#i love them!! and they were so interested to see Becca!

[dreamwritesimagines]

The Eye of the Hurricane [12] - Chase

A.N: Here’s the new chapter my loves! ❤️ Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, you made my day! ❤️I hope you’ll like this chapter as well and please don’t forget to tell me what you think! ❤️

Summary: Some car rides aren’t relaxing.

Word Count: 3200

Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Violence, death, guns, crime, blood, explicit language. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Series Masterlist

You hummed a song as you walked through the luxurious duplex penthouse, following the real estate agent who looked thrilled to be there.

“The skyline is absolutely gorgeous as you can see,” she said. “And just letting you know, I already have three very interested buyers—”

“They’ll wait,” you stated calmly and she paused for a moment, then smiled at you.

“Of course!” she said. “Just—you know, just a fun fact! Anyway, this floor has an open kitchen and two guest bedrooms, a bathroom…”

“Two guest rooms?”

“One of which could be turned into a nursery,” she said and winked at you. “Or you could hire me when it’s time for a family home.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you said with a weary smile, “but let’s just take that off the table for the moment.”

She held up her hands.

“And the upstairs has the primary bedroom suite with its own breathtaking terrace of course, the master bathroom and two walk in closets. Perfect for a newlywed couple if you ask me!”

You nodded your head. “Are the windows bulletproof?”

She blinked a couple of times.

“…I doubt it?” she said. “But we’re on the 50th floor.”

“And surrounded by other 50 floor skyscrapers,” you said and heaved a sigh. “That’s fine, we’ll get it fixed if we decide on this one.”

 “Would you like to see the terrace?” she motioned and before you could say anything, you heard footsteps coming closer and you looked over your shoulder to see Bucky stepping into the apartment.

“Hi gorgeous,” he said and approached you to press a kiss on top of your head, then turned to the real estate agent. “Viola. It's a pleasure to see you again.”

“Oh the pleasure is all mine Mr. Barnes,” she said with a giggle, a smile lighting up her face and you looked between them, raising your brows.

“Would you give us a moment while we check the terrace please, Viola?” you asked as you pulled Bucky by his vibranium arm to the huge sliding glass doors, then stepped outside.

Dear God, the skyline was absolutely gorgeous.

“So,” Bucky said. “What do you think?”

You clicked your tongue. “Before I answer that, I have a quick question.”

“Hm?”

“Did you fuck our real estate agent?”

He tilted his head, furrowing his brows together. “What?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Well because she got all flustered and smiley, and if you did it’s totally fine but it’s gonna be a little awkward honestly—”

“I didn’t!” he said. “She helped with Becca’s apartment, that’s how we know each other.”

“You own multiple skyscrapers in this part of the town and you needed a real estate agent?”

“Do I look like I am personally handling any of the buildings I own?” he asked and you rolled your eyes.

“Fine, fine…” you said. “So why were you late again? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago.”

“My mom dropped by the office,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders and you frowned.

“Why?”

“She wants us to reconsider the guest list.”

“You mean she wants us to invite more people?” you asked and he nodded his head.

“Yup. Good for business, apparently.”

“The guest list and the seating chart are already finished,” you said and he sat down on the nearest sofa which looked so comfortable from where you were standing.

“I mean, would inviting more people hurt?”  

“Yeah Bucky, it would hurt my head,” you said as you glanced at the fireplace in the corner of the terrace, then flung yourself on the armchair across from the sofa. “Winnifred is such a boy mom.”

“Oh come on,” he said with a small laugh. “She loves you.”

“Uh huh, until our divorce.”

He paused for a moment, then cleared his throat.

“I’m kind of convinced your father might actually shoot me when we announce our divorce, so...”

“He won’t shoot you,” you told him, waving a hand in the air. “That being said, we’re not inviting more people.”

“I told her the same thing, that’s why it took me half an hour to convince her,” he said, leaning back to shoot you a mischievous grin. “But I think she’ll get over it if we promise to name our firstborn daughter after her.”

You hummed. “You can get a fish.”

“A fish?”

“A tankful of them, you can name all of them after your family members,” you said and sat up straighter. “So, the apartment?”

“I’m good with it if you are,” he said and stole a look at the windows. “I don’t know shit about this building though, are the windows bulletproof?”  

“I asked the same thing, she said probably not.”

“It’s fine, we can get that fixed,” he said and you felt a smile curling your lips, then kicked at his shoe with yours.

“Come on,” you said as you got up from the armchair. “We should take a look at upstairs, apparently the terrace there is breathtaking as well.”

                                                 *

Apart from the fact that it only had two guest rooms, the penthouse was absolutely perfect. You figured since you were going to get a divorce, you didn’t really need multiple guest rooms at this point, and you were pretty sure you were going to use one of them as an armory anyway.

Before you would meet Becca and Leila for dinner, your father had asked you for lunch together so after you were done at the penthouse -your new home, you reminded yourself- you made your way to the familiar skyscraper of your father’s company, but then checked your wristwatch and pursed your lips together.

You were half an hour early, and you really didn’t feel like seeing Ian any more than necessary.

You took a look at the café across from the skyscraper and lingered there for a moment, then approached there and sat down at a table. The waitress came to you to take your order and you ordered a latte before pulling out your phone to text Becca about the penthouse, but before you could send all the photos, someone pulled the chair across from yours to sit down, making your head snap up.

“Romanoff?” you squeaked out, staring at the beautiful redhead and she gave you a calm smile.

“Natasha is fine,” she said. “Do you mind?”

“Not—not at all!” you managed to say, sitting up straighter. Even though Natasha was one of the major player in the city, you two hadn’t really spent any time together just like you and Stark. You knew she was good friends with Steve and sort of friends with Bucky, but other than that, she was mostly a mystery to you.

“I had a meeting with your father,” she said, pointing at the building with her thumb. “Was just leaving when I saw you and I figured I could give you my congratulations about the wedding.”

“Ah,” you said, nodding fervently. “Thanks. I um—I really appreciate it.”

“Quite the fast wedding though,” she pointed out, making you gulp.

“Yeah we figured, you know, we’ve known each other for all our lives.”

“Right,” she said. “Of course. So are you going to take over right after the wedding then?”

Your eyes widened and you gawked at her while the waitress brought your coffee, and turned to her.

“Could I get you anything?”

“No thank you, I won’t stay for long,” Natasha said and the waitress walked away as you cleared your throat.

“Um, I—” you stammered. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Her gaze was almost reprimanding as if you were trying to make her believe the table in front of her didn’t exist. You knew she was smart, no one who wasn’t smart would be able to survive at the top in this business for so long, but you had been hoping that you weren’t that obvious at the very least.

“I’m asking because if you’re going to do it at the wedding, I’m going to eat something beforehand,” she pointed out. “Considering your idiot cousin is not going to just let that happen, if bullets start flying…”

“What makes you think I want to take over?”

She let out a small laugh.

“Oh come on,” she said. “I never took you as naïve, the least you could do is return the favor. Not to mention, if you want me on your side when the time comes, you’re going to have to cut the bullshit.”

“And if that were true,” you said after a beat. “If I wanted to take over, what would be your opinion?”

She hummed.

“Well,” she trailed off. “For starters, you would make a better business partner than Ian, so you have that going for you.”  

“But…?”

“But you have no field experience,” she pointed out. “And practically zero support in the family.”

“I don’t necessarily need family support to take over,” you said. “It’s happened before. Most people follow power, no matter who holds it.”

“And the experience?”

“I have the training,” you said. “I’ll prove myself, I know very well that I have to.”

She arched a brow, then let a small smile curl her lips.

“Not to mention I’d keep the truce after taking over,” you said. “You can’t say the same thing for Ian.”

“Not very subtle, that one,” she murmured and you licked your lips.

“How did you know though?” you asked. “That I wanted it?”

She rolled her eyes.

“Your father has two starving dogs and only one steak,” she said. “Doesn’t take a genius, really. I told Clint about it way before you and Bucky got engaged.”

You huffed out a laugh and she pushed her chair back, then stood up.

“I mean you do have the training so you know how it ends, don’t you?” she asked. “One of you will have to tear the other’s throat out.”

That made you swallow thickly and you nodded your head, your teeth clenched together. She kept your gaze in hers for a couple of seconds, then shrugged her shoulders.

“Good luck,” she said calmly and walked away from you to get into her car, and you slid a little in your chair, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Thanks,” you muttered. “Good talk.”

                                             *

You had sent your bodyguards away for the night considering Becca already had hers who would accompany you to the nightclub. She had insisted on driving her car on the way there and you had a strong feeling that it was her way of showing Leila there was nothing to be intimidated about the business or her place in it, and that she could adapt to the civilian life just fine.

Love made people do all sorts of things, apparently.

Becca’s bodyguards’ car was following you as you leaned your head on the window, making yourself comfortable in the backseat and you took a look at your phone, then cleared your throat.

“Do you guys think I should text Ethan?”

Becca frowned at you from the rearview mirror before turning her attention on the road and Leila turned sideways in the passenger seat so that she could see you better.

“Do you want to?”

“I mean I feel like I should,” you said. “Technically, the guy took a bullet for me.”

Becca let out a noise of disagreement. “The guy took a bullet while you were there, it’s not the same thing.”

“He wouldn’t have got shot if I weren’t there though,” you pointed out and Leila hummed.

“I mean he’s gonna have to get over the fact that you’re in love with someone else and getting married,” she said. “If you’re friends…”

“We are.”

“You were only friends because he was hoping it would turn into a relationship,” Becca sang in a teasing manner and you rolled your eyes at her.

“I actually like spending time with him though,” you said. “I don’t know, I can’t help feel a bit guilty because—”

You were interrupted when a police car turned the corner to get in between you and Becca’s bodyguards’ car and flashed its headlights, signaling at you to pull over. Becca’s eyes snapped up to yours in the rearview mirror as your stomach dropped and you sat up straighter while Leila looked over her shoulder.

“Babe, they’re telling us to pull over.”

Becca’s jaw clenched before she cleared her throat while you unbuckled your seatbelt.

“Do you mind changing seats with Y/N, my love?”

“Why?”

“Because that’s not the police,” you told her. “No police in this city ever stops us.”

“What do you—” she started but let out a scream when another car hit Becca’s bodyguards car from the side, making it stop as the bullets started flying. Becca reached out to make her duck and you looked back, letting out a curse.

“Leila, the car is bulletproof,” Becca said, her voice calm as if there weren’t bullets hitting the car. “It’s all going to be fine, I just need you to change seats with Y/N.”

“O—okay…” Leila stammered and pushed herself through the small gap between her and Becca’s seat to reach the backseat, and you squeezed at her arm.

“Nothing will happen to you, just keep your head down,” you assured her and pulled your gun from your purse, then got on the passenger seat, adrenaline running through your veins.

“HYDRA?”

“Has to be,” Becca said as she sped up the car, swirling the car left and right so that some of the bullets wouldn’t hit it. “What are you thinking?”

You checked the GPS on the screen. “Sam’s territory.”

“Alright,” she muttered as she found and touched his name on the screen while you counted the bullets that seemed to be endless with the way they were raining on the car.

“Sooner or later that motherfucker is gonna have to change the magazine—”

“Hi Becca,” Sam’s voice reached the car. “Um, why am I hearing gunshots?”

Becca swirled the car on the road again. “HYDRA is following us, I’m in the car with Y/N and Leila.”

“What?!”

“It’s fine, Bucky made sure the car was bulletproof the day I bought it,” Becca added. “Listen, Sam I’m sharing my location with you, we’re like two minutes away from your territory and HYDRA’s men are right behind us so we can’t turn back—”

“I’m sending the cars and calling Buck,” Sam said and Becca hung up the phone as you opened the car window, then leaned out of the window and fired the shot at the man’s hand when he slid the next magazine into the gun, making him let out a yell. You quickly got back in and huffed out a breath.

“They have a bulletproof car as well but that should slow them down for a couple of seconds,” you muttered and turned to look at Leila who was still covering her head, curled up on the backseat.

“Leila?” Becca said. “Talk to me.”

“I—I think I’m fine?” Leila replied, her voice shaking. “Jesus Christ…”

“I’m really sorry about this,” Becca said and Leila shook her head.

“It’s not your fault Becca.”

The bullets started hitting the car again and you gritted your teeth, then checked the GPS again while Becca stepped on the accelerator.

“Babe, remember how you asked why the truce was so important in this city?” she asked Leila. “This is why.”

The moment your car entered Sam’s territory, two cars coming from the opposite direction turned their headlights on and wheezed past you, surrounding the car behind you. Becca pulled over and let out a breath, closing her eyes for a moment before she reached out to hold your hand to squeeze it.

“You okay?”

“Mm hm,” you said, your heart still beating in your ears as your phone started vibrating on the backseat. “You?”

“Peachy,” she said as she unbuckled her seatbelt, and touched Leila’s back. “Leila?”

