#i love to be a class traitor and have rich friends too its so funny theyre actually insane.

[famousblueraincoatmp3]

sometimes i miss the psychward friendships but now i have a bunch of friends who are finance bros in their 20-30s and its the exact same thing. the entire time theyre talking about the dark web bitcoin market or underground nfts or investing 1 cent into tesla in 2008 and you usually just have to nod your head and say "wow jeff you are very smart" so often

[kyloxox]

𝕀 𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕠𝕥 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔼𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕 (James Potter x reader)

Summary: you and James had a complicated history. You wanted to forget he existed. But you just couldn’t.

AN: this went in a complete different direction then I attended but hope you guys like it!

Lover Series Masterlist

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Laughed on the schoolyard. As soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground.

“Hey are we gonna meet up later in the library to prepare for the transfiguration exam?” You asked.

“Sure.” James briskly said as he looked over you to see behind you.

“Sirius! You got them! This is going to be perfect.” James held up a bag full of pop its. “Bye y/n!” James said as he walked with Sirius into the classroom, talking to him whatever god knows what.

“Bye.” You said huffing and walking away to your next class.

-

“Miss. L/N.” You felt your whole body go numb. Of course Mcgonagall chose you first. She placed an apple on on table, gesturing you to stand up and go to the front of the class. As you stood up your chair made a loud shrieking sound. And throughout the quiet classroom it was even more noticeable. You heard some giggles from a pair of boys but you didn’t notice who’s they were. You walked up to the front, your hand gripping your wand.

“Alright Miss. y/n.” She moved out of your way. You shakily held up your wand.

“D-duro.” You tried to say as loud and clear as possible but nothing happened. You heard some giggles behind you but ignored it.

“Duro!” You said more confidently. But still nothing. As the giggles still ensued you gripped your wand tight. “Duro!” You tried one final time. Finally the apple started to turn but instead of to stone it turned into a mush.

“Thank you, Miss L/n, you may sit down.” As you walked to your seat you were finally able to see who was giggled. James and Sirius. Your heart froze. Your best friend was laughing at you, mocking you.

While trying to hold back your tears you sat back to your seat, who now had Lucius Malfoy preoccupying the seat that was empty.

“At least you’re not doing as back as Weasley.” You turned to the front of the classroom to see Arthur’s apple grew wings.

“Shut up Malfoy.” He laughed a little.

“You coming to the slytherin party tonight?”

“No why would I go to that?”

“Cause I want you to.” He looked you up and down.

“Shut up.”

“Whatever worth a try. It’s not like you’ll be over Potter in a night.”

“Excuse me? What did you say?” You turned with a concerned look.

“Everyone knows you’re like obsessed with potter, I mean even he knows. You follow him like a lost dog.”

“I’m not obsessed with him. He’s my best friend.”

“But are you his?” Your lips parted. You never thought of it that way. “Listen come to the party tonight. It’s only slytherins so maybe you can have friends in your own house.”

“Fine, I guess.”

Your name on my lips, tongue tied. Free rent, livin’ in my mind. But then something happened one magical night. I forgot that you existed. And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t. And it was so nice. So peaceful and quiet.

It was the first day back for your 7th year. Your last year before leaving your childhood behind. Over the summer you and your dorm mates hung out almost every other day. They showed how wonderful life was in the world of rich purebloods, especially the shopping weekends in paris.

And your life back home had gotten better. Your parents were happy that you stopped talking to James. They believed as he grew older he became the prime example of a blood traitor. And they were more than happy to pay for your expenses. Along with getting better along with your parents they forced you to get a dark mark and join Voldemort.

“You won’t be a main member, just a follower.” They told you. It still felt wrong. But when everyone around you was doing the same thing, it help fizz that tension.

Over the course of the summer you had almost completely forgetten about James and his immature behavior. You barely tried to contact him over the summer and if he wanted you to he could have done it himself, but he didn’t. And you weren’t surprised.

So now as you were walking into the great hall, trying to act like everything was fine with your fellow slytherins you couldn’t help but feel the lingering eyes of James and his friends. Sure you changed a lot of the summer, including a new hairstyle, no more braces and new expensive diamond earrings banging from your ears. But it wasn’t like James should care.

“Bloody hell. It looks like those slytherins corrupted her.” Sirius joked as he saw you. James just slowly nodded his head as he looked at you awestrucked. You changed. Changed a lot over the summer. New confidence. New hair. New friends.

James would be lying if he said he wasn’t sad you guys didn’t hang out over the summer. I mean it was tradition for you guys to spend the first day of summer together, but James was too busy getting drunk with Sirius to notice.

But the fact that you didn’t even acknowledge James was the saddest for him.

It isn’t love, it isn’t hate. It’s just indifference.

“Hey y/n….”

“Potter.”

“Ouch denounced to Potter.” He smirked at you playfully

“Yep…that’s what I denounce blood traitors as.”

“Damn.” He continued to smirk.

“Bye Potter.”

“Wait y/n!” James said as he graded your arm. In that process your sweater as riden up amd your mark was revealed. You quickly gasped and pulled your sleeve down.

“Y/n? What the hell is that?”

“Nothing!” You swiped her arm away from him.

“I knew your parents were going to corrupt you! But I always thought you’d ignore their efforts. Now with your new friends I’m not surprised.”

“Maybe if you were a good friend I wouldn’t have to become friends with the people who you think are “corrupting me.”

“Okay y/n! I’m sorry! I’m sorry for being such an idiot! I’m sorry for acting like an asshole to you for years.”

“I don’t care James! I don’t care anymore! You’re the only one obviously phased by this!”

“Because we used to be best friends! We used to do everything together.”

“Well, people change James and I think we both know who’s the one who did.”

“Says the one who’s a death eater now!” The moment he said that you turned around and slapped him in the face.

“At least I don’t go behind my friends back and treat her like shit!”

“Oh really? Then what do you call this!” He grabbed your arm and forced your mark in your face.

“It’s called being loyal to my parents! My legacy!”

“Legacy? Y/n, are you hearing yourself?!? Two years ago you made fun of this stuff?!”

“Well I grew up. Obviously you haven’t.“

With that you rushed out of the room. Leaving your childhood behind. Leaving your friendship behind. Leaving your best friend behind.

-

One year later

You barely knew where you were going. All you had was an address scribbled on your hand that was smudged. But it didn’t keep you from briskly walking through adandonded streets.

You managed to find the tiny cottage at the end of the lone street. You quickly looked out as you banged on the door. A few seconds later it was opened by James. He looked aged from the stress of the war but he still looked the same.

“James please! Just listen to me! Voldemort is going to come here. He’s going to kill you! He’s gonna kill you!” You shrieked trying time get him to listen to you.

“Please listen to me! Peter he’s….he’s a death eater now-”

“Please y/n, Peter isn’t you. He would never do that.”

“James!” You shrieked again. “Please believe me!”

“How do you even know where we’re hiding out!” He roared at you.

“Because-”

“Peter told her…” Sirius finished before you could finish “Prongs. I think she’s telling the truth.”

“James please.” You looked into his eyes, as glossy as ever. “Lily, Marlene, Mary has already been killed by him, I don’t want to see you with them.” He looked into your eyes deeply. He knew you were telling the truth and he couldn’t risk it.

“We have to evacuate.” James stated to the rest of the members hiding in the small cottage.

“Well?” James raised his eyebrows, holding the door open. You noticed you were the only one left in the room.

“Well?”

“Are you gonna come?” He said amused.

“Haha very funny.” You deadpanned.

“I’m serious. If he sees you here, he’ll kill you.”

“Maybe it’s what I deserve.”

“Don’t say that.” You both stood silent for a moment. Letting the feeling of childhood nostalgia sink in.

“I’m sorry-” you both say at the same time. God another cliche. Your life was such a cliche.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this. God I hate myself so much with this, this thing on my arm.”

“I’m the one who drived you to it.”

“No, no it was me. I thought getting it would be pay back to you. A kick in the chest to you. But I was wrong I was stupid.”

“I’m still in that equation. If I hadn’t treaten you like an asshole you would never have felt the need to do those things.”

“Yea but maybe I should have acted like tha-”

“Shhh.” James said as he moved closer to you. “It my fault. I was afraid. I was afraid of what people would think if I dated you.” He paused for a second.

“I was afraid they would think I was insane for liking a slytherin. So I acted like an asshole. To get you away from me and god was that stupid. Cause it worked. You were smart enough to get away from me. I thought you would just kept clinging, and that’s what I wanted.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that you treated me like garbage-"

“I know... and it was the worst mistake of my life. Cause I lost you, during the time I most needed you, cause I was selfish.”

“James please, I get you’re trying to apologize but we need to leave.”

“We?”

“Yes, we.”

“Just promise me one thing.” He moved closer to you.

“After the war is over, we forget everything. The war, 7th year and we become best friends again.”

“Yes I promise.” You said and not being able to hold back you grab his face and smash your lips into his.

“Bloody hell.” You whispered.

“Wow just like I imagined.” James smirked holding onto your waist.

“Shut up now we really have to go.” You said grabbing his hand and rushing out the door.

“You two are finally done in there?” Sirius snickered to you guys.

“Don’t worry you’ll have your seven minutes in Heaven with someone soon.” James said over to him with a cocky smile. You just laughed, realizing how much you missed this.

taglist: @accio-rogers @llamaluverlizzy @arianna-17-11 @peasantview @girlyisthatweirdkid @timeladygallifrey @malina4ka @outrodaylight @emcchi @sophisticatedslytherin @thatharrypotterfan13

[obxlife]

Comfort (JJ x Kie)

A/N: This is my first fic that isn’t x Reader so I’m nervous about this. Hopefully, I did good lol. Anyway, I wanted to let you guys know that I have two weeks of classes left and then I’ll be able to open my requests again, I think. It depends on what I’m going to be doing during my vacation and what I’ll be working on.

Pairing: JJ x Kie

Word Count: 6,436

Request: Hi! Could you write an imagine where Kie is in an abusive relationship with a kook? (more details in chat lol)

Summary: Kie is in a relationship with a Kook because of her parents. And JJ and the rest of the boys hate it. They especially hate it when she begins to show signs of abuse, which JJ is quick to recognize. After Kie’s pain goes on for months, JJ and the rest of the Pogues step in, wanting to comfort her and help her. But Kie seems to especially find comfort in a particular blond.

Warnings: ABUSE (I’ll put a warning before it), swearing, a bit of underage drinking and weed. Also, this is told from Kie’s point of view, so it is in first person. 

COMFORT

I was stuck between a rock and a sword, and its gleaming tip was scaring the hell out of me. Obviously this is a metaphor, but the sword was the pressure placed on me by my parents and the gleam was Ryan. 

I hated the fact that he was my boyfriend. Even though I hated him as a person, it was more so due to the fact that my parents were basically forcing me to date him. Well, not him in particular, but they wanted me to date a Kook. And Ryan was the only Kook around my age that was willing to date me.

He was a year older than me, and he had a promising future. His father, Mr. Matthews, was the owner of a line of supermarkets back on the mainland, which meant that they were filthy rich. His mother, Mrs. Matthews, was a lawyer that normally worked out divorce cases. She made s shit ton of money each year because the Kooks were always seemingly splitting up and sleeping around with each other. 

Ryan was supposedly going to grow up to be a lawyer and own the supermarket line, which meant he was for sure going to have money when he was older. This made my mother ecstatic. There was nothing more she wanted for me than to become the wife of some rich man, ensuring my entry to the Country Club and a ticket to Midsummers each year. 

She had been pestering me for years to get a boyfriend that was of our social status. Since everything nowadays was about your relations and connections, if I got it on with a child of a rich, elite couple, I would ensure my family future business deals and whatever the hell my mother wanted to indulge in with them. I had cracked under her pressure about a year ago, finally accepting to go out with Ryan after months of rejecting him.

No one could really understand why he was chasing after me. He just seemed to be obsessed with me. And I’m not saying this to sound conceited or full of myself, because it’s the truth. No Kook could understand why Ryan Matthews, the child of one of the most powerful families in Kildare, wanted to be with me, half-Kook, half-Pogue traitor.

What was even a bigger shock to everyone was the fact that I had accepted. I had never thought I would finally crumble under my mother’s pressure, but I did, and once the word got out, most people assumed I was finally becoming sane. 

See, the difference between me and the rest of the Kooks was that I had friends that didn’t live in Figure Eight. Instead, they lived on the Cut. John B, Pope, and JJ came from, what everyone would tell me, the wrong side of the island. The way I saw it was that they had been unfortunate enough to have economic problems but fortunate enough to not have to deal with the patriarchal and elitist bullshit I had to put up with every day. 

