stem from the age of chivalry - ladies pocket squares being given to knights of the joust as a token of luck etc

In modern US parlance, pocket squares are a symbol of anti traditionalist values - by this I mean, you won't find those of a right wing persuasion (Donal Trump and his lot) wearing a pocket square. Pocket squares are and were considered a symbol of sophistication - especially in golden age Hollywood - Cary Grant, Fred Astaire, Clark Gable etc all wore pocket squares in various ways.

The reason I'm giving you all this information is to point out that the fact we have Eddie wearing one here is both interesting and telling. As far as I'm aware this is the first time we've seen one worn on 911 (I don't have any notes of any of the mains wearing one in my costume plots!) so this is tapping into all of the meanings above, Eddie is wearing it as a symbol of wealth (appropriate for a poker game!) but mostly as a nod to old school Hollywood.

The costume department are trying to evoke that era through Eddies costume, the set is also evoking that era and so the two things are working in tandem (Bucks red velvet suit jacket also does the same thing - it mimics a smoking jacket which was a common thing for men to have in their wardrobe and wear to play poker or pool). They're essentially trying to make Eddie look like those leading men because in their films they always got the girl (in Eddies case its indicating he's gonna get the boy!).

Onto the Black turtleneck! Black turtlenecks have such an interesting history, they have very strong links with antiestablishment and activism - often worn as a statement or a symbol of protest. The turtleneck is meant to be non-conformist and set the wearer apart from societal norms. The black panthers wore them as part of their 'protest uniform' in the 50's and 60's making them part of the activist style and cementing them as a garment of protest and dissent.

Steve Jobs very deliberately chose the black turtle neck as part of his uniform - to appear down to earth and casual, but also to set him apart from the shirt and tie wearing Bill Gates - it made Apple seem not only aspirational, but also more user friendly to the everyman over the nerdy suits of the establishment!

We've seen it used for the same purpose in film - think Cary Grant in to catch a thief - wearing both a navy and white striped turtleneck as well as a black one when he's being 'the cat'

Or even Audrey Hepburn in Funny Face - when she's in the jazz club dancing - a scene supposed to show her as different from the traditional models found gracing the pages of 'Quality' the fictional magazine Fred Astaire's Character photographs for.

In the 1920's and 30's, Noel Coward made them popular and as a result they became a symbol of queerness - this is also the origin of the black turtleneck as a piece of clothing representing something non-conformist that all the other iterations stem from.

So Eddie wearing a black turtleneck at this moment in time is such a choice. It is meant to show us an Eddie who is comfortable in his own skin and that that Eddie is non-conformist. This works on a couple of fronts - it is a nod to the fact he has defied his families expectations and choices for him - that he has decided to be better for himself, that he's going to therapy and working on himself. But its also a nod to an Eddie now comfortable enough to break from heteronormativity and embrace his queerness - something which is still considered to be non-conforming!

I've already screamed about Eddies watch (you can see a decent glimpse of it in the still above), so I won't go into it too much here, but I will mention again how important I think it is that this is (likely, as we've not yet seen the episode) the first time we're seeing this new watch. I mentioned previously that the first time we saw the blue faced leather strapped watch was at his coffee date with Ana - a watch very much connected with Christopher and of course that relationship was very much about Eddie following Christophers heart not his own (even though we know Christophers heart will probably be happier with Buck than it ever was with Ana!!!). So this new watch is very much now connected to Buck (and the fact that Buck appears to also be wearing a new and metal watch has me all kinds of feral because if he is it is telling us that Buck and Eddie are both on the same page and that their timing is now in sync - so Buddie cannon here we come!!

[adobe-outdesign]

Neopet review: the Zafara! Last in the alphabet of neopets, but certainly not last on how cool they are!

I always enjoy a good abstract creature that's still a believable animal, so unsurprisingly, I like Zafaras a lot. They've got a really unique body shape amongst Neopets that's vaguely like a kangaroo, but that's where the similarities stop. I really like the feathery structure to their tails, their long ears, and that random set of spines they have along their back.

Visually, my only nitpick is that I'm not a big fan of the base color's palettes—most PB colors fix this, but the base colors have a weird mix of beige, pink, blue and black going on with their accents and none of it goes together. I feel like the back spines should've been black along with the nose, or the spots should've been beige instead or black, etc etc.

I'd argue Zafaras mostly benefited from customization as their old art was getting very dated by the time the conversion happened, and they likely would've received a redraw even if customization didn't become a thing. Plus a lot of the updates look really good, such as the tail tip shape being improved, fluff being added to the chest so they don't have a weird shape jutting out there, the feet being lengthened, etc. The only downgrade are the fists, and that's just a standard thing for customization.

My only other minor nitpick is that old Zafara eyes were almost pitch black and it gave them what I can best describe as a sopping wet meow meow vibe that gets lost nowadays. Even when they had color in their eyes, it was more of a crescent shape and overall cuter. Granted, though, the new eyes are more in line with other Neopets, so I get the change.

Favorite Colours:

Christmas: While most Christmas pets are just the standard reds and greens, the Christmas Zafara goes in a completely different direction by being an angel with a very pretty white and yellow color palette and a nice get of wings. It's super simple but very pretty. I also like how they fixed the color balancing that I mentioned above by changing the ear spots to yellow and making the tail tip match. (I do kind of wish the nose were black or something, but that's an extreme nitpick.)

Maraquan: I am 100% cheating by including this one because I usually try to stick to only pet colors you can obtain in the present day, but with UC styles becoming a thing I'm hopeful we'll be getting the old design back one day.

Because yeah, I absolutely love the pre-customization design; making it a sort of sea horse/leafy seadragon cross works perfectly with the Zafara's body shape, the pose is lively, and I love the bright pink fin accents to contrast with the teal body striping.

(The converted is... okay, but the concept was completely lost by changing the pose, the striping was reduced too much, and the body has this bizzaro lumpy shape instead of being a smooth curve like it should be.)

Water: Technically speaking this isn't too fancy, but I just think they did such a nice job with this one. There's so much gorgeous detail in the shading along the head and tail splashes, and the artist really did a good job at capturing that watery look. The choice to make the head tuft and tail splashes in the first place was a great choice, and I especially love how the ear spots are water bubbles. Super pretty all around.

BONUS: I really like burlap pets and think it's an underrated color, so I figured I should give the burlap Zafara a shoutout for being one of the best burlaps out there. The colors are kept muted, the uncanny valley vibe is present, the way they handled the fur tufts looks great, and I like the various slate blue patches on the body, which match with the back spines, spots, and eyes.

[emi-writings]

Hi! I'd love to know how you envision cwilbur, I might want to take inspiration from it for my own headcanon

Okay, so I am really not an artist in any way, shape, or form, so words and some occasional reference images are all I got for anyone interested in this potential design idea.

Also, I have seen some people discuss maybe changing up C!Wilbur's name, and I am intrigued with the idea, though I haven't really done to much thinking about it, so I am curious a little bit on the community's thoughts about it.

Physical Interpretations

So, first of all, Wilbur’s eyes – the Minecraft skin has no indication of eye color, so that is completely free and up to interpretation. After some discussions, I think that heterochromia would be an interesting and unique addition to his design. So, I think Wilbur would have his right eye be a teal green, and his left eye would be blue, similar to his father’s eyes.

Then there is height. All Minecraft skins are the same height, and very few characters have stated their canonical heights. I think making Wilbur 6’ tall would be interesting. I could ramble on about how I think this could result in fun symbolism and all that, but that’s not why you’re here.

The hair is a little bit harder to mess around with… or it would be, if not for the hood attached to his jacket. I am choosing to interpret Wilbur’s hair as long, and just constantly tucked into his head. He probably keeps it in a ponytail or something. As for length, maybe something like this?

As for other physical details, I think that his face would probably have some freckles, he’s spent a lot of time in the sunlight in the early DSMP days as well as his later few DSMP days. Some additional scars would also make a lot of sense, given all the violence and explosions he’s been subjected to.

But I also think Wilbur might have some tattoos. What type of tattoos, I think witchy/magical tattoos similar vibes tattoos like this, this, this and this, would work very well given that potions in Minecraft are considered magic, and Wilbur is pretty associated heavily with potions.

Outfit Interpretations

Now, the outfit is much, much harder to interpret as drastically different, but there are some thoughts that I have on it.

First of all, the yellow shirt – there isn’t anything that indicates that what Wilbur is wearing under the jacket is a sweater or shirt. And I am choosing to interpret it as a yellow, low-crop top. Not enough of a crop top to be always showing off his stomach. But when he stretches, he would be showing off some tummy. Just because I want to add some more gender to the design. Personally, I do think the idea of him with a dark blue shirt instead would work better with him as a character but working we’re with what’s given.

The gloves are things I am debating on keeping, mostly because I don’t know if I want to give Wilbur gloves like this, or if I want to give him some magical bracelets, like this lapis lazuli bracelet, though not necessarily lapis lazuli is the gemstone being used. Maybe both could work, but I’m not sure if it would clutter the design as I can’t actually draw them out myself to test that. But talking about accessories, I think he’d wear the friendship emerald Phil gave him as a necklace like this, but with an emerald.

Species Headcanons

I like to headcanon Wilbur as a mockingbird hybrid, specifically a northern mockingbird. So, he’d have mockingbird wings! But that's very much a headcanon and is something that wouldn't be able to be argued as being there with the current canon design.

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Farewell to an Old Cedar–and Hello to a New One

Originally posted to my blog at https://rebeccalexa.com/farewell-to-an-old-cedar-and-hello-to-a-new-one/

Last Wednesday I had the opportunity to do some volunteering with Willapa National Wildlife Refuge. As the weather has finally turned better, with some warm, sunny days mixed in with the rain, it’s made conditions more favorable to getting outside. So when I got the email asking if I wanted to help plant some cedar trees, I jumped at the chance.

Western red cedar (Thuja plicata) is my very favorite tree. It’s not a true cedar, instead being a member of the cypress family Cupressaceae. But there’s something about the red-tinted bark powdered with Cladonia lichens, and the flat, scaly green needles that appeals to me. Maybe it’s because it’s some of the best of the coloration of Pacific Northwest forests all wrapped in one tree. Or perhaps it’s because I loved eastern red cedar (Juniperus virginiana) so much as a child, and I’ve just developed a fondness for cedars that aren’t actually cedars.

We have only a few tiny patches of old-growth forest here in the extreme southwest corner of Washington, mostly populated with ancient cedars and a few very old Sitka spruce (Picea sitchensis). My first real look at old-growth forest here was Teal Slough, a section of Willapa NWR that protects 140 acres. These ancient trees very nearly ended up logged a few decades ago, but for the heroic efforts of historian Rex Ziak. In the pre-internet times he spent months tracking down the then-corporate owners of this tract of land, and managed to convince them to cease logging with a letter, a photograph, and a rope loop the same circumference as one of these massive old cedars. (It’s a pretty incredible story that I got to hear him tell in person at Wings Over Willapa a few years ago.)

It really was at the eleventh hour, though. One of the first things an astute naturalist will notice when arriving at Teal Slough is that almost all of the trees are either very old–or very young. That’s because the undergrowth had been bulldozed in preparation for chopping down the couple dozen big trees left. It’s rebounded in recent years, but there are tons of scrawny young western hemlock trees (Tsuga heterophylla) along with a scattering of young cedars.

Adding more cedars was our original goal for that morning, which was cool but sunny. We brought ten young trees with us, but stopped at the old Refuge headquarters just down the road from Teal Slough. It turned out that the place we were originally going to plant them was where the old logging road cut through, and the heavy gravel made digging by hand impossible. So we planted eight to create a windbreak at the old HQ, which is itself going through a slow metamorphosis, and tucked the other two back into the truck.

And then it was time to head to Teal Slough itself. While we couldn’t plant trees, we could still pick up debris from the storms that came through. The bigger branches and fallen saplings made good material for outlining the trails, making them more visible to visitors. While the old logging road is pretty obvious, some of the footpaths that diverge off the main trail to showcase big trees further back in the woods were getting tougher to discern. So we spent some time lining them with some of the windfallen materials.

But I also want to touch on the original reason we were slated to go out there that day. See, those young cedars were originally going to be used to help start to close off the last hundred feet or so of the trail. This last bit leads down to one of the biggest of the cedars at Teal Slough, and–to be quite honest–my favorite.

As it turns out, she’s not doing so well. She’s been rotted out inside for some time; this is normal, of course; in many cases an old tree can survive its heartwood rotting away completely, since that wood is dead. But this old cedar has been beginning to lean noticeably toward the northwest in recent months. There’s no disruption at ground level yet, no cracks in the earth or roots bursting forth to the surface. A Refuge employee was on the trail a few months ago during one of the vicious windstorms we’ve had over the winter, and he noticed this tree swaying more than usual.

We don’t know when she’ll fall. It might be later this year; it might not be for another century. But it was decided that the trail to her should be closed off just in case she came down when there were people around. A massive tree of this size would be quite a danger indeed; the day after our volunteering a logger was killed in the Willapa Hills after being hit by a much smaller tree. Even a section of this tree coming down at the wrong time could be disastrous. And beyond a certain size there’s really no way to buttress such an enormous thing, especially when it’s located on a slope of super-saturated soil.

We walked down the trail to where she still stood with her much younger hemlock “buddy tree” growing out of her side; many of the old cedars have similar hemlock companions. It was apparent she was listing more than I had seen her in the past, and there seemed to be a little more space between her and her hemlock. We all spoke of how magnificent she was, and how sad that it seemed she was nearing her end.

I lingered behind for a moment while everyone else moved the “End of Trail” sign back up to where the path would be cut off. It was my last moment to be up close and personal to this beautiful old cedar. While technically, yes, I could still steal up the path before it was completely planted or fenced or however the Refuge will eventually close it, I respect their decision and decided this would be my farewell. I told the tree how much I had enjoyed visiting her, and thanked her young hemlock as well. I touched the lichens that adorned her furrowed bark, and looked up at the broken crown of branches at her top.

Then I turned, with many glances backwards at a Eurydice I would never be able to bring home. I dragged with me a young alder that had fallen in a storm, and added it to the small pile of branches placed across the trail as a temporary barrier. And we headed back down to the road, with the sound of a pileated woodpecker (Dryocopus pileatus) rapping high overhead, and a rough-skinned newt (Taricha granulosa) waiting for us at the trailhead.

I don’t know when the old cedar will finally fall over, but when she does her death will not be in vain. Like all fallen trees, the countless molecules she accumulated over a millennium of life will slowly start to disperse throughout the forest through the actions of detritivores and decomposers. She will feed bacteria and fungi, insects that then become food for birds, and a whole host of plants that will make use of the vast stores of nutrients she holds, and the sunlight that her passing will reveal to the forest floor. Nothing ever goes to waste in a forest, not least of all a fallen tree.

As we drove back down 101 toward the new headquarters, I gave a glance to where we had planted the young cedars. I would never live to see them achieve that great stature; in fact, not all of them may even make it to maturity, especially if cedar die-back continues in our too-hot summers. But it is hope that allows me to continue to plant new things amid loss. I cannot help but try, even against the odds. And I can do two things at once: I can mourn the eldest of the trees as she makes her literal last stand, and I can also loosen the soil for one of her relatives to set roots and grow.

Did you enjoy this post? Consider taking one of my online foraging and natural history classes or hiring me for a guided nature tour, checking out my other articles, or picking up a paperback or ebook I’ve written! You can even buy me a coffee here!

[ask-carmenpondiego]

Chapter 16: The Unexpected Visitor

Weeks go by as the VILE team prepares for the retrieval of the chest that was mentioned in the moonlit carvings of their previous clue. In the bathroom, Wally sits shirtless on the bench by the tub as Carmen removes what vivianite crystals she could, making sure not to cut her latex gloves by accident. In a steel pan, she collects the shards, disinfecting and patching each wound as she goes. “I really wish you would see an actual trained doctor and not me. I just know basic first aid and CPR.” Wally winces a few times as he feels her remove the crystals, hearing the clanking of the shards in the pan. “I doubt they’ll know anything about this. Its not like that have an antibiotic for it. Its a little worse than the sniffles..” he tried chuckling, but started to cough a little, making Carmen hesitate a moment. She wipes her wrist across her forehead under her horn, moving some hair from her face. “Sounds like its starting to affect your lungs. We need to get these treasures so we can get you cured as soon as possible. Otherwise I wouldn’t even bother with asking a jerk spirit for anything.”

The blue pony sighed, looking at his scarred body in the mirror. “How much do you know?” He asked. She was silent for a little bit, closing up a rather large hole with a few stitches, “About the treasures? After the chest is a rabbit then a duck then an egg with a needle inside.. we need that needle to-“

“No, about me. What I am.” He fidgeted with his wedding ring, looking at her from the mirror. She straightened up and sighed. “I had my suspicions but I fully found out because of M. He claimed to be your brother by blood. He confirmed that you were a light balance changeling. Which would explain why Blendin changed from green apple color to a teal when he was a newborn if he is half changeling. But I don’t care what you were. I care about who you are as yourself. You married me as an earth pony, M told me you prefer to be an Earth Pony, so to me you have always been an Earth Pony. I still love you all the same no matter what you identify as.” Wally turns to face her and smiles, brushing her cheek with his hand. “What did I ever do to deserve an angel like you? Even after all this time, we found each other again. Its like you chase away the rain from my life.”