Even you could tell that Leila was shaken up but she raised her head and wiped at her eyes, sniffling.

“I’m okay,” she rasped out. “Is it safe now?”

“Yeah,” Becca said. “I—Leila, I’m incredibly sorry for this…”

“Not your fault,” Leila said, her voice still trembling even if she tried to smile. “And I’m fine. We’re all fine.”

“I’ll give you guys a minute,” you managed to say and grabbed your phone before you stepped out of the car. Bucky’s name was flashing on the screen and you took a deep breath, then answered it and took it to your ear.

“Becca is fine,” you said. “Leila too. Sam’s people are here.”

There was a second of silence on the other side of the line before you heard Bucky letting out a relieved breath.

“Sweetheart?” he said, his voice gentle. “Are you alright?”

You bit inside your cheek, still trying to get rid of the fear churning your insides.

“Mm hm.”

“Did you get hurt?”

“No, I shot one of them in the hand,” you said, your eyes falling on the three HYDRA men Sam’s people had dragged out of the car. The sight of one of them still holding onto his bleeding hand made the anger rush through your system so fast that it made your head spin, your vision going red.

Attacking you was one thing but attacking your friends and putting them in danger was another.

And you were not going to let that happen.

“Good job,” Bucky said softly as if trying to calm you down. “I’m on my way, alright?”

“Uh huh,” you said and hung up as you gripped your gun tighter, then pushed the phone into your pocket to make your way to the crowd. Sam’s people all turned to you before one of them stepped closer and you tried to focus through the blinding anger, dragging your gaze from the captives to her.

“Ma’am,” she said, stretching out her hand so that you could shake it with your free hand. “My name is Aubrey. Mr. Wilson let us know about what happened, he is on his way here. Is everyone in the car alright?”

“Yeah,” you said through frozen lips. “Thank you Aubrey. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” she said and you walked past her to get closer to HYDRA’s men. The one who was cradling his bloody hand glared at you, then spat at the ground.

“Doesn’t matter where you take us, I’ll die before I speak,” he growled and you arched a brow, then shrugged your shoulders calmly as if fury wasn't pounding in your head.

“Happy to follow your schedule buddy.”

You raised your gun and fired it right between his eyes, his lifeless body hitting the ground as the loud shot echoed through the road. Aubrey raised her brows and exchanged glances with one of her men while you lowered the gun and wiped the blood off your face.

“I’ll be over there until my fiancé gets here,” you said, motioning at the direction of Becca’s car. “Thanks again.”

 With that, you made your way to the car and jumped to sit on the trunk so that you wouldn’t interrupt Becca and Leila’s conversation. You put the gun beside you with a sigh, then crossed your legs and leaned back on your palms, adrenaline still roaring through you.

“Great,” you murmured, turning your gaze up to the sky. “Here goes my night I guess.”

Chapter 13

[wingzie]

The Definition of Jikook: Through Others Eyes

“Becca, how would you define Jikook?” In the last few months I have been asked this several times. And not by Jikookers. Since my bad experiences with offline events, I decided (in typical “me” fashion) to just throw myself out there and keep moving forward. This included joining more Twitter GC’s or Discord Servers and going to more offline events. In one of the most recent events, I lived locally and wanted to help. Therefore, I offered to escort some anxious Army from the train station to the venue.

Anyway, I was still cautious about going and, though there were a few odd moments, the event went really well overall. Something else kindled during this event that I did not expect: The desire to talk more about jikook. Before, even mentioning Jikook as a unit and not as Jimin and Jungkook was almost seen as a taboo. Especially compared to the other units that we are familiar with. Due to me no longer giving a damn and using my main twitter account, people relating to the event knew who I was and they had questions. Very interesting questions. About Jikook. About their enlistment. About the travel show. This was a pleasant surprise and it shocked me that some of these people already knew quite a lot without me telling them anything. Including some information that I thought was only in the Jikook circles. I asked one person why they didn’t talk about Jikook as much on Twitter and they said because they were scared with all the shipper fights. Which is quite valid really. If all you see whenever Jikook is mentioned is constant fighting, then you would distance yourself. It made me realise something though: 

Even if someone isn’t talking about Jikook. They are still watching and are very much aware of what is going on.

Sometimes we amplify the wrong things and we give the loudest voices to the negative comments. When I do the Live Reactions series, I will sometimes have hundreds of positive screenshots to go through and then(somehow) pick twenty-five of them for the thread. It was really interesting to see so many people talking about Jungkook going Live whenever Jimin went overseas or about the travel show. It also reminded some of moments that were sadly forgotten about.

This touches on something else too. Our traditions as a fandom have somewhat changed. With the removal of the social media awards, we no longer boost BTS’ history like we used to. Elon has also changed how we find content, with the removal of “moments” and advanced searching now being really difficult to find things. There is still hope though. With Jin’s return, it was lovely to see so many asking about Jin as a person or how Festa would work. Sharing old memories and watching Bang Bang Con together added so much value to our experiences together as a fandom.It’s something we should treasure. 

BTS have shared so much with us and it’s why I’ll forever be thankful for archive accounts. With every post or comment shared with others, we encourage them to learn more about the members or to watch content they may not have seen before. I experienced this myself when I mentioned Bon Voyage to someone who didn’t know what it was. They had only watched “In the Soop” and were excited by the concept of the members going abroad together. I hope they enjoy it!

Going back to Jikook, I have seen an increase of positive engagement surrounding them. This includes in both online and offline spaces. It makes me excited for when the travel show comes out and the conversations it will create, with so many already floating around. When I am asked how I define them myself, I try to turn it around. It doesn’t matter what I think about Jikook or how I define them. That should be obvious by my account. What matters is how others do and the respect that it holds.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

It’s been a bit since I wrote about feral!Bucky but I genuinely cannot put into words how much Steve (and me) loves him

Bucky now associates physical touch with pain, with torture. He hides from visitors, scampers away from touch, and never lets anyone get close to him. Nevertheless, Steve wakes up from a nap one day with Bucky curled into his side, and Steve is pretty sure that if he could, Bucky would be purring like a kitten. 

“Bucky?” Steve asks tentatively, trying not to spook him. Bucky doesn’t seem to be upset by Steve sudden consciousness, instead just making a small noise and wrapping his arms around Steve’s chest possessively. He mumbles something that sounds like “Stevie”. 

“You alright, angel?” Steve asks with a grin, confused but pleased with the change in Bucky’s demeanor. He knew Bucky had always been closer with Steve, trusting him more than others, but this was still new territory. He slides his arms around Bucky, which causes Bucky to make a happy noise that Steve hasn’t heard in years. 

————

Also, maybe Bucky’s a bit territorial now that he’s been given more freedom. The poor thing doesn’t know what to do with himself. However, after consulting a bunch of psychiatrists and Dr. Banner, Steve knows what he needs to do. He empties out an old walk in closet, and fits it with as many soft things as he can find. He buys as many plushies as he can afford, and stuffs the closet with them. He remembers how much Bucky hates harsh lights now and decides to buy those pretty string lights that Peter has in his room at the tower. He shows it to Bucky when it’s finished and they’ve both had a good day. 

“It’s all your own space, Buck. I’m never going to come in here without your permission. I swear it.” Steve says, holding Bucky’s hand, which lately Bucky won’t let go of. 

“It’s… mine?” Bucky says, slowly, tentatively. He’s scared that all of this will be taken away. 

“Yeah, Buck. Yours.” Steve says, as comforting and securely as I can, trying to make his confidence transfer to Bucky. 

Steve is tackled in a hug, and there are tears wetting his shirt. He hugs Bucky back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Thank you.” The whisper is so soft, so small, that it’s almost imperceptible. But Steve hears it. He’ll always hear Bucky. 

————

Then, of course, there’s the moment when Steve’s telling Bucky about life back in Brooklyn, a topic that Bucky is very interested in. He’s going on about something that they did to piss off Becca (“we were teenagers, Buck. The best entertainment we had was making that poor girl mad.”) when Bucky stops him. 

“I remember.”

Steve drops the pencil he’s holding. “You… You do?” There’s so much hope in his voice. There’s unshed tears in Bucky’s eyes, and a small smile on his face. 

“Yes. Rebecca. My Becca.” Bucky’s smile gets bigger, as does Steve. Steve rushes to his side, hugging him. Bucky’s crying, and Steve’s not far behind him. Bucky laughs, and it is the best goddamn sound Steve Rogers has ever heard. “She was so mad. I can’t believe we did that.” He giggles, and it makes Steve feel like maybe everything will be okay. 

previous feral!Bucky

Me too! I am such a fucking sucker for feral Bucky

I am beside myself thinking about Bucky being so touch adverse only for Steve to wake up and find him tucked into his side 😫 and there's something so special, too, about Bucky having moments in recovery where he's so suddenly more himself. It makes it so much more painful to see the rapid realignment. It's as if he's found two loose ends and knotted them together as quickly as his fingers would allow to ensure that he doesn't misplace them again. Gah! It's so just 🤌🏻ouch🤌🏻

Oh my god!! The territorial thing, yes! I've had this in my notes for actual years, waiting for me to come back to it and do something with it:

Sometimes, during Bucky's recovery, he latches onto things with this ferocity, holding until his fingers hurt, distraught when he accidentally breaks it, if the object of desire is fragile, claiming "mine." He won't let anyone touch it, not unless it's over his dead body. Steve has genuinely never been so distraught and proud of someone for grabbing a mug and declaring it as their own. Bucky deserves to have his own things.

Same wavelength, lmao

That's so fucking sweet, though! I love the idea of Bucky having his own space. (And I love the idea of Peter's room in the tower having fairy lights. Fuck yeah.)

Ah! That last part is the fucking best. Steve will never be as eager to be interrupted as he is when he's in the middle of a story, and Bucky stops him because he remembers. He doesn't need to tell him again, he remembers. Steve could fucking kiss him. Steve will kiss him. Steve will pick him up and spin him around, clutching his waist all the while, a huge grin on his face.

In conclusion:

Thank you so, so much for this!!

[avatarl0v3r]

NeteyamxFem!HumanReader Reincarnated part 1

Requested: Yes

Index: The readers parents were killed in the war between the sky people and the Na'vi they fought with the Na'vi the reader was trained to fight and survive by Jake she ended getting close to the Sully kids years later both her and the Sully family had to leave and find someone to stay to protect the clan from the next threat. Warnings: Character death, lots of angst, and cussing

"Go!" You say sternly turning to face Lo'ak, and Neteyam they both jumped into the water you following after shortly while being shot at.

As you come up for air you feel a sharp pain throughout your whole body mainly your chest Lo'ak and Neteyam are on the ilu Tisreya hanging on "You both are idiots you know that" You say your voice strained Tisreya looks at you her eyes widening at the sight "Y/n" Shock lasing her words.

Neteyam looks over "Shit" He pushed Lo'ak off the ilu and swam to you and grabbed you with Tisreyas help lifting you onto the ilu with him he rode away to a rock where he seen his dad.

"Dad, Dad its Y/n shes been shot," He helped lift you up with his dads help "watch her head" He kept repeating.

When you were laid down on the rock he jumped out the water and came and sat by your side holding your hand Jake lifted you a bit to see how deep the wound was "Fuck" He said laying you back down everyone was now next to you he grabbed Neteyams hands "Pressure! apply pressure" Neteyam put pressure on your wound you hissed in pain.

Neytiri showed up and seen you on the ground she jogged over and got on her knees worried about losing you.

"We're losing her!" You reach and grab Neteyams hand "Neteyam," you struggle to get air into your lungs as you try to finish your sentence "i-" Your gripped loosened completely Neytiri started to scream and cry uncontrollably Neteyam started to cry begging for you to come back.

Jake tried calming them down "Our work here isn't done, i need you back" He said as he grabbed Neytiri's face he then looked at Neteyam "Where are your sisters," he only looked at him "i said where are your sisters" He looked at the ship "On the ship" Jake and Neytiri went to go find their daughters leaving Neteyam with you.

Back at the village that night

Neteyam was swimming next to your body as it lay in a large leaf he watched as you body floated to the bottom of the sea "Mother always said all energy was borrowed and one day must be returned I guess this is what she meant"

Neteyam didn't have any reaction as he watched your body be swallowed by the sea later that night Tisreya took him to the tree of life he attached his queue and closed his eyes.

Neteyam opened his eyes to see you standing there where the two of you always sparred Neteyam ran to you and hugged you tightly not letting go "Neteyam you can not longer see me at the tree of life again" He looked at you confused by your words "I wish I could join you, but this will have to be enough" He grabbed your hand looking into your eyes "What do you mean? Cant I just see you again?".

You shook your head in response "Maybe in another life we'll meet again" Neteyam shook his head "And what if we don't" You smiled "We've met before, and we'll meet again in another life."

The present

10 year old you sits up in your bed sweating and crying the "nightmare" didn't scare you it never has it feels more like deja vu as if that had really happen you turned and laid back in your bed covering up.