It wasn’t uncommon for me to hear remarks from my classmates at the Kook Academy stating that I was a traitor and that I was hanging out with a bunch of low lives. I tried to not let it bother me, but ultimately, it did. I had to spend every single day alone in school, and it really put a damper on my mood. I would try and pretend that I didn’t care about most of their opinions - which I truly didn’t - but I wasn’t able to pretend that I liked being alone all the time.

That was also a reason as to why I had accepted Ryan’s offers to go out on a date with him, even though I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy myself. In the end, it was going to be a win-win situation where my parents would be happy for me, I wouldn’t be alone in school, and the Kooks wouldn’t ask me about my friends. 

John B, Pope, and JJ couldn’t even begin to understand why I was with Ryan. They had been in one too many fights with him to ever picture him as something different than an egotistical and violent asshole. Which he was, but I tried to ignore that. 

All I would do was pretend like everything was fine. I would spend time with Ryan and the Pogues (separately, of course), balancing my two lives out. When I would come home I’d smile at my parents and gush about how happy I was with Ryan before frowning and heading to bed.

This was something I had become used to. Smiling and pretending everything was fine. Ryan and I were experts at doing this. Behind closed doors were screams and insults but in public everything was perfect.

It had all started after we had been dating for two months. He had come around to my house for dinner with my parents and then he had slipped into my room. He had begun to kiss me, and I wasn’t into it, so I had tried to pull away.

“Are you kidding me?” he asked me, offended. I raised an eyebrow, giving him a questioning look. “Why did I do?”

“Nothing,” I stressed out. It was true, he hadn’t done anything except be himself. That was the reason I didn’t want to kiss him, but it wasn’t something in his control. So I lied. “I’m just tired.”

“Really, Kie?” he asked. His voice held judgment between every letter, almost as if he was doubting the reason as to why I was saying no to him. “I just think it’s funny how we’ve been together for two months and every time I try to kiss you, you pull away. Are you not into me or something?”

I began to panic. If he broke up with me my parents would freak out and begin bothering me again about getting a boyfriend.

“No, Ryan,” I said. I tried to be delicate with my voice as I lied to him. “I’ve just never done this before. You know, kissing and stuff.”

That was a total lie. I had hooked up with more Tourons than I could count on my hands, but Ryan had no way of knowing that. His eyes softened at my words and he approached me, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to hold back the grimace I was about to let out, not wanting to make him angry or anything.

“That’s fine. I can teach you,” he whispered. I almost scoffed but I forced myself to accept the kiss he was giving me. I was grossed out beyond I had ever thought possible, but I didn’t move back. 

Once we parted, I forced myself to give out a smile. Ryan kissed my head once more before stating “Next time, I’ll teach you a lot more than kissing.”

I wanted to gag. I really couldn’t believe he had said that. Once he left my house, I stood up and brushed my teeth at least twice. I thought the worst had already passed, but I was so wrong. 

The following week we went to a party together. I knew the Pogues were also in the crowd, but I wasn’t with them that night. I was with Ryan, pretending to be happy and convincing every single Kook that I was madly in love with him. 

I remember Ryan trying to pull me into a room. I followed him, and closed the door behind me, assuming he wanted to talk. However, he pressed himself into me, kissing me roughly and forcefully. 

I pushed him back, my hands at his chest, and wiped my mouth clean. “Stop,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to do this.”

The alcohol in Ryan’s blood made him come closer to me, pushing my body into the door. “Listen here, you little bitch,” he grounded out. “I’m tired of your shit. You always pull away from me.”

Tears were spilling out of my eyes by now. I didn’t want to be in that room with him, much less kiss him. But I forced myself to stay. 

“I’m sorry, Ryan,” I spoke out. My voice was shaky with fear and it scared me. “I just - I’ve never done-”

“Shut up!” he yelled. “I don’t want to sleep with you anyways. You ugly, fat fucking bitch.”

And with that Ryan opened the door and exited the room. I didn’t have time to analyze the hypocrisies that escaped from his lips as I feel down onto the floor and began to cry. I really thought he was going to force me to do something with him, and that just terrified me to the bones. My body was quivering all over, and I could barely register what was going on outside of the room.

Was what he said true? Was I fat and was that the reason why no Kook ever seemed to approach me? Why had he tried to kiss me if he thought I was ugly and fat?

That night, JJ found me and took me home. His blond locks would shine under the moonlight as we walked back to my place. He tried to make jokes to lift my mood up, and he tried to ask me what had happened, but my mouth remained shut. I belted out a lie about period cramps. I could never tell him what really made me cry. JJ would beat Ryan up and then my parents would be so mad at me for having caused that. 

And so JJ dropped me off, thinking the reason I was crying was something silly and stupid that didn’t merit any attention. 

The next time I saw Ryan, he apologized profusely. He said what he had said was a mistake and a lie and that he was only taking out his anger about something else that had happened out on me. Foolishly, I forgave him, trying to keep him by my side to make my parents happy. 

However, he kept making comments about my body and many of my insecurities.

“You should lose some weight.”

“Your skin is too dark.”

“Your hair looks gross when it’s that long.”

“You should at least try to dress nice.”

“I don’t like you wearing such short shirts.”

It went on for months and months and months. Slowly but surely I tried to hide my bloating stomach and tried to avoid sunlight and chopped half of my hair off. I thought that maybe then Ryan might stop making such comments about me.

He didn’t. Instead, he kept going on and on about every small detail about my physique.

“Your wearing clothes that are too baggy.”

“You look almost sick when you’re this pale.”

“Nobody wants to be around you when you look like this.”

I didn’t even know why I cared. I didn’t even like Ryan, but his words would cut me deep, making me bleed and cry and break down. The Pogues had no idea what was going on. Every time they would question my actions and my decisions, I would shut them out. I’d tell them that the changes in my appearance and in my wardrobe were unrelated to Ryan, contrary to their beliefs. I felt bad for lying, but I didn’t want them to worry. Especially not about something as trivial as myself. 

JJ was the worst out of all of them. It was almost like he could see through me. But no matter how much he would interrogate me, I would always lie. 

Soon Ryan began to become controlling. He wanted to know where I was at all times. His messages would blow up my phone, and sometimes I wouldn’t be able to use it because he was constantly calling me. 

When I would arrive back home I would always find him in my room, where he would begin to question my every move of the day. When he began to realize how much time I had been spending with the Pogues, he began to get mad.

“Why are you spending so much time with them?” he would start. His tone of voice was nowhere near calm, but it was calmer than what it would become.

At first, I would just shrug. “They’re my friends.”

Ryan would scoff and cross his arms, his brows pulling into themselves. “Well, maybe you should get better friends.”

“Hey!” I shouted, mad at what he was saying. “Don’t talk about them like you know them.”

“Well, I do,” Ryan would start. He would then come closer to me and take a hold of my arm. “I know that they are trying to break us apart. They take you away from me. You spend so much time with them that you’re never with me.”

His fingers would latch on so tightly onto my arm that I would let out a yelp. His grip was cutting the blood circulation from my arm and I could feel my fingers going numb.

“Ryan, you’re hurting me!”

Only then would he let go. Right before he would stalk out of my room he would say, “Good. Maybe then you’ll listen to me.”

I didn’t. I would never listen to him. He had no right to get between me and my friends, especially when they were the last good thing I had around. So I would find myself like I am right now, with the Pogues and my phone silenced at the bottom of my bag. 

“Pass me a beer,” JJ said to me as I reached over the bottle I had just opened. I noticed how his arms rippled underneath his shirt, his muscles bulging through the cloth. I sighed, shaking my head and pulling myself out of whatever trance I was about to fall into. JJ would never be into me, especially if what Ryan said about me was true. And that was fine because I was with Ryan anyway. 

The music coming from Pope’s stereo was soft and drowsy, and it almost made me want to fall asleep. However, I knew if I stayed out too late Ryan would get pissed. 

“I think I need to head home, boys,” I told them. John B groaned and rolled his eyes, but he listened to me. He headed over to the chair behind the wheel and turned the engine on/ The turned to boat towards Figure Eight.

“You don’t have to go back just yet, you know?” Pope said. I rolled my eyes at this.

“You know how Ryan is.”

“I don’t get why you don’t just dump him,” JJ stated while standing and turning back to the cooler again. 

“Because,” I replied as if there was an obvious reason as to why I wanted to be with Ryan. JJ and the rest of the boys could see right through my lies. They, however, just remained silent. 

When we finally pulled up to my dock, I hugged Pope and John B before JJ helped me out of the boat. He began to walk me to my door, not commenting on how bony he thought my hands felt.

“Hey,” he called out once we had reached my porch. I turned around to look at him, not yet opening the door to my house. I knew my parents would be inside and they would not want to see JJ. “If you ever need anything, you can always talk to me, okay?”

I nodded, confused as to why JJ was telling me this.

“I know,” I whispered as I hugged him. His hands went around my waist and I suddenly felt small. Tingles broke out from where his skin was in contact with my body, and I felt as he pressed his lips to my temple. 

When we broke apart and I finally entered my home, I pressed my back against the door and sighed. How was JJ making me feel everything I should feel with Ryan? Why was JJ suddenly all I wanted? Why did I always want to -

“I can’t fucking believe you,” Ryan growled out from where he stood, twelve feet away from me. He seemed to be frozen in his spot, and my eyes swiveled around the room to see if my parents were anywhere around. 

“Hi, baby,” I said, trying to ease the tension I knew he was feeling.

“Don’t you fucking dare ‘baby’ me. You are such a lying bitch,” he replied.

My eyes widened in shock. What did I do now?

“I can’t believe you have been cheating on me with that dirty, son of a bitch Pogue.”

“I - I haven’t -”

(A/N: Abuse starts now.)

“DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME!” Ryan yelled out while stalking towards me. His hand was suddenly around my neck, squeezing my trachea and not letting me inhale any air. My fingers clawed at his own, trying to pry them away. Weird, guttural sounds escaped past my lips as he pressed his face next to mine.

“I should have done this ages ago. Ever since I noticed you sneaking around with that Pogue.”

My body was raised from the ground and away from the wall before crashing into it again. I crumbled down onto the floor as Ryan’s leg was raised. It came straight towards my rib cage and I could almost feel it bruising instantly. Ryan crouched down on top of me and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around so that we were face to face. His fist flew back before socking me right in the eye. 

My arms were raised, trying to protect myself from the beating I was receiving. Punch after punch after kick after punch I stayed there, on the ground, in pain. When it finally stopped, Ryan spit on me before wiping his mouth. 

For a second time, he crouched down and latched onto my shirt. “If your parents ask you what happened, you say you got jumped. And I don’t want you to be around those dirty Pogues anymore.”

(A/N: end of abuse.)

I closed my eyes in pain. I could hear as Ryan walked out of my house and closed the door behind him. I felt myself slipping away from the room I was in, and then everything went black. 

When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My parents were crying around me, and I could hear other voices coming from outside my room.

“Oh, thank God!” my mother cried while she reached out for my hand. I groaned in pain, not really understanding what was going on. 

“Kie, sweety, you have to tell us what happened,” my father spoke. “When we came home we found you on the ground, beat up. What happened?”

I thought about telling the truth. I really did. And I weighed out my options and I thought if it would be best to do. Would I free myself from Ryan? Probably. But I had no way of making sure of that. After all, Ryan’s family was a lot richer than mine and I knew what a fancy lawyer could be capable of. Even if I came clean Ryan would probably never step a foot inside a jail cell. However, I still was going to try to get him there.

Just as I opened my mouth, Ryan came stumbling through the door. My stomach fell.

“Oh, Kie, I was so worried,” he lied. Well, maybe he wasn’t lying and he was worried about himself, but I was trying not to think about that. My parents were looking at Ryan and they didn’t notice how I recoiled away from him. 

“Oh, Ryan, honey, we’re so glad you made it!” my mom exclaimed. Ryan smirked, but y parents probably thought he was smiling politely. “We’ll give you two some time together.”

“No!” I tried to shout. My throat almost burned. It was probably because of how Ryan had chocked me earlier. 

“Sorry, Kie, but we couldn’t really understand you,” my father said, staring at me in a questioning matter. 

“Oh, she just exclaimed in joy,” Ryan convinced them while giving me a hard look. 

I helplessly watched as my parents exited the room, panic beginning to flood inside of me. Ryan approached my bed, his gaze not wavering from my body one bit.

