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starker-stories · 4 years

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🎉Happy Birthday To Me🎂

Reposting this for Tony’s 50th birthday

May 29, 1970

Tony wasn’t one to pout. He would deny it to his dying day. Well, his re-dying day. Honestly, it was ridiculous. He’d spent most of his life with one day never mattering more than another. Especially this one. He was usually busy trying to find an excuse not to come home from school after term ended. Or busy with an internship. Or busy working. Or just generally busy. Which he should be today.

But life had slowed down a little. A little more once he and Peter moved in together. With his lover waiting in bed for him every night, he rarely stayed up past midnight in the workshop. Peter insisted that he eat at least one meal a day. Which he did. Breakfast. With Peter. Which he did today. Exactly as usual. Like every single other day of the year.

Well, not every one. Major holidays were observed now since Peter enjoyed observing them. And Peter’s birthday was certainly never missed. How could Tony forget the day they finally got together? After he’d valiantly waited three years, until the boy turned twenty, to ask him on a date. The birthday dinner ended with Tony asking him to move in with him. When they hadn’t even dated. When they hadn’t even kissed. When they hadn’t even done anything yet. Rushing ahead of the typical schedule, earned him a laughing, but emphatic ‘yes’. Tony had never been one to do anything typical.

After they got home from dinner, Tony gave Peter his first birthday present. Before they lived together, Peter’s birthday fell in the category of everyone else’s — usually forgotten and then made up with a ‘get yourself something nice’. Tony’d put the kid on his personal account. Ostensibly the account access was for the kid’s lab budget and school expenses. But it was unlimited, the same as Pepper’s was, even after their ‘til death do you part’ divorce.

His twentieth birthday present was something ridiculously expensive. Peter objected of course, but stopped when he noticed that Tony had actually been hurt at his rejection. It wasn’t that he was trying to buy Peter’s affection, it was that picking out the perfect present had taken a lot of work. And in this case, writing the perfect inscription (when Tony’s mind didn’t exactly work in that direction!) Of course it was expensive. Tony found exactly what he wanted to get for Peter (and wrote words; actual romantic words!) It wasn’t like he’d ever looked at a price tag in his life. Or that he wasn’t a billionaire. A million five was nothing to him. And it was pretty. He knew Peter would love the beauty and appreciate the craftsmanship of the delicate wheels and cogs turning underneath the glass. He simply hoped the back of the watch would prove equally as beautiful of a reminder of both his birthday and the change in their relationship. The tears Peter cried proved that.

That was the end of the price tag argument. Which meant that every year Tony spent months before August tenth planning. (To be honest, he started thinking about it on August eleventh). Twenty-one was a bit more modest. Peter had been asking to learn his way around the garage. Tony found the perfect thing to teach him on. He bought an absolute wreck of a ’70 Dodge Coronet convertible. It had its original Hemi engine — though in about as good a condition as the body. It was a four-seater, so Peter could take his friends with him. But the best part was they’d work on it together for the rest of the year. He gave him the keys at a special breakfast. Tony knew Peter would spend the evening with his friends taking him out for his first legal drinking binge. That was fine with him. As long as they spent the morning together. That set the pattern for the years after.

Twenty-two, the year he got his BS, they left the following day for the start of his present. Peter was spectacularly hungover from the party Ned threw for him (drunk Peter was hilarious as it was found out the previous year, and his best friend couldn't resist.) But the flight attendant made a mean bloody Mary as they flew to Italy. It was the start of an absolutely indulgent vacation that lasted until it was time for Peter to begin his masters’ study. Without interruption. By Stark or by the Avengers. Just the two of them.

Last year, when Peter turned twenty-three… well… that was the day Tony proposed. Enough said.

Their wedding was scheduled for Peter’s twenty-fourth. But Tony’s birthday was a month and a half before Peter’s. It wasn’t like he particularly wanted to remember the fact that on May twenty-ninth he was turning fifty and his fiance was going to be twenty-six years younger than him on their wedding day.

So it was ridiculous to be pouting over Peter’s hurried leave after their breakfast. He’d decided to do concurrent masters in chemistry and mechanical engineering. (He’d loved working on the Coronet.) That meant year-round study. Which he was late for, he announced, leaving with his usual cup of coffee and a handful of bacon.

Going downstairs to the workshop would just give Tony more time to sulk as he pretended to work. So he headed further downstairs to the twenty-fifth floor and his office at Stark. If he was going to be miserable, he might as well actually go down to his office and… ugh… look at whatever Pepper left sitting on his desk since he’d last bothered to show up.

The situation was only made worse by the fact that Pepper remembered. But it was made infinitely better when Morgan showed up for lunch, giving Tony an excuse to beg off the rest of his day to take her shopping after they ate. For which she was already, at only eleven, developing quite the passion. It didn’t help that her dad indulged that passion to an outrageous degree and refused to listen to reason. Pepper was going to be far less than thrilled that the basement of her brownstone was going to be converted into a full lab for their genius daughter. Their shopping consisted of clearing out the nearest scientific supply house. But at least Tony didn’t buy her half of FAO Schwarz this shopping trip. (It wasn’t even anywhere close to half, though that trip claimed Pepper’s attic as Morgan’s playroom. Pepper clearly needed a bigger house. Morgan was a growing child.)

Tony got home very late for dinner (after dropping Morgan off at home and dealing with Pepper’s wrath), but since today was apparently no different from any other, it wasn’t unusual for him to be very late for dinner.

And nothing was missed. Peter was sitting at the dining table, surrounded by books and nibbling on a ham sandwich.

All right, Tony would admit to pouting, and sulking, when he begged off later that night, claiming exhaustion from his and Morgan’s adventure.