She chuckles and nuzzles into his hand, “You silly stallion, you always need a little rain, otherwise you’d be a desert. Harsh, gritty, dry… getting sand in unpleasant places..” The two ponies laugh a hearty bit. Wally smiles and leans closer and kisses Carmen softly.

Kiros knocked on the doorframe and smirked, “Hey Boss, is this a bad time? We zeroed in on an opening for the chest. We just need your approval for the go-ahead.” Carmen pulled off her gloves and tossed them in the bin. Kiros handed her the tablet, showing a plan and extraction, complete details of any traps or weak structure points.

She poured over the details, made a few notes and frowned. “Is this the best window we have to grab it? Theres several variables that are not consistent. We need stability in these areas to pull off that zip-line. Not enough room for a glider. If we can’t get across that way, going around will add more time.” Kiros shrugged, “This is what we keep coming up with after weeks of trying to figure this out. We’re fresh out of ideas of how to cross that trouble area. We just don’t have the ability to do much more in the way of advanced options.” Wally peeked over, “Have you thought of flying her over? I mean you have wings.. M has wings..”

Kiros and Carmen looked at him a moment. Carmen checked his wingspan and shook her head, “Just about the glider size. I can’t risk broken wings.” Kiros thought more, “Although I can size shift, making me smaller would mean I wouldn’t be able to carry as much. So thats out. What about Lekir? Maybe she can solidify those weak points with ice?” Carmen rubs her temples, “The moisture in the rocks expand when frozen, there a chance it will destabilize even worse.” Carmen hands Kiros the tablet and heads over to the war room to see if looking at it another way may be helpful. Kiros followed her as Wally stayed behind, looking over his bandages before putting his sweater back on.

The bathroom closet suddenly glowed blue around the edges and a young teal unicorn colt stuck his head out. His pink and blue eyes met Wally’s blue eyes with confusion. “Well hey there! Thats a funny place to hide!” The colt stared back at Wally, “…Dad?” Wally tilted his head, “Are you.. Blendin?” The colt rushed out of the closet door and gave his father a big hug, almost being the same height. It was quite obvious he was in his early teens and getting his growth spurt. “I didn’t expect you here! Why are you hiding in the closet?” Wally laughed. Blendin whipped around and closed the closet door, which did not look like a closet when Wally peeked in. It looked like a lobby to an old library if he had to guess. “I wasn’t in the closet.. Is… Mom here? I’ve been getting her letters. But I needed to ask some questions..” Blendin rubbed his arm nervously, his red hoodie looking baggy on his thin frame.

“So if we attach the zipline to this opposing wall, that will be a much better angle to be able to swing without issue..” Carmen pointed to a now 3D hologram of the temple area they were previously discussing. Wally cleared his throat, “Um, my light? I’m sorry to bother you while you’re working but.. I think you may need to see this.” He gestured for her to join him in the hallway privately. “Wally, I can’t keep stopping things for…” Carmen stopped as he stepped aside, pulling Blendin from shyly hiding behind him. “Look who I found in the bathroom closet!” Blendin blushed and gave a very annoyed sigh, “I wasn’t in the closet! I used the ley lines to connect my door to one of yours! How was I supposed to know it was in the bathroom??” Blendin looked over at Carmen who was practically shaking with holding back emotions. “Blendin.. look how tall.. you.. how.. how did you find us? We’re practically off the grid!” So many thoughts and questions raced through her mind, “You’ve grown so much! How is the Library treating you? Have you eaten? Have you gotten my letters? Are you angry with me? Where is Adora? Is she still angry with me? I’m so sorry for leaving you two so alone!” She rambled and had to stop herself.

Blendin chuckled a bit nervously. “Um… I will tell you as much as I can, I’m just on limited time. I snuck over here, I wasn’t supposed to use the ley doors yet. But I did a bit of digging online and noticed some activity in the dark web about this location being connected to the Sweet Spot. It was really tough to hack through, but I was able to find rough coordinates and wanted to see if you were here.” Carmen looked past him towards the bathroom, “You say you connected doors? Like interdimensional travel?” Blendin adjusted his glasses, which looked remarkably like Wally’s. “More like a more stabilized teleportation spell but yeah. Why?” Carmen wrapped him in a huge hug and kissed his cheek repeatedly, “I think you may have solved our problem!! You are such a smart kid! I’m so proud of you!!” Blendin squirmed out of her hugs and adjusted his hoodie, “Please.. warn me next time?” Carmen held up her hands, “Oh I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to overwhelm you. Right. Technically new person…. Have you eaten? You have time for a snack, right?”

Wally puts his hand on Blendin’s shoulder, “She’s been through a lot, give her some credit, this is new to her too. She’s just really excited.” Carmen darted back into the war room and gathered some books and papers, “Sorry! Big thing. Son’s here.” She blurted out and dashed out again, “Ok, Let’s go to the kitchen! Questions are always good paired with food. Eating something pleasureful helps the memory retention.” Blendin watches her hurry towards the kitchen and looks at Wally, “Is she always like this?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, “No, only when she finds something really interesting or if she finds an answer to a long problematic issue, she gets a bit hyper. But I’d say this is bigger than that.”

“Aren’t you excited to see me? You seem very… not excitable.” Blendin tilted his head, Wally chuckled. “Oh I’m very excited, I just dont show it like your mom does. I’m also dealing with some amnesia from a few years back so I’m just vibing until things start to click more.”

Wally and Blendin sit down at the kitchen island, Carmen had her small stack of papers and books on one end and was busy putting together a veggie platter, and stopped, “Do you like veggies? Whats a good snack you like?” Blendin sat up straight, arms by his side and hands on his lap, “Oh um, veggies are good, and maybe some Tajin and hot chili oil?” Carmen smiled over her shoulder, “Thats my boy, a good taste in seasoning! You probably get that more from your father, he’s loves everything spicy! I like more flavor than pure spice though.” She set the food in front of them and leaned on the bar, “Ok so you said you had some questions for me? I’ll answer what I can if you can answer some of mine.” Blendin’s eye sparkled as he saw different fruits and veggies on the platter, he was expecting just carrots and celery. “Um yeah, I needed some help with completing this thing for the Library.. and since I’m a minor, and technically a surrendered child, I can’t get a parent or guardian’s permission, and the Keeper won’t sign off as my guardian. And this is important to me. I want to learn more so I can travel and not be stuck in the library..” Carmen beamed, “You’re saying you need a permission slip signed or else you cannot start to go on missions until you are 18?” Blendin nodded, crunching a starfruit, “Yeah and that may set me back farther than some of the other candidates.” Carmen looked at Wally and tapped her chin, “Sounds like I need to pay the Keeper a visit then. Perhaps I can finally get to get custody of you two again. And this mansion is the safest place you can be as far as I’m concerned.” Blendin perked up, “You mean it? You still want us around?!” Wally and Carmen chuckled, “Of course we still want you!! We never wanted to give you two up in the first place!”

Wally smiled, “I’ve only come back recently as well but from everything I know, she’s been worried sick about you kids.” Blendin smiled and started to cry, “I’m so happy that we actually have parents.. I need to tell Daring..” he pulls out a pink cellphone and starts texting. “Daring? Who is Daring” Wally asked, looking at Carmen, “I’ve seen some fiction books about a Daring Do, but maybe its one of his friend’s nicknames? You know how kids are with fursona or original characters and fanfics..” Carmen chuckled, snagging a carrot chip and stacking a dragonfruit piece on top. “Oh, no, I’m talking to Adora, she IS Daring Do. Its not fiction. She writes about her adventures all the time.” Blendin showed his cellphone to Carmen, showing off pictures of a young adult Adora in safari gear. “I thought she was working with the Warehouse. Not galavanting through rainforests and rough terrain!” Blendin smirked, “She’s the top of her class, been doing work in the archeology division. She loves the stuff!” Wally laughs, “She really takes after you, doesn’t she?” Carmen almost chokes on the carrot and dragonfruit, “You mean thats all real? So she’s top of her class AND a published author? And here I thought being promoted to detective in my early 20’s was impressive!”

M strode past, looking a little worse for the wear, shirt and leather coat all disheveled, a few new plasters on his jaw, bent cigarette hanging from his mouth, his horns looked a bit demonic, one the tip was broke off. He went behind Carmen and used his tentacles to reach the top shelf for some chips. Blendin nearly dropped his phone. “M-Mom?? Why is there a demon in here? I thought you said it was safe here!!” Carmen turns to look at M, who just waved, “Sup, Squirt?”

“That is a good question. Why are you here? You should have been the first to tell me of a breach in security..” Carmen raised her eyebrow at the demon changeling, crossing her arms. “What? I fuckin checked him out, he’s cleaner than a newborn. Plus he came from one of your secure locations you told me to keep around. Consider yerself notified.”

Carmen noticed how uneasy Blendin looked and smacked M on the arm. “Fine, but you’re scaring the poor kid, tone down the horror show for a bit.” She leans towards Blendin assuringly, “Its alright, thats M, your uncle. He’s a dark balance changeling. He’s the one who helped me get back on my hooves after the accident with your father here. Its a long story.” M, who didnt turn down the horror show at all as far as his appearance was concerned, “I ain’t the only one he needs to worry about. He hasn’t met the fuckin team yet and I smell delicious doubt on him, like he doesn’t know if this was the right call, coming here. Which he knows exactly where here is.. or should I say What here is.” The poor young teen was trembling visibly and kept his eyes on his phone. All of a sudden he blinked invisible, startling the three adults. “Where the fuck did he go?” M blurted out as Carmen remembered to tap her glasses. “He’s still here. He’s just using one of his talents! Brilliant boy!”

She looked around and found him curled up under the island bar by his chair. She motioned for them to be quiet as she took a seat on the floor next to him. “Hey kiddo, I know its kinda scary with all these new people, but you can trust them. They’ve all been a part of this weird family we pieced together.” She heard sniffling and looked at the heat signature beside her. “So you aren’t just a misunderstood adventurer, are you? You really are a villain? Thats why you have demons and monsters and secret mansions with black market ties…” Carmen thought a moment and nodded, “I suppose you could see it that way, but its more like being an anti-hero, we don’t kill and most the targets have done things that made them deserve what we did.”

Blendin sniffled still and made his head visible from inside his hoodie, the strings pulled tight. “So I have anti-hero villain parents who want to have custody of us..” Blendin groaned as he tried to wrap his head around it. “I… don’t know if I can do this. This was a bad idea. You probably just want to have us break the law with you..” Wally and M looked at Carmen who winced, she did hope she could use his door transport to help with the chest retrieval. “No, sweetheart.. I will never force you into anything you don’t to do, ok? I could never do that to you, especially since this Librarian candidacy seems to really have you excited. And I couldn’t be more proud, you are a brilliant colt, and you are handsome and so very loved! And your sister too! I wish she were here so I could tell her to her face!” She opened her arms and let him choose to hug her or not. The young colt groaned in uncertainty still but tilted himself into her arms, dropping his invisibility. “This is fine, its progress!” She rubs his back comfortingly. Wally smiled wide, bouncing in his chair a bit, “You are so good with kids. You always were.” M scoffed, “Give it time, they’re teens.”

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

i know you’re poison

(robert aeor high au p13)

masterpost

hey!! so i wouldn't normally ask this of you, but we're in teh endgame of the fic now, things are really starting to come into shape. so, if you're willing, would you mind reblogging?? it would mean the world to me, and since we're in the culminating chapters, there's really not too much to come from here. writing this fic has been a dream come true for me as an author (robert aeor high is actively my longest work ever, as well as the one i've had the most fun writing) and i am genuinely so happy to be able to share this with you all. just something to take into consideration as we reach the endgame of this fic!!

...although Father is a loudly destructive, angrily defiant blowhard, Scott’s known ever since a very young age that his sneaking, scheming mother is the one he really needs to be afraid of. And even now, as she leads him by his arm into the kitchen, making snide, passive-aggressive comments about the way he’s dressed, her inch-long nails cutting into his arm, Scott finds himself curling in on himself, his old submissive habits taking over automatically, by design.

or, alright bitches time to finally meet scott's mom!! fairly short chapter but the next one's gonna explain a lot of shit

TW: cults, implied murder by flamethrower, mind control, mind games, implied murder of a minor, manipulation

please lmk if i missed anything!!

(3543 words)

Scott’s mother hooks him gently by the elbow and leads him inside, just like in all the old movies, her smile the same as he remembers it, slippery and snake-like, charismatic and smooth, her personality exactly right and without a fault for what she is- a cult leader. She’s wearing a long, slitted black dress, her piercing cyan eyes the same shade as Scott’s and tipped with the darkest winged eyeliner he’s ever seen. Her siren scales shimmer in the artificial light, and Scott catches glimpses of purple, green, yellow, and blue, all at once, reflected in them.

The edges of Mother’s lips are curved up in a salacious smile, blanketed under her signature deep crimson lipstick, a shade so dark that at this point, it might as well be purple. Her hair, exactly the same bright teal color as her eyes, is slicked back into a tight ponytail, showing off her smooth and unwrinkled forehead and defined widow’s peak, the ends of her hair reaching almost to her waist.

“Ah, Scott, I’ve been looking for you,” she smarms, some facsimile of warmness edging into her voice, a tone that Scott’s come to know to be fake, smothering her voice in honey. “But then I came home, and your father had kicked you out. Despicable, absolutely despicable! So, naturally, I told him to get out and find his own home.”

Scott nods along amicably, because as he’s learnt from years of experience, the best way to stay out of his mother’s way is to keep under the radar and not spark her anger. As anyone could tell from even a few minutes in her presence, the best, no, only way to describe Mother would be that she is a power-hungry, scarily intelligent diva. 

Coming from one of the richest families around, Karissa Major lived a sheltered, spoiled childhood in which she was generally given anything she asked for. As a result, she became extremely smart- because instead of asking for toys like a normal child, the only things Karissa ever wanted were books. And not fiction books that you’d think a child would like- Karissa only read books on psychology, on the human psyche, eventually graduated from college with a masters’ degree in psychology at sixteen, afterwards scooping up some hapless gorgon twice her age from his own wife, seducing him with her singing until he left his one true love for her. That was Scott’s father.

When Karissa married Scott’s father, named Andre Piccolino before he took her name, her fortune had doubled, even tripled, in size- money rolling in from every corner, rich friends, patrons left and right. The ample flow of cash only seemed to grow when Karissa managed to form a special “friend group” who she calls “the Watchers”. As far as Scott knows, they live life in the mountains in a secluded, secret compound- one his mother’s been at for the past year, and one he wouldn’t set foot in if you paid him (providing he was suddenly allowed to, of course. Scott’s been banned from the Watchers for as long as he can remember.)

Yeah, the Watchers. Her cult. Karissa demands half the profits of all her members as soon as they move in, and if they dare attempt to leave, her wrath is… well, let’s just say no one’s attempted to leave the cult in about seven years, since a particularly harrowing incident involving a girl, seventeen at the time, a dark forest, and a blowtorch.

Her body was never found, most likely burnt to a crisp. 

Scott only knows about this… incident… due to overheard conversations his Mother had on the phone when he was young.

Because although Father is a loudly destructive, angrily defiant blowhard, Scott’s known ever since a very young age that his sneaking, scheming mother is the one he really needs to be afraid of. And even now, as she leads him by his arm into the kitchen, making snide, passive-aggressive comments about the way he’s dressed, her inch-long nails cutting into his arm, Scott finds himself curling in on himself, his old submissive habits taking over automatically, by design.

“So, um, what exactly are you doing here?” Scott asks flatly, earning a shocked look from Mother as he interrupts yet another mention of The Watchers and how “we would love to have you, really, darling.”

Huh. He supposes he’s not strictly unallowed anymore.

“Well, I’m coming back to check on my darling baby boy, of course. So, Scott, tell me how it’s been going. Tell me… everything.” Her irises briefly flash a dark, instant pitch, like a void pulling him in, trying to pull everything out of him piece by piece by piece. Because right. She’s a siren. Scott should have known Mother would do this at some point.

He tries to keep his mouth closed, he really does, but she’s too powerful and she knows it- her lips quirk up a centimeter further in genuine triumph as Scott’s own lips part and he begins to recount the story of the past few months, every last detail. His mother listens intently, her hands clasped underneath her chin, elbows resting on the stone table, as the sky gets darker and darker outside. Hours must have passed by the time Scott finishes, gasping for a breath.

The only part he manages to leave out of his lengthy tale are the memories he and Jimmy have shared.

“Well! Thank you so very much, Scott, what a positively lovely storytime.” Karissa claps her hands together decidedly, her smile growing wider by the minute, a cheshire cat grin that unnerves Scott to his very bone. “So, about this Jimmy- would either of you be interested in a little something my friend group has to offer? We’re thinking of putting on a little show, and we were wondering if you and some of your friends would consent to be the, ah, actors, let’s say.”

Scott’s first instinct, one he feels down to his inner core, is to say no- to yell it, scream it in Karissa’s face, and run from the house, as quickly as possible. He doesn’t want anything to do with his mother, or the Watchers, or anything they have to offer- Mother has ruined his life more times than he dares to count. But her smile is so inviting, so warm, and he’s certain that despite it all, she really does want what’s best for him…

This time, Scott catches the faint scent of siren magic on the air as her eyes start to go black, shaking his head violently and sending a glare in her direction. “Cut it out, Mother. No, I don’t want to be a part of another one of your twisted little experiments- you think I don’t know what happened to the kids from the first one?”