“I did a good job, don’t you think?” he said tauntingly. A whimper escaped my mouth as he took my hand in his. Tears began to pool in my eyes but I refused to let them escape. I didn’t want him to see how weak I felt. 

His fingers wrapped around my own as he took a seat next to me. “You do know I did this because I love you. Right?”

My eyes widened in shock. For starters, Ryan had never said he loved me before, so that was shocking in itself. However, what shocked me even more was that he said he hit me because he loved me. How could someone that loved me cause me so much pain?

I began to shake my head, denying what Ryan had said, but his fingers latched onto my chin, squeezing my jaw almost painfully. 

“Yes, baby, I do. If I didn’t love you I wouldn’t have put the effort in teaching you a lesson.”

What the fuck? Was Ryan for real? I tried to shake his fingers away but I felt too weak. I just let him hold me in place hoping that if I didn’t move he would let go of his strong grip on my face.

Ryan stared deep into my eyes, trying to resonate with me. I quickly realized that if I didn’t comply with what he said, he wasn’t going to let me go. I began to nod as if I understood. Once he realized what I was doing he smiled and leaned forward, pressing his lips to mine. I forced myself to respond to the kiss, ignoring the twist in my stomach.

After he left I felt my body relax again. I only had to stay a couple more hours at the hospital before they let me go back home, where I locked myself in my room and ignored whatever sound was coming from my phone.

I knew the Pogues were probably texting me as we had made some plans for that day, but I wasn’t feeling up to it. I knew for a fact that they would realize what had happened to me if I went to see them, and that was the last thing I needed.

And so I ignored them for weeks. They would sometimes walk into The Wreck and I would smile at them and wave, but I felt panicky every time I was around them. I didn’t want Ryan to be lurking around the corner and catch me being friendly to them. I knew what he would do if he caught me.

During these long weeks that I spent ignoring the rest of the Pogues, Ryan made sure to be around me as much as he could. It was almost as if he was making sure that I wasn’t going to be opening up about what he did. But suddenly, I caught a break from him.

“Hey,” he had called out to me one afternoon when we were in my bedroom. I remember my body tensing, afraid that he was calling my attention to tell me another hurtful comment or push me around because I had done something wrong in front of his friends. Every time he called me out I would feel my muscles go stiff and panic flood inside my veins.

“Yeah?” I said trying to keep my voice level. I didn’t want him to feel my fear as I was almost sure he fed on it. He could feel my every move and my every emotion, and I knew he lived for the panic that was induced into my body every time he raised his hand around me or he called me out.

“My parents are taking me out to the mainland next week. Do you want to come with us?”

That had not been what I was expecting to hear, but I knew that this was going to be an opportunity for me to get away from him. He was going to be gone next week and I couldn’t go because it was my mother’s birthday. I knew Ryan was not going to flip out because he respected my parents way too much to take me away from them on one of their birthdays.

“I can’t,” I began softly. I noticed how his nostrils flared in annoyance, probably expecting me to give him some excuse he thought was lame. “It’s my mother’s birthday, remember?”

Ryan’s anger seemed to drain out of him and I noticed how his muscles relaxed. He pushed himself off my bed and stood up, coming closer to where I was seated. I had been folding my laundry when I felt him come close to me, and I ducked my head down to avoid any eye contact with him. Much like an animal, sharing eye contact with Ryan could be dangerous and send him into a frenzy.

He hand suddenly latched onto the back of my neck and gently tugged me towards his chest. He was crouching down, both of his legs around me. He pressed a rough kiss to my lips but I didn’t respond. He pulled away and stared down at me.

“We need some rules for when I’m gone.”

I knew he was going to say that. Just like every time he had something to do and couldn’t be around me, he was setting rules that were probably going to be ridiculous. However, I was too afraid to stand up for myself. I did not want to end in the hospital again, and I had enough bruises that were hidden by my clothes on my body. So I just simply nodded.

“I don’t want you spending time with anybody. Only your parents.”

He stood and began to pace around my room. He did that often when he was thinking or trying to control himself.

“I don’t want you texting anybody but me. If you don’t reply in twenty minutes I will call you. If you don’t pick up, you know what to expect when I get back.”

I nodded but didn’t turn around to look at him. I knew I wasn’t going to be following his first rule, but I would need to follow the second one for sure. I knew he had a tracker on my phone (I had found that out after getting a pretty bad beating), so I wouldn’t be texting anyone else anyway.

“When I call or text you, I want you to give me a full report about where you are. I will be checking in with your parents so don’t even think of lying.”

Ryan continued to walk behind me as I carried on folding my clothes. I felt myself sweating, already planning what I was going to do once I was away from him and his overbearing tendencies. 

Once he had settled down, he laid down on the bed once again before fishing his phone out from his pocket. I had finished folding my clothes and headed over to my closet to put it away.

“Understood?” Ryan suddenly spoke out from where he was. I nodded and then said, “Yes.”

He seemed happy enough with that.

The following week I found myself heading down to the Chateau, which I hadn’t stepped foot in since Ryan had beat me up and I was in the hospital. I was nervous, not knowing if they would want to take me back into their group, especially since this was the second time I had abandoned the Pogues. 

However, this time was different, and I felt as if they could feel that as well. The last time I had left them behind was because I had chosen to do so (and which now I kind of regretted), but this time it had been against my choice. And so when I walked in with my heart beating inside my chest, I felt relief wash over me as the boys I loved so much came up to hug me.

“We thought you were dead!” John B exclaimed as his arms wrapped around me. I flinched slightly when he raised his arms and I tried to ignore the panic that spread through my body at the moment. 

JJ noticed though. He had been through so many beatings he knew exactly what it was like to flinch when somebody was going to give me a hug or when I thought someone might throw a punch at me. JJ saw how I had a little bit of panic swimming inside of my orbs and how I was covering my body a lot more than usual. He noticed how I winced when Pope’s arms pressed against my ribcage and how a tear pooled in my eyes as JJ stood up to approach me. He noticed how small and bony and frail I was under his touch, and how much my cheekbones were sticking out from my skin. He noticed how pale I was and the dark circles under my eyes. He recognized himself in me, and that made him worry.

I noticed how his arms were moving extremely slow, almost as if he didn’t want me to panic around him. His arms came around my shoulders and I noticed how he avoided my ribcage in general. I closed my eyes in relief that he had forgiven me, but they shot open in panic when I realized he had probably noticed what was going on with me.

He couldn’t know. JJ couldn’t know. But he did. So now I had to make sure that Ryan would never know that JJ knew what had been happening behind closed doors.

This was the only train of thought going through my head as we all boarded onto the HMS Pogue and headed out into the marsh. JJ noticed every time I flinched and every time I would recoil from what was going on around me. I could feel his gaze burning into me, and as much as it would have made me blush two months ago, now it was making me nervous.

When we finally arrived back at the Chateau, JJ accompanied me to get something from my car. It was then when he tried to talk to me.

“Hey, Kie,” he said questioningly. He didn’t know how to approach the situation at hand, and I could feel his nerves rolling off from his body. His hand reached out to touch my back, right between my shoulders, but I jumped away from him and wrapped my arms around myself.

His wide eyes made me know he had noticed how jumpy I was, and I cleared my throat, trying to make the situation less awkward. “What’s up?”

“I just… Are you okay?” he asked. He sounded genuinely concerned and I felt bad for lying to him. But I knew if I ran my mouth and Ryan found out, I would probably end up in the hospital again.

“Yeah, J. Why wouldn’t I be?” I lied.

“It’s - I mean, is Ryan - Are you and Ryan okay?” he asked now. Oh God, now I was certain that he knew. It made sense that he would be the one to notice exactly what was going on with me. It was foolish of me to think I could hide this from him.

“Yeah,” I voiced out. However, my word broke and JJ could instantly tell I was lying.

“Kie,” he tried softly. He was probably trying to imitate the tone of voice I would use when he would come back to the Chateau beaten by his dad. I remember I never knew how to act, but speaking softly seemed to calm him down. “I know you’re lying. Can you please tell me the truth?”

Tears instantly broke out from my eyes. They fell down my cheeks and they burned, and just like JJ had done when I had first arrived at the Chateau, he raised his arms as slowly as he could and hugged me. I broke down completely after that, sobs choking and ripping me apart, while his hands rubbed up and down. I felt butterflies erupting from my stomach, but I pushed them down. It was so stupid that from this situation all I felt for JJ was love. How could I love him when I was nothing? How could I love him and want him to hold him if I was worthless?

“I know, Kie,” the blond whispered in my ears. His hand went over my hair, petting it down as he tangled his digits through my locks. “You can always come to us, okay?”

I shook my head. He didn’t get it. “I - I can’t!”

“Okay, can you tell me why you can’t?”

“Because he’ll find out. And then it’ll happen again.”

“What will happen again?” JJ asked. His voice had suddenly turned a lot harder. He knew what was going on with me, but now that he heard me speak out the truth, he was angry. Did he know all the truth, to begin with?

“He - he - I’ll end up at the h-hospital again.”

“Wait, what?” he growled out. His fists were suddenly scrunched up, holding onto the cotton of my shirt. I tensed up when I felt his hands take the form of fists, afraid that he might lash out on me. It was ridiculous, as I knew JJ would never do that, but I was still afraid. He must have felt me become nervous because JJ relaxed his muscles.

“He was mad, JJ. So mad. And he said I was cheating on him a-and he beat me up until I blacked out and -”

My sobs didn’t let me continues. And so JJ cradled me until I stopped crying. Until I was okay enough to be able to speak and tell him what had happened. By then, we were back inside of the Chateau with the rest of the Pogues around us.

Once I had told them everything (and after breaking down like seven more times), they wrapped me up in their arms and told me that everything would be fine. That was probably a lie, but it gave me enough sense of comfort to hug them back without flinching and without breaking down again. 

They helped me organize my thoughts and tried to convince me to break out of the toxic relationship I had with Ryan. They tried to get me to talk to my parents and they all stated that they would support me along the way. But what gave me a feeling of security was not their words. No, instead, it was JJ’s hand that had been wrapped around mine ever since he led me back into the Chateau.

His thumb would rub small little circles into the back of my hand, and it was almost grounding to me. It made me forget about my panic and about what was going to happen once Ryan found out what had gone down this afternoon. 

Once I got back inside of my car with JJ by my side, he continued to throw out promises that sounded sweet and reassuring. Once again, however, it wasn’t this that made me feel more relaxed and safe. His hand on my thigh was what made me calm down.

When we arrived back at my house, he climbed out of the car with me and headed inside. I was happy that my parents weren’t back from The Wreck yet because this meant I didn’t have to sneak JJ in. 

Just as the blond had promised me before, JJ helped me clean all of the wounds that were right now on my body. From bruises to small cuts. He told me a story of something that happened to him and the rest of the Pogues while I had been absent, distracting me from the stinging of the rubbing alcohol. He pressed his fingers around my ribcage to spread a cream that would help with my bruising as he began to joke around. When he was done, he stood up straight again, eye level with me. I was seated up on the counter, and he slowly wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Kie,” he whispered out while leaning in closer. “I want you to know that whatever he said about you is fake.”

I simply nodded, not trusting myself to speak without crying again. Instead, I just leaned forward into his comforting touch wondering if I would ever have the nerves o come clean about what I felt about him.

“Kie,” he called out again. “I really want to kiss you right now.”

I nodded, whispering a small “Same” to him. He continued to lean forward until finally, his lips were on mine. 

Instead of making my heart race at an ungodly pace, my heart seemed to slow down. My blood wasn’t pumping in my veins and everything around us fell utterly silent. His touch wrapped me around in a blanket of safety - one that didn’t make me feel trapped or panicked at all. It brought me comfort in a way nothing had ever brought me before - more than when I was small and my dad would pretend to scare away the monsters in my closet and more than when my mom would kiss my head goodnight. The pressure of his lips on mine was just perfect and made me feel loved and cared about. 

When we broke apart I almost whimpered, wanting to feel safe again. He let out a breathy laugh before pulling back and wiping my tears away.

“I want to keep doing that,” JJ said to me. I was surprised he was being so open with his feelings. But I guess we were both vulnerable and that made him feel safe as well. 

“Me too,” I said softly. “But I’m still with Ryan right now.”

JJ nodded in understanding. “I’ll help you with whatever you go through. Okay?”