The next morning you seen your friend Rebecca "Becca, i had that dream again the one about the blue aliens and humans at war" Rebecca looks at you interest in her eyes "Ouu was that boy in it again" You rolled your eyes and laughed at her "We both want to be in the military so who knows maybe those blue alien things are real and maybe one day we'll get to go to Pandora" you smiling at the end.

I love this request and there will be parts to this story and time skips.

Everyone that commented on this i will tag in the next part it’ll be posted at 1 am EST

THESE ARE THE OUTFITS SHE WEARS

i own non of these photos

HUMAN: AVATAR:

[zepskies]

And So It Goes - Part 18

Pairing: Billy Butcher x OFC (Latina!OC)

Summary: As Madelyn Stillwell’s personal assistant, Helena Flores finds herself caught between protecting her job, and more importantly her life—or helping Billy Butcher bring down the supe who killed her best friend, Becca.

Word Count: 5,600

Tags/Warnings: Love triangle, tension, more of Ben’s asshole behavior, angst, hurt/comfort, implied smut

ASIG Series Masterlist

18: Being Human

Maybe I really do have a death wish, Helena thought, as she let the most wanted supe alive into her home.

Butcher and Hughie joined him, with the latter taking in her two-story house for the first time.

“Nice,” Hughie said with a nod. “This place is beautiful.”

Helena gave him a small smile. “Thank you.”

Though she gave Ben a pointed look. “Try not to break it, please.”

He shot her a raised brow, but didn’t comment. Instead, he watched her turn and show them one of the guest bedrooms on the first floor. Meanwhile, his gaze lingered on the curve of her ass in those jeans.

Butcher caught the supe’s lazy perusal with a sharp eye. Ben felt his stare and had the gall to shoot him a wink with his smile. Ben’s steps had a certain swagger as he followed Helena down the hall.

It succeeded in setting Butcher even more on edge.

Hughie glanced over at his friend with concern; he’d seen the exchange between the men and didn’t like the fact that Helena was caught in the middle. More and more, he was starting to question just what the hell they were doing.

“Are you sure about this?” Hughie asked.

Butcher didn’t even look at him. His ears were perked to the conversation Soldier Boy and Helena were having down the hall, about fresh bedsheets, of all things.

“There’s no turning back now,” Butcher said.

Hughie frowned. “I know, but…”

Butcher ignored him in favor of starting down the hall to follow Helena and the unstable supe he’d brought into her home.

After everyone had showered and changed and devoured a few pizzas Helena had ordered, Ben puttered through her living room, rummaging through her things. He opened drawers and surveyed her various picture frames, like he was actually interested in her life or something.

“Got any reefer?” he asked.

Helena rolled her eyes. There goes that theory.

Not that she wanted his interest.

“Fresh out,” she said wryly.

She watched him from her corner of the sofa while Hughie graciously did the dishes. Butcher was sitting at the breakfast nook with a cup of tea.

Helena knew he was monitoring the supe out of the corner of his eye, but she was now very careful in what she left on the TV. She didn’t think Dumb and Dumber should have anything triggering.

She eyed him more sharply when Ben started thumbing through her record collection.

“Hey, easy with my vinyl, please,” she said. “It’s vintage.”

He raised up one of your favorites: I Wanna Dance with Somebody.

“Sweetheart, I’m vintage. I think Whitney Houstonis safe with me,” he quipped wryly.

She rolled her eyes at him, but she had to fight a laugh. 

“I knew her, by the way,” he mentioned. 

Helena’s interest was piqued, with a tilt of her head. “Did you?”

“Yeah. Her and Bobby knew how the fuck to get down. That’s for damn sure.”

“Oh my God,” Helena giggled.

Butcher couldn’t fucking believe what was happening in front of him.

Well, technically, behind him. He was facing the kitchen, and it gave Hughie the vantage point to see Butcher’s irritation.

Helena was more amused than disgusted by the man’s ridiculous flirting. He was an old, old man in that 40s-ish, practically indestructible body. He was like a man out of time, complete with outdated sexism and hyper-machismo. His attempts were often so obvious, it was funny.

But, she also felt guilty for being able to laugh and be pleasant, when this was a man who had killed, and not just during his PTSD-fueled episodes over the past few days. This was the man who murdered M.M.’s grandfather.

The problem was, she had long ago become desensitized to asshole supes. And she couldn’t help her gut instinct…that there was more to Ben than met the eye.

Helena called it a night an hour or so later, when her eyes were starting to droop. She’d slept for a couple of hours in the car, but there was nothing like being back in her safe space, in fresh clothes, and soon to be in her own bed.

A knock at her bedroom door had her frowning in confusion. She put on a robe over her pajamas and opened the door. Her brows raised at finding Butcher there.

“Hey,” he said. His voice was deep and tired, full of gravel. He tried to slip past her inside the room, but she grabbed the doorjamb, blocking his way. She gave him a flat look.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked. He gestured to the bed with raised brows.

“To sleep. I’m fucking knackered, love.”

Helena’s lips formed a thin smile.

“There’s a guest bedroom down the hall,” she said. For a moment, they just stared at one another, as one refused to leave, and the other refused to bend.

“Hel,” Butcher tried.

“You ended this,” she said, pushing him back with a hand in the center of his chest.

“Technically, that was you,” he returned. He backed up a step, but wouldn’t let her move him much farther. 

This time, her lips pursed and her expression tightened.

“You know what you said, Billy,” she said. “And you know what you did. You still don’t even have the decency to apologize.”

She stepped closer into his orbit, until her breasts barely brushed against his chest. He could feel the warmth of her skin under the thin cotton of her shirt, could see that she wasn’t wearing a bra.

She leaned up on her toes and almost brushed her lips against his. She smelled minty fresh, along with the jasmine shampoo she often used.

“You…don’t get any part of this,” she said. “And you certainly don’t get to make some kind of claim on me just because you’re jealous.”

Helena pulled away. Butcher didn’t know what was more infuriating: not being able to touch her, or the deadly accuracy of her words.

“Jealous?” he said incredulously. “Of fucking what, might I ask?”

Instead of answering him, she smiled and closed her door in his face.

Butcher was left in the hall, teeth gritted and fists clenched. What the bloody hell just happened?

When he couldn’t stand the silence any longer, he trudged down the hall and into the second bedroom, where Hughie was already slipping into the queen-sized bed. Butcher yanked him out of bed, despite the younger man’s yelp and protest.

“Hey!”

“There’s a couch nice and comfy there for ya,” Butcher said, gesturing at the nearby sofa. It was little more than a loveseat. If Hughie was lucky, it would only be his legs hanging off the side.

He frowned. “Come on, man.”

Butcher shrugged off his jacket and boots, tossing them on a nearby accent chair.

“You can try your luck bunking with Soldier Boy downstairs, but that might be ill-advised,” he retorted.

And he got into bed, turning out the bedside lamp as he went.

Helena slept for maybe a couple of hours before her eyes opened in the dark, her heart racing. She groaned and covered her face with a hand.

She still saw flashes of manic blue eyes in her mind, a hand wrapped around her throat. She felt throbbing pain radiating from the side of her head and half her ribcage.

It forced her out of bed in search of her medication, which Butcher had somehow gotten for her without a prescription. She chose to ignore that fact, and she grabbed her pill bottle, put on her favorite robe over her pajamas, and ventured downstairs for a glass of water.

When she turned on the kitchen light, her bleary eyes made out a shape sitting at the breakfast nook.

She jumped halfway out of her skin, until she realized that it was just Ben, sitting there with two cartons of Mint Milano cookies and three empty beers from her fridge. He raised his brows at her.

“Evening, sweetheart,” he said, smirking when he eyed her fuzzy purple robe. “Cute.”

“Down, boy,” she warned. She laid a quivering hand on her chest and caught her breath. “You scared the shit out of me.”

She retrieved the jug of water from the fridge and asked him if he wanted some. He shook his head, leaving her to consider him as she poured herself a glass of water. She saw the familiar threads of self-medicating with the empty beer bottles.

“I can make you some tea,” she offered.

Ben frowned. “Piss water, you mean? I’ll pass.”

Helena rolled her eyes. She got out the chamomile anyway and started up the kettle. It was an electric brewer, so the water would be hot within minutes.

“It could help you sleep better,” she pointed out. She felt his hot gaze on her back as she went about her business in the kitchen. She set up two mugs and took out the bottle of honey.

“One of two things helps me sleep,” said Ben. “Good drugs or a good fuck.”

Helena paused. Her hand clenched on the honey bottle on reflex, and made a large spurt squeeze out in one of the mugs. She eyed him tartly over her shoulder.

“You’ll find neither in this house,” she said. Her tone was pointed. His sly gaze said he wasn’t too sure about that.

“What’s keeping you up?” she asked, and she put a cup of tea in front of him with honey already stirred in. He gave her a flat look.

“I don’t drink that shit,” he said. She smiled.

“But I made it especially for you,” she replied, saccharine sweet. “I thought guys like you were supposed to be chivalrous.”

Ben just stared at her, hard.

She stared at him right back and raised her brows.

“Just try it,” she cajoled. “You might like it.”

He still didn’t look convinced, but after a moment, he slowly reached out and took the handle of the mug. He brought it to his lips and took a reluctant sip.

He grimaced. It was everything he thought it would be: weak in flavor, but warm and a hint sweet.

Helena smiled in satisfaction, and he fought one of amusement, even as he considered how sweet she might be to taste.

She went to get her own mug and her bottle of pain meds. While her back was turned, Ben poured most of the tea into the sink.

“Why’re you in my kitchen, eating all my cookies?” she asked, glancing back at him over her shoulder while holding up one of the empty boxes of Milanos. “These are my favorites.”

Ben’s gaze roamed down the length of her fuzzy robe. It hinted at curves he’d already seen and taken note of. She was the hottest young thing he’d seen in…well, a while. Still, he’d be willing to eat up Miss Chiquita Banana and leave no crumbs.

“I’ve slept long enough,” he said. She turned back around, and he tried to disguise his hunger (for now). 

Helena glanced up at him wryly. “Hmm. You’re allowed to say you can’t sleep.”

Ben didn’t answer, but he watched her struggle to open her pill bottle. She twisted and twisted the cap, applying pressure, but it refused to budge.

“Damn it. What, did they reinforce this with, titanium?” she muttered.

The pill bottle eventually broke free, raining little white pills onto the counter. A few of them rolled off to the floor.

Her shoulders deflated. “Of fucking course.”

With a sigh, she slowly bent down and gathered up the pills that fell. She grabbed onto the counter, but the sharpening pain in her ribs wouldn’t let her straighten up, let alone get back onto her feet. She looked up at Ben in annoyance. He was just sitting there, watching her in bemusement.

“Coño pero… Are you gonna help me, Mr. Chivalry?” she snarked. “Best generation, indeed.”

Ben raised a brow at her. “I might, if you ask a little fucking nicer.”

Helena gaped at him. What a dick.

But she expected nothing less, really. She let out a tense breath through her nose and through much effort, she angled a less pissed off face at him.

“Will you please give me hand off the damn floor?” she asked.

A smirk crossed his lips. He actually obliged her, sliding off his seat and coming her way around the kitchen counter. He bent down and helped her up with a hand on her lower back and her elbow. He didn’t back away from her until her feet were steady on the ground, and she nodded in thanks. He took a few pills out of her hand as payment, popping them into his mouth like Tic Tacs.

Helena sighed in annoyance. Unlike him, she actually needed those.

“Why’re you up, anyway?” Ben asked.

“Well, I could blame it on the pain,” she replied, after downing two pills with her water. “But um…I keep replaying yesterday in my head, over and over like a bad movie. It always stops at the part where I look up at Homelander’s psychotic fucking eyes, and I just…I knew.”

Helena shook her head. Ben’s lips tugged downward.

“Knew what?” he asked.

“I’m officially on his hit list now,” she said. 

She knew it was partly her own fault. She chose to follow Butcher, to keep making reckless decisions. But at least now she wouldn’t have to spend every damn second of every day looking over her shoulder. She could just turn around and accept whatever happened next.

Helena could admit it though. She was afraid.

“What’s it like, not being afraid?” she asked Ben, with a small sarcastic huff. His brow arched.

“When you’ve routinely pounded Nazis up the ass, nothing much bothers you after that,” he said, sipping at his mug of tea. Though he soon grimaced again at the taste and pushed the offending drink away.

Deep inside, however, he refused to acknowledge the darker chasms. Stolen years that were now blurred together in memory, and yet, certain moments rang painfully clear. His eyes were unseeing for a moment, before they glanced back up at Helena.

He nearly missed the way she chuckled.

“That shit isn’t fooling for a second,” she said. “I saw you lose your grip, Ben.”

His gaze sharpened. His fist clenched on the counter.

“Careful, sweetheart,” he warned.

Her eyes narrowed. “Let me ask you a question. Do you really not remember M.M.’s family? Or was that routine for you too?”