After another two days, Tony simply got over it. He was fifty years old for chrissakes. He hadn’t been upset over a missed birthday since he was five. Just because Peter remembered for the past three years, didn’t mean that he was going to continue. Tony would occasionally remember someone’s birthday back in the day. Sometimes, accidentally, even twice in a row. He was busy. Peter was busy. Birthdays were an irrelevant marking of the passing of time. And he had made time irrelevant anyway.

~~~~~

Peter made breakfast that morning. Tony knew before he even got out of bed. He smelled the previous failures. He went to shower, giving the kid time to start over… yet again. The omelette waiting for him looked about as good as the one he served Pepper after the Whiplash incident. Before he had his personal chef teach him how to cook. And the bacon was only slightly black around the edges.

At least the kid had learned how to make a proper cup of coffee. But Tony smiled as he ate it. When they were married, and offence wouldn’t call the event off, he would suggest calling his former chef to give a lesson, or three dozen, to Peter. Maybe even save the Queens Fire Department and make it shared lessons for both him and May.

Peter teased him about being an old man now, officially. Tony took it in stride. He had just turned fifty after all. Then the kid led him to ‘Peter’s’ Star Wars room (that they actually shared, though Tony admitted that to no one.) Sitting in the middle of a new display case was a miniature of Darth Vader’s TIE fighter that was the prop actually used in the filming of the Death Star trench run.

They both babbled on endlessly about the trivia surrounding its use. Including the oft-heard story about how, out of his friend group on Long Island, Tony always played Vader. But new to the story was Tony showing Peter a scan of the schematic he made when he was seven (as the boy-genius son of Howard Stark, every paper he so much as scribbled on had been kept.) He built his own TIE after wrecking four of the toy ones. His lasted the rest of the summer but was lost sometime after he went to school. This one, though fragile and would never be touched, was infinitely better.

Which led to them spending the day on the sofa, watching the ‘original trilogy’, which as always, earned Peter a glare when he referred that way to the only Star Wars movies that existed. Six hours later, much of the movies had been missed due to kissing. But it wasn’t like they hadn’t seen them multiple hundreds of times already. Tony didn’t like to go out on his birthday. Dealing with the crowds of the curious and paparazzi wasn’t his idea of fun. Since Peter had ‘cooked’ breakfast, he started cooking dinner.

Tony was chopping vegetables when he noticed that Peter had become quiet. Not just quiet, but still.

“I forgot,” Peter said sheepishly.

“What did you forget?” He scraped the onions into a hot saute pan.

“Your birthday.” Peter ducked his head. “I forgot it.”

“You’ve got to be kidding? You just gave me the best present I’ve ever gotten in my life. You didn’t forget anything.”

“Yeah, I forgot. I was so involved in writing my quantum mechanics paper that I forgot your birthday.”

Tony laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

Peter shook his head. “No. I forgot.”

Tony’s laugh turned into a giggle. “You mean you raided my ridiculously small collection of recreated Pym Particles and cracked into the safe where I keep the time GPSs to go back in time and fix the fact that you forgot my birthday?”

“Yes!” Peter said in a huff. “You should be angry with me!”

Tony went around the counter and gave Peter a hug, followed by a quick kiss. “Pete, how can I be angry with you for that? You got me two birthday presents. The TIE fighter is great and I love it. But you created another whole branch of the multiverse just so you could give it to me.”

“Two branches,” Peter said, ducking his head again. “I had to go back and convince the owner to sell me the TIE.”

“Oh that is fantastic!” Tony leaned back, still holding Peter around the waist. “Two branches of the multiverse exist where my fiance, the brilliant Peter Parker, was so involved in his quantum mechanics paper that he forgot my birthday.” He brought Peter into a passionate kiss. “You are amazing and you are going to be the perfect husband for me. Because that… that is such a me thing to do it’s not even funny.”

Peter laughed. “It is, isn’t it.”

“Yeah. Why do you think I wrote ‘to the next Tony Stark’ on my glasses and not ‘to the next Iron Man’? You’re almost more me than me. I love you, baby.”

“You’re burning the onions.” Peter grinned. “And that is such a me thing to do.”

Also on AO3

#Starker #Tony Stark's Birthday #fuzzy timelines

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thecoleopterawithana · 5 years

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Omfg thank you for your precious answer you're my favorite tumblr !! I have so many things I'd like to ask you bc you explain so well lol, first of all what do you think of the story of Tony Manero ? Do you think he tells the truth with his story ? Again thank you for your answer love youuuu

Hey again, dear anon! (I’m assuming you’re the one from before) Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m truly happy you're enjoying the blog, and that it is engaging enough to make you want to ask questions. I’m more than happy to try my best at answering them because I learn a lot in the research for these posts too!

For context, Tony Manero was a Brooklyn singer/dancer (who claims to be the inspiration for the main character in 1977′s Saturday Night Fever, though no movie-related source mentions it).

He comes up frequently in Beatles’ fandom circles as a “key witness” in the ongoing case of John Lennon’s sexuality. His testimony appears in Geoffrey Giuliano’s Glass Onion (1999), where he is interviewed on his encounter with John Lennon on the streets of New York City, on May 1974:

TONY MANERO*

Interview

New York, Summer 1992

Question: Tell me your story about meeting John Lennon.

Tony Manero: It was back in May of 1974. I saw three guys walking down the block. John was always my idol. I went up to him and said, "I know a lot of people hassle you, but I just want to thank you for your music. I've enjoyed you and you've helped me through a lot of emotional times." Outside Jimmy's Bar in Greenwich Village he said, "Why don't you come inside for a drink?"

Question: Who else was with him?

Tony: Harry Nilsson was also there. After we ordered drinks, John switched seats to be next to me. He said to me, "Are you gay?" When I told him I wasn't, he looked really disappointed. He could have been joking, but he wasn't. My initial reaction was fear. And yet I wouldn't leave because it was John Lennon. I said to him, "No, man. I don't go that way." "Are you sure?" he said, "Look, I'll take you to Hollywood." John was calling me "the pretty one." He told me, "You're the prettiest chick I've seen all day." He said, "You look like a pretty little Indian or Arab chick," because of my color skin. I remember Harry was borrowing one hundred bills from him.

Question: Then what happened?

Tony: At one stage I went out, and when I came back he was talking to this woman and he said "She said, 'I thought he was Paul, meaning McCartney.'" So John turns around and says, "No, he's prettier than Pauly. He's got a nicer mouth than Pauly. Pauly's got a small mouth." Then he turned to me and said, "Let's go get some chicks." This man was giving me a dream to pay millions for. I hung out with him. John almost admitted his gay tendencies. He put his arm around me. He said, "It feels good to hold someone. You know what I mean?" Prior to that he said, "There's nothing wrong with being gay. Two people exchanging feelings is not wrong. Did you ever try it?" People were following us. We were wasted and he put his arm around one girl and said "Suck my cock." He stuck his tongue down her throat. We were loaded. Somebody stole the hat right off his head! He was so nice. I remember we had a hamburger. Later we went to his hotel rooms, 1608, -9, and -10. There was Harry's bedroom, John's, and a living room with a keyboard. He gave me a guitar, but it was later stolen. He propositioned me in the street. Hassled me if I'd ever made love to a male. "Will you give me head, man?" he asked. But I wouldn't do it. "Come on, Tony, why won't you give me head?" We went back to his hotel and he propositioned me again. After John died I wished I'd done it. He tried to kiss me. He put his arm around me. He was making moves on me like a guy would make on a woman. We were on the couch and we lay down. I said, "Wow, maybe I should have." I never asked him if he'd had sex with a man, but it was obvious to me he had. I was at the hotel for a few days. But he never bothered me in the middle of the night. He never attempted it again. There were feelings and looks. He was very loving, like when a guy is very lonely. The man was bisexual - there is no two ways about it. He was feeling me out.

Question: What do you say to people who might not believe your story?

Tony: John did come on to me. He did try to make love to me. He asked me to perform a lewd act - that's the truth. The man was bisexual - there's no two ways about it. Any of his fans who can't dig that, I'm sorry, because if you listen to his music, sensitivity and experiencing is what it's all about.*Tony Manero was the inspiration behind the seventies film Saturday Night Fever and a successful New York businessman.

— in Geoffrey Giuliano’s Glass Onion: The Beatles In Their Own Words (1999), part Seven: Friends (pages 315-317).

Concerning Manero’s recollections, some familiar elements pop up.

There is "It feels good to hold someone. You know what I mean?" which seems to echo Paul’s recollections of his last hug with John, where the latter commented, “It’s good to touch.” It is a classical example of John craving physical affection.

"There's nothing wrong with being gay. Two people exchanging feelings is not wrong. Did you ever try it?" reminded me immediately of the poem John submitted for Len Richmond and Gary Noguera's Gay Liberation Handbook, on 30 May 1972.

Why make it sad to be gay?

Doing your thing is O.K.

Our bodies our own

So leave us alone

Go play with yourself - today.

Also, there are his comparisons to Paul, "No, he's prettier than Pauly. He's got a nicer mouth than Pauly. Pauly's got a small mouth."

First, there’s the use of the adjective pretty, which he’s used for Paul before:

I remember we were going down to the studio [...] and there was a great crowd pressing against the car. John was sitting in the back and he said, “Push Paul out first. He’s the prettiest.”

—Victor Spinetti, in the documentary You Can’t Do That! The Making of ‘A Hard Day’s Night’ (1995).

Also, there’s “that Paulie business” (note that’s it’s Paulie, not Pauly; and John will object if you use it, especially in a condescending way!).

Moreover, to me, the whole exchange strikes the same tongue-in-cheek tone as this late 1975 interview:

John: Yes, all your best friends let you know what's going on. I was trying to put it 'round that I was gay, you know-- I thought that would throw them off... dancing at all the gay clubs in Los Angeles, flirting with the boys... but it never got off the ground.

Q: I think I've only heard that lately about Paul.

John: Oh, I've had him, he's no good. [Laughter]

— John Lennon, interviewed by Lisa Robinson for Hit Parader: A conversation with John Lennon (December 1975).

John had already insinuated his relationship with Paul in a similar way in this humorous self-interview:

Q. Have you ever fucked a guy?

A. Not yet, I thought I’d save it til I was 40, life begins at 40 you know, tho I never noticed it.