I nodded. I wrapped my arms around JJ and rested against him as he hugged me back. The feeling of safety that I had felt while kissing him came back to me and made me feel better. I wasn’t okay yet, but I would be. As long as I had JJ and his comfort by my side, I could grow into a person I wanted to be. A person that would be okay.

[synoxshots]

OC list

Yo! I’ve finished the Big Update to my oc page, filling in nearly all the characters in my legacy and including my two new Sith babies. I’m also cross-posting here under the cut in case it’s easier/because I’m extra. 

Edited and up to date as of September 2020.

Universe notes: 

Main universe has Yalla’ra as the Outlander/Alliance Commander, all fit into that barring Iphedarius

Iphedarius is my dark side Outlander/Commander AU - as I couldn’t see her playing nicely enough to fit in to an Alliance that wasn’t her own.

Qiren also has an AU where she is the Outlander and the Alliance doesn’t side with either the Republic or Empire. In Yalla’ra’s universe Ticcer is the story-canon smuggler, Qiren funds the Star Fortress resistances before formally joining the Alliance.

Yalla’ra

Class: Jedi Knight

Type: Guardian

Species: Miraluka

Born: 12 BTC

Born on the Miraluka homeworld of Alpheridies, Yalla'ra's force talents were clear from a young age and led her to join the Jedi Order. She quickly rose to prominence whilst learning under Master Orgus Dinn, but despite her triumphs she was far from the ideal Jedi – struggling to control her emotions, being too ambitious, and being prone to acting rashly. After joining the Tol Braga's strike team to face the Emperor, she was haunted by her failure and determined to destroy the Emperor no matter what the cost. Despite her success, the dark path she led strained her relationship with the Jedi Council, who denied her the rank of master despite her achievements.

Her path changes after meeting the ghost of Orgus Dinn on Rishi, who helps her realise she's lost perspective of what a Jedi should really be. She regains her memories of her time being possessed by the Emperor and is overwhelmed with guilt – for her actions then, but also before and since. As Alliance Commander she follows the path of the light, being determined to have a positive impact on the galaxy by first and foremost helping its citizens.

Ticcer

Class: Smuggler

Type: Scoundrel

Species: Mirialan

Born: 14 BTC

Ticcer was just a teenager when the Sacking of Coruscant happened, orphaning him and his sister and destroying their home. He has to start doing all he can to get by – running small cons, pickpocketing, stealing speeders – all sorts of petty crime that is part of daily life in Coruscant's underworld. He has a natural charm which he uses to swindle as many people as he can, and he also learns to fight dirty to get by.

He hates the Empire for destroying what his life might have been, but is apathetic towards the Republic because they were never there for him and his sister in their time of need. When his sister dies in the crossfire of a fight, he ends up becoming more ruthless and selfish, taking on an attitude of him against the world.

His life as a smuggler starts when a con gets a bit too big on him, leading to him killing the guy in self defence and running off with his ship filled with guns to be delivered offworld. Ticcer happily obliges and falls in love with the life he finds, first falling in with a smuggling crew and later deciding to go out on his own.

Ruka’ii

Class: Jedi Consular

Type: Sage

Species: Human

Born: 10 BTC

Ruka'ii is devoted to the force, always believing she is following in the path it has laid out for her and trusting in it to guide her actions. She believes her role as a Jedi is to serve others and the Republic, and as such completes her missions without complaint to the burdens placed upon her.

She always seeks to understand the people she meets and their motivations, and would much rather use her words than resort to combat. She believes in justice and redemption, willing to give her enemies a second chance wherever possible. She is also unafraid to stand up to her allies when she believes their choices are leading to a dark path, even when this may be a hindrance to their objectives. She has a talent for diplomacy and negotiating, which leads to her being chosen to work with the Rift Alliance and gaining the title of master despite her young age.

She is a scholar with interests in history and archaeology, the complexities of the force, and other cultures throughout the galaxy. When she is not away on a mission, she is often to be found studying in the archives on Tython and maintaining contact with her allies from her travels.

Qiren Alto

Class: Smuggler

Type: Gunslinger

Species: Human

Born: 15 BTC

When Qiren Alto started smuggling she thought she'd be all about the money, but somewhere along the line she became the person that stands up from the little guy. Her and her crew still get a good share, but she likes to steal from the rich and give it to the poor – a bit of direct action against the political machines of the galaxy. She believes in loyalty and is happy to help a friend out, but still won't hesitate to take revenge when she's betrayed or someone takes a shot at her reputation. Overall she sees herself as one of the good guys, even if sometimes she's doing the right thing for the wrong reasons or vice versa.

She's a massive flirt, not caring if they're Empress of the Sith or Grandmaster of the Jedi Order, she'll still give them the eye. She's snarky and cocky and aware of her skills, charms, and good looks – and she likes to bring that up as well. She'll find the funny side in even the most serious of situations and make everyone – companions and enemies – roll their eyes. She likes to look the part as well, and believes a good hat and a good jacket are two of the most important things a smuggler should have.

Jayma Oli

Class: Bounty Hunter

Type: Powertech

Species: Human Cyborg

Born: 16 BTC

Growing up on Nar Shaddaa, the underworld was just a way of life for Jayma Oli from a young age. Her parents owned a popular cantina on the city planet, but it was more of a front for the shadier business dealings that went on behind the scenes. Jayma followed in the family profession as soon as she was old enough to hold a blaster, gaining a reputation as an enforcer despite her youth and small stature.

Growing up around spacers gave Jayma an unshakeable wish to travel the galaxy however, and to see the sights she'd heard about in all their stories. When she turned 18 she left her home to live that dream, making a living as a hired gun and soon finding a place for her talents with a smuggling crew. She is professional in her role, following her orders to the letter, and though she doesn't kill for the sake of it she is always determined to defend her honour. Money is her prime motivator over any political beliefs: she has no great love for either the Republic or the Empire, but often finds herself working with the Empire as they offer her the best deals.

Iphedarius

Class: Sith Warrior

Type: Marauder

Species: Sith Pureblood

Born: 14 BTC

Iphedarius was born to an ancient Sith bloodline, and taught from an early age to value and pursue power above all else. As the fifth of six children she faced less pressure from her parents to provide further heirs, and was able to focus fully on her Sith training. She proved powerful in the force, fully giving in to the dark side and encouraging Sith values amongst her companions, and rose to become one of the most powerful Sith in the galaxy in her role as Emperor's Wrath.

She tried to remain faithful to the Emperor for as long as possible, though eventually his atrocities could no longer be ignored and she sided with Darth Marr for his expedition into Wild Space. When Valkorion took up residence in her head, she was at first willing to use his power but realised by doing so she would never have true control. After his defeat she seized the opportunity to become Empress, later returning to become Empire's Wrath after the destruction of the Eternal Fleet.

Xianen

Class: Sith Inquisitor

Type: Assassin

Species: Twi’lek

Born: 12 BTC

Xianen was part of a group of Jedi younglings travelling to an enclave when their ship was attacked by the Sith and all non-humans shunted into slavery, though watched carefully for evidence of their force abilities. Initially she resolves to stay true to the Jedi way and attempts to escape from slavery numerous times with varying levels of success, but over time the punishment she is given breaks her resolve and she gives herself fully to the dark side of the force. She is bitter and angry, vowing revenge against the weak Jedi Order and wishing to show them the full force of the dark side. This delights the Sith, and she is duly sent to Korriban to receive full training.

Emyr Devand

Class: Sith Warrior

Type: Juggernaut

Species: Human

Born: 13 BTC

Emyr Devand was born on Ziost, his parents being active members of the Ziost Liberation Front. His parents did their best to keep their terrorist activities a secret, though drip-fed him some of their ideas and also encouraged him to hide his force-sensitivity, not wanting him to become a Sith. However, when Emyr was nine his parents were uncovered as traitors and sent to prison, leaving him to be raised by his staunchly pro-Empire grandparents.

His grandparents were delighted to discover his force-sensitivity, seeing it as a matter of pride when they sent him off to the Sith academy and a chance to dispel the family shame caused by his parents. He arrives at the academy with much to prove and relishes the chance to finally learn to use his force powers, but his parents have had enough of an influence that he finds himself struggling to give himself truly to the full ideals of the Sith.

Onyxus Vai

Class: Bounty Hunter

Type: Mercenary

Species: Rattataki

Born: 20 BTC

Born on Rattatak but fed up with the planet's warring ways, Onyxus always wished to leave his homeworld behind and seek his fame and fortune in the wider galaxy. His size, physicality, and fighting skills honed on his planet soon helped him to find freelance work for many gangs and spacers in the years that followed. However, despite appearances and his obvious ability, away from the job he is a relaxed, quiet character and known by his friends to be a gentle giant.

Over time as a freelancer, he finds himself repeatedly bumping into the pirate crew of Paxton Rall, the two saving each other several times on their travels before deciding it will save them a lot of time if Onyxus simply joins his crew. The two form a close friendship and later romance, travelling the galaxy and living the pirate lifestyle. Onyxus joins the Great Hunt as part of a harebrained scheme cooked up by the crew after his birthday celebrations, another of their wild plans for fame and adventure. It comes as something of a surprise when he gets accepted, but he soon makes a name for himself as a successful bounty hunter.

Leire Santo

Class: Trooper

Type: Commando

Species: Human

Born: 15 BTC

The child of two Republic military heroes, Leire Santo was always destined to follow in her parents' footsteps. After excelling during her time in a military academy and impressing in early postings, she was scouted to join the elite Havoc Squad. Despite a self-confidence that could at times border on arrogance, the shock of having to suddenly take upon a position of leadership proved to be the making of her. She believes in doing the right thing and never wants to stoop to the Empire's level, even when at times it contradicts the strict letter of the orders given.

Though her injuries cause her to step back from active duty during the war against Zakuul, her leadership skills and tactical insight make her a key member of the Eternal Alliance. As the Alliance formally becomes part of the Republic following the destruction of the Eternal Fleet, Leire is elected as the senator for Odessen.

Ank’aeto’sonu

Class: Jedi Knight

Type: Sentinel 

Species: Chiss

Born: 18 BTC

Ank'aeto'sonu - more often known as Kaetos or Kaet - was born on Csilla, a force-sensitive child in a society that shunned force users. Loving their child dearly and wanting a future where they wouldn't be forced into hiding, when Kaetos reached adulthood their parents paid for a series of transports to a Republic core world where they could seek out the Jedi.

Kaetos arrived on Corellia in the days following the Treaty of Coruscant when tensions were still high, and so was initially treated with high suspicion on their meeting with Republic forces. However, their persistence paid off when meeting Jedi Master Tol Braga, and they soon found themself joining the Order as a padawan learner. With a lot of catching up to do, they find their force training both frustrating and hugely rewarding, and in the Jedi Order finally feeling like they have a place where they belong.

[balterbruh]

Angel ~ Draco Malfoy one-shot

Hello! This is my first harry potter short, and it may not be the best, seeing as I haven't read the books since I was in primary school, and I last watched the movies at Christmas. however, my friend asked me to write her a short, and Im lowkey proud of it. So if you read this please do leave feed back. -B

Draco and you had fallen in love gradually over the 6 years in Hogwarts. You shared many classes, and many arguments, including the same house. Slytherin. At first you never thought you’d be crying over the annoying blonde boy from 1st year, who made fun of your red headed friend. And that doubt increased when he constantly called Hermione a Mud-blood. Making you feel all the more guilty when you first began sneaking off to his dorm in the middle of the night.

You fell for him, it took a long time, it was the Yule ball, and you had been stood up and sat on the side, watching your friends look as miserable as you. Ron was sulking, and he had ruined Hermione’s night. Harry was pining over a girl, who was not Ginny, and the night was just a mess for the golden Trio. Then you nose was filled with the smell of peppermint and expensive cologne. She could smell it from anywhere. Draco made sure to plaster it on every morning, to remind everyone in the whole castle. Just how rich he was.

“Look, now isn’t the time Malfoy. Why don’t you go-“ Your thoughts were interrupted when his hand came into your eyeline. His rings were adoring each finger. And you found yourself scoffing at his limb.

“Just dance with me Y/L/N.” Although his intentions were kind, he was still speaking with the arrogant tone you had grown accustomed too. You found yourself reaching for his hand and he waltzed you to the dance floor. You both danced awkwardly at first but later were laughing as you ran the halls of the castle.

You rarely spoke after that night, not even rude comments, but the kiss you both shared after potions class the month after. You became an inseparable, secretive couple.