He paused, his brows crunched in irritation.

“I don’t have to fucking justify myself to you. I was doing my fucking job. Sometimes—”

“What, shit happens?” She threw her hands up mockingly. “God, you’re just like Homelander. Like almost every supe I’ve ever met.”

He rolled his eyes, dismissive, but his anger was prickling just under the surface of his stoic front.

And on the off chance that it was a mask for any spark of shame he felt deep down, Helena was at least a little satisfied. For 100-something years of machismo and supe arrogance, that spark would’ve been well-won. 

“Regret is human, Ben,” she said. “So is fear. And pain. And love.”

His face remained stoic. “I’m a lot fucking more than human.”

She huffed at that. “If you say so.”

She shook her head and delved back into her pantry. As a peace offering, she broke out her secret backup stash of cookies, that she doubted even Butcher knew about. They were raspberry and milk chocolate Milanos. She subtly shook the box at Ben with a smile.

He tilted his head. “I don’t remember that flavor.”

“Ooh. Brace yourself,” said Helena. She dug out the first two sleeves of cookies and gave him one.  

“How come there’s five in yours?” he asked with a frown. There were only four cookies in his sleeve. 

“The Lord giveth, and he taketh away,” she joked. “I get the bonus cookie.”

Ben gave her a deadpan look, but he ate in silence. He looked all surly, and she had to hold in a laugh. What a man-child.

Instead, she tossed her extra cookie at him. He raised a hand to instinctively fend off a projectile.

“Hey,” he said, with his mouth full.

Helena ended up giggling at the sight of crumbs falling from his mouth and in his beard. Again, man-child.

She wanted to hate him.

She should hate him, on principle alone.

Perhaps she had a weakness for deeply flawed men with massive egos. But fleeting as they were, she saw the glimpses of humanity in Ben—rare moments that got swallowed up by Soldier Boy.

In the morning, Butcher aimed to work on the list of safehouses where one of his most paranoid of ex-teammates, Mindstorm, could be hiding out. This next one was a few hours north. He’d be gone for the day, at least.

He was forced to leave Helena and Hughie behind, but not without a warning for the latter. Butcher had pulled Hughie aside and let him know that he wasn’t to leave her alone with Soldier Boy again, under any circumstances. Hughie didn’t have to ask “or what.”

Butcher was gone early in the morning. It allowed Helena and Ben to make their way into the kitchen slower in the morning. She was dressed for the day with her coffee mug in hand, sitting at the breakfast nook while Hughie caught up on the news from her laptop in the living room.

Ben grabbed a cup of coffee and took a seat next to her.

“What do you say you get started on breakfast. Huh, baby doll?” he asked. Or more like demanded, by his actual tone.

Helena shot him a dry look. “There’s cereal in the pantry.”

“Come on, now. I could use a home cooked meal,” he said.

Her brow twitched in irritation.

“It might be nice, since I have cracked ribs at the moment, if you might make yourself something,” Helena replied.

Ben gave her a smirk as he eyed her. “Why would I do that when you look like a perfectly good cook.”

“Oh, I am,” she said. “But I’m neither your servant nor your maid.”

“You’ve got two working hands, don’t you?” Ben remarked, as he sipped his coffee. “God fucking knows you’ve got a working mouth.”

Helena seethed as she got up from her chair, but not to make anyone a damn thing. She went to the sink to dump her empty coffee mug. She turned back to Ben and opened her mouth to say something she would very likely regret, but Hughie interjected, perhaps seeing that an explosion was about to happen.

“Uh, why don’t I make us something?” he said, getting up from the couch and heading into the kitchen with Helena. “I can whip us up some scrambled eggs. Bacon, if you’ve got it. Ooh, looks like you’ve got bread to make toast.”

She gave him a tight smile. “Knock yourself out.”

She ate her eggs on the couch in simmering silence while the news played on the TV. Hughie sat with her, casting her a look of concern every now and then. She ignored it all, including Ben’s less than discreet grumpy staring.  

Apparently, he couldn’t contain himself any longer.

“I swear to Christ. What the fuck is wrong with women today?” he said.

What a good start, Helena thought sarcastically.

“My mom never kept my father waiting for a meal. Even when he came home at whatever goddamn hour of the night, she had a plate waiting for him,” he said.

Helena rolled her eyes and quipped dryly, “That plate must’ve been cold as hell.”

Ben eyed her as she got up from the couch and went to bring her plate to the sink. She had her back to him as she began to rinse the dishes and put them into the sink.

“When did women get so fucking lazy? And disrespectful,” he remarked.

Helena hit the lever on the sink closed to turn off the faucet. She turned around to face the man and crossed her arms.

“You want a fuckable maid, pay extra,” she said. “But if you want a partner you can rely on. Someone you can trust not to give you to the damn Russians, then you share the load. And you respect the woman who lets you into her bed.”

She turned back to the dishes so she wouldn’t have to look at Ben’s angry, brooding face. But the way she turned her back on him, along with her pointed words, irritated enough to spark his anger. He got up from his seat.

Hughie sensed the danger before Helena did. He stood and made a cautious approach to the kitchen.

Helena reached for a hand towel, and found her wrist encased with an iron grip. She gasped as Ben turned her to face him.

“I’ve put up with a lot from you,” he said. “I think I’ve been a gentleman, considering what a disrespectful little brat you are. But I really think you wanna get bent over my knee.”

His face told her that she wouldn’t enjoy it.

“Hey,” Hughie tried to intervene. “Let’s just calm down, all right?”

Helena let out a shaky breath, but she looked up at Ben and somehow managed to hold her ground, despite the iron grip on her arms.

“If it makes you feel better, go ahead,” she said. “Slap me around until I break.”

“Soldier Boy!” Hughie said in warning.

Ben ignored him. He stared down at Helena with cold anger in his eyes. His hold on her arms tightened, and it hurt. She failed to stifle a gasp of pain.

But she stared up at him defiantly, even though there were tears forming in her eyes.

“You want me to respect you? You killed my friend’s family, and you don’t even care,” she said. “I don’t see anything here that earns my respect.”

Ben reacted to her words, mostly with anger as his brows furrowed.

Hughie grabbed the supe’s shoulder. “Hey, man, just let her go!”

Ben shoved Hughie away so hard that it made the younger man slide across the kitchen and into the far wall, until he hit a bookshelf and fell to the ground.

Helena flinched in shock, and pain at the way he was still holding her. Ben saw it play across her face…and he let her go abruptly. He stared down at her for a moment, nostrils flaring with his heavier breathing. She tried to calm her own breathing as she met his gaze, wondering what he would do. Wondering if this was the moment she’d signed her own death warrant by being her smartass self.

But Ben walked away from her.

Well, stalked away, more like. He left through the front door and it swung open on its hinges.

Helena took in deep breathes of relief. Eventually she gathered enough of her wits to go to Hughie, who was still picking himself off the floor.  

“I gotta go after him,” he said with a sigh.

“Get that man away from my house. I don’t care where you take him,” Helena said, frowning tersely. Hughie couldn’t blame her.

“Are you okay?” he asked, and touched her arm gently. She pulled away from his touch and held herself with crossed arms.

“I’m fine. Just go get him,” she replied.

He nodded and took off after Soldier Boy. It gave Helena the reprieve she needed to let out a long, tremulous breath. A tear fell down her cheek as she leaned on the kitchen counter.

She just couldn’t help taking her life into her hands.

Butcher returned to Helena’s house in the evening. Her car was still in the driveway, but when he let himself in with the spare key she’d given him, he realized that the house was empty, except for her.

She was washing dishes from a dinner she’d clearly made for just herself: a Lean Cuisine.

“Where the hell are Hughie and Soldier Boy?” he asked, approaching where she stood in the kitchen, dressed down in a long-sleeved shirt and yoga pants.

“I couldn’t give a fuck,” she said. “Hello to you too, by the way.”

Her voice had little energy in it, save for anger and sarcasm, and Butcher took notice. He frowned.

“You’re the one who brought ‘em here. Weren’t my fucking idea, remember?” he snarked back.

Helena finally gave up on the dishes and turned to him with angry tears in her eyes.

“But you’re the one who made it happen, Billy. You wanted to cut a deal with that ancient, unstable fucking asshole? Well, you got your damn wish,” she said. “You are the reason we’re in this mess.”

Butcher paused at the sight of her unshed tears. His jaw worked as he tried to make sense of why she was this upset, when just yesterday she was joking and laughing with the supe like he was the guest of honor.

His brows drew together. “What did he do?”

Helena refused to answer.

Butcher went to her and tried to grasp her arm, but she pulled away from him with a flinch. Her eyes flicked away from his.

Unbidden, it reminded him of the day he waited for her at her apartment. And she’d come home after work looking skittish and drained. She’d flinched away from his touch then, just like she’d done now. That had been the day Homelander nearly strangled her to death.

“What the fuck did he do, Helena?” Butcher repeated. She met his gaze. 

“You better find him,” she said, “before he blows up another damn building.”

Butcher stared hard at her, but she wouldn’t say anything more.

He fished out his cell and called Hughie, who told him that he’d brought Soldier Boy to the Legend’s penthouse apartment in the city.

“Good,” Butcher nodded. “Keep him settled there while I look for Mindstorm.”

He glanced at Helena, but she was already walking away from him to finish cleaning up her kitchen.

Butcher ended his call. For a moment, he wasn’t sure what to say.

“I’ve gotta go,” was what he settled on.

She shrugged. Butcher nearly sighed. He went to her though, while she was wiping down the counter with a clean rag. His hand reached out to touch her back, but at the last moment, he thought better of it. His arm drifted back to his side.

“You okay?” he asked gruffly.

“Like you care,” she said. Her tone was one of both snark and exhaustion. “Just go.”

Reluctantly, he went.

Helena was angry, to say the least—at Butcher, at Soldier Boy, and even at Hughie. She was also angry at herself for not having been able to leave well enough alone when Butcher left the first time.

Which first time? She snorted.

But she was especially mad at herself when she allowed the three men to traipse back into her home, a week later.

“‘Ullo, love,” Butcher greeted at her door.

They were covered with dried sweat and dirt, like they’d been hiking. She only let them in because of how they looked—each a bit rattled by whatever they’d faced. Her house was safer than the Legend’s at this point, Butcher explained.

“Just one night,” he asked. “We’ll fuck off in the morning.”

“Fine,” she agreed, despite her better judgment. Again, it was that look in his eyes. Unsteady.

Ben gave her a predictable once-over of her pajama shorts and tank-top, but it seemed he didn’t have it in him to volley with her like usual, especially after what happened last time. He didn’t acknowledge that as he made his way to one of the guest rooms.

Helena followed Hughie and Butcher upstairs…but something made her grab Butcher and steer him away from the second guest bedroom.

He wasn’t sure what she was doing while she guided him into the bathroom in her room. There he leaned against the counter of the bathroom sink. She picked the twigs out of his hair and brushed the dried mud from his shirt.

“Did you take a dirt nap or something?” she asked.

“Something like that,” he replied.

“What the hell happened then?”

He looked down at her. “Mindstorm is dead.”

She sighed at that, but something else was there, behind his eyes. Just under the surface.

“And what else?” Helena asked.

Butcher remained quiet, hesitating. She slowly took a chance by reaching for his scarred hand. She held it with both of hers.

He couldn’t help himself. He brushed his thumb over the back of her warm, tan, smooth hand, reminding himself that she was real and alive. And he wasn’t locked in his mind.

“When I left for the SAS,” he said, “I left my little brother behind…with our raging cunt of a father.”

Helena inhaled deeply; she remembered what Butcher had told her about Lenny, about how he died young. But somehow, Butcher had left out this detail. He met her gaze with tears forming in his red-rimmed eyes.

“I shouldn’t have left him,” he confessed.

Helena was half in shock as she watched the first tear roll down his cheek. She realized then that she had never seen the true depths of this man. Not until tonight.

Her eyes burned with sympathetic emotion as she reached for him and pull him into her arms. He held her back, burying his face in her neck and grounding himself in her as his body shook. Those brutal memories, along with the grief that had been locked deep inside had loosened, and the doors were now swinging open on their hinges.

“Jesus Christ, Helena…I’m sorry,” he said. His voice wavered, and his hand clenched in her hair. “For what I keep doing to ya. Dragging you down with me with every goddamn step.” 

He pulled back enough to see her, to be faced with her tears as she bit her lip.

“And for what I said…to you, and to the kid. I’m fucking sorry,” he said.

Helena broke down just as much as he did then. She nodded in acceptance, and she held his face in her hands. Then she brought him down for a tender kiss. Butcher gave into the soft warmth of her as he held her against him, unwilling to let go this time.

And she led him back into her bed.

In the late hours of the night, Butcher returned to Helena’s bed after a shower. She was already fast asleep. He slid in behind her, gently caressing the back of his hand up her naked back and over her shoulder, down her arm…

And he saw it. A purplish, yellow band around her arm.

