Sick and twisted that I'm motivating myself to study by promising myself I can make a spreadsheet when I'm done
3 notes
·
View notes
My therapist asked me Tuesday if I thought part of why I keep debating whether to stay with my boyfriend or not (for those who missed it I broke up with him in March and then got back together a week later because I hadn’t actually given him a chance to respond to or change to the things I was unhappy about) was because I struggle with my making decisions in general.
And wow did that hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I’m no chidi from the hood place, but like I do agonize over a lot of decisions. (See my recent flight angst and every meaningless poll I’ve made here.) and it sounds weird but it was deeply relieving. It’s nice to know where a lot of the angst comes from. It also explains in part why the idea of breaking up with him feels like it would be a relief, because then the decision would be over and I wouldn’t have to make it anymore (in addition to the schedule relief) whereas staying together is more ongoing decision so the decision angst continues.
And not that that means we won’t break up still in the future, there’s a reason for the doubts after all but it’s nice to identify the source of some of the comfort and that it’s an okay source. Removes some of the meta worry (being worried about the angst, don’t have to worry about being stressed about the decision if you know you’re just stressed because decisions are hard)
She also brought up how we can’t ever be 100% sure of anything and that it’s okay to have things not be perfect.
So know I have made myself a little decision making spreadsheet to help me track how I feel about my boyfriend and whether or not I want to keep dating him. The hope being to stop the doom spiral from anytime something slightly upsets me and deciding that must mean he’s the worst for me and I need to break up with him and die alone. Because that’s not helpful or representative really of whether he’s a good fit for me or not.
And maybe it’s slightly neurotic to rank how feel about interactions with my bf, but I love me some data. And laying things out clearly to really see patterns. And see what’s actually happen verses getting distracted by doom spiraling (or conversely letting one good moment (or good sex and all those feel good hormones) ) over shadow the rest
9 notes
·
View notes
real question how/why do y'all use the bookmark button on ao3...
I never really use it but I know a lot of people use it to track what they've read, or a place to collect their favourite fics for re-reads, or any other way (tbf I have a spreadsheet for all of these actions)
so if you could all please let me know if/how/why you use the bookmark button maybe it'll give me ideas lol
13 notes
·
View notes
I have a thing for spreadsheets. I can't stop making them for everything. Each of my chapter fics have a spreadsheet with multiple sheets. There usually at least three sheets but some have like 10. I'm fully aware I use them a little obsessively (I cannot do anything without updating/adding onto the spreadsheet) but I can't stop now. Things are so much easier to navigate in writing because all the information and organization I need is in one spot, neatly laid out. Everyone should use spreadsheets in my opinion.
7 notes
·
View notes
spencer would be totally horny for my book log spreadsheet just saying
3 notes
·
View notes