At first both of you agreed you didn’t want to let everyone know you were dating. As it would ruin his image and bother your friends. So 5th year rolled round, He remained the arrogant Malfoy you knew from day one, but when he was with you, he was nicer, smiled more. You even had silly nicknames for each other.

“Baby, can you pass me my tie?” You were getting dressed for your first class of the day.

“Here you go Angel.” He threw it at you, smiling when it hit you in the face.. you let a giggle pass your lips. You threw on your robe, he held the door open and gave you a peck on the lips as you passed him, “See you later today.”

However later that day. wasn’t what you had expected. The question he asked you, made you panic, thinking ,maybe he had told someone about your relationship. “When are we going to tell people were dating?” He said it so casually, in the middle of the common room where anyone could hear. You immediately shot up and covered his mouth, looking around for anyone, but seeing as it was past midnight, everyone else was asleep, He laughed at your antics, pushing you off. “Come on, I’m ready to tell everyone about us.” The happy look on his face made you let out a small sigh.

“Draco, we cant.” His smile fell, and you hated when he didn’t smile, after the first time you were the cause of something you had never seen before, you just wanted to make him smile all the time. “don’t look at me like I killed your Toad, besides, you were the one who said we should keep quiet.” After Draco asked you to be his girlfriend, he was also very quick for it to remain a secret. It was a mutual agreement or so you thought.

“What I can’t change my mind? God.” He huffed and crossed his arms and looked away with a scowl on his face.

“I don’t see why it is so important? We have been doing just fine and my friends-“ He cut you off, which made you angry, especially after expressing on multiple occasions that the one thing you hated most was being interrupted.

“Oh why do they matter? They’re not worth your time.” You glared at him. Yes you were in different houses, and the three were closer than you were with any of them, but they were your friends.

“Potter, a Weasley, and a mud blood, you’re just a traitor.” He stated as he stood up, you followed his move and pointed a finger to his chest.

“That is why I won’t tell people about us.” You knew that he didn’t mean calling you a traitor, and admittedly he had refrained from insulting the rest of your friends, so that was just his way of angering you, and you didn’t mean what you said about telling people about your relationship, you just wanted to anger him. And it worked, he pushed past you and stormed off to the boys dorms.

You didn’t speak to him for two days after that, it was a hard thing to do, as a day hadn’t went by without talking to each other since fourth year. So seeing him walk straight past you without a glance, and watching him lean into Pansy’s advances while staring you in the eye was getting beyond infuriating.

You stormed into his room, it was Monday, the day where almost everyone in the Slytherin house had class all day. except you and Draco had free’s during third and fourth period. So when he saw you walk in with an angry look on your face, he wasn’t surprised, you had taken this time to hang out many times before. “You have no right being mad at me Draco!” You seethed, snatching his book from his hands. “We both agreed that we would keep this a secret, so if you’re going to whine like a baby, then maybe we should just end it. So there’s no secret to tell.” That spiked his interest, his attention finally was on you and you let yourself faulter just the littlest bit, keeping your arms folded and your glare firm.

“I don’t want that…” He said with a soft voice, something you had heard very little from him over the course of the year. “I don’t want to tell anyone anyway…” That made you falter, your arms fell and you sat next to him, tilting your head trying to get a look at his face. When he didn’t make it easy for you, you lifted your left hand to tilt his head up and your eyes met.

“Are you sure-“ You were cut off with a nod. “Then what’s wrong love?” He took a deep sigh, and let his guard down just a little bit more, you couldn’t help smiling at that, it was something you had been working on for the past year of your relationship.

“I just wanted to feel like this…” He pointed between himself and you. “this was real, and that it wasn’t just a silly thing.” You let out a giggle at his words, never had hearing him speak in such away. “Its not funny…” You cut him off with a kiss, and you felt him relax into it.

“I love you, Malfoy.” His eyes widened at your confession, and by doing that it made you more nervous, you hadn’t said those three words to each other before, and you knew he wasn’t going to say it first, and the timing just felt like the right time. Well it did. “I-“

“I love you too Angel,” He smiled and leant in for another kiss. That was the first time you fought, you’re first I love you, and first night you spent together. Or afternoon.

“What if Crabe or Goyle walk in?” He didn’t answer just lifted his wand and locked the door. Making you both continue in a flood of awkward giggles.

 You didn’t tell anyone about your relationship, 6th year rolled around and Draco was acting different, he was less loving, and more angry. It confused you, but you still remained together whenever you could. After your first fight in 5th year, you didn’t again, only little disputes when he insulted people, or you made fun of his attitude.

The year was a stressful one, with Voldemort looming over everyone. You were a nervous wreck, then you found out about Dumbledore’s death and Snape had become the headmaster. You were frightened. You looked for Draco in comfort and he gave it too you, yet when you found out he was a death eater, it broke your heart. You had noticed that he had been acting more hostile, harry had mentioned it over the course of the year. Yet you never believed it until you saw him leaving for the room of requirement. After he had been avoiding you for days, and cutting your conversations short. You knew something was up right away and when he forgot to cover his death eater tattoo.

“I cant believe you…” You were backing away, he rolled down his sleeve. Trying to keep you from leaving. “Don’t. You say I’m a traitor but you! You’re much _much  _worse…”

“Angel.”

“No! Don’t touch me.”

The blonde boy watched as his only constant left and he couldn’t help but let a tear fall. You stormed out, letting the golden trio know that you were ready to fight for Hogwarts, you wanted to take down Voldemort. In hopes of getting your Draco back.

The war killed many, you watched as many of your classmates fell. You however kept your head high. Then Voldemort arrived. Harry went to fight. To stop him once and for all. Yet when Voldemort’s Army arrived, with Hagrid carrying the boy who lived. Limp in his arm.

“Harry potter is dead!” He belted, Bellatrix was laughing and Ginny screamed.

You swore you heard everyone’s heart crumble at his words, you glanced around the crowd, and your eyes landed on your boyfriend. He looked just as heartbroken as everyone watching. He looked scared. Nervous and all you wanted to do was run and hold him until all the bad left his life.

We had lost.

“Come forward and join us, or die.” Voldemort finished, no one even moved a muscle, and you stared Draco down, he was looking around at his fellow students, he was looking at you. Then Draco’s father began to catch his attention.

“Draco.” He begged. Yet, his son was hesitant, just waiting for someone to stop him, to convince him to stay. So you did.

Reaching out your hand. Everyone’s eyes fell to you. “Draco come here.” You smiled softly, his nerves seemed to ease, only to spike when Voldemort spoke. “Draco my boy! Come here.” The tone was condescending, and you watched as Draco almost walked to him.

“Baby, please. Don’t do this.” You kept your hand raised. His eyes filtered between the both of you. Before he took a step. Everyone was watching it unfold, wondering how they missed the relationship, but you payed no attention to anyone else, keeping your eyes trained on the boy you had grown to love. Before you knew it, his ring clad hand was placed in yours, the same hand you took the night of the ball however his cologne wasn’t as strong this time around.

Without missing a beat, you wrapped your arms around him, uttering how much you loved him, apologizing as he clung to your clothes. Everything moved in slow motion. You looked over his shoulder to see a very angry Dark lord, he raised his arms. Aiming for Draco’s back with his next spell.

“Avadakadabra!” and as quickly as he said it, you had turned his body, blocking it with your own. Screams filled your ears. Your fellow classmates watching as your body fell to the floor being cradled by the Slytherin prince himself.

You were gone before he could tell you how much he loved you. He didn’t know how he would carry on without you, but one thing he knew is he was going to kill Voldemort, or die trying.

 The war had ended, Hogwarts had won, yes it was destroyed, and many lives were lost. They still won. Draco had stolen the wand of Voldemort, helping Harry in his ambush, before keeping the dark lords attention for as long as he could.

It was time to clean the castle up, and Draco walked around, eyeing the once magical pictures. Hermione had helped him move your body. Offering him a kind but sad smile in the meantime. Now he was cleaning up the mess as best he could to distract him from his heartbreak.

He lifted an old mirror, making him let out a small gasp. It was the mirror of Erised. The thing that shows your most wanted desire. He finally let his tears fall, not bothering to hide them anymore. With a deep sigh he smiled.

“Hello Angel.”

[shenanigans-academia]

Summer Training Camp Arc/ Rescue Bakugo/ The End of All Might

Episode 39: Game Start

•the fact that Denki and Mineta physically went to Mido’s house to invite him to the pool is actually kinda cute. Too bad they have creepy intentions

•Momo:”Aw I was supposed to spend several weeks traveling Venice with my parents”

Uraraka: “WHAT is YoUr LiFE??” I feel you girl

•Mineta/Denki:”TheRe’S BoObS At tHe End Of ThiS TuNnEL”

Iida-Absolute Unit-Tenya:”HELLO FELLOW CLASSMATES”

•Iida is built like a fucking TANK what the heck but why the fuck are you walking like that Iida lmao

•Iida talking about how far he and Izuku have come as friends, I’m soft

•Kiri refusing to come without Bakubabe convincing Bakugo to join then looking so defeated when he immediately starts picking a fight I can’t with these two

•”friendly competition between classmates” cuts to Bakugou looking possessed before saying “I’m going to annihilate you Deku/ Icy Hot Bastard” bruh do you have an off switch or at least take it down like 20 notches you’re exhausting

•”YOU DIDNT EVEN TOUCH THE WATER”

“ITS CALLED FREE STYLE SWIMMING”

•Lmao the whole class is cheating

•I love how it just cut to a dramatic montage of TodoDeku moments while Sho can’t take his eyes off Mido WHY THEY ALL SO INTENSE FOR YOURE 15 HANGING OUT AT A POOL DURING THE SUMMER WHY ARE YOU GUYS ALWAYS ON

•Mido/Todo/Iida all just staring at each other intensely having their own inner montages. Literally anybody watching them “...are they okay?”

•Aizawa you party pooper

•I’m sorry but Kirishima is so in love and no one can tell me other wise no I do not take constructive criticism

•Okay that end montage is so fucking pure I’m. So. Soft

Episode 40: Wild, Wild Pussycats

•Kirishima “can’t keep my hands to myself/off Bakugo Katsuki” Eijirou

•Class 1B to anybody they meet: “we’re sorry about Monoma”

•Aizawa loves his class can’t you tell

•”Long time no see” Aizawa’s a cutie

•Lmao KOTA the first of Mido’s adopted kids

•These poor fucking kids can’t catch a fucking BREAK

•Koda tried and I love him

•Kiri’s heart eyes are so LOUD

•I love when they all work together

•”YOURE IN MY WAY ICY HOT”

“Then pick another route” Todoroki doesn’t have time for your tantrums Kacchan

•These poor kids

•Kota went for the KO

•”YOU FIEND OF A CHILD. GEEZ KID HOW OLD ARE YOU”

•”Brats got spunk”

“He’s like a mini version of you “

He’s right and should say it

•Mineta needs a muzzle

•The boys are all like we’re just as curious to see the girls but Mineta needs to calm down 300%

•Kota to the rescue!

•IIDA GOT A FACEFUL OF MiNETA ASS HE DIDNT DESERVE THAT AGSFJSHHSJXG

•Mina almost killed a child with her boobs I’m dead and so is Kota

•I’m sorry but it’s both funny and weird that Midoriya is just naked while being told this child’s tragic backstory

•Aizawa you are actively trying to kill your students aren’t you just admit it

Episode 41: Kota

•Testutestu is such a good boy

•Good training idea according to UA Teachers: Break yourselves or else you’re weak. Just fucking die then you can be heroes

•Tiger is amazing “I’m here to beat you guys to a pulp”

“I have some questions about him...” ME TOO RANDOM CLASS 1B STUDENT BUT I LOVE HIM

•Iida tries so hard

•Momo explains how her quirk works: smart and precise description

Sero Fucking Hanta: “like how poop works” BRUH

•This kid is literally just a mini Kacchan

•I’m sorry but Mido why would you ask a small child who you’re trying to befriend about their murdered parents like what part in your mind made you think that was a good idea

•Mina And Bakugo sleep the same way, starfish style, I love them. But who the FUCK is sleeping under a bunch of pillows off their mattress on the straight floor with their butt in the air (I bet money it’s Kaminari)

•everyone complaining about training in the dark:

Tokoyami: ”Revelry in the Dark”

•Kirishima’s too tired to deal with his angry boyfriend

•Todoroki trying to help Midoriya with Kota “be careful what you say, you can be really annoying” he’s trying

•Tokoyami constantly whispering “Revelry in the Dark” to himself is the FUNNIEST thing to me I love you, you emo punk

•It Dabi Time

Episode 42: My Hero

•these poor fucking kids I swear

•”we want our treat Mr. Aizawa”

“Do you want me to tighten your bindings?”