Karissa raises one eyebrow so high that it almost disappears into her overly defined hairline, an expression of strict disappointment plastered atop her features. “Impressive, Scott. I’m glad you’re finally beginning to take your siren side into account. This does, however, make things a lot more… difficult, I’ll say, for us.”

“Because you can’t control me on a whim? Yeah, I’d say that’s a good thing, actually. I don’t want anything to do with you, it was a mistake to come here in the first place. I need to leave, I need to go, Jimmy’s probably going crazy looking for me.” Scott stands, roughly pushing away his chair, and turns to leave, with every intent of getting out of this wretched place and back to the comfortable safety of Jimmy.

“I know about the rapport, Scott.” Mother’s voice drips from behind him like honey, and his shoulders clench, stopping him in his tracks.

“...The what?” Scott asks, dread welling up inside him for some unknown reason, sticky and pulling at his insides.

His mother sighs dramatically, throwing her hands up into the air like the diva she is. “The rapport! Really, you’ve not had quite the best education in the ways of sirens, have you?”

“My education is fine, Mother.” Scott clenches his teeth, still with half a mind to just forget about whatever she’s on about this time and leave. But she’s got him hooked, and she knows it, her snaking grin growing somehow even wider- Scott swears that her mouth shouldn’t be able to stretch that far, it’s almost unnatural how stretched and strained her face is.

“A rapport is an emotional and mental bond a siren, or, in your case, half-siren, can share with another sentient being. Rapports are only formed between two people who have great trust and respect for each other, and they can manifest in a variety of different ways. I could sense the magic of it on you as soon as I took your arm when you first walked in the door. So, tell me- how has your rapport shown itself, and who did you decide to share it with?”

Scott doesn’t want to admit that his mother has struck him speechless, but she has. For the first time in the last few months, everything is almost too clear, as if he’s been squinting through layers of clouded glass that have suddenly and miraculously been wiped clean. “Wait. That’s what it is? The thing me and Jimmy have?” The words are out before he can stop himself, curiosity creeping into his mind, pushing out any coherent thoughts.

“Oh, so it’s Jimmy, is it?” Karissa asks, her smile dropping for the first time so far, to be replaced by a slight and subtle sneer. If Scott hadn’t spent all of his formative years with the woman, he’s not sure he would’ve even noticed the negative expression. “Scott, I’m not like your father. I’m not against you having a boyfriend- in fact, I had a girlfriend when I was younger. I am many things, but a homophobe is not one of them. But, still, I do have my worries- didn’t you say he was homeless before that? Not to mention the fact that he’s an avian… I’m not sure if I want you to associate with their kind, they’re awfully… scruffy. Not fit to interact with people of our class.”

Her words take Scott by surprise, though honestly, at this point in their relationship, they probably shouldn’t. “That’s- that’s not an okay thing to say- what the fuck, Mother? Jimmy is one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met, and John and Laura are better parents than you and Father ever were.” Now that he knows his mother can’t control him through her magic, Scott suddenly feels a whole damn lot more confident. Of course, even without her siren powers, Mother is a master manipulator, but at least now he knows that if she tries her magic again, he has a way to cancel it out.

“Hm,” Scott’s mother mutters noncommittally, scrutinously looking over her nails with faked interest before meeting Scott’s eyes, where her wide grin has grown back on her face. “Anyways- are you interested in learning more about the rapport, how to manage and utilize it, et cetera?’

As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, (because if he didn’t know his mother was a terrible person, he sure does now) Scott is. He’s insanely interested, he’s never really had a chance to learn about this part of his heritage, of his backstory- and if it’s special, what he and Jimmy share, he wants to find some way to control it so they aren’t both just bowled over by memories whenever emotions get too high.

“Yes.” He voices the answer against his best judgment, he says the wordsAnd that’s it. Mother has him in checkmate, there’s no getting out of this, and from the look on her face, he can tell that she knows she’s won. Once again, she’s won.

“Fantastic!” Karissa claps her hands together again, kicking off her spiked heels under the table and grabbing Scott by his shoulder, steering him upstairs and into her study, a room Scott’s never been allowed inside until now.

“But, of course, no knowledge comes without a price,” Mother smiles with a fake, dripping sweetness, grabbing books down off the bookshelves of this unfamiliar room, her long, turquoise nails a striking color against the black binding as she pulls a particular volume off the shelf.

To be honest, Scott had known this was coming: he knew there was no way his manipulative, power-thirsty mother would simply teach him the ways of sirens, it really wasn’t even a possibility that there wasn't a catch. Sometimes Scott wonders what would have happened if he had grown up with different parents, and then he realizes it’s a miracle he isn’t as fucked up as others in his situation have been. For the most part, he’s a genuinely kind, empathetic person, and he’s surprised, when he thinks about it, that he hasn’t turned out differently.

“Okay, what’s the price then?” Scott asks skeptically, bringing his thoughts back to the matter at hand. He leans cautiously up against the closed, creme-colored door, shoulders tent and alert.

“I want you to participate in my experiment.” The words flow off Karissa’s tongue smoothly, like honeyed butter, so confident that Scott can’t even imagine something else his mother might have said.

“Of course you do,” he mutters, pursing his lips and trying to conceal the intense fear rushing through his veins.

“I promise, it’s completely ethical,” Mother smiles in such a way that makes Scott certain it’s not ethical at all, sitting down at the desk and picking up the books she’d grabbed from the shelves.

“Somehow, given your history, I highly doubt that.”

“Oh, quit your grumbling,” his mother simpers, poking Scott in the middle of his nose on the way out the door, books carried effortlessly under her arm. “Come on, it’ll be a fun bonding experience for you and your boyfriend! And you can bring along some other friends too! Of course, I’ve already advertised throughout your school and gotten several submissions from students who want to join, but it just wouldn’t be the same without my favorite son in the competition.”

“I’m your only son,” Scott points out, following his mother (like a lost puppy, little as he wants to admit it) as she sashays through the halls, back downstairs, and into the basement. “And also, what do you mean ‘competition’?”

Mother hums, infuriatingly, and Scott can tell she knows she’s got him on the hook. “Oh, you know, a little game. A few of my friends’ kids are going to be participating too, and of course, you will be paid handsomely. Would you like me to list off the people who have agreed to join?”

“...Sure.” 

“The first person who signed up, almost immediately as I put up the fliers, was this boy named Grian, an avian. He goes to your school, doesn’t he?” Karissa doesn’t wait for an affirmative answer from Scott, one that she quite obviously already knows, instead barreling on. “I saw a certain spark in Grian, so I’ve given him some… special privileges. Two boys, best friends named Impulse and Skizz, signed up as well; I believe they go to the public school downtown? A couple others too. Oh, and I can’t believe my silly mind, I almost forgot to tell you that your dear friend Joel has also signed on!” The woman claps her hands in a satisfied manner, and Scott wants to throw up.

It is very clear that she hasn’t forgotten, she never did, she’s just been holding onto that bit of information as a last resort. Scott doesn’t want Joel alone in anything his mother’s concocting, especially not if it has something to do with the Watchers. If he wasn’t checkmated before, he certainly is now- there is no way he’s letting Joel deal with whatever horrific experiment his mother has concocted this time. 

“Fine. Fine! If you’ve managed to somehow get Joel roped into this, I guess I’ll join! It’s not like I have any choice, anyway.” Scott spits out the words like poison gracing his tongue, and he can see the edges of his shades frosting over from his anger out of the corners of his eyes.

Mother’s cheshire cat grin grows even wider, her heavily mascaraed eyes opening wide in mock surprise. “Oh, Scott, thank you so much! I knew I could count on you,” she smiles, sighing dramatically as if everything would have been ruined if Scott hadn’t decided to play into her sick little mind games.

“Yeah, great, cool. I’m going home.” He’s done. He’s so done with his bitch of a mother, why did he ever think it could be different, she’s always been like this, always-

“This is your home, dear!” Karissa looks somehow offended, and the utter irony and sickness of the situation chills Scott to the bone, a disgusted sneer moving across his features as naturally as a skim of oil slimes across the surface of a cup of water.

“No. It’s not.” As Scott walks out, Mother makes no move to stop him- but he can feel her eyes searing into his back, almost hear the way her teeth click together when she smiles. She doesn’t call out until he’s already halfway down the garden path.

“Scott, darling! Come over, this time tomorrow, and I’ll teach you about the rapport, what it means, and how you can harness it. Don’t forget to try and get Jimmy and Owen and Shelby into the game, there’s a limited number of slots!”

Scott’s back tenses at the word game. 

Nothing good can come of this.

As he steps through the now-deserted streets, he pulls up his phone to check for notifications he might have missed, and inadvertently realizes it’s somehow well past midnight. Where did the time go? What has he been doing all day? Jimmy must be worried sick-

His phone rings, and speak of the devil, it’s the canary himself. Scott picks up immediately, pressing the phone to his ear, Jimmy’s voice panicked but still coherent on the other end.

“Scott, thank god you picked up! Are you okay? What happened, where have you been?! Owen and I have been so worried about you, and John and Laura were just about to call the police to file a missing persons report- but I insisted calling you one more time and thank god I did, please get home soon, we’re all so worried-” Jimmy takes a break to breathe, and something seems to snap in him, his anger pouring through the phone and almost making Scott flinch.

“Scott, where the fuck have you been?! I haven’t seen you since noon, you’ve been gone for more than 12 hours, I was so scared, explain yourself right this fucking instant! Or I swear to god-”

“Jimmy, I’m fine, I’m fine.” Scott tries to disregard the pang of affection he feels for his boyfriend, because he was worried about him, someone was actually worried about Scott- “My mother was in town, so I decided to pay her a visit. I lost track of time. I’m sorry.”

“Losing track of time is three or four hours gone, maybe five. YOU WERE GONE FOR TWELVE AND A HALF HOURS. I know you have a better explanation, a real explanation, and I want to hear it. Now. Also, wind back: your MOTHER was in town?! You mean the abusive, manipulative cult leader mother who I’ve heard oh so LITTLE about?” 

“Okay, okay, let me get home, and I’ll explain everything, I swear.”

There’s silence on the other end, and Scott feels a bit of anxiety set in. He’s really made Jimmy worry, probably Owen too, and he can’t even imagine the panic that must be going through John and Laura’s minds right now. Scott swallows deeply, quickening his pace and stepping down the well-tread route to his home. He doesn’t look behind him as his mother steps out onto the deck and watches him go, a manipulative, wide-toothed smile painted ferociously across her face.

“I’ve got you now,” she whispers, quietly, as Scott’s heart thumps green in her enhanced vision. He doesn’t know it yet, but he doesn’t have a choice in whether he participates in her game or not. It’s not an option anymore.

But Karissa, through years of reading psychology books in her free time, through years of leading her cult (yes, she does admit it’s a cult- not that she would to anyone’s face)- through all this, Karissa has found that the best way to make someone do something you want is to make them feel as if they’ve got a choice.

Even when they absolutely do not. Scott has been ensnared, and because of his rapport, so has Jimmy. Now, it’s only a matter of time before they realize it themselves. It’s only a plus that Scott has already agreed of his own free will to participate in her game.

A quiet laugh spreads across the post-midnight town, a cackle that sets deep into the bones of any who hear it, tossing and turning in their sleep. Oh yes, Karissa is ready. She has been ready for as long as she can remember.

[wilwywaylan]

Recolored my drawing for @combeauferre in the @drinkwithme-exchange, because I wasn't 100% happy with the crayon colors. I love markers so much <3

And Legos are still a bitch to color. Agh agh agh.

[image ID : Joly and Combeferre are sitting in front of a black couch. Joly, a man with pale skin, brown shaggy hair and green eyes, is holding a ship made of Legos. He’s wearing a teal shirt with R2-D2 and a vacuum cleaner saying “I am your father”, grey flannel pants with TIE fighters and Dark Star pattern, and black socks with a lightsaber pattern. His right leg is propped on two pillows. Combeferre, a man with brown skin, with a black undercut and grey eyes, is looking up at Joly’s ship, while building another one. He’s wearing black-rimmed glasses, a dark blue X-Wing shirt, black boxers and grey socks with an argyle TIE fighter pattern. He has a blanket wrapped on his shoulders. Between them, a multicolor blanket is spread on the floor and covered with Lego pieces of all shapes and colors. They have Star Wars cups (shaped as R2 and 3PO) beside them, and plates with Vader-shaped cookies. An orange cat is laying on the back of the couch and trying to grab Joly’s ship. A black cat is laying on the blanket, gathering minifigures. On the couch, a sheet is spread with “Joly and Combeferre’s monthly Star Wars watching party”. In the background are several shelves covered with boxes and books, a whiteboard with several things written on them, and two white doors, one with Portal 2 stickers and the other one with the rules for their kitchen written on it. end ID]

[racingliners]

Livery Watch 2024

Well I am typing this out way earlier than I expected (thanks McLaren), but I legit had so much fun rating and yelling about all the different team liveries last year that I'm going to do it again this year.

This was going to be my wishlist/prediction post for each team but lo and behold McLaren revealed their 2024 livery today, so I'll be talking about the remaining 9 teams instead, and I'll go a little bit more in-depth in the reblog below about McLaren's 2024 livery.

Red Bull: As much as I desperately yearn for a return to the glossy dark metallic blue livery of the early-mid 2010s, I am 90% sure we're going to see the same livery on their car they've used since 2016, but with the usual annual sponsor logo adjustments

Mercedes: Given how positively their return to an all black livery was perceived, I think we'll see the same thing on the car this year with very subtle silver and Petronas teal accents. (However a piece of my heart would certainly be very happy with chrome silver as an alternative!)

Ferrari: Also asking Ferrari to ditch the matte paint but I know it won't happen. I honestly loved last year's livery, especially with the text logo on the rear wing, but if they go for a more burgundy leaning red like their 1000th race livery then I will have never said anything bad about Ferrari ever actually.

Aston Martin: Zero notes. Though if I see any exposed carbon I will be suing Lawrence Stroll for emotional damages.

Alpine: I am actually a blue and pink livery apologist (the all over pink is still extremely beloved though!!) so hopefully we'll have more of the same this year.

Williams: I've really loved the geometric blue tile livery they're ran for the past couple of years, my only tweak would be to use slightly lighter shades of blue since overall last year's grid did look quite dark last year with all the exposed carbon. I'm also echoing what I said last year in that a total switch up to the white to blue ombre livery the team ran during their RoKit sponsorship years would be really nice to see.

Sauber: No I'm not calling them Stake F1 Team Sauber, I have better things to do with my time. It's just Sauber. Anyway, I'm expecting the livery to be quite a drastic change as part of the rebrand from Alfa Romeo to Stake, and if we're taking hints from their big social media overhaul I think there's going to be a lot of black and neon green (I do think that they're going to be treading a fine line between looking really nice or the W15 ordered off Wish)

Alpha Tauri/Racing Bulls: I honestly loved the navy and white Alpha Tauri liveries, imho they were really stylish and made them look like less of a Red Bull junior team. I don't really know what their rebrand is going to look like, so in the mean time I am going to yearn for a return to the iconic Toro Rosso drinks can livery from 2017 and 2018.

Haas: Unless Moneygram join the exodus of departures from Haas, I think we're going to see some kind of black and white livery with red accents. Personally I'd like there to be more red and a glossy black (matte pain continues to be my behated) but like with Red Bull if it ends up being a nearly identical livery to last year then I won't be surprised.

[bellasauruss]

Okay guys: so I'm redesigning vitality!

I'm SO SO proud of what I have here (open in a tab to have better quality) and I think she's so pretty look at herrrr she has a unique face shape finally!!!! I tweaked her color pallete in minor ways (horn color is now red, orange is slightly more red, teal is slightly more green) and I just fixed her shapes and made her look like I wanted to overall

I referenced the work of Sammy Toress (https://www.deviantart.com/sammytorres/gallery) For help on how to draw wings and talons and I recommend studying their character design as well because it helped me so damn much

OKAY well here she is now- I'm wanting to make a big ref sheet with some more angles of her, some expressions, special things like her venom color, blood, maybe some poses, etc. (Like what Sammy did with her oc Acorn- a really cool, big ref sheet just for fun because I'm in love with it, it's on her Deviant Art profile that I linked)

So this isn't done yet, but technically this angle is!!!

[strayslost]

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR MOOTS BETTER !

Fill out the info sheet below & tag your friends to do the same ! Repost , don’t reblog !

🌊 🐇

Name / Pen-name : Meri!

Pronouns : She/her (okay with they/them too!)

Country / Region : England.

Timezone : GMT

Age / Age group : 25, as of this month!

Favourite colours : Pink, turquoise/teal, yellow, cream & brown, and maybe green too???

Favourite foods : How can you expect me to choose!! if I listed them all I'd be here all day ;~; I suppose a couple are cheesecake, custard (and sweets/cakes generally tbh), spaghetti bolognese, salmon... I've gone too braindead to think of more, sorry :')

Non - RP Hobbies ? : Watching/reading anime, manga and visual novels (when I've got the executive function for it), music, video games, decoration/design, and working on my own stories/songs! I'd love to stream someday, but I'm a bit too nervous to start atm, haha. Same with blogging about some of the things that are important to me - I'd love to do more in that regard, but I'm not really sure where to start.