It looked like a bruise, formed by a large hand. A man’s hand.

Butcher was damn certain it wasn’t his own, and he’d just finished tracing all the contours of her body tonight.

Though he was reminded of what happened a few days ago…

His brows drew together. “What did he do?”

Helena refused to answer.

Butcher went to her and tried to grasp her arm, but she pulled away from him with a flinch. Her eyes flicked away from his.

Soldier Boy. That old cunt.

Rage built and built inside him. That unfathomable rage that so often fostered lethal energy in Butcher’s blood.

Carefully he slipped out of bed. He got as far as the doorway before he looked back at Helena. He focused on her easy breathing, her messy dark hair splayed on her pillow.

The rage he felt began to simmer down, bit by bit, into self-loathing. Because he did this.

She’d been right before. Butcher made the deal with Soldier Boy. And Butcher brought this shitshow into her home.

So he forced himself to join her back in bed. He traced down the back of her neck, down the length of her lotus tattoo. It made her shiver in her sleep.

Butcher had failed his brother, and Becca. But he couldn’t fail this time. He’d keep Helena and Hughie safe, and alive.

Butcher’s phone was on silent, but the light from his phone on the nightstand illuminated the dark room and stole his attention. He grabbed it and frowned at the strange number on the caller ID. He took the phone into the bathroom and closed the door.

“Hello?” he answered.

“I need to talk to Hughie. Where is he?” Annie asked.

“Oh, Starlight. How delightful,” he muttered. And then he lied.“He’s just popped out for a bit.”

“Okay, well he’s not answering his phone.”

“Bit hard to keep a phone when you’re teleporting all day, innit, love? How can I help?”

“Temp V is going to kill you both,” she said.

“Well, it’s gonna have to join the queue,” he quipped.

“I was just in the lab. It causes lesions, okay? It turns your brain into fucking Swiss cheese!” she shouted. “So please be honest with me, and tell me how many doses have you taken?”

Butcher hesitated at that. His stomach began to churn.

“Just a couple,” he replied. Or a few.

“Jesus Christ,” she said. “Butcher, five to six doses kills you. Got that? You need to tell Hughie.”

Butcher hesitated. “Yeah…yeah, I will. I promise.”

“Okay, but I’m calling every five minutes until—”

He hung up on her. All the while, his mind was reeling.

Fuck, he thought. Fatal after five doses. He’d already had three. Hughie’d had two.

And they needed more, if they were going to face Homelander and Black Noir.

“Scorched earth” was going to come at a price. Butcher had known that going into this, but it suddenly took on new meaning as he opened the bathroom door and looked over at Helena, peacefully sleeping in bed. 

Butcher thought of Ryan, and all of his broken promises.

But come the morning, Butcher didn’t tell anyone of what he’d learned.

AN: Oooh, we're getting so close to the end here, folks!

Next Time:

“Why are you being so fucking stubborn?” Butcher asked.

Her head tilted as she gave a wry smile. “What do you mean?”

His grip on her waist tightened a little.

“Why’re you staying with me?” he pressed. “Hel, you know where this ends.”

“Billy, I don’t have a death wish,” she told him. She squeezed his arms back. “But I don’t just want you alive for me. Ryan needs you too.”

Keep Reading: Part 19

The Boys Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Ko-Fi Me ☕

Tag List:

@lauraaan182 @homielander @calizmor @haibara-ai-tsii @brujaporfavor @sleepyqueerenergy @adoringanakin @skyesthebomb @lunaticgurly @deans-spinster-witch @kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007

@wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @vanillawhiskeyflavoredkisses @roseblue373 @brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28 @charmed-asylum @waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady @leigh70 @clinicallydepresso

@xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy @kmc1989 @emily-winchester @xxlaynaxx @kaleldobrev @jad3djay @jackles010378 @kishie8

[myobsessionsspace]

hi i need to say this to SOMEONE 😭 but the general fandom is soo weird about jikook. whenever i see tiktoks the vibes of the comments are so different when its jikook. its so normal to see stuff like "thats his baby" "soulmates" "they love each other so much" "i love them together" when its abt any other pairing but for jikook tiktoks its just comment after comment of people emphasizing the word friendship. like fandom cannot interact w jikook content unless they make sure EVERYONE KNOWS that theyre JUST FRIENDS and i do not see this with other pairings and i do not understand why

Hi Lovely,

You can always come say things here 🫶

It’s crazy because I was just talking to a friend today about something similar!!

I was saying to her that I don’t even want the general public or all of the fandom to ship Jikook. I just want them to acknowledge them as close.

To be honest there are unhinged shippers in everytime subsection, Jikookers included. It’s understandable people that want no parts in shipping because it can go really left of the field, from the hyper feminisation of Jimin, the hyper masculinisation of Jungkook, the a/b/o tropes that people want to fit into everything they do, the hyper sexualisation of them, trying to make their every breath about the ship etc.

It’s understandable that lots of people want to just enjoy the members without all that extra.

What’s not understandable is the total erasure of Jikook even being BFFs, the super focus on certain duos that are not as volatile territory like ‘woah, thighs’, and how it’s fun to trend ‘rapper’s girlfriend’ but crickets from the fandom as a whole and only real noise from jikookers when ‘Jimin Hyung can handle it’ ‘I’m not that easy’ happed in front of our salad?!

That’s not US taking it there, that’s THEM 😩

My friend and I were saying that there are people that do see more when it comes to Jikook but because there aren’t enough big spaces that embrace the unique aspects of Jikook they try shipping spaces, but it’s not for the weak hearted. Some just see Jikook as interesting but not down to the #jikookisreal level and so when they dip their toes in they dip right back out.

Becca aka @wingzie did a post on how there are more jikookers than we may have thought:

I do get you anon, but I’m not so bothered if Jikook were to be acknowledged as ‘just friends’, heck I rarely see Jimin and Jungkook’s names in the same sentence unless it’s with the inclusion of other members or their musical records.

To be real, I care more that they’re not acknowledged as BEST FRIENDS, as closer than close. I see a lot of ‘that’s his baby brother’ ‘that’s just Jimin, he’s like that with all of them’, don’t even get me started on the pass around Jimin narrative that some use 😑.

I too see on a whole some actions that Jimin & Jungkook do that jikookers think is just for Jikook that truthfully isn’t, that can be seen with all seven. More jikookers do need to start dispelling those misguided Jikook lores in addition to dispelling anti Jikook narratives.

BUT I also see when there are things just Jikook that get skilfully ignored.

It’s super frustrating but at the same time it’s not. Because, really, do we want millions upon millions trending every little thing about Jikook if they are real and not explicitly out? I’d rather have the ones that can’t see anything because they have underlying prejudices to stay not seeing anything, because do Jikook need those kind of eyes on them?

Maybe a smaller bubble of jikookers being convinced and spotting their moments, in comparison to the fandom as a whole acknowledging something different with Jikook vs other ships, allows for jikookers to to keep jikooking ‘safely’.

The majority of people that DO see Jikook, see them for the unique softness, fondness, adoration, sweet words and actions, fun and spicy bond they have and want to celebrate it and protect it.

Appreciating Jikook doesn’t need to have millions of people. To be honest with or without us watching, Jikook will keep Jikooking. So let those that see them, enjoy and let those that don’t see them, miss out on a beautiful thing.

Thank you for being comfortable enough to send me your ask.

💜

[vindickyoutive]

spoilers!!

ok so thoughts on the first 3 eps.

- annie being a childhood bully, i kinda seen it coming. i feel like her mother’s narcissism & projection most likely instilled this sense of entitlement within her in her youth. interesting reveal, i wonder how this’ll come up again later on in the season now that the first half is presumably done.

- hughie’s mom lmfmdmdd that theory i had with his mom also being homelander’s mom seems kinda dead in the water, especially with the post partum & attempted suicide explanation. also hughie & victoria nueman were definitely a thing idc what anyone says, i’ll write the fic myself!

- mm being the leader!! mm kinda being mediocre at it but not messy! also his fight with billy was.. 😕 really feeling like they’re going to do down the comics route & it might be gut wrenching, but who knows!! it seems like they’re still changing things up. (everything that’s going on with black noir’s character)

- frenchie/kimiko, i’ve never seen a captive-savior, friends to siblings to lover, back to siblings to friends trope before and i gotta say.. i could care less either way, makes for an entertaining watch though!

- sister sage, i’d let her sit on my face. that’s it. that’s all. in all seriousness though, wow, talk about a fresh face!! her dynamic with homelander is chefs kiss & the fact that they’re literally going everywhere together the first 3 eps is hilarious, it’s like mean girls but just two girls. homelander literally going out of his comfort zone to recruit her, wooooooooooooooooooooo

- firecracker, not much thoughts on her yet. her backstory with starlight is eyebrow raising but that’s pretty much it!

now to the big 3

- ryan.. oh my precious little angel. god where do i start. first off cameron corvetti is doing an amazing job, really selling how emotionally torn ryan is. ryan himself is such a fascinating character in this season especially, & i love that we’re finally seeing him make his OWN decisions. he went to go see butcher. by himself. he misses butcher, and he knew that it would upset his father but they showed that the boy has his own desires & his own autonomy. every season we either saw ryan with someone by his side, whether it be an adult figure or just anyone else - always making decisions for him or telling him how he should feel about this or that.

he’s told how he should perceive his father, what he should do, what he shouldn’t do, what his future may be. i feel like now, with all those external layers aside, we’re going to see ryan’s approach on things now, especially the later episodes that’ll come out & i’m so excited. god, i’m so sad for him. i have more to say on ryan but i can’t even put it into words.

- billy, billy, billy! still a mess. it’s so interesting seeing him still make borderline bad decisions & pulling out of them, but this time he pulled out of one early. thank god. drugging ryan? that was not going to end well. 💀

like i said, how low he is this season has got to be the lowest we’ve seen him since the beginning of season 2? the beginning of each season he’s pretty down under, but this one just feels different. especially considering that between every interaction someone is basically telling him that’s he’s a deadman walking. 6months, 6months, 6months!! seeing him patch things up with ryan is a balm to my soul, seeing him make ryan smile, balm to my soul, oh & he missed becca so much gaaaaahhh!! on the bright side, seeing him so low, he’s got to get a win soon & i’m ready to see what it’ll be! i wonder how the writers are going to navigate his illness, i still am leaning towards the idea that he might get powers himself. (i havent read any voughthq spoilers other than the few i’ve seen around regarding a bit of hl, these are raw thoughts, most of the time.)

- homelanderrerereeererererrrerererrr

more personal season for him, imo. we seen his morning routine, seen his tits, seen him OUT OF HIS GODDAMN SUITTTT, seen him have an early severe mental episode after he found out ryan was with butcher. next few episodes should do a deep dive, finally, on the torment & abused he suffered through as a child. and i’m just… devastated. now to be truthful, it was a SHAKY start. i didn’t like the taste in my mouth with all of the trump references, & some bits of how he was treating ryan, especially with being all controlling?? if that makes sense? considering how sorta gentle he was with him in season 2 or 3. forcing ryan into this & that, kinda didn’t really align with what whatever they had going on in the prior seasons. i feel like they just wanted to push the envelope a bit, & not so subtly say, hey, he’s not a good dad but the writers don’t know homelander like EYE do so. i mean, we ALL know he’s not the best dad, & his thirst for being the best dad for ryan is the conflict between him & ryan imo 🙂 he wants to give ryan what he never had, he wants everything to be PERFECT for ryan but ryan feels like he doesn’t deserve it, which pushes & pulls at ryan, especially since homelander is all ryan has left in a way. unfortunately, at the end of the day, they both need each other. & that’s how i’ve always seen that pairing.

anyways, episode 3, they kinda got back on track. hmm. i feel like this wouldn’t push ryan completely away from him though, & a delusional part of me sees homelander apologizing to ryan (not a straight up ‘i’m sorry about that’ ofc) perhaps an attempt on giving him a milkshake idk 🥹

[chriscrosswallflower-blog]

Alright, I have finally finished watching a Good Girl's Guide to Murder and I collected my thoughts as I went. Overall I really enjoyed it, though some of the plot changes weren't my favorite.

Spoilers below for the TV show!

Things I Loved

How awkward Pip is - I don't think we get a good look at this in the book since it is mostly through Pip's eyes, but I love how goofy and awkward she is!

Pip's friendship group! I love how much closer they seem in the show and how they accept Pip as the weirdo she is without a single thought, especially since she is different from them in so many ways. I also love seeing more of Connor and his funny personality

I love that we get to see more of Cara and Pip's relationship - they are precious and you can tell how ride or die they are for each other

Lauren - she adds so much to their friend group and I just love her so much. Ant, stay tf away from this baby!

The PipRavi sleepover - my heart couldn't take it!