Oooh Kinky Bad Aizawa akshdhbekal

•MONOMA SHUT UP

•Spinner is a long lost Ninja Turtle Brother change my mind

•”DIDNT ANYBODY TELL YOU ITS NOT A HEROES JOB TO BE HAPPY” clearly

•I respect Testutestu so much

•This muscley villain is Bakugo’s real dad and nobody can tell me other wise

•Okay that fucking Bondage villain is genuinely terrifying

•KOTA BABY STAY BACK P L E A S E

•it’s been X amount of days since breaking my bones- erases whatever number was there and puts a fat zero MIDORIYA YOU WERE DOING SO WELL but for this we will make an exception I guess

•oh my fucKING GOD KOTA JUST R U N

•Mido really thought he was gonna die holy FUCK

•”One For All One Million Percent” MIDORIYA YOU CANT EVEN HANDLE 5% BABY BOY WHAT IS YOU DOIN

Episode 43: Drive It Home, Iron Fist

•Shiggy thinking in Video Games format is honestly so on brand

•Mido is FUCKED UP right now poor boy

•”We’re in big trouble” YEAH NO SHIT ERASURE

•BAMF Aizawa is my reason for living

•Okay I forgot how much I love Twice

•Aizawa seeing Izuku’s broken bones: ”AGAIN???”

•Kota’s precious and I LOVE DADZAWA

•KIRI’S SO UPSET THAT THAT THE VILLAINS ARE HERE FOR BAKUGO IM SOBBING

•”Teachers changing their minds about fighting, why do I feel like this is Deku’s fault” BAKUGO SHUT UP YOU HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW YOU DICKHEAD

•TESTUTESTU IS SUCH A GOOD BOY

•DUDE BROUGHT A FUCKING GUN TO A CAMP I FORGOT ABOUT THAT HOLY SHIIIITTT

•CLASS 1B MVPS KENDO AND TESTU MOTHERFUCKING TESTU

•Midoriyas doing a Naruto run because his arms are fucking broken I’m crying

•Tokoyami, Dark Shadow And Shouji IM READY

Episode 44: Roaring Upheaval

•Tokoyami tries so hard to be good I love him

•WE! DESERVE! SO! MUCH! MORE! SHOUJI!

•Yami is so emo And is just such a Good Boi AH

•Scared Bakugo is Baby

•Honestly they’re all Baby

•Toga:”I love messed up bleeding people”

Mido: shows up completely broken

Toga:”Mr. Stainy who? I want that one”

•Aoyama would be the kid who gets caught in hide and seek because they think they have a great spot and can’t be seen and try to peek them convince themselves still nobody saw them in plain sight

•Awase was fully prepared to die protecting Momo I’m CRYING he’s my new favorite

•Battle Plan Mastermind Mido is amazing

•Also poor unconscious kid just being dragged behind Uraraka haha

Episode 45: Shat A Twist!

•Kiri: “I cant let them take my boyfriend” poor boy just wants to help so bad

•Whelp nobody is safe

•LMAO Aizawa just stomping on Fake Dabi has me dying

•Shouto how long has it been since you last saw your brother...?

•Shouji SMACK A BITCH Mezo

•I LOVE SHOUJI

•Compress you freak get those kids out of your mouth ya nasty

•AOYAMA YES

•Dabi stop being a dick to your little brother I’m gonna tell Rei

•Kirishima is so upset AND IM UPSET MY BABIES

•These kids just wanted a fun week at camp LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE 15

•...Mic...is the traitor...

•I love how everybody hates All Might’s ringtone lmao

•All Might’s like only Us teachers are allowed to beat our kids to a pulp in order to better them as heroes y’all are just mean

•I know Mitsuki has just a bad a temper as her son but how do you think she reacted finding out her child was the kidnap victim of a villain attack? No matter what you think of her as a parent, that’s still her kid and she must have been devastated. But just like Katsuki she would never admit it to his face

•Precious Boy Denki And Class 1A coming to visit their hurt friends I love this class so much

•”I brought a present! I mean it’s from everyone. It’s a melon!” Okay that was pretty cute

•Kirishima being like “why is everyone crying we’re going to go get him let’s go gays time to get our Gremlin back”

•Kiri:”he’s still within your reach Midoriya!”

Mido:”...my arms are BUSTED my dude nothing is in my reach right now I’m still gonna come tho”

Episode 46: From Iida to Midoriya

•Kirishima is THE Best Boi I love him so fucking much I would die for him

•Iida’s trying his best not to blow a gasket

•”Hysterical Strength” yeah sounds like Deku

•”Go home and take it easy” lmao have you met this kid?

•Kota is so freaking sweet

•Izuku. Go see your mother

•Iida’s got some good points. I’m including that punch to Midoriya

•Bakugo must be so tired of being tied up and restrained you know he doesn’t have bondage kink later on in life just hits too close to trauma

•Kiri’s constant state of mind: WWBD (WHAT Would Bakugo Do)

•Mido: Stealth Mode=Wakanda Forever

•Iida has the best costume this is not up for debate. I also always forget he has an undercut, we Stan an icon

•”So the rich girl just wants to go shopping” I’m crying

•Clean Shaven/Neat Hair Aizawa? Hell to the fucking Yes Please

•I’m genuinely proud of Bakugo and the fact that he knows that he’s intense and scares a lot of people/ how he comes across is aggressive and almost villain like, he adamantly doesn’t want to be a villain even if everyone just assumes he would be. He wants to be a hero. Whatever it takes

Episode 47: All For One

•Rightful shoutout to Kendo and Testu

•”We are offering mental health counseling to every single student but right now we do not see signs of any serious psychological trauma” Nezu I’m sorry but those kids are officially fucked up for life you can’t be serious

•”what if they’re brainwashing young Bakugo right now towards the path of villainy” leave Bakugo ALONE

•Aizawa is like you come for my angry son I come for your throat try me again bitch

•FERAL GREMLIN BOY FIGHT OR FIGHT MODE ACTIVATED Bakugo has no flight mode only fight

•Mido: Incoherent mumbling

Momo:“this is peak Midoriya” I love how they’re just used to him now

•the boys are just like you’re not touching our friend you drunk creeps

•Kirishima came PREPARED to get his boy back I love him

•Bakugo just take the help you prideful little shit

•Okay Edgeshot is great where has he been all this time

•Annndddd it all went to shit so fast

•oh my god Best Jeanist is fuckin dead

Episode 48: Symbol of Peace

•”You won’t escape Shigaraki” umm so how’d that work out for ya All Might?

•Kamui Woods “IM SO SORRY” poor boy

•Talking to Best Jeanist:”consider me...pressed” All For One got jokes huh

•...yeah no BJ REALLY Fuckin Ded

•These kids are so fucking traumatized

•A WILD BAKUGOU APPEARS

•Twice has big Deadpool energy tbh

•Lmao Iida has had enough

•Mom and Dad of group award goes to Iida and Momo

•All For One: asks Kurogiri to help warp the League

Also All For One: Stabs him while doing it

•”I don’t think so. Because... I Am Here!” All For One really said Fuck All Might

•All these kids think in Video Game Lmao

•I know there’s a lot of commotion happening but I definitely feel like the villains would be able to hear them talking

•Midoriya went to Kirishima like time to get your asshole boyfriend back you lovesick fool

•”YOU IDIOTS” you’re smiling because your friends are here you jerk

•Everyone’s so intense then Kiri-fucking-shima is there smiling like an idiot because BAKUGO’S BACK

•ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT ALL MIGHT

•...I always forget Shiggy’s familial lineage and it’ makes me sad every time

•I love this episode so MUCH

Episode 49: One For All

•YOUNG MIGHT

•Nana Shimura looks just like Momo...Todoroki Secret Lovechild Theories Intensifies

•”YOU GUYS DIDN’T RESCUE ME YOU WERE MY BEST ESCAPE ROUTE”

“You’re welcome!”

Oh Bakugo just say thank you

•...soooo many people died in Camino Ward, man...

•Aizawa looks so young

•ALL THE KIDS WATCHING THEIR TEACHER AND HERO GET BEATEN TO A PULP HORRIFYINGLY IM SO UPSET

•All For One really just pulled an “I am your father” move but with Shiggy and Nana that’s messed up

•THE PEOPLE RALLYING BEHIND ALL MIGHT IM SOBBING YALL

•NOW IS NOT THE TIME ENDEAVOR

•THERE WE GO THATS BETTER

•Everyone loves All Might I’m so soft

•I’m genuinely crying guys

•...can everyone hear All For One talking about Midoriya oorrrrr???

•All Might you’re pulling a Deku pleaSE STOP

•United States of Smash I cant

•Kirishima really tried holding Bakugo’s hand YALL

•...Bakugo knows

•I love this episode too I’m so upset

Episode 50: End of the Beginning, Beginning of the End

•Gran Torino explaining why they didn’t know about Shimura’s family/Shigaraki is. Sad

•Bakugo is traumatized someone please help him

•Endeavor and Bakugo are the same person and I hate it

•Midoriya and All Might running to each other on the beach is big Marty and Alex from Madagascar energy I’m cackling

•PROUD DADMIGHT MAKES ME SOFT YOU’RE BOTH CRYING AND I AM S O F T

• PARENT TIME YES

•Jirou’s parents are so cool, Kyoka’s so cool THE JIROUS ARE SO COOL

•Oh my god the Bakugos are so CHAOTIC

•It all makes so much sense why he is the way he is and it’s all. Too much. Poor Katsuki

•He’s so. Tired. You can tell. I just want to give him a hug

•”Be CoOl MoM” Izu you’re just as tense and you’ve been with All Might for literally HOW LONG???

•Mama Midoriya is. Right. But that sucks for Izuku

•This is. So. Emotional

Last part of Season 3 is next. DORM LIFE BABY just a little less angst thank god these kids need a break

[danfanciesphil]

Some Kind Of Folliful (New Fic!)

Edgelord!Dan x ObliviousBisexual!Phil AU  (based off the 80′s classic Some Kind of Wonderful)

Synopsis: Dan has one friend, and only because he was forced into it. Phil is loud, excitable, and irritatingly happy all of the time. Phil seems to find Dan's perpetual attitude funny, and despite Dan's best efforts to shun him and everyone else, wants to be around him all the time. That is, until Phil starts talking about Amanda Jones. Word Count: WIP (Estimated 12-15 chapters) updates every Tuesday Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smoking, swearing, implied prostitution, broken home, class divide/classism, pining, light homophobia, sex 

Back at it again, kids! Highly recommend checking this out/subscribing to this on Ao3! 

**

“You know Amanda Jones?”

Dan stops scrubbing the counter for a moment, blindsided by the strange question.

“From school?” Dan asks.

Phil nods.

“Hardy Jenns’ insipid arm candy, you mean?”  

Phil rolls his eyes, hitching himself up onto a nearby countertop. “If you like.”

“I just cleaned that,” Dan complains; Phil doesn’t move an inch. “Yeah, I know her. Why d’you ask?”

Phil shrugs, swinging his feet to and fro. “What do you think of her?”

“Uh… I don’t. She’s part of a social structure I’d rather stay far away from.”

“Which is?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “You know. All that ridiculous status quo, popularity contest stuff. High school politics.”

“You mean ‘cause she’s one of the Elite?” Phil smirks knowingly.

“I think Elite is a strong word,” Dan grumbles, walking over to the sink to rinse out the cloth. “Rich, snobby assholes would be a more appropriate term for them.”

Phil snorts in amusement. Dan turns from the sink to survey him, brow furrowing.

“Why are you asking me about Amanda Jones?”

“I just think she’s interesting,” Phil answers, shrugging. “You know she’s not rich, don’t you?”

Dan sighs, grabbing the disinfectant spray off the side. He starts spraying the fridge door with it, wiping it down with the cloth.

“Yeah, I heard something about that,” Dan says after a moment. “She lives on our side of town, right? Big deal.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dan huffs another sigh, already sick of this conversation. “Phil, she might have a trailer-trash bloodline, but she runs with the rich and the beautiful. It’s guilt by association.”

“Okay, that’s ridiculous,” Phil says with a snort.

Dan just glares, moving to the sink at Phil's side. Phil aims a kick at him as he passes, but Dan scoots out of his path.

“You can’t just hate her because of who she hangs out with,” Phil persists, so Dan whirls around to whack him with the wet cloth, making him shriek. “Hey!"