Favourite animal : BUNNIES and sea creatures in general!! In particular, octopi, sea otters and sea turtles have my whole heart <33

Any allergies ? : I actually have had an allergic reaction to something like. once in my life, but unfortunately I have no idea what it was to, otl ;w; so uhhh. I guess my answer is a "not really"??

Favourite Season : Ooooh, I can't choose. Aesthetically, maybe summer or winter, with autumn close behind. In practice, I'm terrible with temperatures that are too hot or too cold, though!

Scents you like : Vanilla and coffee! Though my sense of smell is pretty bad generally, I'd say these are my favorites.

Coffee / tea / hot cocoa : Tea (with a bit of sugar!). Hot cocoa can be great too, and I don't like the taste of coffee, but I do benefit from the effects of caffeine, so I tend to drink lattes instead.

How long have you been in your current fandom ? : for BSD, it's only been about a year! Actually, I'm pretty sure I got into the series sometime around December 2022, since that's when I first made my Chuuya blog?? It's pretty quickly risen to the spot of my favourite piece of media ever though, at least currently, so congrats to BSD are in order, I think!

Do you prefer to ‘ wing ’ your threads or discuss plots with your partner during or ahead of time ? : I enjoy both! I think my favourite thing to do is to have or discuss a general idea for the starter/thread, for example like... "my muse is time traveling from the future to meet yours", or "my muse discovers a secret yours is hiding," so like basic plotting, and then just seeing where things go from there. But I absolutely enjoy winging it too/just seeing what happens, and I love just as much when my partners have something they particularly want to explore and let me know, so I'm pretty flexible in that regard, I think! (aka send me your wishlists >:) )

Are you okay with getting to know your RP partners outside of writing / becoming good online friends or even offline friends ? : 100000%, honestly I would love this so much! But full warning in advance, I am... very bad at being active and replying to messages quickly in general, otl. I don't have many friends irl as a result of this, even though I really would really like to make more... unfortunately my functioning issues in most areas of my life are pretty bad and this extends to maintaining conversations too. HOWEVER, you're absolutely always welcome to message me whenever you'd like, even if I haven't replied to your last message yet! I find that this can help prompt me to reply to my old messages as well, and I can promise you that my slow replies are absolutely not an indication that I don't want to talk with you or of how I feel about you - I'm just very awkward and find socializing hard, but that doesn't stop me from really enjoying talking with you nonetheless!! (This applies to my RP reply speeds too, tbh) There's way more I could say on this but I might make it it's own post tbh, this section is already getting too long. tl;dr i love you all, let's be friends!! <33

Finally , what are your favourite genres of RP ?: I'm not so good at defining genres, so instead I'll say - I love angst and conflict between characters but also resolving conflicts too, seeing characters get to know and relate to each other better... I'm a big fan of threads with supernatural elements, in particular those that are shocking to the characters, and of secrets being revealed generally too! Exploring character's insecurities and beliefs and having them change their perspective is great as well... basically, I'd say I enjoy "meaty" threads with lots of emotions or action over like slice-of-life, casual interactions, but even those can be fun if they're well done, honestly!

Tagged by : @chaosbled ( thank you so much!!! ;w;)

Tagging : I haven't been logged in enough to know who's done this already if I'm honest so I'm just gonna say anyone who wants to and hasn't done it yet - say I tagged you! <3

[kathyprior4200]

Heaven Hotel: "Prologue"

The Story of Hell…(But not the one you know)

“Once upon a time, there were four main afterlife realms. One was a golden city guarded by golden gates known as Heaven. It was created by God and high-ranking angels who spread harmony throughout the universe. In the Hazbin Universe, Lucifer was a dreamer angel who had unique ideas for creation, but the elder angels didn’t like his wild, unconventional ideas. Sera and the angels helped create Earth and thus created Adam and Lilith in the Garden of Eden. Lilith fled the garden to escape her controlling husband, met Lucifer and fell in love. Lucifer wanted to share free will with humanity, so he gave the apple from the forbidden tree to Eve. Presumably, Roo, the Eldritch goddess of evil was able to escape the tree, corrupt the Earth and ruin the angel’s plan for humanity. Thus, Eve was corrupted, and Lucifer and Lilith were banished to Hell. Charlie, the princess of Hell, wanted to rehabilitate Sinners through her hotel to keep them safe from Adam and his female Exorcists who went down to kill them every year. A Sinner named Sir Pentious reincarnated to Heaven as an angel and Adam reincarnated as a demon after their deaths. Hell was a place with seven Rings ruled by the Seven Deadly Sins and the Sinners and demons could do whatever they wanted under Lucifer’s circus-like rule.

Those are the worlds you know. But those are different to where I’m from.

The Heaven where I live (what you would call 2P Heaven) is more complex than a simple golden Hollywood city. It has Seven Halos, each ruled by an Archangel or the Seven Heavenly Virtues. Humility, the lowest, is ruled by Archangel Michael. Charity is ruled by Gabriel, Chasity by Camael, Diligence by Raphael, Patience by Uriel, Temperance by Jophiel, and Kindness by Zadkiel. The Born-Again Council is our equivalent to the Hell Overlords. Sinners are ex-humans in Hazbin Hell, Winners are ex-humans in Hazbin Heaven. Here, we call them Saints. But those in our Hell? They have a lot of complaints. They are so far gone we don’t even know what to call them…”scum” is an understatement. Instead of I.M.P. imps going down to kill those on Earth, or Hazbin Cherubs going to save people, the main commoners here are elves of E.L.F. They not only save people, but they bless their families and comfort them after their losses. Much more efficient than C.H.E.R.U.B. at least. (See “Heavenly Boss.”)

You probably are wondering who I am. I am Princess Coerciona Vespar, only one of the most important people in this Heaven world. The angels here are shapeshifters and often have blue dots on their white cheeks instead of red ones. The only ones above me are my parents King Hesperius and Queen Evanna and the Archangels and God. I have black hair, black wings with eyes on them, barbed wire in my hair, dark green/teal dots on my white face and carry all sorts of weapons. My eyes can change to a deep black with white pupils, but mostly they are ice-blue.

Not only am I a princess, I also happen to be a leader of my very own Exorcist army, the Cleansers. Unlike blonde bimbo Barbie in Hazbin Hell, I enjoy killing demons and Sinners with great passion. (And why shouldn’t I? Most of them are rapists, Nazis, serial killers and the like…if they all get any ideas, I’m just making them double dead to feed Roo.) I also enjoy daily praise, respect, and rock music. I used to have a crush on Hazbin Exorcist general Adam, but when he lost to a cyclops maid, I figured he was pathetic after all. Coercing others is my specialty.

Who are the Cleansers? They are the Exorcists 2.0. They are of all genders and all classes: Heavenborn, Saints, and even lowly elves and cherubs can sign up. You see, we don’t just go down to Hell once a year to kill; we have to constantly be on the lookout 24/7. In our universe, what you would call 2P Hell…it’s a nest for Roo and Eldritch monsters. In fact, her influence makes up part of the Hazbin Hell, where double-dead Sinners and demons serve as her food and her eyes. Here, she is more known than in the Hazbin world. In our Hell, Lucifer switches between good and evil; he actually fell after losing to Michael and now hates humanity 90% of the time. Lucifer’s face is black and looks more devil-like than a clown. Lilith in our world is a succubus but much nicer than all the other royals in Hell. Eve gets to visit Earth and Heaven to help humans as the Mother of Humanity. All the Seven Deadly Sins have their traditional appearances, and they are all greedy and malicious. (Think dragon-wolf Mammon, Sloth Belphegor, and Fly Beelzebub. If your job was to punish people every day and you always got what you wanted, you’d be that way, too. It’s the blunt karmic way of “You’re on the receiving end of rape/pain whatever sin is around”.). Hellborns are at the top and the most powerful ones are those who own the most human slave souls.

Anyway, the Cleansers have to stop these white, bat-winged Satanics from sneaking up into Heaven and turning angels into demons with their black energy weapons. (Yes, they can do that, and if those in Hazbin found out, there’d be all-around panic in Hazbin Heaven.) In our Hell, Sinners are slaves, zero-free will, having to watch demons indulge in their associated sins. The only way to escape is if they are chosen to go to Purgatory or if they make it through Dante’s Inferno Circles. If they can endure the cleansing Purgatory flames, they then have to prove their worth by completing three incarnated lives on Earth after their first main life. If they pass all three, they go to Heaven, but if they don’t, they are sent back to Hell in dishonor. (Yeah, unlike Hazbin world, our rules are very specific about who goes where. Unless you’re the lucky few in Heaven with God, the afterlife is not pleasant.) The rules? No killing unless in self-defense. No stealing unless for survival. No raping anyone for any reason. No using money for self-serving/harming others without giving back in some way. Suicide is debatable…usually it’s bad but there are exceptions. Many Sinners in our Hell desire to go double dead and become food for Roo to escape the punishment…that’s where the Cleansers come in. We can see who might be worthy enough for redemption, who still needs to suffer and who has had enough.

So I help manage the Cleansers, but I still find many of Heaven’s rules stifling. They can accept killing Sinners, but they’re still often against LGBT rights and abortion and women’s rights and all that BS? To combat the extreme opposites of sin, I created my “Heaven/Haven Hotel,” a place where angels and Saints can come by and indulge in moderate sin and hide from the Satanics, provided they follow my rules. (Let’s be honest, one night of drinking and sex and swearing out loud to punk rock isn’t gonna hurt anyone. You can call me a stereotypical mean goth girl, but I have more responsibility, power, and beauty than your average human.)

Personally, I don’t care about trying to redeem Sinners 24/7; they have to do most of the work on their own. I guess I’m a good supporter of free will but only in moderation. As for me being a “brat” as many say, I’m just cynical of Heaven, Hell, and the systems in general. Those of us in Heaven come from a variety of species, sexualities, and the like, but due to Christianity, there will be an orientation to traditional roles, much like on Earth. 

My father King Hesperius used to be Lucifer’s lost twin brother, the Evening Star. He is basically Lucifer without the desire to bring up chaos and wild ideas. He is sort of like Michael; stern, older, an opposite to Lucifer. My mother Queen Evanna is what Lilith and Eve would be had they not fallen. As for our Adam? He’s in Heaven working with Jesus to try and improve things on Earth. How’s that for the real first man? (And don’t forget my giant cherub baby bodyguards Pub and Chub.) Why am I so dark and vicious like Hazbin’s Exorcists? Perhaps I got a little too close and curious to Roo’s forbidden fruit when I was little and now I want to do things my own way; trying to follow some of Heaven’s rules while also being the best leader I can be. And if it means gloriously bathing in the blood of evil demons and getting even richer than I already am, all the better! Someday I’ll be just like the privileged Seven Deady Sins but without the Sin.

You want to know how I ran my hotel surrounded by a bunch of f**king idiots? Here you go…

0 0 0

Heaven Hotel: Season One Episode One: “Prelude”

I walked out onto a high balcony under the skies of Heaven. I wore a black undershirt with a white bow tie on top. A dark teal shirt, long white pants and white high heel shoes completed my look. My face was pale white and teal blushes were present on my cheeks. My eyes consisted of white pupils and dark blue sclera. Perched on my head was a black spiked crown. I was the inverted, antithesis of Charlie, the princess of Hell.

For all my life, I’ve been taught that all angels have good inside them. But I know that to be a lie. Ever since Lucifer and Lilith, God’s closest angels betrayed Him… I don’t think I can believe in these flawed teachings anymore…

I am Coerciona Vespar, Coercia for short. I was born and raised in Heaven…though I’m not at all one would expect to be in such a place. Some call me self-entitled and pessimistic, though I do enjoy heavy metal music, rebelling against the rules and the occasional brawl.

It makes sense that only a worthy few are able to be here in Heaven. Choosing them out of the sea of Sinner scum. Yet ironically, even the Saints and Heaven-born aren’t flawless all the time. It’s inevitable that all imperfect beings will go to Hell. They deserve to deal with suffering and challenges. Best of all, they wouldn’t be bound by social expectations. Heck, I wouldn’t be too surprised if I went to Hell if I were to piss off too many people. I do enjoy my comfortable life here, just not these restrictions.

I have two muscular servants, Pub and Chub: fat white naked cherubs with horns on their heads, small white feathery wings, and black eyes. One tested the strings on my black electric guitar while the other shot out torpedoes from a small cannon.

Outside was a white clock tower standing tall against the blue sky. The numbers read 0 then changed to 365 days. Writing above the numbers read “Days until the next cleanse in Hell.”

The Exorcists or rather the Cleansers did their job in eliminating part of the demon population in 2P Hell like they did every year in the canon Hell. But at the same time each year, the Satanics, risen white demons with white bat wings and horns, tried to invade our world. They carried glowing black pitchforks and turned innocent denizens into demons. They would carry books and tempt angels with their innermost desires. Sex, sin, self-expression, sorcery, whatever that need was. Then, once they were hooked, they were stabbed with the pitchforks, causing their wings to burn off and sending them plummeting down to Hell. Nearby families would grieve at their loss.

I leaned against the marble balcony and began to sing in a low growl.

(“I’m Always Evading Shadows”)

 “At the end of the journey, there’s suffering

Denying it, how often I’ve tried

But my life’s a disgrace

Just a slap in the face

And the harsh truths have all been denied”

“A sliver of despair in this world of light

I know this world’s not free of sin

I search for the good

But get misunderstood

And reality will always win”

“Why have I always been imperfect?

Lost in this brainwashed sea

I wonder if the world’s to blame

I wonder if it could be me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Trapped, drowning in the social flow

Free-will forbidden, my answers are hidden

Lying down below”

“Some people sugarcoat their speeches

I always blab out what I mean

I may be cruel but I am no fool

Things are never what they seem

Believe me”

“I’m always evading shadows

Waiting for people to awaken

In vain.”

A nearby portal opened and out came the Cleansers. Their weapons drew no blood, for the Sinners would be transported to Purgatory without a trace. They took off their LED masks, their white angelic faces revealed. One by one, the citizens clapped and cheered. One of the Archangels with four black wings flew up to the front, his spiked halo glowing. He took off his mask, revealing a white stern face with yellow eyes and short black hair. In his utility belt were a few daggers, whips, chains, and a bottle of emergency holy water.

“Another successful purge,” one of their other leaders Samael (Venom of God) praised. “You cleansed more Sinners while still keeping the population in a good balance. Well done, all of you.” He cleared his throat and made a cross symbol over his heart. “For the greater good in the name of our Lord.”

The angels repeated the phrase.

“Until next year. Dismissed.” The Archangel soldiers saluted and then flew off separately to see their families.

All around me, Holy City was basked in a heavenly glow. The city was located up in the sky among the clouds, but no one had to worry about falling, even the ones without their wings out. A large church with the appearance of the Notre Dame Cathedral stood proudly in the city square, made of polished marble. Choirs and songs floated through the stained-glass windows as the regular angels went in and out to pray and visit with their neighbors. A large fountain sprouted non-alcoholic wine of a golden color. It had a white statue of Mary and Jesus as a young boy at the top, both with welcoming faces.

The streets were spotless and clean. Roofs and roads were powered by the sun’s rays. The Cloud 9 supermarket had endless amounts of food for sale…no one ever had to worry about going hungry. Charity workers and volunteers worked by the dozens, passing out extra food and bestowing miracles for those who needed them. Metatron, the highest-ranking angel, was busy keeping records of human lives, deaths and the messages of God.

This version of Heaven was very similar to the Heaven in the realm next door, the one above the familiar Hell with the Hazbin Hotel. The architecture was almost the same. But unlike those angels with their blonde hair and red blushes, these angels most often had black hair and teal blushes on their pale cheeks. Like in the other Heaven, some of the bipedal angels displayed animal-like characteristics: some had heads of doves, others had swan wings and mannerisms. Many of them had fur, ears, and fluffy tails of dogs and wolves. It was the only place where dogs and cats could dance and prance together without conflict. Still a few others had faces of flowers or even objects like harps and musical instruments.

God’s Palace was the grandest place of all: it was settled at the highest point of Heaven like Mount Olympus. Only a few angels were allowed to visit there. God’s abode, the Empyrean, had an elite group of angels guarding it. Seraph angels with six fiery rainbow wings guarded the throne of God, chanting “Holy, holy, holy!” much to the annoyance to those nearby. There were rumors that in the palace gardens, the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge were grown there, heavily protected.

King Hesperius and Queen Evanna are my parents. They took the place of our version of Lucifer and Lilith after they were banished. They were named the new king and queen of Heaven (Under God and a few Archangels), thus I became the princess.

King Hesperius had a white face, teal blushes on his cheeks and short dark hair. He wore a gray suit with a dark blue bow tie and a black top hat with two white feathers attached to the brim. Evanna’s hair was long and black, and she too had typical angel features. She wore a golden halo crown and an elegant white sequined dress. Both had white wings which could turn black when they were angry or defensive. My mother keeps in contact with me more than my father and seems more supportive of my project.

Now that you know my family, let’s take a look at my sidekick character crew.