I like the introduction of the da Silva siblings backstory. In the books they seemed pretty estranged so it's not as obvious why Nat is upset about Pip accusing her brother. Obviously that would bother anyone to an extent but with the introduction of how close they are/were it will make a lot more sense moving forward

Max (and Dan honestly) seem creepy from the start. I swear anytime either of them came on screen I got a terrible feeling - though Dan did begin to seem more good intentioned after talking to Pip in the police car (still creepy though)

Name drops of characters that will be important later - non-readers won't think anything of it but it's funny to hear Stella and Jamie name dropped so casually

It's interesting to see Mr. Ward acting so normal and casual - he does the same thing in the books but seeing it is so unnerving. I think the plot line of him forcing Pip to change her EPQ really adds another layer to his character too

BARNEY'S FUNERAL AND THE TENNIS BALLS!!! 😭 the "why didn't anyone help him" almost broke me.

Ravi being the one to suggest that they call off the investigation hits so damn hard. He feels so hopeless and trapped but the only thing he cares about is protecting and reassuring Pip

Since we have a more objective POV, I love seeing the little signs of how smitten Pip is with Ravi from the beginning - much more than she ever acknowledges in the book

Pip going in the junk yard scared the hell out of me - she got wayyy too close to DTK there.

Becca and Andie being close makes her death so much more tragic

Cara has a TRACKER on Pip?! "Maybe she's not as smart as she thinks she is," man I cackled!

OMG Sal and Andie talking about running away together hurt so bad - seeing how much they loved each other makes the whole story so much more heart breaking

Regardless of if it's in the book or in the show - Mr. Ward talking about how he talked to Sal about Cambridge so he would die thinking about something good will always turn my stomach. That man is such a disgusting mfer

Pip threatening Max at the very end is so amazing. That little pat on the shoulder? 🤌🤌

Things I disliked

Pip seems a lot less informed in the show - like seriously, book Pip would be horrified. You broke into the Bell's house without GLOVES?

I think this is partially because we don't see Pip's POV and much about her suspects - the only two people she really seems to suspect are Dan and Jason and that really only comes into play at the end. I wonder if people who just watch the show will even guess that she suspected Naomi, Nat, and even Howie throughout most of the book

I think we all mourn for "real men wear floral when trespassing" 😢

Honestly, the storyline with Pip's dad might be my least favorite thing. I loved their cute, playful relationship in the book and how she ardently defends her blended family, but in the show, even before the cheating thing, it seems like she didn't really like him? That made me so sad! (Also, does he call her chicken in the UK edition of the books? I really liked Pickle as a nickname!)

Nat's storyline is strange, like I understand to an extent why they did it but book Nat would have a fit if she figured out she was supposedly friends with Andie 😂 I think she loses quite a bit of her character building when we leave out how much her nudes getting leaked affected her (it seems like almost a minor thing in the show) and her act of violence while trying to go to college that put her on probation. Especially since it's a large reason why Pip suspected her in the first place (her reasoning seems pretty weak in the show)

Where the heck is Stanley?! He's pretty important for season 2; of all the characters to cut you wouldn't think it would be him!

I really miss the scene where Ravi and Pip recreated the timeline to prove Sal's innocence - it was such a potent moment!

I miss hearing Naomi's backstory - we get a bit of it implicitly by the way she acts and her confession, but I think it adds a lot to her character to know more about her anxiety and depression and how it caused her to drop out of college

We miss some of Pip's bad ass moments! Again, this is possibly because we are seeing things from an objective POV and we can't see inside of her head, but I loved reading about how knowledgeable she is about true crime, how much research she did, and how much that informed her actions. I also missed seeing how much she defended the Singh family and Ravi specifically. That scene in the grocery store where she told off the cashier for being so rude to Ravi is one that I dearly miss

Pip accusing Max of raping Becca doesn't hit as hard when she did it over the phone and I hate that he didn't truly confess like he did in the book. And they didn't bring up Nat's rape at all (or Nat in general very much). Her confronting Max and Naomi was such a badass moment for Pip and I'm sad that we missed it

Becca's wig in that flashback. Yikes.

Becca taking Pip to the well (or whatever it is - I feel like it was called something else but it's not coming to mind) made her seem less sympathetic to me than when she just drugged her without much of a plan. "Now I'm going to have to put you in there with her," was so freaking sinister

Things I'm not sure about

In some ways I like the addition of Pip seeing Andie and Sal after they obviously argued - the guilt she felt after that and how that would motivate her to look into the case makes a lot of sense. However, I think I prefer her only looking into the case because she trusted and believed in Sal because of how kind he was to her. I think that the fact that she rarely doubted Sal in the books was really compelling and we lose a lot of that when Pip is concerned that she might have played a part in Sal finding Andie after their fight, therefore possibly contributing to her death

I don't think the video to lure the killer out was necessary but I think they did it to move the story along quicker. I wish we could have seen more of Pip's notes since that is what they wanted in the books when they kidnapped (dognapped?) Barney

I think I prefer them finding Andie's planner over the note in her bunny - it seems to make more sense than just a random note and I like how it gives us a small look into her life (her struggling to read the Revengers was a cute little detail and showed us that she is still a teenager). That being said, the note does the job and it feels a bit nit picky, so I'm not super upset by it

Having Isla tell Pip about Sal's murder was interesting - I'm not super mad about it but it definitely changed a lot, especially since neither of them think she's Andie and he keeps her captive to further hide Sal's murder. Somehow it makes Mr. Ward even more sinister

Having the plot line of Ravi leaving, coming back, and then him and Cara track her down was definitely different. I can decide which way I prefer it. Ravi leaving seemed really random and rushed but I did like that Cara had a part in her rescue (see the hilarity of the tracker above)

Though I enjoyed seeing PipRavi get together by the end of the season, I will miss their awkward tip toeing around each other as Ravi tries to ask her out!

All in all I really enjoyed it - I think it's one of those that I'll also get a lot out of after rewatching it. If you got this far, first off, I'm impressed! And second, let me know your thoughts!!

[amostimprobabledream]

Thoughts on Season 4 so far...

I know, I know, I should probably wait til it's finished, but I finally caught up with everyone else after being weirdly nervous about it.

Just what the hell was going on with the first couple of episodes? Like, episode one felt like it was written by someone with only a passing knowledge of the show. The dialogue felt clunky and it all seemed so rushed. It was a really boring episode. The second one was a bit dull too.

I felt so bad for Hughie when he heard his dad was in hospital and getting choked up over not talking to him and wishing he'd wake up so they could talk about the book his dad was excited about.

Fuck Hughie's mother! (If it really is her...) What a bitch. "Uwu, don't yell at me, son I abandoned for 20 years!"

I'm glad Kimiko seems to have been given more of her own story this season. Karen Fukuhara does such a good job with a character who doesn't talk.

On the flipside, I could not give a flying fuck about Frenchie and some guy he likes. I never care when the show tries to introduce non-Supe love interests. It's like Maeve and her dull girlfriend all over again, except I actually like Frenchie.

Wooow, Butcher has been so neutered this season. It's a real fall from his unchallenged rule In S1 & 2, but I can't say he doesn't deserve it after how horribly he treated his team.

Fuck off, Becca, fuck off Becca, Fuck OFF, Becca. God. Every time I see her I have to press the skip button. (Also it's really funny how she's inexplicably more blonde in Billy's hallucinations. What, did she get highlights in the afterlife?)

I don't care if he's a kid, I'm gonna say it: Ryan is SO boring to watch. He's saved by being important to Homelander and Butcher but god, every scene he's in I'm desperate for it to be over.

Has anybody noticed Homelander was talking to Ryan the exact same way Soldier Boy spoke to him when he called him "ungrateful?" He really is his father's son.

I didn't know what to make of Sage. The fandom was hyping her up to all hell so I was prepared to not be very impressed by her because of how much people were raving about her before she'd even done anything. I'm still confused about what exactly her motives are but her scenes with The Deep are pretty funny. I wonder why she told him about the lobotomy? Because she thinks he's too stupid for it to backfire on her? Hmm.

I know Firecracker is awful but she's so pretty and I love listening to her accent. I can't wait for her and Homelander to interact more.

I...am not loving Starlight's subplot? I get what they're going for, they want her to be this activist who's like a figurehead of La Resistance against Vought, but watching her campaigning and complaining about how she's not Starlight, she's Annie, is not fun to watch. I'm also not a fan of her hair or outfits this season, I think the shorter look suited her face more. (Also, the whole abortion thing came a bit out of nowhere. I feel like that might have been something that deserved a bit more exploration for Starlight, Hughie and their relationship?)

THAT BEING SAID - I do like her dynamic with Firecracker, because I think the writers wrote themselves into a corner with her in Season 3 because she's Starlight! She always has to be morally correct and good in every scenario! I'm glad they're making it clear she isn't this perfect angel - even the scene where Firecracker confronts her, Starlight kind of ducks responsibility by saying she's changed and "my mom taught me to be ruthless". Those aren't really apologies and Starlight only apologising because Firecracker is a threat to her reputation is really interesting - and not dissimilar to the scientists only asking for forgiveness when their monster came back to kill them.

Victoria's relationship with Zoe is confusing. I forgot Zoe existed, actually. I'm not even clear if Zoe is her bio kid or adopted one, because if the former, who's Zoe's dad?

A-Train's redemption wasn't something I was looking forward to, but it's being handled fairly decently, way better than how Maeve did like, one good deed per season and got handed hers on a silver platter. I'm still a bit upset that he's basically been absolved of Robyn's death though.

Homelander. Oh my GOD. He's so unhinged this season and we haven't even gotten to the big finale yet. His facial twitches, the little micro-expressions, his pissy little "ShutthefuckUP!" at The Deep, wow. Antony Starr continues to carry the show on his shoulders.

THE LAB SCEEEENE. Jesus. That was like something out of a horror-thriller, yet I was cheering for him the whole time. Antony Starr deserves ALL the Emmys.

[herestomyhaters]

right so i just finished everything now on netflix and i really wanted to share my unfiltered opinions on it and see what other ppl thought as well. here it goes!!

- i think my favorite characters were carli, becca and alex

- carly made for an impeccable love interest tbh

- icl i didn't love the main character as much as i thought i would, idk if that was the writing but sometimes i felt like they were trying too hard to make her relatable? it felt a bit forced

- also she was extremely selfish and though i understood why it still got jarring 😭

- i loved how they gave alex an episode !!! it was so moving to see things from his pov, 100% necessary

- god knows they weren't meant to be together but alison deserved way better tbh

- as for couples i was fond of becca/cam and will/theo. i also rly liked will's lil storyline at the end. as someone who's been the "funny friend" i could definitely relate

- carli and mia's chemistry was insane and if the show does get renewed i'm curious to see how things will be for them in the future. for now it's clear that carli's been portrayed/seen as more of a fantasy so it'd be nice to actually get to know more about her like really

- also i wish we'd seen more of carli and will doing theater kid stuff

- one thing i really loved abt the show was the wardrobe !!! especially becca's like i need all her clothes immediately

- i know euphoria was basically a cultural reset in media so it's inevitably rubbed off on other shows but sometimes it did seem like they were trying to replicate it a bit too much, esp the cinematography/music. it felt unoriginal

- which is a shame cause i think that distracted me at times (joined w the whole awkward/quirky mc). still, this is a very important story and i'm glad they told it

we all know netflix so i don't know if we're gonna be able to see these characters again but i look forward to seeing how the show levels up if we do. i think it has great potential. i wanna hear what u thought as well so share it below if u feel like it !!! <3

[sweet-villain]

Only One~ Joseph Quinn 

Anonymous asked:

Hi idk if you are taken request but can you one when joesph and the reader are at meet and greet..and one of the fan ask if Joesph and reader are dating since they had great chemistry because of their characters are dating and like the rest of the cast for like I don't like yes they are with joesph and reader speaking to the fan.. like.Jamie or Finn or gaten are like "TOTALLY THEY ARE"

Author's Note : I am alway taking requests <3

m-rae23~randomstory56~palomam18~figmentofquinn~ hqtetsurou~gloomybrieyxb~irish-newzealand-idian-dutch

" Would you two stop it, I'm going to puke" Gaten jokily says as he rolls his eyes at the two of you, Joseph and you kissing each other. You pull away from Joseph, sticking out your tongue at Gaten.

" You are just jealous that I have a pretty boyfriend like Joseph" Joseph's cheek paint red hearing you call him pretty. He isn't used to the compliments, but it makes his heart swell with happiness.

Gaten rolls his eyes as he looks away, but a small smile is on his face.

Joseph and you had met on the set of Stranger Things, playing as Dustin's older sister and Eddie's love interest. Since Joseph has been casted, the two of you grown close together and eventually you asked Joseph out which surprised him. He was at loss of words but agreed, you always surprised him even asked him to be your boyfriend after the fourth date.

" Love birds " Jamie walks over to the both of you, hugging you on each of his arm as the two of you hugged him back.