“Why can’t I?” He asks. “The way that girl and her big-money, cruel-heart society spit on everyone is not ‘interesting’. It’s pathetic.”

“She’s the only one who’s ever made it across the tracks, though,” Phil points out, as though this is some great achievement. “That’s pretty interesting, you’ve gotta admit.”

“She clawed her way to the dark side because she’s skinny and beautiful and leapt into bed with Hardy Jenns as soon as she snagged his attention,” Dan snaps; Phil raises his eyebrows at the tone.

“You sound pretty defensive,” Phil notes. He folds his arms and leans back against the wall, smirking again. “Jealous?”

Traitorously, Dan feels his cheeks grow a little warm. He turns away and snatches up the stock list in order to give him something to focus on.

“Of her? Don’t be stupid,” Dan mutters. “She’s got the charisma of a linoleum tile.”

“She is pretty though, isn’t she?” Phil muses.

Dan spins to face him, jabbing an accusatory finger in his direction. “I knew this was about that.”

“About what?”

“About your sex drive.”

“I didn’t say anything about sex.”

“Oh, right,” Dan says, rolling his eyes again. “Wanna start a book club with her?”

Phil snorts, jumping down from the counter at last. He grins at Dan as he sidles towards him. “Maybe.”

“Phil,” Dan sighs, trying hard to ignore the way his body stiffens as Phil steps closer. “Take my advice and let this go.”

“Dan, I’m just interested in her,” Phil says, one of his hands finding the end of Dan’s apron tie – ever the flirt. “I’m allowed to think she’s interesting.”  

Dan shakes his head. “Don’t go roaming where you don’t belong.”

“You sound like an old wizard or something,” Phil says around a smile.

He’s standing so close now. He has a specific, sweet aroma that Dan’s pretty sure he produces without the aid of deodorant or perfume. It’s a tangy, syrupy scent, like caramelising sugar as it’s poured over a red, crisp apple. Dan has never known anybody smell so naturally delicious aside from Phil.

“If I was, I’d cast a banishing spell so that you’d stop pestering me at work.” Dan yanks his apron tie out of Phil’s hand, moving swiftly away.

It’s useless to stress the point though, he knows. It doesn’t matter how often Dan tells Phil he can’t keep showing up at the café while he’s working, wheedling free coffees, straining the Wi-Fi, and worst of all wandering through into the kitchen where he is absolutely not allowed – he’s never going to listen. Phil’s just not the type of guy who pays attention to rules like that.  It’s not that Phil is a hardened criminal, he’s just a bit odd that way. He’s a dreamer, so things like hygiene regulations and fire safety probably don’t filter very far through the hazy, rose-tinted cloud of his brain.

It helps that he’s so confident, too. Whereas Dan has a tendency to turn his emotions inwards, Phil has a bright, exuberant personality, and no qualms about expressing himself to anyone at any time. He’ll chat with anybody: from the homeless man on the street corner, to the peculiar woman who walks her five corgis through the park every afternoon. Heck, he’ll even stop to converse with the corgis themselves. He’s obscenely likeable, really, and he gets away with a lot because he’s so friendly and chatty that it’s sort of impossible to be annoyed with him. Dan knows this far too well, unfortunately. Though, out of everyone, he’s probably the most successful person to maintain a level of annoyance with Phil Lester.

“You love it,” Phil says, his smirk stretching into a full on grin. “You want me to do it more.”

“I do not, as it happens, love getting fired,” Dan retorts, hoping the warmth in his cheeks isn’t as obvious as it feels. He distracts himself by walking to the far shelves under the pretence of further stock-checks. “You know how much of a bollocking I got from Jenns last time he saw you in here.”

“Yeah, but he’s not here now,” Phil says. “If he shows up, which he won’t because he never bothers to, then I’ll just hide in the pantry.”

“Louise is gonna be here in a second,” Dan warns, ignoring him. “She won’t be happy either.”

Phil scoffs. “She’s easy to get round.”

“Oh, am I?”

Dan and Phil whip round to face the back door of the kitchen, through which enters Louise, her bouncy blonde curls springing free as she removes her thick scarf.

Phil grins sheepishly at her. “I just mean you’re too lovely to kick me out.”

“Nice try, Lester,” Louise says, one eyebrow raised. “C’mon, hit the road. You can flirt with Dan after his shift is over.”

Phil pouts, but begrudgingly seems to accept that he has to get going. He finds his bag and hitches it up onto one shoulder, sighing.

“Fine. It’s boring here, anyway,” he says at last, and Dan glowers at him.

“Why do you listen to her and not me?” Dan asks.

Phil laughs, walking over to nudge Dan with his shoulder. “She’s just got an air of authority about her. Don’t take it personally.”

“I hate you,” Dan says, scowling as he pushes past Phil towards the door to the customer counter.

“Love you too!” Phil calls, still laughing; Dan rolls his eyes. “Come over later, yeah? I wanna hear more about your contempt for the bourgeoisie.”

“Bye, Phil,” Dan calls over his shoulder, stressing the farewell.

He hears the click of the back door as Phil leaves, and tries to ignore the pang in his chest, knowing that now he has four hours of his shift left without Phil’s inane chatter to keep him company. He sighs, hating himself for being such a hypocrite.

“Dan!” Louise calls out. “Come wipe Phil’s assprints off the countertops.”

A week passes, and Phil doesn’t drop the Amanda thing. It’s baffling to Dan, who has never so much as heard Phil name a serious, real-life crush in all the years they’ve been friends. Sure, he jokes that his heart is forever beating for Buffy Summers, but as she’s fictional and a literal superhero, Dan hadn’t really taken it too seriously. Now, out of seemingly nowhere, Phil has become, for lack of a better term, obsessed with a girl who is, in Dan’s eyes, shockingly mediocre.

Sure, she’s absolutely gorgeous. There’s no point in denying that, as you’d have to be blind or dumb not to recognise her dainty, symmetrical features, or the waft of shiny, nutella-brown locks cascading past her cute, studded ears. Her figure is something out of a seedy magazine. She’s petite and skinny, with a waist you could close a fist around and boobs the size of cantaloupe melons. She’s very, very pretty. But that doesn’t make her interesting.  Dan has tried to explain this to Phil countless times since he first brought her up, but he doesn’t appear to even listen. He’ll just laugh or shake his head fondly, as though Dan were the one with the bizarre perspective of the situation.

“You can’t judge a book by its cover,” Phil had said to him one such time.

They’d been lying on Phil’s bed, staring up at his ceiling. Something was playing on Phil’s TV in the corner, but neither of them were paying attention.

“Yeah, but you can tell how much it’s gonna cost,” Dan had replied, a tad bitterly perhaps.

Phil had been quiet for a moment after that, and for a second Dan thought he might’ve actually gotten through. But then it was back to Amanda, back to how surprisingly sweet and clever and smart she seemed… from a distance. Because that’s another thing – Phil has never actually spoken to this girl.  The reason for this is not because Phil is shy. He is possibly the least shy person Dan has ever known, in fact. The issue is that Amanda Jones is an esteemed member of the Elite, and Phil is… well, not. According to the hideously boring social structure of St Anthony’s Secondary School, any attempt Phil makes to cross the rickety bridge between his level of popularity and Amanda’s – even for so much as a conversation – would be practically suicidal.

Hardy Jenns, Amanda’s shit-head boyfriend, and coincidentally the son of Dan’s boss, would pound Phil to a mushy pulp if he so much as sniffed a rumour that he might be trying to chat up his girl. There are basically a whole plethora of reasons why Phil should just forget about Amanda altogether, but Dan cannot seem to convince him of this no matter how hard he tries. He drags on the stub of his cigarette as he considers all of this, trying to make it last. He hasn’t got any more after this one. A new pack of smokes would probably bankrupt him, too.  He chucks the burnt out end on the ground and squashes it with the toe of his boot. Before all this came up with Phil, Dan spent maybe one minute of his life concerned with the boring, vapid lives of the Elite. Now, he has to engage in lengthy conversations about them every damn day. Even worse is that, as Phil is pretty much Dan’s only friend at school, there’s no relief from it.

His lack of friends willing to discuss non-Amanda related topics is entirely self-inflicted however. He’s projected an ‘unapproachable’ vibe for as long as he can remember, because it suits him to have his peers see him as a loner. He is a loner, after all. Except for Phil, of course.  According to Phil, other people at school see him as mysterious, and alternative. He’s got some admirers, apparently, though Phil might be teasing him about that. Dan honestly could not care less how anyone at St Anthony's perceives him. As long as nobody actually talks to him, he’s fine with letting them think whatever they want.

Of course, Phil is a separate matter. Because even Dan can admit that having one person to talk to, or sit with, or just hang around during his down time, is a lot better than having nobody at all. Up until Year Nine, Dan’s school life was totally devoid of friendship. He’d thought, at the time, that he didn’t mind it. And then, like a comet bursting through an endlessly dull night sky, Phil appeared.

Dan had been sat in Chemistry at the beginning of term, already having chosen himself a seat at the back, in the corner by the window. Nobody picked the seat beside him, obviously, which was far from a surprise. And then Phil pushed into the lab, late - which Dan would later discover is one of his most prominent character traits. The teacher, irritated, asked Phil to find a seat. And that's where Dan's life transcended from utterly mundane, into bafflingly, ridiculously absurd. Because Phil swept that sharp bblue gaze across maybe five empty stools. He smiled at his friends waving manically, he ignored the frantic hands gesturing for him to sit beside them, and fixated on Dan, alone, scowling, in the far left corner. He plonked himself right down in the space next to him, his broad smile never faltering.  Nothing has been the same since.

“Have we ever even met?” Dan had asked him, horrified by the audacity of this strange, perpetually happy person.

“We’re meeting now!” Phil had replied, grinning infectiously. He stuck out his hand for Dan to shake, and for some reason, Dan just did.

He’d tried in vain, after that first day, to be cold towards Phil. He’d tried to speak to him with only the bare minimum, answering Science-related stuff monosyllabically, or pretending he didn’t know the answer at all.  Phil never bought the act. He laughed at Dan’s attempts to shrug him off. He teased and prodded and joked until Dan couldn’t hide the responding smile any more. He followed Dan about after class, telling him stupid anecdotes about his encounters with the squirrels outside, or prattling on about his latest clumsy incident.

It didn’t seem to matter to Phil that Dan barely ever responded. He was just content to lean against the lockers beside Dan’s while he rummaged inside, rambling about his newest art projects. He seated himself in the cafeteria next to Dan, tilting his phone screen to show him funny memes and videos of dogs. He’s the most persistent person Dan has ever known, to date, and he still has no clue why Phil didn’t just give up.  But eventually, Dan was worn down. He began laughing at Phil’s stupid, unfunny puns. He sent Phil an occasional meme of his own over text. He made suggestions about what Phil should draw next. He started watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer , and texted Phil his opinions. It must have been an agonising few months of slow, tortoise-like progress for Phil, but they did become friends. By the time Christmas rolled around, Dan had someone in his life that actually cared enough to buy him a present.

Dan, who had never bought a Christmas present for anyone in his life, let alone received one, felt terrible, but Phil just gave him a hug, and told him it was fine. They’d watched stupid Christmas films on Boxing Day, wearing the paper hats from the Christmas Crackers Phil insisted they pull. It must have been around then that he finally accepted Phil as someone he didn’t mind having around. He dreads to think of what might happen if, somehow, Phil actually makes it across the Elite border and begins weaselling his way into the cool crowd.  Those snooty kids are sure as hell not going to accept Dan as a member over there, even if they do, for whatever reason, make an allowance for Phil. Not that Dan has any interest whatsoever in associating himself with half-witted phonies, sipping the Kool-Aid of their conservative lifestyle.

“Hey,” a voice interrupts his reminiscence, startling him. He glances up at Phil, feeling caught out somehow. “Are you waiting for me? I thought you were working today?”

Dan stands up form the cold, brick wall he’s been sat on for the past half hour, resisting the urge to rub his sore ass.

“Not waiting for you, just smoking. Louise swapped my shift with Zoe,” Dan explains, shifting to discreetly work some life back into his numb buttocks.

“No way!” Phil exclaims, ridiculously excited by the news. His face lights up in a grin, and Dan has to look away or he’ll start smiling back like a lunatic. “Awesome! Surprise Dan-time.”

Phil slings his arm around Dan’s shoulders. He tuts and gives a half-hearted attempt at shrugging him off, but Phil knows him too well to take the bait, so he just squeezes Dan tighter as they begin their walk home.