Q. It is trendy to be bisexual and you’re usually ‘keeping up with the Jones’, haven’t you ever… there was talk about you and PAUL…

A. Oh, I thought it was about me and Brian Epstein… anyway, I’m saving all the juice for my own version of THE REAL FAB FOUR BEATLES STORY etc.. etc..

Q. It seems like you’re saving quite a lot for when you’re 40...

A. Yes, there might be nothing better to do, tho I don’t believe it.

— John Lennon, interview conducted by/on John Lennon, and/or Dr Winston O’boogie, for Andy Warhol’s Interview Magazine (November 1974).

I introduce all of this because if there’s one thing I at first found odd in Manero’s account, it was John’s forwardness. John doesn’t strike me as a guy to openly proposition another man. Was he really just super keen on it? Was he getting liquid courage from all the substances? Was he trying to get those rumours off the ground? A mix of all three?

But perhaps it’s wrong to look at 1974 as just a normal year.

Lennon’s Lost Weekend was the time of his life where we can see him be the most publicly vocal about his curiosity. He was open about being open.

And striking friendships with gay musicians like Elton John probably gave him someone who he could talk to, or at least explore the world of gay bars with. Whatever gets you through the night, it’s alright, after all.

One of those “dancing at all the gay clubs” episodes has been recounted by musician and music producer Mark Hudson. In a “weird but beautiful” moment, John urged the group to join him on the dancefloor, when The Three Degrees’ ‘When Will I See You Again’ came playing through the speakers and he exclaimed, “I love this song!”

Because it’s always informative to pay close attention to the songs that were resonating with them at any particular time, I’ll provide the lyrics to ‘When Will I See You Again’ (released in the US on September 1974):

Precious moments

When will I see you again

When will we share precious moments

Will I have to wait forever

Will I have to suffer

And cry the whole night through?

When will I see you again

When will our hearts beat together?

Are we in love or just friends?

Is this my beginning

Or is this the end?

When will I see you again?

May Pang reports in her book, Loving John (1983), that after she and John left LA to go back to NY — where, after some time at The Pierre hotel, they moved to small penthouse apartment on East Fifty-second Street, around July 1974 — the McCartney’s had paid them a visit.

John would spend the next two months recording Walls And Bridges, before releasing it on 26 September 1974. It included tracks such as the aforementioned ‘Whatever Gets You Through The Night’, ‘#9 Dream’ and also the beautiful ‘Bless You’:

Bless you wherever you are

Windswept child on a shootin' star

Restless spirits depart

Still we're deep in each other's hearts

Some people say it's over

Now that we spread our wings

But we know better, darlin'

The hollow ringIs only last year's echo, oh-oh

Bless you whoever you are

Holding her now, be warm and kind-hearted

And remember though love is strange

Now and forever our love will remain

As a song, I think it's the best piece of work on the album, although I worked harder on some of the other tracks. In retrospect, that seems to be the best track, to me.

— John Lennon, interviewed after the release of the album, cited in John Blaney’s John Lennon: Listen to This Book (2005).

(I’m sorry, I got sidetracked by their love for one another...)

But getting back to Manero’s story, you asked me if I think it is the truth or not. And honestly, there’s really no way to be completely certain of the veracity of these accounts. Having said that, I don’t really see this story as the scandalous, explosive news it is often made out to be. Not because I think it might be untrue, necessarily, but because I personally feel like John’s interests in homosexuality come through in his own words, as we’ve seen in the previous post.

For me, it seems clear that there was an attraction there. Now, an even more interesting question, I feel, is how much of that attraction was about the physicality of the male body; how much was about the contact with one’s softer, more sensitive side, not allowed in the classic moulds of toxic masculinity; and how much of it was seeking sexual contact as a way to epitomize emotional intimacy?

And with the complexity of human beings, it is fair and likely that there were little bits of all three elements involved. But perhaps, it’s best to continue that line of thought in another post...

But what do you guys think? I'd really like to hear your thoughts on the subject!

#John Lennon #paul mccartney #Elton John #the beatles #asks me why #I'm not a homosexual or we could have had a homosexual relationship #the lost weekend #Whatever gets you thru the night it's alright #the person I actually picked as my partner #johnny #macca #for you were in my song #Bless You #3rd verse #1974 #meta #my stuff

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slamsams-blog · 4 years

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On Her Majesty’s Secret Service - #24WeeksofBond

1969 certainly must’ve been a wild time. For the first time ever, Bond lovers and general movie goers were to go see a Bond movie starring the first “new Bond”. After 5 movies, Sean Connery simply had enough with the character, the franchise, and the main producer Albert “Cubby” Broccoli. So how in the world do you step into a role that had been created and branded into the minds of the fans by Sean Connery? Why even carry on the series without Sean Connery? I wonder what people thought of the concept of a “new Bond” back then? Now a days, it’s a right of passage. We all know that an actor playing Bond has a shelf life, and that they will eventually leave the role only to be replaced by another. In today’s world, for Bond fans, this moment can be a very exciting thing. While I LOVE Daniel Craig, I am very anxious to find out who will replace him. But back in 1969, the thought of a new actor to come in and just carry on the role like nothing happened? There must have been tons of criticism, skepticism and curiosity.

Enter George Lazenby, the man with the distinction of being the first “new Bond”. Lazenby was a legit no-name with a care-free, “fly by the seat of your pants” personality. He was a male model who only got into modeling because someone thought he had the look for it and gave him an opportunity - so he went and did it. Then the role of Bond came along, and with Lazenby’s natural good looks and cavalier attitude - Lazenby literally just walked into the audition room un-announced and told the directors that they were looking at the man they needed. Lazenby got the part. Those actors who had their 2 contrasting 3 minute monologues ready were probably furious.

Back in the day when my brother and my best friend were playing “Goldeneye” on the N64 non-stop, and learning about Bond and all it’s history and the previous actors that came before Brosnan - we had learned that there was a guy who only did one movie. We didn’t know the man’s name back then, so we always referred to him as “Zachary Dumbhead” when discussing Bond. As funny of an anecdote that is to me, I must say that Lazenby deserves a little more respect than that. This was a tough position to be in.

Lazenby may look a bit goofy, and his undercover role of Sir Hilary Bray doesn’t do anything for his overall bravado - but Lazenby plays the role of Bond with a sense of fearlessness and charm, much like how I imagine he was in real life.

Also, nobody throws a harder punch than Lazenby. Sheesh!

I simply cannot imagine Connery playing Bond here, especially given how pivotal this Bond movie is to the rest of the series before they hit the reset button with Daniel Craig. I just don’t think Connery could’ve convinced Bond lovers that he was legitimately in love. A fresh take on the role would’ve made it easier to buy into the love between Bond and his soon to be wife Contessa Terese di Vincezo (Diana Rigg) or Tracy as she would be known in the film.

I love Lazenby and Rigg’s chemistry, I think these two pull off a believable performance despite their off screen distain for each other. Yes, it is widely known that Diana Rigg did not care for Lazenby’s childish attitude and over confidence and it created friction while filming. There is a pretty famous story of Diana Rigg purposely eating food with lots of onion and garlic right before their love scenes so her breath would stink. If you have time to watch the documentary “Becoming Bond” I suggest you do that - it’s pretty much a doc on Lazenby.

Let’s talk about this plot, this strange, fear of chickens curing plot. This movie starts out with Bond bailing out who we would come to know as Tracy on a couple of occasions. Saving her from her trying to drown herself (I think?) and giving her financial help when she blows it at the casino. We come to find out she is the daughter of the European, generic brand version of Blofeld named Draco (Gabriele Ferzetti). He brings Bond to his office in forcible fashion and tells him that he’ll give him a million pounds if he marries Tracy. Bond is like huh? Bond thinks about the offer because Draco has connections to Blofeld himself, and if he got some info he just might go along with it.

Tracy sniffs this out right away and forces her papa to give Bond the info he desires, so he does. But here’s the twist, Bond still pursues Tracy...not because she has any other info on Blofeld (which is Bond’s only thing he looks for in a mate) but because he just has an infatuation with her. So then we see a montage of the typical things two people do while discovering a love for one another...riding horses, sitting by fountains, and what not. 2 minutes of Louie Armstrong later, and boom, they’re officially in love...at least she is. But now it’s time to work.

Bond follows the lead given to him by Draco and finds where Blofeld is and finds out that Blofeld is bringing a genealogist up to his location to dub him as a count. Who knows why...Bond meets the man who is supposed to go meet him and quickly learns all there is to know about the subject and comes up with an uncanny impersonation of him.

This is where “OHMSS” really starts getting weird. We take a break from Bond’s love story with Tracy to go to the Swiss alps where Bond or “Sir Hilary Bray” is to meet Blofeld. But in doing so, he discovers that he is housing a harem of women to try and cure their allergies by making them eat their allergies for dinner and hypnotizing them every night. The real plan being that Blofeld is designing a virus to halt all crops from growing and using the girls to distribute the virus. Of course the ladies love the new man on the block and Bond has a few encounters after-hours. You sure know how to pick em Tracy!

The odd thing about this is the fact that Blofeld doesn’t recognize Bond right away. Maybe it’s the Superman effect, where instead of glasses being the difference between Superman and Clark Kent - it’s a Kilt being the difference between James Bond and Sir Hilary Bray - who knows? Blofeld finds out it’s Bond, not because it’s so obviously Bond, but because he made a tiny slip in the details of the history of his ancestors. What a Sherlock.

Bond’s discovered, and escapes by ski and some entertainingly bad green screen work and bumps into Tracy again who saves him from the bad guys where they finally escape in a horse barn where they will spend the night. This is where Bond finally confesses his love for Tracy and asks her to marry him. I think this scene is beautiful and both actors do a wonderful job. It’s so simplistic, spontaneous and romantic.