0 0 0

Along the street, a red car stopped beside the sidewalk. A tall creature opened the car door and stepped out. The dragonfly angel had a furry dark gray face and body, plus multiple slender arms: four in total. He wore tall boots, green gloves and a shirt with a teal bowtie near the top. His shirt and sleeves had black and dark green vertical stripes. Green dots resembling eyes were located under his eyes. He also had thin dragonfly wings that were surprisingly strong.

“Thank you for the ride,” said the dragonfly angel.

“No problem, Frank Myrth,” said the driver Sivart, a white furry owl guy wearing a top hat. He tipped his hat to him and drove away.

Frank Myrth walked over to a vending machine and bought himself a granola bar. He walked inside a building and onto a stage in an auditorium. The crowd settled into their seats and the debate began.

“Those other brave do gooders will do great with helping me with my presentation. Anyone want to try?”

The words came from a rather peculiar angel, E-Gull. Tall and mighty, he was an eagle angel with powerful white and brown wings covered with eyes. He wore a white top hat on his white furry head and his suit was blue with thin horizontal purple stripes. Rummaging next to him were robotic black birds tinkering with various tools. One of the birds gave a rubber duck to an angel boy with white hair. These minions were called the Nestlings.

A couple of hands shot up.

E-Gull pushed a button and a presentation showed up on a screen titled “Heaven Economics and Invention Ideas.”

“I don’t like to fight,” E-Gull said, clearing his throat, “and I’m super nervous up here…”

The Nestlings nudged him in support.

Frank Myrth rolled his eyes at his cowardly opponent eagle who then yelped, “Don’t look at me like that!”

“Heaven doesn’t need any future technology,” Frank Myrth argued as he stepped to his podium, “because we already have better things: friendships, food, and fun.”

E-Gull glanced down nervously at his note cards and read from them. “At this rate I will persuade the entire East end of Holy City by night’s beginning. Or was it day’s end? And nothing, not a single beauty in this paradise of bliss, will be able to change my mind or escape the constrictive grasp of persuasive argumentation.”

“Heaven will be ours, though it’s mine in my mind. And everybody will know the name of…”

“Bald Dud,” said a female voice.

“W-who said that?” E-Gull asked.

“You ready for a debate, old man?”

The voice belonged to Berri Blossom. She was a tall cyclops with dark skin, with a single green eye with a black cross in the center. She wore a long dark green dress and white high-heeled shoes. Her black skin was decorated in some areas near her shoulders with tiny teal specks. Her long hair was curly, blue at the top and black near the bottom. She pushed her thin dark rimmed glasses up to her face, looking at her organized set of notes in front of her.

She walked over beside her academic partner Frank Myrth. “Why don’t you play with your tinker toys somewhere else while I go over the logistics of divine law school?” She looked professional and poised. “For my presentation: Seven Reasons Why Heavenly Traditions Never Fail.”

“You want to go, madam?” E-Gull asked, a spark of rebellion in him. He fiddled with a few gadgets before the well-dressed Nestlings chirped at him on to continue. He flapped his wings a bit. “Well, let the battle for tenure and status begin!”

A neon logo appeared on the screen, saying “777 News” surrounded by a halo. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

“Good afternoon, Holy City!” smiled a pale woman with short black hair, wearing a light blue dress. “I’m Catie Carejoy!”

“And I’m Ron Wrench!” said the man next to her, wearing a business suit and who had two wrenches for hands.

 After discussing the weather, various humane societies, and legends on Earth, Catie Carejoy continued, “The debate battle is underway between inventor E-Gull and professional economics expert Berri Blossom. Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of His Majesty King Hesperius, who’s here to discuss her brand-new passion-project! All that and more after the break!”

Inside the break room, Phalla the romantic butterfly angel adjusted my white bow tie. Nearby, a blue tinted sign read “No smoking.” Another sign read “In The Air” in large letters.

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Phalla asked.

“Yes, I’m ready,” I stated.

Phalla brushed her long black hair from her face. She had light gray skin, curly black hair with gray outlines and two large light blue eyes, her right one covered by a teal green heart. She had a matching teal green butterfly bow in her hair and a teal green shirt with a white collar and white buttons. She wore a white collar and a black Christian Cross necklace. Her skirt was white, just reaching her white leggings with black lace on top and she had black pointed shoes.

She was ever the girly romantic, always chasing after men and not having a violent bone in her body. Some claim that Phalla’s name is a nickname for “penis” since, you know. She makes for a good friend and an even better servant.

“Oh, this is gonna be great!” Phalla squealed happily. “How about you make your speech sound more exciting?”

“Come on, Phalla, I know what I’m going to say,” I scoffed, crossing her arms.

Phalla walked over to the pitcher of ambrosia punch on the table. Pub and Chub ate bagels from the table. Phalla got an idea. “Oh! What if you…”

“Sing a song about it?” I asked, with a roll of her eyes. “I’m not going to. This is serious!” I curled her hand into a fist and brought it down on the palm of her other hand. “They won’t take me seriously if I start belting out some random pop song. Life isn’t a musical.”

“But neither is it an emo tragedy,” Phalla pointed out. “Life is great, especially with all the cute guys around.” Her eye shined.

“Romance, bleh,” I made a face and Phalla giggled.

“Hey,” Phalla brightened, pulling out a piece of paper. “I have some ideas about what you could say.” She bounced up and down. “The highlighted bits are the best parts!”

“They’re all highlighted,” I replied, scanning the paper. I narrowed my eyes. “You call your childish drawing your ideas for me?”

“Sure!” Phalla said. “Look here.” It showed a list of different terms “Sinners = Winners” “Misunderstood are still good” and “demons and angels party between worlds!” Skulls were lined up at the bottom of the page: “we’re all connected by death.”

“Say, that’s actually pretty good!” I said sarcastically with a smile of sharp teeth.

“Thanks!” Phalla beamed.

I snatched the piece of paper from her and tore it in half, much to her shock. “But you should know my ideas are always better.” I tossed the pieces of paper aside, gave a salute and walked out the door.

Catie Carejoy waved with a smile. “Hi. I’m Catie Carejoy.” She held out her hand, but I didn’t take it, instead remarking, “You can put that away. I don’t touch commoners, I have standards.” Catie Carejoy looked stunned, pulling her hand back. “So, this project of yours, when did you come up with this idea of creating a hotel in order to…break the law as the rumors say?”

The angel crew murmured nervously.

“I’m gonna keep this short,” I said as I walked over to the desk. “You might think my idea doesn’t hold water, but that doesn’t matter to me. I’m too influential to give a flying feather about what some stuffy old news lady thinks of my proposal.”

The crowd gasped. Ron Wrench shook his head.

“Well, if you can’t take constructive criticism and be polite…”

“…and we’re live!” called a voice as a buzzer sounded.

“And we’re back!” Catie Carejoy said, rushing over into her seat. “So, Carrie…”

“It’s Princess Coerciona Vespar,” I spat, sitting in a chair beside her and Ron Wrench.

“Sorry. So, tell us about your so called passion project.”

I took a deep breath. “As most of you know, I was born here in Heaven, and growing up, I���ve always tried to see the good in everything around me. But recently, I don’t believe that’s always the case. We just completed another Extermination...erm Cleansing. So many sinful souls lost but for what reason? God said in the Commandments “thou shall not kill,” yet killing random people is okay in both Hells? I know I like the thought of the evil Sinners getting destroyed, but I often forget there are innocent people down there, too. If we can’t even trust ourselves with our actions and thoughts, is Heaven truly paradise? Not to mention that ever since Lucifer and Lilith betrayed Him, we don’t know who to really trust. Some people are given too many chances!” I pounded my fist on the desk, startling Catie carejoy.

I stood up and made my way forward. “No one is truly flawless. Mistakes are made, but we get blamed for doing things we sometimes enjoy. Sex, drugs, partying, swearing, even violence. All because we don’t live up to impossible standards imposed upon us, both here and on Earth! I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such lies and propaganda! So, I’ve been thinking…isn’t there a more liberating way to hinder forced compliance here in Heaven? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to express change through…recreation? While still Cleaning those in Hell, of course. And preferably eliminating evil demons once and for all?”

The angels talked quietly amongst themselves. Phalla nodded in appreciation.

“Well, I think yes,” I continued. “So that’s what this project aims to achieve.” I walked back to the desk and sat down. “Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind, a hotel that encourages moderate amounts of so-called sin!” I spread out my arms.

The audience stared in stunned silence. Many of the adults were shaking their heads.

“Who is that girl?” asked a dragon watching from inside a soup kitchen. “What’s her deal with trying to cause more trouble for this world?”

“She’s nuts!” added another angel with an eagle’s head and wings, wearing a suit.

I added nervously while still trying to keep a glare, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place to work toward self-expression. Yay.”

Among the crowd of angels watching the news outside, a tall man with a thin pale face stood toward the back. He wore a light blue dress suit, had blue and white hair, fluffy dog ears, and large blue eyes. His white wings were folded behind him. He watched the program with a look of worry. A dog creature made of light appeared beside him. A sign posted on the wall showing the same man as a DJ read: “Counseling and good times with the Techno Angel!”

A camera man shook his head at me. Phalla walked up to him and pleaded, “Please give her a chance.”

I sighed. “Look, I know every single one of you has insecurities and issues that need not be bottled up. If you could just embrace those sides of yourselves…”

I then smirked. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you.”

Phalla clapped her hands and “ooohed” in excitement as Rub and Chub got the electric guitar ready.

I barred a pair of sharp white teeth and black curved horns emerged from my head. My black feathery wings spread out from my back and an X appeared over my right eye. A harpoon appeared in my right hand and a spiked halo appeared over my head. I was in her dark angelic Exorcist form, a handy costume look I often use for my shows. I posed over the desk and began.

(“Inside of Every Angel is a Sinner”)

 “I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a fantastic mind-blowing hotel

One of a kind, go and yell

A great place to dwell

Catering to specific clientele”

*Guitar starts and scream vocals*

“Inside of every angel is a Sinner

Inside of every do-gooder is a beast

Inside of every jolly go-lucky mentality

Is a subconscious portion we know the least”

“Resist all the rules

You’re not passive fools!

With just a little time

Down at the Hazbin Hotel!”

“So all you rescuers, priests, and heroes

Gifted athletes, jocks, and cheerios

And the sheep citizens, relief is here!

All of you angels, leaders, and stars

Traditionalists with fancy cars

And the activists on Mars

Show no fear

No taboos, no laws

Embrace your flaws

You’ll be truly free

Check in with me

It’s the right path, you’ll see”

“There’ll be no more pressure

And no more status quo

Just friendship, fun, and endless bags of dough

Establishment put to rest

You’ll be like, “Yes!”

In the tunnel of darkness you’ll go!”

“So all your hierarchies, GMOs, politics, and isms

Lectures, labor standards, and diamond studded prisms

Ancient Indian elitisms

All must die”

“All you fantasizers, artists, servers, and lords

Spoiled children, winners of awards

Imposers of chores

Face your fears!”

“Be who you are

And you’ll go so far

Our service will raise the bar

You’ll be the star

Come from near or afar at the Hazbin Hotel!

Yeah!”

I finished with a pose.

“Wow,” said an angel in a top hat. “That was…alright.”

The crowd clapped half-heartedly.

Catie Carejoy shook her head. “What in the Nine Levels of Heaven makes you think a single denizen of Heaven would give two feathers about becoming a sinful person? You have no proof that your little experiment even works! You want people to disobey God and the rules just…because?!”

I lifted up my head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause.”

“And who might that be?” Catie Carejoy asked.

“Oh, just someone named…Frank Myrth.”

“The grumpy old dragonfly?” asked Ron Wrench.

“He’s not old,” argued Catie Carejoy. “He just acts older than he is.”

“Anyway,” said Catie Carejoy. “You couldn’t even get that guy to do something bad, even if a gun was pointed at his head.”

“Oh, I beg to differ,” I argued. “He’s been troubled, dirty, and having conflicted thoughts for two weeks now.”

“Breaking news!” called a voice as the screen changed to a recent debate shown in a building.

The news came on, detailing Frank Myrth and his recent TED talk about the 7 Heavenly Virtues.

“Well, it looks like the one discussing the Heavenly Virtues is none other than…conservative Frank Myrth! What a coincidence!”

She and Ron did a “ratings!” and jazz hands.

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m sorry to say, but it looks like your plan’s departed on arrival,” said Catie Carejoy. “If you were smart, you would cease this rebellious club and embrace the way things are done here. I hope you learned a good lesson.”

My eyes twitched, her teeth barred. “Lesson?! I’ll teach you a lesson, b*tch!”  We fought fist and claw on the desk. Ron Wrench called for security.

After I was kicked out, Phalla followed me wordlessly to the white limo. Frank Myrth, Phalla, and I rode back to the hotel.

0 0 0

Frank Myrth lounged in the far seat, wearing an outfit of black with green stripes and green gloves on his four hands.

“Frank,” said Phalla with concern. “I know you were trying to do good by doing your professional speech. But could you please try not to help society in public? Now people won’t believe us when Coercia says that people are free to express their earthly desires.”

“I’m sorry Phalla,” said Frank from the other seat, “But I have a reputation to keep up. Helping the greater good is His plan for all of us. Besides, a good professional debate is a reasonable form of self-expression right?”

“Not to everyone,” said Phalla. “What about the hotel? People are thinking that you don’t care about Coercia’s project at all.”

“I do care, senorita,” said Frank. “Sort of. I just don’t think it’s going to be easy to accomplish in such a short time. So many angels are fixated on tradition, myself included.”

“I do appreciate all of your help,” I said, still fuming after the interview, arms crossed. “But I will make this project work, even if I have to do it myself.”

The white limo pulled up in front of the hotel, a pristine building made of glass and marble. The group got out of the car and stepped inside.

White wings made of rainbow scales posed as part of the structure on the roof. The stained-glass windows by the door were decorated with apples, a tree of life, and many shades of blue and green. The sign above read “Hazbin Hotel” in big letters on the roof. Inside the lobby, a painting of Adam reaching toward God was displayed on the high ceiling. The hotel had seven floors with seven rooms on each floor. A bowl of blue berries and blue raspberries sat on a table below a welcome banner. Phalla rested on a couch while Frank Myrth munched on a granola bar.

“It’s probably a good idea to stock up some more food in this place,” said Frank Myrth. “Good or bad, people always seem to be greedy when they’re hungry.”

Frank Myrth pulled out a chart and went over probabilities and graphs regarding the hotel and the potential number of visitors. I sighed and walked away toward the door. I went outside and took out my cell phone, calling my mother.

“Carol cakes!” called Evanna through the phone. I cringed.

“Mom, I told you not to call me that! I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” she said with a giggle. “How was the interview?”

“Meh. It was alright. I proposed my idea, but nobody seemed to buy it.”

Evanna’s tone turned more serious. “Coercia, why do you insist that everyone must go down to that horrible place? Why can’t you just see the good in people?”

“Because,” I said, “Everyone has flaws and they don’t realize it. Also, I didn’t say that people should go to Hell. I said that we should truly be able to do what we want in Heaven.”

“Yes, but that also applies to you, too. Before you get involved with the lives of others, you need to look inside and critique yourself.”

“I’m a princess. Everyone else has more flaws than I do.”

Evanna let out a long sigh. “Young lady, we’ve been through this I don’t know how many times. You have to push your selfish thoughts aside and just accept the way things are. It’s part of a higher purpose.”

“And what is this “higher purpose” anyway? To be His flock of dazed sheep, dancing around without any care in the world? To not experience ecstasy and adventure, even for just a moment?”

“That stuff is dangerous and forbidden. Thousands of souls would do anything to get up to this level of Heaven. And you just want to throw your life away? You’re lucky you’re not those Sinner slave sin Hell! Or those gay furries in Hazbin Heaven.”

“At least those Sinners in Hazbin Hell, disgusting as they are, get to do what they want.”

“You have delusions of what entertainment and happiness is, Carol. Sometimes, you need to take the time and appreciate the beauty that’s in front of you.”

“Other than my own refection, I don’t really see beauty in many other things. Well, heavy metal and watching battles…oh and watching Sinners beg for their last breaths…”

“You have a lot to learn, dear daughter,” Evanna replied. “I’ll leave you alone to think about it.”

“Whatever.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

 I hung up and went back inside, shutting the door behind me. I leaned against the door frame, closing my eyes in frustration…trying to hold back a stream of tears from the stress.

Just then, there was a knock on the door. Two knocks, four knocks, then a last one. “Shave and a Haircut” backwards. I turned around with a sigh to answer it. I swung the stained-glass door open. From outside stood a tall slender man with a pale light gray face, wearing a light blue pinstriped dress coat. A white upward cross was part of the design on his light blue undershirt. He was carrying a modern microphone atop a staff in his left hand. He had light blue and white dog ears near his light blue hair. His suit was light blue with dark blue horizontal stripes, a white Christian Cross design on his blue undershirt. He had white angel wings, a white halo, white pants, pointed white boots with blue tips and a strange blue furry tail. His eyes were big, blue and sad, a blue monocle under his left eye.

What a clown!

“Hi, excuse me…” he spoke quietly. “Is this…”

I slammed the door in his face.

I opened it again.

“…the right address?” finished the man.

“No!” I shouted, slamming it again.

“Hey Phalla!” I called.

“What?” her friend asked.

“The crybaby Dog Man is at the door!”