“What do you wanna do?” Dan asks, heart picking up its pace a little. Don't say my house, don't say my house-

“I need your help, actually. Wanna come over for a bit?”

Dan’s shoulders sag in relief as they take the turning towards Phil’s street.

“Please tell me this is not Amanda Jones-related.”

“Maybe,” Phil says, aiming a guilty glance at him. “Come on, please? For me?” Phil begs, making Dan roll his eyes. “Besides, if you help me out, then I’ll stop talking your ear off about her.” Phil pauses. “Maybe.”

Dan sighs, contemplating how to respond. He’s said everything he can think of to dissuade Phil from this Amanda thing. He supposes could flat-out refuse to help. He could list all the reasons Amanda Jones is bad news for the zillionth time. He could storm off in a huff. But Dan has been looking forward to surprising Phil with this afternoon off work. He wants to chill out with the one person whom he can truly relax with, no matter what the topic of discussion is. Besides, Phil is far too pig-headed to listen to a word of Dan’s feeble protestations anyway.

“Ugh, fine,” Dan relents, not bothering to hide the reluctance in his tone.

Phil stops in the middle of the street to wrap him in an absurdly tight bear hug.

“You’re the best, Dan.”

“Get the fuck off me, you freak.”

Phil laughs, and squeezes harder.

(Chapter Two posted next Tuesday!)

[maddie-grove]

The Top Twenty Books I Read in 2016

Oh, 2016. The year that gave me a promising new life with one hand and ripped up what peace of mind I had left with the other. What better way to deal with such a confusing emotional state than to read a bunch of wonderful books, many about incredibly tough subjects? Arguably, there are many better ways, but I like reading.

20. Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick (2013)

Traumatized seventeen-year-old Leonard Peacock makes a plan to kill his former abuser and then himself, but first he needs to visit four people who are important to him and say goodbye (without, of course, letting them know he’s saying goodbye). Throughout the day, he’s caught between trying to talk himself out of his horrible goal and feeling he has no other option. This is an affecting, compulsively readable novel with experimental bits that really pay off (especially Leonard’s letters to himself from a semi-dystopian future).

19. Swamplandia! by Karen Russell (2011)

After her mother’s untimely death, thirteen-year-old Ava Bigtree’s family falls apart, along with their Floridian gator-wrestling theme park. Her senile grandfather is sent to a nursing home, her brother runs away to another theme park, and her father departs for the mainland for an indefinite time, leaving Ava alone with her séance-obsessed older sister Osceola. Then Osceola elopes with a ghost, driving Ava to take a perilous journey into the swamp.  At turns fanciful and brutal, this is a fascinating and spooky story about grief and how scary nature is.

18. Sweetest Scoundrel by Elizabeth Hoyt (2015)

In 1740s London, withdrawn Eve Dinwoody is appointed by her half-brother to sort out the accounts of his investment, a pleasure garden owned by the boisterous middle-class Asa Makepeace. Eve and Asa are complete opposites who disagree about all matters financial, but they also have chemistry and actually turn out to care about each other’s problems. The family relationships in this romance are particularly strong, plus I liked that the aristocratic characters were so tangential to the story; it’s mostly a story about theatre people.

17. Duke of Pleasure by Elizabeth Hoyt (2016)

Alf is a messenger/informant by day, a masked vigilante by night, and, unbeknownst to everyone she’s met since early childhood, a woman. Hugh Fitzroy, the Duke of Kyle, is a widowed father of two bent on bringing down a ridiculously depraved secret society. When Alf gets beaten up while in his employ, Hugh persuades her to stay in his home for protection…which leads to some complicated feelings for Alf (and Hugh, once he realizes she’s not a teenage boy). Like Sweetest Scoundrel, this is a part of the Maiden Lane series, and it’s a fine installment: tightly plotted and prettily written, with a delightfully unusual heroine and a protective hero of the best type.

16. Silver Deceptions by Sabrina Jeffries (1994, revised for 2016 reissue)

During the height of the English Restoration, Annabelle Taylor takes to the London stage and purposefully cultivates a bad reputation with the goal of finding out and shaming the aristocratic father who abandoned her.  Unfortunately, her discreet inquiries about his identity lead the king’s spies to think she has an anti-Royalist agenda. Colin Jeffreys, Lord Hampden, is sent to find out what her deal is, only to get caught up in something way more risky than a Roundhead plot (to his heart, anyway). This is easily the best Restoration romance I’ve read, with a beautifully realized setting, a fast-moving plot, and multilayered protagonists.

15. Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier (1938)

An unnamed narrator, young and awkward and alone in the world, marries the handsome, haunted Maxime de Winter after a whirlwind courtship in Monte Carlo. The problem is that she has trouble adjusting to being lady of the manor, plus he seems just shattered over the death of his beautiful, accomplished late wife…but is that what’s really going on? Kind of! I loved the weird, funny narrator, and the initial romance between her and Maxime is so sweet that its devolution once they get to Manderley hit me hard.

14. Sylvester, or the Wicked Uncle by Georgette Heyer (1957)

Sylvester Rayne, the Duke of Salford, does not want to marry Phoebe Marlow, the mousy granddaughter of his godmother…but he’s still miffed when she flees her father’s house in order to avoid marrying him. Then he finds out that she wrote a popular gothic novel whose hero bears a striking resemblance to him, and he’s really annoyed. This is a terrific comedy—the two unplanned road trips are particularly delightful. I also liked the heroine and how she comes into her own after years of being cowed by her stepmother.

13. Duke of Sin by Elizabeth Hoyt (2016)

Valentine Napier, the Duke of Montgomery (and half-brother to Eve Dinwoody), is a bad, bad man. He blackmails his peers, tries to abduct heiresses (he’s not that great at it), and pretends that he’s done even worse. Bridget Crumb, his housekeeper, is working in his household in hopes of helping her mother. She has every reason to hate and fear him…but instead she thinks he’s full of shit but kind of likes him anyway. In turn, he’s intrigued by the fact that she has morals and wears a huge mobcap to hide her hair. This is a balls-out ludicrous romance novel in the best possible sense, with enough emotional pathos to keep me seriously invested.

12. Rose Under Fire by Elizabeth Wein (2013)

Rose Justice, a young American flying planes for the British Air Transport Auxiliary during WWII, is captured by the Germans during a mission in France. Sent to Ravensbrück, she barely manages to survive the experience with the help of her fellow political prisoners and poetry. This book is less twist-driven than its companion Code Name Verity—the reader isn’t kept in much suspense about Rose’s eventual escape, let alone surprised with any revelation—but it has every good thing in common with the other novel: a complex and human narrator, a focus on women’s contributions to WWII, and a message of steely hope in the face of evil.

11. Crispin: The End of Time by Avi (2010)

In the third and final installment of the starkly beautiful medieval-set Crispin trilogy, thirteen-year-old Crispin finds himself bereft and unable to speak the language in war-torn France. He tries to get to Iceland, where everyone is free according to his late mentor, but he falls into bad company and has existential crises along the way. If you enjoy the most heart-shattering parts of A Song of Ice and Fire but wish the series had a smidge less violence and a lot less sex, this series might be for you! The ending is satisfying and holds the hope of hope, but good lord does it put you through the wringer.

10. The Study of Seduction by Sabrina Jeffries (2016)

When Lady Clarissa Lindsey finds herself being stalked by a sleazy French diplomat, family friend Lord Blakesborough agrees to help her out. They tend to clash—she’s gregarious and fun-loving, while he’s reserved to the point of stuffiness—but she wants the best for him, too, and tries to teach him how to talk to ladies so he can find a wife. Of course, everything goes wrong and they end up marrying each other for convenience…only it’s not so convenient, because they want to bang each other something fierce, plus they both have sad pasts they can’t talk about easily. A beautiful, hopeful romance with two extremely endearing protagonists.

9. A Scandalous Countess by Jo Beverley (2009)

Georgia, Lady Maybury, was the toast of society…until her beloved young husband was killed in a duel and everyone (wrongly) thought it was with her lover. Now she’s coming out of mourning, but someone has resurrected the most vicious rumors about her. She finds an unexpected ally in Lord Dracy, an awkward, badly scarred ex-naval officer who secretly wants to marry her for her money (at first). This novel is a glorious melodrama with an intriguing mystery and a wonderfully complex heroine.

8. Once Upon a Marquess by Courtney Milan (2015)

Lady Judith Worth used to have everything, but then her father was exposed as a traitor and committed suicide. Now she can barely pay rent on her shabby London home and all her siblings are either missing or in distress, but she’s still loathe to accept help from Lord Ashford, an old friend whose investigations helped bring about her family’s ruin. His charm, willingness to assist her, and ready acknowledgment that she has a right to be angry make it a bit easier, though. Courtney Milan is a National Treasure, and this complex series debut, alternately hilarious and heartrending, is among her best.

7. Emma by Jane Austen (1815)

Emma Woodhouse, rich and pretty and beloved by most, tries to be a good person, but that turns out to be a confusing business. I was frequently irritated by this novel, but honestly that made me love it more. On several occasions, Emma actually shocked me with her bad judgment, callousness, and even malice. At the same time, I saw that she was genuinely trying to do the right thing, even though she was severely hampered by classism and a lack of self-awareness. The contrast and the questions it raises are fascinating.

6. The Assassination of Margaret Thatcher by Hilary Mantel (2014)

This gorgeously written, endlessly unnerving anthology includes “The School of English” (the heartbreaking, infuriating tale of a London housekeeper starting a new job), “How Shall I Know You?” (the story of a pitying, pitiable writer on a miserable book tour), and the title story (a snapshot of an alternate history). Every story has excellent style and atmosphere; Mantel has a particular talent for making the reader feel queasy and excited at the same time.

5. Fortune Favors the Wicked by Theresa Romain (2016)

World-weary courtesan Charlotte Perry returns to her hometown in search of a stolen hoard, hoping that the reward will allow her to build a new life for herself and her “niece.” Lieutenant Benedict Frost, recently blinded and restless, travels to the same location in hopes of establishing a household where he can live with his younger sister. They should be adversaries…but perhaps they will not be? This was a nearly perfect romance; the central relationship was delicious, all the side characters were great, and the plot was very well-constructed.

4. The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith (2016)

After her brother’s best friend rapes her in her own bedroom, high school freshman Eden’s primary reaction is rage—not only at her rapist, but at the parents who overlook her, at the brother she’s sure wouldn’t believe her, and at herself for being quiet and trusting. Over the next few years, she builds a new identity for herself; unfortunately, it comes with self-destructive behavior and a tendency to push everyone away. This story is ultimately a hopeful one, but it’s a damn hard read. I cried like a tiny baby girl, and I often felt incredibly angry. Eden is a wonderful narrator, clear-eyed but still unable to extract herself from a morass of silence and self-punishment without help.

3. Room by Emma Donoghue (2010)

Five-year-old Jack has never left the room where he was born to his captive mother, or even learned that the outside world they see on television is real. All he knows is Room and Ma…until she tells him there’s a whole universe outside and shares her desperate escape plan. Room is an absolutely beautiful story, and it’s all the more wonderful because the characters are so individualized. Jack is a sweetheart, but he also does weird kid stuff, from the adorable (declaring broccoli his “enemy food”) to the dangerously inconvenient (getting angry at his mom when she tries to explain the outside world). Ma is even more complex, and it’s truly impressive how Donoghue can convey her anger, compassion, youthfulness, maturity, and everything else when she’s filtered entirely through her five-year-old son’s perspective. I also appreciated how much the novel is about recovery, with all its attendant joys and difficulties.

2. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (1969)

In her classic first memoir, Angelou shares the story of her childhood in Arkansas and then California. I loved this book almost as much as its sequel Gather Together in My Name; it’s just as funny, heartbreaking, and sharply insightful. It can also be a much tougher read, due to the trauma she experiences in her childhood and the near-constant racism she faces, but her exploration of these issues just makes the book more powerful.

1. Gather Together in My Name by Maya Angelou (1974)

In this memoir, Angelou relates her experiences as a young woman in post-WWII California. She tries to care for her new baby, find a purpose in life, and look for someone to love, but she runs into many obstacles: bad boyfriends, racism, anti-Communist paranoia, an unfaithful dance partner, and an unplanned foray into running a brothel, just to name a few. Angelou’s second memoir is glorious, funny and poignant and righteously angry at turns. Even though my experiences are very different from hers, I related hard to her loneliness, lack of direction, and premature regret. The best book I read all year.