" Lines are huge with fans dressed mostly as both of your characters. It's cute. Darling, you're going to be over the moon to see the little girls dressed up as your character. Look" he takes out his phone as he shows you one picture with a little girl in your characters outfit with Jamie who looks like he's going to eat her making her smile. her two front teeth were missing and it was the cutest thing ever.

You clasp a hand over your mouth.

" Awe, that's adorable" Joseph grins as he peeks through the curtain seeing so many fans were lining up to meet the both of you. But the crew decided to put Gaten in the middle of you both for some reason.

" You ready, sweetheart?" Joe says as he offers you a pack of sharpies knowing your hand was going to hurt by the end of the night.

" Ready" you put your hand up to your forehead as a salute making Joseph and Jamie laugh.

" You're such a dork" you grin, " You're dork"

" My one and only" before you know it the both of you were separated and you sat in your chair to meet fans. You gushed at the first one seeing a girl dressed as your character to a T.

" Hi! You're so pretty Y/N. You're character has done so much for me, I can't thank you enough" she says as she pushes your funko pop for you to sign.

" What's your name, beautiful?" you ask her uncapping the sharpie in your hands.

" Rebecca but can you write Becca?" you nod as you sign it, " Thank you for coming, you mean so much to me and continue being beautiful" you tell her. She takes the funko pop in her hands and smiles in happiness walking away.

You look over to Joseph to see he's greeting fans too but notices that you look at him, sends you a wink as he continues to sign what the fan gave him.

Gaten is greeting fans too, hugging them across the table and then when he sits down, one fan asks him, " I know your close to Joseph, is Joseph with Y/N?" Gaten looks at you to see your not paying attention to Joseph who threw a sharpie over his shoulder and took another and turns back around at the fan.

" yes, they both had great chemistry on the show and the two of them are crazy for one another. Trust me" he throws his hands up in the air, " I know they are from what I've seen"

The fan looks at Joseph seeing he looked over at Y/N to check on her and the fan looks at you to see you casting a smile towards Joseph and their heart is full of happiness.

A little girl walks over to your table, dressed as you. It was the same girl that saw Jamie.

" Hi there, Jamie was telling me about you! Look at you, you're the most adorable thing ever" she giggles as she leans up on her toes on the table. Her mom is by her side watching the happiness in her daughters eyes.

" She loves you so much, she wants to be like you when she grows up"

" Is that so?" you hadn't noticed that arms were coming around the back of you, Jamie was behind you putting a finger to his lips as he places his hands on top of your shoulder, scaring at you. You screamed ready to punch who ever scared you when Joseph runs over to see what's going on, stumbling into Jamie as the two nearly collapsed on your table.

" Such goofballs" you laugh watching as they both got up, nodding at each other.

" That wasn't nice Jamie, don't scare me" Jamie laughs.

" You're too fun not to scare Y/N. I'm sorry"

" I can only scare my girlfriend" Joseph says, the little girl mom is n shock hearing it.

" So it's really true, you and Y/N are together just like Eddie and Y/C?N? Joseph cheek paint red as he nods wrapping his arm from behind you and placing a kiss on the side of your head.

She tells the girl about it and the little girl claps as she jumps.

" She made this for you" her mom slide over a little heart drawing with E + Y/C/N on it. Your eyes tear up as you look at it, Joseph is looking behind you and watches as you put it to your chest with a little out as you look at the little girl.

" Come here, you" you pat the table for her to get on. Her mom helps her get on the table and you wrap your arms around her, hugging her. Joseph steps back a bit as he watches with a smile on his face.

" Thank you so much, sweet angel" you whisper in her ear before her eyes look at Joseph. You know what she wants.

" Joseph, come here" he leans in and you wrap his arm around her as the tree of you hug. Her mom is taking pictures and can't believe how you are making her daughters day. You love your fans.

She gets down from the table and thank you for what you did and skips away yelling how much she loves you with her mom running to catch up with her.

" For the final and last time, Y/N and Joseph are together" Gaten says clasping his hands together pointing towards you and Jospeh. " Just like Eddie and Y/C/N"

You reach over to Gaten and wrap your arms around him from the back.

" Are you okay?" He nods. Jamie emerges from behind the curtain and stands on the table.

" Hey! Everyone!" he yells, the fans that are standing like are looking at him. You, Joseph and Gaten are looking at him wondering what was he up to.

" Joseph Quinn and Y/N L/N are together as a couple! They are cute tougher and have so much chemistry! Quit asking Gaten, myself and the rest of Stranger Things cast about them. They are together, THEY TOTALLY ARE!”he motions to you and Joseph, " please stop asking us the same question. They are dating. Yeah?"

You hear the fans scream in happiness. The fans love the both of you and both your characters.

" But sometimes I share Joseph with Jamie over here"

" Only on the weekends, darling" Jamie jokes as he sends you a wink getting off the table.

[captainimfangirling]

The Boys Season 4 Episode 6

I love that they're acting like a team again but very sad Frencie and Butcher wasn't a part of it.

Hughie & Starlight

Poor Hughie. That was so f*cked up but at least they didn't just make a joke about it at the end. The person he wanted was his daddy after being sexually harassed! Poor thing. I love how protective Starlight is of Hughie and comforted him when he told her what happened. I was hoping for another beat down of Firecracker but I can see they're trying to make Annie a better person.

Ashley, Tek Knight, and Laddio

I knew she was a freak but didn't know she was a f*cking nasty freak! I'm kind of sad Tek Knight died because I thought he was very funny in Gen V but in The Boys he scared the crap out of me especially at the end when he tried to cut a hole in Hughie so he can f*ck it. How the f*ck did they make a sub in a red leather bodysuit so wholesome?! Like he tried to save Hughie when Tek was about to cut him and helped them figure out a way torture Tek. That little wave when they left?! LMAO

Mother's Milk

M.M. is struggling with the job even though I think he's doing good. Don't hate me but I see a parallel of him and Homelander. Both have a high position as leader but deep down they don't really know how to handle it. I also think the reason he's stressed out all the time because he doesn't think he's gonna live long enough to be there for his daughter.

Frenchie & Kimiko

Like I said last episode he did the right thing but I hate that he wasn't with them when they actually felt like a team again. I think he wants to confess what he's done to The Boys but he's too scared of their reaction especially Kimiko. I love Kimiko she's so smart and doesn't give up on the people she loves.

Black Noir & The Deep

New Black Noir can fly?! Anyway I think The Deep is making the story up about the real Black Noir getting turned on by violence or maybe he thought they were bros and assumed things about the real Black Noir. Either way he's giving the new Black Noir false information so I'm pretty sure he's going to turn into The Deep's version of Black Noir and probably start thinking he's the "real" Black Noir.

Sage and Victoria

I feel like Sage and Victoria had horrible experiences with humans therefore they both hate them deep down. At first I thought they were going to turn on Homelander but now I don't think they will. Sage was hilarious in this episode! She was like a toddler when Homelander saw her with cake all over her face! lol

Homelander & Firecracker

To be honest I'm wasn't too amused by that breast feedings scene. I mean it would've been funny a few seasons ago but after Homelander basically transformed himself into a "god" I thought he was gonna become even more scary and evil. That scene just made Homelander look like he still wants a mommy and human love. I thought he was passed this?! Also how the hell did Firecracker know about his milk fetish? Did she sneak into his room and saw all the baby bottles? I thought Homelander would be pissed that she knew but he was so excited about the breast milk that he didn't care. I really hope Firecracker only did that as a way to control Homelander and not because she's actually grateful for him. That would be more interesting because it might be her way of getting Sage's position.

Billy Butcher

Yeah I was right about Kessler being in Butcher's head (we all were). I though it was a good reveal when he "spoke" to Becca. Becca is for sure the angel on Butcher's shoulder and Kessler is the demon. I still think Kessler is basically the comic book version of Butcher. Anyway Kessler and Butcher are giving me Joe and Rhys vibe from the Netflix series YOU.

A-Train

I actually starting to like him. This is how you redeem a character! It was so cute when the little girl smiled at him and he smiled back because he got a taste if how it feels like to be a real super hero. I hope he doesn't die like other fans think because I HATE it when they want to redeem a character they have them die to save others. Like not every redemption arc has to be that way!

Internment Camp

Is that where the characters from Gen V went to? Because I remember Emma drinking a slurpee and Homelander giving Marie sh*t for basically attacking her own kind. So maybe Homelander doesn't want to kill other supes anymore but will put them in internment camps. Other fans think it's meant for the humans but why would they put humans in internment camps when Homelander can simply kill them? He wouldn't be killing his own kind if he kills humans.

[theawkwardanglophile]

Hi Tara! I hope you're having a good weekend!

What's been your favorite moments of S6, and what are your hopes for S7?

Thank you so much for the ask, Becca! ☺️

Right now I'm still living in the hospital scene from 6x04. That scene left me so emotional and was so beautifully done.

I looooove the Chenford dance in 6x02 as well. I'm thrilled we got ILYs from them early in the season because I think that really laid the foundation for whatever is coming the rest of the season for them. And the ILYs were wonderful, however, I really hate that Tim's ILY got accidentally spoiled for us. It would've packed such a bigger punch had we not known it was coming. But I'm still so happy we got it.

I also loved the 17st place adorableness!

As for S7, my biggest hope is that we GET one. 🤞 Come on, renewal! After that, I hope they continue to do bigger story arcs like they're doing this season, giving plots and scenes a chance to breathe a little. I know it's their style to pack so much in, but sometimes it feels like whiplash keeping up with everything in an episode!

In addition:

Chenford proposal/moving in together. As much as I love Lucy's apartment, I think it's time for Tim and Lucy to find a new place together. Logistically, they can build a new set for them, and either Tamara can move in, too, or just visit on occasion.

KOJO-where are you, boy? Bring him back! The fact that we've seen ASHLEY interact with Kojo more recently than LUCY doesn't sit well with me.

Give Baby Girl Evers a name!

I REALLY want to see some more group scenes where they are hanging out together off duty, and if we get a full 22 eps, I feel there's more chance to do that. It doesn't have to be action all the time. Let this group have some fun! They've earned it.

More Genny! And it would be interesting to bring Lucy's parents back at some point, too.

I need a scene or two of Tim and Lucy in bed, either going to sleep or waking up, just cuddling together. PLEASE. And maybe a couple of passionate moments? Look, Wopez got to have their hot make-out sesh in the storage room. Can't Chenford have a moment in Tim's office?? I also want to see Tim come up behind Lucy at home and wrap his arms around her waist.

Lucy's career to have some kind of progression. I think we'll get some of that by the end of S6, but I want her to be able to explore some different avenues and find something that she truly loves and is good at, hopefully putting this whole UC trajectory behind her, which seems to be where they're headed.

Tim to call Lucy by a term of endearment/nickname. I'm still hoping for "baby".

[chaoticstanley]

Beetlebabes dni (seriously fuck off)

So, my current hyperfixation is Beetlejuice, movie, cartoon, and musical. But I have all the Beetlejuice cartoons on file so as I was watching, I decided to redesign Lydia and Beej in the show’s style for my own fic I’m working on. I added silhouettes of the show’s designs as a comparison. And I finalized my OC as a bonus. So here’s some info about Bj and Lydia. I’ll explain my OC some other time.

Beetlejuice:

I used all iterations of him as inspiration, but in terms of visual, it’s mostly the musical and cartoon. Gave him his green hair and also a mullet cause... Idk I think it looks good. But in terms of personality, it’s a nice combo of all three. He’s a lot more nastier and violent than his toon counterpart, but still retains some of the sensitivity showed in the show. For example, he’s still protective of Lydia, but instead of simply putting beetles in a bully’s hair, he’ll genuinely traumatize them with a scare or straight up try and kill them. He’s still a handsy and overtly sexual being like in the movie/musical. Instead of responding to emotional rejection (outside of flirtatious contexts) with a depressive episode like the show, he gets very angry and vengeful. He’s petty, selfish and a conniving ass like all three iterations. But he’s not as dumb as his toon counterpart. He’s irrational and acts before he thinks sure, but when it comes to being a trickster, he’s more thoughtful and malicious like the movie version.

His relationship with Lydia is a big brother/little sister type. She’s one of the very select few who’s ever gotten past his walls. He’s protective of her and always encourages her interests in the gross, rude, and dead. But he’s less affectionate than the show/musical. He’s not a big fan of pda and just barely tolerates her occasional hug. He and Lydia are the type of friends that exchange insults and petty barbs as a way of showing how they care.

A brief note on his most common alter ego, Bettyjuice. I modernized her into an egirl because the aesthetic is perfect with all the stripes. She’s pretty much the same as the show; gross, rude, and impulsive. But I made her too pretty unfortunately. I kept leaning towards cute with certain attributes like the added beanie and her adorable tummy, so that’ll probably be tweaked in the future, but we’ll see. I do like this design a lot even though it’s not gross enough.