The bad guys catch up, Tracy gets captured after being swallowed up by an avalanche and Bond goes against M’s wishes and enlists the help of Draco and his henchmen to storm the castle and destroy Blofeld’s headquarters. This complete with an iconic shot of Bond sliding over the ice on his stomach, gun in hand, and shooting the villains. Great stuff. But more horrible green screen work to follow. Bond catches up to Blofeld during a bob sled chase and hangs him up in the branches. The objective seems to be complete.

The final scene is where Bond gets married, and as they are driving away, Blofeld and his hench-women Irma Bunt drive by and shoot at Bond, killing Tracy in the process. Say what you want about Lazenby’s performance, but his final dialogue to the cop about Tracy is heart wrenching. Lazenby does a fantastic job grieving the loss of his newlywed, and this would be one of the only consistent pieces of Bond’s backstory that we hear throughout the rest of the series.

OHMSS is a good Bond flick, although it is a bit odd with the plot, the unusual casting choice of Telly Savalas as Blofeld, and Lazenby’s random insertion in the role - it is a very important piece of the Bond puzzle and up until Daniel Craig, we don’t see Bond this full of raw emotion ever again. It also has lots of fun callbacks to the previous five films with the gadgets he pulls out of his desk, the janitor whistling “Goldfinger”, and even Bond saying before the title sequence “This never happened to the other fellow”, which makes Bond theorists believe that James Bond is just the name given to the man who holds the 007 number. I’m sure it was just there to call out the elephant in the room and break the ice with the skeptical audience.

As important as this film is to the series this is not one of my favorites given a lot of factors that just bother me. Lazenby does a hell of a job, but he simply just did not care for the real life Bond lifestyle which caused him to break from the role. Lazenby was told to present himself as Bond where ever he went to keep the mystique alive, but at the premier, Lazenby showed up with long hair and beard and did not please the studio execs. Lazenby was just too care-free to be a celebrity, but he does admit that he wished he had knocked some sense into himself back then as it could have made him for the rest of his life. Instead, he is just a blip on the radar and you have to wonder how the next film would’ve have done with Lazenby at the helm.

We will never know.

That’s all for me, hope you enjoyed it tonight! Let me know your thoughts!

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom

I’ve decided it’s really hard to follow a high action film like 007 s in two parts. Started it late last night and fell asleep somewhere in the Swiss alps while watching a group of girls getting hypnotized. Who knows maybe I was drawn in to the relaxation technique. Tonight I resumed so it really lost some luster. This James Bond never really filled the role for me. He was kind of sweaty and goofy. Not the cool calm character he is supposed to be. The chases were fun from the Volkswagen bug to the horse drawn sleigh to the bobsled scene. Not to mention the harrowing ski chases amid avalanches. Wow. And of all the choices this girl was THE ONE for James? I did get a better perspective though after reading your review Sam. You are a very detailed critic. Great evaluation.

Dan Perch

Love the review!! Admittingly It took me a long time to watch OHMSS because lack of interest in George Lazenby. However, when I came around to it I fell in love with the movie! It was So (not so) subtly over the top throughout the whole movie. Lazenby was actually pretty good throughout, and certainly had some cringing lines “call me Hilly”😬 haha! From the sweet 1960’s villain pad, the way he smokes his cigarettes, and how he manages to stunningly excel in all winter sports, Telly as Blofeld is my favorite of all time!! (That bobsled gif had me rolling laughing😂 cinematic gold!) He finds a way to ‘best’ Bond at absolutely everything in this one (strong booking) then right when you think Bond goes over... what an ending! Lazenby delivers that line, and the credits start to roll, Had me speechless! One of my favorite movies from the 1960s Telly was the man!

Jake Benrud

LOL. I forgot all about "Zachary Dumbhead". I honestly have never watched this whole movie. Or at least, I didn't remember it. The plot is strange with the hypnotized girls releasing bioterrorism agents. If I were Blofeld, I would have invested in a helicopter to chase down Bond after he escaped instead of going skiing after him myself. Just a thought. There's a lot I didn't know about George Lazenby until I did some searching on him recently. Apparently he never signed a contract during the whole filming of this movie. Unreal. He also didn't want to play ball with the studio with maintaining the look of "James Bond" outside of work after filming. Interesting guy. Devastating ending to the movie, but we all knew that 007 the playboy couldn't stay married for long.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with -

You Only Live Twice

#24WeeksofBond #James Bond #george lazenby #Diana Rigg #Sean Connery #OHMSS

0 notes

xluckytheninjax · 7 years

Text

Watch Dogs: A closer look at an OC of mine

So,basically,I’m bored.I was looking for an excuse to draw,and looking for one of those 10+ character/OC memes with the randomass questions,but found this instead.It’s an OC meme/bio template,found here by Mister-Saturn on dA.

This thing is long,but it covers a lot.So,yeee.

Who better to go depth about than WD!Kayla,since I’m all about Watch Dogs these days?A lot of this stuff is copied from the original post I made...i also removed some of the things since I have not thought about it as far

Basics

Full Name:

Kayla Horizon

Nicknames:

Kay/Ninja/Ghost/Lucky

Hacker allias/screename:

N1nJ4 {Ninja}

Sex:

Female

Age:

23 years old

Birth Date:

03/03/1995 {if the WD world took place in 2018}

Birthplace:

In Gauteng,South Africa

Current Residence:

Close to San Francisco,a great damn house

Appearance

Height:

5’11

Eyes:

“Not every day you see someone with heterochromia.”

Left eye is blue,right eye is green

Hair:

Original hair color is dirty blonde Currently ombre:Brown - Dirty blonde - Blonde

Long hair,shaved shorter on the right side.Leaving it loose or tying it in a ponytail or something depends on how she’s feeling,and whether it’s mission time or not.Can’t work if you’ve got hair in your face.

Physical Flaws/Birthmarks/Scars:

Huge scar through her left eye,and a small one through her lip on the right.There are some other faint scars here and there,nothing too major though.

Lots of freckles

Usual Attire:

{I’ll post the clothing rambles from the original}

Has a variety of beanies,snapbacks and caps

Has one pair of sunglasses,aviators,as the rest got broken

She wears glasses,unless out on missions

Has a lot of t-shirts and hoodies

Has a fair amount of long sleeved shirts

Has a lot of jeans,shorts and sweatpants

Owns a few pairs of sneakers and track-shoes,and two pairs of combat boots

Has a few bandannas/masks

Has literally one fancy shirt she wears with a vest,bowtie,black pants and sneakers

Went to Swelter Skelter as some sort of glow in the dark Matryoshka-fied skeleton

Doesn’t wear any jewelry apart from her piercings and some random bracelets

Carries a shoulder bag which is clearly bigger on the inside {otherwise,how would you fit a laptop,drone,RC rover,and some other stuff in there?} With some badges and Dedsec decals

Hoodies are 60% of the time oversized

PJs are a random t-shirt and boardshorts {Onesie in the winter over that}

Has a hoodie that says 'Ghost’ and '07’ on the back {Aka my favorite Mystery skulls song and lucky number}

Tattoos/Piercings:

A lot of ear piercings on both sides,and a tongue piercing

A bunch of stars on her left wrist,a small ‘x’ on top of her right wrist,and a ’=D’ on her back {right shoulder}

Other Accessories:

She wears a lot of bracelets ‘n stuff,and glasses

Personality

Personality Traits:

Stubborn

Cares a lot for her family,friends and workpals {who’re also friends}

Loyal to DedSec

Not easily influenced

Quiet

Overthinks everything

Sarcastic

Not easily intimidated {Or so she claims}

Happy with what her life is,even between all the stress and overthinking.

Has some trust issues.The type where she gets this feeling in her gut telling her whether a person can be trusted or not.She trusted her workpals immediately,she trusted Ray immediately…as an example of who she didn’t trust,Horatio’s co-worker.And she wasn’t even on that mission.

Usually keeps things that wouldn’t be important to the current objective(s)/mission(s) to herself

It’s a good thing her face is blurred out like the others’,cause she’s camera shy.She hates getting photos taken of her,she hates looking at the camera…unless of course,she’s the one taking a photo of scenery or of friends.If you’re gonna point a camera of any sort to her face,she will not hesitate to break it.

Very protective over the things and people she cares about.So,you wreck her car? You insult DedSec or target her pals? You mess with Sitara’s artwork? You kidnap other DedSec members? Mess with DedSec’s systems? You mess with her dog or drag her family into things you shouldn’t? You better start running then,pal.And make it fast.

Trained herself to not cry in front of people.It’s harder than it looks.Anger also gets bottled up.One day she’ll snap….probably.Then all chaos and hell will break loose.

Loses a lot of sleep thinking

Stresses over nothing

Introvert

Reckons anything can be solved by an asskicking

Takes her job seriously,but,in between she likes messing with people

Claims she doesn’t care,but she cares too much

Honesty,loyalty,respect and trust are big things to her.As explained before,she follows her gut on who to trust and who not.If you’re gonna betray DedSec,you might end up dead.Everybody lies,it’s human nature,but that’s where trust and loyalty comes in with honesty.The three walk hand in hand,really.Respect? You respect her,she respects you,as easy as that.

-Because she keeps a lot of things to herself,a lot of her personality remains a mystery.

What annoys her?

A lot of things,don’t worry about it

What makes her happy?

Again,a lot of things,like animals {especially baby animals and dogs} and games,no worries.

Greatest Fears/Phobias:

Fear of needles and a slight fear of tight spaces and heights

Patience Level:

Really patient depending on who she’s dealing with

Self-esteem:

Might seem really confident,and she really does seem to be that way,but in reality,her self-esteem is pathetic

Hobbies/Interests:

Gaming

Streetracing

Drawing

Hacking

Writing

Collecting Vinyl/pop figures

Favorites:

Color - Purple/Blood red

Food - Pizza

Animal - Giraffes/dogs of all types {including wild ones like wolves and hyenas}/rhinos

Clothing - Hoodies/t-shirts

School Subject - “When I was in highschool....IT and Life science/Biology“

Music (genre) - Punk rock/alternative rock/rock n roll/pop music

Books (genre) - Adventure,mystery,action,comedy

Movies (genre) - ^^^

Season - Autumn/Fall

Time of Day - Night time

Least Favorites:

Color - Pink

Food - Bananas/Onions

Animal - Doesn’t really have a least favorite animal...except if humans count

Clothing - Skirts ‘n dresses

School Subject - Health Class/PE

Music (genre) - Classical/Rap

Books (genre) - Romance

Movies (genre) - ^^

Season - Winter

Time of Day - Early morning

Personal

A brief description of your character’s history:

Born South African,moved to San Francisco.Parents also in SF,while sister moved to South Korea with a friend.Been living there for 5 years.Hacking’s been a big hobby since she was younger.She kept it a secret from her parents,to avoid being lectured and banned from her computer.Big gamer since she was a teenager.Became an intern at a police station while still at university.It doesn’t make sense why an IT student would decide on working at a police station,but eyyy,whatever.Got promoted for solving some huge computer related cases through hacking.Two years back she was called to investigate something not even closely related to hacking computers.They reckoned she would be able to handle it.Went undercover.Had to take on dangerous 'jobs’ and compete in races in order to infiltrate and take down a ruthless international crime smuggling syndicate, consisting of illegal street racers and car thieves.She ended up leaving her temporary job because of the amount of times the police chased after her for street racing,resisting arrest and all the property damage.Y'know,going too deep undercover.Wrecked a lot of cars,got rid of a lot of thugs,hacked a lot cameras,streetlights and other things to finish her job and to get away.After that was over,she made sure to erase all of that off her profile on the ctOS database.Had to do a lot of things,a lot of dangerous things,to get noticed by DedSec,and eventually got in.It wasn’t really necesary that she put her life in danger like that,but she did anyway.Go big or go home…I won’t go much into detail about that because I haven’t thought as far.

{This mess….I’ll fix eventually.It’s random,it doesn’t make sense,it isn’t how real life works,but whatever.}

Political Preference:

“Anything’s better than where we are now,honestly”

Darkest Secret:

“All of ‘em are the same amount of darkness.I’ve done a lot of bad stuff,killed a lot of people...bad people of course....I think the worst thing I’ve done is probably causing a huge car crash during one of the races while I was undercover...”

Guilty Pleasures:

None?

Does she keep a diary or journal?

Yep,shockingly enough,she has a journal.She doesn’t use it as a diary,to write the day’s happenings,not always.She uses it to write notes down,draw scribbles,and to write down thoughts,things she has to do,etc.

Relationships

Family Living With:

She lives with her dog and a lot of house plants.Yeah.

Family Situation:

Her parents live in close range to her,which was just luck,honestly,and her sister {21 years old} lives in South Korea with a friend

Former Friends:

She had a group of friends back home,which she slowly lost contact with after high school...well,after the one’s wedding anyway.

Current Friends:

The main DedSec crew {Marcus,Sitara,Wrench,Josh,Ray} and some of the other DedSec members in the area.Was friends with Horatio too...but as we know....he’s gone.

Former Love Interest:

A guy from school...we’re not gonna go into that

Current Love Interest:

None

Former Enemies:

Former racing buddies...the bunch from when she went undercover...police,kinda?

Current Enemies:

The same people,plus the gangs,Blume,etc

What do his/her friends like about her?

She’s a good firend and teammate,who cares a lot more for them than herself,she always sticks to mission orders while still having fun

What do his/her friends dislike about her?

The fact that she cares more for others than herself {it’s good and bad},always getting into trouble and almost gets herself killed somehow

Why do his/her enemies hate her?

That’s some streetracing history

The fact that she’s a hacker/DedSec member

Always ruining plans with her pals

Occupation:

She’s a member of DedSec,so,she’s a hacker.

As a cover/dayjob she works at a huge gaming store on some days {Every second day except for weekends}.It’s just a temporary job for now.She ended up applying for some programming job,like her parents wanted.Just waiting to hear back.

Relationship Status:

Single,no crushes or anything of the sort. “Had to leave everyone behind since we moved here….went to uni,didn’t find anyone that’s my type…and some things that happened in the past leave me in this state where I am against romance I guess? Not like an abusive relationship or heartbreak or anything like that…just things I’m not gonna talk about.”

Virgin?

Yep

Hate anyone?

Obviously - can’t have enemies for nothin’

Killed anyone?

Again,that’s obvious

Would you and your character get along?

Yeah,she’s my persona after all

Would you like to hang out with your character?

Hell yeah

Would your character like you?

Not sure on that one

Abilities/Achievements

Achievements:

Took down that whole group of people stealing cars ‘n stuff {those NFS:U shenanigans}

Finished high school and she finished studying at the university too

Became a famous gamer {No hacking/cheats}

Still being alive is also an achievement

Failures:

Got innocent people killed

Almost got Marcus and the others killed a few times

Skills:

That’s part of the ‘other’ section I’m adding to the thing

How strong is she?

Fairly strong

Health

Diet:

She follows a healthy diet {she ain’t no vegan/vegetarian though},but she doesn’t mind eating sweet things now and then.The girl lives on Pepsi,some other sodas,lots of water and energy drinks.

Exercise:

She likes exercising to keep herself in shape for missions and such - jogs from time to time,goes to a gym,ye.

Physical Health Problems:

Nothing major or deadly...nothing as far as I know?

Mental Health Problems:

Does being a bit of an insomniac count?

Hygiene:

Amazing hygiene,very important to this human.She isn’t one of those extremely clean freaks though,who are afriad of germs ‘n getting their hands dirty.

Situations (What would they do or how would they react?)

Your character is called up for an award and is congratulated.

She’s be happy and accept,but she won’t go bragging about it or anything.

Your character didn’t win any awards and watches as someone else is congratulated.

She’s be really damn happy for that person,unless it’s someone with a hidden agenda/someone of evil nature.

Your character is winning at a game of some kind.

Again,she’d be happy,but doesn’t brag or go and insult the other team {if it’s a multiplayer game}

Your character lost at a game of some kind.

You win some,you lose some.She shrugs,and encourages her team that they’ll do better next time {again,if it’s a multiplayer game}.

Your character has a crush on someone and must find out how to tell them.

Whelp,like me,she’s probably not gonna tell the person.Fear of getting rejected ‘n all.

Your character tells that person and they agree to go out with them.

She makes sure to get enough advice so she doesn’t screw up.Real nervous and flustered.

Your character tells that person and gets rejected.

That’s why we don’t tell the person in the first place.

Your character is asked out by someone they like.

Very blushy and flustered,speaks gibberish,and would probably say yes.She wouldn’t trust it at first,but if she knows the true intentions of the person,she’d agree.

Your character is asked out by someone they don’t like that way.

To spare feelings,she’d still agree,but if it goes a bit too far/awkward,she’ll explain.

Your character’s crush is revealed by someone else.

She doesn’t have a crush at the moment,so ha

Your character loses a family member or a close friend.

That actually happened...losing Horatio was a painful time,full of sadness and crying.She wasn’t as close to him,but,yeah.

Your character loses a pet.

Crying for a million years

Your character loses a very important personal belonging.

If it was stolen,she’ll track the person down and kick their ass.if it was lost through anything else,she’d be sad,mad,and probably see if she can replace it.

Your character loses something that they were borrowing.

“Well shit” Time to go on a crazy search for the item.

Your character is stolen from.

Track ‘em down,and kick their ass

Your character is offered drugs/alcohol/a cigarette.

Hates alcohol,smoking and drugs.Thus,she doesn’t drink at all,she has never smoked,never done drugs or vaping or anything of the sort. if you’re gonna give her alcohol,she’s not gonna drink it.If you’re gonna give her a cigarrette,she’ll throw it away.If you give her drugs,she’ll give them right back.

Your character is publicly humiliated in front of a lot of people.

Wouldn’t be the first time.She shrugs it off,but,it’ll haunt her thoughts for quite a while.

Your character killed someone.

She’s killed a lot of people...bad people,so,nothing big.

Your character witnessed a murder.

She can’t handle death of the innocent,so usually when witnessing the murder of an innocent person or animal,she’ll murder whoever did it.She gets this weird feeling inside,like a mini heart attack or so.

Your character is being argued with.

She’s stubborn,so don’t think she’ll give up on arguments so easily.If it’s someone she cares about,she’ll accept their statement rather than arguing.

Your character trips and hurts herself.

Welcome to clumsy R us.Since she was little,she tripped a lot and hurt herself.Scraped knees ‘n legs,scraped elbows,arms and hands.It’s happened so much before,that she doesn’t even feel the pain anymore.

Your character is given a gift they’ve always wanted.

Really thankful,thanks the person a million times,makes sure what she’ giving is put to use.

Your character is given a gift they couldn’t care less about.

She is still thankful,and still makes use of whatever she’s given.

Your character arrives home after a bad day.

She just showers,eats,then goes to watch TV,play games,listen music or whatever,and goes to bed early.

Your character arrives home after a good day.

Pretty much the same thing...just less angry/sad and she goes to bed whenever she feels like.

Other

{self added section to repost the rest of the stuff}

Working for: DedSec,what did you expect? She was going to go work for those dumbass monkeys,or the rat cult? Pff,nah.

Cars:

Personal car is the Ford Ranger truck she got ported in from home. It’s white with black decals and raptor kit.The thing’s a beast.

Other car she keeps in the garage is the Lotus Elise she used to streetrace with.Purple with a white stripe down the middle.This thing is upgraded to the max {of course what garages can do,plus some things only a hacker can pull off}.Best part is,it doesn’t look like it belongs on the /shittycarmods subreddit.

During the day,while on missions,she has some randomass car/truck/four wheeler/motorbike she 'borrows’ or the one car she’s been putting some DedSec decals on {Sitara’s design,of course}….Then there’s the DedSec police cruiser too.

Pets: She has a Great Dane named Trompie.Her parents watch the dog during the day {or night depending on missions} and if she has to stay at the Hackerspace/work on missions all day,she takes him along.He behaves,and doesn’t annoy anyone…unless he sits on the couch.He’s got his own little space,with food,water and a blanket to sit on,plus newspapers.Even got toys.He’s 7 months old,and like his owner,he has heterochromia.The name’s Afrikaans,since well,can’t forget your roots,can ya? Wears a DedSec bandana over his collar.Pretty smart,but he has a thing for chasing after the drones and little RC rovers.Was not a big fan of Wrench Jr.

It took a few weeks for Wrench to get used to the dog.He didn’t even notice it until it was lazing on the couch next to Mickey while she was working.It was a scene to experience.

He doesn’t go along on missions for obvious reasons {Micks doesn’t want him to get hurt/killed…and she’s pretty sure he’d be in the way…or set off an explosive or something}.

Random shiz:

Main hangout is the main Hackerspace from the game.Second being the Silicon Valley one.

Has gone on some missions with Marcus {the ones where multiple things need to be done or where it’s going to take more than one person to do,but it’s only one thing that needs to be stolen/hacked}.

When looked at with the profiler her profile says

ctOS.exe has stopped responding

Memes 'n Dreams

How 'bout nah

Also does the parkouring,climbing high buildings and messing with cranes

Likes the skeleton Dedsec paint on her cars/motorbikes

Almost shot Lenni quite a few times - too many witnesses stopped her from doing so