“What?!” she asked, blushes appearing on her cheeks.

“Who?” asked Frank Myrth.

“What should I do?”

“Well…let him in!” Phalla cried, eye shining.

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. I sighed and opened the door again.

“May I talk now?” the man asked in a radio voice.

“Sure, whatever.”

The man held out a white gloved four-fingered hand. “Stalaro, it’s a pleasure to meet you, miss.” He walked in. Worry was etched on his face. “I saw your interview on the picture show and I was worried sick! I was afraid you were never coming back after your argument. Why I haven’t been that upset since the 1929 Stock Market Crash!” He sniffed, “So many poor orphans…”

“Hello there!” Phalla called with a smile, staring up and walking in front of him. She greeted in Spanish. “I’m so glad you’re here to help out my friend with this new hotel! I’m a big fan of yours and just being in your presence is just…” She swooned. “Oh just take me already you cute, pompous, talk show, blueberry pimp lord!”

She embraced him and he stood stunned, his face blushing. “I do love hugs,” he whispered as she stepped back. “I bet all of you would be so nice and soft after we get to know each other for a while…”

Phalla blushed while Frank Myrth and I made disgusted faces.

“A blowjob for you, gray fellow?” Stalaro asked Frank Myrth with a bow.

 “Not gonna happen, creep,” Frank Myrth spat.

Stalaro gave a nervous laugh and popped a strawberry and blueberry into his mouth.

“I don’t trust him,” I said.

“Me neither,” Frank Myrth agreed.

“You’re not gonna cling to us are you?” Phallas asked. “Or, you know…”

 “Dear, if I wanted to screw anyone here…I would’ve done so already.”

Stalaro tilted his head. His blue eyes briefly glowed with blue upside down radio dials in them. Electricity sparked around cyan colored voodoo symbols in the air. His eyes filled with tears, tears spilling down his pale gray cheeks.

Phalla watched in bliss, while Frank Myrth and I rolled their eyes at the show-off.

Stalaro shook his head and his eyes returned to normal blue.

“No, I’m here because I want to relax and help out.”

“Say what?” I asked, eyebrow raised.

Stalaro held up his staff which glowed blue. He said with a sad crack in his voice, “Goodbye, is this thing off?”

He tapped it. A blue sad looking eye appeared in the center of the microphone. It spoke in a mechanical voice. “You’re silent, quiet and unclear!”

“That’s your motivation motto every day?” Frank Myrth asked, crossing his four arms. “Pathetic!”

“Tragic and mysterious, I love it!” Phalla squealed. “It’s like the opposite of announcing. It’s…denouncing.”

Frank Myrth elbowed her. “Hun, could you not get attracted to every other man you see?  I’m your boyfriend.”

“I can’t help it, love!” she cried. “I just get so distracted easily.”

 “Um…you want to help?” I asked, suddenly curious.

Stalaro appeared behind us after morphing into light.

“With…” he spoke in her growl then his normal shy sounding voice, “…this random thing you’re trying to do. This hotel. I want to help you run it, if that’s okay.”

“Uh…why?”

Stalaro choked a bit on his words. “Why doesn’t anyone do anything? Sheer absolute lethargy! I’ve been partying around and keeping busy for decades. I would like to do something more relaxing and easier.”

“A sad wimp like you at parties?” I asked.

“I’m a pretty good actor,” he replied. My work became overwhelming, lacking focus. I’ve come to crave a new form of disengagement!”

I rolled my eyes. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as disengagement?”

“No,” Stalaro said. “It’s violent and messy, not really my thing. Life is truly strange…reality, fantasy, true tragedy. After all the world is a grave, and the grave is a world of disengagement!”

“You’re a f*cking disengagement,” I retorted just as Frank Myrth warned, “No swearing!”

Then I brightened a bit. “So, does this mean you think it’s possible to taint an angel? You know the selfish angels who deserve a kick in their ass? That life is meaningless without your own self to temporarily control it?”

Stalaro sniffed and held up a hand. “Who knows? Anything’s possible. Sinning, oh the vice of humanity! Oh, but I think there’s plenty left that can change such marvelous saints. But then again, the chance that was given to them was the life they lived before. The reward is this!” He spread out his arms. “According to God, there’s no undoing what is done…or at least that’s the way it should be.”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t fully believe in my cause?” I asked.

Stalaro turned around to look at her. “Consider it an investment in ongoing knowledge for myself and others.” He let out a small smile. “I want to watch the blessed of this world struggle to give into temptation, only to repeatedly realize and raise themselves up the golden ladder of success!” His eyes glowed blue.

“Right…” I began. “Boring.”

“Yes indeed,” Stalaro said, both of us walking off to the side. “I see you taking risks and who better to keep you grounded than I.”

“Ah, so what’s the deal with Mr. Frown over there?” Frank Myrth asked.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him before?” Phalla asked. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Frank Myrth shrugged his shoulders.

“The Techno Angel, one of the most complex beings Heaven has ever seen?”

“Eh, I’m not too big on people.”

Phalla sighed and leaned in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Stalaro manifested in Heaven, seemingly in one day. He began to catch the attention of Lordships and Archangels who had kept to themselves for centuries. That kind of attraction and magic power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his adventures all throughout Heaven just so everyone could experience some joy, tragedy, and emotions. Saints starting calling him the Techno Angel, (as unoriginal as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and constructive heroes. But one thing’s for sure: he’s an unpredictable source of silliness, a depressed spirit of mystery and a loving being of order…or disorder, the likes of which we can get involved in, especially if we want to end up aroused!”

“You done?” Frank Myrth asked. “He looks like a blueberry businessman. Or a shady con-man. Either way, you’re delusional.”

“Well, I trust him completely!”

“Do you blindly trust any man? All men?”

Phalla skipped over to me. Stalaro examined a family portrait of Hesperius, Evanna and a young me in the center. I wore a white dress with a turquoise top to it. My hair was jet black, braided in black barbed wire, my cheeks had teal blushes. Evanna had long black hair and wore a fancy white dress and a round gold crown.  Hesperius was dressed in a dress suit of white and blue, with blue and black stripes in the center below a white bow tie. He wore a large light gray top hat with a dove and a green apple on it. His cane also had a green apple on the top. Both of them were smiling, showing rows of sharp teeth, white wings folded behind them.

Phalla looked excited as she explained. “Coercia, listen to me, you can believe this dreamer. He isn’t just a sad face. He’s a miracle maker, pure good! But… don’t count on him to believe in your cause. I suppose he could be tainted and rebel, but we don’t know that. He could very well side with God and your parents. And he’s most likely looking for a way to hinder everything we’re trying to do if it means following God’s rules. But still, give him a chance. He’s really sweet.”

“I…” I began. “…we don’t know that. Make up your mind. Whose side are you on, anyway? Is he a rebel or another boring elite? I’ll tell you. He’s a crying b*tch, and he probably doesn’t want to change.”

Phalla put her hands on my shoulders.

“The whole point of your hotel is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better and people can embrace their flaws, their true selves! How can you turn someone away? You can’t. It goes against everything you’re trying to do. Everything you believe in.”

I looked downcast. She had a good point. I hated when people made good arguments against me.

“Just take care of yourself,” I said.

“Coercia,” warned Phalla, “Unless you are serious about responsibility, do not make a promise with him!”

Demons often made deals with each other that often resulted in gaining power at the cost of one’s soul or freedom. Usually the one who initiated the deal would gain advantage. A demonic deal was bad in and of itself. Breaking an angelic promise could result in rejection, eternal torture, and damnation.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I learned one thing from my dad.” I mimicked his low voice, “Ya don’t break trust with other angels!”

I marched over to the Techno Angel.

“Ok Mr. Dog-face... You’re prissy as f*ck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a too-dangerous risk. But I don’t.”

Glowing blue symbols briefly appeared around a concerned Stalaro, then vanished.

I continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be themselves. After all, it’s in their nature and the sooner they realize it, the better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition there be no lessons or lovey-dovey speeches made.”

Stalaro twirled his cane and held out his smallest finger from his right hand.

“So, it’s a promise, then?”

The room was surrounded by a pink aura as light spirits roamed around the walls. The wind blew against Phalla’s and Frank Myrth’s faces.

“Nope!” I yelled, holding out my hands. The energy stopped. “No shaking, no promises! I…hmmm…”

I paused in thought.

“As Princess of Heaven and heir to the throne, I hereby order that you help out with this hotel for as long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?”

“Fair enough,” Stalaro said with a slump of his shoulders and walked on. His cane vanished.

Stalaro stopped and spotted Phalla to the side.

Phalla went up and tickled him under the chin, much to his shock.

“Smile, dog man!” she giggled.

Stalaro walked on, speechless.

 “So…where is your hotel staff?” Stalaro asked me.

“Uh well,” I began. Stalaro peered at Phalla through his monocle below his left eye.

He stuttered. “You’re going to n-need more than that.”

Stalaro walked over to Frank Myrth, who was sitting on a stool.

“And what can I do, my business fellow?” asked Stalaro walking over to the dark dragonfly, blushing.

“You can suck a dick,” Frank Myrth retorted in a grumpy tone.

“AH! Ok,” said Stalaro, blushing and stepping back. “Can it be yours?”

“F*ck off,” Frank Myrth added, pulling out a long holy knife from his belt.

“Now who’s swearing?” I smirked at him. Frank Myrth glared.

Stalaro summoned his cane. “Well, this just won’t do. You want others to cause trouble, yes? I suppose I can cash in a few favors to deaden things up!”

He snapped his fingers and the wall beside the fireplace cracked. The circle went dark, the fire going out. Ice cold water appeared to fill in the circle and a shadowy figure solely formed inside. Stalaro walked over and removed the dripping figure from the water. A large single white eye with a teal iris was revealed.

Frank Myrth, Phalla and I peered at the creature. With a balloon deflating sound and a puff of white smoke, the figure was revealed.

“This little rascal is Klutzy!” Stalaro announced with a worried smile, dropping the figure.

A white-skinned short cyclops female landed on her face on the floor. She stood up with a grumpy look on her face. She wore a dark blue skirt with a white stray cat off to the left side. Her arms and legs were white and thin. Her shirt was black, and her large eye took up much of her pale white face. Her short hair was light blue with a dark blue spot off to the left. She had a halo and wings with eyes and icicles on the ends.

“I’m Klutzy,” she grumbled, clenching her fists. “It’s a waste of time to meet you. It’s been a while since I’ve seen strangers.”

 Her pupil narrowed from side to side.

“Why are you all men?” she asked. “Have any women here? Or video games? Screw this place.”

She briefly picked up Phalla, then let go.

“Oh man, this place is boring!” she exclaimed. She ran over to a vase and proceeded to knock it over with her elbow. It shattered to pieces on the floor. She tossed couch cushions aside.

“It really needs a more manly touch, disorganized clutter’s more fun.” She grinned as she poured dirt from a flowerpot onto the rug.

“Yes, yes, yep, yeah!” she yelled as she proceeded to break windows and knock down more stuff. Then she plopped down on a couch once the room was messy. “I’m bored. Make me some food or something.”

Phalla, Frank Myrth, and I looked on in worry, while Stalaro just stared off into space. “She has quite the temper sometimes.”

A cat angel was working on a Rubik’s cube with colleagues. His furry face was black, framed by white fur. His little top hat was white with a blue band across it. A big teal bow tie was under his neck, over his black furry chest framed by white fur. His wings were a brilliant blue, with black and red mathematical symbols on either side: the pi symbol, E = mc squared, signs for addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, among others. More symbols were visible within his two pointed ears. His teeth were sharp and purple and his long eyebrows were teal. His eyes were purple and sclera white. The angel placed a Rubik’s cube in front of him. “Ha!” he declared in triumph. Read ‘em and weep, boys! Full…whoa…”

He felt himself being transported in a flash of light to the hotel. Part of the science room that the cat had been in was merged with the hotel lobby…posters of the elements, the solar system and Biblical works of art.

“What in Heaven’s name is going on?

Then he brightened when he saw Stalaro. “You!”

“Ah, Core, my old friend,” Stalaro sniffed. “You made it.”

“Glad to see you, you son of the sun!” Core said. “I just completed my Rubik’s cube after just an hour.”

The cube vanished as Stalaro looked on.

Core raced over to Stalaro and embraced him in a side hug. The dog-like man blushed. “So, what can I help you with this time?”

Stalaro blinked nervously. “C-Can we snuggle?”

Core laughed. “I mean, seriously, why’d you bring me here? You know you’re under my contract.”

“My friend, I’m doing some dirty work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services. If that’s okay?”

“You must be joking,” Core said, laughing nervously.

“I don’t think so,” he replied.

“You thought it’d be a great idea just to pull me out of nowhere? You think I’m some kind of tragic boy?”

“Maybe,” Stalaro sighed, as crying sounds came from his microphone.

“I ain’t doing no dirty work.”

Stalaro appeared behind him. “Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to greet and critique the guests at this fine establishment.”

“That’s not dirty work at all…”

He pointed his staff off toward a stand with vegetable drinks as claps and boos sounded from his staff.

“With your grumpy cat face and love of solitude…”

Core lifted up the corners of Stalaro mouth with his paws. “Aw come on. Don’t forget to smile once in a while!”

His mouth frowned once he let go.

Stalaro walked over to the stand. “Don’t worry, my friend. I can make this more interesting…if you wish.”

He conjured up a bottle of catnip with his finger.

Core stared with wide happy eyes. “What, you think you can buy me with sad eyes and some cheap catnip? Well, you can!” He purred and took the bottle with him.

The three of us arrived.

“Yes, yes, yes!” Phalla squealed. “Brilliant idea to have healthy drinks!”

“No!” I protested. “This is supposed to be a place that encourages moderate sin! Not some kind of, frilly, Zen, child’s play garbage!”

Core noticed Frank Myrth and slid up to him. “Hey cutie,” he flirted.

“Go screw yourself,” muttered Frank Myrth.

“Only if you watch me,” Core joked. “Or more likely, Stalaro will watch you.”

I leaned in close to Core. “Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel! You are going to go insane here!” I grinned, her teeth sharp.

“We’re all mad here,” Core replied, sniffing the catnip. “You don’t scare me.”

Stalaro walked in, an ever-present frown on his face. “S-so, what do you think?”

“It’s amazing!” Phalla beamed.

Phalla leaned in close between me and Stalaro, embracing us in a hug.

“This is going to be very disengaging,” Stalaro exclaimed.

“Stop using that word,” I spat.

Dubstep sounds emitted from his mouth as he stared around with worry.

Stalaro changed his light blue suit into a dark blue funeral outfit with a matching top hat. He did the same with me, Frank Myrth, Core, Klutzy, and Phalla, who were all wearing black clothing from the early 1900s. I wore a short tan flapper dress and a round matching ladies’ hat. Klutzy and I stared at our outfits in disgust, while Frank Myrth, Core and Phalla smiled as they stared at theirs. The room changed, the walls now covered with Voodoo symbols, Christian crosses and paw prints.

“Take it boys,” Stalaro said. Light spirits appeared and played violins, a piano, and a flute in a sad symphony.

Stalaro sang his reprise to me as we did a slow dance, much to my disgust.

(“Stalaro’s lament Reprise”)

“You’re on a mission

Your innocence fell

And it’s so dangerous but hey, I wish you well

Yes your blunt protests

Will send you straight to Hell

And I can’t bear to see you banished, or your soul up to sell”

“Don’t bring your life to an end

No matter what you say, I’m still your friend

We all have our wounds to mend

And you’re vulnerable feelings are real, don’t pretend”

“Inside of every angel is love and emotion

They have values and lasting devotion (devotion to God)

While you recruit those around

Don’t be swallowed by the ground

The authorities can retrieve you tight and bound (no turning around)”

“Here above the sky

Spread your wings and fly

They’ll spend a little time

Down at this Haven Ho…”

An explosion rattled the windows. Klutzy saw a door flying toward her face and she broke it in half with a karate chop.

The room and everyone’s clothing returned to normal.

Everyone looked outside and saw a podium in the air, held up by flying robotic baby birds. A familiar eagle debater appeared.

“Look who it is harboring the annoying opponent! We meet again, Stalaro!”

“Do I know you?” Stalaro asked.

E-Gull looked taken aback.  “Oh yes, you do! Watch this presentation!”

The birds danced in the air, singing a song about E-Gull trying his best to rule Heaven. He read from notecards. “My dream is to be the best inventor…in the world. I bring joy to the young…and your hotel…may cause trouble. You all can’t compete with me. Your hotel sucks. I…shall…destroy it…with… my…”

Stalaro giggled and blushed. “Your baby weiner havor?”

E-Gull looked up from his cards in anger. “How immature!”

Stalaro snapped his fingers. A portal appeared and white tentacles shot out, knocking the podium off balance. The metal birds knocked into E-Gull, and he yelled, “Ow that hurt! Show mercy!”

Stalaro used a drop of his blood and the podium exploded in green smoke.

E-Gull emerged from the crater, wings shaking. Stalaro waved a hand, and the eagle was healed.

“Shoot me with your ray gun,” said a metal bird beside him. E-Gull rolled his eyes.

Stalaro looked on, sadly while everyone else stared, stunned.