Lydia:

Again, all iterations were an inspiration. Her Netherworld design is just a more aged up version of the original poncho, but I added a touch more purple at the forefront to reflect her personality. And her normal design is more muted just as a contrast to the Netherworld to make it seem mundane in comparison. In terms of personality, she’s got the character development of the musical. She’s still deadpanned and sarcastic like the movie/musical, but she’s much softer and more sweet like her toon counterpart. She’s a little more mature now that she’s 18, but not by much cause she’s still a young, developing girl. She only has a few friends her age since most of her peers at school are put off by her goth aesthetic and macabre interests. It also doesn’t help that she hangs around a weird egirl who likes to throw bugs at people (Bettyjuice of course). She does have two friends, Becca and Pamela (loosely based off Bertha and Prudence) and of course, her family. She still loves the Maitlands and hangs out with them a bunch. She has a better relationship with Charles Deetz now that she’s a little older. The one she has conflict the most is Deelia, but there’s still clear love there. She fully accepts Deelia as her mother now, while, of course, still keeping Emily Deetz in her heart as well. But they tend to bicker and argue the most because of their different worldviews, but much less so than before now that Lydia regularly spends time in the Nethworld.

But of course, Lydia’s best friend is Beetlejuice. They pull pranks, get into mischief, and regularly get revenge on Lydia’s main bully Claire Brewster.

But yeah, that’s it. I’ll explain my OC later, but I’m too tired rn. I’m working on some more art for Beetlejuice, but the main inspo is the cartoon since it has a lot more to work with in terms of story and world building.

[episims]

Random Foxfire Facts

That probably interests no one, but I miss my game a ton and felt like doing something related. I've probably mentioned some of these at some point, but oh well.

When I moved Becca, Ruby, and Cloud together at the very start, I was betting that Ruby and Cloud would hook up

As I was setting up the neighborhood, Mel and Ash kissed. Then Ash got together with Lydia and Mel found a toyboy from Cloud and the whole thing didn't make much sense anymore

I have addressed most pre-playing kisses in some way, tho! That's how Mel and Will ended up being exes (let's just say Mel was very efficient with uh, getting to know everyone)

Will and Jamie are the only pair I guessed correctly before playing

Vera has by far the most three-bolt matches. And she's straight! You'd expect some bisexual to hold that record, but no. Troy has had some competition for sure

When I created Julian I thought he's someone who imagines being above interacting with people who aren't as intelligent as him. After playing him for five minutes I realized that actually, this guy has no freaking clue how to interact with anyone at all

I already knew when I created Jonas that he must have a twin but I had zero plans to add Judi to the hood as I was very determined to keep gen 1 free of pre-set familiar relationships. I just eventually hit the wall with writing Jonas without showing Judi (and I'm happy that I did)

I didn't think Deanna and Tess would last, but they've steadily gained more bolts over time and are now one of my rare few three-bolter couples

I would've stopped Chase from kissing Hanna, but their round was just about to end and I went to the second floor to shoo Jonas away from the computer so that Chase could go to sleep. My heart stopped when I suddenly heard that first kiss tune playing

Breaking up Ally and Judi is the most I've intervened in anyone's relationships. As soon as I realized Judi was going to keep the baby no matter what, I didn't see any other outcome

Jonas and Cloud really were talking about aliens at the same time when Julian got abducted

Luke has had enough skill points to get a promotion for something like five rounds at this point. I haven't stopped him from getting them, either. Dunno who did he piss off to get his career to freeze this badly (it's Luke we're talking about, so probably everyone)

Cedric and Shay had a hard time getting along for a while, which caught me by surprise since they're both generally nice

When Dari first got a crush on Felix, the game crashed right after. So I was like, right, that won't likely happen again. Well, after I loaded, Dari got both crush and love at the same time

Okay, that's enough for tonight!

[wildestdreamcatcher]

Monroe Girl

Summary: A look into different periods of Elijah and Becca's relationship

TW: Mentions of alcohol and being drunk, toxic relationships, trauma with relationships, breakups

A/N: This is a long fic with a word count of 2138k

August 1960

I sat in biology listening to the teacher ramble about her life, her expectations for the school year, and some other shit I didn’t really care about. It was the first day of 10th grade, and I was already bored and felt bad. My makeup hadn’t turned out right and I felt like my hair was flat. I looked around the room in boredom, trying to focus on anything but this class, and that’s when I noticed him. He wore ripped jeans, a Harley shirt, and black and white Converse. He had long curly hair and dark skin, he was laughing and smiling while talking to Todd about god knows what. 

I knew who he was: Elijah Matthews. He was one of Andrew’s best friends and he always seemed cool. I had talked to him a few times for partner work in class and he always seemed interesting, like someone I wanted to know more about. There were rumors that he was bad, he didn’t care about people but Andrew wouldn’t surround himself around selfish people. I had a hallway crush on Elijah, but it felt stupid to think we’d be together. I was starting to zone out and stare at him when we turned around. He started to smile at me and I blushed like an idiot. 

Todd didn’t come to school the next day and Elijah invited me to sit with him on the table. We were sitting there whispering about music and actors we liked. He told me his favorite movie was “Rebel Without a Cause”, he told me I looked like Marilyn Monroe and that he thought I had pretty eyes. The teacher started to scold us for talking so much but we didn’t care, he was the only thing making this class interesting. That same day, Elijah and Andrew had decided to sit with Ruby and I at lunch. Ruby looked really excited when Andrew sat with us and he did too, it was obvious they had crushes on each other and it never made sense why they wouldn’t get together. I didn’t really pay attention to them though, I just paid attention to Elijah and tried not to blush when he called me “Monroe Girl”. 

It had almost been a month since this had been happening, but I guess my feelings weren’t one-sided. He had come up to me at the end of the day and asked me if I wanted to go to the drive-in theater with him there was a screening of “Roman Holiday” that he wanted to take me to and he knew that I loved Audrey Hepburn. I said yes, praying to God this was a date and that everything would go well.

December 1960

Elijah and I had been dating for 4 months and it had been as entertaining as I had thought. He liked sneaking out with me so we could hook up and make out in his red Chevy Bel Air, he had a huge collection of vinyls from Bob Dylan, James Brown, Chuck Berry, Frank Sintra, and Aretha Franklin. He liked taking me to movies and getting me gifts, he told me I was the prettiest girl ever. Everything seemed perfect, and I was fucking ecstatic to be with him. 

I was sitting in Elijah’s car after Ruby’s Christmas party. He said I looked pretty in my red mini dress with the white tights and gogo boots. He wanted to give me my Christmas presents since he’d b in New Jersey to visit his brothers. I felt special with the way he was looking at me like nothing else mattered, the Christmas songs playing on the radio, the white snow adding to the wintery landscape. He handed me this white and red bag with a heart-shaped locket, a Lesley Gore vinyl, and a card he wrote saying how happy he was to be with me. I kissed him and everything felt right.

“I love you, Elijah.” I could see how he flinched at those words. It was almost as if he was scared. He just nodded and kissed me, like he was trying to distract me from everything.

Maybe he just wasn’t ready to say it back yet and I guess I would wait until he did. 

March 1961

I was trying not to be pissed Elijah, not tonight. He was upset because his mom had made him leave so she could fuck her boyfriend without him being a bother to her and now he was getting drunk at this party he wanted me to come to. He did this whenever one of his parents would make him leave the house, I guess so he could get his mind off of everything and so he could stay in a warm house with food and drinks. I was watching him in the kitchen, he was supposed to be getting me the coke I wanted seeing as how I had to be the designated driver because he was going to be too drunk to drive. He was standing there talking to some brunette who was batting her lashes at him, laughing at his drunken humor, he was eating it up too!

I could blame his flirting on the beer he was drinking but it wasn’t the first time he had done this. Elijah liked entertaining people, he liked being flirtatious, his ego was bigger than the fucking sun at times, he was overly confident and it was irritating. He didn’t completely see the problem with flirting with other girls but maybe it wasn’t his fault. He had grown up watching his parents having affairs and flirting with other people openly to piss each other off. It was normal in his household so I guess I couldn’t completely blame him.

I managed to drag him back into my bedroom without him falling on top of me. I felt bad for him: he was going to feel like shit in the morning, not only because of the alcohol but because he was going to have to figure out where to stay. His mom liked having her boyfriend over as long as she could and Elijah would just have to pick up the pieces of that. My parents were nice enough to let him stay for a few days but eventually, he would have to go home. 

  He sat on my bed, drinking the water I gave him. I wanted to feel at peace with him especially with the way he was holding me.

“Why were you so pissed at the party, Bec? You were pretty much glaring daggers nto me.” He didn’t sound angry, just confused. I was just going to lie to him. This moment felt too nice and I didn’t want to have this argument, especially since he was starting to sober up. 

“It’s nothing!”

“No, it’s not. Just tell me how you feel! I can’t fix it if I don’t know why your pissed!!” 

A sober Elijah would never push me this hard. He hated arguments, he hated confrontation. It terrified him even if he would never admit that. 

“I’m just mad you were entertaining and flirting with that girl at that party! And honestly, I feel like you shouldn’t even have to ask me why I’m upset because it should be so obvious!” 

I was like word vomit was just coming out. He looked shocked and confused like he didn’t think he was doing anything fucking wrong and it felt infuriating. 

“I was just fucking talking to her! You seem annoyed when I just sit in the corner and don’t do shit at the parties!” 

“You weren’t just talking to her! You were looking at her the same you look at me so what I’m supposed to think when you don’t automatically shoot down girls who are batting your lashes at you or asking for your number?”

 I started crying and I hated it. I didn’t even want to have this argument! I wondered if he thought I was jealous or possessive now. I didn’t want to stop him from being nice, I didn’t want him to stop being social or having friends but it didn’t seem like he was just being nice to her. Elijah didn’t yell: he seemed meeker than normal. He just let me cry and kept apologizing to me.

“Do you love me, Elijah?”

“Of course I do.”

Maybe he did love me. After all: I was the girl whose picture was kept on his nightstand, and whose clothes were on his bedroom floor, he called me his “Monroe Girl”, he let me drive his car and wear his clothes. I was the girl who he wrote songs for. Besides he never did anything like having sex with other girls. He just flirted with them.

October 1962

I wanted to cry right now. Elijah and I had just left this Halloween party and it had ended horribly. We went together as an angel and devil, and now I started to think his devil costume was fitting for tonight. He flirted with another girl, after promising me he would stop. It felt like we had been having this argument for the 2 years we had been dating, and there were only so many times I would let this go. Tears were steaming down my face as I walked into my house while he trailed behind me. I got lucky my parents weren’t home.

“You promised me you would stop this shit but it never fucking ends, now does it?!” 

“I was just being fucking nice to her, Becca!! Why is that hard for you to fucking understand?”

“You always say that! Like I’m just a bitch who doesn’t want you to be happy and socialize! I’m so fucking tired! And you know what’s the worst part of this, Elijah? In the 2 years we’ve been together, you’ve never once told me you loved me!”

“What do you want me to be? I can’t be your fucking prince charming, I can’t be a perfect angel for you! Do you want me to change all my personality for you? And why are you acting like I don’t fucking love you?”

I felt heated and distraught. Elijah made me happy but he also made me so fucking stressed, angry, and devastated and I wondered if this would last another month.

“What am I supposed to think? You’re always acting a fucking fool in front of me, you’re flirting with other girls like I’m not in the same Goddamn room, you’re pushing me away like I don’t even fucking matter! I love you so much, Elijah. I’m in love with you and I want you to feel the same way! I’d marry you if you fucking asked yet you don’t even bother to speak to me unless you’re moaning my name while you’re fucking me!”

I knew that the last part was probably too far but maybe he needed to hear it.

“Look me in the eyes, Elijah! Look me in the eyes and tell me you love me, that you’re in love with me. That the words you write in your songs about me are true!” He wrote in his songs that I was his girl, that he couldn’t live without me, and that I meant the fucking world to him!

“I’m not going to lie to you, Becca! I’m not in love with you, I’m not in love with anyone, I don't think anyone is actually in love! It doesn’t fucking exist! Do you think that people like my parents are in love, do you think that marriage is going to work? It doesn’t work out, Rebecca! You’re either gonna spend the rest of your life pretending that what you feel is being ‘in love’ or regretting the rest of your life being married to someone you hate!” 

I felt gutted when he said that. He sounded cold, angry, and I couldn’t even blame it on alcohol because he hadn’t had a fucking drop of anything but coke. 

“Elijah, I am not going to be the one you project your fear of relationships onto! I thought you loved me, I thought I was gonna fucking marry, but you don’t feel the same way and I won’t settle for a man who doesn’t love me like that. Somewhere out there is a man who will love me the way I love him and clearly it’s not you. It’s over, Elijah. I’m done!”

He didn’t even fight, didn’t protest, he just left and told me “I hope you find that man, Becca. I’m sorry it’s not me!”

I cried when he left. I had given away 2 years of my life with this man and now it was all in a little over an hour. I hope I’ll be ok.

@sadlonelyyogurt @blowflygrls @vommitgirl