Finds it entertaining to help Wrench {he’s a really amusing guy to be around,alright?}

Graffiti is great

Reckons a 'Josh protection squad’ should be made {Don’t harass him,pls}

Sees Ray as some sort of cool hippie uncle

Doesn’t smoke but always has a lighter to set stuff on fire if needed

Named her drone and rover she printed.Harvey for the rover and Zippy for the drone.Why,you might ask? Why not? Their names are painted on the sides of them.

“There’s another reason I get called Ninja.It’s not just the screenname.“

Sneaking/Stealth skill +100

Parkour skill +90

Agility +87

Speed +85

Martial arts and self defence +90

Even with skill,she’s really damn clumsy

Is sometimes going out on missions instead of Marcus,if Marcus needs to rest or recover.Goes on own little side missions as well

“First day on the damn job and I get my hoodie stolen by my workpal.”

When out on missions during the day,she wears a range of shirts/hoodies.On nightly missions she wears all black.

Weapons of choice are:

*Stungun

*SVD/other snipers {Including the Stun sniper}

*Shotguns

*Baseball bat

*Knives,especially flip knives

When hanging out at the Hackerspace {with nothing else to do} she’s sitting with her laptop or working on a PC.Either hacking,working stuff out,or searching useful stuff.

Her phone has a little charm hanging on the side.It’s a mini Deadpool logo

Always there to lend a hand

While she has told the others about the street racing stuff after first joining,she literally never talked about it again, hoping they’d forget

Isn’t one for cursing too much,but in some situations it’s needed to calm a person down…will not hesitate to swear in another language.

Fingerguns

Doesn’t drink coffee or tea,or hot chocolate.

Always carries one of her flip knives with her.

Never reveals location of her house or her parents’. Usually kills the cameras temporarily in the area when she’s driving home.

Night owl/always exhausted pigeon

Likes fire and setting things on fire {Do you know how great it is to set gangs’ supplies ablaze just to spite them?}

Also a fan of explosives.Don’t give her any though….she’ll probably blow stuff up she’s not supposed to.

Not that good a swimmer.She can swim well enough to keep herself from sinking,but she ain’t no olympic medallist.

Likes camping

Probably became part of the team a bit before our boy Marcus.A few weeks before,probably.

References to movies/games/songs and puns 100%

Loves animals,and pets every single dog she can

Doesn’t have the cleanest resume.Street racing,property damage,murder,hacking,breaking into private property,stealing {data,high-tech weapons,etc},car theft,resisting arrest,the list goes on.

Wishes grappling hooks were actually a thing {simlar to those of JC3 or spy movies}

Loves Deadpool

Always has earphones in the ears if not listening to others talk or on missions,and still hears everything she’s supposed to around her. {I own this skill,so it ain’t impossible}

Loving the zombie apocalypse/post apocalyptic stuff

Loves drawing,that’s why graffiti is also great

While she dresses like a hipster/geek {with some badass Dedsec stuff in between} most of the time,she’s an emo/punk soul.

Can’t dance to save her life

Reckons that her haircut is shit,and that it’s the product from getting drunk with friends.Thus,the hate for alcohol grows stronger

Likes Vaperwave and Retrowave stuff

Avoids clubs of any sort

Mosquito magnet

Can program and reprogram a lot of things,such as robots,drones,hell,if she tries hard enough she might be able to do the same to cars,but building/rebuilding/re-engineering things…that’s difficult.The only building related skill she has is upgrading and modding her drone and RC rover,along with fixing up/upgrading/modding cars.

Learned a lot about cars while undercover.

Did some graffiti work for Sitara.Got a badass galaxy DedSec design on the side of some building,and a little DedSec-fied Undertale reference one too.

Was very disturbed when that whole thing with the DedSec parody and strip club owner went down.Almost had a heart attack when Marcus told the bunch that the Bratva threw him in the trunk of a car that’s in the process of being crushed.

When threatening people {Bad people,'course} she likes saying that she’s going to snap the person like a stick

House isn’t as big a mess as one would think {Compared to Ray’s old place/the silo and the motel room where Aiden lived before it got blown up}.The hacking related things,such as her computer,laptop,at least nine monitors,a ton of harddrives,etc,are in her room,and there’s no sign of anything of the sort outside of that.

Parents still oblivious,still don’t know she’s a hacker,still don’t know about her street racing ways.She prefers it that way….that’s why nobody sees the garage or bedroom.

Not a fan of attention,would rather keep a low profile and let her workpals get the fame.But of course,when there’s some bad stuff on DedSec,she won’t be afraid to show off her opinion and stick with the others

It’s great being sometimes-partners with Marcus

It’s also great going off on missions on your own

“Screw you,you son of a bitch.”

*Proceeds to flip person off as it’s the worst she’ll do before it switches to violence and knife threats*

“Viva La Resistance/Rebellion” in a really bad French accent

“You see this knife? It’s my knife. What I’m gonna do with it? Shove it down your throat if you don’t shut the hell up.”

“The name’s Dead Inside.How ya doin’?”

“You look like a terrorist.”

“I promise you,I am NOT a terrorist.”

“What are you then?”

“A ninja.”

“Are you some kind of weirdass goth person?”

“Nin-ja.”

She has abandonment issues,that’s why she prefers doing missions solo.Means she can’t lose anyone while on missions or get betrayed/left behind.

#that took a lot longer to do than I expected #but have some new suff and stuff from the original post #still working on my trainwreck of a oneshot #still working on my picture #character bio #watch dogs #watch dogs 2 #watch dogs oc

1 note · View note

miniallumgames · 7 years

Text

It’s Never Ogre...

Shrek 2: “It’s a real game”

Platform played on: Gamecube

Genre: A Joke

Allum’s Rating: 4/10 for loners, 7/10 for co-op

General Review:

So, this is mad late, even pushing into Mini’s week. This is also extremely long just to warn anyone. Mini’s gonna be pissed. Mini hasn’t seen any of this. If anyone cares enough, thank Mini because they recorded some of our conversations in the notes. Those will be spread out in the review. Oh sorry, I meant long ass shitpost.

It was originally a solo playthrough and as an avid Shrek fan, excitement permeated the air. Nothing was going to stop this hype train for this first review, except the game being clear pretty early on that it was for more than one person. So as the kind soul and partner it’s imperative that Mini was bestowed with [begged] the position as loyal squire in this arduous and rewarding journey of Shrek 2.

So Shrek 2 is basically the movie as a game. The game is unbearable at times and filled with puns. There’s a lot to this game especially in terms of gameplay. It changes its rules often, but in such a way it can be taken as refreshing instead of annoying. It’s far better than most movie/TV show video games and more effort is put into this game than necessary.

There is absolutely no reason for this game to have fully fledged out character models, boss fights, more than 5 world maps, voice acting, and a lot more. It exceeds all expectations that both Mini and I had. This game does have it flaws and an abnormally large difficulty spike. However, that will be evaluated in the main game summary.

The main set-up of the game is a beat-’em up with four characters available at any time. These characters can vary and each with their own unique abilities. The flow of the game is changed per chapter and per level. After a level, sometimes there is a mini-game, announced by the Magic Mirror, “It’s Hero Time” and it is just one player/character playing an entire game by themselves and the game will not continue until it’s completed. Some of these are rather easy and can be completed in one go while others will test your mettle and question your entire life as to why you are playing the same minigame from Shrek 2 for an hour and a half. Every chapter is something new and it can span upon the entire mainstream video game format list. It might not sound interesting now, but listen when I say Grand Theft Auto is involved.

The game’s menu is a storybook and when something is clicked, sometimes there will be a random voice line from either Shrek or Donkey. Imagine going to options and suddenly the thundering voice of Shrek shouting, “OGRE POWER!!!”. Anyway it’s a good presentation of the menu and far better than the usual title screen = menu deal.

[Allum: So menu’s pretty nice *starts exploring and clicking on stuff*

Mini: It’s Shrek, I’m surprised there’s no toilet humor-

Shrek (out of nowhere): OGRE POWER!!!

Mini: Excuse me?]

In the beginning the game starts with our lovely, playable main cast of Shrek, Fiona, Donkey… and the most important one of them all: Gingerbread Man, why is he here so early in the game? He doesn’t make an appearance in the movie until the third act, but now he is available in the first chapter of the game. It’s alright because his purpose of being in the party is to hit random targets placed all over the swamp and distract surprisingly timely alligators with cookies. As for the other characters, Shrek can lift various objects and either throw them or place them in their designated spots. Fiona can apparently slow down time with the use of an hourglass, while Donkey can burrow kick objects into submission.

The story for Chapter 1 is that Fiona and Shrek got an invitation from Fiona’s parents to meet the lucky man who Fiona married. Shrek isn’t going to go without supplying on some eyeballs for the road and the game becomes a beat-’em up/collectable. This is the main format of the game, but it changes itself every so often. Playing the game for the first few moments was pretty fun until characters started getting stuck and locking the camera in an awkward position. The AI is the same as the majority of escort mission AIs, dumb as bricks and likely to die.

Mini played as Donkey while Gingerbread man was mine and for some reason his candy cane is a homing jump attack. The first objective to continue with the game is to collect eyeballs for unsuspecting snails in the swamp. Simple and nothing really remotely interesting, until five minutes later… Robin Hood and his French out-of-the-closet men show up to fight.

[Mini: Is it just a collectathon?

Allum: I fucking hope not. I ain’t a completionist.

*moving to next part and then in game cutscene*

Robin Hood: OH MERRY MEN!

Allum (in stunned disbelief): Mini, please explain to me why Robin Hood is French?

Mini: He isn’t French? Maybe he turned French when Fiona kicked his tights so high up his ass.]

They were surprisingly hard. There were far too many of them and Shrek and Fiona died in the process. Afterwards, it was time for fairy collecting using time-slowing hour glasses and at this point, why didn’t they just leave after getting the eyeballs? Shrek just needed his disgusting trail mix for the onion carriage.

Anyway despite feeling as though much accomplishment has been made, Shrek 2 showed itself as Dark Souls with its map design. It circled back into Shrek’s home and it turned out that Lil’ Red took over the home to make chicken soup. The place was infested with chickens and the goal was to hit the chickens into the pot. Yes, when a chicken is hit, sometimes the chicken will fly halfway throughout the map to its boiling death.