“Anyone hungry?” Stalaro asked turning around. “Please don’t make me cook jambalaya. It’s way too spicy and it nearly killed me! I much prefer tea and sugared strawberries, oh the way they melt in my mouth… but anyway, you could say the kick brought me straight into Heaven.”

Stalaro led the way back to the hotel, the group following him.

“Yes sir, new changes are about to take place. Now…”

Stalaro waved his finger at the lit-up sign above the glass, gem-encrusted building on the roof.

The sign changed from “Hazbin Hotel” to “Haven Hotel.”

“Stay tuned.” He finished with low whimpers.

0 0 0

A week later, I stared calmly out the window of my hotel, gazing at the teal sky outside. In the distance was a golden gate similar to the one in the other Heaven and several of my Cleansers were standing guard. They had white wings with a single black stripe and wore LED masks except they were white and had no xs over the eyes. They had no horns and wore proper gold and blue armor instead of the short gray shirts and leggings the canon Exorcists wore. These fine warriors never leave their angelic weapons behind in Hell, for if they did, they’d be punished on the spot by yours truly. Their weapons can kill demons and angels alike, so we always have to be careful. Removing their masks, they looked just like regular human-like angels. If I ever met Lute, I’d teach her a thing or two.

The Exterminations still appeared to be going on in Hazbin Hell. Our angelic council often sends us news about what goes on in the canon worlds just to keep us prepared. It’s incredibly hard to enter the canon universe and if we get killed there, it’s double death. That also means the canon characters can’t get killed if they come to our universe…lucky freaks.

The white angelic key in front of me morphed into my handy white dog bodyguard, a creature with sharp pointed ears, sharp teeth, small wings, and eyes along his back. I nicknamed him “EekEek,” because he can shoot fire from his mouth when provoked. I patted him on the head before he scurried off from a knock on the door. The door opened and Phalla came in.

Phalla was my closest servant, a ditzy romantic kind of lady. She had long black curly hair with a gray outline, a teal heart over her right eye (both her eyes were fine, it was just for show), and wore a teal-green shirt with white buttons, a white collar, and a Christian Cross necklace. She had a white collar around her neck. Her skirt was white as were her leggings and she wore black shoes. A teal butterfly bowtie was in her hair near her halo. Uniquely, she had butterfly wings with eyes and white angel feathers in them.

I don’t even know her real name but apparently “Phalla” relates to “penis” due to how much she lusts after men. Unlike her, I choose my men wisely and don’t let others choose my name out of mockery. I mean, why didn’t Vaggie switch her vagina name after being with her Adam? Pathetic.

“Princess Coercia?”

“Come in.”

Phalla stepped forward. “Great to see you again, your majesty.”

I turned. “We still have our clients?”

“Yeah, they’re downstairs. You thinking about anything?”

“Family stuff, I guess.”

“Did you hear from your mom yet?”

I smiled. “She talked to me yesterday. Said I was bold to start this hotel project, but she’d support it if it makes more of our people happy.”

“And your dad?”

I sighed. “Too busy as always. Still doesn’t like my idea. Says I’m breaking too many of Heaven’s bulls**t rules.”

“No need to swear all the time,” Phalla chided.

“Swearing is caring,” I smirked.

“Sometimes I think you’d fit better with those edgy demons in Hazbin Hell.”

I scoffed. “At least as a kid, I was brave enough to try a few drops of forbidden fruit in the garden when my parents weren’t looking. Made my wings black and sharpened my free will instincts. Drove them crazy. Why they didn’t have anyone guarding that tree and preventing Roo’s escape even in our world is beyond me.”

Phalla chuckled. “Frank Myrth is cute.”

“What?” I rolled my eyes.

“He is, though. Totally against drugs and porn and all that. And those cute dragonfly wings he has.”

“Whatever. My angel wings are the best there is, and they aren’t even white. Now let’s go get started on our hotel commercial.”

“Our commercial has no chance of being recognized here; even less in the canon worlds…”

“I’ll take my chances,” I said.

The church bells tolled happily from outside as I followed Phalla downstairs.

0 0 0

The television screen later showed my commercial for the Haven Hotel. It first showed two angels with white wings looking bored on a cloud. One had his head on his hand, and another was absentmindedly strumming a small harp.

I began. “Hello there ordinary Saints! Are you tired of following the same rules over and over again? Are Bible study lectures, sermons, and community charities not enough for you? Do you still like to help others? Of course, you do, that’s why you’re in Heaven! But what if I told you there was a place where you could experience true freedom?”

The scene shifted to show a large building made of marble in the sky. A white winged key with a gold eye in the center served as the front piece and the double front doors were golden. The walls were decorated with small sapphires in diamond shapes. The top sign on the roof read in lights: “HAVEN HOTEL.” Off to the left side, attached to the building, was a blue tower which housed a small studio for the angel Stalaro, complete with a dancing pole and a dubstep stereo inside. The lawn in front had golden grass and a Christian Cross on it.

“Welcome to the Haven Hotel,” I announced, “Your path to freedom and safety…founded not too long ago by yours truly, Princess Coerciona Vespar!” I posed with rocker signs and a black crown on my head. “Come place your fate in my hands, and discover your true self, as long as you follow my every command!” The slides showed a drawing of me posing on a golden podium while white-winged subjects prostrated themselves before me. Pub and Chub looked like large butler babies with black wings and thick arrows in their hands as they opened the doors. Above the mantle in the parlor room showed a portrait of me holding a spear and above that was the glowing blue sigil of Archangel Michael. EekEek slept under an onyx table near two blue couches, the frames decorated with eyes. The light fixtures had the appearances of doves and the light blue wallpaper had Hesperius’ royal symbols on it: a dove surrounded by six white wings.

“Look at this gorgeous parlor! And check out our new resident…Frank Myrth, I think his name is.”

Frank Myrth did a small wave before continuing his protection business on a computer. He wore a black suit with teal green vertical stripes, long teal-green gloves, and a white bowtie with a teal center. His right eye was black, and his left eye was white with a blue-green iris. He had white fur like Angel Dust, but he also had four dragonfly wings with eyes on them and white angel feathers. He also wore long white boots.

“We have the best rooms, cleaned by our maid, Klutzy. Hey, Ice Girl!”

A small cyclops turned around and blushed. She had one large blue eye, white skin, short light blue hair with a dark blue streak in it and a halo over her head. She wore a black shirt and a blue dress with a white cat design on it. Her thin arms and legs were white. She was eating a hamburger while a lady model magazine and a video game controller were by her side.

“Are you being messy and lazy again?”

“No?” she asked with a yawn. Icicles briefly hung from her white wings.

“Shouldn’t you get to work so more people can come in and adore my hotel?”

“Well, I was gonna keep playing ‘Slay That Demon,’ but…I guess if it’s for you…just don’t invite any men!”

She slouched and got to work.

“Gotta love that gal!” I chuckled.

“And let’s not forget our bartender of mostly non-alcoholic drinks, Core!”

A tall white cat grinned widely as he folded his hands in prayer. A Bible was next to him on the counter. He had large white wings with lots of eyes and a teal-green stripe with white small Christian Crosses along it. He wore a white top hat with a black Christian Cross and a black Christian Cross necklace. His eyebrows were long and teal with small white stripes on the ends. He wore all white clothing and his tail had blue and green scales on it.

“Welcome to the Haven Hotel, may I interest you in our tenants and the wonderous teachings of Jesus?”

“Hey, you’re not Core!” Phalla exclaimed.

“No,” he replied. “I’m his twin brother Leeson. Core’s doing sacred geometry at a university.”

Phalla facepalmed.

I scoffed. “I don’t even know what his deal is. Creep.”

The camera moved and a frightened bark sounded.

“Oh yeah, let’s not forget the d**k-loving coward, Stalaro! Say hello, loser!”

The blue dog angel frowned at the camera. He wore a light blue suit with navy blue horizontal stripes and a white bowtie. His undershirt was blue with a white Christian Cross design in the center. He had a halo and white angel wings, white pants, light blue sleeves, and white shoes with blue tips. His blue monocle was under his left eye. His two large blue eyes were usually filled with sadness. He carried a magic white microphone with angel wings at the top and a square blue speaker with a white pawprint in the center. He had a gray face and thick blue hair with white tips at the bottom. Finally, he had a thick furry tail in various shades of blue and two large blue and white dog ears.

“This freak likes sweets, dubstep music, light magic, and looking at nude men. He’s always worried about something.” I smirked. “Hey, Stalaro, fetch me some water!”

Stalaro gulped and ran from the room, appearing later with a glass of water. “H-here you go, your majesty!”

“Thank you,” I said. “He’s a great servant, such a coward!”

“P-please don’t be mean!” Phalla called from nearby.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of…” I began as the camera shifted to a shot of the hotel again. “All this and more at the Haven Hotel! Your path to greatness starts here!” The words on the screen read in bold blue, “CALL NOW! PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW OF FIVE STARS OR MORE…unless you’d like to volunteer for target practice!”

I turned off the TV, turned around and smiled. “So, what you do think?!”

Phalla and Stalaro sat dumbfounded on the blue couch.

“Um…” Phalla began, “I don’t really know what that was…”

“Only the best, right?” I grinned.

Phalla began. “One note, Coercia, thank you for so much for making this…seriously amazing…but, maybe the tone is a bit…off…”

I narrowed my eyes.

“We want people to come here,” Phalla said, “And you come across as…um…”

“Selfish,” Stalaro stuttered. “That’s the word.”

“Oh really?” I inquired, pacing back and forth. “I was going for amazing! It’s my hotel, after all.”

“Well not everyone is going to want to serve you right and left,” said Phalla. “There may be royals that come here, too, and you of all people should know when to treat those with respect.”

“As long as they do so for me first,” I said.

“They’ll be freaked out at your…appearance,” Stalaro said. “You aren’t exactly…”

I glanced at my wings. “Bubbly and loving? That’s the point,” I said.

“We’re also part of this team,” Phalla said. “We need to work together, it’s not all about you.”

“Well,” I shrugged, getting an idea. “I suppose if you all want to be at the forefront, I can relax with a Bloody Mother Mary instead.”

Phalla glared at me. Frank Myrth raised his hand.

“Yes?” Phalla asked, blushing at him. Frank Myrth blushed too.

“If you guys are filing a commercial, perhaps we can also discuss our earthly accomplishments, to peak up interests?”

“Your former anti-mafia police career on Earth was fine, but that’s off topic,” Phalla mentioned.

Frank Myrth shrugged. “Just thought I’d throw that out there. Haven Hotel could be a safe place to share past lives.”

“Only if you’re a Saint,” Coercia said. “We need more inclusion.”

“Says the only Heavenborn here,” Leeson mentioned. “I’m surprised that this place isn’t only for Saints.”

I bared my teeth. “It’s for any angel who wants safety from the Satanics. They could attack at any time.”

“So…Satanics can harm any angel, not just Sinners?” asked Klutzy.

“If you’re an Archangel, canon Hazbin character or mythical figure, you’re immune to them,” said Leeson. “Yes, that means you’re vulnerable, too, Coercia.”

I had to admit it was true, but I wanted to strangle that cat in the hat so bad.

Leeson continued. “Also, I believe the Hazbin Exorcists have killed Hellborn demons on the side, not just Sinners.”

“Not surprised,” I said.

“Would you kick angels out into the Satanics if they didn’t follow your rules?” Phalla asked.

I glared. “Depends.”

“A Heavenborn royal willing to let someone be turned into a filthy Sinner just for not obeying you? How low,” Leeson snapped.

“You want me to rip your whiskers off, pussy?” I seethed. “I love you and your philosophies, but go too extreme right and…”

“You’re just an extreme left away from the demons,” Leeson retorted.

“Then why are you even here at this place of freedom? I’m only against the bad Christian bias, not the good parts of it. I’m all for Jesus and love and all that…I just hate it when some people are so stubborn that they get lost in their beliefs and boss others around.”

Leeson snickered. “Ego issues much, hypocrite?”

“Both of you are equally annoying,” Klutzy mentioned. “All I need is some cold, slowness and quiet.” With a glare, she slurped frozen golden ambrosia from a cup with a straw, ignoring the food stains on her dress.

“You’ll get it soon, slob,” Leeson spat. “You’re the epitome of gluttony and sloth.”

“I guess not even angels are perfect,” Phalla added.

“What are you talking about? Angels don’t make mistakes,” I stated.

“Yeah, Hazbin Adam and Lute believed that but look what Lucifer did that got him where he is now,” Stalaro said.

“Good point,” I conceded with a sigh.

Stalaro cleared his throat and did a small smile. “Uh…princess, do you think you could film me snuggling with Frank Myrth? You know, to show this place has love and happiness in it? For those who may secretly like the more…intimate things?”

“I don’t think so,” Frank Myrth made a disgusted face. Stalaro whined glumly. “Okay, then.” Stalaro knew better than to ask Core later…he was under him in a divine contract. Core didn’t have his soul, but Core could ask him to do divine favors on occasion.

“Could I snuggle with you?” Phalla smiled at Frank Myrth.

“Please do,” Frank Myrth grinned in return.

“Get a room, freaks,” I rolled my eyes.

Just then, my cell phone rang with a ringtone of demon screams. “I’ll be back,” I said. I walked off to the side and answered it. “Hello Mother, how are you?”

My face fell and a scowl appeared. “Wait, what? He said that…oh come on! Okay, I’ll be right there.” I hung up.

“What’s going on?” Phalla asked.

“My mother called. She said that Adam…our Adam wants to meet me. Says that my hatred of demons is too strong and to be more ‘harmonious toward others.’ Give me a break.”

“When’s the meeting?”

“Today.” My eyes brightened. “Oh, I know! I will pitch my hotel idea and then I’ll pitch an idea to move the Extermination up six months instead of a year!”

“In our Hell or Hazbin Hell?”

“Both!” I grinned.

“Hazbin Adam already did that,” Phalla mentioned.

“No, he didn’t,” I said.

“As reverse denizens created after the canon characters, we can receive information about the future events of the Hazbin world, provided we don’t interfere.”

“Your talk is nonsense, Phalla! Protecting Heaven is my job!”

“But slaying Sinners in our Hell is very dangerous. It’s not like they just run away and scream; they actually fight back! It’s the reason the Cleansers only do it once a year! To end those suffering for long periods of time and to potentially choose others for Purgatory.”

“Then perhaps I need to train my warriors harder!” I raised my fist. “Find a way to eliminate all the Sinners so they don’t decide to become Satanics and invade our world like they’ve been doing for who knows how long! Never just once a year…they’ve come at such random times!”

“There’s way too many of them,” Phalla warned. “Satanics train for years and they are often regular demons. And besides, Sinners are already being punished by the Seven Deadly Sins until they can try again in Purgatory and on Earth again. That’s how it works.”

“I can see why Hazbin Heaven was so worried about a demon uprising,” Leeson added. “But they would have better reason for an Extermination if the Satanics were also there and if Roo was a confirmed threat.”

“Very true,” I finished. “But it’s not as much fun when I don’t get to be the one that does it,” I grumbled.

“You know you can’t go down there without permission from your parents and the Archangels. Once a year is enough in my opinion.”

“Says you,” I muttered in disappointment. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the meeting and to declare how much I hate this place.”

“I thought you loved your people,” Phalla said. “And I thought you would go out and sing!”

“I do…” I replied, adjusting my black pointed crown, “…if they don’t get in my way. And singing? Um…I guess I’ll do…’Just Another Crappy Day in Heaven’…ugh, I can’t make things up on the spot…”

Phalla groaned as I stormed off.

(I’m not one for cheesy musicals unless they are epic rock solos. I didn’t even bring my electric guitar with me! So, I’ll just skip my embarrassing yelling and swearing and shoving angels around as I made my way to a golden Heaven Embassy building. Maybe I’ll write the song before a concert or something.)

0 0 0

The meeting with Adam and Jesus went about as well as you’d expect…utter crap. And Jesus mostly just stood there as a holograph, listening to me and Adam debate.

“Coercia,” said Adam as he sat in a chair across from me at a round light blue table with high backed light blue chairs. We were in a small meeting room, a similar one that Charlie, Adam and Lute met in. It had blue Egyptian-fan wallpaper, stained glass windows of Christian Crosses, a few seats, a globe with angel wings on it. It had more stained-glass window designs of an Ophanim shooting rays down toward flames. There were even Exorcist sculptures protruding from the walls. Indeed, we were at one of the many golden Heaven Embassy buildings. Adam had short brown/black hair, a goatee, and white skin, looking just like his Hazbin counterpart. He even wore the same outfit with the “A” in the center of his white and golden robe. He had a golden halo and golden angel wings. He even had a matching golden harp-shaped guitar, the top of the guitar a harp shape and the main part curved and golden. However…his eyes were full of kindness and he displayed none of the arrogance of the canon Adam. Strangely enough, Adam enjoyed both ribs and apples. He was actually there in person, not a holograph like Jesus was behind him.

Nonetheless, it still didn’t make me happy when he said things like…

“You are still very young and very headstrong. The people of Heaven count on you and if you dive down into Hell and are killed down there, it’ll cause great fear up here.”

“At least I’ll die with honor,” I said.

“By becoming food for Roo? I don’t think so,” Adam shook his head. “I appreciate you wanting to protect your people. But creating a hotel just to break the rules…”

“To have liberation from mental suffering…” I cut in. “Do you really expect our people to enjoy paradise if they can’t have sex before their afterlife marriages? Or have gay relationships that are 100% accepted as they are in the Hazbin Hell? Or worse yet, have Saints be oblivious to their Sinner ex-family members in both worlds?”