Then our merry band of heroes was then somehow convinced to journey with Lil’ Red to her grandmother’s house. At this point, our merry band of heroes should be almost stupidly late to meet the King and Queen of the kingdom and this is probably why the King hated Shrek so much because he was three days late due to collecting eyeballs, capturing fairies, and hitting chickens.

After arriving to Grandma’s house, the chapter was still not over. It was mini-game ti- sorry, “It’s Hero Time” and this time it’s Fiona’s turn in the spotlight and this one throughout the entire game is the easiest one in the whole game, but no one told us. The goal of this one is to make birds explode with Fiona’s singing. It is basically DDR and with every button Fiona sings until the final button mash where she belted so high that the birds that were trying to keep up explode.

Finally, it was the end… of chapter 1.

[Mini: That was pretty fun. I guess. (referring to Fiona’s mini-game)

Allum: Yeah, the game has a pretty good feel to it. Music is good too.

*After intro to Chapter 2*

Mini: FUcK no. Are you serious?]

As to why Mini freaked a little, Gingerbread Man ditched us for a date and Lil’ Red joined in, but the main reason was that Chapter 2 is a giant escort mission. At this point, it should almost be obvious that Mini was my saving grace in this arduous journey and this was only Chapter 2 out of 11 and it only gets worse.

Yes, the second chapter is escorting the 3 blind mice throughout a horrible forest/graveyard. A witch wants them for one of her spells and turned the horses back into mice and so the gang has to help out. The mice are disturbingly fast and the cheese does almost nothing to distract them from the various death traps waiting for them.

The best way to win was to rush as fast as possible past the mice and the two party members whose abilities are vital to this stage were Donkey and Lil’ Red. Donkey uses his burrow blast to kick old trees and gravestones to use as paths. While Lil’Red can rings bells that open gates with her spin jump and throw apples at mouse traps and rats.

Apple throwing is the most infuriating thing since the apple’s direction is thrown by which direction Lil’ Red happens to be standing and the mouse trap doesn’t go off if the apple doesn’t hit directly on it instead slightly over it. In any case, that was the most troublesome part of the escort mission.

The game also introduces a drunk knight as another enemy and initial thoughts were that he was going to be an easy enemy just more health. Instead he can’t be stunned and can keep using his sword spin move until every character is rolling in their grave wondering how an idiot took them down. The answer to that is because each hit from the knight takes half of the health bar away and the game doesn’t have that wonderful boon of invincibility frames.

Finally in the end of the escort mission, the real villain shows itself, “It’s Hero Time”. It’s the start of something evil. This time it’s Dragon and Donkey’s turn to shine in Hell. Once the mice are escorted safely, Fiona gets into the onion carriage and right before Shrek can get on, the witch casts a spell on the carriage and sends it down a path where it will fall off a cliff. This Hero Time is just a dodger, but there’s a weird delay in the inputs and it might just take a couple of times until it’s finally over and Fiona is saved.

Now Chapter 3 is something real special.

[*plays Chapter 3*

Allum: Wow

Mini: It’s just a shitty version of GTA.

Allum: What are you talking about it’s magic.]

Yes, Chapter 3 of Shrek 2 is a really shitty version of GTA and received my complete adoration and Mini’s complete hatred. Shrek and the gang made it to Far Far Away and are suddenly given the positions of deputies to help out the old father-in-law. Shrek’s just there to suck up while the others are just… there. This part of the game is the buggiest as every time the camera tilted a certain way the screen would turn a pale blue and the only thing besides the screen looking like someone accidentally hit fill on MS Paint are the shadows of the characters as grey circles.

Anyway, the only thing that’s GTA about it is there’s a star system only up to 3 stars. The easiest way to get beaten up and to get those beautiful 3 stars is just to hit a knight. Sure it might be fun to hit random people with apples or kick them halfway through the block with a burrow kick, but isn’t having Shrek carry a knight the good old Shrek way.

The goal is to help out the kingdom with thieves, escorting princesses, and helping Humpty Dumpty in several mini-games. But it’s more than any one of us expected. This section is very easy to complete because it can just end once talking to the King, but no one told us that. We both assumed that every mini-game had to be finished and some mini-games took more than two tries, but they were all doable.

Every single mini-game was played to agonizing completion. One mini-game was to escort Cinderella while she goes shopping and beat up the 40-50 armed men ready to steal from her. There was one that included beating up the Pied Piper and his children stealing rats. Shrek has his “Hero Time” just throwing outlaws into a police wagon. Another one tests platforming skills to collect Humpty Dumpty’s body. Last ones include chickens and then following a troll stealing jewels to collect them. He instakills anyone in one hit and an ‘I hate you’ note written in orc’s blood. Blah, they’re done.

On to Chapter 4, no more dilly dallying. No more with Keeping up with the Cinderellas.

Chapter 4 is a godsend. Sort of depending on how well you can press buttons. There’s no map, it’s just a rhythm boss fight with Puss-in-Boots. Anyway the King hires Puss-in-boots to kill Shrek and Fiona is left behind in the castle and left out with Gingerbread Man. This is the first time that it follows the movie in the sense that Puss-in-boots just pops out of nowhere to fight. If you make one mistake, that character is dead and you move on to control the next character. It’s just dodge and parry, the button game with the cat in the pretentious hat.

Chapter 5: Back to the basics

This section is back to the simple get to the goal and beat things up along the way. This time Shrek and the gang went to Fairy Godmother’s house to get a happily ever after for him. When they arrive, Shrek doesn’t have an appointment and can’t get in, but Lil’ Red apparently had one and just leaves the group without a care in the world. Puss-in-Boots replaces her and not surprisingly very stealthy and agile. His abilities include walking on conveniently placed ropes to the switch and looking like a deranged orange when he jump.

[Gingerbread Man: “Things would be easier if I was brown”.

Mini: What kind was joke was that? A race one? A cookie joke? Is it even a joke? What was that?]

So they are headed to Jack and Jill’s farm to get a package so they can ‘deliver’ it to Fairy Godmother’s house. There is no reason to pad the game for this long and if they followed the movie’s route, it would have been long enough, but credit is given to inserting new places in the Shrek Universe. The only enemies are pumpkins infused with Fairy Godmother’s magic or drugs. Let’s be real she is the mafia. The rest of the map is just filled with easy puzzles using mostly Puss-in-Boots to solve them. This section is relatively easy and short, but that is only because it is just practice until Chapter 5 reveals its true self.

The real level is another “Hero Time” and this time it’s Puss-in-Boots turn. Platforming rears its disgusting face in the worst way possible. In platforming, it’s acceptable to have 5 to 6 platforms until a checkpoint, but there is no checkpoint in this whole thing. It consists of platforms, ropes, and piranhas. It’s all about timing on the ropes and which way is fastest to the goal because there is more than one path. It’s honestly not that hard, but that’s only because Mini did it.

[Mini: I’m done *walks out*

Allum: Where are you going?

Mini: To get coffee, so I can try to work out why you are trying to test my love.]

Chapter 6 and this time Mini is gone. Thank goodness this time, I didn’t need help.

It’s a pretty small map once again, but it follows the same format as Far Far Away. It is chock full of mini-games and this time they are not optional. These are far easier than the ones in Far Far away and are actually enjoyable. The music and the colors make it extremely fun and whimsical. There are cows, bees, and giant carrots in the map really adding to the farm atmosphere.

The story as to why Shrek and the others have to help out in the farm is because the Three Little Pigs are lazy and they won’t give them the package until Shrek and the others finish their own for them. This is probably one of the best maps in the game and most of the mini-games are rather fun. There are so many puns in this map that Mini would have left the city if they heard all of them. Every time the mini game begins or is complete, the pig who assigned it makes a pun. These puns are masterpieces and although the writing in this game is awkward most of time, this time it is A+.

A favorite would have to be the start of the chicken collecting mini-game.

[Pig: Now don’t go killing ze chickens, I don’t want Poultry-geist running around”

Allum: *snorts*]

This game has the party go around hitting chickens and then the chickens fly up into the air and then disappear into thin air, hopefully to their coop if not then into Lil’ Red’s pot of death. A small map with some enemies and roaming chickens. Simple and easy, nothing horrible about it. There is also an egg collecting game that is impossible to fail and is reminiscent of a Mario Party game. The needle in the haystack one is just a clusterfuck based on luck. There are either 16-25 haystacks and the needle is in one of them. The more haystacks are hit, the more rats are released. At one point there were so many rats, the poor slave called Gamecube started to make the worst crying sounds and the reaper named “Lag” showed itself.

As always there’s “Hero Time” and it’s Gingerbread Man’s turn. It has nothing to do with him being a cookie or any of his skills or acquaintances. This poor living cookie has to climb up a ridiculously large hill to get a pail of water while avoiding being crushed by giant tomatoes that want him decomposing for their future children. There is nothing sophisticated about it. It is just a simple ‘get to the goal’, but it is a waste of Gingerbread Man.

Finally, the Pigs give the gang the box to deliver to Fairy Godmother’s house. And guess who’s back! Mini came back to suffer with me. Oh yeah so is Lil’ Red.

Gingerbread Man left us probably because he needed a milk bath after the tomato incident and so Chapter 7 appears. Chapter 7 is when the game amps up the difficulty. It starts off easy in the first puzzle, which is just having Shrek move crystal orbs around until there are no more lasers in the way. If any of the characters hit the laser, a bunch of heavily armed men will show up. The best part of this section is that Smokey the Bear showed up sleeping on one of Fairy Godmother’s couches.

Now here’s where the game starts to flip its middle finger. “It’s Hero Time” with Lil’ Red and the Fairy Godmother. Now normally it only takes a couple of times to finish these mini-games, but NOT a full hour of my life. So this poor girl has to run on a 3 conveyer belts with giant spikes in between each one as a short magic-buffed grandma tries to sucker punch her into the afterlife with homing magic missiles. And all she has to defend herself are apples.

Eventually, Lil’ Red won and the chapter continues with our heroes finally making it to the potion room. It’s pretty much a team effort to get it and it’s fun.

Then it��s a mob fight. There are just so many. We lost a few times and the fight started from the beginning.

We wanted to just go to sleep, but there were only four more chapters left. We came too far.

There were at least more than 50 guys there and the feeling of death was washing over us. Still wasn’t over, Ryan Seacrest shows up as a boss fight. He hit pretty hard for a pretty boy, but he was no match for the patented, old ‘hit and run’. We beat him up and then his mommy comes to chase us out of their home. There was an actual chase scene, but far more manageable than her boss fight. But we did it, we got the potion.

[Allum: FINALLY!!!!

Mini: Don’t wake the neighbors.

Allum: They’re having sex again. Don’t even try. *sassy pose*]

8th Chapter is fine except for the “It’s Hero Time” segment. At this point in the game, Shrek and Donkey have transformed into a handsome guy and a white stallion. They’ve been locked up because Fairy Godmother sees him as too handsome. Now it’s finally time for new characters to have their time to shine.

This game feels new again because half of the party has been replaced. It’s jailbreak time with fairy tale characters. Gingerbread Man and Lil’ Red are back in action and finally on the team at the same time. They all have the same abilities as always. But there are two new characters, the Big Bad Wolf and Fairy. Starting with the Big Bad Wolf, he deals a lot of damage and his special is his blowing ability which helps with a lot of the puzzles. His animations and lines are actually rather nice and he plays similarly to Shrek as the tank except that he can stay in the air longer due to his dress.

Now onto the Queen herself, Fairy, she is amazing. Yes, her name is Fairy and no, she is not Tinkerbell. It says so on her character profile. Whatever, she’s so badass. She is the leader and drill sergeant of the team and she takes no BS. Her abilities include flying, granting others the ability to fly temporarily, and becoming a machine gun. Her normal attacks fire extremely fast and her movement speed is faster than anyone else. Her only bane is that because she is floating the entire time, she can’t press buttons or lift objects, but that’s what the others are for. She doesn’t need to do anything besides kill and float.

The actual level is a good old regular prison break mission. The goal is to break out 2 out of the 3 Little Pigs and Shrek and Donkey. There’s no big tricks or super aggravating things in this part. It boils down to bring something to somewhere to open a door, press a switch, or blow a giant boulder up/down a slope with Big Bad Wolf. There is actually some challenge with the game because if the characters are detected a lot of enemies will come to attack them and those enemies hit like a carriage. Overall, this is probably one of the best parts of the game along with Far Far Away and Jack and Jill’s Farm just because all the characters are really fun to play with.

“It’s Hero Time” is actually not rage inducing. It is far better than the previous one with Apple Thrower vs Magic Missile Caster. This time it’s the Big Bad Wolf’s turn and it’s technically the same as Puss-in-Boots’. It’s a simple get to the goal game except there is some platforming and instead of piranhas with predictable attack patterns, there are rolling bombs. Poor Wolfie has to do this to get the key to free Shrek and Donkey. We actually got it on our first try so that’s why this one isn’t so scathing as the others.

Time for Chapter 9 and now party switch-a-roo time!

[*Chapter 9 starts and playable characters show up*

Mini: You RUiNeD It! *Points at the screen* MY QUEEN.

Allum: More like your machine gun.

Mini: My Queen has fallen… *drops to her knees*]

Good-bye interesting cast of characters and interesting party chemistry. Welcome back Shrek, Donkey, and Puss-in-Boots. Interesting thing now is that Shrek and Donkey now count as one character because the whole time Human!Shrek is riding on top of Horse!Donkey. They are now the main damage dealers in the team and are extremely fast. Shrek now wields a giant lance and can throw an unlimited amount of damaging magic potions at enemies. They can break large objects and crystals. The two people from Fairy Tale Heist Team that stayed are the Gingerbread Man and the Big Bad Wolf.

However this stage is once again pretty good and rather easy. It’s just simply running through the map and slaying down enemies. The level is designed like a temple and looks like it was copy-and-pasted straight from a Lara Croft or Uncharted game. It’s a rather pretty level as it There is some pretty good background music too. It’s rather mystical sounding and pleasant to listen to.

There’s a pretty varied bunch of enemies here instead of just normal men. There are spiders, giant spiders, frogmen, and golems. The only real threats are the spiders and stone golems. The spiders have shown up before, but now there are more of them and if three of them gang up on any character, it’s basically instant death as there is no invincibility frames to allow the character to escape. The stone golems and the golden golem are probably the biggest threat because they have the largest HP bar and hit extremely hard, but can be easily taken down with Shrek’s magic potions.

“It’s Hero Time” and it’s almost the last one and it is genuinely a horrible experience. It is tiring and requires absolute focus, but it’s fucking hilarious. So Fairy Godmother surprises the gang and kidnaps Snow White in her glass casket. Then Shrek and Donkey chases after Fairy Godmother and Snow White as they’re racing down the in a mine cart. It would have been funnier if the controller didn’t go flying. Fairy Godmother takes at least 7 times to take her down and it’s a long mini-game for that. Shrek and Donkey are only allowed 1 hit and then they die. Never in my years have there ever been such pure, unadulterated hatred for a game and twisters in Harvest Moon exist.

After what felt like a lifetime, it’s over and the gang is back in Far Far Away. Chapter 10 and guess what, the gang are now firefighters and their mission comes from Smokey the Bear who turns out to also be Papa Bear. This was honestly the best part of this chapter. But also why isn’t Smokey helping out and if he was there to prevent fires, why are there several fires all over Far Far Away. No more bugging out into a pale blue death screen this time, thankfully.

It’s an easy mission of just putting out fires by using Big Bad Wolf or a water cannon and breaking down doors to let people escape. There wasn’t anything hard about it and is rather pointless. Smokey had no reason to stop these random group of people and tell them to put out all the fires and save all the people from the doors that won’t open from the inside. It contributed nothing and it was just to ease the player’s tension from the previous “It’s Hero Time” and to get them prepared for the next part of the level.

[Allum: It’s a trap. That giant gingerbread monster is going to appear and it’s going to be an escort mission.

Mini: That part’s obvious. Why are you freaking out?

Allum: I don’t know. One of us has still to react to this game.]

Surprise, it’s an escort mission. It’s even more aggravating this time. This time the gang is escorting Mongo, that giant Gingerbread Man, through the entire town. He’s such a huge target it’s not even funny. So the gang has to destroy the knights using water cannons/catapults that shoot disturbingly fast while running through roofs. Mongo is so easily killed and we actually had to turn up the brightness on the TV because we couldn’t see what we had to use to defeat the knights and if we actually got them.

After the roof section, it’s the same thing, but on the Far Far Away version of Beverly Hills. It is easier than the roof section as long as Shrek and Donkey are used correctly because now a bunch of enemies will come out and only Shrek and Donkey can knock them out easily. Mongo will be on one side of the street while Shrek and the others will be on the other. The Gingerbread Man can now direct Mongo to destroy obstacles on Mongo’s side of the road with his throwing cookies. It’s pretty creative and a test in multitasking and timing. Nothing feels better than throwing a cookie and more than thousands of dollars of property damage is done.

And finally the last “It’s Hero Time”, and who else would the last hero be in Shrek 2 than Mongo, the best character in the movie. This time it’s rather easy compared to the other ones because it is timed to be less than a minute and it is just a still turret section. The goal is to protect Mongo and it was the most exhilarating part of the game because the game was almost over. The banquet was almost upon us and we were not going to waste any more time.

So… Chapter 11… That lil’ old chapter. The banquet did not happen and we turned off the Gamecube and got coffee. Who cares about a sense of accomplishment? Neither one of us was willing to put anymore time on Shrek 2 for the Gamecube.

Let’s get this straight, WE DID NOT FINISH THE GAME. Because this section is such bullshit. It is a multi stage boss fight against Fairy Godmother. So Shrek and Donkey turned back to normal and Fiona is back in the party. GIngerbread Man and the Big Bad Wolf are nowhere to be seen. A part of me wished that we could finish it, but it’s just the worst thing ever. Fairy Godmother and Ryan Seacrest doesn’t fight fair. We got up to third stage and that’s it for the review.

So the first part of the boss fight is with the drunk knight that can take down half of a character’s health in one hit. But now there is 10 of them. And they surround the party in a circle. It took a while before we got the trick was just to wait in the middle because the knights can’t actually spin move all the way into the middle to hurt the party. They have an indicator to show when the knights will stop their spin moves and it’s that their armor will fall to their ankles. This took six times until we figured that out.

The next stage of the fight is with a troll that switches between running up to a character to hit them and throwing bombs. This troll showed up in previous chapters and is just as easy as the previous times. If anything this part is just to let the party heal up as there are health potions on platforms that only Puss-in-Boots can get to. This troll hits pretty hard, but goes down in 3 hits from a kicked back bomb.

The last stage that we got to is a pseudo fight. Fairy Godmother will come down to fight, but the fight stops after a little bit of her health is missing. The real part of the stage is when Ryan Seacrest shows up and makes a lame ass joke about Trolls and unleashes not 1, not 2, but 3 trolls onto the battlefield. We were probably just unlucky because 1 troll was throwing bombs while the other 2 came rushing at the party and easily took them all out every time. And that’s the end of our Shrek 2 journey.

In conclusion, play this game if you love Shrek or want to test the strength of your relationship. It’s a fun ride with friends, but it’s not the best game to play alone. Someone has to be there to share the rage and frustration. Most of the levels are pretty varied and no one level is the same. The music is rather whimsical and it’s clear that a good amount of effort was put into it. The cutscenes get worse the more you progress through the game and sometimes the AI will glitch out. Because we couldn’t finish the game, we found the credits in the menu and decided to watch it. It is fabulous and is better than any of the game’s cutscenes. Every name in the credits is accompanied by a renaissance caricature of the person and the background for the portrait is never the same. So the game is the same as the credits and the credits are the same as this review, far too much effort has been put into it.

#Shrek #shrek 2 #video games #review #game review #Allum's Reviews #joke #why #my life #movie #gamecube #nintendo #shitpost #wtf #wtf is wrong with me

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