Adam held out a hand. “I’ll explain. Our community is very accepting of all genders and sexualities…”

“Then why doesn’t anyone mention gay marriages on TV here? Why is divorce still a long process? Why are the Heavenborn still getting the best things?”

“Why are you going off topic?” Adam asked.

“Because all these things are connected. Maybe there wouldn’t be so many Sinners if there were more lenient rules.”

“Rules and customs take years or even centuries to change…even here. Being cautious is better than letting people run amok.”

“It’s only a matter of time before some people break down from all the stress and rules.”

“We have healing hypnotic hymns for that.”

I scoffed. “Magic can’t solve everything. Please tell me there’ve been people from here who’ve fallen to Hell.”

“Sadly, yes, but it’s not very common,” explained Adam.

“Then you admit our world and angels are not perfect either.”

Adam somberly sighed. “We do our best for the Lord, and you should, too. Yes, just like Hazbin Heaven, the denizen’s memories of Earth and their Sinner ex-family members are wiped clean. It would be heartbreaking for them to find out that they went to either Hazbin Hell or our Hell. They’d probably try to rescue them, and we all know that is utter suicide. If the citizens become too much like the demons because of your project, they will fall to either one of the Hells and you’ll be held responsible.”

“It would be their fault alone. And rapists and murderers are still family to them, right?” I almost couldn’t believe what I was saying. “So…Sinners can be redeemed right to Heaven, at least in the Hazbin world and the reverse is still true.”

“But you would be the one that encouraged the people to sin in the first place,” Adam pointed out. “Royalty can only do so much before they too, must suffer the consequences. Micheal can easily banish you just like Lucifer if you aren’t careful.”

I seethed, my eyes downcast, not knowing any retorts. Adam looked down upon me…I suddenly felt small and feeble.

“I hereby deny your request to move our Extermination up by six months. We don’t need to take any unnecessary risks. Your job is to save our people up here…and the Cleansers send the message in Hell once per year…‘We choose worthy Sinners to go through Purgatory, and those who have no life left in them shall be slain from their cycle of suffering to the second death.’ Dismissed, your majesty.”

“Man, these worlds are f***ing confusing,” I stomped in defeat, slamming the doors and walking out.

When I got back and entered the hotel, Phalla was waiting for me.

“Feel better, your majesty?”

“Yeah, I guess,” I replied in sarcasm. “If losing to authority and swearing as you walk back works. And I still can’t think of good song lyrics for this s…”

“Wait until you see this,” she said, pulling me to the couch. The whole group was sitting there. Frank Myrth sat up straight in a chair. Stalaro leaned on his cane. Klutzy lounged on the floor. I sat next to Phalla who beamed with excitement. “Oh, I can’t wait to see us on TV! The way we show our love for our people in every scene!”

“It probably won’t be as good without me in it,” I pointed out. “I’m surprised you didn’t just keep mine.”

“And I know that Phalla will look beautiful in each shot,” Frank Myrth smiled, wiggling an eyebrow.

“Shh! It’s starting!” I hissed.

On TV, Phalla smiled as she stood with the group in front of the hotel sans Leeson. They were all dressed in blue, purple and white 1920’s outfits. (Core made Stalaro create them with his magic once he found out about their project, go figure.)

“Welcome to the heavenly Haven Hotel!” Phalla began, before the screen buzzed and cut to the 777News logo and choir music. Everyone groaned in anger.

Catie Carejoy and Ron Wrench appeared on screen, a black-haired woman wearing a blue dress and a male angel with wheels for a head, holding a wrench in his hands and wearing a gray suit. Three black menacing Exorcists appeared on an image on the screen with “EXTERMINATION” under it in red.

“Breaking news in Hazbin Hell today,” reported Catie Carejoy. “We have just received word from the angel messenger council that the next Extermination is happening sooner than ever before. Hell’s princess Charlie Morningstar met with the arrogant canon version of Adam, who, after being upset about the murder of one of his Exorcists, decided to move it up to six months. As expected, her idea to redeem Sinners at her hotel has not yet shown any progress.”

“Do you know what that means, Catie?” asked Ron Wrench.

“No, what does that mean, Ron?”

“It means they are totally screwed!”

“But…we’re safe, right?”

“Of course we are. We’re talking about a different universe here. Though…still keep your eyes peeled for Satanics. They may get fired up after hearing of war in other worlds. Remember, they can transform angels of all kinds into demons…”

“…even pretty royal princesses…” Leeson grinned in my head, making me briefly flinch in horror. He snickered at his use of telepathy. One of my greatest fears was turning into one of…them. I could almost feel sorry for Hazbin Adam and his future demonic fate. (Angels can see future events, too, just not future events in our own universe, which is pathetic.)

“Anyway, goodbye Hazbin Sinners…” Catie Carejoy finished with a worried look.

Recovering, I laughed manically in excitement and Leeson did a “go figure” look while the rest of the group howled in horror.

“Come on guys! This is great!” I declared, standing up. “Those Sinners are getting what they deserve!”

“But they are still human souls…” Phalla countered.

“Being murdered by their own kind if the Exorcists are ex-human!” Stalaro said, suddenly not passive.

“Not too different than the Sinners who die in our Hell,” I shrugged.

“The Hazbin Sinners are more relatable and less…monstrous,” Phalla argued. “Based on what they have shown us on TV.”

“They are not supposed to be. They had their chance on Earth!”

“I have to agree with princess here,” Leeson said with an eerie slim smile. “There is no mercy for the dammed.”

“Then why allow them second chances anyway?” asked Klutzy. “Why allow Hazbin Sinners immortality and free will to do what they want in Hell and not learn their lessons?”

“Because Lucifer is a goofy moron clown,” I replied. “At least, the canon version. Insult our Lucifer and you’ll be turned into a snack.”

“Being stuck in their habits in their world isn’t a good thing. Ironically…” Stalaro began. “In the Hazbin world, Sinners who die noble deaths and overcome their vices can be turned into angels. They only have to do it once. In our universe, they have to prove themselves many times in different ways to make sure it sticks.”

“But they can still die a second death!” I exclaimed.

“Or repent. Or redeem. Or reincarnate. The choices are endless,” said Stalaro.

“So…there is free will…?” I pondered.

“Rather like…more forced choices,” Phalla worded.

“More options…more free will,” I stated. “No use sympathizing with people we don’t know about, especially other demons.”

I stretched and yawned after a pause. “Thanks for a good for nothing commercial, since, you know, there was nothing to see! I’m going to bed.” I strolled off, leaving behind my bewildered and worried group.

“What are we gonna do?” Phalla whispered in a low concerned voice. “I love Coercia, but she only cares about herself and doing what she wants. And she doesn’t care about any human souls.”

“But there’s us,” Klutzy said. “We all used to live on Earth.”

“Yeah, but she’s a Heavenborn, after all,” said Stalaro.

“Not all Heavenborns are stuck-up,” Phalla said. “Jesus always spread the message of second chances…’love thy neighbor.’ What if even faraway demons are our greater neighbors?”

“Coercia hates humans and demons,” said Leeson. “I’m only here because Coercia enjoyed my Bible talks and how we both like Adina. You know, the demon-hating lady. And Core is joining because he likes helping people.”

“I’m here because Core dragged me along,” Stalaro whimpered.

“I’m here because it’s free room and board from…sexy royalty,” Klutzy added with a smirk.

“I’m here because I admire Coercia’s incredible discipline and her army,” Frank Myrth added.

“And I’m here because I’ve been her only outside servant and friend,” Phalla said. “Although she can be mean…I still don’t want her to…fall.”

The group sat in stunned silence. Stalaro stroked the white dog’s fur and he smiled softly.

“Very weird how such an arrogant rebel could bring a group of angelic misfits together,” Frank Myrth mentioned. “I think we should give her a chance. I mean, if all goes wrong, we can all at least walk out.”

“But she can overpower us all,” Stalaro worried.

“Let’s just be on our best behavior,” Phalla added. “Coercia may be bossy, but she has good intentions. She does want her people safe from the Satanics. And she does care about others having freedom almost as much as for herself.”

Frank Myrth pondered and then smiled. “You really do see the good in people, don’t you?”

Phalla smiled. “Trust is what I do best. So…you guys with me?”

Everyone nodded.

“Then it’s settled. Let the Haven Hotel’s grand opening begin! Tomorrow, of course.”

Everyone yawned in agreement and headed to bed.

[ghost-the-silly]

Ghost Intro, what

Hello!

Name: Ghost_Bean/Ghost

Age: Minor. I don't want any creepy people following or interacting w/ me, get out

Pronouns: They/them

Interests (In order of how much I focus on them): Murder Drones (current obsession, as you can probably tell...), Splatoon (not very educated on lore sadly...), Wings of Fire (wof discord servers), Nevermore (Webtoon), She-Ra, The Owl House, Steven Universe, Amphibia, KIPO

Uhh... There's probably more but whatever

Hobbies: Drawing traditional art, wondering if I'm doing the right thing on Tumblr, not getting enough sleep, reblogging Tumblr posts at 2 am, finding more Murder Drones blogs to follow, sleeping... Huh, ironic

What I Do: I reblog and like posts from my favorite blogs! I basically just lurk around, throwing love at people's art and posts. I hope that I can help people find cool blogs to follow :]

DNI: LGBTQ+ phobic, TERF, MAP, Zoo, etc, Proshipper. Don't be a bad person. That's all I fucking ask. Have common sense

----------------------------------------------------------

Fun facts/Trivia/Whatever you wanna call this:

- I'm in a lot of WoF Army servers, so feel free to ask me about them!

- I draw traditional art of wof ocs, but I'm also trying to figure out digital art! I also dream of being able to draw Drones one day, but anatomy is... a struggle 😭 (feel free to send me tips/guides btw!!!)

- My favorite MD characters and ships are: Doll, Cyn, Lizzy, and Yeva (top 4 char.) | Ships: Dizzy (Doll/Lizzy), RussianDuet (Yeva/Yeva's Husband ((does he have a name??)), Oilrose (J/V), Juzi (J/Uzi), and some others that I literally can't remember because brain no work

- I don't have any strong opinion or preference on ships when it comes to some characters like Uzi, V, J, N, etc as long as it's not problematic. I like seeing other people's ideas and headcanons, either about the characters or ships! I also like Butler N and Maid V, they would be so silly together fr

HOWEVER, I do NOT ship N/Cyn, I see them as siblings. Please, for the love of God..

- I may stop being active on Tumblr for a while at times, but don't worry, I'll be back eventually! [Update: Tumblr takes up ~69% of my screentime so... If I'm gone, assume I'm somewhere without wifi or just trying to save my battery]

- I swear. Just- I swear. I try to keep it to a minimum tho dw... Shit- (haha whoops). Ok but tbf MD has gotten me to say things like "Holy hell!" more often lol

- I like the color periwinkle!! I also like any color from teal to dark purple, and sage green on the side

- Uh... I also don't exactly know my way around Tumblr. Like... Can I reblog something without tags? Does it show if I accidentally un-liked then re-liked a post?? How does tagging work??? Just general stuff too, cause I mostly/only like and reblog cool things

- I'm an English speaker only :/ (but Google translate, my beloved <3)

- I use tone tags a lot! It helps me get my message across correctly, and I hope it helps others understand what I'm trying to say!/gen

- I say things like Dawg, Fr, On god, Silly, Goober, and other things like that quite often, so apologies if it gets annoying/gen

- My timezone is CST! 'Murica !!! 🔥🦅🇺🇲 (Get me out of here)

- Murder Drones is so cool, what, I can't see colors correctly anymore, help me (/pos, MD brings me joy)

- I don't do actual posts often so don't expect that much actual Ghost Content

- guh.

- I LOVE WOMEN THEY'RE SO PRETTY HOLDING HANDS WITH A GIRL WOULD FIX ME IM SUCH A GIRLKISSER (I've never kissed a girl)

- I love yuri. I need yuri. I wake up, yuri. I go to sleep, yuri. Always yuri. Robot yuri? Yes please. I wrote an essay on why I love Doomed/Toxic Yuri because yuri

- Other socials: ghost_bean on Discord, JustARandomGayPerson on toyhou.se

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That's it! Feel free to ask me anything (as long as it's not NSFW, political, hateful, etc), or let me know if I might've forgotten something! I'd love to answer any questions you might have, and I want to get to know Tumblr's silly and amazing community!

Have a great rest of your day/night, and may your favorite show get another season and an (actually good) movie

[nochi-quinn]

legend of vox machina season 2 episode 12: The Hope Devourer OR LAIR ACTIONS

my partner went "he's dreaming" literally immediately

I can't figure out what that is on the mantle. brain says probably a dildo of some kind, given that that's anal beads and a flogger hanging over the wood hopper

the painting from brimscythe's lair, lute, more sex toys, dragon tooth?

the painting of them that makes me cry despite vax looking Like That

the troll dick is also on the mantle

not sure whose helmet that is in the case tho

a painting of the keep :(

I can't figure out if that purple book on the shelf is supposed to be anything

me: why tf is there a cameo of a cha - CHAIR

three guesses whose children these are

both the characters and the actors

is that the damn reward poster that led them to fighting umbrasyl in the first place

not fucking kraghammer

okay given that they said the runes they've used other places translated into real language, what are the odds this book actually says something

also is that keyleth's ring she got from kerrek or

it's me, I am the person that one animaniacs skit was talking about

that morph from kaylie to vax was actually really smooth tho, props

"we need a skyship to catch them" percy just really wants a skyship

not the tail slap

stop shittalking the dragon in midair

okay but How tho

heheh, ass-id

grog whaling on umbrasyl like a piñata, if he hits it enough his friends fall out

grog crater 3.0

and now he REALLY doesn't have any bones

studiously looks at notepad so I don't have to look at broken bone

this episode just hits all my major squicks, it's Great :)

that sound effect was 100% unnecessary

I don't know why I love vax's "oh no" so much but here we are

it's the raven from the intro!

WINGS

and now vax can fly 400 miles an hour and throw 67 daggers at once

keyleth: you're so beautiful vex: you get fucking WINGS what the FUCK

I love the little scuff marks on Bad News' scope

"there's no such thing as luck" oh? oh mr. vax "almost got the Lucky feat banned from matt mercer's table forever" ildan?? is that so???

mr. "gave sam reigel shit for not using the halfling feat to reroll natural 1s for two entire campaigns"??? no such thing???

"yup, we're dead"

"we're hurt but so is umbrasyl" smash cut to umbrasyl healing himself

did you just hang up on thordak

"another ominous mountain lair" that's okay it's your favored terrain

[keyleth] flirting: I don't want you to die

as everything from the past 48 hours clicks into place for pike

the Kamaljiori head was a low fucking blow

(little sad we didn't get more about Scanlan and Kam. mb next season)

if I had a nickel for every time Vax went ahead and got caught by an enemy he didn't expect to be in the room and couldn't get past them to escape despite having a perceived physical advantage, I'd only have two nickels but it's weird that it happened twice

HEY you're only supposed to be able to use those once a day

I! Love! the colors! in this lair!

I already love greens and teals so that kind of gradient on the acid effects is targeted at me specifically

"YEP still broken"

the way I broke in half when someone pointed out RQ broke the connection between the twins

"we're splitting the party?" again?

"drop him" drop it, drooooop iiiiit

THE EAR TWITCH such a weird thing to be my favorite trope but here we are

if I had a nickel for every time a powerful enemy used one of vex's siblings as a shield -

I just love the delivery on percy's "get us the FUCK out of here"

vax about 45 minutes late with that "chenga"

"she doesn't control my destiny!" "no, you do" no fate only wyrd

I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH

LAIR ACTIONS

grog has just been Through It these past couple-few days huh

me having to defend scanlan's character arc to my roommate bc she was actively getting bored with Canonically A Coward Scanlan

umbrasyl that is CHEATING

I think if vax says "fate" one more time I'm gonna just leave the room

the way umbrasyl froze at scanlan's voice, chef's kiss

I fucking love the harmonizing with the sword

(another reason umbrasyl probably wouldn't have been able to wield it properly) (besides not having thumbs)

I was almost convinced we were moving up Bard's Lament

"your daughter would have been proud" rest of party: his what now

(I know she was whispering, it's just hilarious to think that's how they found out, like the fucking destiel meme)

"you're ALIVE, motherfucker?!"

mansion time, MANSION TIME

we all precipitated!

if you're not part of the solution etc etc science joke

"and I believe in you" mala: that's just sam and liam

wilhand's new lockeeeeeet

someone pointed out the ptsd percy must have had during this whole scene

an enemy infiltrating his home, his friends and family collapsing in front of him…leave this boy alone

vax I don't know why you thought that'd work

"mind your manners" hehehehehe

see, it WAS sleeping gas

so yennen's been dead at LEAST since they came through from the keep, right

I still cannot hear liam in vorugal and it's driving me nuts. I know it's got all the reverb and shit on it, and he's also fucking gollum so it's not like he's always 100% recognizable, but also I have a reputation to uphold

thordak: I got kids I need this job

LOVE ending on the cracking noise, so fucking good

[shakes internet until season 3 falls out]